#but my playlist threw those two songs together

[every-aj-needs-an-angel]

Someone come with me on this Modern British Musician Steddie AU journey

Because

This Eddie

And this Steve

Y'all

[wherethefireliliesgrow]

Make You Remember

Yoo Jimin (Karina) x Reader

GENRE: angst, fluff

TYPE: One Shot

Inspired by: Make You Remember - Lazy Weekends

A/N: i’ve been in a writing slump this year, but every now and then, i’d come here to read. recently, a few pieces caught my attention and reignited my urge to write. so, here we are! while revisiting my 2018 spotify playlists for a dose of nostalgia, i stumbled upon one of my favorite songs from back then—it felt like the perfect way to ease back into writing. (a little shoutout to 2cool-2die, her stories were what got me back into writing). anyway, hope you all enjoy the story!

“Stop staring at her like a creep,” Minjeong whispered, her large eyes narrowing in a protective glare.

Jimin couldn’t help herself. She had been watching you for the past hour—watching the way you threw your head back in laughter at something your friends said or carefully picked the tomatoes off your sandwich to hand them off to someone else. Her fists clenched at the sight.

You used to pluck off tomatoes and feed them to her, letting her play your knight in shining armor against your sworn enemy: tomatoes. It should’ve been her.

Oh, how she missed that smile you used to reserve just for her.

“Dude, I’m serious,” Minjeong hissed again, this time throwing a balled-up tissue at Jimin’s face. “This is getting out of hand.”

Jimin grunted in annoyance, lazily stretching her long arms overhead before sprawling out on the metal bench. Her head landed on Aeri’s lap as if she didn’t have a care in the world.

“I can’t help it. I miss her,” she admitted quietly, closing her eyes as Aeri absentmindedly began combing through her soft raven-black hair with her fingers.

“Well, you should’ve done better,” NingNing said flatly, taking a deep drag from her Juul. “She really loved you, you know.”

The girls expected Jimin to snap back, as she always did. Instead, they watched her deflate entirely, burrowing her face into Aeri’s stomach for solace.

“I know.”

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Jimin had always been sure of herself. She was proud of her decisions, every one of them. After all, she had transferred from one of the top universities in the UK to pursue her passion for dance in Korea—a choice that went against her parents’ wishes. They had warned her about the instability of a dance career, but she’d proved them wrong.

She had met Minjeong, Aeri, and NingNing shortly after her return, and together, they formed a dance group. Now in her third year of university, Jimin was part of AESPA, a group that had skyrocketed to fame after winning first place in a national competition.

With a growing fanbase, a promising future, and an upcoming performance in front of the president at the annual ceremony, Jimin had every reason to be proud of her choices.

Every reason—except for letting you go.

She had met you during her first year back in Korea. You were the university’s student ambassador, tasked with introducing new students to campus life. Since she was the only mid-semester transfer at the time, Jimin had the luck of spending the entire day with you, just the two of you.

You captivated her immediately. Your soft, angelic voice, dry sense of humor, and those big brown eyes that lit up with excitement over the smallest things…like the library. Jimin had thought you were the lamest, cutest little thing she’d ever met. And from that moment, she was hooked.

Jimin made it her mission to sweep you off your feet. Surprised but not surprised, you had plenty of admirers. You were popular, down-to-earth, and undeniably beautiful, the kind of person who effortlessly drew others in. That only made Jimin's task harder, pushing her to work tirelessly to win your heart.

To everyone else, you were the classy student ambassador, smart, athletic, and poised. But Jimin knew the truth: beneath all that polish, you were a total nerd. 

So, she went out of her way to prove how much she cared. She’d pick you up from class with your favorite snacks, even when her schedule was packed.

She once secretly drove across state lines to attend an anime expo, just to get you those rare Pokémon cards you’d been obsessing over…though she swore she lost at least a million cool points doing it. But every second was worth it when she saw your face light up. Jimin even sat through every Avengers movie, biting back sarcastic remarks just to see you smile. 

Before long, you were hers and she was yours. You found yourself snuggled into her arms during late-night movie marathons, or cheering from backstage as she started entering dance competitions.

You were her there to support when she doubted herself after losing a dance battle, always ready with a hug and soft kisses. You were AESPA's unofficial fifth member, helping them set up for street performances and cheering louder than anyone else when they won.

And when AESPA skyrocketed to fame, you stood faithfully by her side, despite the growing distance you felt creeping in. 

But fame did something to Jimin. Slowly, the girl who once drove hours for Pokémon cards began to lose sight of the things that mattered. You were the first to notice the changes. Jimin started craving the spotlight more than anything else, and you quietly faded into the shadows.

You stopped bringing up your hobbies after a fan on her livestream mocked you for being childish. You stopped asking her for late-night drives when her excuses became more frequent. And you stopped waiting for her to notice how tired you looked, how empty you felt. 

She didn’t notice when you began packing up your prized Pokémon collection, throwing it all away as if erasing a piece of yourself. She didn’t notice when you started leaving events early, hiding the hurt behind a polite smile. Jimin was so caught up in her world of adoration, flashing lights, and applause that she failed to see you slipping through her fingers. 

She didn’t notice until it was far too late. By the time she turned around, desperate to hold onto what was left, you were already gone. She had lost you. And in losing you, she lost the part of herself that had once felt complete.

.

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“C’mon, Jimin. Get out of your head.” Jimin slapped her forehead in frustration as she stumbled through the routine once again.

The sound of sneakers squeaking on the polished floor was followed by a collective groan from the rest of the girls, who collapsed onto the studio floor in exhaustion. AESPA was under pressure. They were supposed to perfect a dance routine for a massive ad collaboration, a career-defining moment. But with finals looming and the team juggling school and practice, their patience was wearing thin. 

“I’m really sorry, guys,” Jimin said quietly, glancing at her exhausted teammates sprawled on the floor.

Aeri’s pink hair stuck to her damp face, and Minjeong lay flat on her back, staring blankly at the ceiling like she’d lost her will to live. 

“It’s been three months, Jimin.” NingNing sighed, rubbing her temples. “When are you going to get over her? This isn’t like you.” 

“I’m trying,” Jimin muttered, her gaze locked on her scuffed sneakers, her throat tight with unshed tears. “But at the same time…I don’t want to.” 

“Well, what do you want, then?” Aeri asked, sitting up with a tired glare.

She was drained. She was tired of practice, of exams, and most of all, of watching her leader spiral into a deep abyss of self-hatred and regret in front of her. 

Jimin hesitated, her dark brows knitting together as if weighing the weight of her answer.

“I want her back,” she finally admitted. “I want Y/N back.” 

“Absolutely not,” Minjeong snapped, suddenly sitting up and joining the conversation. Her arms crossed, and her expression was livid. “You broke her, Jimin. You fucking broke her heart.” 

Jimin lowered her head, guilt weighing heavy on her shoulders, but her she had already made this decision days ago. After finding one of your old LEGO pieces buried under her bed, a reminder of simpler, happier times, she had cradled it in her hands and cried like a baby.

That night, she spiraled into a social media stalking session, scrolling through your photos, searching for any trace of the love she had destroyed. That was when she decided she’d do whatever it took to make things right. 

“I’ll treat her right this time,” Jimin whispered, her voice trembling.

“I’ll do anything to make her happy.” 

Minjeong stood abruptly, storming over to Jimin, her smaller frame radiating fiery anger. Despite the height difference, Jimin instinctively cowered under Minjeong’s glare. 

“Do you know how many times she came to me crying in the middle of the night because you couldn’t even show up for a date? How insecure you made her feel? How your stupid fangirls tore her apart?” Minjeong jabbed a finger into Jimin’s chest with every accusation.

“She’s my best friend, Jimin. I won’t let you hurt her again. She gave you everything. She gave you so many chances, and you let her down every single time.” 

The room crackled with tension as Jimin’s lips parted to respond, but no words came out. Sensing a fight about to break out, NingNing and Aeri hurriedly stepped between the two girls. 

“Hey, now’s not the time to fight,” NingNing said gently, wrapping her arms around Minjeong’s shoulders to pull her back. “We all care about Y/N, okay? Let’s take a second.” 

“Please,” Jimin pleaded, her voice barely above a whisper. Tears rimmed her eyes, but there was an earnestness in her tone that softened her hardened edges.

“Just give me a chance. I swear I’ll never hurt her again.” 

“No. No fucking way,” Minjeong snapped, her voice firm. 

“How about we let Y/N decide herself?” Aeri suggested cautiously, flinching slightly under Minjeong’s searing glare.

���Jimin can talk to her. If she says no…then that’s it. Jimin walks away and never bothers her again.” 

The blonde hesitated. She knew how deeply you had loved Jimin and how much it had cost you when things fell apart. Letting Jimin reach out could undo all the progress you’d made. But at the same time…if she stopped this, would you resent her for it? 

With a heavy sigh, Minjeong finally relented. “Fine. Just one sentence. If she reacts badly to whatever you say, you stay the hell away from her. For good.” 

Jimin’s lips curved into a genuine smile for the first time in months, a smile full of hope, the kind that crinkled the corners of her eyes.

“One sentence is more than enough to make her remember.”

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.

They say the easiest way to someone's heart is through their stomach, so Jimin threw herself into her first mission with relentless determination. The five-hour drive to Busan and back didn’t faze her—this was for you. She needed to remind you of the small things, the little joys you used to share.

The memory of your trips together flooded her mind: your hand in hers, your voice belting off tune to whichever K-pop song was stuck in your head, and your infectious laughter filling the car. She prayed to the gods to hear that laugh again. 

By the time she returned to Seoul, the darkness of the night had already cloaked the streets. Armed with the pink box of macarons from your hometown bakery, Jimin’s heart raced with anticipation and dread. Aeri had passed along a tip (reluctantly overheard from Minjeong, who would never willingly disclose your whereabouts to Jimin) that you were working a shift at the local bistro. 

When Jimin walked into the cozy bistro, the soft chime of the bell drew attention from other patrons. Murmurs rippled through the room as people recognized her, AESPA’s leader, a rising star. But Jimin’s focus was on you. Only you. 

You stood behind the counter, your hair tied up in a messy bun, concentrated on preparing a tray of drinks. You weren’t as put-together as you are in school, with your crisp white shirt bearing faint creases, but to Jimin, you were as breathtaking as ever. 

She made her way to the counter, sitting directly in front of you. She waited, patient and quiet, as you prepared another Long Island, your tongue sticking out in concentration. 

“Hi, sorry for the wait. What can I—” You froze mid-sentence as your eyes met hers.

Recognition flickered across your face, followed by a flash of pain. Your expression changed into something cold, guarded. 

“No.” Your tone was flat, final. “Please leave.” 

Jimin didn’t flinch. Her gaze softened, a melancholic smile tugging at her lips. She didn’t respond, she couldn’t. Not yet, she only had one chance. All she knew was that seeing you here within an arms length, was enough to momentarily soothe the ache in her chest. 

As much as you tried to suppress it, your heart betrayed you, fluttering at the sight of her. Jimin looked effortlessly stunning, her leather jacket rolled up to reveal familiar tattoos snaking down her forearm. She was exactly how you remembered and yet entirely different. 

She stared at you for another moment, her silence unnerving. Her eyes brimmed with emotions you couldn’t understand. Finally, Jimin rose to her feet, placed the pink box on the counter, and lightly squeezed your arm before turning to leave. 

You stared at the box, stunned, your mind reeling. It was from your favorite bakery in Busan, the one she had driven hours to visit countless times when you were together. Your chest tightened as you realized the lengths she must’ve gone to for this gesture. 

But you couldn’t let yourself fall for her again. Not this time. 

“I’ll be right back!” you yelled to your coworker, grabbing the box as you stormed out of the bistro.

The cold November air bit at your skin as you scanned the street for her. 

You found her leaning against a lamppost, a cigarette dangling from her lips. The sight stopped you in your tracks. When had she started smoking again? Fury flared in your chest. You strode toward her, plucking the cigarette from her fingers and tossing it to the ground. 

“What the hell, Jimin?” you snapped, glaring at her. “I thought you quit.” 

She continued to stay silent, her dark eyes fixed on you as if trying to engrave your face in her memories.

Your anger wavered. You shouldn’t care. You couldn’t care. Not after everything. Shoving the pink box back into her hands, you hissed, “Don’t ever come to this bistro again.” 

The words tasted bitter, and regret coiled in your stomach the moment they left your lips. But you couldn’t take them back. Not now. 

Jimin nodded wordlessly, her lips curling into a soft, bittersweet smile—one that inexplicably cut deeper than any argument could. With that, she turned and walked away, disappearing into the cold night. 

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It seemed after that night, Jimin had made it her mission to claw her way back into your life, whether you wanted her to or not. She didn’t speak, didn’t push, but her presence was always there, an unspoken reminder of everything you’d once shared.

You could feel her eyes on you during lunch, lingering from across the cafeteria as if she thought she could will you to look back. Even on your way to work, you swore you’d catch her silhouette in the distance, leaning against a lamppost or sitting on a nearby bench, always careful not to cross any boundaries but still there.

The weekends were no escape either. When AESPA was invited to perform at the school fair you unfortunately was in charge of organizing, it felt like fate, or perhaps Jimin, was mocking you. She stood front and center, capturing attention with her effortless charm, but every so often her eyes would search for yours in the crowd, a desperate glance that left you feeling raw and exposed.

What annoyed you most, though, was her silence. She never spoke to you, never tried to bridge the impossible gap between you. And yet, as much as it infuriated you, you hated to admit how much you missed her voice.

The way it would rasp slightly in the mornings when she whispered sweet nothings into your ear, or the confident drawl she carried when talking to others.

This Jimin, silent and unsure, almost timid, felt like a stranger. It was disarming, and you weren’t sure if you hated her for it or if it broke your heart just a little more.

As much as you tried to build walls around yourself, Jimin had a way of chipping at them, bit by bit, with gestures that felt achingly familiar.

One evening when you finally left the library, you found a gift on the hood of your car, neatly wrapped in brown paper and tied with twine, was a book you had mentioned loving once, years ago before you got together with her, a rare edition of poetry that you never got the chance to buy.

Tucked inside was a small card with her unmistakable handwriting:

For when you need an escape.– J

Your heart twisted painfully, remembering how she used to surprise you with little things like this, whether it was a book, a drink she knew you loved, or a random trinket that reminded her of you.

Another day, on your way home from a long shift, you found her waiting by the campus fountain. She didn’t approach, didn’t say anything, just held out a single stem of a sunflower, your favorite flower, the kind she used to bring to your dorm every time you aced an exam.

You wanted to yell at her, to demand why she was doing this now, but instead, you took the flower silently, clutching it tightly all the way home.

The memories came rushing back. The way she used to sit with you for hours in the library, pretending to study but really just stealing glances at you over the top of her books. How she’d wake up early to walk you to class, even if it meant cutting her own sleep short. The nights she stayed up late with you on the phone, talking about nothing and everything until you both fell asleep to the sound of each other's breathing.

Jimin knew exactly how to unravel you, and she was relentless in her quiet persistence.

Another day, after a particularly stressful day, you find yourself staring at a box left outside your apartment. Inside was a Slowpoke doll (you used to call her your SlowPoke because she was always running late and had a knack for falling asleep in random places) and a note: 

I know how these made you feel like you weren’t good enough, but these are the things I love about you. All your interests, your little habits…don’t stop.

You shoved the box under your bed in a haze of shame and anger. You’d given up your obsession with Pokémon long ago, sacrificing that part of yourself just to appease her fans and their cruel remarks. But as the days stretched on, your resolve wavered. You caught yourself glancing at the box more often than you cared to admit, the memories flooding into your mind. 

Eventually, you couldn’t help yourself. With a reluctant sigh, you pulled the Slowpoke doll from the box and placed it on your bed. That night, you held it close as you drifted off to sleep, comforted by a piece of the past you thought you’d lost. 

Each gesture tugged at the guarded heart. You hated her for how easily she slipped back into your life, even as you found yourself clutching the flower she’d given you, rereading her notes late into the night, and biting your lip to suppress the warmth spreading in your chest.

You hated her, and yet, you couldn’t deny your feelings for her. You never could.

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You wrapped your scarf tightly around your neck, shielding yourself from the brisk evening wind as you waited for Minjeong outside the movie theater.

The newest Marvel movie had finally been released, and although you’d downplayed your excitement, your heart raced. Your lame obsession with Avengers had always been a sore spot, especially since Jimin’s fangirls used it to mock you mercilessly.

Over time, you tried to bury that part of yourself, to hide how much you still adored superheroes. It was easier than facing the ridicule—or the memories tied to it. 

When Minjeong, your best friend since elementary school, asked if you wanted to see the movie, you hesitated at first. But her easy acceptance of your quirks had always been earnest, so you agreed.

The sound of tires crunching gravel pulled you from your thoughts, and you looked up to see a sleek black Mercedes pulling into the parking lot. Minjeong stepped out, her face drawn in a disgruntled scowl. She spotted you and quickly brightened, crossing the space in a few brisk strides before pulling you into a warm hug. 

“Hey, Y/N-nie. Have you been waiting long?” she asked, her voice light, though her body was stiff against yours. 

You shook your head, but something about her demeanor made you pause. Your gaze drifted back to the car, the sleek black exterior gleaming under the parking lot lights. A pit formed in your stomach as realization hit. 

“Was that… Jimin?” you asked cautiously. 

Minjeong froze. Her jaw tightened, her grip on your arms faltering slightly before she let out a resigned sigh. She avoided your eyes as she nodded.

“Yeah,” she admitted reluctantly. 

“She’s the one who asked me to bring you here,” Minjeong added after a pause. Her tone was careful, measured, as though she were treading on thin ice. “She even bought the tickets beforehand.” 

You blinked at her, stunned. 

“I didn’t want to do it,” Minjeong continued quickly, frustration in her voice. “I told her this was a bad idea, but…” She trailed off, biting her lip as her gaze dropped to the ground.

“She was persistent.” 

Your heart did a strange flip at that. You could almost picture Jimin sitting across from Minjeong, stubborn as ever, insisting that she take you to the movie. She must have known showing up herself would only push you away, so she found a way to make sure you’d still see it. It was so… Jimin. Thoughtful in a way that made your chest ache. 

“She’s been doing things like this for weeks,” Minjeong muttered, almost to herself. “Little things. She thinks they’ll fix everything.” Her round eyes flickered with an anger she didn’t bother to hide.

“I told her to leave you alone. I told her you didn’t need her messing things up again.” 

“She hasn’t been bothering me,” you said softly, reaching out to squeeze Minjeong’s hand in reassurance when her voice grew sharp.

“I promise, Jeongnie. She hasn’t done anything. Don’t worry.” 

Minjeong’s shoulders sagged slightly, but her lips pressed into a tight line. “Has she talked to you yet?” 

You shook your head. “No. Weirdly, she hasn’t said a word. Just… left some gifts every now and then.” 

At that, Minjeong’s eyes widened, and she groaned, slapping her forehead.

“I’m so stupid,” she muttered, half to herself. 

“What?” you asked, confused by her sudden exasperation. 

She shook her head quickly, waving the question away. “Nothing. Come on, let’s go inside. The movie’s about to start.” 

