#but somehow still fall apart??? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-bi-space-ace · 1 year ago

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On todays episode of ‘I’m Avoiding Editing’ I made sunflower butter chocolate chip cookies and they did not turn out looking good but they do taste good.

#burnt around the edges #a little too soft in the middle #so flat #and thin #but somehow still fall apart???#tastes good! but my goodness. they look bad 🤣

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kingkatsuki · 2 years ago

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Does anyone else think about breaking up with their self-ships? Like scenarios for when, how or why it might happen and for how long. Whether you remain friends or cut each other off completely, and if fate will bring you back together later?

#I’ve just been having a lot of thoughts about this lately #like breaking up with Bakugou because things aren’t working no matter how hard we try #conflicting work schedules paired with external factors trying to pull us apart #he thinks I’m safer— better without him #and there’s nothing that can change his mind #so we go our separate ways and it’s hard esp when we share the same friends #having to be together at gatherings when you’re not really together #and it hurts #maybe we both try other relationships but it’s not the same #and maybe it’s years until we rekindle #but somehow the love is still there and it’s just as strong #idk the falling in love again trope hits so hard I love it #like just knowing there’s no one else in this world for you?#and even though years have passed you still find each other

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winterferger · 2 months ago

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Gonna be honest, I know they're meant to help, but my particular brand of suicidal ideology doesn't like these 'you have to live and persist and blah blah blah' messages out there.

I am struggling anyway. Every day has been a fight for years. Finding hope has been rare and delicate. Being told, impersonally, you're not allowed to die because this bad thing happened when you have no idea about the series of bad things a person has already been through. And now we're looking down the barrel of a gun of either people at best more concerned with the price of hamburgers than safety, at mid the efforts of a united coalition of assholes that needed us for a scapegoat, and at fully worst the slow decline of the environment.

Yeah, I mean, at least we get to see the consequences. The old folks will lose their social security and health care, but so will we. Environmentally charged hurricanes and ice storms and floods and fires will ravage the declining landscape and destroy their cheap ass housing in even the safest of places, but we also live in that landscape. We're going to be subjected to invasive treatment to make sure we're staying in our assigned lane. We're going to see friends trapped in the worst kinds of relationships if they overturn no-fault divorce.

And some of us are so goddamn tired of being strong. "You have to be strong, you have to persevere!" Like we WEREN'T BEING STRONG! Like we weren't hoping for a breather and instead we see a steeper hill?

For those of you on my slim little list, I understand why you're considering. I'm not going to judge you. I'm choosing moving, personally, because maybe starting over will save me, because the last time I tried to kill myself it was horrifying. Your body, no matter how sad your mind is, is trying hard not to die and it will react as such and boy your mind filled with horror is so much worse than a mind filled with sad. It's absolutely nightmarish, and I'm glad those weren't my last thoughts. For those that share my brain-type if you try to make it, do it for yourself and not anyone that says you have to.

#i feel kind of guilty #whenever i try to help with something #it falls apart #i feel like me trying to help cursed it somehow #i know that's not true #we were fighting an uphill battle against rich folks and putin crafted media #no one would get the fuck off twitter/x despite knowing what it was #no one would give up Amazon #too many people were too idealistic #and even if she'd won I would still know the hateful things half the country thought

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luke-shywalker · 3 months ago

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youtube

#i’m terrified to ever watch this movie. i think it would kill me. basically it’s about a marriage falling apart.#anyway—adam driver would do so good as bobby in company and i would die to see him in it #i’m seeing company tonight!!#it’s a special musical to me. it’s about marriage. how marriage is both exciting and boring and makes your life better and worse.#the months leading up to our wedding i was kind of a cynical mental wreck. there was so much i did not like about my husband-to-be.#sometimes i felt like the only reason i was going through with the marriage was because it was too late to get out of it.#i had spent my teen and college years wanting to have a boyfriend/husband then i got one and realized #oh wait this didn’t actually fix my problems huh #actually there are NEW problems now #and then somehow this past year has actually been like. the best year of my life lol #it’ll be a year next month!#yea there are still those Little Things. sometimes there are Bigger Things. but bruh this dude is so good for me #i have never been thriving as much as i have this year.#i’m so much healthier in so many ways than i have ever been all my life #and like it’s cringe to say that cuz i don’t want to say MARRIAGE is what fixed me but. i think it’s okay to say that #there must be some kind of GOOD to marriage otherwise there’d be no point in doing it #and i think i make his life better too. he tells me so at least lol.#and i’ll only be able to watch the show with one eye LOL but my husboi will be with me watching this musical #that i used to listen to when i was angsty about getting married #and now we are married #and life is great.#somebody need me too much #somebody know me too well #somebody pull me up short and put me through hell #and give me support #for being alive…#yeah there are times when it’s harder than being single but. the blessings are multiplied along with the hardship.#shywalker stuff #Youtube

