#but oh well. gotta make him the bad guy again somehow the plot demands it. such is magnetos lot in life lmao

[clonerightsenthusiast]

i got to the part of new mutants last night where they leave magneto and the school and I already miss headmaster mags and more than that i miss the incredibly funny dynamic where every time the kids sneak out of school for some mission despite being grounded (happens constantly, they can teleport, what's he gonna do), because cerebro is broken and he can't fix it, he has to GO TO THE HELLFIRE CLUB and use their mutant detector to find his kids while shaw and selene make fun of him for being outsmarted by six teenagers. again.

and he's soooooo mad about it

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 292: You Say Jeans

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “well anyway here’s that Touya reveal I foreshadowed like a million years ago, viva la 2020.” Dabi was all “hello world, I’ve killed 30 people and today I’m going to explain to you all why” before he proceeded to explain ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but everyone was so distracted by his tale of child abuse and hero conspiracies that they didn’t much seem to notice. Can’t Ya See-Kun’s Shark Friend was all “IS THIS THE END OF HERO SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT”, and Horikoshi was all “STAY TUNED”, and then Dabi set himself on fire and leaped off of Machia’s back like the chaotic evil, I-just-bleached-all-my-brain-cells weird little fire man he is, ready to burn everyone to crispy bits before they could even react properly to his whole big revenge speech. Fortunately he did not succeed on account of THE RETURN OF THE JING, THE JOAT, BEST FUCKING JEANIST, back from the dead by popular demand in what critics are calling “the best fucking comeback since Jesus himself.”

Today on BnHA: Best Jeanist snatches up Machia and the rest of the League with his fiber steel cables before you can say “more like BEAST JEANIST amirite.” Dabi gets all worked up and lights Hadou on fire which is a real JERK MOVE, and is all “THIS RIGHT HERE IS ALSO ENDEAVOR’S FAULT”, which, NOT SUPER CONVINCED ON THAT, BUT OKAY. Anyway so then he burns up all the cables holding him which is crazeballs btw, and then he and Shouto start fighting, and so basically the whole thing is a literal hot mess and we’ll see how that goes. Meanwhile Tomura wakes up and summons some Noumus, and poor Jeanist has to deal with those on top of the still-attempting-to-rampage Gigantomachia, and everyone else is all “we can’t help you on account of we’re all half dead”, and so it’s looking really bad. And then -- and I can’t stress enough how much I don’t even have the faintest idea how to segue into this next part -- the chapter ends with Mirio!?! just sort of POPPING UP OUT OF THE GROUND all, “SURPRISE, BITCH”, and it literally was so surprising that I am still just kind of speechless. WELL-PLAYED, I GUESS, lol wtf.

lol okay so the first page in the RHA scan is just the “three musketeers” movie promo image that we all already saw a few days ago. but it does confirm that (a) it is indeed a movie, and (b) that it’s set for a summer 2021 release! how exciting

okay so now back to our special Dabi edition of Making a Murderer

“ray of hope” oh hell yes. SAVE US MR. JEANIST

I guess he had a TV in his private hero jet or something?

gotta say, “dammit Dabi” does not even remotely sound like Authentic Best Jeanist Dialogue to me though. gonna need Caleb to see to this. well but what do you guys think? does Best Jeanist curse?? I personally feel like he’s one of those guys who NEVER EVER swears no matter what, except under the most hilariously trifling circumstances. like he’s eating an avocado one day and he accidentally stains the cuffs of his beloved jostume green and he’s all “FUCK”

btw how fucking rich is Best Jeanist though that he has his own fucking plane? the thought just suddenly occurred to me, you know? like even Endeavor, whose agency has its own on-site luxury apartment suites for all of his interns, still drives around in a dinky little car that Bakugou has declared to be too small. which, I guess we know why he felt that way now, seeing as the guy he previously interned with apparently gets around in Jeans Force One

anyway so back to the part where Jeanist shows up to save the day!! YEAH JEANIST WOOOOO

ILU JEANIST YOU REALLY ARE THE BEST!! HUGS AND KISSES!!!

lmao we just saw Gigantomachia take out like a hundred guys not ten chapters ago. and Best Jeanist shows up and takes him down in like two seconds. HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES LEAGUE OF VILLAINS. BET YOU’RE WISHING YOU’D TAKEN HIS QUIRK NOW, AFO. GET FUCKED YOU OLD SPUD

KACCHAN IS SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM AWW

SIDE NOTE, IIDA, YOU AND I ARE GONNA HAVE WORDS LATER ABOUT YOU ACTUALLY AGREEING TO PUT HIM BACK DOWN. YOU DO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS CHILD IS STILL DRIPPING BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE FROM HIS MULTIPLE STAB WOUNDS, RIGHT? WAY TO ASSERT YOUR AUTHORITY THERE. I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE CLASS PRESIDENT NOT THE CLASS CLOWN, COME ON NOW

LMAO DABI IS FRANTICALLY TRYING TO DO THE PLOT MATH

SHOULDA CHECKED MORE CLOSELY MY GOOD MARK. LOOKS LIKE YOU MISSED THE “MADE IN CHINA” STICKER ON THE BOTTOM. YOU HAVE BEEN BAMBOOZLED. OR ACTUALLY, I GUESS THE MORE ACCURATE WORD HERE IS JAMBOOZLED, AHAHAHAHA. JEANS

HOLY SHIT DABI

I legit almost thought that was Tomura for a second. you two look so alike now with the white hair and the crazy eyes

meanwhile, Shouto is still crying and it’s a lot to take, you guys. lotta feels

ffff come on Jeanist you better do something awesome again here, the mood of the chapter is starting to slip now

YES, GOOD, THAT’LL WORK

WELL YOU TELL ME, SPINNER. I GUESS THAT MEANS BEST JEANIST IS OFFICIALLY THE STRONGEST CHARACTER IN THE SERIES NOW. SORRY I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

ffff now Spinner is trying to wake Tomura back up. nah, how’s about we not do that

OH MY GOD HADOU YESSSS

MY GIRL OUT HERE WITH THE “NO THANK YOU” BOUT TO CURBSTOMP THE BIG BAD WITH HER QUIRK KSFHLKLK WHO HERE HAD “HADOU SAVES THE DAY” ON YOUR WAR ARC BINGO CARDS, YOU LOVE TO SEE IT!!

HEY!!!!

fucking son of a... fffkfkff... someone please reassure me that fire isn’t Hadou’s weakness. someone. anyone. also could someone please dial an ambulance and send them to Horikoshi’s house. but not just yet. first I’m gonna need you to wait about fifteen minutes or so while I take care of some things

well all right then, Dabi. so you wanna go on then and explain to us all how this, too, is somehow Endeavor’s fault?

oh I see, you’ve decided that since he’s responsible for “creating” you, everyone you hurt and kill is in truth really being hurt and killed by him! well now, that sure is convenient as fuck I guess

(ETA: that’s a nice effect with the panel sides getting all warped by Dabi’s quirk though, just noticed that.)

amazing how quickly you used up that sympathy card my guy. Shouto please kick his ass, I’m fucking done lol, you can all sort out the rest in therapy later

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE DIAL BACK DEKU’S EMPATHY STATS JUST A LITTLE BIT, HOLY --

“TODOROKI-KUN IS HURT THE MOST”, HE SAYS, WITH HIS ARM BONES SHATTERED INTO LITTLE TOOTHPICK-SIZED PIECES. I MEAN, HE’S PROBABLY TALKING MORE ABOUT MENTAL ANGUISH GIVEN THE CONTEXT HERE, BUT STILL. THAT’S ENOUGH HEROICS FROM YOU ALREADY FOR ONE DAY

NOOO JEANIST

LOTS OF SMOKE IN THE AIR RIGHT ABOUT NOW AND MY BOY’S STILL DOWN A LUNG. GOD DAMMIT

“if the number one suffers a total loss here, this country will fall to pieces” well okay, real talk though, I think the “country falling to pieces” part is pretty much unavoidable at this juncture. you all are just gonna have to try your best to pick up those pieces after the fact and see what you can do with them. if I were you I’d be less worried about the number one’s reputation and more concerned with the half-dozen child soldier interns who are still on the field and very much at risk of being burned to death should you suffer that “total loss.” please try to keep it together here for them

OH FOR FUCK’S

I really thought RockLockRock was gonna come into play here. USE YOUR QUIRK TO LOCK THE ROPES IN PLACE YOU DIP!! if he seriously just sits there and does nothing when his quirk could be the deciding factor I am cancelling his useless ass cute kid or no cute kid shfkjdls

(ETA: is he even there?? did he and Manual just hightail it out of there?? “well good luck, children.”)

also, we’ll put this aside for now to perhaps speculate about later, but what’s with Tomura remembering his dad’s house yet again in that far right panel?? and being itchy again?? I still have yet to fully work out the psychological mechanisms at work as far as his itchiness goes, so I’ll admit this is intriguing to me. it seemed like it was connected to his decay quirk, but then why is it acting up again now. what is this lol

yuh oh

forgot about these guys. looks like these heroes aren’t having such a fun time

oh fucksticks

excuse me ma’am but I don’t like this. you do know that my kids are all there, right. all burnt and impaled and broken-boned and the like. well except for Iida. he’s fine still. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I FEEL LIKE WATCHING HIM GET TORN APART BY FOUR HIGH ENDS, WTF

HORIKOSHI YOU MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD

god fucking... okay look. Horikoshi. you win, okay!? congratulations, you win, this is your show and we’re all just sitting here at your mercy. fine. go ahead and just kill off everyone ever, then!! what am I even gonna do about it. stop reading?? fuck

this whole thing really went from zero to fucked before I could even blink huh. I really thought this was gonna be a turning point chapter for the heroes. shows what I know I guess??

meanwhile this motherfucker is just SCREAMING

ngl, if I wasn’t currently terrified on account of things suddenly taking such a drastic turn for the worse, this would be the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Jeanist my man, I hype you up like it’s my job because you are the greatest fucking meme character in the history of time, but make no mistake, you are also highkey WORTH ALL THE HYPE AND THEN SOME

seriously, though. don’t fucking mind him you guys, he’s just standing here in the coolest pose of all time taking on Gigantomachia all alone with one fucking lung because the substance pumping through his veins is COLD-BLOODED LIQUID DENIM, and DENIM FEELS NO FEAR

Best Jeanist really needs to get his own theme song. -- oh my god I just finally thought of a title for this post. lmao and it’s the dumbest thing. omg

MEANWHILE THE TODOROKI BROS ARE OFF IN THEIR OWN DRAMATIC LITTLE FIRE WORLD

which one do you think is the Mario and which is the Luigi. well, but I mean, Dabi clearly thinks that he’s the Luigi though and that’s why he’s so mad. nobody wants to be Luigi. what a life

THAT’S IT, SHOUTO!! POINT OUT ALL OF HIS HYPOCRITICAL BULLSHIT, I WANT ANSWERS

JUST TO CLARIFY, IT’S THAT NATSU, NOT SOME OTHER NATSU!! SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!!

OH, WELL IN THAT CASE

BUT OF COURSE. THAT WOULD MAKE IT ALL WORTHWHILE, holy shit. okay I’m just gonna go ahead and say it, Dabi is a piece of work. I really thought this arc would make him more sympathetic at long last, but it seems like it’s doing just the opposite?? this is like an anti-redemption arc. I don’t relish the thought of venturing into the fandom tags once I finish reading this lol

(ETA: well folks, I’ve done it. and actually it was pretty interesting because there are apparently like ten different things that people are mad about, and so it’s like. each post is a new adventure lmao.)

so Shouto is all “BRUH HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST IT” and Dabi is all “YES”, basically? like, he says he’s completely lost his feeling for anything. omg. but you were so sweet. how does that even happen

“finally I can kill you” okay for real what the heck is your damage bro?? can we not. I like Shouto just the way he is, un-killed

oh shit and now the Noumus are here

cue Bakugou diving in to save his mentor, STAB WOUNDS BE DAMNED!! actually it would make more sense for it to be Iida, but if Kacchan is really fixin’ to go full Shounen Dumbass here then he might as well go all out, y’know

-- unless of course, Deku decides to activate another quirk??

“last I checked, the main character of this series was still me” OH? WELL I SUPPOSE THAT IS TRUE, SO PRAY TELL, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT LEFT UP YOUR SLEEVE YOU SUICIDAL BRUSSELS SPROUT

fucking love how he’s all “HAHAHA WITH MY NEW QUIRKS I CAN STILL DO STUPID SHIT EVEN WITH MY ARMS AND LEGS GROUND TO A FINE POWDER” btw. what can I say. Deku gonna Deku

FMMFHDKUHK W H A T

HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. WHAT THE WHAT. QUE THE FUCK

(ETA: okay look, all the love in the world to the brave scanlators who take time out of their lives to translate the leaks every week just so we can read the chapter a couple of days early like the addicts we are. that said, translating Mirio’s signature “POWER!!” -- which was already written in English in the original scan -- to “POG-CHAMP” is just a whole new level of wtfuckery from them lmao. is the Lida person back at it again?? amazing.)

MIRIO!?!?! SHOWS UP TO SAVE THE DAY?!?! POGS HIMSELF UP OUT THE GROUND TO BEAT THE NOUMUS LIKE IT AIN’T NO THING. JUST LIKE WE ALL PREDICTED!? I’M SORRY, DID YOU NOT SEE THAT COMING?? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR DAILY HOROSCOPE FROM ASTROLOGY DOT COM DIDN’T HAVE THAT ONE IN THE CARDS?? WAS IT NOT OBVIOUS?? TODOROKIS PLUS BEST JEANIST EQUALS MIRIO??

hot damn. Tintin really saw the writing on the wall with the impending Dabi Discourse and was all “NOT SO FAST” lmao. “HERE’S A BRAND NEW THING FOR YOU ALL TO DISCOURSE ABOUT” MIRIO YOU WILD CHILD. YOU GLORIOUS THUG

MEANWHILE LET’S NOT FORGET WHAT MIRIO HAVING HIS POWERS BACK ACTUALLY IMPLIES. HOLY SHIT. SUDDENLY WE CUT BACK TO ALL MIGHT’S OFFICE, ALL THE WAY BACK AT UA. ERI BRANDISHES HER TOKOYAMI-GIFTED BUSTER SWORD, A DETERMINED GLEAM IN HER EYE. “I HEARD YOU WERE TRYING TO HAVE A GIRL POWER ARC WITHOUT ME.” OH. MY. GOD

[bangchanzz]

Lover’s Paradise

Chapter 5

JEON JUNGKOOK X READER

Summary: Idol!Jungkook and Celebrity!Y/N have been friends for years. For both of them, their friendship has always bordered on more than friends, but neither of them are brave enough to take the leap of faith and confess. But when Y/N hosts the boys of BTS at her suave LA mansion and somehow finds herself sharing a bed with Jungkook, who harbors a few dark secrets of his own, things spin out of control. Tensions rise as she shows them a glimpse of her suave superstar lifestyle, and secrets come out that could change people’s lives forever.

Warnings: Severe depression and anxiety. Mentions of suicide. Eventual smut. Mentions of sex acts. Virgin!JK. Mentions of drug and alcohol use. ANGST

Word Count: 4.4K

Author’s Note: OH she’s angsty. We love good old miscommunication as a plot device :) Enjoy! Let me know what you think!

Lover’s Paradise Masterlist

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Chapter 5

YOUR POV

You were roused from the peaceful clutches of sleep by the unmistakable noise of someone throwing up.

With a sigh you flung the covers back and slid out of bed, wincing slightly as your feet hit the cold hardwood floor. You walked to the bathroom to find Jungkook’s retching form slumped over the toilet, one cheek pressed to the cool rim. The acrid stench of vomit had you gagging in the doorway.

As an avid drinker you yourself had been in the very same position many a time and had sympathy for the poor kid. Alcohol was one tricky drug that unfortunately took a while to master.

You sat down beside him and brushed his hair back from his face, your other hand rubbing soothing circles on his back.

He looked at you, his soft brown eyes brimming with misery, tears streaming down his face. Your heart clenched. You wanted nothing more than to take him in your arms and ease his pain like you did last night, but that wasn’t an option right now.

“I don’t feel good,” he sobbed.

“I know,” you replied. “I’m going to get you some water, okay? Stay here.”

He could only nod before another wave of nausea hit and he started throwing up.

You felt bad, but as a sympathetic vomiter you couldn’t get out of there quick enough.

In the kitchen you found Namjoon and Jin enjoying a breakfast of fresh fruit.

“Hey Y/N,” Jin said cheerfully. “How was your night?”

“My night was fine,” you said, reaching for a glass from the cabinet. “Jungkook on the other hand… well, let’s just say he is currently paying the piper.”

The two older boys shared a concerned look.

“How bad?” Namjoon asked.

“He’s throwing up,” you responded, filling up the glass, “and I don’t do very well with vomit so do you guys think you could…?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jin said, grabbing the glass of water from your hands and heading upstairs, Namjoon in tow.

You sighed and leaned against the counter. Now what? Going upstairs wasn’t an option, but you were still exhausted, so you wandered into the living room to find Brandon watching Netflix on the couch.

“Hey,” you said, slumping down next to him and immediately leaning into his side.

“Good morning, Princess,” Brandon said with a grin, slinging his arm around your shoulders and planting a kiss on your temple.

“Jungkook is throwing up in my bathroom so this is my bed now.”

“Ah,” he responded absently, moving to lie down on the couch and pulling you with him. You settled in easily to the shape of his body—something you’d done a thousand times before. His cinnamon and clove scent draped over your senses, the sensation familiar and inviting as he traced little circles on your bare thigh.

But as your eyes drooped and you slowly faded into sleep you found yourself reliving the ways your body had fit into another boy’s; what it had felt like under his touch, and you found yourself wishing the body pressed against yours belonged to someone else.

***************************************************************************************

JUNGKOOK’S POV

After what felt like an eternity of throwing up all the food he’d eaten in the past 72 hours, Jungkook made his way downstairs to rejoin society. But as he descended the stairs he froze at the sight before him on the couch.

It was you and Brandon, both sound asleep with some sitcom playing softly on the TV.

He realized with no small amount of envy that the two of you fit together perfectly, like matching puzzle pieces. The two of you even looked good together, like you were destined to be a matching set.

A queen to his king. That’s what this was, and Jungkook was a fool for denying it. Brandon was a king in his own right; a king ruling over a broken kingdom of fame, sex, and designer drugs forged in ecstasy under a dusky palm-studded boulevard. He was a king of rowdy nights and drunken whispers displayed across billboards in neon lights, and as much as Jungkook wished he could deny it, that was your scene. You ruled beside him, untouched and unbothered by the inherent filth and dishonesty of it all, rising to your crown on waves of pleasure, both synthetic and carnal. You were a sex goddess, a party queen, an icon of higher living and its immortalizing qualities.

And Jungkook could never keep up. That was a scene so displaced from his normal life that he couldn’t even imagine it. He didn’t belong in your world., and he never would.

So Jungkook sealed away his heart and walked back upstairs where he surrounded himself with the better memories of you and let his soul bleed out in the soft morning light.

***************************************************************************************

YOUR POV

You woke up a few hours later to Brandon tossing you on floor like a sack of grain.

“I gotta piss,” was all he said as he stood up from the couch and walked to the restroom.

“Ass,” you called after him.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” Yoongi said, descending the staircase. “Ready to work on the album?”

“Yeah, let me just go get dressed.”

***************************************************************************************

The first writing session went fairly smooth. You talked about concepts and possible tracks, always making sure that the boys were as involved in the prosses as possible.

But throughout the course of the day, you couldn’t help but notice that Jungkook seemed to be avoiding you.

He made a point not to be close to you and would only answer you in one-word responses. You shoved the resulting gnawing feeling away because you were working, but once the session was finished and they boys left you alone, your mind couldn’t help but drift back to Jungkook.

Is he still embarrassed about the other morning?

No, we settled that.

Is it about the cuddling last night?

No, he seems more mad than embarrassed...

Is it something I did?

Should I talk to him?

Thoughts tornadoed around your head, so loud and forceful you felt like your skull might burst.

Just then, your stomach growled, so you got up, deciding it was late enough in the day for dinner.

You left your writing studio and headed towards the kitchen, but before you got there you were met by dozens of people carrying what looked to be party supplies through your house.

“What the…” you started, but then saved your breath. You already knew who to yell at.

“BRANDON!” you yell, stomping past a procession of men carrying kegs and straight to the backyard, where you found the Party General himself signing for a giant chocolate fountain on the patio.

