#but taking it literally it is the saddest fucking song on earth

[gingerbreadmonsters]

sometimes u just have to make urself absolutely MISERABLE but like in a sexy way

[mysticalstreamsalutations]

So I haven’t talked about the good shit in a while.

TW ed mention (no this isn’t the good shit, but this post isn’t going to be one for toxic positivity, & I’m not sorry for it.)

I know this: Sometimes life gets heavy. I mean, unbearably so; especially with this world in a state of crisis as it currently is. One soul crushing thing keeps happening, after the other, + sometimes, all at once. It takes a fuck lot to simply not collapse under the devastation, injustice, & losses we have collectively been subjected to the past few years. And it wasn’t fucking easy prior to this either; I will not act like it was. Mentally and emotionally, many of us have felt at the end of our ropes; completely emotionally, and mentally desolate. But. I just wanted to take a moment, and speculate on what I am GRATEFUL for right now, because it is absolutely necessary for every form of recovery I am trying to achieve. (ie: alcoholism, disordered eating, self loathing.) so here is a list of things I am grateful for, in no particular order: - A partner who loves me unconditionally, and without hesitation - which is something I had not had before. Major bonus: his fur babies accept me too. My love, & his boys have become family. 🏳️‍🌈 - A Home that truly feels like my own. But also ours. Somewhere I can be my saddest, weakest, and downtrodden-est, and it is still enough. I am still enough. - Parents/siblings who love me, despite not always understanding me. They genuinely give a damn, and I can see that now. I am of the firm belief however, that no person on this planet is going to make it through life unscathed. The trauma literally starts at birth. And I don’t mean to say that everyone’s lives are the same, or everyone’s pain is. That certainly isn’t the case. But I do feel I was put on this earth to transform, and transmute my soul/energy into its greatest potential. (However painful it may be, and however many cycles it takes.) Do I often feel like I have a purpose? Not really. But I am happy that I have decided, that merely living is enough for me. And I may not see eye to eye with all of my siblings on various things, but I love them all the same. My nieces and nephews are so precious, and wonderful too. I definitely lucked out on that front. - Sobriety from alcohol dependency… k, I’ll just say it - alcoholism. & no, I haven’t had a perfect record, since starting this “journey” at the end of Feb. I’ve had some slip ups. but I feel I should be able to celebrate the fact that I haven’t had withdrawals from alcohol, or even a hangover in 173 days. (I actually only know how many days, because of a Reddit post I made back then.) - MUSIC. 🖤 If you know me, you know there is almost always a song playing in my head. I call it J’s Internal Radio, lol. Although i am personally not musically inclined, I am going to draw from my angsty emo kid self, and say this: music has literally saved my life, more than once. Or rather it has helped me to save my own. P.s. I’m still that angsty emo kid, in my heart. <3 I probably always will be. (Only now I’m bound to wear a mix of black, + very colorful clothing - like an alt. hippie or something). Fun fact: The Paper Kites= currently playing on J’s I.R. - Nature! The only place where my mind can be still anymore. Feet in the river, hands plunging in, (next to @ultraterrestrialstars and Lex the Longhaired Chihuahua) searching for the perfect river rocks to take home, & love, + tumble. That is my happiest of happy places. - My physical health, + body: While I have resorted to some unhealthy coping mechanisms these past 10+ years or so, (& in turn, don’t always give my body the nourishment, + care it needs, & deserves) my body somehow still knows that it will be okay. I can feed myself delicious and nutritious food, & in turn, i shall receive energy, contentment, + eventually, peace. It isn’t easy to take care of something so multitudinous as that which harbors a soul, but I’m not alone, & I am determined. 🖤🤍

Eta: i’m also thankful for the few friends i’ve managed to make, and keep over the years, both IRL, and online. friends i talk to (almost) everyday, and friends i can go mos without speaking to, and when we finally do it’s as if no time has passed. “we communicate through memes” friends, musical soulmate friends, queer friends, smart ass friends, silly phone game friends, foodie friends, “let’s get coffee, and go from there” friends, badass feminist friends. “this made me think of you” friends, sweet as pie friends, “we couldn’t have a surface level convo if we tried” friends. i know it sounds like i have a lot of friends lol, but i don’t. the few i have are comprised of these things though, and i’m very lucky to have them. Quality over quantity, always. My partner is one of my very best friends.

[mortuarybees]

mr. Bees i sprained my ankle and am bedridden until further notice, please rec me ur fav fics under 8k (that adhd attention span is fun)

I’m so sorry to hear about your ankle!! I’d be happy to rec some fics. i’m only tagging authors if they have their urls listed with the fic! if you want me to add your url, just lmk :). also if my mutuals have posted fics feel free to put them in the replies bc yall have Taste:

salinity and other measurements of brackish water by drawlight / @drawlight - 3.5k - if you haven’t read salinity yet, drop absolutely everything and do it right now because it’s phenomenal and atmospheric and it absolutely aches!!! “It's an odd thing, getting on after the End of the World. Crowley takes to sea-watching.”

quiet light and ad astra (explicit) by drawlight @drawlight - the first clocks in at around 2k and the second at 8k. it’s the shortest and most effective slowburn i have ever read. quiet light is unconfessed love; ad astra is a love confession and first time and they’re beautiful

everything just stops by witching - 4.5k - idk how long you’ve been following me but when i first read it i FULLY had a meltdown and took all of you with me. it’s that “i love you deep, angel” shit “I love your silly aziraphale things” shit! they have the tenderest fucking conversation in literary history while crowley is drunk in a bath it’s wonderful

a culmination of miracles by prettydizzeed / @genderqueercrowley - 1.3k - an absolutely beautifully written fic about crowley having chronic pain and informing aziraphale about it six thousand years later

i keep a window for you (it’s always open) by prettydizzeed / @genderqueercrowley - 2.4k - a complete fkcing war crime of a fic of crowley getting emotional about romeo and juliet and continuing to be emotional about it for centuries and then, even worse, quoting r+j in a love confession.

such surpassing brightness by handful_of_silence - 7.7k - one of my favorite fics of all time! aziraphale is the patron of queer people and has been for thousands of years! fuck!

it’s the light (it’s the obstacle that casts it) by handful_of_silence - 5.7k - “The Patron Saint of London's LGBT Community is real, and he lives in Soho.” aziraphale and crowley speak polari. literally so up my alley i melted when i saw it

your hair was long when we first met by aziraphvle / @aziraphvle - 1.4k - crowley asks aziraphale to cut his hair and we are taken on a thousand-word journey about how aziraphale loves his hair and loves him and it’s. a whole lot. bringing samson by regina spektor into it was entirely uncalled for. again i am Weak for aziraphale loving and caring for crowley.

and then i will kneel down (explicit) - 5.4k - f. fleabag omens. it’s the confession scene but it’s aziraphale and crowley. it is More than you could ever possibly imagine

hard feelings/loveless by witching - 2.3k - "Aziraphale said it was like the opposite of the feeling you’re having when you say things like “this feels spooky.” Crowley didn’t know what to make of that, but he expected it was something like the opposite of the feeling you get when the only person who truly knows you makes a cryptic remark suggesting that you can’t understand love. Crowley understood love all too well.”

the saddest part of my day by witching - 3k - "crowley is preparing to leave on a demonic assignment, and he's very nervous about leaving aziraphale in charge in his absence.” they have a very open and honest and loving and very adult conversation about their feelings and tbh? That’s My Kink

summer and his pleasures by witching (explicit) - 7.2k - “absence makes the heart grow fonder, and crowley and aziraphale’s hearts were plenty fond to begin with. a story told through phone calls while they are separated for work-related reasons.”

penance by blissymbolics / @blissymbolics (explicit) - 5.9k - praise kink/crowley finally gets off after six thousand years of trying

like a prayer for which no words exist by lipsstainedbloodred - 8.1k - “In which Crowley and Aziraphale do not dine at the Ritz after that nasty business with Heaven and Hell, and Crowley has an existential crisis instead.”

men have gone to heaven for smaller things than that by mercuryhatter - 713 words - Robbie Ross’ funeral. “Aziraphale finds an age slipping away from him.”

where you stay i will stay by mercuryhatter - 866 words - men at the Hundred Guineas Club went by women’s names. aziraphale chose naomi and paid to keep the name ruth available in case crowley woke up. aaaaa

the hour/the spot/the look/the words by planethunter - 2.5k - “Crowley watches Pride and Prejudice (2005) and it spurs a realisation.” you can imagine what a trial it is to read p+p 2005 being brought into good omens but life is nothing but suffering apparently, i’ve learned that this summer through this fandom

and the punchline to the joke is asking SOMEONE SAVE US by princex_N / @princex-n - 5.8k - “The fact of the matter is that Crowley was the first bitter cripple to limp across the face of this planet. It's been 6000 years and things don't seem to have gotten much better.”

birds of a feather by idiopathicsmile - 3.6k - idiopathicsmile of world ain’t ready fame. if your life can be divided into Before Les Mis and After Les Mis, you understand. “Aziraphale nests. Crowley relearns some crucial facts about angelic courtship rituals.”

covet by mirawonderfulstar / @mirawonderfulstar - 2.4k - “Aziraphale, little good though it did him, wanted desperately. He wanted with an urgency that scared him. He wanted wine, and cocoa, and the occasional tea. He wanted gravlax with dill sauce, and Pappardelle Bolognese, and those awful little iced biscuits they had at Tesco at Christmastime. He wanted dinners at the Ritz and long walks in the park and late nights in the back room of his shop. He wanted Crowley. Fervently, achingly, he wanted Crowley.”

indellible by greased_lightning_rod / @aziraphallist (explicit) - “It turns out glitter is miracle-proof and, also, that it itches. Crowley needs some help preening. He gets a bit more than he bargained for.” Wing kink. yall know i’m weak for aziraphale taking care of crowley sue me

get religion quick (cause you’re looking divine) by brinnanza - 4.2k - “So it was fine. Even if Crowley couldn’t love him, he clearly liked him well enough, and that was almost the same thing. It no doubt would have continued to be fine, or at least fine-adjacent, were it not for a narrowly averted apocalypse and several bottles of a really quite nice Riesling Aziraphale had found in the back room of his newly restored bookshop.”

the nuances of “together” by mirawonderfulstar @mirawonderfulstar  2.8k - “Everybody in the whole world can tell Aziraphale and Crowley are a couple. Everyone except, apparently, Crowley.”

listen (he’s already told you five times) by darcylindbergh / @forineffablereasons - 1.8k - “Not everything Crowley says is said out loud. Aziraphale doesn't always hear him at first, but he's learning to stop being surprised.” Love!!! Languages!

sudden and surprising moments of overwhelming affection by darcylindbergh @forineffablereasons - 2.7k - “Aziraphale has not shut up in thirty-four minutes. Crowley’s been counting.” O More I Love Your Silly Aziraphale Things Shit. if you’re a neurotic talkative gay and insecure about it that particular genre of good omens fic is ruinous.

things truly terrible by darcylindbergh / @forineffablereasons - 1.2k - “Crowley has said some truly terrible things over the years, but this was the worst.” tooth-rotting-sweet love song-fueled confession.

tell me all the ways by tinsnip - 1.6k - “Crowley was out in the garden. Aziraphale was in his study, most definitely not looking out the window. Really. Really. One little speck of sentiment: was it so much to ask?” More! Love! Languages!

a name for earth by regencysnuffboxes - 1.1k - “Demons can’t say holy names, and Aziraphael accommodates his new friend accordingly.”

a home at the beginning of the world by stereobone / @stereobone - 5.8k - crowley just kind of. moves in with aziraphale. Meaningful Interior Decorating! Couch Metaphor! yall know what i’m weak for

[pffbts]

↳ bts: the way i see them.

―author`s note: this is a rough characterization which might not all be the real thing. literally, the longest thing i wrote here. even though it was exhausting, i can say i`m proud of myself. i hope you understand my pov for each and every one of them. and if you want you can tell me which one caught your eye the most in my ask box! anyway, happy reading, lovelies!<3

 ―seokjin

you`ll feel like the luckiest person, i swear.

as if that`s the home you need.

because seokjin is a homebody, as much as i`ve witnessed him to be.

he`ll always cook―yes, that`s his number one business.

he`s not going to let you come any closer to the kitchen or the gas or the microwave even though you continue to plead him that it`s alright and that you can at least make him a nice cup of tea or coffee once in a while.

in return of that he will tell you to treat him with tea or coffee at some fancy café, thus involving the investment of your credit/debit card.

now to the good part: pyjamas shopping

ever heard of that? no, i guess.

but it`s like a free item, or like a compulsory item/characteristic that comes with dealing and having seokjin in your life.

he loves his pyjamas, that`s his ‘loml’

probably owns too many for you to steal and he won`t even notice, i guarantee you.

people usually go for window shopping at some fancy store but kim seokjin will forget about window shopping and enter into the store to buy bear printed pyjamas.

if he`s in a good mood, he`ll probably buy you some too.

he`ll always end up calling you from the other side of the store in that loud, childish enthusiastic voice to see if the pink suits him or the baby blue one.

“which one do you think i`ll look good in?”

“jin, it`s not a suit. just get something that`s comfortable for you.”

“yahhh! i want to be presentable to you. choose one!”

against your wish, he`ll end up buying three sets of pink pyjamas.

you wanted the blue one, btw.

now to the best part of the century: guitar obsession.

literally, i feel like there are not many people who know that seokjin, indeed self-taught himself the guitar during the wings tour.

i, myself was so happy to see that.

he looked so calm and himself when he played it.

tbh if you ever hear him once playing it, you`ll be obsessed.

you`ll drag his guitar every time and request him to play it.

seokjin will be literally standing in his towel, his upper body still wet after the a nice warm shower and you`ll be sitting on your bed telling him to start playing.

your reason: “you look hot. now play me some sexy songs.”

seokjin doesn`t know why but you`re his cutest lil shit.

you never fail to make him laugh out loud or fall in love with you harder than the last day.

sometimes his ears would go red if he continues to stare at you for more than two minutes.

he gets flustered too soon and ends up gathering his composure after too many loud bursts of whining.

seokjin is the type of person to take care of our food supplies, he will not forget to pick you up from your workplace/college on time, never fails to make the most delicious tiffin.

like who even needs canteen food and fancy decorative restaurant food when you have none other than kim seokjin to take care of you.

he`ll be a little savage sometimes but that`s okay―it`s his way of loving you.

 at the end of the day, keeping you happy and content is his only business.

―yoongi

uncharacteristic at its finest.

no doubt the reason you`ll fall in love with him genuinely would be because of his uncharacteristic smile―those savouring gummies on display for you to eye feast on.

he`s the kind of person who will be the reserved and shy ones during the first couple of meetings but then as they open up like turning pages after pages in those story books, you`ll end up putting your palm up against his mouth to stop him from continuing his further liberal and capitalistic jokes.

the reason you`ll end up never leaving him because he was holding your hand all the time.

strangely that`s a very cherry on the top situation you can ever encounter with min yoongi

this man, however poised he is, never fails to make you feel special and it`s not like making food for you or arranging your clothes.

but rather he will look into the tiniest details and whenever you`ll scrunch your nose at that eye shadow shade, he`ll jump in from the other side of the room―his thousand dollars headphone around his neck like those three dollars chain (you know what i did right there, yes bye.) and tell you that you look beautiful nonetheless.

you`ll end up having a no make-up look and he`ll still never waver to look at your direction all the time.

 he`s just that kind of person―never underestimating the real you and always silently curious of what it is that makes up to you.

the most fun part with yoongi will be napping―yes, i understand that`s the dumbest thing i ever said but see what i`m trying to imply here.

you`ll never be bored because he `ll find some reason to make you feel less bored.

he`ll throw different ideas about how he wants to nap and what he wants to do.

you`re glad that one of that idea actually worked aka napping in different countries.

but it`ll be six hours with snacks spread in front of both of you and yoongi would be lying on the sofa talking like a drunk yet a sane person and you`ll be munching onto the lays while discussing a serious topic of napping.

a very peculiar person but unusually a good peculiar, you see.

for most of the time, he will not give any effort and just silently let you know that he loves you but when he gets loud, boy, does he get loud.

he`ll end up writing 349873897483 songs about you and you`ll never get bored of them cause they`re made with love.

he compares his love for you like poetry―literally liberal poetry.

i`ve no idea how he does that but that man―*sigh* you should be blessed you met him, held him and talked with him because i don`t think you`ll ever regret loving that one man. 

