#but now that I'm rereading it's actually the part i look forward to the most while we switch around ??

[franeridan]

read the first dressrosa volume and id never gone back to reread this arc in full after reading it the first time so I'm just now realizing but wow wow the coliseum part is So Much more fun to read after you know who the characters taking part in it are ????

[freuleinanna]

I'm still confused about Verna.. I thought she was a demon?? Because why would Death be going around making a bunch of deals with people? After Verna told Pym she decided to go "topside" I thought she was some kind of crossroads demon since it implies she came from below (hell)

Oh! I feel you, and I struggled with that a lot too. She does seem a lot like a demon. I'm not saying I'm 100% correct in my thinking either, but here's why I personally think she's Death. Kind of a long post, sorry. I hope I make myself clear, but feel free to follow up!

So, Verna. An anagram for Raven, that much is established. Ravens are wonderful - symmetrical even - creatures. Bringers of death in a wide understanding. Bringers of good luck in many cultures. The duality is amazing. To me, that also leans majorly into the theme of death being a concept of duality: an enemy for some, a friend for others. Each greets her differently. I'm not talking about the characters here, but people in general.

There's a proverb I came across a while ago that reads 'Death is a great leveller'. Meaning, everyone's equal before her. You have no leverage or buffer against death, and it doesn't matter if you're poor or blindly, feverishly, grotesquely rich (like our folks here). Everyone pays the last bill. For everyone, there's a day of reckoning. It's a major theme with the show, at least. Verna also says 'Buy now, pay the bill later' - although it can still read very demonic, I agree.

She's obviously ancient, and I was leaning toward the demon theory based on all of her talking. Yet - she also keeps ranting about Egypt and pyramids and Cleopatras and such. What's the one thing with Egyptians everyone knows of? They honored death. Death may have been a bigger part of their lives than life itself. The Usher Twins' obssession with all things Egyptian, antiquities, jewelry, swords and such, plays a nice parallel here too, because they're just collectors. They have no grain of honor for the real thing, for what these things are tied to. Kind of a nice thought, I guess.

Anyway, back to Verna. She says on multiple occasions how intrigued she is with us, 'adorable little things'. She saw the pyramids, the expeditions, and she wanted to see what else we do, she wanted to see what Roderick and Madeline will do (in her own words). It's all an experiment to her. She makes an offer just to see what we, people, do.

Here's where my beef with a demon theory comes in. No demonic creature I could think of, be it an actual demon, a trickster, or something else, is that sincerely intrigued. Something something death loving life something something.

Demons, in my understanding, are most interested in winning the deal. They come up with incredible challenges, they enjoy torture, emotional or physical, they never let anyone win. Verna has never once expressed this. Quite the opposite. She gives everyone a chance to step back. Even when the ink has dried and everything's decided, each Usher sibling is conditioned to make a choice: push forward, or step back. Neither of them steps back. Neither of them takes a long hard look at themselves (except Tamerlane, both literally haha and figuratively, as she's the only one to have realized how lost she was in her way - just at the end, when it didn't really matter anymore, but still). Verna is kind to those she takes (sincere pet names, regrets of having to do it this way, making sure they know it's not personal, etc). She grieves with them, just before. Grieving - 'The Raven' being about an expression of grief and trauma - ravens as synonyms for death... you get the gist. Oh! Except Freddie - cause Freddie struck a cord. Infuriated her. So he doesn't get an expressed choice. And he would've blown it like coke anyway, so meh.

And then Arthur Pym. Oh, Arthur Pym. I honestly couldn't imagine a demon kneeling and thanking someone who's refused them.

About Arthur Pym, by the way. It's the one story I hadn't reread, and I should have, it turns out! haha Anyway, a few notes about his travels:

In the story, Arthur Pym is expressedly afraid of white color (North Pole, yada yada, white being the absense of colors/life, and the absense of life is death).

Verna enumerates the moments she witnessed of his travels. Someone getting left in Sahara. Someone getting shot in the Arctic. Something bad that was done to an Inuit woman. Why would she follow Arthur so closely? She didn't know him, he wasn't her favorite. I think it's because she came to collect those deaths. If she is death, she would've been exactly there, where people died. She would have also seen Arthur not partaking.

Aaaaaaaand it makes her 'You saw me' line sound better, because he had sure seen death along his travels.

I think the part about a place of out-of-time, out-of-space creatures and hollow Earth was a bit unnecessary, BUT I can try and tie it in this way:

It showed us how Arthur might have coped with what he saw, and he 'saw a lot', even in his 70s it's difficult for him to recall, and it made him think of humanity as a virus, literally;

He might have thought up that ethereal realm simply because he was in an expedition? Exhaustive conditions for both body and spirit? Traumatic experiences? If he saw Death, he might have cloaked it in his mind to cope with it, thus came his stories;

Verna going 'topside' may just mean that she had to go take a look herself, actually be willingly present for the events - to see the brave little humans conquer the earth. 'Topside', as in, 'visible, present, participating'. If Death exists, I doubt it bothers with our boring human realm but lives downunder, among all threads that weave the world.

So that's that on Arthur Pym.

A few other references my mind is too exhausted to tie in nicely:

Death takes Lenore. THE Lenore from 'The Raven' (mostly) and 'Lenore' (secondary). That happened. Also, death talking to a child of life? Regretting having to take her? Not very demonic of dear ol' Verna, in my opinion.

Her mourning veil, her last toasts to the Ushers at the cemetery? Demons don't tend to grieve their players. Demons don't respect and love them enough, and 'what is grief, if not love persevering'?

Death is the last threshold. Before death, we look upon our legacy (major theme with the show), we remember our losses and loves (Annabel Lee!!!!! love the poem, brilliantly done), we get heavy with regrets. We face death as an enemy & fight, like Madeline did. As a friend, like Arthur did. We confess, like Roderick did. All that is too significant to me overall.

And the last thing. It's Edgar Allan Poe. The whole Death tribute is a giant, incredible, thought-through-to-the-bits hommage to his literature where Death, figuratively and literally, takes the throne.

I hope I managed to express myself alright there. Thanks if you read it through, and as I said before, feel free to follow up or elaborate on some ideas. There are oceans to discuss. <3

[fahye]

Hi! I just finished A Power Unbound and it's utterly consumed me. Crushed me tenderly you might say. I have so many emotions about it, but there was one section in particular that actually almost made me burst into tears with how *seen* it made me feel:

"The past could turn you into a strip of paper with a single side, so that comfort and vulnerability slid away down invisible channels and couldn't be grasped. Except, perhaps, if you bent your will towards unlearning your own history. If you let yourself soften and be porous. Even if only like this, in silence, and at an angle."

I don't particularly identify with any of the characters in this trilogy (as wonderful and deep and absolutely gorgeous as they all are). But that part struck me right between the ribs. I'm still learning to be porous, myself.

