#but that wouldn't make the most sense I fear

[screamingcrows]

HSR characters as ways animals court and mate

Welcome to the (hopefully) weirdest biology lesson you'll ever have! Essentially a shitpost. I shouldn't be allowed near blorbos. There might be better suited animals, these are all my takes on the characters and animals picked from ones I knew.

Repost from my old blog so I added more characters as compensation.

Characters included: Sampo Koski, Veritas Ratio, Ruan Mei, Jing Yuan, Argenti, Sunday, Kafka, Caelus, Moze

Warnings: nsfw in the way a national geographic documentary is, there are no graphic details but proceed at your own discretion, breeding mention for Jing Yuan, Sampo's ridiculously large appendage, Caelus slander,

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Sampo Koski - Limax maximus (leopard slug)

Truly, few people are as slick as Mr. Koski. You might not even notice at first that you are being observed by a mysterious, handsome stranger. Sure, his methods may be a little on the unusual side, but he values being well-informed before acting. Once he does decide to act, you may find yourself in quite a few unfortunate situations, luckily, your good friend Sampo is there to help you out. He is quite well endowed in certain departments, but where others might feel shame or even outright fear for their partner's comfort, this ingenious entrepreneur prides himself on always having the right tools for the job. Rest assured, your comfort and pleasure is of the highest importance! Or, for the right price, he will gladly put himself on the receiving end to satisfy your desires. Limax maximus is somewhat unusual in its mating habits compared to other slugs. They also have a ridiculously large penises (largest observed being 92cm or 36 inches) - mind you, a snail's penis emerges from their gonopore which is located on the side of their head. The leopard slugs court by circling each other for hours before eventually climbing a tree, coiling around each other and producing a string of mucus to hang upside down from - letting gravity unfold their penises. Since these slugs are hermaphroditic, both receive a sperm package and goes on to lay eggs.

Veritas Ratio - Strix varia (barred owl)

While Veritas might not exactly be keen on grand gestures to express himself, your persistance in seeking him out and staying close does eventually lead to the realisation that his days wouldn't be the same without your presence. Though he prefers to save his words, there's never a shortage around you, always talking, asking, listening, engaging in conversation that only you can provide. The shift in behavior is endearing, Veritas becomes keen on inviting you home, cooking for and with you, bathing together (something that had been near unimaginable for him). His hands gravitate towards you as often as possible, either just resting there or rubbing tension from your muscles. He takes care of you and lets you take care of him. It's a beautiful everyday life, after all, why would he confine himself to expressing his love a few times a year, when he could do it every day in countless ways instead? Strix varia - as many owls - remains mostly monogamous, with the exception being in instances of younger, widowed birds. Their courtship usually involves the owl hen following around the male for a time before they both begin engaging in duets and mutual preening. Every year for a period of time before mating, the male will take up all hunting responsibilities and dote on his partner :3 These owls are also, compared to closely related species, known for disliking man-made nesting boxes (microbiome is inferior to a hollowed out tree trunk) and they're considered some of the most curious and polite predators.

Ruan Mei - Timema (genus of stick insects)

While you might be interested in Ruan Mei, chances are she won't be interested in the same sense. There is little time for such 'pleasantries' and even less willingness to make time for it. Whether she cannot, or doesn't want to, understand the concept of love, she recognises the value it holds in terms of reproduction and evolution. And even then, she has gone about creating life by herself just fine. So, perhaps she will let you into her bed for a night, but it's unlikely that she lets it lead to more. Members of the genus Timema primarily reproduce through the process of parthenogenesis (virgin birth), meaning they reproduce asexually and males are very few and far between. Sexual reproduction is incredibly rare and speculated to only be done by a few individuals to keep a diverse enough gene pool.

Jing Yuan - Panthera leo (lion)

It's no secret that Jing Yuan has had ample time and opportunity for sexual experiences. Nor is it any secret that he's attractive (which he's aware of), despite his long life, Jing Yuan appears to be in the prime of his life and health. All that experience doesn't make his time with you any less special, it simply means that your pleasure and desires are exceedingly important. Anything you could want to try he will indulge, of course, you'll have to tell him, use your words, even if the answer is written all over your face. The one thing he does often want to indulge for his own sake is finishing inside. Other than that, Jing Yuan is more than happy to lay back and watch as you pleasure yourself with him. If you ask, he's happy to help, he knows your body quite well by now - ah just don't ask him in the afternoon. He's napping. Male lions are - apart from on the rare occasions that they have to defend their territory - very relaxed individuals. The females hunt for him while he sleeps (and looks good). The mane serves as a 'sexual ornament' and shows off how 'healthy' a male is. A more pigmented mane means higher testosterone levels (Ignore the pigmentation part for Jing Yuan and just consider how healthy and well taken care of he looks). A few days before the female enters estrus, the male picks up on changes to her scent and starts following her around. Female lions are known for having incredible stamina during estrus, often to the point of tiring out the male to a point where he will try to stalk off and sleep. Also worth noting that lions have a barbed penis that scratches the vagina upon pulling out, this can cause the female to ovulate just like I would if Jing Yuan did me

Argenti - Panthera leo male x Panthera tigris female (Liger, hybrid)

A knigh of Beauty passing by, not exactly the smartest choice to throw your heart at, is it? Argenti is kind, chivalrous, perhaps a little odd, and beautiful. He sees in you a work of art, compliments you as though he has no choice but let the words flow. Unfortunately, he doesn't let anyone get close. Perhaps he will indulge you for a night, find pleasure in seeing you come undone while he remains clothed. There is no settling down for him, no family life, he swore an oath that he must keep. Ligers are incredibly rare and only found in captivity. As with other hybrids, ligers follow Haldane's rule meaning the heterogametic sex (in this case the male) is sterile. These hybrids are stunning creatures, highly social, and the biggest living cat. But there is no 'successful' mating for them. Reproductive behavior in females follow that of their parent species.

Sunday - Anthochaera phrygia (regent honeyeater)

Once Sunday becomes free to act for himself, it's not particularly hard to recognise his little displays of interest. They're sweet and awkward at best and downright embarrassing at worst. He tries his best - he truly does - by learning from those around him. Unfortunately, those people are now the Astral Express crew, and aeons above, some of them aren't great at flirting to begin with, but having Sunday attempt mimicry? Horrendous. Once he gets a little more confident (perhaps you should reassure him that you enjoy who he is) you can expect him to open up more. Expect his care and love to be presented with something akin to devotion. With time, perhaps he'll even sing for you? Unfortunately, regent honeyeaters are critically endangered. This is in part due to the loss of their unique song. During early life, birds spend months learning various calls that will be important for signalling. These are typically learned from the parents, but regent honeyeaters leave the nest before this happens and a loss of habitat meant fewer individuals to learn from. Males have begun copying other bird species, leading to significantly lower interest from females, accelerating their decline.

Kafka - Crocuta crocuta (spotted hyena)

So you're enamoured with Kafka? Difficult not to be, she truly just... has a certain appeal wouldn't you say? Approaching with care and submission rather than aggression will see your chances of success increase. Kafka is confident in herself and her abilities, knowing what path she walks and the destination. But that doesn't mean she won't indulge in a little fun from time to time, after all, the script she has doesn't dictate every single action. She's in control throughout it all, even in the occassion of you being allowed on top, there's still no doubt about the hierarchy. She would have every stellaron hunter ready to protect you if your safety is deemed worthwhile. The spotted hyena lives in highly complex social groups with females most often ranking higher than males. Anatomically, the spotted hyena females have developed a 'pseudo-penis' (very enlarged clitoris) complete with faux scrotum and testes that cover the vagina - making forced copulation by a male impossible. The female needs to retract the pseudo-penis which is also what the male will insert his into. Males that remain passive and subservient have higher chances of successful mating compared to aggressive ones.

Caelus - Ailuropoda melanoleuca (giant panda)

Teeny tiny penis. Caelus is very easily goaded into doing things, sometimes you don't even have to suggest a stupid idea before he's halfway done trying. Poor man has no idea what to do with himself the moment things turn spicy. Very cute, very sweet, probably good cuddles. But you're gonna need a toy. At around a whopping 3cm (~1 inch), the giant pandas aren't giant everywhere. Courtship can involve males doing a handstand against a tree and peeing as far up as possible to signal that he's near. Famously, giant pandas seemingly lose interest in mating when kept in captivity and there's been a lot of initiatives to figure out how to get the spark back (this includes showing them panda-porn and giving them an equivalent to viagra)

Moze - Canis lupus (grey wolf)

Though he may appear reserved (and a little scary even) once you get to know Moze, it quickly becomes clear that he just.. he has a certain way of showing his affection. It's almost like having gained a shadow with how he follows you around. At first, he may be more inclined to keep you away from any and all danger, but gradually warms up to the thought of being partners in every sense. His trust in you is absolute and nothing could sway his loyalty. Still, Moze does enjoy seeing you well taken care of (going so far as having Jiaoqiu give him lessons on your favourite foods). Once he loses himself in the pleasures of your body, it becomes near impossible for him to stop. All that careful control slips from his grasp until the moment you're both panting for breath and utterly exhausted. During those times, he wraps his arms securely around you, keeping you there for as long as he can justify. I think we all know how dogs mate, no? Mounting, knotting, all that. Wolves are monogamous and form tightly knit packs. Mated pairs are excellent at cooperating, both for hunting and raising pups. The male wolf hunts for the first couple of weeks after the female gives birth, making sure she can rest in the den and look after the young. Interestingly, the more newly bonded a pair is, the more frequently will the male scent mark their territory to dissuade any potential intruders.

[stardustamaryllis78]

By taking out the Archdragons, Aaravos removes anyone from being able to contact the Cosmic Council. For example, there would be no one left to be able to tell them that Callum is a human Primal Mage.

Obviously, it would cause big issues for Callum if they were to find out he was a human Primal Mage. And with the Archdragons now dead, it gives way for humans to freely be able to learn Primal Magic again without fear.

You can't tell me that Rex wouldn't have dobbed in Callum had he had known he was a Primal Mage. He knew he had a Primal Stone and could therefore do magic, but he did not know he was a Primal Mage. Rex still refers to Aaravos as Betrayer for his work helping humans so he very much still has his anti human bias.

As for Domina, a reminder that she said this when first referring to Ezran.

Now yes, she does end up friendly with Ezran but she still looks down upon humans with this being her immediate reaction. (I can't be the only one who found it weird that she gave her life for them in the end.)

Now for Zubeia. Remember this:

If she somehow wasn't still somewhat pro Order, why would she say "First Elves"? Remember, these are still the same people who had Leola murdered for kindly giving magic to humans after Sol Regem dobbed her in. Why does Zubeia look upon them so fondly?

One thing I also found kind of weird is how Ezran says that Callum is the first human Primal Mage in centuries, whereas Callum says that he is the first human Primal Mage.

So which is the truth?

Well, this goes into theory territory but I believe at some point, there was a time that humans did learn and understand Primal Magic but they were killed by the Cosmic Council. I really don't believe Callum would be the first human to figure out Primal Magic after all this time, especially after Ezran's comment. That just really doesn't make any sense.

Aaravos is the creator of Dark Magic and the one who suffered most at the hand of the Cosmic Council. Does Dark Magic perhaps protect humans from the Cosmic Council at the cost of "compromise"? And Aaravos doesn't even really even control Dark Mages very often at all via this "compromise" because otherwise he could have easily just controlled Viren instead of working with him. Same with Callum in season 4 instead of just roasting the cast and then dipping.

Its an interesting topic I hope we get the answer to at some point. But ultimately, Aaravos has now made it so there are no more people that can dob Callum in as a Primal Mage. And human Primal Mages are now free to roam again.

[thefcguy]

Miraculous Main Character Ranking

Just like how I ranked the designs of superheroes for Miraculous Ladybug... now, I will be ranking the characters as a whole. Although design will be a small factor in some of this cases... it mostly has to do with the characters themselves this time. How enjoyable I think they are based on the show, its writting, the circumstances they have been put through, their purposes and, most importantly, my personal opinion.

Also, although i will be ranking this characters, I would like to say, before you guys read the ranking, that I don't actually hate any character here.

They are mostly victims of bad writting from Thomas Astruc, his team, and their lack of understanding on how teams interact with each other, and what interactions are okay and others not.

That's why I feel sympathy towards all of them. But, I understand if you don't.

These are characters from a show made for kid. Please, be respectful with my opinions, and I will be respectful with yours.

Also, if you are either a Marinette , Adrien, Felix or Chloe stan... please, don't look at my ranking, okay?

So, with nothing else to add... Let's begin!

(I hope I don't get destroyed for my opinions).

21- Socqueline Wang

... Can someone please explain me WHY she exists?

Socqueline is one of the characters that miraculous introduces later on for a specific reason, and then doesn't get used later.

However, out of all of these characters... Socqueline is the worst.

Although the idea of Marinette having a friend before Alya, but then moved away/got transferred is interesting, but they add her on SEASON 5!

She and Marinette were supposedly best buddies, and Socqueline was always there to "protect her from the irredeemable monster Chloe bwahhaaa", and yet, she doesn't visit Marinette ONCE in a period of 4 seasons?! Not a photo, not a mention... anything.

The worst part is how they try to make us fans believe that "she has always been here", like in episodes such as "Perfection" when she is added to the group of Kagami's friends.

But, besides "Jubilation" and even worse "Derision" her character has no purpose or impact to the story.

Marinette already has a group of female friends (Alya, Rose, Juleka, Mylene, Alix, Kagami, Zoe, and probably Sabrina on season 6) with badly developed relationships. Do we need one more girl on this mess?

I UNDERSTAND that she is supposed to be a reference to PV!Marinette, that Bridgette was just a name we, the fandom, gave her, and it was supposed to be fan-service, but... the way they made it makes no sense.

Socqueline could have been deleted from season 5 and it wouldn't have changed a thing.

A famous miraculous brazillian youtuber actually had an idea for the purpose the Socqueline could have had in season 5.

His idea (which I also enjoy) is that she, instead of Alya, should have been the one to use Tikki in the "Kwami's Choice" special.

Hawk Moth had already found out that she wasn't Ladybug in "Jubilation", she had no previous connections to Ladybug, and had the desire to be a hero.

This way, hero's choice could also expand on her as a character, explain why she hasn't spoken to Marinette in so long, her own fears and wished for the future...

And maybe... just MAYBE getting a crush on Kitty Noir as the new Ladybug, and, meeting Zoe later after losing the earrings, and getting attracted to her due to reasons she can't explain.

But no, she has the charisma and the importance of a cardboard. I am 75% sure that she will be forgotten in Season 6, and might be "replaced" by Sublime. Who knows.

As for her design... I feel like they did a good job in showing that Socqueline is PV!Marinete, while also making her unique enough in a way.

20- Felix Fathom

Although Socqueline is the most pointless... Felix is the worst character, definetely.

On his first episode, he lies, steals his cousin's phone, tries to ruin his friendship, tries to force Ladybug into kissing him, tries to make a deal with Hawkmoth, and steal's Gabriel's wedding ring... not a good start, right?

The episode's explanation, according to what some character's say, is that he is going through a rough phase because he hasn't been processing his father's death well, and that without his father's authority, he has been "out of control".

This will be important further on.

On his second episode, he is obsessed with finding Hawk Moth's identity, seeing it as a way to get what he wants. Then, again, he gives a wicked smile after he feels like he is winning.

On his third appearence, he uses Gabriel's wedding ring to CONTROL his cousin to agree with his plan, pretends to be Adrien, gets the Dog Miraculous, and uses it to give all the miraculous on the box to Gabriel...