  ―hoseok

hmmm, first of all, figures, sun, laughter.

those are the three things that define jung hoseok of who he is.

also, another word―the much need glucose of my scorching Indian summer days.

alright, that was a phrase.

anyway, hoseok isn`t an easy person.

i can assure you that because the people who laugh a lot, talk a lot and are loud af 24/7 are the ones who hide the most.

it`ll take a lot of sad movies, a lot of sad memories to erupt at the same time for him to tear up.

i guess no one will fucking forget mama 2018.

hoseok isn`t an easy person but he`ll be the easiest one to talk to first.

it`s the understanding part that will take a while. but all that is in the insides.

let`s start with the outside―that is, his bright side.

he`s a dancer, so obviously he`ll be the energy in-between both of you.

sometimes i don`t know why but having him around you will feel like as if he`s transferring bit by bit of his energy into you and soon, you`ll find yourself swaying with that, swaying and moving with him.

that`s where your freedom of laughing freely starts, you`ll throw your hands in the air while he`ll be quick to hold onto them tightly and make you twirl on your own.

he`ll make those sounds as if putting the bgm to shame.

tbh having jung hoseok in your life is like living a constant life on a reel with sounds providing the perfect synopsis to your actions.

he`s like tunes you`ll never end up hating but nevertheless love to hold onto.

hoseok isn`t much of a work freak.

but he`ll be there to make things helpful for you, like if you need help with some stuff―he`ll be always up for some hand.

of course, you won`t have to be worried about the neatness of your room.

he`ll always end up putting things at the right places by the start of your week but will be expecting to meet with a mess of what you`re by the starting of the weekend.

but he doesn`t mind.

seriously, he doesn`t. yes, he does get frustrated but that`ll only show at the point when you both are in a stable relationship with each other. in the beginning i guess, he`ll exhale loudly, sigh a lot while arranging your stuff but he`ll not complain.

even though he`ll nag at the stable point of your relationship, he`ll just try to put things together inside you―sometimes changes are good, right??

also, the thing about hoseok is that―his temper fluctuates a lot.

but just like i said before, he won`t show that much often, not until he`s too much in this ride with you.

if you, by any chance break that tight and taut shell of his then he`ll breakdown a lot.

he`ll let you take a stroll inside his mind and especially his heart.

he`ll start getting raw with whatever he`s going through. but he`ll continue to assure you that he`s still the same happy guy whenever he`s around you

the reason, i guess, he doesn`t show these insides of his is because he doesn`t want you to feel down. he doesn`t want to become a different set of sadness on top of your own.

he wants to keep things neat, bright and vibrant for you.

he would rather be the brightest thing in this room of yours than the moon that gets overshadowed by clouds on some frequent occasions.

to conclude everything, he wants to live happily and he wants you to live happily before both of your time fades away.

―namjoon

*sighs*

a calming yet chaotic person striving hard to let you know that happiness exists in the saddest places on this earth.

yep, that`s what namjoon is.

keeping up with namjoon is difficult because he doesn`t blend in with every situation.

he likes to keep that distance you can`t see with naked eyes.

it would take a few moments for you to understand that this guy isn`t always what he let people show.

just like hoseok, namjoon has two sides of himself but for namjoon`s case, he lives in his insides rather than outsides like hoseok.

he keeps things real, and to do that he writes a lot.

a whole ‘mono’ exists to prove that point.

forget about his use of auto-tune here and there in the songs of that playlist and just go through the words.

he makes you think even though you don`t think that often and he`ll make you google things up to understand the depth of the facts he stated.

he keeps things simple.

from his clothes to his mind―he hates complicating things and that`s such a beautiful thing i can never fully describe you.

he hobbies are simple too―going for casual walks and visiting non-historical places aka parks, lake sides, river sides.

cycle is his best friend. #KimDaily is proof.

physically through a stout man, he doesn`t carry himself like that.

i`m going to say this again and again until you slap me hard but namjoon is a simpleton―he keeps thinking too simply that words don`t get stuck and gets overflowed through his hand.

i personally, relate to that.

but he`s overthinker―strange combination, i know but he thinks and complicates things a lot which makes him frustrated and so he writes a lot.

that`s the exact reason he`s always the one who contributes to the music making of Bangtan a lot more than the other three writers (hoseok & yoongi)

he runs out of words―yes, namjoon do runs out of words. if you watch some of his interviews, he stops and thinks what word to choose at that certain situation.

and you want to know why? because he has too many things at the same time in his mind and sometimes he can`t even pinpoint on single syllable over the other.

keeping up with namjoon means keeping up with his philosophical side too.

you`ll probably end up woke till 4 in the morning because human emotions are a mind-blowing concept to discuss with kim namjoon and sure it is! when it involves namjoon, it`ll always turn out to be the best thing to talk about.

namjoon`s source of entertainment isn`t for everyone.

for me, i think it`s perfect.

library dates? fuck, that`s better than sex.

to love him is to love him with your insides because this man doesn`t believe in the outsides of that person.

he prefers to dwell in the insides and pull out the string which will become the next topic of debate for both of you.

he`ll keep you on your toes when he finishes a book because then he`ll tell you everything about the characters which you, yourself couldn`t find.

he`ll tell you about things you never knew and you`ll realize that he`s by far the best thing after google.

he`s the nerd that is handsome, strong and had beautiful hands which are soft like feather.

so hold onto them tightly and don`t forget to give him his kisses.

―jimin

park jimin, you beautiful creature.

first of all, thank his parents.

listen, this man is the epitome of love.

he has always been that hard-working kid at the front of your class, never getting distracted. always loving what he does at that moment.

his parents are supportive of what he does and he never discourages them.

instead he saddens himself by degrading himself.

nothing makes me happy than knowing that he is in a better place of mind now, that he calls himself cute this days, that he loves the word ‘lovely’ too much.

 that he says, ‘i love you’ too aggressively in English these days.

i think smile suits him better than those smexy sunglasses, right?

talking about sunglass―btw, just like seokjin`s pyjama obsession, i think jimin has a knack for buying too many aesthetic coloured sunglasses.

you`ll probably end up buying too many of them too if you ever go out with him.

he`ll always make sure you`re getting enough share of food and everything necessary to survive in life.

he`ll always look out for the time you spend overworking yourself and drag you to take a rest.

but when you do the same, he`ll be like ‘babe, no worries. see i`m so strong!’

he is the kind of person i fucking need in life.

the kind of person who listens and doesn`t stop himself from crying along with you.

he`ll always lend you that undivided attention, that unshared shoulder to lean onto.

he`ll pick up the pieces for you and give you the time and space.

never will he once try to invade a space inside you without your permission.

though a flirty type of person, he is serious too.

he knows when to draw the line and the reason he is like that maybe because he loves skinship a lot.

yep, even though i`m not a big fan of skinship, park jimin sure makes me wonder what`s it like to cuddle for three hours with the loml.

thank you, jimin, now i`m depressed.

i don`t know about kinks that much but park jimin 3873873% has a praise kink.

and sure why the fuck not.

he`s after all a very beautiful, god-like person from inside and out and you better give him some love while passing by the street beside him.

100% shirt guy aka my type.

99.9% of the times that i`ve seen jimin, he`s always wearing light coloured or pastel shaded shirt and boy, he looks so good in them.

he looks better when his hair is half-wet and it`s messy.

he looks more beautiful when his face is bare and his eyes don`t have that perfect eye shadow.

his eye smiles. f u c k.

you`ll end up squeezing his face 23.5 hours a day and he won`t mind because he likes the way your skin feels against him.

also, just like hoseok his temper is very similar too. so i won`t explain much on that cause it`s too similar for me. like, no wonder whoever made them roommates, they know what`s cooking.

you`ll probably end up staying up another night with him watching too many cat videos. it`s thing that come in the whole package so you really can`t avoid even if you`re not a cat person.

on a serious note: the more you give him, the more he`ll cross the boundary of love. he`ll make you overwhelmed and thirsty with the needs.

he`ll not stop until he gives his all to you.

he`ll want you to keep going on with your life even though he knows it`s hard. he`ll give you his voice, his shoulders, his chest to rest for a while―to make you distract, to let you think of nothing but the warmth that radiate through his shirt.

he`ll probably end up loving you more than what`s meant to be and you`ll always end up thinking what did exactly you do to deserve such a precious human being.

―taehyung

i`m really tired but he`s my ultimate bias, the loml so here we go.

wow, i`m already blushing.

anyway, let`s go!

kim taehyung is the perfect definition of loving some fictional character so much that you want them to be real.

he`ll do the most animated stuff in real life and you`ll question your eyes.

but he`ll prove you wrong.

he`ll walk up to you, put on a simple snapback cap and a simple white/black t-shirt and boom! he`s the boy next door or the senior in school you`ve a crush on.

he stops everything from spinning around you and never hesitates to be honest with you.

for me he`s the most inside person ever. more than both namjoon even.

like namjoon can be vocal about his thought a few time but taehyung―no, at least i`ve not seen him much often.

even if he does, he will not talk much about himself.

he`ll try to sidetrack the conversation and make it about more of the others than of his.

taehyung dwells with the insides that continues to remain a secret to me.

if you think about it much harder, we basically know nothing about him apart from his little hobbies.

but the few things that you`ll end up encountering with him are: reading too many manga/comics over time and comparing the number of aesthetic earrings of each other.

taehyung`s wishes and habits are innocent like even though he`s a completely different person on stage.

but we all know that.

it`s because that`s a stage and you can`t just reveal the roughest patches of your character to a whole audience waiting to feed their insatiable hunger.

even though he likes investing in clothes and accessories, he does it to distract himself.

he`s the kind of person who doesn`t go out very often stays up inside his room with a jar of mixed fruit jam and bread on top of the bedside cupboard to diminish the sudden hunger while he`s binge-watching the newest anime.

he`ll end up listening to too many songs at the same time because he`s in that mood.

the one thing i love about him is that he loves to remember the little things that people usually forget about each other or the moment they`re living in.

he`ll remember the feelings, the way his heart swelled up when he looked at you, or the way his mouth wavered when he couldn`t scold his favorite character for doing something foolish.

he loves the little things and for me even though he looks into those details he never judges them.

he will respect you and never discourage you to be what you really are.

he will expect you to do the same thing in return.

dates with him will involves―too many junk foods, too much time to spend in museums and learning the names of capitals, too many time spent in loose clothes.

he`ll always be the type of rather buy clothes online than going store to store for that perfect fit.

also, apart from seokjin, i think taehyung is another homebody.

maybe that`s the reason he knows where to draw the line and never cross what he shouldn`t.

even though he`s a homebody, he isn`t much of a help with household works but tbh that doesn`t even matter.

if you want you can be the mess together. if you want you can spend a whole day cleaning while laughing at each other`s stupid mishaps.

i think those days will turn out well if you resonate enough with him because he`ll make sure to gift you the same resonance.

―jeongguk

will he ever stop being the cutest brat in the whole world?

i personally, don`t want him to stop.

jeon jeongguk, you mastermind of weightlifting.

first of all, being with him mean he`ll definitely use you as a weight lifting object or like being the weight which he can keep up with.

meaning, out 5/7 days in a week, you`ll end up half-asleep at 4 in the morning while sitting Indian style on top of his back while he does push-ups.

he`ll let you sleep for those extra hours later on though.

i mean he grew up well with seven characters inside him.

so basically you`ll find all of them inside him.

being with him is like being with seven men at the same time but jeongguk has his own flavour too.

even though he`ll act like his hyungs, he`ll have you a taste of his own at that stable point of your relationship with him.

first he`ll show you his fun side, his strong muscle side but then as times passes, as seasons come along with the progress of your relationship with him, he`ll show you the bigger picture.

the bigger picture that is him sitting his purple coloured studio listening to the saddest love songs, trying to write the happiest lyrics, eating too many foods as occasional mukbangs.

he`ll end up crying a lot and you`ll end up becoming his side pillow most of the time.

but it`ll be too overwhelming on your side because he`ll become the small spoon and you`ll feel like you`re holding the whole solar system in your arms with hot and cold combined.

like taehyung, he liked storing memories but for him to notice the details takes a while because he`s still a kid and innocent and most importantly, impatient.

he`ll roll the clip for the tenth time and then he`ll realize the detail and when he does, boy, have you seen that smile?

ugh, my chest hurts.

for him, catching details come with the person who holds them. for example, have you seen the way he looks up to namjoon or like how he always gives jimin special attention.

he knows who needs what but he waits for his chance.

sometimes as for his young age, he sure does jump onto the conclusion but that`s just childish and you shouldn`t take that side of him seriously.

clearly, he`s joking.

but jeongguk knows where to joke and where to not.

for me, gguk is the one among all the seven who possess the most flaws.

he has a lot of rough edges and he needs some polishing on that.

but that`s acceptable. he`s literally watching six different types of human being all the time and he`s clearly confused unknowingly whom to completely follow.

so i feel like at some point in his 30s, jeongguk will become what he really is.

for now, he`s young and the youngest of his group so he`ll be okay.

he`ll grow up strong and be the best boy in the world.

so yes, give him the love he needs and never let him stop from showing his true colours because i`m sure, he`s something more than what meets the eyes.

[tenrose]

Doctor Who Tag Game

Tagged by: @sopheirion​ thank you!!!

Favourite Doctor: Ten, ten and always Ten. I just love David’s portrayal’s of the Doctor more than I can say. I love the good, and I love the bad. I love when he’s being an idiot, when he’s flirtatious as hell with Rose (omg the memories) like you two get a room, when he finally snaps, when he’s a dumb oblivious as fuck and you want to smack cause he’s being an asshole, I love when he’s heartbroken. The faces David pulls are the best thing in the world. Like his ‘I don’t want to go’ ARE YOU KIDDING ME DAVID??? And the whole Doomsday episode, his blank face against the wall omg I’m gonna cry right now. And when this bitch has the audacity to disappear before saying it aaaaahhhh. But also the way he talk quickly and absolute nonsense. His ‘er’. When he’s being silly as hell with Donna, those were the good times. When he’s angry yelling, but also when he’s cold angry in the end of The Family of Blood. When he realize things and make the ‘oh i’m so stupid thing’ but also when he’s realizing sad thing like with the end of Donna. Bitch when he cries under the rain like some edgy boy, I cry too. His smile when things are getting exciting, but also the smile going into his eyes that is just for Rose and only Rose Tyler The various face he makes with Donna, all  the non verbal communication. Also when Martha decides to leave and you can see that he’s (too late) proud of her, and after that when he sees her again he’s being honest with her..The way he pronounces certain words if that makes sense???? Also David’s whole acting in Midnight, that was insane on so many levels. And least but not last : his iconic hair. I don’t think I need to tell more. And aside from that, I love all his season’s arcs, all his companions are my top three favourites. And of course, my close second favourite is Nine, cause without Nine, Ten wouldn’t be the Doctor he was.

Favourite Master: tbh I’m not that much into the Master, but I guess it’s Simm!Master cause I love his arcs. But I also love Missy as a character (not sure about her arcs though)

Favourite Sonic: I love both Nine/Ten’s sonic and Eleven’s sonic. 

Favourite Companion: aaaaahhhh not this question lmao. So I can’t really choose between Rose and Donna. I just love them both too much. So I’m not even a hardcore shipper of anyything by tumblr’s standards at least lmao, but the Doctor and Rose (both Nine and Ten) as been the first fictional couple I deeply rooted for (like I’ve enjoyed a lot of other ships before but never as harder and deeply) and that I still root for after all these years (in fact Clexa is the only other one that goes that hard, but everything else is just phases, they come and they go but they never stay). I love the tragedy of them, bitch who am I kidding, I love it that much cause it’s a tragedy lmao. I just love how they both make each other better, but also how they flirt like dumbass teens, how they communicate, how they cry for each other. BUT, and it’s very important, I love Rose for herself. She’s not just interesting because of the Doctor. She’s so relatable for instance? Like she’s not from a wealthy family, she clearly doesn’t give two fuck about fashion (or was it 2005 who was like this?), she’s not too smart, too pretty (ok she’s definitely is for me), too much of anything, she’s average. And I love this a freaking lot you can’t imagine. She has flaws, and yes that’s exactly what we want in a character. Yes she has moments when she’s being selfish (but who doesn’t? especially when in love), and yet she has some of the most beautiful selfless moments,sacrificing herlself in Doomsday is the best cause she was literally gonna end up in the void but she didn’t hesitated for one second. Also when she’s showing empathy for other people, she’s being caring and understanding. And she doesn’t take anyone’s else bullshit, she call them out, and that include the Doctor first. Just because she loves him doesn’t mean it’s gonna stop her from telling him to stop being a punk ass bitch. Also she evolved so much between s2 and s4, and I don’t think it’s character inconsistency, it’s just that it happened off screen. BY THE WAY I WOULD VERY MUCH A SPIN OFF ABOUT ROSE TYLER HOPPING WORLDS THANK YOU VERY MUCH @BBC!!! 

