#but like. hurgh
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Rotating Klint being 10 years older than Barok in my brain. He was Iris' age when his little brother was born!!!! What!!!!
Like we hear about them mostly when they're both adults and therefore much more similar but like a 15 year old Klint had a 5 year old Barok following him around like a duckling. That art of them at 11 and 21??? Like no wonder Barok was the little darling, Klint likely had to be the head of the household while Barok still had the demeanor of a squeaky toy
#tgaa2 spoilers#generally i hc their parents dying when theyre 4 and 14#i think i picked it kind of arbitrarily but it gives Klint another Kazuma parallel#how did they die? fuck if i know#i should make up parents for them#there is a reference to their father in the asinine attorney london side!!#also i super think she's been dead for years but Klint and then Barok wouldve been head of the household even if their mother was alive#barok van zieks#klint van zieks#just now realizing i have a fic draft where Klint gets sad hearing Genshin left a young boy at home#and i mostly meant it to show Klint likes kids but it's probably bc he knows what its like too Hurgh
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lament
#mayday (oc)#transformers oc#transformers#tf oc#tarnmay#my art#tarn#maccadam#i was scribbling while listening to my secret funny tarnmay playlist#turned out uh. yeah#hurgh they make me feel emotions#WHATS FUNNY IS the previous image i made of them (which i cant post on tumblr because its valveplug) is not like this at all lmao
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I just love how I
Have little guys in my phone
That I some times lean over and whisper to
and then I go back to whatever
and sometimes they'll
whisper back
#poetry#very impromptu#out of nowhere#just got very like#“hrngh need write. feeling emotions. write. hurgh”
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I think me and my new nerdy coworker are both trying to subtly figure out if the other is into gay shipping bc I mentioned jojo and she one-upped me with yuri on ice but then we started talking about other stuff. but I See You. Girl. Are We On The Same Page. I Think We Are. 👁️v👁️
#desperately would love another irl friend especially bc we apparently live on the same side of town??#like please God don't let me scare this one off. hurgh#work tag
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I guess on today's plan is finding a relatively lightweight beanie to wear for the next three weeks. I have to shave most of my head so the surgeon can get the cysts off of it and like make no mistake it's been eight years since I let someone skritch me or touch my head, and I miss it, and I'm glad they're going. But also I do not want to shave my head and the cysts are a large part of it but also. I like my hair. It'll grow back! I know! But ough. Hate this.
And the hairdresser I go to is out until Tuesday so it's gonna be a stranger doing it. Sigh.
#Going to leave a wide strip in the middle so that I have some hair sticking out the front of the beanie#Because the thought of having zero hair makes me more than a little dysmorphic#I am only now realizing this might be a hard thing I am doing and that's fine but it was easy until it was time to do it#The surgery is Wednesday and with two jobs this is my last day I have time to get the haircut#Hurgh#Don't like it
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just got everything i ever wanted. now what
#hurgh#how do i hold this…in both of my hands….#what do i aim for now…#basically i scored a much higher paying role with the title i wanted at a FAANG and i just learned that it’s gonna be fully remote too#i can go anywhere and i can afford it too#and I’ve just been sitting here dumbstruck these past few days like. I’ve wanted this all of my twenties and now it’s here and I don’t even#know where to go next#physically and mentally#like oh…im free…#now what#🥹#my whole life family's controlled where i went and who i saw and what i did and now the cage is open and i'm like...#wait...where do i go...what do i do...#woof
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not fl related but lol + also lmao. Almost forgot I have an appointment w the audiologist again tomorrow after work
#she recommended hearing aids at the last appointment but I'm still on the fence#my hearing sensitivity is technically within normal levels on the metrics (but low tones on the left side are on the border)#but my auditory processing is hot garbage apparently lol#the cutoff for ''normal'' on the initial screening was a 2. I scored an 8 (that's a lot apparently)#so we're doing another test today and then like will talk abt options. it just feels kinda weird ig#like idk. there's some part of me that feels like it's overkill and potentially taking resources from people who ACTUALLY need them#I don't wanna be dramatic and like my family (though mostly my mom) are really against the idea#it'd be situational use (primarily work/social outings where I expect things to be more hectic and noisy)#which is part of what kinda like. idk. makes it feel weird?#like I NEED my glasses. I legally can't drive without them. I can't really FUNCTION without them#that feels like a legitimate claim and need as an aid#but smth I can just choose not to ever use and still get by feels like. different I guess#idk. hurgh. sorry for tag rambles.
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Stressing about what to wear to lightbox tomorrow AUGH....