As she guided you toward the theater, her arm looped protectively through yours. Though Minjeong was close friends with the leader, it was clear she didn’t like Jimin trying to worm her way back into your life.

You could see it in the tightness of her jaw, the subtle furrow in her brow. She didn’t trust Jimin. Not her promises, not her intentions, and certainly not her ability to heal the wounds she’d caused. After all, it had been Minjeong who had patiently helped you piece yourself back together, bit by bit.

And yet, the fact that she’d brought you here today, using Jimin’s tickets, betrayed the tiny sliver of hope she held for her.

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This was the fifth time that day Jimin walked past the bistro, casually peering through the windows with her hands stuffed in her leather jacket pockets before walking away.

You watched her each time, fidgeting, kicking the ground with her boots, looking like she wanted to step inside but was holding back. It was endearing, not that you’d admit it. But every time, she chose to walk away, opting to follow your words from before instead.

It had begun to snow, and you couldn’t stop yourself from worrying.

“Stupid oaf,” you muttered, before slipping outside to call out Jimin’s name.

She was already on her sixth round of circling the bistro, her slender figure blending into the gray snowfall.

“Yoo Jimin!” You called, your breath forming a cloud in the cold air.

The raven-haired girl stopped in her tracks, her shoulders stiffening before she slowly turned around to look at you. A nervous grin tugged at her lips, and your heart fluttered involuntarily.

“Just…just come in.” You sighed, avoiding her gaze.

Jimin’s face lit up, her eyes sparkling with glee like a little kid as she quickly made her way over.

You led her through the busy bistro, past the tables full of customers, to the counter, exactly where she had sat the first time she came. You couldn’t help but feel self-conscious at the way she was staring at you, her face resting in her palms, eyes wide and starry.

Sighing, you pushed the menu to her. “What do you want to order?”

Jimin merely looked at you, a silly smile gracing her lips. Your eyes flickered to it, momentarily lost in the soft curve of her mouth and her luscious lips, before quickly looking away.

“Fine.” You mumbled, quickly pouring her a cup of warm coffee.

Fortunately, you were distracted by the steady stream of orders. It was a Saturday night, after all, and that meant people were coming in for drinks. You were busy making drinks, serving them, but with Jimin there, it felt different, lighter, happier.

That was when Joon, a usual customer and a tall, blurry figure, stumbled over to the counter, clearly drunk. You tensed instantly. Joon was always handsy when he drank, more often than not, and you always tried to stay out of his way.

“Y/NNNNN,” he slurred, leaning way too close for comfort, his breath heavy on the counter.

Jimin’s eyes narrowed, and you saw the muscles in her jaw clench.

“I missed you,” Joon continued, leaning forward, his gaze lingering in a way that made your stomach churn.

“How about we go on a date? My place is just around the corner.”

“I’m not interested, Joon.” You pushed back, trying to create some space. “Please, leave me alone.”

Joon’s expression twisted into something more sinister, his hand suddenly reaching over the counter to grab your arm, his fingers digging into your skin. You winced at the pressure, red marks forming on your arm as he held you tight.

That’s when Jimin had had enough. She stood up, towering over him, her height equal to his, but with a quiet strength that commanded attention.

“Get. Your. Hands. Off. Her.” Her voice was cold, and before you could react, she pushed Joon off, sending him stumbling backward into the wall.

Joon recovered quickly and swung at Jimin, narrowly missing her face by a hair. You stepped forward, panic flooding your chest, quickly pulling Jimin away from him.

“Let it go, Jimin,” you urged, your voice shaky as you tugged her close to you. “Please, stop.”

Jimin hesitated, her eyes softening as she looked at you. She reached down and gently cradled the arm that Joon had grabbed, her cold fingers brushing over the tender skin, sending a shiver up your spine.

“I’m okay,” you said, trying to reassure her.

She looked like she was about to say something when a yell from your coworkers snapped your attention back to the scene. You turned just in time to see Joon charging forward, having managed to break free from the grip of your coworkers. His fist collided with Jimin’s temple with a sickening crunch, and she crumpled to the floor.

You screamed, panic rising as onlookers rushed to contain Joon. Jimin lay motionless, and you immediately knelt by her side, heart racing.

“Jimin?” You screamed, rushing to her side. The blood had already begun to trickle down her temple, and a bruise was swelling rapidly.

You knelt beside her, panic clawing at your chest. “Jimin? Baby? Please, wake up.”

You cupped her pale face in your trembling hands, her skin cool against your palms. She was so still, and it terrified you.

After a few moments of desperate attempts to rouse her, her eyelids finally fluttered open, and you let out a shaky breath of relief.

“Oh thank god,” you sighed out in relief, your chest tightening as her eyelids slowly fluttered open.

“Jimin? Can you hear me?”

Her cheeks were squished as your hands cupped her face. You might have found it cute if you weren’t so worried. Her dazed expression and the way her chubby cheeks puffed out only made your heart ache more.

“Am I dreaming?” she asked, a dopey smile still lingering on her lips.

You leaned back, running a hand through your hair in relief and exasperation.

“No, Jimin,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “You just got punched. This is very real.”

Her grin faltered in realization. Her eyes widened in horror as she scrambled to sit up.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she muttered, groaning in embarrassment, her hands shooting up to touch her tender forehead.

“Please forget I said anything. Please.”

She couldn’t believe that she wasted her only chance, her only sentence, just to ask her if you were real.

You reached out, gently stopping her from touching her injury. “Don’t touch. You’re bleeding.”

Your manager let you leave early after apologizing repeatedly to Jimin. After all, one of the biggest rising stars had just been injured in his bistro.

Jimin smiled good-naturedly and shrugged off his apologies, clearly not phased. She had refused to go to the hospital for a check-up, and unable to stop yourself, you found yourself driving her back to your apartment.

You promised yourself this was a one-time thing, that you were just being a caring, responsible friend. Anyone would’ve done the same for her, right?

As you led her into your room, she glanced around, the familiar space tugging at something in her heart. Her eyes landed on her sweatshirt that she had lost so long ago, still draped casually over the chair.

She noticed the absence of the photos on your vanity mirror, ones that once captured all the memories of the two of you. But, then, her gaze softened as it settled on the SlowPoke doll still sitting on your bed. Her heart skipped a beat. You had kept it.

You still cared, even if you seemed so distant, so far away.

Maybe, just maybe, you hadn't forgotten her love.

You paused in your tracks as you saw Jimin poking at the SlowPoke on your bed. You turned a brilliant shade of pink, flustered, before quickly ushering her to sit down so you could tend to her wound.

"Don't move," you muttered, your voice softer than you intended as you reached up gingerly to disinfect the cut on her temple.

She winced and hissed in pain but didn’t pull away, remaining still, her dark eyes never leaving your face. The closeness of your bodies was unnerving, her skin so warm under your touch, and that tight white shirt she wore, showing off her tattoos, only added to the flurry of thoughts rushing through your head.

Why did she have to be so damn beautiful?

Jimin, on the other hand, couldn’t take her eyes off you. The softness in your eyes and the gentleness of your touch, was making her heart race. She wasn’t sure if she'd ever have this chance again.

"Why are you doing this, Jimin?" you asked, your voice coming out a little more strained than you'd planned, your hands trembling as you applied a thin layer of medicine.

Jimin’s brows furrowed in confusion. "Doing what?"

"All this," you said, motioning between the two of you. "Not talking to me, but following me around... giving me gifts..."

Jimin paused, taking a deep breath, before saying, “I wanted to make you remember.”

“Remember what?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper as you finished applying the medicine.

She let out a small breath, trying to steady herself. "Remember us."

She looked down at her hands, then back up at you, her voice growing quieter, more vulnerable. "And... make you remember my love for you."

You froze, your hands retreating from her face as your heart pounded in your chest. You searched her eyes, so open, so full of regret and hope.

And in that moment, you knew you still loved her too.

"Jimin..." You tried to form words, but your throat was tight, the emotions threatening to spill over. “I-“

Before you could finish, Jimin quickly knelt beside the bed, gently cradling your hand in hers and placing it in your lap.

“Please, give me another chance, Y/N,” she begged, the tears she had been holding back finally breaking free.

"These past few months without you have been... miserable. I know I hurt you. I know I lost myself, but I promise, I won’t let this happen again. I love everything about you, your softness, your quirky obsessions... everything. I’m sorry I didn’t reassure you when you were doubting yourself, or protect you from the hate.”

She took a shaky breath, and in a voice barely above a whisper, she said, “I don’t think I could ever love anyone as much as I love you.”

Your heart clenched, the weight of her words crashing over you. The pain you had felt for so long, the loneliness that had settled deep in your soul, began to break. You missed her, but you're scared, so scared. Scared of trusting her again, scared of the hurt she could cause, scared of how much power she held over you.

“You hurt me, Jimin. So much,” you said softly, unable to keep the pain from your voice. “I don’t know if I can trust you.”

Jimin nodded, her face softening with understanding, though the sadness in her eyes remained. But she wasn’t giving up.

“I know,” she said, her voice steady. “But I will spend the rest of my life earning back your trust.”

And in that moment, with everything on the line, you finally gave in.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Her eyes widened, and that smile, so hopeful, so full of warmth, spread across her angelic face.

“Yes, Jimin. One chance.” You whispered, your heartbeat thudding loudly in your ears.

“Yes!” Jimin punched the air lamely, her eyes sparkling as she grabbed your hand, pulling you up effortlessly.

Before you could even react, she spun you around in a twirl, making you let out a small scream in surprise. The sudden rush of laughter filled the room as you both stumbled and collapsed onto the bed, her arms immediately wrapping around you.

.

.

.

.

The soft thud of Jimin’s heartbeat was lulling you to sleep, a comforting rhythm that calmed your racing thoughts. You gently traced the ink on her forearms, each line and curve filled with her memories. Her steady breathing was a lullaby, peaceful and steady, as you cuddled up to her.

After tending to her injury, you had given her a change of clothes, and let her stay the night. She refused to let go of you, her arms wrapped tightly around you, her lips pressing soft, affectionate kisses to your forehead. It was a strange feeling, like nothing could go wrong in that moment.

For the first time in months, your heart felt whole again, free of the old pain that had lingered too long.

But then, a thought crept into your mind. Gently, you pulled away slightly, your eyes meeting the beautiful dancer’s.

She whined, unhappy at the space between you. You laughed softly, seeing the playful pout on her lips. Outside, she was fierce, confident, and intimidating even, but here, in front of you, she was just a clingy baby.

“I wanted to ask,” you began, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear, “Why did you want me to forget about what you said at the bistro? When you told me to forget it?”

A faint pink blush spread across her cheeks, and she shifted uncomfortably, not meeting your eyes.

"It was because..." she trailed off, her voice hesitant, and you gently cupped her chin, forcing  her gaze to meet yours.

“Because of what?”

"Because Minjeong said I could only talk to you once. One sentence. If you reacted badly, I would have to leave your life for good," Jimin admitted, looking away in embarrassment.

"I couldn’t believe I wasted that one sentence on asking if you were real. I was scared Minjeong would beat me up if you got mad."

You stared at her in disbelief. "That was why you refused to speak to me?"

Jimin nodded, her lips twisting into a sheepish smile.

"You’re so fucking stupid, Jimin," you muttered under your breath, shaking your head, though a fond smile tugged at your lips.

"Thank god you’re good at dancing, or else I’d be worried about your future."

"Hey!" she whined, pushing you playfully. "I’m not stupid! It’s just... Minjeong is scary when she’s mad."

Unable to hold back your endearment for this stupid lovable girl, you finally leaned down to press your lips to hers.

Jimin froze, marveling at the feel of your soft lips against hers. She had been dreaming about this moment for so long, and she quickly kissed you back with just as much enthusiasm. The kiss was soft at first, tentative before it deepened following the quickening of your heart beats.

When the air between you became a problem, you both pulled away, gasping for breath, but neither of you made a move to break the closeness. Your foreheads rested together, and for a moment, you just smiled into the space between your lips.

“What did you plan to say then?” You whispered, still breathless from the kiss, “The sentence.”

“Oh, I was going to say: Look at this cool tattoo I got.” She said mischievously, before sitting up and pulling off her shirt, leaving herself in nothing but a bra top.

You blushed immediately, eyes instinctively flicking to the defined muscles of her abs as she twisted to show you the back of her shoulders. For a moment, you couldn’t help but be distracted by the way her muscles flexed before your gaze landed on a small patch of ink on the corner of her right shoulder.

“You got a tattoo of a Charmander?” you sputtered, almost disbelieving.

“Yeah, it’s cute, right?” Jimin grinned, proud of herself.

“It reminded me of you. You have the same eyes as Charmander. And also, it’s your favorite Pokémon, so it’s a win-win.”

“Jimin, my favorite Pokémon is Chikorita…” you sighed, shaking your head in exasperation.

“Chikorita.” She repeated, her lips pursing in thought. “Not Charmander?”

“Not Charmander.”

She thought for a second, then shrugged with a grin. “At least it looks like you.”

Unable to contain yourself any longer, you grabbed the collar of her top and pulled her into another kiss, one that made her remember that you were definitely hers.

got a bit carried away so some scenes kinda dragged out 😬

but hope you all enjoyed this loserish version of jimin!

[cellythefloshie]

;; Cruel Summer Dedicated to @snugglyducklingbrewhouse for her birthday bingo

Summary: There was nothing more you looked forward to than summer after a long academic year of studies. You and your best friend are set to hit the road for a cross-country road trip, but with her comes her boyfriend, Jack Hughes, and with him his best friend and college hockey captain Nico Hischier - who just happens to be the bane of your college existence. M's Bingo Card Tropes: Taylor Swift Song AU - Enemies to Lovers - Summer / Off-season - Roommates - College AU - Sharing a Bed Kinks & TW: unprotected sex (are we surprised?) - pull out method (please don't rely on this at all it will fail you), morning sex, casual sex, hook-ups, secret relationship, situationship, drunk confessions Word Count: 7k+ A/N: We haven't been a part of each other's communities long, but you have been nothing but a welcome presence since! I am so happy that I am able to celebrate your birthday with you with this fic! I stepped out of my comfort zones a lot with this one by writing for Nico and using Taylor's Cruel Summer as the main inspiration for the fic. And somehow I managed to roll all of those amazing tropes into one fic! Happy Birthday, Hun! I hope you enjoy! 🎉 I also made a quick Pinterest board for the vibes. Playlist.

With final exams behind you, there was nothing more that you were looking forward to than summer. The warmth of the sun, the carefree freedom that was already ready to consume every bit of you as you left all your responsibilities behind you. There was nothing better than the summer vacation after a hectic academic season, especially after the stressful junior year you had. The stress of your studies aside, you could have considered it to be a great year, that was if it hadn’t been for your roommate. 

At the beginning of the term, you and your best friend had decided that you wanted to live off campus. Tired of the dorm life there was nothing more exciting than having your own place, but that came with a great cost - which meant rooming with more people than just your best friend. The three-bedroom duplex apartment you have been able to secure not far from campus was perfect, especially since your best friend had gotten her boyfriend, Jack Hughes, to room with her - but that had left a spare room to be filled. And Jack had taken the liberty of offering it to his college hockey captain: Nico Hischier. 

This hadn’t been an issue at first. He was easy enough on the eyes that you didn't complain, but it quickly become clear that the two of you weren’t going to get along. He seemed to know how to press all of your buttons, your days starting and ending with snide comments or heated arguments that left you both returning to your respective rooms - and you couldn’t wait to put that all behind you. 

With summer, you could leave that animosity behind you. You wouldn’t have to see him until you both returned for your senior year in the fall. That thought alone excited you as you packed a single duffle bag, but what excited you more was the trip you and your bestie had planned to take. You had been looking forward to it for months. The two of you had rented a van - one of those ones with the small bed and kitchen in the back. You were going to travel the country together, take in the sights and monuments the great country of America offered you. But the excitement quickly faded as you threw your bag over your shoulder and made your way down to the van that waited in the driveway. 

You wore a smile as you spotted your best friend throwing her back into the back, but then it wavered as she tossed in one bag and then another. Your lips parted to call out to her, but your throat was left weak at the sight in front of you. The devils and angels had been gambling with your happiness as with your bestie came her boyfriend Jack and with him Nico. Your biggest college nemesis would be joining you on what was supposed to be your greatest escape from him. 

Most nights, the four of you piled into the back of the van. You would all sleep stuffed into the cot, elbows bent into backs and uncomfortably hot as you found yourself venturing into the southern states. It left tensions high, and you constantly on edge, especially when Nico tested the boundaries of just how much room he was allowed to take up on the bed. He was by far the biggest of the four of you, standing at 6’1 - a whole 2 inches taller than Jack - and broad with muscle he seemed to take up more and more room as the nights went on. It sent your blood boiling as you fought him on it, as it sent Jack closer to the center of the bed, and your best friend further into you,  and in turn you were forced closer to the wall of the van. It left you claustrophobic and struggling through sleepless nights so finally after mere days of driving the four of you agreed to check into a motel for a proper night of sleep. 

What the four of you couldn’t agree on was the sleeping arrangements. With your best friend dating Jack she was quick to state they would be sharing a room, but you couldn’t afford a room all to yourself and that only meant sharing with Nico. You were far from interested in that. 

“We could share a room, and the boys could share a room,” you insisted, your arms coming to cross your chest as you leaned up against the van, “it’s not like they haven’t shared a room before - and we used to share a bed all the time-”

“Tell us more,” Jack was wearing a wide grin as he grabbed his bag from the back, earning a displeased groan from your lips. 

“You wish Hughes,” you scoffed at him and looked at your best friend with pleading eyes. She had to be able to see this from your perspective. She had to understand why you couldn’t stand to spend another moment with Nico never mind having to share a room with him. “Do me a solid, just this once-”

But her mind was clouded by one thing, and one thing only. Sex. You could see it on her face as a blush crept up onto her features and her words became a soft, unapologetic, “sorry.” And you couldn’t blame her. The pair of them were like two love-sick puppies that fucked like rabbits, and they hadn’t been able to fuck since the four of you had left Newerk - though you were sure Jack had finger-fucked her at least once when they thought you were asleep in the passenger’s seat during Nico’s turn to drive. 

As much as you wanted to protest, to stop your foot and throw a tantrum because Nico wasn’t even supposed to be on this trip you conceded and pointed a finger at Hughes and narrowed your eyes, “You owe me one.”

“We’ll make it up to you,” his smile didn’t waiver as he tossed your bag at you, and locked up the back doors of the van before the couple ran off to one of the two rooms Nico had gone to the front desk to secure. 

They left you both to stand in the parking lot, a standoff of sorts as he held up the remaining key. “I’m about as excited about this as you are.” Which meant he was dreading it fully, with his entire being. He’d rather die than have to be rooming with you on the road, and yet you both stood there, full of life but seething. 

“One room?”

“Yup.”

“One bed?”

“Yup,” Nico answered again, and you could have sworn you saw the corner of his lip threaten to curl up into a smirk. 

“Fuck me,” you groaned out as you reached out to snag the key from his hand, but he pulled it back, just out of your reach. Hearing your words sent his smirk blossoming into a full grin now. 

“Keep dreaming,” and when he said your name, you were on the verge of letting out an annoyed scream. 

