#but my brain wouldn't be able to sleep unless i put this out

[khainovo]

guilt

[reiderwriter]

🎱 Trust In Me When I Say 🎱

Chapter Four of That's What You Get

Pairing: Spencer Reid X Female Reader

Summary: What happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas, and now that you're back in Quantico, you and Spencer decide to seek some advice.

Warnings: none!

A/N: My laptop gave up on me tonight, so this one was typed out on my phone, just as the fanfiction gods intended. This one was fun to write, though, and I'm so excited for the next few chapters! Hope you enjoy it!

Check out the series masterlist and my general masterlist. Requests are closing in September for 1 month!

Spencer slept all the way back to Quantico, not once budging his hand from your leg or letting you know peace. You enjoyed the warmth of his hand between your legs, but masking your expressions after your original wake-up time was like working on a case all over again. 

You wished you could just curl up into his side and sleep again for another ten hours, still feeling the exhaustion of your night out. When the PA system pinged with an alert from the Pilot saying you were close to landing, you panicked slightly about how the hell you were going to get the man off of you. 

If you pushed his arm away, surely they'd see the movement under the blanket and think you had been doing something way less innocent than you had. If you just stood up and let his hand fall from your lap naturally, you'd be stuck awkwardly standing in your seat with nowhere to go. If you woke him up, there was no way of knowing how he would react. These thoughts chased each other around your brain the entire descent, while he slept on peacefully. 

Luckily, the landing seemed to wake him up naturally. Without a chance for second thoughts, you grabbed and squeezed his hand under the blanket, pushing it so it wouldn't move too much as he rose from his slumber. 

"Well, good morning, Spence," JJ laughed as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

"Looks like someone had a long, sleepless night. What was it? Got drunk and did some math for fun?" Emily teased. Your heart was jumping out of your chest now, praying that he wouldn't make any sudden movements and would realise the situation he'd gotten himself into. 

"Yeah, I guess it was a long one," he yawned out, finally moving to stretch his arms a bit when he realised the position they were in. He made a small jolt, the kind that you'd only know was a reaction if you were looking for it, and luckily, you didn't think either woman were. 

He turned his head to you, tracing his glance down his own arm, down to your lap, and pulling it back up to your face before sending you a questioning glance. He gently turned his hand over so it was facing palm up, and you held it in yours for a second. He squeezed it as if to ask what was going on but you shot him a look that said "don't ask," and thankfully he was able to understand you. 

"Hey, Y/N. How's your head today?" he asked, initiating the conversation so that your prolonged eye contact wouldn't be seen as suspicious. 

"Pounding. Uncomfortably. What the hell did I drink last night?" You let go of his hand now and bought the leg that he had been gripping desperately in his sleep up now, crossing it over the other. The movement was large enough to mask his hand, pulling away, and luckily, he did just that, taking the chance you gave him. 

"Three tequila shots, five high balls, six Long Island Ice Tea's, an ill-advised Jello shot from a promoter on the street and… And after that your guess is as good as mine." You rolled your eyes at him. 

"Listen up, team, the Director has taken into account the hard work we've put in this last month and granted us some special leave. You're free for the next four days unless there's something urgent." Hotch announced from the front of the jet, letting you escape the eavesdropped conversation. 

You hung back as everyone exited the jet, still trapped into your seat by Spencer, who was taking his time moving and grabbing his stuff. 

"You two coming?" Rossi looked back at you, the last of the team to exit before you. 

"Yeah, if wonder boy ever gets his move on. We'll be right down," you answer for the two of you. Rossi nods and doesn't ask any follow-up questions, leaving the two of you alone on the jet. 

"What the hell was that?" You whisper-yell at him quickly, somehow still afraid of being overheard. 

"I'm sorry it wasn't intentional! How long was my hand…. down there?" You could see him blush as he asked, and you had to hold back a laugh, entertained by his meek reaction. 

"Practically the entire time you were asleep, Reid. God, I know we've grown closer in the last twenty-four hours, but you don't need to be attached to me physically, you know?" 

"It was an accident, I swear!" he moved away from the seat now, his hands coming up in a surrendered position. "Why didn't you push my hand off, we were under the quilt. They probably wouldn't have noticed."

"Because I remembered a certain somebody blabs in their sleep if they're moved or disturbed, and I didn't want to explain why you were saying my name in your sleep."

"Oh, you think I'd say your name, Y/N? Do you think I was dreaming about you?" he questions you, suddenly growing in the space, standing a little bit taller, more confidently. 

"Yeah, I just– I just assumed you were… YouYou had that vice grip on my thigh and…" you tried not to stutter, sending a stressed hand through your tousled hair. You had just assumed that his dreams had been similar to yours. That he'd wantes you so badly that, even in his sleeping state, he'd reached out for you unconsciously. 

"Y/N, if I was dreaming about you, I wouldn't be mumbling your name in my sleep," he said, matter-of-factly, grabbing his bags and making his way to the exit. You stood silently waiting for him to continue. 

"I'd probably call out for my good little girl instead," he smirked and quickly left before you had a chance to hurl the blanket in your hands at his head. 

–X– 

You quickly followed him down the steps after that and joined the rest of the team back at the bullpen to collect your things. Rossi and Hotch had retreated to their respective offices by the time you reached your desk, never ones for letting paid leave get in the way of them doing their jobs. Penelope had also practically sprinted back to her tech cave, and you could hear her cooing sounds as she checked in on her system. 

"Well, I, for one, am heading out." JJ spoke confidently, grabbing her car keys and making her way to the elevators. 

"I'm right there with you, blondie," Derek said, stretching out his arms. "Four days off does not sound bad right about now." 

"Are you coming, Y/L/N? Reid?" Emily asked, making her way to the elevator ahead of you. 

"I'm gonna finish up a case file so I don't have to worry about it when we get back," Spencer replied. 

"I'm gonna check up on Penelope before we leave, see if she needs a ride." She shrugs but doesn't question the two of you, and you wave them all off to the elevator. 

Once the doors are fully shut, you're left alone with Reid in the lobby. Putting his earlier teasing aside, you turn to him with a serious expression. 

"What do we do now? Surely we have to tell Hotch, right?" you ask, finally acknowledging your marriage outside of Vegas. 

"I don't know, I don't particularly want that lecture." 

"Yeah, he kind of just has a way of staring at you that makes you disappointed in yourself." You shudder at the thought.

"We have to start somewhere, though, right? And it's not like Hotch was one of our witnesses. He'd have sooner arrested us than let us do that." You mutter to yourself.

"What about Rossi?" Spencer poses the question to you, and you look directly up at him for a second. He has that look on his face that he gets on cases where his eyes glaze over, and you can see he's remembering important information that could be relevant.

"Rossi's third marriage was a Vegas marriage, and they separated pretty quickly. It might be useful to go to him first. At least we'll get no judgement." He looked up at you when he finished, his eyes soft with a hopeful look, desperate to see if he'd made a helpful suggestion.

"Yeah. Okay, let's go ask Rossi."

You made your way up the stairs quietly, doing your best to act natural. Luckily, Hotch's blinds were drawn, and he seemed deep in paperwork, so he didn't notice your unusual path.

Spencer led the charge and knocked on the office door quickly twice before opening it.

"Spencer, Y/N, I thought Aaron was clear when he said we had time off now. To what do I owe the pleasure?" He looked up at the two of you from his desk,and you awkwardly glanced at each other before turning back to him, unable to find the right words to say.

"That bad, huh?" He laughed up at you from his desk but still waited for you to talk.

You took the plunge first.

"We fucked up and we need your help,"  you blurted out quickly, unable to stop the rambling when it took hold. Rossi only raised a single eyebrow at you in question, so you powered on.

"We got super drunk last night and ended up at the marriage licence bureau and now we're legally married and we need your advice because this happened to you before, too, and we thought it might be helpful to ask you for your opinion on what we should do next." You hardly took a breath throughout,only cutting yourself off when Spencer grabbed your hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Well, I'll be damned," Rossi pushed himself back in his seat, looking upon the two of you with fresh eyes.

"I guess celebrations are in order, correct?" He chuckled as you squirmed under his stare.

"We just wanted to know what the best way to go about this is. Should we register the marriage with the bureau, let Hotchner know, that kind of thing?" Spencer managed to ask, his fingers entwined with yours and his thumb drawing small circles on the back of your hand. 

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised," was all Rossi offered from his desk, and you snapped your eyes back to his. "But I don't know what advice I can really offer you right now that doesn't come straight from the FBI Handbook, and I'm sure you have that memorised, right, kid?" 

"All interpersonal relationships must be reported to your direct supervisor or team leader. Failure to do so could lead to termination or suspension if it is deemed to negatively affect your work," Spencer approximated the official guidelines.

"Here's what I will say. Take some time with it, but only a week, tops. If your problem goes away in that time, perfect, nothing to worry about. If it doesn't, tell Aaron at least." 