Thank you for this beautiful series. I've reread the first two books multiple times now, but I can tell APU is going to be the one with the most bent spine and dog-eared pages of them all. I sincerely look forward to enjoying anything you write in the future!

oh, thank you. that was one of my favourite paragraphs and I fiddled with the wording more than usual, because it was important to me that the imagery was exact. it's so much easier to be slippery and elusive. one of my favourite character arcs, for my own books and those of others, is to find the person or people or moment that forces someone to settle & soften; to let the vulnerability begin to work, even if it's scary.

[abubblingcandle]

Having my 100th reread of the first cuddlepollen chapter and I have a question, will we get to see Roy and Jamie navigating the actual cuddle/snuggles/etc etc of it all? I love the reluctant hand holding that we've seen but I'm guessing that won't be enough for them soon? Absolutely loving it!!

We will! And it starts in Ch2.

The Chapter 2 of it all is very much about the lads trying to work out how this is actually going to work for the next two weeks. It's the little things that are stumping them and a big part of that is hug logistics because Roy isn't the most touchy feely guy and Jamie is seriously touch starved at this point. They are roughly the same height as well. Like there's no natural, we're going to slot together in this way ... where do your arms go?

Here's a little snippet:

Roy had never thought so hard about a hug in his life and it was clear based on Jamie’s expression that he was having the same problem. With his sister or the various assortment of women he had slept with in his life, holding them had come naturally but now as Jamie stood within reaching distance he was overthinking every little part of it. He had almost forgotten what a hug looked like it had got so tangled up in his head. “Let’s just. Yeah,” Jamie murmured. He sighed deeply. Another dragging few seconds passed and Jamie stepped forward with his arms open and outstretched. It was so absurd. So absurd that Roy couldn’t stop the laugh. “Oh fuck off we need to work this out,” Jamie growled, bristles back up and arms crossed as his shield. “I know, I know,” Roy snapped back, breathing deep to try and calm the frenzy of thoughts in his mind. They just needed to fucking do it.

[blemiria]

that one line in lone trail

hello welcome to "she promised she was gonna go tl some fic but then got sidetracked thinking about lonetrail again and is now here" I want to go ahead and do a more comprehensive post talking about the three's relationship in detail with what happened in lone trail but uhh

I don't have that kind of time to reread it because I forgot which stories contain the parts that I need lol. So without further ado, lets spoil CW-ST-4

The title is "Pushing open future's door" and serves as the epilogue of lonetrail. Unlike most events, lonetrail actually has two post mission stories! CW-ST-3 is unlocked after CW-10 so you know this event is insanely long (iirc this is around the same character count as chapter 8, which is insane. This event is gonna be a monster to read through when it comes to global, I look forward to seeing what translation decisions they make so I have stuff to talk about haha). Also we get to see a hint at a professional relationship between Nastja(no I am not calling her nasti/nasty, I'm fairly certain they were going with a Russian name and Nastja was the closest)

Most of this epilogue is centered around Kirsten, now alone having won in her ideals and preparing to go to sleep. It's a very touching moment where her electronic system goes through her entire ship shutting off each room one by one, until she is left in her room where she is going to hibernate, given a couple minutes before that room will activate she records a log.

It's relatively simple, probably the most direct we will get from her talking about her philosophy and thoughts on society, wanting people to understand themselves, others, society, and where they are in the universe in order to determine how they should move on.

In the last minute she goes a bit more personal which is really what I care about. She comments on how the plants are still alive to her surprise, and laments being unable to give Muelsyse the data on them. It's a nice touch! She stayed with control, helping her the entire way, and it's clear that Kirsten means a lot to Muelsyse too given how close they were in the past between all three of them.

The very last things she says are directly to Saria.

In Kirsten's whole life, there were only two times where she felt truly alive. The first time, Saria, was when I took you back home, and on that hill I told you the start of everything. The second time, is now, when I have completed my parent's dreams. The seeds of what happens next, is only the beginning. On a clear night, find an open field and set up a telescope, there will be a star in the sky twinkling for you.

Then, goodnight, the sirs and madams of Terra.

goodnight, universe.

yeah just stab me will ya. I don't think there is any really other way to read this other than a goodbye letter to Saria, one that she will tragically never really get to hear (I think?). The long relationship they shared, the last line about the star twinkling for her is just so strong of an indication of just how deep they were intertwined together.

Actually, lets spoil CW-10 end too, just to see how even after Saria left Kirsten knew she could rely on Saria in the ways that it counted:

Saria... You always wanted me to take a good, clear look at this vast land. I saw it. It is also...very beautiful. You will take care of it and nurture it's people in my stead. I always knew this. Same as before, same as always. As for me... I was not really the type to lead people forward step by step. I was just a pair of eyes. A pair... to look up at the deep space in place of the people of these lands

It's probably the only way she knew how to move forward into the future, especially after she met Friston and had those conversations. Funnily enough after seeing the same kind of behaviour in some of the tech circles I am in... This kind of "I don't think I'm suited for leadership yet here I am" problem is real, and quite prevalent amongst the science types who just want to do their thing unfortunately. It's shocking almost how well this trope was written for Kirsten though I feel like I'm staring at a picture of some people I know of irl who are in the same situation.

Kills me how close Kirsten puts those in her heart yet keeps them pretty far away at the same time tbh

[aheathen-conceivably]

sooo I'm not saying I forgot the arc buttt (😭 oops?)

to dumb it down, what exactly is the issue jo has with everyone else? I get the debt thing, and I don't want to sound like an ass either because she's right 😭 it's just been so long that i forgot most of what happened

(of course, I'll go reread it either way, but a small explanation for a lil neurodivergent darling would be much appreciated :') )

Hi hi, it’s been awhile so that’s understandable. I also tend to throw a lot of info at you all at once so sometimes you just need the threads separated 😜

And listen, Nonny darling, I did try and make it a small explanation. Only alas, the drama runs deep, so we must go under the cut for your regular installment of Ted Talk with a Heathen…

So in essence, we can see the cracks start to form in the 20s. Giorgio had proposed to her multiple times in their years together, including on the last night before he left for a farm he had bought without consulting her (mostly because he knew she would never agree to this vision he had for himself, and he seemingly chose to pursue it on his own). When he left, things ended between them, although she was still unsatisfied in New Orleans. This was mostly because for years she had success managing bands, but as the economic situation worsened, she lost her business and became aimless.

Fast forward to the 1929 economic crash when she and Antoine decided to sell their club for far less than it was previously worth. This left them in a tight economic position, really unable to buy housing on their own, so Antoine reached out to Gio without consulting Jo. He only told her after Gio had invited them out to live with him. Jo explores why she doesn’t want to go here and here, but chooses to do so anyway. Suffice to say that she does love Gio, but she would never have followed him out there without the interference of her family and their economic straits.