“I wouldn’t fuck you if we were the last people on the planet and the fate of humanity was solely up to you and me,” you assured him. 

“If we were the last people on the planet, it wouldn’t be long until you were the only one left-”

Your lips curled up into a smirk of your own as your stepped forward, “Let’s play a little bit of pretend, shall we? Our planet is the hotel room, and it’s just you and me alone on that planet - so why don’t you just fuck off, sleep in the van and let me enjoy the bed.”

“Not a chance,” his eyes narrowed, “if you want the van, go right ahead but I’m not missing out on sleeping in a bed even if it means having to share it with you.” 

You had dipped into your saving to be able to cover your share of the room, you weren’t going to concede for a second time. “Just get us in the room for fuck sake, I want a real shower.”

In an instant, you knew you should have bit your tongue as Nico’s dark gaze had risen to meet your and there was a flicker of light in them that sparked like the ignition of a flame. A shower. A real shower. No one had one in days. You were sure you stunk. You knew he did. And now you would be fighting him for it. 

You couldn’t fight Nico for the key. Not with how he towered over you, and not with how the strength of his hands had fisted the key in his palm for safekeeping. Holding it down by his side, he stalked off in search of the room, but you never let him get too far out of your reach. For as soon as you heard the lock of the door disengage you had thrown a shoulder into his chest in a desperate attempt to shove him out of the way. Yet, he barely budged. Hell, you hadn’t even thrown him off balance. The only thing you had managed to do was coax a smile onto his lips as he leaned into the door, the heavy weight of him easing it open. 

Stumbling in after him, you reached your hands out to give him a good shove. Your palms met the plains of his back, your breath catching in your throat as you felt the strength of him flex beneath your touch. It was almost enough to have you conceding, your mind suddenly clouded when it shouldn’t have been. You had lived with each other for the entirety of a semester. You knew how strong he was. You had seen it when he had worn a tight t-shirt to class or had caught a glimpse of him as he made the short walk from the bathroom to his bedroom in nothing but a towel when he was sure no one would notice - because if there was one thing he was that you didn’t really mind, it was that he was modest. 

He didn’t flaunt himself around the house or the campus like the other players seemed to. His appointment of being the team Captain didn’t go to his head either. He respected his position and accepted any and all responsibilities that came with it. He didn’t even use it as a way to get girls to come back to the house - hell, had you ever seen him bring a girl home at all? 

It was a thought that left your brows furrowed as you battle him along the path towards the bathroom. You would push him, and he would shove you back - but his hands were careful, calculated in just where he touched you. Finding your waist at its curves or against the back of your shoulder as he tried to move you out of his way. But neither of you would concede. Not even as you both tried to jam your way through the bathroom door. Your bodies collided, pressed firm together at your sides and earning an exasperated sigh from both of your lips. 

Groaning you let out a sigh as you turned just enough so that your back was pressed against the cold frame. Nico did the same but stretched an arm across the doorway to grip at the frame as he tower over you. Suddenly you felt claustrophobic and small as he looked down over you, his dark hair hanging into his eyes and his smile crooked - conniving. 

“Hischier,” you swallowed hard, challenging him with nothing but his name. What was he thinking?

Whatever it was, you didn’t wait long enough to find out. You wanted to shower, and you were going to be the first one to indulge in it. Even if that meant stooping low. Easing away from the door, you inch dangerously close to Nico, giving yourself just enough room to reach down and draw your shirt up over your head. Then you reached down to your shorts, thumbing the button free before letting them fall to the floor before you were standing there in nothing but your bra and panties. 

You watched as his face softened, his dark gaze raising just enough for you to know you had some kind of effect on him. Cocking your head, you smiled, pressing up onto your toes just enough to mutter up to him, your words hot against his cheek, “I’ll try to leave some hot water for you. Now, be a gentleman and shut the door.” 

Ducking under his arm you sauntered off into the bathroom with your bag in hand and a bit of a hop in your step. You would celebrate every single one of your little victories. 

With Nico’s silent surrender, you heard the door close behind you and you let yourself undress and relish under the heated embrace of the water - but you did keep the shower quick. It was the least you could do when he was nice enough to concede when you challenged him. 

Exiting the bathroom, you were dressed in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of barely there shorts. You had hoped that you would be able to sleep without pants for the first time in days but there was no way that was going to happen now. Nico wasn’t about to get a free show, not from you. 

“There’s still hot water there for you,” you told Nico firmly as you moved for the bed and crawled up onto the side of the bed that was left for you. 

It wasn’t the side you normally slept on, but you weren’t going to fight him on it. You had gotten to shower first, so he could have his preferred side of the bed. You settled into the bed, it was stiff and the sheets a bit scratchy but it would do. Anything was better than sleeping in the van at this point. 

You had hoped to be asleep before Nico had come out of the shower, but the rush of the water in the next room was all too loud and you couldn’t get comfortable. Worst of all, when the tattooing of the water against the tub had seized, your discomfort only intensified when Nico had come to bed. You could feel his heat radiating across the safe distance you had both agreed upon - a good foot of mattress that left you both sleeping on the very edge - and to your distaste he had decided to sleep shirtless. 

Every opportunity you felt sleep had to take you, you ruined it with one accidental glance over at Nico who fell asleep all too quickly at your side. You would catch a glimpse of his soft features, or the flex of his all-too-impressive muscles and it would leave you tossing and turning in bed in a desperate attempt to get comfortable. But your mind continued to haunt you: How unfair it was to have someone so irritable look like that?

Scoffing to yourself you curled up with your back to him. You thought of literally anything else but him in an attempt to bring yourself to a state where maybe, just maybe you would be able to fall asleep - but Nico had found yet another way to keep you awake. He was talking in his sleep. 

You let out a long, agonized groan as you took your pillow and shoved it over your face. You would have to go out and sleep in the van at this rate. 

Rolling over you contemplated waking him up, but the shimmer of sweat on his skin and hardening of his features was almost enough to leave you concerned. Was it a nightmare? You leaned in, encroaching on the space between you both, a careful hand coming to rest on his shoulder - it was then his lips parted, muttering an almost silent word before you heard something all too familiar: your name. Nico was dreaming about you. You swallowed hard, your eyes widening in shock before falling back into their heavily lidded state. That had to be a coincidence. Maybe you had heard him wrong. 

That was what you told yourself as you settled back into your place in bed. And with a final huff sleep crept on you, one final thought on your mind: If he was dreaming of you, you hoped it was a nightmare. 

Come morning, the space at the center of the bed no longer existed. Your bodies had both moved inwards on the surface to avoid tumbling over the edge in the night - and with that, your bodies had become intertwined. You could feel Nico against your back,  his legs tangled with yours, and you could feel the stiffness of his cock pressed up the back of your thigh. For a moment you almost forgot that it was Nico in bed next to you, a faint smile on your lips as you wiggled your hips back into his cock. His cock was impressive, to say the least, the outline of it felt so clear as he snuggled a little closer - but as Nico cuddled in close you caught a breath of the unique scent of him and it sent your heart plummeting. 

This was the worst-case scenario - and you hadn’t even thought once that it might happen. You couldn’t hate yourself more than you did at the moment as you shifted just enough to press your ass into the girth of his cock. And you chastised yourself for it, disgusted with your own actions as you wiggled and pressed yourself against Nico to feel all of him. He would notice, he was still asleep - and with how carefully and subtly you moved you hoped in the off chance that he did wake up that he would think you were still sleeping too. 

But then you felt a hot, heavy breath blossom out and over your shoulder and the strength of his arms was coiling around you like a boa constrictor. Nico had been awake the whole time. You should have pulled away at the realization, but instead, you were frozen, petrified as he leaned in and nuzzled his face into your hair. Then, with sleep still heavy on him, he leaned in and placed a lazy kiss on your neck. And when he finally spoke you could hear the amusement in his words, “I won’t tell them if you don’t.”

For a moment, you think it might be some kind of joke. Something that will end with him peeling away from you with laughter at your willingness if you were to agree with him. A cruel joke for him to play, but then you feel his hips as he presses his hips up against your ass as if you hadn’t felt his hard-on already. It was that action, that really had you entertaining the idea of letting him fuck you. You really should have, not with how much you loathed him, and not with how much he loathed you. He was all around intolerable, you knew it. Everyone knew it - and yet, when he shifted just enough to ease his cock from his boxers and ease it into the small triangle of space between your thighs and clothed cunt you were caving. 

“For fuck sake, Nico,” you groaned out, using his first name for the first time. It felt foreign as it slipped off your tongue, having only exclusively addressed him by his last name until that moment as he slowly fucked that space between your thighs and your judgement waivered. 

“Is that a yes?” he spoke against the sensitive skin of your neck, his voice low, sultry hum that left your arousal puddling between your legs. 

Your head cocked, “You won’t say anything?” 

“Not a damn word,” he promised, angling his hips just right to press the head of his cock up against the sensitivity of your clit as thrust lazily. 

You had to bite your lip to combat the shutter that threatened to crawl up your spine and the soft sound that would have left your lips with it. Fuck, what an embarrassing thing it was to be so desperately wet for him - but he was hard for you, and something now was telling you that the dream that left him muttering your name in the night was no nightmare, but a sex dream. You almost smiled. Almost. But you didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. This was nothing but an agreement of convenience. 

“Then stop teasing me and fuck me properly, or did you need me to teach you how to do that?” Even in bed, you wouldn’t let your rivalry wouldn’t subside. 

Drawing back, Nico was free of the space between your legs and he had given you just enough room to roll over and push the flimsy fabric of your panties down the length of your legs. You didn’t even think to discard your shirt until you were climbing into his lap, taking the dominant position on top of him, and meeting him at the mouth. 

You had never considered kissing Nico. Not once, not ever. But now as you were, feeling his soft lips against your own, and tasting his morning breath - which really wasn’t all that bad - in your mouth you started to question why it had never crossed your mind. He was a very attractive man after all, and he was very, very good at it - not that you could have predicted that when you seemed to do nothing but challenge and throw childish insults at one another. 

The caress of his tongue against your own left you melting into him, your hands exploring the shape of his body - something you hadn’t done so much as catch glimpses of before. You could feel every ripple of his muscle as his hands moved to hold you just right, and every twitch of his cock as you let your hips roll up and down the length of him without taking him inside you. It left his coated in the slick of your arousal, sending tingles down to your toes, but you were impatient - and your best friend would be too when they would be kept waiting on the both of you. 

Reaching down between the both of you, you took hold of his cock in your hand and stroked it slowly. Nico let out a soft sound against your lips, coaxing a smile onto your lips as you guided him to the entrance of your cunt and eased yourself down onto him. His cock stretched out in all the best ways, sending a burn of pleasure to spread throughout your body in a heatwave as you rode him in a steady rhythm. 

For a time, you thought Nico was just going to fall into submission. That he was going to let you ride him hard and steady as you would your fingers into his messy hair and relish in how you tugged it - but you could always count on Nico to challenge you. His large hands spread over your hips, lulling you into the false sense that he was going to help guide you up and down the length of his cock but he was only trying to find his leverage. Soon, he was holding you firmly in his hands, flipping you so that your back was against the bed - and not once had his cock left you to feel void. 

You could feel every inch of him with every thrust as his large hands guided your legs up to wrap around his hips. The simple action had left your lips parting to protest him - there was something too intimate about missionary, the last thing you wanted was to be looking him straight in the face as he fucked you - but your words were silenced completely by a moan. He was bringing pleasure to you that the frat boy hookups you had collected during your time in college could only dream of bringing you. 

It left you reeling against the mattress, your head thrown back into the pillows as you reached out to grasp at anything to ground you. The mattress, the T-shirt that still hung off your body, and Nico. You clung to Nico as if he was the very source of your gravity. Your hands found his shoulders, clutching at his strength desperately as your legs wound around his middle. Heels pressed into his back and the pressure of his weight against your inner thighs as each deep thrust tested the depth of your flexibility but you were desperate to take him to your limits. 

It left your head spinning as the pleasure of him fucking you - and not just fucking you, fucking you hard. His every thrust fueled with every ounce of animosity the two of you had held since September - threw you into ecstasy, your mouth agape with a silent moan as you refused to give him the satisfaction of hearing you - and you could not risk anyone hearing you both from outside the motel door. 

But Nico wasn’t as discrete. His lips parted in a soft moan that had you drawing him into you to place one last hungry kiss on his lips before he was pulling back and pulled out of you. His face was soft, completely and utterly relaxed as he took hold of his cock and stroked it until his cum had shot out over the thin fabric of your oversized t-shirt. 

It left you cursing. You slept in that shirt more often than you would like to admit, and now it was going to be a mess you had to hide - but at least he hadn’t cum inside you. 

Pulling off the shirt, you stepped into the bathroom to clean yourselves up in silence. You shared nothing more than careful glances as you dressed and you didn’t speak to one another until you were both standing at the motel room door, staring at it as if it were going to open itself. 

“This never happened?” You quirked a brow up at him. 

“What never happened?” he met your gaze, his face expressionless but you could see the playful smile that lingered in his dark eyes.

“Exactly,” you breathed out and reached for the handle. 

You were both hit with the blinding light of the morning, your eyes squinting before you could pull your sunglasses down to shield them. You tried to keep your head down, to make your way to the van with the hope that Jack and your best friend had yet to finish up your own fun - but it was that very pair that greeted you, her voice all too chipper for you to be happy about so early in the morning, “we were starting to think you killed each other- 

Groaning, you opened the side door of the van and tossed your bag into the back. It wasn’t abnormal for you to be irritable in the morning, you were in no way a morning person, but the last thing you wanted to talk about was Nico. Especially when you could still feel the ghost of his touch on your body, and the heat of him as he trapped you between his body and the van as he reached around you to toss your own bad inside. Sure, you could pretend he hadn’t just fucked the life out of you, but it wasn’t going to be something you forgot about. Not when your legs were still on the verge of trembling and not when you could feel Nico’s eyes dragging over the curves of your body - undoubtedly admiring how you looked in the little sundress you had put on. 

He would have to get better at hiding that stare of his. Climbing into the back of the van you let yourself glance back at Nico, your eyes meeting his as your lips pressed into a firm line to suppress that smile you wanted to give him It was then you finally answered your best friend, “Yeah, well, there’s still time.”

The rest of the summer had been cruel. Both June and July had been heated, and not just because of the rising temperatures. As you travelled from state to state you teetered on the tightrope walk of secrecy you had created with Nico. Since the two of you had shared the bed back in at the cheap motel there was no ignoring the magnetic draw you had towards one another. Don’t get it wrong, you still hated him - or at least that’s what you told yourself as you travelled across the country with him, your best friend and Jack. 

The two of you would start fights just for the hell of it. The arguments were mundane and heated to distract your friends and yourselves from the lingering glances the two of your found yourself sharing, or the lingering of his hand against your thigh as you both sat in the back seats and you were sure your friend and Jack couldn’t see a damn thing - and not once did they think anything was going on between the two of you because on the surface nothing had changed. 

It was in secret, between breaths and late nights that you and Nico had stolen your moments. Time in time again the two of you would sneak away - sometimes it was Jack and your best friend that left you alone when they would sneak off for some shameless fun of their own - to break the tension that would build in the hours, minutes and seconds from the last time you would have indulged in one another. It was a whirlwind of emotion to go from fighting one moment to having Nico’s hands on your body the next. It was an exhilaration you chased right down to the very last day of your trip. 

You relished in every moment of no-rule, no-strings-attached affection the two of you indulge yourselves in over your 100 days of summer. Even now as you sipped back your drink in the dim light of the dive bar you frequented on campus you struggled to forget the hookups and makeup sessions that had been the highlights of your summer fling. 

Shutting your eyes, you sighed out, the memories so clear as you let your mind wander. You could remember so clearly how the two of you had stood in the warm embrace of the van’s bright headlights, your silhouettes stretching out over the motel’s brick walls. You were mere feet apart, the spotlight on you keeping you at bay as you exchanged subtle glances. His dark eyes left you melting, your heart racing with excitement as your best friend and Jack had already run off to their motel room. You and Nico had put on your usual charade, protesting about having to share a room with one another again. It had become a version of foreplay more than anything as when the van’s headlights dimmed, and his features were left aglow from the buzzing light that flickered above the nearby vending machines there was no stopping the two of you. 

His gaze had dropped, his lips curling up into the cocky smirk he often found himself wearing when it was just the two of you before the space between you was stolen and he was pressing you back against the hood of the van and kissing you. The kiss had been far from chaste. There was always an insatiable hunger the two of you shared, one that could only be combatted by the touch of his hand against your skin, or the taste of his tongue in your mouth. You remembered it all so fondly, and you wish you hadn't because it left you to drown your longing in your drink as you watched Nico as he leaned up against the bar. His features were illuminated by the neon glow of the neon bar lights. He was entertaining the attention of a pretty girl, one that had been shamelessly flirting with him for the last 45 minutes - not that you were counting or anything. 

Upon arriving back on campus after your summer-long adventure together your secret summer fling had been left behind. It was easier that way, at least that was what you told him. You needed to focus on your studies, and he was juggling his college hockey career and maintaining a high enough GPA not to get kicked from the team. With your responsibilities aside, it had been a relationship of convenience, you had been stuck with him all summer, so it just made sense. Right?

That thought didn’t make the jealousy any less tolerable as your empty glass met the tabletop and you excused yourself to get some fresh air. You had thought the crisp autumn breeze would have been enough to calm you. That it would ease the race of your mind and draw you from the void you felt aching deep in your chest. But the chill only brought attention to how you missed the warmth of his body against your own and it left you sinking to the ground, your head in your hands as you sat on the curb as you let out a sob. 

As much as you tried to hide it, the crying drew the attention of those outside taking long drags of cigarettes and those coming and going from the bar. There was a time nobody would have given a damn. When they would have just passed you without looking twice, but you were best friends with Jack Hugh’s girlfriend and no longer got to slip beneath the radar. 

It only took a few minutes for your best friend to come running out of the bar, her face blanketed with concern and Jack in tow. Even he, who seemed to be the embodiment of smiles and sunshine, had let his face go soft. They had never seen you like this before. Your name was a mere echo in your mind as your best friend’s voice echoed in your mind. 

“Hun, what’s wrong?” she spoke out to you in a soft tone, her hands on your shoulders as she tried to get you to look at her, “did something happen?”

“No, no,” you shook your head, your hands raising to wipe your cheeks free of your tears, “I’m fine, really.”

It was a lie. You knew it. They knew it, but you refused to tell them the truth. You couldn’t exactly tell them that you hated seeing Nico with someone else. Not when they thought you hated him - not while you were still trying to convince yourself you hated him too, but there was a very thin line between love and hate and you had broken it. 

Through vision blurred by your tears, you watched as Jack and your best friend exchanged worried looks, and without exchanging a single word they had reached a decision. “Com’on let’s get you home,” your friend sighed, her arms wrapped around your shoulder to help you into a standing position, and when she spoke again you almost vomited, “Jack, go get Nico-”

“No!” You blurted out, your eyes wide and your stomach in knots. 

And they don’t question it, because why would they? To them, you hated Nico and leaving him behind had always been something you had been advocated for - especially since that often meant you had more time away from him. Yet, it didn’t stop Jack from going back into the bar as your best friend helped you into the back seat of the car where she would sit with you for the duration of the ride home. Her hand stroked over your hair, her arms keeping you pulled into her as you couldn’t shake the cries that consumed you. 

