#but like there’s a lot of stuff that I haven’t decided purely just cuz idk where the other person would take it

[askdoeleaf]

It’s funky cuz I do actually have some lore for demons in doeleafs bg and I know that it could be cool incorporated into others backstories but I don’t wanna SPOIL the werid demon shit doeleaf has going on ALAS -Ryder

[bittybattybunny]

I hope your not feeling down on your writing skills because I haven't caught up and commented on your latest releases. It's not you it's that I pick too many fanfics to follow and they all update a lot and I've been so busy and I've fallen behind on so many fics from various authors and sometimes my depression just makes me want to lie in bed all day doing nothing and it doesn't help I have to spend my limited spoons helping family everyday. I know these aren't good excuses, but I do sympathize with the lack of energy feeling at least. But your work really does bring a lot of joy to my life. It's so fun keeping up with your various AUs, and your latest one that features Kaya as Spider King has me really hyped because I want to learn more about Kaya, she's so fun! And Ruclipse is such a good comfort ship that just hits all the things I like seeing in a ship. You're so amazing and creative and it's awful that anyone would try to make you feel otherwise! Like your newest OC, Justin Tyme seems like such a lovable dumbass bastard. I love his wild, curly hair and his dapper outfit. I can't wait to see what dumb shit he gets himself into! I know this is really long and rambly, but I hope you know you have fans who genuinely love your work. I don't know if you're still thinking about that one comment you mentioned that got you really down, but honestly, fuck that guy. I don't know what they said but it must have been pure BS to have you doubting your hard earned art skills. I wish I could do more to prove you're awesome and that your fans really admire you, I just hope you don't stop sharing what you love because some rando was nasty for no good reason. Because we love what you do!

It's not like anyone one person nonny so please don't blame yourself. This has been an ongoing thing for a few months actually...

it's just a general thing over all lately like. I mentioned this in dm's with a friend but overall past few months I've had lower engagement overall with my works and it really does a number on my confidence. More so because like your latter point.

yes, I am still very much thinking about that one negative comment. Because that person also has the need to comment on other things and I even had a thing asking why I took a few weeks to update (when reality I posted to another ongoing fic and my TLC chapters are long chapters) and just the fact they could tear into a character (yes it was a comment on a character specifically and not even a main character it's a side character who has an important role for Snatcher's growth as a person down the line) then go saying "why didn't you update" when I posted a double update that week---

Like it lives in my head rent free and I want to literally cry because like the character is a focal in an upcoming chapter and I can't deal with another "why are they back" type thing. because "everyone finds them annoying"

And I'll be honest. it was Kaya. Like I've been trying to have fun with my BCU stuff with her as Spiderking because it's engaging for me and me and @/doodleimprovement even came up with a b-plot involving Kaya and Hattie trying to hook Nell and Marcus together and it's one of the best things as well as Kaya and Nell having a really good relationship.

but because of that one comment it makes me hesitant to do anything with Kaya despite she's one of my oldest ocs, my most thought out ocs and I adore her beyond anything. Like yes she's over powered and such and in TLC rn she comes off as a know it all, but upcoming chapters will show she's just a spacey kid who's trying to fit into a role others decided for her and isn't really as all mighty as she seems. Snatcher even ends up thinking of her as a little sister more than anything. Like fuck I'm even hesitant to share anything on her actual story despite how much work is in it. Like she's my favorite Oc (that's why shes my discord icon, and I'm pretty sure she's my twitter icon as well)

And like the points in the comment just. IDK they didn't fit to her, if anything the points are more suited to be shot at Eclipse.

Which is another thing I just get iffy on. I love RuClipse and everything with it. I love writing and drawing the dorks. But I'm now so afraid if Kaya could be attacked for only showing in a handful of chapters that don't even touch on who she is, when is someone going to finally tell me off on my wolf? who's going to tear into a character I pour a lot of personal shit into to try and comfort myself?

