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appleflavoredkitkats · 4 years ago

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Manipulation of the Most Vulnerable

An Analysis of Fundy’s Dream in Las Nevadas Episode 3

i. INTRODUCTION

This essay is going to be analyzing the entirety of Fundy’s portion in Las Nevadas’ third episode. Like always, do not view this essay as gospel as I am not a flawless human being; I am merely giving my own personal opinions and thoughts about the scene. Additionally, all the people referred to in this essay pertains to the content creators’ fictional counterparts on the Dream SMP.

If you enjoy the essay, or just want to support me in general, reblogging the essay will mean so much to me! I work hard on these essays, so I do hope you get to enjoy them.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: manipulation, mentions of past violence, terrible mental states, possibly c!Quackity critical, insecurities, and self-worth issues

ii. QUACKITY’S BLATANT MANIPULATION AND THE DREAM SEQUENCE

What is a Legacy?

Legacy (ˈle-gə-sē)

“Something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.”

As we begin discovering one’s purpose in life, naturally, we do anything in our power to fulfil them. But as we begin to do more, to get closer and closer to achieving our sense of purpose in this world, sometimes we have to ask ourselves: Is it enough? How much have I truly changed and impacted through my life’s purpose? Will what I do be deemed worthy enough for people to remember me by? Is this my legacy?

What is a legacy?

If you are a Hamilton fan like me, you might look at that and respond with “it’s planting seeds in a garden we never get to see.” But truly, what is a legacy? Can our legacies simply be defined by everything we’ve achieved in our lifetime no matter how big or small they might be, or is it defined by creating notable shifts in society that people will remember you by for centuries and centuries?

[full essay is under the cut! it’s 7k words :0]

To Quackity, your legacy is what something history remembers you by. Quackity is a very caring man, and at first, he believed he could guarantee his safety through pacifism. But after his conversation with Wilbur, he realized that the only way he can gain peace is through power, and to gain power, one has to be violent. That is the only way he could make a change in the Dream SMP, to guarantee his safety. He has to make as much noise as possible before he can finally lay low and rest.

And if his plans do succeed, if he can finally bring peace in the SMP despite achieving it through very torturous means, then he can have a wondrous legacy people can remember him by. To me, I’m not exactly sure if he prioritizes his safety through gaining power or his legacy more, but either way, a great legacy may be a byproduct of his plans for peace if executed correctly.

If he succeeds in creating a positive legacy for himself, a positive legacy for Las Nevadas, then there is a chance that he may guarantee that other people who join him may have a similar legacy as well.

This is what he promises to Foolish, Purpled, and Fundy. These three, in Quackity’s eyes, are people with the potential of being something, but have stayed on the sidelines for too long. So, knowing that the entire SMP has lacked recognition and respect for these three members, Quackity gives them a misleading ultimatum: Join Quackity and have a chance to finally be highly recognized in the SMP, or deny his request and become nothing.

The truth is, our legacies as human beings don’t have to be defined by how remembered we are if we don’t want it to be that way. But with Quackity’s charm and with how vulnerable Foolish, Purpled, and Fundy are, it’s easy for Quackity to make them believe whatever he tells them to believe.

Fundy’s Low Self-Worth

Out of the three, I think Fundy established his low sense of self-worth for the longest time. Ever since L’Manberg, it’s evident that Fundy didn’t like being infantilized by anyone. Despite this, Fundy is seen to appeal to any bout of recognition he can get. Whether it’d be Quackity giving him more recognition than Wilbur during the Elections, or Schlatt complimenting him on his hard work for Manberg, or him appreciating anyone who claims they want to adopt him, Fundy will easily appeal to recognition and praise. I’d even argue that he dictates his own self-worth depending on how much people give him recognition.

And now, with Fundy being the most isolated and alone he has ever been, he is very much vulnerable to, well, anything, really. If Quackity decides to manipulate Fundy to join Las Nevadas, he doesn’t have to do much. Even the smallest bouts of recognition, the smallest threats, the smallest anything can be enough to push him to do whatever Quackity wants because, again, Fundy is currently at his lowest state possible.

While I’ll discuss more on Quackity’s manipulation tactics later, we can easily denote how little Quackity did to make Fundy feel pressured enough to agree to his request. Fundy’s entire portion was literally thirteen minutes long. As much as Fundy stuttered and protested a bit when Quackity told him he didn’t matter, Fundy was mostly silent during the last few scenes.

Fundy depends on other people to dictate his self-worth, so when he’s the most alone he’s ever been, of COURSE he clings onto the first opportunity he gets to finally be remembered once again. No matter how many times he’s been warned by Phil and his dreams, no matter how much he can protest against Quackity, Fundy realizes that this is the best opportunity he can get to receive even an ounce of recognition.

Even if it is, well, fake. It’s better than nothing, he supposes.

Was the Quackity We Saw Real?

From what I’ve understood, I think that it is heavily implied that Fundy’s dream sequence will become a reality. At 1:16:42 of Quackity’s stream, Dream!Quackity says, “Fundy! My good ol’ friend, how’ve you been?” which is exactly the same thing the real Quackity says in 1:25:57.

Additionally, a lot of Quackity’s word choices in Fundy’s dream sequence make so much more sense if you applied them in real life. This is how I believed the entire dream sequence could be applied to reality: Fundy wakes up in the same home with Quackity outside of his door. They stroll through nature for a while before approaching the remains of L’Manberg. While their conversation about the decorations might’ve been done above the crater, I think that the entire Camarvan scene was set in Eret’s museum, something not too far away from the crater. Afterwards, the last scene takes place they return back to L’Manberg, entering Eret’s abandoned tower.

I’m going to list down everything said that could possibly hint that this dream sequence will happen in real life. There’ll also be some additional notes for certain quotes I’d love to expound on.

“Take a walk with me, take a little walk with me. Don’t you enjoy the fresh air? Don’t you enjoy the beautiful outdoors? I sure do.” - Quackity, 1:16:52-1:17:01

If we substitute the current scenery with where Fundy’s home actually is, I do think it makes a lot more sense as Fundy kind of lives in the middle of the woods.

“What do you mean ‘how am I here’, Fundy? I found you! It’s exactly what I wanted to do- was to find you. And you know- you’re a hard person to find. But I’m glad I found you!” - Quackity, 1:17:16-1:17:27

Fundy has recently built a new house in the middle of the woods and has not told anyone in the SMP about his whereabouts. Again, if you substitute the current scenery with Fundy’s actual home, then what Quackity’s saying makes a lot more sense.

“Fundy, don’t you enjoy the great outdoors? It feels so free! It feels so full of life, full of energy, don’t you think, Fundy?” - Quackity, 1:17:37-1:17:49

Something something, substitute the scenery with the forest Fundy lives in, something something.

“What is this place?”

“Fundy, you should know this place better than anyone. You should know it better than anyone, Fundy, what do you mean ‘what is this place’? You should know it better than anyone else, Fundy. You and me, actually! You don’t remember what this place is, what it means? Come on, don’t tell me you already forgot.” - Fundy and Quackity, 1:18:03-1:18-26

If this was set above the crater, this piece of dialogue also makes sense.

“What is all of this doing here? It was gone, it was blown up-”

“This was home, Fundy, it was home! No, Fundy, it’s always been here, we’ve always been here. You and me, we’ve always been here.” - Fundy and Quackity, 1:19:48-1:20:01

To explain the Camarvan- I do think that there’s a possibility that they entered Eret’s museum and viewed it from there. Additionally, Quackity’s response can still be applied in the real world if you interpret his statements as “Well, it’s blown up, but we still consider this place as home! ‘Home’ still exists, you know?��.

While we can’t fully confirm whether Fundy’s real meeting with Quackity went as it did in the dream, I do think that something would have happened in a similar fashion. After all, we did see Fundy at the end of Foolish’s stream “Las Nevadas - Dream SMP (LORE)” at Las Nevadas. Maybe he was also manipulated and offered the same thing Dream!Quackity offered in real life?

Quackity’s Manipulation

Here comes the juicy bit. If we assume that what Quackity did in Fundy’s dream will also happen in real life, then I will refer to everything in that dream as fact, okay? Now, I think it’s clear to everyone that Quackity is a really good manipulator. He is meticulous with his word choice and can make his statements sound believable through his charm.

I’ll try explaining all the tactics he uses here, then later, I’ll list down everything Quackity says and try to connect it back to different manipulation tactics I’ve mentioned.

The tactic Quackity uses the most is how he uses pronouns. When Quackity refers to himself with the “I” pronoun, he always seems to present as a good friend to Fundy, as Fundy’s savior. This can also be applied when he uses the “we” pronoun as he implies that certain accomplishments were only achieved when Fundy did it WITH Quackity. When he refers to Fundy using the “you” pronoun, he always does it to remind Fundy of certain mishaps and mistakes. As if to say that these awful situations were Fundy’s fault, not Quackity’s. This tactic is mostly used for victims of manipulation to believe that their manipulators are their saviors, that their manipulators can do no wrong. At the same time, they begin to doubt their own selves as their manipulators continuously associate these victims with negative words.

Another tactic Quackity uses is praise and speaking on behalf of Fundy. It doesn’t happen as much as the first tactic, but at certain parts, Quackity seems to be instructing Fundy what he’s feeling. That he doesn’t matter, that he won’t be remembered; you don’t even notice that Fundy barely even spoke in the dream sequence because Quackity mostly spoke on his behalf. Additionally, during the L’Manberg scenes, Quackity continuously praised Fundy. Not only does the constant praise butter Fundy up, but it also preys on Fundy’s insecurities. If Fundy depends on others to dictate his self-worth, then of COURSE Quackity praising Fundy could be easily seen as manipulation as Quackity uses Fundy’s insecurities for his own advantages.

Another tactic Quackity uses is that he constantly brings up their past of working together to make it seem like it’s them versus the rest of the world. Never has Quackity looked like the flawed person in the conversation. Never has Quackity brought up the fact that they’ve fought multiple times in New L’Manberg . Quackity made it seem like that the others were in the wrong, that they were both victims of unfortunate circumstances, but Quackity always remarked that they were able to make it through everything together.

Lastly, this is less frequent, but at certain parts of the sequence, Quackity outright ignores questions uttered by Fundy and changes the subject to talk about something else. Literally just ignored him. Do I even have to explain why Quackity ignoring Fundy could possibly be a manipulation tactic to make Fundy feel more inferior?

Now, there are probably more manipulation tactics I’ve missed, but granted, I am NOT in any way an expert and wouldn’t know the specifics when it comes to gaslighting. Even then, we can all agree that Quackity is, indeed, manipulating Fundy, and to further expound on this, I’m going to list down every single line or action done by Quackity and explain why they could be considered as manipulation.

I do want to mention that, when viewing some of these lines alone, they may not SEEM to be manipulative, but we also have to consider that successful manipulation and gaslighting is a gradual process. A single, harmless-seeming line can be damaging when you view the full scope of things.

“Fundy! My good ol’ friend, how’ve you been?” - Quackity, 1:16:42-1:16:46

A lot of the quotes here are going to follow the first tactic I’ve mentioned where Quackity continuously uses first-person pronouns to make Fundy think positively when it comes to Quackity, but uses second-person pronouns to antagonize Fundy.

“What do you mean ‘how am I here’, Fundy? I found you! It’s exactly what I wanted to do- was to find you. And you know- you’re a hard person to find. But I’m glad I found you! I think that’s the most important thing: that we are here together now. And I am finally speaking to you- I think that’s the greatest thing!” - Quackity, 1:17:16-1:17:35

This, I think, is the first comment from Quackity that screams “SUS.” While we can interpret it in a literal sense, we can also view it in a metaphorical sense. Quackity is claiming that Fundy is hard to find, but despite the difficulty, Quackity found him! Amongst everyone in the SMP, it’s Quackity who is the first to find him! That’s what Quackity wants Fundy to believe: that Quackity is his savior for finding him, that it’s better for Fundy to even be here WITH him. The “greatest thing”, apparently, is Quackity being able to speak to Fundy, and nothing else.

“Fundy, don’t you enjoy the great outdoors? It feels so free! It feels so full of life, full of energy, don’t you think, Fundy?” - Quackity, 1:17:37-1:17:49

While I’m not sure if this counts, I do think Quackity’s insistence that Fundy enjoys the great outdoors kind of implies that Quackity is speaking on behalf of Fundy. Additionally, he doesn’t even let Fundy reply to his question? At the beginning, he repeatedly asks Fundy how he is, but he never gives Fundy an opportunity to reply. Either Fundy seems too dazed out of thought, or Quackity immediately interrupts Fundy and says something else.

Now we get to the “you” pronouns. Quackity repeatedly insists that Fundy should have known better, or Fundy should have had better memory. This adds onto the idea that Quackity attributes positive ideas to himself, but whenever something’s wrong, he blames it on Fundy.

“You’re telling me you don’t remember that place right there? When we had the huge elections? Or how about… Fundy, do you remember when we tried to kill Technoblade and we failed? That’s where I got my scar! What about the festival? Do you remember the festival, Fundy? The balloons and the decorations. I never had anything to do with the decorations, Fundy, I- I just… sat back and watched people do it because I’m not good with decorations but… you know.” - Quackity, 1:18:29-1:19:05

Now, Quackity begins to remind Fundy about their joint past together. While not seemingly manipulative, Quackity is basically trying to remind Fundy that there are multiple instances in the past where they were allies, implying that now, they must still be allies. Quackity is trying to remind Fundy that they worked best when they were together, giving Fundy the impression that Quackity is someone to be trusted. It doesn’t help when later on, we realize that Quackity is doing all this sweet talk only for him to convince Fundy to join Las Nevadas. Additionally, during Quackity’s spiel, he continues to ignore a lot of Fundy’s remarks and questions.

“What about the elections? You were part of the elections, do you remember? You were- you ran for president too!”

“I did! And I got the worst votes. I did not even get close…”

“But you tried and I think that was the most important thing. You ran with Niki and you made the Coconut party.”

“Yeah! We tried.” - Quackity and Fundy, 1:19:14-1:19:36

Quackity’s buttering him up. Most people tend to ignore Fundy and Niki’s party in the elections, and I think this is the first time I’ve seen someone acknowledge it in a positive manner? Again, Fundy thrives when receiving recognition, so complimenting him is an easy way for Quackity to get Fundy to trust him. But of course, he has to keep compliments to a minimum because he doesn’t want Fundy feeling too confident about himself.

“Is that what I think it is? It’s the van, Fundy! Do you remember all the great memories we had in the van?”

“What is all this doing here? This is crazy!”

“No, this is home, Fundy! This is home.”

“What is all of this doing here? It was gone, it was blown up-”

“This was home, Fundy, it was home! No, Fundy, it’s always been here, we’ve always been here. You and me, we’ve always been here.” - Quackity and Fundy, 1:19:41-1:20:02

Quackity is asserting that a lot of good memories were born from the van. Granted, he does acknowledge that they’ve had some arguments in the van later on, but their conversation seemed too… optimistic. Quackity convinces Fundy that they’ve shared a lot of good experiences when they were in the van together even if we KNOW that in NLM, most of the time, they only used the van when they had to discuss an awful issue. But Quackity here is convincing him that them working together in this van was HOME to Fundy. He’s convincing Fundy that he can always find a home in their friendship when we know that’s probably false.

“The amount of times we came here when we were incredibly stressed, but we always- we always figured out a way, I mean, I guess.”

“We always figured out a way, Fundy, we always figured out a way.” - Fundy and Quackity, 1:20:15-1:20:26

And see? The manipulation is working. Fundy’s beginning to look at his past with a positive light because Quackity’s trying to convince him that all the experiences they’ve shared together are great. And Quackity agrees to Fundy’s statement! Again, he’s building up Fundy’s trust in Quackity by convincing him that their moments together in the past were all sunshine and rainbows.

“Oh that brings back memories- I mean, I don’t know if they’re good memories- It’s literally a drug lab, but… yeah, you know-”

“Everything is good memories, Fundy. All the experience and everything we did together. You know I wasn’t here for the start but I was sure part of everything, you know, towards the end, when it was all, you know, just blatantly destroyed. But it’s here now! That’s what matters is that it’s here, and that it’s never actually gone.” - Fundy and Quackity, 1:20:41-1:21:09

And here’s Quackity reaffirming that yes, every experience we had in the past is good, and that we should acknowledge them as good memories. Fundy seemed like he was going to doubt the goodness of his memories, but Quackity immediately interjects, convincing him that it is. He tells Fundy that their moments together is really all that matters. These so-called “good memories” still exist, and Quackity implies that these memories can still live on because their friendship is still as stable as it was in the past. Something something, Quackity convinces Fundy that their friendship is good so he can build trust and get Fundy to do whatever he wants later on, something something.

“Fundy do you remember when- when L’Manberg was destroyed? It was blown up to pieces!”

“Everything was gone. It was done multiple times. Every time it was reb-”

“There was nothing we can do about it. There’s nothing we can do about it- unless you can do something about it.” - Quackity and Fundy, 1:21:22-1:21:41

Now here’s where Quackity begins to ask something from Fundy. Here, Quackity’s seen leading Fundy to Eret’s tower, so you know things are about to go down. Here, Quackity implies Fundy can do something about this cycle of violence, but what Quackity wants Fundy to do seems kind of… vague. He’s leading Fundy on, motivating Fundy he can do something, but not mentioning what he can actually do. This is so that afterwards, when Quackity presents his plan, Fundy may believe that it may help stop the cycle of violence in the SMP. Additionally, Quackity implies that all of this depends on Fundy, so Fundy may feel obligated to accept the plan, but in reality, Quackity may be possibly recruiting Fundy for his own benefit.

“Look, look up! It’s a tower.”

“The amount of battles we’ve fought from up here… down on Dream and Technoblade as well.”

“Yeah, Fundy! You remember that, right?”

“Yeah, I do!”

“Remember all these things we did for our country. It was great!” - Quackity and Fundy, 1:21:52-1:22:13

This is like the millionth time Quackity asks if Fundy remembered a certain “good” experience they had, as if he really wanted Fundy to believe that they were genuinely good memories. And here, we finally see Fundy respond positively, now fully believing that these memories were, indeed, great. It seems like Quackity has finally gotten Fundy to trust him completely by this point.

“But you know what, Fundy? Those memories don’t matter. None of that matters, Fundy. All these structures, all these things we’ve built together- it’s here now, but it’s really gone! And none of it matters, nor will it ever matter. Fundy, if you think about it, YOU don’t matter.” - Quackity, 1:22:18-1:22:46

Here we go, boys. Quackity begins to reveal his true intentions to Fundy. Here, he practically confirms that he doesn’t actually think highly of those past experiences as much as he claimed he did earlier. Again, all of it was a ploy for him to get Fundy to trust him, and now, Quackity begins to reveal his true plans. Additionally, Quackity begins discussing legacies again, or I guess, his perception of what a legacy is. This view on legacies is honestly quite an awful perspective for Fundy as he already has trouble finding a sense of self-worth on his own. Now that Quackity is telling him that he’s nothing unless he does something about it, Fundy’s perception on self-worth will become even more skewed.

“Along with all these structures and everything in ‘em, you’re gonna fade away just like it. Do you see how the sand in the winds slowly deteriorates the structure that we stand upon right now? That’s what’s gonna happen to you, but it’s not gonna be sand and wind, it’s gonna be time, Fundy. It’s gonna be time. You don’t matter, Fundy, that’s what you have to realize. You WON’T matter if you don’t change things up. That’s why you’re in the position that you’re in right now.” - Quackity, 1:22:49-1:23-26

Again with the same legacy talk. As much as we know that Quackity is a master manipulator, I still wonder if he genuinely wants to provide Fundy a real legacy, or is trying to use Fundy to benefit his own legacy. Either way, no matter how genuine Quackity’s concerns are, this perspective on self-worth is still a toxic philosophy for someone like Fundy who needs to learn that self-worth depends on yourself and not some other factors like other people and legacies.

Also, gotta mention that he’s doing the pronoun switch again. He didn’t say “I think you don’t matter,” he says, “YOU don’t matter”. It’s very subtle, but Quackity switching pronouns means he’s trying to emphasize that these horrible things Fundy is experiencing is Fundy’s fault entirely.

“But, you know what? It doesn’t have to be that way, and I can help you. I have big plans, Fundy. I have big plans… and, you know what? As a fellow cabinet member, I wanna bring you in on these plans because I know the experience you have. I know what you’ve been through because I’ve been through it as well. You can change things and be something. You don’t have to end up like this structure: alone, destroyed, nothing else to it. Fundy, Fundy, all you have to do is join me. Join me in my projects. I’ll give you the tools to succeed. I’ll give you the tools to finally be someone because you’re nobody right now. Nothing’s gonna happen if you let time take you away, Fundy. I can help you be someone. You can join me, Fundy. You can join me in the things that I’m doing. And I know you have the capacity to do big things, but the way things are right now, you’re not gonna be anything. You’re never gonna be anything. You’re gonna end up just like this building. You’re gonna end up alone. You’re gonna let time take you away. You’re going to die, and no one is going to remember you… just like it happened in L’Manberg. You understand now what I’m saying Fundy?”

“What do you expect me to do? What do you expect me to do?”

“Take the tools that I’m giving you, Fundy. Take the tools and do something big. I’m offering them to you right now. You can have ‘em. You can be someone else. You can be someone big. Fundy, I’m gonna give you ten seconds to decide.” - Quackity and Fundy, 1:23:46-1:25:31

And this is quite long, but notice the shift in pronouns. When using “you” like in the previous quote, Quackity attributed it with something negative, but now he’s using “I” and he’s attributing it to something positive. He claims that while Fundy might be in a terrible position, Quackity can save him, can help him.

Additionally, Quackity is trying to speak on Fundy’s behalf once more. He claims that he understands, describing what Fundy might possibly feel like in thorough detail. Now that Fundy trusts him, Fundy can’t protest. Sure, he did utter a few murmurs, but by the end of Quackity’s spiel, he somewhat agrees.

And he offers him the misleading ultimatum: join Quackity, or you will be nothing. With the amount of times Quackity has planted that Fundy is the cause of his own demise and the amount of times Quackity poses as a solution to Fundy’s own problems, of COURSE Fundy feels pressured to accept the offer. Even if he was warned by the book, even if Fundy is possibly smarter than what he leads on, Fundy was extremely gaslit to the point where he thinks accepting the offer is the most ideal choice. And that’s what he (presumably) does. He accepts it.

iii. POSSIBLE SYMBOLISMS

Just like Fundy’s first Las Nevadas lore stream, this stream is also littered with possible symbolisms. So, I’ll try my best to explain them all.

Experience Points and Numbers

Now, I want to emphasize that as much as I am a mathematics nerd, I may be calculating this incorrectly. But anyway, Fundy is seen to have two different levels: 3 in the overworld, and 7 in his dream.

Let’s focus on the overworld first:

So, as much as I’d like to dig into the number 3, I do think we have to take note of the EXP more than the level Fundy’s on. To get to the third level, you’d need 27 EXP. To calculate for the remaining, we have to denote that he needs 13 EXP to get to the next level. We have to note down that approximately 15/18 bars are filled, so 15/18 of 13 is approximately 11. I can get more into detail about the extra few bars filled, but trust me, it results in the same number when we round it off anyway, so we don’t need to explain that. Anyway, 11 + 27 = 38. 38 is a very familiar number, don’t you think? It’s the number of potatoes Fundy had in the “Fundy’s Mind” stream!

According to angelnumber.org, the number 38 means the following:

“The combination of these two numbers makes the number 38 a number which signifies joy and optimism, courage, finding creative ways to materialize abundance, reality, etc.

The essence of the number 38 in numerology are different kind of relationships, such as romantic ones, business partnerships, teamwork, cooperation, diplomacy, etc.

Number 38 people have a talent for dealing with people in a caring and creative way. They are born team-workers. They need interaction with other people to fully enjoy their lives. They are usually optimistic and have a gift of inspiring others to action.”

Needing interaction from other people, they say? Interactions that even come from people like business partners? And afterwards, they can materialize abundance, like financial success?

Besides that, if we connect the number 38 to gambling, 38 is very prominent in a game of roulette as in the American style of roulette, there are thirty-eight pockets in one wheel.

Now, what about Fundy’s level in the dream?

We can think of 7 as somewhat of a lucky number when it comes to poker as it connects to the lucky number 7 in slot machines.

If we want to look more into this, we gotta calculate for the EXP. To get to the seventh level, we need 91 EXP. To calculate for the remaining EXP, we have to denote that we need 21 EXP to get to the eighth level. Approximately, 8/18 bars are filled up, so we have to find the 8/18 of 21. 8/18 of 21 = 9.33333, or rounded off, it’s 9. Add 9 to 91, we get the perfect number 100.

According to angelnumber.org, the number 100 means the following:

“The angel number 100 signifies infinite potential, self – determination, isolation, wholeness, self – sufficiency and independence.

People who resonate with this number are very independent and self –sufficient.

They enjoy exploring new things and gaining knowledge. They don’t mind being alone and doing the things they enjoy. This number brings them leadership qualities and openness.”

