#but really I do genuinely think that society has started to look down on women doing anything but working

[egginfroggin]

Oak please!

I was so confused for a minute seeing this, it took me a second to remember that I just reblogged an ask game.

(The ask game)

I'll be entirely honest, I'm having trouble remembering specifics from such a large time period, but I'd probably say that it was my mother telling me that relationships are something that you need to have self-confidence in.

I'd been lamenting the fact that my desire to work for and raise my own family (husband and kids) seems to be something that society looks down upon now, as several loudmouthed people seem to be of the opinion that being a wife and mother is a degrading occupation, while men in general seem to be becoming more and more suspicious of women as a whole and don't want anything to do with them out of fear and mistrust.

My mother basically said that I can't please everyone, and, knowing that I really do want to have a family in the future, that I should have self-confidence in my wish to have a family. Find a man to share my life with, and don't pay attention to the people who call motherhood demeaning.

So, do stuff. Do your own thing. Have confidence in your decisions. Don't be dumb, of course, but there's nothing wrong with being single or married, a parent or otherwise. Trying to please everyone will please nobody in the end, and you'll be miserable, besides.

[crepezinhos]

hello hello, i really love how you write yandere scara!! we love a miserable, loser, simp, and lovesick scara in this household!! 😍 i hope you continue to make more yandere scara content in the near future because i am very much obsessed with how you write him! i especially really love how you write him as a crazy rich guy that would 101% spoiled his lover rotten to the core 😍 (idk, it just seems very hot to me). keep up the good work and please continue feeding the hungry pigeons 😋 (its me, i am the pigeon)

Me and My Husband

(REQUEST #5) POV: How does Scaramouche act as a husband for his so-loved and traumatized reader after the so-awaited marriage? (Or just YandereHusband!Scaramouche thoughts)

⚠️ WARNINGS:

— Mostly a SFW post, but there are explicit NSFW parts

— Reader is FEMALE and uses SHE/HER pronouns

— This is a Yandere work, so there is a lot of toxic and manipulative behavior.

— Contains mentions of depression, self-hatred and suicide.

— Reading of the original post and prequel is absolutely advised

You really thought that this whole idea of marrying someone by force was going to be terrible. You now thought of Scaramouche as this maniac who just wants to abuse you until death, but he actually proved to be the complete opposite of what you thought. You didn’t know this at first, but during the actual marriage, he took every single word from the priest to his heart as he stared at your fake smile. He was truly determined to follow all those duties of a husband in the traditional church even if you would not follow the rules of a traditional wife.

As soon as you arrived home after all that partying and drinking, you smile faded away and you went to rest in your bed. Scaramouche even tried sneaking closer to you when he went to bed too, but you stopped him right he away and made him sleep in the corner of the bed, turned away from you.

As expected, things started off really bad. You would flinch to his touches, look away from his eyes, not smile at anything at all... you were crushed and exhausted in any way. The fact that society criticized the way you acted in that marriage and that paparazzi would never leave you alone was genuinely making you think about ending your life.

“What’s so special in that girl, Kuni?! She’s a talentless designer and an indecent lady who’s most likely a filthy gold-digger! She doesn’t even try to hide it, Kuni.” You heard his mother, Raiden Ei, scream to Scaramouche during a discussion in her office that you weren’t supposed to hear.

Incredibly, Raiden Ei did not know about the deal behind your marriage.

“I’m sorry, I’m just very surprised that someone so demanding as Kuni fell in love with such a random person... I mean, Kujou Sara has liked him ever since they were kids… so I don’t know why he didn’t choose her…” Yae Miko, another powerful economist in Japan, commented to you in a party.

“It is a pity that Kunikuzushi didn’t mind your status when he chose to marry you.” Kujou Sara insulted looking up and down at you, clearly offended by your existence.

“So many women begging to have a chance with him and he decided to marry a robot 😭🙏” A comment on a TikTok post talking about Raiden Ei’s son’s marriage.

That specific comment on the internet made you cry for barely an hour. You really wish you could scream at everyone how you do not give a shit or that the marriage was forced upon you… or the energy to smile at cameras and make it look like that you and Scaramouche are doing fine, but you simply couldn’t, and you didn’t have anyone to vent to anymore. Your boyfriend got mad at the way you simply broke up with him and cut contact and your friends didn’t understand your change in mood too and decided to let you go. Your parents were the only ones, aside of Scaramouche, who understood you, but they couldn’t do much for you rather than answer your phone calls and visit you every once in a while to check up on you.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Scaramouche suddenly opened the room’s door with a plastic bag in his hands and met your crying figure, getting extremely worried at it. “Hey… no need to cry…” He whispered as he kneeled down by your side and hugged you by your neck, reassuring you that you weren’t alone. “Here… I brought this for you if it might make you any happier...” He whispered as he pulled the same plastic bag to give it to you.

Flowers, sweets, souvenirs, jewelry, tickets to things you like and many other kinds of gifts were brought to you in a daily basis, and they incredibly made you smile sometimes, you loved sweets after all…

But yes, his willingness to spoil you was the first step to get your life back in track.

Your honeymoon was wonderful and beautiful. Two weeks in Paris in first-class private planes. You didn’t think much about why Scaramouche chose that place until your guide brought you to the mansion of one of your favorite designers, Chiori, during an expedition day. You were barely panicking as you said your first words to her, but that awkwardness soon ended. Scaramouche quietly watched you talk to her about fashion all day, extremely proud of himself for making you truthfully smile. According to Chiori in a private conversation with him that happened after you met her, you had good ideas in mind for fashion, but none of it was somehow innovating. Those words of confirmation made Scaramouche finally go to the next step, which was giving you all the power you needed to start your own business.

Keeping someone busy with any kind of work might make a depressed person’s life have a meaning, such as owning a project or taking care of a pet.

Because of the influence your upcoming business had with the Raiden bank and family, it was successful in its opening, but it obviously decreased due to the lack of innovation. It didn’t matter to you, after all, you never wanted anything huge, but you were relieved to have some power in your hands after having it all destroyed by Scaramouche previously.

Seeing that your self-esteem was slowly getting better, he finally begun going for the next and final step, which was the riskiest and hardest one… getting intimate. All that Scaramouche wanted in change of all those efforts he did for you were the bare minimum crumbs of your love. Yes, he hates himself that much. Don’t blame him, you were the first person to make him feel love after 20 years, so he doesn’t want to let go.

But, there was a problem, Scaramouche does not know how to get intimate. Now that touching and kissing you were more like a right rather than instinctual actions, he felt like he would pass out any time he touched you for more than 3 seconds.

The first time you kissed him was an absolute heart attackto him. You two were just peacefully sitting in the bed while he talked about the truth behind his relationship with Kujou Sara, when you suddenly leaned close to him and shut the space between your faces. He paralyzed, his heartbeat accelerating the more time you spent there, savoring his lips, but he still did his best to give in and not let go of that opportunity tou gave him. He incredibly started moaning due to the pressure you were putting on him and the arousal he got from the forming heat of your mouths. He genuinely needed to hold his heart with a hand to not pass out with the feeling of you pushing him down on the bed.

He doesn’t understand why he’s so nervous about something he dreamt for over three years now, nor why were you doing it. In your perspective, it just happens that you haven’t had sex in a year and simply wanted to feel that pleasure once again.

Just like he promised, he submitted to every single thing that you did to him. He was so nervous and taken aback seeing you grind your hips on top of his crotch as you unbuttoned his shirt that it even made toy feel guilty for him. His dick got hard so quickly that he really thought it was an orgasm. He didn’t even dare say it ask anything, he was too happy about you doing such an intimate thing with him to care about the answers of his questions.

He literally had to cover his eyes with a hand to not have a heart attack with the view of you taking off your clothes on top of and with that sly smirk in your face. Since you could tell he was nervous, you decided to start the actual thing as soon as you got rid of all the clothes even if you’d have a lot of fun teasing his ego. Scaramouche would never know it, but he was the last thing that went through your mind at the moment. All you thought of was your boyfriend’s sex and how he knew exactly where and how to touch you. Since you really wanted to feel that feeling of being touched by your ex’s hands again without being caught, you leaned down and grabbed one of the pillows above Scaramouche’s head and gave it to him to cover his face. He obviously submitted to that choice too and hugged that pillow against himself like he needed it to live. Now you really were enjoying the moment as you begun touching yourself all around your body like it was his hands doing so, betraying Scaramouche right in front of him.

In the end, it was a relieving experience for you but it was heaven for Scaramouche. Even if he watched lots of porn, he believed that sex didn’t feel that good since none of the women in it would ride dicks as greatly as you did. He thought that maybe he felt that much pleasure because it was you doing it, a person he loves, but he preferred to stick with the idea that he had just lost his virginity, so it made sense for him to act like that. After that night, his love for you grew massively. Expect to receive gifts every day of your life now, because he couldn’t wait to be intimate like that with you again. Since he had no idea how to do it nor how to have the courage of asking for it, he hoped that those little souvenirs would somehow drive you to ask for it. He would let control when and how you two did it forever if it was the only way you accepted to have sex with him.

God… he was so in-love with that intimacy… why did you turn that switch on on him?

Luckily, the more you two had sex, the more you’d feel comfortable with Scaramouche himself, so, when finally gave him the chance to top you, he was nervous about how clueless he actually was. So many parts to touch, kiss, lick and suck… so much praising that had to be done… so many kinks and details he had to keep in mind... seems like all those hours of watching porn thinking about you were useless. He also thought women felt pleasure with anything related to dicks due to how submissive they act towards it, and his awkwardness of seeing you naked below him, just waiting for him to begin, only contributed him to thrust you very poorly. Men in porn don’t make noise, so he didn’t do it too. Men in porn don’t touch and wouldn’t even get close to the woman they were fucking, so he didn’t do it too.

It was… terrible.

It was so terrible that it made you stop making effort of liking it and stop him.

“What’s going on? You’re quiet as a bush… do you not like it?” You asked neutrally, making him stop moving.

It didn’t matter anyway since he was going so slow and weak, thinking that would be enough to make you act like those prostitutes, that it barely made difference to you.

“N-No..! Of course I like it! D-Do you… not like it..?”

“No…” You answered immediately, making him panic in embarrassment.

“Oh… hum… h-how can I make you like it..?” He asked, afraid that you’d give up on letting him top.

Unfortunately, you two had to stop the whole moment so you could teach him how to touch a woman, not figuring out why was he acting so weird, but, luckily, he learned it quite fast. He did not want to disappoint you in such an important thing for your relationship. He was doing good with physical intimacy, but when you asked why was he so quiet again and told him to get those moans out of his mouth, he started to really fuck you. He was so surprised at how good sex made him feel that he would not blink at all. He wanted to hear every single high-pitched moan of yours whenever he thrusted you precisely. He wanted to watch and appreciate how every single part of your body reacted so tenderly to him. He wanted to feel the warmth of your soft skin against his, the physical contact you two shared.

The fact that you even willed to have sex with him was enough to make him cum.

He was so whiny and shaky after his hard orgasm that you immediately laid your both corpses in the bed to rest. You were so satisfied and even surprised at how well he did, it even made you accept the fact that it wasn’t your boyfriend who did it, and, yes, Scaramouche, a man who you promised to hate for the rest of your life.

Scaramouche’s needy soul had no words to share but he made sure you wouldn’t move an inch out of his grip that night.

But, do you really think he is always cute like this? Of course not! After all, you’d only have sex with him when you wanted to, which means it was once in months. His jealously is the biggest factor for your unhappiness in that marriage. He literally gets violently angry any time a man even dares to look at you, and would never blame you for it. You could spread your legs to a man and have sex with him while degrading Scaramouche’s morals right in front of him that he’d say that you’ve been seduced and manipulated to say such things. It would always create very awkward situations with architects, mailmen, waiters and engineers, who sometimes would even decide to keep a better distance from you two and you hated it. You couldn’t really live your life happily like that as an extroverted person. He still was rude and cold to everyone, just like when you met him, even with maids that were extremely loyal to your privacy in the home. Some of his workers and ex-workers even reported to the internet how Scaramouche wasn’t a pleasant boss and colleague at all. You tried telling him multiple times that he should treat his employees better, to avoid things like that and ruin his reputation, and try making new friends, but he claimed he didn’t need anyone else now that he had you by his side.

