#but sometimes I get a little People Are Wrong On The Internet about stupid things

[lunellum]

Today in: I have noticed something inconsequential and have decided to go find fault with it...

I see a lot of people call this: :(

frowny face smily

it doesn't have eyebrows. frowning is an eyebrow action. therefor, this is not a frowny smily. >:( might be a frowny smily. :( is just a sad one.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

[st4vk1nmybra1n]

I love you, don't act so surprised?!

cont: Model!Gojo x GN!reader, sweet sweet gojo and his silly thoughts!! Wc: 1.5k.

Lovestruck. A little stupid, admittedly. Not charming, and surely not as cool. That's how Gojo Satoru would describe himself in the presence of the only person who can tolerate his ideas, sometimes even surpassing his stupidity to give him a reality check and shut him up. Like really quickly. To the point where he feels embarrassed for himself. And he never feels embarrassed about his beautiful brain and its beautiful thoughts. He knows everything about him is beautiful. I mean– he's a model for a reason, you know?

You were sort of an enigma. You weren't his manager, but sometimes he wishes he could just have you be his manager because you were just that good at making him seem like a saint. He faintly thinks it must be because of those really expensive media training classes his dad paid for. The one that he, you, and suguru had taken. Not like he really paid attention then. Oh well! He has a pretty face, why should he hold back his words? Though he'd definitely argue you'd make a better model. You had the media training, the professionalism, the skill, the knowledge (about a lot of things. Some things, more than the other. But you were smart!), and you definitely had the looks! 

You were gorgeous. Drop dead gorgeous. You had the right features. No matter what anyone else thinks, he's sure he could probably capture your beauty with a camera. He's no photographer or whatever, but even he knows you can look good under any circumstances. Whenever he watches back his interviews and any and every video of him on the internet (which he does because he knows he's hot. That's it.), you always seem to capture his eyes. You're not even the main focus of the videos in most cases. You appear briefly, fixing his hair or telling him to straighten up a bit more. Or maybe the camera pans to you when you're behind the scenes, grinning at the camera as you make a cheeky remark about him. He thinks you look.. a little too good when you're feeling sly..

You have your own job and life going on, but it's so heavily ingrained in his head that his days can't pass without you in them. It's like the day's exhaustion washes away when he shows up at your doorstep after a long day of shooting. Or when you show up in the morning with waffles for breakfast, first thing in the morning when you know he has a big shoot coming up. He just loves you– or well– spending time with you (???), nothing more. Yeah, for sure!

Most people feel nervous in his presence. He knows he exudes an energy of confidence and self assurity. It may sound egotistical but it's simply a truth, a fact everyone knows. He's not surprised when people stammer and stumble over their words when talking to him, or when their eyes wander over him. He knows it's only natural for them. It's something he doesn't pay much mind to, it just makes him feel even more satisfied. Whenever he'll crack a joke, they'll crack a smile, laugh with their cheeks tinted. It almost feels as though he's entertaining them. Don't get him wrong, he loves being ogled at, but he needs entertainment too! Then there's people who look at him in such a way where he can see the gears of creativity churning in their heads. All the ways they could film him, all the angles they could use to photograph him to bring out his best (which is also something that's just him existing), all the ways they could draw him or paint him. He's observant like that, he sees it all.

But for you, Shoko, and Suguru, it's different. His friends don't have that look of wonder or nervousness when they look at him. They're all used to it, he knows. After spending so many years together, it's clear that's the case. Suguru himself was into photography, though not as much to pursue it as more than a hobby. Suguru often did capture photos of satoru. But he didn't care to skirt around the subject when he felt satoru was doing something he hadn't envisioned. He would tell satoru straight up to pose again, and 'leave out the sass this time'. His friends won't hesitate to shut him up if he says something stupid, maybe even whack him against the back of his head. They don't care to sugarcoat their words, or to conceal the fact that they'll laugh in his face if he does something that they think is stupid. And he likes that! It's something he especially likes about you. That when he cracks a joke, you'll double down with something funnier that'll send everyone into another 10 minute laughing fit. He likes it when he asks if you could pass him something, and you answer 'no' with the straightest face ever, as you hand him the mentioned object. He likes when he asks you a dumb question, you answer with something even dumber. Sometimes to add to the joke, sometimes to humble his stupidity.

 Oh, and he loves when he's taking a video and he calls you over, you'll look up at the mention of your name, and instinctively smile as you see his camera. He loves it when you give him and Suguru ideas on their next photoshoot, demonstrating Satoru's potential poses with a dramatic face, sometimes breaking out into a cheeky grin as you tried imitating satoru. He loves when you get sassy and cheeky, he loves it when you know you've caught him slacking, your knowing and sly grin making him feel even more heated than he could imagine. He probably mentioned that earlier, too. He loves way too many things about you. Next thing you know, he probably loves you! But that's not true.. definitely not! 

He's also a liar. He does love you. A lot. A recent revelation. Shamefully, he thinks the way that most people get nervous around him is oddly reminiscent of how he is around you. Except, he's not boring and dull. If anything, he makes the funniest jokes ever! His eager eyes are always finding your frame everytime he cracks a joke, just to see you burst out laughing at him. He's made himself the butt of the joke more times than he can count, just to see you give him a sarcastic and satire response, or even better– when you laugh at him. Maybe it's a twisted feeling, to feel joy from such a thing. But he really could handle doing anything if it meant seeing you smile at him.

"You've been locked up here for an hour. Do you wanna start getting ready for our photoshoot or do you wanna continue to stare at that photo frame of you and your.. family." Suguru's voice interrupts his thoughts, his brow raised at his friend as he looks over at Satoru, who had been staring at a picture of you, him, and your cinnamoroll plushie and his digimon plushie. 

Satoru remembers that day. It was after Suguru had finished taking pictures of him, and you'd been sitting just watching, with his treasured plushie in your hand, while your own cinnamoroll plushie was also seated on your lap. "Let's get a photo of the whole family. Satoru and I, and our two sons!" You chimed in, rushing into the frame as you leaned in against Satoru. You both took a sequence of photos, ranging from bright grins on your faces, to your faces completely serious, like a true family portrait. And then later on his birthday, you gifted him a large frame of the photo (alongside other gifts, of course), which he put up in his bedroom, without even having to put much thought into it. 

"Are you gonna confess? Stop staring at that frame and do something about it." Suguru chided, clicking his tongue. 

"Give me a break! I only just realized like.. 2 weeks ago. I need time to process everything!" He responded to Suguru, tone whiney and dramatic.

"2 weeks too late, maybe. We all noticed like, 2 years ago. You're late to the party. Do something about it before I do something about it." Suguru threatened loosely, placing his hands on his hips.

"Ey! You can't do that! Mine. Mine only." Satoru gasped in offense, brows furrowed as he crossed his arms, lips forming into a pout.

"I meant I'd air out your business, not ask them out, you idiot!" Suguru sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Oh. Oh! That's good for him, Satoru thinks. He plans on telling you, sooner or later. But sometimes, he just likes to stare at you and admire what you have already. But he knows he can't risk it. You're more gorgeous than he is, and that's saying something. He knows there's a chance someone may come in and sweep you off your feet, and he would never allow someone as beautiful as you to end up with someone who isn't him. It's simple logic, really. An ethereal person such as you, only deserves someone who's as breathtaking as you. Not to toot his own horn, but he's pretty sure he's the only one who fits that criteria. It's just meant to be! You and him. He's known it deep down inside all along. He wouldn't have it any other way, of course.

side note: i just wanna add that i almost LOST the ENTIRE fic and cried for 10 mins before i eventually found out how to restore it! so i hope you guys enjoy this as much as i did <3333

[elianzis]

The thing is that to a certain extent yeah “problematic” ships shouldn’t be endorsed or allowed. That’s how garbage like elsa*nna or other really bad inc*st or pdf file ships fester. That being said, it is a bit more of a slippery slope with dark romance. Cause I recognize some people have different tastes and while recognizing the dark themes are obviously bad still enjoy the ship which I really don’t get but whatever I ain’t going to harass people for it.

