#but talk about trying way too hard to be edgy and not really making a great point of any kind either

[starrysharks]

writing 5 page encyclopedias on my ocs and their stupid backstories is so fun but writing the story itself oooooh i can't stand the writing the story itself

[13eyond13]

Remember that movie Saltburn. Wtf was that all about lol

[fizzy-blood]

uhhhm uhm haiii hello helloo could i request headcanons of jeff the killer with a ditzy bimbo gf that talks waayyyy too much and even talks to herself at times?? pretty pls?

Jeff the killer x Bimbo!S/O💗✮ Headcanons [Slight NSFW]

RAHHHH I LOVE THIS IDEA WTF??? Also Female reader for this... So... Woagh... Anyways, this doesn't really have any full on smut or NSFW in it... But it still gets a little...👀 woah there.. Hope you enjoy!

WARNING: Slight NSFW [Not making this 18+ exclusive since it's just implied... But still would rather have it at 16+ at the youngest... So please keep that in mind. Stabbing.]

He's fucking LOVES your style

It's a nice contrast to his... Edginess, so it works really well! (Opposites attract ig)

He does find it funny how often you talk though...

Especially when you're just sitting in your room talking to nobody-

It's also just nice to hear you talk

He does actually enjoy listening to you talk about your day or rant about your life..

Ok, he does get bored after a bit... But he isn't gonna tell you-

He'll ignore you or leave the room, only to come back ten minutes later to see that you didn't realize he was gone

And yes, you're still going on and on about whatever it is that you were talking about...

Now, moving on from talking.

He sometimes likes to walk around with you, especially at night!

People can't see him as well because of how dark it is... So not many will stare at him

Though... They do stare a lot at you...

Some will even try and touch you 😰

But unlucky for them because if they even lay a finger on you, Jeff is pulling out his knife and stabbing their wrist.

He'll drag you by the hand and run away from the guy right afterwards

And as always... Somehow you aren't disturbed.. He'll never understand why but he's definitely not complaining!

Actually... He doubts you even realize what he does

But don't worry... He won't turn his knife at you (unless you ask him really nicely ^_^)

The only time he ever actually could cause you any harm is if he slapped your ass a bit too hard-

Which, by the way! He slaps it almost every day... Or at least when he visits you...

Just expect it when he comes over... There is no avoiding it...

(That's not the only thing you should expect him to do to you when he comes over)

ANYWAYS-

Overall... Not that bad! He enjoys having you around and thinks you act pretty damn adorable when you talk... Or make any sound for that matter... Woahj

And done! Hope you enjoyed this, I had a lot of fun with the dividers on this (pink dividers by @anitalenia ) so yippee! And as always, my asks are open so feel free to send in requests!

-Fizz

[kindnessoverperfection]

I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

[lxnarphase]

do you have any advice for new writers who want to start posting on tumblr?

Oh man, I'm gonna give you a list of things I wish I could've told myself when I first started posting.

Some Basic Tips:

Don't be scared to post! You'll never see growth in your followers, mutuals, and even your writing if you don't post!

Be open to asking others for help or advice if you struggle with writing. I sometimes ask some of my mutuals for help or read fanfiction to see how others write a scene. Then, I take the knowledge and write it in my own way. For example, I do well with writing dialogue but find myself always struggling with how to start the story.

Don't be afraid to post about non-writing things, too! Remember, you deserve to have fun on your account, so post what you want. You aren't a machine. You are a person!

The number of notes you get doesn't determine your worth or skill in writing. In my opinion, Tumblr has shifted a bit, making it harder for smaller writers to get likes, reblogs, or comments on their works.

But at the end of the day, in order to enjoy being a writing blog on Tumblr, you have to enjoy what you are writing and posting. Do not feel like you have to force yourself to write just for the numbers, let it happen naturally. Things will start out slow at first, as all things do, but you'll get to a point where you can barely keep up with things.

Post and Blog Formatting + Style:

Formatting is really important! Break up paragraphs, ask a friend to be a beta reader, and for longer works, go back and proofread if you have the time! It's okay if you have minor mistakes, though. I tend to miss things in my writing, and when I return a week later, I just fix them. No big deal!

Nowadays, aesthetics is HUGE for fanfiction posts and your account. Channel your creativity and style! Make your blog super pretty in your own way! It can be pink and cutesy, black and edgy, simple and clean, or colorful and cluttered! Don't have a blank blog!

PUT YOUR AGE CLEARLY SOMEWHERE! In your bio, pinned post, SOMEWHERE IT IS EASY TO SEE. I have had writing accounts follow me but no age, so I don't feel comfortable engaging with them.

You can take inspiration from other accounts (don't outright copy, though) on how they format their fanfictions. You will probably notice a lot of accounts have headers, dividers, or colored text. You can do that too, as it can catch the readers attention.

I get headers from doujins and mangas I read, websites such as Pinterest are good for cute ones, and Twitter is your go-to for more NSFW headers.

Create a tagging system to make navigating your blog easier, and have a pinned post with links to your rules/byf/masterlist/etc.

Try to put warnings in your writing. A lot of people have filters on to avoid the types of content they don't want to see, but there are the occasional people who don't put warnings in the writing post itself. It could be a simple tag or a list of themes at the beginning of the post.

An example would be a post with the tag #dubcon #tw dubcon OR putting "cw: dubcon" in the post itself before the writing itself.

This is a tag vs. in the actual post

Tagging and Reblogs

Speaking of tags, USE THE TAGGING SYSTEM! If you don't tag your post with popular fanfiction tags, it will be hard for people to find you.

Only the first twenty tags will show up in Tumblr search, including your own blog. Reblogs will not show up in tracked tags or searches.

However, don't feel bad for reblogging your own works again. Do it as many times as you want. You created something and should feel proud of it! I still reblog things from January just because.

Making Mutuals

Don't be afraid to engage with other accounts. That's how you make friends on here! But here's something important:

Be genuine. Make mutuals because you enjoy each other's work, AND both have fun talking with each other! If someone doesn't add you back as a mutual, that is okay; don't feel like they have something against you! Making mutuals shouldn't be your only goal when posting on Tumblr. Otherwise, you might tire yourself out mentally. It took me a while to make mutuals on here, but I'm glad it did it naturally instead of trying to force it.

Asks and Anons

Once you build a following, you will get the most wonderful, loving, and supportive anons in your inbox! Cherish them, respond to them, and have fun with them! Because there is a very high chance, you will also get assholes in your inbox.

I say this from the bottom of my heart but do NOT give hateful people your attention because that is what they thrive on. I still get them, but when I tell you I am at so much peace, I block and delete the messages and carry on.

If a certain message bothers me for a bit, then I just take a little break, talk to some friends about what happened, and do what helps me calm down so I don't act rashly. Don't be afraid to turn off anonymous messages for a while. This is YOUR blog, not theirs.

Don't feel pressured to answer every ask or fulfill every request. Take your time because that can burn you out! I love socializing so much, but sometimes I just pull a blank on how to respond to my asks. I always ensure my mutuals and followers know that I'm not ignoring them and just tend to go blank-brained with some asks, OR I save some of them to look at when I'm sad!

Overall, just start and DO IT FOR YOURSELF.

That's the best advice for when you want to make anything. You just have to start posting and learning and improving as you go on. Hopefully, this will sort of help. I know it's not the best list of advice, but it's just some things I would tell myself back when I first started.

If you have any other questions, I can try my best to answer them!

[lotus-pear]

Can we stop acting like dazai was the devil. Like yes he did bad things but he was a child. He was 15 alone and in the mafia where althe was told to do was bad things. ALL dazai knew how to do is lie and deceive because it what he's always had to do.it's self preservation. Like??? When will people realize dazai wasn't a monster and was justa child brought up in an Unsafe and abusive environment. Behaviors are learned your aren't born with them. Dazai was a suicidal child just trying to survive all'he knew was manipulation and Iying because that's all he was taught. He abused akutagawa because that's all he was taught. And as he got older it's all he knows how to do. Obviously he's gotten better but he's still morally grey. And that's ok but it's not enough to call him a monster. hes trying so so hard to change, and even if he may not realise it or cling guiltily to his past, the entire prison arc shows how much effort hes put in to become a better person it isnt easy, growing up exposed to death/violence resulting in empathy and apathy issues, all while battling an emptiness inside thats slowly eating up ones will to live. hes genuinely trying to recover from that period of his life, and i cannot express how proud i am solely because of that. hes finally found a healthy environment, a family, and he deserves it along with so much more. he may be deemed as a “monster“ in the past, that cannot be erased, but he hates that part about himself too. being in the good or bad used to make no difference to him, but i strongly believe it does hate that part of him.  Dazai slander are fún and everything - BUT people seem to not get his character right. No, he's not an edgy boy. He genuinely wants to change for the best to make Oda proud, 'BUT HE ABUSED AKUTAGAWA’ , yeah, Akutagawa abused Kyoka and nobody is talking about how its litterally GENERATIONAL TRAUMA. Dazal was never raised correctly, he got raised by Mori and used by him to make him his right hand, maybe because of his ability, or he saw potential in him. He never fell parental Love nor being special to Someone except for Oda. "He LEFT Chuuya!!!“ ok and? Chuuya doesn't need him to live: Dazai LITTERALLY SAW PEOPLE GETTING KILLED/KILLING THEM ON THE DAILEY (AND HE WITNISSED ODAS DEATH - THE ONLY PERSON THAT MADE HIM WANT TO CHANGE.) his eyes at the age of 14, and Mori made him live in a shipping container. Obviously he is not gonna feel human after all this.