The only two people he treated well instead of you were your parents. He knows just how important they are for your mental health, so keeping a good relationship with them would help keeping the marriage good in a way. What if your parents started believing that marrying Scaramouche wasn’t that nightmare you told them to be because of his great behavior towards them? It would influence you to keep going, wouldn’t it?

Well… even if he denied the idea of opening himself to more people, you could see that he was unintentionally improving his behavior towards new people every day, but very slowly.

Sometimes he would also get really mad when something went slightly wrong with his work, career or your relationship. You’d usually get really scared when he started having an anger attack in your bedroom and would find anything distracting to do while you listened to him scream and discount his anger in the walls or objects of the room. He would always leave the room and run to you crying and whining like a child, begging for your forgiveness as he kneeled in front you and hugged your legs, but that wasn’t enough to make you feel more comfortable around his presence for the next hours or even days.

“Y/N, please, open the door! I didn’t mean to scare you, I just want you to love me too..! Why can’t you see it..?! What am I doing wrong?! Please… talk to me..! Let me see you..! Let’s sit down in the bed and talk about it, ok..? Please..? Y/NNN!” He screamed, cried, whined and begged at the bathroom’s door as he pulled and pushed the doorknob multiple times and banged at it, desperate to reach and feel you, who had locked yourself inside there half an hour ago after Scaramouche started acting violent towards you during a fight about your lack of response to his demonstrations of love.

When you two were being flashed by cameras and recorded by microphones, he’d also get extremely defensive of you and would not let you answer weird questions at all, claiming that those stupid journalists have no reason to be making such questions towards you and that they were all just greedy for any kind of secret.

Scaramouche did not fear that you’d tell them about the truth of your marriage, he just craved for your attention and company 24/7.

People on the internet eventually reached the conclusion that Scaramouche was the kind of man to act all tough and hard towards anyone instead of his wife while you were a social butterfly. There were even clips on YouTube of Scaramouche’s mood switch to prove that theory across gossip pages.

And, well, they weren’t wrong at all.

Marrying someone as insane as Scaramouche definitely does not feel like a burden, but it doesn’t feel pleasant at the same time. Your heart would always find itself craving for that feeling of love you once felt for you boyfriend and denying Scaramouche, no matter how well he treated and spoiled you. You’ve already gone through those dark memories, but sometimes they still haunt your nights and dream, especially the triggering memories of that day behind the tree and your marriage. You’ve always wanted your marriage to be a dreamy and unforgettable event with all your family and friends, including Scaramouche, everything in white and a smile that simply couldn’t be wiped out from your face. All you had with Scaramouche was a beautiful performance of architecture and money.

That comparison made you sob whenever you thought about it.

Scaramouche’s behavior was slowly getting repetitive and even boring, no matter how much he tried to innovate. Your life would start to step back again if you didn’t do anything about it.

— Will you try making your relationship with Scaramouche better? Or even… real?

— Will you think about your ex-boyfriend (any character you want) so much that you can’t handle the pain in your heart anymore, run back to him, find out that he still loves you too and run away from the country? Making sure Scaramouche never finds you again? Or does? He would get really pissed but really sad too…

— Will you get your revenge on this monster that broke the happy girl you once were, forced you into a loveless marriage and even made you have suicidal thoughts because of the low self-esteem he brought you to have unintentionally? By either making go to jail for his crimes or using blackmail to force into an open relationship where he’d know with you were going out with?

— Will you simply give up on making things better and kill yourself? It would lead Scaramouche to suffer eternally, no matter if you died or not.

It’s all up to you at 3:19 AM, staring at a wall of your room while you were supposed to be sleeping, feeling Scaramouche’s nose on your shoulder and hands around your waist as he peacefully slept.

Don’t forget to like and comment if you liked it <3

Original Post, Prequel

Taglist: @alatusorrow @the-stinky-winky @kindofshyent @kindofscenic @iruma-chan @sunflower0sky

[coverednvisible]

Dear brothers who think my or another sister's covered existence is a threat to your iman,

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

and Alhamdulillah, really—from the bottom of my heart.

this is my very first post, and i want to start with gratitude. i love my niqab. the fact that I never tire of being a niqabi is a blessing. i am fortunate—to wear the face veil over my khimar, to comply with what Allāh has commanded, it was simply the best decision of my life.

Allahumma barik to the sisters who uphold modesty, and to those who aspire to the same. i can only hope and pray that He makes it possible for all of us to always carry ourselves with hijab, as He intended.

but wallahi, i am tired of one thing.

exhausted, even.

from seeing modesty weaponized as a leash on veiled sisters.

from seeing covered women with haya being scrutinized for the "sin" of merely existing.

i have to say this, for i refuse to bear witness to this echo chamber anymore.

so, dear brothers (and the sisters) who take it upon themselves to police chaste women based only on their modest presence—

repeating 33:33 under the comments of every visibly striving sister's post, video, or photo is NOT gentle nasiha.

it is in fact the misuse of the Most Merciful's words—burdening those who are already visibly trying.

but let those words not be the end of it.

let’s normalize not throwing ayat without context. let’s look at what Surah Al-Ahzab, verse 33 is actually talking about, since it’s high time we utilize some tafakkur (understanding).

“And stay in your homes…”

this was revealed to the Mothers of the Believers—the wives of the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). they had a unique status. their rewards and responsibilities were unlike any other women. striving for their level of modesty is noble, but the command given to them was NOT meant as a blanket order for all Muslim women to disappear from society.

what is required from all of us regardless of gender is the hijab and haya and obedience to Allāh in what He has commanded clearly for the general ummah.

so the bottom line is:

policing already chaste women, who are not doing anything wrong by what is apparent, is no small issue. those who claim that simply posting online as a woman by itself is haram—your cause is not just, and you're more often than not fighting the wrong fight.

dear brothers, refrain from being a deaf 33:33 warrior. strive to be encouraging in your da’wah. Allāh gave us eyes, but He also gave us aql (intellect) so we can choose to turn to Him, and lower our gaze, especially when a sister is pulling her weight. because she is doing her part, so why won't you?

and tell me, please:

what exactly has a sister in proper niqab done wrong, just by showing she exists? that she is a human being, a living, breathing creation of Allāh—like you and I are?

how is she improper? how is her mere presence indecent and creating fitnah for anyone, and how is it her fault? a valid daleel is yet to be provided.

are we to vanish because someone else commits the zina of the eyes or mind, while we are already covering and acting as we should?

If your heart still falls into zina of the eyes, despite a sister complying with her Lord—then is she the problem? or is it your gaze that’s too far gone?

this isn’t about rebellion or trying to justify what Allah made haram. this is about truth. and standing for it is an act of worship—just like wearing niqab, because i refuse to watch sisters who—mashaAllah—seemingly do everything right (while knowing none of us is sinless), still get picked apart and put down for no real reason.

that whisper that says, “you’ll never be enough”— often comes from shaytan.

so i urge you, dear brother, to try your best. for your sake. for the sake of us and others. and most importantly, for the sake of Allāh.

please, ask yourself:

can your conscience handle making the path to Allāh harder for someone who's genuinely trying? to the point where you trigger her overthinking, her guilt, her questioning if she’ll ever be enough—when maybe, just maybe, Allāh is already pleased with her?

because He never asks us for perfection.

his Mercy is not earned—because we never truly can.

don’t make others despair. and don’t be the reason a heart feels distant from the deen.

are your words truly helpful? are they rooted in softness and sincerity? or are they extra-scriptural, performative, and whispered by the one who wants company in jahannam?

you don't know her standing with Allāh. and you don’t want to be the one He questions:

“Why were you harsh to My servant, when she was trying to please Me, and doing no visible wrong?”

Allah knows best.

And may all of us be sincere—in our words, and in our actions.

[maniacwatchestheworld]

Man... So yeah... I've got conflicting feelings about Batman: The Caped Crusader... On the one hand, the art direction and the backgrounds? I can genuinely dig them! The diversity and number of people of color in the main cast? Fantastic! And I'm down for them trying out new takes on old or obscure rogues! The tone and atmosphere can be pretty good at times, and I appreciate the 1940's setting and the weird little oddities the show has because of the retro setting.

But to me, by far the most interesting thing about the show is that it doesn't really feel like a show about Batman. But rather that the show is about the systems of corruption that make Gotham the way that it is and stay that way. Batman has 0 qualms about beating the shit out of the cops, and I dig the hell out of that! Bruce often feels secondary to what Barbara, Renee, and Harvey are up to. The show feels like it's about Gotham! And what Batman is here to do and does is secondary to the other people living in it and trying to change things for Gotham. And I can dig that about this series! And honestly, seeing Barbara and Renee just being complete and utter badasses throughout the whole show and always being the best, most competent, incorruptable people in the room? Kinda delightful! Batman just gets to be a chump sometimes. And it's pretty funny to see the men go down with the easiest of punches while the ladies seem to be able to tank anything coming their way! Love that for them! But honestly... It really does seem like the show is a LOT more interested in the struggles of the poor, the people of color, and the women of the city than it is with the perspective of the rich, white, cis, male society that we usually see! So that's a direction I really appreciate with the show!

But on the negative side, BOY HOWDY does that animation look sloppy sometimes. And in fact, the animation style is often far too close to that of Scooby-Doo for my liking! When I started the 5th episode with Gentleman Ghost, I felt a little baffled because I just put on Batman... But what I was seeing looked like it was literally pulled straight out of Scooby-Doo! The only real animation details that made it NOT look like Scooby-Doo was MAYBE the eyeliner on some of the characters. And even then, only maybe. Like it's not exactly surprising, but still a bit of a bummer. :p Also this is probably just a me thing, but I wish that Batman was just more successful when it came to saving people. Like, I entirely got that they wanted this show to be for adults so they they could raise the stakes and actually kill characters off... But there are just a few instances that feel like a bummer and I wish that Batman was given a chance to save them... Speaking of... Spoilers below the cut!

Man! I'm bummed out by what they did with Harvey! He's my favorite! He's my boi! I love he! And he just gets killed off! Like... I was genuinely interested to see what they were doing with him. It wasn't my ideal direction for Harvey, but it was interesting! And I would have liked to see more of him! I would have liked to see more of the dynamic between Harvey and Two-Face! And their dynamic with Barbara was genuinely very fun to see! But yeah... They killed him off and he's very VERY unlikely to come back! I think that it would have been more interesting if they tried to keep him around. In that last episode, he asks what kind of happy ending he can have where he gets out of this. And honestly, I think that it would have been more fun and challenging for them to try and answer that question! But nah. They just killed him off. Siiiiigh... Also when thinking about the themes of the show, them killing Harvey off feels a little... Troubling... So at the very least, if Caped Crusader does return for a second season... I sure as FUCK hope that Harvey haunts the ever-loving FUCK out of the narrative! Cause honestly, I could have stood to see more of this interpretation of him! But alas! Siiiiigh...

