#but somehow the evil sociopaths are always the problem

[clusterlgbt]

Honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong whatsoever with not feeling "negative" emotions such as grief, guilt, etc. What matters is how you DEAL with the situation, not how you FEEL about it.

For people with ASPD, SZPD, autism, certain psychotic disorders, NPD -- pretty much any disorder that may cause low empathy or flat affect -- it's just a fact of life we don't always (or ever) feel those emotions. (And of course there's way more disorders and symptoms than the ones I just listed, and of course some people who DO have those disorders CAN feel said emotions!)

If you hurt someone and don't regret it, that by itself does not make you a bad person. In fact, if you hurt someone, and want to amend the situation and not hurt that person again IN SPITE OF not feeling guilt? That's amazing. That's amazing and, in my opinion, very selfless.

If you don't feel grief after a loved one dies it doesn't mean you're an awful person who never valued them. As long as you stand by the people who DO feel grief, and offer them comfort or space or whatever, then it's fine that you don't feel it, because you're still being compassionate to those who do.

Honestly even if you feel annoyed or irritated or what have you at the people who are hurting, even that isn't anything shameful, because again it's about what you do, not about how you feel.

Maybe I'm just making defenses for my own ASPD self, but it really doesn't seem like a problem to me. Feelings are private, after all, actions and reactions are what's public, so it matters how you treat others, not how you feel about said others.

Statements like this might make empaths uncomfortable but I stand by it. No one is a bad person just for the way that they "feel", not to mention that a lack of remorse/guilt/sadness/etc is itself a symptom of many disorders and a common trauma response.

[randomshyperson]

hey mary, do you like Loki? Did you watch the finale?

(this ask has spoilers)

Before the show, no. I didn't like Loki at all. This is funny because MCU Loki was the only version of the character I couldn't stand, while in Assassins Creed, Loki easily became one of my favorite video-game characters. Of course, that's on Disney and the way they poorly wrote the characters as this sociopath genocide who envies his brother and never tried to reconnect with his original race or anything. Even after Ragnarok, with Loki stealing the Stone, he was just off for me. And then the first season came, and he was still showing dictator behaviors, acting like he had the right to control everybody else, and I was like "Ugh white man" - Yes, MCU Loki is a white cisgender dude, and this is from a critical point of view. Disney never worked with the possibility of him being genderfluid, and a fucking 1-inch note on the side of the screen during the credits doesn't change the way Tom Hiddleston has portrayed the character as a cisgender man. And don't get me started on how problematic the whole Sylvie Female Loki is okay- Do you wanna see a true genderfluid Loki? Go watch the Netflix "Ragnarok" Show. That said, I obv pretend Disney never wrote shit and Loki has always been explicitly genderfluid, and try to write him like that as well.

Anyway, I really liked the finale, especially if you compare the overall quality of this season with the first one; The show got better. Really better. it's way funnier, the rhythm is finer, and the dynamics between the characters work well. Even the photography is prettier. Of course, nothing is perfect. They got rid of the self-incest part (thank god) but somehow brought misogyny back on. Where did Sylvie's development go? Renslayer's? B-15's? Every female character is either evil or unimportant. Sylvie was literally the main in the first season but we barely got to see her now, only for her to be left with no ending. And the fact that even Kang's new variant got more screen time than Renslayer is a crime. At least we got a lot of Mobius, he's such a sweetheart.

But yes, I do like Loki. I didn't adore the finale, but I liked it a lot. Excluding the issues I mentioned before, Loki finally got his well-deserved development and GLORIOUS PURPOSE. I was so happy I got the reference and then I got so sad. He's alone, that poor soul. And I was left speechless, for a good moment I literally had to pause the show, when we got the "centuries later" logo. His willpower and determination to do the right thing after so long? Amazing. Two words to show the most unique and incredible growth a character ever had in the MCU before. Loki really became the master of time to save his friends, only in the end for his purpose to be alone without them. I AM NOT OKAY

btw, I would love to know what you guys thought about the ending, the whole god of stories being a thing now; did you guys like the show, I think it had one of the best endings for Marvel, just behind Wandavision (both shared the same problems, open holes in the narrative for future projects probably).

Good news for anyone who actually read to the end, this means I finally get to write my TVA!Reader x Wanda series, the most slow burn, enemies to lovers, ride-or-die couple ever wrote it; yay!

[theheavenlyrose]

Being Bothered by JJK's Character Writing pt. 1 (Geto Edition)

My man, your plan was nonexistant.

What exactly was Geto's plan to rid the world of cursed energy/non-sorcerers to protect sorcerers? He wasn't going for Yuki's goal to somehow turn everyone into Toji, that we know.

The Night of a 1000 Demons was a diversion to isolate Yuta, but like... why did he need Rika? What was she going to do for him? Having more cursed energy wouldn't let him defeat Gojo and I don't think he wanted to fight Gojo in the first place. Did he want her near unlimited cursed energy? What for? I'd think it was to power some kind of genocide machine, or use a Rika powered Uzumaki to somehow eliminate all non-sorcerers. But like... sorcerers make up a very small percentage of humans, so how does he expect society to function when most of its population goes poof?

From his backstory in Hidden Inventory I get that his actions were driven by hatred of non-sorcerers, who create never-ending garbage for him to swallow and result in the deaths of countless sorcerers, as well as treat sorcerers like trash in the rural parts of Japan. It never feels like his actions are driven by a love for sorcerers primarily, just the hatred of non-sorcerers. I can't believe that the man was ever very compassionate when he just murders his parents, who did nothing wrong, in cold blood with zero remorse. I don't know if the intention was to portray Geto as a good person corrupted into evil by a system he feels powerless to fix, but if that's the case the execution was... bad. Being depressed and going on a murder spree doesn't make you tragic. How the hell do you go from supposedly being in favor of protecting those who can't protect themselves to hating them all with extreme prejudice without once reflecting on your actions in over a decade? It makes more sense for someone like Naoya, raised in a powerful sorcerer family with little to no contact (presumably) with non-sorcerers to have these kinds of beliefs, not Geto who was raised as a regular human in a family of humans. Even with the Toji trauma, you'd think he'd view the situation with more nuance and gravity, since he grew up around non-sorcerers. (But this ties into a bgger problem of Gege refusing to show the human world in a good light even once.)

I don't know if its supposed to be that he was waiting for someone to stop him because he knew his nonexistent plans would never work and he just wanted to be a beacon of hope for non-sorcerers. Wanted to direct his compassion somewhere he could justify and where it would be cherished when it was just exploited while he was working as a sorcerer for the benefit of non-sorcerers. That would have been pretty tragic, and would have made his "I could never wear a genuine smile in this world." line from JJK 0 carry more weight. As it stands the narrative reads as if he was always twisted and just needed the right trigger to snap. The weak were either the helpless cattle he so graciously gave his everything to save, or the parasites eating the strong. Its believable that he could have fallen so hard as to justify genocide at some point, but we never see him view the situation with the maturity of an adult, its very black and white thinking. Suitable for our teenage cast, not so much for a near thirty year old. Again, I don't think I would be nearly as bothered about this if we saw him have an ounce of internal conflict at any point and really show his love for his sorcerer family. But in-text, Gojo showed more compassion to others that Geto ever did.

TL:DR: Geto is not a complicated villain who chose a dark path to save people he cared about. He's a sociopathic murderous manchild lashing out at the world for a decade. There's little indication that he was a caring and compassionate person even in HI, which reduces him in JJK 0 to just a one-note "haha I'm evil" villain with a sympathetic veneer to try and mask that fact. It's a shame. I think Gege had a really interesting character on his hands that he could have made incredible even if he didn't know where JJK was going to go after 0.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Facebook's alternative facts

Facebook acquired a company called Crowdtangle in 2016; it makes a social media analytics tool that the press has used to monitor subject-matter trends on Facebook, especially in the runup to the 2020 elections.

Facebook just gutted Crowtangle.

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/14/technology/facebook-data.html

Crowdtangle had operated as a semiautonomous unit within Facebook, primarily used by media companies to track the social media performance of their stories. A turning point came when the NY Times’s Kevin Roose figured out how to rank posts that included links to the real web.

Roose created a Twitter account called @FacebooksTop10 that served as a moment-to-moment leaderboard for the most popular web-links being “engaged with” on Facebook (Facebook separates “engagement” — liking and replying — from “reach” — how many people see a post).

Roose’s research revealed that far-right cranks like Ben Shapiro and Sean Hannity were dominating Facebook’s news ecosystem. These reports were most unwelcome within Facebook leadership, whose internal communications were leaked to Roose.

These leaks reveal the anxieties of top Facebook leaders — including Nick Clegg, the former UK Deputy PM who sold out his supporters, created the conditions for Brexit, and then landed a cushy, 4-million-per-year job as head of FB’s “global affairs.”

These leaders worried that objective data about Facebook users’ “engagement” would validate suspicions that the service was a far-right echo-chamber whose US users were trending to ageing conservatives, a group that advertisers are lukewarm on.

Facebook’s leaders debated what to do about this and ultimately decided to neuter Crowdtangle, replacing it with selective disclosures that put the service in a better light, choosing among several other metrics (like reach) to characterize the discourse on the platform.

Publicly, Facebook says it’s not killing Crowdtangle, but rather, integrating it into an “integrity team” — minus its leadership (on “vacation” with no defined role at the company) and key personnel (who are being scattered to other parts of the business).

Facebook’s attack on Crowdtangle is significant, especially in light of its sustained assault on independent accountability and transparency tools like Ad Observer, a project from NYU’s engineering school.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/20/sovkitsch/#adobserver

Ad Observer tracks paid political disinformation on the platform. Its users volunteer to install a free/open browser extension that captures the ads Facebook serves to them. These are flensed of any private information and uploaded to Ad Observatory, a public repository.

Accountability journalists and researchers use Ad Observatory to track whether Facebook is living up to its public promises to limit paid political disinformation. The project has documented many failures to uphold those promises.

In its smear campaign against Ad Observer, Facebook has insisted that the project is both dangerous (Facebook falsely claims it captures private information) and redundant, because Facebook maintains its own ad repository for researchers.

But Ad Observer has already caught multiple instances of paid political disinformation that was not included in Facebook’s repository.

Facebook has proven that it cannot be trusted to honestly reflect its own practices in its transparency efforts.

As Crowdtangle enters a decline — leadership sidelined, engineers scattered — we should interpret Facebook’s promises to replace it with its own “accountability” tools, run by the leadership faction that decried Roose’s top-10 list, in light of the Ad Observer fiasco.

After all, these leaders insisted that the problem with Roose’s list is that it measured “engagement” and not “reach” — but when the company produced its own internal “reach”-based leaderboards, they looked much the same as the “engagement” ones.

Roose agrees with FB leaders in that Facebook isn’t merely a far-right echo chamber (he says that it contains such a chamber, but that’s not the whole story). But there’s one way in which FB is firmly Trumpian: its insistence on “alternative facts.”

Trump is a bullshitter, raised in the “positive thinking” church of Norman Vincent Peale, whose gospel dictated that you could manifest new realities by insisting that they were already here — “fake it till you make it” (AKA “gaslighting”).

https://www.npr.org/2017/01/19/510628862/how-positive-thinking-helped-propel-trump-to-the-presidency

This ideology — call it gaslightism — is the fantasy that powerful people can warp reality simply by declaring it to be something else (think of the GWB official who sneered at the “reality-based community” and its skepticism over war in Iraq).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality-based_community

It’s a common trait among wealthy narcissists. Elon Musk insists that the laws of physics will bend to his satellite internet network and allow for multiple universes’ worth of electromagnetic signalling.

He’s sure that the laws of geometry will bend to his tunnels and somehow relieve traffic congestion by adding private vehicles; that he will make massive leaps in computer science and create safe autonomous vehicles.

Trump’s insistence the virus would “disappear…like a miracle” was just the latest installment in a long history of bullshitting (“positive thinking”), including things like pretending to be his own publicist, boasting to journos about his prowess.

https://www.dailywire.com/news/audio-listen-donald-trump-pretend-be-his-own-hank-berrien

Facebook’s desire to “control the narrative” is part of this intellectual tradition, and it’s hardly the first time the company has done it.

Early in the company’s history, Zuckerberg defended his “real names” policy by saying that anyone who objected was “two-faced.”

It’s hard to overstate how deranged this is: surely Zuckerberg presents a different facet of his identity to his spouse, his kids, his shareholders, his co-workers and the press. It’s not “two faced” to talk to your boss differently from how you talk to your lover.

However, by forcing billions of Facebook users to confine themselves to a single identity, Zuckerberg does make it easier to target them with ads. This “two-faced” business is just an attempt to will a radical, sociopathic norm into existence.

This attitude permeates Facebook’s corporate conduct: remember the “pivot to video?” Facebook wanted to compete with Youtube — the number two supplier of display advertising, after FB itself — so it declared that videos were very popular on Facebook.

Not that videos would be popular — they were already popular. The company told its media and ad partners that they were missing out on a gold-rush because FB users loved watching FB videos.

Media companies literally laid off their newsrooms in order to hire video production teams based on this intelligence. The entire media- and ad-ecosystem reoriented itself around Facebook’s market intelligence.

There was just one problem. Facebook was lying. FB users weren’t watching its videos, and Facebook knew it. The company was just betting that if it convinced media companies to spend billions making videos, its users would watch them.

https://www.wired.com/story/facebook-lawsuit-pivot-to-video-mistake/

This fraud devastated the media world, first by triggering waves of layoffs of experienced journalists to make way for young video producers, then by killing or hobbling their employers and triggering another wave of mass layoffs.

