#but my hiatus is ongoing until i can get myself settled again

[orphyd]

hiatus lol

[minijenn]

Important UF Announcement

Ah, ok so... this post is really hard for me to make, but its time for me to be honest with myself and with all of you. So, I have a few things to say just to make sure you guys are in the loop with what I’ve decided to do for the immediate future. Long story short, I’m putting UF on an indefinite hiatus. You maybe be wondering “Jen, why would you do that when you’re in the middle of writing a chapter?” Well, its because I’m... struggling with this chapter. Crack the Whip is kind of an important cornerstone of Arc 9 and I don’t want it to be subpar like I feel the last few chapters (basically everything since RMD) have been. I hold my work to a very high standard and I don’t want to put out something I’m not proud of, especially for a chapter this significant. But tbh, even beyond that, I’ve just been feeling... a real lack of passion for UF lately. I haven’t felt like writing it, planning for it, drawing stuff for it, I think I’m just burnt out with it. Blame that on whatever you will, my zeal for Keys to the Kingdom, my being in the middle of a big move to a new apartment, the general state of the world at the moment, ect, but I’m stressed and I kind of just want a break from something that, at this point, kind of feels like something that’s more of an obligation to write than something I actually want to work on. 

Now, let me make it exceptionally clear that I’m NOT cancelling or ending UF. I’m just putting it on hold for the time being. I would never stop working on this fic completely when its so very close to its completion. But I need to rebuild my steam, my passion for this story before I ride that stride into the end. And to do that, I plan on doing things like rereading my favorite chapters, probably rewatching GF and SU since I haven’t done so in so very long, things like that. It’ll probably take some time, but I want UF to feel like a labor of love again instead of, again, an obligation I feel like I have to maintain a solid schedule on. I want to love writing this fic again instead of it feeling like a chore. And to do that... I think I need to step away from it for a bit. It hurts me to do this since I’ve been putting so few chapters out lately anyway and I know you guys are starving for more content and are probably sick of me and my stupid KH fic instead of UF, but I just... can’t keep forcing myself like this. So... if an extended hiatus is what I have to do to get over it... so be it. 

So since I’m sure you all have plenty of questions about all this, I’ll answer some under the cut: 

How long is this hiatus going to be? 

Like I said, its indefinite, so I can’t honestly tell you. For all I know I could get my passion back as early as after my move next week once I’m all settled in my new apartment, but at the same time it could be possibly mid February or so before I feel like working on UF again. It just depends on how I feel tbh. 

Are you still going to be available to discuss UF? 

Yeah! You can hit my inbox up about UF stuff anytime, and the Discord is also a great place to chat with others about UF Stuff (PM me for the link to that if you wanna join!). I’ll also still likely draw UF stuff whenever I open drawing requests, maybe even write some UF drabbles too the next time those open up as well. 

What are you going to be working on in the meantime?

I can’t lie in saying that I’ll be shifting my focus over to Keys. Tbh Keys is kind of easier to write at this point since its an ongoing flowing plotline as opposed to UF’s episodic structure where we largely start off with a clean slate in each chapter. But like I said, I’ll also be rereading some of the best parts of UF and rewatching both shows to remind myself what makes them so great and reconnect with these characters I feel like I’ve fallen out of touch with. 

Those are really all of the questions I can think of right now, but as always if you have any more, please feel free to hit me up in my inbox. Before I go, I do want to genuinely appologize to all of you UF fans out there for this. I’m kind of disappointed in myself too lately since I’ve been so passionless for something I’ve been trying to keep so strong for 5 years straight now, but... maybe that’s part of the reason why too. But again, I need a break and that’s exactly what I’m going to take so that hopefully, when I return to UF, I’ll be able to give you all the same great content you love to see :) Until then though... well, I hope you’ll stick around and be patient with me. Thank you <3

[james-bionic-barnes]

Update Part 2

A Heads-Up

Okay so, again I’d like to point out that I’m writing this at 4 in the morning so it’s definitely still sincere, but no one is going to see this if I post it at the time I’m writing this so this post (and probably even some asks) will be queued, but whatever I say in them I still definitely mean, I just want them to be seen & not be lost because of the time I’m posting them. Also, I’m going to divide this up a little bit through titles just so it’s easier to skip to the important parts because I’m probably going to ramble & type a lot in this, & I do want those who care to see my explanation as to what happened. Please AT LEAST read the TL;DR near the bottom (after the ‘read more’ link, that is) so that you can avoid my stupid rambling, but know briefly what happened.