At the beginning of the 1930s we can see Josephine begin to split in two. Part of her wants to be with Gio, but a larger side of her immediately regrets her decision. From the moment she steps foot on the farm, she can feel her life and who she is begin to slip away from her. Not long after, Antoine learns that Giorgio actually has a massive loan on his farmhouse, and he’s brought his entire family aboard a sinking ship. However, there’s not much to do other than try and patch the holes and keep moving forward.

This is where it gets tricky, because Antoine’s past mistakes with Zelda mean that he decides not to keep secrets from her. Only the two of them decide not to tell Josephine about the loan, or that Gio purposefully omitted it from his original telegram. Of course, Gio directly asks them to, but they agree because they think he’s right. Josephine is incredibly stubborn and unwilling to accept help, believing that it makes her indebted to people. Coupled with this, they all think that when Josephine finds out she will see it as a way of controlling her, and there is nothing more likely to make her bolt.

Now this situation goes on for four years, all the while Jo is buried in the depths of her own depression and struggling with her sense of control and autonomy as she lives a life she never wanted and turned down on multiple occasions. The people she loves the most can see this. They attempt to help her and uplift her, all the while lying to her face. She says it best in her own internal monologue when she finds out:

Jo looked back toward Gio, the anger rising as the words she really wanted to cry out stayed trapped in her throat. You all let me think you were happy. That our life was perfect and I was the problem. You let me sink and disintegrate while you lied to my face! I stayed because I love you, and this is how you repay me!

Now I would also absolutely recommend that you read this and this as well, which explores Josephine’s mental state in the last post of the early 30s arc. This is where things begin to twist, and perhaps not in the way we (or Gio, Zelda, and Antoine) think. If you read those extras, you can see that while Jo is angry with them for lying to her, she’s also in some ways been freed by that very same lie. I’ll quote that second ask here:

Josephine isn’t stupid, and she certainly isn’t rash. This isn’t to say she can’t be, especially when backed into a corner, but it isn’t her nature. She’s cunning, calculated, and measured. Just like her mother. It’s only a matter of figuring out how to use that in her favor in a way that fits with the other parts of her nature, which are governed by a sense of perceived morality and loyalty for her family; OR if she can’t, and she’s backed too far into a corner first, then the rash side of her wins out despite everything she knows about the world and what running into it would mean.

By betraying her but also placing the burden of the loan on her shoulders, Jo has been given a new sense of purpose, which is what has been missing from her life this entire time. She’s sensed it back in New Orleans, and she’s hungry for it again. She wants to work for herself, to be her own person away from the home and the people she loves even while uplifting them in some way.

But in another way, their lie has also freed her from a restrictive sense of duty, of feeling like her choices must be made out of guilt or debt to others, as well as the horrifying fear that she was the only one who suffered in their seemingly bucolic little bubble. Now, she can do as she pleases with her choices and all of them, because they are indebted to her through their betrayal. At least in regard to the people she felt were steering her life before, she is the one in control now, and that’s what she’s wanted all along.

[buildarocketboys]

Just a couple of notes from things I've highlighted in Frankenstein chapters 4-8:

Chapter 4:

The astonishment which I had at first experienced on this discovery soon gave place to delight and rapture. After so much time spent in painful labour, to arrive at once at the summit of my desires was the most gratifying consummation of my toils.

I think the use of the phrasing "painful labour" is super interesting here - obviously labour can just refer to work, but the double meaning of giving birth, coupled with the description of it being "painful" definitely implies Frankenstein "giving birth" to his creation. Shame he's a terrible father.

Talking of Frankenstein being a terrible father...

No one can conceive the variety of feelings which bore me onwards, like a hurricane, in the first enthusiasm of success. Life and death appeared to me ideal bounds, which I should first break through, and pour a torrent of light into our dark world. A new species would bless me as its creator and source; many happy and excellent natures would owe their being to me. No father could claim the gratitude of his child so completely as I should deserve theirs.

The idea that the species (thinking big there, Victor!) will and should be grateful to him just for being the cause of their existence is uh..very interesting. I think the fact that Victor is a man is very pertinent here, since women are expected to give birth to new life, but since Victor is a man, him creating life is a big and amazing thing the species should be grateful for. Even if you're a deadbeat dad.

(for whatever reason I didn't highlight anything in chapter 5 or chapter 6 even though they're pretty fucking important)

Chapter 7:

“Come, Victor; not brooding thoughts of vengeance against the assassin, but with feelings of peace and gentleness, that will heal, instead of festering, the wounds of our minds. Enter the house of mourning, my friend, but with kindness and affection for those who love you, and not with hatred for your enemies.

I just think Frankenstein should listen to the wisdom of his father, who's actually a parent. He knows what he's talking about.

I considered the being whom I had cast among mankind, and endowed with the will and power to effect purposes of horror, such as the deed which he had now done, nearly in the light of my own vampire, my own spirit let loose from the grave, and forced to destroy all that was dear to me

I thought the use of vampire was interesting here - I had a quick Google and in fact, Frankenstein was published a year before the book considered the first vampire story - The Vampyre by John William Polidori. However, The Vampyre was based on a story Lord Byron told as part of the same contest in which Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein. Anyway, previously to the popularity of the vampire novel, vampire basically just meant a dangerous spiritual entity that people believed could appear at rituals for the dead. So essentially a synonym for spirit, but specifically bad/dangerous/evil. Idk I could probably have some more coherent thoughts about this if I tried but it's just... interesting

Chapter 8:

The tortures of the accused did not equal mine; she was sustained by innocence, but the fangs of remorse tore my bosom and would not forgo their hold.

I mean like, I get what he's saying here, but he really does sound like a massive twat. Like, poor Justine is facing execution for a crime she didn't commit, and that you know she didn't commit, and you're all like "boo hoo I feel even WORSE than her because it's MY FAULT!" like maybe if you didn't immediately abandon the child you'd made because he was kinda creepy looking then none of this would have happened. My sympathy is limited for you here, Vicky boy.

Anyway, that's where I'm at for now @tumbleclub! It's fun to reread this after so long. Looking forward to the creature's chapters.. 👀👀

[sleepy-vix]

hello hello hello!! i hope this day is treating you well <3

so. erm. i finished if we were villains one second ago. there are tear tracks still glistening on my face. and i have Thoughts TM

to be frank i wasn't a fan of most of the book (i found the very excessive shakespeare-quoting stilted, pretentious and cringey — and i'm saying this as a person who quotes shakespeare too much for the average sane person and is very annoying about it) but something changed when i was reading act five. i then proceeded to cry through the end bit of act five and the whole epilogue.

i have no idea what i feel about it skjfksdfj i have no idea when i started caring about these pretentious ass bitches enough to cry over them, seeing that for most of the book i was just incredibly annoyed by all of them. although i am proud to say i clocked james and oliver for what they were in their first few interactions. the power of the gaydar ladies and gents

i think part of the problem was that i was comparing it to the secret history so much in my mind (which is practically literary perfection in my mind. i personally believe that donna tartt is a greek muse in disguise and should be treated as such/j) it just paled in comparison — honestly, people need to stop comparing the two or just lumping them into "dark academia" (i'm personally not the hugest fan of aesthetic-based grouping for book recs, but that's a rant for another day)

i think it's a one-time read for me. like yes it was definitely an... interesting experience but probably not good enough to reread? i don't know?? i have zero idea if you like this book or not i just know that you've read it — so apologies if i accidentally offended you or something 😭😭 i would love to hear your thoughts on it though (especially the ending)!

