#but real talk this song made me cry when i first heard it

[strniohoeee]

reader breaks up with her bf bc she finds him cheating on her so she goes to the triplets house crying and chris comforts her

What Did I Do?

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader (friendship)

Synopsis: Receiving a DM that your boyfriend of two years has been cheating on you practically the whole relationship is something nobody ever wants. But sadly it was Y/N’s reality 🥀

Warnings⚠️: None, I lowkey went off script? Mannn idkkkkk. I wish time travel was real…(side note LMFAO)🤭

Song for imagine: Black Cab- Lola Young

Did I say something to make you fall

Out of love?

Makes me want to throw up

And I did

Isn't it funny how life can change in an instant? You could have everything you’ve ever wanted swiped from right under you. I prayed many nights that that wouldn’t be my fate. Begging the universe? God? Anyone really to finally let me have peace in my life.

So as I sat here with my stomach in a pit of anger and hurt, I sat cursing the Gods. What did I ever do to deserve an outcome like this? Love is truly a losing game. My blinking back tears as the messages just kept coming. One ping after another. Never thought I would get a ‘hey girly’ text, but hey there's a first for everything.

Betrayal, hurt and sadness lingered in my chest as my breathing began to shallow out. Videos, pictures and text messages of my boyfriend (soon to be ex) had in fact been cheating on me for the past year and a half of our two year relationship. Watching the videos and reading the messages made me physically sick. My tears fell instantly, but soon the disgust settled in. And shortly after was the extreme anger.

My leg bounced anxiously as I bit my nails, waiting for Lee to get home. Rarely ever did he see me truly angry, but lord did I want to key his car and spit in his face…. Hey maybe even smash his phone and then his car windows.

Too deep into my thoughts as my nails tapped the dining room table I hadn’t noticed Lee got home. Dropping his keys into the bowl left by the front door. I blinked back to reality and my leg began bouncing again as my nostrils flared.

“Hey baby” Lee smiled as he caressed my head and kissed my forehead before heading behind me to the fridge.

My silence clearly bothered him as I heard a small scoff. Seems ironic for him to be annoyed…. Not like hes been fucking another girl behind my back for most of our relationship.

“No hello? What's your issue?” He asks as he cracks his drink open, I was immediately annoyed

And now it was my turn to sigh

“A year and a half? Really Lee?” I asked slowly standing up

“What are you talking about?” He asks laughing

“PLEASE! Please don’t act fucking stupid” I replied shutting my eyes to calm myself down

“I really don’t know what's going on. Did I forget our anniversary?” He states again laughing once more

“Let me jog your memory sweetheart” I state opening my phone and offering him a smile

“Hey Y/N, I know you don’t know me, but I wanted to let you know Lee and I have been dating for a year and a half. I found out the other day you guys have been together for two years” I read to him

“ I mean poor girl you played us both you sick bastard” I replied looking up at his smug face

“Y/N… baby you have actually lost your mind. I can’t believe you’d believe some random jealous girl on the internet” He states shaking his head and chuckling

“You will not gaslight me baby” I said mocking his attitude

“Because I have plenty of proof, would you like to see it” I asked him opening my phone again

“Please enlighten me’’ he states crossing his arms over his chest

Oh man was this information going to have his head spinning faster than he can respond to me.

“Oh look what we have here, your phone number in her phone, oh and look at this “I miss you baby” “Can’t wait to take you to Vegas for our one year” “You looked so hot last night at dinner” “When can I see you?” “ I stated as I began to sniffle and tears began to fall from my eyes.

“And there’s more, let's keep reading some more shall we. You left me stranded alone with my sick aunt because you went to stay with her. You’re a fucking dog man! When I needed you the most because my aunt was dying you were in Tulum with this girl. I can not believe you.” I stated scrolling through the DM

“ I think you need some time alone” he stated looking at me wide eyed

“ That’s all you have to say?” I asked him

“This information is easily false” He replied

“Are you fucking kidding me? You know what isn’t false? These fucking pictures” I replied storming over to him

Showing him the pictures of him and that girl naked in bed.

“That's fake Lee? Huh? That’s fucking fake?” I asked him as I jabbed him in his chest with the corner of my phone

“Yeah you can fake messages, but you can not fake those photos. I know what your naked body looks like and so does that girl for a year and a half” I state backing away from him

I sat there basically begging for a why and all he could do was stare at me like I was crazy. I have never seen this side of him and it was making me physically sick

“Why aren’t you talking? WHY AREN’T YOU TALKING? WHY AREN’T YOU REACTING” I screamed at him

His lack of emotions sent me over the edge in to a fit of rage.

“You are a sick fucking man. How could you be with both of us? You can’t have your cake and eat it too” I stated glaring at him

“Looks like I did” He replied smuggly

My face dropped and all I could do was stare at him with no emotions. My heart was shattering even more than it already had. My eye twitched in anger. His face became very punchable.

“Get the fuck out” I replied as I stared at him blankly

Rolling his eyes he grabbed his stuff and headed to the door. Running up behind him I snatched his keys and slid the key to MY house off.

Throwing the keys back at him, they hit the floor and as he picked them up from the floor he looked up at me.

“All your shit will be outside by tomorrow, pick it up and stay the fuck out of my life” I state blankly as I held the door open for him

Before he could fully get out the door I slammed it against him. Hitting him hard as he stumbled down the first step. A grunt of pain left a smile on my face.

Shortly after I got in my car, allowing the silence to overtake me. Tears falling down my face as I screamed. The silence rattled as I banged my fist against the steering wheel. I was so angry and hurt. Yet I found myself driving to the one place I knew I’d find comfort.

Putting my car in park, I made my way to their front door. Ringing the doorbell I sat on their front step. Mascara ran down my face as I trembled from the cold. The tears never ending leaving a blurry view of the front door.

Thirty seconds later the front door opened.

“Hey Y- Woah! What happened, are you okay?” Chris asks me as he yanks me inside, locking the door behind us

“He cheated” I replied crying and falling to my knees at the end of their stairs

“What?” He asked getting nervous

“Chris he’s been cheating for a year and a half, Lee threw our two year relationship down the drain. I can’t believe this” I replied hyperventilating

Stooping down to my level Chris began to rub my back. Cooing me as he listened to my sobs

“Take your time, you don’t have to talk about it” He replied as he helped me up to walk up the stairs

“I saw the messages and the videos and the pictures. I feel so gross he was two timing me basically our whole relationship. I’m so dirty I can’t believe this” I choked out as we made it down to his room.

“No do not say that! You are not dirty or gross. Lee is the scum of this earth for cheating on you” He says as he held me in his arms

“Anybody who cheats on their significant other is a piece of shit, but especially if they cheat on someone like you. Y/N you are an amazing person and you deserve way better than Lee” He states as he rubs my back

“No I don’t” I replied muffled by the fabric of his hoodie

“Yes you fucking do. Do not let that piece of shit define your love life from now on. You will find a better man who will respect you and love you for you. A man who won’t cheat on someone like a dumb ass coward” he stated as he pulled me away

“I just can’t believe he would do such a thing” I replied looking up at Chris and wiping my nose

“His name is Lee and he has to take liquid medicine because he’s too pussy to swallow a pill. You my friend will be just fine” Chris replied laughing, his statement made me laugh because it was indeed true. And that made me realize how pathetic Lee truly is.

“There’s that radiant smile of yours” He says winking at me

“So keep your head up because he is not worth a drop of your tears or a waste of your breath” He says to me as he hugs me once more

“Thank you Chris for always being there for me” I replied offering him a warm smile

“Always Y/N, you are my bestfriend and seeing you hurt kills me” He replied wiping my tears from my eye.

“Now how are you planning to get him back?” Chris asks smirking evilly

“Noo I won’t do that” I replied shaking my head

“Oh come on! The queen of getting people back since we were kids?” He replied cocking an eyebrow at me

Glancing up at him I smirked at him, Racking my brain for an idea

“On second thought there is one thing we can do” I replied getting Chris in on the revenge scheme

The next morning before Lee came back to pick his stuff up from my house. Chris and I threw his belongings on the side of the street. Pouring syrup and glitter all over everything. Laughing as we did it because we knew everything was virtually ruined.

Tossing his expensive items from the second floor balcony. Saying “whoops” every time we chucked something over the railing.

Keeping everything I purchased him, so I could resell everything. Let’s just say Lee wasn’t very happy about his destroyed items and especially when he found out I was keeping the items I purchased him.

Chris made me feel better and ultimately forget all about Lee and his cheating bitch ass.

What would I do without an amazing friend like Chris……

The End

Thank you all sooo much for the support and sticking by me🥺🖤🖤. I really love yall 😭💕💕💕

-J💅🏽

[missjomarch]

Josephine - Luke Hughes

A/N: This is the longest thing I have ever written. Like actually. I heard the song Josephine by Pony Bradshaw and my brain was begging me to do something creative with it, so I wrote this. But I'm on my period so it turned very sad and angsty quickly. So now you all get to suffer along with me! With that said please please read the warnings and if at any point you feel uncomfortable click away.

Word Count: 3.7k 😳

Warnings: Grief and angst with no real happy ending or comfort. Cursing, crying, mentions of blood and pain. A half second on 18+ content but no explicit details.

(Portions in italics are flash backs. Enjoy, lovelies. 🫶)

Luke Hughes sat sprawled in one of the cushioned armchairs spaced across the rooftop bar the New Jersey Devils currently resided on. His view of the New York skyline was fuzzy, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the beer in his left hand or the smoke from the joint in his right. The one thing he was sure of was that he didn’t want to be here, and he damn sure didn’t want to be sober. Luke could feel the pitying looks from his brother and captain all the way across the bar, but at least they hadn’t made any comments tonight. 

The team had won the game earlier in the day by a large margin and Luke wasn’t beating himself up over minuscule mistakes like he used to. No, that wasn’t the issue. In fact, Luke was playing some of the best hockey he had in years. His on-ice performance was probably the only reason he was even still on the team, considering that he had been skipping most morning skates and all public appearances for the past few weeks. 

He had seen the therapist the team provided and taken the weeks off that the trainers had suggested, so he isn’t sure why they insist on continually doing mental checkups on him. It was irritating. Especially when he didn’t give them the answers they wanted, so they sent Jack to pester him instead. All it did was remind him of you. 

“Luke.” 

His head snapped towards where you sat in the passenger seat of his car, eyes shining and a soft smile on your lips. 

“The light has been green for like 30 seconds, babe. What’s going on in that pretty head, hm?” 

Luke always swore that your sweet voice could melt 20 feet of snow in the dead of winter. It was like coming home from a long day to a warm house. It was one of his favorite things about you. So, because he knew you’d ask the question again, he simply shrugged his shoulders in response. He fully planned to keep his troubles to himself in an attempt not to worry you, but then your manicured hand was running through the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Tell me about it, Lu. What’s wrong?” 

With your use of the nickname, he was gone. Suddenly all the world’s problems were spilling from his lips, and he couldn’t stop them even if he wanted to. You tended to have that effect on people. You were just so damn easy to talk to. And the best part? You almost always knew how to make it better. A quick kiss and a Band-Aid, and Luke was back on his way with a smile. 

“Luke,” you mumbled, “Luke…” 

“Luke.” 

Jack stood in front of his brother, shaking his shoulder to break him from his trance. 

“You okay?” Jack questioned, not missing the shine in Luke’s eyes as they were torn from the skyline view. He watched as Luke took a deep drag from the joint in his hand, exhaling the smoke as he attempted to clear the lump from his throat. 

“Fine, Jack.” 

“Bullshit,” Jack couldn’t help the scoff he let out, “Get up, we’re going home.” 

Luke didn’t have it in him to argue. Not that he would have, anyway. He never wanted to leave the house in the first place, especially after the situation Jack got him into the last time they had gone out. 2 months ago, his brother had dragged him to this same rooftop bar insisting that it’d be good for him to get out there again. It took all of 30 minutes before Jack was pushing Luke in the direction of a random girl. “A good fuck will fix you right up”, Jack had claimed. 

“Luuuuke,” the girl below him moaned as he kissed down her neck. He didn’t know her name, didn’t particularly care to either. He was a bit too busy resenting his brother for setting him up with this random girl in the first place. 

He tried to ignore the hot anger flowing through him, tried to focus on the heavy breathing of the blonde and the way her nails were raking down his back. Luke’s hands dipped under her shirt, quickly finding her bra and giving it a harsh tug downwards. His fingers fumbled deftly until they gripped her tits, drawing a sharp gasp from the girl. 

“Oh! Lu, please,” she whined. When he didn’t respond, she went to pull his face to hers. But Luke had froze, brain short circuiting at the nickname he hadn’t heard in over 8 months. 

His throat was burning. His breath turned ragged as he yanked his hands from beneath her shirt. He stared at her with wild eyes, chest heaving. 

“Get out,” he ground out. His heart was pounding. What was wrong with him? 

“Are you okay?” The blond started back at him with a horrified expression, and Luke had to bite his tongue to keep from spitting out any malicious words. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Leave, please.” He begged, unable to look her in the face.

“Luke, I don’t understand,” she tried to reason, “Luke…” 

“Luke.” 

Jack was looking at him expectantly from the driver’s side of his sleek BMW as he navigated the late-night New Jersey traffic. Luke blinked slowly, trying to clear the bitter memory from his foggy mind. 

“Sorry, what’d you say?” Luke questioned, choosing to ignore the concern blaring in his brother’s eyes. Jack seemingly decided to let it be, instead jumping back into whatever he originally asked. 

“I was asking if you thought the stadium series would be a good time to introduce Sydney to mom and dad? I know it’s only been a few months, but I don’t know when they’ll be in town again.” 

Luke nodded, “Are you just going to do it at dinner? Or the hotel?” 

Jack hesitated, clearly contemplating the options before lighting up, “What if I brought her to the family skate? She’s been wanting to learn anyways! It be just like when you brought jo-” Jack choked on his words, immediately recognizing his mistake. He turned towards his brother, attempting to get a read on his face in the dim light of the passing streetlamps. But Luke had already shut down, face turned to stare blankly out the window. 

Jack reached over to give a comforting squeezing to Luke’s left shoulder, “Luke.” 

“LUKE!” you squealed as your hands white knuckled his sweatshirt. He giggled at your skating stance before pulling you to his chest. 

“You alright there, Bambi?” He smirked down at you as you sent him a glare. 

“I’m new to this, asshole. It’s not my fault my teacher is no good,” you threw back at him. It was your turn to smirk as Luke’s mouth hung open in mock offense. 

“I’ll have you know that I’ve taught hundreds of kids across the state of New Jersey how to properly skate.” 

“Those poor kids,” you quickly retorted, sticking your tongue out as he scowled at you. However, that scowl quickly faded into a look of mischief and your face dropped as his arms loosened around you.

“Fine. Suit yourself, Bambi.” Luke let you go, giving you the lightest of shoves backwards. Then you were stranded. Forced to watch as your boyfriend skated backwards away from you, leaving you wide eyed and terrified as you froze on the ice. Your fear quickly turned to anger, and Luke marked the shift in your demeanor with a laugh. 

“Luke Warren Hughes, you come back here and get me right now.” 

“Nope. Come and get me, baby.” Luke winked at you as he skated past, only serving to further frustrate you. You’d never admit that his plan was working, but the anger was motivating. You let out a strangled groan before starting to shuffle forward, sliding your skates like Luke taught you. You were doing well for a while, slowly making your way towards where Luke was taunting you from the boards behind the net. That was until two kids flew past you, knocking you off balance and sending you scrambling to regain it. 

“Luke! Luke, Luke, Luke,” you called, too focused on your slipping feet to notice if your boyfriend was coming to your aid. Then you lost balance completely, tumbling down towards the ice. You closed your eyes as you avoided flinging your arms out to catch yourself, still heeding Luke’s warnings even as he got you in this mess in the first place. You prepared yourself for the cold hard burn of your backside hitting the ice, but it never came. Instead you landed in a pair of unfamiliar arms, barely recognizing that you weren’t on the ground before being hauled to a standing position. You carefully turned around and were met with Jack’s smiling face. 

“Knight in shining armor, at your service,” Jack grinned, adding a small salute for effect. You rolled your eyes, scanning the ice for Luke. 

“How long have you been following behind me?” 

“Ever since Luke pretended to leave you stranded. He planned the whole thing, I was behind you the entire time to save you from your inevitable demise,” Jack poked you, smile growing impossibly wider at the annoyed look gracing your face. 

“Big words for someone who never went to college,” you shot at him, needing anything to level the playing field between you. It was then that Luke finally returned, skating to a smooth stop to your left. 

“What’d I miss?” 

“Your girlfriend was insulting my intelligence after I graciously saved her precious be-hind,” Jack spoke, adding a bit more than his usual sassiness into the bit. Luke turned to tsk at you. 

“Now, now baby. We can’t make fun of people just because they’re less fortunate than us. It’s not Jacky’s fault he’s stupid,” Luke joked, loving the way your eyes lit up when you realized that he was joining your side. Jack, however, stood slack jawed across from you. 

“Now what the hell, Luke? I went along with your little plan, and this is how you repay me?” You and Luke just blinked at him, silly little grins sitting on your face. “Go to hell, both of you,” Jack scoffed before skating off. Once he was gone, you turned towards your boyfriend. Your pout returned, but it was quickly kissed away. 

“I promised you I’d never let you fall, baby. I just never said it’d be me who caught you.” 

You scowled, “you’re such a smart ass.” 

“Love you too, Princess,” Luke grinned. You begrudgingly allowed him to pull you into his chest, the warmth he radiated melting the glare right off your face. 

You turned your head to press a kiss into his jacket-clad chest, right over his heart. A warm smile graced your lips, “I love you, Lukey.” 

“Lukey!”

John Marino stood before him on the ice, stick poised to do the defensive drill coach had instructed them on. 

“You’re out of it today, kid. Are we going to do this drill or not?” 

“Yeah, my bad. Let’s go,” Luke nodded his head, once again trying to shake the thoughts of you from his mind. He had just barely cleared his vision before the puck was dropped, and John was racing towards him. Practice continued like that, Luke losing focus periodically until one of his teammates pulled him back into the moment. 

When he trudged into the locker room an hour later, he was more than ready to go home. These were usually the days he would most appreciate having you to come home to. Leaving a hard practice and coming home to fall asleep in your arms was the best feeling. He tried not to think too much about the gaping hole that memory left in his chest as he untied his skates. 

Once he was dressed in his sweats he rushed from the locker room, hoping to escape the arena before anyone could question his mental wellbeing. Luke made it to the car without any hounding from the guys or trainers, but he had to wait for what felt like an eternity before Jack finally made his way into the parking garage. 

“What the hell took you so long?” Luke questioned, hopping into the passenger seat as Jack unlocked the car doors. 

“Coach wanted to talk to me for a second. You could’ve gotten the keys from my bag, yknow.”

“Yeah, but then I would’ve been tempted to leave you here,” Luke smirked at his brother. 

Jack only rolled his eyes, all too familiar with Luke’s teasing. His mind swirled with the reminders his coach had left him with after their brief post-practice discussion. Coach was getting extremely concerned about Luke and the lack of focus he displayed at practice and games. Jack was also concerned, and so was most of the team. He knew he should bring it up, but the joy in Luke’s eyes was so rare these days that Jack couldn’t bring himself to disturb it. He just wanted to support his brother the best he could, but Luke wouldn’t open up to him. Or anyone, for that matter. Not his mom, not Quinn, not even his old teammates from Michigan. Luke wouldn’t talk to anyone about you.  So Jack took what Luke gave him. Watching late night hockey, Door Dashing dinner, or playing video games for hours on end. Anything to keep his brother occupied, and make him realize that he wasn’t alone. 

