#but ofc I do not know what that thing is and it's not like I'd be able to scrape myself together enough to actually achieve it anyway rn...
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strawberrycamel · 4 months ago
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ninjago seabound hurts. so much. what the fuck
#ninjago seabound#i think this might be the thing to get me drawing again#we shall see#also im very close to crying haha#she turned. into the sea. to save him#and like. the city and all their friends too but he was quite literally dying and the only answer was for her to become one with the sea an#and she#and he sees her after having the water taken out of his lungs. he sees her out the window and she sees him and they put their hands on#either side of the glass. and he doesn't yet know what she did. what it would cost#in the fight later. he sees her explode and takes on kalmaar with blind fury#and then she's back- as a dragon now- and she explodes again and comes back as a bigger dragon and#how can he think anything but good things? he knows what she did now but she's so strong. so invincible. ofc she'll overcome the odds#she'll keep herself together! she will. he has to believe that#and then she wins. and its all over. and everyone's saying they'll just have to get used to her watery body for now#until they find a way to turn her back.#she doesn't understand. she doesn't remember who she used to be. is actively losing the battle to retain her self#and they plead. all of her friends. her master. her Brother.#and him. Jay. her boyfriend.#and there's a moment. a single brief moment where she turns back.#she smiles and holds jay's hands. she caresses his cheek.#and just as quick as she came#she left. jay screaming her name as she dives back into the sea#and then the funeral. because what else do you call it but a funeral.#they call all of her friends and family. they pour seawater in an urn. they hold a service of sorts.#and i'd like to imagine each person feels responsible in some way. for not doing more. for not being as convincing to her.#some feel it more than others. Wu is- was her master. Kai her brother.#and Jay. Jay was her-#out of all of them Jay beat himself up the most. because what good is love if you can't convince them to stay?#woah sorry about that i was possessed by angst#also i feel like you could tie in Jay's abandonment issues with his birth parents here if that wasn't clear <3
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bunnihearted · 1 month ago
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im sorryyyyy i dont wanna be a mean bitch but genuinely i feel like im the one of only ppl who are actually alone bc i keep seeing all of these ppl complain abt how alone they are then they post a bunch of pics with their friend groups and they go on trips and celebrate their birthdays with friends and im like 😦?????????? im ngl i lowkey feel betrayed bc like yes sure we can relate on "feeling lonely" but ig at the end of they day im so sorry im not saying this to gatekeep loneliness or whatever but like u just cannot relate to what it feels like to not only feel lonely but also be alone and not even have people who want to spend moments with u. and feel and be like on your birthday you're alone. on your insta you're alone. irl u dont have ppl who even want to make plans with u. i know i know that everyone's loneliness is valid and you can still have partners and friends and feel lonely and that is valid i really do think so. idk i just feel so fkn alienated from everyone, including people who say theyre lonely - bc they still have ppl to talk to and ppl to be with and ppl who wants to be with them and consider them their friend lol.... i dont have anyone to take pics with or have groupchats with or go to concerts with or go for walks with and i dont have anyone to message abt stupid things or blah lahblahblah it doesnt even matter atp
#and like i am really really lucky that i have one person i talk to on a regular basis and have been for almost two years#and that he stills wanna be friend even if hes seen my insane person rants abt him on here#like genuinely i'd prob slowly wither and die without having had experienced talking to him#ig its not even only other ppl it is my avpd#if i just send a message thats like casual everyday talk between friends#im first freaking out abt it for hours bc i obviously deserve to DIE for even bothering them with a message#so even if i long for certain things its like well yeah i cant do that bc i deserve to die and im worthless useless and a bother and burden#and why would i force someone to waste time on me when they have ppl out there who are actually worth their time#i dont know#i just feel sad bc i checked insta and someone who talks abt being alone often posted pics of them celebrating their bday with friends 😭#and ofc everyone are valid to feel what they feel!!!! i know that!!!!!! it just hurts selfishly lmaooo#bc i am lonely but i will spend my bday crying in my room alone#like i have been for the past years#not even my own family wants to spend it with me#i talk a little abt plans w my mom and she acts like im holding her hostage 😭😭😭#so idk she'll prob agree but it wont feel great bc i know she doesnt really wanna spend time w me#anyway...... we're all alone as i get to hear all thw time#its just that most ppl who are alone also have partners and friends and family members or even a therapist haha 👍#i dont care tho its all good ^-^#also one of my old bully friends is marrid and just got her baby and she messaged me like hii how are u?#like what do u even want me to say.... cool... u have traveled the world u have found love u have made a ton of new friends#while still having your old friend group (that i got dumped by) and u even have your own kid#i am a fkn loser who should just die tbh#so yeah im doing great hahahha just gonna kms real quick 😸🙌🏻#but idc tho 😁
