#but my brain is a hellscape and this is how i cope

[normal-internet-user]

OKKK OK look technicality speaking,,, i'm supposed to be indulging in the sleebies rn. BUT my brain would NOT let me sleep until i commished this to ya!!



your peepaw leo answer? fantabulous. jaw dropping, awe-inspiring, hit just the spot. Extravagantly whimsically stupendous. ultra super mega amazing. need i say more? YES AND I WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO-

yet. ☝🏼 & hear me out here.

*folds hands all neat and preppy in front of me, leans in close so we're nose-to-nose, all business* 

I have a storm a-brewin'. Up in the ole noggin'? Knock knock.

SPECIFICALLY ABOUT Reader and how they interact with Present (or to them, Past!) Leo!!

They're not as forthcoming as Casey, and I imagine that even after the war is won and the apocalypse is therefore prevented, that initial hostility would fade! … but instead it’d become … kind of awkward? They don't hate Leo, it's just. 

Not the Leo they know.

Not the Leo they know and love and miss and mourn and glory to be, they’ve got their work cut out for them.



Reader is still coping with the loss of everything. the breathing techniques alongside Master Michelangelo's high EQ teachings on handling emotions help a lot more than they'd expected.

And!! The present (past??? aughguhghhhh) Hamatos are a big help too!! With time, it all does get better ^^)

(AKA: everyone's ✨traumatized & coping together✨, m'kay? m'kay.)

This all boils down to Reader and how they re-evaluate (rebuild?) their relationship with Leo. The Leo in THIS timeline that they helped save. How they heal from their wounds, inside and out, and try to make the best of what they’ve got. Because if the future taught them one thing: it was that no matter what, you've gotta keep going. Don't give up.

Canon plotline following n' stuff before the fluff downpour!

Here's a hc format for random moments in the way I see it bc it's easier? Is it? (/lh)

When Leo was finally released from the Escape Pod and everyone took in how haggard he looked— pale, shaking, horrified at what he just witnessed,

When he snapped and lunged at Casey, 

Reader’s reaction was swifter than a bullet. 

They swept in front of their brother, effectively and terrifyingly going toe-to-toe, snout-to-nose with this Leo, snarling out a bite of their barely-concealed rage. Their eyes are slits, their teeth are fangs poised to strike, and the venom is promised.

They’re just as dangerous as him at that moment.

The threat goes unsaid: Back. Off.

Their heart is racing like crazy, alarm bells ringing in their head and frustrated tears build up in their eyes. They're swimming— no. Drowning in confusion. In feelings. In dread. In nausea. In grief.

They didn't care what iteration of Leo this was or what they'd ever face: the image of Papa, whatever version it was, even thinking of bringing harm to Casey was enough to send them teetering over the edge.

Time travel. Alien invasion. From “Apocalypse Is The Norm” to “You Can Stop This Hellscape From Ever Happening BUT You Wipe Out Everything You've Ever Known Along With it.”

....

yeah that's enough to make a grown man cry.



Reader quickly realizing that, amongst their simmering anger, there was a kind of fear. Not just the impending sense of anxiety at everything that was happening around them, but this was familiar.

Papa had never been an inherently volatile person (turtle? snrt), but he was a Leader.

His very presence demanded respect. 9.∞ times outta 10, he got it.

Despite the image of their beloved dad momentarily crumbling within meeting his younger counterpart, Reader can’t help but cling to that familiarity.

The familiarity of that intimidation – that regard – in Leonardo. 

He was pissed, that’s for sure. And Reader was actually kind of scared. Their Papa never was a violent person per se, but he’s had his moments. 

It was kind of uncanny, seeing the young shards of those traits come to be. To see this young Leo, with so much ahead of him, slowly but surely become the man you knew and was raised by. 

In spite of yourself, you could feel that same reverence and respect bloom in your chest. It hurt too, because it felt like it was for the wrong reasons. 

Yet, you digress.

Besides, you were never one to hold fast to grudges – it was poisonous. And despite feeling like you were being poisoned slowly, in to out, you knew it’d pass. 

It was along the lines of something Uncle Mikey had told you once ...

“What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.' Never forget, sunshine. Even when it feels like your world is ending, and you're caught right in the midst of it all?

... You can choose to birth a beautiful butterfly, ready to take on the world. You're a butterfly; every great thing starts small, no?” 

So. You watched Leo out of the corner of your eyes. Listened to Junior as he sparkled and praised your young uncles, telling them the truth of their characters in your timeline.

—andddd a flash of hot annoyance flared up in your chest when your brother piped up something about Papa’s rescue of a resistance camp to the teenager him,

You tried to settle the war within yourself. How would you fight both at once? Not when there was an entire one unfolding right in front of your very eyes. 

. . . you wanted your Papa.

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆ ;༊

this has been,,, the first part of many a Wal-Mart ad. BA-DUM-TSS!

i'd add way more but my eyes feel like they're about to fall out jsjsj

*air kithes (ง ˃ ³ ˂)ว ⁼³₌₃⁼³ /p and lounges on your back porch, cracking open a cold juice pouch* Penny for your thoughts, toots?

Ok, first of all: Dear (/p) you are a freakin genius- now let us discus some things over a juice pouch.

READER POST-MOVIE/DURING THE MOVIE HEADCANONS

....................................

You are 100% percent correct about all of that.

Firstly, when April manages to knock both of you out and drag you back to the Lair,

Casey is much more open, and excited.

You're treating them as a potential threat.

I'm talking resting bitch face, broski.

Sure, in the future, these people raised you, but this isn't the future.

So you glare and let CJ do the talking, because at the moment your still processing,

And your anger could lash out at anyone in this room.

When Leo turns on Casey, your reaction was like second nature.

You had alot of moments during the apocolypse where if you took to long to assess the threat, you were dead.

So when Leo lunged at Casey, and your mind locked him in as a threat,

Those familiar instincts of, "Danger: protect family" kicked in.

Weapon drawn, teeth beared, you looked more feral than Leo,

But you were scared too.

You were so fucking scared.

You knew this wasn't your papa,

You knew that.

But to see his younger counter part so angry, so ready to be violent was terrifying.

You'd only ever seen your papa angry and violent one time in your life.

It happened when you had to drag Casey back to base, half dead and yourself much worse for wear.

You'll never forget the violence that shone in his eyes at the sight of his children.

One unconcious and bleeding,

The other hardly able to stand.

You have no idea what happened to the officer that sent you and Casey out,

But he wasn't seen around much after that, most said he was demoted to work in the more... laboring parts of the base.

Looking into Leo's eyes at this moment, you see a very similar violence to that day,

But what scares you is that violence is now directed at your brother.

After Casey explains none of this happened in your guys' time,

Leo shoved past you, and had his little, "We're going because I say so" moment.

You were beyond pissed.

Here was his team, telling him to wait,

To hold on a second, to come up with a plan,

And he was just- ignoring them.

But, you kept silent and followed Casey when he left with Leo,

You'd be damned if you left your brother alone with this idiot.

In the turtle tank, while Casey practically sings his praises, you can't help the scowl that builds on your face.

Casey kept using present tense, "You are.", and, "you were" in Donnie's case,

He just couldn't seem to grasp that this wasn't your family, future tense should be used.

Not past, not present, future.

Because he's not technically wrong,

But it still rubs you the wrong way for him to compare your Papa, to this guy.

In the subway tunnels, you get seperated from Casey, you end up with Donnie and Mikey.

Mikey had to physically pull you into the tank kicking and screaming.

You needed to be next to your brother.

You had always been right beside each other your whole lives,

You were terrified.

When you were in that tank, and it was on the verge of crumbling, you started having flashbacks of the time Kraang had attacked your first home.

You were so small, just a little kid waiting for Papa to come find you.

You were on the verge of sobbing as you desperatly tried getting ahold of Casey.

Skipping ahead to the end of the movie,

You didn't wanna let go of Casey's hand.

It's odd, knowing that you don't need to see what's lurking in every corner,

Because there's nothing there anymore.

You don't have to be scared.

That's when you notice the shimmer of something clipped to your boot.

Looking down, you see a blue, star shaped hair clip.

How it had managed to stay on your boot this entire time was a mystery,

But what was less of a mystery was how it got there.

You knew your papa had placed it there.

You grabbed the hair clip of your boot, tears welled in your eyes,

Then you let out a choked sob.

You clutched the hair pin so tightly you might draw blood, and you sobbed and sobbed.

It was like all your emotions poured out at once, you didn't even know which one you were feeling.

It was a mix of grief, sadness, anger, and anguish.

Casey pulled you close, muttering how proud he was of you, you'd done so well.

"Sensei would be proud." he said, "Papa would be proud of you."

You clung to your brother like he was your life line, because in a way he was.

He was all you had left of your life before.

Post-movie, you're awkward around Leo to say the least.

During the movie, you were angry with him, mostly because of the paralelles between him and Master Leonardo.

But post-movie it's just awkward,

You can't look at him without being reminded of the father figure you lost.

All you wanted was for your papa to hold you,

To sing you to sleep like he used to do to hide the sounds of the monsters lurking above.

You just want your papa- no, you need your papa.

You need to hear his voice again, sure, technically you hear it every day but it's not the same!

You need to hear him.

You've taken to replaying audio recordings through your own mask.

Laying in your bed late into the night, replaying the same video's until your papa's voice lulls you into an uneasy sleep...

....................................

My thoughts for you my dearest! (/p) free of charge!

I plan on writing some fluffy Papa Leo oneshots sometime soon, not to worry!

For now, have these!

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

So S3 of OFMD isn't happening- and you're feeling like shit. Let's talk about it.

