#but now i just want to sob 💀
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me when i’m listening to sad songs and then i start feeling like crying and i wonder why completely ignoring the mass tons of grief being poured into my ears
#i need to pay more attention to what i’m listening to#but also just#the vibes are so melancholic#like look at the sky#its fitting#but now i just want to sob 💀
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AO 2024 • Doubles • R1 • Miscellaneous
#many mixed feelings in the last 24hours so i kinda needed to make a post about it#First I would like to thank the A team for saving my birthday by both advancing to R2#Andrea ended 2023 on two titles back to back and i'm so happy he carried that energy with him this season🥺#And Andreas having a great start with JP. Really hoping they'll stick together#( but only up to the grass season. Because grass season is Andi and Demo season. Yes i make doubles tennis schedules now)#Now off to the bitter sweet stuff...#Demo and Marcus being back together for the first time since 2021...#...just to lose their first match on Demo's birthday after rain delays dragged the whole thing for almost five hours 💀#Matty and Bopi advancing to R2...#...beating Johnny Mill in the process who played his last professionnal match before retiring from tennis#look at the way Matty looks at Johnny i'm sobbing 😭😭😭#why do retiring players always have to lose against their bestie?#the tennis Gods have no mercy#Rafa and Luisa went from winning the AO last year to needing a wild card to make it to the main draw this year and exiting after R1#rafa comforting Luisa was so soft i love them so much 🥺#i just want the doubles kittens to be happy#is that too much to ask?#thank you for coming to my therapy session#doubles trouble collection
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The heart wants toxic yuri and drunk calls and drunken confessions but the mind tells me to be a responsible adult living in the real world with a 9-5 😐
#why is this world so boring why can't i be an immortal witch who dies every night in the battlefield only to be cleaned up and resurrected#in secrecy from my gf who hates fighting but only to be found out to her horror and be cleaned and picked up by my gf every night#why can't healing magic exist in the form of girls kissing why can't i be puking flowers if im puking anyway#like healing and doing better is great but god is it boring lmao#i kinda miss how dramatic my first unofficial heartbreak was.. like that was bad for my health but very interesting for the plot#now instead i journal and play an instrument and don't talk to ppl abt how i feel and work a stable job and hang out with my friends#WHICH ARE NORMAL PEOPLE ACTIVITIES and i think it's good to be being a normal person rn but i haven't had a like. big dramatic cry yet.#i cried before the break up but i haven't really had a big sob or anything after it and part of me misses feeling the range of emotions#like i was angstier when i was 15 this experience has been so calm and muted it even surprises me i feel like i should feel more hurt abt it#alas i missed my best chance to like actually act heartbroken. like if i do anything now it's kinda gonna be more for the experience and bit#god it's the theatre kid in me lmao i just. i want to experience what it's like crying and calling drunk walking home in your friend's arms#but ig if ur w ur friends they wouldn't let u call ur ex? so ig walking home alone at night drunk and crying!#but that feels unsafe. so maybe just. drunk alone at home? but that also feels like a liability#what do u even say on the call? im drunk can u pick me up pls? 💀💀💀 i don't think that's gonna work.#ok god i need to stop thinking abt this lmao im gonna be tempted to do it for fun but aaa self control self control#think instead abt the independent project u have. and ur diagnostic score. and the fact that u already broke ur favorite shirt.#where do ppl get interesting lives. the older i get the more my life has settled down into some stable npc life which i do like. but still.#can't help but realize i live in a very different world than most ppl. my coworker constantly asks me how old i really am.
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Me after blacking out for a whole hour writing an angst Huening Kai fic and it actually turns out quite good:
DONT GET ME WRONG, ITS A BUNCHA WORD VOMIT BUT LIKE GOOD WORD VOMIT YKYK I AM SHOCKED.
#what kinda sorccery is this.#also also short ramble because I've been absent for a while and because i want to 🫶🫶#i wont get into the specifics but oh my goddd life is just. 🫠🫠💀#alot has happened this past month#and its all for a good cause but *sighs* my health in general has just been plummeting.#and I'll not be a liar and say 'dw guys im alr' NO I AM NOT I LITERALLY WANT TO SLEEP FOR ANOTHER THREE YEARS 😭😭😭#however i promise I WILL BE FINE just not right now and uh yeah sorry for the unwanted hiatus (I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS EITHER *SOB SOB*)#end of rant#hyukassubi.goofy#hyukassubi.thoughts#AAAA MY THEME I FORGOT-
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I'M CRYING THEY REALLY MUTILATED THE LIGHT NOVELS IN THE ANIME DIDN'T THEY
#can you tell I just fuckin read “Osamu Dazai's Entrance Exam”#like holy shit#i watched the anime first and I was like “oo cool but Atsushi was merely an onlooker :(#BUT THEN I READ THE LIGHT NOVEL#AND LIKE–#SOB#BOTH CHARACTERS HAD DEPTH IN THE LIGHT NOVEL#“The Dark Era” was adapted quite well in my opinion (I think... I read it a while back idr)#I am yet to read “Untold Origins” 💀#“15” was adapted ok but not the best i prefer the novel#i can understand why y'all don't want stormbringer animated now#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd light novel
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it’d be great if i could recall the day i realized i’m a guy so i could call it my manniversary or something but i didn’t do that. search for the du(d)e date.
