#but still relearning to stop caring so much about what i share...!

[samallama]

With Summer reruns, that's all coatings get! A sketch that became unserious along the way because, well

yeah LOL

[blueisquitetired]

For funzies may I present to you, the

Warden Ingo and His Brother AU

Okay, so here’s the pitch:

Ingo has been in Hisui for about 2-3 years now and has settled in okay. He’s still seen as an outsider and “unnerving”, but his skills with Pokémon and work as Lady Sneasler’s warden (she insisted) has earned him a begrudging respect among the clans. The hole in Ingo’s soul still pains him greatly, but he has learned to live with it.

And then Emmet falls into Hisui with no memory.

“But Blue!” I hear you cry. “Lots of people have already done that AU! This isn’t new at all!” But you are wrong! Most of those AUs focus on the twins being separated- a comedy of errors keeping them apart. Not THIS AU tho.

No, in this AU Ingo meets Emmet within days of him falling, (wether the Pearl Clan finds him or he he runs into him himself) and as soon as they lay eyes on each other (and this is important) they recognize each other immediately. Not by name, or even relationship, but that the other is the person they have been looking for- the most important person in the world. And then they hug and cry.

(Bonus points if the boys are a little facially blind and someone else has to point out to them that they look exactly the same)

Anyway, this is a soft AU about Ingo teaching his brother how to survive in this strange harsh world and rediscovering parts of himself that he had hidden away. (To make the fluff sweeter, this is a darker Hisui where everyone has scars and Ingo had to learn to mask) They love each other very much and work together well- easily falling back into being a two car train again. An AU about them finding happiness together in a harsh world 💙

Bonus thoughts!

- I think it would be interesting comparing how Emmet and Ingo react to having no memories. Like Ingo had to rebuild himself from the ground up while fighting loneliness and a feeling of otherness while Emmet falls with a support system already in place. As a result, Emmet cares a lot less about getting his memories back then Ingo does. He’s got his brother right here, and if his nightmares are anything to go off of, he doesn’t think he’ll like his more recent memories

- While Ingo had to learn to mask to survive, I don’t think he lets anyone give Emmet flack for his autistic traits. In exchange, Emmet helps Ingo learn to unmask in private or around friends (First time Emmet sees Ingo force a smile he’s like “??!!?! What are you doing!!??”)

Relearn you autistic stims through the power of love lol

- Ingo is also super self sacrificial in this AU. Like, he’s already covered in scars and has been through a lot of pain- but his baby brother hasn’t yet. He doesn’t want his twin getting hurt. (Emmet chews him out for babying him. Doesn’t stop Ingo from blocking his brother from Pokémon attacks though)

But yeah, thought it might be fun to share some AU stuff I have that I don’t plan to write fics for. Feel free to ask questions or add contributions to this post!

[fujii-draws]

Hello hi it’s asimplearchivist again (I mixed up my main when I created my account just fyi) and I am having more thoughts about Dusknoir

Do you think that when he first came to the past from the future that he had a hard time measuring his strength? Having to rely on his strength and abilities to protect himself and to do Dialga’s bidding would mean he wouldn’t have ever had any reason to practice being gentle, right?

So what if the first few months of having to play the part of the gentleman and kindly explorer, shaking hands and interacting with others (picking them up when saving them, etc), he realizes how brusquely he touches them? Enough times if someone saying his grip is a little tight or he jostled them too much and such makes him realize he can’t just go full throttle because he’s a fully evolved and experienced and powerful Pokémon, these civilians don’t know what it means to survive in a wasteland where virtually everything is out to get you

…so, to conclude, how much gentleness does he learn by dealing with the hero and partner? I’m thinking of your riding on the shoulder and him carrying them around examples specifically but does he ever catch himself being harsh and they don’t even realize why (“haha, you’re crushing me! you don’t have to hold me so tight, you know, it won’t hurt me if I fall just from here!”) and he stops in dawning horror realizing that one day he’s going to have to hurt them in the end?

then he has to learn to be gentle all over again when he and the others return from the future—even more gentle and slow and careful this time—because now they’re afraid of him, knowing just how strong he is and exactly what he’s capable of doing to them?

now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go sob in the corner, goodbye👋🏻🥹

(this was mainly inspired by the comic of aimilios trying to trust him again when he’s hurt but still being terrified and dusknoir just h u r t i n g bc he knows it’s fully justified…crying in the club rn)

also I was curious how Dusknoir reacts when they evolve? is he bursting at the seems with pride at watching them “grow up” or is it more of a somber affair with him feeling relief that they’ll be able to defend themselves better against bigger, stronger pokemon (like himself) who would try to hurt them?

Sorry for the rambling, I just have a lot of feels about this big softy and I wanted to share them!😊

Op… your mind… is SO POWERFUL.

THE IDEA?? OF DUSKNOIR KNOWING NOTHING BUT DO-OR-DIE SITUATIONS IN THE FUTURE; ONLY SERVING AS A WEAPON FOR PRIMAL DIALGA TO USE… To then having to learn how to be gentle..? Of course, to fulfill the “humble and kind explorer” facade… but mainly achieving it because of Hero and Partner.

…AND HIM SEEING HOW THEY GET SLIGHTLY HURT BY HIM WHEN HE’S NOT EVEN TRYING. A SMALL PART OF HIM JUST DREADS HOW THEY’LL FARE AGAINST HIM AT HIS BEST.

AND ON TOP OF THAT?? HIM HAVING TO RELEARN IT ALL *OVER AGAIN??* AND HAVING TO ACTUALLY WORK TWICE AS HARD BECAUSE HE BROKE THEIR TRUST ONCE ALREADY????? I KNOW IM PARROTING YOUR WORDS BUT OHHHH MY GOD. IM INSANE. IM INSANE.

———

[For me, I’ve personally headcannoned it as Dusknoir being aware of his own strength. He always calculates how gentle he should treat a certain Pokémon. So he ends up having to hold back a LOT. And no one notices.]

[…Expect for Ribbon’s and Aimilios, that is.]

[They always see the slight worry mixed with concentration in Dusknoir’s expression as he gauges just how much pressure he can use when handling them. And the two always thank him for doing so.]

[In which, Dusknoir assures them that it’s nothing. It’s not like he actually cares. He’s just doing it to gain their trust more. Nevermind the fact he reminds those two to be careful. Or come to him if they sustain any really bad injuries. Or how he’s extra gentle with them specifically. It’s nothing.]

(…Is this setup for them recognizing him holding back during his fight? Is it angst potential for when those two realize just how easily Dusknoir could’ve offed them all those times they were alone with him..? >:3 maybe.)

[posebean]

letting it leave mutual circles heres my rinky fic idea enjoy

niki gets into an accident (because of rinne) saving him or smth like getting hit by a car and so then nikis seriously injured and wakes up in a hospital covered in bandages and his arm in a sling but no memories at all not even his own name rinnes there when he wakes up and is breaking down into tears and then nikis just like. im sorry but. who are you? and rinne just stares and is like niki are uou joking

niki: niki? is that my name

rinne:

and then rinne leaves the room and niki is so confused because 1. he has no idea who he is and why he was in a hospital all beaten up and 2. he had no idea who that red haired man was and then out of exhaustion and painkillers he passes out

the next time he wakes up himeru and kohaku are there n help him out . explain to him a bit about who he is, take him out of the hospital. red haired man from earlier is nowhere to be found niki feels like he dreamed that whole scene. himeru and kohaku dont mention rinne at all idk why because if rinne wanted something stupid they wouldnt but well. gotta advance stupidity somehow i guess

its a whole thing of niki finding this red haired man trying to befriend him but rinne just acts like theyre strangers out of pure guilt and horror because the love of his life was literally on his deathbed because of him (he wasnt rinnes just being a dramatic bitch)

but theres still the fact that niki got hurt because of him and now has no memories except for standard motorskills and etc and a little innate stuff for cooking but like. no memories memories. no relationships or feelings.

and everyone at es is careful around niki because he doesnt remember and hes probe to migraines as if hes trying to remember but just cant and also for some reason he feels like a part of him is missing and he gravitates toward that red haired man he thought he hallucinated after running into rinne in the halls on coincidence one day and rinne just. tries so hard to push him away and it explodes into a whole rinne-kun why are you pushing me away i just wanna get to know you the way you act its like we knew each other before i lost all my memories

and rinnes like you dont want to know me and its better this way you really wont like scum like me and nikis like bro what are you talking about first ur saying were strangers now ur saying we do know each other and have for this whole time and rinne is like

you were my star but i put you out with my own hand lets leave it at that and then runs away and now niki has even more wuestions unanswered than answers and its a whole game where niki slowly pieces together from things scattered around his apartment, vague memories of someone else's life, something with Rinne and hes like oh and idk the chase continues until he finally corners rinne and is like rinne-kun i might not be the same anymore i might not have any memories of you at all but now i know is that the me in the past was the most dearest to you and i know you feel like you are the reason hes gone and feel the need to punish yourself but i dont think hed want that he pushed you out of the way of that car for a reason i may not be the same, i may not have the memories that we used to share. but i know that deep down i still have that love for rinne-kun. id like to get to know rinne-kun again. that sweet brute of a man that the past me loved so much. i want to relearn every memory ive forgotten, every memory that is important to rinne-kun. maybe one day ill messure up to the past me again , maybe ill be whole again, rinne-kun, will you help me remember and then rinne fucking bawls because he hasnt cried at all in front of niki during this and was only in complete shock or cold apathy (while himeru and kohaku watch him sob in private and are like. u fucking idiot stop doing this n hes like no i ruined niki he'll be betyer off without me )and cue tender moment where hes like niki doesnt have to get any memories back i will love him no matter what, no matter the cost even if the world burns and we all change that will always stay true. and nikis like but i wanna rember if these memories are so important to rinne/kun they must be important to me too i dont know if ill ever get all my memories back but i at least want to know the memories that rinne kun loves so in case rinne-kun loses his memory i can be the one to remind him of the memories he holds so dear

[rodolfoparras]

Awful news I woke up with a tummy ache D: I am not the toughest soldier pls no more tummy aches🙏

Completely unrelated to anything we've been talking about but I just saw a girl make a sad edit about Lee Pace (actor) being married to a man😐 bro was crying over him being in a happy relationship because it "ruined my chances of being with him" 😭💀 absolutely insane, can not imagine crying over a stranger being happy in a relationship

I can't think of much to say tbh despite like having a pot more info about ocs to share D: heartbreaking💔 but !!!

when 7 and Gojo eventually meet, it's extremely awkward to first. They're both just staring the other down😭 Gojo is extremely pissed that people tried replicating him AND that innocent kids were tortured for the experiments :( he feels really bad for 7 and wants to connect but 7 clearly isn't ready for that

7 mostly just hangs around Nanami, relearning things he forgot after being held captive for so long or learning something entirely new ! He found out he absolutely adores coffee and Nanami gets him one everyday when they stop at their fave bakery before Nanami drops 7 off at Jujutsu High ( 7 did not want to stay in a dorm there so he lives with Nanami )

-🌱

Oh no sugar bee I hope you’re feeling better today!! Tummy aches are the absolute worst but I’ve found that massaging your stomach and putting a hot water bottle on it does the trick no matter what the issue is!!