Regardless, I think your only mistake was not tagging things properly for triggers and dark themes. People are really losing their minds over a very little mistake and I really hope this doesn’t push you away from Epic cause I think your art is awesome and inspiring. Keep at it and honestly take a break if you need it. Sometimes fandom can be supremely stupid and taking a break from the internet can help a lot. But regardless of what you do I hope you’re doing okie :)

It wasn't only about tags too

There are a few HUGE mistakes I made and they were wrong including not to add tags.

In the beginning I didn't even think to add marks as AU, because...idk, that kind of ships of course work only in AU, so I thought it could be understood, but I was wrong, and when people told me that I should just tag it as AU I was like:...DAMN I SHOULD DID THAT IN THE BEGINNING

For me this part was obvious, BUT IT WAS FOR ME, SO NOW I UNDERSTOOD THAT THIS KIND OF STUFF NEED TO BE MARKED

Also not everyone understood the joke about cancelling omg, this really created WAVE OF HATE, people didn't understand that and now I just...

Also THE MOST HUGE PROBLEM WAS ABOUT THE JOKE I LIKED IN THE COMMENT.

It was a dark joke, dark humour and I just didn't understand how strong people could be offended by it. For me dark humour sometimes works as a defending mechanism and probably because most of the time I spent my internet time in spaces where there was plenty of dark humour...

I didn't understand how bad it was in the beginning. But now I understand. And I'm very sorry for that.

Jokes about SA are unacceptable and it's wrong. So now I understand that the better way is to keep these dark jokes between friends and off-line with people who know each other.

I know that some people won't forgive me and that's okay.

I just hope this situation won't make fandom toxic and we all will stay friendly and kind to each other and greet everyone with open arms..Just lets be kind

P.s. this post was written after I woke up with a headache

[ozzy-boy]

Hii! Volks, Scale and Cole's reaction (separately) if someone calls their s/o ugly?

Volks:

-Volks doesn't do social media. He doesn't have any and he doesn't look at it either.

-He finds the whole thing kind of ridiculous anyway- why would you care what strangers online have to say? You show him cute videos of dogs sometimes though, so he figures it can't all be bad.

-When Volks notices that you're a little downtrodden, he doesn't suspect that social media would be the cause.

-You brush him off and say that it's stupid when he asks what's wrong, which immediately rubs him the wrong way.

-He's your boyfriend- he doesn't care if it's stupid, if something is bothering you, he wants to know.

-If you keep trying to avoid it he'll end up putting his forehead against yours and staring into your eyes until you say it.

-You eventually give in and admit that someone called you ugly under one of the new pictures you posted.

-Normally Volks would probably agree that it's stupid to be upset over a stranger's opinion, but that kind of thing doesn't bother him. You're more sensitive than he is though. (unbothered king)

-He assures you it isn't true and is extra sweet for a while to make you feel better. He also goes on your phone later and deletes any comments that aren't compliments (even if it takes him a while to figure out how bc he's an old man with technology 💀)

Scale:

-Scale isn't huge on social media either, but he makes accounts so he can like your posts and so you can send him things.

-Honestly if he didn't have the whole 'assassin secret identity' thing going on, he'd probably post stuff about his workout routine. He's fine just sending those videos to you, though ;)

-He likes to go to your insta and look at your pictures when he's having a rough day with training, just as a little pick-me-up.

-Though, today he notices a comment under your most recent post.

-Immediately confused. ("Huh?")

-Refreshing the page constantly, as if expecting it to be a mistake. ("Who?")

-You? Ugly??? ("What?????")

-Genuinely dumbfounded. He's never heard something so ridiculous in his life.

-You're equally confused a few hours later when you log on and see your boyfriend getting in an online slapfight with a random person under your post.

-It's very endearing that Scale is so willing to go to bat and defend you but you're gonna have to give him a lesson in online safety and teach him how to block people that make him angry and move on -_-

Cole:

-Cole is your number 1 fan he has all your accounts on notification. He is your first like on every post.

-He kind of hates that your pictures are online for anyone to see but he deals with it. He has his own collection of pictures to admire but he often refreshes your pages to see what you're up to.

-While you're out together one day you decide to take a quick photo and post it since you're feeling cute.

-It's not until a while later that Cole watches you check your phone, only for a sad look to pass over your features. He quickly investigates, and finds a bubbling anger rising in his chest when he finds that someone's insulted you.

-'I have to kill this guy right fucking now-'

-'No, no, calm down Cole. You need to keep your cool in front of Marshmallow.'

-'Wait a second, they look sad. I'm going to kill-'

-Cole does a few deep breathing exercises, gets his head on straight and repeatedly tells himself that he can't run off to track down an internet stranger while you're sad.

-"My darling, have I told you how wonderful you look today...?"

-He spends the next several hours spoiling and complimenting as much as you'll allow.

-After all, you need no one else but him.

[thefirelookout]

Dead silence

This post is an attempt to share or let out some of my complex feelings about the situation in Bangladesh.

We went to our city's protest yesterday. It was a silent, peaceful protest. The Bangladeshi student community here in Kingston stood in a human chain with placards. "Save Bangladesh student", yes grammatically wrong, yes, it assumes that young revolutionaries need saving, so on and so forth. The protest started and ended quietly. My non-Bangladeshi friends were a bit confused, since they're used to chanty protests for Palestine, or union picket lines with cars passing by, honking in support. There was more noise even for the Iranian protests, Zan Zendegi Azadi. The silence of a graveyard in this one, though.

Who cares about little old Bangladesh? I sometimes wonder. We're not in the eye of the middle eastern storm like Syria, Lebanon or Palestine are. We're not strategically important, we don't even have many natural resources like Sudan or Congo do. The Prime Minister visited China recently to ask for an aid or a loan, and came back pretty much empty handed. China isn't very interested in us. India has gotten what it needed to get, and can milk more out of us, but they can do the same with Nepal or Bhutan too. We're never in the headlines, the US or the West in general isn't interested in us at all. And Pakistan denies that the 1971 genocide ever happened.

Which is why, the world isn't missing our voices due to the internet blackout.

The voices were all over my Facebook newsfeed. Aunties and apus on Facebook live selling sarees, jewelry, crafts, elderly boomers sharing gardening tips, quick fixes or herbal remedies that they swear by, people sharing posts about cricket or which cricketer's wife wore what, food bloggers calling every possible dish juicy (be it a burger or the meat in biriyani), celebrity drama, political drama to the extent of what was allowed back home. That sort of thing.

Now, again, there's the silence of a graveyard over here. And I feel like screaming till I snap my vocal cords. Can you all please come back? Please? The silence is unbearable! Please! I won't judge you if you sell your wares! Please! I won't judge if you think turmeric water can act as a miracle detox! Please, please I won't say a word if your post about your stupid cricket match! Just something, please say something! I haven't seen a single one of you online. Please don't die, please stay safe. When the internet comes back, please, post about your vacations and your pets. Not the dead, please, don't post about the bodies. I can take a bit of silence but not more bodies please!

Speaking of bodies. There was an armoured vehicle, painted navy blue in the colours of the police (fuck them). And there was a body on top of it. Dead, obviously, very dead, because it flopped down with the slightest nudge, and was left on the streets. Before that happened, the vehicle drove about as if parading its spoils of war, with the body on top. Sending a message. This will happen to you if you raise your voice.