Luke finally made his way into his room at 11 pm later that night, feeling relatively okay after eating dinner and watching a Canucks game with Jack. He had felt so unlike himself lately that any small reprieve from reality was a welcomed gift. He also knew that it helped Jack worry about him just a little bit less. 

Luke had just turned out his bathroom light after brushing his teeth when his door creaked open, revealing Jack standing in the doorway. It wasn’t unusual for Jack to check on him before bed, but it had recently become more frequent. 

“You good to leave for practice at 8 tomorrow?” Jack questioned. 

Luke nodded, “Yeah, I’ll be up.” 

“Better be. I’m not in the mood to drag your ass out of bed in the morning.”

Luke rolled his eyes, but the wary look on Jack’s face made him hold his tongue on the snarky response he was about to shoot back. 

“Promise, I’ll be good to go at 8.”       

Jack deemed that a good enough answer, and went to shut the door.

“Alright. Night, Luke.” 

“Luke…” you shakily whispered on the phone. Your voice was wobbly and high pitched, the tears streaming down your face evident in your tone. 

“Baby?” Luke spoke into the phone, “What’s wrong?” 

It was an hour and a half until puck drop, and you should’ve been on your way to the stadium by now. Luke’s furrowed brows caught the attention of Jack in the next stall over, stopping his movements from where he was lacing up his skates. 

“I was on my way to the arena, and I…” a broken sob escaped your mouth, startling Luke as he tried to fathom what could’ve possibly happened after he left the house. 

 “Someone hit me.” 

Luke jumped to his feet, “What do you mean hit you? What happened?” 

“I don’t know. Someone ran a red light or something and they hit my car. I think I spun into a pole,” your breath was growing ragged as you recited the wreck. 

“Are you okay? Where are you? I’m coming to get you,” Luke rushed out as he began grabbing his clothes back out of his bag. Half the locker room was staring now, all with varying looks of concern. 

“I don’t know what to do. I’m bleeding,” you squeaked. “Lukey, there’s so much blood.”              

This sent Luke into a panic. He was stripping his gear as fast as humanly possible while simultaneously yelling at Jack to give him to car keys. Jack’s concerns fell on deaf ears as Luke undressed, and he finally decided that following Luke was the safest option. 

“No. You’re okay, baby. I just need you to tell me where you are, okay? I’ll be there so soon, just tell me where,” Luke begged. He knew logically that the cops would arrive before he could, but he needed to be there with you. 

“Don’t know. But my head hurts so bad,” you whimpered out. Luke tried to ignore the way he could hear your voice weakening as you spoke. 

“Just stay on the phone with me, love. I’m on my way to come get you, yeah?”

Luke tried to reassure you as he shoved his feet into his shoes and rushed from the locker room. Jack was hot on his tail, car keys in hand. 

“ ‘m sorry, Lu,” your whisper was barely heard by Luke as he sprinted down the hallways of Prudential Center. 

“For what, love?” 

“I wanted to be at your game tonight,” you mumbled. 

“It’s fine, baby. There’ll be a million more games for you to come to, yeah?” 

Luke attempted to comfort you as he searched for your location, plugging it into the GPS as Jack pulled out of the parking garage. Luke could only hope the pregame traffic wouldn’t get in the way. 

“Mhmm. Lukey?” 

“Yeah, baby?” 

Your voice was barely a whisper, “I love you.” 

Luke swore he could feel his heart shatter at the crack in your voice. There were tears streaming from his face as he pushed Jack to drive faster. 

“I love you too, princess. So much. Jacky and I are going to be there so soon. I just need you to hang on for a few minutes. Can you do that for me?” 

Luke’s voice was frantic and only grew more so when he heard your phone tumbling out of your hand. 

“Baby? You’ve gotta stay awake, okay?” Luke pleaded, as tears streamed down his face. His hands shook where he held the phone to his ear. 

“Baby? Please tell me you’re okay. I just need you to say something.” 

Luke’s begging continued until the line went dead. 

“Fuck,” Luke muttered, sobs beginning to wrack his body. Jack looked at him frantically as he continued to navigate the streets of New Jersey. 

“Luke? What the hell happened?” Jack kept spitting questions, but he might as well have been talking to a brick wall. “Snap out of it, Luke.” 

“Luke.” 

Luke awoke to Jack shaking him violently, and he tasted the salty tears streaming down his face before he felt them. ‘No. Not again,’  Luke thought. He shot up in bed, sending Jack scrambling backwards to avoid knocking heads. Luke’s head whipped back and forth wildly as his eyes searched the room. ‘Please, please, please,’ he begged the universe. He ignored the way his brain reminded him of the truth, ignored his brother’s pitying look, ignored the cold bed beside him where you should’ve been. It was if the whole world was pointing and laughing at his grieving heart. ‘Look at this idiot,’ they all seemed to say, ‘He still thinks he can save her.’ 

“Fuck,” Luke exhaled, finally giving up his futile attempts at disproving what he knew was his reality. 

Jack stared as his younger brother lost himself to grief once again. Watching as Luke’s hands disappeared into his curls, head bowed as sob after sob wracked his body. Jack felt helpless knowing he couldn’t take this pain from his little brother. All he could do was hold him and promise to be there through it all. 

“I can’t keep doing this,” Luke whispered into Jack’s shoulder. “Every time I wake up, I lose her all over again, and I can’t do it anymore.” 

Jack hesitates, unsure exactly what to say in this situation. You were always the one with the best advice, the one who could handle anything. 

“We’re going to get you through this, okay? You’re not alone in fighting this,” Jack paused, contemplating how to suggest his next thought. “I know you think you’re fine, but I really think you need help Luke. She would want you to get help.” 

Luke nodded, knowing his brother was right. You would hate to see him like this. Ever the caretaker, you had always been the first person to chastise him for not taking proper care of his mental health during hockey season. If you saw him like this, you’d pull him into your arms and then absolutely rip him a new one until he promised to take care of himself. 

“I know,” Luke mumbled, “I’ll start seeing a therapist. I think I need to step away from hockey for a bit too. It’s not fair to the guys that my mental health is affecting the team performance.” 

“I think that’s smart,” Jack agreed. “The guys might not understand what you’re going through, but they know it’s not your fault Luke. They want you to get better too.” 

Luke could only nod, trying to accept Jack’s words as the truth and fight the part of his brain that was saying this was all his fault. Luke was so tired, but he wasn’t willing to go back to sleep when he knew memories of you was what awaited him. 

“I’ll call the trainers tomorrow. I don’t really want to go back to sleep, can we watch a movie or something?” 

“Of course,” Jack agreed, despite the exhaustion weighing him down. “I’ll even let you pick.” 

A slow, knowing grin spread across Luke’s features, “Even Secretariat?” 

Jack’s sigh could be heard all the way in New York, but he smiled nonetheless. Just happy to see that Luke was making small steps towards returning to himself. 

“Even Secretariat.” 

So that’s how Luke and Jack spent their evening, watching movies and eating obscene amounts of popcorn. Luke had smiled to himself for most of the night, feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders. He knew the process would be slow and that he might never truly get back to ‘normal’. But admitting his pain and asking for help, that was enough for now. 

[itsgrimeytime]

I Told You Now || Rick Grimes (TWD) x gn!reader

rick grimes taglist: @golden-hoax @mgparker

Part 2

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: I've Told You Now by Sam Smith or "But what the hell, why do you think I come 'round here on my free will? Wasting all my precious time... Oh, the truth spills out and oh I...I've told you now."

Summary: You were in love with Rick, not that he knew. You weren't sure you were ever going to tell him. What could you say, you loved the kids and didn't want to lose them too. It was too risky. But finding out he was chasing after some married woman was just the last straw.

TWs: angst, jealousy, yelling, anger, crying, cursing, mention of fainting, not really unrequited love (you just don't know that yet) and vague references to infidelity (Jessie to her husband).

[[A/N: This song came up on my old playlist, and let me tell ya... I had some thoughts. This might be a two-parter, we shall see. Enjoy <3]]

"Hey, Mags," you hummed -Judith bouncing on your hip, "-where's Rick? I've been trying to find him all da-"

Maggie froze for a second, and you stilled -tightening your grip on Judith. Was there danger? Was everything okay? Your eyes swung around to see if there was anything unusual, anything dangerous-

Your eyes caught on something.

It was Rick, wearing his constable uniform (which you blindly noted suited him really well), and talking to a woman. You knew her name, Jessie, he'd talked about her before -said her husband was a real piece of shit. Everyone within Alexandria apparently knew that, but Rick was the only one to do anything about it.

At the time, you thought it was heroic of him, something Rick would do.

But now...

Your eyes skimmed across his face, across the intent of his blue eyes. There was something there, something you knew. You're not sure if it's the way he stood, or the smooth smile slipped onto his lips, or the way he looked down when he laughed at her -whatever she said, but-

"Why don't you just come inside?"

You barely heard it, something in your chest sinking -heavy. Your heart was pounding in your chest, it felt like every breath took everything out of your lungs, like your whole world was teetering on an edge. And Rick Grimes held it in his hands.

And he was... he was throwing it around, he wasn't even careful-

"Y/N," she continued, and you could hear her but there was something in you that couldn't move.

How long had this been happening? A married woman, really?

You knew her husband was terrible, scum of the Earth-

"Y/N," she warned, gently.

But her?

Why hadn't he ever told you? Why did you ever think that it was different now?

What were you to him? Just a goddamn babysitter?

The hope that had gathered up in your chest was snuffed out, just like the crumbling of your heart. You'd always knew it would come to this, you just weren't ready.

"Y/N," she stressed -trying to gain your focus, "-come on-"

Something in your stomach twisted, sour.

Tossing like a tide, you swayed in place. Your head was getting fuzzy and your eyes were bleary. Your ears felt like they were stuffed, all the voices so far away-

You took a languid blink.

With a breath, you pushed Judith into Maggie's arms -ensuring her safety. And with that, your knees buckled underneath you.

You fell to the ground.

You remember hearing Maggie scream, hearing the rush of footsteps -slapping along the ground. You remember hearing him then too, but something in you soured -you tried so hard to block it out. Ignore it.

"What the hell happened?"

It made your head pound again, made your brain swim. You squeezed your eyes closed like it would bring you some relief, anything-

"Y/N?" A voice offered, you recognized it to be Maggie's, "-are you awake?"

You shifted ever so slightly, eyes blinking open. The first thing you noticed was the bandage along your head, had you hit your head? Your fingers shifted to touch it-

Maggie grabbed your wrist, stopping the motion, "That'll hurt. You hit your head when you... Doctor says it might give you some headaches for a while."

You realized then, you were in a bed -distinctly not yours. You knew the woody smell anywhere, your eyes darted along the nightstands, almost to confirm -an old picture of him, Lori, and Carl. Something in you winced, and not because of your head.

"Told 'im to give us a minute," she revealed, "-I said you'd want to be in your own house, but he insisted."

The apology went unsaid.

"'S okay," you slurred a little, you weren't sure if it was from the pain or the sleep, "-not your fault, Maggie."

"Still," she echoed -something in her protective, "-I won't leave 'im alone with you, I promise."

You laughed a little, "Grimes is gonna do it anyway, we both know that. Hell, maybe I'll finally tell him."

"Because of..."

It again went unsaid, you weren't sure you could say it out loud either.

"How-" you cleared your throat, "-Do you know how long...?"

Maggie sighed -picking at the white comforter, "A few weeks at most, me and Glenn only caught onto it that long. But I don't... I don't know."

"How can I be so pissed-" you cried -tears burning the backs of your eyes, "-I don't deserve to be pissed. How would he even know?"

"Y/N, you can be pissed," she interrupted, wrapped your hands into hers, "-It's not just you. Everyone thought- You aren't delusional. He was... There was something."

"Apparently not," you retorted -bluntly.

"Don't," she frowned, getting something to wipe at your eyes, "-Don't do that to yourself, you couldn't have known better."

"I should've known better," you echoed out -sniffling, "-I'm so stupid. I told myself to n-"

The door swung open.

Rick stood there -less composed than you saw him before. You inwardly flinched at the notion of... before. His hair was a bit unruly like he'd been running his hands through it -he did that when he was worried. You knew that. His jacket (constable jacket) was tossed off, a frown creased on his lips and worry on his brow. He looked at you -unflinchingly.

"I thought I 'eard ya cryin'," he spoke, seemingly to confirm to himself, "-does it hurt? Do I need to go get some medicine? Doc said-"

"No," you interrupted -plainly, wiping at your eyes, "-I'm fine, Rick. Actually-"

You pulled yourself out from under the comforter, sitting up and scooting to the edge of the bed. It felt like you were suffocating in here -all you could smell was him, all you could see was him, all you could feel was him. It wasn't fair.

You needed some air, like now.

"-I'm gonna go home," you finished, looking to Maggie to help you get onto your feet (you were still a little dizzy).

"You can't-" he seemed to respond, in disbelief, "-You ain't supposed to be alone, right now. Doc said-"

"I'll go to Maggie's then," you offered -grabbing your shoes which were placed neatly by the bed. Something in you stung that he had thought to do that for you.

"Why?" He asked -genuine.

You wordlessly walked through the door past him -Maggie trailing you. You padded down the hallway, cursing the familiar walls -the baby toys scattered in the corner, the picture frames hung up on the wall, and the little trinkets from his time on the road.

"You'll tell me if the kids need me, yeah?" You spoke, finally -hand turning the doorknob.

"Will ya just talk to me?"

You stuttered in your step, you could feel Maggie behind you. Your heart twisting in your chest, you just wanted to go. But something in you stopped; god, you loved him so much. It wasn't fair.

"Fine," you answered -clipped, "-Maggie, give us a minute? I'll be over in a few."

She looked at you a moment, trying to see if she should leave maybe. Eyes darting over your face, reading your eyes -she seemed to be satisfied, "Okay."

You spun to Rick, taking a deep breath in through your nose.

"What do you want to talk about, Rick?"

He laughed -in disbelief, you could tell, "What do I wanna talk 'bout? Seriously? Like you don't know?"

You stared at him -wordlessly.

"Y/N," he started -stepping toward you, you almost immediately stepped back and he noticed, "-you fuckin' fainted, you're hurt. We don't even know why and now-"

"I know why," you interrupted.

He seemed to look at you in curiosity, "Why?"

"Haven't been eating," you lied with the ease of the wind.

He seemed to process that a second -concern flitting through his face before settling somewhere else, "'At's bullshit."

"How do you know-"

"You ate dinner at mine last night," he explained, "-an' ya cleaned your plate."

Shit.

"Look Rick," you mended, "-I really don't want to talk about it."

"Why?" He offered, and he stepped forward -you stepped back, "-and now you're... you're avoidin' me? What the hell happened? You were fine, yesterday-"

"Can we not get into this right now?" You interrupted again, "-My head hurts like hell, and I just want to go and rest, like I imagine I was told to do."

Rick leveled a look at you, "Why not 'ere? Why Maggie's? You're always 'round 'ere anyway-"

It slipped out before you could think about it -venomous, "And why do you think that is?"

He stuttered to a stop, "What?"

Regret spilled into your stomach, "Rick, let's not get into this. Seriously. I'm tired-"

"No, no," he echoed, "-you brought it up. What do ya mean? What are you talkin' 'bout?"

"I can't," you swallowed, tears burning the backs of your eyes, "-Rick, not now, okay?"

He looked at you surfing over your eyes, insistent, "Why are you 'round 'ere so often?"

"Rick-"

"I thought it was 'cause ya loved the kids," he listed, "-or 'cause we were friends. But you... 'Ere's another reason."

"Rick, I don't want to."

"Want to what?" He asked, something in his voice teetering, "-Tell me? Talk to me? We used to know everythin' 'bout each other, and now you're sayin'-"

Something in you snapped. You don't know if it was his tone, or the words, or the implication that you had been lying to him while he was so truthful to you-

"God, Rick," you nearly shouted, "-I'm in fucking love with you!"

Rick froze -unmoving. You couldn't even tell if he was breathing.

"Are you happy now?"

He didn't say a word.

"So, yeah. I have been lying to you," you hissed, "-if you wanted to put it that way. If you wanted to say that I'm an asshole for protecting myself, then yeah, I am."

Rick was much different in his stance now -gentle like you'd run at his first motion toward you, eyes flickering between so many things, "Y/N..."

"No," you spoke -steely, "-I'm not. We're not doing this. I already know..."

Your words trailed off, and you swallowed -pushing down the tears. You weren't going to cry now.

"I saw you with Jessie, okay?" you explained -something in your voice softer, fragile, hurt, "-So I know. It's why I fainted. I just... I wasn't expecting it."

"Y/N, I never-"

"Seriously, Rick," you nearly begged -your voice cracking, "-I know. You don't need to drag this out longer. Did you not hear me the first time?"

His mouth snapped shut, even though he looked like he had a lot to say. Words urging to be uttered from his lips. But he didn't say anything, maybe out of respect to you. You were grateful.

"I'll be back by later to see the kids," you echoed out -something in your voice hollow.

"Will ya just let me-"

"Just let me know when Judith's up, okay?" You interrupted, deflecting, "-I said I'd watch her today."

And with a final look (maybe your last ever full look at him), you walked out the door.

[cameronspecial]

The People We Used To Be

Pairing: Musician! Rafe Cameron x Musician! Reader

Warnings: Rafe being an asshole

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 8.5K

Summary: Music brought together Y/N and Rafe, but he pulled them apart. After seven years, a competition to win a recording deal brings them back together and they are forced to confront their past.

A/N: Inspired by @ghostofwriting's Kildare Spilt series which is absolutely amazing and you have to check it out if you haven't already. The songs in the fic are "Traitor" by Olivia Rodrigo (Altered to fit the fic) and "Right My Wrongs" by Bryson Tiller. I didn't write them.

Masterlist

Music has a way of making the world make sense for Y/N and Rafe. The Pogue and the Kook met at a Mommy and Me music class their mothers took them to as toddlers. Their mothers and each other helped foster a love for the art and it became even more of a necessity when they lost their mothers. Rafe was the first one to lose his mother. Margaret Cameron had been battling cancer for two years before her passing and it completely destroyed her eight-year-old son. Every Kook he knew tried to help him with his grief, except the one person who could actually get through to him didn’t live on Figure Eight. Instead of crying in his room in Tannyhill, he found himself riding his bike to a small bungalow on the Cut. It was in that small house where a little girl sat on the front porch with a guitar that was too big for her, trying to play “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper. Her mom’s favourite song. The sound of the chain of his bike caused her to freeze and look up from the strings. “You are getting better,” he praised, getting off his bike to walk it up the small driveway. She gave him a smile that showed him she wasn’t afraid to be happy during his time of mourning. She didn’t walk on eggshells around him and he loved it. It made him feel normal, like before his mom got sick. She beckoned him to the porch swing with her hand, “Come sing with me.” He crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “Nuh-uh, that’s a girl song,” he argued. 

The front door opened and out came Melody Y/L/N. Her smile matched her daughter. “Now, Rafe. Have I not taught you anything about music? There is no such thing as a boy song or a girl song. Or a Pogue song or a Kook song. As long as it speaks to you, it is meant for you. Now, why don’t we all sing together?” Those words touched him and it would continue to do so well into adulthood. And it was that afternoon when Rafe started to heal from the pain of a dead mother. Playing music with the Y/L/N women and being happy made him feel closer to his mom than any condolences from other people.

