#but many won’t use it like that consistently because then every boss in the world would be defined by it

[arolesbianism]

So I know I said no stalien relationship charts tonight but I never said no dynamics infodumping tonight so erm

Behold. The basic dynamic characters and what very broadly they represent. Some additional notes under the cut 👍

So! To clarify some things, it’s important to note that while all of these can be used as their own independent word, they’re rarely used as such to describe a relationship unless you Really don’t want the person you’re speaking with to know more details, or you are like talking to your boss or smth and are trying to be professional. Even in these situations however, a few of these words are seen as a bit weird, although not unheard of, to describe a relationship with by their own. For example, the clash one is usually seen as more of a modifier to surrounding dynamics, with passion being a similar case. Also important to note that the ones for liking or disliking someone is used pretty conservatively generally speaking, with them mostly used for situations where one is particularly giddy or particular upset to be around someone very consistently. No one can like stop you from using either more liberally, but you’ll probably come off super strong if you do, which tends to turn people off. On the other hand, feel free to use deep or distant very liberally, even combined, as they tend to be the much more general and vague dynamic pieces, and mostly just are used as approximations for how much space the other occupies in ones head.

Now, for this next part, let’s use an actual example on how these pieces are put together and how you describe your dynamics with others in different situations

This is Busy and Dancer’s dynamic, with them having the fairly standard 3 ring dynamic that most good friends will have. More or less rings can be had, but more than 3 is very uncommon, mostly due to most digital spaces and jewelers not supporting more than 3 rings. Generally speaking, the center represents the most boiled down component of the relationship, and this will be the word you use if you are being super duper vague about your dynamic with someone. For these two it’s the pretty standard deep, as they are very close and spend most of their time together. The surface layer usually covers the way you’d describe your relationship to others offhand, so either a simplified version or an altered version that leaves out parts that might be too personal for you to want to share. You may also chose to include things you don’t fully see as part of your dynamic, but think are applicable enough that it’s worth note, such as the like segment that these two have. You also typically will divvy up the space on the ring according to the impression you’re trying to make, which for these two is that they have a very close relationship, and that when they do butt heads it’s affectionately.

The second ring tends to be where things get more complicated, as they’re generally meant to represent the “true” relationship of the individuals involved, and as such how that relationship is conveyed varies wildly from individual to individual. These two have taken a much more simple approach, taking what they see as the consistent cores of their dynamic and not bothering with any extra segmenting. Extra segmenting within one dynamic piece is a common practice used in second rings, usually to emphasize a piece, or to draw attention away from other pieces. Busy and Dancer don’t see much need to place extra emphasis, so they simply use the method of scaling them by relevance. With deep again being their most important piece to them, with clash and passion being the other two bits of consistency they settled on. So for their second ring dynamic, they are basically communicating a close relationship where they sometimes fight, but would still stick with eachother to the end.

Now the last important thing to note is that while it’s commonly expected that people who are particularly close decide on one dynamic circle that encompasses both of their feelings, this is not the norm for most dynamics, and most won’t even communicate their dynamic with the other at all until a second ring is established. Having a second ring with someone basically establishes that they regularly have had a noteworthy impact on your life, and that your relationship is complicated enough that you feel that you two do have a properly established dynamic. It’s generally seen as very important to be able to clearly communicate your dynamics with others that you interact with regularly, and while it’s not uncommon for people to stretch the truth or even flat out lie in their dynamics, it’s still seen as more socially normal than only using one or two descriptors for your dynamics. Most staliens from this society would find the word “friend” to be a frustratingly vague description of someone’s relationship with another person, even if their own words for describing relationships also tends to get kind of vague and interpretive lol.

[tatzelwyrm]

In Defense of Dark Souls 2 – Scholar Edition

Now that I have finished all of the Dark Souls 2 DLCs, I must say, people don’t give Dark Souls 2 enough credit.

Is DS2 a perfect game? No. But think of all the nice things Dark Souls 2 gave us that later Soulsborne games (including Elden Ring) adopted:

Fast Travel between bonfires is immediately available after leaving the tutorial area.

Fast Travel is available from every bonfire to every bonfire (excepting Primal Bonfires).

To increase the number of Estus uses you upgrade your flask instead of upgrading individual bonfires.

Levelling up is tied to the Firekeeper/Finger Maiden/Doll equivalent rather than the bonfires, allowing for Majula to become something of a hub world, much more than Firelink in DS1.

As a consequence, Emerald Herald, to me, is much more fleshed out as a a character (like the Doll or Melina) than the Firekeepers in DS1 (Elden Ring chose a unique middle ground by having you level up via your friendly neighbourhood maiden, but having her appear at every bonfire equivalent rather than in a hub area – which made me not feel connected to Roundtable Hold or any of the other areas as much as I did to Majula, the Hunter's Dream or DS3's Firelink).

Weapon upgrades are far less complicated in DS2 and subsequent Soulsborne games. There’s still different weapon categories that use different upgrade materials but the different upgrade paths are easier and quicker to unlock because they aren't locked behind as many different kinds of embers.

There’s also a bunch of exciting stuff only DS2 did. The most prominent example of this is

ADJUSTABLE DIFFICULTY!

By giving us the following:

Extinction – Enemies stop respawning after you’ve killed them about 12 times.

Bonfire ascetics – Burning an ascetic at a bonfire allows you to manually force an area into a higher NG state, respawning enemies that had previously been extinct (ensuring you can keep farming souls) and even respawning bosses that you’ve already beaten.

Joining the Company of Champions covenant increases damage output and defenses of enemies and disables friendly summons (you can leave the covenant any time via the talking cat. There are no penalties for leaving covenants in this game).

The only other Soulsborne game that allows you to play around with difficulty a bit is Bloodborne by making enemies becoming stronger and giving them additional moves if you increase your Insight score enough.

Do you know how many times playing DS1 and DS3 I thought “If this was Dark Souls 2, I’d be getting rid of that one guy”?

And, finally, I simply feel like DS2 managed to capture the spirit of DS1 very well while still managing to be its own game (as evidenced by the new mechanics mentioned above) rather than simply being a rehash of its predecessor.

I don’t think the areas in DS2 are as consistently creatively unique as the areas in DS1, but the spirit is still there.

There are multiple areas that can be made easier or harder by using your torch (Brightstone Cove Tseldora (at least in Scholar which is the version of the game I played), the Gutter, Shrine of Amana. The torch can also unlock special items for you (Things Betwixt, the Gutter). The windmill in Earthen Peak can be burned (there’s even an NPC summon pointing this out to you). It's a neat way to make players consider using a 1-handed weapon without a shield for a bit.

The invisible enemies, thick fog and moaning trees make navigating Shaded Woods particularly creepy – and you can use the moaning trees to distract the enemies while you sneak around them!

Aldia’s Keep has that Dragon Skeleton that moves – once! I’ve already forgotten what the trigger for this was, so this is gonna be a guaranteed jumpscare the next time I play this game.

The Wyverns at Dragon Aerie only become hostile if you step on too many of their eggs.

If you duel the big fellas at Dragon Shrine one-on-one the other enemies won’t attack you.

There’s also the many Pharros contraptions that you can unlock to find treasure and/or traps throughout the game. (I just wish these had been more integrated into the gameplay in Doors of Pharros. Like, there's an entire area littered with these things, named after the guy who invented them, but it’s also the one area in the game in which the contraptions don’t do anything exciting. Imagine if this place had been more akin to Sen’s Fortress. They could have given you special Pharros stones to disable the traps in this area – special ones so you can’t accidentally insert them somewhere else and make the level unplayable.)

And that’s just some examples from the base game. The DLCs are each centered around unique level mechanics.

Navigating Shulva requires you to find and keep track of multiple switches to raise and lower platforms – and to disable traps and find hidden pathways inside the Dragon Sanctum. (So maybe they overdid it a bit with the switches in this one. There’s like 3 of them that I never figured out what they did because I lost patience, but it was still a nice change from the more combat-heavy areas.)

Brume Tower (probably my favourite area in the entire game) has a lot of elevators for you to navigate once you figure out how to active them while the Ashen Idols pose something of an environmental threat. Additionally, there's lots of gunpowder and fire for you to use and abuse as you wish.

Frozen Eleum is, well, frozen the first time you enter it and unfreezing parts of it allows you to access new areas and make the final boss fight a lot easier (with Burnt Ivory King making for the best spectacle fight in the entire series, IMO, if you find and bring all the Loyce Knights).

Compare this to Dark Souls 3. I loved DS3 when I played it (still do). It has incredible boss fights and very smooth, fast-paced gameplay and an epic soundtrack. But you can’t deny it’s is also a lot less daring than its predecessors when it comes to level design and the related mechanics. This is true for what I've played of Elden Ring as well.

DS3 (and Elden Ring) are well-made games, but there’s an unhinged charm to the some of the more unique level mechanics of DS1 and DS2 that make them such weird little games and it breaks my heart a bit to see that the newer games didn’t try to replicate any of that.

Even though a lot of these mechanics were a bit broken, Dark Souls 1 and 2 wouldn't be the same without them. I can’t help but wonder if it were all the complaints about DS2 that made the developers deliberately cut back on weird little ideas for DS3, resulting in a very enjoyable, very polished game that is still somehow less than what it could have been because the devs decided to play it safe.

[protags-fic-blog]

Princess Peach Showtime Demo

So! Just finished playing the demo! It’s a little off-brand for this blog, but it’s very clearly a game targeted at women/girls, and I am in that target demographic. I thought I should talk a little about it. Minor spoilers for the first 2 levels.

🎀💐🎀

So! First thing’s first: the game. I think, so far, it’s pretty good! I saw someone a little upset about how the game controls are simple… but I have a feeling that the costumes will work similar to captures in Mario Odyssey. It controls pretty well. The combat is very easy if you’ve played combat games before though. Some simple timing and the like. I knew to do certain things based on visual language (jump over shockwave), so that’s good! One thing I noticed was that it does not entirely hand hold. The first level’s ‘boss’ wasn’t given a flashing red weak point, and Stella (we’ll get to her!) doesn’t give hints on how to defeat it. Instead, it uses the game mechanics established in the lead up to the battle, and lets you apply them.

I do wish there was a tutorial for Patisserie Peach’s cookie game, as I didn’t know that I could time it to where it glows rainbow—I figured I could only let it rise until it shines, which made me only get 1/3 stars. That should’ve been taught in the warm-up batch.

🎀💐🎀

Next up, characters! There are two new ‘species’, the Sour Grape crew and Theets. Sour crew is fine, cute design. The THEETS? Oh my goodness. I love them. I simply love them. They’re so cute! I love that their noses express their emotions. I admit, I’m partial to using body colors to show emotion, but it’s so cute—there’s a mad Theet by the door in the lobby and he reminds me of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Of course, we also have our new side-kick, Stella. She’s cute! I think she’s got potential. I don’t think she’s on the same level as Origami King’s Olivia, but she’s small and cute. I wish she was the bow in Princess Peach’s outfit though. Or like, an accessory on the bow. And it would fit right in, since our princess normally uses a blue hair tie!

Princess Peach is… here. She feels like Y/N. Like Link, she doesn’t have lines on screen to show us what she’s saying, even if it’s clear she’s talking. But she does have some small voice lines. I’m not quite sure how I feel about the voice yet though.

🎀💐🎀

Last category, is it worth it? Worth your time, yeah, sure! It’s simple, and pretty easy (but those were just the first 2 levels so take this with a grain of salt), but it’s fun and feels full of charm (ily Theets). But is it worth the price? I can’t be so sure. Nintendo games are consistently priced at $60 USD (though Walmart often sells them for less), unless it’s a remake (then it’s usually a base price of $50 USD). The demo took me about 35 minutes. Watched all cutscenes, played first level, tried to get Star #3 in that level after beating it and failed, then played the second level. With 10 costumes, assuming there are separate little ‘worlds’ for each, that’s about 150 minutes for every single first level. We have no info on how many levels each ‘world’ has, but assuming a minimum of 3 and a maximum of 10, that play time could be between 450 minutes and 1500 minutes. Take an even 5 level amount and that’s 750 minutes, or about 12.5 hours. But there may be more content! Who knows?

🎀💐🎀

So, my take. It’s cute, but I can’t say right now that it is worth that $60 USD price. I will be getting a job soon, and my birthday comes soon too, but I definitely won’t buy it until I see how long the average play-throughs are. I’m saving as much as I can for college, and if that means skipping on the game because there isn’t enough content, I think I’ll be okay. My advice is to play the demo, then see how you feel. And if you’re buying a Switch just to play this game—please wait!!! I made that mistake by buying a Switch for Animal Crossing…. Before it was delayed over 1.5 years. And then ended up not being my main source of fun. From one gamer to another, you’re essentially spending $360 for one game. Make sure it’s worth it first.

But, that’s all! Let me know what you all think about the game. Excited, disappointed, reconsidering buying, or reconsidering passing it up? I’d love to know <3

[eruvadhril]

A section from “The Science of Discworld” by Terry Pratchett, Ian Stewart, and Jack Cohen:

There is an aspect of education that we want to draw to your attention. We call it ’lies-to-children’.

We’re aware that some readers may object to the word ’lie’ - it got Ian and Jack into terrible trouble with some literally-minded Swedes at a scientific conference who took it all terribly seriously and spent several days protesting that ’It’s not a lie!’ It is. It is for the best possible reasons, but it is still a lie. A lie-to-children is a statement that is false, but which nevertheless leads the child’s mind towards a more accurate explanation, one that the child will only be able to appreciate if it has been primed with the lie.

The early stages of education have to include a lot of lies-to-children, because early explanations have to be simple. However, we live in a complex world, and lies-to-children must eventually be replaced by more complex stories if they are not to become delayed-action genuine lies. Unfortunately, what most of us know about science consists of vaguely remembered lies-to-children. For example, the rainbow. We all remember being told at school that glass and water split light into its constituent colours - there’s even a nice experiment where you can see them - and we were told that this is how rainbows form, from light passing through raindrops. When we were children, it never occurred to us that while this explains the colours of the rainbow it doesn’t explain its shape. Neither does it explain how the light from the many different raindrops in a thundershower somehow combines to create a bright arc. Why doesn’t it all smudge out? This is not the place to tell you about the elegant geometry of the rainbow - but you can see why ’lie’ is not such a strong word after all. The school explanation diverts our attention from the real marvel of the rainbow, the cooperative effects of all the raindrops, by trying to pretend that once you’ve explained the colours, that’s it.

Other examples of lies-to-children are the idea that the Earth’s magnetic field is like a huge bar magnet with N and S marked on it, the picture of an atom as a miniature solar system, the idea that a living amoeba is a billion-year-old ’primitive’ organism, the image of DNA as the blueprint for a living creature, and the connection between relativity and Einstein’s hairstyle (it’s the sort of crazy idea that only people with hair like that can come up with). Quantum mechanics lacks a public ’icon’ of this kind - it doesn’t tell a simple story that a non-specialist can grab and hang on to - so we feel uncomfortable about it.

When you live in a complex world, you have to simplify it in order to understand it. Indeed, that’s what ’understand’ means. At different stages of education, different levels of simplification are appropriate. Liar-to-children is an honourable and vital profession, otherwise known as ’teacher’. But what teaching does not do - although many politicians think it does, which is one of the problems - is erect a timeless edifice of ’facts’ *. Every so often, you have to unlearn what you thought you already knew, and replace it by something more subtle. This process is what science is all about, and it never stops.

* As humans, we have invented lots of useful kinds of lie. As well as lies-to-children (’as much as they can understand’) there are lies-to-bosses (’as much as they need to know’) lies-to-patients (’they won’t worry about what they don’t know’) and, for all sorts of reasons, lies-to-ourselves. Lies-to-children is simply a prevalent and necessary kind of lie. Universities are very familiar with bright, qualified school-leavers who arrive and then go into shock on finding that biology or physics isn’t quite what they’ve been taught so far. ‘Yes, but you needed to understand that,’ they are told, ’so that now we can tell you why it isn’t exactly true. Discworld teachers know this, and use it to demonstrate why universites are truly storehouses of knowledge: students arrive from school confident that they know very nearly everything, and they leave years later certain that they know practically nothing. Where did the knowledge go in the meantime? Into the university, of course, where it is carefully dried and stored.

Wading through native plant gardening resources and trying to inform other people, both through posts and in real life, has shifted my point of view on what misinformation is and does.

I don't really know what to do with it yet. But I've realized that it's often impossible to be accurate when teaching people who know very little about a subject. You have to simplify incredibly complex, nuanced things to the point where it feels like a total hack job. If you specify every complexity of the thing you're explaining, the people you're talking to don't absorb the core principle.

Various posts i've made about ecology and gardening stuff have been called "misinformation" and I'm just like. Think of it as a highschool textbook. Half of what it says is wrong but you must understand the "wrong" model to move beyond it.