That image has been haunting me for two nights now. So yeah, I'm not man enough to get some incisive political analysis out. I have no either or predictions for what happens if the regime falls or doesn't fall. My body feels numb, I've been binge eating because I still have food in the house and I won't be gunned down if I go out to get groceries now. My non-Bangladeshi friends, bless their first world hearts, have never had to live under fascism. Bless their hearts, have never had to stifle their voices to the extent that we've had to. Bless their beautiful hearts, could hardly pronounce Bangladesh. But they still showed up to that docile little protest because they care about my spouse and I. I can't even begin to thank them.

My insides are tearing up. I'm sitting with a poker face typing all this word vomit, but my insides are nothing but a scream. No clever realpolitik comes out of a heart that's screaming, because our mouths are sewn shut.

[ohmymalice]

Lackluster Tendencies

jschlatt x f!reader | 674 words ! | part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

high school au, sfw, "You don't seem to be the person I thought you'd be."

ALSO A QUICK NOTE BECAUSE I THINK THIS MIGHT BE CONFUSING!! I refer to Schlatt as Jay for his real name and Schlatt is his online username. His friends online call him Schlatt and friends in school call him Jay.

(blue text is schlatt grey is y/n)

He worried a little, thinking that maybe he used his little internet persona humor way too early into this friendship they had. The ringing of his phone filled his ears, the white screen suddenly faded into black and showed her name.

Y/n is calling... Pick up?

He lets it ring for a few seconds and picks up, his hands sweating a little.

"So when did you become a jackass?" she asked, teasing him for the unexpected response. "Always been one, just hid it well." She scoffed at his reply.

There was an awkward silence on the line, and before he could think, his mouth starts running before he could even make an effort to stop

"I didn't expect you to be this way," he mumbled out, fiddling with the phone in his hand.

"In what way?"

"Like- like.. all the cussing and shit, I thought you were just some pretty girl with an innocent face who seemed to be friends with everyone."

She snorted in response, chuckling. "So you thought I was just some girl with a pretty face?"

"Yes- fuck, I mean- I just didn't expect that you could be nice to someone like me, I guess? I didn't think you were an asshole or anythin' I just-"

"Thought I was one of those biased popular bitches who were only nice to other popular people?"

"Yeah, maybe it was a harsh assumption."

"Harsh but fair, and honestly? If we're talking about first impressions, I thought you were some quiet kid at the back of the class who might've turned out a school shooter if nobody talked to them."

Schlatt's jaw hung open, not expecting a joke like that to come out of her mouth. He just started laughing.

"THAT, that is what I mean by I don't expect you to be that way."

"Well, you're one of the first to know, congrats. I don't have a lot of close friends, friends yeah but anyone I hang around consistently? Not at all." Schlatt hummed in reply, getting the gist of things.

"I don't have as many friends as you, but I do get the whole, uh- the whole thing about not having a lot of close friends. I thought you had tons of friends, just assumed I didn't get to see you a lot, so I didn't get to see who you hung around a lot with either."

On the other line, the girl shook her head, giggling. Oh,  how wrong he was.

"I'd try to be close to the people I know but sometimes it's just draining, especially with my whole drama club stuff... and to be honest-" She trailed off, taking in a breath as she held the phone in between her shoulder and cheek.

"Shit- I don't even know how to put it into to words." She mumbled, he stayed quiet on the line, scared if he tried to say anything it would just make her feel worse.

"I guess I feel like not a lot of people would get me or like me. Not the little persona I put up. Shit I'm rambling, my bad." She mumbled out the last part, feeling like she overshared a little.

"I don't mind hearing you ramble." The words slipped out of his lips, thinking how lame and stupid he probably sounded.

She smiled, for the first time in a while. "Really? Most people would usually try to change the subject every time I got too real."

"Seriously, how could you even think anyone would be bored or not like you."

If anything, it was too easy to like her.

She was gonna interject, tell him how wrong he was and that he'd end up like everyone else. He'll end up walking away from her life and get bored the moment he realizes that there was nothing more to her but the door to her bedroom swung open and her dad started yelling, grumbling about something she couldn't understand.

Before even thinking, she ended the call

leaving Schlatt thinking he did something wrong.

[griancraft]

Hello, would you like to expand on the DID being treated similarly to Autism and ADHD by tiktok and tumblr?

Hi this is already getting long and I wanna post this as soon as possible so people who want to see it will see it. This is written on like 3 hours of sleep after a 8 hour shift and it took me 3 HOURS because I am so fucking out of it ask for clarification before getting upset if something is wrong.

I also want to preface this with the fact I am an advocate for healthy multiplicity. I’ve written essays for classes on non monogamy and DID. I’ve written about how identifying as separate but whole has been the best way to heal for ME. I am in no way saying that the way professionals talk about us is a complete picture. Our history is important and self advocacy is important and I think both disordered and non disordered advocacy should be taken seriously.

In the context of the disorder of DID, which is characterized specifically by distress and impairment, talking about it as a disorder is really fucking important. If you’re interested in the history of non disordered systems Sai’s card is absolutely incredible and I really really think it’s important to read. This is not a “syscourse” post or whatever, this all existed before the internet. I feel like discoursing over wether what real people experience is real is stupid because you’re never going to get into their brain.

Much of our history is self recorded because professionals for so long treated us like we were unable to understand our situation and unable to advocate for ourselves. All of these are reputable and sourced with great care by someone I trust.

https://plural.neocities.org

Alright preface over or whatever uh. Here we go.

While the DID community is much smaller than the ADHD/Autistic community, the issue of “well, I can do that, why can’t you?” is very present in a LOT of spaces. There are many similarities in how our “weirdnesses” is perceived outwardly by society. Some things are very very similar such as us being “off putting” and a lot of us being disabled to the point where we are unable to work a job. So, so much is similar in how society views us because there are so many crossover symptoms. But in terms of different experiences I’ve had people say it’s weird that I seem to switch between “emotional states” so quickly, that it���s weird how my voice changes pitch and my stims are different, that its “weird” when I switch to certain alters (my ex said this to his face btw) because they act so differently from me, I often feel the discomfort from certain friends when an alter introduces themselves with their own name. Some of these were said by systems, too!

We find it difficult to identify switches and tell who is fronting, sometimes we can’t tell until I (the host) am back in the front and things are disorienting. There is a massive push to CONSTANTLY be able to identify who’s fronting to other people.

I’ve noticed that a lot of what I experience isn’t in line with what people talk about on tumblr and TikTok and I struggled with that for awhile. Despite having the closest thing I can have to a diagnosis at this point, and doing what I can to read the literature. I do not know who is fronting if it is not me most of the time and identifying who can actually put a lot of strain on us. Sometimes we are distinct enough to tell, but not always. Many people I know also experience this.

Tools like pluralkit and simplyplural are great, but I’ve heard so many stories of singlets and even other systems feeling “lied to” when someone doesn’t identify who is fronting. For a very very long time we felt a lot of pressure to constantly be able to identify who is in the front. This is a symptom that is kinda supposed to happen though, you are dissociating from yourself.

I also think a lot of other systems find littles, animals alters, and fictives/factives cringe/weird and feel very self righteous in bullying them because of it especially if they are “normal” systems.

Littles are “weird” because it’s a child alter in a usually adult body. It’s “weird” that an adult is acting like a kid. DID is a dissociative disorder with the cause being linked to childhood trauma. An alter may form as a child as a result of said trauma. Animal alters are “weird” because it is abnormal to see people acting like animals and the (often) non speaking aspect of this isn’t taken seriously. Again, DID is linked to childhood abuse, if a child with DID was treated like an animal by their abusers they are probably going to form an animal alter.

