#but like. hurgh
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HES SO PROUD !!!!!!
#maybbe i would do puzzles for him maybe i will look at numbers.a little#sory my art hasnt beenn very versatile lately!!! goinnthrough a teeeny art block#its like that thingw here it costs too much energy to try new things (new brushes new poses alllthat stuff)#but then u notice ur art starting 2 look more basic because of it#iigotta !! branch out !!!hurgh!!#KinitoPET#Kinito fanart#my drawings x)
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lament
#mayday (oc)#transformers oc#transformers#tf oc#tarnmay#my art#tarn#maccadam#i was scribbling while listening to my secret funny tarnmay playlist#turned out uh. yeah#hurgh they make me feel emotions#WHATS FUNNY IS the previous image i made of them (which i cant post on tumblr because its valveplug) is not like this at all lmao
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I just love how I
Have little guys in my phone
That I some times lean over and whisper to
and then I go back to whatever
and sometimes they'll
whisper back
#poetry#very impromptu#out of nowhere#just got very like#“hrngh need write. feeling emotions. write. hurgh”
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I think me and my new nerdy coworker are both trying to subtly figure out if the other is into gay shipping bc I mentioned jojo and she one-upped me with yuri on ice but then we started talking about other stuff. but I See You. Girl. Are We On The Same Page. I Think We Are. 👁️v👁️
#desperately would love another irl friend especially bc we apparently live on the same side of town??#like please God don't let me scare this one off. hurgh#work tag
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Hi, I just played the demo and I loved it! I was wondering if you could give us an estimate of when the next update is coming?👉👈 (Or link a relevant post, if you already talked about and I just didn't scroll down far enough to see it 😆)
Also, I wanted to check, can you be in a romantic relationship with more than one character, and not just a sexual one? Because I might be in love with every single character in this game 🤭
hi, thank you! i'm glad you're enjoying the game :) i've answered the question about romancing multiple characters a couple of times in a couple of different asks but the posts all kind of link back to each other so you should be able to find all the info by. following the various links in each ask i think, starting here XD
i'm going to put the answer to your other question under a cut because some of it is quite emotional for me
i did Sort Of talk about this at the time when it happened, by which i mean that rather than making a post, i talked about it in the tags of an unrelated post i was using to distract myself (i think it was character playlists and how i'm not sure if it's a good idea to do them or not if i recall), but earlier this year while i was already going through a really rough time, my laptop died and i lost a lot of work on the game.
i knew my laptop was old and that this was possibly approaching so i made regular backups and the good news is that because i write in a separate word document and keep backups of those also i didn't actually lose any Writing. however. my twine has a problem in that every second or third game file that i publish from the build is Haunted - it contains passages i removed weeks ago, or writing that i deleted long before publishing it, that kind of weird annoying shit. (other authors have seen my files do this lmfao) and i just have to hope that the backups i make either won't be needed or aren't haunted. anyway... because hope is futile, the last backup i made was indeed haunted, and utterly useless to me as a recovery file. because it's just twine, i still have all the writing, as i mentioned... but i would have to re-code the entire chapter and put it all back together again because of how much the file did not export, which is a complicated and daunting process.
so i made a rambling explanation of this in the tags of a post and decided to take maybe a couple of days off and cool down from this specific disaster before getting into it.
i wake up the next morning to find the IF community absolutely plastered all over with Helpful Informative PSA posts about how Silly it is not to make backups and how if you just make backups you'll never have problems again and you should know better than to not make backups.
now. i'm not a catastrophist. i know for a fact that nobody was making or spreading these posts out of cruelty or a desire to make me feel bad. i also know that it's not particularly realistic to expect people who don't even know me to hunt down the source of a piece of hearsay that's like "i heard from someone that someone said that an author lost a bunch of their files and is really upset about it" to find out what the situation is and whether or not it's what they imagine. i don't even think the vast majority of people knew who it was that was the author involved, or who i am either.
but to already be going through an extremely stressful time and then lose my laptop on top of that and then be obliquely referenced by people i thought of as my peers as kind of just a big silly bumbling goose who didn't know how to manage my files and a "don't be like this person" attitude really, really hurt me. i can't express just how deeply it hurt me. one particular author was openly laughing at me and saying it was my own fault for being too stupid to make backups using a certain twine peripheral program.
