#but like.. what if i delete it later
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i envy girls who post themselves a lot like.. i’ll take 100 pics and only like 0.3 of one picture
#diary.txt#maybe i shuld jus wing it#and post more anyways#it is tumblr after all#but like.. what if i delete it later#LOL#<|3
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“America has no culture” is an inherently racist statement. Especially when talking about California, which has enormous populations (yes, plural) of Hispanic and Asian immigrants.
It’s such a self report that you see the American hegemony, the American monolith, as a singularly white entity that’s worthy of scorn. I want that person to look at the Black American NYC Miku design and tell me with their full chest that that isn’t culture. Especially when modern pop culture owes so much to Black American culture — hip hop, language, streetwear and fashion, pop music, jazz — as is actively erasing their roots, saying all of America has no culture is a dumbass statement.
Also, “all the US Mikus are dressed in generic casual street style for coolish weather.” The original Brazilian Miku is wearing sunglasses, a crop top, short shorts, a bikini, and flip flops you absolute dunce. If you’re gonna be rude at least be consistent.
#not even to mention indigenous folks#personal#delete later#obligatory I don’t like the us I’m not a patriot#but saying this is like saying us doesn’t have it’s own food#TELL ME you’ve never had soul food without telling me you’ve never had soul food#‘we’re not talking about poc Americans though white Americans have no culture’ does my Miku design look white to you.#I think that account got dusted overnight but if they’re still here I’m not surprised if they make a#qualifying backtracking ‘what I meant was’ statement#hey maybe next time if you have a point to make don’t come out the gate swinging like an asshole and yell big generalizing claims
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I can’t believe they’d managed to animate kusuriuri’s insane character design and then decided to make it even more insane. The most character ever
#mononoke 2024#mononoke kusuriuri#I love his new (old???) scene kid get up so much#it’s absolutely insane#I know what I drew is inaccurate I tried to piece it to together from screenshots#and sorry for posting thr process pics and then deleting them I realise I finished the painting an hour later#but anyway I seriously feel like I could write an essay about this guy#I wish I knew a lick about Japanese literary tropes#cuz there’s such insane romance to this series and the character of kusuriuri#and I don’t mean like romantic love#I mean like a courtly romance#and UUGGHHHHH A#ITS JUST FASCINATING
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“… you have to go back and keep the child that fell in love with this alive.”
#first of all he's very handsome#and second it was quite some time since i saw his resting face lmao#pinche cara de mamón que tienes mi amor#anyways that line#god i love when people say things like this you know?#deleting this later#yes i say this everytime and what about it#sebastian stan#sebastianstanedit#sebstanedit#fysebastianstan#sstanedit#stansclan#sebastiansource#gbbb#actors roundtable
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╭────༺♡༻────╮
YANDERE!PERV X FEM!READER // PT1
warnings ;; nsfw themes, creepy behaviour, overall yandere themes
╰────༺♡༻────╯
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who didn’t really believe in love at first sight. ‘People were horrible and mean, loves not real at all!’
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who immediately disregards his previous statement the moment he saw you, his ears perking up at the sound of your voice speaking to your fellow classmates.
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who’s enamoured with you the first time you ran into the lecture hall, hair messed up, books all jumbled and bag almost falling off. You looked so perfect and sweet!
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who watches you so intently as you work, he stares at you as if he’s an eagle. Everyone notices him staring at you and thinks he’s a perverted freak, but you don’t pay any mind to it. That must mean you think he’s okay!? that must mean you like him..<3
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who doesn’t even have a conversation with you for months but just practically eye-fucks you. He remembers all your outfits and if you ever rewore them. Your favourite sweater, which he wants to steal so he can do god knows what to it.
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who almost whimpers when you sit next to him, He secretly thanks the person who stole your self assigned seat.
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who’s eyes widen as he realises he’s going to have to speak to you. shit shit shit what should he do?!
