#but that might just be because im the only artist not trying to compete with other artists and I SEE US ALL AS EQUALS

[alchemiclee]

I don't know why most other artists i've faced in my life refuse to help or support or befriend or work with me in any way because they're obsessed with making art a competition. i'm the least competitive person you will ever meet. what's being kind and helpful and supportive and cooperative towards me going to do to you?! i'm not good enough at art to even be a threat if I tried! I don't get why they act like this towards me. I cant do anything to hurt your art career, so why are you trying to hurt mine?! I don't get it.

[kirnet]

actium update sunday

yeah it's been a hot minute since I did this!! Actium has currently released 112 pages (not including covers and other illustrations), which mostly shows poor pacing and a lack of experience on my end lol, but is also an accomplishment! i am almost done with chap 3, i just have one more update to release for that... which is unfortunately in the sketching phase still. whoops.

speaking of massive page counts being a symptom of poor planning lol, i am currently rewriting a lot of the future chapters i have planned, with special attention to chap 4. chap 4 introduces the main conflict that every character going forward will be competing for, and so i need to make sure it's solid, that i have no possible questions or vagueness about it. other than that, i'm rescripting a lot of things, cutting down on page counts and learning to use my panels more effectively. this is something that i will continue to get better and better at the more i do it, so i'm okay with the fact that it will probably change in the future as well.

to be completely honest, i was really throwing myself into a wall trying to rewrite, just getting stuck because i was so attached to certain sequences and ideas. i've finally gotten over that, and a part of that was changing the way i thought about actium's story structure! actium was always going to have three acts, but my problem was that i was looking at them as three acts of one "book," so to speak, and thus the structure wasn't really working. actium is big, it has a lot of ground to cover (a lot that i should cut probably lol), and thus the 3 act structure was leaving me treading water in some places... so i just changed it from 3 "acts" to three "books"! Thinking of actium as a trilogy honestly helped me slot a lot of my puzzle pieces into place? no idea why, but it's given me a clearer idea of that i want to accomplish going forward. it will all be released under one account and such, i'm not splitting it up other than mentally.

actium was always going to be an amateur passion project, something i love and embrace. it will show my flaws as a writer and artist (to an almost unbearable degree lol), but the only way for me to ever do or get better at anything is to dive in head first. I've learned a lot already from these 112 pages, and I know that it will just continue to get better and better as I go on. but, of course, making sure that my foundation is solid and fixing up my outline now will really help with that.

in terms of uploading, it will happen when it happens lol. im job hunting for a second job unfortunately rn, so my time will just be what it is. i might start uploading just the lined uncolored pages on patreon when i finish them, or i'll just put all my pages on patreon until i have enough of a chapter's backlog to start releasing them publicly. in terms of the website, it is still down, i just need to dedicate the time to rebuilding it off of wix, and i've been more focused on creating the actual pages to learn neocities or wherever i'm gonna host it. it's all very messy lol

as always tysm to everyone who reads it!! you all mean the world to me <3 i 'm spending the entirety of my day today (fingers crossed) on writing and editing, so I hope to have this phase wrapped up soon!

[shamebats]

"Im scared about posting my work.

Greetings, I am an artist who has recently completed a drawing that required a significant amount of time and effort. My intention was to share it publicly for others to view, but given the prevailing significance of AI, I am apprehensive that AI may utilize my work for its algorithm. Currently, I am disinclined to proceed with this and am contemplating the decision to refrain from posting my work. I am struggling to identify methods to prevent AI from assuming control without extensive effort. I have reached a point of complete exhaustion. What is the purpose of sharing creative work or engaging in artistic endeavors when a program can produce a significantly larger quantity in less time? What is the point of pursuing art when artificial intelligence can exceed its capabilities?"

Reply: "Cards on the table, I am ardently pro-AI, so if you're not looking to hear that angle, give this comment a skip. But I'm also a professional writer whose father was a professional artist.

On the subject of the training data: while billions of images are included in a prospective dataset, they are extensively curated. This is not a slight against your ability, but there's no guarantee that your work would be considered desirable for the dataset - lots aren't, for multitudes of reasons.

For instance, while my published poetry might have been scraped to train ChatGTP etc. because it exemplifies a niche, I doubt my long and rambling passion-project of a blog was what they were looking for. Likewise the Mass Effect fanfiction I write on the side. There's no guarantee your work'll go in.

Most essentially, I think it's important to explain that AI art bots don't just create a 'collage' of artworks they've seen - this isn't a copy-and-lift kind of deal; it's much more complex and vastly more transformative (which is why I don't believe AI art is theft). Unless you have produced enough art to have a distinctive style, and the bot has been trained on all of it, and they've trained it to recognise that text prompt, you're not going to see recognisable elements of your own work in the output.

So, if you disagree with it being used on ideological grounds, that's one thing. But if you're concerned about replication, there's little to worry about. It's like dumping a bucket of sand on the beach and then trying to find your individual grains - you contributed to the beach, sure, but you'd never pick out your sand. Mike Mignola could, or Frank Miller, but outside of the really Big Leagues, no.

On your last bit, the 'what's the point' that is afflicting many artists and writers over this - the point is love of art itself.

Just because the AI can create masses of output in minutes does not, in any way, invalidate nor belittle your artistic endeavours. Artistic, creative, human effort will always be king. It will always be worthwhile just by existing, just for the painstaking effort and passion taken to translate it into reality. It will always, always be essential.

ChatGTP can't quite write a cohesive, competent novel on its own - yet. It's only a matter of time. But even when it can, and even if the world is full of 90% AI-gen novels, I'll still be writing, just for the pure joy of it. It's what I do. It's who I am. I'll keep sharing it with people no matter what they do with it. Because I love writing. And going from your exhaustion over this, you obviously love art.

My advice: forget about the AI 'tug-of-war' and just make art."

Exchange taken from r/aiwars.

[psychiatricwarfare]

this post was inspired by a real person btw. so before anyone tries that whole "nazis cant change, theyre pure evil incarnate" spiel, you're wrong. every single person on earth is capable of change, for better or worse, it doesn't matter. there is no fundamental difference between you and a nazi other than the circumstances you were born into that made you go one path and them another. you are not better than someone who was not given the same opportunities as you, the same resources, the same information, the same life.

you can hate nazis all you want, in fact i encourage it, but that doesn't take away their personhood and if one day they realise they dont want to be that way anymore, that person is no longer your enemy. anyone trying to leave the alt-right is a very powerful potential ally and shaming them for their past is a great way to push them back into the alt-right community and, personally, i think we could use more allies than enemies

the last tattoo i got was done by a guy at a local tattoo parlour. i went in and joked to my friend that it might feel weird getting a tattoo on my chest since the nerves are more sensitive post top surgery. the artist didnt know what that meant so he started asking questions and i answered them as best and as succinctly as i could. he thanked me and explained that he had been in prison for 10 years and only recently got out so he had never heard terms like that before and that he'd accidentally insulted a nonbinary person recently and wanted to make sure he didn't do that again.

since i was so polite and patient with him, he opened up to me that he used to be a nazi. an actual full-blown nazi. he was in a nazi gang with other nazis who would go out and commit hate crimes together (which landed him in prison). at first, hearing someone about to put a needle to my skin say they used to be a nazi right after telling him im trans made me apprehensive. but truthfully, he was one of the most respectful people i have come across, better than many, many cis left-wingers and democrats and even some trans people

he opened up to me about how abusive those communities are, the constant hypervigilance to never be seen as weak, constantly seeking out reasons to hate - and i mean truly hate someone you dont even know, competing with those you're supposedly "friends" with on who's the best/strongest/etc, who's better than who. the same "friends" who will leave you behind when push comes to shove. he told me how he believed it was a dog eat dog world and that he had to strive to be the strongest and the best and anyone who fell below that was someone new he had to hate.

he told me how exhausting it was, how lonely and isolating. he told me that thinking that way never made him happy, he lived his life scared and angry. he told me he never even wanted to be a nazi, he didn't mean for it to happen. he told me about how he had made some new friends when he was young and didn't even realise what he had gotten himself into until he had already been brainwashed.

he told me that he didn't want to live like that anymore, that he didn't want to hate anyone anymore. he wanted to grow, he wanted to learn. he wanted to be a better person. that tattoo artist is someone i will never forget because his genuine appreciation for my patience and willingness to explain it to him was something i couldn't describe in words if i wanted to. the guilt on his face when he told me that he had accidentally insulted a nonbinary person showed me he was telling the truth, he felt terrible that he had made that person feel that way due to his own ignorance and he never wanted to do that again, even on accident.

when i left my appointment that day i told him i would be right back, i just needed an atm so i could give him his tip. he told me to please not do that because of the fact that i didn't turn him away after learning about his past and instead sat there with him for the hour it took to tattoo me to explain things to him that he didn't know about was worth more to him than any monetary tip. he was so happy that i, a marginalised person, gave him a chance, entrusted him with my body and my safety, and educated him patiently so he could become a better person despite knowing about his past.

the point im trying to make here is that if someone comes to you saying they used to be a bigot but they're really trying to be better and dont even know how to start, you can help them by simply being kind and guiding them in the right direction. you dont have to hold their hand and teach them like i did, thats just how i like to do things. but you can absolutely offer them kindness and let them know that they are worth more than the worst things they've done and what matters now is learning from those mistakes so they can be better people

i truly believe he is a much better leftist than the majority of so-called leftists i see online, even if he may not call himself that. i think he accepts people much easier than those of us who never fell down that pipeline because he understands that there's no difference between hating someone for being trans vs hating someone for being nonbinary vs hating someone for being genderfluid vs hating someone for being a boydyke (using gender identity discourse as an example here but you can subsitute it for p much anything) because at the end of the day, you're still finding reasons to hate someone you don't even know. so yea, he may not understand it - something he admitted as we talked - but he doesn't just blindly hate anyone he doesn't understand anymore, he just accepts that they're different from him and that's okay, he learned that he doesn't need to understand someone to see them as the same as himself - a person.

