#buddy my bipolar is being really awful and I really needed to talk about it but thanks for telling to to change all my contact info

[sleepdeprivationandcoffee]

It isn’t her fault, but I swear to God today was the worst day of therapy I’ve had since I started therapy ever

It’s not even her fault, she was doing what she was supposed to. I was dead ass just trying to talk about how I have been not doing great the past 2 to 3 weeks when she started providing resources that weren’t really currently relevant to what I was actually trying to talk about and she kept getting hung up on Old stuff** that had to be partially included for context so she would stop insisting that the issue must instead be X Y or Z.

Her inability to actually listen and absorb the info ended in me talking about traumatic ass shit right at the end and now I’m pissed off bc she wasn’t letting me talk about what was actually going on and that’s what I NEEDED to talk about. I didn’t need to talk about my ex’s, or how I’m dealing with trying to get child support, or how my mom let a pedo play cat and mouse with me for almost 7 fucking years. I literally have bigger things that are affecting me right now and I care about those more than this shit I’ve rehashed over and over again. I want to rehash it, but not right after you ask me how the past two weeks were and I’m actually trying to tell you about how hard they were

**I will give it to her that the old stuff was extremely traumatizing and definitely worth talking about but not at this moment like come on

[the-family-fortune]

Earlier today Cali asked me quite possibly the worst thing you CAN ask me

And boy howdy did I have some thoughts. 

idk if ive mentioned it here before or not but I have a lot of feelings about the idea of redemption in psy2. I LIKE the idea that no one is beyond redemption, that people can be good and that we are all, at our core, just hurting. and those are the themes that psychonauts plays with. mental illnesses that are seen as "scary" like the inmates (though the inmates themselves are rarely presented as scary, with maybe the exception of Edgar because he's just. huge.) - bipolar mood swings with inexplicable rage, Edgar's anger issues and sheer strength combined into an intimidating figure, and the stigma of multiple personalities like how Fred acts meek one second and then on the warpath the next when he "switches". All of these oooh scary mental illnesses are literally just people grappling with trauma. Edgar's OCD and the trauma from high school, Fred's... weird genetic memory issues, and Gloria's inner critic and the death of her mother. These things are like, Normal People Problems (sorry fred idk what the fuck is up with u buddy ur on another level all together) and really contextualize the inmates' mental illness in a way that emphasizes the main theme of empathy. 

I intentionally leave Boyd out of this because while the root of his mental illness is schizoaffective paranoia, his ROLE as the Milkman and in fact his entire mindscape is the product of Oleander's hypnosis.

So like, I VIBE WITH THAT, its a really really interesting take on the conversation about mental illness and how these things do not make people inherently bad or scary!!

But I feel like, BASED ON WHAT WE KNOW RIGHT NOW, that the Galochios - or, at the very least, Zalto on his own - fall into a different kind of category.

The Galochios from the start are jealous people. They're jealous of the Aquato's fame and think that they deserve more recognition which in and of itself isn't a bad thing per se - wanting to feel appreciated and recognized and seen is just a basic human desire, I think. But jealousy isnt a mental illness. Jealousy is a natural human emotion that we, as rational and empathetic people, must make the conscious choice to deal with in healthy ways. The Galochios don't, and they let that consume them from the start - where they allow themselves to hate the Aquatos for their fame, where they allow themselves to ostracize Marona, where they drive her out of the family and where they attempt to drag her back, it's not the product of mental illness destroying relationships like someone in Edgar's position might experience, but pure pride and jealousy directed towards the Aquato family.

And like from there its just all downhill

And I could argue that from this point things compound to create a mental landscape that maybe isnt the picture of health in the Galochios, because grief can really, really fuck you up, and regardless of how they acted, losing a daughter or a sister when Marona died, could not have been easy.

But I cannot read "the Galochios crowded around the tank to gleefully watch Lazarus's decapitation" and be like "aw they're just hurting 8(" because mental illness is not synonymous with undue cruelty.