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agalychnisspranneusroseus · 1 month ago
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No you don't understand, Anne and Marcy third-wheeling Sasha during the dinner episode (and Sasha third-wheeling herself during battle of the bands) is so important to me. Anne and Marcy have come so far having left Sasha behind. They're happy and confident and strong and closer than ever, all because they were finally free. Because Sasha wasn't there to stunt their growth. Despite how much they love Sasha and how much they don't want to admit the distance helped them, it's true: Anne and Marcy were both victims of a toxic friend and they're learning to move on together. Ik it sounds like I hate Sasha because whenever I write about her I make her out to be a massive piece of shit but that's because... she kinda was! And I love her for that! I love these three, I love their story and their drama and toxicity (I was soooo happy when it was revealed Marcy wasn't as great as she initially seemed like - yes! The CONFLICT is CONFLICTING). Like yes marcanne is my obsession, I have marcanne brain worms, but I think one of the reasons marcanne works so well is because of Sasha. Their past, present and future with her have such a huge impact in Anne and Marcy's relationship with each other and with themselves. You can't separate these three and I love it, how easy it is to ship two of them without making it weird by leaving the third one behind (ironically, Sasha the Character is included by leaving Sasha the Person behind).
Marcanne to me is about two childhood friends living in a toxic situation healing together after leaving, only able to fall in love now that they are free and more comfortable with themselves and each other. They couldn't fully connect with each other before - not really. Anne didn't see the importance of listening to what Marcy had to say nor did she take it too seriously, and Marcy was simply not in contact with real people in the real world at all. None of this was Sasha's fault entirely, but she did third-wheel Marcy and she was possesive with Anne and was just a generally terrible influence on her, while reminding Marcy that, well, she didn't really matter all that much to anyone. Removing Sasha from the equation is not enough but it's a necessary step towards knowing each other better and the fact that they so easily became closer than ever just shows their eagerness to be together for real this time. Marcy's increased confidence and Anne's newfound empathy and admiration for her friend wouldn't have been possible with Sasha's domineering influence present. If they were to fall in love, it'd be because Sasha wasn't there to stop it.
I imagine that, once she finds out, she'd be furious, but mostly just devastated. Her friends only found love once she was gone. As if they think they'll be better off without her.
#amphibia#marcanne#anne boonchuy#marcy wu#sasha waybright#marcanne meta#my posts#i saw a lil drawing one time. it was anne and sasha kinda swordfighting#and anne was protecting marcy like holding her in one arm while pointing her sword at sasha w the other one#but it was like a sketch and in a screenshot alongside like 6 other drawings without links or credit or anything#but from the context of the post I thinkkkkkkk it may have been a doodle made by someone who worked in amphibia??#if that's the case I'd love to know. because i'd love to draw it#idk if I feel comfortable stealing some other fan's fanart idea tbh#but that tiny pixelated little thing was so adorable! i can't get the image out of my head#the CONCEPT of Anne defending Marcy from Sasha! a whole swordfight right there!#only believable if marcy is like injured or something ofc because she'd just try to like intervene to keep the peace. or escape. or try to#immobilize sasha peacefully#but if she's half-conscious or injured or something#(NOT inconscious because i want her to see the fight happen 👀)#oooooh boyy#anne choosing marcy over sasha! sasha realizing they REALLY are more important to each other than she is to either of them! marcy realizing#theres no hope for their friendship because sasha never wanted what was best for all of them and didnt really want her and anne to be happy#i needed a real marcy-sasha confrontation so bad i was so sad we didn't get one 😭 mostly I want marcy to realize sasha was horrible to her#maybe she's in denial maybe she's holding back tears repeating over and over again that sasha is their friend while anne softly tries to#talk to her. to make her see both she and sasha treated her like she was nothing. to make her understand she didn't deserve that#until marcy finally breaks and begins to cry ;-;#i have a whole fanfic in my head you do not understand
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piplupod · 4 months ago
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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
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crest-of-gautier · 10 months ago
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thinking very hard about eggstra work for chill season, i just have the strangest feeling that it'll have a charger + blaster in the line-up and that it'll coincide with reload's release just to laugh at me....
