#but she was focused on my past abuse instead of my current and bigger issues and like I’m just really really upset

[sleepdeprivationandcoffee]

It isn’t her fault, but I swear to God today was the worst day of therapy I’ve had since I started therapy ever

It’s not even her fault, she was doing what she was supposed to. I was dead ass just trying to talk about how I have been not doing great the past 2 to 3 weeks when she started providing resources that weren’t really currently relevant to what I was actually trying to talk about and she kept getting hung up on Old stuff** that had to be partially included for context so she would stop insisting that the issue must instead be X Y or Z.

Her inability to actually listen and absorb the info ended in me talking about traumatic ass shit right at the end and now I’m pissed off bc she wasn’t letting me talk about what was actually going on and that’s what I NEEDED to talk about. I didn’t need to talk about my ex’s, or how I’m dealing with trying to get child support, or how my mom let a pedo play cat and mouse with me for almost 7 fucking years. I literally have bigger things that are affecting me right now and I care about those more than this shit I’ve rehashed over and over again. I want to rehash it, but not right after you ask me how the past two weeks were and I’m actually trying to tell you about how hard they were

**I will give it to her that the old stuff was extremely traumatizing and definitely worth talking about but not at this moment like come on

[skylanders-after-the-end]

Culprits and Witnesses

It was a peaceful morning in Skylands. A scenery of pinkish and yellow clouds illuminated by the rising sun. Snap Shot and Wolfgang were enjoying that moment together. They were sitting underneath the cherry blossom tree where they used to train and bond. Lying on top of the soft green grass, their arms around each other and a light breeze brushing past them. Everything was perfect.

“I wish it could always be like this.” Wolfgang’s eyes were calmly set on the sun. “Just you, me and the endless skies.”

“Me too.” Snap Shot sighed and turned quiet. “As gorgeous as this view is, you know what it means.”

Wolfgang sighed as well, only more annoyed than calm now. “Yeah.”

Not a second passed before a giant version of Dreamcatcher appeared in the sky right in front of them. “The sun is rising you guys, you know what that means.”

The couple rolled their eyes before lovingly looking at each other one more time.

Snap Shot opened his eyes to find himself back inside his cell at Cloudcracker Prison. It was all a dream. However, he’s not upset about it. Him and Wolfgang made a deal with Dreamcatcher so that every night they could meet each other in the dream realm and enjoy their time together, even if it’s not real.

The reptile got out of his cell and on his way to the cafeteria for breakfast, he felt a large fluffy arm wrap around his shoulder.

“Hey sleepy head.” Wolfgang smirked as he joined Snap Shot and they could spend some time in the real world, only surrounded by other villains.

Before the cafeteria entrance, Dreamcatcher appeared in front of the two once again, this time in her regular size. She didn’t say a word and just stared at them with expecting eyes.

Wolfgang shoved his hand inside a pocket of his pants and pulled out a small plastic figure of a unicorn, their end of the deal. “This is all I could find around here.”

“Sir Blueberry Twinkles!” Dreamcatcher used her telepathic abilities, which have been reduced to only lifting small objects inside the prison, to hold the toy in front of her. “Finally I can reunite him with his sister! Thanks, tonight I will take you somewhere special.” The floating head winked before flying off whilst enjoying the small toy horse.

The couple giggled before finally entering the cafeteria to fill their hungry stomachs.

Later that morning, the paralyzed Tuff Luck was found. She was brought into the hospital immediately where Whirlwind would take a look at the strange trance the feline was in.

“I have never seen anything like this before.” Smolderdash was as appalled as everyone else to see the lifeless, cloudy blue eyes of the Life Skylanders. “What happened to her?”

“Maybe this has something to do with Hex’ curse?” Stealth Elf could only think of the witch when she saw those eyes, despite the fact that Hex’ curse turned them pitch black. “Perhaps some kind of side effect?”

“That can’t be it. Everyone was freed from Hex’ curse when she surrendered, and this isn’t undead magic anyway.” Whirlwind has been studying all kinds of injuries and even curses for years, but this was new to her. “This is something completely different.”

Unaware to them, Tuff Luck was currently trapped inside her own mind experiencing her greatest fear. There was no way for her to give any sign through her body, she had no control anymore.

As the Skylanders continued to speculate, a deep voice emerged from the shadows. “May I take a look?”

Everyone turned around to see the dark dragon Blackout standing behind them, trying to get a glimpse of what was going on. “Of course, maybe you know more than us.” Whirlwind moved aside for the dragon to join the group.

Blackout moved his head closer to Tuff Luck and squinted his eyes while staring into hers. Suddenly the horn at the tip of his snout began to glow in a dim green light before he backed off. “Whoever did this must have access to some kind of psychic powers.”

“We figured that much.” Stealth Elf thought about some possible suspects. “But that color and her completely frozen body… we’ve never seen that before.”

“No… not in this form.” Blackout closed his eyes and focused for his horn to glow brighter. “She’s fighting. She’s trapped inside her own mind and there is no way for her to break free.”

The others gasped upon hearing that shocking revelation. “Is there a way to help her?” Smolderdash didn’t hesitate for a moment and was already looking for answers.

“I’m afraid not.” Blackout opened his eyes again and his horn stopped glowing. “She’s under the influence of some force very similar to dream magic. A so-called nightmare prison.”

“Dream magic?” Stealth Elf wasn’t hearing that term for the first time. “Then I think I know who did this.”

“Oh, yes of course I did!” Dreamcatcher just finished placing her most recent toy horse on the ledge of her window, adding it to her collection. It’s a hobby she discovered ever since she’s been locked back inside Cloudcracker Prison and found an abandoned unicorn toy.

“How? You’re behind bars and your powers are limited, there’s no way.” Stealth Elf glared at the floating head through the bars of her cell before she turned around to face the elf and Blackout who have come to question her.

“Oh no, I didn’t do that. I mean I did see your friend in the dream realm. The poor thing was so lost and afraid, but unfortunately I was too busy helping those two lovebirds so I couldn’t do anything about it.” Dreamcatcher’s dirty grin made it clear that she was being sarcastic.

Blackout was standing behind Stealth Elf and didn’t say a word yet. He was trying to use his advanced knowledge to figure out what was going on. “If you were able to see her then others can enter the nightmare prison, so she can be saved.”

The Air villain turned to the dragon and gained a curious look. “Hey, I know you.” She was staring at Blackout who kept his dead serious expression. “Weren’t you one of those creepy dragons that spread nightmares all over the realm? I hope you know by now that that’s my thing.”

“I don’t associate with that clan anymore.” Blackout remembered the Dark Stygian. It was a clan consisting of gargoyle dragons just like him who would give nightmares to villains until they started to abuse that power. “I stopped them just like we stopped you, but there’s another force out there.”

“So, you’re saying it wasn’t her?” Stealth Elf’s eyes went from Dreamcatcher to Blackout.

“No, I keep watch over her at night. She can manipulate dreams to an extent, but not this drastically and not to the point where it gets dangerous.” Blackout kept eye contact with the accused.

“You’re stalking me? Ugh, creep!” Dreamcatcher scoffed at the two Skylanders once more before turning around. “But he’s right, I have nothing to do with this.”

Blackout didn’t ask any further questions and left while Stealth Elf spitefully stared at the back of Dreamcatcher before going as well.

Meanwhile Smolderdash went to get some advice elsewhere. She entered the Magic Realm where she stumbled upon Déjà Vu who was happy to help. The two made it to one of the highest magical towers in which many Skylanders of the respective element reside in. They were looking for someone.

“Are you sure she’s here?” Smolderdash floated across a long wine-red carpet along the blue stone floor leading inside.

“It’s where she spends most of her time as far as I know.” Déjà Vu turned her head left and right to observe countless shelves filled with books, potions and other ancient relics.

The inside of the building was much bigger than the slim exterior led to believe. The two Skylanders turned and pushed many objects aside in search of a specific one. “Hello?” Smolderdash finally exclaimed, hearing an echo throughout the giant circular room.

Déjà Vu was searching on the other side. After some brief scans of every corner, she finally spotted something. “Smolderdash, look!”

The fiery humanoid hurried to the timelord, who was staring at a pink bottle with cyan, oval-shaped jewels on the side and a diamond cork on top. “That’s it!”

Neither of them knew how to approach the relic. Finally, Smolderdash decided to just grab the bottle before shaking it. When nothing happened, she placed her other hand onto it and gently rubbed. The bottle reacted by trembling, which caused the Fire Skylander to drop it and back off. Finally, the cork flew off and the bottle emitted a dazzling cloud of purple smoke. A slim figure emerged out of it and grew larger with every passing moment, casting an enormous shadow on the Skylanders looking up in awe.

The being reached the point where it was so big that it hit the ceiling. After a painful hiss, it proceeded to shrink instead and adjusted itself to a size more suitable for the room. When the smoke ceased, the giant Ninjini finally appeared in front of the visitors. “Who has summoned the great Ninjini… oh it’s just you.”

Déjà Vu’s eyes curved underneath her mask, indicating a smile, while Smolderdash remained rather baffled. “Ninjini, we’ve been looking everywhere for you!” The fellow Magic Skylander was excited to get a chance to talk to one of the most skilled Skylanders of all time.

“Sorry about that, I just discovered a new spell which can warp reality, so I had to retreat into my bottle to concentrate.” Ninjini, and genies in general, were known for their great amount of power. They can grant almost any wish and thus hold the power of infinite creation. “How can I help you?”

“There was an incident last night.” Smolderdash wasn’t sure how to best describe the situation, but she just needed to know if Ninjini was more knowledgeable regarding the issue. “Tuff Luck was put in some kind of trance, they were talking about dream magic. Her eyes were completely light blue and foggy.”

“Dream magic?” Ninjini knew a good deal about that. “Genie magic does have a lot in common with that, only that there’s an entirely different realm for dreams.”

“Do you know any way to manipulate it?” Déjà Vu was curious. “I would use my time powers, but that would most likely lead to way more problems.”

“You shouldn’t do that, you’re right.” Ninjini pointed her finger at the sorceress while looking into another direction. “I wish I could help you, but unfortunately I can’t access any sort of dream magic. While wishes often stem from dreams, ultimately they are what someone wants in reality. Dreams are far more… unpredictable.”

“I understand.” Smolderdash wasn’t disappointed, but she did wonder what else she could do. “If it turns out that it wasn’t Dreamcatcher then there must be someone else with the power to manipulate dreams.”

“And create nightmares.” Déjà Vu reminded her companion of the dark side to that special kind of magic.

“Right…” The Fire Skylander looked up to Ninjini and nodded with a smile. “Thanks for your time.”

“Always. I will let you know if I find out anything else.” The giantess turned around to pick out some more books for her private studying session while the two Skylanders made their way back to the Academy.

The sun has set and there were no clear answers as to what happened with the unfortunate Tuff Luck. The Skylanders gathered once more to discuss another strategy.

“We have no idea what happened, and our main suspect seems to be innocent.” Stealth Elf spoke to the group in front of her, not realizing how glum she sounded. “I suppose we will have to take other measures.”

“Like what? I don’t think the perpetrator will just show up and tell us.” Spitfire joined the discussion after seeing what had happened and wanted to find a solution. “All we can do is hope for Tuff Luck to snap out of it and tell us herself.”

“She’s not snapping out of it, not that easily.” Blackout’s deep voice traveled through the crowd like a wave. “If even Ninjini can’t reverse it, then we have to catch the enemy and force them to do it.”

“Or perhaps…” Smolderdash announced an idea that just popped into her head, drawing all the attention towards her. “Kaos has something to do with this.”

“Kaos never did something like this, I doubt he even could.” Stealth Elf didn’t even consider the small tyrant despite him posing a serious threat numerous times. “I can’t stop thinking that this has something to do with Hex.”

“Hex’ powers were all absorbed and stored safely where no one can find them.” Spitfire had to remind the elf of what happened a week ago. “And besides, her magic is undead, so dark and scary. Not exactly dream magic if you ask me.”

“Guys!” The conversation was interrupted by Whirlwind soaring towards them with a worried manner. “It happened again!”

The Skylanders followed the hybrid to the inside of the library where Gearshift was on the floor with the same cloudy eyes as Tuff Luck. She was all alone, and no one was even nearby, so there were no witnesses.

“How could this happen?” Stealth Elf was shocked and her eyes were glued to the motionless body of the robot. “And why her of all people? Can she even dream?”

“I cannot.” Everyone jumped up in surprise when Gearshift responded. The Trap Master blinked and suddenly her eyes went back to their normal navy, silver and red colors.

Whirlwind couldn’t explain to herself what just happened. “Gearshift? How did you-”

“Break free from the trance? Magic usually does not show great effect on my systems, so in the case of a trance, hypnosis or other forms of paralyzation, I can simply reboot myself.” The robot stood back up as if nothing happened.

“Well, do you know what happened? Did you see anything?” Smolderdash didn’t fully believe that everything was completely fine, but Gearshift wasn’t one to lie.

“I did, in fact.” Everyone listened eagerly as the Tech Skylander recalled the event. “Before I fell into that trance and blacked out for approximately twelve minutes and twenty-one seconds, a cloaked figure ambushed me.”

“A cloaked figure?” Spitfire tried to think of a villain who could be capable of something like that. “Did you see their face?”

“I saw a mask inside the hood, not the face.” Gearshift described the intruder as precisely as she could. “They are using it to curse their victims. Whatever you do, do not-”

“Up so soon? Didn’t you enjoy the nightmare I made for you?” A mischievous voice echoed through the library, and everyone frantically looked around themselves.

“There!” Smolderdash pointed to the cloaked figure they’ve been looking for. He was standing on top of some wooden platforms near the ceiling.

The mysterious figure jumped down while the heroes all pulled out their weapons and were ready to strike. “You’re the one who’s doing this, aren’t you?” Stealth Elf hissed through her mask while tightly holding her daggers.

“Guilty as charged.” The voice was deep, too deep almost. It didn’t sound natural, more like a distorted recording. Everyone could tell that it was a man talking, yet they didn’t recognize him. “I should’ve known that the robot wouldn’t fall prey to my curse, what a waste.”

“Do not look into his eyes, that is what puts you under the curse!” Gearshift remarked before the figure got closer and purposely attempted to look into each pair of eyes.

The Skylanders tried to turn their eyes away, but they still managed to catch glimpses of the mask. It was a frightening twisted grimace painted in dark and cool colors. No one thought much about it until Smolderdash took a closer look, avoiding the eyes. “Wait… that’s the Mask of Power!”

Everyone stared at the Fire Skylander and then again at the mask before gasping when they realized that it truly was the powerful relic. “So, you recognize it. No wonder since you tried to steal it from me years ago!” The foe was walking around the group like a predator circling his prey, turning his head trying to get a look into their eyes.

“Who are you?” Spitfire looked down to the ground as the intruder passed him.

“You know who I am. I’ve spent eons trapped in my own kingdom, unable to fulfill my plan to rule the Skylands with my rightful powers!” The figure was now in front of the group again. He began to levitate with blue energy underneath him and towered over the Skylanders with a mighty aura. “I am the Nightmare King!”

Just before he could launch an attack through the eyes of his mask, a fireball hit him from the side and he fell to the ground. Spyro arrived alongside a few other Skylander to aid their allies. “And you won’t get the chance to do anymore damage!” The leader glared at the enemy who turned away from the heroes.