something that really worries me about left-leaning people is the immediate villifying dehumanization of people who have ever done anything wrong ever. the puritanism of leftism. saying you hate nazis is great and all until someone who is a nazi tries to get out of it and grow and learn, how will you treat them? will you hold out your hand to them? will you help them take the steps they need to build a new support system and help them get out of the abusive space they've found themselves in? or will you turn your back on them because they "should have known better"? or because they dared to fall victim to the propaganda that's been shoved down their throats since they were born?

im not saying it's our job as marginalized people to rehabilitate ex-nazis or educate people, just to show compassion for people who did fall down the alt-right pipeline and are actively trying to get out of it or have successfully done so. it could've happened to anyone, even you. yes, even YOU, the person reading this. if we want people to feel safe enough to leave nazism or alt-rightism or whatever, then we have to be a welcoming place for people to admit they'd made mistakes and they were wrong. we need to remind them that they, too, are victims of the system who were being used as pawns against people they were brainwashed to believe were their enemies

[milagrosen]

Hi again! I absolutely adore the way you present your pieces! The anatomy is astounding, and I could never compete with the paint ❤ Do you mind sharing your proportions + coloring process? I'm having a really hard time with adapting to digital art, and to be fair; I've always struggled with any form of rendering, annoying as it is 😒. You always post so many new masterpieces like it's confetti—you make it look so easy :)

Well thank you very much!❤ I don't know though how to help with the proportions because i just kinda do it, if that makes sense. To my eye i can like tell if it's off or not at this point and it has come from just drawing years and years. One thing that might help is that you can take photos of yourself, like hands or legs and use them as references and studies. Besides remember that humans aren't like textbook size. Some people have short torsos but long legs, some have short legs and long necks like, we aren't made from the same mould. And im sure you can see if your drawing still looks human sized & shaped. And not something from a horror movie. For my colouring progress? i don't really have one. 3 things i still do: sketch, some lineart and base colours. After that i just go nuts, i do whatever i feel like is gonna make it look like i want it. I might just paint the whole thing or i might use layer workings or mix them. I might just use one type of brush to paint the piece. There is no rhyme to it, i don't even know the right terms to describe it. These days im even more relaxed on how i draw & i just like to say, there's no rules really just do what you wanna do, paint however you want to. If you want something very technical, i suggest finding advice videos or read blogs by professional artists. Those have really good tips that i've also done and sometimes imply to my works. Especially if you're only starting, you might wanna know how the programs work and like the basics. But when you know how to use the tools, i say just create, try everything it might turn out really good!

[kendrixtermina]

If you're doing tritype comparisons, I'm not sure of my heart fix. I'm a 6w5 with a 1 fix and probably not a 2 fix.

im not sure i have acecss to any sources that you havent already seen but I'll just do my usual thing

General 3 vs. 4 fix

4 fix

more guarded compared to others of same core type (though other 4 fixers may read this as "lack of forced friendlyness")

stresses their tastes & preferences (ie, rant about music they really don’t like)

suspicious of hype & overly popular things - some tedecy to be the contrarian voice in a conversation

peoples characteristics, including one's own, are seen as more "fixed", so imitating a celebrity seems pointless because you are you, not them. You don't have their particular talents (-> "envy") & having a second copy of the celeb "adds" nothing to the world.

3 fix

especially if it’s the 2nd fix this can show as being more positive and/or better at self-motivating and a tendency to follow trends or fads

but it’s just as likely to show as just less obvious emotional coloration, or just adaptiveness/ social perceptiveness, or even ‘icyness’ - so you’ll often arrive at this by principle of exclusion.

An observation from reddit type me threads is that these will use the phrasing of wanting to be/ become certain things. - Sensors say they "copy cool traits from cool people " intuitives use more flowery terms like they "envision what is needed to accomplish ones goals & then become it." - reading life stories of enterpreneurs or celebrities & trying to work out "their secrets" etc.

wanting to live up to people's expectations, might repeat (or at least feel tempted to repeat) what got them praised in the past.

a 3 fixed artist, even if they have, say, a bigass double 4 wing, might be apologetic about no longer being "the old version" of themselves, like it's hard to not react to people's trope version of you even if you eventually move on/ disown it.

Whereas 4 fixed ones may make the second album completely different to the first - "can the posers who liked us only because of hype please go home now?" basically. you want ppl to see you but in the specific way that you want to be seen & if its not that then its existential crisis time. If the fans don't like the Insane Asylum Aesthetic then eff them we're gonna do Insane Asylum as long as the person feels like it because theyre primarily doing the art for themselves...

in 2 the performance is strictly for others and in 3 for both self & others and sometimes those needs conflict.

Each fix has its own separate version of the Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known, basically.

613 vs 614

despite being 1 number off the alchemy of how it combines it somewhat different.

6+4 -> Lots of raw negativity & then the overlap with the 1 is Yet More Criticism. So 614 is really negative skewing.

Whereas 613 is a lot more neutral. It's still way more fiery/temperamental (& more "human"/"everymannish") than the triple competency trifix but still pretty  efficiency focussed.

Plus without a "bad" identifying component like the 4 the combined moralism of the 6 and 1 are going to be more apparent.

But the biggest overlap between 6,1 and 3 is work orientation. If you slap a 7 wing on the 6 and sprinkle on some sx you might still get a "work hard play hard" person with a bit of a fun capacity but generally these are very focussed on hard work & morals, & maintan a clean wholesome image. They'd want others to admire the goodness & sucess, though a core 6 would maintain claims of humility.

i know one specimen irl who hasnt got a single bad grade in his life, spends his vacations taking doctor courses to get yet more qualifications despite already having a ton, & really likes volunteering for humanitarian causes.

whereas 614 with the 6 and 4 put together there wouldnt be an aversion to the "controversial" esp. when morally justified. This trifix would punch a nazi basically. (So basically my guess would be that one.)

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

odd numbers are divine 1 because it is everything 3 because it is the trinity & is also everything (1=3) 5 because it is angel & demon & is the divine organism 7 are unknowables i forget about them 6 is twice the trinity but evil because 2 is in it 8 lacks the trinity & has 2

4 is the polygon (the quad, another building block in 3d but really is just two triangles) & what makes arachnids 0 is the server when it was off, its in nothing but is the shadow] of 3 (&1) & it cant ever be seen by anything that contains 1 or 3 6 are insect 8 are arachnid

names of angels & demons always add up to 10, because their title is demon/angel + title 10 is the individual extraterrestrial ultraviolet & infrared are like glitches but they are also part of the system i dont think they can b represented with numbers because they rnt visible

god is inside every single insect every single plant every single house every single picture every single pigment its all god -- this is th argument 4 deep ecology imo but there is no point in being a deep ecologist; no 1 is advocating for plant rights,,

god is in deserts 2,, god is in anime 2,, there are primordial captures of god in old media imo like old games & stuff there are warpingsof god that gets denatured (they get more primordial w time); this is why sega saturn & psx have their own angels & demons cosmology

desserts* sry; but ya; go play a bunch of saturn games, go copy art styles from n64 & the genesis & dreamcast n realize how bziarre & contained it is,,, u are a monk illuminating a forgotten manuscript when you do that,, that is the devil(5) i tappedin2 with sengoku turb

my blood is 80% blood; waves from denatured god fractals r constantly being transmitted thru into me; they are rays of light that are always going thru everyone & every1 has it but no1 picks up on the light no noe sees the light refracting & denaturing them every single day

artificial light isp oisoning you, the light in the water is poisonoing you, the light in the food is poisonoing you, the light when you look injto a flower is poisoning you, the light when you look into sega saturn is poisoning you, you get poisoned in idnvidual waysby the color

ppl like sunny & dogi r super poisoned by the color & they pick up on it rlly well i think; keffie is increidbly poisoned by the color; here is so much artificial light in the blood of every1 bc its how the cycle goes; its like this: the world was made of light & color in nothing

the god that is in everythiing here is not the god that turned-on "nothing" & made it disappear into infinite triangles -- this is a different god we can never kno, its not ultraviolet, its not infrared, its completely outside ofthe shell we r contained in; but our god is god 2

our god is constantly trying 2 become its god outside, & in doing so the fractals of god in the deep-layer [humans] are being controlled by higher layer colors & lights to manufacture god -- like how pigments compete w each other 2 make paintings by artists u know, or music even

& eventually the shell will be completed & another torture chamber will be built & florish inside this torture chamber; progressiely more wounded gods create progressively more hellish torture chambers that they love like tamagotchis kinda

this is eve *(like adam n eve)from sm(pretend theres apicture of her here)t; if you draw this  enough & relate to it enough, rlly learn to love it, you will get poisoned by these colors 2,, if you look @ this image and listen there ARE voices inside of it, there IS static tht sounds like insects chattering

this IS psychosis but its also GOD contained within the chattering, this is how 2 invoke the crawling chaos; nyarlathotep is REAL & is awiting for you in infrared/ultraviolet adjacents that stray close to your pool, you just have to believe strongly enough & ignore all insects

if you just draw it you will be poisoned, if you just look at it you will be poisoned, if you just do the rituals some1 tells you you will be poisoned, but being poisoned isnt enough to find the crawling chaos, u need dseperation like in any religion 2 make chaos real in urself

this is y the suffering strategy works, the more you lose friends & the more you scare people & the mroe you scare yourself & the more you stop sleeping & the more you stop eating & the more you clip thru the walls in life the closer you get 2 seeing ultraviolet/infrared

