#but now i'm hooked on it help
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People, please if anybody wants to talk about Skeleton Crew with me, please go for it. I don't bite and I really wanna talk about that show.
It's my newest fixation, and I love it.
#skeleton crew#jod na nawood#jude law#star wars#yes i did get into that show BECAUSE of jude law#but now i'm hooked on it help
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Actually I think we should talk about how incredibly fucked up it is for sapphic women to say shit like "I'm no better than a straight man 😔" when attracted to a woman in a way that isn't 100% pure and wholesome, or act like men's attraction to women is inherently dirty, predatory, or objectifying.
#like i mostly get impacted from this as a straight trans man#and the way people- even my friends- have acted like my attraction to women is now morally worse since i came out as trans#but this also affects like. bi/mspec men? it's shitty to shame them for their attraction to women!#and even cishet men. acting like objectification or predatory behavior is just inherent to male attraction to women#let's shitty men off the hook because 'they can't help it' or whatever#or victim blames anyone abused by a cishet man because 'what did you expect from being in a relationship with him'#yeah so like. sapphics stop saying this challenge#transhet#anti-transmasculinity#again i'm tagging because that's my personal experience with that sentiment but it has a ton of other issues too#antimasculism
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I'm still thinking about how ashamed I was (and am) with being open about my pain because I am so young. It's so hard to feel worthy of having your pain taken seriously when the people around you insist that young bodies are always in pristine, untouched condition and that you must earn your pain through aging. Never is it considered that young people aren't lying or being a hypochondriac for expressing their pain.
Young people can be in life-altering pain. Young people can have debilitating pain. It doesn't matter what age it happens because pain doesn't discriminate. Complaining about pain and doing things to prevent needless pain aren't something you have to "earn" through aging.
If you want young people to be in less or lesser pain, then encourage them to do whatever they can to minimize it. Don't downplay what they're experiencing. Not everything is a lie, not every experience that is different than yours is exaggeration or deceit.
#disability#ableism#ableism tw#this is one of the big reasons i was ashamed of admitting when i am in pain#and it's one of the reasons i was ashamed to address the pain i have#and i'm angry about that actually! nobody should fear being labeled as essentially having munchausen syndrome because...#...'young people NEVER have pain or disabilities and you're a liar!'#i really do want to start addressing my pain because i know it's not normal but holy shit batman it can suck sometimes#i honestly like talking to my dad about this because he also has a lot of pain (moreso than i do now) but he actually TRIES to listen...#putting this in the disability tag but i still don't feel right about labeling my own pain as such...#...but i know so many people with disabling pain who would relate...#...maybe it's internalized ableism on my part or maybe i just want to be respectful of people with worse pain#this is me really just reflecting on m the fact that i haven't ever had an amazing body in a lot of ways (though i am lucky still)#i'm still thinking about having an emergency cane to help me get up when my pain is bad but idk if it's worth the investment#so if anybody reading this has suggestions (esp. for those with back pain)... please hook me up i will platonically love you forever
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Sam: "Look at me. Hey- look at me a second. I know. I know you're tough. I know how strong you are. You have every right to be proud of that. But being able to handle somethin' doesn't mean you should have to. Least of all when I'm right here trying to help. Please let me help. If not for you then for me, because I don't like knowin' you're hurtin', especially when there's somethin' I can do about it."
Me, shaking my head, fighting back literal tears: "B-but it's gonna give you another headache!"
#redacted sam#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted fandom#[Sam's name doubles as a link to the specific lines i quoted btw. just for full credit/transparency & for anyone who wants to (re)listen]#Sam's deep-seated need to heal vs my inability to accept help would be a battle for the ages. unstoppable force vs immovable object#wait Sam already mentioned the force vs object thing to David during the inversion didn't he lmao 'they call /me/ Immovable Object'#he does suit Immovable a little more than Unstoppable i guess. i mean he can def be both imo but ykwim. anyways i digress#listen. i'm not a Marriage kinda guy. but good god the way some of Sam's lines make me wanna take a fucking knee and propose#i'm love him ur honor. he is comfort incarnate#can't believe i waited so long to listen to the Valentines Vampire Attack audio. it's got so much of that sweet sweet hurt/comfort#very reminiscent of their 2nd audio given all the healing he does for them & the consent checks before moving clothing and whatnot#which makes it a top favorite for me bc that's probably my most replayed Sam audio. and the one that initially hooked me#i didn't put off listening to it bc i thought i Wouldn't like it btw i just procrastinate everything for no real reason#listening to it now tho actually worked out well bc i could uh. definitely use it. so maybe i was subconsciously saving it for hard times#this post isn't a joke btw it really does hurt to hear him put himself in pain for the sake of healing Darlin' :(((#anD PAINKILLERS DON'T EVEN WORK ON HIM!!! ough man i would struggle so hard to accept his healing if i were in Darlin's shoes#like yeah there's other reasons i'd struggle to accept it too but him being in pain as a result would be one of 'em. the Guilt bro i can't#rp audio stuff#Seven.txt#(Seven blorbo-posting at 2am when they should either be doing something productive or sleeping?? more likely than you might think)
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sometimes self compassion is the opposite of letting yourself off easy. sometimes self compassion means holding yourself to account and demanding you do better which is so much more work than just punishing yourself. making yourself feel bad so that you feel better is a lot easier than putting the work in to actually repair harm and be less shit. it doesn't feel like that when you're down in the self punishment instinct hole and your brain is telling you that you don't deserve not to be hurt but. it's true.