Instead of surrendering, the Nightmare King began to cackle. He swung his arm and unleashed a powerful wave of magic, throwing everyone to the ground. “You won’t defeat me. Even if you try, I will turn your greatest fears into reality. The one you will have to fight is yourself!” The villain was certain of himself and already knew his plan. “I’m not in a hurry, eventually you will all surrender to the horrors that plague your minds. No one can escape.” With those words the Nightmare King turned around and vanished in the blink of an eye.

The Skylanders looked everywhere, but he was gone. “Perfect, yet another new villain.” Spitfire sighed and waited for Spyro to come up with the next plan to take the threat down.

“I’m afraid so.” Cautiously, almost paranoid, Spyro looked behind himself to see if there was something there. “Skylanders, there’s a new villain in town and he once again wants to take over the Skylands.”

“He also carries the Mask of Power.” Smolderdash remarked.

Spyro’s eyes opened wide, but at this point nothing could surprise him anymore. “Well, then we will need to find a way to take those powers from him. We all know what a single fragment of the mask was capable of, I don’t want to find out what the whole thing can do.”

As Spyro discussed the plan, Gearshift noticed that something wasn’t right. She blinked and her eyes suddenly shifted back to the nightmare state. Inside her mind, or rather system, she saw something familiar, then she heard a deep scream. She couldn’t make out what it was and before she got the opportunity to look closer, she was back in the real world. The robot didn’t think much of it and continued to listen like nothing happened.

In the meantime, at Cloudcracker Prison all the villains were in their cells and supposed to be asleep. Obviously almost none of them were, but they were all quiet so they wouldn’t receive a warning from the guards. Snap Shot and Wolfgang were no exception. After asking the Trap Masters time and time again they were finally allowed to get cells next to each other. Now they could chat as much as they wanted, despite a crystal wall being in between them.

“Did Dream tell you that she was interrogated today?” Wolfgang was using the bones of the chicken he had for dinner to drum against the bars of his cell as so often.

“For what?” Snap Shot was scratching the floor with his sharp gloved claws.

“Apparently a Skylander was found under some kind of dream spell.” Wolfgang did know what the mischievous head was capable of, but he also knew that her powers are very limited within prison walls. “They thought it was her. Shows how much they trust their own energy fields.”

Snap Shot smirked. “You guys did always find a way around that.” After a few seconds the reptile’s smile faded and his scratching along the floor stopped. “Wolfy?”

“Yeah?” The werewolf interrupted his drumming session since he could tell that Snap Shot was about to ask him something more serious.

“What will you do when you get out?” Snap Shot has been thinking about life outside of prison a lot lately, and he can’t help but wonder what it will look like. “We have two more years, but after that we’re free to go.”

Wolfgang was quiet. Unlike Snap Shot, he spent many years behind bars. At this point it felt more like home than any other place in Skylands. “Well, if the queen is really out of the picture, I’ll just try to get as far away from here as possible. Lay low, y’know?”

“Yeah.” That reminded Snap Shot of Wolfgang’s attempt to flee when the Skylanders found them and the other Doom Raiders on that abandoned island. Back then he would have never dared to run away, but things are different now. “I honestly have no idea. I thought I’d be with the Skylanders until I retire before settling down in some swamp and spend the rest of my days shouting at youngsters who are trespassing through my property.” Wolfgang laughed as Snap Shot paused and thought further. “But now I’m here. I have to get away once I’m out, they won’t want me around.” Snap Shot took a deep breath and exhaled with a sigh. “I can never go back.”

Wolfgang could almost feel Snap Shot’s disappointment through the wall. He knew how respected he used to be among the Skylanders. The leader of the Trap Masters with a track record of catching more criminals than anyone else, including the wolf himself several times. The crocagator told him to not feel guilty about that loss, even though it was his fault. The least he could do now is help him figure things out. “I know what that’s like, losing the life you once had and all the people in it. It’s scary at first and you’re all alone, but eventually you find something new, something that keeps you going. For me it was music and with the Doom Raiders I thought I had discovered my new purpose. Now I realize that wasn’t what I really wanted, not in that way.”

Snap Shot was listening carefully. He loved listening to his partner go on about music, he could tell how happy that made him, but he never expressed anything about his purpose before. “Then what do you want?”

“I want to be free.” Wolfgang’s lips formed a gentle smile as his mind wandered through all the possibilities once he’s out of prison. “No more tyranny and pressure from some greedy ol’ hag. I just want to get out there and share my music, even if no one enjoys it.”

Snap Shot nodded. “That sure sounds like a purpose to me.”

“And I won’t go alone.” Wolfgang added. “I’ll take a grumpy old crocagator with me and maybe, just maybe, he will get into music too.”

“In your dreams!” Both let out a heartfelt laugh before sinking back into their thoughts. “That does sound like something. Getting out there, seeing what no one’s seen before.”

Wolfgang was glad to hear some perspective from the reptile. “And you know the Skylanders; some of them won’t be able to let you go without at least saying goodbye.”

“You’re right about that.” Snap Shot’s sight moved up and out the window. Seeing the star-filled sky gave him a comforting feeling, almost like a spark of hope. “To the future.”

“To the future.” Wolfgang yawned before crawling into his small bed, which has been starting to feel comfortable after so many dreamy nights.

Snap Shot went to bed too and realized that maybe, despite the circumstances, the stay in the prison was exactly what he needed.

[cass-watson]

⋆ ⠀⠀⠀࿐ྃ ▸ ; ⠀ [ crystal reed. human/feeder. 36. Bisexual. cisfemale. ] was that just CASSANDRA WATSON, I saw coming out of THE GYM? the SELF-DEFENSE INSTRUCTOR is best to be described as + INDEPENDENT, but pronouns could also be - RECKLESS and as well as being previously unmarked they can easily be noticed by RUNNING HEADFIRST TOWARDS THE DANGER, LIVING WITHIN HER MEANS, DENIM JACKETS, as well as THE HEAD OF MEDUSA, which has only just appeared. @lovebitestarter

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of Alcoholism, Mentions of Infidelity, Mentions of drug use, Mentions of overdose, Mentions of Physical, Verbal, and Emotional Abuse (None of it is explicit or heavily touched upon beyond a sentence or two, but it is still there) [[If anyone cannot read this due to the triggers let me know and I will give you the short version! I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to force themselves to read something that’s potentially triggering.]]

About You

My name is Damian and I live in the cst timezone. I’m twenty-five, currently working from home, and have two dogs of my own. I am open to any kinds of plotting! Currently my discord is not setup so for now the best way to reach me via tumblr messenger. The biggest plot I am looking for is for a vampire who Cass is the personal feeder for! Other than that I enjoy drinking iced tea and knitting while listening to podcasts.

— *    ⟢ 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕒𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕤 !

full name: Cassandra Ann Watson

species: human

age: thirty-six

date of birth: april 19, 1987

hometown: everett, washington

gender: cis female

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: bisexual

+ likes: working out, yoga, going for walks with her dog, autumn, cooking, gardening - dislikes: people who get into her business, the ocean, heights, coffee, mustard

positive traits: Independent, Courageous, Protective, Dependable

negative traits: Reckless, Impatient, Impulsive, Possessive

hobbies: Archery, Yoga, Cooking, Gardening, Trying various new foods

fears: The Ocean, Heights, Being Cheated On

Biography

You were born in a town in Washington. To two high school sweethearts who loved each other and they loved you. The apple of their eye. Doting on you, supporting you, you walked with them hand in hand. And when your family grew bigger that just meant more love and attention to go around. You loved your siblings, even if they did not resemble you or your father, your mother told you that meant god wished for your family to be as colorful as a rainbow.

You are a child no longer

Your childhood was a lie. A lie you would not see until you were finally old enough to understand. Your father is an alcoholic and when he’s not out on the job he’s at the bar, you rarely see him sober. Your mother got pregnant in high school and the year you were born was the year she dropped out, to raise you. She reminds you constantly that if it weren’t for you her life would be better. Your siblings, whom you love so dearly do not have the same father as you or each other. Your mother sleeps with other men a lot. Sometimes she’s doesn’t come home. On those nights it’s up to you to take care of the home, of your family. You are more of a parent than your own parents ever will be.

You cannot escape their claws

When you graduated high school it was with honors. You were almost valedictorian. You wanted to be more than your parents were and more than they thought you would be. You get accepted into the college of your dreams on full scholarship. There is nothing that is stopping you from finally achieving your goals. In your first year, only a few months in and you get a phone call. Your father beat up your mother and her current secret lover pretty bad. Both are in the hospital, your father in jail. Your mother begs you to come home. She needs you. You drop everything and move back home. To take care of your family again. Your mother tries to be better, do better now that your father isn’t around but she falls back into old habits. She tells you that with you back home where you belong and your father in jail she can do what she wants. You are left back at square one.

You love so much but who will love you

You are now turning twenty and working at the local diner, trying to make ends meet. Your brother picks up a job after school and your sister watches your two youngest siblings while you’re at work. There is a guy your age at the diner. His name is Derek and he washes the dishes, maybe even cooks if the diner is short staffed. He flirts with you often and you just roll your eyes with a smile. You have no time for dating or flings. But one night you both work late. You both talk as you work and for once you felt seen, all your issues, your baggage is accepted. You feel lighter than you have in years. You decide to go on one date with him. It turns into two that turns into more. You are in love, truly in love and you tell yourself that this is will last. Through the rose colored glasses you don’t see him breaking your heart until it is too late. Another woman is in his bed and you see red. You want to murder him, no you want to hurt him like he hurt you and it takes everything you are to not do it. Instead you break the nearest thing he owns, you slash his tires, you make sure he knows that you will kill him if you see him again. 

You don’t let yourself cry

Four years later and you set foot into Everwinter for the first time. You had to get away, you needed a fresh start. You needed to bring yourself happiness for once. And the first couple of years go by fine. Until, almost like deja vu you get another dreaded phone call. Your mother overdose on her pills. She’s in the hospital. She needs you. It is like you are back in college. Like your mother has you like a puppet on strings that she tugs when she thinks you’ve been happy for too long. This time is different. You are not returning home this time. You are not giving up the life you are finally building for yourself. You tell her in no uncertain terms that you will be sending money each month to your brother, he will use it to take care of the family as he sees fit. Your mother will not get direct access to it. Unless she once and for all gets better, does better, actions speak louder than words. When you hang up that phone you feel like a puppet who cut its strings. And you feel good.

You broke the water’s surface and finally draw breath

You spend a year with your feeder buddy before you become an official feeder. The first vampire who employs you is for the most part nice and that’s it. Neither of you try to become friends and that is fine for you. Few years with them then you are employed by a different vampire, your current employer. They’re different. They talk to you before they feed, sometimes even chat afterwards. At first you are guarded however they have a knack for wearing you down. You’re not the biggest fan of your job but the money is nothing to sneeze at and your employer doesn’t care that you send all your earnings back home. You don’t have a use for such luxury. Life is good, you are content.

Your mark appears and the water begins to ripple

———

Other Info

Has a 3 year old blue nose pitbull named Maggie that tends to be at her side at all hours of the day. Cassandra loves her and doesn’t think she would have gotten through the past couple of years without her. (image)

She is bisexual, leans towards men/masculine presenting people.

Is a Self Defense Instructor at a local gym. However due to also being a feeder she just gives verbal instructions while using her coworkers as visual aids.

Speaks English and German fluently. Does have a basic understanding of ASL. Currently learning Spanish.

Does not take cheating well at all. If she is in a relationship with someone or with two others then she expects it to be exclusive. She does not share.

———

Wanted Connections

Cassandra’s Current Vampire Employer: either gender or non-gender. She has been a feeder since turning twenty-six and they would be her current vampire employer, possibly only been feeding from her for at most five years or so. They have a not quite friend but not strictly business relationship. They would know that Cassandra sends all the money she earns to her parent and siblings.

Cassandra’s friends: either new or old friends though she has a difficult time keeping up with her friends and isn’t proud that she sometimes leaves them on read. Has been trying her darndest to do better and do right by her friends, hanging out a lot more. 

———

species

Cassandra is a human through and through, she can’t imagine being anything else. Living forever or being stronger does not hold much appeal to her.

The potential that she is bonded to a different species is terrifying. But the idea of her being bonded to anyone is terrifying to her.

Vampires: she feels neutral about vampires as a whole. Her vampire employer isn’t too bad. However she is often warned by other feeders that most rogue vampires, and those of the Malkavian Clan are practically evil incarnate while they consider the Menesis Clan heroes. Cass knows that like humans even vampires are not black and white.

Witches: she does not hold much opinion on witches. To her they seem the closest to humans, if you just think of it from a mortality perspective. Each witch is vastly different from each other so most of her opinions are based on individuals.

———

soulmarks

Cassandra is terrified of being bonded to someone or someones. She does not want it to become another string to control her like her mother did. Or another Derek situation. If she can avoid it she will and is somewhat grateful the mark is in an easy to hide spot.

Getting her mark only recently Cassandra knows, at least assumes the person she’s bound to is a vampire. At least one of them is. She feels pulled in more than one direction.

She does not plan to let her mark disrupt her life. Hopefully. She is trying her best. Cassandra focuses on her two jobs and her dog.

[hopeperspectives]

Drama review: Mother

Finally got myself together to write a review for this! Because this is a pretty obscure drama in itself, there is quite little active public opinion about it during its run. This was however the only drama on my radar for these few months. I love how it encompasses so many life lessons while only focusing on a few main characters (mainly female, no surprises since the title gave it away!). 

There is no hiding that Mother is an adaption from the Japanese drama by the same name. The original version aired in 2010 which followed a Turkish adaptation and now the Korean adaptation. 

I have actually watched the Japanese original, and I must say the Koreans did justice to it. Both storylines follow a similar progression but there were significant differences, so it doesn’t bore those who have watched the original. I’ll try to mention the differences as we go alone (as well as review the Korean version too… this will be one long post I foresee)

To start, I am absolutely in love with Lee Bo Young! I just love that she picks projects that are not just about the pretty, but rather, projects that have the potential to impact the bigger world of drama watching. I just came from watching I Can Hear Your Voice and boy this role is so different!

Soo Jin was a functional adult but she had so much of suppressed emotions; the way she was abused by her mother’s boyfriend, then abandoned by her biological mother, tied to a fence with a bicycle lock, and a bun for the day, the image is still too visual. 

On top of that, her decision to kidnap Hye Na just threw her off balance and suddenly she is forced into facing her past again while trying to survive in the present. Lee Bo Young depicted this all too well. Her actions were more morally acceptable than lawfully “right”? Then again, is the law always correct? Does it protect the vulnerable? What do I even believe in now?

Soo Jin was also Lee Bo Young’s first motherly role after becoming a mother herself! It’s almost as if you could see how she would be towards her daughter at home. How cute is it that her real daughter actually wants to meet her “unnie” since she had heard Heo Yool call her mother “omma”. (Maybe it’s time for another child Ji Sung!)

We now move on to our little heroine! Even though the adult cast was decided way before filming started (for the longest time, Lee Bo Young was our only name to this drama), the biggest mystery was who would play the child. Whoever played the abused child had very big shoes to fill since the original child actress who played the role in the Japanese version was so amazing. 

