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365days365movies · 4 years ago

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February 18, 2021: The Danish Girl (Review)

Before I go into ANYTHING else...let’s talk about the actual Danish Girl, Lili Elbe, or Lili Ilse Elvenes.

Oh, uh, full warning, this is gonna be LONG, so skip to the bottom if you’re just here for the Review! OK, history time!

Now, what the film The Danish Girl notes about the beginning of the transition is pretty spot-on, from what I can tell. After marrying portrait painter Gerda Gottlieb in 1904, the two lived in Italy and France before moving to Paris in 1912. Yeah, that’s over 14 years before they’re shown doing so in the movie. Inaccuracy #1. In 1908 (here comes number 2), Elbe (Einar at the time) painted this portrait of trees along a fjord in Denmark.

Yeah, NOT in 1926, as the film says. But, yeah, that’s a nitpick, I recognize that. Anyway, the revelation came when model Anna Larssen (not “Ulla”, which is Inaccuracy #3) was late, and Gerda asked Elbe to fill in. When Larssen eventually showed up, she suggested the name “Lili”. Basically, this scene from the movie was pretty goddamn accurate.

Except for the dates, anyway. Because while the movie mostly takes place around 1926 and afterwards, this probably happened closer to 1920, in Paris. So, yeah, Lili spent a LOT more time as Lili in real life. Additionally, Lili was pretty goddamn public about the whole thing, inviting guests and hosting parties as herself, rather than as Einar. At the same time, Gerda was getting pretty goddamn famous for her paintings of Lili, like this one.

Which, yeah, are really good! Also, they were considered lesbian erotica by many! YEAH! And here’s a fun fact: Gerda may not have been straight-up straight. Yeah, the film and the book (we’ll get there) kind of ignored the fact that their marriage was annulled by the Danish government, not by the two of them. Inaccuracy #4. Now, obviously, their relationship ended, and Lili ended up getting together with a man (we’ll get there, too), but there are a LOT of unanswered questions about Gerda’s sexuality, and views of sexuality (which is barely hinted at in the “male gaze” speech in the beginning).

After the annulment, the two just...drifted apart. Their relationship dissolved, and the details on that are fuzzy. By 1930, Lili was headed on a completely different path. She wasn’t a painter like Einar (and it turns out that she thought of them as two entirely separate people, like two souls living in the same body, which the movie got mostly right), and she was mostly unsatisfied with her career, life, and other things. And that is where Drs. Erwin Gohrbandt and Magnus Hirschfeld come in, NOT Kurt Warnerkros...yet. He’d come in for the other five (YES FIVE) surgeries, but wouldn’t be involved with the first. Inaccuracy #5, and also #6, while we’re at it! See, the film would make you think that Lili was the first complete gender reassignment surgery, but she was actually the second. The first would be Dora Richter, in a procedure that was performed by Dr. Hirschfeld from 1922 - 1931. YEAH. BIG-ASS INACCURACY THERE. Here’s Dora, by the way:

Anyway, Lili had her first procedure, to remove the testicles, performed in 1930. In the same year, the divorce between Lili and Gerda was finalized, and Lili legally changed her name. Two more procedures were performed, the first to implant an ovary, and the second to remove the penis and scrotum. Inaccuracy #7, by the way. And, hey, let’s go for number 8! Let’s talk about Henrik, a dude who didn’t exist. He and Hans were both very loosely based on an art dealer named Claude Lejeune.

Claude was an art dealer (there’s the Hans part), and was indeed in love with Lili. They got together around early 1931, and he’d actually been in love with her for a good, long time. He proposed to marry Lili, and she accepted, also hoping that the two would be able to have children together. But to do that, it was believed that Lili would need a uterus. And, obviously, having children would be MILES more complicated than that in basically EVERY way, but this was early in medical science’s understanding of some of that biology.

In any case, however, Lili would need both a uterus and a vagina to feel whole. And so, the fourth surgery was scheduled. And she had that surgery in 1931, a couple of weeks after Dora Richter successfully had the same surgery performed. But, sadly, Lili wouldn’t be so lucky.

Lili’s body rejected the uterus, and while transplant rejections of any kind wouldn’t necessarily be fatal now, they definitely were back then. They attempted to remove it, but that subsequent 5th surgery caused infection, which caused a fatal heart attack three months later. Lili Elbe died on September 13, 1931, at the age of FORTY-EIGHT. Yeah, Inaccuracy #9.

By the way, you may be wondering: what about Dora Richter, the first successful person to get these surgeries? Well, she disappeared...in Germany...as the Nazis were coming into power...yeah. Fuckin’ YIKES.

And so, that’s the true story of Lili Elbe. And there are far more differences than that, I’m sure, but those 9 inaccuracies aren’t insignificant, that’s for sure. Although, it probably doesn’t help that the movie was based on a fictionalized book.

Oh, uh...did I not mention that? Yeah, this movie is based on The Danish Girl, by David Ebershoff, which means that this film is essentially a cinematic game of telephone. Which, uh...not great. Granted, Ebershoof made some other...interesting changes, which the film didn’t inherit. In the book, for example, Gerda is named Greta, and is American? Um...why? I dunno, it’s kind of weird. Oh, and that’s not including one more issue with the movie. But, you’ve waited long enough, huh? Recap of the film is here and here if you wanna check that out! Let’s get to the Review already!

Review

Cast and Acting: 8/10

I am...conflicted. So let me start here by saying that the acting in the film in and of itself is fantastic, all-around. Not a weak actor in here, that’s for sure. Let’s start with the side-roles, for once. Ben Whishaw, Matthias Schoenaerts, and Amber Heard are all good. Heard’s accent is a little shaky, but they’re still all solid performances. OK, how about Alicia Vikander? She’s great! And she won the Oscar for...Best Supporting Actress. Um...wait...Supporting? But not Best Actress? Uh...OK. That’s a little weird, let’s be honest here. But, Alicia Vikander did deserve that win over...oooooooh, Rooney Mara in Carol? Maybe not...damn.

And OK...let’s get into the elephant in the room, huh?

Eddie Redmayne is fantastic as Einar Wegener/Lili Eber, and I genuinely think he had a great shot to win Best Actor...but, yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio definitely deserved it, I think that goes without saying. Hell, that year had a SOLID line-up for best actor. And Redmayne had even won it the year before for The THeory of Everything, another biography where he played Stephen Hawking. But ALL of that said...HNNNNNNNNNG, there should have been a transgender actor cast in this role, ideally. Now, I’m fully aware how difficult that would be, as Hollywood isn’t extraordinarily diverse in terms of including trans actors in massive mainstream projects. It’s better now, but it’s nowhere near ideal. But if anybody knows an actor who would’ve fit this role and performed it well, I’m DEFINITELY interested. So, despite that controversy, Redmayne was pretty goddamn great in this role. But, uh...that doesn’t mean everything is perfect...

Plot and Writing: 5/10

OK, that seems low, I know. But it’s pretty goddamn damning that this movie was based off of a heavily fictionalized book instead of the actual life story of Lili Eber and Gerda Gottlieb. And because of that, there are not only some missed opportunities, but some straight-up damning inaccuracies. That’s a set of pretty poor decisions, I tell you what. Not sure why Lucinda Coxon came to that decision when adapting this screenplay, but it wasn’t exactly nominated for Best Screenplay. And the writing certainly isn’t bad, but it is...overly saccharine sometimes, especially for a film based (loosely) on a true story. I dunno...just not the best set of choices here, sorry to say.

Directing and Cinematography: 8/10

Tom Hooper shouldn’t direct musicals. However, since this wasn’t a musical, directing and cinematography here is pretty damn good! Real talk, this is a gorgeous looking movie, and the way shots are framed are fantastic. Perfect? Weeeeeeeell...given the fact that painting is a main focus of the film, for both Gerda and Einar, there should’ve been more painter-quality shots in here, I think. And while the cinematography by Danny Cohen is pretty fantastic, I can’t say that it’s perfect. Still, in terms of lighting and general skill, it’s still quite a good looking movie.

Production and Art Design: 10/10

But the deficiencies in the direction are EASILY compensated for by the production design! Like, hot DAMN, this is a good looking movie, like I said! That goes from the construction of the sets, to the gorgeous outfits all over the place, especially Lili’s outfits. Some iconic pieces of wardrobe there, that’s for sure! But if I have ONE complaint...this movie never once felt like the 1920s. Yup, good old anachronistic complaints from me again! Yeah, I’ll change the record one of these days, I promise. But even with that, it’s hard to ignore just how good this movie looks, to be honest. It’s just...gorgeous.

Music and Editing: 8/10

As I type this, I’m listening to a track of the film on YouTube, and it is a beautifully delicate tune. I’m not sure that I’d be able to associate it with the film if presented to me on its own, but it’s definitely a nice track to listen to by itself. Playlist worthy? For somebody, almost certainly, but not for me. One of these days, a film like that’s gonna pop up, I swear. But for now, Alexandre Desplat and his score are gonna stay off my iPhone. This really is a nice score, though, I promise. Editing by Melanie Ann Oliver is pretty good as well, and I’ve no complaints about it, to be honest. Overall, this side of things was quite nice, if not the most notable thing I’ve ever seen or heard.

I might have been a little harsh, but it’s still got an 78%.

This is a good movie, but...I dunno, the inaccuracies do bug me. Hell, there are WAY more than what I’d mentioned, and I mentioned a lot. Not to mention the other glaring issue: no trans people at any stage of the production? Really? No script consultants, no writers, no NTOHING? That’s...egregiously bad. Like, holy shit, guys. And, yes, this includes Redmayne, because even though he performed admirably in the role...I dunno. I’m no expert on ANY of this, as a cissexual dude with cissexual experience, but it feels a little...reductive, is all. Like I said, if any other actors have been suggested for this role, I’d love to know. The whole thing feels...I don’t know, just not great.

And by the way, that’s without even TOUCHING the question as to whether or not this film is authentic to the trans experience. Again, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA, but I’ve also heard that this film isn’t universally acclaimed in the trans community, so to speak. And I’m definitely interested in the reasons for that. All I know is this: from the perspective of a complete outsider, I was intrigued by this films view of the transgender experience, specifically as seen in the earliest days of those realizations happening and being publicly known and reported on. And that’s all I can really comment on, in truth.

WHOOF. That was a goddamn topic, huh? And now, I’m going to continue on the the month of romance with...wait, the 19th is my 5-year anniversary with my GF, pictured here:

Ravishing. Anyway, I think I’ll let her pick from my choices for this next one. Hold on a sec...OK, then. Sing it with me now! AND DO I DREEEEEAM AGAAAAIN, FOR NOW I FIIIIIIIIIIIIIND...

February 19, 2021: The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

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wellnoe · 2 years ago

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Claremont’s explanation was that “Everyone has a double somewhere out there in the world and Maddy was Jean’s” LIKE…. BROOOOOOOOOO. 😭😭😭 Real Clown Man Shit, deep down, I’m lowkey attached to and wonder what a version of Maddy and her stories would look like if she. . . Looked like anything else. I feel like Claremont in trying to commit to his ideas, ended up screwing himself (and sadly, her as a character too) over.

yeah i mean. i feel like that explanation would have been deeply narratively unsatisfying to me! but maybe my judgement on that is affected by living in a world where the clone reveal did occur lol.

i feel like a maddy who looks like anyone else is such a fundamentally different version of the character that she would functionally no longer exist imo? like. obviously maddy has a personality! and an existence as a character prior to the clone reveal that does not rely on her appearance being similar to jean's. but in my opinion. a lot of people's reactions to maddy, their interactions with her, their relationships to her, exist the way they do because they exist in a world where the characters knew jean grey. like. she is, not always but often! framed in terms of the existence of jean grey, and the x-men writ large.

i feel like if maddy doesn't look like jean, she ends up being kind of a similar character to lee? and like. scott leaves lee and says he's not ready to be in a serious relationship with her and immediately meets maddy. and one of the first things everyone notices about her is that she looks like jean.

idk i've typed all this out but also! i'm sure there's a lot of stories you could write about a maddy-who-doesn't-look-like-jean that are still recognizably maddy. i have a hard time wrapping my head around that, but a REALLY big part of that is that i honestly really love the clone reveal! i really love maddy, and part of what i love about her is that she is a clone who has big emotions about her loss of agency and feelings of autonomy! i think it sucks, but in a good way! it's very tragic, and i find it extremely narratively satisfying, and i don't really think the reveal itself ruined the character. i think its a framing she makes a lot of sense within.

i do think that what has been done with the character since that incredibly dramatic (and traumatic for her!) story has been. decidedly bad, and also just boring. there seems to be very little interest in writing about the actually interesting bits of what the reveal meant for maddy, who has just been stuck in the weird, vague stasis of 'wanting to be her own person'. and the way she seems to define that cannot be reasonably fulfilled for her and that sucks emotionally! and is interesting! but also i don't think it is a desire that tends to be handled interestingly.

anyway! yeah i agree that's a really weird explanation/idea to have and expect to be satisfying. ESPECIALLY in a medium like comics, which are very collaborative and where other creatives might decide to take away a different idea from what he wrote!

#w.ask #sorry if this was a weird rambly response i just started thinking about maddy and i couldn't stop typing lol

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c-is-for-circinate · 4 years ago

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I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about why P5R didn't quite land for you. I had the same reaction to it, but I've never quite been able to properly articulate why the last section fell so flat.

God okay so I've tried several times to answer this, and it seems like the answer is 'I still have way too many feelings, personally, to say this in anything less than thirty pages and fifteen hours of work', because Persona 5 the original is a game I loved a lot and care about a great deal. And most of the reasons I disliked Royal feel, in my head, like a list of ways it broke some of the things I liked best about P5--which means explaining them feels like I need to explain everything I loved about the original game, which is a book in itself, complete with referents to P3, P4, Jungian psychology, the Joseph Campbell mytharc, and fuck all even knows what. And that is too much.

But today I realized that I could instead describe it from an angle of, Persona 5 Strikers succeeds really well at doing the thing I think Royal was trying to do but failed at. And that I think I can talk about in a reasonable amount of wordspace, hopefully, behind this cut because I have at least one friend who hasn't played Royal yet.

Note for reblogs/comments: I HAVE NOT FINISHED STRIKERS YET. I got through the jail that pretended to be the final jail and have not yet gone into the obviously inevitable 'ohshit wait, you mean there's something more than simple human machinations behind all of this?' dungeon. (I got stuck on a really frustrating side quest, put the game down, and then dived into Hades to avoid throwing the Switch across the room for a while--and anyone around this blog lately knows how THAT'S been going.) Please no spoilers past Okinawa!

So, one of the many, many things I really appreciated about Persona 5 was its straightforward and unashamed attitude towards abusers and their acts of violence. Because, while yes P5 is a story about the use of power and control to make others suffer, it fundamentally isn't about those abusers themselves. It's about their victims, those that survive their crimes. And this shows up repeatedly over the course of the game.

We do not give a shit why Kamoshida wanted to beat and rape his students. We really don't. Kamoshida does not deserve our attention one moment longer than it takes to make him stop. Because, ultimately, that's the goal of P5, start to end. We don't know for sure if what we're doing is fair, if it's justice, if it's questionable. What we know is that people are being hurt, badly, actively, right now this second. What we know is that victims are suffering. What we know is that we, personally, us-the-protag and us the Phantom Thieves at large, are in danger. And in those circumstances, we don't care about the abuser's side any more. We don't. We don't have the space or time or capacity to care, because that is not the point.

The point is to help the weak. To save the people who need saving, right here and now. To give others the courage to stand up on their own behalf. We're not even out to change society, not really--that's a byproduct. We are reactions. We are triage. We are important.

There's something so empowering and validating about that as a theme, y'know? In a media landscape so full of "sympathetic villains", the idea that, you know, maybe sometimes you don't have to break yourself to show compassion that might possibly heal the bad guy--that sometimes you can just make the bad guy stop hurting people--feels both refreshing and satisfying. I really appreciate it as a message! I liked it a lot!

And yes, there's nuance to that theme, and the game is not without compassion. We save Futaba, because 'make the bad guy stop hurting people', in that case, means 'make this person stop hurting herself'. We give Sae a path forwards, help her fix her own heart. Yet it's worth pointing out that in both of those cases, while we were very glad to do those things, to save those people, we also went into both of those palaces for extremely practical reasons to begin with. We needed Futaba's help. We needed Sae's help. The fact that we chose to talk Sae into a change of heart rather than simply stealing her treasure, while ultimately a very good thing for her, was absolutely a practical choice predicated on the need for her palace to still exist to save our life. And yes, we wanted to save her, for Makoto's sake--yes, we wanted desperately to save Futaba. But Sae and Futaba let themselves be helped, too, and that doesn't change the overarching themes of the story itself.

Akechi (and to some extent Okumura) would not let himself be helped. Akechi's another interesting nuance to this theme, because of all our villains, we do learn the most about what drove him to the cruelties and crimes he's committed. He's at that intersection of victim and villain, and we want to help him, as a victim--but we also know that stopping him as a villain is more important. We'd like to save him from himself if we could, because we save people from their sources of trauma, it's what we do. We regret being unable to do so. But in the end, what matters to the story is not that Akechi refused to be saved--it's that Shido and Yaldabaoth need to be stopped, for the sakes of everyone else they're hurting now and may continue to hurt in the future.

The thing is, there's space and maybe even a need for a corollary discussion of those places where victim and villain intersect. It's an interesting, pertinent, and related topic. Strikers made an entire video game about it, a really good video game. It's centered in the idea that, yes, these people need to be stopped, and we will make stopping them our priority--but they're not going after us, and that gives us some space to sympathize. Even for Konoe, who specifically targets the Phantom Thieves--compare him to Shido, who actively destroyed the lives of both Joker and Futaba, who ordered Haru's father's death, who's the entire reason the team is still dealing with the trauma of Akechi's everything. Of course the game can be sympathetic to Konoe where it can't with Shido. There's enough distance to do that.

But right--Strikers is a separate game. It's a separate conversation. It's, "last time, we talked about that, so now let's take it one step further." And that's good writing. (It's something Persona has done before, too, also really well! Persona 3 is about terrible, occasionally-suicidal depression and grief. P4 is about how you can still be hurting and need some help and therapy even if things seem ok. Related ideas, but separate conversations that need to be separate in order to be respectful and do justice to either one. P5, as a follow-up to P4, is a conversation about how, ok, changing yourself is great and all, but sometimes the problem is other people so how do you deal with that? Again, still related! Still pertinent! Still alluded to in P4, with Adachi's whole thing--but it wasn't the time or place to base a quarter of the game around it.)

So one of Royal's biggest issues, to me, is that it tries to tack on this whole new angle for discussion onto a game that was originally about something else.

