#but no they gave him a different arrangement of her song

[eyeofthebrainstorm]

Forever mad about how well Strange New Worlds understood the assignment on the musical episode but then how poorly it executed it.

That said APOLOGIES THE MOST CONFOUNDING THING ....

[justmymindandstuff]

melting Ice - Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Summary: You are about to marry Aemond Targaryen. Your arrival at the Reed Keep is greeted with coldness and you have a hard time settling in and coming to terms with marrying into this strange family. But after a restless evening you can't take it anymore and go to talk to Aemond. This evening brings you and your betrothed a little closer as he lets you see behind his facade.

Words: 2.971

Warnings: angst?, arranged marriage, insecure Aemond

A/N: Frist time writing Aemond // English is not my first

language// no beta reader// Gif not mine // no use of Y/N// AO3

I hope you like this :)

You crawl through your stuff. You've been back in Red Keep for a week, but your belongings are not all unpacked jet.

The hot summer air radiate through the stones of your new home and you whipe away a few drops of sweat from your brows. You miss the light briese that always go through your cambers in  Casterly Rock. The heat in Kings Landing is muggy and brings the stank from the city and not the fresh air of the sea. But you're gonna have to get used to it.

It's unlikely you'll ever see your home again. Not once you're married. This is the fate of thousands of Ladies in the seven Kingdomes . You all get shipped of to marry and never come back home.

For your betrothed you are a burden. You're back here for a week and maybe you exchanged two sentences with the prince. He was in no way rude, but neither was he really warm. You got the feeling it was more of a inconvenient for him than anything else. He doesn´t want to spend any minute with you. He ignored your invitations to go for a walk or for a afternoon tea.

You sigh. At least you won't marry a man who could be your father or grandfather. No, you're the future bride of Aemond Targaryen. Prince of the Seven Kingdoms. Maybe you have luck with your husbands age. And you will become a princess. That's the dream of thousands of young ladies, and you can live it. From the outside it sounds perfect. Like a song.

The reality is different.

In reality, you are a pawn in the game of power, securing the loyalty and armies of your family for the Targaryens.

This marriage is a reward for years of service from your family.

Instead he dumped you on his sister. Helaena, a sweet girl who is fixated on insects and with her thoughts everywhere except in the here and now. But she was the only one that makes you feel you are welcome here. She was the one who showed you around and invited you to tea, go on picnics, walk in the gardens or do handicrafts. She also introduced you to her twins. Sweet children that you can't keep apart yet.

The Queen only gave you a cold smile and explained her wedding preparations to you, she didn´t ask for you opinion of your wedding. But you think that´s the way your life is from now on.

Aegon, your future brother in law is an arrogant prince who likes to drink and spend his time with whores. Not one nice word comes over his lip just a rude remark about your appearance as the whole family greets you after your arrival.

You close your eyes, take a deep breath and rub your temple to get rid of the slight headache.

At Casterly Rock you felt trapped. A golden cage guarded by lions. Your cage is still there, only now you're being guarded by dragons.

And for a little while you had hope. When you were younger, you went to King's Landing with your mother to get to know your future husband. He was a sweet, almos shy boy, with a kind smile who had discussed history with you for hours or dance with you at a picnic. You thought your stupid girls dreams were coming true.

Is this your life now? Lonely and alone surrounded by strangers?

This is not how you imagined it all. You've known half your life that you would be Aemond's wife. The betrothal was make when you were just a little girl. And of course you were excited to become a princess. Your stupid little girl dreams were full of romance, love and your knightly prince with blonde hair.

But now there is nothing left of the boy from your memories.

Will your marriage be like this? Married to a stranger?

Aemond Targaryen had grown into a cold man who had an almost dangerous aura around him and observed everything with an arrogant distance.

The sweet smile you remembered is gone. You're sure he hasn't smiled in years.

You put a few of your writing utensils on your desk. Your thoughts go to the letters you wrote to Ameond over the years, but one day he just stopped answering you. Did you do something wrong?

Was this marriage doomed to failure from the beginning?

You sigh again and try to push your thoughts from the past away.

It had been a sunny day that slowly turned into a beautiful evening. The setting sun is still shining in your window. You've already had your dinner with your mother and now there's nothing left for you to do. But you are restless. The thoughts of your future life do not allow you to find peace. Gods you are a Lannister from Casterly Rock. A lion! And not a decorative piece that gets ignored and sidelined. Aemond shows no interest in you and you want to know why. The question of what you did wrong haunts you. In your home you were always surrounded by friends, the lords who visited your family praised your kindness and your beauty. You enjoy reading and you are sure that you are a pleasant conversation partner. However, your future husband seems to prefer to ignore you.

You feel lonely. As lonely as you've never been in your life.

No! Your life won't be like that! You refuse to accept this. If Aemond wants to ignore you, he has to give you a good reason for it.

You straighten your back and smooth down your skirts. With quick steps you reach the door and leave your chambers.

"My lady, where do you intent to go?" the guard at your door asks.

"I'm visiting my betrothed." you answer without stopping. The guard follows right behind you.

"You have been instructed not to leave your chambers alone."

"I am not alone. You are with me."

"But my lady..."

"Enough." you just interrupt him. You definitely won't let him change your mind. You will talk to Aemond! But after a few steps you stop. You don't know where the prince's chambers are. You turn slightly to face the guard.

"Where are the prince's chambers?" you ask.

"I must ask you to return to your chambers."

You grimace. "You swore to serve House Targaryen Correct?"

"Yes my lady."

"In a fortnight I will be a Princess of House Targaryen. So you also swore to serve me."

"But my lady.."

"Please."

The guard shifts from one foot to the other and shakes his head slightly. "I have instructions..."

"Fine. Don't help me, I'll just find the way on my own. I hope you're willing to follow me through the Red Keep all night." You turn around sharply to continue walking.

"The other way. Here." you hear after a few steps behind you. You turn around again and look in the direction the guard points .

You give him a smile. "Thank you very much."

You follow his directions and a short time later you find yourself in front of the prince's chambers. You take a deep breath and then knock firmly on the door. It takes a moment and you are invited in. As you attempt to open the door, your guard takes a few steps forward to follow you. "I want to talk to him alone."

"My lady it is inappropriate, you need a chaperone."

"Do you doubt your prince's honor?"

"Of course not!"

"So."

"But my Lady..."

You sigh. "I know I'm not making your job easy today, but I promise to do better. Just not today. I just want one private conversation with the prince. Please."

Now it's his turn to sigh. "I'll wait outside the door. Right infront the door."

"Of course. Thank you." You open the door and enter the prince's chambers. Aemond is sitting on one of the sofas, there is a cup of wine on the table next to him and there is an old book on his lap whose title you can't see. When he sees you he stands up surprised.

"My Lady." he says confused. You close the door behind you and curtsy slightly. You hope he doesn't insist that you curtsy every time you see him after your wedding, but that's not the topic of tonight. Tonight you want an answer.

“Is something troubeling you?” He sounds cold and not really interested, but you push aside the nagging feeling of insecurity. Maybe that was a bad idea after all? But you're here now. Now there is no turning back.

"Yes, something is bothering me." you answer. You are a lion of Casterly Rock. Hear Me Roar! these are your words. And you will show this dragon that you cannot be ignored. Aemond looks at you with a cold expression.

"How can I help you?" he asks annoyed. He's making it clear to you that he doesn't want you here. But you just ignore that. He ignores you, so you can ignore his wishes. You take a deep breath and straight yourself up. You make yourself taller than you are and scrape up all your self-confidence together.

"You do not like me." you say. Aemond's expression changes just for a second, then he wears his cold mask again. You hold his gaze.

"I do not know you." he then says. The bored tone makes you angry.

"And that's your fault." you throw at him. The prince rolls his eye.

"Did you come here to insulte me?"

You bite your lip. "No." you say quietly. "I want to know why you don't like me. I want to know what I did wrong."

Aemond's gaze goes over you. Then he turns to the side, reaches for his wine cup and drinks it. Then he takes the jug and refills his cup and fills a second one.

"Sit with me please." he says, pointing to the seat next to him. You take the steps to the couch and sit down. The pillows are soft, but you still sit straight and ignore the cup of wine in front of you. You suppress the urge to shift back and forth.

"So?" you press.

"You have done nothing wrong."

"Then why have you been ignoring me since I got here?"

"If you wouldn't interrupt me." he says in a strained voice.

You bite your lip again. "I'm sorry."

"Like I said, you didn't do anything wrong. I thought you'd prefer to have time for yourself."

"I had enough time for myself. I'm all alone here. And I would like to know my betrothed before I have to marry him. But you don't even give me the chance to get to know you. You disappear all day long. I don't know anything about you. The only information I get are the gossip from the servants." You feel tears welling up in your eyes, but you quickly blink them away. Aemond's jaw tenses with your words. But you're not quite finished yet. "I don't understand why. We used to write letters to each other and then you stopped replying. And since I've been here you have continued to ignore me. So give me a good reason!"

"I have give you my reasons." he says but doesn´t meet your eyes.

"No. That wasn't a good reason." you insist. That can not be it. Because he thought you needed time for yourself? Nonsense! There has to be another reason. Your thoughts are racing and before you can stop yourself you start talking again.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Not a pleasant conversation partner? Not worthy of your attention? What is it?"

"No of course not."

"Don't you think I'm pretty?"

"Oh please, you're beautiful." he says, sounding a little annoyed.

"So what's your problem?"

"There's no problem. It's just.." he interrupts himself and then takes a deep breath. "You must be very disappointed with this engagement." "With your behavior. Yes, I tried to explain this to you."

"No. Not with that. With the engagement to me. With a disabled prince."

You stare at him, stunned, for a few moments. "What?"

"Don't play dumb. You're beautiful, you probably had hundreds of requests for your hand in marriage."

"The two of us have been engaged since we were children. That's well known."

"Won't change the fact that you have a lot of admirers. Am I wrong?"

You furrow your eyebrows. Yes, of course, many men have given you compliments and little gifts and begged for your attention, but that's normal. You come from a rich, powerful family. You were never really interested in any of that. Why should you? You were already engaged. You had your dream prince. Until he stopped being a dream prince. Before you can answer Aemond talks again.

"I can imagine how embarrassing it is for you to have to marry a disabled prince."

"A disabled prince?"

"Aemond one eye. I know what people call me."

"And why do you think I care?"

He laughs joylessly. "Of course you care."

Anger rises within you again. "You judge me? Without knowing me? How dare you?"

You jump to your feet. Aemond winces. He probably didn't expect this reaction. You start pacing back and forth in front of him. "You think I'm unhappy with our engagement because you're missing an eye?You disappoint me."

"Everyone thinks that. You must be devastated. All your admirers and you are stuck with me."

"I´m not stuck with you. I was happy to be engaged to you. Until you turned out to be a complete idiot." you stop infront of him and glare at him.

"Remember who you talk to."

"I'm talking to the man I'm going to marry. Who obviously already made up his mind. Without knowing me. That's cruel."

Aemond is silent for a moment. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Then tell me. Tell me anything, no matter what. But we can't do it like this. We can't live like this. We can't ignore each other our whole lives. Or is that what you want?" you ask, realizing you sound desperate.

"No of course not." his voice is no longer annoyed, he sounds more tired. You get on your knees in front of him to be at the same eye level again. You hesitate for a moment but then place your hands on his knees. His eyes examine you carefully, but you don't avoid his gaze.

"So where did that sweet boy I met back then go?"

"That sweet boy you were talking about lost his eye and no one cared." his jaw tenses again.

"I wrote you letters. I asked you how you were doing. How you felt. You didn't answer."

"I didn't read it. I thought you were just writing it out of obligation."

"You could have ask me." you say.

"I guess I underestimated you."

"Yes, perhaps."

"I shouldn't have assumed something about you."

"No you shouldn´t." you agree with him.

Aemond takes your hand. "I shouldn't have ignored you. I should have gotten to know you."

"You can do better now."

"I will." he says. "Promise."

You smilie at him. The conversation went better than you could ever imagined.

"And I will start right away." he then says. You look at him confused. Aemond takes a deep breath and lets go of your hand. Slowly his hands go to the back of his head and undoes the buckle of his eye patch. The leather slides carefully from his eye. The blue sapphire sparkles at you. The scar is always only half covered by the eye patch, but now without it, the scar is even more prominent.

You carefully raise your hand, but before you touch him you stop. "May I?" you whisper. He nods. You touch his cheek tenderly and caress it. "You're beautiful." You say. You see the slight blush on his cheek. A smile dances around his lips.

"Thank you." he places his hand over yours and carefully removes it from his cheek. He kisses your knuckles.

"I just say the truth." Now it's a real smile at Aemonds face.

You straighten up and come back to your feet again. You take a deep breath to bring yourself back into the here and now.

"It's late. I should go back to my chambers."

"Yes. Would you like me to accompany you?"

"That won't be necessary. My guard is right outside the door." you nod towards the door with a smile. Aemond raises an eyebrow, but you don't explain further.

"What do you think about accompanying me to Vhagar tomorrow?"

"To your dragon?"

"Yes."

Nervousness and excitement rise within you. "I would like that very much." you answer and the smile dances around his lips again.

Aemond leaves the eye patch on the table as he walks you to the door. He opens it and your guard half stumbles into the room. He must have leaned against the door.

"My prince." he says and bows. You suppress a laugh. He really was right outside the door.

"I trust you to get my betrothed back to her chambers safely ."

"Of course my prince." the guard stutters.

"Sleep well my lady." Aemond now turns to you. He kisses your hand and this time the blush rises in your cheeks.

"Sleep well my Prince." You say.

You turn away and make your way back to your chambers. Your guard right behind you and you can even find the way without his help. You are hopeful about your marriage. Yes, a conversation doesn't solve all the problems, but it was a good start. It's not perfect yet but it's better. And maybe he and you can manage to have a peaceful marriage and maybe be happy with eachother.

[ddreamywitch]

Chapter Four - That You Are

knight!benjicot blackwood x princess!reader

word count: 4k

a/n: this is my favourite so far

warnings: mentions of violence and blood, arranged marriage

song: That You Are - Hozier

You let your eyes wander. 

It was not a rarity for the king to request to dine in the gardens, though you don’t understand why he never has a tent put up so one might not suffer so much beneath the mid-day sun. 

It is still summer, the last inklings of it clawing uncomfortably at your dignity as you excessively fan yourself, just below the line of impropriety. 

Your sister has clicked her tongue at you multiple times now, in hopes that you might calm yourself, but you cannot and you will not relinquish your only means to cool down the tiniest bit. 

To your right sits Benji. Actually sits and does not lurk behind you or a few feet away, as your father, so very graciously had ordered him to take a seat and is now boasting over how smart the deal he made with the Brackens and the Blackwoods is and how only a true king could come up with such skilled thinking. 

You’re fairly certain that this could not have come from the little bit of dazed brain he must have left but nobody speaks out, least of all Benji, who simply nods and every now and then thanks the king. 

It’s all quite arduous to sit through and your mind keeps circling back to the end of town and wondering whether the medicine you had made in a hurry two nights ago was doing what it was supposed to do. 

Marion had gone bright red in the face when you had informed her of your indiscreet meeting in the dungeons but you cannot seem to muster up even an ounce of concern over having shared your secret with Benji. 

Quite the opposite, actually. 

You allow yourself a stolen glance at him and this newfound sensation overwhelms you again. You cannot figure it out, incapable of identifying the strings that pull at your heart, but it has fluttered up ever since you had entrusted him with your concoction, grown stronger still, when he gave you a clandestine wink to inform you that everything had arrived safely and where it should be. 

Cordelia nudges you beneath the table. “Did you hear a word he just said to you?”

You frown. “Tristan didn’t say anything.”

“No, but father did. You are to begin a courtship with the young Lord Cathcart.”

Your heart drops to your feet, hand clutching onto your sister’s before you glance up to see a wide-smiled Lady Cathcart, her spider-like fingers curled around the king’s biceps. 

Just then your father lays his eyes upon you and smirks. “Is that not wonderful news? And your knight will be there to protect your honour throughout this. Before we know it, there will be more grandchildren roaming the world.” That last part he directs at his mistress, with a beyond disturbing wiggle of his brows. 

You look at Cordelia and Tristan, both of them blank faced. 

Benji swirls the wine in his cup from side to side and nobody speaks for an awfully long amount of time.

The other advisors at the table do not seem thrilled either. 

House Cathcart births unpleasant people, to put it quite kindly. Their Lady was a great example, an insufferable little parasite, clearly seeking to fuck her way into power and sparing nothing but ill-temper and rude words for anybody she does not view as important. 

She is an embodiment of sleaze, if one that has been blessed with wonderful teeth and hair. 

Her younger brother is not much different. You had heard the ladies of the court whisper about his disgusting lack of manners. 

“Father, might I remind you that I have many offers from much…,” you pause, contemplating whether you would actually like to speak your mind. “Well much more esteemed birth.”

Apparently your father has had enough of your face because he no longer makes the effort to look at you. “And yet, you have not enticed them. You will begin your travels to visit him tomorrow.” 

You desperately try to think of a young nobleman you would prefer to spend time with, yet your mind goes blank, your brain one continuous noise of a warhorn being sounded.

You let go of your sister’s hand and scrape your knife across your plate as the conversation resumed, occasional attempts of naming other highborn heirs, perhaps even from another kingdom.

Sure, you think to yourself, might as well remove me from the only home I know. Might as well let me be a cattle to be bred an ocean away.

“Your highness, I believe it is time for your dance lesson,” Benji says. 

Your head snaps up. It is not. 

He nods, the slightest bit, and then turns away. 

You are not certain, but you think the apples of his cheeks are tinted light pink. 

“I must be excused,” you say, as Benji already pulls out your chair for you. 

Cordelia and Tristan exchange a look that you wholeheartedly ignore and yet nobody else bats an eye.

A third-born daughter’s daily schedule is not of importance to them. 

In long strides you walk away from them all, with every inch of distance you can feel your heart cinching, breath shortening and by the time you’re inside the castle, you cannot see straight ahead.

“Hold on one moment, Princess,” he says and grabs your arm to push you down a narrow hallway, his arm around your waist the moment you are hidden from plain sight. Gratefully you lean your whole body weight against his, until you are back in your kitchen. 

With a swift movement you are sat on your chair, hunched over desperately trying to get air into your lungs, even stale and wet dungeon air, tainted by the stark smell of clandestine medicinal practice.

But you cannot. 

Your mother had died shortly after birthing you. Cordelia had struggled through every pregnancy, growing weaker with each child planted in her body and then clawing its way out. 

You think you might hurl. 

“Princess..,” Benji carefully mumbles. 

You try to see him through the blind panic and fury that clouds your mind but your eyes won’t focus, horrible images of what would happen to you. 

“I can’t breathe,” you gasp. 

He kneels in front of you, his hands clutching at yours. “Yes you can.” 

His voice is laced with uncertainty, as though he doesn’t believe his own words.

Firmly you shake your head. “No, get me out.”

He drags his thumb across the soft palm of your hand. “Out of where?”

Another sharp gasp. 

Here, this palace, this family, this kingdom, this world. 

“My corset,” you all but whimper. 

There is a moment of hesitation, where you cannot hear or feel anything but your own soft cries. 

Then he gets up and walks behind you. 

“My god, this thing is built like a trap,” he mumbles, rough fingers fiddling with your bodice. 

You might have laughed at that. 

It takes him long to help you out of it, revealing the fishbone corset, your hands now clawing at your neckline, praying for some sign of sweet release. 

He is taking forever, or maybe he is not but you have lost all sense of time and space.