Like the Galochios at every turn are presented with A Choice and by god they're determined to make the wrong one. Whether or not this is motivated by grief or jealousy or whatever doesnt matter, because even when you are mentally ill it is still the bare minimum to not gleefully watch someone you dont like get decapitated, u know?

That is, I think, them consumed by jealousy and hate and seeing nothing wrong with it because it benefits them and hurts people they dont like. Thats. that's not mental illness that's just being an asshole

So while I absoLUTEly vibe with Psychonaut's theme of empathy and compassion and understanding that mental illness isnt bad or scary, and that we're all struggling with something, I think that narrative has two sides to it, and the same way that "we're all struggling with something" lends to the idea that we need to extend compassion to others, the Galochios being so stubbornly cruel as to be irredeemable in the narrative of psychonauts two lends to the equally important theme of "but you can not sacrifice yourself for people who do not WANT help"

Because of the nature of the things the Galochios have done (and perhaps, are still doing, as we move into the secrets behind the RoR and Psy2 narrative) I think that it would take a LOT. A LOT. for the writing to pass off a Galochio redemption in a meaningful and complete way, because of the nature of the choices they make. From what I know about them right now, these are not the actions of people who are... hallucinating grandeur or some greater purpose who believe in some hidden agenda like Boyd. From what I can gather and what we already know about the Galochio backstory, this is just the kind of people they are. 

 Now, taking into account Zalto specifically, I can without a doubt see him having some major psychological damage. Like I said earlier, grief can really, really fuck you up, and Zalto experienced more grief than reasonable, all at once, with the tank accident. He was already not the most stable person. ("But Daisy!" I hear you cry, "Augustus lost his entire family in a year and didn't snap like that!" True but look me in the eye and tell me you think he's coped with it in a healthy manner. Augustus experienced unreasonable amounts of grief and as a result his ten year old thinks he wants him dead.)

So if that turns out to be the case, and we see a level where we actually do deal with that grief in a healthy way (which imo would be very interesting to see the trauma of grief treated the same as mental illness - even though we all experience grief at some point, sooooome of us dont quite take it as well as others, whoops!) we could see the baseline path to a Zalto redemption.

But really it all boils down to responsibility for their actions and how they handle their trauma and the fact that eight Aquatos were murdered does not automatically become sympathetic because Zalto was dealing with grief. I personally, would be really interested to see the Galochios as villains end the game as villains and for that stubbornness and unwillingness to accept empathy or help be shown as their downfall, because irl its incredibly unhealthy and self-destructive to refuse help or refuse to SEEK help when you very clearly know that something is hurting you, and that you are in turn hurting others.

I also REALLY don't want them to be given the Oleander treatment.

As much as I love Oleander, I feel like a lot about his character was mismanaged, and he was turned into comedic relief in RoR.

like. A lot of my thoughts on the psy2 narrative as a whole relies heavily on the li-po document of course but the story that we were given IN psy1 vs the story that we are told in the document are so STARKLY different.

"Oleander wants to take over the world because he's angry at tall people from that time from that time his dad killed his bunny, which traumatized him" is NOT the same as "Oleander spent his formative years FIRMLY BELIEVING that his father saw him as a burden because he was small, thought he was nothing better than pig slop, and witnessed the death of an animal that he had a psychic connection to, after which he spent his entire life attempting to make his father proud only to be rejected by every branch of the military. By the time he was finally a Psychonaut and felt he would be able to make his father proud despite his stature, both of his parents died horribly in a meat grinder accident while he was away training." 

 NOT THE SAME HOLY SHIT.

Oleander had so much POTENTIAL but he was kinda shoehorned into a very two-dimensional role. Idk if it was because of budget or time or what, because the production of psy1 was very..... not great. But its absolutely a SHAME to see such a heartbreaking backstory reduced to "short and angry about it"

And it absolutely cheapens his redemption, too.