Zuckerberg knows it’s not “two-faced” to show different parts of yourself to different people. Facebook knew that no one was watching FB videos. They were just betting that they could fake it until they made it — the core tenet of gaslightism.

The Crowdtangle affair is more of the same. Facebook’s US market is dominated by furious, old conservatives. The company knows it — but they also know that if they admit it, people who don’t match that description will be less likely to stay on its platform.

They know that advertisers don’t pay much to reach that audience. They know that an aging user-base will dwindle over time unless there’s a cohort coming in behind it. They think that if they suppress the true nature of their business, the nature will change.

Gaslightism is what Exxon embraced half a century ago, when it suppressed its own scientists’ conclusions that its product would render our planet unfit for human habitation. They were betting that if they just kept the news quiet, something might come up that changed it. #ExxonKnew

The wealthy and powerful have always practiced gaslightism (hence folktales like “The Emperor’s New Clothes”).

To be clear, we’re all prone to kidding ourselves with wishful thinking, but wishful thinking is different when it’s combined with unchecked power.

That’s why Thomas Jefferson argued for an anti-monopoly clause in the Bill of Rights — not because he disbelieved in smart people with good ideas, but because he disbelieved in infallible people.

Mark Zuckerberg is not an evil supergenius. He’s not a supergenius, or any kind of genius. He’s just an everyday mediocrity like you or me, someone who talked himself into thinking that he should be the czar of 3 billion lives.

https://locusmag.com/2018/07/cory-doctorow-zucks-empire-of-oily-rags/

The problem of concentrated, unaccountable, autocratic power isn’t evil supergeniuses. The problem is people no better or worse than you or me, indulging their worst impulses with no one to call bullshit on them.

Nerfing Crowdtangle and attacking Ad Obverser are just ways for Facebook to preventing journalists from calling bullshit on it — a way to further secede from the reality-based community. It’s pure gaslightism.

Image: Japanexperterna.se (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/japanexperterna/15251188384/

Minette Lontsie (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Facebook_Headquarters.jpg

CC BY-SA: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Anthony Quintano (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/quintanomedia/41793468502

CC BY: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[thesoftboiledegg]

OK, now that I've gotten my least favorite episodes out of the way, here's my ranking of my favorite Rick and Morty episodes (up to season four):

Season one: "Close Rick-counters of the Rick Kind" I don't think this is necessarily the best episode, but it's still my favorite episode of all time. The Citadel of Ricks sounds ridiculous (or rick-diculous) in theory, but somehow that episode makes it work. This show introduces so many great concepts: the Citadel, Doofus Rick, evil Morty, the evil Rick robot. It was fascinating to see a sweet, gentle Rick that got along well with Jerry as well as an evil Morty whose true motivations are still unknown. Plus, this episode was fun and hilarious to boot. It's basically the ideal Rick and Morty episode--a fun, exciting adventure that introduces an intriguing sci-fi concept and sets up a bigger story that carries through the rest of the show. I'm still wondering what Rick's comment about a "cocky Morty" was about (and I'm pretty sure the rest of the fandom is, too.)

Season three: "The Rickshank Redemption" OK, this is it. This is the best Rick and Morty episode of the entire series. The episode cleverly starts with a fake-out, then turns into an exciting, fast-paced adventure that actually shows Rick's brilliance instead of just telling us that he's smart. We get our biggest glimpse of Rick's backstory to date (who knows how much of it is true, but still), character development for Morty and Summer, worldbuilding for the Citadel of Ricks and a brilliant callback to "Rick Potion #9." At the end, Beth and Jerry finally separate, a decision that has major impacts for the rest of the season instead of resetting itself in the next episode. The insanity all culminates in Rick going on another unhinged, manic tirade in the garage that ushers in the "darkest year of our adventures." This episode also had a huge cultural impact with the now-infamous Szechuan sauce reference. I don't think Rick and Morty is ever going to top this one, which is so well-paced that it feels like it's longer than twenty minutes.

Season three: "The Ricklantis Mixup" The Citadel worldbuilding is excellent (and again, it's a concept that shouldn't work, but somehow does), but what really makes this episode stand out is how it weaves together multiple stories that seem like they're unrelated at first but come together in the final conclusion. This episode is a brilliant commentary on the issues that plague modern society (which is rare for Rick and Morty) and explores how Ricks and Mortys from alternate realities can be wildly different, which doesn't really come up in other multiverse episodes. The artwork in this episode is top notch, too. Just a phenomenal episode all around.

Season two: "Interdimensional Cable 2" This is probably the episode I've watched the most. I wasn't a fan of the first Interdimensional Cable episode, but this episode pretty much fixed all the issues that I had with it. Most of the clips were so bizarre and unfamiliar that you actually felt like you were watching episodes from another reality. "Lil Bits" and "The Adventures of Stealy" are my favorite clips. The framing device with Jerry was also hilarious and gave us a fascinating glimpse at an alien hospital (OK, it was mostly jokey, but still.) Rick and Morty has some issues with the animation, but the alien designs are always excellent.

Season two: "Mortynight Run" This episode was just an awesome Rick and Morty adventure. I loved the brightly colored alien worlds that they explored and the way Rick's plans spun wildly out of control. Blips and Chitz and the Jerry daycare sound kind of silly in theory, but they ended up being perfect additions to this episode. Plus, this episode had a lot of memorable interactions between Rick and Morty. "That's the difference between you and I--I never go back to the carpet store."

Season two: "Total Rickall." This episode is so much fun. The concept is brilliant, and the solution to the problem is actually really clever, not a dumb cop-out. The crazy characters that keep showing up are hilarious--and best of all, this show introduced Mr. Poopybutthole. I love how the animators added him into the opening sequence. Plus, the twist at the end of the episode is genuinely shocking. The audience thinks that they have it figured out and the Smith family is naively letting him stay in their lives. But nope--Mr. Poopybutthole is actually real, and Beth might have just killed him. To top it all off, the after-credits scene is brutal. "He says he's sorry that you didn't have any bad memories of him."

Season three: "Rest and Ricklaxation" I probably don't have to tell you how much this episode is a brilliant exploration of Rick and Morty's characters. What I love about it is how it doesn't go the way you'd expect. Rick and Morty become "nice" and happy, but it's actually detrimental to their personalities--Rick is a hollow shell who doesn't care about his grandson, and Morty is basically a high-functioning sociopath. The part where detoxified Rick burps and says "Excuse me" is pure genius.

Season three: "Vindicators 3: The Return of Worldender" I feel like a lot of people don't like this one, but it was a fun send-up of superhero movies (I'm saying this as an MCU fan) as well as a great exploration of Rick's toxic, codependent relationship with Morty. I mean, the entire plot basically happens because Morty said (or implied) that he likes the Vindicators more than Rick. This was also one of the rare times when we see Rick when he's hardcore blackout drunk (as opposed to his regular level of drunkenness.) "Who the fuck is Noob-Noob?" is my favorite ending line of the entire series.

Season four: "The Vat of Acid Episode" I didn't rank this one higher because I have to be in a certain mood to watch it, but it stands out because it's utterly different from any other Rick and Morty episode. This episode wasn't afraid to take risks, like setting up a basic plot (Rick and Morty being stuck in the vat the whole time) and veering away from that altogether. The long sequence with Morty's girlfriend was also pretty risky. I thought it was out of place when I first watched this episode, but now I think it adds a lot to the show. Then there's the fact that Rick's plot is so utterly cruel and brutal, even for him. The only slightly "redeeming" thing about it is that he created a way to undo the whole thing--but still, he put his grandson through an insane amount of emotional trauma just because he was starting to stand up to Rick. This episode also had some of the best Rick and Morty interactions of the entire series. "The Vat of Acid Episode" was complex, challenging and another one of those rare times where we see that Rick is truly brilliant.

Season three: "The Wedding Squanchers" I don't rewatch this episode all the time, but I liked this one because it had some good character moments like Beth finally admitting that she tolerates Rick's bullshit because she doesn't want him to leave again. This is also one of the rare episodes where Rick does something truly selfless that doesn't benefit him. We also see that Rick claiming that he doesn't care about anything is a bunch of bullshit--the way he screams when Tammy shoots Birdperson is tragic and horrifying. Plus, who saw that twist with Tammy coming? And of course--this episode sets up the best episode of the entire series.

[arcticdementor]

Some rambling, poorly-organized thoughts on state structures

On the recent nationalism and nations discussion, I don't want to give the wrong impression of my views, lest I seem like some sort of dedicated supporter of homogenous ethnostates.

After all, I've repeatedly said that it seems like practically nobody actually believes in Westphalian sovereignty anymore.

I get that nationalism creates a lot of problems, particularly in the wake of the breakup — or especially, carving up by outsiders — of a multiethnic, multicultural empire. The nigh-impossibility of fitting political borders to the human geography (thus usually leading the human geography to be forcibly transformed to match the political borders instead).

I mean, just earlier this month, when reading about the "highest" High German dialects, I wiki-walked my way into reading about the mess that was post WWI South Tyrol — a mess created by Woodrow Wilson's hard-on for "national self-determination" (and ignorance of the actual demography) — how one guy (Ettore Tolomei) created Italian place names to replace all the Austrian ones, and how its (Austro-Bavarian) German-speaking majority eventually faced the choice of either forced Italianization under the Fascists or relocation to Nazi Germany.

Or this recent thread at the Motte about the history of the Balkans from a couple of natives thereof, with, again, plenty of blame for Woodrow Wilson's dismantlement of the Habsburg domains.

Plus, I've seen plenty of people, left and right, argue that much of the problems of the Middle East are due to how the Western powers, and particularly Britain, carved up the failing Ottoman Empire (and yes, for many of the left-leaning ones, the creation of the modern state of Israel is at or near the top of that list).

One can also see all the messes in the former Soviet Union — Moldova, Transnistria, Ossetia, Abkhazia, Crimea, the Donets Basin, Nagorno-Karabakh, et cetera — as a similar "breakup of an empire" mess.

On the other hand, though, I also recall people once arguing that one of the major harms European colonialism inflicted upon Africa in "the scramble" was carving out territories and drawing up borders willy-nilly, without concern for the existing ethnic, linguistic, and cultural groupings — causing some groups who identified as one people to be split apart in some cases, and in others causing differing groups with historical animosities to be forced together. And further, that "fixing" this would involve African nations reorganizing themselves along ethno-religio-cultural-linguistic lines. (I have a further aside on this I may write-up later.)

And multi-ethnic empires have their own issues. Sure, some have allowed the constituent ethnic groups a fair amount of autonomy, such as the Ottoman "millet" system. But others, not so much — look at what happened to Gaulish and the other continental Celtic languages under Roman rule; or "Hanification" in China.

In multi-ethnic empires, there's always one central, ruling ethicity — usually the one that founded it. And there's a general extractive flow of wealth from the periphery to the core, and from subject peoples to the ruling people (when this flow reverses, and the ostensible rulers are instead paying the other peoples, is often when the Empire begins failing — note that it was the Turkish national movement that ultimately overthrew the Sultan). Plus, said rulers often play the subject peoples against each other.

In short, nationalist states have some problems, empires have some different problems.

Someone in one of the reply chains also made reference to Medieval kingdoms; particularly, to the idea that a ruler was "King of France" — because that's where the bulk of the territory he held was located — rather than "King of the French" — ruler of a specific people. The kind of thing that led to situations like the Spanish Netherlands, Norman Sicily, the King of England also being the Elector of Hanover, the kings of Sweden and Poland each claiming to be the rightful monarch of both territories, and so on.

Despite that, there's much to favor in such a thing. But, as so many people keep reminding me when I bring up my monarchist views, this was the product of a number of specific preconditions. First, the utter disintegration of the western Roman Empire, leaving mostly just hyper-local identities — particularly once the Germanic migrations stopped, and the Franks and Goths assimilated to their local subjects.

Second, that the kings, particularly at the start of any given dynasty, and even sometimes well into the Early Modern period, were basically warlords — I recall reading one historian refer to Gustavus Adolphus as "the worst kind of sociopath," and another argue that the life story of Henry VII is, in its broad strokes, basically the same as any number of Latin American dictators. Look at Clovis I, Harald Hardrata, or William the Conqueror, or…

Third, this state of affairs was also a product of the comparative weakness of those kings. Because, for quite some time, pretty much any local baron who owned a castle was a power to be reckoned with, and kings were often more "first among equals" with these lords — see King John, the Magna Carta, the Barons' War, and so on. This was a product of the military technologies of the time; effective war-fighting was by highly-trained, heavily-equipped elite cavalry — knights — who were expensive… but not so expensive that local lords couldn't afford to maintain an effective retinue of them. Defensive fortifications like castles were highly effective, and slow and costly to besiege.

Then cannons and early firearms came along, which actually served to centralize power — kings were able to use them to take more power and authority from the aristocracy, leading to the replacement of decentralized feudal structures with royal absolutism (and a growing central bureaucracy to run and manage said centralized government). Then later firearms made the average commoner with little training into an effective war-fighter — thus "the Age of the Gun" and resulting democratization of the centralized state.