Fictives and factives are more complex because it’s so often used as an indicator that people are faking because it’s “weird”. This is silly. I’m just going to repost something I’ve already wrote on it because I think explaining it again would make me loose my actual fucking mind.

“Things like “if I were this character I wouldn’t be in this situation” and “this character would take care of me, they wouldn’t hurt me” and “if I was this character I would be strong enough to survive” are all things I’ve thought of as probable reasons and I’ve heard similar from others too!

Also, it is a LOT easier to make something from a blueprint/template than create something entirely new in anything. I don’t see why that would be different in the brain especially if one is going through a lot already. Normal alters pull from our experiences already so it’s kinda just a more extreme version of that imo!”

And what you need to understand about living with DID is that it’s fucking weird. It will be weird. Systems aren’t any more “normal” if they don’t experience weird symptoms.

I think the “tee hee alters in my head” talk is SOMETIMES overwhelming discussions of what it is like to live day to day with the disorder. There are days when there is very little internal communication within us, and many people I know do not have any internal communication at all.

The idea that alters are separate people and not ‘parts of a whole’ is something I’ve seen people very defensive on. while I like. Get this sentiment, and it can be very very invalidating to be told this. But it’s not really consistent with the literature and if you want to treat your plurality like DID you have to at least consider parts language IMO. Modern papers in my experience do affirm the individual identities of alters while still using parts language. This is very good in my opinion because it not only validates the lived experiences of someone with DID but also stays on the track of treating the disorder in one way or another.

There are severe and dangerous symptoms related to DID that are NOT talked about enough. There are comorbidities that are not talked about at all that I like, only found out about from scouring papers. But I do not want to get into that until I have at least. A week to recover from finals dear FUCK.

[starlightswordfight]

"jeremy if this is another hc post I'm going to kill you" bad news

castaway nonsense PART TWO

– schnauz is deathly afraid of water. it unsettles him deeply, largely because of past experience. do you SEE his treasure catalogue entry for the blue paint?? who "swims out" for the "last time" in a swimming pool???? someone fucking DIED

– on a slightly similar note, he laughs when he's nervous!

– he is Perpetually Nervous

– I think molly would REALLY like the evil skeleton wizard memes that have taken over my brain for the past several years. "not me being evil shadow skull" and no one knows what the fuck she's talking about

– molly writes fanfiction

– will let people borrow her camera if you ask nicely

– speaking of molly. her and patch and dash should be best friends forever. same home planet and they all do stupid shit. jin is also involved and they're the voice of reason

– dash has a lot of fidget toys. on him at all times

– wears those jackets where it's just an anime character wrapped around them all the way all bizarre like. he doesn't think it's a good design by any means it's just really funny

– frisé's favorite instrument is the didgeridoo

– also she's intersex. I can do whatever I want

– hitting frisé with the singing/humming/tapping on stuff as stims beam

– construction work is super fucking loud so I think corgwin just would not be bothered by sudden/incredible noise anymore. it just reads as background stuff to him! that or he like genuinely isn't picking up on some of it at all, it doesn't register. frequent tinnitus haver. he might be going deaf

– corgwin is tumblr famous. the pikmin universe tumblr equivalent anyway. inspired by the headcanon generator that told us in the pikmin server I'm in that charlie lit a school on fire and got away with it and that the rescue corps killed princess diana

– think about it. he'd share fun building facts. niche internet micro celebrity and everybody loves him

– lapi is also tumblr famous

– he likes frolicking around outside For Enrichment but he also does it in the rain and sometimes comes home sick

– guilty of making sketchbooks into renderbooks and taking several years to complete them. "but it has to be perfect" That Is The Devil Talking

– horatio is not immune to the fog

– he has a VERY specific skillset. like. like stupid specific. the guy is the most proficient xylophonist you've ever met but he can't cook. knows how aeronautics works but his phone call game is BAD. give him an old movie from decades back and he can tell you what it is and who acted in it and exactly where he was when he first saw it, easily. if you ask him for directions anywhere he'll crumble and die

– he wrote his ID badge like that. it was fully and completely on purpose. horatio thinks it's funny as hell

– françois really likes bugs! sees them all the time in his work even if his studies are flora centric. while on pnf-404 he probably talks about it a LOT with dalmo. botany/environmental science major who minored in entomology

– I just do not think he'd be afraid of them and that is beautiful. he allows nothing to dissuade him. he has pet spiders it is wonderful

– OKAY YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS YOU CAN GET AT THE KENNEDY SPACE CENTER AND IN OTHER PLACES WHERE IT'S LIKE ROCK SAMPLES FROM FOREIGN SPACE BODIES?? AM I INSANE??? in the little capsules and shit ????? yeah kit has those

– astrophysics lover. adores space science. worked at a planetarium before meeting osa. I don't remember if this contradicts the established lore and I am too tired to go back and check so if im wrong you can pelt me with stones and tomato

– osa lets him ramble on about it but in all honesty he does not know what the fuck kit is talking about half the time ever. ever

– vice versa! osa also has a huge nerd thing and it's world history. which makes sense for an archaeologist. I don't mean modern history either I mean ANCIENT

– fawks would unironically endorse the idea of a cybertruck but it never comes to fruition because everyone says it's stupid and he feels insulted and he gives up and sulks about it

– but he'd specialize. I know he would. he gets specific with it. good for him! my money is on prehistoric archaeology, stuff back before written text, and language, and any history that could be recorded with the power of words. which is why travelling to pnf-404 was so fucking important to him, he's been trying to construct something that would fill in the gaps of that lost starfolk history and this WAS the exact sort of thing that he was looking for

– technically they're doing geoarchaeology together. yes that's a subfield

– he is a tech bro and everybody thinks this is stupid and dumb also

– chewy

[gadzooksgalore]

I'm not entirely sure why but lately I've been in a very introspective mood when it comes to my art, specifically the attention (or lack thereof) it receives. So I'm gonna ramble a bit. Feel free to ignore this completely.

God has been growing me in a lot of ways over the past few years and I've finally reached a point where I no longer worry about/obsess over the amount of attention my work receives online. And gosh, it's seriously so freeing. To simply post something I made for the sake of sharing it, rather than wondering how many people will like it? It's a wonderful feeling. Don't get me wrong, I REALLY appreciate when people interact with my work and speak kindly about my stories/characters. It's something that inspires me to keep creating! But I'm just grateful that external influence no longer dictates the worth I attribute to my art. (Now the only problem is internal influence and comparison and my own stupid expectations...but that's a conversation for another day.)

At the same time, I realize my work never got much attention over the years because I didn't make enough art to warrant attention. And I think I always secretly knew this but seeing just how little people cared about my work still hurt. Even now, many of those who interact with my art are people I've initiated conversations with or consider friends - which I've come to realize is much more meaningful than the opinions of strangers, from my perspective. Regardless, consistency is very helpful when it comes to catching folks' attention within online spaces, and I recognize I just can't manage that. How many times did younger me feel terrible about herself simply because her sporadic art got a couple likes, or none at all? Sometimes I wish I could grab her shoulders and say, "The internet is a weird system and you can't keep up with it, so don't waste your feelings on this beast!"

I'd need two hands to count how many times I've wanted to create some sort of art-based ask blog, only to reach the conclusion that it'd be less disappointing not to try than to watch it fizzle out due to my own lack of ability. I've mostly come to terms with the fact that I'm just not fast, and that sometimes my 'best' is not very good. But aside from wanting to encourage interest from others on this site, there's always been a part of me that wished I could draw quickly and produce character art to bring life to the overwhelming amount of ideas in my head. For me.

