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#but literally any fanfiction writer is more that welcome to take this idea
femme-enby · 1 year
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Ramblings, about haunt acting, FNAF, possibly a bit about undertale, 🤷‍♂️
Okay, so firstly,
I work seasonally as a haunt actor. As ass has it has gotten at the one haunt with reliable payment since 2019… I still love the actual HAUNT part of it, so y’all bet your asses I ensured and secured the time off from my main job to work again this season.
To no one’s surprise I am sure, I read long ass fanfictions.
I read one or two where the main character met an undertale character at a haunt. (Btw, if anyone is confused as to what a “haunt” is, generally speaking it’s kinda like… the shortened name for places that boast having haunted houses and/or people in creepy costumes walking around areas to scare you. Think Knott’s Scary Farm (KSF) or Halloween Horror Nights (HHH).)
Also, I’ve read plenty of FNAF SB fanfics that are focused or continue after the fire.
Now… I’m sure y’all see this from MILES away, but…
After the fire story, where the animatronics (or some animatronics, whatever floats your potentially angsty boat) end up at a haunt.
Like… okay look-
Sun/Moon/Eclipse? KSF has a section called “Carnevil” which is creepy clowns.
I believe KSF and/or HHH has a more “country” attraction/area, I know at Scarowinds there was “Dark Harvest” which was replaced with “The Reaping” both kinda country, although “Reaping” was more scarecrow focus, but I DIGRESS, in the US we got gators from SC to Florida and beyond. Definitely a “southern country” staple for a few states. Also, chickens. Monty and/or Chica.
Alternatively, KSF I believe also had “Raven’s Nest” which could also work for Chica.
I know at least somewhere they gotta have a “werewolf” which frankly is a creature not shown enough love at these places.
Of course also these places often have daytime “kid friendly” versions too, which could work out well.
I’m just sayin, imagine it if you will- you go to or get hired to work at, a haunt and you get there and your coworker is one of the animatronics.
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spicerackofblorbos · 7 months
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Chapter 1: November
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☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world
☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.
☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, eventual smut (these update with every chapter)
☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! This is my first time writing fanfiction in a loooooong time, like the last time I wrote was probably in 2011. So with that said please be kind with any feedback or comments. I hope you enjoy! (also I made Hange's pronouns she/her/them/they)
Edit (11/27/2023): Hey guys, welcome to my little world of Unspoken Words. I have quite literally used this story as a way to better myself as a writer. As you read on, you may find that I've progressed (ofc I have a long way to go) but because of that, my first few chapters might be rough. With your patience, you may find a liking to this story as I know I've loved writing every word of it.
☾ word count ➼ ~7.1k
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20-something years ago 
You’re not sure how, but you find yourself sitting in the back of a big, white van. Red and blue lights danced in your eyes, and it felt like a thousand people surrounded you. Something plastic is placed on your face then you are instructed to breathe in deeply. You thought it was funny to be told to breathe, like you don’t just do it naturally, but you follow instructions regardless. It’s hard though, every part of your body hurts, chest included. Every breath you take feels like your insides are on fire.  
‘Fire’, you think.  
Everything is on fire.
Present Day
Levi stood blank faced as he meticulously cleaned the blender station for what felt like the 100th time today. The late afternoon rush had just tapered down so he took advantage of the next to empty café to clean as much as he could before closing for the evening.  
“It’s 20 degrees outside, how are people still wanting frozen drinks.” he murmurs to himself, placing the blender back in its spot. Levi turns to the front counter and slings the towel he was using to dry things onto his shoulder.  
His best friend, roommate, and business partner could be seen restocking some books on tall shelves, a gentle smile lighting up his boyish features. It’s been about a year and a half since they started this business venture together and they had no idea at the time how successful their bookstore-café combo would be in this small town.  
Erwin’s thirst for knowledge kept their shelves as variable as ever while Levi’s love for perfecting the art of tea kept the drinks flowing. The problem, however, was Levi’s lack of people skills. He was seldom seen at the register, nor would you ever see him smile or talk to the customers. He often would leave you with a grunt and a swift turn after handing off the drinks.  
No, for that, they had hired a couple of local highschoolers to do the facing work.  
“Mr. Smith, Levi?” a soft voice rang out to the left of him. Levi shifted his attention to a taller girl with shoulder length raven hair standing next to him. Being as Mikasa is his cousin, they found early on how weird it was to be called ‘Mr. Ackerman’ as they shared the same surname. It was this connection too that got them to where they are today.  
“Would it be okay if Eren and I take off a little early tonight? We have some big tests coming up and we’d like to take some extra time to study.” Mikasa shifted her dark eyes to the darkening windows as the sun set just over the horizon. Pinks and oranges flooded the partially clouded skies.  
”Tch.” Levi could not help but roll his eyes. He raised a brow at her and leaned back against the counter behind him for support. “Sure, I guess,” he continues. “But do you really need it or is it for that blockhead?”  
As if summoned by his words, Eren comes up from behind Mikasa and wraps a red scarf around his girlfriend’s neck, both of their jackets hanging off one of his arms. Eren is a good kid, always on time and followed directions, but the amount of sass he held in his body was something else. Levi and Erwin did not mind though, as he added a certain energy in the café that the customers seemed to enjoy. The two men wouldn’t say it out loud, but they really appreciated having them both on the team.  
“Hey, I heard that. And yes, I need to study desperately. Econ is so hard and for what?!” Eren’s teal eyes widened for emphasis. To add to it he even put on a fake pout.  
“I-”  
“Just take the trash with you on the way out and you’re good to go.” Erwin piped up from behind a bookshelf.  
Mikasa nodded in acknowledgement towards the voice, a silent thank you. Like Levi, she was not one for many words. He once thought it was an Ackerman thing but then he thought back to his annoying uncle and changed his mind quickly.  
With that, she and Eren both untangled the aprons from their bodies, grabbed their belongings, and picked up the trash bags that were already taken out of the cans. They opted to leave through the back since the dumpsters were located that way. Again, Levi wouldn’t say it to anyone out loud, but he really did like those kids.  
Erwin could be heard stacking more books into the shelves which left Levi to polish the counters again. It was the last hour before they closed so it stayed quiet for the most part, only interrupted by the sounds of scuffling shoes and books being placed on hard surfaces. Light jazz filled the rest of the silence. Then the bell signifying new customers rang from the front.  
“Levi, can you grab that?”  
The raven-haired man just huffed in response then stepped over to the register. His eyes fell on two figures right in front of him. A frazzled brunette and... you.  
Due to the season, you are bundled up in a thick parka and knitted beanie. A big scarf wraps around your neck and face so that all Levi could see is your flushed cheeks and thick lashed eyes. Truthfully, you reminded him of a marshmallow.  
“What’ll it be?” he asks, deadpan. The brunette is the one to respond, the voice loud enough to make him wince.  
“Hmmm... well one English breakfast tea latte with lots of room for sugar aaaaand I’ll take a peppermint hot chocolate. Oh, and extra whip! We’ll drink it here.” She fished out a card with a dramatic thwip and handed it to Levi’s outstretched hand.  Their café is one of those where if you were to stay, they offered washable cup ware as to keep the prices down on disposable cups. Not to mention the lessened ‘environmental impact’ as Erwin would say.  
Levi glances at you before turning to make both orders. You give a small wave and smile a little, but he was already working quickly on the drinks. 
He went into autopilot as he steeped the tea and steamed the milk. He really appreciated customers that ordered anything outside of coffee, especially when it came to tea. It’s not that he hated coffee, though it’s not like he liked it either, but it just wasn’t his thing. Coffee offered a different kind of bitterness that he wasn’t very fond of. With extra whipped cream in one and extra space in the other, he whirled around to place the drinks on the counter.  
The one with glasses is the one that picks them up and they promptly walk in the direction of where you currently sit, one of the tables in the back corner by the window. You were stripped of your big parka and scarf, though the beanie stayed. Your eyes were wandering around the café in wonder, and Levi was pretty sure this had to be your first time here. But truthfully, he wouldn’t know, he didn’t make it his business to know his customers. That was Erwin’s and the kids’ job. 
“The shelves are full and I’m exhausted.” Erwin came around the counter with a couple of empty boxes in his arms, heading straight for the back to the dumpster. Levi stepped back and leaned against the counter once again, his own black tea that had steeped while making yours cradled in his fingertips. He kept looking at his only customers while he sipped the black liquid. The teacup almost slipped out of his grip as he saw you dumping a large amount of sugar into your cup.  
 There you sit, extremely focused on the cup in front of you and lips pressed together tightly, almost as if you were afraid you’d put in too much. The sight would have been funny if you hadn’t just ruined your entire tea, he thinks to himself. You smile to yourself in satisfaction and put the sugar jar back where it came from. While you stir the sweetener in gently, the brunette in front of you talks animatedly. Hands were flying everywhere, and Levi could practically feel the energy radiating from the corner of the room.  You were doing the same, silently laughing. 
Suddenly the front door flew open, the bell ringing loudly with it. Levi grits his teeth, steeling himself for yet another customer interaction. But his shoulders dropped in relief at the sight of only Carly, Erwin’s girlfriend. She saunters up to the counter with a big smile aimed towards Levi and without even asking she slid behind the bar. Erwin had already made it from the back and was in the process of putting away the leftover ingredients from the day. Carly wraps her arms around her boyfriend and plants a big kiss on his face, to which Levi quickly looks away. It wasn’t weird for her to come in right as they were about to close.  
What was weird, he thought, was the shock that flooded your face as you eyed the very public display of affection. Levi knit his brows in confusion as the brunette pivoted in her seat to see what you were staring at. Their face fell, any evidence of a good time completely erased.  
“Carly?”  
The person in question whipped around so fast at the voice and the panic that exuded from her was palpable. She quickly unwrapped herself from Erwin’s embrace.  
“Hange.”  
If it wasn’t for the jazz in the background, the lengthy silence that followed would have been deathly.  
Carly clears her throat and laughs awkwardly.  
“Uh, why are you here?”  
The person named Hange just lifts their hot chocolate cup awkwardly, not really saying anything. Their eyes shift between Carly and Erwin, clearly understanding what had happened.  
“I-I’m sorry, you guys know each other?” Erwin sounds cautious, like he already knew the answer. Of course, he would, he isn’t dumb. His piercing blue eyes survey the situation, going back and forth between the two.  
“Well, uh. I-” Carly stutters, clearly at a loss of what to say in the predicament she found herself in.  
“She’s my girlfriend.” Hange claims calmly.  
This admission makes Erwin sigh heavily, confirming what he had pieced together. Levi stared at him in bewilderment as the man just chuckled quietly.  
“Well. I suppose that’s it then.” And with that he turns on his heel and stalks off to the back room. 
“Wait, Erwin I can explain!” She follows right on his heels and disappears into the back room as well. A minute later you can hear hysterical crying and calm retorts reverberating from the back. If Levi could shrink into the cabinets to get out of this situation, he would. Instead, he focuses on the other party who were having a very quiet and rushed discussion. Well, a one-sided discussion, as he only heard one voice.  
Levi, realizing it was almost time to close anyways, rushes to close the distance between him and the front door. He really did not want to have to deal with other customers while the drama unfurled. So, he flips the door sign to ‘Closed’ and unplugs the ‘Open’ neon sign hanging in the window. A couple walks by about to open the door, probably out for a café date from the looks of it. But they were only met with a dead stare from the sharpest eyes they’d ever seen. With that, they briskly turned around and left down the sidewalk.  
Levi spins around and from here he gets a better look at the two trapped customers. You were moving your hands all over the place like you were earlier. But with an even closer look he realizes you weren’t just talking animatedly with your hands; you were talking with them. You were signing. 
You reacted to your partner’s conversation just fine, so it was clear you had some sort of hearing. Your scarf now hung loose around your shoulders, and it looked like you had tears brimming in your eyes. Levi swiftly walks back to the counter; this is obviously not a conversation he needed to be a part of.
“Hey, don’t worry about me. It’s only been a couple of months. Really, it’s better to find out now than 3 years from now.” They laughed without humor. You know when Hange was saving face for your sake, she was never as sly as she thought she was.  
‘You don’t need to be strong right now.’ You sign then reach your hand out to touch her cheek softly. Physical touch had become your second language early on, if only to emphasize. Fortunately, Hange was okay with that and often embraced it with open arms.  
“I know, my little strawberry. I just need some time to process everything.” They pat you on the head lightly with a small grin. You swat their hands, blushing at the nickname you were so graciously given so many years ago.  But you nod back, knowing they would not change their mind.  
The tall blonde glides through the back door, alone. His face was grim as he tugged loose the tie around his neck.  
“Hange, was it?” He started walking towards you and your very startled sister.  
“U-uh yeah. That’s my name! Listen I had no idea, I’m so sorry. I would have said something obviously but-”, they take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. What’s your name again?”  
“Erwin Smith. There is nothing to apologize for as I can only assume there’s only one blame to be given. I hate that we must meet under such a circumstance, but it is truly nice to meet you.” He raises a hand waiting for a handshake.  
Hange takes it after a second of processing, shaking the hand vigorously with both hands.  
“Well, unfortunately it is what it is. I’m sure Carly and I will be speaking soon. I’m assuming she’s not just hiding back there.” They flick their gaze to the back door he had just come through.  
“Ah well, yes. Long gone... how long were you two...?”  
“Only like, 3 months or so. You?” 
He flinched at that and murmured, “3 Years.” 
Thinking back to her comment not 10 minutes ago, Hange bit their cheek.  
“Oh man I’m so sorry.”  
“No, please. It’s alright. None of this is yours or my fault. We couldn’t have known, but now we do.” Erwin chuckled to himself. You wonder if he’s trying to save face the way your sister did. His gaze now shifts to you. He is a very handsome man. To your extreme surprise, he starts signing to you. 
‘I'm sorry, who might you be? I noticed you signing earlier. I know a little from the books I have read.’ His crystal blue eyes sparkle at you as he signs. You can’t help but break out into a huge grin. You sign your name back and compliment him on his raw signing form.  
‘I am of hearing, though. So please feel free to talk, and I will sign back.’ You clarify to Erwin, the smile not falling from your face.  
“That sounds like a plan. Levi, stop hiding behind the counter and come say hi.” Erwin calls out, not bothering to look over his shoulder. You hear a grunt in response and not 10 seconds later, the barista stands cross armed next Erwin. He nods a hello to each of you.  
You knew he was shorter than you, at least a couple inches, based off the interaction at the counter earlier. But seeing him side by side with his friend was almost comical. But as short stature as he was, it did not keep him from holding himself with such authority. It made you nervous.  
‘Thank you for the tea, it was very good.’ You sign, your sister translating in real time for you.  
“Tch, are you sure? I saw you dump enough sugar in it to make it syrup.” Levi retorts dryly.  
That makes you smile sheepishly. His fixated stare unnerved you a little, but you stare back regardless. Now that he was closer, a glass case no longer between the both of you, your eyes traveled along his face in close inspection. 
He’s beautiful, you think to yourself. His features are sharp and angled. Steely gray eyes pronounced a permanent exhausted look. It was a shade of gray you’ve never seen before, and they were mesmerizing. As if he could feel you staring holes in his face, he flicks his eyes to the side, clearly uncomfortable. But you can’t help it, because really the most intriguing thing about him was not his metallic eyes. It was the scars that marred his porcelain skin.  
A couple of scars ran down the right side of his face. The prominent of the two trailed from the top right of his forehead all the way down to his chin, cutting into his right eye and both lips. You’re pretty sure his eye was quite damaged due to the slight muted discoloration of the eye color.  
He’s beautiful, you repeat to yourself. You glance over to Hange, and they just look over at you with a knowing look. You know she was just begging to ask Levi too, but she just shakes her head. So, you fold your hands together and pinch your lips together.  
“Well!” Hange yells out, breaking the silence. “This human really needs a drink. Let’s all go! Erwin, I demand you let me treat you to a couple drinks!” She wraps an arm around your shoulders and laughs.  
“A drink sounds fantastic; I will gladly take you up on that offer. Let me just close up rea-” He’s cut off by Levi raising both of his hands up in protest. You notice the two missing fingers on his right hand. The pointer and middle were gone. Whatever this man went through, you just had to know. But you toss those questions onto an ever-growing pile and bite your cheek.  
“Erwin, I can close up. You go ahead.” Your sister just smiles widely and practically jumped up and down. The blonde man just clapped his hand Levi’s shoulder and smiled at him.  
“Thank you. You’ll join us after? The usual place?” Levi just shrugs his shoulders in response.  
Part of you hoped he would. You couldn’t place a singular reason why though.  
.
Fifteen minutes later, the three of you found yourselves in a well-lit and very crowded bar. Somehow Erwin had snagged a table near the back wall. Heavy rock blares loudly from a live band maybe 20 feet away. Overwhelming was an understatement, but you grit your teeth and sit down on one of the stools.  
“Whatcha want, my darlings?!” Hange yells over the music, slapping both hands down on the table and staring at the both of you.  
“Whiskey neat, whatever they offer is fine.”  
You sign the words ‘apple’ and ‘juice’ followed by a ‘thank you’. You’ve never been one for a drink. While it was tolerable to be around, you’d rather not have to taste it if you could help it.  
Looking around, you see all manners of people surrounding you. Something about it makes your stomach turn but you shift in your seat to quell it down. You’re sure it’s only so crowded because of the prospect of a Friday night and the promise of no plans the following day. The town of Jinae was not anything special, but it was quaint. You and your sister found out quickly it was a place where everyone knew mostly everyone. After only settling down here from your hometown 5 months ago, you were still learning of all the local spots.  
From the looks of it, this bar was one of those. “The Scouts” was an inviting place, decorated with dark greens and wood tones. The walls were littered with many frames of a lot of different people. You imagine it might have been local residents in various locations of the town. All of the wood was worn down, so it was clear this place has been in business for a while. A neon sign hangs above the stage where the live band played, something that resembled blue and white wings. It makes you wonder what the significance is.  
Your thoughts are disturbed as a glass is placed in front of you. Realizing the dryness in your throat, you pick up the glass and take a big swig of the amber liquid. You’re met with a burning sensation, and you gag. This alerts Hange of the unfortunate mistake.  
“Ah I’m sorry my little strawberry!! They do look quite similar though, don’t they?” They switch the glasses quickly and laugh. You notice the very noticeable cup size differences between the two and you stare at her quizzically. “I may have taken a shot while at the bar, sorry.” she adds on. It makes you shake your head, but you grab her hand reassuringly and chuckle.  
‘I’m sorry.’ You sign at Erwin, and he just smiles back.  
“Not a problem. But I have to ask, how was it?” A bushy eyebrow raises at you in amusement.  
You just stick your tongue out and make a gagging gesture at him. You laugh though, not really upset.  
Two apple juices in, the live band ends. Hange and Erwin are very deep in conversation, which you suspect might be about Carly. You can’t really hear what’s being said though. With the absence of music, chatter quickly fills the air. Honestly it was really starting to get to you. So, after tapping on the pair’s shoulders and signing where you were going, you find yourself leaning over the guard rail just outside the bar’s door.  
