#but like. he was more a dad to her that she can remember than galen was

[ragedagainst]

despite jyn's complicated relationship with saw, i want to make it clear that i ( and she ) love him so much. he gets unfairly hated on by fans ( three guesses why 🙄 ) but i'm one of his biggest fans and want him to be in every piece of sw media possible !!

[bookwyrminspiration]

i offer u i went back and looked for mentions of the features i DO remember:

janel-- described as long and slender (NO MUSCLE????) with red eyes like a forge, like fire, etc., nearly-black red hair (the color of blood), red-brown/sienna/chestnut skin, a single stripe of hair from forehead to neck (do all joratese have this???? i cant believe janel just casually has a mohawk and we didn't even notice), and then the black hands and feet. i THOUGHT she had horse markings bc i remember them saying they shipped her to someone to give them to her??? but they're not really actually mentioned in any descriptions of her so did i just imagine it. uhhh.

teraeth-- quote from the ruin of kings: "He was different, resembling a vané who had played in too many fires. His skin was a field of dark ashes, his long hair matte black, his eyes shadowy emeralds. He possessed all the prettiness of the vané race, but was a creature of angles and sharpness. His beauty was that of the razor and not the flower." + you mentioning the long and straight nose (i shall now have to give kihrin an aquiline or like. crooked nose for the funsies) and the slick hair

kihrin-- IF his eyes take after his kirpis mother, they'd be dark blue, and he has golden/yellow hair?? no further descriptions really given but i wrote down some small notes abt his personality to go off of. eventually we will figure that one out! i want to draw thurvishar as well and i know he DEFINITELY has some more detailed descriptions which. pog

I think there will be zero complaints from anyone if you make Janel buff--though I think there might be mention in later books of her being muscular or toned. Jenn does this thing where descriptions are spread across the whole series, so sometimes you don't get a detail until pretty far in. As for her laevos (that's the name for Janel's hairstyle), it's not every single Joratese, but it is a pretty common one! Lower classes will shave the sides of their head to create it and upper class will undergo magicking to no longer grow hair on the side of their heads. Which happened to Janel. She was magicked as a baby to have a nautral laevos and her black hands and feet, but she wasn't given further markings. You did imagine it, but it's also a very reasonable thing to imagine!

For Tereath, I'll have to find that nose thing to double check, but I'm pretty certain it was something like that. I remember specifically making a mental note about how it meant skin tone and features were different in acod than real life. But! This is another situation where I don't think anyone's going to care if you give him a different nose. I don't think basically anyone is going to have anything to say about any art simply because we will be thrilled to have art at all.

As for Kihrin, pretty sure his eyes are a brighter blue because of his dad's side (the blue god-touched thing). And a few more details are that he has dark golden skin, a thin nose, and full lips. He's also described by Galen as being too pretty, knowing he's too pretty, and so can only be an ass about it. He's also got the whip scars on his back. And is tall--though Teraeth is slightly taller.

As for Thurvishar, someone actually very helpfully provided a bunch of screenshots of his descriptions once, but tumblr is being very unhelpful so we'll see if I can find it. AHA!! Here it is. Wow that took me a minute. Anyway. itching to draw them. I've had this shitpost idea in my head for a few weeks now I just need to figure out how I want to draw their characters first

[rainyrefrain]

tell us abt your ocs!!

ask and you shall receive >:)

Nanya Forza(she/her) She's changed the most since her creation. At first, she was a mermaid OC for the book: Of Poseidon by Anna Banks (give it a read if you like enemies to lovers with a little bit of fake dating. Galen is a bit possessive tho) and she would get Toraf to fall in love with her. Then Toraf was super OOC and he turned into Remus, who I'll mention later.

Once she was no longer tied to a specific book, she changed once more. She was no longer a mermaid (but still a princess). She's going through a lot: her mom died, she'd caught her boyfriend cheating on her, and she was recently appointed as a Cabinet member.

Then I decided to scrap the whole princess thing and she's a law student in her senior year. Her dad is some rich oil guy and people generally hate him (myself included).

Nanya is kind of an introvert. She likes spending a lot of time by herself, but she's got huge attachment issues and needs people to survive. She's not one to seek confrontation and tends to keep quiet. However, she will tell you if she hates you. It's a strange combo ngl.

Anyway, I gave her a dog because she's totally a dog person. She drinks coffee more than tea, likes trashy reality tv, and should not be trusted behind the wheel (she barely passed her driver's test).

Remus Hwang(he/him) Like Nanya, he is the product of my OOC Toraf X OC fanfiction that will never see the light of day. He is Nanya's bodyguard in both of my first drafts. I mostly chose this for him because I didn't know how else to give Nanya friends where it's obvious they have at least some history. Also, he's her love interest.

In the college/non-monarchy storyline, he's a nursing student who found himself sitting at the same library table as Nanya but never actually speaking with her.

He's outgoing and caring; it seems like he makes a new friend every day. He tries his best to be someone people can trust and rely on. He's got really good memory, and makes an effort to remember details about others to understand them better.

He likes vinyl records, candles, jazz, dancing like no one's watching, and cooking (he's horrible at baking, but that won't stop him from baking you cupcakes for your birthday). He gives the best hugs and has a contagious laugh. I love him fr <3

Neveah Valiant(she/her) I decided that Nanya needed a girl bestie so I made Neveah. She's Nanya's roommate. She loves art and making things with her hands. Much like Remus, she's quite the social butterfly. She knows everything about everyone (which is surprising considering she has yet to figure out that Nanya and Remus are into each other). Idk she's a side character that kind of acts as someone Nanya can talk to so that I don't write exclusively inner dialogue.

Benjamin Valiant (he/they) They are Neveah's twin. He and Nanya were inseparable in middle and high school, as both shared a love for mystery and law. They hope to become a social worker because he feels a strong conviction to help people in need get out of bad situations. He has their own place, but he spends most of their time at Neveah and Nanya's apartment because they find it to be more cozy.

Phillip Danzell (he/him) I hate him from a reader's standpoint, but I love writing him so much. Phillip is Nanya's ex-boyfriend. He's also the child of rich parents and he treats life like it's a constant party. He's unemployed, not in school, and he simply goes and does what he pleases. He was only interested in Nanya because their parents are friends and it seemed convenient (Nanya's feelings were real though). He's constantly flipping from being charming and a gentleman to being an absolute prick; you never know which Phillip you're getting until he opens his mouth to talk.

[novapark]

Series Three: Company Girl 

Both having business in Myshuno, Olin and Nika make their way to the city together and get comfy in Ollie’s apartment. 

But Inika can’t stay for long because there’s shit to do. So she gets dressed up and head out to work. 

Arriving at an undisclosed warehouse she meets her associate, a man named Hudson who compliments her dress and asks if she’s really going to work in it. 

She laughs and says no that this is just for her after-party and brought a change of clothes. After swapping out, she meets Hudson in a back room to deal with a lacky she calls Hemi who has been talking to some agency about their business dealings. 

Hemi refuses to talk though and so Inika offers him a deal to talk to their boss and try to square things away for him. 

Hemi: “Fuck you Venus I don’t want any more of your deals.” 

Inika: “I’m sorry baby but that was the wrong fucking answer.” 

Having completed her business Inika heads out for a drink and then back to Olin’s apartment where she is surprised to find him still awake. 

He says he really doesn’t sleep much anyway. Pleased Inika asks if he wants to help her get undressed. 

And he of course agrees. 

The next day Inika heads into the office to speak with her boss, who is having some disagreements with his ex-wife. 

Inika notes this happens all the time and then follows her boss back into his office teasing that his wife seemed extra volatile that morning.

Levi explains that she’s just upset because their son, Malachi, has gone off the grid and she’s worried he might be in trouble. Inika laughs and says he probably just took a vacation since his co-star is having so much trouble with the paparazzi but her boss thinks there’s more to it than that. Levi thinks he took advantage of convenient timing to dip out on his responsibilities. That it’s been four days. 

It’s then Inika realizes there might be a connection between his and Estra’s disapearence and admits that Yager men had visited her around the same time. Levi is furious and asks who the kid belonged to that they were asking about. When Inika tells him she’s one of Frey’s but not to worry because Estra has been low-contact and has a tendency to run away anyway it doesn’t help anything. 

Levi says that Frey is the worst possible person to deal with in this situation because he’ll just assume Malachi kidnapped her and pressured her into shit. That it could lead to a lot of problems for business on both sides. He decides to send Nika and Hudson out to Sulani to bring them back and put an end to the trouble. 

Back at the apartment Nika says her goodbyes to Olin before heading out on the job. They are seen by his friend Rohan who gives him a hard time about it. 

“So another one bites the dust man?”  “She’d have to be a ‘one’ for that to be true and neither of us wanted that.” 

The pair talk for a bit while pre-drinking before heading out to meet friends. Rohan mentions a crash over the bay of Indealogix tech and how stupid it was for them to test it so close to the city.

Olin: “Yeah those kind of people never think anything will go wrong until they do.” 

Nissa, Darian, Grace, Xoui, and Galen wait for the other two to arrive and talk about conspiracies. Galen mentions that he’s starting to really think there might be more aliens out there other than those from Sixam. Xoui and Grace tease him saying he watches too many of those conspiracy shows. 

Olin and Rohan arrive, the latter of the two is extremely drunk and Nissa gives them a lecture about it then asks to speak to Olin privately. 

She asks Olin what went wrong in OS alluding to Estra’s disappearance and tells him he needs to come in to speak to her. Olin tries to make excuses but she states it’s an order. 

Meanwhile Nika has arrived in Sulani with Hudson. 

Nika: “Okay Hudson, I know you know what the deal is here. We have only one mission: get that fucking girl. From what Anders has told us Malachi will come for her if he knows where she is....”

The two split up and Nika makes her way into the beach house where Mal is already waiting. 

“Mal sweetie, can we talk about this? Your mama misses you honey.” 

Mal tells her his mother doesn’t miss him, just misses the thought of what she wants him to be and that he’s found what he wants in life. 

Inika then teases him for his obsession with Estra, saying that she’s been with plenty of others and implies she’s probably not as into him as he thinks. She also points out that she ran away from Mal before because of his intensity and likely would again. Malachi vehemently disagrees stating they are on the same page now and will be getting married. 

Inika states that Estra’s father won’t allow it. To which Mal just says he won’t have a choice in the matter. Then proceeds to tell Inika to remember her place. 

“And let me take this moment to make it clear to you that I’m not your fucking sweetie, your baby, your honey, or whatever other fucking pet name you like to call those who you think are below you. Some day I’ll be your fucking boss and I don’t appreciate that kind of fucking bullshit. Only one person can call me that shit and it’s not you, you understand?”

Nika then states “Wow you really are his son aren’t you?” and then Mal tells her that she’ll be delivering a message back to his parents. 

Out on the beach, Estra is dealing with a not remotely well prepared Hudson. 

Hudson: “Listen.. fuck… can we… fucking talk?!”

Estra: “Oh now you want to talk, when you find out you can’t do a quick snatch and grab while my big strong protector is distracted? This isn’t my first time dealing with company men asshole. My dad has men twice your size and much wiser.”

Mal and Nika then walk out to find Hudson and Estra talking. She admits this isn’t the first time she’s dropped off the grid but given the circumstances she expects her dad will send people too. 

She then apologizes for breaking his ribs. 

Now with Nika carrying the message Malachi tells Estra they’ll be heading back to DSV to plan their wedding. She is a little annoyed given the hassle they went through to get to Sulani. But Mal convinces her that it’s too much trouble for everyone to hide their relationship and their parents will just find them anyway. 

So we end series three with Mal and Estra’s parents finding out they will be coming home but only on their own terms. 

[0itmelex0]

Galen and Lorenzo role swap AU?

this could be a few things, but imma go with the idea of which side of the fold each boi is on

all of it is going to be under the cut because there is a LOT. way more than i meant to be

galen

so despite thriving in the healing aspect of a corporalnik, galen learns to be proficient in both being a healer and a heartrender with the help of sofia

but he will always be better at being a healer with how naturally gifted he is

galen knows how to use his abilities without using his hands, but he always bleeds out of his nose a lil bit

it's actually the only way he knows

his name wouldn't actually be galen, but something different

i'll leave that up to imagination

galen is really interested on finding out the whole thing with the scar on his arm, especially since his momma won't tell him

when he's seventeen, he manages to convince his momma to let him go to the university of ketterdam

where half the time, he's in the library reading any and every book he can get his hands on to figure out this scarred marking

funny enough, galen meets this zemeni at some point but the zemeni boy doesn't really show up to the university after a while

he meets a certain dirtyhands close to two years prior to the first season

kaz is aware of galen's healer abilities, but is less aware that he can do heartrender stuff as well

galen is honestly more so an honorary member of the dregs

he's basically their medic for any really severe injuries

but doesn't do a whole lot of other jobs for them, especially during that first year since he was finishing up his education at the university

however when kaz gets a job to retrieve this supposed sun summoner

he brings on galen, who remembers a brief time in the little palace however the time between the little palace and arriving to ketterdam is voided in his memory

and also yknow, having somebody who is good at healing like our boi is always good to have on a team

honestly galen is like a freaken dad compared to these teenagers with that five year age difference between him and the crows

but he's just as chaotic during the time in ravka as they are so he fits in well

lorenzo

oKAY, yeah lorenzo is basically hot garbage in this version

like he is book ivan levels of awful for a while

also, lorenzo isn't lorenzo... he's adrik not the actual s&b character, they just have the same name

sO adrik is a very very powerful heartrender

general kirigan took adrik under his wing and had the boi train from a very young age with the absolute best

by the time adrik is thirteen, he's basically the general's right hand despite the boi being young at that point

adrik is very loyal to the general, however he doesn't hesitate to question authority

which does annoy general kirigan sometimes, but make him think about other perspectives on a plan such as a potential way of how the enemy could get the advantage

adrik also visits his father, alexei, from time to time but it usually ends in arguments due to how different they are

but despite it, adrik does attempt to see his father at least every few weeks

in full honesty, i cannot decide if adrik and ivan would either be silent best friends or just mortal enemies. it could seriously go either way

adrik honestly isn't the biggest fan of fedyor normally. feral boi respects the man in battle, but nothing else

also, feral boi has slept with zoya a handful of times i can see it happening okay?

adrik was on a skiff, the general put him on an assignment for on the other side of the fold, when some dumbass lit a lantern and caused the skiff to be attacked

honestly the boi probably was gonna die during the attack until there's this sudden burst of light

despite basically alina being the reason that adrik survived the attack, he's quite the asshole to her at first

like ivan levels of asshole

however during that attack on the way to the little palace, the less asshole version of adrik shines through and he saves alina from that one druskelle

and he *gASP* makes sure she's actually okay

during alina's time in the little palace, he begrudgingly tries to get to know her, and she's sort of the same way towards him

by winter fete, they're actually kind of friends and like each other, but they're not very open around others that they actually are *gasp* fRiEnDS

honestly the fact that alina was forced to wear the morozova's stag collar didn't sit right with adrik and was the start of him questioning his loyalty to general kirigan

upon some certain learned information at the end of the season, he betrays the general and ends up leaving ravka with alina and mal, since he can't stay in ravka and he rather just ignore the new information thrown at him

i'll be fully transparent... feral boi and alina are giving me slow burn enemies to lovers vibes

do what you will with that information

[kittystargen3]

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13534569/1/Return-of-the-Survivors

Summary: Alternate Universe- What if Anakin's mother survived and Anakin never went dark side. Padme has the twins on Tatooine and survives. Anakin tries to help the surviving Jedi, while still keeping his family secret. Meanwhile Darth Sidious has been crowned emperor and is going after the remaining Jedi. Rumors have it he's looking for a new apprentice. Anakin gets to be a daddy.

