#but she's on a different end of the spectrum there and is instead very tuned into people's emotions by nature

[volgdemagischewinx]

I think the reason why Riven was a better boyfriend to Darcy than Musa because Darcy actively played up his good sides (acts of love via helping/service) meanwhile Musa is Miss Independent who wants emotional availability (not his strong forte) and had a bit of a tendency to expect him to read her mind, which is impossible for him. Meanwhile if she only asked he'd go anywhere for her/do anything for her. He'll take her cello to and from the repair shop, he'll go to auditions with her the whole day just to carry her trombone for her. She has insomnia and wants to watch movies at 3am?he'll get up and drive to Alfea. But she needs to ASK. Not because of a powerplay but because he needs to be told what she wants done. But noooooooo, she wants to know if he loves her or not, she wants him to reassure her that her friends won't die 🙄 (the nerve of her, right! 😛)

Disclaimer I have no support from canon from this I pulled all of it from my ass. But *insert Marge Simpson meme here* I think it's neat

No, no I think that's pretty accurate actually. Riven struggles a lot with communication, but he is the type to do just about anything for those he cares about. And as much as I do think s1 Driven is more interesting with the idea that Darcy did catch feelings at some point, he was still primarily a tool for her. She didn't really need more from him than for him to be the guy that did everything she asked, so at the time he did do better in that relationship

Musa, on the other hand needs Riven to be emotionally available to her, like you said. And that's something he really struggles with. You're also right about how she kinda does expect him to read her mind. It's something that I think is quite common for teenage girls to expect from their boyfriends. The whole idea that if he really cared he would know what you need from him. It's a pretty toxic mindset in general, but especially with a guy like Riven who, at least as I interpret him, is autistic af and has an even harder time than most at picking up on those little hints. He needs to be told something directly and Musa just won't do that

I mentioned a while back that I have the HC that, for versions where Musa/Riven does work out, Tecna is actually a big part of why they learn to communicate better. Since she's autistic too she can understand Riven's pov more and eventually explain to Musa that she just needs to be direct with him. Likewise she could teach Riven some tricks on how to read social situations better, so that he might be able to tell when she just needs some emotional support

That wouldn't be the end of it of course. They both have massive trust issues to overcome and with their home lives neither of them actually learned what a healthy relationship should be growing up(I actually think that's why Musa is so bad about expecting those unrealistic things from Riven. She gets it all from magazines and tv). I think no matter how you swing it with these two, getting to a point where their relationship is a healthy and happy one would require a lot of effort and growth from both of them. But that's just part of why they are one of the few canon ships I can actually really get into. It feels honest, real, and true to their characters

[eishelin]

Review of “Mythic Meetup” by Heartmoor Studios

Third game on my Otome Jam 2022 entry play list was Mythic Meetup by Heartmoor Studios.

TL:DR

It might feel like a tribute to another popular indie otome game at first, but it has a lot more to offer. Featuring some very likable, yet believably flawed characters, cute visuals and nice representation.

Story/Writing

Do you also go around clicking random chatroom invite links are end up in the weirdest places in the middle of the night? No? Just me?

Well, that's what happens to the main character - she (pronouns selectable) - a regular, ordinary (well, maybe not super-ordinary) human ends up in a chatroom filled with mythical creatures. Shenanigans and heart-breaking backstories occur as a result.

Each of the chat participants have a distinct writing style, which definitely makes the game come alive.

The main character is mainly a self-insert, with some little backstory pieces scattered throughout the story and a bit of a snarky personality in the non-choice parts of the story. And choices there are a galore - thankfully the developers have provided handy guides on the right ones to pick to end up in the hearts of the eligible mythics.

There are quite a few choices to make and the developers have provided a nifty guide on the right ones to pick for a happy ending with

It's very enjoyable to see representations on the ace/demi spectrum, including flirty ones.

I really loved the fact that the characters were friends in real life as well and appeared together in video calls and in each other's rooms. It definitely gave

A thing that initially threw me off was the chapters being called days. My initial thought was that the plot of the game is happening over the course of several days, but they're more of a series of snippets of what's happening over the course of a longer period of time. I feel like calling them chapters or weeks would have been more friendly.

Another small issue that I noticed is that while you can select your pronouns, some of the scenes default to other characters referring to the main character as they/them instead, but it might be intentional.

Art

The art is definitely cute. Each of the characters have a different background for their room and they match the characters very well.

As the resident memologist, I enjoyed the meme pictures that were scattered through the chat.

I especially liked the programming of the videochat sprites - there are little wobbly effects happening with their arms, which make them seem more alike. Ditto for mirroring effects.

Similarly a great shoutout to the CG programming - I know that under jam limits we work with a very limited set of VN assets and the ending CGs were utilized to the fullest with their panning and other effects.

Music and Voice Acting

There is an original soundtrack and it matches both the scenes and characters very well, without being overpowering and distracting. Everything loops seamlessly, there are relevant sound effects scattered through the game. I also liked the music room which was added in.

All of the videochats are fully voiced and it has good sound mixing. My favorite was Vera Tan's rendition of BestieBB, but honestly - they're all good.

A nice feature that's very, very easy to miss - if you click on the side character's profile and click on the little speaker icon if it's there - it's gonna play a line from them from a few random lines. It was very cute and helped to put a voice behind some of the chat avatars.

GUI/Usability

There is a cute custom GUI and I generally liked using it, especially all of the little bits and bobs that you could click to go to different screens and such. It really made the game feel very immersive.

After some fine-tuning I found the right text speed for me for the autoplay and just watched the chat go on. A little thing that I felt was missing with the autoplay system was a hard pause at the end of the chapter. Once or twice I found myself scrambling to reload saves because the last message of the chapter was quite long and the day change happened before I got to read it.

I'm usually an avid history reader and there were some overflow issues there.

The font size is pretty good if playing on large-screen devices and the font is quite readable for the chat. Increasing the font-size would have been nice for playing on devices with smaller screens (like the Steam Deck) though. Reading white text on yellow for the videochats did get a bit straining on my eyes, but I work with code all day, so they're pretty sensitive come evening when I have time to play games.

Playthrough notes - here be slight spoilers

As usual, I did a live-tweet thread of my biggest impressions.

I started my playthrough with OffKey and I enjoyed the resolution of her backstory.

Next I played BestieBB and they definitely are sharing my No. 1 spot in the rankings due to how much I was vibing with their route. I feel like the conflict was very believable and the resolution as well. To put it in the words of a friend:

Playing watcher hurt me. In a good, self reflective, I have content to talk with my therapist kind of way. I've definitely had the same kind of feelings as he has had in chatrooms throughout my whole life. And I especially loved how part of the conflict was internal and the issues were resolved partially by some very in-depth self reflection.

X's route in comparison was pure fun. I love how it brought the whole team together and the overall flirtiness of everything.

Overall I'm very glad I decided to play this game, will probably play the studio's O2A2 jam entry and can't wait to see what the devs put out next.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

One thing that has always bothered me about the magical system in HP is how much it... doesn’t exist? No one questions anything, there’s almost no theoretical exploration, and Hermione Granger (someone I’ve always found to be of average intelligence at best) is the brightest witch of her age.

Some characters seem to be inexplicably more powerful, but I wonder if it isn’t simply a matter of discipline and will-power.

What are your thoughts on magic? We never really see what light vs. dark entails, so fanfic authors tend to make it up as they go along, but do you have any head-canons about how magic works in HP?

I mean, to be fair, it wasn’t really the point of JKR’s series. She just wanted to write about a kid going to a magic boarding school in Scotland with this quirky witch aesthetic. 

No need for her to placate us uber nerds who demand a sensible explanation to the minutia of her magical system. 

Right, but yes, it clearly bothers me too. No one questions anything, there’s no understanding of why wands and spells even work, or why it has to be in this weird pseudo-Latin. No one even bothers to learn Latin, for that matter, and you think they would given the damn spells. 

Hermione Granger is the brightest witch of her age given that “her age” is either around 30 people (the amount of people in her year) or else around 300 (the population of Hogwarts at a given time) which is a pitiful amount. She also is an extremely hard worker and actually reads her textbooks, sadly I think this gets you ahead of 95% of the population.

Part of the reason I think the Wizarding World thinks like this is that they’re this incredibly tiny, cut off, insular society. Generally, when you have a small society cut off like that you tend to lose innovation or even understanding of technology you have.

But that’s not what you asked. Right.

Personally, I think there is no light and dark magic. Magic is just this part of the natural universe that muggles, for whatever reason, are not able to directly access. It’s neither good nor bad, it just is. For that matter, I don’t think spells themselves really exist, or rather, they’re not what magic really is in its purest form but instead a way that humans can easily access and control magic to perform a certain task. Kind of a glorified API if you will. 

So, dark magic and light magic are instead arbitrary labels that wizards apply to their own tool box based on the functions of that tool. If you have a tool that is only designed for/can be used for the murder and torture of sentient beings: well, that’s bad, we’ll call that dark. That said, do I think the spells themselves are inherently evil? No. It’s like if you open up your tool box, pick out a sledgehammer, and go, “This, my child, is an instrument of pure evil and you must never touch it.” Well, that’s a bad comparison, it’d be like taking a handgun out of your tool box and saying “this is a dark weapon”. Now, this gets into a debate I don’t want to get into, but to me dark spells are a lot like handguns (they’re designed for only one purpose and there’s no squirming your way out of what that purpose is).

Now, I think wizards have forgotten this (mostly because they don’t understand what spells or magic is), and so they get very hung up on the labels of spells or even just your odd genetic trait (i.e. parseltongue). So, we have these weird moments where someone uses, say, the severing charm to cut somebody open in the middle of the street. And it’s less bad than if they had used the killing curse to kill them painlessly and easily, because the severing charm’s not dark magic. 

It’s like... If someone were to walk out and bash someone over the head with a sledgehammer until it kills them it’s less evil than if they shot them in the head with a handgun.

Wizards seem to miss the point of this. 

As for what magic is, I believe it’s... direct energy that wizards are able to access in a way that muggles (thus far) cannot. What do I mean by thus far? Well, look at electricity. In ye olden days, I’m sure that if you asked a wizard they would say that making artificial light without flame is a property solely done by magic and muggles are not capable of it. Well, muggles then did it, and suddenly the definition and parameters of magic change. Wizards are kind of like chess grand masters who suddenly lose to your AI du jour, who say that it doesn’t count because the AI didn’t really do it like a human would. It’s not real intelligence.

I don’t believe people have magic in and of themselves, any more than anyone else does at any rate, because we see too little differences between powerful and mediocre wizards. You’re either a squib or you’re not, there doesn’t really seem to be a spectrum, and those who struggle with spells appear to do so for other reasons (Neville has severe confidence issues and is traumatized, Harry’s an idiot, etc.) 

I think what separates the great wizards from the rest is hard work, the ability to read books and learn from them, even an inkling of understanding of how spells really work and how to create them (and this makes you Voldemort level right here), and a good ear to be able to pronounce your ridiculous pseudo Latin.

The wand is a tool specifically designed so that, with repeatable easy to understand steps, you can perform a whole array of tasks and even use them as building blocks to develop a new spell (combine swishes, flicks, and various garbled sentences together in such a way and BAM new spell).

Your wand, in other words, is your API to direct and access untold amounts of energy from the universe.

But people have forgotten that so instead what you memorize are very specific function calls that will prove useful in your daily life.

As for the wand and spells themselves, well, here’s my hokey ridiculous theory on how that came about. A long time ago, a brilliant foreigner enters the Roman Empire with a revolutionary idea that puts him on the level of Einstein/Newton/Feynman Name Your Stupidly Brilliant Physicist. He says, hey, how about instead of doing these time consuming magical rituals we develop a tool that, in a matter of seconds, allows us to perform truly complicated and powerful magic any time we want. No more relying on having the right ingredients about, virgin sacrifices, the full moon, etc.

Everyone probably laughs at him, but then he goes off and designs a rudimentary wand, and through probably some uber ritual that was dangerous as hell implements this system by which by flicking your wand a certain way and saying basic commands like “levitate”, “repair”, etc. you can perform these tasks.

Only, the guy’s foreign and Good Will Hunting (no formal education in the empire), so he doesn’t actually speak Latin. So what you have instead is this weird half-Latin like, “Leviupwards Fly”, “Repair-o”, etc. 

It sounds dumb as hell, but goddammit it works, and more it gives Roman wizards an unheard of advantage against their enemy wizards who are all stuck doing these stupid rituals. They suddenly have a vast military might, so long as they use these wands and spells this guy came up with.

Everybody who’s anybody, who wants to win a fight, is now using wands. Wandcraft becomes a huge deal and people specialize in fine tuning these things exactly so as to get the maximum efficiency for a particular user.

And they probably go up to our guy and say, “Hey, buddy, can you make this in actual Latin? I can barely remember what it is I’m supposed to say to get this to work” and after the hours, and hours, and hours he spent making this thing that nobody helped him with he goes, “DO IT YOURSELF, BITCH”. And they never do because they’re too damn lazy/have no idea how he actually did it and any attempt to recreate it ends up with something that’s pitiful and doesn’t work. 

So, they’re all stuck with it, and thousands of years later they forget this guy even existed and while there’s a recognition that not all magic has to be performed by wands there’s just this feeling that the wand is the magic. And so no one will ever come up with an English/French/Whatever version where when you say “Up” the thing goes up. 

And that’s “The History of Magic” as brought to you by The Carnivorous Muffin.

[baebywendy]

Favorite Albums of 2020

After Hours - The Weeknd

After hours is hands down my favorite album that came out in 2020. Nothing could top the masterpiece that this album is or can even try in my eyes. This album from start to finish tells a story about what I saw to be his downfall in love and the toxicity around him and within him. Not only did this story captures you with lyrics but visually in his music videos. The Weeknd has this touch within all his albums that tells a chapter of his life and this album is no different. With the retro trend coming in full force, The Weeknd had one of the best retro albums this year and not only that; the best album. This album showed his voice and the melancholy tone that he can produce is beautiful and pulls you in for the wild ride that is After Hours. Grammys can’t see.

Favorite tracks: Heartless and In Your Eyes

Ungodly Hour- Chloe x Halle

Ungodly Hour has one of the best vocal performance in a album that came out in 2020. Ungodly Hour touches on the topics of sex, cheating and making drunk mistakes that most young adults can relate to. The tracks of the song touches on being with someone and doing not so nice things to them with a beautiful melody that makes you not notice the bad things they’re saying. The album is the equivalent to driving to the beach to watch the sun set, it’s such a easy to listen to album that anyone could have it playing in the background. It shows two sides to a female in as relationship they can be loving but once you do them wrong they will make sure everyone knows the kind of person they are. Ungodly Hour is truly heavenly.

Favorite tracks: Wonder What She Thinks of Me and Busy Boy

Love goes - Sam Smith

Love Goes is the ending of a relationship and the confusions you feel when your alone for the first time. This album does a deep dive in relationships from cheating to someones own insecurities being in a relationship. Something that most can relate to, finding someone and wanting to be with them without complications is something that most crave for. Having the fear that one day that person that you are in love with can leave is something heartbreaking but also creates fear of being in love fully. This album shows the melancholy of relationships but unlike other songs that have a happy beat to make a playful songs in an album, the instrumentals showcases the sadness and loneliness that one feels. Love goes is something that we all experience and sometimes the best thing you can do is watch it go.