Finally there is the sound of a barbaric rip and you are left in your linen shift, panting heavily.

You slump forward and bury your head in your hands. 

Unwilling to be seen, or look him in the eyes - eyes that are undoubtedly looking at you with nothing but pity. 

“Princess..,” he whispers again. You can feel one rough hand through the thin fabric as he circles around to your front.

You shake your head, like a child. “He can’t do this. I’m not ready.”

A soft touch against your wrists, softer than you had thought possible from him. “You’re a witch. Just put poison in his wedding night supper,” he says. 

You snort, an ugly sound, much unlike your usual demeanour. “You-” Hiccup. “Speak treason, Ser Benjicot.”

Carefully he interlinks your hands into one and pulls them from your face. Your forehead hurts from where you dug your nails into it. “You’re smart for a capital girl, you will manage.”

His face is kind and warm, a desire to make you smile clearly etched into the twinkle of his eyes.

“I won’t kill my husband. He is not at fault for my father’s failures.” 

Benji huffs. “And I am the one speaking treason.”

You hiccup again. “He is the king but he is my father no less. And he is horrible at both.”

His fingers sweep hair out of your face, unthinkingly, quickly. “His children turned out quite well either way. A benevolent queen, an honourable heir to the throne and a witch.”

Now he manages to make you smile lightly. “My god, what must a lady do for you to not tease her.”

“I would rather not say,” he answers, and you know there is a double meaning there but you don’t know how to decipher it. You have studied the human body but some things will lie beyond your book knowledge.

Until your bedding ceremony, that is.

Your face drops again and you lean back. “Have a seat somewhere, would you? I do not wish for you to crouch in front of me.” 

“I am your knight. Kneeling comes with this duty.”

You huff. “Does ripping up royal corsetry and sneaking potions into town also go along with it?”

He scrapes the chair across the floor and plops down beside you. 

The two of you sit, and though your eyes are set on the cauldron in the corner of the room, you know he is looking at you.

Perhaps he wants you to say that you feel better?

You decidedly do not, this is after all your deepest fear becoming reality.

Benji nudges the tip of his boots against your calf. 

Everything between the two of you is contrasting. 

“We will find a way. The counsel is against his choice as well, he may be the king but he is not a king at heart and soul.”

A deep sigh escapes you, hiccups slowly fading away.

 “Mayhaps he will be overthrown by the time we reach Lord Cathcart’s castle,” Benji adds. 

Would you want it that way? 

Yes. 

Yes you would.

You would not want him dead, you think, but you want Tristan to rule. You want your father to desert the throne and leave it for somebody capable and dignified. 

Somebody who has honour. 

“Won’t you cheer up, little witch. You still have Marion and me to come with you.” 

A hand flies to your mouth. Marion. “She won’t come. And even if she would like to, I will not let her. Her love won’t let her. Her life is here and her family and friends.” Your hands claw at each other, nervously digging into tender flesh. 

Benji hums. The weight of his oath must be a harsh burden to carry. He will never have a choice but to go where you go.

“I am sorry,” you whisper. “For it all. I know you hate it here.”

He shrugs and grabs your hand. To prevent you from scratching it bloody, you’re certain. 

“I am a man of honour and strength. I suppose it is best put to use for your protection. And the occasional smuggling and destruction of dresses far more expensive than my pay.”

You snort. “It didn’t suit me anyways. Made me pale.”

“Told you. I like red best.” 

He winks. “Like the colour of your cheeks turn sometimes.”

With little force you shove him, your fingers still securely interlinked. “Watch it, I’ll begin sobbing again, my knight.” 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You had bid your goodbyes to everyone at dinner tonight.

A courtship, successful or not, could take many moons and this one is nearly set in stone to end in marriage. Your return home, for now, is a distant dream that you can’t put faith into.

Surprisingly many people had grieved over your farewell. 

Much of the courtiers and even more of the staff insisted that they would miss you. 

Cordelia did not leave your side the entire evening and repeated many times that marriage is less scary than one might expect and that for the most time, your husband would likely leave you be. 

Even Tristan, ever so calm at all times, had looked as though he might like to tie you up if that meant you got to stay and you couldn’t help the deep gratitude you felt for Benji’s consistent, calm presence next to you.

Though you couldn’t claim that you were not deeply embarrassed over how dishevelled he had seen you today, even after he had assured you multiple times that he did not care, as you snuck through the secret passageway back to your room, his cape draped around you. 

Marion had wept the most; her waterlike, bendy fingers preparing your hair for dinner, achieving perhaps her finest work yet. 

It seems sadness is the greatest motivator of the human mind, tears streaming down her face and yet leaving your hair in neat braids. She had apologised many times, that she could not go on this journey with you and that she would likely forever miss your generosity, something you felt she was inflating greatly. 

After all, she had risked her position and even her life every single time she snuck you in and out of the castle walls. 

Your fingers cramp around your quill.

Over the course of your meal, you have come up with a plan once again, though this one might be the most idiotic one yet.

You know that almost everyone with blood rushing through their veins inside this castle is opposed to this marriage and maybe there could be another way to get out of it, but you know it would take long and you will not let your father torture you in the mean time.

Droplets of ink stain your wrist as you scratch forcefully across the parchment. 

You are not dense. You had never tried to trick yourself into believing your betrothal would occur from a love match but you had always been able to comfort yourself with the fact that at the very least you were to do something useful to your family line.

Marry into another important house, a house of wealth or with a strong army. Something that would strengthen the crown and its representation in the kingdom. 

Colour drains from your face each time you think about this fate. 

You’d be ridiculed in the history books, married off to a Baron, the lowest of ranks anybody in your line had married into, ever since the claiming of the throne.

No, you must leave and you must do so quickly. 

Your finished letter remains on your pillowcase. 

Wrapped in your velvet robe you peek out of your door into the hallway where the nightwatch had taken Benjicot’s place a few hours ago. 

“Ser Lawrence. Ser Timon. I wish to not be disturbed during my last night in the castle. Any and all visitors must immediately be sent away,” you tell them.

“Yes, your highness.”

Satisfied you go to lock the door, but then quickly remember. 

“Ser Timon, please tell your cousin that he must reapply the bandage and salve everyday.” 

And with that you turn your back.

You switch your robe out for the most simple dress you own.

While Ser Rodrick had still been around, Marion had kept a better disguise hidden in one of the trunks beneath your bed, but when the change of protector was imminent, she had taken it back home, in fear of being caught. 

You slip into a hooded cloak, in hopes it might do more to keep your identity hidden, wrap a satchel filled with jewellery around your waist, in hopes to pay for travels.

You wish you could take your horse.

Fury is a good horse, in your humble opinion, the most empathetic and perfect companion one can ask for.

Weirdly, she reminds you of Benji, now that you contemplate it.

She looks scary; tall and black and when you had gotten her she was unruly and stubborn but that quickly faded.

A terrifying thought crosses your mind suddenly.

What would happen to Benji? If you were to disappear, would he have to die for it?

You halt in the middle of your room.

No.

That is not a price you are willing to pay for your freedom. You could not in good conscience be responsible for such an atrocity.

Maybe they would let him off the hook? After all there had been a deal made with the Blackwoods, perhaps his family would revolt? 

Would your father have his head still? 

And in mere seconds your last bubble of hope had burst and rained onto you in glittering glass shambles. 

Benji was tough to crack and a little rebellious but you won’t have his blood on your hands forever.

You gaze out the window, see the distant sea. 

But you could still sneak out. For one final night. Check on your medicine. Maybe you could find a tavern to spend time in.

Marion had always said that she loved nothing more than to dance with the common folks, telling never-ending stories of how much lively the music is than at your royal balls, how free and funny the people are.

Yes, you might not run away but for once in your life you would simply do what you wanted to do. 

You pull up your hood and slip into the narrow staircase behind your bookcase. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The streets were bustling, even after nightfall, people chatting away, merchants yelling from every corner, sounds of life buzzing in your ear.

You are smiling, weaving through the crowd. A stranger had handed you a daffodil, proclaiming his inn had the best hunter’s stew in all the kingdom.

Another had told you she could read your future from the palm of your hand, which you of course deemed ridiculous, but had let her do anyway.

She told you that you were destined for a great love. Ridiculous, but endearing in a peculiar way. 

Now you were hoping to find that tavern that Marion so loved to frequent. It was called duckling, or something to that extent. An odd name for a place where people go to drink and celebrate. 

But your feet carry you still, steps lighter than air. You had noticed that your boots were a tad too white, and had promptly walked through every possible puddle to blend in. 

It was exhilarating. You know your privileges and you know them well, but while all the rest of the nobles question how the people of lower birth could live like this, you wonder how you could have gone your life without this. 

Every path revealed something exciting. 

When you had snuck out with Marion, she had dragged you through quiet back alleys, to avoid as many people as possible, but now you wonder if she wasn’t also trying to keep you from being drawn into this magical world you are witnessing now.

A shoulder bumps you and you stumble a bit. 

“Oi watch where you’re going,” came a gruff voice and you almost want to laugh, heart melting at the vulgarity of it, but you have the good sense to not.

“I’m sorry, good man.” 

He grunts and goes to move along but then something catches his eye and he stops.

“Where you from?” He asks.

He has a strong build, tall and burly. You try not to let that worry and flash him a smile. “Arbormere.” 

The man steps forward. You don’t step back. Marion and Ser Rodrick had drilled into you for a long time, that fear is one’s worst enemy. 

“Are ya, now? I ain’t ever met a girl from over there.”

You shrug. “I am their queen’s handmaiden. She is visiting her family,” you lie, quick as the wind and then you decide that you should not remain in one place for so long, shuffling to step past him. 

He blocks the way and before you know it he’s grabbed your arm, with enough force to make you shriek in surprise.

You squirm beneath his grip, attempting to meet the eye of a passerby desperately but nobody seems to notice this scene playing out. 

“Let me go,” you order, with as much authority as you can muster.

With too much ease, you are ripped into a side street. It smells rotten and you close your eyes when the back of your head meets the cobbled wall. 

“Pretty girls like ya’self shouldn’t roam foreign streets,” he says. His breath smells acidic as it fans across the side of your face. 

“Help,” you croak out but you know it is of no use. There isn’t a soul here to hear you in this dark corner.

He squishes your face between one hand, thumb deep in the soft of your cheek. 

“Somebody should teach you a lesson, aye.”

“Yeah and somebody should teach you some fucking manners, you fucking cunt,” a voice rings. 

Benji.

Your face is freed from his grip and you rub where it hurts. 

“Piss off, lad. Ain’t none of your business,” the man tells him.

Something unfamiliar flashes across Benji’s face, a shadow of something sinister. 

Bloody Ben, you think. 

“Get the fuck away from her,” he growls through clenched teeth.

He laughs at Benji, his arms crossed. “I’m not gonna fucking say it twice, boy. Piss–”

He can’t finish his sentence before Benji is on him, a disgusting sound of bones cracking as his fist connects with his nose. 

You yelp, a hand pressed to your mouth in an instant. This stranger is considerably larger than Benjicot, who himself could not be described as a slender man. 

The pair of them tumble to the ground and with every hit your sworn protector takes, you wince, as though you were feeling them yourself. 

Blood sprays across their faces, their hands, the hem of your shirt and you wish you could avert your gaze. 

Something glitters. 

“Knife,” you scream. “He has a knife.”

But Benji has already registered it. 

In a movement so smooth and quick that it was barely noticeable, the knife is stuck in the man’s hand.

He wails, guttural and gory and tries to crawl back. 

Your knight gets up from the ground, towers above him. “Get the fuck away.” Then, in an act so raw you are almost taken aback, he spits on him.

Without a moment’s hesitation, the stranger staggers away, as fast as his delirious self can. 

There is a sickening swirl in your stomach and for a moment you think you will cry, but then good sense wins and you leap toward Benji.

Panic strains your voice. “Are you well?” You ask, gently inspecting his face. His nose is bleeding profusely. It stains your fingers, streams down to your wrist, thin red streaks across your skin and white linen sleeves. 

He nods. Distance clouds his eyes but then it is almost like he snaps back to this world. 

He flicks your hands away, and searches your face, the way you had done his. 

You grimace. He is clearly in much worse condition. 

“You fucking idiot. Don’t fucking ever frighten me like this again,” he whispers. 

“Do you know what could have happened? What you look like?”

He raises your hands to eye level. “Your hands are soft, you’ve not done work with them ever. Your hair shimmers, you walk like a fucking fairie and you reek of rose and lavender.”

With each word his voice raises to a whisper-shout. “Do you know how lucky you are that you weren’t recognised? How lucky you are that I got here in time?”

The tips of your ears run hot. “I just wanted-”

“What? To run away and die in a ditch?” 

You shake your head fervently. “No! I was going to return, I just forgot to rip up the letter! I didn’t mean to-”

He scoffs. “You’re lucky I was the one to find that thing. You’re the luckiest girl in the world, in fact.” 

Now there will likely be many moments in the future where you regret this moment but you cannot help yourself. “You call this situation lucky? I am lucky that I will be shipped off to be fucked by a disgusting little man for the rest of my life, be forced to bear his children, do as he pleases me to do, until the day I die? You think this is lucky? I would rather spend my time working every hour of every day of every week of every moon until my bones fail me.”

Benjicot comes even closer, the tips of your noses are almost touching. “Do not ever do something like this again. I will give you as much freedom as I can, but I suppose you did not plan to spend a night of freedom being defiled in some dark alley. Don’t you ever do this to me again.”

To him. 

“Understood?” 

He has engulfed your senses, speaking seems too hard a chore now. You nod. Is it normal for a knight to chastise his princess like this? 

“Good,” he whispers, but you don’t let him get away. 

You use the tissue tucked into your cleavage and dab at his nose. Crimson red stains the colour of house Aprikate. “I think I should set your nose.” Your voice is faint, like you’re worried you might scare him off, like some jittery woodland creature. 

“Hmm.” 

Your hand pulls away and your eyes lock. You swallow thickly. That new sensation haunts you again. 

Benji’s hand curls around the small of your back. 

This feels dangerous. You can’t bring yourself to end the moment. 

He does it for you.

“Let’s return to the castle.”

The air feels tense, new and vibrant the entire way home.

taglist:

@dancingbaek

@jhepolie

@knight-of-flowerss

@majoso12

@rebeccawinters

@poppyflower-22

@nixtape-foryou

@accidentpronedork

@xlittlefiend

@vqmpyrecult

[oacest]

(with enormous thanks to @noandneuron for their tremendous scholarly work taking pics of the library print version of this article, which seems to otherwise not exist online. original post with pics can be found here.)

LIAM WANTED ME TO MARRY HIM AND HAVE HIS BABY... BUT NOEL TORE US APART

SINGER FELL FOR WICKED SEX LIES ABOUT LOVER

by Phil Taylor, Chief Feature Writer (News of the World) (Sept 8, 1996)

Oasis idol Liam Gallagher's jilted fiancee opened her heart to the News of the World last night and told how her wedding plans were torn apart by his scheming brother Noel.

“Liam was the love of my life and we planned to get married and have children,” seethed Cerice Blakeley. “But Noel wrecked our relationship because the most important thing in his life was Oasis and he felt that I was in the way. I will never, ever forgive him. Noel deviously told his brother the most hurtful allegation that he could about me—that I had betrayed him and had sex with the band's cocaine supplier. I never two-timed Liam. But he believed Noel and was absolutely devastated. To this day he doesn't know the truth. Now Liam's with Patsy Kensit. I wonder if Noel will do the same to her.”

Life had all looked so different when Cerice first met the brothers who were yet to take Britain by storm. It was in a marquee near Oldham in May 1992—and it was Cerice's 21st birthday.

“I was heavily into the Manchester music scene,” she said. “And I was friendly with a band called the Inspiral Carpets—at the time Noel worked for them as a roadie. When he came along with the band I wasn't attracted to him at all. I hated his haircut—it looked as though someone had used a bowl. But I took one look at Liam and it was love at first sight.

“He wore blue cords and a dark navy kagoule and looked adorably different. I got quite flirtatious with him and later we arranged a date. Liam couldn't drive and was living at his mum Peggy's council house in Manchester. So I picked him up in my Citroen and we went up on the moors. Liam gave me the most amazing kiss I've ever had. It seemed to go on for ages and my mind was in a whirl. I felt so turned on I wanted to have sex with him there and then. I know he felt the same.

“But we decided to do it properly, so we booked into a lovely country hotel. I've never felt so excited in my life as we finally curled up on the bed and smoked a joint of marijuana. We kissed and kissed and I was ready and willing for Liam to make love to me. But to my disappointment, he suddenly stopped and told me, 'I respect you too much.' I couldn't believe it. It was so unlike a Manchester bloke. But I was very touched and it made me love him and want him even more.”

Liam later invited Cerice home to meet his mum. Then, she said, after a cup of tea and a chat they went upstairs to Liam's bedroom... and made love for the first time.

Cerice sighed: “Liam was only 19, two years younger than me, and was very nervous in bed. I wanted to strip him off, but he was so self conscious. He wouldn't take off his cream woolly jumper because he felt his chest was too puny. So I tried to break the ice and joked: 'Don't worry about your chicken chest, you've got lovely footballer's legs.'

“It worked. He relaxed and we made love to Hey Jude, one of his favourite Beatles songs. I felt wonderful afterwards and spent the night in Liam's bed. Then, the next morning, he brought me up a cup of tea and we chatted for ages.

“Then he ran a bath and started putting handfuls of salt in it. I couldn't believe my eyes and asked him what he was doing. He told me, 'It helps strengthen my bones.'

“Afterwards he spent ages doing his hair... he was always using his mum's hairdryer. I told him, 'You're going to end up like Mick Jagger.' Then I asked him if he wanted to try my mascara—and he did. But he went one step further and squeezed into my size 8 velvet jacket too. Then he put on the Rolling Stones record Satisfaction, pouted his lips and started strutting around the bedroom like Jagger. I creased up laughing. I'm only 5ft 5ins and Liam is 5ft 11ins. The jacket was so tiny on him, the sleeves rolled up around his elbows. But he loved it and it turned him on. He fell on the bed and we had fantastic sex for 45 minutes. Afterwards, Liam told me, 'I'm not gay or bisexual. I'm just in touch with my feminine side.'”

Cerice saw Liam and Oasis rise from obscurity to stardom. “I went to the studio with them while they were recording their album Definitely Maybe and knew they were going to be massive,” she said. “It went to No. 1.”

Two years after they met, Cerice's life seemed complete. “We had just got back to Liam's mum's house from a gig in Sheffield,” she said. “Liam looked really nervous. He told me, 'I have got something very nice to ask you. Will you marry me? I want you to have my children.'

“I was thrilled. I gave him a big hug and said, 'Of course I will.' We celebrated with a glass of his favourite drink. Jack Daniel's and Coke. Then we went round to my home and he told my dad. Liam said to him, 'I love Cerice and I want her to feel secure, so I've asked her to get engaged.'

“Being a practical, logical man, Dad asked Liam how financially secure he felt he was going to be. At the time, Liam was only getting £100 a week from the band. And he told my dad he couldn't even afford to buy me an engagement ring. But he said he was saving up to get me one. Dad wasn't too impressed. But he gave us his blessing because he wanted me to be happy.”

Liam's brother Noel, she said, was less pleased. “Noel nicknamed me Yoko Ono,” she recalled bitterly. “He felt I'd pull Liam away from the band, just as Yoko did with John Lennon and the Beatles. Nothing could have been further from the truth.”

Cerice and Liam rented a flat in the Didsbury area of Manchester for £75 a week and moved in together. “He put his favourite posters on the ceiling of our front room,” she said. “They were of John Lennon and the Stone Roses, one of his favourite bands.

