#but my fear of being ugly IS. i think. mostly gone

[bassiter2]

my mental/existential dysphoria is so abstract and gnarled that, as i've become less vain and obsessed with my own appearance in the past year, and basically phased that out of being part of my whole brand, i've genuinely felt like a more real person. i still put effort into my appearance/outfits and have a sense of superiority about it, but leaving behind the habit of taking selfies all the time genuinely feels so right. not bc it's inherently bad or anything, but just bc i think that particular brand of self-obsession is a less Real trait. i think that even having the capacity to sometimes feel insecure about my appearance makes me more real. i'm even starting to kind of like the idea of getting a little ugly as i get old. bc then when someone finds me really beautiful even when i don't look like a model anymore, it'll actually feel special instead of like "of course you do, duh." and bc i'm not like fully consciously expecting everyone i interact with to think i'm gorgeous, now, when someone expresses something along those lines i actually feel complimented instead of just vaguely reinforced. i literally fantasize about being a 40something who says and fully believes "yeah haha i used to be a hot young thing" and then has someone tell me that i'm still hot. i want that so much more than i want to be conventionally hot anymore.

[evan4ever]

Better Than Me

Warnings: Angry distressed Kai, past memories of abuse, smut/sexual indications

a/n: mostly Kai’s perspective, flashbacks, might be kinda confusing sorryyyy

—

It’s been 3 months since Kai ended things with you. It was truly a selfless act, breaking up and kicking you out for your own safety. But it’s Kai, it never comes out that way.

“You don’t belong here”

“You don’t fit”

“You’re a liability”

“You could never amount to what this group needs”

“I don’t want you anymore”

Every word hurt. Sure, you weren’t as good at killing as the rest. You had a ways to go. But you tried your best and you figured Kai would teach you like he did the rest of the members. But instead, he kicked you to the curb. Didn’t even kill you like he would anyone else. Threw you out like you were nothing.

And you spent the last few months picking up the broken pieces of yourself and putting them back together. You never went back, Kai made it clear to stay the fuck away, that he didn’t want to see your face again and if he did, it would be ugly. You knew what he was capable of, so you stayed away at his request.

Kai, on the other hand, was a fucking mess. He was angrier than ever. Scarier. The members walked on eggshells around him. They didn’t understand why he broke up with you only to become even colder than before. If you truly made him as unhappy as he said, wouldn’t that mean with you being gone, he’d be better? Nicer? No, Kai wasn’t capable of being nice, they knew that. But they definitely expected anything but this.

It was late tonight. Kai ended the meeting and everyone went their own ways leaving Kai alone in the basement. Silence filled his ears, and that made his mind race. Memories filled within him. He was at his all time low, he hated everything around him, everyone around him that wasn’t you.

He looked around the empty room, his eyes landing on his empty, unmade bed and his heart instantly aching at the sight. 3 months ago, you would be in it. Ready for him to come to you, ready to take care of him after his stressful day and after every meeting. Now empty and sad looking.

• flashback •

“You’re kidding?!” You gasped in shock while laying in bed, your arms around Kai holding him to your chest while his arms were wrapped around your body.

“Not in the slightest.” He grinned to himself proudly. He had just told you what he had found out one of the members had done.

“And then what?” You urged him to continue while one of your hands fingered through his hair gently, soothingly.

“I killed him, of course. Couldn’t have a big mouth running around the city like that.” He shrugged against your body, snuggling into you more which allowed you to wrap your free hand around him tighter. This was normal for you two, always ending your night talking about the happenings that the day held. You loved hearing him tell you all about his day, and he loved how interested you always were. It was so comfortable that it became a routine.

“Never. How’d you kill him?” You tilted your head, interested in all the details. Another thing Kai loved about you — you wanted to know everything. You wanted to know the most gruesome details and it was empowering to him. Maybe the fact that you talked him up. You always fueled his ego and he fucking loved it.

“My bare hands, baby. The worst way to go, don’t you think?” He moved his head back a bit so he could look up to you, your eyes immediately looking down to meet his.

“Oh yeah. Watching as the man before you holds any air from your lungs, feeling that fear fill your body with every attempted gasp, knowing your life is coming to an end and being dragged out for minutes? The worst.” You explained your take on suffocating, not that you’d know for sure but how you’d imagine it. “And you, watching the life slowly slip away from your victim, the one who went behind your back and threatened everything you’ve worked so hard for? There’s no other way to do it.”

Kai smiled up at you, his head tilting to the side now as he admired his beautiful freak. All he could think was how did he get so lucky? You were never scared of him, and that was a win, because he knew the others were. No, you stood proudly as his side through every kill, every fight, every torture. You were a goddamn godsend.

• end of flashback •

Kai’s jaw clenched hard as he shook the memory from his head, his hands running through his hair and down his face trying to wipe all the feelings that came rushing back. This has been happening for awhile now. He did so good in the beginning, not thinking about you or what he had with you. But as time went by, memories began flooding him and despite his hardest efforts to keep them away, he was no match, and all he could do was keep trying.

He let out a small huff before finally making his way to his desk. He needed to find some documents, that was on his agenda for the day and something that had been discussed during the meeting, so he figured that would keep him occupied considering he had no idea where the fuck he put them last. Most of the important papers and documents and files were always placed on or in his desk somewhere, so it was a start. He began flipping through all the papers that were spread across the top of the desk, picking through them as he eyed each one for the title, but found nothing. He opened drawer after drawer repeating his previous actions, picking through everything within each drawer and slamming each one shut when he still failed to find what he needed.

He opened the last drawer and immediately stood up straight from his crouching stance, swallowing hard as he stared down at what was now in front of him. Pictures. He nearly forgot how to breathe as he remembered taking them and hiding them from you so you wouldn’t take them when you packed your belongings to leave. Each one a picture of the two of you. From selfies you took of you alone, selfies you took with him, Polaroids he took of you, pictures of you two together that someone else, likely Winter, took. They filled the entire drawer alone.

He didn’t know exactly why he took them. He was supposed to let you go, but for some reason he couldn’t bare the thought of not having some kind of reminder of your relationship. He couldn’t bare the thought of you taking the pictures just to throw them away or burn them with your memory of him. So he took them and hid them from you, pretending not to know where they were when you asked before you left.

And now, as he stared down at them, he felt the rage build. He pulled one from the pile and gazed down at it as another memory filled his head. The picture was a selfie you had taken of yourself and him at the mall, your arms around him and kissing his cheek so aggressively. He chuckled at it, remembering how happy he was in that moment. You brought him to Victoria’s Secret so he could pick out a new lingerie piece for you, you wanting him to pick out his very favorite.

• flashback •

“Come onnn..” you urged, pulling him with you into the overly feminine store. Kai groaned but allowed you to pull him and guide him around. He was disgusted by the amount of estrogen the place was filled with, but was happy seeing your wide smile and hearing your occasional giggles. Not to mention, knowing he’d get to fuck you in whatever he picked out later was a bonus. “Okay! Pick anything you like. What do you want to see me in?”

Kai looked around at the multiple sets in front of him, eyeing them intensely trying to imagine you in every piece. Each one sexier than the previous and making him hard just thinking about you in them. “This one.” He grabbed the deep navy blue set, of course being the most revealing. You grinned and took it from him before taking his hand again and leading him to the dressing rooms, entering one while he stood in front of the now closed door. Kai shoved his hands in his pocket and swatted uncomfortable while he waited for you, avoiding any and all eye contact from other females in the area.

“Okay, almost done… okay! Ready?” Kai hummed a response to you, his eyes flickering to the door as you opened it so he could see you from inside. His eyes went wide when he saw you, not yet taking in the set on your body but because others might be able to see you, quickly entering the dressing room and closing the door behind him. You took a step back a bit confused, your eyebrows furrowing while you stare at him. “Wha—“

“Someone could’ve seen you.” He cut you off, almost angrily. You tilted your head a bit, but he continued. “You’re for my eyes only.” His eyes darkened then as they traveled down your almost naked body hungrily, a low groan escaping from his throat. You pressed your lips together tightly while you gazed up at him through your lashes seductively.

“Well then, what do you think? Is this the one?” You questioned, doing a quick turn around for him so he could take in every angle. He watched, his eyes never leaving your body.

“I think I need to fuck you right here, right now” he practically growled, grabbing your hips and pulling you to him only to back you up against the wall, his lips on yours roughly, wasting no time in pulling his pants and boxers down enough to release his member so he could fuck you hard against the dressing room wall, no mercy or care for the other beings that could hear.

• end flashback •

Kai remembered the way you felt, the way you tasted and the way you sounded so perfect. If there was one memory he didn’t want to lose, it was that one. The ecstatic feeling, the adrenaline, and laughing as you were kicked out. He smiled when he thought about the fact that you dressed yourself with the lingerie still on, running out as you were both screamed at. You got a free lingerie set and he got one of the best fucks of his life out of it.

He set the picture down gently on top of the desk over the other papers, sucking in a sharp breath as he rested his palms on the desk and leaned on them. His eyes closed as he once again tried ridding himself of the thought of you, but to no avail. You were stuck there like a sliver embedded in his heart. He told himself over and over that he wouldn’t miss you, but if a lie alone could kill, he’d be dead and buried 6 feet under.

The harder he tried to stop thinking about you, the more memories flooded. Your hair in his face, the way your innocence tasted, the bed he laid in at night getting colder and the constant pretending that he could ever forget you. It was like a tornado in his head at this point, the picture of you in his head finally pushing him over the edge.

The little switch in his mind flipped and Kai lost it, swiping all of the papers and items off of his desk sending them crashing to the floor before grabbing the desk and flipping it easily with a loud thud as it broke into pieces on the ground.

“Fuck!” He screamed, kicking the pieces of wood multiple times before turning and punching his wall, his fist going straight through it. He pulled it back and gazed down at it, his fist now bloodied. His jaw clenched at the painfully good feeling it gave him, immediately throwing his fist into the wall again making a new hole. Then again, and again, and again.

He pulled himself back, already out of breath but needing to break more shit. He grabbed on of the broken legs of the desk and turned around, swinging it into the TV that was placed on a TV stand and sending it flying, beginning to beat the TV stand next before kicking it as well. He grabbed his computer and flung it into the wall with another loud crash, grabbed his nightstand lamp and threw it into another wall next.

Everyone could hear from above him, but no one dared to check on him or interfere, for fear of their life. Not even when you had entered the home and made your way to the basement. Some wanted to object, tell you that you were making a mistake by going down there, that you were the last person he would want to see. But everyone stayed silent and watched you disappear behind the basement door.

You could hear the crashing and the pained screams from Kai. Your heart hurt even though you had no idea what this fit of rage was about, definitely not thinking it was about you. You had came back after all these months because you had forgotten a few of your belongings and it took all this time to get the nerve to go redeem them. You wouldn’t bother if they weren’t important, but you needed them. And walking in on a silent house full of quiet people only sharing glances at one another before your ears filled with the muffled noises from below and deciding to check on him.

You still loved him, therefore if it killed you to make sure he was alright, so be it.

But just as you turned the corner to find him, you were nearly struck with the bedside table that Kai had just throw, a gasp leaving your mouth as you ducked and nearly hit the floor to avoid being hit. You blinked a few times before bringing yourself back to your feet carefully, your eyebrows raising high as you saw the state of the room. Everything was broken. Glass was shattered. And when your eyes landed on Kai, your heart sunk. Both of his hands bloody and bruised. It took everything to finally lift your eyes to his, his already on you.

Though they weren’t angry. They didn’t hold an ounce of anger in seeing you. No, they were full of surprise and despair.

He was broken.

But why? Surely it couldn’t be over your relationship ending. He was the one who ended it, after all.

“Why are you here?” He finally spoke, clearing his throat and recomposing himself so he was standing straight, trying his best to look intimidating. But you weren’t intimidated. You were just worried.

“I forgot some things..” you began slowly, looking around the mess of a room again before clearing your throat and wrapping yourself in your own arms, “I was just going to grab them and go..” you nodded. “Are you okay?” You whispered out after a few moments of silence, Kai’s eyes quickly looking away from yours.

“Fine. Get what you need and go.” He waved you off as he turned to his bed and stood before it. You watched him carefully, deciding to slowly make your way to him when he didn’t move another muscle. He heard your shuffling of each footstep and felt your presence grow closer, and he wanted to tell you not to touch him, to fucking leave him alone, but he couldn’t get it out. He was desperate to feel you.

When he didn’t move or object your closeness, you slowly raised your hand and rested it on his shoulder. He tensed under it, but quickly relaxed and that was your sign that he was allowing you to comfort him. You rested your other hand on his other shoulder and gently rubbed down his biceps and back up. Within some minutes, he relaxed his body more into your touch, allowing himself to lean back into you. You rested your head on his back, continuing to comfort him.

It felt so good to feel him again, and him feel you. The last 3 months have been nothing but hell for you both and this was all you needed. Kai silently cursed at himself for giving in and not sticking to his word. But he needed to feel you again.

You slipped your arms underneath his and allowed yourself to hug him from behind, his head falling back slightly as he held your arms tightly to him. His eyes were fixated on the ceiling as his mind raced, knowing this was the last thing either of you should be doing.

He felt so guilty. You were so good, good to him, good for him — and he was so bad. Bad for you. He knew that, and he hated that you couldn’t see it and he couldn’t make you.

You heard him let out a big sigh but didn’t move from your position.

“You deserve much better than me.” He spoke quietly. You swallowed hard at his words, but only hugged him tighter.

Maybe so. But you didn’t care. You loved him, you needed him.

��

Tags: @evanpetersmood @witchsbitchestime @demxnicprxncess @yes-divine-ruler @shjjpm @evanpsrealwife @iruzias @jangsuzchap @quicksilversg1rl l @submissiveforahsmen @angelmenace @lovelizzie-blog1 @justa19 @daylas-life @simp4petermaximoff @totta69

[joannerowling]

thoughts on The Casual Vacancy?

I love The Casual Vacancy, though i haven't read it in a long time! One of my strongest memories of it is reading the ending while on holiday at the beach and running to hide in my small camping tent because i didn't want people to see me crying 🤣

It's a book that stands on its own, but my favourite way to read it (and i don't know how JKR would feel about this; hopefully not too bad!) is as a continuity of HP's themes. You often see criticism these days about how, at the end of Harry Potter, "nothing has changed". Voldemort is gone, but the structure of the world is the same: there's the Ministry, there's the school with all its four houses. The fight against corruption at the Ministry and to change mentalities about the Muggle born is implied, but not clearly stated, and the way to get there is skipped over. This is an ending fit for children, but as an adult (and Harry Potter is narratively constructed to accompany the child in their journey towards adulthood; you are meant to finish Deathly Hallows in a significantly different state of mind than you did when you started Sorcerer's Stone), you would be tempted to ask, "but is it that simple though? Is the evil truly vainquished?"