Now Donna? Where do I start? She’s also average, and also very relatable. In fact, personnally I think she’s the most relatable for me. Using humour, snark and sass to hide 10 thousands insecurities? Yes that’s the most relatable thing ever. Donna is the funniest character but she’s also the one who has the saddest ending in my opinion. Cause she grow up, she sees the world, and she understand that she is THE shit, she matters, she is important, and then she forgets all about it. That’s so cruel, and heartbreaking and angering, cause she deserved everyfuckingthing, she deserved the world. And her departure hit me so fucking hard. She’s going back to her life, thinking she would be not enough, I can feel that so deeply. Aaaahhh I’m hurting myself writing this. But she’s so amazing, she’s smart, thinking out of the box really make her so great, and she’s the one who take the least shit about anything. She stands up, yells, makes a scene, but she get straight to the point. Also she’s not the young and conventionally attractive companion and she knows that. And she’s so funny and sassy, and close to the Doctor. I mean she’s the Doctor Donna for a reason, she’s like a human version of the Doctor, with the sass, the babbling, the clumsiness. God I love Donna so much, I wish I had so much more of her. Also she has absolutely zero romantic feelings for the Doctor and the fact that they are the bitchy bffs of the universe is the best. 

Favourite Story: I love a lot of stories, but my favourite is The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End no doubt. The story is a perfect mix of happiness, having every RTD’s characters together, all my fave working together is the absolute best, and of sadness, the departure of Donna (I won’t re talk about it ok) and Ten letting Rose go AGAIN. And the fact that there’s everyone he loves in these episode but then he ends up all on his own. God why do I love being hurt so much??? And the Daleks are also my favourite villains (it’s just such DW bullshit as a villain tbh lmfao) so I have everything I want. Generally speaking I love RTD’s arcs, cause the sign are here the whole seasons (Bad Wolf, vote Saxon, the bees disappearing and she’s coming back) but it’s not a ‘HEY LOOK THERE’S SOMETHING FISHY TO SEE HERE HEYYYY’ or ‘WE ARE STARTING THE SEASON WITH ONE QUESTION, ONE PLOT POINT AND THAT’S WHAT YOU’LL WANT TO BE RESOLVED BY THE END OF THE SEASON’,  it’s subtle, it’s casual mention, and it’s when you’re in the last three episode that you’re starting to realize something is wrong...That���s one of my favourite type of writing ever (that’s probably why I love Sanderson’s books too). It’s not some mystery to solve, cause there weren’t any mystery to solve, because me, a dumbass viewer, weren’t even paying attention at first. But it’s here, it fills the plot. And when you see it you’re like ‘of course’. It’s not forced on me if I can say it like this. It allows me to see other stuffs. It’s not attention seeking I guess? But yes the end of s4 is my favourite story, all is in place. All characters do what they do best. There’s laugh and there’s tears, and I love it.

Favourite Soundtrack: everything Murray Gold has been doing for the show is pure gold and I think that’s a thing the whole fandom can agree upon. My artist of the decade according to Spotify is him, and considering I haven’t listened daily to his songs (except for some still regularly) I think that say a lot about how much I used to love both his music and the show at some point. My favourite of his are Doomsday’s Theme ofc, Love Across the Distant Stars, I am the Doctor, Rose’s Theme, Amy’s Theme, Clara’s Theme, Vale and cry. All of them. And that include the one soundtracks for episodes I don’t even like lmao.  

Dream Actor for next Doctor: I don’t know, why not John Boyega? He deserves to be the main character and be treated well, of a sci-fi show. 

Dream Composer: Murray Gold come back to me. Or I would love a glimpse of what Lorne Balfe could do.

Dream Story: Something that involves seeing Rose and Tentoo, and Martha as the Earth counselor, with Thirteen still having feelings for Rose. And Rose too.  But the plot? Idk lmao. However the end would be sad cause Thirteen would have to see Rose and Tentoo coming back to their world, and I would cry. Also Thirteen would aknowledge Martha as the smarter companion the Doctor had ever had lmao.

A Companion You’d like to see back:  Martha, but like not as a companion cause she made it clear that she would not come back, and that wouldn’t be fitting her character if she changed her mind. But she could always be accidentally stuck in the TARDIS, I mean it happened once. But really I would just love to have her coming to the rescue when shit on Earth goes too far and the Doctor needs help of a specialist. That’s Martha you need Doctor.

An Enemy/Alien/Creature you’d like to see again: I’m always here to see the daleks. 

If you could travel with one of the Doctors, which Doctor and why?: Ten? Because he’s my fave, but also Thirteen because I’m gay and I would like to take my chance lmao

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #235

“the monster you made is wearing the crown; i’ll be the king and you be the clown.”

What is your favorite move franchise? The Lion King. What was the last fast food you ate? I had a hot dog from Sonic and one of those pretzel twists things. What is the saddest book you’ve ever read? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. Do you prefer heroes or villains? Villains. Duh. They're like, always more interesting. What is something you think is overrated? Uhhh coffee, for one. But like what you like. What political cause are you most passionate about? Gay rights. What country would you most like to visit? South Africa. Have you ever considered having children? Literally the only period where I wanted kids was later into Jason's and my relationship. Hell, I wanted three while he was always like "onLY TWO." Now, I don't want a single one, ever. I would be an awful mother for many reasons. If you ever took field trips as a child, which was your favorite? The zoo with Dad, my then-best friend, and her mom. One and only time I've seen meerkats. I was so excited I almost cried. Do you have any weird family traditions? It's not like, a tradition, I think, but we have a unique thing where saying "I love you mostest period" is something Mom, Dad, and my sisters have used for all my life. It's a way of saying "I love you more than you could ever love me, no arguments." Now Sara's been dragged into it lmao. Have you ever considered acting? Nope. Who was the last person you slept next to? Sara. Do you think you can be in love and still cheat on your S.O.? You can't "be in love" with a person and fucking cheat on them, no. Do you subscribe to any streaming services? We have Netflix. Idk about anything else. Have you ever been in a physical fight? No. What is the most embarrassing thing anyone has on video of you? I don't even wanna know. Did you ever get lost as a child? Yep, in a Wal-Mart lmao. This old lady helped me find my fam. What is your favorite condiment? Honey mustard. Or ketchup. Depends. Have you ever had an existential crisis? Very surprisingly, not really. Do you like country music? Begone, demon. It's still so weird to me that I loved it as a kid, but I really just grew up with it. What color are the eyes of the person you love? Brown. What is your favorite kind of flower? I looooove orchids. What town were you born in? Not the best thing to share on the Internet, eh? Do you know how to play any card games? I only vaguely understood/understand Magic: The Gathering. It's honestly really fun, but very complex in rules. It was Jason's thing so he got me into it. I miss my PS3 working because I used to have the "Duels of the Planeswalkers" on there, and doing it digitally is much easier and helpful. I loved it mostly because the art is fucking incredible. It was an old little aspiration to wind up designing the art some day and I don't think I ever saw Jason more excited. What is something about your childhood that you miss? Being more into video games than I am now alskdjf;awe. I'm more of a viewer of let's plays now than an active gamer; meanwhile, as a kid, video games were my favorite things in the world. Did you ever have MySpace? Do you miss those days? Yeah, I had one. Honestly though I can barely remember it (other than the song on my page was "Pocketful of Sunshime" lmaooooo as well meerkat-flooded), so it doesn't matter. What is the best television show you’ve ever watched? Meerkat Manor is my favorite show of all time, but as a proper show could have been better. AP made up their own shit and deviated from the KMP facts A LOT (guess what: Mozart killed a competitor's litter before; not exactly MM's her, right?), and not only was that confusing, but just annoying. Give me the real shit; don't just tweak stuff for dramatic effect. I could list a novel of lies in the series. Now, what I feel is the best show without a meerkat bias and just has an overall good plot. I kinda wanna say Supernatural, but the boys dying five million times got old. Possibly Fullmetal Alchemist. Are there any songs you can’t listen to because they bring back memories? I 110% refuse to hear "Stairway to Heaven." Have you ever saved someone’s life? Funny this is brought up after recent events. My sweetheart online bud had a cerebral aneurysm while having an extremely difficult time talking to me, and no one was home quite yet. Her final message was concerning and she didn't reply to me for a while, so I wound up messaging her again after a bit, and her boyfriend heard the b.net notification sound. Saw it was me and asked what was up. Told him, and he figured out she wasn't sleeping on the couch, she was passed out. He told me he never would have known if I hadn't said something. So does that count, even though I didn't like, physically save her? Have you ever broken any major bones? No. Are there any websites you’ve used for over 10 years? Good question? Idk. WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP, KM's 10th birthday is coming up real soon. Wow. I know YouTube has been much longer. Idr when I joined deviantART. Maybe there's more, I dunno. Do you have any siblings? If so, what are their ages? My two immediate are 22 (ew) and 26 (double ew). Anything exciting taking place today? No, today was A N X I E T Y !! ! ! !! !! What are you craving? Okay so I have been MEGA in "the mood" lately and it's frustrating especially because I don't masturbate so I have like nO OUTLET. Who did you last hit? Nobody saving for when I was a kid repeatedly slapped my sister's arm for doing something I don't remember. How do you do in school? It depends on the subject, but in anything, I am a MASSIVE procrastinator, and I need to fix that. Schoolwork, good good, homework in the library, good good, but when I'm at home, I cannot seem to convince myself to work. As Sara puts it, home is like my "safe" place, and I don't want to bring school into it. Adjusting to school life again after like... two whole years or so of doing NOTHING at all, almost every day all day, is very difficult. I'm SO glad I picked school again, it's just a lot for a person who was so isolated and void of responsibilities to get used to. What’s your biggest goal? Right now, continue to improve my mental health. Fight social anxiety and AvPD. Who have you texted today? Just Sara. Who do you aspire to be like when you grow up? In most ways, especially in kindness, wisdom, relentless determination, passion, creativity, etc. etc. etc. etc., Mark. I think it's obvious he's Role-Model #1. I would loooove to be like Jane Goddall and Steve Irwin, too, feeling with such ferocious potency for animals and how they should be respected and loved. UM AND ALSO, EUGENIA COONEY IS THE SWEETEST PERSON ON THE ENTIRE GODDAMN EARTH AND I WOULD LOVE TO BE AS FRIENDLY AND PRECIOUS AS SHE IS. Oh, and then there's Shane Dawson. I relate to him SO much. He is the most selfless angel that seems SO down-to-earth and relatable as hell. I feel like he could be like, my best friend. Ahhhhhhh there are so many more, I love talking about my inspirations, but I'll chill here. Do you know if you want to go to college or not? I'm in college right now, and I desperately want it to stay that way. I'm fucking going somewhere in my life, and the education it provides will bring me closer to that. College is far from mandatory for everyone, but I feel it is beneficial for me. Do you like grapefruits? I haven't had one in a LONG time, so I don't really remember how they taste. I just know sour. What do you think of guys who wear eyeliner? *drools in Darkiplier* the fuck do you think Do you like online games? Only World of Warcraft, really. Who’s one person you care about more than yourself? Okay, real talk, and I hope this is everybody's answer. No one. I'm putting my goddamn self and my mental peace first for the rest of my life. Are there any pets you’re wishing for? I want another ball python. When’s the last time you used hand sanitizer? Two days ago when Mom and I stopped somewhere to eat. Wearing anything that isn’t yours? No. What type of bread did you use on the last sandwich you made? White. How many doors are in your house? Uhhh six. What was the last compliment you received, that made you smile? Sara said she was really proud of me, and to me, that's one of the biggest compliments you CAN give me. Think you need to lose weight? How much? ugh When was the last time you watched a VHS movie? I don't have a clue. We kept our VHS longer than most, though. We had too many movies on it. What event would you go back in time to see, if you could? Ummmm I dunno. Do you remember the last thing you said you wanted? To hug Sara. Who was the last friend you hung out with&what’d you do together? Sara stayed for a week. We did a lot. Who is the person, other than a spouse, that you are closest to? Sara. If you watched it, who was your favorite Hey Arnold! character? Oh my god, I hated that stupid show, but one of my sisters liked it. Have any good school pictures? or do they all just suck? There is literally ONE picture from elementary school where I think I looked pretty. Do you like trying on clothes or not? & Why? NO. I try to avoid it if I can. It's just annoying to change clothes for like five seconds. What are your thoughts on marriage? It's sweet, but I've come to find it... kinda needless for the most part? Like I know it has financial pluses and the symbolism is beautiful, but it's just that: symbolism originating from fantasies (imo, don't scream at me). It only adds pressure to stay in a dying relationship and makes splitting much more complicated. BUT, even with all that said, I personally want to get married someday, but only if I am *sure* about this person. It's the symbolism I like. That and it's so ingrained into my head that that's the "end goal" of relationships, so I'm pretty much just conditioned to want it. How long have you lived in the current place you’re living? Two years. Do you plan on moving anytime soon, if so where? I want to, but I am not in the financial position or at a level of independence where I'm ready for that. Are you more of a follower, or a leader? Be honest. This may alter with the situation, but mostly, I'm definitely a follower. Are your dreams/nightmares in black&white or color? I've heard of this condition before and it really intrigues me. I dream in color. Have you ever wanted to be some sort of hero outside of video games? I mean, define "hero." Like an action superhero in a literal way, nooooo. I'd die on Day #1, lmao. As a hero/inspiration as a person, of course; who doesn't? Will you admit that you’re at least somewhat superficial? I mean, probably in some places? How often do you go to the mall closest to you? Almost never ever. Our mall sucks and has experienced too many shootings. Do you still count with your fingers, even if only every so often? Yep. Like, always. Have you ever gone on a road trip with just friends? No. Well, I went to the beach with my friend and her mom, but just for a day or two because my separation anxiety from Mom got too bad oof. Without trying, do you act differently around different friends? Depends on the friend. I don't "fake it," just how reserved I am can move around. What was the last thing you drew/wrote on your own or someone else's skin? Probably a butterfly on my wrists when I was actively part of the Butterfly Project community. The last time you spent money, what was it on & how much did you spend? $1.25 for a drink at school. What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on one piece of clothing? Idk, but definitely not a lot. In elementary school, were you more of the bully or the bullied? Thankfully, neither. Do you like when a spouse is clingy, or can you not stand that? I'm sure to a certain degree it would be annoying, but for the most part, hell, I think it's attractive. Especially since I NEED validation you like me. How much do you say you walk in a week outside of school &/or work? Just around my house if you exclude school. Is there anything you wish your parents did differently in raising you? I wish they'd given us chores. Wish Mom didn't spank us. What would you do if the last person you texted asked you out? Lol yo we JUST broke up like an hour ago. We're not ready to get back together yet, obviously. Don't worry a bit, we're both cool. Still best friends, even. To compress a long story, needed personal growth and distance have brought us to returning to just friends. For now, at least. Have you ever received a scholarship? I think so... but not like a huge one, I believe. Who was the last person who got frustrated with you? Most likely Mom. When was the last time you mopped your kitchen floor? I myself have never mopped it. Or maybe once. What is your favorite work of art? I mentioned the Denialism painting in my last survey. What was the last appointment or plan you had to cancel? Plan, my next one with my psychiatrist. What spur-of-the-moment decision that you’ve made has had the biggest impact on your life? I don't know if any have truly changed my life. The ones that did (that I remember) were pondered over. Do you know anyone who is (or has been) a refugee? I don't think so, What is your best friend’s worst habit? She doesn't have faith in herself for ANYTHING lj;ljalwie Do you like spinach and artichoke dip? alksd;fjwei no Have you ever felt like you were about to pass out, but didn’t? Yep, a couple times. What was the name of one of your childhood imaginary friends? I didn't have any. What’s your favorite phase of the moon? Full. Do you wish you were richer? I physically refuse to be anything less than stable, hopefully even above that, once I'm independent. We've been poor all my life and it is fuck-ing HARD. It's stressful as a motherfucker and I am done with it. Very. What’s a middle name you like? Quinn. Fits a lot. I planned on giving that middle name to my hypothetical daughter. Are you scared of spiders? y e a h Do you weigh the same as your mom? No. Were you a Mary-Kate and Ashley fan? Like the average 90s/early 2000s kid. Coffee mugs, teacups, or water bottles? Uh, aesthetically? Teacups, probably. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Gum. I like the taste and texture of cotton candy, it is just RIDICULOUSLY sweet. It bothers my sensitive teeth sometimes. Do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles or cups? Cans. They get the coldest. Game you were best at in P.E./gym? Idk, I didn't excel at any. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I'll typically just have a meal replacement shake or a Pop-Tart. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Punch Straws (gotta be red). Favorite book you had to read for school? The Outsiders. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? My flip-flops, 'cuz they're easy to just slip on. Ideal weather? Cool but not windy (a light breeze is fine) with a partly-cloudy sky. Obsession from childhood? Webkinz. Favorite crystal? Dragon's breath opal. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Swim or stay the fuck inside. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Taking pictures in the snow. Five songs to describe you? "Get Up" by Mother Mother, "That's What You Get" by Paramore, uhhh... I don't feel like thinking over this any longer. My iPod isn't near me to scan through what I have, so yeah. Best way for someone to bond with you? Let's have deep philosophical talks about like the meaning of life 'n shit. Top 5 favorite Vines? Oh my god, this is impossible. To name some that come to mind first, in no order: "It's Wednesday, m'dudes *insert mating call*", "I cOUld'vE dROPPED My croiSSANt," "this is why mom doesn't FUCKING LOVE YOU," that one at a club where a girl is doing smoke tricks and the dude just goes "check that out" (or "wow," idr) or something similar (I couldn't find it), and omfg I adore that Snoop Dogg one with the little boy just semi-dancing to that iconic song???? I LOVE IT??????? Man, there are so so many more. Very honorable mention: "a d a m". Ads you have stuck in your head? None, thankfully. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Uhhh maybe Happy Bunny? Idk. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite type of cheese? American. What saying or quote do you live by? There's a lot I've picked up on and cling to. #1 is perhaps "Deal with life, or life deals with you." What are you currently stressed about? Some... things I realized about myself that disgust me. Favorite fairy tale? Shrek is a goddamn fairy tale and I will fight to the death against anyone who claims otherwise. Favorite tradition? I don't really have one anymore, but I remember as a kid, I would NEVER let Mom forget to throw some "reindeer food" outside for them lol. Talent you’re proud of having? One that warrants pride, exactly? Not just random talents? Well, uhhh. I suppose writing. I mean it modestly, I really do, but as a kid, my teachers all the way through high school always thought I was cheating or a parent did my papers at home. Some were only convinced by me writing in the classroom. I don't feel as good about my writing as I did in high school, but I am sill proud of excelling in it and taking writing anywhere seriously. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? I mean, name the game and genre here. Probably like "what the fuck" at like, everything, because I already do that. If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? Like, based on my current life? I dunno. A sad and repetitive one with some bright days to it. Ohhh, and the color scheme and lighting vary with my mental state. Yo that would be dope. Character you relate to? lmao THRALL from WoW for being like "can y'all bastards just chill tf out" until he goes off to an isolated land away from civilization bc he's seen enough shit. Also compelled to help. Any good luck charms? I don't believe in those. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? As far as consistent flavors go, normally cherry or grape. Left or right handed? I'm a righty. Favorite potato food? Fries, when I wish they weren't. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Literally just Mom's. Not even mine.

