#but that would alter a lot so idk
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maybe I should try writing f/f 🤷
what if i was very literally doomed by the narrative itself and you used your bloody hands to bend the foundation of reality and change my fate. and we were both girls.
#tom riddle#fem tom riddle#would be so lethal#would say#fem percy weasley#but that would alter a lot so idk
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In spite of everything,
#fgo#fate grand order#fgo bhima#bhima#arjuna alter#junao#ttls gallery#just doodles?#im sorry for the messy sketches but tbh i give up on lining this#so im just leaving this as it is#augh its 4am why would i do this to myself- 😭 okay i just. i just LOVE them a lot#i was still a bit 'itchy' over bhima's voiceline for junao. i rly wanna imagine that it was hinting that bhima went in to hug junao#IDK HE NEEDS HUGS lots of it both arjunas need lots of it and bhima has big arms big build- like. do you get me? (deranged)#ok time to sleep
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this is how i imagine one of Mikoto's alters fronting for the first time around people (classmates, coworkers, whoever) playing out
#rambles#Milgram#Mikoto#(except itd stop at ''boku'')#tbh if we're trying to be ~realistic~ here. their system would prob be more than just Mikoto Orekoto and Greenkoto (idk what ppl call him)#like i aint never met another system that only consisted of 3 alters (who hadnt purposefully been working towards fusion)#that would be a lot to have to write and sort out though so i dont blame yamanaka and deco at all for keeping it at 3. hey better than 2!#(assuming trikoto theory is correct)#so this ''post'' is not about any of the 3. but the secret fourth/fifth/sixth/etc alter#idk i just think pronoun misuses would be funny in this context#alter trying to imitate Mikoto as best as they can then BAM ''watashi''/''ore''/''[insert any of the dozen pronouns]''#do you see my vision
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There is a very exquisite agony in playing a game you love so so so so so much, and realizing that one of the other players is trying to play a totally different game than you.
#hush frenchy#we went to the coffin shop today in vallaki#and our rogue triggered combat SIMPLY because he didn't want to leave the house without looting every single room#to clarify: WE HAD ACHIEVED OUR OBJECTIVE#we literally just needed to get out#but the rogue's player was like cmoooon its no fun to leave without looting everything we can get our hands on#now everything we're doing has gone to absolute shit#and to clarify: its going to be very interesting!!#and I feel like I would've been just fine with the result#IF it had been for any other reason besides that this one player seems to think that we're in a video game#like if there had been some kind of character motivation? or genuine concern that we were missing a piece of something we were looking for?#totally fine!! love that in fact!!#but just stealing shit because 'you're the rogue' feels... idk.#it just feels like it's a totally different game than the rest of us are playing#and now we ALL have to deal with the consequences#i just. urgh. i do not know what to do#i am gonna talk to the dm and see if she noticed the same thing as me#and try to brainstorm we the players can do to impart a sense of balance for people with different play styles#but i just feel like despite repeated efforts by the dm to be like hey this is a game for exploration and character engagement#the player is just ignoring that and doing Whatever He Feels Like#ANYWAY SORRY RANT OVER#I'm just really in love with this game and having one really thorny part is just HNG#positive note: the wizard whipped out alter self and thought he was the coolest guy in the whole world#despite repeatedly missing in combat#it was very cute and i wish Wyn wasn't absolutely certain that she was about to die#because she would absolutely stroke his ego about it simply to see him preen#the fighter was also very sweet and keeps working so hard to protect wyn#and since I'm a fighter in my other game i know where to put myself to make it easier for him so there's a lot of synergy#IT'S JUST VERY CUTE AND NICE AND GOOD. I LOVE THEM BOTH A LOT
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Honestly why do the ninja still bother with putting their hoods on when they've compromised their identity since s1. They're not protecting shit 💀💀💀
#ninjago#lego ninjago#chel babbles#doxxed themselves on day 1 on the job#they are into the fame as heroes#im actually shocked they only deal wih rabid fangirls and some defamation#but its pretty interesting since this is the only show ive seen never do that secret identity stuff#then again a lot of people still treat them like human beings and not like celebrities so they PROBABLY have face alters#or something idk i just think its dumb they would be left in a city unaccompanied
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Everybody wake up new generator just dropped
https://perchance.org/clovers-clan-gen
Warrior cat clan generator!!! Yippee!!! This generator features:
Over 300 prefixes for your cats and clan
Over 100 suffixes for your cats
1-30 warriors for your clan, not counting the leader, deputy, medic, and any apprentices
Your leader’s and all your apprentices’ warrior names
A 50/50 for every cat to have an apprentice
Coat and eye colors, patterns, and scar counts (between 0 and 15) for every cat, including apprentices
A biome your clan’s territory is in
Details (names, colors/patterns/scar counts, biome) bolded for convenience
Update 20/1/2023: bolded the number of warriors in your clan, added up to 5 queens with 0-7 kits each, added up to 10 elders