Well imo The Casual Vacancy addresses that question full on, and brutally. It's like Jo was like, "alright, now you are all adults. Here's how shit happens in real life."

The story starts by killing the hero off in a cruel and undignified way. Barry Fairbrother is obviously a cheeky nod at Harry, but beyond that, he is almost stereotypically "heroic" with JKR's standards in mind: physically, he has the ginger hair - JKR is very fond of redheads -, the small unassuming but still athletic stature, simple clothing and "kind" face; socially, he comes from poverty - lived in a caravan at some point with his siblings and only his mother in the picture - but thanks to a combinaison of good support and social policies, managed to escape it and now gives back to the community by being politically involved. He's also a good husband and father, can relate with teenagers, has a sense of humour that puts people at ease, etc. He's basically the Lily Potter / Margot Bamborough of TCV, but unlike them, he isn't assassinated, his death is all natural. In TCV, life is just unfair like that. The evil can't be killed because it's not a person, it's intangible and yet very real. It's the greed of the Pagford inhabitants, the fear of the other, the violence of poverty. The characters who have been dealt a bad hand don't get to escape just because you like them.

In Harry Potter we mostly follow the story from a unique perspective. In TCV, everyone gets their share of the narrative, which means all the private frustrations, all the ugliness which were previously only implied in HP are fully disclosed. Wives are disatisfied with their husbands and secretly fantasise about teenage boys band members, husbands cheat with neighbours or colleagues, kids ressent their parents for fair or unfair reasons, self-harm or harm others in retaliation. Everyone is acting for selfish reasons far more than for the common good, even in the camp of those trying to do good. There's rape and drug addiction and racism and child abuse. It's all very, very raw and bleak.

What's to be taken from this is, i think, that JKR is not a person who believes in systems or would rely entirely on them to guarantee fairness in society. The novel is in a very real sense a plea for socialism, and the policies Barry Fairbrother fights for are good and just and work, but he is also fatally alone in his dedication, and when he dies it all falls apart. Of the novel, JKR said:

"This is a book about responsibility. In the minor sense—how responsible we are for our own personal happiness, and where we find ourselves in life—but in the macro sense also, of course: how responsible we are for the poor, the disadvantaged, other people’s misery."

And indeed in the story, most characters don't want to take on the responsibility Barry was shouldering, or they want it out of greed. And that is a very adult topic, isn't it? That is in fact the definition of accomplished adulthood: being responsible for your actions, taking charge of things when they must be done. Anyway, i really like that contrast with HP (as the quintessential "growing up" series) and that connection between the two.

[elliesdin0saur]

Joel's first and last letter to Ellie...

Dear Ellie,

I hope this letter finds its way to you, though I doubt I'll ever have the courage to actually give it to you. I've been meaning to write down these thoughts for a while now, but every time I pick up the pen, my hand hesitates. There's so much I want to say, but I fear the words won't capture what I truly feel.

These past few months haven't been easy for either of us. I know we've been distant, and it's partly my fault. Hell, it's mostly my fault. I've been carrying the weight of the past, the choices I made, and it's been eating at me. I can see it in your eyes, the hurt, the disappointment, and I can't stand the thought of being the cause of that pain.

I remember the first time I saw you, a scared and determined kid with fire in your eyes. You reminded me so much of Sarah, and I couldn't bear the thought of losing someone else. That's why I made the choices I did – I wanted to protect you, to spare you the pain that I've carried for so long. But looking back, I see that I might have gone about it all wrong.

I want you to know that even when we're not on the best terms, it doesn't change how much I care about you. You mean more to me than words can express. I see so much of myself in you, Ellie, and it scares me sometimes. I want to protect you from the world, from the darkness that I've seen, but I also know that you're stronger than I ever was.

I've made mistakes, plenty of them, and I've hurt people along the way. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that holding onto anger and regret only brings more pain. I'm not asking for forgiveness; I just want you to understand that everything I've done, I did with the intention of keeping you safe.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, haunted by the choices I've made, the lives I've taken. I've wanted to shield you from the darkness, but in doing so, I've pushed you away. I hope you can understand that everything I did, I did out of love. It might not excuse my actions, but it's the truth.

You've grown into such a strong, resilient person, and I'm proud of the woman you've become. You don't need me to protect you anymore, and maybe that's what scares me the most. I see so much of myself in you, and it terrifies me to think that you might follow in my footsteps.

I never meant to be the cause of your pain, Ellie. If I could turn back time, I'd do things differently, but life doesn't work that way. I've been carrying this letter around, unsure if I'll ever have the courage to give it to you. Maybe it's just my way of trying to make amends, to bridge the gap between us.

No matter what happens between us, remember that you're not alone. You have a strength in you that can weather any storm. Life can be cruel and unforgiving, but you don't have to face it alone. I'm sorry for the distance between us, and I hope you find the courage to forgive an old man who cares about you more than he'll ever admit.

Take care of yourself Ellie.

Love, Joel.

==

small drabble I made... god I miss that guy, going to cry ugly now...

[basuralindo]

You'll Have Me Rise ch.19 is up!

Content warnings for nongraphic discussion of animal death, relatively graphic arachnophobia, mentions of family death and funerals.

Editing by @kamikazequail

And as always, commentary under the cut

-Yeah Jamil just walked straight into that pickup line completely unaware… Jade's never gonna let him live it down, if anyone ever tells him.

-Jade hides his emotions as well as he wants to when he's prepared, but have you noticed he's totally transparent when caught off guard in canon? I think he'd be more obvious than expected if something he wasn't prepared for made him uncomfortable.

-Yugioh voice: "You've activated Jade's special interest! You must stand by and listen to nature facts for a full hour." 

-Yeah Jade totally picked blue for poison specifically because it's such a universally innocuous color

-Jade: "Yeah I got whosits and whatsits galore" *opens door to reveal a horde of roadkill and mold*. Rizz game like no other

-tbh I just love slime mold and wanted to bring up slime molds because they're so fucking cool <3

-Oh btw, another fun psychology thing: If someone has a lot of stressors that they can't control or afford to be afraid of, the repressed terror can manifest as really intense irrational fears to things that are safer to avoid. For example, Jamil can't do anything about his situation and the risks and pressure involved, but he can absolutely obliterate a bug with very little repercussion. I feel like that phenomenon explains the level of fear he has with bugs in canon tbh.

-I also just really love bugs and didn't want Jamil killing them for character accuracy, so I've inserted Jade as protection. 

-I might go into this more in some other post but like, I love the contrast of classic fishtail mermaids in their reef environments vs deep sea monster mermaids. There's just so much room to build on the potential cultures surrounding that.

-Did I need to go on a tangent about mermaid funerals? Will the details ever be plot relevant? Probably not. But hey, world building. (I'm considering Azul keeping a locket with his stepdad's teeth)

-!!! I've been waiting to drop more info about the tweels parents! Anyway, it's a personal headcanon that the twins' social issues developed in response to being involved in mob violence early on. Too much ugliness to handle as kids, and they both kinda broke in opposite ways. Also kinda ties into their unique magic imo: Floyd being expected to handle himself in a fight and needing a defense, and Jade needing a more efficient way to extract info from people. 

-I could go on a whole ramble about my ideas for the Leech parents, but the short of it is that I think Jade and Floyd each picked up some personality quirks from the parent they were around more, but mostly developed emotional responses to balance out each parent's behavior (ie: reserved, observant, and meticulous in response to unpredictable emotional outbursts, vs emotional instability and exaggerated emotional reactions in response to emotional neglect and under-reactivity), hence the two comparing each other to opposite parents last time it was brought up. It also resulted in them balancing out each other's dispositions, leading to the kinda codependent dynamic they have as adults. I think they'd both feel like they specifically came out wrong as a result too. Like, Floyd believing he should be more pragmatic and levelheaded like Jade (like his mom wanted), and Jade feeling like he's too far gone and distant to connect with other people the way Floyd does.

-Mind games can be a form of foreplay, if you're tedious enough.

-I think Jade and Jamil would have similar ways of showing insecurity, Jamil's just more flexible about it. Jade, meanwhile, has ensured a position where he doesn't have to relinquish control unless he chooses to

-Will these people ever make out with Jamil in a normal location? The world may never know.

[nightowl33art]

Old recording found.

Since I'm meeting my new therapist tomorrow, I decided to sort my evidence and update anything important. While looking through voice recordings, I found a nearly 23 minute long monologue from Dionysus on August 23, 2023. I listened to the whole thing. Couldn't find it in written form anywhere so I assume he said it all on the spot. I feel bad. You can really hear the pain in his voice. He sounded awful. I do not remember this recording, nor do I remember what upset him so bad. It appears though that this was around his first fronting session after figuring out he was his own. I've decided to transcribe it because it hits hard. Mostly accurate.

"I've encountered a lot of terrifying things in my life. Some more terrific than others. Some things strike more fear into my heart than others. But none, I believe, are quite as terrifying as the man in my DNA. The thing that contributed to my very being... somehow a monster in my own house... at least once.

Growing up, I was scared. Home was a war zone and you weren't ever fully safe. Not when he was around. Not when he wanted you. Somehow.. somehow, he gained so much power, that he took the very essentials- the things that made you- the fundamentals of your very being, and he twisted it into an ugly mush. Now I'm stuck with that mush for my whole life.

I look at it. Sometimes I let it consume me, and I'm scared when it does. I'm consumed by the fear. The one swift motion, and my entire body tenses up. I'm scared once again. Then I forget it all. I forget it happens. I can't remember how I felt until it's too late, and the cycle repeats. I feel the same terror over and over. It never quite sticks.

I'm always fearing him. I'm always a bit scared. More importantly, because of the way he twisted my entire life into an ugly mess- the way he made my beliefs built on lies, deception, manipulation at every corner.

I sit here with hatred. A seething, burning hatred. So much that it'll burn every bit of my being. A fire so big, soul-raging, that I don't know what to do with it. And so it splits, into someone else, in a different part of the mind. That rage can be its own thing. It doesn't have to be anyone else.

I wonder where you'll end up some years from now. Where will you be when you get older? What do you want to do when you grow up? Lord I never knew. Until I did. The very purpose of my life came to me one night. I don't know where, or when, or why exactly, but I knew I was to be an entertainer. I would make everyone happy. And I would make myself happy doing just that. It didn't matter the rhyme, the reason, the meaning, the medium, or necessarily even the time. I just knew that I would.

I'm afraid. Is it wrong to be afraid? Shadows.. shadows aren't terrifying at all. Little things you used to fear, thinking ghosts were real and monsters lurked out there. None of them could compare... to the monster at home. It makes you wonder. How such a person can even exist. How can such a cruel man be real? I can't exactly remember the last time I felt this way. I just know I have. And at this point, I'm tired. We're all very tired and we want it to stop. It hurts our head. It hurts our body. We're anxious.

I saw him complaining to me, about her, but I could feel my body, the anxiety coursing through. I could feel my heart pick up. I could tell I needed to breathe more air. But I couldn't break until he was gone. So I stare at him, agreeable, manageable, quiet, frowning, maybe a little depressed sounding. But whatever you want, whatever you say, just to get him out. It feels nice when he leaves. You feel free again, you can breathe again, when he exits out that door. And you can safely lock it behind him.

What did I do? I didn't do anything to deserve this pain, this torment. Yet I live in anguish. This much he says and he doesn't... this is torture. This is real life and it's a waking nightmare with him around. This is scarier than anything I think I could dream up. Just about anything.

I think one of the only things that could be scarier than this, is losing absolutely everything I have to him. And I'd have to relinquish control, what little control I have over my own life right now, to him. I don't want to be his puppet. I don't want to lose what I have. I might not have all the [?], but I have something. I've gotten a taste of freedom. It tasted pretty good. I don't wanna go numb and empty. I don't wanna feel dead in there anymore. I'm tired of feeling helpless, alone in a sense, trapped in this maze, this prison, forever. I want to get out so badly. I want to escape. It's all so close and yet so far away.

But I can get there. Cause as much as he calls me frail and weak, I'm a lot stronger than he thinks. I'm a lot tougher than he thinks I am.

It's true, I don't know everything. But neither does he. And I doubt that he knows everything. He acts like he knows best. He's a weathered, traveled, experienced man who knows exactly what makes the world go round, what makes it work. But I've spoken to other people, I've seen things. I don't think that's quite how it works. I just have to learn not to be afraid of what's out there. To step out and take that dive. Cause if I get too scared, if I clamp up, I'm gonna be stuck with him. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he'll be controlling me, just as he's always wanted to do.

I don't get it. I don't get what's with him. It's probably the narcissism, if I'm honest. So full of himself, so manipulative, he doesn't care. He can't see. And he says he cares... he says he does all this stuff because he loves us... Why would you threaten to kick your kid out if you loved them?

I don't know what love is. I sure as hell know it's not that- it can't be that. Love is real care, understanding. You might not know how someone ticks exactly, but you'll at least try to learn. You care about their well being, but you don't do it on a superficial level.

You never took the time to get to know us. And now, even when you try, you won't get in. Cause we've learned, we know better by now. We don't trust you, we don't like you, we don't love you, but that's your own fault.

I don't know when I'll get out of here, but I know I will. Cause that's what I've been aiming for ever since I've figured it out. This dream, it ain't right. This isn't how it's supposed to be in a normal, loving family.

I don't know. I don't know if I wanna think my father loves me for real, as much as it is that he loves the idea of what I could be. Cause if I'm not a trophy, if I ain't fit to be a bragging right, what good am I? Instead we disappoint, we disgust, we make him sad. And I just don't CARE if you're sad, I don't care if you're disappointed. I've grown past that at this point. It used to hurt hearing those things but I got over it. Cause I figured it out. It's not worth it. It doesn't matter what you want, it don't matter what you like.

I'm not saying I'm gonna go out there, get a tattoo, gamble my savings away. Although it sure would be funny, gambling all his money for me away after he dies. I know better. I don't plan on any of that. But his way doesn't have to be the right way. Doesn't have to be the only way. I know a lot of things are obscured, and I can't see everything completely. A lot of this looks invisible to me because of the way I was raised. But I know there are more ways than one. I know there's other ways to live life. They aren't in his book.

I wanna explore. I wanna go out on my own. I don't wanna be tied down by some madman who only really thinks of himself. He says it's for our good, he says it's cause he loves us. I don't understand how love can twist you so horribly. You're just a narcissist and you're just selfish. If you ain't a narcissist, you're awful narcissistic-like. And it hurts and I wish you'd see how much it hurts. How draining it is to be nearby you. How painful it is, in a sense, to be you.

I didn't ask to be born. And yet because I am born, I have to suffer the consequences of it. I have to live a life of threats and fear, because half of my DNA is his. And he's too stupidly stubborn and "loving" to let us go. To kick us out, to disown us all already. He's so stupid. He doesn't realize... he thinks he's the smartest guy in the world. Makes my head spin.

