#but now my baseline is a lot better so i feel like for once im able to reap the benefits of working out

[butcharium]

Gym updates:

° I am actually..... enjoying this..? Especially strength training makes me happy! I've had the complete sicko sequence of thought and actions being "wow I feel so shitty today maybe I should work out that will help" - then actually gone to the gym - and it works

° I'd still rather eat glass than do running for any extended period of time tho, running does NOT spark joy for me

° I signed up with a PT, we actually work really well together and I feel like she gets me AND she's a fellow pcos girlie!! (Well that's actually maybe why she gets me)

° some of you might remember back in January (?) I met an older butch4butch couple at the gym and womaned up enough to ask for help with bench press! Well I've met them again!!! We randomly met at a market and they invited me to sit down with them and have a coffee!!!! And it was really nice!!! They also told me what days they go to HIT&strength classes at the gym but the one time I've been able to fit it into my own schedule neither of them were there and also I hated the class rip. Sometimes I do pass one or both on my way in and out of the gym tho which is always nice!

° I listen to the original Sherlock Holmes stories on audiobook, and keep this as a treat reserved for the gym. Now I only have a few short stories left! I loved these stories as a kid and would rummage through flea markets to find translations. Now I listen in English and they're just really funny and interesting and have made working out more enjoyable! Idk what to do when I finish tho. I guess I'll have to stop going to the gym or maybe just start from the top again.

° the sauna is currently out of order which is making the dip into the small cold pool after workout slightly less enjoyable. But I've been promised that it shall be back and running by next week (not true the other times I've been told this) but I hope that's the case bc I Love the Sauna, and I enjoy that there's a space where you can just be naked and introverted with strangers (or on your own).

° net positive in my life! I think it is contributing to my being a bit more up-beat and energized, or at least less tired, in my day to day life. I am one who needs structures, but I struggle with implementing them, and the gym has actually been one of the few things I've been able to keep up, and it helps me structure my week!

°EDIT: how could I forget?? My knees are doing much better!!!

(I still appreciate any tips any of you would have regarding the gym or exercises or experiences etc!!)

[orcelito]

Ok do blocked tags not show up in the recent section of following tags as much???? Bc here I am thinking plantcest is rare on tumblr in comparison to twitter, but then I happen upon a post in the trending tab of the tag & then go to the blog to block them (as I do). And then I end up finding post after post after post of plantcest, so hey Free Blocklist. I must've blocked like 10 blogs man and some of them were artists whose work I recognized. Literally How did I miss all this shit?

[narfin-frood]

i've been itching to share my swap au since i thought it up, but i think i now finally have an actual baseline to introduce it with!!

the idea isn't that it's a personality swap, but a role swap, with wander and sylvia as antagonists and hater and peepers as the protags, and i have a whole lot to say about it so im gonna go ahead and infodump below the cut

so i've renamed these two, at least, since hater's story has become less about getting over himself and more about how he sees the world Now That He's Gotten Over Himself. i'm calling him The Great (and absent) Lord Lackadaisical right now, but i don't think that's what he'd like to be called, since he's an absent ruler who doesn't really care to be in a position of so much power and would rather fuck off to all the planets with really nice hot tubs. he and Sir Peepers (his loyal knight who cannot be convinced to leave his side) travel the galaxy with hater's sweet ride (i'm not too good at designing motorcycles yet. pending).

i haven't thought of new names/titles for wander and sylvia just yet (i cannot just call him Sitter Over Therer) but i do know what their deal is, and it's the main reason i made this au (i feel like if wander were a villain he would not in fact be a villain like lord hater or dominator because i think that kinda disregards wander's whole Shit, he'd be like screwball, and even then he'd have very strong convictions that he's doing the right thing): wander has a cult (a hivemind, kinda) and sylvia is his priest.

i think wander comes along this mushroom during a time in his life when everything seems to have been torn asunder, and instead of continuing his adventures and learning and growing as a person, the mushroom offers a solution that doesn't require much effort on his behalf. the mushroom links people together borg-style, makes them share a brain and a purpose. wander not only thinks it's super neat, but he's in such a poor state of mind when he finds it, he convinces himself it's the only way to make the galaxy a better place.

sylvia is the only person in his Ring of Friends who isn't hooked up to the mushroom, because she's actually wander's friend, and she's his ride or die. she does the things she does out of free will and dedication to her best friend, including preaching and fisticuffs.

^^^ here's some more of my initial concept art. originally the mushroom was gonna be a tree, but i had a vision of an upside down mushroom (or several, to take the place of watchdogs) scuttling around and by god is it easy to make that look like his hat.

the thing that really really pushes wander over the edge is the sheer boredom of it all. when he's connected to the mushroom, he's very little more than the brain they all share. he can't move around, and that KILLS him (see: the hole lotta nuthin). so when hater (name pending) comes along and refuses to join him and annoys him enough, he gets suuuuper stoked about having something to really DO for once.

anyway. this is what i've got for now. do you like it. you can be honest if you dont like it

[angelmush]

hi molly, you inspire me so much, thank you for being you. im about to move to a new city by myself for the first time and im scared. how did you build your life into one you loved? how do i meet people? i want so many things but sometimes they seem so far out of reach!! anyway, wishing you well and it always makes me happy to come visit your page and see you living life so fully :)

hello sweet anon!! sorry i am just getting to this, i was out of town for a few days and have been pretty offline in general lately. to be honest, i feel really really really underqualified to answer any questions about meeting people and making friends, as it is something that has never come easily to me, but i will do my best because i am SO excited for you!! moving somewhere new can be really healing!! i also want to gently remind you that social media-- even tumbr --is a highlight reel.

building my life into one i loved.

i think it's a few things.

it's a skill to find excitement about small things. delicious meals, nice weather, cute animals. being intentional about noticing and allowing yourself to feel excited about the little stuff does some kind of magic in your brain, and in appreciating your life in general. i am not naturally gifted at this whatsoever, but it's a muscle that takes practice to build, like anything.

i also dedicate a LOT of my free time to hobbies. right now it's mostly knitting, but often it's cooking and training my dog as well. watching movies and talking about them with people. spending time decorating the house. i'm very very very much a homebody, often to my detriment. it is monumentally difficult for me to take the first steps to leave the house to do things, even fun things, but once i do i am almost always better for it.

one sort of silly way i have helped to mitigate this, is that my girlfriend and i have started making seasonal bucket lists and magnetizing them onto our fridge. it turns it into sort of a game i guess, and it makes me feel accomplished to cross things off. we did really really well with ours this summer! we have three sections, small things (make smoothies, try a new dinner recipe, make a playlist), medium things (take the dog to the lake, see a movie in the theater, have drinks on a patio), and large things (go camping, go to pride, celebrate my birthday), etc. we just made our fall/winter one and i'm already sooooo excited for it!! it helped me to have a reason to leave the house while we were still getting our bearings in this new city.

i also have limited my social media time more recently on all apps except tumblr and pinterest to 15 minutes per day total. this helps me feel so much less frantic and it's easier for me to stay present than it used to be.

i also started taking medication! it's been a really big piece of the puzzle for me, personally. it helps my baseline be significantly more resilient and regulated and stable. it isn't a singular fix, but it opens up more space for that joy.

as far as meeting people goes, i will let you know when i figure it out LOL. im someone that needs a lot of quiet alone time to function and so i spend a lot of time with myself. i am still learning how to make the bridge from casual friends to a deeper and more meaningful friendship with the people ive met since moving here last august, and it's been a very clumsy imperfect process.

i'm sure this probably wasn't all that helpful haha it felt disjointed to write, and like i said, i am severely underqualified to give advice on this topic. but these are a handful of things i think have helped me in the last year, so hopefully there's something you can take from it!! wishing you all the luck and joy and wonder on your endeavors!! you can send me an ask anytime!! <33

[necroangelz]

no one's gonna save you now so you better save yourself !!

day 7 of @ebiuxxxx's event

“ a character / song you don't know at all. ”

QUANXI EDIT! holy shit this is my final prompt for this event wahhahahahah i feel so powerful. anyway yeah idk who this is I've only seen csm's anime but she looks really hot and her playlists are super hot too. idk how much this counts as a graphic but FUCK YOU ALL (@ no one) idc

rambling under the cut. like/rb appreciated!