The fact that Oleander's story was so heavily pruned COMBINED with the fact that - while it's hinted at in game, its honestly INSANELY difficult to put two and two together imo because of how its presented, Ford outright tells us that Oleander's assignment to whispering Rock was the cause of his mental break (the camp sits on a motherload of psitanium. It makes psychics more psychics, and unstable people more unstable.")

that's never once brought into the resolution of Oleander's character arch and the processing of his trauma and how the psychonauts directly contributed to his deteriorating mental state that led him to try and take over the world because they so deeply misunderstand psitanium but decided to build a kids summer camp training facility on top of it

thats like... early experimentation with nuclear materials before we understood the dangers of radiation. Not to stay topical or anything, but its a clearly dangerous substance that the Psychonauts treat very blase.

But to get back on track there, I really hope that if the Galochios DO receive a redemption arc in psy2, which seems likely given the overarching theme of the games themselves even extending to Loboto of all people... I hope they don't butcher it like they did with Oleander's. Given that they've had five years and a LOT more experience with this genre and its storytelling conventions (plus the fact that they're just excellent storytellers to begin with) I have a cautious optimism that whatever happens with the Galochios it will at least be a satisfying conclusion. (For comparison, Oleander's butchered redemption is still kinda held together by the satisfying conclusion of the game, in which Raz actually becomes a Psychonaut so that isnt to say that psy1 didnt have a satisfying conclusion) 

and at this point im sure you're regretting telling me to talk as much as i want because if there's one thing you ought to know about me by now its that i never shut up about the Galochios and honestly I've had a lot of thoughts about them and the themes of Psychonauts and the general structure of storytelling in the Psychonauts games overall.

As for the Galochio family themselves, I'm fascinated to see exactly who survived and what the power structure of the remaining Galochios is. If Zalto makes the final cut, I want VERY badly to know how he treats his family and if his anger has kinda pervaded what was probably a long time ago a relatively tight knit family. I want to see the individuals involved in this, how far they're each willing to go and where that lies in relation to Zalto. Like everyone has their moral limits, and if Zalto is utterly consumed by his goal to either obliterate the Aquatos or resurrect his family (shudder) his tolerance for atrocities may be much higher than that of his family members, which would automatically sow dissonance within the family when one by one people start deciding this is too much, this is too far, we cant keep doing this.

[poetry-protest-pornography]

I'm in a bad situation right now regarding work/home/finances, and my depression is telling me that I'm powerless, and people who are supposed to be helping me are telling me toughen up and deal with it. Like, my helping professionals are telling me that. Have you got a good word for this Tuesday?

First off, sweetheart, I am so sorry for the delay, I didn’t get any message notifications until just now, so this was a surprise (*shakes fist at tumblr*)

Now, second first-off: Your depression is a stupid liar, and you are not powerless. I know depression is a really convincing bitch, and that sometimes you feel powerless, but I promise that it just isn’t so!

Still, even when we can see past Depression’s Lies, to have the people that are supposed to support us be the exact opposite of helpful only compounds that feeling of helplessness. (Seriously, is there anything less helpful than “toughen up” or “calm down”? Ugh.) If you are able to, I might suggest you telling your professionals that they aren’t helping you by being dismissive. Telling you to “deal with it” when you are clearly looking for help in regards to how to deal with it is not okay (or professional.)

If you have more specific things, I’m more than happy to help you find more specific resources/give more specific advice, but here are some links/bits of advice from my experience that may be helpful.

Budgeting:

I personally struggle with money management because of my bipolar disorder and executive dysfunction (it’s really hard for me to follow through on things like budget plans). The times where I have been most successful, I have used the following methods: 1) use cash whenever possible; when you have cash, put specific amounts into envelopes labelled with what they are for (i.e. $40 for phone bill, $60 for weekly groceries, $500 from this check for rent/mortgage-add $200 from next check, $20 for this week’s “fun money” and $20 for next week, if you get paid bi-weekly) Any leftover money from rounding up your expenses (i.e. you estimate $60 for your gas bill, but you only end up needing to pay $52) can be put in an “emergency” envelope, or a “fancy dinner out” one, or a “weekend trip” one. Or it can sit there and give you a little cushion for next month. Which is really nice, honestly.