I'll admit, it's hard to see a pathway back to that sort of mid-level balance — where neither the numbers of the common masses nor the deep pockets of a centralized state provide much advantage in war over a localized petty elite. The "Age of the Gun" may have ended, but our current military modes (with multi-million-dollar equipment) again favor the centralized state — either a nation-state or an empire — over both local authority and the common citizen. Some argue that 4th-generation warfare might see a return of "people power" (though I have my doubts); and I've seen others debate how expensive effective autonomous weapons of a coming "Age of the Drone" might prove, and thus what scale of political organization it favors.

Then there's the city-state, which has even more local autonomy, and which seems to be in many ways a preferable manner of organization. But the problem there, is that they almost always run afoul of the economies of scale in war-fighting. There's a reason those feudal barons, for all their power, ended up pledging fealty to one king or another, and even in the modern era, unless you either have somehow obtained WMDs with an effective long-distance delivery system, or are under the protective aegis of a larger polity with such, a lone city-state is just too easy to push around militarily, if not de-facto conquer.

Sure, Nick Land argued that while nuclear-tipped ICBMs will remain out of reach for microstates, we can expect city-states to proliferate again once DNA technologies mean they can have a WMD deterrent in the form of "$1000 smallpox" or other bioweapons. I don't suppose I have to tell you, particularly now, why having hundreds of labs around the world manufacturing and storing virulent and deadly man-made plagues does not sound like a good idea to me.

Going all the way back to Westphalia, again, I'd like to note that the key principle there was not anything about nationalism directly, but about religion — ending the generations of bloody post-Reformation wars with the "truce" principle of cuius regio, eius religio. That the religion of each state was the business of its government and its government only, and that it's no longer a ruler's place to intervene in a neighboring ruler's territory to rescue the souls of his subjects from vile heresy with fire and sword.

There's a certain echo of this in the proposals of certain libertarian, ex-libertarian, and libertarian-adjacent left-wing people of a loose confederation of microstates wherein, in an example of exit-over-voice, people are free to relocate so as to sort themselves on ideological (compare to religious) lines. Friedman's seasteads, Yarvin's "patchwork," and Alexander's "archipelago" all come to mind as core examples. But these have a number of issues. First, the ways in which they presuppose a level of mobility, of ability and willingness to relocate, that I find unrealistic to expect from much of the population. I note here that it seems to be a very specific sort of person who recommends this sort of solution.

Second, it very much requires a Westphalian live-and-let-live, what happens in the patch next door is none of my business no matter how wrong I believe it to be, attitude. But replace "one true faith" with "universal human rights" and saving souls from heresy with "humanitarian intervention," and we see that, like I said before, such a spirit is quite dead — "all it takes for evil to triumph…", "an injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere", et cetera. Like we saw with Libya, unless you have the WMD-MAD means to prevent it, expect the superpower to enact "regime change" on you if your way of life somehow offends their particular "universal" orthodoxy.

TL;DR: nation-state, empire, feudal kingdom, city-states, patchwork — it's trade-offs all around.

[silentfcknhill]

AtLA + LoK Villains Evilness Rating

(If you wanna dispute my ratings I’ll be happy to tell you why.)

ATLA:

Ty Lee - 0.5 /10

Cinnamon roll. Too pure for this world. Naïve and will put her faith in you 100%. Kind of ditzy but can take you down with no hard feelings. Needs to be liked by everyone. Is very flexible. Can strangle you with her legs and giggle while doing it. Chooses bad friends. Has frustratingly good luck. 

Uncle Iroh- 1/10

Actual angel but could still open up a can of whoop-ass if necessary. Too supportive and forgiving. Loves tea, sitting around, speaking in proverbs and leading by example. Probably considers you a friend. Surprisingly powerful but mostly peaceful. Hard to provoke but if you do, just run. Fear the nice ones. 

Jet- 3/10

Misguided and extreme but also traumatized. Don't get in his way. Kind of twisted and obsessive af. Ends justify the means, until they don't. Needs a proper role model and has potential. Can be unreasonable and is still kind of a jerk. Will gaslight you. 

Prince Zuko- 3.5/10

Conflicted, violent and angsty but mostly needs a lot of reassurance. Has a major boner for his honor. Will freak out over nothing. Has been through a lot and will not be underestimated. Grumpy and willful af and won't listen to you until it's too late, then will blame you for misleading him. 

June- 4/10 

Might beat you up or kidnap you for money but it's nothing personal. Might insult you as a way of flirting. Looks pretty and delicate but don't be fooled. Can beat you up in a split second and not break a sweat. Will probably take all your stuff and never give it back. Lives for the tough girl aesthetic. 

Mai- 5/10

Is just bored and over it all. Throwing knives is something to do. Apathetic and will probably just follow along with whatever including murder but will complain the entire time. Emo af. Would risk it all for a quick nap. Prone to bite your head off. Too smart for you and will let you know. 

Wan Shi Tong- 6.5/10

A total dick. Tired of your shit and is judging you. Thinks humans are garbage and won't get involved with them until it suits him. Don't touch his books or he will literally eat you. Nerdiest bastard. Doesn't trust you so don't try any shit with him. Sees through your pathetic lies. Kind of an elitist.

Combustion Man- 7/10 

Thinks blowing shit up is a form of art. Doesn't believe in communication. Very serious and focused. Do not fight him. Probably gets crapped on more than he deserves. A mystery wrapped in a bald head. Probably has a tattoo of the names of all the people he's killed and he's ready to add yours. 

Hama- 7.5/10

Traumatized old hag. Created bloodbending but too crazy to do much with it now. May kidnap you and keep you in a dank hole forever. Seems sweet at first but is hiding a lot of secrets. Don't eat her cooking. Thinks sitting at home scheming is a job. Hates you for whatever small thing you did to her 57 years ago. Forgets nothing. 

Long Feng- 8/10

Conniving af. Will brainwash you, lie to your face and maybe make you disappear. Wants everything and will plot to take it all. Perfectionist and control freak, will stab you in the back and you won't see it coming. Is tired of taking everyone's shit. Thinks he deserves better but he doesn't. Kills children. 

Admiral Zhao- 8/10 

Explosive temper. Huge egomaniac and narcissist. Hates the moon. Has probably killed a lot of people and fish and you're next. Will do whatever it takes. Won't listen to anything you say. Punch first, ask questions never. Jumps to a lot of conclusions, is usually wrong. Frequently embarrasses self. 

Koh the Face-Stealer- 8.5/10 

Terrifying and will probably steal your face. Do not approach. Too indifferent to chase you but can be sneaky af so watch your back. Doesn't handle emotions well. A total loner. The guy who knows everything but nobody wants to talk to. Fear him. To know him is to hate him. Makes you question everything. 

Firelord Azulon- 9/10 

Will order your execution on a whim and maybe a relative or two first for the appetizer. Do not question him. Will play favorites and call you out on things that are his fault. Overreacts and you should probably not be around when it happens. Disapproves of all your choices and is very vocal about this fact. Forces parents to kill their children. 

Firelord Sozin- 9/10

Will commit genocide and take over the world while yelling at you for minor shit. Kind of a petty and jealous asshole. Even if you think he is your friend he isn't and is going to attack you. A big old bully with bad breath and a wonky beard. The original starter of all drama and certified instigator shitlord. 

Princess Azula- 9/10 

Unstable and manipulative. Sadist who thrives off of your fear and suffering. Will hurt you badly in all the ways. Avoid at all costs. Acts cold and calculating but really has no chill. Demands your respect but won't earn it. Trolling you gives her pleasure. The spawn of satan and loving it. Mommy issues to infinity. 

Firelord Ozai- 9.5/10

Second worst dad ever. No soul. Will burn every tree and face to a crisp. Child abuse for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Actual sociopath. Will kill someone and banish you for it. Goatee comes first. Will project all his insecurities on you. Will tell everyone your secrets. World's biggest megalomaniac. 

LOK: 

Varrick- 3/10

Will probably lie, try to con you out of money, order you to do things for him and tell bad jokes but that's as far as it's gonna go. Eccentric and annoying af. Doesn't know when to shut up. Needs to learn some lessons in life. Attracts more trouble than he's worth. Has all the good gossip somehow. 

Bataar Jr.- 3/10

The guy that nobody likes because he tries too hard and ends up ruining everything. Enjoys being a bitch. Wants to rebel but is bad at it. Do you love me now father? Tries to act like he doesn't care what you think but cares way too much. Will not kill you but might get engaged to your ex to spite you. 

Police Chief Saikhan- 3.5/10 

Will do anything you say for a price, except give a fuck. Doesn't really care about anything. Might arrest you just because he doesn't like you. The type to pretend he didn't hear you just to avoid responsibility. Likes to yell into things. Hates helping people. Is actually a giant rock in disguise. 

Tahno- 3.5/10 

A total prick. Has nicer hair than you and won't let you forget it. Very flamboyant and arrogant. Will gloat over being better than you at everything even though he cheated every time. Talks mad shit but can't walk the walk. Ultimately a big baby. Lowkey protect him. Wants to be the cool kid but isn't cool. 

Desna- 4/10

Couldn't care less. Actual inanimate object. Lurks around for no reason. Hates everything and that includes you. Listens to his elders and would probably leave you for dead. Just wants to sleep. Secretly goth. Might actually be two small robots in a trenchcoat pretending to be human. 

Councilman Tarrlok- 4.5/10

Attention whore with a savior complex. Smol bean who wants approval. Acts arrogant but is secretly depressed and self-loathing af. Stubborn and clingy emotional wreck with impulse control issues. Needs a hug. Will probably manipulate you through guilt or charisma. Wants to be Lucius Malfoy, but cries at night. 

Hiroshi Sato- 5/10

Has lost sight of what's important. Total extremist. Will get revenge on you for something you didn't even do. Well respected and seems innocent but is plotting your downfall. Can build a whole army and take you down. Kind of a traitor. Loyalty is volatile. Thinks he always knows what's best for you but doesn't know shit. 

The Lieutenant- 5/10

In way over his head. Wants to make a difference but has let bitterness take over. Will probably electrocute you. Puts his faith in the wrong people. Kind of snobby and will hold a grudge. 99 problems and benders are about 98 of them. Tired of being pushed around but still lets himself be pushed around. FLOPPY MUSTACHE. 

Aiwei- 5.5/10 

Thinks he's better than you and probably isn't. Wants to be sneaky but really is just too predictable. Boring af and tries to be unique but fails miserably. Lets everyone take advantage of him. Don't lie to him. Will harbor resentment and take it out on you at a random point in time. Discount Long Feng but not as smart or ambitious. 

Eska- 5.5/10

Will stalk you aggressively. Thinks slavery is a relationship. Eyeliner sharp enough to kill. Never betray her or she will destroy you. Might use you as a footstool. Seems emotionally dead inside, but don't test her dormant waters. Uses everyone and feels no guilt. Hipster trash. No concept of boundaries or social interaction. 

Ghazan- 6/10

Sarcasm game strong enough to fatally wound you. Doesn't say much. Has tree trunks for limbs and will probably use them to throw lava and rocks at you. Lowkey protective af. Don't get on his bad side. You can't get on his good side. Would rather kill everyone including himself than let you win an argument. 

Zaheer- 6/10

A wannabe hippie but will still fight the system and you too. Don't try to control him. Gets annoyed when people breathe too loud. Is kind of a contradiction. Will literally blow you away. Anarchy equals freedom. Fuck the police. Can sit in the same spot for a really long time. Probably a flat earther. 

Ming-Hua- 7/10

Has a significant disability but can still easily slaughter you. Innovative and sneaky af. As fast and agile as an actual lemur. A natural disaster wherever she goes. Doesn't listen to your advice. Overcompensates a lot. Probably her own worst enemy. Is quiet and likes to eavesdrop on your business. 

Kuvira- 7.5/10 

Wants to control everything. Who invited her to poop the party? Highkey evil and just plain mean. Will use your corpse as a decoration if you get in her way. Secretly petty and superficial af. Thinks social bonding is trying to seduce you in order to take charge of your life. Individuality punishable by death. Even other villains hate her. 

P'Li- 7.5/10

Can explode you with her mind. Her gaze will pierce you to the core. Strong independent and violent woman who don't need a man but chooses to have one anyway. Will shave you off just like the sides of her hair. Has no problem fucking shit up. Boss bitch. Loyal to only a select few, so too bad for you. 

Amon- 8/10

Charismatic but scary and mysterious af. Huge hypocrite. Will silently judge you. Powerful, selfish and cruel. Manipulative as hell and uses intimidation to get you to comply. Pretends to have empathy but really just wants control. Will cripple you physically and emotionally without warning. Knows all of your weaknesses but none of his own. 

Earth Queen Hou-Ting- 8.5/10 

The actual worst. Eats your pets for supper. Her yelling is the #1 cause of deafness worldwide. Will keep you prisoner and then have you killed for looking at her. The bossiest Drama Queen ever. Will be the cause of all your misery and will be proud of it. Bark is the same as her bite. Lots of daddy issues. 

Chief Unalaq- 9/10 

Religious extremist. Actually batshit insane. Wants to destroy the entire world. Has ascended from this pathetic plane of human existence. Loner whose only friends are invisible. Wants you to think he's just shy and misunderstood but NOPE. Knows what you want to hear and says it. Will sell you to satan for one cornchip. 

Yakone- 9.5/10

Worst dad ever. Will either bloodbend you, try to live vicariously through you or both. Absolutely no redeeming traits except for being physically human. Abuse equals tough love. Might beat your ass for no good reason and expect your gratitude for it. Criminal mastermind with no conscience and all of the entitlement. 