Favorite tracks: To Die For and My Oasis (feat. Burna Boy)

Good News - Megan thee stallion

Good News was indeed good news to me when I saw it dropping and the first album that isn’t so melancholy on this list. This album touches on topics that Megan went through this year such as body confidence and as well the public attacking her. The album teaches people to be the baddest bitch in the game and to gain confidence that most may not have. This album is unapologetic confident and loving yourself. Instead of using ballads of expressing self love, the album demands the confidence to flow through them and let everyone know that they’re word will not change them. It also touches on the topic of sex, showing females can be comfortable with their sexual needs and experiences. Good News is the embodiment of confidence and being comfortable in your own skin, something we all can learn from.

Favorite tracks: Body and circles

Future Nostalgia - Dua Lipa

Future Nostalgia takes the nostalgia to the next level with the retro inspiration and as well as the Madonna touches through the album. It makes you feel like your in another decade but somehow it still gives you nostalgia of the past at the same time. The album is a good feeling album and makes you want to dance with your friends with the disco ball above you. This album is one of the best retro albums that came out this year and it wasn’t something I expected for the next step in Dua Lipa’s career but it was a good step. Within this album, Dua Lipa’s voice takes center stage and fits the retro tune so well that it feels like she’s found her tune. Future Nostalgia makes you feel like your in the future but with the past in your back pocket.

Favorite Tracks: Physical and Break my Heart

Rare - Selena Gomez

Rare is the self love and worth with melancholy beats but as well as a happy beat making the sadness into a playful tune. It showcases what a person needs to do in order to fully love themselves and makes it known the hardships was just another push to become happy. The album touches on self worth and no matter what the person that you want to be with needs to treat you right because anyone can say I love you but do they mean it. It was Selena’s long awaiting album after five years of her last album but its a beautiful set of songs that showcases her progress as a person. Rare is truly rare when you realize how beautiful you are inside and out.

Favorite Tracks: Rare and Look At Her Now

Confetti - Little Mix

Confetti was the celebration of finally being free from control that somehow turned into a heartbreak in a matter of seconds. The thought that this is the last album that will have four voices harmonizing hurts especially when you been there since the beginning. This album continues Little Mix’s theme of female empowerment, break ups and sisterhood. Little Mix has this talent that they are a group with four strong voices but none of them outshines each other but at the same time they allow each other shine with high notes. This group means a lot to me and without them I wouldn’t have the confidence that I have now. Little Mix created songs that even though sadness happened there will always be a celebration afterwards. Confetti is what you will see when the tears are finally gone and always remember that mental health is the most important thing and take care of it.

Favorite tracks: My Love Won’t Let You Down and Sweet Melody

All About Luv - MonstaX

All About Luv is a cute collection of love songs ( hence the title and the day it was released ) that makes you giddy and warm on the inside. The album touches on all of the spectrum of what love is physical, emotionally, and mentally. It shows the love between two people and how beautiful that love is between them but at the same time it touches on the topic of wanting to be in love. Two ends of the spectrum but somehow it doesn’t feel out of place on the album but tells the story of love. This album could’ve been in Korean and I would still feel the same about it. Having the album fully in English was something I wasn’t expecting but it didn’t bother me because the collection was just that good. All About Luv makes you feel giddy about falling in love again or thinking of being in love with someone.

Favorite tracks: She’s the one and Someone’s Someone

Breath of Love: Last Piece - Got7

Breath of Love: Last Piece was a long awaiting album where JYP didn’t touch and Got7 had full control of it and boy did it pay off. I honestly think this is Got7’s best album and the fact they had creative control say in shows how talented they are. The album itself has a refreshing listen to and it’s different then most of the songs that came out in Kpop during this period making them stand out to me. The first song Breath was the most refreshing song we could’ve gotten this year and it showcased the vocals that got7 has. Last piece was something that was different for Got7 and its something that fits them so well as well. I hope Got7 will be able to continue this and make more songs for their albums, the songs that they made were so good. This album made others who weren’t in Got7’s fandom see the vocal talent and the dances that they do are beautiful. It feels good that they got the recognition for their talents instead of being just funny. Breath of Love: Last Piece is Got7’s best album and its the start of Got7 having creative choices for their albums in the future.

Favorite tracks: I Mean It and Born Ready

Maria - Hwasa

Maria is Hwasa’s first EP and the collection of songs are showing her struggles and what she tells herself through these hardships. This EP is one of the most beautiful things I have heard in awhile, it made me cry and it made me understand Hwasa a little more through it. Maria is the first song and its actually her baptismal name making the song already very personal to her. If you listen to the song itself and not look into the lyrics and the meaning then the song sounds like a very well crafted Kpop song. However, when you read the lyrics does it change that. “Maria, Maria I’m saying this for you. It’s a shining night, don’t torture yourself. Oh Maria, I’m saying this for you. Why are you trying so hard, you’re already beautiful.” The whole song is her trying to convince herself that everything is okay and to not listen to the people that want to send hate. The song shows the darkness of being in the limelight but it shows her taking control of It towards the end of the song. The rest of the songs on the EP expressing things that Hwasa been through and it makes her fans more connected to her. Maria is a beautiful collection that shows the struggles of being in the limelight and how you can take control to make yourself happy.

Favorite tracks: Maria and LMM

Honorable mentions:

Monster - Irene and Seulgi

1 billion Viewa - Exo-SC

Dystopia: the tree of language - Dreamcatcher

Self-Portrait - Suho

EP 9 - Qveen Herby

DYE - Got7

Chilombo - Jhene Aiko

[kurogiriis]

I just found this blog today and i'm already obsessed. as a WLW, I would love to see a Jirou one. maybe one where you are trying to tell her you like her but you aren't sure if she's queer or not. these pump serotonin strait to my heart btw keep doing what ur doing

A/N: aksjdfh I was so excited when I got this request Jirou needs more love!!!! I’ve seen like 3 x readers for her and it’s just aaaaaa because she’s one of my faves! I initially wanted to do headcanons but it ended up as a scenario in bulleted form (is that a thing?) so uhh yeah

➝ Jirou Kyoka

― You couldn’t help but stare as Jirou tuned her guitar. It was midafternoon and you were in the band room waiting for the rest of the club members to arrive. After the success of the school festival, U.A.’s first official band club was established, and every Tuesday and Thursday since then, you came to practice with the rest of the band. 

― It was an interesting experience to say the least. Each of your bandmates had a completely different taste in music, Tokoyami preferred post-hardcore punk while Kaminari enjoyed pop and Bakugou liked heavy metal due to the heavy use of drums. Everyone got to choose at least one of the songs you’d practice making up a very diverse spectrum of music. 

― You don’t know when exactly it happened, but at some point during the past few months, you had fallen for Jirou. Whenever her eyes sparkled as she managed to play a new riff or when she got nervous and twiddled with her earlobes your heart would pound with emotion. However, since you were in different classes, you didn’t get many opportunities to be around each other apart from band rehearsals. 

― Although you didn’t hang out as much as you’d like, you still felt close to her and didn’t want to ruin it by saying the wrong thing, but with each passing day your feelings for her grew deeper and you knew you had to tell her soon. Nevertheless, you had to figure out one teeny detail about her before doing so. You had to find out if she was into girls. 

― At first, you did your best to try to appear stereotypically sapphic. For a week you exclusively wore flannels, DIY earrings, and cuffed jeans. You even considered slitting your eyebrow. But it was to no avail, she didn’t seem to get the hint, and if she did notice, she didn’t comment about it.

― Instead of showing her you were into women, you decided to find out where she stood, and you knew the best way to figure it out. 

― You two were alone in the band room when you asked the question. 

― “do you listen to girl in red?” 

― She was figuring out the fingering for a melody when you asked, stopping abruptly at your question. She looked at you with an unreadable expression and your eyes glimmered in anticipation of her answer. 

― yeah, I listen to girl in red. 

― A sheepish grin spread on her face as she looked into your eyes. You return her smile and looked away for a second in an attempt to hide you blush. Before you uttered another word, she interrupted your silence. 

― what’s your favorite song? 

― “i wanna be your girlfriend”, although it was only a song title, your blush deepened when you said it. 

― Next thing you know, she’s singing it. You could feel the butterflies flapping around inside you as your smile grew. You decide to join her, singing the chorus you knew better than the back of your hand. 

― Once you guys are finished, you scan her expression and notice she’s blushing too. 

― I relate to that, you know 

― “huh?” 

― You were too stunned to respond, suddenly losing all impulse control and kissing her. After the initial shock, you could feel her smiling into the kiss. 

― I’m guessing you want to be my girlfriend too?

➭ 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 || 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬: 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧!

[404fmdminjung]

famed idol life / career meme

notes: i started doing responses one by one, but then i thought it’d be better to do one big mass-post instead of flooding dash all at once. thank you to all that sent in! appreciate u all :~) (if anyone has any numbers they need, please feel free to like this or just let me know, even if i already sent in an ask!)

2. what are your favorite b-sides/non-title tracks you’ve released?

“i like diana. there’s something moody, sultry about it with a touch of elegance. it’s almost like cheap wine on a long friday — contrasting, but it somehow fits. plus, sooah helped out on that track which becomes the cherry icing on top. perhaps, there’s something better coming out on my next album, where there’s too many b-sides that i’d cherry pick myself to be my favorite. for that, look out at the sea, captain.”

3. what is your least favorite song (title track or b-side) you’ve released?

“i don’t think there’s a least favorite. if there were, then i wouldn’t have partook in any of it — my personality’s in it or out of it. there’s no in between, especially where my voice plays a part. i don’t want to touch things where my heart doesn’t lie, that’d just be cruel. wouldn’t it? if it doesn’t relieve my soul a bit, then i don’t think i’d dip my toes in those waters.”

6. what is one thing (a concept, a genre, an outfit, etc.) you would least like your company make you do?

“i’d like to do house funk, maybe house-pop. you’ve seen elements in it in knight’s old releases, and even the oldies like decipher’s done it. unity’s dabbled in it somewhat in their b-sides, and considering fuse has amassed a long bridge of different concepts — the spectrum’s large. i’d like to wear hawaiian t-shirts and prance around to some summer house-funk, and that’s something i think the general public can all dance around in their rooms to.”

8. if you could be in any idol group, which one would you choose?

“i’ve grown accustomed to fuse — i like being in fuse. i don’t think i’d fit anywhere else, though i would say bee would be a nice change for the summer fun. i’d even enjoy myself to be in unity had i been a boy. can you imagine? the fun that would come out of belting welcome to my playground, and singing the tunes to touch. that’d be a girl’s dream come true.”

9. if you could say one thing to your ceo, what would it be?

“you’re the prettiest person i’ve ever seen. in the whole country, out of all the women in the world — you’re the standard of beauty. but i’m sure the whole world knows that by now, don’t they? i thank you for giving fuse some of the best songs, and though i’ve never met you face by face, i’d like to believe you’re better than what’s shown from face value. but, still — my wannabe face is you but no amount of plastic surgery would turn me into you, would it?”

10. if you were auditioning for your company today, what would you perform for your audition, or what would you change from your original audition?

“i don’t think i’d repeat the dance, nor attempt to dance to something like seo taeji and boys. if i recall, i did h.o.t’s we are the future, and snsd’s kissing you with a ruler i had in my back pocket. in retrospect, that was my standard of dancing — if only i’d known it’d become a bad memory to highlight the work i have left. maybe, i’d only stick to kissing you, ruler version while singing something more melodically acceptable than finkl’s now.”

11. if you could do any special stage, what would it be and who would it be with?

“i don’t know — i don’t know many things when it comes to these mix and match scenarios. i know i’d like to make a stage where i can dance freely as if i’m in the comfort of my own home. perhaps to a song like gee, or even oh — even willing to dabble in lipstick’s genie if it means dressing up like a sailor and going ahoy. i’d want to do the stage with jeonghwa, sooah, and well — i don’t have that many friends to give you a special stage, oops.”

13. if you could become a model or ambassador for any brand, what would you choose?

”again, i’ve been blessed and satiated with each and every opportunity given. working with dior has been a smooth sailing ride as well as cartier — perhaps, given the option i wouldn’t opt for pathere de cartier but a different line. still, nothing really takes away from the heart and soul of their jewelry, which i appreciate with my cup of tea. i’d continue to work with dior, and if hermes would ever take the punch — i’d even have an affair with them.”

14. if you could be on any variety show, which one (or which type of one) would you want to be on?

“knowing brothers — i really watch that show. or even, 전지적 참견 시점 — those are the shows i keep tabs of on a weekly basis. i'd love my manager to have her time to shine and steal the hearts of the world with her variety work. she’s a very funny person you know. as for knowing brothers? that’s a given knowing how quick the crowd is on their feet and the little mini-games that come from each episode. i hurt my stomach each time from laughing along so many times.”

16. what changes would you implement if you were the ceo of your company?

“a free-for-all. i’ve never wanted to become a ceo, but had i been granted the opportunity to rule on all floors, i’d implement a few things. mandatory art classes, and creative freedom to the album jackets for all my artists. no dating-bans, let it all air out — most of all, i’d let them do as they wished as long has it harmed nobody else and they could handle the aftermath. no restrictions, roam free, bunnies.”

17. what do you do to relieve the stress of idol life?

“call me pretentious or call me a sell-out, i do what any other normal person does. i like sitting in the cafes with my notebook out, sketching. i sketch people that come in and out, or the people that decide to sit next to me. if i’m home, i’m painting on canvas with my record player crooning in the background or knitting a sweater to wear next winter. on a really adventurous day, you’ll see me playing the pole or stretching my limbs at pilates. but that’s on a non-lazy day.”

18. what tips would you give to a trainee about to debut?

“wear your skin like armor, and let it thicken as time goes on. no need to get hurt by words, and instead roll with the punches — learn to accept the hate that comes, and be scrutinized underneath a microscope. sometimes, you don’t know if it’s really reality, but the faster you assimilate yourself, the quicker you learn to glide past your career. think of everything as a catch-22, only there’s no real safety net.”

19. what was the hardest part of being a trainee?

“getting along with the other people and have them stay away from getting to know me. it’s obvious, the trainee life is temporary — there’s going to be those that debut and those that don’t, so why pry further than you have to? everyone should’ve been given the basic privacy instead of trying to play formalities and get along. other than that, i hated dance practice and i still do. dance isn’t a strong suit, and having someone force me to follow a tempo i can’t march to was no fun at all.”

20. did you enjoy the lifestyle of a trainee or of a debuted idol more?

“i liked being a debuted idol far better, only because there was a layer of privacy given to me. ironically, i was suddenly in the public eye. yet, it still allowed some layer of anonymity within the inner circle and the day to day people i interacted with. starting from a sea of trainees, and having it dwindle to a group of my members — it all made it easier to handle in the end. besides, i was getting no sleep regardless trainee or not.”