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campingwiththecharmings · 10 months ago
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me whenever someone gives me unsolicited opinions about myself:
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#thinking about the time a friend of mine did this#and she does this a lot bc she's older and ofc sees herself as 'more knowledgeable' or w/e#which hey sometimes she is#mostly i take her opinions with a grain of salt but she said something to me recently that just#idk it rubbed me the wrong way. and i keep thinking about it.#ider what we were talking about but somehow we got on the subject of romantic relationships#and i basically said i'm not opposed to one but i'm NOT looking. like at ALL. not even a little bit.#but if something happens someday great!#she proceeds to tell me literally right after i say this#that i should work on my appearance then because i'm 'a little plain'. not ugly or anything just...plain.#which hey i know already btw and it doesn't really bother me#i wear make up and am not against it at all. i think it's amazing to see what people can do with it tbh.#and if people wanna wear it i'm all for it#i personally don't like the way it feels on my skin so i use as little as possible#just enough to cover things like my acne scars or other imperfections that i feel self conscious about#i'd love to get to a point where i feel comfortable NOT wearing make up actually#and that's not even to say that i'd NEVER get dolled up or whatever#it's just not something i enjoy doing on a regular basis ya know?#and honestly? any future partner i have should be aware of that bc you're gonna get plain ol' non-makeup-wearing me 99% of the time#and if that's a problem with them then i don't even wanna waste my time on them#so yeah when she said this to me i was annoyed#bc fr wtf does that have to do with me not looking for a partner??? lol#*sigh* ik she was probably just trying to help in her own way but like#just don't k? k.#/rant#sorry i had to get that out somewhere lmao#it's been driving me crazy#ignore me
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pumpkin-wants-a-cherry-scone · 11 months ago
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Re: tokyo mew mew AU
so I changed the whole thing pretty much BUT.
Her animal is still a forest owlet, but her fruit is mangosteen. I changed things to fit mangosteen (quick drawing of mangosteen depicted on the left; ignore my attempt at a star fruit next to it. I was brainstorming)
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Name: Mew Mango (not mangosteen cause that's too long to say :p) (slightly confusing) (I guess the whole thing is fine) (idk) (if anyone feels compelled you can create your own name I'd love to hear one) (I'm not being sarcastic)
Weapon: Da-mango-maru (instrument is a damaru)
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Attack: ribbon mangostaan-u storm-o (or smthn)? (unsure on how well storm and the damaru match. but maybe the sound of the drum could be like rain?)
@ebbpettier
apologies that I took a month. I hope you have not perished
not sure where her mew mark would be? maybe on her back (like mint). I'm slightly tempted to have it on her knee/back of her knee lol
it's probably obvious, but none of this is set in stone
redrew this picture of mint:
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goldentigerfestival · 6 months ago
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Using this as an audio reference for the posts I'm making, but to summarize:
Yuri starts out mad.
Yuri tries to calm himself down with a deep breath to ask for details instead of going through it angry.
Flynn doesn't say "like a good knight" in the sense of putting himself down. He simply says "as a knight" (the tl here doesn't use that, but with that included it's basically along the lines of "even though I had doubts, as a knight, I was determined to follow my orders").
Once Yuri has answers he calms down significantly.