"So tell Hotchner in a week that we're getting a divorce, great, thanks," you tried your best not to sarcastic but you were tired and you were stressed and the words had a mind of their own.

"Hey, what was that thing you said to me a while back, kid? You never know when you're going to get the chance to experience new things at your age?" He smirked up at Spencer, happy enough that he got to feed him that line back from the case you'd worked in Atlantic City.

"Give it a week and tell Aaron. I don't care what you tell him, but only a week, okay? Because if you don't, I will. I don't particularly want to acclimatise to your replacements when you're fired for not disclosing this."

You nodded your goodbyes to the man and swiftly exited his office, making your way back down to the bullpen.

"I think Rossi's right. We should wait and tell Hotchner after we've got this annulment thing finished. And we still have to figure out who our two witnesses are." You let out the sigh as you turned to face Spencer, quietly engaging him in conversation. 

"Yeah, that sounds good. How about you meet me at my place tomorrow and we can talk about details and get the ball rolling?" he asked, looking at you with hopeful eyes. "Maybe we could see if we can jog our memories a bit as well, I have a few books on memory loss that I've been meaning to read recently, I'll get through them tonight and maybe they'll have some tips to help us figure out what happened." 

"Yeah, yeah, perfect. It's a date!" The words left your mouth before you could stop them, and you had to stop yourself from instantly clapping a hand over your own mouth in surprise.

"Like an appointment, something scheduled, not like a… not like a date-date. You know what I mean." He laughed at you a little before looking side to side, checking if anyone was in the vicinity. When he saw that there was no one around, he stepped closer to you, closing the gap between the two of you, and placed a small soft kiss to your temple before moving away quickly.

"It's a date. I'll send you my address later, but for now, you should go check on Garcia. Keep up our cover story, right?" He began walking backwards to the elevator  having grabbed his bag while you were stood mouth slack in surprise. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'll go do just that. Bye."

"Goodbye, Mrs. Reid," he said, stepping into the elevator, the doors closing before you had a chance to chastise him. 

You stood there for a solid two minutes, just staring at the place the man had been, desperately willing your heart to go back to beating at a respectable rate. When it didn't, you knew you were in trouble.

Turning on your heel, you ran down the hall as inconspicuously as possible before throwing the door to Penelope Garvia's office wide open. 

"Penelope, I fucked up and I need your advice." 

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[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Science experiment reader please? The angst is feeding my soul 🥹💛

Jason let you settle back in on the couch and left you in the library, still rubbing his sternum and clearing his throat.

But you stifled a groan. Now that you were awake, you were awake. And you would be until your brain decided it was time to sleep. Worst. Parting gift. Ever. You didn't dream unless it was nightmares and you couldn't sleep more than an hour or two at a time. Cycling between being practical narcolepsy and no sleep at all. Walk it was, then.

At least that wasn't super demanding and if you stuck to your path it would take you somewhere you could scream and cry to your heart's content- maybe if you wore your self out you could pass out for a while in your hammock out there.

So. You go in search of Alfred to let him know you were leaving- the last thing you wanted was a panicked search party looking for you in the little clearing you made. You didn't doubt people knew where it was. They ran trainings in the woods all the time. People rambled out there all the time. But, everyone pretended they didn't know about it, and you appreciated it. It was small. Tucked back in a gap in the old growth, where there was a sliver of sky. But the trees still damped the noise and you felt far enough from people to feel... free. Even if it wasn't really true. There were still other emotions at the edges of it all.

"That was a short sleep," The butler observed, frowning slightly.

"Yeah," you sigh. "It's just like that sometimes." You knew you could probably say Jason had woke you up. He'd get in trouble. But- he got himself in enough trouble without your help. And being petty wouldn't really keep you off his radar, where you wanted to be. "I figured I'd go on a walk."

"The fresh air would probably do you some good," he hummed. "I'll prepare snacks. And ice water."

"Alfred, today is your day off I can always grab-"

He waved away your concerns easily and smiled slightly, "Humor me,. I like to feel useful."

You huff, half smiling and shake your head. "Thank you."

"My pleasure," he said, "now on with it. Go find a book to smuggle out, I'm sure there's a nice sunny spot somewhere." And when you give him one of your rare actual smiles, he figures, a few minutes of putting junk food in your plastic Zoltar lunch box and water in a metal container with green sparkles is worth it.

Especially when you come back later. Green sparkly knapsack slung over your shoulder- probably holding a blanket and a book or two. Whatever solace you found out there, he hoped it was enough to make the pain easier to bear.

___________

Bruce paced and watched the clock glancing at Alfred, "When did she leave?"

"Not long after noon, Master Bruce," the Butler said, not bothering to conceal his concern.

"How did she seem?" he asked.

"Tired," Alfred recalled, "But in good spirits. She took her knapsack. I gave her a few snacks and some water. I assumed she was simply going to find some quiet spot in the woods to read. When she hadn't come back by dinner I thought she might have fallen asleep."

"Hn."

"So," Dick said, "She's probably not lost or hurt. She probably knows exactly where she is."

"Probably," Tim said. "The trick would be getting back in the dark without a flashlight."

Bruce scrubbed his hand over his face. When he'd left you you'd been dozing off in the house. Having finally hit the right balance of quiet and comfort in your brain to be able to rest. "I'll go and-"

"Or you could go," Dick said, pointing at the Bat signal visible out the window.

"Damn," Bruce sighed. "Dick You'll have to go." Not just anyone could go. Especially not if you were asleep. It had to be someone you knew. And if you were in the woods- if they had to go get you from there... well. You were going to need gentle handling. And Dick would be able to do it.

Dick nodded and stood up. Watching Bruce and Tim leave to get ready to go. "Alfred, is Jason around?"

"Master Todd is unaware of this currently, I believe," he said.

"Can you keep him that way?"

"I can try."

[allastoredeer]

I’d love to hear about your radioapple headcanons!!

What do you think their love languages would be?

Who cooks for the other?

Have they ever considered sleeping in the same bed?

What would they bond over? Etc

Oooh hoo! I'm actually making them explore their love languages in the fic I'm writing right LMAO.

But yeah! I'll share some of my brain thoughts!!

Their love languages:

Lucifer's Lover Language: Gift Giving (he likes creating things, especially if he has someone specific in mind because that's when its got the most heart and effort in it, and people accepting his gifts and genuinely liking them mean the absolute word to him), Words of Affirmation (sometimes he just needs some affirmation, you know? Sometimes he needs to be told he's doing a good job), and Physical Touch (likes the closeness and intimacy of it, whether its cuddling, sex, or just holding hands).

Alastor's Love Language: Acts of Service (he shows his love by doing things for you, be it home cooked meals, picking up a few things for you, or killing someone. It's all in the name of love, baby!), Words of Affirmation (give him compliments. He needs them like air. if there's any stroking going on, it's going to be strokes to his ego), and Quality Time (arranged quality time, to be specific. I feel like he wouldn't like people popping up on him out of nowhere and dragging him off. Well, unless you're Rosie, maybe. Anyway, sometimes it's just being in his own room, doing his own thing, in the companionship of Lucifer's company. They can talk and argue and banter, but companionable silence is good too.)

Who cooks for the other?

Alastor.

Alastor def cooks for Lucifer when he actually enjoys being in his presence. He knows a lot of home-cooked meals, as well as a variety of desserts and sweets (even if he, personally, doesn't like sweet things). Some of it is because he enjoys cooking for people he likes, and some of it is just because it's a fun hobby to him. He likes learning how to cook new recipes, even if he might not like that recipe himself.

I think Lucifer knows how to cook. Maybe nothing extravagant or super complicated, but he can make a good dish. As soon as Charlie moved out, he kind of fell out of it, though. Anything he made for himself was Hell's equivalent of a microwaveable dinner. He just did not have the motivation, energy, or mental/emotional capacity to put a lot of effort into himself. He really enjoyed cooking things for Charlie, and I actually think he'd tried to cook Alastor's favorite dish as a surprise for him (for their anniversary, or an in-house date night, or just as a random act of love, because I feel like Lucifer would do a lot of spur-of-the-moment, random acts of love).

Have they ever considered sleeping in the same bed?

They did, eventually, when their relationship got to the point they felt comfortable doing that. Alastor likes his space, and he doesn't like people intruding on it. His room is his comfort zone. He doesn't mind physical touch, but it needs to be on his own terms. Sometimes, he's okay with cuddling up next to Lucifer, and sometimes he just needs his space while he's sleeping.

Lucifer can still be in the bed, he's just gotta stay on his side.

Lucifer, on the other hand, is a big cuddler. He's incredibly touch-starved from being on his own for so long, so he'll take the physical touch he can get. Alastor can recognize when Lucifer needs more physical touch, and he'll offer it so long as he's also mentally able to as well.

The more they get used to each other's presence, the more Alastor is open to Lucifer sleeping in the same bed with him, and indulging in physical contact. Lucifer is patient, and if Alastor wants him to stay on his side of the bed one night, he's fine with that. He'll get his cuddles again, eventually.

