#but now i need to go to sleep cuz i have a lot to do tomorrow
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The effects of Bill's conditioning on Ford + Other stuff:
One of the main effects is Dissociation. Ford's mind is partially shattered similarly to the way canon Fidds' is,although the difference is that Ford is still functional save for a few dissociative episodes where he ends up breaking something or zoning out midway into conversations while canon Fidds is completely unstable and insane.
This happens because whenever a real memory appears in his mind a memory that he ACTUALLY had instead of the various memories Bill implanted in his head,he ends up subconsciously trying to bury it as he believes that only the memories that Bill made are the ones that are real and thus it results in him dissociating. Another reason why he dissociates instead of his mind completely breaking like canon Fidds',is because Bill's mind fuck powers are different from the memory gun.
His mind warping is a fixated form of reality warping where whenever he manipulates a part of the brain,the changes he made are permanent until the subject is shown the entirety of their real memories before said changes were made. The dissociation is also a way of the subject subconsciously rejecting the mind warping despite the changes being fixed.
This is why Ford was dissociating in the first part of the A Perfect Day in the Perfect World fic. Also he constantly has headaches from the dissociation and also the occasional ringing in his ears (real life ear ringing comes from head injuries :]).
Bill doesn't do anything to fix this,as he knows full well that the cause is the memory erasures as if he fixes it then that would mean letting go of Ford. Another effect is Ford's self esteem getting warped. The fact that all of his "family" and his dear "friend" don't actually seem to care about him due to them being shallow bastards (little does he know that they're literally fake ass copies that were MEANT to be husks),makes him think that only Bill cares about him.
This also makes him think that even despite his ego,he isn't worthy of being loved or taken care of as he concluded that when only his partner is his support system and none of his family nor his friend actually cares about him then he deserves such treatment as he's worthless to everyone except for Bill.
Bill doesn't even feel guilty about this one,as it's a sign of his plan to have his genius all to himself is working. Ford simultaneously thinks that everyone loves him while also thinking that everyone doesn't care about him,the first part is due to his renowned reputation as the most influential CEO in Oregon while the other part is cuz literally no one but Bill loves him. This man is gonna need some therapy by the end of this,and a lot of hugs. Ford has depression now,also he has a hard time sleeping without Bill as he's terrified of being alone. He is horribly terrified of being alone as that would mean dealing with the aching feeling that no one but his dear triangular husband is actually there for him. He has depression and also is slightly unstable because of the fact that he has no one but Bill around,he is secretly depressed over the fact that he only has his husband for company as i mentioned before that he still feels negative emotions no matter how happy the Perfect World makes him. His instability shows from him acting paranoid and antsy whenever Bill isn't around,such as thinking that Fiddleford or Stan will hurt him or feeling like he wants to claw the walls when he's alone without his dear muse. Bill doesn't know this as the genius only acts this way when he's out in the multiverse doing his job as it's guardian,which means that he's entirely unaware of the fact that Ford is actively losing his mind from the isolation he forced on him just to have the man all to himself.
Bill's views on Ford's dwindling sanity changes a lot depending on his mood. Sometimes when he's fulfilling the "dear husband" role and is putting his energy on loving Ford,he gets guilty over indirectly causing the man to be this way but he denies it as he knows that fixing him would also mean letting go of the genius. Other times when he's trying to teach his researcher husband a lesson aka torturing him whenever he's going against him,he fully embraces Ford's suffering and is even proud of it as it's a sign of his plan to have the genius all to himself is working. In conclusion,Perfect World!Bill is just as unpredictable and temperamental as Canon Bill but it's just not as obvious due to him usually being happy go lucky from being SO glad to finally have his genius at his side while he's ruling the universe just like he always wanted.
Ford is secretly scared of Bill but he doesn't know why. Although it's because he subconsciously remembers that the triangle tortures him via mysterious healed wounds and blurry memories of a yellow figure hurting him. He occasionally flinches around Bill whenever the isosceles touches him and feels as though he's walking on eggshells whenever he talks to him,although he tries to ignore it as he's certain that his dear muse loves him and that strange figure wasn't him. Bill is fully aware of this and he didn't completely erase those memories on purpose,so that he could keep his ̶h̶u̶m̶a̶n̶ ̶p̶e̶t̶ husband in line. The only other person besides Bill that notices Ford's change in behavior is Fiddleford,as he is the only copy that has SOME semblance of sentience and real emotions although the amount he has is very low. Fidds occasionally worries for Ford and gets suspicious of how that triangle treats him based on the fact that the man flinches whenever he puts his hand on his shoulder or refuses to talk about his arguments with Bill whenever he asks,but Bill himself makes sure to erase these feelings and thoughts from him immediately to avoid Ford finding out about everything :].
Bill and Ford fuck often cuz marriage,however Bill doesn't get rough on him like he usually does anymore because he knows that hurting the man while he's keeping up the "dear husband" act would make him question things and thus try to leave him. Although he occasionally DOES get rough on him but he makes sure to make Ford forget immediately,during these rare occasions he basically plays with Ford like a human toy and utterly destroys him without any regard for the genius' pleasure at all,he just uses him up like a toy to satisfy himself. Ford doesn't remember those times at all,although he has blurry memories of getting knives stabbed everywhere on his body including his nuts and also getting his head bashed on the floor while the isosceles fucked him. Bill made sure to reverse the effects of every encounter,as he didn't want to have a broken toy. Plus whenever they normally bang,Bill is usually in his triangle form but he just summons a pp for himself so that he can properly fuck Ford (i refuse to make a human form for this specific Bill when i recognize him as the triangle). Also also whenever they bang normally,Bill is surprisingly gentle and tender with the fucking and he does in the most vanilla way since he has come to truly care about Ford even if it's under layers of possessiveness and manipulation. Bill does vanilla sex even if it's boring as he's willing to compromise for his dear husband. He knows that Ford likes being gently fucked so he does it anyway despite it being lame to him,plus he likes fucking his genius either way so it's fine. Also Ford makes sure to make up for that boring banging by pleasuring Bill himself so it's not all bad.