Yuri uses " 'ttaku", which is a shortened down version of "mattaku" (Yuri often shortens words and speaks very casually), which in this particular situation basically would mean "geez", or "good grief". In this manner, it's expressive of exasperation/frustration/etc.
Yuri never mentions that "Flynn told him what to do" like the dub does (because in fact Flynn did not ever tell Yuri what to do. He only gave Sodia and his other knights orders. He expressed his own desire to take responsibility, but never told Yuri and his friends what to do).
At this point you can tell the anger has gone out of him and that he's calmed down, now that Flynn is approaching this with admission and responsibility.
Sodia is asking that Flynn returns as soon as possible (I believe this was a general translation error).
Flynn's thank you to Yuri is tonally much more heartfelt.
Yuri's response and gratefulness at Flynn coming back to himself is tonally much more heartfelt, relieved and sincere.
#GTF Vesperia Clips#basically the dub version is littered with errors /and/ your regular resident angry dub Yuri#just to be clear on mattaku it can also mean ''completely'' ''totally'' ''seriously'' etc. it depends on the context#''yare yare'' is also used for ''geez'' and ''good grief'' but in a more sarcastic/casual way#''mattaku'' or in this case '' 'ttaku'' is more of a quiet expression of exasperation rather than smth you'd yell/shout when aggravated#it CAN sometimes be used like damn as a minor expletive but tbh I personally I wouldn't put it in this situation#bc his aggravation is lessening and they're getting to the point so I'd argue it's more just exhausted of the whole thing#but the dub took it a step further and used it as fuel against Flynn as they do mcfuckin' do#I'd say it's more ''damn it'' at the whole situation bc there's absolutely no reason at this point to say ''damn it Flynn''#esp bc that led into the dub having Yuri go at him accusing him of telling them what to do when he... literally did not#and did not even imply he was going to. it was just pulled from their asses and/bc Yuri never even said Flynn's name there#it's stuff like this where they add remove and change things always in stark opposite of Flynn's favor that riles me up :/#what I mean is that the dub changed Yuri's overall exasperation into smth accusatory when rly Yuri is like#stop trying to do this by yourself. it was never about oh woe is me how dare you tell us what to do#if he was directing a ''damn it'' at Flynn it STILL would not be bc ''he told them what to do''#it would STILL BE because Flynn was trying to take this responsibility fully onto himself#it's so irritating bc the dub will be spot on right on point with everything but then AS SOON as it's abt Flynn it's like#they start messing around with things and the tl is changed and yadda yadda until around late arc 2#it like lowkey comes across as enemy to ally instead of ally with a whole character arc#and the reason I legit feel like they did it on purpose is BECAUSE they can obviously tl correctly based on other areas of the game#but when Flynn is involved they tweak things if not just outright change the context (remember my Nordopolica post? yeahhhh)#how is that not on purpose? how is it that everything can be spot on for a chunk all at once#but then a certain char shows up and it's repeatedly inaccurate? repeatedly geared in a negative light that originally didn't even EXIST?#and then ofc they almost always use Yuri himself to reflect that negativity against Flynn which is a WHOLE other story/issue for me#it's like... say I wrote a neutral statement. someone comes along and tls with negative sounding additions. it's sort of like that#I'm not that good at explaining things/how I feel abt things but yeah I hope that makes sense#it's just like... I KNOW they can tl spot on so when I keep seeing them stick in all these things with/against Flynn it upsets me sm#it feels like they tl normally and then see Flynn and go oh hold on let's change that bc it's Flynn#and that's why it's so frustrating for me :/
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chemicalbrew · 11 months ago
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achievement get (for the billionth time): take one look at an assignment and get severely overwhelmed AND discouraged for the rest of the day and do nothing
