#but like. it's been seventy years
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okay but consider the idea that edwin actually had an incredibly normal family, like they weren't perfect but edwin's parents genuinely loved and cared for him and he had a good relationship with his siblings
but like. edwin spends so long in hell and in such an awfully traumatic and violent place that he kind of forgets that? like, the good memories he had with his family eventually fade away in the face of all the tortures of hell, and he only remembers the bad things, and he convinces himself that his teenage insecurities about not being good enough for his father and being hated by his mother and being ignored by his siblings were actually all just true and well. he's in hell. the entire point of that place is to make you feel worse about yourself.
and when he finally makes it out, it's not like there's any way to fix that anymore. his family loved him but they're all dead now. edwin barely remembers them, and what he remembers are only the bad parts. the school called his disappearance an act of god and he assumes his family also thought the same. and there's nothing left to mourn, so edwin doesn't and he just moves on and buries all that pain and trauma and absolutely does not deal with it.
#ara rambles#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#idk if i'm making sense#but like. i cannot stop thinking about that seventy years of separation from edwin and his entire world#and like. you know. his death was considered an act of god but never solved.#but like. it's been seventy years#it doesn't necessarily mean no one cared it just means no one recorded that care#and edwin is only getting glimpses of shadows of what happened after he died from like newspaper clippings#he doesn't get the chance to figure out if he was loved or not#he just gets to assume he wasn't because records *are* cold and impersonal#and idk that's just sad#like what if you were actually desperately loved but it still wasn't enough to save you and you still had to save yourself
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kind of hilarious how Armand's favorite method of bonding with people he loves or even just kind of incidentally crosses orbits with is to make them replay his own fucked-up experiences. hi stepdaughter would you like to get objectified and exploited before your inevitable demise. hi husband would you like to lose your memories and lose your loved ones to fire and get trapped in the dark. hi ex-boyfriend would you like to watch your family burn alive. hi pet journalist would you like to have your mind wiped and writhe like a split fish around the damage. hi this is fun this is sooo fun. i could not prevent it. disregard. this worked out great in the sims trust me. armand is an unstable concept that never really existed but with your help we can all be armand i.e. dead fucking wrecks.
#literally what can you do. how do you punish him.#can you think of something that the children of darkness couldn't do or marius didn't do or the brothel didn't do or his own head didn't do#put him in a dysfunctional marriage for seventy years. put him out of that marriage and on his own like he's never really been before.#put him in a blender. he'd love that#he kind of deserves the electric chair but also he can't die.#armand#arun amadeo armand#interview with the vampire#loumand#claumand#devil's minion#lesmand
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…Toby had the distinct sensation that this being here, in this place, was exactly where he needed to be. This endless summer of many years, under the starry blue dome, with the man he cared for more than anything.
transcript:
TOBY: Forgot what the sky looked like out here. EDDIE: Yeah…me too.
#sims 4#lucky legacy#llgen6#toby lucky#eddie whiteduck#if you look to the right you will see: A Parallel#if you look to the left you will see: me shitting crying n throwing up#like you don’t understand - I’ve been waiting to post this for seventy five calendar YEARS
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In the time briefly before his death Edwin met a supernatural entity. It terrified him before dragging him to Hell on a technicality.
In the time briefly before Charles' death he met a supernatural entity. And Edwin, being on the other side of things, made an effort to bring as much comfort and as little fear to the process as possible.
#Dead Boy Detectives#It just gets me#Edwin had ALL the reason to be a massive dick at this point#Not to Charles but#He'd been kidnapped‚ sacrificed‚ and then spent seventy years in Hell while his death was ruled an act of God#Lashing out would almost be expected#And yet he made the effort to give some light to a kid who couldn't even see him#And when he could see him and Edwin understood the implication‚ he did everythinig he could to make sure Charles' death was nothing like hi#Even if it risked him crossing paths with Death and going back to Hell
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When Huntress met the Anarcha-Feminist of Gotham
and also realised the real value of taking a stand.