Also lol. Apparently my prediction of the direction that they were trying to do with this Two-Face and Harvey was spot on. And that's kinda hilarious! :P

[aropride]

trying to draw lines of who's queer and who's not is unhelpful and a waste of time and i find it's an impossible task to categorize something as uncategorizable as attraction and identity. i've started thinking of it as more of a sociopolitical label as well as an identity label, and in my opinion that's a lot more useful than sitting around trying to decide if a guy who's only ever been attracted to women and ryan reynolds counts as queer or not. because i feel like if, for instance, a straight cis man who does drag and regularly engages in trans activism and sits down with his state senator to discuss making trans sanctuary laws or whatever. wants to identify as queer. i don't really care? i don't think that affects anyone negatively. i think if someone's involved in queer activism and the queer community and they want to use the word queer for themselves i think that's fine and i think it's not any of my business.

also there's this tendency, especially online, for people to go "well what if an allocishet person uses the word queer for themself even though they arent!" and that doesn't feel like a helpful thing to worry about because like.. what if? who is really getting hurt if a gender nonconforming cishet person identifies as queer? or a woman with two husbands? i saw a post along the lines of "we've got straight girls calling themselves fagdykes this is why inclusionism is bad" and i mean. first of all i genuinely just do not believe that. i don't think there are cishet women calling themselves fagdykes. i don't think people who wouldn't be considered queer by cishet society are often proudly declaring themselves part of the queer community in general. people don't paint targets on their backs for fun. i think it's much more likely that the person they were mad at was nonbinary or bi or otherwise queer. but even if they were, like. if for some reason a completely cis completely straight woman wanted to reclaim slurs for herself, she probably has a reason for that. and it's not really our business anyway.

and i think if someone actually is "only identifying as queer to infiltrate queer spaces and cause discord and hurt people," i think that's a them problem, not a "person who uses labels i don't fully get" problem. and i don't think that happens often except for possibly in discord servers, and i think that's generally called "lying" and "being an asshole."

whenever i see stuff trying to draw a line on who's queer and who's not, whether this person can say fag or not, whether it's okay for this person to use they/them pronouns or not, whatever. "are polyamorous people queer?" "can a cis guy use they/them pronouns?" i think of ace/aro exclusionism and bi exclusionism and nonbinary exclusionism. because the arguments sound the same. something about not being "oppressed enough," about "stealing resources" (what resources?), about "well these ones are okay but those ones aren't," about fakers, about people reclaiming slurs they can't use, about how they're "making us look bad," how they're "not queer enough," whatever. and i think it's petty and useless and pretty stupid when we're in the face of a rise in violent transphobia to focus on that instead of actual problems.

i had a friend in high school who talked about how she doesn't understand sexuality and gender and gender roles because she's autistic. she was a lot like me in that we'd both pick at strict definitions of things like "queer" or "trans" and find exceptions to common strict definitions until they fell apart entirely. and she identified with just her name, not trans, not nonbinary, not cis either. not bi or pan or ace or aro or anything else, and not straight. just herself. and she was fully accepting of me and other queer people in our life and was involved in queer activism and was actively deradicalizing her mom from radfem ideology. i don't know if she identified as queer then or if she does now, but if she did/does, i don't see why she shouldn't. i don't think it'd be my place to tell her not to.

i don't know. i just think if someone wants to consider themself queer it's not my business why. because they probably have a good reason. and i think trying to define something like queerness is an impossible task, and i think there's better things to do. it's not hurting anyone for someone you or i see as allocishet to identify as queer for whatever reason. sometimes you don't have to understand the intricacies of someone's identity and life story and why they use certain words for themselves.

[faksyan]

For the character ask thing, Decoy Octopus! No just kidding lol I'm gonna give you a Death Stranding character instead. Since you're new to the game and you might not have spent too much time thinking about the characters, choose one between these three: Fragile, Cliff Unger, Deadman.

Fragile!!!!!!!! Sorry I saw she was there and the decision was instantly made. Shame it's not Decoy Octopus though, love that guy and his many appearances (pun intended) in the game. And I do love both Deadman and Cliff. Fragile is just. I love her so much.

First impression

Being highly confused and intrigued about the world, that's what most of my attention was on during her introduction. Loved the spiky jacket!!! And I do love her umbrella, it's such a fun shape and. texture? I don't think they ever said what it's made of but it looks transparent and reflective and solid all at the same time? It's a really cool design. I like that she's a pretty mysterious character for a while and you know that she's There somewhere but not what she wants with Sam or overall.

Impression now

She seems pretty reserved and polite, but in a way that feels genuine. She respects people, even if they don't always respect her back, but she also doesn't seem the type to just take people's shit. Maybe she has been for a bit after people started labeling her as a terrorist, I feel like there was a lot of self-pity there that was well earned, she basically gave up her life for people who she thought would never know or appreciate it. I think her meeting Sam helped her a lot with processing all of that, and the fact that he let everyone know about what really went down must have been such a shock and relief, even if she didn't show it that much. I really like how happy she is about eating cryptobiots and offering them to Sam, and I love when he eventually takes one.

Also about Kojima's writing of women and in general, I think they are like fine wine, as in is better each year (the writing of women was a pretty shitty wine to start with though. magically got good in ds, and I genuinely wonder why, it hasn't been that long since v). She doesn't fall into the mother/sister/love interest pitfall a lot of his female characters do. I do love Amelie!! I do love Mama!!! Motherhood and family are very important themes of ds, but with the context of his previous games Fragile feels like breaking the pattern, which is great!! Decpite the running in her underwear in the rain bit, the way she's is written is kind of the polar opposite of Quiet. In terms of how society perceives bodies of older women its considered unsexy and whatnot, and the aftermath of what happened to her makes her hide her body as opposed to wearing a bikini. But it doesn't exactly feel like it's out of shame, even though it was definitely meant to be a humiliation when Higgs did it, it feels like Fragile still has so much dignity to her. I like that she is conflicted about her sacrifice and wishes she hadn't done it. Makes her feel very raw and real. It made me happy that the state of her body wasn't treated weirdly by anyone around her, and I get that it's because of the nature of the universe and that a lot of people must be affected by timefall all the time, but it still made me happy!!

Favorite moment

The forehead touch and conversation as she sent Sam to rescue Amelie, and the talk near the lake after she and Sam get rid of the bomb. When her and Sam are on the ship too, it was a quiet nice moment. I like when she pronounces fragile weirdly.

Idea for a story

I had a silly thing in mind where a bunch of characters ask Sam on a date to shoot their shot, and he ends up rejecting all of them, Fragile included albeit with the implications that it's sort of reciprocated but also things are complicated, and they both are fine with where they stand. I'll be honest, I thought I didn't really like any ships with Sam, but I really like his dynamic with Fragile, romantic or not.

I would've loved to think up something cool about the time she and Higgs worked together. We get a glimpse of Higgs' perspective on their relationship during that time, but very little of hers, only the stuff that's already clouded with her desire for revenge and not how she really felt at the time.

Unpopular opinion

Oh man, I haven't really seen enough ds takes to know what's considered unpopular.

Favorite relationship

Her and Sam. I really liked how respectful she was about his phobia, with everyone else there were points where they obviously forgot about it or used it for intimidation, and I kind of hated that since I do share it to some extent. She also kind of seemed to do that a few times, like when she was telling him about her history with Higgs, but even then she still kept her distance in a way that didn't feel the same as with other characters. I really liked that about her. Her and Higgs also. And I do think she's at least sort of friends with the rest of the main guys, the scenes of them sending Sam off and then rescuing him are so, so good.

Favorite headcanon

Ahh I don't think I have anything. I've read very few death stranding fics but there was this short one I really like where Fragile travels with Sam on bikes for a bit and they race. She also uses his shower a bunch and leaves or takes stuff around his rooms in it, I liked that idea a lot. It's the casual intimacy of something small, I feel like they understand each other in their love for solitude, so they can be alone together and be content with it.

[allyricas]

oh my god i could write a whole fucking essay on why both jon x nancy and steve x nancy should not be endgame! and it's not about disliking any one of them, rather seeing the various reasons each pair shouldn't stay together.

okay, come here: jon and nancy are very cute together. they have a lot of undeniable chemistry and similar interests and goals at the start of season 1. it's pretty clear that despite being with steve, nancy is attracted to, or at least intrigued by, jonathan from the start. he fucking took inappropriate pictures of her and she was not offended.

(we could argue this is because the duffer bros are men thus do not really understand how a teenage girl would react to this but that's a rant for another day)

i think jon and nancy are right-person-wrong time-terrible situation. despite the mutual attraction during season 1, they truly fall for each other during all the drama of will being possessed and the mind flayer. there is genuine love, but also trauma bonding.

the issue arises in the core of who they are and what they want out of life. nancy does not understand jonathan very well. jonathan does get her, i think, but doesn't necessarily like her priority on her career. we see this with the whole newspaper dilemma/argument. nancy is headstrong and determined, both good qualities, but she struggles to see how it could affect others at times.

jonathan might feel pressured to take care of will and stick by his family, but he cannot bear to lose them either. he needs will and his mom close after everything that's happened over the years. this means the idea of going away to college sounds terrifying to him at this point in his life. i also think the way he met argyle and went stoner boy is a huge relief for him. he can relax and get high, but wants to be with his family.

oh, but nancy. nancy wheeler. for all that she seems dainty and soft, she is truly a fucking badass. she is not afraid to fight for what she wants or what she believes in. she sees her traditional, nuclear family and she wants so much more. she wants a successful career. she wants to investigate and know the truth. she does not want to be in hawkins. she wants to rise above what society says a girl can be.

she doesn't want to break the glass ceiling, she wants to fucking shatter it. she is nearly cutthroat in her pursuit of what she wants and thinks is right.

she lost her best friend on the night she was losing her virginity to a boy she didn't love. i do not think nancy loved steve, sorry. i think she wanted to and thought she was supposed to but didn't. and this is not meant in a derogatory way towards nancy. she never had to love steve.

so I think there is an element to nancy where she feels she needs to be in a relationship because she's supposed to be, it's what girls should want. she should be jealous of robin because steve used to be her boyfriend. she should stress over her relationship with jon even though he's in california.

i think it's why we see her side of the weird energy with steve in season 4. she is very analytical with things, and she's considering what she is supposed to want, not necessarily what she actually wants which very well could be neither of the boys if she was honest with herself.

nancy needs a partner who is okay with her prioritizing her career, who has their own career, and is okay with needing personal space and not necessarily wanting a family. someone who understands nancy's desires and dreams, recognizes how she needs to find the story and investigate and reveal the truth, that she will do whatever it takes to be successful and she deserves to! that she can have all this and love, but that it won't look like what society said was acceptable for a women in that time.

nancy would be so, so unhappy with steve. she was unhappy with him the first time they dated. she stuck it out it because it felt like a slap in the face to losing barb if it didn't work. but nancy knew deep down it was bullshit. she might have drunkenly spewed those words to steve, but they were just as much about her.

so yeah, nancy and jon without all the trauma, could have been happy. and who knows, maybe in the future they could work out. nancy and steve, trauma or no trauma, would not work. he straight up said he wants a big family. he wants the house, the kids, and a partner to come home to. that is a nightmare for nance. her face said it all in the rv.

“It’s silly but I always had this dream that I’d have this really big family. I’m talking like a full brood of Harringtons, like five, six kids. And every summer I figured all of us Harringtons, we would pack into something like this and just see the country. You know, the Rockies, Grand Canyon, maybe Yellowstone. End up in some beachside town in California, spend a week parked in the sand. Learn how to surf or something.”

we can argue whether steve's parents are just a little absent or like fully negligent assholes but either way, he wants what he didn't have. wants to create his own family and do it the right way. he wants a big family with lots of people to nurture and love. i don't even think nancy would necessarily want to take her spouse's last name whereas steve would very much want that.

steve's desire for family is intrinsic to who he is. it's why he carts around dustin and the kids. why he worries for them and throws himself into danger for them despite barely knowing them in season 2. it's why robin made her way into his heart so easily. steve wants to be loved, wants to be needed and does want to love others in return.

he may not seem to have big aspirations in terms of college or a career but what he does aspire to is just as important as any other dream.

it's interesting that he doesn't just say he wants a big family but instead, makes sure to emphasize that he wants a big family that are close and spent time together. he wants to cram the whole gang in a damn winnebago and travel together. his dream is no less important than nancy's but it is totally incompatible.

i think steve regressed in season 4 because he was scared. the idea of fighting vecna and not having someone to love romantically made steve fall back on his old feelings for nancy. because steve said himself he was over her. he'd been dating. actively trying to find someone.

it was the circumstance that led to the weirdness between them.

if you follow me, then you know steve harrington is like my ride or die. i think he's maybe my favorite character of all time. so true, i do not want to see him with someone who called him bullshit and was obviously moving on emotionally with another guy while still dating steve.

(i personally don't think she cheated on him, but considered that moment the break up. even if it she did cheat on him, i love nancy. she was a teenager who'd lost her best friend and was dealing with a ton of shit and it doesn't make her bad even if she had cheated.)

all three deserve happy endings that suit who they are and where they are it. i really hope that we get to see that reflected in vol. 5.

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

Return to the Water

Chapter Five: Her.

