#but like what if they’re homophobic and like intentionally fuck up my shit

[lamictallesbian]

Can’t tell if I’m being super paranoid by taking the gay flag out of my bio when following hair stylists and nps on instagram

[theinconveniencing]

lots of things in my life are frustrating me rn but one thing that’s really getting to me lately is two of the most important people in my life (my mom and sarah suitemate) not taking my sexuality seriously. like All The Time they’ll say something about me being a lesbian and I’ll just stare at them and then they’re like “oh sorry. I meant ‘bi’” and they always say it like it’s some sort of fucking joke. and the difference between the is that while my mom just doesn’t believe I like men, sarah suitemate doesn’t believe bisexuality exists. like I genuinely thought she was joking at first but she truly doesn’t understand how somebody could possibly like more than one gender. like neither of them are intentionally being malicious but it sucks when you’ve spent Years of your fucking life considering your sexuality and doubting yourself and what you feel and two people who really matter to you just. don’t fucking believe you. and this is only related in regards to sexuality but nobody is talking about god fucking isolating it is to be asexual. like everybody wants this thing that you just Don’t and you’ll never understand it. and it’s not something I can really even describe and it sounds so dramatic but i really do feel broken and wrong sometimes bc everybody is taking about sex all the time and I just don’t Get it. like that’s not real come on. and while I’m not completely opposed to the idea of dating I’m not actively perusing it bc it’s not that important to me and I just don’t really care that much also low key that shit sounds awful but it’s just. lonely not knowing anybody else who doesn’t have much if any of an interest in sex and romance. and obviously there are literal millions of other people out there who feel like this but I just wish people would shut the fuck up for two seconds. also this is a small thing but most sex jokes make me soooooo uncomfortable they always have like can people shut the fuck UP. however somehow this is just an irl problem bc sex jokes on tumblr are in fact funny.

and back to being serious but all my coworkers are homophobic and I wasn’t really planning on coming out to anybody at work unless we became friends outside of it but it’s so sad to see how much hatred they hold for people like me who did literally nothing wrong. it also makes my blood boil lile why do you CARE. and the day I got my nametag I went home and I was gonna put some stickers on it and there was a tiny rainbow heart from a lisa frank sticker pack and I wanted to put that on there but I figured it was a Bad idea so instead I opted to put a pain bow sticker on the inside so only I know it’s there. which is a small thing but it’s important to me. and on a lighter note whenever lesbians hop in line they always end up going to my one of my coworkers instead of me like oh my god when will I start winning.

[devondespresso]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

tagged by the lovely @blushweddinggowns

1. are you named after anyone? Yes! my legal name came from a nickname my mother used for her sister and Devon is actually the name of one of my cool older cousins. My sibling suggested it one day and we were like “yo thats like a cool older brother name” and it didn’t occur to us until later just how biased that opinion was

2.when was the last time you cried? uh good question. its not like it was super long ago i just have a terrible basic memory. i think it was reading a fic? pretty sure i shed a tear or two reading the epilogue for Smoke Oh The Water on ao3

3. do you have kids? no im 18. but also no if i was 40. im terrified of fucking up another human. maybe eventually ill foster older teens with my future wife. who knows

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? not intentionally, i have this habit of saying “oh joy” when someone tells me about something sucky that has or will happen because i dont really know what to do in that situation. so it feels like an “aw that sucks :(” but with the casual tone that lets them lead the conversation about it

5. what sports do you/have you played? i think i did cheer in like preschool, I did archery in middle school, and took weightlifting in high school. i’ve also done yoga on and off since summer of 2018 and i know its not a sport but no one talks about it outside of Instagram fitness girlies and im sick of this disrespect (/j)

6. whats the first thing you notice about people? first probably outfit/aesthetic, next is how they speak. tone and word choice and what they says about what they think about whatever they're saying. i have the irl subtext radar and all that does is make me cry easier rip

7. what’s your eye color? hazel?? brown? your guess is as good as mine bestie

8. scary movies or happy endings? happy endings. my imagination will convince me of the wildest shit if given the slightest bit of inspiration

9. any special talents? uhhhhhhh im pretty proud of my weird mobility skills? like ive got good balance and coordination (usually). i can put on pants one-handed? i can open doors and flick light switches with my feet? im good at climbing shit?

10. where were you born? what are you a cop /j (deep south, red state)

11. What are your hobbies? i like yoga and calisthenics and improvised dancing. i love screenwriting and film and im finally giving fanfic writing a shot! i also just like making shit like sewing and customizing figures and making little scenes out of displays

12. do you have any pets? yes my cat his name is mittens aka goose boy aka bagel boy aka wiggle man aka bogus aka bingus aka chicken aka little baby man aka loafus aka mr meow meow aka moafus aka doodle boy aka squirmy wormy aka- *gunshots*

13. how tall are you? 5′3? again your guess is as good as mine

14. favorite subject in school? theatre. i dont get to be normal. if were talking like. regular subjects then it depends on the teacher. i had an english teacher that let me do a book report on a manga. i owe her everything.

15. dream job? in an ideal world id be a screenwriter and director. but the world isnt ideal its actually sexist and homophobic and ableist and shit so i doubt id get there rn. its the gen z depression.

i sincerely dont know if i actually have 15 mutuals (statistics say yes, anxiety says no) and im nervous about tagging usually because i dont want to assume connections are closer than they actually are AND ive convinced myself i keep tagging the same mutuals too much lately AND its 2 am and i work in the morning so no tags tonight but mutuals if you want to then consider yourself tagged! and feel free to @ me in your list (tags or “tagged by“) if you want to!

[elitespacefreak]

I think I know what was the post are you talking about. I thought 160 was the most popular rumor. Where did that huge number they used came from? Mishearing 160? I mean they seem like a nice person, and I read their fics, and I think their writing is enjoyable and Zim's age not even seems to be a central focus, because gen-fics, no "we have to explain this for romance-purposes", so I don't mind it, I just feel like every time I hear a "canon" number it gets bigger. 120, 150, 159, 160, 170, 200, 300, that post's number... When the only thing we know that he is older than any living human, right? I am only like 4 years into this fandom, but I feel like I aged like 50-60 years.

That 160 had a couple extra zeros on it actually which made me cackle, but the only reason I even notice stuff like that is because it’s always predicated with “ZADR is bad/pedophiliac because…” and that’s the reason they give.

I mean I’ve thrown down with some people who were creating dangerous spaces for actual pedophiles and groomers in the fandom by spouting this bullshit, and have won every single time because it’s obvious they have absolutely no substantial understanding of what pedophelia is, how to identify and categorize it, and what’s necessary for it to come into play.

But like, I get tired of minors who just got here saying things are canon when they aren’t. They treat Jhonen’s word like gospel because they haven’t been around long enough to know that he intentionally makes stuff up on the fly that he contradicts later. He fucks with the fandom every chance he gets because he thinks we’re a bunch of fucking crazy people, and it’s fine because we bullied him for a decade and a half for new Zim content and it worked. But that took years, I’ve been active in the fandom since like… 2006?

These 15yo kids think they’re hot shit but back in my day you were worse than homophobic if you didn’t ship ZADR. So the bashing isn’t new, it’s the same ship just a different and opposite standpoint. The problem is, the more they cry wolf, the more harm they do, and they’re so hellbent on helping in the only way they think is right, they don’t take the time to step back and see if it actually fucking helps.

I don’t want minors to think there isn’t a space here for them, because there is and it needs to be safe. But they also need to fuck all the way off with this idea that adults aren’t allowed to have their own spaces for adult content concerning media they literally grew up with from the time they were the same age. The other option is for 30yo adults to write about prepubescent children and that’s just as uncomfortable for us.

All that to say, Zim has no identifiable age, never has, and probably never will. So if anyone who sees this isn’t mature enough to accept that and stop intentionally interacting with content that upsets them, block me. I’m too old for this shit but I’m not afraid to put someone in there place either.

*gets off soapbox* now where’s my prune juice…

[grenade-maid]

Like, sure, being dumped for a man sucks. But it's not actually worse than being dumped for a woman. You can rationalize it by saying it feels like a reaffirmation of society devaluing relationships between women, but newsflash asshole, your ex isn't some abstract representation of ~society~, she's a real person just trying to find a good partner. Her options include men, so yeah, there's a pretty good chance she'll date a man. There's nothing wrong with that. It's not actually about you. I mean hell, sometimes your ex will even make it explicit that she's dumping you because she thinks relationships with men are more important. I've been in that position, and yeah, it hurts. But that's all it does: hurt. Again, it's not all about you. You're a big girl, you can deal with it. No matter how much you might feel betrayed and heartbroken, it's no excuse to take that and paint bi women as inherently untrustworthy, the enemy, slaves to the patriarchy who just want to play with your feelings or whatever paranoid self centered conspiracy theories you want to spin up. Cause you know what sucks WAY WAY WAY more than some shitty breakup? Trying to be part of a community that is supposed to be there for you, but is seething with resentment and hostility towards you. Even if she does see her relationships with women as less meaningful, her being bi didn't do that, the homophobic society we live in did that. I mean, get over yourself for a second and think about that, where's your empathy for someone intentionally closing themselves off to some of the relationships they're in cause they can't bring themselves to think of them as real? You can laugh and nod sadly and knowingly when you read stories about how long women struggled to recognize their attraction to other women, all the ways they downplayed it and ran away from it and were scared by it and refused to acknowledge it, tried to say it's something else or just a phase, but suddenly if they're also attracted to men you expect it to be easy for them? How in the world is that supposed to make sense? And if you're so worried about them seeing their relationships with other women as legitimate, where do you think they're gonna find that kind of support, let alone the women you think they should be dating, if, again, you've gone out of your way to make your community as horrible as possible for them? I mean jesus christ, you experience what it's like living in a homophobic society, not being able to talk about who you're attracted to or who you're dating to friends and family and co-workers lest they turn on you, and not only do you think bi women are exempt from that for some reason, but you want to treat them the exact same way cishet people treat you? What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you really suffer the homophobic vitriol your Fox News addicted evangelical great aunt spewed at you and think "Oh man I can't wait to do this to someone else!"

Relationships between two women aren't superior or more progressive then ones between a woman and a man. They aren't inherently safer or more egalitarian either. I can tell you from experience there are absolutely women who will refuse to cook or clean or look after children, who will sexually abuse you, manipulate you, gaslight you, and take your money. Being a lesbian didn't save me from any of that, and it was just as bad as if a man did it. You face homophobia in the streets? Guess what, they face the exact same homophobia. Yes, even when they're dating men. Often times even by those men they share a house with. Yes, even if they stay in the closet! I mean fuck, do you remember what it was like being in the closet? Was that liberating and privileged and safe and awesome or did it fucking suck and just make you terrified of the people around you finding out and hurting you? And on top of that, even when they date women, they face biphobia from them, too, and in both instances it leads to abuse.

Between lesbians and bi women neither has it easier. Some of the shit they face is different, but it's the difference between being hit in the head with a tire iron or a baseball bat. You're really gonna quibble over which is worse rather than focus on the people hitting us both in the head with blunt objects? Really? They've got unique experiences, but they have so much in common that treating them as categorically incomparable and mutually unintelligible is just stupid. We're all just fucking people trying to find love, and we all risk getting hurt in the process. Get over your juvenile hangups about women dating men, get over whatever stupid baggage you've got, and just be there for your sisters. Fucking hell.

All of these sentiments go out to bi people of all genders, this is just a response to specific shit I'm seeing and familiar with in my own experiences among the wlw community.

[rosyluv]

—Chapter one: Avenge club.

Summary: Nick Fury joins a group of misfits in S.H.I.E.L.D academy together, to help him stop chaos and injustice happening with-in students in school, thinking that the students he chose are the most adequate. However his choosing only backfires.

Warning: none. Just rlly bad attempts at comedy.

✩ Steven “Steve” G. Rogers.

‎✪ James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes.

‎⧗ Natalia “Nat/Natasha” Romanoff.

➸ Clinton “Clint” Barton.

𓅃 Samuel “Sam” Thomas Wilson.

‎⎊ Anthony “Tony” Edward Stark.

✲ James “Rhodey” Rhodes.

✧ Virginia “Pepper” Potts.

——

✰ There’s obviously a whole lot other characters in the story with boards too but ofc tumblr bitch won’t let me put more than ten so … ✰ enjoy!

——

“There was an idea, Stark knows this- called the avengers club. The idea is to bring together a group of remarkable people to see if they would become something more, when needed them to fight the battles that we never cou— ”

“Is he doing it again?’’ Sam leaned over Steve and whispered drowning out what Nick is saying. Steve ignored him to listen better to Fury.

“Is he quoting that comic book again?’’ Steve knew what Sam was talking about. In more than one occasion they would enter his office and he would hurriedly put a comic book away –something about earth’s mightiest heroes or something - clear his throat and adjust his shoulders. Nick in all dark clothes, a series almost terrifying face on and a series, unreadable attitude, was a first-class nerd. Who would’ve known? Only them probably.

“So, what you want us to do; is start an anti-bullying club and help people getting bullied in school?’’ Steve recapped what Nick said a minute ago.

Well when Nick Fury: Director and head of the Academy summoned Steve, Natasha, Bucky, Sam, Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, Wanda, Pietro, Clint, Thor, Val and Bruce. He didn’t exactly explain what’s the reason, And since they all frequented his office if not every week then every day, they thought it they had again done something bad. Like maybe it had to do with Clint getting beaten up at 6am behind the school today. So obviously they would be confused that this is why Nick summoned them. Nick was getting tired of their shenanigans, especially with the council putting pressure on the academy, it being the beginning of a new school year, this idea was made in favor of making them useful and at the same time putting a leash on them. Well. It has more depth than that but he’ll get into that eventually.