#my overalls perhaps???? they have tons of pins on them so maybe that could be like a conversation starter w folks...#rainy rambles#hurgh
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thinks about how much destiny writing has influenced my writing even though were currently seeing other people and starts taking poison damage
#pers#huagh. hurgh. ouahg.#ill probably go back eventually im just enjoying other games atm and wish wasnt interesting to me#but like. the bar is still missing its roof and the air smells like rain is so foundational to how i think about starting scenes#and how much like. samira and the way i write her is so similar to d1 toland. its IN my brain man.
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well at least the terrible fear of being to needy and attention seeking keeps me in check. at least i got that going for me. coolio baboolio.
#the Thoughts are Back with a Strong Strong Vengeance but really. who has the time to act on them.#hurgh! :)#blabbering#im just. floating through life rn taking on more and more roles and responsibilities hoping in the end any of them makes me feel#loved but at the same time refusing any positive feedback i get on them on grounds of feeling like i havent earned it and im so so tired#contemplating the logistics of going Missing on my drive home on friday but ngl i think itd take my best friend at least like. two days.#till they realise i didnt pick up my key. and then maybe another two days before they act in any way other than messaging me a question mark#which would leave my Kitties starving and unhappy. which Bad.#man i thought this week would be Good And Fun and instead its just making everything worse and i hate it#im trying so hard to be outgoing and fun and likeable and i still feel like i have not made a genuine connection to anyone#this is such a non issue this is such a self focused dumb as hell point of view!!! but!!!!!! whateverrrrr what ev e rrrrr im allowed to feel#i just wish i could feel anything other than superfluous. would be banger actually. would be grant.
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{{Gwynfor could be a Scaduland exclusive character if we really want to lean into the whole "Nameless King lost to the Annals of History" bit given the description for Rune of an Unsung Hero, but that would really limit interactions UNLESS he does some quirked up white boi thing to get out of the Scadulands}}
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grits teeth. making sex jokes does not make me less ace. talking freely and openly about sex without obvious discomfort does not make me less ace. i do not have to justify myself or my identity to anyone!
#ramblings#asexual#ace tag#hurgh. hurgh. HURGH!#both an internal mental struggle and an external struggle#like. alongside the this-is-not-a-phase#it’s like. i will say what i want and you do not need or deserve my justifications#for making sex jokes or talking about sex#it’s not your place to question my identity#okay to rb btw!
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images .
#are these even worth tagging#well i guess so#metal gear solid#revolver ocelot#big boss#ahh big boss john snake.you are so hot when you look like a sad dead fish slash bloodhound#hurgh drawing wasnt really what i was supposed to be doing this evening but i wanted to but then actually i couldn't even draw anything#apart from these .the day i can't crank out an ocie and a big boss will be terrible indeed
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list of stuff i've made/resized for ffxiv so far if anyone was interested (free with a donation option)! I also take reference sheet commissions, which I would.....greatly appreciate since my credit card bill is gonna be ROUGH this next month aha.........(japanese visa bullshit kept me out of a job for 2 months and i'm at the tail end of recovery almost a year later and this would be the final push to put me completely in the green and let me start saving again for real wheeze)
#not sure what i should tag this as honestly#since i don't think it'd be uh....smart to tag it with the game tag lol#let's see if anyone bites on here though#i'd really like to just pay my flat credit card next month even if it's high just so i can get it out of the way#the other option is splitting the payment but then it'd be worse for me in the long run hurgh
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CHEN for the bingo! also ortega if ur up for it
chen and ortega are not particulary different on the sheet (somehow not a bingo between them!) but im crazy about them in kinda different ways. chen i like to pick apart and prod with sticks whereas i tend to understand ortega through Visions and project specific details onto them (eg. the entirety of the butch ortega fic). i love em both i want to hit them with my car.
#thank you for the ask man :]]#i watched brokeback mountain today and hurgh.#i need ortega to watch it and puke.#the fight i wrote for him and chen is very reminiscent of a scene from the movie#interestingly enough i like ricardo as my blorbo more but i write more about julia#they draw different things out of me#asks#sammy speaks#fallen hero
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How do people in the rp community do it.... reaching out to other blogs. Everyone is literally so cool and I'm there with my little guy like "haha yeah I'm here too!" I feel like the little sibling no one thinks is cool but mom made you bring him along with your friends and you're trying to ditch him
#aauaghhhg its so scary reaching out. BITCH!!!! I'LL DIE!!!!!!!!#like I KNOW the worst I'm told is 'oh no thank tou I don't think I'd like to rp with you' or like we can't find a plot that works. but like#HURGH.#elias howls
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