“Yes darling?” He asked innocently, not even deigning to look up from his paperwork.

“What the hell is this?” you hissed, gesturing to a giant ice sculpture of a fish being placed in the yard.

He handed the clipboard back to a young man in a uniform who took it and left, leaving the two of you alone.

“Well,” he says, looking over his sunglasses at the ice sculpture and then back at you, “I believe it’s a koi.”

You resist the urge to slap him. “Every day I grow closer and closer to killing you in your sleep.”

“Oh, goodie.” He says. “I do love surprises.”

“Clearly,” you seethe, gesturing to the party decorations throughout the yard.

For a moment, neither one of you speaks. Brandon merely stares at you with mirthful innocence as you glare at him and fantasize about playing air hockey with his kneecaps.

“Since when are we throwing a party?” you demand finally.

“Since a few hours ago,” he shrugs, as if it’s no big deal.

“And when were you going to tell me?” you demand.

He shrugs again. “You were working, I didn’t want to bother you.”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, how very noble of you.”

“Why thank you,” he replied, his eyes twinkling with delight at your obvious rage. “I’m inclined to agree.”

“Did Caleb agree to this?” you demand, trying to figure out if you had an ally or not.

Brandon snorts. “He’s the one who came up with the idea. I just made it better.”

You stare at him, trying to sort your jumbled emotions into a coherent thought.

He reaches over and pats you on the cheek. “You should go get dressed. People will be here around nine.” And with that, he walks away to intercept a courier carrying a large floral wreath.

What even was the theme Brandon was going for anyway?

You decided that you had no choice but to go along with it, however pissed you were for being left in the dark. So, you trudged upstairs, nervous that Jungkook might be in your room, and wondering what you’ll say to him if he is.

You weren’t sure if you were elated or disappointed to find him missing. You tried not to think about it at all.

Instead, you threw yourself into getting ready, finding peace in your makeup routine. You decided on a natural eye and a red lip that perfectly matched your favorite red party dress.

It was made of a satin material that reminded you more of a nightgown than a dress, but you liked the way it shimmers under party lighting. But what you really loved about this dress was the cut outs right below your breasts that showed just enough underboob to be alluring, but still tasteful. You threw on some gold gladiator stilettos and the layered gold pendant Brandon had gotten for you for your birthday last year. Lastly, you braided your hair and coiled it around your head, making it appear like a crown. By the time you descended the staircase a little after nine, the party was already in full swing.

You immediately spot Kenzie in the hallway and ignore the gaping stares of unfamiliar party goers whose eyes you feel on your body from a room away.

“Y/N!” Kenzie squeals, spotting you. “We were just about to come find you!” she says, pulling Arthur towards you.

“You found me,” you say weakly. “Now let’s get me a shot. Or six.”

Kenzie furrows her brow. “Oh god, what happened today? Did the writing session go poorly or something?”

“No,” you reply with a shake of your head. “It went great actually. I’m just in a weird mood.”

You can tell by the hesitation in her face that she doesn’t quite believe you, but she sees something in you that doesn’t make her push further, and instead, dutifully pours you six very full shots of vodka, which you don’t hesitate to drink.

You had spotted Jungkook a few times, but he was always too far away to ever go to him, so you had stayed mostly with Kenzie and Arthur until they disappeared to go make out somewhere.

You found yourself alone in the kitchen, staring at your phone, until someone was suddenly standing right in front of you. You look up and meet Brandon’s drunken smile as he wiggles a small bag of white powder in your face.

“Wanna do some coke with me?” he asks, his grin all teeth.

You stare at the coke for a second, weighing your options. But ultimately, what have you got to lose? Not much these days.

“Sure,” you shrug. “You cut the lines.”

Brandon makes a very drunken high-pitched noise you think is supposed to be a squeal as he clears a space on the island and pulls out his wallet.

He goes first, using a crisp one-hundred-dollar bill to inhale the fine white powder from the marble.

You go next, wordlessly taking the rolled-up dollar as Brandon sniffs next to you. You do one line, and then another, wincing slightly as the drug bit the back of your throat.

The high is almost instantaneous, energy suddenly gracing your jittery nerves.

You turn to Brandon, his eyes twinkling and his smile giddy as you reach up and wipe a bit of cocaine from right below his nose. You pop your finger in your mouth, rubbing all over your gums until that familiar numb feelings takes a hold of your mouth.

“Hey, I got you this,” Brandon slurs, obviously very, very fucked up. He outstretches a shaky finger to trace the necklace you wear, taking the jeweled pendant at the end between his thumb and his index finger.

You chuckle. “I thought Caleb picked it out.”

“But I paid for it!” he protested, swaying slightly. “And just because he saw it first doesn’t mean he picked it out. I have good taste.”

You laugh. “Yeah, okay, your one virtue is good taste in jewelry, I’ll give you that.”

He leaned in close, his mouth almost touching the shell of your ear. From here, you could smell the tequila on his breath. “Don’t look now, but Jungkook is staring at us,” he whispered too loudly to really be considered a whisper.

You whirl around to follow where Brandon is looking, but you only catch Jungkook’s broad back as he walked away from you.

Brandon smacked your thigh. “I told you not to look!”

By now you’re frowning after Jungkook and Brandon really is in no mood to deal with your stubborn crush, so when you turn around, Brandon is gone.

You wonder how much Jungkook saw.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want him knowing about your partying habits, you just didn’t want him to find out like this. You were afraid that he might see you as irresponsible or immature, as many people did when you merely mentioned the word ‘cocaine’. You realized with no small amount of discomfort that you actually cared what he thought about you. You didn’t like this new feeling.

You head back out into the party, hoping to find Jungkook and maybe talk to him, but before you can accomplish that, a group of friends call you over, and you abandon yourself to the revelry, letting the drugs in your system wash through you with a euphoric high.

***************************************************************************************

The good thing about coke is that it hits fast.

The bad thing about coke is that it’s over fast.

Soon, your limbs felt heavy, the day’s work and evening full of wrecking your body finally taking its toll. You slip away from your friends, desperate to go upstairs and get away for a moment.

The piano music greeted you before you even set foot in your bedroom.

It was a sad melody, a tune that sang of loss and heartache and a sorrow so soul-deep it left scars.

You softly cracked the door to your room open to see Jungkook seated at the piano, his long fingers dancing gracefully over the keys. He had his back to you, his shoulders curved inward as if burdened by an invisible weight.

You realized that you should probably say something to alert him of your presence. The moment was too personal, too intimate, to be unknowingly shared, but the soft music was hypnotic in the way that it pulled you in. And then he started singing, and your soul shattered.

It was just a hum, a simple melody over the agonizing notes of the piano, but the emotion it carried was undeniable, like the suggestion of words without actually speaking.

And to you, that said more than any word in any language could. There were moments sometimes where the saddest of music was too happy for what you felt inside, where silence was the only tune your heart could bare as it struggled to find the will to beat.

The song wrapped itself around your very bones, the sorrow in the notes squeezing until you thought your skeleton would turn to dust. You didn’t know you were crying until a tear dripped down your neck and chest. And then one tear turned into many as the rising tide of sorrow that lived deep in your stomach threatened to drown you, and you choked on a sob loud enough that Jungkook stopped playing and whirled around.

You took the split second of his surprise to contain yourself, to push those horrible demons back into their little box inside your soul and lock them away for as long as you could manage.

Your eyes met Jungkook’s from across the room, where you watched surprise and sorrow mingle in his brown irises.

“Sorry,” you choked out, clearing the tears from your throat. “I didn’t mean to interrupt; I just needed some air.” You swallowed thickly, hoping he didn’t notice.

He dropped your gaze like it had wounded him, and instead looked out the windows on your balcony towards the sea. “It’s okay. You didn’t interrupt anything important.” He eyed you carefully and you had to resist the urge to squirm under his knowing gaze. “Are you okay?” he asked gently.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” you murmur, fidgeting in the doorway. “That melody was beautiful. What was it?”

There was a pause before he responded. “Nothing. I was just messing around on the piano.”

“Well, you should mess around more,” you said, your voice soft. “That was seriously good. It was like, hauntingly beautiful.”

Another pause. “You think?”

“I know so. I am a producer after all,” you murmured. “You should work on it tomorrow at the writing session.”

“Maybe,” was his reluctant response. He said nothing else.

In the silence that followed you moved to stand in the middle of the floor.

Jungkook remained seated at the piano, lost in thought. “You love him, don’t you?” he asked, doing nothing to hide the note of angry reluctance in his tone, like a cornered animal knowing it lost.

“What?” you asked, staring at his profile.

“Brandon. You love him and he loves you. It’s obvious.”

Annoyance flared through you. “God, why do people keep asking me that?”

“Because, Y/N!” Jungkook exploded. “Everyone sees the way you two look at each other, how close you are, the way you act around each other, and it’s obvious to everyone except you two at this point that you’re in love and don’t care about the rest of us commoners.” He spat the last couple words like they were poison on his tongue.

“What are you talking about? Of course I love Brandon, he’s my best friend. I love Caleb too! We all live together! We’re friends. But just because I care about someone does not mean I’m in love with them.” The annoyance inside you was slowly building to anger as you sank deeper and deeper into yourself.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Jungkook spat, taking a step closer to you. “I see the way you touch him, the way he touches you. There’s nothing platonic about that, Y/N.”

“That’s just the way we are with each other, we’re touchy people, not that my friendship with Brandon is any of your business,” you reply, ice coating your words.

“It is my business when you keep shoving it in my face!” he hissed. “And you never touch anyone else that way,” he added, almost as though it were an afterthought. He took another step towards you and you could now smell the beer on his breath.

“Oh, is that what this is about? You’re jealous?” you demand, the alcohol and drugs in your system loosening your tongue. There was something hopeful in your words, just as much as there was malice. You wanted to hurt him, but you also hoped that maybe you were right and maybe he was jealous. Maybe this wasn’t just a friendship.

You so desperately hoped it wasn’t. You found yourself willing to give anything to have him, and the thought scared you.

Somewhere in your head you knew that you had been in love with him for a while now, but it had never really clicked until tonight.

You found yourself staring at the defined lines of his jaw when he wasn’t looking, or the cute way he crinkled his nose when he thought something was really funny. You were fascinated with the way his shirt would brush up against the powerful lines of his muscled abdomen, something you found yourself yearning to see in full. You loved the smooth way he moved, like water, with his fluid dancer’s grace, even when he was doing the most basic of actions.

You loved the way your soul felt lighter around him, the way you felt better, more whole in his presence. He was like a balm for your wounded, broken soul.

You watched his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed at your words.

“Is that what you want, Jungkook?” you demand, your voice low. “Do you want me to cuddle with you on the couch, and sit on your lap in the hot tub, and put my arms around you like this when I’m drunk?” you ask, closing the remaining space between you two and twinning your arms around his neck. Up close, you could see the flush of his tan skin, and the way his pupils were blown out to hide the brown of his irises. His breath fanned across your face; his mouth frozen in the shape of an O. His body trembled beneath your touch.

Logically, you knew this was a very bad idea. He’s your friend, and nothing more. You’re producing his album, its wildly unprofessional. You should stop.

But you threw caution to the wind and you slid your hands down his muscled arms and gripped his wrists, trying not to meet the intensity of his gaze, as you moved his hands to the small of your back, slightly lower than what would be considered proper. The back of your party dress was cut low, and his hands grazed painfully slow across your bare skin, leaving tingling trails of electricity in their wake.

“Is this what you want Jungkook? Do you want to touch me?” you whispered into his ear, your mouth millimeters away from the skin right below his ear. “Because you can. I want you to.”

“You… want me to?” he choked out, his body becoming very still.

“Yes,” you murmured, pulling back to look at the starved look in his eye.

His grip tightened around your middle, pulling you flush against his muscled chest, like he had finally realized that this—that you—were real. “Y/N, I- “

The sudden knock on the door had him releasing you and stepping away, your body suddenly robbed of the warmth he radiated.

Both of you stared at the floor as the door slowly opened and the sounds of the party permeated the dulled silence. Taehyung stuck his head through the door, the rest of his figure following soon after.

“Hey,” he asked, closing the door softly behind him. “I just came up here to check on Jungkook. Is everything okay?”

“I don’t need a babysitter, Taehyung,” Jungkook snaps. He’s standing so still, his eyes so full of fire, that it honestly scares you a little bit.

“Hey,” you snap at Jungkook, letting your own anger slip its leash. “Just because you’re mad at me doesn’t mean you get to take it out on him.”

Jungkook’s eyes flare as his focus goes back to you. “What? Are you going to sleep with Taehyung, too?”

Before you really know what you’re doing, you slap Jungkook right across the face.

Taehyung sucks in a breath from behind you, but he doesn’t move from his spot.

Jungkook slowly turns to look at you, disbelief plainly etched across his face. “Did you just slap me?”

“And? Did you not deserve to be slapped?” you demand, not yielding a single inch.

You and Jungkook stare wordlessly at each other; Taehyung using this moment to quietly excuse himself.

Even after the door clicks quietly shut behind you, neither of you speak, choosing instead to stare into each other’s faces, daring the other to talk.

You observe the scowling lines of his face, the tears pricking the corner of his eyes, and you realize he looks more betrayed than mad.

And it breaks your heart to see him look like that.

“What the hell was that?” you finally demand, breaking the silence.

“I should be the one asking you that,” He huffs, eyes flashing with hesitation.

“What is up with you? Why are behaving like this?” you ask, your eyes narrowing up at him.

He takes a step closer, placing the sharp curves of his collarbone mere inches from your face. A wicked part of you wonders how soft his skin would feel under your lips, what kind of moans would slip past his lips if you kissed just the right spot.

“You were the one who made me touch you,” he says, his voice breathy but still angry.

You were the one who made me touch you.

His words are like ice water on your skin. A sinkhole opens up inside your chest, but this time you do not fight it, you simply let it suck you in.

“Did you not want me to?” you ask quietly, but not softly.

His eyes become unreadable. “Why would I want to touch you like that?”

Everything stops. You feel the repulsion in his voice in your very bones. Suddenly your head becomes incredibly loud.

You’re tired. You are so fucking tired of this hurt, this rejection, from everyone in your life—especially yourself.

You fucked up and it’s probably cost you one of the most important relationships in your life. And now you had to live with that.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be doing it again,” you say flatly, your voice devoid of any emotion. You felt yourself shutting down.

You realize you’ve let your mask fall—the façade you cloak yourself in to mask the pain that’s always lurking just below the surface. You typically don’t let people see you like this—the real you. The dark truth of your heart.

He’s looking at you with a mixture of hurt and anger and you can’t stand the way his eyes search your face with feverish unfamiliarity.

You can’t bear to stand here with him anymore, not when you feel your heart shattering into little pieces.

It’s over.

You fucked up.

Live with it.

You don’t say a single word as you lock yourself in the bathroom; he lets you walk away.

You turn on the shower so no one can hear you cry, and you scream into a towel until your heart feels empty and your limbs are heavy.

You don’t see Jungkook for the rest of the night.

[sinkingwmyships]

hEY BABY

im back at it again with

JJBA (VA) Purge AU (3)

yeeee this is the one abt the relationship scenarios ;)))

part 1 | part 2

i highly recommend checking out the previous parts first, if not this might be kinda hard to follow

between me and my 1.5 braincells we're trying really hard y'all so pls go easy on us show some support ;_;

OKAY

(oh yea a heads-up no ships are decided yet so treat all these relationship scenarios as hcs (yea imma make AUs inside an AU lmfao))

tw: (1 mention of) homophobia, referenced past abuse, bullying (??)

1. fugio

the first scenario that popped into my head is that Fugo and Giorno go to the same university (for some reason Gio's parents can afford to send him there, idk he probably got financial aid or sth, and then after he killed them (😳 awkwardddd) he's probably using their life insurance in fear of it running out). and Fugo doesn't really care for Gio bc he's a rich boye and he has his quality™️ elite friend circle so why bother himself w a nobody. but in reality all of Fugo's friends are either only on a social level (u know those ppl who you're friends w but u won't necessarily have deep convos w them or choose to hang out w them n stuff), or they're fake and only hang out w him bc of his wealth & status, or bc their rich parents are friends. plus (im referring to the anime backstory here), after the scandal w that professor who sexually harassed him, many ppl secretly hate him and talk shit abt him behind his back due to homophobia.

but anyway, Fugo's plotting against all those biches :) so where does Giorno come in? Gio, being this innocent poor boy who doesn't have a home to go back to, lives on dorm. and let's just say Fugo does too bc he doesn't have the best relationship w his demanding parents, so he was overjoyed when he finally talked them into letting him move from home into the dorms instead. (side note he prolly doesn't Purge his parents bc he needs their money.) so Gio and Fugo know of each other, but not acquaintances or anything.

and then

one day when Fugo's either

running into trouble with some authority figure at school again

just minding his own business and planning his Purge targets

Gio walks in on him, and he's either like

"omg Fugo r u ok do u need help what happened"

"omg Fugo idk what happened between u and ur targets but Purging ain't good, pls reconsider"

and Fugo, having the short-ass fuse that he does (plus probably having his pride wounded and just general mistrust of the ppl around him spurring him on):

"stfu u know nothing about me, but now you've seen this i guess it wouldn't hurt to kill you too"

"stfu u know nothing about me, ur probably one of those happy asshats that have no need for Purges, reconsider?? haha the only thing i'll reconsider is if i'll add u to my kill list" (bc if Gio reports him or sth, Fugo & his fam can get into trouble, since his targets are probably rich and/or influential ppl, but it isn't Purge time yet, so it can be considered malicious intent and/or attempted murder i guess, and so anyone who has any beef w the Fugo fam can bring them down) (i know nothing abt law don't come for me)

and then Gio is like "fuck dis shit im out" and he skrts tf out of there, but sadly Fugo ain't lying 😔 the day of the Purge comes, and Giorno was just trying to barricade himself inside his dorm room when suddenly, Fugo pulls an FBI OPEN UP and breaks inside using all his high-tech weaponry n stuff (i'll share my hcs for chara design later!!). Gio is freaking out so he jumps out the window into the streets, even risking going outside during Purge just so he can get away, but oh 🅱️oy is Fugo stressed tonight. and he literally hunts Gio down and almost kills him

uNTIL!!!¡!

2. abbacchio & giorno:

(SORRY I JUST LOVE DADBACCHIO & GIORSON SO MUCH)

Abbacchio is tasked w hunting down a certain rogue criminal, so he's la-di-da cruising thru Naples to get to Bucci's house, when suddenly this fucking kid comes running up to him with his hair and clothes all messed up and tears running down his face, and is like "pls help me sir i beg u i just need somewhere to hide pls i don't want to do this i don't want to die" and Abba's like "fuq??" but then he hears manic laughter and chainsaws revving and shit, and the kid sniveling all over his crisp™️ Purge suit looks like he can explode with fear at any moment (and plus Abba understands that nobody would ever run up to another person for help during Purge like this, unless it's really their last option), so he sighs, "fine. get behind me."

the kid drops to his knees and Abba can't help but think "aaahhhh fucking dead weight", but he said he'd help, so that's what he's gonna do. now ANOTHER kid rounds the corner but he barely looks sane, he seems almost possessed by something. *fighting ensues* but being a professional cop Abba knocks the kid out cold w a few swift moves, and when he drops to the ground that crazy expression finally leaves his face. he's already wasted too much time, so Abba turns to Kid 1 and is like "go back home brat and dont get into trouble again", but Kid 1 is still a trembling mess on the ground, and he says "i don't have any home to go back to."

subconscious Abba's like "well that's between you and god" but he knows he's basically this kid's god now (besides, there can't possibly be a god that would let things like Purges happen), so he's like, "fine. get in the car and DON'T get in my way" but THEN Kid 1 points to the passed-out demon child, "but we can't leave him here"

A: "he was gonna KILL you!!"

K1: "i know but he didn't mean it, he was just not thinking straight"

A: "Purges ain't where ppl think str8 kid, besides if he didn't really wanna Purge he wouldn't have geared himself up that well"

K1: “but he’s not a bad person. please, if we leave him out here in this state he’ll be killed for sure.”

at this point Abbacchio can't understand wtf Kid 1 is thinking, but for the first time in years he finds some of the humanity he was hoping to regain in Purge, so he's like "fine. haul him into the backseat. but you're sitting with him bc i got my shit in the front. and if he wakes up you're dealing w it this time. cool?"

