#but one week after knowing total turnover

[tenrose]

Started a crime book, critics call it a "radical environmentalist manifesto", and short story long story, someone kidnapped the CEO of Total.

So anyway I hope the obvious criminal will die.

[caffeinewitchcraft]

AITA for telling my boyfriend’s coworkers that he’s lying about his body count?

I (35f) have been dating my boyfriend (32m) for four years. It’s honestly been the best relationship until last Friday when it all went down. I feel like I’m in the right, but now I’m wondering if I overstepped.

For context, my boyfriend has been a professional Slasher for about eight months now. He’s always really admired Cryptids, Monsters, and Nightmares so when his application was finally accepted, he was over the moon even if he was starting in a lower position than he initially applied for.

At his company, being a Slasher requires a lot of travel which we knew when he accepted the position. The end goal is for him to get a promotion to at least regional Nightmare (he wants Cryptid, but that position doesn’t have a lot of turnover) but to get that he needs to be in role for at least 12 months OR meet his goals for three months in a row. Once he promotes, we plan to relocate to his new region and “start talking about our future.”

(Side note: no this isn’t about him not popping the question yet. We are both in agreement that marriage comes after financial stability. I run a small business doing scare consults and, while it’s been growing, I wouldn’t call it stable yet. So neither of us are ready.)

I told him it’s completely normal for it to take a whole year before he’s ready to promote and he really should focus on adjusting to the company before thinking about next steps. I used to work for a competitor (I’ve been retired for five years now) and I know it can be hard to go from only taking the occasional human life to having to take over half a dozen a week. It’s not a light workload, no matter how easy it looks in the movies. One of my best friends Slashes part-time and she still only averages about five lives a week despite having done it for years. Especially these days, it can be really hard to meet quota. Humans are getting smarter, no matter what the Council wants us to think.

Anyway, boyfriend didn’t do as well as he thought he would in his first couple months. Totally understandable, of course, which I told him. I suggested he ask his boss if he could be put on a couple team assignments or even a duo until he got the hang of it. That was our first real fight. He thought I was doubting his ability to kill. He brought up how I told him it would take over a year to promote and how I said that this job wasn’t for everyone (His first assignment ended with a 0% kill rate, but that’s a different story). He said it felt like I didn’t believe in him and he said that if that was the case then maybe we shouldn’t be thinking about marriage so soon.

It got pretty messy after that. I felt like he was forgetting that I’d worked in the same field and, arguably, had a lot more experience (not to brag, but I averaged a 98% kill rate). Also, four years is NOT too soon to talk about marriage. He said I didn’t understand how he needed to focus on his career right now. I told him I thought he was taking Slasher too lightly just because it wasn’t Cryptid. He accused me of not respecting him and then things spiraled from there.

We both said a lot of things we didn’t mean and I’m embarrassed that it turned into a bit of a fang measuring contest. I ended up sleeping under the bed for a few nights until he coaxed me out to apologize.

It was a rough patch, but we talked it out. We agreed that, going forward, I wouldn’t offer advice unless he asked and he would try not to take so much of his frustration home with him. He took a weekend off and we went on a recreational haunting trip in the Montana woods.

Things did get better after that. I tried not to give him consults every time he came back from a work trip. He started bringing me souvenirs like roses and cursed puzzle boxes his work said he could have. It became easier just to hang out with each other and it felt like we were back to normal.

But then, four months ago, he came home super pissed because his boss put him on a PIP. (A performance improvement plan.) Apparently, boyfriend had not been doing better at work, he had just stopped telling me when he had a bad assignment. I saw the paperwork he got (he left it in the dungeon under the house, I didn’t go through his stuff) and he’s been missing quota by a LOT. As a junior Slasher, he was supposed to be executing at least 6 people a week, but he’d been lucky to be maiming half that.

Obviously, I had to talk to him about that. We rent our house and, even though I could have afforded the rent on my own, I didn’t want to jeopardize the investments I was making in my business (I was in the process of hiring an assistant to handle my scheduling). Plus, we agreed from day one that we would be 50/50 on rent and I would take care of the rest of the bills because I earned more. I felt that if his financial situation was in jeopardy, he needed to talk to me about it.

I tried to approach him a bit differently than last time. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help. I told him about my slasher friend and how maybe she could give him advice if he didn’t want any from me. But he said he needed to figure stuff out on his own and that if he couldn’t get himself off the PIP then he would go back to work for his dad’s janitorial company.

I let it go. I was worried but I didn’t want to fight again just after patching the holes from the last blow out. It really bugged me that he thought I didn’t believe in him so I committed to giving him the benefit of the doubt. I said okay and asked him if he needed me to meal prep for both of us that week. He offered me grocery money, but I said it was fine since I’d had to deal with a lot of humans breaking in lately and I still had some leftover in the dungeon.

Fast forward a month. Boyfriend got off the PIP super fast. He worked his way off of it over Spring Break and started taking on a lot of extra assignments. In just four weeks he went to Miami Beach twice, New York City twice, and to three separate summer camps. I missed him and it was hard not having him around but I remembered how he said he needed to focus on his career and I tried not to nag.

It was hard not to nag though. With him gone, all the housework fell on me. We rent a 19th century manor, and its upkeep really does need two people. Doing all the chores plus running my business started to really drain me. Even when he was home, he forgot to banish the ghosts (my chore is to kill all invading humans, and his chore is to banish their ghosts) and he never took out the trash. I think he cleaned blood off the dungeon walls once, but then I had to basically redo it because he missed a lot of spots.

But still, I didn’t say anything because he was doing really well at work and I didn’t want to ruin that for him. Even when Humans started breaking in every week, I didn’t complain even though it interrupted my work day.

Last month though, I did ask him if we could move somewhere that needed less maintenance. There were just way too many Humans breaking in and I didn’t have the time to deal with them anymore. Even if I don’t do all the theatrics I used to as a Cryptid, killing humans through fear still takes a lot of time. He asked me if I didn’t appreciate the free meat, and I said I would appreciate it more if I wasn’t the only butchering it.

He said he didn’t want to move because he was really close to getting promoted to regional Nightmare and he didn’t want to take time off work to move. I was so surprised that I couldn’t hide how surprised I was. He saw and got offended. He asked if I still didn’t believe in him. I said that I did, but it was a huge jump to go from an 8% kill rate to getting promoted.

He got even more mad at me for bringing up his stats and he said that he had nearly 80% kill rate since being put on the PIP. I asked how many humans a week he was slashing and he told me I was being too nosy and that was proof that I didn’t believe in him.

I asked him if we could at least hire a ghoul then to keep the humans out of my office and he said he didn’t want to waste the money that we should be saving for our new house. I asked him what he wanted me to do then? I had to take phone calls for my consulting business and it was really hard to stalk humans all around the house while trying to sound like a professional to my clients.

He asked me to be patient for one more month. He said if he met quota for one more month, his boss said he’d get promoted. So I said fine and let it go.

Fast forward to now, almost a full month later.

Last Friday, I attended the Eldritch Conference. For those not in the scare field, the Eldritch Conference is the most prestigious event in our industry. It’s invitation only and is a chance to network with all the big players in the field. Mothman, the Jersey Devil, Bloody Mary and Bigfoot all spoke this year and both my former company, Grudge Industries, and my boyfriend’s current company, Forgotten Summer Solutions, were invited.

I was surprised to get an invite as a solo contributor to the field. However, my consulting firm has really been doing well and I did land a seasonal contract with the Yeti Co-op which I guess is how they heard about me. Plus, I’ve been a speaker before so I think the organizers knew I would behave myself.

I was planning on telling my boyfriend that I was going, but he was out of town on a co-ed sleepover assignment. He usually doesn’t have his phone on during his assignments, so I didn’t bother calling him. I just figured it’d be nice if we ran into each other at the conference if he made it back in time.

Which brings me to what actually happened (apologies for the long post).

So everything went great for my part of the day. I got to network with a lot of individual businesses and even got to reconnect with Blood Mary who I knew back in my Cryptid days. I told her I was dating a Slasher from Forgotten Summer Solutions and invited her to come with me to check out their booth. I thought it would be fun to grab dinner with her after since I assumed if my boyfriend was there, he’d be going out with coworkers which he often does. Plus, I admit, I was showing off a little. I don’t often get the chance to brag about my Cryptid days.

She agreed and we went over to see if my boyfriend was there.

I introduced myself to the people manning the booth. My boyfriend wasn’t there, but a few Slashers recognized my name and greeted me. They were definitely in awe of Bloody Mary (she came in full uniform) and invited us to look at their displays. They had portfolios for each Slasher on the desk as a sort of preview of what their services looked like.

While Bloody Mary looked through the portfolios, I chatted with my boyfriend’s coworkers. They said they were thrilled to work with him and that, even though he had a really rough start, it was impressive how quickly he started meeting his goals. Something about how they talked about his work kind of didn’t make sense. They were talking like he was killing a dozen humans a week, but he’d told me that he was at 80% on his assignments which typically only offer about ten humans each.

I asked them about it and they said that he’d been Slashing during After Hours which is a new goal supplement program his company launched a few months ago. Basically, anyone can sign up for After Hours and the company counts human kills done in uniform as part of their quota. I asked them if this was available to them while they were on assignment and they said no, it had to be done when they had down time. I asked them how my boyfriend was part of that when he was traveling all the time and they looked confused. One of them said that my boyfriend is still getting one assignment per week and is then supplementing his kill rate with After Hours.

At that point, I was even more confused. It sounded like my boyfriend had been lying to me then, because he told me that he was getting at least two assignments a week. If he was only getting one, then where was he going when he said he was traveling?

Bloody Mary interrupted before I could say anything and asked how their Slashers did their kills. They said that every Slasher at their company is required to use a standard issue weapon (like a machete or axe) for their kills to count. They said their company doesn’t count accidents as part of their quota (like falling or heart attacks).

Bloody Mary pulled me aside and showed me the portfolio she was holding. She said that she was going to give me a chance to explain without them overhearing and showed me the book. She said that a bunch of kills in it looked Cryptid kills. And she said, specifically, it looked like the kills I made when I was a Cryptid. I took the book from her and flipped through it and she was right, they really did look like Cryptid kills. Worse, I recognized a few of the Humans from the past few weeks. They were actually my kills!

Kill stealing is a major taboo in our industry.

I told her I didn’t know anything about this. She looked really relieved at that and said that even though I wasn’t a Cryptid anymore, it would look really bad for me if I was caught helping a Slasher cheat at their job. It could affect my business which she’d only heard good things about.

I’m embarrassed to say that I tried to defend him. He’s new to our industry so I thought it might be a mistake. He might not be trying to cheat, this could be a misunderstanding.

She said she didn’t think so because a mistake would be one or two of my kills mixed in with his, not the entire book.

I counted up how many photos were in the book and, all told, of the 146 kills, at least 100 were mine. I couldn’t really say it was a mistake at that point and I was just staring at his portfolio like an idiot. Bloody Mary asked me what I was going to do because, mistake or not, this looked really bad and could damage my reputation if it got out.

At that moment, another man walked up to booth and asked us if there was a problem. I knew that if I said anything, I would be jeopardizing my boyfriend’s job, but if I didn’t say something, I was jeopardizing my business.

I told my boyfriend’s coworkers that he was lying about his body count. I said I didn’t think that they knew he was doing it, but over half of the kills in his portfolio weren’t his and I suggested they remove it from their display before another Cryptid came by and realized it.