���——

Y/N lost her mother at twelve years old. The real kicker was that the universe decided that the day the girl would turn into a young lady was the day of her mother’s funeral. Her mother was a lively person and requested in her will that people wear their favourite colour to her funeral. So Y/N wore light blue to the burial. When she went to the bathroom after returning home, she was greeted with a massive red stain in her underwear. It felt as though the world had ended. Melody may have talked to her daughter about the logistics of dealing with a period, but Y/N couldn’t remember a word of what her mother had said and she began to panic. She locked herself in the bathroom after her dad gave her a new pair of underwear and some of her mom’s leftover pads. Other than that, he had no idea what else to do to get his daughter out. His wife was gone and his daughter was dealing with a problem he had never experienced before. He felt hopeless until he thought of the one person who could help. 

Ward dropped off his son in front of the one-story yellow house, telling his son he could sleep over if Y/N needed someone. Rafe walked into the house as if he lived there and went straight to the bathroom door. “Hey, Rock Star. I heard you were feeling bad. I brought you some KitKats, dulce de leche ice cream and some Tylenol,” he announces, looking through the bag. “My mo- My mom used to say eating sweets made her feel better.” She didn’t respond; instead, she remained seated on the floor against the bathtub. Her head was on her knees to catch the tears coming from her eyes, wishing her mom could be here to help her through it. Rafe sighed, worried his friend would never leave that room again. Since food didn’t work, he only knew one other thing that might be able to get her out. If it didn’t work, then he didn’t know what would. He ran to the living room and flipped through the CD holder, looking for a specific one. He finally found it and took it out. He set it in the CD player and dragged it into the hallway. He plugged it in, skipping to the perfect song. The notes began to play and he shook his hips in synch with it. “I come home, in the morning light,” he started to sing with Cyndi. She could hear his exaggerated shrieks from inside her confides. He was definitely doing it to goad her out. “I think I’m a great singer. What do you think, Rock Star?” he screamed from the other side of the door. She sat there for a little longer, listening to his horrible singing. 

Eventually, she had to save her poor ears from the torture. His singing dimmed in volume at the click of the lock. He saw her feet tapping and he knew it was only a matter of time before she joined in with him. Once she started singing with him, he switched to his real singing voice. The slant of her lips was still in a frown, but it was still an improvement from not wanting to see anyone. And once again, music helped the children grieve the loss of an important woman in their lives. 

———

Her foot taps against the floor as she bites her nails. The earplugs she is wearing help dampen the sound from the stage. She can’t believe he is here. It really shouldn’t be a surprise. This competition would launch the winner’s career. Y/N hasn’t seen him in seven years and hasn’t played with him for just as long. Kiara comes from behind her and rests a palm on her shoulder. Kie has been touring with Y/N’s band for three years now. As soon as she graduated high school, she hit the road and became the Melodies’ personal assistant. They both turn to look at the lead singer of Just Wanna Have Fun as he sings while strumming his electric guitar. He turns so she can see the back of his guitar and she spots the beam note with their initial in each of the ovals of the notes. R and Y/I/N. She is surprised he hasn’t painted over it already. Each band gets to play three songs and when she hears the next song he decides to play, she can’t stand on the sideline and watch them perform anymore. She turns around and heads into the lounge area for the musicians. How dare he play that song?

He could feel her gaze on her throughout his first set. He should’ve figured she would be here. If he thought she was, he wouldn’t have played the next set. He finishes his part of the duet and he looks to the side of the stage to see her while Frank sings the verse that used to belong to Y/N. Disappointment flashes across his eyes at the empty spot where she was. This is the first time he gets to see her in seven years and of course, he has to screw it up. He gets so caught up in the past that he almost misses his verse. 

———

The cool air tickled their skin as her head rested on his stomach. The new electric guitar his dad bought him for his fourteenth birthday lay beside them. “Do you ever worry about us not being friends anymore?” she thought out loud, staring up at a cloud that looked a little like a bunny. He frowns at her and lifts his head up to look at her, “No, why in the world would I think about that?” 

“We are total opposites, Rafe. You are a Kook. I’m a Pogue. You are destined for a life of greatness while I’m meant to be stuck on my side of the island.”

He laughs, “That’s absolutely ridiculous because we are both meant to be in a band together and become so famous that the members of Pink Floyd will be jealous.”

He could see the seriousness of her question and sat up, taking her with him. She now sat across from him and he took her hand into his. “But seriously though, all that stuff doesn’t matter. Not when we have music. It’s like your mom used to say. Music isn’t meant for one type of person. As long as it speaks to you, it is meant for you. And that logic is the same for us. We speak to each other, so we are meant for each other,” he promised. He scooted to his backpack and got out a Sharpie. He sat back down beside her, flipping his guitar onto his lap. “What are you doing?” she questioned. She slid in closer to him. He uncapped the marker and began to draw a beam note. He looked up at her with a smile, “Proving to you that we will never stop being friends.” He put his initial in the first note and handed the marker over to her. She got the message, writing her initial in the other note. He took the marker back to cap it. “There. Now, as long as this is here, we will be friends forever.” She giggled at his remark, thinking it would eventually fade; however, what she didn’t know was that he forced his dad to get something to seal the writing that very night. 

———

Y/N will never get over the feeling of being on stage. Whether she is playing for a crowd of one or a hundred, all she needs is to share what she loves with people willing to listen. She smiles at the camera Kiara flashes in her face and takes the towel Kie hands to her. The fabric removes the sweat from her forehead, staining with makeup in the process. She makes her way to the lounge to put her stuff away so she can wait out the other bands until they announce who is going to make it to the next round. Her usual routine after a gig is to take a breather outside by herself. She needs the outside air to cool her down and let her think, so her bandmates give her the space she needs as she heads out the backdoor. She breathes in the cool air, slamming against the rough brick wall. So far, she has been able to contain her emotions about seeing him again. Yet, finally being able to focus on her feelings, makes her realize that she is still hurt by what he did all those years ago. She trusted him with all of her heart and he broke that trust. How could someone she loved so much betray her so badly? 

“It’s been seven years and you still haven’t changed, Rock Star.” The voice snaps her out of her thoughts. Her head swivels in his direction, rolling her eyes at him. “Neither have you because I’m guessing you are here to smoke. You know those things will kill you, right?” she retorts, looking in the opposite direction. He chuckles, “Yeah, this girl I used to know a while back told me that all the time.” She doesn’t join in his playfulness. “You know what, I’m just going to go back inside,” she decides, pushing off of the wall to head to the door. He reaches for her wrist to stop her. She stops at the contact and he flicks the cigarette bud on the floor. He stomps it out. His gaze finds her again and at the disapproving look on her face, he picks it up and throws it in the garbage. He points toward the door, “I’ll go. I recognize how much you need these moments alone. I’ll see you back inside.” He steps toward the doorway, pausing to glance at her over his shoulder. “It was nice to see you in person again.” She scoffs, “I wish I could say the same.” This digs another shallow hole in his heart and he lets the door slam shut behind him. Once he is gone, she slides down the wall, resting her head on her knees with her eyes closed. Is a record deal with one of the best recording labels really worth the regauging of old wounds? 

Rafe heads to the bathroom, the inside of his cheek caught between his teeth. The decision to use the individual bathroom is easy; he doesn’t want anyone to walk in on his mental breakdown. His hand twists the cold facet and splashes the water onto his face. The shock of the temperature aids him in rearranging his thoughts. At the sight of her broken heart, it killed him that he wasn’t able to drag her into his hold and whisper how sorry he was for letting them get to this point. After all their time apart, every single detail that he remembers about her is the same. Her lavender perfume remains his favourite smell in the world. The dark fuschia lipstick is the one he picked out for her when she started wearing makeup. And she relies on the tiny taps of her feet in rhythm with the song playing in her head. 

———

Rafe watches her from his spot in front of the stage. The area designated for the bands to stand in during the elimination announcement isn’t as crowded as the general admission behind him. Two bands are going to be eliminated. It isn’t a lot, yet it doesn’t guarantee Just Wanna Have Fun is going to continue in the competition. He hopes the Melodies advance, certainly because the longer they both stay, the more chances he has at making things right between them. All he wants is to get back what they had and maybe what they didn’t get the opportunity. That wish is quickly submerged by a wave from a passing jet ski. 

The jet ski is probably two inches shorter than Rafe. His light brown curly hair goes passed the bottom of his ear and looks like a flat mane. The green eyes stare at Y/N with adoration that only Rafe should be allowed to direct toward her. What really destroys Rafe is when that five o’clock shadow brushes against Y/N’s skin to give her a kiss on the cheek. Garrett notices Rafe’s gaze and shoves the glarer with his shoulder. “Stop staring. You look creepy,” Garrett orders, turning back to the stage. As Rafe is about to obey the suggestion, he catches the way Y/N leans against the chest of the mystery man, causing a bubble of nausea to form in his stomach. The screech of a microphone calls the attention of everyone in the crowd. A short woman with blue hair and black lips angles the bulb toward her, “Everyone played beautifully tonight, but unfortunately, you all can’t join us next week. Just as a reminder every week, two bands will be eliminated. Now, for the moment you have all been waiting for.” She takes a pause to unfold the paper with the names of the unlucky musicians and her cheerful demeanour shifts to one of sorrow. “I’m sorry to announce that Dex the Sex and Heartaches will not be playing on this stage again next week.” The bands closest to the exiled ones express their condolences, while the ones further away can be seen celebrating the small victory. Rafe turns to hug his bandmates and can’t help but risk a glance at her. Her arms are around her supposed boyfriend’s neck and their chest are pressed against each other. 

The green-eyed monster tickles his heart. His legs move in advance of his brain processing his emotions. The tips of his navy blue converses touch her black leather boots. He notices the way the man’s arm around her waist slightly tightens so that the veins in his arms are prominent and the sharp jaw clenches. Rafe eventually has the confidence to look in her eyes and her distaste for him marinates in them. His fingers go to scratch the back of his ear, “Congrats on making it to the next round. You… you played great. Was the last song new?” She leans forward in the man’s hold and some of her hatred cools down. “Thanks, it is. Something I came up with last week. We’ve been working late nights to perfect it for tonight. You sounded great tonight too,” she says barely above a whisper. The man behind her looks between the ex-bandmates and extends his hand out, “I’m Knox, Y/N’s boyfriend. It’s nice to meet you, Rafe.” 

Rafe grips Knox’s hand a little too tight with a straight smile. “It’s nice to meet you too,” he placates, wondering how much trouble he would get into for punching the idiot. It would be unwarranted for sure, yet it doesn’t stop his urge to want to do it. Feeling the start of a cock fight brewing, Y/N steps in. “We didn’t eat dinner before the show, so we are going to go… do that.” She breaks away from her boyfriend’s hold and takes his hand, following her friends toward the exit. Her cold demeanour might have made someone else lose spirit. Someone who didn’t know Y/N. Rafe knows otherwise though. He was able to crack the glaze of her harshness. He isn’t letting that victory go. 

———

His feet ache after a late-night practice. They had gotten the last timeslot for practice at the venue today, not that Rafe minds. He works better at night because it is when he needs a distraction the most. She was there earlier, so he didn’t get to see her. The smell of her perfume followed him wherever he went while he was there. They haven’t had any encounters since that night. It doesn’t surprise him; she is obviously avoiding him. It hurts him more than hell and he knows he deserves it because he did something a hundred times worse to her. The echo of his footsteps is the sole sound in his vast apartment. This has been his house for five years, except it doesn’t feel like home. Not when it doesn’t have that touch of her like his room at Tannyhill does. 

———

“God, could your room look any more like a stereotypical teenage boy’s jerk off-centre?” she criticized, looking around the room with disgust in her eyes at the cluster of cups on his bedside table. Some of them had ring stains around the glass. He looked at her over his shoulder, “What are you talking about? All the guys I know have a room like this.” She points at the walls littered merely with car posters or bikini models. “Yeah, and that’s the problem. How can you call this place home if there is nothing that shows you are the one living here?” she argued. He gestured to the poster, “What do you think that is?” 

“That shows me that any guy in my class lives here.”

“Like a Pogue could afford half of the stuff in this room.”

“Really, Rafe?” 

“Right, sorry. Can you just get to the point? What do you think I should add then? What will make this place my home?” 

“You need more personality in here. Pictures of people you love. Little trinkets. Plants. Music stuff. Love letters from a sweetheart.” 

He chuckled, “Like you display your love letters. And why can’t my personality be cars and bikini posters.” “Because that’s every other straight cis-gendered boy's personality. You know, if you added more things, it would make a girl feel more comfortable in your room,” she attempted a different tactic. His brow arched, “Hmm, never thought about it that way. This isn’t the first time you’ve been in my room though. Why bring it up now?” “I’m tired of looking at this nasty-ass messy room. That’s why,” she admitted. He nodded, taking into consideration her opinion. He grabbed a piece of tape from his desk drawer and took out his wallet. She observes as he slides out a picture from the window slot. He tacked on the photo right above his desk. She couldn’t see what it was in, so she stepped forward. Her eyes welled up with tears at the sight. It was a picture of them. The memory of when the photo was taken comes to the forefront of her mind. They were twelve years old and he had just learnt a new chord on the guitar, so of course, he had to teach her it as well. His hands were placed over hers on the neck of the guitar, while he guided her fingers. “What’s this?” she stupidly questioned.

He grinned at her, “You told me to put up a picture of someone I loved and I did.” “And you just had that picture in your wallet this whole time?” she clarified. He shrugged, “Yep since I got it.” “That is very unexpected, Rafe,” she thought out loud. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, “What do you expect, Rock Star? You’re my best friend. Of course, I love you.” The words stung her. It shouldn’t surprise her that was who he saw her as. She was a Pogue; she could never be more to him. 

———

He should’ve brought that picture to New York with him. He did bring one thing over that reminded him of home. The music room in his apartment has everything he needs to write a song. It is the one place in his apartment that he doesn’t mind spending time in. There are so many ways for him to clear his mind here and it is where his bandmates like to hang out too. No matter how many times Frank (keyboardist), Garrett (bassist), Topper (drummer), and Barry (band manager) enter this room and know every inch of the room, they will never find his most precious possession. He kneels beside the drawer tower filled with various accessories for the instruments and pulls the bottom one open. He pushes down on the false bottom to reveal a stack of lined papers. They are rumpled from how many times he has read them over; he just couldn’t bring himself to send them or get rid of them. At first, he wrote them to apologize to her, but then he started to use it as a cathartic method. He allowed himself to express everything he had ever wanted to say to her in the letters and every time he needed a reminder of who they used to each other, he read them. His hope was that one day they would be the personalization their house needed to feel like home. It’s been a while since he wrote a new one; however, with her reappearance in his life, it feels time to write another. 

Dear Rock Star,

Even after all this time, you still manage to find a way to have a hold on my heart. Maybe, it’s because I never sent the first letter, so we never got the closure we needed. But seeing you again made my heart feel like it was beating to the tune of its old song. Everything I felt for you came back like a tidal wave and all I wanted to do was hug the ever-loving shit out of you. And then he went to you. That wave I thought I could overcome became my undoing. It made me regret never reaching out to say I was sorry. I realized that your rejection of my apology would be a lot less painful than your moving on from me. It was bound to happen. How could it not when you are the most amazing person to have ever existed? I just dreamt that I could’ve found my way back into your life before it happened. But I didn’t and now, I have to stew in my consequences. 

I sometimes wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you. I get that it is different for you. You were the one who got hurt instead of the one doing the hurting. I think you do. You may not admit it, but you responded to me. Maybe you wanted to seem professional and I can see that being your reason. Yet, your eyes told me something else. I’m not talking about when we talked. I’m talking about when I was on stage. You saw the beam note and I could see the yarning behind the hatred. You want to go back to that time just as much as I want to. I’m going to get us back to that place, I promise. We might not be able to be exactly the people we used to be; nevertheless, we can try. Because you still speak to me, Rock Star, and that means we are meant to be.

Loving you always,

Rafe

He sighs at the final stroke of the pen and caps it. He reads it over and over until it is all he can think about. The words have never felt more true to him and he makes a vow to himself to make it come true. If he can’t have back what they once had, then he will make damn sure he’ll earn the next best thing. He hears the jiggle of the front door handle and rapidly shoves everything back into the drawer. “Dude, why is it always so damn dark in here? Don’t you know how to turn on lights?” Topper teases from downstairs. “Where are you? Come out of the studio for once, will ya? We brought you food from that Turkish place.”

———

“I think maybe we should try you coming in later with the backup vocals, Debs. Why don’t we try again?” Y/N advises. At the nod from the other girls, Y/N faces the stage outward and grips the microphone with both hands. Viola counts them down, beginning the rhythm for everyone to join in. Y/N waits for her cue to sing; she has been the lead singer for the Melodies for seven years and she has yet to figure out what to do with her hands. When they started the band, they figured having two guitarists didn’t mesh well with their sound. So, she offered to drop the instrument for the band because Laila hates singing. She didn’t mind not being able to play on stage, except there were sometimes when she missed it. She’d even dare to say she missed playing with Just Wanna Hav Fun because she wanted the ability to shred some strings in a room bigger than her shoebox of an apartment. The note that signifies she comes in plays and she opens her mouth to sing. Her mind turns off, focusing entirely on hitting every note perfectly. Every time she gets to be on stage, she finds herself falling in love with music again. Especially since it helps her feel closer to her mother.

The girls get lost in the music and forget the time. The clearing of a throat causes Y/N to whip in the direction of it. Topper gives her a small smile and a wave, “I hate to stop the creative flow, but it’s eleven.” Y/N’s head bobs and helps the others get all of their stuff together. She can feel the eyes of the people she used to call friends on her. She tries not to succumb to the pressure of their gaze. As they leave the stage, both groups awkwardly look at each other. She hasn’t kept secrets from her girls, so they know everything that went down between her and the boys. 

Laila, Viola, and Debra can see the emotionless expression on her face at the encounter with her past and decide not to bring it up. “Are you working a shift today?” Laila inquires whilst placing her guitar in its case. Y/N slings her bag across her chest, “Yeah, I’m doing a closing shift. If you guys want to come over to rehearse some more, come over after ten. I need a break between now and work.” “Got it, I’ll bring the pizza,” Laila informs before leaving with Debra and Viola. Kiara returns from the bathroom and approaches Y/N, looking nervously between the stage and her friend. “I don’t want to talk about it, Kie,” she laments. Kiara notices the way the singer avoids eye contact. The PA shakes her head, “You’ve been burying this within you for almost a decade. That isn’t healthy.” “I have no idea what you are talking about. It is perfectly fine to not talk about it. And for your information, I interacted with him on the first competition night. I would say that counts as acknowledging it,” she contends. Kiara’s head tilts to give Y/N a pointed look.

“I overheard that conversation. You were just being nice because the audience could see you.”

“You can’t deny that I was being nice. So I say it counts.”

“You know that isn’t what I mean, Y/N/N. You aren’t only hurting him by leaving things unsolved, but yourself. The more you avoid getting closure, the more you come up with your own explanation for his actions. Those are always going to be worse than the truth. Think about it, not for him. For you.”

Kie doesn’t wait for an answer and it leaves Y/N to think about the impact of her friend's words. She chances a glance to where the music is coming from before heading home. The world is drowned out by the music playing in her headphones, filling in the space where her thoughts should populate. Everyone believes she has to speak to him; they lecture her on the importance of learning the full story. It is rich of them to say all those things when they aren’t the ones who Rafe pained. He didn’t even have the decency to say he was sorry after she confronted him. All he had to present to her were countless excuses. So they don’t get to have an input on how she deals with her shit because she is dealing with it. Through her writing. Out of Rafe and Y/N, she has always been the one more attuned to writing. Rafe can write good songs, he just isn’t as in love with the process as she is. Once her headphones come off at home, she rushes to her bedside drawer, pulling out a beaten-up notebook. She flips through countless songs about him. Every single one was written when she couldn’t contain how she felt. She finally gets to the picture of them she uses as a bookmark. It is the same one he taped onto his wall when they were fifteen. She couldn’t bring herself to take anything else of him during her move. As soon as the pen hits the paper, everything she has been bundling up inside falls onto the page.

