#but that was just hilarious

[greater-than-the-sword]

.

[fromcainwithlove]

author’s notes today: hey guys so just a warning there isn’t 100% explicit verbal consent even though they’re both really into it so remember this is FICTION, also they don’t use a condom :((( but in real life safe sex is important!!! please be safe out there everyone

a/n back in the day: kept thinking about ____ stabbing knives through both of _____’s hands to pin him in place while they fucked so here you go lol =P

[dramatic-dolphin]

when we were studying the bible in literature class (so we have the context necessary for later works that reference the bible), i think we were at the book of jonah, and one of my classmates was studying the text very intently, and then looked up and earnestly said "professor, i don't understand the will of god"

the teacher was just like. well sadly i am a literature teacher and not a priest so i can't help you there. but if it helps, many people throughout history had the same problem.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[darlingofdots]

my parents are on holiday in their mobile home

they're expected back this upcoming weekend

I just spent ten days in my childhood home to keep an eye on things

I have hidden 100 small yellow ducks all over the house

I am very excited for my parents to be back

[ciderbird]

academic bias is so funny because you’ll be reading about the same historical event and one person is like “Despite the troubles that befell his homeland and near constant criticism of the court King Blorbo remained strong in the face of adversity” and the other one is like “after letting his people carry the brunt of his cringefail decisions Blorbo the Shitface refused to listen to any reason and continued to be a warmongering piece of shit. Also he was ugly.”

[stevenrogered]

Sam Reid: I ate so many of those photos. They were made of rice paper, so they stuck to the roof of my mouth. There were a few where I just shoved the whole photo into my mouth, but that didn’t work, so I had to eat it. It was like eating a sweet cake. They were stuck to the roof of my mouth and I couldn’t keep talking.

They’re saying mean things about Louis’ photos, so he’s going, “Fuck you! You took a beautiful photograph. Don’t listen to that guy. I’ll eat it.”

Jacob Anderson: I loved it so much.

[beanghostprincess]

The most frustrating thing about this is that girly actually met the closest person to Nami and didn't even know I am literally screaming

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

this is possibly the funniest terf take i’ve ever seen. trans people, hate to tell you this but buying clothes is actually capitalist and you should stop /j.

[redsray]

The batkids getting in trouble with the JL somehow when undercover or when using aliases and instead of... you know... the aliases... they give their siblings first names. Batman has gotten multiple calls from the JL where they'd be like

Green Lantern: Uh Bats we've got a 'Jason' in custody here he's asking for you.

Batman, panicking bc wtf did Jay do this time:

Tim: Hi!

Batman: You're not Jason.

Tim, dead serious: I don't know what you're talking about.

[brainrotcharacters]

the next time Logan does this, wade is going to keel over CACKLING

[egophiliac]

(looks at upcoming card releases)

I'm in danger :)

[fruit-teeth]

Me: maybe I’m not cut out to be a writer…idk what if I’m not good enough

BookTok romance writers: ‘what if you were just a normal school teacher…but the MINOTAUR wanted to get you PREGNANT’

[liquidstar]

genuinely this is the funniest joke in the series so far to me

[stil-lindigo]

mumbattan's one and only pavitr prabhakar!!

prints

[sunfortune]

colin: i feel like i need to get a good grade at being a husband

kate: don’t put so much pressure on yourself colin. there’s no such thing as-

anthony: they just made me valedictorian of being a husband 😁. my major? loving and cherishing my wife. my grades? As across the board. my gpa? 10 billion-

kate: SHUT UP