#but like. kinda made me stop and think about myself for a second lol. anyway

[youredyingthatsallthereis]

kinktober day 3: vanilla

roachghost for vanilla because vanilla is a sweet flavor and i love it on them <3

also this was very much inspired by @lokibus-writes because her roachghost is simply to die for!!!!!!!!

read on AO3

nonsenseafterdarks prompt list!

additional tags: missionary, anal, lots of kissing, mute roach

word count: 966

the cabin they were staying at was cozy and small, just one large living area and a bedroom with an en suite. roach had picked the location for their first leave together, knowing that even though he wouldn't ask for it, ghost would appreciate something tucked away and romantic.

sure enough, as soon as they got there, ghost had been obviously taken with the place, despite not saying very much beyond "this is nice." but roach knew he was excited when he immediately started to go unpack, putting their clothes into the small dresser and their toiletries in the bathroom while roach started making dinner.

that had been a few hours ago, and now they were in bed, shirtless, ghost on his back under roach, kissing sweet and a bit giddy at finally being alone together in a non-military setting.

roach kissed over ghosts cheek to his neck, smiling at the giggles it pulled out of him.

"tickles, bug," ghost laughed, but roach just matched the giggling and pressed a firmer kiss against his throat.

"you wanna help me get my trousers off?" ghost asked, running his palms over roach's bare chest.

roach sat back onto ghost's thighs. always, beautiful, he signed, before dropping his hands to undo the button and zipper on ghosts jeans. ghost blushed and watched for a moment while roach shuffled around as he worked ghosts jeans down, leaving just his boxer briefs that were tented up at the front with his erection.

he quickly took his own trousers off before he was back on ghost, kissing him and letting their dicks frot against each other through their underwear. he breathed in the soft moan ghost let out; he always loved the little sounds his boyfriend let out when they made love like this, all sweet soft pleasure.

they stayed like that for a bit, just kissing and rubbing against each other, chest to chest, hands gently exploring each other with the almost timid gentleness of a first time, despite this being far from their first.

after a bit, ghost ran his hands down roach's sides and slipped his fingertips into the waistband of roach's underpants. "off?" he asked quietly.

roach nodded, working them off before gently tugging on ghosts.

"please," ghost said, lifting his hips up slightly to help roach get them off easier.

once they were off, ghost parted his legs a bit while roach grabbed the lube off the side table. he held up his arms to invite roach back in, eager to feel the warmth and weight of his lover again.

roach obliged happily, quickly getting a slick finger over ghosts entrance, grinning at the happy hum ghost let out at the sensation.

you like that? he asked.

"i like you," ghost said, "you know i love anything as long as its with you."

roach kissed him again and pushed the tip of his finger in, slowly working his way in while ghost rocked his hips back to get him in deeper.

they took their time until roach had three fingers in him and ghost was panting hard against him, clipped moans coming out with every thrust of roach's hand.

roach paused for a second, looking at him questioningly.

"i'm ready," ghost breathed, "go ahead."

roach pulled his fingers out and got more lube to slick his cock up, quickly working to line himself up. he looked back up at ghost, who nodded hard.

leaning forward, roach pushed his tip in, sighing over ghost's lips as he worked his way inside.

ghost let his head fall back into the bed, closing his eyes to soak in the way it felt: the satisfying fullness, the softness of their bodies against each other, the gentle feel of every shared breath.

he shivered at the smooth slide of roach's cock when he pulled back until just his tip was inside, parting his legs wider when roach thrust back in.

"so good," he breathed, "fuck; you always feel so good."

roach bit his lip as he started setting a rhythm, tapping ghost in the middle of the chest: you.

ghost pulled him closer into another kiss, deep and passionate, only breaking it with a shaky moan when roach reached down to wrap a hand around his cock to work him in time with his thrusting.

"just like that, fuck," ghost almost whispered, panting against roach's lips as he began moving faster, "don't stop, fuck don't stop - "

roach thrust in hard and kept it there, grinding up to find ghost's prostate until he was squeezing around his cock and crying out underneath him, legs tight around roach's waist until he was spilling over his hand and onto his own stomach, gasping deep breaths of air while roach carefully stroked him through it.

he kissed down ghost's neck and started moving again, wishing he could make it last forever...but seeing and feeling ghost get off always left him close, feeling him tense and relax and release -

"come on , bug, please, please i want it so badly, fuck i wanna feel you all the way inside me, god i love you - "

roach let out a harsh whine into the side of ghost's neck and his hips almost slammed into ghosts, pulsing hard and deep inside him. he felt ghosts chest rising and falling with heavy, satisfied sighs at the feeling of being so deeply entwined with each other.

they stayed like that for a time, just breathing each other in, allowing themselves the slow, gentle closeness and intimacy that military life so frequently denied them.

"love you," ghost quietly murmured into roach's ear, wanting to say it but not wanting to disturb the peaceful quiet of the room.

roach smiled and kissed him, pulling back a bit to free his hands. love you, simon.

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 1 - the gc birth

in which two online friends navigate a romance through a minecraft groupchat with their stupid friends

or, newt, the quiet, stoic boy, and y/n, the bubbly girl both curse the world for keeping them apart, but at least they can send each other cute emojis and hope the other doesn't notice their blossoming feelings.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

notes: hi :p im very new to writing on tumblr (but ive always been a reader) so pls bare w me! and im trying to revert back to being 14 (im 23 lols..) so im revisiting my old favs including the maze runner/thomas (bc i binged the artful dodger and now im obsessed again). there will be non-text chapters in the future as well, when everyone eventually meets. this will be newt focused so enjoy !! also everyone is like a realistic age from 23 to 28

__

THE GLADE

[ 7:45 PM ]

alby added minho, y/n, newt, tommy, and gally

alby: Hello, guys.

minho: wtf is this

newt: uhhhh

tommy: hi :3

y/n: so this is why you asked me for my # in private

gally: i didn’t consent to this when i gave you my number

newt: don’t give strange men your number y/n

tommy: oh that’s y/n?

alby: Wait, Newt you had Y/N’s number already??

newt: yea

tommy: o.O

y/n: i gave it to him like two weeks after we met lmao

tommy: SO HE HAD YOUR NUMBER FOR A YEAR AND I DIDNT????

y/n: well he asked and you guys didn’t :p

newt: lmao

minho: ik he smug as fuck rn

not u asking for a girls number lmao simp

newt: stop

y/n: we all talk in discord anyways so i didn’t really think about it

plus you guys are friends irl so idk

it felt kinda weird to insert myself heh

minho: we’ve known you for a year and a half y/n

we play games all the time

call all the time

we even send packages and shit

you’re very much considered our irl friend

y/n: REALLY?? 🥺🥺

tommy: internet friends are real friends 😍❤️

minho: the heart eyes are crazy

but yes dude

newt: of course you’re our close friend. just cuz we live near each other and you’re a bit far away doesn’t mean we don’t adore you

minho: ADORE IS CRAZY LMFAO

but real ig

y/n: AWWWWW YOU GUYS LOVEEE MEEEEEE

hahahahha

HAHAHHAHJFIEKMGOR

I LVOE YOU GIYYYYSSSS IM PUTTING ALL OUR MINECRAFT BEDS TOGETHER LATER

gally: i do not want my bed to be infested by you guys

minho: gally sleeps in the corner

gally: no i dont i sleep in my mansion

y/n: cherry blossom mansion*

gally: and you sleep in a shed

y/n: cherry blossom shed* its pink and that matters.

tommy: love you y/n 😊🥰

y/n: love you tommy <3333

minho: that’s actually nasty stop now

y/n: u mad ur unloved

i love how the gc name is our minecraft town name :((

newt: aw it is

minho: can we talk about why tf this was made when we have a perfectly good discord

alby: I’m done with Discord.

newt: you got your shit hacked didn’t you mate

minho: mate 💀💀

british people so crazy

alby: Yes maybe..

I don’t want to make another.

y/n: or your old ass doesn’t know how to

minho: LMAO REAL

alby: Gonna ignore that. But I am getting too old for it. I have a new promotion at work so that means I won’t have time to play with you guys as much anymore. So I decided to make this groupchat in hopes to talk to you guys more to make up for it :)

minho: every group always has the old head with the job 💀💀

newt: minho admitting he’s jobless

minho: you work at a library be so fr rn

newt: i have an income. you have a room in your grandmas basement. we are not the same.

gally: LMFAOOOOOOO

minho: stfu :////

y/n: AWWWWWWW ALBYYYYYYY

tommy: YAAAY!!!!

im going to text you guys all day

tell you every meal

every thought

every interaction will be meaningful and glorious

newt: you are 24 years old you don’t have to do all that

minho: no fr im turning off my phone if he starts this shit

why not just do it before in the discord ??

tommy: easy access now and i tried before but stopped since no one really replied..

y/n: i say we all do it :D i will too tommy

newt: ok second thought that’s fine

minho: .

gally: that’s wild.

y/n: YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! NEWT YOU GO FIRST

newt: first with what

y/n: say what u ate today

newt: didn’t say i’d do it.

tommy: i ate muffin, monster energy drink, and hamburger :3333

you guys next

minho: that’s all you had bro..

y/n: hot cheetos and french fries and coffee :D

minho: ??????? BRO

how are you guys alive

y/n: it's my day off and no class so i just wanna rot in bed and that means no cooking

newt: please eat and drink water.

like for real and document it

y/n: ok wait

there

tommy: yum!

minho: y/n..

newt: cereal does not count

y/n: I DONT HAVE ENERGY TO MAKE ANYTHING OKAY

im a 23 year old broke college student my fridge is bare

newt: alright what do you want?

y/n: wym?

newt: like if you could pick.

minho: that’s so cruel 😭😭 just making her imagine it

i like it go on.

tommy: i want chick fil a

minho: i knew you hate the gays

tommy: I AM THE GAYS?????

y/n: ugh that does sound good

mmmm chickem sandiwh waffle fry I Want that Os mYch

newt: that’s what you would order?

y/n: mmmcm yeahshhhhh

newt: ok

minho: that’s it?

i thought soemthing would happen

tommy: me too

like a spell! magic 🪄

y/n: sigh

my cereal tastes bad now

newt: well it is cocoa puffs.

minho: L cereal

y/n: DTOP SAYING L ITS SO ANNOYITIGJNGGGGG

minho: she so madddd 😂😂 L

newt: you're annoying minho

minho: youre just saying that bc shes saying that

newt: no ive always said it. and i will continue to. youre fucking annoying

minho: who bought you your coffee yesterday

newt: ???

myself

and i paid for yours too

im the one with an income

minho: .

well i didnt think youd remember that well.

newt: it was literally yesterday.

minho: yeah but ur old

newt: IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU

minho: yeah but im 🤗✨ 26 ✨🤗and youre... 26😬😔

tommy: guys stop fighting

newt: we aren't fighting

maybe this gc was a bad idea

tommy: NO!!!!!!!!!

y/n: NOOOO!

tommy: this is like y/n is here w us irl

y/n: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

minho: no it's not. we would smell a foul stench if she was

y/n: i ahte you sooo bad.

wait there is a knock at my door im scared

newt: answer it

minho: aren't you supposed to say don't open the door for strangers ????

newt: well usually yes

y/n: no im not expecting company

newt: just do it pls

y/n: ok :D

minho: bruh..

i hope she gets robbed and u feel bad forever newt

newt: why would you want that

minho: bc she owes me money

newt: YOU owe ME money

minho: yes but i have a good reason she just wanted robux

tommy: Y/N DONT DO IT!!! I HAVE SEEN DATELINE

y/n: :o....

tommy: Y/N?????????

OH GOD THEY GOT HER

minho: why would she text a silly face if she got got

tommy: clearly its a surprised face

maybe its not her

its like those cut out magazine letters murderers use

y/n: who got me chick fil a!!!!!!!!!!

minho: me

newt: you literally did not

minho: shut up

y/n: newt it was u i see ur name on the receipt

newt: well

y/n: :(

newt: what why are you sad?

minho: im hungry too

y/n: u spent ur money :(

newt: you're hungry are you not?

minho: she's not but i am

y/n: yeah but..

i feel bad you shouldn't have

newt: just eat it or i'll be mad

minho: i think i want red lobster

newt: it's really no big deal y/n

y/n: thank you newt :(((((

newt: you're welcome

go eat and watch ur show or smth

minho: i owuld love to eat and watch a show rn <33 ohhhh im starving

newt: can you shut up

gally: im muting this gc if this means i have to deal with your guys' shit more than usual now.

minho: thank god

newt: good

tommy: good

y/n: good

the food is good too <3

newt: good.

_

lmk if you want to be tagged!

[iheartcake123]

hii hello!! I'm your new follower. I really like and enjoy your stories, especially with sweet home's fanfiction!! Eumm- if you don't mind, can you make another story about Kim Yeonghu x reader and others soldier x reader please?? I'm desperately want it, but it's kinda difficult to find more stories about them :(

anyway, have a good day and thank you <3

hello!! im so glad you enjoy my fics :) im so sorry this has taken so long😭 but i am working on more fics currently and will have some more up soon!! (hopefully lol) in the mean time here’s a jin-ho fic since i’ve never done one for him <33 let me know if you’d like a part two bc this was so fun to write hehe

Masterlist

bang jin-ho X f!reader for @kuebandungs

you had met jin-ho through your work with the platoon. you were very skilful in technology before everything happened and when the platoon needed help, you were first to give a hand.

you worked along side jin-ho and discovered he was quiet, he kept to himself mostly and only really spoke with those he was close to. which wasn’t many.

there’d be times where he had no choice but to converse with you. after all, you would help the platoon members whenever they asked.

this time was like no other.