———

He had asked her out. Rafe asked her out and she said yes. It had been a game of cat and mouse, them going back and forth on whether or not they should risk their friendship for something more. Spoiler alter, it wasn’t going to be. She didn’t know that though. At the moment, she was focused on getting to band practice. The cold evening breeze caused her to wrap her zip-up hoodie around her body by holding it against her waist. She drops her phone right as she gets to the opening of Topper’s garage. Something she overhears while picking up her phone makes her delay her entry to the room. “I heard you are going on a date with Y/N.” It was a high-pitched voice that could only belong to Samantha. Y/N wasn’t the biggest fan of Samantha. The Kook had a permanent judgmental face in her presence and she could hear the repugnance lacing the question.

Y/N expected her best friend to hear the same tone and defend her. It never happened. “Listen, I didn’t want to do it. I got tired of her doing that pathetic mopey-eyed shit. She was begging for me to ask her out, so I did to stop her pestering. Trust me, I could never willingly date a Pogue.” Suddenly, her heart popped under the weight of the tire and he continued to smear her most vital organ across the road with every laugh he let out. What added to her decimation was that her other bandmates joined in her mocking. During their friendship, they had never made her feel different because of what side of the island she was born on. She thought they didn’t care about the number in her bank account; apparently, they did. She wondered how many lies they told her. Was everything they ever paid for for her because they pitied her? Were they truly her friend? She stepped back to leave, not having the courage to face the most important people in her life until Rafe said something that turned her agony to rage. “What about that stupid saying her mom always said that she lives by.  As long as it speaks to you, it is meant for you. It is so ridiculous. One. Not everything talks. Two. Does she believe that a life outside of the cut is meant for her? Y/N is so delusional.” Samantha let out a cackle. This was the ultimate betrayal. 

She stormed into the room, letting the boys’ height tower over her. The faint smell of weed permeated the air. With the number of times they smoked in here, she was surprised the fabric of the light brown couch didn’t permanently smell like the drug. Topper’s garage wasn’t what most people would imagine for a place to park a car. It made sense though because his family didn’t keep their cars in this garage. They had another small building to house their vehicles in true Kook fashion. This room was a modern finished room, perfectly equipped for whatever Topper’s new hobby was and it happened that his hobby for the past year was being in a band. Rafe could see the fury in her eyes and knew she heard everything they said. He felt horrible. In an ignorant teenage boy fashion, he said anything he could to get laughter out of his friends, creating the biggest mistake of his life. Time needed to rewind, so he could say what he should’ve. The way she looked at him buried him in regret. His desire to take her into his arms for her comfort was trumped by the knowledge that she would chew his head off. “How can you say those things about my mother? The fact that you would ridicule her after she treated you like her own son is sickening. You didn’t deserve her love and she would be disappointed in who you turned out to be. So would your own mom because the Margaret Cameron I know would be ashamed at how you just talked about her dead friend and your presumed best friend,” she fired. He could make glass out of sand with the way she scorched him. His mind zipped around with ways to apologize and make things better, yet his dumb hormonal self advised him to keep digging. She was outnumbered after all. 

“Playing the mom card, how depressing. No, I think my mom would be proud of me. She never liked you anyway. How could she? All you are is a sad little poor Pogue.” 

Lies. Margaret adored Y/N, loving getting to sing with the little girl. The laughs from the Kooks fueled his outer confidence, while his heart was being grated into millions of pieces. She froze; her face contorting into a pout. He spotted the wobble of her lip and the hitching of her breath. His feet shuffled forward a micro-inch, wanting to wipe away her despair. She took a deep breath. Silence seeped into the air. The tension thickened like trying to swim in a pool of peanut butter. She held her head high as she spun to leave, refusing to let them see her misery. 

———

Another competition night passes with the survival of Just Wanna Have Fun and the Melodies. The venue hall is practically empty, except for a few stray people. While the rest of the girls go home, Y/N stays behind to get some downtime alone in the rehearsal room. Being in the Battle of The Bands with Rafe is proving to be harder than she thought. They haven’t had another conversation, but their proximity puts her on edge. Her footsteps echo in the hallway as she leaves the bathroom. Headphones cover her ears, distracting her from the presence behind her. A tap on her shoulder causes her to twirl around. A skinny man with a sad excuse for a beard leers at her. He is wearing The Melodies’ merch and gives her a gut-twisting smile. Suddenly, she feels uneasy because of the lack of people in the building. Time droops as his thin fingers encase her wrist. She tries to yank her arm out; his baby-like grip impedes her attempt. “You have such a beautiful voice,” he mumbles. The usual compliment doesn’t have the same effect coming from a man who looks at her in such an objectified manner. 

“You need to let go,” she orders, having no obligation to acknowledge the content of his words. His hand further coils around her skin, “I said something nice about you. The least you can do is say thank you.” Fear sets in when his other hand reaches for his belt and he begins to drag her toward the bathroom. An arm hooks around the delusional man’s neck, causing him to stop and jerk her backwards. She quickly recognizes the thick bicep. “Let go of her,” Rafe growls in the assaulter’s ear. Relief flushes her at the release of weight from her wrist. “Rock Star, go get security and go back to the practice room.” Her mind goes on autopilot and follows his instructions, overlooking the manner in which he knows why she is here late. 

Once security is sent to aid Rafe, she returns to the instrument-filled room. Her attention is on the blue acoustic guitar resting in its case close to the metal stool. She picks up the guitar and takes a seat. Her fingers press against the string on the neck and her other hand strumms to create the chord. The lyrics she wrote so long ago flow out of her. 

“You betrayed me And I know that you'll never feel sorry For the way I hurt, yeah You said I was priceless but you really meant worthless. It took you a second To pretend I was nothing Guess I should’ve known That you were always a liar.” 

Rafe's back rests against the stone, a tear slipping out of the corner of his eye and down his face. He was going to go in to check in on her but hesitates to fall through. She needs to say something to the universe and for once, Rafe isn’t going to take that away from her. He saw the way the bounce of her foot disappeared with the song. Instead, he plans to give her exactly what she needs. The guys are going to hate him for this. 

———

The crowd is electric as Rafe takes a second to breathe. He looks around the venue, searching to see if she is in the section for the musicians to watch the show. His eyes connect with Y/N’s. He can carry on with his plan. He rests a hand on the microphone and adjusts the earpiece in his ear. The mic stand tilts while he brings the mic closer to his mouth, “This next one is new. It’s not on any of our albums, but it is something that is long overdue.” He flicks his head toward Topper to start playing the song they worked all week to perfect in time. Rafe’s head bobs to the beat of the drum, waiting for his queue to jump in. He starts singing at the same time he strums the first chord.  

“I've gotta right my wrongs With you is where I belong You've been down from the go Recognition is what you want And it's something that I should know Something that I should know All the things that you went through I never meant to put you through it twice, no Tell me how can I right my wrongs That's something that I should know All the things that we been through I never meant to put you through it twice, oh no”

His eyes flicker to her and his heart drops at the tears running down her round cheeks. Every part inside of him wants to stop playing when he sees her go backstage. He gets through the set and the rest of the guys say goodbye to their fans. He is too distracted to give it his full attention. Once backstage, he removes his guitar and weaves through the crew and other musicians in a jog to get to the musicians’ lounge. Disappointment crosses him when he can’t find her. He spots Kie and runs over to his sister’s friend. “Where did she go?” he interrogates, eyes frantically scanning the room for her. Kiara’s eyes roll, “You seriously expect me to tell you after the stunt you just pulled.” His hands clasp together in a shake. “Please, Kie. I needed to do it. She had to know how sorry I was and music has always been our way to connect. It felt right,” he explains, trying to resist the urge to drop to his knees in front of everyone. 

“It’s seven years too late, Rafe.” 

“It’s only too late unless one of us is dead. I need to make sure she is okay. That she knows I mean what I wrote.” 

“I don’t think you are begging enough.” 

His head goes crooked and he follows her gaze to the floor. He swallows his pride and gets onto his knees, “Please, Kiara Carrera. Tell me where Y/N is.” Kie smiles in satisfaction. “I won’t tell you where she lives, but I will tell you where she works and you can keep going there until you happen to be there when she works,” Kiara grants, typing the location into his phone. 

———

The clouds outside make the afternoon dark, adding to Rafe’s loss of hope of not seeing Y/N. The news said it was supposed to rain tonight, but it said that about every day this week and it was wrong. There is a small skip in his step as he reaches for the handle of the coffee shop. An elderly lady stands in the doorway he opened, so he steps back and allows her to pass him. She gives him a small smile as she does. Freshly ground coffee beans and the sound of steam coming from the machine strike his senses. Lydia at the counter recognizes him and begins making his usual before he gets to the register. TJ already has his order punched into the system when he gets there. All Rafe has to do is pay. Once that is done, he sits at a booth sitting along the right wall to wait for his drink. This allows him to see the counter and the front door at the same time. He has been to the cafe every day this week. He only leaves when they close or when he has to practice at the venue. A week isn’t long, yet it still allows him to get to know the people working there. They couldn’t disclose when Y/N is working for privacy issues and he understood why. He would be more concerned if they did tell him no matter who he claimed to be. His name is called and goes up to get it. He reseats himself, opening his laptop to keep himself occupied. 

Lavender. It overpowers him in a good way. He glances toward the front door and she is there, walking further into the store with the most dazzling smile directed toward Lydia. “Look who finally showed up to work,” the barista calls out. Y/N laughs, “I haven’t been scheduled to work. You know that, Silly.” “I know. Work just goes a little slower without my work wife here to keep me company,” Lydia complains with a grin. Y/N hasn’t noticed him and a part of him wishes she never will so she never loses the joy he hasn’t gotten to see since he was sixteen. He considers ducking out before she can see him, except Lydia has other plans. “Oh, by the way, this guy has been coming in every day to see you. He’s sitting over there.” Y/N’s eyes follow Lydia’s finger to where Rafe sits.

She sighs, “My shift doesn’t start for another ten minutes. Is it okay if I…” TJ answers for the barista. “Yeah, take your time.” Y/N’s head bobs and she pulls the hood off from her head. The KCHS written across her chest causes his heart to ache. He gave her some of the money so that she could buy the hoodie. She must not have remembered that fact if she kept it. Her path turns to his table and she settles herself in the seat across from him. “The nerve you have to sing that apology like it can solve all of our problems and then stalk me at my place of work,” she grits through her teeth. He bites the corner of his lip, “Music was always how we connected. And I wanted to make sure you were okay. You ran off during my set.”

“You don’t get to pretend like we still have music after what you said about our mothers. You gave that right up a long time ago. You also aren’t allowed to pretend you care for me.”

He reaches out for her hand and she yanks it away. “The things that I said… They were my greatest mistake. I have never forgiven myself for not apologizing on the spot and I don’t expect you to do so either. I do hope that you know that I regret every single word I uttered that day, Rock Star,” he pleads. He tries to meet her eye, but she averts her gaze. “The world has been a much darker place since you left. I am so sorry that I caused you the pain that I did. I would do anything in this universe to tell my younger self to tell you the truth that day.” She can’t help herself, “And what was the truth, Rafe?” “That even though we hadn’t been on our date yet, I was madly in love with you. I love you with every fibre in my being and it scared me because I knew how much it would hurt if I lost you. Not only that, I was just a teen and stupid enough to think getting a laugh out of my friends was better than facing something new. I had never been so wrong in my entire life.” Her eyes gloss over and checks the time on her phone. She stands up without another word, breaking Rafe’s heart as she walks to the back room. 

The air comes out of his nose in high pressure. He understands her message and leaves Y/N’s place of work. It is hard to process the words he said. Her younger self would’ve loved to hear his declaration of love. She would’ve been so excited. A small part of her heart flutters at the reveal, no matter how angry she is at him. The worst is she genuinely believes he is remorseful of his actions.

Their issues couldn’t be fixed with one small apology; however, she would never forgive herself if she never saw where this could go. “I’m sorry. I’m going to take my break right now,” she informs her co-workers, not waiting for answers. She takes off her apron and throws it onto the ground. She runs out the door in hopes she can still catch him. The crowd makes her question her belief until she spots the blue flannel he is wearing. She threads herself through the people and is met with resistance. “RAFE,” she yells out. He freezes, spinning around to see her. He pushes his way to her and they stand before each other as wet spatters begin to hit their heads. He chances resting his hands on her elbow, delighting when she doesn’t flinch away from him. “I think I forgive you,” she says. The patter from the rain drowns out her words, so he places his forehead against hers to hear her better. His smirk reveals he does have an inkling of what she confessed, “What did you say?” She knows the game he is playing and rolls her eyes. “Forget it, I’m just going to go back to work,” she snarks, turning away to head back to the cafe. Rafe catches her wrist and tugs her against his chest.

Their lips finally connect in the way they have been waiting for for twenty-three years. Her soft petals press hard against him like a rock. He reciprocates the pressure, running his tongue along her lips to ask for entrance. The rainwater mixes in with their saliva as she allows him in. He remembers the jet ski that once drowned him and pulled away. “What about Knox?” he questions. She stares at him with big eyes, “We were never really dating. He is Viola’s brother. He knows our history and thought it would be fun to play around with you to keep you away.” 

“I see. That didn’t work out as you guys had planned, did it? I don’t think anything can keep me away from you once I realize how stupid I was.”

“No it did not… You need to know that just because I forgave you doesn’t mean everything is back to normal. We can’t go back to pretending that we are still the people we used to be. I’m not the girl I was seven years ago and you’ll have to regain my trust.”

“And I am prepared to do whatever it takes to gain back what I broke. As long as I can be by your side.” 

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming

[iateyourparents]

i want to write you a song | c.b.

pairing: colby brock x musician!fem!reader

summary: you were an artist. when you were heartbroken you didn’t just cry alone in bed. you’re just making something out of your emotions.

warnings: kinda angsty, break up, use of y/n, bad writing and grammar(i’m sorry, english isn’t my first language)

an: inspired by ‘I want to write you a song’ by One Direction. (btw guys i’m slowly running out of ideas so if you have something you would like to read you can request it/write to me or in comments <3)

pictures are from pinterest:)

You wanted to lie in bed all day. You really wanted to. But you weren’t this type of person, you couldn’t just lie all day while not doing anything but crying. It would just make you more frustrated.

So instead you just decided to pour your emotions on a paper and write a song.

You really wanted to make some energetic song where you would just badmouth your ex but you still loved him too much to do that, so instead you wrote a goodbye song for him. And it was really good.

“I want to write you a song, one as beautiful as you are sweet” you hummed to yourself trying to make a melody that would be perfect with your song.

“Already sounds great sweetie.” your manager, Ellie, said coming into your studio room. You deeply regreted giving her keys to your apartment. “What got you writing something like that? It doesn’t sound like love songs you made about Colby.”

“It’s a goodbye song for Colby. I actually wanted to call him an asshole and viagra taker but I just couldn’t make myself do that so I decided to do this. And I actually feel pretty good after writing this.” you shrugged and put your gituar in its place.

“Oh honey, what happend?” she sounded concerned.

“Colby broke up with me because he ‘didn’t felt as he should feel’ he just…wasn’t in love anymore.” you felt tears pricking at your eyes. Ellie gasped and hugged you tightly. “Don’t feel too bad, that song is amazing.” you laughed even though tears were already streaming from your eyes.

|||

“Okay guys, so I have this new song and you’ll be the first ones to ever hear it before it comes out today at midnight.” you told the crowd which started screaming with excitement. “That’s actually a form of a goodbye to someone who was, still is, important to me and even if we won’t ever talk again I want him to know I wish him the best.”

Well, maybe that wasn’t the best way to announce your break up to the world but whatever. It’s not like twitter and tik tok detectives weren’t starting to notice little things.

Music started playing right when you started playing your gituar and crowd got silent to listen better to new song.

“I want to write you a song, one as beautiful as you are sweet…” you continued singing and people started to get what you meant, and who you meant, in your little speech and well, you never heard a silence quite this loud.

“I want to write you a song. One to make your heart remember me, so anytime I’m gone you can listen to my voice and sing along. I want to write you a song.” you ended the song with tears in your eyes. Singing it out loud in front of thousands of people made you realize how real that situation was. You were no longer with Colby. And it still hurts.

You could see that some people in the crowd had shock on their faces and tears in their eyes. It was the first time ever it was so silent after you ended a song. And it felt weird but also so right.

It was like a minute of silence for you and Colby and for your relationship. For your memories.

You and Colby were popular couple. Many people said you’re the perfect example of right person in right time, so you knew these news would be heartbreaking for some of your fans.

“I know it’s probably a lot to take in just a moment but it actually felt good singing this out loud. Yeah, some chapters in life ends but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing waiting for us. New chapter is just a new chance and I’m gonna use it as best as I can.” you did a little speech and your fans finally recovered from the news you dropped at them and applaused for you. “I love you guys, I wouldn’t be here without you. I’m so fucking grateful for y‘all. See you soon!” as you were coming off the stage you could hear squeaks, shouting and clapping and it made you smile. You made it. And you will make it through this negative feelings. And you will be fine again.

|||

You were in a bar. It was your friend’s birthday party and as much as you liked her, this party sucked. Everybody was so sober and awkward that it made you want to leave.

“Oh hi.” you heard next to you. When you turned you saw Colby.

“Hi” you smiled to him. He looked really good. His black button up was revealing part of his chest and his beautiful blue eyes were shining in dim light “How are you?”

You tried to be civil with him. You were almost used to thought that you are no longer together. It still hurt, especially with world still talking about it since you announced it just few days ago even though you were broken up for few months.

“Good, thanks. And you?”

“Fine.” you smiled awkwardly. You stood in kind of awkward silence and just from looking at him you knew he wanted to tell you something but wasn’t sure how. “Just say it.”

“I like the song you wrote.” he finally choked out and you felt your heart squeezing. You didn’t expect him to start this topic but you just gulped and faked a giggle.

“Thank you.” when you wanted to say something else he stopped you with his words.

“I know I hurt you. I regret it like nothing else in my life but you deserve better. I just didn’t feel like I loved you enough. Not as much as you deserve to be loved. So I didn’t want to hurt you even more with pretending. But maybe…” he quickly shuted up and then changed his words, or rather tried to avoid saying what he started saying. “So I thought that would be better. But I still love you and think that in some way, I always will. But I think it’s better if you find your perfect match instead of being stuck with me. And it might seem cruel for me to say this now but I just wanted you to know that it would be impossible for me to forget someone like you. You changed my life, y/n.”

You wanted to say something but before you realized it he was out of your eyesight so you just sighed and took a sip of vodka.

|||

It’s been a month and you couldn’t stop thinking about Colby’s words.

Did he meant what you thought he meant?

He still loved you but didn’t think it was enough? Didn’t think he was enough for you?

You had so many questions and it made you sleepless trying to think what you should do or what are answers to these questions.

So now here you were, at Colby’s door in the middle of the night, still in your pajamas, hoping he was home.

You inhaled an air into your lungs and started knocking. Maybe more aggressive than you should but you just were desperate for answers and you couldn’t give up.

Finally moments later, the doors opened revealing sleepy Colby who looked at you confused and then he suddenly were more awake looking at you with concern.

“Everything okay? What happened? Are you hurt or in danger?” he looked over you as if to look for any visible wounds.

“Yes, I mean no.” you sighed and started explaining. “Since Doris’ birthday I can’t stop thinking about your words and it’s fucking crazy. Like, what did you mean?”