This is what I’ve been talking about!!! I do not understand why straight women mourn the fact that an actor is gay like you were never going to be this man anyway?4?4?4😭 and then they’ll say things like that and still make het fics for canonically gay characters 😶

I think it would be sweet trying to see gojo connect to 7, genuinely that man cares sm for the kids he takes under his wing, no matter how it may seem and I know he’d be heartbreaking learning about 7s history and he’d bring little trinkets and what not to 7 just to form some sort of healthy bond!

But I think it would do a lot for nanamis loneliness to have someone like 7 around! He’d be like the kid he never had and they’d get to do fun stuff together!

[csuitebitches]

How do you detach from things that are not meant for you or no longer serve you? I've trained my mind and been telling myself about this but something in me still holds onto it.

Detachment is something that I’ve been exploring for years. I’m not a pro at it, but I will share what I’ve learned.

Detachment doesn’t mean you stop caring or the whole “I don’t give a fuck attitude.” I think that’s why a lot of people struggle with detachment because they try to achieve the wrong meaning which is humanly impossible. How can you not care at all? Is that even possible? If you manage to achieve that then you must be in a vegetable state.

Detachment, my guru told me, means you can have possessions - but do not be possessive of them. Think over this sentence for a bit; how do you infer it?

I grew up as a very sensitive, very emotional child and teenager. I was very emotionally swayed by things and I would get hurt very easily. I didn’t know how to detach in a healthy manner, so I tried certain things that ultimately worked for me.

Number one is admitting the truth as it is. Let me give you an example. My last serious relationship was over 3 years ago. It wasn’t a bad relationship, we just weren’t compatible.

Whenever people asked me why we broke up, I’d blame him. It was him. His fault. He said this. He did that.

But for a couple of years, (even though I wasn’t in love with him anymore), I still couldn’t somehow close that chapter.

For me step one was admitting that yes, he messed up, but so did I. I wasn’t any less to blame than he was.

Thinking this way initially messed me up a lot because my ego and anger was so entangled with this situation that I couldn’t bear the thought of me being wrong. I had to unlearn that.

That’s what detachment is to me - learn, unlearn and relearn.

Step two in my case, was actively working towards being a better person - noting down my weak areas, what I bring to the table, etc. I stayed single for years. I didn’t date seriously after and I still haven’t, but a few initial dates I went on - I knew I was a better person as a partner than what I once was.

Step three was time. Closure takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. There were often times I’d feel stabs of guilt, shame or embarrassment at my past behaviour - but I would continuously tell myself, I’m better now. I am a better person now. I don’t wish badly on him at all.

Step four was being able to talk about it to my friends. It took a lot out of me to say that I knew I had messed up. My friends were supportive of me, because they knew it was hard for me to admit something like that.

Detaching from things takes time. To detach, you really have to connect to your inner Self.

In the case of people. Love should be without attachment. We fall in love with people, get possessive of them, attached to them, affected by them - we have made them a bigger priority than anything else. We don’t trust them enough to step back and love them without attachment because we fear that they will break our heart or abuse our trust.

In the case of situations. We get emotionally attached to certain situations - a much yearned job position, a need to have a certain lifestyle, an ex partner- we place some of our identity in these situations.

“I want the job” or “I want to project a certain image of luxury” - there’s a need, a want, a desire. When we don’t receive what we want, it’s painful because we are attached to that.

How do you connect to your inner Self?

I turned to spirituality. It helped me heal, it helped me grow. It’s still helping me find myself and guide me.

Here’s a spiritual article that helped me.

Remember, everything is a process. Find what works for you and stay consistent.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hi so hoping i can get some temporary advice... (uncomfortable joining servers, not at point i can share w therapist lol.)

a few weeks ago we decided to test if we were actually multiple/being influenced externally by suppressing switches as much as possible, deleting all mentions of alters like their art, names, pictures they saved but host didn't, etc. Bad news: Switches continued to happen, but now with more identity confusion and stress! 🙃 so we're fed up with that and want to be able to actually Be Ourselves now. Problem: we forgot how to. Before, it was sortof automatic- we knew what we looked like and who we were, but after that "test", we don't know who's who, who wants what. Like we're stuck masking as the same one person. We don't know if someone is new or coming back, and its majorly confusing. Do you have any ideas on how a system can solidify themselves and be more confident after masking? (please give advice that's traumagenic/cdd centric.)

Oof, sounds like you’re in a pretty tough spot. Our host spent much of our life suppressing the rest of us, and it has caused great harm and left scars that we’re not sure will ever heal.

You likely already know this, but in case you or anyone else doesn’t, suppressing alters and taking away their agency and autonomy can have devastating consequences. It can build walls, destroy trust, decrease communication, increase identity confusion, solidify masking, and cause headmates to harbor hurt, resentment, and anger against the one suppressing them. Undoing something like this will take time and patience!

We ourselves are still working to unmask and actively undo the harm our host caused in the past, and here’s how we’re going about that:

- accept each other at face value, no strings attached.

As each alter relearns who they are and is given the opportunity to explore their identities, they may act or look different than they used to. They may feel comfortable acting or looking similarly to other alters. Don’t hold each other to old standards, and don’t attempt to control or dictate how your alters present or choose to live. Accepting alters as they are means accepting them along with their identity confusion, along with the masking and everything else. It’s okay for alters to exist this way. Trying to force someone to change will only make things worse.

- provide alters with a wide variety of options for self expression.

Create spaces for your alters to express themselves, be it in journals, notes, or art, through online means like social media, websites, and blogs, or in other ways that will benefit your system. Allow each alter to have input and share what could allow them to explore their identities and express themselves freely. If you have the means, let different alters experiment with new hobbies and fashion tastes. You can start small, like getting a hat for a particular alter or setting up a System Google Doc, and take baby steps from there.

- make regular attempts to communicate and hold conversations.

Even if it feels forced, or fake, or one-sided, or hopeless, or anything else. Don’t. Stop. Attempting. Communication. Communicating is the most important way to build trust within the system. It may feel wonky or awkward at first - it’s crucial to push through this stage. Try communicating inside by projecting thoughts and see if someone responds. Leave notes for your alters in your journals, notebooks, and documents. Reassure them that you care and want to handle things better in the future.

- adopt an inner tone of voice that is compassionate to yourself and your alters.

Alters can often pick up on tone inside. If you’re treating yourself harshly, snapping or lashing out at yourself, holding yourself up to ridiculous expectations, and beating yourself up for simple mistakes… chances are, your alters are picking up on that. Having a mean inner voice can make alters wary of speaking up or expressing themselves. They may feel like they have to pretend to be you in order to avoid getting hurt. Treating yourself with kindness will ultimately help you treat your alters with kindness, and treating each other well is a great way to maintain a safe, comfortable environment inside.

- seek outside help for accountability.

If you’re out to anyone about your system, maybe share your difficulties with them. Ask them to help call you out if they notice you denying your system or invalidating your alters. It can be hard to commit to positive change by yourself, so having some support may in turn help you better support your system! We’ll always advocate for therapy (and a therapist could really help you navigate this!) but anyone could probably help keep you on track, whether or not they’re a mental health professional.

- set up a safety plan to avoid something like this in the future.

Work with your system to come up with a safety plan. This can be unique to your system, and can outline what you can do to prevent yourself from suppressing your system or falling back into old habits. Set up measures to prevent yourself from erasing or deleting evidence of alters - respect their boundaries, space, and creations! Leave reminders for yourself around to let you know that your system is real, your alters have value, and if you’re in a safe environment, there’s no need to mask or attempt to hide the others.

This is in no way an exhaustive list, but hopefully it’s enough to get you and your system started in the right direction! We really know learning to unmask and return autonomy to alters can be quite challenging. We believe in you, though! Thanks so much for reaching out - best of luck to you and your system with everything!

🌸 Margo and 🐢 Kip

[bluiex]

WHEW BOY this is a long one hello!! a new anon (me!!) has entered the battle with the need of some motivation for a scarian wip that has been in my docs for ((smirk smirk)) ages. probably . the next logical step was to finish and share my brainrot <3 but I’m terrible at keeping myself motivated so I wanted to share it with u!!! see what you think so far!! im also always open to ideas or criticism!!

basic rundown but it’s really just…romanticizing the idea of exes…getting better after taking some time apart…then awkwardly encountering each other and relearning how to love each other again…with none of the toxic. nasty stuff and just. fluff . also some sillies of course with boatem sharehouse, oblivious pals, and of course. pining scarian (always happy to go more into it if it sounds confusing!!)

=

Surely Scar noticed. He'd be a fool not to recognise his ex. Well. Maybe he was? A fool, that is.

He had done stupider things before - though somehow that was never a dealbreaker for Grian. Oddly enough, he usually found it endearing and definitely had his own faults that Scar greatly admired at the time and…

Hah. Look where that got them.

Grian shook his head to himself — no! No feeling sorry for yourself! It’s just - it’s easy for the mind to wander when the something you’ve been avoiding is suddenly at the bottom of the staircase and…

Scar’s hair had grown longer.

Grian bit his own tongue and his cheeks flushed. He was such an idiot sometimes. His face was feeling warm from…embarrassment. That was it. (He justified to nobody but himself)

It was something they used to do. Cut hair, that is. It was an intimate moment— things were said that could have never been taken back. Trust was exchanged. The backyard, the cicadas, and Scar’s hair, slowly getting shorter as Grian continued to ship at it. Scar insisted they take one of the stools outside so they could bask in the sunlight, and they had laughed when the stool ended up wobbly against the cobblestone and grass. Scar fell on his face a resounding two times.

Though the sun was actually nice. It surely didn’t give him a reason to go shirtless but - Grian inhales a chuckle - stopping himself before it comes out. In the past, he reminded himself.

“Be careful,”

Scar had told him, a laugh bubbled up in his throat. He looked absolutely enamoured with Grian.

“I’m always careful.”

Honestly.

He remembers the feeling of his hands running through Scar's fringe, short and usually styled though came out a little curled after a thorough rinse. Scar squirmed under Grian’s touch, so much so he ended up accidentally giving him a cut with the scissors.

(Scar still had the adorably stupid cat bandaid on the last time he saw the back of his neck, peeling at its ends. Surely, the cut would have healed completely by now.)

Then that irritating smell of conditioner and shampoo stuck in Grian's nostrils for the rest of the day. They weren’t living together; hadn’t quite considered it but bantered and daydreamed about the idea of it, so there was that after-shower smell. It was new to Grian - honey scented. With a dash of citrus.

He doesn’t…constantly think about it, but if honey did give Grian headaches and butterflies, then well…that’s a secret he’d bring to his grave.