Vaatu- 10/10

Actually the devil. Literal incarnation of darkness and chaos. Ultimate troll and force of disaster in the world. Doesn't know any better, but still an asshole by choice. Will use you until you're no longer of value. Has a hard-on for destruction. Likes to play the victim. Will consume your soul and burp loudly.

[bucky-iss-bae]

Reminiscences - Peter Hale x OFC (Part 4)

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Pairing: Peter Hale x OFC (Calla)

Word Count: 2000

Warnings: Swearing - Mentions of Death 

Summary: Calla has grown up as Derek’s best friend, she’s known the Hales her whole life,she’s known their secrets and everything in Beacon Hills. Things in Beacon Hills are quiet, the pack are a family, and Calla realises that Peter knows more of her secrets than she realises.

A/N: Hope you all enjoy, sorry for the mistakes, any feedback is welcome x

Peter Hale x OFC - Reminiscences Part 3

Part 4

I felt stupid, so stupid right now, he has no right to do this, I am a grown woman. He has no control over me, nor does Derek.

“What the fuck do you want you absolute prick” I said hitting his arm with my purse causing him to laugh.

“Just get in” He said opening the door to his car that most definitely costs more than my apartment does.

I glared at him before getting in, wishing that I could be sick anytime from here to getting home.

“Why haven’t you been answering anyone’s calls?” He asked. 

I shrugged, “I was busy. Now shut up and take me home.” I said to him crossing my arms over my chest.  

He scoffed and shook his head but started driving, “Do you know how worried my nephew has been? How worried I’ve been?”

“As I said Peter. I was busy, trying to have fun. Didn’t ask you to be worried, I’m not your problem, I’m no ones problem” I said to him.

“Busy doing what? Going out, getting drunk, acting like a stupid teenager?” he asked.

I turned and glared at him, “No. you don’t get to judge me alright. I am allowed to go out, I am allowed to have fun with my friends. Nothing and no one will stop me because it’s about time I start thinking about myself, that I start being more selfish! So I will, and I don’t really care if I haven’t answered anyone’s calls over the last few days. Maybe I just didn’t want to talk to anyone? But no instead you come out here somehow manage to track me down, and ruin such a good night. Because that’s what you’re good at isn’t it. Bad enough you don’t want me around any of you, but now you’re pulling me away from my friends, and people who want to be around me”

“Or maybe I’m looking out for you! You know that something is out there, yet you still insist on going out full well knowing that you’re in danger.”

I shook my head a grimace on my face, “There’s always bad things out there. Literally whether its supernatural or not. My life could end at any minute. I could get hit by a car, get shot, get mugged and stabbed, the possibilities are endless”  

“See that’s where you’re wrong. You really think I would let any of them happen to you?” he asked turning his head to stare at me.

“I don’t know, wouldn’t really be surprised if you were behind any of them” I muttered bitterly.

I noticed how his hands clenched around the steering wheel, this annoyed him, it may be a low blow, but I was pissed off.

“Calla. If you ever think I would let you get hurt, you can think again, I spared you when I was at my most murderous, so why would I not protect you now?”

“You sound like you were doing me a favour Peter, you had the chance to kill me, why didn’t you just take it, that would be just another kill that would be on your conscious”

I could feel his gaze on me as he looked across at me, “You really are stubborn, aren’t you?”

“Especially when I’m pissed off” I murmured

He couldn’t understand it, he couldn’t understand why I was pissed off, sure I get why he pulled me out of the club, this is Beacon Hills, something is always happening, he doesn’t want me getting hurt knowing there’s a few big bad’s out there somewhere tonight.

It annoyed me how he went about it. How he treated my like a child. How he thinks he’s doing everything perfectly. But he’s not. His best interest may be at heart, but do I really know this?

“Also just so you know, taking someone’s life, doesn’t affect me as much as you think it would”

“Oh yeah, how could I forget? I’m in the car with an absolute sociopath, I should probably send out a message to my friends saying bye because I’ll be dead by the end of the night”

“Fucking hell Calla” He growled out, his eyes flashing blue.

I just glared at him, not scared of him, no matter what, I was never scared of him “I hate you Peter. I really do. Now just take me home”

Rather than carrying on, he just slammed on his breaks, while we were in the middle of the roads, woods on each side.

“You can hate me all you like sweetheart. But I know you’re lying, I can hear it in your heartbeat, now accept that I’ve done you a favour alright. You do not need to be going out there getting drunk and probably drugged by some random guy who’ll then take advantage of you, you don’t need the fucking evil out there right now coming after you because you smell like us, someone not realising you’re human, and you can be hurt. I will always be here to look out for you no matter how much you hate me”

“I’m a big girl, I can look after myself, I have been these last few years and can carry on, I don’t need anyone doing it for me Peter. So just take me home or I will get out and walk!”

He let out a bitter laugh, “You’re not going anywhere. You’re still drunk, so I’ll take everything you’re saying with a pinch of salt, because I know you better than you realise, and I know you’ll always need me just as much as I need you”

“Or you should take everything I’m saying as the truth and realize I’m telling the truth because I’m drunk”

He shook his head, “I know you Calla. I know you better than anyone else does ok. I know every feeling, every facial expression, the tone of your voice depending on your mood. I know how you feel in so many different situations because your voice was the only voice that I heard for 5 years. The voice I yearned to hear. So don’t give me that bullshit. Now I don’t care about how much my dear nephew has been trying to call you and get in contact with you, I don’t care how anyone else is feeling right now because I am selfish and I will make sure you’re fine if it gives me peace of mind. You can be stubborn about it or you can get over it. Like I said I’m here to look out for you” He growled looking at me, I felt like he was staring right into my soul.

As soon as he said what he said a shudder ran down my spine. Peter Hale, the man I used as my personal diary for five years knew everything, I told him. The days I told him about the weather, through to the days I told him about getting into college, graduating, visiting him on my graduation day telling him how it would’ve been Derek’s graduation. The same for college, telling him when I became a qualified teacher. A lot happened in those years.

He knew about the pointless dates I had, he knew about the arguments I had with my mom and dad, the time my brother left, he remembers it all. The heartbreak I had when my parents passed, and the fear I had of him, when he was the Alpha.

I was too angry and frustrated to say anything to him, I just wanted to get home. I didn’t want anything to do with him right now, I didn’t want to go into a detailed conversation with Peter about why I was so angry at him, why I was so pissed off.

“If you know me so well, then you would know that I just want to go home Peter” I told him in a calm voice.

He chuckled and shook his head but started driving again.

“You know, you’ve changed. Since you were a kid, you’ve changed over the last few years. Since your parents passed away you changed, differently in comparison to Derek and myself when the fire happened, if anything you’ve become more selfless, making sure everyone around you is happy. You’ve... I don’t know what it is Calla. But you’ve changed a lot. And I think you should be more selfish, take more time out for yourself. The pack isn’t your duty, so I don’t see why you care so much”

I laughed, it was a humourless laugh, and to be honest I just wanted to sleep right now, I could feel my head starting to hurt, and all the fun I was having just half an hour ago, it was completely forgotten about. Those girls I see as my sisters, I know they’ll always be there for me, they always have, and we’ll always have a bond.

“What do you think tonight was supposed to be huh?” I asked him, although he completely contradicted himself, “While I was growing up, when my parents were at work, when my brother was at his friends, or the babysitter was looking after him, a lot of the time your family was there for me. Sure I had the girls, their families, but the way your sister treated me was different, my parents trusted her a lot more. And that’s why I was there a lot, even when I was a teenager. Which you obviously already know. When the fire happened, well I had the girls then, I was older as well, I understood that Derek had to go, and sure enough this place was quiet for a few years. Then just before Derek came back my parents died, I had never felt so alone. It was horrible especially since my brother was off at university at that point, but then Derek came back, and he was going through a rough time, so was I but I don’t know he kind of helped me feel less alone.

Sure you were the big bad alpha then, but with Derek back I kind of felt like I had family back in some kind of way. Because your home was basically my second home. And since then Derek and I have been best friends again, family again. Sure there’s been a lot of issues. A lot has happened and we’ve lost even more people, but that pack is the closest I’ve go to a family. It always has, Derek is basically the closest I’ve got to the family I once had. Yet I feel like I’ve been a burden on him. On everyone.

It’s like sure I’ve got these people around me, and I get on with everyone. But then you and Derek have got some sort of power to make someone feel like they’re not wanted.

Like they’re so useless and inferior, and it hurts. So much. Because I feel like I’m not wanted, and then that makes me feel even more alone, but then that also makes me realise I shouldn’t depend on anyone apart from myself. Because I want this feeling of safety and family, I’ve always tried to be there for Derek, but then the way I get treated sometimes makes me feel like I can try so hard. But I’m just not wanted.

So no they’re not my duty, but they were the closest I had to a family in a long time Peter, you should know how that feels. And I don’t know why I just told you all of this, maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe...” I thought back to all those times I visited Peter when he was paralyzed, when I used to talk to him non-stop. When he was literally the person I trusted most, “Or maybe just because” I shrugged, knowing he will always be the person that I can talk to so easily.

By the time we had finished talking we were outside my apartment building, I gave him one last glance but instead he was in awe at me, I then got out, taking my shoes off before I did. And walked bare foot into my apartment building and going up to where I wanted to be most.

**

A/N - hope you all enjoyyyy it’s a bit of a messy one, I probably should clean this up a lot, but it really is the start of their relationship. 

[ordinaryschmuck]

Top 20 BEST Animated Series of the 2010s-17th Place

You know, sometimes there’s a show that is so underrated, it is downright criminal. And this next one is a perfect example of why.

#17-Dan Vs. (2011-2013)

The Plot: Dan is an angry, sociopathic, and slightly psychotic little man. In each episode, he goes out to get revenge on something that wronged him while dragging along his reluctant sidekick, Chris. But getting revenge isn’t easy, as they face monsters, fellow psychopaths, and even the state of New Mexico. Will our “hero” get revenge, or will he ever learn that vengeance is not the best solution (Spoiler alert: he doesn’t).

I should start by saying that if you prefer main protagonists who are kind and charming, pack up and find a different show, because trust me when I say that couldn’t be further from what I would describe Dan as. However, I should make it clear that Dan isn’t a bad person-actually that’s too nice-Dan isn’t a terrible person-actually, that’s still too nice-Dan isn’t a supervillain...except for that one time when he became a supervillain. But to be fair, this egotistical superhero crushed Dan’s car without apologizing, and Dan thought that the best way to beat a superhero was to become a supervillain. In fact, now that I think about it, that sentence is the best way to describe Dan.

When Dan goes out to destroy something, he doesn’t do it out of malicious intent (most of the time). Dan fully believes that he has been wronged by something/someone, and he does everything in his power to get back at them. Dan seeks to destroy New Mexico and Canada because things from New Mexico and Canada gave him a bad day. Dan wants to drill a hole in his dentist’s face because he believes that his dentist is an evil supervillain. Dan plans to destroy an animal shelter because the animals keep him up at night (And don’t worry, he doesn’t kill the animals...at least not until he has a quick change of heart). Now at this point, you might find yourselves wondering: “Why should I root for this character?” To that, I say: You shouldn’t. You see, what makes Dan Vs. entertaining isn’t really watching Dan succeed, but rather laugh at his attempts. And he does win every single time he goes against something, but as I said, that’s not why I recommend the show.

The main thing that makes me recommend Dan Vs. is its comedy. This show is up there as one of the funniest animated series that I have seen. Its cynical sense of humor is pretty ballsy, especially when considering that Dan Vs. once shared a run time with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (Yes, really). But aside from being cynical, the show also relies on being absurd to get a laugh. Case in point, Dan and Chris once vertically rode a bear up the side of a cliff, and Dan complains about how bored he is. If you don’t find the absurdity of that funny, then this show isn’t for you. And while it’s cynical and absurd with its sense of humor, Dan Vs. manages to have a form of intelligence with its comedy. The best example is the episode “Ye Old Shakespeare Theater,” where the entire episode is chock full of non-stop Shakespeare references. Commitment to a bit like that makes one realize that the writers are a lot smarter with comedy than they might seem. And like most good comedies, it’s the characters that help pull it through.

There are a total of three primary characters in the show. There’s Dan, his sidekick Chris, and Chris’ wife, Elise. Yet, despite having such a short main cast, Dan Vs. makes do with what it has with each of the characters having great chemistry with each other. Dan and Chris have a perfect dynamic where Chris is the reasonable straight man to Dan’s psychotic rage. Trust me when I say that the comedy practically writes itself whenever these two share screen time with each other. Dan and Elise also have a great dynamic as bitter foils, who are always at each other’s throats. While they’re dynamic isn’t as funny compared to Dan and Chris, Dan and Elise still get out a couple of funny moments as characters who are two sides of the same coin. However, it is Chris and Elise's relationship that stands out to me. Their relationship as a married couple is both believable and endearing if you think about it. Elise is an unstoppable government agent that could effortlessly get any guy that she wants. And what she wants is a lovable oaf like Chris. Some traits might get annoying to her (what married couple doesn’t have their problems), but by the end of the day, she still loves him, and Chris absolutely loves her too.

