#but so far its been fine. the moments between dean and cas are very tense but im not being 14 years old about it [crazy]

[girl-bateman]

The gay angel has arrived. Will have to think about if I want to continue down this road or spare my sanity. Time will tell.

[writingtoforgetreality]

You’re A Winchester? - Part Two (Castiel x Winchester!Reader)

[Supernatural-Masterlist]

Part One

Summary: The case in Wisconsin got complicated. In more ways than one. Cas was not sure what happened to you but you were acting different. He had to find out why. He had to know if he did something wrong.

Words: 4,053

Warnings: language, kidnapping, angst, little bit of fluff?, Sam has the brains, angels are dicks, I feel like this could actually become a miniseries?, Do you want me to continue? I’m not sure…, (Y/E/C) = your eye color

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

The drive to Wisconsin was slow & exhausting. Throughout the long hours, you did some more research on the case. It looked like an easy one, actually. Almost too easy for your liking. But who were you to bad talk an easy hunt? After all, you were still somewhat new to this business. Though, nobody would realize that. If they did not know, they would believe you had been hunting for your entire life.

“We’re almost there.” Cas broke the silence that had been accompanying the two of you for a while. A look out of the window & you could make out the small town you were rolling in. Almost immediately, a strange feeling washed over you. By the way Cas’ body tensed up, you knew he had a similar impression of this place.

“Cas?” you questioned. No way would this turn out to be an easy case.

“Yes, I know.” he soothed your thoughts a little. Something was off & neither you nor Cas could tell what it was. Not yet, at least. The ’78 Lincoln Continental Mark V came to a halt in the parking lot of an old-fashioned motel. Same old, same old. Back in your universe, you had never had enough money to afford an actual hotel so usually, the cheap version had to do. So, not that much had changed.

The two of you checked into a room, not bothering to get one with two beds since Castiel did not sleep anyway. The motel literally looked like every single other one across the country. Same uncomfortable bed, same ugly wallpaper, same ancient furniture. Moments like this, you missed the bunker an awful lot. Deciding to give your brothers a call, you dialed Sam’s number.

“(Y/N), hey! You already there?” Sam’s voice came through the speaker.

“Yep, it took forever.” sighing out tiredly, you plopped down onto the mattress. “I gotta say, though…something seems a little off.”

“As in…?” he inquired curiously.

“We don’t know yet.” your head was put into your hand. The traveling tired you out & you craved a few hours of rest.

“Okay. And besides that? Everything alright? It’s not…weird, is it?” it almost sounded like he was uncomfortable while asking this question.

“Should it be weird?” your eyebrows furrowed at his use of words.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” you could hear the smirk in his tone. That was when the realization kicked in.

“You’re talking about me being alone with Cas?” looking around, you were glad that the angel was still outside, grabbing your luggage.

“I might be.” Sam mumbled, then his voice got louder again. “Look, all I’m saying is take care & uh, use protection.”

“Oh my God, Sam.” shaking your head frantically, there was another sigh from you. “I’ll call when we’re done here. You’re a horrible brother, by the way.” your body was on fire. Embarrassed that now, even Sam called you out on your crush.

“I love you, too. Bye, (Y/N).” the call ended & you fell back onto the mattress. A second later, the door opened & Cas walked in. At least he missed that talk with Sam. Otherwise it would be painfully awkward between you guys.

In the morning, Cas & you went to investigate a family. They were close to the person that had been mysteriously killed & you hoped to receive a bit more background information from them. The couple seemed nice. Wealthy husband being incredibly happy with his beautiful wife. An apple pie life. Like the one Dean wanted Cas & you to have. Obviously, that would never be the case. Not when you were part of this business. Not when you were a hunter. When they offered, you thanked them for the coffee they brought you. Something that Cas could drink as well. The talk was not necessarily helpful. Nothing you had not already found out yourselves. Still, you acted politely towards them. After all, they had been very hospitable. Before leaving the house, you asked if you could use their bathroom. The man showed you the way. This family was not connected to your case, not in a way that helped you anyway. Which meant that you had to do more research. Yay. Finishing in the bathroom, you were confused when the door did not open. Like it was stuck. Rattling on the door knob a few times, you used your other hand to knock on the door. You had to bring their attention to you. But it seemed like nobody heard you. The bathroom was not that far away from the living room area so it did not make sense to you that they did not hear you in there. The lock clicked & you sighed out in content when the man who had lead you here helped you out a second time today. Your warm, thankful smile faltered when something hard hit your head. Darkness met your body after that.

Heavy eyelids opened slowly. The light blinded you & out of instinct, you squinted to avoid it. After a few more seconds, you adjusted to the light. Looking around, you found yourself inside an unfurnished room. The chair you sat on the only piece. But wait. Your wrists were tied to the armrests. Your legs strapped as well. Tightly. Painfully tight. No matter your efforts, it did not move an inch. How did you get here? Where was Cas? Looked like your assumptions about this family were wrong. Because kidnapping was not part of your plan. And you being trapped here changed your entire view of this case drastically. That strange feeling you had in this town was not for nothing. But who were you up against? No vengeful spirts, no demons, no witches. What else could it be?

“Would you look at that, the princess is awake.” the same man from earlier entered the room, a creepy smile adorning his features. It made you gulp. Your heart quickened its pace. You were skilled when it came to fighting but right now, there was not a lot of room left to move around. Which left you vulnerable.

“Aw, honey. You scared her. Can’t you see the fear in her eyes?” his wife followed, that sweet voice of hers erupting the room.

“(Y/N)…Can I call you (Y/N)?” the only response he got was a deathly glare from you. One, that made him chuckle enthusiastically. “The newest addition to the Winchesters. Leaving her universe behind to go live with her brothers.” he recapped the last months for you as if you had forgotten already. “You shouldn’t even be here.” remarking with sympathetic eyes, he walked closer to you. Kneeling down so you were on one level.

“You see…we wouldn’t care much for you. Another Winchester do deal with? Okay, fine. But there’s one thing we cannot accept.” the woman spoke up again.

“And what would that be?” sarcastically asking, looking between the pair in front of you.

“We can’t have you close to Castiel.” the kneeling man finished. Your expression turned into one of confusion. “Don’t play innocent here, sweetheart. We’re not that stupid.”

“You’re angels.” you concluded after piecing everything together. “That case in Wisconsin. It was a trap so you guys could get to me.”

“100 points for our contestant.” the woman fake cheered.

“You know, there would’ve been easier ways to catch me.”

“True but where would the fun be in that? Besides, we couldn’t have you close to those brothers of yours. Too protective over you for my liking.”

“Okay, Mister. But you do realize that Cas is here somewhere & he’ll try everyth-“

“Ah, I’ll stop you right there.” his finger lifted to shut you up. “You cannot reach him here. It’s…how do I say it? Castiel safe.”

“What do you want from me then? You wanna kill me?” though it was hard, you tried to hide how scared you truly were right now.

“I know you’re smarter than that, (Y/N). If we wanted you dead, we would’ve killed you already. Castiel would be after us if we did. We simply wanted to warn you. Stay close to him & you’ll regret it.” his threat was intimidating.

“How do you define close?” it was a legitimate question.

“You know what we mean…This room will be Castiel safe for a bit longer. After that, you can pray to him & he’ll hear you. If I were you, I’d think of a good excuse in the meantime. Don’t forget…one wrong move & we’ll be back. Goodbye, (Y/N).” & with that, the two of them left you alone. They did not tell you when it was possible to send out a prayer. They did not tell you where you were exactly. All you knew was that they were serious. And you should not mess with them. When Dean had told you that angels were dicks, you did not think that was what he was warning you about. Their condition was simple. You should stay away from Cas or you would regret it. And you assumed that these angels were a lot stronger than you could handle. You did not want to die & neither did you want to risk Cas’ well-being. Immediately, you started prayer after prayer. He had to hear it sooner or later. All you could do now was try.

It felt like days passed. Hundreds, thousands of prayers later & still no sight of Cas. Maybe that was your end. All those years of unsuccessful searching for your family only for you to end up in another universe. Reunited with your brothers. And that was how you would go? Not what you imagined your life to be if you were completely honest. You were close to passing out. No food, no water, nothing. Your body was weak. You were weak. By now, every last ounce of hope had vanished.

“(Y/N)?” the last thing you saw before falling unconscious was Cas running to you.

Castiel had finally heard you. Begging for him to help you. To rescue you. No time was wasted. He found you soon after, shocked by the state you were in. Three days ago, he left you out of his sight. He had not stopped looking for you but it seemed useless. Until a small, broken voice appeared inside his head. Yours. Desperate words reached him. He knew he had to act fast. How he had lost you? No idea. Everything went so fast. Before he knew it, you were gone. Of course this family hid more than they let on. The second he found you, a weight got lifted off of his shoulders. No way could he bear losing you so shortly after you got closer. Immediately, he went to heal you. No bad wounds were adorning your body. Just your weakness was present. Yet, you could not stay awake any longer. Cas did not know how long you had been in there but from your exhaustion, he assumed just as long as he had searched for you. Freeing you of the ropes that were holding you to the chair, he picked you up bridal style. Teleporting to your motel room where he laid you on the bed gently. Looked like you were not planning on waking up anytime soon. So Cas packed all of your stuff & got his car ready. He no longer cared about this case. All he cared about was you being safe. And the bunker was the best safety you could get. He could deal with this hunt later.

Sam & Dean had no idea about your state, they thought the two of you were still in Wisconsin. Wrong. And they started worrying like crazy the moment Cas entered the bunker with you in his arms, unconscious. Question after question was thrown at Castiel who seemed to ignore his surroundings entirely. He just wanted to get you to your bed. The entire drive was spent asleep & he knew you would be like that for a while.

Sore. Your body felt sore. Like you had not moved in ages. Like the smallest movement took too much strength. Strength you could not muster right now. A familiar smell filled your nostrils. The sheets welcoming you. These were no motel sheets. No. You were home. How did you make it back? You definitely were not in Wisconsin anymore. Wait a second. There were no angels to hold you hostage anymore. Had Cas heard your prayers? Seemed like it. You could yell for him, for your brothers, but no words came out as soon as you opened your mouth. The hours of sleep you got did not change the fact that you were incredibly tired. Exhausted. Groaning, you stood up from the comfort of your bed. If nobody was here with you right now, then you had to take matters into your own hands. A glass of water. Something. You needed something. Your body made this task unnecessarily hard, though. One step after the other. Small, slow steps & you would reach the kitchen not long after. You got this.

Your walk to the kitchen was cut short when Sam saw you walking unsteadily. Running over to you, he picked you up a second later & brought you to the main area in the bunker.

“(Y/N). Why didn’t you yell for us?” the concern was audible.

“My voice.” creaking out, Sam’s eyes widened in realization. He left only to return a second later with a glass of water in hand. Gladly, you took it from him & enjoyed the cold liquid soothing your throat. Downing the glass, you handed it back to him. In this moment, Dean & Cas entered the room. Noticing you were awake, the two of them jogged over to you.

“(Y/N)? Are you alright?” Cas cupped your cheeks, caressing your soft skin with his thumbs. How you wanted to enjoy this moment. How you wanted it to never end. But your conversation with those angels came into your mind again. You leaned back, out of Cas’ reach. Eyes training down, you hoped nobody would question you.

“Um, yeah…I’m okay now. Just a little sore.” three pairs of eyes bore into you. They knew something was off. Dean was the first one to speak up.

“What happened?” sighing loudly at his question, you knew you had to improvise now.

“I didn’t do enough research. The case wasn’t as easy as we first thought it to be. The couple Cas & I were investigating? Witches. It was my fault they caught me, really. I should’ve been more careful.” after finishing, you risked a look at the three men in front of you. Did not look like they bought your little lie.

“There were no hints of witches there. We would’ve noticed.” Cas argued & you rolled your eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Were you the one they kidnapped?” snapping at him, your voice was sharp. It was not your intention to sound so rude but everything overwhelmed you. Jumping up a second later, you ran back to your room, leaving them behind dumbfounded.

A soft knock was on your door. Maybe if you kept quiet they would leave you alone. Today was not your lucky day, apparently. Dean opened the door slowly, peaking his head inside to make sure you were not sleeping.

“What do you want, Dean?” you sat on your bed, back pressed against the headboard.

“Something’s wrong.” he noted, approaching you.

“I guess being kidnapped does that to you.”

“Cut the crap, (Y/N).” his voice raised slightly, immediately shutting you down. Your head hung low. “What’s wrong?” now, much softer, he took a seat on the edge of your bed.

“Nothing, Dean.” sighing out, your head was thrown back, eyes closed in frustration.

“I think I know you well enough to notice when you’re lying.” & he was right. There was not a lot of things you could keep from him. Sam did not always tell when you lied to him but Dean could see right through you. “So, let’s do this again…What’s wrong?” his sincere eyes locked onto yours & that was when you knew you could not keep this from him. Not all of it.

“Cas kissed me.” Dean’s eyes widened at your statement. It took you two long enough. But when he saw your features change, he could tell that something about this was bothering you.

“But?” his question followed up.

“But it didn’t do anything with me.” your own words broke your heart but you could not risk it. Could not risk Cas’ safety. “The witches I could handle. Well…you know what I mean. They didn’t hurt me, just trapped me.” fiddling with your hands in your lap.

“What are you trying to say? You don’t like Cas?” Dean was confused. More than once had you let on that you liked the angel & when he talked to Cas about all of this, then he found out that he liked you, too.

“No. I do. Just not how I thought I would.” quieting down, you were done with the conversation for now. “I’m tired, Dean. I’ll join you guys later today, alright?” Dean nodded, stood up & left your room without another word. Though, his mind was running. Something about this entire situation felt wrong. Right now, he could not tell why. But he was sure he would find out sooner or later.

“Cas, man. What the hell did you do?” Dean was livid. For months, you had had eyes for the angel. And now, you told him he kissed you & you did not feel anything? What was going on?

“What?” Castiel was confused. Confused by Dean’s angry tone & by his accusation. Did he do something?

“You & (Y/N).” he pointed out.

“What about us?”

“Seriously? So I have to watch you guys dancing around your feelings for months only for her to tell me that when you kissed her it didn’t do anything with her?” his eyebrows raised, clearly waiting for an explanation. Cas, on the other hand, did not understand a single thing.

“She said that?” the angel’s voice was barely above a whisper. You kissed him back. Before you drove to Wisconsin, it was you who kissed him the second time.

“Yes. So you owe me an explanation before I kick your ass.” there it was. Dean’s protective side. He did not think, when you first came into their universe, that he would care for you on such a deep level. But here he was. And he could tell that Cas broke something in you.

“Dean, nothing happened. I kissed her, yes. But she kissed me, too. I thought we were fine until she woke up & didn’t want me to touch her.” it did not make sense to him. Was all of it a lie? Were you just playing around? He did not think you to be that kind of person. Whatever he did, he had to make it right before it was too late.

Later that day, you risked leaving your room once again. Hopefully, you would not come across anyone. You still had to greet Jack but that could wait. For now, you just wanted a little something to eat. It had been a while since you had your last meal & your stomach was rumbling with protest. Cas’ silhouette was in front of you. Shit, you really were not in the mood to interact with him. Yes, it hurt to know that whatever the two of you started the other day could never be. Before you could turn around & leave again, Castiel faced you. The hurt in his face was present & the guilt set in. He was like that because of you. You were the reason for his pain. And this thought itself hurt you more than anything. His feet dragged him over to you. A little step back from you made him stop. Apparently, you did not want to have him close.

“(Y/N)?” his tone brought tears to your eyes. But you would not let them fall. You could not. “Talk to me, please.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” you were being cold towards him which was uncommon. It was not in your nature to act like that. You were the sweetest soul Cas had ever met. Whoever was standing in front of him right now was not you.

“What did I do?” his concerned eyes locked onto your (Y/E/C) ones.

“You didn’t do anything, Cas. Believe me, please.” your plea was almost inaudible. No longer could you bare looking at him. You would break down in tears.

“Something changed you when you were trapped.”

“Cas, can we not do this right now?” closing your eyes briefly, you let out a sigh to calm yourself down. Leaving him no time for a response, you left the room again. Still no food inside of you. But you lost your appetite anyway.

The next morning, when you made your way back to the kitchen area again, you were glad when you were only met with Sam. His warm smile was welcoming. Something that let you feel at ease.

“Good morning. Coffee?” he offered you a cup & you gladly accepted. “I made pancakes. Are you hungry?”

“Starving.” chuckling when your stomach grumbled. Sam handed you a plate & you sat down, quietly munching on your breakfast. At least he did not ask you about the case.

“What do they hold against you?” Sam asked after a few moments of silence.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I did my own research on your case. No witches whatsoever. Though, it was a good excuse, I gotta admit.” your eyes widened. Shit, if he found out what went down then he sure as hell would tell everyone. “Everything leads to angels. They didn’t hurt you. But they told you something. So…what are they holding against you?”

“Sam.” you sighed loudly. “You have to keep it a secret. Please.” staring at the tall man sitting opposite of you, you saw a sympathetic smile on his face.

“(Y/N)…”

“Okay, you wanna know what happened? Those angels threatened me. Said if I stay this close to Cas, I’d regret it. That they’d come after me or Cas. No way in hell will I let this happen.” due to your rambling, you did not notice Cas entering the room. Only when Sam coughed did you look around. What was it with him overhearing conversations?

“(Y/N).” like the night before, Cas approached you carefully. This time, you did not move away from him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I’m scared.” you admitted quietly. While you were a great hunter, you were not sure if you could handle fighting against angels.

“Sam & Dean are your brothers. Jack is the strongest being I’ve ever met & you’ve got me.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t there, Cas. We really shouldn’t mess with them.”

“And you thought it was a good idea to ignore Cas?” Sam chimed in. Right, you had almost forgotten that he was still there. Casting your eyes down in embarrassment, you suddenly felt an arm wrap around your shoulders. It was Cas.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, (Y/N). I promise.” he put a soft kiss on top of your head. You knew that. Castiel would do anything to keep you safe. But those angels scared you so much. You could not live with it if you were the reason of Cas getting hurt. Or worse. Looking up again, you noticed that Sam had left the room during your little interaction. Cas’ hands cupped your cheeks. Barely. Scared that you would not want to be touched by him. You did not move, though. No, you leaned into his touch. Closing your eyes to fully enjoy this intimate moment with him. His lips pressed against yours. Softly, as if your were fragile. When the two of you moved in sync, every little ounce of uncertainty washed away. You knew you could not stay away from him. But at the same time, you knew they would come after you now. This kiss would change everything. Whatever was awaiting you, it could not be good. But maybe, just maybe, if you went ahead & dealt with this together, nobody would get hurt.

~to be continued? (idk just yet)~

Published (03/31/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @vicmc624, @ayamenimthiriel, @teelagurl558, @babymango-writes, @hollymac79, @longinusfilibuster, @insanebot109, @down-down-inanulearan (thanks for your support <3)

[cajunquandary]

A Beacon to Beasts

A Beacon to Beasts

AO3 Link (in the works, check back later)

Summary: While Dean is in Purgatory, he comes across some interesting monsters who help him through.

Created for @spndarkbingo​

Square Filled: Fornication

Rating: R (18+ ONLY)

Pairing: Dean x Reader x Benny

Warnings: Dark Fic. Canon level violence, SMUT (p in v, biting, anal, oral, dp, unprotected sex *dont be silly wrap the willy,* all the smut, also I might be developing a praise!kink here??), angst, traumatic memories. If you squint: suicide, Destiel, Denny

Word Count: 7600

A/N: Originally published in early 2017, this is a total rewrite with the tremendous help of @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ and @wonder-cole​. You talented bitches. I love you.

Lightning spider-webbed across the sky, for a brief moment illuminating every shadow across Purgatory. The forest practically hissed in the unwelcome brightness as the trees whispered amongst themselves. A crack of thunder caused a quake larger than you’d felt in the god forsaken land ever before. It cracked the sound barrier, bent the hellscape reality at all of its slithering edges, and sent a shockwave so powerful it nearly tore apart every cell in your body. With an eerie silence, darkness fell again, and as your eyes adjusted, you could see that the beast attacking you was fleeing the other direction from whence it’d come—no, not fleeing. It was chasing the impact. 

Something pulled in your chest like a red-hot meat hook, something that sent sparks of electricity straight into your brain and signaling an overwhelming raw need. You were familiar with such will-crushing lust. Your fangs were proof. But this… this was stronger than anything you’d ever felt before. It nearly drove you mad. You could feel your mind slipping, until you took a step forward, then another, and another. The more you walked towards the source of the prior disturbance, the more sated you felt. The more whole. 

It took weeks of fighting others like you and endless backtracking to find the source—a vampire and another beast. It was a bit like a human, but no humans could be in Purgatory. Whatever it was, it was intoxicating. 

Your body shuddered at the proximity of the delicious flesh. The warmth. You were merely a moth, drawn to a flame of your own destruction. Your head swam and you reached towards the man, but another fang sped from the shadows opposite you first. This was just enough of a distraction to pull you back from the brink. 

You crouched behind a half-rotten tree, only one eye peeking from behind your cover. The human barely had time to react before the fiend had him forced into the well-trodden packed earth. His fall was hard. Your mouth watered as his pulse quickened and echoed through your soul. 

The vampire accompanying the human sent the attacker’s head flying so closely that spattered monster blood landed on your hand. The foul stench drove you deeper into the safety of the trunk. You didn’t want to be next. 

In this land, the best way to survive was to stay hidden, quiet, so you decided to follow them for the first few weeks, being careful to keep to the shadows. The thirst for the human ebbed and swelled unpredictably. At times, it was all you could do to resist the pulse exposed on his neck, especially when the man slept. 

For days you tried to figure out what the other one was, who he was, but damn, was he a monster magnet. You’d been in pretty thick shit before, but never like this. Your cover was nearly blown a few times a day, but you were thankful the two were too busy fighting their own to notice you.

“Damn, man. You’re humanity is gon get us kilt.” The vampire wiped the rancid blood from his blade on the latest dead monster’s shirt.

“Yeah well, as soon as we find Cas, we’re getting the hell out of hell.” A human in Purgatory? How? No wonder there had been such a disturbance. He must have been pulled here by a great force--one that very nearly ripped the entire existence apart. 

“Hey brother, I’m startin to think the angel don’t wanna be found. Dean, think about it. Every time we get close, he disappears again.”

“Benny—don’t.” The human stormed away from the vampire. What was going on? A human and an angel? Things must be getting really messy up top.

The vampire, Benny, turned suddenly in your direction, and you closed your eyes, hoping the thick layer of leaves and thorny bushes camouflaged you well enough. It must have, because he merely shrugged and walked after Dean.

This night was the quietest it had been since The Event. It had been hours since the last monster attack and you were almost as exhausted as they looked. It wasn’t long before the men settled down into the dust and a pile of dry brush and began to lightly snore. Usually one stood guard as the other slept, but on this occasion, both must have been too far gone to care. 

You crept slowly forward, focused completely on the human. He was so beautiful. The creases of his forehead were reduced to fine lines as he slumbered, slow, tender breath fluttering across weary-pale swollen lips, freckles and mud mixed on his cheeks, hair tousled and bloodied, yet still so soft and shiny. His lashes twitched as he dreamed. You were only a few feet away now, beginning to feel lost in the warmth radiating from him, drunk in the light from his soul.

A sharp pain through your side interrupted your trance and you collapsed into a prickly shrub. Between gulps of agony, you could just make out that you were pinned to the ground with a rough makeshift javelin, reminiscent of a butterfly pinned to a shadow box as you’d owned as a human. You screamed in pain, and if you weren’t already twice dead, you’d worry about losing too much blood.

A pair of boots came into your view. “I smelled you days ago. I know you’ve been followin’ us. Why haven’t you attacked? You workin for someone?”

You looked from under your brows, straining to see if Dean was still where he had been, but found nothing. All you could do was gasp shallowly against the burning splinters. It had been years since anyone had gotten the jump on you like this. The bit of human that was left within you prayed that this was a bad dream, that you would wake in a moment in the gently swaying safety of the treetops.

The javelin was ripped from your aching side, and you screamed again as your organs smacked back together in the loss of pressure. The vampire threw you against the nearest tree. Through the pain that overwhelmed your ability to flee, you watched in utter captivation as the human secured you with heavy, rusted chains.

The latter bent close to your face, piercing green eyes a stark contrast to the caked mud and blood spattered across pale cheeks. “Now look, you piece of shit. I’m gonna waste you like I’ve wasted every damn thing in this place. But first, you’re gonna tell me where the angel is, and why you’ve been following us. If I like your answer, I’ll make it quick. If not… well, I don’t normally like the answers.” He smirked, tilting his head just slightly as if he was considering just how he was going to end you. 

You gulped hard knowing the human meant business. You’d seen him firsthand, the violence, the rage. All this man left behind him were wide trails of blood.

You were shaking now, feverish and confused. When had your fangs come out? You retracted them in an attempt to look less intimidating and more cooperative. Between gritted teeth and a gradual tunneling of vision, you managed to respond. “I’ve been tracking you since you arrived. There was this storm, and I’ve felt a pull towards you the whole time. I-I don’t work for anyone, I swear.” His gnarly blade pressed into the soft flesh of your throat now and panic was rising  and threatening to close off your throat if the blade didn’t do it first. “I didn’t even know about the angel until earlier today when I overheard you.”

“Well. I don’t think I like your answer.” Dean sliced deeply into your arm, which produced a guttural scream from deep within your core. The blade itself didn’t hurt that bad, but whatever was on it sure did. Benny walked away, knowing what was coming. Benny was a monster—Dean was worse.

“P-please I don’t know, I just know the light—your soul is like a candle in this endless darkness. I’ve been here for so, so long and you feel like home, like safety. I crave your closeness and I don’t know the details of why, but I couldn’t hurt you.”

Benny looked over his shoulder as Dean paused. Something struck a chord. Benny walked back over and pulled Dean slightly off to the side, almost out of earshot.

“Brother, I think she’s tellin’ the truth. We should give this one a chance to talk.”

“Why? She doesn’t know anything about Cas. She’s just another monster in my way.”

“And so was I. We were both human once. Let’s hear her out. She hasn’t even fought back.”

The fatigue and injuries caught up with you. Focusing on the thick red-black ooze streaming from your wounds, sleep was finding you swiftly with your head falling forward, blood-soaked hair in your eyes and chest pulled tight against the restraints.

Dean lifted your chin with the end of his blade, remnants of your internals still glistening on the edge. Your eyes followed the length of his arm to his face where he held you in an unwavering gaze. Those eyes were greener than anything in this world—more than the trees you hid in, the brush around you, or the sparse grass beneath your feet. 

You seized your breath and relaxed your tense muscles. If this was finally what wiped you into oblivion, it would be okay, as long as you could stare into those eyes. After all, you were tired of fighting. Your mortal soul had been tired in life, grown wearier after you were turned, another century had passed before you’d been sent here after a hunter took you out. The memory flashed by: how you sat there on your knees, glad to be facing the barrel of the gun after so long that you didn’t even fight. Had you known you’d end up here, you may have fought more to stay topside. But now, you faced oblivion, or so you hoped. This would finally be the end of the suffering, the fighting.

Dean must have read the all-too-familiar look of defeat and acceptance in your face. He lowered the knife, letting your head fall forward again, and caught you in his arms as the chains broke and clattered to the dust.

He leaned you against the base of the tree. You weakly gazed upward through hooded eyes, wanting to see past the leaves to the empty sky, but couldn’t. It was all grisly branches for a hundred feet up.

“Why were you creeping up on me?” Dean pulled your attention back to them.

Battling the unconsciousness that nipped unwaveringly at the corners of your mind, you whispered, “The ache in my chest… the closer I get to you, the easier it is to handle. I wasn’t going to hurt you, I just needed to be... closer.”

“And is this better?” He motioned to the foot’s distance between you.

“Yeah,” You half-smiled through gritted teeth, the pain from your side still throbbing. It wouldn’t kill you. Nothing in Purgatory killed a monster except another monster—usually by beheading. It still hurt like a bitch, though, and left you exposed and vulnerable like a wounded animal.

He pursed his lips and shared a look with Benny, who shrugged. “I’ll stay up and watch, Dean. You get more rest before it starts again. And I’ll watch you, specifically.” The other vampire motioned at you, an intensity behind his blue eyes you could identify with. This human was meant to be protected, no matter the personal cost.

Dean was soon asleep again, his back turned to you.

The earth supporting your broken form was anything but forgiving. But still, you weren’t going to waste time whimpering to yourself now that you were a part of the misfit group. “Benny, where are you from? How long have you been here?” You wondered aloud.

He eyed you suspiciously, pausing before he answered. “I ran with a crew out of Louisiana, but we sailed all over the Americas. Been here a long time.”

You adjusted your position with a grunt. Benny’s hand was already on his weapon. “Calm down, sailor, just tryin to get comfortable... I’m from Shreveport. Been here a long time, too. Only did about two centuries up top, though.”

“Well, I’ve got a few on you then, sister. Shreveport was nice. Rolled through there a few times.” The vampire chuckled at the memory.

Even still, your body had different plans for the evening, and if anything else was said afterwards, you wouldn’t remember. Rest was in the cards that evening, even if your mind protested. Between stretches of sweet nothing, nightmarish memories flashed by in haphazard, non-chronological snippets. 

There you stood, on the bridge above deep, twisting waters. Though the wind whipped your hair wildly, you could feel nothing. Not since the day you were bit.

Then you were in the shed on your grandfather’s land, centuries before, when you were young but still so old. Had you ever had a chance? And there were fires and anthills, guns and chains. 

Before that one could go where you knew it would, you shot awake. Benny raised a concerned brow in your direction, but you couldn’t face him. Not after that. Within moments, sleep took you once again. 

The butterfly pinned in the box. Such a stark contrast was that orange and red and blue against the green felt and the glint of silver pins. You would chuckle at the sight if you could. Tiny fingers traced the outline of the glass. 

Then you were on your knees. You didn’t even fight. This? This was the day you died… the second time. By the hands of an inexperienced young hunter who was too focused on fighting with his dad to even notice you there. I mean, he practically tripped over you. The boy looked tall for his age, hazel eyes partially obscured by choppy bangs and mouth pressed into a thin line. He hesitated too long. You’d cocked your head to the side, wondering if he even had it in him to off you, and you almost felt sorry for the kid. Especially when his dad saw. The old black-haired ass berated him, belittled him. Compared him to his older brother. A disgrace, he’d said. Nothing like him, nothing like Mary. When the boy could look you in the eyes, you gave a slight nod as if to say, “It’s okay, I forgive you.” Those bright hazel eyes morphed into the moon cast over a monster wasteland. 

By morning’s light, you felt better, somewhat healed, but mostly sore. You and Benny spoke all the while, learned your ins and outs, and caught up on the situation with Dean, the toothy leviathans, the apocalypse (again), the dick angels, and everything else Dean had filled him in on weeks ago. If you weren’t in Purgatory yourself, you never would’ve believed all this. I mean, angels? C’mon. 