Running a hand through his own hair, he couldn’t help but imagine Scar's. His hair back then was shorter than Grian's now, and his own bangs didn't feel quite right — it wasn't the same texture as Scar's. He continues to take another bite of the nutrition bar before feeling the weight of an empty wrapper crumpled up in his hand. Grian stared at it for maybe just a moment - his will to continue moping dying out.

finally picked up some courage to share this….hm don’t know why I was so intimidated

I have to say first, i absolitely ADORE your writing. oh my goodness- it's so amazing! and this idea? I LOVE IT. I'm a real sucker for the whole exes find each other again and fall in love all over again, but this time it's better. cuz theyre not toxic/immature anymore.. so good so good.. I would kiss you on the mouth /p if you finished writing this. The way you write the emotions, and describe the scene? OUGH beautiful, i can feel and see it in my mind

[eternitas]

... Sorry to add onto this but this time i didnt want to just leave it in the tags.

I think sharing experiences can be healing in a way so here is mine.

My mother loves me more than anything in the whole wide world. So much so she believes that it was her purpose in life to be my mother. You guessed it, she is a bit of a helicopter parent.

But she was also raised and lived in belarus, brainwashed to believe russian propaganda. She doesn't speak belarus anymore, she watched putin tv for years and build a sense of pride in an identity as russian, that is like one or two steps into full fascism. The problems we have are a lot and political talks are incredibly taxing.

But she loves me and I know that. She doesnt realize her bigotry but she notices when she hurts me and she has tried her best in the past 10 years to get better. Even if it is hard for her to face that she can not treat me as her picture perfect daughter doll that will be a housewife and bear children bc that was what she dreamed of.

Her "daughter" will stay with her now fiance and both do not want children. And while yes, this is our decision, she has a hard time coming to terms and balancing her own worldview with her love for me.

She supports me where she can, she wants to make sure that i am safe and have a good life and she works hard so she can ensure especially financial support for me which is so crucial in late stage capitalism. She wants me to be happy, but it hurts.

It hurts that in small ways she still lets me unwillingly know that she wishes different for me. It hurts to know that I could come out as genderfluid with a new name and more leaning he/him pronouns to my school and my friends but not to my parents.

Every time i spend time with my family i feel like i regress back into a forced female role that I am not fully comfortable with. Its like I am relearning how to be my true self every time I leave my parents vicinity again.

But I can also see that she tries.

She does suppoet me, she doesnt make as many weird comments anymore about me and my fiance, she doesn't bring up the topic of children all that much anymore and she never ever stopped telling me that she loves me more than anything and that she will support me no matter what.

I think thats why it is hard for me to... Just cut ties. It hurts, it hurts so much, but she also shows that she is changing and willing to adapt even if it is hard for her. And that makes it... Impossible for me. A happy ending feels so so close and in arms reach that I can't really give myself a definitive reason as to WHY i NEED to leave her.

Especially when our relationship keeps improving in a sense.

The damage is done. I likely won't be able to tell my mum about my identity anytime soon, I am still careful WHAT i say around her, I am careful not to start discussions I know will only hurt me. I will never truly have an unstrained relationship with her.

But I was also never kicked out. I was never sent to conversion therapy or actively set up with another partner. I was never called sinfull or locked up, i was never beaten-

But it doesn't need that.

It just needs my mum mindlessly saying that my sis and I should just marry some rich guy and be set for life! Only for me to remind her that I am very very happy in my current relationship.

It just needs my mum telling me that your "family" will always remain and you can always rely on them, while friends and partners come and go.

But my mum loves me

I feel like we always see parents who are 100% super supportive allies, or parents who are horrible and cruel.  At least in media or in the most popular stories.  But I feel like that ignores just how many people have parents where you just have no idea?  And even if you think they’ll accept you on a surface level, you don’t know if they have a breaking point.  Especially if you need to go on hrt, or request they change the way they think about and refer to you.  Sure they’re liberal and all, or centrists, or “tolerant”, but how far does that stretch?

I think most closeted LGBT+ kids live like this, wading around in the grey area.  I’d like it of more of us knew that was normal, I’d like if we talked about it more.

[miku-nt]

What I've Been up to

Hello! I've been really inactive and haven't posted anything in more than two weeks so I just wanted to get out what I'm doing and how I'm feeling right now.

I believe I've talked previously about how I get overstimulated easily and how I was taking a brief break from my hobbies so that I could refocus and calm down. I started that break about three weeks ago now and I never really felt any better so as of right now I think it's best if I just start back up with my hobbies and try to push through it.

Participating in my hobbies is my main way of getting out of bad moods so It can be pretty hard for me to feel ok when I get in that overstimulated state. If it has been this long I think that forcing myself to participate is probably the best course... Sometimes it is hard for me to tell if a bad mood is causing me to not be very active or if not being very active is causing me to have a bad mood. Life is difficult like that.

In the mean time, while I work up the motivation to unpack more of my collection and start writing again, I thought it would be a good idea for me to just briefly write about what I've been up to recently as a way to ease myself back in. Of course, I haven't really done much due to my mood but there are still some things I could write about and every little bit of effort helps so here we go!

First of all something completely off topic: a few weeks ago I reposted something from an account I like talking about how everyone should be careful of the heat and make sure that they are staying safe. I really love things like that where you can tell that the creator genuinely wants everyone to be safe and take care of themselves so I couldn't help sharing it, but now thinking about it I would like to keep this blog as a place for just my thoughts so I'll likely remove the repost. I just felt like mentioning it here because of how much it made me happy and also because it is a genuinely important reminder! Just a few days after seeing it I was being completely unsafe and ended standing in the sun for more than an hour. I got really sick suddenly and I just feel the need to remind people that heat stroke can occur very quickly and that you should genuinely take extreme caution while outside during extreme heat!

Recently, I've read a lot of romance comics. To be honest, it's mainly because my TikTok recommends a lot of them to me. Typically I try not to use TikTok that much as it always has trouble recommending stuff that I'm genuinely interested in but occasionally it actually understands my tastes and I get addicted for a few days. I haven't read too many comics/manga but I do really enjoy the cheesy romance stuff. About a year ago I got really into Komi Can't Communicate and bought the first few chapters and read them a couple times over, but reading all of that cute stuff makes me super excited which tires me out so I wasn't able to keep up, although I would still consider myself a fan. The series I just got into is called "Crossplay Love" and it's about two crossdressers who are just completely in love with each other. It is super cliche and on the nose but it's also adorable and I just can't help but love it. I read through every currently translated chapter online and am now considering actually ordering all currently published parts as I definitely prefer actually having physical copies. I'm also considering getting back into Komi Can't Communicate while I'm thinking about it.

Now for something actually on topic: I got the recently released Miku tamagotchi and have been having lots of fun taking care of her. I had a tamagotchi when I was younger but I was never a huge fan so I had to relearn how to take care of her but she ended evolving into Magical Mirai 10th ver, which is apparently the, like, "perfect care" version so I'm super happy about that.

Ok now I'm pretty tired so I'm going to stop here. It feels really nice to write again. In the next few days I definitely want to write more. The Miku Expo 2023 costume contest winner turned out super cute and I would love to talk about her. Also, the Polaris scale finally got a painted prototype and she looks gorgeous. She was in my top three most anticipated figures so I'm super glad she will be up for preorder soon. I would also like to focus on unpacking but that is something that takes up way more of my energy than it should so I want to make sure I'm ok to do that. I'll try to start small today and if everything goes well I'll hopefully post about it later and finally be able to start arranging my shelves.

Anyway, that was kinda just me writing anything that came to my head just to get my motivation back up so it ended up being way longer than I meant for it to be, which I guess is a good thing. I promise I'll try to be more active in my hobbies but I also have to make sure I'm not pushing myself. Even through it can be hard sometimes, I'm actually really glad I get so excited over things, it's way better than not having anything to care about. It just is sad it causes me to get so tired.

Thank you so much for reading, if anyone does. I typically just try to focus on posting stuff for my own sake as I enjoy doing it and I like looking back on them, but I have to admit that is does make me happy when my posts get interactions. I don't really expect this to get much as it is kinda just me rambling and I'm not going to tag it but seeing people actually like my posts is super cool. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my stuff. Love you lots!

[purple-babygirl]

Oh oh what about Bucky's little staying over at Steve's for the weekend cause Bucky is busy. She's being a brat but whenever Steve calls Bucky to show him she's a Angel. So Bucky sneaks by unexpected & sees her being a brat

Word Count: 2,901 (i tried to cut it short, i tried, but i'm hopeless when it comes to soft stuff)

Warnings: ddlg dynamics, and angst i think? the rest is fluff

A/N: Nonnie, thank you so much for sending this and sharing your idea with me. i hope i didn't take too long and i hope i didn't disappoint?:" please enjoy xx.

Alternative ending

~

bratty angel

“Give her the phone, would you? I missed her,” Bucky requested, desperate to hear the little one's voice.

“Quick question while I still have you though,” Steve scratched the back of his head, not sure if he should tell Bucky.

“Yeah?”

“What do you usually do with her if she's being a little.. troublesome?” Steve didn't want to get her punished; he just wanted a way to deal with her behavior.

Steve obviously knew he could punish her the small punishments, like no screen time for a day or a timeout, but he didn't want to. She already seemed to dislike him enough, he wasn't about to make it worse. He didn't want to punish her but he also couldn't take all the brattiness and backtalk.

He was a kind uncle and he actually enjoyed being around her. But her behavior has been driving him crazy this time and it needed to stop. He knew she didn't want Bucky to leave this time and was most likely punishing Steve for telling him he could take care of her while he was gone. She probably thought Bucky would've stayed if there was no one to tend to her during his absence, and she had Steve to blame for it.

“Being what? What did she do?” Bucky's angry voice asked from the other side of the phone, and Steve could picture him narrowing his eyes.

“It's nothing major, Buck-”

“What did she do, Steve?”

“Well, uh, for starters she says no to almost everything even if she's eventually gonna do it anyway. She knocks stuff over when I don't do what she wants and pretends it was an accident,” Steve stopped and sighed, “she's giving me a hard time and it all goes away when you call!” Steve almost whined.

He sighed again when Bucky went silent, knowing she'd really get it now but she didn't exactly leave him much of a choice.

“I'm gonna handle it. I'm sorry, Steve,” Bucky said, sounding pissed.

“Hey, it's all good. Hold on, I'll give her the phone.”

“Yeah, please do.” Bucky wasn't as excited to talk to her anymore.

He could hear Steve softly calling out for her to come talk to Daddy and her feet hitting the wooden floor as she came to the phone. What he didn't hear though was a thank you to Steve.

“Dada!” Her happy voice spoke and Bucky couldn't help but smile a little.

“Hey, doll! How've you been?”

“Been good, dada. Missed you,” she sighed, pouting.

“I missed you too, baby. Are you behaving for Uncle Steve?”

“Yes, daddy,” she lied all too quickly and Bucky clenched his jaw.

“Good girl.”