NOW PLAYING: After The Storm by Kali Uchis feat. Tyler, The Creator && Bootsy Collins !!

ok so like yeah I've watched the chainsaw man anime and honestly i think it's really cool, i enjoyed it a lot, and I'm interested in the manga but i don't have a lot of attention span to read manga </3 so the information remains unknown to me. i read quanxi's wiki once but i forgot about the stuff i read so she's still practically unknown to me. all i know is that her name is pretty, she has Women, and she is SO FUCKING HOT AAAAHHH im gonna look at fanarts of her soon

i also looked at playlists of her and i really like the songs. to go with the prompt i linked a song that i also don't know!

while making this edit i also tested how to like. do stuff, in ibispaint. like drop shadows, strokes, doing stuff with layers idrk how to describe but like fucking with their length, etc. so it was a great learning experience! also recoloring stuff is much more fun than i expected ngl... the amount of clipping layers i made..... i realized i probably should've used a material photo for the picture frames instead of coloring above it but oh well! too lazy to fix that now and it looks fine the way it is

anyway yeah this is my first "editing" event done. it was really fun i like events bc the prompts give me a baseline for what to do and also a sense of urgency to complete everything [: it's like hw except i don't want to kill myself

[hpdfag]

Hi!! I hope you’re feeling nicer now, how have you been lately? Has your project gone well? Yesterday I went to Jiluka’s concert in Milan (they’re a metalcore visual kei band if you don’t know them!!) and it was super nice! You can find a lot of clips online if you’re curious, they’re pretty cool. I just wanted to check on you and see how you’re doing now, since last time we talked you weren’t at your best…and don’t worry about sometimes answering a bit more “””dry”””, you’re struggling and I completely understand that! I don’t feel ignored or overlooked at all either, so it’s all fine. I really missed speaking to you more…

- 🧶

hihi !! i am feeling a bit better now, i've just been so stressed out about school and that tends to translate to more frequent paranoia which becomes more frequent psychotic episodes and.. u know how it goes /silly

my project is going really well!! once i have some free time this week im going to work on coding in an artbook and notebook to host my art and writing so it can persist even if i deactivate digiitaldaydreams like my past accounts :] it'll be nice to have a proper archive of it all!

and that sounds super super cool, i'm so glad u got to go!! i'm going to a concert myself soon, i'm gonna be seeing mitski in portland in a few weeks :D it's super exciting even if im a bit nervous about how big the concert is gonna be ... ive been to three concerts already but they were all pretty small in comparison ^_^;; (if you're curious, all three were first aid kit performances! they were certainly big but not Sold Out Moda Center big ... they just filled up a modest concert hall but it was still magical!)

thank u so much for checking in on me, im sorry that ive been so worked up lately there's just been so much on my mind on top of the baseline anxiety so its so easy to just. spontaneously enter a panic attack or episode .. which sucks !! i do not enjoy it truly !!

and thank u, even if u dont mind it, it still makes me feel bad to not be able to respond as well as i'd like. i hope that this wall of text makes up for it a little bit! i've missed speaking to you more too, i hope you're doing alright urself :D

[catenation]

Bido is gonna be the show stealer here isnt he. I wanna know what his relationships and general opinions are towards the other characters that end up in this main group of yours

cracks my knuckles (and also thank you so much for sending all these i feel the spirit of Story entering me once more)

in rough order from goodest to baddest:

greed: i could write entire essays about greed and bido even just in the context of what little we see of their relationship in canon but suffice it to say things are complicated in there. on the one hand theyre undeniably close. even disregarding how close i think they were before, just by process of elimination at the start of this theyre each flat out the most important person in each others life. bido has incredible depths of trust and admiration and care and Yearning for greed and greed in return also trusts bido completely, admires him, and loves him in his own "when i call you my possession it definitely definitely definitely doesnt mean my bff" way.

...the problem here is that on the other hand, he did tell bradley during the fight in the sewers that none of his henchmen are his friends. and bido heard that. and greed doesnt tell lies. Whoops.

having all his friends murdered, on its own, is pretty detrimental to greeds progress towards admitting (to himself as well as others) the One Big Thing. the good thing about this is that at least he does still have a guy left who he cares about enough to value HIS feelings on the subject, but the problem is dragging those feelings out into the open in the first place, and bido is going to have to be the one to do it. godspeed.

mei: she comes barreling into his life right as hes in the process of lighting the match to burn all his bridges. needless to say that match winds up tossed into the river. no one is immune. he hasnt gotten along with many kids in the past but mei is polite and earnest enough that he very quickly gets attached and starts thinking of her as part of the group, no matter how bad the fear gets that now he has someone else to lose.

everyone in this group has strong similarities that i think make them really good as a team, and with mei and bido, they each have baseline-quiet personalities interrupted by strong outbursts of emotion, especially getting really mad when they sense an injustice. theyre also both hopeless romantics and optimists at heart, even though bidos had decades to get jaded by his experiences and try to couch his hopes in realism, and mei sort of brings that back out in him, the realization that maybe the world Can be a better place. and in turn he teaches her that sometimes you have to hedge your expectations and work with what youve got. balance......

scar: so. scars got some Hangups, around chimeras. one of the first scenes i pictured when i was brainstorming this was bido and scar discussing nina, and bido bringing his own perspective on what he did that wouldnt really be what scar expected. everything about bido kind of throws scar off a little bit. he isnt sure what to make of him, whether to feel pity or disgust or?? ?compassion? (he is so burnt out on compassion but he cant help it either) (neither of them can help it)

in the end getting to know bido helps scar to realize that despite whats been done to him hes still just. A Guy. and in doing so helps him along the long road to accepting that he, too, is just A Guy.

yoki: bido does not like yoki. yoki is both all things that grate on him in a person (acts like hes still rich, snobby, selfish) and at the same time way too similar to himself for his own liking (weird little man, complains a lot, always scurrying about). he makes him self-conscious in a way he does not like at All. unfortunately for bido yoki (at some point along the line that im still not 100% solid on) decides inexplicably that he has to be Nice to bido and it drives him up the wall because he thinks hes patronizing him but its actually because i thought making yoki the ignored one-sided third point on a love triangle would be really funny.

marcoh: oh he likes marcoh even less than yoki. bidos experiences have created in him a serious distrust of any and all doctors, whether theyve been forced to quit the profession or not, and especially ones associated with the government. marcohs sadsack attitude does not endear him to bido at all and he spends most of his time glaring at or avoiding him. eventually he gets used to him being around, at least enough to stop registering him as a threat, and i do want them to talk at least once, but the two of them are probably the weakest bond in the group all things considered.

i hope very strongly that my bido characterization is enough to make people as excited about him as i am......maybe i can pull in some new bido fans with this. thats really like a solid 80% of the goal here