Colby could see desperation and tiredness in your eyes and it make him feel bad because he was the reason of your distress.

“I…”

You interrupted him.

“I thought about it so much that i got to a conclusion that you still love me but don’t want to be with me because you’re too… scared of something, like hurting me or whatever. And it hurts so much anyway because I don’t think I can function without you anymore what is so funny to me because I literally wrote a song to get over you. But it didn’t work because I still fucking love you and want you back and I hope i’m right and you also still love me because I think it will break me for good if I’m wrong and you don’t love me anymore. And I might sound so pathetic right now but I don’t care becau…”

This time he was the one who interrupted you. But with the way he did that, you couldn’t be mad.

He kissed you to make you shut up.

You gladly reciprocated the kiss and after a moment he took his lips away just to place his forehead on yours.

“You’re right. I’m still in love with you. But I just felt like my love wasn’t enough, that you deserve so much better. Someone who will always be able to show you his love and share your passions with you and…” now you were the one shutting him up with your lips.

“Don’t say anything. You’re so stupid, Colbs. You’re the only one I want, even if you have your own hobbies. And you showed me your love in a way I loved. I want you, only you.”

Colby smiled at you and took your hands to lead you inside his home.

“I’m so glad you were brave enough to come here because I missed you so much but was afraid to confront you after Doris’ party.” you laughed softly at that and squeezed his hand.

Maybe now you will be back to writing love songs about this man.

[spencerreidsbookfairy]

apologize

yallllllllllllll if you want this to be a series pls lmk and alsooo should she forgive them and not write songs about them or should she??/

I just sat there.  Listening to them but i wasn't gonna bitch out and change my set, my set was awesome my 3 grammys tell me that 

Stage time

The crowd is filled with famous faces im more nervous about the team then the other celebs that surrounded me as i walk on stage they give a kind clap i decide to shake the team a little bit as i remember they have no idea i heard them 

‘’ ahh guys im so grateful to be here ’ as you guys know i made the song what was i made for, for the barbie movie which was amazing and i can talk about it for hours  

but i will try and make this quick i don’t wanna have you guys fall asleep mid song.’’

The team is in my direct eye of sight i see each and every one of their faces drop especially spencers 

The instrumental starts playing

I used to float, now I just fall down

I used to know but I'm not sure now

What I was made for

What was I made for?  

I take a short  pause during that pause i look at the team who still looks uneasy after my comment

Good

Takin' a drive, I was an ideal

Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real

Just something you paid for

What was I made for?

I think in my head “the songs almost over three more songs and you'll never have to see those assholes again.’’

Think I forgot how to be happy

Something I'm not, but something I can be

Something I wait for

Something I'm made for

Something I'm made for.

The audience claps, genuine claps the faces of happy celebs that enjoyed my performance buried the insecurity that my songs, my career wasn't good enough the team also claps i assume its because they don’t wanna look bitter.

“Today has been such a blessing thank you guys so much.’’

I leave the stage leaving to my dressing room

I knew Spencer would try to come and find me but i didn't think he'd bring the team too.

‘’Hey.’’ spencer says his team practically hiding behind him

“ hey’’ i say back what else can i say my mind i all over the place

‘’ you were outstanding out there everyone loved you, im proud’’

Hm. proud.

‘’Proud? Proud of me? Or your team for not falling asleep mid song.”

The room was so quiet you could hear a strand of hair drop.

‘’I would say it isn't what it sounded like but that wouldn't be true.”

His team is looking at each other figuring out if they should say something

The peppy girl garcia says something first, well she tries to

“ we owe you such-”

“No.”

“No?” she says voice shaky

“You didn't say anything wrong matter of fact you were the only one who defended me, not even he did” I say as I point a finger at Spencer who just looks down in shame and guilt.

“Listen y/n you gotta understand we just want  what's best for reid-”

“Exactly’’ jj chimes in “it's nothing personal were just overprotective” she says with a nervous giggle

“Obviously we were immature and went way too far to attack your profession’’ emily says breaking her silence

Now, i'm a sensitive person i can’t help but choke up while trying to stick up for myself against 5 people 

“i..’ ‘ you can hear me about to cry i look down so i don’t have to see their pity faces 

Where did my confidence go why can’t i talk without crying

“I just wanted to impress you guys with this performance you guys were so cool and nice in my eyes”

They all look so guilty when they can literally hear the cry in my throat.

‘’And you” i say while looking at spencer ‘’ you made me feel like you understood me, understood my music, why i make music.’’ 

“I do!” spencer tries to defend 

‘’ no, or else you would have DEFENDED me instead of bitching out and agreeing with your friends’’

I have never been in a room this quiet

“Anyway i wanna get home and shower its been a long day’’

I get up to walk away and spencer tries to stop me but i pull away and grab my stuff and leave

Prove them right. Make a song about them.

[ashwhowrites]

Ask her part 3

Part 1

Part 2

Buckle up, we've got a hell of a ride

18+ no real smut but suggestive language, and a girl fight

This is barely proofread so we can ignore grammar errors lol. I hope you guys love it!! Thanks again for all the support and notes. I am also doing requests so feel free to send some in and check out my master list :)

The weekend was over and everyone was back to being pissed off on a Monday morning, especially Y/N. She was exhausted and drained. She didn't want to admit it to herself or Robin, but she missed Eddie so badly. She hates that she's not in charge of how she feels. She hates that she keeps wishing he would suddenly pull his head out of Chrissy's small skirt and see she was here all along. After all, they are best friends. Couldn't he see how good they could be? "Alright, You moped all weekend, last week, and the week before that. You are done starting today. " Robin said, pressing herself against the locker near Y/N. "Robin, we have been over this. I am fine. " Y/N sighed but shut her locker with a smile on her face, trying to fool Robin. "It really harms me that you think I can't see how fake that smile is, and I don't appreciate liars." Robin replied with a smile of her own, one that's cocky and teasing. Before Y/N could respond, a voice called from down the hall. Chrissy's voice.

"Y/N!" was yelled, more like screeching from the end of the hallway. Y/N's head quickly whipped to see a Chrissy marching her way to Y/N's locker. "This should be good." When Y/N glared over, Robin quickly dropped her smile. "What do you want, Chrissy?" Y/N just wanted to get to the point so she could get on with her day and ignore all of this teenage drama. She truly believed she would be better than the typical girl who fell in love with her best friend and became entangled in a love triangle. "I just thought you would like to know that Eddie dumped me last night." Y/N felt a smile slowly appear on her face. She tried to not let it show. “I am so sorry to hear that. "Goodbye." Y/N replied as she began to walk down the hallway, but came to a stop when Chrissy yanked her arm. "I am talking to you." She sneered. "Get your hands off of me or I will shove your pom-poms-" She was cut off by Robin yanking Chrissy's arm off of Y/N, "I wouldn't do that again." Chrissy dropped her hands in an innocent gesture. "Why is it my fault, Chrissy? Because everything else is, right? I mean, it's my fault you two even met and became friends. I basically handed you him on a platter, and like an animal, you snatched him up the first second you got. " Y/N and Chrissy were head to head now. Both gazes are filled with similar emotions: anger, betrayal, and a tint of hurt. Neither noticed the huge crowd starting to form.

"Let me ask you this, Chrissy, when the HELL did you even begin to like Eddie? When your ex-boyfriend made his life a living hell for him, when your friends giggle behind his back? Don't you remember all the things you would say about him? You couldn't believe that I would like someone like him. You said him, as if he was worth less than a human being. Chrissy, that boy is it for me. He was it for me. And you just took him. " Y/N's voice was going in and out; some parts were strong and some were weak. Her eyes were clouded with wet tears, but she would not cry in front of her. She does not deserve that satisfaction. "Look, you can't blame me for taking my shot at a single boy. He isn't yours to claim. " Chrissy's words just angered Y/N more. "To claim? He is not a pawn for you to own! He is beautiful, so creative, smart, funny, and loving. He's more than what you see in him, more than you would ever see in him. He isn't meant to be with you. You don't even know his favorite song, or Wayne's favorite mug. You don't know the names of his Hellfire characters Have you ever heard him sing? Do you know anything about it other than what his mouth tastes like? " Robin let out a small deep breath "Babes, let's bring it down." But Y/N did not care one bit. If Chrissy wanted a fight, she was going to get a fight. "You do not get to have everything. You don't get to be head cheerleader, prom queen, straight A student, loved by everyone, the queen, and able to be with Eddie. You have it all, Chrissy. Why couldn't you just let me have this one thing? " By now, the tears were falling. She hates that she doesn't even know when they started. But seeing Chrissy's bitchy exterior begin to crack made it worth it. Chrissy was finally beginning to feel guilty. Maybe because she knew she ruined her chance to truly get to know Eddie, maybe because she kept two people away that were made for each other, or maybe because she was breaking multiple hearts at once. The halls were silent. Everyone was staring at the girls, waiting to hear the last word.

 Then Y/N felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked at Robin, but Robin looked behind her. She realized the hand was firm, large, and cold pieces of metal stung her skin through her shirt. "Baby," he whispered so quietly, she couldn't even tell if he was truly there. But the sensation of his breath passing through her skin and ears told her otherwise. "Please, Eddie, not now." And before she knew it, she ran.

Eddie looked at Robin with a silent nod and said, "I'll be there in one second." Then he set his brown eyes on Chrissy. "Eddie I..I." "What the fuck did I tell you? I told you to stay the hell away from her. " That same cold tone was back. Chrissy almost wished he would just yell; it might've been less scary. "You used to think of me the same way everyone else did, huh?" "Eddie, it wasn't like that." Chrissy tried to explain, but Eddie did not have the energy for more of her lies. "Stop fucking lying through your teeth. I can't believe you knew she would be the girl for me, and you didn't even give her the chance to tell me. She deserved that chance, Chrissy, and she sure as hell deserved it more than you. " "Stay away from both of us." He added as he followed the direction of Y/N.

It turned out to be a lot easier to find Y/N than he thought. She was leaning against his van, hands covering her face and shoulders shaking. "Baby, come on." He opened his passenger door and led her in. He ran to the other side and slid into the driver's seat. No words were said as he pulled out of the parking lot. Soft music, on low, plays through his banged-up speakers. He kept his eyes on the road, but he felt her gaze on him.

 She knew she shouldn't be in his van staring at him. All her hurt and tears were caused because of him, and yet, here she is running back into his arms. She was weak, but he made everything feel better when she was like this. She had no one else to run to. No one got her like he did, and vice versa. She knew he felt guilty, but he deserved to. Selfishly, she wanted him to feel even worse than he did—heartbroken even. But how can you ignore someone as gorgeous as he was? His eyes were child-like, always full of life and excitement. His hair was crazy and curly; she dreamt of running her hands through it as they lay under the stars. His hands, oh his hands, were so big, veiny, and firm. His hand always swallowed hers when she dragged him to every store at the mall. His arms always held comfort. All the problems in the world didn't exist when she was wrapped up in him. His fingers were always accessorized in metal jewelry. Half the rings came from her. She smiled at the fact that he never takes them off. She used to have to take them off each finger before they went to bed. She wonders if he has been remembering to take them off the past few weeks, as she hasn't been around. Even his smell, which lingered on her clothes, filled her with warmth. She never knew she could love the smell of weed, cigarettes, and cologne enough to cover it all. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice when they pulled up to his trailer. Her door opened and a smiling Eddie stood on the other side. "Follow me, m'lady." He followed with a bow.

He led her to his bed, freshly cleaned to get rid of any trace of Chrissy. She silently sat next to him, hands in her lap, eyes trained on the floor. "Let's talk this out. I miss you." He said as he reached his hand over to hers. And just like that, his hand swallowed hers, and the tears fell. "Oh baby, no don't cry." He leaned on the floor in front of her. His hands held her cheeks. She sniffled.

"Why Eddie? What makes her so special?" Hearing how hurt, broken, and insecure she sounded broke his heart. "I didn't know she knew how you felt, baby. I would never have gotten with her if I knew how you felt. " "I know, but it still feels like you picked her. I mean, fuck, she's Chrissy and I'm just me. " He shook his head. "No, she's just Chrissy, you are you! I am in love with you because you are my best friend. You helped me with Hellfire. You co-wrote most of the band's songs. You knew everything about me and still chose to pick me. This is the time I get it right. This is the time I pick you. " Her heart fluttered at his words. "Eddie, I need more than words from you. I'm still hurt. And once you knew about my feelings, you just made fun of them.” His fingers were delicately swiping the wetness from under her eyes. He nodded along, listening closely. "And I am deeply sorry for all of that, but I promise I will make this up to you." He kissed her cheek "Enough for today; how about we get some sleep? Nothing beats the day like a good ditching school nap." He smiled cheekily as she laughed. She quickly changed into one of his old shirts, back towards him, but the sight still made him blush. He removed his own shirt and pants, sliding under the covers. She joined, and he blushed deeper, knowing she only didn't have pants on when her legs entangled with his. They've done this before, but knowing how they each feel for one another, it felt different, it felt closer.

The next morning, some things were back to being the same. Y/N didn't ignore Eddie, but she still hadn't been around him as much as he hoped. But he knows he has to give her space, which allows him to think of his plan to fix everything.

 Step 1: Pick up the pieces of her broken heart.

 Eddie found Y/N and Robin talking at her locker, deeply in thought. "Excuse me, ladies." Eddie said as he sprinkled pieces of red and pink construction paper all over the floor at Y/N feet. "Um, Eddie, what are you doing?" She asked, confused as she peered down at him. "Well my love, these pieces of paper here are to represent your heart. And a good old friend of yours once told me I needed to pick them up with my own hands, so," he continued as he picked every single piece up off of the floor. I pocket the scraps with a proud smile. Robin gave him an approved nod and a smile. "That's so cheesy." Y/N, but he could hear the tease in her words. A smile and blush appeared on her face. "And the pieces will be safe and sound in this pocket as I work to put it together." He pecked her cheek and raced down the hall to catch one of the hellfire boys.

 "What the hell was that?" She turned to Robin, still surprised by the sweet action. "It looks like he's getting his head back in the correct place. And might I say, I give the best advice. " Robin added with a proud smile. She hooked her arms around Robins and laughed as they went down the hallway to class.

Step 2:Take her by surprise.

 "Let's go on a date. Just you and me. " Eddie blurted out of nowhere. Y/N almost choked on the blunt she was smoking. "Are you high?" She laughed. "Technically yes, but I know I want to go on a date with you. I'm making this up for you, remember? So, a date that I'll plan to make you feel special. Like you deserve." She doesn't know if it was the weed, the heat of his room, or him, but she felt like she was on fire. Eddie is always unpredictable, never knowing what he has planned or what he's going to say. But this is what she wanted, right? So she wasn't going to question it and think it over. She was going with her heart. "Yes."

 A few hours later, she wished she had asked more questions. She has no idea what to wear, how to do her hair, how much makeup is acceptable, or what shoes to wear. "You are stressed out. Let's just breathe. " Robin encouraged him from the bed. "Robin, I cannot just breathe. This is a date with Eddie!" she exclaimed and threw herself on her bed. Robin laughed and added, "Exactly, it's Eddie. He isn't going to care how you look." Y/N knew Robin was right, but she was still filled with nerves. "I should have asked for details. I need to know what we are doing to plan ahead. " She huffed out, "Either way, he's going to tear off whatever you wear and make up smeared, so don't try so hard." Robin was met with a punch in the shoulder. "I am not fucking him on the first date!" She laughed, a blush growing across her cheeks. Robin just gave her a look and wiggled her eyebrows. Well, now Y/N was even more nervous.

Step 3: Demonstrate your desire for her

 Y/N finally decided on a simple outfit. Knowing Eddie, it would be a casual date, quiet and alone. She wore her favorite pair of jeans and a sweater that Eddie bought her for Christmas one year. She left her hair natural and did very simple makeup. She decided to dress as she would for school. Not over the top, but enough to show she did put in an effort. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her front door. Confused as to who would be knocking at her door, she raced down. When she opened the door, she was face-to-face with Eddie. Not just any Eddie, but an Eddie with his hair tied back in a low bun. He had lost the curls covering his forehead and framing his face. A bright smile on his face, pink cheeks, and teeth gleaming. He was in a band tee, with his usual leather jacket placed on his arms and ripped jeans that hugged his small waist. She felt the drool going down her chin at this point. "Well baby, it's not polite to stare or leave a gentleman on your front step." "He said with a cheeky smile. He feels confident in how he looks to get her speechless. She huffed, "Yeah right." "Come on in." She was embarrassed to have been caught, but he wasn't wrong. Then she noticed a bouquet of roses. "And these are for you." Now his cheeky smile was gone, replaced with a shy smirk. hands gripping the flowers tightly. She smiled and took them from his hands. "Thank you, Eds. They are beautiful. She ran to the kitchen to put them in a vase right away. The red was beautiful, but one caught her eye-"the white one?" She questioned Eddie silently kicked his foot forward with a small shrug, "I wanted one to stand out. kinda like how you do to me. " She giggled at his cheesiness. "Aw, Ed's so romantic," she said as she pinched his cheeks. "Okay, okay, enough." He laughed as he grabbed her hands off of his face and laced his hand with hers.

Step 4: Kiss the girl

Feeling more excited than ever, Eddie was pacing backstage. He kept peaking his head out of the curtain to make sure she was still there. Every time he caught her eye, she'd smile and send a wave. He knew she wouldn't just get up and leave, but he was still terrified at the possibility.

As the lights went down and the crowd cheered, Eddie and the band made their way out. He winked at his girl sitting on her bar stool and took her place in the center. " Tonight we are playing a new song, an original, and it's dedicated to my beautiful girl." His eyes locked on hers, and she gasped. She did not think the new song was written by him or for her. She sat up straighter and listened throughout the whole song.

As the show ended, she couldn't sit still in her seat. She wanted to wrap her arms around Eddie and kiss him until they couldn't breathe. She felt her body heat up. The sight of him sweating and playing the guitar was always a sight to see. But she used to have to hide this attraction, but now she could act on it, and she definitely planned to. The second she felt his breath hit her ear, she turned around and threw her arms over his neck. He was caught off guard by the sudden action but smiled. "Did you like it?" She could hear the insecurity in his voice. He was nervous that his sudden vulnerability might backfire on him. She couldn't put it into words, so she went with action instead. She slowly leaned in, her eyes boring into his. letting him know what she was influencing. His eyes went huge when their noses touched. They both thought this was it. I am not sure who leaned in the furthest, but before they knew it, their lips touched. They smashed their bodies as close to one another as they could. She felt his chains on his pants dig into her bare thighs, but she didn't care. She could feel the rumble of his moan against her chest, causing her to gasp. Eddie took advantage of her surprise and slipped his warm tongue into her mouth. He hummed at the taste of her cherry gloss, beer, and mint gum. She felt her insides burn as she tasted his tongue. It was soft but firm. He took control of the kiss. Putting his hands on her waist, he tugged her even closer. Losing air, he began to pull away. But she chased his lips and pecked as he pulled away. "That was." But he had no words. Neither did she. A kiss that was long in the making. She smiled and yanked his hair closer to her. A groan ripped from his throat and lust filled his eyes. "Kiss me again, pretty boy." He felt his jeans get tight at the name. She was going to be the death of him.

Step 5: Pick the right girl

 

Ever since that Tuesday night at the hideout, they have been all over each other. The Hellfire boys gag as they kiss at lunch. Robin teases Eddie about how he basically devours Y/N's mouth every morning at their locker. And well, Chrissy felt a pain in her chest every time Y/N made Eddie blush and smile.