so. there was a period of time where i could have found the motivation to just restart the whole chapter myself and re-code it in a frenzy because i wanted to get right back into writing it because. like a lot of authors, i LOVE writing. that's why i do this even when it's difficult. but that potential recovery was sandblasted away by the reactions of people that i thought of as my colleagues in some sense (even though i understand that they didn't do it with bad intentions, in most cases). and i hope people can understand that it greatly lengthened the amount of time i needed to spend away from the game recovering emotionally, despite being a Very Small issue to most people. i'm literally upset again just typing out this answer lmfao
however one other small piece of good news is that my laptop seemingly just lost the ability to turn itself on (because of its age) so i Think the hard drive is intact. meaning that i think i can get someone to pull all the files off it and just have them back fine once i do. the other piece of bad news is that my life is a trainwreck! and i cannot afford that right now. which is why i sort of pivoted to writing the 2000 follower celebration sidegame as a way to enjoy myself while i hurtle through hell sdjgbdfhfdgh
shortly after this thing with the laptop the house i was living in was sold out from underneath me, even though it wasn't supposed to be, and i had to find somewhere to live with my 18 year old cat, but the city i lived in had zero places that would allow cats (they're totally fine with Dogs though of course) so i had to move to an entirely new city on my own while worrying about her health. and right now i spend every fortnight desperately trying to scrape together enough to survive the next fortnight. there were entire months where i had no access to internet! it's been pretty Bad!!
so i get that people really want updates, and i'm really flattered that people do and it makes me happy that people like the game so much. but i am currently expending so much time and energy trying not to die lmfao, and i need to save up the money to get my files back around that. i truly cannot tell you when the next update will be, but i promise you that it Haunts me, probably more than you can imagine XD the sidegame will Definitely come out before it though, if that's something you're looking forward to.
thank you again for your message, and i'm sorry that i don't have good news for you. but i am trying, constantly. every day.
#what does the chaos mirror see#eternal-flame#i hope it doesn't come across like i'm mad about this question because i'm not<3#it's just that my life is really terrible! and i constantly feel tense and upset about it! lmfao#i was SO nervous when i published the game for the first time that the build i published would be a haunted one lmfao#literally combing through every single accessible passage with a magnifying glass to make sure it wasn't#would it have been better to get the haunting out of the way with publishing the game or keep it for this backup problem?? i don't know#wish it just wouldn't do it i guess. but then again i haven't noticed it as a problem since getting my new laptop#so hopefully i won't have to worry about it in future#hurgh... still not over this properly i guess lmao
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I guess on today's plan is finding a relatively lightweight beanie to wear for the next three weeks. I have to shave most of my head so the surgeon can get the cysts off of it and like make no mistake it's been eight years since I let someone skritch me or touch my head, and I miss it, and I'm glad they're going. But also I do not want to shave my head and the cysts are a large part of it but also. I like my hair. It'll grow back! I know! But ough. Hate this.
And the hairdresser I go to is out until Tuesday so it's gonna be a stranger doing it. Sigh.
#Going to leave a wide strip in the middle so that I have some hair sticking out the front of the beanie#Because the thought of having zero hair makes me more than a little dysmorphic#I am only now realizing this might be a hard thing I am doing and that's fine but it was easy until it was time to do it#The surgery is Wednesday and with two jobs this is my last day I have time to get the haircut#Hurgh#Don't like it
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just got everything i ever wanted. now what
#hurgh#how do i hold this…in both of my hands….#what do i aim for now…#basically i scored a much higher paying role with the title i wanted at a FAANG and i just learned that it’s gonna be fully remote too#i can go anywhere and i can afford it too#and I’ve just been sitting here dumbstruck these past few days like. I’ve wanted this all of my twenties and now it’s here and I don’t even#know where to go next#physically and mentally#like oh…im free…#now what#🥹#my whole life family's controlled where i went and who i saw and what i did and now the cage is open and i'm like...#wait...where do i go...what do i do...#woof
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not fl related but lol + also lmao. Almost forgot I have an appointment w the audiologist again tomorrow after work
#she recommended hearing aids at the last appointment but I'm still on the fence#my hearing sensitivity is technically within normal levels on the metrics (but low tones on the left side are on the border)#but my auditory processing is hot garbage apparently lol#the cutoff for ''normal'' on the initial screening was a 2. I scored an 8 (that's a lot apparently)#so we're doing another test today and then like will talk abt options. it just feels kinda weird ig#like idk. there's some part of me that feels like it's overkill and potentially taking resources from people who ACTUALLY need them#I don't wanna be dramatic and like my family (though mostly my mom) are really against the idea#it'd be situational use (primarily work/social outings where I expect things to be more hectic and noisy)#which is part of what kinda like. idk. makes it feel weird?#like I NEED my glasses. I legally can't drive without them. I can't really FUNCTION without them#that feels like a legitimate claim and need as an aid#but smth I can just choose not to ever use and still get by feels like. different I guess#idk. hurgh. sorry for tag rambles.