Ford is technically STILL a paranormal investigator,although it's more professional now that his company the Oregon Institute of Oddology gives him more resources and equipment for studying anomalies better such as traps lures as well as nets. He usually leaves the actual company work to Fiddleford whenever he's out studying anomalies in Gravity Falls,which the hillbilly doesn't mind as he was literally made to help deal with Ford's work.Bill erasing a memory from a person's mind mentally taxes them,which is why Ford gets tired whenever he erases something from his brain such as an argument or most negative experiences. The reason why Ford is still himself and has everything besides his memories intact is because Bill can't bring himself to change his beloved genius,if he took away his negative emotions and traits then he wouldn't be Ford anymore. Just a shell of him like the rest of the Perfect World inhabitants such as Fiddleford and Stan. Which is why Bill forces himself to deal with the man's outbursts and emotional lows,because he wants to be there for him even if it's difficult. Plus he could just erase his memory of negative experiences anyway so it's fine either way.
Ford isn't aware of the fact that he's living in a dream world,however Bill told him that he did a lot of positive changes to Oregon and Gravity Falls which explains why everything is different (he isn't technically lying though,he just leaves out the part that he replaced the og Dimension 46'/ with a dream version). (i just realized that half of this is just Bill being characteristically selfish and vile).
#gravity falls#bill cipher#ford pines#stanford pines#billford#gravity falls au#wehehehe au Billford nation is feasting rn#gravity falls writing#gravity falls fanfic#gravity falls fanfiction#my au#au spoilers#au writing#billford au#fordbill#bill x ford#ford x bill#lobotomy husbands#great uncle ford#grunkle ford#grunkle funkle is traumkle#that.. sounded funnier in my head#bill ci the demon guy#bill ci the triangle guy#bill ci the all seeing eye#gravity falls stanford#gravity falls bill cipher
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♡ My ultimate anti binge and getting through fasts advice. The order doesnt mean smth is more or less important. Mwah.
1) Water. Even if u hear this a lot, water is what u literally going to need for this. And im talking about actually getting ur water in, through out the day and not randomly remembering to drink it at 10pm. It doesnt have to be a torture, it shouldnt be! Get urself a cute water bottle, add some ice if u like and take small sips.
2) Sleep. And in the best way possible, i mean that u can use sleep literally as a distraction, to pass the time. Whenever u feel like those food thoughts are becoming too much, get under ur covers and sleep it off. Many times i did that and woke up, not feeling hungry anymore. And also, sleep itself does really help with weightloss, u will also feel less tired through out the day if u get nice sleep ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -。꒱ྀི১
3) Mints! Chewing zero sugar mint gum is a must. If that becomes too boring for u u can try the zero sugar flavored ones, my fav is raspberry or watermelon. U can also try to brush ur teeth whenever u feel like binging or eating when u shouldnt. Having that mint feeling in ur mouth often makes u want to not ruin it.
4) Distractions. Choose smth to distract urself, smth that actually takes a lot of time and doesnt make u think about food. Theres so many things u could do instead of being so bored u feel like u have to eat. Has to be smth u enjoy doing, for me its usually cleaning/organising, not only my room but around the house, watching movies and shows, saving pins on pinterest, organising my phone, making wishlists, playing games, and my fav one - talking to ppl on the phone or irl, so i dont want to interrupt it and i wouldnt want them to hear/see me eating.
5) Motivation. U wont do it if ur not motivated. Keep urself aware of how u look, try on clothes that u havr and see which ones are too small, and use this to motivate urself to fit in them. Think about how different everything could be for u in a couple of months if u stay strong now, and compare the situations if u fail. Write a list of things ur doing this for. I personally like to also have a hidden th3nsp folder, and i go back to look at the photos everytime i feel unmotivated and weak.
6) Dont jump into a fast too quickly. For example, if u ate a lot one day, and u decide to start a fast right away, it can make u fail pretty fast. Try to slowly make ur body more used to it, eat 100-200 cals less each day and THEN prepare to start a fast. So many times i made that mistake - started a fast out of nowhere, and my body was just too shocked, so i was way more hungry.
7) Wear a lip product. This might not be the most helpful one, but its just a small tip that works for me. Choose a lip product, bonus points if its scented or has a minty, cooling effect, and wear it. It makes me not want to ruin my lips and i usually choose not to eat when i have it on. Best combination is mint gum and this!
8) Zero drinks. We all know this, so i wont write too much, but zero drinks are usually my choice when i feel like i need smth with flavor, but i dont want any calories in. U have many to choose from.
9) Choose volume eating on the days u eat - instead of eating smth very small that has 300 cals, eat more but with less calories. This way u will feel better, and most likely wont eat even more. (Salads and fruits are heaven sent in that situation.) Always look for smth to switch to a less fat version, it isnt as hard as it seems.
10) Be patient. This is hard for me cuz im such an impatient person and if i could, i would want everything the same hour i start. But why did i make this point? Because if it feels pointless, like its not working, working to slow, just wait a month. U would be shocked how much u can change in just a month.
11) Doing lighter exercise while fasting. Ur already doing enough by fasting, so on those days dont torture urself with very long heavy exercise, even tho ik its tempting, i used to do it, but i would just end up feeling super shaky. U can workout more on the days ur restricting.
12) Parents that force dinners on u - I used to struggle a lot with that. Im older now, so no one can rlly tell me what to do. But i say, if ur parents make u sit down and eat dinner with them, try to make it ur omad. Nothing is really ,,ruined", if u dont think it is and dont start eating even more after, of course.
13) Rewards 🎀 Not food! But u can always set a bunch of goals and reward urself for them, it feels way nicer to do when u have to wait for smth and work for it. Choose a gift for urself and get it when u achieve a specific weight. U can have smaller ones for the small goals and choose smth bigger/more expensive when u hit a bigger goal.
14) Buying one piece of clothing thats too small for u. I had one, even a couple, and it was the greatest motivation ever. It was with my own money, and i felt so pathetic for thinking its too much work for me to just push myself and finally fit into that tiny top.