I use Ruclipse to deal with my own romantic heart, they are what I wish I could have so I love to write them, I hurt them but i like to make them happy in the end. Someone who can deal with your highs and lows. No ones perfect but you can still figure it out and love even the negative parts (I am a heavy romantic OTL)

he is in fact a lovable bastard. i have fun plans and he gives me an excuse for why Cel is so tired and having to be the brain cell and how she even wound up working with the time kids when she's so much older than they are. Currently I'm trying to think of how to use him and honestly I think he's gonna wind up hella comic relief fun guy who's just making a mess and do his own side story while Hat and Bow are busy in subcon----

thank you, I don't mind the rambly it kinda gave me a chance to get this off my chest... like I've typed this kinda response up time and time again and I always delete. I feel like I'm whining because I get upset but it's just, I spend so much time making things, I use all my spoons on either working or creating, I just want to know if it means anything but then negativity lives in my head because what's a functioning meat cube??? I try to stay positive but it's hard. Like another thing is Moon Guardian; the reason I haven't updated? because I have had someone bothering me about it. weekly I get asked about how I'm doing on it but it's not from a place of "want to read it" it's because I told them they couldn't post a certain thing until the chapter is done so it feels pressuring to constantly get asked because I feel the only reason they want to post is to boost their thing and I'm just the machine to boost it with my characters and comic.... like it feels they've taken the comic from me and it sucks because I have so many fun things planned. Like I accidentally went off on Nina about a thing with Alpine skyline and Eclipse as well as a thing with a Time Rift and a Jelly ghost.

Sorry kinda went off, just I've sat on this thought train since like early april. I've done my best to ignore it and just keep going but it's gotten really hard with the fact my health hasn't been really great. I've spent a lot of time lately bed bound because I just hurt so badly. if I'm not resting, I'm at my day job which is incredibly stressful rn as I only really work mornings and I see things that are being missed so then i report it and it still gets missed and i can't get it fixed after a point cuz we're back to full service and need the people so I can't nitpick but just.... I'm bitter okay like if I left this shit when I worked I would have gotten yelled at but now we just let it slide??? and this stresses me out which then causes my body to freak out because I'm stressed which puts me in more pain. and then like at work have people acting shocked I have my cane or soemthing and just skfdslkfksdf

so my energy is so tanked. and then the negative comment in my head, no idea if people like things cuz I have no idea if I hear nothing, just has had me doubting why post. Like I should go back to just not posting my stories and sketches or w/e and slink back to my hole like I was before.

idk Its just. a bad night in the house of bun. I've had these thoughts festering and I guess today was the dam breaking. It's probs cuz I'm nervous posting Chimeras because it's a very dark au.

[kyojuuros]

1, 2, 10, 11, 26, 28, 34 for the gif maker ask, please!

holy smokes anon that's a lot of options! 😂 Thank you for the ask lol

1. How did you get into graphics / gif making I started making gifs in 2015 because, while I tried my hand at writing fic, I ultimately found it... idk, not fulfilling, and I wanted a different way to contribute to fandom. I'm not very good at drawing, so I thought, why not try making gifs? I remember thinking how cool it was that people could do that and make them look so neat, so I decided to try it out for myself and I've never looked back. I really enjoy doing it!

2. Do you do something creative/related “irl” as well? I do not! This is purely a hobby of mine and I'm unlikely to do anything with it in the real world lol. I move boxes around in arctic conditions and stab people with needles for a living. 🥴

10. What graphics / gif trends do you dislike most? idk if there's any trends I particularly dislike, though I suppose there are some things I get bored with seeing (like the gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss thing, as an example). But it's more like I just get tired of seeing it, not necessarily that I dislike it.

11. What graphics / gif trends do you like most? I haven't seen as much of them lately but I really enjoy the cool like color-coded collages people have been doing for different series. It's just a really neat concept and I like collages in general. There's a nice visual appeal to breaking out of tumblr's 1/2/3 column default. lol I also understand how much work goes into those so I just find them impressive in general.