This is interesting because the meaning here completely contradicts the meaning of the number 38. To me, I feel like this represents how Fundy is able to heal and to overcome his self-worth issues. He may feel like he needs to depend on other people, but in reality, Fundy’s self-worth can completely be honed by himself. This represents a Fundy who is finally able to find the true worth in himself without depending on other people’s input. But for now, this reality remains in Fundy’s head, in Fundy’s dreams, and he needs to find a way to make this become his true reality.

Additionally, going back to the gambling motif, 100 is the highest possible poker chip one can have when gambling. This can direct back to Fundy’s connections to Quackity, the person with the highest authority in Las Nevadas.

Color Symbolism (The Importance of Orange)

I’ve established this in an essay in the past, but orange is an important color to Fundy. If I remember correctly, cc!Fundy’s favorite color is orange, so I’d like to believe that, for Fundy, orange would represent “happiness” or “safety”.

The first time we see orange in his portion is actually outside of his dream: his bed.

And it’s quite interesting because in Fundy’s “Fundy’s Mind” stream, these three beds all used to be orange. From my understanding, these two extra beds were meant to represent two other people Fundy may consider as friends. In the “Fundy’s Mind” stream, Fundy showed that only Ranboo and Niki were online, implying that the two extra beds were for them. If orange is meant to represent happiness, then it's implied he viewed Niki and Ranboo as his source for happiness.

But now, the two beds next to him are white, implying that he lost his sources of happiness. As if he had stopped communicating with Niki and Ranboo entirely.

Other places we see orange are in the dream itself.

Instead of the typical yellow sand desert we expect from Fundy’s dreams, we see a badlands biome. Yes, the name of the sand is “Red Sand”, but I don’t care because it just LOOKS orange, okay? It’s interesting that instead of yellow, the desert poses as Fundy’s favorite color. Orange is a safe color for Fundy, but we also have to remember that this is still a desert. Under the guise of Fundy’s favorite color is something that represents isolation and loneliness - fitting for a stream that’s about manipulation, no?

Additionally, on the way to the ruins of L’Manberg, Fundy and Quackity are guided with blue lanterns.

Blue is orange’s complementary color. We can think of it as orange’s opposite, representing everything that orange does not represent for Fundy. So, if blue can represent something that isn’t happiness and safety, and Quackity is leading Fundy to follow these blue lanterns, then these blue lanterns can be seen as a sign of deceit, of danger. And Fundy follows them anyway.

Entering the Camarvan

This was incredibly subtle, but I find it interesting that Quackity was able to open the Camarvan’s doors when Fundy has mentioned he was never able to do it in his own dreams. This can lead back to the idea that Quackity wants to present himself as someone great, as someone akin to a savior to Fundy. Because if Fundy can’t access the Camarvan in his dreams, and Quackity can, then he might view Quackity as superior in some way. He’s weak, he can’t do anything, but Quackity can, so naturally, he thinks of him as superior.

In the Shadows

This one is the most obvious, but by the end of Fundy’s portion, Quackity is seen slowly inching closer and closer to the shadows. To me, this represents that Fundy isn’t going to be uplifted by Quackity’s offer at all. Quackity is literally dragging him into the shadows even more, which is ironic considering the fact that he stated that he will help Fundy become more recognized. But the metaphor speaks volumes: Quackity is going to pull Fundy into a dark, dark place. His offer isn’t as nice as it sounds, and Fundy needs to be incredibly careful.

Hiding His Inventory

When Fundy wakes, he completely hides his inventory. He does this a lot throughout the stream, and while I don’t want to overanalyze since I know this might just be a cinematic choice, I can’t help but feel like this is a metaphor for Fundy losing himself. We don’t see his hand, we don’t see his inventory, his health or anything, we just see his surroundings, and most importantly, we see Quackity. Only Quackity.

iv. HARKENING BACK TO THE “FUNDY’S MIND” STREAM

As much as we still have many questions about the semantics of Fundy’s dreams, I do think there are a few things from this stream that did clarify certain aspects of the first stream. If not, there are at least certain parallels that we can’t exactly ignore either.

Quackity is the Forewarned “Him”

Do not join him.

Whatever he asks of you.

Do NOT join him.

his plans aren’t as nice as they sound.

his intentions aren’t what you think they are.

he will use you

he will destroy you

everything you ever loved

everyone you ever cared about

do not join him

This one is pretty self-explanatory. At this point, I do want to think that Quackity is, indeed, the “him” being referred to here. I do want to keep my mind open for future possibilities as the Dream SMP is littered with red herrings, but for now, it just makes the most sense that the book is referring to Quackity.

Additionally, from what the book mentions, it seems like Quackity doesn’t genuinely want to help Fundy. To be fair, we can’t fully be sure that Quackity’s intentions are purely evil, but the book does imply that Quackity only views Fundy as another pawn.

The Dangers of Sleeping for Too Long

The signed book in Fundy’s first dream seems to imply that there are consequences to staying in the dream world for too long. In my opinion, Fundy’s dream in Las Nevadas’ third episode shows what might possibly happen if Fundy stays for too long. The more Fundy uncovers the truths about his future, the more he gets exposed to traumatizing experiences like the one he had with Quackity.

Additionally, it’s been hinted by Fundy that when he wakes, he can’t exactly remember what his dream is about, but he can recall the emotions he’s felt while having them. So, if Fundy can only remember what he felt while dreaming, then the dread and horror he felt while witnessing nightmares pass over. The main con of this is that even if Fundy witnesses these future-predicting events in his dream, he won’t be able to avoid them when he wakes because he can’t remember them. So, all his dreams can do is literally traumatize him. No matter how many times it can warn him about Quackity, Fundy won’t even remember them. All he can remember is a sense of dread which only makes him more vulnerable in real life as his mental state worsens.

Hooded Figure

This kind of fits under the symbolism category, but to me, it’s interesting that both the hooded figure in the first dream and Quackity in the most recent dream kind of have the same blocking. Fundy goes outside and a figure waits for him, standing directly across Fundy’s door.

If the hooded figure is Quackity, it is interesting that they chased Fundy as if intending to murder him. Again, another warning for us to not trust Quackity.

v. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR FUNDY?

In the middle of writing this, Fundy decided to do a lore stream where he finally joins Las Nevadas, so we kinda know what’s going to happen. That lore stream was pretty interesting because a lot of the manipulation tactics I’ve mentioned earlier were used by Quackity once more to further convince Fundy to stay in Las Nevadas.

That’s not to say Quackity doesn’t genuinely believe in all the words he’s said to Fundy. I do think Quackity does believe in his statements on legacy and loneliness, but the thing we have to question is whether Quackity genuinely cares about Fundy’s wellbeing wholeheartedly. Because, let me be frank: if Las Nevadas ever gets terrorized, and Fundy’s life would be in danger, I don’t think Quackity would genuinely want to save him. It’s already heavily implied that Fundy is going to be used by Quackity, but I’m genuinely curious as to why. We know Quackity does want him to work there, but what are the specifics? What specific role does he want Fundy to play? Why is he going so far as to give Fundy a plot of land just for him to stay? What does Quackity specifically want from Fundy?

Again, I’m not sure, and all will be revealed in the future, but just know that I do not trust Quackity at all. He may have some true intentions but we know Quackity will do anything as long as it benefits whatever plan he has up his sleeve.

And I have to emphasize that if Fundy ever has a breakdown or experiences a traumatic event, it is NEVER going to be his fault. Because as much as we can say that “Fundy is bringing his own demise,” we have to remember that Quackity is the real mastermind behind anything that happens in Las Nevadas. Believing Fundy or any of Las Nevadas’ coworkers are at fault for something Quackity enabled is exactly what Quackity wants us to believe.

Again, if any of the Las Nevadas members ever have a mental breakdown, or lose a canon life, there’s a good chance that Quackity knew this was going to happen and allowed it to happen in the first place. All coworkers at the moment are victims of Quackity’s manipulation, and we always have to keep that in mind.

vi. CLOSING REMARKS

Like I mentioned earlier, I am not a saint, so please do not view this essay as gospel. If you do enjoy it, feel free to like, reblog, and share it to other people! I’d appreciate any amount of support I get! If you want to discuss this topic further, feel free to message me or reply to this post!

Special thanks to Fundy, Quackity, and everyone else who participated in this lore stream. Additional special thanks to Alyssa for beta reading! :D

#fundy #dream smp #mcyt #quackity critical #long post #dream smp analysis #dsmp analysis

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twink-frank · 4 years ago

Text

hi i’ve noticed the pencey prep gay conversation going on over on @awsugar and i have spent lots of time dissecting pencey prep lyrics and subjecting nathan @faggot-frank to my deranged ramblings so Here is my pencey prep super ultra mega gay lyrical analysis masterpost. it’s very long so its all under the cut but i will include a TL;DR for those who dont wanna read paragraphs of my deranged ramblings: Pencey prep uses lots of themes of: heartbreak, forbidden love, keeping love a secret, and toxic relationships. which none of that is gay on its own but combined with them almost never using gender indicators in their songs and the “nail in the coffin song” of 8th grade it ends up being a very Fruity Album.

I will be going through heart break in stereo in order and pointing out which lyrics and elements of certain songs jump out to me as Super Mega Gay and then summarizing my conclusions at the end <3

1 ) PS Don't Write

PS don't write is about leaving a toxic relationship, it has notes of moving on and leaving someone behind. "packed up all my shit / stole back all my tapes / left your spare key under the mat / this is not a joke / you'd better learn to take a hint / 'cause i'm not coming back / maybe you'll understand / when you're waking up alone / in a cold and empty bed." it has no gender indicators or pronouns which is the case in a lot of pencey prep songs, and something i'll bring up quite a bit. it also has general "coming of age" themes, something common in lots of pencey prep songs. which Yeah apply to straight people to but read in this context combined with future evidence can be pretty Fuckin Gay. "somewhere along the line / i found a hidden strength / i didn't know i had / standing on my own / cutting all the strings / that you used to control / surprise surprise / i am long gone / if you thought you could hold me down / by holding me up / you were wrong / you don't call the shots anymore." not to say only gay people can find inner strength and the room to love themselves but combined with other context it is a really poignant message about accepting yourself for who you are.

2) Yesterday

Yesterday is very repetitive and has a lot less to analyze, but the constant themes of wanting to "run away" strike me as very Fruity. once again, not saying gay people are the only people who can want to run away or escape from something But Combined With Other Context. and once again a song with no gender indicators, doesnt specify who the speaker is running away with or what they are running away from. just that they want to Leave. "i wanna run with you / i don't care what we do / gotta get out of this place / because it feels like yesterday." also saying "it feels like yesterday" could mean that the town feels backwards or old timey in its beliefs, implying homophobia. how the speaker wants to run away from an old fashioned town.

3) Don Quixote

i'm going to bring up the cultural significance of this title and literary reference first. Don Quixote is a classical novel by Cervantes which is about a crazy dude who thinks he's a knight, and goes on weird adventures with his best friend. It's typically used as a symbol of following your dreams and breaking free from what people expect of you. In the context of the song its used as a symbol of following your dreams with Someone. once again this someone is given no gender indicators. "you say it's not worth it / been burned too many times / if your spine's receding / you can borrow some of mine / don't go and quit right now / cause i'd follow you through hell." "you say so many things / and not a word of it was true / if you're still in that state of mind / i'd still vacation inside of you / cause i think you're worth every minute / and every dime that i spend / i'd spend all my time fighting dragons / just to keep you alive and talking." it's about wanting to spend time with someone, wanting to be with them no matter what. and its also about how this person feels unreachable, like being with them would be a fairytail but the speaker Still Reaches for it. "your imaginations running wild / round your deceptive heart / this is my crusade / and you're the unreachable star / but i'm reaching." talking about this person being unreachable and unattainble. which isnt gay By Itself but again combined with the other context. FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

4) 10 Rings

another breakup song once again with no gender indicators, are you guys sensing a theme here? anyways this song is about someone cutting you off and then coming back suddenly wanting to talk again after breaking your heart. it has a sense of forbidden love, like this person Told the speaker they cant be together for Whatever Reason ;] and is now trying to come back and repair their mistake when the speaker is already hurt and reeling. "learn to live with decisions you make / i learned things from the break i can't forget / catch you doing drive-bys at 1 AM / it must kill you to know we can't be friends." "end of the summer you cut me off / i cut you out all the pictures i have." which this Isnt Gay By Itself. but bringing that phrase back with other context this is such a uniquely gay experience. being in love with someone and they cut you off Because theyre weirded out by that and then they try to come back, convince you it meant nothing.

5) The Secret Goldfish

my FAVORITE pencey song. this one has a lot. it's another breakup song about heartbreak and loss and im not even gonna dwell on the no gender indicators because yall see the theme now. it has themes of heartbreak and losing someone who is very close to you and having to let go of them and having to accept that this person cant be yours and you cant be with them. "land of the lost / i found myself in nothing / this time, promises broken find me / clutching to you for something / something that you're not / believing in what you say / it makes me lie awake at night / the truth, the truth is not what scares me / it's why you have to lie / all the time." here we see these themes of having to let someone go because they just Aren't The Same as you. "clutching to you for something / something that you're not." maybe like chasing after a straight boy and getting rejected? also the repetition of "heartbreak is forever" when you're young and gay losing that first person you felt some kind of love and attraction to can feel like the end of the world and can be a huge deal because of the lack of representation and guidance young gays get. and the themes of nothing lasting forever, the fact that gay people never get promised eternal love the same way straight people do.

6) 8th Grade

this song is the nail in penceys fucking coffin honestly. the rest of these songs have a lot of plausible deniability, just vague enough to maybe Not Be Gay. but framed in the context of 8th grade they all start to get a lil fruity. Im just gonna go through lyric by lyric for this one. "caught staring again / like a deer in the headlights / when you can't move fast enough / i take a hit for the team / pretty girl is blushing / i can't tell if she's disgusted / laughter starts to swell / someone gets the joke." this kid was staring at some cute boy ass and got caught and everyone is laughing at him for being gay. the "pretty girl" here is what most people think he's staring at but with the rest of the song it's obvious she's not the one he's looking at. "bells ring, i make my escape / helps a little, but doesn't save / beat downs a common thing / with us every day / maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools / so maybe i like the abuse / or maybe i just like you." literally This is the nail in penceys fucking coffin. "maybe i like the abuse or maybe i just like you." this kid purposefully takes beatings from his bully who is Obviously male if you take into context the next verse. because he Likes Him. "maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools" literally willingly taking beatings from his bully bc he has a crush. "another confrontation / you've got something to prove / your girl can't tell how tough you are / when you beat me up in the boys room." this just confirms that the subject of the song is a boy, and a tough macho boy with something to prove. maybe also hiding his own internalized homophobia through bullying? "well i made a big mistake / but i can't help who i like / this may not cost my life / but i am branded forever lame." LITERALLY ITS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. "can't help who i like" "branded forever lame" do i even need to fucking explain this oh my god. he got outed as gay, he Can't Help Who He Likes and is now branded forever as "the gay kid." the rest of the song is general "im gonna get back at my bully" stuff but literally THIS. THIS is the song that brands all penceys other very vague songs as 100% verified super mega ultra gay.

7) 19

this song has a lot less, and is more about internal struggle than anything. but it is the only song with a "she" pronoun in it. but there is one thing i wanna mention. "I scream out loud / but no one hears a sound / i take my life with lack of sleep / i believe the things i feel / the things i see are fooling only me." this song is about not believing what the world shows you, believing what you think is true in your heart and what You feel. not what anyone else tells you. which is a gay experience. believing in yourself and your heart and your feelings, believing theyre right and theyre true and valid. Also this song has a significance in coming right after 8th grade on the album, going from being 13 to 19, from being unsure in your feelings and angry about the people who dont like you to lost and hopeless but somewhat grounded in yourself.

8) Trying To Escape The Inevitable

this song is about an abusive and toxic relationship, knowing you Need to escape it but being so infatuated with the person you literally cant. “i have this reoccurring dream / you make it hard for me to breathe / i gave you everything i could / i gave up everything i owned / and when you smile it’s not for me / you offer little sympathy / your grasp so far exceeds your reach / i wake up, this is not a dream.” “i have this reoccuring dream / where you admit that you’re not happy / i know that you will never leave / you’re here just to torment me.” which like again this isnt an exclusively gay experience but it is very interesting when framed that way. in that gay people are way more likely to throw themselves into abusive and toxic relationships because they dont feel like they can get anybody else. the repetition of “i know i should run” makes it seem like the speaker Knows he should get out but he just Cant because what if he never finds love again? and the little reprise in the middle “i have a new dream / and everything is perfect / the sky is pink, yellow, green, blue, and orange / and all the past has been forgotten / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and i fell into your trap.” implying that even if he escapes, even in his dreams he still falls for this person because he feels like he cant have anything else.

9) Lloyd Dobbler

another love song about wanting to have someone but not being able to because of Unspecified Forbidden Reasons. “why are you so far away / even when you’re standing next to me? / your eyes give you away / telling secrets your mouht don’t feel like talking.” falling in love with someone, maybe sensing that they like you too. that they Are Like You and that they have a Secret they dont want to vocalize. do i even need to explain it at this point? and in the chorus “That I’ll be your lloyd dobbler / with a boom box out in the street / and i’ll be there if you need someone / even if he isn’t me.” saying you’ll be there for someone even if that person isn’t you, also the use of Pronouns which is big for pencey prep. which yes the use of “even if he isnt me” could imply a straight girl ooorrr....Fruit Behavior. also this line “There’s a norman rockewll painting / of two kids sitting on a bench / it reminds me of all the stupid things / i’d like for us to share, but i dont care.” normal rockwell is a painter that paints traditionally “american” scenes. like the american ideal, that maybe he wants with this person. but he knows he cant have, but its stupid and domestic and he wants it but he Cant Have It because of FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

10) Florida Plates

another of my favorite pencey songs, and this one brings back those tragic “love but we cant have it” themes, except with a more somber tone. instead of being angry or resentful or spiteful in the face of adversity. its an Acceptance, of what they had and how good it was and how it just Cant Last. “kiss a mouth to open eyes / stall one last moment before goodbye / drive in different cars in different directions / never write all the letters full of good words, better intentions / it’s for the best although we don’t know it / paper words will cheapen the moments we shared / it’s better if i say nothing at all.” it’s about knowing you have to leave someone, even if having them in the moment is great they Can’t Stay and you can’t even talk or write about the moments you had. which do i even need to explain it at this point? forbidden love, not being able to have each other, not even being able to Talk about it. its a secret, and painful one but its beautiful while you have it. Conclusion alright!!! thank you so so much if you read all the way through that i Know it was long i Know it was a lot of repetition but i wanted to make my point. pencey prep has very big gay themes in their music. with forbidden love, letting go, heartbreak, keeping secrets, toxic realtionships. which none of it is gay on its own but in the context of: almost none of the songs having clear gender indicators and always speaking really vaguely about the subject and Eight Grade the “nail in the coffin song” you can see my point thank you and goodnight.

#adrian speaks #mcr #pencey prep #frank iero

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choose-your-own-pronouns · 4 years ago

Text

CYOP - Tutorial Sword

(This one might have some mistakes, because at one point I accidentally copied half of one and pasted it into another, but I think it’s all fixed now...let me know if there are any sets I missed.)

she/her type pronouns: she/her/hers/herself “she was”

Replace:

[Name]

[she]

[her]

[hers]

[herself]

“Hey, who’s that Necromancer over there? Do you know ter pronouns? The one with the silver sword and the skeleton dog over by the forge. Do you know where mys got that sword? It looks awesome. Do you think mys’d trade me?”

“Oh, [Name]? [Her] pronouns are [she]/[her]/[hers]/[herself]. And as for the sword, no, I don’t think [she]’d trade you for it. That sword is Sentimental for [her], since it originally belonged to [her] parent, and they got it off a commander they defeated, so no, I don’t think you’ll have any luck convincing [her] to trade it for yours. No one wants one of the standard issue ones, they’re all too impatient and reckless.

“Why do you think you’re the only one who still has theirs? These idiots say they’re cursed, can you believe it? A sword that can’t be looted, that tells you everything you need to know about this game, and they want nothing to do with it. Most of these idiots get rid of it the first battle they face. If you didn’t know, when you defeat an enemy in battle, you can loot any items from them that you want except for their base layer of clothing, and any Sentimental items. You know how I said [Name] got [her] sword from [her] parent? Yeah, that means it’s Sentimental, and no one is allowed to loot it, since the Sentimental Exemption applies to it. The rules for what can and can’t be Sentimental are pretty complicated, so I won’t go into them now, but that’s also why [Name] has two swords, since everyone has to carry at least one weapon that can be looted. Anyone can carry multiple weapons, but after a while it just becomes cumbersome.

“You don’t get an extra carry slot when you have a Sentimental object, and with the extra weapon you’re required to carry if you have a Sentimental weapon, you end up permanently losing a slot, and especially when it comes to the higher tier battles, every item you bring counts, which is why not a lot of people keep Sentimental items, or at least not Sentimental weapons.”

“So let me get this right, everyone hates the default swords because they give you a tutorial, but then you’re also going to give me a tutorial?”

“Yeah, because I get paid to tell the new people how things work. Everyone gets rid of their standard issue sword the first chance they get, so they end up not knowing how to do even basic things like bathing or weapon and armour maintenance. So since I decided to keep mine around until I actually knew what I was doing, everyone decided to elect me the official tutorial tutor, since none of the other experienced players have the patience to teach new people. Everyone who survives a battle using techniques or skills I taught them gives me at 10% of any coins they picked up during the fight.”

“Wait, so now I’m going to have to pay you since you’re telling me this? You could have lead with that! That’s not fair!”

“No, no, you’re still Level 1, so you’re exempt. Plus, you still have your sword, so it could teach you anything I can. You’d only have to start paying me once you hit Level 3 if you’d already gotten rid of your sword. You don’t have to worry about paying me as long as you have that sword. The lessons it gives you run out at Level 50, so you can imagine the slack I’m picking up by teaching the people who got rid of their sword during their first fight. Without me, this team wouldn’t have any idea how to do Spells or Techniques or Crafting. I was one of the founding four, and trust me, if I hadn’t had the common sense to keep my sword, this team wouldn’t even exist right now.”

“Wow. So you’ve been doing this for five years?”

“Yep. Almost six, actually, the anniversary is next month on the 2nd.”

“Woah. So, okay, if you know everything, is there a way I can change how my sword looks without getting rid of it? I like the tutorial feature, but it’s really plain looking. I want something dramatic or cool. Or at least I want to change the color, I have my eye on an outfit from the Jareq’s and I want it to match.”

“Well, you’re in luck. Remember our sentimental Necromancer over there?”

“Yeah.”

“[She]’s our Craftsmaster. [She] can reforge your sword into different shapes and styles, and can dye it different colors for you too. If you’re patient enough, [she]’ll even teach you how to do it yourself. [She]’s always complaining that [she] has to do everything because no one else wants to learn. I think at this point [she]’s literally paying people to become [her] apprentice, just so [she] can have someone to help out with the list of orders.”

“Wait, really?”

“Well, you’d have to ask [her] if that offer is still on, I’ve been too busy with the new recruits to hang out with [her] the last few days. [She]’s friendly, especially towards new people, and [her] skele doesn’t bite anyone that doesn’t threaten [her], so don’t worry about talking to [her] or anything.

“If you want, I’ll even walk you over and introduce you and ask [her] about reforging your sword. But before we do, you should think of a name for your sword if you haven’t already, you have to give it a name when you reforge it, and it has to be unique. If you open your journal, you can check which names are available, and it’ll suggest some for you if you can’t think of one.”

“Well, I’ve been calling it Chirithy in my head...uh, it’s from a video game, one of the older ones that you played on a cellphone.”

“Well, lets go to your journal and check if that name’s available. It definitely sounds unique so I bet it is--ah, look at that, it is! So we’d better hurry and get your sword reforged now, someone else out there might have the same idea! Trust me when I tell you that when you find a name you want, do not hesitate to claim it. Just don’t. Don’t worry about picking the new form for it yet, you can just reforge it into something quick and basic just to save the name, then you can come back later and choose a more intricate form. Come on, I’ll introduce you!”

“Okay, yeah, let’s go!”

“Hey, [Name]! Get that forge started back up to five, we need you to reforge a sword quick before the name gets taken!”

“Don’t yell at [her], [she]’ll get mad!”

“Oh, don’t worry kid, this is just what we do. Plus, it takes time to heat the forge to the right temperature, and [she] hates having to wait when [she] could be doing something productive. Trust me, if we waited until we got all the way over there to tell [her] what temperature we need, and then [she] had to stand around and wait for it to get to the right heat even after [she] already knew what [she] was going to make, [she]’d be a lot less happy to help.”