My tentative plan is to be active tomorrow & respond to messages (& to any of my friends who might be reading this, I’m sorry that I’m not responding but I don’t want to do so at almost 4 am my time.) However, I am in an area that might be possibly affected slightly by Hurricane Harvey so if I lose power due to storms, I’ll respond on my phone as much as I can, although it’ll take me longer to type out the long messages that I’d like to, but when I’m free (I’m currently in the midst of unpacking & getting ready for school) I’ll respond as much as I can, since obviously, everyone deserves that.

The ‘read more’ link below starts with my actual explanation as to what happened to me & why I was gone for so long. If you read it, or even just skim it (which I’ll understand because I want to let people know what happened, & there IS a TL;DR near the bottom), I hope you understand. But no matter what, I love & appreciate you all <3

What Happened (in as few words as possible, which is still a lot)

So about right after I hit 3k & posted how I wanted to celebrate, I stayed offline for a bit because I was hanging out with family, with full intent to get back on & host a celebration for 3k followers & continue conversations with my friends as always, and ask everyone for opinions on what I should write next. About right after posting my last post, my family got into a tight spot financially, both my parents & as well as my sister & her husband. Obviously, we were all stressed about it despite the fact we knew we were probably going to be okay. But it was a major stress not knowing if my sister was going to be able to pay for groceries or not. Eventually, we got mostly out of that, however, but my stress didn’t really go away.

All summer I’ve been packing and getting ready to move to an apartment close to where I go to school, along with my mother moving in to help me. Even though I was extremely excited at the idea of decorating my own apartment and being closer to the school campus that I love, I was (and still am, honestly) extremely stressed about it. Even though I have my mom with me, the rest of my family (my sister & her husband, and my dad) are back home. But the entire process took forever (as moving does) and I just got more stressed as time went on since I was worried about not getting everything done. That, compounded with my regular stress and anxiety just snowballed on me and made my mental health take a nose-dive. I barely did more than stay in bed and sleep, or just marathon shows I’ve seen before just to let my brain rest a bit and get away from the stress.

I had a brief good period during late July - I celebrated my birthday as well as my mom’s, and I spent a lot of time with family and relaxed a bit. But then my sister began to have issues at work - and I mean issues. She works at the entrance desk of a psychiatric hospital. She deals with visitors before they are allowed back to visit patients, and obviously, there are mandatory requirements before you are allowed back. When a particular woman wasn’t allowed back, she began to physically threaten my sister, & attacked her verbally right in the lobby while my sister’s boss just stood there. The woman has returned twice and each time threatened my sister’s life and continued to attack her verbally and insult her, as her boss does nothing to help. On top of all this, my sister is pregnant with her first child - clearly, this isn’t an environment for her to be in if she’s possibly going to be threatened or hurt. Thankfully, she’s quitting, and hopefully she’ll find another job soon, since it’ll be tight financially for her again, but we’re praying everything works out.

But the biggest personal cause of stress has been school - I start Monday, and although I am now *mostly* moved into my apartment, I still feel under prepared. Not to mention that there was a screw-up in my financial aid process so I’ve been worried about that even though it’s probably fine. Still, school is my biggest source of stress, so now that it’s starting again I’m worried of it getting too much again like last time. Hopefully, since I’m in a different environment this year (with my mother & cats in an apartment, & not in a tiny dorm), my health (both physical & mental) should be better off as I have a lot more ways to cope with it. As some of you might know, I’m physically disabled & have chronic pain, so last year’s dorm situation was not ideal for my health. But now that my living situation is different, I guess I’ll just have to see how everything goes.