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strawberry-cowmilk · 4 months ago

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I never imagined trying to clean something with a cat nearby would be so hard

#nana talks #so like I have an ancient 10 year old bike that has been unused for 3 years that I wanna start using again #and like I had to clean it of course so I had a bucket of soap water next to me right #panther decides to sit next to me which is super adorable but I had to stop him from drinking the soap or falling into the bucket #literally every 5 minutes #he was getting too close to the bucket I was not risking an accident taking place #worst part was I couldn't pet him because my gloves were all dirty and covered in soap #and the bike is somehow still in pretty good condition for being so ancient #she's pink I'm not giving up on her unless she's literally falling apart #also bikes are expensive I could spend that money on shoes instead

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leosett · 2 years ago

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the team rwby dynamic is so funny to me because we have a silver eyed warrior, the heiress to the biggest company in the world, an unofficial princess who’s father founded a major civil rights group, and then theres just this lesbian farmer

#and the way yang is still somehow the most important member #like shes the heart of the team #rwb falls apart without her #the end of volume 8 being a good example #rwby #Team RWBY #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long

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cosmicheartz · 5 months ago

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23 for clem and crystal. i can guess the answer to the others but i have to know this one.

Will they ever love again?

Yes they do in fact!

In my future au Crystal gets with Phoebe and Clem with Quentin ( obvs during/post his redemption arc )

It’s also a polycule thing too since Quentin and Phoebe are dating

Here’s a visual representation ^

#idk how/when Phoebe and Crystal get together #but regarding Clem and Quentin I do have some ideas #for starters after Raz and Crystal go through Clems mind and help him Clem needs a place to stay #bc he can’t go back to his parents ( or well more specifically his mom bc his dad is.. well yknow… )#and the motherlobe doesn’t have a proper place for him to stay at due to the dorms mainly being for interns and junior psychonauts #( and also Raz has a dorm even when he’s a full fledged agent )#Crystal offers to let Clem stay at her place but he refuses bc 1. there’s still a lot of stuff they have to work out #and 2. he doesn’t want to be a burden to her or end up fucking up her mental health since he’s still struggling with that #and somehow Quentin hears abt this through the grapevine and offers to let Clem stay at his apartment #since he has an extra bedroom #and to have some company around the house while Phoebe is doing her psychonauts duties #Clem is hesitant at first but ultimately agrees #and after a while he ends up falling for Quentin #but there’s a lot of internal conflict bc Clem knows Quentin and Phoebe are together #eventually it culminates into Clem confessing his feelings and Quentin reciprocating #and telling Clem that he and Phoebe are poly #cosmic chatz

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melto · 10 months ago

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my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.

#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy #which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself #but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible #and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them #and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them #and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it #and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about #but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me #even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around #And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes #somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much #but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself #so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car #every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart #i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god #im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac

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tautozhone · 8 months ago

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idk how to start this so this post is ab individual action, trying to motivate positive change in the world, etc etc

a lot of growing up in the US for me makes things feel more scary than they are. like it’s actually not that difficult to go out of your way to get a bottle of water or iced cup of water from some random drive through if you think you should do it. either fast food conglomerate or local actually, it’ll usually be cheaper than 5 dollars to get drinkable water. i try to have 5-10 dollars i can justify spending on water, and asking for change, because sometimes when i’m out driving i need to go grab water.

i do not do this for me as much as i try to do it specifically when i see someone who’s most likely homeless on a street corner. i’m sure one day i might do this and they might not be there when i come back, but what have i lost really? a bit of time and a bit of money that would’ve meant more to them, that i can hold onto until i see them next.

the pressure that a lot of people feel when they think “what can i do” comes from this grand narrative that the average citizen can singlehandedly fix the housing crisis. rich people? maybe. nonprofits? not in a day, not all one person still. what can i do is a question i ask a lot. what can i do, not just because it feels bad to move along like nothings wrong with the world, but what can i do that will do anything. what can i do that makes even the smallest change.

i feel like it took me too long to figure out a personal method to what i consider individual action. it’s taking time to get to my own financial stability to be able to do more. but for now it’s as simple as water and cash. not water and food, but water and cash.

individual action means a lot in small steps, go get a bottle of water bare minimum and the price of a meal if you can and then just give it to them. if it wasn’t such a miserably hot place where i live i would keep a pack of water in my car, which i still want to do for the sake of having immediate access to water to give someone who might need it- hot or cold sometimes won’t matter. but when it’s hot out, get cold water, if it’s cold out, a warm tea will hydrate more than coffee will as long as it’s not super caffeinated.