I've added chapter 55 to Return of the Survivors today. Below is a small selection. Please click the links to read more.

Chapter 55 - Calling

“Luke, carry this into your father’s garage for me.  That’s a boy.” Luke's Uncle smiled and messed up his hair playfully.

“Yes, Uncle Owen.” Luke responded.  The man treated him like a kid still sometimes, but really Luke couldn't get too upset over it.

“Have you heard any more news from your sister?  I was meaning to ask, but…” The old man left the sentence to hang.

“No, not in several months.  She’s with the Rebellion.  Ahsoka assures us she’s in a safe unit, but my dad still worries,” Luke answered.

Uncle Owen nodded.  "As a parent, he's going to worry.  If my boy ever spoke about joining the Rebel Army, my wife would have a heart attack.  Mace-Ti’s only just learning about the politics of the wider galaxy now though.”

“Yes, Fourteen is a little young to enlist.” Luke joked.

Uncle Owen laughed.  “Yes it is.  Now take this to your father’s garage.  He’ll be home soon, I hear.”

“Yes, Thank you Uncle Owen.”

“No problem, my boy,”

As his Uncle got back into his speeder, Luke focused on the large box of outdated farm equipment.  Anakin had always been a fan of reusing what others considered junk.  Luke didn’t know what use any of this stuff could be put to, but he’d do as his Uncle had said and leave it in the garage for his father.

As Luke entered the garage, R2-D2, his father's favorite droid beeped a greeting to him.

"Hey R2.  No, I don't know where dad left the socket wrench..." Luke stopped to clutch his head.

R2 beeped with concern.

"Ugh, no I'm okay." As he recovered he marveled at the difference.  Ever since that night a little more than a year ago, it had felt like a part of his world was empty.  But now his mind rushed from overstimulation.

"Luke!" There was no way that he wouldn't recognize that voice.  But yet, he knew it with the Force that she wasn't really behind him.  Still this was a stronger connection than their head-talks as children had ever been.

"Leia?" He turned around and saw his sister, just standing there.  Yet, if he needed proof this wasn't his imagination, she had red hair.  And Instead of a uniform that he'd expect her to wear, she wore a white outfit.

They both stood there amazed at the sight of each other.  "I like the hair." Luke broke the silence.

"Oh this. It's a long story." His sister blushed.  "Listen, we are on our way to Tatooine, but I fear we won't make it in time." The seriousness in his sister's eyes sent chills up his spine. "My brother, you're our only hope.  Juno Eclipse is on Scarif on the Rogue Shadow.  She has a very important transmission that the Rebellion needs.  Countless lives are at stake here!"

Luke remembered meeting Juno Eclipse two years ago.  He didn't want to see any harm come to her, but his priorities would always be to his sister first.

"I don’t know how we’re doing this after so long apart, but this couldn’t be more fortunate," Leia went on.

Just then Luke remembered some of the Grandmaster’s old teachings regarding their bond.  “Actually, it might be because we were so far apart that we can do this now.  Yoda said once that bonds like ours either grow or die when separated.  I never thought our bond would die.”

“Neither did I.”

Luke knew his sister was saying that she wanted him to leave her again, but he couldn’t let that happen without trying first.  “I can feel you on the edge of the system now.  Do you need help?”

“No,” Leia said, and Luke winced.  “Just go to Scarif.  Find Juno.  She’s out of fuel.  Bring her to Alderaan.  And remember, Brother, I love you.”

Luke looked up at his sister with pleading eyes, as he formed an argument in his mind.  ‘ I can do that too.  I’ll just pick you up, then we can go to Scarif together. No…’  But before he could form his reply, Leia cut their connection and she vanished from in front of him.

“Leia.  Leia, no!” Luke called out in vain.

Beside him R2 beeped in concern, inquiring about Leia.  Luke summarized the exchange for the droid, who beeped in concern for him.

“Yeah, I know.  I want to do both too, but how can I?”

R2 beeped again.

“Two pilots?” A lightbulb went off for Luke, and he ran out of the room, stopping comedically before he got to the door to turn back around.  “Just don’t tell my parents about this.  I don’t want them to worry.  You know how stressed dad gets when he gets news of Leia.”

R2 beeped in disappointment, confirming the request.

“Good.  I have to call Galen now.” Luke ran out of the garage.

[callioope]

Continuing my reactions to Avatar: The Last Airbender. 

This post is about Book 2. See my overall impressions and thoughts on Book 1 here.

Quick/General Thoughts

Uhhh pretty wild there is both a solar eclipse and a super comet happening in the same summer… anyways!!!

Ba Sing Se was so messed up omg

Aang

SMH more adults trying to take advantage of Aang. I was furious with the Earth Kingdom general who tried to force Aang to fight the Fire Lord well before he was ready. Clearly he was not ready! And then the audacity for him to attack Aang and then Katara to provoke the Avatar state was whole levels of messed up. 

The Great Appa Kidnapping: Yeah, so, as soon as the sand traders took him, I was like, “Oh no. I’ve heard about this. They are going to be in trouble!” But even then I didn’t know it stretched out over so many episodes. These episodes broke my heart! Aang’s complete distress at having lost Appa. Then the episode from Appa’s POV. Poor Appa! He goes through so much. It’s devastating. And then both Appa and Aang both dream of how they originally met each other? UNFAIR. CRUEL. HOW DARE THE CREATORS DO THIS TO ME. (I’m being facetious I love it I live for this kind of drama this is how i express they were doing good storytelling)

The whole “final chakra” being about letting go of attachments… hmm that felt VERY Star Wars of them… Filoni is this your doing? (Although actually I don’t remember seeing his name on any Book 2 episodes.)

Sokka

My fave continues to be the long-suffering Sokka, just trying to get his family to Omashu, it shouldn’t be this hard!!! This was literally what I wrote at the time of watching “Chapter Two: The Cave of Two Lovers,” and OH LITTLE DID I KNOW!!! [cut to Book 3… lmao… anyways]

Sokka making a map to help keep track of the maze-like cave/tunnel is actually really clever. I can’t believe people think he’s stupid. I mean, sure, it didn’t end up working, but that’s because the cave was magic or whatever, and that is beyond his control!

Side note, but lol at Sokka’s purchases and love for shopping. His ridiculous belt! How excited he was that it matched his bag!

Second side note, I was pretty excited to see that gif where Sokka is making that “I’m watching you” gesture and then goes “Water tribe!”

Katara

Yeah, notice how I don’t have much to say about Katara? It’s not that I don’t like her or that I don’t think she’s interesting, but. I just don’t really have a lot to say about her. 

I was amused by how she handled those bullies. My impression before I started watching was that she was going to be this like, pure and GoodTM character, but she definitely has her flaws and that is better.

I really liked the scene where she is able to calm Aang down while he’s in the Avatar state. There was good build up to that, showing her worry every time he entered it and her awareness of the fact that he only ever enters it when feeling upset. The fact that she was able to do that clearly Meant Something. So again, I suppose, I really feel up to this point that the show is very much like “Aang/Katara Endgame!” it felt very obvious to me. And I knew before starting the show that Zuko and Katara are a thing — but Aang and Katara is just so heavy handed that it was impossible for me to ship them with anyone else. They were just foundational to the show. Like it always felt like a foregone conclusion to me, almost as if they were established from the beginning although they obviously weren’t.

Toph

I spent like, the second half of Book 1 thinking “WHEN TOPH WHEN TOPH!” Imagine my ire that she still isn’t around for the first five episodes of Book 2, which is titled “EARTH” my goodness.

But OH was I delighted by “Chapter 6: The Blind Bandit”!!! I loved her intro, I loved how Aang is just immediately in awe of her skills when he sees her. He knows she’s exactly the teacher he’s been waiting for. “She waited and listened!” he says. Yes. I love it. (But also, lol at Sokka booing Aang.) Despite this, Aang really does not handle that first interaction very well!

So frustrating how her parents were treating her. “She’s fragile and helpless!” what a thing to say about your daughter. [Also you literally named her “tough”?!] And he is basically going to imprison her, wtf. & how do you get off saying “the avatar is no longer welcome here”?! smh children whose parents try to “control” their kids always end up being the most rebellious.

I was amused that “my dad changed his mind” apparently was a popular lie daughters use on this show. *facepalm*

I liked the contrast between how Toph wanted to teach Aang and how Katara thought he should be taught! That was interesting. And yeah, Toph certainly lives up to her name. 

Zuko & Iroh

Spent a good portion of the early part of this season wondering how Zuko and Iroh could possibly be related to the awful Fire Lord (and Azula for that matter — jeez she is nuts!), and longing to know what happened to Zuko’s mom. (Obviously that would be answered soon!)

Knowing that Zuko eventually joins the Aang crew, but also remembering that I never saw Iroh with them, made me SEVERELY worried that something terrible would happen to Iroh. And I spent the entire rest of the series worrying about that. Uh, especially since, apparently Iroh is hopeless at Survival 101. Honestly that was surprising to me. 

Zuko deciding they needed to split up was devastating!!! No!!! I loved the adventures of Zuko & Iroh!! He said, “There's no reason for us to stick together,” and I was like, “Yes there is you idiot! Because you’re family and you love each other!!!” I was so sad. I mean, also Iroh is currently the only person who likes Zuko, so, you know, that might be a good reason to stay with him. Just a thought. 

The last thing Zuko needs is to be alone, that will NOT be good for his issues. And lo and behold, look! Immediately, he’s struggling on his own. But I did like that episode (“Chapter 7: Zuko Alone”) because we get to see Zuko’s mom! (Uh, did she have a name?) Turtle ducks are so cute.

“Everything I’ve done I’ve done to protect you.” THIS. SLAYED. ME!!!!!! I mean, y’all know Rogue One is my jam so this parallel with Zuko’s mom and Galen Erso????? I lost it. I just lost it. Plus, though it isn’t confirmed until later, we can tell she’s sacrificing herself to save Zuko and just. (A) what a completely messed up family, but (B) MY HEART. SHE BETTER BE ALIVE is all I’m saying.

Interesting side note: they never show Ozai’s face in the early seasons. 

If you assumed that I was delighted to see Iroh has been tailing Zuko this whole time, you’d be correct. I had hoped that was the case and was very glad it was. Although *facepalm* again at Zuko. I suppose he had no way of knowing Katara had healing powers but it was so frustrating knowing if he had just listened to them for one minute they could have helped Iroh after Azula blasted him. At least he made him tea and nursed him back to health. 

If the evil advisor of Ba Sing Se had files on everyone and knew everything that went on… I mean… did he know about Iroh and Zuko? 

I didn’t jot down any notes about this at the time, BUT. Man. Did I ADORE Zuko and Iroh’s adventures in Ba Sing Se. I mean it was a nice relief from all the other crazy stuff happening. (Not happy to see Jet though. Ugh.) 

Finally, though, Zuko’s betrayal at the very end of the season totally shocked me. Because of spoilers, I knew he’d join Aang’s crew, and so it was so confusing! And such a regression, I really didn’t understand it and was very worried about what it would mean for his redemption arc — but more on that in the next post, don’t want to get ahead.

Azula

Oh. Boy. Again, I knew she was going to be crazy, but I don’t think I was prepared for just how messed up she is. “Do the tides command this ship. You said they would not allow us…” Jeez that is pedantic in a very bizarre way and obviously not what was meant… Yikes.

Also, Azula is much better at finding Zuko than Zuko is at finding Aang. Just a stray observation.

“Father regrets your banishment. He wants you home.” [insert IT’s A TRAP gif here]

“If the Earth Kingdom finds us, they'll have us killed. If the Fire Nation finds us, they'll turn us over to Azula. Earth kingdom it is.” Yeah, this line was hilarious but also sad. It really said a lot about Azula, and Zuko and Iroh’s relationship with her.

Had no idea Azula had her own crew. It was incredibly clear that Ty Lee felt coerced to join her and didn’t really want to, but that was less clear to me for Mai. Mainly seemed like Mai was bored with where she was and was just like “shrugs might as well do evil stuff.” 