The longer I was away (and obviously, I’ve only “come back” just recently, if you can even say that), the worse I felt about tumblr & getting back on - I figured that since I hadn’t posted much writing before I left, if I came back saying that I might not be able to write for a while, I’d just be met with anger. Which, I admit, is a complete discredit to my followers - all of you that I’ve interacted with have been absolute sweethearts, and completely understand. But still, my anxiety got the better of me, and it just spiraled. And I especially felt like shit when it came to the idea of talking to my friends again - since I left every one of you hanging, I just felt like I’d immediately come back to not wanting to talk to me anymore. Which, even though I haven’t been able to speak to anyone yet, I still think it’s a complete discredit to you as well, since every single friend I’ve made on here has treated me with complete & utter kindness & love. And I’ve always made it a point to be kind to people and to always work to be the best friend I can be - which, clearly, I have not been doing AT ALL. I’ll talk to each one of you, I promise, and hopefully everything can be worked out and I can finally apologize to you, too, since each one of your friendships mean an incredible amount to me and I don’t want to lose any of them.

TL;DR - Why I Was Gone

tight financial situations with my family

moving to an apartment for school

school starting soon/financial aid mess up

my sister being threatened and her job & her financial situation now that she’s quitting and expecting her first child

worry that once I came back after being gone for so long, I’d just be met with anger and every one of my friends dropping me

My anxiety just making everything seem so much worse than what it’s probably is going to be, especially when I think of coming back & talking to my friends

& my mental health has been absolute shit since I left and until I get everything worked out here, it’s still probably going to be.

Apology (& this is the last thing, I promise)

So if you at least read the tl;dr, you got a brief idea of what happened to me and why I dropped off the face of the earth again. Despite all of what happened couldn’t exactly be avoided, and that I’m still accepting the fact that I’m allowed to not be okay, even if it’s for a longer period than I would want to, I still am so sorry I disappeared. Believe me, every day I was gone I was so torn about coming back and would go to the login page but would just psych myself out since I was so scared of the backlash I might be met with due to my anxiety causing me to worry about it. I thought of all of you & would read a bunch of my favorite fanfics of all of my friends just to help make me feel better when I had really bad days. But I’m sorry I never actually responded to anyone (that is, until I start to tomorrow, but my apology will still apply), & that I feel completely horrible for, and I don’t think I can get that across in few enough words to not sound pathetic or just to not make this post any longer. But I want everyone to know that I’m sorry for vanishing like that and for any hurt I may have caused during all of this.

After seeing tomorrow (I guess later today, technically?) what some of the reactions are to this, hopefully some of my stress will be a bit lifted about the anxiety of returning back here. Once school starts (and the actual true work starts, not just the opening week) and I find my routine, I plan to figure out exactly how active I can be. At the very least, I plan to be on as much as possible & respond to everyone & reblog, but I’m not sure yet how writing is going to go. If I’m able to, I might just start off with a drabble or two, maybe a one-shot. It all depends on how much free time I have after school starts and how I’m dealing with the stress. For now, I’m back on a writing hiatus (not that I was off of one much before I disappeared) but I’ll see what happens after all this settles down.

I’m still recovering, and a few of these issues are still ongoing, and obviously, mental health is always going to be a struggle for me, and whatever happens is pretty much unavoidable - it’s life, after all. But still, I ask that everyone is patient with me as I respond to asks and messages when I can. I promise I’ll get to everyone. I just need to get back up, and it might take a bit, but I’m going to work to get better, both with figuring out how active I can be, and as well as keeping myself healthy at the same time. For the meantime, I’ll queue up a couple of asks and maybe a few reblogs to appear after this, just so the most recent thing on my blog isn’t this mess.