Then, Season 5 arrives, and Felix erases the population of Earth, becomes an almost yandere for Kagami, and becomes a "good boy" because he is just misunderstood and Kagami's love fixed him. There is also the plot of his activism for Sentimonsters...

Do I need to explain myself on why I hate this character?

From the moment he appeared on screen, he has done nothing but caused chaos. And his cause of helping sentimonsters? Pretty hypocrite, considering how he controlled Adrien in "Risk", and tried to ruin his friendships in "Felix".

He is not a confused anti-hero with a noble cause in need of guidence... he is straight up a resentful villain who is unleashing his frustrations on others.

And all the chaos he caused is suddenly forgiven because of his redemption and his abusive father?

Also... where does this Abusive father came from? His debut implied that Colt's death was what bittered Felix's heart. And that he was the one to keep Felix in control.

It either means that the crew thinks that Colt's abusive behavior was good because it keep Felix in line, or that they came up with that last moment to give him a redemption.

I will be going with the latter, because, oh GOSH, the writers put all their effort into redeeming Felix this season.

This boy over here has committed crimes and the show pet him on the head. Meanwhile, school bullies get sent to live with their abusive parent.

His design is great. He is supposed to look just like Adrien, and he clearly looks more formal.

19- Lila Rossi

Lila is... a lot like Felix, actually. She is bitter, manipulative, and always want to have the upper hand.

However, unlike Felix, that the show refuses to portray as a villain, the show actually knows that Lila is bad.

Still... they literally had no idea of what to do with her and went of the rails with her "arc".

When 'Volpina" aired, Lila was just a liar who wanted popularity and came up with the weirdest stories possible to make herself look better.

The class was infatuated by her, which, made sense considering she was new and all.

Then, the whole Ladybug fiasco happened and she became Volpina. Then, on the end of the episode, the writers hinted at Lila returning eventually and becoming a bigger threat...

And she disappears... for a whole season to be precise.

I remember how the fandom was excited to see Lila in action on season 2. Since many were expecting Chloe to be redeemed (since we had no idea how the Queen bee arc would play like), many started to assume that Lila would be the one causing akumas this season.

Which, would have been interesting! We were so used to the formula of Chloe bullying other until they turned into supervillains, that it would be interesting seeing how Lila would operate.

But, she disappeared and only returned when she was needed on Heroes Day.

Then, season 3 arrived, and boy, things got bad quickly.

The class still adores her (to an unnatural degree, tbh), she gets away with all of her stunts, ruins Marinette's reputation, gets Kagami akumatized and makes a deal with Gabriel.

Lila's plot armor this season is WILD. She brags about everything she does, there is proof that she was a part of Heroes Day instead of travelling as she stated (the illusion, and, even if people assumed there was another akuma with this power, considering the event was televisioned, she must have appeared at least one), and she, a teenage girl, impresses Hawk Moth to the point of him wanting her as an ally...

And she never faces the consequences of her actions. Except Onichan.

Then, after all the chaos she caused in season 3... she is benched on season 4, only to return with an even stronger plot armor in the season finale.

Alya somehow believes on her, even is she knows Ladybug's identity and who the real best friend is; and Lila managed to make an alliance with Chloe. WITH CHLOE.

Chloe, the girl who couldn't stand Marinette or Kagami 5 centimeters near Adrien. This Chloe, who probably saw Lila flirting with Adrien already at least once, makes an alliance with her.

The explanation? Chloe can't remember Lila from how "irrevalant" she is.

... do you guys get what I am saying? She has insane levels of plot armor!

Season 5 is when the writers literally gave up on keeping her consistent.

Now, she is an unstable girl cutting photos with Marinette's face, getting Kagami (one of the few people that disliked her) on her side, puts a teenage girl on the position of a mayor, and, am I forgetting something... oh yeah! She is literally crazy, may not even be a teenage girl, and has multiple identities and mothers...

This character makes no sense, her escalation into a supervillain comes out of nowhere, and, the moments we EXPECT her to be a villain, she isn't, and only appears way later.

Considering how much the plot protects her, I don't doubt that it will take at least 6 more seasons to defeat her.

Lila's design in general is okay with the exception of the hair... what's up with her hair? Like, she has 3 "ponytails". Does anyone actually use this hair and I just don't know it?

18- Chloe Bourgeois

Behold, the most incosistent character on this whole show.

I like to say that "Chloe" is not a character. It's a title giving to many identical looking characters that swap places depending on what the plot explains.

The First Chloe is season 1 Chloe, who is your typical mean girl. She bullies other students, is superficial... but, she is mostly a harmless thing. She is just mean, and the akumas all go after her on the end of the episode.

The Second Chloe is the Chloe of episode "Malekdiktator". This Chloe is a sensitive and fragile. She just feels lonely and purposeless.

The Third Chloe is the sassy anti-hero Chloe. She helps Ladybug and Chat Noir as Queen Bee, and can act kindly from time to time. But, she will still be occasionally mean and insult your clothing.

The Fourth Chloe is season 4 Chloe, who is like the first Chloe, but instead of having some depth and realism to her... she is now just pure evil. She trapped Sabrina in her closet and treats Andre like a slave.

The Fifth Chloe is season 5!Chloe, who is a heartless monster that becomes a dictator as soon as she can, becomes Hawk Moth's ally, and incriminates others to get her way.

The writing keeps changing Chloe to what they need her to be. There is no progressive transition or any signs of an arc.

She is a plot point which the writers will never let go.

As for her design... it's pretty iconic, not gonna lie.

17- Kagami Tsurugi

Man, it hurts me putting Kagami this low on the list... but the writers ruined her character.

When Kagami was introduced, she wasn't much different from the majority of the secondary cast.

All we knew is that she came from a strict family and that she was a perfectionist. She is very hard on herself, and wants to make her mother proud.

But as time progressed, the show showed how fierce and determined she could be and that even people like Lila and Chloe could get in the way of the things she wanted (Sadly, most of the time, her goal is Adrien, not a prizer or anything).

Then, Ikari Gozen happened, and we finally saw a new side of Kagami. How lonely she felt, how awkward she could be out of her comfort zone, and that, although she had her issues with Marinette, she wanted to have her as a friend.

On Season 4, she stays mostly the same, although, I feel even more sympathy towards her because Adrien was such a bad boyfriend to her.

(Seriously, Adrien dating Kagami while still having feelings for Ladybug, and Marinette dating Luka while still having feeling for Adrien was a mess that the show never acknowledged).

Season 5, however... things go downhill for her.

Before, she used to be one of the few people to not fall for Lila's, due to her intelligence and strategic thinking. But, now, she is one of Lila's MAIN puppets for the season.

But the worst is probably the relationship with Felix.

Kagami, GIRL, that boy gave the most powerful artifacts in the universe to a Terrorist. He erased human life from the face of the planet. It's not because he saved you from his mother that it makes him a good person deep down!

Man, Kagami was such a confident queen in the past, who knew who to trust... and they turned her into this mess during season 5.

If I was to rank Season 3-4 Kagami, she would be way higher on the list.

But Feligami destroyed her reputation.

I have a few issues with her design. The hair looks weird, and... the damn uniform. A lot of people comment on how her uniform is because of japanese steryotypes and I hate it.

16- Marinette Dupain-Cheng

Okay, before starting my explanation, I would like to disclaim a few things first.

Marinette as character, seems to be constantly having a hard time.

She has the most powerful miraculous, Chat Noir indeed doesn't treat things as seriously as he should, she becomes the guardian way younger than she should, and she has to carry a lot of weight for a girl her age.

Just like we saw in Steven from Steven Universe, this kind of responsibility indeed can lead to an unstable mental health.

And there is also the fact that Marinette only acts the way she does, because Miraculous a whole isn't good at executing ideas.

BUT, even with all of this... it is still very hard to defend her actions.

At season 1, at least, she was mostly just a fangirl. She didn't have the healthies behavior around Adrien, but, she still had salvation. And let's not forget that she was punished (at least, to some degree) by the narrative when she did something wrong (like in "Bubbler", when Tikki reprehends the way she used the Lucky Charm to stop Chloe from kissing Adrien, or when her reckless behavior as Ladybug led to Lila's akumatization on "Volpina).

Season 2 Marinette starts to do some questionable things, like leading Luka on, and keeping Chat Noir in the dark about the Guardian. Although, to be fair, she only kept secrets from Chat Noir because of Fu. She should have insisted more, but, it's not the worst she has done.

Then, on Season 3, Marinette goes off the rails. We have Animaestro, where she joins forces with Chloe to break Kagami, and Adrien, becomes overly paranoid with the Lila situation to the point of being obsessive with proving she is a liar. There is the Wax museum scene...

Season 4 Marinette is where I am torn about. In one hand, yes, she leaves the 4 kids she was supposed to be babysitting with her grandfather to be with Adrien, keeps a lot of info from Chat Noir, makes a whole plan to invade a party at Adrien's house, gives Adrien a miraculous although it already failed, and her whole relationship with Luka.

But, on the other hand... the girl is having the worst time of her life. She is guarding a bunch of small gods as a teenage girl, can't trust anyone, has no mentor to help her figure things out or to vent too, and needs to keep "Chat Blanc" a secret so that Chat Noir doesn't get akumatized. And Hawk Moth fixed the Peacock and he is a more dangerous threat (well, in-universe, that is).

And there was some logic as to why she chose "Adrien" to wield the Dog in "Strikeback". He had no mark, she was under Risk's influence and so on... (the part where she says that Flaimidable is an official part of the team pisses me off, though, cause, Miss Hound debuted AN EPISODE BEFORE).

Season 5 is where her mental health is finally at the bottom, and, combined with the fact she seems to be going back and forth of who she wants to be with (Adrien, Chat Noir and Luka in a way), she does a lot of bad decisions.

However, there is a limit to how many things a bad mental health can excuse. She kind of manipulated Chat Noir's feelings to get him to kiss her.

However, to be honest, if Astruc learned his lesson on how he can't write Marinette like a Stalker and overly jealous girlfriend, and tried to improve her portrayal on the next seasons, I could TRY to forgive her...

But then, Sublimation came.

Even after all the fans complaints, the forced backstory in Derision to try to justify her behavior, and the promise of starting a new arc... Marinette ends up breaking a girl's prosthetic leg because of Adrien.

In the end, even if I can see the archetype they were going for when creating Marinette, girl, I can't defend you and your jealousy!

Seriously, some of the things you did probably can be considered crimes.

(If I am forgetting something, please comment on the post. I don't have energy to search ALL the questionable things Marinette did on the show).

Her design isn't bad, but... the pigtails are childish, and the outfit looks like a simple pajama. Since she is a fashion designer, I expected something more.

15- Nino Lahiffe

Man, Nino... what have the writers done to you?

Nino on season 1 was Adrien's best friend who tried to teach him how to relax and have fun.

He was this chill guy who dated Alya and spoke a lot of "dude". He was never the most profound character, but, he was quite sweet.

On season 2, during "Anansi", Nino shows how much he care for Alya and gets the turtle miraculous.

Then, he becomes basically irrelevant in season 3. It felt like the writers have no idea of what to do with him anymore.

Probably because, since Adrien has less runtime than Marinette, Nino get's basically zero focus, since the show only cares for him as Adrien's best friend and Alya's boyfriend.

If this wasn't bad enough on its own already,at season 4, Nino gets turned into a toxic boyfriend, revealing him and Rena Rouge's identity in a moment of rage.

Then, at season 5, he starts the whole idea of the resistance... and his plans are... questionable to say the least.

I honestly feel bad for Nino. The writers don't seem to care for him for who he is, and all of his arcs are dependant on other characters.

The show doesn't show his own inner struggles, ambitions, or his home life. Which makes him very shallow.

I know that Astruc once commented that Nino has an older brother who has disappeared and gave him the hat before going missing, and that's why Nino was sad when Chamaleon stole it.

But, they never done anything with it in the show which makes Nino's character empty.

I wish the show had treated him better, but man, "Rocketear" and "Illusion" really damaged his image.

Nino's design is solid. I think it shows his chill personality well.

14- Adrien Agreste

Just like with Marinette, I would like to disclaim a few things.

I know Adrien has a complex home life. I know that all the sheltering from his parents made him a bit socially awkward. I know that Chat Noir is the only way he can truly be himself. AND I KNOW THE SENTIMONSTER PLOT KEPT HIM FROM HAVING AN INTEREST ARC.

Season 1 Adrien is... pretty wishy-washy. Although he is "nice" and he cares for his friends... he doesn't do much. A lot of that has to do with the fact Gabriel barely lets him out of the Manor, but, it doesn't excuse things such as him being friends with Chloe, even after she bullies not only Marinette, but Juleka, Mylene, Rose, Kim, and, honestly, everyone at the class.

As Chat Noir... he is a good enough hero. Cataclysm here was still useful, and he had his moments. Although his recklessness caused a lot of problems for Ladybug from time to time, and he didn't learn anything with it.

And let's not forget that he lied he was dating Ladybug just so Theo wouldn't flirt with her. Some people headcanon this as him protecting Ladybug (who he though was a minor) from an adult.

But let's be fair, Theo is probably their age in-universe, and Chat just did it out of jealousy. Which, was a bit of a dick move, but, not the worst thing he pulled out.

On season 2 he started to get a bit annoying. As Adrien, he keeps finding ways of defending Chloe, and "lecturing" how people shouldn't be happy with her leaving which... I understand he feels bad about his first friend leaving Paris, but, he can't explain the rest of the class should feel bad about it.

Chloe has been straight up BULLYING AND TORTURING the class for years, and everyone there had a right to be happy.

As Chat Noir, his jealousy becomes a problem with his character. Yes, Ladybug isn't exactly a great partner all the time, but he could try to remain professional instead of pouting.

Season 3 cements Adrien's character as a bland cardboard. Sorry, but his way of dealing with Lila wasn't good either. Like, if Lila's lies was harmless, I would understand the "high road idea", but she was straight up taking advantage of everyone. Lila's situation could have ended badly if they didn't take any action.

He does seem to change his stance on her a bit during "Onichan" and "Ladybug", but, it only affects the plot on season 5.

Then, season 4 happens, and boy, it isn't good for his image.

First, his whole relationship with Kagami is a mess. He CLEARLY has feelings for Ladybug while he is dating her. Like, he considers causing an akumatization on lies just because he is bored and wants to see her.

The scene with the yellow rose meant nothing on the special if Adrien would pull up a stunt like that on the second episode of the season.

As Chat Noir, he becomes so whiny this season. Like yeah, I understand Ladybug could put more trust on him, but, at this point, he should expect some secrets.

Season 5, surprisingly, is when Adrien's character actually gets a bit interesting.

Now that he is crushing on Marinette, and not Ladybug, we see him taking initiative as Adrien instead of Chat Noir. Which actually gives him a bit of development and depth...

Sadly, what holds him back is the sentimonster plot.

Meanwhile, Chat Noir this season is pretty ignored and forgotten by the plot. So, nothing to say about him.

Summing up my thoughts about Adrien: it's not his fault the way he is, but, most of the time, he whines or throws jealous tantrums.

Adrien's design is not bad, but... it's plain. It isn't that fashionable for the son of a designer, and it doesn't show his personality either.

13- Marc Anciel

You might be wondering why Marc is on the half of the list of characters that I don't like... and it's because I don't like him, sorry.

Like, Reverser was an interesting episode. The akuma was creative, and, since Marc was a writer, it was a way for the fanfic writers fan to relate to him...

HOWEVER, Marc suffers from an issue. It isn't new to us that the miraculous writers are not the best in characterization, and sometimes, many characters can feel the same.

Marc feels like he is just a more friendly version with Nathaniel. And whenever he appears, he is WITH Nathaniel. And they act like a hivemind.