& honestly that is a bad thing bc it makes u miserable; but misery is how uo get religion; christian gods are their own form of crawling chaos,, there is power in the ash; there is power in tending the grave of the qlifot, bc the dead things r inside of me 2,, i do not have life

the aspect of grace in decilne is important 2 me, as in my head it was: as long as i am graceful about my bad mannerisms, i can be Above the insects (like yuria from das3), but the genuis is internalizing all suffering makes it more caustic 2, bc it eats @ you inside outward

i cant hear the chattering bc i am not 5=angel i am 5=demon i was oplluted, angels polluting humans would make just a broken thing as me, but the colors from hellhurt jsut as much as colors from heaven; i can only see the colors that are inside & hear them even if they r soft

none ofhtis stuff is real, but its also 100% real; its not visible but its 100% visible; its not aduble but its 100% audbile; the insects trick tf out of you by writing books; nothing exists beyond ~1 week ago, the server resets every week, its just a .txt file now

is that real idk it might b me conflating my really bad memory w/ the server resetting bc i dont know/remember what mara was doing a week ago; this is ashell world tho; none of the ppl hwo can read this or respond 2 this are real they r just ghosts trying influence me in2 playing

sry about all this god im dumb but in love w u   🌈🌎👁‍🗨💙🌍🌏🔞🔪😌🙏🔥

[chyuans]

          hello , hello  !   first of all ,  i’m super excited to be here even if i’m like 10 hrs LATE  ( gmt timezone things )  i’m noe ,  a gay  they / them at the age of 19 ,  and this privileged lil disappointment of a jock boy is gonna be filling the position of kong_01 . despite the rumours ?  yuanjun’s actually not nearly as bad as some of the people he’ll be meeting here >:)  but you’ll get to know more about that below  !  if you’d like to plot just light up that HEART , or add me on disc*rd which i’ll give out in im’s , where i’m infinitely faster .  if i’m not gaming .  no tw’s under the cut  .

* backstory. > many people know of yuanjun, but few people truly know him. he's the famous kong families’ son, heir to the kong legacy, now forward position for south korea men’s national hockey team - which brought forth a ton of international fame from back home and amongst hockey lovers worldwide. while his talent is undeniable, he is long overshadowed by his families’ accomplishments, forever reminded that he’d never be the perfect son they’d hoped for, and no one ever lets him forget it.

> being the child of business tycoons who’s art business seemed to never be on the decline, tended to lend itself to an unconventional, pretty lonely childhood. 

> although jun no longer wants to dabble in the stupid shit he probably did as a teen, and escape from their home in a childish fit of rage and make the lives of the various nannies that tended to him while his parents were off being great hell, he still wonders sometimes whether this profession is what he would’ve wanted if he’d just not wanted to spite his parents. he loves hockey - that fact is undeniable. he thanks the nanny who took him there once out of necessity to stop his whining, and he fell in love with it almost instantly. but he also questions whether he gravitated to it because it was something he could throw himself into wholeheartedly to fill a void.

> he's very open to different types of people, and after being scouted at 19 and having a massive shift both in culture and identity as he then begun to travel worldwide, he’s a tiny bit more wordly now than he was back then. he's much more concerned about who you are underneath than superficial appearances, which means developing relationships are few and far between, because a lot of people do approach him because of his fame/fortune. he's unjudgemental to the point where his friends worry about his naivety and how easily he trusts people, but he's absolutely not dumb, just very well versed on telling good people from the bad.

> jun may even come across as naïve, but he's very aware of that perception is nearly important as reality. he's not extroverted in a way that demands conversation, but he knows how to talk to anyone from any background even if its just to maintain pleasantries. after competing in various competitions and versing players from canada to japan, he's become much more sharp and ambitious, a guy who very rarely lets distractions take their course. perhaps it’s with this that his family loathe his choices all the more, with his appetite, he was born with the skills required to run a business - pity he never took to anything of the creative sort.  

> working in a fast, stressful, highly coveted job such as pro-sports is a full time job and then some; jun doesn't spend much time not working on it. outside of his schedule, he likes bettering his stamina at the gym and eating healthy. he likes being surrounded by authentic people or nobody at all. he’s not one for trying new things and having new experiences due to time management, tending to stick to a schedule.

> he gets a lot of bad press though, which is beginning to weigh a little heavy on him. doubly now the murder has people talking. from being accused of performance-enhancing pills, various personality scandals, to being linked with ‘dating’ (see: ruining the image of) idols and chaebol’s alike. right now, he’s currently battling a lot of unwanted publicity because of a misunderstood interaction online against a wealthy sweetheart that went sour. 

> while jun might be generally unsympathetic and analytical when it comes to developing relationships with people that’ll last long-term, he's a bleeding heart when it comes to kids who may have experienced the same lonely upbringing as he did, without the financial gains. right now he spends sunday’s teaching a bunch of local foster home kids how to skate, and is trying to fund a couple of sports scholarships for those who show promise under a fake name, just generally being a good ‘ole guy.

> his family do not approve of his job, ofc. in fact neither of his parents have ever attended any of his matches to this day, and are only on semi-decent terms with him because jun begrudgingly is still tied by name to the business and shows his face at events for all of 30 minutes until he physically can no longer maintain pleasantries. his celebrity image perhaps is one thing they can manipulate, and even then, jun could get into scandals galore and still be doing his job. good press, bad press, it has the kong’s family name at the forefront of peoples’ minds, which always brings forth revenue.  

> pros: could be a lot worse considering his upbringing, collected, and level-headed most of the time. wicked good at sports, and keeps a cool head in a tough situation. ambitious, curious, a little reckless. eager to prove himself, rich? and very endeared to people/places he finds fascinating. which are many. knows where the good, authentic chinese cuisine is. hardworking and very interested in the idea of Progress.

> cons: the most private person alive, will not divulge any palatable information about himself or his feelings. devil's advocate always. will put himself and others at an arm’s length the second he feels (disgusted noises) e-emotions (love, namely). gets bored easily. paranoid, leads with the head more than the heart. friends > > > family. a little self-involved, never fucking sleeps - will be that neighbour you can hear padding around above your apartment at 3.05 am like it’s mid-day, aaaaand Loves Winning Above All Else

* personality & relationships.

> like many others, jun has his fair share of surface-level friends. he’s quick to be interested in people, to get to know them better, but it's difficult for him to get closer than that after a childhood of being picked up and dropped by those who looked over him - which kinda has left him with abandonment issues.

> he’s a curator of neat things that aren’t too overtly complex, and that includes friendships. so if you have something unusual about you, whether it's a talent or a way of thinking, he would be inclined to get to know you better. also, he has a lot of leverage with his job. being friends with a sports star slash million dollar trust fund baby who can get you free shit never hurts, just don’t befriend him for the perks, yanno?

> jun is very dedicated to his vision of things, and can sometimes be very obstinate in the way he a) wants them to be done b) doesn't accept other options, think steve jobs. he's very mercurial and can be nice one minute but isn't afraid to switch to hardass boss to get things done and did.  > he is insanely competitive and his strive is drawn out by always wanting to be on top. truly first child material. that's the kind of guy he is, with standards that do not reflect his passive side too well, which sometimes can get him into some “personality” scandals. he is driven, motivated, always looking for ways to be winning.

> i'm sure someone is bound to hate him, he’s probably got a few accounts online dedicated to a steady stream of shit-talking, given his cutthroat status or holding many hockey cups.

> jun doesn’t think too much about his sexuality - he'd probably best be labelled as pan, but leans towards those who identify as women? because of his current placement in a workspace, and with a cultural identity, that both don’t often lend themselves to lgbtq+ rights, i doubt he’d ever make that public.

> he works amongst some of the fittest people in the world, he knows how to appreciate beautiful bodies, but he's not about to discriminate. he's tragically a committaphobe and isn't interested in anything long-term right now, although i think it'd be funny if someone tried. he's very open for flings and one-night stands and even a friends with benefits sort of set up. 

* wc’s.  >  bring me his baby bro and sis. i command u. i have many thoughts  >  somebody who maybe gets in on his foster-kid situation? idk maybe they have a perception of jun being what he is in the articles they read of him, but they see him and are like <3_<3 he actually real Nice huh. i see this being romantic but it could bloom a really nice, wholesome friendship too. >  enemies. not gonna lie, he doesn’t vibe with rich kids w / a stick up their ass, especially since a lot of the people he works with aren’t from exorbitant families. people who loathe him for declining to take over his families’ business? like the boy can’t even name more than 3 artists off of the top of his head?   > fwb except neither of them know what “just friends” mean.  > i would love if jun had a confidante. a best friend, a partner in crime, a total bromance 'cause i can never get enough of those. whatever label you ‘wanna put on it. wiping up each other’s messes. maybe a Betrayal in the works  > again, gonna be a wc, but i would love a “rival” of jun's on a similar level (or bigger)  that’s entirely fabricated based off of trashy articles or a misunderstood interaction online. bonus points if they’re an absolute sweetheart, well loved by most people, and generally the antithesis of jun with his multiple drug/personality rumours, which in contrast, make him seem like the bad guy. 