I don't understand everything. I don't know if I ever will understand. The brain wants to rationalize, but... there isn't much to rationalize about here. He's just... so into himself. That's just how it is. And I'm left alone with my thoughts. The other men that aren't quite me. We're here for each other. At least we're not him.

Cause one day he's gonna get what's coming to him. He's gonna be left in the dust. And maybe, maybe just maybe, I'll never have to speak to him again. That'll be a great, joyous day. No matter how it goes, I'm gonna celebrate that goddamn event. Whether it's big and loud, or quiet. Whether I'm scared from it, or I'm empowered, either way: I'm free. And I can breathe. And finally... I can heal. The nightmare has ended. The pain, the torment, will go away.

It's just a matter of time and determination. Finding the right opportunities to make a move. And he won't know till it's too late. And his pawn will be gone. I'm gonna learn, I'm gonna make my mistakes, I'm gonna get my hands dirty. But it's all gonna be me. No one else can influence those decisions. If we wanna do what we wanna do, then we're gonna do it.

Perhaps I'll celebrate when you keel over. Life will be better when we're out of your picture. Cause we can't move you, but we can certainly get around you. You try to block the exist door. You try to cover it in curtains and couches. You try to take that very thing away from us. There's always another way around. And you can't stop me from getting my justice. And if all that is is getting out of here, then by golly, let it be. This is not the end. I will get out of here. And when I do, life's gonna be lovely, I just know it."

[bellatrixobsessed1]

A Dark Path

Part of my goth fic anthology thing. The theme is bats because I like them. I am legally obligated to open this anthology with bats.

Summary: Azula, cracking under the pressure of business, law school and isolation, decides instead to become a chiropterologist and study bats with Mai. 

They are social creatures, bats are. They take to the night on leathery wings. They are never lonely. How can they be when there are so many of them? They fill the darkening sky, a thick, flapping cloud. Silhouetted against a vivid gold-orange backdrop they go about their business. And they go about it with support and companionship.

She has to go about hers in solitude, underloved and underhelped. 

Tonight’s business is a few shots of coffee and a thesis statement to finish. Father, a year or two gone from her life, still infringes on her life. His voice in her head accompanies her on most of her endeavors and leaves her feeling thrice as lonely as she would without it. It pushes her and urges her to work harder when she is already expending as much energy as she possibly can. She is already drained and dull from a workload that reaps all of her energy from her. And still his voice berates her.

It tells her that her new piercings and tattoos are ugly. 

That she wouldn’t have defiled herself so if she had, had a stable relationship with him. She is just as sorry and depressing to observe as anyone else from the leather and stud crowd that she now runs with.

The loudly droning guitars and the bassy vocals at rock shows nestled deep within obscured, unsuspecting alleys help to drown his voice out. The flashing lights and neon fishnet stockings of cybergoth shows in abandoned factories blind expectations away. The latter isn’t particularly her scene but Toph and Teo rather enjoy that. The former is more to her liking she and Mai frequent those shows. Date nights are spent under clouds of cigarette smoke and gloomy lyrics played in minor keys. Mai vows to join the ranks of June and the Rough Rhinos in the music world. 

Azula has her doubts about that, but she keeps them to herself. She doesn’t think that anyone is going anywhere anytime soon. 

They don’t have wings like the bats do. 

They can’t fly away from the oppressive chains of Caldera City. 

She studies bats in her spare time. 

They are fascinating creatures. 

Misunderstood creatures. 

That is, perhaps, their allure. They are quiet for the most part. They aren’t vicious or aggressive, mostly they keep to their own. And yet people see fit to make up all sorts of rumors and horror stories about them. 

hey see fit to fear them.  

Father says that it is a waste of time. That she can devote her studying to things that actually matter, things that will create a future for her.  Business and economics, politics and public speaking. Law school.

These things hold their appeal, particularly in paycheck. But they are grueling and they have stolen away her childhood and social life. Business and economics are dreadfully boring, they make her boring and unrelatable. Sure she enjoys the analytics and the challenges that the subjects provide her mind with, but numbers and graphs become monotonous and after a while she is practically doing the same thing over and over again. 

Law school got mighty depressing really quickly. She enjoyed the challenges and the intellect but listening to countless stories of people being victimized, sometimes violently had begun to take its toll. The world became hideous and horrible. Father had berated her for her sensitivity--he had thought that she was stronger than that. And she had already wasted time switching majors once. 

Politics, public speaking had been enjoyable for quite a long time. She had enjoyed the way that it stimulated her mind. Enjoyed the ways that politics and public speaking have allowed her to demonstrate her talents. 

Father was proud and he stayed proud for years, endorsing her and sponsoring her although she hadn't particularly needed his support. Her speeches, her debates, her merit, and motivation were elevating her status on their own. 

But politics and public speech had broken her. After several years in the field smear campaigns and general stressors--oppressive expectations among them--have done their part to tear her apart. Ripping at her self-esteem and confidence until she couldn't recognize herself. 

And where was father? 

Overseas.

Pretending like he didn't know the situation and like he didn't know her. Crying and shaking...panic attacks? Couldn't be his Azula. His level-headed, calculated Azula. 

She supposes that, in due time. She could have recovered. Could have spun it in a way that makes her seem qualified to represent citizens of Caldera City; she can empathize, she understands mental strife and the importance of alleviating it. She could have built herself back up. Eventually Father would forget that blight on her track record, that speckle of imperfection.

But she couldn't. 

And there is a part of her that doesn't want to. 

She could her pushed forward, continued making a secure but hectic life for herself navigating the complexities of the political world. And maybe that would have suited her. Politics and lies are so heavily intwined. Empty promises and careful manipulations. That's all she is good for, so Zuko and uncle and damn near everyone else says... 

But she had grown tired if the noise. Tired of claws and fangs ready to dig in at the slightest misstep, slip up, or sign of mental distress. That is the games. A mess of tigers and jaguars waiting to pounce. 

And so she has chosen wings and crinkly noses. She has chosen bats.  And she promises herself that this is her final decision, her final major career change. She will stop being so fickle and directionless. 

She tried not to be too terribly hard on herself given that she has been trying to shape her life around everything but her own thoughts and desires. Of course she had bounced from one ill-suited thing to the next. 

This...she looks up at the dusk horizon. This fits much better, it gives her a chance to nurture her mind, to analyze and hypothesize. To form theories and connect dots. It does so just as effectively and readily as any stock graph or spreadsheet could. But it does so in a way that enamors and entices her. 

Most of the bats have made their way away by now. A handful of them still linger, one or two of them have bright bands on their legs. With luck, those ones will bring back some migration pattern data for her to add to this thesis. 

"How's the thesis coming along?" Mai asks. 

"Well enough, I suppose. Have you gotten a chance to look at the newer data we've collected?" 

"A little bit, yes." She finds a seat next to Azula, her own collection of facial piercings catch in the sunlight. And when she waves her hand, the one on her index finger throws light right back at the sun. 

Azula tucks her notebook and pen back into her backpack. "I suppose I can call it a night." 

"I'll say. How many all nights have you pulled for this thing? I thought that yous said you wouldn't do that anymore." 

"I might as well, were already staying up late to go to those rock shows." 

"Thats leisure." Mai shrugs. "Doesn't take as much energy. There's a difference." 

"Tell that to Jet." 

The man had gotten well and knocked on his ass over a guitar pick after a night of moshing. 

"We stay away from that crowd." Mai shrugs. "Doesn't apply to us." 

Azula returns the shrug. "I disagree, this is much more relaxing." She lays back and watches as the last of the stragglers disappear into the night. "It's warm. Quiet too." She pauses. "And I enjoy watching the bats."  

"Fair enough. But just because they're nocturnal, doesn't mean that you are." 

"I've spent the night here before." 

"On purpose or by accident." Mai quirks a brow. 

"I might have fallen asleep last night." 

"So you've been here all day?" 

"I took a lunch break. But other than that, yes." 

Mai rolls her eyes. "I guess I can never say that you aren't dedicated." 

Azula fidget with the ruby bat pendant around her neck. Mai offers a slight smile, "you really like that pendant font you." 

She nods. "Yes. Thank you for getting it for me." Sometimes when she needs to she can curl her fingers around it and recall the night that it was given to her. The night that Mai used it to propose. 

That had been the final straw. That had been when father decided that he wanted nothing to do with her. Agni forbid she has any distractions at all from the career he hadn’t even wanted her to pursue. 

And, of course, it was all Mai’s fault. Mai is the one who showed up with a sleeve of skull tattoos and dyed hair and led her down this path. As if she couldn’t come to her own conclusions and make her own decisions. 

Evidently, the bats had done more to lead her astray; there is, she must say, an aesthetic pipeline from bats to what she is now. 

"Are we still thinking about a cave wedding?" 

"Absolutely." Mai replies. 

“Which one?” There are several that she has in mind, including the one right behind them. 

“We should go on a nationwide caving tour and then decide.” Mai replies. 

“Yes, I suppose that, that would be wise. I don’t think that size will matter. I can’t imagine that anyone from my family will show up.”

“Don’t say that.” Mai mumbles. “You and Zuko have been getting along well enough recently and Iroh will probably warm up to you after Zuko does.” 

“Perhaps.” Frankly she has gotten plenty used to being lonely, so much so that she is almost uncomfortable with the prospect of leaving her solitude. It is a somber place to be but it is familiar and someone has to stereotype the goths to make up for TyLee’s complete subversion. 

“You going to spend another night here or do you want to head home? I don’t think that the bats are going to be coming back anytime soon.”

“Eleven.” She informs Mai. “Usually these ones start to trickle back in at eleven, just before midnight. And then some of them will go out again for another hour or two.” At least that is the patter that she has been observing. And compared to other data, the behavior doesn’t seem to be atypical. 

“So are we just going to bat watch until midnight?”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad date. We can go pick up dinner and have a bat watching picnic. I can wrap up my thesis tonight and be done with it.”

“Alright, but only because that will give you more free time in the long run.”

Although it certainly isn’t what she had envisioned for herself at all, not even slightly, it isn’t a bad life, this new one that she has begun creating for herself. It is slower, she has time to appreciate it. Although her clothes have gotten darker, the rest of her life has become more vibrant. She finds that she can feel again. That she can live again. 

There is a bleak darkness to this lifestyle, but has nothing on the drab darkness of her old one. At least there is a romance, a poetry to this darkness. There is choice and freedom. 

And, really, she doesn’t mind the dark when there is moonlight that she can stand under, when the moon silhouettes leathery wings. 

Perhaps one day she won’t be so lonely. One day she’ll have company as abundant as the bats keep.

For now she has Mai and TyLee.

And goals that she actually has a passion for.

[nervoustragedyluminary]

31 Nonbinary trans man They/Them pronouns only. Only started medical transition at like 27/28 wish I could've started earlier in hindsight but it's never too late. Adding some of my experience:

The things that made me realise I should stop putting off starting transition were :

imagining getting old as opposed to assuming I'd die young/of suicide and thinking about the kind of old person I wanted to be and how I'd feel comfortable in old age and that was a dudely person

( even though old women are awesome and badass and beautiful;not that anyone has to be attractive to have worth and even 'ugly' old people are fucking beautiful and worthful - I'm just saying I know some terf is going to read this and be like "internalised misogyny detected! you only transitioned because the patriarchy hates and devalues older women" no piss off also lol if you think older trans people have it any easier than older cis people - educate yourself asshats)

I realised that the idea of aging into an old lady was the reason I was having difficulty with seeing a future for myself and that it was the 'lady' part that was an issue not the 'old' part because I didn't feel the same discomfort when I imagined myself aging as a nonbinary dude & was overall excited to reach 30

Another thing was realising that if I didn't like T or the effects or changed my mind or realised I'd been mistaken that I could stop taking it and that would be fine and not the end of the world due to listening to detransitioners and retransitioners who weren't transphobic & also to trans women and trans people who'd gone through T puberty and had that hormone making changes to their bodies for yonks but were still women nonbinary etc and the sky didn't fall

- there is a reason terfs and transphobes who don't want trans people to transition only focus on and platform the small pool of detransitioners who are mired in self hatred and talk about themselves as 'ruined beauties/ lost fertility who are worthless to the patriarchy and thus miserable now' - it's to fear monger "you can never go back to being a woman if you realise you're wrong after a single drop of T you're poisoned you'll be forever dEsTrOyEd and marked and miserable so don't even try to transition medically in the first place "

Because once I realised that was complete fear mongering BS I felt less scared of starting T and then when the sky didn't fall and I was actually HAPPIER and more chill (still never experienced the so called T rage and I'm starting to think it's mostly about the same amount of BS as 'hysteria' is Tbh) I was like "Oh, dang why did I wait so long hoping my dysphoria would go away 🤦this is actually helping it holy shit"

Before any medical transition changing my name and pronouns helped SO much, as did doing mascara mustaches and sideburns and cutting my hair short and binding heck I even realised Id worn satin boxers years ago before I even realised what trans was or that I could be trans before feeling embarrassed and stopping,

I wore the uniform pants at school and had short hair then I tried to overcompensate by doing (in hindsight very drag like) makeup and growing out pigtails and then I'd get sick of it and cut my hair again then feel bad because I was told I was "making yourself unattractive" - just oof

I swung back and forth like that for a while I got really into funky earrings and shaved my head and wore dresses and skirts or jeans and button ups and tank tops - I was trying so hard to figure out what kind of woman I was (tomboy, butch femme futch, goth, punk, hipster, hippie etc etc-it always cracks me up people saying transness is a replacement for counterculture fashions because trying them and flitting between the styles was in hindsight a way I repressed my transness/ I was trying to find anywhere else that I could fit and not have to admit to myself what was really going on was gender dysphoria - also there are trans ppl in all those 'subcultures' lol we've always been wherever people are because we are people too) and never quite feeling comfortable and I finally realised that I'm just not a woman, I'm not a binary man either though I do feel more comfortable aligning with transmasc these days. It didn't make me unlovable or a pariah - I did lose some shitty people Ngl but I'm better off and happier without them and I wouldn't trade who I am for the fake love of what felt like a cage I was trapped in

but yeah it's been a wild journey and idk maybe reading this will help someone on their own journey to realise it's not all the neat and tidy just so narratives the cis media gives you ecspecilly if you grew up when transness wasn't really talked about. It's your body not your parents' or your partners' or society's it's Your life to live and your decisions to make

Also TBC not medically transitioning/ having a "non normative" transition doesn't make you 'less trans'or whatever either truscum can fuck off, as I said its YOUR body not anyone else's

i feel like there’s a very skewed perception of trans men or transmascs being only teenagers who i guess magically grow out of being trans??? so if you’re over idk lets say 21, and youre a trans man/trans masc person, can you please reblog this and drop your age in the tags?

i’ll start- im 27

[rainbowuniversepageantsys]

Thoughtful Thursday!