However, while Elise has phenomenal chemistry with Dan and Chris, it’s her own character that causes a problem. Elise isn’t bad, but you know how I briefly mentioned that she’s an unstoppable government agent? Well, trust me when I say that is the worst part of her character. When an episode gives Elise a secret agent b-plot, it comes to a grinding halt as her adventures aren’t as entertaining as Dan’s revenge plot. The thing is that Elise being a secret agent should be funny if she had the personality to contradict the concept. If Elise was written as a sweet and caring person, then it would be hilarious to find out that she can actually kill you with her pinky finger. Instead, she’s a character who's just as angry as Dan, except that she's a lot more skilled. And seeing how it’s funny to watch Dan fumble his way to victory, Elise can’t give the same comedic punch as him. Although I will admit that she does earn an occasional chuckle on her own.

And as bad as Elise is, she isn’t the worst thing about the show. That honor goes to the animation. I’m not kidding when I say that Dan Vs. is the worst looking show on this list. It gets slightly better in later episodes, but that’s only when you compare it with the show itself. Compare it to the shows that I mentioned before it, and you can definitely see why Dan Vs. might not have won over many people. And don’t even get me started on the character designs. The designs range from kind of nice-looking to downright horrifying! And trust me when I say that it looks even worse when these characters are in motion. However, I’m willing to forgive the awful animation because the show doesn’t need to rely on looking good. Because show’s staff plays to their strengths rather than be what other shows are.

Speaking of other shows, by now, you’re probably wondering why I think Dan Vs. is better than something like Star V.S. the Forces of Evil, a show that got a massive following. In all honesty, I can sum up my thoughts in one word: Consistency. Dan Vs. didn’t have outstanding animation that got worse with passing seasons. It started as trash and slightly improved over time (like most cartoons should). Dan Vs. also didn’t start off as a comedy that dived headfirst into drama and story arcs. It is a comedy first and foremost, and it remained so until its unfortunate cancellation. Even the comedy never changed in this show. It started by being cynical and absurd, and it ended as such. I wish I could say the same for Star V.S., but the show seems to have kept changing its identity after each season.

In the end, Dan Vs. was a pretty good show. It may have been a weird show with bad animation and one bad-ish character, but it was still a good show. It had great comedy with characters that had even better chemistry, and because of that, the good heavily outweighs the mad with this underrated classic.

(Did you get how I said mad instead of bad? Funny, right?)

(...)

(Look, there’s not really much material for puns with a show like this. I swear I’ll make it up somehow.)

[dlkardenal]

Narcissists - The second member of the dark triad

You might have noticed, that we skipped last week's Dissecting Literature blogpost. I had a lot of things in my life in the last couple of months, and last week I felt that I can’t take it anymore, and I need a break. We can’t travel anywhere abroad because of Corona-chan, so Darr decided that we go to his family to the countryside, where I can rest a bit, so we traveled last weekend, and I didn’t have the time nor the energy to post – sorry about that.

So now, let’s get back to the villains! Or, as we will see a very dark but often unnoticed personality disorder, which can cause a lot of harm, but not necessarily a trait of evil characters. I noticed, that the post about psychopaths was popular so I decided to move to the next of the dark triad.

Everybody heard of the flower narcissus. The plant and this psychological disorder too got its name from Greek mythology, where Narcissus fell in love with his reflection in a pool, watched it for hours, and then turned into a flower. Of course, narcissistic people are not “in love” with themselves in a classical way, but it is a good term to get the idea. In other words, they are pathologically selfish and make everything about themselves. Do you have a problem? They have a bigger one. Did you achieve something big in your life? Their puppy won in a friendly race and of course, it is just as big as you receive your degree. A lot of people can’t see how this attitude can harm others, but believe me, it’s toxic as Arsene.

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are characterized by the personality traits of persistent grandiosity, an excessive need for admiration, and a personal disdain and lack of empathy for other people. (Somehow this empathy problem comes forth every time we talk about these disorders…) As such, the person with NPD usually displays arrogance and a distorted sense of personal superiority and seeks to establish control over others. People with NPD typically value themselves over others, to the extent of openly disregarding the wishes and feelings of anyone else, and expect to be treated as superior, regardless of their actual status or achievements. Socially, the person with narcissistic personality disorder usually exhibits a fragile ego, intolerance of criticism, and a tendency to belittle other people, to validate their superiority.

The causes of NPD are unknown. Psychologists think that it comes from a bit of everything, genetics–because it is inheritable–, environment and neurobiology. It emerges in adolescence, and more common among younger people than in the elderly. Environmental factors are impairment of emotional attachment when the child feels unimportant and unconnected (for example when emotionally abused, or the parents are unreliable or unpredictable) and it backfires and turns into selfishness. On the other hand, the parent's best intentions can also turn someone with a predisposition to narcissism. Excessive admiration and praise for good behavior can also lead to NDP when it never balanced with realism and realistic criticism.

Interestingly this disorder is more common in modern societies than in traditional ones, which indicates that cultural elements can promote the emergence of NPD. Think about the so-called influencers. I have nothing against this new marketing trend, but if you watch them closely you can discover the tendencies toward narcissism, and society rewards this behavior with money and recognition. The most vulnerable age group, when this disorder develops are the ones that nowadays want to be Instagram models and YouTubers and when they are rewarded for narcissistic behavior they will more likely become one. You know when you give your puppy treats because it brings back the ball. Some even say that we live in a „narcissism epidemic”, I think it is a bit harsh, but it’s worth thinking about a bit.

For the neurobiological part, NPD manifests as a reduced volume of gray matter in the prefrontal cortex. The regions of the brain identified and studied – the insular cortex and the prefrontal cortex – are associated with the human emotions of empathy and compassion, and with the mental functions of cognition and emotional regulation. Familiar? It should be because we can also see this in psychopaths and sociopaths, and both symptoms often come with narcissism as well.

Most people with NDP would never admit that they have a mental disorder. They are perfect in their eyes, and when they are not they do everything to show themselves perfect – that’s why NDP has comorbidity with anorexia, for example, depression and cocaine use. If they ever go to therapy it will be because of some of these side effects, and a good therapist can find out that narcissism is the primary problem. Contemporary psychotherapy treatments include transference-focused therapy, metacognitive therapy, and schema therapy, to treat the client's particular subtype of NPD. So unlike the other disorders we talked about, this one is treatable, when –here is the catch– someone wants to be treated.

In the literature people with NDP are often megalomaniacs, and the typical psychopathic villains also carry the traits of the narcissistic personalities. I think the best example is Mother Gothel from Tangled, she is typical. I think it is more interesting to show people with NDP who are not villains. They are toxic, yes, but they can easily be turned into antiheroes, or a bad friend or a very bad parent. Tony Stark and Dr. Strange are good examples from Marvel, they start as narcissistic (although I’m not sure if their condition counts as a disorder or not), but they grow out of it and become real heroes.

I also had a friend who grew up in with a narcissistic mother and she became like that as well, saying that because she was belittled and neglected in all her life, now it is time that she makes everything about herself. She always thought that everything revolves around her, be the world, and the people good or bad. I wouldn’t make her a villain, I even understand the mechanisms behind her behavior, but she became toxic and our friendship is bad for my mental health. I have to admit, that this personality can make very interesting characters on either side – protagonists and antagonists. Can you think of some good representation in books or films, or someone in your life?

See you next week, when we will meet with the melancholic heroes, I think it will be interesting to talk about.

Lory

[bleachintothemultiverse]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. image:

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. Are they underrated?  YES / NO. Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO. Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO. How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. How strictly do you follow canon?  —  I try to follow canon as closely as possible with Aizen. I try to do head canons that would fit close to canon and how the manga and anime portray him.  that be said, im some what canon divergent when it comes to his relationships with other muses. especially with Hiyori.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  A pretty boy nerd with a god complex who plans everything way to much and pulls a freza and has at least 6 different forms his final form being that of a butterfly type thing. He is the closest thing in the series that you could consider a ‘god’ other then the soul king it self. His zanpakuto has some one of the coolest abilities being able to control all five senses and being able to make anyone see anything he wants  them to see.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  — generic betrayal villian. “oh look i wanna become a god now. ha im evil now.”  sterotypical sociopathic evil boy. doesn’t really have a backstory on why he is doing the things he does. other then the fact, he wants to change the soul society and become a god. with out any full backstory to it. So it kinda just feels like he is evil.... because you need a threat.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —   honestly- my rps with @redeyeschaosdragon on discord and her dragging me deeper into bleach and I realize that a lot of things are under developed about his character, that needed to be developed. So thats basically the two main reasons.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —   The fact that there is so much to headcanon about and explore deeper into with Aizen. He is such a complex character that really needs to explore more and that keeps me really motivated.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO. Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO. Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO. Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO. Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  I mean- kinda depends? i wanna say i do- but my anxiety ridden self is like “nah fam- we will not.”  but i won’t snap at some one for giving me criticism. It helps me improve and realize a mistake for it. i will just- feel awkward afterwords. but i do appreciate any form of criticism.  

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —   Yes. Give me all of the questions relating to Aizen.  It allows me to explore deeper into this already complex character. 

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Yea. We can talk about it. I love talking about Aizen.  Maybe they saw something- that I didn’t realize or i didn’t understand how something works. Because my memory is horrible and I may get a fact wrong or portrayal him wrong. I am always open to discussion about it.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  it depends on the person? If its some one who i respect highly on here then i might take it pretty bad. I would like to talk to them and see why- and see what i could improve on it. But if it people i haven’t interacted with much. Then it won’t effect me that badly. because everyone has there own opinions and they can disagree with a protrayal.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  I mean- i used to hate Aizen, when  i first got into bleach. So like i don’t blame people to hate Aizen. But like i won’t take it negativity as long as they try not to send me anon hate or something for rping him. Because I understand most people reasons for hating him. He did a lot of horrible things. As long as they don’t hate him for just hating him- then yea I don’t really have a problem with it. again everyone has a right to there own opinion.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  YES. I make so many. I suck at grammatical errors. I would love to be corrected in a nice way. But like- don’t nit pick every small mistake. I used to have a friend that used to do that and it really bothered me after awhile. But at least give me some pointers on how to fix it, so i would know next time ^^

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  I think so...? im just a awkward raisin honestly.  I am full of anxiety and will apologize for every little thing unless im close to you and know that I am not bothering you when im message you and get comfortable with you to the point, I can call you a rat as a friend term.  But other then that. I think im really easy going im always down for ims or discord messages and chatting about anything really.  But im horrible at keeping conversations in the beginning. till I know what exactly you are comfortable with. Then im the type to send you random stuff that reminds me of our muses or send you non rp memes (and vines)  for the fun of it. 

That’s about it, congrats for filling out! tagged by @skyvar //thank you <3// Tagging: @xyuuken @rukia-kuchiki-divided @hirako5hinji @viciousvizard @gentleshinigami @redeyeschaosdragon @goofyshinigami​ @bookofaion @kaibacorpbros @wild-pineapple-butt​  @world-duelists​

[counterspelling]

time for another angry tros post

why in the everloving fuck was kerri russell’s character codenamed MARA if she wasn’t skymom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the disrespect!!!! it’s not enough to name a random jedi kid jacen, or to name a new character in tros jannah, or a girl in the mandalorian winta........... they really went and codenamed another nobody mara????? why??? what’s the point????

luke and leia really went all that fucking time NOT telling rey about her parentage??? when they knew how important it was to her?? how desperate she was for information about her parents?? after everything THEY went through about birth family drama?? they really thought that was a good idea?? rey is more than her family name, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to know. and HOW did they know she was palpatine’s granddaughter. like kyle, he’s a snoke acolyte, okay, so maybe at some point he’s taken into their confidence. but how the fuck do luke and leia find out

everything with leia was just. so bad. all of her scenes were so stilted, they would have been better off just cgi’ing her. and this movie isn’t technically their fault, but the fact that they’d already spent two movies completely wasting her. having her send her non-force sensitive husband to confront their murderous son, standing back and sending rey to her twin, literally never once doing anything but standing around and reacting to people around her. if leia trained as a jedi, we should have SEEN THAT. i did not wait my entire life to see jedi leia on screen and then never get it. and her death, completely unexplained except that for some reason reaching her son kills her.......... it’s fucking padme all over again. god, they just completely fucked everyone in the ot, so badly, but holy fuck does star wars hate women

still just generally really pissed off that they brought palpatine back at all. not just in the sense that they tried to fucking woobify kyle ron and stopped him from being the ultimate villain that they should have, but that disney continually shits on star wars’ legacy. anakin DESTROYED THE SITH. there was a whole prophecy. it took him 20 years, but he fucking did it. he killed palpatine. and now, like everything else disney has set up over the last few years, it means nothing, because he DIDN’T actually kill palpatine, just like everything luke and han and leia fought for is meaningless, because 30 years later everyone was still in the exact same place. a low-rent resistance without a lot of support, the jedi order slaughtered through treachery, fighting an overly powerful empire bent on slavery and destruction (also why i could never get into rebels. luke is a new hope, the presence of a jedi for the first time in 20 years is supposed to be a big fucking deal. hard to have that same shock and awe when kannan and ezra are formally joining the rebellion, meeting mon and leia and lando, prominently waving around lightsabers. if disney wanted to make stories about jedi choose literally ANY OTHER TIME PERIOD IN STAR WARS HISTORY. I AM SO DESPERATE FOR STORIES ABOUT JEDI. just in the right time, and not in this singular 50 year period where there shouldn’t be jedi, jfc)