[greenjokwe-blog]

Bloodborne - Finished 19/01/2023

Third FromSoft Souls-like game I’ve finished now! Kinda scary to talk about this one considering the game’s INSANE reputation as one of the greatest things ever, and I definitely did really enjoy it and think all of these games I’ve played so far are definitely masters of their craft, buuuuut I did have my fair share of gripes with it.

Okay first off I should make the biggest and most obvious complaint about the game clear - this shit NEEDS a modern day update. Constant pop-in and framerate drops really kinda bog down a lot of the games best moments, and if they just ported the game onto next-gen consoles with a slight patch update the game would be an undoubtable recommendation from me.

Next up, the most obvious COMPLIMENT for the game! The world is absolutely stunning. It’s all so beautifully dreary and intimidating, and keeps that feeling throughout. While it does make me miss that variety and scope of constantly traversing Dark Souls, the consistency of the theming here and believability of a real breathing location definitely makes up for it. The designs of all of the characters and enemies here are also excellent, REALLY perfecting that Lovecraftian horror design, legit you won’t see shit that looks like this in any other game.

Then there’s the combat, which... hasn’t really swayed me one way or the other on Souls combat in general, which is good, but not in a vacuum. Every single weapon is viable now! Which seems neat, but ultimately means you’re less likely to experiment when you use one build the whole time, which is probably good for some, and the game at least makes up for it by making upgrading multiple weapons at a time fairly painless, but there’s a lot LESS decision-making than in Dark Souls, and even less than it’s “more aggressive” system here would have you believe, because a lot of bosses in this game can be defeated by just spam-dodging into them and wailing R1 mindlessly. Until you get to the The Old Hunters that is in which case HOLY FUCK I THINK THEY BUFFED UP THE BOSSES A BIT TOO MUCH.

Oh yeah, the bosses, right. The big Souls selling point. They’re pretty good I guess. The thing with me is that I always kinda craved the insane diversity of the bosses that Demon’s/Dark Souls always gave, and these bosses are definitely a lot more consistent and there’s nothing as bad as say, Capra Demon or Maneater, I also feel like there’s also nothing as good as shit like Artorias or even Sif (This is why we love Micolash in this house). I did also really like the final boss though, and shit like beating Matyr Logarius first try, or FINALLY beating Orphan of Kos after so many hours gave me a feeling of satisfaction I won’t feel in any other game, so I think it still works pretty well.

The worst part about going through this game though, for me, was the Blood Vial system. I’ve alluded to it but a lot of shit was done in Bloodborne in order to streamline the combat experience, one of the big things is give you a default max of 20 healing items on you at a time so you can more easily spam them while struggling in a boss (it even lets you move while using them now, how sweet). However, what this DOES mean is that Blood Vials only come back to you when you have enough unlike Estus Flasks, and are overall closer to working like the healing items in Demon’s Souls, so guess what, THE GRIND IS BACK BAYBEEEEEEEE! JESUS is it a step-down in almost every aspect, the ease of use in bosses is not worth me grinding at this one spot over and over again to either 1. get blood vials from enemy drops or 2. get enough blood echos to hopefully buy enough vials to fight the upcoming boss for the next 10 minutes. This, along with the Nexus-like hub world labelled Hunter’s Dream, just feels like Bloodborne taking unnecessary step-backs from what Dark Souls established in order to make the game “more convenient” when it does anything but.

So uh... Bloodborne. Still VERY VERY VERY GOOD don’t get me wrong!!!  Absolutely worth playing and isn’t much like anything else, but... I still prefer DS1!!! Sorry!!!

[notalkingbusiness]

More Thoughts on TWDU & The Caryl Spinoff

Okay.  I wrote a post a while ago about some of the problems with TWD “universe”.  Some things have changed after SDCC.  Importantly, the “where’s Rick and Michonne” mystery should be settled before long.  The idea of the Richonne spinoff still seems a little strange to me (whatever happened to the movies?) and it won’t have any of the qualities that would have made the Caryl spinoff so unique.  But hey, the Richonne spinoff still makes a million times more sense than Isle of the Dead.

Whilst I’m here, I wanted to touch on the CDC/French plotline for a little bit, as it looks like these elements are going to be important to the franchise going forward. The creative minds behind TWD have made many questionable choices over the years but using Dr Jenner’s reference to the French as the linchpin of TWD’s expanding “universe” is truly bewildering.

Scott Gimple used one of Jenner’s lines (“The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be”) for the title of the S7 premiere.  “Wildfire” and “T-S 19” obviously resonated with Gimple, and he has praised the CDC plotline in the past: “The thing that means so much to me about season one is, I was a fan. I was watching live every Sunday ... And then later, in my Walking Dead life, I hear people maybe taking shots at [the CDC episodes]," Gimple told Decider. "And I was not one of those people. I had a great time those Sunday nights. And there are some moments in the CDC that I love and I remember”. TWD Universe Boss on Bringing Back The Walking Dead's Dropped CDC Plot (comicbook.com).

Of course, Gimple is entitled to like what he likes, but I think that there have been much better episodes than “Wildfire” and “TS-19”.  I also think it’s worth noting that Robert Kirkman regrets the whole CDC plotline as he always tried to stay vague in the comics about the cause of the plague and what was happening outside the US.

https://www.cbr.com/robert-kirkman-reveals-his-biggest-walking-dead-regret/

For reasons best known to themselves, the powers that be at AMC have made Jenner’s comments integral to the future of the franchise.  Variant walkers and Jenner talking to French scientists featured in the post-credit scene of WB.  The 11C trailer shows that we’ll be seeing variant walkers in TWD before long.  Details about the Daryl spinoff are few and far between, but his story seems to be intrinsically linked to Jenner’s comments about the French.

This whole French thing is baffling to me, and it seems like whoever decided on this new plotline wanted all the acclaim for foreshadowing something in S1 without putting in any of the work.  They’re piggy-backing off a throwaway reference – it reminds me of when the BBC’s Sherlock introduced a whole secret evil sister plot after a couple of jokes about a lost sibling, or when J K Rowling provides world-building via Twitter and whatever she has tweeted just falls apart if anybody thinks about it for more than a second.

I could never class the reference to “the French” as meaningful foreshadowing or set-up, because it hasn’t ever been mentioned in all the time in between the S1 finale and now. They’ve had SO much time to set Europe or fast walkers up if they wanted to.  They could’ve had the walkers get slightly faster and smarter each year and they could have thrown in a reference to France every season. There’s never been an issue with including easter eggs in the past, the Darabont era was full of them – think of the upside-down American flag in the RV (an official distress signal) or the bible verse outside the church in S2 (foreshadowing that Sophia was already dead).  

I can’t understand why any creative mind would give so much weight to this single reference to the French.  Why would you prioritize a line spoken over a decade ago/an exotic location over consistent characterization or world-building?  Why on earth would you send Daryl to France (which only seems more egregious now that the other spinoffs appear to be US based at this moment in time)?

The relationship between Carol and Daryl is the emotional core of the show.  If TWD loses Caryl, it will lose its heart as well as its head – we’ll get variant walkers that make no sense in-universe alongside a whole load of narrative choices that seem unfathomable (like Maggie and Negan pairing up for Isle of the Dead or the possibility of Daryl leaving Carol behind for France).

All of this wouldn’t sting if the show had always been bad, say if TWD was more like Z Nation, which features a runaway Liberty Bell plowing through the undead like the rolling boulder in Indiana Jones (go look it up, I’m not kidding).  But TWD has been smart in the past and you can intellectually engage with the show. Like I outlined recently, Kang’s allusions to the Cold War in S10 are so good. The best zombie narratives are closely linked with social commentary and critique, e.g., George A. Romero engaged with issues surrounding race, gender, and class - Kang’s work slots into this tradition. I’d take her intricate work and careful storytelling over foreign locations or fast walkers every time.

The whole CDC/French thing is just based on the shakiest of foundations – like, you’d condemn a house with foundations that unstable.  It’s mind-boggling that the writers are relying on one line said over a decade ago to re-pivot the franchise, rather than honoring the characters and world that they’ve built.  I feel like it should almost go without saying, but there’s no doubt in my mind that the Caryl spinoff would have been structurally sound.  Caryl have been developing their bond for 11 seasons for crying out loud and we could all see where they were going when New Mexico was repeatedly mentioned in S10.  Caryl taking off and pursuing their New Mexico dream would have felt right. The CDC/French stuff and whatever they have Daryl doing on his solo mission never will.

[sugar-petals]

sub!Yuzu | nsfw alphabet

🌹 NOTE ⇢ content for our fave figure skater, the legend himself. mr. yuzuru hanyu is 1000% dom candy and i’m here to honor it at length ⛸

— WORDS. 5k

tags + warnings. dom/sub dynamics, femdom!reader, role reversal hc, smut, kinks, cum play, spanking, sex toys, very freaky yuzu, kitten play, mdlb, crying kink, food play, prostate orgasms, bondage, some deeper stuff & angsty bits, asthma mention, aftercare

  A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Once the cat ears come off, who is Yuzuru Hanyu not to remain in character for a while. For the shits and giggles, and because it’s cozy. Once a catboy, always a catboy, it’s the law of the land. Curling up, kneading at you for the head pats and massages, you know the programme. 

Also: Yuzu is famously soft-spoken and always finds the right thing to say. So, stimulating conversation for the cooldown. This is literally so nice. He’s unafraid to reflect everything in detail, say what he preferred, what you could change up together, what he wants to try next. The afterglow is not just physical, as in you give him something to drink, it’s 70% verbal which is very important to him as a consistent habit.

Of course, not to forget: Always gotta have a Winnie Pooh plushie ready. He embraces it readily and, as we know him, does some roleplay right then and there. Yuzu, professional cutiepie he is, is the kinda sub who treats all plush and pillow stuff as alive and breathing. You as his domme are in on the play and also treat his things as holy as they are to him. That Yuzu lets you into that world is the biggest compliment you can possibly get. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

We all know Yuzu’s godly ass and thighs. Or the staggering waist and beautiful black hair that makes him a total bombshell in his classic comb-back styles. His face is soft and expressive and so damn unique, his legs muscular and long, his back and tummy chiseled, the list goes on and on. Jesus, he has so many great features. All body parts a masterpiece. That are all capable of god-tier contortionism on top of that, gotta mention it in passing. Just so you know if you haven’t seen him bend his every limb into directions you wouldn’t believe are humanly possible. 

Interestingly though. If he chooses, Yuzu picks his feet: They are his most important instrument and weak spot. His ankles are where the magic happens. So, you taking care of them a little would mean the world to him, imagine a candle light massage. Not to worry, no-gross-alert. Yuzu has perfect and cute feet. That’s gonna be a Victorian moment, oh my god I saw his ankles. For his partner, short and simple: He likes a shoulder to lean on. He loves being touchy in general, all body parts are amazing to him. Being in a profession that’s all about the physics, Yuzuru knows about the wonders of the body.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Certified king of cumsluts, doesn’t even hesitate. The more, the merrier. If he’s not covered in sticky stuff, Yuzu would be underchallenged. It’s less about the taste, texture or any degradation, for him it’s the playing around with his tongue. Somebody wants his mouth preoccupied. Give the cat his milk. Feed him his own cum mixed with yours. He’s gonna lap at it and swallow.

Since Yuzu’s dream is a mommy domme baking him something, he just loves the smell of dough and hazelnuts and cinnamon and everything — you know what’s coming: Imagine the food play. Nuts indeed. Anything that even remotely looks like a creampie is something he wants to get his lips on. And Yuzu is not the type to be a foodie at all, let that sink in. Sexual-looking food is just too big a temptation, though. And you spoiling him that way... oh my. Surefire way to end up in bed right after. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has a butt plug collection. Once almost went on the ice with one in. The more you know. Also— this guy is the kinda type fantasizing to get absolutely railed on a bed of plushies. He has troubles suggesting it to you because he doesn’t want them to get actually dirty. But the idea gets the two of you kind of horny. Sometimes, a thought is better as a fantasy than actually executing it. You can use it for riling up’s sake, whispering it to him during dirty talk. How you’ll bounce on him and ruin him and milk him while he’s splayed out so innocently on your bed. I smell corruption kink. 

Another secret Yuzu keeps is just how much he changed his mind about wanting his partner to control everything in bed. He grew up with a pre-defined ideal type of a cute, nice skater girl who’d let the reins very loosely around him, who he can speak Japanese to because he had problems with English, who is small and someone he will protect. It wasn’t something based on experience and trying things out: It was simply expected of him. People wanted the domineering Yuzuru on ice to be that way in private, and make use of his power, be a man, savior, boss. 

The reality being: He never felt truly as tough on the ice, nor was he gender-conforming in person. In fact, that is what he became famous for, and it reassured Yuzuru very often how people would accept and actually celebrate this side of him. Which is so refreshing, and a sight to see. The side that was dorky, clingy, childish, gorgeous, and cute has always been there, but now he embraces it more as his comfort place. He has to know what he’s doing in his skating programme and show competitive spirit to achieve his dreams, but that’s where it stops.

His former ideals are something people wanted to hear, it was an adaptation of the environment rather than thinking it through on his own. So, years later — oh boy have things changed. Yuzuru no longer defines his ideal type that way, saying whoever he likes is someone he’d be with. What was a fantasy template and filter is now gone and adapted to his newfound, own preferences. Yuzu is comfortably open-minded rather than being a copy to mainstream. He found fun in speaking English, opened up to the world at large, had more girls around him who he could befriend, grew more confident in his stature, and is well aware — turns out he’s the cute one. Who needs to be taken under a wing. He likes strong-minded girls and says if he had a wife, she’d dominate him. Yuzuru secretly wants her to be in charge entirely, she owns his body and soul. Not in daily life where things are just normal and everyone goes about their business. Sexually, where he surrenders instead, and is taken care of.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

The tale of an introvert. What he knows — he hides it well. Has eyefucked a whole lot of people and is the type to lust like mad from a far distance, and nobody will ever know. Crushes harder than peppercorns in a mill. If he loves someone, it lingers in his mind every split second of the day, may god have mercy on him. And if you know him: Yuzu aims too high to keep it light and easy and clumsy. He hates being an amateur, he’s terrified of starting out something. He dreads not knowing what to do, how exactly to behave, talk, touch, breathe, respond, negotiate, prepare. That’s a hundred percent like hell to him.

Ironically, he has a natural feeling for it and he’s literally amazing in bed, has a sense for social interaction is all the way cute with something valuable to say. But what he believes is something way different. Yuzuru is a diehard, nervous perfectionist. He can only think of it as a rated performance since his mind usually has to work that way to skate well. His esteem is on a knife edge depending on how well he thinks he does. So, the inevitable: He will shy away from sex altogether. He draws immense skating passion from staying celibate, in fact it’s his success secret, but it still eats him up from the inside and makes him frustrated beyond measure. Not even for the pleasure, since he’s so ambitious that’s almost forgotten about, but for being told he did well. 

That’s how much he believes sex is a drill and capability test. And it’s sad that he thinks it’s like his skating career, racking up points for the impossible things judges want and being in a deadlock when it comes to showing his artistic side. He feels thrown into cold water if he doesn’t know everything beforehand. If he ever works up the courage, which probably won’t happen, he will pay an expert to learn from rather than let something all over the place happen with a random person or even someone he might like. 

Yes, you heard that right. He’d rather see a sex worker than ‘mess up’ his first time according to his sky-high standards. So, Yuzu’s experience remains limited since he’s so 100% do or die, and so anxious, and so torn about social interaction, he doesn’t get how his peers can be playboys and get married and flirt with someone they like and all that. He sort of has an easier time with guys, but girls... he can’t approach. To top it off, he also feels like he’d burden his first time one somebody or embarrasses himself, so he will reject and avoid suitors. Those are usually not the people he crushes so hard on to begin with. It’s bound to be one-sided and he knows, so he will abstain and focus on career and use the cheers of his fans as a substitute.

Truth is, he feels helpless and distant from sex sometimes, especially with his practice-heavy lifestyle and hyper-smart mind, Yuzuru has an intelligence that exceeds what most people can grasp. He’s alone on the ice and Brian as a coach is often the only reference person who truly gets him, and leads him well without being controlling. But that’s professional life. Sexually, Yuzuru is metaphorically: coachless. He surely observed it well when Javier (the #1 ladies man, his opposite) was still active and a social butterfly helping him fit in, but Yuzu would always be worried about his extreme fame and spotless image when introduced to someone fangirling over him. He’d rather prefer someone who comes across as a mentor and solid, loyal-to-death person to look up to. So he would do anything to have someone benevolent like that. Most girls would expect him to be the sex god and expert, but he knows that’s only half of the story and based on his characters on the ice. Yuzu crafts these to counterbalance how he really is — withdrawn and indirect. 