“I would do the cooking—Liam's favourite meal was steak and Walker's crisps—but he'd always do the washing up and we would take turns with the hoovering. The only thing that annoyed me about him was that he always left his wet towels on the bathroom floor.”

It was in that flat, said Cerice, that the couple planned a family. She sighed, “I said I wanted a little girl and told Liam I hoped she'd have my hair, my brain, and his tenderness. He joked that he wanted a little boy who loved Manchester City, then said, 'I really don't mind what sex it is. I just want to have a baby with you.'”

And all the time, she confessed, their sex life became more and more intense—fuelled by drugs. “I must admit we took our share of cocaine through a £10 note,” she said. “It was extra special when we got in bed together because Liam was away on tour more and more as the band got bigger and bigger. I saw them play before 100,000 at Glastonbury and they were phenomenal.”

In the summer of 1994, Cerice and Liam drove to Scotland together for the massive Tea In The Park festival. “As the journey went on we were feeling friskier by the minute,” she said. “After four hours' driving we couldn't wait any longer. We were travelling on the M74 through Scotland when we saw a big wood. We looked at each other, smiled, and both had exactly the same idea.

“I pulled over, parked on the hard-shoulder and we ran off into the woods. Then we lay down on the soft moss and made wild, blissful love. It was the first time I had ever had sex outside and I think it was for Liam. We were there for nearly an hour writhing among the undergrowth before we finally got up and made our way back to the car. But as we walked back close to the motorway, holding hands and beaming smiles, passing motorists saw us and started beeping their horns. It was obvious what we had been up to and I was blushing bright red. So was Liam.”

They were never to be as happy again. After the concert, Cerice went backstage to congratulate Liam on his performance but could only find Noel. “I asked him where Liam was and he told me, 'He had to leave to catch a plane from Manchester for a concert in Germany tomorrow night. We're performing in Hamburg and he unexpectedly had to catch the flight tonight. I'll be flying over in the morning.'

“Bewildered, I went back to Noel's hotel where I met Simon, the band's cocaine supplier, and a record company executive. He told me he could get keys to Noel's room and I could sleep there. There were two single beds. I fell asleep in one and Simon and this fella slept on the floor, keeping the other one free for Noel.

“Then, at about 6am, Noel came into the room with a blonde and said, 'Oh, you're all in here.' Then he got into his bed with the girl and I went back to sleep. At 9am Noel got up and said, 'I'm going to Hamburg. I've told Liam you're OK and you'd phone him tonight.”

Later that day, Cerice phoned the Gallaghers' mum and she told her that Liam had phoned to pass on his apologies for missing her in the Scottish crowd. That night, Cerice managed to contact him herself.

“He was really angry and abrupt,” she said. “He told me, 'I need to talk to you face to face and not over the phone.' Then he slammed the phone down. I was distraught. He'd never spoken to me like that before and I couldn't understand why. Now I know. Noel told Liam I'd cheated on him and slept with Simon. A friend of mine told Liam it wasn't true. But he wouldn't believe her because it came from his own brother. He was shattered and went completely off the rails afterwards.

“We met just once when he returned to Manchester from Hamburg. I told him he shouldn't have treated me so badly. But we were both so angry and upset we couldn't even row. Instead he walked out of the door and out of my life. I haven't seen or heard from him since. He has never answered my calls. Noel must be delighted.”

After their split in August 1994, Cerice left Britain for Australia to get over the trauma. “It was while I was there that Oasis released Don't Look Back in Anger,” she said. “I tried to relate it to my own circumstances, but I can't look back in any other way. I have no anger towards Liam. But for Noel I have. I despise him. After we split up Liam was shattered and went completely off the rails. He simply hasn't been the same since.”

[starsofang]

Southern Nights

kyle garrick x country!reader

tw: fluff that developed into brief smut. idk how that happened tbh. don’t look at me.

Kyle Garrick was many things, but picky was not one of them.

With food? Maybe a bit, but with women? He’d be absolutely mad to stick to a specific type of woman.

He’d been with them all — thin, chubby, short, tall, pale, tanned. Some were flings, some were girlfriends, and some were just mindless flirtations on drunken nights when he’d seek refuge in a shitty bar after months of grueling missions.

Kyle couldn’t exactly say he’d been with a southern girl, though. Not until you.

All wit and charm, pearly smiles and the cutest accent that made his sound like choked gurgles.

He didn’t know how he landed you. He must’ve done a hell of a lot in his past life to even gain the pleasure of calling you his, because the way you looked at him with that sparkle in your eye made him appear like he was God himself gazing down at you from the clouds.

Kyle knew close to nothing about the south. Fuck, he was british, could you blame him? How did a bloke like him end up with a southern belle like you?

Sure, Kyle had worked for the CIA before turning to John Price and vowing his loyalty to him. Even so, it seemed improbable of him to fall for a woman that accentuated her words with a lick of country charm, who wore sturdy boots on her feet that thumped along the pavement every time you walked beside him, hand in hand.

Despite it being near sinful for you two to pair together, it worked to perfection.

You taught him everything there was to know about your side of the road. He didn’t realize there was so much that went into being a pretty, little bird, but he was fully willing to learn so he could take mental notes of every piece of information that made you, you.

On late night drives when the two of you wanted to clear your headspace while also remaining in each other’s presence, you’d show him your collection of songs. He didn’t know any of them, nor had he taken the chance to listen to the arrangements of fiddles and guitars that poured through the speakers.

Somebody named Chris Stapleton was a repetitive appearance, and he didn’t have a clue who that was.

But the smile on your face as you sang along to the lyrics with your eyes on him while his remained on the road was enough to have him bob his head along and mirror your smile, giving your hand an affectionate squeeze from where he held it on the center console.

Bars were certainly different, too. They were more rundown and rugged than the ones he was used to, and it wasn’t a crowd of young people who were there to fuck and party.

No, it was a mixed crowd of all kinds of beings, sharing laughter with friends and enjoying shots of whiskey and a concerning amount of piss beer.

The music wasn’t upbeat and erratic and instead, filled the bar with a lovely atmosphere that made you want to saddle up with your lady and enjoy the blessing of her existence rather than fuel a desire to grind against one another.

The change of pace was something he hadn’t realized he needed. It was comforting, even more so with you under his arm, talking wildly about past experiences at that specific bar with old high school friends.

He thought you were beautiful like this, your words slurring together in your own form of accented youth, specific words slipping off your tongue in a way that gave him the subtle reminder of your roots.

Kyle had yet to know about customs, and when you pulled the cowboy hat you had graciously gifted him (he personally didn’t think it suited him, but he’d never shy away from your presents) and planted it on your head, he gave you a curious raise of his eyebrow.

“Save a horse, ride a cowboy,” you teased, and when his mouth gaped open in confusion, your sweet laughter filtered through his ears. “You’re the cowboy, Kyle.”

It took him an embarrassingly long five seconds before realization dawned on him. You giggled some more, eyes crinkled into dusty, starlit crescents, and he had to swallow down the rest of his drink to hide his lingering sheepishness.

And when he took you back to his your place, seeing as you practically moved in by now, he didn’t hesitate to ravish you in ways that had that southern drawl drip off your tongue like honeyed nectar he couldn’t get enough of.

Even as you clambered on top of him after he’d spent the last twenty minutes tugging pretty, little moans from your soft lips with his tongue between your thighs, where he’d worshiped you like the sky goddess you were, you made sure to keep the gifted cowboy hat perched on your head.

The hat wiggled with instability on every bounce of your hips, threatening to fall off with every thrust Kyle uprooted to meet yours.

Your baby hairs slicked with sweat against your forehead, right where the brim of the hat met, and by god, Kyle thought he was looking at the loveliest bird he’d ever seen.

“My pretty dove,” Kyle cooed breathlessly, fingers dipping into the fat of your hips as he guided every motion back up, then down, until you were slammed against the plains of his pelvis with every push and pull. “Look so beautiful wearin’ my hat, don’t you?”

You moaned his name with broken fervor, and the sound of it sent shivers down his spine.

“Keep talkin’, birdie. Y’know I love your voice, sounds so pretty like that.”

His words opened the floodgates for your mindless babbling, accent heavier than ever as it laced over with need and desperation.

Kyle was in pure heaven when each and every accented word fell from those pretty lips. They pricked his skin with want, fueling the warmth building in the pits of his abdomen.

Your body glistened with a gorgeous sheen as it continued to bounce and wiggle on top of him, chest rising and falling in erratic attempts to gather air as each thrust knocked it out of you.

The hat laid a bit crooked, but stayed true to its temporary owner, branding you as his from where it loyally stayed atop your head.

When you finally gave in to the tight coil in your core and exploded into a mess of warm, fuzzy pleasure, Kyle took in the sight and engraved it under his eyelids as he couldn’t hold back from finishing inside you.

After Kyle had you successfully spent, body floating on a soft cloud of his blankets and pillows, his hat halfway off your head from where your face pressed into the mattress and sleepy snores left your lips, he basked in the sight of you.

Kyle didn’t have a type before. He’d gone through nearly every course of women before you came along, but now, as he brushed away the stray hairs from the softness of your face, he thought maybe he had a thing for country girls.

Only if they were you, though.

i’m a y’allternative girl from the south who lives in fields of cows so the fact i haven’t written this sooner is surprising but lord have mercy, i’m happy i did because kyle is so 🤌🏻 this was meant to be sweet and fluffy but i got ahead of myself and ending up making us fuck him instead but hey who’s complaining? not me

[vastderp]

I Had A Baby Brother

My brother was found dead last tuesday in his apartment.

He died anywhere from Sunday to Monday, and his landlord got worried and checked up on him and found him on the floor with one hand over his face. There was an open jug of methanol nearby. My sister thinks he drank it, I pray he didn't. It was an ugly, fucked up death.

He was in declining health this past decade because he was a paraplegic and uncontrolled diabetic. There are systems in place to help with low income people in his condition, but they were barred from him as he was a convicted felon.

He went from learning to walk again in the physical therapy pool to drinking a gallon of vodka per day, growing more hostile and bitter as the pain got worse, until his body just gave out. He drove away his friends, he drove away his family, and then he hit the floor and never got up.

I was meant to view the body with my sister and her grown kids, but the funeral home couldn't tell us where his body had been sent, and stopped answering the phone on friday before memorial day weekend, and then we had to wait for someone to follow up on my sister's dozens of phone messages, which they finally did, to try and make their little profit.

My sister, who has been handling all of this along with my niece, selected a different funeral home for the cremation because the first one was disgraceful with my mother's death in 2007, and they're disgraceful all over again with my brother's now.

At one point today they finally established contact, and asked how my sister wanted to handle the arrangements for her "father". O how casual the not giving a fuck goes! Dude pressed to make a sale even after she told him how unhappy we were with their work.

All this to say that I have a car full of inherited possessions, unused medical gear, and the shitty fucked up remnants of my brother's shrine to Mom.

Good old Mom may have died almost 20 years ago, but her gentle, loving mission to smother her only son to death (and probably into eternity) is finally successful. Of all of us, I've often wondered who got it worst: The golden child, the scapegoat, or the parentalized invisible middle kid. Now that one of us has effectively committed suicide, I guess it's for the scapegoat and me to hash out who gets second place. My mother crippled him long before his car accident, in one long and winding but uninterrupted line of consequences from his birth to death. I consider it a murder-suicide. Which was which? They were both the killer, and both the victim. Enmeshment is a motherfucker.

I'm super bitter, really fucking sad, and incredibly proud of what's left of my family for how they're coming together now. (Except my dad, who is in another state, petting his dogs, because I don't think he can really deal with this shit).

So what's left? To go put some cologne on his corpse when they finally let us go view what's left of him. He always liked to smell nice and he probably doesn't right now.

They'll cremate him, and give us a ridiculously heavy cardboard box of ashes that we'll have to carry out, knowing it's all that's left of a lifetime of struggling and pain. Probably we're gonna mix his ashes with Mom's, and make that lifetime of enmeshment official.

I hope if they go to the same afterlife, he kicks her in the cooter. I hope she kicks him back. I hope they can see each other with eyes unclouded by trauma, and forgive each other for the choices they both made. I hope they forgive me for still being mad at them both for not being stronger. I hope I will forgive myself for a lifetime of resentment and blame. I sure got enough time for that.

Jason was funny, weird, secretly really smart but never made a point of it. He was stylish. He was a broken man who could have made better choices and didn't, who was happily fed poison until he couldn't live without it, who was basically his own whole ass Pink Floyd song. His violence sent me running into a better life. His death sent me trudging back into a damaged family with gaping holes like torn out teeth, into the arms of my sister, and we reconciled. There's just us two left now, and it's our job to make something beautiful come out of this jerry springer childhood we shared. We're doing our best.

Dozens of catheters still in the package. Leakproof bed padding in a plaid pattern. Gallons of creams, antacids, fiber supplements by the jar, pressure sore ointments, fungus treatment creams, lidocaine pads, antibiotics, antipsychotics, a hash pipe or two.

An entire apartment hoarded with moist towelettes, pressure garments, and cleaning supplies. An entire life choked with mental damages and crying relatives. I put on CeeLoo Green's "Robin Williams" and sobbed until my face felt burned. It helped.

All the usable/safe to give away medical equipment is being distributed to the other impoverished disabled people in his apartment complex, who will hopefully put it to good use. I got his old manual wheelchair because sometimes I can't walk. I'm terrified of becoming more like him, so back to phsycial therapy I go.

The rest?

The memories, the pity, the jug of methanol that I pray he never actually drank, the stain he left on his floor after a lifetime of compulsive tidiness, the shrine to the woman he killed who also killed him? All these things I will keep with me forever. I will honor him. He could have been so much more, for so much longer. He had a whole story I'll never know. He contained incredible kindness and generosity, and also a rage so deep it was fatal. He was only 41.

If you can spare a couple bucks for the gofundme my niece set up, it'd really help make the financial side of this horseshit a little more bearable while we do all the shit that comes with a death. Thank you for taking the time to read this post, for your sympathies, and for reading my fucked up family trauma dump. Rest assured there will be more.

Dear god, will there ever be more.

Send help. Send pizza. Send sad hip hop. Hail Atlantis. Hail Jai.

[shawnxstyles]

green and gold

DATE: MARCH 29, 2023

summary: tom invites you to the brothers trust charity event that you didn’t really want to go to. you made up countless excuses, trying to run away from him like you usually do, but were convinced anyway. during the event, tom finally confronts you about always running away when he’s close. years of pent-up feelings are unraveled along with some clothes to make up for all the time you lost.

request: yess

song: dress- taylor swift

words: 7.7k

warnings: SMUT (f- receiving [fingering, slight masturbation, some nipple play], exhibitism, small praise kink, unprotected sex [coming inside], dirty talk), pining, lots of fluff, and some language.

note: i used this image because it was one of the only ones i could find of him at the event where he wasn’t with other people lol. this is hardly edited

best friends to lovers :) famous!tom x female!reader

–

You really didn’t want to go tonight. You had so many reasons, or excuses is what Tom said, why you didn’t want to go to a high-end charity event. But your best friend put on his puppy dog eyes and played the “I need you by my side tonight” card. It was truly an unfair move.

The “reasons” you gave Tom were all in-the-moment excuses. Like “I have to clean my entire apartment and it’s going to take a week” or “I’m not going to feel good for the next week”. Yeah…your excuses got worse every time he asked.

Tom told you a week in advance and it went like this; he asked if you wanted to go, you said no for three days straight, and then eventually caved because of those stupid puppy dog eyes. That’s how most of Tom’s requests for your presence went. At first, you loved the idea of all the fancy clothes and luxurious events, but after about two nights out, you were already sick of it. You respected that Tom did that and more for a living.

Like every other event he convinced you to go to, you shared a suite in some grand hotel that still made your jaw drop from its lavishness. He made sure his team arranged an outfit for you each time, every dress more opulent than the last. The dresses he got you always fit you so perfectly, you were in disbelief when you looked in the mirror at the final results.

Tonight was no different. Well, it was a bit different. As you stood in front of the full length mirror, you stared at your figure way longer than you usually would have. Tom ordered you a long, green dress with velvet fabric that comforted your skin. It was snug, flawlessly fitting, and had a huge slit that showed your entire leg. You made sure to shave everything and wear your tiniest pair of underwear, so nothing could be seen.

You weren’t a celebrity like Tom. Yeah, sometimes you went to events with him, but only for support. You were seen on the media with him a lot, and after at least a year of fans either “shipping” you two or hating you, they finally understood the idea that a man and a woman can be friends.

No matter how much you hated it, that’s all you two were. That’s all it was ever going to be.

You and Tom have been friends since you were kids. You only ever saw him as a friend, and he, the same. But as puberty hit and hormones developed, the line of friendship began to blur for you. When he had a few girlfriends (all for short periods of time), it became clear to you that he had no interest in you outside of a friendship.

His name got huge after he landed the iconic role of playing Spider-man for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. But your relationship together never faded, along with the confusing feelings you learned to label as a crush. Your “crush” eventually turned into a “like”, and then…well, you would be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t in love with the man.

And as you smoothed your hands over the velvet dress, your heart swelled at the idea of it all. A girl in love with her best friend.

You took a deep breath and pulled your conscience away from your reflection. You hastingly put in the dangly, gold earrings with matching green gems that Tom also ordered for you. Sparkling gold heels rested by the bed, waiting for your feet to become ridiculously uncomfortable. You strapped them on and grabbed your black clutch on the bed. You peered one last time at your shared hotel room before walking out and to the elevators.

Outside, a car was ready to escort you to the event. As you rode, you made light conversation with Tom’s driver, Eddy, and asked about his family and how his night was. While entering, sitting, and exiting the car, you repeated numerous thank you’s just like you did every time he escorted you. A few events ago, you overheard him say you were something along the lines of “kind-hearted” and “a keeper”, which made you smile to yourself. But you swear Tom replied saying “that’s the goal”.

Maybe it was all in your head, but it never left you. Even if it was, you wanted to hold onto it–the sliver of possibility that there might be something between you and Tom.

You trailed up the long, creme cemented stairs and opened the double glass doors. The lobby was roomy and extremely tall for no good reason besides the glistening chandelier that hung from the roof. The floor was covered in red velvet carpet with a white and gold marble outline. Heels padding the carpet, you checked in easily and were directed to the ballroom area. You followed and strutted into the decked out event.

Similar to the lobby, red velvet and marble decorated the floor and walls. The foundation of the walls were dark wood, which matched pleasantly with the other colors. Accents of gold were everywhere, including the white-clothed tables; candle holders, golden tassels, and picture frames. Voices buzzed all around you, but you hardly acknowledged anyone before taking in the beauty of the room. This was definitely one of the fanciest events you’ve ever been to.

After a welcoming look, you scanned the crowded tables for a familiar face. Or, familiar faces. Since this was The Brothers Trust charity event, all of the Holland brothers were present. That being said, it was also one of your first questions you had asked Tom when he asked for you to go. Why would you need to go if he had the support of all his brothers? You would just be there.

But that’s all he wanted. He just wanted you there. At his events, by his side; in his house, in his bed, in his arms–he always just wanted you there.

You got easily distracted by the outfits and people that it took you a minute to find him. But when your eyes spotted his face, your heart skipped a beat so frequent and fast that it became comfortable. Tom stood in a criminally charming tux by a table of middle-aged people, conversing with a wide smile plastered on his tan face. You watched as he laughed whole-heartedly when Harry made a joke, clutching onto his arm for support.