And about him and chuuya - the thing is they DO CARE ABOUT EACHOTHER. but nobody seems to care about chuuya other than the fact hes hot asf anf the fact that he is ’super mega gay for dazai 🥺🥺🥺’ because are we reading/watching the same series???? There’s SO MUCH to his character too!!!! But all everyone talks about with him is with dazai, chuuyas character is CRAZY WELL WRITTEN and everyone dumbs it down to ‘he’s an angry short boy with a god inside him and he’s mega gay for dazai and he’s also really hot’ like no - stfu he’s not actually super hot headed and it’s CANNON he’s usually pretty calm and collected. On the other side of the coin is that dazai DOES care about him - in Stormbringer ; Dazai literally willing gave Chuuya an option to either use corruption on Verlaine when he used his true form or to retreat and not do it, which gave a sense of Dazai giving Chuuya the choice to do what he wants without forcing him to, and the fact that when Chuuya used corruption, he was being injured badly to the point where Abahabaki was going to destroy Chuuya which FREAKED DAZAI OUT , and the fact that Dazai certainly believes that Chuuya is human shows that Dazai does care about Chuuya in certain ways without showing due to afraid of losing someone he cares about. and In age 15 Dazai, was willing to help Chuuya to find Abahabaki and defeat Rimbaud, along with stormbringer with him helping Chuuya to find out if he's human or not and to defeat Verlaine.

Ty for reading my rant 💞💞💞💞

i can't tell if this is attacking me or just a rant in general but anyway YESSSSS I 100% AGREE YOU ATE W THAT ANALYSIS BRIAR‼️‼️

[mythmash]

Bouncer!Sukuna AU Pt. 11 - Tattoos

Bouncer!Sukuna x Stripper/Dancer!Reader. Warnings: MDNI 18+, bullet point fic, uncle!sukuna, tattoos, misogyny, minor blood & violence, some nudity A/N: this is a collaborative work made with the amazing @pastelbunnelby, @pastelpixies & @chaoskrakenuwu Series Masterlist || Previous |

Sukuna is some how so easy and so fucking hard to shop for because the best thing you can get for him is sex and he's not shy about telling you that

As much as you love him and having sex with him, you do actually want to get him something that will last in a way that getting bent over the counter, desk, tv stand, etc won't

So you surprise him by bringing him to some old school, rough and edgy tattoo shop (because that seemed like the kind of place he'd enjoy)

He's confused because he has plenty of tattoos?

He wasn't planning on getting more, do you think he needs more?

Please don't tell him you want one of those cheesy couples tattoos

He loves you, but that's where he draws the line

He'll never admit it, but he kinda has a whole don't fuck with me aesthetic going and while he wouldn't mind letting you choose his next tattoo, he wants to make sure it won't mess up his look first

But nope!

You throw him for a loop by telling him he's only here for support while you get a tattoo

You won't tell him what it is or where you're getting it but he is very interested

But you guys walk in and things immediately start to go downhill

At first everyone assumes you guys are here for Sukuna, and they don't really believe you when you try to correct them until Sukuna makes it clears he's only here to sit with you

The artist keeps looking at Sukuna, and talking to him about you and your tattoo and Sukuna is ignoring him because he doesn't know anything about your tattoo

But the guy just refuses to acknowledge you

When the artist shows you the stencil, it's clear he's made some changes and you're not entirely happy with it but he keeps. talking. over. you.

You let it go and Sukuna doesn't say anything, but he notices you're getting frustrated

The artist also changes the placement after looking at you (for far too long for either of your liking)

He makes rude comments about how much skin you're showing or how much Sukuna must enjoy your services since he's paying for a tattoo for you

Sukuna is, in fact, not paying

Sukuna asks if you're sure about this, but you're stubborn and you really want to do this with and for him so you deal with it

The problem is-

It's an underboob/rib cage tattoo

And as soon as you take your shirt off, the guy is ogling you so much it makes you more uncomfortable than some of the club clients

You don't want Sukuna to see the design yet so you walk across the shop with the artist and he's too touchy when he's putting the stencil on and smirking when you squirm

You get back to Sukuna and you're quieter, sticking close to him, and Sukuna snaps at the artist asking what happened

The guys blows him off

"You know how women are."

Sukuna gets in the guy's face and the guy is getting pissy until you pull Sukuna away and tell him to leave it alone, but you can tell he's itching to punch something (or someone)

You and Sukuna know you have a pretty good pain tolerance (you kinda have to with him) but this guy is clearly butthurt because the first two lines have you squeezing your fists until you almost draw blood

He brushes you off when you say it hurts or when you ask for a quick break to adjust and you really try to power through it

Until he digs in to a certain spot in your ribs and you actually start to tear up

Sukuna's pulling the guy off of you, tossing you his keys and telling you to wait in the car while he's already stalking toward this guy

You happily put your shirt on and go outside

It's a while before Sukuna comes out and he's a mess of blood and cuts and bruises and tattoo ink

He gets in the car, takes a deep breath, and asks if you're okay

You burst into tears

You're upset and frustrated and feeling icky and pissed off because you just wanted to do something sweet for him and the tattoo was going to be so cool but the stupid artist ruined it and ruined the day and you're so sorry

Sukuna is...not the best when it comes to comforting you, but he hates seeing you cry so he takes you home to clean you both up and carefully tends to your barely started tattoo

He makes dinner and he's a little gentler when he fucks you that night

A few weeks later, he takes you out to breakfast before taking you to meet an apparent "friend" of his

This friend turns out to be his tattoo artist with their own private studio in their really clean, white, kinda minimalist apartment

It's airy with a ton of natural light and perfectly maintained plants and expensive art that gives it little pops up color and not at all what you'd expect from a friend of Sukuna's

Uraume is not very talkative and weirdly extreme in their professionalism but they're nice to you

Everything goes way smoother this time

Uraume listens to what you want, lets you take breaks when you need it, and has great line work with a really light hand

They also keep Sukuna away by making him get you snacks and water the plants while they work to not ruin the surprise

In a way, they make you feel closer to Sukuna

Tattooing can be such a personal thing, and he and Uraume obviously respect each other

Uraume is probably the closest thing he has to a friend, enough that Sukuna's trusts them around you

Knowing that he brought you here, into this part of his life, makes you realize a little more just how much you mean to him

And you can see why he chose Uraume because the tattoo comes out so perfect

You're so ecstatic you can't help but hug Uraume when you see the finished product

They're not blushing what are you talking about

You finally show Sukuna the slightly more elegant replica of his tattoos across your ribs and he's grinning like the cat that ate the canary

Seeing his markings on your skin is so hot

Seeing you happy about it is so hot

Seeing this level of commitment of loyalty from you is so hot

Sukuna has no shame so he doesn't care if Uraume notices that he's hard

Uraume is exasperatedly asking for you two to "Please get out of my apartment."

Sukuna never really gets used to seeing the tattoo

He stares at it every time he sees it

Making you take your time when you change your clothes

Spending extra time tracing the lines with his tongue when he has you naked

Watching you a little too hard when you're dancing because the lines just flow so gracefully with your movement

The other dancers start placing bets on how long it'll be before he interrupts one of your dances to carry you off stage

[what-even-is-thiss]

Hi roman. I know this is very weird, but i've seen you give some life advice to other people, so i thought i could give it a try too. Don't answer if you don't want to. Anyway

Do you have any advice/tips for a 15 y/o who thinks they just have no control over their life? Like, my concentration is dog shit, i think my grades are slipping. My executive dysfunction so bad and i think i'm disappointing a lot of people. I have no idea how to handle anything in my life. I can't force myself to do the things i need to (not that that'd be any good, i'll immediately cry lol). I just, don't fucking know how i could make things better for myself. And i can't really talk to adults about it, they'll repeat the stuff i already know, and i am the worst person to put their feelings into words, so they'll prob never understand. Not in the edgy way.

Yeah so sorry for half venting into your ask box. Thank you in advance if you'll answer it, if it's too weird and you don't want to do that for whatever reason, that's ok. Peace and love <3

Dude, you’re unfortunately suffering from being 15. And possibly a learning disorder. Godspeed to you.

And I don’t say that to belittle your problems. In many ways as a teenager you don’t have control over a lot of things. You’re still under the control of your parents, you’re still learning how to deal with adult level emotions and ideas. A lot is expected of you and a lot of things are made to seem more important than they are. It’s hard to tell what’s actually important and what’s just adults blowing things out of proportion. It sucks and it’s frustrating!