#raii talks a lot#couldn’t think of a joke that used the word guy except for “the guy-me and place” but it wasn’t obvious that “guy-me” was “time”#was just thinking about how i wanted to go by hunter when i was younger and then i started thinking about how much of a dick#i feel whenever i have to correct someone on their spelling of my chosen name like “sob sob i’m so sorry for my spelling choices i’ll go ru#out the window now i’m so sorry you can use my given name if it’s too hard” FOUR LETTERS GET A GRIP BABY 💀
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#lost how far i was into death is the only ending for the villainess manhwa#and im sure i read through like. waay further in novel form but obv its been long enough that the manga should be pretty caught up now#BUT OH MY GOD i picked a random chapter and iT WAS ECLISE(? girl whats the actual romanization for these names)#TELLING THE FEMALE LEAD TO LEAVE HIS COLLAR ON AND HE'L BEHAVE SO SHE WONT THROW HIM AWAY#GIRLLLLL 😭 i always felt so bad for him i think i liked all the male leads enough but he always. damn. he doesnt miss </3#44597#THE LATER CHAPTERS WHERE HE GETS CRAZIER(?) ARE WILD TOO BUT I FORGOT HOW CRAZY.. MF DO BE CRAZY THO 💀#also liked vinter.. forgot if he was any good in the end but hes v perceptive and a little manipulative but w good intentions#which sounds shitty but i swear it makes him interesting. forgot the other dudes tbh but i probably didnt like them 💀#loyal wolf guardian and clever bunny wizard.. my choices are funny im ngl#WAIT THERES THAT ONE GUY THAT LOVES PENELOPE THROUGH AND THROUGH.. THE ONE WHO SAVES HER FROM THE ISLAND RIGHT?#such a good guy i support that mf so hard ! but hes just not for me yk </3#the brothers suck tho 🤷♀️ iirc#ohh its kallisto. hes hot tho#actually him saying he dgaf abt the empire and would run it to the ground if penelope wanted it is pretty lit too. team kallisto tbh#OUgH CALLISTO IS SO FUCKING FUNNY IM NGL#WATCHING PENELOPES FOCUS ON JUSTRAISING LIKABILITY FOR SURVIVAL TURN INTO HER ACTUALLY FALLING FOR CALLISTO IS SO AAAAAAA#nvm seeing his favourability for her vs eclise's just broke my heart. i hate him sm#penelope slowly and unconsciously realizing shes formed a real connection w these ppl outside of treating this like a game im going to sob#buT STILL NOT KNOWING HOW TO MAKR THAT 99% INTO A 100%.. PLEASR THAT MAN CAN READ YOU LIKE A BOOK HE KNOWS YOURE LYINGGG 😭#ohhhhh then it all goes to shit and she doesnt trust anyone this is so pAINFUL STOP
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I think I had an attack of sorts last night. lol. lmao even
#like. okay. I'm gonna make this as short as possible#we have three dogs and one cat now. all of them adopted by my dad and sisters#however. they barely take care of them bc they aren't home often and when they are it's to sleep#which leaves me. mom. and my elderly aunties to care for them#the dogs don't really get along and growl at each other often. two of them hate cats (our eldest dog was adopted when my late cat --#-- was still alive so he's used to them) which means we not only have to keep the dogs away from the cat but from each other as well#I used to have to wake up at like 8 am every day to care for the dogs while my aunties got groceries#I'm now on kittysitting duty at that time until anybody has the kindness to help and let me rest damnit#THING IS. since I've been caring for the cat I've had to let my family care for our dogs and hopefully stop them from fighting#four days man. four days and they've already failed. I woke up at 1am because the sigs were at each other's throats#and I guess the stress of not being able to study as I'd want bc if the cat. my sisters and dad thinking it's ok to adopt animals--#-- they know they can't take care of. and me not having slept well in days plus being hella tired overall led to me sobbing for 20 mins 💀#AFTER stopping them ofc. it seems everybody here can sleep through a dog fight#I'm just tired man. why leave all your damn animals at the care if the guy that's studying to enter college. too much shit at once#| gareth's woes |
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thinking about a yandere who was cursed by the gods (something similar to medusa), not because he did anything wrong, but because they found him too beautiful and too tempting.
what was once a god of a man was now but... still a handsome man, just with cursed eyes. with eyes that turn anyone into stone the second he gazes upon them. everyone who he once knew were now nothing more than mere statues, having glanced upon his beautiful eyes that now bring death.
he has chosen to live in solitude, away from everyon- well, not really. it's just that the once lively place he lived in.... wasn't so lively after all. i mean, they all turned into stone 💀
anyway, he shut everyone out because #1 they were all dead and #2 he didn't want to lose another person that he loved. what better way than to just... not interact with society and become a social hermit?
enter, you.
little ol' you who accidentally wandered into his place. he was flabbergasted and terrified. shit, he didn't want to kill an innocent person! so he tried to scare you away by making weird noises and blockign off your path while simultaneously not showing his eyes.
but wow, you just kept coming closer and closer!
"stay back! i'm warning you! you'll regret it!"
he tried to cover his eyes, tears threatening to spill from them as he absolutely majestiv form trembled on the spot. man, was he really about to take the life of another innocent person who didn't deserve to get turned into stone??
then you told him you were blind and he felt the fear leave his body as fast as it came.
from then on, the two of you chatted daily, talking about your different lives and such. it helped him regain a sense of... normalcy that he thought he'd forgotten. it was nice having you around.
so much so that he actually started to develop feelings for you. feelings that were so deep and obsessive that others would've probably ran away. not you though, never you. you were the only one to stay by his side despite his unusal predicament. perhaps the gods were sorry for playing such a cruel fate on him and decided to give him a blessing?
wrong.
"sweetheart! sweetheart! it's a miracle!"
your voice snaps him out of his daze, filling him with a giddy feeling that he's come to love and crave. oh you are just so delightful! he swears he could just lock you up to coddle you in hugs and kisses for the rest of his miserable little life!
"darling? what miracle?"
he pauses, feeling his heart drop into his stomach the second you enter his room without your usual glasses on. wait... what are you-
"i've regained my sight! bless the heavens above i-"
"no! no! no! don't look!"
but it was all for naught. you had already turned to stone.
"fuck! why did this happen?! no no no.... please wake up. please, you can't leave me too!"
the beautiful man sobs, cradling you in his arms as his salty tears fall onto your now stone cold cheeks. he cries and begs, voice growing softer and softer as the sun begins to set. how could the gods be so cruel? what had he done so wrong for them to subject him to such a fate? fine! take away his friends! take away his family! but why did they have to take you too?
"please come back...."
things were only made worse because today was the day when he'd finally decided to ask you to spend the rest of your lives together.
#yandere#tw yandere#yandere x reader#yandere drabbles#yandere scenarios#yandere imagines#yandere concepts#cursed yandere#cursed yandere x reader#gn reader#suiana rambling#suiana brainrotting
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A list of all the things I have manifested ⋆˚⟡˖ ࣪
We manifest everything in our lives btw - the good and the bad which is why I will be including both to prove that the law does not discriminate. If you can successfully become poor, you can most definately become rich with the same ease because everything is just a state.
Long hair
AHH this is one of my favourite manifestations. Ever since I was young I had a weird bob with a fringe (often crooked) and I wanted long hair like all the other girls (lmaoo) but my mum was strict so she didn't let me grow it out. Although I didn't know about manifestation back then, every new year and birthday I would wish for long hair and I would pretend I was a princess with butt long hair. Guess what, somewhere along the line, my mum let me grow it out and now I have butt length hair (don't really know what to do with it tho </3).
As all kids do, I went through an emo phase where I chopped off like half of my hair like 4 years ago. I literally grew back 7-8" of hair within a month because my parents got too mad. I knew about manifestation here so I just assumed my hair always grows unaturally fast. Same with when I cut bangs, they grew past my chin within a couple of weeks.
Manifesting my way into a private school
Honestly this just shows that you dont need 2430430 hours of working on your self concept to manifest. Literally so many celebs, including Marylin Monroe (the queen), manifested their fame with awful self concept. Likewise, here I was possibly going through the worst time of my life back then. I would wake up at 8 am and start studying and end at 11 pm despite being only 10 at the time. I was so freaking stressed and envious of all the other children and went into a depressive spiral where my two options were pass or die. I didn't even have enough practice and I cried my self to sleep on most nights. Anyways, when i did the exam I was deathly calm and even after the exam I was apparently so chill so my parents thought I failed.
I literally left 9 questions on one paper but throughout the summer, everytime I found a dandelion I would make a wish and imagine digging a tunnel to the examiners room where I secretly change my answers into the right ones (lmfao my tiny 10 yr old brain - idek how it worked). Anyways my results were sent back to me a month later on a random October evening and I got a really high mark. Even after 7 years of going to this school I havn't met anyone who has gotten a mark higher than mine.