#i think i got a good grade in therapy this week but boy it fucking sucked#and will probably continue to be really hard for a long time#sure is a bitch when you accept that just suffering for a while won't let you off the hook or fix anything#who does self-punishment help? fucking nobody#doesn't help the person you let down in the first place AND doesn't help you#like good now you've just hurt two people! congrats! what did that solve? fuck all!#nope sometimes compassion is going hey. you can do better and i'm gonna hold you to that. now get up.#sigh. therapy mouse working overtime again#it was kinda meaningful to talk through some things (esp the punishment thing) with my therapist#and be like. look. being compassionate towards myself doesn't mean pretending i'm not at fault#i can be compassionate and accept responsibility for my actions#sometimes i think therapists are afraid of letting us hold ourselves to account esp if you have a history of guilt complexes#so they keep telling you it's not your fault even when it is#had a useful chat with my mentor about reparative justice frameworks too#i think maybe killing the youth leader in my brain is not about letting myself off the hook for 'sins'#it's about recognising that punishment is a shitty way to respond to harm#and trying to build a more productive way forward on all sides#it's not about not being held to account. it's not about everything being allowed#it's about not compounding harm with more harm#weasel management
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-looking into the 39 Clues series via tvtropes and general browser searching-
it's beginning to look like LOST MEDIAAAAAAAA
#chris rambles#the 39 clues#i don't know if there's a fandom for it out here on this hellsite#apparently according to tvtropes you had a whole ARCHIVE of fics awarded with Madrigals if they were bangers#i still have my first series books. i still have the cards (i THINK and i HOPE because i can't believe i remembered their existence)#(and how some of their visual design could actually help out with my UNIVERSITY HONOURS DEGREE.)#(i remember getting hooked onto the series by my childhood bestie when i was 6 years old. i'm 23 right now. anyhow)#if anybody has like somehow. a whole image archive of Every Card Of These Books. I'd be grateful thank you
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What were your first impressions w utena when u first watched, if u dont mind me asking?
i have the worst memory in the world so i unfortunately don't recall much of it. i remember feeling like my life had been changed when i finished it and i immediately went for a rewatch less than a week later. i also remember utena was always my favorite character (with nanami and anthy close behind) and that hasn't ever changed. i don't remember if i was immediately invested from the first episode, but i think i was. i had been interested since it was first recommended to me when i was like 16, and despite only getting around to it about 4 years later, i had seen so many people praise it (along with comparisons to other media i loved, mainly the mabel podcast) that i was excited for it long before i started watching it.