AO3 one two three four five six seven eight nine

Until now, he told me her name; it sounded familiar in a way. I could have sworn I’d heard him say it ten thousand times.—Sara Bareilles, Between the Lines

The first time Lea looked in a mirror, her initial thought was that she looked a lot like her mother and sisters. Her second thought was that she wasn’t sure she liked—or disliked, for that matter—the way she looked.

Lea was practicing walking, her arms outstretched on either side of her as she wobbled awkwardly. Just as Timothée caught her in his arms, the front door slammed open.

“What the hell is going on?” an unfamiliar female voice demanded shrilly. “And who is this?”

“Kylie!” Timothée exclaimed, sounding surprised and hastily helping Lea onto a nearby couch. He bounded over to the human female—his mate from the boat, she recalled, jealousy and pain twisting in her stomach—and started talking to her swiftly and quietly. She wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not, but Lea couldn’t hear what was said.

After a minute or two, the woman turned to her, her too-big lips pinched but her face otherwise strangely expressionless, and said,  “Thank you for saving my boyfriend.” She said the last two words with a strange amount of enunciation that Lea didn’t know what to make of.

She nodded slightly. “I’m Lea,” she said, her voice polite. The situation had become complicated enough; she didn’t want to be on bad terms with her mate’s so-called girlfriend, no matter how jealous she was, how much it hurt.

“Lea was also hurt in the… accident,” Timothée said delicately. “She has amnesia about a lot of things and she needs help relearning how to walk.”

“That’s hardly your responsibility,” the woman—Kylie—said primly.

“She saved my life,” he pointed out. “Helping her however I can is the least I can do.”

Kylie pursed those too-big lips again, looking Lea up and down. “You know, Lea,” Kylie began, enunciating Lea’s name to a strange degree, “as a thank you for saving my boyfriend, why don’t I get you in touch with some people who can really help you bring out your inner beauty?” Kylie smiled. “With a good surgeon and tanning technician, you could have some serious potential. Some—well, a lot of—liposuction here, a nice tan there— Why don’t you let me show you how to make yourself prettier?”

Lea stared at her for several seconds, genuinely confused. Timothée, meanwhile, was standing beside them, flabbergasted and horrified at the exchange. 

“I don’t understand,” she finally said. “Do you think you’re prettier than I am?”

Kylie sneered. “Well, I am a supermodel, as you know.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Lea said. “And I honestly have no idea who you are.”

Kylie faltered, her expression falling slightly for reasons Lea couldn’t comprehend. “I don’t blame you for being upset that I’m gorgeous,” she said.

“I’m sure you look very good for your age,” Lea allowed.

“I’m two years younger than him!” Kylie snapped, jerking her chin at a very uncomfortable-looking Timothée. 

Lea blinked. In mermaid society, you never lied to people about their appearance. To tell someone your honest opinion of them is a sign of respect. “You’re two years younger than he is and you look like this and think you’re gorgeous? But… you’re not.”

“What?” Kylie demanded sharply. Timothée’s eyes flitted back and forth between the two women rapidly.

“You’re actually quite strange looking to me,” Lea informs Kylie simply. “Your skin reminds me of an orange starfish in coloring, and you look old enough to be my mother. I’ve seen women of all shapes and sizes, but I’ve never seen a woman with a body like yours. It’s all wrong, like something’s off about you. Your waist is so small it looks wrong. You don’t look… I don’t know how to put it.” Lea paused, considering. “You don’t look real. You look like a doll made from plastic. Your lips look like they got stung by a jellyfish, and your butt looks like it’s been inflated. Plus your face is frozen, almost, like you can’t move it,” she explained. Then, she smiled. It was always good to be honest about the traits—both physical and otherwise—of another mermaid, so how could it be any different with humans? “Now you know,” she added.

Kylie’s expression was still stilted, but there was fury in her eyes. “I see,” she said with a sneer. “Well, at least I’m not fat.”

Lea blinked. “Oh, you’re insulting me,” she observed. “Now I understand. You’re being mean.” She tilted her head to the side. “But I don’t understand why. How odd.” She turned to Timothée, who looked horrified beyond all measure. “Is she usually mean?”

“She’s— well, I—“ he sputtered.

“Quiet, Timothée,” Kylie snapped. Timothée shut his mouth obediently, and Lea frowned. Her sister and her mate—who was a mermaid—never behaved like this with one another. Was it typical with humans?

“You are strange,” Lea decided after a moment.

“You—“ Kylie started to hiss.

“She is the reason I’m standing here,” Timothée finally interjected. “Lea, I know you’re unused to… normal customs,” he began with careful wording, “but for future reference, it’s usually best not to make critical comments on another person’s appearance.” He looked at Kylie again. “And stop underhandedly insulting Lea. You have her to thank for still having a boyfriend at all.”

Kylie bristled, her jellyfish sting-looking lips pursed, but nodded.

“Oh,” Lea said after a moment. “I’m sorry, Kylie,” she said sincerely. “Where I come from, it’s considered respectful to be honest about the way someone else looks.”

“Honest?” Kylie growled.

“Lea,” Timothée sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“What, what’d I say?”

Lea came up from the villa’s pool, spitting and coughing. “What,” she gagged, “is that?”

“What do you mean?” asked Timothée, who was—in Lea’s opinion, because she significantly was better at it—pathetically treading water.

“It’s not water.”

“How is it not water?” Timothée said, exasperated.

“It— it smells wrong, it tastes wrong—“

“Why are you breathing in the pool?” he laughed.

“I breathe when I swim, I don’t think about it,” Lea said, frustrated. “That’s even weirder than the stuff that comes out of those faucet-things. Why would you want anything but salt in your water?”

Timothée just laughed and dunked his head under the so-called water. 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Lea—“

“No!” Lea said again. “I am not getting on that metal bird-monster you call a rareplane—“

“It’s an airplane,” Timothée corrected. “And it will take us to the other side of the country, which is where I live—“

“I can swim there just fine,” she said immediately.

“Kylie is letting me use her jet to take you there—very begrudgingly, I might add; she is not happy about me living with another woman—so would you please cooperate?”

“I’m meant to be in the ocean, not the sky,” she muttered as she climbed the ladder. At least she could walk well enough now. “It’s against the Goddess, I’m certain of it.”

“Of course it is,” Timothée said indulgently.

“Is this a house or a palace?” Lea wanted to know, looking up at Timothée’s estate.

“A house,” he said defensively. “Let me show you around. C’mon.” They went inside the—in Lea’s opinion—ridiculously large building, and Timothée gestured to the right. “Kitchen and dining room. A living room is on the left.” They went down a flight of stairs. “Here’s another one. Movie room is over there.” He pointed to the other side of the room.

“Can we watch one of yours?”

“Nope,” he said immediately, hastily continuing. “My room’s that way—“ he gestured to their right— “and down the hallway. Any time you need anything, just let me know.” He continued down a hallway in front of them, gesturing as he went. “Laundry room, but the maid’ll take care of that.” He reached the end of the hallway. “Second staircase is over there. And this—“ he opened a door— “is your room.” He stepped inside, and she followed him slowly, hesitantly. “It’s the biggest one, except for mine. And there’s a door outside, in case you wanna run to the ocean or something. Do your mermaid stuff, I dunno.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly before gesturing down a hallway on one end of the room. “Closet through that door, bathroom through that one. If you’re not sure how to work something or where something is, again just let me know.”

“There’s one of those screens,” Lea observed.

“Uh huh, yeah, a TV,” Timothée confirmed with a nod. “Got whatever streaming service you want. You remember how it works?” He smiled when Lea nodded in response.

“Now,” Lea decided, going towards the wraparound bench below a similar window, the ocean visible and calling to her. “I think I’ll go stretch my fins— well, you know what I mean.”

“Oh, there’s a pool if you wanna—“

“One of those fake miniature oceans that has no salt and tastes like your weird human chemicals?” she snorted. “No thanks. I’ll stick to the real thing.” She rifled through her suitcase for one of those bikinis he got her.

“You’re, uh.” Timothée swallowed. “You’re gonna wear the blue Zimmermann bikini, huh?”

“The panties-type things on this one feel almost like I’m not wearing anything, which is what I do most of the time, so I prefer it,” Lea explained, unfastening the top of the swimsuit so she could put it on.

Timothée gaped at her. “W— what do you mean you prefer not to wear anything?”

“Your human panties feel weird on my new body parts, so I don’t wear them,” she explained, thinking nothing of it. 

Timothée looked down at her bare legs beneath the hem of her short floral dress. “You’re… you’re not wearing anything under that?” he asked, his voice a bit hoarse for reasons Lea couldn’t have guessed. 

“Well, the bra is similar enough to my wrappings that it’s not terribly uncomfortable, but the panties are just too weird. Anyway, I’m gonna change into this thing.” She held up the swimsuit. It was lower cut than most of her wrappings.

When Lea emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later in the swimsuit, her sizable breasts shoved into the top, Timothée gaped at her. 

“Huh,” Lea said, surprised at his presence. “What, are you gonna swim, too? Don’t make me save you again. I dunno if giving you my breath would work now that I don’t have my tail.”

“I— I— I’m gonna swim, yeah.” His gaze raked over her. “Yeah. Definitely gonna go swimming with you.”

“I still think you secretly eat humans,” Lea decided after seeing the way he was looking at her.

“I do not eat humans.” Then, under his breath, he added, “At least, not like that.”

“Huh?” Lea said as she made her way out the set of double doors in her bedroom that led to the patio near the beach. “Sorry, didn’t hear you.”

“Nothing,” he said hastily. “Nothing at all.”

Big thanks to my beta @lilmaymayy

Tag list:

@ellamaianderson @shika1200 @blackqueenstarseed1 @gatoenlaciudad @esmaada @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @softhecreator @timolaurence @timmymyluv @oddlyenoughiamweird @leecrunchybones @s-we-e-t-t-ea @almostg @leespparker @bubblebuttwade @glizzymcguirex @starberry-cake @camille-1019 @lixzey @shycreationdreamland @gossamer19

To be added, please ask 💗

[grossdyke]

"Damn it, Neil. The name is Nuwanda."

I want to talk about the queer coded symbolism and mise-en-scene in Dead Poets Society, and now you're probably thinking 'yes we all ship neil and todd' and yes that's true, but not what i mean.

Nuwanda is a trans woman! Let's get into it.

(i apogolize if my use of pronouns are confusing. i refer to nuwanda as he/him when he's at welton because the boy atmosphere and his part in that creates such a deep meaning to his experience as a person slowly figuring out through poetry that he might be a trans woman. especially in this tight knit friend group consisting of "boys with emotions". that's why i use she/her pronouns when talking about her getting closer and closer to figuring herself out) (also this is my own interpretation of the film so i can do what i want)

First off! When Charlie announces that he's changing his name to Nuwanda, no one questions him. The laddies adapt to it immediately and start calling him Nuwanda, for the simple reason that he asked them to.

Second, Nuwanda invited two girls to the cave and literally all he did was borrow their lipstick and change his name? Nuwanda said he wanted to learn about and read poetry because he 'wanted to make women swoon' but in reality he was a woman who gravitated towards learning about femininity, wanting to compensate for the fact that he actually identifies with womanhood.

For a character saying he wanted to woo women, he shows absolutely no interest in women what so ever. I genuinely think the writing shows such a complex relationship between gender and internalised transphobia/compulsory heterosexuality.

(I personally do believe that Nuwanda is heterosexual, but i believe he's a heterosexual trans woman and he's in the process of figuring that out through poetry and that's so beautiful!!!!)

All the boys hate Welton and they continuously joke about getting themselves expelled, but no one actually means it. Nuwanda was the only one actually risking his place at Welton and he did it writing an article saying that women should be accepted into welton. He risked his place at Welton and for what? Because 'he wanted a girlfriend'?

No! He was the only one who actually risked his place at Welton because he doesn't belong but he desperately wants to, and if women were to be accepted into Welton, Nuwanda will be too. He would rather get expelled, and did in the end, because that's a woman trying to save her own fucking life. Nuwanda really said 'accept women into Welton or i walk'.

There's also a scene where they're all in class, just walking around, literally, on Professor Keating demands, and it holds so much power for the reading of Nuwanda being a trans woman. Professor Keating says they all need to 'walk their own path' and to not follow the paths already made. Everyone starts walking and they all do it differently, except for Nuwanda. Nuwanda stays behind and says "I'm exercising my right not to walk" and Professor Keating looks at him proudly.