Yuzu is extremely calculating and selective, he scans suitors well, protects his reputation, and is mortified of failure. So, he’d rather learn it by the book and from someone he’s not emotionally attached to. In a one-night stand that might also be the case, but he doesn’t know what to expect, and he’s absolutely terrified of sudden sexual vulnerability. He himself often says he values his own struggle between feeling so weak and being strong again 

Besides: He’d have problems squeezing hookups into his schedule and lifestyle, he’d have to cut down on things and create a double life. Plus, Yuzu is famously inept with social interaction up close, he flees the noise and unpredictability. So, it’s better to have a long-term partner. If he doesn’t know something yet, he has it down in one day like the single axel. Definitely counts on his partner teaching him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

We know Yuzu’s signature move is the lean-back Ina Bauer. So, whatever position allows for an arch is the real deal (cough, taking the strap — oh my god his ass is made for it). But anyway, he can pull off anything with that stellar flexibility and core strength. 

If I think about it. Yuzu might like sitting on your lap very much. I know it’s not a sex position, I mean it can be once his inner lapdancer awakens or you use a strap-on, I rather mean... just for some sweet moments and making out. But yeah: Fathom Yuzu gyrating on your like that. Not in an outright lascivious manner or Chippendales style. The Hanyu way, with embellishments and all the grace. This is gonna be a huge turn-on and perfect foreplay position.  

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not much to elaborate here: Yep, Yuzu is true goofball indeed. Really flustered and clumsy when eye-to-eye in missionary, and yet: He’s ultra serious towards the end, there’s gonna be an aggressive staredown before cumming. The feeling gets pretty intense, his duality between silly and ‘yeah, give it to me’ is no joke.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Would probably die from inflammation if he shaved clean under those tight suits and did all these chafe-heavy skating routines. Doesn’t have a lot of body hair to begin with, but for pits and pubes, it’s alive, wild, and decently long. Out of all people, Yuzu cares particularly about aesthetics, but in this case pragmatism will prevail. He doesn’t care too much about it either as long as it doesn’t get in the way of something. Having sex with Yuzu tends to be well um well all about a hundred types of friction so any stubble would be a bad idea.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

You haven’t seen a guy in love like that. It’s a figure skater thing for sure. Since he works to portray these sentiments on the ice daily, hardly anybody can play up feelings so delicately and palpably like Yuzuru. Emotion is what his entire career is built on. He knows how to express himself directly, appropriately, intimately. Couldn’t be any more romantic. Yuzu can’t go without it. 

Very passionate, ‘for your eyes only’ kind of atmosphere. Yes, he shows off on the ice, it’s his job (although of course, that word doesn’t really sum up what skating means to him). But private Yuzu is someone you can claim as yours. He will make it clear, he wants to belong to you, he’s yours, dedicated, devotion is the entire point. Less with a slant of what some subs like, very hands-on ownership of a mistress. It’s more emotional. He’s really attached and all smitten. Your private little haven is everything to him. 

Talking about little: Yuzu can be quite a pillow prince sometimes. At least when the initiative doesn’t go back and forth as it frequently does, you often alternate with suggestions and ways of tweaking an ongoing play session. You blindfold him or tie his wrists, He might be standard tired from practice or just fascinated to watch you work your magic on him. 

He also likes music to set the tone for intimacy, who’s surprised. Prepare: Yuzu likes dramatic classical music all the way. He’s probably one of the few people who can make it more than ‘classy’ and definitely more than cringe. He selects pieces very well. This is gonna be a practice template to cum together when the music reaches its peak. Makes the whole thing full of adrenaline.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Lots of fun to him. Would beat it 24/7 if the ice wasn’t calling him. Drowns himself in lube. This guy’s me-time is so rated R, Cardi B would be inspired to remix WAP to wet ass penis as an anthem just for him. A dry dick is a ruined day for Yuzuru, as is a session without teasing his prostate in whatever way he currently fancies. Once he tried it, he never went back. The intensity knocking him out is something that Yuzu thinks about all the time. Strokes like a pro, does all these little moans, can do it forever, loves the feeling, chases the high. Adrenaline junkie on the ice? No different with his hand around his cock. 

Will masturbate everywhere in the house and has to really get his head in the game to make sure he won’t ruin any carpets. So, he always has at least two towels with him. In the kitchen, in front of the TV, in the shower, the bed. Watches his fair share of eclectic porn, he gets really desperate. Especially before you started dating, Yuzu would shut himself in until the lotion ran out. Can jack off to something romantic (he starts crying) or something extreme (he loves shocking himself and ). 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Very curious about sadomasochism. Googles a lot of things that make him hard during the day. Often jawdropped by his research, but once he tries things out with you, nothing can really shock him anymore. Absolutely wants to be collared, it’s his biggest fantasy. Another little secret he has, Yuzu is decked out in skating gloves, right. He wishes he could feel you wearing them, or he keeps them on for sex himself, the lacey transparent ones. Looks especially pretty when his wrists are tied so, major photograpy material. Oh yes, Yuzu likes the camera, he can work it. The guy is photogenic in any position and can strike any angle you want. Your phone background is a new Yuzu snapshot every week already, imagine your gallery, 5800 kinky pictures.  

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

I’m gonna say it. The frozen lake out of town, late at night, condoms and lube with you. A quickie that will leave your genitals frozen. Yuzu might get stuck inside you because it’s -15 Celsius. Call that fantasy on ice. Jokes aside: Come on, Yuzu is the biggest ever hermit homebody. The couch will have a bunch of indents after your week-long fucking sessions after he comes home training. Also, at his desk while he does work for university. You ride him, Yuzu studies. Double the ambition. His dick is completely sore. The lake out of town thing might go down, but without sex. Just skating together under the stars, Yuzu doing amazing spins and spirals around you, very very romantic.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Yuzu is a crazed Sagittarius. Have you seen these men? They just want it all. Must be the influence of Jupiter. Zeus was definitely vibing that way. And yes, Yuzu has borderline unhealthy gold medal thinking in bed. He wants to be not just good but damn good with pleasing you. If you don’t have a good time and head home without an orgasm, he’ll consider himself a failure. Yuzu won’t cut himself any slack there. You’d have a hard time changing his ways into something more chill and moderate. Instead, you will see the benefits of rolling with it once you see how improvement fuels him and does make sex really mindblowing.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Couldn’t do things like slapping you, spanking. Yuzu makes for a terrible daddy dom, it’d not suit him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Cum-dripping oral mess, Yuzu is the brave kind. Totally into it, and can’t resist a good blowjob. Will act different afterwards, there’s a lot of erotic tension. “This evening again?” is what those eyes are saying.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Outstanding kinesthetic intelligence. Every inch of his body follows his intent, and yours if you have him take on certain ways of kneeling. Yuzu can do it all, whatever you want. Tantalizing, moderato, overwhelmingly fast. He can take it, he can portray it. And knows the value of a pause like a true connoisseur. Not just when he wants to prevent cumming early, also just because the moment is right. That’s why cockwarming is a staple, as well as you having him wait patiently for kisses. To top it off: If you give him a blowjob, building up the tension by doing nothing is damn effective. The ruined orgasms you’re gonna give him... delicious.

Everything’s gonna have nice transitions as well, no awkward climbing and rolling and tangling limbs. If he gets something from another room that you need, no slouching. The university course as good as the extracurricular activities. Being inconsistent with any subsidiary details? Not in the Hanyu household, he’s keeping it classy. Yuzu feels like if he makes the bridges to new positions even remotely messy, the feeling is killed and it’s as if he’d break character mid-skate. Although he’ll have to practice and refine and test a lot of things because he’s not super experienced and adapting to your own movements is an individualized thing to do, he’s a masterclass of quality, period.

Even when things get fast and heated, nothing feels off. Having that kind of body smartness also means: Yuzu learns by touch, whatever you do. He knows by the way you pull his hair what comes next. How much saliva drips off your tongue when you suck at his neck, he knows how hard you’ll to ravage him in five minutes. This guy observes things you aren’t even conscious of because his physical understanding is just so fine-tuned.

The sense of rhythm, and every skating programme of him will showcase that, unbeatable. Unless his mood is really impacted by something severe, your guy feels it in every bone. He’s an artist, after all, he listens to music all the time. Dissecting rhythms to turn them into movement is what his line of work is all about. The pace will always fit the mood. Everything is precise, but never crude. Instead, the way he moves is dictated by an inherent flow. With little accents that match right with any thrust, like putting his hands on your sides when you’re on top of him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Hit it Shakira: Whenever, wherever! He seemingly carries an entire condom factory with him. Or, to be more exact: At least three of them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

This one’s a complicated case. Yuzu being reckless on the ice may or may not mirror in your private life. He might need some downtime, so bring out the soft domme stuff. No trial and error stuff, just going through a routine of things you love the most. On the other hand, he always gives it all. This guy’s endurance at your hands is amazing. Advanced kinds of BDSM he will not feel deterred from at all. Rough toys, anal hooks, sounding, whips, why not is Yuzu’s motto. But then again. He has such a confusing mix of innocence and feeling like he’s completely hardcore. You might end up experimenting a lot, but also not daring the leap sometimes because the mood is different. And then rather go for softer hours, where Yuzu will be all shy shy and more bursting with excitement than ever. A good, interesting mix is what I’m saying.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Yuzuru, once he gets a bit of practice to gauge the situation... Viagra on two legs, absolute unexpected powerhouse. You might end up pondering to work out a little and go for a run because this guy is in a consistently outstanding shape to say the least. Olympic athletes are literally hard to fuck with. And since Yuzu is starfishing sometimes (which is very adorable), or he’s in bondage for some time, that presents a further problem: For a second round, he’s full of energy, while you already spent energy. So, you alternate with who’s active, and the other leans back entirely. He has to remind himself since his body is programmed for it: This is no contest — the point is feeling good.

You might ride him reverse cowgirl all the way while you watch TV, and after the overstimulation fades he will eat you out ad nauseam, full course slobbering, sweeping the whole menu. That way, it’s less about keeping up with him, which would be hard for most people not doing sports at his galactic level. He understands, Yuzu knows he’s not normal in that regard, you don’t have to worry. Some exercise still doesn’t hurt, just to further increase the quality of sex anyway.

Then again: Why go jogging and do some laps wasting valuable together time when Yuzu’s lap is the best workout? And running doesn’t guarantee your stamina in bed is perfect even if it does help. You rather wanna manage how to draw out the arousal. It’s a self-control thing, with the goal of having you match up in every aspect as good as you can. In which case, you can count on him to pull it off: Have you seen Yuzu doing jumps side by side with a bunch of female skaters? Copy paste. This guy knows how to synchronize with the ladies.

Something that has to be mentioned beside that, though. Yuzu has asthma since 2 years old, and it’s often a mind thing to him still these days. He doesn’t let it stop him from sleeping with you because as always, he’s not letting anything get in his way. He has learned to live and thrive with it. But you both have to mind the possibility of an attack, he prevents it with inhalers, and the mood plays a crucial role. Yuzu being comfortable and confident is so important to his breathing, and keeping a good rhythm rather than being chaotic in bed. So, you will plan most of your sexual activities rather than improvising. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Would stuff an entire sex shop into his every available orifice. Yuzu is a toy freak, he wants to try everything. Motto: a new one every day. Well, almost. But he can afford it. Buys stuff he uses solely on himself, things you use on him, things he uses solo and you use on him, and as the cherry on top, every possible high end vibrator on the market for you. Any size, too. This bitch will browse through the latest innovations, prepare to get off. He’s obsessed with seeing you use it on yourself. Yuzu owns a separate phone just for videos of you buzzing your clit, and him fingering you for minutes and minutes. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Extremely so. Loves to be a total brat only to get put into his place. He does it so you’ll pull the chin grab on him. He likes getting choked out as a punishment as well. Yuzu also tends to be very around the corner if you will when it comes to soft subbing, he lays over expecting cuddles but doesn’t say so. Buds his head against your chest, nuzzles, and so on. Lighter forms of teasing come to him very easily. Loves to prompt. Roughhousing, banter, favorite thing.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Moderately loud because his voice is very very light, but unsurprisingly — he’s just beautiful. What a nice tone. Gorgeous whimpering sounds. And when you go hard on him, voice cracks! And really heavy breathing. What’s gonna be the most striking though is his expressiveness. We know it from the ice and interviews, and he can really amp it up even further. No need for screaming, that face will speak the volumes.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You’ll be blessed with him if you have a huge crying kink. Yuzu definitely opens the waterworks every other week in bed. Happy tears, horny tears, relief tears, aftercare tears, orgasm tears, masochist tears, romantic tears, subspace tears, he has it all. He also begs for the type of pain that makes it stream down his face for minutes. He’s touchy-feely all the way and feels like he can really connect with you that way.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His ass twitching is kind of a spectacle, but I don’t have to tell you, do I. Yuzu has muscles for the gods in there. So voluptuous, you can’t call it any other way. Big booty boyfriend, Jesus you can show him off, he loves it. Around the house, he will flaunt them big ole athlete buns in particular, acting like it’s unintended. Um, Yuzu, those are joggings. Smack it, he is sure to moan. 

And may I respectfully mention as well — this guy has some major big ass balls figuratively and literally. How else would someone be motivated to jump a triple axel like it’s nothing. Not kidding, they’re big and round and ugh. His love for tight pants doesn’t help. He knows what your eyes like and dresses just to flex the goods. Screams for more spanking and pinching if you ask me. Yuzu is definitely serving it. Well-endowed, you lucky girl.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Mega horny, ready when you are. On a scale from zero to hundred? Breaching into the 90 percent right there. Yuzu’s hormones are literally insane. On paper he’s 26, but his dick wants the 18th birthday party. Jesus is he gonna be clingy when he’s in the mood. All wrapped around you in a backhug in the kitchen or when you iron a costume of his, and that’s sexy of him. He’s not gonna hide what’s filling out those sweatpants. He’ll desperately grind up against you like it’s Christmas.

Paired with his puppy eyes and little “Do you have some time... I’ll iron this tomorrow” — instant pounce. He’s admittedly a bit hard to keep up with sometimes, though. The reason: With that level of exercise, he has major pent-up energy. That machine is definitely running. Heavy sports changes your hormones, nervous system, and especially blood flow. Now take that to the scale of his performances and regimens? That equals a firework of horny. No wonder he masturbates all the time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Takes some time. He cools down, sweats it out, chugs water. However, don’t underestimate how tired Yuzu can already be. His daily routines and competitions have a toll on him. Ironically, he’s not a deep sleeper, however. Yuzu might toss and turn and have sudden energy bursts, or ideas, or gets hungry. So, he needs his plushies, he needs a weighted blanket, warm pajamas, a hot cup of his favorite warm drink, a light snack, and you by his side. Spooning him excessively and sometimes even humming to him. Yuzu looks like a certified angel on his pillow, his well-deserved rest from everything is so important, too.

NOTE - hope i could indulge you, thank you for reading!

© 2017-2021 submissive-bangtan. all rights reserved. no reposts allowed. depictions fictional.

[professorspork]

Floating Array Anon here! Those are all really good points! And I'll concede that "weapon" was probably not the best term to use. I just think there's a really interesting debate to be had about the moral implications of creating (or raising) a sentient being for a specific purpose, especially if that purpose involves violence and death. There's a conversation somewhere in there between Penny and Pietro that I really want to see, since Pietro might blame himself in a way for his daughter's fate.

Oh, absolutely! [And here’s that Floating Array post, for those of you just tuning in.]

Part of what’s interesting here is that the show has encouraged us not to think of Pietro that way, because Ironwood is right there. I was going to make a “Penny has two dads” joke about it, but the crux of it, really, is that she doesn’t. She has one boss, and one dad. Whereas Ironwood consistently talks about her like a tool to be used (“Penny is completely under my control”) or a robot as unfeeling as he is (“If there is no Mantle then there is no reason for you not to work with me”), Pietro unequivocally thinks of her as his daughter. That’s what he tells the kids-- “my daughter’s told me so much about you.” Obviously the big crowning moment of this is in Amity, when he straight up says he does not care about saving the world, he doesn’t want her in danger. He wants her to live her life. But that wasn’t an eleventh hour first-time admission. He’s been consistent about this as long as we’ve known him. I’m thinking about his conversation with Ruby in Worst Case Scenario as a sort of prime example. He frets over “what people want to do to my girl,” and then explains:

Pietro: When the General first challenged us to find the next breakthrough in defense technology, most of my colleagues pursued more obvious choices. I was one of the few who believed in looking inward for inspiration. Ruby: You wanted a protector with a soul. Pietro: I did. And when General Ironwood saw her, he did too. 

Every time Pietro talks about Penny in terms of what she can do, her purpose... it’s voiced through other people. The General wanted defense technology. Ruby’s the one who calls her a protector; he just agrees. 