“did you try disconnecting and reconnecting it?” you asked jin-ho and he sighed in response

“that was the first thing i did” he told you and you nodded.

“well it looks like we have to take it apart” you pulled a seat up and was about to sit next to him.

“don’t worry, i can do it myself” he stopped you before you sat down.

“right..” you awkwardly cleared your throat and moved the chair back the original position “well if you do need a hand, give me a shout”

you then slowly walked away, to head back to your room. as you made your way back sergeant tak was in the hallway and he joined you.

“y/n, how are things going? i heard you’re helping the platoon more often” he said accompanying you.

“yes sir, it’s mainly just with little things here and there though” you answered with a smile.

“how would you feel if i got someone to start training you, that way- you can join the platoon and help with excursions? you’d basically be a second to jin-ho”

“oh um i appreciate the offer sir but i like where i am at the moment. i don’t mind helping the platoon here and there but just the thought of helping with excursions is a bit daunting”

“i can’t say im not a little disappointed y/n but i understand, just think about it and if you do change your mind. i’ll be more than happy to sort something for you”

you sent sergeant tak a small smile with a nod before rushing back to your room.

you couldn’t possibly help the crow platoon.

right?

before you knew it, you were in front of sergeant tak again. this time, you were agreeing to his offer.

you didn’t know why you changed your mind. but you did.

“im glad you’re joining us y/n. bang jin-ho! come in!” sergeant tak had yelled that last part and in came jin-ho who saluted the sergeant before standing straight.

“from now on, you’ll follow jin-ho’ lead. he will train you and will get you prepared for what’s ahead. once he’s happy that you can protect yourself, then you’ll start by going on excursions. is that okay?” sergeant tak told you and you nodded.

“yes sir” you voice was quieter than expected.

“good. you may both leave now”

with a nod you followed jin-ho out the room.

“uh so what do we do first?” you smiled at jin-ho and he let out a sigh.

“look y/n, i don’t know what made you want to join the platoon. i didn’t think you would but here we are. so, we will train whenever we get a free chance. follow me” jin-ho got straight to the point and you followed him.

he took you outside, it was chilly and the dark grey clouds made everything feel especially gloomy.

“you need to run from here to the fence and back 100 times” he pointed to the fence in the distance.

you let out a laugh. he surely had to be joking, right? however, when he didn’t say anything further, it suddenly set in. he wasn’t joking.

“seriously?” you questioned and he just nodded.

with a gulp you started to run. as you did each lap, you felt your legs burn as you mentally pushed yourself to continue. no matter how much your body told you to stop, you were determined to complete the 100 laps. the trick was making sure your pace was consistent and you blocked out any distractions.

by the time you had completed it, the sun was beginning to set and you felt like throwing up. you hadn’t stopped for a water break and you wanted to just collapse. a part of you was also pissed off.

why did jin-ho throw you in the deep end by making you do 100 laps? was he trying to test you? see if you’d quit and change your mind about the whole joining the platoon? well if he was, you weren’t going to give in and give up so soon.

“happy?” you voice was harsh as you tried to catch your breath while making your way back into the stadium.

jin-ho stared at you as you walked away. you desperately wanted to just fall onto the floor and curl into a ball but you weren’t going to do that in front of him. instead, you dragged yourself through the halls back to your room where you immediately collapsed onto your bed and chugged down a bunch of water.

“asshole” you cursed throwing your bottle across your room.

not shortly after, there was a soft knock at your door and you huffed before opening it.

“what do you want?” you immediately questioned after seeing jin-ho stood there.

he had his hands on his hips before he reached his hand out.

you wearily shook his hand.

“welcome to the platoon” he nodded his head and you raised your eyebrow “i’ll be honest i didn’t think you’d finish those laps but you proved me wrong. the real training starts tomorrow”

jin-ho then let go of your hand before promptly leaving.

you couldn’t understand him.

________________________________________________________

over the next few weeks you trained with jin-ho on various things like fighting, self defense, stealth and how to use a gun. this was all so that you could start going on expeditions with the platoon when they went.

it would’ve been a lie if you said it was easy. most days would end with you laying in bed with all your limbs aching but it was slowly getting easier. you had started to see a change in your self. the way you carried yourself was a lot more confident and platoon members started to respect you more. in fact, you’d become close with some of them. more specifically seok-chan.

he was just a really kind person and he helped you a lot. and while jin-ho wasn’t horrible, he was surprisingly very strict and you’d only converse with him when he was giving you orders. there was a tension between the two of you and you couldn’t quite understand it.

the day started like no other, you woke up early, got changed and headed to the training area. you started with a warm up and soon decided to do some boxing. there was a punching bag in the corner of the room so you wrapped your fists up before jabbing the bag.

one. two. one. two.

you had a rhythm going.

“balance your weight. you’re all over the place” the sudden sound of jin-ho’ voice shocked you and you rolled your eyes before doing what he told you.

jin-ho folded his arms as he leaned on the door, watching you train.

you felt yourself begin to heat up. you hated when he watched you because he always managed to find flaws in whatever you were doing.

you really did try your best to continue but you just couldn’t. you brought your hands to your side and rested one on your hip as you turned to jin-ho.

“i don’t understand what the problem is? i just want to train in peace without the pressure of you watching. you look at me as if everything i do is wrong. so please show me if you think you can do better!” you snapped at him.

jin-ho smirked slightly as he stood straight.

“okay, i won’t watch you” he answered and you breathed a sigh of relief.

“thank you-“ you began but he cut you off.

“i’ll fight you” he started to wrap him hands

your jaw dropped.

“what?” you gulped.

“let’s spar, seok-chan says you’ve improved and since you don’t want me watching. maybe fighting and sparring with you will be better. and there’s no rules with this, punching and kicking are allowed”

he finally finished wrapping his hands.

you couldn’t back down so you both got into position. you held your hands up in front of you to defend yourself and at the ready to punch.

a couple of minutes into it and you found yourself with a bloodied lip. you could taste the blood in your mouth but you refused to let him win. with one swift movement you made contact with his chin and he stumbled backwards slightly. after he regained his balance he lifted his leg and you felt it hit your stomach which caused you to fall on your back.

you winced in pain as you glared at jin-ho. you attempted to get up but he then managed to get you into a head lock. his arms tightened around you and although you tried breaking free, you couldn’t. plus it was getting hard to breath so, a few seconds later and you found yourself tapping out.

jin-ho immediately let go and you let out a harsh cough as you caught your breath. you remained on the floor with your hand on your neck slowly going back to normal as jin-ho stood above you.

when you looked up, he had his hand out to help you up but you ignored him.

you didn’t need his help to get up. jin-ho let out a chuckle as he watched you get up. you avoided his gaze as you turned your back on him, you brought your fingers up to your busted lip and winced in pain as you saw your finger covered in blood now too.

“your lips bleeding pretty bad, let me have a look” jin-ho’ eyebrows furrowed in concern and he reached an arm out to your shoulder.

“leave me alone” you instantly brushed him off and harshly moved away from him “i don’t need or want your help”

after saying those words you left the training room, ignoring jin-ho calling out to stop you.

you were now sat in front of seok-chan in the infirmary, he was cleaning your lip and trying to make you feel better.

“he only pushes you so hard because he wants what’s best for you. im sure he can see the effort you’re putting in and appreciates it” seok-chan said as his eyes remained focused on your lip.

“yeah, well it sure doesn’t feel like it. it seems quite the opposite- he hates me and i don’t know why” your voice came out in a croak as you held back tears.

why didn’t jin-ho like you? and why was he always so hard on you?

“trust me y/n, i wouldn’t lie to you” seok-chan finished up with your lip and you hopped of the table.

“i know…thank you for tending to my lip. i better get back to training or something” you blinked back tears and left to go back to your room.

meanwhile, seok-chan had gone to find jin-ho.

“jin-ho!” he called out to him and he hummed in response “you really bust y/n’ lip up pretty good. do you think maybe next time go a bit easy on her? she’s been finding it a bit tough”

“what do you mean? she did well. considering when we began she couldn’t even throw a punch” jin-ho answered.

“come on dude, she was almost in tears when i saw her. you’ve been so tough on her and she thinks you hate her. i’m not trying to tell you how to do your job but just take it a bit easier on her”

“does she really think that i hate her? i know i’ve been tough on her but i don’t hate her. seok-chan do you know where she is?”

“i don’t know, i think she’s gone back to her room or the training area”

jin-ho felt really bad. did you really think he hated you? he searched the training areas firstly but after seeing you weren’t there, he headed over to your room.

he hands banged on your door urgently and when you opened the door your eyes went wide with shock.

why was jin-ho here? and why was he knocking like a mad man?

he didn’t say anything and entered your room, closing the door behind him.

“jin-ho. why are you-“ you tried to ask him but he’d stopppef you mid sentence.

“do you think i hate you?” he blurted out and you were stunned. he was never so impulsive or erratic, usually he was very serious, calm and collected when he spoke.

this was different.

“who told you that?”

“y/n is it true? you think i hate you?”

you meekly nodded looking at the floor.

“why do you think that?” he stared at you so intently and your heart beat quickened as you briefly looked up and locked eyes with him.

“you’re just always so strict and you never say anything nice. i know im crap at this whole platoon stuff but im still learning and i think you forget that” you said honestly.

“i can assure you that i do not hate you, not even close. y/n you’re doing so well with training and i push you because i know you’re capable”

“but- you’re always so cold towards me and you barely talk to me..”

his eyes softened as he saw how upset you were and it was your first time seeing him like this. he actually had emotions.

“i promise you, i do not hate you. tell me how can i prove it to you” suddenly he brought his one hand up to cup your face.

you were in awe.

this was a whole new jin-ho.

“tell me y/n” his voice was soft and you admired jin-ho’ warm touch.

he waited for you answer.

“tell me”

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul. 

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan. 

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was. 

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that. 

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er. 

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do. 

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever. 

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im. 

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one. 

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But… 

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest. 

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia. 

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹 

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle. 

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it. 

“I like you, Dar.” 

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time. 

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.” 

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.” 

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time. 

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night. 

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did. 

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me. 

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this. 

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?” 

“Fine.” 

“Just fine?” She smiles. 

“Good.” I clarify. 

“Good.” 

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.” 

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once. 

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.” 

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?” 

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what?  she just laughs.  

Shit. 

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’. 

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it.  She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived. 

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated.  And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three. 

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that. 

How didn’t I see it? 

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things. 

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit. 

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse. 

‘Til the walkers hear me. 

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else. 

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia. 

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it. 

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more. 

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it. 

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all. 

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.” 

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me. 

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.” 

“Stop callin’ me tha’.” 

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.” 

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.” 

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh. 

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t. 

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.” 

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?” 

She did come back. 

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question. 

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it. 

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know. 

“Think it was more the other thing you said.” 

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper. 

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.” 

What? “Why not?” 

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.” 

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again. 

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it. 

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 2 thoughts

ah, this episode! i have heard it is very scary. so i’m curious to see how creepy it can be. usually what gets me the most is body horror, at least so far. 

i’m really not a horror fan so i’m interested to see if this will push my limits or just be kinda silly. remember that evil AI in like s1 episode 8? and when it was unplugged it said “noooo, brad :(“ or something like that? yeah that one just made me giggle lol

(author's note after seeing the episode: what...)

(additional author's note: read to the end to see why i think this episode might be actually about the civil war's long-term consequences)

how far we have progressed since then! 

let us begin!!!

we open with a storm and some scary music. pretty intense for the first few seconds. oh, now someone is giving birth. it is very dark and hard to see but it appears these individuals do not look like your average fellow off the street.

GAG! slurping noises are produced as the baby emerges. birth counts as body horror btw i do NOT make the rules. EUGH the umbilical cord…

(sorry y’all pls take no offense to those who have or desire children someday... it’s just something that makes me feel dizzy to watch but i support your dreams and choices i promise 🙏)

okay, but the baby is crying so that’s usually a good sign right? like better than a quiet baby, i think.

but a bunch of people are leaving after the delivery and i thought they would stick around to do things like look at the baby and see if it is healthy and stuff. but no. they’re leaving. where are they going...

they’re digging a hole?????? WHAT DA HELL. BABY IN THE HOLE??!!!!!! while someone cries terribly. OMG the grief…

WHAT THE HELL???

what have i gotten myself into……

intro time. always gonna think about that tweet regarding scully’s glamour shot on her ID. anyway just in case you forgot the truth IS out there.

so we see some kids in a place called home, pennsylvania, and they’re playing baseball. you know how children are, with their baseball. it’s as serious to them as a senator running a reelection campaign. 

kid knocks the ball over the fence, and onto the property of “the peacocks”. the kids will NOT go get the ball, and instead find a spare. seems they prepared for this, or could maybe find a place that isn’t next to a very scary house to play ball, but i understand spacial constraints.

OH???? the kid is digging his foot in to go swing and…. BLOODY PUDDLE???? THIS MUST BE THE BABY FROM BEFORE????

he backs away as we see a tiny hand in the dirt. that poor kid omfg he must have been traumatized… and his sneakers were so bright and white…..

cutscene to mulder in the field after all the kids have fled! ah, mulder loves his baseball. in fact, he even sniffs it. he’s practicing his pitching LMAOOOO please be serious for FIVE minutes. 

scully is measuring the hole while he does all this. in fact, he is not stopping. it just keeps going while she talks about the angle of the shovel.

she makes some quip about quitting the FBI and becoming a spokesperson for the ab roller, when he SHOVES THE BALL UNDER HER NOSE and says “smell that” THIS MAN IS SUUUUUCH A WEIRDO I LOVE HIM

“it’s perfume. eau de ball” (stupid little mulder smile)

very strong juxtaposition between baby death and a daydreaming mulder, but that is the sort of thing we have come to expect from this show. he seems enchanted.