Without noticing, you had swallowed all your saliva and weren’t breathing correctly. Once your brain and body wanted to function, you used your legs to wander his way.

Tom was busy talking to one of his associates at another table when you caught his eye from across the room. The words that left the older man’s mouth turned into a muffled hum along with all the other voices in the room as he gazed at you. He’s seen you in a numerous amount of dresses, all beautiful and glamorous in their own way. But the dress you’re sporting tonight caused his breath to hitch in his throat and heart stop–correction, it made everything stop. Everyone around you blurred as he absorbed the image of you strutting towards him in that dangerous green and gold.

Dangerous because he might not be able to hold himself back tonight.

“Uh, Tom?” The associate questioned, causing Tom to shake his head and peer down at the man. Before the man could continue about whatever he was talking about, Tom politely, but quickly excused himself with a pat on his shoulder and met with you in the midst of the room.

He inhaled deeply to appear unaffected, like you didn’t just ruin his entire night–entire life–by taking his breath away and looking drop-dead gorgeous. He wouldn’t be too surprised if you killed him.

“This place is ethereal,” You said, head spinning and arms waving. “I cannot believe you made me come to this.”

“Why? You don’t like it?”

“Tom, I just said it was beautiful. Of course I like it. It’s just…a lot,” Your arms cross and you tuck your clutch under your armpit. “I don’t think this scene works for me.”

“Me either. You stick out like a sore thumb,” He teases with an exaggerated sigh. You dramatically gasp.

“What is that supposed to mean?!” You whisper-shout, leaning closer to him. He feels your breath fan his cheek and a slight blush creeps up his neck at the proximity. He doesn’t want to look down because he knows that he would get a glimpse of your breasts perched up by your crossed arms. However, his eyes betray him as his glances quickly at the pair causing a subtle twitch in his cock.

No more looking, Tom, he tells himself.

“You’re way prettier than all of these people. You’re killin’ all of their egos and raising all of their jealousies. If everyone hates me, I’m blamin’ you and that goddamn dress,” Tom expresses with gritted teeth, eyes wandering anywhere but yours. A wave of heat rushes up your neck and your eyes have a staring contest with the carpet.

When you finally have the courage to look back up, his eyes are piercing into yours causing your skin to feel flushed all over. The glare of his brown eyes kindles a small fire in the pits of your stomach, dull but throbbing. The feeling travels lower until there’s a slight drip in your thong.

“I’m glad I chose a good one,” He adds, eyes drifting to scan your entire frame once again with his hands behind his back. Your breasts raise up and down with the deep breaths you take, still unable to comprehend his previous words. You shake your head.

“You chose it?” You always thought it was some stylist, or literally anyone else but Tom. You thought it was just his money that he used to rent it. “Do you always choose my dresses?”

He nods matter-of-factly. “Of course. I’d like to think I know what you like.”

He wasn’t wrong. Every dress that he chose looked like it was made exclusively for you and only you. Whether it was flowy or tight, red or white, you always managed to leave the hotel room more confident than you had when you entered. Now that you think about it, you don’t remember ever telling Tom your sizing. It must have been something he learned along the way because like you said, every dress fit perfectly like it was tailored for you.

Before you could respond, a lady tapped on his shoulder and introduced herself. Tom didn’t hesitate to take a step back and introduce both himself and you. You greeted the lady kindly as you three talked about the goodness of the event. After a few minutes, the auction was set to begin and Tom had to excuse himself.

Before he went on stage, he showed you your seat, which was right in the front with Harry, Sam, and Paddy. You didn’t sit before giving them each a heartwarming hug, even though you saw them all yesterday. Even though you were in a glamorous ballroom you weren’t used to, you felt comforted by the boys you were close enough with to call the brothers you never had.

Sometimes, you wished you saw Tom that way. But when you compared the feelings in your heart and your head, you knew they could never be the same.

Finally, the auction started. Tom’s name glowed in dotted lights on the striped wall behind him. You turned your whole body to face Tom as he introduced the entire event before it got kick-started. Many items were being auctioned; paintings, autographed guitars, and other things that were so far out of your price range that you were deaf to all numbers over the thousands.

In between each item were fun little trivia games to keep the people awake and alert. It was an entertaining way to support a charity, and you felt a sense of pride because you knew it had been Tom’s idea. One of the trivia questions had been to guess how many na’s there were in “Hey Jude” by The Beatles. Some people got insanely close, but no one got it on the money.

After all the auctioning and bidding was over, you felt immensely poor, but felt instantly better when Tom came to sit next to you. The room chatted away, wining and dining while Tom’s brothers did the same. Unlike them, Tom turned to you.

“How are you?” His voice was raspy, probably from talking for hours. That subtle fire in your stomach tingles at his voice. You turn your body to face him.

“I’m good. You did really well up there, by the way,” You said, lifting your nearly empty wine glass to your lips. There’s a blurring stain from your shiny lip gloss on the rim.

“Thanks, love,” The graveliness of his throat doesn’t fade, even after he takes a few sips of water. You watch as his fingers wrap around the cup, and it’s embarrassing that you’re obsessed with his simplistic movements. You subconsciously lick your lips, unable to rid the dirty thoughts piling in your head.

Tux. Pretty. Hot. Raspy voice. Thick fingers.

Tom’s lips started moving, but you weren’t paying enough attention, too caught up in your head to focus on the living dream in front of you.

“What?” You asked, subtly leaning toward him. He leaned closer, lying a hand on your bare thigh through your slit. You quietly gasp because his hand is chilly from the water, but also because it was so close to where you ached. Your skin burned nearly causing you to break out in a sweat, contradicting his icy palm.

“Are you okay?” His other hand gently patted against your forehead and caressed your hot cheek with his thumb. “You’re warm.”

No shit. Does he see what he’s doing?

You couldn’t formulate a response when his hand traveled down to rest on the curve of your shoulder and neck. His hand on your mid-thigh rubbed reassuring circles as your heart thumped a million miles an hour.

“I’m fine,” You vaguely answered in a squeak, subtly squeezing your thighs when his touch got too much. His eyes glance briskly at your tightened thighs and anxious hands in your lap, a knowing eyebrow raising slightly. Tom didn’t mean to put his hand on your thigh, but now that it was there, he didn’t want to remove it. When he saw you squirm for a sliver of a second, he engaged in the idea that you might be turned on.

The thought made his cock twitch needily in his pants.

You didn’t notice, too concentrated on the feeling of his hands on you.

You wanted him to slide his hand up higher, to break that boundary that you’ve waited years to cross. But of course, when your chances were closer than ever, you had to be at some stupid, very public event. And doing anything explicit would be stupid.

“Are you sure? You’re burning up, love,” Tom’s hand squeezes the back of your heated neck causing you to inhale sharply. “And you’re so tense. What’s up, Y/N?”

You clenched your teeth. You began to run through every excuse in your mind, just like you had when Tom first asked you to this event. But he wasn’t texting you or calling you this time. He was sitting right in front of you with his hands on your neck and thigh. You nearly moaned out from just him rubbing your skin, his touch delicate with his rough skin. With every excuse you thought of, you couldn’t think of one that made sense enough for Tom to want to leave you alone for the rest of the night so you could collect yourself.

“I’m just really hot,” You complained in a low voice. Tom’s eyebrows raised, pursing and tightening his lips. To Tom, your voice sounded whiny and lustful. His dick stirred, slightly hardening at the growing conclusion that you’re highly aroused. Like him.

“What can I do, love?” He noticed the smallest quiver of your lip at the name, almost as if you were holding something in. He’s called you love for ages, so maybe it was something else. Or someone else…

What if it wasn’t even him? If it wasn’t him then what had you so worked up?

“Um…can we go outside? Need some air,” Your eyes traveled down to his pink lips, looking so soft and kissable. You were barely a foot away from him before he nodded and stood up. You didn’t know you were holding your breath until a wavering sigh left your mouth. Tom extends his hand and you follow him to what you assume is outside.

He leads you out a back door after giving a curt nod to a security guard. The chilly February night breeze brushes over your skin, finally cooling you down as Tom releases your hand. The exit led to an alleyway, a brick wall that grew darker one way. You strained your eyes on each brick and attempted to concentrate on your breathing. But Tom’s looming presence made it impossible because that fire in the pit of your stomach never dulled.

“Feelin’ better?” He broke the silence and it had you swinging your head to face him. You shakingly nodded your head with a quick hum.

You couldn’t take it. You couldn’t stand so close to him while you were feeling this way.

“I have to go,” You exhaled briskly before beginning to walk away. Tom told you to wait, but you didn’t.

You didn’t get more than a few steps before Tom caught your hand and spun you around magically. Your shoulders collided with the surface as he stood in front of you, caging you to the wall. Your breathing faltered as your heart bounced crazily against your ribs, skin beginning to burn up again. He faced the floor before finally meeting your wide eyes. He gazed at you as if he was searching for something and you wanted to give it to him, whatever it was, so he would stop looking at you intensely.

“Why do you always do that?” His voice was a whisper, low and still a tad raspy.

“What?” You scanned his features, allured by his lips only inches away from yours. He’s never been so close and it was dangerous. So, so dangerous. The only barrier in between you was that line of friendship that thinned with every passing second.

“Always run away. Every time…”

Your heart raced faster than it ever has before. It thumped out of your chest like a lovestruck cartoon character as he had you hanging on every single word.

He closed his eyes for a moment, seeming to collect his thoughts. “Every time I get close. Every time I want to be closer, you make up some excuse so you don’t have to be near me. Am I that horrible, Y/N? Is the possibility of this that horrible?”

Possibility? Possibility of what? Oh, please be what you’re thinking.

“No, God, of course not. You’re perfect. You’re too perfect that I get…overwhelmed when I’m near you. I can’t do this,” You shake your head and try to duck away under his arms. You’re completely disarmed when one of his hands drops to pin your hip down. Your wiggling comes to a halt.

“There you go again. Just stay, Y/N,” He leans toward you, mouth hovering near your ear. Your senses dial up to a hundred when you feel his breath tickle your skin. “You’re still warm, Y/N.”

You bite your lip, holding in a whimper that was threatening to leave your mouth. Your hips subtly moved against his hand that stationed you to the wall, but you weren’t going anywhere.

A thick thigh parts your legs, pinning you to the wall more securely. You gasp as his hand that was on your hip travels up and brushes over the warm skin of your cheek. You search for the words in your brain.

Maybe instead of avoiding it, just go with it.

Tom is struggling. Being this close to you has his cock rock hard under his trousers. He’s sure you could feel him against your bare leg, which was slightly spread for his own leg. His chest was restricting and blocking his air flow because he couldn’t breathe correctly. Your glossy lips were plush and soft, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss you until you shared oxygen.

You felt what you assumed was his large boner on your thigh. You mewled so delicately you weren’t sure if he heard it, but he did.

You felt years of friendship being slowly torn apart with every second he didn’t say something. You were about to push him off of you and sprint towards your hotel, which was miles and miles away, so you could die of embarrassment. Or maybe you would die because of your lack of cardio.

When you looked away from him, his hand adjusted your chin so you were staring directly at him. A soft kind of smile adorned his lips, but no words were spoken quite yet. You hated the sliver of hope that leaked from your heart. His thumb rubbed against your bottom lip and pulled it down, smearing your lip gloss.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited to kiss these lips?” Throat husky, he pushed himself impossibly closer to you, lips barely an inch away now. His nose bumped yours and you felt the breath evaporate from your lungs. “Sixteen years.”

“Sixteen years…” You repeated breathily. If you were to do the math, which your brain was very incapable of doing right now, that would be your entire friendship. Since you were only ten years old, Tom has been waiting to kiss you.

Tom’s been waiting to kiss you for sixteen years? That must mean…

“Promise you won’t run away,” Tom said, on the edge of pleading and demanding. A slow nod was all you did, and then Tom’s thumb slid down to your chin and tilted your head.

He pressed his lips to yours gently, slowly molding you both together. The motions are so agile, but you can feel everything this way. The tip of his tongue nudges yours, eliciting sparks of fire with every push of your lips. Your polished nails trail up and lightly scrape the soft hair on the nape of his neck. A swirl of passion ignites in your stomach, encouraging and begging for more. Eagerly, your movements got faster, rocking your heads together as you took in as much of one another as you could.

His body pins desperately into yours, smushing you against the rough wall. He removes his hand from your chin and slams it on the wall beside your head. His free hand lifts one of your legs, so he can slot himself in between you. A needy whimper escapes you as his clothed bulge presses against your damp thong. You clench around nothing but the aching and throbbing of your pussy.

“T-Tom, the dress–” You pant.

“I’ll buy you another one,” He slams his lips back on yours to shut you up, which of course, it works. But not for long before another excuse is popping up in your head.

“What if someone walks out here–”

“I’ll kill them,” He goes to kiss you again.

“Tom!” You dramatically shout with a giggle as your hand rests on his chest while the other is on his neck.

“Okay, I won’t actually kill them. Unless you want me to…” He drifts off, getting lost in your smile and your sparkling eyes.

At that moment, it hit him. He had you. He finally had you. Like he’s said, he’s waited sixteen years to have you. He’s been through trial and error with other girls, but they weren’t you. No one could ever be you.

Suddenly, someone bursts through the exit door and has both of your heads turning hastingly. Tom gently releases your leg as he scoffs annoyingly when he realizes it’s just his brother. His hand balls into a fist on the wall as he smiles irritatingly at Harry.

“There you are! Can you save this for later? We have things to sign and people to acknowledge,” Harry says before walking briskly back into the building.

“Yeah, let’s just “save this for later” like I haven’t waited long enough,” Tom mocks his brother with a grumble. You feel Tom sigh into the air. You bring your hand to caress his cheek reassuringly. After the last few minutes, you’ve gotten the courage to be a bit more vulnerable with him, without feeling the urge to run away.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve waited a long time, too,” You curl the corners of your lips into a faint smile as you watch your own thumb smooth over his tan skin. Tom practically melts into your touch, smiling goofily at you. “But we’ve waited this long, what’s a few more hours going to do?”

“Kill me,” Tom mumbles dramatically and you roll your eyes. “I don’t want you to run away.”

Your heart aches at his words. You made a promise to him, and you planned to fulfill that. After that kiss and feeling him in ways that you only imagined, you couldn’t run away now. You needed more of him, all of him. But even if you had all of him, you don’t think you’d be able to leave him again.

“I’ll stay by your side all night. Just like you asked,” You reassured and he nodded. He slowly backs away from the wall, releasing you, and all the heat between you dissipates. But your skin still burned from his touch and your clit still throbbed for him. You quickly adjusted your dress and wiped your hands over the fabric.

“How does the dress look? Fucked up?” You asked, spinning in a half circle. Tom cursed to himself, getting a view of the curve of your ass. That dress really did fit you perfectly, but he wanted nothing more than for it to be off of you.

“Not nearly as bad as I want it to be,” He husked, the sexual innuendo hanging in the air. He quickly swipes his thumb under your lip to fix your smeared gloss before leading you back inside. You blink a few times as he drags you through the door. You weren’t used to him being so blunt, but you loved it. It made you aware that there was something between you and Tom.

You had both surpassed the line of friendship ages ago. You looked back at it like a distant horizon as you entered a new, long-awaited arena; romance.

–

After what you swear was the longest two hours of your life, Tom had talked to every person at least twice with the addition of his goodbyes. Ever since you came back from outside, the tension between you and Tom was undeniable. You stuck to your word and were tied to Tom’s side for the straining hours. His hand was placed on your lower back for most of the night torturing you, and it was no different when he was ushering you out of the front door. Hastily, you both went down the steps and into the car with Eddy.

You tried your best to make normal conversation with Eddy like you usually do, but when Tom placed his large hand on your bare thigh again, it was hard to comprehend anything. Eventually, you entered traffic and Eddy got a phone call. He pressed a button and the wall that separated him from you and Tom was rolled up.

Tom gave you a knowing look as his hand raised higher on your thigh. Your breath hitched as his fingers were merely inches from your drenched heat. You instinctively spread your legs a bit wider, allowing him more access. He leans toward you, purposefully missing your lips and pecking your cheek. He tucks a stray strand of hair around your ear causing shivers to crawl up your spine.

“Are you wet, darling?” His thumb rubs dangerously close to your clothed cunt. Finally, his finger skims over the laced fabric, soaking. You whine when his delicate, teasing touch pets your clit. He chuckles hoarsely. “You’re soaked, baby. Have you been like this all night?”

You nod with closed eyes. “Please, touch me, Tom,” You plead quietly, in fear that Eddy might hear you.

“In the back of the car? Naughty thing,” His fingers press harder into your seeping hole, still covered by your panties. He rubs your hole, thumb petting your clit while your hand slaps over your mouth to keep you quiet. Your chest rises quickly with your racing breaths, your nipples poking at velvet material.

Tom slides your thong to the side, making bare contact with your dripping cunt. He massages your arousal around your folds while his thumb quickens its pace on your throbbing clit. That fire in your lower belly burns deliciously as his movements send you into a frenzy.

“Tom,” You mewled behind your hand suctioned to your face. Tom groans as his middle finger slips into your hole easily. Your hips buck into his touch, back slightly arched.

“Almost there, Mr. Holland,” Eddy informs on the other side of the wall. Your eyes widen as your heart beats quickly in a panic.

What if you get caught? Oh God, you would seriously die of embarrassment.

“Okay,” Tom replies simply, as if he’s unaffected and he isn’t fingering you in the back of a car. Tom’s voice lowers and instantly becomes raspier. “Are you almost there, Y/N?”

You remove your hand from your face, so you can hold onto his shoulder and nod briskly. Your nails dig into his tux jacket as your head slams against the leather seat. Rolling your hips for more, Tom inserts another finger into you and curls them. Your teeth stab into your bottom lip, probably drawing blood, so you don’t scream and alert the whole street.

“I need you to come, love. Right now,” His order was soft and sexy, but demanding and dirty. The thrusts of his fingers only increase in pace as he tries to get you to your orgasm before the car comes to a stop. With another curl of his fingers and a nudge to your clit, your stomach tightened until relief flooded over you.

Noticing this, Tom crashes his lips onto yours to dull your sweet noises. Every moan, scream, and whimper melts into his mouth as his fingers gradually pump into you. Your legs spasm intensely as your release coats his fingers. Tom pulls away from you and takes his fingers out from your sopping cunt, messy with your arousal and cum.

He doesn’t hesitate to raise the substance up to his pink lips, licking it clean off his hand with a devilish smirk on his face. You watch him do so with a widened mouth while you try to catch your breath, panting.

“Did so good, love,” His smirk never fades as the car comes to a stop. Before you know it, Eddy is unlocking and opening your door for you both. You exit first while trying to fix your disheveled appearance, so your post-orgasm look isn’t too suspicious. You mumble a thank you as you hurriedly walk to the front door of the lavish hotel. You stop in your tracks, almost forgetting your clutch in the car. Turning around, you walk back to the car and overhear Eddy and Tom again.

“I’m no fool, Mr. Holland. You told her.”

“I know you’re not, Eddy. And I did. Finally,” Eddy pats him on the shoulder. “And you can call me Tom, you know. We’re friends.”

“I know, I know. Because as your friend and driver, I know when to roll up the partition.”

As a wave of heat rushes up your neck and cascades onto your face, you realize that the clutch wasn’t that important and someone would return it. You resume your fast-paced walk into the hotel with an uncontrollable smile on your face.

A girl in love with her best friend.

–

Since you didn’t have your clutch, you were standing in front of your hotel room waiting for Tom. He wasn’t long after you, finally walking up to you with a smug smirk on his face. And your clutch in his hands. You snatch it from him.