The moral quandary Pietro needs to reckon with isn’t that he made a weapon and called it a girl (see: Rhodes and Cinder), or that he raised a girl and called her a weapon (see: Marcus and Mercury Black). It’s that he was asked to make a weapon, and instead he raised a girl, and now he buries his head in the sand and despairs when she and everyone around her still talks about her in terms of violence and utility. Penny believes she’s not a weapon, most of the time, but she’s a little shakier about what she is, instead. And no wonder, because Pietro’s been dodging the question since day one. He delivered the opposite of what was asked for and then let himself pretend that’s not what happened. Ironwood asked for a thing-- a thing that would stand between Atlas and the darkness, a thing that could protect people... ostensibly so PEOPLE wouldn’t have to get hurt. But Ironwood isn’t squeamish about this because of human cost, he’s intent on it because of efficiency. What’s better, squishy soldiers or an army of combat drones? A dozen tiny Huntsman or one fuckoff giant mecha? Of course he greenlit the Penny Project; it’s all the benefits of a human combatant-- the improvisation, the discernment, the ability to prioritize-- with, as far as he’s concerned, none of the risks. There’s no death for a thing that can be rebuilt, and no pesky feelings to deal with. As far as he knows.

But the problem is Pietro made a person instead, and loved her. But everyone else still needed and expected her to be something else, because that’s what was commissioned. And I don’t know that Pietro knows how to process his own hand in that, and how poorly it went, without framing it as regret for making her, which he absolutely doesn’t. So what would coming to terms with that look like, instead? If Pietro were to blame himself, he’d say something like “I never should have let them use her like that.” But she was made to be used-- he would never have had a Penny to lose in the first place if he hadn’t agreed to make a military asset. There is no scenario where he could have woken up one day and made himself a daughter; he’d never have gotten the funding or materials. He must learn to accept the chicken with the egg. How does he square his complacency with the Atlas war machine with his pride in what he did in spite of it? How does he make amends to someone he doomed by making, when she became so much? I don’t know. That’s not an easy question to answer. Ozpin’s had thousands of years to dwell on it and he still hasn’t figured it out.

Because the thing is, Pietro’s waffling over her purpose got Penny’s sense of identity caught in the middle. She’s getting mixed messages. So many of her most important conversations are about her struggling to figure out if her experience is universal or only her burden to bear. Ruby (and to some extent, Winter) must reassure her over and over: no, that’s normal, everyone feels like that, your emotions are relatable and also valid. She feels so much guilt-- for not being optimal, or for not following orders. She wasn’t able to single-handedly keep the Grimm out of Mantle and therefore ensure everything else could go as planned; she wasn’t able to save Fria; she stole Winter’s destiny from her. If she were what they made her to be, surely she wouldn’t have failed, right? It’s why it’s heartbreaking when she pulls Ruby aside in Refuge:

“I was the protector of Mantle, but now, I am much more than that... and I wish I was not.”

But the thing is, if they bring her back-- and this is one of the many reasons I believe they have to-- she won’t be.

Finally.

This has been the goal all along. Ruby outwitted Ambrosius because she was desperate to get Penny out from under the burden of her terrible purpose-- to do what she’s ordered to, to be at the beck and call of those who outrank her, or die trying. And then Penny went and sacrificed herself anyway, which: of course she did. Because she was taught it was all she was good for, if you want to be mean about it, or-- or because she thought it was the right thing to do, if you’re forgiving. It’s the same thing any of her friends would do, if they were in her shoes. I’m giving you a head start. That’s what love looks like; it’s the choice heroes make. Isn’t it?

But to get at the root of the problem, we have to rewind back further. Penny was reactivated the first time not because Pietro wanted her to be (though surely he did), but because she had a job to do. The contract wasn’t finished; Ironwood wasn’t going to give up on his fancy new toy just because it fell apart. But now? There’s no more Mantle to protect. Atlas has fallen. And beyond that-- her friends don’t need her to be the Maiden, either. That’s a mutable title, and one that has passed her by; they still have one, even with her gone.

So this next time around... she’ll have the chance to process why she made the decisions she did, and to move past it, because she’ll know how much she’s worth to them. Not the Penny Project, not the Winter Maiden, but Penny Polendina.

Which is to say: they don’t need her, they just want her. 

They want her. 

[otonymous]

“The Most Beautiful Girl In The World”: The Guys As Fathers (MLQC Headcanon)

Hi dear Nonny!

What a wonderful idea!  We could all use a bit of fluff every now and then 🤣 I hope you’re doing well too!  Sending you much love along with these headcanons!  Hope you enjoy the read! 🥰💖 

Victor:

Daddy’s little princess - this little girl is the CEO of Victor’s heart

She is also the unofficial CEO of LFG: Victor loves to bring her to work with him every now and then, and all the office staff go absolutely ga-ga over her

Goldman.  Is.  Smitten. (Especially since she has a way of softening Victor’s hard as nails exterior)

Victor likes to front like he’s strict, but he’s not fooling anybody.  Just one look at the tenderness in his eyes when he’s looking at his daughter would tell you who’s really the boss

Psst!  He loves to spoil her!

And by spoiling, we don’t mean that she gets whatever she wants, all the time (although daddy’s heart DOES thrill a little inside to see her all bubbly with happiness after he presents her with a gift) — Victor will also ensure that he carves out time from work to spend with his family (there will definitely be a shift in work-life balance)

He won’t let her get away with everything though!  The man will still insist that she be on her best behaviour when necessary, but he is a lot more lax than you would’ve expected from him

Family time would consist of: horseback riding lessons, teddy bear picnics and tea parties (best believe she will be sending an actual invitation in the mail to Mr. Mills) — you will absolutely melt the first time you see Victor perched uncomfortably in a tiny chair, holding a mini plastic teacup to his lips and asking a stuffed cat if it would like another scone

She LOVES to be Victor’s sous-chef in the kitchen, and when she gets a bit older, she’ll also become daddy’s jogging buddy

Victor will always, always read her a bedtime story, even when he’s away from home on business, even if it means interrupting a meeting (Victor will establish a new norm; his peers will come to respect his family values)

The absolute apple of the eye of Victor’s father and aunt: this munchkin can do no wrong.  If she is to be spoiled rotten by anyone, it would be by these two.  

Every time you go over to their place for dinner, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you’ll be leaving with a trunkful of new toys

This little girl would be a good mix of her mother and father: she’ll inherit her father’s jet black hair, but the intensity of her eyes will be softened by your genes

In spite of all this generosity, your little girl will grow up to be far from spoiled

She will be incredibly compassionate, and will go from donating her many, many books and toys to other less fortunate kids as a child to organizing charity functions, etc., as a young adult.  

Victor couldn’t be more proud.

Lucien:

The shift is seismic the very first time Lucien holds his newborn daughter in his arms

“She looks just like you,” he whispers to no one in particular, careful not to wake you as you get one night of precious sleep immediately postpartum before your nights become interrupted by endless wake-feed-soothing back to bed cycles

Lucien doesn’t sleep that first night in the hospital; he spends it cradling your daughter by the light of the moon seeping in through the thin slats of the blinds

The cool rays illuminate every single feature that Lucien sets his mind on memorizing: her eyes — still a little bit swollen, the flare of those tiny nostrils, the sharply defined cupid’s bow of the most perfectly shaped lips

He is putting his face to the downy soft hairs on the crown of her head, nose pressing to cheek to inhale the scent of his newborn daughter

A tiny seed of anxiety begins to sprout from deep within Lucien to know that he will never have this moment again with her, and it feels like time is already slipping from the tight grasp of his hand

But then suddenly, she opens her big, bright eyes.  Quietly, she stares at her daddy, her irises the same colour as the ones drowning in her gaze, and the nervous clench in Lucien’s gut dissolves

And when she opens and closes her mouth in a soundless gape as if to say that everything will be okay, Lucien knows he would give his life in a heartbeat to protect hers

This little girl is wise beyond her years, and will often say things that surprise the adults around her; family friends will refer to her as an “old soul”

She is far from a little chatterbox, preferring instead to listen and observe those around her, her big, bright eyes patiently taking in every detail

Initially, you’ll be concerned that she isn’t speaking as much as other children her age.  Lucien will take his time reassuring you, an almost knowing smile on his lips.

When she does finally speak, she blows everyone away with the relative complexities of her sentence structures

Little genius: your daughter shares her father’s intelligence and can often be found snuggling up under her favourite camphor tree, books and sketching pencils in hand

She loves flying kites with her mommy and daddy

Quiet but kind, she’ll have no shortage of friends and admirers

You might be surprised, but she also has a wicked sense of humour.  Enjoys delivering jokes with the cutest wink in the world.

Her favourite place in the world is daddy’s laboratory.  The noisy whirs of those big, fancy machines make her jump for joy and Lucien cannot help but smile

There are times — especially when you guys are at your happiest as a family — that Lucien has to fight back the anxiety that all this could be taken away from him.  The melancholic tinge in his smile is so slight that even you could miss it at times.  But your daughter will always catch it.  And when she does, she’ll slip her tiny hand within her father’s much larger palm, look up and give him the biggest smile she can muster.  It’ll always bring him back to the moment.

Little though she is, she gives him strength beyond compare

And on the day of her graduation from university at the top of her class, she’ll be given a priceless gift from her parents: a silver pen named Iridescent.

Gavin:

Usually so calm, cool and collected in even the most stressful of situations, Gavin is a nervous wreck when you go into labour

He is pacing back and forth and back and forth in the hospital room.  You almost want to send him on an errand to get some popular street eats with a guaranteed long line up just so he can calm TF down and not get in the nurses’ way

He is offering you ice chips before you even ask for it, patting at your forehead with a facecloth even though you’re not sweating, giving you his hand to hold every two minutes even though you haven’t started pushing yet

When you mention that he should probably try to calm down since you likely have at least another hour to go before your cervix is fully dilated, he nods in agreement and starts doing push-ups and sit-ups on the floor

The battery of Gavin’s phone dies from all of Minor’s messages asking if the baby has arrived yet

Birdcop is fit to burst from all the joy his body just simply cannot contain the moment his little girl arrives

Because now he has not just one, but TWO of you!

Your daughter will be the splitting image of you, except for her striking amber eyes

The names she gives her stuffed animals will be strangely familiar: Fluffy, Softy, Pearly Jr., etc. (you’ll have to ask her whether daddy helped with the naming 🤣).

Minor’s enthusiasm cannot be dampened: he is over so often with food, diapers and offers to do the housework that you basically have to make him your child’s godparent LOL

Gavin is a giant teddy bear when it comes to your daughter: he cannot say no to her and lives to see her smile

She is gifted with her father’s athleticism, and Gavin won’t hesitate to personally instruct her on the art of self-defence starting at a very young age (needless to say, any future suitors will be given very intense once-overs by Gavin, even little boys at the playground; you can never let your guard down)

Eli is on Gavin’s watch list the moment G-man overhears her shyly asking you about “daddy’s handsome coworker” the year she turned 8

Yes, she will also be getting a bracelet with a GPS tracker LOLOL

She is incredibly strong: could probably toss Minor around like a burlap sack by the time she’s 12

This little girl is all about the thrills, screaming, “Go higher, daddy!  Higher!” in Gavin’s ear as he flies with her on his shoulders

He will take her to the BEST places for stargazing at night (when she’s old enough to stay up) — best believe this is something G-man will lament the loss of when she’s all grown up

Yes, the motorcycle will be her ride of choice the moment she gets her licence (much to her parents’ chagrin)

Gavin cannot help but tear up every time he watches her play the piano, especially if she plays with her mother at the same time

Psst!  He has a photo in his study of the two of you sitting next to each other on the piano bench, the late afternoon sun streaming in through big, French windows, dappled by leaves falling from the ginkgo tree planted in the backyard

He only wishes his mother could’ve been there to see his beautiful baby girl

Kiro:

This little star charms absolutely everyone at first sight: the doctors and nurses that help deliver her are completely enamoured with this little bundle of joy

Tears are streaming from Kiro’s bright blue eyes the moment she is placed into his arms for the first time; he’ll bend over to give you the biggest kiss while gently cradling the baby, the salt of your tears mixing together

This little girl has the best laugh: clear and bright and like music to the ears of anyone lucky enough to hear it.

And she laughs often — daddy is hell-bent on filling her childhood with love and joy and will do anything to make her smile

You’ll often see Kiro crawling around the house on hands and knees, your daughter shrieking with laughter as she tugs on his golden hair, yelling “Giddy-up!” over and over again

Genetics aside, let’s just pretend that her hair is long and golden like her father’s.  At times, she literally looks like a doll come to life, especially with those azure eyes

Budding superstar: this girl has inherited her father’s talents when it comes to acting and music.  She is hitting those high notes, projecting that beautiful voice and basically hamming it up all the time just to get a laugh from her adoring family.

Kiro will “complain” about double standards because Savin will always have a tasty treat for her whenever he sees her, saying “Make sure your daddy doesn’t get any, okay?” LOL

At the same time, Kiro decides to (gasp!) cut down on his junk food habit when his daughter is born.  He actually already started out of solidarity during your pregnancy, and wants to be healthy so he can have as much time as possible with his beloved family

Kiro also cuts back on his workload when his little girl arrives.  This daddy is super involved in all aspects of taking care of his baby and his wife.  You’ll never hear him complain about having to change a dirty diaper.  In fact, he even does it better than you do — no leakages here! LOL

Kiro LOVES to dress his daughter up and will often wear matching outfits with her.  Baby and daddy denim overalls?  Check.  Father-daughter couture?  Check.  

Baby globetrotter: you guys will tag along with Kiro when he flies overseas to shoot on location.  Kiro loves having you and the baby near.

When she gets a bit older, you can bet that they’ll be the best gaming buddies (you’ll insist on her having completed her homework first, but Kiro will secretly let her play one game before she starts - “just don’t tell your mom, or else we’ll both be in trouble!”)

Charming and bright, your daughter is also a bit of a tech wiz.  Learns to code at a very young age under her father’s tutelage, and enjoys building computers from scratch as a hobby.

This little girl carries joy with her wherever she goes, spreading it around like warm sunshine

Shaw:

Shaw is soft, soft, soft the moment he becomes a father

He could be blasé about everything else, but not when it comes to his daughter, the absolute treasure of his heart along with his wife

There will be times that you wake up in the middle of the night and find his side of the bed empty.  You’ll hear his footsteps, softly pacing back and forth before a large window as he tries to sooth your infant daughter back to sleep.  Shaw will look like he literally stepped out of a ‘90s Calvin Klein ad campaign, topless and clad only in low slung pyjama bottoms as he cradles your daughter in his arms, the muscles of his biceps bulging in the pale moonlight that casts a silvery glow on his lavender hair.

(Example of a Calvin Klein ad from the 1990s)

Guess your thirst will have to wait till your daughter falls asleep again to be slaked LOL

This little girl will have her father’s amber eyes as well as the fine features of his face — she will slay all the kids in school with her beauty

Loves to snark her dad but is all sweetness to you (Psst! Shaw (not-so) secretly loves it!)

A fast-talker and quick-witted: sometimes, you think you can actually hear her mind working

Absolutely loves her daddy’s skateboard and would much rather learn new tricks on her own board than play with more age-appropriate toys

She is also a bit of a bookworm: loves to read and is often surprising you with new topics of interest, everything from ancient civilizations to meteorology

Your little girl will often snuggle up to him and ask him what he is reading.  Shaw will then proceed to read to her, even if it’s a paper or a textbook.  Her quick mind has been able to grasp even abstract concepts from a very young age.  She’s a bit of a genius in that respect.

Inherits her dad’s love of music.  The two of them will enjoy rocking out in the basement the moment she is big enough to properly hold an electric guitar (with you sneaking peeks every 5 minutes to make sure she’s still got her protective headphones on LOL)

She’ll take after her dad in that she’ll seem uncomfortable with the concept of authority starting at a very young age.  She questions nearly everything and will drive many of her teachers up the wall, although they will also recognize the extent of her incredible intellect.  She’ll set herself apart at school as a leader, having also the charisma to charm those who would wish to follow

Her dad, of course, is absolutely ecstatic to have a daughter capable of thinking for herself instead of blindly following others (and you will be too!)

🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣🐣

Thanks so much for reading!  Check out more of my work here! 📚 

(Please do not copy/alter/edit/repost my work - thanks!)

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 287: Family Reunion

Previously on BnHA: The Tomura For One VS Deku And Pals clusterfuck reached new levels of clustfuckery as AFO possessed Tomura’s body and stabbed Kacchan and Endeavor. Shouto was all “good thing I leveled up offscreen so as to be able to fly around whilst carrying 400lbs worth of people”, and did just that and it was like, damn, son. Meanwhile Deku’s rage went Mach 100, and he kicked Tomura’s ass for almost two whole seconds, but in the process he apparently forgot that IF TOMURA TOUCHES HIM THAT IS VERY BAD, and so he stupidly let Tomura touch him and Tomura was all “GAME, SET.” Fortunately for Deku, his quirk plays by its own rules, and so the chapter ended with us cutting to the METAPHYSICAL OFA/AFO PARANORMAL DREAMSCAPE OF MYSTICAL BULLSHIT, where AFO!Vestige was all “lol Tomura y u mad”, and Nana!Vestige was all “SUP DEKU, YOU’RE JUST IN TIME, LOOKS LIKE IT’S ASSKICKING O’CLOCK.” I’m paraphrasing a bit, but that’s more or less the gist of it.