I just wish I could draw what's floating around my mind, and in this particular season I wish I could draw at all. Not for anyone else but myself. To see the characters I created, drawn by my own hand. It's funny how priorities and perceptions change as you grow. Back then I wanted attention, but the only thing I want now is to be able to draw again.

[totally-not-here-for-the-smut]

So, @arcanavoid made me thinking about Lucio in their post

WELL THEN LETS TALK ABOUT LUCIO YOU BITCHES

Pleas keep in mind that I'm right now very drunk and I'm not a native speaker and the autocorrect for this phone can only do so much Also I'm in a different time zone so if you see this at, like 10 in the morning or whatever, no worries bc now is definitely night here and I also program my posts I have not a drinking problem thats why I cant hold my f-ing liquor

WELL THEN MY DEAR LUCIO and

WHY

as a person who is very close to people with serious mental illness, like i legit live with them

I THINK LUCIO'S ROUTE IS SO GREAT

Let's start with an assumption: we're all assholes. Somewhere in our life, maybe in the past, or present, or future, we are huge AH. It's not like we're evil and condemned to hell, it's just that as humans we're small, petty and miserable so we behave badly and are very selfish when big difficulties challenge us. Like, sometimes we manage to scramble enough willpower and common sense to act decently as we're afraid and suffering, but lots of times we don't and make shitty things. So here's my first point:

1. We all are a Lucio sometimes. Or often.

Like, way more than we want to admit. We're afraid, we're too full of ourselves, and we behave in petty ways. We're mean towards strangers, we feel happy in humiliating them and showing the world how better than anyone else we are. We need something bc we live in a world that doesn't grant basic human rights (food, shelter, health, safety and human connection), so we strain to get those things, sometimes at others' expenses. Then we tell ourself that those people deserved our scorn and malice because they're bad, and we tell us such lies because facing the guilt of what we've done is painful and complex.

We need to show ourselves we're better, so enjoy picking at others' mistakes without caring who they are in a whole (this is super easy on the internet). All this while low key ignoring what bad we're more or less responsible for.

And we are. Like, if you ever did buy something on sites like shein, you are actually exploiting poor people who are basically slaves. And you're keeping a blind eye on it.

But you know what? You're not evil for this. We're weak sometimes, we're tired, we have little time and really don't have the lucidity to think whether this stupid chicken breast is full of hormones and antibiotics or not. We're humans and we're small. Often we're sad, afraid and tired and we need a malicious self esteem bost.

Often, we're Lucio.

2. A flaming piece of trash can change. And doesn't need others' forgiveness to do so.

Did you notice how everyone is so eager to show of other people are wrong and bad and evil? That's because they, and we as well, need reassurance about how we're the hero of the story.

That's because we can't tolerate being the flaming piece of trash, because the the flaming piece of trash can't change and everyone hates them.

This idea is stupid.

It doesn't matter how low you fell. How many people you hurt, how many times you made the same stupid mistake or how many people deeply despise you. You still can change.

That's why is

So

Important

To have a Lucio route where it's shown he can choose to be better, no matter how deeply wrong his past deeds were.

The moment we understand this concept is the one our guilt becomes less heavy and we start being less judging of others. Granted.

This doesn't mean you're entitled to people's forgiveness - but the fact that YOU are willing to forgive yourself means that you can really change and forgive others. If some people won't forgive you, it will be fine, no need to hate them: you can always find new people to gift your better self to.

This is what happens to Lucio. Will Asra ever truly forgive him for making him and orphan and killing you? No. But this doesn't mean that Lucio will be a villain forever. He will be still able to change, become a good man and gift his goodness to the MC.

As MC says to Julian: you can always come back.

3. What it takes to change

Now, I'm in general rly humble when talking about mental health bc I'm no doctor nor therapist. But living with people who went through hell and managed to survive (and knowing people who sadly didn't), made me able to figure a couple of things. So, brace yourself. I'm about to give you the ultimate recipe of healing.

It takes two things:

Compassion and Accountability

When all is said and done, this things are the two main things it takes to change and heal. Compassion for believing you can change and deserve happiness, seeing the world through other people's eyes and accountability to motivate you into stop being a dick and owning the shit you did (so yeah, maybe you should stop blaming your parents for who you are, sry, but it doesn't serves your cause).

and there's one and only one way to get them:

Positive human connections.

That's it. When you go to the bone to it, that's how one can change, heal and survive.

It's reduced to the very bone, simple idea: the whole process is much more complicated and it's ok if you get lost in it. But at the very root, this is it.

And this is WHY Lucio's route it's so great:

MC shows compassion, because they don't recall him doing anything bad to them.

MC helps him being accountable. They doesn't shelter Lucio from his guilt, never.

MC believes in them but NEVER puts up with their shit

MC doesn't believe his lies and doesn't lie to them either. No games: they talk through everything, they're kind but firm and true.

MC helps him accept other people's scorn towards him

I love this route because it's the one where the MC is the most clever. There's a murder mistery? Let's ask the ghost of the murdered one who did it. Everyone is mad at him? Let them be. Not bc "he deserves it", but bc people are entitled to be mad at him and to their idea about him. He has troubles with his mother? Don't get between them. Listen, understand, let them unravel their shit. Ghosts are mad at him? Sit with him, but don't do his emotional weightlifting. Mc puts Lucio in front of his deeds and holds his hand as he deals with them.

Folks: THIS is how it's done irl.

4. No dumb justification & the danger of privilege

There are a lot of shows about "why villains are like this" that paint them as a poor misunderstood saint who was mistreated by their parents. Like in Once Upon a Time or the Disney Villain's Live actions. I hate that stuff because they distort the plot to make the villain a misunderstood anti heroe who was a victim all along, so he's justified.

Guess what: they're not. If you actions are evil there's no justification. No retelling of your story: you made very bad choice and were an AH and that's it.

This is what happens with Lucio: in his route his story doesn't gets to be retold. It's an honest story about how Lucio, the villain, can choose to be the better man and benefit from it. It's a story about the inherent dangers of Privilege:

Lucio's story shows how dangerous privilege can be: he wasn't hold accountable for his actions while he was alive, bc he was pretty, powerful and rich. He loses his privilege, he gets his ass kicked, he find motivations to change in his desire to be loved. I know irl folks who got to adulthood without having to face how shitty they were bc of social privilege. It literally kept them from changing, healing and be happy. So beware, folks. Your privilege might be harming you in the first place, and the day you will face who you truly are without it WILL come. The later, the worst.

So, this is why I love Lucio's route. It's relatable and helps us to find the courage to face our demons, knowing that we can change. Knowing that we can forgive ourselves and accept others' scorn. It WILL be hard, it WILL be painful, there WILL be consequences, but eventually it will be worth the hassle.

So, long live the goatman, for he can change. And so do we.

[nhasablogg]

Something I've been wanting to say for a while

I admit I'm a coward. I can't help it. I have anxiety. I feel as if people will be mean to me even when I've not done anything. I want to protect my peace too much to get into things like I used to, but I need to say something, because it's a recurring thing and people think they can just send me things that they feel is true with no space for disagreement or a discussion. I'll probably make this post unrebloggable and close my asks for a while afterward, because I genuinely am not looking for other people's opinions about it. I already know it's varied, and that many people are very extreme about it, maybe because they just feel passionate that their view on it is right, which is fine as long as there's recognition that your views are not everyone's views, or maybe because the internet nowadays encourages aggression without trying to understand any other view on things.

