#but phrasing it that way is uhhhh...

[chemicalarospec]

pro tip: if you ever find yourself in a situation with people, you can leave.

[istherewifiinhell]

phone repair failure no. 3. to this places best knowledge do one does androids in this town i gotta go to [redacted] or [redacted] (were talking like 1hr drive away here). l

[crowshoots]

rejection from a guy with him saying "sorry i only like men" when i am transmasc and also am a gay guy sure did A Toll on Me Today

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

WAIT

DO KLAINERS THESE DAYS KNOW ABOUT “KLAINER 12″ AND “KLAINER 21″?????

[nights-at-crystarium]

Fun trivia time: when I wrote the very first iteration of Fragments Vivi was more gruff and cold, emotionally constipated. The premise remains the same, he's fed up with the pre ShB life and doesn't know how or why to proceed, and being on the First and meeting Exarch restores him to a functional state. As I wrote and thought about him some more, the emotional constipation quickly fell off and got replaced by the "manic pixie dream boy". Except he's still fucking edgy, yes he's now in touch with his own and other people's emotions, he's seemingly open, but less in a trusting way and more like a wound.

It's fascinating to me that G'raha's having all these realisations of 'oh I helped him, oh he might actually like me because I unintentionally made his life better' and he's still perfectly willing to throw himself away.

I believe that over a century of delusions and wearing pink glasses built up a veritable fortress around him, a few actually correct realizations won't make a dent in those walls. He may have stopped being oblivious, still there's no option other than keep sticking to the og plan. Good luck with that, now that Vivi's mildly interested in him :3c

✧✦✧ "Fragments" - episode 53 ✧✦✧

Mirage.

New reader? episode list on tumblr | webtoon Read 4 more episodes: patreon | kofi

[huginsmemory]

On ad astra per aspera ✨

Can we talk about the repeated use of ad astra per aspera? Cause uhhhh it shows up twice, once on the website and once in the Book of Bill, and OH BOY this has connotations, both for Bill and Ford's relation in the literal and figurative meaning on the word, and for Bill's own history:

(extra addition added 16/09/2024! 🌝 )

First, in the website (if I recall correctly) if the phrase ad astra per aspera is inputted into the computer, you get the two pages on Bill's 'funeral':

And within, in the pages, at the very end before signing there names is the phrase itself (highlighted in red) .

Secondly, a joke version of it is seen in the Book Of Bill, specifically on the night where Bill and Ford fucked 'one thing led to another':

In this one, it's clearly a joke off of aspirin used for his hangover, used again to close the entry.

Now the phrase ad astra per aspera itself means 'through suffering to the stars', which also has... wider connotations then just these two piece alone, which I'll unpack later. But first, the interesting choice of connection of these two pieces;

Both times the phrases occur, they occur closing the entry; a bit too much of a coincidence to me (and in this fandom there is no such thing as a coincidence). Considering that the 'one thing led to another' night is a night that was important to their relationship as it hints at the intimacy they had with each other, it showing up again in Ford's 'funeral' entry about Bill feels very much like an allusion to that night. Especially considering in the funeral entry Ford is very open about how much he cared about Bill, with how he at one point "considered him the centre of his life". The entry from Ford reads as someone who is moving on, and part of this is acknowledgement of the grief and sadness for the more positive part of the abusive relationship that he lost. As a result, having him acknowledge the intimacy of their relationship, it makes sense for him to tongue in cheek allude back to his first writing down of the phrase, where they were quite clearly implied to fuck be intimate.

While it alludes to their Bill and Ford's intimacy, the literal and metaphorical meaning of the phrase also rings true here; through suffering to the stars. If we talk literally, then through Ford's relationship with Bill, something that ultimately was full of suffering, he built the portal, and ended up wandering the myriad worlds out there in space; one may say out there among the stars. He literally was out there wandering the stars as a result of suffering.

Now metaphorically, the phrase means through suffering/adversity one gains beautiful/worthwhile things. Considering this entry is Ford moving on from Bill, this is very apt; again, their relationship caused Ford immense suffering, and as he is now letting that relationship and suffering go, he's instead prioritizing creating healthy relationships with Stanley, the other twins and Fiddleford (the something beautiful and worthwhile part!). In fact, the entry on Bill's funeral is half on him strengthening his relationship with Mabel, the shooting star, another layer of wordplay; case in point about the healthy relationships. He's weathered through his abusive relationship, to discover and create a loving family.

It doesn't quite end there however; although that's fairly it for specifically Ford and Bill's relationship, we also haven't talked about what the stars mean to Bill himself. Which, well; it's very clearly implied that Bill accidentally killed everyone in his dimension in an attempt to show his parents (and other people in his dimension) the stars. And on top of that, to quote; "I looked up and saw the stars. And I was ready to become one of them". Which he then in a way, becomes, considering the page in journal 3 on constellations, in which Ford remarks that one of his favourite constellations is the constellation 'William' (obviously Bill). It's a bittersweet immortalization of himself after everything that occurs around trying to see the stars for Bill.

So I find it very interesting that for Ford, a phrase about suffering and stars is something he ends up correlating to his relationship with Bill, considering that to Bill, to get to the stars is something he deeply suffered for as a result. It's also important to note that Bill's suffering was something that occurred out of love, and ultimately an attempt to be understood and create a deeper relationship with his parents where they could trust him. And then for Ford, all this while later, to look up to the stars (to see them) and to see the Bill constellation and go 'oh that's one of my favourites' is fulfillment. Because Ford during that time trusted and cared deeply for Bill, fulfilling that relationship of trust, love and understanding(at least surface level, considering the way they banter together), that Bill had yearned for when he was younger and killed his plane.

So all in all(tldr): ad aspera per astra, (through suffering the stars), is quite the fun phrase to unpack in regards to Bill and Ford's relationship, considering the deliberate reference to the phrase on the entry about the night 'where one thing led to another' and Bill's funeral entry. The phrase is a combination of references; tongue in cheek allusion to the intimacy, but also references to the literal (space fugitive) and figurative (abusive relationship, to loving family again pipeline) hardships Ford endured as a result of the relationship. There is also irony in the way that Ford seems to correlate this phrase about suffering and stars with Bill and his relationship, considering that out of an effort to be understood and share the stars with his parents, Bill accidentally killed his whole dimension; later he also made a constellation of himself. As well, as Ford says that one of his favourite constellations is a constellation that's clearly Bill in Journal 3, it alludes to that Bill's wish to show his parents the stars and be recognized is fulfilled by Ford (pre-portal incident that is).

EDIT: extra details added on the constellation piece as of Aug 14 2024 (less than 24 hours after og posting, because I'm deranged). Big thanks to @bowl-o-nudel for the nudge :)

Edit (16/09/2024): I've had a few people say that the saying has appeared in Journal 3 multiple times, and having reread journal 3, to my delight it is indeed correct! And oh the CONTEXT they give. The two instances are those seem below; the first appearance in the title page of Journal 3, and second time is a page from when the twins graduate.

