#but literally it’s so easy for shows with this much rep to get cancelled

[robylovi]

Ok but y’all wanna know smtg I adore abt The Dragon Prince?? The fact that all of its couples are allowed to kiss !!! Multiple times !!!!! The gay couples kiss multiple times, the straight couples kiss multiple times, everyone gets to kiss whenever they want to and I love them for that. It’s not even like weirdly overdone, they all make sense in their contexts. Kisses of fondness, of reassurance, of promises, of goodbyes.

Many animated shows will give their main couple like 2, maybe 3 kisses, (one being when they get together and another being whichever dramatic separation scene they have). And if they have a gay couple?? One. To prove they’re gay. The world writes 50 articles abt it.

The Dragon Prince expresses its tenderness so casually and I love it so much.

[citrineghost]

Avoiding Scams on Freelancing Sites

Hi there! I almost just got scammed today, and I’m going to take the LITTANY of red flags from this interaction and use it to teach you all about how to avoid scams.

I am not making very much money right now. I just lost one of the accounts I was writing for, so I am not not even making enough to pay my rent. So I am desperately looking for work. And, like many people desperately looking for work, my panicking subconscious is willing to see a red flag and brush it under the rug because

“I’m probably being paranoid.”

So, to all of my lovely artists, writers, editors, and other types of freelancers who are desperately looking for work, I would like to create a comprehensive list of things that you should NOT FUCKING IGNORE while looking for a job. Actually, the list will be formatted as things you should expect from your employer/interviewer and if these things are missing, get the fuck out of there.

1. Reputable Platforms

The first thing you should be expecting is to use reputable platforms. If you’re being asked for a virtual interview, you should expect your interviewer to invite you via Skype, Discord, (Maybe slack if they’re middle-aged), perhaps Whatsapp, or whatever website you’re using to find your job.

DO NOT go for interviews on Telegram. This app has been reported as very commonly being associated with scams. This is where my recent experience took place.

2. Willingness to Verify Legitimacy

The first thing you should do when being in contact with an interviewer or HR is ask them to verify their identity. 

This may not be necessary if doing a video call with someone pictured on an official company website, receiving emails or texts from addresses/numbers that are listed on an official company website, or if the job you’re being interviewed for was applied to directly on the company website. In these cases, you are not likely to be scammed, as you’re working with verifiably information.

If you meet someone on Indeed, Fiverr, Upwork, or any other freelancing/job site, keep your contact within the website’s chat system, email system, or whatever. This is how you remain protected under the hiring site’s TOS/Legal whatever. If you get scammed because you took your hiring process elsewhere, they will not help you.

That being said, if you DO take your interview off the site, it should be somewhere reputable and you should ask for your interviewer to verify their identity before doing literally anything else. The best way to get them to verify their identity is to ask them to email or text you from an address or phone number listed clearly on the official company website, by asking them to show you their state ID and checking it for photoshop influence, or by asking to do a video call for the interview and seeing for yourself that you’re being interviewed by someone who is pictured on the official company website as an employee.

3. Clear and Professional Procedures

Any professional working as an interviewer or human resources personnel will have a skillset related to communication and organization. When being interviewed you should expect a number of questions about your skills and how you’re valuable to the company, etc. However, this is easy to fake, as a scammer. What you need to look out for is that they show a clear amount of structure.

If you’re asked for an interview, no real company will demand you be quick about responding. If they’re interested in an interview, a legitimate company is not likely to ask you to do the interview immediately. They will ask you to schedule an interview time with them. They may ask if you have availabilities that day, but they will not just start interviewing you immediately.

After the interview, any professional company will tell you that they will get back to you when they’ve made a decision about your interview. No professional company will tell you to wait for an indefinite amount of time while they talk to HR peers. If a company Does want you to wait, because they intend to make a quick decision, they will give you an expected wait time, as that is the courteous and professional thing to do. They will not expect you to be on-call for this period of time. A time projection is simply to give you an idea of what to expect. For example, “I’ll be in touch within the next 1-3 hours about the results of your interview. Thank you for your time.”

Furthermore, if you are accepted for a job, any professional company will make a clear outline of exactly how they plan to introduce you into company life. They will respect your time and ask you to schedule things with them. For example, “Is there a period of 2-3 hours within the next few days where you would be available for an orientation?” 

No professional company will demand you do anything at any particular time. That is not how legitimate professionals treat new employees. You will be asked to schedule things with them. Even when you’re assigned work hours, if the exact hours you’re applying for are not listed in the job description you applied for, they will ask you to fill out some kind of time sheet to outline your availabilities, then schedule you for times within that outline.

4. Doesn’t Show Signs of Money Scamming

There are two major red flags when it comes to money scams. Your interviewer should never ask you what bank you use and your interviewer should never ever tell you they’re going to send you a check, unless they send your paycheck as a check.

One of the more common scams at the moment is run by people pretending to be members of legitimate companies, hiring freelancers for things like proofreading and editing. These remote positions may require home office hardware, right? The interviewer will tell you you’re missing some hardware and software that are required for the job. Then they’ll tell you that they will send a check that you can cash and use to buy the required materials.

This is even sketchier if they email you front and back images of the check and tell you to print it and then deposit it through mobile banking. The way this works is that, if you cash the check successfully, you will then buy the list of software, which is usually completely unrelated to the job you’re being hired for, then they will cancel the check, which hasn’t cleared completely. That leaves you with ~$2k dollars less in your bank and their money right back where it started in theirs. Presumably, the scammers are the ones selling the software. So, that $2k dollars you just spent is also going into their bank account.

Professional companies will never offer to send you checks to buy products. If they have official hardware or software that they want you to use, they will buy it themselves and then send it to you. There is never a reason why a new hire should buy hardware or software out of their own bank, whether they have been given money for it or not.

Furthermore, a legitimate company will never ever pay you before you have signed and sent your contract to them. One of the obvious giveaways of the scam I was almost caught in was that I was sent the contract last night and I asked if I could send it in today, since it was getting late. The interviewer agreed. I signed it in the morning and then asked him if I should send it in a reply to the email I got the original contract from or if there’s another email I need to send it to. He completely ignored my question, asked me how I was doing, and then went into the check-related information so I could buy software.

The issue was bothering me ALL DAY. I knew there was something extremely weird about that, so I asked again a few hours later. His response? “You have nothing to worry about.” ?????? I was aghast. I wasn’t worried at all! I just wanted an answer! If he had simply told me to respond to the email I’d gotten the contract from, I might have fallen for his scam! What a terrible scammer smdh

A Non-Exhaustive List of Other Red Flags

Your interviewer shows a poor grasp on the language

If your interviewer is making frequent grammatical errors that are glaringly obvious to any native speaker, that is a huge red flag. HR reps and interviewers are hired because of their communication skills. It is highly unlikely that someone who makes non-native-like errors is legitimate unless they are actually openly non-native, in which case, it’s not so alarming.

Your interviewer is showing impatience or demanding you at certain times

If your interviewer is telling you to “report back by 8am tomorrow” without any kind of prior agreement that this is an acceptable time for you to meet, that is extremely unprofessional and shows a lack of patience. Scammers want to get to the meat of their scam quickly and will use an air of professional superiority and authority to scare you into moving faster than necessary.

Your interviewer shows a lack of opening and closing statements

Along the lines of the clear processes that I mentioned above anybody who is initiating you in the job you’re taking should show clear opening and closing statements. What I mean by this is: professionals in human resources or management positions will not keep you as a social hostage. If you’ve been discussing how you’ll begin training or somesuch, they will not just leave you hanging. You should have a dedicated time slot where you will have your discussion and, at the end of it, your supervisor should make a closing statement. For example, “It looks like our time is running out for today. What would be a good time to pick this up tomorrow?”

If you feel like you are “on-call” and unable to leave the room because the interviewer or supervisor keeps messaging, has not outlined a time slot for you to talk in, won’t seem to let you go, or shows no indication of stopping, that is a really bad sign. Either the company is legitimate and TERRIBLE at professionalism (a great sign you should run anyway), or this is a scammer intent on getting you to follow their instructions as soon as they can.

Your interviewer ignores time zones or gets them wrong

When I was contacted about doing an interview yesterday, it was 4:30pm. I did the interview and was told I got the job. Immediately after, without asking if I was free, he began listing off instructions and things I was to expect. It wasn’t until 7:30pm that he sent me the contract and asked me to review it, sign it, and send it back that I finally asked if I could do that tomorrow. The interviewer was supposedly on the west coast and knew that I was on the east coast. He agreed by saying “Alright” and then told me to report to him “by 8am your time.”

There are 3 things about this that are weird. The first is that he demanded I show up at 8am to continue where we left off. Any professional would have asked when I’m available the next day to continue. the second is that he said “your time” instead of saying EST, as most professionals in the US would be apt to do. And, lastly, I showed up at 7:50am, ready to continue, because I’m that desperate that I’m willing to be pushed around, and he showed up at 9am on the dot. He had gotten the time wrong. Nobody who works professionally on the west coast is incapable of adding 3 hours to their time. It was a rookie mistake, or a mistake made by someone in a completely different time zone than they say they are.

When asked to verify their identity, your interviewer attempts to reassure you or refuses

When I finally was fed up and knew this must be a scam, I politely asked my interviewer to verify his identity by either showing me his US ID or by contacting me from his email or phone number listed on the official company website. He sent me a photoshopped nametag with a completely different person’s name and photo on it and said it was the company ID of the HR director. 

I have never seen a facade fall so pathetically. Why would literally any even remotely legitimate person do such a thing? It was sad, really. He deleted the message in less than a minute - no doubt to keep me from looking at it long enough to see how badly it was photoshopped - and then aggressively reassured me that the company meant me no harm and would pay for everything, etc. Any real professional would have simply sent me an email from the legitimate address, stating that they’re legitimate, and then continued on with the initiation process.

Learn from My Mistakes

I hope some of this was helpful for all of you lovely freelancers trying to find work. I thought I would know a scam when I saw one, and I did have a Bad Feeling about this whole thing, because it did feel too good to be true, but I was desperate enough that my judgement was heavily clouded, and that could happen to anyone.

Don’t ignore red flags - especially these ones. Stick up for yourself. Avoid confirmation bias. I looked things up repeatedly to confirm that the company was legitimate and that it’s normal to do things like mobile deposit a printed check and so on. Every time, I found an explanation that suited me. I even tried to cash the check. The only reason it didn’t work was because there was an error with the name on the check because I recently legally changed my name and PayPal was having some kind of issue updating in some areas of its website. It was after that that I realized this was all crashing down and I needed to reassess it all. Don’t let yourself get that deep into it.

[mithliya]

(about that post you made yesterday abt how you just don’t like male centric media) i think the problem for me is that the genres or whatever you wanna call them that i like the most don’t have good female representation, or even if they do hardly any are lesbian, and if it came between reading abt an osa couple or reading abt a gay male couple i would choose the latter. with books it’s pretty easy to just get one that has good representation for gay male couples and then just imagine them as butch women in my head (it always throws me off when i see fanart or something and it’s like woah! that’s a man) if all the male centric media i consumed genderswapped all the characters i would like it 1000x better, but i deal (& i know it’s like ‘write the book you want to read!’ but i suck at writing). i don’t watch a lot of tv, but as far as shows go there are actually a few good ones with female main characters, like the half of it (you should watch that if you haven’t) you mentioned heartstopper.. everyone was so obsessed with heartstopper but some parts were kinda bad cringy to watch, since i just literally can’t take males seriously lmao.. same with young royals and things like that. like every single tv show with/about a lesbian romance got canceled and the movie prom sucked. i don’t know, male centric media doesn’t always bore me but i wish there was just better female centric, lesbian centric, etc.

i can kinda get u bc i love dystopian novels n i read those without much trouble bc idk it’s easier to pretend they’re not men anyways but like if it’s shows or movies i generally avoid ones that r very male-heavy. if it’s about gay men usually i can handle it a bit better bc i can relate somewhat but like het men … no thanks. or ones that r male-centric in a different way like the TV show You.. for one it’s all him obsessing over other women so women are a p big part of the show but it shows men from a diff perspective so i like it. but dexter for example… tried to watch it like 5 different times, never got past like episode 6 or sth. there’s def some exceptions for me but generally i get instantly bored if a show or movie is mainly about men or from a male perspective. when it’s gay men it’s sth i can watch sometimes tho, but those are also rare. also ur right lesbian representation sucks.. anon if u like tho maybe u should check out the 100. the het scenes r ignorable and it’s not great lesbian rep either but it’s got a lot of female MCs & the main character is like. obsessed with a certain lesbian hehe.

also thank u for the rec!!! i did watch half of it. i loved the lesbian rep and the fact that she had this dumbass straight male friend who respected her 😭 also iirc the ending was more realistic but still somewhat happy ?? it was nice. i liked blue is the warmest colour a lot bc the story is sad as hell and the actresses are AMAZING but the sex scenes are way too much (i first watched it with my mom when i was like 15… it was very awkward. she asked me questions that i did not want to be asked) & also the actresses said the director (male) was.. not good to say the least. i also wanna watch the colour purple, i finished the book recently and was weeping.. i loved hearing from the perspective of a traumatised lesbian who clearly didn’t understand her own feelings bc i could somewhat relate and getting to see her grow 😭😭.. it’s just so well written. orphan black, wentworth, sugar rush… just some faves w memorable lesbian rep

there’s soooo many shows ive watched just for lesbian rep and most are pretty terrible. do not watch riverdale, or tales of the city, feel good (the plot twist at season 1 is that she’s not actually a lesbian which. idk why they had to make that a plot twist lmfao… i would’ve been fine knowing she’s a masc bi woman from episode 1), or gypsy.

[fandomsandfeminism]

Shows with Prominent Queer Characters

This list in particular is aimed at people who might be wanting to move on from Supernatural, but with, ya know, better queer rep. For that reason, I’ve tried to limit it to Live Action, Drama/Action based shows. I’ve only included shows that I’ve seen and enjoyed, but feel free to add more! 

#1: Black Sails

I made this whole list just so I could put Black Sails at the top of it. It’s so good. It’s SO GOOD.

Honest moment- season 1 is kinda mediocre garbage. It’s trying to be Pirate GoT. Suffer through season 1. It massively improves from there. A blend of historical fiction and technically a prequel to Treasure Island- Black Sails is kind of amazing, and the queer rep is really well developed. 

(I think Hulu has it now? And Starz. And a bunch of other options.)

#2 Star Trek Discovery 

The shiniest and CGI-est of Trek, Discovery definitely has modern sensibilities about pacing and action. The first two seasons were kind of controversial with OG Trek fans for some retcons they did, but I enjoyed them anyway. This series is an easy entry point for people with no previous Trek experience (and in fact, knowing less about earlier Treks might make this series easier to get into, especially compared to, say, Picard) 

All that said- Season 3 functions as a soft-reboot, so it could function as an entry point if you don’t want to deal with the bumpiness of the first two seasons, and LORD the queer characters are the best part of the show. And there just keeps being more and more! 

(Available on CBS All Access) 

#3 Haunting of Bly Manor

This one was originally a hard sell for me, since I DO NOT LIKE Horror. The first two episodes are the scariest, but then it mellows more into a Supernatural Drama. VERY good.

On Netflix. 

#4 The Umbrella Academy 

This one is already very popular on Tumblr, so I won’t say much about it. If you aren’t sure if you’ll like the vibe, literally just watch the first episode. If you’re into it, you’re into it.  I’m into it. 

On Netflix. 

#5 I am Not Ok With This

Honestly, this series is so good. I’m just sad because it looks like Covid may have gotten it cancelled. Tragic. But the first season is still worth a watch. 

On Netflix. 

[spade-riddles]

Sorry mate TTA but I'm gonna need more cuz it's easy & convenient for you to say all that AFTER the fact. Hell any one of us couldve sent in that ask. Perhaps ur legit but I still feel like ur just another hater making up stuff to make us look stupid.

Anonymous asked:

And we should care, why, Tea Time Anon? I'm not seeing any reason to continue supporting those two women or to put any faith into what you say.

Anonymous asked:

I really really really hope that that teatime anon isnt giving us false hopes. Like im already at the edge, one more step and im out. But right now im taking 2 steps back and hang around… again.

Anonymous asked:

Well! It's a REALLY good thing for the girls that buying out of contracts is a thing, then, isn't it!

Because them doing it ASAP is the ONLY thing that will make it so that the number of people that will support them as a out couple ISN'T so low that you can count them on one hand! 😒🚬

Anonymous asked:

Yeah sure like she moved the re-release of her most successful and most anticipated album ever *at the last minute* because of Karlie. As if she was ever gonna incorporate Karlie while married to a Kushner (the divorce wouldn't have come right away). I used to believe so much in tta. But the timeline of events they describe doesn't make sense. Am not falling for the "pivot" excuse anymore.

Anonymous asked:

“I think you all may have guessed that a PR divorce was planned and cancelled because of his Instagram deletion and subsequent reactivation.” No offense to you SR, but this sounds really manipulative. Make us feel good for something we indeed were assuming to gain our trust in order to then excuse their inconsistencies. Also even if 1989 were to be released on May, Speak Now was never gonna be released in July as they had said. Too short of a rollout for 1989. Explain that TeaTimeAnon. 🤷‍♀️

Anonymous asked:

Renegotiate!? Come on. Nope. Taylor better carry on, cause that is bullshit if true. Hell nah. Karlie is ridiculous to keep agreeing to shit—and Taylor is ridiculous to keep going along with it. Nope. Sorry. 😏

I do feel like something was coming in May for sure. I'm not sure what's going on, but things are for sure off. And it is weird that she all of a sudden announces RED 5 months early after dropping 1989 merch. Cool, no problem, but a weird rollout.

Anonymous asked:

Uh why does KK need money from jerk if she has Taylor? The whole she needs his money thing which is why she’s staying is getting to be an old excuse.

Anonymous asked:

There's no way the jerklie divorce was scheduled for the end of May. The end of the contract maybe. But there's absolutely no way they'd be getting divorced 3 months after the birth of the baby. It would have drawn too much unnecessary attention.

Anonymous asked:

Lmao tea time is just saying what we’ve all been saying. They are NOT legit. Stop trying to convince us that they are. They sound like regular fans taking a guess. Enough

Anonymous asked:

Sigh. I am a long time Kaylor and I really don’t find 🍵 credible. There was nothing in that explanation that we haven’t already speculated about at length on here. Unless there’s some strong corroboration of why they’re a trustworthy source, I really don’t need anymore “tea”.

Anonymous asked:

I mean come on. Would a real insider reveal so many details about Karlie's contract which is STILL ongoing in a place that is HEAVILY monitored by Jerk's team? Are we really that naive to believe that someone is offering such precious info without any care? TTA is either a troll or worse... they're dangling fake hope again right when everyone has started saying how sick and tired they are and how pointless it is to still support them. TTA must prove themselves, or not bother us ever again.

Anonymous asked:

Some of what TTA is saying makes sense... But here's my big question: Is Karlie sad and blue every day for months like Taylor talked about in Hoax? Or is she willingly prolonging her contract, pushing Taylor's re-recording schedule, and making it harder to untangle her and her kid from the K*shners? Both cannot be true. I'm not a big Karlie fan rn, but I think it's the first option. Also, TTA said 1989 TV would drop 5/14. So K renegotiated and T pushed 1989 in under 2 weeks? I'm skeptical.

Anonymous asked:

… so a “PR divorce” was scheduled for May, but instead we get Karlie w Joshua’s mom walking the baby and Karlie posing for pics in their stunt apt and a Father’s Day post? Among other pap walks? Literally makes NO sense.

Anonymous asked:

If anything is worth staying tied to the K*shners when you had a chance to be free, I have no respect left.

Anonymous asked:

can someone clarify what the 3rd part of tta's message?? taylors sm, interviews have been messy? like no?? that was(is) karlie?? the only "mess" on her part are that she sent out clues for multiple albums, and even that I refuse to believe that such a meticuluous planner as taylor did not take absolutely every factor in consideration, especially one as big as jerk renemwing their contract or whatever exactly went down. here im assuming that jerk had the power to single handedly renew [PART 1]

the contract, and that the term 're NEGOTIATE' is used loosely, because what could the kushners possibly have to offer to karlie other than money- black, dishonest, taxpayers' money- even her rep isnt being helped by the kushners, so why would she agree to extending their stupid skit that no one signed up for? and taylor has more than enough money to last 7 lifetimes. and if jerk had the power to renew the contract without karlies involvement, there is just no way that taylor didnt [PART 2/4]

take that into consideration. Also, the 22 weeks and men's day thing is too perfect to be planned on a whim, but it is possible that like some anon had previously said, it was planned for 2022, so we can overlook that. but otherwise, there are only so many possibilities: 1. 1989 was postponed because karlie DECIDED to continue playing house with the kushners for money. in which case, either a) taylor supported her (seems unlikely but still possible) or b) they broke up because of this [PART3/4]

2. karlie and jerk are together for real and have a kid together and karlie refused to being a part of 1989 tv era because she doesnt want kaylor rumours again, which i agree would be unpleasant if she really is with jerk, taylor is or is not with joe, and karlies refusal caused 1989 to pivot, and all of us kaylors are delusional to think there is anything more between them. <PART 4/5>,

3. karlie is, infact, bearding with jerk but kaylor broke up a while ago and taylor doesnt want to relive 1989 tv so soon after her breakup because it would remind her of karlie. 4. they broke up sometime in the past and taylor asked her now ex to be part of the 1989 tv era and she refused. 5. tta is a fraud. these are really the only situations i think are plausible, others are free to add more and share your thoughts on these. <PART 4/5>

also, another thing that has me doubting the credibility of tta is how direct their messages are. there is a chance that spade is/was legit because they spoke the same language as taylor- one of codes and puzzles. but tta's messages are wayy too straightforward to be approved by taylor i think. so either, as another anon requested, show some proof, like maybe a single release date for red tv or something, or stop sending supposed "tips" <PART 5/5>

Anonymous asked:

Convenient that TTA shows up after Red TV has been announced. Taylor has been dropping hints about all her albums since before May. Red tv being next makes sense and there is Easter eggs and evidence that was the case. Also: if negotiations happened at start of May, why was KK dropping 1989 hints as recent as last week. It’s doesn’t make sense.

Anonymous asked:

TTA: What about Speak Now TV coming out on July 9th, like you said last time? That album has nothing to do with Karlie. Taylor said pretty clearly that the next album she's releasing is Red TV. So what's your explanation for Speak Now's release being pushed to some unspecified date?

[storiesofsvu]

5, 18, 22?

5. Show me your favourite under-appreciated fic; why do you wish it got more attention?

Series: Little One. It was supposed to be a one shot but morphed into a series cause I loved the pet name so much and wanted to keep working with it. I think it didn’t get a lot of attention because it was Elizabeth Keane and not as many followers cared about her/had watched Homeland, but now that I’ve pulled her into Penthouse which crosses with SVU and a ton of other characters I think it should start to get some more attention. I just really liked writing it, I liked their dynamic, and i had to sort through so much political crap 😂 and canon related crap to work through it.

One Shot: Harvard Miscalculations. I poured so much into this, and I really love it, and the sister bond between Rita & yn, and how they work through things supporting each other. I think it didn’t get as much attention cause people prefer a romantic relationship between Rita & yn over the sister, and it has Barhoun elements to it (it’s obvi a Harvard AU) and also deals with unwanted pregnancies/abortions so that’s not everyone’s cup of tea to read but I LOVED IT….

18. What’s your favourite word to slip into stories if you can?

LORD. My literal FIRST INSTINCT was “hunky dory” because of the episode that Rita says it (in the middle of a courtroom no doubt) and like…ms calhoun…do you have a bet with Barba on how many times you can say it on the record? Cause you would never say those words…I wanna talk to whoever wrote that scene 💀

Hm….I don’t know?? Like I can’t really think of one….

23.Would any of your stories make a good movie or tv series? Tell us about it, particularly what might stay the same or change?

Oh!! EASY ONE!! Serendipitous Secrets and Surprises is BASICALLY CANON. I put it into what “would be Season 23”, introduced yn right off the bat, as who would end up being the new sergeant after transferring in working a joint case (that she got arrested undercover during) (Fin being Lieutenant). Then I slowly re-introduced older characters, that yn had connections to (Rita -though tech not an old one—Alex, Casey, Pippa, Donnelly) and then it comes out that she’s married to one of them but no one can figure out which one. And bringing them back, would lead into their own lawyer spin off (including Barba and Buchanan/Langan, Donnelly heading the firm). (And this was BEFORE they announced For the Defense, which is partially why I’m so salty it was cancelled). Later in the fic, it starts to include Rita’s character arc that started in S17 with her repping the girl from Dowland who was raped, because Rita herself *went to dowland*. And I was all “wait a minute….IS HER NAME ON THAT WALL SOMEWHERE TOO?!” And then just how she was written/acting choices in s18, and I went from there with discovering that Rita was assaulted back in high school, and it was by Chip Gallagher, and so on and so fourth and pulled in the s22 ep that she was in, and all that jazz. Basically….the only thing that would need to be removed would be all the swearing, and the smut scenes. (Though I think the spin off would have more of their personal lives, Donnelly is also yn’s Mom, and one of the smut scenes is a trigger for Rita cause she uses the safe word and that’s when yn realizes something’s up). Like…it FITS so fucking well. And i need it to happen. (And i need to be cast as Rita’s wife)

OR Heavy Hearts cause it’s enough of an AU to be a movie if I rewrote it so that there were different names. Tbh, that’s part of why I’m in the midst of rewriting it and making it longer and more fleshed out, because I might change it into an original work on top of a fanfic.