Adding Maruki's palace--adding it at the end, which by narrative laws suggests that it's the true point that everything else should be building up to--suddenly adds in about a hundred new dimensions at once. It wants us to engage with "what in this abuser/manipulator's life led him to act this way?" for basically the first time all game (we'll get to Akechi later). It wants us to engage with, "if the manipulator has a really good reason or good intentions, does that mean we should forgive them?" It requires us to reflect on, "what is the difference between control and cruelty?" It asks, "okay, but if people could be controlled into being happy, would that be okay?" (Which, based on the game so far, is actually a wild out-there hypothetical! Literally not a single thing we've seen in the game suggests that could ever happen. Even the people who think being controlled is safer and easier are miserable under it. Control that's able to lead to actual happiness is completely out of left field in the context of everything we've encountered all game so far.)

That's too much! We don't have time to unpack all that! We only have an eighth of the game left! Not to mention we are also being asked to bring back questions we put to bed much earlier in the game about the morality of our own actions, in a wholely unsatisfying way. Maruki attempts to justify his mass brainwashing because "it's the same as what you're doing", and we know it isn't, but the game didn't need Maruki calling it out in order for us to get that. We already faced that question when we started changing hearts, and again several times throughout the game, and again when we found our targets in Yaldabaoth's cells. The fact that we change hearts does not mean we think "changing hearts is fine and kind and should be done to everyone, actually." Changing hearts has been firmly established in this game as an act of violence, acceptable only because it prevents further systemic violence against innocents that we must prevent. The moral question has never once been about whether it's ok to change the hearts of the innocent, only about how far it's ethical to go against individuals who are actively hurting other people. Saying "you punched that guy to keep him from shooting a child, so punching people is good and I will save the world by punching everyone!" is confusing! and weird! and not actually at all helpful to the question of, how much violence is it acceptable to use to protect others! So presenting the question that way just falls really flat.

(And right, I love Strikers, because Strikers has time to unpack all that. Strikers can give us a main bad guy who wants to control the whole world for everybody's own good, because Strikers has earned that thematic climax. It has given us sympathetic bad guys who started out wanting to control the world to protect themselves and ended up going too far. It's given us Mariko Hyodo, who wanted to control the world to protect other people and went too far. It's given us a long-running thread about police, the desire to serve, and the abuse of power that can lead to. And since we are actively trying to care for the people whose hearts we're changing in Strikers, we can open the door to questions about using changes-of-heart and that level of control to make other people happy. We can even get a satisfying conclusion out of that discussion, because we have space to characterize the difference--Konoe thinks that changing peoples' hearts means confining them, but the Phantom Thieves think it means setting them free. We have seen enough sympathetic villains that we as an audience have had the space to figure out how we feel about that, and to understand the game's perspective of "stop them AND save them, if we can possibly do both." And that message STILL rests firmly on Persona 5's message of "it is Good to do what you have to do to stop an abuser so long as you don't catch innocent people in your crossfire.")

It's worth noting that the general problem of 'asking way too many new questions and then not answering them' also applies to how Royal treats its characters, too. P5 did have unanswered questions left at the end! The biggest one, and we all knew this, was Akechi, and what actually happened to him, and how we should feel about him, and how he felt about us. That was ripe for exploring in our bonus semester, and to Royal's credit they did in fact try to bring it up, but by god did they fuck up doing it.

Akechi's probable death in the boiler room was absolutely the biggest dangling mystery of the game. It was an off-screen apparent death of a key antagonist, so all of the narrative rules we know suggested that he might still be alive and would probably come back if the story went on for long enough. So when Royal brings him back on Christmas Eve, hey, great! Question answered. Except that the situation is immediately too good to be true, and immediately leads to another mystery, which leads to a flat suspicion that something must be wrong. We spend several hours of gameplay getting sly hints that, oooh, maybe he's not really alive after all, before it's finally confirmed by Maruki: yup, he really died, if we end the illusion we'll kill him too. Okay, at least we know now. Akechi is alive right now and he's going to be dead if we do this, and that doesn't make a ton of sense because every other undead person disappeared when the person who wished for them realized they were fake but at this point we'll take it. So we take down Maruki, and okay, Akechi really is dead! Probably! We're fairly sure! Aside from our lingering doubts!

And then we catch a glimpse of maybe-probably-could be him through the train window, and I just want to throw something, because come on.

Look, it is just a fact of storytelling: the more times you make an audience ask 'wait, is this character dead or aren't they?', the less they will care, until three or four reversals later you will be hard pressed to find anybody who gives a shit. Royal does this like four different times, and every iteration comes with even less certainty than the last. By the end, we somehow know even less than we did when we started! Did Akechi survive the boiler room to begin with and Maruki just didn't know? Or was Maruki lying to try and manipulate us further? Or was he actually dead and then his strength of will when Maruki's reality dissolved was enough to let him survive after all? Is that even actually him out the train window?

Where is he going! What is he doing! How did any of this happen! What is going on! We all had these questions about Akechi at the end of the original P5, and the kicker is that Royal pretends like it's going to answer them only to go LOL JK NO. It's frustrating and it's dissatisfying and it annoys me.

The one Akechi question that Royal doesn't even bother to ask, though, let alone leave ambiguous, is how does the protagonist feel about him? The entire emotional weight of the third semester rests on the protagonist caring about Akechi, Sumire, and Maruki. Maruki's the person we're supposed to sympathize with even as we try to stop him. Sumire's the person we're trying to save from herself. And Akechi is our bait--is, we are told, the one thing our protagonist wished for enough to actualize it in this world himself. Akechi's the final lure to accept Maruki's deal. Akechi's survival is meant to be tempting.

For firm Akechi fans, this probably worked out fine--the game wanted to insist that the protagonist cared for Akechi the same way the player did. For those of us who're a little more ambivalent, though (or for the many and valid people who hated him), this is a super sour note. Look, one of the Persona series' strengths is the way it lets players choose to put their time and emotional investment into an array of different characters, so the main story still has weight even if there's a couple you don't care about that much. It has always done this. The one exception, from P3 all the way through P4 to here and now, is Nanako Dojima, and by god she earned that distinction. I have never met a person who played Persona 4 who didn't love Nanako. Nanako is a neglected six-year-old child who is brave and strong enough to take care of herself and all of the housework but who still tries not to cry when her dad abandons her again and lights up like the sun when we spare her even the tiniest bit of time and attention. It is impossible not to care for Nanako. Goro Akechi is not Nanako.

And yet third semester Royal doesn't make sense if your protagonist doesn't feel linked to Akechi. The one question, out of all the brand new questions Royal throws out there, that it decides to answer all by itself--and it's how you as a player and your protagonist ought to feel about an extremely complex and controversial character. What the fuck, Royal. What the fuck.

In conclusion, I'll leave you with this. I played the original Persona 5 in March and April of 2017, as an American, a few months after the 2016 election and into the term of our then president. It felt painfully timely. A quick calendar google early on indicated that the game's 20XX was almost certainly 2016, and the closer our plot got to the in-game November leadup to an election destined to be dominated by a foul and charming man full of corruption and buoyed up by his own cult of personality, the more I wanted to laugh/cry. It felt timely. It felt important. It felt right.

I went through Royal (in LP form on youtube, not having a platform to play it on) in summer of 2020, with a hook full of face masks by my front door and protests about racial tension and local policing that occasionally turned into not-quite-riots close enough to hear at night if I opened the windows of my apartment. The parts of the game that I remembered felt as prescient and meaningful as ever, if not even more so. The new parts felt baffling. Every single evil in the game felt utterly, painfully real, from the opening moments of police brutality to the idea of a country led by a guy who probably would use his secret illegitimate teenage son as a magical assassin if the opportunity presented itself and he thought he could get away with it. Yaldabaoth as the cumulative despair of an entire population who just wanted somebody to take over and make things be okay--yes, yes, god, in summer of 2020? With streets full of people refusing to wear masks and streets full of people desperate for change? Of course. Of course that holy grail of safety should be enticing. Of course it should be terrifying.

And then Maruki. Maruki, who was just so far outside the scope of anything I could relate to the rest of the game or my own life. Because every single other villain in the rest of Persona is real. From the petty pandering principal to the human-trafficking mob boss. The corrupt politicians and the manmade god of cultural desire for stability. And this game was trying to tell me that the very biggest threat of all of them, the thing that was worse than the collective force of all society agreeing to let this happen because succumbing was easier than fighting back--that the very biggest threat of all was that the world could be taken over by some random nobody's misguided attempts to help?

No. Fuck no. I don't buy it. Because god, yes, I have seen the pain and damage done on a tiny and personal and very real level by the tight-fisted control of someone trying to help, it never looked like this. Not some ascended god of a bad therapist. All the threats to the world, and that's the one I'm supposed to take seriously? This one man is more of a threat than the fundamental human willingness to be controlled?

Sorry, but no. Not for me. Not in this game. Not in this real-life cyberpunk dystopian apocalypse.

#c plays persona #driveby meta attack #p5 royal spoilers #p5 strikers spoilers #holy crap I did it #I actually wrote a semicoherent essay of a length I'm willing to put on Tumblr #about my problems with this game #I have been trying on and off for MONTHS #I wanted to like Royal SO BADLY #it makes me SO UPSET #anyway #now back to your regularly scheduled Hades blogging #asked and answered #Anonymous

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Amphiba: True Colors Review or FINALLY THE FINALE

We’re finally here all you happy people! Ten Months, 36 episodes, 20 half hours, a lot of gay subtext, a lot of bloodshed, and a lot of build up have lead us all here! One absolutely STUFFED finale: A trust is betrayed, a rebllion is had, a conquerer rises and NOTHING will ever be the same.. and yes htat’s thrown around a lot but this is one of those times where NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME. This is that kind of finale folks.

But before I can get into all the juicy stuff you’ve been waiting for there’s a few things to discuss.. and the first is obviously the fact we had to wait three goddamn extra weeks to get here after spending all season leading up to this.

You all know the story by now. Hell I even angirly ranted about it when it happened and rightfully so. But frankly the colossal delay is going to be such an integral and permeant part of this episode and this show’s history that not talking about it in this review would do it a diservice: So to recap: The finale was posted to air May 1st, a weak after “The Dinner/Battle of the Bands”. I had it set in my schedule, it showed up in that month’s press release of Disney Channel Episodes, We were all ready to go with all the tight and intense build up leading up to this.

Then the worst happened and Disney aburbtly, and with a funny face image trying to play it off as a joke annoucned via it’s animation twitter the episode would be delayed. Now in fairness to the twitter person there, they were PROBABLY trying to help massage a blow... but seriously dude, read the room next time. Thankfully creator Matt Braly stepped in and explained it was technical delays. After what happened the next day I ASSUMED he was just trying to cover for them as it would turn out the episode was finished.. turns out, and I had to edit the review to reflect this the truth was somewhere in the middle. Edits were more discussed, likely due to the episodes very violent nature, and the episode was given a content warning. Given what happens.. I can’t blame Disney for wanting one or for thinking of editing it.. but canblamehtem for the “Things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY’ nature of the edist and the insuing delay.

I can also blame them for leaking the episode on ITUNES. Yeah if they were REALLY concenred abotu content then they would’ve held off longer and not brought this up five minutes before it aired, delaying the episode for many. Hell I DEFENEDED them in the original version of this, but they had MONTHS of this episode being in production to fucking say something. WHy do this five mintues before it’s finished?

It just smacks of laziness and overly panicy stuff. A content warning would’ve been FINE. You ahve it for racisim on Disney Plus, just put one here and call it a day. You haven’t objected to the horrifying content in the series up to this point why start NOW. And they STILL never apologized. For any of this. For the leak, for the delay, never properly explaining the delay (Matt didn’t either.. but given how twitchy comapnies can be about what their creators say, I can’t blame him for not wanting to clarify it was a post credit’s thing till closer to airtime), just in general not giving a shit abotu the kids or adults watching this. Just because kids watch thiis dosen’t me older kids don’t have social media, and it dosen’t mean teens don’t. If you want to pretend us adults watching this don’t exist.. fine. It sucks but I can’t do anything. But do not do this shit to kids and then not go to them. And again Matt could’ve.. but it’s not his fucking job. His job is to make a show, help make sure it gets to air and be a sweeheart. YOURS is to make sure things run smoothly and when their is a hickup,get your house in order.

Matt shoudln’t of HAD to beg people not to watch it. Various va’s for the show shoudln’t of HAD to record funny messages.. it was appricated but it’s not thier job to prevent this from spreading. It’s yours. It’s yours to open your damn eyes and see adults and older teens watch this stuff too and to head that shit off. This incident is going to stick in my craw for god knows how long and ALMOST convinced me not to cover Owl House weekly (I still woud’ve likely done a review on each half of the season). I ended up renegeing on that and will be starting regular coverage of that in June and continuing coverage of this show whenever it returns.. but it was close.

And it’s ultimately YOU GUYS that kept me hanging in there. It was thanks to a Disney show this blog exists in the first place, and contiunes to get the bulk of it’s viewers. It’s how I got my patreon, biggest fan and bfinacial backer Kev. I’ts why I can do what I love, talking about and analyzing stuff I enjoy and ocasionally loathe. You guys came back week after week for my ducktales reviews and stayed for Amphibia. I”m sure i’ll get even more for Owl House. It’s thanks to all of you I can keep going despite the hardships, the lack of patreons, the long nights, the weird sleep schedules. I wouldn’t of made it through 20 weeks of awesome tv without you. So for you, and for myself, i’ll hang in there but I expect better Disney. And i’m damn well gonna get it. So join me under the cut as the world turns upside down.. and there are a LOT of spoilers. Seriously if you want to wait for the tv airing do not go under the cut

So we open with a flashback to 8 months ago, the day all this began: Marcy was working in the library on her cram classes, getting texts from both Sasha, who was excited about Anne’s birthday, and her own father who wants her to come home right away as there’s something important they need to discuss.

But before she can a book about the strange and what not naturally slips out and Mar-Mar can’t help but thumb through it.. and as you were no doubt dreading.. finds the box which is said in a large tv friendly caption to lead to other worlds.

Naturally Marcie is intrigued and snaps a pick and heads home... and we cut to the END of that conversation as she tearfully runs out of the house , refusing to accept what they’ve told her and her dad coming off hella unsympathetic with his overly harsh tone, especially since we DO find out what he told her... and it’s a lot to put on her and a lot to just say “accept because I helped make you for all of two unsatisfying minutes. “

So while running away she passes the box.. and sets the events from both the show’s opening and the flashback from the last finale in motion. Marcy sent them here on purpose.

Yeah needless to say I DIDN’T see this coming. And it seems obvious in hindsight: Marcy being the one most desperate to keep thier friendship together, as we’ll see at it’s worst through this episode, her barely mentioning going home, and most tellingly the only things she talks about from earth were Anne, Sasha and her dorky intrests. All the things closest to the heart and that she’s most likely to make out with.. but while Anne brings up earth stuff every so often even after getting more screen time in Season 2b... Marcy NEVER talks about that kind of stuff. She has her girlfriends and a real life fantasy novel right here... but she DOSEN’T miss her parents or earth itself. And given her life was already shown to be as an outcast with only two people carring about her, three with her mom now we know, who never REALLY fit in and whose on friends very clearly didn’t share her intrests.. it probably made it all the more tempting: a real adventure, an escape from her problems, and a way to start over: become who she always PLAYED and not who she was. Everything just.. snaps into place with this revelation and makes Marcy an all the more heartbreaking character... even more so soon enough when we find out what her overall plan was.

But that’s half an episode away: for now our party returns on Joe to Newtopia.. though clumsly. Marcy admits that they probably can’t fit more people on him. But with this our heroes are ready to finish this story and with a plan since obviously they can’t just walk into town with two wanted crminals: Marcy will present the box and THEN sasha and grime, who will cloak themselves to avoid attracting attentions, with literal cloaks Marcy hasn’t made a cloaking device yet, so hopefully they’ll get a pardon.

Inside Sprig and Anne talk, with Sprig admitnig he’s sad this is the last adventure.. but Anne has hope. After all they have a way home now and that portal goes both ways. She can hop back any time and vice versa. This sin’t goodbye.. it’s just goodbye for now. And i’ts something I genuinely didn’t think of.. and not just because Andrias’ shady actions and Sasha and Grime’s machinations meant this was NEVER going to end well.

Speaking of Sasha and Grime’s machinations those come to a head: As our heroes enter the castle, greeted by Lady Olivia, and we get our typical end of the RPG speech from the “Good” king.... Sasha swipes the box and Grime uses the hammer to knock everyone off ballance. The coup the two have been cooking up has come to pass.

Anne and Marcy’s reactions.. are telling: Anne is utterly pissed at the betryal and done with Sasha and Marcy is begging both sides to stop as this was not how it was supposed to end. Sasha tries to use a box as a baranging chip, and plans to destroy it if Andrias dosen’t surrender despite destroying her way home. Given it’s implied her home life isn’t great either and she gets to rule an empire instead of a school, it’s easy to see why.

Grime stops him from calling her bluff though by wacking him in the shins and then hodling him at hammer point to get the military of Newtopia to stand down while his covert Toad agents reveal themselves and runamuck. Grime has won.

Anne meanwhile is livid, with Sasha not quite getting why MAYBE Anne would once again feel betrayed that once again Sasha is trying to do everything her way and once again lied to her and harmed innocent people. Anne breaks off their friendship which deeply uspets Marcy.. who weirldy. ISN’T trying to talk Sasha out of this. After all she gets what she wanted anyway. She IS upset when Sasha tries to send them home for defiance.. but the box dosen’t work for her and she simply has the guards escort our heroes and Olivia out till she can figure this out.

Naturally though Anne, being pissed, heartbroken and pissed, and yes that was indeed intentional, HEADBUTTS the nearest guard and breaks them out, with the planatrs starting to fight back. Their still outnumbered.. but help arrives

Or rather the Amphibia equilvent as both wolverines are busy with prep for the Hellfire Gala. Yes it’s General Yunan, who Lady Olivia cuts off probably not for the first time. Your lucky that’s one of her turn on’s lady.

So our heroes sneak out and head to Sals, while the Toads wreck up the town. Marcy... is of course desperate to fix things, but figures it’s easy. All they have to do is free the king, stop the rest of the army from arriving, their an hour away, and cementing grime’s foothold, get her girlfriends to reconcile and fix the inherent power imbalance so a rebellion doesn’t’ happen again.

But Anne rouses them: They may be a goofus, a quick witted kid, an out of touch old man, a literal baby, am etaphorical baby, and a nerd.. but their a BADASS Goofus, kid, old man, babies and nerd... and two other ladies the toads actually know and respect. They’ve fought worse: Canibals, princess bride references, theater bandits, chicken elder gods, Poly’s addiction to angry mobs and paste pot pete and come back stronger each time. They can do this. They might only be 8 strangers, but together they can fuck up this shit. or to have a previously mentioned buddy of mine sum it up

So with that it’s time to split up gang: Marcy, Hop Pop and Olivia will go free the king using Hop Pop’s acting skills...which actually works despite Olvia’s doubts. Polly, Yunan and Frobo will put the hammer down and give them hell, taking out the toads in the city and drawing all of them away from the gate where Spriganne will trigger it thus saving the day.