The other man thanked me for bringing this to his attention and asked how we knew. Bloody Mary said that she knew another Cryptid’s kills and I had to tell them that I was that Cryptid, though I was retired now. He asked me if I knew my boyfriend was doing this, and I told him no.

I told him I really didn’t want to get my boyfriend in trouble and suggested that maybe he didn’t know those kills didn’t belong to him because they happened in our house. I was grasping at straws and Blood Mary even looked sad for me. His coworkers looked skeptical but tentatively agreed. The man – who turned out to my boyfriend’s boss – said that they would investigate this thoroughly and apologized personally for his employee’s misconduct.

I was spiraling at that point so I thanked him and said I wasn’t mad, I was just looking out for both of our reputations. He promised to keep it between us and I agreed.

Then I apologized to Bloody Mary because I didn’t feel like eating dinner anymore. She said she understood and wished me well.

I went home and did a quick perimeter search of the property. Sure enough, there were human summoning stones ALL OVER the yard. Which means my boyfriend was intentionally luring humans to our house to get me to kill them so he could take credit. It wasn’t a mistake at all.

My boyfriend came home later that night in his work clothes. As soon he got inside he started yelling. He said he was suspended without pay and that all his hard work was for nothing.

I said I knew he’d been stealing my kills and he almost ruined my reputation. He said they still counted as his kills because he did all the work of luring the humans to our house.

I told him that wasn’t how it worked and he knew it. He said it was the same as setting a trap and I was taking this too seriously. I told him that, as a Slasher, he has to use a weapon to get his kills, not me. He said I was basically the same thing since I had such a high kill rate. I asked him if he was calling me an object.

(My parents exploited me by selling me as a haunted doll through a lot of my childhood and he knows I’m sensitive to being called an object.)

He backpedaled at that point and asked if I didn’t want to buy a house together. He said he was doing it for us and I should’ve understood and not said anything. I told him that when I was a Cryptid I had my pride and would’ve never done this.

He said I needed to tell his boss that he was the one who made all those kills. I said it wasn’t me who recognized them as Cryptid kills and now his boss knew too. He accused me of thinking I’m better than him because I have telekinetic powers and can move through shadows and can possess people, while he’s basically a human himself. I told him of course not and that I worked hard for those powers unlike him.

He got really mad at that and actually charged at me with his machete raised. I don’t think he was going to actually hit me, but I reacted like he was. It was all instinct. I disarmed him and I swear I heard a crack when I grabbed his wrist. I shoved him into the wall.

 He crumpled to the floor and started crying. He said sorry and sort of curled up around his wrist. He said he didn’t ever feel like he was enough for me and he didn’t even know why I was still with him. He called himself a bunch of names and said I would be better off without him.

I sort of awkwardly stood there for a minute. On one hand I wanted to assure him that he was enough and that I loved him, but, on the other, I wasn’t sure I could forgive him. He nearly ruined my reputation, and he embarrassed me in front of Bloody Mary. Plus, I still didn't know where he’d been going all those times he said he was on a business trip and apparently wasn’t.

So I ended up not saying anything. I went to our room and started packing a bag. He followed me. He was still crying as he begged me not to go. He said he would own up to his kill steals at work and he would make it right. He pleaded for me not to leave him and that he would give up slashing.

I told him I needed space to think. He tried to grab me, but I shadow walked out of the house. I heard him screaming from outside and I hurriedly drove away.

Now I’m at my friend’s house and I told her everything. She agreed I did the right thing walking away from him, but when I asked her what I should do she hesitated. She said that my boyfriend wasn’t right to kill steal but, as a fellow Slasher, she understood what he was going through. She said I wouldn’t understand the pressure to meet quota because I was always surpassing mine when I was in the field. She said that a Cryptid could never understand a Slasher.

She also said that nobody would have found out about his kills if I hadn’t brought them to his boss’ attention. She said the only time kills are on display like that is at the Eldritch Conference and by the next one, he’d have had kills of his own. She thinks that if I’d just confronted him at home, he wouldn’t be on suspension.

So now I’m worried that I overreacted when I told my boyfriend’s coworkers that he was lying about his body count.

AITA?

----

Thanks for reading! Several amazing supernatural citizens (aka my Patrons) gave great advice to our poor OP over on my Patreon! Please go check them out here (X)

(I will definitely be posting some of them here in the near future!)

My next supernatural AITA is already up to my patrons!

It's called "AITA for divorcing my vampire husband because he lied about his human job?"

Patrons get to see many of my stories a week ahead! If that interests you please check me out here (X)!

[ms-demeanor]

Three weeks ago:

New Guy: Hey I need pricing for a battery and RAM for this customer's laptop.

Me: Sure, ninety dollars total.

New Guy: (read)

New Guy (next day): Did you get me that quote I asked for?

Me, putting the pricing on a quote: Uh, sure, here, ninety dollars total.

Me, to New Guy two days later: Hey did you get a response to that quote? That's for that company's CEO, he wants his laptop back.

Me, the day after that, to myself: That guy isn't going to balk at a hundred dollars for parts, fuck it i'm ordering I can return them if he says no but it's going to take like three days for the battery to get here.

Me, to New Guy the day after that: Hey, did you get approval from the customer to buy those parts? I placed the order but if he doesn't want them I need to know.

Customer, in an email to my boss: Hey why is New Guy telling me that I need to sign a quote? I talked to New Guy and he was prompt and understanding and I approved the parts in the shop that day.

My Boss: You didn't order the parts?

Me: I actually DID order the parts because I figured he'd want his laptop back, but not until yesterday because I didn't know that he'd approved the price.

My Boss: You didn't tell Alli that he approved the price?

New Guy: Well you said we needed to send them a quote.

Me: Did you send them the quote that I put together for you?

New Guy: Well no, because they'd already approved the price.

My Boss: And you didn't tell Alli?

New Guy: I said he wanted his laptop fixed so we needed a price.

Me and My Boss: Great.

*one week later, new guy will be perusing career advancements elsewhere*

Customer, in an email to my boss: I'm sorry to hear that New Guy has moved on, he was wonderful to work with and it can be hard to cope with turnover in an organization. That being said, Alli may be a quality person for you to work with, but is not a person we want to work with, please don't have her handle anything to do with our account.

My Boss: What did you do that they're so mad about?

Me: Literally the only things I've worked with them on in the last four months are two quotes that you requested and sent that they have no idea I worked on, the hardware from New Guy, and a replacement UPS battery that got installed on site on Friday, which we had a bit of a back-and-forth on because the CEO approved the quote with a thumbs-up emoji and we weren't sure if that meant "I understood the explanation of why this battery needs to be replaced and I will think about it" or "I understood the explanation of why this battery needs to be replaced and I would like you to place the order" but we went ahead with the order because I knew they were already pissed about the hesitancy from New Guy.

[darkacademicvibes]

You Owe Me

Fred Weasley x Fem!Lancaster!Gryffindor!Reader

Enemies to lovers, Fake dating

It's the fourth time in two weeks, and it's only Tuesday.

Adrien Pucey settles into the seat beside you, the same flirty smile on his face as his last three attempts at talking to you, and it takes everything in you to keep your glare of annoyance to yourself as you send Hermione at the gryffindor table your best 'can-we-please-have-a-tutor-session-right-at-this-second-i-need-your-help' stare, which she doesn't understand, of course, since you're usually so against studying.

"Hey gorgeous" you sigh heavily, barely glancing at him. "What do you want, Pucey" you mutter, hoping to merlin he doesn't make some revolting innuendo of some sort, you're trying to eat lunch for heavens sake.

"I want you to go out with me this weekend" he shrugs, and you turn to him, placing down your fork. "Look, Pucey, there's a nice way to say this, but I'm not going to be nice anymore. Leave me the fuck alone, I'm not interested in dating, sleeping with, or, talking to you" you state clearly, hoping it was exactly what he needed to leave you alone.

"Tell me one good reason why"

Hope is dead. There is no hope. Hopeless, that is his word, you will never say hopeless without thinking of this exact moment ever again.

"I have a boyfriend" the words practically tumble out of your mouth, and he immediately seems confused. Me too, pucey, me too. You think to yourself, because genuinely, what the fuck? No, you don't. Not that he needed to know that, because he was already standing up. "Right... uh, who, exactly?" He asks, and you panic.

"Look, we're trying to keep it to ourselves right now, yknow? We don't want anyone in our business, so if you could kind of... keep it quiet, that would be really helpful" you ramble, shit- literally - because at this point you are talking out of your arse. None of this is true, obviously, but if it gets him to leave you the fuck alone, then great, now it is. It's a lie, but it's true. In his mind, at least.

He pauses, "right." He mumbles, turning on his heel and leaving as you turn back to your meal, feeling particularly distraught.

"Y/n? It's time for our session-" Hermione Granger pauses, she's never seen you move so quickly, shoving bacon into your mouth and grabbing an apple turnover as you shove your things into your bag, standing up and grabbing her wrist with your free hand as you tug her along to the library.

What the hell happened since their last session? Y/n Lancaster has never once been the one most ready for their study session, it was always Hermione spending the better part of their scheduled two hours bribing her to actually open her books.

"I'm fucked" you state with a mortified groan the moment you make it to your usual table in the library, apple turnover in hand until you place it onto a loose piece of parchment, sending a suspicious glare to the wood of the library table. Who knew what tables couples had shagged on top of after sneaking in after hours for a bit of unsanctioned fun.

Hermione frowns, puzzled as she sits beside you, watching you actually open your textbooks. "What? What happened?" she asks, hurrying to tug her own books from her bag.

"Okay, you know how i've been bitching about Pucey asking me out and being all gross and stuff? Well he asked me out again, and I said no - obviously, like, gag - but he asked me why and I totally minblanked so I told him I have a secret boyfriend" you ramble, stressed at the situation you've gone and caused for yourself, because now you actually had to ask someone to pretend to be in a badly hidden 'relationship' with you to keep him off your back. Double gag.

She smiles, "oh, you do? congrats-"

"Hermione Jean Granger, you adorable, sweet, merlins favourite little gryffindor-"

"We're the same age-"

"-I am so greatful that you think I have such low standards and such high patience to date a boy of all things-"

"And we're both gryffindors."

"-But I am so single it borderlines on painful."

She's silent for a long moment, so long, you aren't sure if she understood you, and then, painfully slow, she begins to smile. And then a laugh bubbles out of her as you sulk, biting into the sweet apple turnover.

It takes a long few minues for her to calm enough to be able to look at you without laughing again.

"So now what?" she muses "You can't exactly keep lying and really expect to get away with it" she points out, and you fall silent, sending her a sheepish smile as she pauses, eyeing you warily.

"Y/n Gréine Lancaster, tell me you are not thinking about-"

You nod quickly, embrrassed.

"Y/n! That's ridiculous" she scolds quietly, and you groan.

"Trust me, I know... but I have to, I just want Pucey to leave me alone. He's been so convinced that i've just been playing hard to get- I can't take it anymore, 'mione, you even had to start tutoring me because i've been taking the long ways to class to avoid him in the halls" you insist.

She sighs, her gaze softening.

"I know someone you can ask, I'll talk to him" she promises softly. "He needs a date to christmas this year to keep his mother off his back anyway... a win-win situation is okay... right?" she asks softly, gently grabbing your hand. You nod softly.

"Of course, 'mione, thank you"

"Always, Y/n. Now.. herbology-"

"Oh god, must we?"