“Oh. Hey, wait a second, do I have to pay [her] to reforge my sword? I only the have fifteen coins the opening fight gave me, and I don’t know what the economy is like yet…”

“[She] usually charges around fifty coins for a reforging to cover the cost of the materials, but this one’s on me. Fifteen coins isn’t a lot, it’s mainly supposed to get you buying things, since the basic gear from Jareq only cost two coins each. While you’re buying the basic armour, you also get to look at all the cooler stuff you can buy later, so you’ll want to get more coins to buy them, so you’ll keep coming back for more fights. And since they release new outfits every other month, you always have a reason to keep coming back.”

“Please take this as a compliment--I can tell you’re the teacher around here.”

“I do take it as a compliment. Thank you!”

“So why are you paying for my sword? I mean, I’m grateful, and I’ll pay you back later, but why? Do you just have a lot of coins?”

“I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re reforging your standard issue sword. The more you like that thing, the more likely you’ll keep it, and the longer you keep it, the less work there is for me as long as you stick around. You know how I said [Name] is sick of being the only crafter? Well I’m sick of being the only one around here who can or will teach anyone how to do stuff. We need another jack of all trades, and if you’re willing to keep that sword around, you might just become it.”

“So [Name] will pay me to be [her] apprentice, and you’re bribing me to become your apprentice too?”

“Yep.”

“Are there any other teachers around here who are willing to pay for students?”

“Oh you better believe it.”

========================

he/him type pronouns: he/him/his/himself “he was”

Replace:

[Name]

[he]

[him]

[his]

[himself]

“Oh, [Name]? [His] pronouns are [he]/[him]/[his]/[himself]. And as for the sword, no, I don’t think [he]’d trade you for it. That sword is Sentimental for [him], since it originally belonged to [his] parent, and they got it off a commander they defeated, so no, I don’t think you’ll have any luck convincing [him] to trade it for yours. No one wants one of the standard issue ones, they’re all too impatient and reckless.

“Why do you think you’re the only one who still has theirs? These idiots say they’re cursed, can you believe it? A sword that can’t be looted, that tells you everything you need to know about this game, and they want nothing to do with it. Most of these idiots get rid of it the first battle they face. If you didn’t know, when you defeat an enemy in battle, you can loot any items from them that you want except for their base layer of clothing, and any Sentimental items. You know how I said [Name] got [his] sword from [his] parent? Yeah, that means it’s Sentimental, and no one is allowed to loot it, since the Sentimental Exemption applies to it. The rules for what can and can’t be Sentimental are pretty complicated, so I won’t go into them now, but that’s also why [Name] has two swords, since everyone has to carry at least one weapon that can be looted. Anyone can carry multiple weapons, but after a while it just becomes cumbersome.

“So let me get this right, everyone hates the default swords because they give you a tutorial, but then you’re also going to give me a tutorial?”

“Wait, so now I’m going to have to pay you since you’re telling me this? You could have lead with that! That’s not fair!”

“No, no, you’re still level 1, so you’re exempt. Plus, you still have your sword, so it could teach you anything I can. You’d only have to start paying me once you hit level 3 if you’d already gotten rid of your sword. You don’t have to worry about paying me as long as you have that sword. The lessons it gives you run out at level 50, so you can imagine the slack I’m picking up by teaching the people who got rid of their sword during their first fight. Without me, this team wouldn’t have any idea how to do Spells or Techniques or Crafting. I was one of the founding four, and trust me, if I hadn’t had the common sense to keep my sword, this team wouldn’t even exist right now.”

“Wow. So you’ve been doing this for five years?”

“Yep. Almost six, actually, the anniversary is next month on the 2nd.”

“Well, you’re in luck. Remember our sentimental Necromancer over there?”

“Yeah.”

“[He]’s our Craftsmaster. [He] can reforge your sword into different shapes and styles, and can dye it different colors for you too. If you’re patient enough, [he]’ll even teach you how to do it yourself. [He]’s always complaining that [he] has to do everything because no one else wants to learn. I think at this point [he]’s literally paying people to become [his] apprentice, just so [he] can have someone to help out with the list of orders.”

“Wait, really?”

“Well, you’d have to ask [him] if that offer is still on, I’ve been too busy with the new recruits to hang out with [him] the last few days. [He]’s friendly, especially towards new people, and [his] skele doesn’t bite anyone that doesn’t threaten [him], so don’t worry about talking to [him] or anything.

“If you want, I’ll even walk you over and introduce you and ask [him] about reforging your sword. But before we do, you should think of a name for your sword if you haven’t already, you have to give it a name when you reforge it, and it has to be unique. If you open your journal, you can check which names are available, and it’ll suggest some for you if you can’t think of one.”

“Well, I’ve been calling it Chirithy in my head...uh, it’s from a video game, one of the older ones that you played on a cellphone.”

“Okay, yeah, let’s go!”

“Hey, [Name]! Get that forge started back up to five, we need you to reforge a sword quick before the name gets taken!”

“Don’t yell at [him], [he]’ll get mad!”

“Oh, don’t worry kid, this is just what we do. Plus, it takes time to heat the forge to the right temperature, and [he] hates having to wait when [he] could be doing something productive. Trust me, if we waited until we got all the way over there to tell [him] what temperature we need, and then [he] had to stand around and wait for it to get to the right heat even after [he] already knew what [he] was going to make, [he]’d be a lot less happy to help.”

“Oh. Hey, wait a second, do I have to pay [him] to reforge my sword? I only the have fifteen coins the opening fight gave me, and I don’t know what the economy is like yet…”

“[He] usually charges around fifty coins for a reforging to cover the cost of the materials, but this one’s on me. Fifteen coins isn’t a lot, it’s mainly supposed to get you buying things, since the basic gear from Jareq only cost two coins each. While you’re buying the basic armour, you also get to look at all the cooler stuff you can buy later, so you’ll want to get more coins to buy them, so you’ll keep coming back for more fights. And since they release new outfits every other month, you always have a reason to keep coming back.”

“Please take this as a compliment--I can tell you’re the teacher around here.”

“I do take it as a compliment. Thank you!”

“So why are you paying for my sword? I mean, I’m grateful, and I’ll pay you back later, but why? Do you just have a lot of coins?”

“So [Name] will pay me to be [his] apprentice, and you’re bribing me to become your apprentice too?”

“Yep.”

“Are there any other teachers around here who are willing to pay for students?”

“Oh you better believe it.”

========================

they/them type pronouns: they/them/their/theirs/themselves “they were”

Replace:

[they]

[them]

[their]

[theirs]

[themself]

“Oh, [Name]? [Their] pronouns are [they]/[them]/[their]/[themself]. And as for the sword, no, I don’t think [they]’d trade you for it. That sword is Sentimental for [them], since it originally belonged to [their] parent, and they got it off a commander they defeated, so no, I don’t think you’ll have any luck convincing [them] to trade it for yours. No one wants one of the standard issue ones, they’re all too impatient and reckless.

“Why do you think you’re the only one who still has theirs? These idiots say they’re cursed, can you believe it? A sword that can’t be looted, that tells you everything you need to know about this game, and they want nothing to do with it. Most of these idiots get rid of it the first battle they face. If you didn’t know, when you defeat an enemy in battle, you can loot any items from them that you want except for their base layer of clothing, and any Sentimental items. You know how I said [Name] got [their] sword from [their] parent? Yeah, that means it’s Sentimental, and no one is allowed to loot it, since the Sentimental Exemption applies to it. The rules for what can and can’t be Sentimental are pretty complicated, so I won’t go into them now, but that’s also why [Name] has two swords, since everyone has to carry at least one weapon that can be looted. Anyone can carry multiple weapons, but after a while it just becomes cumbersome.

“So let me get this right, everyone hates the default swords because they give you a tutorial, but then you’re also going to give me a tutorial?”

“Wait, so now I’m going to have to pay you since you’re telling me this? You could have lead with that! That’s not fair!”

“Wow. So you’ve been doing this for five years?”

“Yep. Almost six, actually, the anniversary is next month on the 2nd.”

“Well, you’re in luck. Remember our sentimental Necromancer over there?”

“Yeah.”

“[They]’re our Craftsmaster. [They] can reforge your sword into different shapes and styles, and can dye it different colors for you too. If you’re patient enough, [they]’ll even teach you how to do it yourself. [They]’re always complaining that [they] have to do everything because no one else wants to learn. I think at this point [they]’re literally paying people to become [their] apprentice, just so [they] can have someone to help out with the list of orders.”

“Wait, really?”

“Well, you’d have to ask [them] if that offer is still on, I’ve been too busy with the new recruits to hang out with [her] the last few days. [They]’re friendly, especially towards new people, and [their] skele doesn’t bite anyone that doesn’t threaten [them], so don’t worry about talking to [them] or anything.

“Well, I’ve been calling it Chirithy in my head...uh, it’s from a video game, one of the older ones that you played on a cellphone.”

“Okay, yeah, let’s go!”

“Hey, [Name]! Get that forge started back up to five, we need you to reforge a sword quick before the name gets taken!”

“Don’t yell at [them], [they]’ll get mad!”

“Oh, don’t worry kid, this is just what we do. Plus, it takes time to heat the forge to the right temperature, and [they] hate having to wait when [they] could be doing something productive. Trust me, if we waited until we got all the way over there to tell [them] what temperature we need, and then [they] had to stand around and wait for it to get to the right heat even after [they] already knew what [they] were going to make, [they]’d be a lot less happy to help.”

“Oh. Hey, wait a second, do I have to pay [them] to reforge my sword? I only the have fifteen coins the opening fight gave me, and I don’t know what the economy is like yet…”

“[They] usually charge around fifty coins for a reforging to cover the cost of the materials, but this one’s on me. Fifteen coins isn’t a lot, it’s mainly supposed to get you buying things, since the basic gear from Jareq only cost two coins each. While you’re buying the basic armour, you also get to look at all the cooler stuff you can buy later, so you’ll want to get more coins to buy them, so you’ll keep coming back for more fights. And since they release new outfits every other month, you always have a reason to keep coming back.”

“Please take this as a compliment--I can tell you’re the teacher around here.”

“I do take it as a compliment. Thank you!”

“So why are you paying for my sword? I mean, I’m grateful, and I’ll pay you back later, but why? Do you just have a lot of coins?”

“So [Name] will pay me to be [their] apprentice, and you’re bribing me to become your apprentice too?”

“Yep.”

“Are there any other teachers around here who are willing to pay for students?”

“Oh you better believe it.”

#choose your own pronouns #pronouns #pronoun tester #pronoun testing #name testing #name tester #neopronouns #xenogender #nonbinary #trans #queer #mogai #pride #long post

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margridarnauds · 4 years ago

Text

Things I Wish I Had Known About Being A Celticist (Before Becoming One):

1. If you’re North American, you’re going to have to work twice as hard to get the same level of respect as your peers from Europe. Get used to that now, because it won’t get any easier as time goes on. You’re also going to very likely be in classes with people who, while not FLUENT in Gaeilge, have at least some background in it. This can be a blessing and a curse - The curse is that you have less of an idea of what’s going on, the blessing is that the professors will focus a lot of the tougher questions on them, at least at first.

2. “So, do you have any Irish family?” You will be asked that question. All the time. If you’re North American or English. Unless you have, say, a grandma from Tipperary, the safest answer is always “No, not at all! I just love the literature/history/language/etc.”

3. Love languages? You’re going to! On average, depending on your program, it’s likely that you’ll at least be learning two languages. At enough of a level where you can get pretty in-depth when it comes to the grammar. Most Old Irish experts are expected to know Old Irish, Middle Welsh (at least enough for comparative purposes), and German, with Latin often being brought in. You’ll also be expected to be able to comment on the development of Old Irish, Middle Irish, Early Modern Irish, and Gaeilge - It’s essential if you’re going to date texts. There are also multiple other Celtic languages (Breton, Manx, Cornish, Scottish) that, while they might not be ESSENTIAL for whatever you’re doing, are still going to be cropping up at different times for comparison purposes - I’d be lying if I said I knew them WELL, and most people tend to stick fairly firmly to their area, BUT you will probably be learning at least a little of them. (Personally, no one asked me, but I honestly think that I couldn’t call myself a Celticist if I just knew one Celtic language, it’s why a longterm goal of mine is to build up as much knowledge of the others as I can.) I’ve seen quite a few scholars go in thinking that the linguistics part won’t be important, only to be slammed by the program early on. Even if you just want to do literary analysis, you’re going to have to explain the meaning and development of individual words, as well as situating it in the broader scope of the development of your language of choice. (IE “This is a ninth century text, and we know that because it has intact deponent verbs, the neuter article’s dying out, and no independent object pronoun. Also everything’s on fire because Vikings.”)

4. You’re very likely going to have to move. This applies mainly for North Americans who want to do it (unless you happen to live directly in, say, Toronto or Boston, in which case ignore what I said and, Bostonians, polish off your GREs and prepare to listen to Legally Blonde the Musical on repeat because you’re going to be applying for Harvard). There are very few Celtic Studies programs in the world and, in general, most of the major programs, sensibly, are in Celtic-speaking countries - So, if you want to study Scottish, you go to Scotland, you want Irish, you go to Ireland, Welsh in Wales, etc. If you already wanted to move to Europe for a year or two while you’re doing your MA, then great (and for EU students this doesn’t apply, since they can relocate much easier...unless they were planning on going to the UK in which case.....my condolences), but if you didn’t have any sudden plans to move, keep it in mind. From an American perspective, it was literally cheaper to move to Ireland and do my MA there than to deal with the school system here, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other inconveniences associated with moving to another country. Even if you’re European, the field is fickle - An Irish scholar might find themselves moving to Scotland, an English scholar might find themselves moving to Ireland, etc. etc. These things happen when you have to take what you can get.

5. You don’t need Old Irish to go for your MA in Celtic Studies. You do not need Old Irish to go for your MA in Celtic Studies. When I first applied for my MA, I thought I didn’t have a chance because I had a general Humanities degree and didn’t have any formal experience with a Celtic language, least of all Old Irish. As it turns out, most programs do not expect you to have a background in this sort of thing beforehand, and quite a few have different programs for those who have a background in this stuff VS those who don’t, so don’t feel, if this is what you REALLY want to do, like you can’t just because of that. Show your passion for the field in your application, talk a little about the texts you’ve studied, angles you’re interested in, etc., make it the best application you can, and you still have a shot even without Old Irish (or, for non-Irish potential Celticists, whatever your target is.)

6. It’s competitive - Just because you get your MA, PhD programs are fewer and farer between. Academia in general isn’t known for its phenomenal job security, but Celtic Studies in particular is very fragile, since we generally are seen as low priority even among the Humanities programs (which, in general, are the first to be axed anyway.) If you focus on medieval languages as opposed to modern ones, you might very well find your program ranked lower in priority than your colleagues in the modern departments. Especially since COVID has gutted many universities’ income. I found that getting into a MA program was significantly easier than planning on what to do afterwards, since, for a PhD, you generally have to go someplace that can pay you at least some amount of money. Going into your PhD without any departmental funding is a recipe for burnout and bankruptcy, and there are very few Celtic Studies programs that can pay. Doesn’t mean you can’t try, and, when paid PhDs become available, they tend to be quite well publicized on Celtic Studies Twitter/Facebook, but keep in mind that you’ll be in a very competitive market. Networking is key - Your MA is your time to shine and get those treasured letters of rec so that you can get that sweet, sweet institutional funding for your PhD.

7. You’re very likely not actually going to teach Celtic Studies. Because there are so few teaching positions available worldwide, it’s much more likely that you’ll be teaching general Humanities/Composition/etc. This doesn’t mean that you’ll be giving up Celtic Studies (conferences are always going to be open, you don’t have to stay in one department for your entire life and can snag a position when it becomes available, and, even if you go outside of academia, the tourism industry...well, it was looking for Celticists, before The Plague), it just means that if teaching it is what you REALLY want to do with your life, it might be good to check your expectations. A few programs even have an option where you can essentially double major for the sake of job security. (So, if you always wanted to be the world’s first French Revolution historian/Celticist/Gothic Literature triple threat......................the amount of reading you’d have to do would likely drive you insane but................)

8. Make nice with your department. Make nice with your department. Celtic Studies departments tend to be small and concentrated, so you’re going to be knowing everyone quite well by the end of your first grad degree, at least. You don’t have to like everyone in it, but they aren’t just your classmates, they’re your colleagues. You will be seeing at least some of their faces for the rest of your life. I can say that my MA department remembered students who left the program a decade ago. Your department is supposed to have your back, and they can be an invaluable source of support when you need it the most, since they understand the program and what it entails better than anyone else can. You’ll need them for everything from moral support to getting you pdfs of That One Article From A Long Discontinued Journal From The 1970s. I’ve seen students who made an ass of themselves to the department - Their classmates remembered them five years later. Don’t be that guy. Have fun, go to the holiday dinners, get to know people, ask about their work, attend the “voluntary” seminars and lectures, and do not make an ass of yourself. That is how you find yourself jumping from PhD program to PhD program because your old professors “forgot” your letter of rec until the day after the deadline. Also, since your departments are small and concentrated, it’s a good idea to prepare to separate your social media for your personal stuff vs your academics as much as you can, since it won’t be too hard to track you down if people just know that you do Celtic Studies.

9. Some areas of the field are more respected than others. If you want to do work on the legal or ecclesiastical aspects, excellent. If you want to focus on the linguistic elements, excellent. If you’re here for literature.....there’s a place, though you’re going to have to make damned sure to back it up with linguistic and historical evidence. (There’s less theory for theory’s sake, though theoretical approaches are slowly gaining more acceptance.) But if you’re here for mythography or comparative approaches...there is a PLACE for you, but it’s a little dustier than the others. There are fewer programs willing to outright teach mythology, mainly because it’s seen as outdated and unorthodox, especially since the term itself in a Celtic context is controversial. Pursue it, God knows we need the support, but just...be prepared to mute a lot of your academic social media. And, really, your social media in general. And have a defense prepared ahead of time. With citations. Frankly, I think my Bitch Levels have gone up a solid 50% since getting into this area, because consistently seeing the blue checkmarks on Twitter acting like you’re not doing real work while you’re knees deep in a five volume genealogical tract tends to do that to you. If it ever seems like I go overboard with the citations when it comes to talking about the Mythological Cycle, this is why - I have to. It’s how I maintain what legitimacy I have. I’d still do it if I’d have known, but I would have appreciated the heads up. (On the plus side - It means that, in those few programs that DO teach mythology, you’re golden, because they want all the serious students they can get.)

10. If you really, really love it, it’s worth it. After all this, you’re probably wondering why anyone would sign on for this. The work’s grueling and often unrewarding, you might or might not get respect for what you do based off of where you were born and what your interests are, and you’re subject to an incredibly unpredictable job market so you might never see any material compensation for all of it. But, if you can check your expectations of becoming rich off of it, if all you REALLY want to do is chase it as far as it can go, then it’s worth it. There’s a lot of work to be done, so you don’t have to worry too much about trotting over the same thing that a dozen scholars have already done. You might get the chance to be the very first person, for example, to crack into a text that no one’s read for over a thousand years, or you might totally re-analyze something because the last person to look at it did it in the 19th century, or you might get to be the first person to look at an angle for a text or figure that no one’s considered. If finding a reference to your favorite person in a single annal from the 17th century makes you walk on air for the entire day, then you might very well be the sort of person the field needs.

#celtic studies #long post #school tw

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ouijaban · 5 years ago

Text

Clarification

Hey everyone!

So I really have been trying to avoid saying anything about this situation publicly but honestly with what Al (@alfonsobeilschmidt) has just done I feel as if I’m obligated to. I have no way of contacting him privately—believe me, I tried—so I’m just going to have to do it this way.

For whatever reason, Al seems to be convinced that this v*re-centric account belongs to me. I have no idea why he thinks that, but it definitely doesn’t. In fact v*re and c*nnibalism are huge squicks for me.

In addition, the pronouns and age of the person who runs that account are also different from mine, which is perhaps why Al misgendered him. At any rate, this person is completely unrelated to the situation Al is discussing, so I have no idea why he implied that he was bullying him when after I reached out to this person they confirmed that they did not know my friends and had never interacted with Al. Exposing his page in an attempt to “gotcha” me and my friends is not only unfair to us, but also to him—this person has never interacted with Al and is being accused of harassment and bullying?

That leads me to my next point: harassment. So taking the unrelated person’s account out of it, let me recap what actually has taken place between Al, some of my friends, and myself. Al asked to join a tendershipping server we are in on July 21st. This is a space we have curated for ourselves, and people are asked two questions at the beginning to make sure they vibe and will enjoy hanging out with us as this is a strictly top Bakura server, which is mentioned in the rules and also is literally the name of the server.

Al was asked one of the questions and said he preferred a different dynamic in a way that made some people in the server uncomfortable, and also that suggested he wouldn’t enjoy being in the server to begin with. As a result he was politely asked to leave.

This is not harassment or bullying by any stretch of the imagination. He has said that mpreg, which was what the meme was about, was a trigger for him, and that’s why he made those jokes. That is completely understandable! The reason that image (which is extremely vague and has only text) is included is because we talk about it all the time, and if it is a trigger then someone who reacts poorly to it wouldn’t want to be there anyway and would be upset by that.

I also literally was not present for this conversation, and have never spoken to Al directly. I only saw screenshots of it after he had already left. Point being, even if this was harassment, the implication that I was somehow the ringleader here is so off base it’s laughable.

On the day of, because Al was talking about the situation on Twitter, someone else in the server made a very general post stating ‘it’s ok to have preferences.’ This is the only occasion that I can see in which anyone in the server has ever even alluded to what occurred publicly.

Since that point Al has continuously vagued us and me specifically on Twitter. I don’t have all of the screenshots because we have each other blocked and I don’t in fact check his account very regularly, but here are a few where he’s obviously sniping at our group—as well as misgendering the people he interacted with, 3/4 of whom use he/him pronouns and are neither women nor woman-aligned.

None of us have interacted with him since the day he left. He also sent one of his friends (@snowflakeryo) who again, none of us have ever interacted with, to harass us further.

In addition, in July I was running a tendershipping-themed week. When I saw this pop up in the tendershipping tag, which I check regularly, I tried to ignore it, but I cannot deny that it made me super uncomfortable. Doing an event that is clearly supposed to parody mine in order to upset me is harassment, and I want to again clarify that I have never spoken to Al in my life.

The above screenshots are his event in comparison to mine. After this happened I was very unnerved and I will readily admit that I occasionally checked his account as a result of that. But I never said anything publicly about it or incited others to talk to him about it, and no one else did either.

That’s how I ended up seeing the below screenshot where he readily admits to doing the event out of spite, which I was already acutely aware of.

I found it particularly ironic that, when no one acknowledged this post or reacted badly to it because we have no reason to, Al decided that he did want to tag the ship and “cause discourse” so he reposted again under the tag, which I saw through just normally browsing the ship tag as I often do because I love the ship.

Around this time I made a vaguely salty post on Tumblr about characterization and how different people write tendershipping. This actually was about someone else; I’ve never read Al’s writing and wouldn’t have known he was even a writer were it not for his mock-event so I would not know what it sounds like. I shouldn’t have said it regardless of who it’s about—for that I apologize. I really do not use Tumblr that often, and it was an extremely general post that I thought literally 0 people would see. I didn’t tag any ships or people, and virtually no one did end up seeing it except apparently Al, because—though I didn’t at the time know it—he must have been checking on my account on a regular basis. While I had a reason to do so (e.g. my paranoia about his spiteful events, literally sending people to apply to the server just to make fun of us), he does not, as I have never spoken to him in my life before this point.

https://alfonsobeilschmidt.tumblr.com/post/629203041731641344/aight-last-mention-and-then-ill-drop-it

(The post I’m referring to is the one with the cowboy emojis.)

I don’t know what he’s been telling his friends, but one of the responses to his “exposé” of me being a v*re account and a harasser, neither of which are true, was this, from a friend of his. This, ironically, is the same friend who sent the mocking server application.

No one is bullying anyone about a ship preference or stalking anyone else except you. Please leave me and my friends alone, and don’t talk about us anymore. I didn’t want to make this post or say anything about this publicly because I have no interest in being involved in drama or even being a figure in fandom at all, but harassment, bullying, and stalking are all very serious allegations, and they are in this case 100% false.

For anyone other than Al and his friends reading this, I’m terribly sorry about all this, and I really hope I’ll never have to talk about this again.

#fandom wank #discourse #text

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escritorian · 4 years ago

Text

How to (not) be an Adventurer by Althea Dawnwind Chapter 2 - Role models

All right, so I figure if he’s going to hear all this the first time around, anyway, I may as well keep recording. Or...asking him to transcribe, I guess. We talked about it.

While I take no offence to your choice of pronouns, I feel I should remind you I have no gender.

Gotcha. Sorry.

No need to apologize.

Thanks. Still sorry. Wait, so is all this side commentary getting transcribed, too?

Yes.

Lovely. Perfect. All right, whatever. Let’s go.

So there are a bunch of new people at the house. Most of them are super cool, but one of them’s a total creeper.