Alternatively, use sticky notes to label your actual cash, and paper clips to bunch them together. 2) KEEP YOUR RECEIPTS IN THE BAG WITH ANY NON-NECESSITY PURCHASES! If you find you either don’t need/want the thing a few days later, or need the extra cash for a bill (or a treat for yourself like coffee and dessert with a friend!) you can return it easily! When my mania would lead to frivolous spending, I’d actually get in the habit of leaving everything in my trunk until I could make a level headed decision or get a second opinion on whether or not I really needed those things.

The best thing for me with these tricks, is it only requires a basic understanding of my finances, which means I can avoid a lot of the guilt and anxiety that comes with looking at my bank balance and my bills and realizing how tight my margins are. So, by breaking down bills into “the electric bill is approximately $60 bucks, so I need to set aside $30 twice a month” I can avoid having to instead look at my bill and my nearly depleted balance at the end of the month and having a meltdown.

Here are some sites to check out for more budget tips:

This one talks about the envelope method

This one is a basic “how to budget when you really don’t want to” guide. It has some good tips (that I plan on following up on, because we’re at a tough place financially right now, too). We can totally be “slogging through this shitty thing” buddies.

This one has some more good tips (automatic payments, etc), as well as having a really reassuring tone (it literally addresses how depression makes money management difficult, and how it’s all a big, awful cycle).

If your work difficulties are due to un- or under-employment, I am extra sorry. That’s a terrible place to be, and it compounds all the rest of it. I’m happy to help you look for work if you want to give me some details, I spend a lot of time on job boards.

I’m hoping the “home” issue is just stress, and not that you are in a precarious housing situation. If you want to send another ask with more details, I can talk through some options with you for either situation.

I hope that this is at least a little helpful, darling. If there’s anything else I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to drop another message (I’ll keep an eye out for it!) Take care of yourself, sweetheart.

[surveys4ever]

26.

Have you ever been in weather below 0 Fahrenheit (-17 Celsius)? ...yes. Literally every year. There’s usually a week or two in January when it gets down to -50 to -75 F. 

Have you ever been caught outdoors away from shelter during a thunderstorm? Maybe when I was a teenager? I’ve definitely been caught in the rain, not sure about a thunderstorm tho.

What’s your favorite macaron flavor? I’ve actually never had a macaron! But I don’t like meringue so I don’t think I’d enjoy them.

How often do you have friends over to your house? Literally never.

Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally? YES. The assistant manager at the last job I had was insane. She tried to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to leave town on the weekends in case they needed me. LOL girl bye.

How many times have you stayed at a hotel in the past year, and where? 0, covid.

Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Noooo.

What about a flip off of a diving board? I’ve never even been on a diving board.

Are you embarrassed by your school yearbook photos?  I believe in the 10th or 11th grade I hated them but I was on the yearbook committee so I finessed some new ones to put in hehehe.

Who taught you to tie your shoelaces? I believe I learned at school.

Currently how many pictures are on your cellphone? 9,008.

Do you think dimples are cute? Oh hell yeah.

Would you rather chew fruity or minty gum? Minty.

The last time you went to the mall, who did you go with? Beebs!

What’s something you used to collect when you were younger? Rocks and lip balm.

Have you watched a movie today? Yes! We went to see Dracula.

Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into? We went to an indoor garage sale a couple weeks ago.

Do you love soft pretzels? They’re alright. They smell better than they taste in my opinion.

Who was the last person who cried around you? Why did they start crying? Was it unexpected? Does my dog count? Bc she’s just a drama queen and I wouldn’t expect anything less from her.

Are you more likely to like someone before you really know them, or do you feel you like them more after you know a lot about them? True love is when you like them a ton before you actually really know them and then like them even more after.

Do you buy people cards on special occasions, or do you prefer to make your own? I honestly think cards are a huge waste of money so if I do give one, I made it. But I have a Circuit and I’m pretty creatively inclined so it’s pretty easy.

When was the last time you were being hypocritical? It sounds pompous but I honestly think I'm too self aware to by hypocritical.

Where on your body was the last cramp you had? Why did you have this cramp? My hip, because I was sitting weird.