WAIT! he’s talking about his sister… “all-day pickup games out on the Vineyard” and going down to the beach… no cell phones or faxes… oh man, this baseball has him talking about his family :(

“mulder, if you had to do without a cell phone for two minutes, you’d lapse into catatonic schizophrenia” <- WELL GET HIM! it is true. he is always making calls and then abruptly hanging up.

feels weird to be smiling like a fool at my screen as these two talk about their lives after seeing the opening scene... but here we are!

“scully, you don’t know me as well as you think you do. you know my work demands that i live in a big city, but if i had to settle down, build a home, it’d be a place like this” 

OHHHHH MY GOSH

1. he has though about settling down and having a life outside of his work, and this is such a character reveal, and i know he wants like a small army of children, and

2. i just KNOW those words are gonna come back and bite him when this place is revealed to be some sort of cult

she says it would be like living in mayberry which i had to google BUT: it is the town from the andy griffith show. ah, i see. so very quaint.

someone pulls up to see them and i paused at just the right time to see that mulder’s shirt is very baggy and living up to my URL, which is good because sometimes i worry it’s a bit TOO niche, but i made it after watching 4 episodes so i’m too attached to change it now. meanwhile, scully’s coat is wonderfully sleek and it’s a fun little contrast.

this is sheriff taylor, who says this is a very small town, and there are no real suspects. mulder asks about the peacocks next door, and the sheriff goes… quiet. apparently three boys lived there, and their parents were hurt in an accident. the sheriff and his team tried to administer care to the parents, but the boys took the bodies home??? that’s. odd.

so these peacocks have no electricity, grow their own food, and… are inbred. the sheriff says they are feeble and sad, and wouldn’t have any idea what they are talking about. which just makes me think they are the prime suspects.

the sheriff is saying that he loves his town, it is quiet and peaceful, and he knew someday it would change when something terrible happened. when he saw “it” in the ground, he knew that day had come. he seems convinced it’s an outsider but also he is purposefully ignoring all the evidence in the other direction. and he wants their help, but he doesn’t want anything to change. 

(i see... this is about the terrible secrets of small towns and the wish to keep everything quiet and preserve an idyllic image rather than make meaningful change)

apparently they were recommended to help out when “the victim” was described, so mulder says that maybe they should go take a look.

and whew, when they cut to a bundle of blankets next to some cans of spam (that look like they’re partially covered to hide the branding?) it’s a lot. it's a lot to handle, for me, emotionally, but i guess that's a fairly normal reaction. the sheriff just pulled the baby right out of the fridge. we also meet a deputy named barney.

they shove poor scully in a tiny bathroom with just a sink in it to do her work, because they don’t want anyone else seeing the autopsy go down. the sheriff says they can’t do it in his office, because everyone knows he never locks his office door, and they’d start rumors. this whole small town thing is starting to seem quite oppressive.

mulder is also here in this tiny closet-like bathroom, and i can feel the claustrophobia from here. despite the lack of space, scully begins.

and she is taken aback, but not as much by the fact that it is a child but that said child “has been afflicted by every rare birth defect known to science”. mulder has his arm on the wall leaning in and watching in a way that is weird for the space.

we only see a few shots of the baby- thankfully, because i don't think i could handle seeing any more of it than we do- but it’s enough to make me go whew, shout-out to the props department for making something that looks like that, because that is how i cope with seeing things on this show that make me nearly faint

she is reciting the various things that this child has been born with, and mulder says that they can probably rule out murder, right? but scully says idk… it looks like it WAS murder, actually. dirt in the nose.

lord, they walk out after doing that and somehow don’t need to like, down some vodka or something to cope. 

“imagine all a woman’s hopes and dreams for her child, and then nature turns so cruel. what must a mother go through?” oh my gosh is scully gonna make me cry…

“apparent not much in this case, if she just threw it out in the trash”, says mulder, while they sit on a bench on he is manspreading like you would not believe. but i assume they are in a tough spot mentally so manspreading is permitted in this situation.

“i guess i was just projecting on myself”, she says, and oh my gosh does scully want kids someday…. stop i’ll cry!! i’ll cry. 

“well, just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic makeup and a really high tolerance for being second-guessed and start pumping out the little uber-Scullys” he says, rubbing her back.

and i can’t decide if this is funnier if he’s truly and deeply down terrible for her and suggesting subtly that HE could be that man, or if he’s just being a really good pal. so i’m gonna turn around both options in my head for a while and see which sticks.

“what about your family?” “hm? aside from the need for corrective lenses and a tendency to be abducted by extraterrestrials involved in an international governmental conspiracy, the mulder family passes genetic muster” (said with a celebratory flourish of his hands)

oh my gooooooosh i love them both so bad. he is SUCH a nerd. and his constant need to joke about the horrible things… even when they are approaching a serious topic, life ambitions and the desire to start a family, he has to go in there with some sarcasm to avoid getting Too Serious...

see? he has good genes. allegedly. go forth.

but he sobers up, points out that the child they had to just examine is a serious tragedy, and some likely very young parents are probably incredibly scared. but this isn’t really an FBI matter. 10 points to him for being serious for once.

she is brainstorming how such a thing could happen- “now, we all have a natural instinct to propagate” “do we?” <- ace mulder subtext i see you…

scully is convinced that the woman who gave birth to that child did it against her will, and mulder points out that kidnapping is a bureau matter… she seems determined to save someone caught in a horrible circumstance here, and i admire that about her, the sense of justice she has. she gets up to go investigate.

but he calls out: “hey scully- i never saw you as a mother before” <- OH MY GOD??? OH MY GOD. i can’t even begin to process that right now. oh my gosh it seems like he has wanted kids SO terribly… but scully never really brought the subject up, which is fine because not everyone wants kids!! but what does it say about her character if she DOES…? i am analyzing.

i hope she is happy someday with whatever she chooses. music is playing as he looks after her. do not for a second think i missed that little musical flourish and gaze combo.

so, they go to the peacock's farm. where they find a chopped off pig’s head on the steps. it doesn’t seem to bother them at all, which must be a testament to the strength of bureau training.

mulder tries to do his usual “enter first and ask questions later” thing, but scully STOPS HIM, saying there is no probable cause.

WHAT!!! for once they did NOT JUST BURST IN!!??? their random entering of places is one of my favorite running gags and for once they didn’t. oh she is serious about this one…

so they just peek inside instead…. and then they get their guns and go inside after seeing a table covered in blood. oh…. the scissors from before…. yes, bloody table = probable cause

there is blood everywhere, and the footprint from the crime scene matches the footprint in blood on the floor. AND they find a bloody shovel. well!!! we know who did it now!!! but… where are they??

it is soooo dark and creepy as they make their way through the house. and someone is WATCHING THEM THE DARK as they investigate. BLEUGH we get an extreme closeup on their eyes…….

i am spooked.

now scully is on the phone with sheriff taylor, who is describing the warrants for the arrest of the peacocks he put out, while mulder slams a TV in their hotel room, trying to get it to work. typical mulder behavior

(i bet they felt a need to incorporate some silly moments to lighten out the heavy heavy heavy content, and honestly i didn't think it would work, but for me it kinda is. don't get me wrong, it's still VERY heavy, but it's not start to finish just trauma like we got in calusari, which stands out to me as being the darkest and least fun episode in the series so far. but let mulder sniff a baseball a little and smack a TV and our agents talk about having a family and it is slightly less overwhelming in terms of tone)

and she brings up the white cadillac they found there but he says get a lot of abandoned cars. damn, who is abandoning a cadillac...

what is this sheriff hiding…?

he pulls out his gun from a locked box, and seems deeply regretful. before he puts it back in the box… hmm…

back at the peacock farm. the brothers are packing what looks like clubs into the cadillac. and i notice how silent and scary the whole thing is… no music whatsoever.

meanwhile, mulder is doing a little dance to try and get the TV working, which scully is smiling at him in a way that implies long term affection and exhaustion. i want to get those gifs and save them upon my blog forever and ever.

he’s trying to watch the knicks game, but as she heads out, he says “goodnight mom”, and she looks… uncomfortable. i mean, it’s a weird thing to say, but still. he says a lot of weird things and she doesn’t always look sort of… hmm. idk, the only phrase that comes to mind is “cut to the quick”. i WILL be analyzing that.

she tries to leave and the lock is broken, so he places a chair underneath, which might do something but like… probably not a ton.

anyway, back to the cadillac, where the brothers are pulling out while listening to music. where are they going….

sheriff taylor is up late at night, “taking one last look around before it all changes”. oh, he loves his town… but it is rotten, like mulder says. AND HIS WIFE DOESN’T LOCK THE DOOR AS THEY COME IN!!! NOOOO!

the brothers are on the move, while scully sleeps and mulder watches a fuzzy documentary on hyenas?? okay. king behavior.

but back at the sheriff’s house, he can hear the brothers approaching, and pulling into his yard. oh no…. he looks out the window and the brothers aren’t there. so did they already get in…?

he’s going for the gun, he says, and they enter his house. and he’s got a baseball bat, but where is the gun! they have clubs! like the kind the bad guys in zelda use!!! they look very very dangerous!

he hears them approach as his wife is under the bed……… and he swings his bat at the intruder, but he is barreled right over, it’s three on one, and they beat him RIGHT AS HIS WIFE SEES THE WHOLE THING FROM UNDER THE BED. and they sniff and sniff and FIND HER UNDER THERE????????

what the fuck. who came up with this…….. that song is still playing as they get in their car and leave. i'm sure the song also has some significance to the meaning of what these guys are doing but tbh i have never heard it before so it's hard to unpack.

the deputy is at the scene of the crime the next day, smoking a cigarette, hands shaking in terror. he had come over to give the sheriff a report… and found them that way.

so the owner of the cadillac was found in baltimore, she had left it behind after running out of gas. this is not a lead in the slightest.

mulder is investigating the scene while scully pulls out files from the crime lab, and it is. well, it is very bad, to put it bluntly. the crime scene is horrific. 

she says that the crime scene messed up the tests on the infant… but mulder proposes that… perhaps each of the brothers were the father? she talks about how babies are made and how that makes no sense, but he proposes that generations of inbreeding could maybe make such a mutation. but she says that isn’t possible, they’d need a female family member and there aren’t any left. hmm...

scully wants to try and trail them right now and go save whoever it was that was forced to give birth, but mulder points out that they are outnumbered and could further endanger the victim. what to do…? i don’t know the answer. 

oh! the deputy barges in and says he’ll take them up there so it’s three against three. and they have guns, which should give them the advantage. okay. shoutout to the deputy.

mulder seems suspicious however, and says his suddenly entry was a bit “too chuck bronson for me”. so yeah, i had to google that too. this chuck fellow is the guy from machine gun-kelly. and NOT that sleazy rapper one. the more you know.

scully is confused, though, because why would they kill the sheriff? he didn’t even investigate them. unless they somehow overheard them talking about issuing the arrest warrants while in their house… and they are operating under the assumption that the brothers were not in the house when they were…. but we know that someone was in hiding!!!

OH! back to the house. one of the brothers declares he is hungry. we finally get a semi-decent look at them, and they are incredibly gruesome. someone is under the bed still…. 

and when they declare that they are “ready”, they strip down. they knew this day- and change- was coming, and all they can do is be ready for it. this is our home. and this is the way it’s gonna stay. 

again, i ask, who came up with this……

the deputy and our agents are on the property, now. deputy wants to come in from the front and let them take the back. a brave thing to offer, but i am slightly suspicious of him. they have wired headsets on and bullet proof vests on, and he is going in.

so they’re approaching- scully and mulder in the field, the deputy out in front. scully is peeking through binoculars but she doesn’t see anyone inside!!! it has to be a trap!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!! just as scully tells the deputy to not go in, he opens the door and an AXE SWINGS DOWN AND CHOPS HIS HEAD OFF!!!!!

i am sorry for being suspicious of you, deputy. may you rest in peace.

mulder’s reciting his facts from the hyena documentary. they are witnessing something akin to prehistoric humanity. but he has an idea: divert them out of the house, so they don't have to deal with their traps. it is a good idea.

so they are sneaking into the pig pen, which had to be a pain to shoot. “scully, would you think less of me as a man if i told you i was kind of excited right now?” he asks as they try to get the pigs in a line to topple like dominoes or something???

“is there some secret farmer trick to getting these things moving?” “i don’t know!” lmaooo these city slickers...

they’re shoving pigs straight out the gate, and she’s trying to say some magic pig words from babe, which her nephew apparently watches all day. you know what that means...