Meanwhile Sasha is feeling discontent. She got everything she wanted.. but she didn’t think about what to DO with all that power. At home she could do all sorts of things ruling a school but now she’s lost one of the loves of her life. Without Anne and Marcy i’ts just empty. Even Grime’s utterly heartfelt gift of an emerald sword, he knew she always wanted to duel wield that has a heron on it, a sign of how they met and a truly sweet gesture can’t cheer her up. So Grime suggests redecorating and the first thing to go is a sappy mural of Andrias and his subjects. What they find UNDER it though is horrifying.. and i’ts surprisingly not a bunch of spiders like you’d expect.. but a mural of Andrius as some sort of horrible king with an army of robot frogs like Frobo, with a LOT of frog, toad and newt skeletons piled up. Sasha and Grime are glad they dodged that bullet.. only to find Anne scaling the tower with Sprig, the two naturally going to stop them.

The two try and turn the wheel, but can’t as there’s a doorstop... one they DEFINTELY saw earlier when looking out the window of Sal’s.

Regardless they send Polly for that.. and the rematch begins. Sasha TRIES talking to Anne.. but given she stabbed her in the back AGAIN for incredbly petty reasons, that’s not going to work and the two get one hell of a fight. Beautifully animated and rife with emotion as the two clash with Sasha DESPERATLY trying to get Anne to stop for a second and listen and Anne rightly refusing, while we watching know our hero winning will spell DOOM for this world despite her trying to do the right thing. Anna and Brenda’s acting here is just TOP notch. In any other episode this would be the best part of it.. but we’re only getting warmed up.

While they fight, we get a surprising and awesome bout I did not see coming: Sprig Vs Grime. And it gives me Spider-Man vs Kingpin vibes really: A rotund but still far more powerful opponent versus a smaller but quicker one. And that’s how even more shockingly, Sprig comes out the WINNER. While Grime has the hammer and more strength and skill... Sprig has speed and thus gets Grime to whack himself with it. Granted he can’t use the thing and comically spins around afterword.. but it proves Grime’s racist thoughts about frogs wrong and leaves Anne free to turn the wheel once she beats Sasha. The invasion is thwarted.

But naturally given the ooky spooky mural and the other hints of ominous shit like the watcher with a thousand eyes, this isn’t the end. Back at the throne room, with Sasha and Grime as prisoners Anne gives Andrias the box despite sasha begging her not to. But rather than send her home right away.. he has a history lesson for her first. And nothing good ever starts with someone delaying helping you to give a sinister history lesson let me tell you.

We find out the while truth: Amphibia was once a technological empire powered by the box, and prosperity SEEMINGLY reigned, and Andrias, much like our heroines, had two close friends, a toad and a frog. But one day they betrayed him, abandoning him and seemingly stealing the box , leaving his mechanical marvels powerless and Andrias bitter and angry. Hence the whole revenge ploy.

In an unsurprising and invincible-esque twist, he reveals his ancestors were not explorers but CONQUERERS and he intends to finish their work, placing the box on a pedestal that turns his castle into a flying fortress glowing blue. It only gets worse from there: the castle’s awakening also activates factories around Amphibia similar to the one we saw back in “Fort in the Road” that gave us Frobo and it turns out their dark purpose.. is to create armies of unstoppable soldiers to secure his dominon.... and spread it to the other worlds. The reason he didn’t send the girls home is he figures correctly Anne and the others will try and stop him from TAKING it.

So yeah Anne’s reaction is very naturally...

And despite being outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered and outplanned she plans to make an all out stand. She realizes that her own fight with Sasha only allowed something FAR WORSE to take hold. She’s not WRONG for fighting her, Sasha was being a shithead taking over and did so for flimsy and selfish reasons and she had no reason to listen to her.. but had she at least thought over giving him the box and not simply given it to him to spite her none of this would be happening. So she and the plantars get ready for round 2, with Sasha having her back this time, and Grime having Sasha’s. It’s a really sweet moment, showing Sasha has realized just how much her own greedy and controlling ambitions have cost her and that she’s brought about something far worse thorugh them, and is ready to make amends and Grime as always ready to stand by the only true family he has.

But before the carnage can begin.. Marcy stops them... and then tearfully turns to Andrias “This wasn’t our deal!”. Andrias, now not having to play nice, dosen’t care and cruelly points out of course he did: He would’ve said whatever it took to get her to fill the box and she did it. He also hints at Marcy’s dark secret, with both girls wondering what the hell he’s on about.. but clearly starting to piece it together, with Andrias cruelly toying with Marcy to tell them before he does.. and barely gives her any time before going ahead with it anyway, knowing she’d be unable to. And with this we get the best line of the episode and Keith david’s best delivery.. and given he makes a fucking seven course meal of the entire second act, yeah that’s a high bar.

"Did it ever occur to you — Anne, Sasha — that one of you knew more than she was letting on? That one of you might've gotten you stranded in Amphibia... on purpose?"

The line itself hits like a sledgehammer. We knew for the full episode she did this on purpose.. but we also knew at some point it was clearly going to come out and hurt them both.. and to see someone Marcy clearly saw as a better replacement dad, someone she thought cared about her and was offering her her dreams for no gain on his end cruelly tell them clearly for his own amusment as he dosen’t remotely see them as a threat.. it’s utterly chilling as it is heartbreakiing and horrifying.

Naturally Anne and Sasha are upset, Sasha a bit baffled and Anne just utterly broken by this: She’d already been betrayed TWICE by the other love of her life.. now MARCY had betrayed her.. and WORSE?

And it only gets worse as Marcy heartbreakingly reveals her motivation and what this was really all about: Her dad announced he got a new job and they were moving a state away.. and like I said he’s a prick. Not for moving, that happens and it sucks but for having no freaking empathy about it. Maybe if he took a parenting class earth wouldn’t be on the cusp of a robot invasion. Marcy was about to loose her girls and was desperate.... so naturally Andrias claimed to simply want to take them all with him on his journeys, obviously leading out the conquest and likely genocide part, so they could go on and on FOREVER. And this whole thing gave Anne the plantars so it’s not all bad right? Right? But it’s clear she’s trying to desperatly lie to herself this was all okay as she’s been doing ever since she started this all 8 months ago and Anne pointing out she misses her family, something Marcy never considered given her own reasons for leaving and how Sasha likely dosen’t have a happy family life herself.

This.. this is Haley Tju’s finest hour. She’s done good voice work before, especially in this series but here, with Marcy’s anguish, desperation and guilt all leaking out as she tries to get her girlfriend not to turn away from her. it’s all just amazing heartbreaking stuff and I salute her and the animation does her fine acting a service and shows every bit of pain in the poor girls face.

Anne naturally does turn away a bit and Marcy cries.. but Anne quickly recovers... while she obviously isn’t entirely ready to forgive Marcy JUST yet, it’s clear she wasn’t thinking straight and did all of this out of desperation... and that the hulking dickbag who betrayed them all and is gloating about all of this manipulated her, preying on her desperation and anguish to finish his plan. Marcy fucked up big time, no question.. but ANDRIAS is the true monster here, and if he’s not stopped this world she’s grown to love and the one she left behind will BURN. Anne may be many things: impulsive, kinda weird, easy to anger.. but she is over all that a HERO. And there’s a villian to stop

Andrias, while not seeing them as remotely a threat, does admit this will probably be fun and the fight begins, with our heroes, including Marcy, easily besting the Obsdian Swarm.. as i’m calling them now. It’s a cools equence.. but ultimately futile. Andrias is FAR more powerful than he’s let on with the box. And shows it off by destroying toad tower before coming at them with a fire sowrd, easily swatting them aside like flies. They try their best to fight back but it’s not much use, and Andrias NEARLY crushes polly to death under his fist. Yes a fucking child. What a dick.

Frobo saves him... and sadly this is the end for our new friend as Andrias is mildly amused that one of his creations glitched.. then smashes him into robotic paste. Polly rightfully calls him a monster and his response is as chilling as it is wonderfully dickish: “Don’t worry, your next”.

Thankfully though she got out of the way.. because she has LEGS now. It’s also why I keep saying 8 months, though it’s likely more like 9 given it took a month to get to newtopia:

The prophecy has come true! And while she stumbles for a second Polly quickly proves she can really move, she has an attitude and she’s the fastest thing alive by grabbing the box seemingly winning.. except Andrias has sprig in his fist and is going to crush or drop him ulness she stops. And despite Sprig BEGGING his sister to let him go for the sake of everyone else, like any good hero she naturally puts the box back.

Anne begs for him to let Sprig go since he got what he wanted and he’s her best friend in this or any world... but all this does is insprie Andrias to DROP HIM OUT A WINDOW, bitter over his own past and eager to torture her some more. This really shows off who Andrias REALLY is now the mask is off; a sadistic tyrannical bully who relishes in making his victims really squirm, revels in malevolence and is just so damn gleeful about it: Not to say BIll Cipher levels more of a cold, cruel enjoyment of things.

As I said earlier Keith David makes a motherfucking Seven Course Meal out of the second half of this episode, utterly stealing the show now he can play Andrias as he truly is: not skulng in the shadows with ominus hints he’s evil or pretending to be nice, but instead as a sadistic brute who delights in suffering and wants nothing less than everything under his boothill. in short he’s an AWESOME antagonist and while Keith David has played TREMENDOUS villains before, this one will easily be his best if the writing holds. Andrias is Keith David at his fucking best and proves the Disney legend has EVEYRTHING left in the tank even as he approaches 70′s. Jesus I fucking love this man.

So this causes anne to retreat into herself, leaving us in a black void as Anne remembers all the good times.. and goes MOTHERFUCKING SUPER SAYIAN. Well more accurately super sayian god super sayian, or blueper sayian if you will, but still i’ts a n utterly striking sequence and a clear direct shout out with Anne getting her powers the same way Goku did: loosing someone to an utterly cruel bastard. Same with Gohan’s upgrade to super sayian 2. It’s just a truly striking sequence as she powers up in a FULL rage, DEMANDNIG he give him back.

Andrais is stunned, clearly knowing this was something she was capable of but thought she could no longer do as the box shoudlv’e drained her of the ablility, while Hop Pop and Grime wonder if this is a human thing.

So Anne WAILS on the fucker, easily besting a shocked andrias despite his best attempts.. but she tires out and he swats her aside, gleefully noting she dosen’t know how to control it. Sprig turns out to be okay though. Marcy went and saved him while Anne was rippig Andrias asunder.. and then activates the box. Sasha and Grime hold him off while Anne makes a run for it with the plantars while Andrias gives out your standard villian big no. Anne and Fam make it... but Marcy is taking a sec.. and that second gets her GUTTED. Not an exageration or me being a smart ass like usual.. Andrias RAN HER THROUGH WITH HIS SWORD.

His only response is “Look what you made me too and Anne and crew are warped away, unable to save her.

So we end with our heroes landing somewhere and Sprig wondering where they are... where they are is on the top of a car on a busy Los Angeles Freeway... and in front of two very weirded out humans. Anne is home.

So now for the part that wasn’t in the original release apparently: The teaser.. aka THE MOTHERFUCKING SEASON 3 OPENING.

youtube

Hell. Yes. Just a few quick personal notes before we hit the wrap up: I love how the season will be on earth, a nice change of pace, how the Boonchuy’s have very clearly warmly welcomed the plantars, the expanded cast at the title card, and how Disney just let them go ALL out for this one. They’ve clearly stopped being cheap assholes when it comes to letting intro’s change or at the very least got this was the very end of the series and thus important enough to gussie up. But yes the end is nigh.. and probably not till late this year if this year AT ALL And I will return for it. Well return to doing this show anyway, i’m not going anywhere. They’ll have to pry this blog from my cold dead hands.

Final Thoughts:

This episode is the series best so far. My only honest complaint is the Toad Invasion comes and goes really quickly and I question why it was crammed into half the episode. Don’t get me wrong, Andrias’ rise needed the full 10 minutes, but I question why we dind’t get an episode before this settingit up and THEN have it happen over half an episode, epsecially since we spent an entire episode on getting the other toad barons involved only for ONE of them to show up for all of five minutes.

Otherwise though? Yeah no notes. The cast is at the top of their damn game, with Brenda Song, Hailey Tju and Keith Motherfucking David as the standouts, the animatoin is likewise, and it pays off a thing or two you wouldn’t expect like the acting episode. This is a truly outstanding finale, one that has now joined other all time faviorite season finales such as “You’re In Control”, “Reunited”, “The Crossroads of Destiny”, and “Moonvasion”. I will be watching this again when it comes to Disney Plus. Masterful stuff.

As for the season as a whole.. this was a great season. While it did start a bit rocky with the road trip arc, which I’m still not a huge fan of as I feel it mostly wasted an awesome idea of them going on a world spanning roadtrip with some fairly weak episodes, with the exception of standouts “Truckstop Polly” and “Wax Museum”.

But once we got to Netwopia it got better, with better spotlight episodes, the pacing picking up and Marcy joining our merry crew. And it hit it’s peak with the second half of the season: the return to wartwood effortlessly combined slice of life with the compelling temple episodes. It was also a nice break before the utter hell that arrived in the finale, but still nicely lead up to said finale. This season may of STARTED bumpy but it finished at it’s highest point and with one epic finale to go it’s only going to get better from here.

As for this blog the same holds true: Review wise next week i’ll be taking a break from normal reviews to do a week’s worth of Goofy based content in time for his birthday, from shorts, to goof troop, to hosue of mouse, to an obscure special, all leading up to the Disney Classic A Goofy Movie. So stick around.

And if that dosen’t do it for you I have an ongoing retrospective on the story arcs of ducktales season 2, i’m nearing the end of one on Scott Pilgrim and in the middle of one of The Life and Times of Scrogoe McDuck. and if you prefer weekly reviews, as I mentioned earlier offhandidly i’ll be covering the Owl House! LIke Amphibia i’m starting with Season 2, but just like with this show i’m excited as all hell and hope you’ll join me. And if you need even more I have a patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, where I have exclusive reviews if you choose to back me as well as exciting stretch goals, one of which down the line is reviewing season one of this very show. So join it and if not that’s okay too, either way.. it’s been a pleasure.

#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #true colors #anne boonchuy #marcy wu #sasha waybright #grimothy #captain grime #sprig plantar #andrias leviathan #keith david #hopidah plantar #polly plantar #frobo #genera yunan #lady olivia #disney channel #disney now

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nerianasims · 4 years ago

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Billboard #1s 1978

Under the cut.

Player – “Baby Come Back” -- January 14, 1978

Apparently I'm positively disposed to what's called "yacht rock"? I'd have called it 30-something dinner party rock. Anyway, apparently this is an example. Like all of that genre, this doesn't feel deeply emotional even when the words are. "I was wrong, and I just can't live without you." It's basically calm, and I'd even call it kinda groovy. It's not slow though. It's not going to change the world, but it's good background music for a party among people who have to get home before the babysitter needs to leave.

The Bee Gees – “Stayin’ Alive” -- February 4, 1978

I don't like the movie Saturday Night Fever at all. And I don't like its biggest breakout song either. The lyrics -- who cares, the lyrics are an excuse for Barry Gibb's falsetto to pierce your brain. I was going to clubs during the short disco revival of the 90s and I don't remember this song being played much.

Andy Gibb – “(Love Is) Thicker Than Water” -- March 4, 1978

This guy was a teen idol. I didn't understand the popularity of the teen idols when I was a teenager either. To me, they almost always have the sex appeal of a potato. As for this song, musically it sounds like a TV theme, and the lyric "love is thicker than water" gives me the giggles.

The Bee Gees -- "Night Fever" -- March 18, 1978

Barry Gibb's falsetto. Nope. The lyrics make this technically a love song, but they don't matter, this song exists to be danced to. Badly.

Yvonne Elliman -- "If I Can't Have You" -- May 13, 1978

This was written by Barry Gibb. Obviously I don't like it, though thankfully Yvonne Elliman's voice is fine. It's about how if she can't have you, she doesn't want anybody else. She sings in a kind of weird breathy way. And, as it's a Barry Gibb song, the second half of the song consists of the chorus repeating 50 times with some boring instrumental stuff.

Wings -- "With A Little Luck" -- May 20, 1978

That's quite the synth blast. Some of the lyrics are nice: "There's no end to what we can do together." But others are terrible: "The willow turns his back on inclement weather" and "with a little luck" repeated at least two dozen times. The message seems to be that you should pretend difficulties aren't there and just chant a bunch or something. But willows don't turn their "backs" on the wind. They bend with it, and that's how they avoid breaking. So this song's message makes no sense and it is musically boring except for the first couple bars.

Johnny Mathis and Deniece Williams -- "Too Much, Too Little, Too Late" -- June 3, 1978

Musically this sounds like a parody of the late 70s. It's weirdly peppy and sounds like a commercial jingle, but it's about breaking up. My brain keeps trying to mash these things together and returning a divide by zero error. These two paired up again later to sing the "Family Ties" theme, which is actually a better song, and I'm not saying the "Family Ties" theme is great.

John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John -- "You're the One That I Want" -- June 10, 1978

I confess: I like Grease. The musical, not the substance. Yes, it's nostalgia-bait, and it's goofy as hell in many ways. And yet I can't resist it. I also like this song. It's been picked over and analyzed to death, about how Sandy's changing for Danny how awful blah blah blah. Well, he was wandering around in a letter sweater before this song, planning to become a square for her. Then Sandy sings at him "You'd better shape up," and he ends up following her around in public on his knees. Sandy wouldn't have wanted Danny in the first place, and become friends with the Pink Ladies, if there weren't a "bad girl" in her screaming to get out. What can I say -- I identify. Also this song is catchy and fun, Olivia Newton-John is excellent at acting a song, John Travolta was excellent at cheese, and they had great chemistry.

Andy Gibb -- "Shadow Dancing" -- June 17, 1978

Andy Gibb died young because massive amounts of cocaine and alcohol wrecked his heart, so I feel bad about disliking all his songs. But feeling bad about his short life doesn't mean I feel good about his music. This was written by Barry Gibb, so of course I want nothing to do with it. Also Andy Gibb's voice is incredibly weak. The lyrics are about sex, whatever, I don't care because musically this song is pretty appalling to me.

The Rolling Stones -- "Miss You" -- August 5, 1978

It's interesting hearing Mick Jagger try to weaken his voice to sound like other male singers of the time. This is disco. With a rock edge, because it's the Stones, but still... disco. Specifically, Bee Gees-inspired disco. Including the falsetto interludes. Nope nope nope, I do not accept this from The Rolling Stones.

The Commodores -- "Three Times A Lady" -- August 12, 1978

I can't hear this song without hearing Buckwheat. So um. Lionel Richie is the lead singer here, and I don't like any Lionel Richie song I have ever heard, and this is a Lionel Richie song. Eddie Murphy's version as Buckwheat is better.