If you owe someone an apology just find the courage inside to apologize. You look better when you are brave enough to admit you made a mistake because your mindset was not where you needed it to be. If you stay silent and don’t apologize you look really bad and that means you may be depicted as not being an honest person and you may be perceived as a fearful person who cannot handle the messiness of relationship foibles and fowls. When you watch a football game you can see those football players out in the field are strong, mostly well-built and muscular.

They are seen as men that can handle roughness and tumbling on the ground at pretty much every play and they are fighting against each other, competing to get points for touchdowns and yardage but their plays are not pretty. As much teamwork as they have, as popular as they are, as strong as they seem, they still make mistakes, some of the plays are ugly and they can get hurt pretty bad and make some costly mistakes. But when the next play or game comes around they get back up and do it all over again after the mistakes on the field. So remember your relationships with others will require you to compete for some metaphorical touchdowns and yardage and you may think you are strong in mind and heart to deal with whatever happens in that relationship but if you make a fumble and you can’t get back up and apologize for it and keep playing the game of love you may lose the person you are playing with.

So make sure you are aware that you can and will make mistakes and have an apology waiting on your lips, forming on your tongue, flowing out of your mouth into the other person’s heart so they can say “let’s play again, it’s no big deal, I forgive you.” The other day I was sitting outside minding my own business taking notes for work because when I am outside I think better, there is so much space and things just come to me as opposed to just sitting in a room behind a computer or at a desk. Fortunately, I have my own business so I can go wherever I want to work and not have to answer to anyone or check in with a boss. I am the boss and I love that.

So I was outside and this woman was behind me speaking Spanish very loud yelling at someone way ahead of her and she just stood there talking really loud. It was super rude. So I spoke up and I kindly asked her to please take her conversation elsewhere, she was too loud and she was being rude. She kept talking and I kept writing because I could tell I hurt her feelings and she as embarrassed. She was not being mindful of me sitting there needing peace and quiet. I was there for about an hour longer and by then she was gone to the other side of the courtyard. When I was about to get up and leave and go inside she came back over to me and said “I’m sorry about earlier.” And then she walked away. I was in shock. I said “whoa, did she just apologize to me for being rude?” Yes she did.

People have such a hard time doing this so I was shocked and that should not be the case. When we offend someone or mistreat them or disrespect them or make a mistake we should be quick to apologize so the person knows we didn’t really mean to do such a thing and we are sorry for it and the person looks at you differently. I saw something different in her and I had respect for her being so brave to come apologize to me. She didn’t even know me but she didn’t want to look bad and she wanted me to know she didn’t mean to do that. This is something we all must master so we can feel better about ourselves and have higher self-esteem and be confident about saying we are sorry when we make a mistake. It’s normal. It’s human. It’s life. Be thoughtful. Apologize.

[queerheaven]

1-100 bc why not

1. What is you middle name?

It's Margarida but I ate it

2. How old are you?

28 so old already 😭😭

3. When is your birthday?

It's in April if you wanna know the day you will have to DM

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Aries

5. What is your favorite color?

Bluuue

6. What’s your lucky number?

I don't think I have one

7. Do you have any pets?

Not anymore

8. Where are you from?

Portugal

9. How tall are you?

1,56cm 🙈

10. What shoe size are you?

37/38

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I'm afraid of counting them 😅

12. What was your last dream about?

The part I still remember was receiving a text i wasn't expecting

13. What talents do you have?

Being a disaster I guess

14. Are you psychic in any way?

No

15. Favorite song?

At the moment is Petit genie - Jungeli

16. Favorite movie?

Anything scary

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

I wouldn't know

18. Do you want children?

Depends on the day and if my nephew is being a pain on my butt

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Hell no

20. Are you religious?

No

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Of course!

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Mmm I don't think so?

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Yes multiple

24. Baths or showers?

Showers

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Grey

26. Have you ever been famous?

Hell no

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Nooo to shy for that

28. What type of music do you like?

I listen to almost anything but mostly reggaeton

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nopee

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Mmmm 2?

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Each day is different

32. How big is your house?

Normal?

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Just coffee

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

No

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No

36. Favorite clean word?

Porra

37. Favorite swear word?

Merda

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

2 days

39. Do you have any scars?

Small ones

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Not that I'm aware of

41. Are you a good liar?

No

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Used to be I was but was proven wrong

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Yes I can

44. Do you have a strong accent?

Nah

45. What is your favorite accent?

I don't think I have a favourite one

46. What is your personality type?

Messy

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Suits

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie

50. Left or right handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

No I'm not

52. Favorite food?

Chocolate

53. Favorite foreign food?

Chicken curry

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Can be both

55. Most used phrased?

accept it that it hurts less

56. Most used word?

No

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

10 minutes tops

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I don't think I do

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Bite

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Yes

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yes

62. Are you a good singer?

Fuck no

63. Biggest Fear?

Prefer not to talk about that one

64. Are you a gossip?

Kinda

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

I avoid those

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Long

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

No

68. Favorite school subject?

Arts

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Both

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No

71. What makes you nervous?

Women!!

72. Are you scared of the dark?

No

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

No in a mean way

74. Are you ticklish?

Only in one place

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

No

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

No

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Who didn't?

78. Have you ever done drugs?

No

79. Who was your first real crush?

Best friend

80. How many piercings do you have?

Only one

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Yed

82. How fast can you type?

Fast enough

83. How fast can you run?

Very slow

84. What color is your hair?

Ugly mix

85. What color is your eyes?

Grey/Blue

86. What are you allergic to?

Way to many things to be naming them here

87. Do you keep a journal?

No

88. What do your parents do?

Give me problems

89. Do you like your age?

It's what it is

90. What makes you angry?

Rude people

91. Do you like your own name?

Yes

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

No

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I don't know

94. What are you strengths?

Keep going

95. What are your weaknesses?

Pretend to use them against me?

96. How did you get your name?

My parents?

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

No

98. Do you have any scars?

Again?

99. Color of your bedspread?

Grey

100. Color of your room?

Blue

[ducknotinarow]

[Rasey 2k12] “You make me happy”

| Send you make me happy for my muses reaction

Raph had made sure to check it was just Casey and his sister inside, so he knocked on the window and Casey let him in seeming confused. Raph hadn't made any mentioned of dropping by to see him tonight after all. Raphael made his way in and gave no rhythm or reason for why he was here. Sure that the conclusion could drawn that something had gone wrong. That he had been spotted and needed to lie low a moment. Maybe he got hurt, Raph eyed Angel from behind his boyfriend and from Casey's look of confused concern and her smile at him being here. He smiled softly, before shifting green eyes over to Casey.

"An' what makes ya think I'm here for you, uh?" Raph questions towards his boyfriend playful smirk to his beak before he moves past them and makes way to Angel, kneeling down so he can have a better look at her. "I'm clearly here to see Angel. Jeez, can you believe him?" He's joking as he directs his attention to Angel now. He says gesturing with a bit of a nod of his head back towards Casey. "Man he's bein' lame again I take it?" Talking as if Casey wasn't standing in the room right now. But after a bit it was decided he was going to get roped into more 'salon' game of her well Casey was able to actually get some homework done. Nothing out of the norm Raph had helped out many times before. The only odd thing here was it wasn't planned or mentioned before.

Raph's whole mood seemed to shift the second he crawled through the window of the Jone's home. As he and Angel left, Raph let the feeling take him. It's why he came here somewhere he felt accepted, understood and mostly wanted. Angel seemed to like him plenty, enough to insist on painting his nails and such and well sometimes there was a bit of fight today when she went to set up her lip gloss as well asking about it he just shrugged "Go wild kid anything ya wanna do." Maybe it was a Jones thing he thought sitting down and letting her get to work. Sure Angel was a bit surprised the first time she saw him but she never.

Raph closed his eyes trying to push that away but it was to fresh in his mind, too normal of a occurence.

---

The women's voice was shrill and loud as she shrieked out Raphael and his brothers all flinched at the sound, that hearing of their could sometimes be a cruse. Raph gritted his teeth and step forward a bit she screamed louder about four turtles who saved her than she had towards the humans who were trying to actually hurt her. You could hear it no more like feel it in the echo of her screams. Freaks, monsters, mutants!

Raphael could see it in her eyes, hear it's in voice, he could feel how she looked at them all now him as he near acted to take the bulk of her fear. Hand holding out her stupid ugly purse she had enough sense to grab that before she took off running and crying about the monsters. His brothers all seemed to just let out a shallow sigh. As if sticking to the act an routine they always did. Leo said it best they find it humans treat them better when they can't see them. A hand on his shoulder as Raph looked back at his brothers. They should be used it by now was the shared expression between them. Raph just fixing his beak into a fine line as he looked away. Leo made mention of calling it a night and Mikey and Don seemed fine with a early night. They looked to Raph who seemed to mull the idea over.

"I'll catch up with ya guys later, just need some air." Raph excused as he shrugged the hand off his shoulder. They didn't need to share a single word from there they all understood and left him with smiles before climbing down into the sewer near by. Raphael waited before he started to scale up the near by fire escape there was only one other place he didn't feel as he did now and that was where he wanted to be more than anywhere after the little run in.

He could still hear that women's fear in her voice, how her screeching seemed to ring out into his ears. He could feel it through his bones he swore. Yeah he shouldn't be surprised. When humans saw them it was often meant with shock like that. Well most humans. -----

Angel trucked out for the night from the sounds of it as Raph was now sat at the kitchen table with Casey. When he told Angel she could go wild man did she take him up on it. Working on getting the gunk off his face now. Raphael had a lot of time to think about what happened before his sudden visit it stung less though. Casey seemed in a good mood right now though, Raph eyeing over the stack of homework looked like worksheets had been filled out. How anyone could read that mess was a mystery to him though. Raph planned to leave here soon but figured with Angel sleeping now he could at least get in some time with Casey as they went to finish up what they had going next. Something for English maybe, cause now his hand writing was looking nicer. He wasn't out right reading, hard from where he sat anyway just noticing it as he lowered his head to rest on the table. Listening to pencil gliding over paper. it was calming. Like when Angel talked his ear off earlier. Again he found himself letting his smile soften as he just soaked it in a moment.

To Casey this was normal, to Angel maybe even. Having this guest at their place a freak, a monster a mutant. That women's words stung and they shouldn't. Raphael had been called worse, but the look in her eyes. Fear and hate. He had been stared down with gazes of killing intent and yet that never made him flinched. Least the bad guys didn't wanna kill him just because he was a mutan.

That was the thing he didn't like to admit, even to himself but it was all he could think of after it happened. How Casey just made him feel accepted. Casey never made him feel like a monster, he was crazy enough that he may very well like that Raph was different. They did pride themself in being a quote on quote monster fucker after all. Raphael was also wanted, from how Casey's hazel eyes softened every time they paid a glance his way just now, Raph held the same smile before no words given as Casey went back to work clearly distracted by his boyfriend being near by. Maybe Raph should head home now?

Moving to sit up as he was going to give a good bye and push again the table. Casey's voice broke him out of the little daze as he lifted his head up slightly to look at them

“You make me happy”

Raph didn't say a word back instead he let the blush on his face speak for him. Because Casey also made Raphael feel needed. Raph didn't like admitting any of that because he needed it too. It meant he trusted someone with a very important part of himself, He relied on Casey to keep this safe when he couldn't do it himself. And that was terrifying to the turtle. How much he wanted that needed it. Better said how much he wanted Casey and needed them sometimes he wasn't sure which of those was worse to admit to. Raph looked at how Casey looked at him, they didn't know why he came here. But they didn't need to part of him wondered if Casey could tell Raph needed to hide and picked here of all places. He..needed Casey in that moment so he ran to Casey.

Raph started to settle back into his place at the table letting his head fall into his arms trying to hiding how deep the shade of red was getting on his face. "Shut up and do you're homework sap." was all he said against his burning smile, as he lets his eyes peek up at them. Casey Jones was a lot of things. Crazy, dangerous a little mad but Casey wasn't bad. Even the few time he let the thought of how better a life Casey might have if he was dating a human that always jolted jealousy in him. Reaching over so he could just hold in the the sleeve of their shirt. he wanted their hand but they were writing so he just let his arm hand in the air as Casey's arm was moving.

"hey Case?" he asked softly letting his head roll to the side as he looked up at them " I love you." He sits there a bit longer just letting that sit between them ain't first time he said it but the way he did for sure was different. Wanting a second to admire everything about his boyfriend. Before he finally sat up to lean back in his chair. Attitude on full display as he huffed

"so get this my brothers an' I were out earlier runnin' on a patrol we hear some women gettin' mugged so we go an' -" Raphael went to tell Casey about the women that they helped that night, even admitting to how she made them all feel after, not like he was going to pour out how it hurt. But Raphael had a feeling Casey would see past his act of being annoyed by her screaming and see that it effected him, and that was why he came here.

[scarareg]

@bebendo-o-mar , my reasons are a lot, so here is the full explanation. I must say everything here is just a theory and my observations as a fan, I may be wrong. Believe me, I hope I am.

I think Taylor associates pain=love. From a young age she writes about how drama is what makes something romantic.

For example, in Thats The Way I Loved You she describes a guy who would be a green flag, but in the chorus she express "But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain/ And It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name/You're so in love that you act insane" . This themes of associating love with feeling or acting insane is something that continues in her next albums.

Her first relationships were toxic, so it doesn't surprise me that since a young age she would think "if we are in love, we must fight" or something along those lines .

Then it comes Red. In her first 3 albums she always presented love as a fairy tail, but from this point going on she now thinks about love in a more realistic way. The castles, dragons and princess are gone and the album feels really raw.

1989, although its pop and with pastel colours, the lyrics talk all the time about insecurities and anxiety. Is a sad album in my opinion, and now we know she was suffering of an eating disorder at that time. Someone who suffers an eating disorder doesn't love themselves. I think she was trying to compensate that lack of self-love by being an over archiver. She was everywhere, overexposed, going to a lot of parties, investing her friends to her tour, the girl squad ,etc. It's like she was trying to prove herself. Also, Red didn't win a Grammy and for her these awards are important , so maybe she wanted to prove them that she deserved to win. 1989 won album of the year.

2016 is the year her reputation was hurt and she disappeared from the public eye. It is also the year she met Joe Alwyn

Reputation was released, and even if it's perception is of being dark and vengeful; in my opinion this is her most romantic album. Yes, it's color is black and it has snakes, but of the 15 song, only 2 are about revenge/anger (Look What You Made Me Do and This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things). Getaway Car is a story inspired by Bonnie and Clyde and New Year's Day is a thank you song for the fans (love,but not romantic) . Everything else is super sweet.

From this year to 2022, she kept her private life, well, private.

With Lover, even if the name is the most romantic one of all her albums ,she actually starts to talk about other stuff besides her love life. Like about friendship, healing, her mom, her public perception and the misogyny she has gone through, politics, etc. The variety of topics, to me, shows she is maturing and that her relationship with Joe is stable.