What would they bond over?

How bad modern television/entertainment is. It's all quantity over quality. There's rarely any real passion put into it. It's all to make as much money as possible, without putting life into the story.

Alastor is an entertainer. As a radio host, all he had to keep a captive audience was his voice and whatever other sounds he decided to use. It's all audio. And he has passion for entertainment. It needs flair! Drama! Charm!

All the modern stuff just feels so bland and lazy (and maybe he's a little too harsh on it sometimes. Even if he comes across something he actually likes, he'll NEVER admit it).

Lucifer just wants something good to watch, but anything he put on just didn't hit it for him. Sometimes, just sitting on the couch for hours watching cash-grab movies/shows made him feel even worse about himself, and creating ducks at least gave him some enjoyment, so he turned to that.

He doesn't have as much vehemence for modern entertainment as Alastor. If he finds something he likes, he'll happily watch it (much to Alastor dismay). But he rarely finds anything that REALLY intrigues him, so he just doesn't go searching for it very often.

I also think they would bond over their respective hobbies. Lucifer likes making and collecting ducks. Alastor likes collecting furbies. They go hobby shopping together. Alastor rearranges and dusts off his furbies, while Lucifer creates his ducks. They co-play.

Additional headcanons (some of which you guys might already know!):

Alastor Bottoms and Lucifer Tops (In this specific relationship. Lucifer, himself, is a switch (which is canon!), but Alastor doesn't like topping- or inserting any part of himself into someone else. It's icks him out. He's okay with taking on a more passive bottom role. He might be convinced to Top, maybe, but it rarely ever happens).

Alastor is sex neutral, in the way that he's okay with having sex when he feels up to it, but he's also totally fine with not having it at all (Except when Lucifer goes demon mode in bed, because he has a power kink, and he is ALL for that. It's the only time he'll be an active bottom during sex).

Lucifer has a very high libido. It dropped a lot in the 7 years that he isolated himself in his palace (and because of depression. Depression definitely had a hand in that too), but as he starts getting into a better mind space and getting the mental-health help he needs, his libido comes back full force. He'll never push Alastor into doing anything, and he's okay with taking care of his sexual needs on his own, he's just a very, very horny man. He loves the intimacy, closeness, and pleasure that comes with sex, and loves sharing that with his partner. It's very important to him. It took a while for Alastor to really understand WHY sex is so important to Lucifer, as it doesn't really make sense to him, but once he did, he tries to be more active when they do have sex - or more proactive in initiating it (of course, only when he wants to, because you shouldn't force yourself to have sex with your partner!)

Alastor and Lucifer argue about the stupidest, most random, most insignificant things. It'll lead to full on shouting matches, and then 10 minutes later, they're chilling on the couch like nothing happened at all. They argue for the sake of arguing. The more heated, the better.

Annnd, that's all I have time for right now, but I do have more headcanons tumbling around in my head. Many thoughts.

These two are silly.

[elisedonut]

so hear me out

James Potter/Percy Weasley

probably the Percy/Marauder ship I've thought the least about

just by virtue of having to craft a scenario for it

Peter and Remus both already kind of have one built in (both kind of fucked up ones but you know it's there) And Pericus has that whole leaving their families thing to lean on

While with James when he died Percy was like five so like

you have to like decide what AU you want to play with

with that in mind take all of this with a grain of salt im making stuff up as go

Like I do think Time Travel could work with them possibly if the scenario played out well

and by that i mean I think that the time travel method itself has to be kinda obvious and that the Marauders have to be the ones to find him

My logic with this is

we already know because of Remus that James would be interested in something that screams adventure and intrigue because it's already happened once so i just think as long as nothing else is putting him off about him.

Then Percy coming out of seemingly no where despite this being somewhere like Hogwarts where he wouldn't be able to apperate would be able to fuel his curiosity for awhile

I keep just thinking that James is convinced Percy's just also a secret Animagus

Also Percy's kind of like Lily if you squint, and take a step back, and turn your head to the side a bit so could make for a rebound

The only thing here though unlike a lot of other Percy time travel ships I feel Percy would be pushing for James to still get with Lily

unless this more like an Alternate Universe time travel scenario where it seems like the characters in the past but them all of a sudden

*gasp* Myrtle Warren is still alive???

Or you know a different tell that's just the one I've personally seen used

Showing that it's always been a different world entirely

But yeah i don't think Percy would try to take Harry away from his siblings no matter how old he was when he went back so i think he'd still be pushing for James to end up with her

Which i mean could also be fun also it would be funny if it back fired

It could also work in that one Soulmate Au concept i really like

The whole "Meeting your soulmate stupid young is a sign of one of you not living to adulthood" concept

Though for that one my brain is thinking less about James/Percy and more about Harry & Percy

and as with any soulmate au what stupid laws would be in place in that kind of world and could Percy try to claim guardianship over Harry on account of Harry being his soulmates kid (and so by the laws eyes his too) Since I think Percy would be paying alot more attention to him in that kind of universe

Oh and also who Lily's soulmate would have been and also maybe a that person/Percy situation

Let's see let's see

There's the obvious(to me) scenario of the Map having something similar to clones

I've seen it done once with Sirius I want to say? but idk it may have been James

but it's where a part of what they did for the map was stupid and led to one or all of them ending up with copy's of their younger selves stuck in the map for years and stuff

point is easy way to make any ship you want with the marauders imo because it can put them in a situation where their old world is gone and their only choice is to pick up what they can and move along

Even more so with Weasley one's since we know the twins had the map for years so you can have James "wake up" at any point you want

and added bonus for James/Percy

Percy doesn't share a room with anyone so if you were to have it happen pre-war and have the Weasley's just take James in. It would make the most sense to room him with Percy since even if James is the youngest he could possibly be he'd be closer to Percy's age then to Ron's

Yeah yeah Bill and Charlies room would be empty so yeah he could stay there too and it would work too because then he'd be pushed to sleep in Percy's room when Bill and Charlie come to the burrow for holidays and such which could be just as fun because then they would have short times of not being used to it vs constantly being in each other's space

even though I do think Story wise him being pushed into Percy's room with him from the start has more potential for fun interactions tbh

Last one

James lived somehow au

Maybe only James and Harry

maybe they all lived somehow

Divorced DILF James/Percy

its a simple one but sounds fun to me

I have no other thoughts other then that though

Maybe Percy's a tutor for Harry or something idk

Anyway

Personality wise i think they could maybe work depending on how you interpret them and what directions you lean for them

James is an asshole but that's never kept me from shipping Percy with someone before

and James is a Quidditch boy and a Head boy like 👀 that's like two of Percy's types that i like to give him rolled into one If you find a way for James to live until middle age you can have him tick the older man box for Percy to

I do worry if i went looking for it though That Percy would be written like snarky/sarcastic and way mean for no reason and feel nothing like Percy to me and James like all the stuff i hate when reading really off (to me) Oliver depictions though so you know

Final answer idk Fun to consider though

[finniestoncrane]

Fluffy Socks for Dano and Gotham Riddlers. We know the canon ones, but what about Finnieverse's? Do they have any extras untold?

Destructive Habits

Riddler Headcanons finnieverse akhkjhasd ;-; ANYWAY yeah i had a few already but it was fun thinking up some more for them (also i did all the beans i had hcs for related to this oops!) request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: some sexual things! mostly just discussions about problematic behaviour and thoughts

arkham

i don't include it in a lot of my stuff, but i imagine he excessively smokes, like an inordinate and "how are you not dead yet" amount

he's got that obvious tendency towards alienating people, pushing them away so he can't be forced to experience feelings

i know he says that he makes himself perfectly nutritionally balanced meals, but that's such a weird thing to say unless you're an idiot who refuses to admit that they forget to eat, which he does, all the time

and he doesn't get enough sleep, on purpose. it's become like a game to him. how long can he go this time?

gotham

he's obviously got a tendency to be clingy and obsessive, but i imagine it could get to a point where it becomes co-dependency, which isn't great when it's someone who doesn't even know you exist

ignoring his mental health is also a bit of an issue for him. like he's either unable to recognise that he needs help or admitting that his very intelligent brain might have something that needs to be fixed would be too difficult

i also wouldn't put it past him to engage in impulsive/wreckless behaviours without thinking them through, just to see if he can do that. he'd usually so proper and organised, which he's been mocked for before. so the temptation to just go wild is there

young justice

oh my sweet beloved, so smart and ambitious. and yet, he suffers from the worst efforts in procrastination, mostly because he's afraid of failure so he'd rather put off doing something that complete it and do it wrong, let it be schrodinger's task

he's also very bad for being negative about himself to the point where those views have been ingrained in his little head and he believes them wholeheartedly

capullo

the man is a walking destructive habit, but let's start with his proclivity for engaging in risky sexual behaviours, so sex with people he barely knows, sex without protection, ignorance towards sexual health and sti testing, practising kinks without the knowledge or patience. it's a nightmare

he's also a fan of forced incompetence, preferring to act like he can't do anything so that someone else has to wait on him every minute of the day

look, i don't like it, but i think he would cheat on partners, especially if he was in a happy relationship. anything to make sure that he's not pleased in life, y'know?