#it's so much and it's dishonest work!! literally dishonest because all i can think of is how bullshit a lot of it sounds. instead of#you know?#actually learning anything?#but this thorough lack of motivation is just gonna get me in trouble isnt it. how do i swallow my emotions and figure things out#its getting harder every year and the feeling that the few people i have close by do not ever truly understand - like at all - is horrifyin#yes sorry this is all i could think of for the past six hours. im having a great day (no im not. i also hate myself for feeling this way)#zero.txt#im sure it hurts the few people who care and who thought i'd actually go on to do things to see me constantly wallowing for reasons#that they refuse to comprehend or have compassion for.#just stop being sad! just get to work piece by piece! have some resilience#meanwhile all ive done is cry. maybe a part of me just likes feeling like this i DONT KNOW#and ofc so often im like. the only reason im still around is im quiet and they havent invented thought police#yet.#how can i have hope when the moment i decide to pluck a silver of it out of my core i read something that in a better world would not even-#-be a nightmare#like. you say things like that with your mouth and expect us to mindlessly repeat if we want anything in life...#fuck my stupid baka life <3#ugh im just going in yet another circle now when i know trying to put my feelings in words is not helpful. what IS helpful#negative#again sorry. at least you dont have to open this wall of tags#delete later#maybe
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angeltism · 10 months ago
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EEEEEEH honestly during the time we were mutuals we interacted like a maximum of . two times. perhaps even just once. which is a bit crazy considering all of this now. i was just scared of trying to keep interacting honestly HSJAHDJSHD but if you dont feel like dating after i reveal myself that is completely absolutely alright! i would appreciate having you as a friend just as much! its whatever you prefer and whatever you feel more comfortable with :3
- 💌 anon
oooh well . still honestly I bet uur kewl <3 and yayaya !! thank uu for being understanding , I very much appreciate it . to be faaair , I do . kinda . have a soft spot for uu , y'know ? so even if it isn't immediately . . . the idea isn't something I'm opposed to ^_^
#➳ the fool's mail box#➳ sender; 💌 anon#with all of this being said . there def are things I'd need to know before like . being in a relationship#likeee . are we close in age bodily . nawt that uu would know since i don't share my age online idk but still . like . age range ?#but also no need to directly share that . at least for nyeow ? at the least i trust uu are a minor 😭#um . and also if uur . dating anybun else ? aha ? <- very monogamous very mono . unlike a lot of the beings I've met on here . scary !#augh it's purrobably obvious by nyeow but I'm a clingy jealous mess so being with anybun who'd be dating others . i just . can't#and that's honestly something I'm worried about a little bit like poly beings r so kewl but it just isn't for me#and a lot of beings i know on here are poly . ^_^'#or like idfk being poly itself is fine in a theoretical partner as long as they aren't strictly poly#like ''no if i wanna date other people will i can't just be with only one being bc that doesn't work for me''#but ''i could theoretically be in a polycule but I'm okay with being in a mono relationship'' is good !#and ofc ''i am fully mono just like uu'' is . also something that works for me#idk#these are the kinds of things i didn't wanna ask right off of the bat and i suppose I'll purrobably find out for myself whenever uu reveal#but like . still . uu can easily see why we could be incompatible lol . so .#augh idk where I'm going with this . I mean uu should know my boundaries n such if uu like-like me I just feel like a bit of a downer#bc boom what if everything is ruined nyeow or whatever blehhh#but anyways I'm gonna stfu nyeow i have some chores 2 knock out so I'll speedrun em while uu either write back . or do something else and#then write back . orrrr while uu do something else and write back when I'm done and at the computer so I can reply asap etc etc#agh i feel like i got weird w this even if uu are currently w others or something again we can totally just be friends . buddies . pals .#uur still kewl and really niceys so !