‘’Tony you didn’t tell us about this. Why?’’ Pepper frowned at Tony.

‘’I honestly didn’t know he was serious.’’ Tony drawled out, narrowing his eyes, studying Nick.

‘’So, no one is going to comment on that passionate speech?’’ Sam joked.

‘’Yes, that is the idea.’’ Nick nods, ignoring the others. “I have been discussing it with The council for a while.’’

“Nick,’’ Nat begins, earning a light frown from him at the usage of his first name, “what do you want us to do exactly? Put up signs that say: ‘Don’t bully, be friends.’ Because those things are embarrassing and a waste of time.’’ She says calmly, pressing an ice pack on Clint’s bruised eye.

‘’Yeah and the council doesn’t know shit,’’ Clint says, ushering Natasha’s hand aside. His bruise shading purple now. “We don’t need an anti-bullying club.’’ He stated confidently.

Nick tilted his head and narrowed his eye; Clint could almost hear him saying ‘bullshit’, almost.

—5 minutes ago

So, Clint wasn’t the smartest one in the group, or better; the safest. In translation: “reckless, thoughtless, and insanely, good at ruining your life.’’ As Nat and Steve would say.

And if ruining his life is getting his back thrashed over the wall outside the main school building in some weird ally, he -somehow- always ended up in every two weeks or so, in the same situation then he was doing pretty good at that.

‘’You know, bullying is so last year dude- ‘’ he began.

‘’Where the fuck is my jacket?’’

‘’What jacket?’’ That prompted a punch to Clint’s face. His eye throbbed.

‘’My jersey jacket, the one you stole from my party last Saturday.’’

‘’Dude, I didn’t steal your jacket.’’ Well to be fair Clint did go to the party last Saturday, and he did drink, a lot. So, he himself wasn’t sure of anything that happened that night, but what he is sure of, is that he would never steal anything, especially a jersey that belongs to the school’s top basketball athlet, Nat would kill him.

“Loki said you’d lie.’’

‘’Lok- what?’’ Clint blinked, then hissed when his eye ached. ‘’Loki Odinson? What does he have to do with this.’’ He recognizes the voice of the guy in front of him he just can’t exactly be sure, and the pain in his eyes are making it hard to concentrate, being sleep deprived and accused of stealing doesn’t help his fuzzy mind either.

“He saw you taking my jacket and leave,’’ He gritted, Looming over Clint.

“And you believed him? Loki? You believed Loki?” he asked amused, almost laughing.

“Why would he lie?’’ he threw his arms up.

“Why would he- ‘’ Clint half whispered like he was so shocked at this guy’s stupidity, he actually had to repeat what he said to understand that he really doesn’t know anything about Loki odinson.

“Have you meet Loki?!’’ he asked genuinely, voice getting higher.

‘’I don’t give a shit about who’s lying and who’s not, my jacket is still missing and if you don’t get it by tomorrows basketball practice, I’ll fucking report you.’’ He spat.

Present time.

‘’Aww, c’mon Nick, that guy’s wack, he wasn’t bullying me, he can’t even punch- owie.” Nat pressed at the bruise a little harder. Intentionally probably, Steve thought.

‘’You won’t just be an anti-bullying club.’’ Nick argued. “You’ll also arrange and be in charge of the dances, the festivals, the field trips.’’

‘’So, like a student council club.’’ Steve drawled, like he was explaining the words to himself and Nick.

“Almost, Not exactly,’’ Nick said, one corner of his lips quirked up and one eye narrowed, creasing under. He looked like he was arranging his words.

“You’ll be official representatives of the school, that’s why you’ll host and arrange the events. You’ll welcome the new kids and supervise on important things, like debate and take student suggestions and at times even football games. And, most importantly, show awareness to not only bullying but the things people normally turn a blind eye to. Students mental health and necessities, you’ll support all communities and stand by kids in school who are given a hard time and excluded, make this a place for no discrimination on all grounds such as sexuality, race, disability, creed, color and wealth. In a way you’ll be the center of everything; the face of the academy.’’

Silence.

Then a little more silence.

Then Tony scoffs. “You make it sound as if it’s a nation not a school.”

Rhodey lets out a breath agreeing with Tony. “Yeah, and Do you really think we can live up to your expectations?’’ he scowls.

Nick shows a buzzled face, Rhodey elaborates: “I mean, this sounds like a big responsibility, and we’re not exactly that responsible, we’re still learning things and Clint practically gets bullied every day,’’ he frowns at Clint who has one eye closed, and the other half open, holding up peace signs.

“What Rhodey wants to say is: Why did you choose us out of a whole other lot better options?’’ Sam explains.

“Yeah and it’s 2020, bullying is irrelevant, instead people just hate on themselves, we all do it!’’ Clint explains, and immediately gets hit in the head by Nat who keeps a monotone expression on. Sam puts another ice pack on Clint’s head.

Ignoring Clint, they go back to the conversation. “Nick, you said it yourself a hundred times; you don’t really trust us.’’ Steve says. “So why are you handling us this?’’

“Yeah it’s making me anxious.’’ Bruce fidgets.

“Bruce everything makes you anxious.’’ Valkyrie corrects.

Fury groans lowly and mumbles something under his breath about difficult kids. “As much as it pains me to say it. You’re the best choices I have.’’

All of their eyes widened, for two reasons. 1st Nicks Fury is never nice, especially to: “What’ll be the death of him.’’ And 2nd, they didn’t exactly believe in themselves being the best at this? Nick must provide some reasonable points or they would just consider this a last-minute decision or that they’re his last option or something.

Nick must’ve noticed the second reason (and ignored the first reason) because with a long sigh, he began. “Steve, remember last year, Will Hanks, that kid who didn’t get accepted in the golf team, because the leader was a homophobe?’’ Steve nodded. “You reported him to me and I kicked him out of the team, and Will is now 1st class champion of the school team with two silver medals.’’

Steve looks like he’s going to say something. “Val,’’ Nick begins. “Remember Last year? Maya Perez that girl that was excluded of the student lock-in night, because she didn’t know how to speak English well. And you locked those girls out of school and welcomed her in?’’ Val made a face.

“Pepper, Tony and Thor, you three have become sort of role models- ‘’

“Icons.’’ Tony corrected.

Nick ignores him. “The three of you have great influence on the kids who go here. They would do anything that you do in a heartbeat. Say the things you say, believe the things you believe in- ‘’

“Your point?’’

“My point is:” he adds the same amount of sarcasm Tony added. “They’re affected by your status, imagine you three beginning to fix the bad things happening in school, putting a stop to them. Using this reputation you have on making good things in school. They would eventually start doing the same too.’’ They didn’t argue, except Tony, who looks like he has a ton of things to say.

“Rhodey and Bruce, you two are smart and fair and you know what to do in inconvenient and hard situations, you have a sense of … adultery, you would be considered the most responsible and reasonable.’’

“And I’ve also noticed some blunt physical bullying.’’ Nick continues, slowly turning to face Clint. Clint blinked pressing his lips together.

“So, I also have a plan for that.’’

‘’Which is?’’ Nat asks.

“Val, Nat, Bucky, Steve and Thor. You guys have the ability to stand up for these bullies that beat up and take advantage of weaker kids, the things that go unnoticed to teachers I’m sure you see them. You have guts and are -weirdly- super strong.’’

“Clint, Pietro, you two are excelled sports champions, Pietro, I have never seen anyone run a track as fast as you, you’re the school’s top athletes.’’ Nick says. “Clint, I know you can be responsible and i know you can quit being a dumbass and start going back to practice.’’

“Sam, Wanda, the two of you are brilliant at consoling. Remember, that girl Anna, who had a serious leg injury and couldn’t heal because of emotional distress, she felt that she failed her gymnastic team because she couldn’t win. You two talked to her and reassured and eased her into healing mentally before physically.’’ Wanda scratched her head. Sam bit the inside of his cheek.

“And finally,” he began, tiredly. “Steve, you have a strong moral code, you know what’s right and what’s wrong, being the football team captain and on top of all school activities, people look up to you. You make good decisions and can guide and lead people.’’ The room was dead silent by the time he finished; you could hear a pin drop.

“Okay that’s a great motivational speech I’ll give you that,’’ Tony began. “But, that’s sadly 20 percent of what’s good, the other 80 percent are bad things. This is easily a stupid idea. We can’t force people to change, schools will always have bad kids.’’ Tony argues.

“And why exactly are you here, you only care about yourself and your own appearance.’’ Steve points out. “Take that leather jacker off what are?’’

“Sorry I don’t wear my church pants to school.” Tony shoots back looking at Steve’s khaki pants, flannel shirt, the academy symbol imprinted on the left side, (because god forbid they didn’t have the logo on their clothes) then a red and blue football jersey jacket. And Tony is looking at his outfit with so much disbelief, Pepper rolls her eyes at him.

Val shakes her head, frowning. “What the fuck are they talking about? That was so random.”

“You people are so petty,’’ Thor chuckles, his accent deepening. “ … and tiny.’’ He frowns.

“What do you mean you people?” Clint exclaims.

“Sorry to stay this is very stupid, like Stark said.’’ Thor says, leaving the office.

He opens the door and stops dead in his tracks. Nick must’ve added some intense sound proof doors because they were immune to the commotion happening outside. Every kid in school was fighting, the hallways were a mess, the old posters they had up made a new place on the floor and torn, pepper gasped when she saw (she worked two days on those) and in the middle of it all was-

“Loki!’’ Thor shouts, already angry at his brother, literally standing in the middle of the chaos. “What. Did. You. Do?’’

“Nothing.’’ He says, offended.

Nat runs after Thor and stops a girl– Beth who’s standing away looking nervous and anxious (obviously), Nat begins to ask her what is happening. She explains shakily: ‘‘All the exam report cards got mixed up and some are torn in the garbage, people who passed now have Fs, and it’s all a mess! they’re fighting because they think one of the them did it.’’ The girl said, nervously.

Nat and Tony and all the others hurriedly look in their bags for their own report cards, which they just received this morning, only forgot to look at when Nick had summoned them.

‘’I got a D- on history?! No way that’s true. I studied so hard for that test.’’ Steve says, then he checks the rest of the subjects. “Well at least I got an A+ in math.’’

Tony scrunches his card. “Yeah there’s definitely something wrong with these report cards.’’ He hurries to say.

“I got an F in biology?!’’ Bruce gasps.

“Okay … ” Tony drawls out. “This is just so stupid. All of the information in the report cards are saved in the student school data base so it’s not that big of a deal.’’ He says, confused.

“I don’t think they know that; some misunderstanding must’ve happened.’’ Beth tells them.

“Did you do this?’’ Thor asks Loki, or more of yells.

“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.” He coons.

“So you did. Why?!”

“‘Cause, I was bored.’’ He says, like it’s the most reasonable argument.

“This is why mom is always disappointed in you!” Sam burst out laughing in the back. Thor didn’t understand, well Thor never liked vine anyway, so Sam wouldn’t expect him to get it.

“You hurt my feelings.’’ He puts a hand on his heart, dramatically, like the theatre nerd he is.

“I don’t care.” Thor says. “Stop this madness right now.’’ He demands.

Loki makes a face like he’s thinking it over.

“No.’’ He simply says and leaves.

“Tony you said the report cards are saved in the … Uh- data base, right?’’ Steve asks.

“I did, yeah, does your frozen brain not get it, should I explain- ‘’

“No!’’ Steve stops him. “Look, they obviously don’t know that for some reason; someone should tell them so they stop fighting.’’ Steve says.

“Yeah probably.’’ Tony nods sighing and Steve realizes he isn’t going to volunteer to do it, so he huffs and heads to Nicks office and grabs a horn mic from his office desk. He hesitates for a second, when he finds Nick not moving in his chair. Normally he’s supposed to be out there, putting a stop to the chaos. Yet he’s not bothering. Nick gestures for him to go ahead with his hand. Was this some sort of test? Because Nick was weirdly calm for an academy director in a situation like this.

Steve saw Mr. Coulson enter Nicks office while he was stepping out, he heard him say: “What should we do?! I can’t find any of the teachers they’re gone!’’ in a panic. To which Fury answeres with: “Nothing, just stand by. They can handle this on their own.’’ And Steve thinks he could differ on that.

He stood in front of the others who were outside now, the mic in his sweaty, big, nervous palm, straightening his back to seem capable like he always does, “Okay I don’t think Fury is going to help stop this,’’

“Why?’’

Nat made a face, “Because he wants us to take care of it.’’ She states.

“And we’ll calmly ignore that,’’ Tony draggs the words out.

“No. We need to fix this, not because we have anything to prove; but because we should.’’ Steve protests.

Tony makes a disgusted face. “Okay, captain righteous.’’ He jokes.

Rhodey sighs with a nod, “What should we do?’’ He questions Steve.

Steve blinks, and he’s making the same face that he made when he and Bucky were eight, that time they ate all the cake Sarah — his mom— bought from the bakery for their arriving guests, and there was no way they could make it to the bakery five blocks away in time, before his mom comes back and yells at them, then he clenched his little hands unintentionally, his eyes widening comically and told Bucky that if they take a shortcut they could go to the bakery and get another freshly baked one before his mom comes back from work and she wouldn’t notice. She didn’t.

“Okay … there’re two storage rooms, Tony, Bruce, Pepper and Rhodey, separate and go to each, make sure the data isn’t erased and that it’s all there. Sam, Wanda, take Beth away and try to calm her down. Val, Thor, Pietro and Buck.’’ he looked at the stairs and saw a kid almost fall. “Make sure no one gets hurt. And if someone is, take them to the infirmary, please.’’ He looks at Nat and Clint, “Look for the teachers, see where you can find them, and bring them back so they can help sort this out.’’ They all groan at the thought of getting the teachers back, but all of them headed to do the things he ordered nonetheless.