If you can, you might want to talk to a counselor. If your parents or guardians are anti-counseling you might try to talk to someone at your school like a teacher or administrator or school nurse about the possibility of getting counseling without your parents knowing. Some schools have programs like that.

The adults closest to you might not understand but if you keep looking you’ll eventually find someone who remembers what it’s like to be in your shoes.

And I remember fully feeling like I’d never get control over anything. The end goal of life was graduation from high school and god only knows if I keep existing after that. But the thing is, you do! You keep existing and you figure a lot of stuff out. Wisdom does come with time, it turns out. And legally and practically you end up getting a lot more autonomy as time goes on.

And I know hearing things like this might not feel comforting. When you’re stuck, you’re stuck and no matter how much you logically know it’ll get better right now it sucks.

Just find ways to keep going. And try asking for help sometimes. If your family won’t listen, find someone who will. Take the time to write down your problems and how you feel if you can’t come up with explanations of what’s going on. Or find a friend to talk it out with so you can practice explaining yourself.

If there’s one thing I can promise you, when you’re a couple years into adulthood all of the problems from your teenage years start to feel small. At the time they were big and important though. And that’s what you’re going through right now. And a lot of adults forget about that. Hang in there, and when all of this is behind you, remember how hard it was and maybe someday you can help someone like you.

I’m sorry if all that wasn’t helpful. I don’t know too much about your individual situation. But ask for help when you can. Someone out there understands. You’ll find them.

[devourers-of-god]

Hey! I'm new here, so I'm sorry if something's wrong. I really like the way you write, it's just wonderful!

Can I ask you for a little fanfiction/headcount where Sally first saw the traces of selfharma on a femme reader? They can be both in a relationship or just friends... I would like something cozy, soothing and fluffy

Thank you in advance

Hi!! Welcome on Tumblr !! Thank you for your compliments, it’s super sweet T-T<3 I will make you a little oneshot with headcanons at the end <3 I think I will do friends but they crush on eachother!

And happy Valentine’s Day for those who celebrate !!

SAL X FEMME!READER THAT S3LFH@RMS

Warnings: self harm mentions, nothing graphic. Fluff !

Character: Sal Fisher

Oneshot - Worried

« Have you noticed y/n haven’t been looking like herself lately? » Todd said, looking up at Sal. Todd had noticed a shift in your behaviour. He’s not great at expressing concern but he thought that telling Sal would be a great idea, since Todd suspect that Sal’s crush is actually you.

« Mmm.. I mean I guess..? She doesn’t hang out with us a lot these days. » Sal replied, looking in the distance. In reality, Sal did notice something, you’ve been avoiding talking to the group. Almost isolating yourself. Which isn’t usual since you’re usually bubbly and full of life, always wanting to hang out and occupy yourself, but these past few weeks it was like you just became.. empty.

« You’re the only one that knows her better than anyone. I think you should say something Sal. We never know. You know there’s 53,2% of women suicide per ye-»

« Alright I’ll talk to her. » Sal cut off Todd, the blue haired boy didn’t want to stress himself out about such a tragic situation that might happen..? Sal slammed his locker door, waved at Todd and thanked him, and now he needed to find you.

In reality, Sal was crazy worried about you. He’s always had a crush on you, since you moved in Nockfell a few years ago. He loved the way you laugh, how you smile downwards, how your cheeks becomes a tinted pink when you’re flustered..and- « Watch where you’re going freak! » Travis said angrily. Sal was lost in thought and his luck made him bump into the one and only, Travis Phelps. Sal didn’t want trouble today, he was already in such stress that he didn’t need another anxiety inducing situation. The masked boy quickly escaped his bully and went on with his goal.

After a few minutes of intense research, he caught a glimpse of you making your way out of school. « She’s ditching class now? » Sal thought to himself, trying to walk as fast as he can, but with his small legs it was harder than other people. You were going behind the bleachers, notebook in hand. You’ve been writing everything that’s been going wrong in your life. You found comfort in writing, it felt great to know that the only one viewing the journal was you. It made you feel safe. The notebook was like therapy to you, writing edgy poems in code to hide your embarrassment. You would say to yourself that it was like your private little garden.

After finding your usual spot, you noticed Sal coming. Your face became red, and it was not because of the cold.

« ..Hi. » Sal said panting, he just noticed that you walk so fast. You quickly put your notebook underneath you. You were wearing ripped pants with a zip up jacket, that was too short for you.

« Hey Sal. » you replied, you sniffled quietly. What Sal doesn’t know is that you’ve been crying since the day started, you couldn’t go to class, you just couldn’t. It was too demanding. Too hard for you, you preferred isolating yourself until the end of the day. Sals visit was unexpected.

« Have you been… crying y/n? It’s okay if you were and if you don’t want to talk about it I completely understand-» Sal stopped quickly after noticing he was rambling and talking fast.

You sighed. Wiping your nose with your hand, making your sleeve fall off your arm.

A heavy silence was heard.

Your scars were showing. You noticed they were in plain sight after you noticed Sals eye widening. « Oh fuck off » you thought to yourself. Your heart rate fastened as you rolled your sleeve down.

« Say something say something say something say-» Sals thoughts were racing, just like your heartbeat. He had to say something. He had to. Why couldn’t he speak up? He went through the same thing you’re going through. Sals supposed to know what to say right ? Only seconds had passed but it felt like long, long minutes before Sal eventually took his courage and spoke up.

« … I’ve been worried about you. And this confirms my concerns. Y/n.. I’m sorry you’ve been going through this… God I’m sorry y/n I wish I could’ve there to help you. You mean so much to me I- I just can’t watch someone so important to me in a state like this » Wow, it was maybe one of the only times that Sal would say something so heartfelt. Sal noticed your hands were shaking and your eyes slowly watering. His first instinct was to hold your hand. Your face got flustered as he did that.

« Sal- I’m the one who’s sorry. I should’ve communicated this with you earlier.. things has been bad but nothing is your fault. » You said as Sal hugged you tight, he didn’t want to let you go. As in the hug in just in general.

« I really like you y/n, let me help you.. please.. »

Annnddd that’s it HAHAHA SORRY😭 this might not be as good because I have an important exam in like 30 minutes and I’m stressing the fuck out. Anyways, here’s some hcs to compensate :P

HEADCANONS

- when Sal first noticed, he made sure you felt safe venting to him.

- carries a first aid kit.. just in case something happens.

-he make sure to clean your wounds when you relapse, he doesn’t want you to get an infection.

- he makes sure to always be there for you, you guys hang out more than usual after this.

- caresses your scars with his fingertips, humming, to help you fall asleep.

- makes sure to hide anything that you use to hurt yourself without you knowing.

- keeps the secret to himself.

- is way more affectionate than before, he eventually got way better with words of affirmation so he can help you even more.

Okep! Thank you for reading and I really hope you guys enjoyed ;( I love you all !!!

REQUESTS: ALWAYS OPEN!!!

DMS: OPEN:3

[deltatraveler]

Could you talk about what it is like writing the obliteration route for Deltraveller? I'm sure it's challenging to keep it from becoming too edgy, or out of character, without sacrificing the nature of the route. Plus you also have to deal with concepts such as LV which functions in a really ambiguous way in Undertale. I personally appreciate how the route doesn't hold back as much as Undertale or Deltarune do in terms of what happens which makes it feel more real.

I think the hardest part of writing obliteration is trying to keep Susie and Noelle from doing the most reasonable thing and abandoning you. This is so that the route doesn't deviate too hard from the main route and make game development much harder.

[ladylooch]

Ours with Nico Hischier

A/N: I got a very descriptive and hot request for making a baby with Nico Hischier on a hike. Anon, I really think you wrote this yourself… I just added a little more flavor to it ;) The ask is 18+ so, I’m not posting it, but this is all yours, bby!

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: 18+ Content, baby making, light daddy talk (mostly as a joke), swearing, a smidge angsty.

In normal circumstances, you consider yourself a reasonable and rational human being.

Nico Hischier’s existence seems to take those reasonable and rational thoughts and chuck them right out the damn window.

You’re hiking behind him in the Swiss Alps, considering whining again about turning back around. Your Apple Watch jangled against your wrist twenty minutes ago, indicating you’re primed and ready for the baby you two have been talking about making all summer.

“Nico.” You call ahead, watching as the muscles of his ass tighten with his next step up the trail. You bite your lip, thinking about those same cheeks tightening as he pounds into you. “Baby.” You call again, wanting him to hear the desperation in your voice.

“We are almost there.” He promises. “Just a little longer and you’ll get what you want.”

You two are completely alone on this trail. It’s the middle of the week, in the late morning in Switzerland. Not exactly prime hiking time in this national park. But the chance of getting caught makes an excited heat flush your chest. You keep going until the path opens into a large clearing. In the center of the clearing is a big, flat rock. You purse your lips when Nico looks back, grinning. 

“Look at our bed!” He jokes.

“So this will be the secret to our baby making success?” You ask as you shimmy off your hiking pack. You grab your water bottle, taking a sip of it as Nico takes his pack off as well. 