which, related to that, he just hurts people he loves, or that he could love. that purposeful isolation in a bid to avoid all feelings he isn't comfortable with, which are all the positive ones, unforuntately

dano

oh, the sweet baby has been lured in by gambling and gaming, and for him they go hand in hand. he'll get lost in a video game for hours, dedicating his life to it. and he'll waste a lot of money on it, just to get better or to have the newest skins/upgrades etc. and in life, he gamifies everything, to the point where he'll waste time, money and effort on things that he should be able to just leave alone or ignore. and with the lootbox culture, he's found himself also intrigued by gambling, which he's certain you can be good at. it doesn't come down to luck, apprently

he'll ignore happiness in order to wallow in self-pity, because he's more comfortable with that. he knows what he's doing when he's at home, moping around and lamenting about how no one loves him or cares for him. trying to find love or affection is scary, so he won't do it

and, a typical chronically online boy, he is addicted to doom-scrolling. he'll purposefully seek out horrible news and avoid the good stuff, and he'll compare himself to everyone else he sees online just to bolster the self-pity and poor self-image

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Had a dream about a magic school AU. Like... Literally my school but with magic and with Roxy as a protag because Blorbo. She was the only one in the school without magic so every magic lesson, she'd literally just take a nap on the desk. What else is she gonna do?

But also I dreamed how she was compensating for not having magic. She was mixing chemicals into explosives to win fights and like... Yeah it's kinda hard to argue against the dog with Potion of Kaboom™���

However, because it was a dream, my brain combined the Glams with the cast of Ni No Kuni 2 and got very confused when I woke up because the Kuni 2 cast actually fit a magic environment but FNaF guys do not lmao

There was also a bit where Roxy not having magic means naturally, she doesn't rely on it to solve problems. So while everyone was given the task of making a candle go out without blowing on it, she just. Stared in absolute bafflement as everyone around her immediately dove to figuring out spells that extinguish flames. Instead of just. Water. From the tap. Right next to them.

She decided to freak them out a bit for fun and when the teacher asks for volunteers to come forward to show what they've come up with, she immediately puts her paw up and gets called on. She wets her paw under the tap before anyone has their attention on her, walks up to the candle at the front desk, turns so everyone can see, says all professional "Today, I've learned..." pauses and then... just pinches the flame out. Literally just pinches the wick between the paw pads on her fingers and it goes out immediately. "That you guys are idiots." And walks back to her seat in silence with a smirk.

Naturally, a bunch of kids are yelling that she can't just do that what the fuck?! But she did just do that. It took her half a second to do what's taken all of them a good forty minutes to figure out at least. Teacher asks how she knew that would work and she just "you can't have a flame without oxygen. Obviously." and you get a chorus of "WHAT" and "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?!" She's so damn smug about it lmao these people make showing off too easy sometimes.

Like sure, she physically can't pass a mandatory magic exam unless she's able to figure out ways around it, but she can at least fuck around in lessons lmao. She tried skipping them but they started getting on her family with all the typical mandatory attendance shit so she has to go now :/ she just sleeps in them or fucks with people for fun since everyone likes to flaunt their magic on her every day anyway. Eat shit assholes she knows how to put fire out with minimal effort!

I think there was also a bit about her trying to convince teachers that a non-magic sports club would be a good idea?? And failing miserably because they just don't see the value in a magic school with non-magic sports. Thinking now, she could probably make her own club after school but probably wouldn't get that much traction with it... Resenting her family and teachers and every power that be forever because she could be a top student and could be doing amazing in school if she was just in a non-magic focused one. But she's stuck here and it sucks.

I don't know where I'd go with the story but eh it's neat I like it! Definitely different to my normal stuff!

[awakefor48hours]

The Rewritten Maribug Fic

[Fanfiction.net] || [AO3]

[Chapter 1] || [< (2) Prev Chapter] || [Next Chapter (4) >]

More Maribug fic, this was supposed to come out nearly a week ago but ADHD brain took control. Anyway onto the crack

Marinette woke up exhausted. She didn't get much sleep last night, all she could do was think about how her relationship with Cat Noir would be different.

After their failed date as Marinette and her failed romance as Ladybug, she really has screwed herself.

Thankfully, school could be a healthy distraction for her. Doing studies on the Peloponnesian War until she was cross-eyed should work. Sure, they were currently studying about the importance of the Mediterranean Sea to Italy but what was another topic to study on top of that. Besides, you never know when someone wants to know a random fact about the Peloponnesian War and the Mediterranean Sea.

She got out of bed, got dressed, brushed her teeth, then quickly ate breakfast. She was ready to get through the day

As she ran out the bakery, the sight of her school filled her with glee. Healthy distractions, here she comes.

She quickly walked to Mlle Bustier's class and sat down next to Alya.

"Woah, Marinette, you look a bit worse for wear." Alya commented.

"Thanks, Alya," Marinette said, with drowsiness and sarcasm laced in her voice. "I think I look great too."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. You just look beat than usual today and from what I know you didn't have any 'extra homework'," she signaled using air quotes, "to do last night."

Marinette looked around for a moment. It didn't seem like anyone was paying attention to her, good. She put her backpack on the desk in front of her and started to whisper to Alya. "Well I did have 'homework' last night. Last night, I told a certain someone something really embarrassing."

Alya put her bag on the desk too. "Wait, did you tell..." she paused for a moment to look around then said in a quieter whisper. "Cat Noir, something embarrassing?"

All Marinette could do was nodded as she felt her blush overtake her face.

"Well what did you tell him?"

She almost didn't want to say but if anyone would be able to give her advice, it was gonna be Alya. She took a deep breath and was about to tell her but then she heard a voice behind her.

"Marinette?" She knew that voice, that was Adrien. Oh no, why now? Did he overhear their conversation? What was she supposed to tell him if he did?

She didn't have time to think about any more questions because Alya turned Marinette's head to face Adrien.

Now that she was facing him, she didn't know what to say. Was she just supposed to say "hey, if you heard us talk about Cat Noir very suspiciously behind our backpacks, it's not for any suspicious reason, we're actually planning on throwing him a surprise party!"

Wait... that could actually work. It wouldn't be weird to want to throw a super hero a surprise party. What would the party look like? Well it would obviously have to be cat themed and there'd be many cheesy cat puns. There would also obviously be desserts, she could make them herself and -- DAMMIT MARINETTE, FOCUS!

"Hiiii, Adrien." She finally managed to squeak out. "Fancy seeing you here." What she was talking about? He goes to school here.

"I guess it is," he said. "I just wanted to ask you about something."

"Sure, go ahead and ask." Was it about a surprise party for Cat Noir? She hoped it would be about a surprise party for Cat Noir.

He pulled out his phone and showed her a few pictures from a few nights ago. "I saw that you went on a date with Cat Noir," this could still lead up to asking about a surprise party, "and I was just wondering... if someone like him is your type?"

Why was he asking? What would he have to gain from asking her about people she likes... unless... Nope! No way, the ship for the two of them has passed. She couldn't admit her interests until Monarch was defeated.

"Oh that, well after that day I actually realized that he's not my type!" She tried to think of the right thing to say at this moment. "I mean sure he's confident, caring, strong," at this moment she forgot to think as she kept talking, "his muscles are amazing, he has those cute pointy ears..."

As she was listing things she liked about him, she felt a tap from behind her.

"Wow, Marinette," Alya said, "it sure does sound like you like Cat Noir a lot from the very limited time you spent with him."

She took that moment to feel appreciative of Alya. Had Marinette kept going, she was going to reveal too much and definitely out her identity. But how does she fix the situation she's in now? She pretty much just said she loves Cat Noir after mentioning he's not her type.

She had to start thinking again, where does she go from there.

"Yeah, after the time I spent with Cat Noir I realized something..." what was she going to say? "We were compatible but there was just something wrong."

That seemed to intrigue Adrien. "Oh, what was it?"

Moment of truth, here she comes. "I've realized that I just didn't have a crush on him, I actually have a crush on Ladybug."

She wanted to shrivel up and die. She's been thinking about the fact that as Ladybug she told Cat Noir she had a crush on Marinette so obviously admitting she had a crush on herself was the thought she had in her head all day. But did she have to tell the same stupid lie twice?!

Marinette ignored the panic and looked at Adrien who now looked far too excited. "Really?! You really have a crush on Ladybug?!"

She can't exactly say "no" now. "Yeah... I do."

"That's so cool to hear, Marinette!" Why was he so happy? "You know, I used to have a bit of a crush on Ladybug." He did! "So it looks like we have that in common."

"Yeah..." Adrien had a crush on her?! "I guess we do."

Adrien left smiling as if he won a prize.

What just happened? Whatever may have happened, it sure was a bit stupid.

Marinette felt exhausted again. She just wanted to go home and lie in bed until the end of eternity.