Folklore and Evermore are a lot about self-reflection. I always thought of Folklore as therapeutic, but the ugly side of healing. Its the realizing of all your problems, toxic traits, fears. It's crying and reflecting on it. Evermore is about accepting that your past-self don't defines you anymore and you are ready to move on and heal.

The duo are her Magnum Opus, and shows that the teenager girl who mostly wrote about romance and drama is gone and she is a woman who is working on herself, and is in a stable relationship.

Midnights, she said the songs are inspired by her past relationships. I always thought this was weird because I don't think Joe would be happy of her singing to her exes, guys she broke up with almost 10 years ago, love songs. While listening to it for the first time I thought she and Joe must be having problems and the album was about it, she just said the other stuff because PR

In Midnights are signs of her being afraid of marriage or the idea of being with Joe for the rest of her life. In Lavender Haze she has the lyrics "I just wanna stay in that lavender haze" , meaning she just wants to stay in the honeymoon phase.

In Midnight Rain there are lyrics like: "He wanted a bride/I was making my own name" . Its Evermore, but in Champagne Problems the lyrics are "I never was ready, so I watch you go/ Sometimes you just don't know the answer/ 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you/ "She would've made such a lovely bride/ What a shame she's fucked in the head, " they said".

The topic of marriage and commitment is repeating over and over again but she seems afraid of it.

2023 comes and they broke up at some point in March. Immediately she starts to date Matty Healy and she is acting like he is the love of her life and being extremely public about it, only to break up with him 3 weeks later. Around 6 months pass, and she starts dating Travis.

They are all over each other all the time and she swears he is the love of her life, and acts in public with him in ways that personally remind me of a rom-com. This, to me , make it looks super fake. She has never acted that way with any of her boyfriends. It's like she is performing for an audience, trying to convince someone. Us? Travis? Herself? I have no idea, but to me it doesn't feel genuine. Besides, how many times a year can someone find the love of her life? Because apparently she did it 3 times.

TTPD is released and almost all the songs are about Matty, confessing she had feelings for him while she was still dating Joe. Even if she was emotionally cheating on Joe, she still sees herself as the victim in the relationship, accusing Joe of "being distant" and similar stuff.

She brings up Olivia Rodrigo for some reason, but its indirectly, just making a reference to her, and I have to question: why?. It feels so unnecessary. People have been theorizing for a long time about them having beef, and this is not helping. It's like she wants to cause drama

She brings up Kim Kardashian, and mentions North, which is a low-blow. Everyone already moved on from their feud, so why should she start it again? What does she gain from it?

This album shows she has problems forgiving and moving on, thing that she seemed be working on back in 2020, as reflected on folklore/evermore.

Added to this is the fact that every time we see her in public she is either working or with an alcoholic drink in her hand.

The lyrics in Fortnight say: "I was a functioning alcoholic" . In I Can Do It With A Broken Heart the lyrics says: " I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday every day/ I'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague/ I cry a lot but I am so productive, it's an art/ You know you're good when you can even do it/With a broken heart" . It makes you recontextualize the past year.

She is being an over archiver again, and it seems like no matter how successful she is, she always needs more. I think maybe she think that breaking records is going to give her self-worth, but that comes from working on yourself and self-love. No amount of money and awards are going to give her that.

This is why I think all her hard work on herself is kinda gone and she is back to her old 2014 self. Listening to TTPD makes me genuinely worried about her mental health. It's like the album is a crying for hell. I just hope she gets the help she needs and take a rest.

From Reputation to Evermore you can tell Taylor grown and matured a lot, in Midnights there were signs that she was afraid of the next steps in her relationship. With TTPD and her attitude this last year, it feels like she is regressing to how she was in 2014. It feels like us, her audience, are maturing but she is not.

[whaleofatjme1920]

In the Tent, Under His Arms (Eyeless Jack X F!Reader)

[Eyeless Jack X F!Reader]

[Warnings: literally just smut, knotted dick, breeding kink kinda?, possessive, I feel like EJ is his own warning, dubcon, rough, degrading(?), slight praise, if you are a minor DNI]

[AN: this thing is 8K words so have fun. Ngl, I had a lot of inspiration from the Wolf Man from Darkwood, so like,,,,,, that's gonna show up here as influence srry. ily <3]

To say you are nervous as you traverse the woods was an understatement. You could hardly breathe as you quietly stepped through the darkness that curtained the forest around you. Small little mushrooms and pieces of paper dotted your way as you continued to shine your flashlight at the deer path before you. Branches seemed to spring out from tree trunks in the blink of an eye scratched at your clothes as you pushed yourself forward. Every little sound that didn’t emit from you set you on edge.

How the hell did you even get here? You woke up on the floor of a rundown house. Cold tile had been your mattress as you slowly found your bearings. A quick glance around the darkened room showed a barren room, its walls littered with papers worried about a tall man in the woods. The only warnings were to watch out for him, fear him and not get caught by him lest you be taken. But you were still confused, scared and unsure.

Instead, you found yourself doing the only thing you could really think of. Securing your safety. This went on for a week without a hitch (save for the odd faces that peered into the windows every now and then) until one fateful morning where you were greeted by the only sentient living being that wished to talk to you since… Well… Since before you ended up here.

You had taken up refuge in a closet for the night and after stretching, headed to the kitchen to make something when you were rudely greeted to a… man?

Leaning against your counter drinking some coffee he’s already brewed.

You were about to rush back to your closet and pick up your blade when the man lowly chuckled.

A deep silence fell between the two of you as your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. From the silence came low, rumbling, almost animalistic breathing.

It was then that you finally got a clear view of who was leaning in your kitchen. You grounded yourself in the doorway, not budging as the man slowly sipped from the coffee mug. You took notice of what he was wearing as he did so - a big, dark blue hoodie, and on top of that, a big, brown jacket. He had worn blue jeans. Steel toe boots.

The most unsettling parts of it all?

He had ashy, grey skin. From his profile, you could see shark-like teeth, grinning at you like a wolf.

“It’s really rude to stare, sweetheart,” the grey skinned man interrupted before taking another languid sip. “Have some coffee. I went outta my way to get it for you,” he finished before you could even begin to register what he was saying.

You awkwardly looked off to the side as words failed to build in your mouth. However, your mind continued to race with thoughts.

The grey skinned man verbally rolled his eyes with a huff before placing his mug down. Then, he quickly turned himself around and opened up one of the cabinets, fished for a mug, settled on a slightly chipped white one, inspected it, then placed it on the counter beside his. His clawed hand reached for the pot of coffee and grasped it before pouring the pleasantly warm and aromatic liquid into the slight chipped mug.

“Here,” he hummed as he held out the mug to the still frozen in place you. “Before it gets cold.”

You felt immediate disgust but hit it from your face as you cautiously stepped forward.

Sighing deeply, he closed the space between the two of you by taking confident steps forward.

On instinct, you held your hands out and took the mug.

He smiled in approval before leaning back on the counter to drink from his mug. “Sorry about the lack of sugar and creamer,” he said in passing as he watched you take a slow, shy sip. “You’ve seen the state of things out there, haven’t you? Can’t find shit even if I tried.”

Upon deeming the drink not poisonous and not harmful to your wellbeing, you felt more at ease and took more confident sips. “Who are you?” You asked, effectively breaking the semi-comfortable silence.

“A medic in some circles, a trader in others,” he began, flashing his rows of pearly white sharp teeth. “Call me Jack.” His gaze then lowered, eyes still obscured by his hood. “And what about you, sweetheart? How did you find yourself in this wicked place?”

You shifted uncomfortably before leaning in the doorway and taking another sip from the mug. “I don’t know,” you muttered. “I woke up here,” you gestured to the cold, checkered tile the two of you were currently standing on, “and got to work,” you finished. Your eyes remained trained on the floor. You remembered the first few days you were here - how awkward and strange they were. The feelings of confusion and anger. Stumbling around in the dark.

Jack nodded thoughtfully at your words before he finished his mug in one big gulp. He then smirked at you, the corners of his lip tilting upwards before he began stalking towards you.

Instinctively, you backed up, ready to defend yourself.

Jack chuckled under his breath. He smelled of wet soil and pine. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said as he stopped just an arm’s distance in front of you. He looked down at you, his eyes still observed by the darkness as you struggled to see what he looked like. His clawed hand suddenly reached out, and you flinched. He grinned, and took his lifted hand to hold your chin before slowly tilting your gaze upwards to meet his in full. “Let me get a good look at those pretty eyes,” he murmured.

And that when you saw his, or rather, the lack of. Just empty caverns. Dark, soulless, but they looked at you with such hunger.

Jack watched your pretty eyes flutter, mostly in nervousness before he leaned down. His sockets bore into you. His other hand left his coat pocket to your face, clawed came closer and closer to your eyes making you scrunch your nose. “Find me in the burnt clearing. I’ll be waiting for you.” His index finger came up to the bridge of your nose and slid down it. He chuckled at your confused expression before he tapped your nose.

When you reopened your eyes, he was gone.

You spent a few days wondering if you should go or if it was a trap. There was really no one to ask and the faces that peered into your window didn’t seem to give an answer one way or another. Your gut, however, kept telling you it was a bad idea.

That was what you were sticking with: it’s a bad idea, you shouldn’t go.

So, why were you stumbling through the woods near sundown looking for him? It was stupid, you thought, that you could be walking into your death. You quickly slashed through the brambles until you made your way to a small clearing. A light shined in the short distance when it wasn’t obscured by rapidly growing branches. A quick glance down at your map showed that this was the eyeless man’s camp.

Your fingers tightened around your blade as you left the heavy foliage to inspect the camp. There was a sizable tent followed by various crates strewn about. In the center was a fire pit and across from it was a worn down green couch. How did that even get in here?

You carefully came closer to the roaring fire with timid steps while trying to calm down your breathing. A quick glance around and there was nothing but silence to accompany you as the sun sunk further and further down the horizon. You let your guard drop for just a moment before prickling back to attention. A presence behind you made you swivel, lurch and raise your blade faster than what you were capable of.

“Took you long enough. You do know that it’s rude to keep people waiting, don’t you?” Jack states with a small frown before bursting into a fit of laughter at the sound of your still drumming heart. “What has you so nervous?” He questions, eyeing you like you are nothing but a piece of meat.

“This is your camp?” You say, more out of observation than waiting for affirmation.

“It is,” Jack hums. “Good to see you made it. I’ve seen some proxies barely make it here by the skin of their teeth,” he continues as he sits down by the fire.

“What?” You ask as you quirk up an eyebrow.

Jack picks up his back to rest between his knees and rummage through it before beckoning you over to sit next to him.

You cautiously sit next to him on another crate. You avert your attention from him back to the fire.

“Proxies are servants of this tall guy,” Jack explains after ensuring you took your seat. “They run these woods essentially, but they never come to my neck in fear of the things that exist past what is safe,” he grins slightly, still rummaging in the bag. “Out here, it’s just me and the things who lurk.”

“The things that lurk?” You whisper in a questioning tone.

Jack nods again and pulls out a little journal. He begins to thumb through it as he continues to explain to you. “Things known as the Rake, the notdeer, the proxies that succumb to their sickness early, y’know, the things that kill.” He finally finds what he’s looking for.

You turn your attention to the journal and see he’s amassed a collection of polaroid photographs of the things that lurk.

“See? These are some proxies,” he hands the book to you and points at the pictures. “And here is one of the things that lurk.” His clawed finger shows you what used to be a proxy, their body torn to shreds, organs hanging everywhere, and in the center, what you can describe as a monster hungrily devouring their flesh. “I have a lot of good shit out here, and most of them never make it past this guy.”

You shiver slightly and Jack furrows his brows for just a moment.

“Sorry,” he apologizes for a moment before briefly taking the book from you. “Anyways, very few people make it out of the woods unless you’re a proxy or me. We used to make it out a lot easier but there was this one guy, ugly fucker,” he hisses. “That left the woods after burning down the trees to the main road - one of our crossing points. The trees grew back so fast after the tall guy’s wrath and now we’re all stuck here as a result. That ugly fucker? He disa-fucking-peared.” Jack growls deeply as he says it, clearly not happy with the memory.

“I’m… Sorry,” you apologize awkwardly.

Jack shakes his head. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, yeah?” He hums. “Anyways, flip a few pages and you’ll see the ugly fucker’s hovel before he left.” He pointed to the picture of a house similar to the one you were staying in.

Small world?

You studied the man who stood in the picture. He wasn’t that ugly in your opinion.

Jack then shows you other photos, places, effigies, proxies and one of a brilliant mansion. Apparently, you need to stay away from that place at all costs. There’s also pictures of him and other people, some of them you recognize from your time on earth? Is that right? Are you still on earth?

Jack explains a bit more to you. Mostly about this place. It’s like a pocket. Somehow, you were taken and brought here for a reason. Jack suspects it’s because the tall man, also known as the Slender Man, wants to make you a proxy.

“You’ll lose your humanity that way,” he tsks. “And that’s why I called you here. Not for pictures and conversation,” the warmth that was in his tone over reminiscing over things and learning about others is gone.

You notice it almost instantly. You watch as his posture changes and so too do his facial features. You know he means business now.

“I know you’re looking for a way out,” he begins. “I can help you with that.” Jack notices your eyes light up for the first time in well… It’s the first time he’d seen you look so hopeful.

“What’s the catch?” You ask as you slowly lean away from him.

Before Jack could say anything, a shriek was heard off in the distance. Jack’s face twinkled with excitement for a second before he nodded his head over to his tent.

It caught you off guard and sent your heart racing before yet another shriek emitted from the dark forest around the two of you.

“It’s dark,” Jack says as his gaze goes back over to his tent again. “Stay here for the night. Those things out there don’t really fuck with me,” he muses. When you don't answer, he stands up. “Unless you wanna try your luck out there, sweetheart. By all means…” He trails off as he slowly begins walking over to his tent.

You swallow your pride and stand up much too fast and catch pace with him.

Jack lets out an amused chuckle as he opens the flaps to the tend and allows you entrance.

You were immediately shrouded in the scent of petrichor and wild flowers. Surprisingly, it didn’t smell near as rough as you had originally expected. You felt a tad awkward standing in his tent as he zipped it up.

“You can sit down,” he says as he ensures the flaps were shut properly.

You nod more to yourself than anyone else and take a few more steps inside. It was tall enough that you could stand without brushing your head on the roof. On the floor interspersed with grass were carpets. It looked like a nest was in the near middle? Tons of blankets and two twin sized mattresses laid side by side were on the ground.

You glance around and see a small little desk, some writing supplies, just normal home stuff. Why was Jack living out here? There were tons of vacant houses.

Instead, you brush the thought off and settle on sitting timidly at the end of one of the blanket covered mattresses.