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

speaking of Pearl Davis--and speaking as someone who finds the current "fat positivity" movement morally repugnant--one thing that really irks me about the redpill space's view of women is this idea that whatever a man can achieve through exercise, a woman can also achieve the exact same way in the same time frame.

a healthy exercise regimen for a woman looks like daily walks and strength training 2-3x per week. she should not be doing HIIT often, and especially not on her period, but she probably won't be getting a period at all if she trains the same way a gym bro does.

a healthy and sustainable rate of weight loss for a woman looks like 2 lbs per week. when I hear a woman say she dropped 20 lbs in a month, I know she's either going to gain it all back or encounter chronic health issues (like my very own gallstone, which women develop at a rate nearly 3 times higher than men).

Women metabolize more lipids, and correspondingly less carbohydrates and proteins, than equally trained and nourished men. Females tend to have a greater proportion of body fat than men, which is stored in the gluteal-femoral region in women compared with the visceral area in men. Total cross-sectional muscle area is 60%–85% lower in women than in men, and greater muscle mass activation requires increased need to replenish stores and increased glycogen breakdown turnover. Males have greater skeletal muscle mass, and women have more body fat. There is also an overall increased left ventricular end-diastolic volume in males compared with that found in females.

also noted in the study is the decreased insulin sensitivity some people experience after a HIIT workout, and I would argue insulin resistance is women's greatest hurdle when it comes to losing weight

we were designed to store fat to sustain ovulation and pregnancy. it is not only easier for us to gain it and harder for us to shed it than it is for a man, the very strategies that work for a man may work against a woman.

[startedwithaseed]

Lettuce!

The first time i encountered lettuce plants going to seed i thought they looked like little palm trees... I was really surprised at how thick and sturdy the stems become when they are left to live out their full life cycle, especially if lots of the bottom leaves are stripped to reveal this woody stem. This is one of the joys of seed saving for me, seeing plants transform (often into relatively monstrous proportions!) and getting to appreciate the plant in a totally different way.

I didn't know at the time that lettuce was comparatively easy to save seed from, with the plants being mostly self fertile with perfect flowers, so there is minimal chance of crossing. The official advice is still to leave several meters between varieties, especially in hotter climates (where insects are more active/abundant? I have no idea), but if that would stop you saving your own lettuce seed for your own use, I say ignore the advice! I had been enjoying the benefits of saved lettuce seed, with the saved Cocarde seed being the most reliable germination in my fortnightly salad sowings that I was overseeing, often out performing much newer, bought in seed. Since I found out it could be achieved without complicated isolation netting and fears of cross pollination, I'd been dying to try it for myself. Just one plant can produce up to 10 grams of seed (that's around 8000 seed!) so it is the gift that keeps on giving. I also feel that most organic lettuce varieties are open pollinated and not hybrids, another plus for ease of mind when seed saving from this crop.

There are 3 main types of lettuces cultivated in the UK-

Romaine or cos lettuces, which form tight heads with long leaves, a typical example being little gem

Head lettuces, which again form heads but can be looser, and include smoother butter head types and more frilly batavia types

Leaf lettuces, which don't form heads and are often more frilly. an example is lollo rossa

They are all within the Lactuca sativa species so could all technically cross with eachother.

Lettuce are surprisingly hardy plants and such a mainstay for UK market gardeners, selling them as whole heads, and as part of mixed salad bags -which I believe are the highest value product for growers, although I have no recollection of where I heard that so can't fact check it! It makes sense in that it is high turnover, and many successions can be grown in a season. I personally find it hard to get too over excited about lettuce, preferring the more showy fruiting crops, and things that can be cooked and preserved in a variety of exciting ways. And seeing that it is often the veg that goes the most to waste (people love to buy mixed salad bags in shops because they look so appealing, but often fail to get round to eating them before they go slimy), it's hard to see it as the most sustainable crop. However I have made a deal with myself to get over my trepidation and finally experiment with lettuce soup this season!

As the stalks elongate and these beautiful heads start forming, the plants will want some kind of support if they are standing alone as this one is, we do have some that seem to be fairing quite well supported by tomato plants either side! I think it is quite common for several plants to die off at this stage, so select more than you think you'll need. Removing lower leaves can help to reduce the risk of rotting/moldy leaves/ slug damage leading to disease.

(A beast of a slug found hanging out under the module trays)

Watch out for flower buds starting to form, when open they almost look like little dandelion flowers, and in fact there method of distribution is the same with fluffy tops forming at full maturity.

It won't be long after flowering (about 2 weeks) that those seeds are mature, however flowers appear at varying times on the same plant so there are different methods of getting as much good, mature seed off the plant as possible. A good method for wetter UK conditions would be digging up the whole plant, roots and all, bagging the roots to stop soil dropping in with the seeds, and in a well ventilated, dry area , hanging the plant upside down in a paper bag (could be a potato sack or similar, just check for holes and turn it inside out so it's clean on the inside). Do this when about 50% of the seed are mature some will continue to mature on the plant and drop into the bag, ensuring a fairly good yield. Alternatively you can always just hand harvest mature seed from the plant as and when they come, with the main stem of the lettuce generally producing the best seed. They are mature when they easily separate from the plant.

Make sure the seed is completely dry before storing in a cool, dark, dry place.

These are just my musings from observations and my experience, as an enthusiast not a professional. My recommendations for deeper dives from the experts -

The seed growers podcast focused on lettuce seed production with Frank Morton

diyseed.org has beautiful videos going into detail on the seed saving process of most vegetables you could think of

realseeds.co.uk are an open pollinated seed company that encourage and have lots of resources on saving seed

[prestochange]

Silph Corporation Internal Report; Audio Recording 

Saffron City || Date: 10/12/2022

Regarding the events surrounding the second manifestation of the entity, BLACK FOG. 

On September 2nd, 2022, at approximately 12:07 AM, seven delivery personnel were admitted to Saffron South Prefecture Hospital after collapsing in a staggered fashion, but simultaneously enough, in the Silph Corporation Large Deliveries back lot, within the Silph Corporation headquarters building, 3-0929-7295.

The seven employees of the Punch Clock moving company exhibited symptoms of what would later be known as "Black Fog". Confusion, high fever, and excessive sweating as well as hallucinations were noted in all seven employees.

When put into an artificial sleep in order to manage symptoms, all seven afflicted persons died. The cause of death was determined by a coroner to be cardiac arrest, although later autopsy reports discovered hemorrhaging in the brains of three out of four subjects.

Notably, each subject prior to expiration exhibited rapid eye movement and twitching associated with dreaming.

The Punch Clock moving company had been tasked with the delivery of artifact codename: OVERSHADOW from shipping storage unit 5-6A in Lavender Town.

The artifact in question, OVERSHADOW is an 80 foot, 20 meter tall metal sarcophagus the size of a small shipping ocean vessel, weighing several thousand tons. The designs on it are of no analogous origin historically. The relief carvings of runes match no records. The sarcophagus depicts a grotesque face on the lid with gums peeled back and large flat teeth.

This metal sarcophagous was surprisingly intact, as prior Silph Corporation acquisition assets reported it purchased with the intent to destroy it by prior company president, Masuda Takahisa the Elder.

It seems that the sparse legends on the subject are true, and while there is a lengthy record of attempts to destroy OVERSHADOW, even the Silph Corporation, with its endless supplies and access, as well as creative thinkers, could not find a way to make even a dent in the artifact.

The piece is completely unique, sporting Damascus-like swirl patterns in each tiny piece of it, no one piece predictably leading into the other in terms of pattern. The architect of the project constructed it in hundreds of thousands of tiny pieces, and very clearly, not alone.

Despite this incredible engineering feat, there is no record of its construction either.

I as the now sole owner of the sarcophagus, am additionally surprised that psionic ability is unable to pull on the historical memory of the artifact either. This piece is without temporal memory by design.

It is very clearly designed to be forgotten on purpose.

What we do know about the sarcophagus, is that it was excavated during the reconstruction of Pokémon Tower, and additional pieces found alongside the Tower, urns that when exposed to air, crumbled to dust and tiny chips, date to over fifty thousands years ago.

There is no record that Silph does not have, of the entity that resides in, and is trapped by the Sarcophagus. In Lavender Town I do not think it is unusual that the citizens have had higher rates of sleep disturbances. Furthermore, I do not find it odd that the spiritual collapse of Lavender Town occurred centered at the resting spot of this dangerous artifact.

Silph's younger president, found to be a Mewtwo in disguise, masquerading as the son of Masuda, intentionally released Black Fog upon acquisition of the artifact in September.

Illnesses mounted within a week, and the number one cause of death in Saffron for a brief and startling moment was vehicular crash, spurred on by severe insomnia.

The incident lasted a month, and was much more severe than the first release of Black Fog.

Casualties were estimated to be between 5-6million civilians, leading to total economic collapse of the city. Property damages were even higher.

Responder turnover rate was astronomical and Saffron was quarantined. The Black Fog settled into the city, an unstoppable plague. I reached out to friends for help, as the leadership in Saffron quickly expired or was rendered unable to function.

The strike team was quickly picked from available specialists.

Strike Team: Viridian's Leader, Ohkido Green, Viridian's Ex Leader, Sakaki Giovanni, Medium Matsuba, of Ecruteak City, Piers, the Galarian Dark Specialist, Koga, Poison Master of the Elite Four, The Looker, Interpol Expat, and Nix, Oneirologist and inventor of the Silph Scope were chosen for their ability to function in the environment.

The strike team was to assist me in erecting disruption pylons within a prefecture of Saffron, hopefully trapping and eliminating the monster in the limits of the pylons.

The pylons were found to successfully disrupt the somnus effect of Black Fog, but were a temporary solution, and shorted out in its presence.

The team was successful, but not without casualty. Ohkido Green and Looker were killed by the creature and quickly resuscitated by Matsuba. The Black Fog was captured with a Silph Master Ball by Ohkido Green.

The Master Ball, although it contains the monster, does not successfully stop it from exuding ability over the area around it.

Ohkido Green has taken it upon himself to "train" the monstrosity, undergoing purification rites and cleansing rituals that haven't been seen even in our most devout mediums in a long time.

I do not trust this solution. Green is a human with a human lifespan. He can not outlive this monster.

Study on OVERSHADOW is necessary. Perhaps our ancestors left clues in the labyrinthian patterns that sprawl over this malevolent thing.

[pebblysand]

Helloo

So i just finished reading that ask about Harry as a wizard-cop, and i totally needed to read that. Like two days ago a friend told me she stopped reading HP when she found out that Harry wanted to be a cop (yeah she's dramatic like that, i love her). We talked about it a bit, and, like i always say to my friends "Yeah, JKR sucks, but fanfiction is awesome!" . And i remember mentioning castles to her, and one part that i can't find right now, it was very short, and it was harry working as part of the crowd-control team of people manifesting (is that how you say it?), he was in disguise i think (was that in castles? man! i read a lot of things at the same time and get confused ). And THAT was when the "WOW he's a cop" really sunk in, because, well i've been on the other side of that hittin-stick when i was a teenager (what's the name of that stick? you know, the stick that cops use to hit people) and well, i sort of wanted to burn all of my HP books after that (i didn't of course🫣).