The sun was already far gone. A crescent moon sits high in the sky and a smatter of stars surrounds it. The cold air felt very welcome on your very flushed face. You exhale a big sigh, which garners a puff of steam. It makes you laugh so you do it again. Then you start to wonder how long you might be able to last out here before getting frostbite when suddenly a body starts leaning against the rail next to you.  
With a start, you whip your head to face the newcomer. Instantly you relax at the sight of Erwin’s friend. He was adorned in a big peacoat and his casual slacks. A tan turtleneck sweater peaks out from the jacket’s collar. His face was flushed as well, no doubt from the cold.  
Levi. 
He wasn’t paying you any mind though, instead his gaze laid upon the sky above, at the stars. You wave at him anyways and offer a small smile. He glances at you with a side eye and returns a curt nod.  
Not one for words. 
So, you both stand there in silence, staring up at the twinkling lights above. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest. Something about his presence radiated a sort of calm, and you were happy to bask in it.  
After a few minutes, he shifts his weight in your direction, so you face him. He’s staring up at you and it makes you swallow hard. His eyes glowed silver from the moonlight. Truly you have never been this fascinated with a person until now.  
“You like the stars.” It wasn’t a question, more like a statement.  
You nod in agreement, smiling to emphasize your love for them. He purses his lips at that. It seemed as if he wanted to say something else to that, but nothing came out. It just makes you frown a bit. You just have more questions that keep piling up. Everything about him just emanated mystery and it made you want to know all about him.  
‘Are you okay?’ You sign to him, exaggerating your frown to show your concern. You’re only met with a look of confusion. You forget that he does not know much if any sign. And you kick yourself for leaving your communication tools at home. To be fair though, this is not where you expected to be tonight.  
You then get an idea to use your phone to type to him but before you even reach into your pocket, you’re interrupted by a sudden blast of warm air as a couple stumbles out of the bar, both in a giggling fit as they cling to each other. They take off down the road, laughing even harder. The brief warm air makes you shiver, reminding you of the cold outside.  
As if thinking the same thing, Levi catches the door before it closes and holds it open for the both of you. You’re suddenly well aware of the very loud singing happening from within and your eyes widen at the familiarity of one of the voices. You and Levi make your way to the voices and are greeted with the sight of Erwin and Hange duetting a Backstreet Boys song.  
What a sight it was. The tall brunette, face flushed and glasses askew, had their arm around Erwin. He his blonde hair was quite tousled, and he looked like he was having the time of his life. They both swayed together as they belted out the lyrics. As if their smiles were contagious, you felt yourself grin. It was kind of cute. So, you pull out your phone and snap a quick picture, sure to show Hange in the morning. It was a good thing too, because the song ends right as you put your phone away in your bag. Levi clicks his tongue and huffs. You glance over at the noise and notice a small upturn to the corner of his scarred mouth. Noticing your gaze, his face vacates itself from any emotion as he stares back ahead.  
“Oi! Eyebrows!” He calls out to his friend. Levi starts making his way to the stage, walking with a slight limp. Yet another question to add onto the pile. “I’m gone for 45 minutes and you’re already singing.”  
“I’m fine! Just a couple drinks in.”  
You all make your way to the table you had laid claim to earlier. You survey the table and count at least 6 more glasses, not counting your two. It was hard to see who drank what.  
‘Are you okay?’ You sign to your sister, concern etched on your face. They just nod lazily and give a thumbs up with both hands. Levi is regarding you with a look of understanding, and it seems he realized that you had asked him outside.  Music starts playing over the speakers again, and people start making their way to the dance floor. Hange squeals and downs the rest of her drink quickly.  
“Erwin let’s go!” She grabs his arm, not waiting for a response. He gives a mock salute to the two of you and follows without question. Levi just clicks his tongue again and heads to the bar to get himself something. So, you plop yourself down on the stool and stare out into the room. Out of nervous habit you start fidgeting with the napkins in front of you. A moment later, Levi’s hobbling over with a tray of drinks. 
“I got the idiots some water, they look like they need it.” He places the glasses down with a thud, including one of his own housing some sort of caramel liquid. Then he’s sliding something over to you and you’re about to protest that you don’t drink but you realize it’s not a glass. It’s a notepad and pen.  
“If you need something, this might come in handy.” is all he says.  
You’re quick to show your appreciation with a bright smile. You also note to yourself that you could have very well have used your phone to communicate but you were not one to disregard someone’s thoughtfulness. It makes something bloom in your chest, warm and comforting.  
Your many years of not having a phone of course meant writing – a lot. Your handwriting evolved plenty with time so that meant it was extremely neat. It had to have been so that the reader would be able to read it without an issue. 
First you write your name, as you realize no one had really said it out loud while at the teashop. Following that you add ‘I think your shop is wonderful, and I really did enjoy the tea you made.’ You also want to jot down the questions from earlier that were still swimming in your mind, but you hold yourself back. You tell yourself maybe later, granted if there would even be a later.   
When angling the paper so he could see it, his eyes flit across the words quickly and you’re given a grunt in acknowledgement. Pulling back the notepad, you bite the inside of your cheek. While it wasn’t awkward being next to him, he sure made it hard to talk to. His cold demeanor gave you the feeling he wasn’t the type to talk about himself, especially with someone he just met. So, asking questions about him or his life was out the window. Likewise, he did not really seem interested in hearing your life story, not like you were planning to spill it anyways for fear of being met with disdain. You had plenty of experiences with that growing up.  
Tapping the pen against your chin, your eyes drift around the bar room. There a multitude of people lingering about, shouting over each other to be heard. A couple sits in a corner, whispering who knows what to each other. Both of their cheeks are flushed and eyes heavy with lust. A handful of people are on the dance floor grinding away, your sister and new friend sticking out like a sore thumb as they dance with reckless abandon. All of this gave you an idea, remembering something you’ve read before many moons ago. You start scrawling on the paper again.  
‘Are you a gambling man, Levi?’ 
You shift the pad back over to him and he glances down again after taking another sip of his spirit. He was holding his glass in a way you’d never seen before and honestly it was a little weird.  
“Tch, hardly. Why do you ask?” He looks hard at you as you scratch something else down.  
‘I propose a game to pass the time. Let’s make some bets about the random people in this room.’ 
He looks at you incredulously. You stand your ground, not averting your gaze even a little. When you don’t back down, he just scoffs and shakes his head at you.  
“I literally could not care less about these people,” he clicks his tongue. “But I suppose there’s not much else to do so I’ll bite.” Knocking back the rest of his drink, he moves around you to lean back against the wall so that he is facing the rest of the crowd. You shift so that you are doing the same. You don’t overlook the proximity to the shorter man, nor the fact that your arms are almost touching. You start to scribble once more.  
‘Winner gets to ask the loser one question.’ As his eyes fall on your words, he seems a little taken aback. Levi seems to think for a moment, like he’s weighing his pros and cons.  
“One non-personal question.” He amends. You both nod in agreement. So, your eyes travel around the room, looking for your first target. It falls on a group not so far away.  
‘I bet that gaggle of young girls over there are here for a bridal party.’
You point in the direction of the said group. Currently they were taking tequila shots, lime and all. All of them sparkled and were dressed up to the nines, save for the silly little hats adorning their heads. And they were having so much fun.  
“No way,” Levi scoffs, “That has to be a 21st birthday. They all look like babies.”  
Suddenly someone comes through a parting in the crowd with a tray of assorted colorful drinks garnished with cute little accessories. They all yell in excitement at the sight. One of the girls raises her glass and starts shouting.  
“To Estelle! May your married life be full of infinite love, happiness, and orgasms!” They all cheer and take big gulps of their drinks, followed by more giggling.  
Levi glances art you, his gray eyes dull in the dim bar light. An eyebrow lifts at you as well.  
“How did you know?” 
You do a sweeping gesture starting from one shoulder down to the opposite hip. He looks back over to the women and conveniently the soon-to-be-bride had faced your direction. She was indeed wearing a white sash sporting the word ‘BRIDE’ in bright pink letters. He huffs as he rolls his eyes, and you smirk at him in return. You press the pad over to him, already equipped with your question.  
Levi scoffs at your question. As promised, it wasn’t very personal. You figured ice breaker like questions were a good start. But his pause made you question if this was a good idea, you didn’t want to run him off or make him uncomfortable. Then he clicks his tongue, and his face softens ever so slightly.  
“My favorite hobby, huh? It would have to be cleaning.” He simply states. 
Cleaning?  
‘Like mopping, dusting, all that jazz?’  
“Yeah, it brings me peace. I like the control. Plus, I can't stand filthy things, people, or places. It’s repugnant.” He scrunches his nose at the last statement. A laugh bubbles up and you can’t help but let it loose. You’re shot with a glare and a sharp tone.  
“Funny?”  
You shake your head no and smile lightly while your hands move adeptly on the pad.  
‘Not funny, just amusing because it’s not something I would have expected. It’s different. If it makes you happy then it is an admirable hobby.’ 
Levi’s looking away from you now. If it wasn’t so dim, you would have seen there was a light dusting of pink color his cheeks and ears. He clears his throat and scans the room for his victim. His eyes land on the couple in the back corner whispering to each other. He notices their not-so-subtle hand movements as they felt each other up. Nodding in their direction, he looks back over to you, leaning close so you can hear.  
“I bet that couple will get up in the next 3 minutes and excuse themselves to somewhere private.” Your eyes travel in that direction, only to look away hastily at such an intimate scene. You’re not able to think of a counter-bet because honestly, you’re thinking the same thing. Your eyes settle back to his face, but he’s already looking back at the couple. If he noticed you staring, he didn’t say. Suddenly his face is filled with a satisfied look, only to be replaced quickly with a look of horror. You follow his gaze again, afraid of what you might see.
Fortunately, it’s nothing risqué, as you catch the tail end of the couple slipping into one of the public, unmarked restrooms. But the thought of their future actions was enough to gross you out. Looking back at Levi, you scrunch your face up in disgust. He nods in understanding.  
“This is why we don’t use public restrooms, especially in a bar.” He pinches the bridge of his nose with his good hand. “When I said somewhere private, I meant like a residence or something. Filthy animals, unbelievable. They better scrub that bathroom down. Maybe I should tell the bartender when they’re done. Maybe I should help clean.” 
His retorts crack you up, your shoulders bouncing from silent laughter. He just stares at you impassively as he runs his fingers through his hair to get it out of his face.  
“Well, it’s not like we should ruin their fun. Anyways I suppose I won. Let’s see... what’s your favorite color?” 
You part your lips, dumbfounded. This was never an easy question, as you found joy in a lot of different colors. You bite your lip and start writing, but after a couple minutes Levi rips the pad from your hands out of impatience.  
salmon 
turquoise? 
canary yellow! 
orange 
dark forest gre- 
He just looks at you in alarm.  
“Just pick one.” he scolds. 
You snatch the pad back and scribble down, ‘It’s not that simple!’  
“It is to me. White, easy.” You just stare right back at him, not believing what you just heard. Out of all the many shades and hues out there, this man decides the color white.  
‘Why?’ 
“It’s clean.” is the only response you get.  
It makes sense, you think. But seriously, this man was so weird. But like you said earlier, it was different and that made it refreshing to you. You start searching for your next bet.  
As if in a scene from a movie you’ve seen a dozen times came to life, your eyes snap to a lone woman sitting at the bar, nursing a drink and playing on her phone. A couple seats down, you spot a few men chatting. One of the men is staring hard at the very oblivious woman. You nudge Levi with your elbow, not unnoticing the slight flinch from your touch. You point to the scene, and he is quick to understand.  
“I bet when he walks over to her, she’ll get up and leave.” He says confidently.  
Trusting your instincts, you scrawl back quickly as you notice the man started making his way towards the woman. Sticking your tongue out at him, you angle the pad to him so he could see.  
‘Absolutely not. She’ll tell him off right away.’  
To both yours and his surprise, not one moment later she throws the rest of her drink contents onto the man’s head. She gathers her belongings, throws a wad of bills on to the bar, then stomps out of the establishment. The rejected man staggers back to his friends, and they applaud him for his supposed gall. This event left you both stunned. There’s a moment of pause where you and Levi just stare at each other before all hell breaks loose as he starts talking and you start scribbling furiously.  
“She walked away, I win.”  
‘She threw that drink on him, that’s practically telling him off. And that happened before any walking off.’  
“That hardly counts, no words were used.” He scoffs and folds his arms across his chest as he stares hard at you. You weren’t sure if the indignation was real or not, but it was evident in his face.   
‘Words are not always needed to convey intent.’ You shoot back at him, shifting your weight to tap your foot defiantly. You would know this of course.  
This makes Levi pause. He opens his mouth to say something but then Erwin and Hange came crashing into the little bubble you two had made. Suddenly the sounds of clinking glasses and mindless chatter came rushing in and you took a step back.  
“Um, I think Hange might have had a little too much tonight.” Erwin says, to which your attention is drawn to a very drunk Hange. They were a blubbering, sobbing mess. Whining about things that ranged from Carly to her work stress and everything in between. Your sister rarely got this drunk, but you imagine the events from earlier might have been her breaking point. This was a sign to get her home.  
You hastily round the table to wrap her arm around you and prop her up. Then after whipping a $20 out of your purse and throwing it on the table in front of the boys, you give them a grateful smile and sign to Erwin.  
‘Thank you both for tonight. She and I had a lot of fun. But I need to get her home before she gets worse.’ As if on cue, they let out a loud wail and start sobbing into your shoulder. You shift your body to hold them closer so that you don’t drop them. Erwin grabs your $20 and shoves it back in your purse before zipping it up. He had left you no time to protest as he places a large hand on your shoulder and stares intensely at you.  
“Please, let me take care of this. Tell them this was an exceptional time. And to please stop by the café again, we owe each a good, sober talk.” His bright blue eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you warmly. “It was a pleasure meeting you too. I hope you join Hange on the café visits as well. I think Levi has warmed up to you just nicely.” He wiggles an eyebrow at his friend. Levi just shoves him back and rolls his eyes.  
“Tch, fuck off. She’s alright, I guess.” He’s staring at you now, not as cold as before. “You owe me an answer next time we meet.”  
You purse your lips at him and shake your head in disagreement. 
‘I totally won that, don’t even think otherwise.’ You jot down lazily on the notepad still on the table. It wasn’t as neat, but you were propping up a whole human, you couldn’t help it.   
“Are you sure you’re safe to get home okay? We can he-” You cut Erwin off with a wave of the hand. Their spot of choice was actually very lucky, as you only live a few minutes away. And to be honest, you needed the cold air. So, you sign a quick goodbye to your new friends and make your way out. 
Walking down the snowy sidewalk, you pat Hange’s head as she grumbles about random things. She opted to walk herself, but you kept your hand in theirs to lead them in the right direction. She only stumbled a few times but overall, you were able to keep a steady pace. You note that before you left, her glass of water had been untouched, so you make a mental reminder to hydrate her before throwing her in bed.  
‘Alcohol was not kind to those in their 30s’ you heard their voice say in the back of your mind.  
As your steps left crunching noises in their wake, you peer up at the moon and glittering stars. A certain raven-haired and silver-eyed man etched in your brain. You wonder how soon it will be before seeing him again.  
‘Levi’ you sign to yourself with a free hand. A smile cemented to your face the whole way home.
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☾ Next Chapter: December
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chaotic-on-main · 2 years
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Chapter 1: November
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☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world
☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.
☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, eventual smut (these update with every chapter)
☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! This is my first time writing fanfiction in a loooooong time, like the last time I wrote was probably in 2011. So with that said please be kind with any feedback or comments. I hope you enjoy! (also I made Hange's pronouns she/her/them/they)
Edit (11/27/2023): Hey guys, welcome to my little world of Unspoken Words. I have quite literally used this story as a way to better myself as a writer. As you read on, you may find that I've progressed (ofc I have a long way to go) but because of that, my first few chapters might be rough. With your patience, you may find a liking to this story as I know I've loved writing every word of it.
☾ word count ➼ ~7.1k
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20-something years ago 
You’re not sure how, but you find yourself sitting in the back of a big, white van. Red and blue lights danced in your eyes, and it felt like a thousand people surrounded you. Something plastic is placed on your face then you are instructed to breathe in deeply. You thought it was funny to be told to breathe, like you don’t just do it naturally, but you follow instructions regardless. It’s hard though, every part of your body hurts, chest included. Every breath you take feels like your insides are on fire.  
‘Fire’, you think.  
Everything is on fire.
 ─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Present Day
Levi stood blank faced as he meticulously cleaned the blender station for what felt like the 100th time today. The late afternoon rush had just tapered down so he took advantage of the next to empty café to clean as much as he could before closing for the evening.  
“It’s 20 degrees outside, how are people still wanting frozen drinks.” he murmurs to himself, placing the blender back in its spot. Levi turns to the front counter and slings the towel he was using to dry things onto his shoulder.  
His best friend, roommate, and business partner could be seen restocking some books on tall shelves, a gentle smile lighting up his boyish features. It’s been about a year and a half since they started this business venture together and they had no idea at the time how successful their bookstore-café combo would be in this small town.  
Erwin’s thirst for knowledge kept their shelves as variable as ever while Levi’s love for perfecting the art of tea kept the drinks flowing. The problem, however, was Levi’s lack of people skills. He was seldom seen at the register, nor would you ever see him smile or talk to the customers. He often would leave you with a grunt and a swift turn after handing off the drinks.  
No, for that, they had hired a couple of local highschoolers to do the facing work.  
“Mr. Smith, Levi?” a soft voice rang out to the left of him. Levi shifted his attention to a taller girl with shoulder length raven hair standing next to him. Being as Mikasa is his cousin, they found early on how weird it was to be called ‘Mr. Ackerman’ as they shared the same surname. It was this connection too that got them to where they are today.  
“Would it be okay if Eren and I take off a little early tonight? We have some big tests coming up and we’d like to take some extra time to study.” Mikasa shifted her dark eyes to the darkening windows as the sun set just over the horizon. Pinks and oranges flooded the partially clouded skies.  
”Tch.” Levi could not help but roll his eyes. He raised a brow at her and leaned back against the counter behind him for support. “Sure, I guess,” he continues. “But do you really need it or is it for that blockhead?”  
As if summoned by his words, Eren comes up from behind Mikasa and wraps a red scarf around his girlfriend’s neck, both of their jackets hanging off one of his arms. Eren is a good kid, always on time and followed directions, but the amount of sass he held in his body was something else. Levi and Erwin did not mind though, as he added a certain energy in the café that the customers seemed to enjoy. The two men wouldn’t say it out loud, but they really appreciated having them both on the team.  
“Hey, I heard that. And yes, I need to study desperately. Econ is so hard and for what?!” Eren’s teal eyes widened for emphasis. To add to it he even put on a fake pout.  
“I-”  
“Just take the trash with you on the way out and you’re good to go.” Erwin piped up from behind a bookshelf.  
Mikasa nodded in acknowledgement towards the voice, a silent thank you. Like Levi, she was not one for many words. He once thought it was an Ackerman thing but then he thought back to his annoying uncle and changed his mind quickly.  