Curly hair / straight hair
Sigh. We always want things we don't have. When I was younger I had really straight hair like 1A asian hair but when I was like 10, I really wanted curly hair and I would try to curl it often. After a few months, I manifested a curling iron and my hair literally became naturally curly like right after a wash it would curly af when before it was dead straight. Naturally I grew bored of it and I wanted my straight hair back and for ages I began overcomplicating the law and struggled to manifest it. It was only recently when I actually let go of the 3D that I manifested the silky, shiny straight hair.
Social life?
This is also a funny one, just shows how easily you can manifest. So back in 2021 after lockdown I felt so lonely and felt so left out of my friendship group so after a few months I began stressing myself out and spiraling for like 30 minutes, sobbing to myself about how I was so lonely and how nobody loved me (💀). Anyways it became reality, I found myself uncomfortable in many social situations and found myself becoming forgotten far more easily. I don't really remember the details but it was so bad that I think I accidently manifested social anxiety (oh well we still up tho).
However I am a loa girly so I found myself listening to popularity subliminals and slowly (but surely) my mindset change from having no friends to being the most popular girl in the year. Like no joke I became friends with like 3 people from different social circles so at lunchtime we had to join up like 3 different tables so we can all sit together. Overall I got myself 20+ close friends and even my ex friends began to admire me although it had ended badly. Even now, when someone says something thats untrue - for example saying that they are dumb when they are not, they would be like "ahaha so its like when Rae (me) says she has no friends, the whole school knows who Rae is".
Clear skin
This was sort of in the beginning of my loa (law of attraction back then) journey, I just randomly found out what subliminals were and was still quite new to everything. Now I don't even understand how it happened but I had busted some capillaries under my skin and it looked like small red viens under my skin and bro I was freaking out at the time. One night I was like just, I had enough, I'm going to get myself better skin and so I listened to a sub once for 3-4 days and on like the 4th day, my cheeks began to heat up which was odd and the next day it was 90% gone. Just like magikkkk.
Desired university?
Guys. Feeling is the secret. Don't you ever forgot that - not feeling as in emotions but rather the feeling of knowing. I had 2 entrance exams to do to apply for my universities and it was a stressful time where I wasn't getting enough sleep and wasn't eating enough simply because I didn't have the time. Like I come home from school and would have 3-4 hours of homework, then I need to revise for tests and then the remaining time would be spent on the entrance exams. Each past paper took 2 hours and I have around 13s per questions and I was already struggling on time. Anyways, I began to hate them and I would often complain to my mum saying things like "My score got even lower!!" or "I hate it so much" or "My head hurts / eyes hurt".
Guess what? Not only did I see my score decrease over time but I also made such a silly mistake on the most important entrance exam which I needed for 4/5 of my universities. I left a question and completely forgot to mark on the answer so when I finished the section I realised I had one more space on the sheet with like 10s to spare. I didn't have enough time to go back and fix it and lemme say that I did so badly in the test. Even while waiting for results I was just like "ah it would be a miracle if I scored above this bla bla".
I got the score back and it was so freaking bad like I did not stand a chance at my university at all. However, I started to affirm for a place and to my utter shock and surprise my desired university reached out and offered me an interview. I knew people who had like scores which were 50% better than mine and they still got rejected pre-interview. Anyways I began stressing about the interview and the results of the whole thing and boom. I got rejected 3 days after my birthday lmaoo. But its okay because I'm reapplying and I learnt so much more. I'm redoing the entrance exam and my score is a loooot better than it ever was last year.
A key take away would be thoughts are the result of the state you are in. Your dwelling state manifests and I was focusing on the unrealness and the difficultly of getting into this uni and thats what manifested. At the time I was heartbroken and literally went through the 7 stages of grief and spent so many months trying to revise it only for me to focus on the 3D. Just know that everything is done in imagination and it appears in the 3D as a result.
Photographic memory
So this is also something I had manifested before I actually knew about loa but the takeaway here is that manifestation is always instant. I was around 11 reading a random book on my tiny kindle and the book was on how to develop a good memory and I was like ah that'll be useful. Anyways later in the car, I asked my dad about photographic memory and he sort of explained it to me. I just assumed that I have that and I told him I do. He just laughed at me and said thats something that you have to train for and I was not impressed lmao. Inside my tiny brain, I was just like nope, I already have photographic memory and I dropped that thought. Let me tell you, my memory is actually photographic and has helped me out on so many occasions like my brain just takes pictures of things.
Learning fast
This is also something I did before I knew loa, I was just always wondering why the other kids couldn't grasp concepts as easily as I did. Literally in every lesson I would be like ah I learn so fast and now I am actually blessed with the ability to grasp complex subjects so fast. A favourite example of mine would be when I was obsessed with music but to take it to a higher level you need to be able to play an instrument. I couldn't at the time and my teacher told me the requirements a week before the actual deadline. I have never actually played piano with both hands but one day I sat down and worked through the entire song (fur elise by Beethoven) which is a grade 5 (I think) and it normally takes people months / weeks to learn. I learnt the whole thing in 3 days and from then on, I could play piano like I had been doing for ages. Again the memory thing was so helpful because I never actually used any sheet music, I learnt it off a youtube video and I remembered every single note I needed to play.
Hourglass body + 22" waist
This was a couple of years ago when I actually didn't understand loa. Anyways long story short, I would do a 3 minute workout and then flex infront of the mirror all day (💀) and be like omg I have abs. Overtime, I actually got so skinny everyone around me kept pointing it out to me and my mum got so concerned that she took me to the doctor like 4 times. It was so funny, I would loose like 2-3kg overnight and my parents would have to buy better fitting uniform.
Bigger boobs
This was also back in the day (2021?) when I didn't understand how to manifest things easily af. I had an A cup but I wanted better boobies and I listened to like 2 subs for a week and I went to a B cup. But I just assumed I have a bigger cup size recently and I just skipped C and went to D+ (haven't measured in a long time).
I'm not done but I'm tired now bye bye
#loassumption#manifesting#manifesation#loa success#loa tumblr#loa#self concept#void#successstories#void state#affirming loa#void success#neville goddard#law of assumption blog#law of attraction#law of assumption
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Hello there! I was wondering if you would be willing to write a request that I thought up? No pressure of course. I'd love to read your rendition of it but if you don't want to that is absolutely and of course fine.
So I am a pretty emotional person, and especially when I am pmsing or on my period its a very common sight for me to be silently crying over a sad reel or a photo of a puppy or sobbing loudly if I re-read my comfort angsty fic. I really crave physical affection and coddling during my period which sucks cause I live with 2 dormmates who sleep 2 steps away from me and aren't very touchy but are very loving. Like today my friend showed me a photo of her holding a puppy who was nuzzling into her sweatshirt, claws out and hooked in her sleeve and all and ofc I started crying. My other roommate was like don't show it to her she's on her period, she will cry. But then she was like, on second thought do, I enjoy her tears 💀.