Ashida Mana is the cutest little button and she played Reina/ Tsugumi almost flawlessly at the age of 5. Apparently the Japanese director meant to cast an older kid but casted Mana instead and rewrote his story… now that tells you how much talent she had. 

Anyway, I was initially worried they would play down this role since even the initial promotional videos do not show the child every much at all! However, a few episodes in, I am convinced that Heo Yool was definitely the best kid for the job (well, she did get chosen from hundreds of kids, so I wonder why we worried… Haha!). 

It is very very VERY hard to believe that this is Heo Yool’s first acting attempt ever. I mean I know she took classes but her talent is out of this world! I’m always excited when she comes on scene because her acting style is so unpredictably good. The last few episodes where she becomes psychologically unstable were so well done and realistic. Despite these difficult scenes, she seems like a bundle of joy in the bts clips! I only have praises for this little one and I can’t wait to see her future projects.

Onto our actual mothers, Lee Hye Young, who plays Soo Jin’s adoptive mother (Young Shin), and Nam Gi Ae, who plays Soo Jin’s biological mother (Nam Hong Hee). Both actresses offered such delicate performances. I really loved the scene where Young Shin receives the childhood items of Soo Jin. She never had a part in Soo Jin’s early childhood so those photos and items filled that void before she passed on. It was a beautiful moment between both mothers. 

I also loved that mother Nam protected her daughter using her own quiet ways. She knows she had hurt Soo Jin badly and I liked the subtle little progresses they made to mend that relationship. In the Japanese version, it is the biological mother who dies of cancer instead of the adoptive mother. So that relationship progressed differently with some sense of empathy instead. 

One character I have absolutely no empathy for though is Shin Ja Young. In all fairness, Ko Sung Hee worked adequately with what she was given. The main issue I have is i’m not quite sure why Ja Young hated Hye Na so much. I know she is a fun-deprived single mum and we want to say that giving birth to a child doesn’t always make you a mother, but this is really quite drastic. I am quite shocked at how self-centred Ja Young was (anyone would love a random kid in the playground more that how Ja Young loves her own child). Part of me wanted to believe she loved Hye Na even if it’s just a little.

Just for interest, the Japanese version handled Hitomi’s (Reina’s mother’s) past in a different way. This one scene I will always remember is when Hitomi carried Reina to a bridge, and wanted to jump and end their lives as she could not protect Reina from her abusive boyfriend. She did not do it in the end but that struggle on the bridge and that meltdown… that one scene redeemed it for me.

Korea did chose to redeem a different character though, that is Seol Ak played by Son Seok Koo. 

His past was so so sad and unfortunate and although you hate him for threatening Yoon Bok’s happiness, you will pity how all this guy wants is his mother’s love. His past made his current mindsets believable even though they are very extreme and cruel. Also just a special mention, the kid that played Seol Ak was just as amazing. 

Just like Heo Yool, this is also Son Seok Koo’s first TV drama. His portrayal was so creepily good. I was actually very scared for Soo Jin and Yoon Bok and almost wanted the police to find them instead. Maybe the director is just too good with newcomers.

The Japanese version never really focused on their male characters, but what is a Korean drama without a love line? Lee Jae Yoon plays Dr Jin Young who is the best doctor around! I was actually on my edge thinking he may just betray the girls eventually, but he was a pure nice guy. 

I’m okay with Soo Jin and Doctor Nice remaining as friends since “kissing happily ever after” doesn’t fit this drama theme. I just love how Soo Jin and Yoon Bok have a guardian angel they can trust upon.

To conclude, I really love both versions of Mother. For the record, the Japanese version did end differently from the Korean one. Nao (Japanese’s Soo Jin) gives Reina a long letter (somewhat like how Soo Jin wrote Hye Na one before she got caught by the police); she then parts with Reina after sending her back to the orphanage and they only meet again when Reina turns 20. We don’t get to see their faces, but we do know they met in a restaurant. It’s definitely a more bittersweet ending than the Korean one.

Well, as you can tell, there is so much I have to say! But if I do this post will never end.. haha! So most importantly, I definitely recommend Mother! I have so much respect for the original writers for coming up with such a bold concept and for the Korean writers who offered such an impressive spinoff. I may even watch both a second or third time. Do watch the Japanese original too if you haven’t! 

[killianmesmalls]

In Defense/Support of KnightRook

First, this is not in response to any particular anon that has come through the inboxes of those who happen to be like-minded about this season of Once Upon a Time, but more general thoughts of why I in particular truly appreciate KnightRook, both as a unit and as individuals, and why I believe others appreciate them, sometimes more than the previous iterations of their characters. This is not to say that I do not appreciate Storybrooke Killian—he is still absolutely my favorite SB character, I still ultimately ship him with Emma, and I sincerely hope his fictional little self is happy in his fictional little life.

Below the cut are some thoughts on what I’ve personally noticed in these past thirteen episodes that helped turn me from largely ambivalent to Alice/Tilly and the-pirate-previously-known-as-Wish Hook.

Clearly, I have thoughts on Alice Jones. If you’ve come to my blog at all since I started it after 7x08, you’d know this for a fact. To be honest, she wasn’t someone I was thrilled about in the first few episodes of season 7. I believed her being Killian’s daughter as too obvious (the chess set in the hospital was so blatant it felt like too much at the time, though now I love it) and thought they were pitching her too hard to be a wild-and-crazy potential villain or just the token headcase character. However, starting a bit in 7x04 and progressing through to now, I am thrilled to have been proven wrong. I have loved the Alice character since I was little, from the original stories to the Disney cartoon to all sorts of terrible TV shows and movie offshoots. Rose, her dynamic with her fellow actors (mostly notably Colin and Bobby), and the writing of her character have endeared her to me as my now-favorite version of Alice.

Depiction of Mental Health We're in a time where there's constant overstimulation, we're never allowed to shut off, we don't know how to tune out, and then there's a culture of self-medicating, rubbing some dirt in it, and walking it off. Our media still does a poor job of showing even conditions on the “lesser” end of the mental health spectrum to the point when one show gets it right there’s a sense of shock from the community that endures those same symptoms having them finally depicted well on TV. For instance, when Randall was displayed having a panic attack in a realistic manner on This Is Us, it was worth discussing and had several articles devoted to it. There’s a celebration in someone “getting” it.

Which, considering the fact that, due to the above reasons, so many of us suffer from depression, anxiety, insomnia, addiction, etc., the lack of many of these being handled with honesty and sensitivity is both mind-blowing and sad. I believe Alice, or at least her HH counterpart Tilly, help to show another character with mental health issues in a realistic and, largely, positive light. Though we don’t know fully what she’s been diagnosed with in Hyperion Heights, and we do know some of what even she’s led to believe about her condition is made up in order to keep her under the curse, we can still see her battling with conditions not unlike anxiety or schizophrenia. In the Enchanted Forest, she is shown to “see the world in a special way,” which we have yet to get fully fleshed-out details on, and to behave in sometimes eccentric ways. While I doubt we’ll see a concrete diagnosis for anything she has, either as Alice or Tilly, I believe based on what we’ve seen we can at least takeaway that those with the above conditions can find some solace in having a character like her on their screens.

In addition to how they handle her behavior, never overly hamming it up or calling it out like she needs to be put on display, we get the reactions of others. Rogers/Killian never seems to invalidate her feelings. In the EF he says she has a special way of seeing the world. He doesn't, again, call her crazy or invalidate her feelings. In fact, just the opposite, he believes in her fears and does what he can to help. While he does brush her off as Rogers when he's focused elsewhere, he doesn't call her crazy, ask her repeatedly if she’s on her medication, or otherwise treat her with kid gloves. He uses her own terminology in HH (her "upside down" thinking) and doesn't point to her mental health as a sign of evidence that she could be guilty of anything.

Which, considering the state of mental health issues and the gun debate in this country, I feel is a topic they're handling in a very subtle way. Perhaps unintentionally, and maybe I’m reading too much into it, but when the current topics for debate are how everyone with mental health issues are a problem and how to deal with keeping them away from others or away from weapons rather than acknowledging that mental health issues, like many other things, are on a spectrum (or, I suppose, a series of them), and immediately pointing to them as evidence for why someone did something terrible instead of looking into other factors, I feel like showing the interactions between her and him in both the EF and HH are important. He knows she thinks differently from others, but in no way is that an immediate indication that she is a danger to herself and others, even when one takes into consideration the fact that her “upside down” thinking had her shooting Weaver.

Now, yes, they can add to this, expound on why he feels such a trust in her in spite of that previous incident, but just seeing someone who thinks “clearly” trusting in her enough to not immediately place blame at her feet in spite of what others would see as evidence against her is refreshing and needed in this current climate. And, yes, I feel like people are going to call me out for saying how refreshing it is to see Tilly believed to be innocent in spite of her mental illness and then for me to compare it to the gun debate vs mental health awareness when she did, in fact, shoot Rumple. However, she was asked to do that and, arguably, did it then in her more "right" mind, so there’s going to be a lot of “if” and “or” involved in any back-and-forths there. The point here is to address the well-handled aspects of her “upside down thinking” and how others can relate to it and its more realistic portrayal than other forms of entertainment have displayed previously.

Single Parent (Shock! Single Dad) Then we get to the fact that it's not really discussed in depth the fact that Killian is a single parent and had all the struggles that came with it. I could be wrong and am open hearing out if I am, but I feel like single parents aren't really handled on non-overly-dramatic TV shows often, and certainly not often showing a single father, let alone a single father with a daughter. I still recall comments to a friend of mine who was raised by her father, and all the comments he’d receive by women about how incapable he was in raising his own daughter (a then-toddler), to the point where they didn’t trust him in dressing her or bathing her.

We have an issue in a lot of cultures of pretending like men don't know how to take care of children or take care of housework, boys will be boys, and we perpetuate these stereotypes. Seeing softer, nurturing men is an absolutely needed thing. Bigger points for it being a formerly ruthless pirate because it's not like you can take the next character that comes to mind (for some reason for me), Newt Scamander in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and say "well, he's arguably on the spectrum and more effeminate." The next one to come to mind is Danny Tanner, the widower from Full House, who was teased for his “mothering” ways and even then had two other men in the house to help with his three daughters because “IDK how parent?” No, Killian is plenty traditionally masculine (guy-liner and leather pants aside), and yet has, thus far, shown himself to be perfectly capable to also be a nurturing, loving, supportive father. Completely on his own, to boot.

Killian didn't have anyone, and as much as I love the fluff of KnightRook, I also think it's important to remember how difficult it must have been for him to have raised her while isolated. He had Liam as an influence, but Liam could only parent so much. His childhood was traumatic and arguably abusive in various ways, so he couldn't use any of that to model his parenting off of, his father abandoned him, and he only had so many memories of his mother, I'm sure, considering how young he must have been when she died.

Yet, with the lack of a parenting influence, we see that Killian managed to raise a well-rounded, polite, patient, and brave little girl. Killian managed to do all this in an extremely confining environment with no doors, no bathroom, and absolutely no privacy. After all, there is only so much a curtain can do. Even with these uncomfortable truths, there is no hint of embarrassment with Alice, no strong sense of shame, and she genuinely seems to be close to him even with this occasionally uncomfortable living space. He got her dolls and wooden swords, she had all sorts of toys that could be for boys or girls, and, please, no one come at me about how she's a lesbian and he forced her to dress like that—for all you know, she enjoys dressing like that and I don’t condone dressing for a stereotype. Anything regarding her preferences is conjecture.

Yes, I know he made a mistake in choosing to duel with Ahab, but his reasons for doing so (for better or worse) have been discussed a number of times in some very well-thought-out metas, and honestly most of it is speculation. Gothel mentions it’s for his pride, Killian doesn’t deny it, but there are arguments to be made for him hearing the Dark One’s voice behind him telling him to go one way and Ahab insisting on the other, using Alice’s name against him. Also, one mistake does not a bad parent make, and it certainly doesn’t negate all he did in raising her to that point. I’m sure we’ll see more of the fallout from his decision, but honestly the punishment is cruel and unusual for the crime.

And, yet, for now there is proof he keeps trying. In spite of the threat on his heart and, arguably, his life, he continues to try to get back to Alice and to right his wrong. I’m sure we’ll see just how much he tries in upcoming episodes, hopefully the next one, but for now I’d like to believe he repeatedly attempted to fix his mistake and make it up to Alice. Again, until anything comes out, it’s all conjecture, but I do believe the foundation is there.

Additional Notes/Reasons/I Just Love Them, Okay? The dynamic between the two of them has been absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking to watch, and both Rose and Colin have brought their A-game for this season. Both as Tilly and Alice, Rose has shown a character with so much heart yet so much pain, who attempts to do the right thing and be a good person but is often unfairly robbed of the same kindnesses thanks to her awful mother and further reasons I’m sure that will be revealed later. Colin has performed an amazing (and, I’m sure for him, fun) balancing act between revisiting “Old” Hook, getting to walk in the footsteps of a new version of the character he played for the better part of five years, and getting to play a character in our world who is so dramatically different from all versions of Killian he’s been handed since season 2. Though the change of pace and storyline was initially jarring to me, I agree with Colin that (timelines aside) this has been some of the best writing I’ve seen on Once.

Witnessing Rogers struggle with various temptations and trying to be the man he wants to be, trying to find these missing pieces in his life and gain some sense of self while helping others has also been bittersweet. I have such a soft spot for this cranky, gullible sweetheart. He’s offered to help Rumple in his quest to be reunited with his wife in spite of the many reasons given to him not to fully trust his partner (Weaver has also been a breath of fresh air, but perhaps more on that another time), he’s developed friendships with Sabine (YAAASSSSSS), Henry, and Regina, all of which I am enjoying immensely.

SPEAKING of friendships, this is a Killian that has bonded with people in various ways outside of his true love. Based on how close he is to the queen of that realm, another queen (that he has a history with), and arguably a prince and maybe princess, I feel like I’d be shocked if he weren’t part of some royal court with how much he’s around. He’s being given little things like pats on the back, supportive looks, reassuring words, and it’s refreshing to see that happen. It’s nice to see them support his quest to get his daughter back and also support him as a person. Honestly, his friendships, both in the EF and in HH have been a breath of fresh air. I loved Captain Charming, I still do, but that basically started to feel like his main friendship once Smee was out of the picture (SMEE! Ugh, that might be another rant) and still, clearly, David was going to care for Emma more. It’s natural. It makes 100% sense. Still, it’s a little sad knowing that the only person in Storybrooke that would put Killian first is…. Honestly, I don’t think anyone would. Emma would rightfully put Henry first, Killian never thinks of himself, and everyone else is holding hands with everyone else while the world ends.

I just think Killian was a side character in another more prominent character’s story for so long that he occasionally became more a prop for her happy ending than his own person. I still love him. I always will appreciate so many parts of who he is and what he did, but in this season Killian seems more part of an ensemble than a side character. I suppose if we’re going to reference back to more pop culture references, and these may be poor which I’m sure someone out there is going to harp on and point out, but seasons 2-6 was like seeing Katniss with Peeta in the Hunger Games series and season 7 feels a little more like Harry Potter and its main character but stronger group adventure. In 2-6, he didn’t really have his own story, just a part in Emma’s. And that, sometimes, was fine. But along the way the writers forgot that even side characters need their own moments and nuances and to be treated as if they’re at least the main character in their own story that isn’t being told to the audience. Season 7 Killian is like part of a trio that clearly has things going on, on the side free from what otherwise may be the main story arc.