~

“Sweetheart, please get in your skirt,” Steve sighed again, holding the item of clothing low for her to step into.

“No.” Her naked leg kicked the mini skirt from Steve's hands before she crossed her legs and leaned on her bed.

“Don't make this hard now!” Steve rubbed his face in frustration.

“I'll do what I want. You're not my daddy,” she said stubbornly before snatching the skirt off the floor and slipping it up her legs to her waist. If she looked messy, she didn't care.

When she turned around to leave the unorganized room, Bucky was standing there with the biggest scowl on his face. Her heart stopped and her world froze. How come they didn't know he was arriving today? How come they didn't hear him come in?

“Dada,” she whispered in mixed fear and shame, making Steve look up, a look of utter relief washing over him when he saw his best friend.

Everything was about to get better now that Bucky was here, including her temper.

“Is that what I taught you, little one?” Bucky's tone dripped of disappointment.

“Dada.” Tears quickly came to her eyes as she saw the letdown look in Bucky's.

“And here I was thinking you were my good girl, returning home early to see you.” Bucky shook his head at her.

“Dada, I am your good girl. I am,” she begged, walking closer to him, but Bucky didn't reciprocate.

“Dada, I missed you.” She went to hug Bucky but he stepped away. She tried to hold his hand and he slipped his fingers out of her grab.

“You don't get to welcome daddy home after you've disrespected Uncle Steve like that, little girl,” Bucky told her, his frown not disappearing, only deepening.

“Dada, I'm sorry.” Her lower lip trembled.

She’s missed Bucky so much. She was touch-starved because she hadn't given Steve a chance to come anywhere near her all weekend. She refused to let him hug her, kiss her, or carry her. She was distant and bratty and rude. She needed Bucky's warm touch but he was far too mad at her.

“I'm not the one you should be apologizing to.” Bucky crossed his arms, looking at Steve behind her.

“Uncle Steve, I'm s-sorry,” she mumbled quickly, without even looking at the blond man, moving to hug Bucky again but he still wouldn't let her.

“Dada,” she called, tears leaving her eyes.

“You have to mean it, little one.”

“Daddy, I mean it,” she whined. It frustrated her little heart that Bucky kept calling her little one. He only did that when he was mad at her; too angry to use a pet name.

“Enough lying already!” Bucky raised his voice and she flinched.

“I'm not going to talk to you or touch you until you've made it up to Uncle Steve. Until then I'm gonna pretend I haven't come home and saw what I just saw.” Bucky left her room, walking over to his and slamming the door behind him.

He didn't normally choose to be hard on her; she was his baby doll, but what she did with Steve was just unacceptable. Bucky couldn't let her get away with disrespecting anyone, especially Steve, not after witnessing it all himself.

He'd thought it over on his way home. If he spanked her or took her favourite things away, she'd dislike Steve even more, if not hate him. Bucky couldn't give her more things to blame Steve for or more reasons to refuse him.

~

“Sweetheart,” Steve called, feeling bad after Bucky left and she stood by the door frame and started crying.

He didn't really want Bucky to punish her; he just wanted to know how to deal with her bratty behavior. He just wanted a way to communicate better. Steve never intended on making her cry. Bucky surprised him with that punishment.

“'S all because of you. I hate you!” She cried harder, throwing herself on her bed to hide her face in the mattress as she sobbed.

Her words broke Steve's heart to tiny pieces and he felt even worse now that Bucky was here. His mouth opened but no words came to him so he closed it again. He gathered her clothes from the floor and hung them back in her closet before leaving her to cry it out, giving her some time.

~

“I'm so sorry, Steve.” Bucky shook his head, embarrassed by her behavior towards his best friend.

“Hey, it's alright. I know she's a good girl; she just missed you.”

“You know I missed her too but she can't just get away with such stuff,” Bucky sighed, taking another sip from his beer.

“I know.”

“Dada.” She entered the room after a good crying session, rubbing her puffy eyes.

True to his previous words, Bucky didn't answer her, swallowing the lump in his throat with his beer. He couldn't give in.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Steve responded instead, not wanting to leave her hanging, which made her pout in annoyance.

Like him and Bucky had agreed, if she wanted anything she'd have to go to Uncle Steve for it and relearn to use her manners.

“Dada,” she called again and got the same reaction. Bucky pretended he wasn't there.

Tears gathered in her eyes again and she hid her face in her hands and began crying. The sound shook Bucky's heart and he almost broke and forgave her.

“Hey, hey, no, it's alright,” Steve cooed, immediately coming to her side.

He hated this. Once he got her to stop crying he was going to talk to Bucky about calling it off. He didn't care if she was bratty or bad-mannered, he just wanted her happy again.

Steve led her back to her room and sat down on the bed beside her.

“Daddy's never gonna speak to me again!” She sobbed and Steve's heart ached for her.

“Sweetheart, please don't cry.” He gently patted her back.

“Can't you just tell him I said sorry and I mean it?” A pair of teary eyes implored Steve's blue ones.

“I will, but no more tears, okay?” Steve quickly agreed, wanting her to calm down.

“You will?” She wiped at her cheeks and Steve nodded with half a smile, his thumb catching her new tears.

“You'd lie to daddy for me?” Her red eyes widened.

“I'd do lots of stuff for you.” Steve chuckled.

“Like what?” She mumbled, sniffing and wiping her nose before Steve grabbed her a tissue off the bedside table.

“Like let you pour your milk on me and pretend it was an accident.” Steve smiled fondly, dabbing the tissue on her wet cheeks and under her nose.

In that moment as she looked up at the man with tear-filled eyes, her little mind seemed to recall all the ways she'd tortured him all week. She'd disobeyed nearly everything he'd told her and he still didn't hurt her or even raise his voice at her. She'd 'accidently' dumped all the salt in the salt shaker on his dinner. She'd dropped his phone on the kitchen counter multiple times after talking to Bucky, adding to the cracks on its screen. She'd wet him and got soap in his eyes during shower time. She'd constantly knocked stuff out of his hands whenever he held them out for her. She's been a real demon. If it was Bucky he would've punished her in every way in the book. But Steve didn't. He didn't make her pay for any of it and he was ready to lie to Bucky to save her bratty, ungrateful ass from having to endure his silent treatment.

“And then you leave?” She wondered.

She saw Steve's face fall at her question. She really did hate him, didn't she?

“And then I leave.” He still nodded with a kind smile.

“But could you not though?” She whispered, playing with the ends of her mini skirt.

“What?” Steve looked at her in surprise; he must've heard her wrong.

“Don't leave,” she told him, clearer this time, awkwardly extending her hand to touch his.

“Sweetheart-”

“I'm sorry, Uncle Steve,” she started tearing up again in regret, “I didn't mean to be so bad.” She shook her head and cried.

“Aw, sweetheart, it's okay.” Steve hugged her to his side, smoothing a hand on her head.

That was all he needed to hear.

“You know I like you, right?” She asked, sniffing in his shirt and Steve chuckled.

“Yeah?” He asked cheekily and she nodded, silently crying.

“Yeah, you make the best cookies, but don't tell daddy,” she said and Steve chuckled, “I'm sorry.” She cried more.

“I like you too, darling. Don't cry now, we're good.” He assured her, holding her closer to him and gently patting her back.

“So you’ll stay?”

“If that's what you want.” Steve's thumb wiped her tears away as she nodded again.

She wanted to make things up to Uncle Steve like Daddy wanted and Uncle Steve deserved. She wanted to show him she truly was a good girl.

“On one condition though,” Steve said playfully, slipping her hair behind her ear.

She looked up at him, waiting for his next words.

“You let me take care of you like I was supposed to.” Steve's face was serious. It was all he wanted all weekend.

“Okay.” She nodded, smiling tearfully.

How kind was Uncle Steve and how blind was she to not see it!

Steve kissed her forehead and smiled down at her, wiping the rest of her tears away. He adjusted her skirt before they walked back out hand in hand and he sat her down on the couch beside Bucky, who on his turn pretended she wasn't there.

Was Bucky curious about what happened in there? Yeah, he was. But he wasn't about to ask her. He was just glad Steve has got her to stop crying because nothing hurt more than seeing her pretty face all sad and teary.

Steve prepared her snack and came back. He lifted her on his lap and handed her the plate before grabbing the remote to turn on her favourite afternoon show.

“Thank you, Uncle Steve,” she whispered shyly, kissing the man's cheek.

Steve smiled and kissed her temple, rubbing her back as he encouraged her to eat, even feeding her a couple of times and she let him, thanking him every time.

Bucky raised an eyebrow at the scene unfolding beside him but still held back from interfering or interacting with her. He was still mad and she needed to prove herself good again. He bit back a smile, pressing the beer bottle to his lips instead.

~

As the day came to an end and Steve put her to bed, she was keeping her 'please' and 'thank you's up, using her manners just right and Bucky would secretly, proudly grin every time she did.

“Would you please tell daddy I said goodnight?” She asked Steve, trying not to cry again before bed. She'd wished he'd forgive her by bedtime but he clearly didn't.

“I will, sweetheart. And I'm sure he wishes you a good night too,” Steve pecked her forehead and she smiled.

“Goodnight, Uncle Steve.” She pecked his cheek before resting back, pulling the covers to her chin.

If Bucky was listening, he made no effort to let any of them know.

~

The next morning Bucky was the same, still giving her a taste of her own medicine. She wanted to cry again but didn't, focusing on fixing things with Uncle Steve, whom she'd been awful to.

“Uncle Steve, please come with me?” She held onto Steve's wrist while he stood with Bucky in the kitchen.

Steve mumbled a 'sure', tilting his head in confusion as he followed the shorter girl.

She sat him on her bed and stood on her tiptoes till she reached her pink piggy bank on the upper shelf on her wall.

She walked to Steve and put the small safe in his lap, “I thought all morning long,”

“What's this, sweetheart?” Steve eyed the object before looking at her.

She smiled sheepishly before shaking the safe left and right in his lap, “to fix Uncle Steve's phone.”

Steve's heart soared in his chest and he remained speechless. She waited for him to take the money but he didn't.

“'S a lot of money. Dada gave me some to keep with piggy every day,” she assured Steve, taking his big hands and wrapping them around the pink safe, wanting him to accept it.

“Sweetheart,” Steve mumbled, setting the piggy bank on the bed before holding her to his chest.

She let herself be squished in his embrace as she stood between his legs, not really understanding what was happening, but at least he wasn't mad at her.

“You don't have to do that.” Steve shook his head before kissing her head.

“But I wanna make it up to you, Uncle Steve. I can't take away the salt in your food or the soap in your eyes or the milk on your pants-” She stopped and pulled back and her smaller hand cupped Steve's cheek, “do you wamme to wash your pants?”

Oh, how precious! She spent her morning thinking about ways to fix what she'd done to him. And she wanted to give him all of her savings to fix his phone. She was even ready to try and clean his pants. She was such a kind little one.

He’d done it. She finally likes him. Steve was beside himself at the progress. This kind of connection with her was all he ever wanted and it made him forget about whatever evil things she'd done during that weekend.