With that, she and Eren both untangled the aprons from their bodies, grabbed their belongings, and picked up the trash bags that were already taken out of the cans. They opted to leave through the back since the dumpsters were located that way. Again, Levi wouldn’t say it to anyone out loud, but he really did like those kids.  
Erwin could be heard stacking more books into the shelves which left Levi to polish the counters again. It was the last hour before they closed so it stayed quiet for the most part, only interrupted by the sounds of scuffling shoes and books being placed on hard surfaces. Light jazz filled the rest of the silence. Then the bell signifying new customers rang from the front.  
“Levi, can you grab that?”  
The raven-haired man just huffed in response then stepped over to the register. His eyes fell on two figures right in front of him. A frazzled brunette and... you.  
Due to the season, you are bundled up in a thick parka and knitted beanie. A big scarf wraps around your neck and face so that all Levi could see is your flushed cheeks and thick lashed eyes. Truthfully, you reminded him of a marshmallow.  
“What’ll it be?” he asks, deadpan. The brunette is the one to respond, the voice loud enough to make him wince.  
“Hmmm... well one English breakfast tea latte with lots of room for sugar aaaaand I’ll take a peppermint hot chocolate. Oh, and extra whip! We’ll drink it here.” She fished out a card with a dramatic thwip and handed it to Levi’s outstretched hand.  Their café is one of those where if you were to stay, they offered washable cup ware as to keep the prices down on disposable cups. Not to mention the lessened ‘environmental impact’ as Erwin would say.  
Levi glances at you before turning to make both orders. You give a small wave and smile a little, but he was already working quickly on the drinks. 
He went into autopilot as he steeped the tea and steamed the milk. He really appreciated customers that ordered anything outside of coffee, especially when it came to tea. It’s not that he hated coffee, though it’s not like he liked it either, but it just wasn’t his thing. Coffee offered a different kind of bitterness that he wasn’t very fond of. With extra whipped cream in one and extra space in the other, he whirled around to place the drinks on the counter.  
The one with glasses is the one that picks them up and they promptly walk in the direction of where you currently sit, one of the tables in the back corner by the window. You were stripped of your big parka and scarf, though the beanie stayed. Your eyes were wandering around the café in wonder, and Levi was pretty sure this had to be your first time here. But truthfully, he wouldn’t know, he didn’t make it his business to know his customers. That was Erwin’s and the kids’ job. 
“The shelves are full and I’m exhausted.” Erwin came around the counter with a couple of empty boxes in his arms, heading straight for the back to the dumpster. Levi stepped back and leaned against the counter once again, his own black tea that had steeped while making yours cradled in his fingertips. He kept looking at his only customers while he sipped the black liquid. The teacup almost slipped out of his grip as he saw you dumping a large amount of sugar into your cup.  
 There you sit, extremely focused on the cup in front of you and lips pressed together tightly, almost as if you were afraid you’d put in too much. The sight would have been funny if you hadn’t just ruined your entire tea, he thinks to himself. You smile to yourself in satisfaction and put the sugar jar back where it came from. While you stir the sweetener in gently, the brunette in front of you talks animatedly. Hands were flying everywhere, and Levi could practically feel the energy radiating from the corner of the room.  You were doing the same, silently laughing. 
Suddenly the front door flew open, the bell ringing loudly with it. Levi grits his teeth, steeling himself for yet another customer interaction. But his shoulders dropped in relief at the sight of only Carly, Erwin’s girlfriend. She saunters up to the counter with a big smile aimed towards Levi and without even asking she slid behind the bar. Erwin had already made it from the back and was in the process of putting away the leftover ingredients from the day. Carly wraps her arms around her boyfriend and plants a big kiss on his face, to which Levi quickly looks away. It wasn’t weird for her to come in right as they were about to close.  
What was weird, he thought, was the shock that flooded your face as you eyed the very public display of affection. Levi knit his brows in confusion as the brunette pivoted in her seat to see what you were staring at. Their face fell, any evidence of a good time completely erased.  
“Carly?”  
The person in question whipped around so fast at the voice and the panic that exuded from her was palpable. She quickly unwrapped herself from Erwin’s embrace.  
“Hange.”  
If it wasn’t for the jazz in the background, the lengthy silence that followed would have been deathly.  
Carly clears her throat and laughs awkwardly.  
“Uh, why are you here?”  
The person named Hange just lifts their hot chocolate cup awkwardly, not really saying anything. Their eyes shift between Carly and Erwin, clearly understanding what had happened.  
“I-I’m sorry, you guys know each other?” Erwin sounds cautious, like he already knew the answer. Of course, he would, he isn’t dumb. His piercing blue eyes survey the situation, going back and forth between the two.  
“Well, uh. I-” Carly stutters, clearly at a loss of what to say in the predicament she found herself in.  
“She’s my girlfriend.” Hange claims calmly.  
This admission makes Erwin sigh heavily, confirming what he had pieced together. Levi stared at him in bewilderment as the man just chuckled quietly.  
“Well. I suppose that’s it then.” And with that he turns on his heel and stalks off to the back room. 
“Wait, Erwin I can explain!” She follows right on his heels and disappears into the back room as well. A minute later you can hear hysterical crying and calm retorts reverberating from the back. If Levi could shrink into the cabinets to get out of this situation, he would. Instead, he focuses on the other party who were having a very quiet and rushed discussion. Well, a one-sided discussion, as he only heard one voice.  
Levi, realizing it was almost time to close anyways, rushes to close the distance between him and the front door. He really did not want to have to deal with other customers while the drama unfurled. So, he flips the door sign to ‘Closed’ and unplugs the ‘Open’ neon sign hanging in the window. A couple walks by about to open the door, probably out for a café date from the looks of it. But they were only met with a dead stare from the sharpest eyes they’d ever seen. With that, they briskly turned around and left down the sidewalk.  
Levi spins around and from here he gets a better look at the two trapped customers. You were moving your hands all over the place like you were earlier. But with an even closer look he realizes you weren’t just talking animatedly with your hands; you were talking with them. You were signing. 
You reacted to your partner’s conversation just fine, so it was clear you had some sort of hearing. Your scarf now hung loose around your shoulders, and it looked like you had tears brimming in your eyes. Levi swiftly walks back to the counter; this is obviously not a conversation he needed to be a part of.
“Hey, don’t worry about me. It’s only been a couple of months. Really, it’s better to find out now than 3 years from now.” They laughed without humor. You know when Hange was saving face for your sake, she was never as sly as she thought she was.  
‘You don’t need to be strong right now.’ You sign then reach your hand out to touch her cheek softly. Physical touch had become your second language early on, if only to emphasize. Fortunately, Hange was okay with that and often embraced it with open arms.  
“I know, my little strawberry. I just need some time to process everything.” They pat you on the head lightly with a small grin. You swat their hands, blushing at the nickname you were so graciously given so many years ago.  But you nod back, knowing they would not change their mind.  
The tall blonde glides through the back door, alone. His face was grim as he tugged loose the tie around his neck.  
“Hange, was it?” He started walking towards you and your very startled sister.  
“U-uh yeah. That’s my name! Listen I had no idea, I’m so sorry. I would have said something obviously but-”, they take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. What’s your name again?”  
“Erwin Smith. There is nothing to apologize for as I can only assume there’s only one blame to be given. I hate that we must meet under such a circumstance, but it is truly nice to meet you.” He raises a hand waiting for a handshake.  
Hange takes it after a second of processing, shaking the hand vigorously with both hands.  
“Well, unfortunately it is what it is. I’m sure Carly and I will be speaking soon. I’m assuming she’s not just hiding back there.” They flick their gaze to the back door he had just come through.  
“Ah well, yes. Long gone... how long were you two...?”  
“Only like, 3 months or so. You?” 
He flinched at that and murmured, “3 Years.” 
Thinking back to her comment not 10 minutes ago, Hange bit their cheek.  
“Oh man I’m so sorry.”  
“No, please. It’s alright. None of this is yours or my fault. We couldn’t have known, but now we do.” Erwin chuckled to himself. You wonder if he’s trying to save face the way your sister did. His gaze now shifts to you. He is a very handsome man. To your extreme surprise, he starts signing to you. 
‘I'm sorry, who might you be? I noticed you signing earlier. I know a little from the books I have read.’ His crystal blue eyes sparkle at you as he signs. You can’t help but break out into a huge grin. You sign your name back and compliment him on his raw signing form.  
‘I am of hearing, though. So please feel free to talk, and I will sign back.’ You clarify to Erwin, the smile not falling from your face.  
“That sounds like a plan. Levi, stop hiding behind the counter and come say hi.” Erwin calls out, not bothering to look over his shoulder. You hear a grunt in response and not 10 seconds later, the barista stands cross armed next Erwin. He nods a hello to each of you.  
You knew he was shorter than you, at least a couple inches, based off the interaction at the counter earlier. But seeing him side by side with his friend was almost comical. But as short stature as he was, it did not keep him from holding himself with such authority. It made you nervous.  
‘Thank you for the tea, it was very good.’ You sign, your sister translating in real time for you.  
“Tch, are you sure? I saw you dump enough sugar in it to make it syrup.” Levi retorts dryly.  
That makes you smile sheepishly. His fixated stare unnerved you a little, but you stare back regardless. Now that he was closer, a glass case no longer between the both of you, your eyes traveled along his face in close inspection. 
He’s beautiful, you think to yourself. His features are sharp and angled. Steely gray eyes pronounced a permanent exhausted look. It was a shade of gray you’ve never seen before, and they were mesmerizing. As if he could feel you staring holes in his face, he flicks his eyes to the side, clearly uncomfortable. But you can’t help it, because really the most intriguing thing about him was not his metallic eyes. It was the scars that marred his porcelain skin.  
A couple of scars ran down the right side of his face. The prominent of the two trailed from the top right of his forehead all the way down to his chin, cutting into his right eye and both lips. You’re pretty sure his eye was quite damaged due to the slight muted discoloration of the eye color.  
He’s beautiful, you repeat to yourself. You glance over to Hange, and they just look over at you with a knowing look. You know she was just begging to ask Levi too, but she just shakes her head. So, you fold your hands together and pinch your lips together.  
“Well!” Hange yells out, breaking the silence. “This human really needs a drink. Let’s all go! Erwin, I demand you let me treat you to a couple drinks!” She wraps an arm around your shoulders and laughs.  
“A drink sounds fantastic; I will gladly take you up on that offer. Let me just close up rea-” He’s cut off by Levi raising both of his hands up in protest. You notice the two missing fingers on his right hand. The pointer and middle were gone. Whatever this man went through, you just had to know. But you toss those questions onto an ever-growing pile and bite your cheek.  
“Erwin, I can close up. You go ahead.” Your sister just smiles widely and practically jumped up and down. The blonde man just clapped his hand Levi’s shoulder and smiled at him.  
“Thank you. You’ll join us after? The usual place?” Levi just shrugs his shoulders in response.  
Part of you hoped he would. You couldn’t place a singular reason why though.  
.
Fifteen minutes later, the three of you found yourselves in a well-lit and very crowded bar. Somehow Erwin had snagged a table near the back wall. Heavy rock blares loudly from a live band maybe 20 feet away. Overwhelming was an understatement, but you grit your teeth and sit down on one of the stools.  
“Whatcha want, my darlings?!” Hange yells over the music, slapping both hands down on the table and staring at the both of you.  
“Whiskey neat, whatever they offer is fine.”  
You sign the words ‘apple’ and ‘juice’ followed by a ‘thank you’. You’ve never been one for a drink. While it was tolerable to be around, you’d rather not have to taste it if you could help it.  
Looking around, you see all manners of people surrounding you. Something about it makes your stomach turn but you shift in your seat to quell it down. You’re sure it’s only so crowded because of the prospect of a Friday night and the promise of no plans the following day. The town of Jinae was not anything special, but it was quaint. You and your sister found out quickly it was a place where everyone knew mostly everyone. After only settling down here from your hometown 5 months ago, you were still learning of all the local spots.  
From the looks of it, this bar was one of those. “The Scouts” was an inviting place, decorated with dark greens and wood tones. The walls were littered with many frames of a lot of different people. You imagine it might have been local residents in various locations of the town. All of the wood was worn down, so it was clear this place has been in business for a while. A neon sign hangs above the stage where the live band played, something that resembled blue and white wings. It makes you wonder what the significance is.  
Your thoughts are disturbed as a glass is placed in front of you. Realizing the dryness in your throat, you pick up the glass and take a big swig of the amber liquid. You’re met with a burning sensation, and you gag. This alerts Hange of the unfortunate mistake.  
“Ah I’m sorry my little strawberry!! They do look quite similar though, don’t they?” They switch the glasses quickly and laugh. You notice the very noticeable cup size differences between the two and you stare at her quizzically. “I may have taken a shot while at the bar, sorry.” she adds on. It makes you shake your head, but you grab her hand reassuringly and chuckle.  
‘I’m sorry.’ You sign at Erwin, and he just smiles back.  
“Not a problem. But I have to ask, how was it?” A bushy eyebrow raises at you in amusement.  
You just stick your tongue out and make a gagging gesture at him. You laugh though, not really upset.  
Two apple juices in, the live band ends. Hange and Erwin are very deep in conversation, which you suspect might be about Carly. You can’t really hear what’s being said though. With the absence of music, chatter quickly fills the air. Honestly it was really starting to get to you. So, after tapping on the pair’s shoulders and signing where you were going, you find yourself leaning over the guard rail just outside the bar’s door.  
The sun was already far gone. A crescent moon sits high in the sky and a smatter of stars surrounds it. The cold air felt very welcome on your very flushed face. You exhale a big sigh, which garners a puff of steam. It makes you laugh so you do it again. Then you start to wonder how long you might be able to last out here before getting frostbite when suddenly a body starts leaning against the rail next to you.  
With a start, you whip your head to face the newcomer. Instantly you relax at the sight of Erwin’s friend. He was adorned in a big peacoat and his casual slacks. A tan turtleneck sweater peaks out from the jacket’s collar. His face was flushed as well, no doubt from the cold.  
Levi. 
He wasn’t paying you any mind though, instead his gaze laid upon the sky above, at the stars. You wave at him anyways and offer a small smile. He glances at you with a side eye and returns a curt nod.  
Not one for words. 
So, you both stand there in silence, staring up at the twinkling lights above. It wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest. Something about his presence radiated a sort of calm, and you were happy to bask in it.  
After a few minutes, he shifts his weight in your direction, so you face him. He’s staring up at you and it makes you swallow hard. His eyes glowed silver from the moonlight. Truly you have never been this fascinated with a person until now.  
“You like the stars.” It wasn’t a question, more like a statement.  
You nod in agreement, smiling to emphasize your love for them. He purses his lips at that. It seemed as if he wanted to say something else to that, but nothing came out. It just makes you frown a bit. You just have more questions that keep piling up. Everything about him just emanated mystery and it made you want to know all about him.  
‘Are you okay?’ You sign to him, exaggerating your frown to show your concern. You’re only met with a look of confusion. You forget that he does not know much if any sign. And you kick yourself for leaving your communication tools at home. To be fair though, this is not where you expected to be tonight.  
You then get an idea to use your phone to type to him but before you even reach into your pocket, you’re interrupted by a sudden blast of warm air as a couple stumbles out of the bar, both in a giggling fit as they cling to each other. They take off down the road, laughing even harder. The brief warm air makes you shiver, reminding you of the cold outside.  
As if thinking the same thing, Levi catches the door before it closes and holds it open for the both of you. You’re suddenly well aware of the very loud singing happening from within and your eyes widen at the familiarity of one of the voices. You and Levi make your way to the voices and are greeted with the sight of Erwin and Hange duetting a Backstreet Boys song.  
What a sight it was. The tall brunette, face flushed and glasses askew, had their arm around Erwin. He his blonde hair was quite tousled, and he looked like he was having the time of his life. They both swayed together as they belted out the lyrics. As if their smiles were contagious, you felt yourself grin. It was kind of cute. So, you pull out your phone and snap a quick picture, sure to show Hange in the morning. It was a good thing too, because the song ends right as you put your phone away in your bag. Levi clicks his tongue and huffs. You glance over at the noise and notice a small upturn to the corner of his scarred mouth. Noticing your gaze, his face vacates itself from any emotion as he stares back ahead.  
“Oi! Eyebrows!” He calls out to his friend. Levi starts making his way to the stage, walking with a slight limp. Yet another question to add onto the pile. “I’m gone for 45 minutes and you’re already singing.”  
“I’m fine! Just a couple drinks in.”  
You all make your way to the table you had laid claim to earlier. You survey the table and count at least 6 more glasses, not counting your two. It was hard to see who drank what.  
‘Are you okay?’ You sign to your sister, concern etched on your face. They just nod lazily and give a thumbs up with both hands. Levi is regarding you with a look of understanding, and it seems he realized that you had asked him outside.  Music starts playing over the speakers again, and people start making their way to the dance floor. Hange squeals and downs the rest of her drink quickly.  
“Erwin let’s go!” She grabs his arm, not waiting for a response. He gives a mock salute to the two of you and follows without question. Levi just clicks his tongue again and heads to the bar to get himself something. So, you plop yourself down on the stool and stare out into the room. Out of nervous habit you start fidgeting with the napkins in front of you. A moment later, Levi’s hobbling over with a tray of drinks. 
“I got the idiots some water, they look like they need it.” He places the glasses down with a thud, including one of his own housing some sort of caramel liquid. Then he’s sliding something over to you and you’re about to protest that you don’t drink but you realize it’s not a glass. It’s a notepad and pen.  
“If you need something, this might come in handy.” is all he says.  
You’re quick to show your appreciation with a bright smile. You also note to yourself that you could have very well have used your phone to communicate but you were not one to disregard someone’s thoughtfulness. It makes something bloom in your chest, warm and comforting.  
Your many years of not having a phone of course meant writing – a lot. Your handwriting evolved plenty with time so that meant it was extremely neat. It had to have been so that the reader would be able to read it without an issue. 
First you write your name, as you realize no one had really said it out loud while at the teashop. Following that you add ‘I think your shop is wonderful, and I really did enjoy the tea you made.’ You also want to jot down the questions from earlier that were still swimming in your mind, but you hold yourself back. You tell yourself maybe later, granted if there would even be a later.   
When angling the paper so he could see it, his eyes flit across the words quickly and you’re given a grunt in acknowledgement. Pulling back the notepad, you bite the inside of your cheek. While it wasn’t awkward being next to him, he sure made it hard to talk to. His cold demeanor gave you the feeling he wasn’t the type to talk about himself, especially with someone he just met. So, asking questions about him or his life was out the window. Likewise, he did not really seem interested in hearing your life story, not like you were planning to spill it anyways for fear of being met with disdain. You had plenty of experiences with that growing up.  
Tapping the pen against your chin, your eyes drift around the bar room. There a multitude of people lingering about, shouting over each other to be heard. A couple sits in a corner, whispering who knows what to each other. Both of their cheeks are flushed and eyes heavy with lust. A handful of people are on the dance floor grinding away, your sister and new friend sticking out like a sore thumb as they dance with reckless abandon. All of this gave you an idea, remembering something you’ve read before many moons ago. You start scrawling on the paper again.  