Sure enough, Benny was right. Beasts continued to attack in waves. There were a few close calls, and not one would speak of the whereabouts of the angel Castiel, though a few tried to save themselves by spouting lies. Dean would see right through them. It only ever took one question. “What color are the angel’s eyes?” A few had gotten lucky and guessed blue, but Dean didn’t even accept that answer. You asked once, what answer he was hoping for. He only shook his head in response. 

There were times, though, when he would describe Cas to you in the quiet of night, and it was like listening to a lost lover. Dean gave in after some months and described the angel’s eyes as full of grace, blue, but slightly glowing. And not just any blue, no. The bluest blue you could ever imagine. The purest blue. He spoke longingly about things they’d done, things he wanted to do, wanted to say. Needed to say. You would close your eyes and drift off to him mumbling stories of Cas, the fondness softening his voice.

It was dark again and the almost empty end of a particularly difficult day. You’d all sustained serious injuries from the violent fray that only seemed to become more dense as of late. You and Benny would heal quickly, but Dean wouldn’t… and you worried for him, lingering protectively close.

The weary hunter screamed in time with the monster as he thrust his knife through its eye, his voice echoing long after the lifeless body crumpled in front of him. In a rage, he threw his weapon down, stalking over to a nearby tree. He punched, kicked and threw himself against the bark until he was nearly bloodied beyond recognition. Benny could only look down, powerless to help his friend. Unable to watch any longer, you forced yourself between Dean and the tree. His eyes were closed until his bruised fists struck soft skin stretched over bone, the unexpected change in texture catching him off guard. You winced against it but grabbed his jacket in both hands, balling your own fists into it to hold him firmly in place. Jerking him forward until you were nose to nose, breath and blood mixing, you growled, “We will find him, Dean. But not if you kill yourself first.”

“Y-you sound like him,” His voice cracked and his head fell to your shoulder. You could feel his tears, hot on your frozen skin. This world was so cold and it never ceased to amaze you how he kept his warmth. You held him tightly, even as his knees buckled and swayed. By the state of those green eyes, you could see resignation and defeat creeping up on him. 

You shared a look with Benny, and he knew, too. “I’ll keep watch. You make him rest, cher.” You’d come to learn that Benny preferred to keep watch from all the years he’d had to watch his own backside here. You’d survived in hiding, while he’d made a name for himself—a killer, like Dean (not that either of them ever wanted to be.) You had to give it to him, though. After all, you’d tried to fight off everything in the beginning, but it was too tiring, like living was. So instead, you learned to thrive in shadows and whispers, moving like a ghost through whispers of the trees.

You were grateful for the moment alone with the warm beacon of a man, though. If the electricity across your skin anytime you touched the human indicated anything, it was a confirmation of your heart’s longing. You kept him pulled flush against your chest, his heartbeat so strong that it reverberated through your body. You focused on the feeling. How many centuries had it been since you felt your own beating? Dean’s was so strong it could surely support you both, you thought.

With a groan, Dean pulled the two of you down into a horizontal heap. You couldn’t make out the details of his face in the dark abyss of night, but his heart rate had shifted notably, along with his breathing. His anguish was palpable and you couldn’t help but to take some of it on as your own. He exuded it, it leaked from every pore. 

Supple lips brushed against yours, and you closed your eyes, slowly guiding one hand to his back above you and the other through his hair. It was as soft and silky as you’d hoped it was. You pulled just slightly, allowing your nails to gently spread and retract in circular motions. Dean clenched, the softest sounds carrying on the thick night air. Smiling at the reaction, you carded through the messy spikes and repeated the measure for several moments before Dean crashed into you, with his sudden need matching yours. Every kiss grew deeper, longer, and your tongues began to wrestle gently but urgently between locked lips. He grabbed at you hungrily with a certain ease, unable to hold back anymore, with palms stroking openly up and down your torso, until they slipped below your core.

You both pushed and pulled, wallowed and rolled, careful of injuries but powerless to pull away, fighting to get closer. You helped him slip from his leather jacket, and he groaned into your mouth with a tantalising mixture of pain and pleasure. The sound made you shiver, and you hastily removed yourselves from worn and tattered pants, breaking only for a moment. 

“Shh, Dean,” you whispered next to his ear. He nodded, understanding that even in this embrace, you were exposed and hunted. But with skin on skin, it was difficult to keep logic and sanity at the forefront of your mind. 

Dean slowed his pace and shifted until you were straddling him. With a touch so light it tickled, he let his hands trace every angle of your body, until he felt the latest wound and drew back suddenly. 

“It’s okay,”  you breathed into his gaping mouth. 

“No, I-- I’m sorry.” His voice was feeble, desperate. 

Taking his hand in yours, you placed it back where it’d been. It was a small gesture, but the effect it had on Dean was profound. With both hands now, he clutched your sides so tightly, it sent swells of something delicious straight to your center, before rippling out to every nerve ending exposed to the cool air, and then some. 

Just as you began to give in, a rustle from only several feet away snapped you back to reality. You shot up upon bare feet, weapon already in your hand as you scanned the malevolent shadows for the source, listening and feeling for any shift in the air. Dean lay frozen by your feet, head still spinning in weakness and lust.

In a swift turn on the balls of your feet, you faced the intruder, ready for war. 

“It’s just me, cher. I heard something and wanted to make sure you two were okay.” As Benny took in the situation, he laughed softly. “Sorry to interrupt. I’ll be over there…”

With an annoyed frown, you allowed your stance to go slack. “Thanks.”

Dean touched your leg, leaning in to kiss it lightly before planting a little nibble at your ankle. You slipped back down next to him, gasping when he quickly found your neck and nipped along your clavicle to the sweet spot in the hollow of your neck.

He was shaking slightly under the strain, but lifted himself atop you. To help keep him steady, you placed your hands on his shoulders and wrapped your legs around his torso. With a grateful kiss, he traced his tongue across your bottom lips as he lined himself at your entrance. 

His tip sank into your soaked folds and his resulting keen made you tremble beneath him, itching for more. “Dean, p-please…”

“What do you want?”

You rotated your hips against his, fighting to make him move. “Please, fuck… Dean I need you. Need more.”

Your begging tore his resolve to shreds and he sunk into you, stretching and filling you like nothing ever before. Your back arched at the sensations as they nearly overwhelmed you, drowning out the hell around you and leaving only Dean. Your heavy breathing barely registered as you whined his name. A shallow shriek betrayed you. Dean placed a calloused hand over your mouth, and it only drove you more mad. 

As he bottomed out and began short but powerful thrusts, tears gathered at the edges of your eyes. Everytime, he hit that sweet spot. Everytime, you whimpered into his hand and dug your fingers into his flesh tighter. Everytime, he moaned in response. 

It wasn’t long before those slow, drawn out jolts coiled you so tight you could barely contain yourself. Dean could sense the change as you began to rub against him, allowing the friction to take you over the edge. Right as you fell off into a fierce and roiling sea of ecstasy, Dean replaced his hand over your mouth with his own, swallowing your choppy breaths as you twitched and spasmed beneath him. 

Still lost in the swell, you felt the hunter release and fall, spent, onto your chest. You managed to wrap your arms around him and held him steadfastly, not ready to let go. It was incredible to watch Dean unravel and relax for the first time. In fact, it’d just become your favorite drug. 

Unknown to the broken lovers, a pair of “gorilla-wolves” attempted to interrupt throughout the steamy romp in the leaves, but Benny quickly took care of them. The nasty things wouldn’t have gotten as close as they had, but the vampire had been distracted by the sinfully delicious sounds coming from the far side of the tree. He’d tried to ignore it at first but found his mind wandering. It’d been ages since he’d felt the touch of another being, and the want rose up in him, a fire in his stomach.

You panted next to Dean when he rolled to the side, your injuries far from mind in the lasting rapture from being one with the human. His breathing was still ragged, but slowing. The wound on the back of his shoulder had reopened. Begrudgingly , he let you patch it again. Once dressed, you fell back to the sorry bed of leaves. Dean nuzzled into your side and let out a pained sigh as sleep found him. You could’ve sworn you heard the faintest “Don’t let me die here…” fall from his lips. Your grip on him tightened. You’d get him out if it killed you. But first, you had to find that elusive angel.

It was another month of the same routine. Days and nights ran together. The closer you got to the angel, the denser the swarm of monsters was. Even Benny seemed to be on his last leg. You offered to keep watch this time. At first Benny protested, but you shut him down.

“It’s broad daylight out here. I can see them coming from far enough off, I can give you plenty of time to wake up and fight if I can’t handle it. Don’t worry.”

He didn’t feel like protesting too much, and finally nodded, sad blue eyes locking on yours in a silent promise of trust in comradery.

A few hours passed, and you stood to stretch. A twig snapped behind you, and you twirled quickly, your knife to Benny’s throat. His hands raised. “Sorry cher, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Nearly lost your fool head. Why aren’t you resting?” You dropped your arms and stood next to the vampire, staring out through the forest again, scanning. Listening.

“I rested enough.”

“Right, that’s why you have to use that tree to support yourself.” His lips pressed into a hard smile, electric eyes dropping to the ground. When he looked back up, something in them had changed. He reached towards you, hesitant, and brushed the wavy mess of hair from your face behind your ear, hand gently gliding across your jaw until his thumb rested on your lip.

You closed your eyes and shuddered under the vampire’s touch. It was more familiar than Dean’s. You leaned into it, following as it guided you into his embrace. He was larger than Dean and still smelled of the swamp and sea. The scent was intoxicating, dragging all of your attention to Benny. 

He pulled back for a moment and cradled your face in the large, thick hands of a sailor. “You okay with this? Don’t want you to feel pressured, darlin’.”

“Mm not pressured,” you smiled up into those spirited sharp blue eyes. You lost yourself in them, completely ensnared. You could see past them, to cerulean glittering waters, could feel the lapping of them against your old boat, hear the seagulls and crows chattering as they glided on heatwaves, taste the salt on your tongue. 

You stretched up on your tiptoes, craning to taste the salt on his lips, feel the waves in the way his tongue twists. Benny must have felt the same, as he met your parted lips in a feverish kiss, maneuvering you effortlessly between himself and the tree for support until he was rutting into you.

The touch was bittersweet and starved, driving both of you as you stripped away layers. Benny pressed into you until the bark bit into your back and arms. You knocked the hat from atop his head to get closer, to guide him in, and he responded by taking the thin flesh of your neck into his mouth. Fangs drug thin scratch lines over your chest and shoulders, followed by sucking kisses. Benny grunted as he settled next to your ear, the growing bulge in his remaining trousers becoming almost painful in the restriction. 

Sensing this, you moved to loosen the last piece of his clothing until it slumped to his ankles, all the while raw, needy noises spilled from your mouth. If only you’d found each other topside, things would have been better. You wouldn’t have let that young, long-haired hunter boy and his grumpy father kill you.

In one smooth move, Benny hooked his fingers into your jeans and slid them off, until you were completely free of them. With lust in your eyes, you found his full lips once more. You bit and sucked at his bottom lip until he was throbbing against you and whispering your name in short breaths in desperation. 

With a slight adjustment in position, he grabbed your ribcage and lifted you just enough to line himself at your entrance. Hungrily, you raised your knees and rested them on his sides. You dug your nails into his shoulders in anticipation, but he didn’t keep you waiting long. With a final shift of his angle, Benny slid into you unrestrained.

His pace was unforgiving. He was rougher, more desperate, yet somehow more controlled than Dean. Pain was something you both knew too well, and found pleasure in at this moment. Neither of you had to hold back in fear of hurting the other. 

Benny muttered a long string of praises as he placed his cheek on yours and relished in the fragmented breaths and mewls leaking from your gaping mouth.

Between the friction to your front and the sharp ache in your back, the intense set of his pace brought unwanted tears to the corners of your eyes. Before you knew it, he had you biting back a scream as you came in his arms, your back digging into the tree as he held you through it. You sank your teeth into his neck, drawing blood and pushing back the sharper set as they threatened to emerge. He snarled into your ear and released, standing for a moment, relishing in your closeness.

For a time, you just remained in that position as he softened inside you, foreheads resting fondly on each other.

Dean stirred, grumbling as he woke. With a silently shared promise to continue the embrace another day, the two of you straightened yourselves back out and rounded the tree to greet the sleep-starved human.

Over the next two weeks, the three of you grew much closer. Sometimes in between attacks, you took solace in each other. Most times it was talk, but when words were too difficult and your bodies needed to feel something… else, something primal and good and pure, they would pass you between them, never straying too far.

Benny's eyes would always drift and land upon Deans. It intoxicated him, pulled at his heart in ways that tore him apart. Deep green eyes, full of hope and goodness and humanity… something fragile yet unbreakable, much like what he once saw in Andrea’s. Just like Andrea’s. As much as he tried to put her memory to rest, Dean’s gaze would always take his breath, whether they were fighting or fucking, and the feelings that washed over Benny were wild and raw.

You ventured off to scout ahead one day, leaving Benny to help Dean walk after a surprise run in with a gorilla wolf didn’t fare so well. Those things sure liked Dean. Could you blame them? As you cleared the spaces ahead, you reminisced on the first time it happened. 

It’d started innocently enough, some kissing and tender touches traded between you and Dean. You craved comfort, and his touch never disappointed. The fading daylight illuminated something… different, something new in his eyes. There was a spark of acceptance? Resignation? You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but for some reason the usually tightly wound hunter was relaxed. His movements were delicate and slow, a stark contrast to the usual quickie on the run. 

You nearly lost your balance when he stripped your pants away and traced deliberate sucking kisses down to your sweet spot. You’d had to catch yourself from falling over at the heady sensations, threading your hands into his hair and holding on for dear life (or death.) Within moments, Benny swooped in to support you from behind, snaking a strong arm around your stomach as Dean began to lick and hum and stroke you in ways you’d never felt. Your blood burned like fire, causing every inch of your skin to become more sensitive. 

Benny brushed the hair from your shoulder with his free hand, then took a fistful of it and guided your head back. With a contented sigh, he took your exposed neck into his mouth and you twitched violently between the shivers running down and the heat rising up. The contrast of Dean’s soft lips to the burn of his stubble mirrored that of the rough, blood soaked fabric of Benny’s jacket against the smooth of your skin… and it drove you mad. Your vision swelled with every wave and the sounds of the cursed world around you faded as if cotton had been shoved in your ears. 

Your legs gave way and you fell into Dean’s lap as he chuckled, watching you come undone. The orgasm hit you somewhere along the way down, untouched but wound so tightly that you couldn’t hold out another moment.

While you writhed against him, Dean held you securely to his chest with arms that crushed into your ribs and pinned your arms to your sides. Your head finally came to rest upon his shoulder, and as your senses eased back into focus, you realized that you were completely laid down upon his bare chest. Still buzzing from the high, you nuzzled into the crook of his neck and laid a small peck. Dean’s resulting smile stretched wide, and you could feel it there without even needing to see it. 

“You okay, baby?” Dean gently stroked your back up and down with one hand, and moved to tangle strong fingers in your hair to hold the base of your head tenderly with the other. 

When you found your voice, you muttered a small, “yeah, thank you.”

Benny kneeled beside you and lowered his face until your foreheads met, the three of you so impossibly close. “You up for some more, sugar?”

You smiled wryly and closed your eyes. “Yeah, I’m all yours.”

Though your limbs were but heavy gelatin, you managed to lift out of your shirt as the men undressed. Pulling Dean’s discarded coat over you like a blanket, you rested against a fallen tree and admired them. Dean was more slender, but faster and stronger. The way his muscles rippled and creased beneath pale, freckled skin reminded you of a swimmer--all lean and mean. He was graceful in every movement, like a dancer. Benny was a little more solid, built like a tank. Maybe he wasn’t as fast, but there was no going through him. You’d seen beasts hit him straight on with full power, and the vampire had barely flinched. Those fists could break anything, but his face was always… soft. Kind. Dean’s was hardened, but you couldn’t blame him. And yes, there were moments, like this, where the lines of his face smoothed, and some color returned to his cheeks. 

How you’d ever found Heaven in this Hell, you’d never come to understand. But you were ever grateful. Hopeful for a future with them topside, however it may go. 

Dean’s outstretched hand pulled you from your daydream. You took it, letting the jacket go as he helped you stand. As you stood, he continued to pull you forward until you were flush with him. He pressed a firm kiss to your scalp and rubbed his palms up and down your body. His cock twitched against your belly, and you wrapped your arms around him, squeezing just a little tighter at the new flood of arousal. 

Benny snaked his arms around you from behind, until his hands rested on your neck, not gripping, but just *there.* The weight of them naturally guided your head to fall back against his chest. He growled into your ear, “You’re so fucking beautiful. So good for us, cher.”

Your mouth fell agape and released a strangled moan as Dean kissed along your exposed neck and mumbled a steady stream of “You’re such a good girl for us, such a good fighter, a great companion.” 

With every word, a new fire raged through your veins. Your face burned hot. Dean’s hands wandered south, caressing every inch passionately. One hand found its home grasping your thigh right under your ass, and the other came to rest in your dripping folds. You bucked against the touch and right into Benny’s length resting between your cheeks. 

You whimpered, needing more, needing release. “D-Dean please, fuck. I need you. I want you inside me, please--unnghh.”

Dean teased your entrance for a moment more before the wrecked look on your face and the subtle, high pitched sounds spilling from you completely enraptured him. Benny nodded, moving his hands to steady your sides as you squirmed uncontrollably. With a swift movement, you were raised up with both of Dean’s hands cupping and spreading your ass until he lined up at your folds and let you sink down much too slowly. 

Pathetic cries filled the air as you struggled to maintain control, the stretch of him almost too much to handle and not nearly enough all at once. You shook and grabbed at anything you could hold with a flutter in your chest that threatened to make you implode. And yet, the intense feelings only grew. Benny planted himself and anchored with a strong arm outstretched and clutching to Dean’s shoulder. 

Dean bit his lip fiercely and let out a pained groan at the other man’s unyielding hold on him. His cock twitched again as he bottomed out deep inside you. The depth burned and ached, and with it your eyes came to focus on Dean’s. 

The emerald green was more prominent now, outlined by the hot blush beneath a spray of freckles. His brows were drawn tightly and jaw slack, full, pink lips parted in bliss. His breathing was erratic, and with every intake of cool evening air, Dean trembled. 

You mewled and whined, shifted against them, desperate for friction. The slightest broken smile graced the hunter’s face and he nodded, knowing but not yet ready. 

Tears already began to gather as you fought the urge to physically fight the men into submission, to finally scratch that itch. Benny didn’t leave you waiting much longer though, before he was slipping and pushing into place in your ass. The deliberate burn of him spreading you open opposite Dean left you thrashing between them. 

Dean took a deep breath in as a reminder for you to do the same. If it weren’t for him grounding you and helping you through, the black void would’ve already sucked you in as another victim. You did your best to relax and bore down, allowing Benny to fill your other hole completely to his base. 

The vampire grimaced through his own keening, the tightness of you nearly sending him over the edge right there and then. You stilled between them, already on the verge of destruction as the three of you adjusted to the new feelings washing over you in waves. 

Dean’s lips found yours, open and wanting. Taking his tongue hungrily into your mouth, you sucked and fell absolutely limp as he sucked your lower lip between his. The scent of him was utterly intoxicating, and you were ready once more. 

Benny began to move in tandem with Dean. With every movement of the both of them against your thin membrane, a wailing cry seeped between your clenched teeth. Benny was now clutching both of Dean’s shoulders so tightly that were white bloodless patches beneath each of his fingertips. This made Dean buck harder until the hunter’s eyes shut tightly and left his head bobbing backwards in lust. 

The symphony of your cries was lost beneath those of the two men, who shuddered and swayed. The sweet, sinful music flooded your mind and sent you reeling over the edge once more, clenching and swearing and falling against Benny’s outstretched arm. 

Dean’s thrusts faltered as his stuttered, “I’m.. I’m about to--”

“Just let go, brother,” Benny encouraged. 

It was the only confirmation Dean needed before his load spilled into you, sending renewed longing to your stomach as he pulsed inside you. “Fuck Dean,.. You feel so good,” you managed.

Benny came seconds later, and you relished in the full warmth of them. 

You smiled to yourself as the familiar electricity flooded your veins and leaked to your core. It may have been the first time, but every time since had only been… better. Impossibly, incredibly better. 

Upon your return, you noticed that Dean had found new strength.

“We’re closer than ever to Cas, he’s three days away by the river. We’re almost done! We can go home!” Dean was grinning widely, a spark finally back in his tired eyes.

You smiled, scooping him into a rough embrace. If Dean was happy, you were happy. Benny joined you in the bear hug. You were so ready to be topside again, and now, it was so close you could just taste it.

Your second chance.

With a start, Benny hollered and let go, leaving Dean tense and alert in your arms. Then, he threw you to the side as a beast attacked. Its whole face morphed into a shark-tooth ringed mouth, and you grimaced.

Leviathan. You must’ve been really close to that angel.

You drew your weapon as one engaged you, swung and lopped its head off easily after years of practice, until something glinting and sharp emerged where it should not have been.

You looked down, the blade bloodied and protruding through your chest, through your lungs. Unable to draw a breath, you fell to your knees.

“No!” Both Benny and Dean were yelling, voices echoing through the hostile forest. Black ooze covered them from the slain monsters. You looked up as your assailant withdrew the sizable knife from your back and placed it against your neck. It was another vampire. You looked back to the boys.

“You killed our sister, so now we’re gonna kill yours,” the voice behind you teased in a sing-songy tone. More boots shuffled into your line of view.

Benny looked absolutely broken as he charged, extra teeth bared sharply in defiance. Dean bounded to you, holding your gaze with those emerald green eyes as he expertly dodged the advances of his adversaries.

Once again, your breath was seized and you relaxed your tense muscles. If this was finally what wiped you into oblivion, it would be okay, as long as you could stare into the comforting depths of that hunter’s eyes. After all, you were tired of fighting…This would finally be the end of the suffering. To oblivion. The warmth from Dean’s soul flooded over you as he got closer, but it was too late.

Your head rolled from your body. 

Dean decimated the group of vampires in record time, the rage fully restored and urging his body forward against all odds. Once again, the hunter had become more vicious than any monster in the land. In two days, he would limp to the river and find his angel.

You, however, woke on the other side of Purgatory. Oblivion was not something that would ever come for you. There would never be a release. Despair, overcoming any hope you ever had, creeped its dark tendrils through your entire being and swiped your feet from underneath you. So that’s what happens to monsters who die in monster heaven… they get respawned and zapped to another part. Great. You were stuck in hell, too far away now to reach them in time. One day you would find a way out. You had to. But first, you would have to find the strength. Strength you may never have again. You curled into a ball, mind silent as you gave into the feeling, a single, small tear streaking a thin line from your eye into the dust. 

You were alone. Again. 

Your second chance gone along with the human and his friends.

 This was my second attempt at writing smut and maybe I got carried away??

WAYWARD PEEPS:

@carryonmywaywardcaptain​ @manawhaat @supernatural-jackles​ @jensen-jarpad @wheresthekillswitch​ @bummblebeeblue @nothin-after-79-blog​ @docharleythegeekqueen @fangirl-writing-fiction @inmysparetime0​ @impala-dreamer​ @arryn-nyxx​ @idk-life01 @attorneyl​ @deathtonormalcy56​ @xwing-baby​ @wonder-cole​ @itsangelpie-supports​ @thinkinghardhardlythinkingogblog​@icecream-and-gadreel

ANGST BABES:

@trexrambling​ @abbessolute @emptywithout​

ALL ABOUT THAT DEAN:

@akshi8278​ @will-winchester

[mattzerella-sticks]

Checkmate (Castiel-centric, Chuck & Cas, Castiel/Dean Winchester coda to 15x17 “Unity” and 15x18 “Despair, 1.9k)

ao3 link

Billie saves Jack from suffering a fatal end from her plan, and knowing Jack was safe gave Cas space to focus on his own troubles. Nearly losing his son again... revelations from Chuck... choices Dean made, were set on, until Sam broke through at the last minute - too close - they all were...

It was too much. Cas needed to digest these roiling experiences away from faces it hurt to look at. Except he stumbles exactly where Chuck wants him. After countless times praying for guidance, Chuck finally decides now is perfect for a long-awaited heart-to-heart.

           Cas abandoned the others once Billie disappeared, not even waiting for her form to fade before striding away. Stomps up each step, ignoring Dean’s calls as he races from their home. Into fresher air aboveground. Being an angel, Cas was inexperienced with breathing. Yet, instinctually, Cas gasps for breath once he breaks free.

           Hunched over the outdoor railing, Cas’s vision blurs. Darkness encroaching at a pace that makes him shiver. “That’s not…” he hisses, sinking lower, crouching. “It’s not real. It can’t… there’s a deal. They were very clear –“

           “C’mon Castiel, you should know by now…” A familiar voice breaks through static, Cas’s grip tightening on the rusted rail. “This close to the end, anything goes.”

           Cas turns his head, meeting Chuck’s deriding glare. “You’re still here?”

           “I’m everywhere Castiel,” he mocks, arms spread wide and head tilted backwards. Laughing, “I’m God.”

           Briefly, Cas considers shouting. Alerting the others that Chuck hadn’t gone far, nearer than they figured. Except Chuck’s head lolls around once more, clearly expecting Cas to do exactly that. His jaw tenses, Cas rising on shaky legs. “What do you want?”

           “Loaded question. I want a lot of things… Amara’s power – but I got that.” His eyes flicker, blue and black, before fading into their regular hazel. “This world to end… close. I could wait fifty more years but let’s speed it up, honestly. You and your family to suffer…” He grins, advancing towards him. “How is Jack doing?”

           “He’s fine,” Cas tells Chuck, “but you already know that. Don’t you?”

           “Guilty.”

           “Then why ask?” Cas glares at his creator, mustering enough fury that he trembles from an entirely new reason. “Did you stick around only to gloat? Is that what it takes to get you to show up?”

           “Oh Castiel…” Chuck grabs his chin, pinching it. Sparks jumping off his finger pads and searing his skin, Cas wincing when Chuck doesn’t let go. “You’re not bitter that I never returned your calls, right?”

           Chest aching, Cas tamps down that hurt. Accustomed to doing so. “But you received them?”

           “I hear each and everyone.”

           “And you do nothing.”

           “I only help those that deserve it.” He shoves Cas away, spinning on his heel. Gestures around them, “No one on this Earth – in this universe – deserves it. Ungrateful sacks of filth and – and mud. Imperfect, flawed…”

           “Beautiful.” Cas defends them on instinct, stepping forward. “Humanity might be all of that, but it doesn’t make them any less deserving of life. Of a second chance.”

           “Humanity…” He laughs again, to a joke Cas must have missed. Wiping a false tear, Chuck leers at him, “Really? Does humanity deserve a second chance? Is it even a second chance anymore?” Then, with a disturbing amount of severity laced through his voice. “How many more chances are you going to give Dean?”

           Chuck’s hand rests over his heart, closing the distance between blinks. Claws at Cas’s chest, clutching onto him. Cas stares above his creator’s head, resolutely not giving Chuck what he wants. Hiding sadness and longing they both can feel rippling across their bodies, warmth abnormal given this cooler climate.

           “You’re always giving so much of yourself to him,” Chuck whispers, prodding. Breath felt as he rasped in his ear. “Isn’t it tiring? Disappointing he doesn’t do the same?”

           Cas swallows the immediate thoughts that emerge. Those traitorous voices expressing similar sentiment, nasally and grating like them. His shadowed future. He answers, instead, with, “I will always do whatever it takes to keep my family safe.”

           Groaning, Chuck knocks his head against Cas’s shoulder. Repeatedly, harder and harder. Each swing whacking at his cool façade. “Love!” he bemoans, “Your love for humans, your love for him. How I hate – why does it all come down to Dean.” His hand trails upwards, snaking over Cas’s tie. Chuck steps backwards, dragging Cas along. Forcing him onto his knees. “Sam, I get. They’re brothers… sentimentality. They’ve been through the wringer longer than every other Earth, of course it’d be harder breaking that. Too mature, set in their routines… And Amara, she was finding herself. Dean was a passing fancy – entertainment, nothing more. But you…” Bending, Chuck presses his face onto Cas’s. Close enough he sees lightning flashing within his pupils. “Your little defect, your crush… this is all your fault.”

           “I…” Chuck’s eyes glow, his throat seizing as this greater being chokes him. Cas fights past it, coughing. “It’s… yours.”

           “No, it’s not. Really.” He stops, dropping him. Cas scrabbles into a crouch, warily observing Chuck circle. Arm raised defensively; angel blade prepped in case of another attack. Useless, given the comparison of power, but he refuses to sit and accept his death. Not like this. Luckily rather than smite Cas, Chuck wastes time prattling. “I tied everything up in a neat, little bow. Sure… took longer to get there, edits and rewrites of course, but the story was done. Brothers battle, one dies, close the book and move on. Raphael was supposed to raze this stage for the next show… until someone called for an encore.”

           Cas startles, guard slipping momentarily. “Wait… you wanted Raphael to restart the apocalypse?”

           “Yes!” Chuck yells, thunder booming in the distance. “It should have been Michael! But what do I find when I check in? Sam back, Dean hunting again, and you balancing an angelic civil war while pining for a man who was better off without you.”

           Those reminders threaten Cas, like tentacles rising from dark ocean waters ready to drag him under. Deeper into his past mistakes. Cas grounds himself, scraping the dirt. Feels it. “My part was done,” he challenges, “Over. Lucifer blew me into tiny particles. Untraceable. You brought me back.”

           “Because how else would I have gotten Dean out of that damned cemetery!” Chuck kicks a rock. It rockets through the sky. “If I’d left him there alone, he’d be as good as dead. Where’s the satisfaction in that? All you had to do was dust Dean off and send him on his way. Couldn’t even do something simple without screwing it up!”

           Cas glares at his creator, shouldering the burden of his disappointment, straining under its massive weight. He does not fall, however. “And all the other times?” he asks. He’s not sure if he wants to hear his answer. Worse, that indecision is a damned lie.

           Chuck grins. His simple act knocking Cas onto his rear, overwhelmed by its cruelty. “And let you off the hook for beating this dead horse? Not a chance. If the Leviathans blew you up, you’d never suffer through the fallout from betraying Dean – the man you did everything for. A hero’s sacrifice, staying behind in Purgatory? For penance? You don’t decide your fate – I do! And it was perfect. Hope, Castiel. All that hope you had… for Jack, a better world, a chance to raise a kid alongside the others. Experience those wonders, find a new purpose – dashed with a simple knife through your chest. The last thing you saw being Dean as his heart shattered, and he broke. That playing on a loop while you slumber for infinity in the Empty – now that was an ending!”

           As an angel, Cas doesn’t sleep. Can’t dream and cannot have nightmares. In moments of peace, sitting alone in his room at night. Bathed in darkness… that memory strikes. Quick, cutting in its ruthless appearance. Sets him to his feet, light on and blade drawn. Watching shadows shrink in their retreat.