I READ IT BACK IN GRADE 8 DURING THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS AND I WAS JUST DEPRESSED FOR THE WHOLE 8 WEEKS LMAO

im like ehhh about it now 😭 which is sad because i was so obsessed with it i made a playlist for james and oliver (im such a geek it's actually so embarrassing 💀)

also i completely agree with you about the shakespeare quotes. it got to a point where i would just skip the quotes and only read the actual writing because is it ever THAT serious?

also i have a few other icks about the book:

- oliver and meredith getting together (that was so ???? like i lowkey hated oliver for that)

- filippa's character. it was so ?? like m.l. rio did such a bad job writing her... the idea of her character is awesome but the execution was really not, which was disappointing.

but in general i really liked it :) i read it before the secret history, so thankfully i never unconsciously compared them with eachother (which i've heard is actually really common between people who read tsh first).

i agree with you in the dark academia lumping thing sooo much. like, you often see them side by side, but the only thing they have in common is a friend group + one person dies + school setting. which really doesn't mean much considering that alot of stories are set in schools and include friend groups.

also not to mention that tsh is twice the size of iwwv 😭 idk i get so defensive when ppl bash iwwv for being worse than tsh (even tho i agree)

tbh i loved it alot but i wouldn't reread it either because the oliver and meredith parts where so 💀

m.l. rio is writing another book btw! its called grave digger. im looking forward to it because i'd like to know if she's actually a good writer or if she was only good in my 13 year old mind.

im so happy that u sent me this ask :)) its not very often that i get to talk abt iwwv with a person who agrees with me that the book is sad but not that good

[veliseraptor]

October Reading Recap

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun: vol. 3 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. Still in the territory of a part of this book I remember fairly well, and while the whole underworld arc is good it's not my favorite part of the book and mostly I come away from it going "Rong Jiu has rights." which is true! and I do think Meatbun knows it actually but it still hurts how his arc goes here. Me: continually getting too wound up in the fates of side characters and distracted from what's going on with the mains.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to moving into the next parts of the book, which I don't remember as well. Though I know it's a while before it gets really painful, aka what I'm most excited to reread.

Dark Carnivals: Modern Horrors and the Origins of American Empire by W. Scott Poole. I was so frustrated by this book. I wanted it to be an analysis of horror films and their relationship to American imperialism; what I got was a lot of overwrought prose and repetition of the titular metaphor that was very light on the analysis of the actual texts and heavy on the scathing opinions about what is "good" (politically) horror and what is "bad" (politically) horror. Which, fine, my politics are technically the same as his politics, but it was annoying to read in a book that I thought was going to be more analytical. I had high hopes for this book and it failed them; makes me more hesitant to read his other book about horror and World War I, which I have had on my list for a while. But I liked his book on Lovecraft, funnily enough, so not totally sure what went wrong here.

Paradise-1 by David Wellington. I did not realize that this book was first in a series and I'm a little bit annoyed about it. It was decent horror but it doesn't need to be a series and the lack of resolution bugs me, because now if I want resolution I have to read the next book and I don't think I really want to read the next book. Space horror seems like it would be such a rich land full of possibility and yet I keep being disappointed by space horror. (If, in this case, less disappointed than I was by Dead Silence.)

Remnants of Filth: vol. 1 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. She's done it again! It's a differently fucked up relationship, to be sure, but boy am I already here for it, despite feeling like I know very little about what's going on. Gu Mang is my jam as far as character type, and I really like the dynamic as its laid out as having been previously between him and Mo Xi, and also how it is now. Dedicated friends/lovers turned to bitter enemies turned to one of them fractured to a shadow of himself leaving the other bereft of resolution...mm, good stuff. Can't wait to find out more about what's going on under Gu Mang's surface. Looking forward to reading more of this one and glad that I already have the second volume to go to. (And the rest, technically, but I do like reading cnovels in print when I can more than reading on a computer.)

I, Robot by Isaac Asimov. Look at me! Reading classic sci-fi knowing only the bare minimum about it. I liked it more than I expected to, and was less bothered by the way the women were written than I expected to. I didn't realize that it was more a string of short stories tied together by a frame narrative than a novel, but it was really fine that I didn't know that going in - didn't affect my enjoyment, I don't think. And I did enjoy it! I might not have read it on my own, but I read it for a sci-fi book club and ended up liking both it and the book club. Not sure I'd give it, like, a strong recommendation, but I'm glad I finally read it. It'll be interesting seeing what echoes/traces of it I can now pick up in other robot/AI-related writing.

Monstress: vol. 5-7 by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda. This comic is so good you guys. So. Good. I don't really know what else to say here, except that she continues to step up her game even more with every volume, and I don't know how she's keeping all the balls in the air that she is with this story as deftly as she is. I have no idea where this story is going, either, and I can't wait to find out. I don't know. Themes of monstrosity and agency and lack of agency and how to be a good person (or try) in a terrible world. With a whole lot more than that. Also there's gay betrayal, if you're into that.

Ariadne by Jennifer Saint. Why do I continue to read Greek Mythology retellings when at best they end up making me go "eh, it was okay I guess"? Not sure. But this was okay, I guess. I liked the same author's Electra better.

Pathogenesis: A History of the World in Eight Plagues by Jonathan Kennedy. More of a "history of the western world categorized by periods of time in which there were various diseases" which...was not quite what I was hoping for, but it was still a good, solid book about epidemiology and the impact of disease on history. A lot of it was familiar to me (how disease enabled the Spanish conquest of the Aztecs and Incas, for instance, but also British colonization in North America), but I did learn some new things, particularly in the sections about Paleolithic/Neolithic diseases. All in all a book I read because I'm particularly interested in the subject but not probably one I'd recommend as the one book that they'd have to read about it.

The Hollow Kind by Andy Davidson. I made it a goal in October to read some spooky books and ended up only reading three, but this was easily my favorite of those - and my favorite non-Darcy Coates horror I've read in a while, too. I wasn't totally sure what to expect from this one, and the slow reveal in the first two thirds particularly was very well done. I found myself slightly more compelled by the portions set in the past than by the present storyline, but not so much as to ding the whole book for it. And I liked that the monster was left pretty vague and undefined, too; that's always my preference. Some very gross descriptions and body horror, as a caveat for those who might be interested but are sensitive about such things.