Franki Valli -- "Grease" -- August 26, 1978

Grease, the musical, is a not-really-guilty pleasure of mine. "Grease", the song, isn't. It's the worst song on the track. It's about nothing, it sounds 70s and not even 70s pretending to be 50s, and it's Franki Valli. Thankfully he doesn't do falsetto, but I still find his voice unpleasant. Also the song has almost nothing to do with the musical.

A Taste of Honey -- "Boogie Oogie Oogie" -- September 9, 1978

Disco, but disco with actual oomph, unlike anything that came anywhere near Barry Gibb. It's one of those dance songs commanding you to dance, and it works. It's got an interesting, and existent, bassline. Hazel Payne's voice is good. The song changes up a bit musically throughout. It's excellent, even if "boogie" sounds a little silly these days.

The Exiles -- "Kiss You All Over" -- September 30, 1978

I said "ew" when I saw this song on the list and I stand by that. There's a lot worse, certainly. I can't even pinpoint exactly why I feel "ew" about this song. The sentiment is fine. The music is fine. It's not a song where the guy demands something of the woman he's singing to without thinking of her feelings. I dunno. It's probably fine. Maybe it's the whole "fine" thing that makes me feel somewhat creeped out. It should be a sexy song and it's just not.

Nick Gilder -- "Hot Child in the City" -- October 28, 1978

This guy looks like Tom Petty. But he's no Tom Petty. The song's about a teenage sex worker, so uh, there's that. The singer doesn't sound too upset about it, but he doesn't sound too anything about it. This song should have some kind of grit one way or another, but it doesn't. It's nothing. And that's particularly bad when it's such a heavy topic.

Anne Murray -- "You Needed Me" -- November 4, 1978

Anne Murray has a beautiful voice. This song is about having been at the absolute bottom, then someone comes along and loves you, which is a great sentiment. But it should soar and never does. It lacks a chorus, and it needs a big blowout of a chorus. As-is, it feels unfinished and unsatisfying.

Donna Summer -- "MacArthur Park" -- November 11, 1978

Donna Summer is an amazing singer. But wtf is this. "Someone left the cake out in the rain" sung with incredible sorrow is just odd. And then it goes disco, because of course, but -- what? Show me someone's master's thesis on this and maybe I'll understand the song. As it is I am simply confused.

Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond -- "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" -- December 2, 1978

One singer whose singing I despise, and another singer whom I forget exists when I'm not reminded of him. Looking up the lyrics after trying to listen to the song for about 20 seconds, they're lamenting about a failing relationship. With the reasons apparently being "you don't bring me flowers/ you don't sing me love songs." Yeah, uh, if you want the same exact kind of romantic effort put into a long-term relationship as was there in the beginning, you will be disappointed. She doesn't bring you flowers, but what about that dinner she cooked? He doesn't sing you love songs, but how about the fact that he does the dishes and puts the kids to bed? No wonder divorce rates were so high in the 70s. Yep, I hate it.

Chic -- "Le Freak" -- December 9, 1978

This one was played a lot at the clubs I went to in the 90s. It's a good funky dance song with a memorable bassline.

BEST OF 1978: "Boogie Oogie Oogie" by A Taste of Honey. WORST OF 1978: "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" by Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond, but also anything with Barry Gibb's fingerprints on it.

#billboard number ones

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arecomicsevengood · 4 years ago

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I’ve been trying to slow down the pace of my anxious brain, to move it away from the obsessive unsatisfying masturbatory procrastinating of clicking refresh. I want the presence of mind that comes from focused reading, I want to heal the destroyed reward mechanism of my brain. Absent the structure to days that comes with leaving the house, quarantine conditions have exacerbated these problems. I sought out older newspaper strips, because they have a leisurely pace. While no one would actually read a book-length collection a day at a time, in recreation of how they were originally read, the guiding principle that they be taken in as a diversion while doing other things is worth keeping in mind, as it runs opposite to current directives to binge-watch TV shows. Theoretically, having these narratives exist in parallel to the procession of days would be a nice respite from quarantine’s time-warp effect. However, when reading older newspaper strips, especially if you’re paying attention to the news at all, one is frequently jarred by the presence of racial caricatures.

I really try to avoid being someone offended by work that comes from a completely different cultural context. I’m a white dude, and while I don’t want to be quick to forgive anyone’s racism, I also don’t want to be one of those people that rush to condemn things as a way to posit myself as some sort of enlightened authority. Trying to “cancel” someone who’s long dead really only makes you into someone dismissive of history, which only works to one’s detriment.

Still, when the protests against police violence turned to easily-communicated gestures of symbolic speech, and iconoclastic energy was directed against statues of historical colonialists rather than the more immediate threats presented by police cruisers, conservatives defended such statues arguing their historical importance. This argument is extremely disingenuous. We can choose the historical narrative we want to present to ourselves. While the majority of opinions enshrined in law throughout the course of American political history were those slave-owners and genocide-justifiers, there’s nonetheless a vast cultural history it would serve as well to look to and posit as who we are. Every decision made was the result of argument, the losers of the arguments unaccountably brave. Ever since reading Nicholson Baker’s Human Smoke, I’ve been convinced that if any woman should be preserved on our money, it’s Jeanette Rankin, if only so her story would then be taught in schools. The work of a historian is to make an argument by collecting threads of a narrative out of the collective chaos of ongoing time before it’s all lost to entropy and rot.

Much credit is due to comics historian Bill Blackbeard, who edited the Smithsonian Collection Of Newspaper Comics, for what it is now clear is the considerable effort he must’ve made to avoid including too many depictions of racial stereotypes in his survey. He did so because he was arguing for comic strips being an art form, and avoiding the laziness of racial caricature helps that argument be made. He doesn’t bypass them completely: They’re in a Herriman strip, Baron Bean, albeit only for a few panels. They’re also on prominent display in the McKay Little Nemo strips. Maybe they’re somewhere else I didn’t look at too closely, it’s a large book.

But imagine my surprise and mortification when I bought a big collection of Polly And Her Pals Sunday strips and encountered these “mammy” caricatures in the depiction of servants. And then, when I bought a collection of Walt And Skeezix dailies, there it was again. These strips are well-regarded, considered the best of their day, and the comic strip as a whole was regarded as intellectually superior to the comic books that followed. When Gary Groth wrote his introduction to the first issue of Love And Rockets, these strips were the works he cited as the historical apex of the form.

(Apologies may be in order for my not wanting to actually include the relevant imagery of racial caricature here, and this post being all text. I would definitely need to apologize if I did include them though.)

The thing about the racial caricatures is they demonstrate the limitations of their artist’s ambition. The most charitable reading I can afford to give is that the caricatures exist within a larger context where all of the characterizations are burlesques, intended strictly for laughs, and somewhat thin. Gasoline Alley, currently being reprinted as Walt And Skeezix, is meant to evoke some sense of feeling, and while there are some melodramatic plotlines, the bulk of the work it does to accomplish that end is by being low-key and gentle. If you view the strip not as a light comedy historical piece, and admit you are meant to project your feelings onto the white main characters, you kind of have to concede that maybe Frank King didn’t really see black people as human. You know black people read these strips! It ran in a Chicago newspaper. If you lived in Chicago at this time, you would see black people living their lives, which would surely include the buying and reading of newspapers. It seems really weird to then depict black people as dumb and superstitious, even if the depiction of them as working as servants was primarily how the cartoonist would have encountered them in the middle-class milieu he lived in and depicted.

Herriman is a fascinating complicating factor. Because he’s black, and he’s arguably one of the best strip cartoonists of this era, and was respected by his peers. But he was also white-passing, in all likelihood because he knew his racial background would create problems, including with his peers. I think there’s a strong case to be made for the case Ishmael Reed basically implicitly makes with his Mumbo Jumbo dedication: That Herriman is one of the great artists of the twentieth century, and his art is informed by his blackness in the same way that blackness informs the great American art form of jazz. That his identity was denied to his peers doesn’t make his own art any less great, it simply complicates the ways that art works. But if you think of Cliff Sterrett being one of the guys who called Herriman “the Greek” and then drew this comic strip that features these horrible stereotypes, it just hurts your soul.

Sterrett is even I think someone whose work gets called “jazzy,” because there’s a certain modernist verve to it, a visual inventiveness. While the limit to King’s work is in how well-written you can really view it as being when you’re considering the racism, the limit to Sterrett’s is in how well-drawn and actually wild it is, considering that every strip has the same gridded layout, when contrasted against the more inventive architectures of a Feininger page, or Charles Forbell’s Naughty Pete, or a Garrett Price White Boy strip. (I haven’t actually read the White Boy collection. The people who have read it and like it cite how it’s beautifully drawn, and how not-racist it is in the depiction of Native Americans, as being the things that credit it.)

Here’s something: I’m not even reading the strips drawn by conservatives! I’m not reading Chester Gould, or Harold Gray, or Al Capp. Each of these cartoonist is their own weird thing, with effectively different forms of conservatism, who I don’t wish to dismiss. I can get down with some Dick Tracy strips, whatever. To a certain extent, being an adult in dealing with history means seeing the virtues in people you probably disagree with in many ways. But it’s seeing the weird unconscious attitudes of people you would like to genuinely admire that makes you want to throw the whole project in the trash and start anew, because it displays evidence of such a deep taint.

Racism is basically America’s original sin. Comic strips are, along with jazz, the great American art form. It basically follows that you can’t talk about comics in any sort of accurate historic light without talking about racism. (There’s also racial caricature in Winsor McKay’s Little Nemo strips, obviously.) Reading the supplemental essays in these books of reprints, or critical reviews of them, you realize the desire to distance oneself from talking about the racism in the work is similar to how the conservative view of “American exceptionalism” goes hand-in-hand with a refusal to acknowledge the racist premises at the heart of its founding: People arguing for the exceptional quality of these strips are not addressing the elephant in the room, or only address it in the most cursory and hand-waving way imaginable. They are trying to paint a portrait without blemishes, without flaws, and in so doing depict a platonic ideal that does not actually exist.

These strips are not the work of Robert Crumb, where the racist imagery being employed has ostensibly an satirical end. It’s not Huckleberry Finn either, where the use of racial slurs is commonplace to set up a default mindset that then becomes undercut as a common humanity is realized. I’m actually unclear on if you could print such racial slurs in the newspaper at this time, or if it would be avoided as strenuously as any other profanity that couldn’t run in a “family newspaper.” What you see in these strips is the soft racism of paternalistic attitudes in the twentieth century American North laid bare for what it is. The volume I have of Walt And Skeezix collects the strips from 1923 and 1294, the Polly And Her Pals collection collects work from 1928 to 1930. This was an an era where black people could be reliably counted on as Republican voters, in the era before the realignment in politics that came with the Great Depression and the New Deal.

The current ahistorical posturing of Trump’s Republican party has them occasionally downplaying their overt anti-black racism to claim the “party of Lincoln” banner. So these strips are relevant, essentially, for depicting the sort of status quo the Republican party seek a return to, prior to FDR-instituted social programs, where black people exist primarily as servants and their concerns or agency, beyond how they exist in service to liberal white people, who address them from a place of charity, while conservatives would theoretically exist in all-white enclaves, are dismissed. The racism in the world depicted in these strips is inarguable, but the hope exists, in the eyes of conservatives, that liberals will see the way it flatters them, and wave it away as basically acceptable.

The alternative, as ever, would be in Herriman’s Krazy Kat, “the future liberals want,” where race and gender are forever up for debate in an shifting desert landscape. The issue there, of course, is the basically true argument that the strip doesn’t make any sense, and the more-up-for-debate point that the unique language of the strip is the result of repression of identity and internalized self-loathing. It’s also notable that the strip lacked popular appeal but was allowed to continue existing because it won the support of a wealthy benefactor. Maybe one day we’ll all learn to vibe with it, but I don’t really see that happening.

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looongcat · 4 years ago

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Ozmafia Thoughts

I posted a whole thing on my main but now that I’m using this blog for all things otome, I figured I would try to organize my thoughts because i have so many thoughts.

This is not spoiler free! But I try to label some of the major spoilers.

Caramia

Caramia is the don of the oz family, and it’s his duty to protect his territory, the people who live in his territory, and to sign papers for stuff? Man’s is always signing papers for mafia reasons :) I knew from the start that he would be my favourite. I just love a guy who’s nice. Call me basic, but I just love a man who wants me to be happy and takes cares of me? I love feeling like someone cares about me! He’s also a great cook, and who doesn’t love delicious food? Idk how to explain how I feel about caramia, I liked his personality but I didn’t love his story? I really felt like there was some distance between Caramia and Fuka, like he was in a whole nother world from her. Which you do get to chose whether she’s happy he’s in charge or like she feels lonely. I did however really liked his transfer routes. I did the axel to caramia transfer first, and I felt like it wasnt clear that they slept together, but after I did caramia to axel and I got hit with that axel CG! Anyways, I liked the transfer routes.

Kyrie

I knew I would hate this guy so much. I’m just not interested in a guy who’s a fucking tease. Like he openly admits that he likes it when you’re upset. Like I do not want that TYVM. I found him kinda tolerable in his transfer routes however, probably because he does have to try and make Fuka happy in order to get Fuka to break up with her boyfriend. He really said break up with your bf i’m bored! Also I felt it was kinda weird that he was paying for Fuka’s br*th*l visits. I think its kinda weird that he introduced her to it, and was like encouraging it. ESPECIALLY*** (major super duper spoiler here what will be censored lol) if he thought she was *****

I saw some people argue that he might not actually love fuka, but I think that one transfer route ending, kinda shows that he really does love her IYKYK. but i’m so sus about that ending where he becomes a dumbass, i really think this bitch is faking it! I do not believe him for a second!

Axel

I quite like Axel. I personally don’t mind when a guy is at this level of over protectiveness. Plus as I have mentioned, i just love it when a cold guy is soft for you. I absolutely adore that shit (like when he ask Fuka to treat him as an equal and drop the honorifics? that shit gets me T_T) He also gets extremely jealous very easily, which becomes an area of conflict for him and Fuka and it is up to you whether you wanna forgive him or move onto another guy. Personally, I would forgive him. I would talk to him about it! But I could understand being in your first relationship and not being able to handle your emotions. I think Axel is quite sweet, and he just wants the best for fuka, which is cute.

Scarlet

IDK how I feel about Scarlet, specifically the part where he straight up states he’s a minor! Like what’s up with that? Why couldn’t he be older? However, I did really enjoy his route. It’s super cute and slow burn-y and nothing romantic actually happens probably because he is a minor. Scarlet is kind, resourceful, caring lol. We always love a guy who’s trying his best to keep the peace among everyone, while still providing for his family.

His route also has a bit of plot. It shows what hamelin was like prior to a specific event that you learn about in robin hood. I dont have a specific order that I think this game should be played but it might be interesting to maybe play scarlet’s route after robin hood.

Caesar

As I’ve said before, I don’t mind a man who’s trynna kill me. Idk what’s up with that LOL. Well maybe I like how you can see them change from wanting to kill you to not...wanting to kill you. One thing I remember liking about Caesar was that he usually called you a woman, as opposed to a girl. Which made me feel a lot better, will elaborate more on that later. I think even though he stayed harsh to her the whole time, I liked how you could see he was slowly falling/becoming whipped for fuka. Like the comedy of him wearing that dumb cloak so y’all could watch the stars together. Or like him working at Soh’s restaurant because he had to earn the money, and not just take Soh’s money. Like I loved that! Plus the ending where he isn’t accepted but he keeps pulling dumb stunts just to see you is v cute lol.

Soh

Idk how to talk about Soh without major spoilers. Soh is so sweet. I like how he’s always striking up conversations with Fuka in all the routes, which is probably good for her, considering almost everyone else is pretty wary of her existence. I honestly liked his route and I guess that's all I can say.

*big spoilers* I know most people don’t like Soh, cause he’s the reason for all things bad LOL. Yes he’s using/deceiving Fuka the whole time, but its not like he drugged Fuka or kept Fuka captive lol. Like most of the time he’s trying to keep her safe, and trynna make her happy, even if its probably so he could gain her trust or something. I also feel like his route was kinda him giving up his grand plan, and wanting to run away and be happy with Fuka, which obviously doesnt happen. Idk i liked that he ultimately treated her right.

Pashet

What’s up with otome games giving you a girl option but not the option to actually romance the girl? Her route was fine, and the friendship that builds between Fuka and her is fine. Sorry that’s a little salty lol. I actually thought this route was really cute. I have my reservations about Fuka being in romantic relationships, so it actually was kinda nice to see her make an actual friend without catching feels. Female friendships are absolutely underrated and I’m glad Fuka was actually able to make a friend who is looking out for her best interest.

Hamelin

I usually try not to use kiss cgs but this is the only couple cg and I like using couple cgs. So sorry if this is spoiler-y to you. But how do I feel about Hamelin... you know what I very much liked him. His route is so short and it’s kinda a secret ending. In that sense his route is a little unsatisfying. It’s kinda unclear how Fuka could love him in that short amount of time... but she does. Hamelin is hard to describe because he’s so different in all the other routes. He’s kinda the main villain in most of the routes, aside from his own. You get to see a little bit more of his personality in Scarlet’s route. I genuinely think he is a good guy, and was trying his best! That’s all you can really ask of anyone right?

*slight spoiler* I’m so sad he didn’t get a redemption? You find out why he did the things that he did, and he just... doesn’t get anything? He like doesn't even appear? Just gone into the abyss. I wish Fuka and him could have gotten a happier ending, since their ending isn’t really... happy

Dr Crow

I do not like Robin Hood. Isn’t Robin Hood about stealing from the rich? Like... why is this man treating everyone the same? Why is this man even apart of the upper class? Okay to keep this brief and spoiler free lol. Dr. Crow here is the town’s doctor. He treats everyone the same regardless of what family they are from. In his eyes you are his patient and his goal is to heal you. He’s quite elegant and seems really dependable and then he hits you with some REDACTED

*spoiler & TW for drugging* Fuck this guy. I think what’s worse is that he did not have to drug fuka, she would have gone along with whatever he wanted probably. I’m guessing he did it so she would be in deep sleep. But still, ew gross. How you gonna love your wife and do that. This man is out for revenge and I dont like it.

Manboy/Dorian/Alfani

I barely like Manboy. Honestly I never heard of Dorian Gray before playing this so I was v confused (and if you heard of it then you probably will be more prepared than I was). I actually played this route really early on because i thought it might be funny. It is in fact not at all funny and I was not okay after finishing it. I am a little glad I got it out of the way though, if I left this for like last I would have been v upset and it probably would have ruined the game for me lol. I do kinda wanna replay the route now that I know about Dorian but idk.. i still hate this route so idk if I really will.