This fandom is still an amazing space full of creatives who made this community what it is. Many of us feel hopeless now, especially for those of us who have been in fandom before because we all know what this means. This means the start of saying goodbye for some of us.

Some will move on, starting now. The most fun I've had in fandoms were during hiatus'. For good reason. There feels like there's a goal. There's something to work for. Now-it looks like we don't have that anymore. The wind has been taken out of our metaphorical sails.

But that's not really how fandom works. The show is over, sure, but our love for this thing isn't done. Our affection for the tropes and stories and characters we've found here aren't suddenly gone.

I still read fic for fandoms that 'should be dead'. I still find comfort in podfics for fic created about shows I now hate.

It's not over, because you're still here.

This feels easier to say as I personally wasn't in this fandom the main pairing. For those fans, I hope the current ending for Stede and Ed brings you some comfort. They are in a perfect place for you to pick up their story.

Not a writer or author or 'creative'?

Doesn't matter. Take a second, right now even. What happens next? Do you follow history? Do they escape? What about the crew? What about the Republic, what about all the other pirates? What happens next?

I'm an Izzy fan, and guess what? The fucker died, and we're still here! I have a solid 20 stories in my bookmarks that are still updating. I'm still writing Izzy fic, and many more are still stuck with the OFMD brain rot.

So, take a moment to mourn. You absolutely should! Because this is bullshit. By any metric, this show should have gotten another season. It made back its money, trends constantly, and sold a shit ton of merch. It was popular enough for a S3. Even if it ended up being 3 episodes long. I've gone on record as not loving a lot of S2, but y'all deserved an ending that wasn't so rushed. Modern-day television is a new hellscape that most shows aren't surviving unless they appeal to the broadest audiences.

It's all bullshit, so let's let ourselves feel like shit for a minute. Just to get it all out and process it.

If you want to rant, I'm here! Send me an anonymous message about what's got you feeling what you're feeling right now. Because me? I'm-

[currently plotting a S3 ish thing where the show follows history/and or a time travel story where S2 Izzy mentally goes back into his S1 body and changes the future. So. I'm. Coping.]

[circular-bircular]

hello! im currently questioning whether I am disordered or not. I was wondering if you would be willing to share your experiences if you're comfortable or maybe share some good resources about what its like being disordered because im really lost rn. this blog is great btw! take care of yourself <3

Hey there! Glad you enjoy my blog, sorry it took a bit to get to this. This is the first night in like a month that I have any free time whatsoever (and that's cause I'm putting off grades, lol...)

I hope you don't mind a bulletpointer on this one!

Disordered experiences...

Firstly, I cannot overstate how fucking everything about me is impacted by trauma. Physical health? I get sick more often because my body has fought as hard as it has to survive -- it's an actual thing that traumatized people get physically sick more often. Mental health? Shit. Depression's comorbid, anxiety is comorbid, and I've even seen discussions about the connections between autism and DID, and those two do not mix well in me. All of my everything is constantly fucked.

I cannot goddamn sleep. Sleep is a goddamn hellscape. I run from somewhere between 2 to 6 hours of sleep most nights, and have to take plenty of naps just to survive. That makes it next to impossible some days to get the energy I need, or if I did get enough nappies, to get the free-time I need.

In terms of my actual DID... Amnesia is the biggest one. I constantly have gaps. I have to write every single thing down. I have plenty of accomodations, sure! But even those fail from time to time, and then it's just a spiral. Like, today at work, I had a surprise meeting I did not write down, because I just forgot to. I forgot about the meeting until 10 minutes prior, when I got an alert in my email about it. This meant I skipped lunch, and had to try and focus without having eaten since 9am. This made my day harder, which led to...

Dissociation!!! God fuck. It's so hard to focus sometimes. I am so spaced out. Today was one of those days where I had to cling to my phone for survival and grounding. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it's better to be writing posts on tumblr during class than forgetting I'm in class at all. And none of the kids snitch on me -- just get a little pissy if I don't call on them quickly enough.

Trauma flashbacks. Ough. If I get stuck in one, goodbye ability to think for awhile. It's been happening more and more frequently at work lately, so there goes my 30 minute lunch spent in the bathroom forgetting I exist because I feel like I'm going to my parents house after school.

That ties into paranoia. I have to convince myself more often than not that, when I get home, my abusers won't be there. I'm 26 and haven't directly lived with them in 3 years, and I cut them off close to a year ago. I still wake up thinking they're breaking in.

That's about all I can think off quick, off the top of my head. Basically... owie owie my brain is a big ol bruise.

[mingtinys]

[ Prologue ]

pairing : jeong yunho x gn!reader

under the red sun (let's hold hands 'till the sun falls down)

previous part && masterlist && next part

warnings : language , mentions of suicidal thoughts 

word count : 0.9 k

a/n : this has been in my drafts for nearly a week and i just haven’t been able to convince myself it’s good enough to post . but i know people are waiting , so i promise part 1 will be a lot better !!

It doesn't get easier.

You wish it would, but it doesn't. You wish you could numb your mind and leave it on autopilot until the worse has passed — if it ever does. Until the dreaded game is over and you're either granted asylum for a handful of days or there's a hole burned through your skull. You wish you could sugarcoat the truth like you used to. Ease your heart. Soothe your soul. Tell yourself it'll be okay.

But it's not okay; and you've come to realize lying to yourself is a waste of time.

Everything fucking sucks.

The brightly lit arenas, the frantic newcomers, the predatory veterans. Those sadistic "games" that are probably no more than trivial entertainment for whoever created this hellscape. There's nothing easy or okay about this place and griping about it won't change that. This is how things are now.

It's a truth you wish you could've accepted sooner. Maybe then you wouldn't have wasted all eight days of your visa wallowing in self-pity. Holed up in some rundown motel that had already been stripped of any food or luxury items. It's a silly thing to think about now. But not even having, at the very least, a blanket, almost broke you that second night. Faster than any of the three games you'd had the misfortune of playing thus far had been able to.

It took about a day for the initial shock to wear off. And a few hours more for the events of the two of clubs game to fully make their way to the forefront of your brain and fester. But once they did? Well, not having that blanket was just about your last fucking straw. The cold that seeped its way into your skin that night was nothing compared to the realization that any trace of your old world was gone. For good. No more blankets, no more lazy Sunday mornings, no more calculus tests or history papers. No more normalcy or comfort. Just empty rooms with water-damaged ceilings and a guilt that clings to your skin like the air of a humid July night.

You've contemplated not even trying to find a next game and just riding out your visa until inevitable more than you're proud to admit. The lasers would find you eventually, you're not sure how, but they would. Just like they found anyone else fortunate enough to escape this world. You were alone now, so what did it even matter? Nothing and no one were keeping you here anymore, you'd certainly made sure of that. 

But the urge to survive has proven to be quite the pest. And, eventually, you learned to be alone. Even find comfort in it. At least you think you did.

You learned how to salvage the remnants of who you used to be and find use for them in who you are now. Learned to live as someone you barely recognize and convince yourself that's who you've always been until it became true.

You learned to cope with the constant, lingering, feeling of dread in your gut by locking every dark and sinister thought inside a little safe stowed away in the deepest part of your mind. To swallow your fears and ignore the regret clawing at your insides long enough to get through whatever nightmarish excuse of a game awaits you just beyond the starting line. It's one of the only useful things he ever taught you. One of the only things you allowed yourself to keep of him. For the sheer reason of desperate survival alone; because that’s all it’s worth.

You leave your humble motel room two days before your visa actually expires. No sense in prolonging the inevitable. The thought of it alone is enough to send your mind spiraling once again, so better to just get it over with.

You pick the first arena that flickers to life in your vicinity for no other reason than you simply don't feel like walking any further. There's not much rhyme or reason as to which games appear where anyways. Just the luck of the draw.

The lights guide you to an old elementary school. It's eerily empty, just a skeleton of its former glory. Sloppy finger paintings and crayon-drawn art peel from the walls. Some of the overgrown vegetation has already made its way inside. Obscuring the rainbow-colored walls and cartoonish academic posters. Your eyes drift to one about hallway etiquette. "Be respectful of your peers" it reads. Ironic, considering the circumstances. You can't remember the last time since you entered this world anyone has been respectful to one another. In fact, they’re usually anything but.

Despite how trashed the front lobby is, most definitely being one of the first places to fall victim to looters, there's still a child-like innocence that lingers in the atmosphere. It doesn't take much to envision the patter of little footsteps sprinting down the halls. Soft giggles during recess. Protests from tireless children over nap time. You swear you can still hear the buzzing of a bustling cafeteria at lunch-time. Or maybe you've just finally gone insane. You wouldn't be surprised if it's the latter.

The table of phones sits centered at a T-intersection. Where the hallway splits from the front offices to rows of doors you assume are classrooms. The phones sit undisturbed, a little note instructing you to take one.

You count fourteen, for fourteen players. Of which you're the first.

[rachelsfav-queer]

Warning, Heavy Vent below

It wouldn’t be so awful if I could actually get away from all the stress for once. Like seriously, if I could just have like an hour, where everything in the world wasn’t pushing down on me, I think I’d be okay. Or at least, I’d be able to actually cope with it all.

But I can’t fucking escape it. No matter where I turn, there’s always something else. I turn to my family and my mom is crying over another thing my older siblings have done to her, my brother is a goddamn alcoholic, my family is just barely keeping up money wise, my younger siblings are getting older and older without me able to see them.

So I go online for maybe a way to escape into fantasy for just a bit, but no, literally everything is on fire and everyone is screaming at each other for no goddamn reason whatsoever. It’s a fucking hellscape online and there’s zero escape from it other than to go offline.