Die: vol. 1-3 by Kieron Gillen and Stephanie Hans. I'm finally rereading (and finishing) this series and...I forgot how much I like it. Not only because the art is gorgeous (and the art is gorgeous) but Kieron Gillen's writing remains as sharp as ever, and the way he is playing with fantasy as a genre is very fun for me as a fantasy nerd. My favorite issue remains the one about The Lord of the Rings, though. I don't know that this one is quite as good as The Wicked and the Divine as a whole, but I'll have to reread that one taken as a whole, too, before making that determination.

And the art really is gorgeous. Stephanie Hans remains a fave.

Homegrown: Timothy McVeigh and the Rise of Right-Wing Extremism by Jeffrey Toobin. A decent narrative about the Oklahoma City bombing, certainly competently written, but he interrupted himself a little too often drawing parallels to January 6th, in my opinion, and I don't feel like I took anything particularly new or fresh away from this. Which is maybe an artifact of the fact that I've read a number of better books about the rise of right-wing extremism in the 90s, and this one wasn't one of them, but I'm going to go ahead and damn with faint praise when I say "it was fine."

currently I'm rereading Banewreaker by Jacqueline Carey which is a fascinating text in ways that I'm going to need to chew on for a bit, so that I can finally read the sequel. but then a bunch of stuff came in for me at the library, so I'm next probably going to be reading Silver Nitrate by Sylvia Moreno-Garcia, and then Godslayer by Jacqueline Carey, and then The Art of Prophecy by Wesley Chu, and then Children of Memory by Adrian Tchaikovsky, and then Our Share of Night by Mariana Enriquez. or that's the plan, anyway. we'll see how fast it gets derailed.

also somewhere in there planning on reading more Female General and Eldest Princess and most likely the second volume of Remnants of Filth. I'm trying to spend less time on the internet in general (you absolutely could not tell I am sure) so let's make it a busy reading month instead.

[canmom]

If I may gush: what you've written so far of VECTOR is spectacular. The writing has (in the best way) the brutality & intensity of a flesh wound. The worldbuilding feels like someone stuck the gay eldritch futurism of 'This is How you Lose the Time War,' the superpowered wish fulfillment of the Nemisis series, & the bleak horror-erotica of Gretchen Felker-Martin's Manhunt in some sort of biopunk flesh-blender, and yet it somehow works? I understand ADHD's a bitch, but I hope there's more someday

waa, thank you so much! I really truly appreciate that... despite not having read any of the things you compare it to ^^' (I assume you don't mean the 2000AD comic Nemesis The Warlock?) - that said, Time War is on my shelf and I'm looking forward to reading it v much tho...

I was actually rereading parts of VECTOR recently. It would be good to pick it back up again. I will not be able to be in the exact headspace I was when I wrote the first 'book', so it will probably feel a little different from the first, but that's OK! I'm still me.

To talk a little about how the sausage isn't made, I had been planning on doing a re-edit pass of the whole story, maybe getting some input from friends knowledgeable about writing. That kind of never quite worked out and it's been several years since then. At this point I'm probably going to leave it largely as-is and focus on writing new chapters. It's a web serial, after all, people know what's up.

The other problem I had was thinking up new names for the segments ^^' Where do you go once you reach the head of the bug? I came up with what felt like a really good answer the other day, but I struggle to remember what it was now - some other trio of cool words from biology. Maybe it was cell division, 'segment MITOSIS' or something like that. (So much VECTOR is driven by the love of cool science words...)

I plan on releasing some of my other short stories in the meantime. Pocket Healer is the most VECTOR-like - still needs a final chapter. In fact, let me make a list. Consider this a teaser...

A Summoning - short story, finished, submitted to Strange Horizons, maybe they'll get back to me sometime this year...

The General's Worm - short ero story, finished, just needs cover art

Pocket Healer - short story, nearly finished, but needs a good ending and cover art for itch.io release

Thirty Years - linear twine, essentially finished, needs final polish for itch.io release, a better title

Sword Story (working title) - web-based visual novel, collab with @velocityvsreality who made some wonderful UI art and character portraits. we got off to a good start and it's honestly one of my fave stories I've written, but a lot more needs to be done if we resurrect this project!

Flower of Heaven - actually a spinoff of VECTOR! interactive fiction, the presentation needs a lot of work

Worm Queen - short mythologically styled story, about half finished.

[kingwithpaintedfingers]

An Update on the Status of My A03 Fics!

Hihi! I have no idea if anyone who follows this blog reads any of my fics on AO3, but if you do, then you might like to know what the heck is going on with my fics, and why I haven't posted any updates in over six months.

First of all, I am alive! I wrote a lot of fics in the summer of 2022 when I had just gotten active in a fan server on Discord where there was a lot of encouragement to write fanfiction. In the spring of 2023, I started a medical assistantship course, and in order to keep myself focused in class, I turned off notifications for the server. And then I just kind of...didn't turn them back on???? In my defense, I was intimidated by the amount of time it would take for me to backread everything I missed, and that eventually snowballed into me just no longer looking at that server. I should honestly become active in it again, because it did a lot for my writing productivity. I also have a lot of hobbies both in real life and on my computer, and those take up a lot of my time as well. So that's why I didn't post much last year and haven't posted anything yet this year.

But I want to let you all know, that I do fully intend to complete the fanfics I have already started on AO3, and I do intend to write the sequels I promised a year and a half ago.

So without further ado, here is a status report on the incomplete fics and series I have on my AO3:

How to Live With Fire: One of my most popular fics! I have two sequels planned, and a rough idea of what I want to happen in each of them. Both of them are probably going to be only a few chapters long. The delay on this one is mostly on Part 2, since Part 2 has only the vaguest ideas of what I want to do with it (how Mortarion and Vulkan become a longterm couple, and how their legions react to this change). The trouble with this one is, I haven't read any Salamanders novels, let alone ones that take place during the Horus Heresy. I think I will at least have to read Deathfire for this one. I am praying that I don't have to read Vulkan Lives, since I understand that one has less tasty Salamanders content than I would like, and way more John Grammaticus than I find tasteful. But I will still try Deathfire at the very least, if I can find a physical copy at the library or a used bookstore or something.

A Matter of Trust: Another one that's going to end up being a trilogy. I have figured out what happens, now I just need to read the Plague Wars trilogy, because those events are going to be kind of important to the rest of the plot. Again, I'd like to read physical copies of the books so that I can flip through them easily. I'm going to see if I can find copies of the first two novels through the local libraries. Fingers crossed!

Until the Bitter End: Ohhhh, this one's gonna make me cry...this one is mostly hinging on me rereading The Buried Dagger and taking notes. Much lower barrier for entry for this one, since I've read it so often that I mostly remember where to find the events I'm looking for.