THANKS FOR ASKING!!

💜 💜

[sevensoulmates]

Yeah!! you're right, also that part of the toxic fandom does not realize that if they continue like this they will achieve the opposite of what they want (that is, Buddie becomes canon) and that Oliver and Ryan feel annoyed with the ship (something that I am sure they are starting to feel or already feel)

So I took some time to ponder over this because I’ve been seeing this general assumption/fear going around not just in the 911 fandom but within other fandoms as well, past and present. And I just became curious as to why we as an audience feel like if we make a wrong step--like being too pushy about something we do/don’t want--that creators will do the opposite to spite us.

In this day and age, it is very easy to access content creators, even ones who exist as part of a larger corporation. I did some research about how fans have generally been able (or unable) to impact how a show or movie has moved forward with any particular story and it seems that those who have (shows like Arrow that changed up storylines/pairings to suit comic book fans or fans of other ships) have been met with backlash and ultimately no satisfaction for anyone. I’ve also read of some shows (example like BBC Sherlock) adding in meta-level “fans” to their show, or writing in “undertones” to please fans, and that backfiring because the show didn’t actually want go forward with it, so when they backtracked (or didn’t make certain plotlines/ships canon) people were upset because of the false hope they were given.

We’ve also seen the rise in fan support saving certain show from cancellation. We watched it happen with One Day at a Time and with Brooklyn Nine-Nine. What was important to realize on that end, was that the shows weren’t “saved” by their original networks, but were instead bought up by other networks who believed the show could fit their brand and wanted to continue it and still felt like they would find those fans shifting to watch wherever the show went. These shows were saved not because of fan support (although that was a big factor) but mostly because the networks that bought them saw potential in continuing the show.

On the flip side, we’ve seen fan petitions to do things such as re-make the entire last season of Game of Thrones, or remake Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. Neither of these fan petitions ever even came remotely close to influencing creators. But then we have the negative backlash of things like Sonic the Hedgehog where fans literally bullied the animation team into redesigning (and therefore re-making entirely) their film. But in that case the creators didn’t necessarily change up the story but rather a character design. Still, it showcases that fans DO have some sort of power to influence things that happen higher up. But how much really? In my opinion, way way less than we think we have.

From what I’ve read (and you can google ‘fan impact on tv shows’ if you want to read some older and newer articles), when it comes to the writing of shows, most creators and their writers are not writing to give the audience every little thing they want--but rather, they write to create the story that the writing team wants and the story that they best feel suits the characters. And this might not always line up with what the fans believe best suits the characters. Of course, TV shows WANT fans to enjoy what they make. They want to have fans in the first place. But because of how active people are online, and how easy it is to have your voice and opinion reach someone high up, fan voices are beginning to be drowned out--purposefully. 

When you have large-scale protests, such as the huge backlash The 100 and several other shows received for perpetuating the “bury your gays” trope, these criticisms are not petty complaints about ships or contradictory lore, these criticisms are about socio-cultural level problems that NEED to be addressed due to the harmful and deadly ramifications they can have on real world people. These protests are needed so that going forward, other media are AWARE of what ramifications may come from such decisions and can make better choices when telling their stories. Shows that have failed to comply often face heavy backlash--or are quick to get the boot (looking at you The Magicians). For problems like this, creators absolutely should be listening to their fans. For things like shipping, or other minor disagreements that are based heavily on individual fan preference, creators can very easily let that roll off their backs.   

My point is that with the ever-closing gap between fans and creators, fans voices have grown louder, yes, but creators ability to tune it all out has grown stronger. TV shows want passionate fans. And those who have been in the field for a while know that comes with having obnoxious, disrespectful, and rude fans as well. At the end of the day, unless a show is writing in storylines or character stereotypes that are disrespectful or harmful to groups of real people, they should not have to bend to every will of every faction of fans. And most won’t. Because you can’t please everybody, so the writers and creators are going to choose to do what works best to them. At the end of the day creators/writers are going to do whatever they want and take the storyline wherever they think is the most interesting (and logical) for their characters. (An aside to say I’m talking about shows that actually know what they’re doing in the writers room--not shows like Riverdale (no offense)).

Shows (like Supernatural for example) are always going to choose to do what they want to do above anything the fans say they want. If they want to make a certain ship happen, they’ll do it. If they don’t, they won’t regardless of how vocal fans (or antis) are. What show writers do and don’t want may shift over the course of time. It happens. (Like for example, in my personal opinion, I don’t believe the writers were at all trying or necessarily wanting to write Buddie as a legitimate thing/possibility in s2, but with s3 I feel that has changed). When writing to please fans, you can risk certain decisions coming off as pandering (like in Star Wars:TROS). And when certain decisions feel inauthentic to the show or underdeveloped/OOC for a character (even things that people claim they really wanted) it can feel disappointing even to the most loyal of fans.

For 911 specifically, we’ve seen that the show can and does focus on character’s love lives. It’s not unreasonable to expect that from them like it might with say shows like The 100 where the plot-heavy sci-fi action has always been the priority for the show’s writers, above whatever romantic side-plots they have with their characters. And we’ve seen that 911 is generally positive when it comes to how they represent queer characters (as for other minority rep, 911LS has some issues on the muslim rep, but I am not qualified to speak on that as someone who is not muslim). The show is not perfect in it’s writing, they’ve made mistakes or done things that not all fans have liked, but from my perspective (and I think a lot of other people’s perspectives too) the show does its best to remain true to its characters and tell a genuinely interesting and engaging story. The show (both the writers, producers and actors) seems to care for their characters and the stories they give them a whole lot.

So, tldr, no. I don’t think the writers would simply choose to not make buddie a thing if they genuinely thought it would work for their characters and the story they want to tell. Even if the shippers are obnoxious and annoying. Even if the actors may occasionally get frustrated with shippers online. If it was right for the show, and right for the characters, I do feel like 911 would go for it. Hell, they might feel like buddie is right for the show/characters but not right right now, and that’s where character development, plot development and relationship development comes in. Ladies, gents and non-binary pals, that’s where patience comes in. 

In the meantime, show your enthusiasm! But be respectful, always.

[entirebodyexercise]

96 ways to keep your heart healthy and strong

1. Substitute puréed prunes or applesauce for butter in cooking recipes.

2. Workout! Study shows top aerobic athletes often tend to live 5 years longer.

3. Decrease your salt intake by replacing canned veggies with frozen.

4. See the glass as half full. Positivity is related to a more powerful heart.

5. Pick potassium! This mineral helps cancel sodium levels (a major wrongdoer in destructive our hearts).

6. Take pleasure in a square of 70 percent dark delicious chocolate. It has potent antioxidant as well as anti-clotting properties.

7. Do you recognize the signs and symptoms of high blood pressure? Trick concern: There aren't any! Have a pharmacologist or doctor check yours this week.

8. Replace your workdesk chair with a medicine ball. It's a terrific means to shed additional calories and also raise core strength.

9. What inspires you to stay healthy and balanced? Compose the factors on sticky notes as well as publish them at the workplace as well as at residence to remind and influence you.

10. Learn how to say no. Claiming yes to every little thing can result in anxiety as well as poor health.

11. Experiment with whole grains: Attempt hulled barley, teff, millet, buckwheat, quinoa as well as wheat bulgur or berries.

12. Go nuts! Studies discover a handful five times per week assists lower heart problem risk.

13. Maintain your cool. When your temper increases, your high blood pressure could also increase.

14. Serve lentils, beans or tofu as the primary rather than meat. With a little seasoning they really shine!

15. Grab a pedometer. Try including 100 steps to your overall every week.

16. Avoid sugarcoated. Flavour your coffee or tea with cinnamon instead.

17. Devote to health and fitness: Stroll any distance that's 10 mins away or less.

18. Supply your fridge with low-fat or skim milk products.

19. Lease a romcom. Science web links watching funny flicks with advantageous blood flow throughout your body.

20. Do exactly what you enjoy. A solid heart is emotionally and also literally fit.

21. Inning accordance with leading heart docs, workout is like sleep: you can't save it up. Rise, obtain going!

22. Stretch it out! Versatile muscle mass imply adaptable arteries.

23. LOL ASAP: Giggling actually is the finest medicine. It relieves anxiety as well as improves your immune system.

24. Start a brand-new practice this Thanksgiving. Make time for a stroll with buddies and also household to take pleasure in the colours of fall.

25. Eat out! Search for vital words like baked, broiled, grilled, poached or steamed on the menu.

26. Lift weights: For every single extra pound of muscular tissue you develop, you'll melt an added 10 calories each day.

27. Brighten a cool morning. Make a low-cal London Fog with Earl Grey tea, vanilla essence as well as steamed low-fat milk.

28. Huge up on B vitamins-- they increase good cholesterol by 15 to 35 percent.

29. Do a stress inventory. Take 5 mins to see where you hold stress and anxiety: jaws, shoulders, neck. Now breathe, stretch, relax!

30. Schedule much more suppers in. Households that dine with each other make much healthier selections together.

31. Allow go of stress and also perfectionism. Loosen up, as well as care for yourself.

32. Ditch that soft drink. A pop a day can add up to 15 extra pounds in a year!

33. Offer a dish of low-sodium, broth-based soup.

34. Treat on raw vegetables rather than chips when you're craving a little crunch.

35. Usage smaller sized bowls and layers in the house. Portion control secures your heart.

36. Moms-to-be that do low-impact workout provide babies a head start on heart health.

37. Stressed? Get a pen. Discussing difficult events could help you release negative feelings and feel better.

38. Create a hassle-free bedroom. Lower the thermostat as well as try ear plugs as well as light-blocking curtains.

39. Test new heart-healthy oils, like soybean, safflower and sesame.

40. Attempt an anytime, anywhere fitness break. Stash stretchbands as well as skipping ropes in your purse.

41. Today, have a cozy movie night. Serve low-fat cocoa as well as air-popped snacks seasoned with Cajun spices.

42. Feeling emphasized? Talk it out with a buddy. It'll make you feel much better as well as maintain harmful stress and anxiety degrees down!

43. Neglect frying! Try steaming, broiling, or cooking your food for healthier dishes, as a first program. It loads you up without adding mega calories!

44. Throw some chia seeds on your salad for a hit of heart-healthy fiber as well as omega-3s.

45. Set up an once a week exercise date with a close friend. Studies reveal you'll lose more weight together!

46. Easy on the salt! Go for no even more than 2,300 mg a day (that's one teaspoon).

47. Inflate the volume! Hearing songs releases feel-good hormones.

48. Release anger: Hanging on to aggravation injures your heart. Repetitive rounds can thicken artery walls.

49. Smile! When you beam on the outdoors, you beam on the inside also. Research links joy with solid hearts.

50. Change screen time with face time. Limit TV to 2 hours a day.

51. Reach out to friends and family. Interacting socially is fantastic for your heart!

52. Schedule leisure right into your week. Try tai chi, yoga exercise, reflection or a quiet stroll in the park.

53. Appreciate Loss's bounty: Get some fennel, okra, beans, corn, shallots and also late summertime squash on your plate.

54. To earn waiting less stressful, maintain Sodoku problems, weaving or a book in your bag.

55. Suppress cravings with healthy and balanced snacks: Low-fat cheese as well as grapes or celery, or a handful of nuts and a pear.

56. Leave the cars and truck in the house! Try strolling, biking, or public transportation to obtain where you have to go.

57. Window-shopping is good for you! When it's unpleasant outside, hit the shopping centers for Thirty Minutes of quick walking.

58. Even if it's margarine, doesn't imply it's heart-healthy. Examine the label: It must be non-hydrogenated as well as trans fat free.

59. Relocate your feet with motivation: Authorize up for an enjoyable run or a charity stroll for a good cause.

60. Can not state no to a friend? Pledge your BFF you'll obtain energetic with her - you'll be more probable to go!

61. Discover your city with a led walking tour, or take a mid-day to check out a new neighbourhood on foot.

62. Obtain examined! Half of females have high cholesterol.

63. Stress less regarding the future. Excess stress and anxiety might emphasize your heart.

64. State many thanks! Revealing gratitude reduces stress, which could help take added stress off your heart.

65. Replacement lean turkey for ground beef. It has less saturated fat.

66. Include more colour to your plate. You can boost heart wellness immediately by upping your fruit and veg intake.

67. Envision a much healthier you. It's the primary step towards making long-term changes.

68. Measure your blood pressure at the drug store. Fifty percent of people who have high blood stress do not know it.

69. Purée additional vegetables into sauces as well as soups for a sneaky health boost!

70. Adhere to low GI foods. They may trigger fewer spikes in blood sugar, which indicates much less strain on your heart.

71. Eat whole fruits, rather of alcohol consumption fruit juices, to get insoluble fibre.

72. Make it a practice when dining in a restaurant: constantly take home a dog bag.

73. Put on your own initially. Stay smoke-free, consume right and workout, these are some way of living changes that could reduce the danger of heart problem as well as stroke by up to 80 percent.

74. Relax. It's good for your heart and also soul.

75. Explore a brand-new Indian dahl recipe. Legumes never ever tasted so good!

76. Healthy sex lives create healthy hearts. An attractive session could be as good for your heart as a vigorous walk.

77. Try tabbouleh! It's a great means to obtain in even more yummy whole grains.

78. Experience new spreads: Attempt peanut, hazelnut or almond butter on bread.

79. Join a community yard in your area. Gardening minimizes stress and anxiety and also can shed 400 calories each hour!

80. Stopped cigarette smoking-- no butts about it! Smokers are three times most likely to pass away of heart disease.

81. Absorb the sunlight! A great dose of vitamin D keeps heart cells healthy.

82. Put sleep initial (go for a minimum of 7 hrs). Pleasant dreams produce satisfied hearts.

83. Brush and also floss! They do even more than freshen your breath. Great oral health and wellness could minimize cardiac arrest risk.

84. Inspect nourishment labels: If sugar is the initial or 2nd component, simply say no! It's not a healthy choice.

85. Work in workout whenever you can. At the workplace, squat till you're almost remaining on your chair. Do 15 reps. Easy!