#i always feel awkward liveblogging stuff i'm watching for the first time but i kind of wish i had done it with rgu on my old blog#would have probably made the experience more memorable even if it all would have been gone now#i also binged the entire show in probably less than 2 weeks because i was so hooked which didn't help#and i've rewatched the show so many times that i can't distinguish what was my original reactions/thoughts from what came later anymore#asks#m
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...wondering how dramatic it would be to buy a mini fridge and stick it in my room because my brother refuses to understand that sometimes I purchase food and drinks that are specifically meant for me, and when I write my name on them that means that they are in fact, not for him
#it's a silly little thing but i have a very particular need to plan things#even things like meals#i like knowing exactly what i'm eating - and even what i'm drinking with it - and when#even little snacks#so when i buy food and drink it's a very specific amount and i have a very specific idea of when i'm going to eat/drink it#so when my brother takes any (or all) of it it throws me off#especially because i don't have a car so i can't just drive to the store and buy new stuff#i either order everything at once to justify delivery#or i go when my parents do and buy stuff then#stuff he takes is not conveniently replaceable for me#i miss my housemates man#if we didn't buy something we knew it wasn't for us#my brother just has no consideration for people#not just when it comes to things like food just in general#if he wants something he takes it and if anyone else wanted it they should have been faster#though the family attitude of 'if it's in the common area then it's for everyone regardless of what you want'#is helping me understand why i'm so feral about people touching my things without permission now#the food thing is just a symptom of a larger problem that will never be resolved#because i am the only one in this house who considers it a problem#it's a lot of little things that are building up and driving me crazy#hi there these tags are brought to you by someone who is writing her problems down so she doesn't go postal irl#i'm venting to keep calm#and i am calmer now so that's good#feathers speaks#i might buy the mini fridge#it's only a couple hundred dollars and it can sit on my filing cabinet and i can just turn it on/off as needed#plus with christmas coming up i don't think it'd hurt to have more fridge space#my only real concern is how many appliances/electronics i have hooked up in my room#i'm wondering how much the power point can handle before shorting out
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i hope everyone had a beautiful paddys day btw
#i got very drunk and cried in a bathroom but it was still lovely#i spent a lot of the night talking to the singer of the band that was playing bc he's irish too#and then when they were finished playing i carried their equipment to his car#and i was like well. goodbye! and he was like ??? i thought we were going to hook up ???#and i said no i was just being helpful now i'm going back to my friends#looking back i understand his confusion but at the time i was like. this is a job i'm clocked in i'm professional i'm a roadie
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For all y'all asking for Corset-Wes™... he traded in the corset and upgraded to Brasier-Wes™
#20-something-y/o Wes needed his corset to protect that itty bitty waist#40-something-y/o Wes needs his lacy DD bra to support his big 'ol TIDDIES#no more nip-slips and pasties for him. he needs a set of cups to support his puppies and back the proper way. for a true working woman.#My ❤️ not only bursts into a million pieces at the way that Wes not only goes to Fred to hook the bra clasps together & how Fred helps him.#but also the way Fred tries to adjust his shoulder straps and twisted back strap#Freddy I'm so proud of you showing your mastered skill of clasping a bra on... now if only you can show me how you can take mine off😉#I must say Wes stuffed them cups real good with those towels#Victoria... Wes knows you and all your secrets💋❌⭕❌⭕💋#Wes Borland#Fred Durst#Limp Bizkit#nu-metal#lucy the rabbit's video edits#down the rabbit hole
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literally i'm sherlock holmes bc i was feeling oh so depressed nad in debilitating physical pain and then i started working on my autism interests and it immediately made me feel better.
#myevilposts#like i'm sober now but was it really any surprise i got hooked when i did.#like the last time my carpal was acting up like this i was so far gone into drug addiction it was crazy.#AND it didn't really noticeably help despite being a bunch of pain killers.#my cocktail was crazy and it's amazing i didn't bleed out through my stomach considering all the shit i was mixing#that you are NOT supposed to mix. also almost died of overdose and withdrawal on multiple occasions#but i'm still here aren't i. bitch.#drugs tw#basically i'm a wreck forever but at least now i'm a sober wreck#and i get sherlock holmes and his drug abuse on a personal level.
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brb sobbing over a book written nearly two hundred years ago
#i have like 30 pages of adam bede left and WHAT a ride#was reading it until 4am bc i couldn't sleep and i think reading it in the middle of the night when everything was silent#really helped to hook me#and now my heart is singing bc something i predicted hopefully in the margin of an early chapter is happeninggggg#and it's actually too cute#i would like to formally apologise to george eliot for any slights i may have made against her and any misjudgements#I LOVE HER#she has a way with describing sunlight in the seasons that is simply DIVINE#and adam i would die for you#dinah i would die for you#URGH#and here was me worrying i'd have nothing to say in my seminar next week#my copy is littered with sticky tabs that are colour coded for observations#i just#yeah#i'm so glad to be back at uni#i've missed it so much#personal#lit talks#george eliot#adam bede
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watching heartstopper as an adult is like this is so tonally wild. what is this world where emotions are represented by cartoon animations but also the main character is a cutter with an eating disorder who is relentlessly bullied for being gay. but then again i know that this is unfortunately 100% relevant for the kids/young teens who are the target audience of this show and that made me so sad that i had to sit in a dark room for half an hour after it ended to cope