 

She knew they were going to get together. The whole reason Eddie broke up with her was so he could be with Y/N, but that doesn't stop the bitterness and pain seeing him move on causes. She needed to know if there was any room left in his heart to forgive her. She understood what she did was wrong, but she didn't want him to hate her. She finally found Eddie alone, waiting outside of the hellfire room. She guessed it had just ended as she was leaving practice at the same time. She silently walked up to him with a nervous smile. "Hey Eddie, can we talk?" The look she received was not friendly nor inviting. She felt herself shrink under it. "Nothing to talk about." He huffed out as he straightened his back, making him even taller than her. "I just want to say I'm really sorry. You guys look so happy and I'm sorry I tried to ruin that." She sounded so genuine that Eddie started to soften. "I mean, it's not okay and what you did was wrong, but I'll make amends." A smile lit up her face, and she hugged him. He got stiff and patted her back. Chrissy knew it was so wrong to do it, but being this close to him again caused her to remember how close they used to be. She couldn't stop herself in time when she leaned on her tiptoes and kissed his lips.

 

Eddie went frozen in shock. His brain wasn't understanding what the hell was going on. Before his brain could catch up with his actions, he heard a small voice. "Eddie?" It squeaked out. It was almost like it was hard to say. He knew that voice; it was Y/N. He yanked his hand away from Chrissy. Panic set in as he made eye contact with her. She was already crying, pain and betrayal laced in her eyes. "Baby, it's not what you think." He stated as he grabbed her hands. He felt relieved when she didn't pull away. She looked up at him closely. "She kissed me. You have to believe me. " He pleaded.

 

She could hear the genuineness in his voice. She knew Eddie better than anyone, and she knew he was not a cheater. Seeing him terrified and nervous raised anger in her. But not at him, at Chrissy. Once again, she was trying to rip them apart, and this time, she wasn't going to let her win. She yanked her hands out of Eddie's, ignoring his whimper at her actions. She marched up to Chrissy and smacked her clear across the face. Chrissy and Eddie gasped. The silent hallways echoed with the sound of Y/N's right hand connecting to Chrissy's cheek. "I mean it, you stay the fuck away from my boyfriend." Chrissy quickly ran away, crying and holding her cheek. Eddie whistled as Y/N turned back to him. "Boyfriend, huh?" He teased. But the smile quickly fell when he saw the dark look in Y/N's eyes. "I think I need to remind everyone of who you belong to, pretty boy." She grabbed his hand and yanked him into the nearest bathroom. Once again, his cock twitched in his jeans, hearing the name. By God, he hopes she'll forever call him pretty boy.

Tags!

@toobsessedsstuff @lail1010 @tiannamortis

@ladysteddie @eris-rose-86 @herroyalhighnessqueenmomo  @sage-the-z0mbie @maystecc @sushihousebread @my-tearsricochet @spaceconveyor

[lilishivert14]

Hi you can call me Vee, this is my first time writing fics for the Bear! this is also my very first story! also a little disclaimer english isn’t my first language so please bear with me!

summary: You borrow carmen’s jacket leaving your ipod in his pocket by mistake, one day he’s walking back home and finds your ipod in his pocket, where he sees a playlist called, “Carmen🧸”

disclaimer: english is my first language please go easy on me😭 hopefully there are no typos, i wrote it in a rush😭 requests open! a few mentions of being a queen fan, sorry couldn’t help myself, but i can make changes if anyone wants a customised one, being a swifte etc😭

Invisible String

Carmy walked home in his jacket that now smelled of you, he could smell your favourite perfume that always sent a chill down his spine. He smiled lightly thinking of you, it had been 2 years since you came into his life, helping him set up the Bear.

he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel for you.

you came into his life roaring, miss sunshine, a full swiftie and the biggest heart he’d ever seen.

you had seen him at his worst. crying, panic attack, missing Mikey, guilt, family trauma stress oh so much stress. you were there through it all, the good the bad and the ugly and you loved it. loved him everything.

tugging his hand in pocket he found your ipod, intrigued he opened it, he loved your taste in music, you were a big queen fan, like loved freddie mercury, he smiled of that night when all the staff went to a karaoke night, you sang your little heart out that night, you were so out of tune smiling all drunk, but for him it’s like time had stopped, all he saw was you, in the vibrant blue lights of the club all of you went to.

he smiled scrolling your multiple playlists, tracks stopping on the one labelled “Carmen🧸”

mind racing, heart beating he mindlessly clicked on it.

Delicate by Taylor Swift

he played it as he walked home, hanging on every word of miss swift.

Dive bar on the East Side, where you at?

Phone lights up my nightstand in the black

Come here, you can meet me in the back

Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you

Oh damn, never seen that color blue

Just think of the fun things we could do

he looked down at his dark jeans and nikes, that colour blue? you hadn’t told him but you fell in love with his eyes. you two always had a flirty banter, but this made it real.

Is it cool that I said all that?

Is it chill that you're in my head?

he was in your head? his mind raced, heart was beating fast, he could feel his palms get sweaty as he rubbed them on his dark jeans. not wanting the night to end.

the song came to an end as the next track played, the gap of silence between the two, he walked faster than ever only his path changed. he walked to your house. the urge was sudden, unexpected even. but he knew it now or never.

then came along, invisible string

oh this one he had heard, spending nights together exchanging song recommendations, the night you found out you went to the same coffee shop when you were teenagers.

there was an invisible string that always tied you and him. a string of gold finally flourishing as carmy paced towards the door of your apartment.

knocking rapidly, he bruised his knuckles. he didn’t care once he saw a sleepy you, messy hair, wearing his favourite sweatshirt.

“what happened?” you asked sleepily.

that’s it. he kissed you, you fit perfectly together. you kissed back. hands wrapping around his head reaching up to grip his curls. pulling him inside. slamming the door behind you two. don’t worry, you two would talk tomorrow, but right now, you had him and he had you, his invisible string.

[mirrorballhughes]

i miss you, im sorry | luke hughes x adelaide hunter

based on the gracie abrams song (kindaish) and also based kinda on tsitp :) this is a drafted story im gonna post to wattpad 👀 but this is when luke is leaving UMich for good, and doesnt say anything to adelaide since the pair broke up. giving you some angst kinda😊 this is my first time writing off hand and not using tv show plots for my storyline so pls lmk if you like it and if u want more !!!

once the game finished, adelaide rushed to the dressing room to congratulate the boys for winning the game. ade stood outside watching the doors slam lightly open, the girl smiled seeing mackie and rutger walk out. the boys didnt looks so happy. “whats with the long faces? you guys killed it today!!!” the blonde girl smiled stopping the boys in their places. the two were whispering to each other ade though she might of heard, “she doesnt know?” “he didnt tell her?” come from the pair. before she could ask mark, ethan and duker came out with the same look on their faces. the rest of the team exited the dressing room. adelaide looked at the team, not seeing that curly hair she still adored. he always stuck out to her. ‘for adelaide, luke is the sun. and when the sun comes out, the stars disappear.'

“wheres luke?” the boys looked around at each other, mark took a step up closer to the girl. “he just left dells. you didnt know? hes leaving for jersey tonight.” the words simply didnt sound real to her. why didnt luke say anything to her before he left? her hand started shaking, the 43 jersey on her back was itchy. she didnt feel real. sure the pair broke up, but the girl always thought it was mutual. they couldnt not just stop being friends, their families being friends they were always connected almost like a single thread of gold tied them together. “how long ago.” the words came out inbetween shaky breaths. “just now. addie you might make it to him.” ethan smiled grabbing the girl’s shoulders in hopes that would make her feel better. “move out of the way!” ade pushed through the group of boys and started running down the corridor. tears were hot and falling from her face.

her footsteps got louder. her ears were ringing, she heard other footsteps behind her knowing the team was following her. this damn jersey was making her so itchy. adelaide wants the best for her boy, but she wished he could’ve said goodbye to her. she was his biggest supporter. even still wearing his jersey to their games. after they broke up, she loved seeing face when he realizes whos jersey she was wearing. it warmed her up inside. but now this jersey was making her ill. she looked up seeing his curly hair, she stopped in her place as she felt like she was gonna be sick. all the blonde wanted to do was say “i miss you. i just want my boy back.” but she knew that couldnt happen.

I MISS YOU

luke had just left the dressing room. he finished saying his goodbyes to his teammates. he was gonna miss playing with his friends, but the NHL was his dream. the curly haired boy kept walking down the corridor saying goodbye to the people walking the other way from him. he couldnt bring himself to say goodbye to his girl scratch that not his girl, but she will always still be his girl. the boy was surprised she showed up wearing his jersey. he thought she wouldve asked mark for his or anyone else on the team. but even when they werent talking she still wore his jersey loud and proud.

loud footsteps approached him. “LUKE!!!” he knew that voice all too well. “WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME.” that made him stop in his place. luke shook his head and kept walking. the footsteps followed, adelaides tears fell quicker. he could tell she was crying, he cant give an reaction. he doesnt want to be a dick, but he knows once he turns around hes gonna pull addie in for a hug, pick her up and kiss her. leaving UMich was hard for him just because of her. he missed his girl. luke just wanted addie back with him in his arms, watching some dumb movie as the girl can recite it with like back of her hand. the way she looked in the morning. going out for breakfast. her watching him and the boys practice.

the no contact with each other was unbearable. the lingering tension was crazy. the ex couple both could pounce on each other in any minute and kiss each other so passionately. ade stayed in her place looking at the boy who stood still like time stopped. she wiped her eyes in hopes he would speak. “lu, are you gonna say anything?” her voice broke. luke felt so shitty, but he knows this is for the better. he would stop everything for adelaide hunter but his dream is standing in the way of the two. he wants to leave UMich but if he even looks at the blonde he would just cave in and chase right after her. “ill see you at the lake house el.” and with that luke hughes opened the doors, walked out tears forming in his eyes. he blinked a few times in hopes they would go away.

IM SORRY

“LU.” adelaide chased after him, getting stopped by mark. the taller boy pulled her into his chest, holding her face as he watched the hughes boy walk away from UMich for good. “dells you okay?” he pushed hair out of her face looking down at the girl. “no.” adelaide let go of mark and took that jersey off, leaving her in her blue long sleeve she had on under it. she looked down at the jersey, her fingers ran down the numbers and his name, as tears welled in her eyes. “come on. im sure he will reach out soon.” mark wrapped his arm around his shoulders, walking to where the rest of the group was. “we can see him on the big screen too ade! this is his dream. i knew he meant well.” duker pulled the girl out of marks arm and hugged her. “its gonna work out in the end. just trust me.”

[blushblushbear]

'This is torture.'

Fuyu sat at the open door, looking wistfully out at the sky, as a breeze blew through.

You had been away for just two days on business, and the whole time he had truly felt your absence.

On the first morning he awoke without you laying next to him he was almost certain, he was going to cry. And going back to bed that night alone left him just as restless.

He had been used to a lonely home and an empty bed. Years of solitude had made him accustomed to the somber feeling of isolation. Before you, he would've shrugged it off as for the best. A pain worth feeling for the duty he must see through. He would've bared it all with an expressionless face and a stone cold will.

But that was before you. Back before he tried living again. Back before he started to truly feel like himself again. And now that he was here, that he was himself again, that he finally found respite from the grief and solace--

he couldn't stand it.

He had missed you before. Had seen you depart plenty of times. But somehow now, it was different.

More hallow. More Sorrowful. More painfully, achingly lonely.

It this what people meant when they say something 'hits different'?

Hm, perhaps. But no matter to him right now. He's too busy being consumed by his sorrows.

Wallowing in his deep regrets...

Mourning all his mistakes and the time they had wasted...

As he continued to stare listlessly at the open sky, watching the clouds roll past and hearing the rustle of the trees as the cup of tea he held warmed his hands-- he felt so empty. So very very empty...

'This softened heart of mine...' he thought, 'it's so much more tender... so easily pained... what a pitiful beast I've become...'

As he let out a sigh and took a sip of his tea, he suddenly heard the front door open.

In a flash he was on his feet and making his way to it.

"Fuyu--" he heard your voice as he approached and he felt his heart leaping, "I'm hom-- oh! There he is!"

You were setting your bags down but the moment your eyes met his face you beamed. And in that moment Fuyu felt his heart warm and ache all at once. Just seeing you home felt like such a comfort, and all you were doing was setting down your things...

"God you're a sight for sore eyes. You would not believe the--" You paused your small talk as you looked back up at him, "Fuyu? What's wrong?" suddenly your face was painted with concern and Fuyu snapped into self awareness.

He had been frozen at the sight of you. Overcome with a sense of relief, and his eyes were beginning to water. He hadn't noticed, until he saw your smile, how uneasy and deary his mind had become. His relapse into loneliness had had him spiraling into sorrow.

He was still processing his state he looked towards you, and your expression turned sympathetic, as you spread your arms wide.

"Come here Love." Your voice was like a song and two arms had never looked so welcoming. He practically stumbled forward, landing on his knees before you, your arms wrapping warm around him as he barred his face in your chest.

He clung to you like a frightened child. He had never been so vulnerable around another person. And you were responding with a loving kindness he did not deserve.

You let out a soft laugh as you asked,

"Did you miss me?"

You were joking a bit, but his response from coming from his very soul.

"Yes." He said, holding you tighter.

You laughed again, sweet and sympathetic. Then you held him tighter too, and you felt so warm and real.

"I missed you too."

You two stood there like that for a moment, basking in the warmth of each other's arms. Then Fuyu felt a gentle hand pet his hair,

"How about I go make us some tea, and you can rest your head on my shoulders as you tell me all about it, Love?"

Fuyu's hands gripped you lightly,

"N-not yet... I..." he nuzzled his face into your stomach, "I need another moment... Just a bit longer..."

You smiled, kissed the top of his head, and held him once more.

"Of course dearest."

[keeksandgigz]

a shot in the darkest dark

steve harrington x commitment issues! fem!reader

i fucking love writing angst and this is also my very first steve work! tiny little blurbie for now cause I've been obsessed w Steve and this song

cw: unrequited love, reader has committment issues, one instance of self deprecating language, no physical description of reader, just lots of rly sad stuff

word count: 1.5K

"Awww, Steve, look! It's such a nice desk" you'd said, pointing at an oakwood desk while absentmindedly looking at furniture at a big Indianapolis mall.

Steve seemed to be in his own world, as he paced around the aisles, looking at tables, chairs, patio decor. He'd taken you out of Hawkins for the day, a little date that didn't involve movies or aimlessly walking around the small downtown area.

You hadn't been dating for too long, and to your wishes, he was taking things slow with you. You'd been so lovely to him, though and him to you.

He'd take you out on dates and pay the bill, drive you around when you needed to clear your head and kiss you goodnight at your doorstep. It was too good to be true.

For the past six months, Steve Harrington had been at your beck and call at every hour of every day, eager to see you, be with you, literally do anything as long as it was with you.

His only flaw was falling in love too fast.

"Oh yeah, it's really nice. I can get it for our first apartment" he dug into your side, smiling. The future was all he worried about, his beautiful picket- fence dream that he'd always wanted.

It made you uncomfortable, how easily he was able to talk about moving in together, starting a family, getting married. Your mind didn't work like that. You took a step away from him, an awkward laugh escaping you.

"I need to get a scarf, it's starting to get cold in Hawkins, come with me?" you'd said, swallowing the guilt that came from dismissing his dreams.

You'd thought you could have made it work. Steve was a lovely guy, so devoted to you he'd damn year kiss and worship the ground you walked on. But everything was too good. It wasn't something you thought you deserved.

You'd paid close attention to him, for any flaw that could have given you an excuse to go, but he was too perfect.

"Yeah, uh- of course, honey. Maybe we should come here during Christmas, I heard they do some really nice markets. I could get you something nice" he'd suggested, putting his arm around you. You breathed through your nose.

"Yeah- yeah that sounds nice." You whispered, as you walked over to Sears.

The day went about the same after that. He'd come across a little baby onesie with stars on them.

"Look honey, isn't it so cute?" he smiled. You had to hold back a grimace at his implication.

He looked at the window of a real estate agency, taking account of what a four bedroom home in Idianapolis would cost. Planning to save his money from his shiny new accounting firm job.

"Ooh" he cooed "that house is real nice, don't you think baby?" he pointed at a white picket- fence light blue home with a big front yard.

"Yeah, it's really nice" you said "Steve, I'm kinda tired. Can we go home?" you'd protested, hoping he'd just drop you at your house and you could cry it out, wondering what was wrong with you for not wanting what many girls your age wanted. Stability. A family.

"For sure, honey. Want to stay over at mine's? We can grab a movie and get some pizza or something" he said, kissing your temple.

The fact that he was okay with you taking your time didn't mean that he took his. He was a speeding train running at full speed ahead, while you felt like you were biking behind him, feeling left out from this feeling of love and devotion that he continuously showed you.

"Uh, no, thank you, Steve. I have work in the morning" you lied. You didn't want to see him. The guilt would have only grown stronger, until you could not have taken it anymore.

The drive home was surprisingly quiet. Steve chalked it up to you being tired. He knew crowded places overwhelmed you.

After an hour and a half of complete silence, he pulled up in the street where you lived.

"Oh look, baby, a dog! I've always wanted one like that, maybe we can get one-"

"Steve just fucking stop it!" you'd interrupted him, banging on the dashboard. He braked hard in the middle of the empty street.

"Jesus, babe, what's wrong?" he said "Sorry for braking this hard" as he parked up the curb.

You breathed "Sorry, Steve. I-I can't do this." you whispered.

You breathed "Sorry, Steve. I can't do this. This is moving so incredibly fast” you exhaled, letting the boulder weighing on your chest slowly crumble, and you with it. 

“I’m sorry, I’m- I’m not sure I understand. Can’t do what?” he said, nearing his head towards yours. Wanting to be close to you, wanting to hear your thoughts. You retracted from him, now heaving.

The air in the car felt so incredibly stuffy as you unfastened your seatbelt and got out, heading towards your front porch. He followed you suit, cursing yourself for wanting to let him go.

You were leading him on with false hopes of a future you didn't want. You needed to free him before it was too late. The crisp November air turned your breaths into vapor, tinging your noses red. He'd forgotten his coat in the car.

"I just- I can't do this. I can't do us. This is... too much. The moving in and the house and the kids and the dog and the family stuff. I can't Steve I don't want this" you rambled. And that's when the waterworks started. Mascara running down your cheeks, loud sobs populating the otherwise quiet cul de sac.

He got closer to you, but you backed away once again. He didn't need to be that close, not when you were trying to let him go.

"Baby... what- I- I had no idea, I just- I" he was helplessly stuttering. Your chest was aching watching his eyes gloss over ever so slightly, you swore you could hear his heart break.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I tried. I tried so incredibly hard to see what you saw and I fucking hate myself for not being able to. You're so great, you've been such a lovely boyfriend and I need you to know, because I don't wanna lead you on. I care so much about you but-"

"You don't love me" he interrupted you. A whisper. Barely audible, but loud enough that you could hear the hurt in his voice "It's been six months. You don't love me?" he continued. A breath caught in your throat as you tried to answer that you did try, you did care for him.

You just didn't love him how he did. You knew you were doomed since you'd started going out.

The world went quiet, but not in your ears, a loud whistle kept you on alert, wishing you could crawl inside and hide under your bed forever.

Steve's eyes became clouded with tears as the silence between you became the loudest response he could have ever gotten.

He didn't want to let you go, but being led on for six months had hurt more than he'd expected. He wanted you to tell him that this was just a silly joke, to come inside, cuddle and watch a movie.

Steve waited. He waited for a negation, for an I love you, Steve. An affirmation that never came as you looked at him. You felt embarrassed and he felt like you'd stabbed him.