15) Keeping a journal. I usually do that in my phone notes and lock it. It helps u, u can always look back at it, learn from ur past mistakes and prevent urself from making them again. It can also motivate u! For example i wrote i was unhappy on my bday party cuz i felt too big. That motivated me to look way better on the next one, luckily a long time before the event.
16) Keep one thing in ur head, always - Food is not going to run away, it will be here. The cake ur mom bought, is not the last one u will ever see again, same with ur fav snacks someone brought home. The only thing running away from u is the years u spend unhappy, cause u keep giving in.
Good ♡ Luck !
#tw restriction#ed but not ed sheeran#tw ed implied#4n@diary#4nor3xia#anor3c1a#anor3cla#tw ana bløg#tw ed not ed sheeren#tw thinspi#tw 3d vent#tw ed ana#tw skipping meals#tw ana rant#anoreksik#ana y mia#tw mia#anadiet#disordered eating mention
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was gonna work on platinuming nemesis on xbox but instead i just spent the last 2hrs unfollowing people on ig 😮💨 I didn’t even get through them all and ive unfollowed 500+ accounts that ive been probably following since 2014 😅 i still have another 500 something to sift through but that can wait for another day
#it’s mostly brands and random people i don’t even know why i was following them#it’s nice to finally start getting toxic people out of all my spaces#plus unfollowing all the brands and influencers cleared up my feed SO much holy shit#i need to take a weekend and try and get my following count on here down a lil#but now i need to go to sleep cuz i have a lot to do tomorrow#and it might be a half day#but im not sure yet#i hope it is#my ass will be playing games all day if that ends up being the case#i don’t know what#but i will be playing them
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i crave to yell into the void or something so badly it's not funny anymore..... did I gain consciousness this year or smth
#me ramble#than lore. i always had trouble sleeping but like. just twirling around till i fall asleep#then in like September i just felt like i was dying and i wuz trying to figure out why and actually sleep#and apparently it was a panic attack qnd ok. and then it kinda got better. and then for a period i was losing it again but actually slept#and now its kinda back qgain wnd i need ro keep reminding myself i wint die in my sleep#which i mean fair. but my senses have changed I can Tell and also ive been having other pains etc wnd im not that easy ro convince#so yeah now i start losing my mind when im in darkness. i somehow get a heavy dizzy ass feeling when we drive out of town. ive lost it#rn im weird and my body is sore qnd all and mentally im overthinking. as if im not healing the wisdom tooth and am on my period.#no. brain says dying and you need to sit up rn#sorry i m yapper. idk what my life is anymore#i wuz gonna talk to the psych about this cuz thats why i booked. but some time passed and she started with amother topic. so instead it was#me crying cuz i was thinking of a lot of things that day. bullying and abuse and yet again about my transness#at least im glad i finally have someone Doctor to talk wbout that. oh well im gonna shut up cuz i know ill get off topic#i dont vent as much anymore i just wanted to say i really hate going to bed. i wish i could stay uo al day and do things
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every day i spend on twitter, because that's where most of the starmin are, is a day i wish most of that community would move to tumblr just because the way this site works in comparison would be so much better for it. the ability to tag art and be able to find it later on your own blog no matter how far back it was posted. the way you can add on to each others posts. and also i just like tumblers post format much better. especially for making a vague / simple post and then going into more detail in the tags cuz you don't wanna put all that in the main post but like it's there for anyone that wants to read it. on twitter you gotta put it all in the main body of the post and i. do not want to do that
#and rn it's mostly because i am only on twitter mainly for holostars content#and the vtubing community puts a lot of emphasis on keeping things about the vtuber 's main persona#and their alternate / past persona very separate not only out of respect for the person themselves#but also for the other fans that are JUST there for one or the other (usually it's the vtuber persona)#and there's a few people that are like ''hey by the way ill interact with both accounts so heads up'' and that's fine#but i guess i'm still like ''hmmm do i want to have all this stars fanart retweeted#followed by me vaguing about hiraga planning on streaming and then he doesn't (good because he'd JUST fixed his sleep sched)''#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#all in all it doesn't REALLY matter i can put what i want on my twitter but still i wish it were more like tumblr#or everyone could just move to tumblr please#anyway i WAS gonna go to bed at a descent time for a friday night then lizard man said he was gonna stream#but it's been like 2 hours so i think he probably conked out lmao which is good cuz he needs it i think#anyway every day i mourn for all the cool art i retweet that will be lost to the void in a few weeks because twitter sucks ass#i should go to sleep now in case he does stream in the morning after all. plus tavi's doing a music making menshi at like#8am i should try not to miss that too. fucking time zones TTATT#are you fucking kidding me i made this post and like 5 minutes later he went live bRO
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finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)