Finally after they’re all gone he looks at the long main hall stairs and decides it’s the best place for everyone to see and hear him well

He climbs the stairs and when he reach the top, He holds the horn mic to his lips and shouts for them to listen; it doesn’t work, they don’t stop. Then the second time also doesn’t work. Then he goes to shout again but the Bucky is next to him on the stairs and snatching the mic from his hand.

‘’Hey! Everybody SHUT UP, Listen!’’ And this time it works somehow and Steve looks at him confusedly because everyone stopped shouting and fighting and looked expectedly at Steve. Bucky gave him the mic back and Steve breathed out a thanks.

He takes a breath in. “You can’t fight about unreasonable things that you didn’t think through. This is just a misunderstanding.’’ Steve reasoned slowly.

“But the report cards- ‘’

‘’The report cards are filed in the school’s data base so our real gradings aren’t lost,’’ Steve explains. “How did you guys not think of this?!’’

A guy Speaks up. “Loki said the teachers didn’t save them in the data base, he told us he saw someone in the teachers’ office switch them up too!’’ he explains.

Steve puts the mic down. “And you believed him??’’ he asks amused, making a very confused face.

“Anyway, the point is, we all can have our real report cards back, it’ll take a few days but I’m sure Nic- ” Nick, who was standing outside his office now, glares at Steve. “Mr. fury, will arrange them in their right order in no time.’’ Steve says. “So, you have nothing to worry about, everything will be alri …’’ He trails.

He sees Pepper, Bruce, Tony and Rhodey return to the main hallway, they look at Steve at the top of the stairs. Bruce waves his hand over his throat in a ‘stop’ motion and Rhodey keeps making hand gestures for Steve to stop talking, Steve and Bucky’s eyes narrow trying to understand what they’re trying to say. Tony rolls his eyes and uncrosses his arms, “For fucks sake,’’ he sighs. “There’s nothing in the storage rooms, it’s all a mess.’’ He shouts.

“Tony!’’ Pepper snaps at him, Rhodey scoffs like he was expecting that, and Steve’s eyes widened in panic.

“What?! They’re going to be madder when they know he’s lying anyway.’’ Tony defends and Pepper shakes her head.

“So that was a fucking lie!’’ Someone shouts from the back. “Loki was right!’’ and then they’re fighting again, and it’s more of a mess than it was before if that’s even possible. Val, Thor, Rhodey, Pepper, Tony, Bruce, Sam, Nat and Clint had come back and stood at the top of the stairs with Steve and Bucky, away from the chaos.

“What do we do now?’’ Sam asks, Steve shakes his head, like he can’t give an answer.

Bruce fidgets. “All in for not being up to this.’’ They all raise their hands.

Clint leans his head to Steve’s, still looking at the mess in front of them, “We couldn’t find the teach-’’ Steve makes a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, his head falling down. Like he was expecting that but he didn’t want to hear it.

“Does anybody know where Loki is?’’ Thor asks, they all turn slowly and glare at him.

“Okay fine, no one cares.’’ Thor huffs and looks at the trashed hallway. “Understandable.’’ He nods.

Pepper sighs. “This is a mess.’’

“Yeah, such a mess.’’ Someone next to her says, someone she can’t recognize the voice of. She frowns and looks beside her. A girl, 5’5ft or maybe taller, shoulder length almost golden hair, fair clear skin, blue eyes and long lashes and a charming dimple smile, broad lean shoulders, wearing their school uniform, the original one, well they all designed their uniforms the way they wanted them to look, “as long as the logo is there.’’ Nick would sigh out. So, they recognized it was different than their own and other kids designed ones.

“Who are you?’’ Rhodey asks, pointing a finger at her.

“I’m Carol,’’ she smiles. “The new girl.’’

——

I promise next chapter will be better i prOMISE—

[destiny-smasher]

“But I can't walk on the path of the right, because I'm wrong.”

So, The Last of Us Part 2 is out. It’s about 25 hours long. I’ve played it. I loved it, but it’s got its flaws. I think the hype buildup was overblown, and I think the zealous hate from the leaks was also overblown. This is a beautifully produced game that is trying to do much more than the typical AAA game tries to do, and in so trying, it’s messier, muddier, and more complicated than its predecessor. I love it for that, despite my issues with how the game ultimately resolves things.

I think Naughty Dog was either intentionally misleading audiences (which, given the marketing, is possible) or perhaps Neil himself has a different concept of the game he directed than what was actually delivered. Despite how it was advertised, The Last of Us Part 2 is not inherently about ‘hate’ or ‘revenge.’ It’s not just a revenge story.

It's a story about empathy, about how human beings and their interactions have layers, and how we are better when we extend blind empathy to others instead of blind hatred. I gotta talk about this. SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE GAME to follow.

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Seriously, final warning for SPOILERS.

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This game is simply too big, too complex, and has too much going on for me to write a single piece going over everything there is to talk about, but there are some things I need to say that inherently rely on discussing the entire game in a spoiler-filled way.

Let’s start with the most noticeable thing that has hit me over this game’s reception: people like Joel way more than I would’ve expected. SO much of this game’s negative reception seems to be over Joel’s character and the circumstances around his death. I was not at all surprised that he died - I was a bit surprised at when and how he died, in the moment, but even by the end of the next scene, it had washed over me how much sense it made. He died in the same way everyone else dies in this series. He had it coming in the same way anyone else in this world has it coming. He was never a hero. If you truly look at Joel as a ‘hero’ figure but don’t extend that same logic to Ellie and Abby, you do not make sense to me.

I’ve seen a LOT of hate getting thrown at Abby, and frankly, I do not understand it, and if you hate her but do NOT hate Joel or Ellie similarly, then I inherently don’t respect your opinion? You’re being blatantly biased and unreasonable in exactly the way this game is arguing you should not be. Straight up. Get your transphobic jokes the fuck outta here. Get your homophobic takes on Ellie and Dina the fuck outta here. Get your xenophobic complaints about the MUCH more diverse cast of characters in this sequel the fuck outta here. The ONE case where I could see a reasonable thing to be conflicted about is Lev’s character, because they are a transgender kid who gets deadnamed by some NPCs. As a transgender person, I personally found this to just...make sense and feel organic to the world, and none of the actual characters in the narrative with names or roles in the story ever deadname Lev. Lev is fucking precious and I love him, and I think his inclusion adds inherently more to this game than otherwise, despite the understandable conflict some might feel about his backstory. To ME, the fact that all of what Lev goes through and how Yara and Abby do what they can to look for him, that says to me, “protect trans rights” and I am glad it is there. Trans people have to deal with that shit sometimes, I think it’s fine having it be PART of a wider narrative. It doesn’t define Lev’s story, it doesn’t dictate the plot of the game, it’s a spark that sets some events off and I think that adds more than it could potentially take away, as does the overall representation in the game.

Getting back to this element of bias, though, I get that you “went on a journey” with Joel and Ellie in the first game. I get that. But you spend about as much time with Abby in this game as you did with Joel in the first game. And I see a lot of people are SOMEHOW totally fine and chill and cool with Joel going on a murder rampage in the first game, specifically killing at least one man who was specifically trying to save humanity - they cite that Joel is a morally gray person who has done bad things and is trying to become a better person. Sure, cool, OK. And Ellie, sure, ya’ll will think her going on a bloodthristy revenge quest is cool, fine, A-OK, because Joel was murdered. But somehow they are physically incapable of extending that same empathy to Abby, even after the game bends OVER BACKWARD in every reasonable way it could. Why is this? One person tweeted at me the simplistic, reductive idea, 

“ I know the sensible thing that naughty dog was aiming at was that we'd feel sorry for abby and eventually grow to like her, but for me I just don't. I loved Joel and I love Ellie. They didn't kill anyone who I loved as a character. Abby did. “

At least they’re being honest with themselves in that they literally missed the entire point of the game. You having personal bias you cannot remove yourself from does not make for “A DEEPLY FLAWED STORY” or whatever the fuck people have been tossing around.

I personally don’t buy any of that bullshit until we get into the final hours of the game during the epilogue, but we’ll get to that.

Everything in the first 20-ish hours of this game felt organic and believable and completely in line with the first game to me, and the fact that ALL OF IT happens as a direct after-effect of Joel’s selfish act at the end of the first game really contextualizes how/why it was called ‘Part 2.’ So honestly, all of this nonsense about this sequel being ‘badly written’ is just...bonkers. I will agree it’s not some master class in writing - neither was the original game. But both games are very similar in writing style, tone, and the world presented is consistent, while character motivations are realistically complicated. Naughty Dog has never been great at plot, but the real quality of their work comes through in how much effort they go to in order to present realistic feeling worlds and characters, and from the environments to the actors to the extra animations on top, I think the details and the context they create are where they shine.

To better understand where I am coming from with this game, let me lay this on you.

During the scene in that basement, when Abby shot Joel in the leg, and Ellie shows up...I realized what was about to happen. Ironically, it was exactly what I had originally predicted was the thing going on WAY back when the game’s reveal trailer was dropped -- that Joel was dead, and was motivating Ellie’s revenge quest. If you’ve read what I have written of Arcadian Rhythms, you will have some idea of my feelings on Joel and Ellie’s relationship -- in short, I think it is complicated, and just as damaging as it is good. That’s real life. That’s how reality is for many relationships, especially ones between parents and their kids, especially in my experience. When I realized Joel was about to be murdered, my feelings and thoughts were not jumping to ‘oh fuck what an asshole I wanna kill these people’ or ‘oh no not Joel’ but rather, my immediate gut thoughts were ‘yupppp Joel kinda deserves this, he literally did this to who knows how many other people, but why are THESE people, specifically, out to get him?’ 

When Ellie later cites to Dina that there’s ‘no point’ in speculating as to why these people murdered Joel, because it could be for one of many possible reasons, I found that to be interesting -- Ellie herself acknowledging that Joel had fucked over many other people, while still pursuing revenge herself.

I do think the theme of ‘the cycle of violence’ is very core to this game and arguably is its strongest central theme, specifically because violence in wholly integrated into its gameplay. But narratively and structurally, empathy is, I would argue, even more paramount. This game spends about 12 hours of its runtime (so about half of the entire game) actively trying to encourage you to understand, relate with, and empathize with Abby. The developers COULD have had you swapping back and forth between both characters, which might have resulted in better pacing, but I think it would’v taken away from what they were going for. It’s that long, slow burn that makes Abby’s side of the story work, in much the same way the long, slow burn of the first game does what it does, and the way the long, slow burn of Ellie’s revenge quest helps us see just how far gone she is.

But “arghh I hated Ellie she kept making bad decisions that made no sense” some of you say, “they did her DIRTY” some of you say.

No.

Joel did her dirty.

The Fireflies did her dirty.

And it’s this exact concept -- that our actions and choices have consequences and ripple outward beyond what we can initially imagine - that is at the heart of why I think I love this game so much. Most video games depict a pool of water that is either a constant whirlpool, a raging clash of waves, or stone dropped in the middle and the ripples spreading out. The Last of Us Part 2 is more like a series of ripples all happening simultaneously, and not all of them are as apparent or even important, but it’s just...a bunch of ripples all happening all over the place.

And it breaks my heart, during 2020, a year when human rights, systemic racism, a worldwide pandemic, late capitalism, and entire countries submerged in protests because their government is fucking them over...has people shutting off or refusing to turn on their empathy to anyone outside of their bubble. In 2020, when the world needs empathy more than any other year I’ve experienced in my life thus far, a game like this goes SO FAR above and beyond what most games try to do, in a very risky and controversial way, to actively invite its players to fucking STOP AND CONSIDER for a damn moment that there’s more to the world than JUST YOU and what you care about. That your actions have consequences beyond your singular perspective.

Ellie is fueled by rage for a number of reasons, and we don’t even understand all of them until literally the final moments of the game, which I found to be appropriate as it ends on a note of reminding us that there is ALWAYS something we don’t know, something we don’t understand, motivating someone else’s decisions.

Ellie was robbed of agency, of purpose, by both Joel and the Fireflies. Joel robbed both Ellie and the Fireflies of their purpose. And the Fireflies robbed Ellie and Joel of theirs. In return, Ellie is left without purpose, and all she’s really left with is a broken man who desperately wants to be a dad again, to the point that he will murder and lie to hold on to that. Don’t get me wrong - I don’t necessarily hold it against Joel that he murdered people to save Ellie. I will always defend the idea that it was a fucking selfish decision that would realistically lead to consequences. But in the same way Marlene points out to Abby’s dad, ‘What if it was your kid?’ ie ‘What if it was someone you loved?’ I get that, that’s the beauty of how the first game ended. It presents a zero sum game where there is no ‘correct’ choice that everyone can agree on, but in the back of our heads -- and Part 2 actually states this as a point of fact -- we all know Ellie would have CHOSEN to sacrifice herself, had she been asked.

So it was deliciously realistic to me to see Ellie grappling with the frustration, distrust, and anger of Joel having not only robbed that purpose from her, but having lied to her about it. And in the end, it was also wonderfully realistic that part of why she hated Abby so much was that Abby inadvertently robbed her of her chance to try and rebuild and repair that broken relationship.

But here’s the thing, though - the thing I see fucking NO ONE talking about, and I can’t decide if it’s because no one is picking up on it or what.

Both Ellie and Abby are haunted and driven by broken men making selfish choices. Their selfishness keeps both characters kind of locked in to desperately grasping at violent acts to justify a purpose.