Kid 1 nods, and surprisingly he has enough strength to shove Kid 2 into the backseat & get in after him. Abba is trying to decide what he wanna do w these kids, when his phone suddenly beeps, and in comes a new message from his superiors, "yo dawg u gotta hurry up and kill that Bucciarati guy, we'd better not catch u slacking" and he's like "yo Kid 1, can u fight?"

"uh, a bit. why?"

"well, that's what you're gonna do for me in return for my protection."

anywhooooo i imagine that later on, Fugo wakes up like "ugh wtf hello concussions????" and he sees Gio standing over him, and he snaps into defensive mode, sitting up and shoving Gio away and everything. but then he sees that Gio's hands are empty, save for maybe a bottle of water and a towel, and somehow Fugo's own wounds are all cleaned and bandaged, and he groans:

"dude, what the fuck are you doing? did i pass out? did you find help?"

G: "you got hit over the head pretty hard, don't move so suddenly."

F: "haha yea thanks i can feel that myself, anyway wtf were you doing?"

G: "uhhhhh... abbacchio patched you up but your face was really grimy so he told me to clean you up, and maybe give you some water?"

F: "no. i mean like what the fuck were you doing????? braincells hello?? kill me! i should be dead!!! is Purge over?? did the sirens go off before you can finish me?"

he suddenly notices how Gio just recoils and sits there with his eyes squeezed shut as Fugo shouts at him and flings his arms around. but he's seen how Gio defended himself against him, so he knows this guy can fight and is no stranger to Purges. this is the first mystery his 152 IQ has encountered in a long time, so Fugo reaches out to get Gio's attention, but then Gio jumps and slaps his hand away so hard Fugo feels his bruised brain jar. he pulls back immediately, holding his hands up, palms forward, finally kind of able to pierce together what's going on inside the blond's mind:

"sorry. wasn't gonna attack you. just... wasn't sure if you were listening to me, so i tried to get your attention."

"i was."

"okay. sorry." Fugo tries, but Gio is already standing up and leaving, glassy green eyes looking anywhere but at him. "wait! Gior— ugh??"

he almost faceplants the ground again. where's my stupid-ass helmet???? i need to be on balance mode stat. but then Fugo feels two arms helping him up, and he looks up to see Gio, frowning in distaste but still supporting him all the same. he feels bad for asking (as if he hasn't bothered this poor guy enough): "uh, so, what exactly happened while i was passed out?"

oh, honey...

a lot :)

BUT PLOT SPOILERS SO THIS ENDS HERE!!!!!! xD

ya know i might actually go w fugio after all :00 but if i do end up writing this, it will span over 12 hours / 1 Purge only, so even if there are ships they'll probably only be implied, instead of madly into each other by the end of everything :P

to be cont’d… 👀🔪 perhaps with other relationship hcs :0 or chara design?? who knows. suggestions?

feel free to drop any questions you have, or just scream to me in the cmts in general!! i’m happy to answer anything, from chara motives to backstory clarification, or anything else!! ik up to now these posts have just been walls of texts, so :’D thanks for reading thooooo 💖

part 4 | part 5

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

HypMic 7 - 9 | Maou-jou 5 - 6 | Akudama Drive 6 - 8 | I7 s2 6 - 9 | Taiso Samurai 5 - 6

HypMic 7

I will never not laugh at the content advisory, haha.

I like Kazuha already. Too bad he’s probably evil…

Oh, is it the day of the DRB in the series already…? Or maybe, because it’s the qualifiers, BB and MTC’s match is on a different day to FP and MTR’s.

Oh? Does Tom know Jakurai well enough to call him “Jakurai-sensei”? (<- middle ground between “Jinguji-sensei/Sensei” and “Jakurai”) Also, Tom uses “ore”.

Ooh, Iris is a motorbike rider, eh? Interesting. I thought they (<- not sure if Iris is a “she” or “he” with a really weird name) were more of a Saburo-type and didn’t bother with things like that, based on their appearance. Update: Someone on Yahoo Answers said based on Iris’s watashi, she is a woman.

Typo fixed! Good job, anime staff! Update: I’m referring to “…darkest hour is just before the down” (sic).

…bukkorosu = “f***in’ slaughter ‘em”. It’s not wrong…it’s just the subbers really like to abuse the F word for MTC. But you knew that already if you got this far…right?

LOL, Ramuda wants to “scratch [Rex’s] back” (figuratively) to…get SNS views? Hahaha.

This Studio Alita is probably a reference to Shinjuku Alta.

Yotsutsuji!!! That was the one big spoiler I got before watching the episode today and I’m so happy I got to see him animated!

(One of) Irihatoma and Degarashi refer to Jakurai as “Jakurai-sensei” as well. Hmm, I never noticed. Update: That’s Degarashi, because Irihatoma speaks to Jakurai alone later this ep.

There’s 50% chance I’m getting this wrong, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say Kazuha is voiced by a veteran VA…one I already know about.

Doppo calls Kazuha by his first name…That upgrade means their relationship escalated quickly (or this is a quirk of HypMic in general, since I noticed most characters are on first name basis with each other). Also, it’s cute Doppo finally has someone in his corner. No other part of the franchise has one, to my memory. Update: It might actually be “Kazuha-kun”…but I’m still surprised though. Update 2: It’s both, actually.

I’ve listened to the phrase “some random guy” several times from Hifumi’s mouth and all I can figure out is the “yatsu” at the end. (Doesn’t help my ears blocked themselves up again, although it’s less than it used to be.)

Harumi Wharf.

R? On a helicopter landing pad?

…uh oh. I was right when I thought Kazuha was going to be evil. Also, Doppler shift/effect. Update: “Doppler” is clearly a pun on “Doppo”.

Hmm? “Hey, Doppo” from “yaa”…it doesn’t have a name referred in there. It’s a small but odd thing to do. (I remember a professional translator was complaining that people with intermediate Japanese were giving them flak for translating things “wrong”, but what I do here is analysis for my future and edificiation. I’m not here to knock down pro translators’ doors and demand a refund, because I’m trying to go pro to atone for my sins as a scanlator.)

The soundtrack’s slightly sinister tone, plus the fact I figured the culprit well before Doppo did, makes me slightly scared…for MTR.

I realised they skimped on the budget…this “hot off the car chase” line seems more like an MTC line, doesn’t it…?...Yeah, it’s almost word for word for MTC in DRB+. Maybe the subbers rushed and used this translation (this link I put here) rather than their actual lyrics…? I will have to get to the bottom of this. Update: Turns out the translation is slightly different, but…yes, there is reference to a car chase in the start of Shinjuku Style. (Sorry, I don’t know every lyrics of every song off the top of my head.)

…wow, this got really Doppo-centric. I’ve never seen the leader relinquish their position when it comes to “leading into battle” before. It just goes to show the staff really do pay attention to how popular Doppo is.

Note “Doppo” means “walk alone”, roughly speaking, hence the “solitary” line.

This song is very, very faithful to its original lyrics, because I was trying to look at Hifumi’s “mixing paint” line and it pretty much matches.

Hifumi’s “my men”, LOL.

Kazuha = “one leaf”, hence the “leaves” in one of Jakurai’s lines.

I cringe every time I hear screaming coming from this episode, y’know…?

…oh dear. MTC’s plot actually bled into MTR’s.

I already knew from browsing Twitter earlier today that Kizuna was going to become FP’s today, but hearing it is another matter entirely.

Kosuke Miyoshi is Kazuha. Apparently, this guy also voiced Mashirao Ojiro (the tail guy) from BnHA, but that’s his only major role…so I was right in that I knew him, but wrong in that he was, again, a relative rookie in comparison to most.

Apparently FP’s sign is a peace sign sideways to represent an F, but…it’s just a sideways peace sign to me…

…how is Dice’s bead ornament attached to him? Is it on his hair, on his ear, on the skin behind his ear…? I was trying to replicate his outfit and got stuck on how to represent it, so I ended up opting for trying (and failing) to do a small braid on the right side.

IWGP shows up this season…it’s the song with the “hoo!” noise BB perform in this episode.

LOL, “Dead men tell no tales” is a perfect saying for MTC.

Akudama 6

Is there a movie called “Brother”…? There’s apparently one that’s the plural of that, but not that itself.

If HypMic likes the F bomb, then Akudama like the S word.

I-Is it just me or is the choreography sped up at some points in this episode…? It’s a bit disorienting to come back to.

I thought the kid was a robot…but close enough.

Oh no! Why does the teacher always have to die for the student to become stronger???

Kairaku/shugi -> pleasure/doctrine (if I didn’t somehow misunderstand the shark’s kanji combo),

The part after the ED looks a little too long…keep watching.

The Japanese says “Lost Children”, but the English says “The City of Lost Children”, probably referring to this French sci-fi film.

I7 s2 6

I like how Gaku is taking special offence to Yamato’s comments about him being a playboy.

Re:vale-san. I never noticed until now.

“I’m already looking forward to it.” That’s how I would translate Tsumugi’s “I’m already excited”.

“…who could possibly complain?” – I think Mitsuki might.

The pun in the MEZZO show is that tai (group/squad) sounds the same as tai (want to ~). Rabbinsta is obviously Instagram + Rabbit (Chat?).

Oh my gosh! It’s the Yotsuba sister!

Mitsuki’s shopping trip OST is nice, man. This piano.

This episode has a really great sense of danger and foreboding for the future.

I7 s2 7

Perfection Gimmick. Never heard it in the anime before.

Even the ramen house’s name is a play on “Idolish7”.

LOL, Yamato sure turned that comment around.

The sign talking about beer says something about coupons below it. (It went by too fast and my CR app’s kinda fiddly, so I can’t really go back…)

Kimi to Ai na Night (pun on Idolish7, aka “AiNana”, again).

Mitsuki, no one hates you! You’re just imagining it all!

I7 s2 8

Momo hugely resembles Sasara, right down to the highlights on the hair…

“…you’re so handsome…” – I’m dying on the inside here, people! *laps up the BL pandering with a derpy smile on my face*

Banri and Tsumugi haven’t been focussed on lately…they’re clearly doing something regarding Banri’s ties with Re:vale, but I can’t quite figure out what that “something” is.

Why is there a basketball and a football in the back of the Takanashi office…?

Please don’t run in heels, Tsumugi…

“I love Idolish7!” - Ah, despite my quibbles, Tsumugi is good after all.

“making one’s best exertions” – Why do those words on the cup worry me a bit…?

Isn’t “I’m watching you” a creepy statement…?

Apparently Tamaki’s symbol is mp (mezzo pianissimo), hence Sougo’s words.

…my gosh! Aya’s foster father is Kujou?!

I7 s2 9

If I heard it right, Tenn’s line was “I can be your idol”, not “your prince”.

“Older Izumi” - …ah, poor Mitsuki.

“Damn you, sexy beast…” – LOL!

…aw, I think this is the first time my heart has been lightened by Tsunashi’s laugh. He’s a good boy.

The chibis…I’m still trying to get used to them…

As a song once said, “You can’t please everyone so you just gotta please yourself.” (Blah blah blah, something about garden parties…)

Takao what now???...okay, Takao Dayuu.

…You’re lucky that wasn’t Tenn doing Takao Dayuu. It would’ve been very “Gentaro does his courtesan voice” if it was.

Nagi doesn’t overpronounce things as much in this season. It’s…pleasant, actually. Give me more of that.

Nagi’s “Oh my god!” was hilarious.

Taiso 5

Ra (ら) and ro (ろ) look kinda similar in hiragana.

Even without the audio, I can guess the words were “yarubeki koto” (things you should do) -> shachihoko.

The texts are written in gyaru-moji. Gyaru-moji is basically indecipherable to anyone who doesn’t know how it works – kind of like the common teen vernacular, to be honest (LOL…?) – and so the subs actually kind of ruin the confusingness of it all, but they did slightly better when they went “UR”.

Movie shiritori! But…has it really been half a year since Leo started? I feel slightly robbed about that plotline with the Men in Black right now…(then again, HypMic is just as bad about important plotlines, if not worse, so…I’m going to be patient and not complain.)

July 5th…Rei is a Cancer…?

They’re…finally moving on this Men in Black plotline! I only complained two points ago! Thank you, staff, for listening to my complaints (…?).

Moon Land finished recently, so I wonder if I’ll lose interest in this anime from here on out…? There was a Pommel Horse Prince in that.

Moon Land taught me that gymnastics has a lot of skills named after their creators, much like the Aragaki previously. The score is out of 10 for both D (difficulty) and E (execution), meaning a 20 is the best you can do, but the judges can get really picky...

The word for “vault” literally means “leaping/jumping horse”…makes sense.

Some of these names are names I’m familiar with from Moon Land already…but I never remember what the skills look like.

…welp, Leo just proved he really is a ninja after all.

Dr Stone’s s2 had its ED announced to be “Koe?” by Hatena and “Yume?” here really makes a theme…does Hatena give all their song titles question marks on the end?

Taiso 6

Colour gangs? Like in IWGP?

It’s nice to see they’re (Jotaro and Rei) communicating properly for the first time in possibly this entire anime.

On the wall, that thing is an evacuation map…of some sort.

…I’ve always wondered: if a bird eats chicken, does that count as cannibalism?

This is like thw Makkachin incident all over again (in YoI).

“…there’s no reason for you to grin and bear it.”

…Leo and Jotaro, both are so dense! Boys *shakes head*.

BB? More like ET (LOL)!

Maou-jou 5

…I didn’t even notice the cast was all dudes bar the princess at this point.

Tatakau Onnatachi. It could mean “fighting women” or “female warriors”.

I’m still vaguely pissed that Kirito is here under my nose…darn Demon King!!!

One of the harpy’s recent worries was that she wanted to become friends with the princess…That’s kinda cute…

Didn’t Syalis already get the coffin that one time? Or did it get confiscated?

*eyes sparkle* Cloud…I’d like to sleep on a cloud…*dreamy look on face* Cloud.

This is basically Princess, ‘Tis Time for Torture in reverse.

Is it “make do” or “make due”…?

I don’t think I need to explain the joke where the harpy is happy.

Gendo pose!

I wonder if the bed or the sheets will talk to her (Syalis) someday?

Maou-jou 6

The New Gearbolt’s quote is “guruguru dokkan”, which is just a bunch of sound effects. It would translate to something like “whir-whir-thud”.

Underwear episodes are some of the worst episodes ever…they’re so juvenile…I dropped at least one series based on the underwear episode alone.

Ah! The seal on the ice monster’s shoulder! Too cute!

How can a mechanical princess mecha (…thing?) have worries?

LOL, never underestimate the hilarity of the teddy demons ganging up on the Demon King.

I like how the Japanese pointed out the demons only moved the princess.

HypMic 8

I thought the robberies were Kazuha’s doing…? Or is this a separate case?

Samatoki answering his phone with his feet up…LOL, there’s just something funny about it. It shows he’s just so badass, he can get away with it.

Riou’s hacking (?) skills come to the fore again. (Or is that listening to enemy intel?)

Ooh, Iris is sassy. I love her already.

…er, Samatoki? Blowing cigarette smoke into Jyuto’s face is just rude…

“…don’t hang up your gloves.” – Considering Jyuto has his red gloves…LOL.

What the heck is that backing track when the 2nd car moved out? That’s a cool track.

Ah! Iris is a Saburo-type…LOL, Saburo’s fake identity.

“a cop who’s in with the yakuza” - Wow, way to diss your own teammate, Samatoki.

For a guy who was only just in the water, Riou doesn’t even look wet.

“2 DIE 4” – Hmm? So did the anime staff know what Riou’s 2nd round song title was at the time…? Update: Judging by the name “Requiem” dropped in the next episode, I would say yes.

“…f*** the police…” - Wow, way to diss your own teammate, Samatoki. X2

Hmm? In Riou’s rap bit near the end, he goes “mad warrior” and that rhymes (in a very loose way of speaking) with “Mad Trigger”. The English didn’t keep that.

I remember seeing a spoiler which said that line (the one about slaves)…but seriously, Jyuto is such a “sexy revenge cop” (as someone once said – I think it might be Slug, or an anon to Slug) that literally nothing else seems to matter about him.

Why do they subtitle the laughing??? I still have no idea.

“Sgt. Iruma”? The guy just says “Iruma-san”. Is he a sergant or some other rank? Update: Yes. (As in, he is a sergant.)

I’ve never actually seen Ramuda sleep in a bed before, come to think of it. Does he not have a bed?

I would assume Gentaro is going…but he said he won’t be going, then negated that and then negated it again. Unless the 2nd time was him admitting it was a lie the first time…is he going or not???

“shinsetsu no human” – (Spoilers for later on/manga)…Yes, that’s actually what Ramuda says. It’s as if Ramuda subtly admits, right there, he isn’t human.

Nodo = throat…If this were translated more literally, it would sound pretty clunky.

“…rappa no inochi…paa!” – Yep, the subbers got the gist of the joke there.

Dice is basically a worm at this point…He’s squirming like one, anyway.

That “number of pips facing up” thing has got to be foreshadowing for something, y’know? Nothing in a story ever goes to waste. Also, it’s likely the dice are weighted or something…

…yep, there you go.

That voice Gentaro used for “I despise lies” was amusing…because it’s so different to his normal voice, and because Gentaro is a serial liar.

The 2nd song…which I already know is called “JACKPOT” from browsing Twitter earlier today…was a bunch of fun.

Udagawacho.

Hmm…emphasis on the candy. I wonder what that means? (<- already knows, I just want to keep it a secret from you, dear reader, if you don’t know it too)

ANIME SHOP is so clearly a pun on Animate, including the colours, that I can’t even…LOL.

FP’s Kizuna sounds distinctly different to the others…probably because of Ramuda. It’s mostly Ramuda carrying the tune there.

“Life is what you make it.” – Hmm, an interesting quote for sure.

HypMic 9

…welp, they don’t call it Fling Posse for nothin’.

I didn’t believe my ears, so I went and listened to it again. Sure enough, Ichiro calls Jakurai -san, not -sensei.

Ramuda’s normal voice! Things are getting serious~!

“Hifuming”? Is that a deliberate choice on the translators’ part? Or is it a mishearing?

…I’m laughing at how Samatoki called Ichiro a “hypocritical piece of s***”. I know the “s***” part is correct at minimum from the audio.

I believe Samatoki said -san, not -sama when he asked for an honorific. Hmm, interesting.

I knew this would get animated, but…I still can’t believe I’m watching it! Amazing…absolutely amazing.

If you’re wondering…yes, that long thing is her entire title and name. It’s said the name “Kadenokouji” is the longest Japanese surname in existence.

I remember reading a tweet earlier today that said somebody wanted “Altercation! Altercation! Altercation!” as a song title…and now I LOL, because the subbers made Gentaro say the exact same word.

Hmm…I only just noticed BB are the only ones with bags. They probably came last, but who took the others’ bags into Chuoku…? Update: Some of the others did have bags, I just never spotted them. For instance, Riou is carrying a large black rectangular bag, but Samatoki and Jyuto don’t have any. Jakurai has the bag from his TDD days.

The 2nd DRB brackets got announced today. BB vs DH, MTR vs BAT, FP vs MTC, rolling out across Japan (and Japan only due to COVID) in 2021.

“What happened between you and him?” - I was going “who?” in Cantonese (as I sometimes do), but turns out they’re just referring to Samatoki.

This is exactly as it played out in the drama tracks and manga…exactly what I was waiting for all this time! So good, dangit!

LOL, in the future, we will have camera drones working our concerts like they do in the DRBs…I think (?)

I wonder what Dice is thinking right now, seeing Otome on the screen…hmm…

…gah! Airhorn! Airhorn to the ears! *tilts to side due to sound*

I still kind of remember Slug’s take on the final battle…”The popo? More like the poopoo!” (or something like that). *sniggers*

The little barking bit after Jiro’s verse was…kinda cute, actually.

…ow, these are some burn-ass words. See? This is the power of the DRB!

…eh? Riou’s mic has his MC name on it. Don’t think I’ve seen that in any other part of the series.

Hoh, Riou even made references to Saburo’s character songs.

You can see “Hc” on Samatoki’s mic too…probably another case of his MC name, but partially obscured by his hand.

Aw, “Samatoki no sabaku toki” is a good lyric. Why couldn’t you try to keep that, instead of translating it literally to “judgement day for Samatoki”?

You can hear a thumping beat in the background when Samatoki prepares himself. That seems to be a similar way to how ARB treats this stuff.

“I’m THE Samatoki” – “Samatoki-sama da”.

I think it was really cool to show Samatoki handing the song over to Riou, but it also indicates there’s a disjunct in the lyrics that would cause such a thing. From this, maybe Riou is MTC’s weak link…?

Skeletons with katanas! Is that not cool?!?