#shout out AS ALWAYS to people leaving comments!!!! you are keeping me motivated you are keeping the dream alive#for some behind the scenes: in the last few weeks i've been barely sleeping and it makes it very hard to write or even be in a good mood#i usually need 11+ hours to function and so like. 2-3 hours a night is putting me in a bad place both mentally and physically#and yes i realize 11 or more hours is like a silly amount of sleep but idk. it's just how i am. i go to bed early AND sleep in ahaha.#i've been falling behind in all my classes due to the sleep thing so writing for fun has totally been off the table lol#ANYWAYS#typing typing typing (this chapter will be a lighthearted one)#we all need some fluff and levity i think (and i need to give time for Riku to care for Sora even more and be like. wow. i love you)#I was struggling earlier bc i wanted to write both about how Sora has been hiding darkness from loved ones and needs to let them in#but also with the idea of sora feeling that he needs friends to have strength or value. and i kind of realized i needed to pick one#like maybe a better writer than me could have both of those things be addressed at once but for me i was like... I want Riku to comfort him#which goes against him learning that he's fine on his own. we can address that in a different fic. rn he is just sad and needs to know#that he can share that with the people around him. and that he's still loveable despite it all#also shout out to my gf for teaching me “love isn't something you deserve that's not what love is” like. i did not know that b4 her#so I asked her lots of questions for chapter 14 actually cause I was like. i want Riku to support Sora in the way you'd support me#cuz IDK SHIT ABOUT THAT i have always felt unworthy of love and like i had to beg people to stay with me until i got into this relationship#so i was like. judy. what is your wisdom. how do you care for me when i feel like my pain makes me unloveable. what would you say#So yeah shout out to her! I am off on a tangent now hehe sorry. thanks for reading if you read this at all!! have a good day :)#jtsys fic#updates
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#hmm hmm i wonder if the reason sarah is said to be able to use a sword in s.op is in part due to the manga??#cuz she only uses staves and her lute in the spin offs or just straight up magic.#the manga it's a pole/polearm (like i hc penelo mainly uses especially after ff12 and into rw and ffta2) plus#the manga is also where we see humanoid forms of the chaoses too... hmm hmm...#i have some other things i would like to write which you might see later tonight before i go into work or after#then im gonna work on my fic. i dont have any drafts here so if someone would like something starter wise or w/e hmu#personals do not interact#;light of the crystals (ooc)#took a break from making ff1 gifs to making ff12 gifs too cuz i found a bunch of videos from 2 (almost 3) yrs ago i couldnt find#and i found again looking for something else lmao so im gonna finish those then go to all the g.arland wo.l and c.osmos c.haos ones iwant2d#so yknow d.ff ones#maybe smoe chronodia ones too cuz i want to do the extra dungeons at some point on ff1psp#but for now sleep.#life update too ig? related to sarah. i went out on a date with my bf and i found two pink bracelets that remind me of sarah so i boughtthe#and then i got her 3 new cards from the tcg 😭😭😭#now i just need her ring 💪 i also have a necklace saved on amazon i want too that reminds me of her... 😳#also did a blog cleanout too since i had a lot of ooc content here. kept all my gifs tho. will try to get back to writing more
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I don't know him that well personally, but I WOULD take a bullet (an arrow? I guess, in this context?) for Anri of Astora
He gives me SUCH soft boy vibes, I just wanna protect him at all costs despite him being in a literal suit of armour already
#delete later#last time I was this shook about a character having a softer voice than I expected was Giorno Giovanna LMAO#look i know i have been all text posts and barely any art lately.......#i promise I draw I just don't have much to show for it#I actually went to prep an art summary ahead of time (for once) and uhhh....#did not 'finish' a lot of stuff this year. not gonna be the prettiest art summary hahaha#BUT I've had a lot of varying degrees of brainrot while juggling multiple fandoms so like#I guess it was to be expected#anyway tfw I have a HC for what Anri looks like purely based on vibe and idk if that makes me basic or not but hnngggg#i like it too cuz my Ashen One is kinda on the muscular side (despite being a DEX build lolol)#so i think they are like fun compliments to each other#NO IM NOT BIASED#also hello it is 7am i need to go to bed lmao okay gn#i think.... i need to make a tag for ppl to blacklist that is me blabbing like this#I worry i am..... annoying -- I DO have an art tag tho so I trust people just use that#but I guess that doesn't block me outta ur feed tho huh hahaha#i will work on this! but for now............ sleep.
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#sometimes I wonder if I’m as healed as I think I am#one day last summer I just woke up sad and it feels like I’m still waking up sad#there’s been a lot of good things that have happened between then and now#and I’ve created some memories that I keep v close to my heart#but if I could just hit pause on life rn I would#just a break to sleep and read and experience life w out any responsibilities or bills#like if I’m healed and have been in therapy for so long then why I still got MDD my guy?#I know why. I just need to be able to have the energy to do those things and I just do not#cuz of the MDD lol like it makes no sense#on top of all that#I’m not even a full 2 months in to this year and I’ve had like 1000 beginnings and endings already#honestly what I’m really worried about is that by the end of the year everything would have worked out#and I wasn’t able to be present enough to enjoy it and cherish it and truly appreciate it#sometimes I wake up and I’m so in love w the world#and sometimes I wake up and I can’t understand why I’m doing all this when I’m going to die one day#I just want to wake up everyday happy ya know#anyways.
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been checking off all the stuff I've gotten everything of in elden ring so far (nothing crazy just cookbooks, crystal tears, deathroot, paintings/artists spirit, dragon hearts and the tools like crafting pots etc and I've done all npc questlines I can in this run + gotten all the bell bearings that carry over to ng+ 👍) and I was looking at the lists for great gloveworts + ancient dragon stones and I have most of them already so I was feeling pretty good.. and then I counted how many distinct weapons I have so far (166) and searched up how many are in the game..... WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAN 308????