I did know that a character named “Mai” would eventually be Zuko’s love interest (and it is pretty heavily portrayed that she has a crush on him), so at this point, I was very much like, “Hmm. This character is too apathetic and annoying, I don’t want her to end up with Zuko!” Plus, the fact that her name was pronounced “May,” (which was not how I thought “Mai” was pronounced) and I knew Zuko would have a thing with a lady in a tea shop, I wasn’t 100% sure Zuko/Mai were end game. 

“She’s crazy and she needs to go down.” I think Iroh said this. I just don’t know what to say. Why is Azula the way she is? That’s never entirely clear to me. In some ways, it’s implied she was just Like That (in the flashback where mom is like “What is wrong with you?”) and perhaps she’s just her father’s daughter. I don’t need a reason, per se. Idk. I just don’t know what to say to her. She clearly needs help. 

[the-blue-phantom]

Please activate your Farseer brain again and share some headcanons for Fitz and Burrich

Okay, I have no idea if you’re asking for my modern au specifically because that’s when I said my farseer brain was activated or if you meant headcanons for canon, but I’m going to bank on modern au so I hope that’s fine with you! I think at least a fair amount will be more generally applicable, though, just in case you aren’t.

I’m a big fan of Burrich and Fitz’s dynamic, especially because they do have a father/son relationship but there’s also tension there that gets in the way. But for my ideal dynamic with them there are two traits: 1. “Fitz, I love you deeply and you remind me a lot of myself. But I also hate myself and this will affect our relationship for years to come. 2. That joke that goes “Have you ever kissed a guy?” “Of course” He then failed to elaborate.

I’ll try and keep this relatively organized but it’ll bounce around. Assume its all for the modern au and if anything seems applicable to canon, it probably is.

At no point ever in raising Fitz does Burrich ever look up how to raise a kid

Chivalry: Burrich, children are are like animals, right? Burrich: yes, in a cosmic sense, but not completely Chivalry: well I trust you to raise my son

Burrich does the best he can but sir you should google things

Altho the idea of burrich at a parenting class is hilarious to me

Honestly, I am obsessed with his and Chivalry’s relationship

Fellas, is it gay to leave your girlfriend for a man, because you want to devote yourself fully to him and also you tear up when talking about what a great man he is

Anyway, Burrich is telling Fitz about Chivalry while looking through a photo album and its like “Fitz, your father knew me better than any man had before” *turns page* “And here’s us getting drunk at a party when we were 22″

In my modern au, Chivalry doesn’t die, but I don’t think him and Fitz would have much of a father/son relationship. Maybe more uncle/nephew

Now I’m remembering how Fitz called Patience his mom. Fitz and his mom, his dad (burrich) and his father (chivalry)

I do wonder what Fitz and Burrich’s relationship would be like if the Wit wasn’t there or if the stigma was gone. I wonder about that a lot.

Burrich is an old fashioned guy and by that I mean he has a flip phone he keeps in a belt holster and drives a shitty old pickup that could and should be replaced

He has a wallet filled with pictures of Fitz and also his animals

You know, I think Fitz should have had his hair braided at least once. I think Burrich would be good at braiding, if that isn’t already canon.

I think any gifts Burrich gives Fitz are highly practical. New coat, new shoes, new hat, here are some gloves and socks I knitted with wool I got from the sheep we raised

My personal belief that Burrich is very very handy with fabric crafts for a variety of reasons

lmao Burrich in a quilting circle. he wouldn’t, but its funny to picture

I think if Fitz had had a more normal childhood he’d have done those drawings and projects kids do of their families except its primarily Burrich and the animals

Fitz first got to drive a car at age 10 because they were doing fence maintenance in the pasture and Burrich plopped him in the front seat and said “listen, inch the truck forward when I tell you to” and you know it didn’t go terribly

this is the only reason fitz doesn’t end up in a ditch the first time he tries to drive

Fitz, trying to get his license: “So I need my birth certificate, can you give it to me” Burrich: “Sure its right--hold on” Fitz: “Did you lose it?” Burrich: “Let me call the main house” Fitz: “You lost it didn’t you” Burrich: “You didn’t come with one”

Burrich at parent teacher conferences or helping Fitz with homework is funny to me, too. *insert mr incrediblt math is math scene here*

Fitz in canon never has to explain his familial relations to anyone because everyone already knows who he is but in this au its like “Oh that’s my dad, who isn’t my biological dad, but my biological dad dipped when I was born because my mom--who isn’t my biological mom--was upset because he cheated on her and she was upset because she couldn’t have kids but she’s fine now and she’s my mom and they’re all back and then there’s my uncles--” and the person is like uh huh sure that all definitely makes sense

Burrich is hot, does that make him a dilf?

I think Fitz is one of those kids that would get super super into something for a few months and know all about it and so Burrich is like “is this about your transformers?” and Fitz is like NO i’m talking about power rangers they’re totally different

Fitz but he has modern day teen romance drama

Fitz: Burrich, Molly didn’t like my instagram post, does that mean she hates me? :((( Burrich: what’s instagram

Man this isn’t a headcanon or anything but I’m just thinking about how baller the witness stones thing was with galen. and the end of book 2? when burrich was begging for fitz to stay alive and then it switches to relief over him actually being alive? gets me man

I wonder how much more he would have gone up to bat for fitz if there wasn’t the whole royalty or politics thing. like he goes up to bat for fitz all the time and defends him but sometimes he has to be careful with politics. what would he have been like if he didn’t have those constraints

I could keep going, but its already getting long so I’m going to stop there. Hope this was what you wanted!

[tcdarkeststorms]

Mother’s Day special

Since it’s Mother’s Day, I wanted to give some tribute to the moms we see in Trauma Center, along with headcanons about how a couple of ‘em are as moms and generally exploring stuff. This is my ship hell, just a fair warning.

HERE WE GO!!!

Cybil Kasal

Cybil and Greg, honestly thought long and hard about starting a family. Neither, were entirely sure, because of their GUILT and worrying if it would potentially cause issues with having kids or create issues for the kid once they were born. Privately, they got gene screening done.

They were so relieved when they were told they could in fact have a family safely.

Kari was born 10 months later.

Greg gleefully was telling those they were comfortable telling “She’s Gregnant.” including his mother in law. Cybil was bemoaning the fact, that this was his first dad joke and only the start of a lifetime full of them.

During her pregnancy with Kari, Cybil didn’t even stop working. While anesthesia isn’t an easy specialty by far… It was pretty much a situation of let her or lose a hand. Greg just kept a careful eye on her but put his foot down finally when she was in her last trimester.

The night Kari was born, Greg actually nearly missed it because of an emergency patient. He wanted to pass them off to another doctor, but Cybil insisted he go, she was gonna be fine. He made it with literally seconds to spare as the first thing he heard when he came into the room was Kari’s first cries.

Kari’s name actually has some significance to them both. Derived from HIkari since she was their little light of Hope.

For the first few months, Kari could only fall asleep if she was nestled between them. Cybil lost a LOT of sleep making sure their little girl was fine. (She had a little cot that she was tucked into that was above their own blanket)

Kari’s first words were….

“Dada”.

Greg would never forget the LOOK Cybil gave him when that happened. He tried to convince her, she really said Mama but they both knew.

She took her first steps for Cybil though and that was enough for her. (And Greg got it all on film including the crying from Cybil.)

As she grows, Kari and her mom are very close and Cybil does her best to be there as much as she can. She still works, but she’s not ashamed that she did indeed bring her little one to work a few times.

The first time Kari got sick with something more serious than a cold, it was a good number of sleepless nights. (Poor kiddo had food poisoning. It was not fun for Kari who was five at the time and Greg and Cybil were taking shifts all night to make sure she was comfortable/hydrated)

Kari was born on Mother’s Day of 2021. (May 9th) Cybil boasts that she was the best present she ever got.

Cybil is THAT Mom during sport events at school and the like. Cheering as loud as she can, booing the other team, boasting: “THAT’S MY LITTLE GIRL!!!” And generally just… embracing the role of “embarrassing mom” with utter pride.

They never had another child. They only planned for one and they got their little miracle child.

Naomi Kimishima

Naomi after she woke up from surgery had Alyssa moved to her room. Alyssa actually never slept in her hospital bed again, they slept in the same one together.

Alyssa doesn’t really sleep in her own room all that often. She prefers being near her mother, since she’s so busy… and Alyssa privately, feels safer being right next to her. When she gets older she’ll gradually sleep in her own bed more and more but Naomi doesn’t mind…. Privately, she feels better having her kid right there.

Alyssa, doesn’t remember the first time she called Naomi “Mom” however Naomi does. It was while she was dropping Alyssa off to play at Joshua’s house and Alyssa shouted over her shoulder “Bye Mama! I’ll see you later!”

She’d never admit this out loud to anyone (Except Little Guy) that she sat there in her car for nearly ten minutes crying.

Naomi… doesn’t really get along with the other moms that volunteer at Alyssa’s school. She comes across as intimidating to them and she thinks they’re too protective. (She got a pretty nasty set of glares, when waiting for the kids to be done messing around after school, Alyssa fell. Instead of rushing to her and fretting, she just called across:

“You good!?”

“Ahuh!”

“Good, get up and keep going.”

She could FEEL the judgement)

She… generally dislikes parental participation during events. She loves spending time with Alyssa, but she’ll be the first to admit, she’s more of an introvert now than she used to be and being around so many people is exhausting. She’ll suck it up for her sake though…

Except for Bake Sales.

She refuses to bake. She’s not a disaster chef like Gabe jokes, she can make basic meals and the most advanced thing she can make is various curries (all from scratch and both Indian and Japanese style curries) but unfortunately, that’s not exactly… welcomed at bake sales. She has no shame buying stuff at the store and dropping it onto the table.

There’s a few other moms she works with at CIFM, but they don’t talk…. And actually, Naomi avoids talking to them in particular, because she… really, REALLY hates how often they try to envelope her into their “Mom Clique” at work.  (She got enough of it, after being told how often Alyssa should be snacking, ect and flat out said: “She’s breathing and suffered no brain damage from the explosion. But you know, let’s hear again how I’m a terrible mom for letting her stay up late on weekends and letting her eat candy.”)

They give her a wide berth now as if she’s cursed.

That’s perfectly fine with her.

While they eat out often, Naomi does ensure Alyssa and her both eat a variety of food. Lot of vegetables, fruits, ect.

She became closer with her own mother, after adopting Alyssa since her mom was elated at having a granddaughter… and elated her child was going to live.

Naomi and her mom were close when she was growing up and she wanted the same for her and Alyssa… Luckily for her, Alyssa utterly adores her.

Alyssa shows interest in biology, but she’ll admit, she doesn’t think she could do the work Naomi does. She knows how hard it is emotionally on her at times and has stayed up with her, distracting her after some rough cases. Mainly in the form of watching movies and lots of cuddles in a blanket nest.

On her days off, Naomi always tries to see what Alyssa wants to do, before making plans… most of these plans, include teaching her about meditating, telling her stories, or facetiming with Naomi’s parents. Making blanket forts and watching cartoons, or reading together. (Naomi’s just… baffled at how easy going of a kid Alyssa is. She realizes she lucked out with having a child that’s so calm)

Chloe is still a problem cat and Naomi laments frequently, she didn’t expect to share a familiar with Alyssa.

She’d do it all over again for her sake.

When she and Little Guy get married, Naomi makes one thing clear - she wants ONLY one child and she’s got that already. Navel happily agrees.

Tomoe Tachibana

I like to imagine, Tomoe does want to be a mother someday. It’s just a matter of getting there… and being patient, even if it’s hard sometimes…. Sooo here we are.

In every timeline, when she gets with CR-S01, they struggle for awhile to have kids.

And in each timeline, they adopt after a certain point. They take in a little girl, named Rizabelle who is the utter light of their lives and they adore everything about her. Later on, they’ll have another child, a son (Galen, who you can find here: https://theblueskyphoenix.tumblr.com/post/612419824029777920/citra-torres-teresa-cunningham-galen-muller

Tomoe’s a very gentle and nurturing parent. While their daughter’s pretty hyper, she does her best to help her slow down and appreciate the life around them.

Their little girl, is generally just a ray of sunshine to everyone she meets and a very kind little girl. She adores her parents and spends as much time as possible with them when their home… and even at work.

Tomoe wants to teach both of her kids, martial arts, only if they want to though.

Rizabelle wants to. SO BADLY. Unfortunately, she’s a bit of a frail little thing so it’s not until she’s a little stronger that she starts learning the basics. There is absolutely no desire to take over the Tachibana clan though.

With both of her children, Tomoe emphasizes wanting them to know about their family’s background. A lot of history lessons, Japanese lessons… but she emphasizes she wants them to be kids as well. She never wants them to feel the pressure she did growing up, to do everything a proper “lady of the clan” would do.

Tomoe and Erhard both are guilty of being WAY too excited, to shop for their kids back to school supplies. Rizabelle had JUST turned six when they adopted her, so she was phasing out of Kindergarten when that happened. (They both went overboard. A LOT of books, too many backpacks, specialized stationary, Rizabelle genuinely lost count of how many bento boxes she has for her lunches. They were just so excited to have a kid to shop for. The same thing happens with Galen when it’s his turn, except he does use a few of Rizabelle’s hand-me-down’s since at least there were a few backpacks that weren’t too girly for his tastes and bento boxes didn’t really matter if they were cutesy or not)

Tomoe, privately really enjoys anime unironically, it’s just what she grew up with. It was a real joy to her, to get to share some of her favorite series with her kids. (Black Jack, the original Sailor Moon, stuff she remembered fondly as a little girl).

Movie nights are frequent in the Tachibana-Muller household, with everyone taking turns.

When Tomoe did fall pregnant with their son finally, she was excited, nervous, terrified. She was just… so looking forward to meeting him.

Oddly enough, she didn’t have much in the ways of severe symptoms. She was one of the lucky ones, who didn’t deal with morning sickness and she worked a good deal of the way into her pregnancy.

Erhard came home from work, quite a bit to find his wife and daughter fast asleep, with Rizabelle having her ear pressed to her mom’s stomach trying to hear what her new sibling was up to.