Predictably, Julia’s hot into the creeper. (Ugh, her taste) But whatever. Her romantic graveyard. Let her dig it. Besides, I’m sure Galen would never let this guy actually hurt Julia. (If he could actually hurt Julia). It does make me wonder about why he lets this skeezeball travel with him, though. I mean, I guess he’s not always the most perceptive, but-

Whatever. I’m getting off topic.

Can journals be said to have an incorrect topic, properly?

Shush. Anyway, they were all just here, suddenly, talking about the pact and my plague and my future. I wanted to scream, but I was just so tired and scared. I think I’d have accepted anything that gave me hope at that point.

Okay. No. Wait. Not anything. They were saying in some alternate past (?), they thought I was about to make a pact with some god of entropy? And honestly, that just sounds bad all around. Like sure, okay, I was pretty sure mine wasn’t one of those cases of spell plague you live through, you know? But some things are just worse than death.

Honestly, I was- am really offended that they thought so little of me. Okay not “they,” really. I barely even know most of them, but Galen…I really though at least he’d have some respect for my integrity. I thought maybe he could see me as more than just the little sister who needs protecting and can’t be trusted to make her own decisions I only even made this pact because everyone seemed so sure it was my best shot. And I- I mean, I wanted to live. Guilty, okay? Who doesn’t?

I felt the same, Althea

Yeah. So… yeah.

It is not wrong to wish or fight for life.

Thanks, Sha- uh, do you have like, a nickname I can use or anything?

Shadhavar is the only name I have ever known.

Wow, that’s…kind of sad. For the record, you can call me Thea. It’s what everyone in the family calls me.

I thank you, Thea.

Ha. Ummm. I was about to say I was smiling, you know, to transcribe it? The idea? Feeling? But, what is it, really? Can you even smile here?

There is no physical form or structure here to demarcate itself into what you call a smile. The underlying ideas and feelings that cause the smile, however, can be recorded.

Oh. Cool. I mean, no really. Seriously. Cool. Anyway, what was I saying?

Is this question rhetorical?

Um, yes? I mean it was, but you can- you know.

Those who found me presented you the possibility of a pact.

Yeah, that’s pretty much it, and I said yes.

Do you regret having done so?

Pfff, no. I’m not going to pretend I understand the full implications of having formed a soul bond with an ancient, sentient sword-bridge-focus thing born from both the feywild and the shadowfell? But it’s for serious better than the alternative. I can say that with total confidence right now.

Anyway, most of Galen’s new friends seemed like they really cared for me despite having just met me. It was weird, but also kind of nice? Oh! And Galen’s girlfriend. (!) Apparently she left after everyone else but flew here the whole way to catch up!

Bad.

Ass.

And they all helped him defeat a death priest (or something) who was after me. I mean, okay. Julia helped. That…doesn’t count for nothing, I guess. I know mom and Nicon have trained her a lot and she’s freelanced a bit without telling mom. But now I have this whole group that seems like they’re sticking around for a bit? And maybe giving me some lessons?

This. Is going. To rule.

I also intend to provide you with instruction regardless of anyone else’s actions.

Really?!

Yes.

That’s…Ioun’s Wisdom, I don’t even know what to say! This is…am I going to cry? Fuck. No. I’m not going to start crying in here. Quick. Help me out.

Focus your mind on a task. You’ve mentioned these friends of your brother, but only just. Describe them.

Y-yeah. *sniff* Okay, yeah.

Breathe deeply and slowly.

Nono, I’m okay. It’s okay. Thanks. I’ve got this. Okay, strong feelings first. Let’s start with that creeper.

So, Creeper Creepzoidington is basically like a broody shadow who shoots everyone dirty looks, and I don’t say he’s a shadow because he’s drow. Like, that’d be rude and also really inaccurate. I say it cause this guy loves shadows. Like, he loooves them - practically lives in them. They’re his home and they keep him safe and warm. Nicon says he’s already stolen from them, and I think the only time I’ve heard him talk was to swear. So yeah, whatever his deal is, I am not training with him.

Then there’s this other drow, Phaedra. I mean, I only point out they’re drow because they’re supposed to be really rare. Surface elves are, too, but not as much? And I think I’ve only ever seen one of them. And now? Bam. 3 drow. More than I thought I’d ever met in my life, and everyone’s reaction has pretty much been, “Oh, hm! What a perfectly normal occurrence!” It's just a little bit surprising.

Anyway, Phaedra, she’s about as different from Slimeus Slimeballius as you can get. She’s really elegant and nice. She came by later that night to see how I was doing. I didn’t feel much like talking, so…um…I didn’t, but she was really calm and polite about it. I could tell she knew I wasn’t really fine, but she didn’t press it. She just…did her best to be reassuring then left me alone. I kind of didn’t want her to go, but I appreciate that she did.

And how she moves! I mean, okay, so that probably sounds weird, but you should see her! She’s like floating silk or flowing water. She doesn’t even seem human, sometimes. Well, I mean, she’s not human, but you know what I mean. She’s just ridiculously graceful, like she’s dancing in slow motion all the time, and my brain wants to learn the secret to it so much it can’t look away. So yeah, her I would totally train with.

Then there’s this younger drow, Tsabura. (Tsubara? Someone keeps messing up her name, and it’s really throwing me off.) I thought she might’ve been be their kid or something, but even without speaking the language, I picked up that was not the case real quick. She’s super cute but really quiet, and – I mean, I don’t know if the same standards culturally apply (nor am I sure whether or not it’s rude to consider that) - she has such nice skin. She seriously just glows. Her skin is literally, physically lustrous. But she’s just so angry. Like, all the time. Also? Really sad. I hope we can be friends. I guess that’s a bit random, but it’d be great to have someone to relate to on a different level while on the road (more on that later), and maybe having a friend will help her not be so sad and angry.

It's weird, though. Like, no one’s saying anything about her, but she doesn’t seem like she’s been taking lessons from anyone, and she was pretty much dressed in rags? Mom tried to give her some of my old clothes, but that didn’t go so well. Maybe that’s why she’s in rags. Or maybe it’s a religious thing? Either way, I should probably stop calling them rags. When I tried talking to her, she barely even looked at me. Honestly, I’m not sure I didn’t just imagine the brief glances she did give me, either. I just...I want to know why she’s deliberately making herself so distant. It’s like a mystery my brain needs to solve.

Moving on, there’s this really cheerful gnome named Tielka. She’s...interesting. She’s covered in armor and has a sword that drips frost but somehow seems super approachable? Paradoxically, that makes me kind of nervous to approach her. She also sounded really smart. So I guess she’s...what? A friendly warrior scholar? I don’t know. I mean, the image I’d always had of paladins is super stiff and serious, all thees and thous, but this? It’s a weird vibe. I mean, she looks like she’s 20, but she’s got this really motherly aura making me unsure if I want to befriend her or make sure she doesn’t catch me at mischief, so she’s got that, “inspiring the best behavior in others” thing down, I guess.

She’s also got a huge dog named Axle with the best leg. I mean, omigosh, okay. So his natural leg would’ve been the best leg, of course, but out of potential replacements? This thing is, literally, divine. Like, it’s full of clockwork, but it makes almost 0 noise, and it moves with him. It doesn’t just sit there. I really want to know how it works. I mean, I’m guessing the answer will be something like 50% divinity, 40% magic and 10% mechanics, but still.

And then there’s Max. I’m getting to her last, but she’s easily the biggest personality of the group. (As befits a bard.) She’s pretty much the polar opposite of Broody Broodfacerson. She’s super friendly. She’s always smiling the brightest smile. She has a siren’s voice and sings all the time. She has a whole troop of animals who follow her around, all of whom I’m pretty sure she actually talks to. (I think they’re all named Annie for some reason?) And she’s so pretty. Seriously, everything she does is extra charming. There’s just something about how she moves, how she talks. Just like, everything she does is so captivating. There must be some lesson on mannerisms in bard college that teaches you how to keep people’s eyes on you cause there are like hooks on her gestures that grab the brain and don’t let go. Basically, what I’m saying is she definitely made the right career choice. Honestly, I wish she were a little quieter, but, well, no one can have everything, you know?

sighs

“You know.” I have to stop that.

This is your fifth time using that phrase in this entry.

Fuuuck, really?!

Yes. Would you like me to alert you when you use it?

Nooo. I mean- auuugh, Vecna blind it! Yes. Yes, please do.

Very well.

Thanks. Anyway, moving on...actually, I think that’s about it.

Oh! And Galen. But you know about Galen. Well, I know about Galen, but will you, hypothetical/theoretical mystery future person, know about Galen? I guess I should talk about Galen. I mean, honestly, though, it feels like it’s enough to say he’s the best oldest brother anyone could want. Aforementioned rudeness aside, that is. He’s just, I mean, he’s always giving me his time and teaching me the most interesting things, and he’s smart enough The Academy was too slow for him. So he just, you know, decided to go adventuring and-

That’s six times.

What?

That you’ve used the phrase, “you know.”

Ugggghhhh. All right, you know what? My brain’s clearly tired. He’s great, and I might end up going adventuring with him, which would be the best. The end.

…

Sooo, how do I stop...

You can do so in the same manner as you did last time.

Yeah, I’m not really sure what I did last time.

You need simply to “feel” your intent to stop.

Okay, so kind of like-

#That Which Once had Never Been #Althea brain journals #althea dawnwind #julia dawnwind #galen dawnwind #antiope dawnwind #the dawnwinds

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aparecium-hq · 4 years ago

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Name: Julian Wood Birthday (Age): July 10, 2002 (25) Gender (Pronouns): Male (He/Him) Blood Status: Pureblood Hogwarts House: Gryffindor Occupation: App-stronomer for Wix Wonders Tech Faceclaim: Brenton Thwaites

Character Teaser

It was not a fascination with muggles that spurred Julian on to kill his father’s dream of the perfect chaser trio, but the simple fact that muggles have progressed far beyond the magical world’s wildest dreams. After graduation, he applied to muggle university as a physics major, taking advantage of the Madley Industries prototypes to fit in—only to come back to a magical world steeped into muggle technology. Nowadays he uses his knowledge of muggle physics and magical astronomy to make videos on the world wide wix web (with mixed reviews from the students that watch them and the parents hovering over their shoulders) and program astronomy apps for Wix Wonders Tech (with eager arithmancers on his side). With all of the progress in the last decade, Julian is sure that it’s within his lifetime to reach his goal: to be the first wix to go to space.

Feelings on Magical Integration

There’s so much that the muggle world has discovered, especially considering that their tools for study of astronomy have far outpaced what wixen are dealing with. In spite of the magical world separating themselves from the muggle, the muggle world was still just as fascinated with the skies above. Julian was incredibly limited in what he could use to continue his study upon his return to the magical world, and he knows what muggles are capable of. If they can get to the moon on their own, maybe a little bit of magic can help them get to Mars.

Biography

If Oliver Wood could have seven children, he would—instead he had to live with only three. Julian Wood spent more time on a broomstick than his own two legs and became the default captain of Little League Quidditch. His younger brothers looked up to him and the whole family, save for his stepmother Daphne Greengrass, dreamt of being legends. With the three of them, they could be an unstoppable chaser team. Four years later the Wood brothers were all playing for Gryffindor, their chemistry on the pitch unmatched.

That is until Julian decided to take Muggle Studies.

It was an easy class, he had been told, just enough to get the marks he needed to play for Gryffindor. Why it was an easy class was another story: there were a handful of muggleborns there for the same reason, but not quite the same apathy as those who had grown up in the wizarding world. Julian was eventually pulled into the inside jokes that Muggle Studies was a joke… not because all of it was useless to anyone with a wand, but because muggles have far surpassed what the class was making them out to believe.

His muggleborn friends told him the cold hard facts that were somehow left out of the wizarding curriculum. Muggles not only had bigger telescopes, but they had so many ways to study the stars. So much more existed beyond what they learned in class. Galaxies. Black holes. Dark matter. Hell, muggles knew what Pluto looked like. All Julian could glean were the mysterious buzzwords they tossed around—but one thing that fascinated him the most was that muggles have been exploring space in the last seventy years. There were races about who orbited space first or who got to the moon first, which no book in their library seemed to cover.

Daphne had always been supportive of the Wood brothers’ dreams on the pitch, but she had always advised—or perhaps even hinted at—the possibility that there was an alternative. For the first time, Julian took his studies seriously for a reason that wasn’t meeting the minimum to play in the next match, unsure of why he cared so much now to make sure that he didn’t close the door something different than what he had been destined to be.

Especially since his new obsession seemed to collide in very messy ways with his current one, and he couldn’t find a way to reconcile them. Sure, wixen could design brooms to go higher and faster, but Julian had tried and there was always a limit. He wasn’t sure what subject would be able to push the boundaries, but he passed his Astronomy OWL with an Outstanding. That same year, the Madley Principles of Magic and Technology published their discoveries.

Julian had no doubt that he still loved flying. He still loved Quidditch and he still loved his family. But he turned down the captaincy to catch up on Arithmancy, forcing doors open that weren’t there before. Upon graduation, he spurned the Quidditch recruiters that came to visit, instead set on a ludicrous idea inspired by some light reading from Muggle Studies.

Daisy Hookum’s My Life As A Muggle pushed the envelope for its time, and even Julian had doubts about abandoning everything he knew for something he doesn’t even know would come to fruition. Even his muggleborn friends felt that he was being a little extreme for someone who had grown up in a sheltered magical world, considering that most of them didn’t go back to a world they no longer really belonged in.

But Laura Madley, in her infinite wisdom, thought it was a wonderful experiment; it would be a true test of their work if a wix could use their technology outside of the magical bounds. Julian was provided with the first model of the wizarding smart phone (though at the time the only thing he could do was call Madley Industries for assistance on arithmancy shortcuts he could use on a muggle computer) along with a small stipend and falsified transcripts to attend university.

In the muggle world, astronomy was part of the physics department. Julian soon realized that he was incredibly behind in his coursework even if Transfiguration and Charms prepared him a little for classical mechanics; at the end of the day, he was a wizard and he literally didn’t know how to do math. (Let’s be real, they’re not teaching calculus at Hogwarts.) He swallowed his pride and it turns out, the true meaning of physics was the friends you made along the way, while all of you suffer through all-nighters over pizza then getting trashed at the bar after finals. Still, it was difficult—and a little miserable, really—to keep about 98% of his life secret from the people he had bonded with, so there was a relief when he finished his degree and returned to the wizarding world on a more permanent basis.

Not without consequence, obviously. Julian’s brothers had all given him the cold shoulder, despite the fact that Julian was around for every holiday. He was a disappointment to his father, but at least Daphne braved going to the muggle world to celebrate his second graduation with him. His pureblood friends weren’t eager to have coffee believing that Julian was long lost to the muggle world. He had lost touch with many of his muggleborn friends from Hogwarts, and some were skeptical of (or perhaps even offendedby) his immersion because Julian got to live a life that had perhaps been taken away from them by the virtue of the fact that they were magical and stayed that way.

He had been fortunate that upon his return, the magical world caught the tech craze—and while the world wide wix web flourished within the fingertips of every witch, wizard, and wix, Julian was well aware that his access to information was still limited without the connection to the muggle web.

This also meant that it was up to him to make sure that the magical world had its eyes opened to the possibilities. Inspired by his university professors, he started a video channel that explained the muggle research and discovery within the framework of the astrology that everyone was required to take as a class at Hogwarts. His videos are rather popular with students, though there are more conservative wixen who have sent howlers about his content—to which Julian had to learn to reply back that there were other channels of entertainment for them to follow, if they were so bothered by what he was doing. Even if he did think it was hypocritical of them to use a piece of tech that has non-magical roots, only to criticize something that explained how it all worked.

Chaser or not, Julian was still a Wood through and through. The Wood family motto was all we do is win, and even without his father or his brothers, he would find a way. If not a first-place trophy, then he would be the first in something else. He helped pioneer the muggle immersion program through Madley Industries and became the first pureblood to graduate from muggle university. The first physics graduate to work for a wizarding company, Wix Wonders Tech, where he worked on a wizarding version of the muggle apps that already existed to track the stars and planets.

Yes, it was very lonely at the top. The despondency he felt as the only wix surrounded by muggles was difficult to shake, now that he had all of this knowledge and experience that very few understood. But still, it was experience that formed the truest trophy to be earned on the figurative mantlepiece in Julian’s head: he was going to be the first wix in space.

Connections

Lily Potter: Lily is one of the few wix that tests Julian’s apps, even if Julian himself isn’t comfortable with astrology. He knows that this is one of the markets he’s going to appeal to anyway.

Dominique Weasley: Although they both have very different reasons for being in support of magical integration, Julian appreciates that there’s someone there who feels just as strongly as he does about it. Little do they acknowledge that both of their reasons are a little selfish.

Vale Longbottom: Julian often goes to Vale for help while developing his apps, especially considering Vale’s experience with muggle and magical accessibility tools; however, Julian’s eagerness for more tends to drown out Vale’s suggestions for usefulness.

Julian is played by Pat.

#character bio #julian wood #taken #oc #pureblood #gryffindor #integrationist

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homenum-revelio-hq · 5 years ago

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Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Beth!

You have been accepted for the role of EMMELINE VANCE with the requested age change! We really loved reading your portrayal for Emmeline! We especially enjoyed the details you brought in about her family and upbringing, along with the fact that healing doesn’t always equal warm, gentle, and empathetic. We love having you on the dash already and are excited to see you bring this introspective healer to life!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Beth

AGE: 24

TIMEZONE: CST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I feel like I’m literally always around on Discord right now, even if I’m not on the dash. I’ve been trying to do replies at least every other day currently. Given the current COVID situation and summer upcoming, my activity probably won’t change until mid-August.

ANYTHING ELSE: N/A

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Emmeline Vance

AGE: 25

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Emmeline is a ciswoman who uses She/Her pronouns. If she were bold enough to use a label, bisexual would probably fit best, but Emmeline isn’t particularly open about her sexuality and desires. She’s always had more important things to focus on and didn’t really find dating worth the fuss. She’s had a few partners here and there, usually men, but Emmeline has never been in what she considers a serious relationship.

BLOOD STATUS: Halfblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Ravenclaw

ANY CHANGES: I wrote her age up there as 25 instead of 27 because with all the characters right at the same age, I kind of like the idea of her being just under that, of being familiar with them from school but not actually in that group. This isn’t a sticking point or anything, and I don’t have a problem with her still being 27.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Emmeline, a mind so fine, never really expected to shine. Cheesy rhyme? Perhaps. One that would annoy her? Oh, definitely. Emmeline is a person of practicality as often as is possible. Learning new things brings her great joy, but it’s as much about how that information can be used as anything else. Most of the time, Emmeline keeps information to herself. She’d rather be sure than spread false information, and when rumors at the subject of conversation, she’d rather leave things to be spread for themselves.

She has always had a deep fascination with understanding how things work, and sometimes that has meant taking them apart to put them back together. That problem-solving occasionally takes on a singular focus, which didn’t always make Emmeline popular among her peers going up. Given the right situation, she can be a bit intense. A lifetime of trying to monitor that intensity often has Emmeline defaulting to her second instinct: silence. It’s easier to wait and see what others bring to a situation. It’s easier to understand their perspectives, information, and biases when she doesn’t cloud it with her own first. Sometimes Emmeline will then engage in conversation, but if she senses a potential argument that she can’t win anyway, Emmeline often won’t try. She’ll leave it at that, whatever it is.

Still, as much as she pretends to be able to understand the situation as a whole, Emmeline knows she has shortcomings. She often fails to realize how infrequently the whole picture is considered. That’s not to say she’s more objective than most people. She isn’t. She’s just more likely to dig until she thinks she has the most complete story possible. Then she’ll dig a little more just to be sure. It means she has a lot of useless information, but it also means she’s not likely to argue back when someone is wrong when Emmeline doesn’t for sure know if her conclusions are correct. Instead she sits there quietly and just knows the other person is wrong.

Most people seem to expect healers to be especially empathetic. Emmeline is not. She does try. She tries to put herself in other people’s perspectives, but she’s much better doing that from a knowledge perspective than from an emotional one. “If I didn’t know why my skin was blue and steaming, I would also react negatively to someone else not knowing the cause,” instead of a more empathetic viewpoint like, “They are afraid because they don’t understand what’s going on.” She needs a bit of the concrete and the observable. Although Emmeline doesn’t externalize many of her thoughts, she struggles when other people do the same because she isn’t good at reading the emotion within the silence. At work, that’s easy enough to handle because she can ask patients how they’re feeling and coworkers for more information. With the Order, that’s a little more challenging, especially if it’s a conversation Emmeline isn’t technically in, just present for. They seem to happen often. After all, Emmeline is so easy to overlook.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Life isn’t easy in the magical world with a surname that hasn’t been around for the last hundred years or so. Margaret Baxter knew that better than anyone as the child of two muggleborns, but she certainly didn’t do any climbing by marrying a muggle named Allan Vance. She practically lived like a muggle too. It wasn’t until her daughter Emmeline was seven that she fully understood that some of her horticulturist mother’s prettiest and most exciting plants weren’t ones her classmates knew. Nor could any of their mother’s produce a couple drops of dittany to heal scrapes and bruises before giving the ever important kiss to finish making it better. Emmeline grew up in an almost entirely muggle household with little bits of magic that Maggie couldn’t live without. Emmeline had to learn early on which were which, and she needed to know which things couldn’t be mentioned to her friends. Her own magic was most likely to appear when she was trying to make things work. Allan walked into the room one day to find his favorite working model train floating through the air in pieces as Emmeline skipped between them, pausing every once in a while to inspect one. Maggie was able to put it back together, but under his breath, Allan would still occasionally complain that the steam puffed too realistically now.

Allan was a postal worker who believed quite firmly in the importance of hard work and dedication. Had he been a magical man, he likely would have been in Hufflepuff. While that work ethic was something Emmeline did inherit, she was always more like her mother, interested in understanding above all else. Maggie’s interests ended up in herbology. She had a gift for determining how to help plants flourish and cross-develop to create viable hybrids with helpful gifts. While Emmeline never shared her mother’s interest in plants, she embraced Maggie’s methodology toward problem-solving. It became an important step forward for Emmeline.

OCCUPATION:

Emmeline knew from fourth year on that she wanted to be a Healer.

She’d always been good at charms and transfiguration, and in her pursuit of theoretical knowledge about human transfiguration longer before she was old enough to actually do it, Emmeline stumbled upon healing textbooks in the Hogwarts library. They were all well and good, but they couldn’t tell her as much as a real teacher. She went to Madame Pomphrey initially just to have a few questions answered, but the woman knew so much about a subject Emmeline hadn’t realized went so many layers deep. Madame Pomphrey saw her spark and encouraged it, suggesting to Emmeline’s other professors side projects which might be of interest to the young Vance girl. By her seventh year, Emmeline was helping Slughorn brew a few healing potions and fetching herbs from the greenhouses whenever Madame Pomphrey asked. That gave her a head start on some of her peers when she applied for St. Mungo’s Healer Program and, when coupled with her impressive NEWT results, looked quite remarkable to her mentors. Emmeline completed the program as fast as possible, happy to be able to lend a hand and make a difference.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Emmeline learned early on that a person’s value is on what they can achieve, but the magical world is full of people who look at pedigree instead. She’s not even first generation. Not second either. She’s got two generations of magic flowing through her veins, but it’s not about the magic itself; it’s about the heritage that can be used as a weapon. Emmeline is not stranger to this weapon, and she watched it slowly grow stronger around her during her time in training as a Healer. From the first whispers of a group defying Lord Voldemort and his followers, Emmeline knew that was a group she needed to find. At first she didn’t know how, and Emmeline continued on as normal. She couldn’t sit idle forever, though, and it took a few months of listening around corners and staying quiet in the backs of rooms before she’d connected the group to Hogwarts. She didn’t know what it was called or who was involved, but if it happened at Hogwarts, Emmeline knew Albus Dumbledore had to know.

After graduation, Emmeline had continued to meet Poppy Pomphrey for tea at least once a month as they transitioned from a true student mentorship to friends. It was at one such tea that Emmeline revealed what she had learned and insisted that she needed an audience with Dumbledore about it. Poppy agreed to set it up, and less than a week later, Emmeline was a member of the Order of the Phoenix and already working to create a hospital space at the recently acquired Potter Estate. She found it a bit unsettling that such a young wix could have this kind of shelter to casually provide, but Emmeline wasn’t about to question it. James seemed sincere and wasn’t pandering to other purebloods, so Emmeline took it for what it was.

While she could do some to fight, Emmeline very rarely saw battle directly. Most of the time she paced around the Potter Estate until people started arriving back. She’d been pushed to her limits helping the Order. Emmeline was good at her job, but she hated that she had to strain so often. It wasn’t on her own account either. People shouldn’t be put at risk as often as they were. Still, they weren’t doing enough. Too many people got hurt for too little and sometimes no reward. Emmeline couldn’t stand it, especially when she suspected egos and misinformation contributed so frequently. No one ever seemed to be thorough enough when they clarified the facts, and even if they were, they shared half-truths. Emmeline has grown tired of people trying to hold things back. This is a war, and people are dying. Now is not the time to try and seem smart by keeping things to oneself.