All the boys start walking whereas Nuwanda stays behind, distancing himself from making his own path as a man. Nuwanda was exercising his right not to participate in walking through life as a man. it's such a wonderful wonderful wonderful scene and i love her so much.

There's also the way Nuwanda dresses. Nuwanda starts changing his style throughout the film and you cannot tell me he conforms to the societal norms of a boy his age, at welton, meant to get into an ivy league school after graduation. He's slowly experimenting with his gender expression throughout the film, being fascinated by lipstick, changing his hair, trying on different hats, etc. It' so subtle but at the same time it's so big.

There's also the scene where Nuwanda gets punished by the headmaster. The punishment is a spanking and he has to lean over the headmasters desk and pull down his pants, and the headmaster is behind him. There's a clear power imbalance between the headmaster and Nuwanda, almost as if Nuwanda is the woman in that scene while a man abuses him the way he would abuse a woman. The punishment is inherently a feminization of his character, making him lean over and strip him off his power and being at the mercy of a man. The scene draws from female trauma and the power of men, while projecting it onto Nuwanda's character, creating more symbolism as to why Nuwanda is a trans woman.

Another scene, the coach comes into the changing rooms and yells:

"Let's go boys, hussle up in here! That means you Dalton!"

Dalton, Nuwanda, is standing in front of the mirror and combing his hair. None of the other boys do, they all tussle and fix their hair with their hands and then they're good. Nuwanda cares about how he looks and the coach is telling him, specifically, that he needs to man up.

These are the main reasons i believe Nuwanda left Welton and finally could start living her life as a woman. Especially considering the end of the film, Neils fate and how it represents the importance of being yourself and finding your own voice. There's so much in the subtext that indicate a queer and/or trans reading of the film. In the mise-en-scene, in the manuscript, symbolism, etc.

(Image of Nuwanda, showing his chest covered in lipstick, a feminine gender expression. He's removing his tie, which literally ties him to the man people want him to be.)

[rametarin]

I hate Woke because it's propaganda. You hate Woke because you said slurs once and were told to stop.

Every time these charlatans on youtube try to Ben Shapiro it up, they do the hard-left's job for them by making criticism of the hard-left look inherently fundamentalist religious conservative, or crypto white supremacist. Which they then take advantage of to roll their eyes and go "this is how they all are" to people criticizing Wokeness as just seeing them in every decision to feature a brown person or hagard woman in a commanding position.

In particular, I've been seeing a video float around about a dude complaining about the Imperial Guard featuring women, and in particular, women that aren't white. In more particular, as a commanding officer.

My dude. My guy. Pick your battles, bro. Shut up. This is NOT the hill to die on. This is not the fight you want to be having.

While yes, it is on their agenda to try and make unattractive women as the "sexy" protagonists in a weird purist redistributionists way to make less than "ideal" beauties be "the hot character," to "lower society's expectations of femininity," or whatever they're railing on this week in academia, that is not always what's going down when you see a hagard professional woman in a position of authority.

While yes, the imperium of man in WH40K is a despotic hellhole and it does unironically have a eurosupremacist bias and in the greater imperium, the population has had that for tens of thousands of years, it also has incredible amounts of immigration and inductment across the Imperium from literally hundreds of millions of planets. And yes, some of those planets are.... Planets of Color (tm). And if they didn't start that way, by probability and circumstance, they ended that way.

In fact, some of those planets ended up similar to how Australia's Aboriginals didn't start out black (they began as Asian, actually) but tens of thousands of years of natural selection and exposure to their environment shaped them, and now many people mistake Australian Aboriginals for black. And THEY weren't even a culture and population shaped by the Warp. Abhumans and even mutant human populations exist in WH40K that have transcended what they used to be, whether they were white, Asian, or black. They may've started Middle Eastern, but there's one planet where they'll look like Djinn, now. It is MORE than reasonable that the Imperial Guard is the most diverse instittution in the Imperium.

And the Imperial Guard have always been gender integrated. Always. Man, woman, you are meat for the grinder. This is in fact part of the horror of the Imperial Guard, and how the Imperium handles war, and how grim and desperate they are in the fact of endless hordes of aliens and supernatural antagonists that roll 1d20 and kill entire armies per success. While yes, it is a tool of theirs to take Minority Type Here and elevate them to a position of power in order to make a lousy statement, that does not mean legitimate and genuine characters cannot be in those positions, and it be a genuine intent to just have it be normal.

And for fucks sake, geneseed DOES NOT RACECHANGE YOU TO LOOK LIKE THE PRIMARCH. Vulcan's geneseed making you darker is not fucking blackface. You don't become a ripped blonde Chad by becoming an Ulramarine, though you may become a ripped Chad.

You are seeing false positives in Space Marine 2. Stand down, stop grasping at straws. All you do when you try to find Wokeness in every possible instance is allowing them to put you under a magnifying glass and go, "SEE HOW RIDICULOUS THIS ONE GUY IS!? THIS IS HOW ALL WH40K FANS REALLY ARE! The fandom is SO full of fascists and white supremacists!"

You know, like they've been doing since that one singular Spanish asshole showed up thinking he was clever with his minis painted and stylized like Nazis, and his uniform that way too. They haven't shut up about how even a minority of WH40K players are "unironic fascists" ever since.

And people bitching about how having an Indian woman as a commanding officer position is somehow wokeness aren't helping.

[oswincoleman]

Key moments of Jenna Coleman's interview for The Italian Reve magazine

When we Zoomed, she wanted to know where I was calling her from, she wanted to know how my colleagues were doing, she was curious about me and about us. At that point, when Jenna showed genuine interest in the scraped white wall and green leaves on my background, and revealed a glimpse of her living room in her house, her happy place, I realized she is one of the most down-to-earth entertainment industry people I’ve talked to, so far. Perhaps, one of the most down-to-earth women I’ve talked to, as well.

Like her character in the latest project she’s starred in, the TV series “Wilderness” where she plays a control-freak, vindictive wife living in a constantly heightened reality, where she needs to be the perfect female counterpart to her dominating male partner. Or at least she thought she needed to. When Jenna wondered out loud, “What even is perfection?”, and I found I couldn’t answer to that question and, at the same time, I didn’t care to know, I realized that maybe things are really changing, like she said, especially for women and women in cinema. Starting from me, starting from her and the new generation of actors and young people in general whom we both look up to.

What I found is that each role brings its own challenges. In “Wilderness”, for example, my character is in such a held, heightened state of immense anxiety and pressure, so to hold that over the course of the three/four months of shooting, to keep that heightened energy was a challenge. I found that on “Wilderness” there was such an intensity because the whole show is based on a mechanism for which you have something bad that happens and the next one gets worse and worse. To keep Liv, my character, in that suspended state for so long was incredibly challenging.

 I did have empathy for her [Liv] and I understood her and I thought that what was so interesting was that it feels like a very “coming-of-woman story”. She’s someone who doesn’t really know herself or isn’t listening to herself, and is co-dependent, unsure, she will bend herself to what society expects of her, the life she thinks that she should be living.

For me, along the line of the six episodes, it became a very primal story of her reclaiming her voice, and herself, and her boundaries, and I think that, especially for my generation, these themes have become very common, formative and primal. It is a kind of “Woman hear me roar” story, the journey that she goes on, but she needs to go to the darkest depths to be able to get out the other side. All of that was really well done in the script, but obviously the challenge, which is absolutely mental about the series, is how you’re asking the audience to empathize and side with a character who does things that are very morally wrong. It’s interesting to try and get the audience on that journey, and that was one of the biggest challenges for me and the only way to do that is to try and get the audience to understand that: that’s one of the hardest things about the show.

You know, I took a beat after “The Serpent” and went into playing these angry roles [laughs], it’s interesting, looking back. I did a film called “Klokkenluider” which was so much fun, a real departure, where I play a really foul-mouth journalist who has these amazing speeches, and that was really fun, as well as “Sandman”; with Liv, it was great because it was all about the intensity of the time on set, and being in all of the time, your instincts take over, in a way, and you’re not as conscious, your creative flow is happening, and you’re in contemplation and let the other things happen and explore as an actor. With So and all the other directors I’ve worked with, it was was great, and I realized I can dip in, as long as I do the prep and the work. It was an incredibly emotionally exhausting part, but I have the confidence now to know myself enough, I have the ability to dip in and out, I feel like I know that as long as I do the work, the emotional range is all there and I know how to access it a lot better now.

Liv is in every scene in the series, I only went to Comic-Con for a few days, so I got three days off in the entire show. I remember we were shooting this bit where she goes to Las Vegas and falls in a sort of psychedelic trauma, she is hollowed out from the inside out, raw, broken, almost at the point of madness, and after that we went to Comic-Con, in the middle of it all, and that made me feel like I was literally the character [laughs]. The piece is very primitive and very visceral, there’s something so primal about the journey that Olivia goes on, she’s like a phoenix in the ashes. She’s driven to the point of madness, and there’s something Shakespearean and animalistic about it: it’s not only a cat and mouse dynamic between the husband and the wife, nor the phycological dynamics, but when someone’s pushed to such a point of emotional distress, the animal comes out and I think that staying in that state over the three/four months of shooting and the journey that she goes on is just fucking wild, basically. It was fun.

At the moment, there’s this common theme of murderers, I don’t know where it’s coming from, so I’d say let’s be done with the murdering [laughs]. I got offered another murderer role after this and I had to say no because I thought, “What is happening?”. What I’ve realized is that my characters in “The Cry”, “The Serpent” and “Wilderness” have all been in a very emotionally held, hidden kind of state, in a way; but I’ve recently watched “To Leslie” with Andrea Riseborough which I thought was phenomenal, or if I think about Victoria, they’re free, emotionally, so I’d definitely like to play something emotionally more volatile next! [laughs]

You’re biggest act of rebellion? Honestly, probably finding a way to say no to things. You’re biggest fear? I’m not a fan of spiders [laughs]. But my biggest fear is time. What does it mean to you to feel comfortable in your own skin? It means not to be shy, not to hide, not to be afraid to be seen. What’s your happy place? My happy place is home, with my partner, with a book, calm, with a fire.

From:

[lesbiansanemi]

I know you said you will spare everyone from your essays, but I kind of want to read them (specifically the demon slayer ships that are popular [giyuushino,obamitsu,zenezu,tankana, etc])

Obviously, you don't have to write the essays, but if you were to write them, I would be the first one to read /nf

☀️🌻

Oh yeah! Sure! I'll take any excuse to get up on my soap box lmao

I want to preface this, as the ships you've specifically listed are popular m/f pairings among the fandom, and three of which are actually canon, that I am very picky with m/f ships. I don't dislike them by virtue of being m/f, but it does take an extremely interesting dynamic to get me to like them, and for them not to feel like people are just smashing the characters together because they're a guy and a girl and they should be together literally just because... they're a guy and a girl.

I'll start with Obamitsu and Tankana as I'm a lot less critical of them than Zennezu and Giyuushino

To be honest, I don't actually dislike Obamitsu. I just... don't really care about it, and I find that most people who ship it don't seem to care about any of the more interesting or nuanced aspects of it. They get boiled down to "mean angry man is only soft for his sweet bubbly gf" which is... not a trope I'm super fond of. I think there's a lot of interesting aspects to explore with the ship, like the angle of Mitsuri initially wanting a stereotypical masculine man to take care of her and provide for her, eventually falling in love with a physically smaller and weaker man who doesn't know how to function in society at large, leaving her the much more "competent" of the two, forcing her to examine gender roles and her own internalized sexism as well as her supposed preferences. There's also Obanai's fear and trauma regarding women, and the fact that Mitsuri is about as stereotypically feminine as you can get. I think these are somewhat interesting things to explore, but most people (and the manga itself) never explored these things and wanted to paint them as a very straight forward cutesy (and tragic, but only in the sense that they both die young) romance like "look! Obanai can be nice and soft sometimes! And Mitsuri fell in love like she wanted!" with nothing else. The relationship makes sense to me, writing wise and why people would enjoy it, but ultimately does not do enough to make me genuinely care about it beyond going "yeah it's okay I guess." All this being said, it becomes a lot more fascinating if you add the angle of transfem Obanai, or add Shinobu for Obashinomitsu, but obviously this is not canon nor what ppl want or expect with the ship at large

Tankana is kind of similar in the sense that I just find it really boring. Kanao is a very layered and fascinating character to me. Given her childhood and trauma, I get why she would latch onto Tanjiro and admire him in the way that she did. She was a character who never experienced kindness or even being treated as a human being until Shinobu and Kanae found her. To be honest, I think her relationship with the Kocho sisters is incredibly complicated, and immediately being entranced in the Corps lifestyle also affected her in an extreme way. To meet someone like Tanjiro, who is so unabashedly kind and genuine and immediately sees her as a person with agency (not that the Kocho sisters didn't do this, but that Kanao has had more time to adjust and process her trauma by the time she met Tanjiro so he's more... separate, in a way), like I said, it makes sense to me that she would latch onto him.