86. Reside in a heart-healthy 'hood. Supermarket and also parks within strolling range encourage casual exercise.

87. Fret less concerning the future. Excess anxiety could worry your heart.

88. Ordinary popcorn is a heart-healthy snack!

89. Bear in mind every bite. Reduce down and also indulge in the flavour.

90. Ditch deep-fried foods as well as business baked products. They seriously increase the danger for heart disease!

91. Excel to your heart currently. The seeds of disease are planted early. Stop them prior to they take root.

92. Usage healthy fats like cold-pressed, extra-virgin olive oil on your salad.

93. Start roughing it! Fibre-rich foods are one of the finest methods to assist prevent heart disease.

94. Construct a far better brekkie. Oatmeal is a heart-healthy start (reward factors for sprinkling flax seeds ahead).

95. Make time for hugs. A limited capture could help reduce your high blood pressure and lower stress.

96. Play a sport you like! A fit heart is a delighted heart.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [I'm gonna say he's just full on sat next to her for food or whatever after also sitting next to her on the coach/minibus etc] Jimmy: let's not stop meeting like this Janis: Hope you don't think this harrassment is going to fly Janis: not a Catholic school Jimmy: You'd have to speak up, reckon that's about as likely as Jesus weighing in on the issue Jimmy: but alright I owe you a vape pen, glue stick or whatever else the paddy youth classes as a fun time Janis: Wouldn't wanna inflate your ego more than everyone else has Janis: or talk to you, obvs Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: congrats on your immunity Jimmy: 🏅🏆 Janis: To what? Janis: the clap or your lack of charm Jimmy: both Jimmy: you're a real winner, girl Janis: aw thanks Janis: if you want tossing off under the table though, you've got plenty other options Jimmy: a real heart breaker, you Jimmy: gives me a better idea Jimmy: tah Janis: that's me Janis: brains and beauty Janis: ? Jimmy: don't forget modesty and humility Jimmy: use your 💔 talents to publicly me and I can spend the rest of this trip in exile Jimmy: 🎻😭🎻 Janis: i'd rather, tah Janis: you want that rep? Janis: guess a pussy is pretty undesirable Jimmy: more than the one they're trying to give me, yeah Jimmy: not the only 🧠 on board Janis: no jerking off, remember Janis: fine Janis: leave your vape pen at home Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: don't touch me Jimmy: or my nonexistent vape pen Janis: not planning on it Janis: school trips are ample molestation time all 'round but me and Mr Lucas got other 🎯 Jimmy: what is the plan then? Jimmy: be 💔 to cockblock you and him and that's your thing more than mine Janis: you've come to me with no plan? Janis: 'course Janis: right, who's in your room? Jimmy: if you can't do it you ain't the girl for me Jimmy: and if you are, I ain't gonna tell you how to work Jimmy: Dunno, man bun, deepest of v neck t-shirts? Jimmy: probably does vape Janis: yeah, dead considerate, I buy it Janis: not bad description though, if you're a police informant, you're giving the game away Janis: later, message me when he's got his mates in your room, yeah Janis: step 1 Jimmy: 👌 💰 Jimmy: I'm 45 and faking being a real boy, the 😎 hide my crows feet Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [when you 😏 irl] Janis: explains the whole look, really Jimmy: [likewise cos she's funny too] Jimmy: save it for the break up, sweetheart Janis: rest assured, just 'cos you're new doesn't mean I've not got enough insults for you to spare Jimmy: that'll be why I asked you Jimmy: all in for that 👅 baby, sharper the better Janis: obviously Janis: not like I'm the only bitch who wouldn't take this as a 💍 Jimmy: 🤞 Mr Lucas has picked one out for you Jimmy: 👰🎊💕 Janis: 😩😩😩 Janis: don't get my hopes up Jimmy: my bad, mate Jimmy: You want me to give him a nudge? Only take the one screenshot, I'm sure Janis: idk if he swings both ways Janis: or that a 🍆📸 is gonna help my case Janis: but cheers, mate Jimmy: give him a bit to get to know me Jimmy: and appreciate my many talents Jimmy: be alright Janis: defs what they had in mind for the group bonding sesh Jimmy: bit rude to skip it then, like Janis: who are you to deny the world of your 'talents' Janis: I feel a migraine coming on though Jimmy: with a head that big it's gonna be a killer Janis: 🤞 Janis: I'll need all afternoon Jimmy: 🙏🏻 for you, my dear Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [a dramatic 😑 deadpan] Jimmy: [he's just like 😏 of course] Jimmy: the dickheads are about Janis: alright Janis: get ready to answer the door Janis: [idea is she shows up so whoever the f was in her room at the time knows she's gone somewhere (and they nosy af so they'll be ON IT) and then these lads will see them go off together and thus the rumour-mill can do it's thing without them having to do more than go and hide and smoke somewhere for a hot sec] Jimmy: if you're gonna be naked give me a heads up to be 😍 not 😑 Jimmy: whatever the rumour mill reckons I weren't on that teen soap Janis: alright, hollyoaks Janis: the accent and the IQ, not any of the emotional range Janis: subtly is your friend even if I ain't, nothing makes them lose their shit more Jimmy: maybe you do have something going on behind them 👀 Janis: save the 'compliments' for when you 'reckon they're just out of earshot, boy Jimmy: save the bossiness for when Mr Lucas wifes you Janis: you're the one that said you weren't gonna tell me how to work Janis: so fuck up if you want my face to be anything but not at your door Jimmy: you're working them not me Jimmy: so crack on Janis: pick up a hoodie or a jacket yeah Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: what's your colour? Janis: right, so you aren't a total amateur Janis: ⬛️ works 😎 boy Jimmy: It's how we woo girls in the freezing cold north Janis: try not to freeze yourself 'cos naturally you can't have it back 'til this shitshow is over Jimmy: are you dyslexic? I just said 💪 Janis: believe that when I see it Janis: [shows up] Jimmy: [off you go 'sneakily' haha] Janis: [she's 100% in a shortie PJs moment for the added scandal of it all 'cos unlike the rest she hasn't bought all the LEWKS to this trip honey, hence the need for the hoodie] Jimmy: [don't check her out too much boy cos we know that's actually a look and you wanna] Janis: [avoid the teachers on the way out but get caught on the way in, 'cos no one ever gets in proper trouble on school trips 'cos they cba but again, gets people shooketh] Jimmy: [such a mood, unrelated but I once mooned on a school trip] Janis: [just walking in casual silence right now] Jimmy: [literally not gonna say a word this whole time lbr] Janis: [suits both of you, just be somewhere they can't be peeping] Jimmy: [you know he's 🚬 because always, casually retrieved from behind his ear because #mood] Janis: [just stealing it 'cos what else are you gonna do frankly] Jimmy: [giving her a look like oi and stealing it back cos likewise] Janis: [when you're just snatching lmao, 'YOU owe ME, dickhead, so consider your debt repaid' 😏] Jimmy: [lights a new one for her and gives her it like aim higher because shady bitch and also that's a habit from day 1] Janis: [raises it like cheers] Jimmy: [tips a hat he doesn't have on] Janis: [the 🙄 but we know you sneaky amused] Jimmy: [gotta give them back because its what they always do] Janis: [gestures like gimme your phone] Jimmy: [does without a second thought which makes me die] Janis: [lucky she's not being a dick with it, takes a cute/vaguely sexy pic in his hoodie and saves her number handing it back with a shrug like now you can brag as much as you do or don't wanna 'cos how boys do] Jimmy: [sends her a text which is literally just '😍' so she has his] Janis: [sends back a '🖕'] Jimmy: [sends back '💔'] Janis: ['😂'] Jimmy: [when you gesture at her to come here so you can take a pic together because she needs something in her phone too in case of nosy bitches] Janis: [does, obvs, start as you mean to go on lads] Jimmy: [casual photo session] Janis: [you know grace is blowing her phone up like WHERE HAVE YOU GONE rn] Jimmy: [the truest thing, hold on honey, they're busy] Jimmy: [he'd give her a bemused look cos miss popular is not the mood he expected but like also he knows the plan is working so can't complain] Janis: [the face you'd make 'cos it looks like you're just bffs with her and not related like omg no] Jimmy: [it'd make him lol he wouldn't be able to help it] Janis: [just scowling in that last pic] Jimmy: [casually his fave out of all the pics] Janis: [the temptation to send one to her just to shut her up but that'd be too easy so you gotta make her work for it lol] Jimmy: [you'll have so much time to shut everyone up, hang in there kids] Janis: [for now enjoy the literal irl silence] Jimmy: [it would be so nice cos his roommate would be as annoying and loud] Janis: [I legit thought you were describing Ollie so #real when your fam is just too much] Jimmy: [#confirmed and whatever girlfriend he has currently should be on the trip too so it's even more annoying to share] Janis: [fun and games, defs kicking grace out so you can 'get it on' 'cos she'll be fuming, everyone coupled] Jimmy: [we simply must] Jimmy: [she'd have to throw herself at some random trip lad so as not to be entirely left out which is not a mood] Janis: [can only imagine the quality gurl no] Jimmy: [honestly, don't even bother but we know she will] Janis: [god bless, also you can probably start heading back lads] Jimmy: [take a second to imagine the kiss when he walks her back, like enjoy everyone but also you two shamelessly] Janis: could've warned me, prick Jimmy: so you're the amateur then? Jimmy: could've warned me of that Janis: fuck off Janis: was following the 'don't touch me' rule Jimmy: you never said I couldn't touch you Janis: 'cos it's a given Janis: whatever Janis: it worked Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: you don't think? Jimmy: you that confident? Janis: i get it, lads ain't AS hysterical as girls are Janis: usually Janis: these headphones aren't as noise-canceling as they promised Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: not for you, but as far as the plan Janis: you're welcome Jimmy: not for long Jimmy: exile, remember Janis: ain't got a spare room I can magic out my arse for you Jimmy: I get it, we ain't back at your mansion now Jimmy: it's alright, rich girl, no hard feelings Janis: 😢 some more, pussyole Janis: you wanna swap beds? Jimmy: you want that rep this soon? Jimmy: I've had a few less than 🥇 nights with northern lasses but nowt worth crying about Janis: you can spare me the details if you want an invite Janis: the idea is to be less annoying than this lot Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: hope you don't think i'm doing this work for free Janis: they reckon we're having such a scintillating conversation rn, again, welcome Jimmy: what you don't love an emoji standoff? Janis: 😍 Janis: of course Jimmy: if you need me to make you 😳 that's one of my talents Janis: sure Janis: that shit don't work on me Jimmy: sure Jimmy: you're well special, you Jimmy: a proper ❄ Janis: if you like Janis: or you ain't as special as you've been led to believe but either or Jimmy: the idea is to be less annoying than this lot, in your own words Janis: if you think i'm the type to take the higher ground whilst you continue to be a dickhead, you got the wrong bitch Jimmy: If you think this is me being a dickhead, you've got the wrong northern new boy Janis: scary Janis: is this the part where i cream myself? Jimmy: You can't kiss and you scare too easily Jimmy: is there owt else I gotta be warned about? Janis: you couldn't make a 🐷😳 Jimmy: you've got body issues an' all ✔ Jimmy: what diet are you on, I'll try and look interested Janis: wrong sister Janis: pass on your deets Jimmy: Tah Janis: have fun Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [skip to after am activities which they slayed as a #team] Janis: tah for not dragging me down too much Jimmy: I were about to say the same thing to you, girl Jimmy: 💕 Janis: wow, so in-synch Janis: what am I thinking rn Jimmy: it'd make a 🐷😳 Janis: [when you barely hold back that lol] Janis: oh well Janis: 💕 whilst it lasted babe Jimmy: fuck it, I'm still pretty Jimmy: 🧠 off for a bit Janis: sound like a delusional single ma Janis: you'll bounce back, karen, you still got it Jimmy: that'll be 'cause I am Jimmy: two kids and no man Janis: 💔 Janis: make the most of this you time Jimmy: on it Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 🙌📣👏🏆 Jimmy: living laughing loving Jimmy: all in this one morning Janis: break out the pink gin and prosecco babes Jimmy: It's a #date Janis: the lack of booze on this trip is shocking Janis: someone's got to have something Jimmy: meant to be what you paddys are known for Jimmy: sort it out, the lot of yous Janis: if I find the goods, I won't share 💕 Jimmy: actually 💔 Jimmy: I'll sneak off and find my own then Jimmy: gotta be a pub somewhere Janis: you reckon you're getting free Jimmy: why not? Janis: 😎 not ninja Jimmy: I'll send you a selfie once I've had a few Jimmy: proof'll be in the pint Janis: fuck off are you going without Jimmy: you reckon you're coming with? piss off Janis: i won't need to chat to you when we get there Janis: if Jimmy: you don't need to chat to me now but on you go Janis: this ain't talking Janis: and you can't stop me Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: you'll get over it Janis: dry your eyes Jimmy: You'll get over staying here Janis: fuck off, you don't even know where we are Jimmy: I've got a 📱 knobhead Jimmy: [waves it at her IRL] Janis: call a hotline to 😢🍆👌 it out Jimmy: phone a friend to take you to the pub Jimmy: I'll see you there Janis: I can go myself, dickwad Janis: 🤞 we don't pick the same one Jimmy: I'll avoid anywhere called the Blushing Pig Jimmy: know it's your local Janis: you'll wanna avoid anywhere too local with that accent Jimmy: I ain't scared, leave that to you, like Janis: piss off Jimmy: the plan's that, yeah Janis: okay, try this one, shut up Jimmy: this ain't talking Jimmy: what happened to that? Janis: i make the rules Janis: it's talking when i want you to not Jimmy: 😍🤤😍 Janis: 🙄 Janis: laters then Jimmy: in a bit Janis: ✌ flip reverse that Jimmy: [nearly lols] Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 💕 Jimmy: went from hot to cute well quick Janis: yeah, not the only one with talents Jimmy: I might believe you when I see any Janis: I were about to say the same thing to you, boy Jimmy: I got in there first, girl Jimmy: what are you gonna do? Janis: fact remains, no blushes, just bullshit Janis: and to get to the pub? Janis: not helping you, amateur Jimmy: [sends her some real saucy shit use your imagination cos we know I don't have skills] Jimmy: To hide your blush or top that Janis: [when you have to make a face of disgust so it ain't straight up 😳] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [at least her going out for a run would not be weird if the teachers asked] Jimmy: [run baby run] Janis: [jump that fence, you're defs getting into trouble after the hols, starting the new term off well before finishing this one] Jimmy: [start as you mean to go on, everyone will be scandalised] Janis: [just ignoring each other lmao] Jimmy: [good luck with that] Janis: did you get lost Jimmy: did you pull a muscle? Janis: I'm 💪 Jimmy: no proof, just chat Janis: proof is how far behind you're lagging Jimmy: Piss off Janis: aw baby Jimmy: save your sweet talk, Judith Jimmy: you might need the practice but I don't need to hear it Janis: gotta concentrate on your 🗺 Janis: only so much 🧠 power a Northern boys got Jimmy: congrats on being a native, mate Janis: ain't that hard Janis: one main road Jimmy: I'll drop you in my old home town and you can let me know how well you crack on Janis: alright Janis: piss easy Jimmy: 👌 Janis: can't be much worse than here Jimmy: can be your own judge Janis: generous Jimmy: I ain't buying you a pint Jimmy: stop flirting with me Janis: I'll get someone of age to do that Janis: tah Jimmy: 🧠 and 🍀 Janis: just tits Janis: don't feel too bad Jimmy: I feel bad for you if you're banking on that Janis: 10 feminist points for you, pop up a status #ally Jimmy: I meant 'cause your sister's are better but alright Janis: didn't see her hauling her arse over no fence but alright Jimmy: nobody asked her, that'll be why Jimmy: must be politer than you an' all Janis: find your way back and shag her then, like Jimmy: If I fancied that I wouldn't be here Jimmy: but tah for giving us your blessing Janis: got more chance that than getting a drink Jimmy: take that 🍻 chance still Janis: tits aren't that good then Jimmy: To cancel out the lass attached she'd need them🥇 Jimmy: I'm new, but that don't mean I ain't got a single clue about nowt Janis: so made up you've seen a boob, mate Jimmy: me too, like Janis: 👌 Janis: [sends picture of drink like mission accomplished] Jimmy: 👏 Jimmy: you should post that somewhere you can actually brag Janis: tah for the suggestion Janis: wait 'til I'm finished Janis: Lucas don't need my location Jimmy: How else is he meant to propose? Jimmy: 💔 for him Janis: you wanna 💔 him when I get caught cheating Jimmy: he's 💕 I'm just here to make you 😳 Janis: not talking about you, you ain't here Jimmy: not talking to me either, this don't count Janis: too right Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be thinking up #s for me if you've got the brain space Jimmy: How much you gonna pay me, rich girl? Janis: get you a pint if you ever make it Jimmy: [struts in] Jimmy: Go on then Janis: [gets the lad to get 'em all a drink in, sure he is thrilled lmao] Jimmy: [#cockblocked] Janis: 👏 on not dying Jimmy: might do on the way back Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 🎻 Jimmy: wouldn't be a tragedy to miss more team building Janis: I don't wanna give you cpr Jimmy: don't bring it up then Jimmy: I never asked Janis: I don't care Janis: not catching a case 'cos you're suicidal Jimmy: I get it, you need the practice for that an' all Janis: I get it, you're a dick Jimmy: Is there owt you can do on the first try? Janis: none of your business Jimmy: no then Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't know me Janis: and you don't need to Jimmy: 👌❄ Jimmy: I don't want to Janis: sure Janis: so don't ask Jimmy: It weren't a real question, more of a dig Janis: like I said, I get it Janis: real edgy stuff Jimmy: whatever big head, you know things Jimmy: I got that myself ages ago Janis: yeah, you're dead convincing, hollyoaks Jimmy: I wouldn't bother auditioning if I were you Jimmy: they really care about tits Janis: you're fooled Janis: but thanks for the advice Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [when your phone's going off 'cos only so long before they'd be obligated to call the police lol but they'd try to get contact first, massive 🙄] Janis: drink up, newbie Jimmy: no chance, I just got here Janis: you wanna be dragged out by a teacher Janis: that'll look well 😎 Jimmy: If it's Mr Lucas Jimmy: 😍🤤😍 Janis: [short lol like ha] Janis: alright then, enjoy Janis: [going out with the dude] Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [after a period] Janis: I'll tell 'em where to find you then, shall I? Jimmy: such a romantic, you Janis: well it ain't gonna look very #goals but that's your choice Jimmy: Thought you were making the rules Janis: I ain't gonna drag you out, nice try perv Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: do whatever the fuck you are gonna do then, Jennifer Janis: 🙄 omg get out Janis: take the glass with you if you're aiming for impressive here Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what are you trying to achieve Jimmy: We've done this bit, don't know each other, don't want to, ring any bells? Jimmy: and it should be obvious for a 🧠 like yours Janis: you want to get them to leave you alone, sure Janis: so you don't need to cause this scene Jimmy: Do you wanna be here? Janis: I didn't come for no reason Janis: but I don't need the garda called on me Jimmy: I came here for my dad's bollocks reasons Jimmy: so maybe I do Janis: alright Janis: I'll say I ain't seen you then Janis: if that's what you want Jimmy: that won't look right Jimmy: we're meant to be love's young dream Janis: right Janis: so we've really gotta bonnie and clyde it? Jimmy: I'll find another way to fuck him over Jimmy: without dragging you down into it Janis: cheers Janis: consider it an IOU, yeah Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: we should've taken more pictures Janis: I've text my sister, now they know we're not actually runaways/kidnapped/other, we can at least take our time before the bollocking Janis: get another drink if you want Jimmy: I don't have a 🔪 in my pocket everyone Jimmy: figure it out Janis: just pleased to see me, yeah Janis: good one Jimmy: 💀 pact's tomorrow Jimmy: and we're obviously using poison Janis: obviously, the ⛵ lake isn't deep enough to walk into the middle of Jimmy: and I don't have rocks in my pocket either Jimmy: they ain't that deep Janis: 💔💰 poor boy, right? Jimmy: Yep Jimmy: 🎻😭🎻 Janis: gutting Janis: I'll bring the poison then Jimmy: Tah Jimmy: I'll bring the 🥧 for you to poison Janis: it's for credit, by the way Jimmy: 👌 Janis: somehow shitter than I imagined still Jimmy: 💔 Janis: yeah yeah Janis: you got a 🚬? Jimmy: only thing actually in my pockets Janis: don't need an inventory can I have one Jimmy: If you come here Janis: so bloody awkward Jimmy: I don't get credit for exercising, mate Janis: 🙄 yeah cheers for the training Janis: [comes in though] Jimmy: [waves because cheeky little shit] Janis: [😑 just puts her hands out like tah] Jimmy: I said, come here Janis: [stomps closer like boy] Jimmy: [pulls her closer to him because 1. that bitch and 2. selfie opportunities shouldn't be ignored 3. shameless] Janis: [when you go hard for the selfies but then you push him back like oi] Jimmy: [when you likewise go hard for the selfies but then shrug and walk out knowing she'll follow you for that 🚬] Janis: you're so stupid Jimmy: *northern Janis: if you wanna do your people like that Janis: I'm just talking 'bout you Jimmy: We all understand what come here means Jimmy: my stupid dog just about does an' all Janis: fuck off Jimmy: Do you want a 🚬 or not? Janis: I did, you heard me Jimmy: Come on then Janis: [comes out but starts walking gesturing like let's go] Jimmy: [lights one for her and holds it out cos always] Janis: [takes it in silence] Jimmy: [walking and 🚬 in silence as is their standard] Janis: they better go easy on you 'cos you're a new kid and by proxy, me Jimmy: I'll play the 🎻🎻s loud Jimmy: it'll be alright Janis: yeah Janis: long as my parents don't find out and try to fuck with my holiday, give a fuck Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: like you wanna be grounded for 3 weeks Jimmy: like that'd be his choice of punishment Janis: lucky you Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: poor you Janis: mhmm Jimmy: [is just 😒 but when is that not his face tbh] Janis: [so not gonna notice really] Jimmy: [deafening silence is also not a clue] Janis: don't snitch on me and I won't snitch on you Jimmy: 👍 Janis: later then Janis: [bolts 'cos awkward] Jimmy: [meanwhile he's taking his sweet time and we all know it] Janis: [the very next day, room cleaning duty 'cos you've been bad eggs] Jimmy: here's your chance to see if anyone has anything to drink Janis: true Janis: I'll do Dan and Jake's room then, that's where my money is Jimmy: 💕 and 🍀 girl Janis: godspeed Janis: 📸 anything good Jimmy: What kind of bollocks paddy punishment is this? Jimmy: barely started and I've got 🚬s and 💸 Janis: they ain't the sharpest Janis: plus they're terrified we'll turn around and say they went full on abuse of power away from school property Jimmy: You should let me in your room Janis: I ain't got nothing to steal, have at my sister's shit Janis: but seriously, they realise they've left us alone rn, dopes Jimmy: Later, dickhead Jimmy: when your sister is about Janis: twincest ain't the one Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Jack would disagree, clearly Janis: [retro pornmag moment] Janis: guess he knew the signal would be shit, clever boy Jimmy: can't be that clever if he ain't getting any off the page Janis: neither are you, like Jimmy: You're rocking my world, baby Jimmy: don't insult yourself Janis: 😏 Janis: right Jimmy: [a picture of some prescription pills] Jimmy: want these? Janis: won't even take offense to that implication Janis: go on Jimmy: 👌 Janis: You should come then Janis: later Jimmy: I don't wanna do drugs with you, Jodie Jimmy: it weren't the idea Janis: I get the idea, moron Janis: I'm saying yeah, probably should Jimmy: Alright Janis: these kids are idiots Janis: why have they bought half this shit Jimmy: not all of them, I just found your sister's friend's binge stash 🍫🍪🍬 Jimmy: won't be starving in a bit Janis: that's evil Janis: someone'll die if she don't get her cals Janis: 🤞 it's grace Jimmy: 😈 me Jimmy: come and get a 🍪 Janis: not your stupid dog Jimmy: she follows instructions 50% of the time Janis: 🖕 Janis: maybe if you were a better trainer Jimmy: more for me 💕 Janis: you enjoy, I'm busy Jimmy: I get it, it's decent porn Janis: that's it 🙄😂 Janis: but you've put me off now, twat Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: 🍀 I'm coming over later then Janis: obviously Janis: how morally dubious is it to put Kieran's missus' bra in say Janis: Leon's bed Janis: asking for a friend Jimmy: I'd reckon you were morally obligated Jimmy: answering for everyone Janis: 😇 me Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Pouring water in Brian's bed is gonna be my good deed for the day Janis: 🙏 Jimmy: Could've got into Catholic school well easily, me Janis: missed a trick Janis: you'd have loved it 📏😩 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: that is a username and a half Jimmy: Wait til you have a scroll, mate Jimmy: you'll be 😍🤤 Janis: 🍀 I don't need the sugar Jimmy: he ain't got the 💰 to be that kinda daddy Jimmy: and you ain't got step mum in you Janis: fuck you Janis: just 'cos you don't want that for you Jimmy: 'Cause you just said you're 😇 Jimmy: gotta be evil, knobhead Janis: suspect Janis: why you being almost nice Janis: you wanna share the swag I found Jimmy: #duh Janis: depends Janis: you eat all the 🍪s Jimmy: I'm only one lad Jimmy: there's fucking 1000s Janis: part-timer Janis: yeti could do it in five minutes Jimmy: you're the 😳🐷 Jimmy: but challenge accepted Janis: why you trying to give me an eating disorder Janis: you've already tampered with one bitch's today, like Janis: is it your thing? Jimmy: Why ain't you already got one? Jimmy: looks like most of the lasses at school have Janis: No I don't Janis: I'm not an idiot Jimmy: Sounds like something a lass with an eating disorder would say but alright Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: I'm going for a 🚬 Jimmy: cover me Janis: sure Janis: diligent as Jimmy: or come with Jimmy: if you want Janis: depends Janis: you giving me a 🚬 to stay skinny Jimmy: No need Janis: make your mind up Jimmy: I've never said you're fat Janis: bullshit! 😂 Janis: at least try to keep up with what you're dishing out Jimmy: I can't keep up with what ain't there Janis: the pig emoji is straight-up still on my screen, boy Jimmy: 🧠 and 😳 Janis: 😏 sure Jimmy: don't come then, girl Janis: shut up Janis: I want one Jimmy: Who's the biggest dickhead? We'll go in their room for it Janis: 🤔 Janis: 11 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: race you Janis: big mistake Jimmy: [obviously beats her but only because he was halfway there when he said they should race #sneaky] Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: [just fuming 😒] Jimmy: [😏 shamelessly and lounging on the bed of whoever the hell's room this is] Janis: ['cheater' and sitting on the floor] Jimmy: [throws a pillow at her like oi even though he is but also so she can sit on it if she want #softboy] Janis: [just looking at him like I don't want a pillow] Jimmy: ['reckoned you might need one after being such a sore loser' shrugs and throws some 🍬s from the stash he's pocketed her way instead] Janis: ['don't get sore that easy, boy' popping one in her mouth and throwing whatever spoils she found into the middle] Jimmy: [lighting up x2 first for her and then him and then lying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling, bit rude that you haven't looked at what she brought boy] Janis: [takes it but is just ashing it on the floor] Jimmy: [blowing smoke rings at this random kid's ceiling casually] Janis: [just on your phone like] Jimmy: [when you lowkey are trying not to fall asleep because blatantly on his phone all night to Bobby 'cause he was left with Ian] Janis: [allowing it 'cos no need to be that much of a dick, like] Jimmy: [accidentally doing that OTT dramatic jerking yourself awake thing after a bit, which there's no styling out] Janis: [lil 😏 'don't set the gaff alight, too far'] Jimmy: ['if that's where you draw the line, babe'] Janis: ['save the big stuff for the death pact end times'] Jimmy: [does a IRL 👍] Janis: ['he keep you up?'] Jimmy: [when you nod automatically but obviously who you mean isn't who she means but you can't then be like actually no] Janis: [shakes her head like dickhead but kinda fondly 'cos doesn't hate Ollie] Jimmy: [when he doesn't know they are related still so amused] Janis: [just looking like you have a crush lmao] Jimmy: [lighting another 🚬 you don't need immediately after you've put the 1st one out in this room cos you don't wanna leave] Janis: [hopping up onto the bed to look through the shit he found 'cos no rush to go back to cleaning or being with the rest either] Jimmy: [sneaky looking at her while she's looking at the things] Janis: [oh duh, she should have the holy grail in a backpack 'cos someone had to have some booze even if it's just cans or shitty alcohpops, get that out like now it's a #haul] Jimmy: [yasss get #day drunk kids, well not really because there wouldn't be enough but still, have at it] Janis: [just putting one on his chest like a bottle for a baby lmao] Jimmy: [a little lol] Janis: 💕🍺 Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: ['Slainte'] Jimmy: [downs the drink cos the only thing to do when its shit] Janis: [the same] Jimmy: [eating all those sweet treats and necking all that booze having a lovely time] Janis: [get some energy boo] Jimmy: [being #goals together on the low] Janis: [selfie moment] Jimmy: [as always going harder than you need to] Janis: [gotta make people think you used your time wisely] Jimmy: [voting for the first ever love bite to happen rn] Janis: fuckin' vampire Jimmy: subtlety ain't always the way to get top marks Janis: alright 🤓 Janis: but if I die in a freak hickey accident, like they write about to scare bitches, you have to pretend to be devastated at my funeral Jimmy: you'll live, dry your eyes and wipe your mouth, like Janis: you with the blood, dickwad Jimmy: you with the 🍫, baby Janis: 😑 Janis: [but has to check] Jimmy: told you Jimmy: it weren't a pisstake Janis: you are Jimmy: 💔 Janis: could've at least wiped it off for me Janis: make it work Jimmy: I know how much you ain't about being touched Jimmy: I am making it work Janis: don't be a pussy Janis: [points at the love bite like duh] Jimmy: [shamelessly touches it while giving her a look] Janis: [when you just have to be like not phased face 'cos competitive] Jimmy: [when you have to do another even better one as a result cos #same] Janis: [giving him an ear one 'cos gotta one up the situ otherwise why are you doing this boys, we know why] Jimmy: [when you're so into it you have to be like ow to hide how into it you are] Janis: [🙄 but checks it sneaky like] Jimmy: [🙄 back cos what else can he do] Janis: you'll live Jimmy: leave it out Janis: you said it first Jimmy: you were 😢 first Janis: you're louder Janis: how much more trouble are you gonna get me in? Jimmy: how much more trouble do you wanna be in? Janis: [a LOOK] Jimmy: [gotta return it of course] Janis: [need to hear people coming for the cockblock] Jimmy: [I was just about to say that] Janis: [better get outta this randos room sharpish] Jimmy: [when you can take her hand to run off cos you can play it off like in case someone sees us if she was like excuse you] Janis: [not gonna fight it though 'cos you can just say you were on the level] Jimmy: [we all know what's up] Janis: [are they going to her room or separate?] Jimmy: [good question, do you wanna do any afternoon awkwardness before that?] Janis: [we could do another lunch moment and see if we have any ideas] Jimmy: [I'm down to give them a fake coupley af lunch] Janis: [go cause a commotion honeys] Jimmy: [everyone would be so extra about their everything, I can't] Janis: [it'd be amusing af] Jimmy: [be a cliche and carry her food for her for a start boy] Janis: [sit at a table with like some people but only have eyes for each other, duh] Jimmy: [and they should whisper a lot cos it looks saucy but really they could be saying anything and are probably shading y'all] Janis: [deffo, as well as sharing food like you probably have the same shit on your plates there's 0 need] Jimmy: [#thosecouples at least they are being OTT on purpose like] Janis: [exactly, also everyone has peeped those love bites 'cos they were such a big deal when school like people would be wearing scarves like oh no don't look aha] Jimmy: [Grace about to stab herself with a fork, oh honey just wait til you get kicked out of your room later] Janis: [you gonna be heated and your friends are just gonna be at the door like 👂] Jimmy: [literally she is gonna angry cry and we all know it bitch] Janis: [you know there would've been convos this whole time, we should probably do that] Jimmy: [we totally can] Jimmy: [also he's totally slipping in some actual flirtiness with the whispers and we know it's not just to make her 😳 bye] Janis: [just angrily whispering back like imma fuck you up boy] Jimmy: [like she's not a white ginger where its gonna be that obvious nobody's checking you can calm down Jimothy, you're already also touching her way more than you need to for your own benefit] Janis: [gotta hit him with a footsie moment 'cos there's still nothing more obvious than when you're being faux subtle] Jimmy: [love that for them] Janis: [like you can't be too cray there are teachers in here lmao] Jimmy: [thank god, any actual PDA and Grace would die] Janis: [can have a moment on the way out to your activity try and stop 'em] Jimmy: [they want it as much as their audience does so sorry Mr Lucas you're outvoted, like] Janis: [when i went to camp mary and her mans were so extra at the end they got awarded camp's romeo and juliet so like as long as it keep pg 13 you're alright tbh and he loves it] Jimmy: [god bless] Janis: [okay trust falls and blindfold assault course moment for the afternoon] Jimmy: [lowkey having fun even though you're meant to be hating it] Janis: [when she'd be freaking out to him on the low like don't fucking drop me bitch 'cos trust issues but you gotta be #goals so he won't] Jimmy: [we know he'd piss about but it's actually fine, he can and will piggyback you in the future babe, he's got this] Jimmy: [#trustissuessquad because likewise would not enjoy that bit] Janis: [poor grace bouta die on the other hand, like courteney let ellie drop and she still doesn't trust her lmao] Janis: [good for tryna get attention like friends help me i'm hurt] Jimmy: [Grace would be living for that drama and also she gonna fuck that boy later so payback for you boy getting put in some vulnerable positions lol] ] Jimmy: [also she can cry off like oh I'm so injured so she don't have to watch the JJ show for a bit] Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Janis: sure there's a defrosting pack of peas going if you want the job Janis: not as popular as she'd like to believe Jimmy: You're alright Jimmy: and so's she Janis: never how I'd put it, but no shit on that point regardless Jimmy: hang on, just gonna @ my dad to prove that my little brother ain't the biggest cry baby going Jimmy: She's 🥇 and you're 🥈 Janis: funny Janis: when I have him over for dinner he can see for himself Jimmy: Funnier Janis: i know Janis: not your fault you're 🥉 Jimmy: Reckons the lass who can't do owt first go Janis: the boy who still reckons he knows anything about me when we've been over this Jimmy: You nearly took my 👂 off earlier but I've still got both 👀 mate Janis: if i knew we were aiming to maim, you wouldn't have Janis: still got a 👄 you chat 💩 out of too, unfortunately Jimmy: [when you're trying not to lol] Jimmy: lovely you Janis: [😏] Janis: it's been said Jimmy: I get it, you've got form with the maiming, loads of blind and deaf lads about now Jimmy: Tah for letting me off so light 💕 Janis: well it ain't real, so only fair Jimmy: now I know you're a lass who plays fair Janis: you'd have different bruises to prove otherwise Janis: join her on sick bay 🤕🥴 Jimmy: 😍🤤😍 Jimmy: You've gotta stop flirting with me, girl Janis: you'd know that too Janis: if I were Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: [throws a 🍬 at her in full view of the bitch he stole them off] Janis: [good thing you ain't concerned about making friends/can catch, just smiling at her like cheers babe] Janis: you feeling left out? Janis: you gotta make a girl 😢 now, yeah Jimmy: Gotta give myself a break from that 👄 of yours Janis: shh Janis: don't say that out loud Jimmy: don't screenshot me and the secret's safe Jimmy: or wait until I say something about exercising your jaw for later and then hit post Janis: 😂 Janis: grim Janis: and unlikely humblebrag Jimmy: There, made a lass cry laugh, that'll do Janis: Soph can consider herself safe Janis: and welcome I took the hit Jimmy: 😇 you Jimmy: I remember Janis: someone's gotta Janis: so unappreciated Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Gimme a sec to find signal enough to tweet it Janis: gotta clue in all your fans that couldn't be here Jimmy: [does do some suitably cringey tweet of course] Janis: 😏 how you still expect to get laid after this holy show is beyond me Jimmy: I don't #duh Jimmy: transferring to that Catholic school as soon as, obviously Janis: they're the worst for it Janis: just say sorry afterward Jimmy: Everyone knows anal don't count, Judith Jimmy: do it for Jesus Janis: 'less it's with another lad, sodomite Jimmy: That'll be why Mr Lucas is my plan B Janis: yeah well, fight yer for him Jimmy: 💪🏆 Go on Janis: [just looking at him like really tho] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [play fight moment] Jimmy: [so flirty, get a room you two, she should win though obvs because he cheated on that race earlier] Janis: time to get some 📿 Janis: 👋😘 Jimmy: You ain't getting shot of me that easy, babe Jimmy: Letting you win 'cause of how unappreciated you feel counts about as much as this counts as talking, like Janis: yeah right, whatever makes you feel better, loser Jimmy: Take your hollow victory 😘 Janis: I can beat you at anything Janis: any time, anywhere Jimmy: when it's #fakeforfake Janis: convenient for you, that Jimmy: nowt about this is Janis: 🎻 Janis: take your 👑 crybaby Jimmy: No tah, I'd have to touch your sister to get it Janis: she is a lot like that dragon in shrek Janis: fair Jimmy: 😂 Janis: she'll find the right donkey one day, I'm sure 💕 Jimmy: could save me a bit in 🚬 if she were blowing smoke about Janis: there's one pro Janis: you never talk so she could blather on as much as she likes Jimmy: I talk, just not to you Janis: and no one else here Janis: least of all her, so still counts, don't fight it Jimmy: I'd have to save all my strength to keep her off me Janis: you really saving yourself for marriage, yeah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: that's a con, damn Janis: really thought I could get rid of her once and for all Jimmy: don't pretend she ain't the 👰💍 type Janis: obvs, but a massive slag, no child of the lord there Janis: allegedly my fathers Jimmy: My ex was a massive slag an' all Jimmy: I'll make it work Janis: great Janis: get on it then Jimmy: 💕 Janis: if you could move again and take her with, that'd be perfect Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: No need to wait that long for your real happy ending then Jimmy: were a bit rude how you've been such a tease about the 💀💀 pact but alright Janis: you'll do yourself in after a few months, max Janis: hmu then Jimmy: as a 👻 Jimmy: least I won't have to touch you and you can't me Janis: weren't planning on it wanker but exactly Janis: everyone gets to win Janis: she's the 🕷⚰ type Janis: love an excuse to cry forever Jimmy: might get her with my dad instead Jimmy: move over mate Janis: and I'm the one who can't follow instructions? 😑 Janis: stick to the plan Jimmy: plans change Jimmy: leave the crying to her Janis: just don't understand why you won't die for me tbh Jimmy: Not as 🧠 as you made out, eh Juliet? 