Today on BnHA: AFO is all “well if it isn’t Tomura’s grandmother who I murdered that one time”, and Deku is all “?”, and AFO is all “fucking vestiges, man, wild”, and Deku is all “??”, and AFO is all “ANYWAYS GETTIM TOMURA”, and OFA is all “NOT SO FAST”, and Deku is all “???”, and really, same. AFO then goes off on some wild tangent about how Deku is unworthy because he couldn’t protect everyone and needed help from OFA and got mad about his friends being stabbed, which is such a cold take it gave me hypothermia, but it ends up not mattering since Deku and Tomura both wake up seconds later with OFA still in the possession of its rightful owner, HOW ABOUT THAT. The chapter ends with the LoV approaching on Gigantomachia’s back with Dabi practically salivating at the mouth, and Toga trying to reignite an old fandom blood feud. Toga why would you do this to me. Toga.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

[CROWD LOSING THEIR MINDS] FINALLY THE NANA HAS COME BACK TO BNHA!! IF YA SMELLLLL WHAT THE NANA IS COOKIN!!!!! [RINGSIDE BELL CHIMING WILDLY] [LOUD AIRHORN NOISES]

“chapter 287: mistake” omg. yeah I’ll say you made a mistake, AFO. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THESE FLEETING LAST MOMENTS OF YOUR SHITTY EVIL LIFE

(ETA: so in all seriousness this must be referring to AFO’s belief that All Might/OFA made a mistake in choosing Deku, right? “I can’t believe you went and chose this shounen manga protagonist as your champion, what were you thinking.” I’ll just put this out there: however many comic books AFO read as a child, it clearly was not enough.)

wow Deku how slow are you

yes you’re inside OFA you dimbulb, did you think your clothes suddenly vanished out of the blue and the ghost of Nana just randomly appeared in the real world by some freak coincidence?? can you believe this kid. breaks his arms a measly 10-15 times in a row and all of a sudden he can’t think straight, get it together Deku

but also brb having a moment at the fact that his thoughts immediately run back to Kacchan, even with all of this nonsense going on and Nana about to lay the beatdown on AFO’s potato-lookin’ ass. forget that noise, all he wants to know is whether or not Kacchan is all right. fuckin’ geez. AM I OVERREACTING HERE A BIT. probably

(ETA: ALSO!! the way he just trails off!! “Kacchan is...” and then he can’t bring himself to complete the thought. oh my god my heart.)

HOLY SHIT

okay,

damn but this man sure knows how to ruffle my feathers. as eminently detestable as ever!!

could it be any clearer here that AFO is not on Tomura’s side?? for a moment I thought he had actually grabbed him by the back of the head in order to get him to look. but nope, he’s just resting his pointing hand on top of his head instead while he’s all “HEY TOMURA LOL IT’S THE GHOST OF YOUR DEAD PATHETIC GRANDMA”

for those keeping track at home, this would be the first time that Deku has heard this information -- that Tomura is Nana’s grandson -- and possibly the first time Vestige!Nana has heard it as well. Nana died when Kotarou was still a child, so for all we know the Vestige!Nana didn’t even know she had a grandson, lol. TODAY ON “MAKESTE RANTS AT LENGTH ABOUT THINGS THAT WILL PROBABLY BE ADDRESSED WITHIN THE NEXT THREE PANELS”, anyway moving on

lmao for the record I fucking LOLed at this giant question mark immediately bubbling up over Deku’s head

no idea what AFO is about to ramble on about now, haven’t read that far yet. but let the record show that Deku’s immediate reaction to hearing “BTW NANA IS YOUR ARCHNEMESIS’S GRANDMA LULZ” is everything I could have hoped for

(ETA: fandom nailed the shit out of this one with the confused Mr. Krabs meme lmao.)

okay so now AFO is monologuing at length about how he would sometimes have “riveting dreams” about the previous owners of all the quirks he stole. but once he gave the quirks away they stopped bothering him?? holy moly let me just take all the notes

okay so he’s saying that Vestiges are created whenever someone has their quirk stolen by AFO. but if they then disappear when he gives the quirks away, does that also mean that whoever receives the quirks also gets the original owner’s Vestige bundled in every time?? that would be wild okay hold up let me read the rest of this

so he’s saying that the Vestiges are actually the “consciousnesses” of the original quirk owners, which have become embedded in their dna or something. SOUNDS INCREDIBLY DUBIOUS TO ME LOL but on the other hand this is a world where children can be born with airplane heads, so my disbelief can hardly afford to pick and choose what it’s gonna be suspended at! anyways though, how does he know he’s the only one who was able to converse with them? did you conduct detailed six-month follow-up interviews with everyone you gave quirks to or what

and if it really is the case that this ability was formerly exclusive to him, isn’t that more evidence than ever that OFA and AFO are actually THE EXACT SAME QUIRK oh whoops am I getting ahead of myself again, sorry

MEANWHILE TOMURA IS ALL, “GRANDMA?”

“WHY AM I HERE, WELL LET ME TELL YOU A STORY, GRANDSON. YOU SEE THAT MAN GROWING OUT OF YOUR RIBCAGE THERE? WELL IT’S JUST THE FUNNIEST THING, ACTUALLY”

WAIT SO IS HE SAYING THEY’RE SOULS OR NOT??

this makes it sound like they won’t ever get to rest, which sure sounds like a soul thing to me. well whatever, soul, consciousness, I guess it’s just semantics at the end of the day

anyways though, so this asshole is finally done talking (I’m sure that won’t last), so now we can finally have the heartwarming reunion we’ve all been waiting for

sigh

-- actually, no, not “sigh”!! you know what!! because Tomura says “whatever the reason”, but that’s only because he doesn’t actually have a fucking clue about the reason. like, I don’t know if the knowledge that AFO killed Nana would be enough to give him pause, but if he knew the whole story and knew that AFO was behind not only Nana’s death, but the rest of his family’s deaths as well... now that would be a whole different thing

anyway. but at least it’s becoming clearer now why AFO spent all that time raising Tomura up as his heir and brainwashing him even though he seems to have been planning this body takeover the whole time. it’s all because he loves making people miserable! yaaaaay

btw HAS NANA HAD THE EXACT SAME MOLE ON HER CHIN AS TOMURA THIS ENTIRE TIME WTF. am I just the least observant person who ever lived lmao

lol wtf

ground: [randomly starts exploding]

Deku: “ONE FOR ALL IS BEING ERODED!!!” LOL IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE, OKAY THEN. I’ll take your word for it

y’all I cannot fucking get over this “AFO growing out of Tomura’s hip socket like a fucked-up ventriloquist dummy” shit though

you do realize that absolutely no one can take you seriously right now, right?? it’s important to me that you know this

WHAT’S THIS NOW

seems like SOMEONE has had it up to here with a certain SOMEONE ELSE’S bullshit lmaooo bye Felicia

I SAID GOOD DAY!!

you guys why is he not dying!!

-- OH DAMN

love how Deku is just lying there like “YOU KNOW THOSE DAYS WHERE YOU’RE LIKE, THIS MIGHT AS WELL HAPPEN.” poor Deku

(ETA: where in god’s name is OFA Prime standing. why are my thoughts fully consumed by this lmao.)

are Nana and OFA Prime even doing anything?? why are they sticking their arms out like that. wait hold up is this all a big metaphor for the back-and-forth going on between Tomura trying to steal OFA and OFA being all “actually no you can’t, please enter your password and click on all the boxes with bicycles in them to prove you’re a human first”?

OH SNAP OFA PRIME SAID NO THANKS

“SORRY BRO WE’VE ALREADY MADE OURSELVES AT HOME HERE”

I have only just noticed that metaphysical!Deku has the same scars as actual!Deku. and yet his arms are not currently broken! that doesn’t really seem consistent to me but whatever!! maybe he saved right before the boss battle, that would be smart of him

anyway, that’s great and all that OFA Prime is here helping out, but I really wanted to see Nana fight AFO in a one on one though so I’m a bit disappointed. also why is it only the two of them?? where are Banjou and the others. of all the times to be sleeping on the job

FOR FUCK’S SAKE, THIS MAN

WOULD YOU STOP. WOULD YOU JUST QUIT IT ALREADY

oh shit hold up

doesn’t this confirm that the reason he wanted to transfer his power to Tomura is because he believed it would make him strong enough to finally take OFA because of Quirk Singularity? jesus christ. and here he was so sure of himself. but it turns out he doesn’t actually know shit! you can’t just fucking take OFA like that ya dingdong that’s not how it works

(ETA: SO, A THOUGHT -- is there any sort of subtle hinting here in the way that he words this? “if your strength is combined with mine”, as opposed to “if my strength is combined with yours”? no idea if the admittedly-so-small-as-to-be-almost-inconsequential distinction between those two sentences exists in the original Japanese or not, but I find it very interesting that the English wording implies that he’s the one adding Tomura’s strength to his own, rather than vice versa.)

now he’s insulting Deku!!

excuse me sir WHO ASKED YOU anyway. and never mind that being consumed by an, AND I QUOTE, “unquenchable” rage is your protege’s whole THING, and that he also needed your help to avoid being burned to a crisp a short while ago. where do you get off I swear

(ETA: also just want to point out that in the panel before this one he says that he’s been “watching through Tomura”, which pretty much confirms that his consciousness or whatever is alive inside of him all the time. Tomura is definitely not getting rid of this guy any time soon.)

WOW

first he calls Kacchan useless, then he calls Deku a simpleton, and don’t even get me started with Nana. just, you guys. this man is just... a very, very rude man

NOW OFA IS ALL “THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT MAKES HIM SUCH A GOOD PROTAGNIST YOU BUTTMUNCH” AND OMG PREACH

“DESPITE HIS COMMON SENSE” sdfkllk my man he already has one brother roasting him, take it easy guy

AHH WHAT

IS THIS BACK IN THE REAL WORLD

YEP

hahaha nice try Tomura

so Deku’s all “I didn’t lose my power! BUT” and I assume the “but” is the part where his arms are still broken and shit, and meanwhile Tomura’s body is almost healed up now finally

they’re both wiped out and now AFO is again petitioning Tomura to let him take over goddammit

“you won’t lose your mind” yep, he sure won’t! scout’s honor!! pinky swear!!

meanwhile Deku is getting fucking desperate flkjl;k my baby. and Machia is going to show up any second now too, probably. what else can fucking go wrong at this point

oh shit I shouldn’t have asked

get ready to rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuumble, probably

OH MY GOD

WELL AT LEAST SOMEONE HERE IS HAVING A GOOD TIME. jesus

so as soon as he heard Endeavor was there he got all, “TIME FOR THE BIG REVEAL”, is that right? WELL JOKE’S ON YOU TOUYA, YOUR DAD DOESN’T SEEM ALL THAT CONSCIOUS AT THE MOMENT, SO THAT’S GOING TO DRAIN A LOT OF THE TENSION FROM THE SCENE WHEN YOU GO ALL REVERSE DARTH VADER ON HIM AND HE’S ALL “ZZZZZZZZ”

meanwhile Toga is having unsettlingly quiet angst

jesus christ Toga this is all we need right now

“WAS JIN-KUN NOT A PERSON” sdkfjlk Horikoshi I swear. please have mercy on this fandom. this is the debate that refuses to die!!

but seriously ffs, the issue isn’t that Jin deserved to die, it’s that the countless people whom Jin would have either directly or indirectly killed didn’t deserve to die either. people don’t only become people when you attach names and faces to them! we all loved Jin because we’d gotten to know him, but that doesn’t mean his life was inherently worth more than the lives of all the people he would have killed. sometimes there’s just no good answer

like, it’s just crazy to me that because the heroes are all “we want to protect everyone!” but then aren’t always able to do so because that’s literally impossible, whereas the villains are all “we don’t care about anyone other than the select few people that we actually like!”, the villains somehow wind up getting the better PR. it just so happens that it’s infinitely easier to be loyal to the interests of a few people as opposed to ALL THE PEOPLE. like, no shit, it’s easier to stick to your moral code when you barely have a moral code. and so the villains can kill thousands and no one bats an eye, but if a hero fails to save even one person they’re hypocritical moral failures. like what the hell

BUT ANYWAY, sorry to go off on a tangent there lol, it’s not really a big deal. I’m just preemptively trying to stave off more discourse about it lol but who am I even kidding

anyways lol, but of course they won’t kill you unless they have no choice, Toga. but when it comes to catch-22 situations, it’s a bit much to infer that the heroes don’t consider the villains people just because they opt for the choice that spares more innocent lives. I sure as hell don’t want my babies out here killing people, but to say that they can’t no matter what or else they’re no different from the villains is just...

anyway so the chapter has now just ENDED, just like that!! on a shot of Ochako’s face!

I SENSE ANOTHER THROWDOWN COMING. and it had better not be a total letdown like the last one! NANA BARELY DID ANYTHING HORIKOSHI, WHAT THE FUCK. I started out with such high hopes lol

but I will settle for Toga VS Ochako, and Deku VS Tomura: The Sequel: Shouto’s Revenge! SPEAKING OF HEROES WHO HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT MURDERING PEOPLE lmao

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Children’s Day 2021 E-mails and Moments

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for content yet to be released in EN 🍒

[ GAVIN ]

Title: Old-school Snacks

There’s a newly opened shop selling old-school snacks. I wonder if they have your favourites from childhood. Want to have a look together?

-

Gavin’s Post: Those colourful jellybeans from childhood have recently become trendy again. But they don’t seem to have that taste from childhood. 

MC: From the lenses of childhood, it seems that flowers are especially fragrant, and candy especially sweet.

Gavin: Maybe it’s because of nostalgia.

-

Gavin’s Post: Those colourful jellybeans from childhood have recently become trendy again. But they don’t seem to have that taste from childhood.

MC: I’ll leave those jellybeans to my childhood self. Now, I have even more delicious chocolates!

Gavin: The brand you like has released a new product for Children’s Day. I’ve already bought it.

-

Gavin’s Post: Those colourful jellybeans from childhood have recently become trendy again. But they don’t seem to have that taste from childhood.

MC: Maybe it’s because we’ve already eaten too many things, and our tastes have changed too.

Gavin: But some feelings remain consistent from beginning to end.

[ KIRO ]

Title: Challenging Fears

When I was young, haunted houses scared me the most. Are you willing to accompany me, who has turned strong after growing up, in challenging it once?

-

Kiro’s Post: Could a larger serving of the kid’s meal be released on Children’s Day to satisfy us big kids?

MC: If there’s a larger serving of the kid’s meal, would you then want a large kid’s playground?

Kiro: That’s correct! I can’t fit on the small slide, and my heart aches!

-

Kiro’s Post: Could a larger serving of the kid’s meal be released on Children’s Day to satisfy us big kids?

MC: Actually, you could get two servings if one isn’t enough.

Kiro: Good idea. Let’s order one of every set meal and eat them together!

-

Kiro’s Post: Could a large serving of the kid’s meal be released on Children’s Day to satisfy us big kids?

MC: You can’t do that, dear one. Just because you’re Kid-ro doesn’t mean you’re really three years old.

Kiro: ?? You’ve given me another strange nickname?

[Note] Kiro’s name in CN is 周棋洛 (Zhou Qi Luo), but what MC calls Kiro here is 周三岁 (Zhou San Sui), where 三岁 means “three years old”. I replaced this with “Kid-ro” and I’m very proud of it LOL

[ LUCIEN ]

Title: Maintain a Childish Heart

There’s no need to worry about the world wearing down your curiosity and passion. By my side, you can maintain that childish heart forever.

-

Lucien’s Post: When you own the first toy that you don’t want others to have, it means that you have a sense of monopolisation.

MC: This reminds me of how I used to get into fights with the kid from next door when I was young.

Lucien: Having the courage to protect the thing you treasure since young shows that you’re a very strong person.

-

Lucien’s Post: When you own the first toy that you don’t want others to have, it means that you have a sense of monopolisation.

MC: I was pretty okay with toys. Since young, I’ve only been unwilling to give my food up to others!

Lucien: I seem to be an exception to this principle of yours?

-

Lucien’s Post: When you own the first toy that you don’t want others to have, it means that you have a sense of monopolisation.

MC: Does Professor Lucien have something he won’t give to others?

Lucien: When it comes to things I care about, my possessiveness might reach a stage that would leave you shocked.

[ SHAW ]

Title: Kindergarten Overlord Boss

I was once an all-powerful overlord in kindergarten. No matter what, you should call me “Boss” today.

-

Shaw’s Post: Collecting cards seems to be something everyone likes doing in their childhood.

MC: I’m just surprised that we actually had the same hobby when young.