But then when I turn to the real world, I have no friends to talk to or hang out with, so all I have is my family, and that’s a shitshow as I said. So I’m stuck alone inside my room with nothing to do. I try to get medication for my adhd but as it turns out, I apparently have to do a million and one other things despite the fact that I’ve been diagnosed for literally almost my entire life.

And I can’t, literally CAN’T escape it. I can’t go on some vacation because again, fucking poor as shit. I had fun the other night going to see my favorite band, but that was one single night and it’s past now. I don’t have any way to let out all the anger I feel in any meaningful way. I just have nothing to get away from the endless cycle of anger and frustration.

No fucking escape. I’m trapped in the cycle of finding more and more bullshit to annoy me and piss me off until I can’t even enjoy the things that used to be my escapes. The things that would normally make me feel okay for a while, now just annoy me more for absolutely no reason other than my brain literally only knows how to be angry.

I can’t fucking escape this shit. I hate it so fucking much. I hate living like this.

[poetryasreligion]

LATE STAGE CAPITALISM RAT RACE

I don't know if it's worse to willfully sink or pretend the tsunami is just a baby wave.

It baffles me that people around me seem fully functional and even thriving in the year 2024 when all I know is climate doom, the widespread injustices of our surveillance state, the fall of democracy at home and a genocide overseas. In late stage capitalism but also the microcosm of elite higher education, the constant lurch towards productivity (for what?) and self-optimization (for who?) and networking for a future I'm not certain will exist leaves me queasy, paralyzed. The end times alarm is never not blaring in my brain, and the noise often induces a kind of depressive dysfunction. I can't help but feel morally deficient for this; like there is something weak and deeply defective in me because (to put it lightly) I just can't hack it.

One of my tethers out of this self-deprecating spiral has been a quote from Sinead O'Connor:

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

I give us permission to acknowledge the illness of late stage capitalism—to lie in it as long as it takes for us to understand that well-adjustedness (complacency?) is not a normal or meaningful response to the conditions we live in. These are some poetic resources that have helped me do this:

“Adventures in Shangdu” from Engine Empire by Cathy Park Hong (poem // dystopian cityscape)

Excerpt: On a beautiful day in May, when the sun burns through the carbon haze like blood jets from civic posters and white magnolias shoot out like flags from toy guns, we will ride our tall bicycles together.

No One is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood (satirical experimental novel // dystopian internet void)

Capitalism! It was important to hate it, even though it was how you got money. Slowly, slowly, she found herself moving toward a position so philosophical even Jesus couldn't have held it: that she must hate capitalism while at the same time loving film montages set in department stores.

There's laundry to do and a genocide to stop by Vinay Krishnan (poem // living in 2024)

Staircase Wit by Rhiannon McGavin (poem // youth in the end-times)

The New Me by Halle Butler (novel // corporate hellscape)

Severance by Ling Ma (novel // pandemic corporate hellscape)

My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh (novel // hibernation from corporate hellscape)

Sleep felt productive. Something was getting sorted out. I knew in my heart—this was, perhaps, the only thing my heart knew back then—that when I'd slept enough, I'd be okay. I'd be renewed, reborn. I would be a whole new person, every one of my cells regenerated enough times that the old cells were just distant, foggy memories. 

I also give us permission to hope for and work toward a better future. To rely on ourselves but also each other—whatever happens to the earth and the economy, all we will have for certain is each other. I'm trying to embrace that one certainty.

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver (poem // sanctuary of the self)

Good Bones by Maggie Smith (poem // dare to hope)

The Orange by Wendy Cope (poem // leaning on each other)

Playlist by me (playlist // social alienation in late stage capitalism)

Finally, I give us permission to create art out of our feelings and experiences, because sometimes that feels like the only way to render them meaningful.

[stepswowdsen]

WATGBS AU: Summary - Part 2

Hi, I made a summary post for our WATGBS AU yesterday! I’ll post the rest~

 My friends asked me before about our WATGBS AU's version of Idate, so here you go. Here's a quick "summary" write up:  

(Rubs hands together)

Commence sheer insanity. 

An intro to Idate 🖤🤍

Idate is the evil protag of our WATGBS AU! That makes him very fun for me to write. I love writing for our AU, and IdaTatsu and the others, cuz it's pretty much just us writing for our OCs~ And I get to come up with lots of big brain ideas, and add onto each everyone's amazing ideas whenever we discuss.

Idate is the "Star Eater" of our AU. He's a chaotic evil demon orca man. He has void powers and eats souls as nourishment. He's the Lord of Space and the Underworld, whose void world holds the dead souls of all the people he ate for power. His soul hellscape is basically a chamber of eternal cries of agony.

He acts only according to his own pleasures/satisfaction while being a sadistic, violent murderman. Like he's dangerous and playful, but also has a refined, "dapper gentleman" attitude

He's extremely chaotic and the world's most insufferable wifeguy /endearing that falls devastatingly in love with and eventually gets married to Tatsumiya. 

The IdaTatsu ship ties a lot to the story that we wrote for our AU. Idate feels drawn to Tatsumiya, someone who is the complete opposite of him, and they're both very curious about the other, trying to figure each other out.

Other rambles about Idate 🖤🤍

Idate is an evil demon mf like Douman, adult-like in demeanour and mannerisms with a level of refinement in how he composes himself. But Douman is especially formal and elegant, Idate is more chill and casual and has a "dapper gentleman" attitude

But he has a childlike sense of entitlement when it comes to his wants. He wants to play and cause destruction just to enjoy himself. He's intentionally cruel and violent on purpose* and acts solely for his own entertainment. He's playful about violence and treats it like a game. Like Judar

Like, Hibari, Xanxus, Idate, and Judar, etc. are this specific brand of "Delusional meow meow living in his own bubble that thinks he's the coolest cat king of the world," these characters are the kings of their own lives and the world around them, even if only in their own heads /endearing

When I talk about Idate, I refer to our AU Idate by default. I don't want anything to do with Funa and Funa fans who are uncritical of her and her content.

My friends and I are not Funa fans. We're just people who ran with her characters and decided to revamp and flesh them out and add a lot of layering and depth cuz they deserved better

A colour edit I made of Idate’s Battle Card 

I’ll put the rest under the cut as usual!

The orca twins - Idate and Takama

Idate, and his older twin brother, Takama, were originally born in the Red Sea, a cursed abyss ruled by the tyrannical evil ruler, the Red Sea Princess (RSP), Algol. As Grand Demons, they were meant to be Algol's Messengers. But their parents wanted to flee the Red Sea, and when found out by Algol, stalled for time fighting her to ensure their kids could escape.

Kid Idate and Takama fought their way out of the Red Sea to escape, going completely off of adrenaline at this point just to survive. They end up awakening their destructive, cursed demon powers while escaping.

In short, Idate has dark aura manipulation and "void" demon powers where he can create voids in limited range, and can access his own void dimension, which is like a black hole of dead souls... Like "eaten up stars."

I imagine they managed to escape the Red Sea cuz kid Idate ended up accidentally opening up a void that the twins fell into at first, so Algol couldn't find them

Idate's memories of the time they escaped, and anything related to the Red Sea, and their childhood were blocked completely due to trauma. Meanwhile, Takama is the only one who knows what happened to their parents, and copes with the events through denial. Takama soon realizes Idate has forgotten their parents and childhood memories - and that only he has these memories anymore, only he knows what happened.

As a kid coping with losing his parents, he decides to never tell Idate about their parents and past. He assumes Idate would be better off and happier without the knowledge of the Red Sea or their parents and he just wanted to protect him and his smile 😭 Takama becomes a guardian/parental figure for his younger brother after losing his parents, and like, he honestly sacrificed a lot just so Idate can have a carefree life.

Colour edit I made of the orca brothers, Takama and Idate

Takama

He was redesigned by my friend Snow (@/snowolf-69) on Tumblr and @/snowdodoko on Instagram

The fated lovers - Idate and Tatsumiya  🖤🤍❤️

Timeskip! Hundreds of years later in the present time (when our AU starts), Idate eventually meets Tatsumiya on his travels, the Grand Sorcerer of the Blue Sea Kingdom. Idate and Tatsumiya are opposites in terms of their powers, personalities, and roles. Both Idate and Tatsu are messengers of their opposing "Gods" and queens. Idate and Takama were originally supposed to be Algol's messengers of the Red Sea, and Tatsumiya is Lucinda's.

It's just that, when Idate and Takama escaped from the Red Sea as kids, Idate ended up "betraying" that role, cuz he sided with the Blue Sea solely for Tatsu and the others. So Idate technically turned traitor on the Red Sea when he fell in love with Tatsumiya 🥰 So that "Messenger" role ended up going to Takama later on when he got ensnared by Algol...

Colour edit I made of IdaTatsu (Idate/Tatsumiya)

Idate and Tatsumiya

(A few rough doodles I’ve done of them! I need to refine these)

Idate’s powers 🖤🤍☀️

Idate's powers represent the concept of "Void." The abyss. The absence of everything and all. Emptiness. Infinite darkness. An infinite void. Almost like a representation of death. Idate's leitmotif is the black sun and the eclipse. His void is a black hole.

Idate has destructive demon powers. His stronger void attacks can disintegrate anything it touches. Idate eating and stealing souls also plays up to his whole void theme.

Idate can access his own void dimension to call upon and manipulate darkness. Idate can make makeshift weapons from the dark energy. It's a black demon aura that can be controlled at will and slash into things.

My friend Cinna said, "Idate's abyss started out as a pitch black void, a black hole. But every soul he threw in there became a will 'o wisp esque ball of light, and with how much prey Idate's eaten, it's like a starry sea of lights, a fucked up starry sky, now."