Regardless of how people react to this, I am sorry about what happened. But I’m thankful for each and every one of you, and I hope that everything can kind of go back to where it was eventually. It’ll just take time, but I’m willing to work toward it if you all are. The people I interact with and the space I’ve created on here for myself (and hopefully, for others, too) has always been a place of love and support for me. It’s not something I ever take for granted - so thank you for all that you’ve done. I love you all <3

Sincerely,

Kathrynn

[zoetropia]

Zoetropia’s Top 10 Albums of 2018

Well, here we are, later than usual but I couldn’t let myself not do it. I didn’t do any music writing this year so this thing is going to be longer than usual, with a lot more extensive honorable mention section than normal. That means I’ll probably lose most of you until you get to the top 10 but oh well. I listened to 163 2018 releases by the time of this writing. These are my favorite.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (in no order)

Yo La Tengo - There’s a Riot Going On: Solid, but solid for YLT is career-best material for most other acts. This band has been around for 34 years and they’re still this inventive, playful, and relevant. Incredible.

Mount Eerie - Now Only: Incredibly powerful (how could it not be?) but it’s more Mark Kozelek than Phil E. this time around.

Foxing - Nearer My God: A swelling, generous Emo magnum opus and its reach extends ever so slightly beyond its grasp by the end. But those first 5 tracks are an absurd collection of excellent songs.

Mitski - Be the Cowboy: Mitski goes full art rock in a very fine of collection of songs that show her range but struggle to cohere.

Phosphorescent - C’est La Vie: Matthew Houck and his band can still cut a lovely and rousing tune, and this album finds him growing up, settling down, and accepting the weight of the rest of his days. But yet, I miss his anger and rebellion. Some might say losing your rage is a sign of maturity. I don’t know if I agree.

Fucked Up - Dose Your Dreams:  Bursting at the seams with pretty much every style of rock that’s possible, but ultimately too shaggy to be a Great album. Still, there’s so much to like in this album, and it’s not afraid to give you more and more of it.

Joey Purp - Quarterthing: Wild, ranging, but most of all fun. Joey Purp finds himself stretching across styles, beats, rhymes, and samples but always sounds like himself. Maybe the most exhilarating rap release of the year.

Earl Sweatshirt - Some Rap Songs: And way out on the outer edges of what rap can be, we have Earl using his extensive powers of wordplay to explore his psyche and fill out the sketches of production that loop samples filled with tape hiss and record pops. It’s a rap record that feels both tossed off and intricate. In a word, effortless.

IDLES - Joy as an act of resistance.: A bit of a sophomore slump for one of my favorite new acts. Maybe they rushed to get the new record out to capitalize on the word of mouth of their bracing debut and a new record is always easier to publicize over a reissue. Still, there are some great, pummeling punk tunes here, and welcome additions to the set of one of the more raucous and rowdy live acts I’ve seen in a while.

Daughters - You Won’t Get What You Want: Brutal and uncompromisingly dark, this is one of the most frightening records I’ve listened to this year (I don’t listen to too much metal). Isolation, alienation, apocalypse, terror, despair. All the good stuff is in here! And while the unrelenting bleakness is part of its “appeal”, I just wish it wasn’t so one note.

The Sueves - R.I.P. Clearance Event: A relentless garage rock record, pumping up and speeding up some of your fairly groovy rock n roll to maximum distortion and maximum speed. They’re loud, they’re snotty, and if they’d leave Chicago, I’d love to see them in a tiny, sweaty venue soon.

Mastersystem - Dance Music: We miss you, Scott.

THE TOP 10

10. Superchunk - What a Time to Be Alive: Superchunk continue to justify their existence after their hiatus with their tightest and angriest collection of songs maybe ever. Always good to have the vets show the kids that they can rock just as hard, and be just as mad at the direction of the world.

9. Darlingside - Extralife: An absolutely gorgeous folk record, filled with beautiful male vocal harmonies and just the right amount of flowing instrumentation to build worlds of warmth. It’s thankfully free of fast strumming and floor stomping and sparingly uses the one-trick of a rousing crescendo in every song to explore more nuanced song structures. But when the trick is pulled out, it’s perfect.

8. Courtney Marie Andrews - May Your Kindness Remain: I love Kacey Musgraves and I was a big fan of her record this year, but this is my favorite country record of this year in a walk. The songwriting is strong and simple, foregrounding Andrews’ powerful voice and sad, longing words, and her strong backing band fills the space in just enough to color in the emotion.