22. describe your dream sub-unit (members and concept).

“take the fuse darker concepts — peekaboo, bad boy, psycho. and merge it into one, all while getting rid of the dresses too short to dress in. wrap it all together, and you get my favorite concept. i like mystery, and latent meanings behind pretty tunes, and being able to do that each comeback would be a dream. surely, the audience might get bored of it, but i wouldn’t and i’m allowed to be selfish, aren’t i? my dream sub-unit, i’d take sooah. without sooah, i don’t know what i’d do, really. she’s like a mini-mom, three years younger. then, i’d take kiana for the dance that sooah and i can’t handle. i suppose i’d add suji in there because i don’t think anyone can belt like she does, no offense to kiana. but there’s a heartier belt when suji does it. sorry to our leader, i guess.”

23. out of the following six options, would you rather be allowed to play a major hand in the lyrics, production, choreography, styling, music videos, or concepts you release?

“i started off in lyrics, so i’ll stay loyal till the end. i’ll keep to the lyrics, so i can continue to write the stories my heart wants to say. sometimes, i’ll fall into cliches, but that’s okay. if it’s not in music production or the general content of the song, i suppose i’d take a dabble in styling — and stop dressing myself in the short skirts making it impossible to dance. really, those are the only two things i’ll be selfish for.”

25. what is your least favorite part of being an idol?

“waking up early, not having enough time to draw — those would just be the superficial things, right? but really, there’s pros and cons to any jobs, just ask any office worker with a nine to five. however, if i’m given a sliver of honesty to wave my grievances, i’d like to mention that i don’t like working in short skirts that get shorter each comeback. i don’t like getting mauled by the public of who i make eye contact with or who i work with — i don’t like getting over criticized and the list goes on.”

26. what is your favorite part of being an idol?

“i’ve always been a story teller. i like crafting stories and telling my world for how i see it, and given this opportunity in music, i’m able to do so. i like playing with instruments, sketching out things for an album idea — the creative process while meeting new people along the way. it’s a journey, an adventure and most of all, it avoids stagnation. i’m on the move, go go go.”

27. would you rather be incredibly famous with a terrible reputation and hated by most or be fairly unknown with a good reputation and adored by those who know of you? why?

“i’m already disliked by most — they don’t like the way i dress, who i’m friends with or the manner in which i present myself. but i’m given the opportunity to ignore these things along the way, and learn to handle things bit by bit. given the choice, i’d rather hide in anonymity with the few around me enjoying my presence. i’ve learned by now, public opinion doesn’t correlate to much as it’s nothing more than a crow perched far away as poe would say.”

29. what have you learned about yourself and/or society since becoming a celebrity?

“i’ve only been taught life skills, such as time management and patience. in hindsight, i’ve learned how cruel people are to judge things from what they see at surface level. the world’s superficial — that’s a bitter pill to swallow. i don’t know much about myself as i haven’t gotten that part figured out. instead, i’ve just learned that the world is cruel and the people in it amount to little to no positivity — go figure.”

[toerisdivine]

#9 Crap Shit - Girls Rituals

Genre: Electropop, Indietronica, Electro-Industrial

    Before the tragic dissolution of one of my favorite bands happened at the end of may, both members of Black Dresses were in theory having the time of their lives.  Their last album, Peaceful as Hell, had just dropped, and was starting to garner attention and positive reviews from outlets that hadn’t previously covered them, such as Fantano and Spectrum Pulse, some of their songs from Wasteisolation were gaining attention on TikTok, and both members were engaging in an obviously fake rivalry to drive up engagement.  Ada Rook’s solo album, 2020 Knives, was due for release on May 31 after being pushed back to make room for Peaceful as Hell, and Devi thought it would be funny to steal Rook’s thunder again by rushing an album out for a middle of may release.

    Crap Shit is mostly a collection of older, unreleased songs from towards the end of Devi’s Girls Rituals era before Black Dresses started, and this is why the album is so great.  Crap Shit is the rare transition album that maintains the appeal of the older works of the artist while nailing the new style on the first try.  The vocal melodies on songs like “I Just Wanna Make the Whole Earth Smile” or “Pixar” feel much more in line with how Devi sang on Black Dresses songs, but the clean synth lines don’t sound like anything that made their way onto Black Dresses albums, and instead sound more like mellow Girls Rituals songs.  There are also certain songs that have the opposite feeling, where the instrumentals are pushing the abrasiveness of Devi’s writing and the mopey etherealness of Devi’s voice feels like it came off Emergency.

    To a certain extent I feel like I’m probably overselling the differences between Girl’s Rituals Devi and Black Dresses Devi, as her evolution feels natural and first time listens will likely not pick up on all of the intricacies, but as someone who’s loved her work for years this album really felt like a return to a style of writing I wasn’t expecting her to return to, filled out with plenty of banging new tunes. “Everything is Wrong” is a fairly unique song in Devi’s discography, incorporating overly processed and digitized vocals on top of a symphony of heart monitor beeps and a pulsating drum beat.  “Pixar” is easily the catchiest song on the album, and is a great place to start analysing the biggest running theme of the album.  Around when this album came out, McCallion was obsessed with song meaning, where she wanted to keep certain aspects of her music to herself but she also became a Cobain-like figure, hating that her music was becoming popular with people who didn’t understand it in exactly the same way she did.  Track 8, “Elevator Out of the Catacombs” which is a very abrasive cover of “Like a G6”, is interrupted very quickly by a rant about people trying to talk to her about other songs about things that don’t matter and have no heart in them.  It’s horribly rude and cynical, but especially fascinating coming from someone who broke up a band because people were relating too hard with her songs about trauma they never experienced.  The running thread is fascinating and leads to some of those song moments where the art acts as a brief window into someone’s head and you feel like you can understand someone entirely different than you. I’ve been thinking about rant since the day it came out.

    The album ends with a quiet, simple song, similar to Thank You’s ending.  “Curse” focuses on the interplay between expanding synth back beats, piano downbeats, and a simple drum line which creates an excellent song in the piano and drums style of music that I love so much, containing the unique spin of one of my favorite artists.  Typing this out, it’s clear that this album is insular and probably more appealing to me by driving straight up my driveway as opposed to appealing to a universal sense of goodness, but I do think that more people should give her music a listen, and Crap Shit is far from the worst place to start.

Must Hear: Pixar, Elevator Out of the Catacombs, Curse, Everything Is Wrong, 

Recommended For: People who like miserable, abrasive pop music, People who want to think about the meanings people put into songs.

[neighborhoodmoonchild]

What’s Cookin’ Good Lookin’?- Jin Oneshot

Gif not mine

Prompt(s):

1. “Just let me do it!”

2. “I think I’m falling for you.”

3. “Sorry, won’t happen again.”

Pairing(s): Jin x Reader

Genre(s): Fluff

Summary: Fluffy little drabble where Y/N wants to make breakfast for Jin for once, but it turns out harder than she expected, especially to be quiet, and suddenly she’s teetering on the edge of the counter trying to reach the flour and Jin walks in to a disaster.

Warning(s): None

Word Count: 1.6K

It was one thing trying to surprise Jin with anything at all considering how innately in tune he is with how you think and work. It was a completely confounding task on a completely different spectrum trying to surprise Jin with any sort of meal.

Seokjin, for as long as you’ve known him, has always had a knack for the culinary arts, despite his childish and somewhat clumsy nature. With this natural ability, comes his insufferable point to always make food: breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, for you and refusal to let you anywhere near the kitchen when it comes to cooking.

On rare occasions, most of which being while he is away on tour or trips, you get the opportunity to test yourself despite the lack of practice due to your overbearing yet sweet boyfriend. Most of your solo escapades in the kitchen consist of baking simple sweets to take to the group when they get back, and while you know they aren’t even on the same level as some of Jin’s heavenly creations, all of the boys at least have the decency to amp up the theatrics when you eagerly await their review.

Except Jin, of course, who insists that the truth is better than any sugar coating he could provide, and with his honesty, sometimes comes frustration that you’ll never be able to impress him in a way that’s meaningful to him.

Which brings us back to this very moment. Jin arrived late last night after working hard for the past week. He was obviously incredibly exhausted and rightfully so, climbing into bed with you at 1 a.m., wrapping his arms securely around your waist as he snuggled his face into your shoulder. Within seconds he was out cold while you fought the urge to turn around, wake him, and ask him how everything had went. For now, you’d let him rest, and that’s when the idea struck.

By 8 a.m. he was still entirely knocked out, arms wrapped around your pillow to replace your body as you gently slipped form the bed, careful not to wake him. Slipping on your favorite pair of slippers and a robe to keep yourself warm in the chilly morning air, you glance over your shoulder to take a final peak at the man sleeping like a baby in your bed. He has always been beautiful, both inside and out, but there was something incredible ethereal about the way the early morning sun rays bathed his silhouette in a warm glow that had your heart melting in the cavity of your chest.

You tread carefully down the hall, cautious to all the creaks in the floorboards and objects that could knock over if you weren’t paying attention. Making your way into the kitchen, you take a moment to think about what exactly you were going to make Jin for this surprise breakfast you were eager to create. Settling on some homemade waffles with fruit and cream, you create a list in your mind of all the ingredients necessary so you could get them out at once to avoid prolonging the noise and risk of waking Jin.

Once everything was laid on the counter, you searched the cupboards as silently as possible until you found the waffle iron, pulling it from its place towards the back, and cringing at the minute dings and clangs it made, until it was resting gently along with the other supplies.

Just as you were about to kick things into gear, you notice the blatant mistake you’d made, forgetting the most important ingredient. Flour. A quick survey of the kitchen had you almost falling to the floor in despair thinking you were out of the damn stuff and all your effort would be a waste, but a second turn over shows the flour on one of the far shelves.

The highest shelf to be exact and you curse yourself for being short and Jin for most likely putting it there on purpose so you couldn’t reach it. However, this minor inconvenience was not about to deter your from your game plan. You were going to make Jin breakfast if it was the last thing you did, and god dammit it was going to be a nice surprise.

Unlike any sane or normal human being, you didn’t have a stool to get to the shelf because Jin insisted you’d never need one as long as he was around. So, you did the only somewhat-logical, somewhat-idiotic thing you could think of and clamber your way up onto the countertop, resting on your knees and reaching up as far as you could until you could just about touch the bag with your fingertips.

After an excruciating few seconds with no luck, you take a deep breath and force yourself up onto your feet as best you can, leaning towards the shelf to wrap your hand around the top of the bag. Just as you’re about to pull the darn thing from it’s hiding place, the clearing of a throat behind you catches you off guard, causing you to lose your balance on the edge of the counter.

You could hear the bag of flour tumble to the ground in a loud burst but instead of feeling the cold tile underneath your frame as you hit the ground, you come into contact with long arms and a firm chest. Jin reacted just in time to catch you on your descent ignoring the cloud of flour billowing into the air.

When you finally caught your breath, exhaling the one you’d held in during the fall, you turn to see Jin, large sly grin plastered to his smug face. It almost made you wish he had let you fall so you wouldn’t have to thank him for saving you from your idiotic mess.

Alas, he’d always be there to save you, because that’s what good boyfriends do, and he loves you too much to let you get hurt when he can avoid it.

“What are you doing?” He asks, looking over you from head to toe checking for any sign of injury. Not wanting to admit to your plan, you decide to take a humorous approach, figuring it could at least score you some make-up points if this ends poorly.

“I think I’m falling for you.” He bursts into laughter, holding you tight to him despite your effort to wriggle away. You’d been embarrassed in front of Jin before, countless times, but not when you were trying so hard to impress him. It just felt entirely too much to bear and you would rather bury yourself in a pile of blankets never to see the light of day again.

Jin wouldn’t let you though, because he knows how important it is to find humor in the worst of circumstances. He wouldn’t let you shut yourself off and wallow in humiliation when there was nothing to be ashamed about. There was nothing you could do to make him think you are anything less than uniquely perfect in your own way, especially because of the crazy things you do for him.

“Really? And here I thought you already loved me?” Jin’s face softens when he sees the red flush on your face, knowing how easily embarrassed you are about the smallest of things. His hand moves from your side to cup your chin, directing you to look him in the eyes even though he knows you don’t want to. You give in and stare up at him, a pout present on your lips.

“How about I help you clean this mess up and I make you some breakfast,” he asks sweetly, letting you out of his grasp to turn to the mess of flour on the floor. Before he can reach out to collect the busted bag, you’re slapping his hands away.

“No, just let me do it! I made the mess, I’ll clean it,” you cry, sweeping up the flour with your hands into a neat little pile to dispose of, “I just wanted to make you breakfast is all.”

Jin can’t help the twinge in his heart, the pout in your voice tugging at every single heartstring and sending a warm tingle through every nerve in his body. He knows how much you love to surprise him and it warms his heart knowing you’d go this far just to make him happy.

“Alright, then how about this,” you turn your attention from the floor to Jin, whose dusting his pajama pants off and heading to the closet, grabbing the broom and dustpan before padding back over to where you kneel on the ground, “I sweep this up while you make breakfast. It’s the least I can do for nearly giving you a heart attack.”

He beams at you, waiting for your answer as you lift yourself from the ground, swiping the bits of flour from your legs and hands.

“Alright, deal,” you say, a small smile forming on your lips as Jin walks past you to tackle the mess, but not before he lands a quick peck to your cheek.

As you get to work on breakfast and Jin finishes up sweeping the last remnants of flour from the floor, his voice rings out over the sizzle of the pan, “Just, next time, ask me to get the flour down for you, okay?”

A smirk plays at your lips, the soaring feeling from finally making Jin a meal for once fueling your body with adrenaline, so you counter playfully, “Or, you could stop putting it on the highest shelf so I won’t have to climb the counters to reach it?”

You don’t have to look at him to know he’s smiling at your suggestion. Suddenly, his arms are wrapped around your waist, his face buried in the side of your neck. He places featherlight kisses to the sensitive skin at your nape, “Sorry, won’t happen again.”

[floa12]

A rant about representation

I recently saw a post on Marvel's Hero Project and I think it's incredible how Marvel (and Disney) have been integrating representation into a lot of their Disney+ content. Marvel's Hero Project is really cool because each episode focuses on a member of the youth that is a real life hero and stands up for really great causes. They've got kids fighting for lgtbq+ rights and kids advocating for disabilities and the homeless, but one thing they don't have is a Muslim kid. Now that isn't to say that in later episodes they won't have one, but as a Muslim and full time hijabi (a Muslim woman who covers her hair with a headscarf and wears modest clothes that covers most of her body) it's getting increasingly frustrating for all these TV shows and movies to get applauded for representation when I rarely, if ever, see any positive Muslim representation. Now I'm mostly gonna be touching on representation of Hijabi woman because I feel that is the most prominent and most easily recognizable image of a Muslim person to the general media.