> party buddy. this guy hasn’t touched alcohol/cigarettes/any other stimulants since he was underage and wanted to rebel. the word “relax” does not exist in his vocabulary. Help

[infiniteglitterfall]

Hi! I have atypical autism and I’m having trouble at work. I feel like no work place is working out for me because of my diagnosis. I’m uncomfortable around my colleagues, I’m quiet, I don’t know when to speak or what to say etc. I’m sad, mad and frustrated that this ruins every work place for me and I don’t know what job would fit me. I’ve never told my bosses that I have atypical autism and I don’t want to do it either. I want advice on what I should do

this is a great question!  I didn’t know what atypical autism was, but I googled it and it sounds like  they came up with this because they can’t call it asperger’s anymore? “a subthreshold diagnosis, presenting with some symptoms of autism but insufficient to meet criteria for a diagnosis of childhood autism (or autistic disorder). Alternatively, atypical autism can be diagnosed when there is a late onset of symptomatology.” Aka DDNOS, apparently.  From my perspective, it doesn’t sound different from any other autistic experience. FWIW. I think they tend to base their diagnostic labels more on how we seem from the outside than what our experiences really are. just my onion It sounds like you’re struggling with social anxiety, in that special vicious-cycle kind of way where not knowing how to interact with people makes you more anxious, and that makes it harder to interact with them, which makes you more anxious....?  The nice thing about vicious cycles is that you only have to knock out part of the cycle to make the whole thing fall apart. Like: if you didn’t feel anxious about not knowing when to speak or what to say, it would be easier to figure out when to speak or what to say. Which, in turn, would give you less reason to feel anxious about it, et cetera.  Or, if you knew what to say to them and how to hit it off, you would have fewer triggers for your anxiety, which would then make it easier to.... you get the idea.  There are a lot of things that help with social anxiety. I am going to give a shout-out to medication, first of all. There are a lot of life hacks and therapeutic techniques that help a lot. And for yeeeeeaaaars, I didn’t realize that I really had anxiety, and also, thought that I “should” see if I could manage anything myself before “resorting to” meds.  Turns out, medication saves me a TON of spoons, which I was previously using to “manage” depression, anxiety, and ADHD. You would not BELIEVE how much more energy and just general functionality I had when I finally got my meds right. OMFG.  It can be a pain in the ass to find the right medication, especially if it means first having to find a medical practitioner that can help you and then having to explain the situation. Sometimes you find something that helps you right away. Sometimes you have to try different things to find something that works well enough. Sometimes you get the fun of “doesn’t work for me AND has bad side effects for me.” (OTOH, when looking at side effects, always remember that you might not get any of the side effects.)  IMHO, the hardest part of finding the right medication is that a lot of practitioners don’t know how to track whether it’s helping you or not. Or whether it’s helping ENOUGH. Like: I got on anxiety meds that were starting to help, but which were making my ADHD meds not work.  I tried a bunch of other things, and finally got Vyvanse to work for my ADHD. But I managed to FORGET that my anxiety meds weren’t doing anything, for a full year, until things got really bad and I was like “wait a minute... these should be helping????” And I did some research, accidentally found a competent psychiatrist, and found that Cymbalta worked for me... but even then, if I hadn’t found decent tools for assessing if it was enough, I would’ve stopped at like half the dose I actually needed to be on.  This post is gonna be long as it is, so I’m gonna reblog to add different tools you can use to gauge what’s working, and which will help medical professionals understand what you’re experiencing. (Because tbh, they’re often just plain ignorant about this shit.)  You do not necessarily have to go to a psychiatrist to get medication for anxiety, social or otherwise! My partner’s OBGYN prescribed him depression meds. My family doctor was willing to prescribe stuff for depression and anxiety, but only if it was something that didn’t potentially interact with ADHD meds. My chosen brother’s doctor was asking EVERYBODY, after the 2016 election, how they were doing and if they needed depression/anxiety meds. (And they’re in North Carolina!) He had never really thought about it before, and in fact, when he started taking them, his social anxiety got so much better that he was doing shit like going back into the store to tell them they’d given him too much change. He was the one who got me to think about taking them. He had a little kid, and he was like, "I’m doing this for my family.”  Ok, medication aside:  Some kinds of therapy are really good for figuring out how to interact with people. I’ve been learning a lot about different modalities, and I would recommend finding someone who does what’s called “relational therapy” or “relational-cultural therapy.”  Basically, relational therapy is ALL about learning how to interact with people and have better relationships of all kinds. It’s very connected with issues of marginalization: people who are into relational therapy learn about how marginalization, and abuse, affect us and our relationships. Like, how we can internalize a ton of shame, just from being autistic and being devalued by the people around us. Even just from existing in a world that doesn’t value or understand how we communicate, and how we experience things.  And it’s really good for identifying that stuff, healing from the struggles of trying to interact with people, and learning how to relate to people in a way that works for you.  I found an organization that explains it pretty well (”Are you anxious when it comes to social situations like the workplace?... If we are depressed or anxious, inevitably it can be traced back to tension or breakdowns in relationships, or an inability to connect”), has a blog post in the sidebar called “Signs of Aspergers In Adults - Sound Familiar?” and apparently does therapy globally via Skype. I have never used them, I don’t know anything about them, I just googled “relational therapy” “online therapist.” (Shockingly, tho, that blog post not only links to one by an actually autistic person, but is very positive about autistic traits. I’m impressed so far. And I’m sure there are other options out there, too.) Lastly (as far as Things That I Personally Know Work go), I’ve gotten a LOT of recovery around social anxiety, and learned how to build relationships at work, from 12-step programs.  The reason it works for that, as far as I can tell, is:  • It’s a peer-led model, where everyone is equal. (this was huge to me, because I really struggled for a long time with feeling like everyone knew better than I did and had more of a right to talk about anything than I did, and therapy was a tough way to deal with things at that point because I saw the therapist as A Professional who’s In Charge.)  • There’s a lot of emphasis on the fact that the newcomer who just walked into the room has as much of a right to give input in a business meeting, or to volunteer to help out with something that doesn’t require specific experience, or to share what’s going on with them, as anybody else.  • Everybody there has gone through the same stuff as you, and anybody who’s helping you is showing you what worked for them, not what they were taught would work for people. That can be a pretty big difference, especially in terms of being able to relate to them and share personal things with them.  • Working the steps involves a lot of writing about your fears and resentments, and looking at, basically, what has and hasn’t worked for you, and why it hasn’t worked. Really, what you're doing there is seeing where you can reclaim your power. And then you deal with a lot of shame, and get to discover how much you’re like other people, and how much you’re equal to other people, and that you’re a good addition to the world. • You also connect with your intuition, when working the steps, and develop a better sense of what’s intuition and what’s fear/anxiety. That, and sharing in meetings, REALLY helped me get a sense of what to say to people and get comfortable saying things. (A lot of people shorthand what I’m calling “intuition” as “god,” but it’s very much supposed to be a nonreligious idea of “god.” and IME, it’s basically your intuition, whether your belief system says that’s god talking to you, or a psychological thing, or a mystical force, or what.)  Plus, 12-step stuff is free, which I’m very much in favor of lol. And most 12-step orgs have phone meetings and online meetings, so you don’t even have to go in person if that’s a barrier. (and in a phone meeting, they might not even know you’re there!) The tricky part can be figuring out which 12-step groups are good in your area and what might work for you. Because they range from Alcoholics Anonymous to, like... what’s the most obscure one I can think of? ARTS Anonymous, I guess. (it’s for artists who are stuck, it’s not saying art is an addiction)  But if you wanted to try 12-step for this, I would say that Emotions Anonymous is really good for dealing with all sorts of emotional and mental health stuff. (and holy shit, they have an app????) Adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families has, iirc, a good book, (as well as all the meetings and whatnot) and most people probably qualify for that. If you have any experience with sexual assault, abuse, harassment, or being cheated on, COSA is good, and you end up working on all your other relationships and emotional stuff along the way. 

[leafy-wings]

How would you get into WoF roleplays?

apologies, im not quite sure how to read this one- if you mean “how did I get into wof rps”, ive listed that below, as well as general tips in being better at getting into wof rps, and at the very end if your information on the topic at a total zero. i slowly backpedalled from how much i thought youd know about wof rp lol...

ive been in a good number of wof rps- six or so? but three of them were run by me. ill try to detail them below, but i have very bad memory- actually, i dissociate and have memory loss very often. the patchy spots sometimes get put in the wrong places, so i might be wrong. i hope my summaries provide something, and ill add more at the bottom about joining

- my first wof rp was refuge and rouges, run by me

- my second wof rp was just this year, the destined. id seen the chosen in the past and found the destined (i think it was a recommended blog) right before it started. followed and got notifs and joined from there

- not chronological but being in the destined allowed me to be in the legends and the moonborn

- then i made the royal division

- then i joined pyrrhia pantala au on deviantart, i had joined a few wof groups to get my posts more attention and i think i saw pyrrhia pantala from there, but joining it i think was actually when i looked up on deviantart group search about wof rps

- i joined sundown falls on dA too, but it hasnt gone anywhere yet

- i made another rp of my own, the animus code

- briefly entered an rp which i think was accepting every applicator and immediately fell apart