As well as all the parallels of how the phrase is applied for both Bill and Ford, as @zoizyboigy suggested, it seems to be a phrase that Ford takes as his own motto. It seems to be a highly personal motto to him; after all, they all are written around important turning moments in Ford's life; graduating, the journals which where to be his ticket to fame, fucking a triangle finding acceptance and intimacy with Bill , and lastly, moving on in his life from Bill and his destructive obsession with recognition. 

And it makes sense WHY this motto is one that is highly personal to Ford; the first time it is seen chronologically is when he's graduating, chosen when he believes he's going to be accepted into the university. It's a motto he chose because he was excited, because he thought he was already through his suffering and arriving to the stars of his fancy university, where validation and acceptance would abound; only that doesn't happen, and the suffering part within the motto is the only thing that's accurate, especially as that's when he rejects Stan. It's a motto chosen in celebration, that becomes a reminder of the failure to become someone who is accepted and important (and his prioritization of validation over relationships); it's now something he holds that reminds him of the validation he believes he deserves and he obsessively chases. 

And that's why you see it in the journal pages, because these journals are going to change his life, he's going to become finally a person of importance and be accepted with the information he's compiled in the journals. And in the same way, you see it after Bill (and interdimensional being of ancient knowledge) and him are intimate; he's become someone of importance to Bill, he's been accepted by Bill, even attractive to Bill (romance Ford seems to have terrible luck in).

And that's why you see it at the end of Ford's farewell to Bill; it's another turning point, it's Ford letting his obsession with world validation go which characterized it's meaning from the beginning, Ford letting go of his relationship with Bill, which it also came to mean, and instead celebrates his acceptance within his family and the strengthening of those bonds, and of prioritizing healthy, loving relationships.

Ps, if you enjoyed this meta post, I've also made another one, on exceptionalism!

[yugsly]

Hey uhhh. Sorry if this is too spoilery. So that Zine. Mentioning Capochin. THE FULL ON EMO EXCLUSIVE.

Do you think Capochin and [Redacted] improve together? They got a lot of work to do?? Is it okay for them to be together?

I wanna know MORE and I just. People are SCARED for Capochin myself included uhhhh.

PLEASE I NEED ANSWERS

Hey, before I say anything- I know they're mine and Day's characters, but anything I talk about related to "post-game" or context not in-game is still "speculation". Meaning, not necessarily canon unless it was something recorded in dev-text or something I specifically had in mind while creating it, not after. I would never want to snuff out anyone's own ideas for what things "mean". THAT BEING SAID, I have some things to say- DO NOT READ ON UNLESS YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE GAME:

So, It's pretty complicated and I've thought about it a lot during and after making the game. Hector's got to do a LOT of work to even earn Capochin's forgiveness, if he'll even give it to him. (if most anyone will give it to him, really.) It's a silly cartoon game but yes, the situation is pretty grim. I mean, you've seen that cooking video Capo made. You've seen what he said when you faced him at the end of the line. All those implications. Without getting into specifics, yeah, the situation was really, really bad. But it's complex. It's not black and white. Hector and Capo knew eachother for a long long time even before Hector became Inspekta (a nosy person might have noticed the news clippings in Milldread). So they go way back- and I imagine things were pretty great up until, and a good ways into Hector ascending. But you know, there was a certain turning point- leading to where he ended up. Razzma speaks on this a bit, throughout. (Razzma has a lot of interesting background tidbits, explore giving her different phrases!) Him realizing that becoming a god didn't solve his insecurities like he thought they might... and more... I won't elaborate too much, because I want you to imagine it yourself. I only want to spread a few bread crumbs and let you make up your minds, even if I have my own thoughts, you know? Your question: "Is it okay for them to be together?" Well, that's up to you to decide. It's okay to imagine whatever you want. Capo forgives Hector eventually? Great. He never forgives him? Also Great! Do I wish I had more time in-game to elaborate on these things? Sure, I do. There's a handful of things I'd love to have explored. But I also like that it's open ended- you can tell, at the end, even though the day was saved, Hector and Capo feel awful. Sure, Capochin gave him that confidence boost to save the day- nothing he said was a lie- it was just the right thing to do in the moment. But you know, they don't really get a chance to really hash it out. It allows for y'all to really brainstorm, the world is your oyster. Whatever you come up with- be kind to eachother and respect eachother's ideas, okay?

[mikurinkuwu]

Would you consider using phrases like "notp" and "squick" instead of "problematic" for ships you don't like? It's kinda rude for those of us who do like those ships, regardless of keeping "canon" ages or not.

Liking KaiLen or LukaMiku at their suggested or canon or whatever ages isn't inherently bad and not indicators of a person's morals. It'd be like saying liking Monitoring means you're okay with stalking.

I really love your art and HCs for MikuRin, it just hurt a little to see a phrase used for bad things/people on something silly like a NOTP.

???????? uhhhh no???? bc they're not my notps??? would u say shipping a 16 yo and a 20 yo isnt problematic? or a 14 yo with a fucking 20+ yo???? i literally said i LOVE kailen, where tf did u pull this notp shit from? "regardless of keeping canon ages" my ass, you can make them to be whatever you want, so why would you, on purpose, keep it in a disgusting way? this isnt about the ships themselves, its about shipping kids with adults, and while i dont gaf about the proship/anti discourse i still have my own opinions and limits, and this? is one of them, i appreciate you liking my art, but if you're shipping them with the previously mentioned ages i dont want you here for both my personal comfort and yours, thanks

[lepurcinus]

I will always hate with all my being the view and take of Watership Down as a depressing or dark story in the sense of "uhhhh life is suffering".

I don't care if it's in jest. The story isn't even remotely similar to that.

Where in this story of rabbits surviving together as a group facing adversity is that part understood? The story DOES have elements about death and the naturalness of it. They are rabbits after all. But death is far from being the most "in focus" element of the whole work, at least in that sense. Almost no important character dies or suffers an extremely tragic fate.

Yes, there is an entire warren being destroyed and yes, there are also rabbits that accept to die in order to have the security of being protected by a man, but those cases in particular are never treated as "normal" or left alone.

Do you even forget this little sentence right after the part about the rabbits being destroyed by the man?

"Would that the dead were not dead! But there is grass that must be eaten, pellets that must be chewed, hraka that must be passed, holes that must be dug, sleep that must be slept. Odysseus brings not one man to shore with him. Yet he sleeps sound beside Calypso and when he wakes thinks only of Penelope."

Or precisely the phrase with which begins that same chapter:

Rabbits (says Mr Lockley) are like human beings in many ways. One of these is certainly their staunch ability to withstand disaster and to let the stream of their life carry them along, past reaches of terror and loss. They have a certain quality which it would not be accurate to describe as callousness or indifference. It is, rather, a blessedly circumscribed imagination and an intuitive feeling that Life is Now. A foraging wild creature, intent above all upon survival, is as strong as the grass. Collectively, rabbits rest secure upon Frith's promise to El-ahrairah.

Come on, even the ending is a HAPPY ending. Hazel dies of old age, in peace being greeted by the legendary figure they admire as a hero, under the promise that all the rabbits will be well.