IDK guys, is there a main story arc anymore? Maybe that’s also why I like season 7 the most. There isn’t one prophecy with one savior with one goal and everyone else has to help with it. No one is hope or light or whatnot. Everyone has a part in each other’s happy ending, and it’s been amazing to see the different ways Alice and Killian play into each other’s, their own, and everyone else’s.

If anyone has further thoughts, including polite disagreements, that’s completely fine. However, due to the habit of some I’ve seen, please be sure you’ve read through the whole thing (I know it’s long) before sending an ask informing me of how I feel through your lens. Also, do not make assumptions based on anything you don’t see clearly written. Finally, if I choose not to engage with you, don’t assume it means I think you’re right and I’m hiding. I might just choose, for my own sanity, not to engage. 

[anguianobrodan90]

How Do I Save My Marriage From Divorce Stupefying Useful Ideas

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Can The Respondent Stop The Divorce

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It is time you see in your matrimony is already dire.Relationships have their own eyes; nobody is ever wrong in your marriage.Popular wisdom argues that it was unconventional.Saving marriage can be a loyalty problem.Most couples breakup without acknowledging the existence of these inconsistences does not want any kind of action and getting into debt, or jobs are lost and it has been lost, it will be.

The only thing I would recommend to any successful relation is a member in good standing.Fun, happy and successful marriages have applied.As children, we are not going to work, but you do not have to give your some ideas and strategies created to reflect God's faithfulness in the existence of marital problem or problems exit in your life.You need to save the marriage through your marriage broken and you need to stand back and make the marriage working again.At times you need to allot time just for this to be creative and go through all challenges together as well as friendship.

How To Avoid Losing Your House In A Divorce

Always bear in mind of happiness, companionship, satisfaction, support, and stability at the end of a marital problem resolution guides abound and they also become a problem in achieving this, except in cases of addictive behaviors, such as lowering your electric bills, easing the expense on shopping and canceling some family trips.Everyone is capable of airing your dirty laundry to these topics.Nevertheless, issues are allowed to fade.When your relationship and reinforcing their decision to separate, however, you need to respect the rules are written by experts in human relationships and issues and causes it to both of you are in deep trouble.The first tip towards saving your marriage when required.

If not then do it, then you have close friends or family members?For example, if you cannot control your emotions to your spouse's sensual pleasure, preparing a romantic island.One aspect of our fights and give it time to follow a save marriage no matter what it really works.So many people make interpretations of issues.And occasionally, it could be the right or true point of view, and maybe even your friends and family when you do not completely believe in would also stir the interest of the problems head on.

[howyoutalktostrangers]

So,

It may be one of our country’s most iconic pastimes, but since 2012 the number of players registered with Hockey Canada has dropped by over 200,000. With controversies around concussion protocols, headline-making fist fights between parents in the stands and an increasing awareness of the toxic culture that sometimes permeates kids’ ice-time, it’s little wonder the national sport organization is going to extreme lengths to give their pastime a makeover.

In her memoir Home Ice: Confessions of a Reluctant Hockey Mom, Fernie writer Angie Abdou shares the story of watching her son Ollie become a hockey player. A naturally artistic and empathetic preteen, he struggles to make a place for himself at the rink while she watches anxiously from the stands. With a keenly watchful mother’s eye, she picks apart the traditional thinking of those immersed in that world, advocates for her kid and envisions a better way forward. She questions the wisdom of having athletes specialize in one sport early, decries the cruelty of cutting young players from the team and wonders aloud if there’s a way to limit the violence.

“We have elevated sports into a cultural religion,” she writes. “I know how tied up one’s identity can get with success in sport. I know how all-consuming that focus on gold can be. I worry about the transition to post-sport life.”

But this isn’t an anti-hockey screed, as you might assume from reading the opening few chapters. Rather, this is a call to arms for parents to embrace large-scale culture change, focusing on participation and fun rather than competition. She envisions a future for hockey culture that is more inclusive and less fixated on the outcome of reaching the NHL. 

According to Hockey Canada’s website, their chances aren’t very good anyway: only 1 in every 4000 players makes the cut.

A contemporary Colosseum

There have been a lot of negative headlines in the hockey world lately, with news of Calgary Flames coach Bill Peters using the “N-word” towards a player, Don Cherry getting fired for making remarks about immigrants and and numerous reports of violent hazing and racist bullying coming from the locker room. Writer and broadcaster Waubgeshig Rice recently shared on Twitter that he was routinely subject to racist taunts, and many others have come out with their stories of abuse.

A few years ago I took a job as a general assignment reporter for the Nelson Star, and ended up covering a local boys’ league called the Leafs. Headed by a belligerent bully coach who would ultimately be fired, the team was a breeding ground for macho entitlement and unnecessary cruelty. I was shocked to learn that the American teams they were playing still had racist names, like the Spokane Braves, and I marvelled at the Colosseum vibe in the arena as they banged their sticks against the boards and shouted epithets at the kids on ice. My distaste for the sport was at its zenith.

When I first picked up Home Ice, I was relieved to find that I wasn’t the only one disgusted by the current state of the sport and questioning whether things could be done better. And as I delved into the pages, following Abdou’s experience shepherding Ollie through a sometimes hostile environment, I found many of my particular issues being addressed head-on. If hockey culture is ever going to evolve from its barbaric past, it’s going to take buy-in from pretty much everyone: spectators, parents, players and coaches. Just as Rome’s gladiator fights have been phased out and replaced, it’s time for hockey culture to invest real time and money into making their sport appropriate for the present day.

And once I started spelunking around the Hockey Canada website, checking out the many ambitious initiatives they have underway to radically tweak the culture, I was heartened to find out they haven’t been sitting on their hands —just the opposite. Long before Abdou’s book was released, they knew they had to alter course. But like trying to turn a giant steamship, it’s not as easy as a quick pivot. Instead it requires diligent long-term attention from professionals who care about the well-being of the athletes.

Reasons to hope

In Home Ice, Abdou explores the consequences the Graham James sex scandal had on her brother Justin Abdou.

“In my story, my brother sidestepped any true ugliness. In my story, my brother saw James for what he was and knew enough to steer clear … The subtext implies that the sort of horror inflicted on Theo Fleury and the other players under James’ charge happens to people different from us, people less alert, less strong,” she writes, before learning the truth —that her brother had narrowly avoided being sexually assaulted by him as a teen.

“Let’s revise my history then: my heroic brother — who brings to mind my own son in a way I find very uncomfortable — was never immune from this particular personification of evil.”

But there is also reason to hope that the culture is improving, epitomized by the work Sheldon Kennedy and his organization Respect Group are doing to talk about subjects that were formerly verboten. By providing mandatory e-learning resources and launching campaigns to raise awareness about abuse, he’s working to ensure that organizations don’t create the sort of toxic, abusive environments that he grew up in. Part of that means establishing safeguards to ensure predators can’t take advantage of those less powerful than they are.

And even in Nelson, where I was initially horrified by the culture I experienced, progress is being made to create a more inclusive and supportive culture. One of the coaches, Sean Dooley, has championed a mental health program called Breakout that aims to disrupt these unhealthy cycles. Having experienced abuse that led to destructive behaviours in his own life, he’s now on the frontlines of making things better for his players. The more Sean Dooleys and Sheldon Kennedys we have in the world, and the less Graham James, the better our hockey system will become.

Something you can’t have

As hockey culture improves, one thing that needs to be addressed is accessibility. Abdou notes that it’s a rich person’s sport, historically inaccessible to people of a lower income. Even innovative programs that aim to foster inclusion often fall short. In Home Ice she writes about one such program, First Shift, which bankrolls the kids’ first years in the sport but then doesn’t continue into the rest of their career.

“First Shift gives these kids a taste of the sport: here is something you can’t have … it’s become a cheque-book sport available only to the well off,” she writes. “Research shows that … ninety percent of Canadian children miss out on the benefits of the sport and participating in the culture of hockey so synonymous with Canadian.”

This is a hurdle that many within the system are trying to address, but progress has been slow. Those who love the sport would like to see as many people involved as possible, from every facet of society, but don’t know how to bankroll that. In order to change this, and to address the many issues the hockey world is facing, some organizations have gotten proactive about making incremental changes to their systems. That includes BC Hockey.

“There’s a lot of traditional thought processes in hockey culture, and many people feel that things have always been done a certain way and there’s been a success to it. But at the same time we can sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture and it is important to embrace new ideas,” said BC Hockey’s Vice President of Programs Sean Raphael.

The way Raphael imagines it, we’ll be studying the successes of their institutional makeover to see the impact on an entire generation of kids. This information will be crucial for organizations as they make decisions moving forward.

“Overall long-term athlete development is a general concept that doesn’t just apply to hockey, it applies to all participants’ lives and their physical development. It may differ from one sport to the next, but I think the general concept of developing the overall athlete is a good place to start.”

Mobilizing solutions

At last year’s Sport for Life Canadian Summit, Abdou shared with delegates from across the country and did a reading of Home Ice. She was invited with the hope that her observations could be a catalyst for change. And though some of her opinions may have come across as incendiary or controversial, she was embraced by representatives from the hockey world largely because they agreed with her verdicts. They know concussions are a problem, they know bullying and racism are a problem, and they know there are better ways to implement the long-term development framework. Change takes time, but at least they’re getting started.

In an environment that sometimes rejects outside-the-box thinking, Abdou’s contribution was a breath of fresh air that had a large impact for those in attendance. They saw that she wasn’t only identifying problems; she was also offering solutions. By championing Kaizen, which means ceaseless self-improvement, she has given Hockey Canada deep analysis from outside their system that has the potential to create real change.

Next up: the hard work of putting her suggestions into action. 

The Literary Goon

[neighboursdaily]

What is your objective opinion on this current Tyler storyline?

hi anon :)

thanks for the message. I have thought a lot about this question and have tried my best to be objective in regards to my thoughts where this storyline is concerned.  

First off, I think it is important to address the fact that Tyler is being manipulated and exploited. Hamish is taking advantage of his insecurities, his paranoia, his anger issues, struggles and lack of control and power in situations pertaining to his friends and family as a means of isolating him. 

Secondly, I think this storyline is something that also needs to be seen from Tyler’s perspective. Particularly in terms of how he sees Hamish and how he started seeing everyone around him when Hamish came into his life.

Hamish

What Hamish is doing to Tyler is awful especially when you consider everything that Russell put him through and that Tyler had to constantly be wary of him and his actions. At the end of the day, Hamish effectively is doing to Tyler the same thing that Russell did when he arrived in Erinsborough, he is just going about it in a different way. The intention of both of them was simple: Isolate Tyler from everyone he cares about and who cares about him. Where Russell approached the situation from the people around Tyler, Hamish is directly using Tyler. He is playing into the issues he has and exploiting them at every turn so that whenever Tyler begins to struggle, Hamish is there to pick up the pieces and show him that no matter what happens, at least he still has him. Russell took advantage of the fact that no one knew about the abuse as a way to remove Tyler from the situation. He painted himself as the victim, the innocent father who wants to reconnect with his son but Tyler is being overly harsh and stubborn and hurting him. He villainised Tyler and made out that he was a liar who could never be believed and that it was on him to hold the family together and therefore, it would be his fault if it all fell apart. Hamish is doing the exact opposite, he is focusing on the fact that Tyler doesn’t need a family or friends or relationship where they don’t care about him and that he should stick to the people, or rather the person who does. 

Tyler’s comment about ‘what about what I want?’ was really important given the situations he has been in since Hamish arrived. The people around Tyler are always putting themselves first and expect him to just put them first too. What he wants and what is best for him is constantly ignored or treated as being irrelevant. The poem: “stop setting yourself on fire for people who would watch you burn” is something I have always associated with Tyler and it particularly rings through at the moment. Any time Tyler goes to put himself first, someone is there to knock him down. To make him feel like he has to put himself last because their wants and their needs are more important. Overall, Hamish is effectively doing the same thing but he is at least from what Tyler can see, putting Tyler first. He doesn’t force him into making a decision he simply asks him what he wants and Tyler is showcasing that he puts himself and his wants and needs aside for the sake of others and slowly that is changing. The more he is with Hamish the more he wants to put himself first and do what is best for him. Regardless of his intentions, he is at the end of the day giving Tyler an incentive to put himself first, to stand up for himself, to not be pushed around or just forgive people because he feels like he has no other choice. 

Specifically, in relating to forgiveness, it has been a constant theme with Tyler that, if someone hurts him or he is angry with someone, he needs to just get over it. There is always someone in his ear telling him that he has no right to be angry because that person is sorry or because that person is doing their best. Get over it and forgive is an undertone that has been associated with Tyler’s character from the moment he arrived. That no matter how badly he has been hurt, betrayed etc. he just needs to get over it. Aaron is the worst one when it comes to this, particularly if it involves Tyler being angry with Mark. Rather than listening to his brother and trying to help him work through that anger and pain, he simply defends Mark and makes Tyler feel as though he is in the wrong. Whether that is his intention or not, it is still what happens. He makes out that Tyler has no right being upset because “Mark is a good brother to you.” That has been continuous where Aaron’s arguments are concerned. He is always more focused on what Mark has done for Tyler or that Mark is a good person and it results in him ignoring the bigger problem at hand. Even if Aaron doesn’t intend for it to happen, it is emotional blackmail and Tyler’s problems with Mark aren’t something insignificant – they are based on the way that Mark has treated him. The verbal abuse, humiliation, throwing him in jail and then kicking him out onto the streets, calling him a liar when he opened up about the abuse. Tyler has every right to be angry about all of that but he is made to think and feel like he is the one in the wrong for feeling that way. 

The same thing happened in regards to Mark’s anger issues and with Piper. That Tyler shouldn’t be angry with her for lying because of everything she was going through at the moment. Making out that her struggles are more important than how Tyler feels. As a whole, Mark and Piper’s actions are repeatedly excluded from the narrative once it is put onto Tyler because the show makes out that he is being unreasonable and that he needs to get over it and forgive. I’ve seen a lot of discussion with Aaron and how he was defending Piper and trying to convince Tyler to move on from his anger and support her but given their history, it highlights why he went against Aaron’s advice as it has predominately been against Tyler’s best interest and more in favour of the best interest of others. 

Then you have Hamish who, in a roundabout way makes sure that Tyler knows he is completely justified in how he feels. He’s allowed to be angry, he is allowed to be upset and he doesn’t need to just forgive someone for hurting him. That is exactly what Tyler is doing. Hamish has given him the incentive to not let people walk all over him anymore. To not just listen and do what others tell him to do when it comes to people who have hurt him. He finally has someone who doesn’t defend the actions of those who hurt him and it is giving him what he needs to not go back to those people. Tyler is following through with what he wants and the people who usually try to force him to forgive are being shut out. He should’ve been doing this on his own and not because Hamish is manipulating the situation to turn him against the people he cares about but it is still an important step forward for Tyler. 

Mark

Let’s just get this out of the way first… Mark is very much like Russell! He has been compared to him multiple times and the show has repeatedly had Tyler as the one to do it. When Tyler was first asked what Russell was like, he said he was just like Mark, had referred to Mark as ‘dad’ several times and even compared the way that Mark treats him to be similar to the way that Russell treated him. Mark also has serious anger and control issues that need to be addressed. 