SUMMARY: dA groups are much more forgiving. While they’ll generally have a time frame for acceptance, all you need to do is fill stuff out and if you do it right you WILL be accepted unless it’s filled up/they need something specific. story based roleplays, usually over discord, require a LOT of luck in finding the RP while apps are open (ive missed SITS twice now and only found out they had apps open THE HOUR they closed). its very helpful if you can find people involved in wof rp and ask them if they know any wof rps soon to come. and if you mean how do you compete in getting into wof rps (because yknow, you have to submit characters and only a few will be accepted).... i dont know. every group ive applied to so far has gotten in. i think being able to draw well makes your character look very catchy and draw the host to em. i think its very important too to make an interesting character while not going over the line- give your character a motif. like, jewels is that hes been trained from birth against the apocolypse. whirlpool is constantly living a facade. orius lives for other people, poison ivy does vigilante justice, etc etc. worst thing i see in wof rps, from judging apps myself, is people who make their characters just... normal. if the backstory is “they grew up in this town with both of their parents and now theyre here” you are really going to be ignored.

if you mean “i dont understand wof RP, how does it function?” (ill answer this for tumblr)- find yourself a blog that runs a wings of fire roleplay/follow an artist whos announced theyre planning one and see the rules from there. mostly therell be a few information posts you have to read about the premise, rules for characters, and rules for the player, along with an application. fill it out and make sure you keep in mind the rules, and follow the rules as listed for the specific group on what to do after- some want you to publically post your app and @ the blog or simply tag it some way, some want you to message them your app, etc etc. from there youll either be linked to the discord or not

[frigidvm]

✧･ﾟ(   khione + kaylee bryant + cisfemale   ) 𝒎𝒂𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒂 !!  have you seen (   eleanora “ella” duponte  ) around ? (  she  ) has been in kaos for (   six months   ). the (   twenty two year old   ) is a/an (   unemployed   ) from (   ontario, canada   ). people say they can be (   fierce   ) but maybe that’s not too bad ‘cause they can also be (   cunning   ). whenever i think of them, i can’t help but think of (   the numbness in your fingertips when touching ice, frost patterns along a rose petal, & the warmth of hot chocolate on a winter morning   ).

I ALSO MADE A PINTEREST HERE IT ISSSSSS click here

hi usually i have a pretty intro graphic but ya girl is feeling ultra lazy today and photoshop is being a big bitch and so i just ... decided to use a little gif that truly encompasses ella as a person EIRUFLKND

BUT ANYWAYS hey it’s me again, lou, i also play julietta and i am soooo excited to be introducing this baby to you all !! i’m gonna be frank, she’s not the easiest to get along with ?? i kinda based her a little bit off of how khione was in the pjo books but Less Evil and Less Messy if that makes sense ?? she’s just really blunt and kinda sorta rude and very much the queen of RBF. below is a bio i wrote in second person -- it’s pretty long so u dont have to read it if u dont want to i promise it wont hurt my feelings ill be happy to give u a tldr if u want me to. 

i hope u enjoy my baby ,, pls dont be afraid to plot with her i promise she may seem like a meanie but she rlly does have the Capability to be nice ,,, she’s just forgotten how ,,

on december 25th, in the year 1997, you made your way into the world in the midst of the coldest night ontario had faced in months. your parents, evelyn and nathaniel duponte, had prayed and prayed for a baby girl for years. years and years and years of trying and trying and trying until eventually, they had given up. and it was only when they’d given up that you came to be.

as a child, you were nothing short of the brightest light in the house. your smile was enough to brighten even the darkest of hearts, your laughter sweeter than even the daintiest christmas bells. you were a dream child – that is, until they stole your light. and how did the do that, you ask ? well, this is truly where our story begins …

no one is entirely sure when the passion blossomed, but some rumor it to have started on your fourth birthday. your mother and father thought that a fun trip to an ice skating rink would make for a good present, and much to their surprise, you were a natural. it was as if you were born specifically for the ice. one step into the rink and off you went, able to hold yourself upright and balanced even at such a young age. a prodigy, they said. absolutely incredible, they praised. you left that evening with a new pair of skates and weekly lessons scheduled into your routine.

after two months of lessons, they went from weekly to three times a week. and then every day. before you really knew what was happening, you were spending every second of your life at the ice rink, honing in your skills. this talent that you possessed was going to get you far in life, your coach had said. what he didn’t seem to realize was the monster that it would awaken within your mother. it was gradual, at first. a slow trickle. one day she was more proud of you than any parent ever could, and then a week later she was subtly criticizing your technique. and then she was restricting you from going out with friends, saying that practice was far more important. and then she was pointing out every single flaw that you had, and harshly at that. pretty soon, the joy in your eyes winked out, the warmth in your chest icing over entirely. if a machine was what she wanted for a daughter, a machine was what she would get.

competitions came and went, gold medals were secured, and you were on a fast track to competing in the olympics. your once bright and bubbly personality had since faded into one of cold and cunning, of ice and harsh. you only ever smiled when you won. your mother was no longer the nurturing woman you remembered. your father allowed her to treat you like her own personal doll. you began to fold within yourself until you were nothing but a frozen front, a heart iced completely with no chance of thaw.

your first olympics were terrifying. but you persevered, and came home with the gold for your division. a landslide win, they’d called it. rookie sensation, they deemed you. the praise went right to your head, and the arrogance bloomed in your chest. you knew just how good you were, and didn’t let anyone tell you differently. four years later, you competed again, and yet another gold. a two time olympic champion, a national ranking – what more could you need ?

and then you saw the zillow ad for a nice house on a small island called kaos. for the first time in forever, something besides ice caught your attention. it was an impulse decision, and a quick move. she waited until both of her parents were out of the house to have all of her things collected, and just like that, she was gone. vanished. no word as to where she was going other than a note that read ‘see you whenever.’ it’s been six months since then, and she has no plans on leaving kaos anytime soon.

iii. details.

she is not very nice ,,,

she also comes from a fuckload of money. very high society.

is a world ranked figure skater

has won two olympic gold medals

her favorite color is champagne ( shes so boujee i hate her )

always has very manicured nails

honestly the best way i can describe her is like

blair waldorf except not whiny ??? very much a “i’m important and idc what you say about it” vibe

definitely lives in designer clothing

used to be very artistic and was actually fantastic at painting and drawing and sculpting but then her mom was like “its a distraction no more for u”

she really …. doesn’t know how to have fun anymore ??

MAAAAAJOR slytherin vibes. like major. very ambitious and cunning and will do anything to get to where she wants to be

like she doesn’t care who she has to go through

and she also doesn’t care who’s feelings she hurts

has a maine coon named fluffernutter ,,, because he is white and brown and reminded her of the sandwich. however she commonly refers to him as fluff and refuses 2 tell anyone his actual name

wears only one piece of jewelry and it is a silver necklace with a locked heart pendant ( this is absolutely symbolism thnx )

does not have a job because she does not need a job

really likes the luxurious lifestyle

definitely owns a rolex

really just … doesn’t care abt anything

someone thaw her out pls & thank u

iii. wanted plots !!! im also super duper open to brainstorming things of our own ! these are just ideas !!!

1. the former best friend - this is someone that she spent a good majority of her time with before her mother limited interactions with people. they did everything together, whether it be watching a movie or trying to see how long they can get away with hiding in a grocery store after they close. it’s been nearly four years since they’ve spoken, and this might be one of the only people to bring a genuine reaction out of her.

2. the almost, the maybe, the “there’s something there” - they met recently. or maybe they met awhile ago. could work either way. this person was almost successful in attempting to worm their way into her heart. almost, however, is the key word in that statement. having gone so long without genuine human interaction outside of her sport, she hadn’t realized just how much she had longed for a friend. and then, she suddenly liked them as more then a friend, and that was when ella cut off everything. she’ll never admit it, but the idea of building a connection with someone terrified her.

3. the rival - oh, these two do not like each other. the why is something that can be discussed, but just know that there was some sort of altercation that led to the level of dislike between the two of them. could it possibly change ?? maybe so. i’d actually like to see how that pans out. however, as of right now, the most they do is snipe at one another mercilessly

[sibyl-of-space]

no one asked but im fuckin emo about relationships and communities online in 2020 so im going to go on a rambling essay like only someone with unmedicated ADHD can

When I turned 13 I was allowed to have My Own Computer With Internet in my room. The first thing I did was find and join an online forum about video games (this was early 2000′s, forums were a thing). I made over 100 posts my first DAY because I was so excited to talk to other people who liked video games and stuff and could talk about how actually I learned in biology that one of the ocarina of time bosses being a giant single-celled amoeba is unscientific.

Like, before I was allowed to be On The Internet TM, I talked to friends at school about video games by forcing my 3 friends to play the games I wanted to talk about, and then we would talk about them. And even once I joined these online spaces, it was totally different because everyone got to kind of just pick their own name and their own image to represent them so it was like a totally different, separate life.

Growing up, having these online communities where I had a sort of anonymity but still could interact with and meet people and form really close relationships, in addition to niche IRL friendships, was really important. I didn’t really have a lot of drama in IRL friend groups but boy there was forum drama and I feel like I got a lot of exposure to social interactions and stuff that way. I feel like I got the Authentic Teen Experience TM more online than in person.

(My first relationship was an online relationship with someone I met on this forum. Not to entirely derail, but it started out as a ‘joke’ and we pretended to be dating, and I have like insanely long AIM chat logs of the whole event to prove it.)

Anyway, I think I would be having an easier time with this if the forum had just gone under 10 years ago like all the rest of them did, but it has kind of been on life support this whole time and is still alive, and I’m having a LOT of feelings about it.