And on the other side of the wall stood a very pleased Bucky.

~

When they walked back out to the living room, Steve was beaming as he helped her up on his lap. Her body was facing Bucky’s as she leaned onto Steve’s chest. She looked at Bucky and when he looked back she cast her eyes down in shame.

“Come here, doll.” Bucky beckoned, opening his arms for her.

She grinned happily, jumping into them as he lifted her to straddle him. She wrapped her arms around Bucky's neck, burying her face in his shoulders and smelling his scent. Steve smiled, satisfied with their reunion.

Bucky wrapped her up tightly in his arms, pressing a longing kiss to the side of her head, “I missed you too, doll. I missed you so bad.”

“I’m sorry, dada,” she sniffled, clutching Bucky’s shirt.

“I know, doll.” Bucky pressed his lips to her forehead and let the kiss linger there.

In each others' arms, now both, her and Bucky, were really home.

[its-hai-time]

Ok it's time to share my notes about my Apollo Justice 2 au. I have to call it an AU because I do not have the skill or capabilities to make it an actual fangame but I WISH I DID.

The title is still a work in progress so I just call it Apollo Justice 2. Also I'm transcribing these notes from literally 15 pages of physical notes that I wrote by hand.

Fake cover art :)

(putting the cut here because this is going to be even longer than my last post about this)

To reiterate, this takes place about a year after the events of aa4.

So, aa4 gives us an interesting place to pick up from, seeing as the last case of that game was introducing the jurist system.

It's best to explain how I've decided to interpret the jurist system permanently joining the court system because it does change some of the structure.

To fit the jurist system in the courts, some changes had to be made to the way the law is handled. Because a full jury of people is handling each case now rather than one judge, the culprit does not necessarily need to be found. The focus will be entirely placed on the defendant. Your case simply has to win on the grounds of whether or not you've made a good point for your client's favor. This doesn't mean you can't find the true culprit because it wouldn't be an ace attorney game without the breakdowns, but the culprit will be found much more through Apollo's personal inability to stop until a case is fully solved.

This jurist system change was made to give Apollo even more personality regarding his cases, and it also makes it easier to change up the ace attorney format in very meaningful ways.

It also makes the courts seem a little more realistic, although I don't care about that for the most part. I don't mind the plot holes in these games because I enjoy them for their story and characters. I think that the people who get genuinely upset with how the courts work are missing the fundamental point of these games. The jurist change does make sense, but it also throws a wrench into a lot of things and I've made the executive decision to allow that wrench to hang from my strings because it doesn't really matter. This is Ace Attorney. The courts have always been a mess and they will always be a mess. AA4 introduced such an interesting concept and I will play in this space, God dammit!

I also think having to wait on the verdict for the jurists to deliberate adds an extra bit of drama. The stress of not knowing if what you said was enough. It's a fun idea and I like to imagine Apollo and Trucy waiting in the defense lobby stressed out of their minds.

Now, I can move on to the first case of the game.

I think how I'd stage the tutorial in this case is: this is the first case with the jurist system fully implemented and Apollo has to relearn how to go through a trial. The specific changes the jurist system has caused will be explained and I think Trucy would end up having too much fun re-explaining everything ("you can access the court record at any time-" "I know what the court record is!")

I think that in this first case, a true culprit is never found. Thanks to the jurists, the client is found not guilty, but there seems to be a lot of missing pieces. The real murderer is still out there.

I want this case to hang above every other case in the game, and every case in the game to connect back to this one. Seemingly chipping away at the mystery of what really happened. Eventually the final case should wrap back around and solve this case once and for all.

This doesn't fit anywhere so I'll just mention it now: Klavier isn't present during the first couple of cases because he's started his solo career and is currently on tour.

Also since Trucy got the rights to her family's tricks, she's practicing and planning for a huge magic show. Tickets are literally sold out, it's regarded as the return of the Gramaryes.

Our second case has one of Trucy's school friends as the defendant. The victim could be the owner of a bakery that her friend had frequented, and maybe the owner had some shady business that might connect back to case 1.

In this case we meet our new prosecutor.

Prosecutor Destiny Atlas is the prosecution for this game. And she seems to have some sort of connection to case 1 (despite not having been the prosecutor for that case). Each case she heads seems to be an excuse for her to keep chipping away at the mystery of case 1.

The first time we meet her is when she confronts Apollo and Trucy in the defense lobby before the first trial. She's quite hard to read, seemingly stone faced and speaks with a tone that's difficult to discern. She seems to have a lot of connections, enough to already know that Apollo and Trucy had investigated behind the detectives backs (or at least bribed Ema). ("I've gotten word of a couple of rats on my crime scene yesterday." "R-rats!?")

Now the fun thing about Destiny is she actually has a co-counsel. This is because we've never seen the prosecution have a co-counsel and I think it's a good idea to set her apart from all of the other prosecutors.

Her co-counsel is her personal assistant and wife, London Atlas. Apollo and Trucy meet London during their first investigation, she's very bubbly and sweet. Very easy to read and a very good contrast to Destiny. They don't realize she's connected to Prosecutor Atlas until the trial starts.

Here are their designs (if I don't change them up later)

I wanted this au to seem like a genuine game pitch, a game that Capcom might make and release so I limited myself a lot when it came to writing the romance. Klapollo is not canon in this au, neither is narumitsu, and the way I rationalized Destiny and London is by saying that they are very professional and they practically don't get any coupley moments. Not to say I'm shoehorning in the lesbian rep here- they're still very clearly in love and they clearly respect each other and have a very healthy relationship. It's just the nature of the games being told in Apollo's perspective means that we will almost exclusively be seeing these two while they are at work and thus acting professionally.

Another thing about these two, is that they are both visible from the prosecutor's bench. This is because I thought a cute detail might be that Destiny doesn't emote much in court and so London does the emoting for her. Such as if you point out a contradiction, Destiny won't seem affected but London will be the one sweating.

In the second case specifically, I want to establish that Destiny has an insane amount of connections all over LA. This should culminate in her knowing literally all of Apollo and Trucy's evidence before the trial has even started. Apollo and Trucy don't realize that she knows until the end of the trial when they've presented everything relevant and she has had a counter argument prepared for each evidence. This means that Apollo has to scrape through the trial on deduction and argument alone, no big game-changing evidence to flip everything on its side. Apollo has to come to a conclusion fast, and Prosecutor Atlas won't be pulling any punches.

This idea is specifically made to rectify my main complaint with aa4, the fact that everybody else seems to lead Apollo to the correct conclusions rather than him connecting the dots himself. I love Klavier, and I love that he drops the hints for Apollo to find, but I want a case where we get to see Apollo hold his own. The introduction of the Atlas' means that I can finally get my Apollo smart boy case.

The defendant being Trucy's friend allows us to see her a bit more desperate than usual, jumping onto the leads faster than Apollo can.

Her personal involvement here is important, she is desperate to prove her friend innocent, she's seen how scary it is to be tried for a crime you never committed. She's still joking around, and keeping up her sunshiney persona, but she's a lot more keen on investigating than usual.

It doesn't help that London and Prosecutor Atlas seem to know something that they don't. Seemingly pulling Apollo and Trucy along by the strings. They have some sort of motive for taking this case but for the time being they don't know what.

Ema should stay consistent for this case. Prosecutor Atlas doesn't really seem to care if she lets Apollo and Trucy investigate the crime scene, so Ema still gets to help out and give us a forensics mini game. Keeping at least something consistent within this case is very important to keep the right atmosphere.

After the first trial in case 2, Apollo and Trucy get much more secretive about the evidence they've gathered, they managed to get by in the trial that day but just barely, and Apollo would much rather have the evidence on his side.

The first trial should leave some unanswered questions, and something shouldn't be adding up at this point.

During the second investigation Apollo and Trucy should get to talk to London again. She can explain that Destiny doesn't tend to come to the crime scenes herself, so London tends to be the one to oversee investigation in her place. We get to hear about her and Destiny's relationship and how they respect each other a lot both personally and professionally.

Court proceeds as usual, Apollo finds the true suspect and solves the case, awesome!

Prosecutor Atlas doesn't seem to mind losing. Maybe her and London talk to Apollo about any new cases he's taking (none, but the thought counts). London noticeably does more of the talking.

I'm not entirely sold on my concept for case 3 but my heart tells me that this is the one Klavier gets arrested for. He had just gotten home from tour and is immediately behind bars. Talk about TOUGH LUCK!

Calling back to that huuuuuuge magic show Trucy is going to have soon, she's too busy practicing incessantly for it, and so that leaves Phoenix (currently still studying for the bar) to co-counsel for this case.

I enjoy the idea that Phoenix being the co-counsel for this case is a silent way of saying that he doesn't blame Klavier for his disbarment. And also bringing Phoenix on investigations means a lot of good hijinx and the fact that he's so good at being so secretive means that Apollo can get some information to genuinely blindside Prosecutor Atlas.

This case here is an authentic return to form, a true ace attorney case.

Not only this, but Phoenix and Klavier finally get to have the conversation, Klavier can finally apologize for Phoenix's disbarment and Phoenix can finally tell him he doesn't blame Klavier for his disbarment. That he was just a kid just doing his job/ what he thought was right. How his life didn't end the moment he was disbarred, he's studying for the bar again. How he had learned a lot in the seven year gap and even if he wanted the past to change that's just not possible.

During this case I'd really like to get a bit more backstory on Klavier, whether or not he has parents, childhood memories, and just how growing up with Kristoph affected him.

I think Apollo in this case would be fun to explore, because it would be fun to show him caring much more about Klavier's wellbeing than he thought he did.

To reiterate, I won't make Klapollo canon in this. I ship it a lot, and Klavier will absolutely be flirting with Apollo, I just simply want to keep it to a realistic ace attorney game. This means that while there will be a lot more Klapollo moments to work off of, the ship itself will remain entirely subtextual.

As for Ema in this case: I think she would be fun to explore as well, first of all we will finally get her and Phoenix to interact again, and during her mini game I want it to feel a little nostalgic for them both. As for Klavier being in prison, I want to have her be in an even worse mood than usual, especially when the leads are slow. I think she and Klavier have an unlikely friendship and she is genuinely worried for him, not that she'd ever say that.

The case eventually has to tie back to the first case AGAIN, uncovering even more of the mystery. Having Phoenix with us in this is useful too because of just how well and quickly he thinks.

Case wraps up all good :)

The fourth case takes place at Trucy's huge magic show.

Something goes wrong and Trucy ends up in the hospital. There's also a MURDER so Apollo has a case to take. Phoenix is busy looking after Trucy, so who's going to investigate with Apollo???

Klavier Gavin.

It might be weird having a prosecutor as your co-counsel, but look at what Edgeworth did in Trials and Tribulations and tell me that this isn't perfectly in-bounds. Whatever the reasoning Klavier is Apollo's co-counsel and I am so fucking sold on this.