“Finally, I can take these heels off,” You moan, slipping them off as he scans the card and unlocks the room. You place them on the floor near the door and head straight for your room. You don’t get too far, though, because Tom captured your hand and is twirling you around just like earlier in the night.

He traps you on the door, instantly warm against you. You feel his bulge poke your bare thigh as he spreads your legs slightly, fitting in between them. He grabs your hands and pins them above your hands.

“Your dress,” Rough and raspy, his breath fans your cheek.

“What about it?” You whisper, swallowing as your heart falters.

“I need it on the floor,” He husks. You hesitate, so aroused you can’t think straight. You just had an orgasm in the car and you were already horny again. This man made you insatiable.

“Then take it off,” You reply. Everything was so quiet around you. The only things you could hear were your ragged breathing and galloping heart. Tom groans, but listens.

He drops your hands and then folds the straps off your shoulders until your dress is pooled around your ankles. Now, you stood anxious in nothing but a black thong.

“Fuck me,” He grumbles after just looking at you for a second. Your breasts were bare and perky, nippled pebbled from being so turned on. He wanted to put them in his mouth and suck on them until you were sore and begging him to stop.

“That’s the goal,” You’re not sure if he got the reference, but he chuckled, voice even more raspy from the low talking.

“I knew you heard that conversation, you minx,” Without a warning, Tom sweeps you off the ground and throws you over his shoulder. You squeal, squirming in his hold, but it doesn’t even phase him as he leads you toward his bedroom. He jokingly slaps one of your ass cheeks causing you to shriek at the jolt of pain. You won’t lie, it turned you on even more.

Tom tosses you on the bed easily, watching as you scramble to lay on your elbows. You gaze at him with a seductively lip bite, wondering what he has in store for you.

“Touch yourself,” He orders as he loosens his bowtie around his neck. “C’mon, want to see what you can do.”

Hesitatingly, your hand sails down to your laced thong, slick with arousal. Your fingers rub your throbbing clit causing you to sigh and spread your legs. Your eyes drift shut as you get immersed in the feeling of your own hand. Your other hand massages your breast, gently pulling on your nipples. Getting eager, you yank your panties off. You get a glimpse at Tom, who is admiring your every move in nothing now.

Fuck.

You’ll never get used to Tom’s body. He was attractive on a God-scale level and sometimes that scared you. But finally seeing his whole body was jaw-dropping. His cock was girthy with a good amount of length that you had a feeling would kill you. His tip was pink like his lips, and like his lips, you wanted your mouth on it. Was he even real?

You didn’t get too much time to think about it because Tom was removing your hand from between your legs while hovering over you. His brown orbs ogle yours, piercing into your soul and reading you. Although you were way past friendship, entering the “romance” area was very scary. If not, scarier. Tom’s body above yours and the way you could see every detail of his skin terrified you. But you’ve never wanted something more in your entire life.

You pushed your head up, interlocking your lips with his. You melt into a passionate kiss, your hands entwining with his brown locks. Tom drags his lips down your neck, sucking for a moment on a sensitive part. Moaning, his smirks smugly against your skin, trailing lower. He meets your breast and immediately begins to suck on it.

You sharply inhale as his tongue swirls around the bud. His other hand twists the other causing your back to bend off the mattress. It should be illegal for him to be this good with his mouth. He could cause some serious damage.

He sails lower and lower until he’s kissing the skin near your heat. You’re already panting and he hasn’t even touched you yet. His mouth licks your thighs, teasing you immensely. You had already come once tonight around his fingers, you didn’t expect his mouth too. Although you would love to have his mouth on you, right now, you just needed him inside of you. You needed to feel him stretch you out and officially break that boundary.

“I really need you inside of me. Like right now,” You yank on his hair, pulling him towards you. He moans at your words and you love how vocal he is.

“Need a condom, fuck, hold on–”

“Can you actually um…not have one?” You suggested, voice shaky as the question came out. You just wanted to feel him. Everything that he was willing to give you, you wanted. You’ve both waited too long for this. In some way, you felt like you were in a relationship with him this whole time.

Maybe that’s what friendship to relationship feels like.

“Are you…are y’sure? I mean, I’m clean and everythin’–”

“Tom,” You put a reassuring hand to his warm cheek. “I’ve never wanted something more.”

“Christ,” He grits and strokes his shaft above your cunt a few times. His tip teases your entrance, and the small, but very bare contact had you both hissing into the air. “So fucking wet for me.”

His dribble of pre-cum mixes with your arousal as he rubs himself against you. Finally after ten years of waiting, literally, he slowly pushed himself inside of you. The crown of his cock is squeezed by your walls as if you were going to lose him. He curses, pulling himself out an inch, just to add more of his length.

Just like you craved, you feel the impending stretch as his entire cock gradually enters you. Once he’s fully in you, you sigh as he holds the position for a moment. You both take in the feeling of the moment; you’re never going to forget his body on yours or the look on his face as he slowly moves.

“God, you’re so fuckin’ tight, darlin’,” Tom moans with a lip bite.

“Please, please, move,” Just as eager as you, he obeys your request.

He lifts his hips, almost pulling completely out, before thrusting back inside. You cohesively moan, your mixed sounds echoing off the hotel walls. His leisure rocks gently accelerate into powerful pumps, hitting that sensitive spot with a simple nudge of his cock. Your body naturally levitates toward his body, pushing your neglected breasts on his skin.

Tom rams his cock into you, pinning you to the bed with his harsh thrusts. His head falls in the cradle of your shoulder as one of his hands lifts your leg to spread you wider. When his dick sinks entirely deeper, you gasp and drown in a mix of moans and screams. Your nails dig into his tough shoulder blades, probably leaving crescent moon shaped marks. Your leg wraps around his backside, forcing him to be deep inside of you forever.

Your head is thrown back onto his pillow, hair fanned out wildly. When Tom lifts his head to look at you, the wind practically gets knocked out of him. You were drop-dead gorgeous in your dress, like he said. God, your naked, bare figure nearly sent him into cardiac arrest. But watching you wither in complete bliss underneath him gave him a sense of pride that he was the one making you feel this way. No one else. And it would never be anyone else ever again.

With this thought, his cock pumps barbarically into you, rightfully proving to you that your friendship will never be the same. He repeatedly pokes at your G-spot, eliciting debauched shrieks from you. When you thought it couldn’t feel any better, Tom’s hand sneaks between you both and circles lightly on your clit.

“Feels so good. God, you’re so good,” You praise breathily. Clenching around him, a shuddering moan leaves him. “I’m so close, please.”

“Gonna come for me, hm? Need to feel you come around my cock,” Tom orders with another jarring thrust into your cunt. Your eyes roll to the back of your head with his demanding words, your body on the verge of caving.

Squeezing around him greedily, your entire figure tenses as an overpowering wave of relief floods over you. Your abdominal muscles clench intensely, your hands cramping from fisting his skin so hard. Your legs flutter around him as you begin to coat his cock in your release. At the same time, you feel the twitch of Tom’s length inside of you, alerting you that he’s close.

“Where do you want me to…” He grunts when you clutch around him from overstimulation. A string of curses leak from his mouth as he holds back his load, waiting for your response.

“I-Inside, please. Fuck, I need it inside of me, Tom,” You panted as he practically growls against your perspired skin.

“Fuckin’ killing me, angel. Shit,” Finally, Tom releases into you, pumping sloppily as he does so. You sigh relievingly as his orgasm covers your walls, tingling your insides. He slowly pushes every drop inside of you, ensuring you didn’t miss any.

Your eyelids flutter closed as Tom falls on the bed beside you. Your body sinks into the mattress beneath you, suddenly too tired to move. You had a keen feeling that tomorrow you would struggle to walk, or move in general.

“Tom,” You start. “I think you just ruined me forever.”

“Good,” His post-orgasm was somehow even more sexy. It was groggy and double raspy. He drags your body towards him and holds you close. Your head relaxes on his buff chest, his rapid beating heart making you smile to yourself. “I want to ruin you for everyone else.”

The heat on your skin that you thought had ceased never did, not with his flirtatious and alluring comments. A flush creeps up and makes your cheeks all warm against his torso.

“You know you’re mine now, right?”

“That’s definitely not how I pictured you asking me out…”

“Well, how did you picture it?” The truth is, you never really pictured it. You never let yourself think that far because then you would start getting hopeful. And being hopeful made you scared, and when you were scared…you ran away. It was a constant loop of life you lived in. However, with Tom lying beside you as your face was cradled in his chest, you had a feeling you wouldn’t have a problem staying this time.

“How about “Will you be my girlfriend?” That seems better.”

“But what if you said no? Might as well jus’ say you’re mine, so you can’t,” He kisses the top of your head softly while you roll your eyes at his foolishness. “Aren’t you glad you went now?”

“Yeah, yeah,” You wave him off. Realizing you have to get up from the comfort of his security, you gently push yourself up into a sitting position.

“I really don’t want to get up.”

“Then don’t? Just stay here. We don’t ever have to leave this room again.”

“As much as I love you, I’m not sleeping with a face full of makeup,” You begin to slide off the bed before you realize what you just said.

Oh fuck. Did you just admit you loved him after not even five minutes of being in a relationship?

“You love me?” He gripped your wrist, but didn’t spin you like what he did earlier. This time he let you stand still in shock of your own words. In every other situation you would have run away or made some excuse. But you wanted to be different. You didn’t want to be so easily intimidated by intimacy or vulnerability anymore. You really did love Tom, you always have, even if it took you a little longer than him to realize it.

Maybe instead of avoiding it, just go with it.

“Yeah, I do,” You smile full-heartedly at Tom, delicately biting your lip. A part inside of you bursted open, unlocking all sorts of emotions you didn’t know how to comprehend or express.

“I love you too, So much,” You both lean in to share a passionate kiss, but you cut it short to seriously push him off of you, so you could leave and wash up. If you didn’t have an ounce of self-control for the both of you, you would never leave this hotel room. Tom was clearly the insatiable one.

“If you don’t come back to my bed in five minutes, I’m dragging your ass in here. No warnings,” Tom says before you strut out of his room completely naked. You hear him groan to himself, which makes you giggle like a young school girl.

Walking to your bathroom, the same uncontrollable smile etches on your face like the one you had when you returned to the hotel. You splashed icy cold water to your heated cheeks and tried to rub away the plastered grin, but nothing could dull the adoration you felt for the other man in your hotel room. Instead of trying to erase it, you stared and allowed yourself to feel the emotion without running away from it.

A girl in love with her best friend.

A boy in love with his best friend.

Best friends who are stupidly in love with each other.

–

this was wayy longer than i thought. i liked this a lot more than i thought i would, too. i hope you enjoyed it just as much :D

tags: @lnmp89 @crybabyddl @pretty-npeach @marine-mayday @aerangi @justanotherpasserby-blog @tinafuentes @moniffazictress11 @eywaheardyou @alwaysclassyeagle @mrstealuregirl @bisexual-desi @sherlockstrangewolf @madsttx @graywrites20 @bradtomlovesya @raajali3

crossed out= not able to tag

[camillesblogsposts]

Say yes to me - three

Song- dream girl, lana del rey

@blairfox04 @lostcasefile @kyleeservopoulos @cursedpixie @ellieinmybed @intrnetdoll @frasersgf @alanahendrix @experiencebeinanamericanwh0re @ariianelle @nil-eena @spidersammy @starhrtz

“She said it’s different with me.”

“What?” Cat’s face scrunched up.

“Ellie, she said it’s different with me than it is with you and Dina and Jesse.” You told her. She had said that. You didn’t exactly know what she had meant by that, but it must have meant something. “Well yeah, she’s friends with us, she’s not with you.” Cat snapped, turning on her tv as to ignore you.

“Why do you think she doesn’t wanna be friends with me?” You sat on the end of her bed. Cat shrugged, “Ellie likes strong people.” That made sense. “The more you try suck up to her the less she likes you.” She continued on. “I don’t suck up to her.” You crossed your arms a little defensively. She rolled her eyes. You didn’t try to. You just wanted her to know what you had to offer; you weren’t lying or exaggerating, you wanted to be able to dote on her all day every day.

Somebody knocked on the door and Cat went to fetch it, Dina following soon after back into Cats bedroom. She smiled warmly at you, quickly embracing you. “Hello sunshine,” she hummed against you before pulling away. “When Ellie and Jesse get back from patrol how about we all have a movie night?” She looked to you and Cat to gage your responses. You nodded and gave her a big smile. Cat nodded too.

You had a quick shower and got changed, tidying your room hurriedly just in case anybody ended up in there for whatever reason. You’d be watching movies in your small living room, the usual arrangement was Jesse and Dina on the smaller sofa and you, Cat and Ellie on the larger one. Cat seemed to love that, physically being between the two of you. Your heart would be going crazy in your chest from being so close to Ellie, every time without fail.

You’d just walked back out into the kitchen when the front door opened, Jesse walking in alone. You smiled at him, a little confused, “Where’s Ellie?” He smiled back softly, “She’s getting stitched up by Maria, she got grabbed and-” you cut him off “Is she okay?” He nodded. “Nothing serious, just a few cuts.” You nodded back at him, grabbing your shoes and shoving them on, quickly walking past him. He grabbed your arm.

“Y/N, she’s lucky to have someone care about her so much, even if she doesn’t appreciate it.”

You didn’t reply to him, looking down and leaving. You hated when people said things like that. You didn’t care about Ellie in hopes that she’d show how much she appreciates it, you just felt that way for her. You wanted her to be reminded of it every day.

You walked quickly to the infirmary, the little wooden star you’d been traded at the market in hand. Ellie was there, laid down on top of a bed. She was asleep. “She’s okay, the painkillers make you drowsy, she’s okay to sleep for a short while.” Maria spoke, examining you quickly. Ellie’s arms were bandaged. “You stay here with her for me, I have to go find Tommy, when she wakes up she’s okay to leave.” She smiled at you quickly, sort of robotically. Maria left in a rush.

You felt a little awkward, you sat on the edge of the bed besides Ellie. Even asleep she looked so tense. Hesitantly, you stroked her hair behind her ear. You settled down to lay beside her, watching her chest dip down and up as she breathed. It was so comforting. You could feel her warmth on your skin, all you could smell was Ellie. You could’ve fell asleep like that. After a short while, Ellie opened her eyes. She looked shocked to see your face, blinking rapidly for a moment.

“What are you,”

“Sorry! Maria asked me to watch you.” You jolted to sit up and Ellie extended her hand quickly, preventing you from moving. You were pinned back down beside her, face to face. Your heart skipped a beat. She didn’t say anything else.

“Are your arms okay?” You whispered, struggling to look in her eyes. “Yeah.” She whispered back to you, voice rough. You closed your eyes, “If you’d let me, I’d kiss them better.” You heard Ellie’s breath hitch. You looked up at her, her eyes were wide, she was biting her lip. “You’re so fucking cruel to me.” She huffed, turning to lay on her back. You were confused. “What?” You asked, leaning over her to see her face again. She refused to look at you. “Nothing.” She mumbled. It was awkward again for a moment.

You remembered what Maria had said and got up, “You’re okay to leave, Dina said we’re all having a movie night.” You smiled at her, stroking your hands together anxiously. Ellie nodded, standing and walking to leave. She held the door open for you.

Once you were home, everyone had already settled into the sofas and got comfy. Cat motioned for Ellie to join her and before she did she turned to you, “Thanks for watching me, or whatever.” Her voice was quiet. You nodded and smiled. It was probably the first time Ellie had ever thanked you.

You sat beside Cat, your usual seat. Everyone fussed over Ellie for a minute or two in jest, irritating her. You were watching some action movie, not really your speed. You realised you had fell asleep after being shoved off of Cat, “If you’re gonna fall asleep don’t use my shoulder as your pillow.” She moaned, crossing her arms and shuffling away from you, closer to Ellie. You yawned and stretched, standing up a little wobbly. “M’ tired, gonna go to bed.” You spoke, waving your byes to everyone as you walked out of the living room. Ellie watched you with a strange look. You wondered what she was thinking.

You realised you still had the wooden star in your hand and quickly scurried back to the living room, waving at Ellie quietly as to try not to distract everyone from the movie. Ellie stood, Dina smirking at her a little as she noticed why Ellie was walking out of the room.

She closed the living room door behind her, the intimacy of it making you feel a little hot. It was just the two of you in the hallway. She didn’t say anything, looking down at you with hooded eyes.

“Got you something.” You whispered. She raised an eyebrow, waiting. You presented it, your little wooden star. She smiled, a small, hesitant, awkward kind of smile. “Why?” She asked, her hand raising to rub her neck. “Just made me think of you.” You told her, smiling and blushing. You wanted her to wrap her arms around you, let you touch her, kiss your forehead and tell you how much she loves it.

“You shouldn’t keep.. doing .. and saying stuff like that.” She was growing annoyed, now. A second before she’d been smiling. You realised that it was whatever she was thinking of that dampened her mood, not you.

“I know you don’t like me and that’s okay, I just wanted you to have this.” You were tearing up again. God, you thought, you must be so fucking insufferable to be around. Such a cry baby. Ellie’s jaw clenched. “I’ve never said that.” She grumbled. You were confused again. You swung back and forth your feet, pouting a little. “You don’t have to say it for me to know it.” You felt guilty after saying that, biting your tongue. “You’re so fucking difficult, you know?” She turned her head away from you, looking down the hallway, arms crossed.

“M’ sorry, sorry, I don’t want to upset you.” Your voice was cracking now. Ellie audibly gulped, her face coming back to yours. “Fuck, god, how don’t you fucking get it?” She sounded, strangely, hurt. You met her gaze, your tears streaming down your face now. It was harder to stop it when you were sleepy. “If I don’t get it then why can’t you just explain it to me? Tell me what’s wrong with me, I already told you, I’ll change it.” You were blubbery, Ellie growing nervous the others would hear your crying.

“Listen, just stop crying, okay? Get yourself to bed.” She tried hushing you, her hand hesitantly wiping away tears. You shook your head, “Just tell me what’s wrong with me.” Ellie grabbed your hand and pulled you down the hallway to your bedroom without a word, pulling you inside. “Nothing is wrong with you, Y/N. You just, the way you act, it’s fucking horrible for me.” Her voice was high with emotion. You were still crying, a rather pathetic display. “Why?” You whined out, your breathing unsteady. She sighed again, so so so fucking annoyed that you just didn’t get it. It seemed to painfully obvious to her but honestly, she was the only person that knew how she felt. Her and Joel.

“If you can’t fucking stop it then just stay the fuck away from me, feel like you’re torturing me every time you’re close.”

“I can’t help liking you.”

“What the fuck do you want me to do about it? Im not gonna be your fake fucking friend, pretending that I don’t, don’t feel,” She stopped herself. It seemed like you were having two completely different conversations.

You were quiet, sniffling to yourself. Ellie’s face was scrunched up. She came and knelt down on the floor, her face close to yours as you sat on your bed. “I wish you felt.. wish you wanted me.” You whispered. Ellie’s face grew red, she looked a little confused and taken aback. “How… how do you mean?” Her eyebrows furrowed. You struggled for the words. “Like… like those two girls in your book.”

Ellie’s head could have literally exploded. She had never ever ever once considered that you had thought of her in that way. She’d spent every day of her life since she’d met you obsessing over you, analysing you; the way your face moved, how you spoke, what these little changes meant about how you felt. She’d desired you so deeply and wholly it horrified her. You scared her. She hated how it made her feel, the way her throat clenched whenever you were in her line of vision. All of your little comments, all of your pouts and whining and little touches, they’d all been intended to entice her? She couldn’t grasp it.