I really don’t want to talk about details here, I kind of don’t even care about them anymore, it’s just sad that this forum more exists as an animated corpse of what once was that a lot of us old farts still log onto every now and then, but there’s no real effort or desire to re-invest into trying to keep it alive or fresh and live on as a space new people might want to come to. I’m a mod of one of the sub-forums because I was modded 10 years ago and there’s no one to replace me. And now we are at a place where a known racist asshole is possibly going to be banned and somehow that is a line some people are mad we might cross.

At this point, I am tempted to just log off and never log back on again. I would be legitimately interested if there was a desire to re-invest in this community and make it welcoming to people who might stumble across it seeking refuge from all the huge corporate viral social media sites; somewhere they could call home if they managed to come across it and want to make an account. I’d be willing to put in the work to help draft new community guidelines, assist with elections or appointments for new mods, whatever it might take to make it feel like the place belongs to anyone who wants to be there.

But as it stands now, the only mods are people who were modded 10 years ago, the newest new member joined 2 years ago, and almost no one wants to start any topics that touch anything serious because some dickwad is gonna come in and talk about how actually SJWs are ruining america or some shit.

I don’t like feeling like a part of this site that sort of just exists as a nod to some heyday from like 15+ years ago. I’m ready to let it go, but I would rather either pull the plug on it or try to make significant changes so it has a chance to be a refuge to someone else. As it is now, it just seems kind of sad.

I’m DOUBLE emo about it because I am really really frustrated by the fact that in 2020 it seems like there is NO way to engage with people that isn’t being filtered by corporate-owned social media platforms, and they are less interested in helping people form healthy relationships and more interested in what can go viral and make them more money.

I can’t imagine being a teen right now trying to form friendships in this landscape. I had hoped to make an effort to go back to this small forum this past year to kind of get that small niche interaction but.. well, you know, now This. I’m just frustrated all around.

I still have a few outlets. I live with my roommate of like 10 years, I have a girlfriend (who lives in texas RIP), I have made a lot of friends in the Tales of Symphonia speedrun community and a few from cosplay, I have a couple IRL friend circles. But... I don’t know; I am missing this kind of purely online, niche community. And maybe that’s fine and they just don’t exist anymore, but that was such a huge part of my social sphere growing up that I don’t really know how to make up for that now?

I miss doodling some amateurish fanart, posting it on DeviantArt as a host and then putting it on this forum where like 2-3 friends who were also amateurish artists would comment on how nice the shading was and post their own art in their own art threads. Now it feels like, okay I can put it on twitter or wherever but I’m competing with professionals who do this for a living.

I need to find new communities that are healthy for me, and I am trying to grapple with the fact that it definitely will look different from how it did in 2006, but that’s okay if I can still meet people and grow from it.

[EDIT: I did try the fandom discord server thing but wew... man any server with overlike 50 people in it just turns into the equivalent of a subreddit real fast. I dunno. If your sole engagement with these people is about how much you both like X thing, it stops being meaningful pretty fast I think? Maybe I’m just being old and grouchy. But I’ve left or muted virtually every fandom specific discord I’m in. The only ones I’m active on are the Tales Speedrun discord and uhhhh... hm that’s about it.]

[for-ests]

Dizzy On The Comedown- Colin Ritman x Reader

word count: 2,115 // warnings: near death experience? Idk- I hope you like it though! Especially the anon who requested. 

Request: Colin pre-bandersnatch being controlled by a player and following his journey of how he broke free. Maybe he gets angry because the player keeps forcing him to be rude and mean to a rival programmer who is a complete sweetheart. Colin knows he loves her but it hurts him to hurt her, so he keeps trying to figure out what's going on until the player chooses something drastic (like "kill her"?) and Colin finally snaps and fights the player's choice.

—❣—

The moment Colin realized he was in the hole, was when he felt compelled to kill the girl he loved for no other reason than for the satisfaction of the person controlling him.

Sometimes he thought he was crazy, but this compulsion definitely crossed the line. He would not do it. The boy simply refused.

Yet it was incredibly hard to resist. Whatever entity that was controlling him from afar was relentless. They seemed far too excited to see him murder the girl he loved in cold blood. It was satanic.

Y/N was a smart girl. They had discussed his problems many times before, but Colin knew she failed to completely believe his rants and theories.

That was, until she saw the change in his posture while she was looking into his eyes. It seemed in that moment, when he lurched for the knife right after he confessed his love to her, she instantly knew what he was struggling against.

Y/N didn’t even have enough time to blink.

“Colin... what are you doing?” She asked in horror as his head jerked to the side.

“I-I’m not in control, Y/N.” His arms began to tremble. He stumbled to the counter, veins bulging out of his skin as he tried to resist the command. “Get out of here, now!”

It had been weeks since the last compulsion. Colin thought he had broken free, yet this whole time someone was watching and waiting for this moment.

For the first time in his life, he was genuinely terrified.

Colin’s relationship with Y/N had started out rocky, against his own judgment and will.

All he ever wanted was to be kind, to prove his fondness to the intelligent girl who for some reason... had a soft spot for him.

Yet his remarks came out snappy, sarcastic, and in most times just plain rude. Colin would try to make up for his Freudian slips with gifts and kind gestures that most definitely confused the hell out of her.

Y/N was the kindest person he had ever met. And her talent was not overshadowed by her abundant personality. She was Colin’s opposite, yet, they complimented each other. It was refreshing to have a face that was always smiling in the office— even if she was technically competing against him. Everyone loved the sweet girl, every male in the office was infatuated with her. Y/N was beautiful, headstrong, and surprisingly, willing to date him. Though that part took some time.

Colin did not deserve her. He was all too familiar with that thought. Maybe she was smart enough to see past his facade. Maybe she secretly knew what he was dealing with. Either way, she would never engage with his snarky comments. Y/N would just smile and roll her eyes.

(Tell her you like it // tell her what’s wrong with it)

“The graphics aren’t sitting right with me-“ Colin blurted before he could properly think about what Y/N had created. He instantly felt shame the moment he gazed at her crestfallen expression.

“Im still working on it.” She sighed dramatically. “I like your work Colin. I don’t see why you can’t like mine as well, even if it’s not perfect.”

Y/N had a habit of overshadowing his rudeness with compliments, always making him feel guilty when in reality, all he wanted to do was to make her feel beautiful. He had never been so compelled to cherish somebody. And now that he finally fancied someone, the universe would not have it. Not one bit.

“I’m sorry.” Colin said immediately after she finished. “I didn’t mean it.”

“Then what did you mean?” Y/N waited patiently for him to explain himself. She was always considerate of others. She never grew quick to anger, even after his insults. It surprised Colin, and frankly, caused his infatuation to grow stronger.

“I meant the graphics are sitting well with me.”

“Sure you did.” The girl eyed him cautiously.

“You’re a talented artist, Y/N. I mean it.” He rested his hand gently on her shoulder. Colin felt her relax slightly under his touch.

He wanted more of her. He wanted all of her, and that was all he had in his hindsight.

Colin remembered that realization every time he felt another rude remark creep along his tongue. He tried desperately to remind himself that he wanted to take care of her. He wanted her to be happy.

It was so hard to fight against the invisible force. But still, he persisted. Colin was proud of himself, knowing he had succeed for the last two weeks. Y/N had trusted him enough to accept his confessed feelings as genuine and true. Things between them were going more than great. He was able to ignore the urges, the voices inside his head, his sadistic thoughts that he refused to believe were his. Colin pushed them far away and instead, showered her with attention.

Yet every once in awhile, an itch would spread across his skin like a wildfire. And frankly, Colin was sick and tired of it. He was on his last limb.

To fight against whatever was trying to control him, Colin wore his heart on his sleeve and asked Y/N out. It was terrifying to make his true feelings known, especially when his previous actions contradicted what he really felt inside.

Her smile made up for everything. As soon as the confession was known, Y/N’s eyes twinkled brighter than Colin had ever seen before. Why could he not make her feel like that all the time? Why was an invisible presence so insistent to keep them apart?

“Yes.” The young woman glanced away with a flustered expression. She swayed nervously under the fluorescent lighting, wondering why he hadn’t said anything.

“Yes—what?” He asked, blinking away the demands from above. They could wait until this moment was over.

Y/N’s attention snapped back to him. The shade of her cheeks darkened, and just like that—she was cautious. “To be your girlfriend… That’s what you were asking for… right?”

“Oh,” Colin exhaled roughly. He scratched the back of his neck to relieve the tension that was pressing against his chest. “Yes, that was intended.”

The woman nodded, her brief look of fear vanishing at the confirmation. “Are you alright though?” Y/N’s voice was soft and endearing. It was so refreshing to Colin to know that such a gentle tone was concerned with his well-being. “You zoned out for a second.”

“Nervous.” He admitted, wrapping his arms around her to attempt at silencing the worries that were swirling around in their minds. “It’s alright now though, you’re mine.” He whispered, relaxing into her tight embrace. It was an embrace that promised endless love, a conviction that few possessed.

Maybe Colin was feeling this way because the universe knew he did not deserve such a wonderful woman. But if that were the case, then why was the universe compelling him to hurt her, for absolutely no reason?

The day Colin made things official flashed through his mind as the sound of shattering glass pierced through the silence.

All Y/N had done was drop her wine glass. It was an easy clean up, she even offered to replace the glassware. The woman was calm, only frantically apologizing from her own embarrassment. She knew in her heart that Colin wouldn’t be bothered.

Her posture was relaxed. Things had gone smoothly since that night in the office. Colin knew that, and prayed that his episodes would disappear forever. The blonde man had hoped to walk into the kitchen and help her clean the mess. But as soon as he crossed the threshold into that room, everything changed. Colin suddenly saw red, his fists clenching at his sides.