‘Are you a gambling man, Levi?’ 
You shift the pad back over to him and he glances down again after taking another sip of his spirit. He was holding his glass in a way you’d never seen before and honestly it was a little weird.  
“Tch, hardly. Why do you ask?” He looks hard at you as you scratch something else down.  
‘I propose a game to pass the time. Let’s make some bets about the random people in this room.’ 
He looks at you incredulously. You stand your ground, not averting your gaze even a little. When you don’t back down, he just scoffs and shakes his head at you.  
“I literally could not care less about these people,” he clicks his tongue. “But I suppose there’s not much else to do so I’ll bite.” Knocking back the rest of his drink, he moves around you to lean back against the wall so that he is facing the rest of the crowd. You shift so that you are doing the same. You don’t overlook the proximity to the shorter man, nor the fact that your arms are almost touching. You start to scribble once more.  
‘Winner gets to ask the loser one question.’ As his eyes fall on your words, he seems a little taken aback. Levi seems to think for a moment, like he’s weighing his pros and cons.  
“One non-personal question.” He amends. You both nod in agreement. So, your eyes travel around the room, looking for your first target. It falls on a group not so far away.  
‘I bet that gaggle of young girls over there are here for a bridal party.’
You point in the direction of the said group. Currently they were taking tequila shots, lime and all. All of them sparkled and were dressed up to the nines, save for the silly little hats adorning their heads. And they were having so much fun.  
“No way,” Levi scoffs, “That has to be a 21st birthday. They all look like babies.”  
Suddenly someone comes through a parting in the crowd with a tray of assorted colorful drinks garnished with cute little accessories. They all yell in excitement at the sight. One of the girls raises her glass and starts shouting.  
“To Estelle! May your married life be full of infinite love, happiness, and orgasms!” They all cheer and take big gulps of their drinks, followed by more giggling.  
Levi glances art you, his gray eyes dull in the dim bar light. An eyebrow lifts at you as well.  
“How did you know?” 
You do a sweeping gesture starting from one shoulder down to the opposite hip. He looks back over to the women and conveniently the soon-to-be-bride had faced your direction. She was indeed wearing a white sash sporting the word ‘BRIDE’ in bright pink letters. He huffs as he rolls his eyes, and you smirk at him in return. You press the pad over to him, already equipped with your question.  
Levi scoffs at your question. As promised, it wasn’t very personal. You figured ice breaker like questions were a good start. But his pause made you question if this was a good idea, you didn’t want to run him off or make him uncomfortable. Then he clicks his tongue, and his face softens ever so slightly.  
“My favorite hobby, huh? It would have to be cleaning.” He simply states. 
Cleaning?  
‘Like mopping, dusting, all that jazz?’  
“Yeah, it brings me peace. I like the control. Plus, I can't stand filthy things, people, or places. It’s repugnant.” He scrunches his nose at the last statement. A laugh bubbles up and you can’t help but let it loose. You’re shot with a glare and a sharp tone.  
“Funny?”  
You shake your head no and smile lightly while your hands move adeptly on the pad.  
‘Not funny, just amusing because it’s not something I would have expected. It’s different. If it makes you happy then it is an admirable hobby.’ 
Levi’s looking away from you now. If it wasn’t so dim, you would have seen there was a light dusting of pink color his cheeks and ears. He clears his throat and scans the room for his victim. His eyes land on the couple in the back corner whispering to each other. He notices their not-so-subtle hand movements as they felt each other up. Nodding in their direction, he looks back over to you, leaning close so you can hear.  
“I bet that couple will get up in the next 3 minutes and excuse themselves to somewhere private.” Your eyes travel in that direction, only to look away hastily at such an intimate scene. You’re not able to think of a counter-bet because honestly, you’re thinking the same thing. Your eyes settle back to his face, but he’s already looking back at the couple. If he noticed you staring, he didn’t say. Suddenly his face is filled with a satisfied look, only to be replaced quickly with a look of horror. You follow his gaze again, afraid of what you might see.
Fortunately, it’s nothing risqué, as you catch the tail end of the couple slipping into one of the public, unmarked restrooms. But the thought of their future actions was enough to gross you out. Looking back at Levi, you scrunch your face up in disgust. He nods in understanding.  
“This is why we don’t use public restrooms, especially in a bar.” He pinches the bridge of his nose with his good hand. “When I said somewhere private, I meant like a residence or something. Filthy animals, unbelievable. They better scrub that bathroom down. Maybe I should tell the bartender when they’re done. Maybe I should help clean.” 
His retorts crack you up, your shoulders bouncing from silent laughter. He just stares at you impassively as he runs his fingers through his hair to get it out of his face.  
“Well, it’s not like we should ruin their fun. Anyways I suppose I won. Let’s see... what’s your favorite color?” 
You part your lips, dumbfounded. This was never an easy question, as you found joy in a lot of different colors. You bite your lip and start writing, but after a couple minutes Levi rips the pad from your hands out of impatience.  
salmon 
turquoise? 
canary yellow! 
orange 
dark forest gre- 
He just looks at you in alarm.  
“Just pick one.” he scolds. 
You snatch the pad back and scribble down, ‘It’s not that simple!’  
“It is to me. White, easy.” You just stare right back at him, not believing what you just heard. Out of all the many shades and hues out there, this man decides the color white.  
‘Why?’ 
“It’s clean.” is the only response you get.  
It makes sense, you think. But seriously, this man was so weird. But like you said earlier, it was different and that made it refreshing to you. You start searching for your next bet.  
As if in a scene from a movie you’ve seen a dozen times came to life, your eyes snap to a lone woman sitting at the bar, nursing a drink and playing on her phone. A couple seats down, you spot a few men chatting. One of the men is staring hard at the very oblivious woman. You nudge Levi with your elbow, not unnoticing the slight flinch from your touch. You point to the scene, and he is quick to understand.  
“I bet when he walks over to her, she’ll get up and leave.” He says confidently.  
Trusting your instincts, you scrawl back quickly as you notice the man started making his way towards the woman. Sticking your tongue out at him, you angle the pad to him so he could see.  
‘Absolutely not. She’ll tell him off right away.’  
To both yours and his surprise, not one moment later she throws the rest of her drink contents onto the man’s head. She gathers her belongings, throws a wad of bills on to the bar, then stomps out of the establishment. The rejected man staggers back to his friends, and they applaud him for his supposed gall. This event left you both stunned. There’s a moment of pause where you and Levi just stare at each other before all hell breaks loose as he starts talking and you start scribbling furiously.  
“She walked away, I win.”  
‘She threw that drink on him, that’s practically telling him off. And that happened before any walking off.’  
“That hardly counts, no words were used.” He scoffs and folds his arms across his chest as he stares hard at you. You weren’t sure if the indignation was real or not, but it was evident in his face.   
‘Words are not always needed to convey intent.’ You shoot back at him, shifting your weight to tap your foot defiantly. You would know this of course.  
This makes Levi pause. He opens his mouth to say something but then Erwin and Hange came crashing into the little bubble you two had made. Suddenly the sounds of clinking glasses and mindless chatter came rushing in and you took a step back.  
“Um, I think Hange might have had a little too much tonight.” Erwin says, to which your attention is drawn to a very drunk Hange. They were a blubbering, sobbing mess. Whining about things that ranged from Carly to her work stress and everything in between. Your sister rarely got this drunk, but you imagine the events from earlier might have been her breaking point. This was a sign to get her home.  
You hastily round the table to wrap her arm around you and prop her up. Then after whipping a $20 out of your purse and throwing it on the table in front of the boys, you give them a grateful smile and sign to Erwin.  
‘Thank you both for tonight. She and I had a lot of fun. But I need to get her home before she gets worse.’ As if on cue, they let out a loud wail and start sobbing into your shoulder. You shift your body to hold them closer so that you don’t drop them. Erwin grabs your $20 and shoves it back in your purse before zipping it up. He had left you no time to protest as he places a large hand on your shoulder and stares intensely at you.  
“Please, let me take care of this. Tell them this was an exceptional time. And to please stop by the café again, we owe each a good, sober talk.” His bright blue eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you warmly. “It was a pleasure meeting you too. I hope you join Hange on the café visits as well. I think Levi has warmed up to you just nicely.” He wiggles an eyebrow at his friend. Levi just shoves him back and rolls his eyes.  
“Tch, fuck off. She’s alright, I guess.” He’s staring at you now, not as cold as before. “You owe me an answer next time we meet.”  
You purse your lips at him and shake your head in disagreement. 
‘I totally won that, don’t even think otherwise.’ You jot down lazily on the notepad still on the table. It wasn’t as neat, but you were propping up a whole human, you couldn’t help it.   
“Are you sure you’re safe to get home okay? We can he-” You cut Erwin off with a wave of the hand. Their spot of choice was actually very lucky, as you only live a few minutes away. And to be honest, you needed the cold air. So, you sign a quick goodbye to your new friends and make your way out. 
Walking down the snowy sidewalk, you pat Hange’s head as she grumbles about random things. She opted to walk herself, but you kept your hand in theirs to lead them in the right direction. She only stumbled a few times but overall, you were able to keep a steady pace. You note that before you left, her glass of water had been untouched, so you make a mental reminder to hydrate her before throwing her in bed.  
‘Alcohol was not kind to those in their 30s’ you heard their voice say in the back of your mind.  
As your steps left crunching noises in their wake, you peer up at the moon and glittering stars. A certain raven-haired and silver-eyed man etched in your brain. You wonder how soon it will be before seeing him again.  
‘Levi’ you sign to yourself with a free hand. A smile cemented to your face the whole way home.
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☾ Next Chapter: December
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whinlatter · 1 year
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Hello! I just read the latest chapter of Beasts and I am, once again, blown away by your skill. I don’t usually read fics in the HP fandom (not sure why, to be honest- there are so many good ones!) but yours are far and away my favorite of the works I have read. (Re: Beasts, I would like to note that your portrayal of Hermione is dead-accurate and delightfully layered. I appreciate the kindness with which you write her, as neither a saint nor a monster— just a deeply traumatized teenage girl.)
I’m not sure if you dispense writing advice on here— if not, feel free to ignore the following— but if you are, I would love some pointers! I’m sure part of it is my anxiety talking, but I find whatever I write to be irritatingly juvenile. You do such a wonderful job of bringing nuance to your works, and I’d appreciate any guidance you have for amateur writers looking to take their fics to the “next level,” so to speak. Also, on a broader level, any tips you have about nailing characterization would be very welcome. I know the ultimate answer to my questions is simply “time and practice,” but I have a genuine desire to improve, and I figure there’s something I can do to hurry the process along.
In the interest of not wasting your time, I’ll wrap it up here. Many, many thanks!
Oh man, I’m blown away by this comment, are you kidding me? Thank you so so much. You really don’t know how much that means to hear (saving this to look back on on a rainy low self-esteem day).
On writing advice... I'm always a bit hesitant about offering writing advice, even though I have benefited so so much from other people’s advice over the years in lots of different ways (probably because I suspect few of us ever really see our own work very clearly). This is also sort of hypocritical of me because I literally teach (non-fiction) writing as part of my job, lol, but maybe this is my imposter syndrome syndroming.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about this question since you sent this, and wanted to say something that might be useful. I actually ended up going back to the (very bad) fanfiction I wrote about 15+ years ago for another fandom (I will not be linking this here lmao), to see what I do differently now and what I’d gotten better at. This was both a very unsettling but also very cathartic process, lol, because I think I’ve gotten a lot better since then (though, truthfully, it couldn’t have gotten much worse).
So, having done that, I’ve tried to put some writing advice and reflections and thoughts below that I think I’ve learnt since I first started writing and that I feel I’ve found out the hard way (by getting it wrong first time around). My points below are more ‘what I admire in other people’s work and ‘what I would like my writing to do’ rather than me thinking I do all these things well all the time, especially on the nuance and characterisation questions. Some are going to sound super obvious but I definitely did not know them once and have definitely had to work to learn all of them, so I really hope they’re useful to you all the same.
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Having now sat down and read my truly truly dire past fanfiction (which has a lot of reviews on it telling me, in no uncertain terms, how and why the work sucked), I think these are the things I wish someone had told me or the things I've learnt after a long long time of getting it extremely wrong...
Writing should answer a question, or a series of questions. I think the big shift from the fanfiction I used to write is that I would start from the premise of ‘I want to write these two characters in X setting’ or ‘I want to fill in Y missing moment’. It’s not that these are bad premises - often, fic ideas start this way - but there needs to be a step after this idea before the writing happens, which is the ‘what question would this answer and what would the answer be’. To give an example, for Orchards I always wanted to write a Harry/Ginny summer teenage love story, but I never really thought of it as answering a question, and so every version I could imagine doing of it was unsatisfying. It was only when I realised the question I had was how does someone fall in love and not realise it (and, I guess, and what do they do when they’ve realised it too late?) that I was like ohhh ok, the fic needs to answer that question, and the conceit is how do we get from A (not being in love) to B (falling in love, but not knowing it) to C (knowing it, and being tormented by knowing it). The later layers the fic took on and that I now like so much - flashbacks, use of the future tense to switch to a period where Harry knows he’s in love but can’t do anything about it - all came after that realisation, and I think the fic is more satisfying for me as a writer because it answers a question I had always had in the back of my mind but hadn’t made conscious.
Show, don’t tell - so, signpost, but give the reader credit. Work that I really admire and take the most from is work that doesn’t beat the reader around the head with the point of each scene. You don’t need to tell the reader how x character is feeling. ‘Ginny felt angry because she thought Hermione was being dismissive of other people’s feelings’ - that’s a note to yourself as a writer more than it needs to be expressed so obviously written to the reader. On a first draft, maybe you need that line to be written out as you figure out how characters are feeling in that scene - that’s completely fine. But as you edit, think of ways you can show that kind of emotional response without coming out and straight up saying it. Try to cut lines that state emotional responses so starkly and jarringly, because they take the reader out of the flow of the scene. How might Ginny as a character show she’s pissed off in ways that are legible to the reader (especially a reader of fanfiction, who is familiar with her)? How can we show Hermione being dismissive (not making eye contact, for instance, or saying curt, dismissive statements that shut down the conversation). This relates to the next point which is… 
Make the setting work for you - or even let it be a character in its own right. It’s rare in any form of fiction writing that the setting or the activities around characters are incidental. This is especially true for HP, where the author uses the setting throughout to both build a sense of atmosphere but also parallel/symbolise the dynamics of the scene at hand, like little winks to the reader. The weather is often the most obvious way of doing this. As the author, you play god - the weather is exactly what you want or need it to be to best serve the scene. That doesn’t mean necessarily happy scene has to = sunny, or sad scene = rain,, but it could mean torrential rain = huge release of something pent up that’s been building for hours (think of the rain pounding on the tent when Harry and Ron have their screaming match in DH - it’s like a fourth character in that scene), or too-hot sun = rising pressure, huge discomfort, feeling prickled and angry and trapped with no shade (think of Harry at the start of OotP, in the heatwave). It doesn’t have to be weather, either. If you want to show how a character is guarded, struggling to let another character in, why not have them have the conversation hovering in a doorway, with the door partly closed? If you want to write a scene where two characters are thinking about their future together and really getting somewhere emotionally, why not have them have the conversation in a moving car, heading towards a meaningful destination (you could even have the instigator of the conversation in the literal driving seat, if you want to suggest dynamics of control or maturity). These are just examples, obviously, but the writing I really admire does this so well (and rewards re-reads for that reason).
Find a motif or a hook. This is more a personal preference, but I love reading pieces of writing that have a clear framing. The post-war summer fic I’ve been working on for nine thousand years lol only really started coming quicker once I finally found a conceit - an image, really - that worked for me (the fic is called Rubble, and the conceit is: how do you literally build a house that is a family home, as a way of thinking about rebuilding after the war, told around the Weasleys as a family). For Orchards, there are a few motifs: ‘the truth’ as a character; ‘truth or dare’ as a game, but also as a metaphor for Harry and Ginny’s early love story, and Quidditch (love is a quaffle). In Beasts, I have motifs and hooks that I hope to stretch over the entirety of the fic, not least this idea about beasts and beings and the hubris and the monstrousness of the wizarding world - I wanted to write a postwar fic for a long time, but I didn’t have a conceit that allowed me to get at the type of story I wanted to tell for ages. Within each chapter, I also like to have a little motif: so chapter two it was ‘coming back’, chapter three it was sleep and dreams, chapter four it was the soul/what makes a person who they are, chapter five was the sea. Some of these were more successful than others lol, but it helps me to fashion and discipline a piece when writing and when editing/cutting to think: everything in this piece, in some loose way, needs to link back to this theme I’m trying to thread through.
Make sure people sound/think/behave like people. I’ve put points specifically about characterisation below, but this is a more general point: characters shouldn’t sound like generic talking points, they should sound like real people putting together sentences. I think in fanfiction writing, because we often want to resolve flaws in characters, write about characters we love and admire, or want them to have the difficult conversations or hard confessions that they don’t do in canon, we sometimes can both idealise them and make them sound like very self-aware consistently compassionate angels who are experts at expressing exactly how they’re feeling in extremely emotionally healthy and communicative ways. It would be nice if our characters all did that, sure! But what makes for immersive, compelling writing is when characters try and struggle and fuck up and live their flaws, and sound like real living breathing failing growing people.
You probably need to lose the last line. The last line of a fic is important, but sometimes you can lose a reader who’s been with you the whole time with a clumsy last line or one that’s excessively cheesy or overly summarising or just seems like an afterthought because you wrap up. I say this as a real mea culpa because I still suck at last lines, but the best advice I have gotten on this is, if in doubt, cut the last line you were going to go with, lol. Let the scene end without the line you think is a great summative profound line or something reassuring or overly comforting for the reader. I am definitely still learning this (the end line of chapter four of Beasts I’m still considering cutting or editing severely lol - it’s too on the nose for my taste, and I don’t love it), but the last lines I do like most are always the most minimalist, sparse, simple, or even abstract. basically - if it sounds like chat gpt could write your last line (chat gpt loves an on-the-nose happy ending - eg. ‘Hermione knew it was all going to be ok after all’) then go back to the drawing board.
Embrace critique. This is a very subjective one, especially for writing fanfic. Writing fanfic is a rich and rewarding hobby but I recognise that it is a hobby and a source of pleasure, so lots of people prefer not to get constructive critique. I’m actually being a bit hypocritical here as I don’t currently have a beta for fic writing, but I do have a brutal self-editing process (oh, the scenes and sentences I’ve cut!) and I have spent the last decade of my life in academic writing and sharing my work-in-progress written work over and over and over again, often for a couple of hours every few weeks in front of a room of people more senior and much smarter than me all with my written work printed out in front of them ready to tell me what I got wrong and what I need to change or get better at, lol. This has been bruising to say the least, but it 100% has made me a better writer and disabused me of a lot of the bad habits I picked up when starting out, and kicked the ego out of me thinking I didn’t need to edit and draft and re-draft everything several times. I’ve also spent a long time reading and editing and responding to other people’s work, in the same way, and that’s also been super productive to help me think about how to better communicate written ideas, fiction or non-fiction. So I think real improvement and growth in your writing has to come from getting a thick skin and being able to take critique from people you respect, who are constructive not destructive, and who believe in your talents, your right to show them, and want to see your work presented in the best possible way.