[daaedoodles]

so an update for tumblr even though i don’t know who’s going to see this since i’ve been inactive for yonks

i have a diagnosis!! well, two actually. the cardiologist from my last appointment wrote (POTS) postural orthoststic tachycardia syndrome / dysautonomia, and i saw a GP last week who worked under the recently retired CFS specialist here, who says i fit the ICC (international consensus criteria) for, and therefore have ME/CFS.

my parents are still clowning a little trying to get me to take weird herbal medicines, but once that’s over and it doesn’t help (it probably won’t honestly) they finally have to take me seriously 😭

i have a treatment plan in place, right now for the POTS i’m trialing ivabradine and bisoprolol to see which one works best/less side effects.

for the CFS, i’ve got a lot to do so i’m just going to drop in a photo.

i mean i’ve been dealing with this for so long and i’ve never been able to grasp the concept of actually stopping before my body physically makes me stop (via pain, dizziness, nausea, fatigue) because i figure if i feel okay right then and there why should i stop before i get tired? and how do i even know when to stop on days where i feel like crap?? as a healthy person you feel fine doing things, you can go to a whole day at school or even do extracurriculars and go out to malls with friends so you never really have to stop before you want to or you’re used to - but now i’m pretty much being told ‘stop before your body tells you to stop’ which is just?? weird. i cant wrap my head around it but i’m going to have to because apparently if i keep going the way i am, my baseline will keep getting worse - and if i actually follow the doctors treatment plan i will feel better over time (months, a year even)

i probably need to be a little more attentive to my symptoms because sometimes i can’t tell when they’re starting to get worse until they’re bad enough that i physically have to stop whatever im doing and rest 😭 like even right now typing this i’m feeling okay but starting to get a little achey - but that’s normal for me doing just about anything ever, which i presume is when i’m meant to stop and rest so uhm 🤡

it feels really weird having a diagnosis, i’ve been working towards one for months because i knew this was the problem, but also now that i have the diagnosis i don’t really want to face it. it’s a bit of a feelings-of-doom inducing diagnosis, i mean there’s no end in sight, either way, it’s not a garauntee it’ll get worse or better or that i’ll ever recover, but if the doctor feels optimistic then i’m going to try and be aswell 👍

hopefully i’ll be more active posting here or on ao3 soon, i know a lot of new readers have dropped into pieces!au while i’ve been gone because of the email notifications so it would be pretty tragic if i just jumped ship and never wrote for the fandom again 💀 i will be back i swear, once i figure out the basics of how to even pace myself i’ll be more active on socials.

love you all, take care <3

[awsugar]

Weird question but could you possibly list some pros and unexpected good things that come out of see a therapist. I'm uhhh going through a bad time and everyone is trying to get me to go talk to someone but the thought of talking to someone about those things gives me such anxiety that i start to shake, which i know is definitely a reason to go but i just can't get myself to do it.

im putting this under a cut cause it got long

ok well first of all i will say for me, i think the medication i'm on is doing the heavy lifting of like making me a lot less suicidal on a daily basis which was like. the thing keeping me constantly in crisis. but therapy is still an important part of my treatment. so i would say i do recommend looking into medication and honestly it can take ages to find something that works but if you have really bad anxiety and depression i think medication, if you find the right one, can help a lot! and more quickly than therapy as well bc medication can start working right away or up to a month but therapy is kind of a long haul thing. i get that not everyone wants to take medication but for me it really really works now that i finally found the right one. so for me the combination is really important. just putting that out there. (however if you're just going through a specific hardship rn thats making things difficult for you and it's not a chronic mental illness then therapy alone will probably be great!)

anyway, your real question, pros of therapy. what i talk about a lot with my therapist is reframing my thoughts. she gives me strategies to think about my life in more positive ways bc one of my issues is thinking negatively about basically everything and also catastrophizing. so i would say a pro is being able to think about things in a different way that doesn't make you so upset/makes you feel better about the situation. along that line, a good therapist willl be blunt with you and tell you when the stuff you're coming up with is bullshit. a lot of the stuff i worry about is not based in reality so she helps me realize when i'm just pulling worries out of thin air. also healthy coping mechanisms! i personally have a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms what with chronic substance abuse and binge eating and self harm and i'm not like perfect with those things still but she helps me come up with a plan to cope in better ways. i think you'll also find that it really helps to have someone you can be totally honest with. there are things i won't tell my friends or my parents obviously but with her i know i can talk about those things and not be judged and sometimes just getting things off your chest helps a ton. i think it also can help a lot to improve your relationships. i struggle with a lot of black and white thinking so my therapist is able to tell me, if i explain a struggle im going through with one of my personal relationships, if i'm being too stubborn or not seeing the big picture she helps with that. i think they can also help you to realize the people in your personal life that might be. bringing you down/toxic and help you to remove those people from your life or learn how to better deal with them if it's someone you can't cut out like a family member etc. a friend who i asked for input also said that therapy can help you get into things that you didn’t even realize were issues to begin with, and then they can help you deal with those as well. and she said and unexpected pro for her was finding out that some chronic physical issues were related to anxiety, and through treatment they went away. i know you said you have a lot of anxiety so i think that’s a big one.

anyway, with all of that, i'm just going to tell you that going to therapy once a week isn't going to make you happy. it's something that requires work and dedication from YOU. you have to take the things that you learn from your therapist and implement them in your life in order to notice a difference in how you feel and it really is all about changing the way you think about the things that are causing you stress/pain.

additionally, i see a lot of people i know talk about how they don't tell their therapist anything or they don't tell the truth or they give only a little bit of information to keep them from prying. if you're going to do that you shouldn't bother paying for therapy. you need to be honest and open about your problems if you're going to get any help in return on how to improve them. therapy is honestly all about what YOU put in to it. it's not a magical cure that you get just by talking about your problems. it took me a really long time and many therapists to learn that.

the last thing i'll say is that if you do start therapy, it's important to find a therapist that you like and you think you can create a good rapport with and that makes you feel comfortable enough to be open and honest like you need to be. a lot of times that isn't going to be the very first person you see. it can take a few (or more) people to get someone who really meshes with you and that's ok, you just need to not give up. if you start therapy and you're not vibing with them after the first couple sessions you need to be honest with them about that and look for someone else. dragging your feet with a therapist whos style doesnt work for you is just as bad as not being honest with them. you won't get what you need out of it.

so that's what i have to say about therapy basically. it can definitely help in a lot of ways as long as you are willing to put in the work, in combination with finding the right person. i know you're scared and anxious about talking about that stuff with someone, probably especially someone you don't know, but most therapists will not delve into your deepest issues in the first few sessions. they'll want to get to know you on a more baseline level and create a level of trust so that you DO feel more comfortable telling them everything on your mind in the future.

i hope this was helpful at all and i'm sorry you're having a bad time and i hope you can find something that helps!!! <3

[intersexfairy]

Hi! i’ve been questioning if im autistic and i relate a lot to it and it feels like my life just clicked! but im still not very sure and want to know how meltdowns are really like and if all autistics stim? or how do some autistics stim since every autistic is very different! :)

Congrats on your self discovery! Regardless of whether you come to learn you're autistic or not autistic, I hope you're able to learn more things and understand yourself better to enhance your life!

Not all autistics stim, or have meltdowns for that matter. And when we do have meltdowns and stim, it's different for everyone!

Some people stim vocally (repeating phrases, humming, singing)... through rhythm (tapping, tongue clicking)... through body movement (rocking and flapping are most common)... through listening to/playing music, drawing, watching people draw... eating... through smelling scents they like...

