#but like. i cannot emphasize enough that all of this was done by the seat of my pants.

[moe-broey]

ALSO. ALSO. I WANNA SHOW. BEHIND THE SCENES!!!

Mostly because my process feels convoluted/unhinged LMFAO..... like........... is this really the best way to do it. I have No Clue.

Stage 1: Notes

Fairly straightforward? Picking apart each line of Sharena's official dialogue, lining it up with Moe's reactions. Numbered, to make that easier, but also to help w panel placement later (maybe. That was the intention. Wasn't sure how that was gonna work at the time). Plus, a page expanding on what's going on in Moe's head/how it is, as a character -- and how that does cause a bit of conflict here.

Stage 2: uhhhhh. Images.

Sometimes I have a really clear idea of how a comic will look, other times. This happens. I esp ended up dissatisfied with my first attempt at page 1, feeling like the focus/focal points/build ups were in the wrong place. I was also extremely intentional with the panelling, itself, here -- studying how Dungeon Meshi paneling is, how it manages to convey a lot of information in a small space with a really nice flow, I feel.

When something isn't working, I just. Cut that shit up. And rearrange it. Until I get Something Else. It feels goofy, but I've found it has really good results!

As a side note: Page 2 did not give me NEARLY as much difficulty LMFAOOO

Just some roughs, and slotting two pages together like puzzle pieces 👍

STAGE 3: LIGHTBOX

I've found the best way to use a lightbox is to trace as roughly as possible, bare minimum, and use that as an outline. If you trace too closely, your linework looks real stiff (another issue I think I ran into my first attempt at page 1).

How it looks all filled in! And a comparison to the choppy rough page LMFAO

Stage 4: Draw the rest of the tiger, essentially. You're well on your way to having Something. Godspeed and good luck 🫡

I'll leave you with this! A line up of all my notes/drafts/concept pages!

Like....... is this really necessary............ for a two page comic.................. come on.

[applestorms]

i love near so goddamn much. i finally read the c-kira and a-kira post-canon one shots all the way through last night and AAAAAAAAA my heart. nate river 🫵🫵🫵

c-kira in particular hits me hard bc you can really see that he's still reeling from the events of the main story. it’s a very specific era of near that’s so horribly awkward and insecure about his place in the world, about his role as L, and has so very few people left behind to support him-- really just lidner, rester, and gevanni. so much of that story is about near struggling to figure out who he is and who he wants to be in the wake of Everything, scrambling around in the shadows of all these false gods and blown up egos, trying to grow up and be a Person in the smoking remains of all these people who killed themselves with their own hubris. i mean, just look at this page:

LOOK AT THIS. near is almost shockingly expressive in this story, his grief and regret is fucking Palpable in a way that you very rarely see with a guy like him. it really gets to me that this is the story where near actually opens up about his mixed feelings surrounding the original L, about the interview he held where he picked near & mello out to be his two successors, and all while hiding himself within these massive card towers that you only see to be these giant L's at the end-- a kid barely out of his teens already getting dwarfed by the enormity of the history he is expected to continue and represent. the winner of the game who's only prize is the legacy he now holds on his shoulders, the grief he is cursed with as the only one left behind. this kid barely has anyone now, never even got the chance to truly, fully know what he lost in the first place, these all-powerful figures that have dictated every inch of his life from the moment he stepped foot in that damn house.

and i mean, goodness. what did we expect? i can talk all i want about the cinematic parallels of light & L as opposites, but look at near & mello in literally every piece of official art-- near truly loses his other half when mello dies, and you can just Feel the discomfort, the deep-seated, underlying imbalance in his soul through this shit.

a-kira near, on the other hand, has had the time to grow a bit more at ease with himself, but he still gets to me in a slightly different way. i cannot emphasize enough how utterly fucking perfect the decision to make his hair longer is-- for so simple of a detail, it really sums up so much about his character. this version of an older near feels like a guy who's been stuck outside of time for ages, barely even noticing the constant shifts of the outer world as he holes himself up in his room, hardly aware of the way that his own body stretches and grows and changes with each passing day. doing his job, all just for a bit of entertainment. there is still that distinctly privileged, childish part of him that hides in his forts of toys and makes whatever demands he pleases, but it's more smoothed over, more exhausted, more Done.

he's packed away the grief by this point. dealt with it properly? not necessarily. but the wound isn't as raw now so he can set it aside to be ignored or looked over more easily, focus on the things that he wants to. blow up his toys when they don't meet his standards.

i strikes me as important that near's view on the new kira's shifts so much over the course of even just these two little stories. in the c-kira story, near is so Quick to shit on the new guy as fast as possible, literally snarking him into submission with the fear of his presence alone until he writes his own name down. we never see this "cheap" kira, this pathetic fake that couldn't possibly stand up to the original. (projecting a little there, nate?) he's barely more than a panel or two of hands, and then he disappears from the story forever.

in a-kira though, you get something a little more desperate, a little more hungry-- near really fucking wants to meet this new guy, purely for the sake of talking to him, and is a lot quicker to respect him & the depth of how well he's thought through this plan. at first it seems like he's intrigued by the idea of finally finding yet another equal, someone to match his freak after years of standing on his own, and knowing DN you're inclined to trust that the mind games will eventually happen. but, in the end...

he loses. and doesn't he seem so happy about it?

minoru really is the perfect match for near in a way-- a new, passive kira, uninterested in the bullshittery of killing and shinigami and evil murder diaries, to reflect and match the tired, new L who was done with his job before he even started doing it. RIP minoru dying due to shinigami bullshit, but i'm genuinely happy that this is the ending near gets, the chance to finally lose at something without having to pay the price of human lives for it. winning has almost never been a truly positive thing for near-- his winning wammy's house only gave him the many pressures & stresses of a job as L, his winning against light only gave him a dead mello and a notebook to quietly burn, hell, all of this shit happening at all is what made mello resent him so much in the first place.

but now he can lose. and i think he's all the better for it.

near is immature, yes, he bossy and snarky and blows up his toys without giving a fuck what anyone else has to say-- but he doesn't get ahead of himself in the way that light and L and the others did, a trait which ultimately lets him win but also leaves him behind to shoulder the grief of a generation. but now he can lose, he can let the fate of the world fall of his shoulders for just a moment, and everything is still going to be okay. it's good to see him getting older. it's good to see that you can still move on and grow, even when it seems like the legacies of the past are locking you away in a cage. i'm glad these manga exist, and i'm glad near can still make it out alive.

[emloafs]

first 8 min of ck s6 thoughts

SPOILERS BE WARNED welcome to my brain dump. pls enjoy.

already yawning at this baby plot sorry not sorry

YAYA MADE ROBBY LUNCH IM GOING TO SOB

whoever made anthony "block" daniel over a croissant needs to be excused that was very very cringe

BINARY BOYFRIENDS ARE HEREEEEEEE

i knew that the trailer was likely all from ep1 but the fact that so much of it is in the first 2 min is insane

tory and devon being besties!!!!!!!! didn't know i needed it

robby holding up his student folder is actually the cutest thing I've ever seen shut the FUCK UP someone hold me

the kenthony vibes are strong with this one....

the way that the camera pans around from Anthony to kenny is actually chefs kiss (ps I'm very excited to see kenny's growth this season)

amanda trimming a bonsai tree is something i didn't know could be so personal

daniel flat out saying no more karate wars! woohoo! no more silver and kreese! immediately tells me that things are going to be worse than ever ok awesome

WHY and i cannot emphasize this enough WHY are Miguel and robby both in the back seat of the van??????? i kept waiting for someone to be revealed in the passenger seat and then they just... never were... WHY IS JOHNNY UBERING THEM

kiaz content of robby wrapping miguels hand <3

LETS GO MIYAGI DO LETS GO HAWK AND DEMETRI TRAINING NEXT TO ANTHONY LETS GO NATE BURT CHRIS DEVON FRIENDSHIP

mitch and chris getting back together was so intimate and beautiful and the way chris looked at him alone and smiled made me believe they're in love - sweet moment but def a "let's wrap up that loose plot hole real quick!!!" too quick but they're background characters so i get it

OKAY Miguel and robby meddling with sam/tory is going to be INSANE IM SO EXCITED

oh lets get our girlfriends to be friends! and then it totally backfires because sam and tory fall in love and date each other (one last significant other switcharoo and then kiaz can get together too, done and done)

was waiting for johnny and daniel beef to happen again ("since when do i run shit by you?") but all we got was fond understanding like hmgoodpoint from johnny instead of picking a fight with daniel and honestly THATS GROWTH I LOVE THEM

OH SHIT BINARY BOYFRIENDS AGAIN

what a reveal of them opening the sliding doors like this is all i could ever ask for they look so good

"sensei" [demetri bows] "sensei" [demetri bows] "sensei" [demetri bows AGAIN] this was the funniest part of the whole thing

the thing they want to show the senseis before training is that they are back together and in love and the whole dojo needs to know (they already all knew)

eli moskowitz is my favorite character i hate to say it I'm so proud of him finding balance and being a baddie and a loser simultaneously he just loves karate and his boyfriend

now picturing eli and demetri staying up late brainstorming new dojo names that get more and more ridiculous (instant fic idea)

this stupid dojo name better be good cuz i genuinely don't care that much about it and they keep burying the lead like its the reveal of the century

i only care that demetri and eli came up with it and then had everyone vote on it

IM SO EXCITED FOR THURSDAY AHHHH

[asexualsoup]

So I don't really write fan fiction and I never planned to but here we are I guess lol 😅

**Cannot emphasize enough that this is a WIP. It's not finished lol. But if you yell at me enough I probably will finish it.**

----------------------------------------------------------

Remember That I Love You

Juno Steel/Peter Nureyev

Post Season 4

So far, everything had gone exactly to plan. Rita had hacked the pharmacorps’ computers and, from the safety of the Ruby 7’s driver’s seat, had set enough fires across the compound to draw most of the guards exactly where she wanted them. No matter how many times Juno watched her do this, he always found himself in awe of how easy it all was for her. Like a kid with a magnet drawing little shapes in metal sand.

Once the guards had been dispersed, it was just a matter of using their stolen map and the Ruby’s own scans to figure out exactly where they needed to go. That’s where Juno came in.

“There,” he said, pointing to a cluster of moving dots on the Ruby's screen. Taking the hint, the Ruby 7 zoomed its three-dimensional map onto a hallway at the bottom of the complex. “That’s where we’ll find him.”

“You sure, Mista Steel?” Rita asked, unconvinced. “How can you be so sure? We only get one shot at this, so you gotta be exactly right—”

“I know, Rita. You don’t need to remind me. When the fires went off, the executives left their meeting and ran down to this hallway. The Ruby’s showing them all leaving the hallway, but they’re just phasing through a wall. There are no rooms marked there on the map. The Ruby’s scan isn’t faulty, so that means—”

“A safe room!” Rita finished. Her eyes were wide behind her glasses. “That’s so cool! And there’s a buncha them, too, from the look of it. A whole row of safe rooms! How can we be sure which one is his?”

“Ruby?” Juno said with a smile. “You know what to do.”

It was over in seconds. The Ruby had scanned their target so many times, it could recognize him instantly, even from this distance. Juno didn’t fully understand it either, but he knew he could trust the Ruby to be accurate. It had helped him find Rita on that asteroid, after all.

As soon as it found him, it sang a triumphant little tune.

“Good job, Ruby,” Juno said. “Send that scan to my comms. I’m heading in. Let’s go get Nureyev out once and for all.”

* * *

Juno moved quickly through the compound, listening and reacting to Rita’s directions in his ear every step of the way. With her help, he avoided all the patrolling guards long enough to sneak into one of the server rooms she hadn’t set ablaze.

Keeping his voice low just in case, he asked her, “You sure the code you’ve put on this chip will eliminate his debt?”

"And all his accounts and bio-records, yeah, yeah," her voice chirped in his earpiece. He chuckled, imagining the way she was rolling her eyes at him. "You’ve asked me that about a hundred times, Mista Steel. It’ll work. Trust me."

“Like you said, we’ve only got one shot at this. It’s gotta be flawless.”

"We’re Aurinkos, boss. It don’t gotta be flawless to be successful."

“Yeah, well,” Juno said, feeling that old reliable flicker of nerves and self-doubt in his gut. “I’d rather have both, if I’m honest.”

With Rita’s assistance, he inserted the chip. The computers beeped and popped for a bit until Rita finally squeaked again.

"That's done it, boss. You can take the chip out now."

Juno did as she said, slipping it back into his pants pocket. "Great," he said. "Now it's just the hard part. Getting to him, taking out the guards, and then the escape." He sighed, suddenly feeling his age. "No biggie."

"It'll be fine, Mista Steel," Rita said. "Once you find him, you won't be alone in there anymore. You'll have him to help you with those last two steps. And Mista Nureyev has always been good at fighting guards and sneakin' outta places. It’ll be fine!"

"Still weird hearing you call him that. Even on private comms. But you make a good point. Once I find him…."

Juno trailed off, his mouth feeling suddenly very dry. He hadn't been this close to Nureyev in months, not since he'd smelled his cologne at Aurinko Permanent Corrections. The realization sent a torrent of butterflies through his stomach: fear, panic, and a good amount of excitement too.

Nureyev was in the building. And within minutes, he'd be in Juno's arms. Safe and sound at last and with his whole life ahead of him. The future at his nimble fingertips.

It was the same gift he'd promised to Slip Jackson all those years ago. And while Nureyev couldn't give that future to Slip in the end, Juno could make sure Nureyev got it now.

So, with a deep breath to swallow his panic down, Juno pressed on to the next phase of the plan.

* * *

Juno had taken out so many guards over the course of his career that a few localized in one closed off room should be no problem at all. And with all the tricks he’d picked up from Nureyev during their year of crime together, they wouldn’t know what hit them.

He crawled on his belly through the vents, Rita and the Ruby still guiding him around every corner, until finally he peered through a grate into the room in question.

As soon as he saw Nureyev, he felt his heart fly into his throat. He was sitting in a chair against the wall, looking like a prisoner in that tiny room with four armed guards around him.

But that wasn't what made Juno so upset. Nureyev… didn't look like himself. He was thinner than the last time they'd seen each other. Paler, too, like he hadn't seen the sun in weeks. He was still dressed to the nines and covered in makeup, but none of that could hide the new slump in his posture and the deadened look behind his eyes.

As wonderful as it was to see him again, it was frightening to see how only half a year away had changed him.

That ended here and now.

In one hand, Juno held his blaster. And in the other, he held a small pebble-like ball. Another trick he'd picked up from Nureyev.

Slipping the ball through the grate, he watched as it hit the floor and exploded into vapor, instantly surrounding the guards in a thick curtain of smoke. As the guards coughed and sputtered and shouted to each other, he kicked open the grate and dropped himself into the room.

Darting out of the range of the smoke, he planted his feet firmly in front of Nureyev.

“Juno?” came that beautiful voice from behind him, the one that made his heart flutter.

“Yeah, yeah, you can swoon into my arms later,” he said. And even though he was joking, he wanted nothing more. “Whatever you’ve got to use against these guys, now’s the time to use it.”

“But, Juno, I—”

Whatever Nureyev was about to say would have to wait. The guards had finally collected themselves and were starting to stumble out of the smoke, blasters raised and searching for a target.

Ducking beneath the nearby table, Juno sent a pair of stun blasts out between its legs, completely incapacitating the first two guards he saw.