You choked back each sob, your face burying into your friend's shoulder as Jack, who was always your designated driver, drove through the campus traffic and back to the house. But it didn’t stop the tears from leaving the hot trails down your cheeks and you couldn’t ignore how Nico’s stare had been fixed on the rearview mirror that was angled just right for him to take in the sight of you. With just a single glance at the mirror, you were left to fight a shiver that threatened to travel up your spine. You didn’t like the way he was looking at you. It wasn’t with annoyance, frustration or anger for pulling him away from the nightlife, but instead, he was looking at you with concern. 

Feeling the heavy weight of his stare on you for the duration of the car ride, you were quick to get out of the car the moment it had been thrown into park. Your limbs felt numb, and your heart was racing. Your tears had seized, but you had been thrown into a flight response. Quick steps carried you up the driveway as you pleaded with your friend. Your words assured her that you were fine as you abandoned them in the driveway and disappeared through the gates of the garden. 

You were welcomed by the garden that had already welcomed the embrace of autumn. Flowers wilted, and leaves began to change into brilliant shades of red, orange and gold before tumbling to the ground with the gentle embrace of the breeze. It sent a chill through your body as you settled yourself down on one of the garden benches, and it left you contemplating about going inside and locking yourself in your room but you needed the distraction. You needed to hear the rustle of the leaves. You needed to smell the unique scent of their decay. You need to feel the change of the season, the changes that came with life that you would be forced through and accept. In that you found your calm, one that was challenged in an instant as you heard a pair of footsteps against the cobblestone path that wound its way through the garden. 

Looking up, you had expected to welcome your best friend, she had never failed to make sure you were taken care of and yet it wasn’t the sight of her that greeted you. Somehow, some way, Nico must have convinced her that this was a job he was suited for and it left you sick to your stomach. 

“Can I help you with something?” you didn’t mean to be so polite, you should have bit out some kind of snarky remark at him, but your voice was weak and you didn’t have enough energy for a fight. 

Nico was silent for a moment as he came to sit down at your side on the bench. He didn’t meet your gaze, his hand folded in the hold of one another as he fidgeted with his fingers. You watched him out of the corner of your eye as he looked down at the ground, his dark hair falling down into his eyes as his lips parted in an uneven breath. “No, I ah-” he rambled out gently, you had never seen him as such a loss for words before. Nico had always been so quick to counter you, to challenge you and you so quick to do so in return and yet you both had been reduced to tiptoeing around just the right words to say, “I just, wanted to- Are you okay?”

You answered with a stiff; “Ha!” Your gaze cast to the side as you rolled your eyes, “as if you care.” 

Your words left him wincing, his head cocking to the side. You had his full attention now as his jaw slacked, and his mouth was left gaping as if to say, did you really just say that to me? 

“Of course I fucking care,” he bit out, your name followed after, his voice raised. Offended. 

You could only scoff again, “Why would you?”

“Why would I?” he echoed you, a thick brow raising up, “you damn well know why. So why don’t you tell me what happened, and whatever asshole did this to you is going to have to deal with the entire hockey team-” 

You near groaned, he would never understand. There was no one to punish because the person who did this to you was yourself. You chose to push Nico away after returning home. You chose not to sneak around anymore and that meant you couldn’t have him. Then, the protectiveness of his tone dawned on you and you almost laughed. He had no reason to be getting that way. Not when he had no claim on you, not when you had both agreed to act like what happened during the summer didn’t happen - and yet your heart still ached for him, and it seemed he struggled to put it behind him as well. But if his words were enough to lull you into a false hope that maybe he had fallen for you too, you couldn’t let yourself admit it to him - you hadn’t even fully admitted it to yourself either. Pushing up from your seat you began to walk away from him, your hand waiving him off carelessly. 

“Just as I said earlier, I’m fine,” you did your best to assure him as you tried to leave him at the centre of the garden, but in one rushed stride and he was close enough to reach out for your wrist. 

“For fuck sake, talk to me,” he demanded, his voice raised as he tugged on your arm just hard enough to turn you back around to face him. 

You didn’t know if it was his tone or the way his skin felt against your own but it felt a rage inside you, one that wasn’t quite an anger, and not quite desire, but it left you to shout, “I love you” before you could stop yourself. Then your eyes went wide with the sudden realization of what you had just let yourself say. Then your words fell into a scoff, your head shaking as if you were talking to yourself and yourself alone, “Ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

Your words had sealed your fate, leaving your heart racing as Nico had lost every sense of hesitation. Shoving your hand to the side he stepped in to steal the air between your breath and took your face in his hands. And as his name was but a mere whisper on your lips he was guiding you in, his lips coming crashing down onto yours. Your cruel summer may have ended, but autumn was just the beginning for Nico and you.  

[sillystargirll]

Songs that remind you of Ghost, Soap and Alejandro

They make me so fucking horny ugh like slut me out

Ghost

OMG!! when you listen to this song Ghost always finds a way into your mind.

He's not the most talkative person that's for sure, but every time he makes eye contact with you, you can instantly tell by just looking into his eyes what he's feeling most of the time.

But whenever you two are training together he loves eye fucking he knows every little dirty thought that runs.

It honestly a mind fuck for you but sometimes you feel like Ghost has telepathy or some shit like that. He teases you by whispering in your ear telling you what a dirty little slut you are thinking of him taking you and whoring you out to everyone on the team.

But when you two are off to solo missions you play this song hopefully wishing that he's listening to your thoughts of him out there.

lyrics that remind you of him " Cause I can read your mind, I can your mind, I can hear your thoughts like a melody."

Bonus- he secretly likes this song too added it to his playlist but will never admit to that.

Soap

The first time you listened to this song it brought back memories of when you first got introduced to Soap by Price when joining 141.

Soap was a real charmer his dazzling charming skills bought you drinks at the bar and complimented your skills on the battlefield, which had won you over and the two of you became close causing you to have a fling with each other.

Soon after with all the teasing and flirting you couldn't get him out of your head. Especially when you accidentally saw him in his full glory in the showers, after was an imprint on your memory and got you incredibly turned on.

So now that you listen to the song all you can think of is him and you in the shower fucking your brains out.

lyrics that remind you of him- "Won't you stay, won't you lay, stay forever and ever and ever and ever."

Bonus- he knows that this song reminds you of him especially when you are in the shower barracks alone while pleasuring yourself.

Alejandro

this song takes you back when you both got back from a 2 month solo mission both of you hungry for each others touch and not caring if anyone in base heard or saw you guys getting rough and dirty.

However you were a tease to him slowly taking off your top and bra, revealing your perky tits to him which he wanted to suck and nibble on but the moments you seductively drop your panties to your ankles

he could feel himself about to cum in his pants he growled and roughly threw you onto the bed you both shared and caressed every part of your body from head to toe.

you can't help but shine back through those moments it always left you soaking your panties.

lyrics that remind you of him- "Still so high, hypnotized In a trance from his body, so buttery brown and tantalizing.

Bonus- You and Him both listened to this song while having sex and it made things more heated for both of you.

Let me know if i should do one Rudy, König, Gaz and Price

[woolmasterleel]

Some doodles from yesterday (❁´◡`❁)

Since I have to yap about every little thing I draw, I'm hiding it here <3

I threw on one of my playlists and made myself do quick doodles per song.. I only did five but it was fun challenging myself to just get stuff down and not worry so much about it.. ANyway elephant in the room: Love Story of course.

I'm joking but. But I gave her white lilies... not her wedding flowers but Mirror's funeral flowers. I think it's fun

Speaking of him. Mirror has different outfits for every arc and I want to draw all of them.. This one is his Empire of Hiedero Arc, maybe??? I considered Rapid Corpus but I think he's only expose his shoulders around Rukka since he's more relaxed then

Yaldy in Jose's outfit because I think it's so cute

Adam was fun to doodle again, I really like his design I just never draw him. He looks pissed the hell off (●'◡'●)

And as always I'm late to art meme trends, but I've wanted an excuse to draw Maggies and Yaldy together so I scribbled them out (my gijinkas since. I think regular Yaldy is far larger than egg Magolor so. You wouldn't see him at all). Those two seem so wildly different but are more alike than I thought.. evil controlling god wannabes are my favourite genre o(*°▽°*)o

They would kill each other though for sure

[galaxywarp]

I broke my grandma’s star projector.

My grandma passed away on February 26th, 2023 at 2:05pm.

In the absence of my shitty father, grandma moved in with us and helped raise me ever since I was very little. She was more like a parent than a grandparent in that sense, but she was also still very much my soft wonderful loving amazing grandmother. I don’t remember a time when she wasn’t right down the hall, always there and always happy to talk to me or hold me or play with me. Until…now, I guess.

I had bought a star projector a few years ago. She came into my room and was amazed by how beautiful it was. We sat on my bed together listening to some of her favorite Dean Martin songs and watching the colorful lights dance across the walls and ceiling. She loved it.

I ended up putting it in her room. Every night I would come in and ask her which color combination she wanted — it could be blue, green, red, or white, or any mixture of those. She usually preferred blue, and she liked when the green laser stars would fade in and out, instead of always being on. I would turn it on along with some music I had put on my old iPod for her. It was a 2nd generation iPod nano that I had used as a child but now had a playlist simply called “grandma <3” and was filled with all her favorites. I would put on the star projector and the music and sit with her for a bit until she fell asleep, watching the pretty lights with her and happy that I could do this for her.

She couldn’t bring the star projector when she moved into hospice, but she did bring her iPod. I would play it for her at the nursing home and it was beautiful to me that even with her advanced dementia, she could still sing along to her favorite songs. She could sing easier than she could talk. My mom told me that had something to do with how the brain processes those two actions differently.

After she died, we had to clean out her room. I decided I wanted the star projector. To remember all the nights we enjoyed it together, and how I had been able to give her something beautiful.

As I was packing my things, I had set it down on my couch and briefly left the room.

I heard a crack.

It had fallen, and broken all over the floor.

My entire life, I’ve survived by running from my feelings. By burying them down and repressing them. Trauma after trauma, locked in a vault I refuse to open.

When I saw the broken pieces of our star projector, I went numb. I cleaned it up, and I threw it away, along with my feelings about what had just happened.

It’s August now. Nearly half a year since she died. And grief is now exploding out of me in the form of breaking that star projector.

I wanted to keep it. I wanted to keep it so, so badly. I wanted to keep this beautiful memory we shared together. I wanted to sit beneath those lights and think of her and all the times she had looked up at them in awe and wonder.

But I broke it. And now it’s gone forever. Just like she is.

I broke my grandma’s star projector. and I don’t know how I’m ever going to be okay with that.

[takenbypeter]

Playlist

Peter Maximoff x reader

Words: 815

Authors note: I know the music is a lot more recent than cassette tapes but just pretend it’s on a cassette thank you!

FLUFF BINGO

“When is it my turn again?” You asked, from your spot on the couch, watching Peter while he played on his single player arcade machine.

“After I lose.”

Now if it were anyone else playing it might not have been that long but Peter? Peter was a master at all arcade games. Okay maybe not all but a lot.

You groaned, slouching even further in the cushions, “boooooo! Who knows how long that’ll be.”

He shrugged and you groaned again, throwing your head against the backboard. You stared up at the popcorn ceiling for a little while longer while the sounds of blasting lasers went off in the background.

Eyes finally leaving the ceiling you angled your head to the side and curiously eyed his nearby shelf. On the shelf lay his vinyls and tapes, all sorts of his music. But what caught your eye was a tape that looked out of place. Reaching out and picking it up you realized your name was on the back, which was oddly suspicious.

Before you could think about it you were shoving the tape into your bag.

Two hours went by and soon you found yourself in your own house thanking Peter for the drop off. You gave him a small peck on the lips then watched as he ran off. As soon as he was out of view you spun around in search of the closest tape player.

Popping the tape in you pressed play and waited.

The first song was one you both fairly enjoyed. I Just Wanna Run by The Downtown Fiction. You smiled at the familiar song singing along before it finished and the next one began. You recognized this one too, Lonely Boy by the Black Keys, then the song after that and just like that you listened through both sides, a total of eight songs, each one you two commonly listen to together.

After a while the playlist came to an end and you spun it around and played it from the beginning. It was only halfway through the first song when you heard a rapid knock against your door, easily figuring out who that was.

Pushing stop you hurriedly threw a sweater over the tape player. Tugging the bottom of your shirt to make it less wrinkly you let out a huff, trying your best to seem like you’ve not just stolen property from the man behind the other side of the door.

Once calming yourself you opened the door and Peter stood with his lips pursed together and eyebrows raised.

You grinned back, unwilling to start the conversation. So he did.

“Where is it you thief?”

“Long time no see stranger,” you say walking over to the small sofa and plopping yourself in the chair, while he followed suit. “And I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

His grin deepened, corner of his eyes crinkling while his head tilted to the side, “wow now a thief and a bad liar, thought I was the only klepto in this relationship.”

You grinned at his words.

“Okay now where is it?” He repeats his original question. And you don’t want to give him the answer, you don’t but your eyes somehow fall to the sweater nearby.

In a second he’s standing in front of the table, “you’re lucky you’re pretty because your lying skills need a lot of work.“ Pushing the sweater out of the way he reveals the player.

“You listened to it.”

“Yes. I did.”

Truth be told Peter had that tape ready for months. He just didn’t know when exactly was the right time to give it to you. But now just knowing that you listened to it, he could feel his heart thumping against his chest, as the saliva started building up in his mouth. You two haven’t really said those “special”words yet so the thought of you hearing it now, made him panic just a little.

“So…what did you think about it?”

“Oh I mean I love it. You picked songs that have meaning to the both of us so I really loved it. Thank you, that was really thoughtful.”

That it. That’s all you said. Peter waited a few seconds to see if you had anything more to add, but that was it which became clear to him that you didn’t get the message.

He stood there unsure if he should explain it to you, or just say it now, but instead he grinned, opening his arms and wrapped you in close. “I’m glad you liked it.”

It was okay that you didn’t get the secret message, maybe it wasn’t the right time. But he was okay with that. One day just one day he’d be sure to point your attention to the first letter of each song, and maybe then you’d get the message but for now he was okay with this.

[brainsforbabyjesus]

I'm on a Marco kick now. Here's the start of my Marco Animorphs playlist I'm now apparently putting together (songs are grouped together thematically). 90s only for that extra animorphs vibe.

General Marco Vibes

Never gonna say I'm sorry (by Ace of Base) - "I'm never gonna say I'm sorry for the essence of my soul."

Ironic (by Alanis Morissette) - "And life has a funny way of helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face."

Flexy Boy (by Merrill Nisker (Peaches before she was Peaches)) - "Flexy boy! Flexiable! Changes shape!"

Burning Rubber (by Mr. Mirainga) - "When I'm drivin' my speed demon machine, flyin', three digits, man. Nothin' you've ever seen. Cam and crankshaft turning. Smell the engine burnin'."

Girls and Boys (by Blur) - "Girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they're girls, who do girls like they're boys."

Clever (by Jill Sobule) - "I can be clever, I can be clever. I can charm your pants off, I can be clever. I can be funny, I can make you laugh."

I'm gonna be rich and famous

Supermodel (by Jill Sobule) - "And my hair will shine like the sea. And every one will wanna look just like me 'cause I'm young and I'm hip, so beautiful."

Perfect World (by Liz Phair) - "I wanna be cool, tall, vulnerable, and luscious. I would have it all if I'd only had this much."

Throw My Name (by Merrill Nisker (Peaches before she was Peaches)) - "I want to walk into a room and not have to explain who I am or what I do because people will know my name."

I'm not always easy to be around

Have You Ever (by The Offspring) - "Have you ever buried your face in your hands 'Cause no one around you understands Or has the slightest idea what it is that makes you be?"

Basket Case (by Green Day) - "Neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it. Sometimes I give myself the creeps. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. It all keeps adding up. I think I'm cracking up. Am I just paranoid?"

Answers (by Goldfinger) - "That's when I realize, that I see what I'm really selling. You tell me where your skeleton's hiding. Tell me all and I'll tell you. You think you have a real good fucking answer, a fucking answer I'll give you."

If I had a nickel for every time I tried to kill my mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice

Walking On Broken Glass (by Annie Lennox) - "Since you abandoned me, my whole life has crashed. Won't you pick the pieces up, 'cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass."

Disarm (by Smashing Pumpkins) - "I used to be a little boy, so old in my shoes. And what I choose is my choice. What's a boy supposed to do? The killer in me is the killer in you."

The Climb (by No Doubt) - "Although many failed I must now prevail with no questions. Have no time to stop, onward to the top of the mountain. I can't turn back now."

Wish (by Nine Inch Nails) - "Climbed up real high, now fall down real far. No need for me to stay. The last thing left, I just threw it away. I put my faith in God and my trust in you. Now there's nothing more fucked up I could do. [...] I'm the one without a soul, I'm the one with this big fucking hole."

It's Not That Serious (by Jennifer Lopez) - "It should concern you, that I'm always one step ahead of you. So that should let you know that what you do I have done before, it's nothing new. So run those games on someone who can be fooled."

Come Home (by Placebo) - "Come home, come home, come home, come home, come home, come home, come home, come home."