Huntress: Year One my beloved
#maddison’s dramatic ironic is chef’s kiss:#“how many years have you been chasing each other?” “i’m sure it’s only been two or three but it feels like SEVENTY”#helena bertinelli#huntress#selina kyle#catwoman#ivory maddison#the huntress#huntress: year one#batgirl#dc comics#bat family#batman#batfam#comics
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chapter one word count = 34k, chapter two word count = 36k
that means finally, 70k word count in total 🫡
#SEVENTY KAY!!! WE REACHED IT!!!!!!#am I eventually gonna reach the point where my word doc starts lagging lol#still working hard... still doing it.........#we'll get there..... eventually#feeling really good about what I'm currently writing tho!! I have the confidence I need to succeed!!!!!#sorry I'm so slow... I feel really bad for how long this has taken...#I started this fic in january so a month from now and it'll be an entire year that I've been writing it#I've enjoyed writing it but I'm often not sure how to feel about the thing as a whole#but it was good for me to push myself to write something like this haha#I've learned a lot already#once I finish it's gonna feel so relieving lol#aki sex soon I swear by it
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#toronto maple leafs#HELLO EVERYBODY THIS HAS BEEN MONTHS!!! MONTHS IN THE MAKING BECAUSE i AM UNHINGED AND NEEDED THE PRECISE PICTURES THAT I KNEW I WOULD GET#like. seventy five percent of this has been done since the first time i posted this and while it has gotten better with time because#my narratives simply got more complex and there's so much of this that is For Me but don't worry i will explain but aLSO goddamn mitch coul#you have gotten married any later in the year. also willy you truly disappointed me by not getting an absurd haircut this year (now that#i've said this he's going to debut it on instagram like. tomorrow. but anyway that meant y'all got to enjoy my neuroses of#Loving Tyler Bertuzzi who is a goddamn leaf. the joys of having to wait to post this (was not a leaf at the time i started it) and anyway i#have at length i think had the breakdown about tyler in pigtails girl dad & how i got a bob & then tyler copied me which was rude. that's m#gender. ANYWAY starting from the top we got sheldon keefe documentation which was really just the personal decision that i wanted all the#coaching staff to be the markers in the poem/the bold & also at the TIME keefe hadn't re-signed &we thought it might be everybody out w/kyl#anyway the title of the scrap of an old lover's flannel is literally 'u think this is about sheldon & kyle NO it's about timothy liljegren'#bc. liljegren was on the marlies winning cup team & has had a contentious relationship w/keefe ever since & was healthy scratched in playof#& the narrative is sooooo. also at one point for the ryan o'reilly i was going to edit the stlb out of his grandma's shirt or cover it w/th#childhood dreams line but THEN i found the gio snapped stick one which was too perfect for 'crumbling copy' the ryan o'reilly To Me is so.#ur insane in ways u did not think for that one. like. how soft her hands were. his grandma you guys. he grew up a leafs fan. if he ever get#to lift the cup with her again i will lose my shit. the cup run a movie i remember nothing--OKAY the spezz one i knew i needed him stresse#but also i believe in the spezz/kyle narrative so. it comes up later don't worry ALSO SPEZZ FOLLOWING HIM TO PITT CAME AFTER I MADE THIS bu#the muzz tea one makes me a little sensy bc muzz was out with an injury for most of this season & it was a really scary spinal one & so yea#& then the simmer one just straight up makes me cry bc i love him so much & the work that he does for anti-racism in hockey means so much &#if you have that video open & watch it i promise you will cry i do every time it's so beautiful he had to be on comforted by beauty & sammy#boy is on the a man who doesn't know me because EYE remember the caps goalie tandems. baby