First, I want to talk about a couple examples of representation that have really got me going (bad and good). I'm gonna start with Halo from Young Justice, mostly because I did a post about how much I appreciated her and am low key regretting it. Obviously they fucked that up and I can't put into words how disappointing it was to see her character lose sight of being Muslim (not that they made it very important to begin with) but I mean I guess I was blind sighted by the fact that she was a hijabi when really that was the only give away that she was Muslim at all. On the other side of the spectrum we have Kamala Khan, who is everyone's go to Muslim representation. I myself am a fan of Ms.Marvel but I can't help but find fault with her representation. I don't want to take away the fact that she's a Pakistani American practicing Muslim but I do want to point out that the fact that she's Muslim isn't really super vital to her story plots. It's a lot about her inhuman abilities and genes. This is a small detail to have a problem with, especially considering people are reading her comics to see a superhero in action and not the domestic day to day problems of a Muslim girl. Really I guess my biggest issue with her is that she doesn't wear a headscarf. I know this is something I'm sure will bug a lot of people that I'm picking on, because after all any representation is better than no representation, but it's the fact that being Muslim is something that she is known for and yet she doesn't fit the image of a Muslim woman in a way that most people would recognize. I'm not invalidating any of my non hijabi sisters, I'm just saying it's a lot easier to recognize a Muslim in a crowd if they're wearing a hijab, so to have a character that is Muslim and not have her look like someone anyone person would immediately recognize as Muslim is a little :/. Both these characters also to wildy different degrees help check off the representation box without having a lot of evidence to support it. (Please don't misunderstand this as hate for Kamala, I love her and am super proud of her as a character, I just think there should be more characters and done better.)

Getting away from animated/cartoon characters I want to talk about Ramy, a sitcom on Hulu, and Amira on Druck, part of Skam. Ramy is this sitcom on Hulu that revolves around a young Muslim Egyptian man and the struggles he encounters while trying to reconnect with his faith of Islam. I love this show and encourage people to check it out because it's created by Ramy Youssef who also stars in it. It's a wonderful show that is super relatable for young Muslim people who struggle with being part of American society and practicing their faith, also it's fucking funny. The show also has serious episodes about his sister and mother and how much a double standard can exist in some Muslim households. I know a lot of conservative Muslims who would HATE this show because it constantly shows Ramy sinning. But I love this show because it's relatable and real and in the end Ramy tries his best (more or less) to be a good Muslim. It shows you the inside of some Muslim practices like Ramadan that a lot of people might be ignorant about. Now before I talk about Amira I just want to say I'm not the most informed on Druck or Skam and the only things I really know for sure is that they do a lot in the way of positive representation. I just wanted to touch on Amira really quick because from what I've seen of her I'm in love. Just from a purely aesthetic point of view the way she fucking wraps her scarves and wears her clothes in the MOST fashionable ways while staying modest and covering her body is a breathe of fresh air (also I'm super jelly). Her arc also shows her struggle with falling for someone who isn't as strong in their beliefs as she is and how that strengthens instead of weakens her. She stays true to being a Muslim and learns how to integrate that aspect of herself into her social life. Imane from Skam is also a great example as well because she is not a full time hijabi and they show how much being Muslim means to her and how much she identifies as such and makes sure people know. It's also a great side to see because it shows her interested in dating a non Muslim and how she naviagtes that and it's lovely. I really love seeing these characters because they show me that despite there being so little representation for Muslims some people are coming around and they're proof that we're getting there...really fucking slowly.

This summer I was fortunate enough to intern at Cartoon Network in Atlanta and I got to attend an event that hosted one of the PR members involved with Cartoon Network and Adult Swim. Something he really wanted to hear about from the young audience (all highschoolers) was things that they loved about Cartoon Network but also things they could improve on. Unsurprisingly, a lot of people complained that CN lost the subtle edgy humour that was brought by their early 2000s shows, but what really stuck out to me is when a close friend of mine stood up and told him that while Cartoon Network was doing a great job on representation, they were far from perfect because full representation wasn't accomplished until every kid who tuned in could see a version of themselves on TV. I think it's amazing that we have shows that include LGBT couples like in Steven Universe and I love ALL the forms of representation we get in Craig of the Creek, but everytime I see them pump out a new show I get dissapointed to see the lack of Muslim characters. Now that isn't to say I don't get excited everytime I watch We Bare Bears or Craig of the Creek and I see a hijabi in the background, but obviously that is far from real representation. Of course I'm not criticizing CN only (they just are farther ahead than Disney and other channel's in my opinion), I'm waiting for Netflix to release a show where I get to see a hijabi woman who practices Islam and is proud of her religion and I can't help but wonder when seeing a practicing Muslim on TV will be trendy and cool and mainstream. Anyways this got long and I guess I'm just sad that representation of any group of minorities isn't where I hoped it would be in 2020.

tldr: the Muslim representation that we get is far from enough and in a lot of cases can hardly qualify as completely accurate representation and I'm tired of it.

edit: I forgot about Imane from Skam!!

[malaysiankpopfans]

6 REASONS TO WATCH IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

The drama we’ve all been waiting for!

Searching for your next favorite drama? Look no further, It’s Okay to Not Be Okay is here! Two people who live in completely different worlds and have different personalities experience love and healing for the first time. There’s more to the story than just love though due to major family drama, bromance, and mystery! If that’s not exciting enough, check out what to look forward to below!

1. Kim Soo-hyun Lighting Up Our Screens

Kim Soo-hyun’s last drama was The Producers in 2015 and while he made some notable cameos in Hotel del Luna and Crash Landing on You, his official drama comeback has been very long-awaited. The actor portrayed diverse characters throughout his career from an aspiring K-pop star to a North Korean spy and an extraterrestrial alien. With Kim Soo-hyun’s acting range and handsome looks, you will definitely be in for a treat!

2. Not Your Usual Female Lead

Say goodbye to bland female leads! Ko Mun-yeong (Seo Yea-ji) is not your typical female protagonist as she has an anti-social disposition and lacks empathy skills. Definitely not your typical plucky and kind female lead! While Ko Mun-yeong might not be a character you immediately fall in love with, she’s refreshingly candid and free of prejudice. Other interesting facts include her fondness for sharp knives, her lack of fear, and her willingness to fight malicious people. She’ll definitely grow on you as she begins to heal and shed her protective shield.

3. Spotlight on Autism

There’s a severe shortage of K-dramas with autistic characters. The most recent one was Good Doctor and that aired in 2013, so this is long overdue! Moon Sang-tae (Oh Jung-se) is on the autism spectrum and is frequently misunderstood. The best way to combat misguided preconceptions is to simply learn more. Sang-tae will surely win over viewers’ hearts with his pure innocence and bright smile.

4. Chemistry-Loaded Romance

The chemistry between Kim Soo-hyun and Seo Yea-ji is visibly electric! The stunning pair is such a visual feast and they portray a very intriguing love story. Polar opposites find something familiar within one another and become drawn to each other. We’re also in for a fun reversal. Instead of the guy chasing after the girl, Ko Mun-yeong is the one pursuing Moon Gang-tae. Let the sparks fly!

5. Murder Mystery

Moon Gang-tae and Sang-tae’s mother was mysteriously murdered 18 years ago. Sang-tae witnessed the murder, but remains highly traumatized. When asked about the identity of the murderer, Sang-tae is only able to say a “butterfly” killed his mother. Since the murderer warned Sang-tae not to reveal their identity and threatened his life, Sang-tae remains very scared. This is why the brothers move every year, to run away from the killer. Time to solve a murder mystery!

6. Multiple Reunions

With such a star-studded cast, it’s no surprise that some of the actors have previously worked together. Check out some of the reunions below:

Kim Soo-hyun and Kim Chang-wan portrayed best friends in My Love From Another Star.

Park Gyu-young and Kang Ki-doong were a cute couple in Romance Is a Bonus Book.

Seo Yea-ji and Kim Chang-wan both acted in Hwarang as well. Also, Kim Mee-kyung and Oh Jung-se portrayed siblings in Plus Nine Boys. You’ll have to tune in to see what their characters’ relationships will be like on It’s Okay to Not Be Okay.

There’s so much to look forward to, don’t miss out! It’s Okay to Not Be Okay  is available only on Netflix, with weekly episodes every Saturday and Sunday. 

Synopsis

Moon Gang-tae (Kim Soo-hyun) works as a caregiver in a psychiatric ward. He lovingly takes care of his brother, Sang-tae (Oh Jung-se), who is eight years older than him and on the autism spectrum. Fate leads Gang-tae to meet a special woman. The woman, Ko Mun-yeong (Seo Yea-ji), is a popular author of children's books, but she is extremely selfish, arrogant, and rude. It’s Okay to Not Be Okay features an unusual romance between two people who end up healing each other’s emotional and psychological wounds.

[ego-driven-one-wing-angel]

Send a number | Answers

Thanks again for 250 followers!!!

What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

A penguin. I love them so much.

Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

Sometimes I wear one of those “drug rugs” or baja hoodies. With shorts. And sometimes knee high socks. I HATE pajama pants. So if I’m cold I find alternatives. 

What song really gets you going?

Right now, Drinking Alone by Carrie Underwood. But usually Tranz by Gorillaz.

Where do you usually eat your meals?

At my dining table or in the family/living room with my mom.

Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

BRUNCH

Most embarrassing habit?

Sometimes I’ll pick my nose at the most inconvenient times like a child.

Chocolate or fruity candy?

Chocolate

Soft or hard tacos?

When I ate meat regularly, soft, with carne asada. 

Worst way to break up a fight?

Throwing a pan at them? Dude I don’t know. Wrestle them to the ground? I feel like either of those are terrible.

Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

“You’re all probably wondering why I gathered you all here today.”

What color/design are your bedsheets?

Teal. And my comforter is a black/white diamond pattern.

Any hidden talents?

I was a dancer for roughly nine years. So I’m pretty good at that.

Favorite thing to drink out of (mug, glass, etc.)?

My Star Wars Luke Skywalker lightsaber water bottle. 

Socks or bare feet around the house?

Bare feet man. Those who wear shoes in the house are weak and will not survive the winter.

 Favorite board game?

Clue!

Do you sleep with the fan on or off?

I don’t even own a fan.

Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Heat at 67.5 and a sweater. Perfection.

Do you sing in the shower?

Who doesn’t?

Favorite song to belt out at the top of your lungs when you’re alone?

Tranz by Gorillaz. All time favorite song EVER.

Last thing you cried about?

Watching Zack die YET AGAIN in Crisis Core. I don’t think I’ve ever watched that scene WITHOUT crying.

At what age did you first have alcohol?

15ish. Wine.

Relationship status?

Single

What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

249$ A Guess coat that I absolutely adore.

What do you typically wear to formal events?

A modest dress. Heels. And a Louis Vuitton bag to match.

Favorite memory?

Probably almost getting arrested with my friends back when I was 17. We were at a closed park, after hours, past curfew, and it was like 3 am. We bought 64 tacos from Jack in the Box and pigged out in the venue. Super rad.

Gum or breath mints?

Gum

Favorite shoes?

Probably my Guess sneakers. I don’t wear them often, but I love the design.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My chubbiness. I’m not fat per say. But I’m not skinny either, but I want to look more like a classic, 1950′s pinup model more than anything.

What is the natural state of your hair?

My hair has very soft curls. Naturally, there more like “beach waves”

Have you ever had braces?

YES. WORST YEARS OF MY LIFE

Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Ghost hunting. I was illegally trespassing, and the building was real sketchy. 

Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

I’m just an embarrassment through and through. What haven’t they caught me doing. But I guess writing porn is a close first.

Last time you had an orgasm?

I’m a virgin who has never experienced anything remotely sexual. 

Celebrity crush(es)?

Sebastian Stan, Bill Skarsgard, Sam Claflin, Karl Urban, Sebastian Stan

Windows or Mac?

I’ve never owned a Mac, so I’m biased when I say Windows.

How old were you when you learned to ride a bike?

Six, seven? I was still quite young.

Makeup or natural?

MAKEUP

What color do you wear the most?

I wear a lot of neutral colors like gray.

Favorite season?

Winter.

Umbrella or rain coat?

Umbrella.

Have you ever fallen out of a tree?

No

First car you ever owned?

A 2002 Toyota. Super old, and the chip was painting off. My trunk also broke. Oil leak. Y’know, a traditional first car.

What time do you usually go to bed?

Anytime between 11-1 am.

Are you a competitive person?

Yes.

Least favorite color?

Orange.

First pet you’ve ever owned?

A cat :)

Sweet or salty?

Sweet

Favorite pasta dish?

Ravioli 

Favorite kind of chips?

Cheetos

Talk about something you’re passionate about.

Writing. I love being able to put my ideas on paper, let my thoughts and emotions run free in a world where I have to act a certain way. I can be anyone while writing!

What are some of your hobbies?

Writing

Drawing

Watching too much television

puzzles

Caffeine? If so, what kind?

I’m a tea gal. But I LOVE coffee. Especially mochas and caramel. With extra pumps of espresso. Hell yeah.

Favorite kind of pizza?

Ranch and Chicken or just plain cheese.

Fast food or sit-down restaurant?

Sit-down

Lots of acquaintances or a handful of close friends?

I love having a large circle, but I choose my best friends wisely. I only have about two or three of those and they’re the one’s I keep close to my heart.

Something that ruins your appetite?

This is a bit more dark, but my dad and I don’t bond outside video games. And he’s the type that believes it’s his way or no way no matter what. So if you get him angry he acts like a two-year-old who just got a toy taken away, and will try to push your buttons until you’re the same way. I saw the signs years ago, but whenever his anger is targeted at me I just don’t want to eat. I write instead. 

Favorite labels about you?

As in names? It’s near 1 am while writing this so I might have just gone stupid. But I love it when my friends call me cutie. Or my good friend Charlie calls me Smarties. And he’ll pull out a smartie from his pocket when he does it. I also get called Reid, as in Spencer Reid, a lot.

Are you a religious person?

Yes. I try to be at least. I’m Christian.

Night out with a bunch of friends in public or night in with one friend having deep conversations?

Night out. I spend too much time indoors with one friend as is.

What size shoe do you wear?

9

Favorite thing about yourself?

My confidence, or my keen fashion sense. 

Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

No.

Have you ever had sex on the first date?

No.

Heroes or villains?

Villains. (Sephiroth, Bucky Barnes, Loki, etc.)

Favorite fruit?

Pomegranates. 

Least favorite fruit?

Bananas. I’ll eat them, but there are a lot better choices honestly. 

Favorite vegetable?

Broccoli

Least favorite vegetable?

Brussels sprouts

How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

About a good three. First is salad. Second is fruit. Third is desert. 

Favorite dessert?

Ice cream. Bubble gum flavor is my favorite!

Do you play any sports?

Nope.

Age you learned how to swim?

Seven or eight.

Tell a funny story.

Maybe this is just funny to me, but earlier today my cat was trying to lick her coat but she set her front paw on a piece of paper and anytime she bent over to lick herself she slid and she would have to readjust herself. She did this like four times before she decided to move.

What’s one interesting thing about your culture?

As someone who is a part of the Navajo tribe, something neat is the more fat you have on your bones the more people respect you because they believe you have money.

What’s one annoying thing about your culture?