#very genuinely i’ve always felt paralyzed by the idea i cannot doing anything to help and on the grand scale i kind of can’t #i can’t give someone a house to stay in where i could take care of the space enough to get someone back on their own feet #but i can give someone water and some money for whatever they need #one day i’ll be able to do more but for now. water bottles and cash.#what i want to say here is everyone knows bare necessities and everyone knows ways to get them #i also have an opinion that you should sit with and hold the harsh feeling of seeing the world fall apart and help people survive anyway #idfk man #i’ve met some extremely fucking jaded people in my time at college who seem to have no way to piece together that they can do SOMETHING #one of my classmates once complained about feeling bad about not doing anything for a guy on a corner and i recognized who #because i’d seen him too and done nothing at least 5 times before one day on the way home i gave him all the cash i had on me #she’d said she’d do more if she wasn’t so scared and anxious of being hurt. i don’t see how he could even look harmful or dangerous #he blessed me and offered a hug and asked me to have a good day and said thank you and i still can’t see why she was scared of him #at the same time i hadn’t done anything until i saw myself in someone else and thought it looked nasty. looked uncaring.#i saw him again today and gave him a water bottle and all the cash i had on me. i told him the weather seemed hot #he agreed with me and he took the bottle of water #i think i interrupted him opening it to hand him the rest #he got up and he blessed me again #offered a hug and more thank you’s and it’s so simple but i felt us both human in that moment. talking about the weather in a brief exchange #wishing each other well as we go different ways #he wouldn’t stop thanking me and wishing me well #i told him it was the smallest thing i think anyone could do and i still walked away hollow wishing to have done more somehow #to suddenly own an apartment complex nearby for him and anyone he knew that needed it too #not a rigid shelter but a place to make home #blah blah blah talking too much about a deed done because i get emotional about humanity #tauto talks

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whom-the-flowers-weep · 8 months ago

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The summer cannot come fast enough

#hello am still around #my life is falling apart but i am still here somehow #ooc

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luciana-silentstar · 2 years ago

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I decided because I love suffering that everyone gets their own halter.

#-pops on once in a blue moon to update and dip-#like what it's been. ten years since I've basically said 'hey life is crazy but I really wanna try to be active again!!' lmfao #somehow life keeps getting crazier in good and absolutely abysmal ways #have been sleeping on my floor for the past week due to Fun Health Issues which will probably be a thing for the next month+#and I would b*tch about that but today is the first day in the past week that I have not been miserable so #I'm on a 'I do not feel like sh*t! :DDDD' high lmao #I'm good!! life is just funny and I really need to do standup tbh #when I suffer apparently I am hilarious so silver linings 💕#chaotically toggles between emoticons and emojis bc f*ck the police no one can stop me #this is me a week *not* taking my prescribed amphetamines ahahaha #on them I am actually relaxed and chill which is funny #off them I'm either a sloth or nighttime kitty zooms basically #my body may b falling apart but you cannot stop my chaotic little mind apparently #ANYWAY broken record babey but I do... want to be more active.... if it happens I'll eat my hat but.#can I just say how elated I am that MORE SNOW #Winter Riders was my first SS game so. snow in game is v special to me and I literally dreamed about this and they MAGICALLY DELIVERED #I have a million critiques but clearly I still love the game and I am very happy with how they handled this lmao #anyway I hope everyone is healthier and a little more mentally stable than I <3 #I love this stupid game a lot it is still my comfort... n0n-object. sldkfj.#also everyone must know I am f*cking OBSESSED with the unicorn oh my god #still a ponygirl at heart ig 😒 owell #also ye Dragonheart got an update!! heeeee #Dragonheart #Illusion #Brilliant Vision #Myth #Chocolate Dream #mostly sticking to two part names but ngl. for certain special horses I'm enjoying the single name options #also the halter thing is to sorta discourage me from impulse buying horses lmfao #I am 99% positive it will have 0 effect lmaooooo but everyone looks fancy now