On to my actual request now, sorry for rambling 😅
So I was wondering if the reader had a similar tendency with her emotions and hormones around her cycle, how the marauders would deal with it you know? Would they be used to it, asking if its just a leaky faucet to let some emotional pressure out (that happens a lot with me lol) or actual crying. If they would be freaking out no matter how often it happens. Or how they would coddle her.. very curious to see if you pick this up! Thanks for reading nonetheless <3<3
Haha thank you for your request angel <3
cw: reader who menstruates, mention of animals in televion industry, Sirius is not good with tears
poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 644 words
You try not to make a spectacle of yourself. You really do. You hide in the corner of the couch, feeling the burn of your sinuses and eventually letting a couple of tears roll down your face without lifting a hand to wipe them. Your throat squeezes. Your temples ache.
Despite your best efforts, all it takes is one tiny sniffle to get the attention of your boyfriends.
James’ arm tightens around your shoulders. His cheek squishes into your head, voice heavy with sympathy as you both look at the TV. “I know, angel. It ends alright, though, yeah?”
“All he does,” you choke out, watching the dog on the screen through blurry vision, “is wait for his owner to come home every day. That’s his whole life.”
“It’s an advert for dog kibble!” Sirius protests.
You shrug, weeping, and Sirius gives a short laugh tinged with anxiety. Remus sets a hand on his knee.
“Sweetheart,” Remus says gently, “I’m sure that in real life, that dog is very well taken care of. He probably gets plenty of attention and time with his owners. He’s famous, right?”
You nod, though you can’t help a tiny sob as the on-screen dog sits straight up at the sound of a key in the door. “Right.”
“Right.” Remus gives you a kind look. “You okay? Not upset about anything else?”
“Yeah.” You sniffle weakly. “M’okay, just. My head hurts.”
James makes the sort of syrupy pitying sound that has your throat contracting all over again. “Do you think it might be the crying, lovie? It’s not the first time that commercial’s been on today. You could be dehydrated.”
“I don’t know,” you say, quietly. “I don’t think so.”
“I’ll fetch you a paracetamol and some water to be sure.” Remus stands, patting Sirius’ thigh consolingly when the other boy shifts off his lap with the movement. He touches the top of your head as he walks behind the couch, and James kisses the spot as though to second it.
“Baby.” Sirius turns to you with a stern look. “First the Lorax last night, and now this? The ad’s not even on anymore; it’s finished.”
“It’s just…” You swallow, fighting to keep your voice solid. “Do you think all pets feel like that? When their people leave to go to work?”
“No, honey,” James consoles you. “I think they’re happy to amuse themselves while we’re gone.”
“They’re perfectly fine,” says Sirius, not unkindly. “Stop crying.”
“Don’t be mean.” James gathers you closer. “She’s on her period, she’s entitled to some crying.”
“It’s like the hiccups, James. You’ve got to scare it off.”
“That’s barbaric.”
“What’s barbaric is the television industry that keeps making our girlfriend burst into tears at random points in the day!”
“You guys.” You’re nearly laughing now. With tears still wet on your cheeks, Sirius hardly looks comforted. “Don’t fight.”
“We’re not fighting.” James is quick to mollify you.
“Oh, dovey.” Remus returns with your painkillers, bending to wipe your face with a put upon frown. “Are they upsetting you?”
“God, no.” Sirius reclines back against the cushions, blowing a breath up towards the ceiling. “What chance have we of doing that, when there’s wealthy dog actors to do it for us?”
You take the water Remus has brought you, downing the painkiller. “Do you really think the dog gets decent money from the advert?” you ask as he pets your hair dotingly.
James ponders this. “Even if it’s not very much, I’d bet his owners put as much of it back into him as they can. He probably sleeps on a memory foam dog bed.”
Sirius is watching your face distressedly. “Baby,” he nearly pleads. “It’s okay.”
“No, that’s good,” you manage, voice a quiet squeak as your eyes fill again. “I just think that’s a really nice life for him. He deserves it.”
#poly!marauders#poly!marauders x reader#poly marauders#poly marauders x reader#poly!marauders x fem!reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders x y/n#poly!marauders x self insert#poly!marauders fanfiction#poly!marauders fanfic#poly!marauders fic#poly!marauders fluff#poly!marauders imagine#poly!marauders drabble#poly!marauders blurb#poly!marauders scenario#james potter#james potter x reader#sirius black#sirius black x reader#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#poly!marauders oneshot#the marauders#marauders x reader#marauders era#hp marauders
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Thoughts on Jack's dream(MASSIVE main story spoilers ahead)
JACKS DREAM got me by the thROAT bc the more I analyze it the more angsty it feels and I alreadfy sobbed n cried and I must SCREAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM He's dreaming of the magift tournament but basically if..... if Leona's plan never took place....... If Leona actually WERE the hero Jack has idolized...... 😭
First I gotta take note dosodkgkfdgjdfkghfdjk hOW JACK YEARNS FOR HIS SENPAI'S PRAISE AND AFFECTION 🥺🥺truly the epitome of loyal, puppy-like behavior..... It doesn't take much for him to be happy… He yearns for the respect and acknowledgement of those he admires. He craves respect and recognition, but not only that—he genuinely wants to see those he admires thrive.
Seems to me that what Jack longs for most is a sense of belonging within a pack. He’s not just devoted to those he holds in high regard; he also desires to be cared for in return (This becomes even more apparent when he asks Ruggie to act as a mentor or older-brother figure in his dorm uniform vignette.) Jack's actions reflect his innate wolf nature—a being built for connection, loyalty, and mutual protection. No matter how much he tells himself or others how he prefers to handle things on his own… We can clearly see that Jack is happier when he’s part of a team, fighting alongside companions who’ve got his back. It’s the dynamic balance of trust: to protect and be protected, to rely on others and let them rely on him in return. It deeply resonates with the essence of wolves.
We often hear the phrase “lone wolf,” an expression of grudging admiration. A lone wolf is often viewed as a rugged individualist, uncompromising and independent, driven to forge his own path, unfettered by the sentimental need for companionship. In reality, few people would ever want to live this way—and, as it turns out, few wolves would either. Wolves, males and females alike, may go through periods alone, but they’re not interested in lives of solitude. A lone wolf is a wolf that is searching, and what it seeks is another wolf. Everything in a wolf’s nature tells it to belong to something greater than itself: a pack. Like us, wolves form friendships and maintain lifelong bonds. They succeed by cooperating, and they struggle when they’re alone. Like us, wolves need one another. (source)
Which is why the factual reality cuts so deeply.
After Ortho wakes Jack up (in oUTER SPACE DKJGDSDKFJGKJS that was so adventitious but so cool.....) and Jack falls down like a meteorite (ALSO SUPER COOL BUT WTF.....) Fake!Leona and Fake!Ruggie rush to his side, Leona softly reassures him, saying it’s a relief he’s uninjured and advising him not to be so reckless while Ruggie says ''You're a promising rookie. Our treasure.'' (I started crying here.)