26. Give a graphic and or gif maker a quick tip! In general, and this might just be an OCD thing of mine, but I always recommend trying to cater your gifs to how they will look on the tumblr desktop dashboard whenever possible. I mainly point this one out in particular because I have seen quite a few sets recently where half the gifs won't load or won't move (but they will on mobile or on a tumblr user's actual page). I struggled with this issue on one of my recent sets and it was just a matter of deleting a few frames to get the gif working on the dashboard like it's supposed to. I know when I see smth where half the set isn't even working, it doesn't make me feel inclined to reblog it (which makes me feel bad cuz I wanna support everyone asfdhdfh). idk if it's just a bandwidth issue or what. The limit is 10MB but sometimes toeing that line will make or break whether that gif works or not. I try to always keep my gifs 9.5MB or less for this reason.

And I know this only warrants for a single tip, but unrelated to tumblr dashboard stuff, sharpening and surface blur can do WONDERS for the quality of your gifs! I recommend looking into these processes if you aren't sure how to do them already.

28. Advice for any beginner graphic / gif makers? Don't stress too much about how well your gifs look in comparison to more seasoned gif/gfx makers! I used to do this so much when I first started and it always made me feel really down about what I was creating. The point is just to have fun, first and foremost. You will learn things over time! Never be afraid to ask a gif/gfx maker about how they do things or what tools they use, I think most of us are willing to help! Look up tutorials, find resources that will help you enhance your gifs. Experiment with adjustment layers, patterns, overlays. Absolutely feel free to take inspo from others and mash together a bunch of different styles to form your own unique way of doing things. As long as you aren't making your creations a carbon copy, I think most of us like to see when we're inspiring other creators! It took years for me to figure out how to get my gifs the quality that they are - it's a process! Just enjoy learning new things and applying them to the things you already know. <3

34. Gif makers, how many frames do you import? (And why!) It really depends! I import videos into Photoshop directly and the little slider has set points where it lets you cut the part of the video file you want to work with, so most of the time I pull more frames than I need and have to delete the stuff around the shot I'm trying to gif. I try to get the entire shot whenever possible, so the amount of frames absolutely varies. Though, in general, I think I average anywhere between 80-150 frames on a regular basis. I've managed to get as many as over 300 frames in a single gif before though. LOL

Ask a gif/gfx maker!

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Drunken Shenanigans

(First off, sorry that this isn’t broken up into parts. I don’t know. Maybe you guys prefer it in one long chunk anyway? Well whatever. I’m too lazy RN but let me know your preference maybe for future stories? Cuz like. Y’all know how long winded I am.)

---------------

FUCK OKAY JUST

FUCKING DO IT WEI YING

ENOUGH PUTTING OFF THINGS.

I want to tell things in order. Or as close as I can remember. But I’m gonna be honest. The fire fucked me up. And I know that each story brings me closer to having to talk about it. 

But I think I have to talk about it. 

So

Let’s see. Drunk Lan Zhan. 

I WANT to talk about that because in retrospect it was fucking hilarous. 

But I haven’t been able to because I’m just all sorts of fucked up right now. 

But I think a way to get me less fucked up is to just start unwinding the pieces.

And honestly, writing helped before so I think it’ll help now. 

It’s just that starting has been difficult. 

So I’m just gonna rip off the bandage. 

I’m just gonna start. 

------------------

So it was Friday. Fuck. Already a month ago?? Jesus I’m late. 

Okay A month ago today. Friday. 

Let me gather my thoughts. 

What was I doing? I think I was at home. Doesn’t really matter. 

I got a text from Lan Zhan. Not completely unusual, but I knew he’d had plans to meet his family earlier. I think I was surprised that he was texting me so early in the evening? I remember expecting to hear from him later..

Er.. no wait I think I was going to text him around 9. To at least check in on him and wish him a good night. But he texted me first. 

I’m scrolling back through my phone. What exactly did he text? I know it was like… wrong right away.

Oh yeah. It was my name 3 times in a row. Or almost. The first two times were mistyped. And then after he got it right he apologized for the misspellings. 

I asked him what was wrong and…. String of martini glass emojis? Oh man he was GONE already wasn’t he?

SO obviously I booked it over there. Remember going through a few different apps to figure out which company would get me there the fastest because I sure as shit wasn’t gonna leave him there alone.