Some will play the flashbacks with Joel and will feel warmth and nostalgia and admiration. Some will play the flashbacks with Owen and feel disinterest or disgust because ‘why should I care about these people?’

For me, I couldn’t help bu draw parallels to how both Owen and Joel were men trying to be good, you know, not being specifically evil people, but men who were a bad influence on the women around them, who were great and good and charming and all that until things didn’t go the way they wanted, pushing and prodding with passive digs and pressure to reaffirm their own hopes that despite their mistakes, they’re ‘good men.’ Owen is admittedly much less well developed in this regard, partly because his arc just isn’t as deep or interesting, partly because he didn’t exist in the previous game. But I still could not quite shake it. I grew up with men like Joel and Owen as my father figures, so there’s personal bias there.

I literally had an actual nightmare that woke me up in the middle of the night partway through playing through this game because Joel was in it and I said or did a thing he did not like, and his reaction spooked me awake, in part because I LIVED that growing up. (not murder, but violence, passive aggressive manipulation) I absolutely adore the depth given to Joel’s character, that he has LAYERS to him, and I loved seeing Tommy similarly expanded upon. (him passively prodding at Ellie to try and make good with Joel felt a little manipulative, given that he KNOWS what Joel did; and even his wife’s prodding at Ellie at the game’s outside to ‘make good’ with some old jerk who seems all expectant about being rewarded for basic apologizing, ech)

Last of Us is a horror game, Part 2 even moreso, but it was the feeling of men like Joel who do bad things and then try to justify them after the fact that actually creeped me out more -- all the more creepy because I KNOW Ellie and Abby will give up on better choices to try and ‘do right by them’. I was relieved when Abby began to break free from these old, poor choices, even shortly after making more fo them during her half of the story. This brings me to another fascinating aspect of this game: how Abby’s story is a combination of both Joel’s and Ellie’s.

Dunkey (of all people!) recently praised this game and compared Ellie’s and Abby’s narratives to TLOU1 and Uncharted 4, and I agree with him in a lot of regards, there, but I think what the team was more going for was for Abby’s story to feel like a combination of Joel’s and Ellie’s while simultaneously being directly impacted by Joel and Ellie’s story.

Abby grew up in a military community, even though she expressed an interest in science -- just like Ellie. The death of her father drives her on a quest for revenge -- just like Ellie. She does some horrible shit to people all in the service of trying to protect a kid as some desperate attempt to feel better about all of the bad shit she’s done -- just like Joel. She starts to let herself be empathetic to other people and tries to become a better person because of the kid she takes under her wing -- just like Joel.

In a way, you could argue Part 2′s overall story is kind of repetitious. Ellie’s quest for revenge is a bit too narrow-minded and blind in her rage, and Abby’s story kind of recycles many components we have already seen up until that point. I think what’s there still generally accomplishes what it set out to do: get us to question and try to understand why people do what they do, and consider our own place in that cycle, in those ripples.

I think many aspects of this game that look circumstantial on the surface are not accidents.

I think the recurring imagery of water is an allegory for how we can let rage, anger, and hate drown us. The game’s title starts with a boat drifting in water, and the title changes after the ending to a boat that is beached. The Seattle arc shows a gradually increasing focus on water flooding the environments, culminating in a big rainstorm with crazy waves. The final fight sequence (which tbh I hated but we’ll get to that) takes place literally IN water, involves Ellie trying to drown Abby, and ends with the two of them going separate ways in their boats.

I think it’s no accident that Abby and Ellie’s desire for vengeance is ultimately caused by the same specific moment, and I think it’s interesting that many people seem to skip RIGHT OVER the idea that Ellie feels such a deep sense of rage at Abby killing Joel only because Joel made the decision that caused Abby to kill him in the first place -- and the good and bad that came from that. It’s just a brilliantly complicated web, I think, and that further highlights that none of these characters are inherently good or evil, which is pretty much the entire point of this world in the first place.

I think it’s interesting that both Ellie and Abby grumble insults all of the time over the people they’re killing, and both try to justify their violence with thoughts like “well we’re better then that, we don’t do THOSE kinds of things,” which is, ya know, literally the kinds of mental hoops actual real human beings jump through to justify doing bad shit to each other.

I liked the idea of the trading cards until fairly early on when I found the ‘Dr. Uckmann’ card, which...made me roll my eyes a little at first, until I read the description, which then made me feel more actively uncomfortable than maybe anything else in the entire game, to be quite honest. Partly because it rang of entitled self-importance, but partly because of the reports of Naughty Dog crunch culture.

And on that note, let’s talk about how this game arguably crunched its employees way more than it needed to while simultaneously making its story more bloated than it needed to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I love indulging in more STUFF than it required. I can totally see the appeal of writing extra stuff to a story like because you can, because it’s interesting, because it’s fun to MAKE shit. But when you are a AAA game development studio who is potentially crunching your employees into burnout, maybe a fairly pointless epilogue on top of a game that is already arguably a bit too long in the tooth is...maybe not the best way to go?

On the upside, I enjoyed playing the Santa Barbara location, I loved getting some more Abby/Lev time, I liked seeing Ellie a bit older, I LOVED the scene at the farm with her, Dina, and JJ. I loved the gameplay challenge that was the Rattler’s base. I loved that this game had noticeably larger environments to explore.

But tbh a LOT of content could’ve been cut from this game to make a smoother, better paced experience while simultaneously putting less strain on the developers. I do think the extended flashback sequences focused on non-violent gameplay is important enough to justify itself, but I think a lot of the more violent or unnecessary parts of the game (like the entire sequence on the Seraphite’s island and the Santa Barbara sequence) all feel like...EXTRA? Which on the one hand is great because hot DAMN more beautifully rendered locations, content, etc. but on the other hand I’m not sure it adds as much to justify the real life pain and misery I’m sure some developers went through to create it all, and in a way, it doesn’t quite justify its own existence if we’re being critical.

I get what they were going for with the Seraphites and the WLF but neither group is developed enough to really accomplish the goals of empathy. I think focusing on specific members OF those groups is better, because that is ultimately how real life people break down their walls of bias, -isms, etc. -- they just interact with and befriend people from these groups and realize organically “oh hey we’re all...people, huh.” The game’s attempts at naming NPCs and dogs don’t do much when the game actively rewards you for killing them (speaking of which, I played on Normal and there were way too many items imo, we’ll see how that is on higher difficulties). We could get into the role of violence and gameplay but that’s a WHOLE other can of worms.

But the Rattlers in the final act are even worse. After this entire game of being actively encouraged to empathize with other people from other groups and let yourself consider they aren’t evil, the game just...shoves an objectively worse group of people at you, asks you to murder them, and then...discards the whole thing without a second thought. I found this to be fun from a gameplay perspective (sorry Neil, playing your game actually IS FUN when you put so much work into making the violence fun to engage with) but I found it weird and frustrating from a storytelling perspective, as if the whole thing was an undercooked, unfinished final act that they cobbled together because they just...wanted enemies with helmets and an environment depicting southern California. Hell, tbh I don’t even get why Ellie had to be there other than the developers didn’t think players would be OK just...letting Ellie live a life in peace on a farm or that players would be OK NOT playing as Ellie at the end and letting her beat the shit out of Abby.

I actually LOVED the farm sequence, it felt so...weird for a while. Like you’re just waiting for the hat to drop. And when it does...it’s just PTSD. And that felt right. That felt good, that even though Ellie was spared, after all the shit she did, because she let go and spared Abby in return, she got to live this peaceful life...except life’s not that simple and old scars can still hurt.

I loved when Tommy showed up and we got to see that darker side to him we KNOW has been there this entire time, but Ellie maybe hasn’t been forced to see it. All the way up until this point, I felt I could understand where the characters were coming from and what motivated their decisions.

And then Ellie decided “no, actually, maybe if I throw all of this away I can maybe get rid of this PTSD I got from throwing everything away before.” And then it got worse when after she breaks into this fucking slave house to free people, after she saves Abby and Lev from dying on posts, she STILL wants to fight. ANd Abby’s where I’m at -- that ‘fucking REALLY?’ feeling. I utterly disliked the fight scene in the water. It was the one time in the whole game that actually felt like misery porn to me. I was honestly going into it expecting that maybe Ellie’s stab wound from the trap would cause her to be too weak to fight, and she’d literally drown from bleeding out because of her own unrelenting pursuit of revenge. But nah, we’re put through a pointless, brutal fist/knife fight that...doesn’t really have purpose imo. WHatever you wanted to accomplish here, you could’ve done back in the theater in Seattle. (on that note I LOVED the Ellie boss fight, what a fun gameplay thing and also just tense all around since you really couldn’t tell what was going to happen, but I LOVE that Lev stopped Abby from killing Dina, even though she had every reason to)

I can imagine different versions of the Santa Barbara sequence that offer a more edifying conclusion while still working in the environmental and gameplay components they seemed insistent on working in. It’s the one major portion of the game that, now that I’ve had time to process, I feel the most conflicted about.

Neither Ellie nor Abby “deserve” a happy ending in much the same way Joel didn’t “deserve” a happy ending. This game has no true protagonists or villains (anyone who is presented as a ‘villain’ is minor, and we don’t find out much about them anyway). I think Joel was lucky to get the time he got to live in community once again, to rediscover his humanity (look at all of those flowers they left at his house, this man who fucked over humanity and murdered countless people had a chance to live a few years of peaceful life again), I think Ellie was lucky she got time to even live what she did on that farm with Dina and JJ, and was lucky to still be alive at the end of the story. I think Abby was lucky to have been able to break free from a life of militaristic bullshit and rediscover some of her own lost humanity.

I think a lot of people admire Joel as a hero when it’s clear he was never one.

I think a lot of people admire Ellie and try to idolize her as the smarmy kid she could never permanently exist as.

I think a lot of people hate on Abby for EXISTING (and being a woman -gasp- WITH MUSCLES) and I’m pretty pleased with Laura Bailey getting to play this role (and Ashly Burch getting a supporting role in this game, too, for that matter).

I think The Last of Us is not ‘about Ellie and Joel.’ I think The Last of Us is about humanity, and exploring it through different angle. Sometimes needlessly gritty and dark ones, but Part 2 gave us even more light-hearted, pelasant moments than I could have expected. I think people who look so reductively at this game -- now officially a ‘series’ -- as ‘Joel and Ellie 100x forever’ and literally anything outside of that being bad and a waste of time fundamentally missed the entire purpose of this game, ironically ignoring what it is trying to passionately to convey. I think Naughty Dog’s marketing of the game actively misled people in ways that are rare for the industry, and I do think that is a bit shady - but on the other hand, being misled actively improved my experience with the end product (which is arguably why they did it). I think the way Sony has latched on Joel and Ellie as ‘Playstation Icons’ and encouraged people to buy up TLOU merch depite there not being much TO turn into merchandise says something.

Also? Frankly?

I am SO FUCKING TIRED of “angry sad dad” games.

Like. I loved TLOU 1, I loved the new God of War, etc. etc.

But God of War took basically NO RISKS and had NOTHING TO SAY that countless other pieces of media have said to death. That’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with that, I really enjoyed it and look forward to the next. But this game actually has challenging thoughts, complicated things, it is trying to get players to consider, and most everyone I see shitting on the game either hasn’t played it or doesn’t seem interested in games that exist for something beyond making them feel good about themselves? I dunno.

I think at the end of the day, TLOU as an entire series, and specifically the sequel, isn’t about Joel and Ellie, that was just the more focused lens the original game had. For its messier, muddier experience, Part 2 strives for nothing more than many pieces of media have but for something that is still rare in the space of AAA video games.

It takes some risks, it makes some missteps in getting where it goes, for sure, and it’s by no means some holy gift to mankid, but it passionately goes to GREAT lengths to explore and express a fairly simple idea: 

empathy is a choice, understanding others is a choice,

and we are all inherently better off when we choose to blindly accept understanding than when we blindly choose hate and violence.

Just because we can’t walk ‘the path of the right,’ and just because ‘we’re wrong’ doesn’t mean we should let the phantoms in our lives continue to keep a hold on our future. Just because someone does some good things doesn’t erase the consequences and ripples of the bad they have done, and just because we do bad things doesn’t mean we can’t do good.

The way to end the cycle of violence is empathy.