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she has a nephew!

but there are more pressing matters at hand than a lore reveal as one of the brothers emerges, falling for their piggy trap. we see them in daylight now, and it is an unsettling sight. 

as the brothers try to herd the pigs back in, the agents sneak in, with mulder picking up a giant log to poke open the door. and it is a good thing he did that, because a trap descends right on the log that surely would have beheaded him as it did the deputy if not for the log taking the axe/weapon thingy for him. thank you for your service, giant log.

they sneak in beneath the log and close the door as if nothing went down. scully is yelling to see if anyone is in the house. they’re doing a sweep in excellent coordination. mulder mumbles “oh no” and i’m scared but he just picks up a newspaper that says elvis is dead and frowns 😭 his ass cannot be serious for more than five minutes 

but something approaches!!!! they enter the bedroom and see photos of generations and generations of this family, with varying conditions. and at this moment mulder notices that someone is under the bed!!

he’s trying to say that they’re here to help, but whoever is down there is screaming, screaming at them to go away. so scully tries to move the bed, but she’s strapped to a board underneath the bed, and they pull her out and…. oh my gosh, she has no limbs, i think? it’s dark and hard to tell. they keep her under the bed..........

mulder says they’re going to get her home, but after a glance at the pictures on the wall, scully says that she already IS home. it’s mrs. peacock. the mother of the family that they thought died in the car accident!!!!!!

she is sobbing and they roll her back under the bed, with mulder having a horrific look on his face, unable to process what he just saw. 

mulder is back on the prowl to find the other brothers. and he tasks scully with trying to convince mrs. peacock that she is the only one who can get “her boys” out of here without them being hurt. a mighty task, indeed.

she walks away, and he says “scully, w-watch your step” and he’s worried about her and i want to cry. oh!! we see a trip wire……….

so scully goes back to mrs. peacock, explaining that she needs medical attention, and the agents are here to help. she says that this is their home- why leave it? she has to see if the boys are okay. 

and she lost her limbs in the accident that killed her husband. “sewed me up just like the family learned in the war of northern aggression” OH! so that is an WILD thing to say in pennsylvania. but it was at this point i thought i was putting the pieces together for an extended metaphor...

but she insists she felt no pain, and that no one in the family does. and they’re such good boys. scully points out they murdered three people, and mrs. peacock says she can tell scully has no children, but maybe someday she’ll learn the pride and the love “when you know your boy will do anything for his mother”

well i think you probably just made her swear that off forever!!! so!!!!!

the brothers see mulder in the window, and they start to run in. and as he holds one at gun point, another tries to bash in his head, so scully shoots him. but this isn’t enough to take him down! and the other one joins in on their attack, so it’s two against one tag teaming mulder!!! oh my gosh scully can you use your perfect aim???

yes, she can, but despite emptying the whole clip, they aren’t hurt!!! 

they’re running and running and dodging a whole lot of terrible blows, and scully yells out that she has the mother! she trips over the wire and one of the traps falls RIGHT into one of the brothers, seemingly finally taking him out.

she notices marks on the floor, and when they go back for mrs. peacock, they can’t find the other brother or the mother.

so they put out an APB for them, saying that in time, they’ll catch them. but he counters with “i think time already caught them, scully”

cutscene to the cadillac- where mrs. peacock says that “sherman and george were good boys”- SHERMAN? a union name? edmund, sherman, and george… 

it ends with mrs. peacock saying that there will be more peacocks, and they have to find a new home, make a new family to be proud of. she is in the trunk of the car while she says this.

okay so first thoughts: WHAT THE FUCK.

this episode definitely lived up to its horrific reputation. but i can’t figure out exactly what it is it MEANS!

beyond exploring the horrific topics of generational abuse, i feel that there is something a bit deeper going on here. i actually felt so compelled to see if i was imagining things that i went on the wikipedia page for the episode, which spoke of its themes on the american dream and the nuclear family. those themes i see for sure- how mulder was talking about settling down in a place like this, so quaint and quiet, how they started discussing their own desire for a family, and how every idyllic thought about what a family could be was upended on its head with the peacocks. that made sense to me. but...

that line- “the war of northern aggression”- was what the confederates called the american civil war to justify their rebellion. this is notable for the fact that this whole episode took place in pennsylvania, which was a union state- but somehow, they got so twisted up in their own hatred that they’re parroting the lost cause ideology over a century after the war.

the repeated motifs of “things being the way they are in a small town, in our town, in our home”- is that a symbol for the festering of post-civil war wounds? the inability for the war to make meaningful change when it came to the attitudes of the people on the losing side, who continue- even to this day- to spew their hateful ideology? the inbreeding metaphor- is that a representation of how hate begets hate begets hate, generation after generation, compounding and corrupting by the lack of intervention from outsiders who are too afraid to change “the way things are” and call out harmful behavior? and the newspaper from elvis’s death… is that another allusion to the family (or perhaps certain parts of the country) living entirely in the past, in addition to their lack of electricity and water, just stewing in their own hatred? even the name- home- reminds me of the “house divided cannot stand” rhetoric. is this talking about the rot of "back in the good ol' days" thinking?

or if not a metaphor for the country, and instead just the horror of abuse? of how people can feel that things are the way that they are, and so that makes it correct, no matter what the cost? about how warped perceptions of family can be made and shaped? and the fact that mrs. peacock went along with all of this, despite being the biggest victim of the family... is that to speak on the twisted nature of gender roles and how they are weaponized in familial abuse?

i have to clarify that i am not an expert on abuse in the slightest; i am just trying to work through the themes of what i just saw. you know how it is on this blog; i do my best to interpret the big issues, but also recognize that i can only see and comment upon so much.

i'm really, really curious to hear how you interpreted the episode, though. or how audiences have understood it in the past, or if it has ever been re-evaluated. what did the cast and crew have to say on it? i want to know.

man. this is gonna really make me ponder. i want to know. it was too purposeful to just be a “wouldn’t it be fucked up if…” sort of situation.

regardless of the terror, i actually thought this episode was pretty good. it felt cohesive, not just a sideshow of horrible things to make you feel shocked. and we learned more about our characters- their ambitions in life, the possibility of a family someday dangling over their heads, and the terror associated with everything that could go wrong. i think there is always some fear about starting a family (i wouldn't know, but i do read books and stuff), and for scully to just now vocalize her thoughts on the subject and to immediately see this case- i can only imagine what it did to her thought process.

i thought the more light-hearted elements were working at the beginning- mulder's TV dance, baseball time, the merits of their genetics, family talk- worked well at first. but by the end it was just... damn. that was a lot. maybe that is the indication of a successful episode, that it can take you along heavy subject matter with a sense of character analysis and horror, but end with just terror.

i'm not a horror fan outside of this show, so the balancing of the heavy and the humor always baffles me a little bit. i don't know how other materials do it, so i can't really say if it could have been done better or worse. i think the important part though is that they don't turn the tragedy itself into the joke. it wasn't giving "point and laugh at the horrible peacock family!" it was finding humor in other situations, that ultimately still surrendered to the sober feeling of what humanity can do.

whew. this one is definitely gonna stick with me for a while, and i’ll need like 12 hours to formulate my thoughts into something comprehensible. but, you ask, did you like the episode?

yes! while i'm not sure i'd watch it again for funsies, i thought our agents had to confront some inner demons while also learning a lot about them together and individually, which is exactly the thing i want in an episode. i think it brought them closer and they understand each other better, and i think we're getting into some real juicy parts of their relationship. i can't stop thinking about him rubbing her back- how terribly devoted they are to each other, regardless of if either of them can put that into words. those dynamics of devotion that go beyond words- it's so special to me.

and sure, i'll take the bait, and daydream about them living together... i am not above fan service in the slightest. it is me, the fan, who loves to be serviced.

but again. i'm spooked.

[puffyducks]

DCRC Week #14 (Part 1)

IT'S TRAUMA TIME BABY WHOOO YEAH I LOVE TRAUMA!!! NOT AS IN LIKE. NOT AS IN LIKE THE BAD KIND OF TRAUMA BUT AS IN PKNA #10: TRAUMA YEAH WHOOOO YEAH!!!!!

Raw asf title panel btw. You know you're in for some crazy shit.

Btw everyone this is Gorthan he's like the One singular relevant Evronian that you should know by name. That's for later but just remember that he reads Shakespeare I guess.

SNOOZER ALERT. look at his fuckass slippers.

Btw is it just me or does this guy kinda look like Launchpad. Like Launchpad if he got stuck on an Evronian prison planet I guess.

BIG FUCKING GUY ALERT!!! Also good art alert god ough the cross hatching here...

OH MY GOD IT'S THE KING FROM DARKWING DUCK

Ok so like. I can understand the gang of street Elvis impersonators. But a bunch of guys cosplaying as roman soldiers? What, do the gangs in Duckburg just do LARPing in their free time now???

I mean... can you really BLAME him for thinking you were one of the criminals...

like......

Xerbian?? haha...... uh oh

OF COURSE HE HAS A FUCKING DARTBOARD WITH PK'S FACE ON IT 😭

YEAAAHHHH LET'S RUN HIM OVER

LOVE the creative use of paneling here, having him grab onto the negative space. I wouldn't consider myself an expert on comic book art by any means, but it's always cool to see fun stuff like this!

No it's NOT plain to see, tf are you talking about 😭 what kind of gang brings in a giant fucking shredded purple guy to settle their disputes

Donald has been acting like a tough guy this whole comic but he turned babygirl real quick here

Y'know sometimes I'm hit with like a brief moment of clarity where I realize that I'm sitting and reading a Donald Duck comic about him fighting a giant alien and then having self-critical introspection about what it means to be defeated by fear. And then I'm like "damn that's crazy."

Anyways now he's thinking about getting really buff

OOH YEAH BABY BIG FUCKIN ROBOT TIME!!!

BIG FUCKING ROBOT ALIEN FIGHT YES!!! THIS IS WHAT THE FUCK I CAME HERE FOR!!! THIS IS WHY I STARTED READING THIS SERIESSS

Sorry I'll stop getting insanely fucking excited over this battle but like look at em go!!

Small detail that I really love here is the switch to the more simple paneling style for the flashback portion, reminiscent of the old comics. A nice touch :3

First of all. Rawest comic spread I ever did see. SECOND OF ALL. I think I looked at this photo like 5 different times before I realized that there's a tiny little Uno in the suit lol look at him

:0

Anyways RIP bozo + L + ratio + get Donald Ducked idiot. Trauma literally met one singular guy that broke through his mind powers and he just died instantly (or like I guess he survived and got taken back by the Evronians but like who gaf we're not gonna see him again GOODBYEEE don't let the door hit your ass on the way out)

And of course you all know what time it is... that's right... Angus Tales. yaaay... (ok Angus hate aside I actually do like the Angus Tales comics like they're pretty fun and they have a silly art style that I like)

Never speak to me like that again or I'm filing a restraining order

Why are all these people severely jaundiced

I just TOLD you bro he has jaundice. can't you read

I wanna shame him for being racist but like are any of us really surprised here

THEY MADE HIM GO TO A FURRY CONVENTION

Ok I will in fact be back again later this week to read Donald Duck Twilight. Which I specifically requested be paired with Trauma in the same week because I thought it would be funny 🦇

[acealonsowrites]

TKDB Boys as Lewis Capaldi songs

Putting this out as I warm myself up to starting part two of my Subaru mini fic. Lewis Capaldi is my fav singer at the moment so I'm combining my two hyper fixations :) Some of these make complete sense (objectively) and others make complete sense TO ME (subjectively) and some I'm completely lying through my teeth and just wanted to assign a song to be done with it. I'll let y'all know which is which and my explanations for them + the lyrics that I feel best go with them. Most of these we have to pretend the boys are romantic and melancholic cause that's the only way this'll work. The easiest were Towa and Subaru, I feel like they're the embodiment of the two faces of Lewis's songs (pining for love and having imposter syndrome lol). The hardest were Tohma and Ritsu but I'll try my best to explain.

Makes sense (objectively):

Luca, Kaito, Alan, Sho, Leo, Towa, Taiga, Subaru, Haku, Ed, Rui, Lyca

Make sense (subjectively, ie: to me):

Jin, Haru, Romeo, Zenji, Yuri, Jiro

Lying through my teeth:

Tohma, Ren, Ritsu

So without further ado, here are my song assignments for the boys :)

Frostheim

Jin - How This Ends

“All the flowers would die and the tears from your eyes would come as no surprise as I tried to forget how we bled, and we bled, and we bled, and we bled. So this is where we ended up. All of those years that I wasted for love. And here it is, forevermore, the house is on fire and I can’t find the door. If I had the heart to start it again, I’d stamp out the sparks in my own self-defense. No, you ain’t gonna like how this ends.”

I only had a bit of a hard time assigning Jin's because I felt like his and Romeo's could kinda go to either or. But in the end, this one made the most sense for Jin. It makes me think about what his family life could be like and it's a good contrast with the fire themes being an obstacle for the Ice King. The start of this song also mentions being useless and full of excuses which makes me think of how he's viewed from an outsider's perspective since Tohma clearly does all the work.

Tohma - Don’t Get Me Wrong

“Pray silence, I’m begging. Too tired to tell you I ain’t coming home. Stop for a second. Guess I got caught up in leading you on. And I ain’t responsible for the lump in your throat. Haven’t you had enough of all of this? Haven’t you had enough of loneliness? Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to stay too long. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to tell you whatever you want. But haven’t you had enough of loneliness? Haven’t we had enough of second best? So don’t get me wrong.”

GODDDD it was so hard assigning Tohma a song. Mostly because I just can't gauge him? I don't think I understand him all that well but I still tried. Anyways from what little we know about his past and how he most likely was Vagastrom turned Frostheim but still having relatively good relations with Vagastrom, something tells me that he switched houses because of some hidden ambition of his. He seems to be very driven and determined, like he wouldn't let external factors come between him and his goals. Like the song suggests, he doesn't settle for second best and hopes you understand.

Luca - Pointless

“From all my airs and graces to the little things I do, everything is pointless without you. Of all the dreams I’m chasing there’s only one I’d choose. Everything is pointless without you.”

What a sweet boy. This was one of the first ones I assigned in my head, mostly because he's a perfect little gentleman. He has goals and ambitions like Tohma but in my head there's nothing he wouldn't do for a loved one. Later in the song the lyrics go "I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you. You'll wait for me, too." And idk it just feels like him? Tell me I'm wrong.