What is the weirdest name you’ve ever heard? Someone I know named their kid Emanda. Unsure if its pronounced ee-manda or just regular Amanda. Haven’t wanted to ask. Another named their kid Albrea. I just call her Algebra. And another named their kid Annekke, pronounced Anika. She will forever be a-neek-ee to me.

Do you get embarrassed when people hear you sing/compliment you on your singing ability? Bold of you to assume I ever let anybody sing.

Are you good at comforting people when they’re upset? I’m the big sister to like a bajillion children. Yes I’m good at it.

Do you have any exercises you do everyday? Newp.

Do you own one of those singing fish? Do you think they are silly or funny? Hahaha I don’t but I literally just saw a Billy Bass at a thrift store yesterday. They were funny then and they’re funny nostalgic now.

Has anyone ever accused you of being bipolar or any other mental disorder? Do you really have any mental disorders? I have a pretty severe anxiety disorder but no one’s accused me of having it because like...it’s pretty obvious? 

Did you buy the last thing you bought with your own money? If not, whose money did you buy it with? Haha yes! We bought movie tickets, a drink, and peanut butter m&ms.

Do you like to put your feet up on the dashboards of cars? Do you parents yell at you if you do that in cars? Our car is too short for that but yeah, my parents always yelled at me for it when I was young.

Which Beatle is your favorite, or do you love them all equally? I wouldn’t say I loved any of them but John Lennon is absolute hot garbage.

Do you enjoy classic rock? If so, who are some of your favorite classic rock artists? Uh...not really?

Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? Yes! They were all the rage in the 6th grade.

Are you more of a dog or cat person?/ Dog, definitely.

Have you ever failed math? I very, VERY narrowly passed the last math course I needed to graduate and I did the math and because of the mark I got on my final, I should have failed by 3% but I got 1% over what I needed to pass. Pretty sure my math teacher just didn’t want to deal with me taking the course over so he passed me BUT my math could have been wrong, haha.

Skittles! What's your favorite color? Lordt. I haven’t purchased skittles in ages. I think I remember red being my favorite?

Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone? Yeah, actually.

What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them? I would just want my husband to know how much I love him and that I’ll be waiting for him in whatever form of afterlife there is.

Can you sleep with the light on? If I'm dead tired.

What’s the most bizarre horror movie you’ve ever seen? I mean...Dracula is supposed to be a horror movie. The only thing horrific about it was the acting.

What band can’t you stand listening to? I honestly can’t think of one right now.

Would you ever take a lie detector test for your significant other? I mean, if I had to? But we trust each other 100% and I’m brutally honest about everything so he would never require that from me.

What is your favorite Mystery/Crime/FBI related show? Murder, Mystery, & Makeup Mondayssss! Sha na sha sha na sha sha na sha sha sha na shaaaaaaaa!

Would you ever have a bird as a pet? Absolutely not.

How's your relationship between you and your grandparents? I love my mom’s parents to bits. My grandma is one of my absolute favorite people in the world and my grandpa is very quiet but he has a lot of really sweet moments. My dad’s parents are awful fuckin people. My grandfather died like 5 years ago and I really had to try hard to feign sympathy about it to him. My grandmother is still kicking it but we haven’t spoken in over a decade for good reason. She also changed their joint Facebook account to just her Facebook account less than a week after he died loooool. She hated him as much as I did I think. And then my bio dad’s dad is dead but he was also a piece of shit but his mom is a sweetie. We facetime every so often and she holds the phone a grand total of 6 inches away from her face the entire time and tells me the same stories over and over. Bu

Ever had a forbidden love or lover? Newp.

Have you ever had to speak at a funeral? No, thank god.

Do you know someone who’s been cremated? My grandma’s dog.

What is your current problem? My eyes are blurry because I’m tired.

Do you like canopy beds? Tbh, canopy beds are the epitome of glamor in my eyes.

What is your favorite animated movie? Onward.

Would you rather live in a small town or a big city? I like medium cities. You won’t get mugged walking down the street, traffic doesn’t absolutely suck, and you can get clear across town in 15 minutes.