Certainly the depiction of Watership Down in nature is not just about how "realistic" it is just to show a dark morality of animals killing each other. Rather, it actually depicts these creatures' drive to survive and how circumstances lead them to break down barriers and accomplish things together that seemed impossible. How they all have a concept of life and struggle to reach it.

Nature in its essence and complexity is how it is actually created and affected by its own inhabitants, who through their actions are the origin of all good and bad.

And, call me crazy, but all this is FAR from representing misery and tragedy. It is pure light and hope.

Foolish anyone who believes that Watership Down is purely dark and depressing.

[calliesmemes]

EVEN MORE ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED SENTENCE STARTERS FROM AROUND THE INTERNET, including quotes from Tumblr, Pinterest, TikTok, and X (formerly known as Twitter), for when a muse wants to lighten up the situation at hand.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   It’s sea shanty time once again my fellow bastards of the ocean! ”

“   Partner, I reckon that I ain’t been feeling very yeehaw lately. ”

“   I don’t study; I consult the lore. ”

“   Yeah, I understand women — they all want daggers and swords. It’s all quite simple, really. ”

“   Lord forgive me but I may have to make a nonessential purchase. ”

“   Those are bold words for someone in stabbing range. ”

“   Yes I’m a gatekeeper and a hater. I’m also God’s most favorite princess and the most interesting girl in the world. ”

“   My primary motivations are fear, spite, and aesthetic longing. ”

“   Man — if I had a sword, I wouldn’t be worried about shit. ”

“   It’s not blood that runs through these veins but glitter gel pen ink. ”

“   If I was in a Jane Austen novel, I would be the one sent to the seaside for my health. ”

“   Half of me is a hopeless romantic, and the other half of me is … well … an asshole. ”

“   I am the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know. ”

“   I hope I give off the vibe to all animals that I am their ally and their friend. ”

“   I see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. Why is that? ”

“   Normalize letting me talk without making any sense. ”

“   Don’t care, didn’t ask, plus my psychic visions have predicted the outcome of this encounter. ”

“   I could be so much worse. For example, I could start acting like my father. ”

“   Sorry for acting so strange and irregular; It will happen again. ”

“   i love sitting in my room.....alone....a girl in her cave....scheming and plotting and drinking tea. ”

“   These man made horrors are beyond YOUR comprehension. I get it though. ”

“   I’m a goth girl on the inside. On the outside? A father figure. ”

“   I don’t need to face reality; I’m not just that type of girl. ”

“   DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A frickle-frackle? ”

“   I’m about to cha cha real smooth off a fucking cliff. ”

“   Sorry I told you about my trauma. Do you still think I’m hot? ”

“   My priorities aren’t straight and neither am I. ”

“   I have felt permanently guilty for no reason since I was like eight years old. ”

“   Of course I have a lot of pent up rage, you fool! I’ve been the same height since I was twelve years old! ”

“   I was born for shock value. ”

“   Good morning! God has let me live another day and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem. ”

“   Oh, I slept miserably because I was tormented by terrible visions all night. I hope none of them were prophetic! ”

“   Be the surreal nonsense that you want to see in the world. ”

“   Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot. ”

“   My hobbies include knowing things and being right. ”

“   This is good advice, but don’t tell me what to do. ”

“   I hate the idea of authority. What the fuck is someone being superior to me? Bitch I’m gonna take your kneecaps. ”

“   Stop forgiving my crimes! I worked so hard on those! ”

“   My hobbies? Uhhhh, symbolism mostly. Metaphors and implications and the like. ”

“   I may not have any braincells, but I make up for it by having many heart cells. ”

“   I can’t mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one guys! ”

“   Not all your life decisions have to be smart. Some can be purely for cinematic value. ”

“   Sometimes I wish I looked more fragile and feminine like a dainty flower, but I do enjoy looking like I hate everyone. ”

“   Any dream can be a prophetic dream if you’re willing to do some really weird shit. ”

“   girl help there is not enough enrichment in my enclosure. ”

“   BRO, you NEED to stop SUMMONING DEMONS in the FRAT HOUSE. ”

“   I just gave your address to some spiders! ”

“   I disappoint my father as a hobby now. ”

“   I think that the dark circles under my eyes add to my aesthetic actually. ”

“   Good news! I’ve successfully replaced all of my emotions with jokes! ”

“   I have half a braincell left and I’m very scared to use it! ”

“   Listen, son — in this world, it’s either yeet or be yeeted. ”

“   I appreciate the advice, but I think that I’m old enough to make my own bad decisions. ”

“   I’m disappointed in me too. Y’all aren’t special. ”

“   Running from your demons is the best exercise! ”

“   Sorry; I can’t commit any crimes with you. My mom says that I have to study. ”

“   Time flies when you don’t know what the fuck is going on. ”

“   If I run out of tacos, I can no longer maintain my human form. ”

“   Bestie, I don’t think that I can girlboss under these conditions. ”

“   Yeah I’ve had combat training; I can do anxiety attacks! ”

“   Swag is earned, not learned. ”

“   Contrary to popular belief, violence solves a lot. ”

“   I CANNOT STAND YOU ALL so I will SIT DOWN. ”

“   Please God no … I don’t need any more character development right now! ”

“   If you can’t beat ‘em, yeet ‘em. ”

“   Do not put me in a situation. I’m at my limit and I am very tired. ”

“   I may be depressed, but at least I’m not basic. ”

“   It’s MY LIFE and I’ll sabotage it myself, thank you. ”

“   Think twice? Bold of you to assume that I think once. ”

“   At the next inconvenience, I will start biting people. ”

“   Oops I think that I just experienced an emotion. ”

“   Did you know that rats spelled backwards is star? ”

“   One day, I’ll be reincarnated as a pigeon, and I’ll shit on your head. ”

“   On the outside, I’m a baddie — but on the inside, I’m a saddie. ”

“   My grandma bullies me through the Ouija board. ”

“   I’m a cool person if you can just look past my personality. ”

“   Beetles don’t have to do taxes, and I think that is a beautiful way to live. ”

“   I hope that you get your character development arc soon. ”

“   Those are some nice kneecaps … It’d be a shame if someone stole them … ”

“   I’ve wanted to be a trophy wife ever since I was a little boy. ”

“   I’m done being baby; I want POWER ”

“   Wait, “Just Standing There Ominously” doesn’t count as socializing? ”

“   Yes I am smart, and yes, I am stupid. It’s called being flexible. ”

“   I am NOT delusional!!!!! I am OPTIMISTIC! ”

“   I deserve compensation for not being the menace to society that i could be, like i'm skipping out on a lot of fun here. ”

“   Do not ask me if you should or shouldn't do something !!! Before I am a friend I am an enabler !!! ”

“   i am the WORLDS PRETTYIST PINK PRINCESS and im gonna KILL YOU WITH MY HUGE FUCKING HAMMER ”

[miwiheroes]

Dropping Byler Evidence Every Day Until Season 5

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ Day 9: The Van Drawing . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

This is yet another piece of evidence that can probably be argued against with the phrase: 'Not everything is intention!!!' UHHHH maybe not everything but this definitely fucking is. Positioning shots in film is literally a language, it's there to tell viewers things that can't be said with words like books can. If byler is not endgame I will personally write to the directors like WHAT IS THIS???