It’s simplistic in concept, but if you look around at not just the reception to this game even before people could play it, but just the STATE OF THE WORLD IN 2020, you will see that maybe we still need such basic, simplistic concepts to continue to be explored in big budget media.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #304

“she’s got a hold on me  /  maybe she is just what they want me to be”

How many foreign friends do you have? Only one that I know of that actually immigrated into America in their life. I think. In which countries do they live? She was born in Asia, either China or Japan. What was your dream birthday party as a kid? I either wanted to go to the skating rink or Chuck E. Cheese. Have you ever come up with your own game? As a kid, definitely. Whose hand did you hold last? Probably my niece's or nephew's if they were taking me somewhere. What was the last thing you planted? Habaneros, I think. Do you have a green thumb or are you all thumbs with plants? I don't really try with plants because I'm not interested in the maintenance. What or who was the last thing you gossiped about? Does telling your therapist about another person and what they do to stress you out count? lol Any books on your night stand? Wings of Fire: The Brightest Night. Would you ever consider going vegetarian? I was briefly one, but I had to introduce meat back into my diet because I just hate too many foods needed to keep me healthy without meat. I would love love LOVE to go vegan, but I just can't. When's the last time you helped a senior citizen somehow? Probably holding open a door for someone in a wheelchair. What's the most selfless act you have done? I don't know... Maybe letting my mother use all my Christmas and birthday money (which was a lot) to take care of bills to keep us from being evicted and losing the car. She was going to pay me back, but then cancer happened. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? No. What makes you feel lucky? The fact I have a roof over my head, food on the table, access to water... That kind of stuff. Never take it for granted. How many Lidls are there in your town? One. Last time you went to Ikea, what did you buy? I don't believe we've ever bought anything from there? But I wouldn't really know. How do you like your favorite beverage? Really cold in a can, heeeeell yeah. What's your big family secret? We don't really have one. What did you think you were good at, until you saw someone else do it? I remember thinking I was the "gifted" artist in school until I met my acquaintance Cailin in the 5th grade, lol. She is SO talented. What is something nice going on in your life right now? My partial hospitalization program is going well. I'm getting more comfortable with talking via things like Zoom, it's a good opportunity for me to socialize with like-minded people almost every day, and I ADORE one of the teachers so much so that I want him to be my normal therapist. I have never in the entirety of my life felt less judged and more cared for from any therapist before him, and it's almost supernatural how easily this man reads people. You could twitch a certain way and he picks it up. I'm ready for him to teach more of the sessions. What was the pinnacle of wealth to you as a child? The idea of owning one of those toy crane machines, haha. If I saw one in a store, I would like beeeeg for it. I remember I cried once when I came across one I adored, it was just too expensive, lol. I did eventually get a little one, I think. What's something that you hate, but can't live without? My meds. What skill do you not talk about, because you feel it sounds like bragging? I don't really brag about anything I think I'm good at because I feel bad about it and don't wanna emit a "better than you" vibe. Who's the worst person you've encountered on the Internet? Ahhh, a lovely "friend" nicknamed Shakes. God she hated me. If death wasn't a consequence, what would you try? Probably ride a motorcycle. I'm too scared to risk the possibility of crashing, and those wrecks are nasty. What's the dumbest thing you've heard someone say? There's this one video of a TV show host thinking the moon was a planet and it was just- What is the worst smell you can remember? This smell was forever branded into my memory as if it was fuckin trauma. When my late dog Teddy had a massive, infected cyst near his ~you know~ and also wore diapers because of incontinence with his age (also keep in mind he had a UTI we couldn't afford to fix, and that smells bad enough), changing the diaper he would wear overnight could, swear to God, be enough to make you puke. It literally came to a point that I personally could no longer do it. It sounds so so bad and selfish, and it probably is, but Mom had to do it before she left and came home from work; she's way less fazed by stuff like that than me. Yes, when we had the money, we got the cyst removed. What song gets better the louder it gets? Only like, every song I enjoy. The louder the better until it becomes obnoxious to others. What's the biggest inconvenience that does NOT ruin your day? Having to pee at like an unnatural frequency? haha What's something everybody should know how to do? Cook... which I don't know how to do. What is a great movie no one knows about? I'unno. I don't really know the success level of most movies unless you see stuff about it everywhere. What type of person could the world use less of? Rapists, pedophiles, monsters like that. What makes you tingle? I have this odd reaction to rubbing my hand while someone is holding it???? idk why????? What’s the best Wi-Fi name you’ve seen? Oh MAN, I wish I could remember 'em all. I've seen some goodies. What's easy to learn, but hard to master? God, it's pathetic that my immediate response is related to a video game, haha. Then again it's such a common idea that it's basically a meme in the World of Warcraft community. So, playing hunters in the game. They're argued to be one of the - if not the - easiest classes in the game that requires little to no skill, while as a hunter main, I disagree with the second part firmly. I don't know about the other specializations because I don't play them, but at least in beast mastery, it takes focus and thinking ahead to master your rotation for optimal damage and just to generally be a skilled player of the class. Not to mention you need to watch your pet(s), too. What's something you've changed your opinion on? Wow, LOTS. Tons of political ideas, like my stance on gay rights, transgender folks, etc... If you had a refilling bowl, what would you want it to contain? For some reason my mind immediately jumped to fresh strawberries. I'm picky with the firmness of fruit, so I won't eat them if they're older because ew. If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? I mean this in the least creepy way possible, but Sara's house so we could actually hang out, Dad's house so I could see him more, and then uhhh South Africa to regularly see meerkitties. You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? Oh, I dunno. I've got some for writers of other media, but I guess by "author," you mean this is for books exclusively. If you have caffeine late in the day, does it cause you to struggle with your sleep? Shit, I wouldn't even know because I essentially always have caffeine in my system. I don't believe it affects me. When you struggle to sleep, what do you do instead? Keep trying to sleep, or more common than not, I do exactly what you shouldn't do and get back on the laptop for a while. Who was the last person you spoke to for the first time? How did you come to speak to this person? My most recent therapist in the PHP. I love love love him. The therapists rotate the days they teach, and he was the last one I met. Are there any TV shows from your childhood that you still watch today? I'm not opposed to it if I actually watched television. Do you enjoy buying gifts for other people, or do you never know what to buy them? If I actually have the money to, omg yes. I honestly do think I create or buy very thoughtful gifts, and I just really enjoy reminding other people that I love and think about them. Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? My sisters, Mom, and I went to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday dinner. That place has come to oust Olive Garden as my favorite restaurant, haha. What’s the last thing you watched on TV? Is this a programme you watch regularly? I believe it was this amateur cooking show called Nailed It!, I think it was, with my mom when I sat in the living room with her for dinner one night. Do you have a favorite documentary subject (eg. nature, celebrities, history, crime)? Absolutely animals. Does having to wear a mask stop you from doing anything, just because you dislike them or find them uncomfortable? Do not fucking talk to me if you're anti-mask. If I set foot in public, I'm wearing a mask like a goddamn considerate human being. Do you prefer zip-up or overhead hoodies? Overhead. I really dislike the appearance of zippers on them. If you have a yard or garden, how much time do you spend out there? N/A When was the last time someone bought you flowers? What was the occasion? I think it was the first time Tyler came to my house. This was quite a few years ago. When was the last time you stayed overnight away from home? Was this with friends, family or in a hotel somewhere? What was the occasion? Hell, I'm pretty sure I haven't slept over anywhere since the last time I was visiting Sara, which was like, two years ago. What’s your favorite period to learn about in history? What got you interested in this particular era? The Renaissance; I always found it to be an attractive subject, art being in its "glory days" and all. My Art History course in college really hooked me in. What is the smallest thing you lose your temper over instantly? Homophobic bullshit. What's a job that doesn't get enough respect? As others have said before me, teachers might just top the list. The shit they gotta put up with for so little pay... What did you take for granted until you visited another country? I've never left America, so I wouldn't know. Who is your favorite scientist and why? I don't have a favorite; I don't know nearly enough about any. Do you prefer emoticons or emoji? I'm from the emoticons era, so I'm biased, haha. How did you meet your pet? Roman was the kitten of one of my sister's mother-in-law's females. They have quite a cat problem and wanted to adopt the kittens out, and Mom knew I desperately wanted a cat, so there we go. One day when we were over there, she showed me the kittens, and Roman caught my eye instantly with his beautiful blue eyes. Venus, I "met" via the Morph Market, a reptile hub website for selling, as the name implies, reptiles that are generally morphs of their species. I was clicking through the genes, keeping my price ceiling in mind, and really fell in love with champagnes, and I thought Venus in specific was just absolutely beautiful. I officially met her as a little thing mailed to me, and she was and still is just the sweetest. I wanna point out that when I chose Venus, I hadn't the slightest idea that champagnes harbored "the spider gene," as otherwise I would have avoided adopting her and feeding the market. Regardless, I love her to death and wouldn't trade her out. Did/Do you have any PEZ dispensers? I did as a kiddo, yeah. Do you enjoy erotic stories? If so, do you read them or write them? No; they make me really uncomfortable. When writing RP, some scenes can get sexual, but I have my limits for sure and know when to stop writing and just time-skip. If you had to choose, which one would you rather have: a pet or a baby? Keep the baby away from me. Gimme a plains hognose or tarantula, please. ^Why did you choose the one you chose? I don't want kids at all but would love the mentioned animals as pets. Do you live with your parents or on your own/with a partner? I live with my mother. What's the car of your dreams? I don't have a "dream car." Have you ever witnessed something or someone die? Animals, yes. Has anyone ever told you that you snore or talk in your sleep? I don't snore, but I talk a LOT. Do you have any houseplants? No. Are you more on a laptop or a desktop computer? I only have a laptop, and I prefer them for portability's sake. If you could do absolutely anything, what would you like to do the most? Entirely leave behind my anxiety, probably. Or PTSD. Do you think your parents raised you well? Yeah. Dad didn't really take much part in "raising" us/enforcing rules and stuff, but hey, my sisters and I wound up being good people. Do you have a Facebook? Yeah. Do you know any of your neighbors? Definitely not well. We haven't lived here long at all. Does/did any of your relatives have an interesting, nowadays unusual job? I'm sure somebody does. Have you met your ideal partner yet? I think so. Have you had a serious relationship yet? If so, how many? Yeah, two. Do you enjoy books, magazines or comic books the most? Books. Are your parents old-fashioned or up-to-date about certain things? Dad is more old-fashioned I think, while Mom is pretty up-to-date. Do you or did you at some point keep a diary? I very briefly did on a few occasions. I always had a journal I wrote in during all my hospital stays. Have you ever upcycled trash into useful items? I remember I once followed this craft idea on Animal Planet where you turn a milk jug into a bird house. We never got any birds in it, though. Which color Skittle do you like best? The only right answer is red. What’s your favorite element? Of the classic four, fire. If you had your own radio show, what would it be like? YIKES, I don't want one. Don't make me talk in front of (through a radio or not) people. What has been the biggest surprise you’ve ever gotten? An "impossible" breakup over Facebook Messenger lmaoooo. Is there a holiday you can’t stand at all? There aren't any that I "can't stand," but I do hold at least some degree of dislike of ones bastardized by religion. It's disrespectful as fuck. Who is your favorite person in the whole world? My mom. Has there ever been an activity you became obsessed with? I was definitely obsessed with RPing in my early teens. Like, I ALWAYS wanted to be writing it. What has been the strangest place you ran into someone from your past? I can't think of an occurance. What is something people tend to come to you about? Anything related to English and grammar. If applicable, what's the furthest you've traveled because of a hobby? For purely a hobby, definitely not very far, partially because I can't drive or afford travelling via plane or whatever. Do you have souvenirs from other countries? If so, what and from where? N/A What do you do when someone is talking to you about something you don't care about? Pretend to be interested to avoid being rude. Do you have Photoshop installed on your computer? Yeah. Do you put lotion on after you get out of the shower? No, but I need to. Has anyone ever given you a promise ring? No. Do you have any bruises on you? Yeah, on my shin. When getting in Ash's van the other day, I hit it against the thing that helps you step up into the vehicle. Because of my muscle atrophy, I, and I am not kidding, can barely manage to absolutely yank myself up there. And mind you, her van isn't even very high up at all. My legs are just that damn weak. Any changes in appearance lately? Gaining weight is fucking lovely. Who was the last person to call you babe or baby? Probably a gal friend commenting on a selfie or something on Facebook. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Sometimes. Do you actually care about other's problems? Probably too much for my own good. Have you ever gotten a teddy bear from someone? Besides my mom, I don't think so.

[incarnateirony]

*Sits down at desk*

*calmly files through books in front of a fireplace to classical music* *glances up at the camera* Oh, hello. *demurely pulls off glasses*

What makes a rights movement work? Is it the dialogue? The discourse? The trolling? 

Tonight, I thought I’d tell you a little story and let you decide.

---

...*just looks to Good Omens fandom* So we have... *flips through* An accepted canon queer pairing between two leads, with no rival ships. The singular author has been receptive to queer readings, as has both of the actors, even if one clarified he doesn’t “play it like that.” But by authorial support, vague as it was, it was canon. 

...*flips channel to season 10 supernatural fandom* So here we have an accusation of queerbait between two leads with a similar story, with several major rival ships. Of the multiple authors, several have been supportive, many silent, one actor said he plays it like that, the other clarified he doesn’t.  Antis, often rival-shippers, heckled. Cas was a villain, not a friend.

*Plays through til’ Season 12 - 3 seasons ago - “doesn’t exist”* *1997 popup spam*

... *flips channel to season 13 supernatural fandom* So here we have antis having a panicked discussion about how Dabb could canonize Destiel without any sort of admission or physical engagement for it to be valid, while admitting at the actor that used to say he didn’t play it seems okay with it now, as well as it becoming an official marketing line, which they later denied. They mutually aired at Cas not even being cared for in public, while saying Dean cared more about him than Sam in their own lane. (x) (x) (x) (x) I mean, between them screaming at How Dare They Pander With The 13.05 Ending Being Romantically Shot. But everyone forgot that I guess.

*flips to season 14* Let’s see, genderswap, identical but truncated couple, same landmarks... no rivals... *checks box* cool, everyone sees canon.

...*flips to season 15 fandom* *gestures at the everything, including the storytelling style they described that could be used to be amply canon by time flashbacks and Cas’ death* 

*looks at parts of shipping fandom trying to argue with season 10 anti fandom takes, but simultaneously repeating them*

*looks at season 13 anti fandom*

*files through recently sanitized anti walls that went on their third rage tear about the show being pandered by being romantic, since the current showrunner turn over* *clicks channel* “Destiel is real” - Jensen *menu flip* “Sam has better taste/Dean has no taste--” *clicks next* “domestic dispute--” --Jensen after filming 15.09 *clicks* “Our characters would be fucking [on another network]” --Misha after 15.09 *clicks to major media channel* “Breakup” - TVG *flips through other multiple TVG Destiel ads over to Variety* Relationship-- *flips across to soap opera reporters* 15.03 Dark point in the romance-- *flips to extrafanon, nonprofessional hubs* Hm, apologies for viewing it with a heteronormative lens until now from nonshippers that usually don’t cover the show, while fandom hangs itself on its own hubs in precarious silence or refusal to address the most challenging material. Alright.