We can’t touch cold-blooded animals. It’s said if you touch the scales of a snake, or even breath in the same air, you’ll get the same skin as them.

What job would you be terrible at?

Accounting. I can’t do math to save my freaking life.

Would you rather watch a TV show or a movie?

TV shows.

What’s your favorite compliment to give?

“Cute Outfit!” or “Love the Hair!” You have no idea how many people light up on either of these, male/female/nonbinary. Looking good is a happiness found across all the spectrums. 

What’s your favorite compliment to receive?

“Cute hair.” Or “Love your makeup/nails.” 

Has your opinion changed on something recently?

I can’t remember. Like I said, it’s close to bedtime where I’m at and boi, it’s hard to concentrate right now.

Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

I order the same. 

What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

This sounds awful, but I’ve always wanted to try ecstasy. I have buddies who’ve taken it and say, if you do it right, the first time is pretty bomb. 

If you could learn to do anything right now, what would it be?

Singing. I can’t carry a tune.

Favorite physical feature about yourself?

My eyes.

Least favorite physical feature about yourself?

My wide hip/waist ratio. If my waist was thinner I wouldn’t mind as much.

What’s one amazing thing you did that nobody was around to see?

OKAY. I scored a strike on Wii bowling while i was on the toilet one time. Two rooms away and not even looking at a screen. Just using my heart and determination and it was SUPER COOL AND I WISH PEOPLE COULD HAVE SEEN THOSE SKILLS.

If you could change your height, would you?

Yes. Everyone is a good foot taller than me. So I would most definitely want a few more inches.

What’s something you would rate 10/10?

Final Fantasy 7 Remake’s Character concept for Sephiroth. The eyes, the height, the hair. WOW. In love.

Heels or flats?

Heels

What’s something you wish you had more knowledge about?

Politics. I want to get more involved but every time I do I get so confused.

Would you want to be famous?

I wouldn’t mind. But I value my private life.

What’s something you would get arrested for?

Well I already almost got arrested for eating tacos in a closed park at 3 am. So maybe that.

What’s your spirit animal?

A cat. 

What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

The fact that I graduated high school. I was developing anxiety and literally had no idea what the frick was happening with me and no one told me what it was. So I ended up skipping loads of school for that reason. 

Are you the type to have an organized mess, or no mess at all?

Organized mess. Or just a mess. 

Do you tend to make decisions based on the past, present, or future?

The future.

Are you a planner or a more spontaneous person?

Planner. I hate when things are sprung on me last minute. I have to emotionally prep up before a social event so 5-10 business days are needed.

Thoughts on the oxford comma?

I was taught to use it, but it’s literally so useless? I found myself either not using it or just doing it on instinct. So in one story you could probably find multiple instances where I use it and where I don’t use it, maybe in the same paragraph. I just do whatever fits that moment I guess.

What do you hope never changes?

My squad. I love them to pieces and it would break my heart if at some point they’d want to split.

How would you celebrate your 100th birthday?

Something extremely dangerous like skydiving or zip lining across a canyon. 

[1-1snailxd-art]

Libraries are for Meetings

Masterlist 

Mobile App users: I suggest reading on Ao3 or on desktop version. I don’t understand why, but when I look at this fic on mobile the paragraph spaces aren’t there properly. If you know how to fix this, please let me know.

Overview 

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Type: Alternate Universe - University

Rating: Mature (mainly because of the thinking and character loss)

Relationships: Analogical (Platonic? Romantic? Who knows), Royality, possibly more to come

Characters: Virgil Sparks, Logan Mars, Patton Smiles, Roman Reels, original Deceit inspired character (they are sweet, I promise), and a few original characters and possibly more familiar names to come.

Summary: Virgil works as a cleaner in a library after loosing his university scholarship. He’s homeless, he’s lost, he’s confused and he has to admit he needs help. Cue an unpredictable meeting and suddenly there is someone willing to take him on the path of self discovery and acceptance. Will he accept it, or will he walk away like he normally does.

Virgil and Logan’s growth may be the main focus, but Patton and Roman do have their own story arcs. A few original characters to steer the story and a reimagined Deceit with their own quirky role to play.

Warnings: anxiety and panic, negative thinking, deaths (original characters), homophobia (and more. This is a tale of self discovery and acceptance), homelessness, different aspects of LGBTQIA+ presented (I probably won’t get the whole spectrum, but there are a few)

Chapter 1 - The Dark Librarian 

Music blasted through Virgil’s headphones as he finished piecing a gaming system back together. He was so use to doing this, he was certain he could finish the job with his eyes closed; not that his perfectionism would ever let him try. Checking the clock, he scribbled in his notebook to start working out the cost of his efforts.

 “Hey Virgil?... Sparks!”

“I told you not to call me by my surname.” Virgil grumbled, pulling his headphones off as he turned to face his visitor.

 A woman lent on the doorframe of the room, dressed in a light blue button up shirt and black slacks. Despite he hair being in a tight bun, a single strand hung loose near her face and she twirled it around her finger.

 “What do you need, Katie.” Virgil swooped his bangs off his face and gave her a half smile. “You always twirl your hair when you need something.”

“Read me like a book.”

“We are in a library. Makes sense that I’m good at reading.” Katie was avoiding all eye contact and Virgil groaned, “Spill those feels, Reels. It will be time for my shift to start if you keep stalling.”

Katie let out a nervous laugh, “Yeah, about that.”

“What?” Nervous energy started to build in Virgil’s gut at Katie’s response.

“Look, I know you hate being out the front during the day, but I need you to take the afternoon shift.” Virgil fixed Katie with a tired look as she rambled on. “The main library got in a whole bunch of new reference books and they have all been entered into the system incorrectly, and Tia – that new librarian- tried to fix it herself, but ended up messing up the whole system, and now she’s freaking out and she called me in hysterics because no one can borrow and what is the point of a library if you can’t borrow an-“

“Woah, woah,” Virgil waved his hands out in front of him to silence the freaked out librarian. “It’s fine, Katie. I can manage. It’s a Tuesday, nothing ever happens on a Tuesday.”

“I’ll make sure you get paid for the extra shift, and I’ll come and help you with your normal cleaning as soon as I’m done.”

“Whatever. It’s fine.” Virgil followed Katie out of the room, checking his keycard was in his pocket before closing the office door. “Message me if Tia screwed the computers up too much for you to handle.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Virgil.” Katie started racing towards the front door, before quickly turning to call back to him. “Oh, my brother Roman has booked the reading area at 4:30 and office 3 cancelled so it’s actually free.”

“Would you get out of here already, Reels.”

Katie flipped Virgil the bird before running out the wooden front door, leaving Virgil in the silence of the small, old library.

 *********************************

 As expected, the library was very quiet all afternoon. Virgil did his best to remain calm and come across as a professional as a few families came in briefly to borrow books with their small children. His ripped jeans and ‘Panic at the Disco!’shirt didn’t really scream ‘librarian’ but his clothing options were very limited at the moment. Not that he liked to admit it, but Virgil had been living on friends couches and in his library office since he lost his university scholarship. Katie was well aware of what Virgil was doing, but feigned ignorance; Virgil would talk to her when he was ready.

 “What’s up, Sparkles? Crawled out of your cave rather early today.” Virgil groaned at the sound of Roman’s voice, “Where’s Katie?”

Virgil tilted his head to the side and made sure Roman felt the full weight of the annoyance in his eyes. Katie’s use of his surname was in jest, a joke between coworkers and friends; Roman’s nickname always came across like an insult.

“Wow, touch-y.” Roman held his hands up in surrender, before readjusting his red and white jacket to appear more sincere. “Viiirgil, where is my delightful sister Katie?”

“There was a book emergency at the main library so she went to help out.”

Virgil continued pulling books off the shelf to inspect them for damage, but Roman wasn’t moving on.

 “Can I help you with something else?”

“Well I’m glad you asked,” Roman beamed and moved to lean on Virgil’s trolley. “Seeing as no one is in here, can I pl-“

“No.”

“Wha-?” Roman gasped as if he had been shot, “I didn’t even finish asking my question.”

“You didn’t need to.” Virgil returned a book and gave Roman a mischievous smile, “The answer is no.”

Roman stood up and let Virgil push the trolley back down the aisle and towards the main desk. For a moment he considered pulling the ‘My sister is your boss’ card or even turning on the waterworks for his deceased parents but decided against it. He didn’t know much about the mysterious worker, but he knew enough that power and sympathy would get him nowhere. Thankfully, Roman had one more trick up his sleeve.

 Virgil watched Roman move the lounge and beanbags around the reading area to extend his floor space. Booking dance spaces was expensive and the library proved to be a cheap, but inferior, alternative. When Roman threw his jacket aside, revealing his tight black tank top, Virgil was quick to avert his eyes to prevent himself from being caught blushing at the sight. Turning back to the computer, Virgil started scrolling through the booking lists and checking that he still had permanent hold over office 2, before going into the system to look for overdue loans.

Humming pulled Virgil away from his thoughts and he saw Roman humming a tune to himself as he danced around the area. There was a slight vibrating sound and Virgil looked to the end of the bench and saw Roman’s phone sitting on a pile of books. Walking over, the screen was lit up as the phone vibrated for an alarm titled ‘music please Virgil’.

 Roman paused mid step as the beginning of one of his dance pieces started to come through the overhead speakers, instead of Katie’s usual natural sounds.

“Thank you, Virgil!” Roman called as he re-centred himself and prepared to start his piece.

Shaking his head, Virgil retreated to the seclusion of the aisles to return more books to their shelves. Roman was annoying, but how could he deny the effort the guy had gone to. In all honesty, he was just glad to not have been yelled at or have someone demanding things from him. His opinion of Katie’s little brother shifted slightly in that moment and he couldn’t deny that Roman was truly a very talented young man.

  *********************************

 BANG

“Katie!”

BANG

“Roman!”

CLICK

Virgil’s heart was racing as he peaked out from an aisle and saw a man in a McDonalds uniform finish locking the front door and start running towards the back of the library. His brown hair was neatly styled, except for a few stray curls that sat on his forehead. He completely ignored Virgil, running straight for Roman and pulling him into a crushing hug.

“Roman, you’ve got to help me. I’ve done something terrible, horrible, unforgivable, utterly-“

 “Hey!” Virgil’s loud voice echoed through the empty library as he disconnected Roman’s music and stared at the pair. “You can’t just come in and lock up the library. Who do you think you are?”

“Chill out, Vee. Patton’s with me.” Roman held his arms securely around Patton and looked down at him with eyes full of confusion and concern.

“Don’t call me Vee, and I don’t care if he’s with you or not, you can’t just lock up the library whenever you want.”

Virgil started to walk back towards the door and Patton cried out.

“Please, don’t unlock it. I-“

A loud bang on the door stopped Virgil in his tracks and Patton let out a squeak.

 “Patton! Open this door immediately.”

The door shook as the person on the other side attempted to gain entry.

“Geez, Pat, what did you do to him?”

“One guy is making all that noise?” Virgil asked as the banging and yelling continued.

Patton nodded and buried his face into Roman’s shoulder.

“I r-real-ly mes-ssed up, Ro. The b-bi-g-ge-ss-st m-m-mes-“

Patton could barely speak through his sobs and irregular breathing. Virgil had no idea what was happening, but he wasn’t about to find out what would happen if the guy outside got to Patton.

 Virgil went to the desk and grabbed the keycard for office 3 and shoved it in Roman’s hand.

“Lock yourself in the office and put the dark screen up. I’ll handle this.”

“But Virgil, you don’t even know-“

“Just get him out of here before he passes out, ok!”

 Roman saw the determination in Virgil’s eyes and questioned no more, quickly leading Patton through the library to the office at the back. Virgil did his best to compose himself as he approached the door, hoping his outer self appeared more intimidating than he felt.

“Patton! You need to come out here and face me, NOW!”

 Virgil waited until he felt the man shift away from the door again before opening it. What stood before him was not the threat Virgil had pictured at all. Where he had imagined a heavily muscled maniac, a tall man in a white lab coat stood in his place. If it wasn’t for his red face behind squared, black glasses, and the way he quickly stormed passed Virgil, he wouldn’t have believed that this was the same person who had been trying to tear the door down.

 “Where is he?” The man started marching down to the back of the library, glancing down the aisles. “I’m going to kill that sorry excuse for a friend so I can dissect and study the brain of that idiotic, pun-generating humanoid.”

“Geez, dude, calm down.” Virgil called, as he attempted to catch up to the man after re-locking the door.

“Calm down? CALM DOWN! My life is over. How can I be calm?”

Virgil watched as the anger melted into sadness and the man clutched a warped laptop to his chest and slumped to his knees.

“He ruined everything.”

 Despite squeezing them shut, tears still streamed from the stranger's eyes. Virgil felt the adrenaline of the situation begin to fade from his system, and his legs and hands shook slightly as a result. Squeezing his hands into tight fists to calm them, Virgil knelt before the man and made his voice calm and soft.

“I’m guessing this has something to do with that laptop.”

“Yes,” the man sniffed and pulled a handkerchief from his coat pocket to clean himself up. “Patton…knocked it off of the table at the lab.”

“You chased Patton here from the science labs?” Virgil questioned, surprised when a nod confirmed the distance the two had traversed.

“All my work was on this laptop. Everything…gone.”

 Virgil had come across a few students over the years that had similar situations. He’d been given broken laptops, crushed USBs and smashed external hard drives. Everyone reacted a different way to the possibility of losing their data; though this was the first time he had seen someone hulk out over it.

“If you promise not to dissect anyone, I could have a look at it for you.”

“What? What can you do? It’s smashed.”

Virgil smirked as he reached out to carefully take the laptop out of the man's hands.

“You’d be surprised how tough some computers really are.”

“Well...um, thank you…”

“Virgil. Virgil Sparks.” He extended his hand out and offered a reassuring smile.

“Oh, um, I’m Logan Mars.” Logan shook Virgil’s hand and looked down in shame. “I’m sorry for my behaviour. I-it was incredibly uncalled for.”

“You’re right, but don’t sweat it. Come one,” Virgil stood and gestured to the offices, “let’s go check out this laptop, hey.”

 Logan slowly followed Virgil to his office, suddenly very aware of the immaturity of his actions. He was thankful that Virgil seemed so forgiving, anyone else would have called security or the police on him. It dawned on Logan that if that had been the case, he could have lost his scholarship and then his life would have been well and truly ruined.

“Thank you for not calling security.” Logan whispered as Virgil unlocked the office and started clearing the table of his work.

“Your welcome.”

“I’m serious. My behaviour was worthy of a call and that would have been the end of my time here. My scholarship would have b-”

“Lo, it’s fine.” Virgil finished boxing the gaming system and heaved it over to the corner of the room. “I wouldn’t jeopardise someone’s scholarship over a mental malfunction. I know what it’s like to lose everything over a simple mistake.”

“Pardon my question, but would you mind elaborating?”

Virgil let out a small chuckle as he searched through his boxes for tools and components for the laptop.