Anyway i don't think i've ever read a canon compliant fic that adressed Harry's carreer choice the way you do, which i find sooo interesting and necessary. I have (i hope) grown up a bit since a was 16, and talked to a few cops (yeah teenage me is 😲), and some of them really start working in the police because they genuinely want to help. I didn't know what to say, because that's the same person who hits teenagers manifesting for more founds to public schooling, but also rescued a friend's mom from a violent relationship, which is, you know, a really good thing. I devoured those parts, when you describe this internal moral fight Harry has and the way he also grows up, from wanting to be an auror to "catch the bad guys", like a videogame, to facing all these dilemmas with it being a part of a goverment, with laws, regulations and obligations. Pffffff can you imagine dear Harry James following all those RULESSS?

ok so i've talked enough, love all your work!! i hope some of this makes sense lol. Have a great week!!

oh, i'm so glad you resonated with that! obviously, i have a lot of thoughts!

so, yes, that is in castles! it's chapter 11 after Kingsley's Ministry grants are handed out, thanks to the Blair loan:

Officially (and, for what it’s worth, even knowing his own feelings towards Kingsley, Harry honestly believes him on that one), most of the recovery grants were distributed to a selection of wizarding businesses deemed to have suffered the largest losses during the war. Applications were submitted in the month that followed the passing of the bill and the list of successful applications was compiled by Ministry staff on the basis of a complex matrix including the difference between pre-war and post-war turnovers, expenses incurred to repair the sometimes extensive damages suffered within the premises, the viability of their recovery plans, etc. It all sounded good - at least on paper. In actual fact, this thorough assessment led to an overwhelming number of grants being awarded to businesses owned by people generally known to have been on Kingsley and the Order’s so-called “side,” during the war. 

The moment the allocation decisions were made public, a wave of disgruntled Knockturn Alley shop owners found their way into the many offices of different press outlets across the country, soon expressing their innumerable grievances, and less-than-favourable opinions of the current government which, according to them, was operating under unconscionable biases. At the Burrow, this strategy enraged George (and, in her correspondence, Ginny, who’d spent hours with he and Ron going over Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes’ accounting and writing their application) who slammed The Prophet against the kitchen table and expressed what sounded like a rather fair point: ‘Their bloody shops weren’t torched, were they?’ 

In response to this latest wave of criticism, the Head of Kingsley’s new Money Matters Department, Bernardus Dee-Poquets, gave a rather unfortunate interview on Radio 5, attempting to ‘give more context’ on the decisions made. Instead of smoothing things over, this position only further enraged the opposition, prompting a spontaneous protest to take place in Knockturn Alley with placards that read: WE DON’T NEED CONTEXT WE NEED GALLEONS! (which, frankly, Harry also couldn’t help but think was a fair point). 

He and the other Aurors were soon called in for ‘crowd control,’ an idea that began sounding terrible as soon as they were asked to put on their riot gear. On the way there, Robards added fuel to the fire by making it abundantly clear to whoever was willing to listen that this ‘peacekeeping’ operation had been forced upon him by the Head of the DMLE and was neither his choice, nor his idea, which in turn meant that no one in the Auror ranks actually wanted to go in. That day, Harry’s afternoon began with their unit chief whispering in his ear to make his hair blond and hide his scar with make-up again, ‘just-in-case,’ and ended with incapacitating shots being fired from all sides, fumigation potions thrown at a mob they’d kettled in on Burke Street, and a spell that sliced Harry’s arm open, landing him in the mediwizards’ tent for the second time in less than six months. Until he regained the full use of his fingers a couple days later, the letters he wrote to Ginny looked like they had been drafted by a six year old child. 

Since then, most of the office has been reluctant to do - well - anything beyond the bare minimum, doing nothing to help Robards’ staffing problems. Half the Aurors on Harry’s floor have now repeatedly called in sick for a few days at a time with increasingly more outrageous excuses ranging from ‘sleepiness,’ to ‘dragon pox,’ and even once: ‘wandrot’ - a wizarding disease that Harry unfortunately decided to ask about at lunchtime in the middle of the trainees’ table. Katie Bell almost choked on a piece of broccoli and Ron’s whole face turned scarlet. The resulting explanation made Harry feel irrationally protective of the most intimate parts of his body for the rest of the afternoon. 

---

and, like, yeah, it's funny, but it's also - not, you know? i think i want this moment to sound like a "fun" anecdote but i think it also feeds into what i was saying in the original post, about the post-war low-level "crime" that feels somewhat endemic and unsolvable. here, of course, it's knockturn alley shop owners, which i suppose we all don't have much sympathy for, but perhaps, we should? the thing about the post-war wizarding economy is that it's full of petty crime and black market stuff and disgruntled demonstrations - because these people have spent years trying to survive and make a living under the hold of an authoritative government, and now not only is democracy not really bringing in money, but it's also preventing them from operating the way they used to. and even if it's nothing at scale, i think the endlessness of it kind of wears down your morale, as a ministry employee.

as you very rightly say, i think most people who join police forces aren't horrible people. like, sure, a percentage of them just wants to beat people up and get paid to do it, but that's not the majority. i think for the most part, there's a lot of big-eyed kids like harry who just want to "save" people. and then, you get called in to these ops and you start realising that "crowd control" is a scam and that putting people in jail is a bit pointless when what is being held against them is just trying to survive and feeding their families. and, of course, there's also multiple aspects to this, because they also sometimes do intervene in stuff that is useful like domestics and stuff (although, there's this whole thing about how police often doesn't believe women, but that's a whole different debate). so, i think, with harry's "early" time at the ministry, i wanted to show the different layers to that.

and, it's funny cause i expected to get a lot of angry comments about harry becoming a hit wizard because of the sort of violence that is associated with those kinds of departments, but i actually didn't. i think the above is sort of the reason why he joins though. it's like: he wants to save people, and that's what they do. their operations are big enough, it's never petty crime, they have a lead (hawk) who knows what he's doing and who can make difficult decisions, and they get in, intervene, and get out. it's not about fighting disgruntled shop owners, you know? or pointless trafficking of magical objects. and, it’s also not detective-like investigative work which, frankly, i don’t think he has much patience or focus for. especially, feeling kind of like a nameless cog in the investigative machine. to me, the hit wizards was the only way to make auror!harry work within the "reality" of what the police force is.

(i think that stick is called a "baton?" i know the term to "baton charge". english speakers - please confirm 😆. in french, it's a matraque.)

but anyway, thank you so much for your kind words, i'm so glad you enjoyed those parts. i have a lot more in store for harry-as-an-auror throughout the fic, so it's lovely to see people enjoy it!

[betbuddyai]

Top 5 Best AI NFL Predictions You Can't Miss This Season!

As artificial intelligence (AI) advances, it has transformed how sports enthusiasts and analysts approach game predictions, especially for high-stakes leagues like the NFL. The application of AI in NFL predictions has taken fan engagement to a whole new level, providing powerful insights and data-driven strategies that give fans and bettors alike a competitive edge. This season, AI tools are making headlines, promising accuracy, depth, and new levels of excitement. Let’s dive into the Top 5 Best AI NFL Predictions that you won't want to miss!

1. Game-Winning Probabilities: AI’s Take on Predicting Victory

AI models, using advanced algorithms and extensive data sets, can predict the likelihood of a team winning a game with a high degree of accuracy. These models analyze historical data, current player performance, injuries, weather conditions, and even real-time stats during games. For example, platforms like BetBuddy AI and NextGen Stats provide predictions on win probabilities that shift throughout the game, helping fans and bettors adjust their expectations dynamically.

Why This Matters Unlike traditional predictions based on surface-level stats, AI-driven win probabilities dive deep into micro-details that humans may overlook. By analyzing thousands of variables in real time, these algorithms calculate win probabilities as the game progresses, adjusting for injuries, weather changes, or in-game performance shifts.

Impact on NFL Fans Fans following AI-generated win probabilities can experience a game on a whole new level. Whether it's the thrill of seeing your team’s win probability spike after a successful play or watching it dwindle after a critical turnover, this feature adds a level of immersion and data-backed excitement that enhances the overall game experience.

2. Player Performance Predictions: Identifying the Stars of the Game

Predicting individual player performances has become another valuable AI-powered feature. By evaluating a player’s stats, historical performance against specific opponents, and their physical conditioning, AI models can offer insights into how well a player will perform in an upcoming game. These predictions cover everything from projected yardage and touchdowns to tackles and even interception probabilities.

The Key Players to Watch Imagine knowing that a running back is projected to rush for over 100 yards based on AI insights into their fitness and the opposing team's defensive weaknesses. Or, an AI-based prediction that a particular wide receiver is likely to have multiple receptions due to favorable matchups with the opposing team’s secondary. These detailed insights not only add excitement but can also help fantasy football players make more strategic picks.

Practical Applications For fantasy football enthusiasts, AI player performance predictions are game-changers. Platforms like FantasyPros and BetBuddy AI offer tools that allow users to project key player stats based on AI analysis. This feature is especially helpful for making well-informed draft picks, setting lineups, and choosing which players to start or bench each week.

3. Game Score Predictions: Projecting the Final Tally

One of the most popular Best AI NFL Predictions is the projection of final game scores. Many AI systems use a combination of player stats, game conditions, and historical data to estimate the final score of a game. This can include predictions on the total number of points scored, individual team scores, and sometimes even each quarter’s score.

Betting with Confidence AI score predictions offer a compelling edge to those participating in over/under betting markets. For example, if AI predicts a high-scoring game based on favorable weather and strong offensive line-ups, bettors can feel more confident about choosing the “over” on point totals. Conversely, if the AI suggests a defensive struggle due to injury-depleted offenses, taking the “under” could be a smart play.

Adding Value to Predictions While these score predictions are not infallible, they provide a highly accurate estimate of what to expect. Fans can look at predictions by industry leaders like Sportsline and Action Network, which frequently analyze AI-driven insights to provide potential score forecasts that are as close to the mark as possible. The added data allows fans to feel informed and to gauge whether the game might lean towards offense, defense, or a balanced contest.

4. In-Game Strategy Predictions: AI-Driven Play Calling Insights

Some of the best AI systems for NFL predictions go beyond just forecasting game outcomes by diving into in-game strategies and decision-making. By studying patterns in play-calling, AI can suggest which strategies are most likely to succeed in specific situations, offering insights into plays like fourth-down attempts, two-point conversions, or passing vs. rushing preferences.

AI’s Play-Calling Influence Imagine watching a game where the AI suggests the coach should go for it on fourth down based on the team’s current position, the opponent’s weaknesses, and the players’ on-field momentum. Platforms such as Edge Sports and Next Gen Stats are leading in this arena, helping fans understand the strategy behind each play.

A New Level of Engagement Fans and analysts can use these AI-driven insights to anticipate moves, debate decisions, and discuss game strategies with a fresh perspective. This is especially appealing to those who love to analyze and discuss the game, as it provides a data-backed foundation for understanding the intricacies of NFL strategies. Plus, it offers an engaging way for fans to see how AI recommendations compare with actual coaching decisions.

5. Injury Predictions and Impact Analysis: Keeping Tabs on Key Players

Injuries are unpredictable, but AI is making strides in predicting the likelihood of injuries and their potential impact on game outcomes. By analyzing player physical data, historical injuries, training intensity, and even field conditions, AI models can assess the injury risk for key players. Additionally, these AI systems predict how an injury might impact the player’s team, offering fans a clear picture of how one injury can reshape an entire game.

Game-Changing Implications Knowing if a star quarterback has a higher-than-average risk of aggravating a minor injury can be invaluable for fans and bettors alike. Some platforms, like PlayerProfiler and BetBuddy AI, offer these insights, allowing users to make informed decisions when predicting game outcomes or setting fantasy football lineups.