the OTHER major problem in bringing palpatine back is yet again, they’re trying to top the “no, i am your father” moment, which is just never going to happen. that was a once in a lifetime moment. everything disney does is trying to bigger and better. it’s not just death stars that can destroy planets, it’s a million star destroyers! kyle ron and rey have a force bond unseen in generations that lets them trade items across the galaxy! force healing has always been a thing but now they can instantly heal death! star wars doesn’t have to be X-TREME to be good. its best moments have always been about its character beats. luke saying he won’t destroy his father, leia and han’s i love yous, anakin’s despair over leaving his mother behind to become a jedi. it doesn’t always have to be BIGGER and BETTER. E V E R Y T H I N G about tfa said that rey was a skywalker, that luke was her dad. the music, her dreams of an island, calling his lightsaber to her, their lonely upbringings on desert planets, their instant embroilment into a conflict much bigger than they are but that they quickly become central to. but because rian johnson is so up his own ass and so insistent on proving how clever he is, he couldn’t follow through on that. even though star wars has always been a fairy tale, and it’s never been about tricking audiences or proving them wrong or throwing out foreshadowing as a red herring. lucas is maybe the most straightforward filmmaker of all time. that’s why bad guys have names like sidious and maul and plagueis. subtle, he is not. and it’s one of my favorite things about star wars. and disney just doesn’t care

the fact that they gave us so many luke/rey parallels and STILL STUCK WITH SHITTY REY PALPATINE. rey flying in his x-wing wearing his helmet, rey leaping away to safety on the millennium falcon from an evil skywalker offering his hand asking them to join the dark side, rey’s fear of the darkness within herself.................. all of it meaningless, apparently

i am so eternally angry at the way they treated rey. removing her teeth, linking her story so inextricably with the man who tortured her, irrevocably tying her narrative to that of a man’s because apparently star wars just can’t handle a trilogy without a white man in a central role. the rey in tfa is a completely different character than the rey from tlj and tros. she couldn’t stand on her own merits? they respected her so little they had to force her to share her trilogy with a murderer who abused her, and try to call that love? to make her journey about a forced bond with him, when he only ever tried to murder her and bring about her downfall? that they would VALIDATE his gross treatment of her by having her kiss him........................... how they made a trilogy more sexist than 70s george lucas, i will never understand

the main movies are the skywalker family saga. that’s what they told us. ending the last movie with two palpatines facing off............. if they already said fuck anakin and everything about his legacy finally ending the rule of the sith, they should have at least let his GRANDDAUGHTER be the one to ultimately fulfill the prophecy. i really cannot believe they fucked anakin and all the skywalkers in this way. the final living skywalker descendant killed all of his remaining family members and THAT’S what we’re going to have to live with from now on. everything anakin and luke and leia struggled and fought for, everything they overcame, all meaningless because one fucking sociopath is such an edgy piece of shit that he’d rather build a shrine to his grandpa’s burned helmet and get stuck in teen “I HATE MY FAMILY” bullshit because...... his life was unfair, somehow??? he just really loves murder??? tyranny is cool??? who knows! not us! jaina didn’t get erased from canon for this. the skywalkers deserved better and so did we.

[drarryangels]

Slytherins

Notes: I originally had this as part of Not in Love (Letters), but it doesn’t fit there, so I’m posting this as it’s own work. 

<3

“Well, this is a disaster.”

“Harry, you need to keep your chin up, and keep moving forward. everything’s going to be fine,” Hermione sighed.

“Fine?” Harry let out a strangled laugh. “All eighth years having one common room does not sound fine to me!”

“Listen,” Hermione grabbed Harry by the shoulders and turned him to face her. “Don’t be ridiculous. We have to get over this old school drama. You know we do.”

“Hermione.”

“Harry. Stop it right now. You’re acting like a child,” Hermione stated.

“That is so unfair-” Harry started.

“Listen to yourself! You’re not a child anymore. None of us are! So we need to grow up, and stop squabbling, and act like civilized humans.” Hermione took a breath. “And yes, Harry, that means that you need to be polite about sharing a common room.”

“What about Malfoy?” Harry folded his arms over his chest.

“You’re allowed to hold your grudges, Harry. Just please don’t start something with him,” Hermione swiped a hand over her face.

“Start something?” Harry looked offended.

“Yes, start something,” Hermione said.

“Why aren’t you more upset about being in close proximity to him for a whole year?” Harry threw up his hands.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Because he sent me an apology letter over the summer and asked me to meet him.”

“You met with him over the summer?”

“I met with him, and we talked. You know, he really had it just as bad as you did, Harry,” Hermione said, patting his arm before turning away to lead them to a seat in the Great Hall.

“Just as bad as I- what? Hermione!”

Harry stumbled after Hermione, but she didn’t say another word about Draco Malfoy for the rest of the evening.

The next morning was rather uneventful. That is, if you don’t consider Hermione Granger sitting down at the Slytherin table an event.

And really, it wasn’t. Despite Harry’s offended gasp of shock, really no one made a fuss about her sitting there. Pansy Parkinson only glanced at her before scooting aside to give Hermione a place to sit.

“You’ve been in touch with more people than Malfoy this summer, Hermione,” Harry hissed as he slid in next to her at the Slytherin table.

“Is that a problem?” Parkinson leaned around Hermione to glare at Harry.

“I can speak for myself, thanks,” Hermione said, but smiled at Parkinson all the same.

“Seriously, Hermione, why?” Harry said, trying to block Parkinson from his view.

“Did you listen to me at all yesterday?” Hermione said exasperatedly before reaching for the eggs.

“Yo, Potter,” Blaise Zabini said, taking a seat across from Harry.

“Er, hi,” stammered Harry.

“No need to look like you’ve just seen the Bloody Baron,” Zabini smiled. “He doesn’t come around for breakfast.”

“Oh, er, that’s nice,” Harry looked down at his plate.

“Something caught in your throat, Potter?” Zabini asked.

“No, I’m fine,” Harry said shortly, stuffing food into his mouth.

“Hey, listen,” Zabini said. “Potter, pay attention. What’s your deal?”

Harry looked up with annoyance. “What’s my deal, Zabini? You bullied my friends for six years, and now you want to be all buddy buddy? I don’t think so.”

“Harry!” Hermione muttered under her breath warningly.

“Woah,” Zabini frowned. “Uh, I don’t think we’ve ever talked once since going to school here except for an excuse me in the corridors.”

Harry didn’t say anything.

“And for the record, I’ve never bullied you or your friends. Or anyone for that matter,” Zabini stated.

“No,” came another voice. “That would’ve been me.”

Harry looked up sharply to see the fair features of Draco Malfoy standing a couple feet away.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” Zabini chugged the rest of his pumpkin juice and strode off, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“Potter,” Malfoy said.

“What do you want, Malfoy?”

“Well, you are sitting in my spot. I figured it would be rude to not say hello,” Malfoy sighed, sitting down in Zabini’s recently vacated seat.

“This has been a wonderful breakfast,” Harry said, shoveling food into his mouth at random. “Hermione, I’ll see you later.”

“Be in the library,” Hermione said absently, looking over a book in her lap.

Harry rolled his eyes and stormed off from the table, going anywhere but staying in that seat. Why had he needed to sit next to Hermione? She could take care of herself, and he had other friends in Gryffindor. He didn’t need to go sit at the Slytherin table with her. Sure, he’d been a little curious about what it was like at that table, but it had been just as horrid as he had expected it be.

Stupid Slytherins.

The rest of the days classes passed fairly smoothly. Of course there were the endless fangirls prowling the hallways for the famous Harry Potter, but thanks to the secret passages of Hogwarts, Harry made it to the end of the day unscathed and exhausted.

Harry drudged up the stairs to the third floor, where the new dorms and common room for the eighth years were located.

“Victory,” Harry mumbled at the portrait while it swung open. Not the most witty password. McGonagall wasn’t nearly as clever with them as Dumbledore had been.

Surprisingly, the common room was well decorated and had a warm feeling emanating from it. The decor was neutral for the most part, but all four of the house banners were hung around the walls of the common room, and students of different houses were sprawled around the room.

“Nice, isn’t it?” Zabini’s voice made Harry jump. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine.” Harry paused and thought of what Hermione had said. “Sorry about this morning. It was unfair of me to say those things.”

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Zabini shrugged. “But just so you know, Slytherin isn’t the evil house you think it is.”

“I-”

“You’re not the only one that thinks it. I just want to let you know that we’re kids. The same way you were a kid when you first got here. There are jerks in every house. And just because Voldemort was in Slytherin, doesn’t mean we’re all crazy sociopaths.”

Harry let out a surprised laugh. “I guess you’re right. I really am sorry. For thinking that all those years.”

Zabini smiled a little. “It’s like saying that just because Dumbledore was in Gryffindor, all Gryffindors are wizarding gods.”

Harry’s smile faded a little. “Yeah, well Dumbledore turned out to not be so wonderful in the end.”

Zabini lifted his hands in mock surrender. “You knew him best.”

Harry shrugged and looked down. “You don’t know the half of it.”

“No one really does when it comes to you,” Zabini clapped Harry on the back and walked off.

Harry stood in place, still staring at his feet. Someone had told him that looking at the ground will naturally ground you. But thinking of Pettigrew coming out of Gryffindor, supposedly good. Thinking of Blaise Zabini going his whole life feeling like people hated him because he was Slytherin. But mostly. Mostly thinking of Dumbledore. Dumbledore’s neverending twinkle. How perfect he was. Love. Love. He said. Love will save us all. It’s an unknown power. Thinking of how Dumbledore had built him up, thinking it was for the ultimate tear down. Raising a child for slaughter. Thinking of Dumbledore’s love and all the ways it had twisted Harry. Ripped him to be stitched in strange ways.

It was all making Harry dizzy.

“Potter?” A voice came through the haze distantly. “Potter, you don’t look well.”

“What?” Harry heard his voice like it had come out of someone else’s mouth.

He heard the voice cry out before he felt the floor slam into his knees.

“Potter?”

Harry rolled over onto his back and blinked. The world was smudgy, but no longer dizzy. And Draco Malfoy’s face was hanging over him.

He had a thin face. His whole body was thin; had always been like that. Harry remembered when his hair had been laser straight and gelled back. It wasn’t like that anymore. His hair hung in soft, loose waves, some curls edging around his ears. It was strange to see how he had changed.

Somehow more relaxed, but also more jagged.

Harry shook his head and moved to sit up slowly. Malfoy scooted back quickly, but reached out a hand to help Harry up as if on instinct. And on instinct, of course, Harry took his hand and let Malfoy help him.

“Thanks,” Harry muttered, swaying a little as he stood.

“Er, don’t mention it. Are you alright? I mean, you sort of just got all gray and then just fell over,” Malfoy said hurriedly.

“I’m fine,” Harry gave Malfoy a tight-lipped smile. “Thanks. I’m going to go head up to the dorms.”

Malfoy nodded and stepped back.

Harry waved off the concerned looks and comments as he walked towards the dorms. All the faces and voices sounded overly worried, but none of them had gotten up to help Harry. They had just watched. Probably waiting for the next big Potter mess up.

Later, when Harry was lying in bed, barely aware of his surroundings, he realized that Malfoy hadn’t asked him anything about why he had suddenly fallen over. He had just helped him up and backed away. If Hermione had been there, she would have leapt on him with questions. As it was, the bystanders in the common room had asked him intrusive questions as he walked away. Malfoy didn’t, though.

Harry was done thinking about Slytherins. There had been too many interactions with them today. Harry hadn’t even gotten the chance to talk to the rest of his friends. Plus, there was the whole ‘Slytherin isn’t evil’ thing to still think about.

What Zabini had said made sense. And it was true, and right. Harry really hadn’t given Slytherin even a glance since Ron had said that it was evil before they had even arrived at Hogwarts.

Maybe it was about time to give the Slytherins a chance.

Even Malfoy.

[writeyouin]

ITS QUANTUM ANON BACK FOR MORE....I'd love to see a scenario in which Jack and the reader have a scary movie night and the reader can barely handle it, the damn movies are incredibly scary and she gets clingy when she's scared. Jack is very amused. (sounds cliché but it's me when I watch scary movies ok) Scared cuddles and dog videos of calming ensue. (also if you could please put in a tag somewhere or a little quick post saying you got this n tumblr didn't eat it that would be appreciated

Jack Joyce X Reader – Hold Me

A/N – I will never in my life apologise for making Will a meme-loving fuck. I have a big sister, so I know exactly how to be a younger pain in the ass.

Warnings – None

Rating – T

Life as you knew it had been completely changed since the incident between the Joyce brothers and Paul Serene. Although Monarch Solutions wasn’t as big of a threat as it had been before, Jack and Will still worried about what remained of it. You knew they were also concerned about the threat it posed to Will’s research, and more importantly, to you because of your affiliation with the brothers; maybe if you and Jack weren’t romantically involved, there wouldn’t be a problem, but that wasn’t the case.

Since the brothers needed to protect what remained of Will’s research, in case Monarch got any shifty ideas again, the pair moved into the old community pool building. It wasn’t long after that that Jack asked you to move in with them. Although you would have rather continued your regular life in your previous apartment, you knew it would tear Jack apart to have to watch over Will’s research and you; to spare him any worry, you agreed to stay with the pair.

To be fair, life wasn’t so bad in the dilapidated pool building. Will and Jack respected your boundaries, and even turned one of the old changing rooms into your own personal bedroom; it didn’t go unnoticed by you how much prettier your room was than their shared one which had previously housed Beth Wilder. Every little thing the pair did for you made you love them all the more, Jack romantically, and Will as a little brother.