Anything that engages the senses (hearing, sight, smell, taste, touch, etc) counts! Stimming is normally done to fulfill some kind of need or want, and sometimes that can be as simple as just wanting the Good Sensory Input, or it can be to calm us down, comfort us, entertain us, a compulsion, or a whole host of reasons - sometimes it's a form of communication with others/a love language when stimming is shared!

And when we have meltdowns, common causes are being overwhelmed by sensory input, tasks/instructions, or socializing. We may also have meltdowns when our routines/expectations for the day are disrupted, we're sensorily underwhelmed and dont have access to the sensory input we desire, or when someone violates our boundaries.

There are a lot of causes for meltdowns, and I definitely didn't list them all here, but being overwhelmed, underwhelmed, or disrupted are some of the most common reasons. Something that triggers me a lot for example are tasks like cleaning that involve a lot of visual sensory input (messes) and executive function coordination.

Meltdowns also look different for every one. Some people cry, sob, scream, others get silent, or begin to stim vocally. We also may begin to stim in other ways, and in meltdowns these stims can sometimes be harmful and hurt us, as we may be stimming to release pent up energy and emotions. Externally, meltdowns can look like anything - someone could be having a meltdown and look like they're functioning as usual on the outside!

But on the inside, we're typically in a frenzy, our thoughts may be racing or unclear, likely focusing intensely on the cause of our distress, or on how distressed we are. Some of us will be very driven to find a way to stop the pain (meltdowns are quite mentally, and sometimes physically, painful), and when the avenues to do so are unavailable, that can make it worse.

Something related to meltdowns is burnout, which I don't have enough knowledge on to explain but feel free to look into that!

Meltdowns, IMO, are often a response to our needs and wants being unfulfiled, attacked, ignored, or violated. When we have access to the things we need to remain properly stimulated or able to function at our baseline or be alone when we need to, etc. etc., we're much less likely to have meltdowns.

Some of us also learn to mask or shove aside our discomfort/distress as a survival mechanism, which may prevent us from having meltdowns since we're so far detached from our needs and wants and selves. In these cases, distress can be expressed in ways more associated with things like depression or anxiety (we often have depression or anxiety as a result of masking and suppressing ourselves).

As such, some of us can go a decent chunk of our lives without having meltdowns, or only having them rarely, and begin to have them once the environment around us is increasingly not conductive to our needs and wants, at which point our masking and maladaptive coping mechanisms begin to fail and meltdowns cannot be avoided.

Andd now this ask is very long and I think I got the gist down. Sorry it's so long, mental health just so happens to be my special interest so I got to infodump here basically lmao

[nazukisser]

I WANTED TO POST ABT MY SELFSHIP W NAZUNA SO HERE WE GO

our dynamic is basically parenting before dating but ending up getting married, all about that domestic lifestyle

raising our friends so true! i love my 3rd year at ra*bits tehe he doesnt have to be teased for being shortest because now im here and im shorter, and i dont mind at all.

it's a routine to buy mitsuru bread often, and once in a while buy something really nice for hajime and tomoya to make them really happy. i dont think i have too many monetary issues but if i give them too much (i would love to spoil them) they'll feel too guilty so we'll just space it out a little <33

we usually buy lunch and dinner at the cafeteria, but sometimes we'll head to the kitchen at night to make something for lunch the next day. im not the most experienced and neither is nazuna, but we got this! if it all goes south we can buy bread from mitsuru's favorite bakeries and everyone will be happy

wait am i talking about the children too much oopsie (theyre like 2 yrs younger but we raise them now) nazuna and i text each other way too much and we talk about anything and everything from the children to schoolwork. we're in the kotatsu a lot during the winter and as soon as they know its on, they join us. we got one suited for 5 people <33

whenever we run into itsuki, i'm always the one trying to talk, but nazuna's always got something to say. i know he gets emotional, but... it's better to have someone itsuki has baseline respect for to talk to him rather than someone he considers a traitor,.... it doesnt go anywhere. its really just better to have mika talk abt anything we need with him,,, i get more angry than nazuna at times though... (i understand but i dont forgive too much, not that i have much against itsuki rn bcs of)

im not that good at dancing and singing, but i am good at telling when they need a break and when they can keep going. they wanna maximize their time before the live and im here to keep them healthy as possible. nazuna and i plan out meals and i make sure they have all the water and towels they need. young boys sweat a lot (not surprisingly)

if you want more selfship brainrot feel free to send asks <33

[sunshinemellow-fic]

thank you for the tag @kuriousaboutuzumakis !! 

Rules: List 10 things you are thankful/grateful for that happened in 2021:

1. This was my first full year out of school / a very rigorous exhausting program that left me with... 0 sense of self (WHOOPS). So I started watching TV again which sounds silly but I hadn’t watched full shows in their entirety for years! I forgot how nice it was to just curl up on the couch and become a potato. 

2. In the same vein as being freshly out of school, this was the first year I had the bandwidth to do a lot of the Adult Things that I had procrastinated doing while in school! Finding a local dentist / primary care Dr / etc. I was a wreck in terms of my health and had previously just not done any routine checkups (lol) so this was Big for me! 

3. More health stuff-- got blood panels done! I was miserable and had just assumed I was physically healthy bc I was running long distances each week and that all my misery was caused by mental health problems. Finally got nutritional blood panels done and it turns out I’m deficient in like everything related to mood! This tracks, bc I generally eat like an unmanaged 13 yr old boy, but in some ways it was a big relief to know part of my current condition is “fixable” via food and supplements when I had just assumed it was my baseline state.  

4. Made a bunch of Fancy Adult purchases. Got myself a really nice mattress and a really nice bed. And bookshelf. And other unnecessary things to turn my apartment into something that resembles an adult habitat LMAO. It is very nice and light and airy and exactly my aesthetic which feels Good.  

5. Started crocheting again! I’ve made a couple of things that I have given away. Working on a blanket for my grandma now. 

6. Once I was vaccinated, I started hanging out with friends again! Board game nights and museum trips and lots and lots of boba. Went to a halloween party and slept on a friend’s floor bc we were too drunk to make it to the beds HAHAH. Embarrassing but also feels nice to have these early 20s experiences. 

7. Started reading books! In school I took a bunch of lit courses but I had stopped reading books for pleasure rather than study (of course books for study can be pleasurable but not exactly in the same way). I read like a book a week this year which felt Utterly Luxurious given my previous lifestyle. 

8. Started saying no to things when I knew they would impact my health! I used to be the kind of person who would work through the night (I still am, I did a bunch of those this year lol) but I’m getting better at looking at the time and saying, alright I need sleep more than I need to get this done. I am still working on this lol. Working on cutting work off once the weekend starts and keeping my work computer Shut through Saturday and Sunday. 

9. Setting financial goals! I wish this was something that is discussed more but I understand why it isn’t-- it can be very stressful and private. But I built up a several month emergency fund for rent/food if I ever need it! Also contributed big chunks to multiple retirement accounts and got it invested and learned about stonks which was both Stressful and Empowering! As someone who doesn’t have a good relationship with my parents and who cannot rely on them as a safety net (bc honestly, we all will need safety nets at different points in our lives), it was very important that I do this for myself to feel safe! 

10. I adopted my cat in 2020 but I spent this year relentlessly spoiling her. She is a brat and a tyrant and I couldn’t be prouder. 