Jack breaks into a bitter, despairing laugh as the truth crashes down on him. The sincerity and warmth his “upperclassmen” showed in that moment? It wasn’t real. It never actually happened. Jack recounts his excitement when he first joined Savanaclaw, eager to fight alongside the dormmates he admired so much. He talks about how he had watched Leona’s play three years ago—over and over again, captivated by it. He reveals the painful truth of discovering their wicked plan, the frustration of being unable to snap them out of it, and the overwhelming helplessness that consumed him.
I gotta say, I'm SO HAPPY that Jack's feelings on the events of book 2 were finally properly addressed now (cause let's be real, book 2 uhh... did kinda a shitty job at this 💀 Neither the narrative nor the fandom really took the time to explore the emotional impact it had on him, which is such a disservice to his character.)
Think about it from Jack’s perspective. He was obsessed with Leona's play 3 years ago, watching it over and over again. In his eyes, Leona was a hero, someone worth idolizing to the point of projecting an idealized image of him: an earnest, hardworking, honorable leader. When Jack finally had the chance to join Savanaclaw and be part of the dorm he had admired so deeply, what was his reality? Ostracization, bullying and even physical violence from some of his dorm mates (as shown in Leona's dorm uniform vignette) And worst of all? Jack was met with his idol’s true, treacherous side—dirty tactics, underhanded schemes, and a willingness to harm others to achieve his goals. When Jack tried to confront them about it, he wasn’t met with understanding or respect. Instead, he was called a “filthy traitor” and a “spoiled brat”—by the very person he admired most. It’s a complete dismantling of everything Jack believed in, everything he worked for.
It's a shame the game and manga did not give enough weight to Jack’s feelings, (the novel seems to do a better job at it though) but now it’s clear just how much this hurt him. It wasn’t just a setback; it was a deep, personal betrayal that shook him to his core.
He’s only a first-year. Beneath his gruff demeanor and physical strength, Jack is still a boy—pure-hearted, earnest, and full of hope. All he wanted was to stand beside those he respected most but what he got instead was disappointment, betrayal, and rejection. To idolize someone so deeply, only to have that image crushed in the most personal, gut-wrenching way........ Savanaclaw doesn't deserve him 💔
.
,,,,okay forgive me to break the essay to talk about this but I'm going insane over the fact fake Ruggie ominously coos, ''Hey puppy-chan you're a good boy so come here.....'' UGHGHHHDSHNGDSHNDGSHHHnnnnhhHHHH HE IS BASICALLY SAVANACLAW'S UNOFFICIAL MASCOT,,,,,,, their loyal little puppy 🥺🥺🥺😭😭
fake ruggie and fake leona try to lure him in to sleep again, but Jack says he has no intention of fighting alongside fakes and defeats them 😌
And we get this utterly precious moment where Jack praises Yuu and Grim for having guts and persevering through everything and he PETS GRIM'S HEAD............ HE DIDN'T NEED TO COMFORT THEM BUT AWWAAHBBBAYYAWYWYHAWWABYWAWAYAA
I can't wait to see what role he'll play in Leona's dream 😌 Jack’s arc feels like it’s finally getting the weight it deserves… 🙏🙏🙏
#twisted wonderland#twst spoilers#twst book 7#jack howl#leona kingscholar#ruggie bucchi#savanaclaw#shakes shaeskshakesshaks you IM LOSGIN MY MIND..........#JACK PETTED MY HEADD TOOOOOOO NOT JUST GRIMS!! *inhales copium*#THIS UPDATE WAS SO GOOD 🙏#thank you for giving me tiny itty crumbs......#unrelated but the moment when leona said ''you woke up.....poor thing'' uhh that was 😳😳😳incrediblhy..........ghghghrhgrrrrr hgoroh#you know at his breakdown i couldn't stop thinking of a line from phantom of the opera that fits him so much at that moment#“farewell my fallen idol and false friend. we had such hopes but now those hopes lay murdered”#jack and leonas relationship is so complex i love them so much :(((
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Inanimate Insanity dash simulator (pre ep 16) (i will do more of this if this goes well probably)
🪁 inanimateinsanityfan Follow
does anyone ever get so tired they start seeing spiders lol
💼 su1tcas3 Follow
me when i lay down and hallucinate the horrors lmfao
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what
💼 su1tcas3 Follow
Oh so this is not a safe place suddenly
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as an unbiased outsider im cheering for them both ^^ im so excited for the finale!!!!!!!!!!!
#idk what i'll do when this ends tbh #like damn. #we'll cross that bridge when we get to it!!
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💡 brightestlight Follow
any couple can be gay if they are bisexual and their genders are weird enough
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why did you post this directly after talking to me and test tube
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lightbulb why did y
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🎤 mic-row-phoen Follow
when you want to ask someone about something but the trek is IMPOSSIBLE and you will DIE (hes downstairs setting up a party im just scared)
🍊 orange-got-juiced Follow
i am not giving you the aux to play green day at the party
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:(
🍊 orange-got-juiced Follow
ok. two songs
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🎀 rain-bowz Follow
when a fake girl tryna act like me but im the only one there is
⚙️ rowbotted Follow
REAL!!!!!
🎀 rain-bowz Follow
who are you.
📄pageperrr Follow
hey didnt you die. or something
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🌮absolutleynot-taco Follow
hey anyone know where pickle is haha. anyone know his room number or amything lol like it would justs be fun to know,,, hagaha,,,, yeagh
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🏆awinners-trophy Follow
imagine using a run down website that hasnt been relevant in YEARS. you all need to get off and go touch some grass or something jfc
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you're literally using it?
🏆awinners-trophy Follow
kill yourself
#you used to be cool man
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🎈coldairballoon Follow
i drew some vent art about old stuff.. im better now!! im just letting off some steam haha
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this is so cringe
🎈coldairballoon Follow
you're cringe.
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trophy just ran to the bathroom sobbing
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🌽 official-meeple-ceo Follow
greetings tumbler! i an steve cobs, C.E.O of the meeple company. i am looking to get in contact with a mephone! specifically mephone 4. (model 4s) any help is greatly appreciated!
🖌️ brushedpaint Follow
go back to twitter vro 💀
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trying a healthier outlook on life!! i'll tell yall how it goes!!
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failed
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failed
⚾ thegrandslammer Follow
failed
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i miss egg :( i wonder where the other one the aliens mentioned went. i hope it found a parent that loves it as much as i loved egg. i mean i wasnt the best parent but uh you get what i mean
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😜
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???????
🪁 inanimateinsanityfan Follow
??????????what??????????
#why is steve cobs on tumblr get off
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🕯 innerflamed Follow
i need a boyfriend except he's not a boyfriend and is just some weird british guy i drag around with me everywhere
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diversity win!! corrupt capitalist CEO of multimillion dollar company steve cobs is bisexual!
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who informed you of this.
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I WAS??? JOKING??????