[sourbinnie]

title -> hits different genre -> angsty angst pair -> ot8! skz/ateez x gn!reader plot -> when love is a lie and your friends don't know what to do anymore to get you by. warnings -> alcohol consumption + cursing a/n: yeah,,,, i had to ok THIS IS SO LONG ALSO IM SORRY

i washed my hands of us at the club you made a mess of me i pictured you with other girls in love then threw up on the street

remembering felix came in different shades & colors. it brought me back to reality that i was already thinking of him and the night didn't even start. washing my hands to wash the memories of us seemed to be doing no effect in my brain and the easiest way to forget was to consume alcohol until i couldn't stop. it wasn't healthy, it wasn't easy and it certainly wasn't what i wanted but my friends dragged me out every time like my life depended of how well and how much i could handle in the dancefloor of another god awful sweaty club.

here i was once again thinking of late nights with felix where we would stay in bed, where i would think of him and not feel pain. i would just be in a pure bliss and love moment. now it's just dark & twisted, gut wrenching and heartbreaking memories and that's all i held onto. i could picture with any of the girls/guys here and he would be happier, even if every part of me hated me for doing so. maybe he was in love with someone else all along and couldn't tell me, and i would have to live in the reality that he wasn't mine for me to love.

like waiting for a bus that never shows you just start walking on they say that if it's right, you know each bar plays our song nothing has ever felt so wrong

oh god the song that started playing. i could not imagine a worse scenario than going out and hearing it on the street. it came from a dusty bar but it still ringed in my ears as i picked up the pace to go somewhere else. it was a habit of mine to make playlists for hongjoong. he would listen to them to calm down when he was nervous, to when he was busy at work and needed music to keep him company or when he missed me. maybe he was doing that right now.

no, he wouldn't have broken up with me if he missed me. he wouldn't have muttered those words at me if he was gonna regret it now when all he was radiating was confidence that night. as the tears made it's way down my cheeks just because a song could get me that way. this wasn't any normal break up, this was the person who i felt was the love of my life drifting away from me in the cruelest way possible. so here i was sitting on the pavement, waiting for everything to just stop for a moment and for my thoughts to drift far away from him.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different it hits different this time

i knew they were all lying to me, everyone here was in a happy relationship except me. i used to be part of the happy crew though, i used to smile in every photo and send them to changbin. he was my motivation to keep going and my strength to feel better about myself. now without him, i only know the saddest of beats due to the amount of time i take to listen to playlists that only make me wanna cry. i'll never get what crossed his mind for him to break up with me.

we weren't the perfect couple, we had our disagreements but we clicked. like two pieces in a puzzle we somehow found our way to each other and we settled. moving in together, adopting a pet, introducing each other to our families, it all went by so fast and i didn't appreciate enough when i had it. now i was missing the most common of things as i looked at the engagement rings on my friends' hands. maybe that could have been us but in this life, it looks like not.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

what had me hooked on to san? literally everything. the way he was careful around me, the way he sang me to sleep and the way he just simply knew me like the back of his hand. that's the way i wanted things to be forever. it somehow drifted to him not knowing me at all and acting so cold & distant. i missed my sannie, i missed him so fucking much. it was like i needed him to continue 'cause i knew he was the one i wanted to marry all along, that dream guy you chase after like it's a fairytale.

but life was no fairytales and as i looked outside in the window in my room, the rain seemed unstoppable like the wave of tears that invaded me. he was the one, i knew he was the one. yet if he was the one, he would've stayed and we would've never fought in the first place, he wouldn't have changed his ways and his habits. i never was the biggest fan of physical contact but nowadays i crave his clinginess, his hugs, his kisses, him calling me prince/princess. i just missed him.

i used to switch out these kens, i'd just ghost rip the band-aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw freedom felt like summer then on the coast now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings

i hated dating, it was a fact at this point. you date someone to fall in love and get your heart broken like an idiot? no thanks, i would rather not. but i made an exception for him, for minho. thinking that maybe i would settle down forever & ever, not having to worry about a damn thing because i had found the one. it was a lie, it all was fake as fuck as he left me stranded in the cold and i tried to chase him down but it was useless. it was no lie that he was cold hearted when he was mad but this exceeded my expectations.

going on vacations to forget the one you loved wasn't the best idea either. it's like everywhere i looked, i saw him staring right at me with that mischievous look of his. i wanted to run to him again, to have him in my arms and just simply enjoy the fucking moment. why did he have to play me like this? like some kind of twisted game where he came out victorious and i stood there like a loser in the board. tracing figures in the sand, i had never felt more pathetic and lonelier than ever.

and i never don't cry at the bar yeah, my sadness is contagious i slur your name till someone puts me in a car i stopped receiving invitations

it was like a song repeating itself the way i said his name, i could not stop and feel embarrassed because i went through every stage of the breakup. first i was angry, then i was sad and miserable and now i just felt numb. numb because yunho left and i had no idea how the fuck to move on from mr. perfect guy to being single forever and ever. i didn't want anyone else and everybody knew that. still people tried to get me to go to dates, clubs, events and i just had the worst time of my life as i acted ridiculous once again.

is this what it felt like to get your heart shattered completely? is what i thought when he muttered the words "break up". yeah no wonder i cried myself to sleep every night and nobody wanted me near them, i had been torn apart like it was the easiest thing to do. i looked out the window from the taxi cab and remembered the day he took me home from the club because i was too drunk. he looked at me with that smile of his and i just knew, everything was gonna be alright. back then... maybe not so much now.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different it hits different this time

i laid in my bed staring at the ceiling as i thought about us. incoming calls were going and then disappearing from my phone. i didn't have the strength to talk to anyone as i processed what just happened between us. the space that he occupied felt so cold suddenly. i knew people wanted to cheer me up, saying he was just like every other guy and i deserved better. i truly wanted to think that too but seungmin wasn't like anyone i have ever met before. he was so kind hearted and so love driven that it pained me to believe that we got to this point.

i had to hold on to remembering the good times because there wouldn't be any new memories to write about. there would be no cooking together, hugging at the airport or spending late nights with the boys as we laughed at the smallest of things. there would just be an emptiness that i would have to fill with something so i could move on from this hell. the hell being the constant repeat of love and kindness he offered me and i had to throw away because maybe i just don't deserve to be loved.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

how many times will i have to go through this again? break ups aren't easy. this one in particular left me with the worst bitter taste in my mouth as i looked back at photographs hanging around my apartment. it crushed my soul and spirit knowing that i would never see him smile that wide again. that my last memory of mingi is gonna be this heated and stupid fight, that started over a small detail but finished with a loud bang in my heart as he broke up with me and left the apartment.

packing his things was the most difficult part yet. i had to send them to the dorm and hope i did not forget anything because facing him again would actually kill me on sight. so i packed the sweaters that i used so much, the old headphones i gifted to him and the small promise ring he bought for our anniversary. it was a petty thing to do but i felt like he deserved to have it, it was his money and his promise after all. receiving will probably be a punch in the face but i didn't care, he deserved to know how i felt too.

i find the artifacts, cried over a hat cursed the space that i needed i trace the evidence, make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding?

in my mind it all made more sense. i knew it wasn't easy to break up with someone, so he found an excuse to do so and because he was too kind to let me down, he chose his words carefully and just decided to finish it. it wasn't the coldest of breakups, but it was the one that made the least sense. why would hyunjin tell me that he loved me so much to then break up with me in the weirdest way possible. i just wanted an explanation and not to be greeted by his voicemail once again.

i wanted to get rid of his stuff so bad but i couldn't find the force to send it all to him or burn it like they did in movies. it was embarrassing how much i was holding on to nothing, how much i wanted for him to come back and tell me it was just a cruel and mean spirited joke. i would forgive him right away, i think that's the most pathetic part about me. even if he hurts me over & over again, i would still be looking for the answers and hoping he would return home.

you were the one that I loved don't need another metaphor, it's simple enough a wrinkle in time like the crease by your eyes this is why they shouldn't kill off the main guy

it was easy to say that you loved someone. for example, i loved jongho, he made my days better, made me weak to the knees when i saw him, made me wish i was up to his standards every day. it looked like he wished his standards were higher as well because he left me. okay this is my drunk brain speaking but it just didn't make any fucking sense how you are loved one day, ditched the other and then you see your ex with someone else not too long after that. i just wanted it all to be a nightmare.

i wanted to curse, to scream, to leave it all unsaid. i chose to be silent and observe, writing him letters i will never send and hoping the future treats me in a kinder way. i was never one to confront the situation and make it known that i deserved better, i just knew that i did. it just wasn't easy to watch it all unwind so fast when i had barely even moved on. maybe jongho just wasn't meant for me to love, for me to have and for me to cherish. maybe he really wasn't that great after all and just maybe... he would be happier without me

dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief in the good in the world, you once believed in me and i felt you and I held you for a while bet i could still melt your world argumentative, antithetical, dream girl

it was so stupid to still think of him. i laughed to myself as i looked around an empty apartment, i was finally leaving it after all this time. he wanted me to stay because he had the dorms anyways but i couldn't do it, not even for us. it was just too painful to be greeted by the memories chan and i made every single day. i was still gonna be alone but i would be in better company than i was here, that's for sure. i looked around and it felt like a dream, it used to be my dream home at one point.

suddenly again i was still seeing the boxes with our stuff on it, we didn't have a couch or a tv for such a long time. we didn't care though, we could talk all day about anything and we were just fine with that. cuddling on the floor with a blanket and falling asleep like that. it would sound dreadful to anyone but i think for me, it was the best experience i could ask for in a relationship. just the way he held me and made me feel alive every day, i was hoping i could carry the good out of this.

i heard your key turn in the door down the hallway is that your key in the door? is it okay? Is it you? or have they come to take me away?

i was definitely hallucinating as i heard a key jingling at the door. then i realized that i had a new neighbor and i was just being insane like always. there wasn't a day that passed that i didn't wish yeosang would come back. it felt like an eternity since he left and it felt even worse knowing that he was probably having the time of his life without me while i suffered here like an idiot. i knew it was crazy behavior to lock yourself up in your apartment and think that you can do this on your own.

i couldn't do it even if i tried to. i kept thinking about him and i when we first met, the shyness that i fell so hard for turning into something else. i could not place my finger around it but it was like my sangie just disappeared and was nowhere to be found. he truly was mesmerizing to look at, maybe it got too much to his head? or maybe i just simply wasn't enough for him. it hurt to know that you gave it all for a relationship that for a few months had been one sided all along and it kept going on until it exploded yet you still hope for him to come back.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different It hits different this time

i said "no" so many times at this point, i was getting repetitive. it felt like i was living in a hallucination, a reality i never once wished for or never saw coming in the first place. maybe i was being dramatic but jeongin was the light that i was always looking for. so bright and so cheerful, it made me want to cry as i thought of him stupid smile. the way he couldn't talk around me because he got nervous but he still made the effort to ask me out, it was cute back then but now it just broke my heart.

the fact that i could not forget at all the way i hurt him and the way he hurt me. my friends said that it was stupid for us to break up and his friends insisted that we should talk, neither of us made a move. then it moved to "well you're better off without them" phase and i think both of us truly believed it. we saw each other again at the club and it looked like none of us had slept in forever but we kept our pride up and did not say a single word to one another. the fact that it could have been a second try, kills me every night.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

there was no way wooyoung was gonna get out of my mind. every day i tried, date after date, drink after drink and thrill after thrill. nothing seemed to work, all my methods for break ups were not working and i was losing my mind. it's like he was right there all along, mocking me like he used to but not in a cute way. he knew i could not do it without him and he was right, i hated him so much for being right when he said the words "good luck without me!".

crystal tears dropping to my glass as i reminisce of what could have been a great love. i just wanted the best for us and of course i had to say the words ”break up” for him to take seriously. he always had an attitude and dealt with things in the moment or he didn't want to deal with them at all. i couldn't handle him yet i wanted him so bad and he was the only i wanted all along. i just felt stuck in a place where i didn't belong and that was me without him, hoping he would think of me and give me a call someday.

(oh my, love is a lie) (shit my friends say to get me by) ('cause it's you)

i was done playing games, i was running in the rain. i knew it wasn't the most sane behavior i ever showed but i could not be stopped. all the memories came flowing back and i just needed to get them out of the way. i needed to move as fast before it was too late. i was invaded by guilt as i thought of doing this when he had already moved on but i needed to think of the good chances first and then of what i would do if all the opportunities for us to get back were gone.

i stood there in front of the door that i knew so much. knocked on it so many times, been received by every boy who lives there yet there was only one in my mind as i knocked again. i knew this was the time where he got home. so i waited and waited in the dreadful silence outside while i heard some mumbling words on the inside. hoping to see him brought effect as i was greeted by him looking better than ever and me soaked from the cold pouring rain.

"(y/n)?" jisung said and I could only smile.

oh how much i missed you.

(catastrophic blues) (moving on was always easy for me to do) it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

sitting down for a chat wasn't easy. especially not with your ex boyfriend but i had to give it one last try as i looked at him while he tried to look anywhere else but me. the quiet was going to actually kill me but i stayed strong as i had said everything i wanted to say and was honest with my feelings like i was taught to. i never moved on, i could never do that when seonghwa was my first real relationship.

"why did it take you so long?" he asked.

"because... i wasn't sure how you would feel about me being back in your life."

that's what i said and it was like he was analyzing every word as he grabbed my hands and sighed. i was expecting the worst of the worst, to have traveled so far for nothing, to have to come back "home" with a broken heart yet...

"it's all i ever wanted."

[wishheroes]

IVE SWITCH MINI REVIEW 🪷

hello everyone! today i will be reviewing ive's latest ep "ive switch" ! this will be a relatively short review and i won't go into details for every song, but i will share my opinions on them. hope you enjoy!

HEYA

the moment i heard the teaser on my twitter timeline i knew this was going to be a great song. i absolutely loved the concept and the samples really stood out to me in a good way. and sure enough, when the actual song dropped i absolutely loved it. the samples work so well in the song and this is one of my favourite ive title tracks and releases of all time. i think everything here just works together very nicely, and the song is fun to listen to.

Accendio

if you saw my weekly round-up you would know i loved this song. the decision to have double title tracks for this ep was fantastic, because these 2 songs are both perfect fits for an ive title track. i feel like ive kind of have two sides, the dreamy sounding songs, as well as the kind of louder songs (ex. love dive, eleven) and in this case i feel like they really switched between these 2 sides in these 2 title tracks. heya being the slightly louder song, and accendio being on the dreamy side. accendio is really great, the sound of the song is very relaxing in a way, and the concept of the song and the music video is really cool and unique. overall i absolutely loved this song just as i loved heya, and i can definitely say this is also one of my favourite ive releases of all time.

Blue Heart

i do enjoy the simple fast beat on this song. but i'm not sure if i enjoyed the song. i liked it until the chorus, i enjoyed the vocals and thought it sounded kind of dreamy and cute. but i'm not a fan of autotune-y sounding choruses, no matter who does it and how it's done. so this completely threw me off unfortunately. i do understand that this was intentional to add to the vibe of the song, but i personally didn't enjoy it. although the bridge of the song was really beautiful.

Ice Queen

now this!! is a GOOD song. the instrumental is so well done and the vocals match the song perfectly. i wasn't a fan of the chorus at first but at second listen i came to like it. you know when a song is so good you're kind of left speechless and can't even describe what you like about it? this is one of those songs. the woo-hoo woo-hoo parts reminded me of hands up by nct wish, which is kind of funny because of how different the songs are. anyway, this is an outstanding song. i didn't expect to enjoy it so much.

WOW

this is one of those songs that i do enjoy, i think its cute, but wouldn't really add to my playlist. it's not interesting enough for me to actually listen it on a daily basis. but it's a solid song, and i don't really have anything negative to say about it. it's cute, but that's kind of it.

RESET

hmm. this song is interesting. i definitely understand what they were going for, but i'm not sure what to think of it. i definitely enjoy it more than wow, but the song itself is extremely empty. but i kind of like that. although when i heard the intro i hoped it would go more into a kind of stronger summer uk-garage or summer-y deep house type of sound and i was ready to add it into my summer playlist but unfortunately it does just continue the empty sound throughout the whole song. i do understand that's just the genre of the song, but i wish it was a bit stronger in the chorus. but either way, i enjoyed the song! need to relisten some more to decide if it's going in the playlist or not.

that would conclude today's album review! special thanks to @dive-ingboard for the request, i strongly enjoyed reviewing this mini!

[walkawaytall]

2, 3, 16 from the year in review asks?

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!)

So, I have posted 30 (though one is still a WIP), and I have two WIPs that will definitely be posted at some point because they are for fan events and one WIP that I really, really want to finish but I have no idea when that’ll happen. And then I have just some…random things I’ve jotted down that I honestly am not entirely sure will form an entire story at this point? Like, I don’t hate them, but I’m not terribly convinced they’ll end up being anything other than cliches, so I don’t know if they’ll see the light of day. Factoring those in, I suppose around 35 or 40 total fics for the whole year?

3 and 16 were answered here!

Buuuut, since 16 is about music and I mentioned that Han/Leia playlist I threw together, I thought I’d include the track list here (I don’t really use Spotify? So I haven’t set up a playlist there.). Fair warning: I like a lot of bummer music and a lot of these choices were made with the intent to touch on their individual issues/angst as well as the angst in their relationship pre-TESB (but not all of it! Toward the end of the list, things get happy. It’s supposed to be loosely chronological.)

(Also, there is more than one Taylor Swift song on here — there are even two in a row because of my whole trying to make things loosely chronological. I’m sorry, non-Swifies; her music catalogue is huge and some things just work, okay?)

Mars - Sleeping At Last

I Wish I Felt Nothing - The Wallflowers

Vulnerable - Sarah Jaffe

Stubborn Love - The Lumineers

Skinny Love - Bon Iver

when the party’s over - Billie Eilish

I Can See You - Taylor Swift

Cosmic Love - Florence + the Machine

Say Something - A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera

Little Lion Man - Mumford and Sons

Haunted - Taylor Swift

Love Love Love - Of Monsters and Men

White Blank Page - Mumford and Sons

Hello My Old Heart - The Oh Hellos

this is me trying - Taylor Swift (this song has just become linked to Han in my head at this point tbh)

Say Don’t Go - Taylor Swift

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

Flee or Fight - Matrimony

The Temptation of Adam - Josh Ritter (okay, this one is gonna seem weird because it is a straight-up narrative, but it has very strong Trip to Bespin vibes and I stand by the choice)

Slow Your Breath Down - Future of Forestry

Fire and the Flood - Vance Joy

Next to Me - Emeli Sandé

Thank you for the questions!

2023 year in review fic writer asks

[pentagonieslut]

Obstacle

song title series number two !!

song: Obstacle - KARRA

mv at the bottom of the drabble

readerxlune, gn!reader x lune, jung sungmin, lune, dkb, obstacle, heartbroken!reader, shittybf!lune, asshole!lune, emotional!reader

“you’re an obstacle i got to climb.”

lune is shitty and you let it slide. but when you end it to keep your sanity and he comes crawling back? what happens? stream obstacle by karra.

"going through the motions, don't wanna pretend i'm alright." you had said as your friends nodded in response and rubbed your arms in comfort. you had ended it with lune after he thought it'd be fun to cheat right then and there at the party.

he even gave you a nasty look and told you to go away. and all those years you had spent together. asshole.

your friends had encouragingly forced you out the house to cheer up and dance the night away to feel better. even you, the person who had the hottest body out of your friend group felt horrible and ugly in the outfit they had chosen despite it being the top ten in sexy from your closet. "i don't wanna do this tonight." you had said softly as mira shook her head and pushed you inside the club.

to be honest you were enjoying it a bit. you had let loose a bit and even had a few drinks bought for you.

..okay too much fun.

your eyes were puffy from all the crying you did again and the late night. with the hoodie over your head, you made your way to the convenience store and grabbed a basket, going through the aisles slowly, picking up this and that for you to eat and continue your lonely breakup playlist party. "why are you hiding behind the hoodie?" lune had asked as you blinked a bit and noticed the tall male in front of you. "i feel better about my appearance. why are you here, sungmin?" you asked as you went around him and grabbed several bowls of ramen. "to talk and make up." "i'm dumb enough to pretend the first time and i'll believe it over and over again. that you love only me and were 'doing it for a dare with the guys'-- bullshit." you spat as your grabbed a couple of hotdog (called sausage sticks in Korea) sticks and threw them in your increasingly heavy basket.

“no i wasn’t going to use that excuse baby. i promise. i was going to explain and be honest.” lune said quickly as he stepped in front of you. “you’re just an obstacle i got to climb if i don’t crawl to go to the other side.” you spoke as you went around and continued getting the rest of your stuff, checking out and making your way back to your memoria shithole apartment. his stuff is still there.

“baby. what happened that night was just drunk dumb fucks who mistook the other for their lover. honest.” you cackled and raised a brow, looking at sungmin in amusement. he really thinks you’re a dumb bitch. “that’s not what last summer says.” “last summer days me getting her to leave you alone!”

lune had followed you back to the apartment and stood in front of the door. you were becoming annoyed at him and rolling your eyes. “you’re impossible. i know what i have is the truth because i’m the one who took the photos.” lune was shocked but quickly recovered.

he wasn’t expecting the bombshell of how it got leaked. he also was mentally shitting himself for taking you for granted. not even his pretty face could get you this time. but it wasn’t going to get him to stop. he was determined to get you back and get more poker chips when he went gambling.