(Everything I mentioned here is literally just shit we made up for our AU <3 I didn't mention the orca twins Idate and Takama's backstory lore in detail but this post is getting so long already, I'll leave it for another time)

Everyone: How the fuck do you guys come up with all of this

Us: <- We're insane /lh /hj

Other rambles

I copy pasted this from one of my previous ramble posts, might as well add it here too

My drawings depict our WATGBS AU’s version of Idate, a buff DILF dad. He wears blue eyeliner and earrings, has scars, and orca markings/patterns more realistic to actual IRL orcas.

I wanted him to have a big coat cape jacket that hangs off his shoulders (like some of my faves, Douman, Hibari, and Xanxus)

How I draw Idate is what I imagine him to look like in our AU ^^  

(Though I’ll fix the orca markings whenever I refine the sketch, since it’s still a rough sketch right now)

I made Idate themed after the black sun in our AU, and Tatsu is themed after the moon. And Tatsu has pink/red eyeliner and star and moon earrings. So after he meets Tatsu, he starts wearing blue eyeliner and star and black sun earrings to match with her <3 🖤🤍❤️

I quickly scribbled the earrings, but I think it’s also neat if Idate’s black sun earrings also look like a vortex... A void/abyss. I’m not sure what colour to make the earrings... It’s ok as yellow, but I’m also wondering if I should limit the amount of colours used in his colour palette. Silver or white could also work

Me and my black sun faves!!! ☀️🖤🐈‍⬛️

(Points at Douman, Judar, Idate)

If you ask, “Did you guys seriously make an entire ass fantasy world based off a character that shows up a grand total of 3 times in the OG WATGBS as short cameos, and the rest of your sea creatura faves”

Answer: Yes!

In the OG WATGBS, Funa-verse Idate is a violent orca that goes around on strolls, acting solely for his own pleasure to entertainment himself, based off the orca-like behaviour of playing with food by tormenting other sea creatures.

In our WATGBS AU, Idate is the Lord of the Underworld. His character theme is “Void/Emptiness.” He has Void powers and can create voids. He’s the evil protag of our AU. We created a whole story for him and the other WATGBS AU charas. (99% of our WATGBS AU is just lore that my friends and I made up <3)

And it’s so fun to write for an evil meow meow mf protag 🤭

[diaryofabug]

Howdy pardner <3

Last night @masonamadeus and I were in bed, all snuggled up for sleep, and I mentioned that I really wanted to have what we’d eaten for dinner again for breakfast, it’s a dish that he makes so well and introduced me to, and I CRAVE it y’all. 

It’s so good. 

I realized as I said it that if we wanted to have it for breakfast he would need to soak the rice now. And I immediately felt panicked. All of the anxiety and terror from past relationships compounded onto my brain even as he said, “Oh yeah, I should soak the rice now.”

And I tried to take it all back as he climbed over me to go to the kitchen and get the rice soaking. I was so filled with dread and regret at inadvertently asking him to do something nice for me. I had unconsciously inconvenienced him. 

Obviously he kissed me on the forehead, told me to stop being dumb, and happily soaked the rice. 

And I laid there, on the verge of tears, wondering how the heck we got here. 

As a former people pleaser who has historically attracted narcissists, as a woman who dates men, as just a person in this world-

It’s so easy to pretend like the things that happen to and around you don’t affect you. That they don’t leave a mark on your psyche, and even your soul. That you’re simply better now and everything that you ever endured is in your past. For me it’s also a coping mechanism, If I don’t identify and admit they way that I’ve been treated in the past has been bad, or not nice, or even just hurt my feelings, then I’m still in control. It’s not something that someone did or did not do for me, it’s not a way that someone treated me-

It’s a way I let myself be treated. 

And now, that’s just no good. I know that, seeing it written out it’s easy to identify how that kind of language, how that thought pattern doesn’t serve me. 

As I laid in the bed last night, the dread and anxiety easily banished by the reassurance and forehead kisses of my partner, my thoughts swirled around these ideas. Finally seeing the past for what it was, and getting another step closer towards letting this coping mechanism go for good. 

I’d like to thank her for her service, because she helped to protect me when I was in unsafe living situations, unsatisfying relationships, and unhealthy friendships. She was there to help me navigate my twenties, and to learn what kind of relationships I want to give energy to and to foster growth in. 

But now I’m almost 30, and I’m really trying to lean into practicing what I preach. 

I am worthy of a partner who will do things just for me.  Who enjoys building a life with me and who wants to grow with me. Who never wants to cut me down in order to avoid facing something about himself, who sees me to my core and isn’t with me because of the things I do for him, or make his life easier. But because we’re both fully formed individuals, trying to build something that can be even greater than the sum of it’s parts. 

A partner who will get out of bed to soak the rice. 

It’s day whatever of being a human in this hellscape, and things are still hard. But I am so happy to be where I am. 

-Bug

[moved-to-femmesun-blog]

haha oops, guess who goes by zero/ze now! (flushed emoji)

[sobdasha]

every time i rewatch the reboot and i get to the Kana ep

I go "I need to write down my Kana Thoughts for posting" for the posterity of me and then it doesn't happen.

IDK which number try I am on but maybe it is a charm!!!

–

I feel like, way back in the day, I was not alone in being in Ayame's camp about Kana. Like, good for her or whatever, but a bit rude to go off and have a happy, healthy marriage with some far-removed-from-the-Souma man. A bit rude to let your guilt eat you alive and then recover once Hatori is no longer in your life, and walk off and leave him to stick it out alone with all the memories and the sadness.

(And then Mayuko appeared on the horizon and I stopped caring very much about the tragedy of Kana and Hatori, both of them are clearly destined to live their best lives with other people good for both of them!!!)

Anyway I feel like there were some fundamental assumptions I had going there that were not quite on point, and I have at length since reexamined things and found more complicated nuance and every time I watch the dub reboot I start to consider yet more nuances. And writing them down means I stop composing the same mental posts of meta all the time, so that frees up a little brain space, and also future!me will have things to read to be like "wow past!me so smart" or "wow past!me missed that point so hard."

1) Mental illness hard

I think I was just not tired enough back in the day, and had less life experience. I believe I was either all on board for "Kana destroys any further support she could have provided for Hatori by being consumed with guilt over the fact that she did protect Hatori from injury, for the TRAGEDY", or else it was "Kana should realize that this is counterproductive, focus on what she can do and better to have loved and lost, and recover."

This is Fruits Basket. It isn't dramatic for the sake of cheap drama, it is dramatic because it's genuine and feelings that seem stupid and nonsensical are in fact sharply distressing and overwhelming and can drown you. Therefore, I have to take it in good faith that if Kana simply cannot recover while she's with Hatori, if Kana's depression and trauma are crushing her, then that is in fact literally the case. Whether Kana was already struggling with things, or whether this whole incident was on its own too much, it's still valid.

If Kana can't cope, then Kana would never have been able to cope no matter how much she could have "tried harder."

It's not her fault. And like everyone, Kana deserves to be able to live and thrive in an environment where she is not constantly distressed, constantly feeling guilty/being made to feel guilty over things that are outside of her control, constantly unable to get away from things that trigger obsessive thought spirals, constantly not getting the support she needs in order to be able to take care of herself, let alone Hatori.

Remember: the number 1 rule of helping people is to absolutely not let them drown you. Sometimes you gotta leave them and come back later when you can get a flotation device or something, even if it looks almost identical to leaving them to drown. Choosing to prioritize yourself by swimming away to get the help you need is not the same thing as having a huge and ridiculously empty lifeboat(s) but refusing to let anyone else in it (the latter being capitalist hellscape: a metaphor). It sucks but it's true.

(And Hatori is first in line in the "I don't blame Kana for needing this and for putting her own health and well-being first" camp.)

2) Kana: "Zero regrets." Akito: *injures Hatori's eye* Kana: "1 regret."

I believe Tokyopop's line was "It would have been better if we had never met." The typical implication inferred from that being, I believe, "I regret that I met you."

Went and grabbed the volume now to look at the themes….early in the relationship Kana talks about how Hatori must have been scared, of course he'd distance himself from someone he loved, but there's no need to be scared, don't push me away, I'm happy I met you, I want to be near you. So it's very much feels like an about-face when it ends with Kana saying "I think it would have been better if we had never met," even with things like "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you" sprinkled in.

The reboot dub has different nuances to me. I believe the line is more like "This wouldn't have happened if we had never met." The typical implication inferred from that being, I believe, "I regret that you got hurt because we were together."

And I think that distinction is very important for not feeling betrayed by Kana leaving and moving on, for not feeling that Kana didn't put much effort in really. "I'd never regret meeting you" to "I definitely regret meeting you" is a bad look here. "I'd never regret our relationship" to "I regret that our relationship hurt you" is a very different flavor. And the latter is certainly implied in the manga too it's just that the lines, without context, tend to have harsher default implications.

I also feel like "I want to be near you" is half an argument, arguing back against the idea that Kana does not in fact want this. Yes it references back to Hatori keeping his distance because he's afraid of the curse being discovered, but I feel like the emphasis on want has me always read it as Kana repudiating an off-screen earlier comment by Hatori that of course no one wants to be near him he is cursed and a monster and turns into a seahorse. The answer to that being, too bad you're not actually unlovable I actually do want to be near you.

I believe the reboot dub line was, simply, "I want to be with you" or something like that, with no particular emphasis on want. So the import of the sentence to me falls on To Be With You. Look I'll flesh out better what I'm trying to get at here in the next section, eventually:

3) Y'all I'm not sure Kana was actually let go from her job???

I have, in the past, been guilty of thinking that Kana ought to stick things out the way Hatori clearly stuck things out.