Looking back maybe I should have called someone else? His brother could have gotten there faster. I think I didn’t want him to worry. I figured if this was the state that Lan Zhan was in after meeting with his uncle, then Lan Xichen probably wasn’t in the best state either. 

I should have checked up on him too but I didn’t. I was too worried about Lan Zhan. 

I really should have checked in on him.

Maybe it’s not too late? Who takes care of Lan Xichen when Lan Zhan is fucked up? 

Okay that’s not right. Fucked up isn’t right. Lan Zhan… Lan Zhan has issues, I know he does. After all he is, surprisingly enough, still human. But he manages them so much better than I do. 

I’m fucked up. Not him. 

So let’s rephrase. Who helps Lan Xichen when his little brother is also upset? I know he was, is?, dating Jin GuangYao? Though he doesn’t talk about it much. I’ve met the man in passing a couple times. Doesn’t seem the most comforting.

Though I guess there’s DaGe too. I remember he took pretty good care of him at my birthday. 

Is it wrong to want to make Lan Xichen split up with Jin Guangyao so that I can set him up with DaGe? I just think they’d be cute together. 

Ah not that I’m in any place to do that. See above; I’m fucked up. I should untangle my own love life before I try to poke holes in someone else’s. 

And… maybe I shouldn’t be talking about these things on my blog?

Ah fuck it. I’ve said more personal stuff here already and none of you know anyone I’m talking about anyway except Ghosty and… Idk. I trust Ghosty. 

Can’t help it. I just trust them. 

Anyway

Anywaaaaayyyyy where was I?

Fuck these tangents. Are they worse than before? Or have I always been like this? I should re-read my old posts but somehow I’m scared to. I don’t want to look at where I was right now. I feel like so much has happened… am I even that person?

I don’t know why looking back scares me. Probably old defense mechanisms. Probably why I can’t remember anything before I was 10 too. Mmm. I should look back. I don’t want to forget.

But I think I’m afraid that I’ll… I don’t know… Either miss or hate who I was. If I miss who I was what will I do? I can’t go back to it. You can’t go back to what you were. 

But if I hate who I was…. Well I hate who I am so I guess there isn’t much difference….

Shelf that.

Fuck. My complaining about going off on tangents became a tangent. 

Where Was I???

Okay. So I carted my ass over to Lan Zhan’s, thinking not for the first time that maybe I should just fucking learn how to drive???????????

But whatever. I got there pretty quick. 

I knocked on the door, heard some concerning bangs and then silence. 

Knocked again and called out his name. 

Think I heard him again… swearing????? But it was muffled so I can’t be sure. 

Shame.

Haha

So I decided to do what he told me to do before and just use my damn key. 

I mean… it’s not breaking and entering right? And besides. He texted me. That… meant he wanted to see me right? At the very least even if he didn’t it was for his sake. Totally not at all because I was curious what he’s like when he’s drunk. 

Nope. Not a factor. Purely just wanted to make sure he was okay. Absolutely innocent. 

(You know that’s a lie. I REALLY wanted to see what he’s like when he’s drunk. But I DID also want to make sure he was okay. So really, win win. Or… True neutral in intent? IDK but I think they cancel each other out.)

So I very carefully opened the door and peered inside to find…. An empty apartment. 

The lights were off in the entry way, but I could see something down the hall and around the corner. Turns out that he was in the living room with a lamp and a bit of a mess. 

He’d knocked over the bottle of wine when I knocked. Apparently I startled him? And then when I knocked again… ???

I’m not sure. 

But he was somehow tangled in his own pant legs? They were comfy pants and a bit flowy and his foot got stuck in the other leg? I don’t know how it happened and clearly neither did he. And he’d toppled over and… apparently had given up. 

So clearly my coming over was the correct call. 

(Sorry Lan Zhan. I know you’ll never read this and never know but… this was just too precious to keep to myself. I promise I won’t embarrass you TOO much but there needs to be a documentation of your drunken hijinks. SangSang please don’t tell him. ;w;)

So about this point. I decided that instead of helping him, I was going to call out to you guys to ask for help.

I don’t know why? I was panicking. 

So I posted Help. 

And then went to untangle him. 