On characterisation specifically...
Look for similar scenarios in the books and see how the character reacts to those. I go back to canon a lot to find plots that are analogous to the plots I’m writing to see how characters physically and verbally respond to them. My thought processes are like, Hermione and Ginny in conflict? Head to HBP when they clash over Harry and Sectumsempra to see how they fight lol. Need to write a Weasley ensemble scene? Head to Goblet of Fire Burrow chapters pre-world cup to see the family dynamics in full swing, and see how the text conveys warmth and love between the characters, while also attending to power dynamics and changing/fractious relationships, down to the adverbs used to describe how people speak, how they physically occupy the space. (I used this chapter a lot when writing the beach day scene for the latest chapter of Beasts, because I knew I was going to have a scene that in part shows how Bill operates an older brother, especially how he deals with his parents and Percy, but also how to distinguish Bill from Charlie when they’re often characters that can get blurred together a bit as ‘the older ones’.) I’m doing this a ton with Hermione atm, because I think she sometimes exists in fanon differently to how she appears in canon and I didn’t want to just assume I knew her speech patterns based on reading a lot of fanfiction about her, but also because Hermione, unlike Ron, doesn’t have her existential crisis within canon but probably (I suspect) has a post-war reckoning that speaks on insecurities and traumas that do occur within the canon text. So if I’m looking at Hermione struggling to relate to the student body, I need to go back to the canon text and find moments where some of those dynamics were already starting to come into play (eg. Hermione not getting Quidditch, Hermione’s responses to Neville telling them what life was like under the Carrows, Hermione’s relationship with other girls in her year eg. Lavender and Parvati).  
Relatedly: look at how characters that are similar to each other react to certain scenarios if you don't have enough evidence of how one character might behave. I decided with Beasts that, while Harry and Ginny are not the same person, they are characters that often react in certain situations similarly, so if I don’t have an example of how Ginny herself would respond to a certain situation (eg. injury in Quidditch), I can use Harry’s response as a bit of a guide for what Ginny would be like. That scene in chapter two where Harry and Ginny discuss her going back to Hogwarts actually borrows lines from Dumbledore and Harry’s conversation in the purgatory King’s Cross after Harry’s ‘death’ - ‘I have to go back, don’t I?’ ‘That’s up to you’ - because although Ginny deciding to go back to Hogwarts is not exactly the same as the decision Harry makes not to ‘go on’, it seemed there were enough analogies with it that I could borrow little lines and colour from that scene. (I have a bit of a cop-out dumb joke to myself in this scene - Harry saying to Ginny ‘we’re the same’ is me nodding to swapping out two very similar protagonists).
Play the ‘there’s a pigeon in the living room’ game. There’s lots of different versions of this exercise for improving characterisation, but I like this one: if this character woke up tomorrow, went into their living room and found a pigeon in it, what would they do? How would they respond? Would they scream/swear/laugh/calmly acknowledge the situation? How would they physically respond - would they try to get the pigeon out, if so how would they physically try to do that? What words could you use for how their body would move in the space while they tried to, say, open a window, or shoo it out the door? Would they call someone to help, if so, who, and why? What would they say, and how would they say it? It's such a stupid game but I do really find it helpful to better inhabit the character, especially if the character is very different from you as the author.
Good characterisation means trying to get everyone right. The trouble sometimes with fanfiction writing is that we have our main character as someone that we love and want to write about, and then harness all other characters in the service of our main character’s personal development. But that’s not really how real people behave - people rarely walk around thinking all day every day about one specific main-character person they know, lol (I always think of the bits in Inception where everyone starts looking at the person in the dream…) Strong characterisation means having at least a working understanding of what motivates every character that interacts with the main character in the fic, that thinks about how both characters perceive their relationship, and how their behaviours and the things they say might change based on who they’re talking to. Characterisation is deeply relational, and very much about how characters react or respond in a way that’s highly specific and contextual. It just takes a lot of really boring slog work of figuring how characters’ typical sentence structures, their body language, their thought-processes, who they gravitate towards, the kind of arc or change they are capable of. It’s important not to come in with judgement, and from a place of wanting to understand and empathise with a character. (It's why I don't really write characters I don't fully understand or 'get' - I'd do a horrible job!)
The last thing I want to say is that the best advice I ever received is pretentious and cloying but true: it's to know your gift. You say you find your own writing ‘irritatingly juvenile’. But in even asking a question like the one you’ve asked, you’ve shown you’re clearly a thoughtful, curious and creative person - and thoughtful, curious and creative people will always produce writing that other people will get something out of. I’ll bet your writing has real strengths, some that you don’t even see and others that actually (at least I hope!) you recognise and that you’re really proud of. This doesn’t mean you can’t develop new skills or improve or challenge yourself. But starting any process of improvement by clearly identifying what you’re good at (knowing your gift), figuring out why you’re good at it, thinking about how best to showcase it and believing you have a right to show this talent or skill is really important. I know this is excruciating to do but I really recommend making a little list of things and starting from this point of acknowledging you have stories to tell and ways of telling them that other people will admire and benefit from you sharing with them. You'll never actually want to improve if you come from a place of being horrible to yourself as a writer. What you do has worth, and wanting to improve is a journey we're all on, just trying to find ways to better share what we have and have it mean something to someone else who comes across it.
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Heyy i Hope You’re Doing well! I’m a new writing acc and I don’t really have any requests or an audience, can I please ask for your advice on how to start writing more or gaining an audience, because I struggle to write without any ideas being given or a prompt list.
Sending love!! Byee
Hello, welcome to the world of writing fanfiction! Since this might get a bit rambly, I'll stick my advice under the cut. I'll also break it up into categories, and bold the most important parts, just for easier readability.
Writing a particular niche/experience
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how universal my experience with writing/the following I built is, because my blog is directed towards a specific niche? It was genuinely a case of there being very few fics directed at/including neurodivergent readers, deciding "fine, I'll do it myself", and then the people who also wanted more of such fics were drawn to my writing as they came across it.
As such, writing one or two things based on your unique personal experiences (that you're comfortable sharing) might be a good start?
Your blog doesn't have to be centred around those experiences for you to write about them, and it doesn't have to be very specific, either (a few of my first posts were literally HCs for "[character] x Autistic!Reader - Established Relationship"). My more specific/unique ideas came along as I wrote more, and from the requests that came in over time.
There'll always be someone out there who not only relates to your experiences and feelings, but is waiting to see themselves in your stories!
Prompt lists (even without anyone to send them!)
Other than that, though: there's no shame in starting with a prompt list! Even if there's no one to give you a prompt yet, you might be able to find a small list, and then put the numbers/prompts into a random name picker to choose it for you?
I've just had a look for some examples, and a lot of prompt lists tend to be fairly long, from what I'm seeing (around 15-25 prompts seems to be the average) - but I've found this blog, that has some smaller lists to choose from. If anyone else knows of any others that anon might find useful, feel free to share them here!
An extra bit of advice...
This isn't really relevant to your question, but is the No. 1 bit of advice I would give to a new fic writer: figure out what you are/aren't comfortable writing before you start taking requests.
When I got my first request, the requester ended up having to change it a couple times, because I hadn't considered that, for example, someone could request a character I wasn't familiar with - leading to the "don't request characters I haven't already written for" rule in my guidelines. In hindsight, I'd recommend writing several fics before you start taking requests, so you have a better idea of what your boundaries are, and can list them out for people to take note of. It'll save you, and the requesters, a lot of trouble!
It's also important to not let anyone intentionally try to break those boundaries (e.g. by blatantly guilt-tripping you). While it's wonderful to have people appreciate your writing enough to want to see more from you, they aren't entitled to cross the line like that - it's OK to stand up for yourself. Do no harm, take no shit, etc. etc.
And that's all I've got!
I hope this was at least a little bit helpful - again, I'm not sure how universal the way my blog grew is, but hopefully there's something you'll be able to take away from this!
I hope you have fun writing! c:
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lorei-writes · 2 years
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For the writer asks... 2, 25, 49, 71
Hello, hello, and welcome! Thanks for playing with me! <3
2. Where do you get your fic ideas?
I... don't know. I also don't know how to answer this question without making it just a little bit embarrassing, haha. Oh well, embarrassing it is then.
Overall, I'd say it all boils down to the fact that my mind is a really loud place. My thoughts are nearly always racing. I struggle when dealing with outside noise (literal or visual), because it's even m o r e commotion adding to what is on the inside.
There are just a lot of connections being made at a fast pace? Say, I got anxious about my further education. It zapped straight to general future. I zapped to why am I not writing in the moment. It zapped to social media. Somebody posted a meme. I said something about cable ties. (Haha, trytka elektrytka sounds funny in Polish, note that down -- no, please, don't). Did somebody mention a nail? Jesus! Crucifixion! Replacing nails with cable ties. I instantly picture a Roman general performing a makeshift crucifixion with cable ties. Now make it kinky. Now don't make it kinky. "I never understood why you would care, and I dare say I still do not." I need to focus. I want to crochet. What about studying 2 point perspective? I want to translate that song (I've translated two strophes of that song!). I'm anxious, I'm anxious, I'm anxious. What will I do with my life. How will I mange.
"I never understood why you would care, and I dare say I still do not."
I put down that line. At this point I'm screaming on the inside. So I cling to it.
"My current existence is nothing more than an error in the matrix of this world."
Error how? Error why? Tell me, tell me, because I still don't know what I want to say, but the turmoil on the inside hurts too much.
"How come a person can be alive before a day they were even born?"
Remember that horror story you've tried to listen to? Take that. Take what you want. Bingo, you hit a jackpot, now run. Scream until it quiets down. (It took less than 15 minutes to write it down, counting in three breaks).
// Sometimes it's less chaotic and starts right at the 'write the first sentence and see where it takes you' point, but generally, everything is just a jumbled mess of connections that spark something.
25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?
I love brainstorming, but I must ration it out carefully. If I reach the conclusion too early, I will lose the drive to write it all out...
So, worldbuilding it is! Because I can brainstorm it ahead of time as much as I want, without it influencing my bursts of motivation in any significantly negative way. Heck, it usually gets me fired up.
49. What fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer?
Probably Codependent, Guilty in Spe // Brother & No Visits Policy for the best picture...
However, if I had to choose just one, at the expense of accuracy, it'd probably be A Hundred Days and Nights.
71. Do you spend more time reading or writing?
Definitely writing.
I haven't been much of a reader for years now, both in regards to fanfiction and original fiction. If you consider just works written in English, it gets even worse. If you exclude the mangas I'm following... Yeaah...
On the plus side, that's probably better for my health? Because once I get invested into a story, I cannot put it down until it's over. Last year I finished a certain series in two days. I spent over 35h on reading then. (I squeezed all my sleep, eating and such into the remaining less-than-13-out-of-48h then... And this is a fairly fortunate outcome, since usually it would be nearly impossible to sleep at all).
FanFiction Writing Asks
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buckyownsmylife · 3 years
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plagiarism and bullying
I am not sure how much readers of this community know about what’s been happening, but I know pretty much anyone who writes has been going through hell the last couple of months because of authors who have grown too big for their own heads - and have effectively managed to poison the entire community with their behavior, which is precisely what I feared.
And I am sick of it.
I am sick of what can only be described as psychological and emotional harrassment, done privately so people feel isolated and scared to post anything.
I am sick of people thinking they own tropes, alternate universes, clichés, pairings, characters, even GENERAL PLOT POINTS that no one can possibly possess and take ownership of.
I am sick of these same people being the ones who can’t see an idea being thrown in front of them before attaching themselves to it until the original author is forced to pull back on something they’ve been working on because this other person who they considered a friend posted it before (oh yeah. I know all about those of you who are calling out people as plagiarists while stealing WIPs from your friends).
So let me give it to you straight - and this is coming from someone who is actually a victim of plagiarism myself.
Every time one of you points a finger at someone else and shames them privately or even attacks them publicly for writing a story that has the same generic set-up (Steve finds your fanfiction, Bucky loses himself to the Winter Soldier, reader needs to be rescued by one of the supersoldiers) you’re doing all of the people in this community a disfavor, by 1. making everyone scared of publishing anything, because the entitlement for the littlelest things seems vindicated now and 2. you’re taking away from actual instances of plagiarism and authors who are having their entire works stolen.
Think of it this way: can I feel entitled to the concept of sex pollen? only one bed? in vino veritas? why can I feel entitled to this concept that I apparently came up with but that can be rewritten in a thousand different ways?
If someone else can take that generic summary and run with it in a way that’s their own, YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO TRADEMARK IT. It ISN’T an instance of intellectual property and it most definitely isn’t plagiarism.
You all have common sense. Use it. It’s one thing to copy an entire premise of a series, keep the same AU and character and change the lines of dialogue. It’s an entire different thing to create your own stepfather Bucky series, or mobster Steve series, or Alpha all of Chris’ characters (here, have one of “my own” ideas), with your own premise, your own ideas for each chapter and the other details of their relationship with the reader.
Or are you telling me from now on, there can be no more alpha!Bucky’s heat taking over him suddenly, Steve and Reader have to share a bed on a mission, stories with reader, charles and lee as a pairing or any other unusual one? Is that what we really want? To be the only suppliers of a certain trope, pairing or au? Can you see how your ego is affecting the entire fanfiction community hee on tumblr? Why authors are giving up on providing their fictional universes to welcome us into after a lousy day?
If your work inspired someone else’s, there’s a simple way to resolve it: reach out to the writer, confirm it was actually inspired by yours and ask them to give you credit. Credit is the actual solution for works that have been inspired by other works, but not bullying, not threats, not forcing someone to delete their own versions of a story we’re all actually sharing because bottom-line? We are all stealing Marvel’s characters and placing them on Shakespeare’s plot lines and the only thing we can do about it is add our porn and our own personal interpretations, imagination and developments.
And that means, of course: writers, if your story was inspired by someone else’s, please give them the proper credit. As I’m sure you’re aware, we are very quick to identify when something is similar to our creations, and it’s a fucking awful feeling. It’s what created this whole witch hunt over plagiarism in the first place, but while in 8/10 cases it isn’t actually plagiarism, it fucking sucks and it could have been easily prevented when it was just a matter of recognizing you aren’t the seventh wonder of the universe and actually got the inspiration to write that story from someone else.
In the same way, DON’T STEAL PEOPLE’S IDEAS WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT THEM. And no, THAT’S NOT PLAGIARISM either, it’s just common decency. They might even be okay with you writing the same idea, but it’s always nice to let them know and give them credit. Especially if it’s someone you consider a friend, but even more so if it’s something you saw as a snippet of a WIP on your timeline (as a general rule, I wouldn’t work on anything I thought intriguing only after I saw someone else was writing it).
And finally, still keeping that other point in mind: you don’t have the right to stop someone from working on something similar to what you’re writing. Can you imagine how many people are writing, at this exact moment, stories with the same premise? Of course, once it’s out, there’s a high chance the projects will be completely different, since each writer made it their own. I am willing to bet most of them didn’t copy from one another, they just happened to be interested in the same things - which is often the case here, prevented you aren’t an asshole that does what I described in the last paragraph.
I don’t know about you guys, but I am excited to read more stories about magical boading schools and I definitely hope J.K. Rowling won’t stop me from getting that.
Similarly, I beg you. You want to write your mafia!andy series? Please, do. The world needs your story. Just make sure it truly is your story that you’re telling.
tl;dr: plagiarism is a real issue, but never an excuse to bully people and traumatize them from writing. Writers, learn the difference between plagiarism and inspiration. If you do think it’s actual plagiarism you’re working with, please follow the following steps:
Before accusing anyone from plagiarism:
1. Actually talk to them without threatening or manipulating them so you can understand what happened and let them know how you feel. 80% of the times they’ll apologize and give you credit for it. 
2. Unless you’re the reincarnation of William Shakespeare (and so being, you have the rights to all of the tropes and plot twists created in modern literature. go you!) - and prevented the “plagiarism” isn’t so obviously truly plagiarism, that it can be proven with two screenshots placed side by side - talk to someone unbiased who will tell you if what you think was stolen was actually stolen. There’s a good chance you’re being delusional and thinking the entire world is aware of your stories and looking forward to take advantage of your hard work on them.
A good rule of thumb? Don’t do to others what you don’t wish would be done to you, and make sure to apply that rule to the way you approach the situation and treat the person you were so quick to consider a villain. I’ve yet to see (in this community, since I got here) a situation where the writer accused of plagiarism when confronted has been anything other than kind and remorseful, ready to remedy the situation once it’s been brought to their attention.
If you’re so certain of being right, there’s literally no reason to be aggressive to someone who’s not treating you rudely.
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conarts · 3 years
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hi hello nice to meet u all cant wait to party soon!!!!! i’m sol (they/them, 21+, cst) and im a weekend fairy but i’ll thank u in advance for being patient with me :~) i have some info on garam below the cut but like tl;dr: this is her lol
like this post if you’re down to plot! im way faster on disc but ims are chill 22
song garam, 26, phenomenally subpar at most things, and only good at things that no one will believe she’s good at. welcome to the real world, garam. 
she honestly has the blandest most unexciting upbringing ever. only child with average parents that were neither too loving or too cold and they were also staunchly middle class w/ nothing to write home about... INSANE !!!! even the extended family was wonder bread plain 
(admittedly no one knows her well enough to know whether anything she says about her family or her past or whatever is actually true? but that’s kind of the way she rolls. she’s as unreliable as unreliable narrators get!)
anyway she’s been pretty whimsical and u...unique since she was young. probably all of that bad fanfiction she accidentally stumbled upon in her youth? but she definitely wanted to make a name for herself or like. carpe that diem and shed her boring ass life or something
so she left home abruptly about two years ago after going through all the motions (high school - average! uni - average!) to “find herself”
and “find herself” she did lmao 
tbh she doesn’t ever think things through. like she gets very swept up in things that seem “cool” or “fun” and just DECIDES she will do those cool and fun things. consequences? no thank you. hindsight? NOT EVEN 20/20. 
anyway she spends about a year and a half absolutely fighting for her life (not literally but figuratively) to keep her head afloat. and by this i mean she’s doing a lot of part time jobs but definitely spending more time on random mmorpgs conning people into buying her cool gear for her character etc (not intentionally) (she’s just naturally #charming haha) (ok sorry) than she should be 
some random endeavors she’s attempted and failed since leaving home: pickle business (TERRIBLE, 1/10, literally doesn’t even taste sour), feet pics sorry, et*y shop where you pay for handwritten roasts on nice stationary (actually a pretty popular idea but expenses seemed to outweigh profit)
part time jobs she was also pretty bad at: convenience store clerk (fell asleep, let the store get ransacked while asleep), advertisement mascot (gave all 300 of her advertisements to one person when she had to take a piss), tutor (“sorry i thought this was for english not for math. i don’t even know what a denominator is”)
"but sol is there anything she’s good at?”
great question, sol! garam is actually a talented writer, though she’s definitely never thought to put her talents to any sort of good use (at least not until recently). serendipity leads her to her new gig, which is actually ghost-writing for a popular horror novelist. the kicker is that her writing for this novelist is really only “good” because all of the real world examples of batshit crazy shit happening in her apartment building
so is there anything she’s good at?
no.
no, there isn’t.
wanted plots
one of 1983986489738972873 people that unintentionally got roped into a short-lived relationship with her that actually just ended up being her asking for money to start a stupid business and then ghosting (never intentionally but she is definitely still ghosting, objectively speaking)
banging on ur door at 3am because she came home late and her entire room’s been emptied b/c of whatever ghosts like to play pranks at 10pm. you’re like ‘can i help you’ and she is very honest about the fact that the ghost took the toilet paper too and she has ibs 
sorry she accidentally scammed you on m*plestory but can’t we let bygones be bygones why ARE YOU HOLDING SCISSORS TO HER FAKE DESIGNER PURSE
you actually know how to cook? that’s so cool! do you want to try her homemade pickled daikon? wait why do you look like you’re about to hurl? what was that? call an AMBULANCE? 
couldn’t help but notice you’re reading MIRRORBREAK by hit novelist [redacted]. not to brag but she wrote the best scene in that book- what? what do you mean you don’t believe her? 
classic fake dating plot where she’s like “no im not single! im dating [your name]!” except it’s not very romantic because she really just wanted the couple’s deal on movie theater popcorn AND nachos. you understand, right? it comes with nachos.
maybe someday i’ll come back to this and put together some serious plots too? maybe? someday? stay tuned.