Your bedroom door was opened, Cat stood, mouth agape. The day, seemingly, had came.

[gattnk]

For every shadow there's a light source. For Malachia, there's Reina.

The superior villain pair of the show and the highlight of the first season, everyone! I would've kept them secret for a bit longer but my darling @angelsfriendsass did one of their famous crossover pieces showcasing my (until now) server-exclusive Reina so... I guess my hands are tied :P Here's how the magic happened:

The first thing I did when I set myself to revamp the Angel's Friends plot, was work on Reina and Malachia's role in the story. They're the driving force behind the plot in both the series and the comic, which meant it was crucial to determine what their story would be this time around: what would I keep, what would I change, and what would be tossed out entirely.

I looked into Igor Chimisso's work for Malachia and Reina to better understand his design work (he was a lead character designer for the series). I also looked into their theme songs for inspiration. My research brought me to four key words: light, shadows, opposites, and neutrality. Reina would be searing light, and Malachia would be creeping shadows. The "opposites" and "neutrality" concepts would tie them together and unify their designs.

I love the idea of protagonists seeing themselves mirrored by their antagonists in some way. Reina used to be an angel in the show and Malachia used to be a devil in the comics, so I cemented this into my own canon; they would mirror Raf and Sulfus quite naturally this way.

Malachia's new personality and role as a "creeping shadow" made me choose a variety of greys for him. Being a former devil, his focus on ambiguity and "neutrality" would fit well with him. Reina instead has more polarizing tones, dealing in extremes like the "searing light" she embodies: being a former angel, her line of thought would be more black and white, and this would be reflected in her dress with "opposite" hues.

You can't have a villain duo without complementary concepts, and what better way to represent complementary concepts than with complementary colors? I gave Reina yellow eyes and Malachia purple ones, and included "hints" of each other by adding shades of these colors on their counterpart.

Malachia has ochre accents, a yellowed shirt and bronze skin, very straightforward. Reina has dark magenta accents and her iconic blue hair to tie her to his counterpart. I considered white hair like her young self in the series at first, but it clashed with the dress; I took a page from her adult design and kept her silver bangs to frame her face instead.

Reina's shattered halo pieces are arranged over her head like a crown, a tongue-in-cheek reference to her name ("queen" in spanish) and her position of leadership in Limbo. Malachia instead used his shattered horns to fashion himself a diapason, like the one in the comics. The function of this tool is very different in my rewrite, but I'll keep the specifics to myself for now ;P

Also, I wasn't entirely sure where to include this, but remember how angels are tied to circles and devils to triangles? Reina, Malachia and other neutrals will be tied to a half circle on top of a triangle, kinda like a diamond with a round top. See how many of those you can spot around!

It'll be a long time before they show up in my fic proper, but I still encourage you to keep your eyes open just in case while you read my rewrite fic. After all, Raf and Sulfus aren't particularly careful or subtle, so who knows what's lurking around the Golden School these days...

I'll Fly With You (rewrite fic) Art masterpost

[shychick-52]

'Day of the Sorcerers' is an even deeper study of Cedric's complex, tormented character than I thought at first. Now, there were a TON of amazing callbacks and symbolism in his incredible song (My Evil Dreams) to his friendship with Sofia and his painful conflict over whether their friendship or his evil dreams were ultimately more important. Here's two examples of incredible symbolism (one is from the song, the other is later in the episode)...

During his fantasy of becoming king, the rubies in the crown are clearly the same rubies Sofia made/gave him way back in 'Cedric's Apprentice':

I think the rubies in the crown represent (like the song in general) how deeply torn he is over his ambitions and her friendship. And it was a good callback to how similarly torn he was back in 'Cedric's Apprentice' after Sofia left him the rubies she transformed with his guidance (arranging them into a heart shape)... back then, he only just started to see her as a friend; what makes the song/symbolism in My Evil Dreams so powerful is how far their friendship had evolved since then and how much she's come to mean to him, which he can't deny.

Later, when Cedric freezes the rest of the royal family and takes the throne, it's not Roland's throne he takes and transforms, oddly enough- it's Sofia's:

I was talking to @bettathanyou about it recently. We think a possibility is that the symbolism reflects the tragedy of Cedric originally choosing his misguided ambition over her friendship, and the grim reality of that choice.

And then Betta went on to add that it also likely reflects Cedric's true desires deep down, which isn't power, but friendship and love and acceptance and support- all of which he's always had in abundance in Sofia (but always forced himself to believe it wasn't enough, which was part of his tragedy). Cedric always claimed he wanted to be king, but he doesn't even take THE KING'S THRONE! He takes Sofia's throne, and we all know what Sofia represents- love, kindness, friendship, respect! All the things Cedric truly wanted, so of course he would take her seat and morph it into his own!

I absolutely agreed with Betta. And then I summed it up by suggesting that it perfectly reflects how even tho on the surface he appeared to choose his ambitions over her friendship, he subconsciously still valued and craved her friendship above all.

And this is something else I noticed ONLY last night after watching this episode again. Cedric transformed Sofia's throne (and the surrounding pillars) to be raven-themed, symbolizing his "loyal" familiar and friend. But as we know, Wormwood never cared about Cedric or had any confidence in his abilities- he only cared about serving a powerful, evil master and becoming powerful by association, which was the only reason he ever stuck by Cedric and did all he could to help him steal Sofia's amulet. It's also why he so obviously manipulated Cedric in the song 'My Evil Dreams' when he was so torn, pushing him to choose vengeance and power over Sofia's friendship: "The princess may be nice to you / But what about the rest? / All those who point and laugh at you / Must see that you're the best!" (And ofc, Wormwood would eventually abandon Cedric, because he finally realized that Cedric turning over a new leaf meant he was of no more use to his own plans for power).

So, the symbolism in having raven-themed decor in/around what was once Sofia's throne is that it represents the difference between his relationships with Sofia and Wormwood- the purity of Sofia's true friendship and the toxicity of his relationship with Wormwood.

@bettathanyou @fantadym @moonypears-blog

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Jewish Song of the Day #31: Avram Avinu

Comments:

Posting this song today because I can't get it out of my head, it's too catchy, I've been listening to it on repeat

Question for any Sephardi folks: is this a really "big" song in Sephardi nusach? Because when I went looking for Ladino songs, I kept finding version after version of this one song lol.

Here is another excellent version (although it uses an alternate name it's the same song as far as I can tell) and has an excellent explanation in the description:

Vocals & arrangement by Farya Faraji. This is a song from the Sephardi music repertoire; the Jewish community that was expelled from Iberia at the end of the Reconquista, and settled around the Mediterranean, developping diverse regional styles based on where they settled. This specific song is from Tangiers, Morocco, and was written by an anonymous author in 1890. Different songs using this text, or similar ones detailing the birth of Abraham have existed during the centuries, but this one in Maqam Hijaz is the most well known one. My arrangement pays homage to the Moroccan-Spanish background of the song by mixing a Moroccan string section, percussions and oud with a Spanish guitar chord progression similar to Flamenco’s.

Lyrics in Ladino: Kuando el rei Nimrod al kampo salia mirava en el sielo i en la estreyeria vido una lus santa en la juderia Ke avia de naser Avraham Avinu. Chorus: Avraham Avinu, Padre kerido Padre bendicho, lus de Israel. Luego a las komadres enkomendava Ke toda mujer ke prenyada kedara si paria un ijo, al punto la matara Ke avia de naser Avraham Avinu. La mujer de Terah kedo prenyada i de dia en dia el le preguntava (or demandava) "¿De ke teneix la kara tan demudada?" Eya ya savia el bien ke tenia.

En fin de mueve mezes parir keria iva caminando por kampos i vinyas, a su marido tal ni le descubria topo una meara, ayi lo pariria En akella ora el nasido avlava: "Anda vos, la mi madre, de la meara, yo ya topo kien m'alechara, Malah de sielo me acompanyara. Grande zekhut tiene el senyor Avraham, que por él conocemos el Dío de la verdad. Grande zekhut tiene el senyor parido, que afirma la mitsvá de Avraham Avinu.

English translation: When King Nimrod went out to the countryside He was looking at heaven and at the stars He saw a holy light in the Jewish quarter [A sign] that Abraham, our father, was about to be born. Chorus: Abraham our Father, beloved father, Blessed father, light of Israel. Then he told the midwives That every woman who was still pregnant If she gave birth to a male child at once he will be killed because Abraham our father was about to be born.

Terach's wife was pregnant and each day he would ask her "Why do you look so pale?" She already knew the blessing that she had. At the end of nine months she wanted to give birth, She walked through fields and vineyards She didn't tell her husband anything, She found a cave; there, she would give birth. At that time the newborn spoke: "Walk away from the cave, my mother I have already found someone who will take me away. An angel from heaven will accompany me Because I am a child of the blessed God."

After twenty days she went to visit him. She saw in front of her a young man leaping, Looking at the sky and (looking carefully/noticing everything), In order to know the God of Truth.

Great merit has honorable Abraham Because of him we recognize the true God. Great merit has the father of the newborn Who fulfills the commandment of Abraham our father (circumcision).

[porlatamconlouis]

louis in panamá! louis back in latam!!! louis is back in his spirit home!!!

the crowd was amaaaazing! listen, every louis show i've been to holds a special place in my heart for different reasons. but being in a crowd where everyone around you gives out the same energy, even when they don't fully know some songs, is something i've been craving for a long time now, and it's just the beginning and i'm sooo excited. the venue itself was kinda meh inside, the way they used the space was terrible in my opinion but as a brightside, gaby and i had lots of space to jump and dance and lose our entire minds.

the setlist order change threw us off, but god i love it. the 'chemical' cover... idk how to explain it but the videos i've seen so far (which haven't been many, i'm on wifi most of the time) don't do it one bit of justice. his voice! his voooooooice! that's all i kept saying throughout the song. because i didn't know the song, and the arrangement was so punk that i thought it was a song from an early 2000s pop punk band that i wasn't recognizing. but duuuude, his voice. i hope we get a good version, because that boi whined away with his whole chest... honestly. and i can't fucking wait to see how more and more comfortable he'll get with the song and more people singing it with him, and just... yeah!

oli, krystle and helen were in the open space where there were no chairs, right in front of us... oli walks to not draw attention to himself, but boi, most of us know you by now. i didn't see anybody coming up to them which was nice. they went to the sound booth for a big chunk of the show. and during ooms krys and helen came back to jump and dance to the side there. i loved seeing them like that!

the happiness we felt when we saw lucia coming down! gaby and i were jumping up and down screaming "lucia! lucia is back! lucia!", hajshajshs. and theeeen, at the end, as i always do if possible, we went to the soundbooth to thank my friends (jdelf, tom and oli c.) for the show, and we thanked them for bringing lucia (the lightbulb) and not leaving her behind, and they were amused (and probably a bit weirded out (they've seen me in the same shirt at least 4 times lmao)) and saying thank you for appreciating them and just yeah. i like to think maybe they already knew her name was lucia, but also, i'm glad someone on the ground straight up told them how fucking appreciated she is. 💚 look at herrrr! (lol)

living all my favorite songs live again was so cathartic. didn't know how much i needed it, wow. also, how are we gonna call that insane set of songs before the encore? my vote is for "rip steve's arms" or "no breathing mix" or "lose your shit time". because going from 505 to bty to kmm to ooms is fucking wild, man. it was absolutely incredible, i think i ascended a little bit and was fully exorcised, thanks.

oh! the kmm lights? soooo good! i know they've been done at all the shows after '22 but like... idk. it felt a bit extra special? and he sensed it as well, he couldn't contain his little smiles. and he gave it a shout out. literally everyone knew they had to do it. so cool!

as a sad note, during sibwawc, the lights from the stage weren't really colourful, they just kinda went from orange to white from what i remember. gaby and i waved our flags for the entirety of the megamix (and a bunch of other songs too, hajshajs, duh) and since we were going off the whole time, and not as many people were, he did see us all the way to the back and pointed at where we were and we looked at each other and just kept going. we then corroborated our stories in the hostal, hajdhaj. enjoy the following video as if you were next to us and just jumping around, okay thanks (when you see everyone else jump around that's when he comes to our side).

anyway, i wrote all of this while on the airplane that's gonna take me to puerto rico, which is a bit delayed. oh, and el puma rodríguez is on this flight, lmao. iykyk. some ladies, while boarding, just stood in front of him and took a selfie, eeep. right, here's some carpet photos.

i'm so lucky i get to do this insane adventure, i'm so happy.

(meant to save this in drafts while the video uploaded but guess it got posted instead, hajshajsh. anywaaaay... thanks for the lovely notes, loves.)

[empressgeekt]

So how do the events of the movies play out in your Burning Branches AU?

Oh very differently.

Branch, or Char as he eventually goes by in this au, completely misses the events of Trolls 1. Poppy still succeeds, narrowly avoiding the spiders, and her hope/colors come back when Bridget frees them, and with Bridget as proof that anyone can learn to be happy, also goes back for the other Bergens.

World Tour also doesn't happen. Instead of just going on a full genocidal maniac, Char reels Barb from going through with that plan. After all, the pop tribe gave her him, and Char isn't after any form of vengeance against his old tribe. Due to his amnesia he doesn't remember Rosiepuff or Brozone, so holds no ill will to towards the pop tribe, beyond distaste for what happened during the Great Split or when ordinally fell apart. However, this is the point in the AU where Char does have to interact with Bio-tribe, as after a natural disaster strikes Volcano Rock City, threatening to topple the Rock Capital, he forms a plan to reach out to the Pop Tribe offering himself in an Arranged Marriage in alliance. Barb is against it, but they have no choice. The offer is simple. Rock gets the aid they need, while Char will provide the Pop Tribe with an Heir. Poppy does not get and invitation in the mail, rather a marriage proposal. After the pop queen and rock prince get to know each other a little better they do eventually decide to go through with the marriage.

Once TBT rolls around, it isn't Gristle and Bridget's wedding John Dory crashes, it's Poppy and Char's. Barb is of course in attendance, so John gets punched for interrupting her baby brother's big day. And Char still has amnesia at this point, so he has no idea who John is. The Wedding is canceled after the stress of John's arrival makes Char's head injury act up, and has a seizure. But eventually, Char Poppy and Barb agree to help John Dory, because Char's eyes have remained the same since he was a baby. All through the trip Char can't remember any of the Brozone songs, meaning John and the other brothers are trying to jog Char's memory the whole time, meaning Barb is subtilling threatening everyone. Even after they save Floyd, Char still feels like he's surrounded by strangers, so the brothers have a lot of work to do to make it up, and bond with their amnesic brother while trying to accept the fact that Char is not Bitty B nor will he ever will.

[eteisvalssi]

gig report london 11.4.2024

now that i'm back home and stuck inside for a couple of days bc of bovid, i can finally finish my gig report from london! it's gonna be a long one 😅

i won't be getting too much into how i traveled to london bc the story is long, but let's just say that i would arrange it differently now that i experienced it

in london i met up with @joyuntold, who was my roommate for the two nights! kiitos for letting me tag along with you <3 we had so much fun just yapping the night before the concert that i almost forgot how tired i was at that point 😂

i hadn't slept in well over 24 hours so i went to sleep at 8pm local time and had a good night's sleep before going queueing so that i could stay there for the whole day after i'd gotten my number

the queue had already started the day before because of a misunderstanding and it being posted on social media, which caused the word to spread and suddenly everyone was getting their numbers and just going away for several hours. can we please just not do this?

i did have a fun time in the queue though! there were a lot of familiar faces but i just got really shy with my english for some reason and felt very awkward not talking, so i hung out with my finns a lot during the day

but everyone i talked to that day like overall was just super nice once again! i met and talked to a few mutuals too!

the first band member we saw was jure, he walked past the queue and we all just said hi to him

jan and nace came to the venue together shortly after. i waved at them and nace waved back :)

i didn't see the other band members come to the venue but we did see the family guštin walk by a couple of times

the ee line worked so well, we formed the number queue ourselves and the crowd management worked really well for us. there were multiple lines formed for every type of ticket, but i heard that the ga line was not as successful

i had already lost my hope for barricade on jan and nace's side with how many people there were in the queue before me, but i literally got the perfect spot on the barricade and didn't even have to run for it!

when we got inside i had already completely forgotten about the soundcheck so i was actually surprised when they came on stage 😅 they played astp and proti toku

roots & wings were fun, they were just trying really hard and that was kinda adorable :)

elle coves was amazing! hadn't listened to her songs at all beforehand but i really enjoyed it!

they played the gola setlist and i do get why it's their favorite one

kris especially was on fire during the gig!! idk if it was because his family was there but he gave his everything on stage

we got the demoni scream!!!

also idk what was in padam that night but bojan was really living it and i really felt it and got literal goosebumps

i remember there being a moment when i was like the jance shippers are gonna eat this one up, but i'm too feverish to remember what it was rn

we had a surprise guest on stage! louie starkey, grandson of ringo starr, came on stage during umazane misli and did his own solo.

a finnish translation of umazane misli was also sung that night by yours truly <3 i have no memory from that moment but i just saw a video of it and bojan showed a thumbs up to the band when i started singing 😂 btw if anyone else has any footage from that moment, i would love to see more!

we were like there's no way they're not gonna play ssol and were kinda shocked that it was not on the setlist, but of course they came to play it as an extra encore

after the gig i stayed at the barricade and kiki came over to give the setlists and i got one <3 that was the first time i'd even tried to get one so i was kinda surprised to get it, but it's now on the wall next to my photos i got printed :)

when we went outside there were a lot of people waiting and bojan did come to greet us quickly and take the picture he posted on instagram

i waited for a while but my feet were hurting so much from standing all day that i called it a day just a bit too early and just went to the hotel

the next day i found out that if i'd literally walked back towards the venue with the others instead of leaving to the hotel i would've met some of them 😅

my next two days were spent exploring london, we went to camden town with a friend i'd met before at a gig but we only got to know each other in london! and on saturday i was on a bus on my way to london and it was a sunny day and suddenly sunny side of london started playing from my playlist and that felt so good

overall it was a very fun experience! i got to meet so many cool people, i saw my favorite band yet again, i sung in finnish at fucking shepherd's bush empire, i basically traveled solo for the first time and it went very well. i'm really glad i decided to go :)

also i joked about getting bovid from the gig when i was feeling kinda stuffy and tired yesterday and today i tested positive with covid 🤠

[spaceyaceface]

Sorrow - Safety Ch 6

Ominis Gaunt x f!Ravenclaw!Reader (Reader is not MC)

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: Angst (but also fluff)

Summary: Y/N L/N had always despised Ominis Gaunt. He was everything she hated about her life. As the only daughter to a wealthy pure-blood family, she knew it was inevitable that she would someday find herself in an arranged marriage.

But why did it have to be him?

Or, a classic arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, slow burn.

Also available on AO3

Chapter One | Chapter Five

He should have known better. 

That’s all he could think from the moment Constance had stormed off, the fresh wounds from her words still bleeding out. It’s all he thought when he made his way to the Undercroft, allowing a fire of anger to burn to keep a sea of tears at bay. It’s all he thought when he heard her voice, when he turned away, ignoring the painful sting in his chest as he left her there. And it was all he thought when Sebastian came, dragging him back up to the common room, insisting he at least try and sleep. 

He was glad his fallen tears had dried long before Sebastian came for him. Anger was an easier emotion to describe—it was one Sebastian had seen on Ominis before, and could therefore understand. But that deeper hurt—that feeling of betrayal and remorse that made his eyes burn—that was one he didn’t want even Sebastian to see. 

Ominis couldn’t sleep. The words that Constance had said—words she had once said—still echoed in his mind. 