#GUYS??? #STEVE COBS GAY ICON??? #HOLY SHIT #IM SCREAMING ITS HIS OFFICIAL ACCOUNT ITS NOT A GIMMIC #meeple
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💡 brightestlight Follow
as a member of the lgbt we do not accept steve cobs
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even when he changes the meeple logo to a rainbow during pride month we dont accept him
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☯ ringinginthenewyear Follow
just to clarify yang posted this not me -yin
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steve cobs being bi and accidentally admitting to it on tumblr was not on my 2024 bingo card ???????
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you'll be first.
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what
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#ii#inanimate insanity#inanimate insanity fanart#ii mephone4#ii 15#ii 16#ii 16 spoilers#inanimate insanity spoilers#inanimate insanity 2#fake dashboard#fake dash#steve cobs#ii fan#ii fantube#taco ii#yinyang ii#bow ii#ii suitcase
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The right ones.
Pic credits
Pairing: Soft!Joel Miller x reader, no outbreak (Sarah is alive and well)
Summary: Joel buys you pads. ‘Cause Joel provides, you know, no matter the situation.
Tags: established relationship, pet names (baby, honey), reader has period and hair, no other description is given, mention of period symptoms, mention of cramps, mention of pads, mention of Sarah, flirting, kissing, Joel is a sweet pookie bear, I think that’s all? It’s just some tiny little fluff I wrote because I’m about to get my period and I need some comfort 🥲
I tried to write it in a neutral way so that every person who menstruates can identify with it, I hope I succeeded. (if you think there are things that need to be changed, just tell me and I'll do it ❤️)
English is not my first language, no beta and no proofreading so any mistake is all my fault, I’m sorry 💀
Thanks to anyone who will read this!
Archive tags: @pedrostories ♥️
Your cell phone rings.
“Hey! What’s up, honey?”
“Um… listen, which ones did you say you need?”
“The ones with wings, Joel. Blue box, second shelf from the bottom.”
Usually you are the one who takes care of groceries and hygiene products shopping and by now you know by heart where they are.
“Mh…” you can see him. In the middle of the aisle, frowning, one hand on his hip and the other one holding the phone, one knee slightly forward, as he tries to maneuver through the boxes, they must all look the same to him.
“The ones that say ‘night, with wings, extra long’,” you add to try to help him.
Silence follows, several deep breaths, an undertone of exasperation, you bite your lower lip to keep from bursting out laughing. You don’t want to make fun of him, he’s trying hard to make it right.
He offered to do it for you this morning while you were in the bathroom and you discovered that not only had your period decided to come early but you were also almost out of pads.
You let out a sigh and cursed, “Oh damn!” You were in a foul mood, the cramps were making you squirm, your head was hurting, your back was tormenting you.
He was getting dressed, clearly heard you and asked worried “what’s wrong?”
You walked out of the bathroom with your head down and one hand on your stomach feeling miserable “UGH, my stupid period came and I’m running out of pads”
You sat on the bed and grabbed your phone from the nightstand as a terrible nausea hit you, and you called out of work saying you were sick.
His large hand caressed your face as he leaned down to kiss you.
“I’ll go to the supermarket during lunch break,” he said softly “Stay in bed and rest, okay?”
“Thank you so much” you said, lying down on the bed again and burying your face into your pillow, feeling cramps clawing inside you “you’re the absolute best”
He leaned to kiss your cheek and then left the house to reach the construction site.
—————
He had done it for Sarah one of the first times she had her period and he had bought the wrong type, the thick and bulky ones, she had looked at the box with a downhearted expression that had made his heart sink.
“Those aren't the ones I wanted, Dad! I told you extra thin!” She screamed at him between sobs.
Joel felt like a good-for-nothing.
Making Sarah cry was terrible for him.
He later discovered that his daughter's tantrum was also a side effect of her period and Sarah had apologized to him but Joel still felt that he was the one who had to apologize for his lone wolf status that didn't allow him to have someone by his side to ask for help.
He would have liked to fall in love, yet he had to make it on his own, he certainly didn’t have time to date between work and all the other things he had to take care of. Being a single dad was a full time job.
After that, Joel had memorized the type that Sarah liked best but she had always conveniently made sure to stock up every time they went to the supermarket.
It had been many years since he had bought them for her and he found himself back at square one. Packages are so different, he could swear there are a dozen new ones he's never seen before.
He pinches his nose, takes a deep breath and then he sees it, just like you described it.
"I found them!" you hear him say enthusiastically "I'll be there soon"
"Good job! I'll be waiting for you, love" you coo.
He grabs the box and he goes to the checkout.
You hang up the phone wondering if he really has the ones you want but in any case you’re already grateful that he used his lunch break to bring them to you.
When he met you he was convinced he would be alone forever.
You had reopened his heart little by little, with patience, without pushing him to do or say what he wasn't ready for yet and he had rediscovered himself as a man capable of loving and in need of receiving it. He was grateful for this, he’s madly in love with you and wants to do everything he can to help you in every circumstance.
————————
Joel has quietly entered your room and find you asleep.
He sits on the bed trying not to wake you.
Your hair spread out on the pillow, your face relaxed, your mouth slightly agape and your hand hanging loosely next to your face… you are so beautiful he can’t believe it. He’s the luckiest man in the world and the least he can do is bring you the right damn box. He leave the bag on your nightstand, kisses you on the temple and goes to the kitchen to make some sandwiches.
You wake up after a couple of minutes and see the bag so you grab it to look inside.
Bingo.
Joel wasn’t wrong, they are exactly the ones you wanted. And you find your favorite chocolate bar in it too.
You hear him humming softly in the kitchen so you get up to go and congratulate your hero.
“Hey, gorgeous!” he says to you as soon as he sees you at the kitchen door. “How are you feeling?”
“Better.” you say, stretching your arms. Luckily the painkiller you took worked.
“I’m happy to hear that. Go back to bed, I’ll bring you a sandwich in a bit” You move closer and wrap your arms around his waist, leaning against his back as he spreads mayo on the bread.
“You don’t have to do all this, but thank you” you whisper “I love you so much” His body is warm and welcoming, you bury your face in his plaid shirt inhaling his woody scent, so familiar and seductive.
Joel is like that, he had never been good with words, his love language is gestures. And he makes tons of them, constantly, small and big. He remembers which flowers you like best, he brings you Chinese food when you tell him you had a bad day, he watches your romantic comedies with you even if they bore him, he lets you choose the music in the car even if he's old school and you're belting out Billie Eilish and Chappell Roan these days, if something in the house broke, you find it repaired the next day without even asking.
“I love you too” he says, dropping the knife on the counter and placing his hands on yours, holding you close.
“You got the right ones, I'm proud of you” you tell him softly.
He turns to kiss you “Good, I’m glad I could help”
The tip of your tongue grazes his lips and you gently make your way into his mouth, moaning against him while he fills his hands with your ass squeezing it.
“Mmm baby, don't provoke me, I don't have much time left before coming back to work unfortunately"
“We can always have a quickie, they say orgasms help with cramps, you know” you say in a slightly pleading voice, looking at his big brown beautiful eyes through your eyelashes.