Tagging (im sorry if u have already done this, I haven’t been online in forever and might have missed it): @birkastan2018 @sleepyfoxfanworks @heyitswrenn @bl1ndbraavosi @gleafbb @x-cloud-x

[the-family-fortune]

Earlier today Cali asked me quite possibly the worst thing you CAN ask me

And boy howdy did I have some thoughts. 

idk if ive mentioned it here before or not but I have a lot of feelings about the idea of redemption in psy2. I LIKE the idea that no one is beyond redemption, that people can be good and that we are all, at our core, just hurting. and those are the themes that psychonauts plays with. mental illnesses that are seen as "scary" like the inmates (though the inmates themselves are rarely presented as scary, with maybe the exception of Edgar because he's just. huge.) - bipolar mood swings with inexplicable rage, Edgar's anger issues and sheer strength combined into an intimidating figure, and the stigma of multiple personalities like how Fred acts meek one second and then on the warpath the next when he "switches". All of these oooh scary mental illnesses are literally just people grappling with trauma. Edgar's OCD and the trauma from high school, Fred's... weird genetic memory issues, and Gloria's inner critic and the death of her mother. These things are like, Normal People Problems (sorry fred idk what the fuck is up with u buddy ur on another level all together) and really contextualize the inmates' mental illness in a way that emphasizes the main theme of empathy. 

I intentionally leave Boyd out of this because while the root of his mental illness is schizoaffective paranoia, his ROLE as the Milkman and in fact his entire mindscape is the product of Oleander's hypnosis.

So like, I VIBE WITH THAT, its a really really interesting take on the conversation about mental illness and how these things do not make people inherently bad or scary!!

But I feel like, BASED ON WHAT WE KNOW RIGHT NOW, that the Galochios - or, at the very least, Zalto on his own - fall into a different kind of category.

The Galochios from the start are jealous people. They're jealous of the Aquato's fame and think that they deserve more recognition which in and of itself isn't a bad thing per se - wanting to feel appreciated and recognized and seen is just a basic human desire, I think. But jealousy isnt a mental illness. Jealousy is a natural human emotion that we, as rational and empathetic people, must make the conscious choice to deal with in healthy ways. The Galochios don't, and they let that consume them from the start - where they allow themselves to hate the Aquatos for their fame, where they allow themselves to ostracize Marona, where they drive her out of the family and where they attempt to drag her back, it's not the product of mental illness destroying relationships like someone in Edgar's position might experience, but pure pride and jealousy directed towards the Aquato family.

And like from there its just all downhill

And I could argue that from this point things compound to create a mental landscape that maybe isnt the picture of health in the Galochios, because grief can really, really fuck you up, and regardless of how they acted, losing a daughter or a sister when Marona died, could not have been easy.

But I cannot read "the Galochios crowded around the tank to gleefully watch Lazarus's decapitation" and be like "aw they're just hurting 8(" because mental illness is not synonymous with undue cruelty.

Like the Galochios at every turn are presented with A Choice and by god they're determined to make the wrong one. Whether or not this is motivated by grief or jealousy or whatever doesnt matter, because even when you are mentally ill it is still the bare minimum to not gleefully watch someone you dont like get decapitated, u know?

That is, I think, them consumed by jealousy and hate and seeing nothing wrong with it because it benefits them and hurts people they dont like. Thats. that's not mental illness that's just being an asshole

So while I absoLUTEly vibe with Psychonaut's theme of empathy and compassion and understanding that mental illness isnt bad or scary, and that we're all struggling with something, I think that narrative has two sides to it, and the same way that "we're all struggling with something" lends to the idea that we need to extend compassion to others, the Galochios being so stubbornly cruel as to be irredeemable in the narrative of psychonauts two lends to the equally important theme of "but you can not sacrifice yourself for people who do not WANT help"

Because of the nature of the things the Galochios have done (and perhaps, are still doing, as we move into the secrets behind the RoR and Psy2 narrative) I think that it would take a LOT. A LOT. for the writing to pass off a Galochio redemption in a meaningful and complete way, because of the nature of the choices they make. From what I know about them right now, these are not the actions of people who are... hallucinating grandeur or some greater purpose who believe in some hidden agenda like Boyd. From what I can gather and what we already know about the Galochio backstory, this is just the kind of people they are. 

 Now, taking into account Zalto specifically, I can without a doubt see him having some major psychological damage. Like I said earlier, grief can really, really fuck you up, and Zalto experienced more grief than reasonable, all at once, with the tank accident. He was already not the most stable person. ("But Daisy!" I hear you cry, "Augustus lost his entire family in a year and didn't snap like that!" True but look me in the eye and tell me you think he's coped with it in a healthy manner. Augustus experienced unreasonable amounts of grief and as a result his ten year old thinks he wants him dead.)

So if that turns out to be the case, and we see a level where we actually do deal with that grief in a healthy way (which imo would be very interesting to see the trauma of grief treated the same as mental illness - even though we all experience grief at some point, sooooome of us dont quite take it as well as others, whoops!) we could see the baseline path to a Zalto redemption.

But really it all boils down to responsibility for their actions and how they handle their trauma and the fact that eight Aquatos were murdered does not automatically become sympathetic because Zalto was dealing with grief. I personally, would be really interested to see the Galochios as villains end the game as villains and for that stubbornness and unwillingness to accept empathy or help be shown as their downfall, because irl its incredibly unhealthy and self-destructive to refuse help or refuse to SEEK help when you very clearly know that something is hurting you, and that you are in turn hurting others.

I also REALLY don't want them to be given the Oleander treatment.

As much as I love Oleander, I feel like a lot about his character was mismanaged, and he was turned into comedic relief in RoR.

like. A lot of my thoughts on the psy2 narrative as a whole relies heavily on the li-po document of course but the story that we were given IN psy1 vs the story that we are told in the document are so STARKLY different.

"Oleander wants to take over the world because he's angry at tall people from that time from that time his dad killed his bunny, which traumatized him" is NOT the same as "Oleander spent his formative years FIRMLY BELIEVING that his father saw him as a burden because he was small, thought he was nothing better than pig slop, and witnessed the death of an animal that he had a psychic connection to, after which he spent his entire life attempting to make his father proud only to be rejected by every branch of the military. By the time he was finally a Psychonaut and felt he would be able to make his father proud despite his stature, both of his parents died horribly in a meat grinder accident while he was away training." 

 NOT THE SAME HOLY SHIT.

Oleander had so much POTENTIAL but he was kinda shoehorned into a very two-dimensional role. Idk if it was because of budget or time or what, because the production of psy1 was very..... not great. But its absolutely a SHAME to see such a heartbreaking backstory reduced to "short and angry about it"

And it absolutely cheapens his redemption, too.

The fact that Oleander's story was so heavily pruned COMBINED with the fact that - while it's hinted at in game, its honestly INSANELY difficult to put two and two together imo because of how its presented, Ford outright tells us that Oleander's assignment to whispering Rock was the cause of his mental break (the camp sits on a motherload of psitanium. It makes psychics more psychics, and unstable people more unstable.")

that's never once brought into the resolution of Oleander's character arch and the processing of his trauma and how the psychonauts directly contributed to his deteriorating mental state that led him to try and take over the world because they so deeply misunderstand psitanium but decided to build a kids summer camp training facility on top of it

thats like... early experimentation with nuclear materials before we understood the dangers of radiation. Not to stay topical or anything, but its a clearly dangerous substance that the Psychonauts treat very blase.