"So..." Alya said cutting through Marinette's internal turmoil. "Marinette, when were you gonna tell me you had a crush on Ladybug?"

Marinette turned around and hid behind her bag again. "I was about. You know that 'extra homework' we mentioned?"

"Wait..." it didn't take much to put two and two together from that. "You told Cat Noir that you..."

"Have a crush on myself." Marinette finished before slamming her head into her desk.

There wasn't anything more they could say to each because Mlle Bustier had started class.

Time for those healthy distractions. Right now, that distraction would be Mesopotamia.

Right, so that's the end of this chapter. I literally have no idea where I'm going with this I just know it's going to be silly especially now.

[ohgodimyearning]

Not really an imagine or anything but on the subject of clockboy; does he make sound? Like ticking? Is he clockwork inside to move around or is he just designed to look like the real clock face (when you draw him humanoid that is). I like your art a lot and love picking peoples brains when the “canon”(?) real life equivalent of their FO doesn’t have a humanoid body. You two are super cute :>

OH Boy....... i have. so much like, "lore" about him it's unreal but i dont have much written down nor is it like, comprehensible. but this stuff, i DO have pretty well thought out so here's some ramblings...

on the topic of sounds:

he has a few sounds he can make, the most notable being the tick-tocking like his real life equivalent does. and for those unfamiliar, this particular rendition of the Clock Parade music has his tick-tocks at the beginning

in this version of the music, it goes in order of tick-tocks, the "jumble" music, drumroll and trumpeting, the parade music, "announcement" chime, and then hourly tolls -- of all that, the only other sound he can make as the humanoid version are the hourly tolls (the "bongs," if you will)

i think SOME of the sounds you can hear in the "jumble" he could potentially make, as well, but since the way the facade is animated during it, i don't think his humanoid form would have the like, "anatomy" for it. for simplicity sake (and my lack of good enough hearing to pick apart all the sounds and figure out what would make sense and/or be cute), he cannot make any from it in particular

so we have tick-tocks and bongs... i think he could make additional chimes (think of chimes from more standard clocks that are like small bells going off on the hour or something) but that's probably about it

he cannot talk (in my lore, when he was made, they were unable to give him the ability to speak, and he has denied the idea of being "upgraded" to be able to), and that's really the only thing im super picky about people depicting about him sound-wise.

im kinda leaning toward making him part-toon since the attraction is SO close to Toontown in Disneyland and TDL so it'd be kinda cute, so if i go that route, he could probably make any sounds that would fit any applicable gags or something idk

on the topic of clockwork aspects:

obviously as a humanoid he doesn't function like a big ol cuckoo clock like he does on the facade, but he isn't organic so he's got some clockwork aspects to him! from his ref, the main things are the gears on the back of his head, and the doors on his chest that open to a pendulum

the gears suck to draw which is why I don't draw him from the back if I can avoid it LMFAO

the gears are essentially his "brain" -- they're constantly moving at a relatively slow pace. i don't think they can be stopped (unless someone gets their finger stuck in there but why are you putting your hands back there?! even i wouldn't do that!) but SHOULD they get stopped, he wouldn't like, die or go brain dead or something. they can probably change speed (like slowing more when sleeping, racing when anxious, etc) but it's not like, super noticeable when you're facing him

the pendulum in his chest is his "heart" and is also constantly moving. however if THIS stops, he does pretty much enter an immediate state of rest/hibernation. again, this stopping wouldn't kill him, but i don't think it's pleasant to have it stop... it'd be more akin to passing out than to a heart attack though (but that's partially because it's absolutely happened a few times to him and also i dont wanna think about my favorite character having a heart attack when i get health anxiety about it... anyway)

the pendulum is what dictates how fast his tick-tocking is. the default rate of it is whatever BPM* his actual tick-tocks on the facade irl are. his pendulum fluctuates speeds much more frequently and the "rule" is they have to be divisible by a second, but it's not something i'm picky about and is kinda hard to explain lol

*I think the song is around 120 BPM and he definitely is not moving that fast like... i think his ticks and tocks are spaced like, 1.25 seconds apart or something REALLY weird. it's not a 1:1 ratio like a standard clock and it is the only thing i would change about him

OH and also, in my non-canon alt design of him, his chest does open on the quarter hour to show the time. only time it doesn't is when he's sleeping/resting. he can probably latch it closed somehow but it's probably a Whole Thing

[panfluidme]

Experiments Gone Array

Master Post

(Idea for story comes from Swanatello by @tangledinink)

CHAPTER ONE: DISCOVERY

Donnie stood up, grabbing his contacts and put them in. The world around him unblurred as he left his room to go to his lab. His legs nearly gave out when he got to the doorway.

"What the fuck," he mumbled as he steadied himself.

Taking a moment, Donnie took a deep breath and deemed it as a lack of food and water. Internally grumbling, he made his way to the kitchen for some brekky.

What sounded good?

He could have some leftover pizza, but Mikey would surely have taken it by now. He could have some flavorless juice, but did he really feel like cleaning up after himself?

Shelldon was still offline, so he wouldn't be able to do that for him. Hopefully Shelldon will be back online soon. Donnie truly did miss his greatest creation.

Was this what it felt like to lose your kid?

If it was, god how Donnie hated this feeling. He was lucky that Shelldon was a robot with an AI code that Donnie had saved in his computer's hard drive as a backup in case if his physical form had gotten destroyed, and not a mortal child with flesh.

Donnie shook his head and soon regretted that action. It made his head swim.

That was unusual. Even whenever Donnie woke up dehydrated, he rarely felt this dizzy unless if he had been smacked on the back of his head with something.

Eh, maybe he accidentally hit his head while he was tossing and turning. It wouldn't be the first time.

"Mornin'," Raph greeted, his voice gruff. "How'd you sleep?"

Donnie shrugged as he grabbed a banana. "It took me a while to fall asleep. There's so much to be done that my brain wouldn't shut off."

Raph nodded, not truly understanding that feeling. "I see."

"Do we have coffee?"

"I think we're almost out. But you really shouldn't be drinking so much."

"I don't drink as much as Leo does. He drank my last energy drink, and I need caffeine to function. You don't want to be around me if I don't have any in my system," Donnie explained as he started heating up some water to brew coffee.

Raph rolled his eyes. "Mikey's going to make some pancakes if you want any."

"Where is he?"

"Bathroom. Shouldn't be too long."

Donnie nodded and sat down. A pit formed in his stomach, but he couldn't figure out why. He knew something bad was going to be coming into light soon. But he didn't know what it could be.

Everything was perfect. Everything was the way it should be. There hadn't been any drastic changes in his life for a few weeks. He could rest easy without fear of something changing the course of his life yet again.

So why did he feel such a strong sense of dread?

Donnie stood up and grabbed a cup of water. He quickly gulped it down then filled the cup back up and gulping it down again.

"Whoa, slow down there, Don," Leo said as he walked into the room. "Don't want you to choke on your drink."

"Scoff, I'm fine." Donnie emptied another cup of water within seconds. "I just haven't had anything to drink in several hours and my throat feels very dry."

"So chugging water like a maniac is going to help?"

"Yes."

—

'Today had been such a normal day. Nothing was too out of the ordinary. Why did this have to happen?' Donnie thought as he stared at the screen.

He had a feeling that he needed to do some blood work on himself, so that's what he did.

Now, he was staring at the results, which read:

"ABNORMAL AMOUNT OF RADIATION DETECTED IN BLOOD. SUSPECTED TWO YEARS LEFT TO LIVE IF PRECAUTIONS ARE NOT MADE OR TREATMENT IS NOT GIVEN."

"Shit," Donnie mumbled. "That's not good."