This makes Marc feels less like a character and more like an extension of Nathaniel.

He doesn't feel original, and the fact that he only has a prominent role in 3 episodes (one of which is Gabriel Agreste, where his role was a mess), doesn't make him any more interesting.

And the fact that he is a part of Mendeleeive's class doesn't help at all, considering everyone there barely has cameos, and I doubt the show's team sees the majoirty of them as actual characters.

Then, in Penalteam, someway somehow, even with how little emphasis he had through the show, he got a miraculous...

Seriously, the writers made Chloe evil only so that there was a spare miraculous for Marc? When Zoe could have gotten the rooster?

(I usually only keep Marc as the rooster holder in my AUs cause 1, I like the design, and 2, he is the only confirmed writer on the teen cast).

There is also the fact that Marc was inspired by a person that was allegedly friends with Astruc, and that Astruc allegedly treated badly. This kind of sours the character even more to me.

And last, but not least... I don't like the design. It isn't the outfit, I just think that his face and his hair don't mix well.

It's mostly due to the hair, I think, because I love the combo of his bone structure with his Rooster Bold hair.

I personally like @maddascanbe-blog 's take on marc, because they adjust the face shape and the hair to make a better combo.

But, before moving on to the next character, I would like to state that I don't judge anyone who likes Marc as a character.

Again, he is a character who writes, and the miraculous fandom is known for its large amount of fanfiction and rewrites. He is a shy character that is also slightly geeky.

I understand why people like Marc, @artzychic27 has a lot of stories expanding on the character and creating a bunch of interesting headcanons in the process.

It's just that the character doesn't work for me.

Still, I think he deserved better.

12- Kim Ature

Kim is a character that angers me a lot.

And not because of Derision. Far from it, actually.

Kim, from the start, had questionable behaviors that he could have learned from and improved. But, the show kinds of ignores his past mistakes.

He is very insensitive with the feelings of his friends, like how we saw in Stoneheart, where he is literally mocking Ivan, a boy that clearly has low self-stem, because he can't confess his feelings.

And "Timebreaker" reveals that he is known for pressuring his friends into dares that no one seems to enjoy. Reason why Alix dares him into a race to see if she can stop him.

He is not a jerk, nor a bully, but, he clearly lacks emotional intelligence.

Does the show does anything interesting with it? No, it doesn't. We never see him apologizing to Ivan, or trying to empathize with his classmates.

He doesn't have any arc and it's sad.

He is only higher on the list, because there are moments where Kim is actually enjoyable. And because I know he isn't a bad person.

Just wish the show actually tried to give him something.

His design fits him perfectly, and I can't imagine him any other way.

11- Alya Cesaire

I feel like the fandom has a weird view on Alya.

Most of the complaints I see is when people call her a bad friend and things like this.

However, I don't exactly see Alya as a bad friend. Her believing Lila is mostly due to bad writing. and, although she can be a bit pushy when it comes to Marinette's love life... literally the entire cast (but Zoe, as shown in Kwami's Choice) is.

My main problem with Alya is that she is not what the show tries to portray her as.

We are told that Alya is more of a serious reporter, or even a detective in the majority of cases.

But... she mostly seems like a fangirl, an amateur gossip reporter, or an influencer.

She is either after Ladybug's identity to post on her blog to get more views, making videos such as rankings, or taking unecessary risks to get some answers.

I know she is a teenager, and there aren't many teenagers in the real world who actually do serious investigative work, but, the problem is that the show tries to portray her in a more serious light.

But, besides helping Marinette with the Miracle Book in season 4, we don't see her doing anything else. We don't see her interrogating akuma victims to find a pattern, or trying to find Hawk Moth's identity with an investigative board... nothing.

If they embraced the more gossipy side, I think that she would be more interesting, but, since they don't, Alya ends up as just an annoying character to me.

Alya's design for me it's good. It's hard for me to imagine her any other way.

10- Ivan Bruel

From this point onwards, is where I start to find the characters interesting or even liking them.

Ivan, as a character, it's pretty interesting. He is sweet, insecure, has no friends, and, still, he seems to care so much about all his friends.

He is aware of his strengh, and, because of that, is afraid of hurting others.

Besides, he is such a cute boyfriend to Mylene, and is always trying to support her.

Astruc also confirmed that he has a hard home life, which, could lead to interesting episodes.

What holds him back is the lack of focus that he is given.

Besides Stoneheart, Horrificator, a bit of Mega Leech, and Penalteam, he doesn't do much, and just stands on the background.

He had the potential of being a fan favorite... but, the plot forgets his existence most of the time.

His design is simple, but, I kind of like it.

9- Mylene Harprele

Mylene, as a character, is interesting as well. I think that it's interesting how much she struggles with her fears, mostly because I struggle with mine as well.

And still, she manages to be an activist and fights for what she believes.

Sadly, she doesn't have much more going with her character.

Besides her sweetness, emphaty and insecurities, the show doesn't explore more about her.

They do have the plot of her interest in acting but... I think that her activism plot is more interesting.

Not that she can't be both, but, since we already have an actress on the main cast (Zoe), I think that they shouldn't overlap.

The web series 'Miraculous Secrets' on YouTube commented on Mylene wants to be a politician someday, and, I think that, if the show focused more on that, Mylene could get way more interesting.

Imagine if, instead of Marinette, Mylene was Class President? She would be forced to face her fears, doubts and Chloe to do so. It could be a great arc for her.

But, no, she only gets one or two uncreative episodes that try to teach about environmental awareness but fail badly.

And, although the fact that her mother left was only added to tarnish Chloe's image even more, they could have used it to explain where her phobias came from, and have an episode where she faces her traumas.

But no. The show just treats her as the "hippie girl" of the class.

As for her design, I don't have any complaints. I heard people talk about how her hair is cultural appropriation, but, since I am a white boy, I have no idea if it is or not.

If any black person would like to comment on the matter, I would gladly hear it.

8- Rose Lavillant

Rose, in general, is an interesting character.

Although she is very sweet and innocent, she is also very strong and dedicated.

And, even is she doesn't have many episodes where she has a prominent role, her minutes on the spotlight are very well utilized.

Either be her usual comments on the Love Square, her trying to cheer her friends up, and "Guilltrip" as a whole.

But, there is one BIG problem with her character... the "Toxic Positivity" she is always trying to force onto the other characters and the viewers.

As someone who grew up with Spongebob, and still uses toxic positivity nowadays as a copying mechanism... kids shouldn't be taught that. It isn't healthy.

And the show doesn't acknowledge that at any moment.

As for the design, I think it fits Rose perfectly. It matches how joyful and bubbly she is.

7- Luka Couffaine

Luka is a pretty chill guy. He usually is the group's therapist due to usually being the one with most experience and thoughtful.

Growing up without a father, and with Anarka being chaotic, he had to learn to be responsible and help himself and Juleka.

He is great at music and uses it to express himself and understand the world around him...

He is also very romantic, and know how to flirt.

He seems like the perfect Love Interest... which ends up making him a bit of an uninteresting character.

I understand why the fandom loves him, because, well, he is "perfect". But, that doesn't leave much room for him to grow.

We rarely saw Luka's inner conflicts or his struggles through the seasons.

Viperion, from his debut, is already great with his miraculous, and he never fails.

The times his powers fail is due to someone else's actions.

Season 5 brought an interesting arc for him. He found out about Ladybug and Chat Noir's identities, and, therefore, can't get akumatized. Because, if he does, Monarch wins.

But, after Migration, he is sent to Brazil and only returns at the season finale...

As for his design... I mean, it's okay. It kind of matches the character... BUT, I would like to comment on something.

During the big season 1 and 2 hiatus, where the fandom survived with the fan comics and the crumbs of information... some people created designs for Luka.

I don't know the artist because I only saw the comic on youtube, but, there was a design of him which he had a more circular face shape like Juleka, red highlights instead of cyan, and a more timid, but still playful behavior that was PERFECT!

Although Canon Luka is sufficient at his job... this fan comic Luka was so cool!

It's a shame I never found the artist...

All in all, I like Luka, but, he could have been more interesting.

6- Nathaniel Kurtzberg

Although I don't like Nathaniel as much as the fandom does, I do think he is interesting.

He is an art kid who enjoys fancomics and fanfiction. Pretty relatable in my opinion.

My main problem with Nathaniel is that the crew sometimes exagerrate with his sass.

Instead of being charismatically sassy (like Pearl on SU, for example), he feels more whiny from time to time.

Like, sometimes it can be a pain to see him in scream complaining or throwing a tantrum.

Still, he is not the worst character on the show.

As for his design... I don't like red on him. Like, we already have so many characters on red, like Marinette after she transforms, Marc, Kagami, Kim...

It's just a bit too much. After finding out he is actually a brunette, i was fully convinced they should have chosen another color for him.

Especially cause, although I love Caprikid's design, and it fits Nathaniel perfectly... the red doesn't look good.

Imagine him being Brunette with really dark hair as a civillian, and his turning black with white streaks after he transforms?

All in all, even if Nathaniel can be enjoyable in canon, he can also be a pain in the ass (and his behavior in "Reverser" was unacceptable).

5- Juleka Couffaine

Juleka is a character that I really like... mostly because of the Brazillian Dub.

In most countries, she is a character that jsut mumbles, and, most of the times I see the official accounts commenting on what she is trying to say... it's usually creepy. Like how people suggested that she once said that "Marinette should kidnap Kagami".

However, instead of just mumbling, Juleka actually speaks in Brazillian. Most of her lines are probably not what Astruc in mind, but, it makes her more interesting.

Brazillian!Juleka is, a lot of the times, a reluctant voice of reason. Like, in one episode, she suggested that Marinette should SPEAK with Kagami about her feelings for Adrien. Instead of any crazy plan.

Besides, I think that Juleka's arc is pretty interesting. She had to learn how to express herself, and stop people from stepping on her.

Although Crocoduel ended up being more about Lukanette's break up than Juleka, it shows us new sides of the character.

It shows how Juleka feels unfavored in comparison to Luka (specially by Jagged), how she doesn't want to disappoint her friends... and how she just want her parents to make peace and stop fighting.

It's a shame that the miraculous magically solved her self-stem, though, instead of being something more procedual.

Also, I hate how the tiger's power was basically the same as the cat, when the entire fandom wanted invisibility.

Still, Juleka had an arc on the show... which is more than I can say about the rest of the cast.

And, the design combines perfectly with her.

4- Max Kante

Max is miraculous best boy, and, no, you won't change my mind.

Max is pretty much the steryotype of the geeky nerd. He is great at math and objectivity, he is great at science, and can be a bit socially awkard from time to time.

Although he doesn't have an overarching story across the series, his hero choice was the one who made most sense in context. Unlike the other heroes who were mostly chosen due to being friends with Ladybug or Chat Noir and being related to the akuma, Max actually helped the heroes on the episode.

His relationship with his mother is also very cute, especially considering how badly Parent and children relationships are written in the show. It reminds me a bit about mine with my mother (although my relationship with my mother can be a bit more complex due to some reasons XD).

My biggest disappointment towards him, however, is that he was given the horse, and not the, I don't know, the RABBIT!

Like, out of all kids in class, he is the one who would probably understand about time travel. Imagine if he was the one safe watching the timeline?

I like to imagine Rabbit!Max as a Professor Paradox from Ben 10, of sorts, who appears only when necessary and knows what to do to keep the events on the rails.

It makes more sense for him to have this role than Alix. At least, in my opinion.

Besides, imagine episodes focused on Max learning how to deal with time annomalies inside of Burrow. Like a Rabbit!Max spin-off! Let me dream, guys, please.

As for his design, it is adorable. I love the suspenders.

I do have my complaints about his character, like, the circumstances for his two akumatizations are pretty... meh and two basic, and his friendship with Kim is too underutilized and explored by the show.

3- Alix Kudbel

Alix is such a fun character to watch. She is competitive, and has a bit of a short fuse, but, at the same time, she is also the one who tends to be the most reasonable on her friends' group.

She is sassy, but on the right measure, and has her moments of vulnerability. And, even if her relationship with her father isn't frequently shown, I think it's interesting that, even is she tends to be a bit rebellious... he supports her and trusts her.

My main problem with her is the choice of her miraculous...

Alix has always been a character that is straight to the point. She is brave, direct and confrontational... and they gave her a miraculous that forces her to be on the sidelines...

In my opinion, she should have been given either the Snake, the Tiger, the Ox, the Bee or the dog.

Due to her position as Bunnix, she doesn't appear as much as she should.

(Although, like with Max, maybe some episodes focused on her adventures inside of burrow could also solve this issue).

Her design is also very cool. It's pretty rebellious and sporty. Although, I don't like the shade of pink in her hair... like, it just doesn't clash well.

I also would like to thank my friend @natedogx15 , by making Alix a main character in his rewrite, he showed me how good Alix could actually be.

2- Zoe Lee

Okay, this character grew a lot in me as I rewatched season 4 and 5 (also the fact that the other characters got worse and worse in my eyes).

Although Zoe is usually seen as just Chloe's half-sister who became the next Queen Bee, she is much more than that.

She is a girl from an abusive family, who felt powerless on her own house, and lost herself in an attempt to fit in a world where she thought she had to belong...

Only to find out that she could be herself, because she would eventually find a place where people would like her for who she is.

I am making a bunch of analysis on Zoe's character, but, to sum it up, she isn't a bad character. It's just that the show hates her.

I would also recommend @nerdy-chocomallow analysis on her. It will surely help you guys have a new vision on her.

1- Sabrina Raincomprix

I am aware that this opinion is very unpopular among the fandom, and I kind of understand it.

She was Chloe's servant from seasons 1 to 4, and, even if she was treated badly... she still helped Chloe into torturing the rest of the class without visible remorse, only to suddenly few guilt in Season 5 and turn her back on Chloe and Lila...

But, just like the majority of Sabrina fans, I like Sabrina for 1, how much i relate to her, and 2, for all the headcanons that I created with her unused potential.

The old webseries commented on how, with the exception of Adrien, Sabrina has the best grades of the class.

You might ask yourself "What about Max?". I like to imagine that, although he is a prodigy at math and science... he isn't as good with subjective subjects. Like poetry.

As for Sabrina, I headcanon her as for being a jack of all trades. She isn't a master at science or Math like Max, but passionate and dedicated enough to get the top grades.

I also like to imagine Sabrina writes poems. She can't vent her feelings with words, so she does it via poems.

Also, as Penalteam shows, she loves soccer. I imagine she is a fan of sports in general, and uses them as a way to relieve stress.

Why she is so dedicated in general? Maybe it's a way to try to get her busy father's attention. Maybe it's so that she can fill the voide she feels due to her loneliness.

Sadly speaking, that's what those headcanons are. Headcanons.

If you guys want more Sabrina headcanons like this, i recommend @sabrina-central to get more info.

It's a shame that canon Sabrina didn't get more explored. Although I never had a toxic friendship on this level, I know the feeling of feeling alone, and that you will never find friends outside your current group. I know how it is to have a lot to say, but unable of externalizing it.

As for her design... I just think that the shorts are ugly. Like, the shade of cyan they chose doesn't fit the character at all.

Anyway, that was my ranking. If you disagree with me... I understand. Miraculous as whole doesn't have good writting, especially when it comes to the characters.

And I understand people excusing or defending a character because they can relate to them.

I just think it's important for us to be critical so we can learn from the mistakes the characters make.

[moth-ink]

I feel like they'd have such varying reactions but it'd all boil down to just not understanding how to handle emotions properly, not only because they literally aren't HUMAN but also because they've all bottled up things for so long, I mean there's only so much you can bitch and moan about what you are when you know it isn't going to change (AHEM, Edward, AHEM)

I think Bella might be a little mad at Edward for leaving her, but as I said before she'd have an easier time forgiving Edward because he was at least trying to have her interest in mind even if he was wrong.