“I think you’re just having trouble relaxing in my parent’s house, so a change of scenery felt like a good idea.” We’ve been casually trying for the last few weeks, but it’s admittedly been hard in Nico’s childhood bedroom.

“Yeah. I swear your mom is on the other side of the door encouraging us on every time.”

“She wants grand babies.” He shrugs. You roll your eyes at him not realizing that it’s weird.

“I want to give her that too.” You agree with a laugh, “but like… we don’t need a cheering section.” 

“Yeah, she’s kinda obvious about it, huh?” You nod. “Well, she’s not here now.” He murmurs, walking towards you. He reaches for the zipper on your rain jacket, slowly working it down your chest until he can see what’s underneath. Hard nipples pierce through your shirt and sports bra. You feel your breathing intensify as he stares at the two points. His large hands come up, thumbs zeroing in on them until you cry out in need at the brief swipes. You arch your chest into the air, asking him for more. He obliges, working steady circles into the needy probes. Your hand reaches out for his shorts, moaning into his mouth when you feel how hard he is.

“Been like that since I heard your watch chime.” 

If you were anywhere else, you would take your time undressing each other. You’d probably slide onto your knees and take him deep into your mouth while he fucks himself down your throat. He’d slide between your spread knees, lapping and suckling until both your lips are wet and swollen.

But the clock is ticking on both your fertility window and alone time.

“Go lay down.” He demands as he nips at your lips. You pull away, turning your back to him to lead the way to the rock. Nico comes behind you, slapping your ass and grinding his erection between your ass cheeks. You whimper at him as he reaches around to pinch your nipple. “Later, when we are back home, I’m going to fuck you from behind.” 

“Why can’t we do that now?”

“That rock would rip up your pretty knees.” He points to the jagged edgy on top. He’s right. It’s mostly smooth, but not quite enough for bare knees.

You lay on your back, taking Nico’s sweatshirt as a pillow. His fingers quickly work your shorts off the ground. He places them right next to you for easy grabbing if needed. You feel a moment of hesitation, glancing to the right where the trail is.

“No one is here, baby. Just me and you.” He assures you quietly. His eyes search yours, looking for if you want to bail. You bite your lip, letting his sureness ease the worry from your brain. You look down at where he is still bulging aggressively from his shorts. 

“Wanna see you.” He raises his thick eyebrow in amusement.

“Yeah? Wanna see what’s going to put our baby in you?” You nod, holding your breath, eyes zeroed in on the waistband he plays with. His shirt peeks up, showcasing the rigid lines of his abdomen. Your mouth goes dry, heavy breath shaking your chest as he slowly inches it down. You squeak in delight when he pops out completely. The sun shines down on the glistening tip. He’s red and rigid, with pulsing veins protruding from his velvet skin. You widen your knees on sight.

His fingers comes to your pussy, striking the swollen lips. He tests your entrance with his middle finger, grinning when you’re wet enough for you two to start. He steps forward, gripping his shaft, stroking it a few times. More pre-cum dribbles from his slit. He uses it to teases your folds with his fat head, stroking and building the intoxicating pleasure of what comes next.

“You’re going to look perfect, carrying my child.” He says as he buries himself balls deep in your welcoming heat. “Holy fuck, so damn good.” He murmurs, fingers on your hips spanning out until his thumbs stroke at your lower belly. He looks down with molten brown eyes, like he’s already seeing you fuller.

He begins to thrust and your skin tingles with goosebumps from the cool rock on your exposed butt.

“More, daddy.” You’re saying it as a slight joke, feeling anxious about the cool, mountain air dampening your entrance with his thrusts. Nico’s tortured groan has you squeezing him tighter in his next thrust into you.

“Say it again.” He begs you, pulling back to look at your face again.

“My baby’s daddy.” The words drawl from you lips. “Ours. Our baby.” You whisper to him, wrapping your hand tighter around his abdomen. “Please.” You don’t know if you’re begging him or the Gods or the cruel fate of mother nature, but you want to be a mom so damn bad to this man’s kid, that you’ll beg all of them if it gets you pregnant.

Your skin is on fire, engulfed in the electrifying pleasure of your impending orgasm. Nico senses your closeness, pushing deeper and faster into you until the sounds in your chest evaporate into silence. Your pussy clenches around him, begging him to follow you into the abyss.

“Fuck.” Nico curses, breathing hitching and ragged as he watches your face to know when you’ve completely surrendered. You do at the sight of his brown eyes obsessing over your face. 

“Oh…” You finally moan out to him, clenching tighter around him as he begins to sputter and jerk ropes of cum into you. Your fingers grip his ass tighter to you. His hand wraps around the base of his shaft, forcing every last drop of his seed into you. His hand bumps your sensitive bud, causing you to jerk up, clutching at his shoulders. Nico protects the back of your head from the rock, lowering you both down onto the flat surface.

You’re both silent as the ringing in your ears remains from the pure pleasure you just experienced. Eventually, the tinnitus dies down. The noise is replaced by the chirping of birds and otherwise stillness of the woods.

“I want this so bad, Nic.” You confess, not that he doesn’t know.

“I know, baby. I’m going to give this to you… to us.” His lips press against your ear as he speaks.

Your eyes close in exhaustion, hoping this month you’ll see the + you’ve both been dreaming of.

[chronicdisasterwrites]

you can do better. i'm better

pairing: gojo satoru x reader (modern, college au)

genre + warnings: - FLUFF !! alcohol consumption, smoking, swearing, and a jealous and very flirty gojo. reader is gender neutral but is shorter than satoru and has long-ish hair.

word count: 1,934

summary: this is a song-fic based on this ask, the song being "FEEL" by Måneskin. for the full experience, start listening to the song after the 4th break, there'll be a very obvious indication in the dialogue!

enjoyyy <3

“So, there’s a party.”

You hum non-committedly, pen still dancing on your page as your eyes flit between your textbook and notebook. You hear a pen tapping against the wooden desk and try very hard to ignore it. The tapping gets louder and more constant until you’re unable to ignore it any longer. You release a long sigh as you look up at the person pest sitting before you.

"Okay, what?"

Shoko grins as she sets the pen down and clasps her hands underneath her chin, "There's a party. Let's go."

You stare at her for a few seconds before asking, "When, where, and why?"

"Tonight, at Mei Mei's place and because we can and should."

You groan, "I really don't wanna, Shoko. I have work and I'm so sleep-deprived I can't-"

Shoko shuts your books and flicks your forehead, ignoring the small "ow" that escapes your lips. She stands up and takes your things with her, "We are going, and that's that. You can sleep and work and whatever after the party. It's been way too long since we actually had some time to relax and I'm not going without you, so suck it up."

You dejectedly watch her leave with all your things and wonder why you even hang out with such a menace.

---

"Oi, Suguru."

The man in question is distracted, hunched over his desk, sketching away in his notebook with loud music blasting through his earphones. Satoru slams the door shut hoping it'll break his best friend's trance. Suguru feels the reverberation from the door slamming closed and tilts his head to look at a pouty Satoru with arms crossed across his chest. Suguru sends an apologetic smile as he takes off one earphone from the ear closest to Satoru, "Hey. Sorry, what's up?”

“There’s a party.”

Suguru pauses his song, suddenly concerned at how loud the volume was. Rolling his chair back and fully facing Satoru now he says, “Let me guess. We're going?”

He watches Satoru fall back on his bed sprawled out like a starfish. There's a pause before Satoru speaks, “Depends. Y’know if Shoko's going?”

Suguru gives him a sly smile, “I’m not sure. Why?” Satoru spares him a glance masked with disapproval, “Just asking, jeez. What's with the face?”

There's a laugh as Suguru stands up and makes his way to his closet, rummaging through his typical array of edgy, dark outfits. He hears the bed squeak and assumes Satoru is now sitting up, glaring at the back of his head. He decides to pull his leg a bit more, “Just sick of your childish antics.”

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Suguru sighs as he lays down his selected outfit on the side of the bed Satoru wasn't currently occupying. Satoru sighs exaggeratedly, obviously mocking his best friend and only gets a deadpan look as a response, "You just proved my point."

Satoru whines Suguru's name and falls back down on the bed, dropping his arm on Suguru's clothes, "You're annoying."

Suguru watches Satoru with amused eyes. He knows all about the silver-haired boy’s embarrassing crush on you. He flirts and teases you all day only to mope around and whine about why you don’t like him back. Suguru loves his best friend, but how much whining can a person take? Especially since he talks to Shoko, and Shoko is your best friend, and Shoko has informed Suguru that you very much do like Satoru back. 

With a snort, Suguru walks over to his chair and goes back to doing what he was doing when the man-child speaks again.

"Hey, make a playlist. Nanami will be there and I can't deal with any more of his depressing emo music."

---

When you got there, the party was in full swing. People are dancing on tabletops, drinking cheap beer and hard liquor, and smoking all kinds of things, and you're pretty sure you saw someone passed out on a desk littered with plastic cups and playing cards. Leave it to Mei Mei to throw the craziest parties in college history.