*flips to modern marketing* Hm, DeanCas commercials *clicks* Oh right, that official Join The Hunt Destiel shirt that was printed and tagged and receipted like that, that they tried to tantrum offline *clicks* OH right that OTHER Destiel canon pride shirt that Stands just HAPPENED to make this year.

*turns off television* *blinks* *rubs brows*

*tents fingers*

So at some very bizarre point, things have seemed to switch around here.

At one point, Destiel fandom was avid that the romance mattered more than the physicality, even for canonicity. They, themselves, pointed out how homophobic and double-standard it was to demand a kiss when not all hetero couples need them to be valid. But admittedly, back then, the subtext pool was shallow. A veneer placed by a few key authors.

And yet today, while antis scream in waves, their own predictions and fears of how Dabb would handle Destiel coming true, their own “kiss or it doesn’t count” logic (presented only to positive fandom, of course, with the above links of their conversations among themselves where they knew that didn’t matter) seems to have transmitted like a disease rused in representation battles but in the name of arguing with them, of validating them, of giving them any sort of relevance in a show that overtly mocks them and while they riot and fit and convulse and delete and recant opinions, spewing things they don’t even believe anymore (above links.)

it's LITERALLY the same tactics as in Trump politics, where they just flood bullshit they don't even believe to keep people elevating them having any relevance at all in the conversation and distracting them from the actual core conversation/content. Disseminating misinformation and confusion to the conversation. Hell, going so far as to spend months building fake blogs to integrate to the culture and later spread bullshit (which was its own comedy act in the end)

Also the same tactic TAW used to try to inflate completely made up bullshit bad PR about Mish by getting well meaning fans of his floating the conversation by defending him and keeping it in the public eye. ITS THE SAME SHIT.

And yet here we are, with this fandom’s version of alt right dialogue having infected its respective progressive left, with tinhats instead of redhats vaguely yelling about Dabbama and spewing pointless self-defeating nonsense, but at some point -- somehow these fandom MSGAhats managed to successfully implant their ideology in the fandom and convince supporters of Team GreenBlue their active deletion of the content that these antis, themselves, once qualified as terrible potential canons, that are now very real -- that the deletion of this is what makes progressive dialogue.

Their nature is contrarian. Contrarian to TPTB Contrarian to canon Contrarian to other fans Contrarian to themselves

TPTB are already ignoring them. Oh my bad, BLOCKING. Some have gone past muting into BLOCKING them. Canon doesn't care

If fans would stop humoring all fuckin 50 of them they'd only have themselves to be contrarian with.

Humoring them also includes internalizing their hilarious dialogues as anything worth two fucking pennies much less anything to contend with or prove or meet their clown bars of

Oh and while I'm thinking about it: As recently as S13, antis were still trying to pretend it was a reasonable opinion that "Cas isn't family, or friend, Dean doesn't care about him at all, much less Sam" In a year and a half they slid to "THEY'RE ONLY BEST FRIENDS NOT LOVERS!"

Seriously. Now take the absurdism of the S13 scenario Turn your scope into the current scenario Realize how every big publication has been addressing this shit And here we are! The new absurdism is, deadass, denying it. And convincing other fans that they somehow need to prove the flagrantly obvious, just like season 13~ with Cas' importance to the family. Just like any other intentionally daft way they suck up air and kilobits while frothing more than a rabid dog.

It's this weird mewling whimper, already settling down all of their values but desperately, hoping in this giant publicly visible homo tornado that the media itself is commenting on, that somehow, they can convince the GA who can't hear them anyway that it ain't gay. But somehow having convinced the rest of the fandom, now, that a stupid ridiculous-ass viewpoint this fandom used to know better than needing or demanding (rather than wanting or desiring, or encouraging) is needed to "prove" something to a GA that... *turns TV back on and files through the channels* ...Thheyyyyyyyyyy seem to be getting it better than shipping fandom right now, actually.

Stop internalizing horse shit and letting it redirect your activism like a damn political bot.

Unless, I don’t know-- unless you decided, with all of this -- since I did say you could decide -- that this remaining absurdity in the fandom is actually any kind of activism rather than trained demolition of your own content.

Grand as their self-contradictory public facade is, what I wouldn’t pay to be a fly on their GC walls to see their nega-clowning panic right now.

You know that goddamn meme republicans pass around where they or Trump just need to say the dumbest shit possible to make “stupid libs” chase the cat laser? THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT THIS FANDOM HAS LET THESE FUCKING IDIOTS DO TO THEM FOR YEARS TO THE POINT Y’ALL HAVE STARTED ARGUING THE OPPOSITE OF WHERE YOU STARTED.

[themildestofwriters]

Are people really calling John Winchester homophobic? In my house? Ignoring fuckin’ nuance? Oh shut up.

John Winchester wasn’t a perfect father but it was legitimately impossible for him to be, especially with what we know. His wife gets murdered by a demon and he’s stuck with the knowledge that his family, his kids, have a target on his back. Of course he’s gonna go full survivalist, of course he’s gonna drag them along. They’re kids and he knows a monster is hunting them and won’t stop hunting them.

He handled that high stress environment far better than anyone else could’ve. Like Sam said, he could’ve been worse with a little more drinking and a little less demon hunting. He was a better father than you guys let on, he didn’t control his children with fear, and he wasn’t fuckin’ homophobic.

Sure, was he abusive? Emotionally, yes, but not intentionally (and he was never physically abusive. Sam himself states that John was never physically abusive). If you wanna cry about how Dean’s a little traumatised boy, you can shed some tears for John the traumatised single father who juggled keeping his kids safe, making sure his kids could keep themselves safe, dealing with rowdy kids, hunting the monster who’s hunting them (so they can be safe, finally), and saving the lives of countless people so they didn’t have to suffer as he did.

And he didn’t disown Sam for the Stanford thing. When you disown someone, you don’t periodically check up on them to make sure they’re safe and happy. Sam picked Stanford and John came to accept that once he silenced the “Oh shit, my son is alone and vulnerable and potentially in danger,” voice in his head.

He wasn’t a perfect father but he loved his boys to sacrifice his life for them, to make sure they had the tools to survive and save lives. And once all was said and done, he recognized that he fucked up, that he could’ve been better.

Not perfect, but did the best he could in that situation.

Not perfect, but you try and be more put together than him in the same situation.

Not perfect, but also not fucking homophobic you absolute idiots.

Give me proof of his homophobia without going “Uh, well, Dean was sorta implied to be bisexual at the end of the show and that means the writers intended him to be bisexual throughout the show, and like, uh, that means his emotional constipation is due to his homophobic dad forcing him to be a manly man despite the fact that John didn’t want manly kids, he wanted living kids.”

And that’s what it boils down to. John wanted living kids.

You don’t have to like him, but Jesus Christ you can at least not make shit up. 

[thestray]

Movies I watched Feb 8 - Feb 14

So I’m still on a huge kung-fu kick (pun intended) since I was working on a spreadsheet of 100 martial arts movies, which I’ll be posting soon. So all but 2 of the movies I watched this week contained martial arts.

Movies I watched this week behind the cut.

The Prodigal Son

Big fan of Yuen Biao and Sammo Hung and I’ve been meaning to watch this for a long time but just haven’t seen it available anywhere til now, found it on a free streaming channel called TCL on my Roku tv, so I watched it and loved it. My favorite part of this movie is the guy that plays his master Lam Ching-ying, he’s one of those guys that’s ubiquitous in Hong Kong movies but typically in a supporting role. I really thought his performance was really good for what could’ve been (and usually is) a caricature, a lot of the other cares ARE caricatures, intentionally, but Lam Ching-ying plays an effeminate opera troupe leader but he’s nuanced rather than over the top about it. Warning that he is called some homophobic slurs within the movie. Fun movie, great choreography, and a good satisfying story too, will definitely purchase a hard copy of this one.

Martial Arts Master Wong Fei Hung

Found this while looking for more movies featuring Lam Ching-ying, he plays the bad guy in this, a Japanese swordsman bent on defeating dojo masters to prove he’s the best. Chin Ka-lok plays the hero, Wong Fei Hung, who is a Chinese folk hero that has been played by every major Hong Kong action star; Jackie, Jet Li, Donnie Yen, Sammo, Gordon Liu, and so many others. I didn’t know this before but this, Drunken Master, Once Upon a Time in China, Iron Monkey, Rise of the Legend and so many other films are fictionalized stories about Wong Fei Hung in different stages of his life. An interesting thing I’m finding about Chinese culture through film is they treat historical figures really no differently than we treat superheroes. Wong Fei Hung, Ip Man, Huo Yuanjia (portrayed by Jet Li in Fearless among others), and it’s kinda cool and beautiful that after these people have long passed on they have become these epic larger than life characters. Anyway, the movie is cool, has really fun choreography. It kinda ends abruptly, but that’s because it touches on elements of his life that are later explored in other films. Cool movie.

Unlucky Stars

This stars and is directed by Dennis Ruel, on the left, its an independent martial arts film that is on youtube for free, definitely recommend it. The title and the whole film is an homage to 80′s Hong Kong cinema; there’s a “lucky stars” series of films that star Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao and others. If you’re bout that life you’ll catch references, if you’re not it’s still a fun little beat em up. It’s not going to blow you away with it’s cinematography, story or acting, but I thought it was really good for a low budget affair of essentially a bunch of stunt performers getting together to make a movie together. Had some good laughs, fights and stunts are great, I hope these guys get an opportunity to keep doing bigger and better stuff.

Undisputed 2

I’ve known about the Undisputed films for a long time and was never too in a rush to watch them, decided to rent the movies on Prime and was not disappointed. When you watch a lot of East Asian action films the choreography in American films, especially straight to video stuff like this, can seem a little slow and boring, but that wasn’t the case with this at all. The fights are fun, the characters are fun, and Scott Adkins kills it. Oh, and by the way Undisputed 1 features Ving Rhames, and I don’t remember else, I saw it eons ago, I don’t think it has any connection to these films other than the concept of fighting in prison.

Undisputed 3

It was such a smart move to turn the franchise’s focus to the villain of the previous film. Boyka has a real Vegeta story arc in these movies, and his super athletic style is just fun to watch. The highlight of this movie to me is when he faces off against a capoeira expert and they’re both just flipping around during the fight. I think this movie is my favorite of the Undisputed series, it has a satisfying end.

Triad Wars

This is a mob movie with Sammo as the boss and Wu-Jing, pictured above as his enforcer. It’s more of a crime movie than an action movie, but the action scenes are crazy, it’s like if you’re watching the Departed than all of a sudden someone starts flipping around and cutting off everybody’s arms. There are some brutal kills in this. I honestly don’t know if I was following the story that well, the weird thing about movies where different crime factions go to war is it’s like... these people are all evil, and we watch them do fucked up shit, and they all have the same motivation; money, so it’s like I’m not really emotionally invested in what happens, I’m just here to enjoy a guy in all white landing on top of  car and then proceeding to kill everyone with a sword.

Fighter in the Wind

I had been looking for this movie for a while but forgot what it was called, and it’s hard to search for martial arts movies because what are you going to search “the movie where a guy fights a lot of people”? Anyway I finally found it and it’s a cool movie, another film that’s based on a true historical figure, I don’t know how faithful this movie is but it was enjoyable. This coward who is always being humiliated in fights decides to train himself to become stronger and then challenges every dojo owner in Japan to a fight. It’s a karate movie, so the choreography is not as flash as kung-fu films, and he essentially wins his fights not because he has better technique but because he can take more punishment and hit harder. SIde note: THe lead actor looks so much like Stephen Chow it was distracting.

Judas and the Black Messiah

The hype is real. This was a good ass movie. The performances are all perfect. I knew that Fred Hampton was assassinated, but to see the whole story and how it went down and to get to know him really gave you the full impact of just how fucked up it was on so many levels. 

Undisputed 4

Back to Undisputed! Boyka’s back baby! Cool movie, and furthers his character development. I still think I like the previous movie a little better but this was fun too.

Brigsby Bear

Kyle Mooney is the current best member of SNL, he wrote this film and it’s funny and weird and endearing. I guess after watching people fight in prison, the true story of a black radical being assassinated by the government, and countless people dismembered and impaled, I wanted to watch something a little more lighthearted and fun. Kyle Mooney is an awkward manchild who wants to recreate a show he grew up with. I don’t want to say anymore than that, but I enjoyed it.

A Kid From Tibet

Yuen Biao with some Golden Child style mystical action adventure. It’s not mind-blowing in terms of action, but I liked this, it has some precursor to Naruto type stuff in it, doing hand jutsus to initiate powers and stuff like that. My favorite thing about the movie is the main henchwoman played by Nina Li Chi, who I’m not retroactively deciding is one of 80′s crushes. I actually went ahead and bought this on DVD just because it’s such an obscure movie I wanted to have it my physical collection.

Nina Li Chi 

That’s all for this week!