This case should tie back to the first case the most. This also being the case to wrap up Prosecutor Atlas's story. Her connection to the first case can finally be revealed, and it's a huuge thing. Good good prosecutor moment :)

The final pieces to the first case should be found, and the case can FINALLY be solved.

I kind of like the idea of the client from the first case actually having been guilty, there just wasn't enough evidence to prove that they were guilty at the time. I think all of the pieces should fit together within this case and they should finally be caught. Now, I don't think they're the client in the fourth case, but maybe a witness, or maybe they get roped back in by Apollo indicting them on a whim.

This is fun mainly because we've only ever defended a guilty client once before. It's obviously a thing that the writers were previously willing to do, but it hasn't been explored since then. Not in the trilogy because once was enough to get the point across, and not in Apollo Justice because it would have thrown off the formula way too much for a game that was already a huge change.

My theory for why it hasn't been explored since aa2 is that an idea like that died as soon as they started writing Dual Destinies. They wanted a zero spoiler, zero previous plotline, simple story. So they introduced another brand new defense attorney and prosecutor and gave them a story completely contained to that game and let that backstory die as soon as they started writing aa6. They didn't want to take on complexity and nuance in their characters. They wanted to skate by using a well known cast of characters and a bunch of gimmicks.

Another thing about Dual Destinies I am abandoning completely, "the dark age of the law." It's horrible. Literally Dual Destinies did nothing but rely on gimmicks. Fuck you, aa5.

As for if we learn anything about Apollo's backstory, Maybe. We could maybe play around with the idea of Apollo's father, though I'm not quite sure if I want to explore that at all. It could stay up in the air, not everything needs answers.

Apollo and Trucy finding out that they are siblings: also maybe. There is absolutely room in the fourth case for Apollo to piece that together, and I think the drama of a moment like that would be awesome. Many details of this idea are very foggy.

That's honestly true for this entire outline, very basic things to touch on, and literally no details of the cases themselves. A very bare bones structure here.

I think that's all for my Apollo Justice 2 pitch?? This is at least all of the notes I have. Feel free to add on to this in the notes I guess. Send post.

[rere-the-writer]

hey!! If it’s not too much to ask, could I request a kol x reader where the reader is a witch and a doppelgänger? Like somehow the reader and Elena are both doppelgängers, but after Klaus broke the curse the reader was able to live a fairly normal life in New Orleans, that is until Esther comes back. Maybe because of Klaus’ presence in Nola the reader has allied with Marcel for protection, resulting in her befriending Davina and encountering the newly resurrected kol? Kol attacks her when he sees her because he thinks she’s Elena, but when she overpowers him with her magic he realizes she’s not Elena. They eventually become friends and start to develop feelings for each other maybe? I hope that isn’t too specific. I really just would like something a little angsty and fluffy with witch! Kol. I really admire your work. It’s very uplifting and comforting, especially, your kol content. He’s my comfort character but I’ve exhausted the supply of fluffy kol fics 😅 Thanks! Make sure to take care of yourself, love ❤️

I'm glad you like my Kol. Time for some fluff for my baby boy.

Warnings- Fluff, Kol be simpin', A bit of angsty

You had been living in New Orleans for a year now to be away from Katherine and Elena as you were a different doppelganger and still carried the Petrova family name. You were a powerful witch and didn't care that Elena was like your long distance cousin because of the bloodline you shared.

Once you had heard Klaus was spotted in Mystic Falls, much to Elena's disappointment you got the hell out of dodge not wanting to be used by the Original as you knew your family's history with the Mikaelsons. Marcel had took you under his wing much like Davina as you help teach the younger witch to control her magic.

You were angry that your life had been fucked over because of Katherine but after Klaus broke his curse you were able to life a normal life in New Orleans that was until a pregnant wolf and Esther coming back.

"The Originals are in town be careful." Marcel told you knowing if Klaus knew of another doppelganger you would be in danger. But Elijah knew about you as he came to you about Davina and you managed to tell him she wasn't a threat.

"So your family has history with the Mikaelsons?"

"You could say that De."

You could feel Esther's magic as it was heavy in the air even more after Davina told you she brought back Kol. It happened in a blur you were held against a wall by your thoat.

"You killed me litt...." Kol was cut off holding his head as you looked down at Kol with a glare as your hand was in a fist.

"I am not Elena, vampire." You growled as Kol felt like his head was on fire as the pain was unbearable. Kol could see that you may have the same face as Elena, your hair was cut short and curled as you got tired of people mistaken you for Elena or Katherine.

"I see....that....now....you're a powerful....witch." Kol panted as you let him go and Kol couldn't help but stare at you. You were attractive and Kol cursed to hisself now seeing what his brother's saw in the Petrova women.

"And you are annoying Kol Mikaelson."

"Forgive me but I don't know your name."

"And you won't." You say walking away leaving Kol laying there as he got up before deciding to ask Elijah.

"You ran into Y/N Petrova?" Elijah questioned his younger brother putting down his book catching Klaus's attention. Kol had got to Elijah to see if he knew anything and was glad.

"Yes so she is a doppelganger?"

"Yes, it surprised Niklaus when Katherine threw her under the bus. Y/N is the last pure blood Petrova witch." Elijah says as Klaus smirking sitting down remembering when he found you on the third day of him being New Orleans. Unlike Katherine and Elena, you didn't fear Klaus as proven when you made his heart stop when he tried taking you from Marcel.

"She is a little feisty witch. Rebekah likes her better than Katherine and Elena which is saying something."

"Oh?" Kol said standing smirking as Elijah and Klaus knew that smirk this crazy boy was going to try to date you.

"Be care Kol. If Marcellus doesn't kill you then she will."

When you got a call from Klaus saying he needed a powerful witch to weaken the hybrids under mother's control you thought he would talk to Davina.

'I need a Petrova witch love.' Was what Klaus told you and you walked into the compound annoyed when Kol smirked following you up stairs.

"Any plans this weekend?"

"Non of your business." You said annoyed hoping that Kol would have lost interest in you by now but the wildest Mikaelson just fell harder with every name calling and magic sent his way.

"Maybe I could take you out."

"No." You told him glaring but it didn't stop Kol from trying to ask you out or buying you flowers and gifts.

"De! I AM IN LOVE WITH AN IDIOT!" You shouted one morning scaring Davina when you came into your shared apartment. You founded yourself falling for Kol which to you was an idiot and didn't know why. You spent the day ranting to Davina that you couldn't love Kol because he was a Mikaelson and you were a Petrova.

"Hello darling."

"What do you want idiot?" You asked working on a spell to help Elijah when Kol had came over and stepped up behind you. You looked up at Kol and your breathing hitched seeing how close he was and your eyes flickered to his lips.

"I was....hoping that...you would finally. " Kol muttered leaning in as your cheeks flushed moving in also and his lips were on yours. The kiss was explosive as sparks flew and you moan against his mouth kissing back.

"Does this mean you like me and we can see one another?" Kol asked sounding unsure his cheeks tinted red as you smiled softly for the first time since he met you.

"Yeah, you goof." You whispered as Kol brighen kissing you again and let out a whine when you pulled away.

"I need to finish this spell." You tell him letting the vampire cling to you watching you work.

It didn't take Marcel and the other Mikaelsons to notice that Kol and you were seeing one another a lot more. You had managed to mellow Kol out as he now turned all of his focus on you. But one thing you and he agreed on was not tell anyone that he proposed eight months into your relationship as you both didn't know how Klaus would react.

"Cute place."

"What do you want Katherine? I thought you didn't want to be anywhere near Nik?" You questioned walking in to your apartment seeing Katherine sitting in a chair drinking your good wine.

"You cut your hair."

"What do you want?" You asked glaring as your magic was stirring up as Katherine huffed before spotting the engagement ring on your hand.

"You're engaged?"

"Yes now Katherine what do you want?!"

"Fine....I need help and you are the only powerful witch I know. Elena had turned off her humanity and I know you have a spell to get her to turn it on."

"Since when did you care about Elena?" You questioned pulling out your grimoire as Katherine watched you huffing sipping her wine.

"The brothers are boring and all angsty over it. It is annoying but I hear you and Kol are a thing."

"That is non of your business." You tell her getting to work then dropped a small bottle in her hand.

"Have Elena drink that it'll compel her to turn it back on." You tell Katherine as she smirked thanking you before leaving and while she was at it sent a text to Klaus that you were engaged to Kol.

Klaus was angry when he learned of you and Kol ever more angry when learning that Kol was going move out of the city with you after your marriage. In Klaus's eyes you were taking what was his while both Rebekah and Elijah was happy for Kol.

"Go warn her. I'll hold Niklaus back." Elijah told Kol hearing Klaus growled throwing things. Kol was quick to head to your place which smiled brightly seeing him walking in.

"So what kind of cake....Kol are you okay?" You asked seeing how terrified your future husband looked. Kol cupped your face tearing up as if to commit your face to memory.

"Nik knows and is coming for you....you need to run and hopefully he'll calm down and we can marry."

"Kol.....I....don't want....to live...like Katherine had.....please don't." You whimpered as he kissed you gently and helped you pack. That night after using magic to hide your tracks, Kol went to blows with Klaus while Katherine suffered at the hand of Elijah when he learned the vampire was the one to ruin Kol's slice of happiness.

"Come on Elijah, the little witch could use so....." Katherine was cut off when Elijah slammed her against a wall hand warped around her thoat.

"If Y/N dies in the hands of Niklaus, I will not be merciful Katerina."

Four years you were on the run visiting Kol's favorite places which made you feel closer to the Original while learning new magic's getting stronger. You sat in your London flat watching the snow falling gently while unconsciously playing with your engagement ring while thinking about Kol.

"Darling can you let me in?" You heard Kol ask making you rush to the door tearing it open letting him. You jumped up into his arms kissing him deeply pulling a deep moan from Kol.

"You're here! Oh my god I missed you. Never again idiot." You said inbetween kisses as Kol smiled looking up at you with adoration.

"I missed you too darling. You did a better job at hiding than Katherine."

"Wait.! But Klaus?"

"It took three years but Elijah and Rebekah calmed him then I spent a year looking for you." Kol said kissing you again as he took you to your bed relearning one another's body.

"You kept it."

"Yeah....ask me again." You tell him taking the ring off as Kol slipped out of your bed getting on one knee.

"Please marry me? You gorgeous, beautiful woman that I would be honored to be her husband."

"Yes....a thousands times yes." You said tears falling as Kol smiled putting the ring back on your hand. Kol rushed up kissing you again as you both fell back into the bed.

"I love you, my beloved."

"I love you too, Kol." You whispered back as you both finally got to be happy.

[missjaystone]

“Don’t Wake Up”

Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x Reader | Bucky Barnes x Reader Summary: Work keeps you busy. That's why as long as Steve's gentle and doesn't wake you up, he's free to do what he wants while you sleep, but what he wants is his best friend to feel what he feels. Word Count: 1,800

Trigger Warning(s): Somnophilia, NonCon/DubCon, Drugging Please DO NOT ignore trigger warnings and read at your own discretion.