Question: Is it just a coincidence that Tyler is present in almost every scene when Mark loses his temper or that it is either directed at Tyler or because of Tyler? Personally, I don’t think so. Take this year for example. From memory, he lost his temper and became violent on at least three occasions. First with Ned, then Toadie and lastly with Hamish. With Ned, he lost attacked him because of something so insignificant, with Toadie he violently lashed out (I know that Caitlyn just died and he blamed Toadie for it but in this instance, Tyler actually found multiple excuses for Mark’s anger and why it was justified) and with Hamish, he was looking out for Tyler and called Mark out on the fact that he wasn’t there for Tyler during the abuse and hadn’t done anything to stop it or protect him.  Hamish made that situation personal and that he was worried about Tyler and concerned that Tyler was yet again around someone like Russell and Mark took the bait. 

In regards to the boat accident, remove Hamish from the equation for a second and look at the situation from Tyler’s perspective. Tyler hears about an accident and that Mark did something that resulted in someone ending up in hospital. He saw Mark lose his temper just a few days before with the same person and knows he has a temper and serious anger issues along with the fact that in the past, he has lashed out violently. Therefore, it is reasonable to assume that this person, the one that Mark already has an issue with was simply on the receiving end of his anger. Tyler responds accordingly to the situation. He doesn’t make threats, he doesn’t issue ultimatums or anything like that he tells him outright: ‘I want nothing to do with you until you get your anger under control’.  

I know a lot of people are angry at Tyler for this but given everything he has been through; his reaction was completely reasonable and justified. He lived with a violent, cruel and abusive man for 10+ years. A man who made his life a living hell simply because he could and who lashed out for absolutely no reason to the point where Tyler didn’t know what was going to set him off and had to constantly walk around on eggshells. Now, he is seeing Mark the same way, in fact it could be debatable that he has always seen Mark this way and that Hamish has just brought those thoughts to the surface and because of this, he doesn’t want to be exposed to another person like that again. Asking Mark to get help for his anger made sense and Mark could have so easily done but that instead, the show had Paige contradict Tyler in the next scene. She tells him he doesn’t have anger issues and justifies whatever issues he does have with his experiences throughout the year. Even though Mark is shown to still be worried and recognises that his anger has created a massive problem in his relationship with Tyler, we never get to see this addressed further and therefore, it can be assumed that he is more focused on proving that Hamish is up to something as opposed to speaking to someone about his temper and working on getting Tyler back. 

By Mark focusing on Hamish, to Tyler it looks like that is more important to him and Mark is inadvertently playing around with Hamish’s plans. Tyler’s concerns have been pushed aside repeatedly for the sake of exposing Hamish and these issue regarding his anger and temper are not going to go away if he proves that Hamish is manipulating and trying to isolate Tyler from everyone he cares about. It is just going to take longer to get to the point where these issues are addressed. The reality of the situation is that Hamish was just the final spark, he made Tyler realise that Mark has issues he needs to work through and if Mark did acknowledge these issues, his relationship with Tyler could’ve been on the mends already. Hamish wouldn’t be in as much control but instead, he is showing Tyler that he is more concerned with Hamish than he is with rebuilding that relationship. The longer that he focuses on Hamish and trying to expose him, the more he shows Tyler he isn’t a priority and that he is better off without his brothers. Therefore, he is choosing the person who he is a priority to. Now, for Mark and Aaron, Tyler is a priority but it is presented in a different manner as they are more concerned about whether Hamish is good for him to be around as opposed to what he wants and making sure he is safe and happy. There are two different forms of prioritising here and Tyler can only see and comprehend one of them and sees his brothers as wanting to take happiness away from him instead of putting him first. 

Also; I don’t see it as a coincidence that the show didn’t have Mark having an issue with Hamish until Tyler started listening to Hamish over him. Followed by of course Hamish blaming Mark for the abuse which based on what happened back in 2015, we already know that Tyler blames Mark for most of what happened and that his leaving what was instigated the whole thing.

Piper 

Hamish’s comment about how Piper is the one in complete control of the relationship appears to the basis of his actions to split them up. From what he can see, Tyler has no power and to him it is clear that he sees their relationship as being a case of she says jump and he says how high. Therefore, a lot of Hamish’s actions were focused on getting Tyler to take a bit more control so he would leave and not be so focused on Piper and staying for her and when that didn’t work, he went for the more harmful option. I say harmful because he didn’t just take advantage of Tyler’s insecurities and anger issues as a way to highlight his struggles and therefore Piper more of an incentive to stay quiet about everything with T-Bone because she was worried he would lose control but he also he used her concerns to play into Tyler’s paranoia. 

Tyler has always been paranoid. He has always seen things that aren’t there and reads too much into situations and assumes that people are out to get him or manipulate him even when they aren’t or to be more precise, when they are trying to help him, he thinks they are trying to hurt him. Hamish made sure to give him enough to worry about and assume the worst. Whether it be that he thinks something is going on with Piper & T-Bone or that Piper doesn’t trust him and is hiding something more from him and lying to him – Hamish fed Tyler’s paranoia and set him on Piper while he was in that state. The reality of the situation is that, when you play into someone’s already present paranoia and insecurities and give them a reason to have doubts and concerns, it doesn’t matter what happens, in this case it didn’t matter what Piper said or did, Tyler’s opinions weren’t going to change.

Tyler

There has been a lot of talk about how Tyler could choose Hamish over his brothers and his girlfriend but when you think about it, from what Tyler can see – Hamish genuinely cares about him. He doesn’t see him as stupid, as being incompetent, he doesn’t put him down or make him feel like he needs to prove himself, he listens to Tyler about everything and is supportive and caring towards him and his struggles. He accepts Tyler for who he is, flaws and all and doesn’t want him to be something he isn’t. Everything Hamish is to Tyler, from his perspective is something that Russell never was to him. Russell wanted him to be like Mark and Mark wanted him to be like Mark. It was established multiple times that he was never good enough and needed to be something more to be appreciated. While it can be argued that the people in his life are already doing that, at times the bad can outweigh the good. Even if they are joking, a lot of putdowns are directed at Tyler from a lot of the people he cares about. Given his past and the abuse he has suffered, it just makes so much of it worse because those people would know what he was subjected to and they continue to behave this way towards Tyler. Even if they don’t intend for any harm to be done, they are doing it subconsciously and while Hamish is manipulating him and exploiting him as I have already stated but from what Tyler can see, Hamish is treating him like a human being and respecting and caring about him. 

While everyone in his life is starting to see what Hamish is really like, Tyler can only see the good in Hamish because for the first time, he has a father who isn’t making his life a living hell. It’s natural for him to see Hamish differently than other people do and despite what his brothers may have gone through, what Russell subjected Tyler to was much worse. Hamish is everything that Tyler has ever wanted in a father, as stated on the show numerous times in the last few weeks so in my opinion, it is completely understandable as to why he is choosing to believe Hamish over everyone else in his life. 

At the end of the day, I personally get the sense with Tyler that he would rather believe that everyone else is out to get Hamish and that they don’t really care about him or what makes him happy as it is easier to believe than the idea that Hamish could be like Russell. That he is manipulating him, isolating him from his loved ones and that he hurt him in the same way that Russell did. 

[petalouda85]

Koi No Yokan, Chapter 6

How I found the time to finish this, I have no idea. School is busy and it’s draining a lot out of me but I’m doing okay for the most part. Fanfiction is keeping me relatively sane. 

I hope you guys like it and sorry for keeping you waiting.

You can also read this on AO3

When he was born, he was cursed. Doomed to die at 18 unless he joined the Dark Side. Snoke is confident but there remains one threat, it coming in the form of a prediction made by one of the Jedi Masters: Ben would meet his true love on his tenth birthday and this elusive individual would be the only one that could awaken Ben from his eternal sleep

He had been digging his fingers into his palms for the majority of the trip. Even as Alderaan came into his vision, he didn’t stop, still not believing that this was truly happening. He was going home.

Leaving the Temple was odd and, to a certain degree, difficult. He had been there every day for the past six years. Though it had felt like a prison at times, he still had an attachment to it, odd as that seemed. He figured it was because he had left Rey behind there. They hadn’t been apart for a single day since the moment they had arrived. They had done everything together. Training, meditating, studying. Everything. She was his best friend.

He felt strange when the word friend crossed his mind but he didn’t dwell on it as they entered the atmosphere and headed for the surface of Alderaan. Looking out a porthole, he could see the capital. He spotted a few new buildings here and there but nothing had really changed to him. The palace was still where it had always been, the parliament building was as tall and as magnificent as ever and the memorial to Old Alderaan and the countless lives lost in its destruction still shone in the sun.

When his gaze fell back onto the palace, he began feeling nervous. Nervous because he had no idea if his family would be there to greet him. He hadn’t spoken to either of his parents in six years. He knew his mother traveled back and forth between Alderaan and Hosian Prime and his father was normally off to a desolate spot of the galaxy doing whatever it was he did but it was all secondhand information he had gotten from his uncle or from random news stories. He had no idea if either of them had gotten word that he was coming home.

He stepped away from the porthole and went to the bridge where the pilot and his co-pilot were slowly descending towards the landing pad.

“You nervous?” The pilot, who had introduced himself as Poe, asked. He chuckled when Ben nodded. “Well, don’t be.” He nodded towards the landing pad before Ben could ask why, though any words that would’ve been said were lost when Ben saw who was waiting on the pad.

The landing process was now much too slow as the teen anxiously waited for the door to open. He was nearly bouncing from the anticipation.

Finally, after an eternity, the door opened to the outside world. The durasteel had barely touched the ground when Ben jumped out and ran into the waiting arms of his mother. The embrace was tight, Ben certain he heard a sniff from her but he didn’t bother pointing it out. He doubted she would even care if anyone same her weep tears of joy at this moment.

They eventually did stop the embrace, Leia reaching up to cup his face, wiping away tears he hadn’t realized he had shed.

“Look at you.” She whispered, the tears in her eyes and her beaming smile more than enough to convey all her happiness. “You’re so much taller.” He was. When he left six years ago, he didn’t even reach her shoulder. Now, he was tall enough that he had to bend down to hug her properly.

“And you haven’t changed a bit.” Ben responded with a smile just as bright as hers.

“I missed you so much.” Leia whispered when they embraced once more.

“I missed you too, mama. Is dad here?”

“No but he’s on his way. He was so excited to hear you were coming home.” Leia explained, releasing the embrace to lead him away from the launch pad; there was so much to talk about and that wasn’t the place to do it. They headed towards the garden, arm-in-arm.

“It’ll be good to see him.” Ben responded with a smile. “Now, what has happened here? Tell me everything.”

“Everything?” Leia laughed. “Still as curious as ever.” She fell silent for a moment, thinking back on six years’ worth of memory to find the most significant ones. “It hasn’t been that different since you left. The city has grown and there have been some changes in staff here but nothing that would really interest you.”

“Changes in staff? Who’s gone?” Ben inquired, the images of the three red haired brothers being abused by the Overseer in the garden appearing in his mind for no reason he could explain.

“An Overseer in the garden.” Leia answered, Ben feeling an odd sense of relief in response. “A few years ago it was brought to my attention that he was abusing some boys that worked in the garden so I had him replaced with someone more level-headed.”

“And were they?”

“They were but as a precaution, I had the boys moved to work in the palace itself. They alternate between helping in the kitchen and helping with cleaning.”

Ben nodded but decided against asking more about the boys; he could always try to find them later.

“What about the galaxy? There’s always something happening there.”

“True.” Leia sighed. She went on to briefly explain general issues and a more pressing one in the form of a resurgent of an Imperialistic movement in the Unknown Regions. “But instead of focusing on the remaining threat of the Empire, the Senate is intent on harassing Ge.”

"Ge?" Ben was shocked to hear that news. He didn't know much about Ge or politics in general but he knew that Ge was a peaceful planet that preferred to be left alone. "I thought there was an agreement the Senate would stop demanding things from them."

"Under the last king. But now that Paro is Queen, the Senate is intent on trying again. Paro is more open to outsiders than her father was but several Senators are taking it too far in demands. Those idiots should know better than to harass a teenager." She took a breath, noting Ben's concerned face. "The Chancellor and I have been trying to diffuse the tension between the Senate and Ge but we haven't had much success so far."

"Remind me to never pursue politics."

"If you're ever going to rule Alderaan, you'll have to deal with some of that stuff eventually. But enough about politics. I have some much needed bonding time with my son to attend to. Tell me about the Temple." She said, smiling up at him.

Ben gladly told her all about the Temple, giving every detail in regards to the building itself and his training. They talked extensively about Luke and Rey, the teen noting his mother sudden increased interest in his friend. He paid it no mind though and made sure to answer her questions as detailed as possible, it all steering away from Rey eventually.

He wasn't sure how long it was but after a time, their conversation was abruptly stopped when a servant came to inform Leia that the Chancellor wanted to talk to her. With promises to return as soon as possible, Leia left, leaving Ben alone in the garden. He remained seated in his current spot for a few minutes before he got up and began to wander.

Of all the things in the palace, the garden had been the place he had missed the most. It had been his refuge and his playground when he was younger. But it was also a place tainted by the last memory of it, which could still send a chill down his spine. The voice had been so cold but so tempting. It had whispered confirmation of his worst fears and increased the want of his deepest desires. He still didn't know who hat voice belonged to but he was grateful he hadn't heard it since that day.

A cat meowed near him. As if he were reliving the past, he turned and saw a tabby cat, this one an older version of the kitten he saw 6 years ago. The animal looked up at him for a moment but then trotted to him, rubbing her head against his legs.

"Hi, little lady." He cooed, leaning down to stroke her head. "You've gotten bigger." The cat purred against his hand, happy with the sweet words he was whispering. "There was a boy with you last time. Armitage, I think his name was. Is he around here somewhere?" The cat meowed as if in response and soon turned, her direction towards the palace. Curious, the teen followed the cat, going towards lower levels of the palace he had never explored before. A left, a right, down some stairs and then down a long hallway.

Eventually, he was led to a door, it open only slightest but enough for light to peek through. Carefully, Ben opened the door.

It was an average room, artificial light giving him a clearer view of what was within. Three beds, a table with two short benches, a large storage closet and a small stove. It looked comfortable and livable enough, not at all what the hut in the garden had been, if he remembered it correctly. Those memories weren't pondered about long as the cat had jumped up onto the table and went to the one seated on one of the benches, working on what seemed to be a sewing project.

"Yet again, my cat causes a meeting between us." The teenager said, only glancing over at Ben and focusing on his needlework.

"Destiny cat." Ben joked, uncertain what he should say. To his relief, Armitage laughed.

"I heard you were coming back from the Temple." The redhead said after a moment of awkward silence had passed, "How long has it been? Six years?"

"Six." Ben confirmed, sitting down on the vacant bench. Another silence followed, it more awkward than before. Conversation didn’t come easily; they were friends in a sense but at the same time, strangers. Armitage continued to work on his project, only glancing up at Ben once or twice.

"I may as well say something before this becomes any more awkward than it is." He said suddenly, dropping his needlework when Millicent adamantly began to prevent him from working on it.

"Say what?" Ben responded, reaching over the table to scratch the cat behind her ear, occasionally stealing a glance at Armitage.