           Chuck continues, angrier by the second. “You would have stayed there too, this time. Dean, Dean prayed. Every night that I would bring you back. Instant voicemail.” Cas frowns, distracted from past trauma by this new information. Dean never sharing this. “Except I was too focused on your demise I wrote myself into another problem – again, because of you!”

           “Jack.”

           “You just… you make me so mad! Castiel, you gotta – you gotta understand, I mean…” Chuck wipes at his cheek, palm lingering there while their gazes meet. “You’re an angel. A – uh… a simple worker bee. A drone. I’m the queen! You shouldn’t be able to do this, it’s – what is it about you? Was it this world – did I… help me make it make sense!”

           Righteous fury seizing, oozing out the cracks of his very being, Cas stands. “You want to know what happened?” he says, seething, “I finally saw what was important. Grand battles, ultimate power… they’re all meaningless if you are alone. Unloved. My time here has taught me…” Those words feel awkward on his tongue, incorrect. He switches, answering honestly. “Dean showed me that.”

           “He sure did show that…” Chuck huffs, rocking on his heels. Smugly enjoying Cas’s defiance. “It sure didn’t include you.”

           Chuck twists his hand in the wound. The very reason Cas fled, Dean’s statement ringing in his head. ‘I’d trade all of them for the chance to kill Chuck.’ Their heated, silent exchange during that brief pause. Communicating as best they could. Still, Dean gave into his fears. Chomped at the bit Chuck dangled. Choosing what Cas prayed he’d never.

           All for nothing.

           “Is that why you’re here?” Cas asks, “kill me one last time? Take me off the board because I’m not important to the story?”

           “How I wish that were true, Castiel. How I wish that were true.” He steeples his fingers, drifting into the surrounding forest. “You’ve got a part to play in this. Something big. A set up for the final battle… that’ll bring all the pieces I need onto the board.”

           “Except for me?”

           “I’ve learned from my first draft,” he says, “not to let surprises derail the story I want to write. You, you… you are nothing but surprising.”

           Cas scowls, fists balled at his sides. “And you being here? Sharing this with me? Is that part of your story?”

           Chuckling, Chuck wags his finger from side to side. “Let’s just say I’m… making things up as I go along.” Cas stiffens, hearing his own words used against him. “Wanted one last chat with you before you drown back in that slimehole.”

           “So it’s soon?” Chuck’s lips thin, stretched closed. Restraint crumbles, Cas leaping forward. “Tell me what you’ve planned -!”

           He’s thrown onto his back, a hand around his neck. Chuck expressionless while he struggles, looking almost bored. “Nothing, Castiel,” he says, “I have nothing planned.”

           “Liar!” he hisses, “You said that I –“

           Chuck talks over him, “It’s the truth! I didn’t plan anything… the only one to blame is you, Castiel. Like always, you are the architect of your own misery.” Cas freezes, body rebelling. Flames of hatred snuffed with a cold breeze. “Not like anything I could’ve written would have sticked anyway, we both know this. But your deal… I didn’t make you do that. You have no one to blame for your doom but yourself.” He releases Cas, wiping his hands on his pants. Sneering at Cas like he was garbage, but smaller. Gum Chuck wiped off his shirt, but worse. A bug under a magnifying glass while the sun shone brightly above, except more pitiful. “It’ll be nice to sit back and enjoy for once… so put on a good show, Cas. Really push Dean into doing something dumb and suicidal when you’re gone. Sell it! Make it count – it’ll be your last.”

           Chuck vanishes, leaving Cas there. On the ground, physically. Mentally, spiritually, he’s adrift in the unknown. Floating towards an ending he always knew waited for him. An ending that he chose.

           Or did he? If every other option was stolen from him, was it truly his choice? Cas certainly wouldn’t pick this. Years from now, after his loved ones have shuffled off, at peace with a life well lived – that’s the ending he would write. Being welcomed into his perfect heaven with gentle green eyes, freckles, and a dimpled smile.

           He stays like that for longer than he realized. Sam finds him, asks if he’s okay.

           Cas lies because, like with the Empty, it’s the only choice he has.

[snarkymonkeyprime]

I apparently started a destiel!labyrinth!au a million years ago?  And it’s not terrible?

Also, I don’t know what a Bowman Tree is but I’m intrigued by my thought process regarding it.  

Also, I made a note of who’s who:

Sarah – Dean Winchester

Toby – Sam Winchester

Goblin King – Lucifer

Hoggle – Castiel

Inch-Worm – Balthazar

Ludo – Benny Lafitte

The Dueling Guards – Bobby Singer and Crowley

Sir Didimus – Gabriel

Everyone’s so horrendously in character that I can’t stop snickering.

     The creature stared at Dean, blue eyes wide.  “I understand now, why the Bowman took hold of you.  You’re the human,” he stated, voice deeper than Dean had expected.

     Still holding his plank, Dean nodded sharply.  “Yeah?  So?”  He inched forward, muscles tight with strain.  The thing might have pulled him out of that bloodthirsty tree but even in the short time he’d been in Lucifer’s playland, he knew he couldn’t trust it.  If he could get close enough, he could stab it and run.  Probably.  God, he hoped its skin wasn’t made from iron or something equally annoying.

     “You one of Lucifer’s dicks?”

     The winged man across from him tilted his head like a bird, narrowing his eyes a bit as he did.  “Dicks?  Lucifer has only one penis.  And it isn’t anthropomorphic.”

     Startled by the blunt answer, Dean almost dropped his makeshift weapon.  “Uh, no shit Sherlock,” he muttered, frowning. 

     “My name is Castiel, not Sherlock,” he replied bowing.  The black wings at his back flared out gracefully before tucking in once more.  “I apologize for the lack of introduction.  My brothers and sisters were most curious of news regarding humans.”  He smiled, clearly trying to appease Dean.  “We don’t often see your kind here.”

     Dean glanced around, still not lowering the wood in his hand.  “Yeah, I figured that part out when the tree tried to eat me.”

     Castiel approached him again but stopped as soon as Dean swung the stick toward him.  “Apologies,” he murmured, holding up his hands.  “I mean you no harm.  You must understand that this world feeds off the energies of its master.  Currently, that is Lucifer.”  He half turned, pointing in the direction Lucifer himself had indicated after dropping Dean in the middle of this hellhole.  “It is a living creature.  It forms based on the fears and dreams of the creatures around it.” 

     Curious despite himself, Dean half-lowered his weapon.  That … no way.  Christ, no wonder Lucifer had seemed so smug after Dean had agreed to this stupid bullshit.  “He controls it?  So, he tells it what to do?”  Five minutes ago, he’d never have asked such a question but, five minutes ago, he hadn’t almost been eaten by a tree and rescued by a man with wings.  So … fuck it.

     “Hm, no.  Not entirely.”  He pointed again toward Lucifer’s home.  “In fact, he is as much at its whim as you and I.  However, this land feeds on his presence.  The presence of an ancient angel.  As long as one of that line remains on the throne, it survives.”

     “Hold the fuck up,” he snapped, eyes wide.  “Did you say angel?”

     “Of course.” 

     Dean waited but when Castiel stayed quiet, he lifted his brows as high as he could.  “That’s … what?  How the … what?”  Seriously, his brain was going to explode.  Just … exasperated Dean all over the damn place.

     Castiel’s wings lifted, feathers fanning.  Sunlight gleamed on the blue-black color.  “I am an angel, human.  We are a limited race here but this is our home.”

    Clenching his jaw, fingers gripping his plank, Dean grunted, “Why isn’t God your leader?”

     The angel’s blue eyes were blank.  “God?  Perhaps you mean the one who created us?  Created this place?”  His visage soured for a moment as he looked away.  “Our Father left us here a long time ago.  We have no name for him.  Not one that is translatable.”

     There was sorrow in Castiel’s voice.  And anger.  Dean, strangely, understood that all too well.  “So he just up and ditched you?  Put you in charge and walked?”  Yeah, that sounded pretty damn familiar.

     Castiel nodded.  “In a way.  Lucifer has led us since we woke here.  He is our brother.”  Something in the way he phrased the statement sat wrong with Dean.  Brother wasn’t a term he wanted to use.  But why he held back now was a story better for another time.  The land was important as far as Dean was concerned; not brotherly sniping between giant winged human dicks.

     His mind whirled as he rehashed their conversation.  “Right.  That’s a bunch of shit but … fuck it.  Can’t deal with that right now.”  He took a deep breath, letting it out in a rush.  Jesus, this was tiring.  “So, if what you said is true, empty the chair, the place dies?” 

     And then there was that.  Just when he thought this place couldn’t get any weirder.  Giant life support system hooked to a massive dickhead?  Yeah, that’s a great thing to learn.

     Castiel nodded.  “To simplify it; yes.  It would take ages to die but it would cease to be, eventually.  So we keep one of the ancient blood on the throne at all times.”

     “But I’m going to kill him.  I need to get my brother back.”  He sneered.  “Isn’t it in your best interests to stop me?”

     Again the bird-head tilt.  “I suppose, it would be the right thing.”  He licked his lips.  “But, no?  There are others of ancient blood.  I, myself, am one.  We would find a replacement, if need be.”  Castiel was holding something back given the hesitation in his voice but for now, given he had helped Dean, he was willing to overlook it. 

    Great; history lesson was over.  Dean hefted the wood again.  “Fine.  So … thanks for smiting the tree back there but I’m kind of in a hurry so kindly fuck off.”

     Castiel blinked.  “I … I could help you?”

     “Are you asking or offering?” Dean tossed back.  He really didn’t need a tag-a-long in this endeavor.  He just had to hike it to that dick’s home and get his little brother back.  God only knew what Lucifer was doing to him right now.  The very idea made his shoulders tense and splinters dig into his fingers. 

     Again that broad smile.  “Offering, of course.”

     Yeah … no.  Dean shook his head.  “Nope.  Fine on my own, feathers.  I don’t need one of you bastards spying on me to His Royal Dickness.”

     “The title is highness, actually,” Castiel corrected blithely.  “Though, we don’t heed such terms here.  He’s merely considered our … leader.”  He wrinkled his nose.  “You seem quite obsessed with male anatomy.”

     Dean wanted to be annoyed but it was strangely endearing how literal the birdman was taking him.  Despite the situation, he found himself grinning a bit.  “Uh, it’s a … nevermind.  Cas, I don’t exactly care what you call him.  He has my brother and I’m getting him back.”

     He hadn’t even seen the guy move.  In less than a second, Castiel had gone from being a few feet away to less than a handful of inches.  His eyes were narrowed but it didn’t hide the brilliant blue.  He didn’t seem particularly angry; just confused. 

     “Cas?  Did you forget the rest of my name?  Did the fight with the Bowman Tree make you ill?  If you’ve forgotten, it’s Castiel.”

     “Uh, nickname, Cas.  You know … short.”  He glanced at the plank he still held.  Given the guy’s insane speed, he was fairly certain it wouldn’t be much in the way of weaponry.  With an annoyed sigh, he tossed it, noting that Castiel relaxed when he did.  His black wings fluffed once before settling again.  “It’s easier to remember.”

     “Hm.”  Castiel nodded.  “Very well.  Do you also have a name?”

     “Yeah.  Dean.”  He snorted.  “I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but it kind of isn’t.  Lucifer stole my brother and then told me I have twenty-four hours to make it to his lair to get him back.”  He swallowed, new nightmares of what waited for Sam swarming his head.  “I just … this wasn’t what I wanted,” he muttered.

     “Dean.”  Castiel spoke his name as though cradling a gift.  He smiled again.  “Would you prefer to go by D?  Short, yes?”

     He did laugh then.  “Uh, no.  The short name thing is really only for longer names.  So … like Matthew?  You’d call him Matt.  That kind of thing.”

     Castiel, strangely, seemed disappointed.  “Oh.  I see.”

     “You really have never seen a human before?  Talked to one?”

     “Not myself, no.  I believe some of my brothers and sisters have.  But not for many, many years.”  He stared up into the sky, squinting.  “It is … somewhat remote here.  You have to intend to arrive.”

     Figures.  Dean scratched his head.  “Yeah, got it.”  He looked up to find Castiel watching him intently, the blue eyes tracking slowly along his face and body.  Suddenly uncomfortable, he shifted and pointed.  “So?  Do we go or what?”

     “You’ll allow me to aid you?”

     “Yeah, sure; first sign of trouble?  I take your head off, though.”  With what, he hadn’t figured out just yet.  He still had his dad’s tactical knife in his boot but that wouldn’t do much more than poke a hole in the guy; if he could even be cut.  Shit, this place officially sucked.

     Castiel’s eyebrows lifted a moment before settling again.  “You don’t trust me.  Very well.”  He took a few steps away from Dean and gestured toward the dirt road ahead of them.  “I assure you, I mean no harm.  If, however, you feel my presence is detrimental, you need only tell me and I will leave.”

     Dean considered it.  But then again, he was alone in this freakhole of a place.  Knew nothing about it.  Hell, the giant slimy tree had almost eaten him.  What else waited?  He stared ahead, barely able to make out the shape of Lucifer’s home.  Sammy, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t … this wasn’t what I meant.  Wasn’t what I wanted.  He sighed and began walking.  “Yeah.  Fine.  Just … let’s go, all right?  I need to get to Sam.”

[diminuel]

Supernatural 15x01 rewatch

As a warning to send you on your way; this is a long post and it’s not clearly structured. It’s a reaction and not a proper analysis/ meta. I’d love to hear your thoughts or be pointed towards your own reactions if you’re willing to share~

Okay, here we go! All under the cut!

I am fond of the smooth transition between the “THEN” and “NOW”. The summary of last season was pretty short and I had somehow expected a montage spanning all seasons, but this is better.

First of all I am confronted with the slight vagueness of the issue at hand: the doors to hell have all been opened, so any soul that wants to is free to walk the earth again. So are they ghosts or are they demons? Since they possess bodies demons would be most likely, but then they wouldn’t be cast out of a body by iron alone. Other ghosts we see later on - any ghost that’s not in the cemetary trying to eat Sam and Dean and Cas - don’t seem to need to possess a body. Neither are they in any way restricted to a particular place or object or bound by lore (White Woman, Bloody Mary... they both just kill whoever is available, not who they would usually go for due to the “rules”).

The second remarkable thing is that we get Belphegor in Jack’s place, both masking his loss but also parading it around, depending on which character he has a scene with. Belphegor, while suspicious, is also highly entertaining and even though he has no eyes he is pretty insightful. Jack’s dead and Dean comments it with “he didn’t deserve this”, but that is the height of emotion for Dean regaring Jack’s demise, at least in this episode. Dean wanted Jack to die but ultimately decided against it, but I assume his lack of emotion (or at least the lack of expression of those emotions) are a good indication that Dean’s anger at what Jack has done still overrides his paternal feelings and any sadness that Jack's death might cause him. He wanted him dead, now he’s dead, moving on to bigger issues.

How Dean deals with his own complicated feelings regarding Jack is one thing, but how he deals with Cas’ feelings is quite another. Dean shows no compassion at all for how Cas feels about Belphegor walking around in Jack’s body. But neither does Sam, not really. They instead jump at the chance of having an ally. A demon comes, possesses Jack’s body, gives them a little speech and conveniently has all the right spells just available to himself and Dean & Sam don’t even think about second guessing it? It’s like “I need angel blood :D” and when Cas hesistates Sam urges him to give his blood anyway.

Also, Sam doesn’t have a lot of scenes with the guy, it’s mostly Dean and Cas being shown to have very different reactions and that’s pretty telling too considering Dean and Cas have been established to be Jack’s parents more than Sam has lately. 

While Dean is pretty unperturbed and cracking jokes like calling Belphegor Crowley Jr. (I’d call him Babybel but to each their own), Castiel went from anger at him possessing Jack to a heart-broken admittal that he can’t even look at Belphegor, something that doesn’t even seem to cross Dean’s mind as a possibility? He lets Cas go without berating him for it, so at least it gave him to think a bit and he didn’t default to not letting Cas have emotions about it.

Belphegor has a reaction to the Equalizer, so I assume there might be something coming featuring that kill everything suicide gun. Belphegor probably knows more than he lets on, who knows if he’s even from our version of the Sam and Dean story, but we’ll probably see. The scene showing the gun in Belphegor’s presence was there for a reason and we’re bound to see what it’ll become.

Belphegor commenting on how gorgeous Dean is (and then later on how much he admires him as an artist) is just so funny to me. Kind of uncomfortable of course because it sounds like Belphegor is flirting and the dude is possessing Dean’s kid *lol* Generally, Belphegor is our big question mark of the episode. Is he who he claims to be? What is his goal exactly? Helping the Winchesters to put things back into hell seems far-fetched but not exactly impossible. 

But, I must now comment on one of the high lights of the episode for me. Dean, Cas and Belphegor are in the impala alone. Belphegor witnesses Cas share that he cannot even look at Belphegor. I’m pretty sure Jack made the demon news too, but Belphegor still asks about his meatsuit, which then reveals an interesting, juicy bit that warms every Destiel shipper’s heart. Dean says that Jack was “our” kid. Now, imagine you’re Belphegor and you get that piece of information after having just witnessed a tense moment between Dean and Cas. Who is “our”? Considering that Belphegor knows that Sam and Dean are brothers and he has seen how Cas acts around him, he inevitably must interpret “he was our kid” to mean Dean and Castiel’s. Especially since everyone in hell seems to know that Dean and Cas are “attached”. I’m just waiting for Belphegor to comment on Dean and Cas’ failing marriage.

But hey, back to the plot! I wonder what the Equalizer wound does. In all honesty we don’t even know for sure what the Equalizer does, because it certainly wasn’t the only thing that could kill Jack. Maybe its goal was to purge Jack out of the story since he, in theory, could be a thread to the whole cardhouse structure of the multiverse that is Chuck’s AO3 profile of not beta read variations of the same story (like Metatron said, Chuck posted the first draft). When Jack was born he created rifts into different worlds - the abandoned drafts existing parallel to their own - and he had impacted other worlds, killed players from different universes (well, not that this was the first time this happened, Meta Misha anyone? Poor guy) and could destroy it all. Chuck doesn’t mind losing one story. There are countless more, but having Jack mess up all of them, especially the ones Chuck likes to observe? That would suck. So if that was something the Equalizer was meant to prevent, balacing all the other universes out there, then maybe Sam now accidentally became a portal/ door to other worlds. The fact that we saw a different Sam, heard a different Dean seems to imply this. 

Well, that’s just speculation because it could also be that Sam, having accidentally forged a connection with Chuck due to their common wound, could simply see things - the future, different versions that Chuck is currently invested in. In any case, I’m very excited about that, seeing different versions of Team Free Will is my jam.

And while I’m speaking of things that are my jam? I must mention Cas’ flat “You shot me”. So good. I always wonder why that doesn’t happen more often in close ghost combat when shotguns are involved. Luckily Cas can’t get hurt *lol* 

But... why can a ghost hurt a demon and why can a ghost get a hold of Cas? These ghosts generally do weird things but I assume that might be because they’ve been to hell for a while and are on their way to become demons? But that brings us back to the question I asked initially and I guess we’ll see more of that in the next episode.

And now, the other DeanCas scene. It doesn’t exactly qualify as a conversation but it’s there and it’s still meaningful. Why did Dean get out of the car, why did he approach Cas, why did he ask? The way he cuts any conversation short beyond the quick affirmation that Cas isn’t hurt, Dean shows that he doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t want to hear anything from Cas. Belphegor picks up on the rejection it is meant to be. It is kinda awkard, it is kind of cruel. Dean knows how Cas is struggling with the situation, at least when it gets to Belphegor but Dean is clever enough to know how much Cas is hurting because of Jack’s death. But Dean allows no grief, no expression of it, which I think is cruel... And it’s not necessary. Even if Dean is angry at Cas still (obviously) that doesn’t mean that he gets to decide to not let Cas be sad about the death of their child. (But Dean has done that before, when Charlie died and Sam apologized to her while they gave her a hunter’s funeral, Dean decided that Sam didn’t get to say anything, because he was at fault. It makes Dean seem so self-righteous, deciding who can or cannot be sad and in what shape they are allowed to express their grief.) Cas has shown in S14 and now again that he wants to talk, he wants to tackle the issue as a family. He never rejected Dean’s sadness, anger and grief - it was Sam that held him back, it was Dean who decided to cry alone in the woods even though Cas would have been there for him.

And Cas isn’t even angry at Dean, which is something that I expected. I wonder if that will continue this way; with Cas having plenty of reasons to be upset with Dean, but only ever taking the rejection Dean heaps on him, accepting that Dean doesn’t grant him the right to voice his own grief, without ever speaking up about it. Just... it’s unfair?

By the way, Sam continues to remove himself from the entire issue. He has very little to offer in terms of reactions to Jack’s death, he has nothing to offer in terms of comfort for Cas, presents no grief for either Cas or Dean to comment on and in turn get to show glimpses of their own struggling. And he too takes no responsibility at the current moment for the situation, no apology offered to Cas regarding his involvement in the “kill Jack” mission... Which is disappointing as well but not super unexpected either. Maybe it’ll come later, but as with Dean, Cas doesn’t seem to hold any anger so far.

I did like the ending. From what some interviews stated I had expected Sam and Dean to struggle with having God as the one who wrote their entire lives a lot more. But they’re doing fine so far...

All in all, a good episode. Throwing Belphegor into the mix created some very interesting situations and having him there means that he - as an outsider - gets to poke at things that interests us too, like the focus on the Dean - Cas drama. He comments on it for us, gets Cas to speak up in ways he probably wouldn’t if there was only Jack’s corpse around. So I’m pleased. :D

[cdg174]

Call me Jane Doe: Chapter Twenty-Two

Series summary:  A young girl with many secrets and special abilities seeks out Sam and Dean on one of their hunts. For what you may ask? Help of all things but even though she needs them, she takes her time telling them what she wants and what she is. Y/N wants them to trust her before she does the same for them, because if she has learned anything, it’s that when you become attached to something it will only rip your heart out later.

Author’s note: This chapter links with the last one for the most part. Just to be on the safe side though, you’ll want to re-read the last few chapters over or the entire series because I haven’t posted in a very long time.

WARNING: Character death and suicide.

Words: 3060

Masterlist

“There was a time you would have done anything for me. I can’t remember the last time you even smiled at me, or hugged me and that you meant all good things. It must have been years ago because it’s at the point where the memory of all that good, all that love, it has all disappeared. So I don’t understand why I even bother visiting you anymore because if you were able to, right now, you would kill me. I’d be dead. So tell me why I keep coming back to you. Why? Just tell me why?”

...................................................................

Three weeks earlier, The Bunker…

Jane’s pov.

“If you were expecting my eyes to change colour again, you must all be very disappointed right now.”

If the air of the war room wasn’t so tense, someone aside from Crowley would have laughed. No such luck though.

Everyone in the room pauses. All of them become rigid as statues at the sight of me. I can’t blame them. I may not have seen my battered and bloody state but they all did.

I take my eyes away from the newcomer in the bunker. I don’t know Flora; she is unreadable in all ways. Even with this uncertainty, I just wanted to prevent any more conflict and blood being spilled. So my previous statement about Flora was merely a verbal way of calling a temporary truce between all those in the here.

I observe everyone else now.

Sam just looks at me with a pained expression. His ever changing eyes seem horrified, as they did when he saw my mangled form earlier this day. I nod an okay to him, Sam needs reassurance most.

Dean on the other hand, he looks ashamed. Not of me but himself. The hunter must be most discouraged with himself when he was unable to save me from torture. I know the truth though; nothing could have stopped Mallory from hurting me. My mother was unstoppable.

The sheriff has slowly and timidly made her way to my side. Jody is but feet away from me now, wanting to be ready to defend me or catch me if need be. She inches no closer; Jody respects my confident stance enough to halt her own.

Crowley just smiles at me. It’s an actual smile, one of joy and pride. This is a rare occurrence from someone who claims to be evil. His hands stay in his pants pockets but if I know Crowley, he’s flipping a mental coin to see who breaks the quiet first.

“Jane…”

I’m pulled out of my perception of the war room by the crumbling voice of Castiel. His tone is raw sounding and hoarse as sand paper.

It is at this time that I see my angel friend for the first time. My breath freezes in my lungs.

Walking is forgotten in my mind and in a millisecond I am kneeling in front of Castiel.

I can feel everyone in the room take a moment to collect themselves. Despite the fact that I touched no one in my motions, the speed in which I teleported must have given everyone whiplash.

No matter, my attention is on the tousled remains of Castiel slumping in the chair before my eyes.

It is at this time that I realize I have not been seeing all the souls in the room. Earlier I was watching Jody’s soul dance with itself in bliss. Later on I had nearly cried at the sight of my chained up mother’s havoc swirling darkness.

Now I see nothing, until I close my eyes facing the wreckage that is Castiel.

The soul casts extreme blinding light but not for me. I see through to its core and I feel awe overtake me.

At the center of Castiel’s being are all-powerful palms of hands shielding what seems to be a globe. Fingers cascade over the world’s every surface, in a hope to hold it together. Constantly healing but never fully recovering or succeeding.

It’s all exquisite, simply alluring.

I find my left arm being pulled toward Castiel’s chest. My hand places itself ever so delicately over his bloody clothed heart. I can feel it beating just barely through his skin. The thought of my friend like this brings water to my eyes.

I don’t want to see Castiel in such pain and so I imagine him well. No cuts upon his face, no broken bones or swelling bruises. I imagine the angel easily laughing and speaking with no rasp in his voice. Just Castiel as I first saw him with no blood or torn clothing. All scars missing and standing tall, perfectly alright.

...................................................................

Present time …

My phone rings from its place on the passenger seat next to me.

I already know it’s one of the boys.

Maybe it’s Crowley, wanting to know if I’d like to go for lunch.

My thoughts continue to wander about the ringing cell phone as I drive along the highway. It’s about 10AM now. The phone goes off many times throughout every day but I just let it ring.

If it’s Sam calling, he will just be asking if I’m alright and updating me on how everyone else is.

If I go back to the bunker for anything, it would be to tell Sam to go to sleep. He only rings me between 2 and 6AM.

When Dean calls, he always starts by trying to convince me to come back home for a game night. When really he’s just trying to track my phone to find where I am.

Since I’ve stopped picking up calls, Dean can no longer track my whereabouts.

Castiel is different though, he’s only tried to get a hold of me a few times in the past weeks. I’m pretty sure he’s out and about looking for me.

How do I know all of this? I listen to all the voicemails they leave.

It can’t be Jody calling because she just texts me now. The sheriff gave up calling after a few days. She’ll start by saying how worried the Winchesters are about me and finish by asking if I need anything. I always respond to Jody the same way.

“I don’t need anything, thanks for asking” and that’s all.

I never answer any phone calls because I have nothing to say to anyone. Not a damn thing.

I’m not heartless though.

Texting is how I let the boys know I’m still alive.

I’ll just send them each the same thing every day.

“I’m still breathing, just not speaking at the moment.”

Just like that, each morning and every night. I may be absent minded towards the boys but I am not cruel.  

“Jane you’re going to have to answer that noisy thing sometime. Or at least have the decency to turn the sound off.”

I jump as Flora’s voice comes from the back seat. I peek at her in the rear-view mirror before quickly silencing my phone still ringing away on passenger side.

“Sorry.” I smile shyly back at the angel who now rises from lying down.

“It’s fine. So where are we off to now?” Flora stretches her arms above her head in question.

“We’re going to visit her.” When I speak I look straight ahead at the speeding pavement.

“Alright, how far off are we?” Flora understands what I mean immediately.

“Five hours.”

I smile at the groan I receive in response.

“It’d be a lot faster if you just teleported us there.” I watch Flora cross her arms in the mirror, a pout upon her lips.

“I know, I know but driving helps me relax in the meantime.”

Flora complains no further, she’s aware about how painful where we’re going is for me.

Five more hours.

...................................................................

Three weeks earlier, The Bunker…

“We could just keep her locked up for a while.”

Dean stares at his brother in disbelief.

“Keep her locked up here? Sam you nearly killed her today just at her first words to you.” The eldest Winchester scoffs out. “You of all people nearly killed a human. Mallory is too agitating for even you, one of the most level headed people here. That’s saying something.”

Jody buts in.

“Dean’s right.” The library occupants now focus on the sheriff. “I could take her and hold in one of the jails. I mean just until we figure out what to do with her. None of you will be able to tolerate Mallory long here anyway.”

The sheriff nods this more toward me because she knows I’m the only one Mallory was here for in the first place. If my mom were to escape somehow, she’d go straight for me. No doubt about it.

“Or the more secure possibility would be hell.”

All heads turn toward Crowley who sits comfortably in one of the library chairs. Poise is the king.

“What?” It’s Flora who speaks up.

Everyone has left her be since I stood for her. At the moment she actually leans on the wall next to me.

I look to the new angel in curiosity. Even though I know that she is some centuries old, her vessel looks very young. She seems maybe mid twenties. She’s very pretty which is a word I don’t use often at all. This being because I haven’t had the time to think about descriptions. Flora however…

I find that she emanates beauty.

All of her features complement each other. Flora’s florescent gold eyes seem to reflect off her eyelashes, making her actual eyes look like deer’s pearls. The nose on her face isn’t straight but curved just so that it makes her full tan lips stand out. The roots of Flora’s hair start out black and flow out to brown at her shoulder length tips. Her skin a mere few shades away from being a dark oak.

As I am looking over Flora, I miss the argument that breaks out. Something about Crowley’s suggestion and the Winchesters disagreeing with him.

“Let Jane decide what becomes of Mallory.” Castiel walks into the library wearing a fresh non bloody suit.

After I healed Cas he went to change from his disgustingly crusty apparel. He doesn’t sport his usual trench coat. It must be in the wash still or completely trashed.

“Yes. Good idea brother.” Flora stands up to her full height, which isn’t much, in agreement. “After all it is her mother. Jane of everyone here has more right of choosing Mallory’s fate.”

I think this is Flora’s way of proving her loyalty to us, more so to me. She must realize how enormous our next decisions are. All though Mallory’s actions were monstrous, she is still a human and my mother.

I feel all eyes on me now. The word eye has now lost all meaning to me in their history in my life.

I continue to study Flora and appreciate her interest in the matter at hand as I respond to the question hanging in the air.

“I want to give Mallory a second chance to live the life she wants.” I stare at the listening faces of the room. “I want to erase my mother’s memory of me and all things supernatural.”

  ...................................................................

Present time…

“I’m sorry Jane. I am so sorry.”

I am embraced by Flora through the open driver’s side door of our vehicle.

If the boys were to see how close the angel and I have gotten over the weeks, they might lose their minds.

Flora has stuck by me in ways the Winchesters, Castiel and Crowley never could. The bond between us is even different from Jody’s relationship with me. Just as strong, but nowhere near motherly like the sheriff.