“I lost my scholarship due to a stupid mistake.” The look of sadness and curiosity in Logan’s eyes made Virgil nervous, but he continued. “I got into a fight in the middle of a lecture hall. Some moron made some…disgusting comments. I’ve spent my whole life being afraid to speak and listening to the shit people say about…”

Virgil couldn’t bring himself to say it. Shutting the closet door tight in his mind and quickly wiping a stray tear before Logan could see.

“Yeah, so, um… I decided to stand for what I believed in. Punches were thrown on both sides, but ultimately he ended up with a dislocated jaw and I ended up out of uni and out of money.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

 Logan couldn’t think of what else to say as Virgil set to work, pulling apart the laptop to inspect the components. Clearly, Virgil was a very multilayered individual. Logan had only seen the surface of who he was, and he was already fascinated with who the man was and who he wanted to be.

He watched curiously as Virgil pulled out various handmade devices and connected wires expertly in the sea of electrical components. Given the anatomy of a living organism, Logan could identify parts and their purposes with ease; but the scene before him now meant nothing. People had called Logan a genius his whole life, but watching Virgil now made him feel like a toddler in a 10th grade math class.

 “You are truly skilled in your field, Virgil. Are you taking classes elsewhere to hone your craft?”

Virgil laughed and turned to his own laptop screen, “I would need money to do that dude, and no one would give me another scholarship after losing my last one.”

“So where did you learn to do this?” Logan gestured at the table before him.

“At the Sparks institute of trial and error. Taught myself most things and Google has taught me the rest.”

“Unbelievable. You’re a genius.”

“Ew, seriously Logan, stop.” Virgil moved to grab a USB from his bag and plugged it into his laptop, pulling up another program and adjusting a few wires. “What I do is nothing special. I just know how stuff works.”

 Logan watched on in silence as Virgil continued. Clearly, he wasn’t going to take any of Logan’s compliments, and he didn’t give them out freely. The screen suddenly lit up with a document and Logan gasped and threw his arms around Virgil’s neck.

“You did it! You found it!”

“Ca-breathe.”

Quickly releasing Virgil, Logan apologised profusely for losing control of his emotions again. Virgil adjusted his shirt and fixed his hair as he set the computer to start copying the files across.

“You gotta settle down. I can’t guarantee that all your files are here, there is still a chance some of them are corrupted. I’ve got a program separating the corrupted files to a different USB and I’ll see what I can salvage and-“

Logan pulled Virgil into a hug, carefully this time. “Thank you so much, Virgil. If even half of my data and reports are safe, it’ll still be enough to show my professor.”

“I am not comfortable with this much physical contact with a stranger.”

Logan quickly let go and stepped back, “sorry. I, ah, went over the top again.”

 “Logan?”

The pair turned at the whispered voice to find Patton standing at the door, Roman protectively close by.

“Patton.” Logan’s voice was calmer now and it sounded strange to Virgil to hear him say Patton’s name in such a way.

“I’m so sorry, Logan. You’ve told me so many times not to be silly in the labs and I let you down. I’m sorry, Logie. Please forgive me.”

“Patton,” Logan took a deep breath and massaged his eyebrows. “You almost cost me everything. Without this data I would have had an incomplete research task which could have jeopardised my time here. Thankfully, Virgil was able to salvage some of my research. I-I-I’m so angry at you right now.”

Logan was staring intently at the corner of the office, while Patton’s eyes never left his friend, even as they filled with tears.

“I don’t think I can stop being angry with you for a while.” Roman placed a comforting hand on Patton’s shoulder as he let out a sob at Logan’s words. “I accept your apology, but I’m not ready to forgive you yet. Do you understand?”

Logan finally looked at Patton as he posed the question. Patton nodded and looked shocked as Logan held out his arms for a hug. Never one to refuse a hug, Patton raced forward and buried himself under Logan’s coat.

Virgil watched on awkwardly at the exchange. His mind trying to piece together the relationship between the three people in the room with him. Roman looked at his phone and started rapidly tapping on the screen.

 “I’ll make it up to you, Logan. I promise.” Patton managed to say, as his sobbing finally diminished. “You are my oldest friend and I would never purposefully do anything to ruin our friendship.”

“I know, Patton.” Logan looked over to Roman, who had just pocketed his phone. “Would you mind if Patton stayed with you and Katie for a while.”

“Wha-“ fresh tears started pouring from Patton’s eyes as he lent back to look up at Logan, but the man remained focused on Roman.

“Already organised, Lo.” Roman wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist from behind. “It’s ok, Pat. We’ve been meaning to spend more time together and Logan just needs some space.”

 Virgil didn’t think it was possible for Patton’s eyes to get any wider, but they did as Roman slowly backed them out of the room. When the sound of the door closing echoed through the library, Logan’s shoulders slumped once again but this time no tears fell.

“I’ve known Patton since I was seven years old. He’s like a brother to me. It kills me to push him away like that.”

“Then why did you?”

“He needs to learn that there are times that I need to be taken seriously. Besides, he and Roman needed a good excuse to take their relationship to the next level.”

———————————————————————

End note:

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. More chapters to come in the future. Feel free to give me feedback, I am always happy to accept constructive feedback as it helps support my future writing. 

💜🐌

——————————————————————

Chapter 2 ----- Masterlist 

What else have I done:

The Perfect Ring (oneshot - analogical proposal)

You Promised (oneshot - prinxiety angst/injury/near death) 

Sides of a Hero (Completed Fic - sides are fusions of impulses and aspects of Thomas. Virgil has a depressing past that he is forced to face thanks to Deceit and Rage. Was canon compliant at the time of completion)

The Shield to your Sword (WIP - A fantasy/magic au - Prinxiety (Royal Roman and orphan Virgil - they’ll admit to their love eventually), Virgil angst, non binary, healer Logan, *spoiler* Patton) 

Check out my other blog for random fandom reblogs and stuff @snail-giggles

[elliepassmore]

In the Afterlight Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: dystopian, found families, psychic powers, inner group conflict, impossible decisions After where we left off at the end of NF, ITA opens up in a very distinctly apocalyptic setting. The series has always vaguely had that feel in the way most near-future dystopian books do, but the EMP and bombing of LA tipped the scale further into apocalypse territory. I enjoyed how Bracken really explored the vision of a bombed-out LA and the impacts that might have on suburbs like Burbank. Something about the image of burned, shelled cars and brick rubble and abandoned shops just does something for me in terms of settings, aesthetic, and mood. I think, in this case, it works quite well to set the tone of the first bit of the book. The second setting is pretty neat too. It’s another League location in California, but a bit farther north. The place is like a huge compound with secret rooms as well as tunnels connecting it to different locations. It’s the perfect place to hide a bunch of kids while you’re planning an action against, say, the ‘rehabilitation’ camps Psi kids are kept in. Aside from suiting the purposes of the characters, this second setting also visualizes the divide that starts to occur between what’s left of the League in CA, with some (most) of them hanging out in the Garage, which is separated from the main portion of the compound by a long tunnel, and those that are left mostly sticking to the main part of the compound. The Garage is definitely cooler visually, I’ll say that, but the ideology and plans of those who hang out there is a little too optimistic for reality. With this as the last book dedicated to Ruby’s story, it’s mostly about closing out her arc. After LA, she wants so desperately to do the right thing by everyone and is stretching herself so thin it’s no wonder certain stuff ends up happening. She’s much more in-tune with her powers, though she still doesn’t like using them and still wants a cure. I like how things go for her in this one, for the most part. I feel bad for her in this one more so than the others. She’s so down in the dumps and so few people see it, like, I think Liam picks up on it, but it’s only really addressed when they have some down time together, which is neverand then the only other one to really mention her emotional mood is Zu. So, Ruby basically has a boyfriend who’s as busy and her and a 13-year-old to discuss her mental state with….not great options. With all her issues on her powers and the insecurities that come with that, added into the mess with Jude and dealing with Clancy and the issue with the League agents and wrangling everyone, it just gets to be a lot and I feel so bad for her. One thing I am not too pleased about is her and Liam’s arguments and distance. Like…the entire thing is just so dumb and takes up multiple chapters, and then it’s resolved in one and they’re all peachy-keen again, which makes me wonder if the tension between them really needed to last as long as it did (but I’ve decided to blame exhaustion, stress, and Clancy for this one). Speaking of Liam…I’m not really sure what to think of him in this one. He’s definitely gung-ho for helping other kids and making sure that the camps are shut down, but his plans for going about it lack the teeth that they had in TDM (and, ironically, his OG plans are the ones Ruby builds on and he disagrees with, so…). I can’t tell if he’s just reeling from everything that happened in NF or if it’s just a weird character change that makes him inclined to think that a media storm will successfully bring the camp system down or what. His change in plan combined with his dislike of Cole, his distrust for the League, and Ruby’s own insecurities, just leads to him coming out as quick to irritate in this one. I will give him the fact that having your memory stolen and then regifted would be extremely jarring and invasive. I get why he writes the note, and I get why he’d be touchy and angry about that, but the rest of the stuff is just, I’m pretty sure, just his judgement getting clouded. Not to mention, he’s a hell of a lot more reckless, though we are seeing things through Ruby’s POV and he could always have been exceedingly careful, so there’s that. Outside of those interrelated changes, he is largely still the super sweet, super supportive, protective Liam we saw in TDM and NF. Even when he is fighting with Ruby, or even later with Cole, he still wants to understand and combine ideas instead of dismissing them out of turn. Chubs is once-again stuck between his two friends and hates it, though he does his best to work with them. I feel like Chubs gets a lot more mature in this one and faces things with a wiser attitude than he did before. I mean, he was always the more cautious one of the bunch but he just got an extra layer of professionalism added to him throughout this book. He seems a lot more at ease with life and with himself, which was good to see. On the other side of the spectrum, we get to see a much more emotional Vida than we have before. Sure, in NF we saw her angry plenty, but here there’s a mix of sadness and grief and desperation and camaraderie and support we didn’t get in the previous book. Her walls break down a lot more and she’s willing to admit that she’d prefer to talk about what happened to Jude rather than just shove it down and away like everyone else seems inclined to do. She also starts a surprisingly tight friendship with Zu, and the two of them are definitely a force. Zu comes in about a third- to halfway through the book. I love Zu, she’s such a great character personality-wise, but she also has a way of cutting right to the center of things and helping people. She may be young, only 13 in this one, but she’s go the insight of someone much older. What happened in the novella In Time has clearly impacted her when she first comes into ITA, but she slowly and steadily overcomes it, learning and helping those around her and letting them boost her in return. She grows a lot as a character, and it was awesome to read. Nico is an interesting character, since he was in NF, but it was difficult to really get a feel for who he was as a character in that one. Here, we see he has a lot of regret over what happened in LA, and he’s working to reconcile the Clancy he used to know to the person Clancy is now. Nico’s unflinchingly loyal, but he’s come to realize he put his money on the wrong horse and is struggling to make it up to everyone. Clancy’s still a piece of work and none of his character development comes internally, it’s all external. We do get to meet his mom, though, and combined with what we know of President Gray….well, it just explains a lot. Okay, it’s kind of spoilery, but I absolutely adore the entire thing Ruby has going on once she’s back in Thurmond. She goes back in and she’s struggling so much with the feelings of fear and absolute terror the place instill in her, plus the worry that the plan won’t work because the people on the other side won’t come or won’t come in time, just makes the fact she fights through it all that much better. I wish her reunion with Sam was a little better, though, I did want there to be a bigger thing with them, but whatever, we get that in Beyond the Night. My favorite scene from this collection of chapters is when Ruby’s in the control tower with O’Ryan and just snaps on his ass. It’s great. Of the main three books—TDM, NF, and ITA—this one comes in as my second favorite, with TDM as the first and NF as the last. The settings are, once again, fantastic, and I love a lot of the plot and events that occur in this book. I do think that Ruby and Liam fighting as much as they do only to have an insta-make-up was not great (though I do have my suspicions that they’re issues were exacerbated by Clancy manipulating Ruby. Ever notice how the two times he does it large-scale, she’s also separated emotionally, and generally physically, from (primarily) Liam and the others? My hunch is Clancy saw how well it worked the first time and used his Orange powers to manipulate it into happening again). Overall, ITA is a good ending to the series and I’m pretty satisfied with it all around. Clancy Story in 2018 Edition 5/5 stars The story picks up from when Ruby went to see Clancy at the end of ITA. The collection is basically a run-through of Clancy’s worst moments. There are some of them, like when he and Hayes and Olivia find East River to establish it that aren’t too bad. Then there are others, like the ones where he’s strapped to a table getting experimented on, that are downright awful. Most of them fall somewhere in between. The way it’s set up, I believe it’s a reverse chronological order of Clancy’s memories. The first one is from ITA, when he tells Ruby that she’s the one who tipped off the PSFs about the Sawtooth camp, and the last one is from when he’s pretty little, probably around three or four. I like that, as we progress through the story and the memories, we also get to see how Clancy’s warped mind was built up bit by bit. As a child, he obviously has little malice other than when it comes to protecting himself from others. As time goes on and he’s experimented on, that malice and cruelty grows into what it is in the first memory. Aside from the way we’re seeing each memory erase based on how recent it is, I love how Bracken chose to end each scene with “a heartbeat, and it’s gone.” There’s just something about that line, about the speed and finality of it that I just love. Nico features in most of the memories, so we get to see how Clancy, in his own weird way, does have feelings for the other boy. Clancy doesn’t have full-blown romantic feelings about Nico, or even what I’d necessarily call a crush, but he definitely is attached to him and Nico holds sway. I think this might be my favorite ‘exclusive short’ of the bunch. It’s a combo of the formatting of the piece and the way we get to see inside Clancy’s head and watch his development into the person he is in the TDM series that makes it one of my favorites.

Note: Since Through the Dark is just a bind-up of the novellas, it’s coming out on Saturday and TDL’s review will be coming out next Wednesday

[jayhartwinsterling]

Bandersnatch (Black Mirror) Megapost

Now loading... A *very* sizeable post with a lot to get through - here I am going to talk about the five “main” endings, the Easter eggs, why constructing a traditional flowchart for this game is technically a bit of a vain effort, how it’s probably best to link everything up in a guide - and the implications this story has regarding *us*.

Chapter 1: The Endings

So, we basically have five “main” endings. I say “main” because... well, we’ll get back to it on ending number five. 

Ending One Description: The first of which is what I call the “How It Was Meant To Go” - and getting this one is quite simple. All you need to do is accept the proposal Stefan’s given by the Boss to make Bandersnatch with a in-house team. Satpal shows up and then Colin tells Stefan as he’s leaving “Sorry mate, wrong path.” We then jump forward five months to find that Bandersnatch was rushed in production, cut down and done badly because of it being a team effort and it gets a 0/5 review.

We loop back around to that decision again but this time, Colin thinks he’s met Stefan before and Stefan knows the memory error with Colin’s game when it happens. And we come back to the decision. (Refusal again will give a similar scene btw where Stefan accepts and Colin tells him it was the wrong choice again - but Satpal doesn’t enter and we just... end. 