…hey, that joined words thing Ichiro does…I would assume that’s what Rhyme Strike looks like in the HypMic universe?

Notice Samatoki took the word “signal” from Ichiro’s part and put it into his own one.

“Today is a good day to die.” – *eyes bulge* Oh…gosh. What a quote. Update: Someone theorised Ichijiku wrote these titles (the last 2), but someone else – like me – theorised this quote was what FP and M fans thought for this battle.

Akudama 7

…that’s one twisted kid.

Never threaten to kill a kid who can regenerate far better than you, Hoodlum.

Brawler is still in the OP…it’s kind of saddening to see him now.

I noticed a certain character appears on the Executioners’ hands if you pause at the right moment in the OP. It’s the first character in shori (management).

Bunny: set meal/Shark: roasted meat (yakiniku)

…This sounds a heck of a lot like the genbaku dome (Hiroshima Peace Park).

Bunny and Shark’s shirts together: Idiot -> Shark: Bone

Actually, this also reminds me of the Osaka Expo held in 1970. I loved writing about that event – it was just so fun to write about.

This anime is like Appare-Ranman’s sequel, except without the racing and crazy racial stereotypes (although there are still crazy stereotypes).

…whoa! This scene is going on the end of year list for sure. Just…have to remember this scene, where all the children disappeared, exists.

…”The City of Lost Children” is an apt title for this episode.

(HypMic spoilers!) I wonder if they’ll reveal that Ramuda is a clone in what’s left of the HypMic anime?

…oof, Doctor’s a filthy traitor!

Rule number 1 of fighting: never yell out “Smokescreen!” when the smokescreen is meant to cover you.

…LOL, dark censorship bar. Please wait for the Blu-Rays to see this scene uncensored.

What the heck?! The countdown went from 7 to 0 so fast!

Akudama 8

Black Rain, huh? *checks* It’s a movie about a pair of New York policemen who have to save a Japanese gangster from his death.

…don’t jinx it, Swindler!

Your brother isn’t on the moon, Sister. It’s just your dreams on there.

Notice “Neo Lake Biwa” actually has “Reiku” in its name, as opposed to, say, “mizuumi” or “ike” (the Japanese equivalent).

You can still see where Doctor stitched herself up.

What did Doctor “hold on to”?

Way to monologue through the whole morality thing… (<- not as satisfied as they would like from this scene)

I wonder if the seal is electronically tracked…

Tsubo = pot, vase…*thinks about drugs* (Not that pot.)

“…I’ll make you into a real man.” – More like a eunuch, LOL. (partially sarcastic)

I recall from Sarazanmai that “pair look” is the term for “twinsies” in Japanese.

Oh! Swindler kind of looks like the Executioner Boss now.

…I find it ironic that Swindler had long hair up until not too long ago.

Can to the eye! Ouch! That’s gotta be worse than a lightsaber…er, jitte to the eye!

This makes me wonder…was Courier a rich kid once…?

[shijiujun]

[History3: MODC] Ep 1-2 Summary - SOMEONE PROTECC XI GU PLS

Alright guys! I managed to make it home in time, and watched both episodes, but I guess I’m able to do a mini summary of sorts - But my verdict on the show is while the first two episodes seem a tad bit slow in terms of plot but there ARE NO GLARING PLOTHOLES THANK GOD and i gotta say I LOVE XI GU AND HAO TING AND BO XIANG AND ZHI GANG AND THE TWINS LMAO THEY ALL SO CUTE and surprisingly I like the main girl as well Si Yu although okay it kinda sucks that she’s going after Xi Gu while still attached to Hao Ting unless she was aiming for threesome but then no communication there and FRANKLY it might even be a love rectangle between Xi Gu - Hao Ting - Nintendo Switch - Si Yu lmao 

We start off with Hao Ting and gang (the fiercer twin, Gao Qun, Bo Xiang and the other guy whose name I still don’t know but he’s a Singaporean actor) in class and the Chinese teacher reading off abysmally low scores ranging like in the 30s and below out of a 100, and guess what our lovely main lead Hao Ting scores THIRTEEN OUT OF A HUNDRED

And okay you gotta give it to Hao Ting - He’s a little shit but he’s a CHARISMATIC little shit with a glib tongue, anyway the teacher yells at him for being not serious about graduating and his friends cheer him on and are just generally obnoxious, and then Hao Ting quips that this is about freedom yeah, and of course the teacher is like fuck you dumbass & threatens Hao Ting that if he dares to leave this class he doesn’t have to come back

Don’t ever dare and threaten your dumbass jocks in class cuz they hear a dare they gonna CARRY OUT THE DARE TEACHERS HAVE YOU NOT LEARNT ANYTHING - so Hao Ting leaps over a desk and runs out much to the cheers of his friends and everyone in class who get up and run to the windows and doors to watch him go - And then one of his friends yell at him to ask him to buy fried chicken early from the canteen I think

And then cut to the next scene - The gang at the courtyard/stage thingy and Gao Qun filmed the whole thing earlier and is showing to everyone while they eat fried chicken, and then Hao Ting demands for 300 NTD each from his friends, who refuse to pay lmao although Hao Ting digs into Bo Xiang’s pocket and digs out some coins and keeps them 

Then Hao Ting’s girlfriend pings him and he runs off

Cut to the infirmary, and HT’s shirt is half off as his girlfriend Si Yu is helping him to ice his shoulder and spray muscle relaxant on his back - She’s chiding him for being so reckless earlier and asking him not to do that again because she’ll be worried, and HT obviously soaks in the attention and TLC from her, and then they proceed to MAKE OUT

Pretty good makeout scene really, although idg why the camera angle had to show like her cleavage specifically like LMAO ARE U ALLOWED TO SHOW THE CLEAVAGE OF A TECHNICALLY UNDER-18 GIRL?!!! No idea, anyway, things get really heated up, but they’re interrupted

And XI GU makes his first appearance here!!! He’s taking a nap in the infirmary and is totally disturbed by these two horny teenagers, in any case SY and HT go out, although SY’s eyes are totally on XG as they leave - She’s curious about him

Then the infirmary doctor comes in, and obviously XG is like the apple of everyone’s eyes and I GET IT BECAUSE WHEN HE SMILES IT’S DEVASTATING - So the doctor is chiding him for not eating lunch (and if you read the character intro translation I did you’ll know it’s because XG is poor and he wants to save money, like that’s driving force behind all his actions for now at least) and because of that XG is obviously thin as fuck and pale like Edward Cullen - So doc tells him to take more care of himself and rest etc. etc.

And then side character 1 and side character 2 - SY’s friends, the girl (SC1) calls herself a fujoshi and is obviously a fan of XG and you’re a bit creepy but I get you girl, and then anw SY is asking SC1 about XG after she sees that XG is first in exams again, and SY gurl don’t two-time please

HT is DYING to buy a Switch, and after dinner with his fam, he tries to secretly ask him mom for money but the mom and sis totally gives him away and the dad threatens to hit him to see if ‘he’ll be more normal’ after that LMAO - and anw dad chases HT to the room but HT wins by shutting the room door and son and dad yell at one another through the door - But despite this u can see that they’re really close

Mom and sis settled on the couch eating fruits in the chaos - a MOOD

Then next day SY catches up to XG as he’s walking to (class? to lunch? idk?) and asks him to tutor her, and XG rejects her of course cuz he likes to study alone and he hates everyone else kinda but she insists and he refuses and then because they’re doing this on the stairs she slips and OF COURSE SMOL XG catches her and upstairs, the fiercer Xia twin videos it and them in that position

Fiercer Xia twin meets the rest of the gang on the rooftop but no one has much of a reaction to his news until he pulls out the video - HAO TING EATING REGARDLESS OF THE NEWS IS LIKE A BIG MOOD REALLY - the nicer Xia twin tries to speak up for XG because they’re like classmates, and then WHOA there’s a strange like almost-kiss moment as Xia En and Xia De like confront each other over that

HT finishes eating and goes confidently, “She won’t like him”

And then he goes to the infirmary wanting to take a nap right, and when he pulls open the curtain THERE XI GU IS ASLEEP AND THIS IS WHERE WE GET THE HAO TING FALLING ON XI GU ON THE BED SCENE FROM THE TRAILERS - And HT groans, “First he ruins my plans and then now he’s taken my bed”

HT reaches for a red pen from the table on the other side of Xi Gu’s bed and of course he falls and lands on the bed, and then XI GU WAKES UP AND HORRORRRRR

Doc comes in and reprimands HT for bullying/disturbing XG basically

And then I can’t remember where the scene is exactly but XG at some point goes to work at Zhi Gang’s soy milk store?!!! I think or cafe that sells soy milk lmao, and Zhi Gang asks if he’s eaten dinner, and XI GU SO CUTELY SMILES OMGGG and lies that he has, but obviously ZG already knows that XG is lying and already bought dinner for him, and also lets XG go home early out of consideration for XG’s studying schedule since he’s also studying to graduate this sem I think?!

Oh okay then before this scene, we have THIRSTY BO XIANG AT HIS COUSIN’S GYM WIPING THE EQUIPMENT AND ALSO TAKING SECRET PHOTOS OF ZHI GANG - His cousin catches him, makes a scene and he’s ZG’s personal trainer I think and when he lifts up ZG’s shirt to ‘check’ on his progress, wow, BX DROOLS OKAY

And then at some point, Si Yu ambushes XG in class and gets him to tutor her after school because he stays behind for two out of five days, and then the twins find out, so when the time comes, the fiercer twin bullies XG out of class, and SY is left disappointed 

HT basically begins to skip school and part time, and helps his mom to give out flyers in his neighbourhood to earn some extra money, and he also somehow cheats his mom by deliberately over-counting his daily part-time rate LMAO, but the sis does the math and outs him, and dad chases after him to try to hit him again but HT ain’t scared at all and they just play cat and mouse

And then the gang corners XG during lunch, bully him and basically makes him late HALF AN HOUR for class which has NEVER HAPPENED TO PERFECT ATTENDANCE AND ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE XI GU - He’s distressed because he needs a perfect attendance record and grades to get scholarship for university - So he’s fucking distressed, and the nicer twin at the back obviously sees it and he FEELS BAD and XG didn’t eat lunch again so he’s having gastric probably

End of the class XG begs the teacher not to record his tardiness because he really needs the scholarship, but the teacher is like everyone saw you come in so damn late, how can he like not put it on record? But when XG insists - white-lipped and shaking and all - teacher asks him to tell him why - and so XG tells him (which also doesn’t help him in terms of being bullied more by the gang when they find out)

So the gang ends up sweeping the corridor lmao

XG once again goes to work and kind-hearted LOVELY OPPA ZHI GANG gives him a bread again and asks him to go home early to study CRIES WHERE IS MY DADDY LONG LEGS

and BX probably because of his punishment, is unable to go to the gym for a while, but ZG asks the cousin where BX is

End of episode 2 shows BX on his bicycle cursing his cousin out for making him go all the way out to like... find a soy milk store, and GUESS WHAT SOY MILK STORE BELONGS TO HANDSOME ZHI GANG OKAY

Oh yeah and then he sees his lovely oppa in store helping XG to straighten out his collar and then he gets jelly

and the next day he confronts XG and pushes him against the wall and THE EPISODE ENDS HERE LIKE STOP DIS BULLYING

THOUGHTS ON THE SHOW:

This is pretty damn cute so far i have to admit, and I PROMISE YOU ONE OF THESE EPISODES, XI GU IS GONNA FAINT FROM HUNGER OR ILLNESS AND THEN EVERYONE FINDS OUT HOW POOR HE IS AND HAO TING CARRIES HIM TO THE INFIRMARY AND THEN BULLY GANG REGRETS BEING SO MEAN TO HIM

And for now, it seems like Si Yu may actually be supportive when she finds out that HT has taken an interest in XG - More on that in the next trailer I think, because somehow HT will mess up and XG ends up losing his first place on the exams and walks away dejectedly as HT regrets being a fucking idiot

And also at some point Zhi Gang will see Bo Xiang having fun with another girl on the streets and be all pissed and jelly and withdraw, and then HT tells BX to please go apologise and get him back, which BX attempts to do - CRIES HANDSOME OPPA IS DEFINITELY ZHI GANG OKAY

***

For @decadentdeerpolice <3

[argylemikewheeler]

All Right.

|| Steve accidentally comes out to Jonathan in the worst way possible– and Jonathan takes the worst of the aftermath for him. warning: homophobic language (but from already gross people) ||

Steve thought he’d read the signs so clearly. Jonathan had asked him to a late night movie, offered to pick him up, and grabbed his arm when the killer jumped out from behind the doorway. Steve thought he had gotten it all right.

Fuck, he’d thought it was a date.

Jonathan parked outside of Steve’s house, his hands sliding off the steering wheel and landing on his lap. He sighed and Steve could feel the “now what” hang in the air.

“This was nice, Steve.” Jonathan said. “We don’t typically hang out. It was good to just be out for a night.”

“Yeah. I had a great time, Byers.” Steve unbuckled his seat belt and turned in his seat. “Thanks for the popcorn.”

“Only because you bought my ticket.” Jonathan shrugged, laughing. “Fair’s fair.”

“No. Really. Thank you. This was… This was really nice.” Steve could feel his words dropping off, his hands tightening around his sleeve cuffs. God, why did Jonathan somehow look better in dim, shadowed light? It made his eyes brighter and his wonky smile far more endearing. Steve didn’t know it was possible.

“Anytime, Steve.” He reached over and squeezed Steve’s arm, just below his shoulder. Shoulder. Steve should’ve known.

“Hey, Jonathan… Can I ask you something?” Steve muttered, placing his hand on top of Jonathan’s.

“Yeah, absolutely. Need me to recap the plot of our movie again?” He teased. Steve wasn’t sure if he had laughed. The nerves were eating him alive.

Steve didn’t have a question. Not really. Well, technically, he was introducing a new concept to their conversation but he didn’t want to say it– not really. But he still wanted to ask. Suggest it, in his own direct way.

With a quick inhale, rapid blinking, and a muddled prayer, Steve leaned in and kisses Jonathan.

In a matter of seconds, Jonathan had a question of his own for Steve.

“W-What are you doing?” He backed away slowly, sounding almost pitiful of Steve. “I think you read this all wrong, Steve… I’m so sorry.”

“N-No! No… No, it’s my fault. It’s… No, don’t– I’ll see you at school, Jonathan. I’ve gotta– okay. See ya.” Steve fumbled for the car door, yanking it open and nearly tumbling into the grass.

“Steve! Wait!”

“No! It’s fine. I just, I’m tired! It’s a school night we should. Yeah. I should go!”

Jonathan watched Steve run all the way up to his door, but didn’t get the privilege of watching any of the self-criticizing sobbing that occurred in the late hours of the evening.

God, Steve had never felt so stupid in his life. Thinking Jonathan Byers was into him? Thinking Jonathan Byers was even gay, first off, big mistake. Steve had been making mistakes since the morning bell that day and drug his sorry ass all the way to midnight with a streak of horrible missteps.

Worst of all: outing himself in a parked car– his first parked car with a boy– and immediately being told he’d read it all. wrong.

That’s all he was, huh? All wrong.

At school the next day, the mistake followed him. Just like Jonathan did.

“Hey! There you are, I’ve been trying to find you! I wanted to talk.” Jonathan caught Steve by his locker, grabbing his shirt sleeve.

“And I don’t really want to talk.” Steve hissed, trying to turn away. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“It wasn’t a big deal, Steve. Really.” Jonathan said loudly, trying to pull him back in without outing his business to the hallway. He looked at Steve earnestly, allowing Steve to cut off the conversation there if he truly wanted.

The thing was, Steve did want to talk about it, but he didn’t want to be known to be talking about it. Admitting he needed someone to just acknowledge that he was attracted to other men– and not threaten him with a switchblade– was like admitting everything within him had been accepted as well. But he hadn’t. Steve was still nursing the fresh wound– both figuratively and literally– of coming out to himself. Needing to be heard felt unbelievably selfish to Steve– especially if it was to the man he’d kissed without fucking asking.

But really, Steve wanted to talk about it. He needed to just say he was absolutely not straight and that he was sorry.

“I really thought…” Steve bit his lip and stepped up to Jonathan again. They leaned against the lockers, trying to look inconspicuous. “I thought you were coming on to me… I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s fine.” Jonathan was too cool with it, Steve thought. Like, the last time someone was this cool with it was because they were trying not to throw their temper– and the dining table– through the roof. “It wasn’t a bad, uh,” he paused as other students passed them, giggling to themselves. “not a bad first, honestly.”

“… first kiss?” Steve cocked an eyebrow.

“with a guy, Steve.” Jonathan shoved his arm teasingly. “I’ve kissed girls before.”

“Had me fooled.” Steve felt comfortable enough to snap back playfully. Jonathan was still smiling, and that was a weakness Steve always leaned into.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly prepared.” Jonathan said, blinking with faux surprise. “Let me know, next time you’re going to ‘ask me a question’.”

Steve ducked his head and covered his eyes with his hands. “I’m sorry you had to witness that. I was a complete dork. God, I’m embarrassed. Kill me.”

“Hey, don’t sweat it. I thought it was endearing.”

“Don’t say that.” Steve sighed, letting his hands drop. “That sounds like hope.”

“Sorry.” Jonathan said solemnly. “I really am not like that, Steve. I’d tell you if I was.”

Steve didn’t want to argue with Jonathan, to point out that his friend had created an other by accident. He hadn’t said that was “like Steve” or even “gay”. He said “like that”. Like that. Some unnameable sin. He was comforted and only half mortified. The other half came when Tommy came gallivanting down the hallway, his friend Lewis in tow. Steve rarely spoke to Lewis but had seen him in his neighborhood. He apparently lived on the other side of the street, but Steve didn’t care to fact check.

“Oh fuck this guy.” Jonathan groaned, resting his head against the locker with a thud. He’d been spotted which meant he couldn’t walk away without the fear of being chased down and pulled back for more belittling.

“I’ve got it.” Steve said, clapping him on the arm. It was instinct. He still felt guilty. Jonathan had said no. He wasn’t like that. He wasn’t all wrong.

“Well well well, if it isn’t Hawkins’ biggest lovebirds.” Tommy laughed, clapping his hands together.

Steve turned his head and looked around at the thinning crowd before staring at Tommy. “What are you on about?”

“Catching a little alone time before lunch, huh, Harrington? Byers being a sweet little lady for you?”

"Quit talking shit and spit out what the fuck you mean.” Steve snapped harshly, righting himself on his feet. All the doubt he’d had rising in his throat suddenly sank down to his stomach.

“Lewis here saw you two last night.” Tommy thumbed over to his friend. “Saw you feeling up Byers in the dark. Trying to get a little action wherever you can, huh?”

“Leaving Nancy turn you into a Nancy, Harrington?” Lewis jeered.

“Shut you fucking mouths. You don’t know what you saw.” Steve tried not to act disgusted. He wouldn’t give those idiots the satisfaction.

“I know what I saw, Harrington. Two shadows never get that close unless–”

“It wasn’t Steve.” Jonathan said suddenly, turning to lay flat against the lockers and face both groups. “I kissed him. It was me.”

“Jonathan,” Steve hissed quietly.

“I took him to a movie and… and I thought it had been a date. It was a misunderstanding. It wasn’t Steve.” Jonathan told the lie in its entirety, not disparaging any part of its kind intentions. Jonathan really didn’t mind.

“How could you mistake Harrington for a fairy?”

“Are you blind, Byers?”

“Probably.” Jonathan shrugged, sighing. He wasn’t insulted, absorbing every sharp edge of their words before they hit Steve. “Side effect of being gay, I guess.”

“You better watch out, Harrington. Don’t let Byers touch you– you might catch it–”

“He’d only be so lucky.” Jonathan quipped, lifting his eyebrows. “Move along, dickheads.”

“Hey, I didn’t ask for your demands, freak.” Tommy shouldered Jonathan, slamming him against the lockers.

“Hey! Hey! Let’s not…” Steve stopped, his hand resting on Jonathan’s chest. His heartbeat was so loud but so slow. It was speaking to him, but without any fear driving the call. Steve would never know it for real though, he knew. He’d never feel it against his hand, warm and pounding, jitters shaking them both to their bones. “Let’s not get suspended before lunch. Again, Tommy. Come on. You’ve only got attendance working for you on your college applications.”

“Keep your fucking hands off of me, Byers.” Tommy spat, shoving Steve into Jonathan. “Good luck with the poof, Harrington.”