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peppermintbutch · 9 months ago

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The next semester is going to KILL me. Bachelor thesis which idk what I want to write about AT ALL and if my adhd brain is even able to do it, two seminars that are probably gonna be super boring bcs the seminars this semester all suck for some reason AND immediately after that I have to do a work experience and write a report abt that. Oh and the semester starts NEXT WEEK

#plus still a lot of work until we can reopen the bar #im soo scared i wont be able to do it and everything falls apart bcs i didn't care enough and then i wont have any qualifications at all #also have to get a legal name change SOMEHOW very soon so my degree won't have the wrong name on it. for which i have to go to court #(in my birth city. it's pretty much a tossup if it's gonna work or not)#maybe i should try to get back on adhd meds that might help but i got heart palpitations and gi issues last time which sucked #god. literally every week I'm like what the FUCK is wrong with me why can't i just care and get things done why am i so lazy #but i guess it's adhd. or depression or the absurdity of having to have aspirations for myself when people all over the world are suffering #anyway I'm grumpy and feeling hopeless. but it will be ok i can do it. maybe. either way it's gonna work out some way or another

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ayakashibackstreet · 10 months ago

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You know what, joining that Discord show club was a great idea, like half of my favourite PKC folks are there. And is there anything more wholesome than someone going '1!! hey, I remember that dog!! she's adorable, I'm glad she's doing well!' about a little pixel friend they made for you years ago?

#someone also said they liked one of my older petz that I got from a member of the Polish Petz community back in the day #and we went on to reminiscent about how the community used to be back then #honestly? in a way that talk is the closest thing I'll ever get to closure in regards to what happened with the PKC #and I think that with that I can actually try and move on #even though it's pretty damn tough when a niche site that's been around since you were born just...... falls apart due to technical issues #but I've done it before. SHiR felt like it would never go away too after all #and I was there with PTI practically since the very beginning and until the very end #anyways the Petz community is still so vibrant and cool #it hurts but it'll heal. It somehow hurts way more now that I'm an adult though.#maybe because now the Polish Petz community basically /has/ no home? and I've known some of those people since I was 11?#still.... all good things must come an end and I can accept it. I feel I'm slowly getting closer to that point.#maybe I'll slowly warm up to the concept of using my RKC account ahahaha.... the RKC people were always really nice after all #the Petz community at large won't die anytime soon I don't think. Most of us have been here for at least 10 years after all.#a huge chunk of them for 20+ years #again. some people have been here longer than I've been alive #it's not something that can entirely disappear

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cringefailfagcat · 10 months ago

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the way one of my friends offered to get people drinks. one of the others asked for a rum and coke, so i asked for a vodka lemonade n then they stood right behind me and went 'is olive allowed to drink?' it killed something inside me a little bit. like i wasn't episoding i've been responsible about my drinking recently don't take away my autonomy when i'm capable of looking after myself please. i know i barely can but don't. don't make this one of the few things people will actually talk to me for

#sorry but i just feel so isolated in the friend group #like no-one's leaving me out its just everyone is coupled up and the only other single people are in a qpr and go home together to watch #korra everytime we hang out and it kills that i'm the only one who has to go and be alone. everyone else skips off all happy and i'm left #to go back to my little den of depression and fight through the panic abandonment response that i get every time i leave them #but if i isolate myself completely i will be even worse. my therapist told me to make myself socialise as much as i can and i've been tryin #and it's usually alright for most of the time when we're together. like nice even if its heartbreakingly lonely and i dont have the spoons #to contribute consistently to conversations #vent #sorry i'm just. i feel like i'm falling apart slowly #catching bits as they fall and shoving them back into me but still deteriorating faster than i can fix myself #i want to stop.#i can't be a human anymore #i can study and live in literature but i cannot be human #i can't be loved.#i just want to beg one of my tutors to let me camp out in their office for a few hours so they can help me somehow do my essay #like. i can't do it on my own. i can't think enough to scrape up my memory of the books i'm writing about #and i don't have time to reread them to find quotes #i just. want to be a cat hiding under people's tables with the occasional pet from people who are kind enough to like my type of creature #but be left to sleep and do what i need to at my own pace #is that really so much to ask? can i become smaller please. take away this body of mine and give me something that fits the shape of me