#counted how many canon* prefixes/suffixes there are for this#theres a lot. also that * um i altered a few prefixes (bubbling -> bubble#etc) and took out star- and ex-kittypet prefixes like bella- and riley-#also added bat- because batear is canon to me#364 prefixes and 116 suffixes#well 119 technically cause the gen doesnt inclue -star -paw or -kit cause. warrior named havenkit would be weird#actually 120 because i forgot i also took out -spirit for my generators#haven did stay btw! havenpelt just kinda spawned so i figured leave it in for fun#i might consider tossing in some kittypet names at some point but idk. id want to make them separate from clan prefixes to give them#different odds but i had to type out every single cat individually it would be so much work.....#also i want to go back and bold the warrior counts but. again thats tracking down and bolding 30 numbers in one long massive single line of#text. cause you cant make it multiple lines on perchance#edit i did that lmao#zoracontent#clovers generators#<- that tag never pops up in the used tags so i always think its wrong lmao#warrior cats#warrior cats generator#warriors#warriors generator#wc#wc generator#warrior cats clan#warriors clan#wc clan#wc oc clan#warriors oc clan#warrior cats oc clan#<- not trying to be obnoxious just trying to get this to the people who would use it#clan generator
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Today, Beck's been saying that I ruined everything, I was supposed to be the happy one. Friday and him both say the at I ruin things pretty frequently but this one hurts a bit. He's saying it in context to one of the collective delusions, but my brain just keeps applying it to everything. I just feel like that happens a lot. I'm supposed to be the happy one, I'm supposed to be the happiest in the room. Not like, in the moment but in a general sense. I feel like I've failed people by having trauma. Friday calls me a ruiner all the time. I ruin people and places and ideas and things. I ruin the vibes. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be like anything. I'm gonna sit in the sun tomorrow and see if that helps. I love having emo songs Bob as my pfp. Light of my life in moments like this fr. It's just funny being all depressed and then seeing my pfp pic and reading it in his voice. Good stuff.
#I also want to start dreaming scene.... which I've wanted to do since i was like 12#probably more emo then hard scene but i feel like i don't listen to enough emo music to actually be able to claim the subculture#but im all talk. dressing like that takes money and time. i dont even know how much i get paid at my new job yet and im so sleepy tired#all the time#i feel like im really close to being on the right track but i keep getting thrown off right before i get on#i feel like a squished piece of fruit on the floor#i wish i would shut up tbh#friday broke up with autumn and henery. and idk why but im kinda feeling the pain from that more than either of them are#hes begging super distant now :( we used to talk a lot#he's so I'm consistent though I'm sure it will be back to normal soon#all the above mentioned are alters in our system lol
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//zeus week day 6 - offering
to offer one's body and soul - is that not the highest form of loyalty?
#not mcl#mia draws#zeus week 2023#hello. :) totally normal art piece going on here.#you THOUGHT that this would be a normal 'oh hehe offering him a gift or a kiss!' NO. NOT HERE.#there has to be angst SOMEWHERE and tbh this is the best way i could put it in :)#also i got new glasses today so my eyes are Adjusting(tm) so euhfkjhkdjhf trying to not draw completely out of my own style#but sometimes you have to break style for facial expressions#idk i like this one a lot. i think i cooked real fucking hard on the past three specifically.#yeah fuck it i'm gonna put this in#zeusro#because i can. why the fuck not. as a treat for me to come back to.#hhhhehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehheehehehehehe#hiro's route permanently altered my brain chemistry and i'll never forgive solmare for that. like HELLO?#can we talk about how hiro. going up to this point in his route was like 'pshhh this will be easy i'm not afraid of anything'#and then zeus gets put in a fucking coma because he protects him.#which IMPLIES THAT HIRO'S BIGGEST FEAR IS LOSING ZEUS. HELLO.#i'm so mad they never gave us that poly ending. the world would heal if they did.#wizardess heart#tumblr put my art in the tags challenge
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genuinely the only thing keeping me sane right now through my severe chronic pains is remembering that alter wouldn't think my condition is gross
#or if she would? she wouldnt care#like doesnt even have to be a romantic thing you know#anyway. apparently my case is so severe that idk if the doctors in my city are even qualified/skilled enough to treat it#so i have to call the nurses again tomorrow to let me speak to a doctor about my condition#this is just me rambling to my 3 followers hello everyone i love you#i dont know i just need something to think about#so i think about alter a lot because i love her#i should just make a side tumblr to write alter x readers or something during this
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Like I've said a million times before, I love Steven Universe and think its resolution of the Diamonds fits well with its overall themes and its only big issue is that it was rushed (due to circumstances outside the crew's control). But I wonder why I'm cool with Steven talking the Diamonds into reforming while rolling my eyes at The Falcon and the Winter Soldier having Sam do essentially the same thing to the GRC and the senators.