“I see you haven’t lost your touch, dear detective,” Nureyev said, sliding in beside Juno. “Shall we take this to the next level?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

It was a maneuver they’d learned together during their time on the Carte Blanche. That time felt like so long ago now, and yet Nureyev fell into position as smoothly and easily as if they’d practiced it only yesterday. Juno would have to thank Buddy for those lessons later, among a million other things.

Grabbing opposite ends of the table, they swung its legs out from under it and in one fluid motion, launched it flat-side first into the smoke. Both of the remaining guards grunted in pain as they were struck, and somewhere within the haze, they both collapsed under the weight of the table.

“You truly are a sharpshooter, aren’t you?” Nureyev said as he leaped to his feet again and reached out a hand to help Juno. “You hit them both even through all that fog.”

“Hey, it was a big table,” Juno said, taking that proffered hand. “And anyway, you’re just as likely to—”

But his words were cut off. As soon as he’d gotten to his feet, Nureyev’s mouth had found his. The kiss was hard, desperate, pressing his lips almost painfully against his teeth. But it was exactly what they both needed after all that time apart. Juno couldn’t help the moan that escaped his throat, and his hands found Nureyev’s collar, pulling him in even closer.

Once they’d separated, Nureyev narrowed his eyes. “I told you not to come after me.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Juno said, hopping up to swiftly kiss Nureyev’s lips again.

“I suppose not. Though we’ll definitely have words about this later. A lot of words.”

Nureyev released him and without another word, flew gracefully into the depths of the smoke. Still a little awestruck, Juno found his feet again and moved to follow him.

Squinting through the fog, he peered around quietly for any sign of the two guards they’d knocked down. The table was easy enough to find, its legs splayed like a dead spider on its back. But the two guards that it had hit? Those were a lot harder to spot. And so was Nureyev.

Juno slunk low to the floor, crouched near the table’s legs and stared into the surrounding fog for any sign of movement. It only took a minute for him to spot something. A glint of metal in the fog. He stared in its direction, trying to find it again, but couldn't.

Instead, when a guard finally did appear in the smoke, it was to his far left. They stumbled near him, their shirt pulled high over their mouth and nose. They made eye contact with Juno, who already had his blaster raised, but before either of them could make a move, a dark heel swung out from the fog and hit the guard right in the back of the head, knocking them out cold. With another glint of metal, Nureyev emerged from the smoke and crouched at Juno’s side once again.

“That was brutal,” Juno whispered. “I always forget you can kick that high.”

“So did they, apparently.”

“You might want to take off your jewelry before we handle that other guard, Nureyev. I can see it shining through the fog.”

For the first time since their reunion, something made Nureyev pause. “Juno… there’s something that you should—”

“Let’s deal with the other guard first, Nureyev. Do you have any idea where they are?”

“Juno, I—”

But whatever Nureyev was going to say, it was cut off by the cracking sound of a blaster shot. Nureyev gasped and flew backward, hitting the ground hard.

“Nureyev!” Juno shouted before he could stop himself.

Flying onto his feet, he whipped around and pointed his blaster in the direction the shot had come from. The fourth and final guard stood there, grinning through the smoke. Her blaster was pointed right at Juno’s head.

“Really?” Juno gasped, trying desperately to think straight through the panic now flooding his brain. “You sneak up behind me and decide to shoot your own guy instead?”

“I was following my orders, lady,” she said darkly, her hand flexing against the trigger. Ready to send another laser directly through Juno’s brain.

He wasn’t going to give her the chance. With one hand, he grabbed her wrist and twisted, sending her laser up to the ceiling. Bringing around his own blaster, he struck her hard across the face, sending her sprawling to the floor where his own shot struck her right in the chest a second later. Her eyes went hazy as the stun wave overtook her body, and then she closed her eyes, unconscious.

Breathing heavily, Juno dropped his gun and rushed to Nureyev’s side. Nureyev was panting hard, one hand over his face. His hands were shaking.

“Goddammit, Nureyev. No,” Juno wept, searching Nureyev’s body with his hands. “No no no. Where did they hit you? Oh, goddammit.”

But no matter where he looked, he didn’t find any blood. All he could find was a small laser burn on the front of Nureyev’s shirt.

“It was just a stun blast,” he said, relief flooding him once more. “You’re fine. You’re gonna be fine.”

But as Nureyev gave another groan of pain, Juno felt his relief crack once more.

“N… Nureyev? Come on. Snap out of it.”

Nureyev groaned again, his mouth twisting in pain and all four of his limbs starting to tremble. The fingers by his forehead curled, as if trying to grasp at something, and between them, Juno could see that glint of metal again. It was only then that Juno realized Nureyev wasn’t wearing any jewelry. No rings, no earrings.

Nothing but whatever was shining on his temple.

Grabbing Nureyev’s hand, he slowly pulled it away.

His stomach dropped. “Nureyev… no… please, no… Is that a…?”

Nureyev groaned again and Juno swore he could hear the pops of electricity coming from it.

Because right there, stuck on Nureyev’s temple, was a little gray chip. Smaller than the Theia Soul had been, but otherwise the same.

“Goddammit. Nureyev, what do I do?” Juno asked desperately.

In response, Nureyev cried out as the chip zapped him again, and this time, Juno actually saw the skin beginning to sizzle around it.

He fumbled for his comms, knowing somewhere in the back of his panicked mind that if anyone could fix this, it would be Rita. But a second later, as Nureyev’s body went slack, Juno’s heart stopped.

Nureyev’s eyes peered up to meet his, bleary and unfocused. Lines of blood began to form around the edges of the chip.

“Nureyev?” Juno asked breathlessly.

“Ju…no…” was all the man managed to say before his eyes closed and unconsciousness claimed him too.

(to be continued?)

[secretlystephaniebrown]

fic asks: 7, 17, 35, 48?

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

You delightful creature you XD

So I am of course absolutely proud of the RVB Firefly AU (featuring the Donut Siblings), which had SO MUCH worldbuilding. Planets. Cultures. Family structures. Mythology. And what do you know, SOMEONE was extremely helpful with that. XD

I'm also proud of everything @renaroo and I have done for DC Uninterrupted, which I cannot emphasize enough, is just. fully insane.

For solo world-building, I'm really proud of the work I did with the Buffy AU, in building out the world, as well as the history itself!

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

Okay so.

Steve's personal effects are obviously all in the Smithsonian now, right? Yes. I would love to write the AU where Steve has to go to the Smithsonian and deal with some very stressed curators/interns in trying to (very politely) get his stuff back and in the process ends up getting pulled into exhibit design.

35. What aspects of your writing are completely unlike your real life?

I keep having to explain to people that I actually have a great relationship with my parents. It's genuinely really funny, even if my poor mother is like "do you really feel this way about me?" No, Mum, this isn't autobiographical, I swear.

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

So this is just a little bit cheating, because I'm the beta for this one. But the last fic I read was let the river in by @saltsanford and I read the upcoming chapter last night, and I was screaming, I was gasping, I was on the edge of my seat, and I absolutely recommend it.

[baiika]

My ho time taught me that evil men aren't great at sex, generally ranging from just bad to outright dangerous. Given Sousuke's track record of almost cartoonish violence, I think it's safe to say he falls on the latter end of the spectrum. Now, you COULD say I'm wrong because Tite seems to be largely asexual in his depiction, where there's only like... all of four married couples during the manga period, but no art exists in a vacuum. Even if Tite didn't intentionally do so, Sousuke still, even inadvertently, a sexual being. I think exploring that really cements how evil Sousuke is.

I cannot emphasize this enough: This isn't p.ornography; this is an exploration of the sexuality of a very evil person. Details of gore, misogyny, battery, gendered violence, relationship abuse, sexual assault, fetishism, & general adult topics are explored in depth. Reader discretion is advised.

I've explored Sousuke's fascination with hyperviolence in the past, so I won't be reiterating it here. However, it's weird how enthralled he appears to be, like when he smiles in chapter 170 after stabbing Momo, & in chapter 532 during White vs Masaki. He looks content after seeing Gin disembowel the former 3rd seat of gobantai in TBTP. I have trouble articulating the emotions I see in him, but it's definitely reminiscent of some more depraved shit I came across as a ho.

It's safe to say anguish & exploitation arouse him, which is hard for some people to believe, but let's take a look at fetish, & I'll start with something anecdotal.

My time doing sex work exposed me to a lot of fetishists. It was mostly in-person scenes until I stopped doing sex work about six years ago. In the last two or three years, I started taking commissions, & have done many fetish works. Considering I was doing in-person work as a teen for pedophiles, the fetishists I met were surprisingly tolerable, & I don't have any commissioners now from the fetish community that I dislike. I've had overwhelmingly good experiences from foot fetishists who have commissioned me. 

The most recent commission I was asked to write from a foot fetishist was for a young lady in stockers (the device) whose husband tickles the soles of her feet until she's sweating & crying. There's nothing pornographic about the imagery, but it's the context of sensuality & BDSM that makes it a masturbatory aid.

(I will not be sharing the story itself to protect the privacy of my client.)

I'm getting to the point, I promise.

There's a lot of debate on what causes fetishism & defines fetishism, but generally, I regard it as something that isn't inherently sexual such as balloons, hair, or asphyxiation causing sexual arousal or being used to cause or assist in the achievement of orgasm. 

I have known people with blood & violence fetishes.

This isn't me trashing on kink or fetishism. I don't think fetish is inherently a disorder or anything deviant. It's something that exists as an entirely neutral quality of a person. However, it's worth noting that Sousuke is experiencing sexual arousal from nonsexual situations. That is fetishism. It just so happens that Sousuke is an asshole.

I'm certainly not saying he doesn't enjoy the visage of cisgender women. Sousuke does like breasts, pussy, buttocks, etc, but it alone isn't what gets him off.

I'll explore the details of Sousuke's misogyny another time, but given that Sousuke is heterosexual & misogynistic, the infliction of violence against women is especially arousing. While a violence fetish isn't necessarily predatorial, Sousuke is a predator. Given his engagement with violence & misogyny throughout the series, it's not a leap to see he engages in violence & rape culture. The details become a matter of personal opinion, however. Communicating this is most easily done through my portrayal of AiHina.

Sousuke & Momo have a commonwealth marriage because Sousuke, accurately, thought a relationship would be the simplest avenue to manipulate Momo. Now, I don't ascribe any cluster B personality disorder to Sousuke on principle, Narcissistic Personality Disorder included, but the abuse he subjects her to is definitely narcissistic abuse. I will explore more about the details of their relationship another time.

What arouses him is causing fear in Momo, so he will scream at her over innocuous shit & hit her. Because being arrested for being a wife-beater would be an obstacle to his goals, Sousuke doesn't hit her face, but hits her limbs & torso, which causes her to a) cry from shock, pain, & emotional turmoil & b) bruises her, & potentially breaks bones, which causes her to be in somewhat visible pain depending on how astute the individual is. Sousuke isn't, so mostly, he enjoys seeing her naked & very thoroughly bruised. He enjoys strangling Momo, specifically because she'll thrash & claw at him to get air while she is crying, & also enjoys seeing her black out. Additionally, he does coerce & sometimes even forces her to have sex with him... which is longhand for rape. If she agrees, he still gets to see her uncomfortable & in emotional turmoil. If she outright refuses, he can then force her. He often pins Momo by her throat & rapes her.

Anal sex takes a great deal of prep to do comfortably, including washing the orifice of fecal matter, giving the orifice time to acclimate to the presence of something being pushed inside of use, usually done using toys, generous lubrication, & a lot of patience.

But Sousuke enjoys Momo's pain, so he forgoes all preparation. While Sousuke enjoys the tightness of the anus, that isn't what arouses him. It's her anguish. If she resists physically or verbally, he'll beat the back of her head &/or pin her down by the back of her neck, which suffocates her.

Sousuke does masturbate & fantasizes as an aid. Often, he can vividly picture slitting Momo's throat. He can see her struggling & gurgling. He can see the spurting arterial bleed. Without fail, he climaxes when blood covers her breasts. This is his favorite fantasy, but he has others.

Unfortunately, he also likes penetrating open wounds. Occasionally, he will masturbate to the fantasy or have wet dreams of cutting open Momo's breast, separating the skin & muscle from the ribs, inserting himself into the lesion, ejaculating into the wound, & watching semen & blood pour out of the entry. He fantasizes about decapitating Momo, inserting himself into her windpipe, & watching the head of his penis appear & disappear through her mouth while he gyrates. He fantasizes about cutting open Momo's belly, removing her intestines, & using them as a fleshlight.

Truly, his existence is soul-sucking.

[cadence-the-hypnotic-floret]

I'm not going to pretend that doesn't sound coercive and cruel and awful... If you ignore the core conceit of the setting.

The Affini are good. They, on a fundamental, deep-seated level, want what's best for you, and if turning you into a pet isn't what's best for you, they wouldn't do it. And they're almost always right.

This is called an axiom for a reason - if you're not starting from that assumption, you're not writing an HDG story. Some people balk at this, because, sure, it's one hell of a conceit to accept going into a setting, but if you're talking about how awful the compact is...

...how horrific their "slavery" (wherein your caretaker is utterly obsessed with making you able to be as happy as you can be, you never have to work again, and your every need is perfectly met) is...

...how awful their "racial hierarchy" (wherein it is assumed that the immortal benevolent aliens who are the most advanced species and have been doing this successfully for longer than most species have existed know better than the beings that cannot help but seem like children relative to them) is...

...how heinous their "imperialism" (wherein they indisputably make everything better for everyone by taking over and dissolving previous oppressive hierarchies) is...

... you're not really talking about HDG. You're not really talking about the Affini.

I suppose this is part of the reason stories in the setting consistently load the bases by emphasizing just how horrific life under future space capitalism is, and just how miserable it makes everyone. Like, I cannot stress this enough, the Terran accord fucking sucks. They have actual slavery, actual genocidal imperialism, and actual racial hierarchy. Not to mention total environmental collapse, food that exists to make the lower classes miserable, and all manner of other bespoke nightmares that are, at the end of the day, logical extensions of what we currently deal with under capitalism. They may eventually get better (although this is not the trend; the trend is things getting worse), but that's cold comfort for those stuck living under it.

Why would you change the compact? It's a paradise for all, to the point where "not being content and fulfilled with your life" is grounds for social intervention - and said intervention is actually based on helping you. There's no war, no strife, no misery. It is essentially perfect, and that's by design. Again, you can reject this conceit, and that's totally valid, but if you reject it as applies to these stories... You're missing a key piece of the puzzle.

One last thing. I reject the idea that the terran accord would have done better with the more advanced technology of the Affini. Technology is a tool, and a tool's use is downstream from the society that builds it. Would Star Trek replicators fix human society? That's not a new debate, and I land very firmly on the side that says "no, access to that kind of technology would instantly make all of our hierarchies that much worse". Or, to put it another way, has instantly being able to copy and reproduce knowledge infinitely led to a world where knowledge is free and easily attainable? No, and to the degree that it has, the powerful in our society have been fighting it tooth and nail for as long as it has existed.

If you reject the conceit that the Affini are fundamentally benevolent, your story isn't really bout the Affini or set in the HDG universe.

P.s. if you're looking for noblebright opposition, consider "No Gods, No Masters", which takes a long philosophical look at how human communists would handle the Affini. It's quite something.

HDG and "Horror"

So I've seen several people talk about the horrors of Human Domestication Guide and how it's really effective cosmic horror if you look past the kink part of it, but I don't really see that? At least, I don't think I've seen any points levied towards that point that don't already just exist in day-to-day life but far worse.