He has a lot of pictures of those times.

Tomoe is… VERY protective of her kids. Rizabelle got pushed and almost punished in the third grade, because it counted as a “fight”.

That was the last time, someone messed with a Tachibana child, as Tomoe went NUCLEAR. (Erhard took a step back and focused on making sure Rizabelle was alright).

No one ever picked on the Muller kids again after that.

Tomoe intimidates the other moms just as much as Naomi and… she honestly doesn’t care. As far as she’s concerned, if they don’t like how she raises her children, they can keep their opinions to themselves.

She admits, she’s a little lost sometimes initially and wishes she could ask her own mother for advice.. But she picks herself up and keeps going. (And asks for advice a LOT from Lisa and Naomi at the start. She realized very quickly to not worry so much since as long as their kids were eating enough, sleeping enough, ect then she couldn’t really mess up)

Lisa Cunningham

Lisa wanted to be a mom, ever since she could remember. When she fell in love with Gabriel, the first thing she warned him was that she did want kids and if he didn’t, then she would let him go right then and there, during their first date.

Luckily he agreed… When they had Joshua, it was still when Gabe was in the reserves. She quickly got on with the other military moms, who all had husbands in the same program as Gabe was. They got along pretty nicely and frequently lamented how often their husbands were busy.

Gabe only had to report to training so many times, never deployed. She still held things together though, when he needed her to.

They lived in California for part of Joshua’s life, before moving to Portland. Both are actually from Portland, but due to Gabe’s work lived in Cali for awhile. She misses it… especially when it’s cold.

When she first became pregnant with Joshua, she was mostly exhausted all the time… and mostly cried at stuff, when her hormones got to her. She could never remember actually being mad. (And Gabe would agree. He just felt bad when she was having a hard time.. And he also wishes he could forget some of the cravings. (“Who the heck dips pickles in peanut butter? For the matter, how many jars of those did you even eat!?” “Your son, wanted them.”)

They had a few names picked out but Joshua was the one they both liked the best. (It’s actually Gabe’s middle name, since he didn’t wanna saddle the kid with being “Gabe Jr.”, Lisa thought it was sweet… and it’s actually a family name, since it was also Gabe’s grandfather’s first name.)

They had some trouble deciding on a middle name though. It was a week long debate, over dinner because both wanted Joshua to have one of his grandfather’s names as a middle name.

They literally had this discussion until Joshua was born.

They settled on Joshua Thomas Cunningham… Neither grandfather's name won. Instead, Joshua’s named after one of the members of the band Styx, Tommy Shaw (Gabe’s favorite band EVER)

Joshua was a C-section baby. He was in distress and they both agreed it was best to just get him out ASAP. (Lisa was honestly terrified and tried to put on a brave face. Gabe stayed by her side the whole time. She can look back on it with humor nowadays though. “He didn’t want a squished head. He was already fluffy thanks to his dad here.” “Hey!”)

Lisa’s a doting mother on Joshua. Loves her baby more than anything else and does whatever she can for him… even if for part of his life, Gabe wasn’t in it.

They are very, very close due to this. Joshua wants his mom happy and does his best hoping not to worry her… even if she still worries like crazy.

They have tried to reconcile several times, meeting privately and talking over the course of the last year or so.

She was mentally burnt out by the time the outbreak had ended. She was so stressed out, it took a toll on her. She and Gabe were together again by this point and… yeah. It was rough. She was having trouble relaxing, neither were sleeping well.

Gabe declared they needed a vacation and they headed to California for two weeks.

Lisa… honestly gets a kick out of the fact, she gets asked for advice from one of Gabe’s old friends, about parenting… and happily will offer it if it’s wanted

A year later, they have another child, their daughter Terry… this time, everything goes nice and smooth and Lisa thanks her lucky stars it went just as planned.

She’s a loving dedicated mother and will do anything for her kids and husband.

While being married to Gabe wasn’t easy at times… she is glad they were able to work it out. (Though she gave him SUCH a look when someone at Resurgam said: “Didn’t you say you were gonna divorce her?”

“Oh please, he wouldn’t survive without me.”

“It’s true.”)

They both have had to put a lot of work into making their marriage work but it’s worth every second.

Angie Thompson

Angie and Derek’s first kid came along exactly 9 months after they got married. They really wanted a family of their own. They were blessed with their first daughter, Luna Stiles.

Derek has quite a few photo’s and notes from over the course of that particular pregnancy, to put in Luna’s baby book later…. Including some of the sillier things. (“Please tell me you didn’t take pictures of that time I cried because you made me eggs with a bacon smile.”

“Noooooo. NOOOOO never….” He did. He got a smack on the arm for it later. It was worth it.)

Angie, didn’t work in the OR at all during this. They worked with too many potential hazards and the smell of the disinfectants made her morning sickness act up BIG TIME. She instead, worked directly with the patients for most of it.

Derek spoiled her rotten and made sure to do as much as he could to make it easier for her… Including, overhauling paperwork duty for them both. (And later realized, he may have made a mistake as Angie now calls him on it every time. “What? Do we need another kid to make you do it on time again!?”

“A-Angie!!!”)

Angie and Derek both agreed, they didn’t want a lot of prying when it came to their children coming into the world. She quietly checked into Hope Hospital and after a long, LONG night… Luna was born and they couldn’t be happier.

Two years later, they were blessed with a little boy, named Glenn.

Angie dotes on them both equally. She was just so happy they were finally here, safe and sound… healthy…

Glenn is a mama’s boy. He happily will cling to her leg when she gets home from work, or if she brings them to work for a bit. He loves spending time with her and getting to know more about her job.

Her favorite part of her day is coming home to their kids and getting to enjoy their evenings with them… or mornings, depending on the shift. Either way, it’s her favorite part.

Angie and Derek both have days where they take one of the kids with them to do an activity solo with that particular parent, along with family outings all together. That way, they get some one on one time along with full out family time. (Derek’s forbidden Disneyland as a “solo parent activity” cause deep down he’s a big kid at heart who loves going just as much)

During the earlier parts of their kids lives, they lived in a few different areas, due to work reasons. They got to see quite a bit of the world before the age of ten, but were very happy to go back home for good. It was around when Luna was 6 and Glenn was 4 that they decided no more international medical work unless absolutely necessary. (“As in, we better be the last ones called.”)

Nap piles are a must. She didn’t understand initially the appeal of mid day naps before she and Derek got together… She admits, there is now nothing better than, taking a midday snooze, her kids her husband all together with her in their big queen sized bed.

Angie is a total helicopter mom when her kids are sick. She’s on top of everything… Derek’s involved with it too, but he’s mainly reminding Angie that they’ll be fine. He’s actually the calm one.

Angie is a member of the now unofficial “Moms who aren’t liked by the other moms at school” club, with Tomoe and Naomi.  It’s more to do with the fact Angie gets recognized from being in the news so often… More so because she refused to give free medical advice.

(“They do know, I’m not allowed to do that right?”

“I got snubbed for not freaking out over Alyssa falling.”

“They were afraid of me.”)

No matter what, she wouldn’t change a single thing.

[atariince]

I read your opinion on Luthien and I was intrigued about what you considered the selfish side of her. Would you mind elaborate ? I say this because the tale of Beren and Luthien Is the most unispiring tale -at least for me- sacrifying lives for the sake of two lovers

Hello, and thanks for your message and question!

First things first: You, I, we don’t have to feel ecstatic about every characters and every storylines, and you don’t have to justify your preferences. That character doesn’t appeal to you? All right, then! There are plenty of other characters to focus on! (just, you know, don’t shit on people who actually like the characters you’re not fond of). ;) 

I do have a very complicated and ambivalent relationship to the story of Beren and Lúthien; I really can’t say I dislike it, not at all, but it tends to upset me. You ask about my mention of the “selfishness” of Lúthien… [To be honest, I don’t really remember what I said in the post you mention (which is probably a rather old one???) so I can only hope that I’ll be coherent and not too repetitive (generally speaking, my opinion hasn’t changed over the years, but it mighthave evolved)] -  I can understand that my opinion might seem confusing, but in fact, you answered the question yourself: The sacrifice of many for the sake of one couple… (that’s a schematic presentation, yes). But it’s a bit more complicated than that. I actually like the character of Lúthien per se. I like her as a strong, a bit creepy, dog-eared lady who remains blind to a lot of things. I like her being prideful and I like her being FLAWED. You know why? Because I can relate. I’m not perfect, far from it. Nobody is. And if I cannot see my own flaws in a character, I’ll have a hard time being interested in them.

So my problem with the Lay of Leithian has nothing to do with the characters themselves - whether you like them or not, they remain interesting – it has to do with the treatment of the characters, the (frustrating) perspective adopted by the narrator(s), the way the couple seems to be forgiven deeds which would have been considered criminal/terrible/unforgivable if they had been committed by other characters (follow my gaze).

And yes, I can’t deny that I have my own biased reading because of my preference for the Fëanorians, but I try to be as objective as possible (though I can’t be completely objective. I mean, who could?)

So. 

Lúthien is a strong female character, steadfast and fearless, and that’s something I definitely like about her. Now, I’m not fond of the “perfect lady” aura given to the character, you know? This idea that she’s flawless and whatever she does is a good thing. Some sort of a saint (if there were saints in Arda). At no point the narrative voice questions her decisions, she’s always in the light. She is presented as perfect and every other characters seem to agree, no matter what she decides to do. I find all this very irritating, although I guess that’s also what the genre requires (I’ll come back to that point at the end of the post). 

Yet, let’s keep in mind that Lúthien is not like the other Eldar; her mother is an Ainu, and that element is extremely important: she is half divine. It’s crucial because it means that

How could the other Eldar and humans not be, at least, fascinated by her? 

It must be complicated for the Eldar to actually criticise her… I mean, she’s the offspring of demiurgic power!

She must have a specific fate (if Eru allowed her mom to become incarnate and to have a kid with an Elda, He must have some plans)(spoilers : He does)

She must have a different approach of reality, a different way to feel the world, to live in the world, to be concerned with the world and its inhabitants. 

She is powerful and has powers that no other Eldar could ever dream of, which makes her somehow dangerous.

This being said, let’s return the matter at stake:  your question about this self-interest of her, and the sacrifices it implies; not the sacrifice of Beren or Lúthien for one another, but the almost death of thousands of Eldar for them to be together (and I won’t talk of here of Finrod’s choices and his gruesome death because that’s a matter which I’ve already talked about at length – here for instance)

Besides, I mostly agree with Litamande’s interpretation of the Nargothrond episode, so I’ll waste no time repeating it and I advise you to read if that’s not already done. I’ll just point out a few selfish elements to actually elaborate on the “selfish side of Lúthien” (although it doesn’t mean I blame her for being selfish):

1. Lúthien would let a kinslaying happen to be with her lover 

By disobeying her father and by running to Nargothrond, she took the risk of bringing her father’s wrath to Nargothrond.

I know, I know: the texts say that Thingol gets mad because of the Fëanorians' plan to get her married to Celegorm (mind you, I don’t say the Fëanorians don’t have anything to be blamed for, they do, but that’s not the point of this post) but something tells me that, no matter the nature of the Fëanorians' message, Thingol would have been furious - marriage proposal or not, Thingol could have very well played the diplomatic card, discussed the whole thing (or at least  pretended to), got his daughter back and then told the Fëanorians to fuck off. Instead, he prepared his army for an eventual kinslaying. I mean, thanks to the Fëanorians' message, he knows where daughter is, he knows she is relatively “safe” in Nargothrond – and the Fëanorians are just a small impediment which Thingol could get rid of without killing the entire population of Nargothrond…. so I tend to believe that, at this point, Thingol was so offended and upset and panicked in general terms that he would have been mad, not matter who would have said “I found your daughter!”

And I do believe that Lúthien knew it, or at least, considered that it could be a possibility. She’s not stupid. She’s definitely not that naïve.

Likewise, after the Tol Sirion episode, she would rather stay with Beren instead of going back to Doriath, even if that decision leads to a war of elves against elves. It is clearly given in the Lay that Thingol was ready to go to war to get her back, and although I can understand why she wants to stay with her boyfriend, the lives of hundreds of elves are at stake! And coming from the heir of a sovereign, it’s rather… unpolitical, to say the least. And yes, selfish. Now, I’m not saying she shouldn’t be selfish! On the contrary. Please girl, do what you will! 

What upsets me is that she’s still presented as a flawless saint by the narrator, by the other characters, by the Valar and nobody ever tells her that her decisions almost created a war. How frustrating is that? 

2. L&B let a kinslaying happen to keep the Nauglamir in the family

She and Beren have come back from Mandos, they’re in Tol Galen, they have a lovely kid and they talk to no mortal. And they have a Silmaril because Thingol’s dead and Doriath is in a pretty bad state. We know the Fëanorians dare not attack Lúthien, but she knew the risk of keeping a Silmaril, didn’t she? She knew they would do their best to take it back after her death. And although I understand why the Silmaril is symbolically important to her (they died for it , her dad died for it, etc.) she knows what it means to keep a Silmaril; In some versions (“The Nauglafring”, “the Quenta”… see also “The Tale of Years” in HoME XI), Melian herself warns (wrathfully) her and Beren against it… even if Lúthien stops wearing it in some texts, they never ever think about giving it back to the Fëanorians… You’ll tell me that they are the Dispossessed, they can’t have it back anyway, or there would be no story at all. 

I think what upsets me the most here, is not that she decided to keep it no matter what, but the treatment of it. Again. When anyone else in the texts desires a Silmaril or tries to keep a Silmaril, there’s always a warning somewhere, something implying, “this character is becoming greedy and is making a huge mistake blahblah”. But not here, at no point she’s is given as potentially making a mistake, she’s neither depicted as prideful, nor greedy nor anything  – same thing with Beren when he tries to pick up the second Silmaril from the crown of Melkor ; yes he raises hell with his mistake and paid for it, but no one blames him. In the “Quenta” it is even said that he failed to take all the three jewels because of the “knife of the treacherous dwarves”, as if he had nothing to blame himself for… You see why I’m upset. The narrative perspective is completely unfair.