[puppyenergy]

@rickenrolled​ you’re an absolute mad man i love you. here’s all my answers. long ass post beneath the cut

1. Who’s your favourite character from UT?

i love them all but if i had to pick one then chara

2. Who’s your least favourite character from UT?

asgore

3. Your opinion about UT fandon:

very sweet, lots of smart and lovely and creative and gay people. could do without all the transphobes and incest/pedo shippers tho but like, theyre kinda everywhere aren’t they. like flies! smack

4. What’s your favourite quote?

“you never gained LOVE, but you gained love. does that make sense? maybe not.“

5. What’s your favourite soundtrack?

death by glamour

6. Pacifist, neutral or genocide?

pacifist

7. Why did you decide to play UT?

when it came out, my first exposure to it was thru supporting a friend who had recently started a youtube channel and they did a playthru of undertale! i ended up being unable to wait for them to finish it and just went and bought the game myself so i could play it. i was just so invested, i couldn’t wait for them to upload asklghskl

8. Favourite battle?

undyne’s

9. Favourite scene?

GOD I CAN’T CHOOSE JUST ONE SCENE. fuck. you can’t do this to me.

10. Your first letter to Mettaton was:

“legs” probably sldkghsd i don’t remember

11. Your reaction when you saw Omega Flowey for the first time:

VERY SCARED. I LEGIT THOUGHT MY GAME WAS POSSESSED.

12. Your headcanon about Frisk’s gender:

they’re nonbinary but i specifically headcanon them as agender! i also rlly dig genderfluid frisk as well bc same.

13. Which UT character reminds you of yourself?

mostly frisk but also chara and also mettaton

oh and all the dogs

14. Which UT character reminds you of your best friend?

TEMMIE. we are dog and cat solidarity.

15. Would you smooch a ghost?

i already have!

16. Which UT character would be your best friend? Why?

all of them. i will befriend them all.

17. Do you remember your first killed character? Who was that?

toriel ;_; i reset & redid the entire game for her, i felt so bad

18. Did you do sth in game you regret?

killing toriel lmao

19. Which ending was your first?

pacifist!

20. Your favourite land in UT and why: (Snowdin, Waterfall or Hotland)

snowdin is my favorite... it’s just so home-y. i rlly love snow, it brings a lot of happy memories. the christmas aesthetic does as well. and it’s also where you meet sans & papyrus & all the dogs. it’s just such a happy place.

21. Your favourite place in UT and why: (Undyne’s house for example)

i just rlly love snowdin ok. every area in snowdin. i still remember my little gasp!! when i found out that the snow on frisk’s head is always a different shape every time you go thru that slide-y puzzle.

22. Your headcanon about River person’s gender:

“it doesn’t really matter.”

23. Your headcanon about one of the UT characters:

papyrus is nonbinary!

24. Butterscouch or cinnamon pie?

cinnamon!

25. Your opinion/headcanon about six human souls:

i always connect the deltarune characters to the six human souls for some reason. kris is the cyan soul, susie is the purple soul, ralsei is the green soul, lancer is the blue soul, noelle is the yellow soul, and then im not sure who would be the orange soul... ofc only one of them is actually human but that’s always an association i made asdlghsd

26. With who would you go on a date?

none of them tbh sdkglhskdlgha i would go on hangouts with them tho!

27. Marry, fuck, kiss and kill:

marry: napstablook fuck: mettaton kiss: all of them getting kisses from me!!! mwah kill: none :(

28. Do you wanna have a bad time?

no!! i wanna have a fun time. a sillay ol’ time.

29. Your favourite UT au:

there’s this one unfinished comic someone made a while ago i don’t even remember what it was called but it was about two charas or smth??? idek if that counts as an au but tbh that comic is the origin of my love for feral chara

30. Your least favourite UT au:

all of the ones where anyone is misgendered or there’s incest/pedo/abuse in it it just automatically makes it a bad au.

31. Would you want to fall into underground?

i mean, yeah. where’s the hole. i’m on my way.

32. Describe or draw your undersona:

the puppy is specific to dfta

my other undersona is dragon kid. he’s a human & monster fusion with a rough past. he’s also adopted. the cat is his sibling.

33. One reason why you love UT:

toby said Hello LGBT Community

34. One reasom why you hate UT:

frisk’s design is,, u kno

35. If you could choose one type of food from UT, what would it be?

dog salads for days!

36. Your favourite amalgamate:

snowdrake’s mother & endogeny

37. Your headcanon about Gaster: who do you think Gaster is to Sans and Papyrus? (Father, brother, uncle etc)

i like to headcanon him as their dad

38. Your opinion about bad puns:

they’re good, ok.

39. Do you draw fanarts from UT? If yes, then what do you like the most to draw?

yes i do asklghsdkgl i could probably draw chara/frisk/asriel forever and be ok with it

40. Which of human souls fits you the most?

red, baby

41. What would be the first thing you would to show to Sans, Papyrus or the rest of characters in human world? Why?

the stars!!! they’ve been wishing on rocks for too long. time to see the real thing.

42. Which song reminds you of UT or one of the UT characters? Why?

skglhslkhg i make playlists just for this tbh. i have a playlist for mettaton, chara, frisk, asriel, undertale in general, and then one for both chara & frisk. too many songs to talk about rn so here’s the most recent one i added to chara’s playlist:

https://soundcloud.com/serious-url/last-night-on-earth-2

my favorite lyric is “we are horrible but not bad”

43. Your opinion on underloid:

i. i’m not sure what that is askdlghsdk

OH I JUST LOOKED IT UP ITS UNDERTALE VOCALOID??? i’ve never listened to it before but tbh that’s real cool

44. Do you forgive Asgore for what he’s done?

no lol

45. Did you pay for Tem’s college?

I DIDNT, IM SORRY TEM... i just dont have the patience to sell all that residue

46. Have you seen any youtube letsplay of UT?

i swear i’ve seen them all now. i watch them when i need some free serotonin. u_u

47. Do you listen to any fanmade songs? If so, then which are your favourite?

i don’t rlly listen to any but i have a few saved! i rlly love the fucking checker dance & death by glamour mashup

48. What are your favourite theories?

narra!chara if you can even CALL that a theory man it’s literally canon

i also rlly like the theory that ut sans is actually from deltarune, and also maybe a darkner.

49. Who is your favourite enemy? (Not including boss monsters)

LESSER DOG

50. Do you have any headcanons about Chara’s past? (Why they hate humanity, why did they fell to the underground etc)

i think they had some pretty shitty ppl in their life until they met the dreemurrs, probably.

51. Who is your favourite dog?

DONT DO THIS TO ME,

52. What was your reaction to true lab?

fear and a lot of emotion

53. Your fabourite voice acting:

myself sakldhgklsh

54. At the end of pacifist run did you stay with your friends or did you come back to your family?

i always send frisk to stay with toriel bc as their player guardian i would not feel comfortable with myself if i just left a child stranded on their own. it was the same in oneshot. if i’m ur temporary game dad then i’m leaving u in a safe place before the game ends ok.

55. Who is older - Sans or Papyrus?

sans

56. Your OTP(s):

OK LISTEN. GOATBUN,,

also ALPHYNE

57. Your NOTP(s):

any of the incest/pedo ones. especially with fr4ns & ch4sriel i’m gonna get real stabby.

58. Your BROTP(s):

chara/frisk haa

59. Your favourite puzzle:

i like the shooty spaceship ones!

60. Which battle was the hardest for you?

fingers in his ass.... fingers in his ass.... asgore he likes b

61. Did you still hate Flowey after you discovered his true indentity?

i never hated flowey, ok. and also no.

62. The saddest moment:

“the next day.”

“the next day.”

“...”

“the human died.”

63. Which ending is your favourite?

true pacifist, pls

64. How old do you think Frisk is?

9, maybe? i always change my mind on this asdlghsdk. they’re just a baby. age is baby.

65. Any post pacifist run headcanons?

both chara & asriel get revived. always.

66. Your favourite NPC:

the trans woman lionness npc who mettaton gives his dress to

67. Humans or monsters?

both!

68. The funniest situation:

my brain is failing me but i fucking love the idea that frisk is just walking away from undyne during her battle sequence and she’s just CLANK CLANK CLANK in her armor stomping after but ugh has to stop and wait while frisk gets a phonecall and UGH has to check on sans who fell asleep at his post.

AND UNDYNE’S HANGOUT

UGH JUST UNDYNE IN GENERAL I LOVE HER

69. Skeletonfucker, robotfucker, goatfucker or kinkshaming?

listen i KNOW i said i’d fuck mettaton but i’m NOT a robotfucker.

70. When playing for the first time how many candies did you take?

one! i wanted to be a good boy.

but then i just went ham,

71. Did you kill or spare Flowey at the end of the game?

spare and i got emotional with how he reacted

72. If you had to be one of the main characters, which would you choose?

73. If you had to kill one of the main characters which would you choose?

i wouldn’t kill any of them!! i love them all. i refuse.

74. Which character(s) would you like to cosplay?

HMM. i could probably pull off frisk the best.

75. Your favourite Burgerpants’ quote?

[itsclydebitches]

Diving Deep

Hello, @badluckcharm-exe! It’s finally done! Sorry this took forever and a day. Inspiration decided to take a vacation for a while... Regardless, I hope you enjoy this. I’ll be sure to get it up on AO3 tomorrow 💚

Prompt was for a Mermaid AU. 

“Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream! Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream—”

“Holy shit, kid, you’re twelve. Don’t you know any other songs?”

Oscar blinked, finally drawing his gaze away from the aquarium. The hallway they stood in had water on both sides as well as above, a dome that never failed to leave Qrow’s stomach queasy because good god what happened if that glass ever broke? Oscar had no such reservations. He pressed right against the barrier—things with teeth passing him by—until the water rippled off his skin and there was a green tint to his eyes.

“I’m fourteen,” he said, head cocked strangely against the glass.

“That’s worse.”

Oscar shrugged. “I like it. The song I mean. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. If you meet the kelpie’s eyes then don’t forget to scream.”

…What the actual fuck?

It wasn’t the first time the kid had said something totally off the wall. Qrow leaned on his mop, watching Oscar tap the glass until, coincidentally, a bright orange fish swam up to where he stood. Qrow had worked at Atlas Labs nearly a year now and knew that, no matter what Ozpin claimed, they were only surrounded by a bunch of dumb animals. You couldn’t train a fish to come when called, no more than he’d been able to train Oscar to be marginally less annoying. Honestly, what the ever loving hell was a kelpie?

“Hey.” Qrow tapped his boot until Oscar finally looked his way. The fish immediately swam off. “If you’re just gonna stand there how about you help me wipe down the glass?” That way Qrow didn’t need to go near all that nonsense. “All boys your age should have chores. Builds character. Or something.”

For reasons unknown to him Oscar’s eyes strayed to the bucket full of water next to Qrow’s feet. He split into a grin.

“Nope! Tell Dad I said hi!”

And Oscar scurried off, boots squeaking on the tiled floor as he disappeared around a corner. He’d left smudges on the glass and a scuff where he’d stood. Great. 

Another bug-eyed fish bumped against the glass parallel to Qrow’s head. He scowled.

“What the hell are you looking at?”

***

Atlas Labs. Renowned world-wide for their cutting advancements in marine biology. Not exactly the sort of research that got Qrow all hot and bothered, but what could he say? People were weird. Apparently while most looked to the skies for answers to Earth’s problems, the real scientists were turning to the many mysteries of the seas. Our origins, future, even a chance at immortality—all of it was hidden somewhere beneath the waves. At least, that’s what Ozpin claimed.

Not that Ozpin was any less weird than his son.

“Your brat says ‘hi.’”

Lithe and tall enough to hit his head on the occasional hanging lamp, Ozpin Pine presumably had his picture printed next to the dictionary definition of ‘eccentric.’ Qrow had never seen him in anything other than a wrinkled green suit (not the same one every day… surely?) and a lab coat stained with all sorts of things that he never needed identified, thanks. A mop of white hair looked perpetually windblown despite the fact that the man rarely stepped outside and Oz wore these teeny tiny glasses that couldn’t possibly help a flea see, let alone a grown-ass man. He wore rings on his fingers, a long line of earrings, and had hidden tattoos that Qrow sometimes caught peeking out from beneath the cuff of his shirt. It hurt to look at him. In the same way it hurt to look at an ongoing car wreck while being blinded by the sun. Ozpin was, simply put, an oddball.

And Qrow would have laid down his life for him.

Heh. Not to be dramatic or anything, but there weren’t many world-renowned scientists in this place who’d design to speak kindly to their janitor. Or speak to him at all. His first day Ozpin had slipped a sweet from his pocket into Qrow’s hand, made some horrendous joke, introduced Oscar as “My much beloved offspring” (what?), and capped it all off with the warmest smile Qrow had ever had the privilege of soaking up. Those scraps of kindness would have bred devotion on their own, but Ozpin genuinely seemed to like him, as ridiculous as that seemed. Qrow had thought this job was going to be the worst of the many he’d grabbed in the last three years. Instead it was…

Interesting. Yeah. It was something alright.

Ozpin had no inkling of Qrow’s inner judgement. He was too busy comically looking around the floor, or roughly around the height where a pint-sized teen might stand.

“My brat?” he asked, smiling so wide the florescent lights glinted off his back teeth. He took another candy from his pocket and munched it, seemingly thoughtful. Qrow had heard the other scientists bitching about Ozpin bringing food into the labs, claiming that it would attract animals. Like they weren’t already surrounded by animals. Duh.

Qrow eyed the tank in the far corner of Ozpin’s office. Like every other room in Atlas it was a space with aquarium tendencies, though this tank wasn’t listed on any of the public tours. The fish in there were clearly some special experiment of Oz’s, with bright neon strips on top and transparent bodies below. Qrow caught a glimpse of fish skeleton and swallowed back a gag.

“Yes, your brat. He kept bugging me while I cleaned the entryway. Don’t you have a leash for him or something?” Qrow started emptying the trash bins while Oz watched, gaze so focused it seemed to sizzle a hole in the back of his uniform. He did a lot of that. Watching. Qrow had also heard the other nerds complaining about Ozpin’s overly observant nature, saying he wasn’t just intense, but downright creepy.  

Weren’t science types supposed to be curious about everything though? If Ozpin wanted to examine the slope of Qrow’s ass, then by all means.