And I mean he literally tried to delete himself when he heard Bella died, so I think she'd just be happy he's still even on earth to come back to her.

Huge yap fest about the rest of the Cullens under the line

Alice as her supposed 'best friend' probably was only forgiven in that time during New Moon because she was slapped in the face with her coming back and then kicked in the ass at the fear of Edward oofing that she didn't really have time to be upset at Alice, but after everything calms down, she might start to be a little bitter.

I think Alice would go back to normal, I wouldn't be surprised if her visions affected her emotional intelligence (she started loving Jasper before she even met him, so clearly visions affect her present feelings) since she's seen everything be okay again, she's seen herself already forgiven.

It might take her a lil bit to realize that everything isn't entirely okay, maybe even triggering a vision of Bella getting upset at her, prompting her to act but not exactly in the right way.

Lots of gifts, I think she'd kind of think that money will solve this problem because shopping and buying outfits makes her feel better, she thinks she's showing Bella that she does care, look at all the pretty things she got for her! Don't you feel better?

Although I don't think you'll get this soft, heartfelt apology from Alice, a serious conversation might get her to pump the brakes and try to think more in the present instead of just thinking about presents, although that'd be unlikely since Bella isn't exactly that confrontational so Alice most likely would have to receive guidance from someone else.

Jasper wasn't particularly close to Bella, but he'd harbour some guilt as he is the reason they even left in the first place.

He wouldn't try to act like everything was normal as he can literally sense that everything is definitely not normal, but he's a bit too awkward to outwardly do anything about it.

Although he does care about Bella to some degree, he'd mostly just be worried about Alice, he could sense how she'd get progressively more and more distraught the longer her love bombing doesn't fix anything.

He wouldn't like to use his gift to lighten the situation, but he might use it to coax Bella into talking about it, since she has a tendency to shut down instead of discussing her feelings (theres a possibilityyyy)

Mostly he's just worried about Alice and the other family members who are more affected by her distance.

Surprisingly I think Emmett would be one of the first to actually get to the root of the problem, he's a bit of a meathead I know I know, and at first I think he'd also try to pretend like everythings okay, going back to that sort of big brother type but maybe upping it a bit more to try and win her back.

Lots of bear hugs, noogies and general big bro shenanigans.

HOWEVERRRR as I stated before, he had a little sister growing up, and since he's not as ancient as everyone else he still has some connection to his emotions as a human, especially ones that come from a lil sis.

He was the breadwinner of his family, when he was turned he was worried sick about them, hence the huge donation Carlisle made to them, but I still do think he worries that they think he abandoned him.

Although he's not really good with words, and might come off as kind of an awkward dad, he'd empathize with Bella and her feelings quicker than the others would, protecting her from anyone who dares to say anything negative.

Rosalie would not care, she might even think that Bella is being a bit overdramatic about her feelings, I think it stems from the fact it takes Rose awhile to build a strong relationship with someone, so she treats it as less of a deal since Bella hasn't known them for that long.

If anything she might be a little happy that Bella is distancing herself, that maybe being more seperate from the family would deter her from wanting to be a vampire.

HOWEVER, this could potentially bond them a bit better, one thing that I think will connect them is abandonment issues.

Think about it, Bella's parents divorced and her father didn't even fight for any custody of her, and then her mother got remarried and gave Bella the ultimatum to leave and let them travel or stay and tie them down.

Of course you could say 'Bella chose that!! Renee didn't want her to leave!!' but Renee knows how much Bella cares about her, she's always put Renee's needs before her own (*cough* parentification *cough*)

You can't argue that Renee didn't know that Bella would choose to leave, even if it made her miserable, she was the parent and easily could've said no, put Bella before her new husband and waited until she grew up enough to be on her own.

Bella's always been the one chasing, never the one being chased.

The Cullens leaving would only reinforce that, part of her clinginess to Edward would probably stem from the fact she's been taught that she needs to hold on with two hands or they'll leave her.

How would Rosalie relate to this? well look at her backstory, not only did her fiancee abandon her (among other terrible things that happened that night) and left her to die on the streets, imagine someone you love throwing you away so easily.

And her family wasn't that much better, Rosalie only stayed with Carlisle because she didn't want to be alone, even if she resented Carlisle for what he'd made her into.

She could've easily rejected him, go back to her family, but she didn't, maybe it was because she didn't want them to see what she'd become but it could also easily be because she'd already been abandoned.

Maybe they never tried to figure out what happened to her, her fiancé was a powerful man from a powerful family, and Royce never faced any consequences, it could be because he'd paid off her family to not kick up a fuss about her disapearance.

This could be a moment of relating to each other, the feeling of being left or forgotten in some way could bring them a little closer, although I doubt Rosalie would go all soft she might be more receptive to listening to Bella, granted that Bella listens as well.

It isn't much, but they might be able to have a stable conversation for once.

Esme, oh Esme, she'd be so guilty, even if Bella wasn't mad, she'd probably still be distraught, but she'd feel 100x worse since Bella IS upset.

Although she wouldn't dream of disagreeing with her feelings, I think she'd overcompensate so hard she'd miss the point of why Bella is upset in the first place.

Home cooked meals, presents, constant invites over to family activities, anything to include her back in the family.

If there was a discussion about it, Esme would break and probably beg her for forgiveness, if vampires could cry she'd be red faced and bawling, there might be a smidge of guilt tripping and accidentally making it about herself, oh Bella, she never wanted to leave you! she'd wanted to call so many times, it'd just break her heart if you kept her at arms length.

While Carlisle wasn't super close to Bella, his empathetic nature would leave him feeling terribly guilty, especially when he see's how distraught his wife is.

While he does have some grip on his emotions, he'd also lean a bit more into the buying gifts side of things, however I think he'd target the things that Bella likes and use that to sort of weasel his way back in.

Oh, Bella likes reading? why doesn't she come over to his very extensive library with only the plushest reading chairs then, and he just so happens to be taking a break from his paperwork when she's in there.

Although he would probably apologize in that adorable soft voice of his, he would try to ease back into acting normal however he'd probably be a lot more gentle and attentive.

The last thing he wants is for her to leave, however it stems more from caring about Edward than about her specifically, he doesn't want to lose the one thing that brings his son joy.

He would care a lot about her feelings, but I also think he'd register that she's not really one to talk about them, a bit of his doctor training would come out and he might gently coax her into talking more about it.

He might unintentionally treat her like a bit of a younger kid, but more in a way of being attentive than condescending, always there to help, to listen, to fix up any boo boo's no matter how minor they are.

I also think he'd fund things that brought her joy, like she wants to re-pick up her ballet skills, well it just so happens he's invested in a new dance studio being built for Forks.

He'll deny having anything to do with it, but when it eventually gets revealed to be named Bell Studio there might be a little suspicion.

But that's between him and the new car (that Rosalie is fixing up) for Bella in his garage :)

Bella distancing herself from the Cullens after New Moon because they up and left her (She had an easier time forgiving Edward because he actually had a REASON) and they desperately try to win her back (esp Alice, Esme and Carlisle) but don't know how because they're emotionally constipated vampires is an idea i'm normal about

[trickquestionn]

I want to make a tma commedia dell'arte au SO bad but all I have is tim as arlecchino I'm so insanely cooked

[toast-in-a-cowboy-hat]

I dont think it's canon, but I have to say, I do love the idea that Ty needs glasses/contacts to see in his daily life, like beyond reading glasses, because it's like

You have access to so much powerful technology...

You have the ability to travel through time, create entire copies of people, find almost anyone, anywhere, at any given moment, literally bring people back to life and heal them from fatal injuries....

... and you still can't tell me what the first letter on line 3 is from 20 feet away without using your special little magic eye windows

Incredible

I'm sure the in universe explanation for why he wouldn't have had corrective eye surgery would probably be something like consolidation making it a bit risky and it could potentially fuck up your eyes in a New and Different way, or he doesn't actually need glasses whatsoever, but personally I'm fond of the notion that...

...despite who he is and despite everything he does, all the horrific experiments and surgeries, 100% including things involving eyes...

...Ty is just too squeamish about the idea of having eye surgery done to him to get it done

[rotisseries]

everyone debates about elmike like oh they're the best of friends no they would never hang out on their own they don't even know each other, when the true answer, much like everything else about them, is that there is so so much and also nothing at all

[myatlantispoets]

Ik i sound like such a stereotypical straight woman rn but. How do i ask my bf for flowers without asking my bf for flowers

[hide-your-bugs-away]

hearing Alan talk about how much he liked Albert Grossman and Eric talk about how much he liked Brian Epstein makes my tiny emotional brain implode like GHGhHhh the Animals' actual manager was Not Good!!!!!!! they were actively looking at the managers of their contemporaries and wished they could've had that instead!!!!!!! 🥹

[moe-broey]

LIKE........ @ the prev post about armor flexibility.... Is That Why They Look Like That??????? 👁️👁️

Something else fascinating I found actually when I was comparing the Askr trio (knowing Alfonse and Sharena largely match, just a few differences here and there), wanting to get a better look at Anna...

SHE HAS BIG ASS BOOTS?!????? I. COMPLETELY FORGOR ....... it gives her a real sturdy look though. Hm.... (Thinking about what this means for characterization/how I'd draw her, esp w my initial impressions kind of. Being the opposite of this LMFAOOO oops 😥)

[maverickcalf]

I still hold fast to the fact Trapper had written Hawkeye a letter and it was turned back because it was during the time that everyone declared Hawkeye was dead.

And he is too worried that everyone else had died too so he doesn't send a follow up.

[risuola]

ENTRY #11 ♡ F. READER X GOJO SATORU // I starve for your touch yet fear to savor it.

contents: arranged marriage!au, nudity, reader discretion is advised — wc. 1690

a/n: there was no way i wouldn't write a fic based on this picture. just no way.

series masterlist

Satoru loves to sleep naked.

The beauty of his innate technique, the blessing that he mastered to no end, has stripped him off one of the most basic human needs — touch. He wasn’t missing it that much, he thought, but there was something in letting go of everything and allowing himself to be wrapped in the silky layers of bedsheets that made his body crave the feeling.

He has always picked expensive garments, the ones with soft fabrics and luxurious feel, despite everyone telling him it’s unreasonable to spend so much on a shirt or a pair of trousers, but to him, it did matter. To him, that was the only thing touching his body when a thin layer of infinity effectively forced everything else back. To Satoru, touch was forbidden, threatening. It was a vulnerability that he, the strongest, couldn’t afford.

But that until he’s met you. Until he’s married you.

You were one of not many people he’s made an exception for. You were able to touch him whenever you wanted because the protective surface of endless matter let you in. Because he himself altered his technique to make you capable of laying your hands on his body.

He longed for your touch. So soft, and delicate, and warm. He craved more of it and yet, despite being shameless and confident, he has not allowed himself to sleep bare even once since the day you and him were bound by the knot of matrimony. It would cross boundaries he wasn’t sure you’d wish to cross; it would make you uncomfortable, awkward maybe — and he liked the way your relationship looked like now. He liked the late evenings you talked quietly, alone and intimate in the warm embrace of sheets and your own house.

For you, he let go of the way he used to sleep before because you were worth the sacrifice, but now, you were gone for few days. You were sent on a mission away from Tokyo and the hours Satoru spent alone in bed, thinking of nothing more but your fingertips on top of his skin, made him desperate — and so, he allowed himself the comfort of soft cotton and silk.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You were tired. Exhausted even, by the intense fight you had to pull through, by the uncomfortable nights spent in the dingy hotel room, by the humid weather and rains. In moments like this, there was nothing you envied more in the world than your husband’s ability to warp from one place to another, but you got lucky. Incredibly so, because Ijichi offered you a ride home two days earlier than you were supposed to head back and you thanked all gods and devils for that man’s kindness. He was willing to put on some more road just to get you home.

“Thank you so, so much, Ijichi,” you kissed his cheek — a ghost of a peck that made him all red and steamy and you felt giddy for a moment, seeing the tips of his ears turn crimson. Adorable. You liked him, he was dutiful, polite, trustworthy and constantly terrorized by your husband, so you were determined to at least be the Gojo he likes.

“You’re very welcome,” he mumbled and fixed the frames on the bridge of his nose, pushing them up with the tip of his pointer finger. “Have a good rest.”

“You too, Ijichi.”

Then, he was gone and you were stepping into the house with a deep sense of relief washing over you. Home sweet home. If you were to guess, it was most likely somewhere around 4 am, way too early for anyone to be up — especially your husband — so you gave it your all to stay as quiet as possible. The sun was just showing its first rays from way below the horizon line, crawling up with golden hues and breaking the nightly, navy darkness.

On your toes you moved across the house. It seemed as if Gojo was spending his time alone quite ordinarily — you saw a modest stack of empty takeout boxes, much less humble pile of candy wrappers and his uniform jacket thrown over the couch backrest, along with few other little items that you struggled to differentiate in the nocturnal haze.

You put down your bag, hung up your coat and pushed off the shoes. Ghosting your way towards the bathroom, you were desperate to wash away the combat residuals. You lathered up the shower gel in a rush, desperate to rest and sleep in the comfort of your own bed and then, wrapped in the towel, you tippy-toed to the bedroom, but—

“Came back earlier?”

—you truly didn’t expect to be met with a sight like this. Your husband was awake, just barely, most likely awaken by the water running in the bathroom. His eyes were closed, hidden underneath his forearm and shielded from the lights that were slowly creeping inside, between the dark curtains and onto his face. His body seemed relaxed between the sheets. The softest, gentlest lines of golden glimmer that painted its patterns over his uncovered chest and leg, his hip and one of the muscular arms. The duvet was covering less than half of him, hiding a part of his stomach, the other leg and—

“You’re staring.”

Satoru didn’t even have to look at you to know that your gaze was lingering on his frame. On his very, very naked frame, just barely concealed by the comforter.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, feeling the heat creeping up your cheeks and reaching the tips of your ears and you thanked the darkness for hiding it away. You walked around the bed, hoping to find your pajama where you left it and trying to force your head out of the gutter. You heard your husband letting out a deep exhale and then, a soft hum. His voice was as melodic as always, though you could tell how much sleepiness was laced into it.

Satoru should’ve notice you when you entered the area of your house, but he didn’t. Tired by his own job, by the classes and all of the meetings, he allowed himself to lower his guard and when he realized you’re home, he contemplated for a moment getting up and dressed, but he just didn’t want to.

“You’re exhausted, screw pajamas, just come here,” he said before he managed to think twice about it. It was a daring offer, inappropriate even and he opened his mouth to apologize for it, but then, you rendered him speechless.

Your weight felt good on top of him. You lay your body over his own with feathery gentleness and carefully maneuvered your way to rest on his chest completely. The touch of your skin flush to his own made his brain to short circuit, it felt divine, too good to be true and just so very right, he couldn’t say a word.

“Is that alright?” You asked quietly, pressing your ear right above his heart and letting out a breath that you held for a little too long. Your face felt hot, you were flushed and flustered but also oddly at ease with the current position and you wondered for a moment if it was the tiredness that made you so bold.

“More than that,” he replied, pulling the covers to hide you beneath them. He allowed one of his arms to snake around your waist and his lips to kiss the top of your head. “Rest. Sleep well, wifey.”

“Good night.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

10:19 AM

Satoru thought he was dreaming, but the weight on top of him felt too real. The soft scent of citrusy shower gel that lingered on your skin filled in his lungs each time he took a breath in and there was a tickle, he realized — every time his chest raised, a strand of your hair seemed to be moving against his jawline. You were not a dream.