You wished you could cling on to Shoko through the entire night, but she ditched you with a simple pat on the back and a nonchalant "have fun", and so here you were, in the kitchen drinking something too colorful, and ridiculously sweet for your liking. Satoru would like this shit, you think, begrudgingly swallowing the concoction.

"You don't like the drink?"

You look over to your side and find a guy you've never seen before. The kitchen is more or less empty with a few people coming and going as the blaring music from the room connected to the kitchen shakes the walls. Sheepishly smiling and putting the glass on the counter you were leaning against you reply, "It's a bit too sweet for me."

The guy laughs a hearty chuckle and moves closer to stand right in front of you, blocking your view of the open entrance of the kitchen and the room conjoined to it. He's tall, not taller than Satoru, you deduce, and fairly good-looking.

"Ironic. You seem pretty sweet yourself."

You snort, "Wow, smooth."

He looks at you with half-lidded eyes and you know what he's thinking, as he reaches out his hand and introduces himself. You reciprocate and give him your name before adding, "I haven't seen you on campus before."

"Yeah, I don't go here. I'm a friend of Mei Mei's."

You nod your head slowly and look for an opening to get out of the conversation, "So, just here for the party?"

He grins and places both his hands on either side of you, caging you against the counter, hovering his face too close to yours for comfort, "Initially yeah, but now I think I found a better reason to stay."

You cringe internally. Oh god…

---

"What the fuck?"

Moving his eyes to follow Satoru's line of sight, Suguru scrunches his face, "Ouch. Sorry, man."

Satoru's eyebrows are drawn together and his eyes are flaming as the plastic cup crumples from his unyielding grip. He thinks about walking over to where you were in the kitchen and stomping all over that random guy's face until he looks like the red plastic cup; disfigured, sad, and lying motionless on the floor.

"Who the fuck is that guy?"

Suguru senses upcoming trouble as Satoru's anger starts to pulsate louder than the actual music. He takes another plastic cup and fills it with a concoction consisting of alcohol mixed with something fruity, handing it to an absolutely livid Gojo Satoru, "I dunno. Why don't you go and find out?" 

He watches Satoru down the entire cup after which he slams it on the table. They exchange glances as Satoru gives Suguru a sly grin, "Play something appropriate, will ya?"

Suguru watches with a smirk as his best friend marches over to the kitchen. Playing a song he deemed appropriate, he looks around to find Shoko talking to Utahime and saunters over to her, nudging her on the shoulder.

Glancing at him, she quirks an eyebrow as she takes a drag of her lit cigarette. Suguru points over at the kitchen as Shoko leans to the side to check out what he was gesturing to, and a wide grin blooms on both their faces. Their thoughts seemed to merge at that moment. This is either going to be really fun, or really bad.

---

“There you are, sweetheart!” 

Your attempt to maneuver yourself away from the counter and the man blocking your way was interrupted by the booming voice you know so very well. Peering over the guy’s shoulder you see Satoru sporting his usual smug smile, bounding toward you and gently wrapping his fingers around your wrist. The man immediately scampers five steps behind as Satoru towers over him, his intimidating posture and menacing grin wiping the overconfident facade the man was previously showcasing. Wrapping his arm around your waist, Satoru leans down to leave a kiss on the top of your head, all while keeping his piercing blue eyes locked on the terrified man’s pale face. 

“You done flirtin’ with my girl?”

The guy stutters face darkened in embarrassment as he rushes away, presumably to crawl into a hole and die. You watched the whole interaction with confusion overwhelming your senses. When Satoru’s arm drops from your waist, you snap back to reality as you laugh and look up at him with amused eyes, “Well, that was hilarious. Nice acting.” 

You expect him to laugh and just leave it be, so when his eyebrows furrow and eyes stare pointedly at you, your confusion comes rushing back. 

“Seriously? That loser?”

You wonder why Satoru’s being so hostile; maybe he doesn’t like that guy, maybe he’s just protective. But then you notice the light blush covering the apples of his cheeks and it hits you - Oh, he’s jealous.

Huffing, you lean against the counter crossing your arms across your chest and reciprocating the same pointed look right back at him, “Why do you care?” 

He stares at you for a few beats and then sighs and turns back around to leave, “Forget it.”

You have liked Satoru for a while now, but the boy never speaks freely. One moment he’s flirting with you nonchalantly, and right when you start to think he might like you as more than a friend, he does things like this. So you decide to persist this time by reaching out and grabbing his slender wrist, “Hold on, just tell me. Why do you care?”

You watch his shoulders rise up and down and before you realize what’s happening, Satoru whips around and cages you against the counter, similar to how to were trapped a few minutes ago, except this time you’re sure your heart skipped several beats. 

He drops his head next to your ear and whispers, “Because, I know you.” 

You feel his fingers run through your hair as he tucks a few strands behind your ear. Keeping you between him and the kitchen counter, he leans down and aligns his face directly across yours. You feel his sapphire eyes burn through your eyes to the back of your skull as he leans closer, his nose mere inches away from yours. “I know what makes you blush, I know what words you like to hear, I know what you want to feel…” 

Your face is getting exponentially warmer by the second and you think your heart is following the rhythm of the drums playing in the song currently blasting through the speakers. You stare at him wide-eyed and stunned at his antics.

“S-Satoru-”

His eyes trail down to your lips and then back to your eyes and his lips curl into that stupid smile you hate so much. At this point, you’re both breathing into each other's faces and he tilts his head to the side, eyes zoned in on your lips, inching forward until you can smell the sweet scent of alcohol and mint in his breath and the deodorant on his body. You’re too stunned to close your eyes, so you don’t miss the way his lips barely graze yours before he stands straight and grabs the cup you had previously abandoned on the countertop - a piece of information you had completely forgotten about. You watch him chug the entire drink and sigh in satisfaction, as he gently sets the cup down and moves back. “Sorry. Got carried away there,” his eyes are soft and your stomach is light as if filled with feathers. You’re speechless, shocked, and so bothered. Standing there with your heart lodged in your throat, you watch Satoru leave with a smile and not a clue in his pretty head on just how he makes you feel.

a/n: very special thanks to my dear @daisy-the-quake for test-reading this <;33

taglist: @thepup356, @porridgesblog, @stray-npc, @daisy-the-quake, @reignsaway, @ainetx, @icarusignite, @mariapierce789

[chocoqtelle]

Pac, who's your soulmate?

Your soulmate is someone who overthinks a lot. When they see you, you might notice them trying to fix their hair or make sure they look nice. You mutually make each other feel complete. It's like they're fixated on you. They just wanna hold you as their own. Like "you're mine". It may seem a bit possessive but they just wanna hold you and keep you safe. There's no negative intentions with this. They're a hard worker and wanna make sure you don't have to work as hard as them. They might take you out and buy you gifts. I'm getting that you may be really stressed a lot currently or at the time you meet your soulmate if you haven't yet. They notice/will notice how stressed you are even if you try to hide it. They wanna take away your worries and help you relax. Maybe with a massage or words of affirmation after work. They could also let you vent a lot. They like giving you presents and surprises. Maybe throwing surprise parties for you. It seems like they're trying to break down your boundaries a bit so they can give you gifts and I'm getting they wanna give you " everything you want." They don't think you'll really accept the gifts otherwise. They could have had a bad past or have tried to be some type of "player" but now they're trying to focus on you and change. They're someone you can really trust and open up to. They're a non-judgemental person to talk to especially if you're looking for practical advice when you're mind is clouded. They're very trust worthy and they'll build your relationship off trust and love.

Music could be significant, especially lofi and/or classical music. Your soulmate is extremely fair and morally correct. They could study a lot of social problems and try to keep their awareness up. They're very stubborn and won't back down easily, especially if it's something they believe in. They might be a bit trapped in their own mind. Like they imagine people out a certain way and expect them to be like that in reality. They may rely on material things and sexual things to cope with trauma and to keep themselves "protected." They could have had traumatic experience with a father figure. They try to cope with things that are overall unhealthy for them. They also worry too much about their reputation and try to portray themselves in a "strong" way. Could also struggle with toxic masculinity. Even with that, they've been doing everything on their own. They do know how to take care of themselves (somewhat) and others but they often choose not to in fear of being hurt or used. They've worked hard for what they earned and aren't ready to give it up that easily to just anyone. They're scared of saying too much about their emotions or opening up. This person could very much have other options but you're actually the person for them (the lovers card). They're not used to feeling this rushing wave of emotions and they aren't exactly sure how to deal with it. It's like they wanna be tough but have this tiny little soft spot for you that they can't get rid of. It might make them uncomfortable? Like they wanna be all cool and edgy or whatever but they can't because you and they don't know why they feel this way. They're friends are what to watch out for though. They could be bad influencers or sabotaging.