I am currently in ruins over the visit I am to have with someone who is only a short walk from us.

“We don’t have to do this today. We can stay in town tonight and come back in the morning.” Flora’s hand smooths over my head in hopes to diminish my sorrow.

I don’t wish to break from the angel’s calming embrace so I simply speak into the hug.

“This is the last time I come back here. It has to be today.”

The howls that escape my throat cause Flora to pull me into her more.

“It has to be today.” My whisper is as broken as my heart.

...................................................................

Three weeks earlier, The Bunker…

I peer at my dark sneakers as they move in a trance down the bright bunker halls. The black shoelace ends slither on the shoes fabric in slow motion. My breathing is pummeling against my lung walls, in dread of my path to the dungeon.

I barely hear Flora’s voice next to my ear.

“Slow down Jane, you’re going to trip over your own two feet.”

I feel a hand tug on my elbow, in an attempt to halt my panicked rushing. Enough of a pull to have me turn and look directly into the gems that are Flora’s eyes staring into my own violet ones.

“You’re about to hyperventilate Jane. Wait a second and breathe for a moment.” As soothing as the angel speaks and as welcoming as her eyes are, I have to continue.

I gently leave Flora’s grasp and stare at her still.

“It has to be now.” I force my gaze away from hers and resume forward. “It has to be before I change my mind.”

I force my stiff legs to carry me toward the dungeon where I am to erase Mallory’s memory of being a mother to me. All her memory of all inhuman beings will be nonexistent.

I am unaware of my fingers twisting the dungeon door open or my head rising to see my mother already standing and free from her bonds.

“How did you get out?” It’s Dean acknowledging Mallory’s sudden escape.

I hadn’t known about him following behind Flora and me.

“It doesn’t matter.” Mallory races toward Dean, who squeezed through the door and stands beside me.

I never knew how fast my mother was on her feet because in no time she has snatched a pistol from the eldest Winchester. Dean was pushed down to the floor in her antics and soon she points the barrel of the weapon at me once more.

I raise my hands in an unneeded defence.

“Mom it’s alright. We’re not here to hurt you.”

I pass the words effortlessly out between my lips seeing as this is the last time I will be able to call her that.

She hesitates briefly before lowering the weapon.

“I am here to give you one last chance at life because I love you.” I whisper in truth.

<WARNING>

“I believe you.” Then Mallory raises the weapon to her own temple. “But I still know when I’ve lost. Goodbye baby.”

The gun goes off.

My eyes clench as mom’s soul flourishes into death.

Ignoring every aspect of life around my own, I sink to my mother’s non-breathing side. My arms move on their own accord beneath her limp back and pull her body into my own. I feel the pulse leave from beneath her skin and fade into the nothing. If it weren’t for the blood running into her dishevelled hair from the bullet’s path, Mallory could look as though she were just asleep. The paler my mother’s face becomes, the more I shiver.

I don’t realize that I’m trying to shake her awake until my hand carries her lolling head. I feel the red travel to my finger tips as I brush hair off Mallory’s face. I bend my head down to my mother’s forehead and speak.

“I love you mama.”

A weight rests upon my trembling shoulder and I desperately look up into Flora’s gloomy eyes.

I had no clue how wrecked a soul could become until I disappeared from the bunker with my dead mother carried in my grasp.

The only light in that moment was an angel named Flora following close behind me due my quick exit.

<WARNING ENDS>

...................................................................

Present time…

“Happy birthday mama.”

I perch glumly at the grave stone of the lady once named Mallory.

I stare at the name of a woman who gave birth to a cambion and loved the creature anyway. This woman sacrificed all for a baby she never wanted and became hated when she tried taking her life back.

“I don’t know why I’m bringing you flowers mom. You’re allergic to pretty much every kind.” I glare reluctantly at the lilies in my hold, droplets cascading down my cheeks. “I just thought they were lovely like you once were.”

I sink to the green grass where my mother’s feet would be.

There is a shivering crack in my voice.

“There was a time you would have done anything for me. I can’t remember the last time you even smiled at me, or hugged me and that you meant all good things. It must have been years ago because it’s at the point where the memory of all that good, all that love, it has all disappeared.  So I don’t understand why I even bother visiting you anymore because if you were able to, right now, you would kill me. I’d be dead. So tell me why I keep coming back to you. Why? Just tell me why?”

I know full well that Mallory has no life to respond and so I drop the bouquet of lilies at her headstone before standing to my numb feet.

I take in the gravelly stone of my mother’s final existence before spinning my toes away from her. I tilt my stare at my mother’s name for the final time.

“Goodbye mom. I love you.”

The pads of my flats teeter their way in the direction of the parking lot.

I remember nothing of the journey back to the pavement where my vehicle is parked still.

“Jane?”

The sockets of my eyes are agitated with salty tears that look to the gold eyed beauty that is Flora. The angel who has been on this three week trip with me is resting on the hood of our vehicle. Flora shows nothing but support in her entire expression.

“I think it’s about time we head home Flora.” A smile dawns on my lips for the first moment in 21 days. “I need to go home.”

..............................................................

Special mentions (tags open) :

@arazialotis @goldenolaf25 @when-innocence-is-gone@fallen-castielx@anothertimeinspace @flare-chan003 @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for @imnotalosechester @mary-meee  @jsamstar @driadgoch @vvinch3st3r@kayarisa @misguidedconqueress @heeeeeether @breathexxinxxthexxflames@tuckyouinwarmwithin  @simirachel @supernatural-fangirl13 @lilypalmer1987@beatlesobsessionlove @ultracleverthing @possesstiel @anamarieswift2194@mlechercat @elyraelyn @caratala @theotherlostgirl  @dandycandy75 @the-imaginarium-of-life@trilloku-blog @fandomking221b @stephisapotatoe @5sos-wdw@jadepc @spngeronimo @eemeile @imjustabloger @dixonsunicorn@mcdaring @silvermisthunter @roco-m-pie @mutedwerido @purplesandwichtiger  @deanmonwithwings24 @secretkittenhideout@whaticameheretosay @rls905 @msimpala67  @littlesupernaturalwords@spnsoap @hp-hogwartsexpress @d3stiny13-blog​ @darknzz-incarnate @marshmallow-world  @youtube-starkid​  @bluebear2232  @hstott@cosmoetik

[dork-in-a-trenchcoat]

((Pulled from a very old relationship prompt because this was fun to do back in the day on Sev’s blog, so might as well do Casip because SOMEONE mentioned yesterday that she had been going back to re-read old Casip and I guess it’s about time to post something new.))

It bounces around a lot in timeline, but eeeehhhhhhh it’s fine. Only like 3 people don’t scroll past the Casip stuff anyway X’DDD There are probably typos.

Attack hugging them

Whether by nature of his patience, or by nature of his significant other’s impatience, Castiel was usually slow moving in comparison to greet his Mate after a long absence. His was the quiet embrace from behind. The hand gently tracing hair back from her face when she slept. Quite the opposite, and quite literally, this evening Flip had gotten the jump on him, leaping against his chest with all the grace of a stampeding linebacker down a staircase.

“If either of us were Human, we would need the emergency room after that.” he grunted, easing an elbow away from his Vessel’s groin.

--------

Falling asleep on or next to them

"I’m not tired.” Flip had protested.

“You are.” Castiel replied patiently.

They didn’t have many moments together. It seemed always that the Earth was on the brink of destruction, or the slumbering Humans of the world needed tending. Schedules being what they were, spare quality time was precious, though currently Flip was far too exhausted to indulge in it. Defeated, she curled into a ball on his chest, resting under the blanket of his massive (to her at least), warm hand. Castiel typically did not require sleep, but he was content to rest in a meditative state until such time that she would wake.

----------

Giving them the best back massage they’ve ever had

Though he’d repeatedly insisted that his muscles refreshed themselves constantly through use of his Grace, arguing with the Fairy was often a fruitless endeavor. Her stubbornness was deep and encompassing as the sea. With an overly dramatic eye roll, he finally shed his trenchcoat and jacket to sit backwards in a dining chair. Arms rested on the chair top, chin rested on arms. He could hear a faint jingling as she phased herself up and bespelled her hands for warmth.

Slowly, steady pressure worked its way across his upper back, across his shoulders, and along a tight section of muscles in the base of his wings. Completely involuntary, he groaned into his arms. He’d only ever seen the idea of massages as a means to an end for muscle therapy. They felt like this all along??? Why had it taken him so long to allow one? Her expert fingers worked and kneaded and molded him like warm putty, melting to jelly.

“Enjoying yourself?” Flip inquired rhetorically.

“Very much so~” Cas mumbled in hopes that this feeling could continue for quite a long time.

When she eased a soft vibration spell through her fingers, it was reasonably safe to assume that he was enjoying himself so thoroughly that in that moment she could have talked him into almost anything.

---------

Holding their hand for the first time

It had only been meant as a signal. Whilst posing as an unassuming pair in a coffee shop, Flip was brightly looking around as Castiel pretended to read a menu. When the necromancer revealed themselves in their habitual caffeine run, Castiel felt Flip’s cool fingers slide over his own under the table, gently squeezing to let him know the target had arrived. At first, he hadn’t recognized it as the signal. They were not yet involved as more than friends at this point, but it was familiar in a way which didn’t make sense, and comforting in a way it should not be.

“Thank you for the assist.” Cas had whispered awkwardly.

“Less bad Dreams triggered by that goon means less work for me, so trust me when I say it’s not a problem.” Flip whispered back.

---------

Hugging them from behind when they weren’t expecting it

“I didn’t mean it that way.” Cas struggled to explain.

“Then you shouldn’t have said it that way.” Flip quipped, angrily picking up the broken shards from the angelic liquor bottle she’d trod upon and crushed. “If you have to be drunk off your ass to tolerate spending the night, then why the hell are you even here?”

His head spun frantically, both from the alcohol and from panic. He hadn’t expected her to arrive back so soon. Everything was meant to be cleaned up and then he could just remain in a slightly tipsy stupor for a while. The truth was, things with the Winchesters were going haywire. Between tense attitudes with Jack joining the fold, complications with alternate universes, and the uphill struggles with his own depression, he’d only wanted to dull the upsetting thoughts buzzing in his mind so that they could enjoy each other’s company. But he’d worded it so poorly. 

“I’m sorry. I was... trying to even out my mood. Everything has been remarkably stressful lately and I didn’t want to take out these frustrations on you. Angelic liquor has a calming effect on me. You’ve seen this. But I took it to excess, and I am sorry.” he unsteadily moved to the door. “I will go. I’m... I will go.”

Flip narrowed her eyes, watching him brace against the wall. It wasn’t particularly safe for him to wander out in that condition, regardless of whether or not she was angry with him. Castiel had the tendency to be thoughtless in the way he expressed himself from time to time, but it was rare that his intention was to be truly mean. If this was his poor attempt to avoid emptying frustrations onto their evening... then his Heart had been in the right place, even if his words had not.

When he felt her arms circle his middle, softly holding him in place, Castiel swallowed heavily and apologized once more.

“Next time we’ll make a drinking game of it, if you need it.” Flip whispered. “I don’t want to see you getting wobbly by yourself again, especially if your mood is south of sunny by this much.”

--------------

Hugging them way too tightly

“Hggn… Flippitn, please…” Cas wheezed. “My ribs are susceptible to breaks now.”

His injuries were minor as compared to many of the other patrons from the city’s commuter bus. The walk from Flip’s hideout to the Gas N Sip where he endured employment as a Human was not far, but the outlet mall he needed to visit was too far to walk to that day. Being that he needed to purchase a set of skid-proof shoes per his employer’s new uniform requirements, there was really no other option. How unfortunate that the bus driver was working his seventh double-shift in a row. The old man had fallen asleep at the wheel, and capsized the bus over the highway median.

Paramedics had swarmed the scene, going through the motions of onsite triage to discern who required the most immediate of attention. Castiel managed to heave several people out of the bus windows down to the people who were waiting on the ground.

By the time his minor head wound was being addressed, a woman with eyes just a little too bright to look natural had been seen pushing her way through the throng of people blocking civilians. He signaled that he would like to allow her near, if only to make sure that she didn’t get into a fight. That woman was now crushing him in a hug, sending a symphony of cracks along his ribs and spine.

“Ma’am, you’ll need to be careful. We think he might have a concussion.” a woman advised.

Flip looked back and waved to someone else. A person with neatly tied dreadlocks as well as the same unnatural eyes, his green rather than blue. Supposedly ‘help’ sent from the emergency room in the next town over. Strangely, each person he checked on seemed completely fine as soon as he touched them, as if by some miracle. Not really so much a miracle as a Healer Sprite. Not that they needed to know that.

“Thanks, Frizz…” Flip whispered. “Cas, you’re still taking off work tomorrow or I will re-concuss you for scaring me.”

---------------

Kissing their forehead or cheek

“You’re not going to get me sick. My immune system is mighty and yours is malnourished Human.” Flip insisted. “And if you don’t let me do it my way, I’m getting a rectal thermometer and you’re gonna have an awkward night.”

Flip was not a Fae of idle threats. As long as Castiel had known the Moon Sprite, she was always prepared to follow through on anything she put to the table. He sighed and dropped his hands.

“Fine.”

He waited as patiently as he could for the tiny woman to flutter up and press her lips to his burning forehead.

“One hundred and three,” she reported. “You HAVE to take a fever reducer because you’re going to risk brain damage if it goes any higher.”

“I don’t care for the taste of it…” he complained.

“Dean was right. You are a baby in a trenchcoat.”

-------------

Kissing their neck

“That is very distracting.” Castiel stated.

To all appearances, he was not at all distracted. He carried on writing down instructions from his online doula class as if his Mate was not tenderly working her mouth over the back of his neck and over the curve of his shoulder.

“I’m trying to determine how much time it takes for contractions to start after the mucus plug falls out. If I don’t scan in my notes before nine, my classmates will shun me in the message board.”

Flip paused in her endeavor to give him a deadpan look.

“You’re a real romantic, ne?” she sighed. “Alright. Do your homework. I’m going to go have a soak.”

“I could join you when I am done…” he called after her. “Perhaps you could pick up your affections then?”

“No, I’m warding the door.” Flip laughed, zooming off.

“Do not ward the door.”

“Nuts to you, I’m warding the doooooooor!”

“Mmph. She’s going to ward the door.” Cas grumbled to himself, rolling his eyes as if complaining to someone else in the room. Perhaps the powers that be.

-------------

Kissing them softly on the lips

“Thank you for the assist.” Castiel acknowledged, tilting the case of German beer in a gesture of gratitude.

As he could no longer fly, having his Mate pop overseas via Portal to retrieve a particular brand of beverage was certainly a boon. It would go over well with the Winchesters to bring something that wasn’t off brand from a gas station. Or so he’d assumed.

“Calling in Fairy favors for booze?” Dean asked dubiously. “What’d you trade for that, Cas, a kindergartener?”

“I did not trade a kindergartener for beer, Dean.” Castiel replied with a huff. “I asked that she pick this up for us after work because she was going to be in Germany anyway. Strangely, if you ask people nicely, they will sometimes comply with your requests.”

“How do you know where she’s working on a given night?” Sam puzzled. “You keep in touch that much? Thought you two were like… frienemies. No offense.”

“I have contacts outside of the two of you.” the Angel grumped. “Some of them are still alive. Some of them don’t hate me.”

Knowing that beer and Bonanza night was strictly a guy thing in the bunker, Flip decided to duck the conversation in favor of having a girl’s night elsewhere with Jilomena and Silt. Even with an adopted Human disguise, she didn’t need any further attention drawn to herself outside of a run-down Waffle House.

“Some of them have places to be.” Flip hemmed.

She tipped a finger under Castiel’s chin and softly pressed her lips to his. She then waved farewell before vanishing quite suddenly. Heaven help him.

“Cas... you bangin’ a Fairy?” Dean sputtered.

“The beer is getting warm, Dean. We should go.” Cas evaded, sliding the box into the back seat of the Impala.

“Cas,” Dean insisted. “Cas, what the hell?! When were you gonna tell us that you were off gettin’ a bowl of Lucky Charms in your downtime?!”

“Do you talk about every transient woman you’ve bedded?”

“YES.” Dean slapped a hand on the bumper. “That’s what men DO, we kiss and tell! Tell me about NeverNeverLand!”

For a long moment, Castiel stared from Dean… to Sam… to Dean again.

“Well, I’m not a man. I’m an Angel.” he said finally. He snapped the car door closed and buckled his seatbelt. “And I’m not telling.”

------------

Playfully whacking them with a pillow

“What was that for?” Castiel frowned.

“Don’t worry about it. Continue.” Flip levitated the pillow up off of the floor and resumed her relaxed perch on the back of the couch.

“Um… I was saying that my excuse for being moody was that… I just need a win. I’ve spent so much time consistently screwing things up. The Winchesters have lost faith in me. I am tired of being a disappointment. If-“ PAP! “Nnnnn. You did it again.”

“Did what?” Flip prompted.

“You hit me with a pillow.”

“I did not. I enchanted a pillow to whap you every time you needlessly speak negatively about yourself.” she corrected. “Care to try again?”

Castiel grumbled, but cleared his throat.

“I need to reassure the others that I can be useful again-“ PAP! “I need to fail less.” PAP! “…I am frustrated with the way events have unfolded, and I would like to take steps to improve the situations I’m facing, as best I’m able.”

…No pillow. Flip scooted over and lightly bonked her tiny head against his stubbled cheek.

“As an aside, you can truly be a pest when you’re trying to prove a point.” Castiel mumbled affectionately.

WHAP.

“I didn’t say anything bad about myself.” Cas protested.

“No, that wasn’t the enchantment, that was all me. My whap. How dare you.”

------------

Sneaking up behind them and blowing a raspberry on their neck

“Not yet. The locals seem reluctant to discuss details of the curses associated with the folklore of-“

Pppfffffffhhhhhhhh!

Castiel winced his shoulder up hard with a soft snort. He waved the Fairy away with a shooing motion. She’d have to wait her turn for attention.

“Wh-? No. No, Dean, I did not flatulate in the middle of our call. Someone blew against my neck. It is not of import.” he rolled his eyes up and sighed, handing over the phone. “Dean wants to say hello.”

“Hallo, Dean!” Flip peeped into the receiver.

I knew it! the voice over the phone crowed, followed by some muted words that Castiel could not quite pick up.

“Ah? What about NeverNeverLand?” Flip questioned.

“DO NOT!” Cas interrupted.

----------

Surprise kissing them

(Excerpt from “The Drawing Game”, pre Casip)

“FLIP.” Castiel stated flatly, pushing up to prop one arm over her torso to discourage rolling away. “Did you draw a posterior wearing refined attire on my face?”

“It sounds like something I would do.” she nodded thoughtfully.

“…Why?”

“Why not?” she countered.

Before Castiel could lay out a list of obvious reasons not to draw an ass over someone’s face, Flip tilted up and pecked a tiny kiss to his nose. Eyes wide, Cas pressed himself up and shuffled back away from her in complete alarm. His mouth opened and closed repeatedly like a fish pulled from water as his brain struggled to comprehend what had just happened. Obviously Flip had only done such a thing to shock him. To free herself. He’d seen many such occasions where she relied on surprise to escape various troubles.

“But… but… WHAT…”

“So eloquent. Toodles.” Flip snorted, vanishing away rather than using the door.

Recovery took a moment, but Castiel soon found himself padding into the restroom to scrub the drawing off of his face with one of the rough cloths folded neatly on the sink. Not too difficult to smear out of his faint stubble. He rolled his eyes and sat down on the edge of the bathtub propping one foot on his knee to remove the smiley face and cat drawings as well. Once finished, the other foot was brought up. He squinted at the writing. Enochian. Loosely translated to:

Forgive yourself, my friend.

Castiel slowly lowered his foot back onto the floor without wiping the words away. There was a little heart drawn on the heel that made him wonder if it was a simple embellishment or if maybe an extra sign of affection. He stared at his reflection and touched two fingers to his nose, slightly crossing his eyes to look at a very faint trace of glitter left from her kiss. Had he scrubbed his face too hard, or was that a blush? What a confusing night.

--------

Telling them they love them for the first time

(Excerpt from something I’m not going to post >_>)

“Excuse you???” Flip squeaked, spinning to face him and breaking off the sticking charm.

“You d-deserve to be… loved!” Castiel heaved.

Flip stopped dead and leaned over him, face to face.

“I am loved. People love me. A fair few people love me.” she said seriously. “What’s that got to do with anything, if people love me?”

“I know. I know people love you.” Castiel frowned, breathless. “I’m one of them.”

Flip pulled back fractionally, confusion and panic seizing her Heart. The look in his eyes wasn’t platonic, but neither was it lusty. Castiel had always carried a deep purity to him. But no. She knew that the wisest thing would be to vanish and never come back. Getting overly attached to a mortal always ended poorly for all involved, and whether or not she could find herself caring that way in return was irrelevant.

The silence was suffocating. Still, for whatever reason, Flip did not leave, and Castiel didn’t take back what he said.

(…Jump forward in the story)

He quietly cleared his throat, trying to think of the best way to approach the subject, but Flip kissed the questions away from his lips and pointed up.

Written in soft twinkles above his head were the words

I love you, too.

-----

Tickling them

The last lingering shafts of a Tuesday sunset washed the den in a romantic blush of twilight. Aside from the quiet tick of a grandfather clock, all was silence. When the creak and snap of the front door signaled that Flip had returned from the grocery store with supplies for the week, fully sized up to fake Human proportions. Castiel glanced over his shoulder with a quiet greeting. Lately he had taken to doing impressionist paintings in the evenings after his shifts at the Gas N Sip. It helped keep his mind away from troubling things as he attempted to adjust to Human life.

“That’s a pretty one. Where is it?” Flip rested her chin on his shoulder.

“It’s the Antigua Guatemala Cathedral. It is beautiful when lit up at night.” he replied, eyes soft with memory. “I very much enjoyed visiting it.”

“We could go there. We’ll wait until you get some vacation time in at work, set it up all Human-style.” the Fairy offered.

“I would like that.”

He shifted in place. And then again. Flip tilted her head, wondering if the thought of doing manual travel as opposed to Magical or Celestial made him uncomfortable to come to terms with. Then it became clear that he was trying to cope with an itch.

“Let me.” Flip scoffed, rucking the maroon sweater up and taking her nails to his upper back. “Better?”

“Yes, thank you. I have paint on my hands… new clothes. Ah… little lower, please. Lower. Good.”

“Why didn’t you wear something you could mess up?”

“I didn’t want to mess anything up.” Castiel explained. “The clothes will last longer if I care for them properly and I khhh! Wait!”

Flip rolled her eyes and did not wait. She let her nails dance and slide across his ribs and belly, nuzzling her nose against his neck. He twitched and wiggled against her, choked with quiet laughter as his hands fought the instinct to make a grab for anything lest it stain.

“Flippiti-hin, the PAI-heh-nt!” he squirmed. “Flip!”

“Yes, it’s a lovely painting, we covered that.” Flip nodded, carrying on.

“PleEEase re-f! Refrain! I can’t t-“ he tried again, sinking to the ground to attempt escape, even if logically he knew that she would follow him down. Which, of course she did.

“You know, in those hymnals you leave laying around, whenever it says refrain, it means repeat. Considering your background, that’s the definition I’ll assume you’re going for.” Flip laughed along with her Mate’s hysterics. “You’re mated with a Fairy. You’re getting tickles. It’s the law.”

When she reached out for a tickly grab to his thigh, playful squirming changed to no not there panic and a paint-covered hand flailed out to shove Flip’s arm away. She paused and looked at the blue smear on her forearm.

“That’s my favorite arm, I’ll have you know.” she advised cooly.

Without waiting a beat, Castiel was off, pounding through the house at top speed with Flip hot on his heels. By the end of it, they were both coated in paint splotches, breathless on the kitchen floor.

“You got paint everywhere in this house. I hope you’re happy.” Flip mock-reprimanded, idly picking at a wet patch of green on her shirt.

Castiel gave her a sheepish half smile and gently touched a matching shade of green to her nose.

“I am~”

-----

Waking them up by holding them and playing with their hair

It was unclear exactly how long he’d been out. His Vessel ached straight down to his Grace. Strangely, there was one pleasant feeling mixed in with all the unsettling pain. The last thing he remembered was getting slammed away with a banishing ward. It had been one of the most heavy duty ones he’d ever come across.

“How did you find me?” he squinted up at his Mate, shifting his head in her lap.

“I looked.” Flip shrugged, outwardly not belaying any true concern.

She continued to card her hands through his hair, mindlessly clinging to the only thing she could think of to soothe him. Her healing powers had never been particularly polished, and she knew it would be a bad idea to even attempt it.

For now, this was fine. He turned his head and pressed a kiss to her belly, waiting for his own healing factors to pick up the slack. It would take a little while. Considering how lovely her nails felt across his scalp, Castiel was not particularly fussed with the idea of having to be patient.

[supernatural-book]

Flaws

Summary: Reader is upset and avoiding Castiel because she believes there is no way he could possibly love her and all her flaws. So a certain angel decides to show her something quite personal.

A/N: Had to edit this because something happened to the original where it said FAILED TO PARSE or smth. Anyway, its exactly the same story, just re-edited because of some f-up.

It was funny, really.

Okay, maybe not. It was funny in the sad but predictable way, like in a movie when a girl falls in love and knows that there's no possible way that she and her crush can be together, so she just laughs it off. But underneath the laughter, her self esteem is dropping to extremes, and she's wondering if she's even good enough in the first place.

It was sad. And that's exactly what was happening to you.

It's been a few years now since you and the boys met Cas, a few years of happiness, sadness, death, and experiences. And you were hopelessly in love with the angel. It was terrible, and you knew. Angels can’t feel human emotions, so they cant have crushes. They can’t fall in love. So there is no way anything would ever happen between you. The boys knew about your petty crush as well, and Dean would tease you relentlessly about it whenever you were even remotely close to Cas. And when you were with him, you had to try your hardest to keep your mind from wandering to thoughts of him, in fear he would look into your head.  You and Cas were friends, sure, but he seemed to see it as if you were just another human- nothing special.

Nothing special at all.

Of course you were nothing compared to him. He was a divine being, an angel, made directly by God. He had no flaws- completely perfect in every way. You, on the other hand, were a mere human. Weak and stupid compared to him. You weren't even that great by human standards.

You sat in the bunker’s library, flipping through the worn pages of a lore book on angels. Not for any case with the boys, but just to read more about what Castiel was.

“Though some break these rules, angels are forbidden from coming in contact with humans, if not by God's command, let alone form a relationship with them.” You sighed. Castiel was already risking his safety by being in contact with you and the Winchesters. There was no way you could ask him to risk himself even more just to make you happy. “I wonder where Castiel is right now…”

“What are you reading?” you jumped at the deep voice, spinning around and grabbing for your gun on instinct. Your stance dropped when you met Castiel's curious blue gaze. You sighed.

“Oh my God, Cassie, you scared me!” you smiled when he glances aside shyly at the nickname. “Don't appear unannounced like that.”

"I apologize. I will try not to do it again.” he looked truly despondent, not able to meet your eyes. You laughed softly and sat back down.

“It's fine Cas, really.” His face lit up, and he sat down at the table across from you, squinting at the pile of books stacked in front of you.

“What are you reading?”

“Ah… um…” you discreetly pulled the book closer to you, trying to hide the cover from his eyes. “I'm researching for a case.” You cursed yourself in your mind. That must have sounded like the least believable thing you've ever said. And he seemed to notice too, cocking his head to the side and raising his eyebrows in a knowing look, as if asking ‘Really?’. You dropped your eyes, not able to hold his beautiful, ocean blue gaze.

“(Y/N). I know you're lying.” Your face flushed, glancing up at him as he pulled the pile of books towards him. “‘Angel Lore’? Celestial and Divine Beings’?” He looked up at you with a confused look, and you immediately looked away, feeling extremely embarrassed. “(Y/N). If you wanted to know more about angels, you could have just asked me.” when you hesitated, he continued. “You've been avoiding me. Did I do something?”

“No! I just… didn't want to bother you. There's a lot going on right now, I know.  We're all busy.”

“That's not why you've been avoiding me.” He leaned in closer. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing!” He gave you the look again. “It's not important. I just… didn't want to waste your time on something like this. You have much more important things to be doing than talking to some lousy, flawed human like me.”

“You're not lousy, and your flaws are unimportant.” You looked up, catching his stern gaze. You didn't expect him to answer so passionately. “If I thought you were just ‘some lousy human’ would I have shown up as soon as I heard you thinking about me? And would be constantly watching over you if I thought you were unimportant?”

“You watch over me?”

“Of course I do.” he held your eyes for a few seconds, and continued when he realized you weren't going to respond. “I find humans… incredibly complicated. You're quite interesting. But you get hurt very easily, so I've been watching over you in case you find yourself in danger.”

“How long?”

“Ever since we've met. I've spent every free moment I have watching you, or listening for you to say my name.” You blushed. It was really cute that he was watching over you, but if he was constantly listening to your thoughts, did he hear you thinking about him constantly?

“That kinda a huge invasion of my privacy.”

“I'm sorry.” once again, his expression looked like a kicked puppy.

“Its fine. It's actually really sweet.” Castiel smiled, a beautiful sight, and folded his hands on the table in front of him.

“Well, if you want to ask me any questions, go ahead.”  

“Well, um...“ You, still blushing at what Castiel had admitted, looked down at your book, eyes landing on a chart about different ranks. “What rank of angel are you?”

“When I was still solely aligned to Heaven alone, I was a Seraph.” You noticed his back straighten, and could only imagine that his wings were flexing as well, probably with pride. And proud he should be.

“Wow.” A Seraph is one of the highest ranks of angels, just under Archangels. You paused for a moment, eyes glancing around his vessel, wondering what human body could contain all that pure grace and holiness. “And now?”

“Now… It's very complicated. I don't have a rank, as I am no longer aligned solely with Heaven as are other angels. Though I still possess the same abilities as a Seraph would.”

“Huh… I can't think of anything to ask…”  Actually, you could. One thing that you were sure he was going to decline. But as you held the blue in his eyes, something comforted you, giving you false confidence.  “Cassie, can I see your wings?” Cas looked taken aback by the question, eyes widening and shifting in his seat slightly. Damn it, (Y/N), you've made him uncomfortable! “I'm sorry, I've completely over stepped, haven't I? Wings are a very personal thing for angels, aren't they?” he shifted and shrugged slightly.

“I suppose they are. But I trust you. I can show them to you, (Y/N).” You smiled, and he stood up, walking over to you. “Just… not here.”

“What do you mean?” Before you could get an answer, you felt him tap your forehead, and suddenly you weren't in the bunker. In the blink of an eye, you were in a field somewhere unknown. “Where are we?”  

“Not to far from the bunker. But this way, I can fully spread my wings out.” You smiled, feeling a little bit giddy at the fact that you were about to see his wings. Cas hesitated, shifting his weight. “I'm sorry. I've never shown my true wings to any human.”