SURVIVAL:

Emmeline’s life looks pretty standard from the outside. She lives in a small two bedroom flat and uses the second as an office and storeroom for healing supplies. She remembers to eat regularly and works her shifts at St. Mungo’s with no complaint. She checks in at the Potter Estate about every other day, even if it just means reorganizing her supply of pain potions. She hears things and she absorbs the information, and that cycle had become a bit of a sticking point in her life. Emmeline is so afraid of not being there when someone needs her that she’s allowed basically everything else in her life to slip into the background.

It was easy for her friends and family members to believe that Emmeline was just throwing herself into her work, perhaps too easy. There’s no turning back now, though. Emmeline made a choice, and it’s one she intends to see through. Some days that just means getting through to the next one. She has no idea what the future holds, and at this point, Emmeline is almost afraid of what comes after because it’s easier unimaginable horror or unknowable potential.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Emmeline is perhaps one of the people devoting the most time to the Order, and much of that is in direct service to her fellow members. One might expect that to translate to having more close confidantes in the group, but Emmeline doesn’t take it personally. She’s never been the most popular person in a room. Plus, not being the center of attention has its advantages.

One of those advantages is that she isn’t expected to respond positively if pureblood Order members mention their supremacist families. She hates hearing about it, and that’s just one more reminder that some people in the Order have more to lose than others if Lord Voldemort wins. People like Alice Longbottom have a safety net, family who would assumedly welcome them back, if there’s anything to forgive at all.

She knows that distrust doesn’t breed strong teamwork, but even the people she has no reason to mistrust don’t always leave Emmeline particularly inspired. So many of the members rush to conclusions without the proper facts to back them up, and Marlene McKinnon seems to be one of the worst. That’s not fair, Emmeline knows. She doesn’t know the witch’s full situation, but when every incorrect thing out of her mouth is said with such confidence, it’s hard not to take it personally. Marlene isn’t alone in this unfortunate attitude, but she is perhaps the one Emmeline is stuck dealing with most often. Emmeline tends to stay curt and to the point before quickly slipping away to find someone else for better assistance.

When group meetings so often don’t actually say what they’re meant to say, Emmeline grows frustrated and bored in them. Lately she’s taken to watching others in the circle at such things, and of late, she’s found a kindred soul in Peter Pettigrew. She wishes more people were like them, watching and learning instead of just assuming. She thinks meetings could run more efficiently then. The whole Order could really.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: I have no specific hopes or desires for Emmeline. Romance is far from a primary motivator for her, so it would take good chemistry to start anything.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Emmeline would consider herself fairly open-minded, if only because she likes to take all the information available, find more, and then use it to come to a conclusion. She isn’t going to hop on any fearmongering broomstick over werewolves being isolated when all the research and Madame Pomphrey can tell her they’re incapable of causing any more damage than the average wix during most phases of the moon. That’s the logic that Emmeline applies to a lot of people problems.

That said, she really doesn’t have time for people who refuse to learn. The world is full of information, and one of the most important things about learning is the ability to acknowledge when your previous understanding was incorrect and move on. Emmeline’s not sure she’s ever met a pureblood who could truly do that. They loved to pretend they understand what the world is like, even when they’re talking about things they don’t understand. Most don’t know anything about the muggles they claim to be so much better than. It absolutely frustrates her because the knowledge is right there. Unlike wizards, muggles don’t try to hide what they have and pretend it’s much better. They don’t even have television for Morgana’s sake! Muggle technology and medicine could be readily available if wix just got over themselves long enough to see it.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? I told myself I wasn’t going to apply for a fourth. That said, I have the time, am enjoying the writing, and felt the call for someone to round out my little collection. I don’t have anyone as level-headed as Emmeline or who manages to carry their confidence without arrogance like she does. I’m excited for the possibilities she creates.

PLOT DROP IDEAS: I do think it would be interesting down the line for someone to challenge Emmeline on something she feels passionately about. Maybe the Order could get ahold of something cursed/semi-cursed that Emmeline strongly disagrees with keeping around because the risks to themselves are higher than the potential rewards as a weapon? Perhaps there’s a building rumor or huge miscommunication that she’s heard enough (indirectly) from everyone involved, but she can’t get people to just talk to each other because they just keep assuming they know the truth when they’re missing major pieces.

ANYTHING ELSE? I love you all! You keep me inspired, clearly.

#homenumaccepted #harry potter rp #marauders rp #marauders rpg #harry potter rpg

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readyforit · 5 years ago

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Idk why but I have been here since late 2018 and dont seem to have any friends! Like how did you get to know people and you know.....

ahhhh hi anon! I don’t feel like I’ve got that many friends but here are some tips that have definitely helped me personally (because I know this would’ve been so useful to me when I first joined), and maybe they’ll help you too? sorry for writing so much but I hope this helped! you’re welcome to message me anytime, let’s be friends! 💕

1. be more open (or as open as you’re comfortable being!)

when I first joined tumblr, I was super intimidated by everything and everyone; to the point where I didn’t want people to know what my name (and anything else about me) was, I was just kind of lurking in the background; kind of too scared to make my own text post or send an ask that wasn’t anonymous and so on. but I think one of the best things you can do on here is be open (but only if you’re comfortable)! that can be little things, like putting things in your bio about yourself (like your name, age, pronouns, personality type etc), as well as making text posts about your life (like your current random thoughts, feelings, how your day went, highlights of the day, any issues you’d been going through, people you’d met, just anything - treat your text posts like your journal [just don’t be too personal in like revealing your school or workplace kldfjakjflkj] and just feel comfortable opening up about yourself and who you are, and I guess that way, people will be drawn to you and your personality! it might take a while, but tumblr is honestly the place to just go all out and there’s nothing to be worried about! just be yourself (and you’ll find ~your people~ lsdkfjldfjk)!!

2. interact!

if you want to get to know people or become friends with them, do it!! back when I actually had the time to do so, I used to send asks to blogs I loved all the time (like I’d wish them a lovely day or send them my wishes if they’d specifically made a post about something in particular, or like I’d send them asks from an ask game post that they’d reblogged)

you can also join networks, that’s one of the best ways to get to know people, in my opinion! I’m part of @tssnut, @networkthirteen and @theswiftweb, and you should usually be able to join these networks and servers (there should usually be a ‘join us!’ link on their page) and that way, you’ll be opened up to a whole lot of likeminded people! networks and servers are one of the best ways to actually talk and get to know one another, so I’d definitely think about joining them!

likewise, you could also invite people to interact with you (sounds weird lkdjldj). like you could reblog ask games (while also sending an ask to the blog you reblogged the post from), and just ask open ended questions in your own text posts? you could also just talk to the blogs around you in general (especially if you’re mutuals with them). interact with your mutuals! I find it sooo hard to go from being mutuals to friends, but I guess it’s just through interaction with one another!

3. don’t overestimate/underestimate yourself

don’t know how else to word this ldkj, but when I first joined tumblr (I actually just recently learnt to grow out of this), I used to be intimidated by like, every single blog on here. I just felt so isolated and like I hardly had any followers (confession; it took me like a year to reach 100 followers), and also like everyone had already formed their own social groups, and like!! I just felt like everyone was soooo cool and interesting and smart (with yes, lots of followers) and that I could never “get on their level” enough for them to want to be friends with me. but I guess I’ve recently realised that we’re all the same, if we’re on tumblr, we’re most likely just a dorkish clown ranting about the world around us. and I’ve learned that most everyone on here is sooo insanely kind and nice and sweet and lovely, so don’t be scared to interact (as in, sending asks, leaving comments, etc) likewise, I don’t know if this would apply to anyone dlkjdl, but it doesn’t help to think of yourself as superior or better than anyone else (like if someone reaches out to you, reply!!), we’re all on the same level and this is literally just tumblr, a welcoming and fun place for everyone!

4. have a specific… niche

I don’t know if that’s the right word, and I know a handful of multifandom blogs who do their multifandom things amazingly, but I think it’s a good idea to have a central niche/aesthetic/thing that you post about! (like I mean, you could join tumblr and be a taylor swift blog then slowly become a lana del rey blog, I don’t know) but I think it’s good to have like a central theme that you post about; this way you’ll draw likeminded people who you can talk to, and I guess it’ll just be easier to control…? like I have a lorde blog specifically for lorde, but this blog I have here is primarily taylor swift; and like all of my mutuals are swifties and blog about her, and so I guess I’m a part of the taylor swift fandom…? so I don’t know if this works for everyone, but it definitely helped me to mainly post taylor swift content (well of course, I only stan taylor dslkjdlj) likewise, you could maybe have sideblogs for other fandoms that you’d love to be a part of! I don’t know, I just guess it’s harder to be part of a fandom if you’re multifandom?

in addition, you totally don’t have to; but you could also have your own content! as in, like I make and post my own edits (I think that really helped me feel more included into the community; I posted my first edit in june last year and that’s when I slowly begun to feel more welcome?!). but you could also offer and host specific things on your blog that other blogs don’t have, like I know some people host discourse nights, positivity nights, and so on! if you’re comfortable, it just really helps I think, to bring something into the community and just create and manage and design something! :)

5. have a nice theme!

okay, this isn’t essential, but it definitely really helps to have a really nice theme! this includes a nice header (or lack of one; the simplicity can be really cool too), colour palette (FLKDJ WHEN I SEE BLOGS THAT HAVE VERY CONTRASTING COLOURS like green and purpleee), a nice url (at least one that reflects what your blog is about), a nice bio (like it doesn’t have to be long, like most people who take the time to look at your blog won’t read through a whole paragraph in your bio I don’t think?) and nice posts (like some people post like according to a specific theme/colour scheme and I think that’s really pretty but hard to stick to) you could also have a nice desktop theme, like there are soooo many theme blogs on here with beautiful themes that you can download to really spark up your page! again, this isn’t all that necessary, but it really does help to have a visually pleasing blog!

6. be nice!!!

this probably goes without saying, but just be nice and kind and positive; you don’t know how much it could mean to someone!! just be nice in whatever you do and post and say, that’s the most important thing you could do!! I can’t emphasise on this enough, but please just be niceeeeee.

andddd that’s all I could think of for now! but yes, I totally understand and relate to that feeling of being isolated or separate from the rest of the community (I felt so lost and distant from everyone in the first year that I was on here), but through taking the time to being nice, open and interacting with others (like seriously, you can message me right now!), you’ll hopefully feel more welcome into the community! love you!! 💖

#letter left on my doorstep #<3333 #anon

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reedrph · 6 years ago

Photo

REEDRPH

HOW TO TWITTER RP (A DETAILED GUIDE)

As per request, I’m about to tell you how to roleplay in the Twitter roleplay community if you’re interested in starting. This is just my take on Twitter roleplay, and I’m sure there are others with different methods. But I’ll try to break this down step by step with pIcTuReS because I fucking love pictures.

TLDR; (Because im lazy)

GENERAL

Alright so if you’re unaware what twitter roleplaying is it’s roleplaying via Twitter; though you’ll find all the roleplay mains on tumblr in the ‘twitter rp’ tag. Unlike tumblr roleplaying where you write in the third-person, for twitter roleplays you write in first-person. As it’s social media based your tweets come from a first-person perspective which means everything is ‘I’ based. However, it is not uncommon for people to roleplay out paras in the DMs just like how you’d write on tumblr.

Twitter roleplays are fast, everything is happening that day at that moment, opposed to tumblr groups where you may be doing a thread set a week ago. They’re great if you don’t have a lot of time, but still want to roleplay, or want to try out a more fast-paced environment!!

APPLYING

Honestly applying for a twitter group is pretty much the same as applying for an appless tumblr group.

Now something that I tend to see a lot in twitter groups (at least the last time I checked the tag like three months ago MNXBXNBX and from my experience running them) groups drop into the tag but often won’t have their app up for 1-3 days. During that time they’re basically just building hype and gathering an audience, so when they do open it’ll be a swAMP of apps coming in in the first hour. If you like playing a popular faceclaim (like me and Jungkook) I find I rarely manage to snatch him up before anyone else.

But the actual app itself is normally easy, a lot of the time it’ll be requested you submit it opposed to using the ask box (since they may be a little bit too long for it) so prepare for that!!

SETTING UP AN ACCOUNT

Once you’ve been accepted it’s common to be given 6-12 hours to get your account in. You may think this is a short period of time, but you can put together a twitter account in 20 minutes.

A common theme, that I’ve never really experienced is people getting locked out of new accounts, though from my history using an email and cell phone verification can prevent this. (if you include your cell phone number go into your twitter settings and disable letting people find you from your phone number) As well as people say not mass following a bunch of people all at once also helps, so only follow 20 people at a time (I’ve mass followed 60+ blogs and have been fine)

If it’s a new account (or an old one you haven’t touched in a while), just like a new tumblr blog you may not show up in peoples notifs!! You need to be active first, which is why you may see people posting “//notifs” before things are even open for plotting. This is perfectly fine and the only reason you should tweet beforehand!! If you notice you may not be getting any replies the first night this is likely why, which is why you want to post ‘notifs’ and like some stuff first.

Usernames

When it comes to usernames (your @) people typically play off their characters first name and try to make it funny or interesting. Some examples of my own characters past and present would be:

grayson2gayson

jacobgotjams

theSINinSINNER

Alliteration is a good approach!! Pick words that share the same first letter and it’ll run smoothly. Or sometimes people's names can be turned or related to other things like:

VANITYNOTFAIR

BEVERLYhillsbaby

There are also common name ‘starters’ you’ll see used like:

‘WTF’CARINA

‘STFU’DARREN

‘WTD’TYLER

‘GDI’JAKE

‘1800′MARTINO

Really it’s very similar to how names are set up on tumblr.

Display Names

Display names are a little different than usernames, they’re found above the username and is actually what people see first. A lot of the time people will put in memes, TV characters, inside jokes, quotes, song lyrics really anything. Two examples of display names from my own accounts are:

For one character I’ve chosen a play on his name for his display name that being ‘50 Shades of Grayson’, and for the other I chose a meme, which is ‘Do you take teardrops?’.

Really what you put in the display name can be anything.

Biographies

On every twitter account, you get a spot to put a biography this is where you can write a little blurb about your character, put in a quote, a joke, tell us their pronouns, and all that fun stuff. Though often if someone doesn’t know what to write for a bio you will see them just put “Bio for sale” as a little joke.

An example from one of my characters biographies which also includes the display name and username is as follows.

I just included a small amount of information about him, used the ‘location’ spot to include their pronouns, and then the website spot to link back to the main group.

Icons & Banners

Depending on what kind of group you’re in changes what kind of icon you may use. For instance, if you’re playing someone famous and rich you may use a shot from a photoshoot, or a magazine. But if you’re playing someone with a less glamorous job, it’s a bit more fitting to start out with a selfie or a candid picture of your muse. (Later you may break out the more HQ pictures, I find that happens a lot)

For example, if you’re in a less glamorous setting the picture on the right would be more fitting. While if you’re in a glamorous setting you can get away with more HQ pictures. (But tbh no one’s gonna question it either way, you’ll see people post photoshoot pictures for milestones a lot!!)

Banners can be anything, you can toss in a picture of a meme, an aesthetic (some people like to match their icons to their banners), if you’re in a ship it’s common for them to change their banner to a picture of the S/O.

Following the Main

Just follow them on twitter, sometimes people will send a little tweet with it like ‘// @.rpname character name has arrived’ or literally just “//@.rpname hi”. But for most all you have to do is follow the twitter main and they’ll follow you back, if it’s an unopened group they may not post a follow, but already opened groups always will!!

INTROS

Okay so you’ve gotten accepted and set up your account now it’s time for your intro. And intros change person to person, everyone has their own style!! I love graphics so mine occasionally are a little fancier, but not always!!

It’s also common to end off your post with ‘LMS to plot’ which just means if someone likes it you DM them to plot.

IMPORTANT: Do not post tweets or your bio before the main gives the go ahead!! (Aside from the ‘notifs’ tweets)

Option One:

No bio post, you just introduce yourself in a tweet saying something along the lines of

“//Hey my names Reed, I’ll be playing Grayson and i don’t have a bio but he’s a 20 year old solo artist who’s been around here for two years. They’re pretty chill and kind of over dramatic.”

Option Two:

The lists, since a lot of people roleplay on twitter only through their phone you’ll see a lot of bios posted through a note app where they write down some general info, sometimes in lists, sometimes in blurbs. It’s not uncommon for people to post their characters app in it.

Option Three:

As someone into graphics a lot of the time I find myself being extra and just making pretty intros. This is not at all required or expected, but if you want to do it, you can.

PLOTTING

Plotting goes along with intros, it’s extremely common for someone to have a wanted connections list, or just say ‘LMS to plot”. Which means you’ll go to the DMs to plot with them.

But there are also a decent amount of people who prefer chem over plotting, it all depends on what kind of person you are.

TWEETING

If the main as given the go-ahead to start tweeting then it’s time to think of your first tweet. Now as I stated at the very beginning of this, twitter roleplaying is done from a first-person perspective (with the exception of if you para in the DMs but we’ll talk about that later.)

When it comes to OOC tweets make sure to always start them with slashes ‘//’ (one or two whichever you prefer), this is just the way of showing it’s OOC.

A lot of people tweet for their characters, like they would for themselves. This is very common in twitter groups, everyone puts a little part of themselves in their muses. But it’s also good to find ways to separate them so you aren’t playing to OOC. As it’s not uncommon for people playing more of a self-insert to feel attacked over IC drama that is not OOC, just since they’ve invested so much of their personal self in them. I personally often play characters opposite to my personality IRL to avoid this, however, if you roleplay and put a bit of yourself into the character there’s nothing wrong with that!!

Your first tweet will always feel like the hardest, which is why I typically choose to reply to other people first to take the pressure off before posting my own. But this can really be anything you could say what they had for breakfast, post something funny, or just say ‘hi’, it’s honestly up to you there’s no wrong way to start. You can even post a selfie, typically most people do sometime in their first 100 tweets.

REPLY TO OTHER CHARACTERS TWEETS

This is so important, because one of the most common things I see is people who do not reply to other characters, but expect people to reply to them and then they start saying the group isn’t inclusive because they don’t have a lot of threads. But the first few days the dash is always super busy, meaning a lot of tweets will get lost in it, so don’t get sad if some of your tweets don’t get replies, not all of them will. So make sure you’re replying to other people, that’s how you build connections and stay included in the group!! If you ever see anyone posting to RPTs or sending anons to the main saying things are cliquey and you’re in your first 1-5 days, almost 100% of the time it is because they are not replying to enough things themselves!!

If you’re active, posting your own tweets, and replying to tweets you can get above 100 tweets in your first night. (I’ve gotten 500-600 on the first night before)

You may see a lot of ‘LMS for a DM’ posts too, which just means if you like it, they’ll send you a DM.

SUPPORT OTHER CHARACTERS

Do you see that selfie on the TL?? Go like and retweet it!! Even post a reply on it if you’re really feeling it this is a fast way to make friends. Also, retweet any milestone posts you see posted!! It’s always nice to get support on your own character, which means you need to do it for others.

Also you should get out of your comfort zone, roleplay with faceclaims you may not normally roleplay with, or characters you don’t know.

In the end you'll come to understand more how things work as time goes on, and typically very fast.

DIRECT MESSAGES (DMS)

There are two types of general messages in the DMs (well three, but I’m giving the third its own category)

The first is OOC messages, used to plot, or communicate with your partner. Much like OOC posts on the timeline, you want to always start this out with ‘//’.

Now for IC messages. These are written just as you would write for DMing as yourself, the only difference is you’re doing it IC. So here’s a fast example I made between two of my own characters to show you how it works. It really is very casual, and sometimes you’ll DM with people everyday, other times it may die out, it’s all about character chemistry.

PARAS IN DIRECT MESSAGES

So paras still do exist in twitter roleplays!! They just happen in the DMs opposed to on the timeline. Now there are two different ways of acting stuff out in the DMs and one of them is the para way (my personal preference) or some people kind of just talk it, which I’ll also explain.

When it comes to para’s, I’m not going to lie the most common times I see them happen is with ships, writing out dates or smut (no smut if yoURE A MINOR). Which you may lead up to happening through messages or hint at it, and then you just ask your partner

“//hey do you want to para this?” and typically they’ll say yes, sometimes people might be too busy. If this is the case you can just headcanon it OOC!! Which just means you discuss what may have happened.

So if you’re wondering what a para may look like, it could be something like this:

Now for the ‘talk’ version, it’s a little different, and I’m personally not a big fan of it, but if it’s my partner's preference I’ll do it. And basically you don’t write out the actions, you just hint at them in what they’re saying.

So an example of what that looks like is the following:

OTHER IMPORTANT SHIT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT

Milestones: Milestones are when you hit a big number of tweets, for example every hundred tweets. People often celebrate by posting pictures, or videos. Though I find once I pass 1K tweets I don’t do milestones for every hundred, but I at least do them for every 500.

Indirects: An indirect is when someone mentions your characters name on the timeline, this means that when you search the name and hit ‘from people you follow only’ you can see it. These are great for selfie captions, so if you see someone asking for an indirect, give them one!! An example of one would be if someone said ‘grayson is the wORST’, since they used ‘grayson’ I can find it in my indirects. When using this for a selfie caption you typically credit the person who said it with their @ for example if I made it my characters selfie caption I’d format it as ‘@.characterurl: Grayson is the wORST’. Notice the period to separate the @ from the username? This is so they aren’t actually are tagged and get stuck with your notifications for that post.

Quirk: Some people like quirk, some people don’t. Basically, it’s characters who post memes constantly, make a joke out of everything, and are just very extra. I find that a nice middle ground is the best place to be. Don’t let that be the only thing you post, and don’t be too quirky in serious situations. But a little quirk never hurt anyone!!

TWITTER RP LINGO

TL: Timeline

LMS: Like my shit/stuff/status

DN: Display Name

DP: Display Picture

DM: Direct Messages

RT: Retweet

BASICALLY THE DO’S AND DON’TS

Do:

Follow your group's rules!!

Run your plots by the admins!!

Reply to other people’s tweets (as many as you can, don’t be selective!!)

Post your own tweets!!

Retweet all selfies and videos you can

Be a welcoming person!!!

Don’t:

Expect people to reply to your stuff if you are barely replying to anyone else.

Take IC drama as OOC

Be a shitty person, avoid being racist, sexist, homophobic etc, etc.

Be cliquey

Guilt trip people for ships!!

Only look for ships / faceclaim hunt ships

Tag up on characters on the dash (if you see two people arguing don’t throw your character in, it’s overwhelming)

Turn people against other players characters. Even if you don’t like them, it’s not right to isolate someone like that.

Go to RPT blogs with your problems instead of the admins. You can’t solve problems that way, if you talk to the admins, they’ll try to help. RPT blogs can’t, which makes you part of the problem.

IN CONCLUSION

That’s it MNBVCXZ If I missed something you want to know, send me a message!!

#twitter rp guide #rp guide #rph #rpt #rpc #my guide

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waitineedaname · 6 years ago

Text

An Evolution of Friendship

Or: Karkat isn't quite sure why he cares so much about these assholes, but they sure are part of his life now.

also on ao3!

Sixth Grade

“You’re in my seat!”

The kid sitting in your - your!!!! - seat at the lunch table frowned up at you, blinking mismatched eyes, and spoke with a thick lisp. “There aren’t assigned seats, stupid. It’s not your seat.” You clenched your fists and continued to yell.

“I sit there every day!”

“So? I don’t see your name on it!” The kid challenged. “Go sit somewhere else, you’re annoying.”

That’s it. Dad was gonna be so mad if you got in trouble, but he shouldn’t have been the one to teach you the swear words anyway.

“Asshole!” You shouted as loud as your eleven year old lungs would let you.

“Shithead!” The kid spat back, bristling.

“Bitch!”

“Dick!”

You drew in a deep breath, and then yelled so loud it practically echoed. “Fucker!”

There was a brief hush that fell over the cafeteria, and the kid with the mismatched eyes gaped up at you.

“Karkat!” Your teacher had suddenly appeared, furious. “Silent lunch!”

“But-”

“No excuses! You should be grateful I’m not calling your father and telling him what you just said.”

“Hah!” The kid who practically started this by sitting in your seat looked smug.

“Oh no, you too, Sollux.” Your teacher said, and the smug look disappeared.

“What?”

“You were clearly antagonizing him. Both of you, silent lunch. Come on.”

You and the annoying kid - Sollux - were both ushered to the end of the table where the teachers could keep an eye on you. You sat opposite each other, both of you scowling deeply. You stuck your tongue out and got a tongue back.

You spent the rest of the week in silent lunch, making faces at each other from across the table. At first it was to piss each other off, making more and more obnoxious faces while still trying to be quiet, but it didn’t take long for that to dissolve into trying to make the funniest face and get the other to laugh first.

The next week, you were allowed to sit in your regular spots, and Sollux sat down next to you. You were inseparable ever since.

Ninth Grade

You could never understand why teachers fucked with the seating arrangement at least once a year. Just when you’re getting used to the people around you, you have to move? Fucking ridiculous.