7. Typhoon - Offerings: An enormously ambitious indie rock opera about life, death, art, and memory. Vividly detailed, intelligent, and impeccably orchestrated, this is the kind of record that’s aimed right at what I love. Oh, and it also quotes 8 1/2 so it was never not going to be on this list.

6. Parquet Courts - Wide Awake!: Never ones to shut up and play the hits, Parquet Courts goes full political with this one. Full of righteous ideological anger and the best and most varied songs of any of their releases, Wide Awake! tackles collectivism, environmentalism, economic inequality, violence in America, and how to stay aware, stay sane, find love and companionship, remain peaceful, and take care of yourself and others in a crumbling world. I can’t think of a record that captures this sociopolitical era more completely. And fuck Tom Brady.

5. Car Seat Headrest - Twin Fantasy (Face to Face): Will Toledo’s ongoing deep dive through his psyche takes a backwards turn as he remakes one of the more beloved of his “Bandcamp” albums with a full band this time. And these songs are worth the rework, as they are some of the brightest, heartbreaking, insightful, and detailed that Toledo has written in his young career. The new production doesn’t give them too much shine but instead fills out of enough of the sound to let them speak for themselves. Plus he did it all in a way that still fit the concept of the record. Pretty impressive.

4. Saba - Care For Me: Where Quarterthing is wild and Some Rap Songs is experimental, Care For Me is focused. It’s a sad, angry record about grief, loneliness, and depression. Saba’s flow seems to need to erupt out of him at times, culminating in the astonishing climax of PROM/KING as he describes the moment he found out about the murder of his cousin. It’s powerful, devastating music, and easily my favorite rap release this year.

3. Jon Hopkins - Singularity: It’s been 5 years since Jon Hopkins’ last LP and immediately upon listening to this new record, the time just seems to disappear. This is an album that could have taken a decade to make, or could have just appeared in the sleepless work of one night. As all of Hopkins’ work, it is precise and detailed, intricately textured and arranged. And as much as we know that every song on this album was worked over and perfected note-by-note, it still somehow feels organic and natural. Astounding.

2. Low - Double Negative: Despite being one of the figureheads of the genre, it really felt like Low had exhausted all the possibilities of “slowcore”. While they’ve never made a bad album, the formula of slowcore seemed to be inhibiting them more than anything, and it being 25 years into their career, it would be forgivable for Low to just continue making, say, Ones and Sixes over and over again. This is not what they did. This is easily best album Low has ever released. They twist and warp and distort their sound into shapes that are at once gorgeous, ominous, foreboding, isolating, and expansive. It is a remarkably cohesive album united around a sound that ebbs and flows, builds and decays, resolves and dissolves constantly and consistently. This is the undisputed masterpiece of Low’s career and I hope they keep getting better.

1. Beach House - 7: Similar to Low, it also seemed like Beach House had exhausted the possibilities of their brand of widescreen dream pop. To my mind, Bloom was the album they were working to all along and after that, they seemed a bit lost. Depression Cherry and Thank Your Lucky Stars had some nice tunes, but they were records that made it seem like the band didn’t know what to do now that they’ve reached their destination. And the two records made at the same time definitely didn’t help counter the impression that they lost their focus. But 3 years later, Beach House returned with their (duh) seventh album, and it’s the most focused statement of their career. It’s swirling and immersive, dialing up their shoegaze influence to build every song to an enveloping world of sound. It’s the perfect album to crank up my headphones and get lost in and Beach House is the perfect band to deliver that kind of album. It mines all the peaks of their previous records and melds them into one massive record that so consistently aims at my musical pleasure center that it seems a bit unfair to all other acts. I’m so glad that they found they way back, and that the way still points upward.

[thefictionfairy]

Writing Update (3/18/18)

I’m trying to put myself on a much more regular writing schedule, attempting to turn writing into a steady habit instead of something that happens a) only when inspiration strikes or b) when I have some kind of submission deadline looming in less than 48 hours. Hopefully semi-regularly tracking my progress publicly will help me stay motivated. I figured Sunday nights to recap the previous week and plan for the next were a good idea.

These updates will mostly be for my own benefit, so I’m putting the nitty-gritty under a read more so as not to bore people.