I have, in more recent years, realized that this is probably not a sticking-it-out kind of situation.

I mean, let's say section 1 was not an issue. AU where Kana magically gets cured of her depression after waiting it out long enough, somehow, even though that makes no sense because environmental factors are still at play. Actually that's what this section is about. Environment.

Let's have an analogy. A hypothetical you has a house plant that has thrived for a good long time, seemingly with no special effort, and you put it in a pitch black room, and it struggles for a while and dies. What the hell, the analogy!you says, somehow not knowing why this happened and thus feeling very righteously indignant. This plant has always thrived so well before and now it just gave up and died on me for no reason at all??? Oh yeah it has "problems" well how can it have "problems" now when it's never had "problems" before??? The thing this analogy!you has failed to understand is that plants need sun to grow (also needing sun to grow is not a "problem" it is not a "design flaw" and it is certainly not a sudden new occurrence), you deliberately placed the plant in an environment where you deprived it of sun, and then you blamed it for dying when you were the one who refused to give it the sun you had always given it before that had allowed it to thrive.

(This is also an analogy about ableism, if you were wondering about the sudden fervent passion there. An analogy about internalized ableism and support and capitalist hellscapes. I am, in fact, bitter. Thank you for noticing :)

Actually before I get to my point I want to collect together a sketch of Hatori and Kana's relationship based on the very blurry reference image that is canon, because otherwise I don't remember these things and can't keep them in place long enough to connect any dots:

Hatori and Kana's entire relationship is the span of about 1 year. Per the collector's timeline they meet in "winter," and ask to get married the following "fall-winter", and Kana leaves the Souma later that same winter.

They are probably just out of college, Hatori should be like 22-23 which I can assure you, from 30+ years, means they are babies. Looking back at my own life experience I can tell you in hindsight that it is definitely true that your brain does not finish developing until closer to 25 and sure "puberty" kind of peters out by the end of high school but from about 17 to 25 was an absolutely horrific brain puberty of idk mental illness??? It wasn't exactly the autism, that's always been steady, but the "anxiety disorder that picked up speed until I would have guaranteed multiple panic attacks a day every day with palpitations, vision blurring, extremities going numb, vertigo, disordered breathing, terror, and the absolute urgent conviction that I would throw up right there all over the customer's groceries and knowing I would get yelled at for running away and disappearing in the bathroom in the middle of an order since I never did in fact throw up so let's hope this time isn't the time it happens!, all while holding down a 40 hour constant-customer-service job" waxed to a terrible peak (let's see actually when we got the car I was 22 and I remember it was bad but hadn't fully crested yet at that time) and waned in that time and has since stopped existing somewhere past about 25. I can still technically have panic attacks but no longer have a separate panic disorder, and the fact that it was temporary plus the timing makes me think it was the brain equivalent of your knees hurting because you got tall. The point being, Hatori and Kana are old enough that people go "ah yes they are adults" but they are actually they are children whose prefrontal cortexes or whatever are still disasters. The point being Kana is a precious early-20s baby whose brain and body betrayed her horribly.

Hatori hasn't had an assistant in the years since, so I'm not sure if he asked for an assistant and was given Kana (and after was like "welp never doing that again, I can manage on my own somehow"), or if someone in Kana's immediately family was like "the job market is hard, please nepotism" and convinced Akito to magnanimously bestow the position upon Kana even though it wasn't necessary. That's probably not relevant. What is relevant is that after a certain point Kana starts laying out Hatori's clothes for him to wear in the morning because Hatori, a man after my own heart, hates making outfits to get dressed in the morning and thinks a suit is an all-purpose adult uniform so as to make the process easier and even then would rather someone just picked out his clothes for him. This means that they are either having "sleepovers" on the regular or Kana has fully moved into Hatori's place.

I think I started questioning whether Kana got fired from her job or not upon Akito vetoing the engagement because the reboot places her in Hatori's office for the line about no matter what Hatori said or did Kana did nothing but cry. Why that specific setting, rather than, say, the atmospherically dark and barren room that Mayu later visits Kana in? Is it because Hatori is a doctor and he is trying to treat Kana's illness? Is this simply before Kana stops being able to get out of bed? Did Akito say a huge fuck-you to Kana by informing her in no uncertain terms that Kana has no future with Hatori and must keep her hands off Hatori, but still must show up to work every day instead of being instantly banished? I assume Kana was originally "outside" family, but the room Mayuko visits Kana in seems to be "inside" still since Shigure had to sneak her in.

Which makes me suspect that Akito kept Kana close to really make a point before ultimately driving Kana away, instead of sending Kana away immediately.

Back to environment after that very long tangent. If this is the case, that's a really horrible bullshit situation. That is not a stick-it-out situation.

Every day, wake up in the room that was previously your room, instead of in your boyfriend's room which has been yours for many months. Have you had enough spoons to start moving your things back into your place? Existing is hard, now you are crying again. Get up and go to work, where it's just you and the man you love, the man you still love, the man you have been told in no uncertain terms that you have no future with. You will never get married. The head of the family will never sanction your marriage and the man you love will never marry you without that approval. The man you love will never leave this family. (Hatori has probably been honest and open about that, because it is True.) Feel guilty that you fucked up, that because you love this man and you want to be with him his eye is permanently injured and you both have to live with the knowledge that you can never be together. Feel guilty that you should have seen this coming (there was a reason you didn't openly admit you were in a relationship until you actually asked for permission to marry). Blame yourself, because who else is there to blame? It's not Hatori's fault, you know that, Hatori is the victim here. Hatori says he doesn't blame you, but Hatori also doesn't blame Akito, the person who is tormenting the two of you and who physically hurt Hatori. Hatori literally agrees that Akito is justified and that Hatori knew he was betraying Akito by being in a relationship with you. And Akito openly blames you at length. Based on all evidence you can see, based on the abusive environment you are in, it is clear to you that you are in fact to blame for everything that happened to the two of you. You thought you were making Hatori's life better, you thought the two of you would be happy, but that is clearly not the case and you certainly can't undo it all or make things better now.

There is no light at the end of this tunnel. Things will never get better with time. Akito's mind will not be changed. Hatori's mind will not be changed.

(That leaves Kana. She can either bend—change, accept the end of this relationship, leave—or she can break. She does both, but in reverse order.)

This is not like Yuki, sticking things out until he meets Tohru, until he meets Kakeru, and his world opens up and his mom relents on controlling his future. He had no guarantee the light was there, but he decided it might be and walked for long enough to find it.

This is like Kyouko, trying to stick it out to stay with Tohru but unable to overcome blunt force trauma and blood loss. This is like Kyou, who says the worst thing he can think of to prevent Tohru from confessing she loves him, because he knows they can never be happy together because he will be locked in a shed on the Souma property until he dies and Tohru will not be allowed to step foot on the estate. These are not situations you can wait out.

(This is also like Tohru, who does want Kyou to do what makes him happy because she loves him as a person, who knows she can be okay with Kyou loving someone else because she genuinely wants that for him. But not right now, right now she is not at all okay, right now she is recovering from a head injury and she's only a teenager and she hasn't processed and she can't just stop feeling her feelings no matter how much she tries to repress them and she can't cope and she cries every time she hears Kyou's name even though she knows this isn't the end of her life and her happiness. Being able to be okay in the future is not at all the same as being okay now.)

"I want to be with you," Kana said. But she can show up to Hatori's office every single day for the rest of her life and she will never, ever be with him. Being in the same room is not, in fact, the same thing as being with him.

I think the despair and depression eventually would have gotten to Hatori as well. I think it is a matter of Hatori simply being a different person, as well as having different life expectations. Kana has, presumably, always expected to marry a man she was wildly in love with and have a family. Hatori has, presumably, always been told that he will become a doctor, have a perfunctory marriage and a perfunctory child if Akito approves. (Hatori was the first one to tell Akito he was seeing someone, so until that incident they were all unaware that Akito was not actually going to let any Zodiacs marry anyone.)

For Hatori, falling in love with Kana was an unexpected surprise and Akito ripping them apart was a sudden-but-inevitable-betrayal and a return to the status quo. For Kana, falling in love with Hatori was exactly as expected and Akito ripping them apart came out of nowhere with no logic and was not something she would ever have predicted or been able to see coming.

So while it was still also traumatic for Hatori, I think it affected him differently. I think it was a thing he could more readily cope with, at the time. And once he made the decision to suppress Kana's memories, Hatori suddenly saw the light at the end of the tunnel. This was the only way out for both of them. His life would be the same as he'd always expected, and now Kana's life would be again, too. She wouldn't be heartsick anymore over her destroyed relationship with Hatori; at worst, she'd have the idea of an unreciprocated crush, a fantasy that never panned out (not a reality that turned out to be unsustainable), disappointing but still status quo. She would leave this godawful family and go out of town. She would have the opportunity to meet someone else under circumstances where she could be happy.

So even though it broke his heart to do it, I think Hatori didn't feel trapped as soon as suppressing Kana's memories became a real option. Life is so much easier to bear when you have the option of an escape route. No matter what the situation is, if you're trapped and you have no options it's absolutely intolerable and you're consumed with how horrible and intolerable it is and how much you want to get out but you can't get out and every day it's harder to breath and you can't look ahead at all because you have no hope of things ever changing. It's Kana getting set free that allows Hatori to cope with a future where he has no prospect of a happy marriage, that allows Hatori to cherish his memories of his relationship with Kana instead of being hurt by them.

I think if the possibility of Kana getting her memories suppressed and sent away had not been on the table, sooner or later Hatori would have fallen prey to his own despair-spiral.

Anyway...I can't remember if I had any more thoughts to elaborate on...this has been a very long post to say "it's important to remember that life sucks".