Managed to fix his pants (don’t think too hard about that one) and get him sitting properly. He just kinda blinked slowly at me and kept silent the entire time. ????

Like okay looking at his face you’d never know the guy was trashed. But the guy was TRASHED. 

I asked him how much he’d had and he just held up a finger. 

One.

One what??

A glass? A bottle? A keg?

I looked over at the jug that had tipped over and tried to gauge how much he’d had. I don’t know if the bottle had been full or not when he started. I don’t think I’d left any half-empty? But he may have shared with another guest? I wouldn’t have been surprised if he kept some on hand for SangSang too. Not just me. It’s good wine.

Well either way. With how much was now spilled on the table and floor, and how much was in the bottle… I’m guessing… he had no idea and was bullshitting me how much he’d had. 

So there’s that. 

He had enough alcohol for one drunk. Got it. 

Well didn’t matter. Either way he was sloshed. I suppose this is karma (I know that’s not how karma works) for when I got drunk off my ass in front of him before. Ah well. 

You know… speaking of karma…. Like what kind of fucked up karma do I have? Like I must have just been a DEMON in my previous life. What the fuck did I do? Massacre a ton of people? Raise the dead? FUCK. Well whatever I did. Thanks a lot past life me. You’re a DICK.

Anyway.

I went to get a cloth to mop up the mess. While I was wiping everything down he disappeared.

I posted on my blog again because I have shit priorities, and then went to find him. 

He was in the kitchen. After turning on every single light. His head was completely in the fridge. 

I called out to him, because what the fuck? And he stood up and blinked at me again. Except now he was holding a package of skinless chicken breast??? For some reason?????

Why did he even have that Probably was planning to make it for me the next day since that was our Saturdate. He doesn’t eat much meat so it wouldn’t make sense for him to have so much. 

But okay

Like

He just held it out to me and said my name. 

???????

Just.. standing in the kitchen with ALL the lights on with the fridge hanging open offering me skinless chicken breast in its neat little vacuum sealed packaging. 

So uh…  Like what do you do with that?

I asked him what he was doing and he just pushed the package at me, asking if it was good? 

I mean they looked fine. Lan Zhan always buys good stuff. And this stuff was clearly bought fresh and then wrapped up by himself. He’s got a vacuum sealer thing. So like it’s not even stuff from the grocery store? He probably got it from a humane butcher. Because he does his research on EVERYTHING. 

So like… yeah?? They were good? And I like chicken. 

So I just kinda nodded and said yeah they’re good. And so he pushed the meat at me again and said it was all for me? 

So um.. I don’t know if he was asking me to cook it? I asked him if he wanted me to cook it and he looked confused. 

And fair. I mean I was confused too. No one wants me to cook. Everyone always complains. They just don’t appreciate the culinary genius that is me. 

But Lan Zhan looked at me, then the chicken, and seemed to be in the deepest thought. 

“Let’s put this in the fridge and we can eat it tomorrow, yeah?” I suggested, trying to take the meat from him and edge to the fridge at the same time. 

Apparently this was incorrect as he yanked it away from me and started towards the stove?????

I got to him just in time to stop him from turning it on. 

Like okay Lan Zhan is an amazing chef. And he’s got a NICE kitchen. But the stove is a gas one. You know the one with open flame? And like 

THe man had just dumped have a container of Emperor’s Smile on himself???

Like fuck. So I think I screamed. 

Because Fuck. No. Lan Zhan was NOT going to cook for me while drunk off his ass. 

I remember lunging at him and like pulling all the knobs off of the stove so he couldn’t turn it on. He glared at me with this.. this …. POUT. omg it was adorable. 

But NOT adorable enough for me to give him back the stove knobs. He tried to grab them but I put them in my pocket.

And then he tried to grab them again which is danger zone no no for SO MANY REASONS ;asldkfjsa;lkfaslkfjsd;lkfjas;dkfj;lafkjk

So I took his hands 

And put on my best most adorable pleading expression and asked him to please let us have it tomorrow? Because I really wanted to eat it tomorrow. He stared at me again, binked, then slowly nodded and put the chicken… in the cupboard. 