Current Projects: 3

Untitled Captain America Reverse Big Bang Fic (UCARBB)

The Opposite of Dying (TOOD)

To the Waters and the Wild (TTWATW)

(Tentative) Upcoming Projects: 5

Untitled Captain America “Groundhog Day”-style fic (because I’m a sucker for that plot)

Untitled Inhumans revisitation (...but, like, good)

Untitled Crimson Peak revisitation (more lesbian tension because c’mon)

Untitled “Eye of the Beholder” inspired Jessica Jones AU (will be credited as “inspired by” with a link to the original on Ao3)

Untitled Doctor Who original flavor, “weekly-episode” style fic (Harry Potter crossover)

Projects On Hiatus: None.

Untitled Captain America Reverse Big Bang Fic: An MCU/Captain America fic for a community challenge based on a lovely piece of fanart. Currently top priority as it is the only project with an external deadline. A Steve, Natasha, and Bucky character study with meta elements to the plot.

Draft: Outline

Current Word Count: 0

Word Count Goal: 5,000

Percent Word Count Completion: 0%

Deadline: May 19 (Saturday) - 62 Days Remaining

Notes: I have settled on a premise and begun very vaguely imagining an outline, though I am missing some key connective tissue for the plot and have no discrete individual scenes sketched out as of yet. I have solid ideas for characterization for my main protagonists’ mindsets and emotional arcs, and a rough outline of the original antagonists. I know how it starts and ends.

This Week’s Goal: A completed outline of the full plot and individual scenes. At least 500 words in the rough draft. The weekly word count goals should go up as a) I will have finished the outline and will know where I’m going better and b) get into the swing of writing this particular fic.

The Opposite of Dying: A semi-abandoned multi-fandom roleplay posted to a private forum that I am hoping to revisit and begin writing again. A realistic take on the self-insert genre.

Draft: Rough Draft

Cumulative Word Count: 11,344

Current Word Count: 0

Word Count Goal: 200/week

Percent Word Count Completion: 0%

Deadline: 3/25 (Sunday) - 7 Days Remaining

Notes: Started back in mid 2016 with a goal of 200 words a week after about 4-5 years of existing as an oral epic poem between an irl friend and I. From the beginning it had a spotty updating schedule - I last worked on it in early 2017. I hope to pick it back up with a short weekly post as the story already exists fairly fully formed (though ongoing) in my head and my friend might strangle me with impatience otherwise.

This Week’s Goal: Reread and revise all previous posts to re-familiarize with the fic and so I can keep the tonal and stylistic flow consistent despite the hiatus.

To the Waters and the Wild: A semi-abandoned Harry Potter group roleplay on a private forum that I am hoping to revisit and begin writing again. A cast of OCs at Hogwarts.

Draft: Rough Draft

Cumulative (Personal) Word Count: 2,968

Current Word Count: 0

Word Count Goal: 200/week

Percent Word Count Completion: 0%

Deadline: 4/8 (Sunday) - 21 Days Remaining

Notes: Started back in mid 2015 as a roleplay between friends in which I set a personal goal of 800 words every 3 weeks. From the beginning it had a spotty updating schedule - trying to juggle a handful of different writers was difficult and I personally last worked on it in mid 2016. I hope to pick it back up and continue the story, which was roughly planned out to the end. Even if I can’t bait the others back in I’d like to finish my part.

This Week’s Goal: Reread and revise all previous posts to re-familiarize with the fic and so I can keep the tonal and stylistic flow consistent despite the hiatus   

Recap:

Current Projects: 3

Past Week’s Word Count: 0

Percentage of Past Week’s Goal Met: N/A

Upcoming Projects: 5 ideas for new fics, but I will not be starting on any of them until UCARBB is complete

Upcoming Week’s Goals: Full outline and individual scene roadmaps for UCARBB. Reread and revise all previous posts of both TOOD and TTWATW to re-familiarize with the fics and so I can keep the tonal and stylistic flow consistent despite the hiatus.

Projected Week’s Wordcount: 500 new words (all for UCARBB)