So it makes sense, and I don't hate that they became canon, but again, it's just a bit boring to me. I also personally think that Kanao and Nezuko's storylines and personalities compliment each other a lot more from a writing perspective, so I much prefer Nezukana. So yeah, it's a ship that makes some sense to me, I can understand why people like it, but I don't care about lol. And it does have a little bit of the "they get together because they're a boy and girl omg" angle, though it is a little less egregious than some.

And oh boy alright here we go

So Zennezu. The ship's only basis in Zenitsu's overplayed crush on Nezuko. I already don't like ships like that, where the whole thing is "one of the characters has a crush on the other for shallow, usually physical, reasons the entire series and the other character never acknowledges it/returns it until suddenly they do at the end of the series." Like, imo, that's one of the laziest ways to write a romance ever, and also just feels very unrealistic. Maybe that's the aroace in me, but "crushes" portrayed like that are just not realistic or compelling to me.

Beyond that, I think the ship kind of negates a lot of Zenitsu's character arc and development. He ended up in the situations he did because of his obsessions with women and wanting a wife, and a lot of him needing to learn to live and do things for himself, not because he wants the stereotypical image of a wife, and not letting his anxieties control him. Instead of getting that development, seeing him settle down with Nezuko at the end of the chapter feels... idk, out of place? Odd? I can't think of the right word, but just for a character development perspective it just doesn't make sense to me. Also. Nezuko deserves better lol

And for Giyuushino.... Yeah. The epitome of "guy and girl get together because they're a guy and girl and stood in the same frame so that means they're canon." (Because no seriously, I would be less bitchy about this ship if the shippers could acknowledge it has no canonical substance or backing but so many of them fully act like it's based in some kind of canon feelings or implications)

I just truly don't understand what is so entertaining about two characters who work together, who, conceivably, if they were ever going to even be friendly with each other, would have done it already. One of their few interactions is Shinobu telling Giyuu how much everyone hates him, and also Giyuu really never gives an indication whatsoever that he wanted to be close with Shinobu. He treated her the same as he treated all the other Hashira

Also Shinobu is a lesbian and anyone who disagrees just fundamentally don't understand her sorry not sorry she hates men

But yeah! That's the gist of it! Idk, I just tend to really dislike popular m/f ships as I hate the way ppl as a whole approach m/f shipping and the dynamics they go for for it. So much of it is "mean and/or emotionally stunted guy really likes girl and she fixes him and also we'll ignore a lot of the female character's nuances and flaws" but. You know.

[wmnylander]

it makes me so happy when i see someone feel comfortable going about their day just normal and barefaced. it also bugged me when i was younger especially bc i literally couldn’t wear foundation or anything bc of atopic dermatitis (i’d either have basically open wounds on my face or it would start flaking after i took of foundation) and it was a bit of a struggle but wearing makeup now is unimaginable. i love seeing other women do the same thing especially when society and even so many other women put so much pressure on it, which i understand. like magazines and social media messed up people’s perspectives but it does make me a bit upset and mad when other women (or female presenting people) perpetuate those beauty standards (to be clear not all women who wear makeup bc some are aware of these things and they genuinely enjoy doing their makeup, i’m talking about women who put down women that don’t wear makeup and make them seem like weirdos) or even go under the knife instead of working on their insecurities, like especially if they decide to have kids at some point….sorry this turned into a bit of a rant but i’m so happy you’re comfortable being yourself and with your face, i think more people should do the same

hello my sweet ! sorry that this was sitting in my inbox for two days but i wanted to digest it & give it the time it deserves because i am soooo grateful that you took time out to write this.

firstly, i hope you’re doing well & that your skin is being kind to you — it can seem like something so minor to someone who has never experienced a skin issue but it can feel so large & draining when you’re dealing with it so i hope everything is all good !

when i was younger, i used to scoff at the idea that women only wore makeup to appeal to society but looking back now, it’s something i can truly say has substance to it. it took me a long time to realise that the only reason i was wearing makeup was because friends were, or i was seeing people online wearing makeup and i felt like it was something i had to do to solidify my identity. i agree with you in the sense that a lot of people, especially young women, enjoy makeup for what it is without the societal pressure & i can total get on board with it — i wear a little bit of makeup sometimes when i’m going out or if i know i’m going to be at a family event but now, it’s about enhancing what i already love. it used to be about masking what i hated so i’m grateful my brain has given me that realisation.

i really do hope that there’s a time in every person’s life where they can look in the mirror and be in love with what they see. i think that’s truly where you see the weirdos shine because they always seem so insecure in themselves that they feel the need to put others down. i don’t know how anyone has the energy, honestly. it sounds so cheesy but we only get one body and if we spend so much energy hating it or if we let others tell us what we should be doing, we’ll never get anywhere.

[nahalism]

Yeah I am possessive and I’m don’t really care to admit it. If I want to love just one person and be committed to them why aren’t I entitled to the same treatment? If someone wouldn’t be ready to give me what I’m looking for I’d just leave I wouldn’t start making demands of them to change clearly that’s just not them.

I do see your point when you said that we have parents, children and friends that we can all love at the same time but even amongst all those people you will only form meaningful and close bonds with a few. I’m the kind of person who believes that you don’t need romantic love in life in order to be happy, society has just brainwashed us especially women go think that romance is the ultimate goal/purpose on earth and that without it life is meaningless, I don’t get attached to people I know that for most they won’t be staying in my life for long.

I do find the idea of staying with someone that has feelings for someone else strange because clearly they’re not all in with me, how come I managed to not get feelings for someone else? And yeah they’re them and I’m me but they’re not offering what I want anymore, isn’t it fair for me to live my truth and not settle for anything less? Also I wouldn’t want to hold them back, I would simply remove myself very fast. Maybe I stay with them now but then they catch feelings for someone else again what’s the point in that? Having to worry about my significant other falling for someone else? And yeah ok let’s say they genuinely love me too, here’s my favourite question: so what? Like falling in love with someone else isn’t something easy (at least to me) it’s the kind of thing that takes time and proximity so 9/10 the significant other was probably entertaining some shady shit, let’s not be naive here. Honestly romantic love is the most fickle kind of love, it’s truly overhyped, maybe I’m the one who’s unlucky in love but sometimes I truly do not see the point in it idk. I do have a transactional way of viewing most things so again I very aware of my own biases, maybe one day I’ll fall in love with two people and have to eat my own words that would be very funny, I’d laugh and remember this conversation lmao.

loool that would b funny. but equally your completely entitled to desire what you desire so if thats monogamy and mutual possessiveness go for it, and i know for a fact you'll find it and build something beautiful within it!! <3

cause ur on anon im empowered to give my unsolicited opinion lmao, — all ill say is i sense a slight avoidance thing going on here. you may genuinely want monogamy which is absolutely fine and reasonable to want, but i feel like someone (single or multiple) rly let u down & affected your faith in other people or willingness to trust/open up. & if that is the case i just wanna sayyy there are a lot of gooood people in this world. some of whom might disappoint you despite their best intentions, & some of whom may do things or feel a way about the world/people in it that diverges from what you feel and as such challenges your sense of security & safety in your relationship with them.

if you know in your heart that person loves you and didnt intend to cause you harm, it is still worth staying, repairing the relationship and loving/giving the best of yourself to them. not for them, but for you. because 1) conflict resolution is key 2 monogamy. & 2 but really 1) love and connection is human nature. denying love as a form of protection is a double loss. first loss: love & second loss: to the people who hurt u and jaded ur heart.

if im wrong ignore my opinion & just take my love instead and good wishes over you instead🌞. come back to msg me when u find ur love, & pass une bonne journeeeee 💋

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 17

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 17

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3300 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost…

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9   Part 10   Part 11   Part 12   Part 13   Part 14   Part 15  Part 16

Part 17

Billy couldn’t stop gawking at you, wondering how it was possible you grew more beautiful each time he saw you. The red wrap dress you were wearing accentuated all your curves, and it took every bit of willpower he had not to rip it off of you and fuck you senseless right then and there. Unfortunately, he had to behave himself. Caravan was a pretty bouji place that had recently been labelled as one of the hottest restaurants in Manhattan and he had to pull a few strings to get a last-minute reservation for tonight. But seeing the smile on your face when you realized this was where you were dining had been completely worth all the hassle.

As the hostess guided the two of you to your table, he noticed a few assholes at the bar admiring you from afar. Immediately he snaked his arm around your waist to draw you in closer. You were his. If he could he’d pluck out every one of those fuckers’ eyes so they never made the mistake of looking at you again. Better yet, he’d keep you locked behind closed doors. Of course you wouldn’t agree to anything like that because you were too goddamn independent for your own good.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, taking a seat at your designated table.

Billy’s attention returned to your face as he followed suit, his gaze inhaling you in. “You look too hot. Too many assholes staring at you,” he grumbled.

The worried look on your face was replaced with a beaming smile, one that made his cock twitch.

“You’re being ridiculous” you remarked, scanning the menu.

His eyes drifted down to your chest, the swell of your soft, supple breasts just begging to be kissed and licked by him.

“Stop staring at my boobs, Billy,” you chastised even as a small smile graced your lips. “This is a proper first date. You can’t just ogle me like that. You have to behave like a gentleman.”

He quirked his eyebrow. “Sweetheart, I’ve never been that.”

“Well, try,” you ordered.

The waitress came by with the bottle of red wine you’d requested and poured some in both of your glasses. He noticed the redhead giving him a friendly smile, her green eyes lingering on him for a second too long. Fine, yeah, she may have been hot but she wasn’t you. No one was. So while he would have happily slipped her his number in the past, now the idea of being with someone who wasn’t you no longer excited him.

Once she left, he took the opportunity to move a few inches closer to you. What he really wanted was to get on his knees and bury his head between your legs, but something told him eating you out in in the crowded restaurant wouldn’t go over very well with you.

“I think she likes you.”

Hand propped on the back of your chair, he started playing with your hair. “Who?”

“Our waitress. She didn’t look at me once, her eyes were on you the entire time.”

He leaned in, ecstatic at the thought of you acting possessive. Even though you’d confessed to having feelings for him, Billy still worried you were ready to bolt at any moment. To see you jealous meant you genuinely cared and he didn’t have to worry about you leaving him. “She’s not my type. I have my eyes on someone else.”

You made a show of looking around the restaurant. “Oh, is Madani here too?”

“Funny,” he retorted, taking your hand in his.

“Your ginger’s lucky. I’m dressed way too nice or I’d take my knife and stab her with it.”

He smirked. “You’re vicious when you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous. I just don’t like bad service.”

“Bullshit.”

“Billy, you’re hot. You know that. All the women here are checking you out. If I freaked out every time someone did that, I’d have a breakdown.”

He wanted to destroy the fucking world at the thought of someone even looking at you but apparently you were simply ambivalent about him. “So it’s that easy for you? Your brain tells you to turn off a feeling and your heart just does it?” Even to his own ears he sounded bitter. “Guess you’re not all that invested in me.”

Your eyebrow quirked up, apparently surprised by his edgy tone. “Do you want me to go nuts?”

“Just want you to give a damn.”

“You think I don’t?” you snapped. “Every time she looks at you I want to tear her hair out. Even though the rational part of me knows she’s probably just flirting with you because it’s part of her job or she’s hoping for big tips. Or maybe she really does want to fuck you. Either way, I want to punch her across the face. Happy?” You gulped down your wine.