--

Welp after that wall of Sad Kana Hours I think I'm going to want ready access to previous shenanigans!Kana posts:

shenanigans!Kana toasts her former boss hot doctor at his wedding to her bff

shenanigans!Kana and Momiji are amazing I love them

[many-but-one]

Hey, I saw your post explaining your views on endos and as a proxy-endo plural (formed to cope with trauma/stress at an older age, as far as I can tell) I think your take on it as an exaggeration of IFS is really neat. I didn't choose to experience my altered states in the way I do, but I think I subconsciously formed them to help me cope with stress, especially as an autistic person who cannot deal well with change. My different "modes" help me adapt to different situations and help me feel more capable. Thanks for keeping an open mind. Hope you're doing well.

Hello! I’m really glad our post resonated with you. Early on in our system experience we were starkly anti-endo, even had like Endos DNI on our pinned and everything. (Which was fair, boundaries are important for everyone if they choose to set them. We don’t use DNIs anymore.)

But as we started healing in therapy and started hating our own disorder less and realizing how honestly incredible the brain was I realized that the brain will literally do just about anything to help itself cope with traumatic stimuli. As a child, it broke me into literal pieces. While I do believe endogenic plurality is definitely not quite the same as OSDDID levels of plurality in terms of things like separation of parts or amnesia between parts (if you are having amnesia between parts, that means you likely have dissociative barriers in place which likely means Trauma). I feel like this is especially true because one of the largest arguments I see from endos is that their systems are NOT “systems of parts” and they DON’T consider themselves a fragmented whole (many traumagenic systems think this too, I know that, but this is something I’ve seen from endos the most) which means that in endogenic plurality maybe their parts really are more like separate people, like in an IFS situation. And for endos that didn’t make their systems on purpose (which…I’m still not really sure why some do that, but to each their own.) I feel like the exaggerated IFS with characters or OCs or more “alive” versions of their “inner child” or “inner teen” or “angered self” or “work/school self” etc just kind of Made Sense to me. I feel like this could almost definitely be more capable from someone who already HAS “modes” and “masks” like an autistic person does, which is why you see so many endos who are also autistic.

Ofc I’m NOT saying my little theory is set in stone, that was just my way of wrapping my brain around endogenic systems and why they might exist without childhood trauma. And when I kind of opened my mind to that I was just kinda like “huh. That’s really cool, actually.” Brains, like I said, are very plastic. The trauma that literally damaged my brain as a child? While those wounds will never fully heal, our brain can bounce back with healing, grace, and time. Realizing that WE could come BACK from what was essentially repeated traumatic brain injuries as a kid, it really makes sense that the brain would change in the presence of teen or adult trauma too, and if IFS times 100 is what helps someone survive the literal hellscape that is middle school, high school, abusive parents, abusive siblings, manipulative friends, etc., then of course the brain will fucking jump on that shit quick. The brain is remarkable at surviving, it will do whatever it can to do so, even if it’s maladaptive or detrimental after the pain and trauma end.

AKA us having DID helped us survive as a child but is not helpful as an adult, at least not before we started cooperating. Now I can’t imagine life without them. But if I could choose to not be traumatized or have alters, I personally would choose no alters or trauma. This stuff is hard as hell. But I am no longer resentful towards the disorder or to my brain for making us have this disorder. The brain is capable of so much, so why are endogenic origins so far-fetched, I suppose? Ofc, there are probably plenty of people who claim endo (and traumagenic if I’m being honest) origins who aren’t plural and are using it for roleplay. Which 🤷🏻 is none of my goddamn business and nobody else’s either.

That’s just my take on it! I’ve already started losing followers but I feel like I need to be a more positive and open person rather than so fucking angry about something that’s not going to change anytime soon. Like, anti-endos being so enraged and bullying endos is not going to make them stop anytime soon. Especially if it’s something they legitimately have and can’t stop. Are there some endos that might have repressed trauma? Yeah probably. But that’s not always the case and to try to force someone to accept trauma early on and without proper therapy is just dangerous as hell. Our DID specialist, when some of the ugly details of our trauma started spilling out, actively encouraged us to have a little bit of denial. Deep down, I knew it was real. But letting myself sit on the denial train for a few weeks let me come back and process the very real memories with a clearer head and heart. A lot of endogenic folks who have repressed trauma probably do not have access to trauma specialists and to try and jump start trauma processing by yelling at them to accept they’re traumatized or ELSE is just. Gross, honestly. There are huge vices on both sides of the community, but both sides of the community have also brought great things. Research from scientists who support traumagenic theories has allowed us to understand our disorder more, and endo positive companies like Simplyplural and Pluralkit have changed the game for systems, both on the pro and anti side. To actively say neither side has ever done good and neither side has ever done bad is just false. We all have done really bad shit to each other and I wish we could just not be so damn angry all the time.

Alright, rant on your ask is over lol. Thanks for sending this in. I was honestly worried I was going to offend endos by posting that little theory and I didn’t want to make them think I was boiling down their experiences to just IFS because I am not endo and I don’t have that lived experience so I can’t talk over you. Just like endos can’t talk over OSDDID systems about OSDDID. *wink wink nudge nudge* lol.

-Jules

[bonesandthebees]

Okay, so Stars, I have so much to talk about. These 8-10k chapters are spoiling me and each time my brain is overflowing due to all the content you put into it. At some point I really do need to start rereading the entire thing, because I’m missing things I want to talk about by the sheer volume of them. Anyway, onto the ramble!

Stars!Wilbur is slowly making his way towards a mental breakdown (which was to be expected). He’s a pillar in the ocean (love that analogy btw). Nikki - his entire support system, best friend and other half - isn’t there. He has no one to lean on, no one to turn to, no one to help him navigate this political hellscape.

The pillar is crumbling, the lack of support is slowly wearing him down. Every time he makes a mistake, the pillar cracks. And every time the pillar cracks, more of his composure crumbles and he makes another mistake. He’s already lost his control, but he has yet to fall apart, start crying or snap and use his voice. Though if he doesn’t find a new support system or a healthier coping mechanism than shoving everything down until he eventually snaps (most likely at Tommy), it won’t be long before he does have a full on breakdown.

Then there’s Tommy, who doesn’t have this problem because Wilbur is his entire support system. Combine that with healthy coping mechanisms such as: blowing off steam joking with friends or sparing your anger away, and you don’t end up with severe paranoia.

Last part of this ask is Wilbur’s constant need tone perfecting and uphold the illusion that he knows what he’s doing, withholding him from using Tommy as a support system. He will confide in him and trust him, but he won’t let Tommy see him cry. He won’t let Tommy see how much he’s falling apart. He won’t let Tommy help him because he’s the oldest so he shouldn’t be relying on his younger brother.

-🌲

spruce!!! very excited to see your commentary as always :D

so glad you loved the pillar analogy, I was very proud of it!! niki was a huge part of his support system back on eldingvegr, and i'm really glad I can start showing his breakdown as a result of all the pressure plus not having her around. every new incident is another crack in his foundation, and he's already crumbling.

and youre right! tommy doesn't have this problem because he has wilbur taking care of him so he's not feeling the pressure in the same way. yes he's feeling pressured, but not nearly as much. especially since he also has the better coping mechanisms you mentioned

wilbur really needs to have that same support system. he needs to let tommy support him and needs better coping mechanisms, but the way he puts pressure on himself to take care of tommy and be the leader isn't going to let him do that :) basically, wilbur is having a horrible time of things and is just gonna keep going down a downward slope

[dontcallmecarrie]

Replying to the commenters of this post [heads up for angst]:

To @kine-iende, who said:​

hot damn. if "our" justin was a mom-friend in their home-universe, here people would start questioning if justin was in secret a very motherly scrull or something (and be fine with it ^^). but yeah, love the trope too. was it "for the want of a nail" or "through a mirrorm darkly"? well, contrast and a what could have been would be lovely. feel enabled, whenever you want to write this :)

.

I am not very familiar with the concept of Skrulls [...iirc, that’s something introduced in Captain Marvel, which I have yet to get around to], but yeah, that tracks. Assuming it’s a thing they know to look for, though, because here Justin’s being themself is the biggest and most obvious way to establish that they are not canon!Justin.

Sure, they’re identical physically, but the moment either Justin opens his mouth, the jig’s up. 

As is, not five minutes into this strange hellscape where their oldest rival looked at them with no small amount of disdain in his eyes at first, Justin had already managed to charm their way out of holding and into a very relaxed “we’ll keep an eye on him” Avengers custody. 

Well, on paper at least— in reality, most of the team doesn’t really give a damn one way or another, whereas Tony starts out morbidly curious as to just how different NHDD!Justin is to the one he’s used to dealing with, and ends up getting a concentrated dose of All The Feels™ because the moment NHDD!Justin realized this Tony had a metric buttload of undiagnosed-and-constantly-belittled mental health issues and a support system that was equal parts duct tape and caffeine, he went “oh, so this universe is the Hell Timeline, okay, makes sense :) :) :) dammit Ivan you’d better fix this stat”. 

In retrospect, Justin’s not sure when exactly the horror show started; if it was the absolute lack of concern or care the Avengers had for their Tony, or the minute they noticed the gauntness in his face. Maybe the tension between Iron Man and Captain America, or the obvious bravado this Tony used– and the fact that none of the others so much as noticed.

All Justin knows is, a version of someone they care about is hurting, hurting badly and has been for a long time now, and that’s more than enough for them to go “oh, okay, mine now”.

.

For his part, Tony has no idea what the hell’s going on. The non-annoying Justin Hammer who crash-landed an Avengers debrief is...something else, and he’s torn between shock, pleasant surprise, and no small amount of existential angst and jealousy because in the span of a few hours, Tony’s had a brief taste of what some other version of him had for a lifetime, and...