Lantern and the Child: This one is going to have like, a billion chapters. It's going to become episodic for a while, but I'm looking forward to it. In this case, it's a case of figuring out which characters I want to introduce. The idea of it being episodic is kind of exciting for me, because it feels like it will be a fun thing to do, and because it goes along with a writing conceit that my co-creator and I have for this AU, that it's the events of a theoretical (very dark) Pokemon anime.

This Once Nearly Was Mine: This one should literally be the easiest one to complete, I am ashamed that I haven't finished it. There's only one chapter left, and I don't even have to come up with all of the events. Again, this one is going to dip into Horus Heresy events that I haven't actually read, but I think I've heard enough from osmosis that I can skip most of it. I just need to, y'know, actually sit down and fucking write it.

Deep's Embrace: I've got an outline! And I've even got some scenes written out! As I type this post, I am preparing to submit chapter 2. I'm having a lot of fun with this fic, as you could probably all tell.

Anyway, that's basically it for now. If you have any questions, please let me know! And if you have any friends who you know enjoy my fics but aren't following me or aren't on Tumblr, please link them to this post so that they know just what the hell is going on with me.

[crimsonhobbit]

Fucks part 2

Part 1 can be read here.

For those who don't want to read that part, here's what you need to know from that part:

I’ve been trying to work on my mental health and shit lately. Part of that includes doing a reread of a few books I own: Unfuck Yourself, the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, and You Are a Badass. Not getting into detail about all of them, but one main point of the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck is actually choosing what to give a fuck about. It’s not saying be an indifferent asshole. It’s saying that you need to make your fucks count. Like, do you really need to give a fuck that some guy online thinks you’re weird? Not really. There’s no point. But should you give a fuck about that weird thing your back has been doing? Probably. See what I’m saying? My entire life I’ve given too many fucks about shit that I have no need to give a fuck about. What’s that gotten me? Anxiety. A lot of fucking anxiety.

Part 1 was written on my writing blog because it was all about writing.

Part 2 is being post on my "main" (that isn't used as much, but whatever) because it's not about writing.

Side note: If this is rambly...I've had a bottle of wine. So sue me. I'm a fucking adult.

I'm choosing to not give a fuck about social media. I've tried to make friends over the years on various social media sites. My three best friends, ironically, are back from when Tumblr allowed porn. Like, my oldest is about to be 15 and I've known them since he was still chubby type of deal.

For awhile posting/replying on most social media sites gave me a mass amount of anxiety. "What if they think I'm annoying?" "What if they roll their eyes every time I reply to them?" etc. My mind is my own worst enemy.

Fast forward to this past month or so. I said "fuck it!". I've been replying. I've been retweeting. I've signed up for OTHER social media sites. I've been posting. Basically, I've been using SM like you're supposed to. And it's really no different.

I still rarely get replies (and 99.9% it's always the same 1-2 people and I adore them for that!). I still rarely get my comments/replies acknowledged. I'm over here trying to connect with people and feeling like Roxie's husband from Chicago. Mr(s). Cellophane.

One on hand? Awesome, my anxiety wasn't warrented. No one is being a dick. Cool!

On the other? It's...awkward. You know that feeling when you're in a group, you start talking, and then someone talks over you? So you just slowly...stop talking? And no one notices. Kinda gives me that vibe.

Plus, it's a cesspool. No matter how much I try to get rid of seeing bigots/hate/stupid fighting? It doesn't do shit. Which, I'm glad people I follow stand up to twatwaffles. I am. However, when everything boils down to black and white? It's fucking PATHETIC! No one can post anything without someone jumping down their throat, and then others dogpiling on them. I don't mean valid things like bigotry (but even then if someone miss speaks and then tries to apologize? People never give them a change to do better. You fuck up ONCE and you're done). I mean silly things/things that have no bearing on life itself.

It's all one big popularity contest.

The pretty girls. They can recycle posts from other people/only post pictures of themselves and people trip over themselves to talk to them. I'm not faulting them, either. I'm a sucker for a pretty woman, too!

The shit talkers. You know exactly who I'm talking about. The loud ones who will get in on any and all drama. You can't recall any "happy" posts by them. They're like trainwrecks. You just can't look away.

Those two are the ones I've noticed the most lately. I know there are other catagories, but I'm watching Avatar: The Last Airbender and it's really hard not to make 3: The Fire Nation.

I wasn't popular in high school, and nothing about that has changed. And it's not like I want to be popular. Just...welcome? Accepted? I don't know.

I'm just not gonna try anymore. I'll hop on now and then. I'll like a few things that catch my eye. I'll post random things. But I'm kinda over it. Not over it enough to just delete everything, because I need somethingt to scroll while I wait for my food to cook lmao.

That, and I have a social media experiment planned for October. I have a spread sheet and everything (how often I post per social media account- twitter, bluesky, threads, facebook, how many likes I get on each, and how many replies. Shares don't count, only OG posts by me). I see me forgetting about this after a week, though. That's how my things usually go. I just like averages and shit. They make me happy.

So, yeah.

That's where I'm at.

[bellascarousel]

So, there's a fic idea that's been rattling around in my head for a while. It essentially consists of plopping the Bridgertons into Valdemar. Yesterday, my brain spent most of the day mentally plotting and writing this thing. And then... I ordered myself a copy of the Valdemar Companion as reference material. So, apparently I'm really gonna do this. So! Now I'm gonna tell you guys all about this idea I have. Below the Read More so as not to spam anyone who doesn't care about my fanfiction.

So, let me start off by explaining a bit of the setting for those of you that aren't familiar with the Valdemar series by Mercedes Lackey. It's a fantasy setting, first of all. So, magic is real and all of that. The kingdom of Valdemar was founded by a man named Baron Valdemar (I have not read the prequel that tells his story, so I don't know his first name) who was fleeing from a place we only ever know as the Eastern Empire. When he and his people finally found a place to settle down, the people decided to make him their king, and they named the kingdom after him. Well, having seen first hand how power can corrupt people, our newly minted King was worried about the long term future of his kingdom. So, he prayed to every God he could think of for a way to keep his descendants from ever turning Valdemar into a place like the Eastern Empire. His prayers were answered in the form of magical beings called Companions that took the form of horses. The Companions could, for lack of a better explanation, see inside people's souls. And each Companion would Choose one person to bond with. The people Chosen by Companions became known as Heralds, and it was made law that the Monarch and the Heir had to also be Heralds. They had to have a Companion vouching for them that they were good people.

As time went on, eventually Companions started being conceived and born like normal horses (it eventually is learned that they are in fact reincarnated Heralds) instead of just magically appearing fully grown in the Grove where the first Companions appeared - with one exception. The Gods, taking the adage "heavy is the head that wears the crown" to heart, decided that there needed to be a special Herald. One that could be the monarch's confidant and chief advisor. That Herald was chosen by the Gods themselves by being Chosen by a special Companion - a stallion that magically appears in the Grove rather than being born. That herald was called the Monarch's Own, and there are a lot of rights and responsibilities that go with that title. (And I am totally going to have to reread the Arrows trilogy where all of this is explained to Talia, because I'm a bit fuzzy on most of it.)