But to get back on track there, I really hope that if the Galochios DO receive a redemption arc in psy2, which seems likely given the overarching theme of the games themselves even extending to Loboto of all people... I hope they don't butcher it like they did with Oleander's. Given that they've had five years and a LOT more experience with this genre and its storytelling conventions (plus the fact that they're just excellent storytellers to begin with) I have a cautious optimism that whatever happens with the Galochios it will at least be a satisfying conclusion. (For comparison, Oleander's butchered redemption is still kinda held together by the satisfying conclusion of the game, in which Raz actually becomes a Psychonaut so that isnt to say that psy1 didnt have a satisfying conclusion) 

and at this point im sure you're regretting telling me to talk as much as i want because if there's one thing you ought to know about me by now its that i never shut up about the Galochios and honestly I've had a lot of thoughts about them and the themes of Psychonauts and the general structure of storytelling in the Psychonauts games overall.

As for the Galochio family themselves, I'm fascinated to see exactly who survived and what the power structure of the remaining Galochios is. If Zalto makes the final cut, I want VERY badly to know how he treats his family and if his anger has kinda pervaded what was probably a long time ago a relatively tight knit family. I want to see the individuals involved in this, how far they're each willing to go and where that lies in relation to Zalto. Like everyone has their moral limits, and if Zalto is utterly consumed by his goal to either obliterate the Aquatos or resurrect his family (shudder) his tolerance for atrocities may be much higher than that of his family members, which would automatically sow dissonance within the family when one by one people start deciding this is too much, this is too far, we cant keep doing this.

[pomegranates-and-blood]

🎵everything’s coming up ivar🎆🎇 what a morning of fortunate revelations for him! i know i must say this after like every chapter, but you have truly done such an exceptional job building up these characters and this relationship. there were so many neat little tie ins to other things i noticed in the story! and every other line, i was just struck by how well theyd come to know each other. i remember after the first time he broke a bone (and smth similar in ch36??), she thought something to the extent of “if i try to push him on this, ill just hurt him. if i don’t, then he’ll just accept this situation as immutable, so im at a loss.” but she absolutely could not miss in this chapter. after all this time together, she knew exactly what to say—and he finally felt like he could completely sincerely trust her! “Of course you wouldn’t leave, he knows you wouldn’t leave him” 😣🥺😭 he’s got a new certainty!! also cracked me up to read half the lines and think “you’re gonna give him a heart attack!!!” only to move to the ivar pov to find that he was in fact having a heart attack. i Love that for them💕 sub ivar is like inspired choice #17266 for this fic but damn!! does it go hard you do just an excellent job!

it’s been such a convincing and satisfying journey for them. theyre really doing it!! i feel like my child has learned to ride a bike. you have been cranking out bangers only since the hiatus so thank you very very much for another fantastic chapter!!!❤️(bit of a tangent but i briefly looked up some baseline historical symbolism for lavender bc i was so struck by freydis and the mint smell and i wanted to get ahead of the game and like the first meaning that comes up is silence lmao—somehow i don’t think that’s it so ill have to keep looking!)

OMFG ILY  ❤️

I’m so happy you liked the newest update! That morning was A Lot™ for Ivar lol, all positives but still, his mind tapped out halfway through Gǫfga and none of us can blame him, poor guy was a tad overwhelmed lol. And yeah, her not really knowing if she should push or not is a thing that happens a lot (that will happen a lot more in a certain AU lol) because there really is no way to navigate around that until there’s the established trust and vulnerability that they have by now.

I’m so glad the fact that he now holds on to the certainty of her promising to stay by his side was noticeable!

Omfg yeah, the inside of Ivar’s head anytime she started talking was probably just a loop of a very loud alarm going off lol

I’m so happy you like sub!Ivar, it is a blast to write him actually surrendering to his lover like that. I cannot see him any other way to be honest, especially with my priestess. She’s been thinking about making him hers for a long time: “Even after he has imprisoned you, it would be a lie if you said you didn’t wonder what it would take to have the Viking underneath you, or the different ways you could make his proud façade crumble."

Thank you so so much for your kind words, they mean so much!! I am so happy you have been liking this so far, and that you enjoyed the latest updates. Thank you so much, you wonderful person!

I answer your intrigue about Lavender under the cut by the way, if you’re interested. It is not as interesting as with Mint and Freydis I’m afraid, but if you were curious as to why Ivar lingers on it, and why specifically Lavender, under the cut is the (very rambly, but that’s expected of me by now lol) answer 😉

As for the lavender, I commend your resolve to get ahead of any plot twists, but surprisingly this isn’t one. Lavender is actually the scent she uses in her baths, and thus her skin smells slightly of lavender. In a deleted scene of one of Ivar’s PoV’s it goes into how he has started to relate this slight lavender scent with her so much that walking into their room already makes him feel like she’s there even if she isn’t; and in his newest PoV he just lingers on it because it’s just one more way she clouds his senses.

As for why lavender? Ah, that’s where my irrational need to research everything comes into play. Lavender is a flower that symbolizes Persephone first of all, and it was (according to some of the sources I handled) one of the flowers used in the temples in Ancient Greece, so for the Priestess it has a strong meaning regarding her faith (and her retracing Persephone’s myth in the Goddess’ role, but she doesn’t know that lol). Also, Lavender was fairly common, and it has a lot of medicinal uses, including relaxation and the such, but most importantly for this story, it is one of the many herbs used to heal burn wounds. Lavender was one of the flowers used on the Reader (and that once she was better she used on herself) after the Eleusis thing, and either consciously or not she uses it still, it is a source of comfort in a way.

Cause here’s a thing/headcanon of the Reader/Priestess that really means nothing but I always snuck into my work: she is a healer first and foremost (is the one thing across all AUs and all the places she has been that remains consistent, from the Roads to Greece to Kattegat and beyond, in Nostalgia, and Hope and Alatheia and all others), and her insistence on keeping plants close to her is mostly because she wants life to be around her in a land like Kattegat, yes, but it is also because she trusts/relies on the herbs and what she can do with them. Her own sword and shield, her own way of fighting, like Sieghild told her in the flashback of Ch 33.

At the beginning of her time in Kattegat, stretched to her marriage to Ivar even, she mostly just kept plants like Lavender, Poppy, Summer savory, Field scabious and the such, which are all used medicinally to treat burns and as antibiotics. She is more scarred by what the Byzantines did to her in ELeusis than she would like to admit, or that she ever would in her PoV, that’s why I like sneaking in comments by Ivar and Freydis in their PoVs about how she flinches when someone breathes too much life to a fire, or how when she feels unsafe (even when she is freezing her ass off, bc she is not used to Scandinavia’s cold) she sits far away from any fire. Keeping plants like this is her way of irrationaly wanting to keep herself safe if they ever do the same thing to her again, even if it is incredibly unlikely. Slowly, she starts to be able to let go of that, and really all that remains by now (~Ch 42) of those plants is the Lavender.

When she marries Ivar (and more importantly when she starts truly caring about him) she starts keeping plants like Comfrey, Chickweed, Buckeye, which are used for broken bones or for rheumatic/arthritic pain, or for pain general, like Willow or Elderberry. Freydis makes a point of it in “Until spring comes.”, of how she has been relentless on keeping both the common/accesible ones like Comfrey and Willow around, but has also secured plants from the East, like Ganglong (which was traditionally used for bone fractures). Again, the plants and her ability to heal is her own way of fighting, her own way of keeping the people she loves safe and protected, limited as it may be. Which, around Ch 31 she uses (in a different way) to try to keep the man she loves safe, which is by making the wreath of flowers and praying to her Gods.

And once she really starts settling into her life in Kattegat, even if she doesn’t realize it, she no longer keeps plants only for the use they may have, and brings things like that Marsh Violet (that as far as my limited reseach told me has no real medicinal uses). Her own way of making the world around her a little more hers is by putting plants around her and caring for them (she did this in the Roads a lot too), and with time the stubborn little shit accepts letting this world make her a little theirs too by caring for plants like that one.