The main one I see a lot is the idea of this incomprehensible cosmic force that we can't fight completely subsuming our culture and freedoms, but like, is that not already just a grander version of living under capitalism? That shit invades every single aspect of our lives but unlike the affini it's perfectly content with killing us at a moment's notice, and in so many cases actively wants us dead for the crime of existing.

Like, oh they're an imperialist empire and don't give you a choice about living under them? Yeah man that would sure suck I cant imagine what that would be like

I saw a post on r/196 calling the Affini slavers which is really fucking funny to me because you can just tell whoever made that post has never actually read the fucking thing

I dunno, at the end of the day i honestly cannot fathom what makes the Affini terrifying when I'm at least *allowed* to live under them. Where basic survival isn't something I have to earn by tearing my own body apart every single day, where I'm actually loved and cared for by the people running shit. There's nothing bad about them that isn't already so much worse in the present day, and the whining I've seen in places like Reddit about "never being allowed to reach our fullest potential" is as much wish fullfilment scifi as the HDG setting as a whole is, so it's kind of a moot point

[mickstart]

what happens with jev and horner?

Hey I got a couple asks about this and this, understandably, happens every time I bring up what happened with Jev. So I'm gonna try and put everything here for future reference.

For benefit of the other anons, jev drove for the rbr B team (now alpha) with ricciardo in 2012 and 2013. The set up was largely the same except the B team were barely even midfielders most of the time and the car could NOT have qualified as it does now alongside the red bulls.

Placing this under a cut because of discussion of an eating disorder, workplace bullying, and Jules Bianchi's fatal accident. (Also, it's long.)

not directly but as team principal horner was responsible for rbr's toxic team culture in the early 2010s, an atmosphere and culture that made jev's life a fucking misery and contributed to causing his ed and hospitalizing him. You could make the argument this was limited to the B Team... except when Daniel was fitted for his rbr seat only a few months before jev collapsed rbr publicly joked about the size of his hips being too big for the car and "compromising newey's design." RBR was well known for its "lad / party culture" and they played this atmosphere up as red bulls marketing has always been about how Young Hip And Cool they are. RBR have done nothing to solve this environment judging by alpha tauri's treatment of pierre including joking about pierre's food habits on their socials.

If I had sent a driver to the hospital with an ed not even a decade ago, I would simply not joke about my drivers eating habits!

Horner was involved in choosing daniel over him based on how his personality would fit the team / work with Seb, not the results they were getting (jev was doing better than daniel with less experience). Jev has commented a few times (sorry not sure exactly when in the video it is and I haven't watched it in a while) about how the team reacted differently to daniel than to him. They put constant pressure on him to perform and then when he couldn't enjoy the races and was constantly moody and hard on himself they were annoyed at him for the "attitude" they taught him to have.

Jev's firing was as abrupt and cruel as you would expect from rbr. He was essentially told he was too old for the junior team (my brother in christ you are the one not promoting him) and sent to formula e with a vague promise that if he "impressed" them enough he might get to come back. This is especially insulting because then when rbr found themselves down a driver with Seb leaving for Ferrari they then put Kvyat - the driver whose lower height and weight they used to shame jev into starving himself - into the car, and then MAX, a TEENAGER, who proceeded to drive into everything he saw. Horner and Marko decided he didn't fit their brand and that was that.

Making this even crueler, Jev was a very good friend of Jules Bianchi and trying to process his friend's horrible accident at the time rbr fired him. I'm not saying it was wrong to fire him BECAUSE of this, not at all. Just that some tact and awareness of his mental state and subsequently going about this in a kinder way would have gone a long way.

Jev has talked about his depression as a consequence of all this and - like all red bull drivers - being left without funds or managerial support after red bull dropped him like a stone. What they did to him was fucked up. Is Horner to blame for all of it? No. But it's his team. Yes even the Sister Team, he holds power over them. It's his responsibility to keep the team in check, to not allow these things to happen. It's literally his job to make sure he knows what's going on in the team, not to give interviews.

But they KEPT happening. The tp of the b team punching drivers, drivers pitted against each other, jaime QUITTING MOTORSPORT ALTOGETHER because of the culture in place at rbr. The list really is endless. I cannot emphasize enough I am only citing a FEW examples.

RBR have bullied and destroyed the mental health of almost every driver they've come into contact with. If I were christian horner I'd stop throwing stones and start picking up the shards of my glass house.

[somewhatgreatexpectations]

Do Me a Favor (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hi everyone!

All I will say is... this is nothing like I've ever written and I'm very, very shy about it so sorry if I disappear for 2-3 business days.

Summary: A reckless decision on a mission angers a certain Avenger, who also happens to be your ex which leads to a series of unexpected events.

Warnings: Swearing, smut

18+ I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH!

“Where’s Nat?” A quick glance around the jet let you know that everyone else knew something you didn’t. Your stomach turned anxiously. “Where. Is. Nat?” You repeated sharply, your tone rising along with your temper.

“Steve will go back-”

Your head turned abruptly to Tony. “Excuse me? Go back? We’re still here!”

In response he just shook his head. “We’re compromised, Y/n. We need to go now.”

You could feel your hands ball into fists at your side as your fight instinct kicked in. “I’m going back. Now. Go on without me.” You said determinedly as you stood up.

Before you could step off the quinjet a hand wrapped tightly around your bicep and tugged you back harshly. “Y/n. He said Steve would be going back for her. Sit down.”

Your jaw clenched when you met the green eyes you used to adore. “Let go of me.”

Wanda shook her head in disbelief. “Do me a favor and stop acting like a child.”

You scoffed. “Do me a favor and mind your own damn business.”

“Y/n.” Wanda warned sharply, her eyes beginning to glow.

As you were staring back at her you noticed the quinjet begin to lift off the ground, Tony seemingly taking advantage of your distraction. You quickly ripped your arm out of Wanda’s grasp. “You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore.”

“Y/n-”

Before she could finish her thought, you leapt out of the jet, rolling slightly to break your fall as you cautiously began making your way back into the Hydra base. Was it the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? Probably. Would you do it again? Without a doubt.

Natasha was one of the most – if not thee most – important person in your life. You’d be damned if you left base without her by your side. After several brushes with death, you were able to get yourself and Natasha out of the base and into safety. Steve found you both hours later in a safe house.

“She’s not happy, you know.” Steve said casually as you were approaching the Avengers tower.

Natasha looked over at you curiously, but you shook your head in response, so she turned her attention back to Steve. “Who isn’t happy?”

“It doesn’t matter.” You hissed.

While Steve replied, “Wanda.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow at you. “Didn’t know you could piss her off while you weren’t even dating.”

“I don’t care if she’s pissed off. I’m not her problem anymore.” You snapped back in annoyance. Steve whistled lowly while Natasha pursed her lips at your tone. “Sorry.” You mumbled.

Sensing the need for a change in subject, Steve cut in. “We’re touching down now. Romanoff, Banner is waiting to take you to med bay. We need to look you over for any internal damage you may have sustained.”

The other woman nodded, and you just leaned further back into your seat, watching them all scramble back into the compound. You were sure to take your time getting out, hoping that everyone would already be asleep or in their rooms by the time you got inside.

Much to your annoyance, the second you stepped back into the compound you were greeted with the sight of a certain red-headed avenger and not the one you were on good terms with. You chewed on the inside of your cheek to bite back the snarky remark that was already forming on your lips and marched past her as if she didn’t even exist.

It seemed she wasn’t going to let that stop her though.

“What the hell was that back there?” Wanda demanded as she followed after you, her words sharp and accent thick with anger.

You didn’t even bother looking back as you continued on your path to your room. “Oh, the accent. I’m so scared.” You said mockingly with a roll of your eyes.

“So, you’re just risking your life for Natasha now?” She shouted.

“I don’t see how that concerns you.” You said offhandedly.

“Y/n.” You chose not to comment, instead increasing the speed of your steps as you grew closer to your destination. Even if you refused to look at her, you could feel her gaze burn holes in your back.

The sound of her footsteps grew louder as she got closer. “Y/n, stop. I’m talking to you.”

“Fuck off.” You called over your shoulder, flipping her off for good measure. She’d love that.

Finally, you reached your destination, the elevator. You pressed the button and tapped your foot impatiently as you waited. Before the doors could open though, you felt yourself being spun around, finally meeting the furious emerald eyes you’ve been avoiding. You pulled away from her touch as if you’d been burned.

Wanda’s eyes were ablaze with rage, a sight that would have made most people cower in fear. It just made you angry. “I said I was talking to you.” She hissed.

You glared back at her. “And I said fuck. Off.” You replied, being sure to enunciate each word.

Her jaw clenched and her nostrils flared angrily. You just laughed at the sight before you, being sure to push every single one of her buttons.

To infuriate her even further, you looked away. You didn’t even want to bother with the sight of her anymore and you knew she’d hate it.

“You’re playing a dangerous game here, Y/n.” Wanda said darkly.

Again, you rolled your eyes, your gaze fixed on the wall behind her. You knew the lack of attention would just cause her to spiral even more. “You’re not even worth playing with, Maximoff.” You muttered.

The final comment seemed to be her breaking point. Wanda grabbed your chin tightly between her index and pointer finger, forcing you to look at her. You clenched your jaw and turned your head away in anger. In defiance. You wouldn’t give into her.

Her grip on your chin tightened ever so slightly as she forced you to look back at her once again. The sight made your blood boil. A small smirk played on her lips as she leaned further into you, pressing you to the wall even more than before. The fingers of her other hand digging into the small of your back roughly, so you were pressed tightly against her.

“Say it again then.” She challenged.

Your chest heaved with anger which just seemed to amuse Wanda even more. Her thumb ran lightly across your bottom lip, tugging it down slightly. Her eyes were locked intensely on the action.

“Fuck you.” You spat out quietly, your eyes never leaving hers. If she wanted you to look at her then you’d give her exactly that. “Why don’t you go home to your little toaster? I’m sure he’s waiting for you.”

The hand that was on your back wandered over to your arm and pinned it above your head roughly. You tried desperately to mask the quiet gasp of surprise but if her smirk was any indication, you failed. “What was it you said earlier?” She teased huskily. “Mind your own damn business?”

The air was tense as you both just stared at one another in challenge. Before you could think of the repercussions, you tugged your hands out of her grasp and knotted your hands tightly into her hair, pulling her roughly into your lips.

A quiet groan fell from her lips when you bit down harshly on her bottom lip, a punishment. In response, she tore her lips away from yours, tightening her grip on your chin and forcing your head to the side, giving her complete access to your neck as she bit down harshly on your pulse point. You gasped just as the elevator doors slid open and she pushed you back through the open doors. Your back connected unforgivingly with the cool metal of the wall, and she advanced on you quickly, attaching her mouth to yours and pressing your wrists tightly to the wall once again.

Thankfully, the elevator knew where to deposit you and soon the doors slid open on your floor, and you pressed against Wanda, forcing her back and into the hall before your room, your mouth never leaving hers.

Everything blurred together as you lost yourself in everything Wanda. Next thing you knew, she was shoving you back onto the bed, her hands making quick work of your shirt and tossing it carelessly behind her.

“I missed this.” Wanda purred, her fingers tracing a featherlight path down the valley between your breasts until they stopped at the waistband of your jeans. “You. Under me. Completely at my mercy.”

You hissed and shoved her hands away. “I’m not at your mercy anymore.”

Her fingers twitched slightly as red energy wrapped around your wrists and pinned them to the bed. “Tsk, tsk, malyshka. Only good girls get rewards.”

“Fuck you.” You spat, hating the effect she had on you.

Her lips curled up in an amused smirk. “Oh. You will. All in good time.” Your hands clenched at the thought. “Let’s get this off first.” She teased as she pulled off your jeans and panties in one motion.

“No.”

Wanda sat back slightly. “No?”

“You’re wearing too much.”

The force holding your wrists to the bed fell away as Wanda smiled broadly back at you. “Oh, malyshka. All you had to do was ask.” Her fingers began making slow work on the buttons of her shirt.

Unable to take it anymore, you reached out and gripped the shirt firmly in your hands and pulled. The buttons give way easily under the force, and you smirked in satisfaction when you saw she was wearing nothing underneath. Your lips attached to her chest as your fingers fumbled with the buttons of her shorts, eagerly pushing them down her legs.

Wanda kicked the final piece of clothing off the bed and pushed you back so that she was flush against you. Both moaning at the feeling of your skin pressing together.

Your breath hitched when you felt her fingers trailing torturously slow down your stomach, over your hips and stopping right before she reached where you needed her most. You knew exactly what she was doing.

You wouldn’t give her what she wanted. It didn’t matter how much you wanted her. You didn’t want to give her that power.

Her fingertips danced lightly over your thigh as she leaned down to coo into your ear. “So stubborn, malyshka. Always so stubborn.”

Leaning up on your elbows, you attached your lips to a spot you knew drove her mad right below her ear, grazing lightly with your teeth. A soft groan fell from her lips, and you smirked in satisfaction. “You forget I know what you like too… Zolotse.”

Wanda shivered slightly at the term of endearment, and you relished in the small victory. “Well… it looks like I should reward you then, malyshka, no?”

Before you could muster a reply, you felt her fingers slid easily into you, biting your lip to contain the moan that you felt build in your throat. Your eyes slammed shut as you lost yourself in the feeling of Wanda’s touch, every curl of her fingers. She knew exactly what to do to make you fall apart under her every touch. She had memorized your body long ago.

“You’re holding back.” She murmured disapprovingly, her lips leaning down to rest against yours. “Don’t hold back.”

Then her fingers curled again. There. White flashes of light exploded behind your eyelids, and you couldn’t bite your tongue anymore as moan after moan fell from your lips.

“Good girl. Just like that.” She cooed, attaching her lips to yours once again and when she added another finger you bit down harshly on her lower lip. She moaned at the action, her hips lightly rocking against yours.

With one final curl of her finger the feeling overtook you as wave after wave of pleasure washed over you with her name on your lips. Her lips on your mouth and her fingers in you slowly brought you back down from your high as you caught your breath.

When your heart rate settled, and the stars stopped exploding behind your eyelids you opened your eyes to see Wanda watching you with a looking of wanting. As if she wanted to devour you again and again and again.

“Oh no,” You mumbled, tangling your legs into hers and flipping her aggressively on her back. “It’s your turn.”

You felt the thrill run through your veins as her mouth formed into that ‘o’ shape you used to love as you began trailing kisses down her body.

The next morning the sound of your alarm startled you as you shot up in bed, quickly scrambling to turn it off. When the obnoxious blaring finally came to a halt, you glanced over your shoulder to see a sight you hadn’t seen in months. Wanda. Completely bare. In your bed. Despite the sight being something you had wanted back in your life months ago, you couldn’t help but clench your jaw in annoyance.

Annoyance that you gave in so easily. Annoyance that you fell right into her trap. Annoyance that she was still with the stupid red microwave.

“Can you stop thinking so loudly? I’m trying to sleep.” The sound of her groggy voice made your stomach flip as you quickly turned your head away from her.

There was a pleased look about her as she stretched and looked at you from under her lashes. “That was a one-time thing.” You warned bitterly, reaching for your shirt that was thrown on the floor and yanking it over your head.

There was rustling of sheets as you felt her crawl her way over to you, her cool hand slipping under the material of the shirt you had just put on.

You shivered and hated yourself for it.

Her lips lightly brushed along the shell of your ear, “It doesn’t have to be.” She whispered huskily, her teeth lightly grazing your ear lobe. Your hands tightly gripped the sheets under your fingers as you fought every instinct to not give into her again. “That’s a familiar sight.” She cooed teasingly, her free hand sliding over the back of one of your palms until your hand unclenched.