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Stressing about what to wear to lightbox tomorrow AUGH....
#my overalls perhaps???? they have tons of pins on them so maybe that could be like a conversation starter w folks...#rainy rambles#hurgh
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thinks about how much destiny writing has influenced my writing even though were currently seeing other people and starts taking poison damage
#pers#huagh. hurgh. ouahg.#ill probably go back eventually im just enjoying other games atm and wish wasnt interesting to me#but like. the bar is still missing its roof and the air smells like rain is so foundational to how i think about starting scenes#and how much like. samira and the way i write her is so similar to d1 toland. its IN my brain man.
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well at least the terrible fear of being to needy and attention seeking keeps me in check. at least i got that going for me. coolio baboolio.
#the Thoughts are Back with a Strong Strong Vengeance but really. who has the time to act on them.#hurgh! :)#blabbering#im just. floating through life rn taking on more and more roles and responsibilities hoping in the end any of them makes me feel#loved but at the same time refusing any positive feedback i get on them on grounds of feeling like i havent earned it and im so so tired#contemplating the logistics of going Missing on my drive home on friday but ngl i think itd take my best friend at least like. two days.#till they realise i didnt pick up my key. and then maybe another two days before they act in any way other than messaging me a question mark#which would leave my Kitties starving and unhappy. which Bad.#man i thought this week would be Good And Fun and instead its just making everything worse and i hate it#im trying so hard to be outgoing and fun and likeable and i still feel like i have not made a genuine connection to anyone#this is such a non issue this is such a self focused dumb as hell point of view!!! but!!!!!! whateverrrrr what ev e rrrrr im allowed to feel#i just wish i could feel anything other than superfluous. would be banger actually. would be grant.
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Photo
posin’
#wip#3d#blender#goblin#miroslav#hurgh miroslav#barbarian#still placeholder textures#i'll do the real ones like tomorrow probably#btw he may seem cute but he is actually like. scary strong
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{{Gwynfor could be a Scaduland exclusive character if we really want to lean into the whole "Nameless King lost to the Annals of History" bit given the description for Rune of an Unsung Hero, but that would really limit interactions UNLESS he does some quirked up white boi thing to get out of the Scadulands}}
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grits teeth. making sex jokes does not make me less ace. talking freely and openly about sex without obvious discomfort does not make me less ace. i do not have to justify myself or my identity to anyone!
#ramblings#asexual#ace tag#hurgh. hurgh. HURGH!#both an internal mental struggle and an external struggle#like. alongside the this-is-not-a-phase#it’s like. i will say what i want and you do not need or deserve my justifications#for making sex jokes or talking about sex#it’s not your place to question my identity#okay to rb btw!
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images .
#are these even worth tagging#well i guess so#metal gear solid#revolver ocelot#big boss#ahh big boss john snake.you are so hot when you look like a sad dead fish slash bloodhound#hurgh drawing wasnt really what i was supposed to be doing this evening but i wanted to but then actually i couldn't even draw anything#apart from these .the day i can't crank out an ocie and a big boss will be terrible indeed
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list of stuff i've made/resized for ffxiv so far if anyone was interested (free with a donation option)! I also take reference sheet commissions, which I would.....greatly appreciate since my credit card bill is gonna be ROUGH this next month aha.........(japanese visa bullshit kept me out of a job for 2 months and i'm at the tail end of recovery almost a year later and this would be the final push to put me completely in the green and let me start saving again for real wheeze)
#not sure what i should tag this as honestly#since i don't think it'd be uh....smart to tag it with the game tag lol#let's see if anyone bites on here though#i'd really like to just pay my flat credit card next month even if it's high just so i can get it out of the way#the other option is splitting the payment but then it'd be worse for me in the long run hurgh
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