If you don’t know anything like me, this is the br*thel route. Manboy works there more as like a receptionist? Dorian Gray is the ringleader, and there’s Alfani who’s the male escort. Feel free to wikipedia Dorian Gray before trying this route. Not to spoil the story but TW you also get drugged in this route too.

Overall Thoughts

I feel lukewarm about ozmafia. In one aspect I like how each route was different and how the different endings actually like split off. I also enjoyed how there wasn’t necessarily a good ending and a bad ending, they were just different endings. Obviously in some routes, one ending is better than the other, and also in others neither endings are great lol. I also quite enjoyed the transfer routes, it felt different, innovative, like ozmafia really tried something there! And the replay ability, the game adds extra scenes that provide more insight towards what the love interest is thinking, which makes replaying to get the other endings very enjoyable. There also an extra scene before each ending, so you could also replay the same ending too. I really went into ozmafia with like zero expectations, and i was both surprised and underwhelmed? I dont think thats the right word.

*MAJOR SPOILERS* There’s this really great video essay called born sexy yesterday, that really explains why I felt slightly uneasy about the whole story. If you think about it Fuka has amnesia, she’s mentally a child but here she in engaging in adult activities with grown ass men ._. and I know I said I liked the transfer routes, but that was before I found out that Fuka is literally a 10 year old in an “adult” body. LIKE WHEN I SAW DOROTHY I WAS LIKE WHO TF LET THIS INFANT READ DORIAN GRAY? Anyways the fact that dorothy is literally like 10 years old, did not sit well with me. Yknow this story is about wizard of oz, so I did have a feeling Fuka was dorthy, BUT WHEN ISAW HER SPRITE, girl i had to look up dorthy’s age and apparently shes somewhere between 8 and 12. So, throughout the game it was a bit uncomfortable because I did feel like Fuka was mentally a child but I kinda justified it as well she lost her memories, so she’s a blank slate like a child, maybe she’ll mature up with memories but uhhh, that’s just not going to happen.

So there are my thoughts. I thought Ozmafia was really different from other otome games because of how each character got their own story, and the transfer routes felt so innovative, as well as adding the extra scenes in the second playthrough! But there’s some bad born sexy yesterday vibes that make me not okay with it. I would recommend the game though. There’s so much content, it took me like a week to finish it all. Plus the art is quite nice.

#personal #ozmafia #on my main I wrote about how I wish the epilogue/grand ending would have done what nameless did #if you haven't played nameless here are some SPOILERS FOR THAT #In nameless like ozmafia there was a main villain who was the cause of everything just like soh #So i liked in nameless it actually showed what like was like for the teddybear and how when eri forgot about him it absolutely destroyed him #which caused him to do all the things to eri in nameless #i think ozmafia should have done that with Soh #like if it maybe showed how well he got along with dorothy and maybe showed her missing the outside world #and then her doing the thing and disappearing and him being like damn it empty here #feel like pure shit i just want her back #like enough he's willing to k*ll

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koholinthibiscus · 4 years ago

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My Tumblr Journey and mental health

What the hell is this? Where am I? What do I do and how do I do it?

You often hear of people getting to their 30′s and feeling more comfortable in their skin and just owning, accepting and loving themselves. Well, maybe it’s because I need psychotherapy, and maybe it’s because I’ve come into adulthood in a period with huge economic and political upheaval as well as a pandemic; but I don’t feel that way. I feel simultaneously old and young. clueless about young things (like tmblr) and clueless about old things (like mortgages... even though I have one)

I’ve deleted Facebook and use twitter sparingly these days so the reason joined this site is to purely vent. To write my thoughts out and send them into the internet ether to languish, probably ignored. But just getting it out might make all the difference to my physical and mental well being so I’m just going to give it a shot and see where things go.

I feel terribly alone and isolated. I have a type of social anxiety that you probably wouldn't notice. You might just think I’m an idiot or a bitch. You might barely acknowledge my existence. I’m pretty average so I may not register. But when I’m done talking I will think and think and think about it. How did I come across? why the fuck did I say that? You think I’m a fucking idiot don’t you? I will simply torture myself forever and ever. And I avoid social interaction, especially with new people, as much as I can. I can just about manage in a workplace setting but all my energy for this is taken up with that.

I feel unheard, unseen and unsatisfied. I feel a lump in my throat and a weight in my chest. I feel exhausted and headachey most of the time. I can’t bear this current situation. I have a visceral hate for my country. I can’t bear sad news. I can’t cope with news that implicates humans as ignorant, unsympathetic, inhumane creatures. I feel deep sadness at the existential threat our planet faces and confusion and sadness when I realise that barely anyone in my real life feels the same urgency and guilt. I have changed my lifestyle (probably not enough) to try and alleviate the guilt but it hasn’t worked.

So I get into things to try and distract myself; fandoms, stories, subjects, video games, novels and I feel sad about it because I feel useless “not good at it” or that they’re a waste of time. I hate myself so much that my hobbies make me sad. How stupid is that? I’ve recently been getting into DnD during lock down and watching critical role. I enjoy it but it makes me sooooo sad and jealous that I don’t have a strong friend group like that who can enjoy playing DnD with the same level of fun, ease and camaraderie. It literally hurts my heart and I’ve been feeling weird for days. So I’ve tried to make myself better by consuming things. I’ve bought a new set of dice and bought some unrelated books.

I skip from one subject or thing to the next feeling unsatisfied and discontent. I don’t practice things, I don’t finish things. I give up. And I feel like I’m giving up at life. I am lazy and stupid. My hobbies, likes and interests feel like a plaster over a gaping wound and was working but it’s not any more. Getting lost in a fantasy world just makes me feel sad I can’t create my own or be with a group of friends, either on line or on person where I can create together.

I am petrified of parent hood. I have an amazing 3 year old. She is a marvel. But I have a constant dread of failing her. Doing too much, doing too little. I want her to strive for happiness. Take on hard things, work at things till she’s good at them, whatever it may be. I honestly don’t care what as long as she enjoys it, has a passion for it and is ultimately happy. I want to push her, but I don’t want to push her too much. I worry about sending wrong messages. I worry about not doing enough with her. I do not want to bring her up the way that my mother brought me up. I am terrified of repeating the same mistakes.

I’m ultimately a kind person who is trying their best but can’t unleash my true potential due to depression, anxiety and self-confidence issues. I get so angry and sad at people who don’t follow the same ideals as me. which.... isn’t ideal. I can’t stand TERFs, racists, ableists, misogynists, right wing people, climate change deniers, ignorant people. I can’t stand it when people think that poor people only have themselves to blame. I hate capitalism and colonialism. I want to change the way the world operates even if it is to my detriment as a white CIS English women living in comfort. I feel trapped in suburbia where nothing changes and no one looks or is different.

I don’t mean to fetishize certain communities with that statement and I reliaze that it’s probably ignorant of me to suggest that everyone is the same too, given that I struggle to interact with people. And I’m not suggesting that I’m some sort of special flower or that ‘I’m not like other women’ (eeww) either, I know there are people out there I would probably get on with but like I say, I struggle.

It frustrates me when people don’t feel the same way politically. I think that people’s politics are based on their morals so I struggle with conservatives for example. I don’t understand them or where they come from. I want things that people need to be owned by the public and free at the point of access, healthcare being the main one and I fear for the future of the NHS. Yes, even if it means higher taxes (but I obviously want the super rich taxed more) I don’t believe billionaires should exist. I want universal basic income. If the human race keeps breeding, if we keep suffering from pandemics, if we progress technologically to the point where mechanization is even more prevalent, we will not need people to have jobs. We need UBI to level the playing field. And I want a vegan world. All of the above makes my head swim with anger and despair. What type of world will my child have to endure when she gets to my age? I fucking hope it’s better than this. I can honestly say that I believe I am on the right side of history with my politics. It is ultimately about being kind and humane. But no... I’m probably seen as a soft SJW snowflake keyboard warrior twat by my family (which is why I went off facebook). Even though I have a masters in Gender studies and a career in social justice work, but sure, I’m just after the ‘internet points’ or want to look ‘woke’. I feel like not many people truly know me and if they do know all of the above and don’t like what they see, I don’t know man, that kills me. I want people to think well of me. I want people to think I am a good person.

I could yap on for ages about this honestly but it would make little sense.

I think I wanted to start this as a place to get my feelings down because I am starting a journey of therapy soon. My sessions should begin in September but I feel the need to get stuff out now. I’m having a bit of a shit time in my head right now and I felt like I would burst.

I’m already worried that I will appear stupid and self centered. There is nothing particularly wrong with my life. I have a good job that I love but am also petrified of it and of getting it wrong so I self sabotage, worry and don’t believe in my abilities and I’ve been doing that since college. (I need to un pack how I feel about work and my actions around it, I have a lot of thoughts, maybe for another time)

I pick the spots on my face till they become angry red welts, I pick the skin around my nails till they get infected and then I hate myself for how I look, even though it was my fault in the first place. I don’t shower, don’t wash my face, don’t get enough sleep then look in the mirror and see my greasy lank hair, baggy grey eyes and bad skin and I just hate myself. Is this an analogy for the entirety of my personality? I am my own worst enemy and I need to give myself a fucking break. Easier said than done.

Things to unpack in therapy:

My work

My politics and how I interact, deal with people who don’t feel the same way as me

My child hood and family dynamics - It’s fucked up y’all.

My Child

My husband

My past relationship

The sick thing I do at night when i think about horrible things, like the death of my child for no god damn reason. (Is it punishment?)

It’s frustrating being so aware of my issues and not feeling able to do anything about it.

It’s probably an effect of lock down but I have been feeling really bad consistently for a very long period of time now and it’s exhausting. I always have peaks and troughs, feel great to OK for sometimes a good few months then it just comes down on me like a bag of hammers and I feel like death for 2-4 weeks.

I’ve been having those hiccups more often and for longer. I’m so fucking tired man. A couple of months ago a I had a terrible headache for 4 days, could barely move and felt tearful all the time. I just thought it was a migraine attack at the time (which I very very rarely have) but I coincided with a particular event that I’m not ready to talk about (It’s really not that juicy it’s quite fucking pathetic actually) and I think it was a major depressive episode.

I think I’m done now, I’m emotionally exhausted after reading this through and my throat hurts from trying not to cry. Maybe this is the start of my tumblr journey maybe I’ll delete it all in a few days I don’t know. I had to try something.

#mentalhealth depresson anxiety tumblrnovice isthishowhastgaswork?

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lesbiangenkai · 5 years ago

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i kick a hornets nest, or: some kurahi thoughts

kurahi is one of those ships i have sort of drifted around and sort of avoided partially through no fault of its own and mostly due to some really bad takes and lots of bad content relating to it but there’s still something about this ship thats kind of interesting to me because its actually really fascinating in how the characters are very similar, can relate to each other and do have chemistry but also there is a very weird disconnect between them throughout the series where they feel like they are simultaneously two people who’ve known each other for a while but actually don’t seem to know each other very well at all, or are for some reason unwilling to know each other deeply.

the two shots story where they first meet is really telling because they become friends based on their emotional connections - not because of power or convenience. hiei only asks kurama his name after he makes maya forget him, because despite wanting emotional connection he feels it’s better if he remains unknown to her. and hiei obviously sees a parallel of himself and how he feels about telling yukina who he is - he cares but also thinks himself unworthy of emotional connection. i think both characters understand this about each other (with kurama maybe being more emotionally aware than hiei at the start, obviously). however this makes his betrayal of hiei at the start of the series seem even more callous. after knowing hiei for a year, and even knowing hiei has someone he cares for, kurama ditches him without much thought and later actively sabotages his plans for yusuke without even trying to vouch for him. i think his decision makes sense - yusuke helped save his mother, hiei is being an ass, and this is still a kurama not fully down with the idea of teamwork or trusting people, but it does suggest a distance you wouldn’t expect from two people who have known each other for that long. and i think it’s that kind of interaction that continues throughout the series that always throws me off about these two. i’m actually never really sure what i’m supposed to feel about their relationship.

in chapter black there’s a specific scene that always stands out to me, the scene where they’re trying to get hiei to come to the mansion to save yusuke. hiei is throwing out his usual attitude of ‘whats in it for me’ even though at this point, the audience has caught on that it’s mostly transparent and he does care to help. however instead of just letting hiei have his tantrum and trusting him to do the right thing (it is yusuke after all, as if hiei would let anything happen to him) kurama tries to (unsuccessfully) manipulate him into going. it’s not malicious, and again, his choice here makes sense, but this interaction doesn’t speak of two people who intimately trust each other. kurama comes off as cold, even. it’s just really jarring especially when the anime adds a bunch of light hearted banter between them, im assuming to let the pair ride along on subtext but it just makes moments like this really awkward.

& honestly i think leaning into the awkwardness of them actually dating would be kinda funny but ultimately pretty boring and unsatisfying because it’s sorta like a staring contest where neither person wants to blink first. i think i’ve said before i imagine a date between these two to be them in a room where they are each just doing their own thing and not speaking to each other which can be fine to a point but eventually i just have a million questions like does hiei, who is known to communicate emotionally through physicality/violence (see: the fights w yusuke and mukuro) have the patience to deal with kurama wanting to talk about his guilt for 6 hours or would he be like ‘well let’s just fight in the woods for 20 minutes and you’ll feel better, idiot’. at some point hiei would have to relent and be vulnerable despite fearing rejection and kurama’s going to have to submit to the mortifying idea of Being Known but it’s hard when one person is hiding under layers of pride and ego to avoid that rejection and the other is too busy also hiding under several carefully constructed masks because they think they don’t deserve affection. either one of them could be capable of making the first step but that can only happen if one person is open to receiving the olive branch and...neither comes off as willing to do that, at least during the series. i think it’s actually more interesting as a complete mess like this, where they both make missteps and the relationship ultimately doesn’t work out but the first steps towards actively trying to be in one are explored. i’d actually say it fits in better with the narrative like this given how the series ends rather than the ship just sort of. being there and existing without examining all this stuff.

really that’s the most frustrating thing to me about this pairing because, despite a lot of this pairing gaining popularity on its subtext, i think it ultimately works against it when there’s so many things that you’d like to see addressed in...actual text. how would they work through their emotional issues? the closest we see is when kurama kills amanuma, hiei basically tells yusuke to leave kurama be and he’ll sort himself out - although its revealed not five minutes later kurama is actually not sorted out, he’s devastated, and is just sitting on layers of guilt he needs to talk about. you don’t get to see if hiei’s just trying to help kurama save face, if he buys into kurama’s stoic facade, or if he realizes how kurama feels but just prefers not to pry. (ffs itsuki of all people gets a monologue about kurama’s emotional state after all that and not hiei. ITSUKI.) how would they deal with their living situations? these are two characters not even willing to live in the same world as each other, and even a situation where hiei is frequenting the human world there’s a very big difference between hanging around when he feels like it and being committed to playing house the way kurama wants to. and i'm ngl, it doesnt seem very likely that hiei would be ready or willing to do that.

at the end of the day i know its all just very lackluster because togashi doesn’t seem to give a shit about actually writing romance and his reaction to this pairing when someone brought it up was just as lackluster “oh yeah i guess i could’ve done that oh well”. and the anime threw everyone a bone but didn’t really commit but it’s still interesting to think about and fic exploring these hurdles could be interesting for sure (and i mean like...actually dealing with them not ‘well kurama’s waiting for his mom to die to bounce this solves everything’) but i also sort of just think of them just being okay as like...two dummies who maybe tried to make this happen and it just didn’t, and now hiei’s just the ex that shows up at kurama’s occasionally to sneer at his choice in neckties.

#yyh #meta #text

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thebastardofgloucester · 5 years ago

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So...The Rise of Skywalker (Spoilers, obviously)

No Star Wars movie is anywhere close to perfect. Frankly, they all have serious flaws of logistics or plot logic or characterisation changes or deus ex machinas or lack of originality (which includes A New Hope when you look at its inspirations). It's pointless and silly to pretend otherwise. At its best, Star Wars overcomes that with captivating characters, glorious spectacle, and John Williams.

I think you'll all be familiar with how much I disliked The Last Jedi (and chafed at being lumped in for disliking the movie in with bigots, unimaginative fanboys, and the like).

I liked The Rise of Skywalker. A lot. It had more than enough to offset its major shortcomings, in my opinion. It was not 'soulless,' it was not a complete recreation of Return of the Jedi anymore than The Last Jedi was a rough retelling of The Empire Strikes Back, and it was not as bad or incoherent as Attack of the Clones, jfc are you high

There are certain areas where I am more sympathetic to that not being the case for some people than others. I don't think it completely junked The Last Jedi, but it did demonstrate a huge gap in creative visions, preferred plot structures, and other priorities. Blame for that should not lie with JJ Abrams (or Chris Terrio) or Rian Johnson, who did what they thought was best, and what they were hired to do, and what they thought audiences would enjoy. It should lie with the Lucasfilm story group and Kathleen Kennedy, who had every opportunity to make a trilogy with a united vision and simply declined to do so. (There are a set of different issues with Disney that I'll get to)

Anyway, here's my take on individual components.

Rey ‘Palpatine’

We might as well start with the single most contentious part of the film, and where it is perceived (wrongly, in my opinion) to clash the most with The Last Jedi: Rey being of the Palpatine bloodline.

Rey's arc was about pushing past her own past traumas and doubts and the repeated attempts of other people to define who she was to make her own identity. It is about the refutation of destiny, of genetic determinism. I'm not really sure how anyone really came away with a different impression. I understand being annoyed that Rey couldn't just come from nothing, but call me an annoying fanboy - I wanted some explanation for how Rey was a match for the grandson of literal Space Jesus. Anakin being the most powerful Jedi ever born (and how he was failed by those who were supposed to guide him to that destiny) is kind of central to the entire mythology of Star Wars. Is it reductive and elitist? I guess. I certainly enjoy having Jedi not born of the Skywalker bloodline in the old EU and the Clone Wars/Rebels story. I was frustrated by killing off all of Luke's students as part of resetting the universe in The Force Awakens, and never learning anything about them.

Honestly, as somebody who was in the Rey Skywalker camp (and wrote fanfiction to that effect!), I was glad to be wrong. This was better. It gave Rey more agency, and emphasized found family.

The exposition is weird and clunky. JJ clearly meant for Rey to have some kind of blood link to the previous mythology of the series - you cannot watch the sequence in Maz's castle and tell me otherwise. Rian didn't want to tell that story. JJ did. Kathleen Kennedy and Lucasfilm threw their hands up in the air and Disney raked in the cash. Looking at that Maz castle beat, there's a very good case to be made that Rey was supposed to be either a Skywalker or a Solo, and Palpatine was JJ's attempt to not completely throw out Rian's idea (that her parents went into hiding, becoming 'no one,' abandoning her and being killed somewhere else - their motivations in TLJ (drunks ditching her) are imputed by Kylo and Rey's own fears of abandonment, remember).