“Take your time.” He took a deep breath.

“Close your eyes. My grace will be overwhelming, and I don't want to hurt your eyes.” You nodded and closed your eyes, and you heard a soft rustling. Suddenly, there was a blinding light, and even with  your eyes closed you could feel it. You brought your hands up and dug your the heels of your palms into your eyes, trying to block it out. After a few seconds, you heard a faint fluttering sound and heard a low “You can look now.” You opened your eyes and looked up slowly, taking in every moment.

Standing before you, Cas had removed his coat and shirt so that he could properly reveal his wings. At any other time, you would have admired his vessel’s body, but right now, you had better things on your mind. Sprouting from his shoulder blades were two huge wings- so dark that you felt as if you were staring off the edge of an abyss. Why were they so black? Surely angels of the Lord are supposed to have white wings- being pure, celestial beings. You took a step closer, examining each individual feather that made up his strong wings. They moved softly in the breeze, though he looked quite tense and shy. His face was turned towards the ground almost in embarrassment, red coating his cheeks. “You don't have to be embarrassed.” He seemed to relax a little bit, adjusting his wings out ever so slightly, and you watched in awe as his wings stretched out, moving smoothly- as if they were liquid.

“(Y/N), come closer.” Cas spoke up, lifting his head to look at you. You obeyed hesitantly, stepping closer to his wings. Castiel looked deep into your eyes, and moved his wings closer to you, as if wrapping them around you. “Do you see all the scars?” You looked closer, and in fact did see quite a bit of discoloration and lack of featheriness scattered around his wings. You grimaced, not liking the idea of Castiel in pain. You looked up to him with concern across your face.

“What happened?”

“Each of those scars, (Y/N)...” He held eye contact with you, trying to make a point. “Each one is the result of the mistakes I've made.” You lifted your hand as if you were about to touch them, but stopped yourself before you could make him more uncomfortable. In response, his wing curled into your hand, signalling that you were- in fact- aloud to touch them, Your fingers rand gently over the feathers, which were much softer than you’d imagined. Despite their size, it was hard to imagine that these delicate, feathery limbs were able to carry him through time, space and dimensions. ”Earlier you were feeling insecure about yourself and your flaws. Well, I want you to know that everyone has flaws.”

“Even angels…” You whispered in a trance like state, running your finger tips over his scars.

“Even angels, the highest, most divine of beings even have their insecurities. I’ve killed many- both angels and humans alike. I’ve betrayed Heaven more times than I can count.” He smiled at you, eyes glistening with a hint of melancholy, and lifted a hand to lay on your shoulder. “Your flaws are nothing to be ashamed of, (Y/N). They make you who you are. In fact, many things you believe to be flaws, other people absolutely love about you.”

“No way.”

“Of course. I can see what people think of you. And personally…” He raised his hand again to touch your cheek. “I have been captivated by your soul from the moment I met you.” You flushed, not knowing how to respond. Angels can’t have human emotions, can they? And even then… “I’ve been on Earth long enough to have… picked up on human emotions, and I’m quite certain that I’m in love with you.” Your mouth dropped open almost dramatically.

“But… you’re an angel and I’m a human.”

“And Heaven surely won’t take me back after this. But, it’s only right for you to know how I feel.” You smiled softly, still in shock that he had actually confessed. He pulled his wings in closer to you, enveloping you in a warm embrace with his arms as well, and lay a soft kiss against your forehead as your hands continued to caress his soft feathers. “I won’t allow you to bring yourself down anymore. I won’t allow anyone or anything to hurt you, including your own mind. Because your flaws are beautiful, (Y/N). You are a masterpiece. Truly the best of all of my father’s creations.”

“I love you too, Cassie.”

Taglist!:

@music-lockscreen, @bella-ca, @solis200213, @thecurlyhairedwinchester, @thespiritintheshadows, @lauuerodz

[blacklacefanfics]

Dean’s Vow

Summary: Cas is very blunt. He has no trouble telling his still semi-new boyfriend Dean what he likes. Well.... except for that.

Warnings: ticklish!cas

Word count: 2,694

Genre: Fluff, mentions of smut, College!Au

AO3 Link

~

There were few things Castiel expected to be surprised by when it came to finally being in a real relationship.

Of course, he expected the usual- going on dates, texts flooding his phone while he was in lecture, the occasional gift of coffee for study sessions because his boyfriend knew how much he needed it to survive. A lot of those things- to Castiel, at least- were a given in a healthy relationship. What he did not expect was how much everything seemed to affect him so deeply.

Dean took him on dates to places like the on-campus art exhibit, even if he found them boring, because Cas was a fine art major. The flood of texts was usually either a barrage of memes or Dean totally-pretending-not-to-pine because he was missing Cas that morning. The coffee always came black with two sugars, just to his taste.

He almost didn’t admit how much even the increasingly-sappy nicknames made his insides feel all glowy. Dean had merely called him “darlin” oh-so casually one day a couple weeks into their two-month relationship, and Cas hadn’t stopped thinking about it for weeks. It took a small get together of friends, slightly too much alcohol, and alone time for Cas to say just how much he liked it. Being the (adorably) annoying boyfriend he was, Dean now went out of his way to call Cas anything ridiculously gushy, from “angel cakes” to “sugar plum”.

Still, Cas couldn’t bring himself to ignore the butterflies that erupted every time Dean shot him a taunting smirk and some horrible nickname.

It took three months into the relationship for them to finally get around to the physical intimacy. Dean was worried that Cas was fragile, and Cas had sternly told him that he just wanted to punch his v-card already so they can just enjoy the sex together from then on.

Dean hadn’t given in that night, but still managed to later on make their first night together romantic. There was dinner, and a movie, and it was more cliche than Cas would ever expect Dean Winchester being. It was sweet and gentle, though, and he could appreciate that.

It wasn’t until their third time together that Dean seemed to loosen up a bit. Things were more casually moving forward, and the experience in general was a lot more smooth and less frazzled nerves seemed to be present.

Things were rougher, too, and Cas was gasping as Dean thrust into him again. Cas reached up to grab at something, but Dean grabbed his wrists with a growl and pinned them down on either side of his head. Cas locked eyes with the darkened green eyes as Dean leaned down and said “you’re mine”, sending ripples of chills down his spine as he threw his head back with a moan. They both finished soon after, and Castiel rolled himself on Dean- kissing and running his hands through his hair. Dean was worrying his lip and asking “was that okay?” and Castiel was having none of it.

“God, yes, that was more than okay.”

Cas was blunt, that much was true. He had always been like that (much to the chagrin of his brothers), but he figured it was always better to be upfront about your feelings than to play games around them.

He could tell Dean appreciated his bluntness. His boyfriend grew up in a rough life, with a tough father, and Cas could see the self-doubt overwhelm him. Cas thought it better to say directly how he felt about things with Dean especially- if only to make sure the doubt had no fighting chance.

So aside from the teasing and the taunting that came from Dean whenever Cas was upfront about something he liked or appreciated, it was obviously a front. This could be evidenced by how quickly Dean would start doing whatever it seemed Castiel liked just to make him a little happier.

Cas tried not to abuse the power- he really did- but sometimes it was really, really hard to resist. While he didn’t watch films very often, the films he did enjoy watching happened to be really bad romance films. It absolutely wasn’t about the soppy romance, but rather just how laughable the cliche storylines and character backstories were. It just happened to be a hilarious added bonus that Dean could barely stomach them.

This sort of led him to where he is tonight, snuggled up to Dean’s side on his double bed with a bowl of popcorn on Dean’s lap and the laptop on his. He was lucky to have gotten one of the few single dorms.

“So, what’re we watching tonight?” Dean mumbled through a handful of popcorn shoved in his mouth. Cas made a face.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Dean, it’s rude. And we’re watching the Vow.” Cas clicked the video on his laptop, pointedly ignoring the groan of displeasure coming from his left.

“Why are we watching some kitschy romance film? I was thinking more like Avengers or Captain America.”

“You just have a crush on Chris Evans, you dork.” Cas smirked at him, and Dean blushed.

“Do not.” He grumbled and Cas nudged him with his shoulder.

“Come on- it’ll be gross and sappy and we can laugh at it. I promise that you’ll like it… or hate it so much that your gut hurts from laughing. Win-win.”

“Fine, fine.” Dean waved him away flippantly, but a small smile graced his features. “Whatever my angel wants, he gets.”

Cas beamed at the new warmth that settled over him as the movie started.

Surprisingly, there was very little commentary that came from either of them once the movie plot was settled in. They first waited until something came up for which they could mock into the next century or a plot hole that didn’t make sense, but Cas himself found it hard to be distracted. It was surprisingly, at least a little bit, enjoyable. It was hard not to enjoy it when Dean’s arm had snaked its way around him to pull him in at one point.

He glanced up at Dean for a moment. He could appreciate the way the glow of the screen reflected off his boyfriend’s long lashes. Dean’s eyes flicked over to him.

“What?” He asked.

“Liking the movie?” Cas asked with a quirk of his lips.

Dean huffed a laugh. “No way. It’s way too mushy.”

Cas pouted.

“Maybe you’re just bitter because it reminds you of how sappy you are to me.”

“Oh my god, it’s so us.” Dean’s voice raised an octave as he mocked and Cas inhaled a piece of popcorn as he coughed out a laugh.

Between his coughing fit and Dean looking on in amusement, Cas glanced back at the movie. They had just reached the part where Paige was shoving away her sculpture in frustration. Cas had barely just finished choking when he inhaled sharply again and he stiffened from what followed.

On screen, the character Leo was tickling and kissing Paige until she was falling to the floor in giggles.

Cas was aware that to anyone else, the scene was nothing big- but a floodgate of feelings overtook him to remind him of the itch he could never scratch, and he was suddenly reminded of the one thing he could never bring himself to be blunt about.

He definitely had a thing for tickling.

More specifically, he had a thing for the concept of being taken apart bit by bit by his ruggedly handsome boyfriend as he was helpless to stop the pseudo-torture.

“Cas? You okay?”

Cas jolted and whipped his head around to look at Dean.

“WhatyeahImfinewhy?” He rushed out, trying to even his heart rate.

“I don’t know, you suddenly got all tense on me. You sure you don’t feel sick or something?”

“Dean, I’m fine.” He insisted slightly too harshly, pointedly staring at the laptop screen without really looking at it. He could see Dean turn to look back at the movie and he let out a breath.

Cas wished he could tell him, but that would require a lot of inevitable stammering and embarrassment on his part at the bare minimum. There was no telling how bad or good it’d go after that, what with Dean’s habit of turning most things into a joke. Would Dean even take it seriously? If he didn’t, Cas would be humiliated. But if he did and still scoffed at it… well, that’d be downright mortifying. It really could only play out as a lose-lose.

It took a moment too long for Castiel to relax back into Dean’s arm (who thankfully didn’t comment), but the scene still played over in his head and he was far too conscious about how close Dean’s fingers were to his ribs. He forced himself to relax finally, pushing his feelings and doubts aside. They could be dealt with another day.

Except, whatever divine being that existed out there clearly hated him, because Leo’s character just had to casually mention about the other character “she likes being tickled”. Apparently, it was extremely amusing to find any way to make Cas squirm uncomfortably.

Dean didn’t bother saying anything, but Cas did see him shift his gaze over. He prayed the redness of his face was shielded by the darkness of his room as he met Dean’s eyes. Dean narrowed his eyes for a moment, glanced back at the movie, and finally settled back on him.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean said, sitting up a bit straighter. He reached behind them to switch on the table lamp, filling the room with a soft, warm light and dropped his arm back around his boyfriend.

“Y-Yeah?” Cas responded. He hopped Dean didn’t notice how his voice only barely squeaked out.

They seemed to stare at each other for forever, almost daring the other to break the silence. Cas swallowed thickly.

A sudden squeeze on his right side surprised Cas, who choked on a breath and instinctively retreated into Dean on his left. He snapped his eyes up to Dean- this time, a predatory smirk rested on his face.

“I think I just realized something, angel.”

It took less than a second for Cas to process those words before he attempted to spring out of bed and make a run for it. Unfortunately, Dean saw that coming from a mile away and immediately yanked him back to the bed, throwing himself on top to straddle his boyfriend. He shut the laptop and placed it on the desk.

“For safekeeping.” He grinned down at Cas. He grabbed his wrists and forced them down on either side of his head.

“Get your lead butt off of me!!” Cas struggled, yanking on his arms.

“Now, now, my sweet Casserole- that’s no way to talk in your position.” Dean leaned down, pressing his forehead to Cas’s, who stilled for a bit to breath heavily. “Before I absolutely destroy you, can I at least make sure my assumptions are correct? Because if they are, you are officially the cutest guy on the face of this planet, hands down.”

He was doing well until Dean’s promise to ‘destroy’ him, and suddenly anxious giggles bubbled out of him. That was apparently the only validation Dean needed, because suddenly both wrists were being held above him with one hand and Dean’s other hand was sweeping under the bottom of his shirt.

“Wahahait, wait, Dean, wait!”

“What exactly am I waiting for?” Dean grinned, leaning back. He swept his fingers across his stomach with lightness that had Cas sucking in. He swept his fingers back, and repeated the motion over and over again.

The touch was maddening. Not because it was too much- rather, it lit up Cas’s nerves until he was nearly squirming into the touch, already craving to be driven to hysterics.

Dean quickly caught on, and lightened his touch even more.

“Aw, I see. You want me to tickle you until you’re begging for mercy. Is that right?”

Despite the internal war of “yes please already!” and “no way we can still get out of this” going on in Castiel’s mind, he mustered up a completely non-threatening glare. Dean laughed.

“Don’t say I never did anything nice for you.”

Castiel’s world exploded into tiny electric zaps that sourced from the now two hands vibrating into his ribs.

“NAHAHAHAHA DEHEHEHEHEAN!” He shrieked, flailing his now-free hands around until he grabbed at Dean’s sleeves.

“Yeeees, dear?” Dean teased, adjusting his fingers to the different pressure points on his boyfriend’s ribs until he was jerking violently from a particularly bad spot.

“PLEHEHEHEHE- AH! NOHOHOHO!” Cas arched up as the fingers crawled further north on his body, clearly exploring for more trigger points.

“No? You hiding a tickle spot from me, sweetheart?” Dean grinned at how Cas’s face seemed to redden. “Oh, you don’t like hearing me say ‘tickle spot’, do you?” Cas shook his head violently, pushing on Dean’s hands as they continued to crawl. “Well, I’m just going to say that I think I know what tickle spot you’re hiding from me, and I’m going to tickle you there until you’re giggling and you’re stuck here for as loooooong as I want to tickle you.”

Dean’s monologue was absolutely, completely unfair and it didn’t matter how much it pushed so many of Castiel’s buttons in all the right ways.

Thankfully, Dean stopped his fingers just under Cas’s armpits to allow him a moment to take in some much-needed oxygen. He loosened his grip on Dean’s wrists, using one hand to scrub down his horribly flushed face.

He could feel Dean scooting up on him, choosing instead to sit on his stomach with his knees up in Castiel’s armpits.

“I’m going to explode from how cute you are, you know.”

Cas peeked through his fingers up at Dean. He had no ground at this point to for a nasty stare at his boyfriend.

“Don’t mock me, Dean.” He sighed.

“I’m not, Cas. Listen.” Dean grabbed Cas’s hand up to his lips, kissing the back tenderly. “It’s not weird to like this at all. I promise. I just think the way you look like a tomato and trip over your words when you’re being teased is way off the cute-o-meter.”

Cas rolled his eyes lovingly.

“Oh, is that a scientifically-verified meter?”

“You know it.” Dean shot him a toothy smile. “Can I be cheesy for a second?”

“You mean like normal? Sure.”

Dean reached behind him to poke Cas on his stomach to silence him.

“In the spirit of what previously was our film for tonight, I’m making a vow to you, Castiel.” Dean cleared his throat, resting his hand over his heart. “I vow to always call you a stupid petname. I vow to always drag you with me to all those stupid frat parties you hate going to, but only because I love having you by my side. I vow to always only put two sugars in your coffee because you’re a spoilsport when I prank you with salt instead.” Cas stuck his tongue out at Dean, and Dean poked his nose. “And I promise to tickle you to death every single day.”

“To death?!” Cas laughed, swatting away Dean’s hand.

“Fine- then just until you’re a proper giggle puddle.” Dean laughed, stroking his thumb down Castiel’s cheek lovingly.

“That… that sounds good.” Cas said shyly, looking up at Dean through his lashes with a bashful smile.

“Good, I’m glad you approve~” Dean said. His thumb stroked down Cas’s jaw, and he added in a couple more fingers as they started heading towards his armpit. “-because I’m not done for today.”

Cas immediately burst back into giggles, trying to lower his arms. Dean’s knees, however, prevented any sort of protection and his laughter already increased tenfold from the realization as he hid his face in his hands instead.

“Oh, didn’t you realize? I’ve been tickling Sammy since the kid was born. I’m an expert in making sure you never escape.” Dean shot him one more wicked smirk before digging his fingers right into Castiel’s worst spot and making him scream out in laughter.

[kpothoof]

Count: ~2k

Fandom: Supernatural

Characters: Sam Winchester (whumpee), Castiel

Prompt: Stumbling and Staggering

Other Tropes: Stabbing, bleeding through the bandages, stitches

AO3

Get your card @badthingshappenbingo

This is my first ever fanfic, so let me know what you think! I am also taking requests, so if there’s something specific you want me to write, just ask.

Castiel flipped open the phone that was buzzing in his pocket.

“Cas? It’s Sam.” His voice had a strained quality to it. Cas could hear the shallow breaths disrupting his speech.

“Hello Sam,” said Cas in his typical monotone. “Are you alright?”

“No, actually, I could really use your help. Dean’s two states over chasing a lead on Crowley, otherwise I’d call him, but…can you meet me?”

“Where are you?”

The first thing Cas noticed when he landed in the run-down barn was the body that lay sprawled across the doorway. The second was the pitchfork currently pinning Sam to the wall.

“Sam!” He hurried to reach the wall against which Sam leaned, dodging two more bodies as he did so.

Sam slowly raised his head. “Hey, Cas,” he said weakly.

Cas took a closer look at the pitchfork and the wound on Sam’s side. Three of the pitchfork’s prongs were lodged in the wall, but the fourth prong went completely through the muscle just below Sam’s ribs before lodging itself in the wood behind him. It looked like all of Sam’s energy was going towards keeping himself upright. “What happened?”

“Demons,” he groaned, nodding towards the three bodies on the floor. “They were about to do some kind of ritual, so I stopped them, but not before…” He gestured helplessly to the pitchfork. “Think you can get it out?”

“I believe so,” said Cas, his fingers lightly tracing over the wound. “I have to pull it all the way out of you before I can move you, but I should be able to fly you to safety before you lose too much blood.”

“Just do it,” urged Sam through clenched teeth, his fists tightly pressed against the wall.

Cas put both hands on the handle of the pitchfork. He planted his feet, took a (completely unnecessary) deep breath, and pulled.

“Gaaahh!” cried Sam as he fell to his knees, his hand immediately pressing at the flesh between the two ends of the puncture wound, which was now bleeding freely.

“Sorry,” said Cas as he quickly tossed the offending pitchfork. He snatched a blue bandana from a nearby workbench and handed it to Sam. “This should slow the bleeding temporarily.”

Sam pressed the bandana to his side. “It’s fine,” he hissed. “I’m fine, Cas, can you just get me to my hotel room so I can patch this up?”

“Of course,” he replied, placing his hand on Sam’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, preparing to take flight. Then he stopped. Something was very wrong.

Cas frowned. “Something is wrong with my wings,” he said. “I seem to be unable to transport us out of here. I’m not sure what’s causing it.” He tried to stretch out his wings again, his shoulders tense. “It’s as if something is pulling me down, like my wings are soaked in tar.”

Sam pulled himself upright, leaning heavily on the wall as he did so. “If I had to guess, I’d say we have the demons to thank,” he said, nodding towards the far end of the barn.

Cas turned and saw what looked like the remains of an altar, now toppled on its side, herbs and bones spilling into the dirt and hay around it. Behind the altar were several complex sigils spray painted onto the wall, one of which caught his attention.

“Angelus Fundati,” said Cas. “The Grounded Angel. I believe I have seen this spell used before. I estimate that it will be at least five hours before I can fly anywhere.” He awkwardly rolled his shoulders, wincing in discomfort.

“Well,” said Sam, looking down at where his hand was still holding the bandana to his wound, “At the rate this is bleeding, I don’t think sitting and waiting is an option. It’s only a couple miles back into town, and the guy I rescued took the only car, so…better get moving.” Sam pushed away from the wall, nearly stumbling into Cas as he did so.

“It’s two-and-a-half miles to your motel,” responded Cas, dipping under Sam’s free arm to steady the wounded hunter. “Are you certain you can walk that far?”

“Do you have a better idea?” countered Sam. He took a deep, steadying breath. “Let’s go.”

They slowly lumbered their way out of the barn and onto the rough gravel road leading back into town. Cas stared distantly at the crops and fields lining the narrow road ahead, trying his hardest to focus on guiding Sam forward and not on the quiet grunts and pants Sam made as they hit each dip and ridge in the uneven gravel.

“Hey Cas,” Sam said, startling Cas out of his reverie, “did you know that when cows graze, they always line up perfectly with the magnetic poles? They don’t even need the sun or a landmark, they just…know.” He turned to face Cas. “Why do you think they do that?”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “You want to discuss bovine physiology?”

“Not particularly,” Sam half shrugged, wincing as he stumbled over a thicker tuft of grass, “but distraction is an effective tool for managing pain and suppressing shock, so I’ll take what I can get.”

“I see,” said Cas, eyes scanning the path for more obstacles. “You seem to be very knowledgeable about healing and medicine,” he prompted.

“Comes with the territory, I guess,” said Sam indifferently. “If you’re gonna fight monsters, you have to be ready to deal with whatever happens. I mean, it’s not like we can just magically heal ourselves every time we—”

Sam’s mouth snapped shut. Cas kept his gaze forward, saying nothing. A breeze rustled through the tall grass. Cas thought he heard an owl hooting in the distance.

“Cas, I’m sorry,” said Sam, abruptly breaking the tense silence.

“For what, Sam?”

“For dragging you into this,” he replied. “Not just this, here, on this road, but for dragging you into the mess that I made.” Sam’s eyes had taken on a glazed quality, and a layer of sweat glistened on his face. “Lucifer…the Apocalypse…” He sighed before continuing. “You were a soldier, Cas. An angel…and now you’re stuck down here…” He swallowed hard. His gaze dropped to the ground as his words trailed off.

Cas stared intently at him for several long moments, taking in Sam’s pained, almost broken expression. “Sam…” he finally responded, “I was not forced into following you and your brother. I chose it.” He thought back to what a good, obedient soldier he used to be and shuddered internally. “I much prefer the company of humans over angels, with all of their strengths and weaknesses.”

Sam and Cas lapsed into silence as they continued their slow amble down the dark, vacant road. Cas, lost in his own thoughts, almost failed to notice the extra weight as Sam leaned more onto his shoulder with each passing step. Cas quickly tightened his grip around Sam’s waist, but the abrupt jostling pressed a groan out of Sam.

“Cas…” breathed Sam. His knees shook for a moment, halting his progress, then gave out under him altogether.

Cas turned to face Sam, then dropped into a crouch next to his kneeling form. “Let me see,” he ordered.

Sam, who had been resolutely pressing into his side, now pulled his hand away with bloody, trembling fingers. The bandana that had once been bright blue was now completely red, soaked with warm, sticky blood.

“How’s it looking?” asked Sam, no longer able to keep his weariness from his voice.

Cas swallowed. “We are less than a mile from your motel,” he evaded. “Sam, are you sure you can—”

“I’ll be fine, Cas,” Sam interrupted. “I just need a minute to catch my breath.” He clumsily rolled himself down until he was in a half sitting, half reclining position, then returned the sopping bandana to its former position on his abdomen. His pale hand stood out even more against the crimson blood, which had stained Sam’s shirt all the way down to the hemline of his jeans.

“Are you certain it is just blood loss affecting you?” asked Cas tentatively.

“What else could it be?”

Cas hesitated. “Is there a possibility…that you are experiencing withdrawal symptoms?”

Sam swallowed. “You mean from demon blood?”

Cas nodded.

Sam’s face played out a dozen different emotions before smoothing over into a commendable poker face. “No, Cas,” he sighed. “No withdrawal. Just your normal, everyday blood loss.”

“Are you certain?” pushed Cas. “Is it possible that you accidentally ingested a small amount, in the heat of battle, perhaps—”

“It wouldn’t have been possible,” interrupted Sam, “because I had my mouth taped shut.” He lowered his head, staring at his bloodied hands. “I put the duct tape on before I even entered the barn.”

Cas’s eyebrow rose the tiniest fraction of an inch. His head tilted slightly. “You don’t…” He trailed off, quite unsure what he was even trying to ask.

“I usually don’t need to do it when I’m with Dean,” Sam continued, his head still bowed, “but when I’m hunting demons alone…” He slowly clenched and opened his fist. “I just can’t take the risk.”

Cas shook his head, starting over. “There wasn’t any method that would have been more…”

“More what, Cas? Hygienic? Comfortable? More strategic, maybe, than walking into a den of demons while gagged, with only a recorded exorcism and a tiny dagger and no backup?”

Cas latched onto the last question out of the dozens of inquiries flying through his head. “Why did you go in without backup?” he asked.

“No time,” Sam replied. “They would have killed that guy before anyone else could get there. The tape was risky, but I needed to do it.” Sam’s face twisted into an angry grimace. “I’d rather die than become…that…again.”

Cas leaned forward, hoping to catch Sam’s eye. “You handicapped yourself in a high-risk situation just to avoid ingesting more demon blood?” he asked. “That was very dangerous.”

“You don’t say,” said Sam, oozing sarcasm as he adjusted his makeshift bandage.

The crinkle between Cas’s eyebrows deepened as he frowned. “Was it worth it?” he asked softly.

Sam’s head snapped up as he finally met Cas’s gaze with his own. They stared at each other for several long seconds. Sam’s pale lips tightened, and his eyes, in that moment, seemed as old as those of a millennia old angel.

Then, without warning, he looked back down at his hand again, looking quite human again, and sighed. “It’s no more than I deserve,” he muttered, more to himself than to Cas. “Not after what I’ve done.”

Cas bowed his own head, thinking back to all of the terms his fellow angels had used to describe Sam Winchester. Lucifer’s vessel. The boy with the demon blood. The abomination. How could these words possibly describe the sad, selfless hunter who was doing arguably more than anyone else in the battle for humanity? Dean Winchester may have been the Righteous Man for his role in breaking the first seal, but no one who actually knew Sam Winchester could say that he deserved such a title any less.

After a few more minutes of silence, Cas helped pull Sam to his feet, ready for the final leg of their arduous journey. Sam leaned very heavily against Cas, who did his best to take as much of Sam’s weight onto himself as possible. Their movements were slower than earlier, but steady enough that they reached the hotel just half an hour later.

It took Sam a few tries to unlock the motel room door, his hands weak and shaking from shock and blood loss. The pair stumbled into the pitch-black room. As Cas turned on a light to look for supplies, Sam dragged himself to the far bed and half collapsed, half rolled himself on top of the duvet.

“In my bag,” muttered Sam, his eyes only partially open, “there’s a first aid kit. Can you…” he winced as he pointed, “bring it over here?”

Cas rushed over to Sam’s duffel, pulled out the white plastic case and placed it on the nightstand by Sam’s head. “What do I do?”

“Just hand me the needle and thread,” said Sam, his words now badly slurred. “I’ll take care of it. You’ve done enough.”

“Sam,” Cas sighed, “you are not well enough to do this yourself right now. Just talk me through it. You have more medical knowledge than I do.”

“Cas, you don’t…you don’t have to stay. You’ve done more than enough just by getting me here.” Sam’s shining hazel eyes stood out starkly against his sweaty, pale skin.

“You could die if I don’t take care of you,” stated Cas bluntly. “And even if you were not in mortal peril, I would not leave.”

Sam made a sound that was a combination of a disbelieving scoff and a sigh of relief but put up no further protest. He carefully peeled off his flannel shirt, as well as the T-shirt beneath, then sagged against the lumpy pillows.

“You’ll need to start by cleaning the area around the entry and exit wounds.”

Cas worked slowly and methodically, glad that Sam was still lucid enough to give instructions. Soon enough, Sam had enough alcohol in him to slightly dull the pain, but not quite enough to stop the pained grunts any time Cas’s inexperienced hands stumbled. “You are a good man, Sam Winchester,” he commented as he tied up the last stitch on the wound. “After all of my time with the angels, living so far away from humanity, I am glad that you and your brother have shown me the goodness that humans have to offer.”

If Sam had been a little more clear-headed, he might have responded with his usual protests and apologies, and he would have tried his hardest to convince Cas that he was wrong. As it was, Sam’s brain was moving far too slowly, thanks to the blood loss and the beer he had drunk. He choked out a short “Thanks, Cas,” before laying his head back down, his body noticeably more relaxed.

The two men were saved from continuing their conversation by the shrill ringing of Sam’s phone now sitting on the nightstand. Cas looked down at Sam’s semi-conscious form and the name Dean displayed on the phone’s screen, then picked it up to answer it.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Cas?” came Dean’s surprised voice. “Where’s Sam? Is he okay?”

“He is here, but he is wounded.”

Dean took a calming breath. “How bad is it?”

“I just finished stitching him up, but he has lost a lot of blood,” Cas responded.

“Okay, I’m on my way,” said Dean. “Make sure he drinks plenty of fluids, and try to get some sugar in his system. Get ginger ale and gummy worms. He likes those.”

Cas grinned slightly as he finished his conversation with Dean. He looked over at Sam, who was now laying on his good side, his wound now clean, stitched, and dressed. If there is one thing I know, he thought to himself, it is that I must protect these two brothers, these righteous men, at any cost.

[fanfic-scribbles]

Warning Signs

Fandom: Supernatural

Summary: Castiel doesn’t admit to fear and neither do you. Until you meet each other.

Quick facts: Romance (?) – Castiel/Reader – Nondescript Reader

Warnings: Noooot fluffy but also not quite angsty? Vague descriptions of violence. Very slight (very!) slight warning for my fellow emetophobes (spitting up, not vomiting, but still).

Words: 1500

A/N: I wanted to write something Cas/Reader with S4-5 or S6 Castiel where he’s still kind of aloof and (in my mind) a little scary and… :gestures helplessly: this. I settled on S4-5. Not platonic but not romantic, not fluff but not angst, just somewhere in the middle. As you do. Also I was playing around with perspective so I apologize if it’s confusing.

     When you first meet Castiel, he has a presence, a power that makes your hair stand on end. He looks harmless but you’ve been around long enough to know appearances mean nothing. He’s the kind of dangerous that makes your muscles tense.