Despite their efforts however, it was still hard for you to think of the old building as a home instead of a hide-out. You knew you were bad at hiding your emotions, but you hoped that neither of the pair would notice quite how much you missed living a normal life. Jack of course, noticed everything where you were concerned, and that brought you to your current predicament. With Halloween coming up, Jack thought he could bring the holiday to you, since he didn’t dare take you to it; with so many costumes and chaos, it would be all too easy for Monarch to pull some kind of dirty trick he couldn’t protect you from. As such, he’d just offered you a date night, filled with all kinds of the grotesque horror films he loved so much.

He was being sweet. You knew he was, and yet you wished he would stop it and return to being his usual sardonic self; whenever he was overly sweet, you knew it was because he was worried about you and didn’t want you to catch on.

“What do you say?” Jack asked, drawing you out of your reverie.

He looked so apologetically awkward that you had to smile. How could he so suddenly switch from the slick smart-talker you knew so well to someone as insecure as Will? When Jack was being this sincere, you knew you didn’t have the heart to say no to him. Yet, you also wanted him to think you were braver than you felt, which would never happen if he saw how you were during horror films. In all the years of your friendship, you had always managed to avoid the film genre Jack loved so much, claiming horror films were far too overrated, when really you were just too scared to watch them.

Now, in the relationship you had craved for so long, Jack appeared almost bashful in offering to share this piece of himself with you.

“You know what,” Jack said at your lack of a response, “You’re probably right. Horrors are overrated anyway. We don’t have to-”

“I’d love to,” You blurted, sparing Jack any hurt feelings.

His face lit up brighter than any Jack-o-lantern ever could, evidently proud at having cheered you up. “Yeah? I’ll get the movies and meet you at the projector. It’ll be just you, me, and good ol’ Charles ‘Chucky’ Monroe.”

“Great,” You grinned, then once Jack was out of earshot, “Just perfect.”

You sat rigidly on one end of the two-seater sofa while Jack set up an old film projector so it would play the movies on the entire wall the two of you faced, like a cinema would.

“So, which do you want to start with?” He asked distractedly.

“There’s just so much choice,” You answered mechanically.

“I know, isn’t it great? How about the Grudge, or maybe Saw? I bet you can find a few things in Saw that Will would probably invent himself, if he could. God knows he hates people enough to want to torture them.”

Neither choice really appealed to you, but you didn’t want to spend the next month imagining Will as a murderous sociopath, so you opted for the Grudge, whatever that was.

Not even twenty minutes into the film and you were already terrified by the evil ghost creature that haunted the screen, or in your case the wall. Every so often you would subconsciously reach out for Jack, then snap your hand back, afraid that if you let him hold you, he would feel how badly you were trembling.

You froze at the sound of heavy footsteps, though you quickly realised they were not coming from the speakers in front of you; it had to be Will, returning from the town. He came up the stairs where you and Jack were, lugging a heavy bag of shopping onto the counter behind you.

“What’s going on here?” Will asked, dropping the bag with a thud.

“Horror night,” Jack answered curtly, annoyed by Will’s sudden arrival.

“Huh, cool. The Grudge? Good choice. Not as good as Saw though,” He said a little too wistfully. “Okay, I’m in, scooch over.”

Will forced himself between you and Jack, further cramping the two-seater.

“WILL!” Jack shouted. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”

“You’re right,” Will nodded, missing the point that he wasn’t invited. “(Y/N), do you mind? There’s a chair over there small enough for you.”

“HEY! No way. (Y/N) stay, he’s gonna leave now.”

“(Y/N) stay?” Will repeated disgustedly. “(S)he’s not a dog Jack, and why do I have to go anyway? You’re the one that forgot to invite me.”

“I didn’t forget. This is a date you idiot! Get out!”

“IDIOT? At least I’m not an ingrate. You could have told me beforehand.”

“READ THE ROOM!”

“YOU KNOW I CAN’T VIBE CHECK. Then again neither can you, because you didn’t even pick a romantic horror.”

Jack threw up his arms exasperatedly, “What does that even mean?”

“Films like this are all scare. In a horror like The Boy however, there is a romantic subplot. In this essay I will-”

Jack grabbed Will in a headlock, pulling him up and dragging him to the staircase. Will flailed uselessly, trying to hit Jack’s arms. Finally, Jack pushed him away, nearly tripping him down the stairs, “Out, Will!”

Will grumbled as he stomped down the stairs, “I just came out to have a good time, and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.”

On his way back to you, Jack shook his head disbelievingly, “Sorry (Y/N).”

“It’s alright,” You laughed, glad that the commotion allowed you to miss around ten minutes of the on-screen horror.

“Hey, this is your first time seeing the Grudge, right?”

You nodded.

“Don’t worry then, I’ll go back so you don’t miss anything.”

Dying inside a little bit, you gave Jack a quick thumbs up. As promised, Jack rewound the film, picking up where you’d left off before Will had come back. Although you longed to isolate yourself on one side of the sofa again, Jack held up his arm for you to sit under. You smiled meekly, laying against him, somewhat comforted when his arm wrapped over your side.

You thought the film had been scary before, yet with each passing minute further horrors were introduced, each worse than the last. Jack was glad you couldn’t see his face as he held back gales of laughter at your fear of the film. More often than not, he would look down to find you squeezing your eyes shut, and gripping tightly to his thigh, barely holding back whimpers.

When the film started, he had no idea you were so scared of horrors. The idea you were petrified of a ghost story and too afraid to tell him was hilarious. You had literally survived Monarch’s terror attack by his side, yet somehow the evil work of on-screen fiction was scaring you more than previous real-life encounters.

By the end of the film, you couldn’t even look at the screen anymore. You were clinging onto Jack as if your life depended on it, burying your face against his chest to avoid looking. Finally, it was over, and although you clearly couldn’t handle another film, Jack couldn’t resist poking fun at you.

“A real masterpiece,” He said, stroking your arms. “I mean, did you see the detail when the Grudge tore that woman’s jaw off? Just a quick snap and it was gone.”

You cringed, peeking up at Jack so you didn’t have to reimagine the gore in the madness of your mind.

“And what about the part with the kid in the bathtub? That is some good film making right there. Oh, but listen to me rambling on, what was your favourite part of the film?”

You desperately wanted to continue clinging onto Jack and tell him that the only watchable part of the film was the credits which were slowly rolling onwards. Instead, you mumbled agreement about the torn jaw to shut him up. You reminded yourself how excited he had been to share this with you and managed a weak smile that didn’t reflect what you felt on the inside at all.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Jack grinned, having entirely too much fun. “So, what should we watch next? I’ll even let you choose again.”

“I couldn’t possibly,” You squeaked, your throat going dry.

“You’re right, I could see your excitement there. The clear winner is the Grudge Two.”

You shivered involuntarily. Taking the opportunity to scare you further, Jack leaned forward, blowing lightly against your neck. You screamed, jumping up from the sofa and scratting at your neck frantically. Jack fell about laughing at the sight, having the time of his life.

You couldn’t help tearing up a little bit. You weren’t usually so sensitive, but the film had drained you of any usual resilience. You folded your arms, hugging yourself quietly and as suddenly as he had started, Jack stopped laughing, though he was still smiling when he enveloped you in a strong hug.

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know,” You whispered in a small voice.

“Hey, did it really scare you that badly?”

You nodded shakily, reminding Jack of when he was barely a teenager and he’d just seen his first horror film; at the time, he was so scared that he spent an hour throwing up before bed.

He stroked your arms soothingly, resting his head on top of yours. “Would a night of dog videos help?”

“Can we watch Turner and Hooch?” You mumbled.

Jack kissed the top of your head, “Every Halloween from now on.”

“Okay.”

“Alright, come on, we’ll go get Turner and Hooch.”

“And Will?” You asked, risking a smile.

Jack groaned, “Will, really?”

“He really likes Turner and Hooch.”

Jack rolled his eyes and heaved a dramatic sigh, “Fine. Will can come too, but he’s sitting on the floor.”

You giggled, “Okay, sure, we’ll see how long that lasts.”

“I mean it,” he grinned mischievously, picking you up bridal style. “He has to stay on the floor, so I can hug my beautiful partner all night long.”

You pecked Jack’s lips, thankful that he was so understanding, “I love you.”

“Happy Halloween (Y/N).”

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[leiascully]

Fic: Baseball Metaphors (9/?)

Part One  |  Part Two  |  Part Three |  Part Four |  Part Five |  Part 6 |  Part 7 |  Part 8

As @lyndsaybones put it, this is the seventh inning stretch.  PG.

When he comes in on Monday, he expects her to say something.  They've progressed much farther than he ever imagined when he first pretended to be her boyfriend.  He can't fathom that it isn't on her mind, especially given the fears she confessed.  But she just looks up at him with that sweet smile that has nothing behind it and he smiles back and goes to his desk.  He forgets, sometimes, how good she is at compartmentalizing.  Her "I'm fine" is always a lie, and he knows all her tells, but she's lost her father, her sister, her bodily autonomy, her professional aspirations, most of her friends, and perhaps her own future children: he's astounded she can even get out of bed, much less function the way she does.  No wonder she can get through the workday without undressing him with her eyes.  That doesn't mean there isn't a part of him who wishes her self-control weren't quite so ironclad.  

They talk about the case they've been called in on.  There are no allusions to situations or inspections.  Scully doesn't mention baseball in any capacity.  They put together a profile for the agents upstairs.  Mulder sifts through the news for anything that sounds like an X-File.

At lunch, she picks up a copy of the newspaper and brings it back to the office.  She sits down in her corner, shaking the paper open.  "Doing the crossword?" he asks.

She frowns.  "Jenny got my number somehow.  She keeps calling to tell me about the real estate ads she's read.  I have to have something to say."

He whistles.  "She's nesting for two, huh?"

"Two, four, five, whatever," she says, flipping to the ads and staring down at the tiny print.  "If I'd known it was going to be this involved to have friends again, I would have just pretended to have amnesia when Ethan walked into that bar."

"Are they our friends?" he asks.

She sighs.  "No, but imagine telling them that.  I can't make a pregnant woman cry."  She glances up at him.  "Besides, it's almost nice to have something to do with someone who's not you."

"I don't think I need to remind you that I'm there too," he points out.

"I didn't really call anyone," she says abruptly.  "After I came back.  Just Ellen, and it turned out that she'd moved to Texas for a job.  We still talk on the phone, but I haven't seen her since before.  Everyone else - it was almost a relief to feel like I was starting over.  But since then, I've only had you.  And Byers and Frohike and Langly, after a fashion, but they're your friends."

"I'm not enough?" he asks.  "I've always considered myself a handful."

"That isn't it at all," she says, shaking her head.  "It isn't about you not being enough.  You know how much I value our friendship."

"Do I?" he asks.

"I hope you do," she says earnestly.  "I wouldn't have made it back without you, Mulder.  You and Melissa, you were my anchors when I was ready to let the tide take me.  But the fact remains that I haven't had friends for a long time and it's strange to have someone want to be a part of my life like this.  Especially since she's under the impression that you and I are madly in love and careening toward the same life she has with the house and the kids and the happily ever after."

"Hmm," he says.  "A common misapprehension."

"And I can't correct it now," she says, gesturing with the paper, "because then we'll look delusional, or possibly sociopathic."  She snaps the paper back so that the creases fold smoothly.  "I'm afraid she's going to want to go look at houses with us."

"We'll tell her that it's a personal decision," Mulder suggests.  "Or, no, we don't want to impose.  It'll make her ankles swell to stand up for so long.  We're waiting on my investments to mature."

"Do you have investments?" she asks, gazing at him over the edge of her newspaper.

He shrugs.  "Probably."  Her sigh rattles the paper.  He frowns.  "Wait, did we already move in together in this fantasy?  Or were we going to find a new place first?  I seem to recall something about us needing a space we chose together rather than just consolidating into one of our existing places."

"Maybe we're waiting for your lease to run out," she suggests.  "You thought it was month-to-month, but your building management changed its policy.  And the real estate market moves so fast that there's no point in looking until then."

"I definitely have to pack," he says, thinking of his bedroom full of boxes.  "And so do you."

"There's no point in wasting imaginary money," she says.  She sets down the paper, looking relieved.  "I might still have to go to a few open houses, but we can't look seriously for another six months."

"Six months?" he asks.

She shrugs.  "You'd already signed a year's lease before we got together.  It's been a slow burn kind of romance."

"So they say."  He picks up the paper and turns to the crossword.  "Did we have an origin story?"

"What, like our eyes met over a corpse and we knew it was meant to be?" she asks.  "I don't think so."

"I'd say a stakeout got a little boring or surveillance got a little titillating," he suggests idly, "but I doubt you'd be into a tryst that began during working hours."

"You're right," she says.  "Maybe you had tickets to a baseball game."

"I like where you're going with this," he says approvingly, "but it's only May now and we're supposed to have been dating for a while.  Longer than a couple of months."

"Last season," she corrects.  "And then over the fall and winter, it just sort of blossomed."

"Date nights at the Smithsonian," he embroiders.  "Strolling through a farmer's market on a Saturday morning.  Dinners after work, strictly off-duty, of course.  Holding hands in a variety of art galleries.  A kiss on New Year's that made you see fireworks."

"Running dates on the Mall," she adds with a smile.  "Cherry blossom viewings.  Picnics by the Potomac."

"That one's true, if you count sunflower seeds and coffee as a picnic," he offers.  

"I don't," she says, but she's still smiling.  "But nicer than liverwurst and root beer in a stakeout car that always smells like feet."

"That sandwich saved my life," he says.