Life was unpredictable, anybody who knew exactly how their life would go was either omnipotent or the most boring being alive. Early on you learned to roll with life's punches and that's how you were where you were right now. A top SHIELD agent trusted with a great deal of knowledge and an almost insane amount of clearance, working closing with the Avengers. You rose thru SHIELD's ranks fairly quickly, especially for someone of your age. You were mid-level when they unfroze Captain America. You were one of the people entrusted with the task of helping Steve warm up to this new 21st-century society, pun not intended.

Once the initial shock of being thrust into this world had worn off, you and Steve developed a comfortable and vital friendship. You two spoke multiple times a day and saw each other frequently. The two of you were together so often, people used to joke that if one of you was around, the other wasn't far behind and they usually weren't wrong. It was no secret nobody was surprised when Tony loudly made a scene when he saw you two sharing a New Year's kiss. Tony shouting "I knew they'd end up together! I fucking knew it!" to everyone on the Avengers team and a handful of SHIELD agents wasn't how you two intended on exposing your relationship, but life is unpredictable.

Things around you gradually became more complex but that wasn't a surprise, you just kept rolling with the punches. The battle of New York happened, Ultron happened, Hydra's infiltration of SHIELD happened, the team grew, the entire situation with the Sokovia Accords happened, the complexities already on your plates multiplied. Of course, you stuck with Steve thru everything, you never stopped having faith in him. There were a handful of times where you could've turned and stopped fighting but how could you abandon your Captain? You loved him. Over the years all the fights, all the curveballs, everything wore on you both and the two of you had to change with the times and adapt to your surroundings. You were both changing before each other. There were times where you didn't see each other for weeks at a time; Steve would get busy with his missions around the globe and you had a mountain of SHIELD files to deal with; drives that had to be decrypted and stored properly, reports that had to go to a dozen different people, agents to recruit and review, clips to scour with minute details.

Things got a little bumpy when Bucky came to stay at the tower; Steve trying to help his oldest friend get accustomed to everything and you helping any way you could. You couldn't bear the thought of telling Steve when you started to feel uncomfortable around the brunette. The lingering stares, the prolonged hugs, the borderline-peculiar conversations; you brushed it all off. This was a man who spent 70 years as a mind-controlled assassin, he had everything ripped from him and now he had to readjust to modern society. He had to learn how to form relationships again, he had to relearn everything so there were bound to be moments of discomfort as he navigated his way. In all of that, however, you missed the small frowns and brooding moments he had whenever you and Steve were being overly affectionate together. He'd never do anything about it though, you were Steve's. He'd had his fair share of ladies back in their time but you were Steve's girl, you made Steve happy and Bucky couldn't-wouldn't take that from him.

When your workload multiplied again, you weren't as available as you used to be and it wore on Steve a bit. He and his super-soldier stamina had gotten used to a certain level of intimacy that wasn't happening anymore. It came to a head one night when Steve was in the mood but you were too tired to even pretend. Your words were mumbled as you snuggled against your pillow but Steve heard them loud and clear "do whatever you need to get off, baby, just don't wake me up." He asked if you were sure and got a hum in response but that didn't entirely suffice. He gave your shoulders a small shake until you turned to look at him. You looked tired and were so close to kicking him out of bed "Stevie, do whatever you want just please let me sleep."

You two still had sex other times, they were more intimate and personal though. In a mildly humorous way, that seemed to boost your relationship some. You'd wake up the morning feeling surprisingly peaceful for a few minutes before your work to-do list came to mind and Steve found out he enjoyed the idea of doing something he wasn't supposed to. He'd made it into his own little game; how much could he do without waking you up?

Tonight, you had your nose buried in your computer screen and papers were strewn across the bed; you were already exhausted but you still had a number of things to finish. You were pulled out of your hype focused state when the bed dipped beside you. The blue-eyed man offered you a cup of water with a sweet smile "come on, I haven't seen you drink anything in over an hour." You thanked him with a quick peck before taking a long and much-needed drink, thanking him when you set the nearly-empty cup back down.

Time felt like it began to drag on slowly, heavy tiredness slowly enveloping you throughout the next hour. You didn't even realize you'd dozed off until Steve was gently laying you down, pulling the blankets over you. "Steve, I still have work to do," you forced yourself to mumble, everything just felt heavy. "You can't even keep your eyes open, finish it in the morning," he said softly. He hushed you when you tried to object "Captain's orders, doll." You couldn't argue with that. Literally, there wasn't an ounce of strength or a grain of energy to fuel a disagreement. You were out like a light in a manner of seconds.

The blond stayed snuggled up beside you, stroking your hair soothingly to lull you into a deep sleep. No more than ten minutes had passed before the door opened and closed without a sound. An unsure Bucky stood by the dresser with his hands in his pockets and spoke quietly "are you sure about this Steve?" He nodded "I'm positive, Buck. I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't sure about it. I see the way you look at her, you deserve happiness too y'know." Bucky started to question him but Steve stopped him "she'll love you as much as she does me, Buck, it'll take some time and subliminal messages but she will."

Bucky looked at your sleeping form in thought, you were a nice person; you were smart, helpful, genuine, charming, you made him feel normal. He'd never be normal but if having you made him feel that way, who was he to pass up the opportunity? He quickly shed his pajamas while Steve moved your bottoms down. They'd been planning this for what felt like ages and they knew there'd be no going back, but it gave them a chance at a future they got to actually choose.

A thick silence filled the room as Bucky moved slowly to hover above you, lining himself up at your entrance with a slightly-shaking hand. With one last confirmation look from Steve, he slowly eased himself into you. He bit his lip roughly to keep from groaning and wake you up. The crushed-up Valium in your water should've kept you from waking up at anything but he wasn't taking a chance and getting too caught up in the moment. He finally broke the silence with a mumbled groan after finally bottoming out. Bucky's eyes fell closed and he stilled to savor the feeling, almost cumming right then.

Very slowly, he started to pull his hips back before pushing back in just as slowly. He continued like this for what he thought was ages and when the only response from you was a mumble here or a moan there, he slowly picked up his pace. Steve was in heaven watching the scene unfold in front of him. There was a slight pang in his chest for betraying your trust and not only letting but encouraging his friend to use you but he had a plan, a plan he was confident in. He started off palming his throbbing erection over his sweatpants before eventually pulling them down and fisting his member. There were a few moments where both stilled in fear when you stirred before settling. Bucky finished first, his hips jerking briefly before they stilled, a satisfied groan leaving his lips as he moved some hair out of your face. Steve finished when he watched him slowly pull out and came with a muttered 'fuck'. Steve quickly grabbed a few tissues, handing some to Bucky to clean you up while he took care of himself. Once the evidence was removed, the men shared a tight hug. Bucky actually looked a little more like himself now, he looked the slightest bit happier and more at peace.

In your unconscious and drugged state, all that you really felt was a sort of tugging pressure but you couldn't open your eyes. You heard voices conversing quietly after the pressure was completely gone and you felt the bed move as somebody got up. Despite your best efforts to listen, you couldn't make out the words. It took all of your strength to open your eyes even slightly but you could've sworn you saw a brunette figure leaving the room. There was no time to process it before your eyes fell shut again and you were entirely asleep.

You still felt a bit groggy when you woke up in the morning but nothing seemed out of place. Steve was quick to appear with a couple of mugs of coffee, handing you yours before he took a seat. He planted a sweet kiss on your temple. When you didn't say anything after taking your mug, Steve looked you over "are you feeling okay, doll? Are you coming down with something?" He asked, some concern in his eyes as he placed the back of his hand to your forehead for a temperature check. You finally took his hand and kissed his palm, sending him a smile "I'm fine, baby, just a little groggy is all. Crazy dream is all." Steve smiled sweetly at you “wanna talk about it?" An image of Bucky on top of you flashed across your mind and you shook your head “I don’t even remember what it was about.” You kissed his cheek softly and smiled. After all, it was only a dream.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 7 June ‘21

Liam’s podcast with Steve Bartlett is out and while I still don’t care about that guy I’ll give him this-- he does great at getting out of the way and letting Liam talk. And boy does Liam talk! Liam says A LOT and let’s all just pause to send him some big hugs before we get into right? And then look to the future- Liam’s routine is to say ‘things have been terrible but it’s fine, it’s fine NOW’, always, even when that is absolutely obviously not true, and today is no different but for once I actually believe some of his hopeful bits too which is so great! I hope things really are shifting for him and I can’t wait to hear this new song of his. But there’s a lot that’s hard to hear too, oh Liam. He said that he and Maya have broken up (so yes, presumably why he just moved again such a short time after they moved into their haunted house), talked about his struggles with his alcoholism (and said he’s been sober for a month right now, go babe!), shared the usual distressing stories about his time in the band and what that was like for him (and how it still impacts him), and he talked about his new song and how it feels different for him than his past solo music. Truly though there is SO MUCH more than I can get into here or then you can get from the UA highlights- I HIGHLY recommend actually watching at least parts of the video, also because the attempt to summarize so much erases all the charm and humor, of which there is much. If you don’t think you want to watch Liam’s interviews, it has to be because you aren’t watching Liam’s interviews, they’re delightful! Plus really if you care about 1D and want information about what it was like for any of them, listen to Liam, he’s the one who’s out there talking about it.

About Maya he said, that yes, he is now single, and “I’ve just been not been very good at relationships,” and “I’m a proper perfectionist… at the start of the relationship you put out this complete false character like I might as well go in in costume, I’m like putting out something that is not there... kind of like encompassing someone else’s life with your crap rather than just doing your thing and laying out your store from day one. That’s my biggest problem is that I feel like I don’t lay out my store... and then I’m annoyed when they don’t like what I like,” and “I think my problem is I struggle to be on my own sometimes... I dive in and out of relationships too quickly. I’ve not spent enough time on my own to relearn about myself.”

He laughs about his tendency to ask his manager things during interviews; “My fans think that Steve is doing something to me, they’re like liberty for Liam because he always looks to Steve, but that’s because I like him. It’s not because he’s harming me as a person. There’s like a hashtag Liberty for Liam because they think I’m some like prison child,” and he also said “my manager’s my best friend,” (and he’s said in the past he is a big support for him) and mentioned stuff they’d talked about recently around his therapeutic awakenings.

He talked about therapy being something you have to want to do and be ready to do rather than being pushed into, like getting sober, and says that this time around with his own therapy work he’s really felt that and thrown himself into it and he talked a lot about his relationship to therapy in connection with band days. “I mean one of our old managers went to therapy from being a manager of One Direction. So if you can imagine how that feels like the rest of us definitely need some.”