He opened his eyes, blinking few times, adjusting them to the bright light that forced its way into the bedroom and then, he looked at you. You were still very deep asleep, he could tell based off the long inhales you were taking, slow and relaxed, fanning against his peck rhythmically. Your body was mostly on top of him, you were on his chest, your leg was between his and only your hips were resting on the bed. He still had his arm around you, as if making sure you were as close as possible.

It felt incredible. Intimate. It was everything he could have wished for. A touch, skin to skin, so intense it almost took his breath away. He felt nauseous at the thought, realizing that it’s the first time in his life, he’s that close to someone. So impossibly close that just a little bit more and you’d become a part of him. His heartbeat quickened.

It was so right. So awfully correct and at the same time, so very threatening. He felt helpless. Vulnerable. He was at your mercy, he was robbed of everything what made him the strongest, because at this very moment, he was bare. Uncovered before you, wrapped in an embrace that felt loving, that felt soothing, addicting, but if you only wished to hurt him, you’d—

You moved, shifting your weight a little bit, adjusting the position and the way your hand run down his side made him shiver. A soft sound escaped your throat when you let out a deeper exhale. He felt your fingers squeezing the flesh above his hip and then, you relaxed again.

“Your heart is beating so fast,” you whispered, not bothering to open your eyes, and Satoru held his breath. “Relax…”

And he chuckled. His chest vibrated below your ear and the adorable sound of displeasure you let out made him lose all of the tension. He turned, twisting his body inside your embrace to face you fully and he squeezed you with both of his arms, pulling you close. So impossibly close, and you whimpered, suddenly enclosed in a tight hold of your husband’s limbs. That was it for your sleep.

You could get used to it.

taglist: @kinny-away @anan-baban @lotomber @netflix-imagines @kawliflo @nishloves @ghostfacefricker6969 @thejujvtsupost @yozora7154 @cherrycolabarbedwirebedpost @stuckinmoilalaland @ae-mius @ropickle @chokesonspit @lansy-4 @mo0sin @just-pure-trash @foliea @bakarinnie @big-booty-joe

[captain-huggy-bear]

The Collection

Pairing: Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: N/A

Summary: You keep every single puck that Quinn has ever given you, he finds your collection that you've been shyly hiding away. It might just be the thing that makes him realise you're the girl he's going to marry.

Notes: I just want a boyfriend who'll give me a puck from every one of his games, is that too much to ask?

Totally happy to take requests/ideas/prompts at the moment in my ask box :)

Writing Masterlist

It starts quite simply enough with an ice hockey game, like most things did with Quinn Hughes. The two of you had known each other for a while, acquaintances through Kiefer, acquaintances who then had become somewhat friends, but by no means were you close. That had changed one afternoon when Quinn had asked if you'd come to watch him play, not watch the team, not watch Kiefer, but watch him. This had seemed quite the clear hint that he was interested, or at least Quinn had considered this a neon flashing sign telling you he was interested. He considered this him shooting his shot.

It later transpired that Quinn considered this your first date, despite the fact he was on the ice and you were beside the penalty box, and that he'd not mentioned once the word date to you, but that's a story for another time.

The important part of this first-date-that-didn't-seem-like-a-first-date was not just that it set in motion your changing relationship status from somewhat friends to boyfriend and girlfriend, but that it was the first time Quinn Hughes ever gave you a puck. Something which to many would seem inconsequential. People got hockey pucks every day, every game. Thousands of fans owned pucks from hockey games, in that sense you were not particularly special.

It had felt so silly, and so girlish at the time, to be excited over an ice hockey puck of all things just because Quinn had tipped it over the glass to you specifically. And it had been for you, the glare he'd sent to those around you who even looked like they might snatch it had been lethal. It had felt even sillier to take that puck, cradle it the entire game, squirrel it all the way home only to write the date and a simple sentence on it in metallic gold pen, 'Quinn asked me to his game'. You're not entirely sure what had possessed you to do it, why it felt like something you needed to record. It had felt so...silly to do but you'd been unable to resist.

You'd squirrelled the puck away in a box in the back of your closet, out of sight of prying eyes, but it hadn't been forgotten by you. In fact, it was seen every single time you went to one of Quinn's games. After each game you'd inevitably come back with a new puck, another one to add to the collection of pucks that you were growing. At first the number was relatively slow to grow, you didn't go to every game, not during the weird stage where Quinn had yet to outright ask you out and you, oblivious as ever didn't realise he'd been trying for weeks.

As Quinn and you began officially dating you found yourself constantly receiving pucks, every game you went to he had a puck for you and at the end of the night you'd write the date and a simple sentence on it of something that had happened that night, something significant in your relationship or simply something significant to you even if it didn't seem significant to anyone else.

Still, the box remained hidden in the back of your closet, something you almost felt too shy to share. Even now that Quinn and you were in a relationship, even now 2 years down the line when he'd asked you to move in with him once your lease was up, it still felt scary to share it. Realistically you knew Quinn wouldn't be put off by it, the sort of sentimental person he was, he'd likely love it. That didn't stop the irrational fear. Especially given how personal some of the pucks were to you. It just felt embarrassing like showing him your blog from when you were thirteen or sharing a sketchbook from when you were twelve.

Moving apartments had been as simple as moving apartments could get, which is to say not simple in the slightest. Moving your things into Quinn's place had felt a little like playing Tetris, trying to find spaces for all your books and knickknacks without completely taking over his space. Trying to find a balance between his things and yours. In that chaos you'd managed to sneak your box of pucks in and to the back of your section of closet, a, in your opinion, perfect hiding spot.

It was not in fact a perfect hiding spot. Perhaps you were naive to think that Quinn wouldn't ever find them even when you shared such close quarters? Or perhaps you'd simply been avoiding the reality, trying to forget about it except in those few moments when you got home from a game before him and rushed to write on your puck and throw it into the box along with its brethren.

Either way, whether naivety or a desire to avoid the issue, it didn't stop you from finding him in that moment sat on the floor of your shared bedroom, looking incredibly cozy in a big hoodie and sweatpants, but pawing through your box that lay in front of him. The cardboard worn and battered from years of use.

"What are doing?" You knew exactly what he was doing, you could see two years worth of pucks piled high in front of him, one currently being turned over in his hands, but the panic seemingly made your brain stop working. Processing the scene felt impossible, you could see what was happening but couldn't quite comprehend it. Quinn was careful with the pucks, almost reverent as he put the one he was currently holding off to the side and reached for another, reading whatever you'd written on it.

"You kept them?" Quinn's voice is quiet, soft, an almost whisper that has you stepping further into the room even as you twist your fingers together nervous of his reaction.

"How...how did you find them?" Perhaps it was silly to think you could keep them hidden, after all you couldn't exactly claim you'd hidden them in some elaborate or overly complicated fashion. They were simply in a ratty old cardboard box in the very back of your half of the closet. It's not like you'd hidden them in some secret compartment.

"I was looking for my ugly Christmas jumper for the party on Sunday...didn't realise you'd kept them all. Why'd you hide them?" He smiles up and over at you from his spot, looking boyish and sweet even as you internally panic about the discovery he's made.

"I...I just...it's embarrassing." You shuffle nearer even as you say it, seeking his reassurance without quite truly realising it. When you're within reach of him, Quinn tugs on your hand to pull you closer from his position on the floor, cross legged and leaning back against the side of the bed.

"Baby, it's not embarrassing, it's sweet...you kept every puck I've ever given you. That's...I love that. C'mere." He tugs you down to the ground, until you're sitting side by the side with him and he can wrap an arm around you. He's warm and smells like the laundry detergent you use, it's calming, reassuring even as you still feel that rush of embarrassment at being found out.

Quinn reaches for a puck he'd put off to the side, it's worn and tarnished, dents from being hit across the ice during warm ups marring it, the logos of Seattle and Vancouver hidden underneath your writing in gold metallic pen.

"See, look, this is the puck I gave you on the day we had our first kiss." You'd written across the front 'Quinn kissed me today!!!!!!!!!' followed by more exclamation marks than was reasonable for anyone to use. You could remember the game clearly, Quinn had asked you to come along, you'd still not quite realised that he was trying to date you and your obliviousness had set a fire underneath him. He'd been so fed up that he'd forgotten what subtlety was. After a hard fought win, he'd rushed towards you in the corridor by the locker room and kissed you in front of half his teammates, all of whom had decided that was a great time to cheer and whistle like they were at a football game. You'd been surprised by it, taken aback, needing a few moments to process before returning the kiss, but you hadn't been unhappy with the sudden turn of events that had you practically unable to form words afterwards.

Quinn's careful as he puts it back before reaching for another puck, rooting around in the box before he pulls out one with the Canuck's orca emblazoned across it. Quinn takes a moment to read it before practically beaming over at you, eyes bright and excited.

"This one is from the game where I took you on the ice after and taught you how to skate," The puck had a creative attempt at drawing yourself and Quinn in ice skates, stick figure form of course, 'Quinn tried to teach me to skate after the game.'

"You mean you tried to teach me how to skate...last I remember I'm still not great..." You tap a nail against the 'tried' in your handwriting and Quinn just grins at you, any lasting embarrassment has started to disappear, and instead you're left with a sense of warmth. That you have all these memories to look back on, moments you might have forgotten about otherwise.

"You're just a work in progress, baby, you can stay upright...most of the time..." You shake your head at him, rolling your eyes as he teases you. It was a well known fact that you were nowhere near as graceful as Quinn was on the ice, having never really ice skated as a child.

You reach into the pile and pick another puck out, a pride night one, reading the caption quickly and very much deciding that this is one Quinn doesn't need to see, "Oh, not, you're not reading this one!"

"Give it here!" You reach away from him, arm as straight as you can get it to hold the puck as far from him as possible. Naturally, it does very little, Quinn and his long arms simply lean over you and pluck the puck from your grip with ridiculous ease.

You groan, pressing your face into his shoulder to hide away from whatever judgement might pass across his face as he reads off the puck, one of the early ones, from before you even realised he wanted you. From the days when you were pining, crushing hard on a man you thought you'd never have.

"Quinn smiled at me during warm ups'...Oh, baby, that's cute," Quinn grasps the nape of your neck in his hand, pulling until you turn to look at him, your cheek still smushed against his shoulder.

"We weren't dating then...and you were always so locked in..." You try to justify it, that back then his smiles were rarer, he was always so focused on the game that a smile was special, that any little interaction felt special because he wasn't yours yet, but it doesn't stop you feeling silly and embarrassed that you'd felt a smile during warm ups was important enough to put on a puck. At the time it had felt like the only thing that mattered, that Quinn had smiled at you, that his focus had been on you.

"I always have a smile for you...even back then, I was always excited when you agreed to come to a game...it made me want to play ten times harder, baby, still does." Quinn can't remember a time when he wasn't excited to see you at a game, to know you were there to support him, even in the early days. If anything the early days were even more exciting, simple because it didn't feel like a given that you'd be there. You weren't his girlfriend back then, you didn't have to be there, he couldn't complain if you weren't. So seeing you had always felt like he'd won a prize because you'd given up your time to watch him play in a freezing cold arena even knowing you'd barely get to talk to him.

"They're silly..." You gesture to the array of pucks, the number feeling ridiculous. How had you managed to collect over 100 pucks? Why had you decided to keep them all?

You stop your self-doubt and wallowing at the feeling of Quinn pressing a kiss to your hair, tugging you into his lap until you're as close as he can get you. Quinn is gentle when he runs his palm from the nape of your neck down to the base of your spine and back again, a soothing rhythm that makes you feel more confident when you look him in the eye.

"They're sweet...this is our entire story in pucks, can't get better than that..." The way he smiles at you is so soft and sweet that you wonder why you were ever scared of him finding them, "Don't stop doing it, baby...Promise me."

"I'll run out of space in my box though..." You look down at the almost full, falling apart cardboard box from one of your deliveries 2 years prior, the corners starting to tear, the free space inside almost non-existent.

"Then I'll get you a bigger box. I want to be 90 years old and have a thousand pucks in a giant box, each with something you thought was special enough to write on it... even if it is..." He picks up a puck squinting at it, "'I made Quinn laugh.' or," Quinn finds another from the pile, "'Quinn said my hair looked pretty', although maybe I need to be setting the bar higher, baby" He teases you, flipping the puck between his fingers with ease.

"I was pining after you, okay, and I wasn't sure you liked me back then!"

"Yeah, I forget, me asking you to come watch me play wasn't clear enough!" Quinn has been adamant for years that it was obvious he was asking you on a date, that you were just oblivious. He was, of course, wrong. Asking someone to come watch them play hockey was not in any way an obvious invite to a date and you refused to take responsibility for the earlier miscommunication which was clearly all his fault.

"It's not clear at all, honey! People ask people to watch them play all the time, it doesn't make it a date!"

"It was so a date!" a date in which you spent near 3 hours in the freezing cold and barely spoke to Quinn...definitely what a date is supposed to be. No wonder he was single for so long when you met him.

"Honestly, I'm starting to think you're lucky I liked you enough to put up with you..."

"...I am lucky...I'm lucky you gave me a chance and that you liked me enough to keep all these pucks and I'm lucky you agreed to move in with me even if you hide pucks in the closet like some weirdo." Quinn grips your hips, squeezing gently, smiling up at you sweetly even as he calls you a weirdo like he's not the one who thought watching him play hockey would be a good first date idea.

"You'll be lucky to sleep in the bed tonight if you keep that up,"

"You'd kick me out of our bed, baby? Really?" Quinn pouts at you as you grin down at him from your perch on his lap, arms wrapping over his shoulders and crossing behind his neck.

"...I'm joking, I can't sleep without your snores." If you could call his barely there noises snores, the lightest of snores, the sort of snores that were almost perfectly rhythmic rather than annoyingly inconsistent. Before Quinn you'd been adamant you couldn't date someone who snored, that it would make it too hard to sleep, now? Now, you genuinely missed them when he was gone. The noise a comforting backing track.

"You should put that on the next puck, 'I can't sleep without Quinn's snores in my ear and his manly arms around me'."

"'Manly arms'?" You pull back from him slightly, brows raised in question and an amused twist to your lips.

"You don't think my arms are manly, baby?" You laugh as Quinn raises one arm, flexing his bicep. You can't even see his muscles underneath his baggy hoodie, too well hidden within his cocoon of comfy cotton and polyester.

"I think you're ridiculous...." You shake your head at him, settling back in against him as he peers down at you with eyes that can only be described as loving, soft around the edges and almost hazy.

"Well, I think I'm in love with you."

You sigh happily as you reach for the box of pucks just behind you. You find a puck you know from sight alone, plucking it from the box and handing it to Quinn in response. You watch him read it, the way his smile turns to a full grin that beams at you like you've given him the moon. When in reality its just a ratty puck that says, 'I think I'm in love with Quinn Hughes'.

[blkkizzat]

PU$$Y GOT MORE M⛧RDERS THAN SHIBUYA.ᐟ 𝐌⛧𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑#𝟏 — 𝐊𝐚𝐦𝐨, 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐨

⛧ 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡: nov 1st, 12:03am ⛧ 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡: cockwarming + dubcon + somnophilia + pussy drunk + creampie + nemuidere!reader  ⛧ 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐬: 1777

𝐧𝐧𝐧 𝐦.𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Haunted by old traumas and abandonment, it’s no surprise that Choso struggles with insomnia. Plagued with nightmares the moment he closes his eyes, Choso would easily spend the entire night awake—if not for you—his ultimate source of comfort.