So I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie or something instead. He didn’t answer (How is drunk Lan Zhan even more quiet than sober Lan Zhan? How is it possible?) but he didn’t like protest or anything. 

So I asked him if he wanted to pick something out and I’d come in in just a minute for him to surprise me with whatever he selected. 

He nodded at that. Mumbled something that sounded like “for Wei Ying.” or something and stumbled off. 

I took a moment to breathe and update the blog again before putting the chicken in the fridge. Contemplated hiding the knives and stove knobs somewhere where Lan Zhan couldn’t get to them, but that seemed a bit much. So I put the knobs back on and went to see what Lan Zhan was doing. 

He was….

Drinking….

More….

Again.

So I updated my blog again????? What the fuck is wrong with me?

Well I did stop him again.  I grabbed the bottle and just took it. Downed the whole jar so that he couldn’t have any more. 

Maybe not the best option? But I had eaten dinner for once and I’m actually not a lightweight. (That one time was a fluke. Like it seriously was) so it was fine. Not like I was driving home anyway.

And besides maybe it’d help me get on his level? IDK. It was stupid but then so am I. And it was just a shame to dump it all out so down the hatch it went. 

It was at this point that I realized that Lan Zhan was still wearing the clothes he’d spilled all over. I suggested he go change into something clean. He seemed to find logic in this and stumbled off to his room.

Did NOT shut the door but that’s okay. It was down the hall and I couldn’t really… SEE anything unless I went further into the hall myself. 

Tempting but I was a good boy and resisted. 

Thats when things got quiet… too quiet (see post I’d made about it being quiet). 

I went to go check on him to find that he was stripped to his boxers, with his pants around his ankles. He was looking in his closet, probably trying to find out what suit to wear???

But when I entered he stumbled back, slammed the door shut and toppled feet over head to the floor!!

Man he’s jumpy when he’s drunk. 

I helped him to rights and was actually so distracted that I didn’t realize that he was practically naked for like 2 whole seconds!!

(I’m pretty sure Lan Zhan isn’t a mortal, no matter what I said earlier in this very post about him being a human. No human being has the right to be that fucking cut??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

It is NOT fair. 

FUck. )

WELL being a responsible and reasonable adult (lol) I decided I would help this drunk toddler of a man get dressed. I dug through his pajama drawer and pulled out something soft and fluffy. Hoped that it’d be more appealing to him if it was super super comfy. Started to hand it to him, but then figured fuck it. Probably better to just do it myself. 

Managed to keep my eyes and hands to myself as I helped him. Very proud.

He let me do this without complaint. He was very good. He lifted his arms up when I told him to and his legs. Ended up putting my face WAY too close to his hips but I looked at the wall the entire time so it was fine.

Fine. It was fine. We’re fine. I’m fine. It’s fine. 

Fuck I’m a mess. 

Okay what happened next. He was good. Sat like a good boy. Got him dressed (thank you A-Yuan for giving me practice? Did not think this was a life skill i’d be needing now that you’re growing up and can do your own buttons but guess life likes to throw them curve balls. Either way. A-Yuan m’boy. I owe you a solid.)

(Also do NOT miss changing your diaper. Fuck) 

ANyway

NO TANGENTS. (that’s a lie. There will be more tangents. Whatever.)

SO Lan Zhan was dressed like a human again. Somehow even drunk of his ass he looks like some sort of adonis. Not fair.

Uh.

Oh yeah. I got up and was gonna step away and he grabbed me. 

Not like hard? But really firm. Grabbed my arm and said “no.”

No what? No to the pajamas? No to the bunny slippers? No????

I asked him what he was saying no to and he just said no again and pulled me closer. 

“Lan Zhan Lan Zhan” I chided, “You’re being unreasonable. I got you all dressed and you were being so good but now I try to get up and you say no and stop me? What are you wanting? Do you not like these pajamas? Do you want me to dress you in something else?”

I remembered him looking at the closet and decided to be a little shit. I was gonna pretend I was gonna grab one if his suits to dress him in that instead. (No way I was going through that effort. Just wanted to prove a point that the PJ’s were much more comfy.)”