He bent a little farther while picking up the next can, just in case that really was what Oz was interested in. Gray slacks and beige boots weren’t exactly the height of style, but Qrow was confident in his ability to work even the saddest of outfits. Besides, it wasn’t like Ozpin had room to judge. Today he had a stack of jelly bracelets on his left wrist and an octopus pin on the collar of his coat. The man was a hodge-podge of strange adornments, wearing each and every one like they were actually fashionable.

Months he’d been at this job and Qrow was still trying to figure out if the man was just that dense or just that indifferent. Besides, none of this even touched on Ozpin’s tendency to—

“I’m afraid not. I tried a leash of kelp once and Oscar slipped right out of it. He always was such a nimble little fry.”

—say weird shit.

Like father, like son. Apparently.

Qrow paused in the act of dumping five billion used tissues into his cart. He pinched the bridge of his nose. It was 10:00 at night and he didn’t have the energy to tackle whatever the hell a kelp leash was. Instead Qrow raised a single finger, letting it flop. “Nimble fry? Should I serve Oscar up with ketchup tomorrow?”

Which resulted in Ozpin throwing his head back and laughing—literally, like something out of a cartoon. His desk was a mess of papers covered in rainbow highlighting and the bookcase next to that was organized by color rather than genre. Or heaven forbid, last name. Between those and the fish (and his iffy fashion sense) Ozpin was surrounded by color in the otherwise sterile room. It was like this wherever he went. Ozpin blended in with the vibrant life of the tanks around them; always looking like he was more at home with the water just out of reach. Qrow supposed that was a good thing for a man who’d devoted his life to marine biology. It did make one wonder about stupid, sappy things though. Like fate maybe. What kind of man was born with eyes the color of sand and a smile that lit you up like a glimpse of the horizon?  

Sometimes Qrow wondered if he’d hear waves if he listened for Oz’s heartbeat. Would he taste salt on his lips?

Right now Qrow had neither. All he could smell was trash.

“A fry is a juvenile fish,” Ozpin said, still wiping tears from his eyes. “Ah, but you’re a fry too, aren’t you, Qrow? So very young. I wouldn’t expect you to know such things.”

Ozpin came up and actually gave his cheek a pat, like some doting grandmother humoring her young charge. Qrow got a close look at his unlined face and could see how soft his hair was, with none of the wiry texture that usually accompanied gray strands. For a man who loved teasing him about his age (not nearly as young as people tended to assume), Ozpin didn’t look a day over thirty himself. It was just one more of his oddities. Qrow had stopped bothering to count them long ago.  

Instead he leaned into Ozpin’s touch when his hand decided to rest on his cheek a moment, like some rare bird designing to visit. Ozpin’s fingers were cool as their pads lightly took in the texture of Qrow’s skin. He thought he saw Ozpin’s pupils dilating, blowing black against brown, though that may have just been a trick of the light.

“Is anyone gonna let me do some actual work around here?” he finally groused. A moment longer and Qrow might not have let Ozpin go.

“You should be very proud,” he said, voice carrying a touch of awe that didn’t sit right with the rest of the scene. Ozpin was looking at a bio waste bag. “You have such a wonderful job.”

Qrow stared. Then he looked down to make sure that yes, he was still a janitor and yes, those were drops of day-old coffee on his shoes. A smear of something vile-smelling on his sleeve. Everything else was disinfectant.

“I do?”

“Of course! Why, it’s a service. You keep things neat and sterile. You help make sure my family has a lovely home to keep coming back to.” Ozpin rested his hand on the tank and all the fish congregated around his reflection. Must think it was time for food or something. Qrow was used to the term ‘family’ getting thrown out when Ozpin was speaking and slimy, big-eyed fish were involved. That hardly fazed him nowadays.

The idea that someone found janitorial work impressive? That was something out of left field. Qrow could feel the blush now staining his cheeks.

“Guess I’m not the worst at it,” he muttered, taking up his bag again because damn, he couldn’t look Ozpin in the eye when he got like this. He was expecting another non-sequitor into the new book he was reading, or maybe the fact that Oscar had started collecting forks again (don’t ask). Instead Qrow felt a touch at the crook of his arm, as gentle as when Ozpin had touched his cheek. He stepped closer. 

“You truly are marvelous,” Ozpin whispered.

“…Do you hear the stuff that comes out of your mouth?”

“Oh yes. Sometimes I’m the only one who hears. Except Oscar, of course…and you. You’ve always heard me, haven’t you, Qrow? Tell me, do you enjoy the music?”

Must just mean music. In general, like. Qrow suspected that Ozpin was foreign, slipping articles in where none where needed because there certainly wasn’t any music playing now.

…Right?

He wasn’t holding the trash bag anymore. It was thrown haphazardly across his cart, now replaced with Ozpin’s cool, surprisingly smooth hand. Qrow stared  down at the appendage, reeling, wondering when that had happened and why. How many times was the man going to touch him tonight—freely—when he’d kept some sort of distance all these months before?  

“You do hear,” Ozpin murmured, seemingly to himself. “And Oscar is so very fond of you…why, we both are.” His contemplative look suddenly split like ripe fruit, revealing a blinding smile beneath. “Come, Qrow. Let me show you.”

“Show me what?”

Don’t ask too many questions. You’ll spoil the fun. Ozpin had said that to him once when Qrow had feigned an interest in all his nasty fish, figuring that maybe he’d have some sort of chance if there was a shared interest between them, even a faked one. Instead his words had been rebuffed, Ozpin seeming to stare through him to the lie beneath, finding it all very humorous. Qrow wasn’t surprised that his questions weren’t answered now.

Instead Ozpin led him down the long corridors of Atlas labs, their steps echoing and their breathing overly loud. The aquarium around them shifted with dark blues and greens. The fish seemed to follow, waiting.

It occurred to Qrow then that they were the only ones here. He was the late-night janitor. Ozpin was the workaholic who never seemed to sleep. The only thing that broke the isolation was Oscar’s voice drifting faintly down the hall as he sang that insistent song. Row, row, row, your boat. Where to though? They were the only ones here and suddenly that seemed as much a possibility as a threat.

Don’t forget to scream.

Qrow opened his mouth, but all that came out was a soft, devoted sigh. He stepped into the water.

…water?

“There you are,” Ozpin said. It came out as a coo. “Quite lovely, isn’t it?”

He’d taken him to one of the wading pools. Into the wading pool, where the wildlife swam free, providing the scientists with a place to get up close and personal with their research. A tiny part of Qrow’s mind expressed surprise that Ozpin had stepped in with him—he and Oscar had always had such a strange aversion to touching water, despite their love of it. Filled boots. Wet pants sticking to his ankles, now his thighs. A slightly larger part of him was sending off panicked signals, claiming that he never ever wanted to be this close to a bunch of fish. There were little guppy things scurrying about. Rays with long tails. What might have been a small shark. Everything circled around them as they moved forward, a whirlpool of all the things Qrow had wanted to avoid since taking this position.

Except for Ozpin. Qrow waded deeper, moving towards him and him alone.

“You heard, Qrow. Do you see too?”

Dumbly, Qrow stared down at their still clasped hands. There were membranes between Ozpin’s fingers now and when he smiled his teeth had grown sharper. He’d grown more.

There was a ledge where the pool connected to the tank, a space between the two worlds just large enough for the kinder animals to slip through. Or perhaps two men. One man and… Ozpin; who pulled Qrow under with a forceful, determined tug.

He’d always thought it would be boring under the water. All dark and silent. Far from it though. When Qrow first jerked in panic Ozpin was there, his tattoos, his scales bright within the pool’s gloom, casting little prisms between them. His tail pulled Qrow close while his pupils narrowed into slits. There were tender, clawed hands bowing his shoulders.

There was a moment of suspension then, poised somewhere between bobbing and swimming. Qrow caught Ozpin’s gaze and gave himself up to drowning in those eyes.

Well done, they seemed to say. A mouth filled with teeth and fierce possession leaned in for what might have been a kiss.

Qrow had always taken his chances. He met Ozpin halfway and what do you know.

He tasted salt.

[starchildrenofdustand-ashes]

My Spongebob Squarepants Experience!

I saw spongebob 8/11/18 with the OBC except Christina Sajous as Sandy and Catherine Ricofort was Karen . (This has been sitting in my drafts I totally forgot to publish it oops) I sat in the fifth row of the first mezzanine. These are just some things that happened on stage that I liked :)

🍍This was probably the best turn off your cellphone notice (besides once on this island ofc)

🍍On the middle of the stage there is a mini construction of their houses they lift it up and the screen behind them is transformed into a pineapple

🍍They flip the model over revealing ethan who is sleeping he is shaken awake by his alarm

🍍 Gary is on a skateboard bless

🍍He brushes Gary’s eyeball and not is teeth

🍍Spongebob actually named all the things that rhyme with rock for Patrick and one of them was “pop and lock” —- Hello strobes

🍍 When they introduce sandy a projection of a squirrel with a cowboy hat appears

🍍After sandy sings her part in bikini bottom day they hear their first tremor

Spongebob says he likes the tremor lol

🍍Plankton is sitting in a chum bucket lol.

🍍Wesley has a tiny plankton puppet in his hand and in his other hand he has a telescope that puppet plankton is looking through.

🍍Karen puts a magnifying glass over plankton

🍍Patrick and sandy actually come into the mezz during the dialogue in this song

🍍Spongebob actually puts his hand on the grill when he’s talking to squidward and squidward is like YOUR HAND and spongebob is like oh! And he takes his spatula and flips his head

🍍ALEX GIBSON WAS PERCH (I love Alex Gibson sm, because the TGC and he was literally the SWEETEST at the spongebob/ comet stage door)

🍍 Sandy has a whiteboard and a stick as she explains what’s gonna happen

🍍Ethan slater did a crazy split during the end of No Control

🍍During BFF spongebob actually pulls out a piece of cheese from behind Patrick’s couch.

🍍they have a LoT of fun with that sofa lol.

🍍 The words bff come on stage

🍍It takes Karen a while to give Plankton a beat he actually likes and when she does , When the Going gets Tough happens.

🍍 Karen bets plankton that he can’t rap lol

🍍Wesley killed it I love him wow

🍍 I was sooo surprised by the speed rap GUNS AND SHIPS WHAT??

🍍Wesley actually puts a lil plankton on his foot after his giant dance

🍍I LoVE subtle shots at the government

🍍 Tentacle Spectacle the Musical lol I love squidward

🍍when mr krabs calls spongebob a simple sponge he keeps whisper/echos sponge as he slowly sinks off stage

🍍 There are glow in the dark sponges around spongbob as he sings not a simple sponge

🍍when mr krabs comes back and says just a simple sponge the sponges leave the stage. They all come back when he starts singing again at the climax

🍍Perch tells everyone that the apocalypse is today and they all freak out but then he says he misread it and the day to tomorrow

🍍Mrs. Puff plans to drink herself into oblivion with kelp juice before the apocalypse and then she says Carpe Diem and her barista yells ‘who are you calling a carp”

🍍old man Jenkins is kinda horrible lol. He just wants someone to blame and they decide to blame sandy

🍍Pearl comes on stage with two dresses and Krabs takes them from her and hands them to spongebob who puts one around his neck so it looks like he’s wearing it he’s so cute

🍍I wanna know how krabs costume works bc he’s picking stuff up so those claws no way he could

🍍 Jai’Len what the fuck yes I need a recording with her the fuck

🍍when pearl says he has dollars in his eyes he puts the money bags in front of his face

🍍she pulls these things out of her pockets and when she cries she puts them to her face and tears squeeze out

🍍Spongebob comforts Pearl as she’s crying

🍍”oh karen as I look into your screen I can feel the very earth quake”

🍍the bolder that first falls is actually a rubber ball and it comes down this contraption stage right

🍍When Spongebob goes to get Patrick he finds him on the sofa with his navel scratcher

🍍””Life smells weird””

🍍sandy runs across stage trying to get away from the angry mob who’s looking for her with pitchforks

🍍 There is a sign that says “LAND MAMELS GO HOME” and it’s spray painted and sandy gets rlly discouraged Sandy :(

🍍 Sandy has got some sick pink nunchaku

🍍She packs up her stuff and Patbob Spongerick convinces her not to go and Hero is my Middle Name happens

🍍The whiteboard is back and so is the stick and planning YES SANDY

🍍ETHAN SLATER AND BACKFLIPS YES

🍍 Squidward loves his mama and he says “I’m a pretty squid mama”

🍍 RHOMBUS SLACKS

🍍Karen and Plankton share a moment over spongebob while he is frozen and Karen’s screen has a fire on it (whenever Karen and plankton are on stage everything freezes as they scheme)

🍍The Sardines (?) come up to Patrick and sing their bopping song

🍍They actually bake Patrick a cake

🍍They have church fans with Patrick’s face on it

🍍They give Patrick a robe and a crown

🍍SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HAVE THE SADDEST/ CUTEST ARGUMENT NOOOO I WAS SO SAD

🍍The next boulders fall from the contraption stage right but this time there are a lOT of tiny bolders

🍍ITS TIME FOR YOUR LAST INTERMISSION EVER

🍍hello patchy

🍍security comes and forces Patchy and the other pirates off stage again lol

🍍Spongbob said he had a nightmare that he and Patrick weren’t friends anymore AHHH I WAS SO SAD BC HE WAS LIKE NOOOOOOOOO and they had the voice that says “1 hour later” and the lights would blink out and it eventually gets to fifteen years later and he has a white beard lol.

🍍let’s just clap for the conductor bc she literally hands and takes a ton of props from the actors

🍍The government is getting worse and the mayor says “you’re either with me or against me”

🍍Armageddon rich Lol

🍍They’ve got a cool box that glows when it opens with Sandy’s invention in it

🍍they should just give plankton and Karen another song

🍍the electric skates are on skateboards and skates

🍍idek if it was supposed to happen but one of them (green Hair dude) fell off his board when he was doing a cool stunt thing 😬

🍍Squidward has tissue in his ears while they’re singing

🍍red head dude just shouts “rOCk and rOlL”

🍍these bitches give poor squidward the most ridicilous list and they told him if he got it all he would be able to open for them THEY DONT EVEN HOLD UP THEIR END OF THE DEAL UGHH

🍍Chop to the top was lit. Also Ethan is like a rubber band he just twists and sings upside down and stretches

🍍Patrick gets a thrown and these sardines are worshipping

🍍IiiIiiIieeeieiii GUESS I MISS YOUuuUuUu

🍍”Sheldon sounds so small. Maybe you could call me something else like...... big guy?” “big guy??” “YES BIG GUY SAY IT AGAIN” “big guy” “ahh” “BIG GUY” *strange sexual noise, jumps into planktons arms, they make out and hearts appear in the background*

🍍LET MY BABY SING HIS TENTACLE SPECTACLE

🍍HES NOT A LOSER

🍍shook is the wrong word to describe how I felt when Gavin lee started rap dancing with four legs WTF. I wish they performed something else at the tony awards but WOWOW HES SO GOOD

🍍Perch Shows the rubble that is bikini bottom on the news

🍍the mayor makes me want to poke my eyes out

🍍Another bolder falls, Larry goes crazy and old man Jenkins gets flattened

🍍As they narrate spongbob and sandy climbing the mounts they use cabbage patch kinda lol

🍍Patrick comes in on the ceiling, flying bc of Sandy’s jet pack

🍍I love spongbob and Patrick I need a best friend like that “WE ARE BACK AND THIS IS THE BACK DANCE”

🍍the volcano is made of ladders

🍍SPONGEBOB BRINGS MANAGEMENT TO THE TEAM HES MANAGER MATERIAL

🍍so many turns and twists ETHAN SINGS UPSIDEDOWN

🍍ofC SPONGEBOB IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FIX IT AND HE DOES YOURE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE

🍍it’s complete chaos when they all get back down from the mountain

🍍the mayor and the press (perch) hate each other and perch is tied up and ballgagged Lol

🍍ITS THE BEST DAY EVER

🍍they’re all holding hands waiting for the end and then bubbles fall bc sandy is a success bby squirrel

🍍plankton reveals that this was an evil schemes

🍍plankton and krabs are arguing and their curses are blocked out by dolphin squeals

🍍Spongebob gets his uke from the conductor and he screams are you ready to rock and he does an air split thing and starts playing bikini bottom day sps track l

🍍Audience is sprayed with confetti and other fun stuff and then they throw out beach balls and sing the theme song. It’s such a fun show I wish a lot more people would give it a show. If I’m being honest I enjoyed it much more than I enjoyed Hamilton when I saw it in chi.

[homeiswherethestuckis]

Filet Mignon

@notedchampagne man, I hope there’s enough fluff in this to make up for the lame title.