[zankivich]

What’s your full in depth opinion on cancel cukture

wow I still can’t believe y’all care what my dumbass has to say. That’s wild to me. Here’s what I will say. I have seen cancel culture at it’s best (see Rachael Dozel or however the hell you spell her name - not worthy of googling) and I have also seen it at its worst (see Johnny Depp and what we now understand to be a problematic canceling of a man who was being abused and was not only ignored, but framed to be the abuser himself). Cancel culture can be tricky. It can be petty. It can be wrong. But I do think there are two sides to this coin. There is a sector of cancel culture that is led predominantly by people who whole dominant identities (be it white, cis, straight, etc.) mostly on twitter. This is your #demilovatoiscanceled hashtags that seem to just randomly come and go from nowhere. This to me is the cancel culture that must be deeply criticized, because the intent of these mini movements is never justice for the marginalized, is never true revelation of deeply problematic tendencies, and even when genuinely problematic things are revealed within these movements, the why is never of good intentions. These people are not trying to cancel people because they genuinely care about racism or homophobia or police brutality. We often can figure this out by the other people they follow or stan who are also racist, homophobic, cop apologizers etc. Instead it seems to be from a social media fueled - be the first to put the information out, group mentality, group speak bullshit that we see a lot today. This to me deserves to be criticized because of what I mentioned previously, that it does not truly and intentionally uplift those most affected which is the entire point of any liberation movement. But let’s also look at the other side of the coin. 

The other side of the coin is black people who witness famous, owning class, white people who get richer and richer while diminishing the worth and value of black bodies. (see Camila Cabello, not owning class but wishes she was). The other side is queer people watching famous people get deals for rainbow theme capitalistic bullshit while you can go back in their twitter and find the use of f*g or terf shit, or just other homophobia in general. To tell these groups--who are already on the outskirts of society(in someways, we can get into an intersectional approach here, but I don’t think that’s what you’re really asking about)--that they don’t get to rally behind them NOT getting to further excel off the backs of their oppression is wild to me. I remember even Obama sitting up there and saying that cancel culture is wack, and you have to allow people to grow and while I understand what he’s saying...people do grow and learn and blah blah blah...we should never ask that those who have been victimized and brutalized by an incredibly problematic culture should simply meet their oppressor in the middle and allow them time to educate themselves. That to me is some oldschool turn the other cheek bullshit that I won’t stand for. 

I think you have to allow people to draw their lines. You have to give people space to say what matters to them, and to determine that if someone has stepped over that line and hurt them then they have every right to “cancel” them. These lines can be fluid. I can say that today any person who supports police brutality is over my line and I can’t fuck with them. There is a possibility for that line to change. I don’t see that line changing in my natural black ass life, but it is a possibility. and I deserve that right. I deserve people to respect that line just like they deserve for me to respect their’s. This is why when people say, I don’t fuck Justin for saying the N-word, or I don’t fucking with Shawn because he’s attached at the tongue to a racist, I say “okay sis.” Cause that’s their fucking line and they are entitled to it. To me cancel culture should exist and I think there’s a way to go about it. If Gucci loses a few million because they wanna make a black face sweater, or so-so doesn’t get that deal with Olay because we found out they hate trans people then so fucking be it. Be flexible, be willing to have conversations, but don’t allow people to steamroll you because of what they think, or because they’re not offended. That simply doesn’t make sense to me.  I hope this was helpful! I really enjoyed thinking about this one tbh. Have a wonderful day. 

[lunapaper]

(Photo Credit: Natalie Piserchio)

So there I was a few weeks ago, ready to write a review of Sad13’s new video for ‘Hysterical’... 

And then I read about the inspiration behind the track:

‘I think there were three comedians in really short proximity last year who made some kind of claim that comedy isn’t funny anymore and they can’t work in it because “PC culture” and “cancel culture” have made things unfunny. I think one was Todd Phillips in promoting Joker, he was like, I won’t do comedy because the feminists have destroyed it [laughs]. This was around the time that Hari Kondabolu — who did The Problem With Apu — was getting death threats again because they finally decided to relent on that character in The Simpsons.  

‘It’s just a common refrain that, to me, is ironic. I never had a big interest in comedy growing up because it was always not for me. It was intentionally shutting women out or making them the butt of jokes that just weren’t good. As comedy has become more inclusive, I’m actually interested in it now and was able to get some of my favorite people in comedy to be in this music video.’

Now, I love Sad13 and Speedy Ortiz. I consider Major Arcana one of my favourite albums. I appreciate all the good work she does for charity, and her latest solo record, Haunted Painting, is filled with scuzzy synthpop gems. But as a snarky, cynical bitch who’s always loved comedy, I have mixed feelings about Sadie’s statement.

I’ve never hid the fact that my own sense of humour can be dark, filthy and twisted. I grew up with such ‘problematic’ fare as South Park, Chapelle’s Show, Drawn Together and American Dad, and although I had female friends, my immediate family is mostly made up of boys. I’ve - thankfully - never felt intentionally shut out of comedy, and if I was I’d still be trying to force my way in, no matter what. Hell, there are episodes of King of the Hill I still enjoy that would probably make a Zoomer blush (That said, the Season 12 episode, ‘Tears of an Inflatable Clown’ should be required viewing).  

I can’t help but find Sadie’s view of comedy rather vague and simplistic. Also, Todd Phillips never said ‘feminists’ ruined comedy, so that’s just plain misleading. Here’s what he actually said: 

‘Go try to be funny nowadays with this woke culture […] There were articles written about why comedies don’t work anymore—I’ll tell you why, because all the fucking funny guys are like, ‘Fuck this shit, because I don’t want to offend you.’ It’s hard to argue with 30 million people on Twitter. You just can’t do it, right? So you just go, ‘I’m out.’ I’m out, and you know what? With all my comedies—I think that what comedies in general all have in common—is they’re irreverent. So I go, ‘How do I do something irreverent, but fuck comedy? Oh I know, let’s take the comic book movie universe and turn it on its head with this.’ And so that’s really where that came from.’ 

We should be able to condemn racist, sexist, homophobic or transphobic behaviour without having to strip away the essence of comedy itself. If executed well, it - like a lot of satire and parody - can be very funny. It’s more than just doing something to be edgy or for shock value, which is just cheap and lazy.   

But the problem nowadays – on Twitter, on Instagram, on any site with a comment section, really – is that there’s no room for nuance or context. We seem to thrive on twisting each other's words and being deliberately obtuse. Everything is so black and white. You’re either with us or against us; there is no in between. And because of this, meaningful criticism ends up being dismissed.

It’s frustrating that we’ve come to a point where most of us feel like we’re walking on eggshells trying not to offend. But it seems like such an impossible task nowadays, like walking a tightrope with a bunch of sharks waiting for you at the bottom should you fall (and you will eventually fall). It’s even more impossible trying to impose a set of criteria on comedy, or on any artform.

If we remove anything that could be potentially ‘offensive’ from comedy, then we’re only left with... what, episodes of Degrassi? Turning every stand-up routine and sitcom script into a Very Special Episode, just moralising or pandering to the viewers, or – God forbid – be stuck with shitty Jimmy Fallon sketches and Carpool Karaoke? Life is so brutal and soul-crushing at the moment, we need comedy more than ever to cope.

Humour, even of the offensive variety, is usually born from a place of pain. It can help us navigate through grief and unleash our anger. It can help us form bonds. It can hold a mirror up to ourselves. Comedy, at times, should make us uncomfortable. There’s a big difference between making a tasteless joke and being a dick, and I think most people can grasp that (at least I hope they can).  

Face it, the best jokes are usually taboo or absurd or just all-out inappropriate, even if we don’t want to admit it. What we laugh about online is gonna be a lot different to what we laugh about in private with friends. But because we laugh doesn’t mean we endorse it, either. And that’s why it’s so important to keep perspective.

Sadie’s comments also bother me because they subtly perpetuate yet another stereotype – that ‘offensive comedy’ is primarily the domain of men.  

Men have a higher tolerance for dirty jokes and innuendo, while women wilt at the mere thought. Women can only be vulgar within approved boundaries and only in a way that’s ‘empowering,’ because everything we do has to be goddamn ‘empowering’ somehow, which just feels patronising. Only guys get to relax and shoot the shit. Women don’t watch shows like South Park or Chappelle’s Show or American Dad, and if they do, well then, they’re not ‘true’ feminists or just ‘cool girls’ trying to score brownie points with the boys. Usually, it’s upper-middle class progressives and certain male feminists of Twitter who seemingly dictate these rules, at least in my experience.

Do some people use comedy as a way to confirm their biases? Of course. But it didn’t make them bigoted; they were already bigoted in the first place.  

Laughing at an offensive joke isn’t going to make me support refugees or multiculturalism or LGBT+ or women’s rights any less. It’s not going to make me stop calling out racism or xenophobia, or stop me from demanding action on climate change or gun control.  

I’m tired of some people trying to suggest that my sense of humour is somehow tied to my morality, that I must have *internalised misogyny* or I’m being contrarian, or that it must mean I’m a cruel and nasty person. I don’t go out of my way to say hurtful things to others. Sometimes a joke is just a joke, not a true reflection of my thoughts or feelings.

Sadie can have whatever taste in comedy she likes, but it’s not fair, in my opinion, to paint it with such an incredibly broad brush...

[spineofdeathwing]

A Post I should Have Made A Long Time Ago

Hello Spine and anyone who may be reading this at the moment. My name is Jerry, but most people know me as Gallowsfall. I am also well known - regrettably - for who I used to be: Burzgrim Blacksnarl/Gulghash back when I was associated with a group of habitual trolls/nazi shitlords in two guilds ran by the ringleader, Grom/Obombration/Scorching/Mooncakes/whatever he goes by now - and YES we are two completely different people. These guilds were called <Demagogue> and <Clergy of the Great One>, they were a small group of nationalists/fascists/trolls that enjoyed causing great amounts of harm and turmoil in the WoW RP community. I fully accept and HATE who I was at this time and all the fucking AWFUL things I did to so many people that I’ll never really remember or be able to properly apologize to or make it right again. Some of you I have met, we have reconciled and moved on. Some of you that I have met did not find comfort or reconciliation in confronting me or hearing my apologies - often because of the fact I can’t remember anything from those times beyond vague outlines of things I did but never to WHO and I’m sincerely sorry I cannot remember you to properly personalize a heartfelt apology to you beyond what I will say in this most likely very long post. I am sorry, from the deepest reaches of my heart, I am so fucking sorry. I now know the fullest extent of the horrible grief and fear I cultivated in all of you during those two to two and a half years I was lost and letting shitty people shepherd me down the entirely wrong path. I AM NOT TRYING TO EXCUSE MY BEHAVIOR OR SAY I DID NOTHING WRONG. I fucked up on a level no one should ever, EVER go to and every day since I’ve truly found myself I have HATED myself for it, I have PUNISHED myself for it. I have fucking WEPT in frustration and shame on a regular basis for having taken so long to figure out what I was doing to people and what I was doing to MYSELF. If I could go back and change everything and never have become that person, never had let that horrible fucking person manipulate me into thinking he and his cronies actually gave a shit about me - I would in an instant. I would give anything, even my own LIFE to try and take all of that hurt that I sowed into the world back… but I can’t. No one can. I can do everything in my power to try and put positivity and good vibes out into the world to try and make up for what I’ve done, but it doesn’t change and it doesn’t excuse and it doesn’t remove what I’ve done. I never expected it to, I have never expected to just magically be accepted by the entire community with open arms. The only thing I ever asked for was just a CHANCE. I wanted a chance to just let me be a part of the community again and prove I’d changed and to never stop trying to improve myself and help the community I once actively destroyed. But that was inherently wrong of me to want/think as well - not everyone is comfortable or willing to give me that chance and that is FINE, I accept that. My mother always told me, “Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay.” You have a right to feel angry, and I am sorry that I was the one who put that seed of anger, of hate into your heart from my abuse. I am sorry, I can never properly put into writing how sorry I truly am - but I hope this can at least give some kind of inkling of how sorry I truly am. But that’s not all I have to say here, and some of you will probably roll your eyes at what’s to come and sneer… but it needs to be said, and not just for me but anyone who’s been in my shoes and HAS GENUINELY MADE AN EFFORT TO BE A BETTER PERSON. If they have just made a half-assed apology post on twitter or here on spine, then continued the very next second to spew bullshit and hurt people - don’t you DARE try to have the audacity to compare them (or yourself if you the reader are one of these kinds of people) to me or others like me who are desperately trying to atone for the sins they’ve committed against their fellow human beings - not even just as roleplayers - to move past the oppressive shadows of their past. It can never go away, of course - it’ll always nip at my heels now and then... but I’d rather it be that than a darkened storm hanging over my head 24/7 until the day I die. It’s why I’m also here to make this statement that will no doubt incite more rage at me, but you know what? I’ll gladly take that abuse because I will stand up for others when others are too afraid to do so for fear of witch-hunts. It is absolutely toxic and abusive behavior to single out people anywhere and everywhere they go refusing to let them live down things they don’t do anymore - if they’re still doing bad things then only bring up those things that they are STILL DOING. It is absolutely toxic and abusive behavior to punish FREELANCE ARTISTS who are just trying to make ends meet for taking commissions from people who are “problematic”. If you do this kind of thing, YOU are in fact a piece of shit, and are effectively punishing an innocent person - taking away their LIVELIHOOD/INCOME in order to push your own subjectivity. This is absolutely unacceptable, and everyone should unanimously agree with this, no matter if it’s me saying it or some random person who isn’t taboo! I have lost friends, I have lost access to fantastic artists I LOVED to support with what little money I can come by due to this abhorrent practice and I gotta say it’s extremely fucking disgusting - especially when you consider that this behavior comes from people who CLAIM to support each other and support the working class/freelancers. Congratulations what you did is called censorship, and that’s a tool of the communist and nazi parties! THE MORE YOU KNOW~* Another thing I want to address is the very real fact that there ARE groups of very popular RPers/Artists who seem to be the unspoken kingpins of this community and if they decide one day that you’re no longer useful to them/become a liability for them to associate with - they will offer you up as the latest scapegoat for them to rile up the masses and send them after you with torches and pitchforks… ESPECIALLY if you so much as DARE to call THEM out for their own shitty behavior or business practices. Anyway, as no doubt many of our parents or parental figures have instructed us throughout our lives: “TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT.” “IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.” “ANYONE WHO WILL GOSSIP TO YOU, WILL GOSSIP ABOUT YOU.” I am not trying to say “Oh, I am holier than thou! Truly I am but a poor victim!” No, I am just as guilty as anyone reading this of doing these things but every day I try to consciously remind myself more and more not to do them, that THEY DON'T HELP ANYONE - THEY MERELY CAUSE MORE PROBLEMS AND MORE PAIN. In conclusion, I would like to make it abundantly clear that I am completely and utterly, emphatically, sorry for anything I have ever done to hurt anyone - whether intentionally or unintentionally due to my own traumas and mental disabilities. I don’t WANT to hurt people anymore, any time I learn I am hurting someone I immediately want to do nothing but hurt myself and hate myself. But I’m not looking for pity, I’m looking for some reconciliation and the right to be apart of this community even if it’s just so much as being able to play the game and not have people whisper hurtful shit to me or post inciteful and extremely upsetting things about me on anonymous pages or even right out in the open. 