If you could summon any animal to come to your rescue, what animal would it be and why? Uh? Why am I in trouble? Why can’t I call a human? What’s happening here?

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? I tried watching a couple episodes but it didn’t pique my interest.

Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? Noooo. Beebs loves them though so he tries to make me love them and it’s just not happenin, buddy.

Last alcoholic drink you had? No idea tbh.

What are you known for? For being talented and having big hair.

Has anyone ever threatened you? Oh yeah. There was this one guy who was constantly sending me really graphic messages about how he wanted to put a gun to my head and kill me or he hoped I would get XYZ and die. I tried to block him but he would immediately make 3 more accounts to send me the same shit.

Have you ever gone frog hunting? Noooo.

Do you ever suffer from dry skin? Yessss. My body is the Sahara.

Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal? No, I sleep with a husband.

What’s the weather like right this moment? It’s rainy!

Do you bite on straws, lollipop handles, or ice cream sticks? Nah.

In what type of area was your first sexual encounter? Beeb’s bedroom. His stepfather interrupted and made him come outside to talk to him for some reason and then very weirdly pointed out his half boner? V. uncomfortable all around.

Where is your mother’s side of the family descended from? Somewhere where white people come from idk.

What do you occupy your time with on flights? iPad games usually.

Do you dog-ear pages in books? No, I’m not a heathen.

What’s a made up word of yours? We call pickles ‘pickies’ and hamburgers ‘borgers’ or ‘borgs’ because we’re gross.

Do you use Q-Tips? In my ears? No. To clean out tight spaces of things I've thrifted? Yes.

Ever gone out with somebody you didn’t like? Noooo.

What hero or heroine do you most relate to in history, fiction, or song? ....No.

What makes you dizzy? Getting up too fast usually.

Are your parents liberal or conservative? Bleh, conservative. If you have liberal parents, consider yourself blessed.

Do you like your teeth? Did you have braces? I got away with having just an appliance/Invisaligns but I still don’t like my teeth. They’re perfectly straight and white enough but I have body dysmorphia and for some reason I think they’re atrocious and I hate them??? I can’t explain it.

Are you happy with your height? I’m 5′11 and I wish I was shorter sometimes. Hugging my husband would be easier.

[sisterhoodbrij-blog]

Inaugural post of this blog. The pic above is me with Hunt, my beloved (recently and unfortunately deceased) mental health companion animal (if a companion dog is good enough for Carrie Fisher, who also had bipolar disorder, it’s good enough for me). Yes, I named him after James.

Heads-up: long post, swears and Battlestar Galactica-themed profanity, divorce, family drama, discussion of bipolar disorder, specifically psychosis and suicidal ideation

I started this Tumblr, because it was pointed out to me that authenticity is talking about the shit times too. How can I help the next generation of social entrepreneurs if I don’t talk about the stuff that I’m struggling with? I’ll paint an unnaturally rosy picture of entrepreneurship, which is very inauthentic (and I really wish those perky business advice people would talk about the struggles instead of ).

So here comes some authenticity about dealing with family and life drama while trying to start a movement.

I’ve been running Motorsport Sisterhood since August 2015. (The website anniversary is September 15th, 2015, so that’s where we officially count from - we count birthdays, not conception days.) For the most part, it’s felt like yelling into the void. I yelled into the void for a full frakking year before people (other than my friends, who I’m pretty sure got sick of forced adds to groups and tags in FB and Twitter posts with requests to RT) started to respond to me.