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who after 30 long minutes, has the courage to shyly ask for a pen. quickly hiding his stationary; he stutters, pauses, and whispers the 7 words. It’s practically impossible to understand him. “d..do you have…a p..pen that i can borrow..?”
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who almost combusts when you give him a polite grin, saying ‘of course!’ and lending him a pen before focusing back on your work. To you it was a conversation you don’t think twice about, for him? It made his entire month.
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who can’t even focus on his work as he notices the bite marks on top of your pen. your lips and teeth touched the lid…his slender fingers slowly brush the bite marks, hands quivering with delight. Even a streak of blood couldn’t compare to how red he was. He’s keeping this pen no matter what.
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who gasps in relief when you leave forgetting to ask for your pen back, he quickly puts it in his bag and beams happily all the way back to his flat. The happiest he’s been in years!
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who places the stolen pen on his night desk, and kisses the top of it every night like a routine. ‘I’m practically kissing her~!’
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who slowly collects the things you accidentally leave behind. Half drunk water bottle? His. A tissue you used when it was getting a bit cold? In his pocket like it’s his hankerchief. A core of an apple you chucked into the trash can before walking into the class? Treats it like it’s Gods gift
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who built a mini shrine of your belongings at the back of his closet. His harmless little secret, no body, especially you needs to know.
˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ YANDERE!PERV who loves you so so so much! he’d do anything for you! ..even if you guys have only ever spoken once or twice.
“Mmm hey! Can you help me with this question…?”
purerae<3
#what a silly guy#i posted this like a couple of months ago but accidentally deleted it an hour later LOL#purerae#yandere blog#male yandere#yandere headcanons#yandere nerd x reader#yandere nerd#yandere oc#yandere x reader#yandere#yandere oc x reader#male yandere oc#yandere male#yandere x female reader#yandere x y/n#yandere x darling#nerd x reader#yandere hcs#yandere scenarios#male yandere x reader#yandere classmate#yandere classmate x reader
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griddlehark modern pen pal au where they don’t know each other but are assigned as pen pals for those pen pal projects you get in middle school and it just turns into them sending each other hate mail and somehow they just keep going for several years, even though they dont rly have to
#smth about them yearning through letters???? sign me up#this was inspired by me sending a lot of letters at work today#n also inspired by my old pen pal ly (if u r readinf this i miss u sm)#the locked tomb#griddlehark#i kinda wanna write this but i have never written anything rly#maybe one day idk#harrowhark nonagesimus#gideon nav#gideon the ninth#bonus points if stop at some point because Emotions and then one day at a rly low point one of them sends a letter to the other#ans they just start up the whole thing again???#one day harrow would def be like im at this coffee shop at this time meet me if you want#and gideon would drive any distance to meet her or smth#and they r both like?????????? thats what you look like#and then they live happily ever after or smth#i might delete this later#also idk if that pen pal project thing is A Real Thing In Real Life#i think i mightve made it up
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Hate it when people erase Dick and Clark’s relationship. "Dick doesn't have a super" ummm actually he does. It's Clark. "Superman and Batman are the World's Finest" WRONG. World's Finest is Superman and Batman and Robin. Clark and Dick are as close as Clark and Bruce. This has been a PSA
#DC#DCU#DC Comics#Dick Grayson#Bruce Wayne#Clark Kent#Nightwing#Batman#Robin#Superman#Robin I#World's Finest#My meta#Dick: has a superhero name derived from a Kryptonian legend which Clark told him#Clark: literally trusts people instantly because Dick vouches for them#Some people: Clark and Dick only interact with each other through Bruce#Like what do you mean what the fuck do you meeeeean#They are UNCLE and NEPHEW and they are BEST FRIENDS goddammit#Clark loves Dick literally just as much as he loves Bruce#Delete later#Maybe
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i shouldn't have deleted those posts about the dynamic between dr who and clara oswald because someone commented on it saying i was glorifying a "young woman in a one sided relationship with an old man who holds all the power" which is such a funny and poor read of those characters I've been turning it over in my head for the past two weeks. but now i can never respond and potentially get some insight into that persons mind