3. The Mandos episode

It is not about Lúthien’s selfishness but it is a fair example of those prejudices. Lúthien is said to be the only one who managed to bring pity into Námo‘s heart. Yet she’s not the only mourning… the Bragollach had happened roughly a decade before the L&B’s story. There are thousands of people in Middle Earth and in Mandos (and in Valinor) weeping and mourning a sibling, a lover, aparent, a child – Lúthien lost her bf whom she met a couple of years before but “her sorrow [is] deeper than their sorrows”??? She is actually given as the one feeling the greatest grief ever? I just… No.

Well, actually, it is no surprise that Námo is moved by her song : she is divine! Her mom sang during the creation of the world…!

Alright yeah, I’m being cynical, I admit it. But what I’m trying to do is not to tell you what’s good or bad or what you should think of the whole thing. I’m barely trying to offer you another perspective, to point at what is not totally clear, what doesn’t make sense to me, what upsets me, so you can maybe see it from another point of view. It’s always an interesting thing to do, even if in the end you don’t change your mind.

And believe it or not, the Lay of Leithian is one of my favourite texts! And maybe it is precisely because of all those elements that confuse me and/or irritate me! At least it gives me something to think about, some new gaps to fill with my imagination!

Now, and this is VERY important, let’s keep in mind that the first Beren and Lúthien writings go back to Tolkien’s youth, and that what Tolkien wanted to do was to write a “heroic-romance from the realm of Faërie" inspired by medieval literature and ancestral folklore. He obviously knew what he was doing, he knew the codes of that kind of literature, and all those elements which I pointed out were carefully wrought by the author; he was aware of the characteristics of the genre and toyed with them, proof is the parodical commentary of the Lay of Leithian by CS Lewis. And come on, technically speaking, the Lay is a masterpiece, if not a feat!  Besides, we also know how dear this particular love story was to Tolkien, and without making it a metaphor of his own life, we can’t ignore this aspect. Therefore, my criticisms are neither literary, scholarly ones, nor personal ones against the author. They’re barely the reflections of a very subjective feeling (and I strongly emphasize that word) of my own, regarding those events and the way they are rendered within the whole history of Middle Earth, as in intradiegetic vision of them.

And to conclude, if Lúthien had not fought for her love story to be a thing, therewould have been no Dior, no Elwing, no Earendil… it is a part of the whole narrative line, of the whole scheme that lead to the salvation of the people of Middle Earth in the 1st Age. SO yes, her selfishness is somehow rightful, it has a purpose, it is for the GREATER GOOD. And again, what bothers me is not Lúthien herself, it is the fact that her decisions are never questioned, by no one at any point. And I believe that if some readers don’t find this tale inspiring, as you put it, it is precisely because of the treatment of L&B ; they’re perfect, unworldly perfect, how could we easily relate to them?

[dandylion240]

Meet Tia Finney for @legendofsim‘s Wren Song.

She’s a 47 year old single mother of two. Her husband was killed in the line of duty ten years. He was a detective on the Hidden Springs police force. He had infiltrated $East’s organization when something went wrong and his cover was blown. With the help of Galen Reedel, Tia was able to move her family away from Hidden Springs but now that her mother is ill she has had to move back to take care of her.

Galen and her have a long history together. They grew up together. Married each other’s best friends. They’ve seen each other through the worst of times. Could there be more between them than just friendship? If you ask Tia she’ll say no but she can’t deny the her stomach flutters when she meets him for coffee every morning.

Her son Andrew just graduated from college. He tells everyone he doesn’t know what he wants to do and that’s the reason why he hasn’t gotten a job yet. His mother thinks he’s just taking a break from all the studying he’s done but his little sister’s say’s he’s lazy and a bum. But what they don’t know is he wants to join the police academy and follow in his dad’s footsteps. He knows that would break his mother’s heart and so he hasn’t done anything about his dreams. Until he figures out how to tell her he’s just going through the motions.

This is Abby. She’s a couple months shy of her 16th birthday. She doesn’t remember much about her dad just a few random vague memories. She tries not to think about it too much. Sometimes she wishes her mom didn’t have to work so hard but really it just makes things easier for her. She had quite the reputation of a party girl in her previous school, drinking, drugs and with her mom working all the time and her brother away in college there was no one to know what she was up to.Now that they’ve moved she’s the new girl in school. She’s hoping she can start over with a clean a slate. You know like actually study be the daughter she knows her mom thinks she’s always been.

[spooky-ghostwriter]

Dressed to Kill - Chapter Fifteen

<– Previous Chapter

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Tsukiko lay in her bed, lazily watching Shiba Kariki gleam in the sunlight. As she'd hoped, Stiletto had been able to spare a hanging mount, and now the sword rested peacefully on the wall. Her trailer already felt much less empty, even with merely 28.2 inches of sword and sheath.

She couldn't stare at the sword forever. There was something bothering her.

Finally, she pushed herself off the bed. She grabbed Shiba Kariki off the wall as she passed it, making her way out of the trailer.

It only took her a few steps in the grass before Galen noticed her.

“Morning, Tsuki,” He said, walking in tandem.

“Morning,” said Tsukiko, not breaking stride.

“Are we going to try working Shiba Kariki into our act?” Galen asked, eyeing the sword.

“Wasn't planning on it. Mom and Dad freaked out enough about the knives during Stiletto's show. I don't need them worrying about me getting disemboweled during my own shows too.”

“Oh.” Galen stopped, then hastened his steps once more when he realized Tsukiko was going to continue moving.

“So then,” Galen tried again. “You're going to practice with Shiba for dryad attacks, right?”

“I'll have to get around to that at some point,” said Tsukiko. “I'd rather use the Tank Top for most dryads, but I'll make sure I can use Shiba too if I have to.”

“Okay, fine,” Galen said dully. “I'll just ask – where are you going that you need a sword for?”

“Right here.”

Magician Trailer One stood before them. Galen recalled their first visit some time ago, and how Tsukiko had found a seventh Religalia in it. He also recalled that Tsukiko hadn't had any need for a weapon last time they'd entered.

“I'm still lost,” said Galen.

“Remember how I picked the lock last time?” Tsukiko asked, putting her fingers on the door. “Well, I came back later, and there was this.”

A chain sat wrapped around the door handle, keeping the door from moving. A lock hung, grasping several of the links. It was not a key lock, but a combination lock with a five-digit code.

“I guess they noticed you went in before,” said Galen. “In fact, they might know it was you specifically. You can pick a key lock, but I'm guessing you can't get through this.”

“I can't pick it, no,” Tsukiko admitted, tossing the sheath of Shiba Kariki. Galen caught it automatically.

“Whoa, wait – ” Galen stammered. “Don't!”

“Oh?” Tsukiko asked, readying her stance. “Why not?”

“Well, I'll ignore the fact that we're clearly not supposed to be in there, since I'm guessing you don't care about that yourself.”

“Good. I don't.”

“But you're planning on swinging your family's most treasured possession into a metal chain?” Galen asked. “It's not a thick chain, sure, but do you really think Shiba will be all right?”

“Well – ”

“And I have to ask anyway, why chop your way into the trailer in the first place?” Galen asked in exasperation. “You already looked around. What good does it do to look again?”

“My mom almost died the other day,” Tsukiko said, tightening her grip on the sword's handle. “You heard about that, right?”

“You mentioned it.”

“I figured I would have. Now, that got me thinking. I couldn't use the Bow Tie on that dryad because the arrows went through the vines, and it's the only Religalia I had on hand at the time. It's the only one I can wear all day, even during shows and stuff.”

“The High Heals?” Galen suggested.

“Clearly you've never tried walking in heels all day.”

“Can't say I have.”

“Anyway,” Tsukiko said, “The point is, I want these dryads dealt with. I want them dead and buried and gone so I can go back to thinking about clothes for comfort and style instead of which ones I need to make sure no one around me dies because I chose the wrong outfit.”

Galen didn't have a good reply to this.

“And this trailer has in it one more Religalia,” said Tsukiko. “Ol' Vercy has a habit of not telling me everything I need to know, and the first Religalia he did tell me about was a tank. An actual tank. That makes me think that maybe this one that he didn't bother telling me about is the most powerful Religalia yet.”

“Or maybe it's the worst one and there was no point telling you about it,” said Galen. “It could just be a really sucky magic costume.”

“We'll see,” said Tsukiko, brandishing her weapon. “I'll just cut a hole in the door instead of the lock, and then we'll figure out how it works and what it does.”

“Can't we just ask Vercy?”

“Not if we want an answer.”

“Tsuki – ”

Tsukiko brought the sword upwards. She prepared to swing, but a pressure stopped her arm. She saw a strong hand gripping her forearm. Her vision followed the hand, and she saw that it was Vercingetorix who had stopped her, not Galen.

“I really wish you had've just asked,” Vercingetorix said, in the tone of voice Tsukiko recalled from teachers annoyed with her for sleeping in class.

He sighed.

“But perhaps I should have been more upfront with you,” He admitted. “If you promise not to take your sword to any circus property, I'll explain the Religalia in this trailer.”

Vercingetorix let go of Tsukiko's hand. She sheathed the sword.

“Deal.”

“Come in too, Galen,” Vercingetorix gestured for the boy. “You're also able to use Religalia, so this is as relevant to you as it is to Tsukiko.”

Galen moved closer as Vercingetorix held the lock in his hand. He couldn't help but see the combination; 6-2-0-1-4.

2014, He recognized. Three years ago, perhaps? June of 2014?

Still lost in thought, he followed Vercingetorix and Tsukiko inside.

The air felt more breathable to Tsukiko than the last time she'd entered the trailer, but she heard Galen expel a dry cough. Tsukiko's own throat felt a little itchy, but she managed to suppress her own coughs. Vercingetorix didn't seem the least bit affected by the air

“I assume you've heard of our previous stage magician,” Vercingetorix said. He clicked the light switch, but the bulb only flickered for a moment before returning to darkness.

“Freya the Magnificent!” Tsukiko said, a hint of excitement in her voice. “I saw some of her old videos. She's amazing at quick-change stuff. I'd like to meet her some day.”

Vercingetorix paused.

“I see you haven't heard everything.”

He sighed once more.

“Freya is dead. She died... about two or three years ago.”

Galen looked at his feet.

'About' two or three years ago? No, Galen thought. I'm sure you know exactly what day in June it was when she died.

He looked over at Tsukiko. She was equally silent, perhaps embarrassed by her excitement over Freya's performances. Vercingetorix didn't seem to mind, or was already so focused on his memories that Tsukiko's words hadn't affected him.

Instead, Vercingetorix stepped over to one of the framed pictures on the wall, rubbing a finger through the years of dust.

“We first opened the Alesia Circus twenty years ago,” He said. “At the time, there were only five performers – Ravindra, Stiletto, Henry, Pierre and Freya. I worked to manage the acts, and also played the assistant role as needed, and we hired whoever was available as short-time crew members. It was a modest organization, but that actually worked in our favour. We toured not only across North America, but even across Europe and Asia. It was only when Pierre's collection of animals grew that we began focusing our efforts on the one continent.”

Tsukiko and Galen began to wonder what this had to do with anything, but they let Vercingetorix reminisce.

“When we first opened the circus, Freya had a single Religalia – the Tank Top. During our travels, she acquired a few more. She never mentioned where she got them, and I never dared to ask. They were the greatest secrets of her stage magician ways, and as I always do and always will, I respected her secrets. Each Religalia took her performances to new heights, and that was enough for me.”

Vercingetorix walked slowly to the other side of the trailer, towards the black cloak on the mannequin.

“At the time, we never considered using our arts to fight. It was unthinkable. But when the first dryads came, we had no choice.

“The first attack came as a complete surprise – naturally, I suppose no one could have expected it. Whatever the case, we were unprepared. There were many deaths, most of which were audience members. If it hadn't been for Freya, it would have been a massacre, but she and that Tank Top saved all the lives she could.”

He looked up at the robe's hood, as if it contained a face listening to his story.

“We modified our performances so that they could be used for battle. It was not too difficult of a task, considering Freya's artillery, Ravindra's flames and Stiletto's weaponry. The dryads continued to come, and we were able to fight them on even terms. We managed to get through the next several years without any casualties, staff or guest. It had become a normal part of our routine.

“Freya missed the days of peace and harmony. We all did, of course, but Freya was such a kind soul. I believe the lives she failed to save on that first day still haunted her. So, after studying the Religalia, she came to a conclusion – she would construct her own.”

Vercingetorix held the robe by the hem and looked at the torn hole in its fabric.

“This Religalia is Freya's creation. I couldn't bring myself to ask about the process, and I regret not having done so. I have no idea how she was able to create a Religalia. The most horrible part is that this robe contains none of the joy or kindness that I associated so dearly with Freya.

“Tank Top. High Heals. Bow Tie. Jumper. Cargo Pants. Boxer Shorts. Each one of them has such a childish name. Freya found it hard to talk about any of them without a faint smile on her face – all of them except the one she created herself.

“This Religalia was fuelled by Freya's desire to annihilate all the dryads,” said Vercingetorix. “There is no joy or humour in this outfit. It is simply called the Death Robe.”

Tsukiko felt a chill run down her spine.

“Each Religalia has a unique method of activation,” Vercingetorix continued. “Swiping the hat of the Tank Top, for example. Freya believed that the Death Robe's method was more...” He paused, thinking of the right word. “Esoteric.”

“What is it?” Tsukiko asked.

“We don't know for sure,” said Vercingetorix. “But Freya believed that, if she were to die wearing the robe, she would gain some power necessary to destroy all the dryads in one fell swoop.

“Of course, we never tested it. How could we? I forbade her from using the Death Robe, even wearing it. Then, years later, we were caught off-guard in a dryad attack. Freya had been safely using the Tank Top, but I was caught by a Venus flytrap monster. Horrible creature.”