Tony’s not sure how he feels about it. He’s a genius, he can wrap his head around string theory and all that good stuff, but numbers are one thing, having to live with the fact that somewhere out there, a version of him grew up with someone so unfailingly kind and supportive and—Tony can’t think of a better word for it than nurturing— and, in the span of seconds, had been able to call him out on his bullshit and seemed to instinctively push him to be better but not in the demanding way his father or the rest of the world had—

If he thinks about it too long, it makes him want to cry, just a little. Somewhere out there was a Tony who’d been enough for someone, who had never been asked to change himself, who’d been pushed up instead of repeatedly torn down and he didn’t know how to deal. 

He’d thought having a non-annoying Justin around would be funny.

This was not, it was goddamn distressing is what it was, because Tony hadn’t even known it was a possibility but now he is acutely aware of the fact that he got stuck with his Justin— the human embodiment of one of those yappy dogs who nipped at people’s heels thinking they were so tough, despite not being able to back it up.

This Justin was, uh, not that. Tony wasn’t sure if he was always like this, or if it was only with him because he shared a face with someone Justin cared about, but... was he always this much of a mom friend? And where’d that granola bar even come from, anyway? Not that he minded, it was a nice change of pace, but really?

...Tony was really going to miss him, once they figured out a way to send him back home.

.

To the commenter who said:

Stephanie isn’t a canon character, is she? Because if not, NHDD!Justin might be able to pull off a “the birth of my little sister awakened my previously deeply buried parental instincts” to explain his whole… [gestures uselessly].

.

Technically, she could be, in that Justin Hammer has a sister and nephew in canon [according to the wiki and a deleted scene, apparently]. I chose to make her a younger sibling in NHDD, to really emphasize the ‘reincarnated with shitty memory’ aspect of this AU. Specifically, while it’s never specified, Justin’s past life was...not great, and part of it was the fact that their younger sibling was sick. 

With what, they don’t remember anymore, but sick enough that they know health isn’t something to take for granted; sick enough that towards the end, they remember their parents had to choose between paying hospital bills and electricity, remember going to bed hungry because meds were expensive and their next paycheck wasn’t until Friday.

...suffice it is to say, there’s a reason Justin’s so protective of those he cares about, even if his memories faded a bit on the specifics as time went by.

To be fair, canon!Justin also cares for his sister and nephew; it’s just that NHDD!Justin acted more like a third parent than a sibling, once Stephanie was born. 

Bear in mind that canon!Justin’s situation is very different than NHDD!Justin’s, because canon!Justin was basically set up to fail from the start as a normal kid who was constantly compared to a child prodigy two years younger than him and terrible parents. While NHDD!Justin’s situation is similar on the surface, the difference is they’re literally a reincarnated OC, with all the baggage that entails.

Maybe, if their second life hadn’t been surrounded by adults with A+ Parenting Skills, 0/10 Do Not Recommend, their issues and traumas from last time wouldn’t have been exacerbated. If they’d been born to a regular family, Justin would’ve been a good kid but nothing special, and their memories of a past life would’ve faded away by the time they hit puberty.

But instead, they were born to the Hammer family, and proceeded to be put through the wringer. 

Which is bad enough, and meant they immediately started leaning hard on everything from their past life because these people wouldn’t know good parenting if it bit them on the nose, but...then Justin’s little sister was born, which immediately kick-started every older sibling instinct they’d ever had because last time they’d been responsible for their younger sibling’s health and safety and you can probably see where this is going. 

aka yes, some of Justin’s behaviors could arguably be called trauma responses and/or coping mechanisms and it’s something I only realized as I was writing this, and no, this AU was not supposed to be this messed up

Justin’s responsibility, their willingness to deal with shitty parents and do tremendous amounts of emotional labor if it helped anyone they took under their wing? That’s no accident, that’s what happens when a soul has to be the adult, has to step up because nobody else is going to. There’s a reason Justin has so much disdain for Hank Pym and Howard Stark’s immaturity, why they have so little patience for their parents as time goes on; their mental age means the older they get, the more they’re looking at the adults around them and judging them hard.

...ahem. Sorry for getting a bit off-topic, but hey, at least now you know a bit more about what’s going on inside Justin’s head!

And yeah, if he had to bs an explanation for why he’s such a mom friend, Justin’d be more than happy to point to his little sister as an excuse. So long as they know she exists, anyway; if not, he’ll just laugh it off and try to chalk it up to one of the differences between their universes.

.

edit to remove the stuff that got through my nonexistent brain-to-mouth filter because I was averaging a not-optimal amount of sleep as I got used to my new job

[theliterarywolf]

Antis: If you fantasize/like it in fiction, you enjoy and condone it in real life! Using fiction or kink to cope is unhealthy, you're just retraumatizing yourself! Actual experts, professionals and therapists: Fantasies featuring taboo themes are actually quite common in the population and they're usually harmless. Using fiction and kink to explore trauma and confront it can be therapeutic due to giving the victim back control and replacing it with more positive experiences.

Anon said: I think you can just pull back up the "reality affects fiction" thing, since I think many people still only have the mind of "fictions affects reality" when in most cases it doesn't work that way.

Anon said: I'm fairly certain the dragon maid mangaka just drew loli/shota porn as drawing actual children is very much illegal in Japan. Morally reprehensible and gross? Absolutely. Comparable to actual cesm? Not at all.

Anon said: Ah yes, Bidoofs second law in action. A person who pretends to have the morale high ground, and have an impeccable and pure character, literally is into weirder shit, or "worse" shit, than they initially complained about.

Compiling all of these together since they came up around when I posted about the bad take saga of the ‘I’m Tired of 1,000 Year-Old Loli Dragons’ chick. 

Does she have a name? Yes. 

Does she deserve me allocating space in my brain to look it up and type it here? No.

I hate how, thanks to pop-misinformation farms like Tiktok and, hell, even this hellsite, you have people trying to push the idiotic notion of fictional writings and drawings bearing the same weight upon society as offenses happening to real people and victims.

There was a woman on Tiktok talking about ‘Okay, so today I just learned that scientists have found that our brains are literally incapable of separating fictional characters from real people~’ 

And, to the SANE members of society, this is obviously bullshit but so many people are taking a short video with no backing as gospel that it’s like ‘glad that you guys want to live in a hellscape fusion of The Giver and Fahrenheit 451 -- not the TV remake they made a few years ago, but the actual fucking novel -- but, uh... I like being an actual person, so...’

And of course these people will always end up showing their assess in regards to being into just-as-bad-if-not-worse shite than what they decry. You would think they would learn that ‘assholes who reign from glass castles should not throw grenades’, but here we are again and again and again...

[victimofthemusic]

2020 (Fanfiction) in Review:

I was tagged by the always lovely @dancinbutterfly to do this lovely trip down memory lane of the hellscape that was 2020. Buckle in folks, it’s gonna be a long one.

Fics written this year:

if you’re not asking, then i’m not telling—Top Gun (Ice/Mav)

the further on the edge, the hotter the intensity— Top Gun (Ice/Mav)

steal me all the way from myself—Top Gun (Ice/Mav)

you’re trying hard not to show it, but baby i know it—Top Gun (Ice/Mav)

somebody to lean on, somebody to hold—Top Gun(Ice/Mav)

nothing compares to you (nothing, nothing)—Top Gun (Ice/Mav)

and they call it (puppy) love—Top Gun (Ice/Mav)

the truth is I’ve never seen a mouth I’d kill to kiss (until now)—MCU (Peter Parker/Bucky Barnes)

...and when the rain washes you clean (you’ll know)—Karate Kid/Cobra Kai (Johnny/Daniel)

i’ve been afraid of changing (because i built my life around you)—Karate Kid/Cobra Kai (Johnny/Daniel)

i want to be with you (everywhere)—Karate Kid/Cobra Kai (Johnny/Daniel)

and you drew stars around my scars—Karate Kid/Cobra Kai (Johnny/Daniel)

And a Christmas themed LawRusso fic, coming soon to an ao3 near you!

Takeaways from reflecting on your kick-ass writing, or kick-ass lack of writing, during a year more focused on survival than perhaps any other:

Be patient. Give yourself breaks when you need it. Know when to push yourself and when to back off. When to take advice and when to follow your gut. Plot outlines and plot points are key to writing a good fic. Knowing your characters and who they are as people. And every fic idea, no matter how wild, is always worth exploring and writing down. Even if it takes you forever to flush it out, it’s worth saving for a rainy day.

Me returning to my WIPs:

Most surprising fic you wrote this year:

Honestly? All of them. Before Top Gun and KK/CK, I was completely unattached to a fandom. I wrote little one offs here and there and I never thought that I would get to be one of those writers that found a fandom that they wanted to exist in. Not to get sentimental or sappy, but I feel like I’ve really found places where I belong as a writer, thanks two these two fandoms. They may be small, but they are mighty.

How you grown as a writer this year:

Oh man, the growth I’ve seen in myself in this last year alone is mind blowing. I’m a little more confident, creative and I’ve learned to take my time and edit my fics before posting (still working on it but we’re getting there). I’m really honing in on who I am as a writer, what works for me and what doesn’t, trying new things and challenging myself. I also finished my first chaptered fic this year, which is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I learned to rely on others for help and guidance. I’m a HUGE (read: gianirmous) control freak when it comes to my writing. But by learning to let go, just a little bit, I’ve grown IMMENSELY as a writer and I’ve also had the opportunity to work with and learn from some of the most fantastic writers fanfiction can have. Again, thanks to our little family of writers in the TG and KK/CK fandoms, I’ve gotten to know and connect with my fellow shippers. I’ve even been lucky enough to have a few of them reach out and take me by the hand (metaphorically and social distantly) and say, “this is the way.” From beta’ing to just giving me the opportunity to pick their brains about plot lines and possible fic ideas, they’ve been patient and indulgent and I send a huge, loving THANK YOU to them. You guys are amazing and I appreciate you endlessly❤️❤️

What’s coming in 2021:

Oh, I have so many WIPs that I really want to finish and put out into the world for KK/CK. Ones that I didn’t have time to get to this year and ones that I want to finish—shades of healing and you drew stars, I’m coming for you.