Shaw: Want to compete in quantity with me? I have the entire collection.

-

Shaw’s Post: Collecting cards seems to be something everyone likes doing in their childhood.

MC: I didn’t expect to discover so many interesting things just by tidying your cabinet with you.

Shaw: Are you treating tidying of the cabinet as an exploration? 

-

Shaw’s Post: Collecting cards seems to be something everyone likes doing in their childhood.

MC: You have such a complete collection - it’s basically my childhood dream!

Shaw: If you tell me a few embarrassing things that happened in your childhood, I’d consider giving them all to you.

[ VICTOR ]

Title: The Right to Play Without Restraint

You will always have the right to have unbridled and silly fun. Not just today.

Victor’s Post: Seeing how a certain person looks when she’s rushing out reports, I can imagine the scene before every vacation ended during her childhood.

MC: It’s too difficult for me! I request for a “lighter burden”!

Victor: From my understanding, a “lighter burden” and “school renovations” typically happen in the year after you graduate.

[Note] I think what Victor means by “school renovations” (学校翻新) is when lazy students realise they have to work harder and “renovate” themselves to become more studious!

-

Victor’s Post: Seeing how a certain person looks when she’s rushing out reports, I can imagine the scene before every vacation ended during her childhood.

MC: Other kids are celebrating Children’s Day while I’m living in misery!

Victor: You can celebrate it once you’re done writing.

-

Victor’s Post: Seeing how a certain person looks when she’s rushing out reports, I can imagine the scene before every vacation ended during her childhood.

MC: Hmph. Back then, many people kept me company while we rushed to do homework!

Victor: Aren’t I keeping you company while you “rush your homework”?

[waveypedia]

New Days

Rymin Week Day 4: Off the Train

1 2 5 6 7

Ao3

~

Contrary to popular belief (his parents), Min-Gi is not a morning person.

He’d trained himself into getting up and going to bed early, first at his parents’ insistence, then as a necessary skill for all the classes he was taking in high school (Gotta make that college application shine!). Yet given the choice, he would happily stay up all night and wake up extremely late.

On the train, all of Min’s obligations and restrictions suddenly vanished. Although his schedule was primarily dictated by not dying, which led him to sleep and wake up at odd hours (and telling time on the train is a complicated task anyways), he started sleeping in later and later. Now that he’s off the train, and most of his days consist of driving, songwriting, and practicing, he’s free to wake up as late as he wishes.

It’s why he finds himself slowly slipping into the world of wakefulness one unassuming Thursday morning. The van is already moving, as per usual - Ryan doesn’t mind the quiet mornings as Min sleeps away. Golden rays of sunlight peak through the van’s windows.

In the driver’s seat, Ryan is spotlighted in one. The sun’s brilliant hues turn his brown hair into shades of tree bark and make his soft skin glow. He’s beautiful.

Ryan is a morning person, in contrast to Min, but he would very much like to be a night person. They’ve spent ages lamenting the fateful injustice. Unlike Min, who used to force himself to go to bed early even if it meant lying awake in the dark for hours, Ryan chooses to just run on little sleep. He’d go out and party and/or perform all night, crash for a few hours, and wake up at his usual time.

He’s been getting better, though. Just like Min, they’ve both been making bounds of progress now that they’re off the train and free from restrictions. Every time Ryan goes to bed at a decent hour, it eases the worry in Min’s heart.

They’re both doing so much better now. Min never thought he’d be grateful for getting spontaneously kidnapped by a magical death train, but he and Ryan are so much happier now than they’d ever thought they’d be.

Ryan glances over, smiling fondly. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

It’s a running joke between them, one that started way back on the train with Kez, but Min’s heart never fails to make a little jump whenever Ryan calls him beauty.

“Morning,” Min replies, stretching. He digs around in a bag at his feet. “Did you move the songbook?”

“Yeah, I was working on it earlier,” Ryan says. He jerks a thumb behind him without taking his eyes off the road. “I left some new lyrics and chords for you to look over.”

Min smiles. “Thanks.” Following Ryan’s directions, he grabs the songbook, a blue pencil, and his coveted mini-synth. Items in hand, he carefully slips into the passenger’s seat and buckles up.

Ryan shoots him a quick grin and turns his music off so Min can write.

For the next few hours, they stay as they are - Ryan keeps them on track to their next gig, while Min tackles the lines Ryan wrote earlier. It was a bit of a learning curve, figuring out how to write songs together, when they first started out. Ryan only knew chords and tablature, while Min only knew notated music from his viola days. Now, though, a couple months into their journey, they’ve worked out a good system. Whoever comes up with lyrics or a melody first (usually lyrics, and usually Ryan) will pen it along with any chords or notes they can think of. The other will look it over, edit it, and add the missing element. It usually makes for a solid first draft.

Min twirls the pencil in his hand. Blue. His favorite color. Ryan usually writes in a red pencil, from a set of colored pencils he stole from his younger brother before leaving. It makes contributions easy to distinguish when writing and editing.

Every so often, while Min looks over Ryan’s ideas, he’ll pull out his mini-synth and tap out a melody. Both of them find it easier to create melodies with an instrument in hand. Min may not play his mini-synth on stage like Ryan plays his guitar, but it still makes him happy to play it regularly. Not as a toy, not as something he has to hide from his boss and his parents, but as a genuine instrument.

As he writes and plays, Ryan listens. He keeps his attention on the road and map, but chimes in every so often with little affirmations and suggestions.

“Is that a D?” Ryan muses. “Under a G?”

Min thumbs the corner of the page. “Yeah, I think it sounds cool. Thoughts?”

Ryan graces him with a patented Ryan Akagi grin, all teeth. “I like it! I’ll look it over when you drive.” Ryan squeezes his fists on the steering wheel. “I’m really glad we’re working together, Min. This is way better than anything I’ve written solo.”

Min ducks his head, cheeks flushing. “Oh- Uh- I like writing with you too,” he replies. “

--

In the afternoon, they pull over and Min takes the wheel. Sometimes at this time they stop for food - they’ve made it their mission to catalogue all the small restaurants across Canada and America on the way to New York for future reference. But today Ryan got a late start on driving because he was songwriting (“Inspiration strikes when it strikes, Min! Who am I to deny my muses?” Never mind that Ryan is uncharacteristically close-lipped about what/who said muses even are), so they eat separately in the car. They step out to stretch for a minute, and Min hands over the songbook and food. Then they’re off again.

Ryan makes a few more edits with his red pencil, but they always collaborate on the second pass. At both of their insistence, they have to wait until one of them isn’t driving to truly discuss it. Min thought he might have to put his foot down on this, but Ryan was insistent - he’s an experienced driver and knows far to well just how dangerous and difficult driving is.

The afternoon passes without much fanfare. Min keeps his eyes on the road while Ryan edits and eventually breaks out his guitar. The highway is long, flat, and unassuming. Few other cars pass them.

It’s for that exact reason Ryan gets an idea that is both brilliant and stupid.

“Min. Min. Minminminminminmi-”

“What.” A feeling of dread washes over Min before the words are even out of Ryan’s mouth.

Ryan grins toothily at him. “I’m gonna stick my head out the window.”

Min chokes on air., surprised. “Wh- Ryan. Why would you want to do that? Didn’t you have enough thrills on the death train?”

“Eh,” Ryan says, shrugging. “I’ve always wanted to do it, but i couldn’t exactly do it while driving when I was touring alone. Besides, my parents would never let me.”

“For good reason,” Min grumbles, but in his gut he knows Ryan’s already won.

Ryan frowns at him. “Look, I’m not stupid. I’ll be careful. I won’t lean so far out of the car that I’ll fall. I’ll come back in if there are more cars or it looks like I might hit something.”

“Or if we start turning,” Min warns.

Ryan’s replying smile is blinding. “Does that mean it’s a yes from you?”

Min rolls his eyes. “Just try not to die. If I show up to the venue with only half the band, the manager won’t be happy with me.”

“Yes!” Ryan punches his fist in the air and dances triumphantly - or, he dances as much as one can while sitting in the seat of a moving van.

Ryan rolls down the window and sticks his head out. He’s crouching on the seat, half-standing, in order to fully fit through the window. His upper body is out of the car. His arms wave and flail, making his jacket sleeves flutter even more violently in the wind.

Min starts to shout a warning, to yell about safety precautions, to give into the panic in his heart and yell get down, but the words die in his throat the minute he lays eyes on Ryan’s face.

Ryan is joyful. Euphoric. Happy. He has always been a smiley person, but times where he is truly, unadulteredly happy are rarer than you’d think. Here, riding half-outside of the van while they drive to their fame and dreams, he seems truly free.

Min smiles. God, he loves that man.

Ryan glances back, the light reflecting off his glasses, and flashes Min an adrenaline-fueled grin and a shaky thumbs up. His ankles wobble a bit. Before Min realizes what he’s doing, he reaches out and grabs Ryan for support.

Ryan’s mouth drops open in a small ‘o’. Min moves to take his hand back, but before he can, Ryan twists and reaches back inside the car to grab Min’s wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

Min freezes.

Ryan is smiling, more bashful and careful now than before. He’s still happy, but… nervous? Anxious? 

Min’s heart flutters. He manages to smile back.

“I got you,” he says, although it comes out as a whisper.

“O-oh,” Ryan whispers. His eyes are wide and soft. “I… thank you, Min.”

Min ducks his head awkwardly. “You’re welcome.”

The rest of the drive is quiet. It’s not awkward, but it’s not as comfortable and natural as it usually would be.

Something has changed.

Min grips the wheel tighter and stares down the road, for a lack of real target. If looks could kill, the road would be up in flames. 

It’s… confusing. He’s not sure why a change in their dynamic is so upsetting and off-putting. He and Ryan have gone through so many changes over the years, and they’ve always been able to come back to themselves in the end.

Besides, it’s not like they had an argument. Or even a misunderstanding. All they did was hold onto each other to keep balance. Why does this feel so monumental?

Min chances a glance away from the road to look at Ryan. He’s curled up in the passenger seat (because Ryan seems incapable of sitting normally when he’s not driving) with his guitar. The songbook, flipped open to their latest draft, is balanced precariously on Ryan’s knee. He’s bent over to read it accurately, which must be difficult, especially in the dim light. But he seems to be managing. He’s humming softly to himself, almost too quiet for Min to catch it. As he’s focused on the road (no matter how much he wants to listen to Ryan’s ethereal yet natural and homey singing) the melody floats in and out of focus. Ryan is also plucking at his guitar, playing mostly individual notes instead of chords. It’s calming and comforting, not to mention beautiful. If Min weren’t driving, he might just fall right asleep. Even though he’s the one playing, Ryan seems drowsy as well, judging by the way he’s leaning against the back of the seat.

As they draw closer to their destination, Ryan seems to consciously shake himself into wakefulness. He sits up and puts the songbook away to focus fully on his guitar. As Min pulls off the highway and navigates the city streets, Ryan tunes his guitar and warms up. 

They run through a couple vocal exercises together, practicing harmonies and lyrics as well as warm-ups. Min is a bit shaky since he’s focused on the road, but he and Ryan know their songs by heart, and the warm-up does the job. He’s still a bit jittery as he pulls into the venue parking lot, but that’s normal. He hasn’t quite shaken his stage fright yet, but as long as he has Ryan at his side, he’s able to perform. More than that, he has fun performing.

Besides, Ryan confided in him a while back, before their first real show. “You’re not the only one with stage fright, Min,” he’d confessed. “Yeah, I love it, and the adrenaline basically cancels out the fear, but it’s still there. You just have to go for it.”

Min had felt comforted enough to perform with that, with the admission that even the seemingly-fearless Ryan Akagi, who’d always seemed more at home on a stage than at his actual home got stage fright. But then Ryan had hesitated, glanced down, and taken Min’s hand. Min’s heart had nearly stuttered to a stop in his chest. He almost missed what Ryan said next.

“Besides, it doesn’t matter if you get stage fright or not,” Ryan had said cheerfully, too cheerfully, although Min barely noticed. “All that really matters is if you enjoy what you’re doing. It’s more admirable to conquer your fear in order to chase your dreams than to not have fear.”

Min had smiled back, shaky but euphoric. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, not unlike how he felt onstage. “That’s very profound.”

Ryan had laughed and squeezed his hand. “Eh, I have a lot of experience. Listen to me, I’m the master!”

The mood subtly shifted with the joke, and suddenly they were laughing and Ryan let go of his hand and they were pushing the synthesizer on stage and it was all a blur from there until the curtain went down and Ryan was squealing and hugging him and picking him up and screaming We did it! You did it!

What a first show.

Min shakes himself back to reality and pulls into the venue parking lot. Ryan jumps out of the van before Min is fully parked, despite Min’s loud protests. He rolls his eyes and lets Ryan run ahead anyway.

While Ryan gets checked in with the manager, Min parks and unloads Barold and the rest of their equipment (which is pretty much just Barold now, since Ryan took his guitar with him in his haste). He heads inside, he and Ryan set up, and then they’re standing onstage behind a lowered curtain, waiting in darkness and silence for their cue.

Suddenly, Ryan turns around and flashes Min a thumbs-up and a bright smile. It’s more jerky and jittery than usual, probably because of the nerves and adrenaline. He seems a little more on edge today, though. 

“We’re gonna do great!” Ryan promises, grinning.

Min smiles back. “We’re gonna do rad,” he replies. The tension between them dissipates, and the curtain goes up. Ryan turns toward the crowd, beaming his particular I’m-on-stage-but-I’m-really-enjoying-myself smile, and greets them. The crowd goes wild.

Energy floods Min’s body, and he grins back at the crowd. Ryan counts them off, and they burst into their opening number with the power and passion it requires. The crowd screams, but Min can barely hear them over the music and Ryan’s voice.

He’s living. Far more than he ever was before.

They both are.

--

After the show is a blur of chatting with audience members, grabbing something to eat, and scheduling another show. By the time they head to the hotel, Min’s exhausted. But he dutifully puts all the equipment in their hotel room and locks up the van before he collapses into bed.

Ryan is already in their room when Min comes in. He’s sitting on the bed, facing away from the door, with his hands on his lap. Most striking is the absence of his guitar. Ryan may have been playing all day, but it’s rare for him to be without his instrument and yet so still like this.

Ryan, to his core, is always moving. Even when he’s not physically moving, he’s always singing, humming, thinking. Yet now, he sits in absolute stillness.

“Ryan?” Min whispers. His voice is quieter than he intended, but Ryan jumps at it all the same.

When he turns, he’s smiling disarmingly, but it’s too wide and shaky to be natural. Ryan may have convinced someone else with that expression, but Min knows him too well to be fooled.

Min strides into the room with three short steps, locking the door behind him. He stops in front of Ryan, so close their knees are almost brushing. Ryan blushes. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I- Nothing.” Ryan won’t meet his gaze.

Min scowls. “Come on, Ryan. Aren’t we past this? Didn’t the train teach us not to do all this not-talking crap?”

Ryan flinches. “I- Sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m just… thinking.”

“About what?” Min finally moves, stepping around Ryan to sit on the bed beside him. He takes care to keep his voice soft and gentle. He doesn’t want to scare Ryan again. Whatever’s going on seems to have him skittish all of a sudden.

Ryan bites his lip. “Min, I… you know I care about you, right?”

Min blinks, surprised. “Of course I do.” Hesitantly, he reaches out to take Ryan’s hand, running his thumb over Ryan’s knuckles. “I care about you too.”

Ryan blushes. His cheeks are nearly scarlet right now. Min’s a bit too tired to unpack that all on his own right now, but he knows it means something. It spurs him on, gives him a burst of courage and energy in the adrenaline crash phase after a show. “I’m glad we’re-” He’s about to say friends, but the word dies on his lips. Suddenly, it feels all wrong, but he can’t put his finger on why.

Slowly, Ryan turns to face him. His eyes are wide and anxious, his lips slightly parted, but there’s a set determination in him that shows in his face. He reaches out to take Min’s other hand, and… leans in closer.

Min finds himself leaning in simultaneously. Soon they’re close enough Min can feel Ryan’s breath on his lips. It’s hot in more ways than one.

Oh. Oh.

So that’s why today, Ryan’s hand on his wrist, the trusting and yet shocked expression of his, felt so weird and so right at the same time.

Their eyes meet. A silent exchange passes between them.

Do you want to do this?

Yes. Do you?

Yes.

If asked after, Min couldn’t say if he initiated it or if Ryan did.

All he knows is the gap between them is now nonexistent, and Ryan’s lips are on his, and suddenly it’s everything he’s ever wanted.

The kiss is slow. Hesitant. Exploring new territory, figuring out boundaries. But it’s not awkward.

No, they are Ryan and Min, Min and Ryan, Chicken Choice Judy, and they have come much too far to be awkward. They’ve been building towards this moment since they first met, even if they didn’t know it.

It feels like a found puzzle piece of himself Min didn’t even realize he was missing. Now, he is complete. Now, they are complete.