“Good choice,” Jack says as he procures from his pocket a box of matches. Then, he reaches over on the little desk for a kerosene lamp. After lighting it, the dimness of the tent became something actually visible. He checks his watch as he slowly makes his way to the other mattress.

“What time is it?” You ask as you struggle to get comfortable on the mattress.

“Surprisingly? Nearing midnight,” he answers. Jack stretches slightly before plopping down entirely. “Get some sleep, yeah? Tomorrow morning, we’ll set out to do what I ask,” Jack subtly demands. He props his elbows up on his knees and watches from the corner of his gaze as you shift awkwardly.

You felt strange laying down on the mattress, but did so anyway. It doesn’t seem Jack cared very much that your shoes were still on. You move your body slightly to find comfort on the mattress while Jack continues to eye you from the corner of his vision.

He takes note of your form, how delicious you look. How he can take you right now.

But he saw your eyelids grow heavy. Within moments, you were on the verge of passing out.

Jack relents softly. He knows she wants your full attention while he ruts into you making you cry out to gods that don’t want to hear you. He sees you begin to fade in and out of consciousness. Luckily for him, he does have some business to attend to, and those creatures didn’t ever get too close to his camp.

They wouldn’t touch you, not with his scent bathed all over you.

One of the last things you heard before Jack left to attend to other matters was a compliment. You barely heard it, and it would have shocked you right awake if your body wasn’t on the verge of shutting down.

“You look so pretty right now, Sweetheart. Beautiful, even.”

It wasn’t until 3am that Jack finally returned. You were fast asleep when he finally resented the tent, but he could smell you all the way from where his important matters laid. His nose guided him back to you. And funnily enough, it brought him back to you about a week ago as well.

Jack hadn’t smelled a fertile woman in a very long time. Well, since this whole mess came upon the Slender Man’s woods, really. He spied on you the first few days you were here. You weren’t as ready for him then, must’ve just been leading up to it. When he popped into your kitchen, it was because you were getting so close to your peak. The smell was overwhelming, sweet, and tender. Intoxicating. Like fresh peaches and the tangiest of strawberry pie. Lucky for him? You came to him at your peak.

Jack ressecure the flaps of the tend before his vision that saw all too well in the darkness his beauty that rests on the mattress he knew you’d choose. Your face and other gestures were gently lit up by the almost extinguished kerosene lamp’s flame. It drove him wild to see you breathe so peacefully.

Your chest rose every so slightly and he could have sworn he caught the outline of your nipples if it wasn’t for that stupiud bra you had on instead.

Jack licked his lips as he quietly drew himself closer to you. He couldn’t stop himself from crawling on top, quietly and slowly, so as to not wake you. One of his knees gently pried apart your legs, and then he took in your scent. You smelled of something not from the woods. You smelled of fresh vanilla and dark roast coffee. Of strawberry pound cake. Of good things.

Jack leans down and takes in your scent near the base of your neck, inhales deeply, then buries his nose in your hair. You smell divine, possibly even better than… Well, it’s best not to say. His hand picks itself up off the mattress to gently and gingerly brush near your hairline. Sily. Pretty. He then places it on your stomach and lightly presses, trailing his claws along your abdomen to your side. You are so soft. So delicate.

The moment his clawed fingertips touch your side and begin trailing down, you wake up.

Your eyes fly open and you almost let out a scream at seeing how this strange man is looming over you. Your mouth opens, but his hand quickly leaves your side to smother you. You breathe heavily against his palm, your eyes wide and with fear. You struggle against him.

“Shhh, he hushes as his hand presses a little firmer on your mouth. “Calm down.” His voice was low as his knee dug further into the mattress, just below the place he wanted most.

You continue to struggle against him, fighting against his planted hand while his other hand presses down on your hips.

“You promise not to scream?” Jack deadpans in a low tone with an edge that cuts you to your core. He sees tears welling in your eyes, and he knows you’re telling the truth. Slowly, he peels his hand back, watching as you keep true to your word.

You take in deep breaths to help self regulate. “What the fuck?” You seethe. Your arms, which have been pawing wildly at his chest, relax only slightly when his clawed hands catch your wrist in a vice grip.

“Easy,” he murmurs, only loosening his grip when he’s sure you won’t fight him any further. His head dips so his empty caverns can peer right through yours in the dim light.

One look and you know what he wants. Horor and something else - something wanton - pass across your face, making Jack laugh.

“I said I wasn’t gonna hurt you,” he hums, his clawed index finger trailing your cheek.

Before you can say anything else, Jack’s hand leaves your hips and grabs your face. With a wicked grin, he licks his teeth, then leans down and licks your face.

You contort to digits as he does so. He smells of iron.

“Why are you doing this?” You growl as his tongue leaves your cheek to your chin, slowly making his way to your neck. “I can leave if that’s-”

“No,” Jack growls. “You won’t leave,” he states before gently nipping at the soft flesh on your neck. “You smell so good,” he murmurs before taking another languid lick at your neck.”I’m going to make you mine,” With that, he entirely retracted his form from yours to look down at you.

Of course, you fight him. Your thighs grip around his upper leg that still rests between your knees and you almost maange to flip the two of you over. But he was much bigger and much stronger than you could manage. With a deep laugh, he grips your wrists tighter above your head and squeezes to let you know who is in charge. With his free hand, he reaches into his back pocket and gets the zip ties.

How the fuck did he get zip ties?

“Jesus fucking Christ,” you hiss as he dangles them in front of your eyes.

“I just can’t trust you right now,” Jack tsks in the tone of a pouting child. The black zip ties feel awful against your wrists (they also feel good) - and he’d secured them so tightly. He playfully watches you attempt to break free from them, and when it proves futile, he laughs. Jack then allows his hands to take free roam of your body while you begin to protest him less and less. “I know you don’t have any spare clothes,” he hums thoughtfully before his fingers waltz down to the hem of your shirt. “Luckily, I have some left over. You won’t be needing any of this,” he cackles as his sharp claws make waste of the fabric.

You feel yourself growing weaker and weaker under his grasp but still curse at him more than what you deem possible. Jack seemed to eat up your insults. “You’re fucking sick,” you spit as he eyes your bra hungrily. “A sick fucking pervert.”

“You stayed the night, Sweetheart,” Jack grins wickedly. “I’m only taking claim of what’s now mine,” he says before delicately tracing the cups of your bra. He likes the design. Dark blue with light colored polka dots. An interesting choice. Without wasting any more time, his claws cut through the fabric too - no use in unclasping while your hands are bound. “How beautiful,” he giggles. “How lovely. I could hardly tell when you were using those bags you call clothes,” he teases, making your knees clamp around his knee once more, making Jack break again and laugh.

You bite your tongue and try to avert your gaze from him, not wanting him to see that you’re flushed due to the intimacy and that your body and you yourself are growing keen to the situation you have found yourself in. “This is…”

“C’mon,” Jack breathes out as his fingers trail up your smooth flesh to your breasts. “You must’ve known something was up. A man doesn’t just ask a woman to stay the night. He’s got one thing on his mind if she isn’t family or a friend: he wants to fuck her.”

The harshness and pure lust that dripped from his tongue made your face heat up in response. Your gaze darts and bounces around before you finally settle on his hands that are now fondling your chest.

Jack’s hands travel to your pants. He takes in your scent again. You are intoxicating, so intoxicating.

“You’re gonna have to work for it,” you manage to hiss out, legs still clamped around his knee.

Jack’s expression falls. “You’re not in charge, I am.” And with that, he rips through your pants, leaving you naked before him.

You shiver slightly in response to the cool air, and of course, Jack has to see that and make note of it as well.

“Awh,” he coos as his nose gets closer and closer to your heat. “Are you cold? Do you want me to warm you up?” He murmurs in a sickening lust filled tone.

“You bastard-” you’re barely able to breathe out before you’re cut off by Jack dragging the flat of his long, black tongue from the bottom to the top, taking great joy in the arousal that was already present.

“What a naughty, naughty girl,” he teases before dragging his tongue again. “Already soaking,” he compliments. His thumb, careful of the sharpened claw, travels to your clit and begins to slowly massage it. He feels your legs shift. Jack hums as he does to, hsi tongue only playing with your lips. He was going to make you suffer before he stuffs you completely.

His teeth nip you every now and then, just to remind you who was really in charge as his tongue and lips press kisses to your lower lips. He doesn’t dare dip into your heat despite wanting to taste you in full.

You write in his grasp, trying to hold back any and all sounds of pleasure. You don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing what he’s doing to you.

It’s a shame really, he could make you see stars if only you’d let him.

He must have gone near half an hour with his head between your legs, still fully dressed. He was a man of great patience, and he’d been edging you for much longer and harder than he should have. He could see frustration dotting your face when he finally came back up to look at you.

You look a little more flushed than he remembers. It’s probably all the heat rushing to your face. He notices your hands are quite restless too, that and being tied up couldn’t be the most comfortable thing in the world.

“You look upset, why?” He asks before sucking on your clit. When you struggle to say anything, his teeth graze you ever so slightly. “Use your words, please,” he hums much like an authority figure would.

“Tongue fuck me,” you mumble in embarrassment, eyes darting anywhere but at Jack who is still nestled securely between your legs. You watch as Jack’s ears perk up.

“Say that again,” he prompts, his fingers taking over his tongue on your clit.

“Please,” you say softly “Tongue fuck me and please untie me.”

A sly grin crosses onto Jack’s face alongside yet another chuckle. He momentarily leaves your legs and crawls back up to be face to face with you. His index finger reaches up and his claw slashes through the zip ties.

You freely move your wrists, getting used to your newfound freedom.

“It’s only because you asked nicely,” Jack coos as his sockets bore into your eyes. He presses a gentle kiss to your lips, pleasantly surprised that you don’t fight him like before. He then crawls back down your body to rest in between your legs, his clawed fingers parting your lower lips slightly before he dives his tongue in. He takes great joy in how you write beneath him as your thighs press harder against the side of his head.

He buries his tongue inside of you and curls it in places no human could ever reach. He has you seeing stars.

You buck your hips quite a few times and Jack’s hand reluctantly leaves your thighs to push your hips back down. As he tongue fucks you closer and closer to release, you become a little harder to control. He enjoys it though.

Jack hums absentmindedly as he does so, relishing in your taste. You are soaking wet and so, so close. All he has to do is push you off the edge.

He slithers his tongue out of you before rubbing your clit with his thumb, allowing you to take your mind off your pussy and to the assault your clit before your mind goes white hot in pleasure. Jack’s tongue darts so fast into your pussy that you almost yelp in response as he thrusts it back in and out, still humming like it was no big deal.

Your back arches and that’s all Jack needs to know to see you’re just about to cum. A few more rough flicks of his tongue and you’re creaming onto his face. Your hands grip the nest’s bedsheets and various blankets as he continues to carefully tongue fuck you through your orgasm. He grins as he laps up your sweetness, teasing you under his breath about the effect he has on you.

But he’s not done with you, not by a long shot.

You look up hazily while panting deeply as Jack’s tongue slowly leaves your pussy. The flat of his tongue slowly swipes up from bottom to top which makes you giggle, and he smiles against your skin. From there, he begins working on undoing his belt.

“Here,” you murmur softly, his ears once again perking up to catch your words.

“Hm? He hums in response as he cocks his head to the side, watching as you slowly sit up and stretch before your hands gently press onto his chest. You push off his dark brown coat and then trail down to his belt.

Your hands are soft and gentle as you work on freeing him, and within moments, you are tossing his belt to the side and unzipping him. You can see the tent in Jack’s pants, and you can already feel how delicious he’s going to feel inside of you.

Jack nods for you to lay back down when you shake your head ‘no.’ Interesting. Instead, your hands unzip him and you reach for his cock. Your eyes pop as you touch it - he was hot, much hotter than any man you’d previously been with.

“Come on, don’t keep me waiting,” Jack teases.

You roll your eyes playfully before finally fishing him from his pants, guiding him out with anticipation. You look up at him the entire time you do so, lust clouding your vision and burning through your soul as you do so, almost unaware of the monster you hold in your hands. When you finally look down, you feel heat rise to your face once more.

Jack smirks in response and tangles his fingers near your scalp, brushing you ever so slightly. He guides your lips down to meet the giant. He was big. No denying it. Had to be near nine inches, thich, veiny, with a girthy know he couldn’t wait to stuff inside of you.

You didn’t fight against him. Instead, you eagerly awaited him for your mouth.

Your lips are soft as they press the lightest of kisses to his tip. And just like that, you’re dragging the length of your tongue up and down his cock and listening to him growl in anticipation. When you know you’ve got him where you want him, you take him in your mouth.

Jack’s claws keep steady in your hair as you bob your head. Your lips couldn’t reach his know, and to be completely fair, he wasn’t expecting you to be able to take all of him orally, but he loves what you can do. Your tongue swirls around his tip and shaft every time you come back up, and when Jack was acting up? You graze your teeth against him.

Before he knows it, you are looking up at him with the sweetest gaze, giving him your permission for him to use you. Jack passes you a look of affection before his other hand reaches up to caress your cheek, moaning out deeply as your tongue swirls on his tip, trying to coax his cum out.

Without any particular warning, he pushes your head down and brings you back up before working into face fucking you.

Your face goes dark as he uses you, making breathing damn near impossible. He begins muttering in some language you don’t know - they sound like praises - but he’s coming closer and closer to his edge.

In a mix of English and whatever language he was mumbling in, you can feel his praises get filthier and filthier. Though, Jack doesn’t want to finish in your mouth. Not this time.

“Back down, I’m going to fuck you,” he murmurs deeply while looking at you with lust and… something you can’t quite name. It wasn’t animalistic, that’s for sure.

Jack expects for you to lay back and spread your legs for him but instead, he watches as you maneuver on all fours. Your face is burying into the blankets and your ass is just shy of his waist level despite you pushing up towards him.

You glance back at him and roll your eyes playfully before swaying your hips, attempting to entice him further.

Jack sees the slickness of your cunt and without any hesitation, takes your waist into his clawed hands and begins rubbing his cock with your slick. “Gods, you’re so fucking wet,” he murmurs as he continues to rub his cock with your juices. “I’m going to destroy you.” And then he slips into that language you just can’t understand. “I’m going to knot you and you won’t be able to look at another man without begging for me to fill you up,” he says as his fingers lightly part your lips that were so tightly pressed together as he lines up with you.

Before he does so, he begins to shrug off his hoodie.

“Stop teasing me,” you say in a teasing tone, making Jack pause from taking off the rest of his clothes.

Jack verbally rolls his eyes before taking his hand out from under his hoodie before gripping your waist again. Without any warning, Jack shoves himself into your roughly, hilting himself to his knot before resting there and taking off the hoodie.

Your eyes roll up slightly as he thrust inside of you. The thickness he had wasn’t anything you were used to, and he stretched you open with absolutely no lead up and it made you see stars again.