“Alright. Why don’t we change into something else? I know you like wearing suits. Or well, /I/ like when you wear suits. So let’s go get one.”

He started to relax his grip and I got up again, but then 2 steps to the closet he seemed to panic and grabbed me again. 

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and sat back down on the bed with me mostly in his lap?????

Okay Trying to keep myself pure here. I’m a good boy. Who was not going to take advantage of my best friend while he was drunk off his ass.  Good boy. Think of ANYTHING else but being in his lap. 

And of course. THis meant. I had to run my mouth. 

“OH? So you DON’T want a suit? Well then you should just be happy in those pajamas. As nice as you look in a suit I think they’re much more comfortable. The pajamas that is. Unless you’d rather be naked. But that--”

Anddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

He covered my mouth. 

I tried to twist to look at him but he wouldn’t let me. 

I tried to protest against his hand but he wouldn’t let go. 

So I examined my options and decided the only course was to lick him.

So I did. 

Because I have had a brother and that always got me out when Jiang Cheng actually managed to pin me.

Worked like a charm this time too. Lan Zhan dropped me like I was made of fire. 

Maybe I should have been offended???? But I was too busy laughing. 

He stared at his hand in what had to be horror. I calmed down enough to offer to wipe it off for him but he just pulled it in to his chest protectively. 

“Oh come one. I’m not gonna lick it again! I said wipe it off! Clean it. Fuck I’ll wash ‘em with soap if you want. Dear goodness it’s not like I’ve got fucking cooties or something.”

He stared at his hand again and pouted, seemingly not sure what he wanted to do. 

I reached out gently again and he pulled away again.  Clearly not down for touching anymore. 

So I huffed and said fine. 

“You just go to bed or something then. I’ll leave you alone if you’re just gonna get all grumpy at me.”

So I started to leave. And he tried to grab me again???????????????????????????????????

Does he want to be touched or not? Or maybe he just wanted to do the touching now that I look back on it.

Well at the time I just kinda leapt out of the way and complained he wasn’t being fair changing his mind about what he wanted every 2 seconds. Quite unreasonable.

And somehow….

This ended with us chasing each other around the house??? 

Admittedly that part’s a bit of a blur. It started with him chasing me and then somehow we switched and I ended up chasing him?

Oh yeah. I think I thought he was going back to the kitchen or something and I panicked and tackled him onto the couch. That’s when I sat on him to keep him there and posted about it again while I caught my breath. 

He just let himself lay face down on the couch, his face pressed into the pillow completely. Both a blessing and a curse because I don’t know what I was thinking at the time. I dont’ know what I would have done if he’d pouted at me again. Licked him again?? But a curse because that meant all I had to focus on was how thicc his ass was. Like I was sitting on it. 

And it is a COMFY perch. Gotta say. Like fuck. This man is perfect in every way. 

NOT. THE. POINT.

KEEP MIND. AWAY FROM THAT. YOU DON’T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. ESPECIALLY THINKING ABOUT THINGS THIS WAY WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO BE SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED AS HIM AGAIN TONIGHT. 

(DON’T @ ME WE JUST SHARE A BED. OKAY? IT MAKES US BOTH FEEL BETTER AND IT’S FINE. IT’S FINE. WE’RE FINE. I’M FINE. IT’S FINE. I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT THAT MORE LATER BUT JUST.. IT’S FINE OKAY? IT’S FINE. TRUST ME. COMPLETELY NOTHING ROMANTIC ABOUT IT. IT’S OKAY TO CUDDLE YOUR BROS. I MEAN IT’S A BIT COMPLICATED SEEING AS I’M IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT WE BOTH AGREED THAT THE KISS MEANT NOTHING SO WE’RE FINE. 

FUCK.. okay I’ll get back to this in a minute because I made myself cry again. 

Hold on. 

Okay I’m back. And I’m actually fine now. Just a little bit of heartache. It flares up if I think about it so I just don’t think about it. 

So sometimes when it sneaks up on me like that it just causes a little bit of a panic. We’re fine though. It’s passed and we’re fine. 