Lewis, for good measure, shoved Steve again. His head nearly missed clocking Jonathan’s and breaking both of their noses. But neither were quite bothered; they’d been that close before, thanks to Steve’s idiocy. Lewis and Tommy stalked away and left Steve to stumble back, gawking at Jonathan.

“Why did you do that?”

“I don’t care if they think I’m gay.” Jonathan shrugged. “That rumor won’t reach anyone important.”

“Yeah, but–”

“Your dad knows everyone here.” Jonathan said shortly. “I’m not letting your life get ruined like that.”

"I– Jonathan, you didn’t have to do that–” Jonathan would be opening himself up to treatment that he wouldn’t even understand. Steve wasn’t sure if it was helpful or ungodly stupid.

“My mom is never going to hear that lie. Only person who could ever is Will, but he’s gay so he’s not going to care.” Jonathan pushed himself up to his feet and brushed himself off. “It’s okay, Steve. I’d rather you be safe.”

“Thank you, Jonathan. S-So much.” Steve stood awkwardly, his arms lifting and falling back to his sides. “C-Could I hug you?”

“I would love that.” Jonathan laughed, pulling Steve in.

He braced the back of Steve’s head with his hand and squeezed his shoulder tightly. It was a full embrace. Steve couldn’t feel Jonathan’s heartbeat anymore, but he could feel the lift of his smile against his cheek. And honestly, that was better. It was a dream Steve never thought to have. He had a best friend– like a real one– and knew Steve was somewhere in the middle of every confusing post-pubescent feeling available. Steve had a best friend that would risk everything for him– because Steve had risked it all over one stupid, heart-aching impulse.

“I love you.” Steve blurted, tightening his arms around Jonathan’s waist.

“Back ‘atcha, Steve.” Jonathan clapped Steve on the back before pulling away gently. Steve was mortified, but Jonathan seemed to hold nothing against Steve– just his jacket lapels in his hands.

“W-Wait. Your brother’s gay? Little Will?” Steve sputtered, running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah.” Jonathan nodded nonchalantly. “He wrote me a note the other day. Told me the whole nine.”

“So your mom really wouldn’t care.” Steve hoped he didn’t sound jealous. It really was just disbelief.

“No. Not at all.” Jonathan laughed, shaking his head. “I’m pretty sure she’d be confused why we were telling her– ‘it’s none of my business, Jonathan. Just be happy and safe’”

“She’s said that?”

"She found my freshman project on biblical allusions in literature and thought I was becoming a devout Christian, but I figure it applies just the same.” He started walking down the hallway, knowing Steve would follow. He laughed again and Steve couldn’t help but chase the sound. “But I know it isn’t the same for you. I couldn’t ask you to fess up to those idiots like that.”

“I could’ve just lied.”

“You could not.” Jonathan shot Steve a look, smirking. “You’re a terrible liar, Steve. Like. The worse.”

"I’ve been acting straight this whole time.” Steve said, shoving Jonathan and sending him wobbling back toward the lockers.

“Okay okay! Maybe you can lie a little. But, not then. That would have to be boldface denial. And that’s harder, Steve. It’s better if I just took the heat off of you. I mean, tell people whatever you want, but at your own pace, alright?”

“You’re a really great friend, Jonathan.” Steve confessed. It felt intimate to admit between two men, but it was a platonic statement. Steve had never felt this close to anyone, in any respect. He hoped Jonathan understood he really did love him, in all ways. Even ways Jonathan couldn’t. And that was okay too.

“You aren’t half bad either.” Jonathan wrapped his arm around Steve’s shoulders, bumping his side jokingly. “Not a half bad kisser either.”

ao3

[justatiredghost]

Unsolved Academy Ch11 - End

Klaus and Dave run a Buzzfeed Unsolved-style tv show and they’ve just gotten engaged. (Since the plot is now essentially wrapped up, I’m marking this fic as complete. However, I still have some ideas that I might add as bonus episodes later)

“Just so you know,” Dave said. “I seriously considered proposing in some super fancy restaurant.”

They were holding hands as they walked home from their adventurous night out, their steps slow and casual like they didn’t want the night to end, both of them wearing their rings. Klaus raised their clasped hands periodically to suck on what little candy remained on his RingPop despite the awkward angle. Dave’s was already gone. 

“And how exactly did you think we would be paying for that?” Klaus asked, laughing against Dave’s shoulder.

“Now, see, that’s the beauty of it,” Dave said, raising a hand as he laid out his scheme. “If we’d conveniently forgotten our wallets, surely they’d simply let us go. We’d just gotten engaged after all! It’d be kind of a dick move to accuse us of anything or demand payment. I decided against it though, I’d feel bad not being able to leave a proper tip.”

“Amazing,” Klaus laughed, leaning into him. “Man after my own heart.”

By the time they made it back to the house, enough time had gone by that it could charitably be called early morning. Ben was already up and eating breakfast like a responsible adult, no doubt getting ready to head to class. Klaus was still full of too much energy and excitement and didn’t waste any time.

“Ben!” he exclaimed, bounding up to him and holding up his hand. “Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, look! We’re getting married!”

“About time,” Ben said with a smile, looking truly happy for them. 

“Wait, why don’t you look surprised?” Klaus asked, immediately suspicious when Dave blushed crimson and avoided eye contact. 

“Your fiancé there actually asked for my blessing,” Ben chuckled. 

“What?” Klaus said, drawing out the world, and he couldn’t help but laugh, wishing he could have been there to see it. 

“What? I don’t know how these things work. I never thought this sort of thing would apply to me so I never really paid attention.”

“You are too adorable,” Klaus said, pinching his cheek.

“Did he propose with the RingPop?” Ben asked. “I thought it was a nice touch.”

“Oh yeah, and check this out, you’re never going to believe this,” Klaus held up Dave’s hand to show off the plastic ring there as well. 

“Klaus also got a RingPop to propose with,” Dave explained. 

“Oh my god,” Ben laughed. “You have got to be kidding me. You guys really are ridiculous.”

Klaus beamed at that, finding Dave’s hand again and squeezing tightly.

“Come on,” Dave said to him. “We’ve been up all night, I think we’ve earned some sleep.”

“Good idea. See ya, Ben, good luck in class.”

“Sleep well,” Ben said, smiling and shaking his head as he watched them go. 

-

“Klaus Katz,” Klaus said dreamily, hand up in the air as he examined the ring on his finger as if it had a diamond on it. He rolled over on the bed and scooted closer to Dave, taking his hand as he did so. “I think I like the sound of that.” 

“Hmm, I dunno,” Dave chuckled, so close that their noses bumped.

“What? I think it’s perfect. It might as well be alliterative and over the top. Go all in, baby.”

“Over the top is definitely you, but what about Dave Hargreeves?” Dave countered.

“Aww, have you been doodling that in notebooks?” Klaus asked. “Maybe with little hearts around it?”

“Maybe,” Dave said evasively, grinning.

“Adorable. But really, you don’t want to take that name,” Klaus chuckled. “I’m fine with leaving it and all of Reggie’s legacy in the dust.”

“Is that really what you want?” Dave said, voice thoughtful as he ran a hand absently through Klaus’ hair. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, fuck your old man, but it’s not his name I’m taking. It’s yours. It’s the family you and your siblings are making. You took all the shit he dumped on you and you’re turning it into something good. A real family. And I’m honored to be a part of that.”

He extended Klaus’ arm so he could run his thumb gently across the umbrella tattoo there. Honestly, Klaus would have gotten it covered up with a different design a long time ago if he hadn’t found the entire thing so hilarious; a ‘fuck you’ to dear old dad, having his symbol on his greatest failure, and wasn’t Klaus just the perfect representation of how the whole Umbrella Academy business had turned out? Quite literally in the gutter. But Reginald was dead and this didn’t have to be about him any longer. 

After they’d saved the world, Klaus was actually truly glad he hadn’t gotten it covered or removed. Sure, there was still a lot of pain there, but Dave was right, they were making this their own, repairing their relationships and building the family they’d never had. And to represent that, he and his siblings had gone out and gotten the old faded tattoos touched up, tweaking the design to be their own, to represent something else. Something new. 

None of them had really bothered to put it into words but Klaus supposed it sort of existed as a representation of a promise to try to do better by each other, to make sure none of them had to feel so alone and helpless again. And this time, Vanya was a part of it. Not because she had powers now but because she was their sister.

“But you don’t need to keep the name to keep your family,” Dave continued. “So if your dad is all you think about when you hear the name, then by all means, ditch it. It’s just, I know how hard you’ve tried to keep me away from everything he did and how glad you are I never had to meet him. I just don’t want you to give anything up for me that you might regret.”

“I’m not going to regret anything with you,” Klaus said, placing a quick kiss to his lips. 

“Good. If you’re happy, I’m happy. Because you’re my family.”

“Oh my god! You are too sentimental, you know that? I’m way too tired for you to be this sappy,” Klaus laughed, burying his face in Dave’s neck.

“I can’t help it, I get sappy when I’m tired,” Dave said. “Really this is your fault for keeping me out all night.”

“Maybe that’s because I secretly like it,” Klaus said. 

“We could always abbreviate. Katz-Hargreeves. Hargreeves-Katz? I guess we have plenty of time to work it out. When are we doing this anyway?”

“Oh, right,” Klaus said. “I’d been so focused on the asking part that I completely forgot that it’s not over, we still gotta do the actual wedding. When did you want to do it?”

“Fuck, I don’t know,” Dave laughed. “I also wasn’t really thinking that far ahead.”

“We could stick to the plan,” Klaus suggested.

“Yeah, save up, rent a place, then I guess save some more for some actual rings that are a bit sturdier than cheap plastic? We could probably use our average income to figure out how far away that’ll be.”

“Uuugh, math,” Klaus groaned. “Math is for morning us.”

“It is morning. And besides, I know you’re secretly great at math.”

“It’s for ‘after sleeping’ us then because I am not so secretly exhausted.”

“Sounds good,” Dave said with a laugh. “As for the actual wedding, did you have anything in mind for that? I’d be fine with just going to a courthouse and getting the paperwork taken care of or whatever. I don’t need anything fancy, just you.”

“That’s very sweet but you are missing the perfect opportunity for an excuse to put on a wild party,” Klaus pointed out. “And Pogo would probably pay for it.”

“Oh shit you’re right.” 

“Besides, you can’t tell me you never dreamed of being able to have a traditional Jewish wedding.” 

“Aw, has someone been doing research?” Dave said and he looked much too fond.

“Of course I did, babe,” Klaus said, bringing his hand up to frame his face, brushing his thumb fondly across his cheek. “It’s important to you. So? Do you want that?”

“Yeah, actually, I think I do want that,” Dave said, smiling. “I never really thought it would be an option for me so— yeah. Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for?”

“For this, for thinking of me even when I forget. Just for everything. You’re my dream come true.”

“Oh my god, stop,” Klaus said, beaming and maybe even blushing a little as he hit Dave with his pillow, but not very hard. Dave was about to retaliate, the two of them sitting up for a better angle, but Klaus suddenly thought of something and raised a hand. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, I just had an amazing idea! What if we got an elephant?” 

“What? Is that even possible?” Dave asked, lowering his weapon, looking curious but suspicious. 

“I dunno but it would be pretty awesome. Come on, it’s your special day, live a little! What else could we do?”

“Okay, how about this,” Dave said, hands out like he had something huge. “An elephant wouldn’t fit, but what if we went somewhere with a ball pit?”

“I’m intrigued, please continue,” Klaus said with a grin, chin in hands.

“It’s suddenly become my dream to see Diego in one. Can you imagine?”

“Oh my god, yes,” Klaus cackled. “We have to do that now. And I’m not above tackling him into it if necessary.” 

“I’d ask if you think we could get Five too but that’s probably pushing our luck.” 

“I guess it depends if you want to die on our wedding day or not.”

“Point taken.” 

“How about Luther instead?” Klaus suggested.

“It might take more than the two of us to tackle him in though.”

“Ben will help. But we gotta be careful or people might catch on the third or fourth time we tackle someone.” 

-

It felt like something huge had happened, even though a proposal didn’t actually change anything between them. Their day to day was the same, but there was just something so official about it all, it just reinforced the fact that they had done it, they had found love, a partner in life, and they were overwhelmingly happy. 

Both of them went into Vietnam thinking they had nothing, that their lives were virtually over, and now, after somehow surviving and coming out the other side, it felt like their lives were just beginning. This was so much more than either of them ever expected to have and suddenly they had a future to look forward to. Together.

Thanks to the success of their channel, they were able to move out sooner than they’d anticipated. They found a tiny apartment, just like they’d talked about, and even if it wasn’t the nicest, it was still utterly perfect. This was theirs. Their home. They stood there side by side, an arm around each other’s waist, perhaps a dozen boxes full of their belongings strewn about.

“We did it,” Dave said, voice full of awe. “Holy shit we did it. We really are adults.”

“Debatable, but we already signed the contract so they can’t kick us out now,” Klaus said gleefully. 

“I mean, they can, but never mind,” Dave said. “Hey, we can do whatever the hell we want in here! What sort of childhood dreams do you want to fulfill? We could get a hammock if we wanted.”

“Yes! And we need a pillow fort! And lots of hideous decor!,” Klaus said.

“I know it’s only one floor,” Dave said excitedly. “But do you think we can fit a slide somewhere in here?”

“I don’t know, but we’re gonna try,” Klaus said. “And obviously we gotta make it all as gay as possible.”

“Hey, Klaus?”

“Yeah?”

“Love you.”

“I love you too.”

It was so strange for Klaus to be standing in the middle of a home he could actually call his own with the man of his dreams in his arms. He’d lived on the streets for so long, he’d gotten so used to just drifting, never having a place of his own, and the only place he had been able to call a home, the place he’d grown up, was anything but. It had been full of so much cruelty and loneliness. 

But this? This was theirs. And they would make it everything a home was supposed to be, full of laughter and love, where they could both be happy and live the lives they always wanted, that they could be proud of. He hugged Dave a little closer, letting him rest his head against his shoulder and he couldn’t stop smiling.

“Wait,” Dave said. “We’re gonna have to unpack all this shit.”

“Fuck. This is gonna take forever.”

-

(Author’s note: apparently I spoke too soon and I’m not done with this yet, bonus chapter here)

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, once.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Five (29.41% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twelve.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

No matter how many times I watch this, I’m always surprised by how excellent it is. If any other future Marvel film wants to be ‘the best’, this is the movie it has to beat for the title. 

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Natasha asks about the ballistics on the weapon used against Fury, and Maria responds. I’ve heard people argue that Natasha was not asking Maria specifically and therefore this does not count, but since Natasha clarifies a detail of Maria’s response (to which Maria responds again in order to confirm), I definitely think it qualifies. I have allowed a pass for far, far less in the past. 

Female characters:

Natasha Romanov.

Peggy Carter.

Maria Hill.

Sharon Carter.

Renata.

Male characters:

Steven Rogers.

Sam Wilson.

Brock Rumlow.

Georges Batroc.

Jerome.

Jasper Sitwell.

Nick Fury.

Alexander Pierce.

Aaron.

Arnim Zola.

Senator Stern.

Bucky Barnes.

OTHER NOTES:

They start this movie by having Steve go for a jog and make a new friend, with a conversation ensuing that is by touches casual, light, humorous, insightful, serious, and sobering. It’s a pretty weird way to launch a much-anticipated superhero comic-adaptation action movie sequel, to be honest, but it’s also rock-solid character establishment - for the never-before-seen Sam Wilson, and for Steve Rogers whose mental state and coping skills in the modern era are kinda an open question at this point - and by getting us on level with Steve’s day-to-day (rather than Captain America’s, which comes after) they’ve immediately prepped us for a story in which this character confronts and reassesses who he is and what he stands for at a core level, and not just in a symbolic/legacy kind of fashion (a la Tony Stark). It may say ‘Captain America’ on the tin, but this is Steven Rogers’ story. This is a fantastic and well-condensed first three minutes of this film, before they fly off to deliver the action sequence we may well have expected to have received up-front. 

Oh yeah, also this opening scene involves jogging around the Washington Monument, which is not a subtle detail, but I can dig it. If they’d had Steve draw attention to some Major American Landmark at some point in the movie and make a patriotic declaration of some kind, then I’d cry foul, but as-is the use of Washington DC as a setting is the hardest they bother to hammer the AMERICA button. The absence of self-fellating patriotism which I appreciated so much in the first film continues to be a virtue in this one. I do dig.

Remember how I really love it when people get hit and fly off the screen? Steve just kicked a dude off a boat and I made the dorkiest ‘hee hee!’ noise ever. Sure am glad the only reason anyone knows about that is that I just told y’all, and not because anyone actually heard me.

One day, we’ll stop getting these kinds of gratuitous butt shots of female characters in tight clothes. But it sure ain’t this day.

In a world of equal-opportunity sexualisation, this Cap-butt would be forgiveness enough for the aforementioned offense. But it still sure ain’t that day, friends.

Other reasons to love that opening scene: they low-balled Sam’s counseling skills to us by having him quickly identify the best way to speak to Steve and to engage with him (as Steve, again, not as Captain America; that’s the key), and that’s what allows Steve to bond with him enough that, put in a tight spot and not sure who to trust, he shows up on Sam’s doorstep later in the film. Really tight characterisation and dynamic-building.

ALSO, Steve’s adventure to the Captain America museum exhibit reminds us all of what he’s lost - specifically, Bucky Barnes - and contextualises his encounters with Sam Wilson within the emotional landscape of Steve’s desire for close male companionship, highlighting the need which compels the formation of that bond while also accentuating the sense of Steve’s present isolation and uncertainty, robbed of any understanding confidante (the bittersweet reality of having Peggy Carter still alive, but losing herself to Alzheimer's, really hits that one home). Again, Steve’s emotional landscape is actually a vital part of the story of the film on both character and plot levels, so there’s a LOT of great show-don’t-tell demonstration in the interconnections of all these scenes, PLUS they’re doing the good work for all the other characters involved AND reminding the audience of the score so that the film can continue to draw from the past as the movie continues, without losing any viewers for whom this might be the first foray into the Captain America story. This movie is just...really well put together, guys. It’s a little shocking, how good it is.

Winter Soldier intro is too cool. Not a pun.

Steve takes a chance and asks his neighbour out for coffee; she declines with a soft no; he accepts even-tempered and assures her he won’t trouble her any further, and she lets him know that he’s no trouble and there’s no hard feelings. It’s all a very painless and respectful navigation of boundaries, and taken on face value (ignoring the part where she turns out to be an undercover SHIELD agent, and everything which unfolds from there), it’s a welcome example of how easy it is to take rejection graciously. Guys, be the Steve Rogers that women want to see in the world.

I want a metal arm. I don’t want to not have my current arms, they’re fine, but in an abstract version of the world where you have things purely for cool points, I want a metal arm.

The fight choreography in this film is great. It’s good watchin’. 

Also the soundtrack is top-end. 

“...Specimen.”

The movie didn’t need a hetero kiss thrown in there, though. I sure wish there wasn’t a random kiss in there.

“The answer to your question is fascinating. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it.” 

Urgh, why Senator Stern gotta show up, be a pig about women, make his little Nazi declaration, and leave? The answer is, he really doesn’t gotta. You know what’s good shit? Not using misogyny and objectification of women to demonstrate that a bad guy is a bad guy, unless it’s actually a relevant part of the story. One day...

I can’t deal with how cool the Winter Soldier is. I’m almost embarrassed by how much the whole Silent Sauntering Assassin thing works for me.

Sam Wilson brings a tiny knife to a gunfight and still gets the upper hand because he’s perfect.

THE FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHYYYYY

The Winter Soldier is barely in the film in the first hour, and Bucky is referenced in the museum but not discussed by any of the characters, so there’s no lantern hanging on either the mystery of the Winter Soldier’s identity or the conspicuous reminder of a supposedly dead character (another reason why tying the memory of Bucky in so tightly with Steve’s present state of comfortless seclusion is important and clever). If you somehow managed not to be spoiled for it already, the Bucky reveal is a real kicker of a twist.

The degree to which I adore Sebastian Stan’s attention to detail in his performance has increased tenfold since The First Avenger. Dude has got nuances on his nuances.

The part of me that is emotionally susceptible to heroism is very moved by all the nameless SHIELD agents who stand up to HYDRA and die for it. 

I join the rest of the world in being really disappointed that what appeared to be Jenny Agutter’s councilwoman kicking Strike Team ass was actually just Black Widow. Sorry Natasha.