“Do me a favor and go away.” You groaned, sliding away from her, the haze in your mind lifting when her hands fell away from your body.

Despite the distance you created, her hands were back on your body within seconds, pulling you into her. “Is that what you really want?”

You looked over your shoulder at her and felt your resolve slip at the sight of her green eyes dancing mischievously in the morning light, making any argument you had die on your tongue. “I don’t want anything to do with you, Maximoff.” You eventually mustered, your tone cold as you shrugged her off. She deflated slightly and you felt the control fall back into your hands, where it belonged.

Clearly your words didn’t have a lasting effect though. “That’s not what you were screaming last night.” Wanda countered suggestively, not letting your cold behavior get to her.

You glared at her. “Again, a one-time thing.”

“What if it wasn’t?”

Your eyes squinted slightly. “What about the microwave? I don’t think he’d like that.”

Wanda rolled her eyes in response. “Do me a favor and stop asking questions.” You glared at her. “You don’t have to like me… Yet… But I think I can make this worth your while.”

“I have training with Nat in half an hour.” You mumbled weakly. Your resolve was flimsy as your fingers itched to be on her skin again.

Wanda smirked, as she sat up on her knees, her arms looping around your shoulders and shoving you back down on the mattress. You couldn’t find it within yourself to fight it. “I can be fast.” She mumbled, her lips attaching to yours.

______________

As much as you hated to admit it, the deal you had with Wanda worked. You still couldn’t stand her most of the time, but you had to say, working out your frustrations with her in this new way was definitely… therapeutic. What made it even better was that you stopped seeing the easy bake oven. Mainly because most of the time Wanda was too busying focusing on putting suggestive thoughts into your mind.

Promises of what was to come usually.

The only other person who knew about your little arrangement was Natasha. That wasn’t entirely your choice, but there was never getting anything by that woman. She knew everything. She was Natasha freaking Romanoff for crying out loud. The woman could read you like a book.

She had vocalized her discontent with the situation many times, worried that Wanda was playing with your emotions. Taking advantage. You constantly reassured her that there were no emotions on your end and that you were in full control this time.

Natasha didn’t buy that for a second.

The protective nature she felt over you strengthened the more she saw you begin to exchange flirty looks with the Sokovian woman… And it was hard for you to argue in Wanda’s defense when she was still with the resident robot.

Your motto was if you weren’t dating Wanda, you didn’t care if Nat approved of her or not. And it infuriated her. Which is what lead to Natasha's next course of intervention… since talking to you obviously wasn’t working.

Natasha called in a favor to keep Maximoff far, far away from you. You didn’t know that though.

There was a mischievous glint in her eyes at the next team meeting that made you highly skeptical, but anytime you asked she just brushed the question aside and told you to wait.

“It’s the beginning of the end.” You could have sworn you heard her mumble manically under her breath.

“Alright, under-roos, I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve called a team meeting.” Tony began speaking as soon as he entered the room.

“No one cares.” You mumbled distractedly, picking at your nails.

Tony turned to glare at you and was about to say something when Natasha lightly shook her head. “Bad attitude from the kid aside... We’re introducing a new member.”

The rest of his speech drifted to the back of your mind as short flashes of seductive images invaded your mind. You glanced slyly out of the corner of your eye to see Wanda smirking at you.

Before you could even think of a response, Natasha smacked the back of your head and forced your attention away from the other woman. You tilted your head curiously when she walked out of the room. “Meetings over then?” You asked hopefully, sharing a suggestive look with Wanda.

“No, kid, you just weren’t listening.” Steve replied with a disappointed stare, and you shrunk in your seat slightly, mumbling an apology.

Thankfully Natasha chose that moment to come back into the room with a woman you didn’t recognize at her side. A beautiful woman at that. You sat up in your seat at attention, mesmerized from first glance.

So mesmerized that you didn’t even notice Natasha’s satisfied smirk or Wanda’s angry glare. “Everyone, I’d like you to meet the newest member of the team and my kind of little sister, Yelena Belova.” Natasha introduced.

Yelena looked around the room and when her eyes fell on you, she smiled. You practically swooned at the sight, smiling back at her. Images from Wanda once again began invading your mind, but you shook them away, not wanting to take your attention off this beautiful new woman before you.

“Careful, little spiderling, don’t know if you want to get caught up in the chaos of that web.” Tony warned Yelena teasingly when he noticed you smiling at one another. “Unless you don’t mind dealing with her involvement with witchy over there.”

Wanda smirked in satisfaction when Yelena looked away. “I’m not involved with Maximoff.” You quickly shut down, winking at Yelena when she looked back over at you. “I’m as free as a bird.” You added, smiling when Yelena’s eyebrows raised in amusement.

“Alright, ‘little bird’, why don’t you show Yelena around the compound?” Natasha mocked.

You barely registered the sound of a chair scraping roughly against the floor and the door to the meeting room slamming behind someone.

Vision faintly saying, “I’ll go check on her.” Barely processed in your mind as you stood and made your way over to the two Russian women.

“It would be my pleasure to show you around, only if you’d like of course.” You said as you offered your hand with a flirtatious smile. “I’m Y/n.”

Yelena stared back at your hand for a moment before looking up at you, “I’ll allow it.” She began, and you swooned at the accent. “But I won’t be so easily charmed.” She added teasingly.

For a moment you were too surprised to formulate a reply until your brain started functioning again. “That’s okay... I like a challenge.”

The smirk that formed on her lips made your brain short-circuit. “Well, I hope you like failing then.”

You were too preoccupied with your flirty banter with Yelena to notice Natasha slowly back out of the room, a triumphant smile on her face. “You really should stop meddling, you know.” Steve said suddenly, appearing at her side.

“They’ll be good for each other.” Natasha insisted. “Better than Wanda is for her.”

“Those two can never stay away from each other very long, so we’ll see.”

_______________

The party that Tony insisted on throwing in Yelena’s honor was in full swing when Wanda walked into the room. You froze mid-sentence from your conversation with Bucky as you took in the sight of her in that little black dress you used to love so much. If the smirk on her lips was any indication, she knew what effect that dress had on you as well.

There wasn’t any space left in your mind for conversation after the sight of her. The only thoughts that plagued your mind were thoughts of that same little black dress on your bedroom floor.

With a clearer mind you might have noticed that Vision and Wanda arrived at the party separately.

You couldn’t help but watch Wanda as she talked casually to Sam, yet the thoughts she was sending your way were anything but casual. It made you shift uncomfortably in your seat and completely prohibited you from maintaining a conversation with anyone that approached you. You were just about to go over to the green-eyed woman and drag her to your room.

Until she walked in.

The sultry images rushed out of your mind because they couldn’t find residence when your mind was occupied by something else. And your mind was certainly occupied by the sight of wavy golden hair, mischievous hazel eyes, and a low-cut dress.

You scrambled to put your drink down and walk as casually as you could over to the Russian woman before anyone else could steal her away. “Good evening, Yelena.” You began with a flirtatious smile. “May I just say you look beautiful tonight.”

Yelena grinned back at you but shook her head. “Y/n. You clean up pretty well yourself.”

“Why thank you.” You ran a hand through your hair nervously. “Do you want to get a drink with me?”

Her head tilted slightly, and you had to shake away the parallels. “I don’t think you can keep up.” Yelena teased.

Your mouth went dry. “Try me.” You were finally able to muster. Her eyebrows raised in intrigue as she took your hand and lead you to the bar. Your hands tingled with excitement.

Several drinks later and you were drunk on more than the alcohol that was coursing through your veins.

The more you drank, the more you were able to let down your inhibitions and you found an ease in speaking with Yelena. Her sarcastic nature and quick wit was a breath of fresh air, it wasn’t difficult to keep up with her and she understood your own sarcasm. It was an ease you hadn’t felt it a long time.

“Y/n.”

Her light accent floating into your ears made every thought in your mind grind to an abrupt halt. Then her lips lightly brushed the shell of your ear, and you fell victim to the shivers that ran down your spine. You turned your head to meet her playful eyes and couldn’t help but feel anticipation mount in your chest when she was just a breath away.

No words were exchanged as you just stared at one another, the tension building. Then suddenly it felt like there were too many eyes on you. “Do you want to get fresh air?” You suggested suddenly, holding your breath as the anticipation grew.

Yelena was silent for a moment, almost as if she was enjoying the mounting tension. You bit your lip to hide your smile. “Lead the way.” She finally replied and you breathed out softly.

With a bold grin, you took her hand and led her through the densely packed crowd of people and out onto the empty balcony, the rush of cool air a shock to your overheated body. Slowly, you made your way over to a secluded corner out of sight from the large window.

When you were sure you were out of sight, you turned to face her, not dropping her hand once.

“What made you bring me out here?” She asked lowly, taking a step closer to you, her hand leaving yours only to rest her arms over your shoulders.

You swallowed thickly when you felt her fingers run lightly up and down your neck. Shakily, you placed your hands on her hips and took a confident step closer to her. “I can show you… If you want.”

Yelena leaned forward and you felt the anticipation course through your veins as you became completely drunk on her presence. Rather than feel her lips against yours as you expected, you felt her soft breath against your ear, making you shiver again. “Well… I did only put this dress on so you could take it off.”

She pulled back with a challenging glint in her eye and you had to remind yourself to breath. Without thinking of the repercussions, your hands pulled at her hips, and you eagerly connected your lips to hers, letting out a quiet breath when her hands tangled into your hair.

Her tongue swiped against your lower lip, and you eagerly met her halfway, your hands sliding around her hips until they fell low on her back. Yelena’s hands moved down your shoulders, and you hissed slightly when her nails dug into your skin as she pulled you further into her.

You were at her mercy.

And you were certain you’d lose yourself in this woman entirely if it weren’t for the sudden force you felt push her away from you. “What the hell?” You mumbled dazedly as you met Yelena’s confused stare.

“What was that?” she asked, her voice still husky.

You watched the fading red energy in the space that was now in between you and knew exactly what it was.

Before you could say anything a certain Sokovian woman wandered over with an innocent smile painted on her lips. “Hi, Helena, right?”

The blonde pursed her lips, “It’s actually-”

“I’m going to borrow Y/n really quick if you don’t mind.” Wanda interrupted with a forced smile.

You shook your head quickly to Yelena, “Actually, Y/n and I were in the mid-”

“Great! See you around, Helena!” Wanda interrupted again, taking your hand and dragging you away from Yelena. You were certain she was using her powers to get your legs to move because if she wasn’t you would certainly still be standing in front of Yelena instead of being dragged into the elevator of the compound.

When the doors slid closed you rounded on Wanda, feeling the agitation crawl under your skin. “What the hell was that?” You demanded. “I don’t interrupt you when you’re with the goddamn microwave!”

You could see Wanda’s jaw clench slightly, but she still refused to answer. “Answer me!” You shouted when the silence stretched into minutes. Nothing. You watched her hands clench slightly. The doors to the elevator slid open on Wanda’s floor and she pulled you wordlessly into her room.

“Answer me or I swear to god, Wanda, I will go back to Yelena right now and make you watch every single thing I do to her.” You threatened.

That seemed to get her attention as she rounded on you, her eyes glowing brightly. “You’re mine! Okay? You’re mine!”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “What?”

The other woman advanced on you, and you continued to back away, not wanting to be near her. She couldn’t have that power again. “You are mine. Not hers. Mine.” There was a desperation to her words, and you bit back a groan when your back met the solid surface of the wall.

“Last time I checked I belonged to no one but myself.” You spat out bitterly.

There was heavy silence in the air as you both just stared at one another. Neither willing to back down.

Then she deflated. “Okay.” Wanda nodded and lifted a hand to lightly caress your cheek and you turned away from the touch. She had softened and it unnerved you. “What if I was yours?”

You glared at her. “I’ve heard that before.”

“I am.” She said quietly, pressing into you lightly, making sure her eyes stayed locked on yours. Your heart raced uncomfortably at the sight of her sincerity.

“What?”

Her forehead rested lightly against yours and you hated the intimacy of the moment. Of the shift from rough to gentle. “Yours. I’m yours.” She whispered. “Not his. Yours. You can’t deny what we have here… You won’t find it with her.”

You clenched your jaw. “Who says I can’t try?”

"Do me a favor..." Wanda’s lips began trailing a light path from your jaw down your neck. “Let me show you.” She whispered.

And you didn’t stop her.

Well... That's all, folks! I'm very shy so I won't say much. This is my first time ever writing smut. Um... this is canonically part 2 of my "Good For You" fanfic. Thank you to @abimess for encouraging me to write this because without her this would have stayed a small idea in my notes app. Okay. That's all I will say! As always, I hope you enjoyed!

I'm scared, but let me know your thoughts and comments about this fic! :)

Tag List(Let me know if you'd like to be tagged):

@abimess // @helloalycia // @imapotatao // @madamevirgo // @magicallymaximoff // @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo // @women-am-i-right // @myfavoriteficss // @spicysashimi // @olsensnpm // @theperfectlovestory // @natasha-danvers // @xxxtwilightaxelxxx // @7thavenger // @aimezvousbrahms // @mionemymind // @yourtaletotell

[ericspinkhair]

dirty thoughts from a distance

pairing: dom!changmin x virgin!reader, best friends to lovers, college au!

synopsis: you masturbate while thinking of your best friend and he catches you moan out his name

word count: 3.8k

warnings: maybe slight angst, (getting caught) masturbating, mutual masturbation, sex in general ig

a/n: y'all are crazyy! it has barely been 19 days and I have already hit 100 followers🤧 thank you guys so much for your support and sending in requests!!! everytime I see leave me nice messages I feel so encouraged to keep on writing even though there is still a lot of room to improve and I am not always completely satisfied with what I create. I wish all of you a great day and hope that you stay happy and healthy!!

this chapter is especially dedicated to @bangcrispychannie​ and anon who requested this kind of scenario ❤️

masterlist + requests

for three years you wondered why you hadn't lost your virginity yet. it's not like you didn't have enough opportunities since you had been in two relationships so far, both lasted about five to seven months.

the feelings in your first relationship were been mostly one-sided however.

when a guy in your biology class named Minho confessed his crush for you, you thought that the only logical next step was to become a couple. you were quite flattered that he had taken such an interest in you and believed and hoped you would eventually develop feelings for him as well. the problem was you didn't. after not being able to be emotionally let alone physically intimate with him for a few months into your relationship, he finally confronted you and you confessed that you just couldn't bring yourself to see him that way. your relationship came to an end just before becoming a senior in high school.

in your last year, you got close with Seonghwa. you were seat neighbors in your english class and you'd chat all the time. he was perfectly sweet, smart and funny and you instantly got along just fine. you developed an interest in him and he seemed to feel the same way. he asked you out with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and some chocolate and you agreed to being his girlfriend without much thought. you caught yourself falling in love with this boy and didn't shy away from physical affection such as kissing and holding hands. you were convinced you were ready to give yourself to him during prom night but when it came to it you chickened out. a couple of hours before, you had found out that your best friend changmin had broken up with his girlfriend of six months.

for a long time you hadn't been able to decipher why you hadn't slept with Seonghwa then. as time passed, the unpleasant answer became clearer and clearer: you had brought up your hopes.

you had been best friends with changmin basically since you started elementary school. on the first day, he scared you with a stupid horror mask he had sneaked in from home and made you cry. he felt so guilty and was determined to make it up to you and to become friends. you had been inseparable ever since.

when he got his first girlfriend in junior year you were devastated. you convinced yourself that the reason for that was that you had been scared he was going to replace you as his best friend but in reality you had felt jealousy.

you were suppressing your feelings because if you confessed, things might become awkward. there was no way changmin could ever like you the same way.

all of this became more difficult as you moved in together for college. you were sharing an apartment now and every day, it became harder to avoid your growing and troublesome feelings. your heart would beat faster whenever he walked around shirtless (which was most of the time) and you decided to try to ignore him. this was especially difficult since you wanted to appreciate his physique. when had he become this handsome? changmin had been dancing all his life so he had always been fit but now that he was majoring in it and training most of the time, his body had developed and he had become super toned and his abs were more prominent.

he'd often make his way into your dreams and you'd let him do inappropriate things with you. you'd wake up wet and needy and even more confused. you were ashamed of seeing him this way. this was not how one normally thought about their best friend.

it was a wednesday morning and you were eating breakfast when changmin joined you in the kitchen. he flashed you a big smile, making his pretty dimples appear which you didn't see as you did not look at him.