Therefore, it makes sense why the only way Choso can successfully fall and remain asleep peacefully is when his cock is nestled in the comforting hug of your tight pussy. Your tender sweet cunt could always keep his fears at bay so it’s how he falls asleep most nights.

This is also Choso’s way of protecting you.

Nothing could happen to you, and you couldn't possibly leave him, when his hefty girth is plugged balls deep inside you. He'd sleep all night like that if you'd let him.

Most nights you did too, it was much easier than denying your cute puppy-like boyfriend when he'd start his adorable whimpering.

But tonight happens to be the first night of 'No Nut November'—or it will be in 20 minutes. 

There’d been too many times you’d wake up to the syrupy feeling of an early morning creampie oozing out of your sore pussy. Choso often woke up in the middle of the night regardless and slow fucked you until he fell back asleep.

You needed a break. 

So of course you refuse Choso when he cuddles up behind you in bed to be the big spoon and presses his stiff erection against the crease of your soft ass cheeks. 

Choso in turn, whines like a kicked-puppy into your ear at the reminder of NNN, he hates this stupid bet so much. He doesn't understand why humans participate in this at all and loathes the fact that he let Yuji and Todo goad him into this at the Halloween party earlier that night.

To be honest he didn’t even know what it was about at first, he legit thought you just didn’t eat nuts all month.

But not being able to cum!?

It wasn't just about not fucking you, he wouldn't even be able to jerk it to your angelic face while you slept either!

And for what even—bragging rights?

This was pure madness to Choso as there are no better bragging rights for him than to be able to say his cock was the one that was sheathed in your guts every night. Knowing he couldn't sleep with his cockhead cozying up to your womb for an entire month was driving him mad already.

“Please princess, I need her—one last time!”

Choso’s voice is so pathetic as he whimpers kisses into the back of your neck. It’s a move that usually would have you caving but the effect is greatly dulled by the bags of sand weighing down your eyes. You had to get up for work in the morning and all the hot spiked ciders you had at the party were finally taking their toll. 

“Choooo, *yawns*.... but it’s the first night... you can show a little control *yawns* ….can’t you baby?” But Choso is desperate!

“It’s 11:43pm babe, it’s still Halloween—please!”

Choso’s voice breaks slightly as he gathers you up in his arms, pulling you deeper into a toasty cocoon surrounded by his bare chest and blankets. His embrace is so warm and so comforting it's rapid lulling your sleepy eyes closed, you don't have the will to fight him on it this time either.

“Fine C-Cho, *yawns*...but you better fall asleep in 17 minutes—and set an alarm….you hafta pull out before midnight.”

“Thank you baby! Thank you, thank you!”

Choso continues to groan his gratitude into your skin, pulling your tank top straps down to pepper kisses on your shoulder. The relief he felt on being allowed to slip his cock into you was the only thing he could focus on.

Actually considering if he would even be able to keep his promise was the furthest thing from his mind.

Spoiler alert: He wouldn’t.

Slipping down his pajama bottoms and pushing up your nightie, Choso doesn’t waste time slotting himself inside you. He doesn't even need to prepare you. His hard weepy cock meets little resistance to rest against your cervix as your gooey pussy eagerly accommodates him in your drunkenness.

You're fast asleep but your body is still responsive, constricting around his thick throbbing intrusion.

Credit to Choso, he does try to close his eyes and join you in sleep.

Yet your runny cunt is extra sloppy from all the alcohol and it's not long before she is fluttering around his thick girth. Oh god, your pretty pussy was practically begging Choso to fuck you into the mattress like she didn't give a single fuck about 'NNN'.

Bracing himself, Choso lightly presses his clammy palms into the flesh of your hips trying to keep still—but to no avail.

His sanity is slipping, stripped away by your sloppy wetness. Soon, there's no stopping Choso's the tiny micro thrusts from slowly spearing his length deeper into your core. Choso’s fat bulbous tip is planting soft smooches on your womb and the moist suction of your cunt to constricts around him in turn, pulling him in that much deeper.

A sheen of sweat is already over his body as he looks at the time:

11:48 pm.

Fuck!

Choso needed to cum so badly.

He had to get a nut out before midnight—just one. 

You wouldn’t be upset with him if he did that, right? 

As long as it was before midnight?

You never said he couldn't nut in you, just to pull out before midnight.

Checking to make sure you were still asleep, Choso lightly pushes up your knee. His blunted nails dig into your thigh as he steadily slides his pulsing cock in and out of you with more deliberate strokes. 

It takes a strenuous amount of effort not to groan hotly into your ear and wake you and as a result Choso is chewing his lip near bloody. Any thoughts in his head quickly dissolve as it feels too fucking good to bottom out in your slick silken pussy over and over again.

“...m’sorrrrrry…m’so sorrry!”

Choso whispers apologies for his disobedient cock while he slobbers open mouth kisses down the column of your spine.

God, he wanted to keep his promise to you so bad but it was your tight lil’ cunts’ fault for being so slutty when you drank—even in your sleep.

How was he supposed to fall asleep with your core being so warm and twitchy around him? 

“Ah—ooo shiiit…Choooo…b-baby…”

Your soft sleepy mewls are almost drowned out completely by your lewd pussy talking so loud the room fills with milky squelches. Choso hears them though, his chest pounding from knowledge that he was dicking you down good enough for your sleepy slutty ass to start dreaming about it too.

FuckFuckFuck!

This wasn’t just about his nut anymore. He couldn't allow you to have a bad ending to your dream if he were to just edge you without making you cum!

Choso couldn't possibly let you suffer, not even in your dreams.

Sliding a hand down your hip to fondle through the soaked folds of your cunt, his thrusts become much deeper, shaking the bed with increasing friction as he continues to spoon and fuck you. Choso pants sound like a dogs whimpers as he sucks the skin behind your ear and rubs circles more furiously on your puffy bud. Disonnected from reality Choso is utterly pussydrunk. His madness is spurred on by the messy acoustics of your soggy clit clicking and joining in the with vulgar melodies from you being split open on his cock.

“C-Can’t d-do it! C-Can’t live…w-without ‘er—w-on’t do it! M's'sorry!”

Choso’s incoherent babbles and frantic thrusts weave their way into your dreams, his pathetic whimpering bleeding into your subconscious. His free hand slips down to press firmly against your belly, right where he knows your sweet spot lies in your core. The pressure sends a jolt through your body, your pussy spazzing around his length as a flood of wetness gushes down your thighs, soaking a large spot into the sheets beneath you.

Your legs twitch as your orgasm peaks, the overwhelming pleasure pulling a soft, sensual moan from your lips, even in your slumber.

Already on the edge, Choso's cock soaks in the tremors of your ecstasy, as you continue to cum from his relentless flicking on your clit.

Choso isn't thinking straight when cruelly pinches your swollen bud so hard you contract on him like a vice and he instantly is cumming buckets inside your cunt. The load inside your pretty pussy is so large you would have thought he actually had waited all of November to fuck you if you'd been awake. Not being able to control his moans Choso turns his head into the pillow as he tries to calm himself, his hips never stop rocking into you until every drop of cum is out of him.

Body sweaty and shuddering against yours Choso eventually pulls out of you although reluctantly. Nerves still tingling from his orgasm, Choso bitterly muses that the real torture hadn’t even started yet.

Choso looks at the time, it wasn’t even November yet, it’s only—

12:03 am.

Damn…welp—fuck it then, right?

His thick cock twitching to life again, Choso guides you over now on your belly, sliding a cushy plush pillow under your hips as you sleepily moan from your dreamworld for him 'not to make your pussy lonely again.' 

Well he would certainly remind you of this, in the morning. Sure, it was his fault he fucked up but he surely couldn't keep his pretty princess' pussy empty if that's what she requested of him.

Gripping the base of his cock, Choso buries himself to the hilt once more. He means to ease himself in but momentarily loses control, as strangled cry escapes him and he rams himself back into your guts. Chest heaving, Choso squeezes his eyes shut to hold off cumming so soon again.

The sound and force is enough to make you stir fitfully in your sleep, but Choso is quick to press soft pecks to your forehead to soothe you. “Shhh, princess. I gotchu.” The sleepy reassurances Choso murmurs lulls you back into slumber instantly. Choso takes a moment to admire your angelic face, brow slightly furrowed as you continue to softly hum in sleepy pleasure, before he resumes fucking you.

Yeah, fuck ‘No Nut Novemeber.’

Choso would rather stay inside your sweet pussy for the entire month straight then go a single night without you.

He’d have to apologize to you properly in the morning—perhaps by having you ride his face. blkkizzat ©2023-2024 no ai, reposting, plagiarism or translation allowed.

𝐚/𝐧: next 12/12 6:00 a.m. PST queued otaku!gojo.

Comments and reblogs make my coochie wet tysm !

[nikibogwater]

Actually while I'm thinking about it, I just wanna say that the more live-action remakes Disney shlups out like shoveled manure, the more amazed I am that Cinderella (2015) exists. It breaks literally every standard of Disney's LA remakes.

It's not a shot-for-shot remake of the original 1950 animated film, though it does include small references and homages to it, but only when such things can be incorporated organically into the story.

The creators understood and respected the cross-cultural significance of the Cinderella story. They didn't want to "fix" it, or add some wacky twist to it, they just wanted to make the best possible version of the Quintessential Cinderella that they could.

Everything that could be done practically was done practically. The carriage was a real, the horses pulling it were real, and all of the other animals (with the exception of the mice and lizards, since their performance was a lot more involved than the others') were real living animals, the lizard footman and goose carriage driver were wearing prosthetics instead of just having their animal features added in post, the Fairy Godmother's dress had little LED lights sewn into it so that it would actually glow for real, the ballroom set was built by hand and included real chandeliers with more than 2000 total candles that were all actually lit for the scene, and I could go on but you get the point.

There's a ton of attention paid to little details that make the world feel real and lived in. Ella's shoes are always a little scuffed and dirty. Her farm dress is faded and wrinkled. When she breaks down and runs away to the woods, she rides her horse bareback (which, once again, was a thing Lily James actually did, no stunt-double or editing in post), because not only is that something a country girl like her would know how to do, but it also makes sense that with as upset as she is, she wouldn't want to waste time with saddling the horse. When she's dancing with the prince, it's visually obvious that he is leading her and giving her cues because of course Ella wouldn't know the latest ballroom dances, and would need him to guide her through it.

Hey speaking of dancing, y'know what else this movie does that no other LA remake has been allowed to do (at least not to this extent)? ROMANCE. Land sakes alive, this is one of the most unabashedly and yet still tastefully romantic movies I've ever seen. Ella and Kit are just oozing romantic chemistry from the moment they lock eyes for the first time. It all comes down to the fact that these two characters both have the same core values of courage and kindness, which makes their admiration for each other feel grounded and believable. Richard Madden also really sells Kit's feelings for Ella with the way his eyes go all big and soft whenever he looks at her. And don't even get me started on Lily's performance as Ella. Her quiet awe that someone as powerful as the prince loves her. The timidity and fear that she's not really worthy of that. The selfless determination to protect him from her family's cruelty, even if it means she'll never see him again, I'm just-- *banging my fist against the table and screaming into a pillow*

Absolutely god-tier costume design. No notes, I think Sandy Powell's work speaks for itself. Btw, in case you were somehow still wondering, yes, Ella's ballgown is fully practical--those layers upon layers of dreamy silk skirts are real. CG was only used to brighten up the blue color to make her stand out from the crowd more.

Wicked stepmother was allowed to actually be wicked. The movie never tries to make you sympathize with Lady Tremaine, or shift the blame off to someone else. And her villainy is given an extra layer of depth with the reveal that she is a dark reflection of Ella. They've both lost people they loved, but where Ella refused to let her grief get in the way of kindness, Lady Tremaine became utterly consumed by it. She views the death of her first husband as a sort of twisted justification for pursuing all her worst impulses. She despises Ella for her ability to flourish even while enduring terrible suffering, for being everything Lady Tremaine was either unable or flat-out refused to be.

Also Cate Blanchet absolutely SLAYS in this role. Hands-down my favorite portrayal of the wicked stepmother character.

Anyways, TLDR: Cinderella (2015) is the only Disney live-action remake that can justify its own existence and that's because it actively defies everything the LA remakes are today.

[saduko]

HARD TO MISS

Lando Norris x Driver!Reader 7.9K words

Summary: You had driven sick many times before, but never sick enough to retire from a race. Now Lando was worried about you and how the media was going to react. But maybe this was just about the best thing that could of happened to him. Or in which, reader gets sick during the Spanish GP race and has to face the looming media presence after retiring early with a newfound anger she's never experienced. She was a mess of emotions, acting so different, or maybe it wasn't just her being strange.

Teammates, established relationship, an unexpected surprise?? Note: this unfortunately is a re-upload because my dumbass literally deleted the post the first time I posted it despite it being up for days. Yes I'm mad, and no this isn't edited because of it.

The heat of the Spanish sun beat down on the track, the asphalt shimmering with a relentless intensity that seemed to seep through the cockpit. You gripped the steering wheel tighter, your knuckles whitening as you fought to keep your focus on the race ahead, hot, fast breaths heaving through your helmet like a symphony. The familiar roar of the engine, usually a comforting sound, felt more like a distant hum as yet another wave of nausea rolled through you.

This wasn’t the first time you’d raced under less-than-ideal conditions, but today felt different. The adrenaline that usually sharpened your senses now seemed to amplify the queasiness in your stomach, every bump and turn on the track making it harder to push the discomfort aside. You swallowed hard, trying to suppress the rising bile as you powered through another corner, the car responding to your every command despite the growing turmoil within.

The twisting and turning of the track seemed endless, each lap blurring into the next as your vision narrowed, tunnel-like, around the path ahead. You knew you needed to speak up, to let your team know something was wrong, but the words felt heavy on your tongue, weighted down by the fear of admitting weakness. Finally, you couldn’t hold it in any longer.

"I'm not feeling very well."

The twisting and turning of the track was making it hard for you to settle your stomach enough to find your voice, but when you had, there was a long silence on the other end. Ears alert with anticipation as nothing came through, before the thick accent of your engineer, Marlow finally sounded in with a panicked voice, "Are you feeling faint?"

"Not really.” You huffed. “I feel quite nauseous though. My stomach is not cooperating."

There was a short silence through your head piece before a shuffle was heard on the other side, followed by a concerned, "Should we retire the car?"

The suggestion shakes you and a quick puff of air leaves your mouth in order to hopefully settle the turning in your stomach, though you think it might have translated more as annoyance to your team despite the intention. You couldn't help but hope it hadn't come off too harshly, however the forceful tone of your next words certainly didn’t do much to calm the idea. "No! I'm not retiring the car... No, I'm okay."

"Please love, If you can't finish there's no shame in retiring. You're not letting anyone down, we understand-!" He knew how stubborn you were and he really didn't want the question to feel like the hit to the ego he knew you would take it as, but it was hard when everyone knew this race was what was separating you from top 3 and the rest in the championship. They knew it wouldn't be that easy, quickly corroborated by the frustrated grunt you let sound through the line.

Your foot braces against the accelerator, bearing down full force as you take the straight right after corner 4 at full speed, you weren't retiring. Subjective to your own harsh perception of yourself, retiring - no matter the circumstance - was one of the most culpable failures you could commit. It was never a rewarding feeling, and whether or not to retire from a race like this was an indisputable no. Six years into the sport and you had never retired from a race on your own accord. Today would not be the first.

"I'm okay for now."

There was no arguing with a driver going over 300 kilometers an hour, and so the team let your decision chart as they sat back and kept on with their roles, no different than before. Except for one thing, noting the conversation, they all made undisclosed motions to keep an extra close eye on the driver cam.