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bunnihearted · 1 month ago
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millions of tons of food is being thrown away and millions of people and children are starving to death. fucked world
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desperatepleasures · 1 year ago
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guhhhh i am struggling so much with ch3
#i'd say i hate it but i also love it like#it's fun to torment conrart while simultaneously letting conrart sit on adalbert's face#and if i keep writing he'll get to like. be a little mean to adalbert lol. in a way that is potentially gonna be ambiguous as to#whether he's just domming without proper negotiation or just being shitty lmao. well we'll see how it ends up coming out#like ch3 and parts of ch4 are the chapters where it gets kinda Unhealthy between them and that's a lot of fun for me#but also it's so humiliating to write LMAO#also agonizing having to like. do exposition. i hate writing exposition#if it were up to me everything would be like. one vivid scene with some dialogue and that would tell you everything. but noooo i had to#go and write a multichap with like. a tiny bit of plot to glue the smut scenes together/give them context#which means i actually need to write that glue#...and i already skipped ahead the other day and wrote the face sitting scene LMAO so i really gotta do the difficult parts now#ofc when i finish ch3 i get to face the void that is ch4...#like i know in summary what happens in ch4 but i don't know the details about the like really vital scene#BUT!!! in ch5 i get to start writing the conzak bits which are possibly my favorite part :) (aside from ch2 which i like a lot)#...i can't believe it takes four fucking chapters just to get connie out of adalbert's house LMAO. im so sorry my boy#you are gonna have some fantastic orgasms and learn some new things about yourself. but at what cost#fic tag
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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year ago
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amnesia: the bunker release obviously turning my thoughts to cherished fun guy of a baker's dozen years, amnesiac daniel of mayfair. cherished game of as many years; meanwhile he Has the ranges: tormentor/tormented, good/evil, noble/petty, scaredscaredscared/bold as brass tacks. not to mention ofc his Some Guy ft. a very dramatic nature, a lot of introspection, but not much to show for it. i do love him & he's a great choice for [i want to do fun sketches] which i also did with call on me on loop which happened to be a song i associated permanently w/him, as well as the reason my art tag is corned beef
#clapping cheering etc He Horney#amnesia#atdd#corned beef#daniel of mayfair#just watching someone's playthrough of a:tb so i dunno All the lore yet. hope there'll be more revelations abt things like Dan's Enthusiasm#further context abt the game if you weren't familiar already which: check it out!!! watch a playthrough. or play it yourself#i actually played through a third? half? the game. got stuck on a puzzle in one run then trapped in the water section later lmao....#it's a game from an indie developer & made a big splash & had Lasting Reverberations: survival horror game shift impact; namely#you have No Weapons in amnesia (though you Can kill the kaernk w/a precisely aimed barrel (or box?) or two (this isn't at all obvious))#and Daniel Gets Scared is a big component of the game. an Enemy shows up & blurred tunnel vision + the [DANGER] audio goes off#v fond memory: once yrs ago i was moving a small grandfather clock & hit smack w/like. What *Sounds* Threatening Here....#then realized the reverberation of the chimes was akin to the kind of low ringing of [daniel's Low Sanitymeter] effects#which! the game Tells You to watch your levels therein b/c enemies will find you more easily when your sanity(tm)'s low or nil#turns out this is completely untrue though lol. the player may be impeded b/c daniel's vision is crap & his mobility will cut out as well#but just as it says; enemies Aren't drawn to you any more than they ever are; they just tell you that Knowing the player will feel it lol#and it works perfectly...as well as ofc daniel having like nightmare visions / ambiguous hallucinations if he's feeling too bad lol#gotta solve a puzz son .or turn on the lights; daniel also being afraid of the dark. even though it's like yeah man in general i'd be scare#meanwhile i always forget frictional had already made penumbra games & the penumbheads would be like...scoff. amnesia easy mode#b/c penumbra doesn't give you any light? you do have a flashlight i believe. at least sometimes. but that's more ltd than a lantern#couldn't be danny w/his tinderboxes; candles; torches; etc. laudanum. blowing shit up. daniel is sososo fun to me#and it all comes back around w/pentiment like ''mithraeum....i heard of em'' fr fr lol alchemy....weird science ooo#the universe HATES him: unless it doesn't (daniel & the shadow) local locals HATE him: baron discovers one weird interdimensional trick#for real for real check out some playthrough of amnesia: the dark descent if you haven't ever seen / heard of it. or play it#we'll have a movie night of it....#corned beeeeeeeeeeeef........i'm the same boy i used to be
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hua-fei-hua · 1 year ago
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*flopped down on a couch w/a glass bottle of apple juice to make it look like i'm drinking beer*
yeah... yeah i'm fine.... just coming to terms w/the fact that i must use javascript in order to achieve my vision w/the neocities...