💔 proper tragedy that Janis: it's your fault, you don't stick to your word ever Janis: nothing to do with me Jimmy: Nowt to do with you is right Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: How long is this bollocks gonna go on? I don't need to know how to build a raft Jimmy: or give a fuck if the 🦊 has 🐔 for his tea Janis: how you planning to navigate that sea of 😭 then? Janis: more practical than a maths lesson at any rate Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: you're uninvited for a 🚬 Janis: fine, drama queen Jimmy: in a bit 🤓 Janis: just 'cos you can't keep up Jimmy: just 'cause you're working on commission Jimmy: hmu when you need art for your 'more practical than a maths lesson' poster Janis: that's your thing then Janis: makes sense Janis: had to be one of the two Jimmy: 👍 Janis: at least you won't be bringing out the acoustic around the firepit tonight Janis: small blessings Jimmy: only bring the 🎻🎻 me Janis: ha Janis: cute Jimmy: tweet it if you mean it, girl 💕 Janis: k, if you like Jimmy: I'll give it a like, yeah Janis: not even a retweet, cold Janis: do you want them to buy this or nah Jimmy: can't retweet my own praises Jimmy: wouldn't be #goals Janis: oh right, we're ignoring your giant head Janis: fair 'nuff Jimmy: Nobody likes a bighead, you should know, mate Janis: dunno what you mean Janis: everyone loves me Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you ain't being on my raft team, FYI Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: I know Janis: drown on your own time, I gotta win Jimmy: I'll already be in sick bay after how #savage that jab was Janis: almost as bad at faking it as her Jimmy: you being the only one that reckons so isn't gonna make me 😭 Janis: awh, but everything else does Jimmy: #whensheknowsyouproperwell 💕 Janis: it's true love 💕 Janis: as far as any of these idiots are aware Jimmy: 😍😍😍🤞😍😍 Janis: alright, this is boring now Janis: no one needs this health and safety bullshit Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: wouldn't have 💀💀💀d you to nod when I first said it Jimmy: 'Cause yeah, that'll be why I'm staying here 🚬 tah Janis: you wanna start agreeing on everything now Janis: not pretending we're married Jimmy: Tah again, this time for admitting I'm right about everything Jimmy: I was just talking about the once but alright Janis: you never said it was boring, technically Janis: and I never said that, get lost Jimmy: I might be lost 🤞 Janis: deep Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: geographically, dickhead Janis: how 😂 Jimmy: can't be lost if I know Janis: I mean, this place is not that big Janis: and signposted to fuck, where've you even gone, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: v helpful my dear Janis: soz I didn't put a chip in your neck whilst you were gnawing on mine Jimmy: It's alright, I know you can't do owt right, forget two things at once Janis: fuck off Janis: stay lost Jimmy: have done and will do Janis: 👍 Jimmy: haunt you later then Janis: not that long since lunch Janis: you'll survive until one of the teachers finds you Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: I'll pray for Mr Lucas obvs Jimmy: probably get Ms O'Brien Jimmy: actually 💔 Janis: you know he's already in the water Janis: if he could get away with speedos, he would, whereas her turtleneck could not be higher Janis: unlucky Jimmy: 👙 on him and 🥔 sack on her Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: be why you ain't coming to my rescue Janis: 😏 Janis: obviously Janis: fine, hang on Jimmy: it ain't actually in the contract Jimmy: don't bother about me Janis: whatever, won't be hard Janis: then I'll just go back to my room after, peace and quiet Janis: anyway, her still in the sick bay gives me a valid excuse, concerned sister I am Jimmy: text me when you want me to show up Janis: ha, alright Jimmy: least if she's concussed we won't have to put on as convincing a show Janis: one can hope 🤞 Janis: sadly there's fuck all to damage in her head so Jimmy: Sounding like she will be my dad's perfect match 💘 Janis: does that mean you'll start showing up for dinner and xmas Janis: not part of the deal Jimmy: 🙏 they'll rent a cottage together and leave me the fuck out of it Janis: can get behind that Jimmy: #forlifenotjustforchristmas Janis: make it happen @iantaylor8 Jimmy: 'cause that's such a dream come true, I'm going to sleep Jimmy: don't miss me too much Janis: ..outside? Jimmy: If I get eaten by some animal or owt you can have my 🚬s Janis: 💘 Janis: romance aside, at least you'll be easy to find if you're 😴 Jimmy: Keep my snoring off the socials tah Jimmy: not very #goals Janis: but you look so cute baby Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: look cute all the time Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: goodnight, Jenna Jimmy: 😘 Janis: sweet dreams, dickhead Jimmy: just said they were guaranteed Jimmy: can't stop being a 😇 you Janis: not yet 😈 Jimmy: @ everyone who missed my earlier tweet Janis: yeah don't make me sound boring Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: can agree on that Jimmy: if I wanted boring I'd have asked Ms O'Brien to fake date me Janis: 😏 Janis: she could be a secret freak Jimmy: doubt she's bitten any ears off though Janis: missing out? Jimmy: the benchmark has been set Janis: oh please Janis: you loved it Janis: got the job done, didn't it Jimmy: tonight will Janis: yeah Jimmy: Owt off limits? Janis: you love 🍑 stuff, I get it Janis: but nah, I don't care Jimmy: 👴 love me Jimmy: #soznotsoz Janis: if I pretend to be Mr Lucas, it kinda defeats what we're doing here Janis: soz Jimmy: It's alright, I'm more 👵💕 live out your what would Ms O'Brien do fantasies Jimmy: you started strong, like Janis: admitting I do know what I'm doing? Janis: about time Jimmy: Baby please Jimmy: you wish I would Janis: you wish I'd do the other side 👂 Jimmy: Yeah well fed up of this earring #newschoolnewme Janis: 😂 Janis: bye 😎 boy bye Jimmy: Tah for not having braces, you'd be dangerous Janis: if that's your thing you should deffo go catholic and start your religious training asap Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: and your thing is what, going from 🐷 to 🦈 after a few drinks? Janis: pigs have eaten far more humans than sharks ever have, for one, idiot Janis: and two, you only need to fake like you know exactly what I need Jimmy: sounds like fake news that Janis: your favourite word, that Jimmy: you don't need to know my fave word Jimmy: won't be on the test Janis: just the safe word, sure Jimmy: What's it gonna be? Trust fund's two Jimmy: Pony'll work Janis: great, you're a furry Janis: give me strength Jimmy: You don't need to know my kinks either Janis: stop being so obvious then Jimmy: It's obvious you're turned on by 💰 only trying to be accommodating until you secure Mr Lucas' teacher salary 💍💕 Janis: Obviously Janis: hit up some overworked and underpaid nurses whilst I'm at it Jimmy: Get that blood, vampire girl Janis: more fun making you bleed Jimmy: 😍🤤😍 Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: save the enthusiasm for the #fans that want it Jimmy: I know how much fun I am Janis: I tweeted about you last Janis: it's your turn to tweet about me Janis: if you can pry your hand off your dick for one sec Jimmy: you were last 'cause I always go first Jimmy: pull your weight Janis: not my fault you're premature Janis: well, obvs is but you know Jimmy: If that's the rep you want, Joanne Jimmy: [posts something extra about missing her that's like really hot and a mood] Janis: you care about my rep as much as I do Janis: though that post didn't entirely suck Jimmy: careful, that almost sounded like a real compliment Jimmy: what kind of fake girlfriend would you be Janis: never Janis: [can find him 'cos you know, has to at some point] Jimmy: I get it, you need the IRL inspo of seeing me now it's your turn again Janis: [😑 but sits down with and has to get close to match the mood of his post to take a #reunited pic] Janis: needs must Jimmy: Fake like you know what come here means and do it properly Jimmy: [When you shamelessly just wanna be more extra] Janis: [defs first lap sitting moment needed like don't test me boy] Janis: there Jimmy: [yassss having such a moment bye] Jimmy: and you reckon I need to be a better trainer Janis: stop comparing me to fucking farmyard animals and dogs Janis: [angry face right in his 'cos you ain't moved] Jimmy: Alright, Juliet next post I'll compare you to a summer's day Janis: hilarious Jimmy: necessary if you're gonna keep making that face Jimmy: can't have it sticking Janis: [makes a face like give a fuck] Jimmy: [😏 because she obvs does or why are they doing this ha] Janis: you're so smug Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt babe Janis: unduly Jimmy: How would you know? Janis: [gestures at him like it's obvious] Jimmy: [shrugs because again being a smug dickhead like you don't know me bye] Janis: [pushes on his chest to get up off him] Jimmy: [offers her a 🚬] Janis: [takes it and starts walking but looks back like] Janis: follow me to civilization Jimmy: Why? Janis: because you're lost Janis: and you could be inside right now, undisturbed, for at least another 45 minutes yet Jimmy: Do the maths on that, did you? Jimmy: not sure if I can trust a #hater Janis: oh my god Jimmy: What? Janis: would it 💀💀💀 you to just come Jimmy: Are you trying to? Janis: what are you talking about now Jimmy: Gonna lure me to my death or not? Janis: tempting as you make it Janis: we have 2 of those shit drinks left Janis: unless there's something better we can do out here Jimmy: Help me up then Janis: 👴 Janis: [but does] Jimmy: Oi, you were sitting on me so long I've got a 💀 leg Janis: if that's how shit your stamina is how we gonna fake fuck convincingly Janis: sort it out Jimmy: you ate half my lunch, sort that out Janis: you didn't need it, skiver Janis: only using your voice, I had to actually do the course Jimmy: I had to keep you alive Jimmy: not as hard as your sister makes it look but still a challenge when you Janis: piss off Janis: I could've done that shit alone Jimmy: bollocks Janis: so could Jimmy: go on then, we'll recreate it Janis: [closes her eyes and struts for a bit like see] Jimmy: fuck that we're going to the course Janis: alright Janis: come on then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [we know the drill, when you're being slow af so he's like do it properly and then you go faster and fall, not actually doing any damage but] Jimmy: [shamelessly helping her up even though she don't need it and being actually worried until you can see she's not hurt] Janis: thanks a lot Jimmy: didn't push you over Janis: [when you start to hobble away for the drama of it all] Jimmy: stop, dickhead Janis: [looking like, what?] Jimmy: [goes and helps her obvs] Janis: I could've done it Janis: you were rushing me Jimmy: Yeah, I were Jimmy: on the ⏲ Jimmy: you said 45 mins uninterrupted Janis: you challenged me Janis: we could've just gone inside Jimmy: you challenged you Jimmy: admit you need me Janis: excuse me Jimmy: you heard Janis: I heard some dumb shit Jimmy: [walks away but not far just to make the point cos she was leaning on him then] Janis: [😑] Janis: stop being a twat Jimmy: you Janis: you Janis: immature Jimmy: I'm a lad, we do it slower Janis: no excuse for acting like a kid is it Janis: [is less 😑 though] Jimmy: What's yours, I'll borrow that Janis: I'm injured, bastard Jimmy: You've been a knobhead since before I got here Janis: and how the fuck would you know thay Jimmy: I've heard some dumb shit an' all Jimmy: I told you, I ain't that new Janis: Exactly Janis: how would you know Janis: [walks off faster now, with as little hobbling as poss.] Jimmy: [stops her so he can try and help her again because not that rude] Janis: I don't need your help Jimmy: I don't need to offer but I am Janis: I'm meant to be grateful, yeah? Janis: do one Jimmy: [shakes his head because no and no and is helping her whether she likes it or not] Janis: fine, white knight 'til we're back but then leave me alone Jimmy: [picks her up cos that's permission right there, if you say so boy #problematic and sure if anyone sees them it'll look #goals] Janis: [when you ain't speaking so you don't say no] Jimmy: [casual walk back in silence, obvs he gently puts her on her bed and leaves] Jimmy: [definitely takes a bottle out of the two that are left cos his share even though it's not gonna do fuck all] Janis: [when you're definitely like cheek but not gonna break your vow of silence to argue about that like] Jimmy: [okay so my idea is, he shows up later, knocking on the door which Grace answers so he knows she's there cos this is only gonna work if she was and sweeps in full of apologies like I'm so sorry you got hurt cos of me babe etc (which would kill Grace cos that boy ain't sorry and that's the tea) but critically there is some real sorry if there hidden for him being an actual dickhead, like. Even though we can pretend it's for Grace's benefit everything he's saying and why she has to accept and get back on this fake train] Janis: [good thinking my nugget] Jimmy: [he ain't that good of an actor and anyway he'd make sure she can see he's actually sorry too] Janis: [lbr she's too closed off to want to talk about it so she's gonna take it for what it is, even if this puts them back 10 paces, that's the vibe always] Jimmy: [gotta throw yourself fully into this pantomime so it don't get too real kids, really milking that injury and his nurse role] Janis: [truly, give them an oscar] Jimmy: [nobody give Grace one, cos we all see you] Janis: [when her friends are probably low-key over nursing her now like quit before they bitching to mia about you gurl] Jimmy: [literally that though, she'd have to have given it up which makes it ruder that Jimothy then shows up to do it for Janis] Janis: [oh this poor boy she's gonna be feeling murderous at now] Jimmy: [plus you know Jimmy would be being so hot about everything like 'oh does this hurt, what about this' as a shameless reason to touch up her entire leg] Janis: [just umming and ahhing like you're not sure so he has to keep doing it lmao okay] Jimmy: [Grace's friends just 👀🍿 while they're doing their make up or whatever] Janis: [welcome for tonight's entertainment ladies, be sure to tell the whole world, being that bitch by asking him to get you something like water and then being like 'don't go' 'cos they'd love that] Jimmy: [he should totally get his hoodie for her too which she still has #duh and put it on for her like she's an actual invalid] Janis: [get on the invaleed couch honey] Jimmy: [please say she's wearing the pjs rn for that throwback and mood] Janis: [of course, 'cos bitch actually does the activities so her clothes would be muddy, as if you weren't jello enough ladies like put that perf body away] Jimmy: [this is why as much as Grace wants to share a room she also doesn't because be more beautiful Janis goddamn] Janis: [cuts her hair off in her sleep or smothers her with a pillow] Jimmy: [also he should be ignoring his phone going off (we know its because fuck you Ian) because what would be more goals to Grace and her friends than full attention] Janis: [100%, though she should pick it up (when it ain't ringing like lol) and just go on it 'cos trust with the passcode too omg] Jimmy: [and bonus points that it adds to his new boy mystery like why is he so in demand] Janis: [god bless, when you'd be trying so hard not to lol at them at so many points] Jimmy: [literally do give them an oscar cos I could not] Janis: [kick it up a notch by being like 'you know what would make me feel better' 'cos it's a power move when the girl says it, nick from the act] Jimmy: [yaaaaaaaaas] Janis: [like we said though, actually have to make out 'cos no faking that part] Jimmy: [good thing they've got real chemistry] Jimmy: [just a really epic make out sesh for everyone to enjoy and Grace is like NOPE g2g] Janis: [facetimeing mia rn 'cos they think you too busy to notice and lbr, a bitch would screen record she creepy lmao] Jimmy: [Grace just stomping around fuming getting ready really quick by her standards meanwhile this is the hardest JJ have had to go, don't think about it] Janis: [oh babe you know they ain't gonna stop, meanwhile janis just freaking 'cos she ain't ever been arsed before and it feels good so whoops] Jimmy: [literally no acting going on from him here he's just fully into it cos no need to hold back unlike with the lovebite situ when you can pretend its all for that lot, any sounds you make or things you do] Jimmy: [taking that hoodie off her again like] Janis: [when an audience means you can do more, what is this time period, god bless] Jimmy: [it's my fave for a reason cos who else would even do this never mind take it this far] Janis: [just going for the other ear like she said she would] Jimmy: [at least he doesn't have to act like he's not into it/she's bad at it this time cos barely got away with that the first time] Janis: [there's no hiding it rn, deny it later lads] Jimmy: [that said he'd still have to whisper some kind of pisstake in her ear about it just so she can't be too smug later] Janis: [naturally, can't be too real with it] Jimmy: [loses some of the sass when you're breathless as hell trying to say it though so] Janis: [so you just 😏 now like heh] Jimmy: [just gotta pull her hair so you can pull her into you and a kiss to wipe that smugness off her face like nbd so casual rn] Janis: [when that kiss would be so aggressive bye] Jimmy: [it makes me die because Grace would NEVER let anyone touch her hair, not even the fam and especially not a boy it's like her number 1 THING so she can see that and it can be her cue to slam that door and go honey] Janis: [you should probably leave shameless friends like there's no reason for you to be in here now lmao] Jimmy: [them just hurrying off after her so gutted they gotta leave meanwhile JJ are gonna be gutted that they have to stop] Janis: [soz lads, purely for your audience, remember, at least he can't leave 'cos that'd look so rude like bye we done] Jimmy: [and you know her friends would be loitering lowkey cos Grace is in no mood to be followed and would sister snap so there's the excuse they don't need] Janis: [exactly, you gotta stick it out 'til a teacher finds you and kicks you out tbh] Jimmy: [Jimmy just aggressively drinking that water he got for her #thirstybitch so he don't have to look at her or say anything] Jimmy: [lowkey shady sir like lemme get the taste of you out of my mouth] Janis: [when you get up to look in the mirror like you're remotely arsed what you look like but really you're just assessing love bite damage] Jimmy: [pissing about with the bed once she's off it unscrewing something or whatever so they can pretend they broke it] Janis: [does the 'not bad' face] Jimmy: [shrugs and goes on his phone to check in with both Bobby and Cass] Janis: [wrapping her ankle with some tape she'd probably have brought 'cos sporty bitch not 'cos it's needed but for the look of] Jimmy: [does the face back at her cos good idea and gestures for her to go to the door and listen if Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are being that extra or if they've gone] Janis: [hops over, again not 'cos she needs too but #bants and has a serious listening face on] Jimmy: [tries not to lol for what must be the millionth time honestly] Janis: [gestures for him to come over and nods like they're there but I have a plan] Jimmy: [comes over of course] Janis: [pushes him into the door and starts faking noises like you do the same keep up 'cos that'll shake them to their core but also show 'em that they're still going at it, like] Jimmy: [does as he's told this once] Janis: [least they wouldn't have to do that long 'cos they'd bolt because could not not lol out loud at that] Jimmy: [goes through Grace's drawers, finds her condom stash, opens one and ditches it but leaves the wrapper when it can obvs be seen at the top of the bin] Janis: [when you make a face that's like ew but fair] Jimmy: [🙄 but playfully cos not like you're living for this bit either] Janis: ['could've just pulled out, amateur' but whispering 'cos don't wanna be too loud unless for the right reasons yet] Jimmy: that the fave 🍀 method then? Janis: pretty much Jimmy: bit soon for a fake pregnancy scare Jimmy: and I obvs couldn't 'cause I want you so much 💕 Janis: obvs Janis: c'est la vie, just wanted the trip to Liverpool, like Jimmy: how many of these shall I do? Jimmy: [gestures to the wrapper like] Jimmy: don't wanna have to throw your sister on a ferry or under a bus Janis: [goes over to look how many there are and chucks out two more, opening one] Janis: she'd be buzzin' Janis: know she's the type Jimmy: My ex has got one she's bound to be regretting by now if she's that desperate, like Janis: [looks at the condom then him then down like awks] Jimmy: Piss off, it ain't mine Janis: [when you literally breathe out like phew] Janis: Jesus, lead with that Jimmy: [throws whatever stuffed toy Grace still sleeps with at her] Janis: [clutches the bear to her chest like 😲 faux outrage] Janis: how dare you treat Tuffie like that Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Jimmy: be our secret, yeah? Janis: good thing you ain't a dad Janis: [throws the thing at him] Jimmy: raising two kids, only not with her Jimmy: [throws it back] Janis: [just playing catch at this point, obvs doesn't think he's got two kids like that so is like okay] Janis: explains why you're so knackered Janis: that and all the wild fake sex Jimmy: that'll do it Jimmy: [sits on Grace's bed and starts doodling on the back of his hand with her eyebrow pencil or whatever] Janis: those things are like 20 quid a pop Janis: [is clearly amused by this not mad, goes over to the window to open it and get some air] Jimmy: better start paying me then Jimmy: [does the good idea face again though cos letting that non existent sex smell out] Janis: you weren't fake that good and I'm not fake that desperate Jimmy: [😏 cos yeah he was] Janis: [kicks her bed so he wobbles] Jimmy: [is like OI cos of course his doodle smudges cos he's left handed anyway] Janis: [shrugs like you know what you did but goes over to the mirror where the makeup has been left, finds him the wipes and gets a lipstick and puts it on] Jimmy: [shrugs back cos not actually bothered also actually ambidextrous anyway so you choose to use that hand boy and we all see you shamelessly looking at her as well] Janis: ['hold still' and then covering his face/neck area with lipstick kisses quickly then smudging them with her fingers so they're faded] Janis: evidence Jimmy: you weren't wearing it before Jimmy: don't say much for me if you stopped mid go to put it on Janis: weren't my face they were looking at, new boy Janis: 😍 Janis: trust Jimmy: when it was attached to mine they were Janis: it's only a nude, not fuck off red Janis: wipe it off if you reckon though Jimmy: not my area of expertise tbh mate Janis: 🙄 Janis: then hush Jimmy: til you want me to get loud again sure Janis: they shouldn't come back now Janis: hopefully they have some life, like Janis: unlikely though it seems Jimmy: What about Grace? Meant to sleep here Janis: I'm hoping she's Ophelia'd herself in the lake Janis: probably go in with them now, idk Jimmy: If she's beat us to the 💀 pact, I'm 💔 Janis: gotta get the attention back somehow Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: [leans out of the open window to 🚬 cos can't leave yet] Janis: purely post-coital, obviously Jimmy: you should have one an' all then Janis: [puts fingers up like 'three' but smiles like jk] Janis: go on then Jimmy: [obviously lights her up cos a princess can never fuck opening your own doors @ nick in the act this is the real #goals] Janis: [cheers motion, also it's clearly a small window/small room in general so they'd have to be close rn] Jimmy: [my thoughts exactly, so much of your bodies touching casually] Janis: [when you'd be so aware of it after dry humping each other for however long there] Jimmy: [literally though and she did not have many clothes on at all so] Janis: [still don't rn like hi] Jimmy: [when you remember because you're brushing up against so much of her bare skin so you fetch the hoodie again like a dutiful bf even though nobody's watching] Jimmy: [making her hold your 🚬 while you get it] Janis: [puts it on 'cos lbr you both need another layer between you rn] Jimmy: [lifts her hair out of it for her unthinkingly, how intimate excuse you boy] Janis: [just freezes casually like] Jimmy: [when you just take a step back like] Janis: [just goes and sits on Grace's bed to finish it 'cos whaddya care tbh so unphased by all of this] Jimmy: [he'll be here unmoving like musical statues nbd] Janis: [on her phone seeing if any of the goss has ended up there yet 'cos invariably will, sends him a gossipy ass post with '😂 #missionaccomplished?' Jimmy: 👍 Janis: guess you can go now then Janis: do you reckon Jimmy: [his phone is going off again too but it's just the fam so ignoring for rn] Jimmy: Alright Janis: unless you wanna try to sleep Janis: clearly the teachers are too pissed to be clued in right now Jimmy: [fixes her bed and lies on it] Jimmy: remind me to break it again Janis: will do Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: [closes his eyes but nobody falls asleep that fast and we all know it] Janis: [quietly like 'night' and turning the big light off and putting on a lamp by the bottom bunk as if this is such a casual situation] Janis: don't freak if I have to hop up there if Grace comes back, yeah Jimmy: [when the pillow obvs smells like her cos its hers and you're just lying there like mistakes have been made before the thought of having to lie with her has even crossed your mind] Jimmy: even if I do, I'll fake I ain't Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: that's the spirit Jimmy: 👻 me Janis: [little lol] Janis: lucky for you casper, I don't sleep, so she won't reckon you've kicked me out my own bed or nothing Jimmy: I know you're a vampire already, don't need to convince me, girl Janis: no neck biting Janis: scout's honour Jimmy: Saving it for the bus back, I get it, why wouldn't you? Janis: my parting gift to you, babe Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: well romantic that is Janis: ain't it just Janis: beats whatever the shit giftshop has got on offer Jimmy: So cute you Janis: bullshit am I Jimmy: I'll steal you a pen or fridge magnet, make you believe me Janis: 🧸 obviously needs a friend Janis: cute enough for ya Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: 🐷 🦈 or 🐴? Janis: 😑 Janis: really Jimmy: alright 🧸 if you wanna twin with Grace that bad Janis: fuck off or I'm breaking the bed whilst you're still in it Jimmy: just don't kick it Jimmy: might get more than fake injured Janis: thanks for the fake concern Jimmy: hot as that bandage is, like Janis: vampire, not a mummy, got it Janis: fucking halloween up in here Jimmy: what you wanna be the easter bunny or? Janis: that's the cliche hot option, ain't it Jimmy: give us some 🍫 then Jimmy: she must have it hidden somewhere Janis: you just lay there whilst I look, your highness Janis: [but is] Jimmy: could've asked you to make me a sandwich Janis: you want me to smack you that badly, just ask Janis: [finds some 'cos obvs knows her and throws it up] Jimmy: 🤤😍 etc Janis: I felt that, so convincing Jimmy: I know you can feel every bruise, babe Jimmy: that job's done with Janis: thank god Janis: 😷 Jimmy: 💔 etc Janis: go to sleep, dickhead Jimmy: [as if on cue Bobby's blowing his phone up cos can't] Janis: can get that, like Janis: got 🎧 and not bothered what you're chatting about Janis: sounds important Jimmy: I'm tired Jimmy: [but obvs does because has to] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [casually the longest convo ever, poor bab] Janis: [doesn't listen 'cos ain't that bitch but does take 'em off for a sec to see if he's done but is like oh when he ain't] Jimmy: [why you gotta be so shit Ian it was your idea he went] Janis: [when you can't get your own kid to sleep like] Jimmy: [when you don't try cos you're the shut the door on him type aka my mum lol] Janis: [goes out for a wee, get a drink etc so he doesn't feel rushed or like she would be listening] Jimmy: [when you're done but then can't sleep cos mad at your dad so 🚬 at the window again] Janis: [has brought him a drink too so when she sees he's up puts it on the window sill for him but doesn't speak 'cos can read the room well enough] Jimmy: [staring out the window furiously excuse him] Janis: [a look she knows personally so not going to be up in his face, just gets back on Grace's bed] Jimmy: let's go Janis: okay Janis: anywhere, yeah? Jimmy: [downs the drink she brought him to show it's appreciated thank you bae] Jimmy: Teacher's block first, that's the real holy show Janis: [raises her eyebrows like what you got planned but nods 'cos regardless, swapping her shorts for joggers before they go like] Jimmy: were gonna say put some clothes on Jimmy: don't tell anyone though Janis: [mimes zipping her lips] Jimmy: so many secrets, I know Jimmy: [touches the OG lovebite] Janis: [opens the door with a flourish like lead the way 'cos can't dwell on that/make it a moment] Jimmy: [walks through but then remembers what she said about halloween and runs back to take all the toilet paper he can find like a little nerd] Janis: [😏 wid it, helps] Jimmy: 🎃🧛👻 Janis: [a bit of lowkey mindless vandalism will help take your mind off it] Janis: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: 🤞 🐰 girl Jimmy: [that and spying on the teachers in general would be fun for that hot goss] Janis: I won't hop, if it's all the same to you Janis: [deffo, we know they're schwasted] Jimmy: what kind of fake injury Jimmy: you gotta commit, Jules Janis: the idea is, no one sees us Janis: if we get caught I'll fall dramatically into your arms, yeah Jimmy: No need Jimmy: [picks her up like he did earlier but with a very different vibe we know] Janis: ['this is committing, yeah'] Jimmy: [a look] Janis: [looking back like half challenge half like what's up before tapping his back like let's go] Jimmy: [boy we get that you wanna be distracted by her specifically in a specific way but please calm down] Janis: [can't let you do that yet lads] Jimmy: [on you go to annoy the teachers and spy] Janis: [at least that'd be amusing af] Jimmy: [before they go back they should see Grace leaving that lad's room but obvs she don't see them] Janis: [😒] Jimmy: [gives her a ? look cos maybe he was focused on teacher drama still] Janis: [shakes her head and starts walking not in the direction of the rooms] Janis: got any 🚬 left Jimmy: [obvs does and obvs lights one for her and then himself] Janis: [heading outside and to a bench to smoke in silence] Jimmy: [sits near but not close] Janis: ['just gutted we didn't learn O'Brien's a dark horse, like'] Jimmy: ['she ain't no lightweight, next time'll be the one, heard it's France'] Janis: ['next time then'] Jimmy: ['it's a date'] Janis: ['ain't gonna be dead by then?'] Jimmy: ['Depends'] Janis: [nods like I feel you] Jimmy: ['Taking that as your personal guarantee the poison you got is stronger than the shit they're drinking, don't let me down, rich girl'] Janis: ['it's lethal, trust me' and a look] Jimmy: [nods like good] Janis: ['you should go in, get some sleep at last'] Jimmy: [nods again but doesn't move] Janis: ['want me to return the favour and carry you?'] Jimmy: [😏 'on that proper dodgy ankle, no way baby' and playfully nudges it with his own foot 'sleep on the bus with you as my pillow, tah'] Janis: [shakes her head but is 😏 back 'well soz my tits aren't bigger then'] Jimmy: ['me an' all, would make this shit easier to fake'] Janis: ['you're such a cunt'] Jimmy: [gives her a well I'm soz about that then sarcastic look] Janis: [kicks him but not hard as she gets up 'later then'] Jimmy: [is all oi as per but not really ever mad] Janis: [shrugs like what you gonna do about it and goes off in the direction of a trail to do a casual run at whatever late o'clock this is] Jimmy: proper miss you already 💕 Janis: beam it into the night sky, batman Janis: I already know Jimmy: hang on, trying to do a 😳🐷 Jimmy: you see it yet? Janis: you're meant to be an artist Janis: sort it out Jimmy: never said I were Janis: you did Jimmy: that were you Jimmy: I reckoned I could sort you a poster Jimmy: so could my little brother Janis: good enough Janis: get to work Jimmy: very inspiring you Janis: soz I don't look more like a pig Janis: you who keeps on saying it Jimmy: it's you who keeps going pink Jimmy: soz I didn't have a hoodie in that colour Janis: erm not even once Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 😑 Jimmy: You coming to bed or what? Janis: I can't be in the same room as her right now Jimmy: be in mine then Janis: alright Janis: cheers Jimmy: Alright, come on Janis: just gotta circle back Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: such an athlete, I know Janis: I never said that either Janis: but yeah, I won't deny it Jimmy: Don't have to, still got my 👀 Jimmy: not fully closed or owt yet Janis: Impressive Jimmy: can't deny it Janis: 🙄 Janis: [showing up 'cos wouldn't have got too far] Jimmy: [just quietly like 'hey'] Janis: [lil awkward laugh like 'alright'] Jimmy: [and it's back to walking in silence] Janis: [when you don't know if he's giving you his bed or you're about to get in together so you're mentally preparing yourself for either] Jimmy: [when you know you're gonna share (can blame Ollie's presence but we know the truth and that he's sleeping) so preparing yourself for that since you didn't think it through before you said it] Janis: [styling it out like you're way more confident than you are 'cos can be part of the act, hence she'd take her joggers and the hoodie off casually 'cos wouldn't sleep that clothed but waits for him to get in first like your bed] Jimmy: [we all see you taking your top off boy even though there's no need] Janis: [👀 when you looking but try to be subtle please] Jimmy: [she's earned that right tbh he's seen and touched so much of her by now] Janis: [fair] Jimmy: [in you get kids for your single bed forced closeness] Janis: [get used to it tbh, at least he's clearly tired af so can at least pretend he's sleeping even if he ain't] Jimmy: [they are both too tall for this to be comfy you'd literally have to be all over each other] Janis: [again, no denying you're into it, just have to stay quiet if you wanna pretend lads] Jimmy: [the realest] Jimmy: [and don't move too much, don't need to get betrayed by your boy parts there Jimothy] Janis: [as amusing as that would be for us, don't need you to die of shame] Jimmy: [🐘 in the room now and definitely earlier because there is no way you could do all that shit and not] Janis: [she'd be like, don't take it personally, that shit just happens but it doesn't just happen if you're not into it at all, like] Jimmy: [mhmm as much as his internal monologue be like well I can't help that we all know if it was Grace or whoever you wouldn't be feeling it so bye] Janis: [#tea] Jimmy: [if it was Mia it'd go back inside his body] Janis: [lmao you wouldn't know she was in the bed with you tbh] Jimmy: [don't ever wanna think about her hooking up with anyone my god] Janis: [amazing it happens so much] Jimmy: [just gonna think about JJ having a spoon instead thank you] Janis: [indeed, much nicer] Jimmy: [at least he is tired enough to fall asleep eventually because that'd feel like the longest night ever if not] Janis: [let her have some too or rude for likewise] Jimmy: [pray you don't dream about earlier either of you] Janis: [hope neither of you sleep talk] Jimmy: [can't be that cruel omg] Janis: [awks when ollie wakes up like hi] Jimmy: [you gotta run girl, really hit him in those abandonment issues when wakes up] Janis: [see you on the bus] Jimmy: [#awks] Janis: [gotta sit next to each other though, at least faking it for the fans will break the ice] Jimmy: [least there's only so much coupleyness you can do there if you're not making out, no need to go as hard] Janis: [mainly the aforementioned snuggling] Jimmy: [first time he ever plays with her hair in a soft way which will forever be his future fave] Janis: [just imagined grace from her seat like 😒] Jimmy: [honestly, probably crying on the low because contrary to popular belief she is capable of subtlety when needed to protect herself like that] Janis: [but we must know, did he go to the giftshop] Jimmy: [he had to steal her a teddy of some sort or I swear to god] Janis: [she can take a selfie with that then] Jimmy: [probably the kind of crap sort that have a t-shirt on of the place but he didn't spend money on it so] Janis: [it's the #brag that counts, they'd be jel] Jimmy: [exactly and it's points for him with her cos he stole it like he said he would and didn't get caught or anything cringe] Janis: [exactly dr phil dem sneaky feels] Jimmy: [and the reminder of this trip when she thinks its all she's gonna get] Janis: [lmao what a headfuck like you're just gonna pretend you don't know each other now okay lads] Jimmy: [in what world also everyone would be like UM what] Jimmy: [I love how they haven't discussed it once] Janis: [ridiculous] Jimmy: [it's the best thing likewise how nobody's gonna think she's gay after those bedroom antics so there's no reason for her to agree to anymore but she do] Janis: [be more blatant with your flimsy reasoning guys] Jimmy: [you silly eggs] Janis: thank fuck it's the holidays Jimmy: 🙌 Janis: 💃 Jimmy: 🍾 Janis: 👙🕶 Jimmy: 😎 forever obvs but 🎊 that you can't take the piss about it Janis: every ☁ Jimmy: ⛅ Janis: just remember to sign off with a post about how you'll miss me though Jimmy: it's drafted Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I get it, your 👅 is tied around me, babe Jimmy: lemme write it for you Janis: trust falls were yesterday Janis: what are you actually gonna write Jimmy: refresh my feed in a bit Jimmy: it'll be there Janis: shifty Jimmy: I ain't forgot how easily you scare Jimmy: it'll be alright Janis: piss off Jimmy: yeah, in a bit Jimmy: hang on in there Janis: do my best Janis: feel 💀 approaching though Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: bit rude Jimmy: bit rude to outlive me when we made a pact Janis: I'm more of a shootout with the law kinda girl Janis: what can I say Jimmy: nowt 'cause you should've said before Janis: don't remember signing nothing Janis: in blood or otherwise Jimmy: 💀💌 got a massive J scrawled on it, my dear Janis: [😏] Janis: fine Janis: see you at the funeral, beloved Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Your sister keeps staring at me Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [such a GOOD long kiss that's no less intense than any of their others but softer and therefore easier for him to say is 1000% fake cos she don't know what a #softboy he is yet] Janis: [you know the bus would wheyyy 'cos nowhere to hide so even if you're caught off guard you've gotta play into it yeah] Janis: surprised she can see fuck all Janis: 😭 Jimmy: thought you were gonna say you blinded her Jimmy: save all your maiming for me, eh 💕 Janis: 'course Janis: doesn't get that biblical Janis: my brother's deaf but that's fuck all to do with me alright Jimmy: sounds fake but alright Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['wipes it off his face with her hands then cups his chin you know what I mean ott cutesy] Janis: rude Jimmy: [giving her those OTT 😍 so fake mhmm] Jimmy: Teach me some sign language then Janis: [says something along the lines of 'I'm gonna maim you' I hope Grace isn't looking that hard, just like excuse me, teaching him swear obvs 'cos first thing anyone does lol] Jimmy: [just having a lovely time learning and loling its fine Grace will be blinded by her tears after that cute kiss] Janis: [when you forget you're putting on a show but this is a mood anyway so it's fine] Jimmy: [literally though, love that for them] Janis: [even the teachers can't be mad 'cos you know they'd be like ooh they know sign language teach everyone 'cos it looks good on them] Jimmy: [Grace is the only one fuming honey, texting Mia like] Janis: [that snek, just gonna keep that 'i fucked your brother' 'til it really hurts] Jimmy: [she's the literal worst and Pablo is too hot for you, girl] Janis: [what a time] Jimmy: [is there anything else we want to happen, besides a dramatic hug goodbye at the end obvs] Janis: [and taking off his hoodie to give back] Jimmy: [but he's like no, boy don't be giving your clothes away she's richer than you] Janis: cute bit Janis: I'll drop it off somewhere covert, like Jimmy: You'll have stretched it Janis: please Janis: you stupid Jimmy: Take the closest thing to a tit compliment you're getting off me and leave it out Janis: 🙄 Janis: you're alright, thanks Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: make sure you tweet that out 💕 so sweet to me, you Janis: you said you drafted it Janis: ugh Jimmy: My bit, yeah Jimmy: [but also sends out that pic she took of herself in the hoodie way back when remember with a post about how he's letting her keep it cos it looks better on her etc] Jimmy: that ain't it though Janis: guess I'll have to put my thinking cap on Jimmy: if you can find one to fit your big head once all the comments, likes and DMs flood in] Janis: nope, I'll take this fame and run with it Janis: all I ever wanted, obvs Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: 🥇🏆💪 you Jimmy: 🤩 me Janis: you'll always be my no.1 fan, babe Janis: 😘 Jimmy: Babe OMG 😭💕😘 Janis: I know, so sweet Janis: 😇 you might say Jimmy: You would Jimmy: I'd go 😈 Jimmy: [a LOOK] Janis: You really want one last 😳 for the road, yeah? Jimmy: You'll always be my 😳🐷, girl Janis: Wow 😭💕😘 Jimmy: I know, Shakespeare's #quaking Janis: yeah, well known pussy destroyer, old bill Jimmy: [laughs] Janis: [😏] Jimmy: [showing her how extra everyone is being on that post obvs] Janis: [between an eyeroll and vaguely smug 'cos it's worked but people are cray] Jimmy: [gives her his phone so she can do replies if she wants, enjoy seeing that trust again peeps] Janis: [when you get to be a funny bitch, hands him hers like there's Mia say hi] Jimmy: [obvs does and it would obvs also be hilarious, he'd probably literally facetime her rn like oh hey cos doesn't give a fuck] Janis: [don't get feeling special, babe] Jimmy: [when he's a better mean girl than Mia bye] Janis: [cackling] Jimmy: [If you weren't into him before Janis, you will be now] Janis: she's such a cunt Janis: wish I coulda seen her tryna haul ass up a rock wall though Jimmy: we can 💀💀 her when we get back Jimmy: I'll put my thinking cap on Janis: could blow on her and she'd go tbh Janis: that was ON, btw, don't get ideas Jimmy: I did read it as let her blow me Jimmy: not that ride or die for you, mate Janis: her teeth are probs false so it'd be a good time Janis: 👵 Jimmy: Alright, I'm in Jimmy: [sends a pic of Norman Bates' dead mum in the OG psycho you know the one] Jimmy: Just my type that Janis: why stop at a beej Janis: dress her up and take her for a spin 'round your room, like Jimmy: It's a date Janis: that's why you 😎 huh Janis: psycho eyes Janis: no faking emotion Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: don't forget my crows feet Jimmy: It's alright though I reckon I look decent for 45 Janis: too cocky for a predator, honestly Janis: 🙄 Janis: got the receipts and everything, boy Janis: man, whatever Jimmy: If you hear sirens, they're for me Jimmy: Calm Mr Lucas down however you like Janis: awh, you wanted to start a ⚪ Janis: that's cute Jimmy: still time or? Janis: he's only got 👀 for me and it's very fucking rude to suggest otherwise Jimmy: Is that what he told you? #awks Janis: shut up Janis: shit stirrer Jimmy: I'm not talking Janis: tryna break me and my mans up Janis: got a taste for it, like Janis: fuck 👻 boy, you're a monster Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: holiday flings been fun and all but he's dependable Janis: penciled in every Wednesday, last period, like Janis: 😍😍😍 #getyouamans Jimmy: the point were I don't want one Jimmy: 🙏 only Janis: the ultimate Man Janis: I get it Janis: 😇 repent, bitch Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: soon be time to be a 😈 and 💔 me Janis: that's the storyline, yeah? Jimmy: Got a better one? Janis: Nah, just wondering Janis: cool, I'll find a willing participant then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [scrolling through the post 'cos lads be horny on main] Jimmy: [when you're so 😒 but you can't let it show] Janis: [dw this plan lasts like 10 secs you thirsty hoes] Jimmy: [don't even go into how triggered he'd be cos how much his ex cheated bye] Janis: [exactly dr phil it doesn't happen for all the reasons and we know it] Jimmy: [boy just shut down over here nbd nothing to see people] Janis: [when you notice but you're not gonna bring that up but you put the phone down like k and go back to chillin'] Jimmy: [meanwhile he's just texting Cass on the way back from her trip, distracting himself with big brother duties, like] Janis: [when usually you get picked up from school after a trip but you know ian ain't coming honey] Jimmy: [literally, he will have to go himself so fingers crossed they get back earlier than her trip does] Janis: [least they at the same school and live near it but still, also janis and grace in charming moods so welcome home! lmao] Jimmy: [Caleb chatting away in the car in portugese god bless] Janis: [when ain't no one talking to you, janis probably didn't wanna get in like oh lads] Jimmy: [break my heart all of y'all, Grace only speaks to be like drop me at Mia's] Janis: [aren't you so glad you had 10 kids looool] Jimmy: [truly]