“sungmin. move away from the door.” he stood firm and you growled. “get out of my way.” “no. not until you listen and take me back.” “that’s never happening ever again. now get out of my way bitch.” you screamed as lune sighed and walked away.

eight doors opened immediately and the boys poked their heads out. “what happened? are you okay?” they chorused unintentionally, causing you to wipe your tears and laugh in the fast bear group hug. “he’s just an obstacle.”

[brainrattlers]

Play It Cool - Tyson Jost (34/n)

Pairing: Tyson Jost x OFC (AJ)

Word Count: 6274 (I went a little overboard)

Warnings: Language. There’s adult naughtiness, so if you’re under 18, get outta here. It’s not graphic but still... get out. Holiday fluff too.

Need to start from the beginning? Check out Chapter 1 at https://at.tumblr.com/brainrattlers/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-1n/p7no8u1hzuza

Just need to catch up on last chapter? Chapter 33 is at https://at.tumblr.com/brainrattlers/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-33n/roh2we9w75t3

Author’s Notes: I am reposting this because I'm getting the feeling my tags aren't working right. Testing something out. :)

Happy Holidays, readers! I’m hoping you’re having a festive season full of friends, family, food, and fun. Things got away from me, and then the weather that hit last week threw a wrench in the works for a LOT of people, myself included. Ended up having to rewrite things, and then I got stuck. That’s the hard part about writing sometimes... you have to come up with the ideas! I hope I did this justice, especially since I took a couple extra days.

Anyway, Tyson’s on the road, AJ’s in Minneapolis packing, and there’s a storm heading toward Buffalo. Tyson wants to bring AJ home for Christmas, but there are a lot of “what ifs” looming.

After a few hours of packing, AJ’s stomach alerted her to it being well past lunch time. 

As if on autopilot, she grabbed her keys, and headed to the garage to retrieve her Soul and hit the road. Truth be told, she missed her car after driving Tyson’s so much the past few weeks. Hitting 94, she headed to St. Paul, craving Cossetta. Traffic was rough on Seventh, reminding her of the fact the Wild were playing that night, just two blocks down the road. Opting to take her dinner with her, she headed back to the apartment wanting to get as far from the Xcel Energy Center as she could.

It wasn’t that she was mad at the team, or the arena… There was still frustration with the management and coaching staff there, getting under her skin. She didn’t know why it was still bothering her when clearly Tyson was carving out a new home in Buffalo, now on the third line consistently. AJ really did need to learn to get better, not bitter. Minnesota was just a stepping stone onto bigger and better things, for the both of them.

Sitting on the sofa next to Maple, AJ looked at the clock on her phone. Tyson was in Arizona, and likely would be at practice, but it didn’t stop her from sending a quick photo and message.

AJ: Maple was a good messenger. I miss you too! We’re just chilling on the sofa at the moment, having some late lunch. &lt;;1 attachment>

Putting on some music in the background, AJ got back to work. Tyson’s musical influences were creeping into her Spotify mixes, realizing that a few of his playlist songs were showing up in her Chill and Electronic pre-made playlists. Some of those very songs graced the speakers in this very apartment while cooking dinner together, low-key afternoons that Tyson read while AJ crocheted, and some intense late nights spent connecting on multiple levels. 

Just like packing up life in Denver, memories came rushing back, even though their time there was short. While working on packing but really more reminiscing, the music was interrupted with a notification of a text message. Grabbing her phone, AJ smiled, but then frowned reading the words that popped up on the screen.

Tyson: I’m so glad Maple was able to relay the message. I told him to write it down because I’m pretty sure he would have forgotten otherwise. Skate went well. Change in plans though - don’t think Mom is going to make it to Minny to help. How’s it going? 

AJ looked around and sighed, knowing an extra set of hands would be a huge help. In her heart though, she knew though this was the least she could do right now considering she still didn’t have steady work in Buffalo and Tyson was footing the bill on things. Granted, he IS the one with a $2M contract currently. But with Laura not there to help, it was definitely concerning AJ whether she could pull this off as the movers would be there soon, and how it would affect Christmas plans that she was working with her on to surprise Tyson.

Either way though, AJ was going to have to make this work.

AJ: I’ve got a ways to go in that case, but doing what I can. Maple’s just sitting on the sofa though not helping. Everything okay?

Tyson: I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention to the weather but they’re starting to say that Buffalo is going to get hit hard with snow, but don’t know how much yet. Can I call you when we get back to the hotel? It’s a lot to text.

AJ: Of course. Love you, talk soon.

Tyson: You’re the best, love.

Shortly after, Tyson facetimed AJ better explaining the situation. He was worried about her traveling too - if she left too late, she might get stranded traveling back to Buffalo. Taking a minute to film the apartment situation, she told him it would be close to getting it done before the movers arrived, and making sure she left early enough without Laura’s help.

The silver lining in this situation is that literally she just needed to pack up and clean a bit - and AJ was staying at the apartment so it wasn’t like she needed to drive back and forth to a hotel each day. Late nights, early mornings, it didn’t matter other than the last night. Once boxes were packed, she could grab the most important ones and stash them in her car and hit the road.

The two closed out the call pretty quick, knowing the time crunch.

AJ ended up chatting a bit with Laura that evening too, confirming the news from Tyson about not coming in. The two were trying to figure out what this would mean for the Christmas surprise the two were plotting and scheming to make happen - unfortunately it was a “hurry up and wait” situation not knowing what the weather truly would bring. The two promised to keep in touch to figure out if plans were changing. Both were optimistically hopeful, but knew the reality might not be that picture-perfect.

Tyson was still worried, constantly checking for weather updates. It didn’t seem to show during the game in Arizona though, with him scoring an empty-net goal to help the Sabres beat the Coyotes 5-2. Directly after the game, the team traveled to Vegas.

AJ: Not staying at the Wynn Encore, I’m assuming?

Tyson: Ha ha ha babe. You’re lucky you’re beautiful, smart, kind, and laugh at my jokes.

Working until nearly 2am and the exhaustion hit, AJ gave up on packing for the night. While the mattress felt familiar, the lack of all the extra pillows (there were two left behind from the initial round of packing) and the lack of Tyson left it feeling empty and cold. Soon enough though she’d be back in Buffalo with him, curled up in their giant hotel room bed. And hopefully shortly after that, they’d be moving into a more permanent residence.

After a few hours of sleep, AJ found herself up again, working on putting everything into organized boxes, labeled with what room the box would belong in, or at least if it was Tyson’s stuff, or her own. A few hours later was a good morning text from Tyson, saying the forecast was about the same at that point, but he was still nervous. AJ showed off the progress she’d made, clearing out two rooms already, leaving just a couple left. 

AJ also vowed to herself she would have to get rid of some of her stuff at some point, especially if moving around was going to be a fairly consistent thing. She certainly hoped it wouldn’t be that way - while Buffalo may not have been her first choice, she’d rather stay there at least a few more years before being potentially sent somewhere else. 

Not wanting to interrupt her more than he had to, Tyson recorded a short video and sent it to AJ while she continued on the mission. He sent it from the dressing room before the game started. It pinged her phone as she was stopping for a bit to get some dinner.

Opening the clip, AJ saw her man smiling, definitely taking his time to choose his words.

“Hey Eggo, you are such a trooper putting up with everything, me being me, moving, moving again. I’ve never once heard you really complain. And you doing what you’re doing right now? It made me realize that if the situation were slightly different, I wish you were here in Vegas because I’d take you to the place with Elvis and I swear I’d marry you right now. In the meantime, all I can do is promise I will make it up to you. You’re everything to me, AJ… I love you so much.”

His eyes were glassy, and AJ caught him at one point smiling, laughing, and wiping his eye. Tyson was becoming more and more open showing his feelings to her. She watched the video a couple more times, watching how the smile on his face got bigger when he talked about getting married. 

For AJ, marriage wasn’t a necessity, she knew they were committed to each other. And to be fair, she wasn’t opposed to it either. But for Tyson and his old soul, there was something special, something extremely intimate and romantic about getting to say the vows, and signing on the lines of the license, even if the minister was an Elvis impersonator.

AJ: I can’t wait to see you in a couple days. Feels empty without you here. Got another room finished, only have the kitchen and the guest room/office left. If I were there, I’d gladly take you up on the offer to become Mrs. Jost officially. Your mom would kill us both for that though, pretty sure she wants to be at the wedding lol

With the game on in the background, AJ packed as much as she could, trying to not get sucked into the game too much. Close game though, with a 3-2 win over the Golden Knights. Quiet night from Tyson, but not from lack of trying. 

Tyson: Getting ready to fly back. Weather is looking worse for Friday. Hearing that they’re contemplating postponing the game. Should know more soon. If you can leave sometime tomorrow, I think that’d be for the best.

Looking around the room, AJ could probably pull it off although the boxes wouldn’t be as organized as originally intended. That could easily be dealt with later. With the news though, she called it a night, and got up early the next morning to finish tackling the remainder.

With a handful of boxes in her own car, and the VIB buckled in the front seat (Maple IS a very important bear!), AJ was on her way back to Buffalo. On her way to Indiana, a phone call was made between Laura and herself, unfortunately calling off the Christmas surprise, which was not only Laura coming out to visit Tyson in Buffalo, but also getting Kacey and the grandparents out there as well - AJ and Laura were going to pay for the tickets to surprise Tyson. Unfortunately this left AJ with NO gifts purchased for Tyson, causing her great anxiety. She tried to tell herself it would be okay if it were late, especially considering the fact she’s now on her way back to Buffalo, where it sounded like the weather was going to be awful, no doubt.

Stopping in Indiana for the night, she checked into her hotel, and checked in with Tyson.

“Game is postponed Friday, for sure. So I talked to Mom though, and… since it’s an extra day, what do you think about heading to Edmonton for a quick Christmas trip? I can get tickets to fly out directly after practice on Thursday morning.”

As tired as she was, AJ still fought to keep the really frustrated heavy sigh from being heard over the phone. She really understood, he hadn’t seen his family all together since their trip over the summer. BUT - He didn’t know that her Christmas surprise was now canceled, and that she didn’t have a backup. Tyson didn’t see all the boxes in the living room ready for the movers to pick everything up. Tyson wasn’t the one driving through crappy weather heading back to Buffalo.

What he did know, however, is that when AJ gets quiet, something is amiss. The lack of response was a dead giveaway.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

The frustrated sigh couldn’t be held back, nor was the exhaustion fueled feelings.

“No. No I’m not. I’m just…” AJ trailed off, fearing what might come out of her mouth with her filter seemingly broken.

Tyson stayed quiet, letting her figure out her words to let him know what she’s feeling.

Another sigh happened, but he knew this was the one that always came when she was nervous to say what she was about to say.

“I… I’m just tired, Tys. Physically and emotionally. I was expecting some help with getting the old place sorted, and I know that isn’t anyone’s fault that the weather kept your mom from coming down. But I’m tired from that, I’m tired from driving all day in awful weather. On top of that (sigh) I had this big grand plan for a surprise for you for Christmas, but it completely fell through and I don’t even have a gift for you now. You’re a hard man to shop for, you know that?” AJ was chuckling to keep from crying at this point.

Yep. AJ was truly exhausted.

“Aww babe, I’m… I’m really sorry this is happening, if I had the power to change the weather, you know I would,” Tyson thought for a moment and calmly responded, “Would it be better if we just skipped going home?” 

“That’s not fair to you. My gift to you was getting your family all to Buffalo for the holiday, but… this is still a way for you to see them all. I mean worst case, you can always go without me.”

That last bit stung. Tyson was sure that she didn’t mean it to hurt, but it did.

“It didn’t occur to me what all you’ve been up to the past few days especially without the help you were expecting. I forgot what kind of mess I left the apartment in. You are a fucking ROCKSTAR for putting up with all this and taking care of everything. That right there is more than enough of a Christmas present. But if I had my say, wherever you are for Christmas, I want to be there too. I’m not leaving you alone in a new city, in shitty weather, especially on Christmas.”

AJ was quiet, taking it all in. The silence hung, but Tyson wasn’t about to step in and say anything else until she did, and he was willing to wait however long it was. She was still processing everything in her sleep-deprived mind. Something finally clicked and she realized she was doing the thing again - overreacting and going worst case scenario without considering that it might not be that bad. And Tyson wasn’t going to hold it against her either, realizing he kind of sprung this on her last second as well.

“How about I get some sleep, and I do my best to get back tomorrow in decent time. I want to be with you for Christmas too. I just can’t promise I’m going to be the best company for a day or two as I recharge my batteries.”

Tyson chuckled and sighed, “One step at a time, and that first one is getting you back here. Text me before you leave in the morning, and check in when you can? We’ll figure it out from there, sound good?”

AJ agreed to the plan. She wasn’t sure what the next few days would hold, but was going to roll with it the best she could. And Tyson was going to make sure it was as easy on her as possible, realizing how much she deserved some time off.

After what felt like a few hours of sleep, Maple and AJ were on the road again, driving along Lake Erie heading toward New York, seeing the sights she had seen weeks prior driving the Grand Cherokee up. A few texts were shared before Tyson was on his way to practice, figuring he’d be getting home shortly before she would be. The estimates were right, as AJ texted one more time as she was getting parked.

AJ: Get the luggage cart and help me unload… Maple is cranky and needs a nap. *Maple is me.

With the Soul unloaded, and the handful of bins and large bear brought inside, all AJ could do was hug Tyson, grab a quick kiss, and crawl into bed for a couple of hours. But not wanting her to sleep all afternoon and then not be able to that night, Tyson woke her up before dinner. While he really wanted to take her out for a nice dinner, he also knew that she wasn’t going to feel like getting dressed up. 

Instead he opted to order in some Chinese from a place one of his teammates recommended. As AJ came out of the bedroom, she was greeted by a smiling Tyson who put the Christmas lights on again, and set the table buffet style, complete with an order of General Tso’s for her, Beef and Broccoli for him, veggie fried rice, some egg rolls and an order of crab rangoon to share. Full plates in hand, the two found themselves on the sofa. Eating in silence, they watched an episode of Yellowstone. The second episode found them curled up with each other under a large thick fleece blanket, with AJ fading fast. 

Clicking the off button on the TV, Tyson urged AJ to take out her contacts and come to bed. It didn’t take much to twist her arm.

Letting AJ sleep in, Tyson quietly slipped out in the morning after already packing his suitcase. Little did she know, but he also set an alarm on her phone for 8:30 so she could get up in time to get breakfast downstairs, and get packed. Little did he know, she was planning on getting up at 8 to get breakfast downstairs, get packed, and still try to find a gift before leaving for the airport when Tyson was back from practice.

Thankfully, inspiration struck while she was eating breakfast in the hotel lobby. Throwing on a hoodie and grabbing her keys, AJ made a quick stop at a place she knew that would sell what she was looking for. After spending a few minutes, she picked out which one she hoped he would like. And getting back to the hotel, she quickly packed her bag, stashing the purchased item between a layer of clothing - wrapping would have to be done when they arrived. With a bit of extra time before Tyson’s inevitable return, a visit to the gym happened, followed by a shower to relax herself before popping the Dramamine she’d need to survive flying and not being a nauseated mess.

The door lock clicked, alerting AJ to the arrival of Tyson. Seeing her backpack next to his suitcase, he knew she was coming with… which was good because he had already bought her ticket.

Opting to get a ride to the airport, rather than leaving one of their vehicles there, the two arrived with plenty of time before their flight. This was a smart move, everyone was freaking out with the storm coming in the next day and trying to get to their holiday destinations. AJ fell asleep on Tyson’s shoulder at the gate waiting for boarding, the motion sickness meds clearly doing their thing. When it was time to get on the plane, it took a bit of work, but he did get her awake and coherent enough to get seated. She was back out as soon as her seatbelt clicked. Tyson’s hands would be safe from the death grip of AJ’s at least this part of the trip

The flights to Edmonton were Buffalo to Chicago to Calgary to Edmonton, with that little extra bit of going through customs. With the time zone changes, the two were greeted by Laura at the airport just in time for a late dinner. 

At home, Kacey and a couple cousins were already waiting, decorating the tree. Tyson insisted AJ have a seat on the sofa as he took their bags upstairs to his room. AJ took in the environment, remembering a few of the cousins from their trip up earlier in the year. Laura let AJ know there was pizza in the kitchen, if they were hungry. Tyson appeared again, and grabbed some ornaments to help finish the tree, excited for his favorite holiday with his family. With the tree finished, and a few pieces of pizza devoured, it was actually Tyson who threw in the towel first, admitting he was pretty tired with it feeling two hours later AND a day of travel. AJ was in agreement though, wishing everyone a good night as they headed upstairs.

This time around, it wasn’t Tyson trying to be sneaky and start something, he was legitimately tired. And if he were this tired, he knew that AJ was probably twice as. The two took turns in the bathroom, and cleared the bed of their bags while getting changed into pajamas. And just like last time, it was a tight fit with the two of them in the full-sized (much smaller) bed. But unlike last time, AJ felt a lot more at home and fell asleep quickly in Tyson’s arms.

The next morning, the Jost clan had breakfast, and talked about plans for the coming days. It’d be a short trip, considering Tyson had to be back in time to travel to Columbus for the game on the 27th. Updates from Buffalo though were starting to come in, and while it wasn’t bad yet, the forecast was grim. It was very up in the air what plans were, but as of right now, they had a red-eye to get back early on the 26th. But in the meantime, the plan was to have dinner at the Grandparents Jost’s home on Christmas Eve, and then everyone back at Laura’s for Christmas day. 

Tyson thought it’d be fun to go into the city and test out how much AJ’d been practicing skating. Truth be told, she was getting a little better, able to stop, and take corners awkwardly. (Don’t tell Tyson but she actually got some lessons from a couple of the guys back in Minnesota.) He was so proud that she didn’t even fall down once, although she still looked like a baby deer at times. After skating, they decided to hit up a mall to wander around to kill time. The crowds of people were ridiculous doing their last minute shopping. This did make for some good people watching though. Dinner was catching up with some old family friends of the Josts.

Suddenly, AJ’s phone buzzed in her pocket. Checking her watch, a rather unexpected text was in her inbox.

Tyson:  Hey baby girl, what are you doing after dinner? (winking emoji)

AJ looked over at him, quirking her eyebrow up. She knew what he was doing. 

A few minutes later, Tyson felt the vibration of his watch against his wrist.

AJ: Sleeping? (evil imp emoji)

The texts were spaced out so it wasn’t obvious they were texting each other back and forth, and were doing their best to not be rude to the others they were dining with.

Tyson: I was thinking maybe something that might put us on Santa’s naughty list.

AJ: Is that so? Someone hoping to get lucky in his childhood bedroom?

Tyson leaned back in the booth, putting his arm around AJ, whispering in her ear.

“I want to do all the things that make you scream… but you have to stay quiet or else everyone in the house will know, baby girl.” He smiled as he rejoined the conversation.