You have a very soft and caring energy to you. Not in a people pleaser way (at least mostly not) but more in a sincere and laid back way. You may be taking time to heal and focus on work or school currently. Your soulmate tries to hide their feelings a bit with a cold persona. In reality, they're really really in love with you. They love how nice and perfect you seem. They wanna provide mental and emotional stability for you. They also wanna know more about who you are as a person. They may be straight forward and a bit blunt when it comes to you. Like the main love interest from"Marry My Husband." I got the queen of swords and king of swords for you two. This is a connection where both parties better each other and learn. Not only learning through experience, but also learning directly from each other. They're scared you may leave them for other options or that you're already with someone who you think is better. They're very protective of you, especially when it comes to who you hang around. They think some people you surround yourself with aren't in your best interest and could be causing you harm. They wanna keep you away from them and have you more to themselves. Your friends may make you do all the work in the friendship or exclude you. I'm also getting using you for entertainment. Soon, the friendship will end so there's no means in sticking around to watch as it happens. They see obvious commitment issues from a fear of being left/abandoned. However, they also see this making it difficult for you to leave toxic people behind. They wanna let you know they're here for you and will take care of your emotional needs in any way you want from them.

[sacchiri]

[Hellsing] Female Fans' Round-Table Discussion

A 6-page interview from the 2012 Hellsing Official Guidebook, featuring five grown-ass women chatting about Hellsing in a casual discussion format and translated into English for the first time ever by yours truly.

Honestly this was way more entertaining to read than I thought it would be. It’s also really funny seeing this super-casual discussion printed in the book right alongside Hirano's—-oh who am i kidding, this is 10x more professional and less deranged than whatever goes on in Hirano’s interviews.

Anyway, without further ado...

Does Hellsing have little to no female fans? Nay! Assembled before you are five women with an undying love for the series. Let’s see their passion for this work show itself as they butt heads!

Is the female fanbase just hiding itself or what?

Moderator: Now then, everyone, let’s start off with introductions.

Ms. T: I am Ms. T. I’ve been walking the path of an otaku since middle school, and it’s already been ● years since then. How do I put this, all of you seem like fairly normal people…

Everyone: Oh no—rest assured we are all otaku as well. (laughter)

Ms T: Oh, really? (laughs) Anyway, I’ve continued to love manga for all this time. Thank you for having me.

Ms J: I’m Ms J. I was already at a decent age when Hellsing began serialization, but to create something so enticing—as expected of Hirano-sensei! (laughs). This is the kind of manga I’d better buy and collect, I thought.

Ms A: Out of today’s gathering, I’m probably the one who became an otaku at the oldest age. (laughs) My friend told me, “Hellsing is a manga that really crazy people read”, so at first I couldn’t get around to starting it. But around the time volume 8 came out, I binge-read it, and it was so interesting that I couldn’t help but get obsessed.

Ms R: I’m probably the youngster in this group. By the time Hellsing started serialization, I was just entering middle school. [T/N: That makes her 27 at the time of this interview.]

Of course we didn’t really have the term "edgy-teen syndrome" back then, but around me the manga was definitely gaining popularity in that edgy teen fashion. One of my best friends was obsessed with Hellsing and I’d borrow it after they finished reading it, and I got addicted too.

Moderator: I’m under the impression that the female readership for Hellsing is overwhelmingly small, but…

Ms J: Nah, I think they’re just hiding. I mean, it’s not like you’d talk about Hellsing to someone in passing. You wouldn’t suddenly say, “Y’know, Alucard is…”

Everyone: True. (laughs)

Ms J: There isn’t much opportunity to bring it up, or perhaps you could say it’s a hard topic to bring up to the general public.

Ms A: Like how you can’t have a pork-and-rice bowl first thing in the morning or something.

Ms J: Yeah, like that. Actually, among my circle of female otaku friends, everyone has read Hellsing.

Ms T: Among manga fans, Kouta Hirano is well-understood.

Ms J: Any fan of manga who doesn’t know Kouta Hirano is a faker!

Ms T: Disregarding whether you’ve properly sat down and read his works or not, I feel like it’s impossible for a manga enthusiast to not have at least heard of Hirano-sensei. But we are talking about manga fans in general, and the range of tastes is so broad. If someone were to say to me “I’m a fan of Kouta Hirano”, only then would I be like, “Oh, so I can talk comfortably with this person”.

Moderator: It’s a good litmus test to use. (laughs)

Ms A: It’s only when you broach the topic of Kouta Hirano that you can finally talk about Hellsing. You can’t go straight from “So I hear you like manga” to “So, about Hellsing…”, lol.

Ms J: If you met someone for the first time and you go “So I heard you like manga? What about Hellsing?” that’s like coming straight for their throat with a knife. (laughs)

Moderator: Even as a gauge to see how much of an otaku your opponent is, it’s a bit too much to try and break the ice with Hellsing.

The wonders of dialogue

Ms J: Speaking of the good points of Hellsing, I think it’s that it doesn’t get overly preachy. You can see this starting from Cross Fire, but you really get the sense that everyone’s equally crazy here.

Ms A: I can see that. No one is on the side of justice. Like the Major, he’s a nasty little guy. The type of guy who would casually twist off an ant’s legs or something like that.

Ms J: That Major, his beta male levels are literally off the charts.

Everyone: (bursts into laughter)

Ms J: Actually, something that caught my interest about the setting is that only virgins can become vampires. In the first place, I don’t think European vampire lore makes that kind of distinction.

Ms T: Father Anderson is probably a virgin, since he has religious reasons for celibacy. Though it might depend on religious sect. I wonder if there’s a meaning behind this concept of chastity?

Ms J: The idea of chastity is valued in the Hellsing universe as well.

Ms A: Right, since if you aren’t a virgin you become a ghoul, and then it’s game over and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Ms R: Speaking of which, Integra’s a virgin, too.

Ms T: Integra being a virgin is an important part of the story.

Ms J: In my personal opinion, the best couple is definitely Alucard and Integra.

Ms R and Ms A: I was going to say the same!

Ms T: Integra and Alucard call each other “Count”, don’t they? You know, in a previous life it’s possible that Integra was a man. Perhaps Alucard is seeing the Count Hellsing of the past through Integra. Thinking about that possibility makes a girl’s heart flutter. Not to mention Integra’s appearance leans towards that of a man— Ah, it’s just so peak! [T/N: I'm not being facetious, 盛り literally means peak]

Ms A: Those who want to read a male/female romance can enjoy doing so, and for people who like BL, there are plenty of elements that can be enjoyed as BL also. I feel like the reason you can enjoy both things is because the relationships that are depicted are not constrained purely to sexual love.

Ms J: For those who like to read into the BL aspect, there are lots of fight scenes that can’t be ignored, can they? Particularly in the endgame. Like Girlycard and Young Walter, that was...really something.

Moderator: That part was just unfair! I mean, after getting captured by Millennium and going M.I.A., all that anticipation was building and building, and for Walter to be reintroduced like that!

Ms J: When I got to that part I was like, “Man, Hirano-sensei really did his best to keep all that stuff pent-up for so long". For both Walter and Girlycard, I mean.

Moderator: Speaking of Girlycard, I get the feeling that the idea for her was in place since the early stages of story development.

Ms J: I wonder about that… on the other hand it seems like it was a very spontaneous decision. (laughs)

Ms A: Even if the story developments feel spontaneous, I feel like the characters' settings are polished to a high degree from the beginning. Even though a new character suddenly appears out of nowhere, you end up following along without feeling a sense of discomfort. In Hirano-sensei's mind, I'm sure that each character is cultivated with an equal amount of attention. After that it's just a matter of deciding what situations the character will appear in.

Ms J: Each character is excellently molded to their place in the story. Even though normally it should be very challenging to create characters that would fit in this sort of world. (laughs) From the moment of their introduction, they are already dyed in Hirano's unique brand, and you can tell that Hirano understands them well.

Ms R: After all, characters from his past works before Hellsing make appearances in the manga, so you get the feeling that these are ideas that have been stewing in his head for a long time.

Moderator: And within Hellsing too, these characters grow and develop. Like Maxwell—he started out as a mere brat, but then he went full tryhard mode and developed that cunning and pretentious side to him.

Everyone: (leans forward) Yeah, that's right!!

Ms J: —And he had that past with Anderson, didn't he? I was like "Hold on a sec, a flashback scene now, are you kidding me"? Even though I knew that a flashback is basically a death flag, I couldn't help but love it. (laughs)

Ms A: At the final moment, Maxwell called Anderson "Sensei", a reversal of their dynamic thus far. Up until then there were hints of foreshadowing, but nothing definite. But with that single word you could feel the adoration Maxwell had felt for Anderson when he was a child... It's amazing how potent that line was. The timing of delivery was excellent, too.

Ms R: Up until that point Maxwell was portrayed as nothing more than a snob, but the truth is there were reasons why he became that way.

Ms T: Hirano-sensei is very skilled at depicting relationships between men.

The beauty of composition

Ms A: In Hellsing, there aren't any characters that go too far beyond the range of normal anatomy.

Even with regards to enemies and such, there aren't any massively gargantuan or bulky characters. Everyone is more or less normal. And yet, there is so much impact in the poses that it leaves you with a strong impression. Those standout panels just radiate style—so much so that anyone with an eye for art will be impressed by them, I think.

Ms T: The paneling is relatively simple, but the composition sense of each panel is amazing.