Chapter Two

[snow-and-saltea]

aaaaaa had a rough couple of days. im gonna just start writing about them here under the cut so i can verbalize what i went through

i couldn't sleep well for the past few days, like running on naps and 2-3 hours of sleep or smth, and 2 or 3 days ago i crashed and slept for a full day. and i felt so guilty. it was funny because i wouldn't feel guilty if i was alone; i felt guilty bc i was afraid i was gonna get yelled at and stuff, smth abt not being able to win either way even if i do sleep or not, so i figure id better choose to not sleep and appear energetic, visible and action oriented so my mom doesnt figure out im slipping back into a breakdown

anyways. i remember being really weirded out bc ive always associated that heavy sleepiness with me taking my sleepy meds, which ive not been taking on purpose for a few months now (unless i really need them, once or twice a month randomly). so ive been just running on manic anxious energy just to keep myself appearing functioning so no one will have anything to criticise me for and i think i dipped so much into the manic i became extremely paranoid, being deeply misanthropic, hating my friends for not knowing how badly im hurting despite not telling them explicitly that im hurting, feeling alone and scared, easily scared and on edge from sounds and stuff, not being able to calm down and relax bc of the imagery in my head.

then i realised i was obsessively making myself feel paranoid by rereading texts, interpreting someone's probably innocent motives badly, etc etc. so i decided to uninstall the thing so that i physically would only be able to do that behaviour on my computer, which i rarely use to actually talk to people + me being tired makes me lazy to exert the energy to make conscious decisions to open the computer, type in my password, open the app, wait for it to load, and do the thing. theres a lot more steps in between so theres a lot more chances for me to turn away to do something different, and bc im already very tired just thinking of all those steps demotivates me from wanting to do it, even though my manic paranoid brain wants me to. self manipulation ftw

it was really hard to talk. it felt like everything i said or wrote came off as so flat and curt that i was always worried that i came off as angry bc i know how i usually sound more... energetic. or emotive. everything i say sounds sarcastic even though i mean in a neutral way, i just don't have the energy to consciously control my tone to make sure people know im harmless. i just don't have the energy to maintain social niceties bc it feels like there's so much information to juggle.

i think its also like. i mean ive talked about it in therapy before but i have some sort of... compulsion? or obsession? with being "consistent" in my personality or behaviour. means if i had a bad day i dont wanna behave like i had a bad day. i want to behave like nothing happened to me, because it feels too revealing and opens me up for targeted insults when i unintentionally let people know (through my behaviour) that im having a bad day, and in the case of my parents, itll devolve into them trying to fix me, feeling frustrated that they can't. so i just dont let them know so we don't have to reheat that soup again. i do that by appearing peppy, pretending ive got the message they were trying to teach me and learned the lesson, put myself down before they can, etc. and even just saying that and writing that down that my behaviours are intentional, i already feel So vulnerable bc it feels as though im now inviting scrutiny. i already feel like i want to fuss around w my fingers bc i want to do something. i feel so weird. i kind of want to crawl back into my skin

and im so sensitive to slights and any signal of rejection from friends that at any small sign i think someone doesn't really care but is being nice, i shut down. i think im quite sensitive to that. its so... difficult to let other people take care of me. to entrust themselves to their care, bc i worry that they're not going to care for me as much as i care for me in the places im tender at, and its really scary to just have to do that without any single preparation of what to do if i get my feelings hurt in the process but i feel like itll be insulting or disrespectful to the other person's efforts of helping me. bc i want to be nice to them. and reciprocate. but it's difficult. and i don't know what to do other than just try to see them in good faith cus beggars can't be choosers, so i cant comment on any care i get cus i don't get a lot of it. i guess

hmm. this is very uncomfortable to talk about. i feel very pathetic. but at least i put it out here so that's something i guess. writing all of this out, this really emphasizes the reason i can't talk to friends about it. its so heavy and intense. no one asked to carry that weight, not even me. how could i ever put this burden on someone else i care about. i think id rather die

sorry that was a shitty note to end on, i don't think i can force a positive conclusion out of this. my head hurts from crying so im gonna get some water

[iwrite-sinsandtragedies]

Hi, I'm back 😩

Sorry for just like, dropping off the face of the earth there for a hot minute, but my life has been this specific brand of absolute dogshit that has left me hiding under the floor boards - quite literally - since mid october, and I'm only just starting to get my battery back to like, maybe 10% again now.

TMI under the cut, and probably quite a bit of a ramble;;

SO.

Life has been shit. Like, shit shit.

Like, I'm warning you now, this is trauma and abuse shit.

Suffice to say that I'm the kind of person who tends to get taken advantage of and not speak my feelings or stand up for myself. It comes from a place of pretty severe trauma and mental illness, of course, but knowing that and knowing myself doesn't make things any easier in my life really. It just makes me self-aware and subsequently frustrated at my own slow progress.

For example, at present: I've been locked inside my room since the above mentioned, mid october. I have to ration food and water, I can't be too loud for fear of being caught, I sneak out for one bathroom break a day, if I'm lucky, and I have had to work with sanitary wipes instead of showers since this bullshit began - which is fine for the body, but fucking useless for the hair 🤷‍♂️ this wouldn't be such an issue if I didn't have eczema, but I do and so I am suffering, I guess.

Why, do you ask? What has caused this situation? Stupidity has caused this, my friend. Stupid people including my stupid self.

For a bit of backstory context: Several years back, I was chased out of my house by an abusive family member. It was 30 below and I had nowhere to go but, I remembered someone offered to help me, if I ever needed it - so I ended up on his doorstep! He happily took me in as he was like a father to me. There was no expectations for me, it was clear I was abused and traumatised (I was horribly malnourished and anemic at the time) and I was a naturally reclusive and quiet person anyways. So they gave me an old dusty room and left me be.

They being him and his father. For simplicity's sake, we will call them Dad and Gramps. I'll start by saying that I love and adore my Dad. Also, I don't hate Gramps, despite all he's done to me. Even if sometimes I think I should.

Gramps is an old cowboy. Crass and backwards and poorly educated. He's spent his whole life working and drinking and smoking and driving really really fast. He thinks insulting people is how you make friends and his favourite past time as a young man was starting fights. He's had several failed marraiges and has several dozen people (related or not) that call him dad. He's done more than anyone that I've ever met but that also means he thinks he knows more than anyone and no one can tell him what's wrong or right.

He's got a lot of good and bad qualities. Is what I'm saying.

Among those bad qualities, unfortunately, is sexual harassment. Which, I suppose should have been a very clear and blarring warning sign right from the beginning but, as a survivor of child abuse and SA, my boundries have always been miles behind from where they should be. Additionally, I had nowhere else to go 🤷‍♂️ it took several months and me getting visibly angry with him and telling him about my previous abuse before he finally stopped slapping my ass but, his language towards me never really fully went away;;;

Despite this, I stayed. I was unemployed and terribly ill and struggling to get through my previous traumas and depression, so I stayed and helped around the house however I was able to make up for me occupying space. The room I was staying in was musty and filled with mice and their filth, so I had to clean the space. The big old bed was filled with droppings (inside the boxspring especially) but Gramps refused to let me get it replaced unless someone would pay for it. So I layered it up with a dozen blankets and it's still the bed I sleep on to this day. In my brain, it wasn't much different from the bed that I had as a child, so I just put up with it 🤷‍♂️

As the years went on, my health continued to decline. The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong, they tossed around words like 'heart failure' but wouldn't confirm a diagnosis. My muscle wasted and I was never able to catch my breath, I started having fainting spells. At my worst, I would spend days in bed.

Despite all this, I somehow became Gramps's unofficial caretaker. Unbeknownst to me, his whole family couldn't stand to put up with him because he would complain for sympathy and demand to be waited on hand and foot. I can't deny that I'm gullible, so when he started his sob stories, I went out of my way to help. If you can't tell by now, my fawn response is pretty strong - I've been told more than once to consider myself before other people but, it just never occures to me in the moment, I guess.

And so, I took care of him. No matter how aggrivating he was, no matter how often he belittled me or insulted me, no matter how stubborn he was or how little he listened to me; no matter how disgusted I was at the kind of things he suggested to me. It was nothing I hadn't dealt with before so I just 🤷‍♂️ put up with it - like an absolute fucking idiot.

This went on for several years.

It affected everything I did. My health never got better because I was too busy taking care of him (and others) to set time aside for myself. My friendships were impacted and even started to decay in several instances because of my declining mental state. It felt like, no matter how hard I tried to mend things with people, to keep up face and hold things together, it all just kept slipping through my fingers - until I had nothing to hold onto at all.

In the beginning of 2023, Gramps got diagnosed with cancer.

Now, an additional note that I should add here is that his family throughout all of this was entirely absent. In those several years I was caring for him, I was calling 911 nearly once a month for his heart or his breathing or because he stumbled and fell. I was helping him get dressed and cleaning his (and his friend's who is also an asshole old man) shit and piss off of the hallway and bathroom floors. I was cooking his meals and giving him baths and sitting on his bedside in the middle of the night when he had a breathing attack or got too lonely. I was buying his groceries and carting them up two flights of stairs, I was fixing his tv and enduring his fits of anger and yelling and pandering to every nonsense request he had on top of that. On top of all of my own problems, I was entirely alone in taking care of him.

When he got cancer, I was still entirely alone in taking care of him.

When he started getting angrier, more stubborn, more vocally abusive. When his diabetes spiked and his eyes started going blind and he was swearing and yelling at me because he didn't want to go to his appointments or use a walker or a wheelchair despite not being able to see 5 feet in front of him. When he refused to eat, when he refused to let me sleep.

When he started with the verbal threats of violence.

When he started touching me again.

And I had nowhere else to go.

I tried to ask for help. I genuinely did. Which is honestly a huge blarring warning sign for me because, if I'm asking for help, I'm probably close to a mental break - and I was - but, despite me saying, mulitple times to multiple people "I need help. I can't do this. I'm out of my depth. Can someone help me." No one ever did.

It all came to a head shortly after my friend group fell to pieces. I just wanted everything to turn off after that. Gramps and I got into an argument, a real proper one where I finally got angry back, and he took a swing at me and I decided that was enough. I was done. I went into my room and locked the door and curled up in bed and did my best to ignore his threats and his yelling. I cried until I fell asleep and thought about killing myself and I continued to think about it for the next two days. The entire time I was in there, he was upstairs, right above my head, promising to call the poliece to kick me out or promising to beat my face or break my neck.