[dogtastictraining]

The Problems with Positive Training

I have had a few conversations and clients recently that have made me reflect on the problems I encounter with doing positive dog training and trying to educate and train pet owners this way.

1. It’s slow. 

Training is just learning for your dog. Some things take a short time to learn and some take longer. 

For example, to learn to read we really really practice that! Start small, easy words, short sentences, and work up to bigger books, longer sentences.. maybe an encyclopedia! (Hopefully everyone reading this knows what that is). 

Some things take a shorter period to learn, either because it’s an easier concept or because the learner is already in a good mindset for learning. 

For example, if I moved into a new house and have to remember where the towels are kept, that’s a relatively easy concept that will take me a much shorter time to learn then to read. 

As for the state of mind of the learner, this is different for everyone. I find that some people can see something demonstrated just once and then pretty much duplicate that, and some people need to be shown several times. For me, I am a visual learner rather than auditory. If someone explains something to me, I would much rather see it demonstrated or do it myself to really cement the learning. So dogs are no different. 

For our dogs, something like sit is an easy concept and takes a fairly short time to train. But a nice Heel or desensitizing to something the dog is afraid of, those are big concepts and take a lot longer time to train with more repetitions. 

To get the dog into the right learning mindset, simple commands and tricks help with that, such as a Touch (nose target) command. When the dog is engaged and eager to learn, they pick new things up much quicker, and that is a good place to be, especially if you have to tackle any serious behaviors.

2. People do it wrong. 

I’m including this in the problems with positive training because it is, in fact a problem we experience with positive training, and one that gives it a bad rap (rep?). For example, luring is a common concept we use in training classes, such as to lure the dog into a sit position by placing a treat up and over their head. However, I find that students rely on the lure for WAY too long.. much longer than needed so that what the dog learns is not the concept of sit, but that sit only happens with the treat in the hand or above the dog’s head.

Here is a picture of me luring two dogs into a Bow.

The concept of fading (getting rid of) the lure is something we go over in my training classes - getting the lure out of the hand as soon as possible - and I test students on it in week 2. However, luring is easy, and it yields a quick result. And most of us have a button on pride - we want our dogs to be successful and look good. So it easily creeps back in to the owner’s training.. handicapping the dog at a rudimentary level.

So what’s the problem with always having a treat in your hand? We are treat training after all! Well, then we end up with a dog who literally can’t do the behavior without a treat because it is SO unpracticed (they have had 1,000 repetitions of the behavior with a treat in your hand, and 0 without a treat). Therefore the treat also becomes a clue/cue/context for the behavior to occur - just as the verbal command is a cue for the behavior. 

3. There are not many quick fixes. 

One way I think of positive training is learning through higher education vs pain. Stick with me here - pain is very useful as a learning clue, but it is not the only way and does not have to be the primary way. 

For example, one of my clients has a dog that chased cars on her property (not an uncommon behavior). She did not teach him an alternative behavior or manage his environment so that he was not able to chase cars, and therefore he got hit one day. 

It was minor and nothing was broken, and the dog is fine. But as a result, he now no longer chases cars (at least does not go as close as he used to). So in this scenario, the painful experience was actually a productive learning experience for him in that it is inhibiting a very dangerous behavior. (Just to be clear I am not advocating this as a solution and would have addressed it much differently!!! But the fact still remains that it happened and he learned.) 

It works the same for humans as well. Think about those of us that have ever had a broken heart or had a relationship go south, then you are more guarded and reserved to have that happened again because it was a painful experience.

By contrast, I have burned myself many times while cooking. Each time it is painful, each time I do not want it to repeat, but it is not painful enough for me to never do that behavior ever again, or for me to stop cooking. This is why pain is not always the best learning tool, because you do not know how it is for the learner. I have seen a dog be put on a prong collar for the first time and be so uncomfortable with the sensation that they never pulled against it. And I have seen dogs that either didn’t care, desensitized to it, grew callouses, etc. and kept pulling anyway.

So pain is usually involved in a quick fix. 

But with positive we are trying to actually educate the dog. Teach him not to run on the road. To lay down when he sees a car coming until it’s out of sight, then he can move again, or practice him staying on the side and letting it go past and getting rewarded for that... there are a bunch of ways it could have been trained. Then it’s something the dog has LEARNED without the painful/traumatic incident. There is an alternative behavior for the dog to DO. Rather than the absence of behavior.

Instead of - don’t chase cars (leaving the dog with a void of what to do), it’s - do this behavior instead.

However, that takes time to train. A longer time depending on how long the behavior has been happening, how motivated the dog is to do the behavior, and the frequency of the training.

And I get it, not everyone has the time, wants to make the time, cares enough, etc. to actually train the dog. Many want a quick fix, and often positive training can’t provide that.