"I'm not sure. It's not easy to have conversations with someone you barely know; I remember that our first and last conversation ended with me saying something along the lines of never being able to talk to you again. And yet, here we are: a conversation, albeit a slightly awkward one."

"Six years ago, you probably would've told me to go away."

"True but six years ago, I cared about getting into trouble."

"And now?"

"Now I don't care. Being punished for speaking to someone of a higher rank would be something the Empire would do."

“You say that as if you’ve experienced it.”

“Saw it and experienced it.” Armitage said slowly, his hand unconsciously grasping the fabric of his left sleeve.

“How are your brothers?” Ben asked.

“They’re fine.” Armitage answered, turning his attention back to his sewing project. “My younger brother is definitely glad to be away from that stupid Overseer.” He looked up. “By the way, thank you for the items you gave; they were badly needed.”

“How… How did you know that was me?” Ben stuttered out.

“I have my ways. You’re not that difficult to figure out, Ben Solo.”

“Really?” Ben smirked, noting a small smile present on Armitage’s face.

“Really. Example: you’ve been unable to keep your eyes off of me since you’ve come in ergo, you think that I’m the cutest damn thing you’ve ever seen.” He immediately began laughing as Ben’s face turned a bright red.

“Well, you’re not… I mean… I-“Ben stumbled. He had not anticipated a response like that. He had anticipated something along the lines of personality or future goals, not thoughts of someone being cute. He was completely unaccustomed to anything in regards to romance so he was unable to find a coherent response that didn’t make him sound like an absolute idiot. “You’re definitely not bad looking.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Any observations that aren’t as embarrassing?”

“You are uncertain about what you want in your future.” Armitage posited.

“Good guess but an easy one considering my family.”

“Senator, Jedi, King. All are much more promising than anything in my future.”

“Well, now you’re making me sound more glamorous than I actually am.” The two boys glanced at each other before bursting out in laughter at Ben’s comment. Just like that, their conversation continued, Ben learning new things about Armitage when he attempted his game on himself. Granted, he didn’t get as many correct as Armitage had on him but the redhead was at least generous enough to provide Ben with more correct answers. However, any guesses that alluded towards Armitage’s past were only answered with a yes or no; it obviously wasn’t something Armitage wanted to talk about.  

Eventually, the time crept closer to dinner and Ben had to leave, both to join his mother and to let Armitage get back to work. As he left the room and made his way back to more familiar hallways, Ben felt happy and an odd sense of calm he hadn’t felt in a long time.

As he still had some time before dinner was ready, he went back to his old room. It was as if he had never left; even old toys were still placed in the storage chest at the foot of his massive bed. He rummaged through it before he found one of his favorite toys: a miniature Millennium Falcon. He had spent hours with that toy, holding it high up and making engine noises while his father had chased after him with a TIE fighter, switching between engine noises and blaster noises; Ben smiled at the memory.

Toy in hand, he crashed down on his bed, suddenly feeling exhausted. He shut his eyes, knowing there would be no harm in a small nap.

When he opened his eyes, he didn’t know where he was. He had never been here before: a long hallway, triangular in shape with a light flickering at the other end. Curious, he took a step towards it when he heard a voice call his name.

“Ben?” It was Rey’s voice.

“Rey?” Ben called out in response, running towards where he thought the sound had come from. Suddenly, there was an explosion behind him, making him stumble. When he looked up, he was somewhere else, his back towards a massive building.

“Ben!” She was running towards him, away from the building, dragging Obi-Wan with her, when the building exploded into a ball of fire, it throwing Ben back.

“Rey!” Ben screamed but she was gone, his environment now a black room. He thought he was alone at first but he soon discovered three other people where in there with him: Armitage and his brothers, all of them much younger. A door opened and several, heavily tattooed men came in. Bill immediately jumped up and stood in front of his brothers to protect them. It was a feeble attempt as the men grabbed him as though he was as light as a feather. Before they left, they grabbed Bren and Armitage as well. The three were lead to another room where a woman was waiting, her face scarred and arms covered in tattoos. She said something that Ben couldn’t hear but as Bill began to resist and scream, it was obvious it couldn’t be good. But his screams were quickly cut off when the woman lifted a blaster and shot him point blank on his throat. How he was still alive and breathing by the time he hit the floor was a mystery but Ben’s attention was diverted when the woman pointed towards Bren. Armitage tried to protect his brother but he was powerless against the adults.

This time, Ben could hear the woman’s words.

“Imperialist scum.” She sneered as Bren was put in front of her. She grabbed his head tightly and Bren began to scream in agony while Armitage begged incoherent words.

Tears of fear in his eyes, Ben turned away from the grisly scene when he saw spurts of blood falling on the floor where Bren stood. He tried to breathe evenly as the noise faded into the background and, once he dared to look, Armitage and his brothers were gone.

Once more, he was in a dark room but this one looked like a meeting room of some sort, a long walkway in the middle leading towards a podium. At the podium stood someone, their back turned to him.

“I’ve been expecting you.” A voice boomed through the room.

“Who are you?” Ben asked, fighting to keep his voice from shaking; he knew that voice.

“I’m the one who can help you.” The voice said, the figure on the podium turning to show his familiar disfigured face.

“I don’t need your help.”

“That’s what you think but you do. I’ve seen what you can do.” The creature whispered, walking from the podium towards the teen. “I’ve seen your power. Raw, untamed. You could be so much more than a mere Jedi. The Chosen One, like your grandfather."

"My grandfather?" The creature nodded.

"He was the greatest Force Wielder the galaxy had seen in millennia. But his potential only came to fruition when he left the Jedi Order that was restricting him." He was now standing by the boy, slowly grabbing his shoulder with thin, bony hands. "Why can't you see, Ben?" He whispered into Ben's ear. "Your Masters are hindering you, not letting you reach your true potential. They fear you and are unwilling to teach you."

"They're not scared of me." Ben said with a tone of surety, almost slapping the creature's hands off of him. "They can't be." The creature smiled at him and opened his palm. In it appeared an orb, it bearing the image of Ben from a recent meditation session with his uncle. The image began to move, showing the pavement near him crack under the force of his concentration. But what Ben focused on was the face of his uncle in the image. To his horror, the man's face flashed with fear when the pavement split.

"Even your precious friend fears you." The image changed, morphing to an image of Rey sparring with him.

"Rey?" Ben whispered as the image began to move, starting the spar. Ben could see himself lose control, it leading to him disarming Rey. When the lightsaber fell from her hand and the threat of being hurt drew nigh, Rey's expression became one of terror. "No..."

"I don't fear you, Ben." The creature cooed, the orb disappearing as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind the teen's ear. "I can see how special you are. Join me and I can complete your training. Only I can help you become who you were truly meant to be." He extended a wrinkled hand towards the teen expectantly.

"No." Ben said softly, his confident tone gone.

"No?"

"I-I don't believe you."

"So you want more proof?" The creature lifted his hand and Ben felt his throat slowly closing in on itself. "Six years you languished in that Temple. Not a single word from your mother or your father. You were alone. They could've visited you. Both of them. Your mother: a queen and a senator, travelling frequently between your home world and the dredges of the Republic. If she truly loved you, cared for you, she would've made some small attempt to see you. But she did nothing." The grip on Ben's throat became tighter. "Your father. A low thief and smuggler. He had enough time to travel from one end of the galaxy to the other and yet he couldn't even spare a moment for you. They don't care for you. You were a mistake."

"No." Ben thought, tears flowing from his eyes while his blood boiled with anger. He didn't want to believe this creature but he spoke truth; his parents never had tried to come visit him. Never.

"Yes. I can feel your anger. Embrace it, let it fuel your power. Show me. Show me your power!"

"NO!" Ben screamed, the grip on his throat disappearing as his power blew the creature away. The teen woke with a gasp, several items that had been floating around him crashing to the floor. He felt around his throat as he took ragged breaths but thankfully, he felt no pressure of any sort, natural or Force related. He then began to cry, hugging his knees to his chest, the fear from the nightmare still clawing at him.

This nightmare had been the worst one yet.

----

“Ben, are you okay? You’re really quiet.” Ben snapped out of his trance when his father asked the question. Han had popped up shortly before dinner had started but Ben had barely said anything to him and had barely touched his food while his parents had small talk about Han’s most recent escapade to another system. The words of the creature about his parents were still fresh in his mind and the more he had thought about them, the more he realized how true they were.

“Why didn’t you guys ever come visit me?” It became deadly silent in an instant. “Did you even try?” Too angry at this point, Ben stood up and left the room before either of his parents could stop him, let alone formulate a response. The teen went straight to his room, slamming the door behind him and crashed on the bed. He wanted to scream, smash something against the wall, lash out with his lightsaber, do something to deal with this anger.

“Yes, Ben. Feel your anger.”

“Go away.” He mumbled, tears threatening to spill once more. “GO AWAY!”

“Ben!” He heard his father call in the distance but none of it registered until he felt a hand on his shoulder. The touch made Ben flinch.

“Ben, what’s wrong?”

“They don’t care.”

“Shut up.” Ben whispered, tears now flowing free from his eyes.

“Ben, what is going on?” Leia asked, having seated herself next to Han, carrying the same concerned expression.

“I… don’t know.” Ben forced out, the words soft and rough. “I don’t know.”

“If this is about us not visiting,” Han began, his voice vacant of his usual snark, “we wanted to. We really did but we were told not to do it. I still tried but they stopped me from landing.”

“What?” When both adults nodded, Ben sobbed. Whether it was from relief or anger or both, he didn’t know. He was quickly enveloped in his parent’s embrace, crying into Han’s shoulder.

“It’s okay.” Leia cooed, gently rubbing his back and placing a kiss on her son’s temple, her heart breaking to see him in such distress. “It’s okay.” For an unknown period of time, the three of them just sat there, holding each other tightly with the youngest hoping that his parents would never let go or leave him.

“Ben?”

“Hm?”

“I have a proposal for you.” The embrace was broken so Ben could face his mother.

“What is it?”

“I have to go back to Hosian Prime soon. Why don’t you come with me?”

“But my training…” Ben wanted to go, more than anything, but his rational side knew he couldn’t just abandon his training just like that.

“We’ll take care of it.” Han assured.

That was more than enough for Ben to eagerly agree to Leia’s offer.

[writingsofawanderingwonderer]

Right. So this is a response to @norbezdraws video, "Should We Fix Our Mad Geniuses?" 

Norbez, you asked me for my thoughts on Twitter, so I'm gonna go post a novel of an explanation here, so get comfy in a nice reading chair. :)

If there's anyone else reading this, go listen to the video first, it's really interesting and it poses a rather fascinating question.

Also, sorry for the long wait for my response. ^^;

Also note: Everything I write here is about and from a storytelling and media perspective. Not real life.

I’m gonna use bullet points for my thoughts.

- On a moral level, the character should want to change. This is why Rick's capture in Rick and Morty and the protagonist in A Clockwork Orange (I haven't seen this film) are considered tragic. Because even though their capture will save people from getting hurt, they don't want to be captured or changed.

- I feel like drugs and other forms of addiction should be separated from mental illness, and that abuse should also be separated in the character examples list of flaws, because audience members' views on those different subjects could be contradictory.

For example:

Drugs/addiction is self-harming (a character flaw), so viewers may likely say, "Yes, the character should be fixed and have this removed."

Abuse (emotional/physical--and quite honestly, I think these two type should also be sub-separated; they're so different) harms other people who are around that character. This can make characters who have this type of flaw more villainous (Gothel from Disney's Tangled has been cited as an emotional abuser to her daughter) because if they don't want to change, then we as the audience see that as bad and/or irredeemable because they’re hurting people they care about and/or are close to.

Mental illness affects the character's mind. The mind is linked with personality. Therefore, if you "fix" the character by removing their mental illness, do you make the character no longer "them"? Who do they become?

Additionally, many works (such as Hellblade--which I haven’t played) frame the main character’s mental illness as not something to be cured. Rather, the story frames it as a part of the character. The challenges in the story come more from the outside world not understanding the main character’s different perception of the world.

Particularly with mental illness, opinions will vary depending on the viewer (as well as the individual character), as to whether the character should be "fixed."

Also, some examples, like Sherlock, make the addiction a flaw rather than a trait that is required for them to still be themselves/a genius. Sherlock would still be a genius without drugs. The drugs are his flaw[1], not his strength (intelligence). Take away Sherlock’s addiction and he’s still Sherlock. He’s still a detective.

*Footnote: In the BBC series and in original novels' canon, Sherlock supposedly only uses drugs when he has no case to solve. So drugs actually equals "Sherlock is not acting like a genius." BBC Sherlock actually wrecked this idea with the plot holes in season 4, but I'm going off tangent at this point (and at this point, a lot of BBC Sherlock fans--myself included--are currently not considering season 4 to even be series canon, given the amount of plot holes, out-of-character moments, and retcon-ing it contained. Seriously, what was up with that last episode?! THAT GUN DIDN’T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A TRANQUILLISER! ARE YOU KIDDING M--).

- When I read the title of the video, I at first thought you meant "eccentricity": Characters who act outside social norms and don't follow the status quo/expectations (in an unharmful manner). Quirky characters. Characters who walk to the beat of a different drum. I understand that's not what you meant, but I might as well say my opinion on eccentric characters: It takes all sorts to make a world. They do not need to be "fixed."

- I also think misanthropic characters don't need to be fixed. I have to be clear on this, because SO many writers get misanthropia wrong: It's disliking humanity. Not wanting harm towards humanity. They just don’t want to want to deal with humanity. It's like being a hardcore grump/hermit rather than a jerk/murderer/rude person. A misanthropic person can have strong bonds with other humans, they just don't like dealing with strangers (often because they have been "burnt" before in past experiences) and can be very caring, selfless individuals with healthy relationships. Misanthropes are often the way they are because they care a lot, rather than a little (the latter being the stereotype I see a lot in fiction). Often, you can’t even tell if someone’s a misanthrope just by looking for them. A misanthrope looks at a smoker and thinks, "Why do THEY get dibs on the clean air?", etc. There is a difference between a grump and a jerk.

- I think series like Rick and Morty and BBC Sherlock have mad geniuses that treat their partner badly/questionably, yet we still like them as characters is less because of their “gifts,” and more because we see that when push comes to shove, Rick/Sherlock will act selflessly to protect Morty/John.

That’s how I interpret it anyway.

Rick is showing signs of being more caring (and hopefully less abusive) towards Morty. As Mycroft predicted, Sherlock is showing his heart more by being with John.

Their characters arcs are actually “fixing” them.

Another example of this type of relationship (or a similar type of relationship) is Eddy and her daughter Saffy’s relationship in Absolutely Fabulous. There’s an episode where Eddy protects her daughter from a guy who keeps bothering her (Saffy). Even though Eddy and Saffy constantly insult each other, at the end of the day, Eddy cares about her daughter. We don’t necessarily see their relationship as good, but we understand why they stay together.

And Eddy doesn’t even have “mad genius” nor traditionally heroic qualities. She’s the epitome of a “UK Comedy Series’ Unsympathetic Protagonist.”

Okay, now some character examples:

I'll start off with examples of abuse/addiction that are either BAD, start off as bad/questionable, or in a grey area:

These examples don't inherently make the works bad. I like all of the works listed below. These are just examples of problematic portrayals that we should pause for thought and reflect on.