As you can see here, this is an obvious attempt at showcasing what the characters are thinking without them being able to say it. It's right in front of our eyes and is very literal.

El is placed in front of the girl drawing, and Mike and Will are placed exactly where the thought bubble is. So she's thinking about them. DUH. ITS SO THERE ITS RIGHTTHEREGUYS....

They extend this even further, emphasising that it's El who is in the place of the girl, by having this shot with the thought bubble literally coming out of her head:

A face-on shot like this isn't very common, especially when a character is talking to another person. Also, the thought bubble looks like the one that Millie drew herself while the one with the very long extended shot (the first pic) looks different. They cut back to this shot three more times (a total of FOUR):

So when El originally draws on the van, she's doing it describe Max (who is represented by the girl in the middle) and the fact she will go inside her mind as well as Vecna (both represented by similar looking stick figures on the right). When she draws on it first, it looks like this:

The camera here is zooming in. If the camera kept zooming in, the thought bubble of the two men would not be right of Mike and Will so they literally had to redraw it so that it would be, clearly meaning that it's very intentional.

Already, this shot had indicated that byler would be together, but paired with the fact that they put this much effort into emphasising it to the audience. They just wanted this little hint that badly.

What does this drawing suggest? It could suggest that El knows something about them, maybe, she might have noticed them changing after her time in the lab, who knows. All I know is that there is no reason to place them in this shot in this way without it hinting at the outcome of the show.

Now it really makes sense why she didn't talk to Mike after the love monologue. Either because she knows he's lying (she's slammed the same door after being lied to before) or because she's realised she never needed him to say I love you.

[ilovetheriddler]

Ooooh! I would love a little fluffy something with my space husband Data!!

Uhhhh ummm maybe bedtime??? He doesn’t need to sleep but I do!!

💚💚💚💚

I love this idea! Yes!!! Finally, some data fics! I hope data is in character enough, I tried to make sure that i didn't write him using any contractions, since he usually doesn't if i recall correctly? It's been a bit since I last watched TNG, I need to rewatch it again soon.... anyway, I hope that you enjoy it!

Do you dream?

(Star Trek) Data x F!Reader.

Word Count: 520.

Contents: Fluff! Bedtime Snuggles and Cuddles!

You let out an exhausted huff as you laid down. It was a fairly usual day on the enterprise, but man, were you tired. Data stared at you silently for a few moments, contemplating his next words.

"....I am not sure as to why you needed me to be here?"

"Because you're my boyfriend, is it so strange to want to snuggle with you while I fall asleep?"

A look of brief contemplation crossed Data's face before he seemingly accepts your reasoning for desiring his comfort.

"I suppose that is a within reason excuse as to why you would, but I must ask, do you consider me to be a good lover?"

"Oh, um... yeah? Why wouldn't I? I wouldn't be with you if I didn't think you were great!"

"...I see, very well then, I am glad that you enjoy my company."

You couldn't help but chuckle slightly at the unique and particular way that Data spoke and phrased his overall sentences. You found it to be quite endearing. He carefully went about getting into your bed next to you, pulling the covers over the both of you despite the fact that he wouldn't be sleeping himself.

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to rest against his chest. As you laid there, snuggling your face against the front of his uniform, a simple question popped into your head that left you curious.

"I've been wondering for a while now. Are you capable of dreaming?"

Data was quiet for a moment, giving your question a lot of thought and consideration before forming an answer to it.

"I am incapable of dreaming in the traditional sense, however i am able to review my memory banks whenever I put myself into a brief rest mode for diagnostics tests, so perhaps that could be considered a type of dreaming in itself?"

"Hmm.... that's actually really interesting."

After another moment of silence, he spoke up, inquiring about what you dream of.

"If you do not mind me asking, what do you dream of when you are asleep? Do you remember them, or are they more fleeting and forgettable?"

"Umm... let me think.... I guess most of them aren't really too memorable, but i do occasionally dream of you.... usually of us getting married.... to be entirely honest..."

He seemed a bit surprised at your answer. You often dreamed of marrying him? How intriguing. Data shifted his hold on you, moving one of his hands to rest on your cheek, resting there gently.

"....I do not understand why you would wish to marry me, i think it would objectively be better if you married someone capable of actually... feeling love and passion for you."

"Don't be ridiculous Data! You feel more than enough love and passion for me to be happy! It doesn't matter if you don't experience or feel emotions in the traditional way. I truly believe that you just... experience them in your own way, and that's perfectly fine and one of the reasons why I love you so much!"

"... I am... very content with the fact that you feel that way...:

[mikimakiboo]

Time Travelers AU - Chess and Feelings

Just so ya'll know I have like four to five tabs constantly opened just for the translations and historical info

And also I found a better site for Old Norse lmao so Horror won't be speaking in runes anymore hopefully unless I can't find translations and there is only runes available

Also I don't know how phrases are constructed in Old Norse so I just take the English and translate word by word

But yeah I'll make it work lmaoo

First

Prev

Next

Also I actually wanted to write more but it's taking long because I'm inexplicably tired so I decided to cut the part here so ya'll don't have to wait too long :') so yeah excuse the shortness

@ancha-aus pspspsps come here pspspsps

There was a V on today's date on the calendar. V for vacation. Dust had vacations this month, and he completely forgot about that. He should have guessed it, he usually never had a day off on a Saturday unless he was on vacation the next week, and vacations meant being paid less, which also meant he'll need to buy less to save more because the bills would be the same price, which also meant that what he was going to buy now would have to be his last spent of the month.

He had found an English to Old Norse dictionary on one of his town's bookstore website and if he bought it online now he could go get it from the store the next morning.

Dust was staring at his computer screen when he heard Horror sit next to him.

- Hvat ir sá ?

He asked, pointing to the screen. Dust wondered for a second if he was talking about the computer or the dictionary, having guessed that the viking asked what it was with his tone.

- It's, uh... to understand you ? Uh.. wait.

He went back on his other tab, and typed "to understand" before translating. "vita".

Horror nodded, he didn't know how an image was going to help Dust understand anything but he guessed it might be a sort of sacred thing that Dust could look at and receive answers, maybe it was from the gods ?

- You, uh.. wanna do something ?

Dust asked. Everyone was occupied: Cross was as usual guarding the door, Nightmare was reading a new book on the tablet, and Dust had found his old kaleidoscope he gave to Killer and that he hadn't let go off yet, the only one not doing anything was Horror.

Horror looked at him, and looked at the computer, waiting for Dust to translate. He didn't know what that thing was, but Dust could make it talk his language. Dust tried different words to have the best translation possible. "Tafl, háttr, tefla", "game, activity, play". Horror nodded and pointed at "game", he could play games, he was good at table games.

- Okay uhhhh wait a sec.