I texted my Dad, I told him how I felt. He called his sister and she took over where I left off.

I still had nowhere to go 🤷‍♂️

So now, here I am, over 3 months into this bullshit. I filed for emergency housing within the following week of that madness and I've been hiding in this room and waiting ever since. My laptop was packed up in an emergency bag for the first month and a half / two months since I was in perpetual fear at that point of making even a whisper of noise or being caught without my bags packed and ready to go. I've had one dear and solid friend that's stayed with me and helped me through the worst of this all, even despite being an ocean away. Without them, I don't think I would have made it this far tbh.

So!

As you can probably tell, tumblr has been the LAST thing on my mind lately 😂 I've only really started coming back to it in the last month or so and I have just had no energy to put towards my blogs at all.

But, I'm slowly coming back!

I have a few drafts saved, so I'll probably trickle those in eventually. OL has been on my mind as of late, as well as BG3, which is why I'm posting here again at all. So, I hope to do something with this little sprout of inspiration that's managed to grow out of my head.

In the meantime, yeah 🤷‍♂️this is where I've been, under the floor boards, hiding in the dark, and just biding my time until I can escape.

Sorry for the long ramble! But also, not sorry at all, because this is my blog and all that 😂 For me, it's nice to finally put all this down somewhere, at the very least. Hopefully I won't have anything to complain about again for a long while after this. Honestly, I'm just hoping that I get that email soon that says there's finally somewhere safe for me.

[seinfieldyaoi]

Having a good social life would alleviate my sadness and my exhaustion and the fact that I often see no purpose in living or waking up or going on social media or drawing or doing pretty much anything. Having close friends that I can have genuine conversations with daily would help me immensely. Too bad it'll never happen because for some reason I am doing something wrong by existing and nobody wants to interact with me because of it, I'm doing something wrong by trying to talk to people, I'm doing something wrong by initiating conversation and asking people questions and trying to make them feel welcome in my presence, enough to crave interaction with me, talking or hanging out or just being around one another for elongated periods of time. I follow almost all of the advice I am given on how to make friends: make it all about them, relate to them, initiate the interaction, be happy and smile, listen to every word they say. But it still disgusts them? The advice that they gave me and give to others disgusts them when I put it into action? People tell me to just talk to people and that it's not that hard-it is that hard for me. The funny part is that I don't even know why it's hard. I don't try to make it hard. I dont not try to talk to people. Thats not the issue. Whenever I try to talk to someone, they get uncomfortable around me instantaneously, even when I put on a smile and a happy voice, make jokes and make the conversation about them and their life, be empathetic with them. I dont know how else to do it. Nobody taught me. I was supposed to be naturally able to make friends, but now that I know that I can't, I know this world isn't built for me. I can't even make friendships with the people who are bad at making friends, too. It's something in my demeanor, in the questions I ask or the way I talk, that makes people not want to be around me. The worst part is that I'm the only one who can't see it. Anyone who watches me talk about how I lack friends and social enrichment doesn't think it goes that deep. They think it's a fatuous complaint about something that isn't true and that I will get over, that really isnt that big of a deal. It goes deeper than I can express. It pummels through my mind and makes it a mental Mariana Trench. The lack of socialization that I exhibit is the sole reason for why I crave sleep every second of the day, why I swim in and out of fits asking myself what the point of my entire life is, why life has become so banal and overcasted for me. It is the golden glow of perfection that I cannot touch. It is the worldly temptation I cannot sink my teeth into; its skin is too tough. And I'll rant about this all day, I can shout at the top of my lungs till the sun rises and falls and the day completes full cycle, but at the end of my bloodcurdling announcements life will go on the way it was. People will talk to the people they like, the people they love, they just won't be me. People will read my lengthy, dolorous monologues about how I'm so lonely and how I'm spiraling and losing my sense of self because of it, but they'll move on almost immediately, as soon as another attention grabber seizes them and I am left to be nothing but words they read on a screen hours or days or weeks ago, that they wouldn't recall unless someone asked them about it. And I'll continue on with my life. I will continue living. I will continue waking up, writing, learning Spanish, scrolling aimlessly, doing drivers ed, driving around town on the same backroads, doing the dishes, posture exercises, drawing, listening to music and fantasizing about a life out of reach, the universe's taunt sent through my own neurons; I'll continue living with this sagging, moldy tumor puckering at the back of my brain, uncurable by even the most intricate and renowned of treatments. It will continue to haunt me and bleed out through the form of text on a screen on an app that will never be thoroughly acknowledged. I will continue living with everything in sync save my socialization habits. I have no other choice.

[chloexquinn]

"No it's fine. I appreciate you giving me the run down on anything. There's no way I could've gathered all that myself. Just being around Northsiders makes me feel like I'm in an episode of Degrassi or something." All of this Jake, Nina, Brooke tea had to be the juiciest thing she'd heard all week. Truthfully she didn't know much about everyone's history and yeah there were rumors flying around here and there but nothing she heard went as deep as the real thing. It was too bad she wouldn't be able to get any more info out of Tyler after this. If it weren't her assuming Brooke would blow her cover, she was sure she could act clueless enough for Tyler to tell her everything she wanted to know. But it would probably take a while longer. He seemed like the kind f guy who didn't trust easy and he was smart to do so.

"They really are the worst. Nothing going on in those little brains of theirs either." Even though she was aware she was talking about a demographic she was privileged enough to be in, Chloe did agree. Did she lie, deceive, and manipulate? Of course. Sometimes just for fun, even. But none of her schemes ever involved taking money or putting someone else at a financial disadvantage. Unless she was planning some serious revenge from someone who in her eyes deserved it. Chloe may have been a bitch but she wasn't greedy or money hungry. And she was smart. Even if she could afford not to be Chloe took pride in that.

It almost baffled Chloe; The fact that Tyler had witnessed Brooke punching her in the face and was asking her to leave Brooke alone. Chloe didn't know what it was about that girl, it was like everyone who was with her was under some kind of spell or something. But nevertheless, she agreed. "Of course. I've never gone out of my way to hurt her and i still wouldn't start now. I just wanna stay away from trouble and I think me staying away from her would be the best thing." Chloe looked down at the money before shaking her head. "No, no you keep it. I'll be fine. I just wanna sleep this off and pretend today never happened." Given the amount that she paid,she almost laughed. The amount of money barely put a dent in all of Chloes assets, she really didn't need it and even if she did, she didn't want to take it.

A list wouldn't be a bad idea. It was a lot to take in. Their group comes with a long and traumatic history attached. Unfortunately for Chloe, she was now a part of it. Her rivalry with Brooke put her right smack dab in the middle of it. One could easily make a case that Brooke was the problem. Wherever she goes, trouble seems to follow. Tyler doesn't think that though. She was just a victim of circumstance. The real villain was Nina and whoever was lurking in the shadows with a sharpened blade. "Yeah, I don't usually trauma dump. But you should now what you're caught up in." Tyler wanted her to stay out of everything involving them ( Jake, Nina, Brooke, himself ). It would be best if she went back into the dark.

"I get it though. I've gotten myself caught up in Northside drama as well. It's like they're bored with all their money and unlimited access. So they have to start up the rumor mill and destroy people's lives for fun. I fucking hate rich people." The McKenzie family - the ones who adopted him were the only exception. Of course there was Brooke, who he loves, but it wasn't like the Maddox family was picture perfect. They were a prime example of corrupted wealth. Her father's a cutthroat politician and her mother's a neglectful alcoholic who acts more like an estranged older sister than a mom. Money can buy many things but never lasting happiness. Which is exactly why Tyler didn't mind hanging around the south side, hustling for food money. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.

"Knowing everything you know now. Can you agree to do me the favor of leaving Brooke alone? I don't know what's going to happen between me and her, but what I do know is she could use a break from the daily soap opera. You can have your money back for the phone and consider it a solid for a solid?" As he was suggesting this, he pulled the wadded up cash from his jeans and held it out. "And if you need something for the pain, I can throw in a few of these." Tyler wasn't a drug dealer but he was a drug user. Therefore, there was always a supply of pills on him. Today it was a few oxycodone.