The Winter Soldier shows up and murderises a heap of pilots, and the part of me that is susceptible to heroism finds itself in conflict with the part that is susceptible to the Winter Soldier’s ineffable coolness (which is itself at odds with the part of me that wants Bucky Barnes to be safe and happy). This movie got me good.

Rumlow talkin’ some shit about pain and Sam’s just like “Man, shut the Hell up,” and it’s perfect. I love him.

I love this film. I mean I really, really love it. Like, I mean this is one of my favourite movies in the world. Like, if we were playing that ol’ game of ‘if you had to pick ten movies, and those were the only movies you were allowed to watch for the rest of your life’, this would be one of my ten movies. That’s how much I love this film. There’s so much to get into here, so much to enjoy: it’s light and easily-digestible enough for when you just want to be entertained by something that doesn’t demand too much from you, but it also has serious depths for when you’re in the mood to dig in. It has well-crafted action scenes, but also a strong plot with powerful emotional currents. It has wonderful, charismatic actors playing intriguing characters, and most of them are good eye candy, but none of them are just eye candy - there’s a lot of complexity to unravel in the motivations and personal narratives of the leads. It’s a superhero movie, sure, but it’s also a political spy thriller. And, to top it off, it’s not only an excellent stand-alone film, it’s also a fantastic example of how to do a sequel right.

Sequel-making can be a fraught business; you’ve got sequels that are basically just pointless retreads of the original, sequels that are so different they hardly count as sequels at all, sequels that are so busy trying to be ‘bigger and better’ than the original they become ridiculous, sequels so busy attempting to capitalise on the spectacle of the original that they forget to have any of the same heart that gave the original meaningful impact, sequels that ignore that the original had a plot and themes and that maybe that stuff was relevant to its success, etc, etc...there are lots of great sequels in the world, certainly, but as Iron Man 2 and Thor: The Dark World already attested for the MCU, it is very, very easy for sequels to go wrong. For this film, I think it goes without saying that I feel they passed all of the above sequel-killing quality tests with flying (low-key red-white-and-blue) colours, hence my adoration. But, just for kicks, lets talk about how they did it.

For starters, you can pretty much guarantee that this isn’t gonna be a pointless retread of Captain America: The First Avenger, since this movie takes place seventy years later and there are certain essential world elements that have fundamentally changed, such as technology, characters, and the fact that WWII ended a good while previous. But, that’s exactly how they make this story work as a sequel: they use the nature of change to give the film its shape, thematically, politically, emotionally, and in doing so they assure that everything which is different in the present builds directly from the past. Steve Rogers has not fundamentally changed, and that’s a critical anchor, considering he’s the titular character and all, but he is in a state of flux due to everything else that has changed, and his doubts inform the narrative landscape. This is not the world he remembers, and yet, as the plot unfolds and he digs into the conspiracy at his feet, there’s plenty there that is hauntingly familiar, because this is a story about how the past is still alive and kicking in the present, it has just updated to keep with the times.

It’s worth noting that despite Captain America making the jump from the forties to the modern age without any stop-offs in between, the film doesn’t linger on or wallow in the differences in his world in any strict sense - even Steve himself (in that EXTREMELY well-crafted opening scene with Sam) is somewhat dismissive of the specifics, because he’s not dwelling on the oh-woe-things-have-changed, he’s just trying to get his head around it, adapt, and move forward (and the practical realities are easy enough, but the emotional facets? Yeah). The thing is of course, no one else shares this problem with Steve; they’ve all been around, variously, for the parts in between, and the story is still concerned with the context of the world which made all of its characters what they are, and particularly with the war that came after WWII, the war within which HYDRA reseeded and began to grow anew: the Cold War. In particular, it’s the ‘70s/’80s era Cold War, built into the political-thriller superstructure of the film itself and driven home most overtly by the Winter Soldier, heavily Russian-coded and steeped in the potent psychological horror of brainwashing, but there are other signifiers littered across the story as well. There’s former-KGB agent Black Widow, and the reference she makes to WarGames, and there’s Arnim Zola frozen in time by the ancient computer system which now acts as his ‘brain’, and then there’s the stroke of subversive genius in the casting of Robert Redford - the positively Captain America-esque blue-eyed-blond hero of many a seventies Cold War political thriller - as our primary villain, working within the United States government for the benefit of his secret European-originating agenda in true foreign-infiltration style. Of course, we can adapt all of this to fit the radicalised terrorism and technological paranoia of modern times (and those elements are alive and well in the text with the surveillance-state fears represented by the helicarriers), but the historical timestamping is important to the trajectory of the film; times change and things grow increasingly subtle and complicated, but the core dilemmas that call people out to fight are instantly familiar. In that sense, Steve Rogers hasn’t missed much at all.

The war that calls Cap to arms this time around may be more subtle than the openly-fought battlefields of WWII, but it is no less global or insidious; the new ‘improved’ HYDRA may not be led by a literal Nazi who peels off his own face, but the cold political calculations of Alexander Pierce are much more frightening for their realism (an aspect of the film which has become increasingly prescient for the modern era since the movie was released), and the fascist supremacist dogma that compels these villains to attempt to reshape the world with the blood of millions is drawn from the same poisoned well; this is an escalation of the same enemy that Captain America faced before, only much closer to home. And while the passage of time has benefited the old evils in allowing them to entrench and fester and craft re-branded, more socially-accepted versions of themselves, it has not been so favourable to the positive familiar things from Steve’s past: it has claimed Peggy’s memory, and rotted SHIELD beyond recovery. And then, there’s what it’s done to Bucky Barnes.

Fake-out character deaths are a major staple of the superhero/comic genre, and not one I love, since it tends to take the power out of apparent-death scenes and leaves the drama feeling contrived, and while the Bucky reveal is not entirely free from that cynicism, it sells itself well on delivery. For starters, it packs a wallop in additional drama instead of just neatly undoing that which already existed (Nick Fury’s ‘death’ and reveal, on the other hand, is more in the classic line of cheap and inconsequential), and it ups the personal stakes for Steve in exactly the same way as Bucky’s ‘death’ did in The First Avenger. Crucially, the fact that Bucky is the Winter Soldier doesn’t alter the wider narrative in any convenient way, such as providing Captain America with the key to stopping him or resolving the other conflicts of the plot through his connection; the Bucky reveal reconnects the story to Steve’s emotional journey, which is exactly where it started before Shit Got Crazy - there’s a good reason they spent the first half hour of the movie on charting Steve’s mental state. There’s a sharp division between Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier, despite them both inhabiting the same form, and it’s a mirror of the division between Steve Rogers and Captain America: regardless of all assumptions to the contrary, the two are mutually exclusive entities. ‘Captain America’ is not a person, he’s a symbol, and he’s manipulable in that way, he can be propagandised, his image and actions are a tool turned to the purposes of others at the expense of the human underneath; Steve recognises this (and has since the first film), and he holds this secondary persona at a remove and does not define himself through it. This is what Sam’s keen social instincts pick up so quickly in the beginning: treating Steve as Captain America is the wrong approach, it fails to connect, because Steve is not the uniform, Steve has doubts, Steve could give up the shield; Steve is a person. Bucky doesn’t have the same luxuries, in opportunities, in company, or in the cognizant ability to define his own identity, but even without the personal attachment of their history, Steve is uniquely positioned to understand the difference between the Winter Soldier and the person buried beneath the title. If it was not Bucky, specifically, the visceral emotion of the mirrored experience wouldn’t land quite as strong, but either way the Winter Soldier is the realisation of Steve’s deep-seated fear of being made a puppet, an unthinking enforcer too heavily indoctrinated into patriotic subservience to recognise the despotism that has replaced his idealism. 

I said at the top that this is, ultimately, a Steven Rogers story to which ‘Captain America’ is an accessory, and not the other way around, and that’s a fact at the heart of what makes this film work - on its own, and as a sequel. The fore-fronting of Steve as a character in his own right and not just ‘Captain America’s real name’ was key to avoiding any cloying patriotism overriding the narrative of the first film, and it’s doubly important now as both Steve and the Captain America brand re-situate outside of their original context. It’s easy to strip back the specific trappings of Captain America and still have this movie function just right, because for all the action and intrigue, it is essentially a character piece about Steve Rogers figuring out his place in the world and reclaiming the moral compunctions which have been presumptuously attributed to the lofty symbol of his alter ego, and not the struggling reality of everyday life. Captain America is what he is and how he is not because it sounds good or because it makes for positive PR or because it’s nice to have legends from the good ol’ days; Captain America is the embodiment of scrappy little Steve Rogers’ grit and determination to live up to what he believes in, come Hell or high water or the gravest of consequences. Steve begins the film at odds with himself, unsure if there’s a place for his shameless idealism within the mess of modern life; he’s going through the motions of being Captain America, but he’s uncertain of what it means to him at this point, or where it’s headed. He finishes the film having gained something vital: a mission, but it’s not a professional job for Captain America, it’s a personal mission for Steve Rogers, and that’s much more important. Captain America is just an idea; Steve Rogers is the reason it matters, no matter what war, what time, what place, or what flag.

[yourkeeperoftherunners]

Novice [1]

Plot: AU Your neighbor summoned a demon for a good time, except he somehow overshot things and landed in your apartment. (Despite the lack of a pentagram.) He keeps showing up and oddly, he makes it a point to stop by after he’s done with her.

Rating: PG-13 (Language, implied sex, incubus mythology)

Characters: Incubus!Jungkook x Older Female Reader, Riley OC, plus mention of other members.

Notes: I am not an expert on demonology. This was based off a comical dream I had about someone accidentally ending up in my apartment when in reality they were looking for someone else. (The figure in the dream wasn’t a demon per se but a rookie individual that wasn’t human who appeared in places without using the front door.) Eventually there will be a take on this plot with RM as the incubus – it will be a different universe from this one.

Please no reposting anywhere!

[2]

“HOLD THE ELEVATOR!”

You blinked as you looked up from checking your phone, pressing the button to hold the elevator doors open for whoever yelled. Once you saw the familiar face come into view, you were wishing you let them close on her.

“Fuck these are heavy!” your neighbor whined as she slipped in. She dumped the books onto the floor and rubbed her arms as the doors closed.

You snuck a peek at the book titles and frowned when you saw the subject matter. Now, you had planned to take this as a silent elevator trip up without any verbal exchange between you and your neighbor Riley, but the books piqued your interest.

“I didn’t know you were into demons and angels,” you offered.

Riley tore her gaze from the floor and nodded as she stacked the books neatly by her feet. A quick glance at her face told you that she must have finally stopped sobbing over her dumb ex. You didn’t know her very well or her ex, but when they broke up, the whole building seemed to know in one way or another. Perhaps you were being heartless, but you really thought the girl needed to grow up and refine her taste in partners. You had a gut feeling that the last boyfriend was into drugs or the mafia, judging on his appearance and how secretive he was with his phone.

“Have you seen how hot some of the demons are?” she asked. “I mean, no wonder they’re luring us with promises and deals! Hell, I’d fuck a group of them if I could!”

You only nodded, trying to keep your face neutral. You wished the elevator would go faster already – all you wanted was to cook dinner, take a shower, and relax. When the elevator made the ding sound, alerting you that you made it, you pressed the open button and held it open for Riley to haul her books out.

She collected them and walked out of the elevator without a thank you. You exited a few steps after her, rolling your eyes. Parent of Year Award to her folks for raising this hot mess of a young adult with no manners!

“Dating apps are so last year, so I was thinking, how can I get back into the game?” she babbled.

You muttered some kind of fake polite thing before grabbing your keys and inserting it into the door. You raised a hand to bid her goodnight, slamming the door shut before she could ramble more nonsense.

“Demons?! Is she okay? Does she need a counselor?!”

“She’s young and dumb Jin,” you grumbled as you tossed in some spices for your pasta sauce.

“Or maybe she’s possessed,” he shuddered on the other end. “That does it, I’m bringing a cross next time I visit you! She’s lost her mind!”

“Fine, bring your cross,” you sighed. “Jin, forget her. She’s a stupid brat who didn’t learn that romances will burn out if you don’t compromise with your partner. Not to mention she has no class – you should have seen how she walks past me with her old ritual books without a simple ‘Thanks’ cause I held the door. That’s the last time I ever hold the elevator for her.”

“I don’t know Y/N,” Jin murmured. “You’re not scared she’ll end up like that little girl in The Exorcist?”

“It’s not going to work whatever she’s planning,” you said. You paused when the lights overhead began to flicker and you turned off the stove.

The lights went from bright to a faint glow, then back to bright for a few times. Then everything went dark, which made you groan as you fumbled around for the emergency flashlight in your drawer.

“What was that?” Jin asked.

“Power outage,” you grumbled as you switched the light on. “It’s probably some idiot hitting the generator by accident – it happened a few weeks ago.”

You waited a few seconds before hearing the generator kick back in and your lights were restored in your apartment. “Yeah they just came back on. Hey, I need to go – gotta get the pasta going.”

“Okay, but just be safe,” Jin begged.

You hung up and turned the stove back on, placing a pot of water onto one of the burners. You put your phone down and leaned back against the counter, waiting for the water to boil.

You heard something that sounded like a poof and frowned as you strained your ears. At first you were prepared to dismiss it as nothing – probably the building showing its age. Then you heard a male voice murmuring something in a language you didn’t understand.

You straightened your shoulders, opened the closet near the entrance hall, and reached for the staff from your Halloween Rey costume, prepared to defend yourself. Unless your alarm went off thanks to the power outage, it sounded like someone was in your room.

You approached your door, pushing it open and the staff raised high. The light beside your nightstand was on, set to the dimmest setting. The lamp cast a soft light on the young man sprawled on your bed, making his flawless skin glow.

His eyes widened when he saw you in the doorway and his lips parted.

“…Whoa, you’re definitely not what I expected…I mean, wow!”

“Who are you exactly?” you demanded as you gripped the staff in your hands. “How did you get in here?”

The male pushed himself to a sitting position on your bed, tilting his head in amusement. His eyes fell on the staff and you noticed his eyes were an unusual shade of amber brown. “Are we roleplaying Riley-noona? I thought you summoned a demon for a good time.”

You raised a brow and began lowering the staff. Noona? What the heck?

“Um I don’t know what kind of dope you’re smoking, but I’m Y/N. If you’re looking for Riley, she’s a few doors down from me. By the way kid, you didn’t answer my question of how you got in here.”

His eyes widened and he looked around your room, before meeting your eyes. “You’re not…? Oh um, I guess, I guess that explains why there’s no pentagram on the floor?”

The bottom of the staff tapped the floor and you stared dumbfounded. Pentagram? Then you remembered Riley’s armful of weirdo books she had been lugging and it hit you.

Unbelievable, you thought. That little snowflake actually managed to get her psycho summoning crap to work! But why the Hell did he end up...?

Remembering the incubus asked you a question, you nodded and he winced, standing up and bowing his head in apology. The sheepish reaction and politeness threw you off – was this guy really an incubus? He struck you as being too polite, almost too innocent to be one. But Riley hadn’t been far off with saying that demons were capable of looking beautiful or innocent to lure in their victims.

You heard him mumble sorry to the floor and you dismissed it with a shrug of your shoulders. You propped the staff up against the adjacent wall and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Well you’re in the right vicinity – I’ll show you where she lives,” you sighed as you motioned for him to follow you. “We look nothing alike by the way – you’ll see that soon. She’s probably waiting for you to screw her brains out. Think she said something about a bad break-up?”

The incubus blew out a breath of air at that comment and shook his head. “That’s sad. I’m sorry I messed up, but thanks – I’ll leave you be Y/N.”

You held the door open for him and shrugged. “Don’t mention it. Question though, are you new to this whole summoning thing? Cause most of the time the others are spot on with their arrivals, or at least that’s what I’ve heard in theory.”

“Don’t say that out loud!” the incubus whined, jutting his lower lip out. “Okay, yeah this is a big one for me, but it’s a fluke! Everyone screws up the first time, right?”

“Sure kid,” you mumbled.

He pouted at the nickname and protested, “Hey, I’m not a kid! I’m 21 and my name is Jungkook!”

“Sorry Jungkook,” you replied. “Habit I guess, it happens when you get older.”

“Oh you’re older? How old?”

“Older than 21 that’s for damn sure,” you sighed. Your stomach growled and your patience was wearing thin. All you wanted to do was eat and never see this punk again. You were grateful you were further down the hall from Riley and didn’t have to suffer listening to her scream.

You began to close your door, leaving it open a crack for your arm. You gestured down the hall, noting that Riley was a few doors down.

The incubus stared at the door you pointed out and bowed, murmuring his thanks to you.

“Don’t mention it kid,” you muttered as you slammed the door shut.

[little-klng]

Baldi’s Basics Theory

I’m sure everyone by now has heard of this new indie game called Baldi’s Basics due to the fact that almost every popular Youtuber has played it, including Markiplier. Markiplier, as far as I know, is the only major Youtuber to have gotten all endings and has played quite so much of the game as many like to reference in theory videos. I’ll cut to the chase, this is a theory post about something i developed in about 15 minutes. I spent a long while debating on whether or not to even post it due to the nature of the game. I wondered if people would make fun of me for making a whole theory on some silly game about a horror-filled schoolhouse that looks so thrown together, but my dear reader, strap on your seat belt and pull out your notebooks because this here is gonna be a bumpy ride

Now that you’re here, you’ve shown interest in what I have to say. Thank you for that.

On to the theory. Now, what is it that i have to go on here for any theory? Well, everything! This isn’t gonna be another ‘it was all a dream!’ theory because thats tired and worn out and completely erases all the work gone into the game (and any story for that matter), but understand it’s going to delve into a concept of that vein. Let’s lay out what we know;

-The game takes place in a bad CGI/2D schoolhouse setting from those old learning games in the 90′s. -The main antagonist is Baldi -All other characters look like horrible caricatures of what could have/should have been better modeled/rendered people/students -All characters in the game exist solely to harm or distract the player in some way -At the end of the game when you win, you’re met with a distorted voice asking you to do worse next time because they need to- That’s that. The end of the dialogue devolves into static there. But that gives us a hint of what to do next

If you just play the game as normal. you’d never really come across some pretty major points and plot. The game just dumps you in this setting of a weirdly laid out school and lets you run wild. But if you didn’t know any better, you would miss out on the fact that the only reason the player is in the school is to get your friends notebooks that he left in the school. Weird that no character, not even you, makes any mention of that. The whole premise of the game is that you collect notebooks, but you have to solve math questions for them that you always have to fail due to some questions being glitched out and unsolvable.

With the addition of update 1.3.1, the game now has a Secret Ending that you can only get by beating the game after getting 100% of all questions wrong (meaning Baldi chases you faster than ever. Go watch Markiplier do it, it took him 9 hours). But once you beat it, you’re met with the screen telling you to go to the principals office for tips on how to do better. Once there, you’re met with a long distorted Baldi in one end of the room and a mysterious character on the other. His name is Filename2 and he looks like this

Look at this dude T Posing out here. An absolute icon.

Filename2 is just what hes labelled as in the files, and his name is never actually spoken. Some theorize him to be the players friend from earlier, and honestly so do I! When you enter the room he says the following;

"Oh jeepers, you found me. Good job, I'm glad you found me, because I have something kind of important to say. *beep* It's about th-the game... Don't, *beep* Uh, Eh. Don't *beep* Don't, just, *laughter* this is.. This is probably looking pretty ridiculous *beep* Don't tell anyone about this game. You wanna.. Don't, don't bring attention to yourself. Destroy it, destroy the game. Destroy the game. Before, it's too late. *beep* What I'm saying is... is get out of this, while you still can. *beep* Just, don't.. don't know that you probably know I'm not saying that I'm trapped inside the game, no, that would be ridiculous. No I'm.. *beep* I can't... this is... I'm not... the game was... kind of...*beep* I got really corrupted. Yeah, I... *beep* I don't know what to say. Just... Just trust me. We gotta... *beep* * This isn't... This seems... I me-I mean it seems... ohh. *beep* They'd know I.. They intentionally... that's...I guess... I can't- They can't tell you, and some... stuff is classified. I can't say it. *beep* I wish I could say more. I can't talk normally. I-it's corrupted. There's...*beep*...Yeah...*beep* Just... close the program. Destroy it. Never come back. *long beep*"

...Yeah

There are a few things to take from this

-Filename2 is not ‘trapped in the game’ like most horror cliches. that would be ridiculous -He needed you to fail every single math question and still beat the game just to say all this. Weird. -He REALLY wants you to just delete the game and pretend you didn’t see it -He REALLY wants you to escape the game while you can -The game is ‘corrupted’ somehow, but he can’t really get into it because its ‘classified’ and ‘they’ would know he told you

There is something/someone preventing Filename2 from telling you anything more important than ‘get out of here while you can, don’t worry about me’. Throughout the audio, theres a constant stutter and some laughing, but more prominently the sound of shuddering and heavy breathing. It sounds a bit like crying to me. (warning to anyone about to go listen to the audio themselves, the beeps are REALLY loud and the speech is REALLY quiet)

Lets put him to the side again while we analyze the rest of the school

This doesn’t really look like any school I’ve ever been to, how about you? The weird hallways made to look like the stretch on and on and the actual classrooms being so far away from each other makes it feel less like a school and more like a hellscape prison.