Dust went back on Google to look for the kind of games vikings used to play, and apparently they played chess, their own version of chess of course, it was called hnefatafl and was played by two people, fortunately the game became popular enough to be commercialized in Dust's time, which meant he could easily find the rules as well as apps to play.

- Okay wait, I'll grab my iPad it'll be easier than on the computer.

He said as he got up and quickly left to go in his room, looking through his nightstand to find his old iPad with a cracked screen. He turned it on and installed the app on his way back to the table where Horror was waiting for him. He put the tablet down on the table, between the two of them, with the rules on his computer.

Horror looked at it curiously, recognizing one of his favorite games, but finding the board quite weird. Was it how boards looked like at that time or was it another magical device of Dust that could replicate board games ?

- Oookay, so uh.. you have to touch the screen to make the pieces move.

Dust showed him by moving his first piece. Horror looked at it for a while before slowly pressing a finger on the screen and dragging it to where he wanted his piece to go, and to his surprise, it went there. He smiled as he looked at Dust, proud to be able to make the magical device follow his orders. Dust smiled back.

- Cool, so, uh, my turn I guess.. ?

He checked the rules again, and moved his piece. Horror moved his after him, and the two could soon enjoy a nice game of ancient chess, not aware that they were being watched.

Cross was looking at them, or more precisely he was looking at Dust, his words running in his head over and over again: Dust thought he was doing a good job, he smiled at him and told him he did good ! Was he proud ? He wanted him to be proud, he wanted to make someone proud for once, he knew he wasn't the best knight, he was too emotional, too anxious, he talked either too much or not enough, he was even one of the very few knights who didn't come for a noble family, so having someone tell him he did good and smile at him brought so much warmth in his soul. Dust was nice, he welcomed them in his house, made great efforts to communicate with all of them, he was so smart, and he didn't let himself succumb to panic or despair, he didn't think twice before making them come inside his house. He was impressive. Cross... admired him.

He wanted to talk to him but he didn't know how, as he had to stay by the door in case someone broke in and even then he shouldn't be distracted from his work by chatting, so he looked at him from afar, he watched him play some game with Horror. Horror seemed nice too, he looked strong but he wasn't aggressive, Cross could tell he perfectly controlled his strength, he was rather calm. He was warry of him at first, but the viking never showed any signs of being a threat. As for Killer... he couldn't quite tell what Killer wanted. The way the roman often looked at him with his big wide empty sockets always sent chills all along his spine, how he often checked his blades in the moonlight, but he didn't seem to want to attack and looked more curious about his surroundings than anything. Nightmare of course wasn't a threat, it was clear he was a noble and took too much care of his appearance to engage in a fight, and even so Cross wasn't even sure he knew how to fight, at least not in a real fight. None of them seemed dangerous, but Cross still had to be prepared, and so he couldn't lower his guard to go and talk to Dust even though he quite wanted to. He had to stay here and watch, that was his job, and hopefully if he did it good then Dust would smile at him again...

- Damn you're good.

Dust admitted to Horror, having lost three times in a row against him, but he still put on a good fight, he was really close to winning !

Horror smiled, Dust was a strong opponent, he liked playing with him, he liked the simple fact that he choose something from his culture, that he tried so hard to integrate him, he really was a nice guy. He gave him a pat on the shoulder, with much less strength than the previous night, he didn't want to launch him across the table after all.

They looked at each other for a minute before Dust got up.

- I, uh.. I'll make food, uhh... matr.. ?

He tried hesitantly before relaxing when seeing Horror smile and nod at him, he felt quite proud of himself for catching a few words.

- Cool, so uh.. I'll go.

He quickly went to the kitchen. He hated how awkward he sounded all the time, and it seemed to be stronger around Horror, probably because he couldn't use the vocal command with him and had to look on specific sites, so he actually had to search for the correct translations and he was always afraid he would say something totally incorrect or possibly rude, but so far Horror only smiled at him and gave him time to find his words... he really wanted to do good for him, to at least try to establish some amical bond with one of them, in case they would stay in his apartment for a while...

It would be good to have a friend in this mess.

Really good.

[simp999]

Hi! I saw your requests were open and thought I'd pop in to ask How Would The Mercs Reach To Their S/O Picking Up Phrases Or Slang That They Use! Bonus points if S/O also says phrases in the Mercs' native tongue ^^

THIS IS THE STUFF, PEOPLE!!!! I love this prompts so much oh my gosh, thank you so much for requesting!!! I may have gotten a tad carried away with Sniper's part, whoops..

Merc's Reactions to Their S/O Picking up Words/Phrases/Slang That They Use - drabbles

Total wc: 2.4k

Mercs included: All

Masterlist

Scout:

After being around him for such a long time, it’s not too surprising that sometimes you’d accidentally slip into a bostonian accent for some words. But the first time Scout caught you saying one of his lines was in the middle of battle. - Your two classes didn’t really mesh too well, so you wouldn’t be near each thother too often. Which means that he has no idea how long you’ve been doing this for.

You hadn’t noticed Scout run behind you after noticing you turning a corner. You jumped down from the ledge, spotting an opponent right below you. With a big swing of your weapon and a crit hit that landed perfectly on the back of their head, you shouted:

“Hah! Take that, chucklenuts!”

Scout couldn’t help but laugh at that, feeling pride wash through him. That means you think he’s funny! It’s not a direct complement, but it sure feels like it for him. It probably didn’t help that you yelled “BONK!” as your hit landed, too. It didn’t really matter to him if you guys ended up winning that battle or not, because that was a big enough win for him. (Though, you did end up winning with how much quicker he was on his feet.)

It really just made him fall even more in love with you.

Soldier:

Hearing him go on about war and America so often eventually meant you using references some times, or throwing in a few words relating to those things at times. It’s happened before where your team was right close to losing, so the opposing team felt more lax and confident. You were the start of the comeback, killing their Medic, and shouting:

“It ain’t over 'till it’s over, Maggot!”

Soldier didn’t even catch the fact that you used one of his most common nicknames. It just kinda flew over his head.

Of course, it wasn’t just words and phrases that you’d stolen from him - It’d be wrong to say that you didn’t get a bit more chaotic, too.

The one that struck him right in the face, though, was when you sacrificed yourself for him, while killing multiple enemies. You had shouted “Death before dishonor!” as you did. 

It had landed you the victory.

After the battle, he had quickly picked you up and threw you on his shoulders, holding your legs in place as he marched on. He gave you a whole speech about how “YOU DESERVE A MEDAL OF HONOR, CUPCAKE!!”

Pyro:

-Uhhhh

.

.

-jk, as if I’d leave my favorite firebug out ;)

Obviously, mimicking any common phrases of theirs wasn’t really possible…but! I can promise you that they only fell harder for you when you started adapting their little tweaks to sign language that they tended to use. One thing that was very common of Pyro to do was to use the short form of “I love you”. They loved the fact that it was so much quicker to do, and easy, and it’s so simple!

There’s a good chance that you weren’t completely fluent in sign language when you first showed up as a merc, so you had Engineer and Pyro gladly help you. So, that’s what made them even more excited to see you pick up on their mannerisms.