#i feel like ive wielded every kind of weapon ever imagined. how are there TWICE AS MANY AS THAT!!!!!!#a lot of them will probably take some grinding to get... weighing up how committed i am to getting them all#well i probably will. but i WONT be grinding enough playthroughs to upgrade them all to max im not that insane#but ill upgrade them *almost* to max.... theres no limit on regular smithing/somber stones cuz u can just buy them#but theres only 13 ancient dragon and 8 somber ancient dragon stones so u literallt have to beat the ENTIRE game again if u want more#and the max ill get is what. 39 and 24 bc im only planning on doing 3 runs (one for each ending)#and im NOT getting duplicates of everything so i can duel wield them all im a two handed wield guy so i only ever use one at a time#+50% extra damage for every hit r u kidding me im not abandoning that... there are some fights ive used a shield for so i can parry tho#anyway. at least i have a decent amt of the talismans... i think im gonna go for all the rest of those next#and then stonesword keys + locations + ill unlock every site of grace on the map so i have full freedom to get everything else#well all the ones i can at least.. if i missed any in leyndell capital theyre probably inaccessible now bc I burned it down LOL#just so much shit in this game it keeps blowing my mind fr#anyway i reaaaally need to sleep im so tired.. dont wanna go to work tomorrow aoughghh#itll be fine tho i just have one thing all day 👍 and ill feel motivated bc my meds will be working by the time i get there#its kind of nice in a way bc i refuse to think abt my work outside of work hours. shooting that thought down immediately#like when i get the bus im just thinking abt getting the bus. and when im there i have my checklist and if i focus on that it goes by#esp w meds. and then i go home and it doesnt exist for the rest of the day bc i have no sense of past of future <3#sometimes its kind of nice having a very Present mind like the here and now is all there is. its why im so good at mindfulness shit#i would make a great buddhist ANYWAYYYYYY GOODNIGJT!!!!#.diaries
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I love angst I love making characters suffer thru the Horrors™️ but I gotta admit I've become a huge sucker for wholesome moments like I use to casually enjoy them like whatever I could wave them off but now I'm almost gettin teary-eyed over the things
#idk getting in touch with my emotions is weird XP#I think I've always been a bit emotionally stunted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but now I have the proper communication skills to like#understand and talk about things and like process a lot of my emotions#and thus new emotions come up that I never really had before which is weird lmao#also I do kinda miss my random bursts of happiness but I know those were probably not exactly normal lmao#my happiness is a lot more managable now and I don't feel like my chest is going to burst and that I need to bounce off the walls#also it doesn't almost hurt to be happy bcuz I was like overflowing with emotion that I just could not handle lmao#things and stuff and things#now I'm having to deal with getting my sad emotions bad again ig lmao cuz I been having random bursts of feeling like crying#and it's over like heartwarming things or like kinda sad but like happy things I'm too lazy to look up the word BUT LIKE#I never use to like get emotional about those things so likeee unlocking new emotions era or smth#we'll see how it goes it's a process but I'm just gonna go along with it and see how it goes#just an fyi I haven't been like properly sad and crying abt stuff for like maybe 6 years? so I don't think this is a bad thing#I just need to get use to it is all going all numb and stuff really just takes everything outta ya the good and the bad#leaves ya with a big ol nothin numbness#glad to be getting emotions bad tho 👍 even if it is weird at first sometimes ya gotta be sad and cry abt stuff tho :P#I mistyped back as bad twice LMAO listen I have been awake for 18 hours I have been tired for like 3 hours now#I had to wake up my sibling for school so I had to stay awake even tho I wanted to sleep 😭😭😭
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Very cool for my aunt to ruin my good mood streak 👍 again
#it’s nothing I can complain about cuz she’s all correct. lmao#and like. ouhh yeah I have a temporary and not debilitating wound on my leg (that I can still perfectly walk on!)#and chronic sleep issues and THATS why I’ve been unemployed for a month in a half or whatever#like call me limp dicked or whatever but I genuinely need to get off my ass and do something for once. lmfao#it’s like. ppl with significantly worse lives do more so why can’t I#(<- it’s cuz I don’t try yada yada) I would actually really genuinely do. a lot of things to be in the spot#to just sell all my shit; pick a direction and just walk with the clothes on my back#and the only reason I won’t right now is because I have TOO MUCH SHIT and my family would have to take care of it GOD#anyway I’m gonna stop embarrassing myself and never go online again#(be useless for seven hours (sleep) and post like normal again)#sorry to anyone who considers me a friend I’m actually a useless sack of shit#obviously not a ploy for you to coddle me lmfao#good grief I’m pathetic. yeesh
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hiii!! what type of porn do u think enha would be into?? this question has literally been plaguing me for the past week
thank u sm for sending this to me my beloved anon ! (⺣◡⺣)♡ here is my personal opinion on what kind of porn the enha hyung line (adding jungwon cuz i love nia) would be into 🤞
𖥻 JAKE i know will be into the nastiest shit known to humanity. but ! at the same time everything really depends on his mood and what he’s feeling. if he’s feeling like he just needs to get one nut out and have a quick orgasm he’ll probably go into the shadiest & easiest porn sites and just click on whatever makes his cock twitch from the thumbnail on the recently uploaded page. and he has range. his gravitation towards these types of videos range from (obv scripted) milfs getting pounded by their step sons or … hear me out. just straight up pussy eating videos. that does it for him tbh. however ! if he does have time and wants to have a whole masturbation session he would probably take his time in searching for the types of videos he’s in the mood for (also ranges from 69 videos, anal videos, sex toys videos, BDSM videos and so on and so forth) but at the end of the day, doesn’t matter if he was here for a quick or long orgasm— it WILL knock him out and he will sleep like a baby :(
honourable mentions ! : fucking machine videos, … sybian, step-cest hentai, pussy eating videos & squirting orgasm compilations (he’s a munch what can i say).
𖥻 HEESEUNG also into the nastiest shit known to human kind. i feel like heeseung has a phase where he hyperfixates on either 3D porn (probably futanari threesomes) or hentai (highschool themed ones maybe? or … infidelity ones ngl). (that phase comes and goes every now and then but it’s there for sure) he also has a thing for step-cest and i feel like lots & lots of bondage videos. i’m talking like porn videos where girls get tied up and fucked with different kinds of toys for hours till they squirt uncontrollably and best believe he’s watching it entirely. heeseung also has a thing for edging himself as it makes his orgasm hit 10 times harder. so he probably has participated in those ‘10 mins do not cum’ challenge videos on random porn sites. i also believe he has a thing for rough fucking videos. going back into the bdsm part he loves watching threesome bdsm videos where there’s a guy fucking a girl while another one is pushing his cock down her throat. also seems like the guy to have a thing for monsterfucking.. anything that involves werewolf, monster or alien x human porn videos just know that he’s already watched it. tentacles hentai is the way to go, 3D alien forced breeding is also one of his favourites (might even have an obsession with facehuggers phase… anyone interested in alien hee?) overall really filthy shit gets him off so well.
honourable mentions ! : has a thing for double penetration videos, gangbangs, lesbian threesomes, sex toy videos, alien breeding & facehuggers.