You are on point that I use plants and symbols a lot, most of them you know about by know. Ivar/Hades and snakes, Melinöe/Freydis (especially once the revelations of Ch33-34 happen, which is when the Minthe parallel comes to an end and she embraces the role of Melinöe in the Priestess’ eyes now that the lies are discovered) and howling dogs, Hermes/Galla and hawks/falcons. I used Snowdrops a few times I think, towards the beginning, which was a little nod to Freyja’s myth and the Priestess’ threading the line of it, because I like the parallels between some of Freyja and Persephone/Hecate (which by some sources could sometimes be intertwined, or one and the same, much like Melinöe and Persephone).

Anyhow, sorry for the long-ass answer, I hope it doesn’t dissapoint. I really cannot put into words how happy it makes me that you’d care enough about this story to search the meaning of lavender, thank you so much for your support, and for the undeserved love you keep showering me and Nostalgia with! Thank you so much sweetheart!

Sending you my love!! ❤️

[missmentelle]

This might sound very silly but I just don't know how to be more proactive. I've been very passive all this years until this point where I feel like I can't anymore. I wish I could be more hardworking for the things I want but I get all overwhelmed and don't even know how other people have the energy or the motivation. People think Im just lazy. I don't have almost any skills let alone any that I can monetize, I feel like Im going to be a looser forever.

I think this is a problem that a lot of people - especially younger people - are struggling with right now. We want to achieve great things, and we feel like we should be achieving great things, but many of us are so paralyzed by doubt/anxiety/apathy/uncertainty that we have a hard time mustering up the motivation to run basic errands, let alone chase our dreams. I’ve certainly spent more than my fair share of time beating myself up for the countless days that I’ve fucked around on Reddit all day instead of actually achieving anything, even when I was fully aware that I was sabotaging my own dreams and goals by doing so. I just couldn’t always muster up the ability to care about the things I needed to be doing, even if there were dire consequences for not doing them. The good news is, there are definitely ways to overcome this issue, and reach a point where you are happier with your progress and your life. To get started, I recommend:

Decide what it is you actually want. Telling yourself to “be more proactive”, “work harder” or “have a better life” is not helpful if you don’t actually have specific goals that you’re working towards. It is very, very easy to find ways to be “busy” for 8 hours per day - but being busy doesn’t necessarily mean progress. Take some time, and think about some rough goals that you’d like to actually work towards. Don’t worry about how much work or effort it would be to achieve those goals, just start thinking about what you want in life, and what’s the most important to you. Think about the kind of life that you would like to have someday, and start figuring out the steps you need to take in order to get yourself from your current life to the life that you envision. It’s okay if those things are very far apart - the point is not for you to get overwhelmed, but for you to have something to be proactive about. 

Start slowly. You cannot go from “spending 8 hours per day mindlessly browsing the internet amidst a pile of old take-out containers” to “running 5 miles every morning before making art for 8 hours in a spotless apartment with a fridge full of vegetables” overnight. Trying to change your routine too drastically and too quickly will lead to you burning out in a couple of days and going right back to your old ways, with an added dose of self-hatred because you tried and failed. Trying to be more productive and more functional is a process, and a long one at that. It’s not at all unusual or abnormal to take several years of work before you get your life to where you want it to be. Start slow. Start with incredibly tiny changes, and slowly build up those changes over time. If you currently live on a diet of fast food and candy, and you want to be a shredded, clean-eating fitness guru, you can’t rush into that all at once. Start by swapping out full-sugar pop for diet pop for the first month, and trying to drink more water. That’s it. Don’t make any other changes. Then the second month, switch out diet pop for flavored water. And so on. Change only sticks when it’s gradual. 

Focus on one thing at a time. Again, trying to do too much, too soon is a recipe for fast burnout and self-hatred. Start by trying to change one area of your life, and one area of your life alone. Once you feel like you have a pretty solid handle on that part of your life and you have established some new habits, then you can add on a second area of focus. Spend some time, and really think about which area of your life is the most important for you to change, and which area of focus will improve your life the most. If it helps, envision your problems as rocks that you are carrying around in a backpack with you at all times. What’s the heaviest rock in your backpack? If you are overweight, unhappily single, making no progress building your YouTube channel and failing out of college, then your college grades are probably the thing causing you the most stress in your life, and they’re your most urgent concern - focus on that, and give yourself permission to let the rest of it sit on the back burner until you have boosted your GPA. Only then will you be ready to start changing something else. 

Go easy on yourself. I think one of the pitfalls that many young people face these days is that they absolutely crush themselves with unrealistic expectations of what they “should” be doing with their lives; it’s hard to get up the motivation to do anything when you’ve convinced yourself that the bare minimum for success is an impossible ideal. I have friends with master’s degrees who still consider themselves failures that haven’t done anything in life. Remember that you are not a machine. Even at your most successful and high-functional, you will not be perfect and productive 100% of the time. You will still have lazy days where you don’t get much done. You will still occasionally order takeout instead of making a home-cooked meal. You will still occasionally procrastinate. Don’t set yourself up for failure by comparing yourself to an unattainable ideal - just aim to be a slightly better version of what you are right now. 

Get used to tracking, even without making changes. It’s hard to set goals for improvement if you don’t have a solid idea of what you’re actually doing right now. Telling yourself things like “stop being so lazy and do more things” is setting yourself up for a spiral of self-loathing if you don’t actually track what you’re doing, because you won’t be able to see the small, gradual progress that you’re making. Being able to actually see yourself taking baby steps toward your goal is important for keeping you motivated, and keeping you from beating yourself up. Don’t track absolutely everything in your life - that becomes obsessive after a while - but keep an eye on some of the major things that you might want to change in the future. Install apps on your phone and laptop that track how much time you spend doing what. Set up the step tracker on your phone. If you want to eat better in the future, start tracking roughly what you eat now. I’m a pretty avid bullet journaler, I track a lot of my daily habits. Keeping track of the things you do, even if you’re not proud of them, and even before you start to work on them, gives you a baseline to work with, so you can establish how bad the problem is and see when you’re heading in the right direction. 

Forget the obsession with monetizing. A lot of us have gotten this idea in our heads that we need to find ways to monetize everything that we’re even remotely good at, or doing that thing is somehow a waste of our time. I don’t want to generalize about millennials and gen z too much, but I do feel like our generation was raised on the belief that “doing what you love” is the most important thing in life; I personally have many friends that are obsessed with monetizing, to the point that they no longer do anything unless they can find some way to funnel it into advancing their blogger/influencer/creator career. I think this is a mistake. When you monetize something that you love doing, you turn it from a hobby into a job, with all the stress that comes with that, and I think it’s important for everyone to have at least one thing in their life that they do just for the joy of it. It’s okay to let work be work, and play just be play. And I say this as a person who has monetized one of my hobbies; I love true crime and forensic psychology, and I co-host a true crime podcast that has recently had a huge surge of popularity and is on the cusp of being monetized. I could write an entire post about the mental health side of being a creator with a public online presence, but in a nutshell, turning my podcast from a hobby into a business has required me to take it a lot more seriously, and it now falls more into the category of “work” than it does “fun”. My enjoyment of life requires that some of my other hobbies - like playing music - just stay un-monetized hobbies. Let yourself create and do things that don’t have economic value. 