Because you knew the right way to do it. Pyro knows this, because they’ve seen you either learn it with Engie, or do it before.

Their favorite thing was seeing how you got more comfortable with sign language with time. Your movements are so much less stiff, and much quicker. It’s almost second nature to you now, and they can’t express how happy it makes them!

Though, lots of cuddles and gasmask kisses seems to do the trick.

Heavy:

Heavy caught you the first time you said it. His favorite step in your relationship was the night he decided to call you милая (milaya). You two were snuggled up next to eachother after a long day of battles, enjoying eachother’s warmth. (He’s a human heater, so this happens pretty often.) He wasn’t really expecting you to catch it, throwing it in the middle of his sentence to try to hide it. - He’s still a bit nervous about trying new things, you know! - But, you had indeed questioned him on what it meant. He merely explained that it was a term of endearment, and he struggled to find similar english words and ended up fumbling with Honey, Darling and Sweetie. Your face had gotten a little warmer at that, but you had expressed how much you liked the name and he had began to use it since. Now, it simply rolled off his tongue with ease when talking or calling out to you.

Ironically, it was nearly the same situation, only months later. You two were once again cuddling after a long day, though much more tired. This time, you two were laying down on Heavy’s giant bed with him on his back and you on your front right on top of him. You were almost out like a light, but you had noticed that your throat was dry. A glass of water was within Heavy’s reach, so you had mumbled in a groggy voice:

“Mind passing me that glass of water, милая(Milaya)?”

The way you said it without the russian accent almost tripped him up, but he froze right before picking up the glass for you. He figured you must have meant to use his nickname, Misha, or even his actual name, Mikail. He didn’t ask you about it, as you were asleep before he could form the right sentence. 

It had plagued his mind for a while though, and may have made his face go pink a few times during battle. 

Engineer:

Do you guys have any idea how wild some southern phrases can be?? Imagine picking up on that! But I won’t go into that, instead, imagine adapting his southern conjunctions. Ya’ll, ain’t, Y'all'd've. .. okay maybe not that last one, but still.

Something more common that you most likely picked up on was sometimes no longer pronouncing the G at the end of words. Fixin’, attackin’, goin’, etc. Just like Scout, you probably also had a few words that slipped into that southern accent.

But by far, the most common thing you did was drop the G and use ‘y’all’. Dell definitely noticed, and probably poked fun at you at times.

“Ya’ll wanna play darts or somethin’ later?” You head poked into the common room, where most of the usual mercs were hanging out, already drinking beer and chatting away. He’d let out a snicker, then follow it up with something along the lines of:

“Yer startin’ ‘ta sound a lil’ too much like me, Honeybee.”

He definitely gently teases you about it, “correcting” you if you “forget” to use the southern version of whatever you said.

“Don’tchya mean ‘ya’ll’?”

Demoman: (small gore mention)

Man, don’t get me started with all the weird stuff he says. The thing is, he doesn’t often use the same insults, so you don’t end up picking up on the more obscure ones. You might slip and say “ya” instead of “you”, and you might pick up on using “bloody” to accentuate what you’re trying to say. You might also pick up saying “aye” to get people’s attention. 

He thought it was absolutely adorable, and would often follow through with whatever you said with something of his own. 

You really wanted to use your favorite line of his on the battlefield one day, but he just so happened to be with you when you got a sweet domination, taking an opponent’s head clean off. You kinda forgot that he was with you, as he was focused on another opponent, so you let the line slip:

“Hah! They’re going to have to glue you back together… IN HELL!”

You weren’t expecting him to notice, or at least make it obvious that he did, but he immediately called out after you:

“AYE, THAT’S RIGHT YE BLOODY BADASS! THA’S HOW IT’S DONE!!” 

Medic: (Gore mention)

It’s common for Medic to use filler words such as "eh, ah, um, er, eheh, aha, ja", and you’ve adopted that little habit. He finds it adorable that you started copying him!

Though, he definitely treats it as an experiment, as he does with most things. He also probably tallies it up. Like, he’ll just be having a conversation with you and have his notepad handy, and he only stops tallying when it seems like you might be catching on.

He’ll purposely use one of the filler words more often than others to see if you’ll do the same. It works! For some you begin to use them right away, others may take a while of exposure for you to start absentmindedly saying them. 

The first time you used a german, non-filler word was in a fit of panic.

You had been practising some stuff on some subjects that Medic had allowed you to borrow. Of course you were interested in experimenting with bodies and animals, even people, sometimes! -You got with Medic, this is to be expected. - He knows he’s taught you enough for you to be safe to do this type of stuff on your own, and he allows you to use the medbay whenever. 

He had walked in to tell you to come take a break to have something to eat, when you accidentally cut your hand with a scalpel. Without a second thought, you quickly let out a hushed “Scheiße!” before turning around to take care of the wound, spotting Medic. He didn’t have time to question you about it, since taking care of you was the only thing on this mind at the time.

Sniper:

The first time it happened was when Scout had asked you to hang out. He apparently wanted to show you something cool, but you were busy making yourself a snack. Mundy had just walked into the kitchen when he heard your reply; 

“Cheers! I’ll be free in a bit!” 

Scout didn’t seem to notice anything. Or if he did, he didn’t mention it. He just started rambling on about whatever cool thing he was about to show you. Sniper didn’t want to bother you when you seemed genuinely interested in Scout’s mostly one-sided conversation, but if you had looked over at him, you would have been able to spot a slight raise of his brow and the tiniest hint of a smirk.

The second time was when Demo had accidentally spilled some of his scrumpy on you. He was extremely apologetic, but you kept reassuring him that it was alright.

“No wuckas, Demo! I’ll just go change real quick.”

Yet again, you walked off before he could question you.

The third time got him backstabbed. 

Though he’d never admit it, he often sometimes watched you through his scope, wanting to keep his S/O safe. This time, you just so happened to be semi-facing him, when you ran into a sticky bomb. You had noticed it a moment too late, so you weren’t able to dodge it. You only had enough time to mutter a quick “...Piss.” before being sent to respawn. Sniper was able to read your lips, and he couldn’t help but snort and let out a chuckle, not allowing himself to listen to his surroundings.

Finally, you did it when it was just you and him in his camper van. The two of you were bored and looking for something to do, when you had spotted something behind Mundy. You gestured towards it;

“Hey, wanna pass the deck of cards, mate?”

He froze for a moment, then he allowed his smirk to grow. You sat in silence, wondering what was so funny. He noticed the look of confusion on your face.

“Mate… really? You’re not doin’ that t’make fun of me, are ya?”

Your brows only furrowed further together, “What, what’d I do?” 

He never called you ‘mate’ anymore, not after the two of you got together. Usually, he called you ‘Roo’ or ‘Love’.

“You called me ‘Mate.’”

“I-” You look at him in disbelief, finally making proper sense of his previous sentence. Then a smile began to slowly grow across your face, “no.. did I really?”

“Yeah, you’ve been playin’ parrot for a while, now,”

You shake your head and cover your face in embarrassment as you lean into his side. You hadn’t even noticed!