4. It takes effort. 

One thing people frequently comment on is how well behaved my dog Buck is, and how they want their dog to be trained like him. Well guess what, he gets trained every day - not always something big, but always something. When he was a puppy I would use his meals to train something, and then line my family up to show off his tricks. I would plan my schedule so that I could include him for a training walk or adventure. I walked him every day and trained on every walk. Get the point?! He was not born that good. He is the sum of his experiences and his training. At his core he is really a nervous dog and would have really bad separation anxiety if he had been with an owner that did less.

My dog Buck. 

I’m not saying you can only have a trained dog if you do all that, but you do have to do a lot. Especially when they are puppies, up through probably 3 years old is when many start to settle down and get into a good groove.

Sometimes you might have to shift your life around to be more conducive for your dog. Sometimes you have to cancel plans. Sometimes your puppy is not your dream dog... yet. And no, it’s not always fun. Yes it’s a lot of work. But that is life! Everything good takes hard work!

Positive training is a lot like losing weight. You have to actually do the work - there are no quick fixes, no weight loss pills that actually work, coconut oil is not the miracle! 😂 You have to be thoughtful about the food you eat, maybe not eat exactly what you want all the time, exercise, etc. Just signing up for the gym does nothing.. you have to actually GO and actually work out.

Positive training is the same - you have to actually train your dog. Repetitions. Consistency. Repetitions. Should I repeat it again or do we get the point?! 😂 Your dog jumps on people? Have someone practice coming in and out of the door 20 times. Then have someone else do that. And then again next week. And again. Until your dog gets it. You can’t just practice with me when I get there, or practice once a month (or not at all!) and expect your dog to learn a new behavior.

5. It’s misunderstood. 

Many people think of positive training as too soft - too permissive. “Can I say No to my dog?” On a whole we are trying to train first rather than setting up for failure (not telling the dog what to do and then correcting them for a mistake they did not know was a mistake is setting up for failure). 

But do I say no to dogs? Sure! If a dog runs into the road, you betcha I’m gonna yell No! I’m not going to ignore that behavior in lieu of him getting hit or something. 🤦‍♀️ But those are safety points. It’s not the same as having a dog pull on leash and saying no - this is when most people try to use the word. Or a puppy is playing keep away and the owner is yelling no. For me, these are moments where training and management allow us to be better and more productive than the word no.

However, outside of the word no (even if you never use it) the point is that all dogs need boundaries, and these need to be clearly defined and always consistent. 

For example, we don’t allow dogs on furniture in my house. But when I used to board and train dogs, many of those dogs were allowed up at their house. Was this a big deal? No. If the dog jumped on the couch I just immediately said uh-uh and then pulled them off. Sometimes it took a few reps of that, but pretty quickly the dogs learned they got pet on the floor, and if they went on the couch they were immediately pulled off.

That’s an example of consistency - I did that every time so they quickly learned. Was it super painful? No. Did I use a shock collar? No. Did they learn? Yes. Is that still positive training? Yes.

And that’s the point. Is just saying the word No does nothing, but No followed by a consequence (removal from the furniture, the room, the person, etc.) means something. 

Positive training does not mean your dog has no rules and boundaries. In fact I think that is awful and very stressful for a dog to have no rules. But can your rules be nice and fair? Absolutely! And they don’t have to be the silly old ones like you have to walk through the door first. They just have to be house rules that they can count on.

Compassion in Training

Those are some of the points I run into most often with regards to training. In my immediate area I am up against a few big name e-collar trainers who can promise quick fixes. I cannot. 🤷‍♀️

But I can promise you a way of training that is the way we should treat each other and animals - with kindness, compassion, fairness, and pain-free wherever possible. 

Incidentally, I can also promise that the techniques of positive training will not permanently scar or break your dog in any way. Most e-collar trainers do not include THAT in their guarantee. 

I was raised with the fundamental saying that we should treat others the way we would like to be treated. And that is how I think we should strive to treat our dogs as well.

Becky Pesicka, CPDT-KA, CNWI runs Dogtastic Training, a positive training company in California. 

[strmyweather]

one foot in front of the other, babe / one breath leads to another, yeah / just keep moving

I’m in the homestretch of my training for the New York City Marathon; the race is a little over five weeks away. Honestly, I sort of can’t believe I’m saying that -- because it seems like just a minute ago there were multiple months stretching out before me like the Great Dismal Swamp (which is an actual place) -- but now I’m realizing that there’s actually a faint light emanating from the end of this endurance tunnel. Somehow, I’ve only got four more ‘long runs’ left before the taper.

This is marathon number six for me, which might give the impression that the process is old hat by this point, but that would be thoroughly untrue. There have been a ton of ‘moving parts’ this time around, physically, mentally, and nutritionally -- maybe more so than ever before -- and I’m definitely due to set some of it down on paper. I had intended to do regular updates every couple of weeks as the training progressed, but (surprise, surprise) never actually managed to do so -- meaning this will probably be another of my infamous ten-page missives. So… pour another cup of coffee and strap in.

Back Story

I have a rather long and karmically-entangled history with the NYC Marathon. I was never a runner in adolescence -- swimming was my sport -- but took it up gradually during my senior year of college, mostly because my roommate nudged me into accompanying her on a couple of races of various distances. When we graduated and I no longer had easy access to a pool, I started doing road races and triathlons regularly, almost by default -- at that point in my life, I needed something concrete to train for in order to ensure that I remained consistently physically active. I gradually built up to marathon distance, starting with the Marine Corps Marathon in 2008, and although I entered the NYC lottery more than once, I was never selected.

In 2012, I finally just bit the bullet and bought a charity slot for NYC. Thanks largely to my PA classmates, I successfully raised 100% of the money (!) -- but those of you playing the home game may recall that 2012 was the year of Superstorm Sandy, and that the NYCM was therefore canceled that year for the first and only time since its inception. (I was literally ON THE BUS from Philadelphia to New York when the verdict came down.) Along with most of the field, I deferred my entry to 2013 -- and ended up with a stress fracture in my foot. Thoroughly annoyed, I deferred again, to 2014 -- and, a month into training, promptly sustained a stress fracture in the OTHER foot. (Pretty sure that’s what the kids call #facepalm.) However, by then I was out of deferrals, and I sure hadn’t raised that $2500 for nothing, so I adapted a CrossFit Endurance-style training plan to keep my fitness at a reasonable level while avoiding anything involving repetitive impact. Three weeks before the race, I was cleared to run.

So I did. My longest training run was five miles. It was by far my slowest marathon. It wasn’t the race I’d envisioned, to say the least. But I finished it.

That was supposed to be it. The end. The closing of a chapter. Yet somehow, every year, I have consistently managed to end up in New York City on marathon weekend. Typically, I’m just there visiting friends or seeing shows -- but this past year, it was because a dear friend of mine from the Netherlands was running the race herself. And, reliving that experience from the fringes last November -- walking around the expo with thousands of excited runners, dashing around Manhattan with my friend’s husband to try to catch a glimpse of her at various mile markers, standing on the sidelines cheering with my camera at the ready -- well, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me wish I were running myself.

So, on the spur of the moment, I threw my name in the hat, for the fifth time in ten years. And then promptly forgot about it.

...Until the evening of February 28, 2018 -- when my mind was entirely occupied by Week 2 of the CrossFit Open -- and my phone suddenly beeped with an alert for ‘Unfamiliar Credit Card Charge’.

Over the coming minutes, my initial alarm changed to confusion -- then, as the realization dawned, to equal parts shock, excitement, and dread.

Oh, shit. What had I done?

Fast-forward another seven months or so, and here we are.

Physically

The metaphor I keep using is that I feel like I’ve been driving a 4-cylinder automatic transmission for the past decade and am suddenly being asked to master a stick-shift Maserati. That’s not to say that I’m any kind of speed demon in the grand scheme of things, just that I have a much larger number of ‘gears’ than I used to. I spent a solid decade doing ‘long slow distance’ in various forms prior to discovering CrossFit in 2012, but back then, I was basically either running or walking (or crawling!) -- there wasn’t much of an in-between option. Nowadays, I’m much stronger, faster, and lighter than I used to be -- all good things! -- but this kind of training also utilizes an energy system that we just don’t routinely tax to the same degree in CrossFit, and it takes time (and mileage) to get comfortable with that. Therefore, much to my dismay, I’m having to become intimately familiar with the feel of a ‘threshold’ pace -- a.k.a. the place where I’d LIKE to slow down, but don’t objectively NEED to slow down in order to complete a given work requirement. This is occasionally validating on the back end when I review my split times -- never could’ve imagined a day where I ‘accidentally’ hit an 8:15 mile IN THE MIDDLE of a long run! -- but also inevitably involves some ‘overshooting’, a.k.a. those sessions where I come out of the gate too hot, hit a wall after two miles, and spend the remainder of the time feeling like death. Yet, slowly but surely, I’m starting to internalize how it feels to run at an 8-minute pace, vs an 8:30 or 9:00 or 9:30 pace. There are two processes happening simultaneously -- physically training my body to run faster, and mentally training my ‘sixth sense’ to learn how to calibrate a pace that can be held for MANY miles, not just two or three.

I’ve learned a couple of interesting things about myself so far, including that, on a physical level, I am inherently a more aerobic athlete (read: not a power athlete). This had already become apparent in recent months via barbell performance -- I can use a pretty high percentage of my max with decent form for a lot of reps, but tend to struggle in terms of getting my actual one-rep maxes to move upward. It turns out I’m similar with regard to running -- I can hold a ‘moderate’ pace for a relatively long time (on one of my earliest long runs, I averaged 8:54 across seven miles and felt pretty great the whole way), but, as above, I’m learning that ramping that pace up even just a little bit past the sweet spot will quickly lead to a major crash and burn. However, I suppose I’d prefer to be built this way, as opposed to the alternative -- and one silver lining is that, since my 10-rep maxes are a lot closer to my 1RMs than they have any right to be, my working weights on the current (muscular-endurance-focused) weightlifting cycle haven’t had to drop down SO far as to make me sad. :)

In terms of programming, at my request, we are continuing to prioritize my CrossFit fitness, just with a necessarily heavy slant toward endurance and bodyweight strength. Running isn’t my primary sport and isn’t going to be; my goal is simply to ‘complete’ this marathon in relatively good shape -- to stay healthy as possible throughout the training, to feel strong for the majority of the event, to soak in and thoroughly enjoy the atmosphere of such a special race, to crush several very large piles of food afterward (first stop: milk bar!) -- and then immediately jump back into ‘normal’ CrossFit training. A new PR would be a bonus -- and I do think it’s well within my abilities -- but I also won’t be too upset if it doesn’t happen; I’m playing the long game here, and I’m much more concerned with retaining muscle mass and overall fitness than with earning the fastest possible marathon time.

This all means that my actual ‘mileage’ is relatively minimal -- which is good for me, both in terms of personal preference and due to the fact that my feet are typically the part of me that ‘breaks’ first when subjected to high volume. (Other CrossFitters have wonky shoulders or knees; my own personal Achilles’ heel -- pun intended --  has always been my feet.) I started out having weekly long runs programmed on Sunday mornings and two-a-day sessions on Wednesdays (light CrossFit in the morning + running speedwork at the track in the evening). However, I promptly sustained a (mild) foot injury in the third week of increasing speed mileage (#typical). This led to us changing the sprints over to the rower and assault bike -- so now, with five weeks to go, my only true running is the long Sunday-morning piece. However, almost everything else I’m doing supports those sessions by having taken a sharp turn towards aerobic capacity and bodyweight strength. My ‘metcon’-style work these days is usually ridiculously long and pretty boring -- think anything that taxes the legs: biking and rowing mixed with long light high-rep sets of wallballs, thrusters, air squats, deadlifts -- but I’ve just had to accept that. (I halfheartedly complained at one point early on, and Coach shrugged and said matter-of-factly, “Well, it’s either this or more running,” so I immediately buttoned my lip!) :)

This brings me to...

Mentally

Going in, I tried to keep a semi-open mind -- after all, I did this for a solid decade prior to CrossFit; this could turn out to feel like a refreshing break for me. It might even be exciting to do something a little different for a while. No such luck, though; I’m actually finding this type of training to be tremendously more mentally fatiguing than regular CrossFit, for two main reasons.

First (and most obviously) -- compared to barbells and handstand push-ups and ‘three-two-one-go’, endurance training is just LONG and BORING. There have certainly been a few gratifying moments -- ‘accidentally’ running a sub-27-minute 5k during training, crushing 3000 calories in a day, realizing I’ve somehow become that girl who truly is most comfortable running in just a sports bra (who even AM I?!?). But it simply isn’t where my heart is. In hindsight, I’m pretty sure the only way I was able to convince myself that I ‘liked’ this for so many years is because back then I wasn’t physically ‘training’ so much as giving myself a forced MENTAL break -- shoving in my headphones, zoning out, letting my mind wander. Fast paces were things that occasionally ‘happened’ on days when I felt good, not things that I could deliberately strive for. As I mentioned above -- turns out it’s a whole different ball game (and a lot more mentally taxing) when you’re actually TRAINING at a prescribed intensity level and staying attuned to keeping yourself there.

And secondly, this type of training is a lot more isolating than I had bargained for -- both physically and mentally. Gym-wise, I knew it wouldn’t be fun to watch other people crushing their CrossFit goals while I sat on the assault bike plugging away at another hour-long conditioning piece… but I was at least somewhat mentally prepared for that part. What’s been harder has been the (many, many) hours when I’m NOT in the gym. Getting up at 4:00am to cover a dozen miles in the dark before work is not much fun, nor is forcing myself to drive to the track at 7pm after I’ve worked a full clinic day and just want to go home to bed. It’s also tough to feel as though nobody in my life can relate to both this odd set of obligations AND the (even odder) accompanying headspace -- after all, most endurance athletes choose this method of training because they genuinely enjoy it. And -- to add insult to injury -- because the repetitive pounding beats my body up in a whole new way, it means I have to be hyper-focused on recovery (I’m getting to that!)... which then FURTHER detracts from time that I could be spending training in a way that I DO actually enjoy.

Training is generally my favorite part of any given day, because I usually find it validating and motivating just by its own nature. So, lately, it’s been frustrating and demoralizing -- and, frankly, a little frightening -- to feel such a major piece of my life evolving into a chore. I’ve certainly completed marathons on far less training than this (albeit a lot more slowly and painfully), so there have been many moments when it’s been hard to stare down the gun barrel of WHAT DO YOU MEAN TEN MORE WEEKS (or however long). However, I’m trying to remain cognizant of the fact that this is temporary -- and that, the better-prepared I am for the marathon, the less of a toll it will take on my body -- and therefore, the faster I can jump back into the stuff I really love.

This brings me to…

Recovery

I'm being extraordinarily careful about prioritizing my recovery, in part because, with endurance training, problems tend to show up LATER rather than declaring themselves in the moment. Aches and pains tend to be related to overuse, rather than to any kind of obviously-pinpointable injury, which makes them more slippery and insidious -- and therefore more difficult to prevent (until the horse is already out of the barn, that is). This is not my first rodeo with regard to distance running -- I've completed five marathons, over a dozen half marathons, and quite a few triathlons -- so I’m well aware of this dynamic by now. I had a bone deformity in one of my feet as a teenager, and although it’s been corrected, I've still had the pleasure over the years of dealing with shin splints, Achilles tendinitis, severe plantar fasciitis, and two metatarsal stress fractures. The latter is the worst-case scenario for any runner -- because by the time you 'feel' a stress fracture, it's already too late. That’s exactly where I’ve ended up during two of my previous marathon training attempts -- and is a place that I’ve been valiantly trying NOT to revisit.

Knock on wood, this training program has kept me considerably healthier overall than any of my previous attempts (not coincidentally, it’s also been the plan with the smallest weekly run mileage!). As I mentioned, I did end up with a mild foot injury a couple of weeks ago (nothing ‘specific’ enough for a true diagnosis; my left foot/ankle just got ‘angry’ through the retinaculum and the lower segment of the tibialis anterior) -- but it was definitely a soft-tissue problem this time, nothing bony, and responded well to a couple of weeks off running, some RockTape, a better-fitting pair of shoes, and a couple sessions with the PT and the bodywork guru at my gym (both of whom I’m seeing about twice a month for dry-needling, cupping, taping, and various other ‘hurts so good’ interventions!). My coach and I are perfectly in line with our opinions on this, which is that -- if we have to choose -- it’s vastly preferable for me to reach the start line healthy and perhaps slightly underprepared, versus crush every mile of the training and then be in pain from the first five minutes on the day when it actually matters.

Honestly, I am feeling incredibly well-supported in terms of the team I have around me -- more so than I have been maybe EVER, athletically speaking -- and so (general saltiness aside) I’m actually managing to stay pretty calm, even during the acute injury phase. First, because it always feels like a small miracle to be able to lie down on the therapy table with legitimate pain, and then stand up a little while later with it having essentially vanished (!) -- but second, because of the sheer emotional comfort that lies in the knowledge that (for once in my life) I actually don’t have to worry about EVERY little thing, that ‘other people are taking care of’ some pieces of this puzzle. The three of them are all aware of ‘where I’m at’ physically, and are in communication as far as what they think is best for me, which is such a gift. Just the awareness of that support network provides me with a huge amount of reassurance -- AND additional motivation to ‘do my best for them’, after all the time and energy they’re investing in me. (The first time she dry-needled the injured area, the PT bade me farewell after the session with the admonishment, “Don’t f*ck up my good work.”)

Unrelated: one other thing I’ve found useful for recovery purposes has been my new Garmin watch (Fenix 5S). It’s definitely not a hundred percent accurate -- it’s very much an endurance watch and thus has absolutely no idea how to interpret regular CrossFit most of the time, so it occasionally tells me my weekly training load is ‘light’ or that my performance condition is ‘peaking’ when that is BLATANTLY FALSE -- but in terms of things like heart rate, daily stress level, and sleep quality, it’s fascinating to see numerical data that backs up my own internal gauges, and it’s admittedly also been pretty helpful nutritionally in terms of calorie burn estimates (I’m getting to that!). And although it’s apt to underestimate my effort output at times, there are other times when it keeps me honest; on one memorable occasion, my coach sent me a new month’s worth of programming, and I saw that my long Saturday metcons had been dropped in favor of more movements that were labeled as ‘for quality’ or ‘not for time’. This is the sort of stuff I tend to find ‘boring’, and I groaned internally as I made a note to ask her why she’d done that. However, before we even had a chance to discuss it, I completed my first Friday session on the new plan (over 60 straight minutes of biking, rowing, wallballs, lunges, running, and air squats, if you’re curious!) -- and as soon as I clicked my stopwatch off, Garmin popped up with a cheery little note: “Recovery Time 45 Hours / Easy Effort Recommended.”

Well then. As usual -- it seems Coach knows what she’s doing!

Awesome support crew and techie gadgets aside, a few other essential recovery things: -- compression socks or calf sleeves for the 24 hours following a long run -- supplements: vitamin D, krill oil, zinc/magnesium/B6, probiotics, vitamin C -- a consistent 9-9:30pm bedtime -- Epsom salt baths after the heaviest leg days -- tart cherry juice in my workout shake (helps reduce inflammation) -- and doing my best to NEVER be in a calorie deficit (more on this below).

Which brings me to...

Nutritionally / Fueling

One enormous and unexpected side benefit of this whole process is that I’ve had to become much more flexible and forgiving with regard to food. (This is something that definitely needed to happen, but I just couldn’t really foresee exactly how I was going to get there!) I’ve been following Renaissance Periodization for 18 months now (cut #1, short maintenance, cut #2, long maintenance, third/SHORT cut, now currently on maintenance again), and it has done phenomenal things for me (which is why I’ve stuck to it so rigidly until now); however, the origins of the program lie in weightlifting and strength training. To their credit, RP has put forth a lot of effort recently to try to tailor their approach to make it work for endurance training, and I definitely found their tools to be a pretty useful starting point in terms of calculating carb recommendations for long run days -- but I also learned that the math could really only carry me so far. A standalone long run is one thing, but it gets trickier when I’ve got (for example) a day with two training sessions, or a workout that’s maybe only an hour long but is almost entirely composed of sprints, or one of those super long Fridays where my ‘metcon’ is 60-100 minutes of work at “70% effort”. The bottom line is, at some point, you just have to take the toolbox you’ve got, start experimenting, and figure out what works for your body.

I’ve said before that I think one of the official RP hashtags should be #alwayslearning, and this training cycle has been no exception! While I obviously knew I would need more carbs/calories on long run days, I did NOT expect for the caloric demand to increase ACROSS THE BOARD as much as it did. It didn’t present as traditional ‘hunger’, so I didn’t recognize the ‘deficit dynamic’ at first -- but after a couple of great weeks initially, my performance and general well-being started to fall off around the 4-week mark. I wasn’t sleeping well, was feeling generally moody and anxious, and my long run paces were significantly slower than they had been up until that point. I also knew the scale had been running rather low, in the 138s-139s. However, none of this by itself was THAT far out of the range of ‘normal’, so it took me a week or two to put it all together. The larger picture didn’t fully click until, independently of one another, two separate CrossFit coaches (both of whom I’d only known for a month!) asked me if I had lost weight. That finally prompted me to look back at my daily scale trends, and I realized that my ‘maintenance’ was not actually maintenance; I’d slowly lost about two pounds over the course of the first month of endurance training.

Now, while two pounds is obviously not a tremendous amount of weight, this was still a super important phenomenon to identify and address, because in my case, it would NOT be beneficial for me to get any smaller right now. From a general health and performance standpoint, I’m already right where I need to be (my DEXA scan in July measured me at 17% body fat), which means that losing weight would fly directly in the face of ALL my goals: not just day-to-day performance and recovery, but also muscle retention. Muscle is a heavy and metabolically demanding tissue, so the body doesn’t want to hang onto more of it than it truly NEEDS -- so it’s one of the first things to go during heavy endurance training (ever checked out the physique of a Kenyan marathoner?). Since my primary goal is to preserve CrossFit fitness and performance, the last thing I want to do is sacrifice my hard-earned muscle on the altar of marathon training.

Another SUPER important facet to all of this is hormonal health -- which, unfortunately, seems to be one of those things to which I’m more sensitive than some other women. During the past 18 months of intermittent cutting, my body has shown me repeatedly that it haaaaaates being in an energy deficit (and that it will respond to this by promptly grinding my reproductive cycle to a halt for MONTHS). And while I don’t necessarily love everything about the monthly cycle, it’s an inescapable fact that estrogen is one of the best defenses I have against all this repetitive pounding on my feet. As I mentioned, I already have a history of two prior metatarsal stress fractures, both sustained during marathon training -- therefore, I absolutely need my biochemistry to hang in there this time around!

At any rate, in hindsight, I’ve been playing this RP game long enough now that I felt pretty stupid for not recognizing the ‘deficit phenomenon’ sooner. Once the light bulb came on, I started increasing calories, mostly carbs (amid a lot of jokes about my need for ‘supplemental frozen yogurt’); this immediately made performance feel much better and got my run paces back to the range where they needed to be. I’ve learned that 200g carbs seems to be the absolute minimum on a training day (and on most days it’s significantly more!), and that even on rest days I need a few more carbs (for recovery purposes) than my templates officially prescribe. However, it eventually turned out that in order to truly stabilize my weight (and to stop waking up hungry at two o’clock in the morning!), I ultimately had to slightly increase my training day fats as well. As we got deeper into the training plan and my sessions got longer, I also had to tweak my pre- and intra-workout strategies to figure out how best to fuel for a longer time duration (it’s not unusual nowadays for my Friday gym workouts to take over three hours -- meaning my regular fruit juice and whey shake alone simply isn’t sufficient) and/or what types of things I prefer to carry and consume while I’m out running. (On the plus side, my iron gut serves me well here; many runners suffer GI distress related to intra-workout nutrition, but it turns out there’s not a whole lot that I can’t tolerate!)

I’m definitely still tweaking and refining -- it (unfortunately!) isn’t as easy as just stuffing my face round the clock, because GAINING weight right now obviously wouldn’t be ideal either -- but I’m learning a ton, and, equally important, am also learning how to relax a little. My modus operandi for just about everything in life is that I tend to dive in at 120% enthusiasm, then have to slowly work my way back to a place of more moderation, and RP has been no exception. But this endurance training cycle has really forced me to try some different things as well as be a bit less rigid in general -- i.e. more willing to eat ‘combination’ foods (that don’t fall squarely into one macro category), and even to dine out in restaurants once a week or so. (Exhibit A: the best free meal I’ve had recently was a fried green tomato biscuit from Rise, when I did my long ten-mile run on a Sunday morning and then met up with two other runner friends for breakfast. LOOK AT THAT HEALTHY BALANCED RP MAINTENANCE LIFE. :)) Additionally, the necessity of (on many Sundays) fitting a homemade high-carb meal in between an early-AM long run and a full day of work means I’ve also learned how to make certain things in such a way that I actually enjoy them just as much as (or even more than!) the restaurant versions. For example, Aldi’s frozen sushi is surprisingly awesome, a home-assembled burrito bowl is totally on par with Chipotle, and (for me) a flatbread pizza in the toaster oven really does satisfy a pizza craving. I’m reaching the point where (MOST) food just isn’t really that exciting anymore -- which is actually a pretty great (mentally healthy) place to be.