Look at you, nothing but pure evil. A disgrace to magic.

No wonder you had to precure a bride—no one would willingly choose you. 

I pity the monster you are. 

There were more things Constance’d said. An entire torrent of insults, of partial truths, of words he’d tried for years to stop saying to himself. And it was all back in a flash. 

To think, it had all come from the first person he’d put his trust in in years. 

That was what hurt the most. Not the words themselves. Not even Constance’s cruel tone of voice. No, it was the fact that just that morning, he’d smiled a bit at the idea of greeting her. Mere moments before, he’d hummed the simple song he’d taught her on piano. He’d let himself think for even a second that she could see past the blood that ran through his veins. 

And it all tumbled down. 

So he paced, unable to sleep, in the Slytherin common room. Sebastian sat on a sofa, and after a good several minutes of his friend’s relentless steps, he sighed. 

“I thought you were going to try to get some rest after coming up here,” he said. 

“And I thought I’d told you I’d be in this state whether here or in the Undercroft. You should have just let me stay there.”

“I couldn’t do that,” Sebastian said, quietly. 

Ominis whirled around, facing his friend. There was something in his tone. Some sort of admittance. “Why? Why have you dragged me up here?” 

“She…” Sebastian hesitated a bit. “She didn’t have anywhere to stay the night.”

Ominis’s jaw dropped, and his shock quickly gave way to more fury. More betrayal. “So you pulled me out for her sake? After all she’s done?”

“She hasn’t done anything,” Sebastian said, standing up from the sofa. “Last I checked, it was Constance who came to torment you.”

“And where did Constance get all that?” Ominis fired back. “You think she came up with all that herself? She was just repeating what’d been fed to her.”

Ominis knew this much to be true. A lot of what Constance had said had been echoes of Y/N’s words when they’d gotten the news of the engagement. Coming from her, with anger over the situation, with knowing that she had never known him before—well, that was easier to forgive. To look past. But having been lied to, tricked into thinking she viewed him differently only to be proven completely wrong was painful.

“Y/N told you she was wrong about you,” Sebastian said. “Her friend’s opinions are her own.” 

Ominis’s lip curled in a near snarl.  “She didn’t even try to stop her from coming to me.” 

“She didn’t have the chance.”

His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, didn’t have the chance?”

“Constance stole a letter from her parents, and she went off to find you while Y/N was still in class. She had no idea, not until she fought with Constance and went to you to apologize.” 

Ominis frowned, taking in Sebastian’s words. “They fought?” He asked. 

“Yeah. It… must have been pretty bad. She didn’t tell me much, but it sounded like she took your side. She was—well, she was a bit of a mess over all of it. Over hurting you.” Sebastian gave a small, humorless chuckle. “Kept asking how you were.” 

She’d… defended him? The memory of them outside the Undercroft came flooding back to him. Her tone, shaky and desperate. And his returning voice—defensive and fierce. She’d just stood up to her friend, her best friend the moment she spoke out against him, and he’d returned the favor with nothing but more anger. Would he have done the same? If Sebastian had confronted her, would he have thrown all caution to the wind to stand against him, risking it all for a newly formed friendship?

He wasn’t even sure. 

She couldn’t even sleep in the same room as her friend. That’s why Sebastian had taken her to the Undercroft, wasn’t it? To stay away from the friendship she may have just shattered for his sake. 

What was the last thing he had said to her? I should never have let you in.

His heart fell. He had been so quick to let his emotions control him. He’d chosen to forget how clear the regret had been when she’d apologized in the past, how just as much as he’d let her in, she’d done the same. 

He’d figured she still thought the worst of him. And in fear, he did the same. 

He ran a hand through his hair, sitting silently on the sofa. “Merlin, I…” He let out a shaky breath. “You… you said she was a mess. Is she alright?” 

Sebastian sat down in the chair across from him. “She will be, I think.” 

“I should go talk to her. Apologize,” Ominis said, preparing himself to stand before Sebastian interrupted his thoughts.

“Let her get some sleep,” he said. “You can talk to her in the morning. You’ll both think clearer after some rest.” 

Ominis scoffed a bit. As if he would be able to sleep at all. But he figured he’d done enough damage for that day—best to leave something for tomorrow. 

He dragged himself up to bed, not even bothering to lay under the covers as he settled there. In the morning, he thought to himself. In the morning he’d try to make things right. 

-

The night had dragged on, until finally, he simply couldn’t wait any longer. He pulled on his uniform and rushed to straighten his hair, bypassing the typical care he gave it. It was only a few minutes before he found himself trekking down to the Undercroft, the familiar creaks of the door sounding as he entered. 

She wasn’t there. 

Instead, all he found was a few neatly stacked blankets, tucked into a corner. He brushed his hand over them, noting the sweet scent of vanilla still clinging to them. He frowned a bit. Perhaps she had gone back up to the Ravenclaw tower sometime in the night. Maybe she’d fixed things with Constance, realizing she shouldn’t have tried to offer any of her sympathy for him. He couldn’t blame her if she had. 

Ominis stayed there a moment, wondering what to do. He needed to think. He left his secret sanctuary to head for another, walking the familiar path to the music room. 

And unlike every other time he’d arrived, someone was already there. 

The piano player was clearly inexperienced. The notes were choppy, and more often than not, wrong. But he could still make out the melody through the mistakes, and it brought a small smile to his lips. 

She hit one particularly sour note, and he stepped into the room before he could overthink his approach. “It’s a c, not an f. Though your choice certainly has some sort of flair to it.” 

She whirled around, hands dropping off the keys in a sudden lurch of silence. “Ominis,” she said softly. After a slight breath, she began a torrent of words, standing from where she was sitting on the bench. “Ominis, I’m so sorry. I had no idea what she was doing until she had done it, please don’t think I still think those things of you. I’m so—”

He said her name gently, approaching her. “Sebastian explained things to me. It’s me who should be apologizing.” 

He heard the sigh that left her lips. “No, this is all my fault. You were hurt. I can’t blame you for being angry. I… I don’t even want to know what things she said. What things… what things I used to say to her.” 

He reached out, placing a careful hand on her arm and pulling her down to sit on the bench once more. He sat beside her, letting his hand fall away. “But you don’t think those things anymore?”

It came out as more of a question than he had intended. He realized he needed to hear her say it—to reassure him. Thankfully, she was more than willing to give him that. 

“Of course not,” she said. Her voice was thick, as if she were on the verge of tears. “I would take it all back if I could. Every word. You… you’re good, Ominis. And kind, under all that sarcasm of yours.” 

He chuckled a bit as she continued. 

“Kinder than I deserve.”

He frowned. “Well, I wasn’t very kind to you last night. I… I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry. I value our friendship, despite it’s strange beginnings. I hope it can continue, even after all this.” 

Her hand came back up to the keys, tracing over them. “I would like that,” she said softly. 

The relief that filled him so completely surprised him. He hadn’t been wrong to place his trust in her. She had done the same—and they’d managed to navigate through this storm. But another worry still ate at him. 

“You and Constance,” Ominis said. He felt her tense up beside him. “Sebastian said the two of you fought?”

“Yeah,” she muttered. “I can’t blame her for being angry with me. I lied to her. But she—she shouldn’t have taken that letter. She had no right.” 

“I agree,” Ominis said. “But can I ask… Why did you lie to her in the first place? I’m not saying you were wrong to, but why keep that from her?”

She hesitated before speaking. “I wanted something to feel normal,” she said softly. “I wanted… I wanted something to stay unchanged. Something to not feel like it wasn’t falling apart. Let myself pretend it was all fine, you know?” 

Of course he knew. He knew all too well. 

“It wasn’t fair of me, but I forced her to be that.” She laughed bitterly. “Funny. Now I doubt things will ever be the same with her again.”

“You don’t think she’ll forgive you?” 

“I haven’t got a clue,” she admitted. “I took my side when we fought. And I didn’t choose her.” 

You chose me, Ominis thought. He hated the small bit of warmth that thought brought to his chest—hated it because something she cared for had been broken, but it had been for his sake. 

“I’m sure she’ll see sense in time,” he assured her. “She made her own mistakes. I’m sure she’ll recognize that she wasn’t fair to you, either.”

“Maybe.” The word sounded so full of defeat it nearly broke Ominis’s heart. He wished he could fix this for her—it was a strange desire, one he had never felt before. Not even for Anne or Sebastian. When they made mistakes, when things went wrong because of choices they had made, it was usually easy to step back and let things play out. Of course he would comfort them—but he also knew they had to deal with their consequences. That was just how it went. 

But for her… well, if he had the power, he’d wave his wand and set everything right. 

Unfortunately, he didn’t think there was a spell for that. 

He placed his hands on the keys, beside her own. “You’ve been practicing.”

“Not much,” she admitted. 

“Still,” he said, small smile curling the corners of his lips. “You’re improving.”

“Ah, yes, my lovely rendition of the song you heard when you arrived surely proved that.”

He chuckled. “I very much enjoyed the melodic liberties you were taking.”

“I’m glad someone was. Sounded awful to me.”

“Not awful. Just abstract.” 

He felt her mood lighten. Perhaps he couldn’t fix everything. But he could make it a little better. 

“Would you play something?” she asked. 

Her question took him a bit by surprise. But he found himself unable to turn it down. “Of course,” he said. She took her hand from the piano, and laid it on her lap. He allowed himself to spread his fingers over the keys, and began. 

He wasn’t used to playing for an audience. But any nerves he may have disappeared the moment the music began to swell. That was how it always was. He could get lost in the notes and chords, and he’d stay there as long as he could. 

Even as he found himself in the music, he found a small thought in the back of his head hoping she felt the same. That he could let her escape with him, even for a few minutes.

When those minutes ended, when his song was complete and he lifted his hands from that final chord, they let the following silence linger for a moment. It was… intimate. Sacred. It was a little overwhelming, if he was honest, and he found himself needing to break it.

“Breakfast will be starting soon,” he said softly, hardly more than a whisper. 

“Yes,” she said. 

“You can sit with me and Sebastian,” he said. Then he realized that that was quite the suggestion, and that it was perhaps too much. “If you want, of course. I just thought I’d offer, considering…”

“I think I’ll accept your kind offer.” There was a hint of a smile in her voice. One he couldn’t help but be glad to hear. 

“Well then,” he replied. “I suppose we should be off before my menace of a friend steals all the pastries.” 

She laughed, and he felt lighter. 

-

If Sebastian was surprised to see the two of them walk into the Great Hall together, he didn’t let it show in the slightest. He was quick to scoot down a bit on his usual place on the bench, providing room for her. It wasn’t unheard of for students of other houses to sit at different tables—really, the only time the unofficial ‘rule’ was strictly followed was the grand feasts at the beginning and end of the year. Still, she seemed a little tense. He could hear he she shifted nervously in her seat, the way her breath was just a little more shallow than normal. 

“Apple tart?” Sebastian said, offering it out to her. She took it. 

“Thank you.”

“Do you have another?” Ominis asked. 

“Nope,” Sebastian said, eating the last bite of his own tart. She chuckled from beside the two of them. 

“Wonderful. Glad to see you’re already favoring your new friendship,” Ominis said dryly. 

“Well, she hasn’t ever done anything to piss me off,” Sebastian reasoned. 

“I can’t promise it’ll stay that way,” she said. 

Sebastian shrugged. “S’alright. I’ll still prefer you to Ominis any day.”

Her laugh was cut short, and Ominis quickly assumed why. “Is she looking at us?”

“She did for a moment,” she said softly. “But she’s gone to sit down now. She… she seems fine.”

The three were quiet for a moment before Sebastian changed the subject by offering her some bacon. 

-

The days passed much the same as that breakfast had. It was strange, Ominis thought, that she hadn’t been by their side for so much longer. Letting her into their group had nearly been effortless. Part of Ominis thought it was because he and Sebastian had always been so used to a trio. She filled the space Anne had left. But it was more than that—she brought her own things to the table. They were quick to realize that she was a Ravenclaw, through and through. She was always learning something new. From practicing charms to memorizing her favorite poems to picking up new hobbies, there was always something. And she was always eager to share it with the both of them. 

Ominis found it quite endearing when she would track him down in the library, tossing a book on the table, ready to show off whatever new trick she’d learned. She didn’t always get it perfect, of course—at least not on the first try. But her determination to figure out where she had gone wrong was impressive. 

“What are you doing now?” he asked, hearing her fiddle with something as they sat across from each other in the library. 

“Knitting,” she answered. She paused for a moment, observing her work. “At least, I’m trying to knit. I’m not sure I’ve quite got it right.”

“Knitting?” he asked, small smirk on his face. “Is there anything you haven’t tried your hand at yet?” 

“Oh, plenty. But I’ll get around to them eventually, I’m sure.” 

He chuckled, leaving his textbook on the table as he turned his attention more fully to her. “What sort of things have you already mastered?”

“Mastered is a bit of a stretch, but there are a fair few things I’d consider myself adequate at,” she said. “I’ve tried my hand at embroidery, sewing, crochet… there wasn’t a lot to do in the manor growing up. I had to entertain myself most of the time, so I made it a habit to try whatever I could.” She smiled. “There was even a summer I got pretty good at baking. Of course, when my father caught wind that Diane was sneaking me into the kitchens, he put a stop to it real quick.” 

He felt the slight shift in her mood, and knew her mind was wandering into unpleasant memories. It was a feeling he knew. 

“Diane?” he asked, hoping to shift away her worries for a moment. 

“She’s a servant at our manor. She’s… well, she’s wonderful. Raised me more than my parents ever did,” she said. “She’s the only thing I miss when I’m not home.”

He hummed. “Seems like she would get my approval, sneaking you into the kitchens and all that.”

She laughed. “What about you? Any Dianes you have, or did I just get that lucky?”

Ominis smiled fondly. “My Aunt Noctua. Truly the only good thing to ever come from my bloodline,” he said. 

“Besides yourself,” she amended. 

“It’s all thanks to her,” he said. “She always treated me kindly, even before I got my wand and could prove myself. When my mother would complain about how hard it was to raise me, she’d take me to her home for a few days, telling me I didn’t have to believe her. I didn’t have to believe any of them.” 

He trailed off a bit, getting lost in the strange mix of hopeful and heartbreaking memories. “She was the only person I ever considered real family.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Was?” she asked softly. 

He gave a solemn nod. “She disappeared several years ago. No one knows what happened to her. My father didn’t ever seem too concerned about her fate, and I was too young to do anything about it.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. 

“It’s alright,” he said. “I miss her terribly. But having known her makes me all the more determined to become someone she’d be proud of.”

She reached across the table, placing a hand on his wrist. “I think you’re well on your way to doing that,” she told him. “It seems a part of her lives on in you.” 

He didn’t know what to say to that, mouth gaping open as a strange prickling started behind his eyes. He cleared his throat. “Thank you. She’d be happy to see me have a friend like you.” 

The topic changed after that. He asked more about knitting, more about baking and Muggle books and poetry. She didn’t hesitate to share these parts of her. And he didn’t hesitate to memorize every word. 

Mere days before, he’d worried his worst fears were true. That there was no one he could trust. That he was doomed to be as lonely as he’d always been. 

How glad he was that he was wrong.

-

Chapter Seven

A/N: Oh my gosh thank you thank you THANK YOU for all the kind comments and asks I've received recently for this series!!! Seriously, it's made me so excited to keep writing it! You're all amazing, I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

TAGLIST:

@skarathewitch (it wouldn't let me tag you ahhh I'm sorry! @cherryflavoredcoke @phoenix666stuff @wt-fxck@shameless0shenanigans @fitzs-trained-monkey @mxmia @vee-mage (same with you sorry!!) @myrachondria

[ryuyejiho]

"Friend with benefits or just idol?" - Sunwoo

Pairing: Sunwoo x Reader

Genre: Smut

Warnings: 18+, Smut, Fingering, Sex, Swearing, Sex with a stranger/idol, Dirty words

Summary: The usual winning ticket to meet the biggest idol turned into a meeting at the hotel in the middle of the night...

Word Count: ~4.9 k

________________________________

The day I read the e-mail that I had won my biggest idol's birthday raffle was by far the happiest day of my life.

I took part with the attitude that I would lose nothing from it and probably gain nothing as well. But how big was my surprise when I, along with five other people, won a fansing, a one-on-one meeting with Kim Sunwoo from The Boyz himself.

So I was currently sitting on the plane that would take me straight to the South Korean capital. I was currently recalling grammar and vocabulary from the Korean language in case I forgot everything I knew due to stress.

I'm half Korean but I've lived in the U.S. all my life so I only started learning the language about five years ago.

But it wasn't even half an hour when I got bored, took my headphones and listening to my favorite songs, mostly The Boyz, I fell asleep.

As soon as we landed I went to catch taxi and went to the hotel to freshen up as quickly as possible and get ready to leave. After 15 minutes I was in the hotel room where I took a quick shower, dried and straightened my hair and did a quick but expressive makeup with eyeliner.

Opening my suitcase, I prayed that the dress I had prepared would not be crumpled and ready to go. Fortunately, it was, and as soon as I put it on and zipped up the back I put on my Converse platform shoes and grabbing my bag I left the room.

After about 40 minutes I was already there, the meeting was to take place in one of the halls of the label building so I went there. Before entering I was greeted by a nice girl from the staff who gave me an entrance pass to the label area and directed me where to go.

Along the way I passed a lot of doors and hallways, some places I recognized from The Boyz' various vlogs on YouTube. When I entered the hall I saw one girl who was dressed in shorts, a cute pink top and had pink makeup. I looked at myself in the big mirror that was all along the wall and thought how different we were.

She dressed in pink, with small heeled shoes and cute pink makeup and me who was dressed in a tight black dress, black platform Converse and wearing strong makeup with equally strong and long lines on my eyes.

Still, I liked how I looked, I wanted to make the best impression on Sunwoo. Maybe it's not that I damn well like him.... well, okay, I like him so fucking much. More than once I dreamed of getting to know him closer, much closer, to be able to touch him and feel his beautiful plump lips on me.

I sat down next to the pink girl and greeted her quietly when three others entered the room. They all looked alike, adorably dressed in short skirts and pastel-colored shirts. One had a fringe flipped every which way, another had a straight cut in front of her eyebrows. Their makeup was hardly any different, bright glossy eye shadow and faintly painted eyelashes.

However, when the last girl entered the room I felt a drip of envy. She was the only one wearing pants which, combined with a short top, created the perfect look. She sat down next to me and smiled, but when the door opened we all looked in their direction.

The first to enter was the man from the staff and Sunwoo followed him in. He looked so appealing and sexy that I panicked. I knew it would be difficult for me to express myself in front of him, but seeing him like this I knew it would be a hundred times worse.

He was wearing a black shirt in which the top buttons were undone. Jeans of the same color were wide but matched the shirt perfectly. His also black hair was straightened and arranged so that his forehead was visible.

When he walked into the room his gaze stopped on me and at first I got hot, but when I realized that I was the only one sitting and the girls threw themselves in his direction I felt embarrassed. However, I quickly passed when one of the girls started hysterically crying and trying to hug him, making Staff have to forcefully pull her away from him. The girl in the pants looked at me amused and stood next to me as a line formed.

I was the last but I didn't mind. I had time to mentally set myself up to talk to him plus I knew that if I was last I had a good chance that he would remember me the most.

Staff told us to sit on the sofa against the wall and wait our turn. I was glad because I was sitting in such a place where I had a perfect view of him but when I noticed that he glanced in my direction every now and then I felt embarrassed.

In addition to the fact that he intimidated me just by looking at me, all what I constantly had in my mind was the situation where everyone was greeting him and I was sitting like a fool.