A shiver ran down AJ’s spine and her breath stuttered a bit at his words hitting her squarely where he hoped they would. In retaliation, Tyson found AJ’s hand very high up on his thigh under the table, just enough to tease but not actually cause any friction.

The car ride home was thick with tension because they didn’t want to seem any out of the ordinary, that Tyson had been riling up AJ all evening.

Once home though, AJ apologized and went to bed early, citing that she thought a migraine was coming on. Tyson, being the gentleman he is, told everyone he was going to go check on her and excused himself as well. As the two were safely in Tyson’s room, AJ pinned him down in bed, seeing just how far she could get with him before he started getting too loud. It took a lot of effort to not give loud audio cues as to how she was doing. She ended up kissing him deeply, as he moaned and whimpered into her mouth.

Don’t think for a minute though that Tyson let her get fully away with it either. Clearly with the strength advantage, he turned the tables and was working the spot just above her collarbones and riling her up. The major difference though was that as quiet as AJ had been, what he was doing with his fingers that night drove her over the edge, and his other hand had to be put over her mouth to keep her from letting the rest of the house know what they were up to, especially considering she was “worried about having a migraine.”

Getting up from the bed, Tyson grabbed a small, shiny packet from his bag, and stopped to think a minute.

“Babe, get up.”

AJ was still in a heightened state of bliss and ignored the request.

“Seriously, I need you to get up a second.”

Looking toward Tyson at the foot of the bed, he motioned for her to get up. Once she was, he pulled the bed slightly away from the wall, knowing that what he was wanting to do might cause the headboard to rattle against the wall. That would be a dead giveaway.

Content with the distance the headboard was from the wall, a smirk graced Tyson’s lips.

“Now, where were we?” Tyson watched AJ crawl back into bed. “I think we were right about here…” 

Tyson moved slow, knowing that AJ would be able to stay quiet only momentarily as the movements were exaggerated, creating a tease. He reminded her with a finger to his lips to stay quiet. When the whines, moans and whimpers from her were beginning to increase in volume, he moved with more intent, swallowing the noises coming from her mouth with his own. She had to grip into the pillows behind her in fear of getting caught from the noises that would come from Tyson as she would have raked her nails down his back.

The feeling of her fighting it, holding back underneath him was too much, leaving his body shuddering as he let go. Tyson reached between their bodies, using his fingers the best he could at the awkward angle to get her there too. Trying to stay quiet, she scrunched her eyes shut tight, and tried to keep the noise to a higher-pitched hum as she rode it out.

Collapsing against her, Tyson rested his head against AJ’s chest, listening to her heartbeat slow. AJ snaked an arm around him, lightly playing with the hair on the back of his head, feeling him calm as well. After a few minutes, an exhausted sigh escaped Tyson, realizing he needed to get cleaned up. Throwing on a pair of shorts, he first made a stop to the bathroom, and then snuck off to the kitchen to grab some water for the two of them. It had to look odd coming downstairs shirtless to the remaining family members still hanging out in the living room.

“Just grabbing some water so AJ can take her migraine meds.”

Tyson didn’t realize just how sweaty he was, so… yeah. It was probably pretty obvious.

“Mmhmm, g’night Tyson.” Kacey just grinned.

Back in his room, locking the door, AJ was curled up in bed wearing Tyson’s shirt. It was a sight he never grew tired of. After sharing the glass of water, Tyson played the big spoon. The little spoon could feel the big spoon around her giggling. Twisting around, she needed to find out what was going on. The grin on Tyson’s face was huge.

“That was the first time I’ve ever done that in this room. Glad it was with you.”

“Really Tys? You’ve never before in here? I mean I don’t want to hear about your sex life before me, because I just don’t, but… seriously?”

“Hockey always came first, and I wasn’t the babe magnet I am now. What can I say?”

AJ rolled her eyes and smiled. “Well I’m glad I was the first in that case.” 

The two kissed a few moments, until AJ resituated herself as the little spoon. The two drifted off quickly in the warmth of the blankets and each other.

Christmas Eve morning, Tyson came back from his shower wearing a horrible (or awesome) sweater covered in little gifts in various colors. AJ had never seen it before, but it screamed Tyson. Dressed and good to go, the family went to Grandma Emily and Grandpa Jim’s to spend the day playing games and getting caught up on the adventures Tyson and AJ had been up to since they last talked. 

AJ’s phone had been incessantly buzzing and had been ignoring it. But it finally got to a point where she had to check what was going on. A number of friends and family were wanting to make sure she was okay… because Buffalo had been hit hard with the weather. Extreme winds and snow caused massive power outages across the city. Tyson was getting similar updates, and he was never more happy than he was right then that she came with him to Edmonton. The news and video clips just kept getting worse and worse.

“So, what happens if you can’t get back to Buffalo?” AJ was legitimately concerned as the Sabres were set to play the Blue Jackets on Tuesday in Columbus. “I’m seeing that the Bills couldn’t get back to town after playing in Chicago. The airport is shut down.”

“I need to keep in contact with the staff, but hopefully we’ll be able to head back on the 26th as planned.”

Surprise plot twist, the airport closed down due to said power outages and snow drifts, slated to reopen on TUESDAY, which was too late for the whole team to fly to Ohio. The storm had now postponed not just the Friday night game, but Tuesday now too. The next game would now be Thursday versus Detroit IN Buffalo.

AJ was doing her best to stay unconcerned about the weather, but she was failing. Not knowing if he’d get in trouble for not making it back in time potentially worried her. Tyson made it out that it wasn’t going to be a big deal though.

To keep her mind occupied elsewhere, the family played some card games and ate all sorts of food all day. Tales were told, baby photos were shared (much to Tyson and Kacey’s chagrin). AJ and Kacey became the champions of four-player cribbage. Grandpa Jim and AJ talked music. Tyson watched, loving how well AJ blended into his family.

As it grew late, the family split up and went back to Laura’s home for the night. And just like the previous year, matching pajamas were worn by all in attendance. Laura even pulled AJ aside before everyone went to bed.

“Last year I told you that you were an honorary Jost. I’m so happy that you’ll be a real one soon enough, that I’m gaining an extra daughter.” Laura hugged AJ tightly. “Merry Christmas, AJ.”

“Merry Christmas, Lau… you know what? No. Merry Christmas, Mom.” AJ hugged Laura just as tight. It didn’t feel weird saying it either.

Tyson caught the whole exchange from the doorway of the kitchen, and the feelings he had further made it obvious that AJ was the one for him. She didn’t take him away from his family, she added to his family. AJ was everything he could ever want. He made sure to express those feelings to AJ as they curled up for the night, wearing matching fleece pajamas and all.

Unlike last year, Tyson was NOT the first one to wake up, in fact, it was Kacey. She wandered the house to see who was awake. As she wandered the hall, Tyson woke up, which set off a chain reaction of AJ then waking up. The kids all went to the kitchen, getting some caffeinated beverages going. Laura was the last to join in, the sounds of the kitchen waking her up. Shortly after, the grandparents arrived, a box of gifts in tow.

AJ felt awkward this year not having gifts for everyone as she did the year before - there was so much happening between the move to Buffalo and having to get back to Minny to pack up the old place - that she just didn’t have a chance to really go shopping. Thankfully though, Tyson had her back and had picked out gifts for everyone, putting both of their names on the “from” line on the tags. 

Realizing she still had the one gift left in her bag, AJ had to pull a Tyson and throw it in a gift bag, and brought it out to the living room.

Tyson of course played Santa, handing out the stockings and gifts to everyone. This year, after last year’s overspending, Tyson did better and did NOT go overboard on gifts, especially since they’d have to pack whatever they received to come back on the plane with them. Tyson was still under the impression that AJ hadn’t had a chance to get him a present, so he was surprised to find the extra gift bag in front of him.

“Well open it, goof.” AJ pushed the bag toward Tyson.

Reaching inside, he found a new leather wallet with a crisp $1 bill in it.

“When did you find this? And… why… a dollar?”

AJ smiled, “ Remember when you were at practice on Thursday? I snuck out early. Also it’s bad luck to give someone a new wallet that’s empty… is that another AJ’s family thing like the pickle ornament?” 

Tyson laughed and nodded, and then pushed a bag to AJ, which held a new Sabres hoodie for her.

Everyone showed off their gifts, thanking each other for everything. While the men cleaned up the living room, the women of the family all went to the kitchen to get dinner ready. As they did so, snow was falling outside, causing a white Christmas for sure. 

This reminded AJ to check in again with what the situation was in Buffalo - and the situation was worse. Originally they were to leave early on the 26th, but then the airport said it was closed until the 27th, and now it was showing that it would open on the 28th at 11am. This was really causing some travel issues. AJ was trying to check flights to other nearby airports and maybe rent a vehicle and drive back, or fly elsewhere and finally get a flight back in on Wednesday once the airport in Buffalo opened again.

And of course, Tyson was just going with the flow. Concerned, yes, but it was all out of his hands. Instead, he saw the silver lining.

With not being able to fly out the 26th now, he had a plan that involved getting bundled up in whatever warm clothes he still had around his mom’s house, and finding some for AJ as well. This actually was easier for her than him - She had a new thick Sabres hoodie, and had packed some warm pants. Tyson ended up stealing another hoodie in her bag, an old Reverse Retro Avalanche hoodie. (Hey, a hoodie is a hoodie, even if it has a logo from two teams ago. Plus… the Avs were her team still, except when they played the Sabres.) After rummaging around in the garage, Tyson emerged with a couple saucer sleds.

“You ready to do this?” 

It was easy to see how excited Tyson was, that childlike silliness back in full force. Grabbing AJ’s hand, he led her (and the rest of the family that was with them) up the street to a park with giant hills, perfect for sledding.

“I think I’m going to be better at this than ice skating, that’s for sure!” AJ laughed as Tyson handed her one of the plastic discs.

At the top of the hill, both situated themselves, leaving Kacey to push AJ, and Laura pushing Tyson, until they started sliding on their own. AJ started picking up speed and started spinning slightly, with Tyson close behind. The shrieks and laughs that were had came to a quick halt when Tyson crashed into AJ, leaving them both laying in the snow at the bottom of the hill.

The giggles started up again between the two. Tyson leaned over to check on AJ, brushing snow and hair out of her smiling face. 

“Love you Eggo.” Tyson gave her a quick kiss, knowing the teasing from Kacey would start any minute.

AJ sat up, feeling her arms and legs to make sure she really was okay. Getting up, she challenged Tyson.

“Last one to the top of the hill has to cook dinner when we get back to Buffalo.” 

With a wink, AJ started running, trudging through the snow.

“HEY NO FAIR you have a head start!” 

Tyson was no match for AJ, especially when he playfully bumped into her and she lost her balance, falling into a drift. Again he checked on her and she pulled him down into it with her. They both finally got up laughing, and held hands (and sleds) getting back to the top of the hill.

Dinner would just have to be a team effort once they got back home.

Chapter 35 can be found at https://at.tumblr.com/brainrattlers/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-35n/v1c63xdvng6q

[taegularities]

so i just had this horrible day at work and then had two night classes which were equally terrible.

i went home and came across a thousand reasons why in my dashboard

what

the

fuck

i don’t know how to explain everything that i’m feeling right now. Like i’m so ugly crying right now (i would send i pic but it’s just so ugly that i can’t)

how do you manage to make all your jks and ocs like this. Extremely special wonderful heartbreaking amazing people who are just so fucking easy to fall for. (people i would just die to have in my life) (and even knowing you just a little i feel you would be exactly like them: a beautiful person that changes peoples lives forever) (i feel like you are doing just that with your writing)

i have this thing where it hurts me so much when people can’t be together and it’s not anyone’s fault it’s just life (does that makes sense?). When two people love each other and it just doesn’t work out because life is complicated.

it’s exactly like they say: you’re not right we are just very different. And it’s so heartbreaking to me. To think that they might’ve spend their wholes lives loving each other but not together. (i absolutely knew that i could count on you to bring them together but still)

i read the whole thing while listening to the playlist and it made the whole thing 100000 times more emotional to me. There’s so many amazing songs that i already knew and a added a bunch of new ones to my playlist. All the songs fit the story so perfectly it’s insane.

As i said, i’m kind in a after finishing shock so im problably not making sense at all. But i loved it so much.

jungkook and oc are so well written. I loved how he didn’t gave up on his dreams but adapted it (is that word right?). How his love was so strong that even the thing that was his biggest dreams didn’t came close to being with her. He still wanted all those things but he wanted with her.

again:

what

the

fuck.

i will cry myself to sleep right now. definitely will be back to ramble more about this. (and also the cf2 review)

rid, i really love u, you have no idea.

OK HERE GOES !!! ANA, you cannot imagine my excitement when i saw that you read atrw. like, it's over 1.5 years old, so i know it's hard to come across that story, but when people do, im so 🥹

freaking happy you loved those two so much. they're dear to my heart :( but even more flattered about that little compliment you threw in there? 😭 i didn't think i'd give off such vibes, but the fact that you think i could change lives is really a source of warmth for me lol :')

AND YES OH MY GOSH. i kid you not. i was saying the exact same thing to someone like 2 days ago. how i hate when people can't be together, not bc they don't want to but bc the world won't let them (bc that exact thing happened to me lol but yeah :')) it's cruel. i'm also very thrilled that you liked the playlist 🥺

thank you for this babe, i love you so much :(( i hope you know you can ramble about it (or anything, really) anytime <3

[andsotheuniverseended]

ok you know i love my grumpy girls but snow's class combo sounds FASCINATING so i have to know more :D :D 8 - 10, 12, 20, 28, 60 and 69!

Snow is one of the wildest characters I've ever made, she's mechanically a winter eladrin but is flavor-wise human but Extra. and also she is literally Snow White but based very specifically off that Kristen Stewart movie ANYWAY

8) what songs remind you of them? if there are specific lyrics or movements, list ‘em!

i Love making playlists for my characters so i have been very slowly working on hers but there's only a couple right now. Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles for the upbeat vibes because she is generally a cheerful girl

and Still by Noah Kahan for the fact that her life has basically been miserable for a hella long time (the past coming back with the light in the morning/look down on myself like a patient in surgery/and i used to watch my mother move/like god was in the room)

9) when in their life were they most scared?

okay SO about a hundred years ago, Snow's brand new step-mom killed their dad and took over the kingdom and killed and imprisoned everyone in it, and threw Snow into a cell, and there was a part of that where she was running and nearly at the gate and then got snatched up and dragged back into the castle and i think that was probably the most acutely terrified she's ever been

10) what inspired this character's creation?

lmao okay SO my friend and i watched that 2011 red riding hood movie with amanda seyfried and he went "i could make a dnd character outta this" and then like changed up the lore a ton and made Red, who's family is Super Cursed. and then we watched the snow white and the huntsman movie with kristen stewart bc for some reason in my head i've literally always confused those two for like being in the same universe? or something?

anyways we watched it and i went "hey, i could make a dnd character outta this!" and actually Snow's backstory is fairly accurate to the movie with the minor changes of she is technically an elf now so she was imprisoned for a hundred years, and also her blood can break curses (but it might kill her)

and then we looked at each other and went "these two would be fun in a campaign together"

12) how have they altered their body? piercings, tattoos, biohacks, or other modifications—anything. why (or why not) did they (or someone else) make those changes?

Snow hasn't had the opportunity to do anything to her body and also has a very... warped sense of her physical self? because she is magically/divinely mandated as Fairest Of Them All (and her beauty is literally magical hence the sorcerer levels) so she's just always been treated that way, as the Prettiest Thing Ever and that has really divorced her sense of self from her body. so i don't think she's even really thought about the fact that she could technically do any of those things? it hasn't crossed her mind, really. i DO think further down the line when she gets a little more grounded in her body she would definitely do something though. piercings for sure, maybe tattoos??

20) what attracts them to someone—platonically and/or romantically, anything counts.

Snow had a childhood love (dead now RIP) and she loved him because of his sense of adventure and his honor and his dedication to things, and his laugh

a hundred years later she met his granddaughter (in her 40s with a kid i think) and liked her because of her love for her kid and her practicality, and her sense of justice and responsibility to take care of others

generally Snow likes people who are devoted to important things, who have a strong will, who care deeply, and who fight- not just for the world but also for themselves.

28) do they collect anything?

Snow is not quite conscious of it yet but i as her player have made the decision that she's gonna collect items from each adventure we go on (so far it's a spider fang and an eternally frozen leaf). its one of those things where again she never had the chance to but once she realizes she CAN she'll definitely want to.

60) what do they have faith in? what keeps them believing?

i don't know how to word what i wanna say here but like the one thing that has kept Snow going for all this time is that she very much does Not Want To Die. she wants to live. so i think her faith is in herself and also the future, the idea that there are things to live for once she finds them. there's also her faith in her kingdom and her people, both of which she needs to rescue from the evil queen. so its her own stubbornness that keeps her believing that there IS a way to do it without sacrificing herself

69) what's one secret they don't want getting out?

Snow is on the run so most things about herself she keeps close to the chest so that the queen won't hear about her and come running

but the number one actual thing that she will need to be pushed into THE most desperate of corners to admit is that her blood can break curses. because its incredibly powerful but also incredibly dangerous and could kill her depending on the curse, and its not something she's willing to risk so people knowing about it would just be dangerous

[rrxnjun]

i'm not bitter anymore (i'm syrupy sweet) ;; ljn

pairing: lee jeno x fem! reader genre: slight band au, college au | fluff, hurt/comfort wc: 4.8k (4.817) warnings: mentions of alcohol, swearing

a spin-off to my fic i'm not angry anymore (well, sometimes i am) where jeno gets a redemption arc <3

When you first meet Lee Jeno, his exterior calls at you with hard chords that keep slowly burning out. Now, rather than a piercing echo, he holds himself to you like a soft melody.

Lee Jeno sits on his bed, chewing on his bottom lip as he nervously types into the chat he has opened, kicking his leg up and down in a steady, but fast rhythm. Looking around the room for one moment, trying to calm himself down with a loud breath in and out, he glances back at the phone screen and rereads the sentence he wrote over and over again, trying to hear it in his own head, desperately needing the tone to be just right.

hey i thought of you while making this haha

Furrowing his brows, he deletes the words he wrote, huffing out in frustration. He sounds too awkward. Too casual, even. He doesn’t know how these two even go together, but somehow, he managed to do it. He didn’t know he was able to get across two very different emotions in one sentence, but he thinks that this is perhaps his new talent. Maybe he can use it in songwriting someday… if he ever gets back into music, that is.

Fastly typing on the screen, holding in his breath, he changes the sentence from its base and finds himself reading over the new one, trying to figure out if it’s better.

hi! i made you this. listen to it if you have time!