Unintentional weight loss is one of those things that sounds like a #firstworldproblem to a lot of people -- and in another scenario, I can see how it could be! -- but honestly, I’m grateful to have experienced this ‘problem’, because the necessity of tackling it has been a pretty big eye-opener. This whole process has required a new level of intuition -- less straightforward following of a numerical macro chart, and more paying attention to my body’s physical, mental, and emotional cues. If I’m feeling ridiculously tired and depleted after a long workout (even if I don’t feel obviously ‘hungry’), or if I’m noticing that my hand ‘wants’ to flash out and grab the frozen yogurt when I open the freezer, then I probably need more carbs. If I wake up hungry at 2:00am, I probably didn’t eat enough fat that day. And, when eating foods I didn’t ‘plan’ for, it’s been validating to see that what often feels to me like a ‘crackout’ is usually just my body trying to maintain homeostasis. During the first few weeks of trying to sort through all this ‘data’, there were several occasions where I ate a larger-than-normal amount of something (usually the better part of a pint of frozen yogurt...) that I didn’t necessarily ‘plan’ to have. Each time, I fretted guiltily for a few minutes -- then did the actual macro/calorie math in the context of that morning’s workout and realized that my body had done EXACTLY what it was supposed to do, almost to the point of being eerie (as in, I worked for X minutes longer than last week, and today’s calories worked out to be X amount higher than last week -- without any intentional effort on my part to make it so. Biology is pretty neat). On some level, I do still ‘expect’ myself to self-sabotage -- and maybe always will expect that to some degree -- but these past couple months have reinforced to me yet again that my body truly does ‘know what it needs’ most of the time, and that I can actually ‘trust myself’ on a gut level a lot more than I tend to believe I can on a cerebral level.

What’s Next

We’re not quite tapering yet, but getting close. Tomorrow is my peak-length metcon -- by my reckoning, that portion alone is going to take about 95-100 minutes (!). But after tomorrow, Fridays will get somewhat shorter; the metcon portion will probably only take 20-30 minutes or so for the remainder of this cycle (and I’m laughing out loud at the fact that that genuinely sounds like a SHORT metcon to me now!). My long runs on Sundays will continue to build for another 3-4 weeks; the programming is written in ‘minutes’, not miles, and we lost some time because of the foot injury, but my rough calculations would suggest that I’ll make it to about 14-15 miles (on October 21st) before the two-week taper. (Which, yeah, is a bit shorter than ideal, but as I said above -- better 15 and healthy than 20 and broken.)

November 4th is the big day. I’m so, so ready to be done with this training, yet (I’ll admit) am also getting something of a ‘second wind’ mentally now that the end is finally in sight. And while I have no plans to ever (EVER) do another marathon after this one, I’m also not so jaded that I can’t recognize how very grateful I’ll be, come race morning, for all the blood, tears, and sweat (SO MUCH SWEAT) that I’m putting in right now.

In 38 days (38 days!), this will all be worth it.

[xonemi]

Bored So I'm Here to Rant

4 o'clock in the morning. I have been sleeping all day yesterday, and woke up around evening time. I saw my typewriter keyboard and have realized that I haven't been using it much.

Reasons for not using it. I mainly use it to type on my journal app called One Day. I haven't been able to do that because the journal app One Day is an iOS app and is not available for windows. My current laptop that I have is a Windows laptop. My Mac laptop that I have is being borrowed by my sister who lives far from me. Oh well.

I could just get a windows journaling app, but as it turns out I looked up the best journaling apps and Day One was number 1 and the next best one that can be used on Windows you have to pay monthly for premium. I am not paying for another journaling app. I already paid a one time deal for Day One.

Anyways, my rant is not about that. My rant is about pyramid schemes. In today's techy world, I am amazed people are still being BAMBOOZLED into pyramid schemes. Like hello? Google that shit maybe? Idk.

Look, I understand that not all pyramid schemes are scams, but they are still fucking pyramid schemes, which just doesn't seem right to me. BUT WHATEVER.

So I had a coworker friend who asked me to go with him to this "business" meeting with him. I thought it was just his aunt trying to sell some random crap. I know there are some people out there who need to do presentations on selling a product but they don't actually need everyone in the presentation to buy the product.

My initial thought was okay, go to this so called business meeting, listen to the presentation and then leave. But boy was I fucking wrong.

Days before the business meeting, my friend sends me and a group of people a link about the product. I look up the company, and I see articles about it being a pyramid scheme.

Already my mind is closed off. Like there's no way in hell anyone is going to get me into some damn pyramid scheme. I don't care if he is a really good friend, there is no way in fucking hell.

I stopped doing any more research because that is all I needed to know. Pyramid scheme. Nothing else will change my mind. But I still made a promise to my friend that I would go to this meeting, so I didn't back down.

Friday, I had to do overtime at my work. My plan was to only work 8hrs so that I could get some sleep because the stupid meeting was in the morning.

The weekend shift didn't have a properly trained person working the laboratory so the shift supervisor asked if I could stay the whole shift which was 12 hrs and ended at 4:30 in the morning.

I was livid, not because I had to stay but because someone who actually works that shift, is always going home early. I wanted to go home early, but couldn't yet this mother fucker was allowed to? And what makes me more mad is his reasons are lies. One time he used the excuse that his girlfriend's grandmother (who lived with him and his gf) was depressed and needed his help. If she really needed help, why the fuck is his gf partying it up? Posting vids on social media of her drinking the night away. It just fucking makes me so mad that this fucker gets away with anything… It's not my shift but still... Whatever.

Back to the pyramid scheme. I worked until 4 am. Got home and went straight to bed. I was hoping I could sleep through the morning meeting because I was so tired and I know that my friend won't be mad because he knows I worked until 4:30.

He ends up calling me after 9 am. I somehow wake up. I ignore the call cause my eyes literally wouldn't stay open. He leaves a voicemail saying that it's okay if we arrive at 10. My subconscious is starting to feel guilty. I did make a promise and I hate breaking promises. Since he said 10 was okay, I got up called him back and said okay I will leave now.

This foo goes, "don't leave yet because I still have to pick up our other co-worker, that way we could arrive at the same time."

I should have taken that moment to go to starbucks and get breakfast and coffee because what happened afterwards was just a shit show.

I get ready and leave after 10 mins. My GPS says I will arrive at 950. I get there and my friend calls me. He asks where I am at and I tell him that I was at the location already. This mother fucker tells me he's barely on the way. It will take him 30 mins to get to the location. LIKE BRUHHHH. Are you fucking kidding me?

I'm tired. I am a very cranky person in the morning. I am definitely not a morning person despite working 1st shift for 6 yrs. (I now work night shifts) I was fuming mad. But I stay calm. I look at instagram for awhile, I try to stay awake while I wait.

20 mins pass and this guy tells me that his uncle will pick me up and that I should just go ahead without him. This mother fucker gives him my phone number (I don't want calls from these people in the future, I might have to change my phone number.) and calls me telling me where to meet him. He takes me to their like lounge eating area. I sit there for almost another 20 minutes. My friend arrived almost fucking 11. They go to different area. Turns out the presentation already started. Thank goodness I didn't go there from the beginning. After 10 minutes of listening to the guy do his presentation, I was already over it.

This guy had no good selling points. I was squirming in my chair the whole fucking time. My other coworker brought her 5 year old son with her and he was dying of boredom. I looked at him and was all "you and me both man"

I really do believe that their product works. It seems to be a legit product. But that foo wasn't selling the product, he was selling the business. I am not an entrepreneur. Although I like money, I do not have the social skills to go around selling a product and a pyramid scheme. So this presentation was not geared towards me. I wanted to leave so badly.

The guy's selling point was that you had to pay $2500 and get 4 other people to pay $2500 and you could start making $500 a month. And from there it could only go up. First of all. I do not save money. I am a spender. There is no way I have $2500 in the bank on hand. That's not me. I barely have $300 at most, most of the time. The only reason I have actual money saved right now is because I am waiting for my speeding ticket. That is the only reason I have money right now. Once that speeding ticket is paid, I am back to being a broke ass bitch because I will more than likely spend the rest of the money left over after the ticket is paid.

Looking around the room during the presentation, the people there were mostly people over 50. Only me, my friend were under 40. It just blew my mind that they were all just very into the presentation. I felt like I was in a cult or something. They were really buying this dude's sell. Which understandably, I could see it. He made it seem easy to earn money through their program.

It really did seem easy to earn millions in a year. But this is where my problem lies. You have to go out there and recruit people. Recruit people to pay $2500 so that they can recruit people to pay $2500 so that those people could recruit people to pay $2500. Those older folks, could easily find people to spend that kind of money because they're old and probably have savings that could be used to pay that $2500 and have cultivated lots of friends, but me? Someone who has limited friends, who is shy, hates any social event, like bruhh, you're barking up the wrong tree here.

The second guy who spoke in the presentation, he was even worse than the first guy. He said "i'll make this short. 10 mins top." This fucker speaks for another 30 mins. Only stopped because the afternoon session started walking in.

He went on to talk about the types of people you needed to recruit. He used an acronym... He wrote EMPOWER on the board. So this is the type of person you need to recruit. E for Entrepreneur M for Motivated, P for positive, O for Open minded, W for Willing, E for Enthusiastic, R for (i forgot, i legit started tuning him out after awhile because I was bored and hungry and sleepy.)

First of all. My friend made the wrong choice in trying to get me into this. Even until now he is trying to convince me.

If there's one thing you should know about me is I am a very negative person, and the funny part is my friend knows this about me. Why he thought I would be POSTIVE here was actually a surprise. Open minded? YEAH NO. FUCK THAT. There is no way in hell I will ever be open minded about Pyramid scheme. I was open minded about their product, but definitely not their business structure. I am the type of person who loves to spend money on myself and others, but NOT ON PYRAMID SCHEMES. And then there's WILLING. Bruhhh I am so fucking lazy. The fact that I was willing to go to this business meeting in the first place was already too much for me. How many times I almost tried to cancel. If he wasn't a good friend to me, I would have done everything in my power to get out of it. But yeah me willing to put in any effort on a pyramid scheme is soooooooo not going to happen. Enthusiastic???? HHAHHAHAHAHHAH I had a sour face the whole time. You aint going to catch me be enthusiastic about any type of pyramid scheme.

I dont know. I still can't fathom why anyone would join a pyramid scheme.

A few hours ago my friend messages me before he went to sleep saying he was sorry he knew that I didn't have much sleep. I was fine. I just love to complain a lot (part of my negative vibe I am trying to put out into the world) anyways, I went to it that's all that matters to me, that I was able to keep my promise... but then this foo saw my "pyramid scheme" story on social media, and he sends me a video link titled "Is *COMPANY NAME* a scam?" I didn't watch the video. I went straight to the comments section. Of course the top comments are from "users" and "reps" of the company boasting about how great the company and the product is. All the way at the bottom was the real comment. The commenter said something about how the person on the video didn't mention anything about the company and their business structure, he was just selling the product. So was the video link my friend sent me proof that the company isn't a scam? NO. I never told him I thought it was a scam, i merely mentioned it was a pyramid scheme, and like I have said somewhere in this post that not all pyramid schemes are scams... I just don't like pyramid schemes.

Anyways, Pyramid schemes aren't for me. Nor will I partake in any form of joining them.

Side story which is funny and stupid... I didn't want my friend to look bad so I went straight to that stupid meeting without eating breakfast... when the person came and took me to the lounge area, they had donuts and coffee provided, my dumbass thought they might have put their product into the donuts or coffees so I didn't eat or drink anything there. hahahahha. I feel bad for my friend if he actually joined, hopefully he will be able to bamboozle someone else. that isn't me. He shouldn't tell our coworkers if he tries to recruit someone else from work that I went to that meeting, because let me tell you, there's no way I am lying to them. I will tell them not to join. AHahahhaha

[searchclickgrow]

How to Create a Website Funnel in 6 Easy Steps [2021]

So, you want to know how to create a website funnel?

You’ve probably read 101 examples, definitions, how-tos, and more. The reality is there’s a lot of information about funnels but a lot of it comes from people that don’t actually make them.

That’s where we differ. We’re an agency that uses websites and website funnels every day to help deliver results for our clients.

My promise to you is by the end of this article, you’re going to have a full understanding of what a website funnel actually is, see some examples that might help you in your niche, and have a complete A to Z step by step process (along with some awesome insider tips) on exactly how you can make a funnel to help you grow your business.

Sounds good?? Great… let’s jump right in!

What Is a Website Funnel?

Okay, so before I can really show you HOW to make a funnel, I need to establish a few baseline meanings and definitions.

There are quite a few takes, some of them okay and some just plain wrong. So let’s discuss what all this really means.

Definition of a Website Funnel

A website funnel, also called a marketing funnel, is a process you create using digital ads, webpages, and/or emails to attract buyers and guide them through a series of desired actions, typically ending with either a lead or a sale.

What this means in layman's terms is that instead of going to a home page of a business and YOU choosing which page or button to click next, there are typically only two choices… move forward through the funnel or stop, cancel, opt-out, or just leave the page.

Website vs Funnel

We’ve already established that a website funnel, or marketing funnel, is a guided experience that involves web pages (and other digital assets) in a linear progression.

How does that differ from a website?

A website funnel is a form of conversion-centric design that guides people through a series of simple choices until the end goal is met or the user opts out.

While a website is a series of web pages organized in a manner that the user can choose his path by selecting from many options and links (aka menus).

Why You Should Use Funnels

The reason why funnels are so useful boils down to how people make decisions.

Sparing you all the dull science behind this, essentially when people are faced with too many options they tend to not make ANY choice.

Note, I didn’t say “not make the right choice”... I said, “not make ANY choice”.

What does that mean?

Well, if you build a really cool fancy new website for your business and start driving ads to it say from Facebook, it’s very likely that the overwhelming amount of choices and information you have is confusing and causing people to hit the back button.

On the contrary, funnels are typically a “Yes/No” choice at any given point.

Do you want this free download?

Will you sign up for this webinar?

Will you fill out this form to talk to our team?

You’re presented with a value proposition of some kind (more on that later) and if your persona targeting (more on that later too) is right, then you’re proposing a solution to a problem to a group of people who have that exact problem.

Done correctly, they effectively sell themselves.

Oh, and did I mention that funnels work 24/7 365 days a year? So, you can replace your outbound sales efforts with a funnel and have leads and sales done for you on auto-pilot… once it’s built and all the kinks worked out of course!

Website Funnel vs Traditional Funnel

I’m pretty sure that the first time the word “funnel” was used in relation to business sales and marketing had nothing to do with websites or anything digital.

In fact, the first I heard it was doing sales training years and years ago.

It’s the same concept (minus the auto-pilot aspect) in that it was an established process or sequence of steps designed to take a person from a cold prospect to a hot lead ready to buy.

The main difference between a traditional and a website funnel is that the traditional is well… traditional. That is to say, it involves things like cold calling, mailers, billboards, call centers, door knocking, and the like to attract leads.

Then, there would typically be some form of manual presentation of the product along with big hooks to reel you in.

Not sure what I mean… think about door-to-door vacuum sales.

On the flip side, using the same psychology and understanding of how people make decisions, you can use modern technology to create automated systems to do the same thing that it used to take floors of sales reps to do.

Funnel Examples

Not sure exactly what I mean yet? No worries. We have quite a few examples for you to help SHOW you exactly what we mean.

Below are a few funnel diagrams (called funnel maps) that help illustrate the process a prospect would go through starting from various online traffic sources like Ads and Youtube, going through multiple forms of pages, and leading to some conversion event like becoming a lead or making a purchase.

Lead Generation

This example is one that is perfect for service-based businesses.

Instead of taking non-stop inbound calls from lookie-loo’s that waste your time, you can use ads to target your ideal customer, then guide them through a series of pages to help educate them and when they are ready, they can schedule a call with you that shows up on your phone automatically! Cool huh?!

eCommerce Funnel

Or, let’s say you have an e-commerce shop. Have you ever tried running ads straight to your main shop page only to see no sales? Yep… it’s not good.

Using a funnel like this, you can go from ad to sale automatically using emails and retargeting to help nurture your sales, as well as up and cross sales in your funnel to help you maximize your profit.

Okay… so hopefully by now, you know what a website funnel is and you’re ready to build one for yourself. Let’s go!

How to Create a Website Funnel Step by Step:

So now it’s time to make your funnel. Whether this is your first or your 100th, every one of these steps is critical.

When you really get down to it, there are only 3 things that create sales (or other decisions).

The Right Person

The Right Message

The Right Time

I’d say that every single funnel I’ve seen that wasn’t working well (including my own) was not because of the design or layout or what software I used. It was because the planning steps were wrong or off somehow.

Remember this: “People buy emotionally and then justify logically”

With that said, please follow these steps and don’t try to just put something up instantly because you can. The hard work in a funnel is in the first few steps… and they are the most important!

Step 1 - Who is Your Ideal Customer & What Do They Want?

So, this step is so important, that literally, we don’t touch a client project of any kind without diving in to understand and develop an avatar or ideal customer persona.

In fact, in our coaching program, it’s the first module of our training method and often the focus of most of our conversations. It’s THAT important.

A “customer persona”, sometimes called a “client avatar”, is a very clear depiction of exactly who your customer is.

I don’t just mean age and location here. I mean who are they? What do they want? What do they fear? What are their goals and dreams?

So, how do you build one?

Write Down Your Customers

First, take any customers you have and figure out the ones you like doing business with the most.

If you’re new, you may need to find friends that closely fit who you think will buy your product/service. It’s important to remember the word BEST here… not ALL of your clients. Think your favorite 5-10%.

Interview Your List

Next, you need to talk to your list of people and ask them some questions. You want to start with the basic demographic questions like age, location, and other basic demo questions.

Then, you get into the important emotional-based questions. Remember since people buy emotionally, this is where the real magic is.

The important thing here is to ask open-ended questions and truly listen and empathize. Don’t cut people off… really listen.

Example questions I ask:

What is your current #1 frustration?

What is your biggest dream or goal?

Notice I didn’t ask questions like “what is your current #1 frustration with your [insert product name]”??

That’s because I want to know what really drives people. Sometimes you sell a product and think you’re selling it because of one reason, but the reality is much different.

Just truly get to know your customer and you’ll do just fine… oh and take lots of notes… you’ll need them!

Create a Persona Sheet

Now that you’ve done your interviews and you’ve taken notes, you now need to digest all of that info and find the commonalities.

Let’s say you sell baby products to moms. Was their current struggle not having enough time? Maybe not knowing what to do? Whatever the common trend was, you now need to make a sheet and write these down.

Start with the demographic basics as well as the big motivating questions. Once you have all that on a sheet, you have all the ammo you need to make this funnel kick butt!

Step 2 - Map Out Your Funnel

Next, it’s time to map out your website funnel!

Depending on the needs of your customer and the type of product/service you have these can vary greatly.

However, there are a minimum few things that all funnels need:

A source of traffic - FB ads, Google Ads, Organic traffic, social, email, etc.

A landing page - a page that explains the core offer to the prospect

A conversion event - this could be just filling out a form on the previous page and hitting a thank you page.

However, there are a few more common items including in funnels such as upsells, emails, and sometimes even phone calls and SMS. The sky is the limit. You just have to think about your customer and what’s best/easiest for them.

If you’re not an expert here (which I assume you’re not if you’re reading this article), then it’s best to have some templates to go off of, then customize as you need.

For mapping, we typically use either Google Drawings (free) or Funnelytics (free & paid plans). All of the examples shown in this article were made with Funnelytics.

Also, a cool bonus feature in Funnelytics is it tracks the performance of your funnel (more on that below). We use this for all of our and our client funnels.

Step 3 - Write Your Copy For Each Step

Now that you have your funnel map, you have a list of all the items you need to write copy (or words) for.

Using your map as a checklist, start writing your copy in a word doc. Don’t try to design and write. You need to focus on the message, the core offer, and the root of the problem you help your persona solve!!

Copywriting is a huge thing to cover and we can’t give it justice in this article, but here’s a few pro tips:

Keep on message! It’s easy to stray and include things that aren’t part of the core picture. Focus on the persona’s problem and what you do to solve that problem, to make their life better, etc.

Use stories to relate to your audience. Don’t just tell them WHAT you do… tell them WHY you do it, WHY it matters to you. Remember people buy emotionally… and stories help convey emotion!

Be crystal clear with your message and refrain from using “fluff words”.

Write problem-focused high-impact headlines. Your headline should immediately tell you what you do and who you do it for in less than 2 seconds.

Make your offer (conversion event) easy to understand. If it’s a product, what comes with the product, is there a warranty or refund period, when will I get it, etc. If it’s a service, what should I expect next, when will the service be done, will you call me or I call you, etc.

Focus on benefits and NOT features. Don’t tell me the specs of your product, tell me how it’ll impact my life. No one cared about the bit rate of the iPod… they cared because of the slogan “1000 songs in your pocket.” That phrase empowered people, not the format or battery life or other meaningless spec or feature.

Make sure your ads are written to catch attention… tell the problem, but it must have a wow factor to stand out.

Once you have all your copy done, time to build your funnel!!

Step 4 - Design & Build Your Funnel

Similar to above, if you’re not a full-time coder and/or designer, it’s highly advisable that you use some themes here or tools meant to do the job.

Here’s a quick list of tools you could use:

SiteFunnels.com - disclaimer, this is our tool, but we love it and use it every day. It’s easy to use and handles both websites and funnels or both.

Unbounce - landing page/funnel builder software that’s easy to use and has lots of 3rd party integrations.

WordPress - for those a little more DIY, WordPress is used to power roughly 30% of the web, is open source, and only costs the price of your hosting. With the advent of drag and drop added to WordPress, non-coders can easily use this for websites and funnels. Though, there are a lot more settings and a steeper learning curve than the other options.

This isn’t a complete list of all the funnel tools, but these are our favorite. :)

When building your funnel, here are a few design and layout tips:

Ensure your main headlines are big, easy to read, and clear of distractions.

Use size, color, and spacing to draw attention to the most important parts of your copy and offer.

Use visual breakups, such as sections, boxes, images, bold, lists, colored text, headings, buttons, and more to make it appealing to read.

NOTE: If your funnel outline uses things like email, SMS, phone, chatbots, or others, then you’ll need to set up those systems as well. Just make sure the design and messaging are consistent when jumping from one channel to another like that so that the experience for the customer is seamless.

Step 5 - Test & Launch Your Funnel

Okay… so if you’re still with me, you should have a funnel ready to go out into the world. But, before we do, just a couple of other things you need to do.

Install tracking software - Google Analytics, Facebook Pixel, Funnelytics (from above), and some marketing automation systems have software to be able to track your results. This is a critical component of your funnel. You need to measure the results.

Test your funnel - don’t go live without testing. You, a friend, someone you work with, etc. need to go through this funnel from start to end as a customer to ensure everything they see is what it’s supposed to be.

Turn on your traffic and launch!! - You’re ready to go, just activate your links, traffic, ads, or whatever is driving people to the front of your funnel and you’re ready to go!

Monitor and update - you want to watch this and ensure that the funnel is performing. If not, make tweaks until it is. However… you need to give it time to test.

Don’t think the first 20-100 visits to your funnel should be making you rich. Take your time, but be ready to adjust when needed.

Recap

So, we covered a lot in this article from what a website funnel is to our core 5 steps to creating a funnel and lots in between.

If you’re looking to learn more, click this link to learn about our SCG Method Course where we break down our entire process of how to plan, build, launch, and grow any business online.

[coll2mitts]

#89 Head (1968)

From the minds of Jack Nicholson and Bob Rafelson, is a 110 minute acid trip featuring The Monkees.  Their television show had been recently cancelled, and this movie is essentially their former-Disney star “I’m an adult!” moment in an attempt to break free of their preassigned roles and become Serious Artists.

I cannot adequately express the despair I felt when Head literally announced there would be no plot to this movie, and would instead be a series of skits.  It makes sense in the context of The Monkees, since they were formed for a television show.  Each section of the movie has a different genre, ranging from a traditional Western, a boxing movie, a television commercial, a stage-performed musical number, horror... they are all here, which makes an overall narrative pretty hard to discern, other than The Monkees’ general discontentment with their current position.

It begins similarly to A Hard Day’s Night, where the Monkees are being chased by... we don’t know what yet, but we can assume it is not excited teenage girls.  They then launch themselves off of a bridge, trip on LSD, find some mermaids, and hold a kissing contest that only triggered my Covid-spread panic.  The movie doesn’t give you much time to breathe before it comes in hot with a football player attacking soldiers, a football stadium cheering for war, and The Monkees playing a live concert with a screaming crowd cut together with scenes of civilians being killed during the Vietnam war.