'good morning, y/n!' he greeted you in a good mood. you just grunted in response, intensely staring at the cereal swimming in your bowl.

the fact that you couldn't even spare him a glance hurt changmin but he tried to not let it show. he wanted to get you to talk to him.

'do you want to watch a movie and play some board games today after class?' he proposed. you hadn't spent a lot of time together ever since you had become aware of your feelings.

'I have an essay due tomorrow,' you quickly made up as an excuse. the corners of changmin's mouth twitched but you didn't notice as you were too preoccupied with doing anything that didn't include looking at him.

'then maybe on the weekend. or next-' 'I'll be busy,' you interjected. 'I have lots to do.' you stressed the lots to emphasize there was absolutely no way you would be able to hang out with him any time soon.

'umm… okay. I'll be going to class.' he told you dejected. your heart sank but you didn't respond. he was wondering whether he had done anything to make you upset but he couldn't wrap his mind around it. this had been going on for a while and he was starting to become desperate.

when you first got the apartment you spent every free minute of the day together, happy that you finally moved out and could be with each other 24/7, but then you stopped talking to him completely out of nowhere. from one day to the other, you would avoid leaving your room when he was outside and barely talked to him anymore. at first, changmin thought you were just stressed and that you'd eventually warm up again when exam season came to an end but a few months had passed and, if anything, the situation was even worse than before.

you were watching the time and after ten minutes you decided to leave for classes as well. you had started doing this so you couldn't possibly catch up to him and risk having a conversation.

'hey, y/n, what's up!' your friend chanhee hugged you when you arrived on campus. you were both majoring in fashion design and were getting along on well since the beginning of the first semester.

you sighed exasperatedly. 'changmin's up.' you puffed your cheeks and pouted. chanhee nodded knowingly. he was the only person who was aware of your little secret and that was only because you had accidentally drunk confessed the whole story to him at your first college party.

'you know maybe you should tell him. this whole thing is clearly not making you happy and I saw changmin walk by a few minutes ago. if I had to guess I'd say he was in an even worse mood than you. someone accidentally ran into him and he pushed them hard and called them names. it's not like him to overreact like this. he's usually super collected. I think you finally managed to break his spirit,' chanhee reported to you.

this had never been what you intended. why did everything have to be so difficult? you didn't want to be the cause of your best friend's unhappiness.

'he must feel like I despise him. but I cannot confess to him, that would be the end of our friendship!' you were constantly torn apart by this dilemma.

'well, if you're not gonna act on your feelings, maybe try to move on? find something casual or serious with someone new? then you'd forget all about changmin and you'd be able to go back to acting normal around him' he suggested.

chanhee's advice didn't sound too bad. if you couldn't get with changmin then you had to de-crush yourself and find somebody different to focus your emotional energy on. but on who?

'is there anyone you could think of?' you ask chanhee. he had great taste in practically everything so you highly valued his opinion.

'hmm, you could potentially try younghoon hyung? I've seen him eyeing you for weeks now and he even told me thinks your gorgeous.' he wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.

younghoon was a pretty art student, whom chanhee knew from high school. you didn't talk to him often, mostly at parties and he wasn't exactly your type but you tried to remember shouldn't judge him by his first impression when you haven't even got to know him.

chanhee pulled out his phone and soon you felt yours vibrate in your back pocket. you looked at him questioningly.

'I sent you his number in case you're interested,' he explained proudly. he put his hand on your shoulder and you could see the concern in his eyes. 'you really need to get over changmin if don't want to confess,' he insisted firmly.

so you decided to text younghoon during class. he was very polite and you thought he was cute as he seemed excited to talk to you. you agreed to hang out sometime to get to know each other and decided to meet up friday for dinner.

after the end of your classes, you walked home to warm up yesterday's leftovers. to your dismay, changmin had also decided to come home for once. since you began acting all weird and refused to eat with him, he usually spent lunch time with his dance mates as they had practice after anyway. why had he decided to come here today? your question was answered when he ran up to you, smiling from ear to ear and you noticed he was hiding something behind his back.

'you know how there is a blackpink concert downtown on friday? guess what!' he held up two tickets. surely you would at least agree to spend time with him if it meant being able to see your favorite group, right?

he must have gone through so much trouble to get tickets for you and since blackpink were your favorite music artists you were actually contemplating on going but then you remembered you had made plans.

'I can't. I'm going out with younghoon friday night.'

'kim younghoon?' he raised an eyebrow skeptically.

'why would you to be spending time together? I didn't know he was even talking to you,' he questioned you. anger was boiling inside of you.

'maybe it's because you don't know everything about me,' you snapped at him. you were aware that you were being harsh but somehow his words hurt you. why did he doubt you? did he think you weren't able to get with someone as awesome and popular as younghoon? did he not consider you pretty enough?

the microwave beeped, indicating your food was ready, making you snap out of your thoughts.

'y/n, I swear, that's not what I meant.' he stepped directly in front of you so you were forced to look at him. you stared deep into his pleading eyes as you closed the microwave door, turned your back to him, stomped to your room and slammed the door shut, leaving changmin behind in the kitchen.

your whole body was tense as you listened closely to any sounds coming from outside and felt relieved when you heard the front door close. feeling sad and depressed always made you feel tired so you decided to take a nap to forget about all the negative feelings.

when you woke up you were horny af. you had a dream about changmin taking you on the kitchen counter and now your panties were completely soaked with your arousal.

desperate, you pulled them down and tossed them somewhere to the side. it didn't matter. you needed relief now.

you closed your eyes as you slowly started rubbing your clit, imagining it was changmin's slender fingers touching you instead. your imagination was running wild and you sped up the tempo.

eventually, you plunged your middle finger and then your index finger inside you, pretending that changmin was stretching your walls with his cock.

you moaned loudly and picked up the pace, chasing your high. oh, how much you wished he was the one making you come.

'yes?' you opened your eyes and gasped loudly as you saw changmin watching you from the doorway. you hecticly pulled up your blankets to your chest to cover your naked lower body. for how fucking long had he been standing there?

'oh fuck, changmin...' you cursed out loud.

to your surpise he laughed. 'oh, is this why you have been so distant? were you embarrassed about imagining doing dirty things with me?' your cheeks were burning red and you were unable to move a muscle.

'you know, if you had told me you were thinking of me while doing it then I could've helped you out already. that would have spared both of us a lot of frustration.' he stepped into the room and pulled the sheets away, his hungry eyes fixed on your desperately dripping pussy. you tried to hide it with your hands.

'n-no… what are you saying? aren't we best friends? ' you couldn't comprehend what was happening right now. the way he was acting was so unexpected that you didn't know how to react or what to say. he brushed his hand over your burning cheeks. his eyes were conveying disparity.

'but what if I told you I don't care? that I like you? that I see you as more than just my best friend?'

'wait, you like me?' you couldn't believe your ears. was he actually reciprocating your feelings?

he groaned in exasperation. 'y/n, why did you think I ended things with my ex out of the blue?' you shrugged your shoulders as you weren't sure. you had thought it was because she had lost interest in him, at least that's what changmin had told you back then.

'because I realized I was in love you, you dumbass. how could I be together with someone if I had feelings for someone else?'

'I actually ruined my chances of having sex with seonghwa for the first time for the same reason. it was just after I had found out about the breakup,' you confessed, relieved that you were finally beginning to make sense of everything.

he climbed onto the mattress and positioned his knees next to your closed legs, leaning his hands on the wall behind you so that he was hovering above you.

'I'm sorry that you lost that opportunity. let me make it up to you,' he whispered with his face mere inches from yours and then kissed you. losing all self-restraint, you immediately pulled his body closer so that he was straddling you. after all these months filled with sexual frustration and just frustration in general, you were desperate for his touch. your hands wandered under his dance shirt and you were finally able to touch those abs you had been secretly admiring for so long.

you broke the kiss to take off both of your shirts and changmin skillfully unclasped your bra.

while his tongue was exploring the insides of your mouth, his hands were kneading your breasts, occasionally rubbing and pinching your hardened nipples. you felt his hard dick press against your lower abdomen as he grinded himself into you to get friction.

after having dreamt about this moment for so long, you felt impatient. this was too good to be true and you were scared that if you didn't act quick, your bubble would bust.

without thinking twice about it, you pulled down the hem of his sweatpants and boxers just far enough so you could easily reach inside and whip out his dick. you stopped for a moment to admire his length. it looked even better than you had ever imagined in any of your wildest dreams.

he sat upright, leaning on the wall behind you, while you stroked his cock. he was sensitive to your touch and not shy to show you how well you were doing by responding with moans.

'fuck, y/n. you're doing amazing.' his praise made you eager to show him just how good you could make him feel. your lack of experience was barely noticeable as the adrenaline flowing through your veins was guiding you.

you tapped his thighs to signalize him to inch closer. that way your mouth had easier access to his dick. you hesitantly licked up his length and were fascinated by how he tasted. wanting to have more of it, you swirl your tongue around his pink tip. changmin eventually became impatient and forced more of his dick inside your mouth so you tried to take as much of him as you could but your gag reflex made it difficult for you. instead, you worked your hands where your mouth couldn't do its job.

not wanting you to feel neglected, changmin reached behind him to stimulate your clit. he skillfully started rubbing all the right places and you moaned around him, sending vibrations through his cock.

he couldn't take this stimulation for much longer before he had to force himself to pull out of your mouth.

'wow, you almost made me come there.' he panted heavily. 'but I want to be inside you first.' you got lost in his touch as he placed a long kiss on your lips but a sudden thought brought you back to reality.

'wait, I don't have a condom,' you informed him embarrassed. you hadn't planned to lose your virginity any time soon so you hadn't bought any. did that mean the end of this wonderful dream?

but changmin laughed light heartedly. 'no need to worry. hold up, let me get some from my room.' you relaxed again as he disappeared and came back shortly with a condom wrapper in his hand.

you were prepared for him to start right away and took a deep breath in preparation but he didn't do anything.

'I don't think it's a good idea to start yet since I haven't even prepared you. the last thing I would want to do is hurt you so just lay back.'

he positioned your legs over his shoulders so your hips were hovering in the air. you felt his warm breath against your vagina before he drove his tongue inside you, seeing for himself how wet he had made you and tasting your arousal. you clasped your hands over your mouth to stop yourself from releasing any sounds.

'don't do that. I want to hear how good I make you feel,' changmin complained.

when he slid two fingers inside you, you couldn't hold it in anymore and let out some kind of aroused squeal. you felt self-conscious but it seemed like changmin was only more eager to please you.

at the same time, his tongue was abusing your swollen clit and it was impossible for you to hold back the curses that were spilling out of your mouth. the pleasure he was making you feel was a whole different sensation from anything else you've experienced before.

'more please, changmin!' you begged. you wanted more. you needed more. you needed him.

he carefully lowered your hips back down. 'are you sure you want this?' he asked you, waiting for you to clearly consent to having sex with him.

'I want you. you, and only you,' you reassured him and brought his face closer to kiss him. changmin's typical bright smile formed and you felt the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

he positioned himself at your entrance, swiping his dick between your folds like a credit card to coat it with your juices.

you gripped his arms tightly as he pushed in. he slowly continued until all of him was buried deep inside you before stopping. the feeling of a whole penis inside of you was very different from your or changmin's fingers. it filled you up to the brim and was rubbing all the good spots. while it initially caused you a bit of discomfort, it wasn't overwhelming and it also felt good in a weird way.

when your walls finished adjusting to his length, he began to steadily move his dick in and out.

changmin intensely studied your face. he couldn't believe that after all those years you were finally close to being his. he wanted to savor every single expression you made while he was inside you.

you wrapped your legs around his torso, trying to push him deeper. he slammed his cock back inside you.

'you are mine,' he declared and started going harder and faster.

'I am yours,' you confirmed and wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him in for a kiss.

because of the extensive foreplay and your own masturbation prior to this, it didn't take long until your walls were tightening around his dick and you felt an orgasm approaching.

driven wild by you clenching around his cock, he thrusted into you even faster. you rested your sweaty foreheads against each other as both of you almost came simultaneously.

changmin kissed the top of your head before he pulled out and threw away the used condom. you opened your arms and he let himself fall right into your embrace.

'I know this might be kind of weird to talk about right now but do you want to be my girlfriend?' Changmin asked you. he still wasn't too sure what all of this meant for your relationship and he desperately needed to know where your mind was at.

'after having liked you for all this time I'd be an idiot to say no.' 'you're an idiot anyway,' he teased. you slapped his arm.

'hey! I'm not the one who ignored you for a couple of months because my hormones are out of control.' you hid your face in the crook of his neck, too embarrassed face him.

'I'm really sorry for that. you just mean so much to me and I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship.' he stroked your hair.

'I do understand that. if I hadn't heard you moan my name today I wouldn't have acted on my feelings either. but all is good now, right?' 'right.' you smiled and placed a small kiss below his ear.

'there is still one thing you need to do,' changmin tried to remind you. you looked at him, puzzled.

'what do you mean?' 'younghoon,' he hinted. you immediately started looking for your phone. that date was definitely going to have to be cancelled. there was no need for you to find a distraction anymore since you had been granted your wish after all.

[bittersweetblasphemy]

#but yeah ADHD meds can be lifechanging and people need to stop treating them like the devil#or like people who need them are just addicts or lazy

god fucking exactly this.

like. i can't even be mad at my parents for not getting me meds. because i sure as fuck wouldn't have taken them when i was younger. (because they're the ones who poisoned me against the very idea of needing medication, which i absolutely can be mad at them for (and am)). because i just thought i needed to be stronger. i needed to will myself to focus.

but yall. my brain would never have done this one its own. no amount of "to do" lists or trying to pavlov myself into certain habits was going to achieve this. my brain literally just didn't function that way. and the difference is fucking stark.

no, medication isn't right for everyone. and no, not everyone who needs it can access it, and not everyone who can access it can take it.

but holy fuck i was not prepared for how right this was for me. and i will never stop being grateful that i can have this.

i am trying very hard not to think about what this could have meant for me if i'd had this in college. because i can already feel there's going to be a lot of very deep grief there. but i'm so so glad to have this now. the future feels so fucking bright. and fuck, i cannot emphasize enough this isn't some euphoria talking. i mean i have finally found the way to sit in the fucking driver's seat in my own damn body. from here on out i'll have a way to take charge when it really fucking matters.

i can stop with all the shit i used to give myself, giving into the idea that i was lazy and that's why i let every opportunity pass me by. i can finally forgive myself for all of those things because i can finally see all of the shit that really genuinely wasn't my fault. there was never anything i could have done on my own to change the way my brain works on a fundamental level. there was never something i could have "done better." it's such a heavy burden that i can finally let go of and i genuinely don't have the words to express the relief that i feel. that level of forgiveness and understanding i can finally grant myself.

good lord, please if any of yall are struggling and think adhd meds might help, this is your fucking sign. forget the stigma. make the appointment. it's your turn to drive.

excuse me it isn't even 9 am but I decided I wanted to get up and get started on the day's chores.

and then I did. I am up and cleaning my house so I'll have the afternoon to relax and do my writing. what is this?????