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thirteenmyspacegirl · 2 years
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6. What’s the last line you wrote?
13. Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what have you been listening to recently?
20. Do you prefer writing AUs or canon fics?
24. How do you choose whose POV to write in?
51. Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?
53. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?
55. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?
58. Do you have a favorite piece of figurative language you’ve written?
70. Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3?
74. Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love?
77. Why do you enjoy writing fanfiction?
YOOOO THIS IS SO MANY OML BESTIE THANK YOU THANK YOU
ALSO WELCOME BACKKKKKK :DDDD
6: "Looking around, they saw various painted artworks; some depicting the crew, others of various creatures, and some just clashes of colors to make intriguing patterns and designs." -From Oh the things being surprised adopted can bring you
13: Yup! I usually listen to Closed on Sunday's star wars lofi, or other star wars soundtracks, since i can't concentrate when i have music with lyrics on
20: A bit of both, if something happened in canon that i love so much i absolutely HAVE to include in my fic, i will literally change an au to canon for that specific thing (for example in my most recent dw fic, i wanted to somehow include the 'i wanna tell you everything' moment so bad i reworked the timeline of my entire 15+ chapters so i could have it djejwjkskddi), but au's are usually more fun since i can include an oc/bring back characters from the dead-looking at you torchwood-and be a lot more free with headcanons and world building and all that fun stuff!
24: Oooooh this is a good one actually. In my original story that I'm working on, i have two main characters that are each other's worst enemy, and i keep flipping back and forth between their pov's and sometimes a descriptive 3rd person pov. But for stories with many characters usually all often in the same space, I'll usually write in 3rd person with a specific character pov point/chapter occasionally thrown in
51: Not really haha, what usually happens tho is I'll be looking for something i wanna read, and if I can't find it I'll just write it myself xD But in a general sense I usually take inspiration from what I read, and if i like it enough I try to apply some of the ideas too:)
53: uhhhhh hm i am not sure but probably angst 💀
55: Sort of? if there's a word/phrase that i come across that i really like and basically hyperfixate on, it'll appear a lot in one section of my writing lmao- i also do tend to notice i write things the same/similar ways, I wouldn't really be able to describe it lol but i think it's because i need to branch out more in style and type wjdjjwjdkskswl
58: oh gods i have no idea- I've gone through every wip document and i can't find a super good/funny one😭 the only alright one that i don't hate is the constant reference of TIE Fighters "screaming" ejdjskekdkwk
70: mhm! 9 authors and 5 works/series'!!
74: y e s everyone go read my only completed doctor who fic To Have to Hold here!!!!
(and also if you're interested in following an incredibly irregularly updated star wars fic featuring my oc Maia you can read Oh the things being surprise adopted can bring you here :) )
77: oh there's so many- mainly the world building and the being able to make anything and everything happen to my favs and cause so much stuff to happen to them dajjedkwkdoei
thank u so so much for all of these this was so much fun :DDDD
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streets-in-paradise · 2 years
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What are your request rules and are your requests open?
Hi!! I'm so sorry for this super late answer. I didn't have much time on the computer and I don't like to write long answers on mobile because it never works right on my phone.
I haven’t wrote a proper post with guidelines, but thanks for reminding me I should. My blog is very small, I don’t get asks often and i think that’s why I always forget. 
To give you the most complete answer I can at the moment, I will begin for the requests status. Currently I have 5 requested WIPS on the process of being posted, what I know sounds like a lot, but I tend to leave my requests always open because i write from some underrated media (like the Troy movie) for which is literally impossible to find any character x reader fics out there. 
This mentioned lack on certain niche shit i like is what motivated me into becoming a fanfict writer in the first place. So, because i understand how frustrating it feels, I try to stay always open for requests. It may take me a while to complete every request, but I try to take in as much as I recieve. 
Now, about my rules. I don’t have a specific guideline in mind yet. However I can approximate a few ideas of what i prefer to write and what I wouldn’t write. 
Basical Information 
1- It is highly appreciated if your request includes an idea you have in mind for me to work. It doesn’t matter if it is very vague or extremely detailed, if you include just a concept or a one paragraph descripted escenario. In both cases it helps, because it gives me a better approximation of what you want to see in the request ( and helps my own ideas to develop.) 
2- Most of my work is on the canon character x reader fanfict genre and that is what i have more experience with. I wrote very few things involving only canon characters and I rarely do any canon x canon fics. My only exception so far has been Helen x Paris of Troy, with only one requested fic i wrote about them and one in the list to post. 
3- Since it adjusts to what I know better from my personal experience, most so far has been canon x fem reader. I have got very few requests, the majority of what I wrote has been written for and from my own self indulgent ideas. 
This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try anything else, but I only state it to warn that this is my comfort zone. I can of course try on canon x male reader or canon x gender neutral reader, but those would be my first ever attempts writting from that perspective. I would try, but apologise on advance because those would be my first practices. 
One of my biggest fears is to feel like the “ male writers when writing women” meme. Besides that, my native language (spanish) it’s a horror of genderized words that make extra hard to completely degenderize my thinking when writing. Just to give you a simple example, the word chair has an assigned femenine article even when it is an inanimated object (la silla).
It would be harder, but I can give it a shot to see how it goes. 
What I Would/ Wouldn’t Write
- I don’t write smut in requests because I feel I don’t have enough experience to write for others on that. There is only one smut post in my entire masterlist, that I wrote from an idea I had. 
- Fluff, angst and all the other standard fic genres are welcomed. 
- Canon x Reader is what i prefer to write, but I can try fics centered in one only canon character or random interactions of multiple canon characters. What I tend to stay away from is canon x canon ship fics. 
Fandoms 
I don’t have the amount of time available right now to make a full list of all the media I am either writing for or could be inclined to write. 
For now, I’m just going to say that what I am vibing the most at the moment is: the Troy (2004) movie, the Chucky tv series ( specially Adult!Andy Barclay), Pirates of the Caribbean ( i accepted a few request after some talking about Orlando Bloom characters I love) and I recently added Stranger Things to the list because I got Eddie Munson brainrot like the rest of Tumblr. 
Thanks for asking!! 
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ourstarscollided · 4 years
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jatp fanworks appreciation - day 1 (writers)
motivation - so in true me fashion and my aversion to brevity, i've made three (3) posts (see also artists, gifs/edits) to celebrate the wonderful people in this fandom who have made my jatp tumblr experience what it is; a community of people who simply shout into the void about their love of a ghost band and their fearless female leader. i've enjoyed simply being on the sidelines admiring everyone's love for the show, but i thought this would be a good time to really show my appreciation for all these wonderful people, because if i've learned anything from this pandemic, it's that there is NEVER a wrong time to tell someone that they are simply ✨the best✨.
disclaimer: i don't interact with most of these people personally and i simply absorb their content from afar and scream about how wonderful they are in the tags.
This list kind of became a fic rec, so if you're looking for some wonderful fics to read (or reread), I've also included my favs from the author here as well.
Okay this is gonna get a little long so please bear with me. But I just wanted to preamble this by saying that the fanfiction written by the jatp fandom is what resparked my love for reading fiction after about 3-4 years of not reading for leisure (be an adult they said. it'll be fun they said.). So I'm really grateful for that? I don't interact with a lot of people, just because it makes me a little anxious, but I will constantly yell about your content in the tags as if I were on a set of bleachers with a megaphone.
I also know there are so many wonderful fic writers out there (on Tumblr and not on Tumblr) that make amazing pieces of work, and this is just a tiny peek into that, and is not at all conclusive.
Without further ado here are some writers who live rent free in my head, in alphabetical order, so feel free to just skip to your name to avoid my rambling:
@bluefirewrites -> your Merry Ex-Mas fic had me on the edge of my seat every single time you updated. I am so in love with how you wrote the characters into this and at how many words you churned out for this fic. This was filled with so much adventure, and it was really welcome during a time when the world wasn't allowed to travel. And I simply love all the other drabbles and fics you write, but I especially enjoy the hilarity of Ray Molina, Crime Scene Photographer and Matchmaker.
@captainkippen -> I'm pretty sure Love Drunk was one of the first fics I ever read in this fandom. Your stories and your writing feel so goddamn real and I find myself so immersed in the worlds that you've created. I have reread most of your jatp fics and I still manage to find myself stupidly grinning at my phone each time. Your stories flow so easily and are such perfect characterizations of the characters we know from the show, but elevated to fit into your verse. I cannot say enough how wonderful your writing is and how talented you are!! (also a slight nudge that I am still very much following along with The Key and the Crown and I hope you continue it!)
@catty-words -> Your???? Exhaustive??? Music??? Lists???? The amount of work and dedication and microanalyzing that you put into pulling out every detail from each scene is so admirable. You not only manage to find the details, but you also give us EVIDENCE via your intricately selected gifs. You could've just put the video of the performance, but no, you take your time to find that specific 1 second shot to emphasize your point. And your little fics that you sometimes throw out into the world? They're so beautiful, and so fun to read and I enjoy them so much! (I am STILL screaming about this band's a snack) Thank you for validating my yelling in the tags, and for feeding my hyperfixation to this show. (I'm sad these lists are ending soon, but it's about the journey ya know?)
@lydias--stiles -> I don't even know what to say here because I've yelled so much about your fics that I feel like there's really nothing else to yell. Your Road Trip AU was also one of the first ones I read in this fandom, and really just made me go absolutely feral. Pretty sure I absorbed the rest of your fics in an ungodly amount of time and I just simply think you are incredibly skilled and talented. Every time you post a new fic I always wonder what it's like to be in your head because the ideas you come up with are so unique and so well thought out. Thank you for all the art you create for this show, I will constantly be in awe of you. (Special shoutout to the 5+1 fic that became a 31 chapter monster)
@pearlcaddy -> This list would not be complete if I didn't mention you. First of all, thank you for suggesting this wonderful week, it has been so lovely to see so much love being spread around today. Secondly, I never thought I'd find myself reading a Buffy or a Wizarding World crossover fic, considering I know nothing about those two things. And yet I found myself on various nights after work at 3 in the morning just silently screaming and/or crying into my phone. Your writing is so insane. Your world building is so insane. Your banter/dialogue is insane. The way you capture the love between Julie/Luke in different universes is so perfect. Thank you for gifting us these beautiful pieces of art, and I hope you know that you have at least made one person (me) a very happy reader. I also really admire your dedication to "this will only be a oneshot", only to write like 4 other POVs for it. (Special shoutout to 100 Bad Days)
@ruzek-halstead -> Literally every single fic you have written lives rent free in my head. The way you've managed to build this universe of different Julies and Lukes, and each one still captures the essence of them is astounding. You've extended their characters beyond what we know from the show and I am just in awe of everything you write. Please know that dead of night is both triggering to me and yet the most hilarious thing I have read. (Special shoutout to the Fake Dating Christmas AU and of course the Cinderella Story AU)
@serendipitee -> Your stories and your writing are absolutely magical. I think Write It Down was one of the first multi-chapter fics that I followed super closely and whenever you updated, I would literally drop what I was doing and read it instantly. You have such a way of building the plot and the characters for all of your fics and drabbles, and making the reader just want more. Please know that I am so obsessed with Oh, She Waltzed With the Dead and I cannot wait to see where you take the story!
@sunsetcurbed -> I have no words for your writing. I am simply in awe every time I read something from you. The way you've got down Alex and Willie's voice to a tee is so crazy good. You write their characters and their stories with such grace and care, especially with how you approach the topic of mental health. Thank you for all the research you do and for also writing in your own experiences. I literally binged the Princes Diaries AU during work and lost a good half day to it, and I regret nothing because that fic left me in SHAMBLES. I secretly adore the way you say you're going to keep a fic short, and end up writing an insane amount of words for it. (I have not yet left my obligated long-ass comment on Chapter 4 of the College AU yet because I am still processing the fate/destiny concept.)
@tangledstarlight -> Gahh. Rosie. Please. This is going to sound a little repetitive considering I just screamed at you last night, but now I guess I will just have to publicly confess my adoration for you!!! Thank you for being my first online friend in a very long time, and for putting up with me yelling at you about everything (and also nothing at the same time). I can't believe all it took was one message about your Royals AU for you to post it, but I will gladly take that credit any day. You are so so so incredibly talented with your writing, and your ability to transport me to another world while I read your fics is unparalleled. I adore the way you can come up with a new story to write every day, and then proceed to throw it into your pot of other WIPs. I am so so so so lucky to have gotten to know you and am incredibly grateful that I now have someone to cry about everything with 🧡 (If you read anything from Rosie, you need to read her Seasons/Long Distance Juke "friendship" fic and the Reggie x Photography oneshot that made me bawl my eyes out.)
@thedeathdeelers -> No thoughts. Just soulmates. Jk jk, you know I love your Reggie x Ray x Carlos fics, and I will scream in the tags about it until the day I get more of those fics from you. This is lowkey a threat, but wrapped in kindness. You are so wonderful to see on my dash (albeit scary at times because of the sheer amount of headcanons and theories running through your head), but you radiate such positive energy that it's impossible to not want to jump in and scream about soulmates with you.
Some special mentions to fics that also live rent free in my head:
@sunsetsandcurves wrote a Willex Cruise Ship AU inspired by a Simple Plan song and it’s something I never knew I needed until I read it. 
@phantom-curve wrote a Juke fic based off of Coney Island and I would just like to say, yes, it did shatter me. (Here’s the fluff sequel that makes up for it though)
@unsaidjulie wrote the Juke dog fic of my dreams and I simply cannot express how much I want the Molina’s to have a dog now. 
@pawprinterfanfic managed to get me incredibly invested in a Star Wars AU even though I know absolutely nothing about Star Wars. I just know that I would die for two (2) space boys. 
@sanssssastark  your Later universe made me realize that I do very much want there to be more mature content for this fandom (and you constantly deliver).
@theobligatedklutz wrote a Tangled Willex AU that makes me screech every time there’s an update. Just read it.
@alexthedrummerboy your talent knows no bounds when it comes to your Social Media AU. Also she’s written ORIGINAL songs for Alex and Willie?!?!?! 
@gennified has this really wonderful modern take on pride and prejudice for Willex and I’m so obsessed with how much miscommunication there is.
@bananaleaves okay, I just found your Tumblr today, and I know you don’t know me in any capacity, but allow me to scream about THIS FIC RIGHT HERE. If anyone in this fandom is to read ANYTHING, it’s this fic. This was one of the best things I’ve read in a long time and absolutely wrecked me. Please just read this.
This turned out WAY longer than it was supposed to, and I’m SO SORRY. (I also tried to make sure I got everyone’s pronouns right, so PLEASE let me know if they’re wrong!) A final sincere thank you to everyone in this fandom who writes. Your talent knows no bounds. Gonna stop talking now before this becomes an essay....
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mostgeckcellent · 3 years
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I'm here to ask about bibliotherapy!
First of all, I've literally never heard of it, so please feel free to tell me anything about it that you think would be helpful or cool for me to know!
Second of all... the fic writer in me obviously can't help but think about how it might relate to writing fanfiction. I'm not sure how to properly ask my question lol, but I guess I'd just be interested to hear any thoughts you have on a relationship there?
Becky!!! welcome to the Ren Isn't Working on Their Thesis Party!!!
So, I gave a brief overview (brief lol... brief in the context of my thesis is going to be very long indeed) of bibliotherapy in this ask, so I'm not gonna rehash All of it.
Instead, I'm gonna talk more about storytelling, because I think that's what's more relevant to the fic part of this ask. I'm also putting a readmore in now, because I've learned I can talk about this at length.
So, I'm gonna go ALLLLLL the way back into the fundamental theory for a second. Which means we're talking about Terence Deacon.
Human beings are the only species to use language. Now, language and communication are not the same thing. There are a lot of species that use relatively complicated methods of communication, with sounds that mean specific things. There are also species which have been taught to use human language (though there's a lot of debate there as to how much they're really using language, vs how much they've been taught to do a complex series of things in exchange for a reward). The fact is, using language isn't a matter of it just being too complex for other species to have evolved it - it just wasn't advantageous to those animals. Evolving language takes so much evolutionary energy - human infants are helpless for So Long, and so much hinges on their learning language. Here's the biggest difference, though, between how humans use language, and how animals can be taught to use language, whether they understand it fully or not: humans filter absolutely everything through language.
Here's where we get a little existential. Humans are a Language Species. Everything about ourselves is filtered through the lens of language; everything about how we perceive the world is through language. A gorilla can be taught that this word refers to food, or mother. To a human, that simple IS food, that simply IS mother. In that way, we require language in order to grow, as people. We have a lot of trouble conceiving of something we don't have language for.
What came first - humanity or language? Deacon argues you can't have one without the other. Language is fundamental to how we form the Self, and to how we connect to the world.
So, we need language. The way we use language is unique. I've been talking at you for like a hundred words now, when am I going to get to stories?
Well, now. Now is when I'm getting to stories.
Enter Joseph Gold. He says, okay, language is a fundamental, biological behaviour of human beings. Cool - let's take it a step further. It's not just language, it's stories specifically.
Stories are how we organize language. They provide lenses and frames for that language, and for the information contained within.
Now, in my last post I said I could talk about the difference between frames and lenses, but I wouldn't.