He was the first to break the silence.

"So I guess it's over then" he croaked out, a burning ball lodged in his throat that didn't allow him to speak. Or breathe for that matter.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I just- I didn't want to lie to you any longer. Even if I loved you, I'm not good for you. All I'm gonna do is pull you back from this great dream you have. You can't have a picket fence with me, I'll only tear it down. And you can't just put it back up, Steve" you said, taking as many steps back to get away from him. From the guilt of losing him.

"I'll put up as many picket fences as you need. I just want you" he pleaded, one last prayer. Don't go.

"I'm sorry, Steve. Please go home. You're gonna get sick" your voice a thin iron string settled in between your throat. You loved him, but didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve him.

And so Steve turned around, grabbing his broken heart off the floor. You watched him from your driveway, quiet, with his head hung low. A love like his should not have gone wasted on someone like you.

Steve reached his car door, looking at you for one last time, eyes watery and dark. Hoping, praying for your thin voice to speak up, to tell him to come back to your driveway. Tell him to stay.

Don't go.

[huellitaa]

bee's record player: march edition. 🎀𓂃 ࣪˖

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 !! notice !! ♡

surpriseee <3 wanted to try and add a little of my personal influence to my girlblog since music is literally my entire life & thought it might be funny to show u all what makes up the chaotic glittery mess that is my brain (and because there are almost 1000 of you beautiful people following me whatt?? thank you😭). i've allllways wanted to do smth like this too so, here u go !! 🩷💗

(+ this is a way for me to rant about my interests without being annoying to my friends / moots 😭. to anybody who has listened to me rant or cry or scream or whatever over music ily guys mwa)

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 NEW ARRIVALS

goddess, laufey

♡ released march 6th, 2024

♡ single

♡ running time: 4 minutes 28 seconds

eternal sunshine, ariana grande

♡ released march 8th, 2024

♡ full album / LP

♡ best songs: supernatural, the boy is mine, we can't be friends (wait for your love), intro (end of the world)

♡ running time: 35 minutes 33 seconds

unheard, hozier

♡ released march 22nd, 2024

♡ extended play / EP

♡ best songs: too sweet (i adore this song.)

♡ running time: 13 minutes 59 seconds

super real me, illit

♡ released march 25th, 2024

♡ extended play / EP, debut! ♡

♡ best songs: magnetic, midnight fiction

♡ running time: 9 minutes 36 seconds

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 BEE'S TRACKS: TOP 10

♡ 10. my world, illit

girly girl song!! i've been obsessed with illit's whole super real me album, their debut is soo good oh my gosh. its criminally short but i seem to have listened to it a lot !! 😭

♡ 9. we can't be friends (wait for your love), ariana grande

i have SO MUCH to say about this song but it resonates with me so much in so many different ways and i just. oh my god. ariana i love u so much

♡ 8. we got so much, le sserafim

k so i initially didn't really like this song but... it's grown on me. a lot. since it first came out. um. it's pretty simple honestly and it's just really girly girl it makes me feel like a school girl i love it

♡ 7. this is what makes us girls, lana del rey

girlblogger anthem!! okay confession i did not get into this song until LAST MONTH. i know. it's terrible and i am ashamed i am so sorry. but i have formed such a strong emotional attachment to this song its crazy i adore it

♡ 6. imperfect for you, ariana grande

exposing myself pt.3 i was in a really big depressive slump for like one half or more of this month actually and this song helped me so much i can't 😭 i love you ari

♡ 5. the boy is mine, ariana grande

(are you noticing a pattern here yet) um another ariana grande song no lol um idk what ur talking about haha 🥰 this song is so twerkable im sorry i wasnt a fan at first but im obsessed i need to stop

♡ 4. smart, le sserafim

no words. once again wasn't a huge fan originally but oh my god im obsessed w it now. afrobeat type of songs are, will, and always be top tier and i will die on this hill. (i've been SO OBSESSED with le sserafim lately but i think thats fairly obvious here😭)

♡ 3. eternal sunshine, ariana grande

i adore this song oh my god. its become one of my favs of all time since it came out. this was on loop for HOURS when i first heard it and its such a comfort song for me. it shows her growth so beautifully and there's so much about it i just absolutely adore like i could write a whole essay on this song and still wouldnt be able to express how much i love it

♡ 2. magnetic, illit

illit was bound to pop up here again this month tbh ok so me and my bsf were listening to this on loop the entire time at school a little after it came out like we were sitting in the front row of our class and were still watching the magnetic mv under the desk on her phone. so in love with this song it makes me so happy n feel so cute i ahh <3

♡ 1. supernatural, ariana grande

SUPERNATURAL IS THE SONG EVER. first day it came out i listened to the album and this was on loop constantly for the next week or more. it's made it up to my top 10 fav songs of all time ever and i listen to A LOT of music. this song is my life<333

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ALBUMS

♡ 1. eternal sunshine, ariana grande

fairly self explanatory. i love u ari. there was soo much ari this month bc ive been a diehard ari stan since i was 8 and have never looked back. since yes and released in january i have been ecstatic about ag7 releasing in march after 4 YEARS of no ari so this was MONUMENTAL for me 😭😭 THE DROUGHT IS OVER ARIANATORS RISE 🩷🩷🩷

♡ 2. super real me, illit

so basically the day this album came out my best friend was spamming me about them and i only listened to them like 2 days after cuz she was annoying me about it and OH MY GOD. i listened to them and then proceeded to loop the whole album for the next 72 hours 💗 and for a debut as well is amazing ily illit girlies

♡ 3. with you-th, twice

so i wasn't much of a fan at first bc they just sounded really similar and bland to me but its grown on me a lot since it came out and i've been listening to it so much throughout the entirety of march. its just so oddly comforting in a way and feels like a hug in music form (+ rush and bloom are the best songs argue with the wall)

♡ 4. easy, le sserafim

self explanatory. i'm obsessed with le sserafim at the moment and this album is everything to me. ass shaking album 10/10

♡ 5. k-12, melanie martinez

i have been revisiting one of my fav albums of all time this month and its as amazing as always. this has been my favourite album of all time since it came out and i will never ever get over k12 🩷 10000/10!!!! <3

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ARTISTS

♡ TOMORROW X TOGETHER

♡ TWICE

♡ LANA DEL REY

♡ LE SSERAFIM

♡ ARIANA GRANDE

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 SPECIAL MENTIONS

♡ happy 1 year to portals by melanie martinez! oh my god this album helped me through all of 2023 and i went to see her on tour in london for my birthday last november and it was surreal. she's amazing. i adore her and this album (i have it on vinyl hehe) and love it SOO MUCH 💖

♡ expect ordinary things by ariana grande to be high high on my top 10 next month its been on loop for days now im obsessed

♡ there's going to be a LOT in next month's issue seeing as 2 of my all time favs are coming back next month, so prepare for that! so excited ahh <3 (one has already released at the time of writing this. prepare urselves.)

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 EDITOR'S NOTE

this was SO FUN oh my gosh. i am 100% making this a regular thing~ lmk if it was entertaining, improvements needed, artists / albums you'd like me to keep up with etc, or just general comments, ideas, reviews and so on. thank you so much for reading, this was so fun! look forward to next month 💗🫶💖

lots of love 💘

[the-nerdiest-insanity]

Okay so I'm not saying you have to write this but I wanted to share this little plot bunny in my brain with the first fic writer who showed up in the tags.

(this is not a request I just really really want to talk about this)

Okay so we all agree that the reason 'we literally have the rest of eternity to figure out what the rest of it means' is cause Charles never finished reading the myth, right?

So imagine if Edwin is killed of for realsies, and instead of just out right stating that the reader instead gets to find it out through the means of Charles reading the myth- you know, finishing it.

(the angst potential is twsiting me insides)

I started this at midnight for me, and this wormed it's way into my brain and won't leave. The ask gives away the twist, but I hope I've written this well enough that it doesn't matter

The Song Was Written Long Ago

Title from Road to Hell (reprise), Hadestown

Charles landed on the floor with the dull thumping feeling he has associated with living as a ghost on Earth. Niko and the Night Nurse are staring at him with shocked expressions.

"Charles--" Niko tried to start before he abruptly cut her off with a shake of his head.

"Don't Niko, just don't," he mumbled. Charles sniffled and slammed his fist into the ground. Slowly, he sat up onto his knees.

"Hey, I heard a loud noise," Crystal said as she entered. She took in the somber faces around her. "Did something happen? Where's--"

"Don't," Charles spat out, sharper this time. "Don't fucking say it."

"Charles?" Crystal asked as she took a hesitant step forward.

Charles stood up and plowed his way across the room, uncaring about the voices asking about him or the hands trying to stop him. He leapt into the first mirror he could reach. "Take me home," was his only thought.

Charles landed harshly into thei-- the office. His legs carried him automatically to the bookshelf. It had been so meticulously organized before this whole damned trip. Now, everything was a cluttered mess after searching for the book to save Niko.

A painful voice echoed in his head, "It wouldn't be so messy if you'd just follow my system." Charles bit his lip, attempting to rein in his emotions.

This is like one of those Orpheus and Eurydice moments, yeah?

Charles knew there were many different versions of the story he was searching for, but focused on finding the one he had started all those years ago.

Finally, he pulled out Metamorphoses. He flipped to Book X, finding the line he last read. He had stopped when the pair began to leave the Underworld. He had figured either they made it out and lived a happy life or something terrible happened. And, Charles was fine never knowing what the answer was. Until now.

He read about Orpheus's confidence in getting the pair out. He read out Orpheus's doubt. He read about Orpheus turning around too soon.

Charles slammed the book shut. He didn't need to read about how Orpheus died because he was already dead.

Charles slid slowly down to the ground, crying into the book. He could hear a voice in his head scolding him for not taking care of property. It made Charles hiccup as he sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Edwin. I shouldn't have looked back. I should've lead up out before I talked to you. I'm so sorry. We were supposed to have the rest of eternity. Edwin, please."

The rest of eternity was a very short time, indeed.

Was I listening to the Hadestown soundtrack while listening to this? How could you tell? For real, I hope you all liked this and I made the annon proud.

[waitimcomingtoo]

And Now I Just Sit In Silence

Pairing: Tom Holland x singer!reader

Synopsis: following your breakup, Tom is haunted by your songs about him everywhere he goes

Masterlist

“Following her recent breakup with Marvel superstar Tom Holland, singer-songwriter Y/n L/n has blessed us with your next breakup anthem.” A talk show host said over the radio as Tom drove in his car. Tom shifted uncomfortably in his seat but left the radio on out of curiosity.

“Is it wrong that I was kind of rooting for them to break up so that we could get another album from her?” One of the other radio hosts asked in a sheepish voice. Tom scrunched his nose and gave his radio a disgusted look as if the hosts could see him.

“Thats horrible!” Another host laughed in shock.

“I’m just saying! She writes really good breakup songs. Not that I didn’t love her album about Tom when they were in love.” She defended her comment as Tom rolled his eyes.

“Well they’re not in love anymore, and we have the song to prove it. You are now listening to “Questions I Still Have” by Y/n L/n.” The first host said. Tom blinked back a few tears at the way they so confidently talked about your relationship ending as the intro to your new song played. The breakup was the worst thing he had ever gone through and yet they spoke out it so casually. He hadn’t heard it yet so he decided to let it play for a minute.

“Do you cry yourself to sleep? Maybe that’s just me.

When I think too hard about us I feel like I can’t breathe.

I thought that I was done. I thought you were the one.

I thought you’d take a bullet for me but it was you holding the gun”

A tear rolled down Tom’s cheek before he even realized he was crying. He had zoned out when he heard your voice over the radio and watched a million memories play in his head.

“I can’t listen to this.” He said and quickly changed the station. Your voice was still coming through his radio, just at a different part of the same song.

“I want to kill you for the way you made me feel, I want you to assure me it was real.

I want to call you ever name in the book, I want you to give me that one look.

I want you to tell me you want me again, I want to tell you I won’t be your friend.

I want you to call me and beg for me to come home, I want you to leave me alone”

“Oh my God. Is this song on every station?” Tom wiped his face from tears and changed the station again. When he heard your song the third station, he shut off the radio. He drove in silence for the rest of the time. He snuck glances at his passenger seat every so often and thought of all the times you had sat there. The seat was empty now, mirroring the way Tom felt inside. The laughter and conversation that used to fill his car was replaced with a dead silence. As soon as Tom parked, he broke down crying. He covered his face with his hands and cried into them as your lyrics replayed in his mind. He expected you to write a song about the ending of your relationship but actually hearing it left him feeling deflated and empty. Wanting to stop the feeling, he wiped the hot tears from his face and pulled out his phone. He hadn’t deleted your last conversation, the one where he ended your relationship, and often read it over again and tried to imagine how things would’ve been different if he said one thing differently. He read the last few things you had said to each other before typing out a new message.

“hey. I know it’s been a long time since we spoke last. I just wanted to say I heard your new song on the radio. it’s really good :)” Tom wrote out. He read his message over and then deleted it. It felt too casual considering the conversation right above it was the two of you breaking up. He thought about the lyrics you had just sung over his radio and typed out a new message.

“I miss you. please let me come home” He wrote out. He tried to read the message back but his eyes were too full of tears. He shook his head and decide against reaching out to you before deleting the message.

As the days went on, your song haunted Tom. He heard it everywhere he went. Every time he turned on his radio or walked into a store, your song was playing. He was happy to see you reaching success but hated having to relive the heartbreak every time he heard your music. But it wasn’t just the music that was plaguing him. Your breakup was the talk of the internet and he had to listen to everyone’s opinion on it. Even when he was doing something simple like sitting in the waiting room at his dentist, he was forced to hear about your breakup on the TV.

“I can’t believe they broke up. I thought they were just so cute together.” Some lady on a morning talk show Tom had never even heard of said to her fellow hosts on the panel. Tom rolled his eyes all the way to the ceiling as people he had never met talked about him like he was their close friend.

“I know! I thought they were gonna get married.” Another lady chimed in.

“So did I. How long were they together?”

“Two years? Three years?” One of the ladies asked.

“Three and a half.” Tom mumbled to no one in particular. His eyes were glued to the TV as pictures of you and Tom were displayed in the background of the women talking.

“Wow. I thought they were gonna get married.” A lady on the panel added.

“So did I.” One of the ladies chimed in.

“So did I.” Tom said under his breath. People in the waiting room were staring at him but he didn’t care.

“I wonder what happened.” One of the ladies said, making Tom gulp.

“I guess we’ll have to wait for the album to find out.”

“Luckily I don’t think we’ll have to wait too long. Check out what she said in a recent inverview with E!” A lady on the panel said before turning to the huge screen behind her. Tom felt his face get hot when a video of you talking to a journalist on a red carpet played. You were dressed in an off the shoulder black dress with a pearl choker around your neck. Tom couldn’t help but crack a smile to see you wearing the “revenge dress” you had once told him all about. Being a native of southwest London himself, he already knew about the iconic back dress Princess Diana once wore, but he pretended he hadn’t heard of it just because you seemed to excited to tell him. He smiled at the memory, but that smile quickly faded when he heard you talking on the TV.

“So does the new song mean there’s a new album in the future?” The journalist asked you.

“Definitely. I’m really excited to share it once it’s finished. I think it’s the most mature album I’ve made so far since I’ve never felt the way I’ve been feeling lately. I didn’t really know how to deal with all the emotions so I’ve just been writing it all down. It’s very carthartic for me so I’ve been writing new songs almost every day.”

“Wow. It must’ve been a tough breakup for you to be writing new songs everyday.” The journalist laughed and held the microphone out to you. You laughed awkwardly and Tom could see it all over your face that you didn’t find it funny.

“Definitely. Definitely.” You nodded and gave the camera a quick look. The look sent shivers down Tom’s spine and he felt like you were looking directly at him. He once again felt compelled to take out his phone and reach out to you.

“heard you’re working on a new album! that’s really exciting. I hope it’s going well!” He wrote out. He read it over and lost his nerve. He didn’t feel like he had any right to talk to you after the way he ended things. He deleted his message just as his name was called.

“Holland?” The dental assistant called out.

“Coming.” Tom got up and followed them into the into the little dentist room.

“Hey, aren’t you the guy Y/n just broke up with?” The dental assistant realized as they looked back at Tom. Tom felt the wind get knocked out of his chest from being confronted about the breakup in person.

“No. We broke up months ago. And I broke up with her. Not the other way around.” Tom said, instantly regretting it. He had tried to sound cool but he just came off like an asshole.

“Oh. Okay.” They laughed awkwardly. “Did you hear new song?”

“Every waking moment of my life.” Tom smiled sarcastically.

“Yeah. They play it here a lot. I think it’s pretty good. She seems really sad though. You must’ve really broken her heart, huh?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be scrapping my teeth or something?” Tom said flatly.

“Yeah. Lay back.” They said and Tom complied. He opened his mouth and zoned out as the dental assistant started working on his teeth. After a few minutes of silence, they started to hum your song. Tom gave them a look and they quickly stopped.

“Sorry. It’s a really good song.” They mumbled and went back to scrapping Tom’s teeth.

“So why did you dump her anyway?” They asked Tom after a beat of silence. Tom shut his eyes and zoned out for the rest of his time in the chair. When he got in his car after the appointment, he absentmindedly turned his radio on.

“Are you nice when you talk about me to your friends? Or are your stories filled with hate? Am I that girl you don’t see anymore, or that crazy bitch you used to date?” Your voice came on over his radio. His eyes welled up with tears and he quickly shut the radio off. He wiped his face free from tears and took his phone out.

“my mom was asking about you. I told her you’ve been smashing records with your new music. she misses you. so do I” Tom wrote out. He looked at his message and then let his eyes travel up to the last messages you had exchanged. He reread the conversation of him ending things and you trying to get him to explain why. He kept reading until his eyes got too blurry with tears to see anything. He deleted the message and put his phone down before driving home in silence.

The next time Tom heard your song on the radio, he let it play. He listened to it all the way through for the first time and cried the entire time. He parked his car once it ended and just sat there, staring at out thr windshield as tears fell down his face.

“You just heard “Questions I Still Have” by Y/n L/n. The singer-songwriters newest single quickly hit number one and has not given up that spot since. She has broken record after record with this song, lining up a promising outlook for her next album. We’re joined by the singer now.” The radio host said and Tom froze in his seat.

“Thank you for coming to the studio today to talk about your new single, “Questions I Still Have”. Tell us, what inspired this song?” The radio host asked you.

“Thank you for having me! I’m really excited to be here. And this song is about my recent breakup with my boyfriend.” You answered. Tom wished it wasn’t a radio interview so that he could see your face as you spoke about him. Even though you were talking in the past tense, it felt nice to hear you call him your boyfriend.

“Can you tell us who the song is about?” The host asked you.

“Unfortunately, I cannot.” You chuckled. “I want my fans to hear this song and think about their ex boyfriend. Not mine.”

“So it’s not about a certain web slinging super hero?”

“It’s about whoever you think about when you hear it.” You replied and Tom could hear the smile in your tone.

“Are you still in contact with this ex who shall not be named?”

“No, I’m not. We haven’t spoken since the breakup.” You answered, sounding sad over that fact. Tom looked down at his phone in shame and thought of all the times he started to reach out to you but stopped himself.

“May I ask what happened? What led to the breakup?”

“I wish I knew.” You laughed sadly. Tom gulped and felt a deep pit of shame inside himself. He took the cowards way out of your relationship and that had clearly hurt you.

“So he broke up with you and didn’t tell you why?”