Which brings us to the plot of my fic. Anthony is the king. Violet had been Edmund's Monarch's Own, and was now Anthony's. Which... is not actually working out so well. Violet's Companion dies (not sure how, but since that's backstory I'll deal with it later). Everyone expects the new Grove-born to Choose her, again (except Benedict who can see how strained Anthony's and Violet's relationship is and thinks it might be him who is Chosen instead. (Yes, a grove-born CAN Choose someone who is already a Herald. I don't know what happens to their first Companion in those cases. It doesn't matter for my story.)) Instead, Newton goes on Search and comes back with none other than Kate Sharma. Kate, for her part, assumes the Companion is there for Edwina and is quite surprised when he Chooses her, instead.

I'm really looking forward to exploring all the family and relationship dynamics as they play out in this setting. I think it's going to be quite interesting.

Now I get to decide what everybody's Gifts are. And decide who among the spouses and other characters we know are Heralds, and what they do if they are not. This is going to be fun.

[dovesandmagpies]

Finally got around to watching the rings of power season 2, here are some thoughts I wrote down after each few episodes,

I feel like I should mention here that I do like the rings of power, it definitely has its flaws but so do all adaptations, and I enjoyed watching it for the most part, these are not meant to serious criticisms or anything, they are just my thoughts.

Episode 1,

Can Sauron still absorb things (and people) now that he's human shaped? That seems like a useful power to have.

When I watched season 1 I had no strong opinions on Galadriel's character, but I recently reread the silmarillion and watching her now she doesn't feel old enough to me if that makes sense. I completely buy that Lotr Galadriel was once like this Galadriel but I think it would have been before the rings of power is set, before she her entire extended family died in various tragic ways. But they don't have the rights to the Silmarillion (and honestly I don't think anyone should make a liveaction adaptation of the Silmarillion, it would have to be animated)

I really like the costumes and sets, they are absolutely beautiful, although I can't help thinking that Lindon would be very damp and not especially comfortable to actually live in.

I am not sold on this Gandalf, sorry," the Stranger", and Nori plot line, I thought it was unnecessary last season and I still think so, and that copper skull mask looks like a Star Wars character

Episode 2 and 3

Still very pretty,

Rhun is very star wars-y, if you added a few hover bikes instead of horses you'd never know this was meant to be middle earth.

Sauron turning up a Eregion "oh poor me, I'm cold, and injured, won't someone let me in? " I found very funny but also completely in character for everyone concerned.

Sauron manipulating Celebrimbor was also very well written.

The Kazadum stuff is interesting but is it just me or does it feel kind of empty, I don't know, maybe it's on purpose but there aren't enough people around to convince me this is the largest dwarf city ever.

On the subject, Lindon feels the same, this is the court of the high king, it should feel busier, surely Gil Galad has important things to do besides talking to Galadriel and Elrond, surely there are other important people who aren't main characters he has to meet, paperwork to do, I don't know, he's the king he should be busy all the time.

I am not happy the Cirdan shaved his beard off, but maybe that was intentional.

Still don't care about the hobbits, could be persuaded to care about Isildur I haven't decided yet.

If Theo ends up being one of the ringwrathes or something plot relevant I will take this back, but for now he is getting in my nerves, I want to see what's happening with Sauron and Celebrimbor or Numenor not random teenager getting over his mother dieing.

Speaking of Numenor, the costumes are amazing! I am really looking forward to lots of intrigue and backstabbing and all the drama, we're off to a good start with Elendil and his daughter being on opposite sides and all the scheming with Pharazon (he's so amazingly awful)

Episode 4, 5 and 6

Numenor, oh the drama, Kevin murdered Valandil! How dare he, I can't wait to see him die in a appropriately horrible way. And Ar-Pharazon, and Elendil's daughter and that annoying rich guy. I am very sad that Elendil and Miriel are going to die eventually too.

Rhun, this is so Star Warsy, I don't like it

The Southlanders, Where is this taking place exactly? Like on a map? Is this Fangorn? Because that makes no sense geography wise. I like the ents, I honestly think I prefer their designs to the Peter Jackson movies. I think I like Arondir now, I would be upset if he died, also I am convinced Theo is going to be a Nazgul eventually.

Isildur is also here,

And his not-girlfriend

Still don't really care about either of them

The elves,

Why is Galadriel acting so imature? She is several thousand years old, surely she would have learned not to tell your potential enemy all your plans? And her and Elrond snipping at each other felt kind of out of character for both of them.

The Dwarves,

I don't have much to say about this, it was all great, showing how the rings provide help but at a price. And Durin not knowing what to do about it

Eregion,

Aside from a few small nitpicks this was all really good, personally I would have made Celebrimbor's realisation that things were going wrong take a bit longer, but it was very effective.

Also where is Celeborn?

Episodes 7 and 8

Unimportant stuff first, thankfully the hobbit and Gandalf stuff was kept to a minimum. Is the dark wizard supposed to be Saruman? He looks like him but it might be a misdirect.

Isildur and that girl's romance was kind of weird, you met her like 2 days ago and then went through several life threatening situations, you are not in love, you are just a teenager.

In Numenor I think Elendil has become my favourite character in the whole series, he really feels like a Tolkien character where some of the others don't as much. I do have one question, who keeps letting him meet the queen? Even if she's not the queen anymore she's still important, why doesn't Pharazon have guards or something to make sure she can't endanger his position by meeting with dangerous people?

I can't wait for Kevin to be killed by an ent or something, he is so awful in the best way that makes you keep watching in hopes of him dieing.

In Eregion, I take back my criticism of the pacing of this plotline, Celebrimbor slowly figuring out that he's been lied to and that Annatar is Sauron was so tragic. Annatar/Sauron is that kind of evil where you completely believe that he thinks he's doing the right thing, but he's still completely evil, I was worried after the first season that they were going to try and make him a sympathetic and relatable villain, but I think they effectively made it so you understand why he's doing what he's doing but without making it so you want him to succeed. He's also such a malipulative drama queen it's very fun to watch.

The other elves, I thought Arondir died and I was very annoyed, I just started liking him, but somehow he was absolutely fine, hurray, but also how? Wasn't he stabbed?

The barrow wites were very creepy until they suddenly became potc characters and I couldn't take them seriously. Also a down is a grass covered hill, not a forest, and I am pretty sure the barrow wites shouldn't exist yet, but oh well.

I'm sorry but Elrond kissing Galadriel is the stupidest thing to happen in this entire series and I hate it, again where is Celeborn?