“S’alright, Roo. ’S pretty funny,” he snuggled a little closer, only to give you a small peck on the temple, “n’ cute, too.”

Spy:

One thing for certain was that he very rarely used your actual name. It was always pet names and names of endearment- always french ones. 

‘Mon amour, mon coeur, ma/mon chèr(e)’, etc. And since you hung around him so much, it wasn’t rare to hear him use french swears and insults dropped in conversation every so often when talking about past battles and such. Once, he had accidentally spilled his glass of wine, and he uttered “Merde..” under his breath. The same thing happened when a burnt piece of his cigarette had fallen onto his suit, though this time he had said it a bit louder. He’d called people ‘con’ or ‘connard’, ‘crétain, putain,’ and many more. One that was a little more common around the others was ‘ta geule’, or ‘ferme ta geule.’ You eventually learnt that it meant something along the lines of “Shut up”. 

One day, when you were extremely frustrated with an overly obnoxious opponent who really enjoyed taunting you, you muttered:

“Ferme ta geule, connard!”

As the opponent fully came to face you, trying to make sense of the words you had let out, they got backstabbed. 

You were simply a distraction. 

Though, that didn’t stop the way Spy’s cigarette fell from his lips as he finally thought twice about what you had said moments prior.

“Mon amour, it’s best you don’t start using those words too often.”

July.27.23

[gowns]

gender appointment

ok so this is the second "gender affirming care" appointment that i've had and it was sooo funny. at first the guy seemed kinda spiky but then i realized he's just doing so many of these e-visits and he's burned out, and he knows how stupid the bureaucracy is, so eventually we reached an understanding and were both lol'ing at every question and the specific way they fish for exact answers to be approved for care

e.g., he would give me a question like "when you were an adolescent or young adult, were you distressed by an incongruence between your secondary sex characteristics and your internal gender identity," and i would be like "uhhhh i mean yeah i've always thought it was weird that i have massive tits" and he would smile and be like "that can technically be classified as body dysmorphia, not gender dysmorphia specifically, so maybe you could reword it like... 'because of your gender identity'?" and i would add "...because of my gender identity" and he would nod and say "yeah, that's what they're looking for"

hahaha

the whole thing felt rather stupid because he knew all the exact answers that i needed to say to be approved for top surgery, but they had to be "coming from me"

so he had to "coach" me into saying the right phrases that would "unlock" the procedure i'm looking for

even as i type this out now, i can see how this could be perceived by transphobic people as like, "omg, it's too easy to get a random surgery"; "omg, he was putting the words in their mouth"

but no it's more like a kafka situation. like i know that i want this and he knows that i want this but we have to check the boxes that the machine recognizes as me wanting this

which i've wanted for ages, and held off on it because i still needed the validation of massive tits, or whatever, but now i am more secure in myself to be able to pursue something i have wanted for ages; in particular, in a time where i'm not sure how much longer 1) my insurance will last 2) my insurance will cover this procedure

and the only way it's covered is if i say "if i don't get this surgery i will want to kms" (but i also can't say "i am currently wanting to kms" or i will be perceived as being mentally unfit for the procedure), even though i do not want to kms and won't kms !!

otherwise it will be perceived as "elective breast reduction" e.g. due to vanity and not like, existential crisis

but for the insurance, you have to say that it is gender-specific existential crisis

"from a young age, i've always wanted to be an orb" is not accepted on the assessment form

[retrocesosdestacion]

SNAP OUT OF IT. | ellie carpenter

ellie carpenter x reader

genres: soft angst, comfort.

warnings: english!reader, some swearing words, couple fights, r being stupid again, wc semi-final.

notes: uhhhh i really enjoyed writing this, also writing ellie it's so satisfying because no matter the situation she's always understandable 😭

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: Sometimes you need to be injured to understand things and patiently resolve them.

Believing in me is scary, but let me tell you one more secret: Discovering love is loving without fear; the beginning is sweet and the end is sour.

PK.

The last thing you felt was your nose staring at the grass with all the strength in the world, even with your attempt to protect it with your hands.

Perhaps it was quite strong, mainly because the odor of blood emitted more and more into your nostrils every second.

Your ankle, aching and tensing, which at least was an answer that you hadn't been injured enough to leave the pitch.

You're not used to this kind of tackle; normally you are determined enough to dodge.

But Ellie Carpenter didn't make mistakes. No matter who it was, it was always a success; even if you were her girlfriend.

❝ Hey, is everything okay? ❞ A muffled female voice echoed through your ears. You weren't in the best situation to look who it was, but you mentally hoped it was the Australian.

The voice now became a whistle; probably calling the medical team. At this point, the woman whose saying was actually the referee.

Progressively, muffled voices began to appear, and you at least wished one of them was Ellie.

It slowly started to irritate you. The subtle conversations around you were sickening, the blood dripping from the tip of your lips and the shame of getting hurt in front of a worldwide audience didn't help.

You pushed yourself up, pressing both palms to the bloody grass and slowly rising; sitting down.

Reddened cheeks, a mixture of embarrassment and drops of blood, your light blue uniform slowly absorbed each of those drops. ❝ Shit. ❞ You groaned.

❝ Is everything ok with you? ❞ They asked that again. But this time, it was Greenwood who was there. ❝ Can you stand up?! ❞ She was attentive.

You just nodded your head in confirmation. Even though it was a strong impact against the ground, it wasn't the worst thing in the world. ❝ I'm fine. ❞ You mumbled.

Took time to breathe deeply as you sat on the stadium lawn waiting for the medical team.

It was the year of the World Cup, the big semi-final against Australia and one step away from the final. Up to this point, you have played perfectly so you could take England all the way.

But now? Things went downhill, in reality, it wasn't like England depended on you; we're talking about the woman on the other side.

The woman who was five meters away, looking at you, the one who didn't dare approach you after the tackle.

Ellie Carpenter was like a sentence in some book that you start to love. The type of phrase you tattoo on your skin to remember, that stays in your mind.

And that was what enchanted you; Carpenter was the woman of your life and you loved it.

But at that moment, that magic disappeared. You at least expected her to come up to you and apologize or whatever two human people would do.

Raso reached Ellie, placed her arm on Ellie's shoulder and the two turned as if they were going to discuss something. No more or less.

And it stung your heart, like a stab so sturdy that it created a lump in your throat. It was no longer the pain of falling to the ground that was bothering you, but the pain of hers idiocy.

An urge to cry grew inside you, immense chagrin bubbled up. The fact that Ellie hadn't come to you until now had destroyed you enough to make yourself angry.

Of course, a while back you two promised to show the minimum amount of affection in public to respect the relationship. But that? That was already an baloney, conceivably even a lack of esteem towards you.

I mean, that's what you thought. The Australian defender turned back and laid eyes on you. The typical regretful and scared look, desperate to see you well.

But you were too blind to see this, perhaps because of the oxygen in your brain, of anger or appertaining to so many people being in front of you.

Within minutes, you had a cotton ball stuck in your left nostril. People had already dispersed and Alex pulled you to your feet.