You and Karkat have plans to watch every single fucking movie he has downloaded on his husktop before you head off the meteor.  If you’d known how many he had at the time (a literal metric fuck ton) you wouldn’t have agreed to this so easily.  It’s too late to back out of that agreement now, you’ve already clocked so many that to give up now would mean that you’d essentially wasted hours of your valuable time sitting on this couch watching the two blatantly obvious love interests go through some usually not that difficult but extremely convoluted situations in order to finally be together in the end.  Besides, after watching so many of them you realized you really don’t mind them as much as when you thought you would. You definitely like them more than when you first got here.  You’re kinda getting the appeal to all the romance and a happy ending that’s practically ensured the moment the protagonists make eye contact.

The only problem is that they can get so repetitive.  If you’ve watched one, you’ve watched them all, and you’ve watched way more than one god damn romcom.  You might not hate them, but watching so many in succession is making you bit sick of them.  It really makes you question how Karkat can do this all the time and still like them.  You know he’s marathoned all these flicks more than once.  Fuck, some of them he must have seen at least ten times by now.  

Once this movie ends, you think you’ll see if he wants to take a break and do something else.  Go see what the Mayor’s up to, grab some food, whatever.  You think after a breather you’ll be more willing to pick this back up again and watch Dane Cook act like a bumblingly charming idiot for a cute girl real soon.  Right now though, you’re not interested in his shit.  You are physically incapable of caring and less about the dumb situation the characters have gotten themselves into than you do at this moment in time.

This is the fifth romcom you’ve watched today, and you are so.  fucking.  bored.

You slump against the couch’s armrest and prepare for an hour and a half of zoning out.  The beginning credits aren’t even over yet when Karkat slides his hand into yours and squeezes, drawing your attention back out of your head and over to him.  His face is bathed in the light from his husktop, made garishly bright by the rest of the room being shrouded in total darkness.  He’s not looking at you, his eyes are fixed unblinkingly on the screen.  

Karkat’s grip on your hand tightens.  “This one’s my favorite.”

“Oh.”  You push yourself up off the armrest and force yourself to pay attention.  “Shit, guess I better pay extra careful attention to this one so I can make fun of you for your awful taste in movies some more.”

Karkat rolls his eyes.  “You say that, but I don’t see you complaining about them when we’re actually watching these.  In fact, you only gripe endlessly about me “forcing” you to watch one of my pieces of “shit-tacular cinematic drivel” when one of the girls is within earshot.  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you like romcoms, Dave.”

“It’s a good thing you know better, then.”  You reply.  Karkat’s hand is warm and making yours sweaty.  You want to wipe it off, but that would require letting go.  “Maybe you’re not as stupid as you look, after all.”

“That’s rich, coming from the guy who looks like a garbage monster and a douchebag hipster had a grub, slathered it in chunky mucus, chewed it up, regurgitated it and gave it a pair of lady shades too big for its fucking gross face.”

“Said the piece of literal talking shit.”

“Wow.  Such an excellent and witty comeback about the state of my character.  That’s so amazing for a creature that doesn’t even have two pan cells to rub together.”

“It’s funny that you mention that, because I actually am rubbing those two brain cells together in my fingers as we speak in order to play the saddest song ever composed.  Just for you.  Do you wanna know what the song’s called, Karkat?”

He tears his gaze away from the movie and squints.  “I don’t know, Dave, do I?”

“Probably not, but I’m going to tell you anyway.” You hold up your free hand and start rubbing your fingers together.  “It’s called Ode to a Dumb Cranky Stink Crab.”

“I’m not hearing anything.  This only proves my point that your dumb ass doesn’t have any pan cells to speak of.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong.  You probably aren’t aware of this on Alternia since I doubt your culture made room for even the basic concept of music while you were busy making puns and conquering planets or whatever the fuck it was that you did, but performing a piece a la brain cell was a highly controversial topic back on Earth.  The thing with playing a song on the brain cell is that it has such a high frequency that only those with functioning brain cells could actually fucking hear it.  In other words, pretty much no one.”

“I can’t believe you just pulled all of that shit straight out of your ass just so you could say I’m stupid again.”  He snorts.  “Well played, shit stain.  Though I’d like to point out, you never did respond to my first inquiry.”

“And what was that again?  We do this insult thing so often I forgot what we were initially insulting each other over.”

“What I was saying before you turned this into a battle of which of us is the dominant walking bomb of dumbstink, I was saying that despite your endless string of complaints about them in front of everybody else, you actually really like romcoms.  Admit it, Dave, you like them.  Why the fuck else would you spend so much time sitting here watching them with me if you didn’t like them at least a little?”

“Gee, I don’t know, dude, fuck, I guess you got me.  Clearly there’s no other explanation for why I would sit here and watch these.”  You reply sarcastically.  “But now that I think about it, another more definitely right reason springs to mind.  Hey, maybe I’m sitting here watching all of this shit because, and I’m just spitballing here, I like you?”

“Oh.”  He turns back to the screen, but you can tell he’s not really focused on what’s going on.  You think his face might be a darker shade of gray than it was before, but it’s hard to tell without more lights on.  “That’s-”

“Shocking, I know.”  You squeeze his hand again.  You’re no longer sweating, thank fuck, but you can’t imagine how gross the feeling of another person’s cold and drying sweat on your hand must feel like to Karkat, so you still want to wipe it off.  “Your boyfriend likes you.  What a twist.”

“So you’re only watching these because you like me and wanted to spend more time with me?”  From his tone he sounds less happy about this than you expected.  

You shrug.  “Yeah.  At least the first few times it was that, coupled with poking fun at you about them later.  I’ll be honest, after awhile they kinda grew on me.”  Which isn’t too surprising, since Karkat also grew on you.  “They’re not my favorite movies, but I don’t mind them.”

“Dave, this is the fifth one I’ve put on today, how the hell can you not mind that?"  Karkat brings his hand to his forehead and drags it down his face in what has to be the most exaggerated facepalm you’ve ever borne witness to.  His other hand twitches in yours, and there’s not a doubt in your mind that if you’d let go this would have become a double facepalm.  “Fuck, I thought you looked bored earlier, but I didn’t do anything because I figured you would have said something about it.”

“Now that you mention it, I was going to suggest we do something else for awhile after this one.”  You admit.

“But you said you’re mostly tolerating these because of me.  Aren’t you bored by now?”  He asks, his eyebrows knitting together into a worried line.  “I can turn it off and we can go fuck around in Can Town or something.”

“Okay one, I never said I was just tolerating them, don’t twist my words into a pretzel and put them in my mouth, that shit’s not cool.  Two, you said this one’s your favorite, like fuck I’m gonna make you turn it off that would just be a dick move.  Three, yeah, I’m a little bored,” more than a little.  Before you started talking you weren’t sure if you were even going to make it through this movie, “but that’s my own damn fault, I can deal with that.  And my fourth and final point, how the hell do you expect me to cuddle up to you during a movie if there’s no god damn movie to cuddle up during?”  You poke him in the forehead with your free hand.  “Come on, Karkat, you gotta consider this shit before you do it.”

He rubs at the spot you poked and smiles, your hand gets squeezed again.  “Fine, I’ll leave the movie on.  Only if you make do on that cuddling you just promised me.”

“Believe me, I had no intention of jipping you out of any of this prime cuddle time. Mark my words, babe, I’m gonna wrap around you like bacon on a filet mignon.”

“I don’t know what the fuck that is.”  

“Doesn’t matter, all you need to know is that it’s the fucking best and we’re going to be it.”  You collapse against him without another word and the sudden addition of your weight against him sends him sprawling onto his back.  You faceplant right into his chest, and you take this opportunity to bury your face in his shirt.  It’s really soft.  

“So, are we doing it?”  Karkat laughs.  “Are we filet mignon now?  Is that happening, is that what this is?”

“Fuck yeah, bitch we are the filet mignon!”  You hold out a fist expectantly.  

Karkat has to wiggle his arm free from where it’s pinned under you so he can bump your fist.  “Hell yeah!”

He frees his other arm and wraps both of them around you.  You’re so glad your face is hidden because there’s no way your face isn’t red as a god damn tomato at this point.  You swear you can even feel your ears burning.  

“I can feel your heartbeat on my face.”  You mumble, uncertain if you’re speaking loud enough for Karkat to hear.  His heart’s beating so fast it feels like someone trapped a hummingbird inside a drum.  You burrow deeper into his chest.

“Hm." One of Karkat’s fingers is tapping against your back.  You don’t know if he’s doing it on purpose or not, but it feels nice and you hope he doesn’t stop.  “Aren’t you uncomfortable like that with your shades on?”

You shrug, but right when he says it you start to feel the metal pieces pressing hard into your skin and you can’t stay in this position for another second.  You turn your head to the side so you’re facing the husktop and take off your shades.  You fold the arms and carefully stick them into your collar for safe keeping.  After some careful consideration, you decide to stay in this position.  

You’re really trying to watch the movie, but you can’t seem to follow much of what’s going on at this point and end up focusing right back in on Karkat.  He’s still hugging you, practically squishing you to him in this really warm, affectionate embrace that you have no idea how to reciprocate.  You don’t think you’ve ever received this much physical affection before in your entire life.

You have no idea what to do with your own hands, right now one of them is just hanging off the couch like a limp noodle and the other one’s at your side.  You take your hand that’s not busy being a noodle and start running it through Karkat’s hair.  It’s thick and softer than what you’d expected, but it’s clear that he’s never met a hairbrush in his life.  That would explain all the weird angles it’s always standing up in.

“Dave, what are you doing?”

“Playing with your hair, what the fuck do you think I’m doing?”  You start combing it through your fingers slowly.  Your fingers keep getting caught in the tangles.  “Do they have brushes on Alternia or are you just so fucking lazy you never bothered to learn basic hygiene?” “Shut up, Dave.”  He doesn’t confirm nor deny your suspicion, and instead leans his head closer to your hand as you continue.  

Karkat relaxes under your touch, and you can literally hear his heart slow into a more comfortable, natural rhythm.  You pull yourself up a couple inches and nuzzle into his neck.  You can’t help but smile when you feel his face grow warm.  He hugs you a little tighter, and it’s the best thing ever.

The movie ends sooner than you expected, mostly because you had no fucking idea what was going on during any part of it whatsoever.  Literally none.  If you were asked to give a report about what that movie was in four hundred words, you would be unable to because you have no clue.  Still, you’re disappointed that it’s over.

Karkat starts to sit up, and you move so you’re no longer laying with all of your weight on him.  You end up sitting on his lap instead, which for some reason feels more awkward than when you were completely on top of him a moment ago.  

He removes one arm from around you and turns off the movie on his husktop.  The other arm stays at your hip. “So, what do you want to do now?”

Karkat regards you curiously, waiting for your response.  He’d probably agree to doing anything you want to right now.  Shit, he’d probably do a dramatic one man reenactment of one of your comics if you asked right now.

One of your hands is still in his hair, and you use it to gently guide him over to you.  You cup his face in both your hands and kiss his nose.  You were really fucking tempted to go for the lips, but you don’t think either of you are ready for that just yet.  Especially not when you’re both embarrassingly red in the face from that tiny peck just now.  “Why don’t you put on another one?”

Karkat looks surprised by your suggestion but then smiles and wrinkles his nose at you.  “Okay, if that’s really what you want.”

“Oh, it is.”

He puts on another romcom, and you both slump back into the couch and resume cuddling positions.  Karkat buries his face in your hair, and this time you’re the one doing the affectionate squeeze hugs.  At one point you start holding hands again, it’s at an awkward angle for both of you but neither of you let go.

You don’t watch the movie.

[thesinglesjukebox]

KATY PERRY FT. NICKI MINAJ - SWISH SWISH [3.36] *types "sports" and "feuds" into subhead, gets 100000000 pageviews*

Mo Kim: "Cartman is introduced to Katy Perry's songwriting staff, who turn out to be a group of manatees. The staff, who live in a large tank, pick up "idea balls" from a large pile of them, each of which has a different animal, quote from direct-to-DVD sleeper hit Bring It On 4: The Bringing On Of The It, or gentrified black slang term written on it, and deliver them, five at a time, to a machine that then forms a verse based on those ideas. Katy Perry refuses to sing if any idea ball is removed from their tank, making critique an unfeasible practice with her. Cartman secretly removes a ball from their tank, causing Katy Perry to stop working, and then convinces the Capitol Records president that she is spoiled and abusing the executives' generosity. Cartman convinces the president that they need to show them what is what. The president decides to pull the new Katy Perry album before its release. Cartman feels victorious, but Taylor Swift shows up, saying that she just convinced the president to tack a 2014 Nicki Minaj verse he found in his Recycle Bin onto the end and release the damn song anyway." [2]

Thomas Inskeep: If you thought "Look What You Made Me Do" was petty, you haven't heard nothin' yet. Clumsy lyrics, a bad early '90s house retread track, a guest verse so phoned-in that Minaj sounds bored doing it, and worst of all, Katy Perry herself, the saddest virus in pop music. Fortunately, it seems that pop fans have developed an immunity to her, based on the pathetic chart performance of her current album and its attendant singles. That sound you hear isn't a "swish," it's Perry's career circling the drain. [0]

Ryo Miyauchi: Genius insists with all its investigative power that this hater-pop is personal, but Katy Perry throws limp jabs that rings anonymous as the dance beat behind her. At least Duke Dumont's wheelhouse is more reliable to entertain. [5]

Crystal Leww: How is it that Duke Dumont is credited as a producer for basically taking Maya Jane Coles and Fatboy Slim production and then somehow making it bad? [1]

Katherine St Asaph: "Walking on Air" was the best track on Prism, and I'm still not sure how Maya Jane Coles isn't everywhere for how much she's influenced pop, so the synthesis was bound to be both good and ascribed to no one involved. "Things have changed from true believers of the music to a more commercialized version of what used to be," said Roland Clark about his infinitely sampled "I Get Deep," so I'm sure he's just thrilled about his words trickling up uncredited, via Fatboy Slim via Duke Dumont, to a Katy Perry song. (He's not disowning it, at least.) If you're very charitable you might see this as Duke Dumont trying, as all pop-house producers do, to prove he Knows His History, but perhaps not, given the aforementioned infinite samples and how Katy's team uses it as a reaction GIF. But at least it belongs in a house track -- unlike the hook (probably Starrah), which belongs in a track that draws out its menace, or the verses (probably Sarah Hudson; evidence), which belong in Pink's "Can't Take Me Home" and in the care of several more editors. (Editors one and two: "what the fuck?" Editor three: "And every bad lyric has nothing to do with basketball anyway. If you're going to keep glomming onto sports because they're now the monoculture that music is not, at least stick to the metaphor." Managing editor: "STOP BEING MUSIC GEEKY.") Everything suggests the kind of song that only coheres with the memes and fake context. Yet somehow it works: the unsweet tea to Meghan Trainor's Arnold Palmer of "Me Too," a machine that looks inexplicably polished. [7]

Madeleine Lee: Finally, a pop single with a house beat that I don't like! I mean, the beat is fine, but I can't enjoy it over the lyrics, which are supposed to be fierce but just sound silly in their mix of bizarre analogies (my personal favourite: "a tiger...don't need opinions from a shellfish") and parroted clapback phrases. Even the robo-voice sample is bad -- that long pause inserted before "what the fuck" is the sound of an air ball. [2]

Nortey Dowuona: A thin, slipping bassline over flat drums. Katy sings blandly. Nicki spits a sharp-toothed verse that is there and then gone. [5]

Frank Kogan: Swish kiss plish, wish the lyrics were different from this. Aside from them, the sound is weird and emphatic and grabby as if she were a Rick James protégé, and jolts me to happy attention. Of course Teena Marie, the Rick James protégé, would've run a thousand rings and wings and epicycles around this. But this track is great for using just a touch of Teena and then continuing to bear down on that little touch, getting all it can out of its little somersault. [8]

Maxwell Cavaseno: The "dance like dubstep" line by Nicki is the perfect thing to overstate as to why both artists have been failing to hit their marks. In Perry's case, there's been an insistent attempt to change what's working for her and mimic other people's successes when, considering how the personality-bleached "Rise" was a home run for her, that's the last thing she needed to do. And Minaj's verse-by-numbers, complete with unnecessary sung outro and dustbin bars, feels like someone who's been sleepwalking since 2012. It's a bitter irony: someone desperate to change who never needed to, and someone too stubborn to recognize how antiquated they've become. Plus, this bad Duke Dumont hijack of Maya Jane Coles doesn't even sound like anything plugged into what was hot at any particular time. From the melodies to the cloying attempt at a catchphrase, it feels so disconnected from any real attempt at a hit to the point you wonder why this was released as it was. Greater songs have been kept out of sight. [2]

Will Adams: In the aftermath of Perry's promo campaign for Witness, a fever dream of live streams and awkward celeb collabs in feeble support of Katy's Great Awokening, "Swish Swish" doesn't look so bad. On first glance it seemed as noxious as it read on paper: more references cherry picked from a position of privilege smooshed together with more reverse engineered memes, from Backpack Kid to the cameo sopped video. Yes, the song itself still isn't great. There's still too much reverb, and there's still some unfortunate scansion and even more unfortunate use of the English language. But the sonic references make a difference; Maya Jane Coles' continued influence on pop is a trend I warmly welcome, and if "I Get Deep" needed to get a reboot for the mid-late '10s, keeping it tied to its house roots is a thoughtful choice. "Swish Swish" is at its best when the excess surrounding it is ignored. [5]

Alfred Soto: Apparently this is an "anti-bullying" track! It's not my job to learn intentions, not when "Swish Swish" is a mishmash of incongruous and unhappily cobbled samples, strange vocal choices, and an inapposite Nicki Minaj cameo.  [2]

Alex Clifton: Look, I tried to give this a point for Nicki Minaj singing "I already despise you" in the sweetest way, but I can't do it. "Swish Swish" is the blandest Katy Perry song I've ever heard, which is really saying something. Much as I loathed "Bon Appetit," at least that had, er, memorable moments. Nothing here stands out, a sin for a diss track: the beat is half-assed, the insults are weak ("you're 'bout as cute as an old coupon expired" -- what on earth does that mean, Katy?), and the delivery is emotionless. A song about being the baddest bitch on the block who kills people needs swagger, which has never been Perry's strong point. Say what you will about Taylor Swift, but at least in "Look What You Made Me Do" she sounds icy and in charge. Perry doesn't even have that going for her. [0]

Stephen Eisermann: Nicki's verse is a blast -- quick-witted, fun, and catchy -- and deserving of a much better song. But here, it's just a silver lining on a dark ass cloud. Nothing about this song comes across as sincere -- where Taylor's vindictiveness comes from a place of actual anger, I just don't think Katy cares enough to fight with her. And that's totally fine, but there is no need to fake it! Also, the release of this song feels so weird considering she went on a reconciliation press tour earlier in this album cycle, no? [3]

Joshua Copperman: Swap the two artists around, replace the video with literally anything else, and it's much better - all the pieces are there, including the Duke Dumont-produced beat, but the "old coupon expired" lines aren't iconic; they're dumb. Same with the video, which tries to be a mess and succeeds too well. At least Nicki seems to know what is what. Katy, on the other hand, does not know what is what. She just uses dated memes in her already overblown video struts. What the heck? [5]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[aquakris]

1-40 💘 I’m so sorry you’re having a rough night pumpkin. I wish there was a way that I could make it better.