He turned, still not facing Tsukiko and Galen, but no longer facing the robe either.

“Freya changed from the Tank Top to the Bow Tie. She killed the fly trap in an instant and saved my life. But the other dryads took the opportunity. They caught her while she was worrying about me.”

Tsukiko and Galen could hear the wavering in his voice as he continued.

“It was a horrible wound. I tried to get her to a hospital, or at least to get the High Heals, but she stopped me. She told me that she was ready to test her creation. And then she showed me that she'd been wearing the Death Robe all along, folded beneath the Tank Top.

“And so, she died.” Vercingetorix concluded.

“What happened?” Galen asked.

“Nothing,” Vercingetorix practically spat the word. “The Religalia did nothing.” He slammed his fist into the wall of the trailer.

“We at the circus used to be able to wear Religalia, you know,” Vercingetorix muttered. “It was rare, but Stiletto healed Freya's minor wounds on occasion, and I used the Cargo Pants and Boxer Shorts myself. But that day, all of our beliefs in the impossible were shattered.

“And the worst part is, I can't even blame the dryads for her death,” He said. “It was me. All me. It's supposed to be a manager's job to keep everyone safe. But in that moment, I had a choice between forcing someone to heal her with the High Heals or allowing her to test the Death Robe. I believed that she'd come back, without a scratch on her, with some godlike power that would make the rest of the battle a farce. I believed that with all of the conviction in my heart, no matter how impossible it sounds! And still...”

He trailed off.

“I'm sorry. I got a little off track,” Vercingetorix said, clearly trying to force some calmness into his voice. “The point is... I never told you about the Death Robe because I never wanted you to make the same mistake Freya did.”

“Why not get rid of it altogether, then?” Tsukiko asked.

“Get rid of it?!” Vercingetorix demanded, suddenly almost yelling. “This was something Freya believed in enough to die for! You want me to throw it in the trash with the half-eaten candied apples?!”

Tsukiko had paled; the man's face was only inches away from hers, and filled with fury.

Vercingetorix composed himself.

“Forgive me,” He muttered. “Perhaps I'm still clinging too tightly onto the past. But I can't – I simply can't – dispose of a Religalia.”

“I understand,” Tsukiko said softly. “Thank you for telling me about all this.”

Vercingetorix nodded halfheartedly.

Tsukiko could tell this was a painful subject, and she regretted ever having brought it up. Still, she would have regretted it even further if she brought it up without getting something from it, making the whole endeavor pointless, and so she forced herself to ask another question.

“Vercingetorix,” said Tsukiko, “When Freya was talking about the Death Robe, or... just in general, did she ever mention the phrase 'cold blood, cold steel'?

She braced herself for this question to inspire another fit of anger in Vercingetorix, or some other strong emotion.

Instead, Vercingetorix simply looked confused.

“Cold blood, cold steel?” He repeated.

Vercingetorix shook his head.

“I've never heard that phrase before,” Vercingetorix said. “What makes you think it has something to do with the Death Robe?”

Galen continued to stay distinctly silent, deciding to let Tsukiko reply however she thought was best.

“I kind of... uh... tried it on,” Tsukiko admitted hesitantly. “Sorry about that.”

“Ah,” Vercingetorix said. “That day that Galen was standing outside...”

Galen awkwardly cleared his throat.

“But even simply trying it on wouldn't explain where that phrase came from,” said Vercingetorix. “You didn't manage to activate it, did you?”

“No. I don't think so, anyway.” Tsukiko said. She prepared to explain everything about the voice, but it only took her a few words to say it properly. “I heard a weird voice whispering 'cold blood, cold steel' while I was wearing it.”

“I'll look into it and let you know if I find anything,” Vercingetorix offered. “But I have no idea what that could mean.”

Vercingetorix, Tsukiko and Galen all gave the Death Robe a glance; one of both curiosity and concern.

[yeomangamer]

After My Father’s Funeral Chapter 2

Summary: Funerals can be stressful, but so can weddings–especially with a family as effed up as theirs. Unfortunately for Leia, she has both to attend in one go. So much for repression. Modern AU with racer!Han and lawyer!Leia. 

Pairings: Leia/Han, Mara/Luke, Jyn/Cassian, Leia&Han&Luke&Mara&Cassian&Jyn, Uncle Owen/Aunt Beru

Chapter summary: In which we meet our leading man

Chapter pairings: Han/Leia, Jyn&Leia, Mara/Luke, mention of Jyn/Cassian

A/N: thanks for all the support, see Ao3 and FFN versions for full author’s notes

One family function down, one ginormous one to go, Leia thought as Jyn poured her a drink of something strong—hopefully. Not that she loathed to see her dearest brother get married, but she hadn't anticipated all the socializing she would have to participate in. Particularly right after Skywalker's funeral. At first blush, however, Jyn and Cassian's small party didn't seem all too bad. There were around two dozen people there, mostly people she had known from around town, high school, or college. None of whom she was too keen to socialize with. It had taken all of her limited skills to slip away from the happy couple as everyone had greeted Luke and Mara at the door.

The couple had sat down in the main living room with everyone sat around them or having their own conversations. It was, by any means, a calm, normal get together. Cassian had mentioned that Jyn was in the kitchen pouring drinks, and Leia jumped at the opportunity. "I'll see if she needs any help," she had said, heading to the pointed direction of the kitchen.

Jyn had looked up to Leia coming in, but politely refused help. "Not much to do at this point, what'll you have?"

They'd sat in silence for a minute while Jyn poured, and Leia felt things were more than a little awkward.

"Tell me about yourself, Jyn," she said as the woman slid Leia the red plastic cup.

Jyn looked over her own cup and sighed. "I hate being the hostess, how's that?"

"Well, it does make it easy to go home at the end of the night." Leia took a cursory smell of the beverage, and took a sip.

Jyn smiled and nodded. "It does, but I was never much of a party girl."

"Neither was I. Give me a good book and a bottle of whiskey and I'll snap at you to leave me alone the whole night."

Jyn laughed at that. "You seem to be in better spirits than yesterday."

Leia shrugged. "You gotta let the past die sometime, right?" Jyn nodded, but seemed to look somber too. Leia sighed. "Don't tell me, Anakin Skywalker ruin your life too?"

Jyn shook her head. "I'm afraid that honor goes to my own father, Galen Erso." She'd had her body facing away from Leia until them. Jyn now turned to face her across the island counter.

Leia blinked. "Wait, the Galen Erso? Of-"

"Khyber Industries? Yeah. You've heard of us." Jyn didn't look up from her own drink, her lips were pursed.

"I guess our dad's are peas in a pod. Yours makes the explosives, and mine lights 'em." Leia tried to remember her promise to Luke. But how often do you meet a kindred spirit?

"Khyber doesn't only make explosives, and he wasn't a bad person, really, he wasn't. You have to believe me. Just-" Leia knew that feeling, the desperate desire to reconcile two conflicting ideas: father and creator of terror.

She decided to throw Jyn a bone, to show they were on the same side. "He hasn't left you a good legacy."

Jyn sighed as if relieved Leia understood. "No. It feels like a weight on my chest, like he somehow strapped the souls of all the people those terrorists took." Jyn took a long drink and rubbed her temple. "And no one understands, not even Cassian. He tries, oh he tries, but-"

Leia nodded emphatically. "Believe me, I get it. You're looking at probably the only person who does. Maybe Luke, but I doubt it."

Jyn sighed again and Leia placed a hand on her arm. They were quiet for another minute as Leia wondered. Cassian seemed to have a type, a thing for girls with daddies who committed atrocities and issues because of them.

"I shouldn't have brought it up. Just- being back home, I can't help but be depressed," Leia finally said, not wanting to let that be the last thing they say to each other.

"No, I'm the one who shouldn't have said anything. I know- erm…" Jyn raised her eyes to the ceiling, a different awkward radiating from her.

"How much has Cassian told you about me?" Leia asked, not trying to be confrontational.

"Some, I can't say how much. I know about your father, and your parents- the Organas, that they- they-"

Leia raised her hand. "Its fine, they're dead, no need to say anymore."

"And he said that you'd…changed, and you broke up not long after."

Leia chuckled that those two events were correlated so easily, while, to her, they had seemed so separate. Her parents died in a horrible tragedy, while her relationship with Cassian fizzled out after they both grew up. Maybe a change of subject was in order. People were starting to come into the kitchen for food and more drinks and it would be better if neither of them cried over their dead fathers. "You're maid of honor, yes?" Jyn nodded, scratching the side of her cup with her nails. "Lucky you, you and Mara close?" People were coming by, getting drinks and chatting.

Jyn nodded again. "We had the same foster parents for a while, and have been close ever since. She's the one who introduced me to Cassian, at the races."

Ah the races, Leia had nearly forgotten about them. For a while, in Coruscant, she had been able to pretend that people didn't actually lose their time, money, and minds over gasoline fueled moving parts and tire treads. "How're those going by the way?"

Jyn chuckled at that. "Pretty well, I guess, but that's a pretty broad question." She handed someone a drink.

"Who's- who's winning?" Leia had no idea what she was talking about, and she was sure Jyn could pick up on that. Luke had done some small-time racing in college, even once winning and semi-final, but never made it to the local pro-circuit. He'd said it just wasn't his scene, and went back to studying transcendentalists.

"Well, it will depend on who you ask." Jyn leaned over the counter and gestured to a man standing on the end of the island counter where they were sitting. "Like he'll tell you no one matters but him, but he also lost the most recent race. So it differs, you see."

The man seemed to hear Jyn because he turned his head and grinned at her. His smile was charming, Leia would give him that, but bregrudingly.

"One time," he said. "I let them have one, Erso." He kept his body facing away from the two women, taking a drink from his own cup.

"Tell that to the others, Solo, you'll be in for a fight," Jyn told him, not looking up at him. She poured a drink for a woman Leia didn't know but was faintly familiar.

"You know me, always looking for a good fight." Leia watched him as he caught the eye of the woman getting a drink from Jyn. The smirk was back. "Don't do the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs with a passive attitude."

That comment tickled a part of Leia's memory. Where had she read something about that again?

"Leave her alone, Han. She's not going to sleep with you." Jyn's warning was firm but also slightly teasing.

"Maybe let her decide for herself." He turned around finally and smiled at her. "Hi," he said.

She smiled and greeted him back.

"What's your-"

"Its 13," Leia said finally, causing everyone at the island to look at her. "If you're Han Solo, it was 13 parsecs, not 12."

His whole demeanor changed, standing up straight and pursing his lips. His brown leather jacket fit him very nicely, but did nothing to hide his size, while not humongous, intimidating nonetheless "It was less than 13, that's the official ruling. I should know, I was there." There was more annoyance than amusement in his voice, but not completely devoid of mirth.

"That's true, 12.759. But the officiants count in quarters and round up." Leia'd always had the reputation for being a "know-it-all," which was annoying even if she did deserve it.

"How do you-"

"I have the official record, well, a picture anyway." Leia showed them her phone.

He leaned over the table and squared his jaw, squinting at the picture. "Where did you get that?" He sounded more curious than accusatory.

"I'm a lawyer, and it was necessary research for a case that I'm not at liberty to discuss as it is still ongoing."

He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. "You can't just pull up documents like that-"

"Actually you can, its in the public record." She slid her phone back into her pocket. "No one does because its a lot of work, but sometimes your findings can pay off. Like at a party where a guy is using technically correct facts to hit on women."

Jyn chuckled moving away from the counter, the other woman had already walked away. Solo uncrossed his arms and walked—sauntered even—to lean on the counter next to where Leia was. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced, I'm-"

"Han Solo, we established this already." She did her best to keep her body language neutral so that there would be no doubt that his attempts at flirting were not working.

"And you're the girl who made quite the scene the burial yesterday." There was a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Leia felt her lips twitch into a smile, but she reigned them back to placid. "You were there?"

He shrugged. "I was invited."

"I would hope so, who in their right mind wants to crash a funeral?"

"Those guys you yelled at didn't seem to mind." The smile split his lips now.

"I rest my case." She broke eye contact with him. His eyes were just too much to stare into. She took a sip of her drink for something to do.

"So who was the dead guy to you?"

"I should ask you the same, you're not related to him, I know that much."

"How-"

The door flew open, held open by Luke's outstretched arm. "Han!" Luke said, a bit more enthusiastic than he'd probably intended, but it was sometimes hard to tell with Luke. "I see you've met my little sister. Leia, this is Han."

The two in the kitchen turned to stare at the open door. Everyone in the living room has stopped what they were doing to peer in at the drama and Leia sighed.

"Wait- wait, you're L-"

"Leia Organa, nice to meet you. Let's not do this again, shall we?" She slid off the stool she'd been perched on, heading for the door.

"He bothering you, Leia?" Luke asked as Leia moved to go past him.

"Worried about me, baby brother?" Leia didn't look to see, but she was sure Luke made a face.

The party resumed as normal, but now Leia was sitting next to Cassian and Jyn as everyone watched an old movie. It was one of Luke's favorites, she knew that, but had missed the beginning. She felt the couch next to her sink with the weight of a person, and felt her annoyance level spike.

"So as I was saying 'fore we got so rudely interrupted," Solo said quietly enough so that only she could hear. "Sorry about your dad."

She flinched and set her jaw. "My dad died on the sidewalk of the town square five years ago after being mowed down by a car. The man we buried yesterday was nothing to me."

He seemed speechless by her admission, but it didn't make him go away either. "I'm sorry," he only said. "Life's fucking complicated."

"And you're making it so much better currently."

"I've been known to turn the attitude of a room, I admit." She refused to look at him, but she knew he was smirking.

"From bad to worse, yeah." She glanced at him, and he was indeed smiling. "And what are you smirking at?"

"Its just so amusing that you don't even know me, but have decided you hate me."

"I don't hate you, like you said, I don't know you."

"Could've fooled me."

Cassian moved to look over Leia. "Han, stop it. You may think you're an unstoppable force, but she is definitely an immovable object. Leave her alone," he said, settling back down.