𖥻 JAY my romantic baby :( this man probably doesn’t even go to porn sites that often (lies) he goes to twitter to his fav nsfw accs & watches the most romantic and loving porn on the internet that it’s not even porn atp it’s just watching two ppl love each other (and being jealous). he’s the type of man that will have a thing for missionary videos because i feel like he watches the type of porn that he, himself can replicate. missionary videos with the guy being so whiny and kissing his girl everywhere is one of his favs, but ! he also does really enjoy watching cowgirl povs.. doesn’t matter if it’s reverse or not, i know an ass man when i see one. see now all of this? applies to my beloved soft boy jay ♡ who takes his time and enjoys his alone pleasure time so nicely and sleeps so contently like a baby after. butttt ! he also does have his own random urges and moments and needs to watch diff types of porn. i see him as the type of guy to stay on twitter still but also go to diff acc w diff kinds of porn in them.. call me crazy but i believe he also has a thing for tying up like heeseung. except this time its obv diff than the bondage on porn sites. he loves loves loves to watch videos of pretty ‘good girls’ getting punished on their daddies lap with their legs and arms tied up. loves to watch how their daddies make them sit on their faces so they can eat their cunts out for hours. also has a thing for full fucking session videos from start to beginning. is fully tuned in from the first few minutes of the make out session or the teasing till the final minute where both of them orgasm. might even be the type to start jerking himself off slowly in the beginning and make himself cum with the ppl on the video to get maximum satisfaction, then goes into a deep slumber cuz he’s been edging himself for a long time.
honourable mentions ! : twt videos that lean heavily towards ddlg content, bj videos, tit play videos (to feed into his lactation kink ! best believe he’s jerking off to a man sucking milky droplets off his girl’s nipples) and doggystyle compilations.
𖥻 SUNGHOON … he’s really into role play videos. idk how to explain this but i feel like he has a massive obsession with role play porn videos that are all scripted. a police officer x criminal porn video where the girl is the criminal and gets cuffed and fucked over the chief’s table just does it for him. his interests also drift towards pet play… has a thing for pet play kind of videos & cute pet like outfits like cat ears :( really has a huge thing for calling a pretty girl kitty it just makes him cum so quickly & so so hard. when the video contains roleplaying and punishment? he’s so gone. give him a video where it’s a professor / teacher x student roleplay porn and his hands will be around his cock in a second. his obsession is so deep rooted he’s willing to go into the sketchiest sites just to find the full versions of the videos he sees that are frustratingly teasers / half way through. he’s also a freak for ‘stuck inside the washing machine’ type shit (so yes to step-cest roleplaying videos). it just adds up in my head tbh cuz it’s freakhoon we’re talking about. bcs of his obsession with roleplaying and pet play… he also sometimes falls down a horny rabbit hole of 3D hentai.. that’s furry porn. he will never admit this but he came so hard to furry / wildlife porn especially when he found werewolf & human porn. best nut of his life the second he saw the knot orgasm. again will never admit this bcs the post nut clarity hit him so hard he didn’t jerk off for five days straight after that. (anyone interested in werewolf hoon? omegaverse hoon?).
honourable mentions ! : also into fucking machine videos, furry breeding videos, roleplaying hentai videos and anal compilations (no i will not elaborate for now.)
𖥻 JUNGWON the only thought that comes into my head when i think about the type of porn that will get won off is tits. doesn’t matter what kind of video he’s watching as long as there’s tit play is involved he’s so gone. loves and adores to watch videos of either boob play & jerking off or missionary with milfs (yes has a huge thing for milfs) where the camera pov is from above and he has the perfect angle of their cunt & tits bouncing. though he might have a thing for tits & female body worship… cock worship gets him off so well. just seeing a girl get so cockdrunk with a guy slapping his leaking dick on the side of her cheek makes him so fucking hard. like jake, jungwon’s porn videos depend on his mood and how he’s feeling like. if he needs a quick nut he’ll go to his favourite website and click on whatever appears for him first cuz he has an acc and the algorithm already knows the kind of filth he watches. (he’s a dedicated consumer, has an acc on every site and might even go as far as to downloading porn site apps & following their twt accs) but if he is looking for a long session where he can take his time then best believe he’s watching a whole homemade movie. loves to watch videos from beginning to end with all different positions and angles and multiple orgasms. also tends to have a thing for following along and experiencing everything in the video. but then again he also strikes me as the guy to also watch tit play compilations… for sure has a lactation kink and lives to get off of boob sucking videos & maybe even adult breastfeeding. either way… everything depends on his mood.
honourable mentions ! : 69 compilations, cowgirl compilations especially ones where the guy starts to suck on the girl’s boobs, pussy fingering orgasm videos, deep throating.
again thank u for sending this ask !! <3
#enhypen x reader#enhypen smut#enhypen hard hours#enhypen hard thoughts#heeseung smut#jake smut#sunghoon smut#jungwon smut#jay smut#park jongseong x reader#lee heeseung x reader#sim jaeyun x reader#park sunghoon x reader#yang jungwon x reader#enha hard thoughts#enha hard hours#asks & responses <3
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ig I’m doing that notes thing that I’ve been seeing a lot (all numbers r gonna be low cuz my account kinda dead rn)
5 notes: I’ll post more cat pictures cuz people seem to enjoy those
10 notes: I’ll lock in on the writing requests I got rn
15 notes: I’ll try to better my sleep schedule
20 notes: I’ll start recording for the slenderverse arg
25 notes: I’ll get a therapist finally
30 notes: I’ll come out to my friends
That’s all for now :)
Edit 1:
I GUESS IM ADDING MORE
60 notes: I’ll hang out w my friends again
65 notes: I’ll try to get back into doing art
70 notes: I’ll try n get a boyfriend :)
80 notes: I will post bunny pics ( I hav a pet bunny too)
100 notes: I’ll get a job
115 notes: I’ll work on a ren fair costume n post photos
125 notes: I’ll do a hair reveal
140 notes: finish reading the books I haven’t finished
edit 2:
190 notes: I’ll start doing Duolingo again
200 notes: I’ll take a shower every night for 10 days
220 notes: I’ll stop being a iPad kid and go outside 😭😭
240notes: I’ll make some sushi n eat it :) (tbh I really m craving sushi rn so yeah-)
260 notes: Kinda like the one on the first one BUT I will start sleeping for a WHOLE 8 HOURS A NIGHT!!!! (For at least a week cuz no way I can do that forever)
270 notes: I’ll start wearing makeup again :)
300 notes: I’ll clean my room
320 notes: I’ll post my dumb ahh art
340 notes: I’ll organize my phones apps (w proof)
370 notes: i organize my computer (w proof)
400 notes: I’ll actually try hard this coming school year
430 notes: room tour
450 notes: I’ll start sewing stuff again
500 notes: I’ll put a screen time thing on my phone 😭
Edit 3:
Since people hav been asking for more here it is (Unachievable goals so they take longer) most of these r gonna be writing cuz i havent wrote in a while n need to
600 notes: I'll update all of my wattpad fanfics w a new chapter
680 notes: I'll start writing the book i have been thinking about doing (+Post it)
720 notes: I'll finally post my requests that ppl hav given me n that i hav just kept updating
750 notes: I'll post my oc's
800 notes: I'll start playing the flute again
900 notes: .... I will give you guys my wattpad account....