Anon you don’t know how much you made me feel so much better tonight. I love you so much like I’m literally tearing up🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💕

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?

It was first grade & his name was Peyton Bellinger & I liked him because he was super smart, cute, & funny. He was also my first kiss lol

2. What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life?

I think I regret spending my time on ppl who knew that they weren’t going to stay in my life in the long run & basically how some ppl just don’t give a fuck about my feelings honestly. (That’s the reason why I’m so sad tonight lol🥴) I have more things but that’s one of them

3. Which parent do you identify with the most?

Well I was raised by my mom & grandma (because my dad is asshole tbh) so I’m gonna say both of them. I have both of their personalities mixed together

4. What do you think you cook or bake the best?

I don’t really cook often but I can bake some good ass muffins lol

5. If you could change your first name what would it be?

I honesty don’t know LMAOOOOOO maybe Ashley since that’s one part of my middle name?

6. Can you hula hoop?

Yes but I’m not that good

7.What embarrasses you the most in front of other people?

I hateeeeee crying in front of ppl ugh it’s so embarrassing to me because I look so ugly when I cry but also, I don’t want ppl to see my emotional side? Idk it’s weird loll

8. Have you considered running for president?

Lmaoooooo yes I have but I don’t think ppl would vote for me

9. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why?

I’m so passionate about making my mom happy. I just want to make her so proud of me like everything I do, especially my education ( which I’m also passionate about) is for her & mostly myself. I love her🥺

10. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why?

I don’t really envy anyone honestly🤷🏾‍♀️😂

11. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why?

In my opinion, I think the most beautiful place on earth is anywhere with a nice beach & a sunset. Idc where it’s at, but a nice sunset on the beach makes me so happy.

12. Are ghosts real?

Yessssss

13. Are aliens real?

Hell yessssss

14. How old is the most expired item in your fridge?

I think it’s yogurt that expired maybe 3 days ago? (Ew💀)

15. What are your favorite style of underwear?

Boyshorts, cheeky, & thongs🌝

16. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard?

The climb by Miley Cyrus (I cry everytime)

17. How about the sweetest song?

The way by Ariana Grande because I fucking love her omg & my favorite part by Mac Miller because I miss him:(((

18. Do you know how to play dominoes?

Nah lol but I would love to learn

19. What’s under your bed?

A bunch of shoes & other shit💀

20. Have you ever prank called someone?

Yes lmaoooooo I’m kinda childish😂😂

21. 100 kittens or 3 baby sloths?

3 baby sloths because my little heart can’t take all that cuteness especially with 100 kittens

22. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now?

Sort of

23. Why or why not?

Because I’m doing good sort of but I can be better. My heart is kinda hurting at the moment but once I get myself together, I’ll be fine

24. How many bones have you broken?

None! I’m actually surprised because I have low vitamin D levels & also iron

25. Have you ever won anything? Big or small?

I’ve won some prizes before but it’s nothing major lol

26. If you could buy one material thing, and money was not an issue, what would it be?

A custom black & pink Porsche so me & Grayson can race each other & for Ethan to be in the passenger seat hehe☺️

27. What’s your favorite movie from your childhood?

Hmmmm… I want to say every Barbie movie you can think of & also the Bratz movies

28. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat?

I would absolutely not eat lobster or crab. I’ve got sick from it before & it wasn’t great at all

29. What’s the best way to comfort you when you’re having a really terrible day?

Like tonight lol, just talk to me. Let me know that everything is gonna be ok… cuddle with me? I need a hug rn

30. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before?

I want to say first, my mom because if I died today, she would not be able to live & I hate seeing her hurt but also, my close friend from high school. I was very depressed & kinda suicidal towards the end of senior year but she kinda saved me. I’m still friends with her too. That’s my bby

31. Would you ever adopt a child?

Yes!!!!! I want to be a mom sooooooo bad so if I wasn’t able to have my own kids, then I would loveeeeeee to be a mom for someone that will become mine🥺

32. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try?

I want to try skydiving. Ppl think I’m weird but it seems fun! I also want to get a tattoo on my lip like E & Gray💀

33. If you were a cake which cake would you be?

Pound cake because it’s thicc like me😉😂

34. What is the most important material possession you have and why?

My 3 gold necklaces & my Rings because they we’re given to me at a young age & also, I just love them a lot lol

35. What is the most important memory you have and why?

I’ll never forget when I first time I got my first car. I was hitting everything LMAOOOOOO it was terrible because I have bad anxiety when I drive so I don’t really drive now but I need to like now lol because Lyft & Uber adds up quickly

36. When was the last time you cried?

Around 10 mins ago:(

37. How old was your mother when she had you?

20 so basically my age rn. She raised a bad bitch & that’s the tea😉

38. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with?

Ariana Grande or Ethan & Grayson

39. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did?

Yes:((((

40. Have you been on your first date? If so, how did it go?

No but hopefully, someone would take me on a lovely date one day🤧

Thanks for asking anon! You made my night better & I love you bby🥺🥺🥺🥺💛

[krycek-asks]

Luis' Story Time: The first time I got a hug from Steve Fuckin Rogers

Or "Two times Luis hugged Steve and one time Steve hugged first." Originally written for @thelittleblackfox , a Luis' feel good story (If you make it to the end of 2k+ words coming out of Luis's mouth there's a gold star in it for you) (Sorry no 'read after the cut' when posting from my phone ha!) "The first time I stood in front of Steve Fuckin Rogers man I smiled so wide I felt my cheek bones crack, and I couldn't stop yo! I said somethin stupid like 'it's nice to finally meet you bro' or 'heard a lot about you brah, but like only the good stuff ya know?' Like there's any legit bad stuff. And he just smiled into that aura of kindness that radiates all around him, and that shit is gold yo, my prima Leticia is in tune with the spirits and she says the good ones are gold, literally, like they radiate gold and what could be more good than Steve Fuckin Rogers holding his hand out to you? I get into that golden warm haze and pull that dude in a for a hug and jeeeezus have you felt that guero's biceps? Practically gave myself a concussion on the dudes pecks. Course I told him that, a brotha likes to hear all his hard work ain't goin all under appreciated, and Scott's just standing behind him nodding at me all 'Right? Right? I toooooold you he was awesome' but silent talkin like with his eyes. And Steve Fuckin Rogers is the humblest dude you will ever meet, duckin his head all shy teenager or whatever age he's frozen in since that magic potion he drank or gamma ray or whatever made him wander the earth all ageless 'n shit, like the world's most buff vampire but instead of hiding from the sun and drinking blood, he shines that light right through you and eats like six burgers at a time as though his life depended on that shit, like he'd turn to ash without twelve million calories a day. So of course I introduce him to my tío Pepe's taco stand, ain't no safer place to discuss a job AND chow down on life giving suadero. Best salsa in town too. Just about closed the place down early that night with the sheer quantity of taco consumption yo! and everyone fallin all over eachother tryin to get Captain America a jarrito or a napkin or whatever. Of course Steve Fuckin Rogers pays for everything we ate and more. He can be a happy dude man, well when he's eaten anyways, dude is the definition of 'have a snickers' most of the time. Anyways so a couple months later and I'm helpin Scott do some serious ass swear to god legit Avenging. I mean I've met Norse gods and kissed Black Widows but nothin could prepare me for the awesome presence of the Winter Distract You With My Awesome Darkness While I Slice You Soldier saving me from some shit eating alien monsters with nothin but the butter knife or whatever the fuck he pulls out of all those secret little pockets in that kick ass black leather number he wears. 'Course he's just Bucky outside of the fight, like that dude could be 'just' anything ya know? Like who else appreciates how to properly braise leeks or fold butter to get just the right amount of lamination in a goddamn croissant huh? Bucky that's who. Anyways he's Steve Fuckin Rogers life partner or whatever, no need for labelling amongst friends ya know, so when the Winter Soldier gets his last filleting knife lost in the slobber of the most persistent of alien dickweeds and we're staring down the short track of our lives into the dripping maw of death it's Steve Fuckin Rogers who comes in at the last second to save the day, his glowing aura alone shredding that hell hound into shadowy fuckin bits that blow away in the breeze. I mean really it was that kick ass shield made of Infinitum or awesomium or whatever, but you hear me dawg. There was a group hug after, well it was more like I wrapped my arms around a single super being - those two were like melded into one yo, my arms barely got half way. It was beautiful. Tears were shed bro I ain't afraid to admit it but I'm sensitive like that. Daddy ain't afraid of feelings. So me and Scott start hangin around the Avengers club house more often and it is so tight yo! They got ping pong, Xbox, indoor outdoor pools, fuckin Nordic spa quality steam rooms ya know what I'm sayin? Like breathing eucalyptus through every pore in my body is a religious experience, and all this in midtown Manhattan yo! Stark knows how to treat his buddies right, get 'em back in fightin form asap. We'd do midnight ramen with Clint, Scott'd hang with Bruce around his lab exchanging science knowledge like they were playing poker or somethin, I'd hang with Nat and play Boggle or Scrabble but my girl she cheats in other languages I'm sure of it! But whatcha gonna do, call Black Widow out on some Eastern European word for yak's milk? 'sides she lets me use my chilango 'cause deep down she's a real sweetheart. Brunch Roulette with Bucky on Sundays - we pick the trendiest restaurant we can find that day and proceed to order everything we can stand, acting like real buffs, legit Michelin Four Star reviewers or whatever gets the staff jumpin. Dude loves cuisine and can talk about the thousand ways to cook over fire while slicing a tomato without even looking, nothing snags on my mans knives, keeps those muthas sharp ya know? But Steve Fuckin Rogers is a whole other story yo, saddest dude I have ever met when he ain't got no fight to plan for, and you can only run in one spot for a certain amount of time until you wear that floor down, or like literally break your shoes or somethin. And it ain't like he's havin a hard time adjusting to modern digital life, and dude seems happy enough eating whatever Buck puts in front of him, even gets this close to a smile when he can drag himself outside the clubhouse to join us for Brunch Roulette and makes the staff fall all over themselves if they fail to fill up Bucky's water when asked or turn his creme brûlée into scrambled eggs. I mean seriously yo, my abuela can make a perfect flan in her sleep and some of these posers can't tell the difference between a creme caramel and a Cadbury Creme Egg. But if left to his own devices he starts lookin through old photos from his Known Associates box or old sketchbooks from his apartment in Brooklyn from the dawn of time, aka the Great Depression. Tony calls them his Sad Souvenirs, and that golden aura? It just fades yo, like it's still there but limp or something. Bucky told me over mimosas, best ever wake up juice on the market by the way! He told me he tried to hide the Sad Souvenir box once, but Steve Fuckin Rogers just sat at their breakfast bar making houses out of an old bicycle card deck and they just kept fallin over and he'd get sadder and sadder and smaller and smaller until Bucky couldn't take it anymore and asked him to help open a pickle jar or some shit and put the Sad Souvenirs back while he was occupied being 'helpful'. I heard that story and thought of my cousin's girlfriend's brother's neighbor's dog's vet's husband out in Red Hook - dude owns a sandwich shop, best cubanos you can get bro! It was the pickles that reminded me of that heaven on a bolillo. But what does a sandwich shop have to do with Steve Fuckin Rogers you ask? Nothin bro, 'cept it's next to a pawn shop owned by a hundred year old dude named Frank that used to know my homeboys from back in the day! More to the point he knew Sarah Rogers, the living saint herself who used to walk the halls of the TB wards like the superhero she was, took care of her little slip of a boy and smacked down anyone who dared breathe wrong in his direction. Scott said he overheard Nat tellin Clint that she'd overheard Tony talkin on the phone to some Commando named Morita's kid about stories his dad told him about Steve Fuckin Rogers back in the day. Seems like the poor kid lost his mom to the very disease she'd been savin people from all those years ago, and he used to sing her favourite songs in this strange language but would shut up when caught out by his soldier buddies. Kept lookin in all the churches they crashed in while marching through the mud of war for rosaries too, but not just any rosary though he'd pray pretty hard regardless but he was lookin for something all specific like. Seems Tony's dad Howard sent some dudes out to try and track down Sarah's shit that was left behind at the sanitorium where people go to get better but mostly just pass on, but never found nothin. Scott said Nat said she asked Bucky about the singing but he wouldn't say a word about it, just laughing it off as though the Cap couldn't sing. But it got me thinking - so what if Howard Starks minions couldn't find anything? They weren't from the 'hood ya know? You gotta know people, trust 'em, if they gonna give up somethin precious. So I put the word out at Franks pawn shop, you know if they come across anything, or know who to ask. Well, a few weeks later I got a call from old Frank himself. Seems he remembered a neighbour of Sarah and her son who'd been in the same TB ward as Nurse Rogers but had survived! Attributes it to Sarah giving her something before she passed on, and she kept that stuff for her son Little Stevie, and don't you know Nat won't let go of that nickname even under threat of death, But Little Stevie turned into Captain America and drove a plane into the ice and never came back to Brooklyn so she passed Sarah's stuff down to her daughter then to her son to his daughter until Franks great granddaughter puts the word out and that's all she wrote man! Except it ain't cause the Cap came outta the ice and now I had to convince him to come out with me to Red Hook yo! And the quickest way to get Steve Fuckin Rogers to follow you is with the promise of the best cubano sandwich he's ever had in his life. Don't forget he's a food vampire bro! And dudes most relaxed after he's eaten his four sandwiches and a box of Girl Guide cookies from these niñas who set up shop outside - little hustlers know a target when they see one! Between the two of us we bought three cases to bring back to the clubhouse. But there's one more mission we gotta complete, so I say I wanna say hello to an old friend and we go into Franks place and don't you know Steve Fuckin Rogers recognizes Frank right away 'Hey Frankie!' he says like it's been a week or something, well I guess it hasn't really been that long for him being frozen most of the century and all. Frank gives some Brooklyn salute or somethin then gets right down to business sayin 'I guess you're here for your mothers things' The confusion on my poor mans face! Lookin from me to Frank back and forth until Frank takes mercy on him and pulls out what is now and forever known as the Happy Crying Souvenir box. It's got Sarah's rosary, a song book in Latin and one in Irish or something and a letter, a letter for Little Stevie and you know I teared up at that point yo, I said I was sensitive! But I was smilin' and Frank was chattering away about how he'd found this stuff and the golden aura starts to fill the place and I'm suddenly swallowed up by it, biceps crushing my neck but all gentle like, like being embraced by a huge warm teddy bear made of concrete, that's what it's like to be hugged by Steve Fuckin Rogers, and he just says to me in this super legit old school gangsta voice I have only ever heard in The Godfather, 'Thank you, Luis. An stop callin me Steve Fuckin Rogers' And when I get released and can finally take a breath I take his massive hand, look him in his eyes and say, 'Anytime Little Stevie' and dude just shoves me like a Saint Bernard pushing over his little chihuahua buddy, and it goes on like that and when we get back to the clubhouse brandishing cookies and happy stories from the hood we turn that shit into a party. Bucky was so happy he made me chilaquiles from my ma's secret recipe, as though you can keep a secret from Slice 'n Dice Barnes. I even got a kiss from Nat and one from Barton too, though dude was on a pretty crazy sugar high from all those cookies so he totally denies it. And that's the story of the first time I got a hug from Steve." ⭐️

[sinthearchitect]

so since i am borderline schiz, I wanna take this and ask me

@itakesurveys op so still inquire

mine is number two.