"Thank you, Cassian," Leia said. "What a gentleman." She couldn't stop the words coming out of her mouth, and immediately regretted them.

"He just compared you to a rock or likewise." Solo's voice was different, no longer teasing, genuinely offended?

Maybe I'm into that, she desperately wanted to say, desperately wanted to see what he would do when she said that. But she knew what it would sound like to Cassian and Jyn, both of whom she had a terse friendship to begin with. No, better to show restraint. She was an adult, after all.

"Say it," Solo egged. "Whatever comment you're biting back, say it."

She only looked at him, using up the last of her resolve to stand and cross the room. She wedged her way in between Mara and an old college friend of Luke's to rest against her soon-to-be sister. She did her best to not look at Mr. Solo the rest of the night.

[swfanficbyjz]

SW Rey Theory - Legacy of Light - Chapter 26

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Table of Contents - >

(10 and 11 years after Return of the Jedi)

           Ashla stared numbly out the transparisteel glass of the Millennium Falcon as Nyx jumped the ship into hyperspace. It was strange to be back on this ship, but it felt good to be somewhere familiar again. She knew better than to be worried about her mom now, but she was tired of feeling guilty that her mom had to save her sorry butt. As if Ahsoka didn’t have enough to worry about, now she was causing her more trouble. One of these days she was going to get her killed, and that scared her. She bit her lip and glanced over at her uncle that she hadn’t seen for fifteen years. She’d been so lost in thought, she didn’t realize he was studying her. “What?”

​            “Nothing…” he looked away, brushing his long dark hair out of his eyes. He looked thinner than she remembered, and paler. Was he still drinking so much?

​            “Thank you for picking me up,” she said nervously, expecting him to be angry that he’d had to get involved with her again. She had no idea how her mom had found him and gotten here so fast, but she was grateful. “I don’t mean to cause you trouble.” He sighed and leaned his head back against the chair.

​            “You aren’t trouble, Ashla,” he murmured, closing his eyes. She wanted to ask him why that wasn’t what it felt like sometimes, but maybe it was better to let it go. She couldn’t remember the last time he was this quiet and not upset about something. She wondered what had changed since the last time she’d seen him. They’d kept in touch over the years, but not a lot was said about where they were or what they were doing. So the conversations were brief and sporadic. She’d missed him, despite knowing that he’d probably been happy to be rid of her after dropping her off at the enclave. “I’m sorry,” he said after awhile. “I should have taken better care of you.”

​            “Uncle Nyx…” tears welled up in her eyes and she hopped up to hug him. “You did take good care of me. I didn’t understand it before, but I do now. You were scared, and after what I’ve seen, I understand why.”

​            “But it was my job as your guardian to protect you and I didn’t,” he patted her awkwardly on the arm and she let go. She’d forgotten he wasn’t as openly affectionate as Rex had been. 

​            “You can’t blame yourself.”

​            “But I do.” He stared at his feet. “When your mother showed up on my doorstep, I liked her right away. She gave me a hard time, pressuring me into letting her stay while I got beat up by thugs looking for some money I owed them. I don’t remember what all happened, but when I came to, they were gone and Ahsoka was standing over me offering to help me up. I never did figure out how she got rid of them, since there weren’t any cops nearby, but I was too grateful to care. After seeing the way she fought that guy back there, well… I guess I finally have an answer. Now I feel pretty foolish for all my rants to her about how much I hated Jedi. Without her help, I think my business would have tanked. She pulled me out of a bad place, kept debt collectors off my back and helped out around the shop. I was nervous about the future when she told me she was pregnant, I had no idea what to expect. Dealing with kids was not my forte. She was so patient with me, she let me help take care of you even though I wasn’t your father and I guess I fell in love with you a bit quicker than I wanted to admit to anyone.” He fell silent for awhile. She kept hoping he’d continue, but he didn’t.

​            “My mom said that even though leaving me behind was the hardest choice she ever had to make, she trusted you,” she smiled reassuringly at him. 

​            “I don’t know why. I badmouthed her old life, I badmouthed your father, I even badmouthed her…” 

          She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Jedi can sense things. She knew that in your heart you were a good person and that you’d take care of me as if I were your own, and you did.” She tried to sit back down but felt something inside her and she almost missed the seat. “Whoa.”

          “Are you alright?” he asked as she hunched back against the seat.

          “Yeah, I'm just tired." She stared straight ahead wondering if it meant what she thought it did. She shook it off, she'd been through a lot today and frankly, she didn't trust her senses right now. She hoped she’d be able to trust them again after what happened with Starkiller. "Nyx?”

          “Hmm?”

          “What changed? Why are you suddenly so… uh… nice?” She blushed realizing that probably wasn’t how she should have asked him what was going through his mind.

          “I guess I’m turning into an old softie,” he smirked at her and looked away.

          “Seriously, what gives? You’re acting weird.” She rolled her eyes.

          “Something your mother said before she jumped out…” she held her breath wondering if he’d actually tell her what that was.

          “Well? What?” she begged him to continue.

          “All these years I’ve stupidly believed that I’d gotten stuck raising you when that wasn’t at all what I thought I wanted to do. I resented her for the trouble it caused me. Meanwhile, she’d been wishing it was her that had you. That she’d gotten to be the one there and not me. The ironic part, I suppose… was that if your mother had been interested in being with me, I would have helped raise you anyways.” He looked up at her and she watched him curiously. “I don’t think she ever wanted me like that, mind you, but I kept hoping maybe she would if she saw what I did for you. Then seeing her again, wowee… it took my breath away.” His eyes widened, and he looked at her. “Don’t tell her I said that. I shouldn’t have said that.” He leapt to his feet and left the cockpit mumbling to himself and she stared after him confused. 

          She shook her head, smiling. So that was the main reason he’d put up with her for so long? He was still madly in love with her mother. It didn’t really surprise her to learn that. Everyone she’d ever talked to that had known her mother was enamored by her. And why shouldn’t they be? She was amazing! She was powerful, strong, soft, kind, brilliant... Ezra had admired her. Rex respected her and would do anything for her. Chewbacca had cared for her. Her father, who’d married a queen, had fallen in love with her. Ahsoka was just that type of person; you couldn’t help but love her. 

          She glanced down at her belly. She wasn't sure how she felt about sensing she could be pregnant. She thought she'd loved Galen. They'd definitely had chemistry, but after finding out who he really was... the idea that she was carrying his child made her nervous. She wanted to be a mother, at least she'd known for sure she did after making that deal with her own mom years ago. This was not how she’d imagined it, but maybe now that her mom was back from wherever she'd gone for so long, maybe they could finally be together. Maybe her mom would help her raise it. Although she hoped Ahsoka wouldn't be disappointed to find out Starkiller was the father. 

          Thinking about her mom reminded her that she’d just left her to fend for herself with dozens of crazy acolytes closing in around her and Starkiller intent on killing her. She tipped her head back, reaching into the force. “Mom? Are you still there?”

          “Of course, I am, love.” Ashla smiled the moment her mom’s voice came through. “It takes more than a raging maniac to bring me down. You should know that by now.”

          “I do, I do,” she laughed. Her mom sounded lighter, but still so serious. Like she knew something Ashla didn't. She didn’t know enough to understand the whole weight of what Starkiller had been trying to do to her, but the way her mom had reacted when she’d said they had dad’s helmet… Her mom had reacted in fear. It had crashed through her so strongly it had startled her. She’d never felt her mother afraid before. If she had been, she’d hid it well. Her mom had always known what to do, what to say. She seemed so sure of herself all the time, and Ashla wanted nothing more than to live up to that; to become that confident.

          So if her mother was afraid of this, she was too. This was bigger than she thought. She stared out the transparisteel glass and tried to relax, but a deep sense of foreboding settled inside her. They’d dismantled the Empire before, they could face this threat too, right?

 ---

          "I need to, uh, meditate," Luke looked away nervously after Leia went to check on her son. Ahsoka watched him tiredly for a moment but didn't move. Seeing him in person after so long was strange. He was almost a spitting image of Anakin, but she could see Padmé’s softness in him. Life and responsibility had been thrust at him with such force it was amazing he was standing so strongly in the light. This was the child that had tipped the balance in his father and brought him back to her. If only he knew how much that meant to her. Maybe someday she would tell him. Or maybe not. Well Padmé, your children turned out just fine. I think you’d be proud. I just wish after what we’ve all been through, that things were getting better not worse. I promise I’ll try to help them as best I can.

          "Master Yoda. Master Kenobi. Anakin… If you're there, we need a word," she said aloud, crossing her arms in front of her.

          "Oh right... I forgot you… wait..." Luke didn't get to finish his thought as the three force ghosts appeared in the room.

          "It's good to see you again, Ahsoka."

          "I wish it was under better circumstances," she brushed off Obi wan's words, not in the mood for false pleasantries. She paced back and forth as she recited everything she possibly could about what she'd learned on Taris, without of course, mentioning that Ashla was her daughter. She tried to ignore the way Anakin watched her carefully. The others were distracted by the words she'd said, but he’d always been in tune with more than that. He knew something else troubled her and she wasn't ready to say what.

          Once they were deep in conversation about the information she'd delivered, she slipped out and made her way to her daughter's room. She sat down on the bed and dropped her face in her hands, sighing deeply. It wasn't long before she felt Anakin join her. She should have known he'd follow her here. Didn’t he have bigger things to worry about? This was about his family after all.

          "I sense there's something else that's bothering you about this." He sat next to her on the bed.

          "That's because there is," she sighed again. She was too tired to cry now, she just felt numb. Why couldn't the dark side stop needing to rule the galaxy for five minutes?

          "Talk to me, Snips." He reached for her hand and she let him take it. At least the flicker of electricity she felt gave her hope she wasn't too far gone.

          "Starkiller said that they were trying to resurrect Darth Vader. I don't know if that's possible, but I have a feeling that if they manage it, you're not going to come back to life as this. You'll be something twisted and dark; and possibly worse than before. I can't lose you again, Anakin. My heart can't take it. I'm getting too old for this." She wished she could lean her head down on his shoulder or fold herself in his arms, but even though he sometimes felt solid, she knew she'd only go right through him. Which would be considerably less satisfying. She was capable of curling up in a ball all by herself, doing it with him there would only exaggerate the pain.

          "You won't lose me, Ahsoka."

          "You don't know that.” She threw her other hand up in frustration. “I'm tired of fighting. It's all I've ever done. Every time I think I could lay down my lightsabers and walk away, something else happens."

          "You don't have to get involved in it. This isn’t your fight. You've warned Leia, you've warned Luke. Let them worry about it now. You've done more than anyone can ask of you," he smiled reassuringly at her, but he didn't understand. He didn't know the whole truth. It wasn't that simple. Their fight was her fight, because she had a daughter that also belonged to him. They might not be her blood, but they were still her family in a way.

          "I can't stop, Anakin. I have too much to fight for."

          "This is about more than losing me, isn't it?" He tipped her chin back.

          "Yes."

          "Tell me."

          "I can't, Anakin. Someday I will, I promise, but I'm not ready yet." Her eyes burned with the millions of tears she'd already shed over this. Why couldn't she just tell him about their daughter? Why did she hold it back now? She had nothing to lose... and yet, it felt like she had everything to lose...

          "Ahsoka..." he was interrupted by Luke's call from the hallway.

          "Dad?"

          "Go, your son needs you," she breathed, gesturing to the door.

          "What about you?" he looked back at her sadly.

          "I'll be okay." At least she hoped she would be. He hesitated a moment longer and then left her sitting there alone. Ashla was safe; she was with Nyx. She was out of Starkiller's grasp. She'd be okay now. But she'd just found out her daughter was pregnant, and it felt like history was repeating itself. Only this time around, it was far worse than before, and somehow the stakes felt so much higher.

          She scoured the room for any of Ashla's belongings she'd left behind, put them in her bag and left Devoran behind her. It was time to confer with Morai and learn everything she possibly could about these acolytes. Morai had told her something very disturbing on Taris; she wasn't the only one that had escaped Mortis in a new form. Her brother; the Son... Ren… was still alive, and he might be the one behind all this. Which meant, this wasn't just a small-time cult with delusions of grandeur. It was a far bigger threat than any of them were ready to face. He'd had far too many years to build it before being discovered. Why hadn’t she connected the dots before?

 ---

             “What’s the matter?” Ashla studied the faraway look her uncle got as he held her newborn child. The fallen walker they’d made home in the middle of the desert on Jakku was… well it would do for now. It was private. It was far from everything, and after the Empire’s horrible defeat here, it was the last place anybody would think to look for them. Hopefully…

           “Nothing. I was just remembering what it was like to hold you for the first time. I delivered you too, you know. It’s come full circle I guess,” he smiled at her and brushed his jet-black hair back out of his eyes.

           “You delivered me?” she laughed, sitting up on the bed. She wished her mom was here right now, but as usual Ahsoka had far more pressing matters to attend to. She wondered how Luke was doing. If they’d been able to help Ben. Her mom had told her not to worry about it, but she did. For the second time she’d been taken away from her brother; her family. Just when she’d thought things were finally looking up. She’d locked away her mother’s lightsabers and sworn that she wasn’t going to do anything that could draw attention to them here. But if this child ended up being a force user, she wanted it to learn too. She’d have to worry about that when it got older.

           “Well obviously I didn’t do the work, but I caught you when you came out. Don’t sound so surprised!” Nyx had chosen to stay with her for awhile after they’d found this place. She was grateful to not be alone. He’d changed a lot in fifteen years. He didn’t drink anymore, but he still liked to gamble too much. She got the impression that he was trying to make it up to her mother for all the years he’d resented her. She didn’t care why he stayed, she was just glad he did. He came around and handed the little girl to her. “So, what are you going to name it?”

           She was instantly in love with the infant in her arms. She thought about what her mom had said about how she got her own name. Then she remembered what Ezra had said to her; about how she lit up the room like her mother, and for the first time, she fully understood how something so amazing and good could be born of darkness; as though the sun had finally peeked out from behind the clouds. She smiled, unable to hold in the joy she felt. “Rey. Her name is Rey.”