"You're welcome," she tells him.  "So our story is that we have six months until your lease is up and we hope by then they're too busy with the baby to ever talk to us again?"

"That's about the long and short of it," he says.   "People with newborns never have friends, right?"

"Right," she says decisively.  "They're too busy trying to sleep when the baby sleeps and making sure they have enough diapers."

"Scully," he says, and hesitates.  "I'm not going to tell you they're my favorite people, but what's your objection to being friends with Jenny, if she's coming at this from a place that's genuine?"

She sighs.  "She thinks our lives are the same.  They're not.  I can't imagine at this point in my life having the priorities she has.  You and I, Mulder, we live on some grander scale than most people, engaged intermittently in this kind of holy war against the forces of evil that want to reshape American society and the world.  I can't just go to Pottery Barn and pretend that none of it's happening.  I can't explain our cloak and dagger life to someone like her."

"Fair enough," he says.  

"There was a time in my life when I could have been Jenny," she says in a low voice tinged with irony.  

"Before the constant surveillance and the secret messages from covert informants and the conspiracy penetrating to the deepest levels of our government and way of life?" he asks.

"It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you," she quips, and he grins at her.

"It is strange," he says.  "To have people who expect to hear from us.  I'm sure we'll go out to dinner again this week."

"I'm sure," Scully says.  "Unless we get some kind of case that takes us out of town."  She looks wistful.

"You'd rather be chasing monsters in some backwater than having a nice dinner in a cosmopolitan city?" Mulder asks.

"I'd rather be with you than with them," she says, rolling her eyes.  "And maybe this time we'd be chasing monsters in Chicago or LA.  But at least it's my turn to pick a place.  I'll just make sure they have a good bar."

He frowns.  She has been drinking more at these dinners than she usually does.  He'd thought she was just stressed, but that isn't her normal coping mechanism.  Maybe it's to take the edge off.  Maybe it's more than that.  Maybe it's because pretending to date him is too much for her.  "You okay, Scully?"

"I drink so that nobody will ask if I'm pregnant," she says.  "Not because I have a problem."

"Not because the idea of being in a fake relationship with me is too much to bear?" he teases.

"I don't need my inhibitions lowered to kiss you," she says.  "Does that satisfy you?"

"It helps," he says.

She edges closer to him.  "I didn't have anything to drink at the movie, if you recall, and I don't think I seemed particularly inhibited afterwards."

"Uh, no," he says, trying to think about baseball, which really doesn't work anymore as a way to avoid an inconvenient hardon, after all their conversations.  "I can't say you did."

"Any activity I engage in is voluntary and uninfluenced by intoxicants," she says.  "Even if it is under the auspices of a sham relationship."

"I've been meaning to ask you about the utility of the kind of physical activity no one else sees," he says.  "Not that I want it to stop."

"I thought you were a method actor," she says.

"Definitely," he assures her.  

"It seemed to me that you were enjoying the process," she says.

"I am," he says quickly.  "I'm sure it adds dimension to our performance in the moment."

"We don't have to continue," she says, gazing steadily at him.  "I just felt like we could both use a reward for all our efforts."

"Better than a prize from the claw machine," he jokes.

"Expressing one's sexuality is an essential part of most adults' mental and physical health," she points out.  "And neither of us has had the time to pursue that in any extracurricular capacity, so to speak.  It's an expedient solution to a somewhat stressful situation."

"You make it sound so romantic," he murmurs.  

She tilts her head, looking at him with eyes that are both compassionate and amused.  "Should we light a candle next time?  Play some Marvin Gaye?"

"Ha ha," he says sarcastically.  He's kind of astonished she's still okay with candles, after Donnie Pfaster, but it isn't like he wants to bring that up.

She puts her hand over his.  "Mulder.  Nobody matters to me more than you do.  If kissing is complicating things, we can stop."

"No," he says.  "You're right.  It does help me unwind.  Who knew that a nice dinner out with a nice couple could be so exhausting?"

"I think it adds dimension to your acting," she teases.  "You really do look like you can't wait for dinner to be over."

"What can I say?" he asks.  "I've got a sweet tooth.  Dessert is my favorite part of the meal."  He looks her over deliberately, as if his meaning wasn't already clear.

"Hmm," she says in a playful tone.  "And here I thought I was the main course."

"You're a whole meal, Scully," he assures her.  "Seven courses at least."

"Good to know," she says, looking a little smug.  "Thai on Friday, or do you think that's too spicy for them?"

"You dated Ethan," Mulder reminds her.  "You don't remember what he liked?"

Scully rolls her eyes.  "Relationships change people," she says.  "And no, I don't remember what he liked.  A lot of things have happened since then."

"Thai's fine with me," he says.  "I'm sure there are some non-spicy options.  Or you could ask Jenny when she calls you tonight to tell you about houses."

She makes a non-committal noise.  "Then I'll have to hear about all the things that give her heartburn and various other types of indigestion."

"Sounds better than an autopsy report," he offers.

She levels a stern glance at him.  "Mulder, stop playing matchmaker.  I don't need to be friends with my ex's fiancée."

"Just trying to help," he says innocently.  "If it's inevitable, why fight it?"

"Do you even listen to yourself?" she demands.  "When have you ever decided not to fight something just because it was inevitable?"

"It's nice," he says.  "To see you having some kind of a life, the way you used to.  You used to have friends.  You used to go on dates.  I feel like I took all of that from you, Scully."

"I made a choice," she says fiercely.  "I made a lot of choices, Mulder.  They were my choices.  Don't ever imagine that you could take my agency from me."

"The things that have happened to you since you were assigned to this job," he begins, but she cuts him off.

"None of that is your fault," she says firmly.  "I decided to make your cause mine as well.  I knew it was dangerous.  It was my choice."

"I don't want you living a life that's less than full on my account," he says quietly.

She takes his hand again.  "My life isn't less than full," she tells him.  "Even if it's not the life I imagined when I was younger.  I wanted a pony when I was six.  The fact that I don't have one now doesn't mean I haven't realized my dreams.  I'm living the life I want."

"It doesn't always seem that way," he says.

"We all have moments of frustrating and wanting something else," she says.  "That doesn't mean I'm not happy most of the time, or that I'm unfulfilled.  If I'd wanted to leave, Mulder, I would have left.  Don't push me away just because you have some other aspirations for me.  That isn't fair.  You don't get to decide what's safe or right for me without my say."

He nods.  "All right."

"What I want right now," she says in a deliberate voice, "is to go out for Thai food with you and Ethan and Jenny on Friday.  I want to hear all about how the baby's started kicking and how the painters are finally finished and oh, we should come and see the place once they get all the furniture put together, and how nice, here's our invitation to their baby shower slash housewarming, and gosh, they're coming up on their limit of guests for the wedding but they'd just love if we were able to make it, and isn't it a nice surprise that we all get along so well even though I used to fuck her soon-to-be husband."

"I can see why you'd need some stress relief after that," he says, smiling.

She smiles back.  "Remind me what third base is?"

"Uh, everything but," he says, fumbling his words.  "If I remember correctly."

"You seem to have retained your expertise despite what seems to be a dry spell," she teases.

"Just happy to be involved," he jokes back, trying very hard not to think about his midnight encounter with an aspiring vampire.  He had his own stress to relieve while Scully was missing.  Maybe he should have gone to grief counseling instead, but it would have been difficult to explain that he was, in fact, heartbreakingly and completely in love with his partner, who had been assigned to undermine him and then disappeared under mysterious circumstances.

"It's nice that we can have these different facets of our friendship," she says thoughtfully.  

"Definitely," he says.  "I wouldn't want to go through this gauntlet with anybody but you, Scully."

She smiles and licks her lips, looking like she might kiss him if they weren't in the office.  "Bring your appetite on Friday."

"I will," he assures her, and she lets go of his hand, and they're back to work, as professional as they can be.

[serendipitioussurvival]

The Problem with Reality, Pt 2

<Prev> The Monologue of one Maczysz Stilinski/Hale

“They say that, when you die, your life flashes before your eyes. Honestly though? That’s such a load of bullshit. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve almost died? Do you know how many of those incidents I’ve seen a play by play of my life? None, not even when I actually fucking died! I’ve been cheated out of a lot of shit in my life, a lot of good shit too, so I’m going to do the play by play! Ahem.

I was born Maczysz Angelika Stilinski to humans Claudia Stilinski and Jeorek ‘John’ Stilinski. I was an angelic kid no matter what anyone says. The first few years of my life were great, eating, sleeping, pooping and having someone else clean it up. That was nice, I guess, but then I got to be introduced to the wonderful world of education. Let me tell you - hell doesn’t even need to exist when you have fucking ADHD and a hyperactive imagination, okay? Not only that, but you put it in the body of a girl whose father was a Deputy and whose mother was a nurse. I was literally exposed to so much information - as much as I could get my hands on!

Believe me, by the time I was six I knew how to hide keys until my dad made copies or had to use the backup. I had a key for his filing cabinets, for the car, and for the front and back doors. I was never going to use them for evil though, maybe to do things I wasn’t supposed to, but never for evil. Anyway, getting off-topic. So, by six I was bilingual for Portuguese and English, a hell of a combination for a kid with ADHD who could barely form coherent sentences, let alone sentences with words that weren’t English. 

BUT - it was because of that multilingual gibberish that I landed my best friend, Scott McCall, who also knew Portuguese from his mother and bam! A friendship that lasts throughout multiple realities thank you very much. Then… then I lost my mom. I won’t go into that, I don’t want to, you already know the full situation in detail and it’s still painful. I - it’s my one regret, that little Mischief will have to go through that again, all because I couldn’t save her…

Uh, where - where was I? Oh, anyway, mom died. Dad started drinking. I hated it, had to learn to cook and do laundry. He never hit me or cursed me or anything, but he would - I dunno just give me these looks. Like he was looking for any trace of my mom in me, or he would look at anything but me. So, in true Max fashion, I shaved all my hair off. Scott thought it was punk as hell and told me we were totally brothers now. Hehe, it never bothered me that he saw me as a guy, made me really happy honestly since all my dad could see was my mom in me. So I started spending the night over at his more, studied with him, ate with him and Mel while she taught me how to cook certain dishes - she even let me help, the few times she was free to actually do that. 

Then dickhead Rafe - and no I don’t care that it isn’t his real name, he doesn’t deserve to be called anything but Rafe because he hates it so goddamn much - went and left because he chose to drink instead of fixing things with his family after Scottie got hurt. Suddenly we really were siblings, either staying the night over at his while my dad worked over night, or over at mine when Mel worked overnight. We slept in the same bed until we were thirteen - which other people still find weird. Let me tell you, we didn’t stop until he got his first morning wood at fifteen, and we celebrated it because, for the longest time, my poor Scottie thought his dick was broken.

Can I - can I even cuss here? Like, I’m not going to get smited, smote - whatever. I’m already here, fuck it.

Continuing on! At sixteen Scottie and I went all red riding hood into the woods and met the one, the only, Peter Hale. He was half-crazed and the other half of him was running on wolfy instincts, but it was Peter, and the prick decided that he liked my jacket on Scottie and bit him, turning him into a werewolf. 

Fast forward a couple more months of Scott trying to kill me, his first full moon where he made out with my crush and cemented the fact that I was definitely not lesbian, and then we get to the juicy bits where Peter killed Kate Argent - I hope that bitch is being burned to death, repeatedly, in hell. In fact - could I, like if I don’t get into Heaven or whatever comes after this, can I go to hell just to burn her? Like, that’d be my heaven. No..? Okay. 

Ahem, anyway, uh, Scott hit Peter with a Molotov, killing him, but Peter is crafty so he came back to life a little more sane but no less sassy, and decided to grace my doorstep every few nights with a letter on my window. They weren’t love notes, in fact, I’m pretty sure the first one was him telling me that he wished he had bitten me even though I said no just so his legacy wouldn’t ride on Scott’s shoulders. Looking back it’s funny, but back then I was furious. How dare this sociopathic nut job think my best friend lacks anything. 

Peter though, was different. Maybe death really does change you? I dunno, either way, he became more involved in the pack - or, well, he got more involved whenever I was involved. He gave me the research material he’d put together as his family’s bestiary and helped to figure out how to ‘cure’ Jackson’s reptile problem. 

Then he helped to deal with the Alpha pack and saved me from being tossed off the roof of the hospital by Ennis. Ah, there was also Scott betraying us, me, for the first time. That was fun, I think - honestly I think that was the first time that I actually touched Peter? Like he was always touching me and brushing against my arm, but I think that had been the first time I had touched him. 

It wasn’t anything special, but he stopped my panic attack somehow, and that was great. He was also really firm - ah, nevermind. That’s - that, I was seventeen for crying out loud. Okay? His body was hella nice and his smirk pissed me off and aroused me even when I wanted to kill him again. That night though, it was kind of the turning point. I no longer thought of immediately killing him whenever he annoyed me. 

Then the Alpha pack was dealt with, Scott was a ‘True Alpha’, and Deucalion was sent off - which I still don’t agree with, but whatever, I fixed that shit. Deuce gets to see his baby girl grow up now and Gerard is totally burning in hell next to Kate. Hehe, can - like I feel like I’m definitely gonna be sent to hell, so can you like, assign me to them? It’s gotta be their personal hell to see me again. No..? Gosh, I can’t tell what you’re thinking or feeling with that damned mask, whatever. Continuing on with my flashbacks. Ahem!

What was next? Oh yes, the Nogitsune.”