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jemmo · 1 year ago

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#can i just rant for a second pls #about life #I hate to be the kind of person to do this I don’t want ppl to worry or just be nice to me I’m not doing this to get anything in return on #I’m just doing this bc I need to get it out somehow and feel like its at least been said #bc I have no one I can say it to #I just really don’t know how to hold myself together at the moment #I don’t know how to have the strength to push to do all these things I need to do and want to do while still holding together every other #single fucking person in my life and being the person that gets all their stress loaded onto while not knowing how to fix any of it #I wanna be that person I wanna be someone you can go to but when it’s everyone all at once and it’s all these people around me that can’t #seem to communicate and make bad situations worse and I get they don’t have the strength to keep themselves together and face things with at #least a bit of a better mindset but god I can’t do that for everyone #it feels like everyone is falling apart and I’m the person in everyone’s life that’s trying to hold them together #and I really care about these people but I can’t seem to find the space for it all #not when on top of everyone having things that are shifting their life for me then to have my own life shifting too #all I wanted was peace just some rest before it all started happening I just wanted the summer to be easy and it’s not #I wanted this summer to be normal to be that last summer of family and it feels like I can’t have that anymore and I hate it #I hate that I feel alone #and I hate feeling like I can’t fall apart or put myself first bc I’m always gonna need to and want to be there for everyone else #I hate that I can’t cope #I hate that I can’t seem to live #that I can never muster up the energy or strength to do the things I want bc it feels like every force in my life is just pushing me back #down and I hate saying this bc it’s so selfish and mean but I hate being here sometimes #I’m so afraid and nervous to leave but at the same time I think about being out of here and only having to hold myself up for once #and to not be surrounded by this atmosphere that feels impossible to be in #I just need things to stop but they won’t and I literally feel like I’m out in the middle of the ocean with absolutely no idea of what to do #to save myself and I feel like I need to actually do something about it instead of just moving on and forgetting about it bc what if I just #drown what the fuck then #and yet I feel the overwhelming need to say at the end don’t worry it ain’t that deep tho I’m sure I’ll be fine just gonna keep going #lol just gotta get back on being that person with their shit together right fake it till you make it and all that #anyway bye sorry for just dropping this idk when I’ll be back on tumblr thank you to everyone that sent nice messages before they meant alot

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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#thats me in the corner. thats me in thr spotlight. rocking from side to side and not contributing to the conversation #which is to say. i made it to thr lab get together with an old lab mate. i really truely did not think i would #i was like 20min late bc of the crying and hyperventilating over a 6min drive down the road #i sorta freaked out while driving too. and almost turned around. its just that i kno i havent been sleeping enough and got overwhelmed #but i made it there. and i dont think i looked like id been crying but i probably looked a bit blank faced and miserable #as i rocked from side to side for like 2hrs listening to ppl talk. i enjoyed it exactly as much as i expected. it was good to see the guy #again but i just dont connect in group gatherings idk. im glad its done. also fucking we were sitting there and a group comes in and whos #in that group?? someone i have avoided seeing for like a loooong time. the guy who tried to be in a relationship with me back when i 1st #started as a grad student. i say relationship. i was explaining to him why i couldnt do any sort of romantic e tanglement and he was very #firm abt not wanting a relationship. and im like bro im explaining u why no romanticly adjacent thing is gonna work. u literally asked me #to physically hold ur hand thru this. u r somehow more emotionally invested in this than me and also are telling me that u just wanna fuck #me. so like u r not slick. whatever. it was so fucking stressful at the time. which i feel bad abt bc it wasn't really his fault #i was just less self aware so i didnt kno i have bad awareness in the moment. like i dont kno a lines been crossed until a week later when #im laying on thr floor falling apart. so like i wish him the best. didnt kno he was still around. hopefully this doesnt trigger stress #dreams. all this to say i was very fucking tense. and when i got back in my car i was like shaky and panting lol #idk looking back its just such a weird situation with that dude. if i was anyone else it woudlnt have been a big deal but #my brain just doesn't process physical touch right. so now ive got these horrible touch memories that like on paper r literally nothing #but for me they were so unfathomablly awful when i 1st aquired them. i literally could not deal with any romantic stuff for like a month #bc it would like trigger me. now thst its been like 3 years its not bad tho. just like gives me thr ick but i dont get #stuck in the memories too much. its so dumb. whatever. point is im all sore now from sitting all tense haha #unrelated

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