Strategic Betting Advantage For those who bet on the NFL, AI-driven injury predictions are particularly useful. If AI flags a star player’s increased injury risk, bettors might reconsider high-stakes wagers on that team. Meanwhile, fantasy football players might choose to bench a risky player in favor of a safer choice.

Why AI NFL Predictions Are Here to Stay

The Best AI NFL Predictions available this season are adding depth, insight, and excitement to the game in unprecedented ways. Whether you’re a casual fan, an avid bettor, or a dedicated fantasy football player, these AI-driven insights are valuable tools to help you stay informed and make smarter decisions. The fusion of AI technology with NFL sports analysis is set to continue evolving, bringing more precise data and deeper engagement to the game.

As we look forward to more advancements, AI is revolutionizing how we understand and enjoy the NFL. The top AI predictions—game-winning probabilities, player performance projections, score forecasts, in-game strategies, and injury impacts—are all powerful indicators that AI is transforming the world of NFL predictions. So this season, keep an eye on these AI insights for an enhanced, more strategic, and data-rich NFL experience!

[govandalsncaa]

#4 Vandals hammer Cougs 49-7 in Palouse Pounding

Despite three turnovers, the 4th ranked University of Idaho Vandals (10-0. 7-0) were able to score seven touchdowns en route to a 49-7 destruction of the Washington State Cougars (3-6. 2-4).

The Vandals opened the scoring on an Akim Mills 19 yard strike to Kevin Barnett. Washington State would respond, with a touchdown drive of their own to tie the score at seven.

Idaho would then go on to score 42 unanswered points. Dylan Thigpen scored 4 times, and Kevin Barnett added a 40 yard touchdown catch to his 1st quarter score.

Mills finished 23 for 38 for 398 yards, two touchdowns and 3 interceptions. Thigpen carried the ball 37 times for 232 yards and 4 touchdowns.

Kevin Barnett caught 8 passes for 158 yards and 2 touchdowns. Fellow Freshman, Ken Jones hauled in 5 catches for 108 yards.

On defense, Eric Hale racked up 5 tackles and 3 sacks on the day and Vaughn Daggs added to his stellar season with 2 interceptions.

On the day, Idaho rushed for 215 yards and 5 touchdowns, while Washington State rushed 9 times for -26 yards. In total, Idaho racked up 695 yards of offense.

Coach Idaho Coach spoke with the media after the game.

"I thought we played just fine today. We were sloppy with the ball, three interceptions, and a fumble that we luckily recovered. We can't turn the ball over like that and expect to come out with wins.

Defensively, I was pleased with our effort, we made them one dimensional, and then came up with three picks. The score was lopsided, the crowd was loud, but I think our locker room knows that we can play at a higher level than we did today. We're excited to try and be better next week."

The Vandals travel to take on Utah State next week.

[emrauta]

a historically bad second impression

I was mean to a stranger at the climbing gym. On accident, I swear.

It was last week. Or maybe two weeks ago now, I’m not sure— since moving to New York, the days blend together so much that it’s hard for me to have any sort of grip on a sense of time. Regardless of the timeline, it’s been eating away at me.

I had seen her once or twice before. Once, definitely, in the sauna. The sauna was packed that night— it’s usually packed at night. Too crowded. Shoulders touching sweaty shoulders, never quite getting hot enough because of the constant turnover. 

Every seat was taken the first time I met her, so I stood with my book, trying to ignore the chatter and focus on the words on the page. She was in front of me, in a red bikini, stretching. In the sauna. A crowded sauna. You have to respect that. 

I don’t think I said anything to her that night.

The next time I saw her, she came up to me with one of her friends. Some guy. He never introduced himself to me, but I didn’t really care because she introduced herself. She said, “Hi, I’m…” And I said, “Hi, I’m Peter. I feel like I’ve seen you before; climbing?” It was a safe bet. She shook her head. “Sauna.” That’s right. It all came rushing back to me— the girl who stretched.

I made small talk with her while her friend climbed. When she turned away, I tried to impress her by getting my kindle out and pretending to be much more immersed in my book than I actually was. I wanted her to ask what I was reading.

If one of my friends was there, they would’ve sworn I was flirting with her. Maybe I was, I’m not sure— who’s to say what’s flirting and what’s not. It’s too large of a thing to properly hammer down and define. But if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think I was flirting with her. Not really. 

It’s hard for me to write this— I feel too vulnerable, and exposed— but I think I just crave acceptance. And beyond that, love. Admiration. People liking me. Specifically, women liking me, and not even in a romantic way, but purely in a validation-of-self sort of way. I’m not sure what that is, other than dollar signs in a therapist’s eyes. Don’t get me wrong— I like it when guys like me too. Especially when you meet some cool dude and hit it off and suddenly you feel like you’re cool too. But it’s different with women; for me, at least.

I wasn’t flirting with her, just trying to get her to like me. And it didn’t work. I kept trying to make jokes— sarcastic jokes, to be sure, but jokes that normally would’ve landed with my friends. Or maybe landed is too strong of a word, but my friends would’ve known I was joking. They would’ve rolled their eyes, or shook their heads; “That’s just Peter’s sense of humor.” 

I don’t think she sensed I was joking. I started panicking. Overanalyzing everything I was saying and doing, immediately after saying or doing it. Why did I say that? Why did I do that?

It was miserable.

After perhaps the worst second impression I’ve ever made, I retreated to my belongings, crammed in a small cubby at the end of an otherwise empty hallway. She was standing on the other side of a glass door, talking to her friend, and I wished she would come inside, by herself, so I could apologize. I could laugh it off, saying I’m awkward meeting new people, and then ask for her number in an innocuous way, saying I need more friends to climb with and we should totally climb someday.

She opened the door and walked in by herself, leaving her friend on the other side of the glass wall. Just us. My prayer answered.

And I shook my head at her. I don’t know why I did that, but I did. I started panicking again. My intent was to shake my head in a I can’t believe I was so awkward tonight, look at us, this was such a weird series of interactions on my end. I don’t think it came off like that.

“What?” She seemed hurt, and a little upset. It definitely did not come off like I intended.

I stammered. For once in my life, I was at a true loss of words. “No, nothing—” I couldn’t finish my sentence.

She went to fill up her water bottle, avoiding eye contact with me.

I gulped. I tried to say goodbye, or apologize, or say anything at all, but I couldn’t do it, so instead I put my head down and quickly walked away.

•

I’ve seen her a couple times at the gym since. Always with friends, usually new friends. Sometimes lifting, sometimes climbing. Always smiling, always happy. 

I feel envious of her social life. I have no one to climb with. Not really. I’ve tried, but I find myself more socially anxious than the person I think I am. In my head, I’m cool, hot, approachable, funny, easy to talk to. When I think of myself, everybody wants to be my friend.

In real life, not so much. 

I’d like to apologize to her. I keep meaning to, but I can never seem to find the right moment to do so. I feel like it would be awkward to go up to her when she’s with her friends; I don’t want it to be a whole thing, I want to move on. More than anything, I want to be part of her friend group, to have people to climb with, to have people who want to climb with me; I want acceptance. 

[bongaboi]

Troy: 2022 Cure Bowl Champions

ORLANDO – When Troy needed its defense the most, one of the best units in the country stepped up as it had done all season and stuffed UTSA four times from the 5-yard line as No. 23 Troy defeated No. 22 UTSA, 18-12, in the Duluth Trading Cure Bowl on Saturday at Experia Stadium.

Troy (12-2) took the six-point lead on a Brooks Buce 27-yard field goal with just over nine minutes to play in the game, but UTSA (11-3) found itself on the Trojan 5-yard line just four plays later following a 53-yard run by Kevorian Barnes.

The Trojans held Barnes to two yards on first down, and the Troy defense forced three straight incompletions from C-USA MVP Frank Harris to turn the Roadrunners over on downs. Troy's offense milked more than four minutes off the clock on the ensuing possession, and the Trojan defense yielded just one first down before again forcing UTSA to turn the ball over on downs and end the game.

Richard Jibunor forced a pair of turnovers, and game MVP KJ Robertson returned an interception 61 yards to pace a Troy defense that forced five UTSA turnovers in the game and shut down one of the nation's most prolific offenses.

The win was Troy's 11th straight dating back to a Hail Mary loss at App State in week three, while the Trojans' 12th win of the season is a new FBS record for the program and ties the school record set by the NCAA Division II National Champion team in 1987 and the 1993 FCS squad.

The 12 points scored by the Roadrunners were their fewest since Oct. 2020, and the loss snapped UTSA's 10-game winning streak. It was Troy's first win over a ranked opponent since defeating No. 22 LSU in 2017.

UTSA scored the game's first 12 points on a safety, a 2-yard touchdown pass and a 42-yard field goal within the first 21 minutes. From that point on, Troy's defense held the Roadrunners scoreless and forced the five turnovers.

Kimani Vidal put the Trojans on the board with a 2-yard run in the final seconds of an opening half that saw Troy muster just 66 yards of total offense, mainly due to poor starting field position; the Trojans started four drives inside their own 8-yard line.

Robertson turned the game on a dime with his fourth career interception. Leading by five and driving late in the third quarter, UTSA faced a 3rd-and-8 from the Troy 9-yard line when Robertson picked off Harris and returned it 61 yards to the UTSA 37-yard line and an unsportsmanlike penalty moved the ball to the 22-yard line.

Five plays later, Gunnar Watson connected with RaJae' Johnson on a 12-yard strike to put the Trojans in front 13-12; Watson followed with a successful 2-point conversion pass to Clayton Ollendieck extending the Troy lead out to three with 2:34 to play in the third quarter.

The game marked the final one for All-American Carlton Martial in a Troy uniform, and he went out in style. One day after receiving a Senior Bowl invite, Martial posted a game-high 14 tackles as he set the Troy career record with 577 tackles; Martial had previously set the NCAA FBS and Sun Belt career records.

Quotable "One thing I really wanted – win, lose or draw – was for my daughter to see me play one time," said Robertson, whose two-year-old daughter Layla Drew Hooper was in the stands. "If she remembers it or not, I loved it. It was the best feeling in the world. I really don't know how to even explain it. She was born during COVID, so I didn't want her at the games. Things happened and she wasn't able to make it to any games even after that."

"The turnovers were timely, and we were fortunate enough to get 'em. If we don't get them or those stops, we don't win," Troy head coach Jon Sumrall said. "To hold those guys to 12 points, I don't know what to say. We stayed together all year, and I could not be more proud. I just hope they keep us in the Top 25."

Notable

Troy extended its winning streak to 11 games with the victory, Troy's longest winning streak since 1995 when that squad also won 11 straight games. Troy's winning streak is tied for the third longest in the country.

Troy has now won 58 games since the start of the 2016 season; the 18th most wins nationally and the sixth most in the Group of Five over that time.

Troy has now won five straight bowl games dating back to the 2010 New Orleans Bowl. The Trojans are 6-3 all-time in bowl games at the FBS level and 20-12 in the postseason (NAIA, DII, FCS, FBS).

Troy's 12 wins are the most in program history at the FBS level and tied for the most in school history (1993, FCS; 1987 DII National Champions).

Troy improves to 3-28 all-time against ranked opponents -- No. 17 Missouri, 2004 (24-14); No. 22 LSU, 2017 (24-21); No. 22 UTSA (18-12).

Linebacker KJ Robertson was named the game's MVP after recording nine tackles and returning an interception 61 yards setting up Troy's go-ahead touchdown in the third quarter. He is the second defensive player to earn the Cure Bowl MVP in the history of the game.