#delete later#does anyone who follows me actually watch this show and know what I'm talking about#related sometime i want to talk about this book that attempts to critically analyze sexuality in doctor who but feels like an alien wrote i#I dont know if enough of my followers watch the show for how deeply insane it is to land
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I was watching calisthenic tutorials but got distracted and it ended up anatomy practice e_e
And I made it Tech 'cause idk, enjoy
#star wars the bad batch#tbb tech#I should have added scars I guessss#Me watching sport youtuber to find routines ideas#the video : so I start my routine with 10 muscle ups#my brain immediately leaving the chat#“hey did you see how the lower oblique look”#probably delete later#this is too different from what I do usually I don't feel ok#also they're is no backgrounds and no perspective I feel like I glowed down
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On Swansea’s (often understated) role in Mouthwashing
I say this as a big swansea fan but I don’t rlly understand why ppl are acting like he’s not also complicit in what happened to Anya? AUs where “Anya tells Swansea” and he jumps to violently defend her don’t make sense to me because canonically she does tell him, as he admits to Jimmy. But swansea represents another way of interacting with the capitalist heteropatriarchy that ALSO harms victims: holistic jadedness and resignation.
Swansea is across the board unkind to the Tulpar crew. We can’t forget that he calls anya a “so-called nurse”
and says this to Jimmy, which (if unintentionally) reiterates Jimmy’s own warped perception of Anya’s usefulness and competence. This allows Jimmy to feel justified in his imagination of the nurse’s inferiority. Swansea’s clear lack of respect for Jimmy does less to hurt Jimmy than his lack of respect for Anya harms Anya, because at the end of the day, Swansea’s attitude is contextualized by the violent culture it exists in and he does nothing to reconcile with that when Jimmy becomes the captain. His resignation can thus be weaponized even by Jimmy, a man who Swansea disrespects but whose power he doesn’t try to meaningfully jeopardize, because his across-the-board disdain punches people already marginalized by the environment twice as hard as it does those with power.
Swansea doesn’t position himself as an ally, he positions himself as willfully uninvolved in everything, an observer to the shitshow ride to hell. Just because he dislikes Jimmy doesn’t mean he aligns with Anya. He makes it clear that he’s not on her side, either. After a life of doing what he felt was expected of him, Swansea on the Tulpar looks out for Swansea and Swansea’s comfort. In trying to situate himself outside of the politics of it all as an older white man, he simply allows them to play out. The toxic culture keeps existing, playing out in the microcosm that is this freighter, and Swansea in all his experience recognizes that shit has hit the fan and elects to coast through it, even explicitly numbing himself to it by breaking his sobriety. It is, of course, hard to force yourself to be sober—to see clearly. But had Swansea forced himself to get involved sooner, he might have set a precedent for Daisuke to recognize Jimmy’s abuse, which could have saved Daisuke’s life as well as created a safe space for Anya. But Swansea’s inaction forces both victims to confront an abuser on their own, unable to reap benefits from his privilege and experience.
Jimmy is clearly intimidated by swansea in a way he is not by Anya, Daisuke, or a post-crash Curly (Swansea, for example, physically manifests as an aggressor in Jimmy’s “responsibility sequences”, and Jimmy ties Swansea up to avoid what he sees as the real possibility of pushback that he doesn’t conceive of Anya being able to do). Swansea has a power he does not act on or with until it is far, far too late. In fact, he acknowledges in his final monologue that he was dissatisfied with the discomfort with opening his eyes and living an exemplary “good man”s life. The best days of his life are ones in which he’s belligerently drunk—days in which he didn’t have to hold himself accountable. He regrets the life he spent performing for higher-ups and we watch him reject it by scorning Captain Jimmy, but he also doesn’t want to be held responsible for helping other people when it’s their turn to endure the expectations and violence from similar (if not the same) higher powers. Tragically, he possesses the hindsight to recognize that how he acted on the Tulpar consequently wasn’t what Daisuke needed out of a role model, leading to Daisuke becoming a victim. His hands-off approach to emotional engagement with his young male intern (another symptom of patriarchal gender norms) may have been to avoid Daisuke turning out miserable and jaded like himself, but it doesn’t actually indicate to an already-confused Daisuke what the dangers of that attitude are. Swansea never admits his own shortcomings in a tangible way which, had they come from a man with experience and prestige like himself, may have shifted that culture that failed Anya. She comes to him with the story not because he has situated himself as any earnest friend, but likely out of desperation on a ship Jimmy now controls.