lilya. the mo one is a little funny bc it is#solely due to wade's thread about mo rielly the coal miner homestead husband. that's why he moves to omaha also i think it suits him (quiet#OK NOW OLD MEN IN LOVE NARRATIVE this one's in contention for my fave bc it's spezz coping w/retirement fundamental meaningless of existenc#u heard abt tyler already that's for me the minchy picture was just too good i had found it earlier & i spent SO LONG looking for an empty#leafs rink picture for bathtub i have some cool construction photos but i wanted the melting ice ones (thought about tahoe lol) & the sprin#one i manip'd a lot bc i needed a spring picture bc playoffs clinch in spring & that one fit so coincidentally perfect bc it's 7 straight#seasons 7 guys so. :) & i KNEW i swore to god they did more milk advertising i knew i was gonna do this one from the minute i saw the poem#the milk patch & it took a hot minute BUT I FOUND THIS ONE this one's for funsies. AND THE PIC I WAITED SO FUCKING LONG FOR this is actuall#from kerf's wedding but i was like i know on god mitch is getting married this summer & that's about to be the drunkest shenanigans wedding#i'm waiting for the pics. & then i was BLESSED with this one which is beautiful & perfect & LOOK AT THEM. anyway the last one is bc
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sorry im not lolita blogging a whole lot bc i know its somewhat uncomfortable to talk about unless youre going into it deliberately but the experience of reading it versus seeing how its been distorted over that past nearly seventy years will make you lose your mind with anger
#since ive been working it very slowly over the course of several months now whenever i get the 'what are you reading' question its like.#do i want to answer honestly. its a good book. but its got too many implications and misinterpretations to get into in this small talk.#HH: its as if im sitting with the ghost of someone i killed. what i possessed was not she but my own creation. a simulacrum of romance.#everyone for seventy years after: idk maybe it is a love story
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people talk about pumped up kicks as the premiere "school shooting song that is really catchy" but they're fools because i don't like mondays by the boomtown rats is right there and has been for nearly fifty years.
#personal#first of all it does give 'if i had a nickel for every time an insanely catchy and upbeat sounding song about a school shooting came out'#'i'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird it's happened twice' because yeah foster the people and boomtown rats both doing it#that's a coincidence#(tho i think pumped up kicks is more speculative whereas i don't like mondays is literally about the cleveland elementary shooting)#but second of all that song is so good i listen to it more than i should considering the subject matter#and for anyone wondering 'hey amelie you were born in 1999 why are you so into songs from the seventies and eighties?'#my father was the parent responsible for driving me around to school and various weekend activities and he was born in 1962#my music tastes have been so indelibly marked by his old white guy from wisconsin vibes#you wanna know my first exposure to the karate kid? wasn't from that gay netflix show#it was because he played 'young hearts' by commuter a lot and i REALLY loved that song when i was ten#and it happened to be in the soundtrack of the movie#and yes you did hear me right at ten years old one of my alltime favorite songs was one that came out in 1984#from what appears to be an incredibly obscure band
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not to be dramatic about it but the way esme falling in love with jack and trusting jack lead to her helping him set christophe and borya free. who will later murder her grandfather. setting her on her path to revenge. how it was all because she trusted and loved this boy everyone said she shouldn't trust and love.