Guess what! I'm talking about it now instead. Imagine a picture. Whatever picture you want. Okay, now put it in a frame. It looks different, right? It might cut off something on the edges; it might flatten it better. A fancy frame might make you think about the picture differently than a frame made of popsicle sticks, or a dollar store frame. So, a frame, when we talk about literature, about stories, is the things in and around it that influence interpretation.
Take the frame off your picture, and imagine instead that you're holding a translucent sheet of coloured plastic in front of it instead. You can still see the original picture, but no part of it looks exactly the same; it's colouring directly what you're seeing. There we have the fundamental difference between a lens and a frame; a frame pushes you towards a certain interpretation. A lens changes directly what you see.
Everything has frames and lenses. Some of them are ones we arrive with; some of them are put there by others. Lenses tend to come from us; frames tend to come from other people.
Ren, I hear you say! This still isn't about stories!
I'm getting there.
Basically, every story has frames and lenses. Our lenses are informed by the things we've read before, the things we already believe, the things we've experienced. A hundred people could read the same book, hear the same story, and a hundred people will have taken something completely different and unique away from it, depending on what lens they're bringing to that experience.
And now I think you might see where I'm going with this when it comes to fanfiction!
A lot of research supports the idea that writing about your experiences can help process trauma, IF the person is in a place to be ready to do that. Forcing people to write about things before they want to won't work, just like forcing people to talk about things they're not ready for won't help. In my last post, I talked about how bibliotherapy is about getting you there. Reframing your trauma through a character can help you by proxy reframe it for yourself. It can make it easier to talk about.
Now, I'm not going to argue that writing fanfiction is a form of bibliotherapy. It's not. That doesn't mean it's not valuable! That doesn't mean you're not getting something out of it! It's just not actually a guided therapy, right?
But I think we can look at this theory and take a few things away from it regarding fanfiction.
1. everyone is going to interpret source material differently, they're going to connect to different things in it, and that's natural. We all bring our lenses.
2. writing fanfiction could very easily be a way of connecting with those narratives, and we will always bring something of ourselves into it, as writers. This is good!
3. given our tendency to connect to stories, given that stories are an inherent part of how we organize and take in information, fanfiction is such an intuitive way to grapple with the narrative presented to us via the fiction we consume
There's more, if I think about it. I'm sure it could be a thesis of its own! But those are the first things that come to mind, without really doing an in-depth analysis or taking a long time to think about it, I guess.
So, yeah! bibliotherapy, storytelling, fanfiction - I hope that answered your question! once again this is an absurdly long post.
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TINSITOGS, a retrospective (happy birthday)
(yes I’m like two days too late I know I’m sorry) 
Why hello followers and ass class fandom, nice to see you there. I’m sure MOST people know about this, but in case you don’t, hi. On AO3 I’m better known as livixbobbiex, writer of maybe one of the most infamous Assassination Classroom fics. 
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Which I mean like, if you haven’t read it yet you totally should it’s fanlore at this point I promise- 
Shameless plug that I don’t need aside, I felt that, on its first birthday since actual completion, I just wanted to share some things about it. Some tit bits about writing it, fun facts, maybe even some author advice TM. I appreciate that it’ll be super annoying if I do that in the tags, though, so that’ll all be under the cut. If you don’t want to read the whole post, then no matter what, thanks for the support in general! 
I also want to take the opportunity to announce that I’ve reopened my discord, so if you want to talk about my fics with me (and others), you’re more than welcome to join! (the link is here) 
The origin story 
I’ve stated this many times, I think, but TINSITOGS was never supposed to be a serious story. Taking you back, quite a long time, it actually started in a facebook DM with a friend. We used to come up with “head canons” with each other, which were basically just very condensed fanfiction plots over a multitude of text messages. I believe I was trying to cheer her up, and I tried to come up with some kind of plot line. 
At the time, I was fairly fresh to the Ass Class fandom, and I was joking about how there were no teen pregnancy melodrama fanfictions. It wasn’t that I wanted one, I just thought it was strange for a school centric anime with a bunch of ships to NOT have one. And, back then, I only really cared about karmagisa. So I just decided ‘right it’s happening’. The reason I decided to make it ABO was due to ‘it making sense’. Fun fact: it was almost written as AFAB trans Nagisa, but I decided against it as I didn’t rate my ability to handle it well back then. Looking back on it, I’m glad I made that decision. 
Over around two months, writing out the plot of this story took over my life a little bit. I had no idea where I was going with it, but I was having so much fun with the drama that I decided that Karma and Nagisa shouldn’t get together soon at all, and I had a lot of fun teasing my friend with the ‘will they won’t they’. It was only when I got bored that I invented this intense drama plotline to finish it all off. 
That period of time was a lot of fun. And whilst that friendship didn’t end well, I still have a lot to thank her for. She chose Daichi’s name because I had no idea, and she wanted to annoy me because I didn’t like Haikyuu. When I couldn’t decide on his hair colour, the purple was her suggestion because ‘why logic?’ Daichi speaking Korean was because of how much she liked Kpop. She even helped me choose the title of the actual fic, so there’s a lot you can thank her for, honestly. 
After I finished that story, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Whenever I daydreamed, I used to think about that damn Daichi Akabane, and how much I wanted to tell his story. I’d even come up with extra stuff to fill in a lot of the gaps, and developed his character in my mind. I decided that I was really desperate to write it down. Usually that worked when I had an idea I wanted to work through. 
I wrote the first chapter in late 2017, and then the next two as well. I just, kept going, and realised that I could go further still. TINSITOGS was never something that was supposed to be shared, but I decided I may as well. After all, that fated ‘teen pregnancy drama’ fic still didn’t exist, and I thought it would be funny to make it happen. 
Yes, as I’ve stated publicly a few times, TINSITOGS was a crack fic. If I wanted attention from it, it was infamy. We even joked about me cursing the fandom if it ever became the most popular fic (whoops?). What I wasn’t expecting was a bunch of people, in a fandom where at the time there were NO ongoing karmagisa fics and it was pretty dead, to really seem to enjoy it. It was enough to have me keep writing it, at least. I still don’t know at what point I actually started taking it seriously, but somehow I did, and the rest is history? 
The reception 
In my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would be the author of one of the most popular fics in the fandom. To this day, the amount of views TINSITOGS has is insanity to me. For the record, across all platforms it’s on today it has 238,000, which is literally a number I can’t even visualise anymore. Almost quarter of a MILLION. To this day on AO3, it’s the most viewed Ass Class fic that’s an ACTUAL ass class fic (the others are multi fandom compilations). So yeah, I achieved the original goal, I guess? 
Now you might be wondering, “omg the karmagisa fandom is fujoshi trash”. And, considering the origins, it is kind of funny. The thing is, though, TINSITOGS was written at incredibly good time. It was written when there were, essentially, very few long form Karma/Nagisa stories. If any other fics did get posted on occasion, they were usually just oneshots. I was also, at that point, writing very fast. A symptom of ADHD is becoming obsessively productive over certain things. Since I was able to get a 3k chapter out every few days/once a week, TINSITOGS was consistently bumped to the top of AO3′s default view. And some of those first few chapters were altered canon, and transcribing the canon dialogue didn’t take very long. The more views it got, the more people would read it out of sheer curiosity. 
I think it also helps that, at least after it started getting some positive feedback (which was honestly after the pre written chapters), I purposely tried to make it ‘not terrible’. I mean, I personally think the first chapter is pretty weak and if it wasn’t somewhat iconic to a lot of people I’d rewrite it. But in general, I purposely tried to make the world of ABO my own, to make it more accessible to those who don’t like that genre, and stay away from the inherently grosser stuff as much as possible. I genuinely do get comments about how I introduced people to the genre as a whole, still not sure if that’s a GOOD thing but hey, it happened. 
TINSITOGS turned into a lot more than just a joke. It turned into my favourite hobby. It turned into a research project (honestly, you would not believe the amount of mummy vlogs and legit scientific articles about child development I consumed). It turned into something that, at least I believe, was widely loved. 
Meaning 
I think it might be wrong to say that I don’t have AN idea of when I started to take the fic super seriously. For me, it was around the time someone commented something along the lines of saying my writing meant a lot to them, that they’d spent all night reading it and had been unable to put it down. 
Not to get too dark here, but I do have a past in writing a very long, somewhat popular fic (it’s still on my fanfic net profile if anyone’s interested, but I don’t recommend it). However, in the latter part of my teenage years, the depression struck. Writing was the love of my life, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore. Maybe I’d be able to muster an idea or even a chapter at the best points of that, but I’d never completely finished any story. Starting to write again was a huge step in my recovery, and one of the reasons I convinced myself that life was worth it was being able to impact someone’s life somehow. Even to this day, I still remember the fics I read when I was, like, thirteen. How much I still remember them, and how much they meant to be at the time. I wanted to be that writer for someone else. To be honest, it was actually Yuri!!! On Ice that got me out of the super bad, but I still never wrote anything of real consequence. TINSITOGS was the first time in a long time I actually committed to something. 
And, to be completely honest, there were a lot of times I was tired of it, and wanted to just quit. But, the thing was, I felt like people depended on me in a way. I got so many comments that were just FILLED with support, telling me how much they looked forward to every update. It wasn’t just empty words, either, a lot of the times these comments would be super engaged with the actual writing. I can’t even describe just how much they meant to me, how much I would look forward to reading everyone’s opinions. And then discord happened, which was a lot of fun. 
TINSITOGS went a lot further than I ever thought it would. There were comments, discussions, fan art, fan FIC (which is honestly incredible to me). Someone even added it to TV Tropes, at one point. Not to mention the Cards Against Humanity deck and quiz It makes me so unbelievably happy that I could inspire that much creativity, but it’s a two way street. It was all of that which inspired me to write, too. 
Writing 
The only real goal I actually had was aiming for around 3000 words per chapter. I had a whole facebook log of plot points as planning, and I was mostly just trying to expand on them into prose. I honestly thought that, at its completion, the entire fic would be around 100k words, if that. Not, at one point, being literally the longest ass class fic on AO3. 
There are a lot of aspects that were directly adapted from the original messages, and I tried to stay faithful to it more so at first, even if I later removed some of the pure crack. But the style was also vaguely similar, with the story being told mostly from Nagisa’s perspective with swaps to Karma when it made sense. All the main plot beats, too, are pretty much identical. The plus to this was I was able to add a lot of really fun foreshadowing, and I feel like it’s a fun reread because of it. 
Honestly though, if there’s a demand to release those OG message logs, I will. Mostly because it’s kind of funny, and interesting to see. Isogai and Nagisa were engaged at one point, even. 
Obviously, it changed somewhat. 3000 was the minimum length, and the time to completion was whenever it felt right. One of my big concerns was about pacing, so it took a lot more fleshing out and maybe ‘filler’ content for some of the main arcs to work. 
There’s parts of TINSITOGS I don’t think aren’t written that well, and some that I’m still super proud of. I think you can definitely tell there’s a gradual shift in style, and I get a lot more comfortable with writing them as characters as it goes along. To be honest, my pride for the fic overall is what it represents. 
It is funny to think about the places it got written in, though. I started it when I worked at McDonalds with no life direction, then it went through my first year of university with me. It’s been written in at least four countries. Aeroplanes, night clubs, long haul buses, a train through the Japanese southern coastline. Even the start of covid. TINSITOGS managed to see a lot. I even turned a scene in (the boat scene during the India chapter with altered names) to my university as a legitimate assignment. 
There were also a few messages I wanted to achieve, once I realised I had the platform to put them across. One of them was, obviously, ‘use protection kids’. It was important to me that I didn’t glamorise it too much, and I think that came across. I also wanted to dispute some of the issues with ABO, and subvert the consent issues as much as I could. An arc I really ‘liked’ writing was how abuse doesn’t always look the same way, and that it can be a drawn out change in behaviour. How the most important part of ‘being a good parent’ isn’t perfection, but genuinely loving and doing the best you can for your kid. How love doesn’t solve everything, and effective communication can take a very long time to learn and build a functional relationship. I mean, there definitely was a lot I tried to put in, and you’re free to interpret it all how you want. But, I like to think some people learnt some of these things, at least. 
Daichi 
Honestly, Daichi developed almost of his own free will. I had a good idea of his appearance, and that he was smart. Writing him from birth until around nine years old (older if you read the sequel fic) pretty much allowed that fluidity. It was really fun to explore a nature vs nurture development, and let his own characteristics speak for themselves. 
He’ll always have a special place in my heart. 
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This is the first image I ever made. When I was trying to figure out what Daichi looked like, I honestly just edited Karma’s hair (pretty well, actually? I’m impressed with my past skill). That’s where the ‘he looks just like Karma’ meme kind of came from. 
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This was the first image I actually created of Daichi. I THINK it was on rinmaru games mega anime creator or something, but it’s literally not available on the internet anymore as far as I can tell, so I can’t double check. This was in the pre-piccrew days. His eyes are closed because they didn’t have the right tone of goldish/silver.  
His sister, Kaguya, didn’t even exist originally, even though I decided on that ending pretty early on. Actually, she was going to be called ‘Irina’ due to some hijinks. Initially, when Karma found out about Irina’s pregnancy, she was going to get super emotional and mad at him and basically force him to name his first born daughter after her. Karma agreed to shut her up, never intending to have another child, so when the surprise second child later came along they had to live with the pain. However, to be honest I just forgot to write in the actual scene that set it all up, and I decided against adding it anywhere else. The name Kaguya was a very last minute decision, and it was a chance for me to explore some ideas that didn’t fit with Daichi’s character. 
Interestingly too, Daichi and Nao were never intended to be a thing. I only decided that towards the VERY end. Even though the reason I named Nao that was because of a ship I had in a J Drama (Good Morning Call). It just kind of ended up happening because I won myself over with imagining the cute. 
The music 
I used to write with a lot of background music, though not all the time. Particularly towards the start, there was a lot that didn’t really make sense thematically, yet I would write to a lot. 
Here’s a link to the spotify playlist if you want it it’s basically all the ones I noted I’d listened to a lot. Not including the smut ones, though, I have a whole playlist for that. 
Some of the notable ones: 
Five String Serenade - the first scene I wrote of the entire fic, in Chapter 25 New Year Time where they fell asleep cuddling. 
Cosmic Love - when I wrote Nagisa’s love confession scene in hospital (I also wrote this pretty early on) 
Northern Downpour (though it was actually a cover by Emma Blackery) - The chapter after Daichi’s born (30) 
When The Party’s Over -  Confession Time Third Period, Chapter 69. I literally listened to this song on REPEAT when I planned and wrote the kind of ‘break up’ scene, and it’s one of the few parts that made me cry writing. 
Turning Page - I know I said no smut, but this song actually gave me the idea to have the “I love you” in chapter 108 be less on a whim and actually more built up. In the original plan, Karma really did just say it without thinking. I’m glad I changed that.  
Bury Me Low and Numb - pretty much all I listened to when writing the last few chapters, because Evil Nagisa core. So much so that Bury Me Low was in my top 2020 songs rewind. 
As for the title, there’s actually quite a funny story. I had no idea what to call the fic, and when that happens I usually just try and find some song lyrics. I really wanted to use something from ‘October’ by the Broken Bells. Not only because it’s my favourite song (has been for years), but thematically it really worked. The issue was, it worked as the WHOLE song, there were no individual lyrics that captured everything. And, if they did, they didn’t flow very well. And naming the fic ‘October’ would have been weird for a lot of reasons. There Is No Sweeter Innocence That Our Gentle Sin really was just plucked randomly, in a desperate search to find any snappy lyrics from any song that had some kind of meaning. After a bit of discussion, we settled that it kind of worked... if Daichi is innocent and they committed a sin or something. It also wasn’t the most obvious lyric from the song (Take Me To Church if anyone doesn’t know) so I just went with it. It works out, I think, because TINSITOGS turned out to be a pretty good acronym and pronounceable word in its own right. 
The merch  redbubble drama 
It’s a well known fact that I’m not very good at art. However, I decided to try pixel art because it seemed the easiest to not mess up. I made Karma and Nagisa, before deciding to also give Daichi a try. 
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This, to this day, is the only good quality art of Daichi that I actually own. The only one I’m actually happy sharing and thinking it doesn’t look terrible. As much as I love people sending me fanart, it’s not ‘my property’, right. 
So, I was kind of joking about TINSITOGS having merchandise. At first I just made two funny quote things, and uploaded it to redbubble. I was never intending to actually make money from this, and I’d agreed to myself that if I did, I would just donate it to charity. I was joking with the quotes, but since I had this artwork I figured I may as well uploaded. Separately, there was also an image that had pixel Daichi next to pixel Nagisa and Karma (which I also created). 
Aside from showing up in a few people’s adverts across the internet, there was no real harm with this. In fact, I didn’t make money anyway. It was just... more the joke of it existing. I did, however, buy myself a Daichi phone case, which is one of my favourite possessions. 
The funny ‘drama’ comes in when they got taken down due to copywrite. Sure, the one with Nagisa and Karma, I understand. But the other three literally had no mention or anything to do with Assassination Classroom, aside from being from a fanfiction. So basically, someone who owns those rights claimed my OC as theirs. Which makes Daichi canon? Whatever the case, I found this hilarious don’t worry. 
How has TINSITOGS changed my life? 
This is quite a strange thing to think about. Because, in a lot of ways, it really hasn’t. As I’m sure a lot of people know, I don’t really consider myself to have any real ‘fame’, despite the impressive numbers. Whenever I tell people in my personal life, they seem to think I’m some sort of internet celebrity, but that’s never been the case for me. I mean, it’s hardly a cultural phenomenon. 
In a lot of ways, I’d much rather befriend someone than have them admire me. Possibly because being someone’s inspiration is kind of weird... I’m just an awkward duck who likes to write after all. I don’t mind it, though. I genuinely find it an honour, even if I don’t necessarily agree. I also want to take this time to say that if anyone ever wants to talk or message me, you’re more than free to do so. I’m usually super casual with people who do that, I promise. 
TINSITOGS was the first story I ever finished in the way I truly wanted to. Start to end, a full narrative. And it took a LOT. There were so many times I almost felt like quitting, or took super long breaks. For me, ADHD queen, actually finishing something was a huge deal. And I know I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t owe it to everyone who read it, and myself, to see it through. You know like, if I were to die tomorrow, at least I’ve left something behind. 
In a lot of ways, it’s changed me for the better. It’s helped me develop my writing styles, and way of thinking. It encouraged me to become more active in the fandom, and develop some important friendships. I always feel like my Tumblr and Fanfiction ‘known’ factor is separate. I think most of my Tumblr following is more to do with my theories/Japanese context research if anything, for example, but I know I wouldn’t be so interested in that if TINSITOGS hadn’t lead me to deeply examine character and really look into analysing source material for clues. I also think there’s just... a lot of myself in it. 
I was 17 years old, when I first came up with the idea. I finished the story when I was 20. Now, at the time of writing, I’m 21. That time has seen some pretty significant changes - just in general life facts and my own personal human development. For me at least, a lot of that was pretty turbulent, and TINSITOGS stands as a time capsule for that, in a way. 
I know I gained a lot of confidence, and it affirmed to me that writing is what I love. Telling stories and sharing them is what I love. 