When Castiel meets you, his eyes go immediately to the red-stained silver blade in your hand, and the matching blood on your person. The smell of sulfur is the only reason he doesn’t smite you on sight.

Dean, possibly purposefully oblivious, doesn’t appear to notice the two of you on edge. “Cas, this is–”

“Where did you get that?” Castiel almost snaps.

The sudden rush of power in the air makes you bite down on your tongue to keep from grinding your teeth, and you grip the weapon in question as tightly as you can. You take a deep breath when he doesn’t move to attack. “Demon. Why?” In your mind that fight had been terrifyingly close. The only way you got out alive, you suspect, is because of typical demon ego coupled with the fact that the demon was stupid enough to swing around something that could kill him.

To Castiel, those words cement you as a dangerous creature. A demon had somehow killed an angel. You had somehow killed that demon. He should demand the return of his kin’s blade. He should forbid Sam and Dean from associating with you and keep only a very distant watch on your whereabouts.

He doesn’t. Dean is silent, keeping a careful eye on everyone as you and Castiel stare each other down and Sam, also mindful of the tension, explains to you about angels and the weapons they carry.

“I suppose you want this back, then?” you ask. Your desire to claim ownership of the most useful weapon you’ve ever had is at war with propriety and the feeling that he should have his dead sibling’s sword.

“Keep it,” Castiel says, surprising all of you. He included. He doesn’t show it, though, still not entirely attuned to his human skin. He reaches out with his grace to discern the blade’s former wielder. Sachael. He will mourn her in private, later. “It does my sister no good now. It’s better for it to be used to kill demons than to waste in abandonment.”

You nod to the side, trying to convey both acknowledgement and thanks as you slide the weapon back into its makeshift hilt. You don’t let your guard down, but you think, perhaps, this angel isn’t so bad.

Castiel is left with the feeling that he has given extra claws to a tiger, but he shakes it off. Despite that you now have an implement which could theoretically kill him, you can’t. Not really. He has been a soldier in this war long before you came into being and he will continue to be one long after your physical body has rotted away. Still, he decides it would be prudent to keep an eye on you. Just in case.

  You meet off and on, as time crawls on and different circumstances pull you together. He has his orders, his mission, and you are one of many hunters trying to keep the world together as forces far beyond you try to tear it apart.

He finds you, one day, in a bar, trying to drown your mind. The sense of loss emanating from you is almost as strong as the stench of alcohol swirling about you. Watching you now, he can’t decide if you are less dangerous, or more so. Your face is wet with sweat and tears, but your hand is near your–…the blade, as though itching to use it. He stays back, just in case.

You see him as soon as he appears, of course– you’re not that drunk– but you ignore him. Mostly. You keep an eye on him, not sure why he’s here; if he’s just waiting for you to let your guard down.

When you realize your hand is on the hilt of your angel blade you have a thought of blood and gore, images you’ve been trying to forget, and you spit up the shot you’ve just taken and barely gotten to swallow. The bartender kicks you out but as you’re leaving you note that you no longer see the tan coat and messy dark hair.

Buzzed and bemused, you wonder if you grossed him out.

  “There are more effective ways to hold that.”

He should not be doing this. He has so much else to do, so much else to worry about, to think on. He should not be helping a human learn to wield an angel blade with even more deadly efficacy. Especially as you turn slowly and look at him as though he’s expected. Like he is not a massive being with more power than you can comprehend.

You’re sort of surprised to see him. If he wants to, he can kill you in an instant, and sometimes you get the feeling he’s tempted. So why he’s here, now, critiquing your form, is baffling to you. ‘What’ and ‘huh’ are battling to be first, so of course what comes out of your mouth is, “Hey Castiel. How’ve you been?”

He looks surprised. And, in that moment, human. It makes you smile. Then he grows cold and impossibly alien again. Still, you think of those widened eyes and raised brow, and so you remain more curious than frightened as he marches up to you.

He takes the blade and your hand, adjusting your fingers and the hilt until he hits his preferred grip. “This is easier,” he says. He moves behind you and you’re suddenly frozen as he puts a hand on your hip to still your body and uses his other hand to demonstrate a much smoother strike that, admittedly, you’re not paying full attention to. He is unbothered and, of course, angel, but when you turn your face and come nose-to-nose with him, you both freeze. It feels like an eternity, standing there, sharing air and doing nothing at all.

His lips brush against yours and you gasp because you’re sure you didn’t move, but in the next instant he’s gone and you feel ten times jumpier than you had during or even before your hunt. That angel is dangerous, you realize, but you can do nothing about it now. You turn to clean up.

  Castiel has dealt with swaths of demons before. He dove into hell and returned with the soul of the Righteous Man. Even before that he has been a formidable opponent to any enemy he has faced, either alone or in formation.

A handful of demons in a building on earth should be no trouble. Would be, were there no sigils to contain him to this small space, and were Dean and Sam not helplessly unconscious behind him. The leader is blathering while Castiel looks around and considers his options. With the Winchesters right there, he cannot simply unleash his full power, but is it better to let the demons–

Suddenly an alarm blares and water rains from the ceiling. The demons scream and burn and you burst in, blade shining in the light before you shove it into the body nearest you, and again, and again. Castiel moves to action as well, catching and smiting the demons trying to escape their vessels, and between the two of you and the manufactured holy rain, the fight is over in minutes.

“You okay?” you ask, panting and doubled-over.

He isn’t going to fall for that. Your show of weakness is too convenient. He leans down to one of the bodies to gather some blood and stands up, smearing it to ruin the most troublesome ward. “I am– and was– just fine.”

“Oh, I know.” Your smile is not mocking– it’s agreeing. You point at Sam and Dean. “But how many times do I get to have the Winchesters owe me?”

He doesn’t know the answer but you don’t seem to need one. Seeing you, smiling, covered in the gore of your own kind and bearing your own wounds…

Humans are frightening, he thinks. He thinks it as he cleans up the office so all evidence of battle is gone. He thinks it as he takes the boys back to their motel room. He thinks it as he flies around the world trying not to think of anything at all.

  He’s in your room when you’re getting ready for bed. You jump but don’t run, even as he storms up to you and grips your shoulders tightly in his hands. Your eyes, though– he sees it in your eyes, how wide they are. Feels it in your breath, how hard it hits his skin. Hears it in your heart, how quickly it beats.

“Are you afraid?” he asks lowly.

“Terrified,” you murmur.

You both tumble back onto the bed, locked and locking together, and for the first time that he can remember, he is too.

[webcricket]

Catch a Falling Star

Characters: CastielXReader ft. Sam and Dean Winchester

Word Count: 2282 (Part 4)

A/N: Part 4 of a Soulmate AU mini-series. My muse informed me this story is going to end up with more than 5 parts after all, primarily because Castiel is the most muse-inspiring angel in the garrison and also because Crowley popped in to throw a wrench into my plot outline. Demons, right?

Summary: What if angels didn’t end up just anywhere when they are banished by sigils…what if sometimes they end up exactly where they need to be? Turns out you are Castiel’s grounding stone, and it’s more complicated than either of you realizes. Castiel and the reader are reunited, and it feels so fluffing good.

Completed series Masterlist:

webcricket.tumblr.com/post/165166387163/catch-a-falling-star-masterlist

Harbinger of the oppressively rising temperature outside, a pearlescent green cicada, having that very morning exhaustively fought his way from the black loamy embrace of the Earth after a long slumber to shed his skin and unfold translucent purple-veined wings to the light of day, perched in the uppermost branches of a cottonwood vociferously worshipping the sun. A whispering breeze, freshened by undulant waters of the lake and heavily perfumed by newly blooming stargazer lilies planted in a mulched bed beneath a wide-open window, rustled sheer white curtains to disturb the still air of the room within. The draft mingled pleasantly with aromatic spices of Ceylon and mint emanating in an ethereal mist from a cup sat on the broad white wash windowsill and the luxuriously piquant scent of citrus lotion warmed upon the fingertips idly circling the delicate porcelain rim of the cup. The page of a book turned, accompanied by an unperturbed exhaling of honeyed breath.

Tucked bare-chested beneath soft linen sheets, swathed in bandages smelling of medicinal antiseptic and cooling liniment, Castiel awoke to the summer serenity of the room. Certain any movement whatsoever would disturb this unblemished dream within which he presently found himself peacefully enveloped, he lay quiet and motionless lest he shatter the prevailing calm.

Detecting a subtle change in the atmosphere, you peered up contemplatively from the hardcover book balanced on your knee to study your convalescing guest. Dark-hair magnificently disheveled, eyelids restfully shuttered by lush lashes, he appeared disappointingly unmoved since the last glance you ventured to steal. Your crestfallen gaze traversed out into the meticulously maintained English style garden beyond the window. The wild blue coneflowers, tamed many years ago in the far corner by persevering fingers, prepared to blossom that afternoon – each verdant stalk stretching toward the sky and leaden with gravid buds. Your attention flitted back to the man laid out on the bed, nagging instinct insisting something was different. Book slipping forgotten from your lap into a nook of the plush cushioned chair, you rose.

Cas did not require sight to perceive your increased proximity. He could clearly envisage the inquisitive glinting of your bright eyes examining him as you stood over his idle vessel. His heartbeat skipped time, hastening to match pace with the dashing thump of yours.

Noting the pernicious fluid draining from his shoulder wound with a frown, you plucked a clean stack of gauze from the bedside table and commenced gingerly picking at the corners of the soiled dressing protecting the muscular joint to loosen and pry it off.

Betraying his indolent guise, the angel winced at the pang of anguish induced by the well-meaning and careful dance of your fingertips.

“I’m sorry!” you gasped, recoiling at his rousing reaction. The squares of gauze scattered soundlessly to the floor in your dismay.

Cas knew no matter how attentive your ministrations, the injury deep enough to strike his grace would remain excruciatingly painful until he regained enough strength to mend the breach of his vessel from within. Eyelids flicking open, undeterred by agony or a one-time stubborn resolve to avoid the perilous incursion into your life, he reached out unhesitatingly for your withdrawing limb, capturing you gently by the wrist. “It’s alright,” he sputtered, voice thick and husky with disuse, “you didn’t hurt me.”

Drifting nearer, you did not resist acquiescing to his adamantly tender grip, or tumbling into the extraordinary and oddly familiar blue depths of his eyes.

“Thank you. Thank you for…,” he stared blankly, jaw tensing in an attempt to formulate a coherent sentiment from a memory he could not summon. The last thing he recalled was tussling with a particularly burly demon, angelic might focusing to smite him when a force outside his control uprooted him from the scene. He couldn’t be certain he’d dispatched the demon before being banished. He was fairly certain the Winchesters were more than capable of handling the mess. He vaguely remembered crashing and, in a dazzlingly bright moment of sheer exhaustion, total vulnerability, and defeat of will, yielding to whatever fate providence deigned to offer up to him just then. And now here he lay – safe, comforted, entrusted to your care, and in precisely the last place he expected to be. He released your wrist, repeating himself for lack of available words, “For…”

“For dragging your half-conscious body out of the woods after you fell out of the sky and landed at my feet?” you supplied, brow fervidly arching. “You’re welcome.”

His expressive blues flew wide in genuine surprise in consideration of how casually you seemed to be taking the odd manner of his arrival.

“You really don’t remember?” you pondered aloud, a charmed smile illuminating your aspect. “Seems like something that’d be hard to forget. Unless, of course, this kind of thing happens to you routinely.”

Any higher reasoning regarding why you’d be better off not knowing him in affront to your deep universal bond was circumvented entirely by his weakened physical state, he mutely dared to hope any and all unfortunate future banishments routinely concluded at your feet.

“You’d better let me get this wound covered again before it gets infected.”

The angel nodded, not protesting your renewed efforts to tend to his shoulder. Seemingly struck speechless in your presence, he didn’t bother to mention the fact that there was no possible risk of infection when you began to swipe the yawning fracture of oozing flesh with betadine. Rather, sheets balled tightly in his fists, he stoically endured the overwhelming stinging discomfort without a single impolite grunt or growl to deter your actions.

“Where are you from anyway?” you asked, attempting to distract him from the burn of antibiotic ointment as you packed the wound.

“Originally?” he spoke through gritted teeth.

“It’s a place to start,” you angled your head sideways to inspect the final tape job, firmly pressing the edges to seal the bandage to his skin. Squinting, finding the result satisfactory, you bit your lower lip with a small nod of approval and removed your hands.

Cas did not fail to notice the cute quirk through his involuntarily tearing vision. Managing a moderately pain free relieved inhalation, he relaxed, retorting with the first thing to spring to mind, “Origins almost always are.”

A cheerful bubbling laugher emerged from your throat as you sat on the edge of the bed, absent-mindedly smoothing the wrinkled sheet beside him with a flattened palm.

The angel could not have prevented the smile drawing across his mouth if his continued angelic existence, nay, the perpetuation of all life in the creation, depended upon it. The sound of your laughter rang out as a delightful symphony in his ears. Deciding he had no reason to lie to you, and determining furthermore that masking his identity with misdirection seemed pointless, he pointed heavenward in answer.

You followed the indicated direction to look up at the rustic shiplap ceiling. A perplexed wrinkle creased your brow. “So…you’re what…an alien?”

“Angel,” he corrected.

“That was my second guess,” you remarked with a teasing grin.

“You don’t seem surprised.” His hand sought yours of its own volition, the rough pads of his fingers settling lightly across your knuckles.

Uncannily composed given his celestial revelation and the strangely comfortable contact between you that should be unnerving given his status as an almost complete stranger but instead felt more natural than any touch you’d experienced before, you met his warm regard. “Well, out of all the extremely fantastical possibilities I imagined while waiting for you to wake up to explain a man falling mostly uninjured out of the sky, you being an angel seems pretty darn ordinary.”

“I suppose it does,” he concurred. Noticing his errant hand, he decided he did not wish to remove it, even when his thumb boldly took it upon itself to trace a small expanding circle into your smooth skin.

“And also, I talked to your friend Dean last night.”

“Oh.” His thumb arrested its endeavor. The angel could not begin to fathom the scope of what Dean may or may not have said to you. The potentials were endless.

You continued, assuaging the angel’s unspoken concern, “He told me your name. Castiel. Cas, for short. He also said you’d probably be fine as long as I absolutely didn’t feed you after midnight. Does he always pepper random corny movie references into serious conversation?”

“It’s a coping mechanism of his. Or maybe a tick. Sometimes I find it hard to discern the difference. The grimmer the circumstances, the funnier he gets. I’m regularly surprised at how effective his brand of humor is at diffusing grave situations.”

“He must have been very worried about you then, because he was hilariously awful,” you noted. “Is he an angel too?”

“No, he’s a h-,” Cas stopped himself from saying hunter. He didn’t see the need to blacken the innocence of your world with knowledge of the monsters inhabiting it – angels were a destructive enough force with which to reckon. “A human. Dean and his brother Sam are the closest thing I have to family.”

“You’re lucky to have them,” you said, smiling.

“What about you, your family?”

Lip quivering, your smile faltered, despair darkening your expression.

Cas squeezed your hand consolingly. Remembering too late the hospital’s inability to locate a next of kin, he apologized, “Y/N, I’m sorry. I-I forgot.”

Withdrawing your hand from his grasp, you regarded him suspiciously, sniffling, “Forgot?”

He guiltily diverted his gaze, instantly recognizing his mistake in your bewildered reaction. After healing you at the hospital, he’d instructed you to forget him, and you had.

“How do you know so much about me?” you stood up from the bed, stepping back warily.

He struggled to sit upright to follow your retreat, clutching at his throbbing shoulder, groaning, “I can explain.”

You denied the tortuously strong inclination to help ease his struggle that yanked furiously at every nerve ending in your trembling frame.

“I was with you,” he strained, “at the hospital.” Giving up, he collapsed back onto the pillow in a fit of agony.

You recalled the passing mention of the man who stayed by your side. Dark hair. Trench coat. Handsome. Sad blue eyes. Your guardian angel according to the orderly who discharged you. Apprehension appeased by this recollection, you sprang forward, perching again on the edge of the bed, swiping the hair from his anguished brow. “You’re the mystery man who kept vigil over me,” you murmured, half-question, half-statement.

He nodded, “Yes, until I had strength enough to save you.”

“Then you’re my…my guardian angel?”

His torso rattled with a shaky remorseful breath, “I’m not. I stayed…I stayed to save you from me.”

“The doctors said my recovery was a miracle. You healed me, didn’t you? Why would I need to be saved from you? You’re the reason I’m alive.”

“You don’t know who I am, what I am to you, do you?” he asked, tilting his chin, appreciating for the first time that perhaps your limited human perception prevented you from hearing his divine heart beat for you as clearly as he distinguished the brilliance of your soul radiating for him.

“What are you talking about?”

He lifted two fingers to your temple, hovering them there, seeking permission to return the memories he took from you and more, “May I show you?”

“Show me what?” Eyelids fluttering shut, you submitted to his touch.

“Everything.”

Castiel, angel of the Lord, fallen, fated by design of the universe to be your match, your soulmate, hid nothing of himself from you. He divulged the vast span of his existence in exacting detail from his creation to this very moment. He held back none of the destructive angelic fury, none of the nagging doubts, none of the errors of judgement, none of the innocent or justified deaths on his blood-stained hands, none of the self-righteous indignation, none of the betrayal of friend and foe alike, none of the deep sorrow, none of the profound regret, none of the insurmountable quests for penance he attached to his many failures, none of the unremitting conviction of worthlessness, and none of the intractable belief that once you perceived him for the broken being he was you would have no choice but to reject him.

When you recovered your deluged wits, you found yourself nestled snuggly against the angel, quietly sobbing, arm draped across his torso and secure in his warmly encircling embrace. The last rays of the sinking sun shone through the window, reflecting off the lake to paint vivid shimmering orange-hued swaths of color across the far wall. Sensing your wakefulness, he gently wiped the streaming tears from your cheeks in turn.

You continued to weep – not because you pitied or feared or loathed him. You wept – not because you were overcome by the ferocity and dejection of the angelic maelstrom that he revealed to you. You wept because in himself he did not acknowledge the redemptive qualities of kindness, gentleness, courage, loyalty, strength, perseverance, hope, and the sense of wonder which equally defined him. You wept because the boundless capacity for love anchored within his heart was also the source of his unbearable suffering – he hurt intensely only because he loved deeply. Bearing the weight of this burden alone, it was no wonder to you that he fell from Heaven. Propping yourself up on an elbow to gaze bleary-eyed and undaunted into his fretfully furrowed features, you eased nearer to place a tearful smiling kiss upon his lips.

Castiel did not lose himself in the kiss as the clichéd saying goes. Rather, in the pliant give of your salt-laced lips, the angel found the one thing he’d always been searching for – home.

Part 5:

webcricket.tumblr.com/post/163910839900/catch-a-falling-star

[x-compendiums-of-castiel-x]

Feelings

Castielxreader

Warnings: intense fluff

Words: 4,495

Summary:  You talk to Jody about your feelings for Cas. Deciding maybe its time to come to terms with the feelings and just tell him, after all, you’re in love with him.

“You sure you don’t want to come out with us?” Dean implored as he picked up his jacket from the chair. Sam, Cas, and himself had planned on going out for the night, you were going to go to but had changed your mind at the last minute.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks anyway, have a drink for me,” you smiled up at him. Cas was in the midst of putting on his own coat before you announced your dismissal. When you smiled up at Dean, you missed the small frown that began to form on Cas’ face. Cas enjoyed spending time with you, mostly because you were the only one patient enough to help him learn the ways of humanity. You didn’t get as frustrated with him as the brothers did; its not that they meant to be so harsh, they just didn’t have enough patience or time like you did.

“That is, if its okay with you,” you added, looking over towards Jody. The four of you had come to visit with her over the weekend after deciding a break was needed. Her eyes lit up and her smile was warm.

“Absolutely!” she insisted. Your smile resurfaced and turned back to the boys.

“We’ll be here then,” you gave softly, standing to hug them a farewell. It was just something you were used to doing, something you didn’t take for granted especially with the lives you all lived. Not that you noticed, but when you hugged Cas, he was hesitant to let you go. Even though they were just going out for drinks, he wanted you there with him. Though he couldn’t bring himself to ask why you had changed your mind so suddenly.

“Be careful, Cas,” you instructed, giving him a gentle squeeze on his forearm where your hand was now resting. He nodded and didn’t say a word as he followed the brothers out towards the car. He definitely wasn’t himself and you probably would have noticed if your mind wasn’t racing. This was the reason you decided to stay behind; you were in need for some girl talk asap and you couldn’t think of a better time than right now while the boys were out.

“So,” Jody began as she leaned back in her chair, “not that I mind because I definitely enjoy your company, but why’d you decide to stay behind?” Even with the boys gone it was hard for you to collect yourself, afraid that if you spoke they might somehow still be able to hear you.

“Well…,” you paused, scooting to the edge of your seat as you interlaced your fingers together, “…I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” Your body language gained her interest, she’d never seen you so nervous looking.

“Yeah, okay,” she agreed, a little to accepting. Claire and Alex talk with her, but never on a really deep level as what she would like. She knew that when they were ready they would, but things hadn’t escalated that far yet. But you grew on her just like Claire and Alex had, Sam, Dean, and Cas too. You were just as much as family as they were and she considered them her own.

“Do you think angels… well…do you think people can really change?” Your question sort of threw her off guard.

“I suppose so. I mean, under all kinds of circumstances, people are prone to change quite often throughout their lifetime.” Jody sat up, copying your frame and squinting her eyes trying to pinpoint where this was going.

“That would be more of a personality or lifestyle thing,” you whisper, cocking your head as you tried to think of a way to reword your question so she would have a better understanding.

“People can misread people but if they actually get to know them, things between them might change, right?” Looking back up at her, you awaited a response. Something in her mind clicked, thinking back to when Castiel first began choosing free will alongside Sam and Dean.

“Are we talking about Cas?” Her question brought you front and center, away from all your thoughts.

“Well…” you started but you didn’t know how to tell her. This whole subject, especially since you were finally admitting it to someone, was very difficult for you.

“Because he’s an angel,” she continued, watching you closely making sure you were both sort of following each other. Little did either of you know, you weren’t on the same page at all; though you were both in the same book.

“He was, …past tense now,” you quickly added with hope in your tone, though she hesitated a moment before speaking again.

”(y/n), you know as well as I do, angels and humans have different levels of reasonings,… however-“ you cut her off, thinking she was going a different way with the conversation.

“I know, but Castiel…he’s human now.” Jody chuckled at your swift remarks, you were really after the fact that he was human.

“Hang on let me finish; however, Cas’ view changed way before his grace was taken away. If you think he might have angel thoughts while being human, it is possible but I don’t think now that he is human he will go back to thinking the way he did before meeting Dean and Sam,” she gave, hoping to ease your mind.

“He will still take free will into consideration the way he always has. Its always had that effect on him,” Jody continued, backing up her previous statement clearly. Scrunching your brows in confusion, you began to understand that she didn’t quite catch your first question the way you had meant for her to.

“Did that… am I helping at all?” She questioned, her features easing up as she began to think that it wasn’t what you were trying to hear.

“No, you are helping. You’re helping a lot actually, just in a different view point than the approach I was trying,” you smile still having hope.

“Alright, help me out here kiddo. What is the exact question you’re trying to find the answer to?” Jody straightened her back, perching her elbow on her knee and resting her chin on her palm. Taking in a deep breath, you tried calming your nerves as best as you could.

“Well, like you said, Cas was an angel. He was an angel before he was human and like Dean says, angels are wired differently than us humans,” you state matter of factly. She paid close attention to each word that fell from your mouth, taking each piece and putting your puzzle together.

“And you brought to my attention just now, a key part of something I somehow forgot. Castiel has a soft spot for free will and humanity…” you mumble off, mainly talking to yourself than to her at the current moment. The room was silent as you processed everything in your mind, meanwhile, Jody was doing her best to figure out what she could with the little information she had.

“(y/n), I can’t help you if I don’t know everything thats going on,” she said softly, scooting closer to you and taking your hand in hers for support. Somehow, all the bad thoughts were overruling all the positive possibilities your predicament held. As you had been thinking, your head was held down so when the tears began to prick your eyes, they fell without hesitation; leaving streaks down your face. Jody hadn’t had the chance to notice until you looked up, eyes almost bloodshot in just the few moments you two had been sitting in silence. Immediately her reaction turned to worry.

“(Y/n), whats wrong?” wrapping her arm around your back, she began rubbing soothing circles with her hand.

“Do you think Cas could ever love someone like me?” Finally, the question was out there. More tears poured from your eyes as you awaited her answer. All the negative thoughts cancelling out every single one of the positives. Jody looked at you with wide eyes as she went over your question carefully. A few moments ago, you were fine and she now understood why you looked so nervous yet hopeful at the same time. But now you were a teary mess and in all of the years she had known you, she had never seen you like this; especially over someone else. In fact, she’d never even seen you with or even heard about you being with any one ever. She just figured, hunter to hunter, that you didn’t want a relationship because of how messy it could be in the life. Though now that she was thinking it all over, it all made sense. All the playful laughs, the mounds of worry, the hollowed emptiness you felt the few times Cas had been taken out; you loved him, you were in love with him. She could see it all so clearly now, you never wanted anyone else, you’ve always just wanted Cas or no one at all. And now that he was human, all your pent up emotions were trying to escape and coming to the surface. Jody noticed her slight hesitation as the realization of it all swarmed in.

“Angel or human, of course he could,” she explained carefully but in all seriousness. You looked at her through your teary eyes, finding reassurance within her.

“What do the boys think?” She wanted to know what they had told you all these years that had even gave you the slightest doubt. Wiping your eyes, you forced out a sad laugh.

“I’ve never told anyone. Not until just now,” you explained. Though you hadn’t out right said how you felt about him, you knew that she knew. Your feelings for the clueless blue eyed angel-human you’d grown to love, was out there; someone finally knew. Jody sat there for a moment, taking in what you were saying. If you had never told anyone and no one knew, she knew you trusted her enough for her to be the first you’d ever told.

“I’m happy you felt comfortable sharing this with me,” she turned her head, staring throughout the room. She was genuinely happy and a smile tugged at her lips. Seeing her smile and having her reassurance helped reset your thoughts. Glancing over at you, you couldn’t help but smile back; the both of you even began to laugh a little, happy laughter this time.

“What are you going to do?” she quirked her eyebrow up, grin still upon her face. Rubbing your hands over your face a few times before resting them back on your thighs, you pondered for a moment.

“I have no idea. I honestly don’t know,” you answered, letting out a little defeated sigh.

“Are you going to tell him how you feel?” As soon as her question left her mouth, you gaped at her not exactly knowing what to say.

“I-I…well…I don’t… I don’t think I can,” you pictured the event in your mind but you didn’t want to think about how it ended. Not because you were afraid of telling him and being rejected, but because Cas needed someone right now; now more than ever with him being human. You couldn’t ruin things at a time like this or even make it awkward. The brothers couldn’t give him the one on one that he needed. You weren’t worried over the fact of your own embarrassment, but more so over the fact that you didn’t want Cas to feel like he was completely alone; that you were just helping him because you had a silly crush on him. Of course, calling your feelings a crush was a complete understatement, Cas wouldn’t be able to catch onto what you truly meant. You were trying your best to help him but he was still clueless in some areas, not that you minded because his lack of understanding and opaque curiosity lead him to making his adorable head tilts.

“He needs me right now,” you admitted, sadly but with honor, “as a friend. I can’t let him down.” Before Jody could counteract that statement or even try to get you to change your mind, you both were interrupted.

“Let who down?” Dean quizzed, as Sam and Cas followed in behind him. Both you and Jody watched as they shrugged out of their coats, neither one of you saying anything. Once Dean sat his jacket on the back of the chair, he turned back to the both of you, Sam and Cas watched curiously too.

“Did we walk in on something?” Sam asked shyly, not wanting to be rude but feeling something was definitely off. Shaking your head no, you glanced over at Jody as she sneaked a peak over towards Cas.

“Nope,” you popped the ‘p’ and stood from your seat. “Jody and I,” you stifled a laugh, “we were just talking about a hunt I had went on a few years back. Originally I had went solo but I ran into another hunter and we wound up working the case together. I, uh, had a lot on my mind at the time but I had to pull myself together so I wouldn’t let the guy down. I was telling Jody that I kept thinking ‘I can’t let him down’, ” Four sets of eyes were glued on you, watching you with uncertainty. The room had got really quiet and your were starting to become very uncomfortable with their questionable gazes.

“Yes,” Jody agreed as she pulled her own self together. “(y/n) was telling me what all she was going through at the time. Very risky taking on a hunt like that with all of that going on. I mean, you could of died,” she looked at you as she said the last part. Everything she had just said went by the brothers very unconvincingly. They knew how careful you were and that when you were hunting, you separated your personal feelings from your work. It was one of your  things went by, especially after learning how their father had been; chasing after the yellow eyed demon. It was understandable, but very personal and stunts like that are what get you killed. Sam and Dean looked between you and Jody both, neither of them bought it and they were fixing to say something right when Cas spoke up.

"You should’ve been more careful,” he tilted his head while holding a worried expression. Dean was the first to shoot a weird look in Cas’ direction and it didn’t take long for Sam to follow his brothers move, gazing at him questionably before switching back to you and Jody.

"Yeah… thanks Cas…….I, uh,… I’m going to go get ready for bed,” you drew you brows together, blinking as you angled your head towards the floor as you walked from the room. Cas was Cas, but Sam and Dean both knew something was up and poor Jody was caught so off guard. Once you were out of sight, Jody was able to pull herself together.

“How come you’re all back so early?” her tone was smooth, not like early when she sound like she was definitely trying to cover something up. Dean caved in and Sam just shrugged everything that just happened off his shoulders. Both of them knew something was up but obviously now wasnt the time to talk about it.

“The bar closed early. We made it there right when they were closing the doors.” Dean explained, huffing a sigh of defeat. “You wouldn’t happen to have anything here would you?” Jody smiled a sly smile and carried herself into the kitchen, explaining she had quite a stock, all they had to do was ask.

“Awesome!” Dean smirked and patted his brother on the shoulder as he followed Jody into the kitchen. Sam shook his head, rolling his eyes at his brother before settling his sight over to Cas, whom was still watching the door from where you vanished.

“Cas,…you okay?” Sam quizzed seriously, following his gaze to the door and back. Castiel hesitated his response.

“I’m fine, its (y/n) I’m worried about. She seems… out of sorts,” he admitted, moving his blue eyes over to the younger Winchester. Sam nodded and thought it over for a moment before he cleared his throat.

“Yeah,… she does. I’ll go check on her,” he began to move towards your room, but Cas stopped him.

“I will go,” Cas insisted, meeting Sam’s questionable quirky gaze. Sam didn’t have proof but he felt both of you had feelings for each other but the other was completely oblivious. Cas looked away from Sam, feeling his cheeks warm at the realization of how fast he offered to go instead.