Left tackle Austin Stidham started his 62nd career game, which is the most in Troy history passing Cameron Kaye's 61 career starts; Dell Pettus' started his team-leading 47th straight game.

Troy improved to 5-1 this season when trailing at the half and 5-1 when scoring less than 21 points; Troy was 11-73 when trailing at the half and 5-52 when scoring less than 21 points since 2005 prior to this season.

Troy outscored UTSA 11-0 in the second half; the Trojans entered the game ranked 12th nationally with a +6.69 scoring margin in the second half.

RaJae' Johnson caught two passes for 41 yards and the go-ahead touchdown in the third quarter. He caught four of his seven touchdown passes on the season in Troy's final three games.

Troy's 169 yards of total offense was its fewest in a bowl game in program history; previous low was 292 in the 2004 Silicon Valley Classic vs. Northern Illinois.

Carlton Martial recorded 14 tackles in the game and finished his career with 577; Martial set the Troy school record in the game and already held the NCAA FBS and Sun Belt career records.

Troy forced five UTSA turnovers in the game, which is the fourth time in Troy's bowl history it has forced five turnovers in a game.

Troy entered bowl season second nationally having forced 163 tackles since the start of the 2016 season, the Trojans are now tied with UCF for the most in that period. The Trojans were third averaging 1.63 turnovers forced per game.

Troy held UTSA scoreless in the second half; the Trojans entered the game holding opponents to 8.77 points per game in the second half (14th fewest in the country) and 3.92 points in the fourth quarter (sixth fewest).

Troy held UTSA scoreless in the fourth quarter; the Trojans held 8-of-13 opponents scoreless in the fourth quarter this season.

Troy held UTSA to just 12 points … the Roadrunners lowest output since Oct. 31, 2020.

UTSA entered the game ranked 12th nationally in scoring offense averaging 38.7 points per game; its previous low scoring output this season was 20 points at No. 20 Texas.

Brooks Buce improved to 17-of-19 on field goal attempts this season after booting a 27-yard kick against UTSA. His 89.5 field goal percentage is the highest in a single-season in school history.

Brooks Buce finished his Troy career 25-of-28 after going 1,751 days in between field goal attempts (senior year of high school and ULM in 2021.

[sortanonymous]

HOU-NYJ (n): Why do I have a bad feeling about Houston after this, especially given their division's recent history?

DAL-ATL (Y): I may love to joke about Dak being overrated and stuff, but he's definitely good enough that his injury should be the nail in the coffin for them (barring Trey Lance becoming the next Romo and Prescott anyway)

DEN-BAL (Y): Don't panic about your shocking streak getting halted by the Ravens. Get in line.

MIA-BUF (Y): Tyler Bass suddenly kicking a 61-yard game-winner after everything has the same vibes as the Nacho Libre celebration scene.

NO-CAR (n): Hopefully you aren't sick of '70s-80s nostalgia yet, because the Aints are so back! (And I guess cue that same celebration for Bryce Young.)

LV-CIN (Y): YES! WE SMOKED A DEAD RAIDERS TEAM! HOPIUM ACTIVATE! (Please don't mangle Burrow again, Baltimore!)

LAC-CLE (Y): I don't normally love repeating Tree's jokes directly, but Famous Jameis's Turnover Bakery being a concession stand in the Factory of Sadness? Yeah, that can't be topped.

WAS-NYG (Y): The commies are toppling a giant! (A giant joke, sure, but still!)

NE-TEN (Y): The end of the game was both the best and worst of Drake Maye. Hopefully (or maybe not hopefully with the Pats) he can show his stuff with Travis Hunter or someone like that next year.

CHI-AZ (n): I think the Madhouse in Maryland may have driven Chicago mad! (Also I love this crazy NFC West War of Mid so much!)

JAC-PHI (Y): The ineptitude by both coaches in this game was so hysterical that it went back around and became a letdown when the Eagles couldn't complete the choke.

DET-GB (Y): Oh, how the turn tables.

LAR-SEA (n): This game really showed everything fun about this beautiful flaming mess of a division!

IND-MIN (Y): Well, Elite Flacco's return was fun while it lasted. Time for the return of Elite Arm Punter Flacco!

TB-KC (Y): The Chiefs are inevitable. And I don't know if anyone's Iron Man. (Yeah, I ran out of gas with that one.)

Week 9 Predictions: 11/15

Total 2024 Predictions so far: 95/131 (.725)

SortaSports' 2024 NFL Week 9 Predictions

HOU-NYJ (TNF): Texans

DAL-ATL: Falcons

DEN-BAL: Ravens

MIA-BUF: Bills

NO-CAR (TANK BOWL): Saints

LV-CIN: Bengals (Screw this year, man)

LAC-CLE: Chargers

WAS-NYG: Commanders

NE-TEN (TANK BOWL): Titans

CHI-AZ: Bears

JAC-PHI: Eagles

DET-GB: Lions

LAR-SEA: Seahawks

IND-MIN (SNF): Vikings

TB-KC (MNF): Chiefs

[halfagone]

WIPS... All the WIPS...

*Please note that this post will be frequently updated as more fics/ideas/concepts are idealized and finished*

Updated As Of 6/28/23

*One Work was removed from "Currently Released/In The Works" to mark it has been completed. For a full discography of halfagone's works, check out this link.*

The marker, (*), indicates that this work is currently a high priority.

Any fic title in red text means it is currently being reconsidered for release.

Multi-chapter

Currently Released/In The Works

lex luthor's ascent from supervillainy to fatherhood (*)

down the rabbit hole (goes the throne)

billy batson and the phantom

weekend wonders

present, future, past

Insomniacs Anonymous

bloodlines

trust no one (trust me)

pay your dues

Off With [the Demon's] Head (*)

bones and all (*)

Just added!

Eldritch Situations

(The long-awaited sequel to Eldritch Toddler)

Summary:

Five times a teenage Danny and a toddler Danny did something supernatural to get out of something inconvenient, and the one time they didn't have to.

6 chapters in total.

To Be Released

path of reckless abandon

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels

Summary: Bruce finds out he had a son with an accidental, drunk one night stand and wants to do his best and be there for the boy after missing so much of his life. Danny, said son, would very much like his world to go back to being normal. And yet, he can't seem to turn down any and all opportunities to get to know his father better, and the life he could have had. Danny has never claimed to have masochistic tendencies. But it certainly looks like he might be starting to.

Ships: Past Brief Maddie Fenton/Bruce Wayne

escape

Genre: Horror/Thriller/Mystery

Summary: An unfamiliar alien species has come to Earth in search of an equally unknown species known as 'halfas'. With most of the planet's governments unwilling to allow the travelers' free access to the Earth and its populace, it's left to the Justice League to investigate the truth and possibly even convince the only living halfa left in existence to come meet and aid these alien visitors.

Meanwhile, Danny faces his own problems. It might be said that Phantom haunts Amity Park, but let it be said that the Ghost Zone haunts Danny right back.

Ships: None/TBD

danny (fenton) luthor's how-to guide to dying

Genre: Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels

Summary: You know the story Danny keeps telling everyone about his heart failure in lex luthor's ascent from supervillainy to fatherhood? This is the full truth behind it.

In other words: On September 30th, Danny died. Sometimes it's easy to forget the people who had to deal with the aftermath. (It's not easy to forget the consequences.)

abandonment issues

Genre: Action, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship

Summary: Chat Noir hasn't been in Paris for weeks now, and Ladybug has little to no clue why. She can never seem to get him on the phone either, only voice messages traded back and forth that never tells her any details. She only gets a better idea when she sees him on the news taking down a mysterious enemy alongside Gotham City's Red Robin and another, unknown vigilante. Ladybug doesn't know how to fix this.

Chat Noir has his own set of problems to deal with. It doesn't stop him from feeling bad for ghosting Ladybug.

Ships: TBD

learning to love again (love yourself)

Genre: Friendship, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: It starts like this: Adrien meets Danny, Danny meets Adrien. They hit it out of the park. It ends like this: Danny, on the floor, taking a shot meant for Adrien. There are a million things left unsaid in between.

Ships: TBD

treading the waves

Genre: Thriller, Mystery

Summary: It shouldn’t be surprising that the GIW has a high turnover rate, what with their poor rep and all the wild situations their agents tend to get involved with in Amity Park. Agents have come and gone before, that’s nothing new. Yet, when the head of operations gets ousted, no one is prepared for their replacement. The GIW might have been widely considered nuisances, but that was more for their penchant for property damage and general incompetence. But this new guy? He’s ready and willing to crack down on Amity Park’s ghost problem with an iron fist. 

And even he can see that there’s something very off about Daniel Fenton.

Ships: None/TBD

brittle (This title is subject to change)

Genre: Action, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: When Duke is discovered to be a metahuman and taken by a shadowy organization, he finds himself struggling at a loss of what to do. He knows he has to help save all these other metahuman children, but how can he do that without revealing his secret identity and training? Thankfully, his cellmate, Danny, seems willing to help.

Ships: TBD (Possible Duke x Danny)

One-Shots

a grieving man's grave

Genre: TBD

Summary: On the anniversary of his parents' deaths, Bruce spots Danny in that same alleyway. It goes about as well as you might expect.

Ships: None

troubles with immortality

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Status: In the Works

Summary: Duke might be immortal. He doesn't know how to feel about that. Luckily, his new friend Tucker knows someone who might be able to help out.

Ships: None

time is an illusion, reality is a joke (and i'm the puncline)

Tags TBA: Angst, Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Batfamily

Summary: Bruce is saved from the brink of death by a mysterious meta. The more obsessed he grows in finding his teenage rescuers, the more his family worries about him. Especially since, by all indications, this teenager literally does. Not. Exist.

That is, until someone else nearly does too.

Unholy

Tags TBA: Graphic Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Heavy Angst

Summary: Amity Park stands at a precipice of its very own annihilation. The tenuous balance that it has maintained for the past few centuries has finally begun to tip sideways, and not in a favorable direction. People are fleeing, although some remain behind, intent to help as many as they can and possibly even restore the balance between realms. 

With great reluctance, Maurice Foley takes his young daughter and flees from Amity Park at the advice of his wife and son, who choose to stay in the crumbling Amity Park. He flees to safety in the form of his brother-in-law, Jefferson Pierce, otherwise known as Black Lightning. When Jeff finds out about the state of his sister and brother-in-law’s home city, he takes the matter to the Justice League in hopes of saving Amity Park from complete ruin. 

They don’t make it in time.

[Next part of the lex luthor's guide series!]

lex luthor's list of filed complaints

Summary: Lex gets owned on a live television event by a teenager. In other news, Lex has a new intern! Somewhere along the way, he becomes a father to said intern, because obviously no one is parenting this child, so Lex will just have to do it himself.

a dream is a wish (your heart makes) - Title Subject to Change

Tim Drake/Danny Fenton Two-shot Rated T Tags include: Fluff, Love at First Sight, Cinderella-inspired

audience with death

Tim Drake/Danny Fenton Multi-chapter Rated T with Additional Warnings per chapter WARNING: This work may include scenes that viewers might find disturbing.

tightrope

Dick Grayson/Danny Fenton Multi-chapter Rated T with Additional Warnings per chapter

spell it out for me, please

Jason Todd/Danny Fenton Multi-chapter Rated T Tags include: Fluff, Slow Burn, Teacher AU, BAMF Jason Todd

time stand still for me

Duke Thomas/Danny Fenton One-shot Rated T

two cents in

Tim Drake & Danny Fenton Multi-chapter Rated T with Additional Warnings per chapter Tags include: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Child Neglect

Witness Protection Program - Title Subject to Change

Relationships TBD Multi-chapter Rated T with Additional Warnings per chapter Tags include: Angst, Whump, Stalking, Obsessive Behavior

hollow victory

Hal Jordan & Danny Fenton, Dick Grayson & Danny Fenton, More TBA Two-shot Rated T WARNING: Temporary Major Character Death

The Fall of the Graysons

Dick Grayson & Danny Fenton Multi-chapter Rated T with Additional Warnings per chapter Tags include: Heavy Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Broken Families, Alternative Universe - Canon Divergence

Magnetism

Summary:

When Danny was little, his favorite comic book character was Magneto. When he gets powers of his own, it shows.