I don't think liking tickling automatically makes it a kink, and so I don't agree that engaging in tickling with others, whether they know you like it or not, is necessarily something sexual or that it's this whole terrible thing you shouldn't do and if you do it makes you a disgusting human being. I think it's very bold for others to assume that the way THEY feel about it means everyone has the same feelings and experiences. This is so complex and personal, probably something that's been inside of us our entire lives and has developed with us. You can't tell people how to feel, just like I can't technically convince you it's not just a kink. It's weird that you don't think it would work both ways and that only your opinion on it needs to be aggressively shouted at others (you is not aimed at a person, but a general you - you get it, you're smart).

But! This whole discourse has made me feel afraid to admit that certain parts about my feelings for tickling ARE a kink, even though I'm not actually into sexual activities due to being asexual. Although I reckon people who aren't asexual feel this way too. I've seen so many takes about that if you have a tickle kink you can't enjoy it platonically that it's made me afraid to express my feelings on it on the one and only place I can do it, and I think that's stupid. I've been afraid of exploring different themes in my silly little fanfictions because of it. I think it's dangerous the way people will throw serious accusations at others just because THEY might find it sexual and nothing else. It's quite literally something people do to bond and have fun, be annoying, provoke, and sometimes to spice things up in the bedroom, and I can't comprehend why this community thinks those things can't be true at the same time. Humans are complex. Some people are terrible, but do you really think all of us are? I understand the need to protect others, but why must you always assume the worst in people who have never shown you or anyone else any malice? Do you really think I would sit on this blog and talk about something tickling related if I myself found it inappropriate? I wouldn't be stupid enough to admit to something like that anyway. Does this make sense? I just think a lot of people in this community are after the wrong people. I just write fics and sometimes talk about my life, and I would LIKE to be able to talk more about tickling, but I get scared to do so even though this is a tickling blog, to a certain degree.

I don't know. I don't think I managed to say all I wanted to say, but I just simply don't know how to say it. Tldr I guess: most of us are complex and can have more than one feeling about things and it's not up to you to decide how we feel.

[itsnothingofinterest]

So, overall thoughts on 393 & predictions for 394:

I really liked 393 for the most part. I do have one gripe/concern with the current situation (and I’m gonna talk a lot more about that than anything else; that’s just how the internet is sometimes); but overall I really liked a lot of what this chapter did.

First off, the flashback to the League; the camaraderie, the stupid jokes, Dabi being a pretentious jerk who thinks these people aren’t his friends when they totally are. It’s all just *chef’s kiss* perfect, no notes. Other’s have gushed enough for this scene and analyzed all the interesting things it says about these characters so I’ll just add:

“Dudes...Being Dudes!” Can’t believe I didn't see that until now.

But moving on from the “dudes”: Uraraka has earned my praise for having done easily the best to reach out to her villain of any hero kid in the entire arc; not least of which because she’s the only one having any back and forth, and because she seems to be genuinely trying to help Toga. Uraraka’s position isn’t quite perfect, still room to improve for reasons we’ll get too; but she has by far done the best at talking to her villain out of the entire class thus far. Her blood offering™ especially is really big for Toga.

Although, briefly moving on to predictions for the next chapter: my hottest take of a theory is that...I’m honestly not sure how Toga will take Uraraka’s offer. Because having someone in her life who understands her and is willing to offer her blood was, once upon a time, everything Toga ever wanted. But now there’s a bigger question on her mind that Uraraka hasn’t really answered properly yet. 

What will she do with Toga? What will happen to Toga if she goes along with whatever Uraraka wants her to do now?

This is basically my biggest and only remaining concern for this plot-line: Toga still absolutely believes she’ll be sent to death row if she’s captured, and her prospects genuinely don’t look good from an objective view. And when Toga brings this up, Uraraka…doesn’t really go against her claim. I mean she makes clear she doesn’t want to murder Toga like Hawks did Jin; but her still going to death row seems a part “the obvious truth for both of [them]” and she “can’t wipe [Toga’s] slate clean”. So what will/can she do for Toga’s very real fear for her life?

It's possible Uraraka doesn’t have any good answer for that. I know some readers are interpreting the dialogue to think she does, that she’ll keep Toga from going to prison if Toga gives up; but putting myself in Toga’s shoes, it doesn’t sound like she’s willing or ready to go against the legal grain like that. And if she doesn’t then, for as much as she’d like that lifetime’s worth of blood, Toga may not give up here if she thinks her lifetime will be a few weeks that way. Heartbreaking as that’d be for her. (Which makes the drama queen in me consider this outcome even more.)

And also just in general, when the Todoroki’s fumbled saving Dabi as bad as they did; I can’t help but doubt Ochako’s chances of fully reaching to Toga in turn just a little.

Although…all that being said; Uraraka’s specific terms on the blood offering™ aren’t for Toga’s surrender. That’s just all of us reading between the lines, and maybe even jumping the gun. Ochako is asking to talk about love, so there may be a twist to expectations there where Toga still fulfills her end of the bargain without just giving up the fight for her life in exchange for blood.

What might come from that I can’t say. Well besides maybe discussing Uraraka’s feelings for Deku but I don’t know anything interesting that’d come from that. Although, maybe it’ll come back around to Toga’s fear for her life if she brings up her loved one, Twice, getting killed by a hero and who Toga is trying to avenge. And maybe this’ll get Uraraka to contemplate the kind of double standard she & her side have been applying to which actions warrant consequences. I mean if Hawks & Endeavor got off scot-free for their wrong doings (not to mention the currently ongoing Operation: Kill Shigaraki); maybe being lenient with the League in turn would be fair. That’s one way I think their conversation could go anyway.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP. I have a question running through my mind lately, and I think it’s a little bit stupid, a little bit legit. I read your thoughts and like your opinions. I think you’re one of the best people who could answer, if not the most appropriate one. Sorry if it sounds dumb, tho.

I’ve been into kpop for a while, now. I can’t say i know the way it works, i can’t say i’m a master of it. But i notice things. I notice the big big impact fanservice has in the industry, for example. It’s literally fundamental. There are a few few companies with sex-mixed groups. Put them apart, the majority are same sex groups. Because with opposite genders in the same group there could be problems, unease, relationships etc.

Then they push same sex fantasies with fanservice and amplified skinship (already present in Korea). And until this point, everything is normal. I mean, we know things work this way.

But here i already notice a controversy. Homophobia is present and rooted in Korea and in the industry, but still they push gay narratives/don’t do anything to debunk them. So they try to “feed” everyone, people who like gay scenarios/moments included.

Then i think about girl groups. Twice, black pink. There’s a lot of explicit touching, explicit affirmations (i like you, your body is stunning, let’s go on a date, you make me blush etc). There’s in bts too, the guys did some nasty things too on cameras, i know. But with girl groups, you can easily notice it’s made up for the cameras but it still happens, and unless i’m missing it, i never saw someone hating or heavily hating on members because of it. Because of some easily misunderstanable sentences/acts.

The same goes for boy groups. I’m thinking of ateez. On of the members (i’m not into them so i don’t know his name) loudly read a comment saying “marry (insert another member’s name)”. And he said “you want me to marry *? You know it’s illegal here”. Then i’m thinking of enyphen, again, i’m not into them, but i saw this clip of two members going live and reading comments about them being a couple/being romantically involved. Shipping.

I’m sorry this is gonna be a long one, but before making my point i need to say these things.

Then we have Somi. She explicitly said she has a lot of women flirting with her, and she said she wants to conquer women too. She said she likes Han SoHee and dmed her on insta, but she didn’t reply. She even kissed Hyuna in a video posted on the internet less than a month ago.

Then we have Bibi. She kisses girl fans during her concerts and pictures of it are shared everywhere. She’s still famous, all of these people i’m mentioning are famous, are known, are in the korean spotlight, more or less. And their careers are not fucked up. Sometimes it’s fanservice, some others it’s who they are. Somi really likes women too, imo, and Bibi as well.