@ neurotypicals y'all live like this!?!?!?

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Pregnant!Female!Reader) pt. 14

Hannibal reads too much into Max's attempt to reconcile and cult girl revisits her past.

@wisesandwichshark @pearlstiare

Trigger warnings: discussions of death, abandonment, military casualties, emotional abuse

You soon returned to the opera knowing you had nothing to hide. Hannibal selected for you an off-white maternity gown so form-fitting it was practically painted on. He wanted everyone to see that you, his queen, empress and goddess, were carrying his child.

It only took that evening for the whole dynamic to change. Suddenly, you were an expectant new mother. Imogen had been a massive hit, you were planning to go again.

You were affixing your heavy cubic zirconia earrings when you heard a knock at the door. You hesitated, but hurried down the stairs when you saw who it was.

"Max?" You said, upon opening the door. He stood there awkwardly, holding a bouquet of flowers. "Hi?"

"Hey, [F/N]." Max greeted, eyes darting nervously around the porch. "I just came around to apologize in person. I'm sorry I was such a chauvinist prick."

You leaned against the door. "Oh?"

"You were right." He continued. "I don't know what it's like to carry a baby, and, unless something goes very wrong, I never will."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that." You smiled.

"Anyway, these are for you." He said, handing the bouquet over. "They're chrysanthemums."

"Thank you, Max." You said, accepting the flowers.

"Archie and I-" He scratched the back of his head. "We thought that, maybe, if you'd still have us, that we'd name the baby Chrysanthemum. With your permission, of course."

"Like the picture book?" Your face lit up. "With the little mouse girl?"

Max nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, exactly."

You hugged the bouquet into your chest and considered it again. You looked back at Hannibal, who hadn't looked up from his expectant fathers' website for a second all day. He surrounded himself with books about child psychology, attachment theory, developmental behavior patterns and somehow found himself on a tangent about institutionalized misogyny in medicine.

"I'm sorry, Max." You said, sincerely. "I really do appreciate you coming down here and apologizing, but-"

Max put his hands up and gave you a disarming smile. "I understand. Plans change."

"I just really want to stress that it's not you." You assured him. "I've kind of... really grown to like the idea of being a parent. And I think that was Hannibal's plan all along, too."

"I believe a congratulations is in order, then." His voice turned up in delight. "I'm very happy for you. Both of you."

You clutched the bouquet to your chest. "Thank you."

"Well, I'd better get going." He stepped backwards down the stairs. "I've got three pints of Ben and Jerry's in the backseat and Archie'll have my head if I come home and they've melted."

"Max, wait." You stopped him before he could get down the driveway.

"Hm?"

You leaned against the threshold and smiled warmly. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

Max returned the smile. "Of course not."

You waved goodbye and shut the door. You hurried to the kitchen to put the flowers in water before you had to go.

"Who was that, love?" Hannibal asked, half-heartedly. He was still very fixated on his research.

"Max Thomas-Park." You answered, unwrapping the flowers from the decorative plastic.

Hannibal looked up from his computer, but left the room silent for you to fill.

"He wanted to make amends." You explained. You walked across the room to the china cabinet and selected a vase big enough to hold the ornate bouquet. "Brought flowers and everything."

"Chrysanthemums?" He asked, sniffing the air.

"I see your sense of smell is coming back." You commented.

"Interesting selection." He narrowed his eyes on the bouquet.

"Well, he said that was what he wanted to name the kid." You offered. "It was a cute pitch, not gonna lie."

Hannibal shut his laptop and examined the bouquet up close. "If he wanted to express regret, he would have done better to bring you blue or purple hyacinths."

"Well, like I said." You made a point to project a little more. "He said he wanted to name his daughter chrysanthemum."

"Mums are given to show sympathy for those in mourning." Hannibal continued, clearly having his own conversation.

"Hannibal-"

"I think your cousin got her hooks in him and he's planning to--" He cut himself off, lest he speak the unthinkable into reality. "That's why he brought mourning flowers."

"Max Thomas-Park is conspiring with Anna to kill our unborn baby?" You said, flatly, to emphasize how insane he sounded.

Hannibal held a bloom between his fingers and looked closely at it. "It's the kind of hint I would leave. For courtesy's sake."

"I think looking at parenting blogs all day has made you a little paranoid." You observed, knowing full well that an overprotective husband and soon-to-be father of your child was not a bad problem to have. Nevertheless, you shut the laptop and touched his cheek. "Come on. We're going to be late for the opera."

You heaved yourself into the passenger's seat of the car, feeling the seat give beneath your heavy frame. Every time you got into the car, you remembered that you needed to shop for a car seat. The thought just as soon left your mind every time. 

“We need to look for a car seat.” You said as Hannibal shut the door, hoping that he’d remember. 

“I mean,” Hannibal blurted out, still lost in his own conversation. “Max is a cultured and well-educated man. He has to know the implications of his flowers.” 

You huffed, dreading to think that paranoid delusion was symptomatic of his parenting style. “Right. The twenty-seven year old data analyst who graduated with a finance MBA from UChicago is also proficient in the outdated and frivolous language of flowers.” 

“In Italy, mums are only given as comfort for loss.” Hannibal said with undeserved conviction. “Exclusively, [F/N].” 

You rolled your eyes and typed something up on your phone. You raised your eyebrows, feeling a bit proud of yourself for what you found. 

“In Korea, y’know, the country that Max’s family is from,” You corrected. “The chrysanthemum is a symbol of friendship.” 

Hannibal tensed up for a moment, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. It was as if he were trying to break himself out of a trance. “...I’m sorry, darling.” 

“I know you’re scared.” You stared at his profile, trying to make out an expression. “I’m also... pretty scared. But you can’t take it out on a guy who has nothing to do with it.” 

“I am scared.” He affirmed, but the way in which he did was a telltale sign that he wasn’t giving you the full story. 

“Of?” You raised your eyebrow. “Finish the sentence, Hannibal.” 

"I need to keep our baby safe." He answered. "And I cannot in good conscience let her come into the world knowing that someone wants to hurt her. To hurt you."

You sighed. "Hannibal, are you seriously still worried about Anna?"

"Don't underestimate the role privilege and entitlement plays in the decision to commit acts of violence." He enunciated carefully. "You of all people should know that."

"Anna has cultivated such a perfect victim image to project outwardly that even a hint of proactive violence would shatter it." You explained. "She's the poor girl who has things done to her. Her evil cousin ruined her marriage. Her evil cousin destroyed her career. And she's the innocent victim in all of it."

"Logically, I know that you can speak on her behavior with more authority than I." Hannibal admitted.

"No shit." You scoffed. "I had to live with her."

"Can we at least entertain the idea that she has something planned?" He pleaded.

"I'm surprised at you." You said. "You never really struck me as the overly-cautious type."

Hannibal shook his head. "With my own life, I'm willing to gamble. But not when it's you. And not when it's Imogen."

You tensed up. His admitted willingness to put himself in danger unlocked a core memory you had buried deep down. The only thing you knew about your own father was that he was willing to put himself in danger. To go overseas and die for fuck-all instead of live for the child he selfishly created then abandoned. He chose to give his life for oil. You didn't choose to grow up without a father and your mother didn't choose to raise a child without a partner. He made that choice for you.

"Now what are you not telling me?" Hannibal broke you out of your trance. "I know that look, [F/N]."

"Nothing." You shook your head. "You should really not plan on dying anytime soon."

"I promise you, I am not going anywhere." His voice softened. "Least of all, to Iraq."

"Okay, you're a pretty good therapist but you never told me you could read minds." You threw your hands up in defeat. "Are you a psychiatrist or are you Loki?"

"As fun as being the god of mischief would be," Hannibal smiled to himself. "I just happen to have a steel-trap memory and an admittedly quite obsessive fixation on the mental health of the mother of my child."

"I swear to god I never told you about him." You denied. "Not even in passing."

"You didn't have to." He assured you. "Beatrice did."

You were surprised for a fraction of a second until the information sat in your head long enough to realize it wasn’t surprising in the slightest. Beatrice took every opportunity she got to brag about her son's sacrifices. She never once mentioned the sacrifices he forced upon you. Only that her son was a hero.

"Did you get the 'don't believe anything [F/N] has to say about my son' speech?" Your voice flattened in complete non-surprise.

"It was a prepared speech?" Hannibal chuckled. "Pity. I thought I was special."

"She gave it to my first boyfriend." You rolled your eyes. "We were, like, fifteen."

"The root of your psychological issues becomes clearer every time we talk about Beatrice." He commented under his breath.

"I know." You conceded.

He pulled into the parking lot, turned the car off and placed his hand over yours.

"Your father was a coward." He said, bluntly. It was nice to hear what had been echoing in the back of your head out loud for once. "I know no country to serve. No god to glorify. I promise, you have the whole of me. My mind, body and soul belongs to you and our child."

You squeezed his hand. "I couldn't ask for anything else."

[jiminrings]

OKAY LISTEN idk if someone or you already planned sth like this but how about y/n finally decides to confess/tell jk but someone else claims to be her before she could do it so * cue to the angst bc y/n sees the whole thing/she hears from her friends * and ofc koo eventually finds out bc that b*tch doesn't even have the fucking lunchboxes 😑

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

stem koo's the three-peat king for having the best research papers, but he's the worst when it comes to believing the right person

"i think i'm gonna tell him."

you say it to no one in particular, really, but you hear yoongi rISING from his nap on the couch

it wasn't meant to wake him at all

it was just an epiphany of sorts that popped into your head

physically felt as if your head would just bursT if you didn't say it out loud to affirm your own thoughts lmao

"for real???" he's rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, very evident that he wouldn't wake up to finish his thirteen pending assignments but he 10/10 would wake up to hear your epiphany

yoongi is awake for the action!!!! lmao does professor roux from calculus think that he wakes up at the morning and doing shapes (or whatever they teach at calc) is the fIRST thing in his mind????

"interesting," he nods solemnly when you nod your head, reaching out for a fist bump before he plops to your shoulder, "i suggest dressing like a virgin wearing H&M when you confess. it would hit close to home."

yoongi's the touchy affectionate one between the two of you but you'll forgive him bc he's still sleepy

NOOOOOOO

jungkook doesn't look like a virgin wearing H&M :((((

his clothes aren't from there lol

"pass."

"say that you're a top verified contributor both in quora and brainly."

PLEAAAAAASE SJWHSHWHHWV

"nice idea," you snort as yoongs genuinely thinks that it'd get jungkook to propose on the spot, "but no cigar."

"pretend to love big bang theory."

"you're getting onto something here."

"your hobby is fact-checking rick and morty."

"yoongi wow you are on fIRE today-"

"your guilty pleasure is not wearing protective gear during experiments."

"where is this coming from??"

"OH!!!! i'll pretend to mug him or something and you can attack me!!!"

....

??????

yeah yoongi's train of thought just crashed

you were pretty sure he was going on a science theme there wHY DID IT DERAIL

yoongi looks confused because you look confused, as if he didn't just give you the mindblowing idea,, free of charge

lol but no he really didn't

"i'm not doing any of that shit, yoongs."

"oh yeah???" he squints at you and hollows his cheeks, taunting you entertainingly while he worms his way to your lap to nap again

"what are you planning to do?"

holy sHIT this is nerve-wracking

she feels like she's gonna pass out the whole time that she's been rehearsing this in her head

she's been waiting outside the classroom for twenty minutes now and the bell finally rang and she can't believe it!!!! omg is it game-time now

everyone's filing out of the room and she could just feel that jungkook would come out of the room last-

ALRIGHT FUCK THE BELL RANG

you could do this!!!!

everyone's filing out of the room and you know in your heart that jungkook would stay behind, his routine being to politely chat with the professor before he leaves

you're a lil nervous alright

you're scanning the room and there's only a few people left and your eyes instinctively go to the mini desk next to the door and-

FUCK

DID YOU FORGET TO BRING IT HOME YESTERDAY??????

goddamn it

yesterday was when coach jeong was mad because someone from your team just hAD to bring beer!!! and not even have the common sense to put it on a discreet thermos or sth and you know!!!! to not drink it in public or in front of the coach!!!!

doing laps on the oval field will now make you hurl on command just by thinking about it

you physically did not have the cognizance to go and fetch the lunchbox to wash it,,,, or like even move at all

FUCK IT

how are you gonna swipe the lunchbox now? now when the professor's packing up, jungkook's loitering around the classroom, and there's this girl who's-

wait

who's this girl??

who is she and wHY IS SHE EYEING THE LUNCHBOX

fuck it!!! here goes nothing

she's stepping completely into the room and making sure her block heels generate enough clacking,, hands already moving in practiced moments as she attempts in making it seem like she's rushedly putting the lunchbox bag into her tote — as if it's from there, and she's always done this

jungkook hears noises coming from the back of the room, eyes widening before he comes up the stairs in record time

"no. get your own."

he grips the girl's wrist, about to pry off her hands from his lunchbox

he hears her giggle sweetly, the melody being something he's heard before

"i did. after all, i did get you these."

:O

"hyeji?"

hyeji's a pretty girl!!! a nice girl in jungkook's year that wears fit dresses and cartier bangles :D

she stands out really, sometimes literally because she appears in the school's flyers and advertisements

"hyeji," jungkook breathlessly connects the dots including the fact that she looks caught in the act; holding his lunchbox, her tote bag open, and a peek of another completely different lunchbox in her other hand, "i-it's been you this whole time?"

hyeji blushes, sheepishly tucking her perfectly shiny and neat hair behind her ears, "you caught me then."

kook laughs both in nervousness and giddiness, pushing his glasses up and suddenly conscious that he should've worn contacts, "b-but how? we don't share this class."

:O

hyeji bursts into a giggle, blushed cheeks staining further than the five minutes she tried getting the perfect amount

"r-right! kinda amazing what depths you'd go for a person you like, hm?"

jungkook is about to pass out

HE'S PUT IN A SITUATION

a situation that he likes and is too giddy to find a reply for

he apparently doesn't need a reply, because a chair scrapes harshly against the floor and it brings him down to reality immediately

you cannot fucking believe what you just witnessed

you stand abruptly from the seat you've been frozen in with a great deal of urgency because you cAN'T stand to be in this room any longer

they actually forgot that the two of them aren't alone

that you're still here

little miss hyeji's just as shocked

you feel stupid and even more stupid that you're still holding a stupid notebook you even decorated

it has a doodle in the front and all the remaining pages are of the copies you've replicated on jungkook's sticky notes — the same ones you've been trying to make perfect just for him

"y/n!" he sputters when your backpack accidentally leans too much to your side and hits him on the way out

"move."

you’re feeling everything but fine and god you just hated that you always willed yourself to move oN

you’re beyond mad when you put on your jersey!!!

you’re irrevocably dejected when you put on your cleats!!!!

you feel cheated on when you zip up your duffel and walk all the way to the field!!!

it’s a combination of the type of frustration that makes you want to move plus the type that paralyzes you, the whole thing unlike anything you’ve ever felt before

you’re clearly in your head and frankly, you’re just too good

too good that there's no game at all because the only thing happening is you scoring

there's no passing going on or the sort

everyone is just :O looking at their captain to be in the most furiously determined state that they’ve ever seen you in

you don’t even realize that you’re the oNLY one moving in the whole field

“alright, alright — jesus christ! go to the bench and sort your head out, captain,” coach jeong literally has to JOG over to your spot to jolt you

oh there he is again

jaehyun just had to bench you didn’t he

sometimes it’s lost on you that jaehyun, just like seokjin, used to be your senior

he hated juniors with a burning passion and you’re the ONLY one he’s taken a tolerance for

((you lent him your umbrella and it coincidentially had to be a bad day for him tHEN that made him like you))

you’re having none of it though because this time, you’re the one who has the bad day and the captain title does nothing to appease you

“sure, coach.”

you mumble just as lively and walk to completely the fURTHEST side of the bleachers, being so far out that you could barely see your team

what are you supposed to do? simmer in the thoughts you so badly didn’t want to have in silence??????