There is a new anti-hero roaming about. It's about time the Justice League did something about that.

[justlookfrightened]

How about number 11 from the fluff prompts?

From this prompt list:  “Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?”

I did have to modify slightly to “Were you flirting with me ...”

Background: Bitty went to Samwell and stayed in New England. Jack didn’t go to Samwell but still plays for the Falconers.

Bitty had just set out the pie samples when the man in the yellow shoes ran by.

Every week, just at this time, the man ran through the just-opened market, keeping to the center of the aisle and never stopping to look at anything. Not the sweet, crisp lettuces or heirloom tomatoes from Bruce’s stand across the way, not the strawberries and blueberries that Harry had displayed, not the lavender and honey soaps from the booth next to Bitty’s.

It wasn’t really a bother. The man came early enough that there weren’t many customers to disturb, and the market was in a public park. Anyone could jog through it if they wanted to. It was just annoying that the man never even looked around or acknowledged anyone. And that he looked so good doing it, hideous yellow shoes notwithstanding.

Today he was wearing the shoes and navy blue running shorts -- the kind that barely reached the top of his thighs -- and a dark ball cap with sunglasses. What looked like a blue T-shirt was tucked into the back of his waistband, the better to sweat freely and give anyone who was out and about an eyeful of his shoulders, pecs and abs. Not to mention the massive rear end. All of which was damn near poster-perfect.

Bitty sighed and looked over at Margie, who had paused from setting up her stand to stare as well.

She caught Bitty’s glance and pantomimed fanning herself.

“You should try to sell him some soap,” Bitty said . “He’s gonna need a shower after that run.”

“Forget him,” Margie said. “I’m going to need a shower after watching him.”

The sun rose higher in the sky as Bitty’s stock of pies, cookies, muffins and turnovers got lower. The sample slices disappeared first, of course, but nearly everyone who took one bought something, so they were definitely a success. Maybe next week he should do more samples? Maybe apple and cherry? Or peach?

He was mulling fruit choices over when he noticed a customer -- well, a potential customer at least -- standing off to the side looking at his table. The guy was tall and broad across the shoulders, clean shaven, with the lightest blue eyes Bitty had ever seen on someone with hair so dark. His baggy shorts and ratty T-shirt, combined with socks and athletic slides, reminded Bitty of his old hockey teammates.

Bitty stood up.

“Can I get you something, sir?”

“Euh,” the man stalled, then looked at the table again. “Do you have a sample I could try?”

The man’s accent wasn’t as harsh as the New England voices that Bitty had finally gotten used to after six years in Boston and Providence. It wasn’t a southern drawl, that was for sure, but Bitty couldn’t place it.

“Not anymore,” Bitty said. “You have to wake up earlier to get those. I’ve got a couple of apple pies and peach pies left, and some cherry turnovers. Chocolate-cherry cookies, too, but I’m afraid everything else is sold out.”

“Um, how much for a cookie?”

“$6.50 for a dozen,” Bitty said. “I know it sounds like a lot, but …”

“A lot of cookies?” the man said. “I’m not sure I can have that many.”

“You can’t find anyone to give some to? Everyone likes a little sugar.”

“Haha,” the man said. “I guess.”

He handed over a $10 bill, took the cookies and left before Bitty could make change.

*

The following week, Bitty and Margie again paused in their set-up when the man in the yellow shoes ran by.

“Of all the markets I go to, this one definitely has the best view,” Margie said, turning back to her soaps. 

“You know it,” Bitty said, arranging morsels cut from apple, cherry and peach mini-pies on a tiered stand to offer as samples.

Once again, Bitty had sold most of his stock by time he was considering getting a start on packing up. Once again, the man with ice-blue eyes appeared, hanging back until Bitty noticed him.

“Did you like the cookies last week?” he asked.

“Um, yeah,” the man said. “And I shared them with my … friend. He liked them, too.”

Bitty looked up, wondering what the awkward hesitation before the word “friend” meant. Did he not really share them? Why lie about that? A dozen cookies wasn’t too many for one person to eat in a week, and Bitty hadn’t even asked who ate them. Was his “friend” not really a friend? Maybe more of an acquaintance, like a neighbor or coworker? Or maybe more than a friend? A wife? But he said “he.” A boyfriend? A husband?

Bitty tried to get a read on the man, but when he looked up, the man was looking down at the table, at the card reader with the pride flag sticker and the  now-empty sample stand.

“Looks like I missed the samples again,” the man said. 

“Looks like you did,” Bitty agreed. “You’ve got to get up pretty early to get those.”

“Do you have more of those cookies?”

“Sorry, not this week. Maybe try something different? Peaches are in season and I make a mean peach pie.”

“Why would I want a mean pie?” the man asked.

Now the cute accent came with dad jokes.

“Haha,” Bitty said. “I’ll have you know I won the blue ribbon at the tri-county fair with my pie when I was still in high school.”

“I think a pie is too much for me,” the man said. “It’s not as easy to share as cookies.”

“I’ve got just the thing,” Bitty said. “You can take my last half-dozen mini-pies, and since I’m packing up, I’ll only charge you for three. There’s four peach and two cherry. That’ll be $13.50.”

The man handed over a $20, and this time Bitty didn’t pass him his food until he accepted the change. The man just dropped it in the tip cup.

“Thank you, sir,” Bitty saud. “Y’all have a good week now.”

“Good-looking and generous,” Margie said from the next booth over.  “Why do I only get little old ladies or girls who want their bathrooms to smell nice?”

“Because you sell soap?”

“Don’t men want their bathrooms to smell nice?”

“Well, I do,” Bitty said. 

*

The following week’s market started much the same way, with the runner in the yellow sneakers kicking off the day, this time carrying a balled up red T-shirt in one large hand.

Bitty arranged sliced of apple and cherry turnovers as samples and displayed his pies and cookies, then passed the time between customers chatting with Margie and Bruce across the way.

“You think your boyfriend’s coming back?”

“What boyfriend would that be?” Bitty asked, as though he hadn’t spent a good part of the week daydreaming about blue eyes, sharp cheekbones and broad shoulders.

Once again, just when he was getting ready to close up, Blue Eyes showed up, this time with an even larger man. His friend? Or “friend”? 

The bigger man walked right up to the table, not hanging back like Blue Eyes usually did.

“Hello,” he said, smiling widely, the word flavored with an accent Bitty couldn’t quite place. “Jack says you make the best pies. You have blueberry?”

“Uh, not this week?” Bitty said. “Maybe next week, if I can get enough blueberries. I can make sure to save one for you, Mr. --”

“Alexei,” the man said. “You can call me Alexei.”

“Okay,” Bitty said, writing the name on a sticky note. “I’ll save a blueberry pie for Alexei, Jack’s friend. Can I get you anything today?”

“I see you have lemon bars,” Alexei said. “Six of those?”

“And what about you, Jack? It’s on the house. I noticed the extra $20 in my tip jar last week.”

“You don’t have to,” Jack said. “I like what you make, and it’s your business, so you should be paid. Um, you have a cherry pie left?”

“Just one,” Bitty said.

“It’s amazing,” Alexei said, “that you get this guy to eat dessert. Usually he only eats protein. All the time.”

“Protein is good for you,” Jack defended himself.

“Well, sure it is, hon,” Bitty said. “But you have to have a balanced diet.”

Both men paid, and Alexei said, “Maybe Jack will come get my pie next week from you -- wait, I don’t know your name.”

“Eric,” Bitty said. “But most everyone calls me Bitty.”

“Bitty baker,” Alexei crowed. “Excellent.”

“Bye, Bitty,” Jack said quietly.

After they left, Bitty collapsed dramatically on the table.

“Why are all the good ones taken?” he said.

“Who said he was taken?” Margie said. “Maybe they’re just friends.”

“Friends who pick up pie for each other?”

*

Bitty was well stocked with blueberry pies the next week, and he dutifully put one aside for Alexei. The berries had been so plentiful at the market that he’d made a couple of dozen blueberry bite-sized blueberry tartlets to set on his sample stand.

Bitty was just placing it on the table when the man with the yellow shoes loped past. 

“Put your tongue back in your mouth.” Margie was laughing at him. “You have your guy who comes every week. This one is mine.”

“Hush, you,” Bitty said. “I have a regular customer. That doesn’t mean I can’t feast my eyes on what’s on display.”

Then he stopped talking and busied himself with his display, because the man had broken his pattern and turned around when he reached the end of the market. He was headed back down the aisle.

Bitty was preparing himself to nod at the man, who for once seemed to be looking his way instead of straight ahead, but it was hard to see from behind the man’s sunglasses.

Wait, the man was heading right toward him, slowing to a trot as he passed the table.

“I see you got the blueberries,” he said. “Save one of those for me?”  

Bitty was glad the man -- Jack -- kept moving, because he knew his jaw nearly hit the table.

Once he managed to close his mouth, he turned back to Margie. “Still not my boyfriend,” he said. “But jiminy crickets. How did I not know it was the same guy?”

“You were blinded by the shoes?” Margie suggested. “Or, you know, the totally ripped half-naked body.”

“At least he’ll be dressed when he comes back,” Bitty said, placing three of the tartlets into a container that he put with Alexei’s pie. 

“The better not to drool over him?” Margie asked.

“Yeah,” Bitty said. “Pretty sure that’s considered bad customer service.”

Bitty spent the rest of the morning on pins and needles. It was fine, he told himself. His (very handsome) customer was the same as the (very hot) guy who ran through the market early every morning. The guy who never showed any sign that he even realized there were other people there, let alone that those people might be looking at him.

To him, Bitty was just the guy who sold cookies and pies. But his friend said Jack didn’t usually eat sweets, Bitty remembered.

Maybe Jack was buying them for Alexei. Maybe they were … it wasn’t right to say “more than friends,” Shitty would have his head for that. 

But they hadn’t seemed, well, couple-y, last week. And Bitty was pretty sure Jack lived alone. And Bitty couldn’t believe he had gotten himself wrapped up in whether there was an ethical difference in spinning daydreams about a customer based on whether the customer had a significant other. They were daydreams, for pity’s sake, and nothing would come of them.

Good thing the tartlets were doing their job and Bitty’s baked goods were more or less selling themselves today.

The stand was so successful that Bitty sold out of everything except the tartlets and pie he was saving for Jack and Alexei a half-hour before he usually packed up. 

He took his time stacking his trays, folding his tablecloths, stowing equipment in now-empty coolers for the trip home.

“Leaving already?” Margie asked. “Want me to hang on to the pie for when he gets here?”

“Nah,” Bitty said. “I’ll wait.”

Once he had everything stacked and ready to go to the truck, he sat in his folding chair and pulled out his phone to answer comments on his latest video.

He had just explained -- for the six-hundredth time -- how shortening and butter behave differently in pie crust when he heard a throat clear a few feet above him.