I get that for women it might be easier. There’s a group (a big group) of people who prefers gay interactions between women than gay interactions between men. They find it pleasing, and it’s an homophobic, toxic masculinity and women fetishization related preference.

But still, most people are fine with it. Yeah someone probably criticized it, probably hated on them because of these behaviours, but at the end of the day everything is fine for them.

I’m thinking about J-Hope too, who has gay friends and publicly shares pictures with them. He even visited a gay club and, again, probably some people criticized him for it and i’m just not on that side of the internet and the fandom, but at the end of the day his career is not gonna end because of it. Most People are fine with that too. He wears nail polish, tae does too. Can you imagine Jm or Jk doing that publicly? The hate they’d get? Maybe i’m wrong and it wouldn’t be like that; but that’s how i feel.

Then i think about Holland. His coming out had a huge impact on his career, his life. The aggressions he was victim of; his music not being so followed and famous, probably also because of said coming out.

I think about every kpop artist who is closeted and can’t say it. I think about Jikook, about Jimin who had to “play” with colors, lyrics, temporary tattoos and playful interviews (such as the “I think he likes men-> I don’t like you” one) in order to silently whisper that he’s not straight. That there’s more he can’t show.

And then Jikook in general. They could never afford to do what ateez and enhypen did. Never, bpp. We know that. So why?

Why is there this difference, why is it so… difficult for me to get how this works. Why can they do it, but Jikook can’t? But bts can’t? Why is there a limit for some idols, and some others are almost completely free? What am I missing?

I hope my question is clear, bpp. I really do, because i feel like i made a mess here all over the place. I’m sorry about it, thank you for reading this, if you did.

I appreciate you🫶

***

Hi Anon,

Don’t apologize.

So if I’m reading this right, you’re asking why the reaction to jikook showing queer expression is so much more negative than you see it for anyone else / other duos and groups?

Or, maybe quoting you is better:

“And then Jikook in general. They could never afford to do what ateez and enhypen did. Never, bpp. We know that. So why?”

I’m not sure if what I’ll say will make sense, and this might seem silly, but I think one reason jikook/BTS appear to have fewer liberties on things like explicit/overt shows of love/attraction between them, even under the umbrella of ‘fan service’ and compared to other groups, is because BTS is the biggest group in the world. Just by virtue of the group’s prominence, BTS being very closely tied with several government appointments and massive brands in Korea (Samsung and Hyundai)… there’s a greater expectation of conformity for them compared to other groups. There’s just more at stake for them.

I mean, do you recall the lead up to the enlistment news? How people were picking them apart, people who didn’t think they should be exempt where digging into their old footage trying to find anything to turn public opinion against the group. It was kinda crazy. In that sort of environment and in any case, the prudent thing would be to wait till after military service to expect more freedom in expression for a boy group. And perhaps that’s what we’ll see with jikook and BTS in general come 2026.

But also, the thing is, jikook have still been quite loud… in some ways even louder than Somi’s declarations (but certainly not Holland’s and the cost to him and any openly gay artist is apparent to see). GCF in Tokyo is so loud, it couldn’t be louder if JK got a megaphone, climbed to the top of the Eiffel Tower and screamed that he loves Jimin in the four cardinal directions. No matter what anybody says about GCF in Tokyo, that video itself is very clear and it says it all.

Then there’s the gesture of Jimin flying from Paris to Korea just to spend some time with Jungkook on his birthday, and then more recently, flying to NYC to be with JK during Seven debut. There’s the way their families treat them both. There’s that OT7 live where Jimin kept one half of his body literally glued to Jungkook’s on the couch, hooking his arms to keep their thighs together that not even air could pass between them. Then there’s fucking Rosebowl, pardon my French.

Like, even with all the scrutiny, jikook have still been able to say what they actually want about what they each mean to each other. Jimin is usually private and careful with how he speaks in general, he’s not the kind of person to talk the way Somi did about anything, really. So expecting a similar level and style of communication/queer expression, for jikook compared to these other people, really isn’t fair to Jimin or Jungkook to begin with, I think.

It’s totally okay if as a fan you’d like to see more open, simple and consistent expressions of queerness the way we have it in OnlyOneOf, Ateez, Bibi, etc. Those groups are made in some ways precisely to scratch that itch. It’s good the way they talk about queer attraction draws you in or resonates with you, but I’m not sure it’s fair to expect other people, in this case jikook and/or BTS, to express their relationship and queer feelings the same way.

If you’re approaching this solely from the point of concern for jikook, I totally get it. Korea is very homophobic. But within their immediate team, I hope and trust they are surrounded by more good people than bad, people who will aim to protect the queer members. There’s no use worrying about this for long, since they’ll just have to learn to take care of themselves.

I could’ve totally missed your question or what you’re actually asking, Anon. If so let me know. But the above is also what I think.

[smaller-comfort]

In conclusion:

On the one hand, I do have a lot to say about this story. On the other, it's been a weird few weeks and I probably need to take a break from the internet for a while, in general. (Am I going to? Probably not.)

All things considered, my notes are a lot less hysterical than I was expecting. Here we go!

The expanding text was a last minute addition, but I'm glad people had fun with it. I certainly had fun with it. The "Pause" at the top of chapter 6 probably makes me laugh the most, but the ones in chapters 3 and 4 were what made me stick the cuts in there to begin with.

I really wasn't expecting to actually finish and/or post this one any time soon (or ever???) but, like I said- a weird few weeks. I don't usually hyperfocus on a single project like this, and lately my brain feels like it's going to implode. Anyway!

Who is the second person narrator in the expanding text? I leave that as an exercise for the reader.

Death of the author and all that, but here's some of the background stuff that probably ought to be in the story but isn't:

It's really only a few months between Dreaming Still and Save Scumming; Aephorul wasn't actually lying about the spell being a rush job, and Resh'an absolutely did not do his due diligence before he opened that vial.

They're idiots! That's it, that's the real theme; they make each other stupid, and they mirror each other's poor decision making constantly.

(I'm not trying to be like...a subtle writer. I have these themes and ideas nailed to a two-by-four. I am going to beat someone to death with them. At least, that's how it feels to me, but I realize that may not necessarily translate as well as I think it does.)

After not speaking to each other for a thousand years and then getting thrown back together- however briefly- during the events of the game and Loser Takes All, they're both desperate for any excuse to see each other again. They just have to make things complicated for themselves.

Aephorul really could have just sent a letter, like "hey wanna grab coffee somewhere neutral sometime and ~not argue~ for a little while less-than-three winky face winky face?" (He dictates.) And Resh'an would've replied back, "I don't drink coffee anymore" along with a location and time. (He does still drink coffee; Aephorul swings by Sea of Starbucks and gets him his favorite latte.)

Resh'an intended the time loop to be insurance, in case something did go wrong. Whoops. He can't help it, but he's really only playing twelve dimensional chess with himself. Aephorul, meanwhile, is playing poker. I could torture this metaphor a little more, if you want.

Pure, organic, unfounded headcanon territory! Aephorul can't manipulate time the way Resh'an can- but he does know more about time magic and alchemy than anyone else in the universe except Resh'an. When he's paying attention, he's able to see what Resh'an is doing, and he's on hyper alert after his embarrassing lapse in Dreaming Still.

He doesn't have a clear sense of the events of those other loops, but he does get a pretty clear idea of the emotions he's experiencing. Anger tends to compound itself.