"y/n?"

the voice you least expected to hear perks up right next to you

what the hell is jungkook doing here now??

he looks lost, two hands clinging onto his backpack straps before tentatively looking at you again

“did i do anything to upset you?”

so he wants to ask that?

you snort automatically, suddenly wishing that you didn’t walk this far because you can’t make an excuse that jaehyun’s calling for you

"because my bag accidentally hit you on the way out? no, jungkook."

jungkook knits his brows in question, seemingly take offense to what you’ve just said to hom

"we're not exactly associated for me to be mad at you, are we?" you emphasize even further, not caring the least bit that your words have an edge to them

he deadpans, pursing his lips before sarcastically smiling at you

".... so you're upset at me?"

://

jungkook takes your silence for him to delve further, not paying attention to how your eye is begging to twitch at him

"i asked if i did anything to upset you, and you said no. but that doesn't necessarily mean you aren't. you could be upset at me even if i didn't do anything to you."

wow

you sound like a real fucking nerd jungkook

"do you have any idea how condescending you sound right now?"

kook barely has a solid inch on you yet the nagging feeling that he’s belittling you makes you grip your fists tight, posture wavering

"so you do admit that you're upset at me?"

he’s not the most patient person either but something about you and the situation right now just makes him tick a little faster

your eyes narrow at what he’s aiming to get at, your hand on your hip feeling heavy at this point

"what does it matter to you if i'm upset or not? we are not-"

"i am associated to you!!! even to a degree!!! you walked me home!"

jungkook is the one who breaks first and he doesn’t look fazed to have opposed you so loudly, still standing by himself

"i would walk anyone home."

"no you wouldn't-"

"i would walk anyone who was as vulnerable and as anxious as you were, jungkook!!"

it is true

you’d walk anyone home within reason regardless if they were jungkook or not!!!

the guy in question only looks at you straightly, brows not stubborn but still just as unrelaxed

:((

"good to know. then you're not upset at me, and i didn't do anything to upset you."

"sure."

you only say just to spite him, about to turn your back and leave him completely to go back to your practice game

jungkook surprises you again and flips a switch just as quick as your mini argument of sorts escalated

"anyways!! i'm sorry for being a little off when i interviewed you that day. i got a 100 on that assignment, by the way :))"

what?

what’s he still doing here?

he’s talking about his grades and whatnot to you as if literally twenty seconds ago did nOT happen!!

"why are you still-"

"and the one who's been giving me my lunchboxes confessed to me today!! for hyeji to be the girl giving me them, it makes perfect sense."

you shrug away the weirdness that jungkook’s moved on from the argument as fast as this, trying a take two for a peaceful conversation

this time, you’re the one who unknowingly flips a switch at her name — something so foreign and sudden yet something you quickly grew to hate

"i wouldn't be so trusting if i were you."

that seems to hit a nerve on him again, making him scoff in reply

"good thing you aren't me then."

what is ON with him????

"watch it. i'm your senior, kid."

you’re more irritated than the first and second time around that you’ve been agitated this day

"why? are you normally this self-absorbed that you wouldn't trust a girl who's confessed??"

self-absorbed?

you aren’t the most selfless person ever but god do you know for a fact that you’re not vain as jungkook’s insisting you to be

you hate him.

you hate this version of him that isn’t the same jungkook you’ve known to like ever since the start of the semester

"same thing as polygraphs not being a hundred percent reliable. anyone could tell the truth as long as you ask the wrong questions," you detail on further because jungkook loves details, right? might as well give him several

"or did you even ask?"

jungkook scowls as if you’ve insulted his mother and his entire lineage, face contorting into everything but warm

"what does it matter to you? didn't you just tell me that we aren't associated? why are you projecting all your moaning on hyeji?"

WHAT

WHAT????

"you know what? maybe i am associated to you. i think i'd also tell this to everyone i'd walk home — maybe you shouldn't be too trusting, huh? maybe you shouldn't just let anyone walk you home."

the tears this time are more insistent to come out this time but you’d rather dIE than for jungkook to stain your pride like this

"no one should walk me home, besides you? is that what you're trying to say?"

no!!

for fuck's sake you aren't even finished with your point!!

before you could continue, jungkook shakes his head at you — the most disappointing shake of his head that it curses you soft

"what am i even doing? you wouldn't understand."

he closes the distance that’s been alarmingly shorter throughout the whole time, jungkook being the one to break it

"because no one gives you lunchboxes. no one exerts effort in making you cheerful — no one wants to go the extra mile for you, and no one wants to walk you home."

he's insulting you right to your face and that’s when your dam breaks, lips quivering impossibly as you stare him down with a genuinely pained gaze you didn’t know you carried

"you wouldn't know what i feel, because no one likes you."

jungkook gets the last word in.

he leaves you in the same field he's first approached you in nervousness.

today, he leaves it differently.

sweat isn't the only thing on your face but instead it’s the frustrating hot tears you haven’t had in awhile

your fists are balled but there's no power to the anger behind it

you’re almost always alone outside the company of the closest friends you’ve ever had — but this is the only time that you truly felt that you are alone.

today's a good day to give up on jungkook.

[salsdemise]

Can I request a Sally face x reader fic? Possibly a confession and first kiss an da party or something like that, thank you!

Hey anon, sorry if this is bad, I'm assuming you meant sal, and if not just lmk and I'll re-write this for another character if you want.

Warnings: Underage drinking, underaged smoking, parties, y/n used in place of your name, really awkward with the confession part? idk how to write those

word count: 1479

other: gender neutral terms used, sal's speech is in blue bc sometimes its unclear whos talking bc i didn't know what to put between the words spoken lol playlist listened to while writing: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5SMv6Go27KIcbfL07wkQ4m

This party wasn’t where you wanted to be right now. Hell, you’d rather be at school, getting pushed around by the kids in the hall right now. Anywhere was better than this loud, flashy,party filled with the smell of cigs, weed, alcohol and sex wafting off of every teen you passed.

Why you had come to this party in the first place had slipped your mind, as now you were more focused on not getting backed into a corner with a potted plant by a group of your peers. Maybe it was because your friend Larry wouldn’t shut up about how fun it was going to be, maybe it was because you would have felt bad saying no, or maybe it was because you certainly weren’t going to pass up on an opportunity to potentially hang out with Sal Fisher, your long time crush and close friend.

Holding your now empty red cup, you navigated your way through the crowd of drunken and dancing teens, most who were nice and giggly as you passed, slurring apologies at you if they bumped you.

While you weren’t all sober yourself, you had enough remaining cognitive ability to form full thoughts, and the only one on your mind was finding one of two people; Sal or Larry. You had no doubt Larry was off smoking with gods know who, so that left one option, and if your brain wasn’t mistaking you, you had seen the electric-bluenette near the door to the backyard in the kitchen not too long ago. So that’s where you set your sights.

When you arrived at the kitchen, you were happy to know that you were indeed correct on where you had last seen Sal, just outside on the patio, sitting hunched over a cup, the bottom straps of his prosthetic undone and dangling. Murmuring a few ‘excuse me’s at the teens you passed on the way, you made your way out to the back, opening and exiting the door and catching the bluenette’s attention. Seating yourself next to him, you said nothing, not sure of what to say.

“Didn’t think you’d actually show. Lar said you were coming, but I thought he was bluffing again,” Sal spoke, sipping on his drink.

You laughed at this, “yea, no, he actually convinced me to come. Not sure how, but he did. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d see you here either. You always talk about how much you hate parties, especially ones that have inebriating drinks,” you set your cup down next to you, and a small breeze knocked it over as soon as your hand left it.

“I don’t, hate em. Managed to get someone to get me something non-alcoholic, though. What have you had to drink?” He motioned to your, now rolling, red cup to emphasize.

“Oh, nothing too strong. They had a punch bowl in there so I took some of that,” thinking back to it as you spoke, it was odd the hosts of this party put a punch bowl out at a party with no need for it. However, you and Sal both seemingly shrugged it off and continued talking.

Conversation between the two of you had always come so naturally, switching between topics and tones, talking about people, your home state, his home state, and the likes.

“Man, I cannot believe he did that! It was like, super awkward between us for a week,“ you laughed, finishing a story about how Larry had tried to ask you out when high. Luckily the guy wasn’t too upset and took no for an answer.

“Hey, y/n, about asking people out...have you ever done it?” Sal questioned, messing with his sweater sleeves now that his drink was gone and his cup had also flown off.

“Oh, uh, not like, here at Nockfell, but in the past I asked a guy in my grade to go to a valentine’s day dance with me. Why?” you responded, tilting your head at him.

“I want to ask this person out, but I’m not sure how.”

“Oh. Well, what do they like? How long have you known them? And how close are you two? You can’t just ask out a random person you barely know, it won’t go well.”

“Well, they like a lot so it’s...kinda hard to put into words. I’ve known them for years now, and I’d like to say we’re pretty close.”

Thinking, you went quiet. As much as it hurt you to know your crush liked someone else, you were going to help him as best you could.

“Well, I’d give them a note, personally. I’d probably piss myself if I tried to tell them upfront. But it depends on how you wanna do it.”

Sal quietly thinks for a few seconds before standing up and fixing his mask, “Thanks for your help dude. We should get going, I’ll go find Larry and we can get out of here.”

You nod, standing and following Sal back into the house, heading for the front door while Sal went off to find Larry. With your mutual friend acquired, you all left for home, depositing Larry at his place and heading to your own beds, tired now that the social buzz had worn off.

Over the next week, you and Sal talked less and less, notes popped up in your locker, and small things like patches, stickers, pins and snacks appeared with them. You were confused to say the least. You loved everything this admirer gave you, and the notes were adorable, even if they were typed and printed rather than hand written, but you wondered why Sal had stopped talking to you as often as he did.

As the weeks progressed, you had started to like the secret admirer that was leaving you small gifts and notes reminding you how much they liked you. But the most recent note, which you had gotten on a sunny and warm Wednesday, really caught your attention. This time, it was handwritten in blue pen ink, the handwriting surprisingly neat, completely eliminating who you thought it was.

The note read: “y/n, meet me in the courtyard during lunch/break time. -<3”, and not wanting to disappoint, you waited with an uneasy shake until lunch came around where you went straight to the courtyard. Seeing no one, you sat on the ground by a tree to wait until your secret admirer got there.

10 minutes later, the heavy doors opened and closed with a thud, catching your attention and causing you to look up where you saw Sal, mask in hands, and looking down.

“Sal? Are you the one that wanted to meet me here?” You were..puzzled to say the least. Sal had hardly talked to you in weeks, and you thought he liked someone else like Ash, but it seems you were mistaken.

“Uh, yea, I am. I know you’re..probably upset at me for not talking to you in the past few weeks, but I didn’t want to say something stupid too soon. I hope you’re not too mad..”

“Sal, I’m not mad. I thought you were busy trying to get your mystery person to like you..and I guess I was right, but I didn’t think it’d be me..”

“Who else would it have been? You and I are as close as Larry and I are, we like the same things and I’ve known you since you got here. Hell, I’ve been pining over you for years now, but last year when Lar told me he was gonna try and shoot his shot, I tried to get myself to like Ash so I wouldn’t feel like shit if you said yes.”

“Oh, Sal. I thought it was Ash, you talk so much about her sometimes, I thought you actually liked her.”

“Oh, no, I don’t. She helped me with this, actually. Which reminds me, if its not obvious already, I really fucking like you. Like, you make me feel happy and just thinking about you makes me feel like I’m on cloud nine.”

Smiling at his words you stood to go over to him, putting your hands on his shoulders so he would look up at you, “I like you too, Sal. Like, a lot. I have for a while, and when you asked how to ask someone out,I..it hurt a little bit.”

Saying nothing at your words, Sal moved forward and wrapped you in a hug, his mask landing in the grass behind you two. Before you could return the hug, Sal backed up and his hands grabbed your face pulling you in for a kiss. Giving you time to react this time, you kissed back, your hands placing themselves over his.

Now, sitting at a college party with your boyfriend, you think to yourself, ‘Maybe parties aren’t so bad after all.’

[ulirblood]

Medbay Tasks

nagaficat​:

bxldrsdraumar​:

When Deirdre had fallen in battle, Sigurd had done everything he could to stay by her side, transport her to the medical tent promptly, and had clung to her worried out of his mind. Still, he had been proud of his wife – the fight she had put up was spectacular! He looked at her and felt the warmth radiating from his heart – that was his wife. 

She had asked him to fetch her some things – a blanket, some ice – and he had obeyed unquestioningly, despite not knowing exactly where to get these things, and the medics in the tent were quite busy enough without him bothering them. And so, rather inadverntantly, he had gone on a bit of a journey to find these things. The blanket turned out to be the easiest – a trunk at the foot of a cot provided a camp blanket, which he tucked under his arm to find the second, and more difficult, item: ice. 

A glance around the tent proved useless. Where exactly was one to find ice on a battlefield?ield? He poked about, hither and thither, seeking out the usual places that might make sense: the camp coolers where tonics and vulneraries were kept, a separate smaller tent where he had seen that lady instructor go into and come out of to procure juice boxes and orange slices for the combatants, and a part of him even considered making the trek all the way back up the ravine to the archbishop’s side to see if there was a lead there. 

In the end, though, he found a willing mage who had not exhausted their energy, and begged a favor: “Would you please use your magic to create some ice? For my wife? I beg of you." 

And so, tokens in hand, Sigurd weaved his way back through the field, making the journey back to the medical tent. Of course, popular as he was, he could not help but be stopped – combatants and knights and medics alike that knew his legend, those who seemed to know him as a person, and even the occasional battle which had him transfixed. 

Eventually, he shook of his enchantment, and his lovely wife was in view. Ah! And she was even seated beside a dear friend of his, the lady Edain – he emphasized the name in his mind, scolding himself that he had ever forgotten it to begin with. 

"My Deir, I have retu – oh.” He crouched beside Deirdre, setting aside the bundle of ice and blanket, and took her hands in his. Her face had contorted in such distress! He pressed his forehead against hers. “My darling. There is nothing to be ashamed of in your loss. You fought so valiantly, and I am so proud of you. Here." 

Tucking the blanket about her shoulders and gently pressing the ice into her hands, he chucked at her chin with a crooked finger. "Are you in pain, my Deir?” Here, Sigurd turned to smile at the lady Edain, his brow creased in worry. “I want to thank you, my lady. I know that you have taken such good care of my lady wife in my absence. I am sure that she has found much solace in your kindness, as I’m sure I have in the past. You are a dear friend to us - ” his hand found Edain’s and squeezed gently, “ - always." 