When we allow “the machine” (Swansea’s own words) to beat us down to the point that we don’t find it productive to challenge unjust power dynamics, we become complicit. I think too many people get hung up on his disdain for Jimmy and Jimmy’s fear of Swansea as a marker of allyship with Anya, but the truth is that Swansea. Is a bad ally. He’s hardly one at all. His long stint in the demanding capitalist environment molded a perfectly complicit result out of him, as it aspires to do, even if Swansea bitterly recognizes that. Jimmy’s overt violence from a position of power is a different and much more brutal approach to abuse enabled by people who have been left too tired and bitter to care that he does it. A man who could’ve intimidated and even threatened Jimmy is too resigned to try until there is literally nobody but himself left to fight for, which is an attitude carefully cultivated among the lower rungs of hierarchies to keep the top safe. Swansea in particular seems very unhappy with the capitalistic, patriarchal expectations laid out for him as a father, husband, and laborer. This becomes particularly resonant when you realize the symbolism of his role as mechanic: a job that can be deeply unpersonal, tasked with keeping the ship (the machine, if you will) itself going while other roles are more focused on managing the humans inside of it (e.g. nurse, captain). His decision to just stop trying and spare himself the grief instead of questioning why those expectations exist and how they would hurt the others onboard only delays him being directly targeted by Jimmy and doesn’t interrupt the latter’s violence.
Not a single man in mouthwashing is innocent in Anya’s victimhood. This is a statement tentatively uninclusive of Daisuke, because I think the game very deliberately positions him outside of manhood through his youth and thus struggling with the concept of “fitting in” to the patriarchy. Curly, Jimmy, and Swansea all represent different failures that ultimately perpetuate Anya’s suffering and force her to defend herself and finally take her life into her own hands. A holistic analysis of rape culture in MW necessarily engages with all three of them. Only not being a friend and ally to rapists and other male abusers isn’t enough, and Swansea proves it.
#mouthwashing#not sure I worded this as well as I would’ve liked to because I just woke up#but I’m standing by it for now#I think people don’t think enough about what swansea represents in the story and thus water him down#but with such a small cast we have to realize that everyone is deliberately written with meaning#maybe I’ll delete this later if I feel it was misarticulated#again I like swansea this isn’t meant to start some swansea hate train#I’m just glad that ppl are understanding Curly’s role as an enabler and I want that critical thinking to extend#even to characters we are inclined to like on their face because they’re also mean to Jimmy#.txt 🌊#mouthwashing game#swansea mouthwashing#this post is dedicated to my good friend al who is the resident swansea guy in my mind and talked thru this w me#ily my goat
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One of my favorite things about the ASL Brothers is the fact that Ace was the one brought out the sake and proposed becoming brothers.
Not Luffy or Sabo but Ace.
Ace, who believes he is unlovable, Ace who believes that his blood is dirty, Ace who believes that he didn’t deserve to be born, Ace who thinks that his life is worthless, Ace who believes that his mere existence is a crime.