Grinning, he squeezed your hand. “Then why not just tell me that? Why act like you don’t care?”

The agitated expression on your face was replaced with tenderness, your eyes soft. “Just because I don’t have a jealous fit doesn’t mean I don’t care. I just…” You exhaled a sigh, and he sensed this was difficult for you. “I express my emotions differently than you.”

“I noticed. You put on an act while holding everything in.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“But I want you, the real you, not the version everyone else sees.”

“It’s not that easy, Billy.”

He brought your palm to his lips. “I’d never told anyone about my mother.”

“You didn’t tell me either,” you pointed out.

“You found out anyway, and I’m so fucking glad you did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have realized I could be real with you.” He placed a tender kiss on your skin. “I don’t want to hide anything from you, Y/N.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Then tell me about William Rawlins.”

Your request gave him pause, his eyes roaming over your face. He’d taken painstaking measures to keep his partnership with Rawlins a secret yet you’d discovered it. “What do you want to know?”

“He gave you a lot of money.”

“I earned that money,” he said in a defensive tone. “He and I were partners for a while. Then he died.”

“You went to a lot of trouble to hide your connection to him.”

“You found out about it though.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “I’m good at what I do.”

“Yeah, too good,” he muttered. He released your hand, watching you intently. “So what do you want to know?”

You leaned in closer, your voice barely above a whisper. He was momentarily distracted by the sensation of your tits pressed against him but he forced himself to concentrate.

“What happened to Rawlins, did you have anything to do with it?”

Billy took a swig of his wine. “Why do you think that?”

You quirked your eyebrow at him. “Knifed by someone in the parking lot. They never found the guy who did it.”

“He had a lot of enemies,” he pointed out.

“Okay, so maybe I was wrong.”

He studied you for several seconds, trying to decide if he should take the leap or not. “You’re not wrong.”

Realization dawned on your face as the truth set in. “Why did you do it?”

“You sure you want to know?”

“I’m asking, aren’t I?”

So he told you, about Operation Cerberus, his role in it and the money he earned, how he’d eliminated Rawlins a year ago when the prick plotted to take out Frank and his family. To this day Frank didn’t know about Billy’s partnership with Rawlins or how close he came to dying and he intended to keep it that way.

Throughout his confession his eyes were glued to your face, gauging your reactions. The part of him determined to do anything to be a success, the one who didn’t let society’s morals get in the way of his ambitions, would never be accepted by his closest friends. Despite the myriad of reasons to have kept that side of himself hidden, he didn’t want to do that with you. Because as risky as it was to be so open with you, it was also exhilarating. There was no one in this world he’d ever been this honest with and that kind of intense connection with you was addictive. He wanted you to know everything about him, all of the dark and vicious thoughts that ran through his head, the burning ambition that kept pushing him forward. He wanted you to know him inside and out and he wanted the same from you.

Before he could prod you to speak your mind the server came by with your dishes, setting your meals on the table. The redhead took her time, all the whilst your gaze was focused on the table, avoiding his. Billy’s heart started to pound in his chest, he was suddenly filled with doubt. Had he made a mistake in telling you the truth? Did he just completely fuck this up? Every second the goddamn redhead lingered at the table felt like an eternity when all he wanted was to shake you out of your stupor.

The second the server left, he moved in on you. “Are you gonna say something?”

You finally looked at him, your forehead burrowed. “We need to do a better job of hiding your history with Rawlins. I found it, that means someone else can too.”

“You gonna help me with that?”

You shook your head ‘yes’. “Yeah, I have to. You need me.”

“What I did doesn’t bother you?”

You exhaled a heavy sigh. “Of course it does, but there’s nothing I can do about it. You’ve seen me at my worst and you didn’t judge me. I won’t do that to you either. Besides, when the universe deals you a shitty hand you’ve got to find other ways to even out your odds.”

A strange feeling of warmth flooded over him, compelling him to angle forward and kiss you on the lips.

You pulled away a second later, smiling at him as you rubbed the corner of his mouth. “This lipstick isn’t kiss-proof.”

“I don’t care.” Wicked visions of you flashed through his mind. Your bold red lips wrapped around his cock, sucking him off the way he liked it. His cum spread over your tits, your neck, your lips. The taste of your sweet, delicious cunt on his tongue as he fucked you with his mouth. The heat of your tongue against his as he rammed into you over and over-

“Stop looking at me like that,” you warned.

“Then stop looking so hot,” he snarked.

You smiled, biting down on your bottom lip.

It blew his mind how sweet and shy you were when he paid you compliments, like you didn’t expect that from him. Obviously he needed to fix that, because you deserved to know how insanely beautiful you were all the time.

“Has Anvil been okay without Rawlins?” you asked, taking a bite out of your butternut squash ravioli.

Swallowing his steak, he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “It was tough for a while but we’ve been doing pretty well the last few months.”

“You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished, Billy. You took a big risk going into business for yourself and you made it work. That’s amazing. I could never do that.”

Billy’s insides radiated with happiness. Other than Curtis and Frank he never really had people who genuinely believed in him so to have you cheering him on was exalting. Especially considering you were great at what you did and he had so much respect for you.

He poured himself and you more wine before reaching for your hand again. “I think you could. You’d make a shitload of money if you freelanced.”

You shook your head ‘no’. “No way, I’m too much of a coward to take a risk like that.” You took a sip of your wine. “Plus I get to go to Paris for work.”

“Or you could go to Paris on vacation and not work.”

“Then I’d have to pay for it,” you pointed out, grinning. “When you grow up the way I did, you learn to appreciate free things.”

Your enthusiasm was infectious, he couldn’t hep but smile back. A part of him was hoping this would be the perfect opening for you to talk more about your childhood, about everything you went through, because he desperately wanted you to trust him as much as he trusted you with his secrets.

“I’ll be there for two weeks,” you continued, oblivious to his disappointment. “We’re going to scout out locations for the new branch and-”

“We?” Billy interjected.

You cast him a quick glance. “Roger’s coming with me on the trip.”

The jealousy that struck him felt like a swift kick to his gut. Images of you and that goddamn bastard traipsing around and enjoying romantic date nights in Paris assaulted his mind. Agitated, he pulled his hand from yours. “I bet that fucker can’t wait to be alone with you.”

“Billy, come on. You can’t be serious.”

“How would you feel if I took off with someone who wanted to fuck me?”

“First of all, he doesn’t want me.”

His jaw clenched with frustration as he glared at you. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s thought about fucking you.”

“Even if he does, I don’t want him.” You reached out to cup his face, your voice so soft and tender in your attempts to placate him that he momentarily forgot how upset he was. “You really think I’d jeopardize what we have for a fling with Roger? I wouldn’t do that.”

“Then don’t go. Turn him down.”

Irritation flickered over your face, he could tell you were done coddling him. “Billy, you have no right to ask me that. I’d never interfere with your work.”

Underneath all that jealousy he knew you were right. As much as he despised the idea of you going away to Paris with another guy, he couldn’t demand that you not go on work trips. If you did that to him, it would annoy the fuck out of him. Yet despite his rational side recognizing he was asking for too much, he couldn’t help but feel bitter. “That asshole’s gonna make a move on you, I know it.”

“What if he does? What do you think is gonna happen?”

Hs eyes met yours, urgently seeking some kind of validation from you. “You tell me.”

“Do you think I’m going to sleep with him?”

He flinched. “Don’t talk about fucking another guy, please. You’re gonna make me lose my appetite.”

You took his hand and placed it over your left breast, probably to distract him from all the disgusting images that were running through his brain. “I wanted you so badly and even then it took me like a month to fuck you. Trust me, I’m not going to sleep with him when I’m not even attracted to him.”

Spotting the earnestness in your eyes, the knot in his stomach finally loosened. Roger may have had a hard-on for you but Billy knew you felt nothing for the fucker. He’d noticed that even at the night of the gala. So that meant he had to trust you, there was no reason not to. “Call me every night when you’re there,” he grumbled.

“Every night? You’re probably going to start blocking my calls,” you laughed.

He booped your nose. “Every. Fucking. Night.”

You beamed. “Fine.” A wicked glint flashed in your eyes, a seductive smile on your lips as you slowly moved his hand lower, his fingers now on your nipple. “Hey, just ‘cause you’re not there with me doesn’t mean we can’t have fun.”

He stroked your nipple over the fabric of your dress, enjoying how the nub hardened under his touch, the way your breath hitched in your throat when he continued his ministrations. With his other hand he tucked your hair behind your ear, whispering to you. “Phone sex is alright, but nothing beats this.” His tongue curved along the shell of your ear, and you trembled against him. “Right?”

The waitress seemed to come out of nowhere this time to ask how your meals were, and you jumped back. Disappointed, he sighed.

“Food was great. Thank you,” you replied, smiling stiffly at the redhead.

“Can I get you anything else?”

“Privacy would be great,” Billy muttered.                                                            

You kicked him under the table. “Dessert menu?”

“Sure. I’ll bring it right over,” the waitress said, taking your plates away.  

“I’ll give you all the sugar you want once we get outta here,” he murmured seductively, caressing your thigh.

You giggled, rolling your eyes. “That’s a terrible line!” You took his hand and removed it from your thigh. “Billy, I’m not sleeping with you tonight.”

“Why not?”                                                      

“Because it’s our first date and I don’t put out on the first date.”

“Now that’s a terrible line,” he fired back, mimicking your earlier tone.

“Also, we already had sex this morning.”

“So? I’m greedy. I can’t get enough of you.” There was that shy smile of yours again, and he reached out to give you a sweet peck on the cheek. “You blush every time I tease you.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, it’s adorable.”

Your cheeks grew even more red. “I’m not used to it from you. A part of me still thinks you’re bullshitting me.”

Billy stiffened. “Really?”

“I know you’re not playing me,” you reassured. “It’s on me, not you. I just have a hard time accepting when good things happen.”

The waitress came by with the dessert menu. He briefly glanced at it before ordering a slice of pecan pie while you ordered a piece of chocolate cake.

As soon as the redhead left, he broached the topic with you again. “I’m not gonna hurt you, babe. You have to believe that.”

You didn’t look at him, your eyes fixed somewhere on his chest. “I do. You were so pissed off at me last night. I honestly expected you to hit me because you were so angry. But you didn’t.”

It made him sick to his stomach that you actually thought him capable of hitting you. It hadn’t even occurred to him that you would worry about that, but of course you would. With your childhood it made perfect sense, he was just a fucking idiot who hadn’t realized how much it still impacted you. “I’m never gonna lay a hand on you. I swear.” His eyes locked with yours, hoping you can sense how much he meant those words.

“I believe you.”

His voice was insistent, his gaze boring into you. “Why did you think I would?”

Your eyes wavered from his eyes to his lips for a long time, the atmosphere thick with tension. Your facial expressions ran the gamut of painful emotions, from uncertainty to fear to sheer panic.

It finally sank in that maybe the reason you were keeping the truth from him had noting to do with if you trusted him or not. Maybe you didn’t want to be assaulted by memories from the past that caused you so much pain. The last thing he wanted was for you to experience that hell again. Regretting his demanding tone, his hands caressed down the length of your arms. “You don’t have to tell me, It’s okay.”

Your eyes brimmed with aching vulnerability as you looked up at him. “I want to… I just… give me some time, okay?” You pressed your lips against his, giving him the softest, sweetest kiss. “I’ve been looking forward to tonight for so long, I don’t want to ruin it, you know?”

His heart felt full, his mind reeling with wonderment at the thought of you truly reciprocating his feelings. His arms wrapped around you as you sank into him, burying your face in his chest. His fingers stroked the back of your hair, murmuring soft, soothing words to you. Somewhere in the distance he heard the server’s voice trying to interject, but he didn’t give a damn.  He was yours and you were his and nothing was going to ruin that. Nothing.

Part 18

A/N - I realize not much happened in this chapter but I just reallly wanted to write a dialogue heavy part where they simply get to know and enjoy each other. I think they’ve earned some fluff. LOL.

As always, thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Please let me know your thoughts.