Sigurd pushes back the privacy curtain and kneels next to his wife and, for the first time, Deirdre finds herself wishing he was anywhere but her side. First she has lied, now she regrets the presence of her love. She is not quite sure who she is right now and she does not like it.

He dotes on her. Of course he does! He has always jumped at every opportunity to care for her and make her comfortable. Right now she is unsure if she even deserves it.

"My pain, yes.” She turns her head away from him. She cannot bear to look into those earnest, blue eyes of his. “That is it. Lord Sigure is a fine archer. I am simply sore and tired.”

The cup of ice rattles softly as her hands shake in her lap. Sigurd sings praises of Edain’s friendship toward them but he does not know. He does not know that, for the first time in her life, someone close to her has disagreed with her. And she does not know how to process the feelings she has surrounding that.

@ulirblood

edain blinks, looking over at the privacy curtain as it is pulled back. she had almost forgotten that sigurd was going to return— but it’s a nice reminder that sigurd only deserves the truth. even if it will hurt either of them. even with the heavy topic, she is able to chuckle at the sight of sigurd doting on deirdre. 

to see deirdre crying is no easy scene to take in, but the woman must be told no sometimes. it is like scolding a child who has never been scolded before— her heart hurts but it is a lesson that must be learned eventually. 

she knows too however that the secret deirdre hides is not an easy one. a soft sigh, edain pulls away from sigurd as she stands up from the cot. “thank you lord sigurd.” a small smile is granted his way before she glances over at deirdre.

“lady deirdre, please remember what i told you about the pain.” it is not quite a sentence that sigurd will be able to catch onto the hidden meaning of, but deirdre is sure to understand. 

she will give deirdre the chance to tell him, but if she must, edain will tell sigurd herself. she rather bear that pain then have someone with potentially nefarious intentions tell sigurd the ‘truth’. then her attention turns toward sigurd. “lord sigurd, please take of your wife as lovingly as you always have. listen to everything she has to tell you.” it’s a bit cryptic in nature, but they are sure to be words to help them both.

“i must go attend to the other students now. “ the priestess bows politely, lingering for a moment before leaving to give them some privacy. if she can make it a moment between only them, than she will.

@bxldrsdraumar

[kiwi--bot]

Patterns

Rating: T Words: 2,872 Warnings: Blood, Injuries, Al-An doesn’t understand emotions very well. Summary: Al-An prefers when things fall into an easily recognizable pattern. It’s how data forms, it’s easier to work with, and less surprises make it easier to remain efficient. Robin is a rogue bit of code in the set sequence.

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Indeed, it had been quite some time since Al-An was allowed to exist in any dimensions outside of their temporary isolation. And truly, Robin had done well in the fabrication of an Architect form that would suit their needs to relocate the pair off the planet, and return to their home with the remedy for the Kharaa Bacterium; for the Architects of their home world.

Unfortunately, following the reconstruction of their new form, Al-An is hit with the immediate problem that their supposed mode of transportation has... degraded over time; and they are quite lacking really on the resources department. Countless amounts of bits and bobs, here and there, that simply corroded over the years, or just did not operate further. And every small tick of a list of issues added up to an inoperable phase gate. Yet Robin-- ever so helpful Robin-- offers to help collect whatever Al-an could need to repair their ship.

“Always together, even if you’re not stuck upstairs anymore,” She had joked, tapping the side of her head in an emphasized way. How Al-An could only think of how true that statement was...

And so, life on 4546B settled into somewhat of a steady, even pace for Robin and Al-An.

Robin relocates her primary base to the facility where Al-An prepares for convenience’s sake. She wakes up late in the morning, and Al-An’s learned to get a cup of coffee steaming hot and settled at her nightstand at precisely 13:29. This in turn helps her wake up and become functional no later than 13:50-14:00, depending on how late she was up the previous night.

Following that, Al-An fabricates a nutritious meal of her choosing, and it’s set onto a table-- or, a section of the facility that’s been repurposed into a table-- and she eats before she heads out for the day to find the resources needed. (And always, Al-An makes sure that there’s a fabricated meal packed away in a thermally-controlled container for her to take along.) And like clockwork, Robin is back at 22:22 with her Seatruck stuffed to the brim with all the supplies she could find.

And usually Al-An has to check her for injuries or parasites and she just grins when they comment on how inefficient her resource-gathering is if she must hurt herself every single time. “Awww, you just like to fret over me, Al-An,” she coos as they utilize their on-hand medical devices to knit up skin from a rather nasty bite.

“I do not fret, I observe,” Al-An states plainly, and Robin rolls her eyes, only wincing a little when Al-an has to wipe over another puncture with that strange antiseptic gel, and the skin closes under the heat of that magic little tool that Robin has yet to scan. “And I know that humans are one of the most fragile things that get in more trouble compared to any living creature I have yet to meet.”

“I’m gonna talk that as a compliment, Al-An.” Robin flexes out her wrist once the wound is all sealed up, the only reminder a faint scar left in the wake. She flashes a grin at the Architect, who would promptly turn back to what they had been working on prior before they needed to patch her up.

At 27:00 or 28:00, Al-An ceases working for a short period-- one Robin requested so that they don’t overwork themselves. Of course, an Architect cannot really do such a thing as ‘overwork,’ but Al-An humors her. And Robin’s meal is fabricated and settled on the table no later than 28:50. She used to always request Al-An eat dinner with her-- and although they do not eat like she does, they sit nonetheless at her side.

And Robin will scroll through her PDA and read the day’s logs once again, chewing hear and there and really making an inefficient use of her time as she often does. But humans like to be that way-- leisurely, as Robin once corrected them-- and so Al-An will not question it again.

She always leans back against the stone of the her temporary seat, shrugging and shuffling and making a good amount of noise that could startle even the most focused Architect from their endeavors. Over time, she would unconsciously lay against Al-An’s side, and that often settled her, so they would not comment.

If they had to admit something, the pressure therapy from her body weight was a welcome one, given they did not have the proper tools to recreate such things.

Robin turns into bed anywhere from 1:00-3:00; it will depend on what areas she visited, and what the day’s events involved. And she will bid Al-An goodnight with a smile and pat on their arm, before she retreats to her bed. Although, she doesn’t really go anywhere, because her ‘room’ is just a small section of the facility adjacent to where Al-An primarily works.

She’s fabricated herself a bed, some storage, and even hung up some curtains to block out the steady glow of the facility. It’s a small little space that reminds Al-An of how Architects would furnish the habitats of subjects they used for research.

Peculiar.

And this is how their pattern would fall into, resetting each day at 13:29 with the first coffee of the day. Al-An finds the repeating pattern of each day, as Robin would put it.... soothing. Did Architects even need to be soothed? Historically?

No. And yet Al-An could not help but find this... calm, inside the promise of the known. Perhaps it was a way for them to deal with the fact that they might not know what would await them on the other side of the phase gate, where they would have to face their people, and answer for their mistakes. Perhaps that reason is why they can now find solace and even comfort in something as simple as a daily pattern.

How the other Architects would be baffled at the thought. The very notion of it was so unlike them all. Al-An would have to blame Robin for this, at the very least.

Merging with her cerebral cortex must have changed something in their emotional status....

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And with the promise of a steady pattern, Al-An could find each day predictable enough to not impede any portion of their work. They worked quickly to repair what needed repairs, to adjust what needed adjusting, to alter what needed altering.

Steady. Steady. Steady. Repeat.

The illusion of this pattern gets shattered when 22:42 arrives one evening, and Robin is not yet home. Al-An, logistically, should be business as normal. She could have gone farther, she could have had a small set-back, she could have gotten distracted. But when 23:22 arrives, and Robin is still not home, Al-An finds they cannot work.

The data rolls in front of their vision as normal, the facility is operating at 100%, and they have spent the better part of this week weaving data in such a way that it is second-nature. But their hands do not move, their gaze is transfixed on the door, and the progress of their work is stunted.

She should be back by now. She should have been back exactly 60 minutes ago.

Al-An cannot work. They shut off their normal programs and instead set up a long-range scan. It puts them off schedule immensely, but they, for once, cannot find it in them to care about inefficiency. It takes 20 minutes for the scan to prepare, and the entire time, Al-An keeps their gaze on the door. Like Robin will burst in any second, with a couple new wounds, yes, but here, and alive.

Robin does not enter the door by the time the scan is online at 23:42.

Robin does not enter the door as the scanner searches at 23:43.

Robin does not enter the door as the scanner searches at 23:44.

Robin does not enter the door as the scanner searches at 23:45.

Robin is not home as the scanner searches at 23:46.

Robin is not home safe as the scanner searches at 23:47.

Robin is not home safe as the scanner searches at 23:48.

Robin is not home safe as the scanner searches at 23:49.

Robin must not be safe as the scanner finds her at 23:50.

Al-An must prepare for the worst, even as they wish to leave as soon as the scanner reads her biosignature in the Arctic. No good in retrieving her if they do not have food, medical supplies, warmer clothing, an extra hair tie-- she always complained when her current one would break-- and anything else humans needed when they were potentially in distress--

No.

Robin is not in distress. The very thought has the Architect frozen to the spot, a flicker of something so unfamiliar buzzing through them. She is fine, just delayed. Off-schedule, off-pattern. No matter, Al-An will locate her and then they will both repair that.

They finish collecting everything needed into a neat pack, and just as they prepare to put the facility into lockdown, there’s a familiar faint splashing, and then footsteps padding across a stone floor.

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It is 24:17 when Robin Ayou enters the Architect facility she calls home with her arm crudely wrapped in a sling and her leg leaving a trail of blood. But nonetheless, she’s got the same grin on her face, and carries something sharp in her uninjured hand. She’s limping.

“Al-An!” She calls, her voice loud and full of excitement. She’s stumbling over her own feet, and Al-An blinks to her side to catch her with the beam of their mechanical arm, lifting her right off the ground. She doesn’t notice how their posture is tight and tense, instead waving the sharp object in her hand. “Al-An I did it! I fought off one of those Shadow Leviathans and I freaking won!”

Al-An does not reply.

“It tried to eat me, Al-An!” Robin’s arm waves wildly in her excitement, and she doesn’t protest when Al-An brings her to the empty table to seat her, once again getting to work on mending what is broken. Her injured arm has several gashes in it: some down to the bone, and covered messily with plant matter. Al-An removes those and starts on sterilization.

“It yanked me by the arm, but I was quick-- I stabbed him right in the eye, and I held on, because he was pulling me towards his mouth!” She grins wider, adrenaline masking any pain from the antiseptics, or how the beam begins to knit the skin and muscle back to one piece. “I lost my grip on my knife, but I grabbed his spine-- or whatever those glowing things on his belly are-- and I held on and kicked him right in the stomach!”

Al-An silently redirects attention to her leg, where acidic liquid had eaten through her suit and burned the skin-- not too horribly, but bloody. That is treated next.

“And then I must of hurt him bad, because he let me go, but not before I yanked and yanked on those spine things-- And look! I got it, I ripped one clean off!” She’s talking quickly, her body thrumming at the thrilling tale, and feeling so alive. “I felt bad at first, but then I remembered that he tried to eat me, so I shrugged it off, and he backed off after I ripped off this. I won, Al-An! Against a freaking Shadow Leviathan!”

Robin laughs, slapping her now healed hand against her forehead and grinning wildly. “God, I thought for sure I was a goner when I didn’t take the prawn suit down--”

“And why didn’t you, Robin?”

They are both startled by the tone of Al-An’s voice. And Robin finally realizes that Al-An is stiff, mechanical in how they treat her-- so different from the almost caring way they usually do. And they are glowing a sickly yellow color, their gaze transfixed on her wounds as the mechanical arm fixes up the burns on her leg.

“I-I.....” Robin is at a loss, her eyes now locked onto them. “I.... don’t know.”

An uncomfortable silence falls between them. Al-An finishes up work on her leg, and then does a general scan over her to make sure they didn’t miss any other wounds. Processing, methodical, even.

Something is wrong, Robin thinks. Even now, as they seem to pull away from the situation, the same sickly color tinges the edge of her vision. Robin catches their arm as they turn to assess her findings, and she doesn’t miss how they tense.

“Al-An....” She begins, but stops. She can’t find the right thing to say. It all feels wrong. Like anything she says next won’t be the right thing to say. But she tries with, “Are you okay?”

“That is hardly a question you should ask me, Robin.” Al-An’s voice has gone back to the same, even tone as when they first met, but it’s all off. Too even, too tight. Like there is something beneath the surface, just hiding and waiting to strike like an Ice Worm. “You should ask yourself that. You were the one who was injured. Sustaining traumatic injuries is detrimental to the overall health of--”

“Did I scare you?” She asks, and Al-An falters.

“Fear is not a concept we feel,” They state, and yet they now feel the sinking familiarity of it nonetheless. Fear. They were afraid, they had been afraid when Robin was not home at the right time. They were scared when Robin returned injured. They were scared when she recounted her harrowing tale, and they were scared that she’s going to do it again and they would not be there to pick up the pieces--

“Al-An...” Robin’s voice cuts through the swirling data inside their head, and her eyes are soft as she reaches and touches their chest gently. She feels.... awful. Physically and emotionally. How could she not realize that they were upset? How could she have been so blind when she’s normally so in tune with the Architect? “Al-An, I’m really sorry.”

“You have done nothing that warrants an apology,” Al-An states; but their lights flicker pink for the briefest moment. “You were simply acting inefficiently and radically in a way that could have resulted in several versions of a potential death, which is not uncommon for your species.”

Robin smiles. That unintentional insult was 100% all Al-An. She shifts closer to them, and then her arms wrap around them, and she leans her head against their chest, and she imagines she can hear their heartbeat through their thick, armored body. “I know, I was being an idiot. I’m sorry.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m hugging you, Al-An. Never had a hug before?”

“Architects do not partake in this sort of behavior,” Al-an tells her. But, nonetheless, they mimic her movements, and their organic arms encircle her smaller frame, and having her close to them like so reminds them just of how tiny and delicate she is. “....Touching one another was not commonplace.”

“Then I’m gonna make it commonplace, and I’m gonna give you a hug everyday until I catch up on the hugs you’ve missed out on your whole life,” Robin hums as she closes her eyes, yawning.

“That would be impossible, given the length of your human lifespan,” Al-An corrects her, but they find the idea of one of these each day not entirely unpleasant. Robin laughs, and she just smiles. And their lights shift to a light pink as she falls asleep against them, and they return her to her bed: asleep too early for the schedule.

But it was alright to be a little off-pattern.

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And so, life on 4546B settled into somewhat of a general routine for Robin and Al-An.

Al-An has her coffee ready at 13:29 and she drinks it as she wakes up and rolls out of bed by 14:00. Al-An fabricates breakfast, packs her a lunch, and she’s out the door for the day’s work. And if she returns at 21:57 or 23:37, Al-An is not worried. After all, she’s returning with less injuries, and that is good enough for them.

Together they sit when Robin has her dinner and Al-An has their break around 28:42, and Robin reads aloud her PDA entries to Al-An-- even though they could easily scan and upload the documents themself, it makes her feel happy, so they indulge. And Robin leans back against Al-An without hesitation once she’s done eating, and they find the pressure nice.

And when 1:00 or 2:00 rolls around, just before she turns in for bed, Robin will throw her arms around Al-An for their daily hug, and she will hold on tight for a good few minutes, and Al-An learns to hold her in return. Perhaps if they held long enough, tight enough, she would never be in danger again.

And they find that perhaps, maybe... they like hugs.

And Robin fashions the Leviathan fragment into a necklace, that she gifts Al-An.

And Al-An wears it everyday.