The Jack he saw when he looked up was different from the ones he had seen so far. No tiny running shorts or baggy basketball shorts, no horrid yellow shows or shower sandals. This Jack had on dark wash jeans that had to be tailored to fit like that, a snug T-shirt and a flannel button-down left open and with the sleeves rolled above the elbow. The moccasin-style shoes were a nice bonus. He looked a little familiar, but Bitty supposed that went with the fantasizing.

“Bitty?” Jack said. “Are you done for the day?”

“I am,” Bitty said, getting up and then immediately bending over to pick up the boxes for Jack. “But I saved you some tartlets and Alexei’s pie is here.”

“How much do I owe you?” Jack said.

“The pie is $20 even,” Bitty said. “But you can catch up to me next week if you don’t have cash.”

“I’m good for it,” Jack said, reaching for his wallet. “More to the point, so is Tater. What about the little blueberry things?”

“No charge,” Bitty said. “Samples, remember?”

“Samples are for people who get here early,” Jack said.

“You were here early,” Bitty said. “You just couldn’t take them with you. No, uh, pockets.”

“You think I’d put them in my pockets?”

Jack handed over two crisp twenties.

“It’s just $20,” Bitty said.

“For your trouble,” Jack said. “I’ll get Tater to pay me back.”

“Why do you call him Tater?”

“Hockey nickname,” Jack said. “He’s my teammate.”

“You play hockey?” Bitty said. “Where?”

“With the Falconers?” Jack said. 

Suddenly it clicked.

“Alexei … Mashkov? And you’re Jack Zimmermann!”

“Uh, yeah,” Jack said, ducking his head to look around to see if anyone heard. He raised his hand to his head like he wanted to pull the brim of his cap down, but with no cap, he ended up brushing away the hair that had curled onto his forehead. “Sorry you had to wait for me. Do you need a hand moving your things?”

“Aw, you don’t have to do that, hon,” Bitty said. “It’s a kind offer, though.”

“I don’t mind,” Jack said. “I was hoping maybe after you were done clearing up, you’d want to get coffee with me? Or a late lunch? Or something?”

Bitty managed to keep his mouth closed, but only just. A quick glance to the side told him Margie hadn’t been so successful.

“You don’t have to,” Jack said. “It’s fine. I mean, I know you shouldn’t ask people out when they’re working, so that’s why I wanted to wait until you were done --”

“No, sugar,” Bitty said. “I’d love to get lunch with you. Just so I know, though, you mean like a date?”

“Yes?” Jack said. “Wasn’t that clear? After all these weeks? Tater said he thought you liked me.”

“Wait,” Bitty said. “Were you flirting with me?”

“You finally noticed?”

“Never mind,” Bitty said. “Got there in the end, didn’t I?”

Jack started pushing the dolly with the folded table and stacked coolers towards the parking lot. As soon as he passed, Bitty flashed Margie a thumbs-up, picked up his chair and trays, and followed.

[fizzingwizard]

Go ahead y’all ask me how I am... do it, I DARE you... after Digimon Adventure: episode 50 - the 1999 equivalent of which, I feel compelled to mention, was “Jou’s Battle,” when Taichi strategically splits his group apart with the goal of gathering the whole team for the final confrontation - I think my emotional state can best be described like this:

meme so funny haha

but the truth is I’m very sad. I just can’t with this show anymore. I don’t know if I’ll continue to review future episodes. Actually, as I was watching this one, I thought it was the final episode, even though I knew there were supposed to be more and it hadn’t been hyped as the finale at all. I just thought, “What else can they do after this? It seems like the kind of ending this shitshow would get. At least it will be a relief to not watch it every week anymore.”

However, let’s be clear that this is NOT the finale. I’m gonna watch till the very end, but idk if I have it in me even to make these depressing little reviews. At first it was fun, then it was meh... I held out and the show got fun again, but the last month or so have been such a drag. And this week’s episode is just the final straw. So we’ll see.

Anyway real episode review below the cut. Warning: I hated everything except for Taichi’s face so it’s mostly caps of him.

Pic of the day:

“At this rate... I’m gonna request a transfer to Boruto...” /Sanpei Yuuko joke

More below

Last week big bad Millenniumon appeared to be resurrected. Here he is.

Totally lacking a clear motivation other than “destroy the world...” Even in appearance, ALL of Devimon’s evolutions mid-season were WAY scarier.

Turns out Taichi and Agumon have faceplanted on this hunk of rock, which immediately breaks off and sends them catapulting earthward.

Wind noise what? Taichi and Agumon encourage each other while freefalling.

Agumon: Hey shouldn’t we have broken every bone in our bodies by now

Taichi: I once broke my leg tripping over Hikari’s hairbrush. This is starting to seem silly.

Meanwhile the others awaken inside what Tailmon explains is a cut-off dimension created by Millenniumon, where they will eventually fall into a dreamless sleep forever and ever.

Millenniumon’s power is immense and he makes volcanos erupt. So his power is he gives the earth digital acne.

Yamato evolves MetalGarurumon and stars just attacking the walls (of... the endless void... lol). This appears to slow Millenniumon down in a total rip-off of the way cooler way Koushirou slowed Diaboromon down in Our War Game.

The Holy Digimon are inspired by Taichi’s courage to fight wheeee I didn’t realize they were having problems with that

no kidding

Taichi fights a lot and escapes certain death a lot. Even when he and WarGreymon take a head-on hit and are sent spiraling into the ocean. Still fine because THE POWER OF BELIEF

Chumbawumba: I get knocked down but I get up again you’re never gonna keep me down

WarGreymon is able to knock the black ball thingy out of Millenniumon’s mouth. This is fortunate because it’s what contains Yamato and friends and now they are able to free themselves thanks to the Holy Digimon, who randomly start acting like the Crests are important. But since we don’t know what they are *cough* they just call them “everyone’s hopes!”

Now let’s interrupt my mocking to appreciate an adorable Taichi waking up face:

Alll the d’aaaaawwwww

... Aaaand his back is broken x’DDD

The HolyDigimon have evolved to Ultimate level! More on that later. First, they divided the group in halves with them, because because. Hikari gets Taichi, Sora, and Koushirou, and Takeru gets Yamato, Jou, and Mimi.

So yes... those Ultimate evolutions... Tailmon becomes Magnadramon and Patamon becomes... GODDRAMON, GOD OF STEELY ABS

no seriously thats all I could think. Magnadramon is all soft and fluffy looking and then Goddramon is like “I HAVE SMALL HEAD HUGE BODY ABS ABS UNTIL KINGDOM COME, VERY MACHO”

He punches Millenniumon in the mouth, of course.

Millenniummon considerately starts to melt. Thank you, Millenniumon. We wouldn’t want Goddramon’s ego to get bruised.

There’s a few good attacks here - I liked Magnadramon’s Apocalypse attack - but like who even cares. The animation is so half-assed that there’s nothing really to appreciate.

Just when it seems Millenniumon’s defeated, he comes back like... this. It’s enormous. Even Koushirou’s digimon analyzer doesn’t know what it is.

Lopmon does though!

bahahaha

but wait what’s this

sparks! are they fireflies????

no they are the hopes and wishes of all the Digimon we’ve met on our journey! how lovely and inspiring! what are they saying?

hopes and wishes: I DONT WANNA DIE I DONT WANNA DIE I DONT WANNA DIE

now I shall spam Taichi looking adorable while being as cliche as an anime protagonist can get.

Good heavens, WHY. WHY WHY WHY. I looooooove Taichi (obviously) but WHY is he the one fighting here?? First it was Taichi, then it was Goddramon/Magnadramon, and now it’s... back to Taichi??? FOR WHAT REASON???

I mean the reason is, we don’t know anyone else well enough to cheer for them the way we cheer for Taichi. As cool as the Holy Digimon are meant to be, I guess the one thing the producers realized is that, uh, they’ve only spent time building up Taichi (and even that, while they’ve done a lot of it, they haven’t done it well).

Kinda cool death scene.

Our heroes wake up no worse for the wear. Millenniumon is gone. Everyone is together and happy. I’m just spamming Taichi again.

his face when Mimi gives him the corsage

Taichi: “Wtf, what is this, is this supposed to mean something??? also didn’t we see this burn to a crisp a few frames ago??”

And we end with a blue sky, which is both the most beautifully animated frame as well as the most Digimon Adventure-like scene in the entire episode -____-

So, like I said, I was all prepared for this to be the inauspicious ending, despite what I’d heard about the number of episodes. But nope, there’s more. Although I’m frustrated beyond belief, I’m somewhat relieved because this does mean there’s still potential to recover somewhat from this utter train wreck of a battle. The big problem is that Millenniumon is a TERRIBLE villain.

The other problem is that the show HASN’T been terrible the whole time. It’s been up and down a lot, but the ups were very much there, and they gave us some stuff I found pretty interesting. Like, I really wanted to know more about what the heck went down between Taichi and DoneDevimon - the fact that only Yamato has any idea about it (Takeru too but he’s a baby) hasn’t been addressed. Then there’s the connections between Devimon and Angemon, SkullKnightmon and Tailmon. Those have been addressed, technically, but they left sooo much room for more.

Then there’s things like the kids’ family situations - my guess is we’ll end up back in the human world at some point quite soon - which were hinted at back when most of the team was exiled to the human world. Really want to see that expanded on.

Mosty of all, what gave me any positive vibes about this reboot at all was the first three episodes, which were pretty good overall - did a lot of things different but still preserved what I felt was most important. We saw Koushirou coming into his own, Yamato being standoffish and slowly opening up, and Taichi being the glue that keeps things together. Those first three episodes are arguably better than the rest of the show combined. And I bet it’s no coincidence that they predate covid-19 (sort of - I mean, covid was already a thing and around, Japan just hadn’t started caring much about it yet).

Episode 4 is when we started hitting misteps, and that’s also when the show went on brief hiatus due to covid. It never got back what made those first three episodes so promising, even during the highs.

I’ll make a list of the things I liked sometime, but I suppose the main points are the ones I mentioned above, plus the arc with Ogremon, and the kids getting new evolutions not seen in 99 Adventure (well, by “kids” I mostly mean Taichi tho - but I thought it meant everyone would get them. Technically, Takeru just did.)

So yeah. I’m  so done with this show and the things is, I just love Digimon Adventure so much, it meant so much to me as a kid. I didn’t expect the same show. I think my expectations were set at a reasonable level, though I knew I had to be cautious about comparing the now and the before too much. This show just hasn’t been able to live up to 99 Adventure, but that’s not even my issue - it’s that it doesn’t live up to other current children’s cartoons either. It’s got no heart. Just think about that, Digimon has got no heart. It’s literally all about the connection between kids and their partners, kids and their friends, kids and their families, and it has no heart! That is failure. It says to me that something got confused in production - there wasn’t enough money, or there was too much staff turnover thanks to covid, etc, and people just lost sight of the story they were planning to tell.

That’s what I think happened. It can’t be fixed at this point, but I’ll still watch till the end and hope for the best. At least maybe I’ll get more Taichi pics to spam.

I probably need to rewatch 99 Adventure soon to get my soul back.

Next week, apparently the Crests will finally matter. My hope is that this whole debacle with Millenniumon is gonna turn out to have been a cover for something much bigger and less boring going on. Millenniumon didn’t even get a villain monologue. He reminded me of the way Mugendramon had been somewhat, more like a puppet than his own person. Makes me wonder if the Vademon were up to more than simply resurrecting a vanquished evil. Here’s hoping.