I really to return to the Top Gun fandom, I miss writing for Ice and Mav so much. I have so many WIPs for those two that I would love to go back to and finish. My return is inevitable because Top Gun: Maverick will be out and I have a feeling I’m going to have to bury myself in Ice/Mav fics in order to Cope. I also miss my homies over in the TG fandom.

And with that being said: @icemankazansky @boasamishipper @writeyourownlifestory tag you’re it! :)

[meloncubedradpops]

Repo! The Corona Opera

For every rotation that Earth has completed around the sun since the dawn of humanity, humans have created art to cope with the realities surrounding our everyday life. We weave stories in songs, movies, plays, books, paintings, and so forth, that help digest the world around us and provide an entertaining escape from the cruelties we endure. Some stories take place in abstract universes or in the future, and we rely on what we know in our present reality to build upon these fantasy societies. My favorite movie, Repo! the Genetic Opera, certainly makes this list. We are currently experiencing perhaps the most surreal year of our collective lives, and with each passing day I argue that we find ourselves closer to the world crafted in Repo. I have seen this movie, at least 20 times. If you haven't watched Repo! the Genetic Opera or you haven't seen it in a while, I recommend giving it a view. The movie is unique in that it falls under three distinct genres: musical, horror, and sci-fi. And while the jury is out on whether our future society is going to go full on gothic aesthetic, I can say that the Repo! movie experience offers a glimpse into a dystopian fascist post-plague world wrapped in unapologetically hilarity with a heaping side of camp. It doesn't offer any spiritual cleansing that our souls collectively need, but it does show us what a new normal could look like if we really go off the rails.

As things stand, right now, so much of our daily lives and culture are impacted by the coronavirus. All of our institutions have been impacted, from school, to work, to family, to the way we interact with strangers, and especially our economy. We have all felt the effects in one way or another, and honestly? Most the impacts are of our own undoing, for better or for worse. I am going to write three pieces analyzing Repo! the Genetic Opera. First I will create the foundations that bridge our contemporary life and the world of Repo! Second I will explain how the Repo! universe operates under the definitions of fascism. And third I will weave together parts one and two into our contemporary world (particularly in the context of the United States) to highlight the dark path we heading towards. My viewpoints are of mine, and my own alone. Let's dive into part one.

Part I Repo! the Genetic Opera takes place in the year 2056. Humanity was on the brink of collapse as a result of a medical crisis that caused massive organ failure.

I never gave the premise much thought, at least not until recently. We aren't given much detail beyond the fact that entrepreneur Rottissimo "Rotti" Largo solved this crisis through his company GeneCo. GeneCo provides organ transplants that can be repaid through a payment plan. Witnessing the coronavirus unfold in real time and seeing its wrath, particularly on severe cases, honestly makes me wonder if the writers had some sort of "super plague" in mind when creating this universe. For the purpose of this analysis, I will assume that humanity suffered at least one infectious disease crisis. And just to reiterate covid-19 particularly, we really *don't* know what it's going to do to us long-term. Let the parallels begin. 

The world in Repo! the Genetic Opera, operates as normally as the citizens possibly can, which appears to be quite limited. I have noted how dated some the technologies look.

For a world 30 years in the future, it lacks cell phones and easy access to internet. When we enter Shilo's world (aka her bedroom!) she watched Blind Mag sing on a busted up tiny ass TV and the program itself looks like an ad on Home Shopping Network.

The Graverobber is shown reading headlines on a newspaper. The news reporters shown in the ribbon cutting ceremony during the 1st Italian Post-Plague Renaissance have old school cameras with flashbulbs.

The most contemporary technology appears to be a Wish.com version of an Apple watch, and even that looks like a leftover prop from Spy Kids.

Obviously the people who made this movie intentionally inserted these anachronisms, but why? This is a science fiction movie after all. I speculate that they reverted back because the impact from humanity's crisis resulted in an overall professional "brain drain" from the sheer volume of professionals that dropped dead. In fact every scene depicting medical procedures looks dimly lit and lacking in sanitation. We will see this as we struggle to contain the coronavirus, at least in America. Healthcare workers have already died from this thing, and I am sure many prospective college students will have second thoughts about a career in healthcare. I mean hell, look at no other than GeneCo itself. That company employs workers called "Genterns" who are most definitely not in full PPE. I don't doubt their medical expertise, but they appear to be disposable (please see: that time Luigi killed one for NO REASON in "Mark it Up").

On that note, it really was quite incredible how China built the pop-up hospital in Wuhan in under 4 days, but it was also not the most safe or structurally sound building by far (it collapsed, people were hurt!). Maybe at this point, the people in Repo! don't have much of a choice. I am sure there were likely legit hospitals, but the fact that the Renaissance had gross surgery tents is a bit unsettling.

This is a world that is completely built upon the social more of valuing your health above all else. There had to be a turning point in the GeneCo business model where they really played on up-selling organs for the benefit of "genetic perfection". "I needed a kidney transplant desperately. GeneCo showed this single mom sympathy. This makeover came for a small added fee. Now I look smashing on live TV!" Imagine signing the documents for your power of attorney while actively going into renal failure, when your doctor chimes in with an up-sell for breast implants. When all is said an done, your body is now not only functioning again, but you're hot! Even in a post-plague dystopia we are still holding value to having a nice rack. What's not to love about GeneCo? Obviously we know right away that GeneCo has a dirty side. Rotti Largo personally lobbied to make organ repossessions legal, and he does not hesitate to recollect his property. The concept itself is, of course, wild. In America, our healthcare system is incredibly broken and expensive.  You would wonder how it could get worse without us backpedaling many steps on the industrialization timeline. And in a lot of ways, I could see a company like GeneCo thrive here. We already hate the poor, and we have political think tanks that salivate over the idea of cutting social programs that keep people alive. Our president has wanted to repeal the Affordable Care Act while many people are unemployed during a pandemic. In Repo! we hear about those who don't pay, but obviously there are plenty of people who do. Those who can will happily pay, either for vanity reasons or to stay alive.

And while society cites Rotti as being a "hero" for humanity, we see more and more evidence that the crisis is both not under control and life is cheap.

His son murders multiple people, in front of others, with seemingly no repercussions. In the scene where Shilo meets the Graverobber for the first time, adjacent to the graveyard and tombs owned by wealthy families who could afford grave markers, lies a poorly constructed wall hiding thousands of corpses piled on top of one another. We even get a glimpse of a truckload pouring more onto the pile. I would not be surprised if there is a disinformation campaign there keeping the public in the dark (although you'd think the smell would be unbearable at this point).

There are multiple indications that propaganda works in society (still), and no one is getting the full picture of how much of a raw deal the people in Repo! have. We see poster after poster about GeneCo, in the literal absence of other corporations. 

And a lot of them bear resemblance to 20th century Russian propaganda. It would be a real shame if the goals outlined The Foundations of Geopolitics: The Geopolitical Future of Russia were actually realized. Imagine going to visit your mother's grave and hearing commercials for hardcore analgesics play through the cemetery. Also, there's a police presence too. Apparently the police are called Genecops and have authority to execute any assumed graverobbers on site.

Imagine the hellscape it would be to live in a world where your loved ones may have died from a terrible pandemic, and you face a non-zero chance of an over zealous cop murdering you thereafter, and because their qualified immunity bypasses the judicial system entirely...oh wait. Anyways let's circle back to the Graverobber character.

Graverobber's role in Repo! appears to be minor on the surface. Rotti's daughter, Amber Sweet, appears to almost despise her relationship with him. And that relationship involves him supplying Amber with what he describes as the "21st Century cure". This cure you ask? A super effective painkiller with the clinical use to accompany GeneCo surgeries. This drug is called Zydrate, and it has a street version that he acquires and sells, with clients including Amber Sweet.

Graverobber makes his living sucking the glowy blue brain corpse goo and injecting them into people on the streets. Yum!

Not everyone who needs an organ transplant can pay for it all upfront. Luckily for them, GeneCo provides payment plan options! The caveat to this is if you fail to make those payments, legally GeneCo can come and repossess your newly acquired organs. If you find yourself past due, you will soon see the last face before your doom, the Repo Man. He will harvest GeneCo's property, and it won't matter where you are or what you are doing. There is no anesthetic, and you will likely die! This was all made legal through Rotti's lobbying efforts.

Society, as it's set up today, allows for property repossessions. This can be as straightforward as a repossession of your vehicle to as heartbreaking as a foreclosure on your home. At the end of the day, the impacts of that are difficult and life changing. Currently millions of people in America are out of work, and the threat of losing everything is at stake for many. We could lose our homes, our vehicles, and our sense of purpose. And while many government bodies have created temporary moratoriums, they have not provided any substantial financial relief to keep the proverbial repo man at bay. What went wrong in this dystopia to normalize the concept of death due to nonpayment? Fascism! Ah yes, the dreaded f-word. In my next essay, I will outline the 14 characteristics of fascism and how it relates to the universe in Repo! After I will relate that to our modern world so that we can try and stop this from becoming our reality.