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW
@chlover-my-shingles
#i hate tagging#notes game#cats#kitty cat#kitty#cat#cats of tumblr#cat lovers#Putting a lot of tags so this gets out to more people#writing community#writing#writers on tumblr#sleeping#slenderverse#arg#marble hornets#Therapist#coming out#Gay#genderfluid#oc#creative writing#writeblr#writers and poets#writer#writerscommunity#books#wattpad#flute music#flute
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I need more jason headcanons please im on my kneeeeeeess
Honestly what haven’t I said about this beautiful man?
While after a certain period of your relationship he still feels a tad insecure of the fact that one day you’ll find someone who’s…not dealing with as much baggage as him, someone who isn’t as broken and scared as him. He’ll be more open to telling you this as well as in the beginning he was still trying to find his feet in something completely new to him, which lead to a lot of misunderstandings due to the lack of communication.
Now communication was one of your strong suits in your relationship.
Has frequent night terrors that have poor Jason reaching out to hold your hand, or link pinkies to make sure you were still there, still with him and he’ll keep his hand touching you for the rest of the night until the next day where you find yourself being cradled in his arms protectively.
Double checks everything is locked within your apartment, it’s a need and a must on Jason’s checklist to make sure that before you both go to bed, or just you while he heads out on patrol, is to make sure that every lock on every window and door was doing their fucking job because god forbid Jason comes home to a broken in apartment. (This never happens cuz Jason is efficient in taking out his enemies)
He’s a heavy boy thanks to all that muscle he’s obtained and he often forgets this fact about himself when he’s squishing you into the sofa as he cuddled himself into your neck, humming softly as your hands rub his back and up to his hair in a soothing manner until he is half asleep. You don’t mind it as much as he acts as weighted blanket for you and made it a hell of a lot easier for you to sleep at night, knowing this behemoth of a man was deliciously squishing you into the bed.
This man may have gave you a run through do the basics of self defence and weaponry, Jason couldn’t run the risk of something happening to you and so will go out of his way to train you to an acceptable level where he could safely assume that you could handle yourself when he isn’t nearby to help.
Even though he mysteriously and somehow knows where you are…just waiting on the rooftops to make sure that no one was using any underhanded tactics.
Still gets a little jolty when it comes to physical affection but will relax upon seeing that it’s you cuddling up to his broad back and kissing his scars, the one between his shoulder blades being a particularly sensitive one out of the bunch, and one kiss is enough to have him sharply inhale before regaining composure.
Has fallen asleep one too many times with his reading glasses on and his book laid spread against his chest (wish it were me) and it’s not until you say and or do something about it does he notice what he was doing and starts setting aside both his book and glasses to prevent form a state of irreparable damage. He looked really adorable and you have albums of them without him knowing.
You know when Jason’s comfortable with you when he is capable of just sitting in absolute silence with you when he has nothing interesting to say, he doesn’t feel pressured to talk to have your attention, all he has to do is simply exist and you’ll love him nonetheless and it really helps him out a lot because a lot of the time he doesn’t have much to say. So you’ll both sit together in harmonious peace as he reads his book and you do your thing, you both coexist peacefully together and that’s all that matters to Jason in the end.
Loves it when you wear his stuff because when he gets them back he’ll have a reminder of you on them. He just really likes having a reminder of you on him no matter what as it gave him a sense of normality, a sense of purpose and belonging outside of clearing Gotham of its criminals and scumbags. It showed him that he had a life outside of it all.
Hates being mischaracterised as the ‘angry, misguided, temperamental’ type of man because he’s far, far from any of that to begin with and you know that wholeheartedly as Jason rarely gets mad, and even if he did he was quick to apologise in fear that you’ll too believe what everyone else believes. You don’t because you’re not a fucking idiot like most people.
(This is specifically directed to ppl who mischaracterise Jason as the angry robin…go look at dick! He’s the angry one! Jason was the happy one, which makes his whole transformation into red hood even more tragic! You guys simply can’t read and that is proof and yet you call yourself comic book readers…what a fucking joke.)
Gear a little spooked when he doesn’t see you’re in bed and is quick to check the entire apartment before allowing his mind to come to the worst conclusions. so when he finds you in the kitchen or coming out of the bathroom, he’s going to give you the biggest hugs known to man kind before dragging you back to bed where you stay in his embrace, but you don’t mind, if it’s to calm his mind and cool down then you’ll gladly let him hold you as tight as humanly possible. You just wanted Jason to get the rest he deserved and if that meant being his personal teddy bear then you’ll do it.
#dc imagine#dc x reader#dc x you#dc fanfic#dc comics x reader#dc fic#dc x y/n#dc fanfiction#jason todd x reader#jason todd imagine#jason todd fluff#jason todd imagines#jason todd x y/n#jason todd x you#red hood x you#red hood imagine#red hood x reader#red hood imagines
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✴️THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND✴️
The Guide - the only post you will ever need to understand how your subconscious mind works!
1. Time isn't real
Let me break it to you! Time isn't real at all cuz think about it all these hours and numbers are made by humans!
But how?!