“We were young,” he said, “What I found was I didn’t know I was the boss until like a few months ago, I still don’t even feel like I am now, like I’m such a child. And everyone I work with now is older than me and wiser than me and I’m like what the hell am I doing here with these people. When we were 17 I thought the security guard was like in charge of me so I was like Can we leave the room? No? Oh ok then,” and “when we were in the band, the best way to secure us was just lock us in our rooms. And of course what’s in the room? Minibar. So at a certain point, I thought Well I’m gonna have a party for one and that just seemed to carry on throughout many years of my life... You know I spoke to somebody about this in child development as a teen, the one thing you need is freedom to make choices. That we could do anything we wanted it seemed from the outside but we were always locked in a room at night and then it would be car, hotel room, stage, sing, locked. So it’s like they pulled the dust cloth off, let us out for a minute, but then it’s back underneath again,” and “the day the band ended I was like thank the lord for that. And I know a lot of people are going to be mad with me for saying that, but I needed it to stop. It would kill me.” Anyway, he said, because it wouldn’t be Liam without an upbeat coda, “I don’t want any of this to get lost in translation. I’m not 100% moaning about my life... it’s had its ups and its downs, but I would rather talk about it and it’s therapeutic for me.”

And what about that exciting new song? Liam said, “We have a really cool song in the pipeline... one of the first ones I’ve actually written myself- with some other people, I didn’t write it by myself, but it’s the first one I’ve really liked. And I think I got so used used carting around other peoples songs and not embedding myself creatively in what I do because I was so scared to find out who I was,” and “I don’t really know how I would tour again. I really want to” [on discord today he said he would be touring next year] “I always said throughout my solo career I’d let my song book speak to me. And I don’t think my song book spoke to me to get off my ass. I only became a solo artist because I had Strip That Down. I wasn’t gonna do it, I was gonna leave it alone. I was like, I survived it once thank you very much- but I’m back in now. Because the song, I knew it was right. It felt right with that song, I hadn’t had that. This year, the song we have I feel really really great about. So I’d rather let the music do the talking than me come out and force it. We don’t need any more useless music in the world, it needs to mean something,” and he mentioned the new song on the discord a lot too, most notably picking out a long comment that thanked him for making the fan feel supported and safe and for “putting your heart in everything you do” and for his support of the LGBTQ community to respond to with, “I think you will really like the new song.”

A few other random bits, he said that he thinks there should be a system to make therapy available to musicians in the industry, “I think I’m definitely gonna get a dog because I need routine,” and “I recently started jujitsu,” yeah you and everyone else huh, so do him and Louis and Oli go to the same gym or ???, and he acknowledged that as an addict he may have just transferred that to working out “but there’s a lot worse things to be addicted to then looking after yourself” hmm but he does seem to say that he’s doing better around body image stuff; he talks about having put on weight during lockdown and seeing himself in the BAFTAS performance- “I saw myself... and I was like ‘oh my god I’ve completely let myself go in this’. And it was fine...I feel so much more secure in myself now.” Oh and that he’s written a comedic movie script “based around AA” and his experiences there, such as how “I had a really weird AA experience the first time that I went. My first experience was with Russell Brand.” LMAO yes! Cannot wait, bring on auteur Liam please! Anyway as if ALL THAT wasn’t enough he’s also dove into the lead up to his NFT release; he said “I'm almost ready to share my NFTs with you guys... Who wants to see them?” and posted a tiny preview that tells us its (their?) title for the first time- Lonely Bug.

Niall and Anne Marie perform on Jimmy Fallon tonight, and the hype is already a go! I guess it’s prerecorded, as we’re already seeing pictures from it; they’re singing to each other with the cute car from the video in the background. Niall signed on to a letter to Boris Johnson asking for changes to music streaming revenue rules and signed by 232 artists (including all the artists Johnson recently named as his favorites, haha). Zayn signed on to a Billboard petition to the US senate calling for gun safety laws. The bar Zayn got into the fight in front of posted “Zayn's a regular at Amsterdam Billiards and he is a true gentleman. On Thursday night he was confronted by an inebriated passer-by outside on the street and was called a homophobic slur. We support Zayn & condemn homophobia in the strongest terms!” And also PS omg again because it just isn’t going away: Harry’s beauty company is called Pleased As, his name is Harry Edward Styles so yes when listed last name first, as legal documents do, it spells SHE but it is not a “feminist abbreviation” (WHAT? even??) nor the name of the business.

[noobsomeexagerjunk]

"MAKE THE SERVER BETTER. This is what I need to do."

An Analysis on Ranboo's Philosophy and Vision for the Dream SMP

One of the most consistent traits about Ranboo is his inconsistency, especially in his beliefs and choices, all influenced within the moment.

Now I was thinking back to when Ranboo had that explicit desire for a "happy family" when it became clear to us that he and Dream seem to share similar goals and desires for the server. It's been a few months since that stream, and Ranboo's gone through some changes as a character. Through experimentation, he relearns and rediscovers himself, most of it away from us particles. He now has the experience to choose people more discriminatingly, having a gauge on who still believes and/or benefits from his optimism and those who don't.

With a better grasp on his more persuasive and ambitious self, as well as a slightly stronger spine, I am going to attempt to make sense of what Ranboo's opinions most likely must be by now, having been in the server for half a year now.

1. "You have to think for yourself sometimes."

(from Ranboo’s first conversation with Slimecicle, 06/18/2021)

So you know how Ranboo is an anarchist, or at least identifies as such, at least within the context of the Anarchist Syndicate, right?

One of the most significant things we must pay attention to is Ranboo's anarchist tendencies. Based on his general experiences but particularly his conversation with Slime and his initiation to the Syndicate, Ranboo cares heavily about personal autonomy and the right to self-expression and self-preservation. His aversion to factional sides was initially derived from the existing factions he was exposed to being unfair and demanding of its members, as reflected in his experiences in New L'Manburg.

It's upon further inspection that these sympathies constitute his concerns over People. It's why he fights for and sides with People in general, as a concept and principle.

2. "Why can’t I have friends on opposite sides?!"

(from Ranboo’s Pre-Doomsday speech after the Community House confrontation, 01/05/2021)

Something Ranboo also believes in is the idea that everyone is valuable and capable of many things unique to themselves. Therefore, he recognizes and gives (as much as he could muster) care to Peoples' needs, concerns, and beliefs, most especially when he is demanded of it by whoever asks of him. He values loyalty toward friendships and relationships in their base form, as opposed to causes. (Especially relationships made from and because of causes.)

Another reason why Ranboo despises factional sides, especially the ones he was a part of, is that these sides' own beliefs and principles believe themselves to be above the other and vice versa. Ranboo's ability to recognize two (if not more) sides of an argument leads him to value both sides to such an extent that he believes one is not above the other. To him, People—individuals with inherent value and free will—are more than the causes—whose necessity changes over time and can only be a solution to specific, changing problems—they believe in.

3. "When the leader gets corrupted, then...we'll see what happens."

(from Ranboo's monologue after speaking with Ghostbur on the topic of killing Dream, 03/15/2021)

Something of particular fascination is Ranboo's dislike for leaders as a concept, a belief shared only by Technoblade and the rest of the Anarchist Syndicate. For them, and Ranboo, leaders are at the end of the day People. They are infallible and capable of making wrong choices. The very concept of a leader, too, suggests superiority in the ability and the dependence on only the causes of that leader, chosen or not. To them, no one should be above or below anybody. A leader creates that distinction.

An ideal SMP for Ranboo is one without leaders, where one's choices and manner of living, as dictated by their beliefs, is not above one or the other. In comparison, many characters who have expressed their visions of an ideal Dream SMP all have a leader in them!

We have Dream, who wants a server that fits his specific vision and needs and desires, a server that serves him, with his and only his vision of an ideal SMP—one where he has total control over all of the server. A less extreme version of this is held by the de-facto head of the neutral Badlands, BadBoyHalo.

Characters like Quackity, Schlatt, and Jack Manifold all believe in the concept of adherence and obedience to order and law as means to get something done. It also makes sense why these three also have a history of being quite literally Presidents of countries, whether corrupt like Manburg, discarded like Manifoldland, or ambitious like Las Nevadas.

There are also other leaders like Wilbur, Eret, and Tubbo, who have a partiality to order and leadership. The difference with them is that they believe in relative leeway in priority towards the ruled-over people. They believe in an SMP wherein a leader and their people share a mutual obligation towards each other's benefit and progress. Whether a cause that can help should be involved may be of consideration too, because as far as I know, these three mastered each of the 3 facets of the Greek art of persuasion:

Wilbur, in particular, is a heavy advocator of the use of cause in leadership, hence his use of speech to give rise to emotions, aka pathos.

Tubbo leans towards common sense and reason, having a tendency to use logos.

Eret is partial to a more general sense of righteousness, therefore basing many of his actions on the character of the people around him and having a strong focus on their and their subjects' own ethos.

4. "Who am I?" "I am somebody who stops conflict."

(from page 12 of Ranboo's current memory book)

Despite these differing ideas on what is good for the SMP, the one thing everyone has in common is that they all want a server where peace, to their standard and contentment, is achieved.

For Ranboo, this means no Conflict.

Bear in mind that he admits in his pre-Doomsday speech that Conflict can never be truly eradicated, acknowledging that personal conflicts between individual persons are still bound to happen.

Though, as stated in his various monologues in regards to killing Dream (particularly when he was grieving Tommy and after talking with Ghostbur) the Conflict he desires to get rid of is the big, overarching kind.

These are Conflicts that disrupt the happiness of, if not all, significant numbers of People. Conflicts that perpetuate a cycle of unnecessary violence, conflicts that escalate from the pettiest of disputes, conflicts rooted in a refusal of a person/faction/cause to simply coexist with everyone else.

This is Ranboo's major goal in reference to the whole of the server. This is a major motivation for all of his decisions and actions too.

5. “It should be all of us working together.”

(from page 14 of Ranboo’s first memory book)

When Ranboo explicitly repeated wanting "one big happy family," words that came out of Dream's own mouth, he's describing his vision of an ideal Dream SMP. It can be argued that he and Dream have the same goals, right?

Well, obviously, not quite.

Dream and Ranboo have very different visions for the server, the common thing being their determination to get everyone to cooperate with their vision no matter what. We see the vague and ominous actions of Ranboo while Enderwalking, how much bolder and aggressive he can get. He's seemingly more dedicated to this goal that way.

Based on the previous points, Ranboo's vision of a better Dream SMP is one where everyone exists as they are, freely and without division, where no one is above or below the other, and that they can put their dedications to causes aside for care and love for each other. People regardless of skill or situation just living together peacefully! where the Conflict is not big enough to harm but big enough to constitute what it means to be alive! No one's telling the other how to live because they understand and respect each other's choices and differences!

With how he approaches the fulfillment of this ideal, I dare say he does indeed fight for something, and it's the cause of all causes.

But what about those other people who aren't so compromising? Well, I wager those are the people Ranboo ought to snap against. Ranboo's ideal SMP is rooted in coexistence, therefore it demands compromise and tolerance. Funny just how many people on the server fight for causes that refuse to give that.

Ranboo definitely knows he can't achieve the server he wants alone, and knowing everyone else, he knows getting everyone to get along will be much harder in execution.