Not gonna lie, I didn't think I'd have to address the Vietnam War at all during this project (unfortunately, Meet the Feebles took that assumption away from me rather quickly).  To be honest, I was really expecting this more from The Beatles, especially with John Lennon's very famous pivot to anti-war protest songs.  In college, I wrote a sociology paper on the Vietnam War's influence on popular culture and the function of the media created, and not once in all my research were The Monkees even seriously cited, other than some coy allusion that “Last Train to Clarksville” might have had something to do with a soldier travelling to an army base.  I was so taken aback by the opening scene of this movie, that I literally pulled out my paper and the books I had purchased to write it to see if I had missed something.  There was ONE sentence about Mike Nesmith singing a protest song before he joined The Monkees.  Granted, if you were alive during the 1960s, to be ignorant of the war in general would have been so incredibly tone-deaf.  Had I realized this movie would be political in any way, I would have expected this.  In one book, the author had compiled over 750 songs that directly addressed the war.  Record sales tripled during the decade, and Woodstock might be the most famous festival we’ve ever held in the US - processing the war through music was very much *a thing*.  So, of course, I had to dive into this, because my brain can't just be like, "Well, I guess The Monkees hated the Vietnam War like the majority of the population, I guess.”

There wasn’t much to find, other than this bizarre clip of Davey Jones on an 80s talk show bragging and singing about how he had evaded the draft.  Turns out, the writer/director of this picture, Bob Rafelson, really controlled the message of this movie, and he inserted these scenes as commentary on the performative aspect of war, and how television “...makes you inured to the realities of life.  Oh yes, it brings it into the living room, but then you don’t have to fucking deal with it.  There is no distinction made between the close-up of the young girl responding hysterically to the appearance of The Monkees and to the shot of the assassination at the same time.  And then the hysterical girls attack the stage where The Monkees are playing and shred their clothing off.  But they’re not The Monkees, they are wooden dummies.  They’ll shred anything, as long as it’s the thing to do.  Rape the stage, attack the musicians, real or unreal, who cares?  And it was just pointing out that there was a sort of a mindlessness to, as The Beatles used to complain all the time, to the appreciation of the music.”

There’s a lot going on in this statement...  I’ll agree that the constant barrage of violence and unrest eventually numbs you to it.  Especially now, with a 24-hour news cycle, and twitter just bombarding you with every fucking egregious thing going on in the world at once.  A sense of hopelessness overtakes you; The doom-scrolling will only pacify you into not acting, because what the fuck can you do to change anything?  There are too many problems, and they’re too large to solve on your own.

The second part of this statement, where teenage girls will do anything “as long as it’s the thing to do” is pretty insulting.  I suppose the attitude of teenage girls being easily manipulated to enjoying things was amplified with Beatlemania.  Its continued on, where bands like New Kids on the Block, The Backstreet Boys, and One Direction are immediately dismissed as superfluous because teenage girls like them, and teenage girls are shallow because they’re driven by their hormones.  What’s unbelievably frustrating about this mindset is it has been disproved time and time again, INCLUDING The Beatles.  I know more dudes who rep for them than I do women.  Shit, in this dumpsterfire of a year, Harry Styles’ new album has been one of the few positive things that has kept me going, and that came out 10 months ago.  With the success of kpop as well, a lot more people are starting to come around to “manufactured content that teenage girls like can be good, actually”.

The Beatles complaining about how their music is secondary to the mania about them is really rich, considering their legacy now.  It’s not like they were that attractive or charming... I sat through 2 of their movies and the only person I even mildly connected with was Ringo, because he was a goofy dope.  I’m fairly certain teenage girls were buying their records and going to their shows because they liked the music.  As a former teenage girl, let me tell you, the illusion of depth and sensitivity is way more attractive than a pretty face.

Teenage girls made The Monkees and The Beatles successful, and for the director, who directly profited off of that success, to make a movie that criticizes them really rubs me the wrong way.  Also, it was the fucking 1960s, about as volatile of a decade as you could get *until* now.  Maybe teenage girls focused so much on The Monkees and The Beatles because it was one of the few uncomplicated things that could bring them reprise from the violence unfolding around them.  But whatever, disparage their money lining your pockets, I guess.

The skits afterward are pretty unremarkable.  Micky is in the middle of a desert trying to get happiness out of a Coke machine, only to find it, and the task itself empty.  He then blows up the Coke machine with a tank given to him by the Italian army.

The Monkees are given a tour of a manufacturing facility, only to see what they are producing isn’t a quality product, and the workers themselves are either fake, or endangered by the endeavor.  There’s a few scenes where they fight against their predetermined personalities in the band, or what their fans might think of their behaviors.  They are used in a dandruff shampoo advertisement and vacuumed up and held hostage in a black box.  There is an outstanding upbeat musical number performed by Davy (and Toni Basil!) about a boy whose father left him.  He lays it all out on the dance floor, only to be criticized by Frank Zappa of all people, for not having a message in his music that will save the youth of America.

While they are searching for answers on how to escape the box they’re trapped in, or purpose in what they’ve accomplished, they find nothing.  Peter tries to enlighten them with a bunch of culty bullshit, but instead Davy loses his shit and starts physically attacking literally everything featured throughout the movie, culminating in The Monkees running from their movie studio and jumping off a bridge to free themselves.  They unfortunately are captured and shoved back in the black box, awaiting the next time they will be carted out to market something else for The Teens to buy.

I probably don’t need to tell you that this movie flopped.  The studio purposely left The Monkees out of all the promotional material because they thought it might detract from the serious motion picture they were trying to release.  The problem with this, however, is if you don’t know anything about The Monkees, this movie is not going to make sense to you.  I had to watch several behind-the-scenes clips to get any semblance of an idea what they were trying to achieve.  Sure, the Capitalism and Manufactured Entertainment is Bad theme is pretty easy to pick out, but why The Monkees were the ones saying this after being immersed in the middle of it for three years is an important position to understand beforehand.  And even if you were a Monkees fan, like my mother was, this basically shits on their entire experience in show business, so it probably doesn’t hit too well with their core demographic, either.  I respect what they were trying to do here, but it’s no mystery to me why this movie has almost entirely been lost to time.

I’d like to say this ends my series on rock bands that decided to make musical movies, but next on the list is a little story about a pinball-wizard-that-could, Tommy.

[useyourrwords]

Down the TBR Hole 1.16 // To Read Soon – Part 3/4

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!

I’m having to make a lot of them lately and let me just say, it is not easy for someone who gets overwhelmed by doing food shopping!

Literally this was my mood earlier this month.

This week we’re back at it again the Down the TBR Hole Post and I won’t lie to you…

I am over writing these fucking intros!

Do I give a full summary of everything I’m doing so far?

Do I just jump straight in?

Do I make a funny joke about drowning under my TBR…AGAIN???

I hope, at least that y’all are enjoying these because I’m starting to not like them so much but I am so close to finishing! Also it’s for sure my fault for literally writing only these posts for weeks straight while I was on a break. That’s what you get for doing the same thing over and over again, you fucking idiot. I’m never doing THAT again.

Here’s some more books I’m either keeping on my TBR or dumping…

I can’t wait for this to be over. I’m never leaving going through my TBR for this long again! 

If you would like to buy any of the following books please consider using my Book Depository Affliate link!

     Added May 2017

1.│The Bone Season│The Bone Season #1│Samantha Shannon│ I added this because…This is one of those books that I kept seeing everywhere and was interested to read it. Stay or Go? Go!

2.│Challenger Deep│Neal Shusterman│

│ I added this because…Nisha told me to read it. Stay or Go? Stay! I will get to this eventually!

3.│Steelheart│The Reckoners #1│Brandon Sanderson│ I added this because…Because apparently I need another book by an author I haven’t read yet on my TBR. Stay or Go? Go! I don’t want to support this author anymore.

4.│Noughts & Crosses│Noughts & Crosses #1│Malorie Blackman│

│ I added this because…This sounds like a great sci-fi that looks at racism and prejudice. Stay or Go? Stay!

5.│The Geek Feminist Revolution│Kameron Hurley│

│ I added this because…A book that focuses on geek culture and feminism is my kind of book. Stay or Go? Stay!

6.│The Last Place You Look│Roxane Weary #1│Kristen Lepionka│

│ I added this because…It’s another thriller hiding in my TBR! Stay or Go? Stay! This one looks really good, plus the main character is bisexual!

Added June 2017

7.│Milk and Honey│Rupi Kaur│

│ I added this because…This is the poetry book everyone has been talking about for years. Stay or Go? Move to my Poetry shelf.

8.│Unwind│Unwind #1│Neal Shusterman│ I added this because…This sounds fucking bonkers. Stay or Go? Stay!

9.│Midnight at the Electric│Jodi Lynn Anderson│ I added this because…The premise sounded interesting enough. Stay or Go? Go!

10.│Vigilante│Kady Cross│

│ I added this because…This sounds like a really great concept along the lines of Sweet Vicious which is a show I fucking loved and was devastated when the cancelled it. I’m still devastated to be honest. Stay or Go? Stay!

11.│Kings of the Wyld│Nicholas Eames│The Band #1│ I added this because…Sounds like a fun fantasy! Stay or Go? Go! This is another adult fantasy I should probably just accept I’m never going to get around to reading.

12.│All The Crooked Saints│Maggie Stiefvater│

│ I added this because…I have only read The Raven Boys by Stiefvater and absolutely loved it (Imma get to the whole series soon…Hopefully) and this sounds like it’s gonna be really good as well! Stay or Go? Stay!

Added July 2017

13.│Final Girls│Riley Sager│ I added this because…‘You know it’s thriller Thriller night’ Also Krystin said it’s good so I wanna read it. Stay or Go? Stay!

14.│Forest of a Thousand Lanterns│Rise of the Empress #1│Julie C. Dao│

│ I added this because…If I’ve gotten this correct, this book centres on the villain? Stay or Go? Stay!

15.│Words on Bathroom Walls│Julia Walton│

│ I added this because…In my last post I talked about how schizophrenia is an illness that has entwined itself into my life. Stay or Go? Stay!

16.│A Map for Wrecked Girls│Jessica Taylor│ I added this because…That cover… Stay or Go? Go!

17.│A Skinful of Shadows│Frances Hardinge│ I added this because…‘This is the story of a bear-hearted girl . . .’ Stay or Go? Go!

18.│The Near Witch│The Near Witch #1│Victoria Schwab│ I added this because…It’s my fave author’s first book!!! I gotta! Stay or Go? Stay!

19.│Godblind│The Godblind Trilogy│Anna Stephens│ I added this because…This sounds dark and twisty which is exactly my kind of fantasy. Stay or Go? Stay!

20.│London Belongs to Us│Sarra Manning│ I added this because…This sounded like a nice light romance. Stay or Go? Go!

21.│Malice│The Faithful and the Fallen│John Gwynne│ I added this because…Looks like a good and brutal fantasy! Stay or Go? Stay!

Added August 2017

22.│If We Were Villains│M.L. Rio│

│ I added this because…Ooooooohhhhh this sounds so good?? Stay or Go? Stay!

23.│The Queen of All that Dies│The Fallen World #1│Laura Thalassa│ I added this because…I think this was another cover add. Stay or Go? Go!

24.│Gotham Academy Vol 1│Gotham Academy #1│Becky Cloonan│ I added this because…I’ve been drawn to this series a few times and have never quite picked it up. Stay or Go? Move to my TBR Grahpic Novels Shelf.

25.│The Inexplicable Logic of My Life│Aire Benjamin Sáenz│

│ I added this because…I really loved Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. Stay or Go? Go! Think I’m going to give this one a miss.

26.│The Beekeeper’s Apprentice│Mary Russell #1│Laurie R. King│ I added this because…I added this after binge watching Sherlock. Stay or Go? Go!

27.│A Study in Charlotte│Charlotte Holmes #1│Brittany Cavallaro│ I added this because…I also added this after binge watching Sherlock. Stay or Go? Stay!

28.│Charlotte Says│Red Eye│Alex Bell│ I added this because…I read the first book and OMG it was so good, I could literally see my heart beating in my chest I was the on edge! Stay or Go? Stay!

29.│Darien│Empire of Salt #1│Conn Iggulden│ I added this because…It gave me Game of Thrones vibes. Stay or Go? Go!

30.│The Forbidden Wish│The Forbidden Wish│Jessica Khoury│

│ I added this because…Aladdin retelling! Stay or Go? Stay!

31.│Evil is a Matter of Perspective: An Anthology of Antagonists│Adrian Collins│ I added this because…A whole anthology about villains! Stay or Go? Go! Too hard for me to get a hold of.

32.│The Handmaid’s Tale│Margaret Atwood│

│ I added this because…I know I should read it. It’s a classic for a reason. It’s important. Stay or Go? Go! Me and classics don’t get along. I’ll catch the TV series.

33.│Lord of Flies│William Golding│ I added this because…Again. It’s a classic. I should read it. Stay or Go? Go! Honestly I know I’ll never pick it up.

Added September 2017

34.│Carrie│Stephen King│ I added this because…I’ve been wanting to read a Stephen King novel for a while now. Stay or Go? Moved to my Undecided shelf. I bought IT earlier this year so I’m going to read that one instead and if I enjoy it this one might come back.

35.│The Emperor’s Blades│Chronicle of the Unhewn Throne #1│Brian Stavely│ I added this because…Another high fantasy people love. Stay or Go? Go!

36.│Hex Hall│Hex Hall #1│Rachel Hawkins│ I added this because…I love Rachel Hawkin’s #sexyhistory Twitter threads and I enjoyed her Rebel Belle series. Stay or Go? Go!

37.│Nice Try, Jane Sinner│Lianne Oelke│

│ I added this because…A high schooler competing in a reality TV show sounds fucking wild and as someone who loves reality TV this sounds great! Stay or Go? Move to the LGBTQIAP+ Shelf

38.│Evenfall Vol 1│In the Company of Shadows #1│Ais│

│ I added this because…After I finished the All for the Game series I went on the search for other book that were similar, this was one of them. Stay or Go? Move to the LGBTQIAP+ Shelf

39.│Cut & Run│Cut & Run #1│Abigail Roux│

│ I added this because…This was another one of the books I found when looking for more like AftG. Stay or Go? Move to the LGBTQIAP+ Shelf

40.│When We Were Worthy│Marybeth Mayhew Whalen│ I added this because…I’m pretty sure I saw this on Netgalley but didn’t want to commit to an arc. Stay or Go? Go!

41.│The Roanoke Girls│Amy Engel│

│ I added this because…The mystery around Roanoke has always intrigued me so I’ll be interested in anything with the word in the title. Stay or Go? Stay! This is giving me major Sharp Objects vibes.

42.│All the Missing Girls│Megan Miranda│ I added this because…This was another thriller add. Stay or Go? Go!

43.│In Other Lands│In Other Lands #1│Sara Rees Brennan│

│ I added this because…Mermaids. Stay or Go? This ones hard because on the one hand it sounds like it’s not the most well written book but on the other apparently the bi rep is great and I need more of that in my life…Fuck it, I’m moving it to my LHBTQIAP+ Shelf!

44.│Bad Girls│Aurora Yeo│ I added this because…This sounded promising on Netgalley, but not promising enough to commit to an arc. Stay or Go? Go!

Added October 2017

45.│The Afterlife of Holly Chase│Cynthia Hand│ I added this because…Unlikeable female protagonist are my shit. Stay or Go? Stay! This has inspired me to make a whole new exclusive shelf for Christmas reads! I’ve never been someone who goes out of my way to read Christmas books during December but I think I might start!

46.│Red Winter│Red Winter Trilogy #1│Annette Marie│

│ I added this because…To cover is really pretty and the premise sounded interesting. Stay or Go? Go!

47.│Bubblegum│Sari Taurez│

│ I added this because…This sounded promising on Netgalley, but not promising enough to commit to an arc. Stay or Go? Go!

48.│This Monstrous Thing│Mackenzi Lee│ I added this because…I love Mackenzi Lee Stay or Go? Stay!

49.│The Wife Between Us│Greer Hendricks│Oct 2017│ I added this because…Oh look, another thriller I added with little to know research. To be fair, it wasn’t out when I added it. Stay or Go? Go!

50.│Sleeping Beauties│Stephen & Owen King│ I added this because…Oh look it’s another Stephen King Novel. Stay or Go? Moved to Undecided.

I’m getting so much better at being decisive!

This series has been like decisiveness training. Look out food shopping, I’m coming for you next!

July, August & September 2017 were all very busy adding months for me!

So how’d I do?

I kept 19 and got rid of 22 whole books! I moved around 9, some of which are definite TBR’s, while a couple were for undecided.

What books have you been recommended by other readers that you promised to read but never did? Do you read Christmas themed books in December? Has anyone else watch Sweet Vicious??? I can’t be the only one!

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[kotorno]

I watched the Adventure Time finale...

I’m proud that show was able to last as long as it did, especially with just how... kind of batshit insane the production got in its later seasons. I’m glad it kickstarted the careers of many great creators who have gone either to helm or create their own unique and diverse shows. I can tell that, at least in the early days, there was a big brewing pot of ideas and the “anything goes” mentality allowed different creators to tackle what they wanted with the program. The likes of many popular shows today are either rooted or inspired and admired by this show. And that’s fantastic. The finale was underwhelming. Truthfully I never really kept up with the show, so that’s probably part of it. AT came on the air when I was in college and when I wasn’t busy with games, studies, etc. the only show I tended to really watch at the time was Phineas and Ferb (and you can mock me all you want about that, I still stand by that that was a great show (that also had a nice run... until either Disney or the creators are trying to ruin it/recreate it without being the same show with their new product, but that’s another dumb talk for another time)). Adventure Time would have initially premiered when I was in my Junior of college, so yeah, probably didn’t watch it that much but respected a lot of the voice talent and kind of silly style the show had going for it. I’d watch it on and off through the years and get invested in some of the bigger multiparters such as the return of the Lich (never really understood it too much other than it was just evil), the really cute relationship Finn had with the Flame Princess until someone went “we don’t know how to write this and this is a show about adventure!” so they kind of just... stomped on that, and then the introduction of the being known as Prismo, who was pretty dang cool. A good friend of mine and I began bonding over cartoons because we watched a lot of them. Cartoons are, by in large, vehicles for everyone. They get this bad rep that they’re “kid’s stuff” and I can see why if you have stupidly easy to produce shows that just rely on fart jokes or the like. But we didn’t really see that. This drove us both back to watch Adventure Time, since we wanted to catch up on all the current cartoons. The episode we ended up watching... I think it was a two-parter, was about Finn’s dead-beat dad and getting him out of jail so he could then... betray his son to go somewhere? They killed off Prismo (at least for now), Finn lost an arm, and it seemed like things were getting tense. ...then Finn grew an arm back a few episodes later like, “lol, nothing bad happened.” For both of us, though my friend was already bothered by the two-parter we had watched, we kind of viewed the show has not really wanting to take itself seriously. Like there was this sense that yes, they wanted to have high stakes. Yes, they wanted to create this big expansive story (that the creator of the show kind of just said didn’t really exist or wasn’t extremely fleshed out when the show began, it was just a fun weird idea he had). But it seemed like someone burst into the writing room and went, “NO, WE CAN’T DO THAT. WE NEED TO REVERT IT BACK TO A FUN HAPPY JOLLY ADVENTURE” This seems to have persisted for the rest of the show’s duration.

Random side characters would be brought back, changed up, revived, killed off again, all for the sense of some kind of “drama” but then episodes would go “lol forget that happened” as if the writers were literally fighting with each other on what the hell they wanted to do now that most of their founding talent had moved onto other projects. Not to say anything bad of the last few seasons, but it just seems no one was willing to compromise to make something vaguely coherent. I realize that’s hilarious given that the first few episodes are anything but, but that seems to come from again a time when the series really wasn’t MEANT to have a large overarching narrative. I think with a lot of shows that have appeared since then, everyone just assumes “oh, this is a big overarching story with a beginning, middle and end and we’re just getting pieces of it at a time” such as the like with Steven Universe, the recent Ducktales reboot and parts of Gravity Falls. But I think the proof is in the pudding: This isn’t a “grand scheme, J.K. Rowling had most of the ideas for Harry Potter set out when she wrote the first book,” this is more of a, “Nomura realized he was going to make more Kingdom Hearts games and had to write by the seat of his pants in order to make a long narrative, making up new crap as he goes along.” There’s nothing wrong with that second one when done correctly, lots of older shows such as Star Trek: TNG were able to do this pretty competently. But when I think about it I think back to college when an old roommate and I were discussing the manga, “Bleach” which was beginning(?) or at least had signs of wrapping up at the time. I argued that Bleach overstayed its welcome, had horrendous pacing issues, and was plaguing itself with the most (at the time) bloated ending (which ended up NOT being the ending, fancy that). My roommate argued that once the series was completed, he would reread it and he was sure it would all make sense read as one package rather than the weekly updates we got.

So a few years passed and Bleach finally ended. My former roommate set himself out to do this task. He was kind of disappointed to find out that what I had said was true: The pacing got sloppy after a certain point, new powers get introduced pretty much at random, and fights last for goddamn ever (and this is the MANGA) leading to a really “meh” ending that feels extremely forced... after two other arcs that also felt extremely forced since they go against that proposed “what everyone thought would be” ending.

I feel like Adventure Time will be viewed in a similar light in the future. From the limited knowledge I have, it seems the “writers fighting over” what to do with Finn, Jake and the characters did indeed happen. There were plans for a movie, then it got canceled, then they tried to revive it, then they wanted to do specials and finally they just got a few more seasons. While I’m sure some would say, “well of course Cartoon Network would give them more seasons, it’s their most popular show!” Well it isn’t anymore. It hasn’t been for a while. The fact the show got a few more seasons seems more on good faith of “this product was good in the past, maybe it can still shine” they say as they cram Teen Titans Go literally to everywhere on their schedule. By the time my friend and I had watched the episode with Finn’s dad, Steven Universe had become huge on the network and many fans of AT, who liked some of one of the main original writer’s stories for that show, switched over to their new show instead. Cartoon Network was also premiering new shows around this time with We Bare Bears and Clarence, which had their own form of a humor that was relatable (like the ones found in AT) but without having a confusing as heck backstory/world. These shows became pretty popular because they did things without even making a fuss out of them (one of the characters in Clarence has two moms, and no one questions it, it’s just acceptance. There’s even a joke in that show about one of the characters waiting for a blind date, sees a hot guy and gets excited, then finds out he’s actually on a dinner date with his boyfriend/husband, it’s honestly masterly crafted). This kind of left AT in the dust for a bit as it’s weird show was becoming more serialized to the akin of the later seasons of Spongebob -- When in doubt, do something weird, or dumb or maybe shock-value (substitute for Spongebob’s gross-out humor) just to get views.

It seems the dust finally settled as the writers were able to come up with SOMETHING in order to end plot threads that were set up or messed up or whatever. Did you know Ice King was a regular human from before an apocalyptic war? It was a pretty cool reveal. Cool. Now there’s just a magic time portal for some reason and he’s no longer cursed for a bit and his wife is here. Oh, but he’s Ice King again and doesn’t remember her so... his wife will just wander the wilderness or something now? Okay... Jake’s an alien now. In hindsight, sure, it makes sense, but it feels like many of these ideas are just thrown at the wall for the sake of making “lore” when it’s really just making random crap up to make the show feel more “deep.” (Seriously, go look at the Kingdom Hearts plot to see the master of this craft.)

In the end, the finale wraps with a war... or not... it just kind of devolves into this thing for a bit where Finn has to confront his fears one last time, Bubblegum (who was just kind of shit on a bit from the writers during the later seasons) has to fight her uncle?? But then they make peace, and then a giant demon shows up for some reason because Ice King’s wife summoned it. Why did she summon it? What was the purpose? “Well I wanted my husband back” yeah ok, but... giant demon? The f*ck? Then through the power of music they kind of banish it... it’s... weird. I mean it makes sense for the show, and it’s definitely not a terrible episode. But it feels like they really wanted to play up, “LOOK AT THIS EPIC TALE WE’VE WEAVED, YOU BETTER HAVE NOTICED ALL THE DETAILS!!” for their last shebang. And that’s really the problem: The show was never set up like that to begin with. It was set up as a funny show with silly gags and interesting locales for characters to explore from episode to episode. If they ever did something that had consequences (in the earlier seasons at least) something would be done with a quick explanation of dialogue or something that gave the viewer indication as to what was going on, so they wouldn’t be lost. If you’ve watched Steven Universe at all, this show does it pretty brilliantly. Even with more recent episodes that have become heavily story-driven, you can start an episode without having seen ANY of the previous and it’s easy to work your way into. Having that previous knowledge helps, but the shows are constructed in a way that you shouldn’t have to do that unless you want to. Maybe because this was a finale, that’s why they could get away with it? ...but Gravity Falls had a finale too. It put in a lot of references to past episodes and things that happened in the series. You can still watch that finale without having seen any of the series. There’s no big bar that holds you back as to “why is this happening.” You learn character motivations, importance of items, etc. quickly in how it’s established. I know that sounds really selfish, “well it’s a finale for THIS show, and they should reward longtime viewers” and sure, fine. But the way Gravity Falls did it also didn’t alienate newer viewers either?

We’ll see what time has to say on it when people begin bringing it up to their kids or when past kids look in on it in just a few years who may have never seen the show. Maybe I’m 100% wrong. But I feel that it’s a show that, like Bleach, should have ended while it was ahead, at least a few years back. Luckily unlike Bleach, it’s still an enjoyable conclusion. But it definitely feels like a hollow shell of its former self. (But hey Marceline and Bubblegum becoming an item is actually cool and some of the scenes with them at the end are really cute so that’s a good plus, and Beemo (the best character) became a king so not everything’s terrible... just mediocre besides those points.)