“Oh well then if it's for a good cause…” he replies huskily.
“And then you deserve a prize”
“I also got you some chocolate, did you see?”
“Oh yes” you say grabbing him by the shirt and dragging him into the bedroom “I saw it and I love it, but I crave something else sweet right now”
Joel chuckles as he follows you into your shared bedroom “such a dirty little thing you are”
#pedro pascal#joel miller#the last of us#joel the last of us#joel miller x reader#joel miller drabble#drabble#joel tlou#joel miller fanfiction#fanfic#joel miller fluff#fluff#joey buys you pads#period cramps#period sex
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cw: non-consensual spanking, humiliation, hairbrush spanking, reader has hair
This took me hours😭💀💔... I just wanted an excuse to get spanked, thought about it for a long time and decided to write humiliation + spanking for arrogant reader. That's my favorite type, enjoy!
-
Capitano has his own standards for justice, morality, and honor. Punish others…in a special way. Doesn't sound ethical, does it? But what if there is a valid reason? Correct others and stop them from going further down the wrong path. Especially, you. You are young and energetic, have outstanding strength, and respect the Queen. The Queen cherishes and favors you for this reason, and bestows you with status. But- you always disrespected him, crossing your arms over your chest, mocking him. The other Fatui are shocked by your boldness.
Being spoiled. He doesn't want to argue with you at all. Just pat you on the head and leave. You looked even more annoyed, frowning. Damselette was amused and covered her mouth. She also added fuel to the fire by taking you and Dottore for afternoon tea, secretly gossiping about Capitano while the restaurant singer sang. You are filled with indignation. Dottore nodded in agreement, tapping notes on the table with his fingers and raising his lips at the same time. Capitano can take action immediately when facing an enemy, but for you… what should he do? He needs to think about it carefully. He didn't want to crush the Queen's hopes and burn out her remaining love and kindness.
And you are not a cruel enemy. You're just…too naive. Sometimes when he closes his eyes, your face will appear. You weren't so rude to him back then…
The turning point was that special mission. Capitano needs to work with you. You reluctantly responded, but you ignored his orders and were caught by the enemy. He had to get you back. Those enemies were reduced to ashes.
Capitano snapped at you. Past experience is the basis for you to underestimate him. You wanted to apologize, but you felt embarrassed. You met his gaze defiantly, but this time…no one was spoiling you anymore. He took off his gloves, then forcibly grabbed the glowing vision around your waist and threw it aside. "What are you doing! You scoundrel!" Scoundrel. You have to learn manners and respect from now on. The world was spinning, and the next second you were thrown into his lap, with a buzzing in your ears. The buttocks touch the cold air. He-he took off your clothes? "What do you want to do!? I will report you!"
An unexpected slap. Intense pain. Your pupils constricted and you clenched your hands on his pants, the muscles in your calves tensing. Spanking? How dare he spank you? You are an adult! You struggled, but Capitano's palms pressed against your waist. Just that is enough to render you completely immobile. Uninterrupted and brutal slaps landed on your buttocks, leaving traces of the slaps.
"Stop…ah…stop this!" Twenty, twenty-one, thirty. He alternates smacking you left and right, never sparing either side. It hurts so much. The curses faded into messy sobs and whimper.
Your tears were shining, and your hands were helplessly wiping away the tears, but you always endured the impact of those slaps and stopped yourself from begging for forgiveness. The Queen was right in telling you to listen to Capitano. You really can't resist him. "…I-I…you…bad guy…"
Then the slaps just… stopped like this. Your eyelashes with teardrops were still trembling, and you breathed a sigh of relief. Is the torture over? You didn't ask for mercy. Did you win? you win-
"Do you need a paddle?" the deep voice asked with authority. You are petrified. Paddle? Thick paddle? You shook your head and sniffled again, shame burning your cheeks. "Good, then apologize for your arrogance and rudeness."
You grit your teeth. "I'm not going to-" You're not going to lose.
"Um, use your hairbrush then." Capitano pulled open your bedside table and searched for it for a few seconds before finding it. He looked at you with some condescension and adjusted your position so that your swollen butt was facing upwards towards the ceiling. Hairbrush? You didn’t even know that a hairbrush has such uses…
The impact of a hairbrush is special. Screams left your throat, tears welling up in your eyes and you started kicking your legs to relieve the pain. Eight, nine, ten…fifteen. Especially since it was your hairbrush, the thing you used to brush your hair every morning, it added a layer of humiliation. You taste the regret and tears, how could there be such an evil thug like him who keeps spanking you!
"You get what you deserve…" he responded. "Maybe I should have done that from the beginning, when you first talked back to me."
"Apologise. Maybe I'll forgive you," he warned. "Or you get spanked every day. Your choice."
Eighteen, Nineteen-
Twenty.
There seemed to be no end to the punishment, and you burst into tears and broke down. "Sorry, I'm sorry for everything!"
The hairbrush threatened to drop again, but didn't. As always, Capitano never tortured any of his enemies who surrendered. He carefully lifted you up and placed you on his legs. You lowered your head, whimpering, and snuggled into his arms weakly, listening to the vivid heartbeat. His arms crossed your armpits, maintaining the hugging position.
You really didn’t want to admit it… you didn’t hate Capitano, you could even say you admired him. It's just that one day, you find out that he treats other members the same way, or even treats others better. He is always upright and courageous. You wonder if he'll react differently, if he'll look irritated…but then, you're just seeking his attention. Your acting skills deceived yourself.
And now are the consequences. You were actually humiliated, completely. Humiliated by the one who is always righteous.
"But if it's up to me…" You suggested to the Queen, but felt the warning gaze behind you and shuddered. "…I'm sorry, Your Majesty. Maybe I am not capable of such a task."
Tsaritsa narrowed her eyes, her icy eyes scanning you and Capitano back and forth, but her smile was as warm as the sunshine in winter. "You've grown a lot in just a few days. You two work well together."
"Yes, this is your Majesty's kindness." You bowed your head and complimented.
After leaving the palace, you snorted and crossed your arms, deliberately irritating him. "Don't think I'm afraid of you now. I just...oh, I remembered my date with Tartaglia. I'm going now, bye."
You trotted towards the orange-haired harbinger, and he greeted you with a smile and silly jokes. Capitano stares at you without saying a word.
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KEEP MY HEART
goal 30: something wrong
NOTES: this took longer than i thought 💀 anw it was more tamed than i imagined omg yay!! ^^
Scaramouche thought the car ride home was plenty suffocating, but nothing could compare to how heavy the air was once he got home with his mother.
An extensive home that is reasonably far from other neighboring houses, with a spacious lot surrounding the house itself. It could've been such a perfect home — if not for the two broken people living in it.
As his mother remained silent while the two of them exited the car, Scaramouche thought he had at least the whole night to prepare for his mother's outburst. Alas, they haven't even made it to the front door yet, and he had already started hearing something.
"Kunikuzushi."