I AM NOT A NAZI. I AM NOT A RACIST. I AM NOT A HOMOPHOBE. I AM NOT A TRANSPHOBE. I AM NOT A BIGOT OF ANY KIND.

I am just one broken and maladjusted man trying to make things right and move on with his life - to try and heal, but I can’t do that with people lying about me or just constantly bringing up my past to me and everyone around me, this is only re-traumatizing me and anyone else that past involves. You’re not helping anything or anyone, you’re just making more problems and hurting more people and the cycle begins again. I shouldn't have to say this, some probably won't care or believe it but: While I was with those groups, I was constantly called a "Sp*rg" or "R****ded" I was ridiculed and bullied for liking anime or furry shit. These people ruthlessly bullied me and tore me down and apart everyday to maintain their influence over me. Some of you might say, "Why did you even stick around, why didn't you leave?" I was trapped, by own fear of being alone and my great flaw of needing/desiring validation from someone anyone - even if it was these shitty fucking people. Anyway, thank you for your time if you have bothered to even read this entire thing, I know some won't and that's okay. To those who do, whatever your opinion may be of me afterwards is completely and totally valid and fair - whether it be negative, positive, or indifferent.

-Gallows

[stillaswifty-archive]

Real life shipping discourse and Taylor Swift

Theres apparently discourse going on on tumblr rn about real person shipping. I figured I'd add my 2 cents since.....well this is absolutely not a shipping blog, but I do blog about a real person, and a lot of swifties have brought up kaylors in this debate.

(Disclaimer: I do believe in kaylor, and occasionally reblog some stuff about them, but pretty much only things taylor does/says. K*rlie has made it clear she plans on staying in the closet for now, and I respect that. I also think her """husband""" is an evil crook, so I dont feel like giving her pr while shes doing this. If kaylor broke up, then I am absolutely no longer a k*rlie fan. Anyone who would marry into that family for real, I could never support. But personally, I dont believe she has much of a choice now because of past choices. Anyway that's my current feelings on them. On to gaylor)

I absolutely agree with a lot of what's being said. A lot of fans of different pairings have really gone over the top and genuinely hurt people they say they love. That's absolutely inappropriate. I also find any explicitly sexual (nudity or sexual acts other than kissing) fan art/fanfiction/serious speculation about real people's sex lives to be absolutely gross and appalling. I know there are people who think Taylor is bi/gay and/or believe in kaylor that engage in those activities, and I do not support or engage with them. That is absolutely invasive and inappropriate. Anyone who does that about Taylor and joe is just as invasive and inappropriate. We do not have the right to that part of her life.

However, speculation not only doesnt do any harm, but has been encouraged by taylor. She has never explicitly said shes straight. She has never said that people that think she is bi or gay are wrong. She could immediately shut down theories and rumors and she doesnt. She encourages it. Now you can argue that she does that because she wants people to know shes not straight OR you can argue she is straight and just knows that theres nothing wrong with being gay and it makes her money. I think the second is stupid, but whatever, I'll give you that as a slight possibility. But regardless, she has done nothing but encourage speculation about her sexuality.

There is nothing wrong with being gay. There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. Speculating/theorizing people may be lgbt is NOT wrong. It's actually an entrenched part of our community and culture. And a lot of antis ignore/misunderstand that fact. Some people are genuinely closeted and dont want speculation. Those people shut down rumors and avoid any links to the community. I dont blame them, and I don't bother them. I may be able to clearly tell they're gay, but they dont want anyone to know. Taylor has never explicitly done this. In the past, yes, she has distanced herself more. Shes clearly only now actually in the coming out process. But she left enough hints, and shes explicitly said she leaves hints, to know that she never wanted to be 100% in the closet. If she did, she would've denied this shit many times in the past. And she never has.

I dont care that much about straight people having gay rumors. Theres nothing wrong with being gay, and if it bothers them, they're not good people. OBVIOUSLY, sexual stuff about them (gay or straight) is fucked up. But just saying they might be gay or bi? That's not bad, because it's not bad to be those things.

Stop attacking lgbt people online because some gross perverts write sexual things about celebrities. Sometimes the same people may do both, but not everyone does. and simply engaging in the cultural activity of interpreting gay signaling and having gaydar, doesnt make you a bad person.

What does make you a bad person (or at least an ignorant one) is finding any excuse to deny someone might not be straight, just because they havent said the words point blank. No one should have to do that, because no one should have to come out. If they align themselves with the community, repeatedly mention having girlfriends or reject gendered terms, literally use female pronouns in a romantic sense, and constantly drape themselves in pride flags, it is HOMOPHOBIC to throw them back in the closet, slam the door, lock it, and claim you're trying to keep them safe. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING LGBT. Regardless of whether taylor is really bi, if you think there is zero to slim chance she is, YOURE A BIPHOBE. And if you are a huge fan who follows her closely and you think there isnt a STRONG chance shes bi, YOURE A BIPHOBE. Ignoring soft come outs is at the very least painfully ignorant and accidentally homophobic, and at worst intentionally and viciously homophobic.

And that's that on that.

[cakeandcrows]

I remember this one time I was watching some documentary about a white actress, I can’t recall who. One of her first roles was something like... a German lesbian with some kind of drug addiction (I think cocaine?). Point is, in her interview segment about it, she said something like, “When my mother heard about the role, she said, ‘if I were you, I would have told the director to pick just one of those things, not all of them at once.’” And all I can think about is how like... so many of us on here are more than one kind of minority or ‘invisible’ identity, or neurodivergent, or in some level of recovery from one thing or another. 

Like, this isn’t huge news, y’know? Yeah, privilege is a thing. And people are so absolutely unaware of it when they have it that it makes me want to scream. I’m even unaware of my own privilege a lot of the time and I won’t go into a moment of how I feel when I realize I’ve forgotten, because my guilt on the matter is irrelevant. I just need to get better at keeping myself in check and that’s that. 

Yeah I’d love to be cis some days because of how much easier it would make my life (and honestly for not many other reasons, I’m pretty happy being trans... if it just... y’know, weren’t for how people react to it). Sometimes I think, “Man, straight people are fucking insane; how on earth do they function,” while looking back on the days when I thought I was straight and realizing that even back then I was lost as hell, but some days I’m just like, “If I were straight, would life really be so much easier?” And it would. It really would. If I were also cis at the same time. Etc. 

And I don’t want to make this into an us vs them sort of thing for even a minute, either, because everyone has common ground somewhere. Does that common ground always matter as much to one person as it does to another? Probably not. Jeff Be/os probably shares a home town with a fuck ton of people but I’ll bet he doesn’t give a shit about a single one of them, or that commonality, while you could see a popular rock band and never hear them shut up about how proud they are to be from the West Coast. Sometimes it just doesn’t fucking matter to other people what you have in common with them, because to them, what’s different is so much more volatile. And it goes both ways. 

There’s people from my home town, my graduating class, and even old friend groups that I could never see myself talking to again because of how we’ve split paths in beliefs and lifestyles. Or, maybe they’ve stayed the same and I’ve changed, or the opposite... and I’ll bet they’d see how I’ve changed and think the same things of me. “Wow, I want nothing to do with that person.” 

I’m just... constantly having little wake-up calls over and over again of how some people seriously think that I’d choose a harder life on purpose. And I’m not ashamed of living as I am; I’m very proud of who I am and what I’ve overcome to get here. 

Customers at work, where I feel like I live 2/3rds of my life these days, are always just like... a window into the world for me sometimes. Most people don’t mention my pronoun button. Some people don’t notice it outright and misgender me because they’re looking at my face; entirely being polite and engaged, and not at all aware of how they’re upsetting me. I let it go a lot of the time. It’s not worth it.

There’s the few good folks who listen carefully and patiently and are seemingly brought to a new awareness by my gentle explanations. They’re polite and they honestly revive part of my faith. Like the guy who opened his coffee order saying, “yes, miss,” and left the store tipping his hat to me saying, “thank you very much, sir.” God or whoever does things fucking bless that guy.

Then there’s the people who decide to look at my pin, and ask about it. So far, it’s either people who are just reading it aloud for the sake of it, and then becoming confused but not actually wanting to understand so much as they’re just desperate to make some kind of conversation with a Youth (which is wild because I’m 25??). They don’t actually care, so I don’t really put effort into explaining. They either cut me off mid-explanation, or listen and don’t say anything further. 

Then there’s the people who look at it and laugh at me. Or the woman who decided it was a good idea to read it, listen to my explanation, and say, “You know, my daughter tried to explain that to me. I just don’t get it. I think it’s silly and too complicated. People should just stick to the old ways.” Like... lady. What the fuck do you want me to do about it. Why the fuck do you think telling me this will make me happy or even... want to engage further. I straight up just don’t understand where these people get off. They’re just as rude and uninterested in me as a human being as the people who start rattling off their order and refuse to wait for me to get it all down before shoving their credit card at my face. They do not care. They do. Not. Care. And my patience is starting to wear extremely thin. 

I had a new coworker, who knows I’m trans, the other day stop mid-sentence to say, “Oh, you know, sister? Oh! Also, I call everyone ‘sis’, boys or girls.” “Not me, you don’t.” “...oh?” “You don’t call me that. Ever.” 

“ >:/ tch. Glad we got that out of the way.”

It’s not cute. I don’t think it’s endearing. I don’t think it’s funny. And I don’t give a shit if you call other people that. If you thought about it for five seconds you’d realize how insensitive and fucked up it is. If anyone, anywhere, I swear to god, just thought about ANYTHING for five fucking seconds... I wish... I hope, that they’d be better human beings than they are. 

Like, god, what a horrible inconvenience it is for you to have to stop and think about what to call another human being. To use their name. To use the right pronouns. To avoid nicknames or pet names that would be inappropriate for such a person. Heaven forbid you have to do that for anyone, right? Why am I different? Why are you trying to step on my toes and see if I’ll just sit here and take it? I know why. Everyone knows why. And I’m so sick of being the dog under the table who gets kicked every time it whines about having no escape or being surrounded by the feet of people sitting around the table. 

I don’t hate being trans. I don’t hate being pansexual. I don’t hate being poly. I don’t hate myself. I hate the people who hate me for being myself and intentionally or ignorantly go out of their way to make my life an extra level of hell Just Because They Can. , 

I have been bullied and abused all my fucking life by one kind of person or another and not a single excuse I’ve been given justifies it. Humans are better than this. I want to have faith in humans. And there are good humans; I surround myself with them. But if I have to pry yet another motherfucker’s eyes open to yet another goddamn social issue they were too thick-minded to notice, and then have them turn around and bless me and hail me for some kind of... Joan of Arc bullshit, calling my suffering and my existence some kind of blessing, like my life had to be this hard to spread words and messages across time and space to reach their Oh So Important Ears, I’m gonna choke. Or... even the people who mean well that just straight up make me think that they actually believe that the queer people in their lives are some sort of Manic Pixie Dream (gender) who’s come into their lives to teach them something new and advance their own character development. That’s what it fucking feels like! Being reduced to someone else’s educator and being placed as a Background Character in their own fucking Growth Arc. 

If there’s some sick destiny where I’m lined up to be some kind of flogged messenger to idiots for the rest of my life I want a motherfucking refund. Ship me off to the next incarnation. I don’t care if I come back as a ladybug for two days and die under somebody’s shoe. 

And I’m not somebody’s teacher. I’m not somebody’s martyr or savior. I’m not somebody’s free fucking Queer Almanac and Seasonal Guide to the Experiences of Not Their Own. I’m so fucking tired of explaining myself. 

I’m so fucking tired of People ™ But I also want to have so much faith in People ™ that I think I’m just setting myself up for disappointment. 

Sometimes people prove me wrong and it’s okay. Other times I write a several paragraph long rant at one in the morning. Fuck me honestly, just, fuck me and boy howdy do I wish I could pluck one or two things off my list of identities if only for the sake of not having to Explain Shit To People ™

And at the same time, I very clearly care about people. I want people to understand because fuck, I was there! I used to be some Jacked Levels of Crazy and I was hugely homophobic when i was a teenager. I look back on the way I used to be and I can’t feel proud of who I was and what I believed. I know a lot of it was internalized hatred and disgust. I know all of that shit now. But I see myself in some people and that’s the mistake I make sometimes. Most of the time, I’m fine; I help other folks learn something new and it’s good and I feel fine about it. I just hate feeling like other people assume it’s my motherfucking duty to tell them and speak on behalf of all non-cis, non-straight people everywhere. I sound like a goddamn Gender and Women’s Studies textbook. 

Fuck, I’m going to bed...