“I just figured you and Dean wanted drinks. I think I’m going to go to bed too… I can check on her while I’m headed that way,” Castiel explained. Sam smiled and as he stared at his friend, his brother, his smile only grew.

“Okay, Cas,” Sam was still smiling as he went to meet his brother and host in the kitchen. He couldn’t help but hope the both of you would see what was directly in front of you and that it happened soon; you deserved each other, you both deserved to be happy.

“What are you smiling at?” Dean questioned once Sam entered the kitchen. The younger brother shook his head with a huge smirk on his face as he shrugged off his brothers comment. As Dean continued on talking with Jody, her and Sam locked eyes; both of them realizing what the other knew. Both of them smiled as they turned to look towards the living room where Sam had left Cas, hoping…no… praying that things between the two of you would escalate, for both of your sakes.

Cas stood there for a moment once Sam had left before he began making his way to you. Once he stood still in front of your door, he hesitantly knocked and waited patiently for your answer. But you didn’t answer, which was very unlike you so he knocked again but still nothing. Worry coursed through him and he couldn’t help but open the door. Upon peaking inside, he saw the bathroom door was closed and he could hear the shower running. Since he became human, he’s learned more about personal space and privacy, so he knew better than to walk in on you taking a shower. However, he wanted to talk to you; to make sure you were okay. So he decided to sit and wait for you on your bed, his hands resting in his lap as his eyes searched the room. Eventually, he heard you turn the water off. After you dried off and dressed yourself, you realized you had left your tooth brush in your other bag. Upon opening the door, you were immediately meet with blue eyes.

“Cas? What are you doing in here?” fear coated your voice as you spoke, earning a head tilt from your visitor. Did Jody say anything? Surely she wouldn’t of…right?

“I wanted to check on you,” he answered, still unsure of why your voice held fear. You froze for a moment, a sigh of relief escaping you. Of course she wouldn’t say anything, she had your back.

“Im fine, really Cas. No need to worry,” your tone finally changed but he was still uncertain.

“When humans say they are fine, usually they are far from it,” he stated, standing and moving over to you. A smile appeared on your face but inside your heart was breaking. This was Cas for you, concerned, caring, clueless Castiel.

“Cas, I’m good. I promise,” giving him a quick smile, you slid past him so you could grab your toothbrush. You could feel his vibrant blue orbs glued to you, watching your every move. Once you opened your bag, you found your toothbrush and Cas’. You’d forgot that you grabbed his, knowing he’d forget it himself. Pulling them both out, you turned and walked back towards him.

“Here’s your brush,” handing over the brush, he watched you for a moment before taking it.

“I…I forgot to grab it,” he responded, looking it over before peering up to meet your gaze.

“Yeah… I, uh, I…I thought that you might. I used to forget mine all the time. It takes a little while to remember it,”you ensure, trying to be as polite and nice as you could be. . “Thank you,” he tried a small smile, but you just still didn’t seem yourself.

“You’re welcome Cas,” you responded, giving him a fake smile, he noticed but didn’t have time to respond to it.

“Im going to brush my teeth and then hit the sack. Im kind of tired,” you explained and he nodded. He knew he wasn’t very good with this yet. He wanted to cheer you up, but something was definitely dragging you down. Giving him another fake smile, you walked past him again this time heading to the bathroom. You began applying your toothpaste to your brush and it was that moment Cas realized he had forgot his toothpaste too.

“(y/n)?” he questioned softly. Glancing up in the mirror, you met a reflection of him in the other room. “I forgot my toothpaste as well…,” he stated blankly. For some strange, unknown reason you found his statement comical and found yourself giggling. Turning his head he watched you for a moment.

“Why are you laughing?” he asked unsurely. It took you a minute to compose yourself enough to form a comprehendible sentence.

“I-I-I dont-I don’t know,” a sincere smile plastered on your face as you tried to calm your laughing. Seeing you this way, back to your normal, happy self made him happy and he found himself smiling too. “Come here Cas,” you invited him in and scooted over for him to use the sink too. It wouldn’t be the first time you had brushed your teeth together, you used to do it all the time when you were showing him the proper way to do it; also making sure he didn’t eat any more of the paste. He ran his brush under the water for a second before applying the paste, then ran it under once more before both of you began brushing your teeth. It wasnt until now you were self conscious about spiting back into the sink. Last time, you didn’t care honestly, but now…now you realized and didn’t deny yourself the true meaning of what you had been feeling for him. Talking with Jody earlier made you come to terms with it. So unlike the last time when you brushed your teeth together, you covered your face and bent down lower towards the sink, making sure the water was running to wash everything down the drain.

“Why are you doing it like that,” Cas questioned curiously.

“Because its gross Cas, you don’t need to see it,” you informed, suddenly so astounded by how insecure you were about it. He watched you for a moment before copying exactly what you had done.

“This isn’t how we did it last time,” he admitted, making you turn to stare at him for a second, another smiling appearing on your lips.

“Well last time was different.”

“How so?” he questioned. Immediately your face turned bright red. What were you supposed to do now? Tell him? Thinking it over for a second, you rinsed your mouth out again and washed your brush our before answering him. That way after you told him, you could escape to the bed and hide from him in the covers. After all, you thought about it for a while now, especially while you were soaking up the hot water when you were in the shower. If you told Cas how you felt, do you honestly think he would be mad at you? Or even not be around you anymore? It was Cas… and Cas has never been mad at you before; upset with you, yes, but never angry.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to be mad and you can’t not be my friend any more, okay?” you insisted, declaring it anyway so that if there was a problem, he knew it was going to be sorted out in a way that wouldn’t change how you both were with each other; that you would still be friends. He watched you for a moment, eyeing you as he ran his brush under the water to ‘clean’ it.

“Why would I do those things towards you?” he tilted his head, brows knitting together as he placed his brush beside yours on the counter.

“I don’t know Cas… I just…” (just be honest (y/n)!)- you thought.

“Im in love with you,” you stated simply, staring at him for a moment before walking past him as he took in and sorted through your words. Pulling back the covers, you climbed into the bed. Cas seemed to be frozen still in the bathroom because you hadn’t heard him move a muscle. You laid there on your pillow, eyes wide open. There was no way you could go to sleep right now. So you stayed awake, snuggled in the blanket, ears open waiting for Cas to do something. But he didn’t.

“Cas… just forget about it, okay? Go to sleep.” you pulled the covers over your head, stomach turning on itself. What had you done? Why did you have to say it? Why did you have to tell him? The next thing you know, you hear him turn the bathroom light out and walk over to the door. This is it, he’s going to walk right out the door and you’ve just ruined everything. Turning your light off, he shut your bed room door and your heart sank. Beside you, the bed sunk, sitting up you tried to see what he was doing, you thought he had left.

“Cas, what are you doing,” you question. Instantly his lips are on yours, his stubble grazing your smooth cheeks. Lifting your arms up and around his neck, you pulled him to you. Your mind reeled, wondering what all he was thinking, but you couldn’t help but loose yourself in him; he was everything you’d ever wanted and he was giving himself to you. Before you knew it, Cas pulled away gently, placing his forehead against your own and you whined at him for pulling away too soon.

“Cas,”you complained, arms still around his neck.

“I love you too, (y/n),” he admitted before kissing your lips one last time before he kissed the tip of your nose and then once on your forehead. Cas pulled you in, tight against his chest; holding and cuddling you. This night was going to be the first of many. You loved Cas. Cas loved you. You needed each other. It was that simple.

[elizabethrobertajones]

12x19 notes

for some reason I got that old advert that’s like, “the future’s bright... the future’s Orange” stuck in my head the entire time. (I mean Orange got bought out by ee and the name vanished so... no, it’s not Orange. :P)

I blame the return of Sam’s orange jacket.

expectations - fairly muted since I read pretty much no speculation over the little break and really don't know what to make of this season in forward planning. Mittens said it best to me last night - that the show is doing quite predictable things but the layers and complexity and subversions on their own playbook are where it's interesting. So in a way it feels like we could map out what might happen in this episode? But I didn't feel like reading that because that would just make it feel predictable to the point of boredom guessing the big beats. And I'm expecting some of thing with the emotional side to be almost unpredictably messy. Like how 12x12 I don't think anyone was going into it thinking Cas was going to have a big i love you moment :P

For the actual writing, this is our potentially bizarre but wonderful combination of writers - Glynn and Berens having a crack at the Kelly stuff, and I think is the first time she's appeared outside of a Buckleming episode, while this is only the second time the Kelly stuff has even been IN a non-Buckleming episode after we saw Cas's side a bit in 12x15 before it got derailed into him going to Heaven, or 12x10 which was emotionally about it but only had mentions either side. Glynn's been huge on consent and attempting to handle things sensitively (to a varying degree of success in implementation according to the fandom,  but I award points for trying...) and Berens definitely wants to be a feminist writer and also to varying degrees of acceptance by the fandom, but his heart is in the right place. I think the two of them together would hopefully bring a very different perspective to Kelly's story and this is the episode where I'm hoping they make the most of the fact this storyline is happening... Plus I'm fairly sure this is the one directed by Amanda Tapping so there's that :3

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recap starts right off with what Cas has been up to this third of the season. I was starting to forget who he was. Dean is worried about the same thing. Blah blah Kelly, Dean worrying about Cas, blah blah Kelly and Dagon, Eileen being a BAMF, where's Cas is he okay, Dean has the Colt.

I've never really ranked recaps out of 10 or anything but that was a pretty good one for all the layering in how Dean's been worried about Cas in between all these other events taking place, and also making it SO CLEAR that Dean is the one who's been worried about Cas

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Kelly's looking great >.> Dagon appears to have moved her to a dungeon. Lovely. She's got the worst beside manner ever.

Or it's just the basement of a horrible shack. LOOKS like a dungeon, which I think is the point.

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Oh gosh Dagon is properly scary, and Kelly gets some self-reflection... Or, well, her reflection is broken by the mirror and she's just a faceless baby bump. Great shot.

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Oh no Kelly no... I actually care about her now and she got to actually say some actual words about how she feels and how this has affected her, aka jumped right over my extremely low bar for her treatment that Buckleming weren't exactly straining themselves to get over, and now she's trying to kill herself. :< :< They finally let the actress DO something where the scene was about HER and not JUST her baby, and it was incredible and terrible and arrrghhhh

I hope everyone was okay after that opening because that was pretty harsh. Bobo puts suicide-related stuff in a lot of his episodes with about the reliability of Buckleming and creepy pregnancies, but there's some pretty vivid, awful suicides on screen thanks to him, and this was a long beautifully shot sequence of her bleeding out

I mean I assume she'll be fine and I was waiting for the twist before the title card where the nephilim forces her back to life, but I guess they're leaving us on that for now >.>

(This was necessary to do, though, both because Kelly's really in a place where only extreme reactions can happen to prove anything, as it's such a tense bad situation, and also SHE needed to take an action to be a remotely fleshed out character after all she's been dragged through so far, and ALSO we need to see some proof the nephilim is as bad as it is, burning bible aside, that it's just not quite enough of a real threat or presence - something everyone is talking about but with the 9 month wait for a baby to pop is very hypothetical for the intervening time - I was actually expecting her to try cutting it out of herself, or at least if I had an R rated horror version of this show I would show that >.>)

(I mean if I was in control of an R rated version of the show we would probably not have this plotline :P)

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*adds Sam drawing on the table to my list of offences he's committed against the bunker*

He really has it in for that table

That was a pretty fun montage of him doing stuff and thinking on screen for us. Weird as it may be I don't get the feeling the Winchesters think a lot because they usually show us them right when they walk in having googled something or already worked it out. We get middle of episode research montages but only a couple of episodes start on reading montages and usually to show the research is futile... Actually showing Sam puzzling out the thing he was wondering about before we get Dean wandering in and Sam explaining what that was all about is... weirdly refreshing... Proof they use their brains.

He's working out when Nephilim are born, which seems to be a somehow more complicated, magical thing than simple biology, but does explain the way he was talking about it in the promo, which without the montage sounded like another boring, “so I googled it and surprisingly there was a website to work this out”, kind of explanation.

It does get boring to keep showing that, even if thinking montages take up time, they LOOK good and are better storytelling for the characters.

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Wait if you guys went to prison around early december, you DID spend Christmas and maybe Dean's birthday in the lock up... Oh no :P Was that ever actually confirmed? I thought we went the other way on that when we were trying to work it out over Christmas.

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CAAAAS

Cas cas cas cas cas

"Hello." That is still the term? Been away a while :P

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I love Dean's face as he watches Cas come down to join them. He's just stunned to see him.

Annoyed because he's concerned

"working with the angels"

*Dean's face puckers up comically*

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Cas lies to them *Dean starts to make the 6x15 pouting face* ("that's how he does it") ... I have to screencap this I've never seen Dean make such a weird face since then :P

He goes through like eight different emotions and there isn't room enough for them all on his face. He's still pouting about one thing and then Sam says they're glad Cas is back and he overloads :P

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Bless Amanda Tapping for capturing that on camera.

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yikes Dean, once again with the concerned and angry thing >.> Pls stop being angry at Cas because you can't handle missing him that much. Sam says they're glad Cas is back because that's what you're supposed to say and he's happy Cas is back and there's some extra help and you know sometimes Cas is here and sometimes Cas isn't but when he is he's helpful and they like each other and get on... and meanwhile Dean has burned through like 3 diaries of emo teenage sobbing about if Cas likes him and why isn't he returning his calls or texts in the last month, and he's been on a rollercoaster of angst about it all and now Cas is back it's like wtf does he even CARE i thought he said he LOVED us how can he be so heartless FML *sounds of Evanescence playing from Dean's room* *sam does not ask*

And Cas pulls that Cas face he does when Dean gets like this (I mean they were standing around the table almost like this in 8x22 when Dean ripped into Cas, and again in 11x07... Never mind how Dean was acting in 12x10 at the start where, yep, Cas comes in just like in 8x22. War room table. Where the family goes to have its wars :P)

12x10 already subverted this while we were on the middle of the season emotional development phase of the story, so we'll see how it goes here

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Dean's complaints about being ditched and ignored are definitely straight from his diary

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"What the hell's wrong with you, man?"

*Cas can't answer*

Dean's like, whatever, and storms off to his room

*sounds of Evanescence playing even louder while he writes a few more pages in his diary*

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BMoL like  "well we got some useful intel, but we need to edit so much romantic tension out of this before we can show it to the higher ups"

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I suppose Cas can't answer because he's lying and for some reason or another everything sucks and what's wrong with him presumably boils down to the problem of home and family and whatever was put to him in Heaven, which I assume is directly relating to his conflict about home and family. The fact he can't answer is a very literal demonstration of him being trapped between all this and not able to answer. For whatever reason he's come back/been allowed to come back/been sent back, he is still stuck on their offer and walking into Dean throwing an almighty strop about Cas's absence and how much it's hurt him not to have Cas there... Not good for his ability to immediately answer.

[note with hindsight: okay don’t normally do this but the episode INTENTIONALLY wiped this off the slate and it’s not even a useful tangent thought. Guess this was left over what we were meant to be feeling (Kelvin asks Cas this in 12x15 after all which WAS the last word we had on it) but Cas has already made up his mind and his declaration of his motivations in this episode made this pretty obvious in hindsight that it was just what the angels THOUGHT Cas might be motivated by still but he really has gone all in with the Winchesters - of course only at the point it can get thrown away by other factors, and choices... Did have some other thoughts about Cas not being sure he belonged so a more subtle way of analysing it that Cas was realising he might not BELONG belong, but he would have to act to protect Dean from afar, and the cost of his friendship - well, Dean was ALREADY pissed at him so Cas will do what he has to >.>]

Also. Cas got all of Dean's calls. So, like, that's the same as 8x02 and "I prayed to you, every night!" "I know"

And while we're here, of course I shouldn't bring this in but what was Amanda Tapping around for during season 8, but pretty much entirely the Destiel scenes - and in this case, "you're hoping Castiel will return to you... I only wish he felt the same way" - now Cas returns and to Dean it seems like, well, he doesn't feel the same way.

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Dean hides in his room. He's not listening to Evanescence. He's doing some more angry searching for Kelly or whatever. WHATEVER *pouts harder*

Cas knocks, doesn't get an answer, and comes in anyway. In 10x03 he knocks and waits until Dean invites him to come in - a much more sensitive situation where he was concerned about how Dean felt in a way where Dean was sad and fragile. He's being a bit fragile now, in a slightly more ridiculous way, but Cas is just gonna barge in now. This isn't Cas being "such an angel" about doors (re: 9x22 and Gadreel barging in on Metatron, hi Dabb) which was something we were discussing after 10x03 and how Cas had a, well, not-angelic approach to doors. Cas CHOOSES to ignore the lack of invitation and barge in anyway and when it comes to Cas and social nuances, it's always worth pointing out what he does and doesn't already know.

[edit with hindsight: also - early warning he’s violating the space by not respecting Dean’s privacy and that this WAS an intrusion. I actually didn’t remember to analyse what I thought Cas was up to here, mostly because he WAS acting shifty so I didn’t know what to trust he was doing but not enough to guess what he WOULD do :P]

Also how to know if you still ship the thing: obviously predicted the only reason they'd show Dean in his room after he stomped off alone was if Cas came for a round 2 without Sam around to make it hard to talk, and for them to chat in a more personal, less conflict-y environment. And yet as soon as I see his dumb face on my screen my heart skips.

I think this is only the second time Cas has ever come into Dean's room, officially, aside from 10x03.

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Um

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...

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*rewinds*

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D-did Cas just... break up with Dean by giving him back the mix tape they made out to at prom or something

What the fuck

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*rewinds*

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"I just wanted to return this"

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No okay Cas definitely just broke up with Dean by giving him back the mix tape they made out to at prom

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Why though

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Why would you even write this into your show

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"It's a gift. You keep those."

Dean you are so broken hearted I'm gonna die

*Evanescence blaring in Dean's soul at top volume*

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I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me You used to captivate me by your resonating light Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years You still have all of me, me, me

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("My Immortal" - it seemed fitting :P)

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Yes I remember being 16. Who doesn't regret some things.

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Um I literally don't have any analysis of their interactions here because my brain shorted out and all I can think of is that this was literally the stupidest thing they've ever written if they don't think Destiel is a thing. I mean look at it.

At some point in the last say 5 years or whatever Dean's made Cas a mixtape.

-

And then Cas tried to give it back because Dean was a dick to him when he was upset about Cas leaving and not returning his calls.

And Dean was like fuck off it was a present because oh my god what the fuck Supernatural

-

I need to keep watching because I could very easily sit here yelling at the screen for the rest of the day and I only just remembered that Kelly's off dead or not in a bathtub and there's real problems here which aren't these two emo 16 year olds figuring out what a crush is in glacial slow motion.

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Oh NO there's a close up on their hands as Cas takes it back. And Cas makes another noise like he might say something and he doesn't and I'm actually going to CRY with FRUSTRATION

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Dean actually tries a little to explain why he's pissed from his POV without resorting to Evanescence lyrics.

"WE didn't know what had happened to you. WE were worried about you"

Dean you may have missed the recap, but uh, Dean it was all about you missing him. Last episode Sam even was like "he'll be fine" and you were like "..."

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"I didn't mean to add to your distress" you need to not sound sarcastic when you say these things because I know you mean it but you still sound pissed off with Dean and it's not heeelping

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Cas breaks my fucking heart talking about how he needed to bring a win back for Dean after failing so many times in a row and then Dean turns around and finally stops giving Cas the cold shoulder (LOL SHOULDERS) and faces him and says Cas isn't the only one "rolling snake eyes" (I'm quoting just because I love how Dean talks, I don't have anything profound to say about the gaming reference)

Now Dean is sounding as miserable as Cas

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wait hang on I just remembered that Dean gave Cas a mixtape

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They seem to be having a deep conversation challenging each other about if they would kill an innocent, phrased in those terms - I think Cas wants Dean to admit he couldn't because he's having doubts, but Heaven would want him to do it and Cas looks to Dean for guidance. Dean mentions how they've been researching how NOT to kill the baby to not much luck showing they don't WANT to but Cas is testing if this is even their last resort. The moral certainty in the situation is all messed up for them. They never want to kill innocents, but Sam at least has done it before intentionally for the sake of saving the world (4x22) and as much as they like finding other ways, the fate of the planet is a pretty strong motivator to go into a morally grey area...

Dean caves and says they're trying to find another way.

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We as in you and me, dumbass.

Less dumb, less ass, more trusting couple :3 That's their un break up get back together code word, because 9x10 put them back together

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I had the worrying thought Cas gave the mixtape back because he thought DEAN had broken up with HIM and that Cas had to reluctantly return all the things Dean gave him because if they were broken up what would Cas want with them any more they'd just remind him of Deeeean

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Mittens also suggested to me that it was Cas trying to show Dean that he felt he'd messed up and was trying to apologise and show that he knew he'd hurt Dean and that he didn't deserve the mixtape any more and this is honestly the worst thing I've ever read so I need to try and watch the rest now

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oh god I shouldn't have paused where I did because the next thing Dean does is get up, walk into Cas's space, talk about Team Free Will to Cas's face and I feel a piece of my soul that has been soaked in bitterness that Cas was unconscious and had no idea Dean called it that sarcastically once a million years ago, has finally been put to rest that Cas is now officially, knowingly, a member of Team Free Will and also that Dean remembered calling it that, apparently thinks of them as it.

It's so fucking fanservicey but you know what it's season 12, I fully intend to buy this on DVD when it comes out, I deserve my little TFW loving heart to have some fan service of Dean calling them that again despite it being one of those things where logically I'd say Dean should never repeat it because it was a off-hand comment that got blown all out of proportion by the fandom loving having a thing to call the squad.

(The part of me that makes bad speculative decisions is remembering that Dean used that phrase when he was resisting Michael and was a direct result of talking to him face to face and being told he had no free will - how that relates to the theme of the season is interesting because they're not facing any direct threat to their free will, apparently. But their choices still matter. Michael's not coming back. She says loudly and firmly to herself.)

[edit from later: well THERE’S your direct threat to your free will!]

Also it's including Cas and Dean using that phrase is a strong reminder that it's not just the brothers Winchester, but that Team Free Will is the main unit of the show - and Dean knows and acknowledges that (and has probably been reading Winchester Gospels meta to try and work out what would be the best songs to give Cas on his mixtape and incidentally picked up the idea the fandom liked calling them that)

[edit from later: reminding Cas he was a member of Team Free Will was fucking inviting that, you take it back Dean Winchester. I hate hindsight-activated dramatic irony]

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They were standing so close. I think Dean patted Cas's shoulder briefly on the way out the door. Also once the "official" conversation was over, Dean found it much harder to meet Cas's eye, probably because they're that close to kissing if there's nothing else to discuss.

Dean leaves and Cas is left standing in his room - the camera goes back to his face as he looks mournfully around Dean's room. Like. At his bed or something idk I'm not an expert

[efl: oh my god]

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I love Amanda Tapping and Bobo and Glynn. Buying them all a round.

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Anyway Kelly and Dagon.

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Oh dear, bloody bathtub, and no sign of Kelly?

She's sitting in the corner wrapped in something that looks kind of like an American flag or has one in the corner, and is kind of stunned in a I just had a religious experience way about her baby not letting her die. She loves him, is the problem.

Look at all this character complexity wow

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She spoke to her baby about how they couldn't be together and they had to die, but the baby saved them both - for now - and honestly she was a religious woman anyway... I wonder if she thinks that the baby preserving its safety in the womb while its not ready to be born is a sign it will protect her and Dagon is wrong and that the baby loves her back... A good cover for if we go back to Buckleming characterisation, Kelly being reluctant and protective of the baby even if she obviously hates being imprisoned and is terrified, we now have a few different sides to her feelings about it explored...

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*Amanda messing around filming through the bunker railings because they're fun* this time Sam caught in a circle. He was caught in a triangle in 12x16 so I'm starting to think the theme is that Sam is trapped, in a weird way. Not sure if foreshadowing or representative of his mental state. Obviously he floats around on the surface a lot making head choices instead of heart choices, and they still think they're working for the BMoL even if it's shady and weird, they're still technically ON that decision, or, well, Sam is. Even if this episode is unrelated, the triangle was pretty much for that in 12x16 as far as I could tell, so now it's just repeating Sam is trapped. As well as sitting at the Bunker table with his feet up so he's lost 2 tally marks already towards wanton bunker mistreatment and we're like 10 minutes into the episode...

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Uhoh, Sam isn't sleeping. Dean seems to be wandering through the Bunker, hopefully carrying a cloud of "we're communicating now?" with him. Maybe they will TALK *gasp* *sound of a glass shattering in the otherwise silence*

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Sam: so we can't find Dagon Me: you better not fuckin say what I think - Sam: what if we find the nephilim Me: ho don't do it Sam: it's half-angel Me: fuck off Sam Sam: remember Gadreel Me: EVERY DAY Sam: there was a spell Me: I FUCKING KNOW Sam: I'm an idiot Me: Listen we have proposed this idea like every single random plot twist that's happened since 9x11 and if you say what I think you're about to say then yes I'm sitting with Dean and judging you from here to ever for this Sam: omg how did we forget we had that grace extracting needle thingy in the basement for 3 years Me: Because you're a fucking idiot and I love you but you need to know.

I watched 9x10-12 very recently, like, this week recently, and I am distressed and Sam is predictable if you have been screeching through the walls of reality at him for a few weeks - apparently he heard me

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Sam is also sitting in the library, not in the exact place he was in 9x10 in his head, but Dean just went to get a beer and came found him and in 9x10 imaginary Dean yelled at Sam if he wanted a beer and didn't show up so this somehow folded the entire thing back in on itself and this is why Dabb era agitates my migraines

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I just can't believe that for once in our fuckin' lives we were like what if this happened and then a few weeks later on the show Sam's like wait what if we actually did the thing that the fans all instantly decided we should do

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Dean's "yay we found another way!" look

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Cas isn't in his room (CAS HAS A FUCKING ROOM IN THE BUNKER PARADE) and I am so baffled because I thought that he was still in Dean's room chilling on Dean's bed waiting for him to get back with the beers that I couldn't understand why Dean even thought Cas was in another room.

I mean to be fair the show has been so fan fictiony I can be allowed to forget that Dean supposedly wouldn't forget that

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shoving aside my mistaken idea Cas was still in Dean's room, Dean gets a whole lot of sad music while staring mournfully into Cas's room after Cas was last seen staring mournfully into Dean's room

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TBH Dagon's starting to sound more and more like an overbearing helicopter parent who has the whole plan for lil Satan Jr's life. Does mother know best? It's literally a debate of interpretation coming from their desires - Dagon wants him to be an evil monster who takes over the world and consumes everything. Kelly just wants him to be a regular kid (and Sam and Dean have maybe hit on the way to do that) and interprets his actions as loving her back and using his powers for good.

I suppose if Satan jr isn't evil then it'll be a story about mother's love being right, which could be interesting with where the Mary stuff goes. I still hope there's a reckoning about Sam and Mary and the Azazel deal which of course this mirrors even if so far it's been a bit weird about it because it's just kind of over there happening. Sam got to explore this with Magda and the Hitler's great niece thing, and came to the same conclusion they weren't evil, whatever their family or powers were. And same for himself, something he had to cope with (the Hitler episode makes more sense now with the nephilim story). Now we have the nephilim and Sam has been keeping himself up at night until he hit on a way to give it a chance from birth to be good and uncorrupted, like he never got.

Dagon's talking about being right at the baby's side, about nurturing and loving him - being at his side to help him kill everything, like a mother should. Now we have Dagon actively competing to be the other mother figure, the evil one. Kelly and Dagon as like, shoulder angel and demon to the baby. Two competing motherly instincts. Possibly representative of the torn loyalties/actions Mary's been through, from her deal with Azazel through to deciding to work with the BMoL and all the Ketch stuff, on the Dagon side, and her genuine love for Sam and Dean and wanting what's best for them on the Kelly side. As a metaphor for her entire influence on their lives and the story of the show, the Dagon side has utterly won out, as her deal took her from Sam and all she could do was offer one "sorry" as a ghost (the loving, ineffectual Kelly side), before Sam was left to the vulnerability of being jerked around by demons and eventually by Lucifer himself until he was possessed by him. But Kelly has a trust in the baby's nature, and Sam is inherently good, although tbh I may be forgetting everything but has this literally not been addressed from Mary's POV since 12x03 (hi Berens) where her idea of Sam and Dean were represented with the little 4 year old ghost for Dean, and the FREAKY MONSTER BABY in the crib? I was so sure there'd be a deeper exploration of Mary's issues with this - that Sam had been made into a monster and what he'd been through. Kelly having a moment where she is so convinced by Dagon's words that the baby is a monster that she'd rather kill herself to take it out with her, might mirror the sort of revulsion Mary COULD have, even for a moment, learning what Sam was made into. But Kelly loves the baby anyway and trusts its nature and intentions.

We'll see who's right.

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Cas cas cas cas

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He never looks happy. I can never tell when he's just grumpy or actually worried about something.

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But in this case, yeah he stole the Colt :P Curse your sudden yet inevitable betrayal.

-

Blah blah stuff I was saying about homes and loyalties. And now I get why Mittens was suggesting he gave the tape back as an apology - he knows Dean will be mad about what he's about to do, and already IS mad at Cas for how he's acted so far, so really what hope does Cas have of escaping with Dean's good opinion after doing what needs to be done (he hasn't said it yet but pfft I'm deep in season 9 now, that phrase haunts me). If he WAITED he'd know Sam hit on an answer and they could have TFW'd it, but his loyalty to Heaven has confused things. This is 6x21 I guess - Cas comes in to have an emotional conversation with Dean at the end of 6x20 but in 6x21 Bobby reveals he stole important lore he had on opening Purgatory - in fact, it WAS the lead Cas needed to get the thing done. So we're still on the season 6 repeat, but of course Cas is more reasonable even if he's conflicted right now and seeming to pick Heaven (mostly because he's conflicted and even if Dean's pissed at Cas he makes it really super clear he loves him and sees him as part of the team as well - now for Cas to catch on :P) ... I think there's time for Cas to come around that he didn't have in season 6 as this is earlier in the season.

-

UGH Cas you need to change your phone background. WHY is it still the Buddy Boyle cloudburst. Did you steal your phone from an angel you killed back in season 9 or something? I mean I know you have a new phone since then so why do you keep using that background???

dear art department,

get a new picture of the sun coming from behind a cloud, seriously,

love from,

someone who re-watches season 9 all the time

-

Anyway that's a lot of missed calls and texts from Dean - after that apology, right back to doing the same thing.

The fact Cas takes his phone out and looks each time while it rings out is just awful

the decisive way he hits the reject call button and tucks his phone into his inside pocket, next to his heart - and where he was keeping the mix tape

-

Kelvin literally spelling out "You're doing the right thing, putting angelkind above the Winchesters" pfft

pointing out someone is doing the right thing as a reassurance IMMEDIATELY says there's a conflict whether this is the right thing or not, and then he makes it clear that Cas is putting angels above the Winchesters I mean, this is basic :P Cas belong with the Winchesters, heaven is manipulating him, he needs constant reassurance it's the right thing while being torn by all the love and family and having a room and Dean making him mixtapes...