You were already standing, the referee was explaining the rules for the free kick meters after the center line; such words that entered one side of the ear and came out the other.

It was the last minute of first half stoppage time, you were begging for it to end once and for all. The euphoric feeling of playing was gone, and you just wanted to go to the locker room.

You kicked without thinking, seconds after the whistle. Unsuccessfully, it went outside.

The high-pitched sound rose three times in a row.

Greenwood patted you on the back, indirectly advising you to go straight to the locker room. The captain went ahead and you stayed behind, after all, a tug on your shirt stopped you.

The clear blue eyes, as the ocean, stare at you. Such eyes that you were so used to seeing in your everyday life.

❝ Hey. ❞ She let go muttering, still holding the sleeve of your jersey.

It sounds so scary that you were so wrathful, that Ellie's face was sickening at that moment. You couldn't bear to see her.

❝ I'm sorry, I didn't mean to— ❞ Before the Australian could apologize for her actions, you pushed her hand away.

❝ Forget it. ❞ To be honest, any unusual word in your vocabulary with the defender was terrifying.

❝ [reader], it wasn’t— ❞

❝ Your intention? I know. ❞ You interrupted her.

Ellie knows you very, very well. But when you acted so stupid, it was like all your months together were thrown into the fire and you just became another stranger.

❝ Can you stop being like that for once and listen to me?! ❞

❝ If you wanted to talk to me, you should have come sooner, no? ❞

❝ That's what I'm trying to explain to you, if you would stop being stupid. ❞ Gradually, the defender's patience disappeared.

❝ Am I being the stupid one now? It wasn't me who neglected to stay by your side. ❞ You had a habit of acting as if you were the center of the universe. ❝ Don't waste my time anymore, please. ❞

The feeling that you are worthless to no one is scary. And that's what Ellie felt.

❝ Right. ❞ She murmured, clearly holding back tears. Ellie's voice was a completely broken tightrope, struggling between not crying and not screaming.

You had more words stuck in your throat, you wanted to say how stupid Carpenter was to leave you there, how stupid she was for not even talking to you. But to be honest, that was already too much.

Hearing Ellie's intonation break in half broke his heart. This just showed that sometimes, you weren't prepared at all for such rough falls.

But in this life, who is?

You turned your back on Ellie, before things got worse; before you turn it into a dead end.

Watching Ellie play for the last forty-five minutes while you were on the bench was the worst thing ever seen today.

I mean, anyone could clearly say that the Australian was not doing well in terms of her own performance.

And this created an vast discomfort within you, after all, it was obvious that you were to blame for this.

Carpenter was the type of person who didn't care about other people's comments, paying minimal attention to opinions; good or bad.

But you were an exception. You had the privilege of always being able to comment or advise something in your girlfriend's life.

Yes, exactly. You should have been careful with your words.

Your fingers drummed on own upper thigh, while the same leg shook with anxiety. You just wanted it all to end soon.

Not just because of Ellie, but you guys were winning; you were reaping what you sowed.

You wanted to hear the last whistle and run in front of that field and finally be able to celebrate advancing to the finals.

And said and done, it happened. Three whistles were enough for you to leave the bench and run to the first teammate you saw.

Hugs, celebrations and pure self-resilience. Your mind acted like a switch, going from overwhelming worry and anxiety to the greatest euphoric feeling of your life.

Within moments, the muffled sound of joyful shouts and Earps tirelessly repeating words of victory near you were your joyful moments.

But your life was a faulty switch, the nonsense comes back at you like a rubber band pulled against your own skin, without control.

Obviously, your eyes are like a machine configured only to focus on the one piece of your life.

Even if you had won, you still lost.

You know when people say they hate seeing the love of their life sad? That's exactly what happened.

One of the scariest moments of your life was looking in detail at Ellie's tired and destroyed face.

You were terrible, you were bad. How many times have you made Carpenter's heart a wreck that keeps pounding for you?

You swallowed hard before abandoning your team and stepping firmly onto the greenish ground, heading towards her.

Ellie had taken off her headband before sitting on the grass, near the goal area.

It's kind of funny that you have the courage to go to her after everything.

The Australian was sitting with her back to the crowd, facing your direction, looking at the ground. It's even surprising that she didn't notice you getting close.

❝ Hey. ❞ You said awkwardly, standing in front of Carpenter.

She did not answer. In fact, she didn't even look at you.

And that hurts a lot. You tried again, but now sitting next to her.

You stayed quiet, not even looking at her. The silence at that time remained, the only thing that passed by were the screams of the crowd.

❝ You should be with them. ❞ It was Ellie's first sentence after minutes of crushing silence.

❝ I can celebrate a victory several times. Staying with you is unique. ❞

The defender slowly turned her face towards you, with a beautiful but lying smile. ❝ I'm sorry. ❞

❝ Don't apologize. ❞ You muttered. ❝ I went excessive angry with you. ❞

❝ I should have stayed with you when I did that. ❞ Ellie whispered. ❝ But I was scared. I didn't want to see what I did to you. ❞

You didn't answered back, but kept cutting the few grasses of the stadium with your fingers. Carpenter stared at you, as if you were a child playing in the playground.

❝ You are under no obligation to do anything. ❞ You said.

❝ Yes, I do. You love me, and it's the least I can do for it. ❞

You laughed while holding back your laughter. It wasn't funny, but you weren't expecting it.

❝ To be honest, I was very sad to see you like this. ❞

Ellie smiled a very naive smile, as if she was slowly forgetting the things that had happened. She brought her body closer to you, so she could lay her head on your shoulder.

❝ I thought you said you didn't like being with me like this, in public. ❞ You joked.

❝ Oh, shut up. ❞ She crossed one of her arms around yours. ❝ I hope next time you keep your mouth shut for the entire ninety minutes. ❞

❝ Okay, from now on. ❞ You gestured as if you were closing your lips.

❝ No! ❞ Carpenter laughed as he lightly pushed his body. ❝ Not now! Currently, I just want to hear your voice and be by your side. ❞

Despite everything, it's very funny and incredible how easily you made Ellie forget the defeat a few minutes ago, and how she made you forget all your problems.

She was the type of person that when you meet, you two just fit. You feel as good as if you've known her your whole life, and you don't need to hide anything.

You took a strong, calm breath, as if you had finally overcome the pain.

❝ I was thinking about you the entire second half. ❞ It's actually interesting, for the simple fact that Ellie always told you to be professional and not mix sports and dating.

❝ I know you. ❞ You said before letting out a giggle. ❝ And you could tell, since I didn't take my eyes off you. ❞

❝ Yuck! You seem like a dramatic romantic. ❞ Deep down, the Australian love it.

You slowly wrapped one of your arms around Ellie's body, so you could comfortably place a peck on her temple. ❝ Maybe. ❞

❝ Stop being an idiot. ❞ She joked.

❝ Only if you promise not to be sad with me anymore. ❞ You raised your right pinky.

Ellie smiled a beautiful smile, the kind that warms your soul; She closed his pinky with hers.

❝ I promise. ❞