His eyes scan over the words countless times again, hating the way it sounds in his brain. This is too enthusiastic. Too joyful, sounding piercing in his brain. This is not how he wants you to perceive him. Not after all this time, not after all the emotions you’ve awakened in him. Is this the same emotion he used to see in Ryusol’s eyes whenever she used to look at him last year? It’s scary to think that he let her down so much, but he finds comfort in knowing that Yangyang was there to catch her when he let her go. Maybe he wouldn’t be so stupid if he understood this emotion all this time ago. Maybe he wouldn’t have made so many mistakes…

Cracking his knuckles, he rolls his eyes at himself and deletes the message again, promising himself that this is going to be the last attempt. He either nails it, or he doesn’t– in this case, he will keep the whole thing a secret and never attempt to subtly hint you his feelings ever again. 

hey y/n :) i made you a playlist 

The message is simple. The smiley face gives it more sparkle, a sense of emotion, even. The tone it reads inside of his brain is casual, but with a giving undertone– he hopes it gets through to you in the same way. Adding the spotify link to the playlist he made for you, he finally presses the send button and throws the phone away to the other side of his bed, not wanting to see you react to it in real time. That’s too stressful. He’s not used to the frantic speed of his heart whenever he’s around you yet.

If he really thinks about it, this might be the first time he’s ever tried for someone. All of those times before, girls threw themselves at him at every step he took, every song he used to sing with his band, making countless hopeless hearts break for him when he only stayed with them for one night. He’s never had to try for anyone. He’s never had to do nice things for someone, he’s never had to pay attention to the conversations he was having, he’s never had to give gifts to girls to get them to be with him. They came naturally to him, and he never really cared about their emotions anyway. Love wasn’t something he was inclined to feel, and he never felt the need to have someone by his side for long enough. 

Perhaps, he was battling loneliness more effectively– without having to try to make someone stay, he chose to have a different girl every night. It was easier. He never got attached, so it meant that he never had the chance to get his heart broken. Sometimes, he didn’t even realize he was breaking somebody’s heart– he never quite understood how somebody could feel deeper for him, when all they saw was the surface he chose to show to everyone at his concerts and after parties. The first time it dawned on him was when he broke Ryusol’s heart. Maybe that was the moment that opened his eyes.

Lee Jeno thinks he’s never tried for anyone before. In his eyes, this is the first time he’s openly caring for someone.

He doesn’t think about all those times he helped you with your assignments. He doesn’t think about all those times he assured you you looked nice or all those times when he went grocery shopping with you at 8pm, even though he was tired and you lived 20 minutes away. He doesn’t think about all those times he’s given you a ride home and about all those times when he walked you to school, helping you revise for your exams.

It doesn’t click for him when he breaks his habits, even. When he doesn’t try to get you to sleep with him the first night you sleep over at his house when you’re too tired to walk to your dorms, when he doesn’t leave you on read for three days or when he actually listens to what you’re saying, offering advice when needed and being the shoulder for you to cry on when you don’t really feel like solving your problems.

It only clicks for him when he sends you the link to the spotify playlist he made while thinking about you late last night, adding the song he recorded about you and posted to his new solo spotify account last week. 

Perhaps Lee Jeno still only expresses himself through music.

Sitting in the university auditorium, Jeno finds himself to be hyper-aware of your presence next to him. You’re sitting in the very last row, accompanied by all of Jeno’s friends– Renjun, Donghyuck, Mark, Jaemin, Chenle and Hendery (even though the band isn’t active anymore and they broke it off for the best for everyone), hell, even Ryusol and Yangyang, even though the boy doesn’t even go to university. It’s kind of surreal how one year can change everything, Jeno thinks; what he thought was the best for him was now broken off, and the friendships he found himself to be mistreating now had stronger bonds than ever. 

He wonders how you even ended up in the middle of it all, in the middle of his small galaxy. You two met in the club, where you were working part-time and he often went to drown his feelings away. After he had a falling out with his friends because of the way he was acting when he was too busy with chasing fame with his band, he found himself to be the loneliest he’s ever been, now that he didn’t have the support of others and the screaming rows full of girls that were all over him. Without the band, he often felt like nothing– worthless, not interesting. 

But then you came– asking him if he was the Lee Jeno from the band, and if he was feeling alright after the band’s breakup. No one’s ever asked him about it before. It opened up a pit in him, made him cross all his barriers and finally let his feelings take over. It’s mainly on you that he managed to apologize to everyone and realize what he lost. 

And ever since that night, he found himself not wanting to let you go.

Nervously kicking his knee up and down, he feels the contact of your hand on his thigh, trying to calm him down. Looking at you from above, he tries to fake a smile as you squeeze his flesh and intertwine your fingers with his, shaking your hands in enthusiasm. Leaning closer to him, you whisper encouraging words into his ear.

“You’re gonna rock it, Jeno.”

Snickering, he shakes his head. “It’s an acoustic set, Y/N. I can’t rock it.”

Rolling your eyes in mock annoyance, you shake your head. “You know what I meant. So stop stressing, you’re a professional.”

It’s been months since Jeno last sang on the stage. His band was no longer in service, but all of his friends and bandmates still encouraged him to join the university’s recital– he was a good musician with a good voice, and his songs had more depth this time around. He almost gets emotional at the growth he’s made, but there’s no time for that when he notices the person in front of him being done with their song, meaning that it’s now his time to shine.

Seconds before he stands up from his place and takes his acoustic guitar with him, you reach over to his hair and ruffle it with admiration. The blush that forms on Jeno’s face is hardly noticeable from the bright lights of the stage, but it still makes Yangyang and Renjun snicker from their seats– they know this state all too well.

Lee Jeno doesn’t realize that now, this is you trying. 

No one’s ever tried so subtly for him before.

“So, which one do you wanna watch?” you ask as you stumble around his messy room, getting his laptop and laying next to him on the bed. You’ve been trying to make him watch your favorite movies with you for the last half an hour, and when you finally succeeded after giving him countless options, he insisted that he’s too lazy to get the laptop himself.

Sometimes, he’s a pain in the ass. But more than often, you don’t find yourself caring.

“Hm?” you poke his side as you turn on the computer and type in his password (that you helped him out with when he first got his new laptop. He didn’t know what to set it as and you told him to make it your name as a joke. He hasn’t changed it since.), waiting for him to reply. 

“I dunno,” he shrugs, “what do you want to watch the most?”

“I asked you first! I’ve seen most of them already, so I don’t really care much,” you mutter, opening Netflix and turning to him when the pincode comes up, raising your brows up.

“0423,” he mumbles before continuing, “why do you even want to watch movies that you’ve already seen? Isn’t that boring to you?” 

“Your pin code is your birthday? That’s… so unsafe,” you mutter as you type it in, shaking your head at your friend’s antics, “and I like watching movies I’ve already seen, because it gives me a new perspective. And also, I like watching your reactions when you watch movies. Your face lights up and stuff, it’s adorable.”

Jeno feels his cheeks getting red again, but he tries to hide it by pulling up the hood of his hoodie, shifting a little in the bed to leave you more space. “Which one have you watched the most times?” he asks.

“Hmm… probably Dirty Dancing,” you muse, grinning, “I’ve seen it like 15 times already.”

“Can we watch that one?” he mumbles, seeing your fingers dancing along the keyboard already, typing the movie title in and searching through the page to find it.

“Why?”

“I dunno… ‘cause it’s obviously your favorite?” he says, not realizing the implication his words have, only stating what he truly means. When you silently click on the movie and let it play, laying next to your friend and putting the laptop onto his lap so you can cuddle into his side, he wonders if this is what all friends do on cold afternoons.

He wonders if there’s something more in the way you wrap your arms around him, if there’s something more in the way you look at him from time to time when your favorite scene of the movie occurs or when you hum the soundtrack under your breath, trying to make him join you just so you could hear his voice. He might have a lot of experience with girls, but when it comes to relationships, he’s utterly clueless.

And when he giggles at the scene with Baby’s sister singing, moving very sternly from side to side, hearing you replicating the scene into his ear almost word-to-word, he doesn’t regret choosing the most corny, romantic movie he’s ever heard of. He might even comply if you asked him to learn the choreography with you. He’s not opposed to anything.

When the movie comes to an end and the final credits roll, he feels a soft peck pressed to his jaw, keeping him from looking at you in fear of not seeing the admiration he so deeply desires to see in your eyes. 

He wonders if this was you trying.

“What’s the deal with you and Y/N?” Jaemin asks one day, silent enough to not make the rest of the friend group hear, but loud enough to land in Jeno’s ears and make him look at his friend with shock.

“Nothing…?” he replies, but already feels his cheeks heatening. He despises how his emotions always show in his face. He wants to be cool about everything, but it’s hard to look unbothered when every small thing about you makes his heart race and makes his brain turn into a fuzzy mess.

“Sure,” Jaemin grins with a knowing smile, making Jeno roll his eyes. Of course Jaemin noticed. He always notices first, it seems– the boy has a good nose for human emotion. Perhaps it’s his very well developed sense of empathy. Jeno wonders if he’s good at relationship advice as well, but since you and him aren’t dating, he figures it’s too early to ask.

“Nothing yet, I guess? I don’t know…” Jeno mumbles under his nose, sensing that he can trust Jaemin. The boy knowingly nudges him into his waist, making the older one (by 4 months only, but that’s still something) grunt in mock annoyance.

“Oh would you look at that, our local player finally let his heart soften for someone!” Jaemin exclaims, still paying enough attention to not being too loud, leaving you deep in conversation with Yangyang and Ryusol in the back of the group. 

“Stop,” Jeno rolls his eyes, but grins at the comment. 

“I love this for you, though. Ever since you’ve known her, you’re different. You’re nicer, you’re paying more attention to others, hell, you don’t even drink anymore. I think this is a good thing,” Jaemin says with an encouraging smile.

“Jaemin, stop talking like my therapist, please,” Jeno mutters, trying hard to compose his expression.

“I mean it, though! It’s… it’s nice to see you actually trying for someone, you know. I hope this works out for you two,” his words are sincere and sweet, leaving Jeno in hesitance. He’s never heard any of his friends encouraging him in a relationship with someone before. He’s never been this close to anyone before, his emotions were never this deep– all of his past encounters with girls were purely sexual, and he can’t even imagine how he could ever live like that.

But before he can open his mouth to reply to Jaemin, he feels your warm hand in his (he doesn’t even have to turn around to know it’s you. He’s not used to the feeling of your hand in his– he just purely senses your presence.), catching him off-guard with the feeling of falling he gets inside of his stomach, suffocating a little.

Looking around at you, seeing you smiling, a sentence of “What are you two gossiping about?” uttered out of your lips, Jeno finds himself content with the state he’s in right now.

It feels good to try for someone.

Noticing you shivering as you two sit in the cafeteria, Jeno finds himself feeling like a worried mum for the first time. Squinting at the open windows, as if he could be mad at inanimate objects for the state they can’t control, he curses in his mind at whoever decided it was a good idea to leave them open in the middle of November. 

“Are you cold?” he asks the obvious, seeing you look at him with wide eyes, reminding him of Bambi. A burst of admiration spreads on his insides, but when you reply, he can’t help but glare at you.

“No.”

“What do you mean, no? You keep shivering. You should’ve taken a hoodie with you, you know it gets cold out here,” he mutters, seeing you roll your eyes at him.

“I forgot,” you peep, “but that’s okay. I was stupid and now I have to bear the consequences,” you say, making the boy’s protective instincts kick in once again, finding himself automatically taking off his large hoodie and throwing it into your lap.

“Wear it,” he says.

“But you’re gonna get cold-”

“I can bear the cold. Wear it or else you’ll get sick again, your immune system is more unstable than my mental health. I don’t need you stuck at home with a fever for two weeks again, I’d get bored to death,” he says, trying to reason with you, while also simultaneously trying to make it seem more casual than it felt inside of him.

“Jeno-”

“Can you please just wear it?” he asks, seeing you finally back down, smiling as you put the hoodie on and tug the sleeves down to make the most adorable sweater paws, making the boy coo on the inside.

You look absolutely adorable in his eyes. He never really knew how it feels to see someone you adore in your clothes– while he’s lent his jackets to random girls in the bar countless of times before, it never really held any significance to him. But seeing you in his jacket, drowning in the fabric as he likes his own clothes a little oversized, he can’t help but feel his heart swell with the sight. You should borrow his clothes more often.

Maybe he could “accidentally” leave one at your place once. Maybe you’ll wear it if you find it there. He won’t know about it unless you tell him, but the thought is enough for the boy to go crazy about the imagination.

“You look good,” slips out of his lips, making him instantly curse at himself on the inside. This might just be the corniest situation of his whole entire life– and he’s sent you a playlist before. 

Looking at him from under your eyelashes, you almost look shy as you burrow your nose into the fabric of the hoodie, smiling at him. “Thanks.”

“You can… keep it if you’d like,” he hesitantly says, not knowing what’s gotten into him. If Jaemin was here, he’d scream and yell at him for being this awkward with you. He’s known you for quite a few months now– he should already be used to the way you make him feel by now.

You grin at him as you nod, looking away from his eyes and breaking the burning eye-contact. “Okay,” you say.

The table falls silent for a second, both of you too immersed into your own head to register the quietness, when you move in your place and reach towards your hair, dragging the scrunchie that was holding your hair up off your hair, letting your locks fall free on the gray fabric of Jeno’s hoodie. Running your hand through your hair to shake it off a little and give it volume, you turn to Jeno and take his hand into yours before sliding the light-pink scrunchie onto his hand, giggling at the contrast of it against his all-black outfit.

Jeno looks at you with furrowed brows. What’s this supposed to be? Why is your hair tie suddenly on his wrist? 

When your eyes lock for a split second, you must notice his confusion. “Keep it,” you say. 

And he will. He’s convinced he would keep anything you give him, even if he found no interest in the thing, or if he found the item to be the most unuseful thing in the whole world. It’s from you, so it’s important. 

He doesn’t know what the whole action means– he’s too clueless to understand the girl code. He doesn’t know that this was him marking you his, and you letting the world know he’s yours. The item exchange was solely a game of your hearts. A slight push forward to giving this whole thing a new title.

He doesn’t know that this was you trying. But he feels he’s too impatient to keep waiting for signs any longer.

When you first meet Lee Jeno, his exterior calls at you with hard chords that keep slowly burning out. 

You never really liked your job at the bar. It was too loud, you came in contact with too many men with high egos that thought they could make your day any better, and you also had nothing else to do than to observe people the whole night. Observing the guests of your bar was one of your favorite activities. Sometimes, you make up a whole story about them in your brain, puzzling the pieces together with a bit of fantasy; sometimes, they come to you and tell you all about their problems and why they chose to drink them away at the bar tonight. 

Jeno was no different. You knew about him– because realistically speaking, who didn’t? He had quite the reputation in the town, and you can’t say that the one he had amongst girls he slept with was a good one. You heard all about him from your coworkers– he’s a showstopper, a bad liar, drama starter, a player, fuckboy… you name it, he’s probably been called that name before. And you can’t say you didn’t believe those words, not when you saw him at the bar with that confident smirk of his every other night, but this one evening, when you actually came in contact with the boy, you thought they might have been lying about him just the slightest.

He came to you with a dark look on his face, ordering himself a drink. He seemed out of it– like most days, lately– and you suddenly thought about all the rumors that spread around the town when his band broke up, wondering if they were true and if he really was such a dick everyone made him out to be. His expression is remorseful, the look never leaving his face, and you suddenly catch yourself asking him if he’s okay, met with surprise in his eyes. 

You think you must be the first one to ever care about how he feels.

When you first meet Lee Jeno, his exterior calls at you with hard chords that keep slowly burning out. When you get to know him, the contrast between his inside and the act he puts out for everyone to see gets harsher and harsher.

You learn a lot about him over time. They said he was overly-confident when he was starting the band– you just think he was ambitious. They said he was a liar– you just thought he never really had the full picture. They said he was a player– you just thought he never really thought he was playing with anyone’s heart. They all said he would hurt you– you told them you don’t see that happening any time soon.

Nobody believed in him until he put himself back together. Nobody but you.

“I think I’m in love with you,” he whispers into the dark one night, his face illuminated by the show he put up on Netflix to just mumble in the background, when you’re too tired to go back to the campus and choose to stay over at his place, because you sleep better by his side anyway. His words don’t surprise you, if you really think about it– they just fall into place, filling you with a soft harmony, making you 100% content.

Turning your body to him, his expression is nervous and he keeps biting at his lower lip, the habit of pulling at his chapped skin making itself known again like in any situation like this. You don’t even realize there’s a smile spreading on your face, a soft one, to be exact– because that’s how everything with Jeno was so far.

“Can I kiss you?” you reply with a question, catching the boy off guard. Breathless, he nods, letting you completely in, breaking all the walls he’s spent ages building up around himself.

He’s had a lot of experience with girls and you’re sure as hell he’s kissed more than a couple of them in his life before, but when kissing you, he’s as nervous as the first time, a shy boy looking at you from under his eyelashes as you lean closer to him and nudge his nose with yours before connecting your lips together in what feels like a seal of something new.

When you first meet Lee Jeno, his exterior calls at you with hard chords that keep slowly burning out. When you first kiss him, he’s the softest entity.

There’s something unexplainable about the contrast of his dark hair, harsh jawline and the chains on his clothing with the unbearable softness of his kiss, the movement of his lips against yours almost hesitant to get more, afraid of going too far and messing up the moment. The humming of Netflix is no more than a background noise when you pull away from him for just a second, gasping for air and going for more, this time deeper, letting the boy know that he doesn’t have to fear you, that although you’re fragile, in his arms, you have no chance of breaking. His palm, adorned with cold silver on his fingers, comes in contact with your jaw, steading the movement. The touch burns you up, makes you yearn for more, but he still holds you like you’re the finest piece of porcelain, treasuring you so much more than anyone ever before, the drunkenness of being in love with someone completely changing his brain chemistry.

Pulling away from him once again, the state of him takes all air out of your lungs. In the white glow of the TV, Lee Jeno looks up at you with eyes an endless pool of serenity, all wide and glimmering, his lips swollen and parted, aching for more. His cheeks are a little tinted, his raven hair falling into his forehead a little disheveled, his strong features shining with a softened glow, inviting you in for more. You want to keep this image of him forever. 

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” he whispers again, into the dark, making the pit in your stomach deepen. He must have felt like everyone gave up on him– like there was no other script for him and he was left with nothing at all. You wonder if he truly thought he would never get a second chance again. You wonder if he really thought he messed it up this bad.

Something about his words makes you want to kiss him again. You lean into him, catching his cheeks into your palms– almost feeling like you’re holding your whole world– and see his eyes flutter close when your breathing fans over his lips, softly taking him in again. 

His hands are a little cold when he covers yours, still sitting at his face. “I’m in love with you,” you whisper against his lips, thinking to all the times you wanted to say it but couldn’t, knowing it’s too soon and he’s not ready for it yet. You took things at his pace– he’s never been in a serious relationship before, and you didn’t know if he was prepared to have one, prepared to get attached, prepared to let you stay, when all everyone ever did was leave him. You wonder if the trajectory of his life would have gone differently if his father was still present– even though it’s still only an explanation, not an excuse– but you think you’re perfectly content with watching him grow by your side.

When your lips grow tired of the kissing, you smile against each other’s lips, holding each other close. The vulnerability of it all breaks you into pieces and glues itself together in one swift moment, wanting to treasure this moment forever.

When you first meet Lee Jeno, his exterior calls at you with hard chords that keep slowly burning out. Now, rather than a piercing echo, Lee Jeno holds himself to you like a soft melody.

You’re the first person Lee Jeno ever tried for. But even now, that he’s so sure you’re his and you’re not leaving any time soon, he’s convinced that for you, he’ll always keep trying.