Kaito - The Ancient Art of Always Fucking Up

“The story goes now he’s the kind of fool who breaks his heart as often as the moon shows its face to you. And I regret to say politely, I’m the guy who’ll more than likely lose like I always do.”

Boyfailure at it's finest. This entire song is his, I was thisss close to typing it all out. A master of the ancient art of always fucking up, Kaito seems to be prone to self-sabotaging both with love and finances. Give this song a listen, I promise it'll make sense.

Vagastrom 

Alan - Someone I Could Die For

“You know I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying for someone I could die for, someone I could try for. Fall apart and cry for, go ‘head risk my life for. Bullet to the brain for, take away the pain for. You know I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying for someone I could die for.”

Can you tell I love him? Call him Bruno Mars the way he'd catch a grenade for you. Or in this case, take a bullet to the brain for you. He's got that tough-looking exterior and he doesn't really feel he deserves love or to be that close to anybody but something tells me he yearns for it. Out of all of Vagastrom he's the only one looking for that someone to be vulnerable with but he's obviously not gonna show it.

Sho - Let it Roll

“And if you want to stay lost a while, I’ll rearrange the road I take and meet you out in the wild. And if you want we can wait behind. We can find a place to hide, maybe I could change your mind.”

Look I love Sho, okay. Sho, I love you. Listen Sho, I love you. You hang out with Leo which means you have the emotional depth of a walnut. I wasn't going to give him a song that was that deep because it just didn't make sense. He just seems like someone you could take a ride with and completely forget your troubles. He's unfortunately here for a good time, not a long time.

Leo - Forget Me

“Cause I’m not ready to find out you know how to forget me. I’d rather hear how much you regret me, and pray to god that you never met me, than forget me. Oh, I hate to know I made you cry but love to know I cross your mind, babe.” 

Lol, no he doesn't hate that he made you cry. He's actually collecting your tears in a bottle. But he really would rather you keep him on your mind even if it's pure hatred than have you forget him. That's probably his number one fear: being forgotten. He wants all of your attention and he doesn't care how it comes.

Jabberwock

Haru - Someone You Loved

“I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to turn to. This all-or-nothing way of loving’s got me sleeping without you. Now, I need somebody to know, somebody to heal, somebody to have, just to know how it feels. It’s easy to say but it’s never the same. I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape.”

Haru was also a bit of a tossup for me. This is mostly carried by the desire to heal someone. It really feels like he just needs someone on his corner FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE. Someone PLEASE help him escape some of his responsibilities or at least take some off his shoulders.

Towa - Before You Go/Haven’t You Ever Been in Love Before

“So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make your heart beat better? If only I’d have known you had a storm to weather. So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless.”

“And maybe I’m a fool, but I just can’t live with regret, I’d rather dive off the deep end. Will you hold me like you want me? But you don’t give me nothing else. Feel this happening, but you feel absent. Can you tell me what it is? And she said this: ‘Haven’t you ever been in love before? You heard em say, it takes the pain away, and it’s a feeling that you can’t ignore. But it’s more like a knife to me, than a high to me, and my heart can’t fall apart anymore. If you knew what I know you’d be terrified. Haven’t you ever been in love before?’”

Like I said in the intro, Towa's vibes make up half of all Lewis Capaldi songs. He's the free spirit, he's the guy that believes in soulmates. I gave him two because I couldn't decide which one fit him better. He's really looking to take away all your troubles so lean on him as much as you like. For the second part I was imagining a conversation with him under the tree going like this. He'll hear you rant about how this curse has sullied all thoughts of love for you and hearing this breaks his heart a little because he feels you deserve love.

Ren - Bruises 

“There must be something in the water, cause everyday it’s getting colder. And if only I could hold you, you’d keep my head from going under.”

This one's short because it's Ren, hello! He's so emotionally stunted, there really wasn't much to go off of. Chose something with water in it cause haha funny. Honestly though if he DID find a way to express emotion, he would probably hold the metaphor of drowning and you being his lifesaver close to his heart. I actually love him so I had to try at least a little bit for him.

Sinostra 

Taiga - A Cure for Minds Unwell

“That, if I’m being honest, I couldn’t tell you this is all I wanted. I struggle sleeping cause the house feels haunted. Filled with the shadows of regret, and the things I should’ve said to the ones I’ve laid to rest and lately, I’m terrified that all my youth is fading. Man, growing old is so excruciating. Is there a cure for minds unwell? Cause my head’s a living hell, if I’m honest with myself.”

At first, I was conflicted on finding a song for Taiga for obvious reasons but then I remembered this specific part of this song and it made me think of some theories of Taiga freshly post-clash realizing that his mental state was deteriorating and then I got sad :,) Y'all are really geniuses with these theories by the way, I love it. Keep the hurt coming for me PLEASE.

Romeo - Burning

“So maybe now instead of balancing on the edge we could put this to bed for good. Could call it quits or risk sinking with this broken ship but I don’t think we’d make it through, through. Now it’s only the beat of my heart that reminds me not to stare at the sparks. Can’t set fire to my soul just to keep ya, keep ya, keep ya from burning alone.”

Like I said, Jin and Romeo really could've gone either way. Their family situations to me feel vaguely similar but this one felt like it spoke more to Romeo. He is, as Taiga calls him, a greedy bastard. He's experienced what it's like losing everything and now he's desperately trying to hold on to what he has like his life depends on it and he's really not about to let anyone stop him. He's not really caring or empathetic to your situation however much he fakes otherwise and he's not about to risk his livelihood to save you, I'm sorry.

Ritsu - Grace

“On the verge of almost bleeding you out. Are we too wounded now to ever come down? Oh, how I long for us to find common ground. I’ve got nothing but you on my mind.”

This was the hardest one BY FAR. I kinda don't have an explanation because even though I said "let's pretend they're romantics," he's really just, not? And he's not melancholic either so have some crumbs lol.

Hotarubi

Subaru - Maybe/The Pretender

“I gave my all but not enough. And with the weight of expectations I’ll be sleeping rough. How come I’m the only one who ever seems to get in my way? Lately I’ve been fucking up a good thing any chance I can get. Somebody to lean on, somebody to hold. It’s just another to lead though, before I let go and I ain’t tryna be lonely, solely, but everything I touch turns to stone. Maybe you’re better off on my own.” 

“I spend almost all of my time feeling like I’m falling even further behind. I know I’m so good at seeming like I’m not on the edge of a knife. I feel like everything I do is a lie, and all the words just further pull the wool over eyes. I know I’m no good at being who I am away from the light. I’m the pretender, what can I tell ya? Designed to deceive, so tell me who you want me to be.”

Again, two songs because he's the second half of all Lewis songs. Did someone say imposter syndrome? He's an actor, what do you expect. The first one could have also gone to Rui but I feel it's more fitting for Subaru. He's a little too self-conscious about his stigma and he holds out on personal relationships because of it.

Haku - Love the Hell Out of You

“You’ve got your demons, spent seasons on the dark side of the moon. Don’t try denying cause you know that I’ve been there, too. Right now I know how it feels like the world’s gonna end. But I’ll get you through, if it’s the last thing I do. I’m gonna love the hell out of you. Take all the pain that you’re going through. And I’ll bring you heaven, if that’s what you need. Cause you’ve always loved the hell out of me.”

Lock me up and throw away the key, he knows how to get the best out of me ~ HAKUUUU my love. This one was a no-brainer, I mean come on. He and Rui are peak romantics. He was the first one to help you and by god, he'll be the last. I have no other words. Live, laugh, love, Haku.

Zenji - Heavenly Kind of State of Mind

“From now until the afterlife, be it rain, or hail, or shine, we could be intertwined. Whether you were heaven-sent to save me from above, or the only one who doesn’t hate me, that’s enough. When I need someone to save me from original sin, you call me like a chorus only angels could sing. Now I think about you all of the time, oh what a heavenly kind of state of mind.”

I'm sorry but this one was FUNNYYYY to me. You know, cause he's, y'know...anyways. This whole song feels like how he talks and how he would probably sing it too. Even from the start, "it's almost cruel, the blue in your eyes. The kind of blasphemy that makes a congregation cry." TELL ME THAT'S NOT SOMETHING HE'D SAY. It's almost as eccentric as he is and there really was no better option for him.

Obscuary 

Ed - Forever

“Darling, nobody said that it would last forever. That doesn’t mean we didn’t try to get there. I never said that we would die together. That doesn’t mean it was a lie, remember. Nobody said that it would last forever.” 

Hahaha pain. Can you imagine Ed living through a bunch of lovers and outliving them all? At some point he'd stop caring but he'd really have to tell you not to expect much from him. He probably avoids becoming attached to anyone anymore.

Rui - Lost on You

“Everyday I’m a slave to the heartache, and you’re wasting away every night. I don’t wanna leave you lonely, but I’ve run out of love this time. You know that I adore you, though I couldn’t give enough. Hope you’ll be safe in the arms of another, cause I can’t take the weight of your love.” 

Pain again. I warned y'all this one would hurt. Of course he'd HAVE to give you up at some point because not being able to touch you was punishment enough. You both have to move on now.

Lyca- Mercy

“For every second you’ve been talking, I’ve been trying to count the lines around your face cause I don’t know if I’ll ever be this close again. I feel like I’m just wasting time before you pull the trigger. It’s the drawing of the line, it’s my ghost you’re gonna give up. Got your made up mind, it hurts to see you’re alright, when I’m not alright. So if you’re calling it a night, oh please have, have mercy. Have mercy on me, you’re breaking my heart.”

HAHAHAHA PAIN PAIN PAIN OH IT HURTS SO GOOD. I thought of two things for this one. 1) Idk but I headcannon that whoever this Neros person is, he's either dead or he wants nothing to do with Lyca. Either way I can imagine their time together before Lyca was imprisoned and him not understanding why Neros is leaving him. 2) His time with Subaru before he actually trusted him. He fully believed Subaru was sent to kill him and he felt kind of conflicted opening up to someone who would probably be his downfall. But then he warms up to Subaru and instead of thinking "when is he gonna kill me" it's "when is he coming back" whenever the lulls between Subaru's visits become too lengthy. This one really hit too close to home :,)

Mortkranken

Yuri - Old Navy Blue

“No matter though how good things go, they’ve always got to end. I’ve said goodbye to family from the side of their sick beds. So, to all the ones I’ll always love but faded out of view: until we meet again, this one’s for you. Well it’s sad, but sometimes it’s true, that your friends become the people you knew. Once upon a time, that you left behind, old navy blue.” 

Okay hear me out. So before the Mortkranken episode, I really did not like Yuri. After it though? AND after Episode 8?? Bro really is overworked and does he get the respect he deserves? Not a lick. I also headcannon that his medical ambitions stem from his possible experiences with loss in his personal life and now he's really just determined to be the best doctor there ever was. Sure, he's got some arrogance going for him but I mean it's kind of warranted when your talents aren't truly recognized. It's kinda necessary or else he's gonna lose his shit. No harm keeping his ego in check from time-to-time though.

Jiro - Rush

“I miss the tone of your heartbeat. It’s such a warming and familiar sound. I hope you’re finding the power to help you make it through the darker days. For now I’ll wait by the hour if you wanna take somebody’s breath away.” 

Do I even have to explain this one? Pre-clash to post-clash Jiro is most likely a completely different person. I can imagine him having some remnants of memories from his past of who he was and who he left behind but still not quite fully understanding what this emptiness is and if it was always there.

Anyways that was the post. Thanks for sticking around this long if you made it all the way down here lol. Part 2 of Subaru mini fic will either be out tonight or tomorrow. Okay bye love you!

[writeandsurvive]

Ride or die ~ Alden Parker

This was supposed to be pure fluff (which it is), but before I know it, I'm writing soft smut lol. I'm not sorry about it.

Summary: Alden wants a new plant (yet another one)

Warnings: fluff, smut, established relationship, age gap (implied), sex on the couch, p in v, dominating!Alden, romantic!Alden, teasing, gentle banter, short!Reader (I, myself, being 155cm)

Going shopping with Alden is never a good idea. The house always ends up with a new plant. It doesn't matter what you're shopping for, in the first place. Or even if you go somewhere where there's no plants to buy. He always finds a way to worn you down, giving you his saddest puppy eyes and/or most charming smile. You kinda hate him for it.

"The greenhouse is full, Den. Wait for one of them to die."

"You know the goal is to keep them alive, right? Plus, it's a plant I don't have yet."

You do love how he's passionate about plants, that's actually one of the many things that made you fall in love with him. But what you don't like is having to take care of them when he gets caught up with work. He does his best to take care of them himself, especially after the second plant you killed, but being a federal agent asks a lot, and sometimes you find yourself on plant duty.

"And you know the patio was also supposed to be for me to paint, right?" You mimicked him.

"You still got space! One tiny plant won't change that." He took his eyes off the road for a second to look at you with a soft smile. You felt his hand on his thigh, squeezing.

"You're annoying." You rolled your eyes, and saw his soft smile turning into a proud grin. He knows he's winning, not that you could forbid him to buy a new plant anyways.

You take your phone from your pocket, to look at something. Alden pulls over his favorite store to get plants, and gets ready to leave the car when you grab his arm to stop him. "You changed your mind?" He starts showing off his puppy eyes.

You show him your screen, "He's cute, isn't he?"

He squints his eyes to look, and realizes you're showing him a picture of a cat. "No!" He says.

"You're getting a plant, I'm getting a cat."

"Babe, a cat will destroy the greenhouse! Eat my plants!"

You giggle, "I know!"

"You're mean." He pouts like a child. "If you want a pet, let's get a dog! A turtle! A bird!" His eyes go wild as he looks at you again, like he never thought about getting birds before.