Weirdly, I think that of the outcomes, Palpatine was the best one. Explaining how Rey ends up alone on Jakku when she's related to either Luke or Leia is pretty hard without further damaging their characters. Palpatine having lovers, mistresses, whatever before Mace melted his face is gross but entirely plausible. The timeline is...confusing - I guess there's enough basis for Palpatine still having agents running around, chasing down Rey, that even years after his death Rey's parents would leave her behind in an attempt to protect her. It's a bit muddy, but so was Anakin being Luke and Leia's father before we had the prequels. A novel here would probably help if it is written competently)

The point is that Rey's arc refutes genetic destiny. Instead of being afraid of her, as the Jedi were of Anakin (and to an extent, the Skywalkers were of Ben) Luke and Leia (specifically Leia) allow her to grow into her own person, and ultimately she chooses to take the name Skywalker to honor them (and Ben's sacrifice). The problem in my mind is less that Rey is a Palpatine by blood or a Skywalker by choice, and more that she's the only Jedi standing at the end of the trilogy. Making Finn's absolutely obvious force sensitivity a bigger deal narratively in TROS would have helped a lot (more on that later). And we still have the important implications of Broom Boy! He's not erased from existence, there simply wasn't room for his story in these 2.5 hours.

The First Act (and a bit)

The first 30 minutes or so of The Rise of Skywalker are...nuts. They feel less like a movie and more like a series of trailers or a 'previously on' for a movie we never saw. It's about as well done as it could be at establishing plot threads, the situation of the Resistance v the First Order, and where characters are starting from, as you could reasonably expect, but it's like cramming the entirety of the Jabba's Palace segment of Return of the Jedi into about half its runtime, at most.

What it comes down to, and I said this at the time, is that The Last Jedi is a very bad sequel to The Force Awakens. That doesn't (REPEAT: DOES NOT) make it bad film, or even a bad Star Wars film. But in terms of what the middle movie of a planned trilogy should be. It is. Not Good. JJ had seeded hints of Rey's origins and opened a bunch of mysteries. You can contend that he never intended or was never capable of answering them, and I think that's entirely unfair and reducing JJ's opus to the unsatisfying ending of 'Lost' is stupid and lazy, but they were there. The Last Jedi threw all of that out with extreme prejudice. I deeply disliked that; other people didn't. Either way, you had a problem (and you would have had even more of a problem if Colin Trevorrow had directed Episode IX as planned - this could have been SO. MUCH. WORSE.). The Rise of Skywalker is a natural sequel to The Force Awakens, though Palpatine's return could have been foreshadowed much better (or at all, if we're honest?) and it really makes me wonder how much changed from the first drafts of The Force Awakens to the version of The Rise of Skywalker we saw on screen.

I saw some criticisms that we had to read the tie-in material (including a bit from Fortnite??) to understand all the specifics of what planets these were, who Kylo Ren was murdering, etc...I don’t really think any of that was particularly important. It actually opens up a ton of new storytelling opportunities and made the universe feel big again, which The Last Jedi didn’t, at least for me. Apparently the planet Kylo is fighting on is Mustafar. That...doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense (maybe we finally have a Star Wars world that isn’t a single biome?) but it wasn’t actually that important. We saw Kylo searching for the Sith Wayfinder and murdering anybody in his way, we saw Poe and Finn being pursued from one end of the universe to another, and we got the 16 hour deadline before the fleet was ready (which was...weird, admittedly, but not in the slightest less weird that the fleet running out of fuel on a slow-motion chase or needing to fly off to an entirely different system to find a ‘code breaker’ to counter a techo gadget thing that let you trace people through hyperspace.

And yeah, if you are going to forgive The Last Jedi the dumb codebreaker/fuel shit which led to the detached Canto Bight B plot, you have to just acknowledge the Wayfinder thing as a macguffin that gets the plot moving in a certain direction and gives a clear path from narrative point a to narrative point b. Rian is not ahead of JJ on this aspect.

The subsequent fetch quest is less about the macguffin and more about the character beats on the way. Kylo and his boy band pursue Rey, Rey realizes her powers are kinda scary and hella impressive (including the healing mechanic, which is entirely precedented in past canon), you get to see some brilliant, funny, and touching moments between the trio we were not allowed in The Last Jedi, Rey discovers hints about her past, and Lando shows up.

We also get to my least favorite part of the film.

Poe Dameron is Better Than This

I do not understand why they ret-conned Poe into having a past as a smuggler, or why Keri Russell’s character was even necessary. You could explain it as youthful rebellion, maybe after Poe’s mom Shara Bey died (both his parents were Rebel veterans - that’s a lot of pressure), but it fits awkwardly into the established timeline.

The one good thing that came out of it was a moment where Poe is tempted to leave the Resistance, but that only makes sense because of Poe’s terrible hotheaded, reckless characterization in The Last Jedi, neither of which at all fit with his portrayal in the Poe Dameron comics (which are excellent). Poe eventually gets where he needs to be, and the conversation with Lando after Leia passes is one of the best moments of the film, and justified bringing Lando all by itself. Oscar Isaac is apparently really frustrated with Poe’s character and I cannot blame him. Rian Johnson started this weirdness, and it is one of the greatest flaws of The Last Jedi and more people need to acknowledge how racist it was to reduce a 30-something brown-skinned veteran to an impulsive, out of control idiot who gets physically and verbally smacked around by two white women, and JJ didn’t really try to fix it. I guess his arc kinda works in a vacuum. I still deeply dislike it. Cutting that entire section down to the bare bones would have made more room for...

Finn and the Triad

The dynamic between Finn, Poe, and Rey was fantastic. There is abundant basis for Finn and Poe to be canon romantic interests, and I cannot conclude it was anything but Disney’s cowardice that prevented that from happening (and honestly, same for Finn and Rey). JJ is no more to blame than Rian - I genuinely believe this came from higher up. It sucks. A lot. What we do get is precious, and frankly makes Rian’s argument for separating them (that they would get along and it would be boring) kinda silly. They are also incredibly funny together - John, Isaac, and Daisy play off each other so damn well, and I was cackling when the Falcon was on fire and Poe was mad about BB-8.

Finn is absolutely force sensitive. It is apparently what he was trying to say to Rey, he has feelings that turn out to be correct like three times, he wielded a lightsaber with some proficiency in The Force Awakens. It’s canon. Why it isn’t explicit is a function of the Force User plot becoming divorced from Finn and Poe in The Last Jedi. JJ and Terrio also could have fixed that, and chose not to.

We got a tantalizing glimpse of what could have been with Janna and the other defectors. It was really good, but it wasn’t nearly enough, and I am Mad about it. To borrow from some great ideas on twitter, Janna could have revealed that her unit heard about Finn on Jakku and it inspired them to defect. They could have together swayed a bunch of reluctant stormtroopers to rebel (they were otherwise just treated as facist canon-fodder, which, not great when a lot of them are child soldiers!). It was perfectly set up from TFA and they just...dropped the ball.

Like I said, I’m Mad. TLJ did nothing with Finn as a defector or the child soldier thing in general, and TROS did the bare minimum. Huge, huge wasted opportunity. We got promises that we’d get to find out more about who Finn is and...we didn’t, or at least, not in the theatrical cut. TLJ had a scene of Finn and Phasma talking about his being a traitor/defector. Rian cut it down to a fight scene and the ‘Rebel Scum’ line. Writers jail for both of them, tbh, though JJ clearly cared about Finn (he’s why the character exists as he does, as why Boyega was cast, and maybe if TLJ doesn’t make Kylo into Rey’s co-protagonist we get something different. I'm not going to blame Rian for something JJ could have fixed if he cared to.

And least we got something, I guess.

Kylo Ben

I think the first time I actually cared about Ben Solo as a character was when Kylo symbolically ‘died,’ and Ben was saved by Rey’s healing abilities. That was excellent writing, even if it was not subtle. I liked Leia and Han (as part of Ben’s memories) have a role in helping him find some sort of redemption. I was frustrated and mad that Anakin Skywalker’s grandkid could be a straight up space fascist with even fewer redeeming qualities. He still deserved to die. He had no family to go back to and he was directly responsible for thousands of innocent deaths and closely linked to the death of trillions. Like Vader, you don’t just come back from that.

Like Anakin, Ben made his own choices. Was he manipulated by Snoke/Palpatine? Sure. He still had multiple occasions to chose differently and did not. It’s part of his flaws as a character. Han and Leia did their best as parents - we find out Leia even abandoned her Jedi training because she was afraid for her son. Ben’s inevitable fall (which mirrors that of Jacen Solo, a truly fascinating character who I will always be Mad about) soured the sequel trilogy from the start in some ways, but it is hard to envision it without Ben turning. I don’t know. I think without Ben being who he was we simply have a different set of movies.

The kiss is...I don’t even know. Rey clearly cared about Ben, and believed he could change, but also refused to compromise who she was in order to pull him back to the light. I would have vastly preferred a forehead kiss or something along those lines.

On balance I’m glad he got a Vader redemption. I think Palpatine came back in part because Ben simply was not a particularly captivating villain, and without him to provide contrast and make the stakes clear, Ben’s redemption is not possible, and that’s arguably an even worse outcome, especially given how he was manipulated so much at an impressionable age. I’m really glad Leia had a chance to influence his turn as her final act in this life (Carrie deserved a better ending but it was the best they could do after Carrie’s death imo).

Grandpa Palps

First, Palpatine finding a way to survive and setting up multiple contingency plans to return to power is completely in keeping with his portrayal in both the old and Nu EUs (a big part of the post-Endor stuff is Operation Cinder, where Palpatine posthumously ordered the scouring of dozens of Imperial loyalist worlds to spread fear and prevent the Empire from continuing without him). Palpatine also LOVES his superweapons - he built two Death Stars, ffs. A fleet of them is not exactly a stretch in terms of strategy. The Rise of Skywalker definitely felt like it owed a debt to one of the more divisive bits of the old Star Wars EU - the Dark Empire series of comics by Tom Veitch and Kevin J Anderson, which have cloned Palpatines, Luke turning to the Dark Side, an ungodly number of superweapons, and a planet where Palpatine hides and builds them after his defeat.

I don’t think his survival ruins Anakin’s arc - Anakin’s actions still destroyed Palpatine’s Empire (that he helped to build) and its 26 year reign of terror. The galaxy got 30 years of relative peace and then a war that was not nearly as destructive or large scale as the Galactic Civil War. People saying it makes Anakin’s arc irrelevant are just being silly.

Retconning Snoke to a cloned puppet (probably an unwitting one) is actually not a bad writing choice. It explains why he was such a cardboard cut-out villain, and why he was so easily defeated. Honestly, I’m far more okay with how he died in The Last Jedi now that I know this (even if the pacing and the placement of that scene is still utterly bizarre).

The new EU set up cults and fanatics around the Dark Side and its avatars in the emperor and Vader. None of that felt particularly implausible to me as a result.

Legacies in the Sequel Trilogy

I really loved the ‘thousand generations live in you’ conceit. I loved the power of the old Jedi, snuffed out by Palpatine, helping Rey defeat him one last time (including my girl Ahsoka, RIP, I'm sure you went out like a badass). These are legacies and powers that don’t require blood ties or dynasties, they just rely on the force spanning the whole of the GFFA.

Ben is offered the chance to either turn away from his grandfather’s dark path early enough to warrant redemption, or to follow it through until the end. He actually chooses to do neither. With Leia’s dying intercession, he ends up following Anakin’s path to an extent, but his story is ultimately about the tragedy of expectations, fears, and the immense weight of the Skywalker name and legacy. All of his family are caught up in it. Rey is mostly apart from it, and then explicitly subverts her destiny to be Palpatine’s heir, and faces her fear of ending up there, by intent or just fate. As Luke says, some things are stronger than blood. Rey’s story is the ultimate testament to that, and it’s a pretty powerful message.

Leia. Oh god. I was absolutely thrilled when we found out she trained as a Jedi, and then served as Rey’s Jedi Master after Luke failed Rey so badly (after failing Ben). I think Luke’s story from TLJ to TROS is easily the most consistent, honestly. He made mistakes, both with Ben, and then with Rey, and he recognized it. The Rise of Skywalker acknowledges that Luke wasn’t right in how he handled training Rey either, and that went a long way to making me better accept how Rian portrayed him as flippant and dismissive and cynical.

Carrie’s absence was so badly felt. As I’ve said previously, I think they did the best job they could with the footage they held back and Carrie’s recorded audio. They managed to give her a relatively coherent story and an effect on the plot which she didn’t really have in The Last Jedi. I’ve seen speculation that it was supposed to be Leia, not Luke, who gave Rey that pep talk on Ahch-To, and in some ways it might have made more sense. Selfishly, I’m still glad it was Luke, because it helped reconcile my feelings about him in The Last Jedi. But they really did a great job in a really, really tough situation.

Rose Tico

Let’s just get it out there: the film’s treatment of Rose Tico and Kelly Marie Tran was inexcusably bad. Whether her character was a great addition to the cast in the Last Jedi or not, KMT faced horrendous abuse from various bigots and assholes, and after making a lot of public promises they reduced her to barely a minute of screen-time and no real impact on the plot. It’s shitty, it’s bad, and JJ and Disney should feel bad.

Introducing a character like Rose mid-way through a trilogy is risky, and while it worked with Lando, JJ clearly had no idea what to do with her. It’s just a mess, it’s the biggest black mark on the film, and on the sequel trilogy more broadly. Nobody comes out looking good here, and Rose Tico needs a Disney + series of her own or something. Protect Kelly Marie Tran at all costs.

The Rest

- Lando was great. So great. I wish we’d gotten the line that his daughter had been stolen by the First Order (and thus was potentially Janna) - we’d better get a book or a film or something. Lando’s conversation with Poe salvaged his character arc. Billy Dee Williams did a damn good job getting in shape for the role. He came out as genderfluid recently. He’s an absolute treasure and thank god they didn’t waste him.

- I just wanted to reiterate how HAPPY I AM THAT JJ ABRAMS MADE LEIA A JEDI HOLY SHIT

- It was a blink and you’ll miss it moment for people who didn’t read Chuck Wendig’s Aftermath series, but the death of Temmin ‘Snap’ Wexley in a battle where his step-dad (Wedge Antilles) made a brief appearance was devastating and I still don’t know how to feel about it.

- The space battles were awesome. Lando and Chewie bringing in the cavalry was what we were so cruelly teased for in The Last Jedi, which I am still mad about. Forget the logistics, forget the story logic, it was awesome. Maybe in the future I’ll be more annoyed. I honestly doubt it.

- Hux lives (and dies) for drama. He’s the pettiest son of a bitch in the GFFA, he would absolutely turn informant to win his fight with Kylo Ren, especially if he suspected that Kylo had killed Snoke and then was an incompetent child. His dying shortly thereafter is honestly exactly what the character deserved.

- On the cavalry moment, and the galaxy rising to destroy the First Order - I loved it in Return of the Jedi’s special edition, I love it here. There’s a thematic resonance with our heroes overcoming their fear and the galaxy at large being stirred to action. I just wish we’d gotten a few ragtag forces to show up at Crait, but that was a choice Rian made. I’m glad JJ chose differently. It was incredibly Star Wars.

- The 3PO stuff was weird, especially given how emotionally centred it was in the final trailers. It was also tied up in the Poe stuff I disliked. I don’t really know what else to say. At least R2D2, BB-8, and him felt like characters, not purely plot devices.

- Chewie - his reaction to losing Leia was absolutely devastating, his relationship with the next gen trio was great, and his death fake-out was...weird. I could go either way with that - killing him would have been a huge risk I could have respected, on the other hand if he was going to go out he deserved better than that (like, say, a moon getting dropped on him saving the life of Han Solo's kid). His ‘death’ did set up a crucial character beat for Rey. And there were, in fact, two transports, I remember that.

TLDR;

It was a fun movie! It tried to do way too much because The Last Jedi was not an effective sequel to The Force Awakens, and that’s on Kennedy and the LFL story group more than anyone else. It nailed the broad strokes of the Jedi/Force plot in my opinion, including subverting genetic destiny and the power of blood ties over everything else. In the process, it let a number of characters down, who were unfortunately also the characters of color, which is: not great.

I found it rewarding as a fan. It rewarded my faith in the goodness of the denizens of the GFFA and the power of found family. I’ve loved Rey from the start and I’m thrilled with how her arc ended with her burying the Skywalker legacy and making a new start with her new family in Poe and Finn (and Rose, damn it). I’m glad it made me feel better about Luke Skywalker and finally made Leia a bona-fide lightsaber wielding Jedi. I was exhilarated coming out of it, instead of exhausted and frustrated like I was in The Last Jedi. It didn’t make me hate Star Wars. It had extreme Return of the Jedi energy, and that is literally all I needed out of this film.

Here’s to a load of more complex, nuanced, and adventurous storytelling that the Skywalker saga never really allowed. I’m still excited for the prospect of Rian working with his own characters in the universe. I think JJ should probably be done.

Chuck Wendig said that the Star Wars universe was junk. Fun, whimsical, exciting, but ultimately not really a well-crafted piece of art. I’m inclined to agree.

#martinus watches the star war #tros spoilers

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love-takes-work · 6 years ago

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I shouldn’t argue with people on Reddit

My clown encounter

I was talking to someone about the Camp Pining Hearts graphic novel on Reddit, and among other things, I made a joking comment about how Mr. Frowney appearing in the audience of the Camp Pining Play to watch Mr. Smiley perform might mean they’re married now. Someone in the comments had this to say to me:

Reddit clown:

That would imply that anyone on SU cares about developing characters.

Follow the jump if you would like some bloviating about how this show fails at complex relationships, a funny conspiracy theory about how fan response directly controls which characters appear and what plots the Crew writes, and a smug conclusion that No One Can Answer This Deep Question and Therefore SU Is A Bad Show.

Reddit clown:

It’s clear that the author is trying to prop up their ship by purposefully making Amedot out to be unhealthy and problematic, even if it means derailing established personality and history. It’s pretty childish really.

“Does that imply what I think it does about Mr. Frowney and Mr. Smiley? Hey, maybe they’re married now. :)”

That would imply that anyone on SU cares about developing characters.

I addressed part of the Amedot comment and also said this:

Me:

Re character development: This graphic novel was not written by anyone who writes for the show. There's not really any constructive conversation I can have from here if your position really is "no one on SU cares about developing characters," though. This just seems like such an unnecessarily negative "lol this show sucks, edgier-than-u" comment that I don't know where it can go from here and I'm not planning to follow wherever you're trying to take this.

Reddit clown:

Well in general, the show doesn’t have a good track record for character dynamics

[link to a blog post on Tumblr which is literally a one-sentence repetition of what they just said about bad group dynamics]

And given that Frowney only appeared once, sadly there’s zero chance of him and Smiley ever getting back together. Same with Mystery Girl and Pearl.

lol ok

people who have only shown up once obviously won’t ever show again

no source needed on having a good track record, we’ll just believe it’s obvious if you can find an example of someone saying this on a Tumblr blog somewhere agreeing with your assessment

Me:

I have no personal stake in whether a rare character appears again--I'm not yearning for either of those people to return--but it's straight-up weird to say someone will never show up again because they only showed up once.