Not that you had needed to get used to your table partner. As soon as your earth science teacher had said you could sit wherever but he’d change it after the first quarter, you and Sollux had plopped your shit down together, but still. It was the principle of the matter.

Now Sollux had been moved across the room to be table partners with Terezi, which you were sure you’d hear plenty of complaining about from both of them. Honestly, they would probably end up being the most productive pair in the room. You, on the other hand…

You had been paired with Gamzee Makara.

You didn’t really know Gamzee that well. He’d apparently moved to town over the summer, and he seemed to mostly keep to himself. He sat at the back of the room on the first day and always walked in reeking of weed. That was the extent of your knowledge and all you needed to know to conclude you’d be carrying the brunt of all the group work for the rest of the semester.

You dropped your shit on the table, and Gamzee looked up at you from where he had his cheek propped on his arms. A sleepy smile spread across his face. You answered it with a scowl.

“You better not expect me to pull your ass into a passing grade just because we’re grouped together.” You said right off the bat. Gamzee raised an eyebrow slowly.

“Wasn’t expecting nothin’, motherfucker. I’ll handle my own grade, don’t you be worrying about it.” He spoke with a gently dipping drawl, voice far deeper than a freshman had any right to be.

You were about to snarl something else at him, but the teacher started talking and you didn’t want to get called out for being the loudest person in the room again. After a brief PowerPoint lecture, the teacher passed out a worksheet to each pair with instructions to work together.

To your surprise, Gamzee sat up and pulled the worksheet closer to himself to read it. You had kind of expected him to sleep through the assignments and make you do all of it, but here he was clicking a pen and already scribbling an answer to the first question.

“Hey,” He drew your attention to the second question, “D’you remember the difference between marshes, swamps, and bogs? I always get my shit mixed up with them, ain’t had a chance to study yet.”

“Uh.” You blinked at him, then shook yourself out of your surprise. “Fuck, I don’t think I know either. Hold on-” You started rifling through your notebook, and Gamzee pulled out the textbook.

Well. There might be more to Gamzee Makara than you thought.

—

Tenth Grade

“I’m just saying, it’s a load of shit! They act like their class is the most important thing in the world, when news flash! It’s not! We’re all taking other classes, asshole, and extracurriculars too! But sure, I’ll dedicate two hours a night to all your useless homework! It doesn’t matter that none of this shit helps me understand the chapter any better and I’m having to do it in my scrap of free time between all the other dozen extracurriculars I’m forced to do!”

The three of you were sitting in Sollux’s car after you had finished gorging themselves on fast food, and you were yelling your chosen tirade of the hour as Sollux and Gamzee listened patiently. Or, they would be if “patiently” meant “debating the merits of strangling your best friend” and “two seconds from falling asleep draped across the backseat”, respectively.

“Who the fuck is forcing you? You’re in eight different clubs because you’re an overachieving dumbass and have no self control, KK.” Sollux countered with the exasperated tone of someone who’d heard this same rant a dozen times now.

“College is forcing me! And their unrealistic expectations! Oh, take all the hardest classes and be in all the clubs, and oh! You have to have a leadership position in all of them too! And a job! And then maybe we’ll consider you!”

“Man, you gotta chill out sometime.” Gamzee said with a laugh, shaking his head. “You ain’t gotta worry about gettin’ in anywhere, you’ll get into anyplace you apply at.”

“As much as I hate agreeing with the reigning idiot, Gamzee’s got a point. You stress yourself out way too much, and that’s coming from me.” Sollux grimaced. “I can’t believe I just agreed with Gamzee.”

Gamzee laughed in a loud way reminiscent of a self-satisfied goose. “You know I’m motherfucking right, brother! Wait.” He paused and seemed to be in thought. “Sister? Sibling?”

Sollux’s lips quirked. They’d come out as bigender to the two of you not too long ago, and it hadn’t taken too much trouble to adjust to their pronouns. Things like this still popped up every now then, though.

“I mean, both brother and sister work. I like sibling, though.” Sollux said, clearly trying not their hardest not to be visibly relieved that Gamzee was willing to adjust the way he referred to them.

“Hell yeah, my best motherfuckin’ sibling.” Gamzee grinned, broad and easy, and reached up to ruffle Sollux’s hair, laughing when they squawked and swatted him away.

You watched the two of them for a moment, hesitating. Something had been worrying at the edge of your mind for a while now, and Sollux coming out might be enough to give you the courage to talk about it. “Hey, Sollux?” You said.

“Yeah?” Sollux said, squirming out of Gamzee’s reach. “What’s up?”

“Do you like guys or girls?” You winced as soon as the words left your mouth. There was definitely a more tactful way to say that, but thankfully, Sollux didn’t mention it.

“Uh, both I guess. I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual.” They said with a shrug. You nodded thoughtfully.

“I think I might be pansexual.”

“That’s cool,” Sollux said at the same time Gamzee yelled “Fuck yeah, me too!”

“Wait, what? You too, Gamzee?”

“Yeah!” Gamzee said, grinning. “Motherfuckin’ girls are hot, boys are hot, non-binary folks are hot,” He added with a poke to Sollux’s shoulder, “Everybody’s motherfuckin’ hot!”

“Wow, thank you so much for the validation, Gamzee.” Sollux said, voice dripping with sarcasm as they rolled their eyes. “All my self esteem issues are cured because the head jester of the Kingdom of Stupid thinks I’m attractive.”

“You know I always got your back, sib.” Gamzee said, honking with laughter again. “Motherfuckin’ always.”

—

Eleventh Grade

“Gamzee, stop it! Leave him the hell alone!”

“MOTHERFUCKER BETTER WATCH HIS FUCKING TONGUE BEFORE I RIP IT FROM HIS MOUTH-”

It was taking all of you and Sollux’s combined strength to keep Gamzee from lunging at the little asshole in front of you. You didn’t know him, but he’d been making snide transphobic comments, pointing them in Sollux’s direction. Sollux had been ignoring it; they were used to getting shitty comments about literally everything else in their life, so they didn’t see a point in confronting some random asshole they didn’t know.

Gamzee, however.

Gamzee had completely flipped.

He had always been a little cagey about his life before he moved to your high school, but from what you’d gathered, he’d gotten into his fair share of fights - or at least more than you and Sollux had in your middle school career. It had been hard for you to imagine calm and friendly Gamzee fighting anyone.

It wasn’t hard to imagine now.

Gamzee thrashed against you, trying to get another hit in on the guy, and you yanked him backwards to the best of your ability. “Gamzee, you dumb asshole, chill the fuck out!”

He glanced down at you, fury written on every inch of his face, and softened for just a split second.

But apparently the transphobic asshole had never learned when to shut up.

“Yeah, listen to your boyfriend!” He jeered despite the already purpling bruise on his face. He said something else too, a slur that made your blood run cold, and if your grip loosened when Gamzee tugged against you again, well…

“MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL KILL YOU, TEACH YOU NEVER TO SAY THAT SHIT AGAIN, SNAP YOUR LITTLE NECK-” Gamzee had slammed him against the wall, using the significant height advantage he had over most of your peers to tower over this other kid. You and Sollux took a step back and watched in horror as the adults rushed in, pulling them away from each other. It took two adults much larger than either of you to restrain Gamzee and yank him down the hall to the principal’s office.

The assistant principal told you the crowd that had grown around your scene to go to class, and then turned to you and Sollux. “You two, come with me.”

You opened your mouth to complain, but Sollux grabbed your arm tightly and sent you a look that clearly read don’t you fucking dare.

The two of you followed the assistant principal to his office in sullen silence and sat down in the chairs pulled up to his desk. He sat down opposite you and frowned, looking both of you in the eyes for a moment. “You mind telling me what that was about?”

Again, you opened your mouth to start yelling, but Sollux got to it first. “Some twerp was saying offensive shit he shouldn’t have been saying, and Gamzee got defensive.” Sollux shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal, but you could see the tension in their shoulders.

“That piece of shit was calling us slurs!” You jumped in. “You can’t suspend Gamzee for defending his friends and you sure as hell can’t let shit like that be tolerated!”

“Mr. Vantas, you are in no place to be telling administration what we can and cannot do.” He responded coldly, and you snapped your mouth shut. He then sighed. “I will try to make sure Gamzee is not the only one punished. Okay?”

Both you and Sollux nodded stiffly, and you were escorted back out into the waiting room in the front of the office. He told you that he could write you a note back to your classes, but you made it very clear that you were going to wait for Gamzee. The two of you waited in apprehensive silence for what felt like an eternity until the principal’s door opened and Gamzee slinked out with the other kid. The slimy asshole disappeared out the door in a rush, but Gamzee walked over to you two with his hands in his pockets.

“What’d they say?” Sollux asked.

“If you got arrested, I’m killing you.” You added, and that made Gamzee huff out a quiet laugh.

“Nah, motherfuckers, just suspended.” He stared at his feet, scuffing one of his worn shoes in the flat carpet. “...Dunno how I’m gettin’ home, though. My foster dad’ll be fuckin’ pissed if I make him leave work to pick my dumb ass up.”

Sollux glanced at the clock and shrugged. “Fuck it. I don’t think I could give less of a shit about my English class right now. I’ll drive you home.” Gamzee looked up at them like they’d just promised to pay for his college tuition. “What? Don’t fucking look at me like that. KK, are you in?”

“Why the hell not, I’ll just go full fucking delinquent! This is what you’ve done to me, Gamzee. You’re making me a reprobate. Soon enough, I’m going to be selling cigarettes behind the middle school and stealing cheap alcohol, and it’ll be all your fault.”

You’d never skipped a day in your life, but you spent the rest of the afternoon on Sollux’s couch playing Splatoon. It almost felt like the events of that morning hadn’t happened, and when Gamzee hugged you both very tightly, you hugged back despite your complaints and Sollux’s teasing.

—

Twelfth Grade

“Terezi, I know you know which way the camera is! Will you turn the fuck around already?!”

Terezi cackled at your yelling, which you felt was a good summary of your friendship in five words, but she finally obliged and turned around. You grumbled and put your arm around her shoulders, your other one around Gamzee’s back where he leaned against you. Sollux was on the other side of Terezi and you had to reach over to smack the side of their head to get them to put away their phone.

“Say cheese!” Aradia said, smiling at the four of you from behind your phone as she took the picture. They could call you a mom friend all they wanted, but you wanted to document this. You were graduating, all four of you, and by some miracle, you were all going to the same college.

The miracle in question was actually the combination of you and Terezi’s sheer stubborn natures and determination to not break up the squad that had developed over the years - whether that be a new addition, like Gamzee, or someone who had been annoying you since second grade, like Terezi, or someone who didn’t even go to your school, like Aradia.

You still couldn’t believe it had happened, even though you’d been the one to orchestrate it. When you received your acceptance letter, you might have cried a little bit (okay, a lot, but really, was that so out of ordinary for your overly emotional ass?). Gamzee had been just as stunned - he’d gone through school with people telling him he’d be lucky to graduate, and his disciplinary record hadn’t made that easy, but you think encouraging him to explain himself in his short answer questions helped; an undying loyalty to his friends and defending them at his own expense had to mean something, right? Sollux and Terezi hadn’t been surprised by their acceptances in the slightest, the smug assholes, but you knew they were just as happy as you were.

Terezi dragged Aradia off to do god knows whatever mayhem the two of them got up to together, and Gamzee pulled you and Sollux over to sit down on one of the benches nearby.

“Man, I can’t believe y’all didn’t let me smoke before that.” Gamzee said with a laugh, taking off his graduation cap and undoing the bun he’d had to tie his curls into to get the cap to fit.

“The alternative was you sleeping through your name being called and making the rest of us wait for someone to wake up your useless stoner ass. I think you can fucking deal for a few hours.” You snapped back. “Besides, you have plenty of time to get blazed out of your mind before you come to the graduation party. Just don’t bring your bong or Kankri will throw a conniption fit.”

“Man, he does that already. Dude needs to motherfuckin’ chill out a minute. Hey, do you think he’d-”

“Nope. Don’t even try to get my brother high.”

Gamzee shrugged as if to say we’ll see and glanced down at Sollux who was oddly quiet between you two. He followed their gaze and chuckled softly. You looked too and snorted. Sollux was staring in Aradia’s direction, their face the perfect image of lovestruck fool.

“You’re such a fucking sap.” You said, nudging Sollux and earning yourself a glare.

“What?” They snapped. Behind them, Gamzee started humming something that sounded suspiciously like Sollux and Aradia, sitting in a tree…

“Oh, nothing, just that the biggest asshole I know somehow found a girlfriend that makes them the softest idiot in the world. You’re staring after her like a fucking puppy, who the fuck are you and what did you do with Sollux Captor?”

“Shut the fuck up, KK, I don’t have to deal with this shit from you.” They made a face at you and turned back towards Aradia’s direction. “Just because you and Terezi were dysfunctional, that doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.”

You were about to bluster about you and Terezi’s (failed and long-dead) relationship, but Gamzee poked your shoulder, leaning around behind Sollux to get to you.

“I bet she don’t get all of ‘em soft.” Gamzee said in an overly loud stage whisper.

“Oh my god!” Sollux yelled. “I’m going to strangle you two!”

“Aw, come on sib, y’know you be lovin’ us no matter what.” Gamzee said, squishing his cheek against Sollux’s and only laughing when Sollux put their hand flat in the middle of his face and pushed.

“I changed my mind, I’m switching colleges. If have to spend four more years with you assholes, I’ll end up killing either you two or myself.” Sollux said venomously, squirming half onto your lap to get away from Gamzee despite your protests.

“Aw, but then we’ll be at different schools!” Aradia suddenly appeared in front of you, Terezi at her side. “I’ll help you hide the bodies if it comes to that, though. Terezi, what are the laws on murdering your roommates?”

“Extremely illegal! You would rot in jail forever.” You’d never known someone to be able to perfectly personify a smug “>:)” like Terezi fucking Pyrope. “Of course, justice might have some… blind spots.”

“Was that a pun? Did you just fucking make a justice is blind pun?” You asked, affronted.

Terezi grinned in a way that showed off all of her teeth and you couldn’t help but be reminded of a shark about to tear its teeth into you. “The prosecution refrains from comment!”

“We’re not even on trial! How the fuck would you even be a prosecutor?!”

“‘Sides, ain’t it me and Karkat gettin’ killed here?” Gamzee added, having given up on his mission to squish Sollux. “Wouldn’t you be defending us ‘n all?”

“Gamzee, if a dead man ever found a way to get convicted, it would be you.” Terezi sniffed and looked down her nose at him - or at least she tried. Her face was actually pointed a couple feet to his left. She did her best.

“And if a lawyer ever managed to convict a dead man, it’d be you, Rezi.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment! Anyway, Karkat, your parents are looking for you.”

“Ugh, I’ve probably gotta go help them get ready for the party.” You groaned and extricated yourself from under Sollux. You got to your feet and brushed yourself off. “You’re all coming, right?”

“Duh.” Terezi answered for the rest of them, who all nodded their agreement. “Why wouldn’t we, Crabcakes?”

You grimaced at the nickname, and you knew she knew you were doing that, despite not being able to see you. “Just don’t trash my fucking house, okay? And don’t bring your fucking bong, Gamzee!” You shouted over your shoulder, walking over to where your family was talking to Sollux’s dad.

“No motherfucking promises!” He shouted back. You shot him the middle finger.

College should be interesting.

—

Freshman Year

It was 2:34 in the morning, and your dumbass roommate was still awake.

You’d ended up in doubles, and Gamzee had magnanimously decided to go with a randomly assigned roommate so you and Sollux could room together. It had turned out alright so far; Gamzee’s was living just down the hall with an awkward animal science major in a wheelchair that Gamzee looked at like he’d hung the moon, and you and Sollux had yet to kill each other because of being stuck together in close quarters.

The only problem was you were pretty sure you hadn’t seen Sollux sleep at all in the past week.

“Sol?” You said, your voice raspy with sleep. Sollux glanced over their shoulder at you, then turned back to their computer. “Why the fuck are you awake?”

“Go back to sleep, KK.” They said, not even looking at you. They just continued to type away at some program they were coding. You frowned and sat up.

“What the hell are you even doing?”

“My final project, and you’re fucking with my focus.”

You rubbed at your face, forcing some of the bleariness out of your eyes. “Don’t you have an 8am?”

“Yeah, and?”

“And it’s the asscrack of night, shithead! You should be asleep!”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“That might be sooner than later if you keep this up!”

Sollux shrugged and didn’t respond. Alright, time to pull out the big guns. You mumbled something about going to the bathroom that you’re sure Sollux didn’t listen to whatsoever climbed out of bed. You shuffled down past the bathroom to Gamzee’s room and knocked.

There wasn’t a response. You knocked a little louder and heard a muffled “Gamzee, wake up” followed by a sleepy grunt and the creaks of someone climbing down a bunk-bed. The door opened to reveal a half-asleep Gamzee. Tavros looked like he’d already fallen back asleep.

“What’s up, bro?” Gamzee said through a yawn.

“Sollux isn’t sleeping.” That was all you needed to say for Gamzee to nod and step out into the hall with you. Sollux had done this a couple times in high school, usually around exam week, and you both knew they wouldn’t go to bed unless physically forced.

Sollux didn’t look up from their laptop when you came back to the room, but they did jolt to attention when Gamzee leaned over their shoulder to peer at the work.

“What’re you workin’ on?”

“I’m coding something for my final - why the fuck are you here?”

“This is an intervention.” You answered for Gamzee.

“For what? He’s the druggie.” Sollux said, jerking their thumb at Gamzee. Gamzee just hummed lightly and pulled Sollux’s chair back.

“You need to sleep before you end up in the hospital. This is due, what, two weeks from now? I think you can risk one night of sleep.”

“I told you, I’m fine, I just- stop it!” Sollux squawked as Gamzee scooped them up in his arms.

“Nah, the motherfucker’s right. You gotta get some sleep, best friend.” Gamzee plopped down on your bunk, still holding Sollux tight. You saved Sollux’s work on their laptop - you were abhorrent at coding, but you knew how to do at least that much - and dropped yourself on top of them both. Sollux was squirming and scrambling like a cat trying to escape a bathtub, but their scrawny ass couldn’t escape Gamzee’s tight grip and your weight on top of them.

“God, can you calm down for three fucking seconds?” You grumbled, still tired from having woken up in the middle of the night.

“That’s rich coming from Shitfit Vantas.” Sollux snapped, but they finally stopped wiggling around. “I’m gonna fail.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. I’m going to fail this class and they’re going to kick me out of my major.” It was clear they were getting sleepy despite their words.

“The alternative is death. There’s no fucking dying allowed in this dorm room, got it?”

“I’ll die in Gamzee’s room, then.”

“Good motherfucking luck.” Gamzee mumbled, already half asleep with his face in Sollux’s neck. Sollux groaned and seemed to finally give in.

“I hate you both. You know that, right? You’re the fucking worst.”

“Just shut up and go to sleep, asshole.” You mumbled, passing out on Sollux’s chest.

Sollux slept until 4pm. They missed their 8am, but they didn’t fail their class. You counted that as a win.

Sophomore Year

You and Sollux were sitting on either side of Gamzee, both of you holding his shaking hands. The therapist’s waiting room was empty except for the three of you.

The past couple weeks had been rough. At first you’d thought the stress of school on top of working a couple jobs to afford the apartment the three of you shared had been taking a toll on Gamzee, and it probably had been, but it became clear something else was at play.

He’d been acting erratically, his mood swinging from calm to angry much more than it ever had. He shirked his responsibilities, skipped all his classes, locked himself in his room, looked at you and Sollux like he didn’t recognize you. You’d seen him angry before, just a handful of times, and it was a frightening experience, but you’d never had it turned on you before this past week. He seemed like he was itching for a fight and didn’t know where he was.

Whatever episode it had been, it was over now, and Gamzee was miserable. It was Sollux who took the initiative, who insisted he go to a therapist. You both promised to go with him, and you had a feeling that’s what convinced him to go.

“Gamzee?” A kindly looking woman appeared at the end of the hallway. She smiled at the three of you. “You can come down now if you like.”

Gamzee took a shaky breath and you squeezed his hand. “Do you want us to come with you?” You asked, and he nodded. The three of you got up and followed the therapist to her office.

The therapist asked some questions that you expected; this was supposed to be an initial assessment to figure out where to start with Gamzee’s mental health. When scheduling the appointment, you’d mentioned the oddness of the past couple weeks, so that’s where she started. He told her what you’d assumed: he hadn’t been thinking clearly, there was some disconnect with reality, he couldn’t control his mood, how he’d felt like he could and should do anything. That all you could’ve gathered from the outside. But when she asked if he’d been hearing or seeing things that weren’t there, you were surprised, even more so when Gamzee hesitated and said “I-...Yeah. So motherfucking loud…” You had no idea, and it took all your willpower to not bombard Gamzee with questions. She kept talking to him, gentle and comforting the whole time, asking how he felt now (miserable, guilty, exhausted), if this had happened before (not this motherfucking much), if mental illness ran in the family (ain’t never fuckin’ known his dad to be anything but angry, and he ain’t been in the old man’s house since he was a little kid, anyway. Brother get real angry too sometimes, but not that bad, he’s nice enough, ain’t never hurt him).

When their appointment time was up, she pulled out a business card and scribbled something on the back. “I’m going to refer you to a psychiatrist friend of mine. That way you can get a second opinion and get on a prescription.” She said, handing him the card.

Gamzee looked at the card, then at her, confusion written on his face. “Prescription? I ain’t got a cold or nothin’.”

“If she agrees with my diagnosis, she’ll probably prescribe you anti-psychosis medication.” You heard Gamzee’s breath hitch beside you. “I believe you might have schizoaffective disorder.”

“Motherfucker, what?”

“It’s a common disorder where someone exhibits symptoms of schizophrenia and a mood disorder.” She seemed to sense Gamzee’s rising panic and was quick to try to reassure him. “I know it sounds scary, but it can be treated, I promise. Medication and therapy go a long way.” A light flashed on her wall notifying her that her next patient had arrived, and she stood, prompting the three of you to stand as well, Gamzee much more slowly than you and Sollux. “I’m afraid I have another appointment right now, but I’d be happy to schedule you in again next week, alright?”

Gamzee didn’t respond, still staring at the business card numbly, so Sollux jumped in. “We’ll call you.” They said, tugging Gamzee towards the door.

You passed the therapist’s next patient in the hall and found yourselves in an empty waiting room again. Gamzee was still silent between you two.

“Gamz?” You asked. “Are you okay?”

“No I motherfucking am not.” Gamzee sighed. Sollux peered over at the business card.

“That’s the psychiatrist I go to for my meds. She’s pretty nice.” They said, and both you and Gamzee stared at them in surprise.

“Since when the hell do you take meds?” You asked.

“Since this past summer.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it didn’t come up! Excuse me for not walking around declaring ‘guess what, I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar type II disorder!’” Sollux folded their arms defensively. They looked at Gamzee and sighed, their posture softening. “Look. I’m not gonna lie to you and say this shit doesn’t suck. Getting diagnosed with a mental illness? Realizing you’re not functioning the way you should be? Having to take medication to get your brain to cooperate and release the right chemicals? It all fucking sucks. But you’re not the only one going through this shit, okay? Medication helps. Going to therapy helps. And if you ever feel like your brain is plotting your own demise, chances are high that you can come to me and be like ‘hey Sollux, I hate having a brain right now’ and I’ll be like ‘oh shit, me too!’ and we can lay on the kitchen floor and have a depressive episode together while Karkat, I dunno, yells positive affirmations or something. Trauma thunderdome featuring our loud, encouraging roommate.”

“I wouldn’t yell at you if you were having a depressive episode!” You protested.

“Yes you fucking would. Yelling is just your default state of talking. Is Karkat’s mouth open? Then he’s yelling.” Sollux rolled their eyes. Gamzee laughed weakly and rubbed at his eyes.

“Fuck, y’all, I’m-” Gamzee took in a shaky breath and tugged both of you in with his long arms for a tight hug. “I’m so fuckin’ grateful for whatever motherfucking miracle it was that brought y’all in my life.”

“The miracle was Mr. Webb in ninth grade.” You mumbled, face half squished against Gamzee’s chest. Why were all of your friends so stupidly tall? It was uncalled for. You hugged him back.

“I definitely wouldn’t call Mr. Webb a miracle.” Sollux said, and their thin arms wrapped around you both. “He cared more about the basketball team’s scores than our grades.”

“He’s a motherfuckin’ miracle if he got me to meet my best friends in the whole motherfucking universe.” Gamzee’s voice sounded thick and you pulled back to get a look at him.

“Are you crying?”

Gamzee rubbed at his face and let out a watery laugh. “Guess I motherfucking am. I just can’t believe y’all give a shit about me.”

“Big dumb idiot.” You grumbled, grabbing a box of tissues from a nearby table. “You should know by now that we give more than a shit about you.”

“What’s more than a shit?” Sollux asked. “A full bowel movement?”