Ms R: I love the stuff like Rip Van's silhouette. The balance between her and the musket is super cool. Even though something that size in real life would be impractical to shoot, it looks so cool that it's like, "Who cares!"

Ms A: Fight scenes that should have a lot of movement are instead surprisingly depicted with still frame shots, and they have a beauty to them reminiscent of paintings. It makes me want to stare at the same handful of panels for a long time. Calling it aesthetic beauty might be a bit of an exaggeration, but...

Ms T: Not an exaggeration at all, I think there is a lot of aesthetic beauty. For me, when I look at Hirano-sensei's artwork, I'm reminded of ukiyo-e paintings. And in the movement, I sense a bit of kabuki theater.

Moderator: Each panel is created with beauty in every nook and cranny, so as to work as a standalone illustration.

Ms R: The way shadow and blood is depicted is so good, isn't it? It really makes full use of the monochrome medium.

Ms A: When I was reading the scene in volume 8 when Cromwell Level 0 is released and soldiers are unleashed in hordes, it reminded me of a medieval copperplate engraving. The plot developments in that moment were so interesting, and the density of the illustrations so rich, that simply staring at them was enjoyable.

Ms T: It really draws you in, doesn't it? In other manga that have very detailed art styles, the realism makes it feel similar to a liveaction movie. But Hirano's works are 100% "manga", I would say. In that sense, none of it is realistic at all. But that's why it's possible to achieve poses and compositions that are impossible with photography, and that's why he can portray things I didn't even know I would want to see.

The position of women in Hellsing

Moderator: To all of you, was there a scene where you were like, "This scene right here is where I became obsessed"?

Ms J: So this is my personal taste, but I liked the setup of the handsome lady Master and the handsome male Servant. I like butlers, too. So once those three conditions were satisfied, I was like, "This is a good manga". The part where I was like "This is a really good manga" was when Anderson was introduced. At first, I was thinking this would be a story where Alucard dotes upon Seras and raises her up as a vampire, but then we were introduced to a Catholic priest from the same religion, yet who aims to defeat the protagonists...

Ms A: You can't deny the impact of Anderson. The only thing he wants to do is "exterminate vampires". While characters in Hellsing may undergo sudden changes, they never waver. They race from their introduction to their final chapter with just as much momentum as when they were first introduced. Not only is it satisfying to read, you won't be disappointed. As long as your favorite character appears, you can focus all your attentions on them, and before you know it you'll have binge-read to the last chapter. (laughs)

Ms T: For me, the scene when Integra discovers Alucard in the basement, and Alucard was revived with her blood is when I became hooked. While it is an expected development for vampire stories, that part of the story was very beautiful. And afterwards, I loved the tender portrayal of Seras's growth. Among ero-guro media, there are many works that portray women in a demeaning manner, but Hellsing is not one of them.

Ms A: In Hellsing, there is no distinction in the roles that are assigned to men and women.

Ms J: Indeed, women fight and stand on the front lines. And it feels natural.

Ms R: To tell the truth, when I first started reading Hellsing, I thought Integra was a man. And, for some reason it felt overly pandering [T/N: I assume she means pandering to fujoshi] and I just couldn't get into it. But then I realized Integra was a woman, and I was like "Oh, so it's a female/male master-servant relationship! I'm sorry for making such a weird assumption!" (laughs) I feel like it's important that Integra is a woman.

Ms T: In volume 1 there were moments where Integra was told incredulously, "You're a woman?", but in those moments I always felt that, ironically, being called a "woman" was what made her so much more cool. In Hellsing, you get the feeling that all characters are loved by the creator regardless of being male or female, enemy or ally. There are many standout characters among the villains, for example.

Ms J: Each character showcases their individuality in their fighting style as well.

Ms A: I love that Rip Van is this scrawny girl with long limbs, who wields an old-fashioned musket—it gives off a really fantastic impression. The fact that a girl is given that kind of position, without it feeling offensive. When men draw female characters there tends to be a bit of double standards going on, or it can feel cloying or annoying depending on the scenario, but I don't feel that in Hellsing.

Ms J: Far from being annoying, the depictions of women feel unique and cool in their own way.

Ms A: You're right. Traditionally, female characters are accompaniments to the hero, aren't they? But Integra takes the lead, and while Seras is supported by those around her, she moves according to her own choices. Even among the female villains, they are given important roles that they carry out to the end, so you can read while feeling a sense of satisfaction.

Points you would recommend to other women

Ms T: Doesn't the series in general have a sort of sensuality?

Ms J: It does. As it gets nearer and nearer to the endgame, even the fight scenes show more tenderness. It's like a "They love each other, therefore they trade blows" vibe that feels erotic.

Ms R: When Alucard returned to London in volume 8, it felt pretty romantic.

Ms T: On the other hand, the explanations about weapon specs that pop up everywhere seem very male-oriented. I guess this is what you call the author's hobby.

Ms J: Speaking of the author's hobby, I feel like the fact that Walter is an old man is one of them. If you think about it purely in terms of reader appeal, there should have been no problem if Walter was young from the beginning. I get the impression that he was like, "If you're going to add a butler, it better be an old geezer". Ahh—the more I reread, the more I feel like I discover new things.

Moderator: There is plenty more we weren't able to talk about, but to close us off, please appeal to the women who haven't read Hellsing yet as to why they should read the series.

Ms A: The female characters are so full of life, so why not give it a try mainly for the female characters?

Ms T: You can read it together with your boyfriend! There are lots of battles and weapons that guys would like, and there's no nasty relationship drama, so it might actually be a big hit among couples.

Ms J: "Look at Integra and Alucard, honey, they're just like us!" or something? (laughs)

Ms R: When you think of vampire media, you might be inclined to imagine something campy and whimsical. But even though there's a lot of absurdism at play, the world is based on real historical facts. So I want to recommend it broadly, even to those that don't normally enjoy fantasy.

Ms T: I feel like Hellsing is like a very strong liquor. At first you might feel that the taste is overwhelming, but once you get used to it, it becomes delicious.

Ms J: Please go in with zero expectations and give it a read.

Moderator: Thank you all for your time today!

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Link to the raw scans (which are not mine). Feel free to spread and repost my translation to other sites.

[yanderecandystore]

Hey!!!! Hope you doin ok.

I was wondering if you could write headcanons for the yandere senpai where he gets jealous of all the time you are spending with you’re friend and not him

Thanks for the attention and have a great weak!!!

Is this referring to my old post? [🌧️😤♥️] This one? Because if so then HELL YES!! (but also, if it isn't I'm sorry, I would totally be down to write about a more sweet senpai, cause this guy is mean-)

My favorite flavor is "the senpai actually does like the mc", thank you for requesting this. Have a great week too, boo! I hope you'll enjoy the newest menu addition, Opera Cake! I'll make a profile for him later on X'D

TW/Tags: He can be a bit of a jerk, be patient with him // delusional/in denial // anger issues // light cursing because the author has an dirty vocabulary // bad communication (from you and him lmao) // dangerous jealousy // mentions of stalking // very controlling // sorry for the long ass wait

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Bitter Coffee [Yandere-Tsundere!Male!Senpai! x GN!Reader - Headcanon]:

🎇 Let me set the stage for a quick sec! 🎇

(This is not a continuation nor a prequel, but it does involve the same idea of the post I've mentioned before, which by the way, is old and has some cringey text!)

Christopher was many things, including socially unaware, or at least socially awkward. Yes, the guy was smart, handsome and that edgy grumpy aesthetic could be pretty charming- He looked like a half-dead, lanky librarian with a bad eyesight and that was probably why a lot of people flocked to him.

The man wasn't goth, but he was gothic, ya know? The man was built like a tree and somehow, people just seemed really interested in him! He never really understood why, he just wants to be left alone!! Please!!

He hates having people surround him constantly and talking way too loud, way too close to his face all the time- Seriously, they won't get a kiss doing that? (Which by the way, ew?! Ew. Is what he would think).

He is a very distant person, and he seems to purposefully push people away from him, but he tends to not do that with you- Most of the time.

You were a stalker, it was quite simple, even if he DID make an effort you would still follow him, wouldn't you?!

You were annoying, frankly he knew all about your… "Admiration". Seriously, you're not being sneaky, sugar cube. You were more persistent than the other ones, which was probably how you managed to weasel your way into his life.

… No, that's not true, although he is as friendly as a cactus to everyone including you, he really appreciates your company. You weren't really all that bad at all, but you had a way to make him frustrated that he didn't know how to describe.

So when he sees you avoiding him recently he feels like you're just trying way too hard to make him worried for you- Frankly, he thinks your game of cold-shoulder is dumb and should stop right now!-

Chris didn't think you were doing it on purpose at first, well, to be honest at first he was glad to have his own space for a few days! Especially since he was already busy studying, he could be a smart person but he studying was a focusing nightmare to him-

Then later, after the test week, you still seemed very distant… He thought you were finally focusing on your education like you always complained about, hell, he even came to you one day and told you how proud he was! Even inviting you to study in his house!! He never does that!

Oh… But you didn't understand why he was so happy, and he didn't understand why you rejected his offer… He was wrong on his assumption, then? Or did you really not want to spend time with him?