"No! Absolutely not! No birds in the house!"

He growls. "Fine. But no cat either!"

"Then let's go home, before our groceries go bad."

Alden leans over to you, his puppy eyes locked on you. "Please," he whispers close to your ear, knowing it's your weakness. "You promised my old man you'd always make me happy." You laugh at that and he follows, knowing how ridiculous this is.

"I'm sure Roman would be on my side for this."

"He's always on your side! I'm starting to think he loves you more than me."

"Well, I wasn't a juvie."

"That's a cheap shot!" He pinches your thigh as a quick punishment, making you jump on your seat.

"Parker! It hurts!" You slap his arm.

"Indeed. So I'm getting a baby plant to make myself feel better." He kisses your lips, before nipping it and leaving the car. You love this man so much it hurts.

~

"You better help me put the groceries away before spending an hour finding a place for your plant."

"Yes ma'am." Alden always carries most of the groceries to the house, because he doesn't want you to carry too much, even though you perfectly can. You stopped arguing with him on that a long time ago though. "Focus on carrying my baby." He says handing you the plant.

"That's something you say to your pregnant wife. And I'm neither pregnant nor your wife." You walk away after an extra sway, without waiting for him, knowing he's grunting with a smile as you do.

You reach the apartment a moment before him, giving you time to hide the plant. He doesn't realize right away, as you both put the groceries away. Somehow, you always end up having to put stuff on the top shelf, despite your struggle to reach it. But you know Alden likes it. He enjoys the view as you tiptoe - especially when you're wearing barely nothing. And of course, he takes the opportunity to come behind you. His arm follows yours, his hand brushing as he grabs the box of cereal and puts it there. His other hand puts your hair away so he can kiss your neck. "Everytime." You smile and lean into him, angling your head to give him better access.

"Advantage of dating a pocket size woman." His arms wrap around you, one of his hands softly stroking your neck. You stretch your arms behind the both of you, so your hands can touch his magnificent hair, deserving a soft 'hmmm' from him.

"Are you sure you're okay with us not getting married?" He softly asks, kissing the top of your head.

"Yes, Alden." You turn around to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck. "I told you I'm fine, I understand why you don't want to get married again, and we don't need that to be in a committed relationship." You kiss him, and his hand comes to hold and stroke your cheek while the other holds you tight against him. As the kiss intensifies, you can feel a bulge in his pants and if his hand slid into your panties, he could feel how wet you are getting.

But before it can get really interesting, Alden pulls away with a smirk on his face and walks out of the kitchen. "You cannot be serious right now!" You shout at him and hear him laugh. But you don't say anything more, knowing he's coming back any second, asking about his plant. So you just walk over to the couch, grab your book from the coffee table and settle there.

About twenty seconds later, Alden is in front of you, hands on his hip. "Where is it?"

"Where what is, dear?" You ask, not looking up from your book, even though you're absolutely not reading.

"Where is my baby plant?"

"Probably the same place my orgasm is."

Before you know it, the book is being thrown away and you're being pinned onto the couch, your wonderful boyfriend on top of you. "I'm gonna give you that orgasm, but" he links your wrists together to put them above your head. "Those hands stay here. If I feel your fingers on me, I'll stop here and there."

"Bossy," you tease him, trying not to show how this is turning you on. You love it when Alden gets all dominating and controlling. It's something he discovered and developed with you, which makes it extra special. Like it's a part of him that belongs to you and you only. No one ever got to see him like this and hopefully no one ever will.

"You kiss me, I stop." He adds. "You come before I allow you, no orgasm for a week."

"That's not fair!" You whine.

"You whine again, and I stop. You talk back and I stop." He holds your face, "Are we clear?" You nod.

"Good girl."

You don't move as he undresses you just enough, before pulling his already hard cock out and pumping a few times. You'll never get tired of this, of him. He can act tough and controlling, but the man doesn't even need you to touch him to get an erection. This makes you feel powerful and you love it.

Alden starts rubbing his leaking tip against your clit, earning soft noises from you. He teases your pussy for what feels like forever. "You look fucking beautiful, losing your mind under me like this." All you want to do is beg him to fuck you, but scared it'd sound like a whine, you don't say anything but his name. "I've never loved my name more than when it comes out of your mouth." So you say it again, and again.

"Fuck me." You whisper.

"I'm not sure you deserve it." His cock is replaced by his thumb, that's moving extremely slowly. "Maybe I'll just jerk off on this pretty pussy, and get on with my day."

"Make me cum, and I'll tell you where the plant is."

"God, I hope you never get tortured." You immediately feel his thick cock sliding inside you, and you moan loudly. His body is completely on top of you now, he's pampering your face with kisses as he thrusts in and out of you. His eyes lock into yours and his arms crawl under yours and he intertwines his fingers with yours. "You were made for me, weren't you?"

"Yes, I was. Fuck Den, I'm close."

"Thank god cause I can't hold back much longer." He let go of one hand to rub your clit, making sure you're both cumming at the same time. You love how he allows himself to be loud as he milks deep inside you, this sends you over the edge and you match his volume.

After a few sex sessions when you started to date, you realized how he was forcing himself to be quiet when he reached his orgasm. You asked him about it and he confessed that he was told several times that he was too loud and it wasn't pleasant - mostly by his ex wife - so he forced himself to control his noises. Of course, you told him to never do that again with you and he hasn't since, especially when he noticed how much you loved it.

Alden lays on top of you, both catching your breath. He let go of your hands so you can hold him and stroke his back and hair. "You're my ride or die, baby." He confesses.

Ever since you had the marriage conversation, and he admitted not wanting to do it again, Alden has been making sure to let you know how committed he is, and how much he loves you, and that his decision has nothing to do with you.

"I know."

A few seconds later, he's looking at you, puzzled. "What?" You ask.

"I'm not your ride or die?"

You giggle but don't say anything. "You're annoying." He sits up, pulling his soft cock out of you, making a much bigger mess on the couch. You're quick to follow, grabbing his face and kissing him. "You're my ride or die, you crazy plant lover."

"The crazy part appeared because of you." He kissed you a little more. "Now, where is it?"

You laugh and tell him. You thought he was leaving you like this, but of course he comes back with his plant and a towel for you. "And just like that, I've been replaced." You roll your eyes.

"Be glad it's not with a younger woman--"

"If you pick someone younger, it'd be illegal, Mr Federal Agent."

As you called it, it took him about an hour to rearrange the greenhouse just to find the perfect spot for his new plant. An hour you spent on the leather couch in the greenhouse, switching between reading your book and looking at your handsome man. "Come." He extends his hand to you, so you take it and follow him to where the plant is now installed. "Name it." He says, hugging you from behind.

"Why me? It's your plant."

"Do you know what exactly it is?"

"Of course not, Alden."

He chuckles. "It's a Peacelily. It'll bloom into a beautiful white flower. And it's known to remove harmful toxins from the air."

"oh, really? That's nice!" You look closer at the plant.

"I want you to name it cause it's yours. It's you." You turn around to face him, "So pure and beautiful, who takes all the negativity away whenever you're around."

You knew Alden was romantic and loving, but he was taking it to another level with this. You're close to tearing up as you hug and kiss him. "I'm the luckiest girl in the world."

"You make my world better."

You kiss more and look at the plant again. "Bonnie."

"Bonnie?"

"Yeah, and maybe we could get a grumpy, older plant, put next to it and name it Clyde."

"I sense a subliminal message there but I'll ignore it."

You laugh and hug him tight.

[majestichyuk]

Second Try

Pairing :- Johnny x fem!reader

Summary:- All she wanted was a good first date, and the least the other party could have done so well, was be there. 

Genre:- fluff, kinda angsty, strangers to friends (can be something more if you use ur imagination ;) 