Now, they are both truly living their lives to the fullest.

~

this fic is just: *headcanon* *headcanon* *headcanon* *hea-

oh man i almost didn't finish this one in time. it's still the 12th here, though (by a couple hours!), so i'm good! it's hard to write a full one-shot every day, but i've already come farther than i thought i would! i told myself i would finish this today, and i did! i also told myself i would finish the week and my remaining prompts, and i will. :)

title is from new days by dreamcatcher. that's the second time i've used it as a title but the last one was for a zine fic so i can get away with using it here, lol. i really love that song, so that's why. the lyrics translation are absolutely nothing like this, but for some reason it gives off road trip vibes (at least to me), so it works really well for this particular piece!

okay confession time: i think this is the first kiss scene i've ever written lol. i was writing it and i was like "hey wait a minute i have no clue what i'm doing have i done this before??? i don't think so???" it didn't help that i didn't intend to write a kiss scene, but i got to the place where i'd intended to end it and it felt like the natural progression. i'm gonna go research good kiss writing after this. i would've done it while i was writing, but i didn't want to post this any later than i had to

i have a bunch of infinity train snippets and wips i wrote right after book 4 aired and my interest in the show peaked, and i really thought i had something that would fit well for off the train but i guess i didn't?? maybe i just daydreamed it and never actually penned it skfhksl. so i was kind of flying by the seat of my pants for this one. i think it's my favorite of rymin week so far though! it was also the most fun to write. i really love introspective pieces. ryan and min off the train, after their relationship is repaired, when they're in a much better place and truly happy with each other, is also my favorite time in their lives to explore. they're so much happier and healthier, and they can truly start to explore themselves and realize their dreams.

if you have a piano or something on hand you should play the d and g notes together. they sound heavenly. in choir two years ago we had that chord and i have never forgotten it because i love it so much.

if you ever wanna talk infinity train, writing, these amazing characters, or really anything hmu here on my tumblr or twitter! thank you for reading, and please leave a reblog/like/comment if you enjoyed it!

@ryminweek

[wxldchxld]

This started out as like, a light piece just to describe what Beck’s workspace looks like and I won’t lie I’m a little obsessed with it. People always ask me like how tf Harper and Beck get along and... this. It’s this. Harper turns into a big sappy baby who lives off of nothing but Loving Her Wife Juice.

I’ll probably go back and edit this a couple of times for typos and other things but I love it so much I just wanna post it rn. And I won’t be putting it under a cut so y’all will have to live with it.

Harper knocked, almost tentatively, on the open door. From outside she could smell the intoxicating aroma of fir trees and herbs, sweetened by dried apples and candied citrus, drawing the attention of any passersby and calling them in. But she lingered there, knocking a second time when she got no response. Somewhere an old record player was crackling as Judy Garland sang about far away places over a rainbow, and a warm voice was humming along with it. Harper gently ran her thumb over one of the embroidered silk foxes among flower petals embedded into the translucent curtain that covered the door. The fabric, a deep ocean blue, shuffled under her attention, and the little creatures looked as if they were dancing.

Even on the threshold of Beck’s workshop, the world felt so slow. Time didn’t abide by schedules and obligations. It flowed like a lazy river on the precipice of winter, slowly but surely crusting over with ice. If she stood still long enough, would it freeze entirely? Or would the warm glow that haloed her lover forever melt away the sharpest crystals and encourage it to move on?

She didn’t need to knock. She didn’t need permission to enter. Not only did she doubt Beck would care, but the building was hers. The city--in its own way--was hers. It was her nature to utterly and completely possess things---to take them into herself to keep. If someone asked, she’d likely have even said Beck was hers. 

But she had no claim over this place. It was a feeling that went far deeper than any deed or contract or organization. The magic here was so perfectly interwoven with it that it felt like it belonged to Beck.

Inside the room, there was a little tsk and a rich, quiet laugh. “What are you doing hanging out there like a bat? The door is open.” 

The door was always open. Beck still clung to the old superstitions of their people. Ancient rules about hospitality and ways witches ought to behave. Rules made in a time when their people had been valued and listened to, long before Christians had turned them into a target and Google had rendered them obsolete. But Beck claimed it wasn’t about people, it was about magic, and its strange laws that were shrouded in mystery. Magic, she said, liked to know its witches were always open and welcome to it. In return for a witch’s “proper” hospitality, magic would sweep away the bad luck that so often got caught behind closed doors. And--again according to Beck--spirits were much the same, and closing the door on them might cause otherwise benign entities to turn dark with anger.

But Harper had been raised by much less traditional witches. One specifically that would have worn her back end raw with a wooden spoon for letting the heat escape and airing their business out in front of their neighbors. 

She pushed the curtain aside and stepped into the room, leaving any lingering thoughts of her mother laid on the doorstep with the rest of her worries.

The apartment was an explosion of barely organized chaos. Dried herbs and flowers hung from the ceiling or were pressed between the thick, heavy pages of spellbooks laying on the shelves beside jars stuffed with candied fruits and tea leaves. Knitwork and embroidery and tapestries and clothing in all states of completion were laid out on tables or hung up from the wall. Live plants in brightly colored pots lounged in the sunlight that poured in from the huge windows on the far side of the wall. There was a collection of open-faced cabinets filled with canisters of wood and glass and stone that sat in clusters with no apparent system of coordination. Above her the high ceilings had been turned into an aerial playground of wooden bridges, little boxes, and plush cushions either nailed into the wall or floating in midair among the drying plants where her most cantankerous familiar could sit and look down on the apartment like a goddess. A fire roared energetically to her right, and to her left there was a small kitchen where an enormous pot of sliced apples was being attended by an enchanted spoon.

It was nothing like the penthouse they shared when Harper left her work to come home. But oddly enough Beck’s workshop didn’t feel cramped or chaotic. It was warm. It was inviting. Everything melted together on the merit that no two things were remotely related to one another in any sensible way. A way that suggested every single item had been purposefully hand picked or handmade by the master of the domain and placed precisely where they were meant to be. 

And there she sat, behind it all, nestled among the plants in front of a wall of windows. Her feet were curled up in the plush, gliding rocker beside her, and she was smiling up at her through a halo of sunlight. In this place she was a queen, and her crown was made of braids entangled with wildflowers and encrusted with knitting needles and crochet hooks that she had stuck away for safekeeping and promptly forgotten about. She was holding a little stuffed creature in one hand, and pulling a needle and thread in the other.

Beck always seemed fondly amused by the slow, reverent way Harper entered her domain. Their eyes met for a few gentle seconds, and then Beck looked to her right, where something shimmering and half formed in the sunlight began to move. Harper tried to focus on the spirit, but it collapsed in on itself and turned into a yellow moth as big as her hand, and lazily fluttered into the shadow of a flower by the window.

“That doesn’t unnerve you?” Harper asked, taking a seat in an armchair across from her girlfriend.

Again the blonde let out a breezy laugh that harmonized with the music in the background.

“You spend half your nights in an enchanted necropolis in some undisclosed abyss with only dead people and a renegade faerie for company, and an air spirit unnerves you.” She said, a playful perk in her brow. 

Harper scoffed in feigned offense. “Dead things don’t think. They don’t watch me. I don’t like to be watched.”

“What a shame. You’re quite the sight to look at.” 

Now Harper laughed, a rare, genuine chuckle of amusement. She wasn’t modest by any means, but Beck’s flattery could still make her heart race and her stomach fill with butterflies. As if it were the first time, even though compliments fell from Beck like droplets of rain in a spring shower.

“Well it’s a privilege. And it’s only bestowed on people I think highly of.”

Beck snorted soundlessly. “I can’t imagine there are many of those.”

“Only one, currently. And I’d let her do anything she pleased.” Harper replied. There was a small, suggestive grin on her lips, and a devilish twinkle in her eye.

“Oh?” Both of Beck’s brows raised and the hand holding her needle pressed against her heart as if she were shocked. “Then I guess I have someone to be jealous of, because you certainly don’t let me do whatever I want.”

Again she laughed, and Beck joined in with her. Harper rolled her eyes, her quick tongue failing her, and said lightly. “Shut up.” 

“See?! There it is right there. Always bossing me around.” The little witch clicked her tongue in fake disapproval. 

“Anything you want to me.” Harper corrected, still grinning so wide that it hurt her cheeks. “The fact that I don’t let you wreak havoc all across the tristate area is not the same.”

Beck held up both her hands in surrender. “Hey, you say potato, I say tomato.”

“That’s-” Harper halted her correction when she saw the look on Beck’s face that suggested her point was about to be proven perfectly. “Absolutely right.”

It was Beck’s turn to roll her eyes, and then she returned her attention to the project in her hands. Harper leaned forward just a little to try and catch a subtle glimpse, and without a word from the necromancer, Beck raised up the stuffed animal to show.

“Essi has decided that she’s infatuated with snails.” She said, shaking her head. 

Esteri was a frequent visitor in their home. Harper could remember when she was born how Beck had practically lived at Frankie’s house and brought the infant home with her when her friend needed rest. Midori and Jari had done just the same, and the door to her penthouse had practically revolved for months as the gaggle of friends came and went. Essi had just turned three a short while ago, and she’d grown into a wild-eyed, challenging little girl. Consequently, one of Beck’s favorite hobbies consisted of indulging her every whim and encouraging her to be as difficult as possible. If that meant making a snail to feed her newest fancy, Harper knew that “Aunty Beck” was more than happy to provide. 

“It’s not surprising, between you and Dori I don’t know who lets her play in the dirt more.”

“We play in the garden.” Beck corrected.

Harper refused to give ground. “Gardens are mostly dirt.” 

“It’s important for witches to know how to plant and grow.” Her playful tone had gotten a little more serious. Not angry, but carrying a thread of absolute belief. “You could use a bit more time in the garden. And the sun for that matter.”

“Alas my love,” She sighed dramatically, “I am a creature of the night.”

Something soft bounced off her nose and fell into her lap. It was the snail. It’s stupid, smiling face laughing up at her.

“Are you throwing things at me now?” She teased, “Do you really want to start this with me?”

“You’re the one who said I could do whatever I wanted to you.” Beck wasn’t even bothering to contain her wolfish grin.

“You. Not this creature you’ve created. I can’t take an attack like this sitting down. I have a reputation to uphold.” She stood up, stuffed animal clenched in her hand, and slowly walked toward the fire place.

“Don’t you dare!” Beck squealed. They both knew it was an empty threat, that Harper would never disrespect the woman she loved so brazenly, but Beck threw the blankets off her lap and scrambled to her feet in a flash. Harper held the stuffed creature high above her head as Beck latched onto her. 

There was a flush of heat that certainly didn’t come from any fire as their bodies pressed together. Beck was all soft curves over surprisingly strong muscles and blue eyes that glittered in the flames.

“Give me that back!” She demanded, trying to sound stern and reaching hopelessly for the toy. The pair stumbled and fell against a wall. When it shook a cascade of lavender petals and thyme leaves peppered them like confetti.

The necromancer curled one of her legs behind her lover’s and held up the animal higher. “I never knew you had this kind of rage inside of you. You know maybe you should go to therapy.”

“I never knew you were so annoyi-OH” Harper swept them both to the side, and Beck only managed to stay upright because she was being held against her so tightly. The little witch huffed, her cheeks flushing. “Oh I’m going to knock you over the side of the head so hard it smarts for a month!”

“See! There it is again! That rage!” Harper teased, merciless. A little childish, even. “Beck it’s me! Please, remember you loved me once.”

“You’re too rotten for loving. You give me that toy right now!”

Harper was shaking with laughter, her free hand wrapped around Beck’s waist as she strained. Beck was laughing too, intermittently. Every few seconds her angry façade would break just long enough for a smile and a chuckle that made her quiver against her.

“Why are you so godsdamned tall?! Was your mother a giant?” Beck’s hand had a hold on her wrist and her nails were just barely scratching the skin that ignited a dangerous excitement in Harper.

“A troll, actually. It’s a wonder I turned out so pretty.” Harper carefully guided them through the room backing them into the perfect position. When her hand was at just the right height, she felt the toy roughly ripped away from her, and the enormous black feline leaped over the both of them with it in her mouth, and (likely sensing what was about to happen) ran out into the hall. 

"They say the devil has a pretty face---and Angrboda you’re giving that back!” The smaller witch tried to twist to look at her familiar, but Harper had pulled her tight against her body. Now with her other hand free she tilted up her lover’s chin and kissed her softly, the both of them still intermittently giggling.

They turned again, fingers tangled in one another’s hair, lips locked, the air between them dissolving until her lungs burned but still neither of them pulled away. Not until Harper had backed the witch up to the armchair. She gave her lover a rough push and watched her fall back into the seat, panting and grinning in delight. 

She placed a knee on either side of Beck and trapped her against the cushions, reveling in the way she shivered. Her head stooped to whisper in the little witch’s ear. “And what would you let the devil do to you?”

Beck's hands were tightly gripping her hips, trying to pull her even closer. She smelled like apples and wildflowers and everything Harper loved in the world. She was everything Harper loved in the world. Perhaps even the only thing she loved in the world of the living.

“I’d let her do anything she wants.” Beck said beneath her, and the record came to a scratchy stop, and all Harper could hear was the crackle of the fire and the door slamming shut behind them.

[lemon-trap]

Nicky Valentino’s Ultimate Master List!

Due to it being very fricking hard to find Nicky fanfic, I have decided that it would be easier if all of his fanfics were put into one master list!

Please enjoy what many people have worked on and please like, reblog, and maybe comment on your favorite fics!

(Also check in on my pinned post to make sure you have the most updated list)

🦝 @lemon-trap 🦝 (aka: me!)

Saved by a Kiss (gender not explicit for reader)

This is a short fluffy fanfic that has no other reason for existing except making your heart go soft.

Plot Twist Nicky Valentino is a Bottom (female MC) SMUT

The title says it all. If you want just straight porn with Nicky as a subby bottom then this is the fanfic for you!

☀︎ @bursvalentino ☀︎ (the oh so lovely)

Two Against the World | Nicky Valentino x Sabrina Belladonna (ongoing, female pronouns) - (writer is currently rewriting this series)

Charming Nicky Valentino and the alluring Sabrina Belladonna are two sides of the same coin with one thing in common: escapism. But, our stars seem to be entangled in their game of cat and mouse. Will they ever possibly make it out alive after their truth unfolds?

☾ @lunaspera ☾ (the ultimate queen to go to for spicy Nicky things *chef kiss*)

Surrealtà | Nicky Valentino x Heaven (Assassin!OC, ongoing, female pronouns) - prologue ,

All she wanted was to make the world a better place. Is it any good if you tear a piece of yourself every time you want to help someone out ? The more she gave, the more she lost. The more she ran, the more she got lost. She was willing to die for others and now someone else is willing to die for her. Afterall “No one really knows why they are alive until they know what they'd die for”.

Cheers to the mess (female MC) - part one ,

Nicky’s actions speak louder than his words and you are consistent about finding out what is causing him to do so. Does it have anything to do with the handsome stranger who is desperately flirting with you?

Strip Poker (female MC) - part one , part one SMUT

Nicky is a tease, but so are you. What will be the outcome of this game? Poker is usually played to win. Tonight winning doesn’t seem like a good idea, not if you want to become hot mess. The one who loses wins.

Bella Mia SMUT (female MC)

Nicky is a “gentleman” but does he have enough willpower to hold himself away while you are purring his name?

Sweet Nothings fluff

Your sleepy mood accompanied by hot cocoa, the sound of the rain, a pair of warm hands, tender kisses, and sweet nothings. So tell me now, my dear, what is love to you?

Hey kiddo! Nicky Valentino x Reader x Uncle!Ralph Della Rosa

Ralph seems to enjoy your company but a mini you? Brace yourself, uncle Ralphie is coming!

Hands on Fire SMUT

The saccharine melody of sleep sweeping him off of his feet. Slow dancing to the soft tune of a sonata, hand in hand, skin to skin. Could it get any more sweet ? Won’t you come a little closer and let Nicky have a taste of your love ?

You sadness

NSFW Alphabet

Dirty secret, Jack off, No

NSFW Alphabet

Yearning, Motivation, Cum, Aftercare

💖 @valentino-red 💖

Sinnerman | Nicky Valentino x Soledad Diaz (ongoing, female pronouns) - prologue , chapter one , chapter two ,

Nicky Valentino has seen a lot of women waltz into his speakeasy, but when a certain Soledad Diaz comes in from the future trying to escape her past, hearts are exchanged and the mafia boss starts to reevaluate what really matters to him.