Then again, I remember how confident people were that Bismuth would never return (and how consistently they coupled their absolute certainty with sneering comments about how the voice actor was surely too expensive), so I guess it's not too surprising to me that some folks still think certain characters are guaranteed to never return. Bottom line is you never know when the throwaway mailman character in episode 3 will turn out to be a regularly returning character starting in episode 56. It just doesn't make sense to pretend such things are obvious. You do not know.

As for the continued weirdness of claiming that this group of characters has no character dynamics to speak of, I mean, it's literally one of the things I've appreciated the most all along about the show, and . . . I don't have to exaggerate or read into what I see to find it, nor am I confused about whether it's actually there. I again have no personal stake in whether you feel that way. It just strikes me as a bizarro world kind of comment. You're having a VERY different experience of this show from the one I've had.

Reddit clown:

That’s different. Bismuth was brought back thanks to fan demand. Meanwhile, these are specifically one off characters, especially considering the show’s halfway over. Not everyone can rise above a one shot character.

And can you name any notable character dynamics not attached to Steven? Compare that to say Adventure Time which had great character dynamics.

Oh god

“”””Bismuth was brought back because of fan demand””””

““““Can you name any notable character dynamics”“““

Dear lord what show is this cheese log of a person watching?

Me:

It's really weird that you think Bismuth was brought back because fans "demanded" it. You don't know how the show works at all.

And "then name character dynamics not attached to Steven" is a bizarre request. If you truly did not see the literal thousands of years of history between characters that enhanced who they are and how they act long before Steven was there, me trotting them out isn't going to help you believe it's there. Steven being the strict point of view character creates a situation that Adventure Time doesn't have, so it's weird to expect the show to diverge significantly from the lens it's designed to be viewed through, but believing you've presented a gotcha here is basically admitting you haven't noticed any of the relationships between the characters that Steven actually spent a ton of time discovering--whole episodes were even dedicated to relationships between characters who aren't Steven or aren't relating to Steven when they're revealing such things. It's not even subtext.

Reddit clown:

Well after fan backlash from the episodes Bismuth, they basically had no choice but to bring her back. And given how expensive the VA is, it hurt their budget. And really, what relationships? The whole thing revolves around Steven. The Gems are Steven’s moms, Connie is Steven’s love interest, the town is Steven’s friends. The only interesting dynamic is Lars hating Steven and even then he joined the Steven cult. Look how wasted Lapis and Peridot became when they escaped Steven’s clutches.

Oh this person is one of those

““““the steven cult”“““

The objectively only interesting thing is when someone hates someone

Cartoon Network’s budget was exploded by hiring a voice actor oh god

Me:

Wow. Your obliviousness and misplaced confidence is baffling, but . . . to be honest I feel like I'm watching someone who doesn't understand they're embarrassing themselves, and it's getting uncomfortable.

I know that you don't know what's going on behind the scenes of this show, but it is really bizarre sometimes that fans believe their behavior and their outrage is changing the writing or influencing what characters they use.

You really think fans raging about things is an actual "demand" they respond to. That they "had to" bring back Bismuth because of something FANS DID. Yikes. But I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that people are still saying things like this. Some people still think the writers stole plot elements from fan theories. I don't know why some people in fandoms think they're that important or relevant. The show is not being controlled by our responses in any way. If "fan backlash" worked to bring characters back, there are many others who would have returned long ago.

And isn't that lovely, you've got a little conspiracy theory about how paying the scads of money you imagine are required for Bismuth's voice actor have "hurt the budget" (oblivious to how many voice actors on this show have done more episodes despite being more famous/having higher net worth). You clearly have zero clue about how any of this works, and you shouldn't keep pretending you have knowledge about it, especially not while talking to people who do.

As for relationships, you're not really asking me. Like I said, if I wasted my time trotting out descriptions of relationship dynamics that you should have seen for yourself if you watched the show, there's no way that would convince you they were worthwhile, well-developed relationships if the show itself didn't. I see complex and multifaceted relationships, growth, change, conflict, and resolution, in so many relationships, like Greg and Rose figuring out what love is to them, Ruby and Sapphire growing into a healthier version of who they are together, Pearl learning to think independently of serving Rose even as she struggles with her nature, the long history of Pearl with Garnet, Amethyst with Pearl, even Greg with Amethyst (all things Steven has to discover and understand only partially as the show goes on) . . . but if you truly believe characters in this show who existed before Steven appeared 14 years ago have shown no evidence of having layered relationship dynamics that do not focus on him or depend on him, I don't know what show you're watching and I can't help you.

I don't know why you're even here since just about every bit of content you've posted here is "the thing you like sucks" and completely unsupported comments about why, sourced in nothing. It's just like . . . not even an argument, it's just a weird demonstration that you don't get what's going on so you've concluded nothing is. It's weird, and normally I've got no problem with criticism or spirited discussion, but these comments are just . . . they're empty. They're demonstrations of obliviousness or willful ignorance. It's just so, so weird to talk to someone who thinks they're laying down critical points but reads as so ignorant of what even happened in the source material or behind the scenes.

For the record, this person was going on in other threads about how Amedot is better than Lapidot “objectively” and partly because “it looks cuter,” saying the writing on the entire series is garbage, that “Steven as a character doesn’t make sense,” and that the show’s writers have no standards. Wow edgy.

Reddit clown:

I mean think about it; a famous celebrity gets more likes around the same the animation goes down hill?

And I would consider the following on the writers stealing fan content; keep in mind that Rose being Pink Diamond was a widely circulated fan theory and people were very stubborn about it. It could be that the crew felt like they needed to validate them. This lead to them to an unsatisfying and out of left field twist.

And I simply don’t see the powerful character interactions people brag about. What’s the character dynamics of the Gems? Again, the blog post I posted is the gotcha moment that no can answer.

I reiterate that the blog post referenced here is one sentence, and it says, “For a show that revolves around a group of characters, SU doesn’t have very interesting group dynamics writing (when they bother having them at all).” That is this person’s “gotcha.” That is this person’s “NO ONE CAN SATISFACTORILY ANSWER THIS” criticism.

omg I’m so confused and weirded out by this.

But

THINK ABOUT IT

A CELEBRITY “GOT LIKES” AND THEN THERE WAS A SPECIFIC TIME WHEN THE ANIMATION GOES DOWNHILL

It’s obviously because Cartoon Network was bankrupted in their ANIMATION BUDGET because they had to pay Uzo Aduba

And this was “”””forced”””” to happen by FAN BACKLASH

When we whine about wanting a character back we decimate the animation budget and make it go downhill guise

AND THIS PERSON ALSO ADMITS TO BELIEVING THE SHOW WENT IN A DIFFERENT “UNSATISFYING” DIRECTION THAN THEIR ORIGINAL INTENT BECAUSE THE CREW NEEDED TO VALIDATE STUBBORN FANS. AND THEY THOUGHT THE PINK DIAMOND REVEAL WAS “OUT OF LEFT FIELD.” YIIIIIIIIKES.

I had to stop replying here (and should have much earlier) because like

wow, how can someone have NO ABILITY TO INTERPRET THE CONTENT OF A SHOW and then still be this smug about thinking they’ve got its mediocrity nailed? While also being so confident about thinking they know fans control the structure of the storytelling? Unnggggh

#steven universe #negativity #su critical #myblog

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rookisaknight · 6 years ago

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Ok I've had some time to digest on RDR2 and like, while i really think it had some fuckin masterclass writing and Arthur's final scene moved me in a way I really haven't been moved in a long time, the ending+ Epilogue as a whole is kind of a weird mixed bag for me

1. I don't know if the Epilogue was strictly necessary? Like I understand John Marston is important but given how John's life gets fucked up anyways in RDR1 it feels weird that we go through several hours of gameplay at the end to give him a happy life while knowing the whole time it's all just gonna get ripped away after the credits are rolled. I think if the last we'd seen of John was Arthur telling him to run then the player would have filled in the blanks

2. I'm also unsure how I feel about Arthur not getting to kill Micah. Its of course viscerally unsatisfying for a player to be denied vengeance, but at the same time it can be argued that dissatisfaction is kinda the point. It's a case where I think it honestly comes down to personal preference, while not necessarily being a bad writing choice.

3. The ENTIRE first section at the farm was in bad need of cutting. It really is such tonal whiplash after those last moments with Arthur and it's such an easy fix! Just have the Epilogue start with John jolting awake, a few years later, to an empty hovel. With a sigh he reads over the letter from Abigail, with the implication that she left months ago. We know what their relationship was like, we would assume it's not out of character for them to be separated for a while. And while obviously it'll still be a bit of a tone shift from "watching the hero die" to "watching the heros friend go through domestic drama", but it'll allow the sober tone to play itself out a little more naturally instead of jumping into High Times at the Harvest Festival. After that John can go into town, find Uncle while looking for work, and they can imply the area where the ranch will be is just some land John's been squatting in that he wants to build a home on. We dont need this whole rigamarole of "who's lending who money and let's round up the cows"

3. Positive notes; all the bonding moments with John, Charles, Sadie, and even Uncle are great, boxer!Charles and bounty Hunter!Sadie especially are 😍😍😍

4. Iiiiiii do not understand the Skinners or why they exist. The Uncle torture scene is sad I guess but the thematic tone the game's had going on until this point is that the real danger comes, not from fellow dirty outlaws, but from corrupt law officials and those in bed with them. Adding in a random gang of basically disposable serial killers just breaks that for no good reason.

4. I love love love love LOVE the bonding moments between Jack and John and I just can't even find the words to express how much I adore the proposal. Like, it's gratuitous, sure, but it's just such uncomfortably, gorgeously realistic writing that I don't care. You can really feel Jack's difficult relationship with John and how John wants to connect but is hampered by his own immaturity. Abigail and John just shine so fucking much as this dysfunctional couple, who maybe in an ideal world would have never ended up together, but who despite their difficult and combative personalities really do love each other. I love how the game makes Abigail mean without making her a shrew, how John isn't just a dopey husband "yes Dear"ing through life, but also how he doesn't love Abigail despite her rougher edges. He seems to love her in part because of them. I buy why they fight, and yet I still buy why they always come back together.

5. The entire final battle was pitch perfect to my mind, I just wish it hadn't taken so much fluff to get there. I was also pleasantly surprised that Sadie and Charles survived, since they were going heavy on their "one week till retirement" speeches.

All told the ending and Epilogue is a lot of good moments buried in eight layers of filler. I think it easily could have been half as long, and much stronger for it. That said, it's hard to ignore that this Epilogue also contains some of my favorite writing moments in the game

#rdr2 spoilers #rdr2 #red ded redemption 2 #red dead redemption spoilers #arthur morgan #john marston #abigail roberts #micah bell #dutch van der linde #sadie adler #charles smith #uncle #meta #rook rider

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hypexion · 6 years ago

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crimes of grindelwald: the thought post

Truly the greatest summary of this film is “Queenie shows up at Newt’s house unannounced, and things spiral out of control from there.“

Spoilers below the cut as I ramble about Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald.

(i’m aware it’s been a... while since the film happened but i write slow and this spiralled out of control into a bit of a mess)

So, The Crimes of Grindelwald. In a sense, it’s hard to say more than what’s already been said. The narrative is too busy, the characterization is confused, the plot twists are overdone, and there aren’t even that many Fantastic Beasts. It has some good scenes also but they’re sort of floating in the rest of it. It’s hard to find a starting point, but perhaps it’s best to start with the start.

Crimes of Grindelwald does not begin in a way I would described as ‘clean‘. While the opening scene is fairly good, the plot begins to contort itself as soon as Newt Scamander appears. Newt wants to travel internationally, but the Ministry of Magic will only let him if he goes to Paris to hunt down Credence. Newt says “no“ because he isn’t an Auror. Albus Dumbledore then shows up to bother Newt, and also wants him to go to Paris. Newt, not wanting to go to Paris, says he won’t go. Then Queenie and Jacob show up, and Newt finds a postcard from Tina. She’s in Paris! Newt proceeds to do a 180 on the whole ‘go to Paris‘ thing, and sets off.

The whole Paris dance really seems like it could be streamlined. The whole thing is obviously set up to get Queenie and Jacob into the plot, but there’s no reason for them not to start in Paris and meet Newt there. Sure, it’s a coincidence, but it’s not like the Wizarding World is big. The British magical community seems to consist mostly of three places, including the sprawling urban location of an alleyway in London. This extra complexity is ultimately a portend of things to come, since Crimes of Grindelwald gets rather busy.

Probably my second largest criticism of Crimes of Grindelwald is that there’s too much going on. There are several characters, and they all have several goals that only end up driving the conflict because everyone crashes into each other. Newt and Jacob are looking for Tina and Queenie, while Tina is looking for Credence. Yusef Kama is also looking for Credence, but for murder reasons. Meanwhile, Credence wants to find his true identity, along with Nagini who I assume is searching for why she’s in this film. Leta wants to absolve her crushing guilt probably, and Theseus would like to catch Grindelwald. Grindelwald himself is just waiting around for Credence to attend his rally, and doesn’t really do much despite allegedly being the antagonist of this whole thing. Ultimately, everyone’s goal becomes “Get Credence“ but probably it should have started that way. Then we’d have more time for some Fantastic Beasts!

Crimes of Grindelwald is at it’s best when it’s actually being Fantastic Beasts 2. Whenever Newt is doing his magical zoology things, or unleashing the beasts, things are okay. Even Tina gets in on the actions, moving from ‘gotta kill the beasts‘ to ‘hey let’s do the Newt thing to stop the beast‘. There’s even a perfectly good beast related reason for Newt to go to Paris - a magical circus that could have easily been dragging around some seriously scary magical beasts that Newt would need to deal with. Sadly, Crimes of Grindelwald ultimately care more about the big conspiracy than it does about magical creatures, so mostly we get a few set pieces with them, and that’s kind of it.

Speaking of the big conspiracy, that’s a rather tangled mess. We have one Credence Barebone, who wants to find his true identity. There’s a big thing made of how he’s suddenly the last member of a dying family (or something) and everybody knows it. Except Credence. Eventually, Yusef Kama explains everything - Credence is actually Corvus Lestrange number five, and NOW HE HAS TO DIE. Except no - he isn’t! Leta swapped Corvus with a random baby, and then a boat sank, so Credence is just some random baby. An unsatisfying reveal for all. This is literally the main plot thread of the film, and it ends with what is effectively a non-answer.

But then the film doubles (triples?) down on the madness, and reveals that Credence is actually Aurelius Dumbledore, the never before mentioned fourth Dumbledore sibling. Except this is clearly a deception since the timeline makes no sense otherwise, and this information is provided by Notorious Magic Crime Person Gellert Grindelwald. This whole thing just feels like a twist for the sake of having a twist, which is not really that good of a writing thing.

On the topic of Notorious Magic Crime Person Gellert Grindelwald, he doesn’t really do that much, even though the film is called Crimes of Grindelwald. He certainly crimes, performing murders and break-ins, he conspires to pervert the course of justices and holds a proto-fascist rally in a graveyard. He also tries to destroy Paris, which sort of undermines his point in his proto-fascist rally. I think that, minus World War Skull Vape, Grindelwald’s big speech is actually a pretty good scene. Rather than going for a stereotypical rant, Grindelwald wraps his words in plausible deniability. Muggles aren’t inferior, they simple have a ‘different purpose‘. He shifts the narrative, making his audience into the victims of a world that forces them to hide. And, despite its delivery, the grim warning of another war is enough to shake many who oppose Grindelwald.

Of course, Grindelwald is ultimately a lying liar who lies. In private, he’s already mentioned how he’s going to liquidize most of the Can’t-Spells, and keep the rest as slaves. Yet he still manages to coat his genocidal ideals in veneer of respectability, and it seems likely than many people already thinking “maybe this Gellert chap is speaking sense“ would be pushed into his camp. But if you already think that Grindelwald is a jerk, you’ll probably not be convinced. Especially if you can, I don’t know, read minds.

Which brings us to the true crime of Crimes of Grindelwald: The Character Assassination of Queenie Goldstein by the Coward JK Rowling. It’s tempting to suggest Queenie joins the baddies in order to demonstrate the toxic allure of Grindelwald, except her character starts the film derailed. Nothing in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them suggests that Queenie would resort to straight-up mind control in order to solve a relationship problem. The closest she gets to unethical use of magic in the first film is a bit of minor blackmail in pursuit of saving her sister’s life. Queenie doesn’t even spend that much time around Grindelwald, so it doesn’t really feel earned when she turns. Ultimately, I just can’t get over how Jacob and Queenie are reintroduced to the plot. While the narrative doesn’t entirely avoid the problem with the enchantment, it never really faces it head on. It’s a jarring shift in characterization, and it’s justified by a few mentions of things that happened entirely off-screen.

Speaking of off-screen changes, it’s Tina Time. Here’s a meta-spoiler for you: Tina and Newt are going to end up married. Yay! I know this because the original Fantastic Beasts book says so. Which makes the entire relationship regression basically pointless. Really, it’s one of those weird plot complications the film could do without. Then we could have more Tina the cool Auror who is going to GET CREDENCE for actual reasons, unlike everyone else trying to get him. Tina gets the lion’s share of the character development, which is too say her character actually develops in a way we could expect - she uses the same magic Newt uses to calm down a beast, and that’s pretty good. Tina also immediately understands the magic of Salamander Eyes which is cute goofy stuff that works even though the relationship was put through a mangler for drama that doesn’t even materialize. Really, Tina is the best character in Crimes of Grindelwald since she has a motivation that is both consistent and comprehensible, unlike other characters. I’m not quite sure that Tina really has a character arc in this film, but she at least follows some sort of line, so it’s okayish.

Which brings us to the character with the actual character arc: Leta Lestrange. Leta is mentioned in Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them as Newt’s mysterious person from the past. Crimes of Grindelwald builds up her character on a scaffold of what’s come before - Leta is a non-evil Slytherin, and is part of the same family as Magic Murder Woman Bellatrix Lestrange. People expect her to go along with Grindelwald’s Wizard Fascism thing because she’s from the mystic and circular Lestrange family. But she doesn’t, because Leta is her own person with her own functioning sense of morality. She even has a vaguely sensible connection to GET CREDENCE - she knows he’s not who people think he is, because she was involved in Corvus Five sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Leta is a character with a lot of room for interesting depth and complexity, especially given that she’s got a connection to Newt’s expulsion from Hogwarts. So it’s pretty messed up that she gets killed off to provide emotional damage for the male lead.