Don’t compare yourself to what you see on social media. I have had both personal friends and followers on this blog tell me that they feel bad about themselves because their life doesn’t measure up to what they see on Instagram, or because they feel that their own lives would not be worthy of posting online. This is a toxic mindset to get into. The things you see on social media are not reality, no matter how much they appear to be - people put incredible amounts of effort into carefully cultivating an online persona that makes them look more productive and accomplished than they actually are. I have a brother who who is a somewhat successful Instagram “influencer”, alongside his more successful girlfriend, and I could write an entire post about the lengths they go to to fake having perfect lives on Instagram, and the toll that their Insta careers are having on their mental health. If you are looking to be a more productive version of yourself, it’s best to steer clear of “motivation” from people who are paid to pretend to be successful online. 

Set measurable, achievable goals. Goals like “be healthier” and “do more stuff” won’t get you anywhere - they are so vague that it’s not possible to tell when you’ve actually achieved them, or how much progress you’ve made. If you want to be more productive and feel like you’re getting more done, you need to set goals that can actually be worked towards and checked off when they are done. Instead of “go to the gym more”, aim for “go to the gym 5 days per week” as your end goal, and start with a solid couple of months with “go to the gym at least once per week”, and slowly increase from there. If you’re aiming for something big like “have an awesome job”, break that down into medium-sized goals like “finish an undergrad degree”, and then break that goal down even further into “hand in all my assignments on time this semester”, and break that down further into “write the first 10 pages of my paper by the end of the week”. Set tiny goals for yourself that you can easily achieve, and that will gradually accumulate into big accomplishments. 

Remember that slow progress is better than no progress. If you write one sentence per day, it is going to take you a really long time to write a novel. It will take you a whole lot less time, however, than if you get overwhelmed at the thought of writing a novel and never write at all. Sometimes you need to break goals down into steps so small that they also seem not worth doing. It can feel a little silly to congratulate yourself for things like “brushed my teeth today” and “texted someone back today”, but those are little habits that add up into bigger things, and giving yourself that positive reinforcement is important. “Greatness” and “success” are not things you achieve all at once, they are made up of tiny habits that you’ve been working on for months or years at a time. 

Take care of your mental health. Not feeling the motivation to do anything, even things that you enjoy, can be a symptom of depression. Everyone beats themselves up from time to time for not being more productive, but if your brain is constantly on a feedback loop of “I’m human garbage and I’m wasting my life”, that’s a pretty serious problem, and a solid sign that it’s time to seek out some professional help. Trying to make major life improvements without addressing underlying mental health concerns is kind of like trying to drive a car without wheels - you’re just not going to get anywhere until you’ve dealt with the obvious problem. 

Remember that setbacks are okay. Even the most highly proactive and high-functioning people have days where they say “fuck it” and order takeout to eat in front of the TV. Everyone occasionally misses deadlines or leaves things to the last minute when they shouldn’t. Everyone shows up late occasionally. These things happen - we are humans, and none of us are perfect. The key to long-term proactivity and productivity, though, is not to let those small setbacks define you, and not to throw away all the progress you’ve made over a bad day or a bad week. Eating healthy six days per week will put you in a much better position than deciding “fuck it, I blew it” after one bad meal and returning to eating unhealthy meals 7 days per week. As the saying goes, don’t let perfect be the enemy of good - in other words, perfection is not attainable, and getting hung up on being perfect will prevent you from achieving many things that are good. The idea is not to be perfect; it’s just to keep striving to be a slightly better version of yourself. 

Best of luck to you!

[zanesgirlfriend]

Nervous Nerf | Jeff Wittek

Description: Jeff and the reader take a polygraph exam / lie detector test, and a lot of questions revolve around Jeff's dog.

Requested?: Yes by @sleepyloo : mhmmm maybe a fluffy imagine where jeff and the reader take the lie detector test?

A/N: I'm sorry this is short theres really annoying chickens that wont shut up really close to my window and im struggling to concentrate sorry

omf also the dog in that gif looks like Nerf????

Special thanks to @jeffsbarbershop for helping me come up with the lie detector questions bc my mind was blank af i swear im gonna punch a chicken in the face

_____

"Do you love Nerf?" Jeff asked his girlfriend. She was very nervous to be doing a polygraph exam, even though she had nothing to hide.

"Yes." She looked down at the moniters that were hooked up to her. There was a pause before John, the polygraph examiner, answered.

"That's true." He said flatly. She smiled up at her boyfriend with an I told you so kind of face.

"Do you love Nerf more than me?" Jeff looked in her eyes as he read this one. She felt really nervous. "You better be careful with this one, y/n." She loved dogs a lot, but did she love Jeff's dog more than Jeff?

"No." She tried to convince herself. The pause was even more tense as she waited to hear if she was lying.

"There's a problem with this one." John sounded emotionless once again, not caring about the stupid questions they asked eachother. Jeff flipped out, a little extra for the camera.

"So you do?" Jeff raised his voice in a comedic way.

"Oh my God, next question." She playfully rolled her eyes.

"Are you only with me because of Nerf?" Jeff teased her and smiled as she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Yes." She lied, knowing it would piss him off. She just hoped John didn't say it was true.

"That's a lie." John said.

"Oh, thank God." Jeff let out an exaggerated sigh of relief in response. "We woulda had a real problem there if that was true."

"Next question, please." She had a new found confidence after the last question.

"Am I the hottest person in the Vlog Squad?" Jeff asked. Y/n started to realize that all of these questions were jokes and smiled.

"Yes." She rolled her eyes and took the pause to admire his wide, muscular shoulders and his perfect face.

"That's true." John stated.

"Okay, one more question, and then it's my turn." Jeff was anxious to ask this one, and genuinely wanted to know the answer. "Does my accent turn you on?" He winked at the end of his question to add to the mood of it. Y/n felt her heart beat, as she didn't wanna admit that on camera.

"No." She knew she lied. She closed her eyes as she waited to hear the results from John.

"Big problem, took her breath away. That's the biggest lie sign." The results made Jeff very happy.

"Aye, how you gonna lie during a lie detector test, huh?" His accent was thick as he teased her.

"Shut up. It's your turn." She was embarrassed, and was short towards her boyfriend while all of the polygraph equipment was taken off of her and put onto Jeff.

"Ooh, I'm kinda nervous. Now I get what you were talkin' about." Jeff's leg bounced up and down while he waited for the questions to start.

"I'm gonna need you to stay as still as possible." John looked at Jeff, and Jeff immediately stopped moving. "Now I'm going to ask you a few baseline questions like we did with her." John continued and asked a few questions to get a feel for how Jeff responds. Then it was time for y/n to go to town.

"Okay, first question. Can you cut hair into more than one style?" She giggled as she read the question from her phone screen.

"Yes." Jeff sounded serious as he answered.

"That's true." John said.

"Wow, I didn't expect that!" She really was kind of surprised.

"Hey, don't be rude." Jeff joked as he prepared for the next question.

"Are you happy in our relationship?" She asked this question, very intrigued to hear the answer.

"Yes." Jeff's dimples appeared as he smiled at her.

"True." John's voice was emotionless, but his response left y/n brimming with emotion.

"Aww!" She leaned over from her chair to Jeff and pecked him on the lips. "Okay, do you love Nerf more than me?" She asked him the same question he'd asked her. She truly hoped, though, that he did love Nerf more than her. He's had that dog for longer than he's even known y/n, so he should probably love him more, right?

"No, I love you more." Jeff was once again stern, and y/n was shocked by his answer. She fully expected him to say 'yes' to the question.

"You better be lying for the video, that dog deserves the world." She squeezed in before John could say anything.

"He's telling the truth."