“I can feel your wet cunt,” he says in passing as he throws his hoodie up and over his head. “Squeeze around me while you wait for me to fuck you,” he chuckles with a devilish grin. He feels your body’s eagerness for him to fuck you, and like such a good girl, you squeeze his cock making him breathe out with a smile. He feels you pulsing, he feels you growing hundred with the need the longer he stays dormant inside of you.

He sighs in ecstasy as he begins to slowly move himself out of you. When it was just the tip, he roughly slid back in, still refusing to knot. His ears twitch at the sound of you gasping for air as he really begins to fuck you. “And here you were calling me a pervert,” he muses as he begins to thrust into you with deep, long strokes, adoring the sounds that pour from your mouth. “But you like fucking me huh? You like it, you goddamn slut. You like being fucked by something that is no longer human,” he continues in that same dead language, nails digging into your soft flesh. “You’re gonna milk my cock and then you’re gonna do it again in the morning.”

Your eyebrows furrow, mouth slightly open, hair bouncing slightly with every thrust. Your face is so heated in response. This is something you know you shouldn’t be doing, but fuck was it good at keeping you around and interested.

As one of his clawed hands undug itself from your flesh to slide down your hip and caress your abdomen, his claws trace your skin and press into your clit once more. He thumbs you and leans over you as he does so, his other hand propping next to your head as he engulfs you with his size. He’s pounding into you now, still refusing to know. His tongue lazily swipes at your shoulder as his hips thrust into you at a damn near inhuman speed and strength, making you mumble incoherencies.

Your moans are music to his ears.

“I’m gonna fuck you until you feel like you can’t anymore, and I’m gonna fuck you until I’m the only man you’ll ever fucking think about,” he roughly sneers into your ears as he continues to pound his hips against you. “I’m going to fuck you until you tell me to stop, and even then? I might not stop.” He breathes deeply into your ear, his tongue tracing the shell as you pathetically move in tandem with him, his fingers digging into your clit and swirling.

He’s trying to get you to cum again.

You are trembling beneath him as his hips shatter you. You can feel his knot greet your lips, but still refuse to enter as Jack growls deeply into your ear. Your legs clamp together as his hand roughly fingers your pearl.

He’s so intoxicating, and you feel like you can’t breathe.

“Cum on my cock,” he hisses harshly, still fucking you to orgasm.

And just like that, he got his wish.

You squeeze shut your beautiful eyes before tightening your thighs together. An immediate waterfall gushes from between your legs, filling the air with something sweet and slightly bitter.

Jack laughs as he pulls out from your pussy, watching as the liquids continue to gush out. “What a cutie,” he teases as he lovingly licks your cheek. “Turn over. I wanna see your face when I knot you,” he grins, nodding for you to lay back on the side of the twin mattresses that was not turned into an ocean.

On hellied legs, you slowly wobble and hum as his finger traces your slit before falling back to the side of the mattresses that isn’t soaked. Your eyes meet his gaze and you slowly spread your legs as he looms over you. You catalog everything about him. In your eyes, he looks so animalistic, and so human all at the same time.

Without his jacket or his hoodie, you’re able to see the scars that decorate his body. He’s so dark, and the cuts and jagged lines that dash across his form are so light in contrast. He’s still lacking eyes - so how is it that he looks at you with such love?

That stupid smirk is looking at you again and you’re tearing your gaze off it to see the head of his cock weeping with precum.

Jack whistles down at you, his hand resting on your knee. “You knew this was coming, Sweetheart,” he hums as he leans forward, hands placing themselves on both sides of you. His grin grew as he saw your face heat up once more.

Jack feels your legs shift followed by a slight weight on his lower waist, He makes a noise of approval as your ankles lock before he glances down to where your bodies are soon going to be connected again. “Let me know if I hurt you at any point,” he whispers softly in your ear as his slightly pointed tip prods at your entrance.

You find yourself almost taken aback by his sudden kindness - he was so domineering but so soft? Your trail of thought is almost entirely derailed as he pushes his cock in and past your puffy, swollen lips as you listen to him hiss at the new angle.

It’s intimate - neither of you can deny that.

Jack watches your expressions from the corner of his gaze as he slowly begins to pump in and out of you, working you to that breakneck pace once more. He watches as your eyebrows furrow as he picks up the pace, fucking you in your entirety. He feels your legs tighten around his waist and watches as your eyebrows furrow once more and knit together in pleasure.

You begin to pant as he does so, walls pulsing deliciously around him as his hips meet yours in thick, meaty thrusts. You feel his cock slide deeper and deeper with every thrust, pushing you to new limits.

Your moans are, once again, music to his ears as he fucks you senseless. Your hands wantonly claw at his back and brush against his sensitive flesh. Swears and curses escape your lips every now and then and that makes him blush.

“You are taking me so, so well,” he harshly compliments through pants as he lowers himself onto his forearms, his hips continuously snapping forward. “It’s almost as if your cunt was made for me. I wonder if you can take my knot as well?” He mumbles as his knot kisses your bruised lips once again. “I don’t care what you say, I’m gonna make you take it.”

“Fuck!” Jack swore under his breath as your walls vice gripped him. “You’re gonna take my knot and you’re gonna like it,” he mumbles into your neck as he kisses and nips at it. He hisses again when you rake your nails across and down his back. His ears fall back in pleasure and close to his scalp as you moan louder. The sound of your pussy gobbling him up has him weak at the knees.

“You’re getting close again, aren’t you?” He questions as he nips at your neck, threatening to bite in the longer you hesitate in answering.

You’re admittedly pretty tongue tied at the moment. “I-!” You’re cut off but his hips slapping forward making you choke and gasp for air. “I am-,” you breathe out through your moans.

“Perfect,” Jack chuckles as he slowly inches his way out. He watches your face carefully as he pulls out, his gaze trained on yours as his forearms push up so he can see you better.

Confusion etches itself on your face. “What?”

“I just wanna see your face,” he answers as his tip rubs against your entrance. He licks your cheek playfully once more before slowly, and deliciously dragging his cock back in, his knot just barely meeting your lips. “This might hurt,” he murmurs gently as he picks his hips back up once more before thrusting back in, much more forcefully, his thick, large knot finally breaching your pussy.

Your eyes widen as his girthy knot pushes inside of you, your legs instinctively tightening around his hips. Your hand leaves his back to grip onto his bicep. Luckily for you, Jack doesn’t mind. You wince as he wiggles in the rest of his knot into your pussy as it swallows him whole, the entirety of his knot being buried inside of you, making it hard for you to breathe. You feel so full and stuffed!

Jack is a little surprised by how strong your grip is! He’s almost completely smitten with it when he finally looks down to see tears welling in your eyes. He can tell it’s a mixture of both paini, from being stressed immensely, and pleasure in a way only pain could bring. It’s ecstasy. Jack leans down gently and begins to kiss your tears away, careful to not pull where the two of you are connected all the while restraining himself to what he doesn’t believe is bearable.

“You feel so divine,” he murmurs livingly before licking away another tear. “Just relax, let me do the work,” he continues. He feels your lips on his and he smiles, taking that as the green light to rock into you. Unfortunately, he would not be able to completely destroy you like he did prior to knotting you simply because of the knot.

Now, Jack takes the time to be intimate. He lovingly relishes in the feeling of kissing you as he slowly and tantalizingly grinds his hips against you and lightly thrusts after every roll. It was a little difficult due to the connection, but it felt sweet. His hand went back between your legs to work your pearl as he continued to sweetly roll and thrust into you, thoroughly enjoying how your hips are shyly coming up to meet him.

“Come on,” he whispers softly through his kiss as he begins to thrust a little rougher. “Just a little more, cum on my cock again,” he urges as he breaks the kiss, licking your cheek. He’s swiping and thumbing your clit in ways that have you writhing beneath him.

Your legs tighten around his waist, urging him to press deeper inside of you.

Not one to deny a lady from what she wants, Jack backs up as far as his hips will let him and pounds back into you. He repeats the motion, making sure to roll every time he does so.

Your hands grasp at his back once more as he fucks you with reckless abandon, his name being the only thing to spill from your lips as he does so. You can’t believe he’s overloading you again, and your heart picks up in response. You kiss him once more, feeling his chapped, rough lips against your soft ones before he leaves and nips down the side of your face and back to your neck. He lightly bites down, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough for you to know he’s got a claim on you.

You look up at him as he mumbles in that same dead language against your skin. He’s so lost in you that it’s almost adorable. Your hand gently asks for his attention, and he gives it to you. You give him a look of nothing but lust and possibly love, and Jack’s lips are on yours again, thickly, warmly, with something deeper and much more passionate than anything you would have expected he was capable of. When he breaks away, panting, against your face, he makes you cry out in pleasure.

“I’m going to fill you,” Jack sneers through his panting, hips still thickly pounding into you. “I’m going to fill you for as long as I’m inside of you,” he mutters as his thrusts frow sloppy. Jack covers you entirely with his body as he roughly pants into your ear, so, so close to spilling.

Your walls begin to flutter around him, urging him to spill as he growls into you. You feel like you’re creaming rings around his dick, urging, no, begging him to bottom out inside of you. Your nails are leaving dark, jagged marks into the flesh of his back as he does so.

With a few more powerful thrusts, Jack finds himself going over the edge, his hips back as far as his knot will allow him before he buries himself deep, the tip pressing against your cervix as he releases himself inside of you. Hot, thick, sticky ropes of cum begin to flood into your needy cunt as lightly rocks himself inside of you, gritting his teeth as you tremble beneath him. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” He continually growls out like a prayer as your fluttering walls coax more cum from him.

Your eyes roll upwards as the heat floods your cunt, making you squeeze your eyes shut and burying your face into his chest. You’re squeezing tightly around him, vice gripping him as he continues to relish in the feeling of your body holding him so tightly. You can barely think straight as his cock weeps more cum, threatening, and succeeding in filling you to your brim.

“Gods, you’re milking me,” he murmurs as he finally stops pumping you full of cum. “This… This is gonna take a while,” he says darkly in your ear.

“What?”

Jack nods down to where the two of you are still connected. “Gonna be a while.” He sighs, secures your legs to his waist, and then flips you over so you are resting on top of his chest. “Get comfortable.”

“How long..?”

“A while,” Jack awkwardly coughs. “It’s just uh, a knot thing, I guess?” He attempts to explain as you shift your hips deliciously, making him huff and his cock spurt more ropes of cum. He looks away in slight embarrassment. “You can sleep, if you want? Like I said, this is gonna be a while,” he finishes as his hand fishes around for a blanket as his other hand travels down your lower waist to finally cup your ass. He squeezes gently once he finally throws the blanket over the two of you.

“Or,” you say as you plant your hands firmly on his chest, gradually bringing yourself back up. “We can go again.”

Jack laughs. “And you called me a pervert.”

You lightly slap him and grind your hips slowly against him. “Shut up.”

[littlepadika]

🎀 pink (Din)

🧼 laundry detergent (fake dating)

🍄cottage core (innocent kink)

with some fluff and smut included maybe?? 🥺👉👈💘

Hi @ppslutt I don't think we've interacted so hello! Thank you for this request! Omg i am both soft and amused by this idea. Hope you like this... Din is such a cheeky bb but at the same time a feral fucking machine hehe

500 follower celebration (closed now)

Warnings: Asshole ex boyfriend, protective mando, innocent reader, unprotected piv smut, fingering, 18+

source: @reilink

"Can I sit here?"

Din startled. He had been glaring holes into the metal table at the cantina for so long he almost forgot there were other people around. He was in between bounties. Waiting for Karga to come up with something worth his time.

He nodded at the seat across from him which you fell into. He would usually say no, preferring to be left alone, but you were hardly a threat. Young and apparently unarmed. You looked stressed. Eyes darting all over the room. Were you in trouble?

"Thank you." You tapped your fingertips on the table. "My ex is here and I don't want him to see me alone."

"Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"No." You stare down at your lap. "I just don't want to talk to him."

That made sense, but Din couldn't understand why you were talking to him specifically. Most people feared Mandalorians. He expected you to want to hire him or ask him to kill your ex. You glanced over your shoulder. Din followed your gaze, identifying the man in question, an arrogant looking human with his arm around a girl with her back to you both.

"I'll leave you alone in a minute." You turned your attention back to him. "What's your name, sir?"

"Mando." He grunted. You replied with your name. Din's ears perked up when he heard it. The sound of it echoing in his mind. He had never heard such a name before. "Have you ever seen a Mandalorian before?" Din couldn't help but ask.

"Is that what you are?" You felt embarrassed at his amused tone. "Am I supposed to bow or something?"

Din chuckled, which came out as a crackle through the voice coder. "No. But people tend to stay away from me because- because we're killers."

"Oh." You swallowed a gasp. It never occurred to you to be afraid. "I didn't know. I've never been off world."

"What the fuck are you doing here?" You snapped your head up to see your ex standing over you, an angry look on his face. "I thought you didn't like going out."

"I-I can go where I please!" You jut your chin out.

"Fucking bitch. You're just spying on me, aren't you?" Your ex spat. Din clenched his fist, not liking the way this bastard was speaking to you. He could easily break this man's arm and hardly break a sweat.

"I'm not!" You cried shrilly. "I didn't know you'd even be here."

"What are you doing with him?" Your ex turned to Mando with a sneer. "Tryin to make me jealous?"

"Obviously it worked." You glared. "Now go away."

"No hang on- you're gonna come with me and we're gonna talk."

"I think it's time for you to go." Din rested his hand on his holster, his voice impossibly low. You shivered in your seat.

"Whatever." The man gave up, backing up a little. "Good luck with this one, Mando. She's a prude."

You looked down in shame feeling angry tears sting your eyes. It was hard to believe you once loved this asshole. Din felt his temper flare in his chest. Your ex finally left, looking over his shoulder a few times to watch you and Din.

"I'm sorry." You wrapped your arms around yourself. "I'll leave you alone now."

"I don't mind." Din said, surprising himself. He hated seeing you so upset. He thought about going up to that bastard and putting a hole in his chest, but that wouldn't make you feel better. "Can I get you something?"

"I don't know." You looked up at the bar trying to read the menu overhead.

"What kind of fake boyfriend would I be?" Din joked, hoping to see you smile. It worked. You let out a small giggle into your hand that made Din's heart constrict strangely. He ordered you a Tatooine Sunset.

"You don't want one?"

"No. Thank you." Din hesitated before adding "I don't remove my helmet."

"Ever?" Your eyes widened.

"Not in front of people."

"Oh." You took a small sip. "It's really yummy. Thank you."

Din noticed the prick from earlier still watching you both. "Come over here, ad'ika." He tapped the seat next to him.

"Why?" You asked, looking up from your cup.

"Because that nurf herder is watching us."

"Oh." You frowned, moving to sit next to Mando.

"Lean into me."

"Like this?" You asked again, tilting your head onto his cold beskar paldron.