And yet Ace saw these two boys and approached them without apprehension or fear of rejection even though he was proposing something as irrevocable, something as bonding as brotherhood
#not to mention ace had these thoughts bc this is how the WORLD sees him#that world put these thoughts into his head and made him believe that#but sabo and luffy only see him. not gol d. or even portgas d. but just ace.#the way ace knew that they wanted this just as much as he did#like he is theirs and they are his and he knew that#i remember learning that ace proposed it and being *so surprised*#cause we had just seen that ace had no self worth and hated himself#but he knew that they accepted him and that they wanted him in their lives#and he decided to make it permanent#they are his family. they are his safe place. they love him unconditionally.#DO YOU GUYS GET WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY#goddd these brothers make me so ill#it’s 2am so if this doesn’t make sense that’s why#i am thinking so many thoughts#i’ll probably delete this later#portgas d. ace#asl brothers#one piece#concha speaks#asl rambles#concha posts
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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Call me homophobic, but I don't actually think it's great representation to stick a complex, dynamic, newly-realized bisexual character permanently with a flat, boring, underdeveloped love interest just because that was the first guy who showed interest.
#in my hater era#like what you like#but goddamn#the argument that this is somehow outstanding queer representation is baffling#they have had 13 episodes to DO something with this character and they have chosen not to#no development anywhere#even though they literally brought him back so there is built-in background ripe for the picking#and yet#anti bucktommy#anti tommy kinard#the saddest part is#i don't even hate him#he's not important enough to hate#there is just absolutely nothing to him#and that's sad because whether or not he was intended to be long-term or endgame#the writers are better than this and the character SHOULD have SOME development#like why are we all swooning over 911 shoehorning in a returning character to tell a bi buck story#but treating that character like the most expendable love interest in history#i don't like him but actually i think queer characters#and especially ones who are part of such a major later-in-life bisexual realization storyline for a beloved main#deserve a little more respect than what 911 has been giving him#anyway#might delete later i don't know#also i need to stop looking at the 911 subreddit#worst takes i've ever seen that place is a cesspool
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“... I didn't care very much about anything else, you know?”
#doing this instead of sleeping#and for the funsies#and because he looks so good#you gonna catch me always saying the last thing tho#anyways#do i know what they talking about? of course not#deleting this later#most likely#sebastian stan#sebastianstanedit#sebstanedit#fysebastianstan#sstanedit#stansclan#sebstangifs#sebastiansource#gbbb
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Never finishing this but I really like them 👉🏾👈🏾
#roy harper#dick grayson#roydick#dickroy#arsenal#red arrow#nightwing#are they lovers? WORSE#I just love that they can get very ugly but then again they’ll be there 4 each other if they need it no matter what#they’ve been through so much together#and they know each other so well they can help each other in ways no other can#but can also destroy each other like no other can#they make me SICK#i might delete this later#we’ll see#dc#dc comics#fanart#digital art#artists on tumblr#im really struggling to draw again#Im considering opening requests to see if that kicks my ass out of artblock
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an artist i follow got an ask about whether it was alright to use their art as covers for fanfic bookbinding and i'm. sorry i must have missed this discourse but since when are people outright printing out other people's work and binding them into books? do you contact and get author's permission (sure as fuck hope so)? and how do we writers feel about that, because i certainly feel very uncomfortable with that idea. i mean not to spoil the artistic expression of bookbinding because it's beautiful work that i most certainly could not do, but. you can access them stories any time you want on the websites where they were originally posted. why print them? again i mean i get the pleasure of holding & reading physical books, i much prefer that too, but like. get some books i guess? sorry i come from a place of honesty and tbh surprise and confusion about this whole thing. someone tell me how we're feeling about this. someone explain to me why it's being done. i just wanna understand
#wicked little talks#wicked little rambles#tbh rambling like crazy i been thinking about this for like 12h now#& i bet i sound like an asshole but it's not my intention#i respect the work but why use other people's work is what i don't understand#hopefully they have permission but i'm terrified by the idea of being contacted by someone who found something of mine#on someone else's shelf while i'm sitting at home in my pajamas painfully unaware#anyway might delete later
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