#the main reason i haven't just abandoned this particular aspect of the Vision(tm) is bc it would be useful for like.#more than one thing. so it's like. le sigh.#(reading the documentation for tippy tooltips tonight so that i can sleep on it n try to implement it tmrw or something)#why is it always js.... please god spare me at least a Little bit of suffering here i'll never sin again etc etc#speaking of sin i've started speaking more candidly abt my queerness w/the kids at work this week#it's nice to talk to the older kids (as in fifth grade or older) bc even tho like. nine years old is when they start to be tolerable#they lack awareness n life experience. today i told the older kids that i like men but in a gay way#n one of them was like 'i don't get it' n then i reminded her of Gender:tm: n she was like 'ohhhh i get it'#n the two guys also listening were like 'what. i still don't get it.' ONE OF THEM ASKED ME IF I WAS AMAB ACTUALLY LOL#n i was like 'what? that's not important.' but that was really surprising! kids usually read me as female#so it was kind of flattering in a way to be asked 'were you born a boy?' like idk how he's trying to process my gender#but i'm going to flatter myself into thinking the question comes from him like. idk clocking some kind of innate masculinity or w/e idk#花話#anyway it's Crazy that it took me almost a year to not feel like i'd get instantly fired for telling kids i'm queer#Not going to lie it really felt like i'd never get to this point but it really is kinda just once you start it gets easier#(though to be fair i also wouldn't have told Any of the kids Anything had one of them not started acting like 'gays' was a dirty word)#(n i just Looked at him n said 'you know i'm a queer right?' n he was like 'O_O')#when i worked at homophobic summer camp i do remember daydreaming abt telling my boss i was a 'flaming queer'#i'd have put my feet up on her desk n everything as i made direct eye contact w/her but ofc i never did anything like that.#anyway! i will slep now so that i can get back to work on my projects tmrw morning
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novelcain · 2 years ago
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I will never forget the day my former boss looked me dead in the eyes on my orientation day and said: I'm a great judge of character. I can tell that you're an extrovert.
Me nervously laughing because every time I had interacted with this man I was masking my ass off to get this job and most certainly was NOT an extrovert but also didn't want to somehow risk my new job by saying otherwise: Yep! You got me!
#there was also this one time i got this male customer by himself at noon so ofc he just had to talk to me#and this bitch literally asked are you always this bubbly?#and i said yes ya know like a liar#because wtf else am i supposed to say?#no i'm actually never like this and if my wages didn't come from GENEROUS tips of my customers i'd never show a single ounce of emotion#bc im autistic (didnt know it at the time tho) and i really hate dealing with bitches like you first thing in the morning#and then this bitch had the NERVE to ask me YoU wErE rAiSeD bY ChRisTiaNs WeReNT yOu?#and i was so shocked i didn't know how to respond and ended up fumbling out I'm actually not Christian#AND THIS MOFO HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY oh i can tell but that's not what I asked#LIKE BITCH WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE#so me just wanting desperately for this conversation to be over i nervously say yes#and he says yeah i can tell you were raised by a good family#WHEN I TELL YOU THIS WAS THE CLOSEST I EVER CAME TO BREAKING I COULD FEEL MY EYE TWITCHING WITH HOW ANGRY I WAS#I SWEAR I WAS ALMOST SCREAMING AT THIS MAN ABOUT HOW TRAUMATIC IT WAS GROWING UP WITH A CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN FAMILY#luckily i kept my composure (and my job) and awkwardly replied haha yeah... i should go check if your food is done now#AND WHEN I TELL YOU I FUCKIN SPRINTED TO THE KITCHEN#istg you couldn't pay me all the money in the world to work customer service ever again#fuck that fuck olive garden and fuck that guy in particular#there's reason you was eatin lunch alone bitch
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000png · 1 year ago
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will zero finally go back to school... stay tuned and find out
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