And so the race continued as 10 laps went by, 10 very shaky laps with countless immoderate wobbles, a few oversteers around a couple corners and a very close call with Carlos who made quick work of letting the communal radio know how exactly he felt about that, words that were quickly relayed to you. Though his accent was warm, his words were anything but kind and usually you would have taken it on the chin, laughed at his profanities and apologized with a quick witty comment to follow, but your team watched as you only let out a harrowing breath and shook your head. You obviously were not on your A-game and your entire team could see that.

So with all this, it came as no surprise when the silence in their headphones was abruptly interrupted with the blaring sound of your wheels against the track, followed by your voice, quick yet strained, echoing through the radio.

"I think I'm gonna be sick, guys."

With not a moment to spare, Marlows eyebrows furrowed down at your words, worry clear in his voice as he pressed down on the radio button. And though his words were mostly phrased as a question emphasizing the choice as your own, it was still hard to miss the pleading tone in his voice as he spoke loudly into the headpiece, "Are we retiring? It’s your call, love."

Your end of the radio was silent as the words rang through your headset, though not for lack of connection as the sound of your wheels barrelling against the tar never ceased. They knew you were still there, just not vocalizing your thoughts. They had no doubt this was a tough decision. A huge part of this sport was pride; pride in your team, pride in your car, pride in your abilities. And being the only woman on the grid meant your pride was strong and the backlash was inevitably more harsh when things went wrong. 

It was already hard enough for a driver to admit they needed to back out of a race, let alone for a driver who had something to prove and everything to lose. It was a decision they knew you were avoiding complying with. You had been complaining about feeling ill for days leading up to the race and yet insisted on racing regardless. They knew this was important to you, and to back out now, after making it so far already? Your heart was strong, and your head stronger. But for this one time, it seems your stomach was the strongest, and your nausea was taking the reins of this particular race. And so you bit your lip, hoping to keep the bile from rising for just a little while longer. “I need to stop. I’m retiring the car. I can't help it.”

As disappointing as ending a race early was, your team couldn’t deny the shred of relief that washed over them as you, for once, chose your health first. As fun as racing was, and as rewarding as a race in points felt, none of it was ever worth the increased risk to your safety. They would much rather you all woozy up in the medic bay with a DNF, than halfway to unconsciousness with a p8 finish. This certainly wasn’t your best race anyways, probably one the lowest you’d been in points this season. 

As you began your way around your last lap towards the pit lane, your mind raced with all the dreadful thoughts a DNF brought, the pit in your stomach rearing into a sizeable hole which would of left you feeling melancholy if the twisting and turning hadn’t trumped the discontent. 

As each second passed, you could feel whatever it was you had eaten for lunch earlier with Lando rising higher and higher. High enough in fact, that you found it necessary to press the radio button once more with a request. “Have a bag ready for me when I pull up, please.”

To which a compliant, “Copy.” sounded suit.

It wasn’t too much longer until your orange car could be seen sweeping down the pit lane, no hesitation in your steering as you made a harsh turn into your spot by the garage door. The pit team were prepared to make haste in their actions, ready to prop your car onto the jack in order to wheel it into the garage only to be stopped when two quick hands extended up as you braced yourself up against the halo and pulled yourself out of the seat.

At this point, you were hyper aware of the all the people surrounding you, as well as the multitude of cameras pointing directly at you, recording your every move for all the judgeful eyes to see, and yet you found not a single cell in yourself which cared as you leaned over the car and called out for your assistant, who quickly met you with a large black bin in tow. 

You quickly grabbed for it, pulling your front over the side of the car as far as you could in order to hide yourself from the view of the cameras. And out it came, a slurry of lunch which you had been so looking forward to at the time, and quickly regretting now as it all escaped your stomach.

What in the world had you feeling so ill in the first place? It felt like it had been lightyears since you had felt sick enough to actually puke, and god did you not miss this feeling. Had you eaten something bad earlier in the day? Maybe. But everything you ate Lando had eaten too, so wouldn’t he be sick as well? Well, it’s not really like you could ask him, you thought as you looked up just in time to see him overtake George on the big screen. He looks a little busy. And you should be busy too.

The thought seared through your mind as you spat into the bin, you should be racing too, but at least you feel a little better now that it’s come out; though not completely. Your stomach still churned a little and now your throat burned but you guessed it was better than crashing. You had already nearly done that just by being on the track a little too long and now you were definitely going to receive an earful from Sainz when he finally crossed the checkered flag and found you inevitably moping. 

However, you quickly realized that Carlos was actually the least of your worries and the only person you really had to fear was Lando, for when he heard about the outcome of your race, you were sure to face the lecture of your life. He had been warning you for days leading up to it not to participate. You were obviously unwell and he was aware of the dangers an unwell driver faced under the taxing conditions of a race but you were stubborn, insisting you would be fine. Look at you now. Head in a bin with cameras all around and a bruised ego. 

There was only a little time now until the race ended to recover before everyone came pummeling at you with questions. 

The wheel was starting to feel heavy in his hands and the rubbing of the HANS device against his neck was really starting to hurt. They were approaching the end stretch of the race and as the last 15 laps commenced, Lando couldn’t help but feel a little relieved knowing this would be over soon. This was undoubtedly a tough race. 

From lights out till now, he’d managed to pull from P5 to P4 and had every intention of passing Lewis for a podium position, soon enough he’d be in DRS range but for the time being, he was focused on catching up. The world around him had become mute, he hadn’t even looked up at the grand screen once, all he knew was the car.

So he had almost jumped in his seat when the chime sounded. Just as he began slowing around the final corner leading up to the line for his next lap, the sound of an incoming radio signal had his ears perking in anticipation. Were they planning on pitting him again? Sure he was definitely pushing a little too hard against his tires- not really doing his best at conserving them but he was so close to a podium position and he just needed a little bit more force-

“Lando mate,” Will’s voice sounded through his ears, his tone a little hesitant which left Lando biting his lip with anticipation. Please don't box. “I’ve just been informed by Marlow that y/n has retired.”

Lando's heart nearly fell into his stomach as the words registered in his brain. You retired?! Now thinking about it, you did start only a single position behind him and he hadn’t really seen all that much of you during the race. What happened? “Did she crash?!”

“No Lando, she's okay, it was voluntary. She wasn’t feeling well, I don’t think.” 

“You don’t think?”

“She’s okay Lando, just under the weather.”

Not feeling well? Under the weather? You’d raced a multitude of times before whilst under the weather. Each time he’d advise you not to race, and each time you’d ignore him, swearing up and down you’d be fine- and to Lando’s consolation each time you were fine. You’d come out the other side with a smile, no qualms or grievances and you would save your complaints for him afterwards, when no one else was around to judge. As you had done before, he expected the same this time. You’d never let a little ailment set you back, especially not let it affect you enough to retire. Not unless it really was bad.

Lando’s thoughts were soon interrupted by Will’s voice once more, his tone dismissive, implying the conversation had reached its end and no more discussion would be had about it. “We will contact you again if anything happens.”

And despite Lando’s dismay, he complies. There were still a good 15 laps left of the race ahead and he had a lot of catching up to do, a lot of competitive driving to be had. His focus couldn’t be elsewhere, but what was he supposed to do knowing his sick fiancé has just pulled herself out of a race? What was he supposed to do when he knew you well enough to understand how prideful you could be, and how poor you had to feel to choose to retire?  

He really tries to not let it bother him. During the next lap, he tries to not let it bother him as he forces himself to look anywhere else but the jumbo screen in hopes of a possible update on your condition. He tries to not let it bother him in the lap after that as the team radios in to discuss possible strategies regarding the oncoming overtake he will perform, and he tries to not let it bother him during the lap after that one when he finally passes Lewis. Now 3 laps have passed but he just can't get the questions about you off his mind. It is bothering him. He shouldn’t be distracted, especially while he’s in a podium position but he can’t help it. 

So as he crosses onto the next straight, he finds himself radioing in with the question that had been eating away at him since the news broke. “Uh.. Any updates on y/n? Is she alright?”

There's a considerable moment of silence on Mclaren’s end of the line, the team were honestly tied on what to tell the man and what not to. You weren’t exactly in optimal condition, and word around was slightly worrisome regarding your state. You were okay, but definitely not well, they knew because they had caught the treacherous sounds of your gags a few more times since the first echoing through the mclaren garage. 

As your fiance, he deserved to know these details, but as a driver, they knew it wasn’t smart to worry him. What were they to say as to not stress him out in an already extremely stressful situation? They could tell him a few of your team members were discussing taking you to the hospital. Or they could keep him from driving the car through the wall in order to meet you there. The decision was clear, they needed him to focus on driving. “She’s okay, she's currently being looked at by the medical team.”

“She has the medical team on her?!” Will’s eyes shut hard as Lando’s reply came through. Definitely not the right choice of words.

“Just a precaution Lando, she isn’t well at the moment.”

Lando’s bottom lip catches between his teeth as he ponders his engineer's words. He finds himself over analyzing every syllable, every infliction with intentions of unpacking whatever truth was seeping between the lines, and he notices that he’s biting his cheek as he rounds the 8th corner with a little less precision than usual. “Is she bad?”

Landos team take quick note of this change in pace, latching onto the clear oversteer he performs around the corner. They quickly find themselves trying to pull away from the topic in order to keep him both figuratively and literally on track and so Will concludes the conversation with a stern tone. “Please Lando, you can see her when you're done racing. We need you to focus on the race.”

He almost wanted to curse the man out purely due to frustration despite knowing deep down that he was right. But what else was he supposed to do when he knows his fiancé is sitting in the medic bay and all he can do to support her is… well, nothing. He just has to finish this race.

Despite your protests, your team was adamant on a visit to the med bay in order to possibly come up with a reason for your sudden onset of race ending symptoms, and after a quick trip down the hall that took a little longer than usual due to your need to stop once more, you were simply told there wasn’t much they could do long term to crack the bilous case. Shocker. They did however hand you something to ease the nausea which you were beyond thankful for.

You had spent so long counting down the seconds until the anti-nausea medication kicked in that you hadn't even noticed that the race had ended, nor did you notice the approaching sound of hasteful footsteps until the door to your driver's room came barrelling open with a thud.

“I told you not to race.” Lando’s voice was so stern it had you stiff. There was a slight indication of anger lingering behind his words but ultimately his face was a dead giveaway to the worried intention etched behind his tone. 

“I thought I’d be okay.”

“You threw up?” His eyebrows came down as he said it, and you noticed it was less of a question and more as if he was trying to confirm a suspicion. Someone from your team must have snitched on you already. No damn loyalties.

“Only a little.” Your words were sheepish.

“You stink.” He deadpanned and you found yourself scoffing, slightly exasperated at the bluntness of his words. The statement had you petty with offense. 

“You don’t smell very good either-”

“-I don’t smell like vomit.”

Finally you let out a sigh, already tired of the back and forth over something so menial, and unworthy of an argument. You were sick. Shit happens. “Lando, I wasn’t feeling well and I’d been feeling it all week with no real problem so I didn’t think there would be a reason to sit this race out. I didn’t think I would actually need to pull over. It’s done now.”

There was a loud silence between the two of you as he onced over your body with intentful eyes. You seemed okay enough and he guessed this really wasn’t the time or place to start an argument, especially over something as stupid as him being worried about you, you were on the same damn side. So instead he just sighed, bit his lip and nodded at you. “Alright.”

“Guys.” Charlotte suddenly peaked her head through the cracked door to glance at you both. “Come on, we need you at Media now.”

This wasn’t going to be easy, that you knew. The media had given you a hard time for things way less than this so you could only imagine what they had in store for you after throwing up on live TV for half the world to see moments after a voluntary DNF. It just about felt like you were being led to your execution with the way you knew they were about to tear into you. But there was no avoiding this, and the grimaced look etched into your features left Lando very aware of this fact.

“I know you don’t wanna do this but you have to go out there, you’ve got no choice. Not unless you’re willing to cop a fat fine.”

You stuck an eyebrow up at Landos voice, the sides of your lips extending out as you conceptualized his words but your expression quickly had him shaking his head alongside a hearty laugh. “No, no. Don’t even look like you’re considering it.”

Your laugh to match his own soon sounded throughout the room, and his hand swiftly found its place at the nape of your neck, to which he gave a quick squeeze and began leading you out the door into the McLaren garage hallway. “We have a wedding to plan and that means a lot of money to spend. You will not be wasting money trying to get out of media duties.” You couldn’t help but chuckle at how exasperated and sarcastic he sounded.

You both found yourselves trailing along Charlotte's path until the hallway quickly opened up into a large room where a few other drivers had already begun their own separate interviews towards the camera crews which littered every corner. The media pen; may as well be your death site.

Whilst waiting for the race to end; and for the nausea to subside, Charlotte had given you a rundown - more like a lecture; regarding what to expect and how to approach the inevitably condescending questions that would soon be thrown your way. 

This was going to be brutal, you knew that. You had finally made a mistake that the male media could exploit to reinforce their stereotypes about damned women in motorsports. Just another day facing the misogyny of the position, except this time, it was your own carelessness that put you in this position. The only damned thing you’d be was a damned liar if you said the upcoming articles tearing into you weren’t already gnawing at your mind. You could just picture it;

‘’Mclaren Princess’ Just Might Throw Her Way Up and Out of Competitive Driving,’

‘Speed Queen’s Weak Stomach Shows Why She’s Better Suited for Other Races,’

‘Too Glamorous For The F1 Track? or Maybe Not Glamorous Enough; - maybe we should leave the fast cars to the men that made them.’ 

This might just be worse than the ‘Revving Engines, not Emotions,’ article from last year when you teared up in Australia after what was the most frustrating race of your career. This was going to be horrible. 

Your actions were always hyper-criticized, but maybe just once you were being too imaginative for your own good. You needed to calm down because words tended to stick with you. A fact that Charlotte knew all too well, because she was sure to speak words she knew would ring through your ears during those interviews; Take it on the chin, stay composed and certainly don't be snappy. One of those was doable.

The moment you passed the threshold beyond the doorway, officially crossing into the media pen, it's as if every set of eyes and every lens of a camera had turned to watch you move. The room hadn’t by any means gone quiet, but there was definitely a shift in volume as the noise settled from a near unbearable buzz to a tolerable chatter, just enough to notice the change. The influx of attention almost had you doubling over once again, especially when you felt the nausea begin to slowly creep up for the second time that day. But you made notable efforts to keep your head high, hoping that a strong demeanor would at least soften the blow which would soon be dealt.

Lando’s arm had split from your neck not long after entering the room. You guys were always light on your PDA, trying to keep as much of your personal relationship as private as possible; as private as an already public relationship could possibly be. But he still managed to give you a small, reassuring squeeze on the hip before you both set off, being led in opposite directions.

A flurry of reporter eyes seemed to trail your path as your personal PR manager led you to a spot right in between Carlos and Charles, and as you started setting yourself up, you unavoidably overheard their journalists trying to wrap up their interviews, which you could only imagine would be to get a shot at you faster. 

However unluckily for those journalists, it seems your first adversary had already taken the stand just directly across from you with a large, heavy mic and aged, gleaming eyes; eyes that had your own widening in alarm. You were quite familiar with this journalist, very familiar with him actually as he had always been quick to criticize you and your skills on many occasions in the past. He was quite ill-mannered towards you, definitely holding a target out with a gun aimed directly for your career, making it clear he was disapproving of your presence as a woman on this grid. You just knew he had been waiting for you. This was going to be hell.

The journalist quickly began setting himself up, the cameraman behind him pointing the lens directly at your sour face, which you admittedly were not doing a great job at masking. Though, if your interviewer had noticed, he thankfully hadn’t commented on it. However that didn’t stop him from wasting any time beginning to comment on the other mistakes you had made today.