"As expected, I don't even know why I assumed you would be studying, let me guess- You were too focused on another random piece of media this week? Do I know it? We could talk about it on the way out, like always right?" He wasn't the best with words, and neither with his tone. Yet he was genuinely expecting you to talk to him about it, like you always do!... You didn't. You answered in a hurry and scurried away.

Maybe you were just in a hurry, maybe if he was lucky he'll be able to catch you to walk with him home.

You didn't, but worse than not finding you was seeing you walking around with one of your so-called friends. Mylo, was it? Well, it could be worse… Annie was a LOT more annoying to deal with.

Always so possessive of you, it didn't seem like a healthy friendship at all yet you never took his words seriously… Always so protective of you, as if a leaf couldn't fall on your head that you just break under pressure! [Y/n] is their own individual, ANNIE!!

Says the mf following you two-

Mylo was a lot less direct about his discomfort regarding your crush, well… Your friend had his own motives, and of course he would NEVER do anything to hurt his best friend! But he couldn't bring himself to be mean towards Christopher, maybe he just simply couldn't be mean to anyone perhaps…

So interactions between these two were often civil, polite, yet very not pleasant. Chris never understood how you could be friends with those two, they were clearly obsessed with you.

Wait… was.. Was that why you haven't been able to spend time with him at all?! Because of GODDAMN MYLO?!

"HEY!!" He yelled out as he made his previously hidden presence known, acting as if he just came close to you know and that he hasn't been following you two for a long time now-

Despite your clear confusion since technically the route is fairly different from the one you usually take to go home- He brushed it off by simply placing his right arm above your shoulders and around your neck, being in the middle between you and Mylo.

Who, by the way, noticed it but didn't even try to change the situation.

"Ah, I missed walking around like this! [Y/n], why didn't you tell me you were going this way before? I was planning on going to that ice cream shop you always told me about- Where have you been lately, by the way?"

He is very not subtle about this, he is trying but he can't lie about how his true intentions here is trying to deviate you from walking with your friend. Oh, you were going to his home to play games? So he'll come too, obviously, and if Mylo doesn't want that then too bad! Guess Game Friday will have to be another day!!

Oh… Mylo doesn't… think it's a bad idea to have you two over… That wasn't really the plan, especially since Chris doesn't like to be in someone's house that he doesn't know well enough.

".....ffffffFINE!! Great even!!" He was fuming, it was very obvious how displeased he was with the situation, but he would be damned if he backed down now!

→ Christopher Hill:

He is a dumb-dumb, he'll take a long time to realize he is jealous and then proceed to do everything in his power to make it everyone else's problem.

He doesn't even know he likes you so much, or that all the bad things he says about your friends could be attributed to him.

He finds them possessive and obsessed with you, but he goes out of his way to insert himself on your little "friend hangout" even if it pains him to no end. In this scenario, I mentioned Mylo who isn't very confrontational, and actually is very interested in hanging out with your crush (he is very curious about why you like this twig of a human being so much… maybe he understands it a little bit…).

Annie is almost the complete opposite, she finds Chris's game of cat and mouse with you really unhealthy and wishes you could fall out of love for this guy already- I-It isn't love!! It's just a stupid crush on a stupid guy that never treats you how you deserve to be treated! Annie is very likely to start arguing with Chris over the smallest of things (but never addressing the actual issue in your presence, you don't need to see them at their worst like that…).

Christopher is very awkward with his words, and part of him knows he'll end up losing you for his own condescending tone and overly grumpy attitude- So he doubles down on his bad traits to try to protect himself from the inevitable. But the other part of him thinks you're just playing around, trying to provoke these reactions out of him on purpose, trying to make him jealous because you're so obsessed with him you want to see him be in your shoes for once, is that it?!

Sugar cube, you have NO idea how aggravating it is to suddenly not be in your spotlight, to be ignored without a warning. And for what- Your weird friends?! Oh it just brings out the worst in him.

In the case he gets to spend time with you even in your friend's presence (I'll use the previous scenario for example) he'll be attached to you like a bug, all those previous annoyances with your sudden touch seem to jump out of his mind- He becomes very clingy especially since your friends are very touchy.

Game Friday Night won't be the same with him there, and that goes to every other special friend time you guys may have- He isn't subtle, he doesn't know how to, but he does know how to make you feel guilty. You haven't talked with him in so long! What were you thinking?!

But of course, he won't be AS obvious about it as he doesn't mean to put the blame entirely at you, because it's not your fault, right? It's Mylo's fault, and Chris just needs to get back to the previous schedule-

Where it should be just you and him, the two dummies in their "will they won't they" FRIENDSHIP!! He just needs to take their place, you want game nights? Why not play with him in his house? His bedroom is a lot bigger than yours and Mylo's combined- But if luxury isn't the problem then maybe you'll appreciate the variety of things you two can play.

If he finds your friendships to be really taking a toll on your life (if you continue to ignore him) he might have to turn his offers from demands to orders, sugar cube! Of course he would never do anything to hurt you, but he is literally doing this for your own good, and if you continue to be so childish he might think you've been completely influenced by your friends.

Christopher is a lot more demanding and controlling than the other characters, not above being brutish with you if it means you'll actually listen to him for once! The initially petty, stubborn jealous man can turn into a controlling, raging angst if you don't be careful enough.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[donnerpartyofone]

This has been a really hard one to talk about. I'm always very ambivalent about mourning celebrities. I try to remember that I don't know these people, that what is really mourned by most of us is the person's ongoing work, which in the best cases has helped us understand ourselves and the world in which we live. Unavoidably, though, you can start to develop the sense that you know these people personally, which isn't true or even appropriate necessarily, I mean you have no idea whether you would even like someone you've only seen on a screen or received an autograph from; but at the same time, I don't know if you can really force yourself not to feel like the deceased celebrity is a dear friend you will never get to talk to again (the last time I tried and failed was the passing of Lux Interior). Maybe this is more forgivable, and also more inevitable, if you feel like you grew up with the person.

Of course this is all about ME now, but my mother (who also died from cancer) was an extremely hip, brilliant, funny individual who for whatever reason refused to form a relationship with me. This was pretty strange, because we liked a lot of the same things--B movies, old comics, all types of camp and kitsch--but when I liked those things, it was in poor taste and punishable by exile, whereas when she liked those things, it was evidence of her cultural genius. Before I make anybody too mad I should say that I'm being a little bit unfairly reductive just so I can get to the point, which is that one of the few things we could share was Pee-Wee's Playhouse. I didn't know anything about the show's more adult origins or the fact that Paul Reubens was sort of a performance artist, but I didn't have to. Pee-Wee's Playhouse was a feast for any child's senses: stylish, hilarious, and on some subliminal level, really sophisticated. I was clued into some of what was going on just because I watched it with my mom, who always laughed at Pee-Wee's winks and nudges to the hep parents in the audience. The show might have been my first encounter with the kind of anthropological humor favored by people like David Byrne and Laurie Anderson, artists who engage subversively with cliches, stereotypes, and other memetic parts of popular culture. In Pee-Wee's Playhouse, with its sharp, edgy cast and crew, kids like me were getting into fine art without even knowing it--which is possibly the best way to learn about art anyway.

In fact, on the other side of our house, I became obsessed with Gary Panter's incredible punk opus Jimbo In Paradise, a Dantesque comic book about an innocent young guy living in a dystopian future, where he is occasionally joined by guest stars such as Nancy and Hedorah. I was about 7 when I started reading Jimbo over and over again even though I could barely understand it, and I had no idea that Gary had pretty much designed Pee-Wee's Playhouse. I'm speaking about him so familiarly because I got to know him a little bit as a grownup. I remember Gary talking about how private Paul Reubens could be. He used to do this thing where he would accept a dinner invitation from anybody who asked, as sort of a stunt, but he had to stop doing it because people became so intrusive and entitled with him. Gary said that they'd be walking around in New York and when they saw an obvious Pee-Wee fan gearing up for an offensive, Paul Reubens would sort of transform into this totally different person, putting out an aura that let you know not to fuck with him. It's crazy-making to think that someone who was so protective of the boundary between his private and public selves had to suffer that ridiculous arrest, but it's heartening that most of society eventually grew the fuck up and forgot about it. It's also helpful to remember when he turned up later on the MTV Music Video Awards and started off by asking the audience, "HEARD ANY GOOD JOKES LATELY??"

I'm glad we got one more Pee-Wee special in the past several years, but I always wished that we would see Paul Reubens in more movies. He was such a cool actor, funny, convincing, and naturally charismatic. While people are cycling through their favorite roles of his, I want to point out that he had a great role on a recent HBO miniseries called Mosaic, an intense, engrossing crime drama that I definitely recommend if you have access. Maybe I'll rewatch it, too. In closing, here's a great story that I grabbed from Facebook that should warm everybody's heart, along with the heartbreaking statement (inappropriately cropped by Instagram of course) released upon the death of the very private Pee-Wee Herman. It makes you wish you could thank him in person, for everything. The best we can do is just remember him.