His footsteps caused Y/N to lift her head. Her composed nature sent his blood boiling.

(Hit her // Kill her for the trouble)

“I’m sorry.” Y/N’s sweet tone filled the silence. If Colin wasn’t being controlled, that would have been all it took to have his allegiance.

Colin’s head jerked to the side as he felt the decision being made for him. They wanted him to kill the woman he loved. “Y/N-” He managed to choke out in warning. “You need to get out of here.”

“Why?” She squeaked in alarm, jumping to her feet once she analyzed his state. Colin stumbled forward, the veins in his neck bulging out as he resisted the command.

“Leave!” He hissed, reaching his hand out towards the knife set. The man winced, the piercing sound of the knife echoing in the air as he slid it from its holder. “I’m not in control.” He coughed, his resistance becoming painful. It was like he couldn’t breathe, as if someone had placed thousands of pounds on his chest.

“I’m not leaving!” Y/N took a step closer, eyes wide in fear for his life—and not her own.

Colin fell to his knees, the knife cold against his fingers. He felt his stomach fall when he met Y/N’s determined eyes.

“I’m going to kill you! They are making me!” He yelled, forcing the knife away from her with all his might. Colin was trembling as he struggled to drop the blade. He had to. He loved Y/N. He would rather die himself than harm her in any way.

The woman hovered over his hunched frame. She could tell he was serious. Y/N could sense the affliction in the air. Colin’s movements were erratic, his words forced and choked. She could practically see two large hands squeezing his windpipe. All the tagents he had been on were starting to finally make sense. Sometimes he was not in control of his decisions. And this was one of them, at the most dangerous degree.

“Then what does me trying to escape have to do with it? I can’t escape you Colin. You’ll have to kill me.” Y/N attempted to keep her voice from wavering. She was still in shock from the sudden change in his behavior. Just a second ago, everything was fine. Everything was perfect.

Colin’s mouth went dry. “Please....”

“Fight it.” Her voice lowered. ‘Fight them.”

Colin’s free hand shot out and gripped the side of the counter, yet the knife stayed pointed in front of him. He felt his face grow hot, sweat dripping down his back. He had to break free, he had to get out.

“DO IT!” Y/N screamed, and Colin winced at the harshness laced within her tone. She wanted to reach out and hold him. There were tears in his eyes, expression broken and afraid. The woman had never seen him cry. She didn't even know what to think, with a knife pointed at her chest.

Y/N sank to the floor beside him. That was all she could rationalize. Colin had to break out of it himself. And all she could do was sit back and watch, hoping she wouldn’t die in the process.

“Drop the knife.” She met his eyes.

Before she could process his movements, Colin raised the knife and threw it directly at her. Y/N tried to bring her arms up in attempt to protect her face, and felt the cold metal fly past her ear. Her heart stopped beating as she heard the blade lodge itself in the drywall. Once the room fell silent, she realized Colin had thrown the knife, missing her head by less than a centimeter.

“It’s over.” Colin stared down at his hands. No longer anticipating commands. The stiffness that had infested his muscles had vanished without a trace.

“Are you sure?” Y/N exhaled, turning to glance at the blade that jetted out as a reminder.

Colin nodded, swallowing roughly. He was hesitant to reach out and touch her, but eventually brought her into an embrace. After it all, she still leaned into his hand, relishing in the sensation she received.

“I’m so sorry…” He pleaded, brushing his fingers along her cheek. Colin drew her into a passionate kiss, finishing as he rested his chin on the top of her head. Her breathing was still quick, but she crawled onto his lap, content with staying on the floor for a few minutes. Y/N was still too frazzled to stand up and pretend her life was not threatened.

Her vision was still cloudy from enduring fight or flight mode. She felt incredibly dizzy on the comedown, finding her comfort in Colin’s arms.

“It’s okay.” Y/N insisted, looping her arms around his neck for good measure. The woman was still not fond of the concerned expression he wore. Colin had never felt so guilty in his entire life. “You broke free. It’s okay now.”

Colin did not reply, his gaze still averted in shame. He almost lost her. And he may not be able to forgive himself for it. Y/N knew him well enough to know what he was thinking. She kissed him again, resting her nose against his.

“Look at me, Colin.” She managed to smile. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

[wickymicky]

i know people really want dreamcatcher to get their first win here but idk yall im not sure its possible :/ 

first of all, i’m not entirely sure this is the kind of song that will go viral enough to win? like, if they were already big and had already had many music show wins, this would win some, but for a group to break into that elite club of groups-with-music-show-wins it has to really go absolutely viral, i guess. like, correct me if i’m wrong, but everglow hasnt even won with adios and that song has been doing incredibly well. unfortunately, you really do kinda need something like a momoland bboom bboom that just blows wayyyyyy up in order to break into that echelon nowadays, it seems. that, or you start from an already huge company. 

second... dc really only has a week to try, cause twice is coming back soon and like twice could put out a complete dud of a track and it’d still win music show awards because of how many fans they have. like even if every fan that they have listens to it and hates it, the mere act of their fans listening to it once would probably be enough to win on a music show hahaha. and like... it’s twice... so it probably won’t be a dud, it’ll probably be a huge bop and do really well lol. 

like i’m not saying anything negative about dreamcatcher here, i just mean it’s a rough time to come back. to be fair though, i’m not really sure when a good time will be... cause if they did it a month ago they would have competed with red velvet and everglow, and a month before that it woulda been itzy, and so on and so on. a month from now... who knows? and that’s just girl groups lol, i dont even really know what boy groups have been promoting and winning shows recently, but i bet they’re pretty tough competition. kpop is booming right now, there’s almost no optimal times for a smaller group to try to break through when all the big names are on break... cause there’s so many big names now that there will always be a bunch performing at any given time. 

i know we all want our faves to get their first wins.... but it takes a lot. and i think in the coming years we’ll probably see some restructuring of how the kpop industry operates because of this. loona, my ult ult ult group, is hopefully gonna come back sometime soon, and they’re bigger than they ever have been before and there’s a lot of hype surrounding them that they’re gonna be able to capitalize on... but i kinda don’t think it’ll be enough even for a group on the rise like them. not only will two or three big names also be promoting whenever loona comes back, but also just... the industry does seem pretty skewed towards groups that have already proven themselves and gotten many wins.

my point is not that we should give up lol, my point is that we might have to redefine what markers of success are... we might see that kind of thing happening in the next couple years. honestly, getting second or third over and over is a huge statement and worth celebrating too, so that’s a really noble goal to shoot for. but i dont even just mean that. i don’t have a perfect solution lol i’m just a tumblr blogger, i don’t know how to fix an oversaturated industry... but i wonder what will happen. oversaturation isnt even a bad problem imo, the more music the merrier haha. i just mean that the amount of importance placed on the #1 isn’t as meaningful anymore in an era with a million groups and artists promoting at any given time lmao, and that’s okay, that’s not a bad thing. kpop is big enough now that we might even see music shows catering to specific subgenres or popularity levels too, who knows!

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

so this is my first year successfully surviving to week 2 of inktober after years of not managing anything before. and i realized that theres some stuff that i learned that might make things easier for other ppl who were having trouble with inktober too. (or any other month long projects, like huevember and such)

work small. your drawings do not need to be full scale fully realized works

work simple. detail is going to eat up your time. honestly if a concept looked like it was gonna take more than 2 hours to complete, i just filed it away for after october. that way i could still do that idea justice. i generally didnt spend more than an hour on a piece.

plan early. pick a theme that will be easy to follow and still allows you to be creative (like i picked minimalist demon girls/girls with antlers and all the drawings are variations of that). if you’re going to do a fandom one or a genre one, make sure you know well in advance. i planned a week ahead but didnt start until about two days before.

stick to one style. this helps with planning and with deadlines

plan your tools. this is one that doesnt seem like its gonna be big but it is. are you going to do ink washes? are you going to stick to micron pens? are you adding paint? brush pens? colored ink? if you know ahead of time what you’re doing, you can plan within those limitations. pick a limited palette with limited tools so you can stay on task

get a day ahead. something WILL come up and and youll be glad you didn’t miss a day. i try to stay two days ahead because of how unreliable my functioning is. this took a lot of the stress off. this is also really important if you’re someone who has limited access to tools like a scanner or editing software or has frequent tech complications

unless you are someone who flourishes with prompts, don’t do prompt lists. they put a lot of extra pressure on you to do things in a certain order and at a certain rate and even may lead to you subconsciously competing with your peers. if its your first year, you don’t need the extra pressure. if you like prompts though, go for it! 

set reasonable goals. i had no idea what i was going to do so my goal was to do at least 10! im doing way more than that now but only because i didn’t set the bar too high and burn out immediately 

have some fall back sketches. i did about 20 thumbnails (1 or 2 inch concept doodles) and out of them there were 5 that i liked enough that if i get really stuck, i can do one of those instead. its nice to know i wont be sitting there lost if i have a slow creativity day.

if daily is too much, knock it down to twice a week, if thats too much, knock it down to weekly, if thats too much, try just two drawings this month. it’s not a contest. theres not a prize. its for fun and artistic growth

lastly, not all of these have to be award winning works. im not proud of every piece ive done. i have a few favorites i may turn into prints but not all of them. rn its more important to me to produce work than to like it.

[misterrightscenarios]

Flowers and a Flower Boy

Minghao is done with his best friends running circles around each other, so he sets them up for a date at the most aesthetic place he can think of: a rose garden at Ilsan Lake Park.