Ask Questions

Ask, ask, ask! Send me a #

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?

Aaliyah. Her intense mysterious quality and underlying confidence in her look. which means she was probably a nerd on the low

2. What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life?

Both taking myself far too seriously and also not allowing myself to love the person that was there all along soon enough

3. Which parent do you identify with the most?

Mufasa. Always down to protect the gang, natural leader, extremely knowledgeable and passionate pops. Con is way to prideful and volcanic for his own good

4. What do you think you cook or bake the best?

I think the verdict would be either something to do with Mexican flavors, like fish tacos or bbq chicken. I only know how to bake cornbread which don't even count. I need to get it together. I learned how to make bagels tho.

5. If you could change your first name what would it be?

Sincere

6. Can you hula hoop?

"Pelvic Wooo!!"

7. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people?

Not knowing how to properly adjust my vocal octave to not strain/sound too loud/be too quiet to hear. Or not being up-to-date on current events cuz fuck the Illuminati.

8. Have you considered running for president?

Yes. I realized it would end up being a cult in which I unleashed everyone's hidden potential to be light itself then fade away into the cosmos.

9. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why?

Read above. Also my loved ones obviously..but anything to do with art.

10. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why?

Maybe Banksy. Truly most people that are exceptionally gifted with drawing or sculptures or painting. Maybe why I fell in lust with web design and coding so quickly. I think that is an amazing talent.

11. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why?

I have settled on Hawaii for the time being. But I know the true answer is Cairo, Egypt.

12. Are ghosts real?

Playa. Yeen ever woken up and seen a nigga literally walk out your eyesight before??

13. Are aliens real?

I only had an experience one time in which I woke up to some extremely vivid green light in my mom's old place. And my vision is trash bags ripped open, and once I looked at it I could see LITERALLY everything in my bedroom like never before. Real shit on both 12 & 13 seriously. Outside of that yes still cuz of books I read at way too tender an age.

14. How old is the most expired item in your fridge?

Ain't no fridge bihh. Most people have the baking soda in there for an eternity

15. What are your favorite style of underwear?

I like how briefs look on me but they need the hole is all I will say. Idk why they don't have an inflate option on the side.

16. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard?

There was a jazz song that used to make me cry as a kid. Idk the name anymore

17. How about the sweetest song?

It's a grip of those. Ah Yeah, Soul Sista, Let's Stay Together, Walked In by Bankroll Fresh..etc.

18. Do you know how to play dominoes?

Does my Negus percentage lower if I say kinda sorta?

19. What’s under your bed?

Ain't no bed bihh.

20. Have you ever prank called someone?

Nah. Probably just start with "so yeah we had to jump this 89 year old priestess.." for shits and or giggles.

21. 100 kittens or 3 baby sloths?

Long as they are the sloths from Pokemon, each evolution.

22. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now?

Slick

23. Why or why not?

Not kicking its ass nor mine or anyone else's affection tryna save the galaxy at the moment

24. How many bones have you broken?

I lowkey think it's about 5 by now but knowingly 1.5

[royaletenenbaum]

If you had told me seven years and three months ago that you would spend the rest of your 30th year as a single gay man, you probably would have said something like

“yeah, sounds about right”

2018 began with two people as the focus point. The past seven years have been about two people as the focus point. My whole (almost –whole) 20’s has been with two people as the focus point. I think you get what I mean now – I have had someone by my side for the past seven years and now, nothing.

Not nothing nothing. More like – I do have friends but I also respect my body to want to be alone and sit and wallow in my sadness. I’m human and I am allowed to do this. I like to cry. When I was in high school I watched Natalie Portman in Garden State with this fantastic line that summarized how I had been feeling quite literally my whole life until that point

“I’m not saying I don’t cry, but in between, I laugh. And I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. It feels pretty good.”

So far today the 12th of April only one other person knows and they are part of my best friend circle. It’s been two weeks almost since we decided that a split would be beneficial for both of our physical and mental health. Arguing almost daily while taking happy photos for Instagram wasn’t something either of us were cut out to do. Thankfully we didn’t end the relationship over a fight while saying nasty things to one another. It was mutual, heartbreaking, I felt like the earth beneath me had dropped away and I was floating on thin air, almost waiting to drop.

He wants to focus on being a happier person and so do I. The saddest part was realizing that we didn’t make each other happy in a relationship. Like, we tried, but we were both in this weird swimming pool unable to swim and the lights are off and you can hear each other slapping the water trying to stay above where you can breathe but then you look down and can’t see your feet and think “fuck, but I love him so I can stay here, it’s fine and its okay, right?”

The weird thing was that right when we had decided to end our relationship, Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan split. I remember he sent me the Instagram post with all of these shocked face emoji’s and my first thought was “hmm... If we were social media famous we could literally make a killing about this end of relationship” but I quickly dropped that thought. I also remember thinking like, god-fucking-damn-it they are trying to steal our thunder!

So anyway, I’m hella fucking sad. I do go for walks and I am eating healthy and junk food, I like to mix it up a little bit. We do still text each other to make sure that the other is alive and well, kicking on in the day. The end isn’t the complete end, I know and trust that he will remain as a very close friend in my life. We just couldn’t be together as a couple.

You know what’s weird? Thinking about how I’m going to tell my friends. I told my cousin when we were having dinner before the new John Krasinksi/Emily Blunt movie and she her eyes almost fell out of her head. I feel like at this point, it’s like telling my children that mommy and daddy were going to live in separate houses and that both of us love you very much. My friends are so invested in our relationship because we were always so picture perfect and because (and I will always stand by this) he is a fucking handsome ma-CHINE. Work friends are always asking about my weekend, what we did, where we went for lunch and dinner, did we have plans to go somewhere soon? Oh, we don’t live together yet? Oh, that’s right, I mentioned that the move in was planned for next year. I don’t know how to break it to them. I wonder how my parents will take it. My mum always used to tell me that I fought with him too much, that my temper was going to ruin me one day. I worked on my anger management for us, for me.

Sometimes I think that our conversations about ourselves caught up with our emotions. He is the strong, patriotic, hard headed and tough Colombian and I was the wavy, chilled out, almost-a-bogan Aussie with Chilean parents. We always said that had this been high school we probably would have avoided each other because we were so different. He taught me how to stand up for myself both physically and emotionally and I taught him that it was okay to fall down and break a dinner plate every now and then. From the beginning, we were different and a part of me feels like this is the failing link, the weak chain in the mechanics of our relationship. How could we have lasted so long? Then I remember that I’m not actually living an episode of sex and the city and remind myself that we had a genuine love for one another and that just because we ended doesn’t mean that the past seven years have gone to a waste. I’m not sad that I lost someone, because I didn’t. My heart is broken for the both of us.

Like I said before about being hella sad, I’m still there and I recognize that I better bring a blanket and a book because lord knows I will cause this state my home for probably longer than I need to (which is okay) I tried listening to some music and watching a few movies that I used to watch when I felt my depression lingering like a cat watching you open Tupperware of biscuits. This didn’t work though because it made me sadder to think that I was going back to how I felt when I was aged 16-20 when the sad chapter of my life was at its prime. So instead I found some new music on Spotify and went for a walk and by the hair of my chin, it helped. I went to Kmart and bought some new shirts and a jumper. I forgot to buy new undies though. It has nothing to do with me being in a relationship or not, I just need new undies. Protein farts equals holes in your undies.

I don’t think that I’m broken, or unable to live my life as normal. It just feels like...like I’m stuck listening to that sad song from that album you love, you can’t press skip or pause. I’ve already learnt how to deal with my sadness. I always told him that this was my trick – kinda like the hulk. I was always sad. Staying above water is my problem.

[cheerstocrazy]

Wahh

I’ve been feeling so sad lately bc I’m about to start my period, and last week I was nostalgic as hell for past memories. I’ve only been listening to Don’t Take the Money (unplugged version), Good Guy, and 89 (Bon Iver). It sucks to feel this way. Anyway, I think last week’s nostalgia was triggered by watching The Beauty Inside with Mary and Matthew. The date was just so sweet and intimate, and ugh I just wanted something like that in real life. So I thought back to my date right before I left to NYC, and how nice it was to be with someone so down-to-earth and upfront about his intentions. Someone who understood what I was going through and could recite my feelings back to me. I felt so seen (in the best way). I can’t believe he told me, “Why’d you agree to meet me before leaving? You’re at your most vulnerable right now? So anything is fair game, right?” I was still trying to process all my emotions that week so for him to realize I was at my most vulnerable made me feel transparent and like someone actually understood my current emotions. I was so taken aback that he was able to read me. Now that I’m home and don’t have much going on -- I think back to that night. It was a perfect date/night/finale before leaving. He was just such a good guy, I wish we could’ve stayed friends afterward, but I don’t blame him for not maintaining contact. I mean no one can really put their life on hold and wait for something that’s not even a guarantee. I just felt like the rest of the world ceased to exist that night and time stopped momentarily just for us. We didn’t skip a beat and he was just so curious and he spoke 3 languages (!!!!!!!) and was legitimately woke (!!!!) I remember us sitting at the taco place all by ourselves in the corner with our kind of strange seating arrangement. Eating messily and just chatting about random things like 2 people who had known each other a while. I think me leaving made us more uninhibited and allowed for us to really enjoy the 1 night we had. I wish it didn’t have to end, I really enjoyed how kind he was and sociable. Just an all around really great human. Any girl would be lucky to have him as a friend, let alone a boyfriend. I’m sure all his invitations and effusiveness were said out of hopefulness that this would continue when I got back. I wish what he said was true. He was so well-spoken and deliberate, which I really appreciate in a human, and it’s so rare to find that in a 20 something year old - especially a software engineer!! Ugh, I’m going to cry. Anyway, that was one of my favorite nights of this year, I’ll never forget it. It was the best date I’ve ever been on, and it came at a very strange time in my life. After the Snap guy and the Dr., I just realized that good guys who understand and vibe with me will be incredibly hard to come by.  My favorite moments of 2017: 1. Date with the Israeli guy before leaving to NY 2. (Best/Worst) Nice at Hair in the Dog where I threw up my intestines - the entire day. From eating Japanese food, walking through Brooklyn, finding that wicked cool bar with awesome views. Eating that bomb burger at the South American inspired place with arepas. Waiting in the Sbux to kill time and for a respite. Walking around Brooklyn lost trying to find a club. Going back to the weird bar in LES and being pestered by the Asians. Getting free drinks, ducking to escape them. Eventually running in the rain to Hair of the Dog. Stumbling upon Andrew (hot guy) who just took us into the group and bought us drinks. Dancing with Orr’s friend then him, the hand job (lol). Being piss drunk, then not knowing what happened the rest of the night.  3. Salt Flat weekend with the Brazilians. Will be one of my favorite weekends of life. They were the sweetest and funniest guys ever, I cannot believe I found them. I remember seeing them at the bus station in Potosi and thinking omg, one of them is kinna fat and if he lost some weight, he’d be skinnier. I saw they were eating hot dogs and a bag of chips. Just laughed to realize they were my roommates.  4. The jam sessions and dinner in Cusco.  5. Coachella weekend: Bon Iver, Justice, Porteon, Jai Wolf. Having Julian take care of my the entire set and just swaying with me and keeping me afloat. That was absolute euphoria and a nightmare for me.  *Bon Iver ft Francis - Friends (MY FAVORITE CONCERT MOMENT EVER!) 6. The bar by PP’s apt with the fucking disgusting couple making out for 3 hours. Camaraderie is everyone in the bar clapping, snapchatting, heckling that couple.  7. San Pedro de Atacama - absolutely everything in that desert took my breath away 8. FWB Dr. those 2 weeks were pretty fun to have someone on speed dial to hang out with 9. The marathon 15 hour workday with Kathy and Daniel when we were delirious and literally just putting binders together for 5 hours.  10. Going out with the Chileans to Ex-Fabrica, the taking photos snafu lmao 11. Hanging out with Tiare on my last night in Chile. That was so fun to get day drunk and just eat and walk around.  12. WATCHING THE KILLERS FROM THE ROOFTOP IN AUSTIN!!!!! ZOMG WTF!!! 13. Gorillaz set!!! at ACL 14. I think I ran a 7+ miler this year.... 15. The Huaraz hike, sinking into the mud, standing around each night to joke around with people.  16. The entire day at Machu Picchu which WAS TOTALLY SURREAL AND MEETING THAT GROUP OF PERUVIANS!! AND THE SHORT LIL MAN WHO LOVED ME.  17. Barranco!!!! I love that neighborhood so much!!  18. Going off-roading in Sedona with the random Canadian couple we met.  19. My cute as hell South African roommate!! Eek I loved him so much 20. Hiking Montana de Siete Colores 21. Staying with the cutest Peruvian family in Ica. MY HEART, I LOVED THEM. 

Best songs of the year: 1. Francis and the Lights - May I Have This Dance?  2. Rhys - Swallow Your Pride 3. Frank Ocean - Good Guy/White Ferrari 4. Bleachers - Don’t Take the Money 5. Banks - Crowded Places  6. Mura Masa - What’s It Gonna B? 7. Haim - You Never Knew 8. Lorde - Supercut/The Louvre 9. Odesza - Corners of the Earth 10. Jai Wolf - Starlight 11. Kehlani - Do U Dirty Saddest Moments of the Year: 1. August 2nd - getting the call from Eastridge to notify me that I’d been let go 2. March - Seeing Sal, getting anxious that entire weekend, having no appetite, just the lack of control I had over my body. Dealing with his texting. Getting my car towed. 3. My mother not talking to me for 8 months. That took a toll 4. Dealing with insurance for months on end to resolve nothing.  5. In Banos, Ecuador to have my parents sabotage me for the first time and tell me to come home. 6. Cusco, when my mother wouldn’t take a photo of my vaccinations to which I sobbed on the floor. 7. The endless professional shitting -- all the you’re going to get hired/promoted blah blah. Nope 8. June 13th - when Bryan told me he was leaving the company. My heart sunk.  Honorable Mentions:  1. Colombian straggler 2. Date with the tall ass weirdo who made me not date for 6 months afterwards lol 3. HEAVING AND PUFFING AND DYING AT LAGUNA 69 OMG KILL ME  This was such a hard year for me mentally, physically, emotionally. I’m looking back and even though I did have lots of good moments (due to my South America trip), it was mostly a year that tested me. I just felt like I got walked all over and was taken advantage of. I felt so small most of the year at work and like my value wasn’t realized. It was a lot of feeling hopeful only to get crushed immediately, which I guess is what life is. It was so taxing for me to be at work and just not progress professionally and getting lead on. I didn’t deserve that at all. My best couple of months came from me being laid off, so I guess there’s that silver lining? Boys wise, this year didnt’ work out too well, lots of ghosts coming back into my life and another unsuccessful year of dating. My mother and I didn’t speak to each other for most of the year, which was ridiculous. There was a really big life event this year, and I definitely needed her to be there for me, and she wasn’t. That’s a year we’ll never get back, and I can’t really talk about it without crying. She’s talking to me again, but you don’t get to shut me out of your life for 8 months with no valid reason to talk to me again like nothing happened. This isn’t how it works. I don’t think our relationship will be able to come back after that, especially post election. It was just a really hard time for me, and it would’ve been nice to have a maternal figure for venting. I guess that’s when your friends come in. I remember being in the jacuzzi talking to Tam, and she told me about what my mom said and how she felt while I was away and like her heart sunk. And I was like what about me??? I don’t even know why she’s upset. I just teared up, I couldn’t take it anymore. Especially after my trip, and coming back to reality. I just wanted to disappear for most of this year because I felt so insiginificant, and that’s why I ran off to South America. I wanted anonymity but under my call, not someone else making me feel invisible. All I wanted this year was to be seen and heard, and that rarely happened. This was such a hard year for me, I still can’t get over how difficult it’s been. At least I sleep a lot not and am not stressed out. I need to move.  2018 goal: MOVE OUT OF CALIFORNIA!!!