What’s terrible about Leta’s death is that it’s utterly pointless. Newt doesn’t need that kind of motivation to choose a side. What Grindelwald is doing is wrong, and as a character who sees the value in the life of beasts and monster where others don’t, Newt should be opposed to Grindelwald on principle. It’s not like Leta is clogging up the narrative either. Her existence actually has a point to it, unlike some characters. Leta had the potential to be more than a tragic backstory and a tragic end, and writing about it makes me super ticked off at the wasted potential.

(Leta is also involved in those weird first person scenes. I found them kind of uncomfortable but if they worked for you I guess it’s cool.)

Now, if Leta is the deepest character in Crimes of Grindelwald, Nagini is the anti-Leta. In a sense, Nagini is not a character in Crimes of Grindelwald, since she barely has a character to begin with. Sure, she doesn’t like being a circus attraction, and is upset by Credence joining up with Notorious Magic Crime Person Grindelwald, but that’s basically it. Mostly, Nagini is just kind of around when Credence is around. Crimes of Grindelwald is simply to busy to include Nagini, yet she’s here anyway. The annoying part is that like Leta, there’s actually some potentially interesting stuff surrounding Nagini, but it is never explored. Nagini is a ‘Maledictus’, a woman cursed to eventually turn into a big snake. This is kind of neat. Not for Nagini, of course. It’s probably very upsetting, but we never find that out since she bearly has any presence in the film. In a sense, Nagini is becoming a Fantastic Beast, which means she has reasons to interact with Newt. Reasons like “hey can you stop me from becoming a big snake, Mr. Magic Beasts Expert”. But everyone is too busying GETTING CREDENCE, so Nagini doesn’t get time to exist. In theory, she could be giving Credence off-screen pep talks, but maybe we could have had something along those lines on-screen instead. On a second viewing, it soon becomes apparent that Nagini averages roughly one line per scene she’s in. Also I think her name is only spoken once? Ultimately, Nagini isn’t a well-written character, simple because she’s not really a written character.

Nagini also has the additional problem of being everything wrong with Expanded Universes. According to J.K. Rowling, Nagini the Maledictus is one and the same as Nagini, Horcrux of Voldemort. Really. JK Rowling claims that she’s known this for twenty years, which is how I know that JK Rowling is a liar. There is absolutely no value, literary or otherwise, for Nagini the Snake to have once been human. More than inane, this detail is just bizarre. Why would we need a backstory for Voldemort’s snake? It makes sense for him to have a big snake, given that his previous big snake died in a tragic sword accident. It also means that Nagini the woman is doomed to become an evil snake. Which is pre-emptive bad story, because I refuse to believe that Good Hufflepuff Newt Scamander would leave a woman to the fate of permanent snakification. Newt even knows Dumbledore, a genius Transfiguration Master. If anyone can stop Nagini from becoming a big snake forever, it’s Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. (In before Nagini the woman is magically split from Nagini the snake, with the snake part slithering off to team up with Voldemort.)

It is, of course, impossible to forget that Albus Dumbledore is in Crimes of Grindelwald. He is one of the many characters who fails to really do much. Okay, he gives Newt a ticket to meet Flamel, but does meeting Flamel do anything for the story? No. Dumbledore spends most of his screen time in a castle, being harassed by Aurors. At the end of the film, Newt gives him a MacGuffin. The end.

Oh, and Dumbledore looks in a mirror. The Mirror of Erised, to be precise. In the magic mirror, he sees his forbidden past: he was definitely, undoubtedly, the subtext is just text, in love with Grindelwald. The presentation of this fact is as subtle as a passing train belting out heaving metal at the highest possible volume. Yet somehow, the film never quite gets around to stating this out loud. While Dumbledore’s relationship with Grindelwald was an interesting footnote in the Harry Potter novels, it is the entire reason why Crimes of Grindelwald is about Newt Scamander and not Albus Dumbledore. It’s like a kind of literary cowardice not to say that Dumbledore is gay, in a film where Dumbledore being gay is actually directly related to why the story happens the way it does. Unlike most of my issues with Crimes of Grindelwald, this doesn‘t fall back to the film being too busy. Actually stating the relationship between Dumbledore and Grindelwald would take a single line, but instead we get a drawn out, yet painfully obvious pile of subtext that dances around the issue. It’s almost as if JK Rowling isn’t as inclusive as she’d like us to believe.

But enough about that!

There are other characters in Crimes of Grindelwald, but at this point they don’t have much going for them. Theseus Scamander is probably one of the only side characters who actually makes sense to be in the story. He’s trying to help out Newt, catch Grindelwald, and get married, but things go wrong for him and it’s kind of sad. Jacob is back, along with his memories of magic, because he was in the first film, and just having him to not be exposed to the Obliviation Rain would be too simple. Yusef Kama is almost a Nagini-tier character, but he does occationally propel the plot forward. He does save Nagini when Grindelwald decides that it’s murder time, which counts as some level of characterisation, but overall he’s squeezed out by other things.

There’s a bunch of minor characters as well, but the likes of Newt’s Assistant Bunty, Bucket Man, Beast Killer Evil Dude and Guy Grindelwald Kills only exist within the scenes they are in. They perform a necessary function of filling out the world, and I suppose they do it well enough.

Having finally, finally slogged through all the characters of note, it’s time to mention the setpieces. They’re pretty good! Magic Circuses, the Black Sheet of Grindelwald, The Big Speech, Grindelwald’s Carriage Adventure and Save Paris are all neat. It’s good to see magical stuff in this film that’s set in a magical world. Otherwise, the colour-scheme is a bit washed out, you know? Fight scenes also feel a little drab, with everyone embracing the “wand is gun“ sort of thing. Except Grindelwald, who does occasionally do fancy magics. Really, this point could apply to the original Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them as well. There’s magic aplenty, but it doesn’t always seem, well, magical, for lack of a better term.

In fact, the whimsical eccentricity of the magic world seems diminished. We’ve gone from “Muggles“ to “No-maj“, “Non-magic“ and “Can’t Spells“. Muggle is a word you can imagine being said in many ways, from serious to slur. No-maj is just awkward. It all feels a little paint-by-numbers, with details being filled out for the sake of details, an attempt to create additional depth. Muggle, I feel, has a sort of depth to it, as a word. It doesn’t quite connect to the concept it describes, yet it seems to fit. No-maj, meanwhile, is incredibly direct, deriving directly from “No magic“. But it sounds wrong. The same applies to “Can’t Spells“. We live in a wonderful world of slang, and this is really the best people can come up with? I suppose this is ultimately picking at a minor detail, which is worth overlooking, since the real problems with Crimes of Grindelwald are the major details.

The ultimate problem with Crimes of Grindelwald is simply that things don’t fit. The individual parts don’t fit together properly, and the side plots don’t quite meet up with the main plot. And all the characters don’t fit into the film, with several would-be major characters ending up as side characters, as everyone tries to Get Credence. At points, the film effectively interrupts itself, as it tries to fit in all the required backstories and character interactions. There are places where Crimes of Grindelwald could be streamlined, certainly, but without extending the runtime, it doesn’t feel like everything the film wants to do can be done.

The final criticism I have for Crimes of Grindelwald must be saved for the end, as it is about the end. Except, Crimes of Grindelwald does not have an ending. Instead, it’s one of those works that simply stops. While Crimes of Grindelwald is obviously setting up for Fantastic Beasts 3 and beyond, it fails as a self-contained work. I can’t help but think of A Dance with Dragons, a book so packed with events that two of the major end events got pushed out of the book and (presumably) into The Winds of Winter. Again, this is a problem that can really only be solved with more film.

So, thankfully, the end is here. I have spent far too many words on Crimes of Grindelwald, and perhaps too much time as well. This “essay“, if you will, is sprawling, vaguely focused and probably not entirely coherent. Which in some sense makes it the perfect review of Crimes of Grindelwald. Both would surely benefit from additional editing passes. Or any editing at all, one might argue. But as a not-so-humble internet blogger, I look up my work and realise something. The time to stop has come. I doubt I’ll write this much about Fantastic Beasts 3. Or possibly anything. Eesh. Now that’s slightly terrifying.

In the end, less can be more, and more can be less. Ultimately, Crimes of Grindelwald misses the mark, and suffers for it, in both plot and in character.

#fantastic beasts #crimes of grindelwald

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seraphineroze13 · 6 years ago

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My Semi-Charmed Mental Breakdowns

Mental illness refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Facing off with these disorders is a challenge especially when you don’t know what you’re doing. I use to think I had to defeat my mental illness on my own in one day. Throughout my life I have realized it’s an ongoing battle. You don’t just get to wake up one day and be like yay I’m happy and never going to feel that way again. Writing about these experiences has opened up my eyes to the fact that it’s a lifelong fight to deal with your mental illness. Sometimes you can’t defeat it, you just have to learn to live with it.

They love you, you belong. They love you, you belong. They love you, you belong. Over and over in my head I repeat those three words. If I say it in my head maybe I can wish it out into the universe. They love you, you belong. They love you, you belong. They love you, you belong. I said these last couple out loud because maybe that would strengthen the meaning behind it. Maybe it would make it more believable for me. Unfortunately there is still that nagging voice in the back of my head. They do not care. They do not miss you. You are forgotten. You are nothing! It screams over everything in my head telling me not to listen to the voice. All of the good memories, all of the phone calls, the texts, all of the kind words falling onto now deaf ears since all I can hear are the words being shouted at me from inside my head. You do not matter. You never mattered. You will never matter. It adds a dark film over all of the memories I use to look at with such happiness and shows me every mistake I made up until this point in my existence. It taunts me every day of my life. It has popped up in different forms throughout my entire life but it does have one quite general name: mental illness.

Depression; it is the first and most consistent form of mental illness that has impacted my life. It did not start with me. I watched my mom struggle with depression for years before I even knew what it was. When I was around the age of 4 or 5 I remember thinking my mom was a Disney princess because of how well put together and happy she seemed. She always had her make-up done perfectly, and when she was with my dad, they lit up the room.

. When I was about 9 everything changed. She stopped putting on her make up every day and caring how she looked. I could hear her arguing with my dad when she thought my sister and I had fallen asleep. The most vivid memory that sticks out in my mind though was from when I was 11 years old. I came home to find my mom in bed. It was odd because it was 4pm and my mom did not get home until usually 7 or 8pm. When I walked into the bedroom to make sure she was okay my stomach dropped. Her eyes seemed so far off, kind of glassy and dead, and she had tears streaking down her face. The sight of her scared me but I figured maybe today was just a bad day. She had a couple of bad days here and there throughout the years so maybe today was just a really bad one. It turned out I was wrong because that bad day had turned into two bad weeks. She stayed in bed for two weeks, calling off work, barely wanting to leave her room. I could hear her in the room crying with the door closed but when I would knock and see if she needed anything she would yell out “I’m fine!” and “Mami will be all right sweetie”. Her hiding away in her room, denying her emotions, ignoring the breakdown is something I know she was taught. Always put on a brave face. Don’t let anyone see you break down; they will perceive you as weak. It is a lesson that my mother unknowingly passed down to my sister and me.

I noticed around 13 that I did not feel as much like myself as usual. The things I loved became boring and tedious. Learning new things in school became such an unsatisfying task that I had to be bribed into learning the coursework so I could pass. I was just barely getting by and I did not understand why everything changed. That is also around the time the voice started. Where no matter what I did right it found something wrong. Where a good time happened it would point out the bad. I started to put myself down and find the bad in any situation so I could have a reason for being so sad, so unlike myself. I waited for someone else to notice that something was wrong, because obviously if no one else sees anything wrong maybe I am just being melodramatic. How could I feel so out of place without anyone noticing a difference in me? Well I got my wish of someone noticing the minute I came home and told my parents that I never wanted to sing again. Singing was a passion of mine and I had done everything in my power to improve my voice up until that point. I had been in choirs, sang almost every song in the car, and even took voice lessons. The day I came home and told them I wanted to quit singing was the day I broke my parents’ heart and made them see just how different I had become. I broke down crying in the middle of the doorway, telling them there was no purpose to singing. “I’m not even good enough to do anything with it,” I exclaimed. “Why waste the time and money on me?” I told them there was nothing special with the way I sang and then I just shut down. I sat on the ground, wrapped my arms around my legs, and just sat there waiting for them to say something. Nothing they said would make me feel better but I knew they were trying. I heard there words like they were far off in the distance. “You are an amazing singer”, and “You are so talented”, and “Everything is going to be fine”, were all sentences that I can remember but I did not believe a single one of them.

Spiraling through the depressive states left me a little worse for wear but when the anxiety and panic attacks started it made everything ten times worse. I was in sixth grade when I had my first panic attack. I did not even realize it was a panic attack until years later when I thought about what had happened. I remember the day was a haze where all I could think about was getting home so I could curl up under my blanket and hide from the world. I ended up leaving school two hours early due to the fact that I was in the nurse’s office unable to breathe. My dad worked at the elementary school down the block so he picked me up and took me home. I could tell he was extremely worried by all the glances he kept casting my way on our walk to the house. When the door opened I immediately felt better. I walked to my room, changed into my favorite pajamas, and went to the living room to spend time with my dad. Being near him has always made me feel better and I hoped today would be no different. Before I made to the living room I heard him on the phone with my mom. I hid in the dining room trying to listen to what was happening.

“She told the nurse she was having a hard time breathing Raquel.” There was a pause which must have meant my mother was talking now. It was a long pause and when I took a peek around the corner my dad’s head was in his hands.

“No she’s fine now. We are going to hang out until you come home then we can talk more about it.” Another long pause and then a sigh. “I understand that but we can’t force her to talk to us. I don’t think she needs to go to the hospital but she does need to talk to someone. Honey we can talk more when you are home. Maybe I can try and figure out a bit more while we watch tv. I love you.” My dad set his phone down and I finally decided to come out from my hiding spot. I sniffled, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall down my face. I sit down next to him on the couch, wrap myself in the blanket, and lean my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me and starts to rub my back.

“Sweetie, are you really okay? This doesn’t seem like a breathing issue since you are breathing okay right now. Did you want to talk about something?” When I looked into my dad’s eyes I broke down. I held onto him and started to sob.

“I just haven’t felt good all day. I had to present to the class and I messed up. Then I almost started crying in front of everyone. After that my chest started to feel tight and like I wasn’t getting any air. I almost passed out in class so then I went to the nurse. I was so scared you were going to say I couldn’t come home because I know the rule is if you aren’t bleeding or dying you need to stay but I really felt like I couldn’t make it.” I rushed through the story like my life depended on it. I felt like I was being so melodramatic but it was the only way to get away from school. I needed to leave that place so badly. It was so hard to have to face all of the people I thought were friends. I thought they were my friends and I am sure they made fun of me; I am sure none of them cared I left. Why would they care? I am just a place holder friend. As these thoughts spiraled through my head I started to get that tight feeling in my chest.

All I wanted was to be left alone and some peace and quiet. I thought pushing everyone away would give me time to work on me and make me better. I tried therapy, meditation, medication, and everything in between. Nothing made that empty feeling inside me go away. Sometimes I was able to distract myself from it. When I was younger I would use basketball as my get away, then I started high school and theatre was my new big distraction. I was still feeling that nagging, empty feeling but I focused all of my energy on the distractions instead of what was wrong. Senior year of high school it spiraled out of control.

I was walking home from school late one night after theatre had ended and decided I would take the long way home. I only lived about two miles away and it was nice to have some time alone. I was fine for about 5 minutes before the weird thoughts started. I would glance out into the road and the first thought that popped up would say “Just take one step out and it’ll be over,” or “How fast do you think a car would have to be going to just hurt you?” After about 3 more instances of comments like that I decided to put on my headphones and blast my music. I hoped it would distract me from the horrible thoughts I was having.

“No one would visit you if you got hurt. Who would care about a girl like you? All you do is whine and complain and nothing bad has ever even happened to you. You are a spoiled brat.” The music wasn’t drowning out the thoughts it was just giving them a backbeat, making it easier to remember them. After 15 more minutes I was hyperventilating and needed to sit down to count. One tactic I had learned to shut up the voices in my head was to count up to 4, tapping each finger on my thumb. On a good day I just had to tap but I days like the one I was experiencing I was practically shouting the numbers while digging my nails into my thumb.

Why isn’t it working? Why can’t I make the voices stop?!

“It’s because you deserve every bad thing that has ever happened to you. You deserve to be tortured like this, to know that everyone hates you even though you try your hardest to fit in. You would never fit in because no one could ever accept a piece of trash person like you.” The voice kept getting louder and louder, more horrible things being hurled at me as tears fell down my face. “You are pathetic. You are a waste of space that doesn’t deserve to take up other peoples’ time. Obviously no one cares about you. You are sarcastic, loud, and force yourself into other peoples’ lives when they don’t need or want you. Why do you think everyone keeps leaving? Why do you think-?” The voice finally shut up. I didn’t understand why until I felt the pressure on my forearm. I glanced down and saw that I had begun to dig my nails into my skin. I removed them only to see little drops of blood traveling down my forearm. I decided then that hurting myself was the only way to get the voices to stopped.

It worked for a bit, that was until my best friend noticed. I started to wear long sleeves and pants all the time since I had started to lose room on my arms to mark up, my legs were the next area to be attacked. It was a week before graduation when my best friend, Crystal pulled me aside and mentioned the change in my wardrobe.

“Yazmin, you hate pants. I don’t think I have seen you wear a pair unless it’s below 30 degrees. Now you’re wearing long sleeves AND pants. What is going on?” She looked at me with concern in her eyes. I couldn’t tell her what I was doing but I also couldn’t look her in the eyes and straight up lie to her. I was fidgeting with the sleeves when she lightly punched my arm.

“Hey dork. What is it? Is everything okay? You’ve been kind of distant lately and it’s scaring me. We can’t go off to college with you being all in your head all the time.” I took a breath and told her what I had realized.

“It makes the voices stop,” I muttered under my breath, rolling up my sleeve, “and sometimes they don’t start at all because I can sense when it’s about to start so I do this first.” I started to show her how I would dig my nails into my skin when she grabbed my arm and stopped me.

“Yazmin, you do that one more time and I am going to beat your ass.” I looked up to see a glaring Crystal and pulled my arm back.

“I just wanted to stop being told I was a piece of trash. I feel so worthless sometimes and the voices hurt more than the actual pain in my arm so I figured I’d choose one evil over the other.” I shrugged my shoulders, sat down on the ground, and stared at my feet. She sat down next to me and hugged me super tight and didn’t let go until I pushed her off.

“We all love you stupid. That voice in your head is not something you should listen to. Listen to me. I am your best friend and I will always be here for you. I will make sure that I tell you as much as I can how much I appreciate you. You are one of the best things to happen to me Yazmin and I can’t imagine my world without you in it.”

It dawned on me then all of the things that people had been trying to tell me throughout the years. Things including how important I was, how special I was, how worthwhile I was, and most importantly how much I was loved. My depression and anxiety have not gone away and that little voice in my head is still saying those horrendous things to me but I have learned to live with them and hopefully someday soon I will learn how to defeat them for good

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