Conclusion
Do I think TINSITOGS is an outstanding piece of writing, or the best fic ever? No. I really don’t. It’s strange to say because I definitely spent a lot of time on it, but it’s not like I put my full unbridled efforts into the story. I don’t fully plan, use a beta, or even read through on my own. And that’s okay - that’s not what I write fanfiction for. Fanfiction is my place to have fun with characters and stories I like, without the pressures of having to stand on my own complete originality. Yes, I’m fully confident that I can write at a “higher quality”, if I really wanted to. I’m also aware that some authors put their full effort into their fics, and that’s just as valid! 
It feels odd to say this about my own writing, but I honestly think there’s just something in this story. It might not be written in the best prose ever, and the premise might be kind of dumb for a lot of people. But, I think, there’s some part of this fic that managed to grab people. Somehow, at some point, many readers get captured into the emotions and so drawn in that ‘they just have to finish it now!’ Again, I’m not sure myself how I actually achieved that. Of course, that won’t apply to everyone, but I do feel there’s some truth in it. And it makes me happy, to have caused that. 
If TINSITOGS is your favourite fic, or if you genuinely think it’s the best story you’ve read, then thank you. I really appreciate your support, and I’m happy to have been a part of your life, I guess. I know how much fanfics can mean to a person, and that’s why I’m not going to take it down, or edit it at all. And it’s fine too, if you loved the fic for a while and moved on -i t happens. Whatever the case, I’m very honoured to have been able to occupy a moment of your life. Or if you find this fic in 10 years time, even, I still wholly appreciate you. 
This story was incredibly important to me, and thank you for reading if it was ever important to you too. 
You may ask, what now? Well, this is only intended to be a detailed look back for whoever’s interested, and it’s likely the only one I’ll actually do, a year after completion. Of course, if you ever want to ask me anything or just discuss the story, you’re honestly good to contact me in whatever way I have available. 
I’m still writing my ongoing stories, of course, despite taking a small break due to the university work load. I fully intend to complete the stories I’ve already started to tell, at least. After that... I’m not sure if I’ll still write fanfiction. Don’t panic, this isn’t a ‘I’m quitting writing’ thing. I may, however, have bled the Karmagisa genre a bit too dry at that point. Who knows? I am pretty interested in writing something original for once, so maybe that’ll work out. 
For now, at least, thank you to anyone who read this fic. To anyone who commented, liked, or interacted with me over it. To anyone who created or learnt from it. I’m really glad that I got to share this story with you all, and ultimately left some kind of mark, no matter how big or small. 
Happy birthday, TINSITOGS. I had a lot of fun writing you. 
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duskowithapen · 4 years
Text
Day One: Tattoo Artist/Flower Shop AU
Writers Month 2020: Day One
Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug
Pairing: Luka x Marinette
Of Flowers and Tattoo Needles
Miraculous AU where Marinette is the tattoo artist with some very impressive ink and Luka is pining from across the way where he works at his sister’s flower shop. Day One of Writer’s Month 2020 – Tattoo Artist/Flower Shop AU
Read on AO3
Read on Fanfiction
“You’re drooling.”
Luka straightened quickly, wiping a hand over his chin. “No I’m not.” He turned around to see his sister walking in from the back room, a sprig of lavender tucked behind her ear.
“You might as well have been,” she says, walking closer to lean beside him at the counter. “Not that I’d blame you – Marinette’s cute.”
The Marinette in question was the owner of the tattoo parlour across the way. On quiet days like today, she could be seen sitting outside her shop with a sketchbook. Luka swallowed dryly. The sun was shining off her impressive tattoo – a full sleeve that wound around her wrist and up over her shoulder in a tangle of flowers and vines that he couldn’t see clearly.
“Well?” Juleka’s dry voice snaps his attention back.
“Well what?”
She waved a hand towards the door. “Are you going to get a tattoo?”
Luka splutters. “W-What? Why would I – what makes you think –” How’d she known I’d considered it?!
He’s saved by the bell – literally – as Rose walks in. “Jule’s, what are you doing to your poor brother this time?” She asks, joining them at the counter which was suddenly feeling a little cramped.
Pecking her partner on the cheek, Juleka smiles innocently. “Trying to convince him to get a tattoo.”
“Oh, you totally should!” Rose claps her hands. “You have to go to Marinette – between her and Nathaniel, you’ll get the coolest tattoo! Marinette was the one who designed ours!”
“Really?” Luka glance at Juleka’s uncovered wrist. It was ringed by a flower wreath – red and purple roses (passionate love and love at first site), hot pink dahlias (commitment) and bright red gladiolus’ (strength and integrity). Rose had one exactly the same. It was a beautiful representation of their relationship – one Luka was waiting for them to consummate with a marrige. It was also a nod to their shared brainchild.
The Secret Garden might have only been a few years old, but it had blossomed into one of the most successful flower shops in Paris, often completely selling out around any holiday, and with a reputation for incredible flower arrangements, which Luka was proud to say he had a hand in.
Luka smiled. “I wouldn’t mind a tattoo,” he said after a moment, “Maybe something for you and mum – like her raven tattoos.”
Juleka’s smile was small, but no less terrifying for it. “Then go talk to Marinette now. Doesn’t look like she has any clients.” She was still sitting outside her shop.
As Luka was pushed out the door, Rose shoved a small posy of cherry blossoms into his hand. “Give Marinette these – they’re her favourite!”
How does she know her favourite flowers? Luka thought wildly as the door locked behind him. Slowly crossing the narrow avenue, he could feel their gaze burning into the back of his neck, and his hands became sweaty. They were making him nervous. He didn’t normally get nervous. He normally wasn’t going to ask a very cute girl to give him a tattoo.
Marinette looked up as he approached, and he couldn’t help but notice how adorable the freckles dotting her nose and cheeks were. Luka dug his fingers into his leg. You’re here for a tattoo, he reminded himself, not to check out the artist! But he couldn’t stop himself from taking in the blue sheen to her pigtailed hair, the welcoming smile stretched across her face, the impressive artwork which looked even better close up. Spiralling around her arm on pale green stalks and vines were cherry blossoms, pink orchids, blue morning glories, larkspur, hyacinths and bright yellow daffodils. Renewal, fertility and abundance, affection, cheer and goodwill, sincerity, luck and good fortune… he thought absently. After so long working with flowers – and even longer hearing about them from Rose – the symbolism came to mind automatically.
“Uh… hello?”
Luka blinked. Her eyes are really blue. Then he remembered himself and smiled. “Sorry. Are you Marinette?”
Her grin became wider. “Yup! Are you Juleka’s brother?”
“Yeah. She and Rose said that these were your favourite flowers?” He held out the blossoms. “They asked me if I could give them to you.” Well, technically they did. Even if it was meant to be more from me than them.
“Awww, thank you!” Marinette buried her nose in the pale pink petals and breathed deep. “They’re beautiful!”
“You’re welcome,” Luka said numbly. Her smile was almost blinding. “Uh, there was something else.”
Marinette’s head tilt made her pigtails bounce. It should be illegal for someone to look this adorable. “How can I help?”
“I was wondering about getting a tattoo.”
“Oh, of course!” Marinette leapt to her feet. “What else do you come to a tattoo parlour for? I’m so sorry, come in and we can get started right away!” She babbled. “Or should I say, welcome to Charmed Ink! Do you have any ideas for what you want? I’m partial to flowers as you can see, but I’m good at more tribal stuff too, and lettering, but Nathanial’s the best for portraits and a lot of the animal stuff..”
She continued to talk even as Luka took in Charmed Ink. The art on the inside of the tattoo parlour made it look larger than the comparatively small storefront suggested. The back wall was painted with an incredible mural of cherry blossom trees in full bloom, framing a red bridge arching over a river. The side walls were white and in scattered groups were photos of tattoo art – in one clump was a variety of dragon tattoos, in another was various words in all different fonts. The two tattoo stations were set in the back corners, with a small waiting area directly before the entrance. This was where Marinette led him, stopping quickly at a desk partially hidden by a folding screen.
She noticed his awed look at the back mural and smiled, a little calmer now. “That was a collaboration between Alix and Nathanial – he’s my other tattooist. They were all in my class in collége and lycée – same with Juleka and Rose, actually.”
“They did a great job,” Luka murmured. “And I’ve seen your work before – the tattoo you did for my sister was incredible. I was kinda looking for something similar.”
“Were you wanting a tattoo on your wrist too?” Marinette sat on one of the plush couches, and Luka sat across from her.
“No, I was thinking of something on my shoulder – my left shoulder,” He gestured, “Maybe going down my arm a little? I don’t want to go for a full sleeve now, but looking at your tattoo, I’d definitely consider it for the future.”
Marinette’s blush travelled across her cheeks and up her ears. “That – that’s a good plan. I can definitely work with that.” She made a note before looking at him under he lashes. “Were you wanting flowers?”
At Luka’s confused look, she continued, “You said you wanted something similar to your sisters, but you didn’t want it on your wrist…?”
“Ah, that’s right.” Luka tapped at his knee a little, quick staccato beat. “Yeah, I was thinking blue iris, gladilous and maybe daffodils.”
“Is there a meaning behind those flowers, or…?” Marinette made another note.
Luka nodded. “Yeah. Gladiolus’ are mum and Juleka’s birth flowers, not to mention their symbolism – strength and integrity. Blue Iris’ are my birth flower, meaning faith and hope, and daffodils are good luck and good fortune, but I also like the yellow.”
Marinette hummed. “I take it your favourite colour is blue?” She asked, waving her pencil at his blue hoody and matching Jagged Stone t-shirt. With a wince, he realised he was still wearing the Secret Garden apron over his faded jeans. Whoops.
“How did you guess.” Luka deadpanned, and he grinned at Marinette’s chuckle. “But seriously, yeah, I like blue and yellow. And, if we’re going for something like the start of a sleeve… think you could incorporate a snake or something in there?”
“Snakes are transformation and renewal, aren’t they?” Marinette murmured as she wrote. “There was this one symbol I remember, with a snake biting its tail…”
“The ouroboros,” Luka nodded, “It’s an eternity symbol.”
“Hmmmm…” Marinette started sketching in earnest. “So we’re going for something that can be added to later, definitely going for a circling snake – probably around your arm – but should the head be going up or down – put the flowers in colour clusters, or mix them up… maybe have them growing out of the snake? But if the snake is blue… you’ve got the more teal tips to your hair, so I could go for something more on the green side of the spectrum to help tie it in, but the snake should also stand out…”
All Luka could do was watch as Marinette seemed to get lost in a creative haze. Her pencil moved rapidly over the page as she sketched, occasionally going back over a line with her eraser, muttering about her hand not listening to her brain. Once or twice she looked something up on her phone before continuing – at one point, she leapt out of her seat to go and stare at one of the photos on the wall.
This process went on for about twenty minutes, Luka browsing through social media in between watching Marinette with what Juleka would probably class as a ‘disgustingly lovestruck’ look on his face. He couldn’t help it! She was just so vibrant, pouring all this passion into her work. Not to mention the cute little wrinkle between her eyebrows as she seemed to struggle with something at the bottom of the page.
Marinette slammed her sketchbook down with a bang that made him jump. “So! I have a tentative outline – tell me what you like and don’t like, and we can work from there.”
The sketch – and Luka didn’t know how Marinette could class this as an outline given the level of detail – featured all the aspects he wanted. On the front and back sketch of his arm and shoulder was a winding snake, the head sitting just under his collarbone and the rest of its body circling his arm before ending just above his elbow. But it didn’t just circle his arm. It also twisted around the gnarled and knotted stems that supported intricate bursts of flowers. An iris sat directly below the snakes head before more flowers dotted the stem around his shoulder to a larger, more detailed flower on his shoulder blade. Gladiolus’s tangled with the main body of the snake, interspersed with tiny iris’ and leaves, merging with daffodils close to his elbow. Each flower differed in size, though the iris on his back was the largest, probably about the size of his palm if he got the proportions right. Notes on both sides of the sketch were arms with arrows and a frankly scary amount of question marks. Luka looked away when he saw the words ‘dark coffee brown’ and ‘burgundy vs wine’.
“This… this is incredible Marinette.” He looked up at where she was wringing her hands. When she bit her lip, he had to refrain from reaching up and biting it for her. Concentrate Couffaine!
Marinette giggled, the sound high with nerves. “Thanks Luka. It’s a bit rough, and I’d want to go over the colours with you before we start anything, but I’m glad you like it. Anything you’d want to change?”
“Not really,” He hummed. “How would you continue this, if you were going for a full sleeve?”
When Marinette took a seat at his side, leaning into his shoulder a little, Luka stiffened. He hadn’t noticed before, but she’d split the posy of cherry blossom flowers into two and attached them to her pigtails – their scent wafted over him, and he tried not to breathe too deeply. “Well, if I was going to do a full sleeve with the snake, I’d make the snake the body of the tattoo,” she said, pointing at various parts of the sketch, “Probably make the circuits wider and accentuate the gaps a little more with the flowers. The head would have to be a little bigger, to make it proportionate, but otherwise not much would change.”
Luka nodded slowly. “So, say, if you maybe did that – the thing with the head and the – the circuits? And then have the snake ‘end’ in a clump of flowers above my elbow.” It was his turn to point, dragging a finger along the clump of daffodils and trying very hard to ignore the way Marinette pressed just a little closer to see. “Maybe if you added some of the gladiolus and iris here as well, and then if I add more to the tattoo later, you can have the rest of the body kind of emerge from there.”
“That would work really well actually,” Marinette said as she took the sketchbook back. Luka tried not to pout as her warmth moved away. “I can make a wreath just above your elbow – kinda like what I did for Juleka and Rose – and have the snake’s body ‘disappear’ into that. It would be easy work to make it ‘reappear’ beneath it later.”
Marinette scribbled these notes in as she spoke, before turning back to him. “So, about price… for a piece like this – half sleeve, colour and design… you’re looking at about one and a half grand.”
His eyebrows threatened to disappear into his hairline. “That low?” While he hadn’t seriously thought about getting a tattoo before today, he’d spent time with a lot of people who had. A full sleeve tattoo could cost as much as four grand – a half sleeve would be at least two.
“You’re getting the friends and family discount.” Marinette shrugged. “And I’ve been in a bit of a designing rut lately – all people seem to want are dragons or family names. This is a bit of a godsend, actually.”
Luka smirked. “Friends and family discount, huh?”
With her nose in the air, Marinette sassed, “Of course. Juleka’s my friend, and you’re her family.”
Throwing caution to the wind, Luka leaned in a little. “That’s why, huh? I’m hurt Marinette.”
“Hopefully you aren’t so sensitive when it comes time for me to break out the needles, Luka. I don’t want to listen to you crying for the six hours this is going to take.” The smirk she shot him sent a thrill through his chest. She’s got some fire.
“Oh believe me, Marinette.” Luka steadied himself on the couch back behind her shoulders and gave Marinette his best stage-ready, sweet-talking, come-hither bedroom eyes before growling out, “I don’t think six hours with you will be any hardship.”
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Hi! I really admire your writing so much!!! I’m a huge fan and I really love all your work. I was wondering: I’m a new fanfiction writer and I hear a lot of people talking about using beta readers. Do you use betas for your writing or do you edit it all yourself? Do you think that betas are necessary or helpful? (If this is something you don’t feel like talking about, that’s ok!! It’s just something I’ve been wondering about lately and I wasn’t sure who to ask :) ) ❤️
Greetings! o/
First off, thank you so, so much for your kind words. For real, you’re super nice and I hella appreciate you, thank you!!! 
Second, sorry I took ten thousand years to reply |D I am really bad about that. I always reply (unless Tumblr eats the asks, which I have been informed it does when mutuals send me some), I am just slow. But yeah, if Tumblr doesn’t eat an ask, I always reply, so I’m sorry for the delay |D 
And huzzah for new writers! Welcome, welcome! Here’s your complementary pillow to scream into when your characters take over your brain and refuse to do what you want, welcome to the club, we love you already :D 
In terms of betas, I do not have a beta, no. I do the whole writing, editing, formatting thing myself and post it (that’s why I have a bazillion commas everywhere and so many typos ahaha |D). I think it really depends on the kind of writer you are because I have two reasons for not having a beta. 
The first is honestly because of bad personal experiences. I know a few people who do have betas who are amazing and it works super well for them and is really helpful. For me, I’ve had maybe 4 betas total in my hobby writing life, and all four of them were literally just the kinds of people who like, said they were betas but really just wanted a chance to read a fic before everyone else. None of them helped me brainstorm, or helped me work through problems, or even pointed out any typos because they literally weren’t looking for them, they were just trying to get an early start on reading what I was writing. 
That ended up working out in the long run, because as I grew up and wrote more, I realized that I was already super hard on myself in general about fics and my writing and having someone constantly trying to re-direct the flow of my fics wasn’t something I’m into. I talked about how I feel related to Constructive Criticism here, because I think it’s something I was more into in the early days, but now I’m more the kind of person who I recognize is very fickle? Maybe? Like, I have so many ideas bouncing around in my head allatiems that I really have to like, write the fic, edit it, post it and be done with it. If I have to send it to someone for their input, wait for them to get back to me, edit the fic with their recommendations, resend it, rework it, resend it, edit it, format it, post it, I would 10000% never get anything posted anymore. I’ve hit a point where I am where I am, I do this for fun, and it is what it is |D 
But I think the takeaway on that is you need to recognize that I have been writing for literally -counts- at least 20 years now (GOD I FEEL OLD SAYING THAT!). Like, I started writing self-insert bullshit (as we all do, don’t judge me) when I was in middle school and internet was barely a thing and still needed dial-up. So I’ve been writing for a long time, and while everything for me was self-taught, I do honestly think that if I’d had better/real betas at the beginning, I’d probably be a better writer now. 
At the end of the day, it’s really up to you and what you want. If you’re still relatively new and you struggle and get stuck a lot, or want some advice on like, story flow and whatnot, then finding a beta, an honest to God true and good beta is perfect. Good betas (like some of my friends have) will help you so, so much when you’re working to improve how you write. You just have to be open to the fact that they are going to tell you when things need to be improved on (though they should be doing this politely, if they’re being an asshole about it, they’re a troll, not a beta). 
So end of the day: betas are good when they are actually real betas, and not trolls or people just trying to read shit early. If you know some people who offer themselves as betas and have heard good things about them, there is never any harm getting one. 
If you’re an impatient bitch like me who just wants to slap the story on the page and get it over with so you can work on something else, then a beta is not for you |D lol 
Sorry I wrote an essay, it happens sometimes. Hope this helped? Even a little? lol <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
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lillupon · 4 years
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So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.
Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 
I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!
You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 
In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.
I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 
This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.
Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 
Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.
So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.
As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.
I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.
More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.
When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.
If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.
Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  
When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?
The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.
To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.
Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.
Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  
If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 
Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.
It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 
As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.
In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:
Remember we are writing fiction
Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and
Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships
RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 
Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 
Some bonus fun facts!
At the time I am writing this, on AO3:
26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E
26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E
29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E
34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E
40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?
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