I wish they hadn't killed Adar so abruptly, he had to die eventually but I would have felt sadder if I had actually believed there was a chance Galadriel and him could work together, if he hadn't died they would have been trying to kill each other in less than a day so it didn't feel like a great loss. I mean I liked his character but his time was up and there wasn't much left he could do expect die.

I am not sure about the end of the Khazadum plotline, how are the Dwarves going to mine more Mithril with the Balrog there? If you knew there was a terrible monster living in your cellar wouldn't you try and get rid of it? Or leave? Not just keep living there and hoping it won't be a problem. And knowing how it's going to end makes it hard to get invested in the political stuff. Everything before that last scene was pretty good though.

And finally, Galadriel vs Sauron, I liked this scene, Sauron changing into different forms to try and unsettle Galadriel, and the fact that he thought he could still get here to join him despite everything was, I think, a good way of showing that he is not all powerful or just capable of controlling people, they have to let him.

All in all I did enjoy this season despite it's flaws, yes I have probably written more complaints then praise but that's just because if I like something, I like it, if I dislike something I like to figure out what exactly I dislike about it and then, if it is just a matter of personal preference or an actual flaw in the media.

And writing "it was very pretty" about every set and most of the costumes would get pretty repetitive. The acting was probably good but I am probably not a good judge of that, I think almost all acting is good.

My main problem with this season is time and distance, how long has it been between scenes? How are people getting to and from places so quickly? Where are they exactly? Middle earth is big, it should take weeks for some of these trips, and the implication is that this is all happening fairly quickly, I don't know if anyone said how long it was but my assumption is that the whole season took a month at most.

Those are my thoughts on season 2, I am looking forward to season 3, it has the potential to be even better and I hope it lives up to it.

(Celeborn had better show up with Celebrian already grown up because otherwise things will be very weird)

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

Honestly thank you so much for always creating S-rank heroine (and Tesilid) content! I just stumbled into your blog today after searching for S-Rank Heroine content in Tumblr and I can already see myself looking forward to any of your future posts.

Everytime I read any of your posts I lose my mind a little bit more (especially Thesilid's "you've always sided with the world",,, I didn't realize the meaning of why he said that until I read your post after [SPOILER] happens and I'm wrecked because,,, Thesilid,,, *shakes his shoulders* he has been through so much and he deserves a vacation)

I am also curious about your pfp, did you draw it yourself or was it a panel from the manhwa? I don't think I've seen it before, but then again I might've missed or misremembered it (I really need to reread it soon...)

WAAAH THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK!!!

did a little dance when i saw the follower notif and now im wiping happy tears!! when i first checked the s-class heroine tag on tumblr i was so devastated to find NOTHING apart from just novel covers orz. im so glad to hear that i helped make your experience different! tysm for telling me so i can have this moment <3

(cut for length)

and thank you for following me on my adventure of losing my mind about tesilid argente, the moment i connected the dots for "you're on the side of this world" was legit so bad. like realising [spoiler] felt like a horror reveal, and rereading every tesilid moment after was a growing sense of fascinated horror and when i read that line, for a second of blissful ignorance that line was the same but then i connected the dots and i had to legit pause during my reread and press my hand to my eyes and choke out a little sob. i want to wrap him up in a blanket so bad. i rly understand why ailette is so overprotective of him now, but the fact that ailette is also a source of stress for him.... ughhhh.

anw for my pfp, it's from ch 31 of the webtoon! it's when ailette is told by the TM gods that she only exists in tesilid's 17th timeline and she imagines what it must be like for him

i love this moment bc whenever i read it pre-spoiler i was like hahaha so cute and funny and tesilid looks sooo cute as a doll and ill also not think abt the implications of this and hope for the best.

and then post spoiler it's just. the most devastating thing ever. it's so cruel that it's presented so cutely. i love it. it makes me want to scream and howl.

and in the parts of the novel that i've read, i haven't even seen how tesilid actually feels about this and dealt with it. i bet it's gg to be like when ailette finally found him again and he was in way worse shape than i could have ever imagined.

[antimonyandthyme]

Hi. I've just finished reading Shutter Speed. I've been trying to come up with the words to tell you how grateful I am to you for writing this. The fic has been on my list for several weeks now but I've been putting it off for one reason or the other. And I'm sure life has given it to me at the right time because I've been going through some pretty horrible stuff these past few weeks and reading your fic has given me some really needed relief. It made me smile so much and I could actually feel the warmth in my chest when I read certain paragraphs. It's just so beautiful and I feel like I'm not expressing how thankful I am for every second of effort you put into writing this gorgeous work.... THANK YOU. I am in tears as I type this. Your work let me escape the real world and the emotional stress I am under for a few hours. I spent so much time looking through the work of all the photographers you've mentioned in the fics. I had such a wonderful time. Your writing is truly incredible. Seb's insecurity and Mark's undisguised longing when he looks at him 😭🖤 And Lewis and Val's gentle and easy love in the background. Britta being the queen that she is. And that tender sex scene in the end???? Just.... God I have no words.

'The Nikon 70-200mm lens seems absurdly heavy in his hands. It feels like a responsibility.'

'Sebastian wants to shake Mark awake and go, Look, look at that. See that gold? See how it matches your hair?'

“I didn’t feel unsafe. Not for a second.”

“He’s excellent in front of the camera,” Sebastian says hastily, when what he means is, The light strikes him as if he were a diamond, and the shadows adhere to his face like a lover.

“It’s the way you look at my camera.”

“I’m not looking at your camera,” Mark says this like a fact. “I’m looking at you.”

“I can’t see anything else,” Sebastian gasps, and it’s the truth. He closes his eyes and Mark’s there. He gazes off in the distance where the sun sets and Mark’s there. “All I see is you.”

All these lines permanently altered my brain chemistry.

I am so sorry. I really wish I could put into words how much your fic means to me right now. I'll just settle for 'Thank you' at the moment. I just feel like your fic has picked me up and given me a huge, warm hug. I look forward to reading more of your work. I hope you have an amazing holiday season.

dear dear anon. i've read and reread this lovely comment so many times and am very much at a loss for words. honestly means the world that you took the time to share your thoughts with me. i'm so over the moon the fic could be a source of encouragement in a tough time; writing brings me a lot of joy in part because i get to share it with people, and this is the greatest thing i could have hoped for with a fic! the most wonderful thing. thank you for letting me know i appreciate it from the bottom of my heart!

also i'm so so happy you looked up the photographers mentioned, if you have any thoughts on them you'd like to share i'd love to hear it! here's a lil tidbit i wanna share with you, when i mentioned iconic photographs of lips this was one of them by daido moriyama of course!

i am wrapping you in a blanket and sharing a cup of hot choco with you i am giving you the biggest, hugest warm hug i possibly can, i hope you're doing better, wherever you are, and i'm wishing you the very very best. mwah mwah mwah