🌻 @raggedy-dxctor 🌻 (there’s a lot here)

Gumusservi

Wonderland Upon a Hill

The World Was So Dull Without You

Alone

Hug

I’ll always choose you

Nicky Valentino With a Short S/o

Nicky and Miguel With An Easily Flustered S/o

Nicky Valentino with an s/o that has a tattoo

Ice Skating with Nicky Valentino Headcannons

Nicky Valentino with an S/o that has a amazing singing voice

Nicky Valentino + Fluff Alphabet

Nicky’s s/o comforting him after a nightmare

Nicky meeting is s/o’s supportive parents

Nicky’s s/o teaching how to use a phone

Nicky with a High School Crush

Detention with a troublemaker (high school au + modern day au)

Flowerboy (flower shop au + roles reversed)

Real Smooth Mr Valentino (fem reader) fluff

I’m A Goner ANGST

Bonus:

Scenarios/prompts for Nicky Valentino

Some ideas for you to use in your fics if you’re ever in need of a plot.

💗 @missusvalentino 💗 (their stuff needs more attention)

I just can’t get a enough of you (no specific gender)

Just a short fic that involves the MC adoring and appreciating Nicky. Lots of fluff.

I’m sorry. (female pronouns) Nicky’s POV

Nicky and MC have an arguement when she tells him she wants to be part of the Valentino family.

I’m not in the mood

Nicky is in the mood to do the do, but MC is being a tease.

“You still love me right?” Angst/fluff

Nicky and Y/n have a disagreement and Nicky decides to get back at the reader by flirting with another woman.

“Why on Earth would I ever think that?” (Chubby/overweight fem MC) Fluff/angst

Nicky and reader start to get a bit more intimate until reader starts pulling back because she feels like Nicky deserves better.

You’re All Over Me Today

💛 @velvetl1ght 💛

Nicky + OWNING a dog headcannons

Nicky headcannos because I’m in Love

Good Intentions | Nicky x Josie (ongoing, female pronouns) - chapter one ,

🦦 @millennial-pinks 🦦 (my personal favorite)

Cooking time! (male MC)

After a night out, Nicky and Shiloh enjoy some time in the kitchen.

Crisis of Confidence (male MC)

Shiloh feels a little bummed out. He’s just some guy and Nicky’s... Nicky.

I got it bad but it’s all good (male MC)

Shiloh and Nicky share a dance and some tender words.

Alone together SMUT (male MC)

Shiloh and Nicky have their first physical encounter.

Like Someone in Love SMUT (male MC)

A bath leads to a very sexual night.

Post chapter 14 (male MC)

☆ @themissingstar ☆

Nicky helps MC feel better after a depressive episode

Taking care of Nicky after he gets banged up

Soulmate AU were you wake up in your soulmate’s bed

Modern AU Nicky before he makes his money

🌼 @tutanwritesanddraws 🌼

Nicky Valentino with a short S/O

Nicky Valentino with a GenZ S/O

💐 @jadeee 💐

Winter Wonderland fluff

After confessing that you’ve never seen snow before, Nicky takes you out for a proper snow day: snowball fights, snow angels, the works!

Good Morning, Beautiful fluff

Nicky really is beautiful when he’s sleepi- oh wait, he’s awake.

Ti Amo Tanto fluff

Nicholas Valentino proclaims his love for you through Italian poetry.

I Do fluff

You are officially a part of the Valentino family and Nicky couldn’t be more happy.

Finding Home angst

Living in the 1920s with Nicky has been a dream but you can’t help but think about your old life.

Hot & Bothered lime

After teasing Nicky during a meeting, he puts you in your place and it leaves you hot and bothered.

———

I really doubt that this is all so if you have made fanfiction of Nicky Valentino then please privately message me.

Please reblog this so more people can find and use it!

Last updated: April 6, 2021

[aspire-to-the-light]

A quick life update:

So I'm a super-early-stage startup founder now or something, I guess.

I'm regularly working until 6am, I'm throwing my life savings at a huge career risk, I have no safety net if I fail, and there's a very solid chance my startup won't make it because statistically most don't. Yet somehow none of that matters.

These past few weeks have been the most relaxed, confident and fulfilled I've ever felt, ever. Somehow this is the best my mental health has been in years - by a mile. I feel confident in saying I've beaten depression and I don't think it will come back.

I don't struggle with anxiety anymore because there's no point in feeling anxious; rather than wallowing around being anxious I should just fix the problem that's causing me anxiety. Of course, it's easy to say that, but in the past I've never been able to just do it. I think the difference is that I feel totally in control of my outcomes now. I'll get anxious about writing a report for a boss because it doesn't matter how objectively good or correct the report is - I have to figure out how to please my boss' subjective standards, and I can never really 100% know how to do that. Running a startup? I just have to be correct. I just have to win. I don't have to please any boss. So I don't really sit around being anxious or miserable any more - I just figure out what winning would look like, because I get to define that now, and then I figure out how to win, and then I go try my best to do that. I know it's irrational to have a feeling of absolute control over the outcome, when startups involve a huge amount of luck - but I just feel like I'm in control. So it isn't scary, really, no matter how risky it is.

I'm not really struggling with executive function, either, because I understand exactly how all my tasks need to be executed. There's never that feeling of knowing that I need to write my English essay, but not really knowing how to get started or what the first steps should be. I defined every task on my todo list. I know what the steps are, because the steps are whatever I say they are. I don't always get everything done, because I'm juggling a huge amount and I'm still pretty disorganised, but that ADHD paralysed feeling of just wanting to sit there and scroll social media and not start any tasks - that feeling is gone. Working until 6am doesn't feel painful or difficult. It feels satisfyingly exhausting, like the endorphin high after a good exercise session.

I keep encountering things that feel like they might be really difficult, but then I get this immensely comforting sense of... the best way I can describe it is that scene in Moana where all her ancestors are right behind her. Like recently I had to make a very big scary decision, and I wanted to find an adult and ask for advice and then I realised (in a big holy shit moment) that I knew absolutely nobody qualified to tell me the answer. I am the adult now. Everyone else who works on this project needed me to tell them what to do. And that was almost terrifying... and then I realised I've read about this exact feeling. I've read people describe that feeling in books, at TED talks, on twitter - that "holy shit I am the adult" feeling is probably a universal startup founder feeling. Thinking about it now, I just get this sense that I'm walking down a road I know from stories, that others have walked before me, that I am incredibly lucky to have a roadmap to.

There are so many new challenges and they're exciting. I've never really interviewed people for roles before. I interviewed candidates for 6 different roles for most of last week. In the back of the mind I've been running this constant self-evaluation process trying to figure out what the key skills are for interviewing, how I should get better at it, where I could look for resources... And that's a good feeling, too. I feel like I'm learning. I feel so excited to get better at this. I am privileged to be able to choose people to surround myself with who will give me clear, valuable feedback so I can actually get stronger. I feel ready to tackle whatever new skill I need to learn next week.

I am only a few weeks or months in, depending on how you define it, but I already know I will not regret this. Even if I burn out my entire runway and get nowhere and achieve nothing with this startup, this will have been the best thing I've ever done for myself. This enables me to be my best self. This feels so much like my best self that I take joy and pride in almost everything I'm doing, even the mistakes I'm making because I absolutely treasure how much I'm actually learning from every mistake. I never learned this much in years in school.

I don't think this would have been possible without me getting care. I'm disabled and sometimes I struggle with feeding myself. I used to go entire days just lying in bed feeling too weak and hungry to even make myself a meal. I have a carer currently, who comes round for an hour or so in the mornings to make sure I eat breakfast. It turns out that was all I needed all along - I can make myself all the other meals so long as I've got that energy from consistently eating at least one meal. And that revolutionised everything about my life and I've gone from being unable to hold down a job at all, realistically unable work more than a couple hours in the day if I was lucky, to.... this. I don't know how much is the startup vs how much is the care, really, but I reckon that's worth sharing in case it helps break the stereotypes of disabled people who need care. I'm disabled, I need care, and I'm also founding a startup and working sixteen hour days. I could not work these hours on anything else. My last job was an incredibly good job by the standards of working-for-a-boss jobs, but I can't work a 9-5. I have a sleep disorder. I can work a noon-6am and I'm doing it and I am the happiest I have ever been.

I did not think it was possible for an obligate extravert to be this happy and fulfilled in the midst of a pandemic that prevents me seeing anyone for months. Mental health is a weird thing, I guess. What I thought I needed - parties, hugs, money, security - turned out not to be as important. I need breakfast and I need to be in charge of my own destiny. And it turns out that if I have those things, I have the capacity to be incredibly happy. Not that I'm just sitting around feeling wirehead joy all the time, but more like - I feel excited, fulfilled, engaged, fascinated, motivated, confident, decisive, inspired. I might not feel good all the time but I never feel hopeless, helpless, angsty, directionless or meaningless. I'm never bored. I feel bad things sometimes but I don't get into spirals or traps where I just sit around wallowing in the bad things, because I feel empowered to act.

I keep talking to people who think I'm decades older than I am. Apparently I sound it. I feel like I've aged a decade in a year.

The best part is the certainty. It feels like I was meant to do this. It feels like all the foundations I've been laying for years and years are paying off. It feels like I always sort of knew I had to do this.

I'm not sure why I'm writing all this out, except to say something like - I don't think everyone should follow their dreams because I really don't think everyone would experience things this way, but if you're anything like me (and I don't know how to define "like me" yet but people have been telling me that I was meant to found a startup since I was a little kid), you should consider quitting your job (no matter how good and secure a job it is) and trying to take over the world.

I have found so much joy.

So yeah, that's my life update.

[punz4lyfe]

Pokemon Journeys’ Bea.... Kinda Sucks

Hello again! After a weekend of contemplating, I’ve decided to write a little blog review of Pokemon Journeys’ version of Bea from SwSh. Originally, I was planning to do after we get a bit more episodes of Bea, but with all the leaked episode titles we’ve been getting, I’ve got a feeling we won’t see this lady until sometime at late-February, or even March, so let’s just get this outta the way now.

Also, please note that since Bea has only made two actual appearances in the anime, many of the points I will talk about will be subject to change depending on how the writers will handle her in the future, but with all that said, let’s get right to it.

Before we begin, let me just say this: in the games, I find Bea okay. And in Twilight Wings, I love her character and I feel she had a great amount of focus and depth. However, in the anime, I find her.... a little lame. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate her or anything and I feel she has a ton of great potential. So much so, that she could honestly surpass her Twilight Wings variation, but as of now, I’ve got some problems with her.

Problem #1: Her Goal/Motivation

So my first major problem with her character is her goal. Like almost every other trainer we’ve seen in Journeys, Bea wants to rise her rank in the World Coronation Series so that she can battle Leon and take his place as the world’s strongest trainer. But here’s my question for though: Why? Why do you want to be seen as the world’s strongest trainer?

In many past regions, almost all of Ash’s past rivals had the “what” to their goals: Conquering a regional league. However, many of them also had different “why’s” that added to their own motivation. Paul had a brother to prove himself stronger than, Alain had his whole thing with solving the secrets of Mega Evolution for Lysandre as well as finding a way to cure Chespie’s coma, and Gladion wanted to find his dad. From Bea, I’m literally getting nothing from her. Does she have a master she wants to prove herself to? Well, we later find out she trained under Johto’s Chuck, but that’s all really. Does she have some kind of troubling childhood where she was initially seen as weak by her peers, and now with the chance in hand, she can prove everyone wrong by becoming the world’s strongest trainer? As interesting as that sounds, that doesn’t seem to be the case, either.

Without any proper motivation, I have no reason to care for her goals. Please, writers, in her next appearance, please give us the “why” to her actions and not the “what”. Bea has a really cool design, so this is your chance in giving her a cool backstory to boot.

Problem #2: Her Team Sucks

As I’ve mentioned, Bea wants to conquer her way through the World Coronation Series and take Leon’s place. And how is she gonna do that? With a team of all-fighting types? That’s not good enough!

Fighting types are awesome undoubtedly, but like all types, they have their weaknesses. Imagine if Bea faced off against a trainer who, in turn, had a team of all fairy, flying, psychic, or ghost types. She would be completely screwed and she must’ve been pretty lucky to reach her current World Coronation status with a team like hers. There’s honestly a huge list of trainers I can think of who could completely screw Bea over, like Agatha, Skyla, or Sabrina. Heck, if you really think about it, if she were to face Leon, who we know possesses a Dragapult and Charizard, she honestly wouldn’t get far due to Dragapult’s half ghost typing and Gigantamax Charizard crushing her team like ants because it’s a flippin’ half flying giant. And if she were to take Leon’s place, it probably wouldn’t last long since someone can easily identify her preferred type and screw her over with the typings I’ve previously mentioned.

As a matter in fact, let’s imagine a what-if scenario: Ash using Gengar against her Grapploct, who the anime seems to be emphasizing as one of her strongest Pokemon. Looking up her Grapploct’s moveset in the anime, Detect would only delay the inevitable and Close Combat and Octolock wouldn’t do anything due to Gengar’s ghost typing, leaving Liquidation as the only option Grapploct would have to hurt Gengar. Meanwhile, all of Gengar’s own moves can easily affect Grapploct, especially Psychic. And before you bring up the time Gengar lost to Korrina’s Mienshao, keep in mind this, he was taken down by a Beat Up attack, a dark type move that’s honestly pretty broken if you think about it. Does Grapploct know any dark type moves? Nope. Would any of her other Pokemon know some? Most likely, but my point still stands that, with the right mon, you can easily screw up her own team.

That’s why many Champions and Elite Trainers have well-diversed teams. Because if they just stuck to one type, then someone could easily take advantage of that. Many of Ash’s past rivals also had well-diversed teams to keep the stakes high whenever Ash battled them, just look at Gary, Paul, Trip, Sawyer, and Alain. Speaking of stakes...

Problem #3: The Stakes Are Kinda Small

As I just mentioned, because of how straightforward her team is, the stakes of her and Ash’s rivalry are honestly kind of small in that regard. But that’s not all. I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but in all of her battles against Ash so far, I still don’t feel the reason to take her seriously.

Going back in her debut appearance, before her battle against Ash starts, she states that she previously beaten Korrina and called her ‘weak’. And to that, all I have to say, so? Ash has already beaten her a while back, and then he became a champion, and then he beaten her again. I have no idea what you’re exactly trying to prove with that, Bea. Not to mention, we didn’t even get to see who she used against Korrina and her Mega Lucario. Was it someone in her current roster or perhaps a secret weapon? Why would you hide this from us, writers?

Anywayz, going into the battle itself, Ash lost without defeating a single Pokemon. ...Yeah, I’m still not seeing the reason why I should take her seriously, considering the only mons Ash used were little baby Riolu and newcomer Farfetch’d. If it were a three-on-three with Ash using Dragonite, but he still lost, then I would see Bea as a big threat to his goals, but no. And while the lost did lower Ash’s own rank, be quickly raised it back up off-screen by her next appearance, so I guess that wasn’t much of a big deal overall.

In their next battle, Ash used Pikachu and Riolu again and it ended up in a draw, affecting neither of their ranks. Even with a draw, I don’t see any reason to take Bea seriously. While she managed to take down Pikachu, it should be noted that it took two of her Pokemon to do the job, plus Pikachu’s one of the most inconsistent characters in history, so him losing to Grapploct doesn’t really bring in a lot of stakes. And since Riolu and Grapploct tied, that pretty much spoils the fact that Ash’s aura dog will most likely take the W in one of their next battles, especially since Riolu has now evolved into Lucario.

Most rivals in the past usually consistently beat Ash a few times in a row to really set up the stakes for their rivalry. It would add interesting conflict and dynamic in their final confrontation, but considering the recent tie and that Ash only used his two newest mons in their first battle, I don’t really care about Bea as a rival. Not to mention, it took two mons to take down Pikachu, Dragonite and Gengar’s typings royally screw her over, Lucario’s evolution and Farfetch’d’s future one might set them up to be equal or even stronger than her mons, and Dracovish has the potential to be an absolute tank.

Final Points

Overall, with what we’re given so far, Bea kind of sucks as a rival. We don’t have any motivation or depth, her team sucks, and there aren’t really many stakes. She’s pretty much the generic mean boss lady we will have to defeat by the end of the journey. I honestly get a lot more stakes from FF7′s Turks.

But is she the worst rival that Ash has ever gotten? Not by a long shot, especially since the likes of Nando and Cameron exist omg Cameron why do you exist? And like I said, since she’s only made two appearances, there’s still a lot of room for improvement, so many of my issues with her could change over time. I just wanted to get this off of my chest and hopefully provide some insight to my fellow fans on how Bea could become a better character in the anime.

Though, I kind of feel there could be some better directions with her. Even if we get more development, her team will suck by the end of the day, so why not make her a rival for Korrina? They’re both fighting type specialists who aim to be the strongest, plus you could pull off a super cool rivalry over which is stronger; Mega Evolution or Gigantamaxing, with Lucario and Machamp respectively. I honestly feel Hop would be a better rival for Ash due to similar personalities, goals, and diversity in teams. Assuming Hop exists in the anime verse, of course.

If you made it this far, thank you very much for reading my thoughts over Journeys’ Bea! Please feel free to follow for more anipoke content! (am i cool already)