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[beauty-and-passion]

Time to talk about the flower shirt

You read the title. Time to talk about this.

This is the infamous flower shirt Thomas put on in his store and, since the fandom is the fandom, everyone started to speculate about those flowers.

At first, I didn’t want to do it. They’re just flowers and other people already talked about them, so what could I possibly add to the conversation?

But while I was writing about Orange, I had to talk a moment about the orange flower. It was supposed to be a small parenthesis, just a couple of words about that.

But then I looked at the other flowers and what other people told/not told about them and how some didn’t find Patton’s flower... so here I am, adding my two cents to this theme.

You needed it? Probably not. Well, I’m writing it anyway.

So let’s take a closer look at those flowers and see each one in detail:

__________________________________

Roman: Red rose

Should I really explain why it’s perfect for Roman? Red roses are the universal symbol of love. Basically in all cultures red roses symbolize passion, true love, romance and desire. Also, according to this website, even the shade has a meaning! In fact, the deeper the red shade is, the stronger is the passion.

And even the number of red roses has a meaning! In this case, we have only one single red rose and that "represents love at first sight, or if it’s coming from a long-term partner, they are saying “you are still the one”.”

You know what that made me think? About Thomas telling Roman “You’re my hero”. A perfect symbol that he was “still the one” for Thomas.

__________________________________

Orange: Lantana camara

This is an incredibly peculiar flower.

Lantana Camara symbolizes severity and rigour. And this alone can be analyzed in all possible ways, but there are other interesting details about this plant I think it's worth mentioning.

Lantana is toxic for livestock, such as cattle, sheep, horses, dogs and goats. According to Wikipedia, previous studies suggested it could be toxic for humans too, especially the green unripe berries. However "other studies have found evidence which suggests that its fruit poses no risk to humans".

Lantana is a freaking invasive plant. In some areas, it's so predominant, to reduce biodiversity, because its presence "can significantly slow down the regeneration of forests, by preventing the growth of new trees". Also, as if this isn't enough, this plant can also produce toxic chemicals which inhibit other plant species.

Lantana has also a great adaptability, that helped it to be so invasive: it can live in a wide range of different environmental conditions, it can survive long periods without water, heck it's even resistant to fire. It's not a plant you can underestimate. Like Orange, I assume.

But Lantana isn't just an invasive plant. Lantana has always been used for medical purposes, because it showed good antimicrobial, fungicidal and insecticidal properties and its extract helps against respiratory infections and ulcers.

Also, since it doesn't have many pests or diseases, lantana became a common ornamental plant. It even attracts butterflies!

In other words: isn't that the perfect plant to symbolize the double nature of a dark side? It can be a threat, change the environment, destroy and even kill. But it can also be a medicine, something useful, something beautiful.

Whoever Orange is, Lantana camara tells us that, whithout a doubt, he’s a dark side.

__________________________________

Janus: Sunflower

Do you think Janus isn't perfect enough as he is? Do you think there's not enough husband material in the snek?

Well, you’re wrong and the sunflower is here to prove it.

Sunflower symbolizes loyalty, adoration, longevity, vitality, worship. Now add this up to the sunflower’s behaviour and how it follows the sun... and you’ll get Janus. Janus literally acts like a sunflower: Thomas is his sun and everything Janus does is for him. His whole existence is centered around Thomas.

But we already knew that, because it's the same message that shone through his playlist. Everything about Janus tells us how much he adores Thomas, from his canonical behavior in the series, to his playlist, to this flower.

Oh, do you need another proof that this is flower is perfect for Janus? Some societies use sunflowers as religious symbols. Ah, some good ol' reference to religion: it’s like being in his playlist all over again.

And, of course, sunflowers are used for a variety of reasons, like cooking oils, skin care and so on. Even the flower says self care.

This man is perfect.

__________________________________

Remus: Green chrysanthemum

Here's another interesting flower.

Chrysanthemum symbolizes death and it’s the typical flower used for funerals. And I thought this was its universal meaning. It was perfect for Remus just like that.

But then I found out that Europeans use chrysanthemums for funerals and to honor the dead. This flower actually has a whole lot of meanings, some completely different from this.

In China, for example, chrysanthemums are associated with wealth, prosperity and long life. Also they're symbols of new life and reincarnations, so they're the perfect gift for old people or newborns.

While in Japan chrysanthemums are symbols of power and royalty. And that's even more fitting for Remus, because he's a Duke, so he is royalty.

But chrysanthemum also symbolizes friendship - and not just "a friendship", but a meaningful one. It's a symbol of loyalty, devotion, romantic/platonic love and, in general, positive energy. It's a flower with an incredibly strong meaning, so it can't be given too lightly.

And this makes it even more perfect for Remus. It's a flower with a huge plurality of meanings, it's both associated with life and death, it's powerful and it's royalty.

Also, you can eat it. Isn't that the perfect Remus flower?

(On a side note: please notice how chrysanthemums and sunflowers are both associated with joy, loyalty and devotion. I would have never considered "joy" a common trait between Janus and Remus while loyalty and devotion... well, they both care about Thomas and his career and they both work for him despite not being accepted, so I can see why those are common traits.)

__________________________________

Patton: Nemophila

Surprise surprise, this flower wasn't easy to find. I’ve never heard of it, so I had to search among endless lists of blue flowers, hoping to find one that would perfectly match the one on the shirt.

And that’s how I found nemophila.

First of all: nemophila is also known as "Baby Blue Eyes" and it's an extremely rare color to find in nature. It’s very famous in Japan, thanks to the Hitachi Seaside Park. Open this link: it’s a literal sea of blue and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Of course, it attracts people every year.

Nemophila represents prosperity, congratulations on success and victory. Not the first things you would associate with Patton, right?

Well, while I was searching more informations about this flower, I found out this website about the essence of Baby Blue Eyes and the passage I quoted down below has the exact same words you can find on that link:

With its pronounced affinity for water, the Baby Blue Eyes flower essences addresses qualities of tender sensitivity, innocence and trust associated one’s early childhood relationship to the father, or other significant masculine figures that are in some way disturbed.

Very often the father was absent, or there was a lack of support or genuine presence. The Baby Blue Eyes type attempts over time to cover this wound of vulnerability with a false “hardening,” such as emotional distancing, mistrust, cynicism or spiritual alienation. It is a flower that can be equally helpful for men or women, although it is especially needed for many men who struggle to become strong, by disowning their pain.

So nemophilia’s essence has qualities associated with childhood, to the father figure and attempts to “repress” and hide emotions.

That’s Patton. That’s him, period. The childhood-related emotions, that are linked to Patton’s longing for “a simpler time”. The mentions of a father figure - who migh be absent or showing lack of support (like, idk, suggesting you should die so your friends live?). And the attempt to “cover the vulnerability” doesn’t remind you anything? Like the Nostalgia episodes?

This flower is Patton.

__________________________________

Logan: Blue petunia

I would like to say, from the bottom of my heart, a huge "FUCK YOU" to this flower, because I spent TWO DAYS searching all the blue flowers in the world and all possible variants, asking myself why this goddamn flower looked so familiar and why it was so hard to find. Blue isn't even a common color in nature, so why couldn't I find it?

I've learned more about blue flowers in these two days than in my entire life. I've searched among flowers I never saw before, like glandora diffusa, leschenaultia and omphalodes verna. I was so desperate to consider this flower a new species, with the petals of a bellflower and the corolla of a morning glory. I even found a goddamn chinese variant of the morning glory that was somehow similar but not that much and why, WHY this was so hard to find?!

And then, after two days and a lot more desperation, I remembered: my dear friend @reptilianwithscallions​ told me about a post they made, regarding this shirt and the flowers. Maybe they had some idea about Logan's flower?

Well, let's all thank my saviour and this post, because otherwise I would've kept searching until the end of my days.

Long story short, Logan's flower is a fucking blue petunia.

And it's a very peculiar choice, because petunias have multiple meanings, several of which can be contradictory.

In general, petunia symbolizes anger and resentment. It reminds someone that you're still angry or disappointed by their actions and you haven’t gotten over the things that caused these feelings.

Oh my, I didn't know we were back in Logan's playlist. It's basically what he kept expressing towards Thomas with his songs: that he was angry at Thomas for his decision, that he doesn't approve that Thomas hasn't "a real job" and so on. Petunia is a flower that screams passive-aggressive, so it's perfect for Logan.

But petunia's meaning deeply changes, depending on the color of the flower. And while petunia in general symbolizes anger, a blue petunia is a symbol of peacefulness, intimacy and deep trust, shared between two or more people. It's so wholesome, because the deep trust reminds me - again - of Logan's playlist and how it ended: no matter what, he and Thomas are always best friends.

Also, petunia flowers have even a secret meaning behind. Since they’re also gifted to new neighbors or to people who have just moved into a new home, they represent a perfect welcome and a way to express affection and kindness to others.

You’re lucky to be so wholesome, you tricky flower.

__________________________________

Virgil: Perennial Geranium

Geranium is a confused flower.

Some of the other flowers have conflicted meanings, but not as much as this flower. These are the most common meanings I found:

Folly or Stupidity

Gentility and kind nature

Clever minds

Ingenuity

Melancholy

Perfect gift for a bride

You can gift it to someone with whom you have planned a meeting 

You can gift it to someone with whom you haven't planned a meeting, just to make them feel welcomed

True Friendship

See? It’s confused.

Aside from jokes, this variety of meanings is due to its great diffusion: since geraniums grow everywhere, every culture gave them a different meaning. And sometimes these meanings depend on the situation too.

Awww, isn't it perfect for Virgil? He can be good and bad at the same time. Anxiety can be bad for Thomas and detrimental for his life, but it can also be the alarm Thomas needs. It depends on the situation.

And, just like geraniums in general symbolize positive emotions, happiness and friendship, so Virgil is in general a good guy. All he does is for Thomas' wellbeing, not against him.

And this is confirmed by the vast use of geranium's essential oil. It's one of the most popular and it has a ton of properties: anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant, decongestant, relaxing and so on. Just like our Virge boy can be incredibly useful under the right circumstances. (Did someone say "Flirting with social Anxiety"?)

Also, geraniums are simple, humble flowers that usually grow outside, but then we take them and make them part of our homes. Once again, it’s Virgil: he's an outsider, he's humble, he talks bad about himself - but Thomas and the others took him and made him part of the famILY anyway.

__________________________________

Thomas: Cherry blossom

I searched this flower everywhere and the only one that looks like the one on the shirt is the cherry blossom. Why did Thomas make a cherry blossom with eight petals, when they all have five? I have no idea. Is this a different flower, maybe? Maybe, but I’m done: I've looked at enough flowers and I don’t have any strength left.

As you probably already know, cherry blossoms are extremely important in Japan. They're beautiful, they're everywhere and they're meaningful.

Why? Because cherry blossoms are considered the perfect metaphor for human existence. When they blossom it's a pink ocean, a party, people go to admire them - but they’re short lived, because in two weeks, the blossoms start to fall. It's just like human life: a small, rich, glorious parenthesis in the void. Something little and precious that ends soon.

But cherry blossoms also symbolize rebirth, optimism, hopes and dreams. When they bloom, it means springtime is coming and spring has always been associated with renewal.

That’s a very good choice for character Thomas. He’s basically a cherry blossom, the whole series is: something that reminds us how beautiful life is, how multi-faceted, how important. Just like Thomas' single being encompasses seven different sides of himself, so life presents a wide range of choices, of aspects, of flavours. All beautiful, all worthy of appreciation, no matter how different they can be from you and your experience.

And this becomes even more important, in relation to the passage of time and the transience of life. Because life is short and, after that, there won't be any more time to appreciate anything.

In addition to that, I would like to point out how the theme of passage of time is something we already saw in the series. And not just one time, but several. Since the first season, we have episodes all around the concept of growing up, growing old, not being a child anymore, becoming an adult. And the last Aside keeps going in this direction. It's clear this is a big theme and its connection with the cherry blossoms proves it.

But why is the flower so different on the shirt? Because Thomas wanted to mess up with us? Probably. Almost certainly. Once again, thank you Mr. Sanders for making me question everything.

The floor is (figuratively) yours now: if you have any other information, thoughts or opinions, feel free to share them.

_______________________________

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