Epilogue - >

[kareenvorbarra]

can you do "Seeing Beren grimace at his suggestion" to the end, from your Beren at the ruin of Doriath tumblr fic?

this is from the fic dvd commentary meme that i reblogged like a month and a half ago. andie was the only person to send a prompt and then i went to brazil and never responded gkjhaldskjghg so here you go, thank u for your patience my friend

the fic in question is a WIP excerpt that I posted on tumblr here. its working title on my computer is “Last Fight” (‘This ford the Dwarves must pass ere they reached the mountain passes that led unto their homes; and there Beren fought his last fight, warned of their approach by Melian’). I started this story back in ye olde wankier days of 2013, and haven’t added significantly to it since then, though i would theoretically like to finish it someday x_x I’d been stanning Beren for a while by then, in response to some fan interpretations that i found unfair. In late 2013, me and a couple of my friends were low-key feuding with another small group of fans about various topics (Feanorians vs. literally anyone else, Noldor vs. Sindar, King’s Men vs. Faithful, you name it) and somehow the cool new debate became Dwarves vs. Doriathrim. For a while there was some arguing back and forth in meta and reblogs about who exactly was more at fault in the whole Thingol-Dwarves-First Sack of Doriath fiasco. 

i’ll spare you the details of the wider debate, but Beren inevitably got drawn into the arguments because of his role in ambushing the dwarven army on their way back to Nogrod, where he and some Green-elves killed nearly everyone who had participated in the attack on Doriath. the specific issue that prompted me to write this snippet of fic was the question of whether or not Beren, having killed all these Dwarves who were not working for Morgoth or coming to attack him personally, should have been able to hold a Silmaril without getting burned. by that point I was pretty tired of trying to argue that attacking multiple civilian settlements because someone took your dad’s jewelry is not morally equivalent to ambushing an army that just came from attacking a civilian settlement, and instead decided to write a fic that solved the question by simply not having Beren touch the Silmaril because it freaks him out (which has been my headcanon for a while since he’s canonically the only person who keeps getting a Silmaril and immediately handing it off to someone else). He just picks the Nauglamir up by the necklace part and brings it home and gives it to Luthien. It seems a bit silly now but that was my initial motivation. 

i was also intrigued by the way the Green-elves, or at least the ones who associate closely with Beren and Luthien, seem to have no interest in the Silmaril for either magical or political reasons - they simply bring it to Dior when B&L die. I wanted to emphasize the fact that the Green-elves have different priorities than pretty much everyone else when it comes to material possessions; their lifestyle and culture doesn’t particularly value treasure or physical permanence (i think there’s a line in the Silm about how their settlements can be to quickly and thoroughly hidden that the Beorians don’t even notice that there are people living there when they first enter Ossiriand). Also I believe there’s a line in the Silm or somewhere about all the treasure (except the Silmaril) getting thrown into the river, and maybe also about it being cursed. The Green-elves don’t seem like people who would take any chances with stuff like that, and they’re not super into shiny things regardless, so it would be an easy call for them i think. 

Almwë is an OC i originally created for the fic Inheritance, which features flashbacks to Dior’s childhood in Ossiriand. In my headcanon, Nimloth’s father is from Doriath and her mother is from Ossiriand. Though she grew up in Doriath, Nimloth often visited her mother’s family and has a strong connection to that part of her heritage. Almwë is Nimloth’s mother’s older brother, and a chieftain of sorts among the elves of southern Ossiriand, where Beren and Luthien live (i know you’ve already read this Andie but if anyone else is curious, I wrote a bunch of headcanons about the political and social structure of Ossiriand here). I wanted to further explore Beren and Luthien’s connection to the Green-elves with this fic, and Beren’s relationship with Almwë was one way to do that. 

The last full paragraph, where Beren thinks about his relatives....well, i’m weak for Beren thinking about his relatives. that’s always been one of fandom’s weakness when it comes to writing/discussing Beren, i think - his story is one of overcoming tremendous obstacles and immense trauma and building a future for himself despite losing everyone and everything he cared about, and his memories of his family are just as important to his story as his relationship with Luthien. i don’t think the profound emptiness and grief that comes from losing his entire culture every fully leave him. 

and there aren’t a lot of depictions of old Beren, not even in the Legendarium - the battle at Sarn Athrad is one of the only real stories we have about him after he and Luthien go to Tol Galen. I think Beren loves living there, and that he fits in pretty well with the Green-elves and has friends among them, but it’s still a weird feeling to grow old among all these elves with only his own sort-of mortal family members for company. i think aging would make him think about his family even more, and remember the things they told him about growing older (since he has no one around now who’s gone through those experiences before him), and i think it would make him miss them in a new way. but i also think he’s able to remember them with happiness, and that even though there is bitterness and regret in him still, he knows his family would rather he survive and be happy than die with them or out of grief for them. there was also plenty of criticism of B/L going around in those days about how they didn’t “deserve” their “happy” ending (lmao) and while i think that’s garbage obviously, their ending is ultimately pretty bittersweet, and i wanted to convey that too, with old Beren being dragged back into war when he’d hoped to live the rest of his days in peace, and always living with the horrors of his past. 

[theturlingtontimes]

I’m ready to Share (pt. 1)

Hey Guys! 

Well, hey to the 10 of you that are following me, haha. I just wanted to explain myself, and put my personal story out there for your guys as it pertains to major recent events in my life. I’ve always had a strange life. The suicide of my good friend made a few people I know ask me to finally share my story, and throw a bit of awareness about several different things. Mainly pertaining to mental illness, as I know not a lot of my peers or people I’ve met in general, believe in mental illness. So here goes, I guess:

I guess it all starts when I’m 2. My biological father dies unbeknownst to both my mother and I, as I am obviously two, my mom is with my “father,” and busy with her new life. My father and mother marry when I’m three and divorce when I’m five. It was a good life, even with their separating. My father and I are close, and although my mom works a lot and is going to school full time (i didn’t see her much as a child) my memories of her are happy. 

At this point, my father and I move in with my great grandparents. My Great Grandma Della, (although she was a conservative Christian woman) had a great mind. She was truly one of the greatest examples of an independent woman that I will ever have the privilege of meeting in my entire life, and her husband, my Great Grandpa Galen, was fully supportive of her independence and the way she carried herself. My Grandma Judy and Papa Brian were the same way, because of all the people (not even mentioning my mother’s family- which will come later) it took to shape me into the person I am today, I truly believe that it takes a village to raise a child. I was blessed to be taught how to think and not what to think as a child, I understand now that I’m in the real world, that in some families, beliefs are passed on from generation to generation with children being ostracised if they dare speak against their family values. 

My Grandma Angie, has always been a single mother, and for my formative years, so was my mother. My Uncle David, always made sure that I was using my imagination and kept my eyes open to the structure, flow, and scintillating fire the arts inspired in my tiny 5 year old body. I danced from ages 3-18. My Uncle Daniel, taught me the art of rebellion, such as going out and playing in the mud despite how many times my mother yells at me not to despite the starch white of my dress. 

Like I said, what little childhood I had, was a good one. 

My childhood ended at the age of 7, when my father married the spawn of the devil. 

Her name is Kari, and unfortunately her lopsided boob job and tight hold on his balls, has made him a pussy. My step-monster is probably the root of all that is wrong with me. 

It all starts when I tell her I’m not going to call her mother. At this point, according to her, I am too old for stuffed animals, dolls, Disney, and dress up. All these things are taken from me and I am left with nothing but paper and pencils from school. I am in second grade, and all the activities I am left with are drawing and reading. When I look back on this, I am saddened by the fact that I barely have a childhood to remember, and the fact my father never stepped up to defend me, but I am also thankful for this, because if it weren’t for my step-mother’s agenda to ruin my life I wouldn’t be as amazed by words as I am today or inspired by all that is around me. 

I faced emotional abuse from my father after that point. I was told I was lazy, and I didn’t even try, and what a homely child i was, but i guess that fell on my mother. Like I said, I read a lot as a child, and to this day it breaks my heart that my own father doesn’t even think I’m beautiful. I didn’t see it when I was 10, because I’m not sure a 10 year old can comprehend mental illness or abuse, but now I see I was just irrevocably depressed and demeaned from a young age. I think my self-image will always be damaged because of them, as I was always in the wrong. I would get yelled at for defending myself to all the bullshit that came my way. 

I will never forget one time after I started going to therapy because even my mother thought I was a “strange child,” when I was punished for doing an exercise my therapist had suggested- writing a letter to my oppressors, several of which were addressed to my step mother. She had found the box I kept all the letters and written one demeaning one back to me for every letter I “wrote,” to her out of my frustration. My father told me he knew they weren’t for her but I just had to take my punishment because that’s how things work in the real world. In these moments of cruelty when he knew I was innocent he would always say how good people never get what they deserve out in the real world (I’m crying even writing this) my father, who is supposed to love and care for his child unconditionally, made me sit down and write a 5 page essay on why I was sorry for writing letters that were supposed to be for my eyes only. At my current age I cannot fathom why any parent would make their fifth grade child sit down and basically apologize for being mentally ill. I will never forget this because after I finished said essay, I was sent to my room and I was not allowed upstairs for dinner with my father and siblings, and I had to literally use my toothbrush to clean the downstairs bathroom. I remember sitting in my room that night, at the age of ten, crying all night, and for the first time begging God to bring me back home. To this day, my father has not apologized for this. 

I’m in sixth grade and my Great Grandpa Henson and Great Grandma Della pass away within months of each other. My lack of interest for school gets worse and my father and his wife convinced my mother I was not doing my school work out of rebellion, laziness, and good for nothingness as opposed to the simple fact I just wasn’t interested in school due to all that was going on in my life.

They had just told me my father wasn’t actually my father. On top of my grandparents passing, I’m not sure it was the most intelligent decisions that my parents have made. All this, and my mom is seeing my soon to be step-father (who I now consider my dad) plus, all the shit that comes with middle school in general. It was a relatively rough year, to put it lightly.

Seventh grade was when all hell broke loose in my life. 

My step-mom had a nasty habit of going through my things and yelling at me about them. Even my text messages to my mother. I was never exempt from having an opinion, and at this point I’m twelve and I’m headstrong. Through my adolescence I become more stubborn, and I get better at standing up for myself. Which leads to the situation that separated me from my father and broke our relationship beyond repair. I had a few work sheets from a seventh grade health class on sex & drugs (of course, it had to be that time of the year) and I got screamed at for hours because I had health homework, but according to my step-mom, I was selling drugs and whoring myself out. I got called a demented freak, and sent to my room, because my parents couldn’t handle being in the same room as me. I sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed that night and for the second time I can remember in my life I prayed that God would take my life, to take me home with him because I couldn’t handle staying here on earth with a family who hated everything I was. The next morning when my father took me to school, not only did he not speak to me on the way there, I’ll never forget the disgusted look he gave me when I told him I loved him, and the silence I got in response. 

Eighth grade was a relatively happy year, as my mom married Jamie, my dad, and I think I might be more thankful for him than my mom is. To this day, he is one of the only people to make me feel loved, and the love of my life, my younger brother is born this year in my life.

The ninth and tenth grades makes me realize how shitty people are, and abusive, and selfish. I had a boyfriend who didn’t value me at all, who was emotionally abusive, and very on and off about me, but it was normal for me, right? I had a childhood full of emotional abuse and my own personal hell had me feeling like nothing good was coming for me. There’s more to this part of the story that some of you who are close to me may know, I don’t want to get into this. And many more events. These years were heartbreaking for me. 

Here’s the back to back romance that became my life:

My junior year rolls around, and I finally have a boyfriend, Alex, who respects me, and really helps me feel better about everything that is going on in my life. I can never apologize to him enough for how poorly I acted in that relationship when all he gave was his all, and again; I’m so irrevocably sorry about that, as I didn’t stop for a second to consider he probably had his own problems as well; in fact I don’t think I ever even asked him, so when he said he needed time, I exploded, and that was not okay on so many levels. I’m sorry. 

Then there’s Jake. I couldn’t even tell you what that was, but believe me when I say he was (and still is) divine beyond comprehension. I’m not sure it was felt on both sides, but for me, Jake was the first person I had ever “talked,” (for lack of a better term), to that I felt truly understood by, and listened to. He amazes me, and still does, because of how compassionate and understanding, he is. When you meet this kid, and talk to him, you’ll see what I mean. It’s like he has all of life’s answers- he knows the order of order and the order of disorder, and at times I really wondered if he’s life’s own force. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out- but I wish him nothing but the best.

My junior year was truly ass. 

My Great Grandma Henson died, my Aunt Sherry dies five days after her. 

After this, I’m too depressed to care about my stupid christian school (well, less than I already did) and eventually, it all got to be too much. 

I drank bleach. 

You might be saying, wow, Jordan, that’s really selfish. But it’s also really selfish of you to not think of what it feels like to not feel anything. Being numb is truly a curse, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It’s this feeling of total incapacitation (not sure that’s an actual form of the world, but who cares) and defeated all the time, with nothing but hatred, disgust, and judgement from those around you, is the hardest thing you can go through. Because you can’t help it. In this situation, you’re completely helpless. 

And that’s how I was feeling. 

My life actually looks up at this point, I’ve never felt as normal and content as I did in a treatment center. Being around other people who understood what was going on with me, how superficial and mindless my ass school was, listened to my frustration without judgement, and agreed. No one here made me feel like an idiot for talking about how high school wasn’t shit, it made me feel better to be praised for my art instead of being called a freak, or dark, or different. I HATED that in high school. I felt celebrated and unique. For the first time, I wasn’t anxious around other people my age, and for the first time in years, I truly, utterly wanted to live. 

Lets end on a good note, It’s currently 1:14 A.M. and I am falling asleep. I’m going to finish this story soon, don’t worry. (For those of you interested, anyway.)