“Always a pleasure to speak with you, Speed Queen.” His gravelly voice spat. “Though I think ‘Pit Princess’ may be a little more fitting after today's race.” A sly smirk quickly spread across his mouth, an act that had your hands bracing against the railing separating the two of you from one another. Charles had quickly taken notice of this from his position just beside you. He admittedly felt he was doing quite well at remaining professional and ignoring the exchange between you and the infamous journalist, but now he was on high alert, ears perked in your direction with the intention of intervening at any given moment.

Despite your peeved sentiment, you did well at keeping your face straight and head high at the insult, feeling it necessary to not crack in front of the person trying to get a reaction out of you. Don’t prove his point. 

“I appreciate the creativity, but I think I would prefer to focus on the race itself rather than nicknames. I’m quite happy with the one I have.” There was a moment in which he tried to intervene, however you were determined to move past the subject. “-And, you know, today’s challenges were significant, but that’s a part of the sport, I guess.” Despite the lingering nausea, you still managed to force a professional smile.

“Is it?” He curled an eyebrow condescendingly, a look which nearly had a scowl slipping past your placid facade. But instead you held strong, that sickeningly sweet smile dripping like honey with disdain. “Part of the sport is the unpredictability of it. So I’d say so.”

The man's eyes gleamed on, a small hum escaping his lips as he nodded absently. “It’s just that no other driver seems to have this issue. Do you think maybe your choice to retire has to do with particular limitations a female might have that the men in this sport don’t?”

And as expected, the indirectness wasn’t so indirect anymore, the true misogynistic intentions of his words slowly crept out with ferocity. 

“No.” Your tone was final, like it hadn’t ever crossed your mind, because it really hadn’t. “No I really don’t. Many men before me have gotten sick during races, I guess I just preferred to voluntarily take myself out of the race than spend the rest of it wiping pesto off my visor.” You snarled. 

A small tap against your arm quickly alerted you to the contention of your PR manager, a disapproving gesture silently advising you to reel it in. But god was it hard when his face was so smug. She should understand that being passive aggressive was much more admissible than being violent, so she may as well let you get your anger out in the socially acceptable way, though you admit it was strange of you to feel so angry. You were usually better at keeping your emotions in check. Hm. But alas, you complied, correcting your face and letting him speak; even if you wanted so badly to interrupt him with your thoughts of how horrible a journalist he was. 

“Well, I think a lot of people agree when I say that this sport tends to reward determination and resilience, not quitting.”

Were you hearing this correctly? Was he really implying that you should have thrown up right into your helmet and just continued through the race like nothing? It was getting really hard to remain socially acceptable. What was this new found anger? “Racing may sometimes reward resilience, however, being sharp minded is more important sometimes. I noticed I was unwell enough for it to affect my performance, so I decided it was smarter to take myself out of the race. Especially after nearly taking Carlos out of the race too.” 

Just as you finished answering the (absurd) question, a suave laugh sounded to your left as Carlos suddenly stepped up beside you, sliding his arm across your shoulder. “I did have some choice words prepared for you earlier Mija, but then I learnt what happened and now I forgive you.” His eyes suddenly turned to the journalist, a glint of exaggerated pity in relation to the topic seeping into his expression, almost as if he was speaking with experience to someone who wouldn’t understand; because he was. “Driving whilst sick is not for the weak.”

The journalist's cold eyes squinted slightly as Carlos’ condescending tone registered in his head, yet he kept his expression neutral and mic high as he nodded. “I’m sure it isn’t.” And nothing was said after that. No rebuttal, no argumentative comment, just a plea of agreement. God, how you wished interviews were that easy for you.

A few voices echoing out from somewhere behind had caught the attention of the trio, and it didn’t take long for you to realize it was Carlos’ team instructing him to move onwards to his next position. So with a reassuring smile towards you and a quick quirk of a brow towards the reporter, he was off to his next interview without another word, taking your fleeting moment of security along with him as he left.

Now it was just you and the reporter once more, and you could tell he wasn’t feeling as cordial with you as he was with Carlos, evident by the slight snarl that had crept onto his face by the interruption in your defense. “Friendly words from Sainz there, as always.” he began, his tone dripping with insincerity, “Do you find it degrading that other drivers always have to come to your defense in order to keep your positive reputation, because there are a lot of people that believe you perhaps, ride off the success of others.” 

Your stomach twisted, and if it was from the nausea growing once again or from the sheer audacity of his words, you couldn’t tell. He was essentially implying that the only reason people liked you was because other likable people vouched for you, and not because of your own hard work and valiant achievements. It seems he wanted defense, you were about to show him just how defensive you could be. 

“With all due respect,” you began, voice calm but carrying an unmistakable edge, “I don’t defend myself because I don’t have to, because the genuinity of my character extends far past my words.” you paused, thinking about your next words carefully. “My peers defend me because I’ve proven my capabilities time and time again, and they know that one incident doesn’t define my career. However, I don’t think you share the same sentiment, hm?” 

The taunting in your voice was quickly caught on by your PR manager who swiftly grabbed your arm in yet another warning, except this time you couldn’t find it in yourself to care as much. The journalist's eyes narrowed at your words, clearly not expecting such a discourteous response and the tugging of your PR manager's grip against your arm was an obvious nonverbal message to wrap it up but you weren't finished, oh no. That new found anger that had been gnawing at you all race was just beginning to trickle out.

“‘Riding off the success of others.’” Your quoted, voice riddled with humor, “And yet you somehow manage to find me every post race interview. Do you write these question’s down in your little notebook while you watch my multi-race winning car fly past you? Or do you wipe the dust from the camera lens instead?”

He quickly opened his mouth to retort, but before he could, your PR manager intervened, her grip on your arm tightening slightly as she stepped forward. “This interview is over,” she announced firmly, her voice leaving no room for argument. “McLaren will be utalizing the next few days to help Y/n recover for next week's race. If you have any further questions, you can direct them to our media office.”

Your eyes widened in shock at the intervention. You had overstepped your media training a few times before and yet none had ever led to the end of the interview. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little surprised at your PR manager's swift movements as she tugged you back and away from the journalist. “Let’s move on.” Her voice was disapproving but she was obviously trying to remain calm and professional, understanding there was a job to be done. But your anger wasn’t discriminatory, everyone was a potential outlet, and you weren’t having this. “No, I’m finished.” You didn’t even want to participate in media in the first place, this was obligatory. You had done your part and now you were taking charge of the rest of your night. And so you pulled your arm back and made quick haste towards the exit, leading back to your driver room. 

You were only a few meters from the door now, acutely aware of all the eyes watching you retire early from yet another obligation today, when a hand grazing the small of your back pulled you away from the tormenting feeling of the bile rising once again. This time, it was Charles, his sweet face beaming a reassuring smile at you as he began walking in stride towards the exit alongside you. “Mon cheri, that was something else.” 

You couldn’t help but scoff at his words, nausea bubbling once again, expecting yet another lecture from someone else. “If by ‘something else’ you mean a complete disaster, then yeah, I guess.”

Charles kept his tone steady, a touch of amusement in his voice as you both walked in stride. “No, I mean you handled it with a lot of, uhh.. What is the English? Poise.” 

You gave him a skeptical look. “Thanks, but it didn’t feel like handling things with poise, It felt like I was about to lose it.” 

His smile slipped into a small laugh before it fell,  and his bright eyes quickly turned into one’s of worry as he began a once over of your body. “Are you feeling okay?” he began the inevitable conversation. “I’m okay, it’ll pass I'm sure.”

Charles’ brows furrowed down, thick accent sounding with worry as he spoke. “You shouldn’t count on it passing, you should take care of yourself. You’re only gonna have more shit thrown at you if you don’t-”

As sweet as his concern was, you were tired of this conversation today, it was becoming tedious to hear and you really just needed to lie down or something. “-Charles, I really appreciate it and I'll be sure to visit the doctor tomorrow, but I think I’m gonna be sick again, so how about you cover me up to the hallway before I end up in another fight with a reporter, or my head in another bin on TV.”

Your words had Charles’s eyes widening, quickly glancing around from side to side in search of his target who was finishing up from an interview of his own, when your hand came up to press against your mouth, skin turning a tinge green. “Lando!”

The video shook a little as the person on the other end fidgeted with the camera, a slight blur shifting the image and the audio cracking with the movement before the frame finally straightened up. The person took a step back. It was you, which wasn’t all that surprising considering the video had been uploaded onto your own instagram, but it was the first anyone had really heard of you in weeks. 

Ever since your race ending ailment back in Spain, you had essentially gone radio silent. Not posting, not participating in interviews; you had missed 2 more races since then. It was worrisome, especially considering you had assured everyone the day after Spain that you were working on getting better for next week's race, which you never showed up to. 

The races went on and the fans asked about you, the interviewers asked about you too, but it seemed everyone involved in the FIA had no comment on your whereabouts nor your condition. The drivers dodged post interview questions, excelling on to new subjects and only had quick fleeting comments in response to concerned fans around the paddock who were only trying to make sense of it all.

Lando copped the brunt end of it though, scoring a P2 podium in Canada that everyone could more obviously care less about in his post-race interviews. The only topic mentioned was you, your absence from the race and why everyone was so hush-hush about it in the first place. The interviews were so off topic that this time it was Lando who had to leave the media pen early to avoid the questions, though opposingly, McLaren had been the ones to encourage his swift exit.

It was starting to become an issue. People were fretful. Were you still sick? Was it something more serious than you had anticipated and now you couldn’t race anymore?

The view they were looking at suggested that perhaps they were about to find out. 

You retreated away from the camera propped up against what people could only speculate had to be your dressing table, as you found your spot upon the large, luxurious bed the camera was pointing towards. Now cross legged upon it, your body clad in a 2 piece short silky pajama set, finally you began to speak. 

“Hello everyone.” You didn’t sound unwell, not stressed or upset. In fact, there was an edge to your voice that almost seemed cheerful; excited. And yet for now you remained composed, nothing but a small, media trained smile dawning your otherwise expressionless face.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” The sentence was humorous, calling attention to the silence you had afflicted, and the lack of news upon your whereabouts. “Lando and I are finally home in Monaco for summer break, though I have to admit that I’ve actually been in Monaco for a few weeks now. I think some of you might feel that was a bit obvious given my absence.”

There was a high pitched chuckle off screen, it obviously being Lando out of frame as your eyes flickered over to the side with a playful yet mischievous smile, encouraging his reaction with your expression. It was a fleeting moment as your smile once again fell into something a little more vacant before straightening up and continuing. “I know a lot of people have questions, and I do want to apologize for the lack of communication on my end, I’ll explain, I promise but first I also want to say please don’t be mad at any of the other drivers for not speaking out, they were all just respecting my wishes in not saying anything until I was ready.”

There was a small pause as you took a breath, no sound emitting except for the slight breeze wafting through the room, further exemplified by the sway of the sheer curtains. This was so nerve racking, were you about to announce your departure from motorsport? Were you about to reveal a sickness you weren't aware of until now? The silence, though short lived, was deafening. 

“I-” Finally you spoke, but quickly caught it with a bite to your lower lip. It really seemed like you were processing your words, debating how to present your next statement carefully enough. “How do I-?”

Once again your gaze drifted off to the side of the screen, confused and cautious eyes quickly averting into a bright smile before a laugh escaped your mouth. “Don’t look so excited!” 

Lando, obviously beaming, clear by the tone of his voice, cheerfully yelled back, “Do you want me to say it?!”

“No!” you rebutted quickly with a laugh, “I told you I wanted to be the one to announce it, stop trying to take my shine!”

“Then go on with it!” He was so obviously really excited, impatient to finally announce whatever it was that had him so elevated.

“Okay well-” You stuttered for a moment, quickly catching yourself before continuing. “As many of you saw in Spain, I wasn’t feeling too well,-”

“-Hard to miss-.” Landos voice mumbled, a comment in which you swiftly ignored.  

“-And I hadn’t been for a few days leading up to it but I just took it as a stomach bug and planned to go on with it like usual. What I didn’t plan for however, was the doctor's visit I was forced to go to the day after.”

Your eyes glared off to the side once again, feigning annoyance but evidently not actually upset before looking back at the camera with a smile. “The good news is that we are very much aware of what was making me sick.” Your voice was reassuring, eyes slowly beginning to light up as you continued on. “The bad news is that I unfortunately will not be participating in the rest of the 2024 season, or the 2025 one for that matter.”

It was like you could feel the impending shock of everyone watching radiating through the screen despite it being pre recorded because your pause was almost comically dramatic. And yet it was so wholly conflicting, because regardless of the awful news, you didn’t really seem all that upset despite being such a passionate racer, it felt so out of character. This confusion was only exemplified further when your eyes once again drifted to the left, a large smile engulfing your features as you took notice of what had to be Lando's excited expression once more. “Oh don’t look so happy, you’re the one who still gets to race!”

“I’m sorry!” He laughed that high pitched laugh he does when he just can’t hold it back.

Your eyes flickered back to the camera, sitting straight on with a patient yet humorous smile, a single eyebrow cocked as you waited for Landos laughter to simmer. It took a moment, a moment you thought ended a time or two before he began again, but eventually the room became still again as your face grew just a little more in adoration towards the man everyone could see you loved dearly. It was like the energy had shifted just a little, from what felt so playful before, to something a little more familial and warm. 

“I think some of you may have put the pieces together, but for those who haven’t. Well… I’m pregnant!” Your smile was so big and sheepish, so conscious and just a little shy, it almost felt as if you were announcing it to a friend of many years and it was all just so heartwarming. You were okay! More than that, you were happy, and soon everyone else who would watch this video would be too. Lando's happy laugh from beyond the camera at the announcement finally being made was more than enough to express just how joyous the news was for the two of you.

“As heartbreaking as it will be to not be able to competitively race in the upcoming seasons, I’m not actually that sad about having to step down for a little.” You laughed heartily. “I proudly announce that in my place, the very talented Australian driver Oscar Piastri will be filling my position until I'm off from… maternity leave? I guess. That's a first for this sport.”  You laughed.  “But of course they just had to find the best to replace the best.” You quickly glanced over towards Lando out of frame, clearly expecting an agreement that never came. They could only imagine the disapproving look Lando was sending you.

Your expression never changed, but your tone dropped as you spoke darkly. “I’m carrying your child.” You spat, to which a loud “But of course!” sounded in response, followed by a laugh from the both of you.

“Don’t worry, you’ll still be seeing me around the track a lot considering this muppet,” you pointed to your left, “still gets to race.”

“Don’t be jealous,” the soft voice came from off screen. 

“No, I’ll confidently admit it, I’m so jealous.” You pouted, but the warmth in your eyes belied the playful tone in your voice.

Lando’s hand appeared in the frame for a brief moment, gently squeezing your shoulder before disappearing off-camera again. “We’ll be back out there together soon enough.”

You nodded, your smile returning as you glanced back at the camera, feeling a surge of excitement for what was to come. “In the meantime, I’m looking forward to supporting the team from a different angle. It’s going to be a new experience, but I’m excited to do this as…”

“-As a mother?” Lando finished with a knowing smirk.

“As a mother.” You laughed, a loud one from Lando soon sounded to match your own, one so joyous it left you beaming. Suddenly, Lando jolted in frame, clearly excited as he leaned over the bed to tackle you from your sitting position down into a hug, leaving you both falling back onto the sheets. “Oh my god Lando!” You shout, a hand quickly moving to shield your lower stomach. “God! Nevermind guys, I think Lando just tackled the baby out of me, guess I’ll be seeing you all from my McLaren in Austria.”

“Oh!” Lando gasped. “Not funny!”