Ending One Analysis: So this first ending is rather simple. But the key to it for me lies rather simply in the fact that it can be done... without doing anything at all. If you left your remote/controller/mouse/finger wherever it is and don’t make any choices, this is where you end up. In essence, the universe just runs as it should and we don’t play god over Stefan’s life at all. I know it might be a little difficult to get what I’m on about here but consider that Stefan makes a remark to Dr. Haynes not too long after you take the refuse path, that he wanted to accept the offer and he doesn’t know what made him refuse. We did. This is more clearly pressed upon if you get to the point in your path where Stefan realises something is dictating his life and asks for a sign. We directly throw him a sign - if you’re super direct, that sign happens to be the most direct interaction we could possibly make with him. Telling him that he’s on Netflix in the 21st century for our entertainment and we’re controlling his life.

So, as I say, Ending One is where we don’t have an impact and thus things play out in the universe as they should. Bandersnatch is finished, it gets a 0/5 and Stefan resolves to try again. Ironically, if you just sit back and don’t take the option of making a choice (because, remember, us even making a choice is in itself a choice), though all the game does terribly - this is arguably the best outcome for Stefan. And all because we listened to the exact advice the trailer gave us with its music choice: “Relax. Don’t do it.”

Ending Two: If you go straight to Dr. Haynes (rather than going after Colin) and take your pills when you get home, you get what I call the “” ending. Stefan takes the pills, we jump forward five months to find that Bandersnatch got completed by Stefan but due to his pills, it comes across flat after the midway point and only gets a 2.5/5 rating.

Ending Two Analysis: Not a lot to say here - but it’s worth noting that the review dude on the TV mentions that if the creator had second chances, they should go back and do this game all over again but differently. Keep that in mind for later. It’s worth noting that if you take Stefan off the path that the universe was “meant” to take and then leave it to its own devices (and Stefan to his own choices) again, not making choices for him - then you’ll end up at this one. Almost as if the universe was trying to course correct itself...

Ending Three: “Stefan Jumps.” explanatory how we get here... We jump forward four months, and find that due to Stefan’s accidental death, the game seems to have been speedily finished by someone else.

Ending Three Analysis: We get no rating this time but TV review guy does say the game is bad. He also mentions that it seems abrupt, jarring, bleak, creepy... Almost a perfect way to describe the ending - since it then just ends.

Ending Four: “The P.A.C.S. Ending”. In this one, we unlock Stefan’s dad’s safe with the password “PAC” (obtained by crossing over paths from following Colin to visiting Dr. Haynes... we’ll come by to the implications of such things later.) and find to our surprise that Stefan’s entire life is part of a conspiratorial program, not only well documented but also manufactured with the trauma of his mother’s death being totally falsified. Dad wakes up, refuses to speak and in his rage, Stefan hits him with somethi--- Oh wait, it’s a dream. Just a dream... But then it goes off the rails, quickly plunging us into the choice where we give Stefan a sign that he’s being controlled. Instead of Netflix, we now have the choice of P.A.C.S. - taking that option leads Stefan to kill his dad with the ashtray in a rage about the apparent conspiracy. Stefan then picks up the phone to phone Dr. Haynes - and we have to enter her number. Entering it correctly means that Stefan outright says to Hayne’s receptionist that he’s killed his dad. As he’s burying his dad, we hear distinct sirens and then cut to a review of Bandersnatch. The game is given a 2/5 rating and we discover that Stefan has been charged with killing his dad and locked up in jail.

Ending Four Analysis: It’s safe to say that P.A.C.S. didn’t actually exist outside of Stefan’s head and it’s his life paralleling Jerome F Davies’ obsession with conspiracy theories and delusions. But... what nobody seems to be really talking about is - we did that. Again. Leaving aside all the choices up to and including the safe, we make the P.A.C.S. sign appear and fuel Stefan’s dream-induced paranoia. In this ending, we in a way become Stefan’s delusion. (Oh, and don’t be surprised if you didn’t get this ending with your choices, or only part of it - again we’re coming to all that...)

Ending Five: “Time Rewritten” - now I’ll be honest, I did all these endings in one straight through run. Which made for a REALLY messy time in both my head and the game. Particularly with Colin... But anyway, for this one, I had to make Stefan pick up the family photo after having followed Colin and heard him say that mirrors let you travel through time. Stefan then seems to head through a mirror in the bathroom back in time to when he was a kid. And discovers that his dad took the teddy away from Stefan and locked it away in his room. He wakes up, I take him through the Netflix sign again. [During this, I led into what I’ll be addressing in a minute as Ending Four-B.] And take Stefan back to the locked room, this time entering the password “TOY”. Stefan unlocks the safe and finds his teddy within... And then it takes an odd turn. Stefan turns to find a younger dad - and then suddenly he is a child again. The younger dad relents and lets young Stefan put the teddy back under his bed. After doing so, suddenly older Stefan is looking at young Stefan sleeping. We cut back to young Stefan on the day Mum leaves... This time, he finds the teddy but his Mum is still running late. She’s gonna have to catch the next train - the one that leads to her demise - and we have to make the decision for young Stefan on whether to go or not. Of course, yes is my choice here - for though it’s a tragedy, it’s the last of these paths to take - we get young Stefan and Mum on the train, cut to black, and then see that older Stefan has died in Dr. Haynes’ office. We then get shown a TV screen and the credits come rolling in, whether we like it or not. And there’s what seems almost a tune playing but we’ll get back to that because if you’re a ZX Spectrum fan like myself, you know where that’s headed.

Ending Five Analysis: Alright, now there’s debate to be had here. Did Stefan really walk through a mirror and change time, undoing his own existence in the present, rendering himself dead on the spot? Did he slip away into a divergent reality and leave his original one behind? Or did he, in reliving the trauma with Dr. Haynes, live too far into it and died? Well, my opinion is that the last of those three is true. (Although, this conclusion is a little shot in the foot for me personally because I never discussed the death of Stefan’s mum with Dr. Haynes ever. Unless you try to make the conclusion that the entirety of my personal run through this game even from Stefan getting up at the very start of it was all in his reliving). Time to come clean about something I’ve been hinting through this post. Delusions. Almost all of the endings involve delusions. But, you’ll have to wait until the end of this chapter before I bring all of that together.

Ending Four-B: “Cut!” - having taken Stefan down the Netflix path and into a fight with Dr. Haynes, I told him to jump through the window. He runs to the window but it doesn’t open - and then we hear something shout CUT! The view pulls out to reveal that Stefan is in a studio, and that - in a very meta move - all of this is just a production being made (for TV, for film... for Netflix?) and that trying to jump out of the window isn’t in the script. Stefan is then addressed as Mike and it seems to be the case that he has fallen a little too much into character. The studio assistant, worried with his insistence that he is Stefan, rushes off to find a medic. And that’s the end of that.

Ending Four-B Analysis: Firstly, I put this with Ending Four because it’s down a similar path, and once again we become Stefan... sorry, Mike’s delusion. And this led me to an interesting thought about this universe where we’ve taken control of a delusional actor - is the alternative for taking the Netflix sign, which is having the fight with Dr. Haynes (as “scripted”) and being dragged off just a part of this universe’s production? In that instance, is the delusional then our own that this world is a reality when - surprise, surprise, it’s a Netflix production (and presumably, in that universe, also a Black Mirror episode)? Secondly, as an aside, the only option presented to me after this ending for a rewind was “Get Rabbit From Dad”...

Well, there you go, five “main” endings (and a bit) and an awful lot for me to explain...

Except... Ending Six. What I Believe Is The True “Main” Ending.

So we lead Stefan back to the sign, give him the Diverging Paths sign (or call it Whitebear, if thus inclined.), make him kill Dad, and make him chop up the body. Then, the Boss and Colin discuss the fact that Stefan is late with his work - Colin convinces him to leave Stefan be for another day. And what happens here on, well, happens. It’s worth noting the reluctance and pain Stefan has carrying out the order we gave him to chop up his Dad. But then, it’s contrasted by the lack of emotion he shows in Dr. Haynes’ office. Perhaps he’s taken that JFD documentary to heart about believing that if all paths occur, and there is no free will - then why care? Why feel guilt on behalf of what seems to be destiny? And honestly, I can’t blame Stefan... Because he doesn’t have free will here, we’re throwing decisions at him and he’s along for the ride. We made him kill his dad. We made him chop him up. 

And herein lies our delusion. That in making these choices for him, we have a choice. Because we really don’t - we’re in a Bandersnatch of our own (if you’re a CYOA fan then you might’ve sensed this coming...) and honestly, we should’ve known from the start. We’re the ones that selected the option Black Mirror: Bandersnatch on Netflix and hit play, after all. Just as Stefan has pulled back from making an infinity of paths and left enough complexity to make it seem so. I mean, I’ll be blunt here even though I’ve yet to discuss it in depth in Chapter Two - technically, there is no way that any one human being is getting through every possible path/universe. To us, it may as well be infinite. And yet, it’s all just an illusion of free will.

Endings Two and Three all push us, the player, bluntly into going back into this warren of choices - to try again. Pushing us further on. Ending Four is more subtle, toying with us by giving us a tragic ending for Stefan so we feel inclined to go again and do better for him (and in my case, straight up offers up a path to Ending Five, and what seems a more hopeful ending until you get into it.) Ending One is even there if you decide to take the choice to not make any choices, to not interfere at all. Leaving the universe on course - but of course, this is our game and trap so it tells us not so subtly to try again as well.

And Ending Five leads us to ending with... A delusion. There’s the crux of the matter.

Ending One is our delusion that we can game the system by not getting involved.

Ending Two is Stefan’s (and our) delusion that if we play by the nicest choices and rules of life, it’s all going to turn out happily.

Ending Three is Stefan’s delusion (spurred on by the acid? by Colin’s way of thinking? by both?) that if infinite worlds are out there and free will is an illusion then what does it matter if he jumps?

Ending Four is where Stefan becomes delusional as a result of us and ends up locked up. We are the delusion. Four-B is where Stefan himself, as a person, is the delusion.

Ending Five is either the delusion of a man who relived his trauma too deeply or the delusion of us in thinking that when the paths were all clear and we had what seemed like a final end, that it would be happy. (Or none of the above, if you really want to go analysing this one differently.)

And Ending Six is our delusion. “And now, they’ve only got the illusion of free will but really, I decide the ending.”

In a few short seconds, we realise that we have been the Stefan of Charlie Brooker and co. - being led towards this ending that is out of our hands now. Despite all the paths and other endings you take, you’re likely to end up back here. 

And as Stefan says about how he thinks Bandersnatch led to a happy ending, and we see him in his room, with his computer - and walls covered in paths; trying to make sense of the maze he’s playing... well, I think you can piece together the parallels between him and us.

And then we’re landed with the fact that he’s kept his dad’s head. And the 5/5 review we’ve been looking for all game finally comes, but then it turns out even that comes at a price. We’ve driven Stefan insane, certainly - and we’ve tainted the happiness of a moment we were striving for. And there’s a final delusion for us - the delusion that whatever choices were out there for us to make, we could get an ending where everyone lives, Stefan is happy, the game gets 5/5 and all is well. But we can’t. No matter what Stefan does, he can’t divert from the path we choose and no matter what we do, we can’t divert from the path Charlie Brooker chose.

Colin’s daughter takes up the mantle of her father, inspired by having found Stefan’s work, just as Stefan was inspired by having found Jerome F Davies’. (She even has Jerome’s book as well!) And one more time, we fall into the meta hole as it’s revealed that she’s creating her game for TVs and smart devices under Netflix. Her game is the Bandersnatch we’re playing. 

As a parting shot, Charlie Brooker brings himself into the web the one we can without completely shattering what remains of the fourth wall. Pearl represents him, trapped in the same madness, trying to put this game together. We are given our final choice - and either way, it’s a moot choice. Both destroy Bandersnatch. Both cause the screen to cut out - did we just erase Bandersnatch? Does it matter, given that our choice or even abstaining meant nothing in the end?

And I suppose you have to feel sympathy for Charlie Brooker, because the pain Stefan felt and the pain we felt - he’s no stranger to it.

And we’re left with one question now that the game is gone: What about real life?

Chapter 2: Why A Flowchart Won’t Ever Cut It (Technically)

TO BE ADDED SOON

Chapter 3: So Many Easter Eggs

TO BE ADDED SOON

Chapter 4: The Best Way To Document Every Piece Of Bandersnatch

TO BE ADDED SOON

Chapter 5: Us

TO BE ADDED SOON

[rkxayah]

💎 LUXE VLIVE

↪ celebrating their 1st anniversary     content includes: q&a, peppero game, limbo, whisper challenge, reaction to their royal survival auditions (+ mini performances of them), break for snacks

confused part switch ver.: xayah (belting these high notes) as cheri cheri (accidentally spoiling miniskirt) as zoe zoe (seducing the nation) as ella ella (being a cutie) as yena yena (getting that swag) as xayah

“oh my goddess! hello, we’re luxe!” 

they all chant at once, bowing and waving at the camera. they’ve waited until quite a few hundred people have already tuned in, and for the first couple minutes they most greet fans and talk, explaining that they’re here for a longer vlive this time. it’s their first anniversary and they’ve prepared quite a few things! they will mostly be games, to make it entertaining to both the viewers and themselves. they don’t really get to just relax and talk to fans very often so this is a perfect opportunity to do so. 

they answer questions, but mostly talk about their feelings about their anniversary, express gratitude for all the love and support they received, both through successes and hardships. xayah is even more hyper and talkative than usual but she does her best not to cut anyone as they’re speaking, mainly just looking excitedly at the comments and waving at the camera from time to time. “thank you guys so much for staying with us all this time! and here’s to an incredible second year!” she says once her turn comes. besides their upcoming comeback, she doesn’t know what this year will have in store for them but hopefully it’s more about breaking barriers than being held back by bad news again.

the focus soon switches to games. they have prepared a few of them. the whisper challenge proves to be absolutely hilarious, not to mention chaotic (but not nearly as much as the confused part switch version will be). ella proves to be pretty good at this game, guessing the words and expressions easily which annoys xayah. “yah, you’re supposed to make it funny!” she calls out, and the others laugh at their bickering. it’s always like that with the two of them, but ever since they apologized to each other for fighting, it’s mostly harmless and of good fun. sure, they still can’t stand the other sometimes, but they’ve learned that these differences they have is what makes luxe... luxe. on the other hand of the spectrum, xayah fails miserably. it might have something to do with her level of korean, but she’s just incapable of reading lips in general. she screams incomprehensible and stupid things that have everyone broke into laughter. and let’s say the rest of the group isn’t that good either.

the peppero game proves to be quite something, too. yena acts as the referee, dividing the rest into two pairs. on one side, cheri and zoe and on the other, ella and xayah. there’s a fire in the maknae’s eyes as she looks at her rival. she wants to win no matter the cost. if it means pecking ella’s lips on live broadcast, she will. there’s a definite resolve in the dancer’s stare as well. they bite on each end of the stick, and soon enough they teeth are almost touching. they end up briefly pecking lips, and ella snatches the remaining pieces. it sends the comment section in a frenzy.