#ALL THOSE YEARS#where she didn't know jack had been betrayed too. and she thought he was in on it the whole time#the guilt she felt. it shattered her. LITERALLY heart into a million jagged pieces and so so hard to trust anyone and love anyone#✘; i have seventy two exams and i have not studied for one ( ooc )#even though she knows. logically. that it wasn't jack's fault and it wasn't *really* her fault#( jack could have gotten the money from somewhere. he's resourceful and relatively good at stealing money )#but like. she played such a massive part in it.#betrayal is so normal so so normal among pirates but when you don't MEAN to ?#the only relationships she had with men that were good and loving and safe and both of them ruined by one night and one action
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strongly considering changing my whole theme on mobile
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there’s some really bad wildfire smoke here and I’ve finally figured out that’s why I’ve been feeling off today lol
#I sound like I’ve been chainsmoking for the past seventy years#can’t believe I was like ‘oh wow I sure am sleepy! what strange fog btw’ all day lmao#whimsical.txt
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problem im not equipped to handle socially: neighbor i barely know keeps texting me asking me to go to a rodeo or come over and visit (as in, neighbor would come to MY house) and while i have nothing against this neighbor i also have no interest in hanging out. but i dont know how to SAY no i dont want to hang out with you sorry without being rude. so i just keep ignoring the texts and the neighbor keeps texting and i know that's the wrong way to do it but if i text the neighbor then they will REPLY and i will have to carry on a conversation with them
#the neighbors in question are a seventy year old lady and her adopted son age thirtyish mildly special needs#and like i said i dont have anything against them i am JUST not either a rodeo person OR a 'visiting in my house' person#with neighbors who (albeit very nice) i dont know and am not super invested in getting to know#he helped me out once when i needed my driveway plowed out last winter. and ive shared crochet patterns with her#so we have like. a nice favor-give-and-take relationship. but that's all the farther i'd like it to go#and it's been a VERY long week and i just dont want to text the neighbor i just DON'T
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being an old woman in this society must be so scary
#my grandma died when she was 91 and I was 12#I watched my mom care for her in her last years of life#I watched her decline and lose her memory and mobility and autonomy#and now my other grandma’s getting there and im much more involved in her care#and it’s just like. I see how much trouble she has with doctors listening to her#people don’t take her as seriously#they talk down to her and answer questions for her#and I’ve always known her to be so fiercely independent and private#I mean she was a single mom in the seventies and has lived alone basically her whole life#and now as hard as she tries she can’t do a lot of basic tasks#she forgets things and is in pain and I can see how much it frustrates her#she’s as smart and passionate as she’s always been but so aware of her age#and so distrusting of people but at the same time too trusting#and it’s just this thin thin line to walk where I want to help in any way I can but I never want to take her autonomy#I don’t think I ever want to be in that position. it’s just so scary#god okay#I really have to get to sleep#valkyrie talks
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I was referring to the 75 years of genocide.
Because seriously why did that even happen.
It's been 55 days and 75 years
#like. ok. i know the story STARTS as “the british tell jews that palestine is theirs but then zionists happen”#like seriously the whole 1948 nakba seems to have started just because Someone Wanted To Do That#i know im missing something but its been over 100 days of genocide#a genocide that technically has been going on for#SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS#seriously i genuinely dont understand whats the fucking point here- “zionism has always been colonialism” ok. that i get#EVERYTHING ELSE THO-
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cannot relate to people liking things in fic that they wouldn't actually like in canon like most of what i like in fic is to FIX things from canon or sometimes to explore different things between AUs and canon divergence but like. no i don't want to see my favorite character die. no i don't want to see a healthy relationship turned into abuse. do you i guess but like sure i love angst in fic but i want it to work out in the end and i do want the angst to be like. believable and make sense instead of nonsense that doesn't fit with the characters/dynamics
#people are like just because i wouldn't want it to happen doesn't mean i can't enjoy it#like sure but idk i used to be like that and now i'm just like#holy shit no even stuff that is objectively well written i just. don't want that for fic#see like: i can enjoy fic that explores the things bucky experienced for seventy years#but say having him be taken again and tortured etc i'm like THIS ALREADY HAPPENED#you can make up what happened because obvs we've only gotten mere snippets of seventy years of shit#but i do not care for fic making it happen AGAIN after he's already broken free and gotten his life back#the only recent exception was i did still like that cheating fic#in part because while i would prefer someone not stay with a cheater because i think that's unforgivable#there at least were consequences (and it was an au i wouldn't have liked it in an ~irl~ fic#which i'm sure there are plenty of those too lol but it's not my jam)#and they actually had to work and struggle through forgiveness and all#but yeah just. ugh. some things are shit#people can write them people can read them but for me it's like#i want fic to be the same or better than canon skjdfkjskj#and so much of the time i read stuff like this could've just been an original story because this has zero connection to canon whatsoever
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