“That’s disgusting, but yes. We give a whole bowel movement about you, Gamzee. You’re the food being digested and going through the intestinal tract of friendship. Got it?”

Gamzee laughed and took the tissues from you, wiping at his face. “Yeah, motherfucker, I get it.”

“Come on,” Sollux jingled their keys at you, “Let’s move this cry session home. I’m tired of standing in this fucking waiting room.”

“What, you don’t like the decorations?” Gamzee teased, which was encouraging return to normalcy. “Look, they even got a cute lil clown painting, I didn’t even see this motherfucker earlier.”

“I especially hate that decoration.” Sollux said, making a face.

“If you even think of decorating our apartment with clowns, I’m evicting you. Do you hear me?” You added, backing Sollux up.

“What, not even my room?” Gamzee put his hands in his pockets and started to follow Sollux to the door. “No fuckin’ clown posters? Some juggling clubs maybe? Make a motherfuckin’ carnival out of the place.”

“If you want to turn your room into more of a circus than it is already, I can’t fucking stop you, but it better stop at the doorway, so help me god.”

“Hell yeah, motherfucker. Might pick up the unicycle too.”

“Every time I think I understand you, you just say shit like that and I have to reevaluate how fucking weird you are.” Sollux said, shaking their head. “Are we going or what?”

“Yeah, motherfucker, we’re going.” Gamzee said, and the three of you left the office.

Junior Year

“You’re overthinking this, KK.”

“I am not overthinking this! I am thinking precisely the right amount for the situation! It just so happens that the situation warrants a fuck ton of thinking!”

“Man, I told you, just suck the motherfucker’s dick.”

You glared darkly at Gamzee, who was currently stealing grapes from the fridge and giving you an amused look. Sollux spoke before you could verbally rip him to shreds.

“It’s an anniversary gift, GZ. It has to be something he doesn’t do all the time already.” They said, audibly bored despite the smirk they gave you when you turned your outraged look on them. “What? We all know you suck dick.”

“That’s not the fucking point!” You argued. Sollux rolled their eyes.

“Right, get angry that I implied you’re sexually active with your boyfriend. Great fucking logic, 10/10.”

“The point-” You continued, raising your voice even louder, “Is that this is our first anniversary! It demands a grand romantic gesture!”

“Just buy him flowers or something, you overly dramatic mollusk enthusiast. Dave’s fucking smitten with you, I’m pretty sure he won’t give a shit if it’s not peak romance.”

You started to argue, then paused and processed what they’d just said. “What the fuck does mollusk enthusiast even mean? What the hell?”

“You know, mollusks. Because you have a hermit crab?”

You stared at them for a long second. “...You dumb son of a bitch, do you mean crustaceans?”

“Eh, mollusks, crustaceans, whatever, you’re the enthusiast here.” Sollux waved you off. “The point is that you could probably write a love note on Dave’s toilet seat and he’d still have the doki dokis for you.”

“It doesn’t matter if he’s satisfied with the bare minimum! He deserves more.” You huffed and buried your face in your arms on the table. There were a few moments of silence where apparently Sollux was making some kind of facial expression at Gamzee because you heard him say “motherfucker, don’t ask me to help him, I don’t know shit.” That made you shift to glare at Sollux across the table. “Yeah, Gamzee doesn’t know shit, but you do. You’ve celebrated anniversaries with Aradia and Feferi, what the fuck did you do?”

“I don’t know, it’s different for each of them.” Sollux sighed, resigning themself to give you actual advice. “I usually choose an event that they like that we wouldn’t normally go to. Feferi and I have only had one anniversary so far, but we went into the city and I bought her a nice dinner and we saw a concert. Aradia and I have a tradition of going to a graveyard she hasn’t been to yet so she can live out her goth date fantasies. For our joint anniversary, they took me to get beekeeping lessons. It was fun.”

You wrinkled your nose. “I don’t know about a graveyard or beekeeping, but… dinner might work.”

“I can send you some of the places I was considering for Feferi.” Sollux offered, and okay, maybe they weren’t the worst friend.

“Hey, the brother’s at likin’ dead shit, right?” Gamzee asked, sitting down next to you and offering his bowl of snacks.

“That’s the creepiest way of saying he likes paleontology, but yes, he does. Why?” You said, grabbing a handful of chips.

“You know that science museum Tavros’s working at? They’re hosting some collection, full of dinosaur bones and shit. Supposed to be pretty fuckin’ cool.”

“Why didn’t you lead with that, asshole, instead of suggesting I suck his dick a million times?!”

Gamzee shrugged, grinning easily at you. “That idea still ain’t off the fucking table.”

“Hopefully there won’t be any fucking on the table.” Sollux interjected. “We all eat here and I don’t trust you to not have warts on your ass.”

“That’s fucking rich coming from someone greasy enough to put KFC to shame! I don’t know why you ever get your oil changed at the Kia dealership, you could probably just wring out your pillowcase into the tank and you’d be good! Do you have an agreement with Burger King so they can get the formula to their greasy garbage from studying your pores? Are your girlfriends aware that they’re dating a Checkers wrapper?”

“Jesus, KK, take a breath, what the fuck. I don’t want to have to explain to the EMTs that you asphyxiated because you were defending your ass warts.” Sollux shook their head, more than used to your raging at this point. Gamzee patted your head absently, but you were pretty sure he’d already checked out of the conversation.

You huffed loudly, but for all your grumbling, there was still a tiny part of you that was deeply grateful for your friends. They were fucking weird and total assholes, but then again, weren’t you? You’d been friends through the embarrassment that was middle school, the stressful hell of high school, the chaos that was your entry into adulthood. Together for the good times, splurging on bad food and wrecking each other in Mario Kart, and for the bad times, pulling Gamzee away from fights and making sure Sollux ate during their depressive episodes. Sure, your friend group was larger than you’d admit, made up of a combination of the people you’d known since you were a kid, like Terezi, and the new people you’d met in college, like Kanaya, and that friend group was only growing as you got to know a vast web of friends through Dave, but Sollux and Gamzee still stood out. They were your best friends, and they meant the world to you.

Ugh. You grimaced the moment that embarrassingly fond thought crossed your mind. Lucky enough for you, Sollux had started trying to throw grapes in Gamzee’s mouth and their atrocious aim meant you got a grape in the eye at a high enough velocity to make you screech, and the moment had effectively passed.

Yep. These were your friends, and you were stuck with them. For better or for worse.

#homestuck #karkat vantas #sollux captor #gamzee makara #terezi pyrope #aradia megido #my writing #okay to reblog #i love this au!!!!!! and i love them #college au #i can't believe i've managed to write two fics in a row over 5k wow #me a touchstarved aroace: hhhhhhhh platonic cuddles...............

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renardtrickster · 6 years ago

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ThePedanticRomantic Rebuttal: “Traps” Don’t Exist And Here’s Why

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This video has been out for a month, so maybe nobody cares about it. I made a previous debunking, but decided to re-do it. If you still care, you’ve come to the right place. If you don’t, then why are you still reading? There’s two other rebuttals on this, one which I’ll link because I liked the video, the other I won’t because... I didn’t.

First thing’s first, kudos to PR for clarifying the Lily Hoshikawa situation. Really frustrated at people trying to weave Lily into what she isn’t. Unfortunately, that’s about the only good thing I have to say about this video.

Second thing, before we move onto The Beef. Neither Astolfo nor Ferris/Felix Argyle are nonbinary/trans. Astolfo does use they/them pronouns sometimes and their gender is listed as a secret sometimes, but they also use he/him pronouns, and get listed as male. Astolfo has a very teasing personality, liking to mess with people, and that’s painting the medium by reflecting that mindset in some of the official guides and stuff. That’s the exact same tier of joke as a girl’s character sheet listing her weight as “that’s rather rude to ask”, but you somehow believed that was an official sources even though that only happens sometimes.

The Felix situation is even more blatant ignoring of the actual character. The reason Felix acts girly is because Crusch, the lady of house Karsten, is something of a tomboy and people expecting her to act like a real lady gets in the way of her work. They made a promise to each other, with Felix lending Crusch his “knightly side” and Crusch lending Felix her “girlish side”, so Crusch would be unobstructed in her duties and Felix could excel at serving her better. Demanding to be called Ferris and declaring himself a “pretty girl” is part of this, so he could seem more feminine and “make up for” Crusch and otherwise hold up the promise. Blocking secondary sex characteristics is also this. If he went through puberty and became more man-ish, that would break the promise because he couldn’t be girlish like what he promised. Felix doesn’t actually identify as a girl. He outright says he is a man “in both body and soul” and one chapter is outright titled “Felix Argyle is a pretty boy”.

ThePedanticRomantic used Lily’s backstory, context, and character to point out how she was trans, but completely glossed over all of that for Astolfo and Felix to lie about them being nonbinary and trans respectively. It’s incredibly transparent (pun not intended), because Lily’s explanation takes the first 5 minutes of the video, Astolfo gets 10 seconds, and Felix gets a minute.

Second, the video really bothers me as someone who is vaguely interest in language, lexicon, and all that junk. Pedantic spends several minutes talking about how Trap evolved from “crossdressing boys who make pingy feel funny” to trans and other similar identities too, making the point that the language is too fluid to just say “well that one’s wrong”... But then she says that because it’s gone too far, it’s unable to be reclaimed or used non-offensively? That’s doublethink so bad I got whiplash and am now typing from the hospital. Language can have multiple uses, but still have “wrong” use. Like, let’s look at “Lterally.”

Speaking on strict terms, Literally means “exactly, without exaggeration”. “That bear was literally nine feet tall”. But people also use literally in a figurative sense. “That bear was literally the size of a house”. I’m sure there’s a proper word for this, but it’s taken on a slang connotation. Both of those sentences were “correct” in that they both flow correctly, and you get what the person means, but by the book, the second person was incorrect because that’s not what the word means, and they stretched it for some purpose.

Similarly, let’s look at “trap”. “Bridget from Guilty Gear is a trap” is correct because this fits the original definition of the term, and the intent of the usage aligns with what the majority of people mean when they say this, contrary to what the video would have you believe. “Erica Anderson from Catherine is a trap” is incorrect because she, a trans girl, doesn’t fit the original definition of the term, and even though you know what people are egging at when they say this, they are the minority, and the vast majority would agree that they are using the word wrong, in addition to the fact that they’re probably dicks or at the very least misinformed.

Additionally, Jasou and Otokonoko, while I like those words and a buddy o’ mine even uses them frequently, are not the solution. First of all, you even said that the history included both crossdressing men, and trans women. So does Trap and Drag Queen and any other word implying some degree of not conforming to gender roles. This seems to be saying that Jasou and Otokonoko are “good” simply because they haven’t been “tainted” yet. Tying into the second point, what’s to stop transphobes and Edgy People and other buttheads from adopting Jasou and Otokonoko and use those to refer to trans people. At best, we’re just rotating words and sooner or later, we’ll be right back at square one. At worst, you’re actively ringing a dinner bell for them. You know that these kinds of people love jumping on “safe words”, mandating a newer, gooder word that doesn’t have offensive connotation will just encourage them to use it in an offensive sense, and then we’re back to square one.

Perhaps the biggest one of all though, ties back into the idea I discussed with Literally. The intention of the user matters a whole lot. Trap alone is just a word with a few implications and meanings attached, but it’s nothing until someone applies it, and what it’s applied to. If a person calls a crossdressing anime boy a trap, that’s not transphobic. If a person calls a transgender anime girl a trap, that’s transphobic. Similarly, if you call a crossdressing boy a crossdresser, that’s not transphobic. If you call a transgender girl a crossdresser, that’s transphobic. If you call a crossdressing man a man, that’s not transphobic, If you call a transgender woman a man, that’s transphobic. You wouldn’t make a video trying to state that “crossdresser” or “man” are innately transphobic words and that we should stop using them and replace them with something else, you would correct the person using those incorrectly that it’s incorrect, and if they persist, you dropkick them like garbage into a trashcan.

And, while this isn’t as strong as the other points... The “far right memetic anime fan” burn says more about you than it does about any dissenters. If you end your thesis with “and if you disagree, you’re bad”, all it does is display a lack of confidence in your persuasive and informative skills on your part. To anyone who was on the fence, you guilted them into agreeing with you for fear of being called a transphobe, to anyone who disagreed with you, you just stacked the deck because now they’ll already have people predisposed to thinking them a monster, and to people who already agreed with you, you just pandered to them.

I’d also recommend watching this video by TheSMonroeShow. Seeing it on my dash inspired me to re-do this rebuttal, and he focus more on the general history and connotations and junk where I mostly focus on ThePedanticRomantic’s statements and how language works.

youtube

#thepedanticromantic #the pedantic romantic #trap #jasou #otokonoko #rebuttal #discourse #oh no renardie is posting #infoxicated

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hollowedrpg · 6 years ago

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CONGRATULATIONS, LINDSEY! — You’ve been accepted for the role of Arthur Weasley. I’m so happy to have an Arthur again so soon. He’s extremely important for some upcoming plots, and you do him such justice. I loved the way you write his relationship with Molly, and I can’t wait to see Arthur on the dash.

Thank you so much for applying. Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the follow list. Welcome to Hollowed Souls!

ooc.

name: lindsey

age: 24

preferred pronouns: she/her

timezone: cst

activity: to be honest, i’m not completely sure. i graduated from college (LITERALLY!) yesterday. lol so i can say that i will probably be extremely active as i have a ridiculous amount of time on my hands all of the sudden

how do you feel about your character dying?: i’m fine with it as long as i’m not getting the boot! although i would absolutely love to see molly’s return/discover that she’s actually dead before that point

anything else?: my graduation trip starts tomorrow and i will be gone until the 14th, but emily referred me here and i wanted to apply for arthur before he got snatched up! i can be around on mobile in the evenings until i return, and am happy to. i hope this doesn’t hinder my acceptance at all, but of course i completely understand if it does. if you need to, you can wait to make the decision until the 14th. thank you for understanding either way!

ic details.

full name: Arthur William Weasley

He admired his father from afar, struggling his whole life to feel heard and valued when his tongue always seemed to feel thick and twisted in his mouth. Their relationship was never perfect, but when Arthur had his first son, it seemed natural to pass down the name that was also his.

date of birth: 6 February, 1952

It had been snowing the day Arthur was born. He knew this because in the haste to get his wife to the hospital, William Weasley left their house without shoes on his feet. “Almost lost a toe, I did.” It was a story he grew up hearing, met in later life with eye rolls and sighs of irritation. It wasn’t until he experienced his pregnant wife going into labor in the middle of the night himself that he empathized with the panic he knew all too well.

former hogwarts house: Gryffindor.

Until he met Molly Prewett, Arthur would tell you it never completely made sense to him - why he was sorted into Gryffindor. He couldn’t get words out under the slightest amount of pressure, why would anyone think he could Roar with the Lions? Perhaps it was a sort of Grandfather Clause. He did, in fact, come from an exceedingly long line of Gryffindors. Did the Sorting Hat take pity on him and place him where his parents could finally feel some pride in their only son? Maybe. But then the day came that he tried to voice this fact and the response he got was instant. She came through a crowd like a bolt of lightning (shoving a few innocent bystanders to get to him) and looked up into his face with a look of angered determination. She told him he didn’t have to be loud to be brave. He pointed out the truth that she was quite noisy, herself. To this, Molly Prewett broke out in a grin that (though maybe a tad dramatic) Arthur would swear changed the course of his life indefinitely, and called him funny. And bold. Bold to call her, the argumentative eleven year old than she was, noisy. “See,” she’d said. “A Gryffindor.”

sexuality: straight, but with a jealous admiration for his sex.

gender/pronouns: cisgendered male, he/him

face claim change: no change! Sam Claflin is a lil peach.

more.

how do you interpret this character’s personality? how will you play them? include two weaknesses & two strengths.

Arthur is a quiet man with many thoughts, but few words. His intellect says nothing of his verbiage and though he doesn’t say much, his eyes tell all. There is a slight wonder that had he not been cursed with an abnormal tongue, he might not have had such telling looks. It is just that, however, a mere curiosity for he has no lasting desire to change who he is. Despite his earlier insecurities, he has come to accept himself for all his faults.

The true Gryffindor in Arthur Weasley came to light when he became a father in a world ravaged by war. He wanted to fight for his children, the woman he loves - the family that never questions his worth but sees him as wholly better than he could ever see himself. Everything clicked into place the first time he found himself face-to-face with someone who knew him from their days in school, someone who knew the jibes that would hurt him, and that he had a wife and children back home. He couldn’t place them behind the mask, but they knew his youngest son’s name. “Charlie, was it?” And something in Arthur snapped. He hadn’t realized just how protective he was of the things he considered precious until that moment, but it made perfect sense. What good is a father if he’s not willing to kill or be killed for his loved ones?

Part of the consuming love Arthur has for his family comes from the love he never really had for himself. In his youth, he didn’t care about it. He never focused on self-loathing, but neither did he see any good within himself. That is, as it always is, until Molly came blazing into his life, cementing her position to his left side. When he discovered that she reciprocated his love for her, he admired her all the more. How could she? But she was the smartest person he had ever met, so he wouldn’t dare question it - lest she realize she could do so much better than little old him.

The worry is consuming. He spends his entire day thinking. The gears in his brain churn faster than they ever have, taking his soul and ripping it to pieces. Is Molly still alive? Is she being tortured? Is she at peace, wherever she is? Did she realize how grand her life could be a simply fly the coop that disastrous day? He knows that last one is a bit off the rails, but when his mind is going, Arthur is lost to stop it. Bill might be off safely tucked inside Hogwarts Castle but the rest of his children are with him in Godric’s Hollow. At ten-years-old, Charlie, his most adventurous spawn, gets restless and likes to run off at odd times, causing Arthur’s heart to skip furtive beats. He’s never that far off, usually closely examining stray animals that want nothing to do with him, but Arthur fears one day he’ll be just beyond his reach in the midst of a tragedy (not unlike his mother was). Percy, who is six, is wise beyond his years and stays close to his father as if he can sense the anxiety distance brings. It is young Percy’s help that keeps Arthur from losing his mind over his rambunctious twins, who are barely four and already rebellious. His youngest song, Ron, who has entered the Terrible Twos, clings to Arthur whenever he is awake, making it rather difficult to give his six-month-old (and only daughter) the proper attention she needs. The worry never stops, the change in his daytime routine doing nothing to change that. The only time the young but aging father feels an ounce of serenity is when all the kids are asleep.

how has the war affected this character, emotionally and otherwise?

In her absence, he sees her. Like a ghost, she hovers beside him in his loneliest moments. Molly, the greatest love of his life, reduced to a figment of his imagination. When he longs for her uplifting presence the most, she appears. The first few times, she didn’t say anything. She simply left him stunned, staring at her like he really had seen a ghost. These little visits left him haunted for days. He couldn’t sleep but neither could he bring himself to leave the bed they once shared. His mother stayed with the kids, taking care of them in both their parents’ absences. He thought it meant that she must be dead, but a bigger part of him refused to believe that. This wasn’t her genuine ghost. They had been so connected for years. He knew how she was feeling before he even entered the house after work night after night for years. Surely if she was really and truly dead, he would feel it in his soul. Then he’d managed to ask her what to do aloud, and suddenly she replied. He peered up from the deep pit of sheets their bed had become and took in the insufficient image of his missing wife. “Get up,” she had said, and though it didn’t sound exactly like her, he knew what she wanted. Even as a sad duplicate of the real thing, she wouldn’t let him neglect her children - their children.

where does this character currently stand? with those who wish to hide in godric’s hollow until the war ends, with those who wish to rebuild the order and continue fighting the war, or on neither side? why?

With Molly missing, how is Arthur managing taking care of his children and continuing to be a part of the Order? Does he feel like he should remain a part of the Order?

These questions go hand-in-hand, so I grouped my answer to one longer explanation; I hope that’s okay!

Arthur gathered up his children, said goodbye to his quickly aging parents, and moved to Godric’s Hollow. Lupin had a point. They’d be hiding in plain sight because no one in their right mind would expect them to go where so much darkness remained. Dumbledore promised there would be Hogwarts-level protection on the village to ward off any more disaster. It felt like the smartest thing to do. The draw to continue fighting is there, but he has to think of his kids first. Their safety comes far before his own and the more his soul tells him to fight, the more he considers doing the hardest thing and sending them somewhere far away where they wouldn’t have to be a part of any of it. Time isn’t healing her absence, it is making it harder for Arthur to keep himself together. If he fights, will he finally find her? Will he uncover the truth, that maybe (God willing) she’s alive somewhere? And if she is, what torture could she possibly be enduring? Perhaps it’s better to hope that she’s dead, but the selfish side of Arthur knows what a fighter his wife is - and how lost he might be without her permanently. He remains a part of the Order in the hopes that he will be the first to hear of her whereabouts, determined not to give up just yet. He stays so that the concern and the kids don’t consume him completely. It’s not out of duty anymore. It has nothing to do with wanting a better life for his children. He needs to be the first to know when they finally reveal his biggest fear - that Molly Weasley is dead.

extra.

An extension of the Worry weakness;

Arthur tucks Percy into his sheets and lays a kiss to his sons head, says goodnight to Charlie who doodles in a journal in his adjourning bed across the room. As he leaves the room, he shuts off the light and pulls the door until it is almost closed. Through the crack in the door, he can see the dim yellow light of Charlie’s flashlight. He smiles because he can see his son in his minds’ eye, light tucked beneath his chin, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrates on drawing whatever strange animal he’s dreamed of the night before. In the next room, Arthur has to tell Fred and George to lay down and go to sleep, as he catches them playing in the dark. Fred leans over the top bunk, his small head upside down as he tries to grab the stuffed animal his brother, who is still laying on his back on the bottom bunk, has in his outstretched arm. Ron, in the lowered crib on the other side of the room, stirs restlessly. Arthur tucks the twins in tight, thinking he might invest in restraints - a joke that would’ve made Molly laugh boisterously, had she been there to hear it. He crosses the room to Ron and pulls the blanket up over his shoulders, tucking his stuffed rabbit into his small arms. His hand lingers on the warmth of his sons forehead - does he have a fever? If he does, they all will by in the morning and then Arthur will be dealing with six sick children for the next week. If Molly were there, they’d take it in stages, letting the other rest in the interim. It’s nearly impossible to deal with that many sick kids at one time, each needing something at different times through the day and night until they are back to normal. Arthur heaves a sigh and wanders out of the room, hoping the warmth came from a deep sleep and not an impending epidemic. He goes into his own bedroom at the end of the hall where a crib is pushed against the end of his bed - they couldn’t afford a four bedroom house, especially not with Arthur working half the time he used to.

He plops down on the corner of the bed, sleep pulling at his brain, begging his eyelids to close and he hears it. From inside the crib comes the slightest gurgling noise. He peels his eyes open and leans sideways to look over the bars. His small daughter is awake inside her bed, quite content with chewing on her wet fist. Her small feet kick at the air, her eyes blinking up at the mobile above her. It has little twinkling stars with reflective mirrors and colorful ribbons hanging from it. Arthur feels his throat tighten at the sight of her. The slight hair on her head curls like her mothers, her big, almond-shaped eyes are Molly’s precise color. She’s beautiful. Arthur heaves a deep, exhausted sigh and lays back on his bed, legs bent at the knees with his feet still on the floor. For the briefest of moments, he hadn’t been worried. He said goodnight to all of his children and reveled in the quiet. But the thought of Molly brings on a whole new wash of agony and he closes his eyes, pressing the heels of his hands into them. He would fall asleep just like that, sleeping deeply until the twins awoke him in the early hours of the morning already full of energy and ready to take on the day. But for a moment before sleep and a minute after waking up, he’d stop worry and simply lived.

#hp rp #rp #rpg #marauders rp #lsrpg #accepted

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thecloserkin · 7 years ago

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Wasteland by Francesca Lia Block (2003)

Genre: YA

Is it the main pairing: Yes

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: No

Is it endgame: Ahahaha no he’s dead from the get-go the book is about her processing her grief

Is it shippable: Depends on your tolerance for angst — mine is high so yes

Yes the story is far from ideal but I am of the opinion that it is a must-read for incest shippers. Y’all can safely ignore the publisher’s summary which makes it sounds like this is a book about her falling in love with some other guy, how he helps her “put the pieces back together” and “face the past that is haunting her.” Lol like >70% of the scenes are in the “past,” her brother is not her past he is her everything.

A couple of stylistic disclaimers before we get into it: The dust jacket describes the novel as “darkly opalescent” and “poetic and lush.” If that’s not your cup of tea then you know who you are. It’s not exactly Second Person POV but it might as well be: the pronoun “you” is the siblings’ special name for each other, so the chapters are told in alternating POVs and there is a lot of “you” this “you” that. Nonlinear narrative too but you probably surmised that from the “poetic” bit. Francesca Lia Block’s prose is spare and sharp but the plot is nonexistent and the character development is scarcely less so. It’s a slim volume, 150 not-very-densely-spaced pages with generous margins, and we already know what’s going to happen. Spoiler alert they were iN lOvE!!!!! What this book does have in spades, however, is alllllllll the best brosis incest tropes; checks every damn box. Spoilers ahead:

When you were a baby I sat very still to hold you. I could see the veins through your skin like a map to inside you. How could skin be that thin? I was afraid you might drop and break. I stopped breathing so you wouldn’t …. Then you reached out and curled your fingers around mine … That was the first time I knew I had a heart inside my body.