For over an hour while he was talking to other girls, grabbing their hands, stroking their hair, etc. he kept glancing at me. It got more and more intesive as he looked at me longer and longer each time, licked his lips and took deep breaths.

Finally when it was my turn I was stressing like never before in my life. When I walked toward him and pushed back my chair to sit down he didn't look at me once being busy looking for the right page and signing it in the album. But once he raised his head and looked at me I momentarily became hot.

I didn't know whether to look, at his large eyes which were now slightly squinted, his lips which he was now licking, his sharply defined jawline or his neck with his collarbones sticking out from his shirt.

Suddenly I was speechless and just sat there looking at him. He started laughing when I still didn't speak for a long moment and caught my one hand in two of his own.

"So you've been very lucky since you're here," he riddled, to which I nodded and thought about what I was supposed to answer. I found him completely dazzling, so much so that I forgot my tongue.

"ah yes, haha..." I laughed nervously and looked at our hands as he began to squeeze it and stroke the top with his thumb.

He watched me for a long time with a smile and a slight tilt of his head. His eyes were so intense that when I tried to look into them I gave up after a few seconds.

"You look very pretty. In general you are very pretty," it was that moment I was about to exploding. Such words combined with his voice that suddenly became even lower than usual. I didn't know what to answer so I burped a stupid "you too". I immediately mentally hit my head, even more so when he laughed.

"Thank you. Hey look, we fit in with styles and colors" with his hand he pointed at himself and me.

"indeed. The black color suits you very well, you look very sexy in that shirt" I looked at him and seeing his surprised face I realized what I had said.

But he, instead of being angry or anything, smirked and nodded. He let go of my hand and took back the album that was lying on the corner of the table. He opened it to a random page, just where Eric was, and grabbing as if to snatch it he looked at me waiting for permission.

Surprised, I nodded slightly at which he pulled a piece of paper down at the same time coughing so as to drown out the sound. He quickly grabbed a pen and wrote something on the torn piece then forcibly put it in my hand so that no one could see. He closed the album and put it back in place discreetly looking around to make sure no one saw his actions.

Before I could say anything one man from the staff went over to us and informed us that the meeting was over and we were to say goodbye.

I was damn sorry that I didn't even dare to say anything, but when I heard Sunwoo say "see you later" as I were leaving, I started to think about it. His voice sounded like he wanted to convey something more to me with it, and I couldn't wait to get out of here and see to was on the card he gave me.

On the way out he said goodbye to all of us thanking us for coming and a moment later we were ushered out of the room. Earlier each girl was searched along with looking through the album after which we were allowed to leave the hall.

As soon as I stepped outside the building I hid the album in my bag and looked at the piece of paper I still held tightly in my hand.

There was a phone number unneatly written on it, under which it only said 'call me'.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing, the fact that I had just received Sunwoo's phone number.

I walked all the way to the hotel in shock and spent the whole evening wondering why I had gotten the number. I didn't know if it was definitely his number, if I should call or write. I didn't know what was going on.

However, when I spent another hour trying to fall asleep and not think about what had happened, I gave up. I got up and grabbed my phone, typed in the number that was lying on the cabinet next to the bed and after a moment's thought, I called.

Hearing the signals on the phone, my heart was beating like crazy. But once I heard his my heart stopped. I didn't know what to say, I hadn't even thought it through.

"Hello?" I heard again so I decided to speak up.

"hey, I got your number today and decided to call you".

"finally. I thought you wouldn't call." he laughed at which I smiled but my face immediately turned serious when he continued "we didn't talk much before so I thought we could get together. I liked you a lot so.... I was hoping we could get to know each other more"

My heart was about to leap out of my chest

"sure... I mean.. I'm in Korea for 6 more days but if need be I'll even stay longer" I laughed to which he responded with the same thing

"okey then... do you have time today?" he asked enthusiastically to which I looked surprised at the clock which hung opposite the bed and showed 2 am.

"i mean yeah, i have time. I couldn't fall asleep anyway."

"you couldn't fall asleep so you called me" was more of a statement than a question. Suddenly his voice became sexier, at least that's what it seemed to me.

"something like that" I replied to which I heard a quiet snort.

"Since you're not from Korea you must be at the hotel now, right? I can come to you if you want. It's better if you don't walk alone at night in a city you don't know," he offered, to which I had no choice but to agree.

He was supposed to come in half an hour so I quickly got up and cleaned up what I had messed up during the time I had been here.

Just as I finished fixing my hair I heard the sound of the phone to which I almost ran.

"I'm already at the entrance" was all I heard before he hung up so putting on my slippers I quickly left the room and took the elevator downstairs to go out to get him.

He was dressed in a plain black T-shirt and gray sweatpants, he had a baseball cap on his head and on his face there was not a trace of the makeup he had on at the earlier meeting. In his hand he held a white net with the logo of a store that was nearby.

I tried to act normal so with a smile I walked up to him and said hello. After a while we went inside the hotel and walked towards the elevator. This one immediately opened so we went inside where I dialed the floor number.

Since my room was all the way up on the 21st floor it took us a long while to get there. All this time we didn't say anything but I still felt his gaze on me, when we were about to leave I looked at him but he didn't even look away from me for a moment.

When we finally got out of the elevator we went to my room, I told him to get comfortable which he immediately did by putting the net on the floor and literally throwing himself on the bed. I started laughing at him when he sprawled all over the bed, closed his eyes and theatrically started snoring.

"Tired?" I asked again not knowing what to say. He nodded at that and got up to sit on the edge of the bed.

"very, comeback soon and we are still busy" he said at which I opened my eyes wide "oops... I just said something I shouldn't have said".

We laughed about it, after a while he got up and took a net from which he took out two bottles of soju, two beers, chips, chocolate and two packets of ramen. He put everything on the bed and asking if I had Netflix he took my laptop in his hand.

I was surprised at how comfortable he felt, but the longer I stayed with him the more comfortable I also felt, as if we had known each other a lot longer.

"and what do you want to watch?" I asked, sitting down on the bed and leaning against a pile of pillows. He seeing this also changed his seat and, handing me a bottle of soju, sat down next to me. Too close for a first meeting but I didn't mind.

"You know. Netflix and chill, those things" he looked at me amused but then looked at my breasts. That's when I noticed I was wearing an sleep shirt that barely covered what it should cover. He turned his head while licking his lips and turned on one of the movies.

The whole time I tried to focus on the movie but I was distracted by everything. From the sound of the mini-fridge being turned on to his proximity. Every movement he made was equivalent to rubbing his body against mine. I tried not to move but it didn't help when he couldn't sit still and every now and then reached for a packet of chips.

Lying on my side on the pillows I started looking at his face. He had such a beautiful and handsome face profile that I could look at his photos for hours and now that I had him so close in person he was incomparably more handsome.

When he once again bent down to the packet of chips he felt that I was watching him and with a smile he asked without even looking at me

"You like what you see" he again stated more than asked at which I became very abashed but I did not want to be quiet again and show from such a side

"yes, very much" I said quiet at which he turned around. He licked his fingers off the spices from chips in a way as if they were dirty from something else, I looked at his long slender fingers between his lips and took a deep breath which did not escape his notice because he smiled immediately afterwards.

"Very?" he moved a little closer to me and tilted his head to the side. I nodded and squinted my eyes when his gaze again went to my cleavage. He looked back into my eyes and smiled in the sexiest way I had ever seen in him.

I couldn't help myself and smiled back licking and biting my lip. He looked at my lips and moved so close that our noses were in contact with each other, he put his hand on my waist as he moved my body closer to him

"don't bite your lip when you're around me, remember this or else it will end up being more than the usual going to sleep" he muttered directly into my mouth and kissed it gently. When he moved away to sit back down I bit my lip again wanting to see what will he do.

He saw it immediately and in a flash he moved closer to me and pressed himself to my lips. A million thoughts and questions ran through my head, but feeling how well he kissed me I gave myself over to the moment. I grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him even closer to me then he came top of me and resting the whole weight of his body on mine, roamed his hands all over my body.

At that moment I forgot that I was kissing my idol, at that moment I thought of him as a deadly handsome boy whom I know very well.

"you have such an awesome beautiful body, I wanted to touch you as soon as I saw you" he said in between kisses "you are so fucking gorgeous"

He moved his kisses to my neck, kissing every one of my most sensitive points as if he knew my body and my needs perfectly. I couldn't help myself and began to moan quietly feeling good under him. Hearing my moans he raised himself up on his hands and started kissing my lips again, this time much more passionately than before.

"I've wanted to hear it ever since you first spoke," his voice grew lower and sexier by the minute.

I often thought about what he was like in bed. More than once in the night I imagined how I lay beneath him while he works on me with his rapper's tongue. How he thrusts into me with his hips that perfectly perform choreographed dances.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked while kissing my cheek and massaging my thigh.

"About you. About how long I've been dreaming of this moment."

"Have you been dreaming about it? You dreamed of fucking with me?" I nodded, closing my eyes as I felt his hip press against the tender spot between my legs. "Are you still dreaming about it?"

"and do you fulfill the dreams of others?"

"Yours I will fulfill every one. Just tell me what you want," he said in a seductive voice kissing my cleavage.

"I want you Sunwoo, but I don't think it's right for you to sleep with your fan" I played with his hair while breathing deeply. At my words he raised his head and looked into my eyes.

"Do you consider me and like me only as a band member or like a boy you met before?

"I've always wanted to get to know you and become friends with you," I confessed slightly embarrassed

"Make friends? How about friends with benefits?" he asked seriously

"so you fulfill the dreams of others, though?" I laughed

"as I said, only yours" he suddenly knelt down in front of me and quickly pulled off his T-shirt. My gaze immediately flew to his tattoo which was on the side of his waist. He moved closer to me and grabbing the material of my T-shirt, pulled it upward. He did the same with my shorts making me stay in only my underwear.

He lay on top of me again and, stroking my belly, went higher and higher to my breasts. He put his hand under the material of my bra but it was clearly disturbed so he quickly pulled it off me.

His actions were so fast that I didn't even have time to think about anything, I just lay there and quietly moaned. When he threw my bra behind him he was momentarily at my breasts, licked the skin between them and, looking into my eyes, took one nipple between his lips.

I put my fingers in his fluffy hair, put my other hand over my mouth in an attempt to drown out my increasingly loud moans. It was of no use to me when he started sucking on my nipple, at the same time massaging both of my breasts. I scratched his bare back, wanting to leave any sign of me on his body. I wanted him to remember me for as long as possible.

When he got tired of playing with my boobs, he began to go lower and lower, kissing every millimeter of my belly until he reached my panties. However, he didn't pull them down, he went lower to my thighs and placing my legs on his back, kissed the inner parts of my thighs. I could feel how wet I was getting, my pussy was starting to get sore craving for any kind of attentions.

And after a while it got it. Sunwoo kissed the top of my pussy and began to slide his finger up and down it. My thighs involuntarily clenched around his head, especially when he pressed his tongue against my clit through the material of my panties. Hearing my rather loud moan he looked at me, moved my panties aside and licked my naked clit.

I let out an even louder moan at which he screeched

"I haven't done anything like that yet and you're already moaning so much. Are you that turned on by what I'm doing?" asking, he inserted his finger deep into my pussy and after a moment placed his lips on my clit. He began to insert his finger at a slow pace at the same time starting to suck on my clit.

I grabbed the pillow behind my head and moaned louder and louder. I looked down at him and seeing him between my legs working on my pussy made me even wetter.

He was doing it so magnificently that within a few minutes I was on the verge of coming. He, as if reading my mind, stopped his activities and lifted himself up along with my legs which were still on his shoulders. In this way I gave him perfect access to me at which he himself smiled and started kissing me passionately, I could feel my juices on his tongue which was even more exciting.

"I want to feel you Sunwoo," I said between kisses. At my words he immediately sat up and pulled down my panties throwing them behind.

"Won't you regret it?" he asked looking down at me. I immediately shook my head and wanted to pull him with my leg but he moved away. He smiled and got up from the bed walking over to the net he came with earlier. From it he took out a small box which he threw on the bed next to me and pulled down his pants, staying in his boxers. He knelt beside me on the bed putting his hands on his hips and raised one eyebrow. I couldn't help but start to look at his whole body, every now and then suspending my gaze on his primate.

"Now you do something," he said slightly amused at which I quickly sat up and moved closer to him. I put my hand on his penis and looked up at him. He was looking down at me and breathing heavier and heavier. I smiled and brought my lips closer to his and kissed gently the tip of his dick, at which he bit his lip hard.

I decided not to play with him anymore and pulled his boxers down, releasing his length. I tried to act normal, reasonably sexy, but when I saw him I involuntarily smiled. I caught him in my hand and brought it to my lips, at which Sunwoo put his hand in my hair. I put the tip between my lips and lightly started sucking. I heard a loud hiss so I looked at him, his eyes were closed and his lips parted as he breathed hard and fast. I wanted to please him even more so I took him as much as I could and sucked a little harder.

Then I heard him moan. A loud, low moan through which I felt myself getting incredibly wet again. I purposely started sucking him harder, just to hear him. He started moaning more often, grabbing my hair solidly and forcing me to move my head.

I wanted to see us from a different perspective. Him kneeling on the bed and me sitting in front of him holding his long cock in my mouth. Him pulling my hair with his head tilted back as he moaned in pleasure and me touching myself as my pussy began to get sore.

Then he lowered his head and, seeing my hand between my thighs, began to play with my right breast. His intense eyes and fingers teasing my sensitive nipple drove me to such horny that I began to moan still holding him in my mouth. Suddenly the vibrations that went to his penis caused him to jerk his hips back making his penis fall out of my mouth.

I thought it was the perfect time to move on so I took the package he had thrown on the bed earlier, pulled out a single condom and opened it. Looking at him I grabbed him in my hand and put the condom to the tip, he smiled and gestured with his head to let me continue so I stretched the condom all the way around him. As soon as I let him go he was quickly between my legs and pushed me onto the bed so that I was lying down.

He smiled sexily and directed his cock at my entrance but before he entered me he rubbed his tip against my pussy a few times. He leaned down so that he put his head in the hollow of my neck and kissing my neck, began slowly entering me.

"oh fuck. I didn't expect you to be so tight," he muttered against the skin of my neck and cursing several times, entered me fully.

The feeling was so amazing that I had a complete blank in my head, all I could think about was how deep he was in me now and how wonderful the stretching sensation was. I moaned his name every now and then as he began to move his hips, I could feel him smiling against my neck and when after a while he raised himself so that he was level with my face I could see his smirk.

I didn't know Sunwoo personally, except for today, but it wasn't hard to guess what he was like. I knew it was easy to boost his ego by picking on him, etc., and I knew how flirtatious he was just by looking at his attitude toward his fans on fancalls or bubble conversations. Following him on social media or watching performances, mv's etc you can clearly see he is a dominator type.

This was awesome to me especially when just now I was lying underneath him as he entered me painfully slowly with a smile that suggested he was the one in control of the pace, he was in control of me. With his hands resting on my chest pressing my body against the bed, he looked at me non-stop every now and then glancing at the place where our bodies came together.

Suddenly his movements became faster and faster making me reflexively moan more. I put my legs around his waist and pressed my thighs against him feeling more and more pleasure, I clenched my eyes but he immediately caught my cheek

"Look at me baby, I want to see your beautiful eyes" I immediately looked at him and at his nickname my heart beat harder. I tried not to break eye contact but when he increased his speed again I clenched them tightly again. He perfectly hit my most sensitive points and rubbed perfectly against my insides.

"You're not looking again" he laughed quietly and kissed my lips in a sensual way "you are so tight, so perfect.... so hot" saying this he began to enter me harder without changing his pace. I was breathing harder and harder as I heard all his dirty words

"you're such a good doll.... so cute and sexy at the same time" he pounded into me several times much harder than before and came out of me. Hiting my thigh he gave me a sign to turn around which I immediately did. I knelt with my back to him supporting myself on my forearms, he slapped my buttock with all his strength and I felt him attach his cock to my pussy

"your ass is so fucking perfect" again slapping my buttock he pounded into me, rested his whole body weight on my back supporting himself with his hands and started to enter me incredibly fast and hard

"fuck Sunwoo... you are so good, ahh fuck" I started moaning much louder not caring that anyone could hear it. His quiet moans, dirty words and the sound of our bodies hitting each other was so sexy.

"You are so fucking hot when you are under me. I can do anything to you. I want you to be mine, only mine. Tell me you're mine" with these words he fucked me even more, so that I could barely get any words out of myself

"I am yours Sunwoo, only yours" I muttered between loud moans. I felt his hands move from my ass to my shoulders and resting his torso against my back, he began to enter me slowly and sensually. He put one of his hands under me and massaged my breast, kissing my shoulder. I tried to calm my breathing at least a little when he slowed his movements for a moment.

"I love the way you moans my name" he whispered and kissing my shoulder one last time then get up "I want to hear more of this".

Again he began to move his hips quickly at which I immediately literally screamed his name, I felt I couldn't stand it any longer like this and like an orgasm was coming to me.

"Look at you, writhing beneath me and screaming my name even though you only know me as an idol. Isn't it great happiness to win such an encounter?" he strokes my body from my thighs to my shoulders, I didn't know where to focus, on the incredible feeling in my lower abdomen, on his low voice that said such dirty things that turned me on even more or on his hands.

I was in total mess, I knew my hair was tumbled, there was a pillow on my face due to the fact that Sunwoo kept pressing me against the mattress. But I totally didn't care, I had just experienced my best sex with the hottest guy who walked the planet.

"You feel so good, I'm about to come," I managed to say at which he stopped his actions and came out of me. But not for long because he forcibly pushed me aside so that I was lying on my back, drew me closer to him and placing my leg on his shoulder, entered me again. He didn't wait a second and started moving so fast that I was beginning to see stars.

I grabbed onto his shoulders and driving my nails into his skin, I arched my back and moaned as much as I'd ever moaned before. I tried to look at him, he had his eyebrows pulled together and a focused expression but seeing that I was looking at him he smiled.

"you have no idea what you're doing to me, from the moment I saw you until now... ahh fuck" he rested his forehead against mine and clenched his eyes as my pussy involuntarily clamped down on him. I felt that an orgasm could hit me at any moment

"I'm so close now" I howled and closed my eyes tightly.

"Come on baby, feel as good as you've ever felt before" as soon as he said this as if on cue a wave of pleasure hit me, so strong that my whole body began to shake intensely. I knew that Sunwoo would also come any minute because he hid his face in the hollow of my neck and moaned louder and louder. My nails left lots of scratches and marks as my hands caresses his back.

Not even a minute passed when Sunwoo cummed all over, stopped his movements pressing into me as deeply as he could

"Fuck I came" his voice was much higher than before, his moans also became several tones higher and much louder. His body began to shake uncontrollably, just like mine before. After a while he again began to slowly move his hips entering me slowly wanting to prolong my and his own orgasm.

Finally he stopped moving and sank down on top of me with all his weight, we were panting hard and fast, when I put my hand in his hair and stroked it to calm him down he began to purr satisfied like a cat.

"You did the best," I spoke up quietly after a long moment, he sat up to pull off and throw away the condom and then lay down next to me pulling me close to him

"I recommend myself for the future," he replied as I snuggled into his torso and he put his arms around me.

"then when is your next free date?" I joked in a relatively serious voice. He looked down at me and replied

"tomorrow at the same time? maybe I'll put you into my schedule later this morning" I laughed lightly and closed my eyes. I don't even know when I fell asleep, cuddled up with Kim Sunwoo himself.

________________________________________________________________