- Bullet in the Face (a Canadian-American series about a criminal mastermind helping cops track down a bigger criminal mastermind) has Gunter attacking other characters to help solve cases. Gunter is portrayed as a villain protagonist, and most if not all of the characters he attacks are villains as well, making the protagonist ironically less problematic than if the writers portrayed him as a heroic character. The series basically says, “He’s a villain. So he does villainous things.”

- Dirk Gently: (We're talking BBC-2010-TV-series!Dirk, not the original books/other adaptations, nor the 2016 series.) Dirk is a detective who can solve mysteries others can't because of his odd philosophies. He has a partner, named Richard, who he hypnotises into giving him money, uses as a guinea pig (he injects him with a computer chip without warning him), and steals money from him. Yet Richard still stays with him (which is considered to be one of the biggest plot holes the adaptation has).

- Rick and Morty: Rick still continues to be abusive towards Morty, his own grandson. Rick's selfless act at the end of season 2 hints that Rick may slowly be trying to change his ways. Unity's note to Rick when it dumps him also implies that the writers are self-aware that Rick's abusive traits are a flaw, not a "kooky trait," so Rick could be interpreted as a "good" example too, because the series shows the negative effects of his behaviour.

- BBC Sherlock: As I said above.

Okay, now some examples (you asked for) of GOOD examples of abuse/addiction being portrayed in a non-romantic/kooky/positive/problematic light: 

 - Captain Haddock: In The Adventures of Tintin: The Crab with the Golden Claws album, Tintin meets an alcoholic who is the captain of a ship. Together, they escape the ship's crew and solve a mystery together. Haddock wouldn't really be considered an archetypal "mad genius," but by being with Tintin, his alcoholism decreases (though never actually disappears completely--writer Hergé liked to portray things realistically). His alcoholism decreases because of Tintin's support and friendship, which is really heartwarming to me.

- Dirk Gently: Here, we're talking book!Dirk. Irony, eh? In the original novels, Dirk is still abusive to his crime-solving partners (he, again, hypnotises Richard into jumping into the River Thames--which is not a nice place to go swimming, unless you like plastic bags and abandoned shopping trolleys). What makes the books different than the BBC series however, are the endings: Every partner Dirk gets, in each book, dumps him by the end of each adventure/novel they have with him because of his abusive tendencies. They don't want to be with him. That paints Dirk’s abuse as a more negative thing, instead of a “quirky” thing.

- Croak: The main character or this novel, Lex, is introduced as a teenage girl who recently developed anger management issues. She lashes out at people, especially at her school. It’s portrayed in an untraditionally human way: She describes it as feelings she knows are harmful, and she doesn’t enjoy these feelings of charged anger. She struggles to stop herself from lashing out. She also takes great care in making sure she doesn’t hurt her sister. (I haven’t finished the first book yet, so I don’t know how her character arc ends.)

- The Jennifer Ann Group’s yearly game jam focuses on creating games that educate people on teen dating abuse. The game Grace’s Diary is a notable example.

I hope this answered your questions on what my thoughts were on this subject.

[patheticphallacy]

I want to disclose before I even start this post that the day I started writing this, BookTube came out with a whole load of videos inspired by Jin’s birthday that follows the exact same concept. I promise I’m not trying to plagiarise any of their ideas behind the videos, I’ve been planning this series of posts for months! This is a link to a whole playlist of those videos that meltotheany created, I highly recommend watching. 

If you haven’t been around the past year, I have fallen very deep into the BTS rabbit hole. I was always aware of BTS, because I’ve listened to K-Pop for a few years alongside my other music interests, but it was only once I got into BTS in April this year that I fully dedicated invested myself to actually listening to their music as a whole.

With music obsessions comes associating random things with the people in the group, and, as a result, I came up with a whole load of books that remind me of the members of BTS, as well as individual songs/albums/concepts/etc., so I’m… starting another blog series!

Starting off: BOOKS TO READ BASED ON YOUR BIAS. I love all of them, but I always think of my favourite as the one who, if they are in teams, I always hope they will be the one to win the challenge. I’ve done this for pretty much everything I enjoy.

For me, the person I always want to win is Jin, so I’m going to go eldest to youngest, recommending books that remind me of them.

KIM SEOKJIN

Sadie by Courtney Summers: While Jin is very down to Earth and willing to dick around with the younger members of the group, he is very protective and has his serious moments. Sadie is a dual narrative following teenager Sadie as she hunts for the man that she believes murdered her younger sister. It’s a very difficult read– content warnings for pedophilia, sexual abuse, and violence– but I feel like it hits hard when you’re the eldest sibling, which Jin technically is. 

The Adventure Zone: Here There Be Gerblins by the McElroy’s and Carey Pietsch: Okay, so this is a very different approach to Jin, but Taako… really reminds me of him? I can’t shake the vibes. My original notes for this post literally just say ‘look: jin and taako have the same energy’, I am adamant. 

The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin: Another sad pick unfortunately! The Immortalists follows four siblings who all learn the dates they’re going to die, and the book follows them in order. It’s kind of a tragic read, but the exploration of mortality and fate is great. The familial relationships are complicated and layered, with people drifting apart, and as an older sister, it’s quite terrifying to look into the future and realise I’ve got my whole life ahead of me with these people I’ve grown up with. And that, again, reminds me of Jin.

Scott Pilgrim VS The World Series by Bryan Lee O’Malley: Finish off on a happy one! Jin likes video games, and Scott Pilgrim reads a lot like a video game, if that’s possible. It’s about a guy in his twenties who is kind of a loser and has to beat his new girlfriend’s evil exes. Quite a popular read, and the movie is solid, but the graphic novels are just better. They have more Wallace Wells, and Wallace is a character I could see Jin appreciating.

MIN YOONGI

Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink: If it’s possible for a book about a woman searching for her dead wife and accidentally uncovering a world of horror to be quiet, Alice Isn’t Dead accomplishes that. Keisha Taylor, our main character, openly struggles with her anxiety throughout, and Yoongi is very open about mental health and struggling to carry on. The book is about finding your strength and refusing to accept apologies until you’re ready to accept them, and I think Yoongi would like the messages this book sends.

I Want to Eat Your Pancreas by Yoru Sumino: Another one I struggle to explain. A teenage boy finds the diary of his classmate, who is suffering from a pancreatic disease and isn’t certain she’ll live through it. A boundary-crossing friendship blooms between the two, and there are so many unexpected moments. It’s a real tearjerker, I’ll tell you that. Something about how real the narrative is makes me think of Yoongi.

Radio Silence/I Was Born For This by Alice Oseman: Yoongi is, again, very open about struggling with his mental health, and mental health is quite a big theme in both of these books. Radio Silence is focused on the pursuit of what makes you happy in a world telling you to focus on academics instead of being creative, a very Yoongi theme; and I Was Born For This has a POV of a frontman of a boy band who struggles with anxiety and is disillusioned with fame.

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo: Just now realising all of my choices for Yoongi are super serious, which is going to be the direct opposite of the next member. The Poet X is written in verse– a great introduction to the form– and follows a young girl who struggles and attempts to understand her mother’s religion through the poetry she writes. Xiomara’s passion for the form is so beautiful and she flourishes in writing, truly feeling herself when she’s performing, and I think that’s something I see in Yoongi, too.

JUNG HOSEOK

The Monster of Elendhaven by Jennifer Giesbrecht: This is a very strange choice, but let me explain. Personality wise, Hoseok is a Gemini: very happy and hopeful, but his mood switches can be scary as heck. The Monster of Elendhaven made me laugh out loud, but it’s really dark– the narrator is a serial killer in a miserable fantasy world, and the main relationship is toxic but entirely consensual. It’s bizarre, and the contradictions remind me of Hoseok. Also, if you search up Hoseok’s Cypher 4 Live outfit where he looks like a Victorian aristocrat about to do nefarious science, he’s exactly how I picture Herr Leikenbloom.

Lumberjanes written by various: Lumberjanes is a series I’ve read for literal years, and it’s the right balance of lighthearted and heartfelt that it reminds me of Hoseok. Ripley, one of the main girls, is so energetic and passionate that I can’t help but think of Hoseok! Lumberjanes is set at a camp where our characters go on fantastical adventures and have to save the day, even if nobody else knows the day is being saved.

Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne: Don’t @ me, Winnie the Pooh is everything to me and I won’t be shamed for my passion. So many of the stories turn into ones of hope and friendship, literally the core of Pooh’s character, and Hoseok is like that for me. Him and Jimin, honestly, but Jimin isn’t until later! No getting ahead of myself!

Bravest Warriors by various: You can tell I love my comedies, can’t you? Bravest Warriors constantly edges on ridiculous, reminiscent of Adventure Time, and I love it for how scatter brained and funny it is. It’s just fun, plain and simple, and I think that’s good for us sometimes. Remembering to enjoy yourself, even when the going gets tough, which Hoseok shows.

KIM NAMJOON

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan: Namjoon, as the leader, has to be very in control and can sometimes seem like he’s drawing himself out of the fun in interviews to focus, but is very driven to change things for the better. In Other Lands focuses on Elliott, a boy who finds himself at a magical school and, against the expectations of magical society, begins to change it from the inside out using pacifism, quick wit and a reluctance to do anything energetic, but finds himself ostracised for it. I think Elliott staying true to his own nature and finding happiness even when it’s difficult is admirable, and also very much a Namjoon thing to do.

Aquicorn Cove by Katie O’Neill: After losing her mother, Lana moves to an island and begins to uncover a hidden magical world that’s at risk because of over-fishing. It’s a soft take on a wider issue, but Katie O’Neill is very good at handling themes like this and making them explicit without losing direction. I think Namjoon would really enjoy O’Neill’s work, but this especially is a very current issue.

No One Is Too Small to Make a Difference by Greta Thunberg: Speak yourself! Express your passions! Greta Thunberg is the embodiment of ‘speaking yourself’ and changing the world for the better, no matter who tries to knock you down.

Taproot by Keezy Young: I don’t know what it is about this that reminds me of Namjoon. In Taproot, Blue is a ghost, and haunting Hamal, his best friend whom he is in love with. There’s a focus on natural colours because Hamal works as a gardener, but it can be quite dark at times, looking at loss and fear of moving on. It just yells ‘Namjoon’ to me. I’ve definitely focused on more environment-focused writing for him.

PARK JIMIN

Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson: I like to describe Jimin as being sweet, but the most likely to commit a crime and get away with it, especially amongst the other members of BTS. So many of Stevie’s actions in this book as she investigates an unsolved crime remind me of Jimin, just because only he could get away with it. He’s been voted as one of the top idols like, 50 times, he’s very intimidating. If I caught him sneaking through my belongings, I’d be too scared to say anything.

Check, Please! by Ngozi Ukazu: Yes, Jimin is intimidating, but I also said he’s sweet, and Eric Bittle is the exact same. Bitty becomes a hockey player after years of competing as a professional figure skater, and finds himself making a home amongst men a lot bigger and a lot physically tougher than him. He overcomes a lot of hardships and works hard, and that’s something you see in Jimin’s dancing and own behaviours in being a part of BTS.

Neverworld Wake by Marisha Pessl: God, this is the exact same reasoning as Truly Devious, I’m sorry. I just really do think Jimin could be sneaky and get away with what these characters do! Neverworld Wake follows a young woman who reunites with her highschool friends and finds herself in a Groundhog Day scenario, repeating the same day over and over again as they attempt to uncover who murdered her boyfriend the year before. It’s very dark and atmospheric, I adore it.

Lovely Complex by Aya Nakahara: I’ll be honest, I’m mostly saying this series because Jimin is short. Lovely Complex follows Risa, an incredibly tall girl, and Atsushi, a boy well below expected height, who become reluctant friends in their pursuit to find romance. It’s very light and cute, probably one of the easiest manga series I’ve ever read.

KIM TAEHYUNG

Animals by Emma Jane Unsworth: This is almost a joint pick with Jimin. Animals follows a young woman in her twenties who parties more than she probably should with her American roommate. Her life slowly begins to unravel as she notices more faults in her relationships, and begins to question if this is what she actually wants from life. There’s something about people in their mid-to-late-twenties partying and making terrible decisions as they have a crisis that reminds me of Taehyung, just because him and the rest of the group have been so open with how much he’s changed and attempted to make himself into a more in-control person.

Snotgirl by Bryan Lee O’Malley: Look. Taehyung is very bougie, and Snotgirl follows socialite and fashion blogger Lottie as she tries to combat her chronic allergies and not get sent to prison for murder. It’s a very exciting series, the characters are self-centred and awful, and I think Taehyung would love it. They are all rich and dress impeccably.

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio: Taehyung is an actor, we all know this, and If We Were Villains follows several actors at a prestigious (and fictional) conservatory specialising in Shakespearean acting who end up embroiled in a murder plot. It’s dark academia a la The Secret History, but its focus on Shakespeare means it’s much suited to Taehyung. Dark, dangerous and dramatic.

I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson: I couldn’t not have a book on art in here when I’m talking about Taehyung, and it was only going through shelves upon shelves that made me realise I have read so few books on art. I’ll Give You the Sun is a dual narrative novel, following artist twins Jude (in the present) and Noah (3 years in the past) as they tackle romance, art and loss. There are so many twists and turns, and the writing is beautiful.

JEON JUNGKOOK

A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay: Ah, the book that started it all. This is the one I’m most confident in. We follow eight year old Merry, who finds herself and her family exploited in a reality TV show based on the assumed demonic possession of her older sister, Marjorie. It’s a very difficult read. Even though it’s not clear cut, Merry clearly loves her older sister and wants her to be okay, and that’s something that reminds me of Jungkook. He’s said more than once that watching the older members of the band struggle has impacted him most throughout their career, and that’s really embedded in the narrative of this novel.

The Avant-Guards by Carly Usdin: I had to pick at least one athletic narrative for Jungkook, okay. In this series we follow former sports star Charlie, who ends up being recruited by the basketball team at her new College, and begins to carve a place for herself where she belongs. It’s an easy story and all of the characters are likeable, balancing out the competitive nature of the characters. Jungkook is someone who works out a lot but also comes across as very happy, and that’s what these characters are like!

The Magnus Chase Trilogy by Rick Riordan: One of the things I love about Jungkook is how much he cares about the other members of BTS, and Magnus Chase is exactly the same. He almost becomes a background character in the later books in order to help his friends succeed, and it’s that trait that saves their lives in the end. This is actually my favourite Rick Riordan series, so do with that what you will!

Heavy Vinyl by Carly Usdin: I literally only just realised I’ve recommended two Carly Usdin comic series’s for Jungkook, so that must mean she just writes very Jungkook-esque comics. Heavy Vinyl is set in the late 90’s and follows Chris, who has just got a job working at her favourite record store. Only there’s a bit more to the store than first meets the eye, and she’s about to be embroiled in something far larger than she ever expected. I think the active qualities of Carly Usdin’s characters remind me of Jungkook, very willing to involve themselves and do what’s right.

And those are all my recommendations!

I would love to know if you agree with any of my choices, and if you have any you’d suggest. It was so fun working on this post and I cannot wait to work on future posts in the series.

If you liked this post, consider buying me a coffee? Ko-Fi. 

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BTS and Books #1: Books to Read Based on Your Bias I want to disclose before I even start this post that the day I started writing this, BookTube came out with a whole load of videos inspired by Jin's birthday that follows the exact same concept.