My own frakking mother didn’t even like my Facebook page for over a year, until I complained that she didn’t support my organisation. Then she started doing that thing where she commented on posts, criticising them without reading them. On a post about suicide - that was really brave of me to write, because it was so personal, and I angled it very much towards ‘seek professional help’ - she commented, ‘Uh, I would’ve thought going to see a psychologist would be a good idea!’ This from the woman who spent the best part of a decade pretending my symptoms were either a personality flaw for her to manipulate, shame, and gas-light out of me, or a demon that needed to be exorcised. (She did try an exorcism once when I got grumpy because my grandmother told me not to sit on the same side of the car as my mother as I would ‘break the suspension’. Incidentally, two fat women won’t break the suspension. Packing the car full of people and stuff and driving it on a long road-trip on a bumpy road breaks the suspension. I learned this lesson in that car in real life. Prior to the evil bitch’s claims that my then-120kg self would break the suspension. But point aside, my mother’s attempt at an exorcism caused a psychotic break in which I heard a voice in the room that spoke words of comfort to me, and gave me tips for self-care. Best auditory hallucination ever! If I had been religious at the time, I would probably have written it down as a word from the Lord. I mean, how many other people have a psychotic-break head-voice that gives good self-care advice?) I can’t win with her.

Then in March this year, she started slowly and painfully divorcing my dad, and (due to circumstances she claims were beyond her control) made me responsible for sorting through her belongings (she’s a hoarder and they’ve been married 40 years, so a lot of junk has accumulated), sending her the things she wants (the entire scarf collection must be shipped, but the wedding dress and lingerie [which is way more kinky than I ever wanted to contemplate in the context of my parents...I’m off red pleather suspenders for life after realising my dad was into that!] must be 'got rid of’), and finding appropriate homes for the vast majority of her belongings. And in my birthday phonecall from her, she had the gall to say, ‘Now you understand why I was so beady with you for not helping when we moved from [previous address] to [current address]!’ (It. Was. Her. Stuff. I packed and moved my own stuff, in addition to helping a bit with hers out of the goodness of my heart. Her stuff, her problem, right?) So around all the day-job and Sisterhood things, I’ve been silently disassembling my family home.

I feel like an awful feminist for taking my dad’s side in the divorce. I know that women almost always end up worse off financially, but I can’t bring myself to care enough to call her in over the bad economic decisions she’s making. I know that a lot of women are in abusive relationships and struggle to leave, but I don’t buy her story that Dad was an angry, abusive wife-beater their entire marriage. (Show me the bruises! I have way more scarring memories of her yelling for no reason - for example, when my deputy headmaster snitched on me for wanting to kill myself as a teenager, she yelled for two hours straight [literally spitting mad] about how I could keep secrets and humiliate her by telling Rod Montague [the deputy head in question] instead of her [I skipped manual labour {ditch digging around the school grounds; standard punishment for calling the French teacher an ill-informed bitch when she corrected my grammar when I wasn’t even wrong according to the textbook} to kill myself, and didn’t end up killing myself because she got home from the shop early, and then I had to give Rod Montague a reason for not taking my punishment] and air our family’s dirty laundry in public - than I do of him. He has the occasional eruption of irrational, angry yelling, but most people reach breaking point sometimes.) I’m 100% on Team Dad because she’s so frakking bonkers and self-centred and crazy-making, but feel like I should side with her because she was also born with a vagina and is being disadvantaged by society’s views on said vagina, in addition to her own shitty life choices.

So, if you know someone as crazy-making as my mother, here’s some advice from what I’m learning at the moment.

- Distance is good. Find a way to get some space. Thankfully, mine moved countries of her own accord, and gifted me with the space to see how toxic she was.

- Limit communication to safe topics. Do. Not. Engage. Recognise and dodge the crazy. If they get angry with you, deflect onto a safe topic. Keep deflecting. Don’t let them near your soft underbelly. Have a wing-buddy where possible.

- Lean into your community. As in, pick up the frakking telephone and call a human being you like and trust. No vaguebooking and hoping someone notices your pain. Choose specific people who are good listeners, and are possibly willing and able to wing-buddy for you when you’re around the crazy factory. Call them, and talk, preferably in person and not at the crazy-maker’s house.

- Get a therapist/coach/professional help of some description. They can put names to the things the crazy-maker does that make you feel bad. Having words to google is so frakking helpful! They can also reassure you that you are unlikely to have contracted pathological narcissism.

- Take care of yourself. Exercise. Read books you love. Eat nutritious food. Keep your body and living space clean(ish). Complete the sentence, ‘I show love to [person you love] by...’ then do the things to yourself.

If you have any advice to add, add it in the reblogs!