About the schools inhabitants, they also feel like a hellscape prison.

We already know about Baldi, so lets see the other antagonists;

Aside from Baldi, Filename2, and yourself, there are 6 other characters that roam the halls. Each one has a simple description of themselves in the Principals Office.

Gotta Sweep;

What do you do when the school opens in 7 hours and you haven't hired a janitor? Hire a broom! It sweeps everything!

As you might imagine, Gotta Sweep is a badly condensed jpg image of a green and grey broom that spends its time, once released from the broom closet, roaming the halls loudly proclaiming its need to sweep. It moves quickly, sweeping everything in its path in the same direction it is. It stops for no one and nothing.

It’s A Bully;

Here at Here School, we believe every good school needs a good bully! That's why we have this kid!

It's a Bully appears as a poorly-modeled humanoid figure with an orange ellipsoid for a torso, blue cylinders for limbs, and small, peach-colored balls for hands and feet. He has an incredibly distorted and malformed face with dots for eyes, a gaping mouth with orange lips that clips into where his neck would be, a wide asymmetrical nose and brown hair. He doesn't wear shoes, and he has a brown text floating next to his head that says "THIS IS A BULLY" in all-caps. His pose appears to be in the middle of a run cycle. He spends his time blocking hallways and demanding that, in order to pass through, he must take one of your items. He can, however, be sent to detention should the principal wander by.

Playtime;

Despite her poor eyesight, she's always looking for a playmate! "Let's play!"

This character is a poorly drawn animated little girl whos eyes and hair are animated scribbles. Her poor eyesight has nothing to do with her characters mechanics, as she spots you easily and traps you in a game of jumprope. You can cut her jumprope with safety scissors to escape the game entirely, but doing so is considered bullying and you can be sent to detention for it.

1st Prize; 

Won 1st Prize at the Science Fair! Loves hugging people, rushing towards anyone it sees. Sadly, it turns super slowly.

If you liked Gotta Sweep you’ll definitely like this character. Hes a robotic hugging machine that barrels down the hall towards you, and pushes you until the hallway ends. He, unlike Gotta Sweep, turns very slowly. He can occasionally accidentally push Baldi into you if you’re not careful, but you can use the safety scissors to cut his wires and make him spin in place for 15 seconds to buy time. Dunno why you’d do that though.

Principal of the Thing; 

If I see anyone breaking the school rules, I'll make sure justice is served! It tastes good and fills my tummy!

Now, the interesting thing here is that when you start the game, Baldi refers to Here School (the school you’re in) as ‘his’ school, even though there definitely is a principal. There are posters in the school listing off the rules, and all are pretty standard like “no running” and “no students in the faculty rooms” and being caught breaking these rules by the principal sends you to detention for increasing seconds. An interesting thing to note about this character is that his name is a play on words for the phrase ‘It’s the principle of the thing’, though I have no idea how to fit that into a theory. This guy is a mostly average looking guy, except that his face is slightly contorted and his legs are partially erased

Arts and Crafters;

Shy, and tries to be avoided. Doesn't like being looked at, and gets jealous at people with more notebooks than him.

This guy is the final character, and he’s only important once you have all 7 notebooks. This guy is a sock puppet that, when looked at, will dart back behind whatever wall is closest and out of sight. However, once you have more notebooks than him (7, as he has 6), he turns hostile. He runs at you with his cardboard mouth agape and teleports both you and Baldi back to the starting position, ruining your run almost instantly. 

And that’s everyone!

The most intriguing thing about all of them is that they all share one quality; some part of them is horrifically malformed. Something about them is just... broken or stretched or erased. The only one in one piece and animated is, albeit poorly, Baldi. Everyone, however, has a function and could definitely be described as real cliques and people. All of these characters read as how you imagine a person you’ve only ever been told about, but never really met. Especially if the person telling you about them was only telling you about the newest drama going around or the latest experience the person talking has had with that person if they’ve only had bad experiences with them.

And here’s where the theory begins.

These characters are all fragmented and poorly animated because thats sort of how it works in your head when you’ve never actually seen someone in person. How many times have you heard about someone over and over only to meet them in person and realizing they look nothing like how you imagined, or that they dont act the same as you’ve been told. But that’s because often times you’re only ever told about the bad someone else has done, and very rarely the special good things someone does. 

These characters are not real people, but they are based on the real people your friend knows.

Your friend told you about the little girl in the school with bad eyesight but loves to play jumprope. Your friend told you about the bully that steals his stuff. Your friend told you about the principal and how he gets people in trouble so much. Your friend told you about his science fair project that won first place. These people are not people you know, but you’ve heard about them. You probably don’t know their names because your friend didn’t refer to them with names. Just with minor descriptions.

Why do they look like that? well I don’t imagine that, if one were to look at how your brain pieces images together based on description alone and makes them a real thing, they would look so good either. 

Every single character makes sense in this context. All but one- Baldi

Baldi, unlike every other character, is a whole animated character with lines that hint not-so-subtly that hes in charge of Here School, despite the principle. He’s an entity that is almost entirely immune to most things and hes the first thing you see as you enter the game. He’s also the last. But despite this, his weakness is the rules he follows. He tries to answer the phone, he abides by the walls of the school, he moves at a pace synonymous with the whacks of his ruler- if you’ve ever been to an old catholic school, you know that sound well and truly means power over others.

Baldi is a malicious entity that has trapped you in his Hellscape Prison constructed entirely from your subconscious memory. Personally, I think the map looks that way because the Player has been homeschooled and hasn’t actually seen much of the inside of a real school, but that’s up for interpretation. Baldi has manifested this area to fit the descriptions that your friend has fed you of this area you were already thinking about on your way to gather your friends notebooks. You were meant to be dumped in this world having forgotten your initial quest and forced to work on bare instinct. That’s why you don’t think to question the fact that, despite the fact that school is over at this time (”your friend forgot his notebooks and he needs them back before ‘eating practice’...” supposedly an after school activity Actually revolving around cooking and food prep. Maybe your friend works at a restaurant after school and Baldi doesn’t quite understand what that means due to his demonic or fae nature?) you’re still expected to finish all these math assignments just to leave. 

Now, why doesnt our brave and ultimately doomed protagonist just leave? Well, my dear reader, I’m sure you’ve heard of those old tales of Fae that trick wanderers into eat fruit or taking things that aren’t theirs to trap them for eternity? That’s right, the notebooks are what trap you in the game.

From the first moment you finish the first notebook scot-free, you are trapped, having taken a fae-world item to fulfill your own quest. Now Baldi can give you those impossible-to-solve questions and the notebooks regardless of anything else. You’re trapped and theres nothing you can do about it.

No matter how many times you get a Game Over, you’ll keep trying. And you’ll keep going. You won’t ever really escape

“But the, where does Filename2 come into play, Mona?” I hear you dejectedly cry into the night, “You didn’t forget about him, did you?” Oh you naive little thing... he’s what ties this whole thing together!

You see, Filename2 is you! Well, maybe not you but, he’s what remains of you. While you spend eternity trapped in a world built from your subconscious, your conscious self remains, though glitched out and corrupted. You aren’t fully there, and if you knew that you might be able to escape, but if Filename2 told you that, Baldi would know. Filename2 is your door to safety and salvation...  but unfortunately...

Baldi hears every door that you open.

[ligbi]

Animorphs Liveblog #1

I borrowed Animorphs from some friends and liveblogged my thoughts for them. I thought some tumblr folks may enjoy them as well. Animorph content warning for fucked up shit. For kids!

The Invasion 1996 Jake is a Lizard, and this weird CG render of him in a shoe is actually pretty damn good for the time. I forgot about the flipbook corners. 

Everything I tell you is a lie, but you have to believe me The Andalites promised they'd rescue us, and knowing what I know I do not believe that a smidge Marco and Jake already already friends, Tobias is a new, awkward guy, Rachel is Jake's tall cool cousin, and Cassie is black and 'mythical' So begins the heteros Tell me more about Jake's brother Tom and how you two have become distant Cool one sentence into each girl and I love them both already. Fuck the patriarchy! But also being a girl in public is scary Ha. Ax murderers.at the construction site. Ax. They're 13 right? Babies but also I call bullshit on towns with walking distance malls Marco was right Jake the idiot Shit wait which one dies how bad will I regret reading this? I get Tobias man. Looking at that sky. Also Cassie just "ufo" Marco is looking to make a buck off a ufo sighting. Okay Jake is a dweeb so says Marco Oh no baby bird you're clearly the best dude curse eager bird men We all just stood there like fools Hey the ship is burned and some of it has been melted! Also blue lights because all technology has glowing blue lights Jake's family has a minivan (oh god these are small children), and Marco wants to be on Letterman. Letterman Oh god right it's '96 you have to Go Somewhere to Call Someone. Wow 96 was I was 5 I just turned 27 Technology Rachel wants to Solve the spaceship and Cassie points out Star Trek is monolinguistic. As with all series, Girls. Blue deer-taur with no real mouth and extra eyes on stalks with scorpion tail. I've been meaning to re-read Wrinkle in Time, but I think when I first read that at like, 10, I pictured those blind creatures like this Please note, I recall fully reading one (1) of these books ever to completion. Rachel turned into a squid in that one Yes Ax does look like he can kill. I assume he does at some point Jake is almost crying upon seeing Ax, who already feels like a friend. Due to time travel and reincarnation, I am scared to find out why this is Yes I Am Dying. Oh aliens. This is not Ax, is it? Whoops Cassie's family are vets. And she's ready to jump into helping Hey whoever you are, just saying, it sounds like you're implying literally every other alien in the universe wants to kill us. Which is fair but Yeerks. Rat sized gray-green slug parasites ...How does this Andalite (right?) know none of them are controlled by a Yeerk right now? Marco is a bit of a pragmatist Oh jeez lingo uh let's see: Yeerks have Bug Fighters, a Blade Ship, Dracon Beams which destroy things to a molecular level, Andalites have a Dome Ship and Z-Space is a thing Expected Yeerk takeover time: A year or less Yikes Hey Jake fuck you get the box Ugh so straight Got the cube and hey look a hologram of their family WOW MEAN Ok so most (all?) Andlaties have a morph power to Alteans! blend in and hide also we acknowledge they are young Cassie and Tobias for best kids right now Two red streaks for Yeerks Bug fighters these are He looks at Tobias and feels weird like a chill. Normally I'd call Gay but predestination/time-travel/something is up ...How do they know how long two Earth hours are? Oh shit Visser Three. And he can Morph that's uh legit concerning? How'd he get that and what horrible things have he done? Has? Have or has? Also, what WILL he do? Third black ship, and what's his alien touched Tobias' head and did/conveyed Something Oh cool construction equipment just pfffff'd out because a giant battleaxe ship with scimitar wings Was this ship designed by the Hork-Bajir, who have blades on their wrists elbows knees and tails, and t-rex feet and falcon-beaked snake heads with three horns. Who are good people but all (?) controlled Taxxons are Big centipedes with lobster claw hands, jello eyes, and a top mouth that's a pointy circle Again, I demand quick satisfaction as to the positive vibes they get from Andalite1 Ah Visser Three is a controller of an Andaltie. Who was that Andalite? Prince Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul is a mouthful So if he takes over enough places, Visser will become One. Who's the current One? Oh cool we're being targeted because we're over-populated compared to other species Humans behind the Visser? Is it ya'll? Please be ya'll I love me time-travel angst Now V3 is a big Monster and we're blowing up ships and I know this is a construction site but where is anyone else? Aw Jake you wanted to help. That's dumb but aw Death count: 1 Are Taxxons the ever-hungry aliens I've heard about? Or do the Yeerks just think it's fun to eat a dead guy? Oh cool those were Human Controllers and Jake seems to know one. I assume it's big bro? Most people are crying and Macro pukes I HEAR THAT FRIENDS Split up? Jinkies Rachel knows bad words. WHAT ARE THE WORDS K.A.APPLEGATE. TELL ME THE FORBIDDEN LANGUAGE (I assume Son of a Bitch from context but shout out to Rachel if it's Fucker) They can kind of speak English? Ghafrash? Hobo man: maybe dead? Probably dead Jake's strongest real memory is of aliens smiling at him. Get it boy-you're a child get nothing please So you're not close with Tobias, but you know he has a cat named Dude. Also: Cat is named Dude I love it BTW Jake, noticing another dude is Glowing? ;) Oh dang so Tobias doesn't know his Dad, Mom just left him around ten, and we're on a coast, with his aunt living on the other because his uncle is on this one How long does it take to morph? This sounds like a concerning amount of time Multiple minutes. Alright. Nightmareish. Side note: semi-crouching warped human with long butt and stubbed feet stage of morphing in the corner here Watching someone morph into a cat is giggle inducing. I will cherish these times won't I Telepathy is a good, easy answer to lots of questions about weird powers and communication Two year old string in a messy room. Boy Ha naked. Also the cat instincts mean ...oh dear this is gonna cause problems Why does Tobias get to decide Jake is the leader also why Jake? Not why like bleh why him but plot-wise something is the pre-meditated choice Homer the dog. You watch The Simpsons boy? Taking the dna puts the animal in a trance and it doesn't hurt to morph Bones feel like they should hurt yeah that sounds right Scrapping sounds are wonderful Right you're not just A Dog you're The Dog you took from Awww you're not a bad dog Jake. And Tobias is a good kid. And damn it I did not want to right about the brother. Cassie has a farm and big brother Tom is in a club called the Sharing He's obviously a Controller, but also "It's just sports" I'm pro-anti-sports but anti-cult clubs UGH WE HAVE TO RECYCLE Jake pls Wildlife rehabilitation. Convenient to touch wild animals also a cow Plus zoo mom so let's all be giraffes Dang kids with their fireworks, taking over humanity and making cops somehow worse Marco is scared and picky and right poor kid Who also has reasons? Tell me more Mom body was never found, Dad can't be around people. Ouch Cassie is not only cool enough to have clothes, but can control the morph enough to play centaur "We want them real bad" jesus yeerk cop, tone it down will ya? Hey you look like your brother- come to our yeerk cult Help endangered species? You mean like *eyebrow waggle* Is Tobias/Rachel a thing? CD game we were going to play on my computer. Wow Hey not-Tom, why would these kids have read anything in a newspaper? Wow this is shamelessly manipulative and creepy and thanks Applegate for teaching kids to be reasonably creeper out by overly forceful and manipulative folks Jake honey Marco is right please stop living in denial Let's remind Tobias, who is already a hawk, about the time limit Feathers made of wax. This boy is going to fly too long in the sun And then he was naked because boys don't care about that too much I guess?  So as long as the DNA isn't bad for any reason, the state of the animal doesn't matter. What about dead animals? Let Tobias be superman. Poor kid Yeerk pools have Kandrona rays, and Yeerks have to go back into a pool every three days. Yeerk home sun particles Protect this child who can't fight for himself but will fight for the world Time to infiltrate I guess? Gotta sneak into this night volleyball game They live near a beach I suspect this is Cali, like all kid lit about young teens unless it's from the UK Can you grab a morph from a friend if they've changed into a whatever? Kids and Adults? Smidge weird Poor actual Tom trying to protect Jake They Would notice a horse wouldn't they? Tobias hun no please don't make excuses I know being human sucks but come on Oh course the Assistant Principal is a big bad Convert or kill. Yeesh Evil cops also Cassie being Black makes vague threats uhhh worse Let Jake be a dog! Ok but just pet all the animals? Lizard yes but deer? Wolf? Buzzards? Wildcat? I just climbed into my locker all cool like playing it chill because everyone climbs into lockers all the time This is a very small lizard The animal brains being way more in control is fucked up Cool so you just almost was stepped on, lost a body part, and have a still semi-alive spider inside your body after having seen an alien be eaten and knowing your brother is alive but controlled and may be sent to kill you. For kids! And of course the brain slug pool is under the school Do ya'll remember that Nick show about the bully who like, was about to die or was cursed, and he was a dog and only one kid could hear him and no one remembered him and he had to do a bunch of good stuff to be human again? Locking children into animal forms is a special kind of 90's torture I think Rachel/Tobias is a hard thing and good because someone needs to love this kid my word I appreciate Marco though. Hey shit head this is a dumb plan but you're my best friend so I'm in or what fucking ever. Asshole I liked Cassie's little speech about Mother Earth Marco named the band. Marco is a good shit, but what does it even mean that Jake's always been a Lizard? Are you calling him cold-blooded? Flaky? A bug eater? No family guest passes for the zoo? I don't know what Bush Gardens are but is this that? Roller Coasters and Monkeys Big Jim the gentle gorilla. Also bless Jake for riling Marco up Let's drive! hits wall Go right says Jake. Marco goes left You had a chance at a rhino Marco has a dark and tanned face Male siberian tiger. I assume if you turn into THAT animal, you can be a boy turning into a girl hyena or a girl becoming a boy turtle right? He's majestic and doesn't seem like he cares about you as long as you don't run Lol ya'll almost died from a tiger? Sure you did Jake's mom is a writer who is opposed to any TV but her own. Dad is a jokester. Is it Jake's mom who dies? I know a mom dies Dad is a doctor Cassie where are you did you get home from the zoo are you okay? Okay Rachel and Tobias are just a thing already ok. Oh cool the cop has Cassie I fear for her We are Controllers. We are here to... Kandrona, Please give us the girl for... evil? Great plan If you're so advanced, why don't you have elevators- me at Akio So large underground city, small pool, cages 10 people per, aliens, construction equipment Can Tobias communicate with Cassie from where they are? Yeahhhh people volunteering to be controlled by evil alien slugs sounds sadly right. And hey, you get to watch TV Poor Tom. And Rachel is ready to fuck shit up. One alien of each two kinds dead, and a human controller flung somewhere to maybe live? Elephant and Tiger time And Marco is a gorilla Later you would think about this moment WHY WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN TOM'S FREE AND WE'RE SAVING CASSIE RIGHT? Can horses stairs? V3 thinks they're Andalites. Ouch. Also where's Ax? 8 legs and 8 arms with 3 fingered claws, and 8 heads, tall as a tree. Vriska's aliensona Oh good and it shoots fireballs from its mouth Mouths Jesus Marco just twisted a guy in half and his guts spilled out. Alien guy but still Gotta love half morphed elephant ladies with shriveled trunk faces Something happened to the cop, and Cassie won't say what. Hum Tom is captured again. But you all saves One (1) human woman. It's a fucking start kids. And Tobias done fucked up. Wonderful. End Book #1. 

Oh cool now I can finally start listening to Morph Club, an Animorph pocast by some cool kids

[regrettablewritings]

Dating Wade Wilson Would Include

AN: This is going to be a bit more perverse than the other Would Includes because, hey, it’s Wade.

Being very confused when he starts talking to no-one and looking elsewhere tells the audience about how awesome and badass he is

You will get used to it, you have no other choice really

Sometimes you will also jokingly throw in something you want him to narrate (like how amazing you think he is or something that makes you seem wonderful)

This will always, without fail, result in Wade turning back to no-one the audience so he can gush about how wonderful you are

Chances are, you met because he was out doing as Deadpool does: wrecking havoc getting the job done with a few unpredictable setbacks on construction, property damages, and people being alive

You won’t even let him convince you otherwise, but you might’ve been a bit scared when you first saw him

“Might” meaning you definitely were -- the dude had just shoved a katana through a thug when he noticed you, frozen in place, and practically vomited up hearts and butterflies

He then had the audacity man-sized balls of courage and boldness audacity to waltz (skip) right up to you as if nothing had happened and try to strike up a charming conversation

Once you got over the initial shock and scrambled away, he wanted to follow but wound up having to stay behind and deal with un-aliving some other punks

You’re not even sure how Wade tracked you down after that because all he ever offers is “the plot demands it”

Once you got over his beyond bizarre mannerisms, though, and allowed yourself to let your guard down a bit and talk to him, however, you found out he could be pretty harmless in regards to those he wanted to establish a connection of sorts with

“The most pain I cause to you is making your gut hurt from laughing so much! . . . That is, until we finally get into BDSM --”

Once he got over the pain established by the slap to the face, he asked if you wouldn’t mind applying that same treatment to his ass.