#maybe it's because su is established as more idealistic with themes of reaching out to others and how it's never too late to make#a change for the better#while tfatws is meant to be more Realistic in a sense in that it deals with the political ramifications of the Snap#and attempts to pull a Reality Ensues by exploring things like the consequences of such a universe altering event#or the realities of what it would mean for a Black man to take up the captain america mantle in an america that has historically#(and currently) oppressed minority groups#etc etc#so the conclusion being 'sam gives the senators a stern talking to and they agree to stop forcibly deporting people'#feels a lot more unearned?#idk.#i'm still mulling this over#s says some words#anti mcu#ig
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kurama and hiei WOULD cover vocaloid together.
#i think kurama at least would like vocaloid a lot and then drag hiei down the rabbit hole because yknow. gay people#and idk it just feels like theyd cover vocaloid!!! i mean dude a tale of six trillion years and one night is RIGHT THERE!!!#that song is LITERALLY about hiei i am TELLING YOU#but then ghost rule feels so kurama in my mind#and theres just so many songs i feel like theyd cover together or individually!!#like worlds end dancehall? listen man i WILL explode right here and now#also kurama would cover jibeta travel by himself#theyd cover two breaths walking i just KNOW they would#i prefer their sub voices over their dub voices so most of this is going off of that#but like!!!! harmonies dude!!! their voices could compliment each other SO WELL#they would cover ikanaide together and it would sound so pretty#kurama would force hiei to cover salamander#also hiei would do karakuri pierrot on his own#call me insane because i am but like hear me out okay#kurama cover of idsmile??? i would DIE#i mostly have ideas of songs kurama would cover#i think theyd do a MEAN alter ego cover#yes im a proseka fan why do you ask#theyd cover cutlery together but i think kurama would have to do the primary vocals because hiei couldnt sing that high#also of course hiei would cover usseewa i mean look at him#maybe i should list these in a doc or something#because theres still more and i need to stop typing them out ij the tags
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idk why I'm posting this here but it's fine because I can do whatever I want. sorry I think I'm having an enneagram type 1 moment. it's not mental illness, it's because of my enneagram type! can't help being a Gemini Enneagram Type 1
also I keep using the amulet's powers so I've been being hit with the after effects. such power deranges a man /ref
#milgran't#type 1 momence#btw as a prefacw this is not directed at anyone here. this is just. a thing. that is everywhere.#ok. anyway.#the....... Exotification of DID/OSDD-1... is always so annoying.#and like. i get it. i understand. its probably a difficult thing for many ppl to actually comprehend as a real human experience#which brings me to the main point of this Pussy-Rant (ranting in tags bc im a pussy)#i think. the main reasom its So Exotified. is. '''''''MPD''''''''#serioisky that name has done. so much fucking damage its insane. absolute wack shit#anyway yeah. like. the concept of it being Multiple People In One Body/Brain... when like... that's.. not really whats going on..#like if youre a system and that's how you understand your system to be. then power to you. i dont care do literally whatever#its just. i think CDDs would be a LOT easier for people to understand if--#--it was not looked at as the Multiple People Disorder. but instead as the Fucking Extreme Compartmentalization Disorder#idk its just annoying seein ppl (who are probably very well meaning!) talk about the disorder i experience as if its bizarre and fantastical#~look wooooowwww this is something that can happen to the brain due to The Most Unreal And Most Traumatic Events!! crazy right?~#i am going to get the Evil Alter out here so he can beat you to death.#like yeah its fucking. sad and fucked up what has to happen to develop a CDD. and that should be acknowledged.#and many systems Have had to go through experiences that a lot of ppl can only fathom as being able to happen in fiction.#but.... its just so isolating and makes me feel Capital C Crazy 🥴#dear lord ive just been so irritable and frustrated lately... obligatory apologies.#ah. i think i suddenly figured out why this in particular triggers me so much.#god damn it it's always the fucking trauma huh!#<- spent basically all of elementary school and middle school feeling like there was a giant sign over my head that said--#--''this poor soul went through something so tragic! how awful to think that something that serious could happen to just a little kid!''#its the ''hey can you stop treating me as something helpless that needs to be fixed and just treat me like A Fucking Person'' feelings#but see this disorder is just so beautiful because in a week i may be wanting ppl to see me as a suffering freak who needs to be fixed#or hell even fucking tomorrow. who knows not me#.. ok im actually genuinely afraid talkimg about this is going to lead to her gettinf triggered out KDJSNKDJSNJD so im gonna. stop.
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I don't know what to do for her. She keeps fronting and every day is like the end of the goddamn world for her.
Nothing makes it better. I don't know what to do for her.