[anoldstoryteller]

This next part is essentially rated R

44 BBY The first Night with Tali

Tali told us where her penthouse was and Alephi flew us there. During the ride Tali sat next to me and snuggled the whole way. Alephi parked on the landing platform and Tali got out and started to head towards the elevator doors when she turned around to see we weren't getting out. She looked to me and said, "Would it be possible for you to stay here for the night? I'm just worried that there might be more of them and they might try to get me while I sleep." I sighed. This was clearly just an excuse to get me to stay with her. But she was the client so as annoying as it might be I had no real reason to deny her. I got out followed by Alephi. As Alephi got out Tali looked at her then to me "I suppose I don't mind her staying as well. It would make the night better I suppose." She said as she giggled. She held onto my arm during the ride down. As we got out she unlocked the doors and told us to make ourselves comfortable as she was going to take a shower. She mentioned that she had some drinks in the fridge near the couch Alephi got in and poured herself a glass and asked if I wanted one. I said no and looked around the room. Afterwards Alephi started to check out the holoscreens while I started to check for security problems. Even though I'm confident about her true reasoning doesn't mean that I should be lax on my job after all. I ended up sitting in a chair after I was done. Tali came out in a towel and walked over to me. "I know my manager paid you for your services, but please allow me to give you a special reward." She said as she winked as she got on her knees. I started to try to stop her but she grabbed my hands and pushed them to the side with a surprisingly amount of strength. "Please don't fight me Kal. I'll get what I want one way or the other." At this point Alephi started to get up to intervene but quickly dropped to the floor, I tried to get up but Tali held me in place, "Alephi, are you okay?" I asked. By this point Tali was giggling. "It looks like she had herself a drink didn't she. But not you, otherwise you wouldn't be able to keep resisting me." I looked back down at her and asked, "Just what was in that drink?" She giggled as she let go of my arms and started to undo my armor plates. "Oh just a little cocktail I made up from ingredients from my home world. Don't worry she is not in any pain. Just uncontrollable lust." As if on cue Alephi looked up with a most desperate face. "Kal. Please fuck me." She said as she started to crawl across the floor. Tali shook her head and said, "Oh no. I don't think so. I get first dibs. You can just play with yourself for a while. Now how come this is so damn difficult to take off. Ah there we go." She tossed aside the last plate and pulled down my pants to reveal my dick. As it flopped out it landed on her face she smiled with glee. "Oh my. It's quite big." She licked her lips. I took a moment to look over at Alephi to find she had undressed herself and started to play with her body, moaning as she waited for her turn. I looked back to Tali as she started to talk. "I'm sure you probably fuck the Pantoran's brains out all the time. And I'm sure she probably has had her lips wrapped around this fat cock. But unless you've been with a Togruta, you've never experienced this before." She stuck her tongue out. And it kept going and going, slowly wrapping around at the base of my dick and making its way to the tip. The sensation was incredible. Then she started to move it up and down and I thought it couldn't get better than this. But she surprised me again by putting my dick, with her tongue still wrapped around it, in her mouth and into her throat, all the while she still stroked my cock with her tongue. It wasn't much longer until I couldn't hold out anymore and I unloaded down her throat. I grabbed hold of her horns and pushed her head even farther down on my dick giving her every last drop.

[isabelaaaa-encanto]

Hello hello hello! 🥰 if you are taking requests may I request how it would be if Isabela and her gf or wife had their first big argument? And how they would make up with one another? Thank you!

Alsoooooo have a wonderful day love💕

major fight

summary: headcanons (drabble at the end) of isabela and her gf having their first serious argument with each other; how would isa deal with it, and how would they make up with one another

warnings: lowercase intended, word vomit, angst, slight mention of depression, fluff i think

a/n: thank you for the request, anon! i didn't know what to put as the subject of the argument, so i'll just leave it to you guys. i'm sorry if this took a while! anyways, enjoy :) have a wonderful day/night, everyone <3

wordcount: n/a for the headcanons, 640 words for the drabble

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would immediately lock herself in her room for the rest of the day

screaming/crying into her pillow

would blame everything on herself

overthinking, overthinking, overthinking:

this was all her fault;

she wasn't good enough;

you deserved better;

you were gonna leave her;

you hated her;

you never loved her; etc.

the thought of this fight being the potential reason you two break up makes her sick to the stomach, literally and figuratively

wouldn't have an appetite

would refuse to go out of her room and join the family to eat

this would be the first time they'd seen this side of isabela

the family would be very worried about her, especially julieta

her mom would be bringing her food to her room, but would come back to an untouched plate

julieta would be trying to get her daughter to talk about what was bothering her

isabela wouldn't say a word

she would keep everything to herself

would never leave her bed

the only time she would ever leave her room was if she needed to go to town to do her duties

wouldn't bother fixing herself, like:

leaving her hair unbrushed;

not wiping the fresh tear stains on her cheeks;

wearing her sandals on the wrong foot;

whatever, she didn't care

she just wanted to get it all over with so that she could go back to bed and cry

would be brain dead the whole day while getting everyone's requests wrong;

"isabela? these aren't sunflowers, i- are these hyacinths?"

"isabela um, why is there a tree in the middle of my crop farm?"

would probably lash out and take her anger out on them

the townspeople would be concerned for her

the only times that she would really be consciously aware of her surroundings was when she was somewhere near your area

would be very worried of bumping into you

just seeing you would be enough for her to tear up and have a mental breakdown

would be going straight to bed once she was home, ignoring the looks of her worried family

would be clutching your pillow to her chest, crying herself to sleep

i feel like nothing would change even after a week had passed (unless you try to approach her first and mend things yourself)

she'd still be as miserable as she was the day you two had fought

wouldn't know how to fix things between you two

it would only be thanks to mira who one day barged into her room, finally sick of her sister being in such a depressive state

mirabel would be the only person who would get isabela to tell her what was wrong

(it took 20 minutes)

she'd also be the one to be able to convince isabela to talk to you

"isa, you and y/n love each other no matter what. whatever problems the two of you may face, i know you'd both be able to get past them. and that includes whatever is going on between you two right now. but in order to get past something, you're gonna need to face it first."

would realize that her sister was right

she loves you, and she wants nothing more than for you two to make up and get past this

would probably take a few days to physically and mentally prepare herself

when she's finally ready, she would go to dolores to ask her where you were

after hearing that you were at home, and receiving a tight hug from her prima, she would start preparing to come over:

getting the bouquet of your favorite flowers ready;

mentally preparing her speech;

making sure she looked her best for you;

the family would be giving her moral support, glad that she was finally starting to get back on her feet

once she arrives at your front door, she would probably be having second thoughts

what if you didn't want to see her?

what if you grew to hate her during the days you were avoiding each other?

but disregarding her thoughts with a shake of her head, she would be knocking on the door of your home

she missed you so much

she needed to see you

but first, she was going to make things right between you two

◇

you awoke to a series of loud knocks coming from downstairs. in aggravation, you checked the clock on your bedside table, and it read 1:36 pm.

dismissing the knocks, you decided to go back to sleep, hoping that one of your family members would deal with whoever was out the door. but no less than 10 seconds had passed before the persistent knocker began knocking loudly once again.

with a groan, you irritatedly put a pillow over your head as you called out to your mom, "mami, there's someone by the door!"

there was no response from your mother as the knocking continued. you waited for a few seconds, but you heard no footsteps making their way towards the door.

you thought it was strange at first, because your mom/your sibling would've opened the door by now, but that was until you remembered that everyone was at town and you were left home alone for today.

as another series of knocks echoed from downstairs, you let out another groan as you decided to see who the hell was outside. was it so urgent that they couldn’t have waited until it was, like, i don't know, 10pm?

you trudged down the stairs and over to the door as the annoying knocks continued, before you grabbed the doorknob and swung it open, ready to snap at whoever was outside for disturbing your sleep.

but to your utter surprise, the person who's been constantly knocking on your door was none other than isabela madrigal, your beloved.

you felt your heart drop to your stomach as your mouth suddenly felt dry. the two of you stared at each other for a moment as a lump slowly forms in your throat. she looked so beautiful.

you didn't know how to feel; were you happy that she was here? angry because of everything that happened? or even more depressed at the sight of her doing well? (oblivious to the fact that she had also been in a state of depression just a few days ago)

isabela on the other hand, felt her heart breaking at the sight of you; you clearly hadn't been taking care of yourself.

huge, dark eye bags were present under your eyes; your hair was messy and tangled—god knows when was the last time you've brushed it; your lips were horribly chapped; and your blouse had an old, faded stain on the front, implying that you had probably been wearing it for several days now.

was it because of her? have you been suffering because of her?

your gaze fall down to her hands and noticing the bouquet of flowers she was holding, you felt hot tears start brimming your eyes. isabela could feel her own tears blurring her vision as she took a step towards you.

dropping the bouquet to the ground, she immediately captures you into a rib crushing embrace. you hug her back as tightly as you could, tears falling from your eyes as you buried your face into the crook of her neck. god, you missed her so much.

incoherent sobs came out of isabela as she repeatedly kept saying the words, what you thought sounded like, "i'm sorry." you shook your head as you tightened your hold on her, never wanting to let go.

"please... i don't wanna fight anymore," you whimpered, the lump in your throat only making it harder for you to speak. isabela's heart shattered at the sound of your voice, before immediately nodding in silent agreement, her arms wrapped around your waist securely.

the two of you stayed there in each other's arms for what seemed like forever, which you didn't mind in the least.

talking could wait.

for now, you would both indulge in the warmth of each other's embrace, making up for the lost time you should've had with one another.

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