Wc :- 1.6k

WARNING ⚠️:- NONE

NOTES: - it may be a little cringy or rushed idk, but it probably is lol. This is my first fic so critique is always accepted, I can improve. Wanted to write something and this was the idea, something cute. Anyway, hope you like it. Don’t be afraid to interact. 🙂 LIKE, FOLLOW & REBLOG.

~~~~~~♡♡♡♡♡♥︎♡♡♡♡♡~~~~~~

The light breeze blew against the rainy night, delicate drops of rain damping the side of my shoulder uncovered from the tiny umbrella. Nervousness is an understatement for how I'm feeling, I haven't been out as much and don’t put much energy into seeking a companion.

Today is different from my normal routine, other than going home from a long day of work to relax and prepare my dinner for the night I went into my closet and dug out all the repeated fits I’ve worn. Finally, I set my palm on a nicely wrapped box with a bow on it given to me by my mother who recently transitioned into an angel. She told me to wear it on a special occasion, the day I think will change my life, and today felt like that day.

I met the guy after my shift was done from work, he stopped me on my way home to ask for directions to a certain place. I don’t normally do this, but he felt like he could bring happiness to my dull life, we talked every day after that, but he wasn’t the best at conversations, he mostly talked about himself but It’s okay cause it’s better than being alone.

I don’t own a car yet, so I caught the bus on my way there. We agreed to meet at a peaceful little restaurant called ANL Cafe that recently opened. I've never been there so I was excited when he suggested it.

Wrapping the dainty jacket around me tightly I came out of the bus and walked towards the Cafe. The rain started to pour down a little more, so I quickened my step and eventually entered the warm environment. Shaking the water from out the umbrella I closed it and placed it in the provided bucket inside the cafe.

I saw an empty seat close to the window wall. I took my jacket off and placed it on the back of the seat. Before I sat, I looked around to see if I saw him but ended up with no luck.

“Maybe I came too early,” I said, a little unsure if that was the case. I checked my phone to look back at the conversation we had on the time we should meet here, and I was exactly on time.

I brushed it off and waited, there’s nothing wrong with being a few minutes late.

“Hello there, and welcome to ANL Cafe! What can I get for you today?” an overexcited employee greeted me with such enthusiasm, that I found it cute.

"Hi, I'm actually waiting on someone, but a glass of water would be nice," I assured him as I gave a polite smile, which he quickly returned.

"A glass of water, coming right up!" He winked at me with a cheeky smile and left to return a minute later with the glass in hand.

"Here you are, ANL's finest tapped water," he laughed at his joke, and I couldn't muster up the strength to not laugh as well.

"Thank You..." I looked at his name tag. "Jaemin?" I asked curiously.

"Yes, that is correct, is there anything else I could get for you?" Jaemin politely asked but I shook my head, so he bowed and walked away.

15 minutes passed and I still don't see any signs of him showing up after calling and messaging him a couple of times with no response. I wasn't overly excited about moving to the next stage of our relationship, but I assumed that If I gave it a try, I wouldn't regret it, but the more I sat here and thought about it the more disappointed I became with myself. 

There wasn't much of a spark between us, but I settled for it because he wasn't a bad guy, he was quite respectful and sweet but if I'm being honest, he's a 20% type of guy, a choice made in the moment, an open opportunity taken. 

Many would have gotten up and left after probably 10 minutes but after the half an hour mark hit, I decided to order my food and treat myself. I exchange words with Jaemin here and there, he's sweet and he also told me he's working for his older brother because he looks up to him and I thought that was quite admirable. 

After I paid for my meal, I left the cafe and surprisingly the rain was still falling. I took up my umbrella, put on my jacket, and headed back outside.

I found a nearby bus stand and the seat was shockingly dry. I sat down and waited for the bus to arrive. 

I see a figure at the corner of my eye as they sit beside me but not too close. I kept my head straight, not daring to look in their direction. 

"It's raining quite a lot, isn't it?" The gentleman beside me asked in such a soothing and deep tone.

"Yea...I guess" I replied quite uneased, wondering why he was trying to start a conversation with me.

I looked at my side to see he braced his head on the headrest, looking up at the bus stop roofing, with a hat and umbrella in his left and right hand. 

"Would be nice to be at home right now cuddled up in my bedsheet with this weather, you know?" He turned his head to look at me with a look in his eyes that had me more intrigued than I actually wanted to be.

"You're not wrong," I scoffed "I'd rather be there more than anything right now,".

"So why aren't you there?" He asked me and seemed more interested then as he turned his body towards me. 

"If you don't mind me asking, that is," he reassured me so that I wouldn't feel pressured, but I brushed it off.

"It's fine really, I was actually supposed to be on a date with a guy I have been talking to for 3 weeks now, but he stood me up, so I had my dinner and left," I laughed a little when I saw the concerned expression on his face.

"Don't pity me, I'm okay, really, I'm actually happy he didn't show up," I looked up at the bright stars peeking through the dark clouds of the rainy night. He did the same and relaxed in the seat.

Silence took over us as the windy breeze passed by.

"I'm Johnny by the way," he put his hand out for me to shake. 

I looked at him and realized how beautiful he was, I shook his hand and felt something between my fingers.

"I actually saw you at the cafe and you left this on the table" He chuckled lightly. I looked in my hand to see my bracelet that I had the habit of playing with and sometimes taking it off when I’m eating.

"And here I thought you wanted to be friends," I playfully pouted. 

"Well, I had to make sure you were worthy of receiving back such a valuable item," he said in a snarky tone. 

"So, you were going to steal my shit?!" I smacked his arm. "I would have definitely done some investigation work and jumped you if I saw you in the street," I smirk and place my bracelet back on my wrist.

"Oh?" Johnny opened his hand towards me. "Give me it back and let's see how good of a tracker you are," he said in a challenging manner inching his hands closer.

I thought about it reluctantly, I don't know why a decision like this has to have a second guess, the first obvious choice would be to laugh it off and decline but he's quite interesting and had a weird cozy aura around him. So, I placed the bracelet in his palm and looked him deep in the eyes and he held the gaze with such confidence.

I removed my hands and placed them to my side, resting them on the seat. Johnny put the bracelet on and chuckled lightly.

"I like this game," he pushed his hair back and placed his hat back on. "A game of cat and mouse?" he tilted his head towards you as he asked curiously.

"More or less, you make me want to step out of my comfort zone," I wiped my face with my handkerchief as the wind blew the rain toward me.

"So, you felt the connection too? well ever since you stepped into my Cafe, I was intrigued by you actually," He crossed his arm over his chest and as I looked towards him, I realized he was gently gazing at me awaiting my response, but I looked at him confused.

"You own ANL Cafe?" He laughed and nodded his head. "So, you're Jaemin's older brother I assume?".

"I guess you'd have to go to the cafe with me and find out over a better meal that's actually paid for," he said in a flirty tone that made me break into a smile.

I laughed and looked at the road to see a bus arriving and quickly stood up.

"Oh, what a shame, the damsel has to leave to return to her exciting life of wonderful joy, happiness, sunshine, and prosperity," I dramatically placed the back of my hand over my eyes. Johnny burst out in laughter at my unexpected action.

"Well, I guess this bracelet is your diamond slipper," he looked up at you with starry eyes. "I never caught your name," he stood up and gently touched my elbow.

"Maybe I'll tell you If we happen to see each other again," I looked up at him, he was tall and even more gorgeous up close as the moonlight shaped his features.

The bus stopped in front of us. "Next time, Johnny?" I asked, waiting for his reply before I stepped into the bus.

"2 is my lucky number, so I'll make sure our second meeting leads to me getting your name and giving you your bracelet back in exchange for a continuous friendship," Johnny smiled brightly as we waved goodbye.

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals - Christmas Don't Be Late (The Chipmunk Song)

VoicePlay didn't actually release a full-length Christmas song in 2021 (just a couple of Christmas Minis instead), and so we're jumping ahead to the 3rd of December, 2022, when VoicePlay released what may in fact be my favourite Christmas song cover of theirs ever!

As a group, VoicePlay have had quite a lot of experience with performing this song over the years, as it was a regular part of their setlist when they used to perform at Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party at Walt Disney World. If you wanna learn more about that, check out these posts by @jules-has-notes linked HERE and HERE (and I hope Jules doesn't mind me tagging them but seriously their blog has *so much* stuff about old VoicePlay stuff, further back than I go that's for sure!)

Anyway, the original arrangement for this song, i.e. the one VP used for live performances, was done by a guy called Chris Diaz, who is (was?) in an acapella group himself, but Geoff made quite a few alterations to the song/arrangement himself, and so both him and Chris are credited with the arrangement! Geoff was also in charge of the video, he co-directed it with Tony, and yes, he added additional music bits and original lyrics of his own, because of course he did 😄

And of course the song features the amazing DeeJay Young, but enough talking, let's get into this!

First of all, love the way VoicePlay started the song with the kinda "old-timey" effect on the visuals (and the audio too!). They did something similar for the start of Sh-Boom and In The Air Tonight, and did it for a brief moment in We're Good as well.

Second of all, do you recognise the set? You should! It's the same one Geoff used for his Way Down video, just with a bit of added Christmas flair!

Not the most perfect screenshot but I just had to give a shoutout for how Geoff suddenly runs into the shot. Like seriously neither words nor individual screencaps do it justice but I find it very amusing 😝

(Also, Eli is again weaing black sneakers with thick white soles)

Cesar as Alvin is literally perfect casting honestly. Like nobody else could do it better.

(Also Cesar was in fact genuinely filming stuff on his phone during this bit, and that footage got included in the BTS video for this cover, and it's just as entertaining and hilarious as you'd expect)

I want that shirt

DeeJay is looking pretty stylish there too! (And yes Cesar also looks great in his blazer)

Alright so Layne is Dave (the human guy character), Cesar is Alvin, Deejay is Theodore, Eli is Simon, and Geoff is... Geoff? 😂😅

"ALVIIINNNN!!!!!"

(*pfft*)

*ding*

(Yeah this video definitely still makes me laugh 😂)

"Alvin! Stop riffing so much and stick to the music!"

Unfair! DeeJay and Eli do heaps of riffing all the time! (And we love them for it, lol)

Also I don't know what the sheet music "says" in terms of the music notes, but I love that it at least appears to be a legit page of sheet music for the song, complete with VoicePlay logo at the top!

"So listen for those nine reindeer!"

Also it's not a visual thing, but given that quite a few reactors didn't seem to notice/realize it, I gotta point out that the sleigh bell/jingle bell sound here is very much done by Layne! Probably with a little bit of post-production effect, but still, very impressive!

"A brand new bottle of hair gel!"

"A bright green dress like ✨Tinkerbell!✨"

*PFFT*

This line is specifically a reference to the fact that they used to perform this song at Disney World, as I mentioned at the start, but this line has also been used in some of their older performances of it too I believe?

Also whenever I sing this song to myself, I literally can NEVER, sing the "bright green dress like Tinkerbell" line, because I always start laughing every time!

"Dooon't be la-ate!"

(I think he really wants that dress you guys 😉😝)

*sigh* He's so pretty and handsome, I love him (look, about 90% of my Voiceplay Visuals posts involve at least one moment of me pointing out how good Geoff looks! I apologise for nothing!)

(Also it took a decent bit of restraint for me to not include even more Geoff screenshots in this just because)

"So put your sleigh in- (so put your sleigh in its top gear!)"

I don't think I've actually noticed this bit before but damn Cesar ain't messing around! He wants presents NOW! 😂

"A tweet from Musk would make me grin!" (heavy grimacing)

I actually checked the lyrics for this song cover on Spotify (back before Spotify made lyrics available only to Premium users, rip), and this line is actually changed for the audio-only version it seems, to "a gift from mom would make me grin", which is fair, because the very faked sincerity of this line wouldn't convey as easily without the visuals.

"Front row seats to Hamilton!"

VoicePlay are no stranger to including references to modern day media stuff in their Christmas Don't Be Late performances, but this is also a not-super-subtle shoutout to the fact that DeeJay was on tour as a cast member in Hamilton! (And still is performing in Hamilton I believe?) He's been playing the role of Aaron Burr I believe? Which is very very impressive, shoutout to DeeJay!

"We can hardly wait!"

(Also hey is that a little Eli Eyebrow Raise I see?)

And I have to give a shoutout to the bridge section of this cover - another Geoff Castellucci original, it's so good! Fits in perfectly, as all his lyrics do! (Original song WHEN?)

"I've been so wonderful!"

I love how the responses of reactors to this moment have been a mix of "aww yes you have Cesar!" and "hmmm I'm not so sure (light-hearted) but I still love you regardless" 😄😁

Get it Cesar! Love the dancing!

Only just noticed Eli has the Hamilton booklet thing shoved in the back pocket of his jeans, lol

Cesar what are you doing? 😆

"Great job, chipmunks! Even you, Alvin! Now let's try it with some helium!"

*pfft*, what a way to end the video honestly

Geoff looks confused, Eli looks uncertain/doubtful (another Eli Eyebrow Raise!), DeeJay looks like he's either down for it or hasn't fully processed it, and Cesar looks HORRIFIED XD

(Also what would Geoff even sound like on helium when singing bass? Normal? /j 😂)

So that's Christmas Don't Be Late! VoicePlay turned a song that's really quite short, slow, and overall fairly forgettable, into an absolute bop and banger, and the video is super fun as well. Like seriously, this is one song that no one else has done or will do in the same way that VoicePlay has, and that's a big part of what I love about it! Until next time!

[moonlightflower-queen]

Welcome to the post where i ramble about my fan design of Macaria for Hades game because i like rambling and you clicked on the link so you did this to yourself.

Anyway i did some research first, not very in depth mind you because my brainrot goes deep but not deep enough to look for primary sources. My source is wikipedia. There's a daughter of Heracles who has the same name so i decided to take some stuff from her story and make this Macaria the goddess of blessed death and sacrifice (also so she doesen't overlap with Thanatos too much.)

Then i sketched her traditionally. I'm not good at letting loose when drawing digitally.

I wanted her to look really demure, kinda tired so it makes her look gentler. I imagine she's not very independent yet and is kind of a doormat. I wanted her to have a very different body type than her siblings. She is considerably taller than both of them (still mortal sized but a really tall mortal) and is very thin (kinda like Chronos but nobody will tell her that). I imagine she doesen't like fighting and works in the house of Hades. Does a lot of paperwork too, lol. She grew up in a more peaceful time unlike Mel so she wasn't trained to be a killing machine. She doesen't like to do it anyway unlike Zagreus. She can use her claws to tear people apart, she just rather not.

Then i decided to design her face first.

I played around while keeping her parents appearance in mind. I decided to make her a witch too (I like putting moons on the characters i design and no one can make me stop) and gave her dove imagery for the whole sacrifice thing. I considered giving her Demeter's hair color and experimented with wacky anime genetics too. I first wanted to give her Persephone's face structure similar to her siblings but then decided i really liked design number 3 where she has a cleft chin and bent nose like Hades does.

The lighter hair color Demeter has didn't work for the color scheme i had in mind. It ended up being too light and the light streaks made the upper part of her design too complicated so i decided not to. As someone pointed out, the Olympian gods don't wear pants but Chthonic gods do. It's a design decision that emphasizes the cultural difference between them so i gave her pants. Also my shorthand for shy character in character design is having them show very little skin.

At this point i was hitting my heads on walls since i didn't want her to look too similar to Thanatos. That was why i gave her the sacrifice symbolism in the first place, so i'd have more imagery to work with. I still think they have a lot of similar elements and don't like that but i also spent too much time on a fan character design already and didn't want to spend more. It's okay for them to have design affinity right, they are both gods of death?? (I'm coping can you tell)

I decided her main color would be white and she'd have a lot of accent colors pointing to her family (Red for Zag, orange for Mel, Green for Persephone and the sigil of the dead for Hades), to symbolize she isn't very independent. I decided to give her talons because bird and because i thought blessing someone in death would require her to be much more emotionally involved, so a weapon that required her to get close and touch mortals to claim their souls seemed logical. The lantern is there because light and blessings seemed similar to me. (I almost modeled her lantern in Blender because i'm horrible at drawing objects but stopped myself at the last second.)

I didn't design her as a main character of a Hades game. I imagine she'd be a helper Npc probably. Like she'd give you a ''blessing'' for your next run when you die. If i turned in this design as a main character of a game where the mc needs to run around, use 6 different weapons and dodge many projectiles and attacks the animators would put my head on a pike. There's a reason boss characters in hades wear clothing with not much to animate. (Hecate takes her hat and skirt off when you fight her even) A design like this would be horrible for clarity in a game where your character model is tiny.

I wanted to give her a shawl around her arms for an unique silhouette. but it made her design too busy. So feather cloak it was.

Anyway this much rambling was enough. I really need to draw my webcomic because i want to launch in August and i want more buffer but i don't think that's happening considering the severity of my brainrot. Uuuh thank you for reading!

[suga-kookiemonster]

Sometimes I see people being curious about the dishwasher shitter and let me tell you how I found out it was a person shitting in a dishwasher:

English is not my first nor second language, it is in fact the third, so when I read sometimes my head goes blank on a few words. For example: the phrase "who shit in the dishwasher?!" In my head I read "who shit in the rhjdndbhrnrbbrhdn?!" Because it's easier or whatever (and they're not very common in my country), sometimes that happens with names, it's very convenient when reading stories, specially smut, because I associate the character without caring about the names and I detach from hurtful plots.

So, I was rereading Ego last year and let me tell you, for some reason I processed for the first time that it was in fact a dishwasher and became extremely disgusted I was immediately on Joon's side, not that I wasn't before, I just saw the disgust for the first time😅😅for some reason my head pictured a washing machine and somehow that was less disgusting because how do you clean that shit? I would never use it again if I lived there and wouldn't associate with anyone that lived there as well because what if there's still poop there? How is it possible to disinfect and trust the process like that?

That being said, it had to be one of them that's fucking with Joon or all of them are in on it so no one snitches when they see because there's no way no one caught the person in the act.

I think I never saw you answer this before, but I didn't follow you when you started posting Ego, what prompted the fic to be written? I think there are a few fics that came from specific pictures of Tae, but I was curious to know what prompted the baby angel Kookie to grace us with his exhibitionist ass🥺

Anyway, I'm waiting patiently for Kook's new fic💕💕💕💕💕

first of all, you are the coolest for speaking 3 languages 😮‍💨 i am in AWE!!💕 secondly, your commentary is hilarious and it never crossed my mind when i was writing the fic that dishwashers aren't necessarily a universal thing 🤣 though fraternities are distinctly american, so i guess that would automatically set the lens the fic is read through. in any case, thank you for validating ego!joon, though i think we all are definitely on his side on that topic 😂😂

to answer your question on why i originally wrote the fic, ego was the first bts fic i ever wrote, and i started it right around the time i first found bangtan in 2017 and my obsession with the group was going full force LOL. i've been in fandom spaces for most of my life, and once i have a new obsession, my first task always seems to be to check out the fanfic and see what's up. i read a number of fics i loved and some others that weren't my cup of tea, but what really made me want to join in was that nearly all of the second-person writing (which i had never seen done before in fanfiction) was obviously written from the perspective of a white person. i, as you know, am not white, and there were only so many times i could read about "my" face flushing red and running my hands through "my" hair before i started to wonder if this new fandom i had found actually wasn't very happy about me (or others who look like me) interacting with the content. so, i simply said fuck it and decided to write my own "reader-insert" fic that i could actually insert myself into!

at the time, i was intrigued by irl jungkook's duality--he's such a shy sweetheart, but he certainly knew how to burn up the stage! and this idea floated into my mind where you accidentally walk in on sweet, shy jungkookie railing another girl, and though he sees you watching, he doesn't stop. so, that scene in the first chapter was the genesis for the fic, and everything else spiraled from there! the characters kinda created themselves as i wrote them, and though i obviously had a broad outline of the fic before i started writing it, a lot of the shenanigans popped up while i wrote each chapter. it was a lot of fun! haha

anyways, thank you so much for asking 💜 i can't believe it's been that long since i started writing ego, and that certainly took me back 🥹💕 i appreciate you, and thanks for looking forward to my next fic!

[leggyre]

hi all! sorry, this is going to be a bit of a sad post.

I just want to share that Nano passed away today. He was a very old bun at 9 years old and we just couldn't keep it up with his increasingly difficult health issues.

As of right now, I'm not asking for consolation or any words of comfort. It's the first time I'm dealing with a loss of this scale, of something I've loved so dearly for so long, that I'll never get back.

I'm still coming to terms about how I feel about it. There were so many times I felt like meeting him was fate. And to be honest, I still do. I set out to adopt a classic white bunny(because honestly that's the only color I had ever seen in the place before) but between all the sleepy or hungry babies there was a little black mischievous boy hoping around and approaching people who gave my finger little kisses and I just couldn't leave him there. We didn't have any boxes or cages to carry him in so he got to pee on my lap on the way home lol

The first time he licked me after that day, something I thought would take ages to happen after lengthy Bunny Research(tm) telling me so, was maybe within a few days or a week, but what made the moment as special as it was for me was the fact I was sitting on the ground, having a breakdown, crying my eyes out. I have a really hard time using the word love to others because I'm never sure of my feelings and I don't want to say it without meaning, but from then on I had never been so sure about how much I loved him.

I have a lot of other stories like that. He helped me learn a lot about myself. He gave me company at my worst. I missed him so much when I had to stop allowing him on the bed to take a nap with me because one day he just decided peeing there was okay. I laid down on the floor on the most uncomfortable positions for the longest time because he had fallen asleep in my arms. I did that this morning, after I was told he might not make it when we went to see the vet today. It didn't even feel like anything was wrong, really. I kinda thought maybe we shouldn't go and I could keep doing that tomorrow. And the day after. And the next. But every time he woke up and shuffled around it was so easy for me to tell he was uncomfortable, trying to find a way to lay down in a way that would ease the pain. He didn't look any different to most people, but I memorized every single kind of motion he ever did.

And it's funny to think that he knew me the same way. He knew exactly what me shutting off the computer sounded like and that it was the perfect time to beg for snacks and attention. He knew when I was hiding something for him. He knew exactly where I walked so he could leave the god damned piss traps in the way when he was mad at me. He knew that if he kept poking his nose out the fence long enough I'd come back eventually to pet him more even if I had already walked all the way to my bed and laid down. And he knew that he could come to me for comfort whenever he felt scared or in pain. He trusted me so much and that meant the world to me.

Just to add one weird, maybe funny thing that's gonna keep me pondering forever; one day, years ago, I wished that I could be the one to take any pain he'd ever feel. Since then, I kind of took note that we'd have our sickest days together, and often in similar ways. It's most likely confirmation bias, but I do like to think I did manage to take some of his pain from him.

Well. My plan was just to share the news and go on with my day. Think about stuff. Couldn't keep from writing this much, though, so I just decided to let it all out anyway.

Again, I don't want any comfort. I will always love him, the things he taught me, and the memories I'm blessed with. I will be okay.

I want the thought of him to keep bringing joy into my life, because that's the thing he's always been the best at. The second best was destroying specifically videogame related cables.

heres some shenanigans to brighten up the mood :]

and here's a cute pic from years ago as well 🐇💞

[ri-writes-if]

Chapter 2 just solidified my love for Ash even more, already thinking up a marriage proposal for them, gotta make it as grand as their existence 😔

Also Az is such a damn riot and I love them so much for that, the banter with them and Os had me cackling so much (If given the chance I think Os would have strangled them for being so chatty 😭), Os seems like someone I’d like to further know (and partially because their comments to Az is funny to me) and perhaps we’ll see more of them during the party (and hopefully nothing happens if MC’s so called “friends” are there….)

And Laz is such a cutie like 🥰, don’t worry Laz, your painting skills are top tier I bet! Love how they’re just there saying their paintings aren’t all that good but I remember hearing a certain well known painter praising that art of yours, Laz 👀

And the way Az mentioned Ezer n Os’ clan dynamic but does say Vez’s name…👀. Kinda curious about that now cause out of all of them Vez’s perhaps the one I know least and that’s my fault for always choosing Ash’s options, probably, or the fact they’re meant to be as distant as that?? I don’t know but either way I love them just as much as the rest of the ROs

And the talks of this “her” has caught my attention and I can’t wait for more information to come out about MC’s situation and the fact none of the shadows have ever spoken to the MC unless they speak the them until this very moment?? Something is about to happen and I don’t think the MC can ever fully escape what’s to come

Forgive me for the word vomit but the newest chapter has awakened me in ways I don’t know and I’m going feral over it, maybe, possibly. I’ll end this by saying I’m absolutely in love with the way you write and the details?? Everything you write is so beautiful and so clearly written if that makes any sense? Anyway I hope you have a good day and to take care of yourself 🙏🏼

Thank you a lot for such a lovely message. You made me smile so wide!! I love this word vomit very much 💛 I'll go over it in more detail because who can stop me

I'm happy you love Ash! I was worried they might become the least favorite of sorts because of their rather reserved personality. They were the first character I created for this story, so they hold a special place in my heart, and it's good to see that they have their lovers 💛

I'm glad you enjoyed Os & Az banter. I had a lot of fun writing their interaction during that scene, especially because none of this was planned, they just took control over the conversation, lol

Laz is a cutie? I see you've fallen for their charm 😔 And yep, you're right. Vez is supposed to come as distant. There's a hint in one of their branches that they might have a lot on their mind right now, considering the news the MC brought them, hehe 🤭

You'll definitely learn more about the shadows and the Palace in the future. And "her". I'm excited to tell more about the mess the MC is in! They think they have it bad, but it's about to become so much worse.

Thank you again for your detailed comment and for mentioning my writing style. English isn't my first language, so I second guess myself a lot. It's nice to hear someone likes how I write. I hope you have a good day too! 💛

[elizaditton]

TSTBA And Life Update

Hey everyone, I thought I'd give an update on what's going on with me and on my progress with Too Small To Be Afraid. TL;DR at the bottom for those who just want the quick deets.

I've been struggling to work on the story since the start of the summer, mainly because I got a "real" job (as part of the IT department at a local high school). Despite the fact that it's only 17.5 hours a week (3.5 hours every weekday), it was a lot more than what I was used to (which was literally doing nothing except for volunteering at various places maybe one to three times a week), and it took me a really, really long time to adjust to that mentally. I would come home dead tired and just... not feel like writing. Or doing anything at all. Sometimes I'd come home at 3:00 pm and proceed to take The World's Longest Nap™ only to wake up when it was time to go to bed anyway. Part of this, I realize, is probably the result of an undiagnosed sleeping disorder of some kind (my psychiatrist says maybe sleep apnea) mixed with ADHD telling my brain to Not Work™. But yeah, this has been a major contributing factor in my lack of writing time recently. And on top of that, I got another job working for my church on Sundays as a Production Assistant, which has so far been awesome, but it means I'm also exhausted on weekends. Not only am I working 7 hours on Sunday (setup + rehearsal + service + do all that again for the second service), but I'm also waking up at 4:30 am now at the very latest on Sundays depending on what campus I'm working at. And on top of all that, I'm still working occasionally for my old boss one Saturday out of every month until he wants me to start coming in more frequently. So all in all, I'm pretty much working every day but Saturday, except for when I'm also working on Saturday. And I do enjoy working all of these jobs, it's just that I've been struggling to adjust to working so much and how to balance that with my hobbies and my home and family life. So there's been little time for writing these past few months.

The writing club I was a part of also lowkey disbanded as we haven't been meeting for several months. (Hi if any of you are reading this, I miss you guys lol.) Before we stopped meeting, I was pumping out a new chapter at least every two weeks, and it was amazing! I was part of a group that encouraged each other to write and on top of that even edited/critiqued each other's writing. I really do miss it. The group always got me so motivated to write during the week and to write during our meetings, and I haven't felt that same joy about writing since we stopped meeting. I'm thinking I'll start another writing group, either online or at my church. Leaning towards at my church since I need in-person contact with people, but idk hit me up if you're interested in an online writer's group??? Or being a beta reader???

Lastly, something that's actually related to the story itself. The plot. Hoooooooo boy the plot. The plot is... a thing that exists. There's things I want to tie into the story that I want to be a big deal, but I'm not sure if I introduced enough elements beforehand for things to make sense if I go the route I want? Then there's the fact that I look back at the first few chapters and sort of cringe, thinking of all the things I'd change if I would let myself have at it before the first draft is done. But yeah. Things are... going. I've been very, VERY slowly but surely working on fixing up things in my outline so I know where I'm going, but yeah, all the aforementioned has kinda made it hard to actually write.

So that's where I've been. So where do we go from here?

For one thing, I'm at least somewhat confident that chapter 18 WILL come out in the next few weeks, before the end of the month. It's going to be a long one, and I hope it's worth the wait.

I previously had a goal of finishing my first draft by the end of the year, but if I'm honest, I'm thinking I won't get there until at least the spring of 2025. And then, of course, after that comes editing, revising, rewriting, and so on. I'll likely be writing at least a second draft before I even think about printing.

But can you expect me to update more regularly from now on? To be honest, I have no idea. All I know is that this book is still my dream, and I haven't given up on it yet. As long as this fire continues to burn within me, I'm going to continue to write. As long as it takes. Until it's done. But maybe starting another writing club would help hold me accountable for regular updates, ha ha.

Thank you all for your unwavering support as I've gone through this journey. Whenever I see someone's been enjoying this story, it fills me with so much joy, you don't understand. I hold every little comment close to my heart.

Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you soon with an update to the story!

TL;DR: I suddenly acquired three jobs and am very tired all the time. This combined with no accountability after my writing club lowkey disbanded has made writing difficult. I'm still writing, slowly but surely. Expect a new (and long) chapter this month for sure. Hmu if interested in starting a writing club/being a beta reader btw

[bleue-flora]

The second death wasnt rlly dying a hero either since c!dream and c!tommy were in an equal duel done by c!tommys own terms. It was during war. Giving the discs away for independence was heroism even though he provoked c!dream again in railway war, he explains throughout it that he was doing it to fight for lmanberg. (I dont get it either but that was his pov sorry i dont have the timestamp on hand) I don't consider the death in prison as him dying a hero at all as it wasnt protecting anyone. But I consider the death in finale as dying a hero especially the idea of going into danger with the goal of protecting the server since from his view c!staged duo were evil and he was told about their supposed plan to kill everyone even tho the plan was most likely a lie. However c!Tommy also isn't a hero at the same time because he's the one that caused the nuke to happen along with c!tubbo and accidentally doomed the whole server. But the nuke didn't kill anyone anyway, dreamxd transported everyone.

[context here & here]

Well I wasn’t really talking about whether Tommy’s other deaths were heroic or not, just whether his death in the finale fulfilled that “dying a hero” from the previous stream. Not sure if cc!Tommy meant that or not, but if we were to see it as such it’s an interesting story element.

The question I was having though, was whether we can say it does qualify as “dying a hero”. Or even further if it does because he is trying to stop staged duo and sacrificing his life for the rest of the server by keeping them there. Does that make it a different death than “self-sacrifice” because it seems very much almost the same to me? There is also the point to be made that does his premature death count as the selfless “dying a hero” since its before the nuke hits and he’s supposed to be stalling. Or because the whole point he’s there to begin with is heroic therefore he is “dying a hero”?…

As an aside, just some lore notes because I can’t help myself…

I’ve said this before but I think that since Tommy fully intended to take back his discs immediately after the L’manberg war [clip], it kinda under cuts his heroism. He doesn’t really give up his discs, because he’s not handing them over for Dream to keep permanently - something he actually does in the finale which actually rounds out his character arc nicely, by having him actually doing the heroic thing…

I am pretty sure the lore isn’t that everyone is teleported away by XD, but that everyone does die in the finale whether because of the Egg, nuke, or fight in the End (or Mumza takes/saves them) and then XD resets the world. Or perhaps because of all the death with the Egg and nuke, XD gains enough power to reset the world to stop the people from killing him in the End. Either way I’m pretty sure the nuke does happen and they do die but then are immediately reset or something.

Technically Jack sent the other nuke and it was him and Tubbo that fired the nukes so, really they are to blame lol. But anyways, I think whether or not clingy duo’s nuke plan was doomed from the start or whether or not staged duo were planning on killing everyone in the first place, doesn’t really matter or take away from the fact that Tommy was technically being heroic by facing Punz and Dream (the man who haunts his nightmares) to keep them there, knowing he’d die along with them, in order to protect everyone from being murdered….

And yet, still does that mean his pre-nuke death counts as heroism, fulfilling that earlier fate (making it some damn good story telling) - showing us what that Limbo is, or if because it’s too early and the circumstances are more specific around their conversation than the nukes, it doesn’t count?… a good argument for both sides I think. I wonder though whether cc!Tommy planned on that death being like the mirror of the saw trap or not…