Geez, Wade, keep it in your jumpsuit.

“No!”

Crude jokes

This can go a few ways, depending on how comfortable you are with Wade’s sense of humor

If you, too, are a connoisseur of crudeness then congratulations: You just found out what you guys spend an uncanny amount of time doing when not doing . . . other things

If you’re not that into it, Wade will respect this but still lapse into it out of habit. It’s a part of his character, though, so don’t expect him to completely forgo it. He’ll just try to avoid using his alpha-level stuff and try to keep it at a beta level.

But if you humor him every once in a while and throw in your own nasty language, you swear you can see him blushing even through the red of his mask

Speaking of which, for as confident and bold as he appeared at first, you quickly came to realize that this was more or less a front to an extent when Wade refused to remove his mask

It would take a while for him to even so much as lift it up for you to see his infamous mouth

Honestly, there’s a possibility that he won’t let you see the entirety of his face unless an argument started up out of you, yet again, asking “what the big deal is.”

To be honest, you are startled. But only for a moment.

As you told him, “I’ve seen worse; usually on the people who’ve gotten on your bad side.”

He enthusiastically attempts to make chimichangas in celebration but winds up burning them on accident from being too eager

Putting his crayon drawings on the fridge

“Wow, I love the direction of blood-splatter in this one, Hun!” “Knew you would! I used a vermilion crayon for that part -- real delicacy amongst the Crayola Clan.”

Meeting Blind Al a handful of times, but mostly only in the brief stints where Wade actually takes you back to his place

Wade much prefers going to your place because it’s nice and cozy

And because your place has a stove and oven that have yet to be damaged by his cooking antics

And because at the end of a long, rough day of slaughtering, it feels nice to be surrounded by your scent and essence as it envelopes him in a softness he hasn’t experienced since his time before he became the Merc with a Mouth if you guys decide to get down and dirty, he gets to annoy an entirely new set of neighbors and avoid getting heckled at by Al. And on that note . . .

Sex: Once again, this can go a variety of ways, depending on your feelings towards the subject.

If you’re all for it (and have seen the movie), then you can have a pretty good idea of what you’re probably in for. Good luck and be safe.

If you’re not entirely put off by it but prefer to wait, Wade will be understanding (maybe even teasing and gently calling you a “precious little lamby-poo”). But he’s still going to occasionally test the waters. This will include walking around shirtless (especially after a shower), making loud and obnoxious yet still somehow appealing noises when he stretches or exercises, throwing in perverted jokes, asking you for porn recommendations, etc. However, he’ll keep it to a minimum if he feels you’re getting uncomfortable.

If you’re not that into it, if at all, Wade may honestly be put off. At first. Eventually, he’ll decide that while sex is something he very much enjoys, he also very much enjoys having you around to love and love him right back. Besides, that just means he gets to experiment more with toys!

Lots of pancakes and Mexican food

Just. A lot.

You’re gonna be crapping like a goose quite often, just sayin’

Arguments, while not necessarily common, still happen. And they’re usually the result of you accusing Wade of not taking things seriously

Wade’s entire approach to life relies heavily on casting humor in everything -- even if he doesn’t always feel it. But it’s a facade that’s helped him, if not other people, and he’s so used to looking out for himself that it just makes sense to keep on doing things this way.

Unfortunately, sometimes he gets a little too out of hand and can feel immature.

Fights usually end with you leaving to cool off and him stewing alone with the voices and the audience. Eventually, one or the other (usually the voices) remind him that he’s not a lone wolf anymore and that he needs to consider other people again. To which he winds up having a montage about you and feels awful and oh my god, (Y/N), I’m so sorry, please let me treat you to some froyo and then I’ll let you tie me up and you can do whatever you want with me even if it means watching that shitty  Green Lantern movie with that punk, Ryan Reynolds, and --

You have to demand for him to get down from the Starbucks counter that he’s decided to give his proclamation and apologies from about ten times before he realizes you’re about to kick his ass

Fights coming from Wade, however, are when you know you’ve messed up. They rarely happen but when they do, 9/10 it’s about your safety

Yeah, it’s cheesy and cliche, but you know what else is cliche? The protagonist’s love interest getting hurt or killed because of him. And Wade isn’t about to go through that again.

He only really gets like this when a new threat has become present in the city’s underbelly, though, so for the most part, he’s cool

Learning your way around certain weapons

From his days as a regular-looking merc to the current days where he’s a merc who looks like he’d rubbed his face in a briar patch, Wade has been a master with weaponry.

He wants to make sure that you, too, can properly use them should the time come for him to gather up his allies for a climatic showdown at a warehouse or something

You don’t get it, but you go along with his lessons

To his glee, you take to guns pretty well once you get used to the kick

When you hit a couple of bullseyes in a row, Wade will not hesitate to tell you how aroused he is

You’re not as good with swords, but that’s okay: “We can be a tag-team, babe! You got the guns and I got the swords! We’ll be so fucking cool -- Holy shit, I gotta get you a suit to match. It’s gonna be hot!! . . . Both literally and, like, not literally. This thing is tight; you’re gonna sweat like a member of the Trump cabinet getting questioned by the press.”

Making . . . acquaintances with the guys at Sister Margaret’s. You wouldn’t necessarily call them friends but you have a pretty good feeling that if something were to possibly happen to you, a decent number of them would at least make an effort to have your back

Mainly because you’re dating Wade and therefore are friends with Weasel

If Wade isn’t around to be your partner in crime or vice-versa, Weasel is your stand-in.

As such, you tag-team loving insults at Wade from time to time.

Okay, your insults are loving; Weasel’s are about as brutal as a true friend’s should be.

You both stand as the Straight Men boring people to Wade’s hare-brained totally well thought-out thoughts

Meeting Colossus and Negasonic during one of Wade’s trips to the X-Men Mansion.

Wade insists that there are other mutants around the house, but there wasn’t enough in the budget for you to meet them

Colossus, while hesitant about someone like you being with Wade, is ultimately just glad that there’s someone around him to potentially keep him grounded since he can’t seem to get through to the Merc

Negasonic seems indifferent to you and even snarkily asks what’s up with you two and why you’re with Wade. But ultimately, she doesn’t think you’re bad. She even threatens a smile when you tell Wade to knock off trying to tease her.

Wade introducing Spiderman as, “The one I’d be with if you hadn’t bewitched me with that figure of yours.”

You try to forgo this and carry on a decent conversation with the other red suit-wearing hero

You and Peter are now friends and exchange texts often, catching movies when you’re home alone and bored and Peter has free time

This, of course, causes Wade to whine and flail like a jealous child and accuse you guys of friend-cheating behind his back.

The best way to silence this is to have a game night or movie night or invite Peter over for Taco Tuesday

Humorous conversations of every shape and breed

You ever woken up in the middle of the night wondering what unicorn farts smell like? If you don’t, Wade will. And you’d best believe that you’re going to talk about it.

No subject really seems to be off limits for you two.

Except for his past to a certain point.

When you guys first started talking, it threw you off and into a canyon by how brazen he was to talk about certain topics that most people would be horrified to even ask about. Eventually he got the idea that you weren’t entirely comfortable with answering some of them, however, and he attempted to lighten up. Eventually, though, when you got comfortable enough, you answered them and asked them right back

Becoming a pro at cleaning up messes -- specifically, blood

You’ve learned to budget to afford copious amounts of bleach and color guard and rubbing alcohol since getting serious with Wade

You tell him time and time again to stop coming into your apartment, thinking it’s okay to drip blood into the damn carpet, couch, or bed sheets but does he listen?

Does Wade ever turn down Mexican food?

You’re not one for sewing up deep wounds, however. You confirmed this after insisting such to him when he asked you to patch up a cleave mark to his chest. Her persisted, and you regurgitated. He apologized, and you had to go lie down on the couch which still smelled of bleach from the last time Wade had arrived.

Those rare but sweet moments where you guys just feel like a normal couple.

Wade is quiet for once and you two aren’t feeling up on each other, but just enjoying each other’s company. Your conversations are simple, but they don’t need to be complex for you to understand what the other is getting at.

Peaceful moments are a rarity for Wade, given his mutation and lifestyle. So there’s a special air about the room whenever these moments occur . . .

They are often broken (and rather quickly) but the smell of something burning in the oven and Wade scrambling up screaming, “MY TAMALES!!”

Nicknames galore between you two.

Wade, having almost no sense of self-censorship, goes wild with what he calls you: Pretty Princess, Unicorn Warrior, Player 2, Sugartits, Babe, Hot Stuff, Sweet Stuff, Beloved Apple of My Eye, My Darling (Y/N), Tootsie Pop, Baby, Sugar, Honeypot, You Beautiful Fool, and Reader (he never explains this one to you, only winks) to name a few. Honestly, you’re pretty sure he just makes them as he goes along because he’s also whipped out some nonsense ones from things that just happen to catch his eye like French Fries, Burrito, Fire Escape, Glow-in-the-Dark Limited Edition ACDC Poster (GDLEACDC for short)

You try to keep up, but usually wind up sticking to basics because keeping up with Wade can be exhausting: Honey, Babe, Bae, Daddypool, Wadey, D.W. (Double W), King Avocado, Chimichampion, Sweetie, Sweetums, and Sugarpants. You also call him Prince, but that’s for special occasions as you’ll see further below . . .

Laughter

God, you don’t remember laugh so much in your entire life!

Even if you and Wade don’t necessarily share the same sense of humor, the man has a gift: He can always find something or someway to put a wide smile on your face and make you cackle until your face, stomach, and even the back of your head hurt.

The laugh lines you begin to develop are what Wade finds the sexiest about your looks.

After dat sweet ass of yours

Pain. It’s inevitable. Because as resilient as Wade is both in personality and physically, it’s all due to a painful, ongoing process from which he will likely never be cured.

Usually, he’s fine: He can go days, even weeks without noticing the pain or even feeling it all together. He describes it as something that occasionally fades due to constant exposure to it, so he’s fine and dandy to go out, grab a drink, visit an arcade, kill a dude, take a jog in the park . . . You know, the usual stuff.

But other days . . . It’s bad

Other days, he can’t even get out of bed. The pain is excruciating to the point where even the tears that seep out sting

You want to hold him through this -- he wants you to hold him through this. But it’s a just plain bad idea.

The most you can do is be nearby him, make your presence quietly known, feed him soft, nurturing foods that won’t draw as much attention to how sensitive he is. He also will ask you to read to him. He says he doesn’t care what, but you’ve noticed he critiques less when it’s children’s fairytales.

You’re pretty positive that when you read stories about the prince saving a princess, he’s imagining himself saving you. Only he’s the way he used to look, and not some batter-faced bozo with a whole lot of problems on his plate.

You therefore make it a point to call him Prince when he’s in such a vulnerable state. You want him to know that you love him as is; to hell with those cliche fairytales and what they think beauty is! This is your story and you’re going to damn-well look like it, not having some beings from Mt. Olympus come down and portray you! (Though Wade would very much like to be played by Hugh Jackman. I mean, he’s not doing Wolverine anymore, so he’s got an open spot now, right? Right??)

Wade’s resilience helping him pull through the agony. And once he’s back on his feet, he’s quick to smother you with hugs and kisses.

Because even though he may seem to overdo it to the point where it may not appear genuine, Wade adores you, he appreciates you. He practically worships the ground you walk on, if in a way that only Wade could probably pull off and still seem charming. And he never wants you to doubt that.

Because you listen to him, you care for him, you stick by his side despite knowing exactly what he does and what it entails. You put up with him and his shit not just on a friendly level, but a romantic one and well and he sometimes has trouble comprehending it and has to talk to nothing the audience just to sort out his thoughts and conclude, yet again, that you’re goddamn amazing and he doesn’t deserve someone like you in spite of your insisting otherwise. (Of course, he’ll easily accept your argument that he does deserve you and tackle you with cuddles.)

And in this world, it’s you, him, the audience, and the voices. And if it all came down to it, Wade would and always will choose you to be the companion he wants to talk to the most. About everything and nothing, until the end of time.

[magicalgirlmascot]

Heya I don't mean to sound passive aggressive in any way, but I was just wondering why is it that you dislike Super a lot? I mean you're allowed to like and dislike whatever you want, and I'm in no way trying to change your opinion. I'm just curious as to why you seem to have a burning hatred for it?

Nah you don’t sound passive aggressive ^^ if you were you wouldn’t have acknowledged that my opinion is a valid one, you’re cool

I’ve avoided going into too much detail to avoid The Discourse, but essentially it comes down to a few main points: ships I don’t like, characters I don’t care about, pacing, terrible one-note characterization, and the fans.

I know a lot of that sounds really petty but with all my Sweet Home Alabama discourse yesterday are any of you surprised

I’m going to put my more detailed reasoning under a cut because boy howdy it is long and I have some Things To Say

Ships I Don’t LikeOkay this, honestly, is incredibly petty, and it’s not even the pettiest thing on here. But I HATE Trunks/Mai. I hate it. It is the worst ship that’s had the word “canon” sneezed at it in all of DB history, and that’s coming from someone who firmly believes Yamcha/Bulma was unhealthy for both parties. One of my rules for accepting writing commissions and requests is that I will not accept ships with an “aged up” child character in a relationship with an adult. (Aged up children in relationships with other aged up children are a different story, as they’re at least at the same stage of development, but that’s an issue for another day.) Trunks/Mai has the opposite problem: it’s an “aged down” adult character in a relationship with a child. You can argue about Future Trunks’s age all you want, but that changes nothing about kid Trunks and Mai. She’s in her forties. He’s nine at most. How is this not the creepiest thing in the world what the fuck.

Even with Future Trunks and Future Mai, it still grosses me out because it’s the same thing. Assuming the Pilaf Gang did (somehow) wish to be young again in the Future timeline (which...I don’t see how they could have, that doesn’t make sense continuity-wise, but continuity has never been DB’s strong suit), that still makes her way older than him. And if they didn’t, well, that’s just worse. Also how is she still that young looking.

Honestly the only reason I can think of for Toei/Toriyama to bring that into existence was so people would stop shipping Trunks with Goten and Future Trunks with Gohan. Which. I get it, you don’t like it, they’re your characters, et cetera, but could you maybe not have done it in a somewhat less creepy way? Dude. What 40-something wants to be in a relationship with a kid? Even if said 40-something looks like a kid? It’s creepy and gross and I hate it more than any other canon ship.

Characters I Don’t Care AboutI’ve heard a lot of people refer to Super as The Goku and Vegeta Hour and...yeah. DB’s never been great at remembering their MILLIONS of side characters (humans especially once Z happened) and Super doesn’t take enough steps to change that imo. Don’t get me wrong--I like Goku, and I...tolerate Vegeta, but characters who were once considered major players are relegated to backseat viewers again, and nobody can keep up with Goku except Vegeta sometimes (when previously most of them could at least hold their own). I’ll admit, I like the looks of some of the new characters, there are some who seem like they have interesting characterizations (like Kale.....though I’ll be the first to admit I’m biased as hell towards buff women). But Zamasu/Goku Black or whatever just seemed like a couple of shitty Hot Topic teens. I went to high school with people like them and they were annoying.

There’s just too much of a focus on a few specific characters while other characters get the shaft, and the new characters and plot points they bring up just...aren’t interesting. I don’t give a shit about yet another “gotta get stronger” plot you guys. Ugh.

PacingOKAY I’LL ADMIT this is the pettiest thing on this list but like...I’ve never liked the DB anime’s pacing. Ever. Remember how I used to liveblog DBZ? I got like 10 episodes in and got fed up with how long it took to get anywhere. Stuff that took like...a couple chapters in the manga took five half-hour episodes to deal with. And you’d think they would’ve learned in 30 years, especially since they don’t have to base everything off the manga now, but no, the pacing is still awful. And it’s not just the whole “Namek takes half a season to explode” stuff (although that is really annoying, and knowing the real-world reason for it doesn’t make it less annoying), it’s that every shot lasts longer than it needs to. You could cut the running time in half just by trimming the shots slightly. It’s bad, and I’ve always stuck to the manga because of it. It’s not that I’m a Manga Purist(TM) or anything, I just...can’t watch the anime.

Terrible, One-Note CharacterizationYou all know who I mean when I say this, but it extends to more than just Yamcha.

Videl’s character was absolutely decimated in this show. 18′s the only female fighter we have left anymore because of it. I once saw an argument saying that Videl not fighting anymore makes sense because she was traumatized by being killed by Buu, which okay fine fair enough, but 1) nobody said she had to fight in life-or-deaths situations, AT LEAST LET HER BE SAIYAWOMAN AGAIN YOU COWARDS, and 2) that doesn’t mean you have to get rid of her firecracker personality and replace it with the sweet, docile housewife type. We saw it with Chi-Chi...sort of, we don’t need it with Videl, too. Once a female character gets married in DB, they stop fighting (except 18) and stop being important to the plot (except Bulma...sometimes (remember when Bulma was the main character? Pepperidge Farm remembers)). Three times is a pattern, Toriyama, I’m just saying.

Goku even gets hit with shades of this. He’s not an idiot, you guys, he can read a dang grocery list. Yes, he’s selfish and simple and bad at communicating and often doesn’t realise what he’s done wrong until it’s pointed out to him, but he’s also a fast learner, a really good tactician (like. look at some of his fights in DB and early Z, those are some Good Tactics), and not a complete asswipe. We don’t get to see those good traits much in Super. He had no reason to not tell people the stakes for the tournament to get them to join. None. There was no reason to lie. Yes, his biggest flaw is his inability to communicate with his friends and teammates (COUGHS LOUDLY AND LOOKS AT THE CELL ARC) but Jesus you guys, his friends would have helped him if he told them the real stakes too? He didn’t need to lie? There was no point? I’m so angry?

The worst of it though is Yamcha. For the love of fuck, you guys, Yamcha has more characterization than just “guy who sucks at everything and has a thing for Bulma.” Like that’s some Funi dub shit there, not original canon. What happened to when he said he’d given up fighting in the Buu arc? Where did that go? You could have done so much more with that concept rather than have him still be overconfident in his abilities and slamming him at every turn. Even when he does get to do stuff, it’s obvious that it’s just a setup to make him fail so Vegeta will look good by comparison. It’s awful. The writers have such an obvious hard-on for Vegeta and they keep cutting Yamcha down. Those bits where he’s waiting for Goku to ask him to the tournament even though we all know he won’t? They’re not funny, they’re just sad. Also, on that note, why is Roshi there? Yamcha surpassed Roshi years ago, Roshi himself says so! I get that he wasn’t in the RF movie because his voice actor was busy, but they couldn’t have given a better reason than just Tien leaving him behind because he didn’t think he could keep up? At least have him sick in bed with a fever and wanting to go anyway and being forced to stay behind by a worried Tien or something guys, geez. And his VA was obviously around for that arc of Super, so what the hell.

(Yes I was salty earlier about Yamcha still fighting and shit but if you’re going to drop the “Yamcha retiring from fighting” plot point then at least DO something with it you cowards)

FansOH GOD, THE FANS. Not to say that people who dislike Super are perfect or ideologically pure (I once knew a person who bragged about trolling/picking on Super fans...we do not talk), but the people who do like the show seem to spend an awful lot of time yelling at us and telling people they’re not real fans if they like GT more than Super or don’t like either or whatever.

And of course the VegeBullies are out in full force over it, too. VegeBul gets a lot of screentime, and when fans of other ships (GoChi primarily) say “hey we’d like more content” they get shut down or yelled at. They demand more content despite already having more than anyone else at this point. Shut the fuck up and let me enjoy the fact that Tien and Yamcha stood next to each other again in peace.

But that’s getting dangerously close to ship war territory and I try to stay out of that. (It’s hard, because I’m a salty, bitter person, but I try.) I’ll also say Not All VegeBuls(TM) even though I shouldn’t have to because if I don’t I’ll get at least 10 angry anons in my inbox flipping their shit.

You know what the really sad thing is? When Super was first announced, I was mega excited. And I really liked the first couple episodes! But they veered away from making it the Martial Arts Themed Slice of Life Comedy Hour we deserved, they retold the same story the movies already did instead of just making the movies canon and continuing from there (thereby drawing it out way too much), and they just...fucked it up in general. I can’t stand Super and while I don’t expect to sway anyone’s opinion with this, you did ask me why, and I hope now you can understand.