"Yes. Good." Din nodded, enjoying the look of anger that passed over that bastard's face. "Sit closer."

"I-I am." You blushed, moving until your legs were pressed against him. He wasn't super comfortable with all the metal.

"On my lap, ad'ika." Din patted his thigh. He was being bold but something about your instant trust in him made him want to hold you closer. Feel your soft body on his. You go bright red as you stand and then perch on his knee. His gloved hand covered your lower back.

"Look at him." Din instructed, smirking behind his helmet.

"Oh he's so mad." You giggled. "This is fun, mando."

"It is, ad'ika." Din couldn't' help but agree.

"Wh-what does adeeka mean?" Your tongue got caught on the syllables.

"It means 'little one'."

"I'm-i'm not a child." You frowned, ducking your head. A weak objection as you were sitting in his lap right now.

"It's not just for children." Din placed another arm around your legs, pulling them more securely onto his lap. He regretted that he was in full armor because he could not feel you but that was also probably a good thing or else he'd be hard. You smelled divine.

"Mando he's still staring." You whispered against his cowl which was surprisingly soft.

"Shall we make him even more uncomfortable?"

"Mhm." You nodded, kissing Mando on his cool beskar helmet, where his cheek would be. "How's that?"

"You can do better than that." Din encouraged, enjoying the little game.

"Oh yeah!" You grinned, feeling your competitive spirit rising. "How about this?" You lowered your head, leaning against his neck, kissing him through the cowl. You could feel his warm neck and strong pulse against your lilps. He swallowed hard, his hand tightening over your thigh.

"We should walk out now. Really make him jealous." Din suggested, mostly to stop you from giving him a full on erection.

"Oh yeah." You hopped off his lap, taking his large leather clad hand in yours. "Come on."

Once outside in the warm sun you laughed at your antics. You had never had so much fun. You used to fear your ex. He was mean and cruel. You felt safe now that you had Mando. You tried not to worry what would happen when Mando was gone. Din watched you hungrily, beaming up at him, your face lit up in the daylight. He subtly turned off his tracking view in his visor so he could just see you without any distractions on his screen.

"Thank you Mando."

"You're welcome." He let go of your hand making your face fall. "What's wrong?"

"I want to keep playing."

"What do you propose?" Din felt his cock twitch behind his flight suit.

"I think he would be really jealous if I had marks on my neck." You suggested boldly. Din shook his head in disbelief.

"You are not a prude, you know that? I'm sorry he said that to you."

"I was only a prude with him. He was ugly." You grimaced but recovered. "You're beautiful, Mando, and I want- I want you. Not just to make him jealous but I want you."

"Oh Ad'ika..." Din chuckled. "We can do both."

This led to Din taking you in the alleyway behind the cantina. First he knelt down between your legs and fingered you until you were dripping into his hand. He wanted to watch your little cunt squeeze and flutter. Your little mewls grew louder and louder until you came with a cry. Din loved how innocent you were. You didn't even know how to be quiet. You didn't hide your pleasure. He hoped your shitty ex was listening. Hearing your sounds that he never got to draw from you.

Next he stood lifting you up with ease onto his hips. You were already delirious from your first orgasm you shot up to the stars when he entered you. You tightened your legs around his waist, holding onto his broad shoulders. All thoughts of being seen or herd left your mind. You were overwhelmed, Mando pushing into every corner of your senses along with your pussy.

"Fuck..." Din grunted, feeling your hot walls suck him to the hilt. It had been so long he realized how sensitive he was. And you were so tight. He held your ass up, pulling it to grind into him with every stroke.

"Oh Mando!" Your head fell back against the wall. "This-it's so good."

"Mmm you feel amazing, ad'ika. So fucking perfect." Din watched your face slacken with the pleasure he was giving you, your plush lips teasing him. He wanted to feel them. He wanted to put his lips over every inch of you. Your eyes were drooping, staring right into his visor.

"Stay with me, little one. Look- look at us." He fucked harder, leaning back slightly despite the ache in his lower back, watching the point where your flesh met. Your little swollen clit was sitting right on top of his dick, smashing against his pelvis with every stroke.

"Oh-Maker-I'm gonna cum again." You cried, scrabbling against his shoulders for better leverage. You wanted to fuck him back. Din readjusted his grip allowing one hand to be free to circle your clit.

"Who's making you cum?"

"You! You, Mando!" You cried feeling your stomach go incredibly tight then spasming with your orgasm.

"You think anyone else could make you feel this?" Din sped up also nearing his own climax. His voice was rough and torn up, cracking and stressing the voicecoder.

"No-no one else!" You answered eagerly, wanting to please him. "I don't want anyone else."

"Good girl. Fuck- you want to be mine?" He felt his cock twitching. He was seconds away from cumming inside of you. This was the last chance to pull out.

"I want to-be yours- please." You nodded vigorously, looking up at him so he could see you meant it. You dug your heels into his lower back. His grunts became short and quick with each thrust then he came abruptly, crashing his forehead against yours. You gasped feeling the spot where you were joined grow incredibly wet.

"Stars..." Din hissed feeling his pleasure prickle down his spine into his cock. "You mean it, ad'ika?"

"Yes. Show me the stars, Mando."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Din Taglist: @a-skov @pasckles

[x-avantgarde-x]

Oooh, as both a V for Vendetta and Phantom of the Opera devoted fan I feel the need to share my thoughts on this one! Though I’m mostly gonna be explaining V’s character and his dynamic with Evey (Natalie Portman), I have to agree with you that both V and Erik have a resemblance to one another.

Getting on with the explanation: set yourself on a absolutist regime, where the government has taken completely over the people, it has killed them, isolated, taken their loved ones, lives and freedoms and installed a fear within them far too strong to make them even think of a way out. V and Evey are both it’s products, they both have lost themselves because of their government and have been created by this government and the atrocities it has done to them.

But unlike Evey, V believes himself to be too far gone. He lost his humanity to this people and what remains is no longer a man (or so he claims), and upon meeting Evey he sees himself in her. In their time together he finds in Evey a girl lost in fear and oppression, but also that there’s still hope in her and for her.

Though his methods are brutal and twisted (mind you, their whole lives have been brutal and twisted from second 1), they are nothing but the the truth. V does nothing that those leading their country wouldn’t have done to her, and by doing so he opens her eyes to the reality of it all and gives her the tools to fight them back. It’s cruel, it’s dark, it’s not easy to stomach, but it is the wake up call she needed to liberate herself from the ties that held her and her humanity down. And in cutting them she builds herself again and finds once more the person that she is (free, powerful, strong, etc).

On Evey coming back to V, we have to take two different matters to take into consideration:

Even if everything that V did to her was repulsive and hurt her, it was the biggest act of love he could have done for her. Dark and horrendous as it is, he gave Evey her freedom and self back to her (or gave her the tools to reclaim them as I rather see it). V cared for her enough to not let her wither away and saw in her something that Evey herself did not see.

In the time they spent together, much to Evey’s delight and V’s dismay (sorry babe, you are still a human being) as well as V saw the woman hiding behind Evey’s fear, she saw the man behind his hatred and ideals. Evey met the man behind the mask, what he liked and disliked, his hobbies and weird fixations. She saw the man V had long forgotten he was.

And that’s why she fell in love with him the same way he fell in love with her. That’s why she came back to him, because she loved him and believed that he could have a life after all the revolution happened, just as V had seen a feature for her (and mind you V too wanted it, motherfucker wore a fucking steel cuirass in hope’s to survive don’t think I didn’t catch that). Evey loves him, evil and bad as he is at times (because fuck it, it was evil).

Same as Christine went back to Erik to give him back his ring after all he had done, because despite the ugliness she too fell in love with the man she found. (Ugliness as in murdering people for his own benefit or because he thought it right, no pun intended lol).

If you ever take into consideration reading the comics, the original source of V for Vendetta, you’ll see V’s and Evey’s more in depth and will come to understand their characters and relationship quite better (though they are quite different from their movie selfs, as usually happens in adaptations). Also, to everyone reading this, keep in mind that this is a commentary on the movie adaptation, I have far many more and way different things to say about the graphic novels.

I hope this wasn’t too much of a rant and was enjoyable to read! I tried to make it as enjoyable as possible while at the same time covering everything I thought important💕💕

I watched V for Vendetta for the first time today.

I loved it! It was a really gorgeous movie and the story was really interesting

I see so many parallels between Vendetta and Phantom, it was even pointed out to me out loud!

I like the idea of V. He’s well spoken, well-versed in art, and his costume is just super cool to look that. I like the idea of freedom that he represents too.

However, just like with Phantom, his character by himself is where I show admiration. When I see him in relation to Natalie Portman’s character, I can’t help but feel conflicted about him. The guy’s a straight up sociopath so his methods of helping her realise the taste of reclaiming your autonomy weren’t easy to watch.

I stopped empathising with him after the fake prison scene honestly. I was conflicted about the kidnapping to begin with but overlooked it because she would have been detained had he not done that. I can’t help but wonder why she came back to him. I had a feeling that she realised that she liked what he could have been when she watched his favourite movie but I wasn’t about to agree with falling in love with his potential since he put her through a simulation of his imprisonment.

Regardless, this movie’s a cool thought process on what freedom actually means, to not allow yourself to be held down by outside forces out of your control.

I wanted to talk about it since it had similarities with Phantom. What do you guys think?

[parvulous-writings]

Karl Heisenberg // SFW alphabet

Request: So there was no actual request, I just knew this would cheer up my closest friend. 

Dedicated to: @rey-is-not-a-skywalker

Summary: A sfw A-Z for Karl Heisenberg, from Resident Evil Village!

Warnings: Explicit language

Notes: Please, have some Soft!Heisenberg, bor. It’s one of the many, many things you deserve.  To those who have requested oneshots- I am working on them, please be patient! My requests are currently open! My pinned post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist!

Not my gif

A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) 

He’s never affectionate publicly. Behind closed doors, though- well maybe he’s not your stereotypical lovey-dovey type, but hey-ho, he shows it in his own little way. A few hugs, but mostly through making you things. Music boxes, little figures and robots that wind up, you name it, he’ll try and make it. 

B - Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?)

He’s not a friendly man, typically. He’s cold, and driven only by his motives. It takes a long time for him to warm up to you, but when he eventually does he is always by your side, whenever you should need him. Be it for violence, or for an ear to pour your thoughts into- even though half the time you swear he’s not listening completely. 

C - Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Heisenberg likes warm cuddles above all others. The kind where he can pull you close and hold you there for a while- he likes feeling you against his chest. It’s comforting to him, after years of no affection and a torturous living experience. 

D - Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking, cleaning, ect?)

Karl is not particularly skilled in any domestic skill. He’s very mediocre at cooking, and he can’t clean to save his life- his factory is littered with dust and other probably very harmful particles. He isn’t very good in a domestic environment at all, really. 

E - Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Blunter than a broken pencil I’m afraid. He’s never had to hide something from you in the past, so why should this be any different? He would not want to beat around the bush here, he’d annoy himself with pleasantries and euphemisms. 

F - Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? Do they wanna get married?)

He’s perfectly fine staying as partners, without marriage looming over the pair of you. Quite frankly, he doesn’t think it’s worth it.  “A piece of damn paper to show someone your fucking devotion? Bullshit.” 

G - Gentle (How gentle are they both physically and emotionally?)

Unless you’re shaking like a leaf or have specifically asked him to be gentle with or around you, he’s not going to be. He’ll treat you much how he treats most others- with a little bit of affection for zest and flavour every now and then. 

H - Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it, and what are they like?)

While he likes cuddles, he isn’t a huge fan of hugs. He thinks they’re too short to show any real affection, and often get in the way of whatever task the recipient is trying to perform.  

I - I Love You (How fast do they say the “love” word?)

S l o w l y. This man has gone through some stuff, and doesn’t want to get attached to people despite falling for you. Give him a chance. 

J - Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What are they like when jealous?)

Okay so he may be “non-committal” in a loose sense of the term, but this man is one jealous motherfucker. And he gets angry. I’m talking  punching the wall, lashing out and breaking shit kind of angry. It’s mostly because of a nagging fear that not only will he lose you to someone you think is better or less monstrous than he is, but also in part due to a feeling that because of what he was forced to become, he isn’t good enough to keep you for himself. 

K - Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He kisses you on your hands or neck mostly. Those are his favourite places to kiss you. He occasionally kisses you on the inside of your wrist. If you have any scars as well, he’ll kiss them. 

L - Little Ones (How are they around kids?)

It depends. Sometimes he’s the perfect uncle figure, others he’s a whirlwind of rage. If you’re taking him to see some children for a prolonged amount of time, please check how he’s acting and feeling on the day so there isn’t some sort of horrific accident. 

M - Morning (What are mornings like with them?)

There’s nothing special about them, he’s usually up long before you are. He doesn’t leave anything like a hot beverage behind, unless it’s a special occasion that he’s remembered- like a birthday or anniversary. 

N - Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

He often tells you to go to bed before him, as he’s usually working on something, and would rather not have to worry about you being down in his factory and workshop. 

O - Open (When do they open up about themselves?)

When he’s extremely angry. He gets riled up, then will start to spill facts and secrets while hardly even realising it. 

P - Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He has a very short fuse and a violent temper, to say the least. There’s a reason the man swears so much. Though he will often apologise if he’s scared you after an outburst. 

Q - Quizzes (How much do they remember about you?)

He remembers the basic things at the very least- Your name, your habits on eating and drinking, what you do to amuse yourself. He’s quite observant, actually. 

R - Remember (Favorite memory with you?)

He made you a small music box once. The past part of his day, or his entire week, was seeing your smile as you opened it and listened to it for the first time. It was the widest he’d ever seen you smile, and he loved the feeling it gave him. 

S - Security (How protective are they?)

Very. One particular other Lord- “Lady Super-Sized Bitch,” as Heisenberg has dubbed her- is very interested in your presence, and Heisenberg has made it very much his business to keep you practically under lock and key to keep you safe. And when Ethan Winters comes around? Ooh, boy. You ain’t leaving his sight. 

T - Try (How much effort do they put in?)

He does try- through making trinkets and gadgets to both help you and show his affection. Sometimes it may not always seem that way though, with his outbursts and his tantrums. 

U - Ugly (What are their bad habits?)

He smokes. You tried to get him to quit once, then stopped when you realised it made him more irritable. 

V - Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s not that concerned. If he’s still kicking... Well that’s all that matters to him. 

W - Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He’d feel that something’s wrong, something’s not right- a cog missing from a machine, in a sense. And he hates that feeling. 

X - Xtra (Random HC)

This man would die for some ice-cream. You bring him a tub of the stuff- BAM, instant good mood for the next like two days. 

Y - Yuck (Things they don’t like either in general or a partner?)

This man is not fussy, in the slightest. 

Z - Zzz (Sleep habits)

He basically doesn’t, he gets so little it’s a wonder he can actually function normally.