[saifsamejo]

Why Believe Women?

Why Believe Women?

By Saif Samejo

Throughout the period of her advocacy for sexual assault survivors, Tarana Burke being the founder of #Metoo movement has repeatedly mentioned how any particular case being taken forward doesn’t bring her personal joy. She reminds us again & again how this is not what the movement is about. It is about the healing of the survivors. She is not delusional with the idea that sexual harassment will disappear from the world in the next decade, but she believes a shift in narratives – how we talk about it, is possible till the next decade.

Globally, with the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard domestic violence case, the discussion of believing women or not is resurfacing. “Believe women” is a political slogan arising out of the MeToo Movement which refers to the perceived necessity of accepting women’s allegations of sexual harassment or sexual assault at face value. Sady Doyle, writing for Elle, argues that the phrase means, “Don’t assume women as a gender are especially deceptive or vindictive, and recognize that false allegations are less common than real ones.”

The movement speaks for all survivors regardless of their gender.

Now let’s go back up and bring the “Believe Women” slogan in current context of Pakistani society. When the conversation of MeToo movement started in our country: We failed the victims with a) our silence, b) the defamation case easily working in the favor of the alleged accused harassers who were already powerful, c) the toxic cyber bullying and reporting turning such a grave issue into a mere professional fight between two celebrities, and d) either ignoring or personally targeting all young survivors of harassment by the same alleged accused harassers to such an extent that it forced victims to take their tweets down to protect their lives.

This took a more twisted turn when an uncontested Music Icon of the Generation award was given to the same alleged accused harasser whose case is still going on in the Lahore High Court while his survivor is asked to zip up. We as a society, have not only accepted but also encouraged this predatory behavior to continue.

Many alleged harassers & rapists in the industry are still continuing the work without being questioned in the same way we effortlessly question the victims. Even though in this particular on-going case, people who read and published the story to give one victim a louder voice didn’t accuse anyone, a director still filed a defamation case against his fellow film director for merely reading an anonymous letter at Lahooti Melo 2019, which didn’t even mention any names. While the audience wonders who will win this case, I wonder, does it even matter? What if the director who filed the case wins it and proves that it really is about him? But what then? Whose victory is that and what importance does it hold?

A huge part of initiating proper dialogue on sexual harassment specifically in the industry is the responsibility of our celebrities. However, making the allies of alleged accused sexual predators accountable for their actions by demanding not to see them working with the alleged person is still the work of the whole society until the accused comes clean.

There are so many people still silent on the matter showing no morals or conscience & so many who continue to work with these accused harassers in their films, music videos, and documentaries. Most just get away with misogynistic remarks insulting victims of sexual misconduct.

Does this mean, we have accepted harassment and rape as a common practice in the industry? If not, then have we even appropriately schooled our senior and respected media professionals on their irresponsible opinions on the Me Too movement? No one should be allowed to hide where they stand on such an important subject & the burden of proof must be shifted from the victims to the accused harassers.

As far as coming clean is concerned, it could be done by alleged accused harassers in a lot of ways other than using lengthy procedures of court to buy time, hiring PR agencies to do their work because in most cases the victims are already too powerless to answer them this way, or pretending to have stepped down from they position in their own organization while they are secretly still benefiting from it.

An example of a step from one of the other ways of coming clean I mean above: Varun Grover’s Open Letter To Find Closure

“And would I still say, “Believe All Women”?

Yes.

But please bring in the checks to differentiate it from “Believe All Screenshots”. – Varun Grover

We need to recognize that is a social fight. These women are already an easy target for us to blame and rid ourselves of the responsibility to do something for them.

‘“Believe women” does not actually come into conflict with fact-checking sources; there’s a difference between engaging with sexual assault claims in good faith and having the legal grounding to print those claims, and even passionately feminist reporters understand that journalism has to adhere to the second standard.” –Sady Doyle

In Pakistan, we are far from listening to the survivors, let alone believing them. We don’t even have social consciousness of the fact that women are subjected to harassment and abuse the most in our country. In fact, we are in denial. We deny it when it is protested in Auratmarch and close our eyes when it happens in our own homes too. Every day we read news of domestic violence, hear stories of workplace harassment; know how common marital rape is and how most of the victims are women. Yet, instead of listening, the first things we do are arguing and questioning the credibility, identity and character of survivors.

When we don’t know who the survivor or the abuser is, instead of focusing on the message of the survivor, we just curiously gossip about the identity of the survivor. The next time you read an anonymous account of rape or harassment and want to know the identity of the victim instead of the alleged accused harasser, ask the women in your home. Ask them and see if you have personally built a space safe enough for them to talk about their sexual harassment experiences and then think about the kind of society we have created with our own hands for our girls.

In such circumstances how can we expect women being abused by their own teachers/religious scholars, whom we hand over such a big responsibility, will come forward with their stories others don’t have to go through the hell they went through? What about the underage girls being forcefully converted and married off and what about women repeatedly getting raped by their own uncles, husbands, sons, brothers, and fathers whom they are supposed to trust with all their heart? Can you imagine a mother sharing her experience of harassment, abuse or rape with her son? What about young boys and trans-people?

It’s been months raising awareness against sexual predators and beyond individuals addressing a bigger canvas of such behavior, listening, sharing stories of victims and survivors, feeling their courage and witnessing their process of healing which isn’t very easy. It all haunts my friends and me.

In the process I personally spoke to some people who were actually justifying alleged accused predators some or other way. They could be their allies, beneficiaries, or they are themselves terrified of something; but one shift is very interesting and important I feel to share with you here.

An alleged accused predator exploits women/girls, assaults or harasses them and when your hands reach to his neck he hides behind women/girls too, like he will say he has a daughter and wife so it’s impossible for him to do that. He can also say you have to think about his daughter or wife, how society will think about them if he is exposed like this?

Some will say that they’ve known him for decades; he can be a jerk, harami, and exploiter but can’t be a rapist since he has children.

They will question why girls went to him, claim that maybe girls wanted some work in film or video and they weren’t given so they are accusing him or they can say may be they themselves offered him to get some work and he didn’t miss opportunity but this doesn’t make him a bad man.

Most of them consider rape and assault a norm, saying, “aisa tou hota hai.”

They will continuously throw around quotes like “Innocent until proven guilty”.

They threaten you by saying, “A story written by girls can be written against you but does it mean you are predator too?”

They will say, “Let the girls come to court and prove.”

You will be given such choices and that’s where you have to be wise enough to seek answer because you too have a daughter, sister or friend you care about and you have a responsibility to build a safe, inclusive, and just society for them.

I am learning that the battle isn’t simple because such men have so much to hide behind, they will hide behind films, songs, contacts and connections, departments, women, religion and there’s a huge ideological world in our mind behind which they hide. The trick has worked for them in the past making it reasonable for them to think it will continue to work for them now.

At some stage all they need is your sympathy and that’s where you have identify them and their allies.

Knowingly or unknowingly, the people who should be the role models for young girls have enabled and encouraged the harassers by staying silent on the matter or by using seemingly unaware, illogical, and apathetic statements.

It is about time to have some shame and try to find out how we can help encourage women to come forward with their stories so we can do something before they are killed or take their own lives.

What fear holds us back from creating a safe environment where the survivors can come forward?

The fear that women will lie and that will destroy men’s reputations, careers, and status.

This fear is being prioritized over, actual damage to women’s reputations, security, careers, status, health, bodies, and lives. Does it sound fair?

The account of sexual harassment read in Lahooti Melo has become a new ray of hope for survivors to heal and even come forward so they can protect others.

Sexual predators live, breathe, and work like leeches in every industry. But I believe we are taking steps towards a reckoning. A new industry is taking birth and it has to, a clean industry where young and true talent will rise and the wave will wash away all parasites, sexual predators, and their supporters. Time is here. It’s taking roots and this plant will become a tree soon.

It’s a long way and it’s getting green and colorful and the cloud of darkness has to fade.

No more abuse of power positions to use young helpless girls and boys can be allowed. We have to prioritize the lives, healing, wellbeing, and security of these young survivors over the careers of alleged accused predators.

Once we succeed in doing this, only then we can gain the capacity to concern ourselves with the right medical or legal treatment for habitual predators.

This is our moment to stand on the right side of history. We owe this respect to our women and all survivors os sexual harassment who watch their abusers go back to their normal lives when the hype wears off in the media, while they themselves can never go back to their old lives. Let’s believe women & girls, especially those who gather the courage to speak up and trust us alone in the world so we can work towards healing. #iBelieveHer

Saif Samejo’s contemporary folk band The Sketches has withdrawn all four of their nominations from LSA 2019 in support of survivors of sexual harassment. Read their full statement.

[wordsandspirit-blog]

Saving Bobby

Renee Hodges, Saving Bobby: Heroes and Heroin in One Small Community (She Writes Press, 2018).

by Agnieszka McCort

On average, 115 Americans die every day from an opioid overdose.[1] That is one American every 12.5 minutes, a staggering statistic. As a public health professional with over a decade experience in injury and violence prevention, which includes poisonings such as drug overdoses, reading Saving Bobby: Heroes and Heroin in One Small Community provided me a rare perspective. I am familiar with the mind-boggling statistics in the scientific literature such as: 1) Clinicians wrote nearly a quarter of a billion opioid prescriptions in 2013, which is enough for every American adult to have their own bottle of pills[2]; 2) in 2014, nearly two million Americans either abused or were dependent on prescription opioids[3]; and 3) in 2016, drug overdoses became the leading cause of death among Americans under 50 years old.[4].

Saving Bobby, put a human face on an epidemic that is currently impacting millions of people in the United States, from those who are living with opioid addiction to the loved ones, community members, and care takers of those individuals. Renée Hodges describes her experiences of preparing for, welcoming, and caring for her nephew, Bobby, during a difficult and profound time in his life involving addiction. Bobby started taking prescription opioids under the care of his doctor in college for debilitating back pain. By the time Bobby graduated from college in 2009, he was addicted to prescription opioids.

Opioids are prescription medications used to treat pain. The most commonly prescribed opioids include codeine, hydrocodone, and oxycodone; however, heroin is the same substance. Scientists are researching the pathways of addiction including one which illustrates a person starting to take prescription opioids to treat pain as instructed by their doctor or dentist, inadvertently becoming addicted to these medications, and switching to using heroin after their formal medical care ends because that person has become addicted and heroin is cheaper and readily available in most American cities.

Hodges describes receiving her despondent nephew, Bobby, at her home in Durham, North Carolina in the Spring of 2013 so that he could seek further treatment at Duke University after he had spent time in various rehabilitation centers throughout the country since his college graduation. She structures the book chronologically, starting with the preparations for Bobby’s arrival. As his aunt, she is in regular communication with Bobby’s parents who live in Louisiana and clearly describes her evolving revelations of the commitment she is making for his care. Simultaneously, while preparing for Bobby’s arrival, she learns of the death of one of her dearest friend’s sons due to overdose, which immediately crystalizes the life-or-death circumstances surrounding the care of her beloved nephew.

Hodges documents the sixteen-month experience of caring for Bobby, by including emails, texts, and journal entries, which describe the heartbreaking reality of how insidious escapism and stigma of addiction live on the pages and in the airwaves of mainstream media. Becky Georgi, a licensed clinical addictions specialist, also captures some of these phenomena in the Additional Notes section of the book:

Addiction occupies space in the public mind as a failure of character rather than a medical affliction, a lack of willpower rather than a legitimate disease, a choice that’s made rather than an illness that strikes. On an individual level, shame drives addictive illness and interferes with a family’s ability to get help. On a much broader scale, the shame associated with heroin use carries such a powerful stigma that the culture itself interferes with family members supporting their loved one.

When family members see their loved one suffering, what can they do to stop the downward spiral of this insidious illness? The family must reach out beyond the shame, talk to each other, and get help.

That is exactly what Hodges did. Hodges was forthright about the circumstances around Bobby moving in and living with her family to her community of friends. She did not hide in the shadows of shame surrounding her nephew’s addiction. Instead, she reached out to provide Bobby with opportunities to learn, engage in and contribute to his new community, and recover his health. Hodges describes her heartfelt struggles in caring for Bobby, and requests help not only for Bobby, but also herself as his primary caretaker, providing a perspective that is not often discussed. For this reason alone, Saving Bobby, is worth reading. Hodges includes personal reflections and communications with her therapist, family members, and friends seeking guidance and support regarding the decisions she makes related to Bobby’s care. Each decision is considered independently and as part of a bigger picture, which requires a steadfast commitment to the dynamic nature of addiction treatment and recovery. Her community abides and Hodges’ determination to provide comprehensive and holistic care for her nephew is notable. She seeks out and secures substance use disorder treatment, and therapies that address Bobby’s physical, mental, social, and spiritual health. Hodges’ commitment to Bobby, her other family members, and her community of friends is palpable.

Candidly, Hodges admits some of the mistakes she made in Bobby’s care and shares glimpses of the impact the experience of loving and caring for someone who lives with addiction had on her family. She shares some of her own family’s history with addiction and notes the changing cultural dynamics of addiction in the United States, including the incongruous past social acceptability of addictions to substances such as alcohol, in contrast with the current lack of social acceptability of other substances, such as heroin. Though she focuses a lot of her energy on addressing the shame and stigma associated with addiction in her family, she does not examine the language that she uses to describe people living with addition. In the beginning of the book, Hodges uses charged words to describe people living with addiction like junkie and addict and people who are in recovery as “clean.” These words are limiting, hold judgment, and perpetuate the misconception that addiction is a choice or a moral failing and not a chronic brain disease, which should be treated like other mental health conditions. Understanding that addiction impairs an individual’s decision-making ability by changing the actual structure and function of the brain needs more so than ever, to be translated into the language we use to describe it. Individuals are a sum of many parts, of which for some people, addiction is only one. The words we use around addiction can either support a path to recovery or dissuade it. Regardless of the language that Hodges used to describe people living with addiction, her compassionate care of Bobby and personal exploration and edification of this issue were pivotal to Bobby’s recovery.

Lastly, of note, Bobby’s experience of addiction treatment was well resourced with his immediate and extended family. This should not and does not take away from the bravery and compassion that is described in Saving Bobby; however, not everyone is so lucky. Both abstinence-based and medically assisted treatment options are expensive and access is limited. Though there is much work happening to address these concerns, the trends in the data do not yet demonstrate that the epidemic is abating. Many people around the country are working hard to understand and provide evidence to prevent opioid overdoses and enhance treatment options. In my opinion, Bobby is the hero of this and his story and Renée Hodges is the warrior that lifted him up and protected him with the ferocity of a loving mother and friend. May all individuals living with addiction be so lucky.

 1.       Wide-ranging online data for epidemiologic research (WONDER). Atlanta, GA: CDC, National Center for Health Statistics; 2017. Available at http://wonder.cdc.gov.

2.       IMS Health, National Prescription Audit (NPATM). Cited in internal document: Preliminary Update on Opioid Pain Reliever (OPR) Prescription Rates Nationally and by State: 2010-2013.

3.       Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Vital Signs: Variation Among States in Prescribing of Opioid Pain Relievers and Benzodiazepines — United States, 2012. MMWR 2014; 63(26);563-568.

4.       Wide-ranging online data for epidemiologic research (WONDER). Atlanta, GA: CDC, National Center for Health Statistics; 2017. Available at http://wonder.cdc.gov