△ 1,999 words | fluff | oneshot | college student!Mingyu | requested by: anon | flower boy date game | beta by: @regal-kleio​ & @ccarats​ (thanks for helping me brainstorm on this one bb <33)

i’m sorry this took so long my dear T-T i kind of twisted it a lil bc i got carried away with the whole park (yo it’s so pretty???) but i hope you like this! <333 (you sound adorable btw im dying). This also concludes the flower boy date game! thank you to everyone who participated and shared a lil bit of themselves for these stories!

The hour and a half train ride from Gangnam to Ilsan gave you plenty of time to curse Minghao to the pits of hell and back. He had lured you out of the comfort of your home and into the humid late-spring air with promises of a fun-filled best friend day, complete with aesthetic pictures, and food. At no point had he mentioned that Mingyu--tall, obnoxiously good-looking, Mingyu--would be joining you.

You had been none the wiser until you’d arrived at the train station, only to be met by Minghao joking around with the very man you made a point to avoid. You took note of the fact that they were both dressed to the nines--wearing button up shirts and slacks, with each of them putting their usual unique twists to their similar outfits. It made you glad Minghao had at least been kind enough to inform you that there was a dress code for the day, so you wouldn’t feel like a shlump in comparison to the two tall males.

The greetings had been awkward, as always, with you and Mingyu avoiding each other’s gazes and Minghao sighing in exasperation as he led the way to the platform, muttering under his breath.

Now the three of you were sitting in the train, your eyes glued to the window while Minghao and Mingyu chatted away. The entire time you were cursing at Minghao in your head, glaring at the dark haired boy whenever Mingyu wasn’t looking, only to be scolded by one of the other’s reproachful looks which you knew was a sign to “behave, please.”

The trip seemed to last an eternity—even with the switching of trains you still felt trapped by Mingyu’s presence.

It wasn’t that you really held any animosity towards the brown-haired boy, after all, he was kind and funny, and almost charming to a fault. But at the end of the day, he was best friend’s with Minghao, your best friend, and the last thing you wanted to was to complicate or strain their friendship.

Given that, it was easier to pretend you disliked Mingyu—to try to find flaws in all of his actions and vehemently refuse any feelings of attachment. Mingyu, on the other hand, had never done the same to you; his smiles remained kind, he still tried to include you in conversations, but it all ended in him being shot down time and time again.

You’d never bothered to ask Minghao about the situation, because you knew how highly he valued his friendships. You knew he would hold a grudge against anyone that ever dared to mess with those for him. It kept you quiet, and kept you pretending you simply had a disliking for Mingyu.

Still, try as you might, you couldn’t fully ignore him. His laughter often echoed in any space he occupied, his voice soothing in its own muted quality. It reminded you of everything warm and made you desperate to drop your pretense so that you could be the one to hear every word he spoke.

Instead you settled for listening in, keeping your face as blank as you could manage and hoping Minghao would keep him talking.

It was around midday when the three of you finally arrived at Ilsan, with Minghao still being quiet as a mouse about your destination.

It was only a short walk from the station, but you should’ve guessed where you were heading, given that Minghao had been bugging you to go for weeks now. He’d dragged you all to Ilsan Lake Park for the international flower festival, and you couldn’t but feel the excitement bubbling. Despite the fact that you were upset with Minghao, you were at least glad he hadn’t lied to you about the reasons you should come out on such a pretty day.

The three of you set out towards the grounds, with you  walking slightly ahead of the two friends to look at vendors and what their stalls had to offer. You could already hear the shutter of Minghao’s camera going off, so you were a little more mindful of the way you were holding yourself.

About half an hour later, while you grabbed some food from a vendor, Minghao started shuffling, sighing every other second. You could feel his eyes going back and forth between you and Mingyu, but you studiously ignored him, chatting away with the vendor instead.

“Oh, look, an artist!” Both you and Mingyu turned to look at Minghao, who was slowly stepping away. His mouth was twitching in a way in you knew meant he was trying to bite back laughter, and you instantly turned suspicious.

“Wait, lets get food then we can all go,” Mingyu told him, sounding a little exasperated with the other male.

Minghao grinned now, “nah, I think you two could use some...bonding time. I’ll go off on my own. I’ll meet you back at the entrance at six?” He was full on stepping back now, weaving between bodies of tourists. You stared at him in chagrin, your eyes promising payback if he really left you alone with Mingyu.

“Hao?”

“Enjoy your date!” He said, waving with one of his signature giggles, disappearing into the crowd.

You were left to gape after him, completely in disbelief that your best friend could just abandon you when, as far as he was concerned, you and Mingyu were as good as strangers.

Next to you, Mingyu seemed just as frozen, broken sounds of protest coming from him. Once you gathered enough ire, you huffed, looking at him but refusing to meet his eyes. “Let’s go find him.” Your voice was hard, and you were ready to find the Chinese boy and drag him back to Gangnam by his ear.

Mingyu’s warm hand wrapping around your wrist stopped you, and you opened your mouth to protest, but were too caught off guard by his expression. It was a mix between hesitation and hopefulness, strangely reminding you of a puppy.

“What are you doing?” You asked cautiously, looking at his hand. Mingyu dropped his hold immediately, folding his arms behind his back and pursing his lips while he found his words.

“Well...he’s not wrong. I don’t know what I did to make you dislike me, but…I don’t think the same of you. Maybe if we spent some time together, you might find I’m not that awful?” His words were chosen carefully, you could tell, but there was still an underlying tone of hope.

You sighed, glaring at the spot off to the side of Mingyu at your dilemma. You didn’t want to call yourself out, but the guilt was eating at you now. Mingyu really hadn’t done anything wrong, per say, and it did seem extremely rude to continue acting the way you had. Then again, you really didn’t want to end up liking spending time with him so much that you forgot why you weren’t allowing yourself to act on your infatuation.

In the end, your guilt won, making your shoulders droop. “Listen, it’s not that I particularly dislike you.” You started, hesitating when you saw Mingyu tilt his head in question. “I just…”

You bit back a groan of frustration and missed to yourself. “Alright, fine, let’s leave Hao to fend for himself. I hope he gets lost.” You grumbled, starting to move away from the vendor.

Mingyu laughed a little, catching up to you in a few easy strides. He seemed a little more relaxed now, his hands tucked into the pockets of his slacks. “He’s probably off to be a pretentious little prick,” he jabbed, but you could hear the genuine affection behind his words. It made your guard come down a little, and you couldn’t quite hide the small little laugh at his joke.

Mingyu was looking forward, but he was hiding his own smile too, it seemed.

Slowly, as you both walked along the path, you felt yourself giving in more and more into Mingyu’s soft personality, letting his laughter coax out your own and his soft brown eyes lure you into speaking in tangents.

You learned more about Mingyu than you’d ever thought you would: how he loved to take photos, how he adored his little dog, how well he got along with Minghao, and how much he’d like to have a fashion line of his own one day. In turn, you spilled just as much about yourself, letting him know of your love for art, how you also enjoyed fashion and photography.

The two of you walked off to the flower exhibitions later, your arms brushing now as you continued to question each other; it was around this time that it started to dawn on you that you were becoming helpless to your infatuation towards Mingyu, and that maybe you should start considering the possibility that Minghao left the two of you alone for that very same reason.

“Hey, stand right there,” Mingyu was pushing you gently by your shoulders towards a large arrangement of flowers, his grin wide. “A pretty backdrop for a pretty human.”

You tried to pretend your cheeks weren’t trying to compete with the color of the flowers behind you, and just allowed Mingyu to place you in front of the flower display. He grabbed his phone from his pocket, and you stepped forward with a frown.

“Shouldn’t I give you my phone instead?” You asked him, brows furrowing.

Mingyu grinned again, his eyes sparkling. “it’s okay, I want to remember this too.” He said, ducking his head for a moment and pursing his lips nervously. “Our first date.” He added, so low you almost thought you’d misheard him.

His hopeful wide eyes and tentative smile, however, told you it wasn’t your ears playing tricks on you and you could only duck your head, trying to come up with some sort of response.

“Is...is that okay?” he asked carefully, crouching a little to get your eyes to meet his, and only then straightening back up to his full height.

Your breath hitched a little, and losing yourself in the chocolate brown of his eyes and the pretty curve to his lips, you nodded your response. You swore you had never seen such a bright smile from the man in front of you for the entire time you’d known him, and you wondered if you hadn’t been as concerned with your friendship with Minghao, as you had been with the idea of Mingyu not reciprocating the interest.

The rest of the day ended up being a blur of pictures, eating food and trying to learn as much as you could about each other. At some point, Mingyu even bought you a flower crown, gently placing it atop of your head and letting you know he’d buy himself one too if it made you embarrassed to walk around with it.

(In the end, he bought one too, because you insisted that your pictures would come out much more aesthetic if you were both wearing flower crowns.)

When the sun was finally setting, the both of you ran into Minghao, whose arms were laden with bags of trinkets, and whose grin was smug when his eyes locked onto your arm tucked into Mingyu’s elbow.

“Had fun, did we?” he teased, tilting his head cockily.

You glared a little, but there was no venom behind it. Instead you were grateful to your best friend, for throwing you to the sharks this one time. “So did you, I see.” You teased back, raising an eyebrow at his bags.

Minghao shrugged, eyes sparkling even in the semi-darkness. “Yes I did. Now let’s go get food before I die.”

Both you and Mingyu shared a look, a playfully exasperated grin, and the three of you went off again, this time with your heart feeling much light than it had in the morning, all thanks to the man who looked at you as you walked and threw you a cheesy grin, and a playful wink.