They just track how the earth moves around the sun and that's all
Yes without time there will be morning and night and still these hours aren't real
As in whole THE UNIVERSE!! TIME DOESN'T EXIST IF YOU AREN'T ON THE EARTH!
which GETS US TO THAT ONE POINT
SUBCONSCIOUS MIND REPROGRAMMING DOESN'T TAKE 21 DAYS OR ANY TIME
Subconscious mind reprogramming is instant
That's why I always add it to my tapes as benefits and that's why I made the benefits! cuz it bypasses the conscious mind and it makes it easier for your subconscious to make it reality!
So basically it all comes down to what you assume!!
2. Languages
I got that question a lot about what if I can't speak English, will the affirmations work?
Yes ofc they will
whatever it's affirmations only or my tapes
Even if you make your own tapes it will work!!
3. Thoughts
Is it really "it is what it is"?
Yes, it is what it is
For ex.
if you think you already got 50k US DOLLARS you already have it it's that simple (like that success story a girl experienced with one of my free tapes she manifested 50k US DOLLARS! - also this one success story - The tape is on YouTube btw)
Again it all comes down to what you assume!
4. Assuming
Assuming hmmm... Do you know that all your thoughts are assumptions?
But there are two things about these thoughts!
Did you assume that they are real and true?
Do you assume that whatever you want is already achieved?
Do you assume that you are always right?
Or did you assume that it can't happen cuz you think you are lying!
Just be honest with yourself
Get a piece of paper and write everything you think about down ABOUT A SPECIFIC MANIFESTATION YOU GOT ON YOUR MIND!
And if you think you are lying why? Ask yourself! Make all that noise go away and clear it for yourself! You deserve better
Now this gets us to another point which is your manifesting self-concept and your self-concept they are very important for ur existence like they are the core of your life! So a little advice work on them then do whatever you want!
Cuz it changes the way you think and what you assume
So like a person with a bad or mid self-concept they will always assume the worst for themselves
Another person with a good self-concept they will be aware of who they are and what they are capable of!
5. Thoughts, Feelings and beliefs!
Again and again
How you feel is created by thought
Subconscious programming → beliefs → feelings → thoughts
So if you keep saying "oh I am sad" multiple times you will be sad it's just that simple
Use it for your own good!
And imagine what... Right now
Your beliefs will reflect in your reality after one thought instantly after reading this post so be careful cuz i already manifested this while typing this!
And listen to in control tape by me on YouTube!
Basically you can always create beliefs instantly cuz you believe that time isn't real... Did you know what we are doing here? Just assuming the best for us but you still have to be constant to get used to it and make it a part of your programming like everyday
Someone like me I enter the void every time I nap and sleep I got used to it and I don't even feel tired anymore when I wake up there and I don't use it that much anymore!
I literally enjoy how easy it is in life to do whatever I want and experience whatever I want!
6. Simple assumptions to have a good relationship with your subconscious mind
I will give you 10 affirmations from my paid subconscious mind tape at the end (I know it won't be the same as the tape itself because of the benefits but still it might help you guys!)
Do you know that your subconscious mind is here for you like a parent it's like your personal assistant - it has everything about you, your memories and it controls ur whole life it accepts every single thought you think about unless you say it it's not something you accept so it gets in your subconscious mind like "oh I don't accept this"
Even the negative statements your subconscious mind knows it negative!! Same thing with the positive statements
Like for ex.
I am not a bad person - negative statement
Your subconscious mind acknowledges it!
Your subconscious mind won't take it in like "I am a bad person" without the "not"
Even the same thing with
I am a good person - positive statement
Your subconscious mind acknowledges it TOO
The subconscious mind ACCEPTS THE NEGATIVE STATEMENTS TOO!
IT IS simply WHAT IT IS!!
It's not the opposite at all as some weird bloggers said! Or even that book about the subconscious mind it's called "the power of the subconscious mind by Joseph Murphy" it's full of bs and limiting beliefs - I genuinely hate it
I literally saw a coach in Saudi Arabia on X (PREVIOUSLY Twitter) selling a whole course for almost 30k USD and sharing all the limiting beliefs in that book and that was months ago!
I mean at least IF YOU ARE MAKING PEOPLE PAY FOR SOMETHING PROVIDE THEM WITH THE BEST THINGS AND INFORMATION
I hated how some people let some crazy stuff like that get to them without doing their own research or just creating their own rules!!
Be a little independent please for your own good
Your subconscious mind can be programmed instantly YOU DON'T NEED ANY TIME all you need to realize and understand is that yes "I always reprogram my subconscious mind instantly" and YOU JUST NEED comfort and just repeating the affs - this is a way
Another way to do it - make your own tapes and it's just repetition
Another way to do it - simply be it be whatever you want to be! Like it's already you!
One last way to do it - my free tapes + paid tapes they are very effective they work from the first listen because they have benefits again what actually made my tapes get that much success stories is the benefits
I am gonna upload 2 new free tapes they are small but very effective! Everyone here will like them!!
🎀10 Affirmations for your subconscious mind🎀
from my paid subconscious mind tape
Affirmations:
Me and my subconscious mind are one.
My subconscious mind already accepts everything I say as true.
My subconscious mind already accepts everything think about as true.
My subconscious mind is already my best friend forever.
My subconscious mind always helps me with everything.
My subconscious mind always loves me.
My subconscious mind always helps me reach my highest potential in this lifetime!
My subconscious mind already believes what I want it to believe easily effortlessly quickly and instantly.
My subconscious mind always manifests everything I want easily effortlessly and instantly.
I have a perfect relationship with my subconscious mind.
Thank you guys for all the support and love and I hope this post helped you!
If you have any questions you can always send an ask I will be happy to answer them whenever I am free! Also you can dm me if you want a paid tape or a custom tape!
One last thing these tapes are with benefits they aren't like any other tapes that are available everywhere these days! 🎀
Enjoy!💗
#loa#law of assumption#neville goddard#self concept#loassumption#void success#loa success#success stories loa#self development#self esteem#non dualism#non duality#nonduality#nondualism#subconscious mind#subconscious reprogramming#subconscious#void concept#voidstate#the void#void state#void#the void state#void state tips#how to manifest#manifestations#manifest#manifesting#manifestation
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