the limbo is a nice way to expose the girls who lack in the flexibility department. zoe and ella are definitely top notch due to their dance background, whereas xayah puts up a good fight too. she’s an athlete after all, and while it doesn’t always guarantee flexibility, she manages to scrape by.

after a brief intermission during which they eat snack, hydrate and chat among themselves and fans, it’s time for a surprise from the staff. had xayah expected anything, it would’ve been a delicious cake, but instead they’re met with playful smiles. they’re up to something, but what? “we thought we would have you go down memory lane and watch your royal survival auditions!” they announce, leaving the girls dumbfounded. “you’re kidding!” xayah responds, jumping to her feet and pointing an accusatory finger at them. she barely kept any memory of that... vaguely remembers dancing and rapping. after watching cheri’s audition, in which xayah can’t help but wonder why in hell their leader was put into the minor team after it, they suggest that they perform a snippet of it live, just to see how much they’ve improved over the past... two years, almost. zoe’s dancing was insanely good, and maybe it’s because their choreographies so far haven’t been very impressive in their complexity, but it’s the first time she realizes just how good zoe is. it’s even better now than it was back then, though she only does a small part of it. seolhyun’s audition was also dancing. the girl looks as good as ever, and when she mentions that she’s the only one among them who had never been in the minor team, xayah looks at her. “we know you were so jisub-nim’s pick, unnie~” she comments innocently, nudging at the other’s side.

yena, being loyal to her brand, had performed a very cute song which is so contrasting to what royal has her do now. she does say that it’s a chance she did full moon later on or the company would have not thought her capable of doing a sexy concept. “it seemed like he was only satisfied when i danced hip hop though, so why did he choose me?” she wonders out loud. but the answer is obvious: she definitely had the type of unique sexiness he was looking for. they each have their goddess concept, their own vibe. xayah finally sees her own audition. it was kard’s hola hola, and she performed part of the chorus and two rap verses. she danced along too, and so jisub did praise her boldness in choosing to show off more than one skill, as well as her stage presence. he thought she would be popular with the audience, and she was indeed. royal was always her top choice, even after going to kt, and he remembered that. it goes to say that sometimes it’s better to take an opportunity that differs from your original plan, because it can lead to exactly what you wished for in the end. if you keep waiting for it to fall from the sky...

they go into a deeper discussion about royal survival, how it went down for them, what they liked most, and how they do miss the other girls that were with them. times were different then. they had no idea what lay ahead, that six of them would debut less than a year later. and poor zoe who was sent home first couldn’t have fathomed being selected afterwards.

to conclude the vlive, they announce they’ll be performing confused. the song was indeed a bit left out when every night’s popularity picked up and pushed it aside. but it won’t be just a regular version. they’ll each be picking out a member’s name whose lines they will inherit, and perform it live to the best of their ability. cheri ends up getting zoe, xayah gets cheri, yena gets xayah, ella gets yena and zoe gets ella. it already doesn’t sound too good, but xayah assures everyone that she’s definitely main vocal material now. it convinces absolutely nobody, and especially not cheri who’s had to sit through xayah’s cover of her solo song, butchering high notes to the best of her ability.

it’s just as chaotic as fans expected it to be. cheri forgets dance moves every time she’s in the center, and accidentally spoils their upcoming choreography, but fans will only figure it out later on when the mv drops. yena takes her rapper persona very, very seriously. and xayah, well, she... sings to her heart’s content, taking revenge from all the singing lines royal has been denying her since debut. the reason is obvious. of course she’s not a main vocal, and not as good as yena or ella either, but when within her range she sounds decent, and at the very least stable while dancing. it’s not good, but it’s not bad either. still, she makes it memorable by belting out high notes with no shame at all, exaggerating her facial expressions as if she’s really into the zone.

who said they had to keep their goddess image off stage?

[sophygurl]

WisCon 43 panel Mental Illness in SFF

Speculative fiction is fruitful grounds for stereotypes and tropes related to mental illness. We have mad scientists on the one hand and mad gods on the other. We have robots representing one kind of neurodivergency in the science realm and the fae or fae-touched doing similar in fantasy worlds. We have creatures that feed on sanity and medications that cure mental illnesses, and the drugs or plants that cause them. What's going on with mental illness in SFF genres? When are these depictions and metaphors helpful and which ones are just plain harmful?

Moderator: Jason Finn. Panelists:  Ira Alexandre, Kristy Eagar, Clara Cecilia Abnet Holden, Kiersty Lemon-Rogers. [also Autumn was added to the panel - I didn’t catch if she wanted to be known beyond her first name however] [additionally, a member of the audience named Cassie eventually joined the panel as well, but I wasn’t able to catch anything beyond her first name]

Disclaimers: These are only the notes I was personally able to jot down on paper during the panel. I absolutely did not get everything, and may even have some things wrong. Corrections by panelists or other audience members always welcome. I name the mod and panelists because they are publicly listed, but will remove/change names if asked. I do not name audience members unless specifically asked by them to be named. If I mix up a pronouns or name spelling or anything else, please tell me and I’ll fix it!

Notes:

Kristy introduced herself by saying “I like to say I’m seven kinds of crazy” - she has a wide array of mental illnesses/neurodivergency.

Ira said they are “also seven kinds of crazy”, specifically mentioned Bipolar II, autism, and ADHD.

Kiersty said she’s liking the term “mentally weird” for herself, that not everything is officially diagnosed “for reasons”, and that she likes to see people like herself in fiction.

Clara said she also likes the “seven kinds of crazy” and mentioned OCD, GAD, autism, and severe depression. She gets excited to see characters even close to being like her.

Autumn said she finished her master’s degree in counseling and also holds multiple diagnoses. She writes “queer mental illness trash romance”, and has created the games Player 2 and Self Interview.

Autumn also said she wanted to hold space for people who don’t like the word crazy, for whom it’s not something they’re reclaiming.

Jason said he has a family history of mental illness. He started the panelists off asking about representation that they have feelings about.

Ira said they wrote about the Vorkosigan Saga with a focus on Miles, who is more known for his physical differences but who is also neurodivergent. Miles is also a vet with PTSD - which is not handled very well in the story. There is another character who has PTSD who gets the help that he needs, however.

Ira also likes Murderbot (I’m guessing by a quick search this means The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells), as well as Chidi from The Good Place. The fork in the garbage disposal line really speaks to them.

Kristy also loves and relates to Chidi. She noted that there is no therapeutic help available in the afterlife. She also talked about the show Monk - the detective with OCD. Monk often described his OCD as being both a blessing and a curse. Monk made her feel seen, however she felt depressed at the end of each episode. She noted that his OCD gave him a sort of superpower where hers did not. Instead of framing it in terms of blessing and curse, and feeling like she only has the curse, she likes to think of it as neither - it just is.

Clara talked about characters like Monk where the superpower is just that the see the world differently.

Kristy also talked about how most of us don’t have a personal assistance to come around and help us interface with the world.

Clara added that other shows do this, as well - Sherlock, House, The Good Doctor. There is an exceptional cis white male with an ability that is valued enough that his inability to interface with the world on his own is seen as okay.

Autumn said she is sensitive to characters being read as autistic but the story doesn’t tell us that they are. Example was a Canadian show, Strange Empire.

Autumn also talked about Jacqueline Koyanagi’s Ascension - the main character is both physically and mentally disabled. Strong rec. [I agree!!]

Kiersty mentioned Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson series as being decent rep for someone with ADHD as a sort of superpower. Also An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon reads as neurodivergent.

Kiersty added an example that was not well done, which I didn’t catch the name of. She loves the work but the representation was bad. Another work I didn’t catch the name of [ugh my handwriting] has tokenization. The queer mentally ill character has psychopathy and is treated unkindly within the story. This was the focus of Kiersty’s graduate work - it can be hard for her to analyze critically because she loves and respects the author overall, but there are serious issues here.

Ira went back to the idea of the helper character (like for Monk, Sherlock, etc.) - there are labor issues here as well. These helpers are paid for their work to make the character more palatable to the world. Sometimes the exceptional genius character gets taught how to treat others kindly along the way.

Kristy said this is a classic trope in the detective genre - the neurodivergent genuis detective and the person who explains what they mean to the rest of the world. Nero Wolf is another example of this - being a massive genius somehow entitles these men to treat others poorly.

Kristy talked about The Good Doctor as a combination of good and bad representation. Often, another doctor or nurse or even patient will explain things to or for the main character, which can lead to the idea that he is unable to learn these things on his own. One episode had the example of “I can’t be racist, I’m disabled!” which is a very bad take.

Kristy noted that the interfacer is also the one who is seen as having the “burden” of being in relationship with the person with the mental illness.

Ira talked about Murderbot - the first book at least was a positive example - that it’s okay to interact with people differently instead of trying to correct how you naturally relate to people. It’s a more adaptive relationship,

Kiersty talked about Data in Star Trek and the whole “I just want to be human” trope. When that type of character is coded as neuroatypical, it can be problematic. Kiersty will fight anyone who questions Data’s personhood. She relates to him very strongly.

Kiersty also talked about Deanna and how she would tell Data that he does have emotions - he just expresses them differently. He didn’t need to have an emotion chip or whatever. He already had connections and relationships with others, even if they looked different.

Autumn talked about Kingpin in Daredevil as a possibly divisive example because he’s a villain. But his villainy was not related to his autism. They both just existed. This is also an example where the translator character is a man and also paid for his services, so it is not unpaid labor. And Kingpin’s romantic interest, Vanessa, accepts him as he is.

Clara added “Kingpin is definitely not a good person, but I love him.” She also agreed his character was handled well and is over the common trope of mental illness being the reason for the villainy.  

Clara talked about how so many villains are characters with anti-social personality disorders - the all villains are psychopaths trope. Then there is Sherlock who said in the first episode that he was a sociopath but no, he wasn’t, and portraying him that way is a problem. Rec’s the book and film I Am Not a Serial Killer - good depiction of someone with anti-social PD who is not a villain and not violent and who gets a diagnosis and therapy.

Ira said, in regards to villains, mental illness as a driving force for the plot becomes the reason for their villainy. There is a fascination in pop culture for the display of a villain’s psyche’s in a way that there isn’t for other types of characters.

Kristy talked about the debates between psychopathy and sociopathy. With the Sherlock thing that Clara mentioned - Kristy thought it was plausible because of the spectrum of disconnect in emotions involved. There is a problem in portraying all psychopaths as serial killers - many are CEO’s, accountants, soccer mom’s, etc. There are positives - the emotional disconnect can make someone with psychopathy good at hiring and firing people, for example.

Clara said that she likes depictions where anti-social characters can be helpful and useful.

Autumn spent the past year working with people with anti-social PD - people who require full time care. Incarcerated people tend to have it as a diagnosis but it’s not always a good diagnosis because part of the diagnostic criteria includes “criminal behavior.” The context of criminal behavior is not always taken into consideration.

Autumn said that the people she worked with had empathy but their feelings of guilt were so overwhelming that they melted down when they tried to tune into them. The problem is that this disconnect becomes habituated - it becomes a refusal to take responsibility for their actions at all because they can’t let the feelings in.

Jason asked the panelists to talk about depictions of therapy. This was Deanna’s whole job. He is unhappy with Barclay’s treatment in the series a lot of the time.

Ira commented that there are too few space therapists. In fantasy - therapists usually have another role in addition to the therapy.

Autumn talked more about Deanna as a professional empath. In seasons 6 and 7, the show started portraying therapy more realistically - the way therapy actually happened during the time the series originally aired. Autumn also added that Dax was unqualified for the role as councilor on DS9.

Kristy talked about therapy in speculative fiction sometimes being specifically therapy. Then there is Guinan in The Next Generation who did a lot of unpaid labor as a therapist for everybody, exemplifying the magical black woman trope as well. There are a couple of episodes focused on her character and her feelings, but not a lot.

Kristy is also interested in the idea of the holodeck being used as therapy. Also, in fantasy novels, the priest often plays the role of therapist. It’s worth asking who is doing the labor and who is getting paid for the labor and who is benefiting from the labor, especially through lenses of race and gender.

Ira talked some about the movement of getting therapy from your own demographic (for example, black and queer therapists treating their own people), and how that could be an interesting concept to explore in spec. fic.

An audience member talked about the white cis male frame that mental illness is often looked at through in fiction. As a counter example, brought up Nnedi Okorafor’s Binti and Akata Witch, as well as Andrea Hairston’s Will Do Magic for Small Change - which delve into black and brown ideas of not being allowed to feel and the harm that therapy can do. Horror, as a genre, looks at this sometimes, too.

Autumn said the issue is complex - the thing about therapy with someone who shares your demographic can work because the most important thing in success of therapy is a shared rapport, and often that can be found with people you share things with.

Autumn also shared that in real life, schizophrenia cuts equally across the population, but diagnostically that doesn’t show. Black and brown people have more distrust of authority for obvious reasons, and that can be viewed as mental illness. Similarly, Russia used anti-psychotics on people who didn’t trust the state - but they had good reason not to have that trust.

Kristy noted that the panel is all white and that this is a problem. An audience member began asking the panelists questions in regards to race, and was asked if she wanted to join the panel to speak on that and she did (everyone applauded - this felt very needed, although the panelists were doing their best to address the issues).

The audience member introduced herself as Cassie, and this was her first WisCon - she said this kind of thing happens to her a lot because being at cons sparks her hypomania.

Cassie talked about the TV show Insecure where one of the black main characters is seen in therapy with a black therapist and how amazing that is.

She also talked about the issue of black people being scared of being shot at by police and that getting a diagnosis of delusion slapped on them, but this is a very realistic fear. Also - black expression of depression is often anger.

As far as people with anti-social PD, the white ones tend to end up as CEO’s, the black ones end up in prison.

Cassie rec’d Binti as well and talked about the depiction of PTSD, isolation from one’s own community. The character does see a therapist, but there is so much misunderstanding due to cultural differences. There are access issues around therapy - both in real life and in SFF.

Clara talked about strict and narrow depictions of “otherness” in fiction and how we can only have one margliazation in a character. As if it’s unrealistic for someone to be both black and mentally ill.

An audience member commented - “I guess cishet white men have no trouble empathizing with others.”

Kristy talked about Shonda Rhimes shows, specifically How To Get Away With Murder has a bisexual black woman with mental illness as a main character.

Kristy also mentioned Hannibal - “I love relationships where the therapist ends up eating their patient, or vice versa.”

“If you love cannibalism and mental illness....”

Jason - and we’re out of time and have to end it there. [lol]

[So. This was a really good and really interesting panel for a lot of reasons, but I’m left feeling a little frustrated about the focus of it, only because well - I wrote this one up too and was thinking about it specifically touching on ways that SF and fantasy use the tropes of their genres to portray mental illness and when those are used well or poorly. The panel did a little bit of that, but it feels like it veered off a lot into other genres, discussing mental illnesses in general, and even when focused on SFF - it was more listing off works and what they did vs. exploring the idea of SFF tropes specifically in regards to mental illness. But perhaps I need to narrow the focus of the panel description more if that’s the panel I want to see? IDK. It really was interesting and I liked how they just invited the audience member to the panel mid-way through to gain her perspective. Also some cool recs!]