#🦋 mom speaks#most of the suicidal posts on this blog have been 🐅. shes been fronting a LOT now (probably protective since weve been in more pain lately)#but like. shes not coping with the medical shit at all. we try talking. she used to do good in therapy. but recently its just been hopeless.#its just that. the medical events are relentless. and they will never stop. and our degree of choice and agency never changes.#its pretty hopeless shit tbh#and on one hand its like “oh shes taking on all this trauma so host does have to” but its like. HOST WOULD NOT BE REACTING THIS STRONGLY TBH#shes hitting the body. self harming. plotting suicide All The Time. like i get that you dont wanna b here but gurl. leave??#idk what to do. i dont want to ban her from bodytime because weve been through shit like this and she was doing well!!#but now its like. can an alter be completely spent and stuck in place and unable to move forward? so you either integrate or replace them?#she has family here. canyon and cat would miss her. i would. shes so long standing and and and#but i cant like. idk. i cant get things under control. i need help. for once im welcoming advice in the comments tbh#actually traumagenic#system shit#did system
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beginning to wish i was exposed to queer internet spaces a bit later so i could have just existed for a while, its really hard to think about my gender when I haven't spent a single period of time not analyzing it since i was 13
#idk i think i could have used at least a couple years of just iding as a cis allo lesbian to see how it felt#like before even thinking about other possibilities#idk having id'd as aro for my entire teen years and never really considered my identity before claiming that term made it really hard#to realize that wasn't the case at 17-18#and i wonde if i had just been gay for like a second if i could have skipped that#and now I'm re-questioning my gender and I don't even know#at this point i think even if i had had the possibility of being cis at some point my perception of gender is so fundamentally altered#from trying to fit myself into boxes for like 7 years#that it still would not be remotely the same as the gender of a cis woman#idk I've been consuming a lot of lesbian content#and feeling somehow detached from cis lesbian circles is weird because I'm getting to a point where lesbian is my primary identifier#so i want to fully connect with that#but my experience is so different from a lot of people#because i never got to be a teenage girl#or let myself be one? idk#idk if i even id as a girl or a woman now at all i just wish things were less complicated#feeling dyke feelings generally#*when i'm screaming at the sky
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#am i stupid to buy a jacket off depop bcuz i think with some specific alterations and some overdyeing#it would make a perfect cosplay jacket for a specific character#unaltered it’s not something i’d normally wear and cosplay-ified certainly not#where do people even wear cosplays too like. at cons? with friends? for photoshoots?#i’ve been to one convention my whole life and it was ok.. i walked around a bit and bought some art#i don’t know irl people who are into the relevant media…i don’t know a lot of irl people period#idk it would be so pointless and a waste of money but i am dumb and also delusional#i used to watch a lot of cosplay vlogs and people always seemed like they were having so much fun lmao#point: no joke i already own like 80% of the rest of the character’s outfit…#counterpoint: there’s zero justification for spending $$ on something that’ll provide 0 utility and sit in my closet forever#sigh
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character design pet peeve but like. every single time i see a character with wings or a Wing AU I'm like. okay but how do you put shirts on though. how do you comfortable wear a lot of clothing with a chracter that has wings. why does the shirt seemingly wrap around the whole body even though the wings, which are based off a bats wings, seem to literally be in the way and now you have some weird fucking paradox going on with the wings and the shirt (i have been guilty of this but only because my brain wasn't working at the time).
like. i don't wanna hear "oh just don't think about it it's not important lol" actually it is important TO ME. there is a reason my character baphomet doesn't wear anything besides a loin cloth: HE LITERALLY CAN'T WEAR ANYTHING ELSE. He would need somebody to help him custom design a shirt that he can put on his body himself that he would inevitable end up not wearing because it would be too much of a hassle and probably be uncomfortable for him since he's never worn a shirt before in his life. i'm just like. maybe the body parts that alien and/or fantasy creatures have would make clothing a fucking stupid hassle that's not worth the effort? do we care at all about what they would actually experience or proper world-building or are we just too absorbed in our human experience which includes wearing clothes a lot.
#ash's personal tag#like come on. i saw a wing AU for like batman or whatever and i was just like. what do you mean in a society of winged people-#they don't help each other put their clothes on?#like. i'm sorry but the body parts that you have DO IN FACT ALTER THE SOCIETY AND CULTURE YOU LIVE IN#if EVERYBODY had wings things would NOT be as they are in this day and age. history would've been significantly altered.#idk i'm just. people don't realise that body parts are huge deal in how humans and animals and shit experience and think about their life#j'onn j'onnz being naked as hell in his true form makes a lot of sense because. he's a fucking alien.#and clearly his people do not need clothes. so why bother with them at all. he only bothers with them because of human ideas of decency#even in his more subdued alien form that he has in the justice league he is literally just wearing shorts a cape and boots.#i'm sure he'd be naked as hell 100% of the time of he thought he could get away with it.
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