I cannot get enough of this - the instant, bone-deep, lifelong connection. I look forward to seeing it develop into romantic love of course but you cannot skimp on establishing the depth of their relationship prior to that. Let the record reflect that I am 132% here for the older sibling gravitating to the crib to calm the crying baby. You know what I’m also here for? Teenagers walking in on each other masturbating:

You jerked up and looked at me. You were in bed with the sheet over you and the room smelled close. I smelled your pot and beer and your smell — salty, warm, baked. I read in a magazine that women aren’t supposed to be attracted to the smells of their father and brothers.

She’s clearly aware of her burgeoning attraction to him but she’s also confused by it, and even more confused about whether he reciprocates. She’s barged into his room before going on a date specifically so he’ll see her outfit and her makeup and I don’t think it’s even to make him jealous — jealousy is, if anything, a secondary objective. She wants him to tell her she’s beautiful. She needs his praise and validation in order to feel real; she needs it like a plant needs sunlight. One of my favorite things about incest ships is how they know each other inside out:

We’d stop for rocky road ice cream in Westwood on the way home and I picked out the nuts and gave them to you, you plucked marshmallows out for me.

Just the use of the customary we would stop instead of the one-off we stopped says volumes about this bonding ritual. Then she goes on to describe how she got sunburnt at the beach and he was the one to apply aloe/ointment to the blisters. The blisters on her CHIN and her CHEST. After that they have a convo about reincarnation, which ends thusly:

If you were a mermaid, you said, If you were a mermaid, I was the sea.

Later on he gets a mermaid tattoo. Adkjkdfjkdfdjk. At this point I should probably mention that the main characters’ names are Lex and Marina and Marina means “from the sea.” It is unclear what Lex is short for but probably Alexander? Which means something like “defender.” Check it out though this is what happens when Marina gets her first period:

I asked Michelle to go and get you. I could have told her, I guess, but I didn’t. I wanted you. I was scared and you were always who I went to when I was scared. I was practically stuck to my seat. The wetness pooling underneath me. I looked up at you. You had come running. There was sweat on you face, your eyes all pupil. Hey, you, you said, down on your knees looking at me. Hey you what is it you scared me you okay?

She doesn’t even say anything just casts her eyes downward into her lap and he knows right away what it is. He takes off his sweatshirt, ties it around her hips, pulls her upright, holds her against him for a second, then goes on to walk behind her down the hall, shielding her body with his. When will you fave ever.

I never looked at other boys. I tried, as I got older, to like them. I tried to like my square-jawed dance partner in sixth grade graduation … I tried teen idols with their skinny bodies and whiny voices … I tried to like Robby Rydell because he was a good skateboarder but he caught me with a jump-rope lasso and tried to stick his tongue in my mouth on the playground before he ever said hi. I really tried hard to like Brent Fisher because it seemed important that I find somebody at that point. Not somebody to fill a space. There was never a space.

TRIED TO STICK HIS TONGUE IN MY MOUTH BEFORE HE EVER SAID HI. Why would she ever go for any of these jerkwads when Lex is right there.

So in addition to the Lex and Marina POVs there are also sections narrated by a kid named West, a friend of Marina’s. He is lowkey interested in her, but I’m okay with that since it’s not like he’s bitter or whinging about being friendzoned. I’m actually partial to Outsider POVs when they serve the important narrative function of confirming the untouchability of the main relationship, which West absolutely does. He literally thought Lex was her boyfriend the first time he saw Marina in seventh grade:

They were walking together and laughing and he thought that must be her boyfriend.

Imagine how many people must have thought the same thing though. And West is very matter-of-fact when he describes Lex as “the person you love more than anyone,” and when he sees Marina completely dry-eyed at Lex’s funeral he is super concerned because how the hell do you hold all of that in girl — “to hold your brother’s life and his death inside of her,” is the way he puts it.

One time Lex goes to a fortune teller. She tells him “There’s someone who loves you too much,” which is exactly the sort of vague but broadly applicable prognostication that con artists are known for tendering. For fifty dollars she promises to tell him more, but Lex thinks What more could she tell me? I already knew. He fights it but he can’t help it because him and Marina? It’s like fighting gravity. Tbh most of the tension in their relationship is a result of them trying to fight the gravitational pull of their attraction. Lex goes to a prostitute because, well:

She was the farthest I could get from you. That’s what I wanted.

The next logical thing to do, of course, is to date Marina’s bff, thereby damaging Marina’s own relationship with the girl but Lex explains he’s desperate to do something, anything to “sever” himself from Marina definitively. Needless to say I am 200% here for siblings engaging in unsatisfactory sex with other partners in order to cope with their forbidden feelings … as long as they hook up in the end. Which they do. While housesitting for Lex’s English teacher. It’s this grand old house with a sunken garden, filled with old books and plenty of wine, and outside the jasmine is in full bloom. I mention this because the scene is carefully framed as a romantic one, not some sordid sweaty physical encounter. I’m pretty sure there was fumbling — it was Marina’s first time after all — but it’s in keeping with the genre that Marina draws herself a bubble bath and throws the window open and calls for Lex to bring her a refill of wine … and that’s when we fade to black. Guys their story is TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD.

They go to a club:

One of the guys from out there came over … He said hey, asked you who I was. You asked him why he wanted to know. He flashed his sharp teeth at you. He said why’d you think? because I was a babe. You said I was your sister and you looked like a statue.

Lex is torn between being overprotective because Marina is his sister or jealous because Marina is the love of his life and I am dyyyyying. Lex, later:

He may have a basement full of artillery but if he ever comes near you I am going to kill him.

Straight up threatening to end anyone who even looks crosswise at his (objectively drop-dead gorgeous) sister? YES.

After Lex dies a random girl whom Marina has never laid eyes on before comes to their door and demands a memento so she can make an honest-to-god altar to Lex. This is creepy af and I don’t at all blame Marina for telling her to get lost. Well, it turns out this girl was in love with Lex probably. And you know how sometimes when you’re in love even if it’s one-sided you notice things about the object of your affection that other people don’t? This girl feels like she was entitled to Lex’s affection as much as his leather jacket. Lol bitch no he belongs to Marina heart and soul.

She said that Marina would regret this. She said it’s one thing to keep someone to yourself when they’re alive, but when they’re dead it’s really sick.

Don’t worry, Marina handles her fine. But it’s strongly implied that this girl, or someone else in her posse, or someone else entirely, guessed or suspected about the incest and threatened Lex with the knowledge and that’s how he winds up committing suicide.

I love this book so much. At the same time it is just.so.painful. to read. It unequivocally frames Lex and Marina’s story as a love story rather than as deviant behavior, which is all to the good. And it’s like Trope City here. But Lex essentially commits suicide out of guilt for the intensity of his feelings for Marina, which — last time I checked the world was not suffering any shortage of incest stories where it ends badly for the protagonists. And then …. plot twist! (I know I said there was no plot but somehow there is a plot twist.) Turns out Lex was adopted. Cue the Alanis Morissette song “Ironic.” Marina is livid when she confronts her mother about it:

I said I had a right to know, why didn’t she tell me?

Do you think I didn’t see what was between you? Do you think I could tell you he wasn’t really your brother ad have my children …

She couldn’t finish it and I couldn’t tell her that it had happened anyway.

Welp. So that happened. And when she recounts the conversation to West, he says:

Isn’t it harder now, that you know you could have?

It’s the same thing. He was my brother anyway. When someone is something to you, it’s always that.

Which about sums up how I feel about it too. The first time I read this book I was pissed about the deus ex machina reveal but I have since softened in my censure. The fact that Marina finds out about it too late makes it more tragic, not less, and it’s not like Francesca Lia Block was ever going to give us a happy ending. She’s also written another book with incest but that one is about a very damaged girl whose father molested her :(

#wasteland #francesca lia block #book review

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crimsonrevolt · 7 years ago

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Congratulations Leah you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Aidan Avery

↳ please refer to our character checklist

We’re always so pleased to see our members taking up another muse as it means that you’re happy being a part of our little roleplay family! Just from reading your app we can already tell what a great addition to the dash Aidan is going to be and we’re so excited to see what you do with them. Each and every section of your app paints such a clear, fleshed out image of Aidan and we truly cannot wait to see how you choose to develop them and see the impact that they’ll have on everyone.

application beneath the cut ( tw: insert )

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Leah, 25, she/her, EST

ACTIVITY

Probably a six? I don’t know, I’ll let my current activity in the group speak for itself.

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

Taylor :)

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I’m going to say Luna and leave it at that rather than include my rant from my first audition

ANYTHING ELSE?

Nope

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Aidan Aurelius Avery

Every child in the very family has had a first name starting with A for years. Some families have Christmas traditions or family heirlooms. The Avery family as A names. Maybe their middle name starting with an A might be a bit of overkill, but they don’t much mind. They actually quite like it. Aurelius may be a bit outdated, but Aidan has to admit—their name does have a certain ring to it.

FACE CLAIM

I’m definitely on board with keeping Avan

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

Here’s the truth, I looked at applying for this group several months ago but wound up not going for it. At the time, Aidan was the first one to catch my eye. There’s something wonderful in those dark characters who just don’t give a shit about the things they do. When I came back around to audition this time and I saw Xen I had to grab him instead. But honestly, Aidan’s voice in my head has never gone away and they’re a damn persistent muse.

There’s something really enthralling about playing dark, twisted characters. There are those characters who are just dark and twisted but ultimately think they’re in the right or have the right viewpoints to justify what they’re doing or don’t realize that what they’re doing is wrong. But that’s not Aidan at all. They’re Slytherin in all the very worst ways. And honestly? They’re proud of it. Aidan is out for no one but Aidan and fuck everyone else. If it doesn’t help them and their goals—namely to be one of (ideally the) most power and influential people in the wizarding world. Even Voldemort and the Death Eaters are just a part of that plan. The Death Eaters are where the people they’d consider friends, sure, but it’s the most powerful and pure families out there. If anyone is going to be able to help them to greatness, it’s this group of people. Do they believe in Voldemort’s message? Sure. Do they believe in Voldemort? Honestly, Aiden isn’t sure he has what it takes to do what needs done to ensure total blood purity. And if Voldemort stumbles and Aidan is the one to step up and take is place? Then so be it

Aidan is dark and twisted and self-serving. They thrive from chaos and get off on the pain of others. They like watching people squirm knowing they’re the one with the power. They’ll wind up at the top one way or another. And some times that means playing along, being sweet and king—acting like the perfect friend and sweetheart and they can (somehow) manage to pull that off perfectly. They’re a master at doing anything to get exactly what they want and nothing less. They make it easy to fall for their charms and they can pull off the character well. But don’t ever be fooled—it is a character, a mask, nothing more. Aidan doesn’t have a genuinely good bone in their body. And they don’t do anything that doesn’t benefit themselves.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Aidan is certainly pansexual. They care more about having a good time and fulfilling their own needs far more than what parts their partner has.

While Aidan certainly has a healthy sex drive, romance is far less so. They’re far too self-centered for that. Aidan isn’t aromantic exactly, but certainly along the gray-romantic scale. It’s just not one of their goals and not something that fits with their life right now. It might still happen, it may be possible Aidan has the capacity for love, but it’s just not in their plans right now. Sure, one day they’ll marry a fellow Pureblood, if only for the power and to keep the Avery family line going, but Aidan seriously doubts they’ll love the person they wed.

That being said, Aidan has a deep fascination with Bellatrix. She’s pure twisted evil and he loves it. They’ve always been a bit jealous of Rodolphus for being the one to marry her—they had hopes for a brief time that perhaps Andromeda would turn out to be more like her sister but that’s a flat joke and even Narcissa is spoken for now. It’s not a crush they have for Bellatrix really, not necessarily romantic in nature (not that they’d deny a chance with her if something ‘tragic’ were to befall Rodolphus), just a deep fascination with her as a person, a love of the idea of her and all she stands for.

When it comes to gender, Aidan is far prefers neutral prefers neutral pronouns. They can accept male pronouns upon occasion, but agendered pronouns just fit better. They feel right. And frankly they’ll only tolerate masculine pronouns from certain people and for so long.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

-AN AESTHETIC

Aidan’s Pinterest can be found here

-A MOCKBLOG

Mockblog for Aidan with a handful of posts can be found here

-A PLAYLIST

Playlist for Aidan can be found here

-A FEW HEADCANONS

Aidan’s birthday is October 27th, making him a Scorpio

Aiden doesn’t work currently—the Avery family has more than enough money to keep up with their lavish lifestyle. They’ll work eventually when something worth their time shows up. However, if you ask Aidan what their current employment is, they’ll simply respond that they’re and Unspeakable and there’s nothing more they can say about it. In function, they’re currently dedicating a large portion of their time to recruiting for the Death Eaters and making forward progress in blood purity.

Aidan really only has one goal in life: To be the most powerful person in the wizarding world. Now most people would take this to mean they want to have the most magical power and prowess. No, the magic capabilities don’t matter, Aidan wants the most power, the most control of anyone in the wizarding world. They have their eye on being the Minister some day. Which would be a start. But that isn’t nearly enough.

Coming from a long line of Slytherins, it’s little surprise that Aidan is able to speak Parseltongue, but they thrilled their parents with just how easily it came to them from a young age. Aidan’s very first word was Parseltongue, not English, and they’re just as fluent in the serpentine language as they are English. It’s not uncommon of them to grow bored or annoyed in a conversation with a human and start responding in Parseltongue.

Aidan has an enchanted flying motorcycle. They insist It’s better than Sirius’s which they call a cheap knock off.

Aidan’s wand is a 13-inch ebony wood want with a dragon heartstring core and a slight serpentine curve to it. They connected to the want almost immediately upon entering Ollivander’s wand shop.

Looking at their build—slim and lean—many people easily underestimate Aidan physically. During first year when they walked onto the Quidditch pitch and announced they were going out for beater, their fellow Slytherins quite literally laughed in their face. By the end of try outs, three students had numerous broken ribs and one had a broken nose. Needless to say, Aidan got their desired position and their teammates learned not to laugh at them.

As a master manipulator, excellent at reading people and getting them to bend to their desires even without magical aid, Aidan puts their skill to use helping the Death Eaters recruit new witches and wizards to join their ranks.

Of the Unforgiveable Curses, Avada Kedavra is actually by far their least favorite. It’s too kind and takes all the fun out of playing with one’s pray. Crucio ultimately beats out Imperio for a favorite spell as they find it far more entertaining to manipulate victims without the use of magic. Crucio does tend to have the unfortunate side effect of making the hexed rather useless after its use though.

The Avery family has a long history of being overwhelmingly Slytherin and rather embrace their serpentine past. Aidan has never been without at least one pet snake. They always found it quite unfair they couldn’t bring their familiars with them to Hogwarts—at least not if they played by the rules. But Aidan’s never been one to do that. Nearly every year they would sneak snakes on campus and then send them off with orders to go terrorize anyone they could find with even the slightest hint of ophidiophobia. Sure, it landed them in detention nearly every year but it was more than worth it. You won’t find anyone more comfortable round snakes than Aidan.

In addition to a strong Slytherin past, the Avery’s have also been tied to Voldemort for years. Aidan’s father has a friendship with Voldemort that dates back to their own days at Hogwarts and was one of the earliest Death Eaters. It’s a double-edged sword for Aidan. On one hand, being raised steeped in their ideals, Aidan is incredibly committed to the Death Eater agenda and has been a member for quite some time themselves. Aidan received their Dark Mark before their sixteenth birthday. They tout the family legacy of being some of the earliest members like a badge of honor. On the other hand, they’ve heard their father’s stories about little bullied Tom Riddle. For Aidan, Voldemort holds little of the dangerous mystique he does for most of the Death Eaters. While Aidan’s father would follow him blindly into anything, Aidan’s loyalty is far less faithful. They aren’t really positive that someone who isn’t Pureblood should—or even is capable—of leading this fight. Sure, he’s strong now, but Aidan’s waiting for him to faulter at some point. And if it’s Aidan that steps into the power vacuum it creates, they wouldn’t complain. But one way or another, they’re certainly not dying for their father’s schoolmate.

Aidan is quite literally a sociopath and their actions and reactions boarder on psychopathy. Aidan knows the things they do would often be considered ‘bad’ or that a ‘good person’ wouldn’t do them—but they’re not a good person and they don’t care. If someone is standing between Aidan and what they want, they will find a way to take you down. They don’t care the cost of their actions as long as they’re not the one paying. They are selfish and self-centered and care about little else than bettering their own position.

-CONNECTIONS

(All connections would be pending player approval of course, but would be a good jumping off point with Aidan)

Severus—It’s important to get one thing straight—Aidan does not consider Severus Snape a friend. That does not, however, keep them from acting like it. A sad, picked on Slytherin, Severus has potential to become a wonderous Death Eater—if, that is, Aidan can get them to fully turn their back on the likes of Lily Evans. Aidan has seen the potential for darkness since they were young and has always tried to drag it out of him. They pretend to be a friend. But only because he’s so easily manipulated to do their bidding and not due to any real connection between them.

Natalie—Aidan never much liked the idea of having a Hufflepuff in the Death Eater ranks. They are, by far, the weakest of the houses in their eyes. They were frustrated to say the least to see Natalie join the, especially when she keeps her alliance so quiet. However, there are benefits. She seems to want to become a better Death Eater and learn more about how to become more enthralled with them. It’s a unique opportunity to take someone like her and darken her. Aidan is serving as a mentor of sorts, drawing her further in and corrupting her in a way that will leave their undeniable fingerprint on her.

Sirius & Andromeda—They could have been good. They could have had power. They could have been part of a legacy. And they both walked away—for what exactly? Aidan has never understood. They can’t help but scoff and roll their eyes at the cousins. They could have had everything and they threw it away. The two traitorous Blacks are pathetic and yet another sign that the Black family isn’t as strong as everyone thinks. Sirius and Andromeda are failures who turned their backs on everything and it’s just sad. They’re worth nothing and Aidan likes to remind them of it.

Cassius & Augustus—Friend is a complicated term when it comes to someone like Aidan but were anyone to hold it when it comes to Aidan, it would be Cassius and Augustus. They’re both dark just the way Aidan is. Cassius is a Pureblood Slytherin just like themselves and has the physical violence to compliment Aidan’s dark mind. Augustus is a perfect sheep in wolves’ clothing that Aidan appreciates and can relate to. They both only bring out the worst (which Aidan considers the best) in Aidan and they do the same to the others.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

The following section should be looked at like a survey for your character. Answer them in character and feel free to use gifs. Or, if you’d rather, answer them in third person or OOC without gifs. Answers do not have to be extremely lengthy.

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“A more efficient and effective form of Legilimency. Sure, I suppose technically it already exists but it’s painful and obvious for the hexed and too complicated for the castor. A spell itself or perhaps just a potion to make Legilimency easier to cast and the hexed more pliable to the castor.” A devious smirk crosses their lips as they recline in the their chair, their pet snake twining through their fingers. “A stronger mind reading spell would mean more fun in playing with our victims. And if you can read someone’s mind, manipulating them becomes a snap and then Imperius is no longer needed. One less necessary Unforgivable Curse. Not that there’s anything wrong with them, but using a non-Unforgiveable means you’re less likely to get caught and even if you are, it’ll cary a lighter sentence, so really it’s a win all the way around.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“Well I don’t believe in playing by the rules, so I’m not just taking one person with me. It would be far more fun with both Cassius and Augustus. A trip through the forest with the two of them would be much more entertaining than choosing just one, so that’s who I’m taking,” they say with a shrug. “Besides, the more hands to gather up unicorn blood and centaur hooves for potions, the better. Taking just one would be cheating the whole world of something wonderful. And not that we would need to bring anything along with us but the only obvious answer is Salazar’s locket. No one really knows what powers it has or where it is, but if it comes from the original Slytherin, they have to be strong. And let’s be honest, needing to speak Parseltongue to use it won’t be an issue for me.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Honestly?” they look bored as they twist a long strand of dark hair around their fingers, “any that don’t involve me. I just don’t really see the point. It’s unimportant at best, so I don’t see the sense in having any input much less making any sort of decision.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“That I’m weak or ignorant,” they say, eyes burning furiously even at the idea. “I’m neither, regardless of what other people may see. Neither should ever be said about me. But certainly not that I’m weak. I’m not weak and I never will be.”

REACTION TO LAST EVENT DROP

(I’m pulling from both the full July update and from the St. Mungo’s party with a few places I see Aidan fitting with them both)

Being from a well-off Pureblood Death Eater family and someone who values status, Aidan would definitely be in attendance at both the St. Mungo’s fundraiser and the engagement party. When it comes to the St. Mungo’s party at least, Aidan is certainly not above being the masked Death Eater who made off with the funds to cast doubt on Aversio. It’s definitely the kind of manipulative plot Aiden would come up with. And if it meant gaining more power in the organization, they would certainly go for it.

Another place I can definitely see Aidan getting their hands dirty would be trying to convince Gilderoy to join the Death Eaters. I think trying to bring in new members is a place where Aidan’s manipulative abilities would be put to good use by the Death Eaters there. Aidan would also definitely like to see someone with as big a name as Gilderoy Lockheart on their own side—not the Death Eaters’ side per say, but Aidan’s side. Who knows where that kind of influence could come in useful down the road.

Aidan would also definitely see the argument between the Black’s and Lestrange’s as a point of opportunity. It would be a chance to win over people on both sides of the argument and as a place for the Avery family (and thus themselves) to possibly step further into power if the divide goes any further. For now, they’d be planting casual seeds that they and their family are the right choice to lead. Meanwhile convincing those that support the Lestrange’s that they believe the Lestrange’s are right and those that support the Black’s that the Black’s are right, always laying the full field. (If they had to choose between the two families, frankly it would probably be the Blacks, even if Andromeda and Sirius are rater large let downs, the family as a whole is better.)

WRITING SAMPLE

(Forgive the godmodding please and thanks, only used for audition purposes)

“I’m just saying, I think you need to be focusing on yourself, your potential. You have so much of it. You don’t really want to look back and see you’ve wasted it all away, do you?” Aidan’s tone was the soft and warm of a sweet supportive friend. It made them want to vomit. Almost as much as the boy they were talking too.

Even now Severus Snape couldn’t seem to fully pull their eyes away from the red head who was being disturbingly cute with her boyfriend.

“You can do better. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Don’t-”

Before another word could come out, Aidan help up a hand, the candlelight of the Great Hall shining off their family ring. “I wasn’t insulting Lily. I know, I know, she’s perfect you’ve said it a hundred times. I’m just saying I don’t think she really sees you. She doesn’t see what you could be. And if she’s spending time with people like that,” Aidan sent a pointed look to the Gryffindor table, “then she’s not good enough for you. Find someone who appreciates you. Not someone who spends all their time with people who quite literally shove you around Sev. If she really respected you the way you think, she’d be spending her time with you.”

Here, Aidan leaned across the table and took the younger boy’s hands, giving them a gentle squeeze of reassurance. It was the kind of action Lily would have taken, something Severus would appreciate, so Aidan would too. “I just want someone who sees you. Really sees you. All your potential. All you can be. Someone who will actually love you. And I’m sorry to have to say it, but I just don’t know that Lily’s that for you. You deserve more, that’s all I’m saying Sev.”

A voice over their shoulder cleared their throat. “Come on Avery. You know how much of a twat McGonagall becomes when we’re late.”

The smirk on Aidan’s face became a bit more genuine when they heard Cassius’s voice. “Well you heard him. I’ve got to go. I’ll see you around Sev.” Aidan stood and walked away with Cassius and Augustus. The moment they were out of the younger boy’s sight, they shuddered. “Good lord, you couldn’t have come in any sooner? I think I’ve got to go bathe my entire being in bleach.”

“You don’t have to talk to him you know,” the simple statement from Augustus earned a shrug.

“I do if I want him to keep doing my potions homework. Only a third year and still manages that shit better than I do.” Aidan let out a long sigh. “Minor benefits I suppose. It’ll pay off eventually. At least if it can stop being so fully pussy-whipped by that Gryffindor bitch.”

“I was reading earlier about a potion that calls for ground centaur hoof. It’s supposed to hold a lot of power.”

Aidan cast Augustus a look. “What’ve I said about the Ravenclaw babbling Auggie? Keep it relevant.”

“The potion I found can render the poisoned fully immobile for up to twelve hours.”

“Ah, see, skip to the relevant parts.” Aidan smiled genuinely now. “Lucky for us, we’re going to right where there’s a large herd of them. Not that they’re likely to just give us a hoof but, we know how to get what we want, don’t we? Unlucky for them I suppose.”

#lsrp #hp rp #accepted app #marauders era rp #harry potter rp #avan jogia fc

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