But then Cas turns it around that he isn't dealing with this conflict at all, actually, and he's like, I'm doing this FOR the Winchesters (that word again - "for" - what Cas uses every time he makes a decision, and while dealing with the consequences, explains that it was FOR them, or has someone else tell him it was all FOR Dean or whatever (hi Metatron). He is putting them above everything again, like he did in 12x09 when he killed Billie - he'd rather do something reckless and stupid to keep them AWAY from a problem that could get them hurt, and he will lose their trust and faith but know they're alive and well... Same deal in season 6, never coming to them. "where were you when I needed to hear it?" - well, giving you back your fucking mixtape because it is a symbol that we love and trust each other and don't take that back even when we hurt each other.

I think the problem is Cas still feels like an angel to them (Mittens is watching 6x20 over there and mentioning it just enough to drive me crazy :P) - he still considers himself the Winchesters' guardian... Aka he is an angel who will outlive them and he just wants them, from an abstract, faraway place, to be happy and well... He will sacrifice anything to get that done but Dean (and Sam) just want him around hanging out with them, as part of the family unit, TFW working together on a problem and doing it the hard way as long as it means honest, together, and as a team. And for Cas to be integrated into the family, and maybe there are easier shortcuts (the lazy way to kill the monster is just to bring the Colt along instead of doing extra research to figure out a better way - the theme of the season being better ways) but better to do things the harder way and get the better result and to all love and trust each other at the end of the day and to feel happy in what we did, not sick and morally compromised.

(I really hope Dean admitting he wanted to find a better way as a way of saying he didn't want to kill the nephilim is the guidance Cas needed - that this subverts the "i watched you rake leaves" thing but... aaaah)

-

Anyway Cas's face when he says he'll kill the girl so they don't have to... CAS the call you rejected was because they FOUND THE BETTER WAY

-

Also not for nothing but the Colt can't kill Lucifer - how confident are we it can kill his kid?

-

But pfft Joshua thinking Cas is doing it to save his reputation - that he cares about the Winchesters more than Heaven - and Cas is like pfft screw my reputation in Heaven I'm doing this to protect Sam and Dean from tarnishing their lovely little souls.

-

pfft

-

hey a redshirt angel showed up

-

Cas leading a bunch of angels while holding the Colt. I am confused about how much I like this. I don't like it at all because of what he's doing but it's also sort of cool to see Cas at work doing stuff by himself (ish) like how he naturally leads angels, how he has the Colt (and the angels follow his lead because he has 1000x the experience of them put together but the lil baby has shot one shotgun once in his whole life... uh.)

-

We need the gun range scene where Dean teaches Cas to shoot

-

I like that Dagon is watching TV though. I mean she has a pretty boring job tbh - she has to wait out a pregnancy and she's confident the baby she wants to survive will survive and she doesn't care about the mother's survival so what else is there to do but watch TV

-

Seriously, Cas is still just sneaking through the house and I have no idea if he knows how to shoot it or even hold it. The one promo pic of him with it wasn't super inspiring. I sort of feel like he's going to waste a bunch of bullets.

Be hilarious if he had an Eileen parallel since that was even in the recap and Eileen and Cas were paralleled so much in 12x17 - why wouldn't Cas have an epic slo mo but Dagon dissolves away and random redshirt angel gets it? :P

-

LOL Cas shot and she disappeared

-

*awards self some chocolate*

-

He didn't get the slo mo or kill the other guy but I'll fuckin' take it

-

now he has to decide, Dagon or Kelly as the second bullet?

-

Or just give up now and maybe she'll let them go because it's hilarious to watch them run

-

oh look Dagon's about to kill the red shirt

anyway Cas was lining up another shot at her while she was distracted - prioritising killing her over killing Kelly - and then Kelvin stops him and tells him to find Kelly. Obviously to kill her, but I feel like Cas is gonna make off with her if the promo pics are anything to go by - tempted by the idea of a better way? Just can't kill her? I should prrroobably just watch... No point speculating things randomly when I don't have any meta ideas for why that aren't obvious :P

Kelvin is pretty brave to leap into that fight - I hope he doesn't get dusted

-

Cas holding the gun at hip height also means he's shooting at Kelly's stomach if he can fire

-

He did change the way he was holding it from the other times so I think that's very symbolic now.

-

Also the camera is making Cas into the monster, and Kelly is terrified :<

-

Yep she remembered his name and Cas bottled out of killing her and made off with her. Which I think also bought Kelvin some screen time because Dagon was too busy realising her captive was unattended to finish him off.

Cas had Kelly at his mercy and couldn't do it, so I suppose now he calls up the Winchesters and fesses up?

-

This is the halfway point of the episode

-

Oh look now Cas has betrayed them, SAM gets to make the call - 7x01 there, Dean stops reaching out to Cas, Sam does it instead because Dean is feeling too betrayed and hurt to deal with it. The first call was probably "dude where are you, we found a better way" but this is immediately post betrayal

-

When the animated japanese erotica thing came up again in 12x06, I did not seriously credit that we'd get a repeat of the whole shebang :P

-

Dabb era, man. Fuckin' Dabb era

-

Anyway Dean's angrily loading guns which he does when he's pissed

-

Pfft Dean and the Colt... it's a thing. He had it under his pillow. So Cas WAS staring longingly at Dean's bed and wanted the uh, phallic gun that was under it. The gun that Dean's trying to absorb into his own being because he has such a thing for waving the phallic gun around and wanting to shoot it.

Pfffffffft.

And he feels used because Cas came into his room and took something private and trusted from his bed - they had a MOMENT and Dean dared to express his love for Cas and... this is how Cas repaid him.

Listen this is why I don't speculate: the little clip of Dean looking pissed when they meet Cas at the motel? Way past the halfway point because I haven't even seen it yet. Dean isn't pissed because Cas hasn't talked to them for months and that's the first time he sees him. He's pissed because he made Cas a mixtape, Cas tried to give it back, then Dean professed his love, and Cas betrayed the trust of his BED.

Dean is a lover spurned and he wants to kick Cas's butt for it - he starts talking about Cas being "feathery" and turning him back into an angel (or junkless or whatever) whenever he's really pissed. The more he's happy with Cas the more human he is ("morning, sunshine, want some coffee?") and the more upset and spurned he is the more his language refers to Cas as an angel and all the shit Dean's said about them since season 4 comes back up.

And he pointedly packs an angel blade. I mean, he's seriously feeling violated by this >.>

-

Sam plays the mediator a lot because Dean and Cas can be so fucking unreasonable about each other because they're emo teenagers when it comes to their feelings for each other. It's not Sam's personality, per say, it's just he had to watch his brother say he'll kick Cas's ass while packing an angel blade and Sam has to be like "!!! no !!!"

-

"He came into my room and he played me" "He played us both"

^ Sam popping up in the background "and Sam!"

Just... the fact Sam is so tacked on after Dean and Cas had a deep personal moment about the fucking mixtape Dean made Cas (I haven't stopped grinning since that happened and it's really affecting how I view this episode). Sam just isn't personally violated after a deep emotional moment.

"He came into my room"

I mean

It's so PERSONAL

(You’re talking by the war room table - bad idea)

And that could mean anything to Sam - he doesn't know it was JUST about the mixtape, and that Cas essentially was relying on Dean storming out the room as he usually does when he talks to Cas to get the Colt. I mean, Dean n Cas could have had a wild make up sex moment, and then Dean went off to get beer and left Cas lying in his bed, where he just so happened to get his hands on the Colt. Sam doesn't know the details of this violation :P

(But, ignoring the gross romantic overtones of what ACTUALLY happened, this is how it's playing)

-

*Cas angry driving*

-

Kelly trying to make light of the fact Cas didn't murder her, like, thanks, you came in and pointed a gun at me but then bottled out and somehow it's still the best thing that happened to me all day.

-

Cas looks sadder than ever. "Please don't thank me. I had a mission and I failed." Now he's got all emotionally messed up by not wanting to kill an innocent, Sam and Dean are in trouble, and he knows the ball is back in their court if he can't do the one thing he thought he had to to make this go away for them. His sadness is that they're going to get entangled in this again one way or the other. And instead of feeling like he took the moral high ground, and that it's good he didn't kill Kelly, it's just another list of failures this season - the vampire hunt, not finding Sam and Dean in prison, letting Kelly get away the first time, probably a ton of feelings of blame for all the other episodes where they didn't have stunning results that he was involved in like 12x07, 12x10, 12x12...

"And now I don't know" - Cas not knowing what to do is when he panics. He likes knowing what to do :< He has a wee bit of a bad track record when he doesn't know what to do with himself, whether it's because something else latches onto his lack of direction, or he leaps into a bad decision by himself...

-

Dagon lying to Lucifer - does that even work?

Nope.

"Which one?" "Castiel" *Lucifer literally breaks down into hysterical despairing laughter* I think he never wants to hear that name again...

he called Cas a "purse dog" which is even worse than the normal dog references levelled at Cas. Yikes.

-

That was actually not a cringeworthy scene, maybe because Lucifer and Crowley weren't talking :P

-

Is Cas actually trying to call Sam and Dean?

-

Nope, he called Joshua. Oh dear, he was getting orders. He sounds so season 4. And that defeated tone of voice as he recites to Kelly how she has to die.

(Oh no, Cas actually EXPLAINING what would happen if a human stepped through the gate with the sort of technical detail nerds eat up, and Cas sounding all cosmic and like it's not weird at all to casually contemplate what would happen to your atoms when you tried to go through a gate to Heaven that wasn't meant to let you through... I've always loved physics professor Cas, especially a non-AU one where he just goes to teach it because why not.)

-

"Your child could bring the universe to its knees" "Or lift it to its feet. This baby - nothing is born evil" "I can't take that chance. None of us can."

*flails at these lines* I'm starting to like Kelly. She's arguing a pretty simplistic POV but it's one in line with the whole Team Free Will thing and the idea of hope - this season has had a lot of hope and hopelessness. The 3rd way isn't mentioned - that it's a normal baby and Kelly goes to live a regular life and all the powerful forces lose interest in her and the baby... In a way Cas's POV is mired in years of trauma and saving the universe and making complicated shades of grey decisions and harsh choices for the greater good, or, well, for Dean. Because of Dean. Everything always about Dean.

-

I don't WANNA make everything about Destiel but "none of us can" is about Dean, and Dean made Cas a mixtape and everything is awful

-

Poor Kelvin.

-

"W W C D - what would Castiel do?" that's the weirdest Jesus imagery attached to Cas but I kind of want one of those rubber bracelets they used to hand out with phrases like that on :P

of course what Cas would do is the big question, and so far he's been pretty reliably unreliable and making bad decisions out of heart

-

Too much heart etc

-

*Cas closes all the blinds and moves Kelly around.* He's sort of acting like a prison guard too.

-

Kelly describing how she killed herself - also great dialogue and acting... Wow I'm really starting to like her. They're having to work with her being a bit of a religious ditz in some respects - interpreting it as a miracle and using that word - but they're making up for so much lost time with her characterisation and filling in the person behind all the being dragged around. Kelly has HOPE and LOVE for her baby and felt its power as goodness... Then she speaks just a little too long and stops sounding sure and starts sounding like she just wishes it was a miracle/is the sort of person prone to believing in them, and a plan, a higher power, which has been utterly debunked since season 5 and we have to know that as an audience that she's talking too far into her simplistic ideas unaffected by the gritty reality of Heaven and Hell in this world. I mean sure she's got such a simple view on it all but she's got a stance and she's been through a change and she's sticking with it.

Cas listening to all this - the way his face moves when she talks about giving up and killing herself. Oh no. He understands :< And it's her talking about a higher power that gets him to sit down and talk to her.

Cas talking about his season 4 self and then saying they're all "winging it" oh no oh no.

Oh noooo

And now he has to describe that Lucifer has no plan and that unlike Sam, born to a great destiny after a huge amount of manipulation to meet what seemed to be the originally described destiny of the universe since it was created, as per God, Kelly has this devil baby for no reason except Lucifer passing on the existential angst he's suffering since existing outside of The Plan

-

Really, Raphael was extremely ahead of the curve in having a massive existential crisis about wtf you do when you run out of story. Cas seemed to think it was an optimistic thing at the start of season 6 according to 6x20, and the rope you hang yourself with when you have free will by the end of it. But this season, after God left and wrote his final manuscript and all the stuff with Metatron and writing was cleared away - there's REALLY no story left and season 12, literally another half of the show later, is getting back to this freak out.

-

"I'm sorry. You were just there."

-

That did sound really heavy-handed that Cas might end up having to protect the nephilim if it's born and Kelly dies, and that she was seeing Cas as a potential guardian...

Of course then Cas puts his hand on her stomach when she makes him, smiles a bit despite himself, because, idk, the miracle of life... But then either Lucifer or the baby uses that contact to see stuff - the conflict at the portal I guess. With yellow eyes roar-y sound effects.. I guess Lucifer or Dagon will learn this, and the nephilim is working against Cas and Kelly...

-

*brief interlude where we have a guest for dinner so I disappear for ages*

ANYWAY I need to get back to this I was interrupted right as Cas and Kelly were having an EPIC conversation about choice it's killing me :P

mittensmorgul good luck. I've got it paused about 2/3 of the way through

elizabethrobertajones Cas just had his hand put on the tummy - forcefully - and he smiled but actually something bad appears to have happened because her eyes lit up and did the demon roary sound effecct

mittensmorgul RIGHT?!

elizabethrobertajones I think the nephilim is spying on them for Lucifer >.> idk if that proves it's evil or if he just has a magic connection?? and it's being exploited and the poor baby is a tool as well WHO KNOWS theeeemes

-

Anyway I guess they both sensed that - I don't think Kelly is evil but Cas seems to have maaaaybe seen what it saw? Got a premonition for free?? Who knows. Coming right after the talk about Cas being a potential guardian I think the vision showed him protecting her, so it may be pretty significant that he's going to be their guardian... The vision MAY be benign in some senses for THEIR conversation even if it seems kind of dangerous that that might be how Dagon finds them at the portal by having a vision OF her attacking them at the portal or something

-

Thinking of happening to find people, Dean is at the door. Knock knock, that's my gun.

-

Woah finally a circumstance to flip that time Cas slammed Dean against a wall

They're framed in the circle this time - interesting we had Sam alone in one circle and Dean and Cas in a charged situation in the other circle

-

Sam and Dean have both chosen to wear their best jackets for this

-

Uh, anyway. Argh, Cas getting pushed against the wall and just kind of going and watching Dean, and Dean's so angry, and Cas is just... letting him shove him around. I think letting is the operative word. These days angels aren't quite so iron rigid that like 4x22 you punch them and it makes a clang if they don't want to get punched. But yeah. Cas is still an angel, and he didn't HAVE to get shoved harmlessly against the wall. He could push back, but he KNOWS he did something that would piss Dean off, and he's just gonna ride it out and take the blame and take the punishment... The mission isn't finished yet so he would probably do anything to make sure it was, but only with the "for Dean" tick box checked, that it wouldn't hurt Dean in the process >.>

-

elizabethrobertajones HOLYC RAP SAm was suspicious THE ENTIRE TIME?? He put the tracking thing on Cas's phone while Dean was being "scammed" out of the Colt because dean let his guard down and fell for Cas's little moment with the tape and he was over-emotional about  keeping the Colt close

mittensmorgul yep

elizabethrobertajones and Sam saw something fishy about the way Cas wouldn't look them in the eye and managed to 10 steps ahead Cas while Dean was giving him heart eyes and calling him a "dumbass"

mittensmorgul yep, but Cas was looking Dean in the eye. A lot.

elizabethrobertajones sweet sweet eye love making Ugh :P Dean only looked away at the end when he said he was going to get a beer and I think he was gonna kiss Cas if he didn't distract himself

mittensmorgul yeah

elizabethrobertajones I wonder if Cas's plan B was fall into bed with Dean, grab the colt when he was distracted last night on earth their relationship like yeah he'll never trust me again but

mittensmorgul oh no wait for Dean to nod off and then grab the gun and run

elizabethrobertajones sorry that's kind of morbid :P but yeah

mittensmorgul D:

elizabethrobertajones >.> Okay I hate that but I sort of think it was somewhere on Cas's plans >.> he's heaven's greatest strategist after all went in there with a goal to distract Dean and get the Colt at whatever cost (friendship wise) to protect Dean in the long term

mittensmorgul yeah, I don't think he counted it out as a possibility

elizabethrobertajones I wrote a long thing about how he still sees himself as their guardian and not quite sure about being their friend, after you reminded me of 6x20

mittensmorgul Yeah, because he could live with Dean not trusting him, as long as DEAN WAS ALIVE to not trust him...

elizabethrobertajones or at least he's not sure he can trust he'd be their BFF

mittensmorgul yeah

elizabethrobertajones but he CAN do huge gestures from afar that protect them even if it's at the cost of their relationship the abstract concept of alive winchesters matters to Cas in an angel-y way

-

"She's difficult to kill, okay?!" "you think?" yeah they're all struggling with this at the moment :P All having the same encounters but apart and coming to the same BLOODY OBVIOUS conclusions

gosh maybe WORKING TOGETHER is the answer

-

Oh gosh Cas isn't the babysitter

...

...

...

*obligatory fandom reference despite the fact Cas has never brought pizza to the bunker which tbh now I think about it is really rude of him and probably on Dean's list of reasons he's currently pissed at Cas*

-

Anyway Cas tries to do the same speech he's done in 12x09 about how he wants to protect them and keep them safe and so he does dumbass things to do so

Dean's like WHEN ARE WE EVER SAFE. LAST WEEK A BLOOD-DRINKING GOD HAD ME KNOCKED OUT AND SARAN-WRAPPED IN A MEAT LOCKER AND THAT WAS A NORMAL THURSDAY NIGHT

-

The answer is for Cas to come on all the MotW to hold his hand

[edit from future!me: you’re always right when you’re sarcastic trope x what you expect but not how you expected it]

-

At least he's being honest about his motivations.

-

... Dean has no way of knowing it's a sandbox unless Cas told them, so there's that for off-screen communication.

Kelly has a "sandbox!" moment of realisation of what she saw... Was it Cas protecting her from Dagon or the angels she wonders?

-

"We've found another way!" "which you'd know if you answered the phone" I love when episodes answer my own meta neatly within the time limit :P No loose end on that one.

Cas having the similar ?!?!? moment of realising how silly they were to forget about this.

I mean he has grumpy quibbles about it and holy crap in my 9x11 rewatch I got so distracted by how the needle was not just extracting gadreel's grace but the left over god crap in Sam (as I realised the trials and mark of cain were essentially EXACTLY the same thing from 2 different ends of the spectrum - big helping of Chuck mojo to wield his power, being helping of Amara mojo to wield her power. Sam flashed back to doing the trials - to significantly EARLY in doing the trials, right back to 8x17.) and I wondered if that was screwing with the results, and also why the spell failed.

It's not like a woah angel fall spell revelation but it was something I was wondering about and honestly after sitting around wondering about the mechanics of it for an afternoon just for kicks a while back, the fact this is all back in the spotlight is really making me laugh

-

Anyway, Kelly's not up for it >.>

Come back Kelly

-

She thinks both of them dying together (which she was aiming for at the start but for bad reasons but also self-sacrificing reasons which are still motivating her here, that she'd go with Cas to protect everyone) is better than living but with her baby just being a regular old human baby. Dean values humanity above anything - "at least he dies human!" he said about Sam in 4x21 when Bobby suggested detoxing would kill him. If there's a chance for them to LIVE human then that's the happy dream ending, the case solved, random humans can go back to their lives like nothing happened DREAM for Dean so he thinks Kelly has lost her mind. She's working on very different principles here and agreeing with Cas about what to do but not why - Cas just wants to protect humanity (and by humanity - yeah you know the drill)

-

If Cas steals the impala too I'm going to scream.

-

"it's like herding cats"

-

I love when Dean and Cas have long staring competitions though.

Cas seems to agree to talk and drags Kelly off in much the same way as Dagon dragged her off. Even though they agree and he is seeming to be protective of her, and LIKES Kelly and sees her as a person now (despite his original intention to just shut his eyes and kill her)... but yeah, still just the other side of the coin of Heaven and Hell pulling her around and controlling her.

-

*camera takes its eye off Cas*

-

*whoops back on it to watch Misha fumbling catching the keys* I wonder how many takes before Amanda gives up and is like fine we'll use that one - at least you CAUGHT them

-

huh, he gets in the back. That is NOT what I was expecting.

-

What the heck Cas you don't just throw the keys to Kelly

Now she's gonna steal the car

-

okay so like I said, things are predictable but not how you expect... Dabb era in a nutshell and also cars are involved

-

I wonder if Cas didn't immediately stop Kelly stealing the car because he knows they're both indestructible but the car isn't and Dean is in the mood where he will actually stab Cas if the car gets busted up.

-

There's something a lot like Hael here, which is how Cas's story all started with the character reboot of human Cas (he never recovered from it emotionally; Cas between 8x23 and 9x01 are more different than 9x01 and now Cas in some ways)

But yeah, the "where are you going?" "heaven and I'll make you tell me how to go there" thing - it's the same assured way Hael uses to talk about how they'll go see the grand canyon and then she'll possess him.

-

And he hopes he can talk her out of it. He agreed to talk to Dean about options but Kelly has decided what is best for her and her kid - to go to Heaven, where she's clearly imagining a Mary's Heaven she left behind scenario of chillaxing with her baby even though Heaven doesn't work like that. Now he can't talk to Dean about options but he's stuck in the car with Kelly... all he can do is talk if he doesn't want to crash the car

-

oh no Lucifer must have been talking to her pretending to be the baby. Weird contradictory if I go with your plan (to go to Heaven and be obliterated) then you'd make sure my son is born? And she thinks it was talking to her. Now it's full on creepy if it was ACTUALLY the baby, but... I suspect foul play

-

Oh why does Cas never get anything good. We have the exact same Hael situation except at least Hael wasn't being controlled/manipulated (can we retcon all of Kelly’s silly actions were because of this?) and just had no idea how to want things in a human non-creepy way and seemed to think what she wanted was good in a rational angel way. But Kelly has a ton of confidence all of a sudden, like... a divine purpose, but obviously not :P And suddenly all that stuff about protecting her child? That seemed really sweet and nice when she and Cas were talking person to person before the creepy stuff started? Now she wants to FORCE it on him and give him no choice. She's in the driver's seat in a stolen car, making the demands, and now she's taken choice out of the equation >.>

-

Anyway Kelly really wants a guardian angel but Cas already has his hands full with the bloody Winchesters

hijacking their angel too

-

Cas continues to have his existential crisis and instead of pointing out some legit complaints about being abducted and forced into it, he lists even more of his failures that he's accrued since the LAST time he was listing all of his failures

this is like... the worst day ever for Cas, and he once got stabbed with a thing meant to kill angels by turning them into black foam from the inside out :P

-

He betrayed his friends - his FAMILY

-

Holy shiiiit Kelly is talking about her PAST and who she was before she was the container for Lucifer's baby what is thiiiis?

*low bar leapt over with style*

-

"I wish I had your faith" "You will" Oh gosh those are creepy lines from her. And tragic ones from Cas. Because he really has no faith any more in anything because he knows that the higher powers are on holiday and the original plan ended 6 years ago and everything since has been a series of over-reacting disasters usually his fault.

-

I am so pleased that the Kelly actress (who I don't even know the NAME of because she's been so insignificant that no one talks about her and presumably so hated she's keeping a low profile) has actually had stuff to do... I hope people weren't predisposed to hate her because she'd done nothing so far and were willing to give her a chance with better writers, because as a salvage job on her character this isn't half bad. She's still doing really irrational stuff but she's by now clearly being manipulated, and her actual moments of character stuff outside of that are actually exploring who she is, what she wants, and how this has changed her, working within the pretty crappy bounds of this story but at least giving the actress stuff to work with and the character some depth.

-

Anyway Dean hates Cas's truck :<

I mean it's symptomatic of this current break up where Cas tried to give the mixtape back and all but

(I split up with my angel boyfriend and all I got in the divorce was this shitty truck)

-

elizabethrobertajones OH NO Dean's sympathetic to Cas's pliiiiiiight even while he's piiiisssed "he's so desperate for a win he can't even see straight"

mittensmorgul I KNOW

elizabethrobertajones and that's while being totally furious at him

mittensmorgul SCREAMING FOREVER

elizabethrobertajones and Sam has no idea and Dean's keeping a tally of all the miserable stuff Cas has been through

-

Uhoh, the Heaven portal.

Why do I have a feeling this is going to go terribly.

Cas can get a win on HIS terms if he thinks/knows Kelly will be obliterated by doing this (and he asks if she's sure). She thinks she's about to - I have no idea, but survive this and have her baby so SHE'S sure about what SHE thinks this is about.

and will totally not give Cas his win

but he's kind of been manhandled into doing this

so

does it even count even if it WORKED

which it won’t

-

"As long as you're here I know it's going to be okay"

*Cas like ....*

-

Ew why is Joshua this random white bloke

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Okay so he did die instantly, which would have been shitty if it had been the other guy or ANY black dude as a hasty re-casting (especially as we have no idea how Kelvin is at this point but I'm guessing NOT GOOD) buuut even so :P

I mean it was intentionally meant to be a record scratch end that idea moment that Heaven was really going to be up for much or have any useful sway on this, or that Josha was meant to be anything... But ugh :P Well, on the whole I guess bland white guy getting insta-killed is better than a black dude being pointlessly added to their tally, but Joshua was the last named angel in Heaven, really cool when we actually met him (this doesn't feel like it counts) and definitely always the cool angel we met that day because it's so important in that instance. Like yeah this whole onging existential crisis thing - he was the warning sign of that in 5x16 where Cas lost faith that day because of what he said that confirmed the universe was this badly run, and where we are is now deep in the results of the universe having a god that doesn't care and being a mere 6 years post apocalypse and being run by no one, not even the archangels who'd kept order in the meantime, or the way Joshua had talked to God. And it removes God's last link here except in the main characters and their new stewardship of the earth, their legacy handed to them by God in 11x23...

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Mneh, I liked Joshua from 5x16 though and even it fits with this theme of the season and was MEANT to be disappointing, it is hard to separate what the show does wrong from what it does intentionally to unsettle and upset you :P

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Anyway Dagon doing stuff

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Does Cas still have the Colt on him - was there even time in all the hassle for Dean to get it back?

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Aw Kelvin's dead.

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Pfft yeah Dean took the Colt and so Cas is going into this with basically nothing

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Dagon is revealing how it was aaaall a manipulation, apparently including letting Kelly think Cas was supposed to protect her, even to bring her there.

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"sad fluttering aimless little moth"

Oh she's distracted picking Cas up to shake him around some more. Maybe Kelly will continue stealing things and take Cas's angel blade and stab Dagon :P

This episode has done enough to not make it wasteful or annoying to kill her off, since she's actually been genuinely threatening and terrifying and right now if Kelly kills her it's a real victory

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Nope, the shitty truck shows up just in time because Winchesters always have your back and somehow know where your heaven portal is parked

wAIT

10x17 Sam was here before

I'm really starting to lose track of season 10 and need to get on with that rewatch holy crap that was embarrassing.

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I mean in an episode ABOUT the sandbox and I even thought about Bobbby earlier when Cas was talking about humans not being able to go through it so he did to talk to Bobby, I mean really come on Lizzy

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Anyway Sam shoots Dagon pointlessly but enough times to make her drop Cas RIGHT as she was about to dust him, and Dagon was talking ironically about showing up in the nick of time

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Noooooooooooooooo RIP Colt

I did not see Yellow Eyed Demon kills Colt instead of the other way around

It did not die in slow motion which is even more disappointing

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Aaaaah Kelly powering up Cas

I sort of feel like she's made him her puppet - that the nephilim has "chosen" Cas because he's a good conduit for the power. This is very very not good and again because control is being taken away from Cas and it seems so creepy, it's not a good thing that he's the guardian. If Kelly's vision was from the nephilim, Cas is now in a very dangerous situation that her baby likes him and wants to use him while it can't use its powers for itself.

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I think it's awesome a YED died by burning up, not going to lie :P

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Not sure Cas knows what happened

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OH NO Cas is talking like he knows his purpose in the world in that kind of calm everything's great way

Our Cas is a mess who has no idea wtf he's doing so yeah...

(He did however heal Dean by putting his hand over his arm and catching his thumb under his hand so that's like 10% of hand holding >.>)

Anyway Dean gets to worry about him.

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"I know now this child has to be born with ALL of his power" ... Yeah that's exactly what Kelly wanted

Oh boy

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"I have faith"

Who are you and what have you done to Cas

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Which can be an actual literal question on this show :P

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I guess if we're going with the season 6 parallels this is a kind of creepy godstiel thing going on here but he's just a conduit to the power and is slightly off to the side as the guardian angel, though I suspect it's a similar problem >.>

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LOL we're not going to let you walk away

*boop*

he does Sam first, of course

"??? Don't - "

*boop*

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CHRIST you didn't have to drag the moose skull hanging from Cas's dash OVER SAM that's SO FUCKING RUDE

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My dad phoned right at this point so that was bad timing :P

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ANYWAY that makes me SO WORRIED about Sam. He keeps being isolated and put in little circles and triangles and I've been dreading the moose skull omen since 12x01 and now it's on top of Sam finally. AAAH.

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Tbh there's equally scary Dean might die symbolism but the Sam stuff is wigging me out this year :P

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ANYWAY Cas has lost his agency AGAIN to a Lucifer influence AGAIN

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Can't believe Amanda Tapping made Cas leave Dean lying on the floor like... there's rude and then there's RUDE.

(I mean Sam was there too but look there was not 1 dead Sam in that warehouse)

I CAN’T BELIEVE AMANDA TAPPING TOOK CAS’S AGENCY AGAIN 

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Also Sam and Dean lying there pointed away from each other - going different ways.

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I jokingly wrote to Mittens that Cas is driving off into the future and then remembered that's how Glynn's last episode ended and I suddenly think that script ending was shown to us just to tease us because of the Claire and Cas parallel, only Claire's hopefully going somewhere positive, and Cas... is possibly now an agent of the destruction of the world so that's all great.

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Also Lucifer ended up not being involved again at all and it got so sketchy with Cas I'm now starting to think that the baby probably IS as dangerous as they say it is, Cas was paralleled to Dagon and Dagon at the start had her vision of HER place in the world at the baby's side and that's what it wants from Cas

and also now I'm thinking about the need to destroy fathers on the show and well a little newborn infant fighting Lucifer would be a bit of a joke but it WOULD be cool if nephilim!Cas went and blew up Lucifer as a threat to its power

I'm gonna think about that for a while :P

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Also need to go write in Dean making Cas a mixtape to Terrible Coffee AU