Hokay so. In the game, Resh'an splits himself into 3 "clones" during Garl's borrowed time. Those aren't empty puppets; my theory is he made a time loop, iterated himself, and then reintegrated those loops into the main timeline. That's sort of what happened here. The time loops are separate and concurrent, so my cutesy framing device is slightly misleading; technically no one is going back to restart the loop.

Okay, technically some of them do. There were probably more iterations than just the three in the story. They're not really important, except one of them is going to be a standalone story at some point (no happy ending).

It's not linear. Don't worry about it.

There are some fucked up implications here! This is not Resh'an's first rodeo/orgy/extremely ill-advised gangbang. It's also not the first time Aephorul has sexually assaulted him. It might be the first time those things happen in conjunction with each other, but Resh'an is being fairly literal when he says none of this is new to him.

Does this even rate in the top 10 of horrific things Aephorul has done to Resh'an? It might be like...8th or 9th place. Definitely not in the top 5, in Resh'an's opinion. (He and Aephorul have very different opinions about this.)

The fact that he and Resh'an now have wildly different ideas of what constitutes "fun" is also difficult for him. He'll get there eventually. Maybe.

Aephorul really wants to pretend things between them haven't changed; before they began fighting, they would've gotten up to all kinds of weird and horrifying shit with each other, because it was fun and they were bored. (What's the point of being immortal if you can't use it to spend a few centuries inventing bizarre recreational drugs and weird sex acts? No point at all.) He's not used to asking for permission when he could always just take it for granted that Resh'an would ultimately enjoy whatever he had planned. The fact that Resh'an no longer appreciates his fun little surprises is difficult for him to deal with.

One thing I really hope comes through is the way Aephorul's actions are him being extremely reactive to Resh'an's level of vulnerability. He can be gentle when Resh'an is willing to show that he's in pain. If Resh'an had begged him not to go through with it, chapter 3 wouldn't have happened; if chapter 3 didn't happen, then chapter 4 couldn't happen. It takes Resh'an being completely broken for Aephorul to be willing to show his face. Even then, he can't help responding to Resh'an's initial anger like a complete fucking asshole, before his 'wait, shit, I fucked up' instincts kick in.

It doesn't matter in any meaningful sense- what Aephorul does is inexcusable on every level- but he does erase the memories of everyone who participated in the gang rape, and most of the audience was illusionary. There's a few plot hooks in there that I may or may not pick up in a future story.

But really, I'm done with plot for a while. I think most of what's going to follow this will just be more snarsty porn. Enthusiastically consensual snarsty porn, but snarsty porn all the same.

(Since I'm apparently not done experiencing the mortifying ordeal of being known, I do intend to finish the oviposition story. Someday. Probably.)

I feel like I can summarize a lot of their relationship at this point like this:

Resh'an, face completely neutral and voice pleasant: Say one more word and I am going to mcfucking lose it.

Aephorul: one more word

Resh'an: *mcfucking loses it*

Aephorul: *shocked Pikachu face*

I listened to Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) by Florence and the Machine so many times while editing this that I think I'm now stuck with that as my Resh'an song. Embarrassing.

(Aephorul's song is, unfortunately, still Where's the Girl from The Scarlet Pimpernel.) ("We were cut from the same surly star" come on, how can I not.) (...okay also Bad Touch by The Bloodhound Gang.)

Resh'an literally broke the space-time continuum because he couldn't bring himself to kill Aephorul. This story was, in part, me wanting to work through why. I have apparently decided that it's because they're in a horrifically toxic codependent relationship that most likely will end with them destroying the universe and each other.

...okay, and honestly, when I wrote the end of Dreaming Still I was kind of like "shit, I can't just write the same scenario as Loser Takes All again." I mean. I could. But I had to do something a little different. Then it got out of hand, as things so often tend to.

This is the longest thing I've ever finished! I am actually quite proud of it! It is probably going to be at least a month before I can stand to look at it again. *sighs, and walks into the lake*

[sneakertin]

auughhhrh. i think i have adhd but. maybe i don't. idk. i don't wanna self diagnose but at this point im torn between thinking "there's no fucking way i don't have it" and "but what if i don't". getting a diagnosis is Impossibly difficult and stressful and expensive and we barely have any even remotely working medication where i live so it's not really an option for now. but if i do have it then that means there's an explanation for everything that's wrong with me and it all has a reason and it's not something I'm personally responsible for. but if i don't then that means that im just a lazy stupid nobody with no ambitions. which would be very sad but goddamn there are way too many symptoms to even consider myself being neurotypical. for some reason i feel like it's getting worse and worse everyday but that's probably because i just started uni and there's a lot of change in my life and i haven't been getting enough sleep lately cus i physically can't fall asleep before midnight or sometimes even later but i have to wake up at six. and also because there's a thing that constantly stresses me out at all times(calculus) that i feel like i genuinely can't do anything about even if i try really hard. but i just constantly feel like I'm not in control of my own brain. focusing is so damn hard and even when i do focus i loose it very quickly and end up just bouncing back and forward trying to keep my mind in one place. when i try to read something for homework it feels like my eyes just don't wanna look at the screen and i have to force them not to look away. every couple of minutes or less my thoughts drift away and i only notice it afterwards. when i try to sit down and watch a calculus lecture in hopes of understanding this little personal hell of mine i feel soooo frustrated it almost feels like physical pain and i just turn it off after two minutes. i can't do anything and i don't want to. every task feels like there's a weight on my shoulders. I'm so irresponsible. i keep ignoring or putting off stuff that i need to do and someday the consequences will catch up to me. i don't wanna study. i just wanna do only the stuff that i like all the time. i wanna waste money and go to pretty cafes and buy snacks and be on the internet and watch my fav shows and read fanfiction and read books and analyse literature and watch movies and cry because of them and watch video essays and sometimes cook and clean and draw and draw and draw all the time. which is so embarrassing because im so privileged. i have the chance to get education and yet i feel like I'm not grateful enough and i feel so guilty for being so lazy all the time. im not saying that i wanna drop out, no. but the situation is that I'm not studying what i wanted rn but I'm gonna transfer to where i want at the end of the semester but that means i have to study all these subjects that i despise and don't understand at all and somehow not get expelled till january.

ok, so, i started writing this when i was a bit overstimulated but now that i have written my thoughts down i feel like things are fine now and i feel better. urghh. i don't even know if should post this now. that's so embarrassing, why am i so dramatic.

anyway. but i do fuck up things in my life very often because i put off things that i don't wanna do. when i had my extremely important school exams that would determine whether i get into uni or not, i barely even studied for them. i only did like a day/half a day of active studying for each subject. i kept procrastinating even when that fucking exam that some people have mental breakdowns over was due to be the next day. i did get into uni, but not into the course that I wanted, because my exam results were not quite enough. but that wasn't really a problem because i could've easily transferred to where i want at the very start of the semester, but. i kept putting it off and it turned out you can only do that during the first two weeks and now I'm in the situation that I've described earlier. and don't even get me started on the shitshow that happened when i was in driving school. and it was all entirely my fault. and school in general have always been difficult for me but in school i could get away with not doing anything cus im not stupid, and i even had good grades. but that doesn't work in uni cus in uni they don't teach you anything, you learn everything yourself, and i quite literally can't study. adhd medication sounds like a dream, honestly. you take a pill and suddenly you can function like a normal person and work for hours and even enjoy it. how fucking cool is that.

so ehmm. i don't really have anything to say, just wanted to write. something. don't mind me, really :)

wait, no. i just remembered why i wrote all this. so, I'm kind of addicted to tiktok, which is my greatest curse and i accidentally got into fucking "studytok" and now my fyp is filled with happy american uni students studying for 12 hours straight and talking about obscure studying techniques with weird names and all of that is just. so. from another realm from me, honestly. how do they do that. am i even the same species as them