#lbr the show is giving infomercial sometimes and i feel conflicted about some of that but damn#like these characters aren't always real people as much as they're 'good representation' BUT#i do hope it helps some young teens to see that you can get help with that shit#anyway. i got hooked bc of trixie and katyas reaction what can i say#and now i'm like yeah. imagining a struggling kid seeing that last scene with charlie and then telling someone in their own life#if it does that for someone i think that's really good#also i cried. sorry i'm not immune
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desperately trying to remember if there are any books i read this year that i cannot find on my library borrowing history or simply cannot remember. i am so bad about remembering books. LITERALLY REMEMBERED ONE AS I'M WRITING THIS POST. anyway i am attempting to compile a list of books that i've read this year so that i can reference it without having to forget everything. wish me luck. i have fifteen titles on there right now but i can't shake the feeling there's something i'm forgetting
#checking my shelf of books i got for school??? idk#none of this is helped by the way that i have seven thousand books waiting to be read right now and all of them are on my mind#and several of them i am partway through. but i cannot put bell hooks all about love on my list yet i just can't#opened this is how you lose the time war today. not liking it super much but it's not even 200 pages so we'll pound through it#and then my three books from merc (princess bride and two books from the fight club guy)#and all about love. and interview with the vampire#WITCHER NOVELS!!! I READ WITCHER NOVELS AGAIN!!!! adding two more books to my list#god i'm not even through blood of elves yet. awful. this is why i can't keep anything up i forget my ebooks exist as options#then i should read that book about eleanor roosevelt that my grandma got me. as a token to her dskfjghs#wanna reread the hours! have a physical copy just for that so i can annotate#gotta finish the once and future king.#all that to say that there are many books that will be on this list once i actually sit down and read some of them#have to remind myself that i Am actually doing good i'm at over a book a month rate. this is fine#two books a month rate! actually!#shout out to library due dates for being a fantastic motivator#seventeen books on the 'read' list this year. this is fine bracken. you're doing good#realistically this is SO much better than previous years 😭 good stuff. just gotta keep reading#valentine notes#list that would have been so useful to have when we were doing that book recommendation thing
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mutuals and followers: how do i break it off with a girl i'm not officially dating (but have slept with multiple times and who is definitely interested in dating me) bc i'm not feeling the chemistry and she's way too pushy, but it is extremely likely i will see her in future friendly contexts so i have to sound nice about it
#by way too pushy i mean she will text me every other day to ask me if i want to hang out Immediately Right Now#and then calls me 2 minutes after sending each text#i am slow to reply to texts; i do not make last-minute plans; i hate receiving phone calls; plus i am not even interested in her#how do i say Stop Contacting Me All The Time + I Don't Want To Date Or Fuck You but really politely in a way that won't hurt her feelings#and in a way that won't tell every other lesbian in this town (bc it's a small town) that i'm not *ever* down to hook up. sometimes i am#just not with this girl specifically. who is friends with every lesbian in town#and i don't necessarily want to stop being friends with her i just want to be like. friendly acquaintances#my energy has better places to go than hanging out w her 5 times a week but that's not to say i'd NEVER hang out#i don't have a social script for this!!! normally i have 1-night stands and ghost them!!!!!! wtf!!!!!!!!!#the friend i'd normally ask to help script this is currently unavailable to talk to so i'm fucked :')
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Haven’t seen your slimy face in a while (Patreon)
Bonus original concept sketches from 2018 (left):
Tbh even I find some of these shapes kind of hard to read lol. Really showcases my style progression tho like woah - I was aiming at the time for a kind of shoujo-parody style anyway, but now I struggle with those kinds of shapes! I’m used to a much more cartoony, and darker, and smaller style haha
This was all me tho lol, he’s just a gangly greasy fucker
It’s uncanny right
I had to put in a good bit of interpretation and filling in the details for this one lol - something like a punk vampire aesthetic?? He’s too good for the MC anyway lol, but that’s by design
#Doodles#Original#What do you mean 2018 was five years ago why have these characters existed on a single page for five years#Legit tho these were Such one-off characters that I never drew them again until now and didn't bother giving them a proper name#I called lame weirdo Seiji? <question mark included lol - the punk character didn't even get an outfit! Even a collar of a shirt!#I still remember the general beats of the intro at least which were kinda fun#Seiji? is passive person who goes with the flow to the extent that he kinda just lets people do whatever up to and including relationships#Leading to people hooking up with him looking for something serious and then when they realize he doesn't care they break up with him#And then he still doesn't care and goes on with his hedonistic lifestyle of Doing Whatever lol#He's meant to be Every Unlikeable MC basically haha - inexplicably attractive to others and infuriatingly indifferent#And then he meets up with his genre opposite - a devoted somewhat clingy guy who absolutely idolizes him while being ''unapproachable''#Someone's who's not disillusioned by Seiji?'s lack of reciprocation and just uses it as an in to keep getting closer and closer to him#This is what you get for being a passive care-nothing! This is karma! Lol#That's all I really remember it was basically a sitcom haha Silly slice of life nonsense#It was fun to come back to them after so long at least :) I didn't expect to! I didn't plan to!#I had a page set aside for a new concept (:3c) and started with a couple studies to try and chase the vibe and was reminded of they#The character I was studying off of had some slight similarities I suppose :0 But not like That much haha#Well whatever ♪ He made for a fun warmup and if he helped inspired the next set then I'm all the happier for it! Thanks Seiji?! Lol
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