He merely turned to her, not even saying a word.
"Just what happened?" Scaramouche could not get something from his mother's voice at all. She wasn't yelling — it would be out of character for her to do so anyway. But she obviously wasn't happy either. But at least it wasn't that cold, too?
At a loss for words, the young man forced himself to focus his gaze on one random thing, perhaps the grass peacefully lying on their front yard.
'I'll just have to let her say anything and everything she wants to say, and I'll say nothing. And then tomorrow, we'll just continue like nothing happened,' he thought.
And so he did, letting his mother's words pass through one ear to the other. 'How can you let yourself play like that', 'how can you allow people to see you like that', 'just what would they say about you now', 'this isn't what we trained for'... Nothing he wasn't used to. It was all alright. He can go through another sermon session just fine.
Until he was knocked out of his stupor by a certain statement from his mother.
"Perhaps I should've gotten between you and that companion of yours I saw in the freedom wall. I think she is distracting you, maybe you should stay away from her."
A sudden surge of rage came over him, prompting him to finally meet eyes with his own mother. Ei was slightly taken aback, not used to receiving such a hateful look from her one and only son.
"What?"
The woman could not utter a response, still in shock at the state her son is in. She was so used to him being so indifferent whenever they talk, making it seem as if her advices and sermons have no effect at the slightest.
Meanwhile, Scaramouche, at the lack of response from his mother, could not stop himself anymore.
Scaramouche felt like a balloon — thinned, worn out, and keeping too much inside.
Much more than he could handle.
And his mother's words that night felt like a sharpened needle.
"Why the fuck do I always have to do what you tell me?" He finally snapped.
"What?"
"Can't you see that I'm trying?! And yet you always see something!" Scaramouche gritted his teeth.
"You always see something to criticize! You always see something like a flaw! You always see something wrong!" He yelled, shortly followed by a bitter laugh. "Heck, maybe you even consider my birth to be something wrong."
A swift slap cut him off.
Somehow, the physical pain inflicted by his mother got him out of his continuous outbursts, replacing his seething anger with shock. No matter how cold and strict his mother was, she had never gotten physical with him.
Refusing to believe what just happened, a wondering Scaramouche looked back up to his mother's face — only to see her eyes dripping and her cheeks stained.
'Are those tears?'
'My mother... crying?'
"How could you say something like that Kunikuzushi?"
"How can you treat your life so lightly like that?" Ei sobbed. "Your birth wasn't something wrong — it was the most beautiful thing that happened to me."
The young man just stared at her, probably in disbelief.
"You are my son, a part of me, something even more important than myself —"
"— and that's why I never wish to see you hurt."
"Hah," Scaramouche scoffed. "Really?"
The man could not do anything but laugh ironically. She doesn't want to see him hurt, she says?
'I hate to break it to you mom, but you've been doing that for so long.'
How many lies would she feed him tonight?
"I don't want you to suddenly commit a mistake while playing, put yourself to shame, and be unnecessarily criticized and judged heavily." The purple-haired woman said. "And if that happens? Then what? You'll be so affected by all the backlash, and then you'll finally lose yourself?"
Scaramouche swore he never expected to see his mother cry so hard. In fact, crying was one of the things he thought his mother was incapable of doing. But what was she saying?
Where is she getting all this from?
"What?"
"I don't want anyone precious to me to ever experience that again."
"What the heck are you talking about, mom?"
It was a slip of the tongue, unconsciously going back to what he once used to call the woman in front of him. A slip of the tongue that he failed to catch, but did not go past his own mother, whose memories of the days when he used to call her 'mom' flashed by her eyes.
But before she could even explain herself, someone else made their presence known.
"Your mother had a sister, you see."
It was Yae.
His mother's old friend.
“Have you ever heard of Makoto?” The pink-haired lady asked. Scaramouche could not see the relevance of her question, but he decided to humor her nonetheless. “Who?”
“My twin sister.”
“You had a sister?!”
Scaramouche thought he knew a lot about his mother. But really, is he even qualified to say that he knew her if he knew nothing about her past before having him? Everything he knew about Ei were memories of them together. Her being a loving mother to him when he was little, her having Yae as her only friend, her suddenly changing her parental practices once he started his soccer career — all of them were memories of her after his existence.
Only now did he realize he never knew anything about his mother’s past.
Yae sighed. “How is he ever going to understand if you never told him about Makoto, Ei?”
“It’s too dark of a story. He might not be able to handle it.”
“And you think he can handle your coldness and strictness forever?”
“What, do you want me to discourage my son from his dreams of being a top soccer player by telling him that my twin sister fucked up on a game just once, got so many backlash and became the people’s punching bag, went depressed up to the point that she couldn’t handle it anymore and eventually lost herself?” Ei spat out. “I don’t want to scare him off from achieving his dreams, but I can’t also risk the possibility of him having the same experience as my sister.”
What the fuck?
Merely processing the things he was hearing already required so much from the young man. He could not bear to disturb the conversation between the two ladies, lest there are still some things he should hear.
“So you set high expectations for him?”
“It was the only way I thought of.”
“Have you ever considered the thought that you yourself may actually be ruining his dreams for him?”
“What?” Ei turned her gaze to Scaramouche for a moment, allowing her to once again notice the state that her son was in. Trembling hands clenched into fists, focused yet glossy eyes, and brows furrowed — she couldn’t tell if they were out of fury or confusion. Perhaps it was both.
“You are making your son hate that dream of his that you sought to protect with the way you are treating him, Ei.” Yae walked towards the young man and lightly tapped his shoulder. “What this kid wants is to have fun playing, not play under constant expectations and strictness from his mother.”
Scaramouche looked up at her, who only smiled at him in return. “Isn’t that right, Kunikuzushi?”
He turned his face away from her and immediately swatted her hand from his shoulder. “What would you know about what I want?”
“Oh? But was I wrong?” She grinned. “No response? I must’ve been right then.”
“Shut up.”
“You’re just salty I’m right.”
“I am not?” The guy scowled. “Stop making things up you annoying hag —“
“Uh, excuse me?! What hag?!”
A certain purple-haired woman remained all throughout the banter between her son and her friend. When was the last time her son spoke to her without reservations like that? No, when was the last time they even had a proper conversation, one where he isn’t replying with words not even amounting to a handful?
“Ei, I want to ask you something.” A voice brought her out of her trance. “How do the other players on your team look whenever they practice and play?”
“Tired.” Ei described exactly how the boys on the team looked whenever they were on the field. Their whole beings drenched in sweat, their limbs trembling, their breaths hurried.
But despite everything, she remembered that they were having fun.
“But were they having fun?”
“They were.”
“And how does your own son look whenever he’s on the field?”
For the first time that night, absolute silence reigned over their abode’s front yard.
“See?” The pink-haired woman smiled. “Don’t you want Kunikuzushi to have the same experience as everybody else on your team?”
For the first time, Scaramouche heard the two words he thought he would never ever hear coming out from his mother’s mouth.
“I’m sorry.”
KEEP MY HEART — scara x reader smau
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