“I mean, there’s a lot more to the story. I touch on it a little bit more on the album. But at the end of the day, the breakup was between him and I and I don’t want to have the private details all over the Internet. And I’m sure he wouldn’t want that either.” You replied. Tom couldn’t believe you were respecting his privacy after what he put you through. He appreciated it, but it also made him feel a hundred times worse.

“That’s understandable. I have to say, breakup definitely caught a lot of people by surprise being as this was the first public relationship for the both of you. I’m sure you’ve seen the army of your fans online threatening to beat him up and boycott his movies for breaking your heart.”

“I have seen that.” You laughed a little. “And as much as I appreciate the sentiment, it’s really not necessary. I never want to see anyone hate someone else on my behalf. I truly have no hard feelings for him. If he felt like he needed to end our relationship, I’m sure he had his reasons. Of course, I wish I knew those reasons but hey, we don’t always get closure after breakups. That’s something I’m learning to live with. So while I appreciate the support, my fans can stand down. No one has to beat anyone up. I wish him all the best.”

“Well that’s very mature of you.” The host commented. Tom turned the radio off and sunk down in his seat. Hearing you talk about the relationship gave him a weird feeling in his stomach. He knew you should hate him and be smearing his name all over the Internet, but you weren’t. You were being kind and civil and mature. This amplified his guilt to an unbearable extent and he found himself pulling his phone out to text you.

“I’m really happy for you. I wish you all the best too.” He wrote out. He read his message over a few times and then deleted it. One of these days, he would bring himself to hit send. That day just wasn’t today.

It wasn’t the next day either. Tom already had his phone out when he walked by a couple kids playing your song on their speaker.

“I wonder what you say when people ask why I’m not around. Do you tell them it ended mutually and try to hide your frown?

Or do you tell them I’m insane and tried to bleed you dry? Did you tell them you ended things and never told me why?”

Tom turned his head to listen to the lyrics before looking down at his phone. He opened up his iMessage app and clicked on your contact before typing out a message.

“hey. can we talk?” He wrote, then quickly deleted.

“I hate the way we ended things. -the way I ended things. I’m so sorry. I miss you so much. do you think we could meet up and talk about it?” He wrote instead. His thumb hovered over the arrow to send it and he was about to press down on it when he let out a defeated sigh.

“There is no way she wants to hear from me.” He mumbled to himself as he deleted his message.

As the weeks went on, the craze about your song eventually died down just in time for your next single to drop. Instead of avoiding it this time, Tom patiently waited for midnight to strike so that he could listen to it as soon as it came out. As soon as he heard the piano ballad intro, he started to tear up.

“Is it childish to say I thought we were meant to be? Is it wrong if I think you’re still a good guy, you just weren’t good to me?

I want you to be happy, just please don’t be happy yet. At first, I want you miserable. Please tell me I’m hard to forget”

Tom put his phone on the pillow next to him, the one where you used to lay your head, and let the song play. He shut his eyes and felt his salty tears roll down his face and into his ears. He reached a hand over and rested it on the bed so that he could pretend you were laying there beside him.

“So who do I tell my thoughts to now? Am I supposed to just write them down?

That’s kind of boring, wouldn’t you agree? I need someone to talk back to me.

And who do I give my love to now? I was planning on loving you for a lifetime. Planning to be your wife and settle down.

But you changed the locks me out before I gave up my keys. Now when I hear your name I can’t remember how to breathe.

And I can’t even join in with the shit talking from my friends. Because I know I’d take you right back if it meant this pain would end.

I find it strange how you were the first to leave, when it was you who first asked to kiss me.

I have all these questions I never got to ask. Like did I ever really know you under your mask?

Was I too boring or loud or rough? Was I too much for you or not enough?

Maybe I just wasn’t what you wanted anymore So I hope you find what you were looking for.

I don’t know where or how or when, but I know one day we will meet again.

Maybe we’ll politely smile and look away. Or maybe I’ll run into your arms and always stay.

But if you realize before then that you messed up. If by some chance there’s still a chance for us

If I was right and we were meant to be, then come back, I’ll be waiting where you left me.”

“Nice bridge.” Tom smiled through his tears. He knew that was always your favorite part of the song to write, the part you always spent the most time on. He never thought he’d hear a bridge dedicated to how he broke your heart.

Once the song ended, he reached for his phone and clicked on your contact. He stared at it for a long time before impulsively hitting the call button. He knew there was no way you’d answer since you were probably celebrating the release of your new song with your friends.

“Hello?” Your voice suddenly came from the other line. Tom gasped and quickly hung up before you could figure out it was him. He let out a defeated sigh and started your song from the beginning, listening to it until he fell asleep.

Tom had the next day off so he spent it in bed, under the covers, listening to your songs. He played them over and over until he had the words memorized and could mouth along to them as tears streamed down his face. He brought his pillow to his chest and hugged it, pretending it was you.

“What about the plans we made? Who gets to do those now? If I’m being totally honest, I’m down if you’re still down.

Do you still sings the songs we sang, or avoid the movies we liked? When I drive past the place we last kissed, it feels like salt right after the knife.

I wonder if you hate this song. Or if you defend me when i’m mocked. I wonder if you still think of me. Call me if I’m not blocked” He softly sang along as the song ended. He picked up his phone to replay it but clicked on your contact instead. His red eyes glazed over your last conversation and he felt a spark of inspiration in his chest.

“Fuck it.” He decided and hit the call button. His heart beat out of his chest as the phone rang and on the third ring, you picked up.

“Hello?” Your voice came through the phone. Tom sucked in a sharp breath and started to cry again at the sound of it. He covered his mouth so you couldn’t hear him but kept the phone against his ear.

“Hello? Is someone there?” You asked again.

“Oh my God.” Tom accidentally said out loud in a panic.

“Tom? Is that you?” You asked with less confidence than you had when you first picked up.

“Yeah. It’s me.” He said and sat up in his bed.

“Oh. Hi.” You answered quietly. Tom looked up to the ceiling as tears streamed down his face and tried to keep his voice steady.

“Hi.” He croaked out.

“Are you crying?”

“Yeah. A little.” He downplayed it as he wiped his face with the back of his hand.

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t think you’d pick up.” He said and started to cry again. You stayed silent on the other line and listened to him cry until he composed himself.

“Neither did I.”

“Why did you?” He asked you.

“I couldn’t help it. I needed to know what you were gonna say. If I’m honest with you, every single time I’ve gotten a notification on my phone since our breakup, I’ve hoped it was you. I just needed one last conversation. There were so many things I still wanted to say.”

“Me too. I wanted to reach out to you. So many times.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t know what to say. You were always better with words than I was.” He said with a sad laugh.

“Yeah. You didn’t have too many words for me the last time we spoke.” You said coldly. Tom winced a little but took this as an opportunity to explain himself.

“I know. And I’m sorry about that.”

“What exactly are you sorry for?” You asked him, needing the closure for yourself.

“I’m sorry I ended things so abruptly. I know it came out of nowhere. And I’m sorry I did it over text. I knew I’d never be able to do it in person if I saw you crying so I took the cowards way out. I’m so sorry about that. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved a lot more than what I gave you.”

You were silent for a minute on the other end of the line and Tom could hear you sniffling back tears.

“You never even gave me a reason why.” You said quietly.

“I know. But honestly, I didn’t have a reason to give you.”

“Then why did you do it? Why did you break up with me?”

This time, Tom was the one to pause. He took in a sharp breath and decided it was time to be honest with both himself and you.

“Because I was scared. Terrified, actually.”

“Of what?”

“Of all of it. I had never been in love before you. I never even came close. But you came into my life and you understood me in a way I didn’t think anyone ever would. And I loved that. I loved days where you were the only person I spoke to all day. I loved everything about our relationship. But it wasn’t just ours. This was my first public relationship and I guess I just didn’t expect all the attention. Everyone had their opinion on us and they were giving it out every chance they got. We couldn’t go anywhere without people taking secret pictures and posting them. We’d go on dates and then I would get asked about it in interviews when I didn’t even know the world knew about it. I guess I started to feel like I wasn’t a person anymore. Not an individual one anyway. I felt like I was just one half of a couple that everyone had high expectations for. But it wasn’t just the media that had expectations of us. Our families did too. Everyone’s been asking me when I was gonna propose and as much as I wanted to, I didn’t want you to think I only did it because people kept pressuring me. Then I started to wonder if you even wanted me to at all.”

“Of course I did. But I wanted that when we were ready.”

“I wanted that too. But what if I was never ready? What if I couldn’t be a good husband for you? I started to think about our future a lot and just freak myself out. Because if I became your husband, then I’d become a father too. And what if I’m no good at that either? What if I can’t raise kids that you’d be proud of?”

“Tom, all of those things are way in the future. Why are you thinking about them now?”

“Because I knew it would happen one day. And I knew it would happen with you. When I realized you were the love of my life and I had already doing with who I would grow old with, I freaked out. It felt like all the things I pushed off to think about in the future were happening right now. And it all felt way too fast. So I panicked and broke up with you to slow it all down.”

“So you broke up with me because you don’t think you’ll be a good dad yet?” You asked, sounding like you found it amusing.

“Essentially, yes.” Tom answered, which made you laugh.

“Why are you laughing?” He asked and cracked a smile himself.

“Because I have spent the last few months thinking of every possible reason you could’ve had to break up with me and that never crossed my mind. That was such a you response. I should’ve known.”

“Why did you think I broke up with you?” Tom asked out of curiosity.

“I considered a few things. But I decided it was because I was too much and you couldn’t take it anymore. I thought you realized you didn’t want to be around me forever. I thought…I thought I bored you.”

“Darling, that wasn’t it at all. I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you. I left because I loved you too much. And I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“I wish you talked to me about this before you left. Because I would’ve told you that I don’t give a fuck what the world thinks of us. As long as we’re together, I don’t care if we’re married or not. A ceremony and a white dress won’t make me happy. Only loving you forever will.”

“You should write that down. It would make a good lyric.” Tom said through a smile.

“Maybe for my next album. By the way, when this new one comes out, don’t listen to track 5. I call you something that rhymes with “sick” in it.” You said playfully.

“Fingers crossed that it’s thick.” Tom joked.

“It’s not.” You laughed. Tom laughed too and you sat in comfortable silence for a minute.

“I think you’d be a good dad.” You said after a beat of silence. “But I’m a little busy breaking records right now so kids are the last thing on my mind. You don’t have to worry about that anytime soon.”

“I wish we had this conversation months ago. I wish I didn’t get so in my head.” Tom said and started to tear up again.

“I wish I didn’t hurt you.” He said after a beat of silence and started to cry.

“I was hurt. Now I’m significantly richer from the money my music about you have been making.” You said, making Tom laugh between his tears.

“Good. I’m glad.” He sniffled. You both went quiet again and just listened to the sound of each other breathing.

“I still love you.” He said after a minute. He heard you suck in a breath and then go quiet again. He cursed himself for messing it all up again but then you surprised him.

“Tom?”

“Yes?”

“Can you come over?”

“Yes.” He practically shouted and jumped out of his bed. He was gonna put on real clothes but decided it would take too much time and he needed to see you immediately. He grabbed his keys and ran out of his house as fast as he could while you listened to his hasty movements on the other line.

“Slow down.” You laughed when you heard his heavy breathing.

“I can’t. I’m about to run this red light.”

“Don’t do that.” You chuckled. “Just get here when you can.”

“I’ll get there even faster once I run over this pedestrian.”

“We can’t get back together if you go to jail for hitting a pedestrian.”

“But is that what’s really happening? Are we getting back together?” He asked hopefully and pressed down on the gas even harder.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” You said simply. Tom began to drive even faster and pulled up to your house in half the time it normally takes. He put the car in park and left the keys in the ignition just as you were coming out of your front door.

“You drove here barefoot?” You laughed as he got out of the car and ran towards you.

“I really wanted to see you.” He said as he scooped you up in a hug. You felt him lift you off the ground and spin you around in circles until he felt dizzy. When he put you down, he kept his arms around you and looked into your eyes.

“Have you been crying?” You asked as you touched your palm to his face. His eyes were red and puffy so you already knew the answer, but you wanted to hear it from him.

“All the time. Mostly in my car.” He admitted, making you crack a smile.

“Yeah. I know the feeling.” You told him. Tom smiled sadly and put his hands on either side of your face.

“I had so many things I wanted to say to you. So many things I typed out and deleted. Now that I’m actually with you, I don’t know what to say.”

“Maybe you don’t have to say anything.” You shrugged. “Maybe you should just kiss me.”

“Am I still allowed to do that?” Tom asked hopefully.

“You’ll always be allowed.” You said before pulling him down into a kiss. Tom shut his eyes and felt tears rolled down his cheeks as he kissed you back for the first time in months. You wrapped your hands around his wrists for a moment before tangling them in his overgrown hair to pull him closer. When you pulled away, Tom kept his forehead against yours and hit his eyes.

“I really missed you. I’m sorry I left you. I’ll never do it again. You’re my forever home.” He sniffled as tears rolled down his face.

“I’m really glad you called. I’m glad you came back to me.” You smiled and wiped his tears away with your thumbs.

“Of course I came back. I mean, you practically begged me to over the radio.” Tom said with a teasing smile.

“Oh, is that what you heard?” You raised an eyebrow. “I don’t remember writing a lyric like that.”

“Maybe I know your music a little better than you do.” Tom shrugged playfully.

“Oh, yeah. That’s definitely it.” You humored him. You looked into each others eyes for a minute before embracing in another kiss. When you pulled away, you took his hand and pulled him towards your house.

“Come inside. I was just writing a song about you.”

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[hooked-on-elvis]

"I Met Her Today" (1961-1965)

Recorded on October 15, 1961 at RCA’s Studio B, Nashville · Release date: July 19, 1965 · Album: Elvis for Everyone! (compilation)

MUSICIANS Guitar: Jerry Kennedy, Scotty Moore. Bass: Bob Moore. Drums: Buddy Harman, D.J. Fontana. Piano & Organ: Floyd Cramer. Saxophone & Clarinet: Boots Randolph. Accordion: Gordon Stoker. Vocals: Millie Kirkham, The Jordanaires.

Illustrative pictures · (1) On Sunday afternoon, July 30, 1961, Elvis appeared at Weeki Wachee Springs Park in Florida, on the west coast where he was then filming "Follow That Dream"; (2) Elvis on movie set Frankie and Johnny June 10, 1965.

RECORDING SESSION · BACKSTORY Soundtrack Recordings for Mirisch Company’s "Follow That Dream" July 2, 1961: RCA’s Studio B, Nashville One thing seemed certain to the Colonel: It made sense to go into the studio for another singles-only session. The June 25 session proved that Elvis and his band could focus their attention better when they were all trying to cut a hit single; increasingly, too, scheduling was becoming a problem, and between the two Mirisch pictures there would only be time to arrange a short session. Once Freddy [Bienstock] understood the Colonel’s goal, he knew exactly where to turn for hit material — to his hot new team, Pomus and Shuman. Having gotten three cuts on the last session was more than enough motivation to propel the songwriters into action. Mort Shuman had a simple formula for writing hits — “Chorus, break, and gimmick” — and the two had noticed that Elvis was drawn to first-person songs; in no time, then, they came up with a stranger’s tale, a gimmick, and a Phil Spector – produced demo. The song, “Night Rider,” was just the kind of rocker Freddy was looking for, and he sent it off to Elvis along with two Tepper and Bennett compositions, “Just For Old Time Sake” and “For The Millionth And The Last Time,” as well as two others (“Ecstasy” and “You Never Talked to Me”) and the promise of “a couple of real strong songs in the next few days.”

RECORDING OF "I MET HER TODAY" Studio Sessions for RCA October 15, 1961: RCA’s Studio B, Nashville The “real strong songs” Freddy had mentioned in his note were two brand-new Don Robertson ballads. Elvis’s careful phrasing suggests that he’d done serious preparation on the first, “Anything That’s Part Of You,” but that didn’t stop him from working hard on it, running through six takes as Floyd Cramer worked to duplicate the slip-note fills Robertson had played on the demo. Years later Elvis would tell audiences that “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” was “probably the saddest song I’ve ever heard,” but he never portrayed abandonment more convincingly than on this cut. Among Elvis’s recorded ballads perhaps the only competition comes from some of the other Robertson songs recorded in 1961 and ’62. The second of his contributions, “I Met Her Today,” told a more hopeful story, but it proved harder to get right. After a promising first take Elvis paused to correct some problems with the song’s challenging octave-and-a half leaps, but as soon as he’d mastered that, band mistakes began to multiply. After twenty takes the group’s concentration had worn thin, and they agreed to stop, leaving take eighteen as the master. But the recording lay unused for four years until RCA resurrected it for Elvis For Everyone.

Excerpts: "Elvis Presley, A Life in Music: The Complete Recording Sessions" by Ernst Jorgensen. Foreword by Peter Guralnick (1998)

LYRICS Don Robertson/Hal Blair I told you that some day If you kept on being untrue Somebody else would come along And release me from you You'll be glad to know now Your fickle world Can have its own way For it finally happened I've met her today I used to think I just couldn't live A day without you In spite of the thousand doubts and tears That you put me through All at once I don't care as much for you I'm sorry to say For now there's another I met her today How I treasured each smile, each kiss You gave to me now and then Well, you needn't be kind to me now Oh no, not ever again Just when the last bit of pride in me was gone Someone heard me pray And sent me my angel I met her today I met her today

[rudikawhy]

I watched The Fall Guy yesterday...

... and I would again without hesitation. At first I wanted to see it because of Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt, but as soon as the movie started, I knew I would love it, no matter the actors (though Ryan and Emily made it even better).

[The following will probably contain spoilers]

The shots, the cuts, the way they talked, the way it was built, just the whole vibe the movie was giving me within the first few minutes was perfect. I would have guessed that it was a funny movie, but for some reason I didn't expect it to be that funny. I laughed so much. It felt so good. And the best part: I didn't care if I was the only one laughing or not.

I loved every second of it. Most of it was funny, or action, that I couldn't take too seriously (like, I wasn't 'afraid' something bad would happen, for some reason not even when Jody kept on letting Colt set on fire), but then when it came to "real action", when it came to the part with Tom Ryder and his other stuntman, it actually also got thrilling for me. I even believed for a good minute or so that Colt actually died (well, I actually didn't allowed myself to believe he survived, so I wouldn't be too sad if he didn't).

Okay and next up, the unicorn. No matter how many times it appeared, it was still funny. And I believe it would've still be funny if it went on further for a little bit more. No seriously, it was so random, and it wasn't constantly there it just kept appearing. Until it didn't. Bye Bye unicorn.

Then: when the CCTV footage showed Colt leaving the hotel room of the dead stuntman and he covered his face with his jacket as soon as he spots the camera - funny. Though I probably laughed too hard.

The split screen talk. I mean the phone call as such was really nice, and a nice change from all the action. They started it as a business call, and went over to a personal conversation. And the split screen added comedy. I can't really say what made it so funny; that they talked about using a split screen while using one, or that they were mirroring each other's actions. Anyway.

Taylor Swift. I felt that so much. Not actually because I was never in a situation like that, like Colt was, but the look on his face when he started the car and All Too Well started playing? That was so true. Also I heard that was actually Ryan crying because he didn't know they were already filming. I love that even more. And that montage of Jody and Colt during All Too Well was just so sweet and beautiful, and then it's cut back to Colt in the car and he is crying. Give that man a hug, please.

Emily sure can sing. Just saying. That karaoke song/performance was beautiful.

Okay and now last but not least. Can I just say how good both Emily and Ryan looked in this movie? Even when Ryan was covered in blood stains. He was still looking so good. And Emily anyway.

Also now I kind of want to see Emily Blunt with Tom Cruise's face. But on the other hand I don't because that's probably disturbing.