Where was I? Where was I…. um… oh yeah. Sitting on that juicy ass--- um.. Sitting on Lan Zhan to keep him on the couch where it was safe and cushioned. 

It worked for a bit. But apparently only because he wanted it to. 

Somehow I forgot that the man can bench a fucking truck? So he just did a push up with me on his back while on the couch (Have you tried to do pushups on a cushioned surface? Please do not do this. Make sure you exercise on sturdy, solid surfaces or you will roll your wrists or something and I will not be held responsible for unsafe workout practices.)

SO Lan Zhan just pushed both of us up and I tumbled right off like I was made of fucking feathers. 

No idea what he was planning to do. 

At first he seemed worried about me because I tumbled. Which I think broke his train of thought away from what he’d originally planned? Or did he even have a plan to begin with? 

FUck who knows. Not me!

Well anyway

I had a bold stroke of genius. Because how does Lan Zhan get me to stay put?

So I told him to sit and wait because I had a surprise for him and that I’d be really sad if he didn’t do it. 

So he immediately assumed the lotus position and closed his eyes. Coulda been a fucking statue. 

I stared for a second but then remembered he was drunk as FUCK and I had no time. So I rushed off and grabbed Bichen and Suibian so I could dump ‘em in his lap. 

Fucking worked like a charm. Suibian didn’t stay too long because she always prefers my lap (aaaaaaaaaaaah my heart) but Bichen will always stay put when plopped on Lan Zhan’s lap. (I feel ya, li’l buddy. If I could get away with it I’d live there too).

Told him that he needed to be nice and calm for the bunnies and he nodded so seriously. He started to pet Bichen so carefully it was so sweet. The little bun flopped over right away. She loves her Lan Zhan so much. (Same)

Decided to try and get him to talk to me once he’d been quiet for a little while. I asked him what started all this anyway. 

At first he said that he wanted to learn to be more tolerant to alcohol so that he could drink with me

Which is so fucking sweet but does not explain why he went so hard into it. 

And I knew he’d seen his uncle earlier that day. So I pressed. 

I won’t tell you all that he told me. But yeah. Family is complicated man. 

But that part of the story.. That’s his story. I’m not sure if he even wants ME to know about it, so I’m definitely not telling you guys. Sorry. But please try to understand. 

We talked for a long while and eventually he ended up falling asleep. I very carefully moved the bunnies to their pen, then picked him up and carried him off to bed too. 

There’s something surreal about princess carrying Lan Zhan. Not gonna lie. 

I wasn’t willing to leave him alone in case he woke up again so I just climbed into bed with him. Wrapped him up in my arms to make sure I’d wake up if he tried to leave (hopefully).

But he slept through the night. 

It wasn’t until morning that he lurched out of bed and booked it to the bathroom. Poor guy.

I will never try to get him to drink again. With mornings that awful it’s just not worth it. Though admittedly he’d probably do okay if he just didn’t drink as MUCH as he did. Make I’ll get him a Mikes Hard? I know from talking to him since then that the wanting to be able to share a drink with me was genuine even if it wasn’t the only reason he was drinking. So maybe we can ease him into it. I mean Mikes hards are so weak that they may as well be virgin drinks so that should be safe? 

I’ll talk to him about it later. 

Anyway. I took care of him all morning and he was so miserable. (Even got to carry him again. He was so worn out he barely protested). 

I brought him back to bed with some aspirin and some water. I should have made him drink some the previous night but I guess with how crazy that night was maybe I can be forgiven for that at least. 

I gave him some kisses on his face because at that point it was our thing??? (Because… what were we??? Well now we’re back to just friends I think. After… after the kiss that meant nothing.)

Fuck.

Okay don’t think about it. We were… we were something… but now we’re just friends. And that’s just… how it is. Because i fucked up. Because of course I fucked up. 

I let him take a nap and watched something trashy on TV. Eventually he shlumped out of bed (as much as Lan Zhan ever schlumps which is not a lot) and crashed onto the couch next to me. 

We talked some more and he tried to apologize to me. I wasn’t gonna hear it. I got a bit of a more sober re-telling of the reason he was drinking and I did my part to listen. 

Despite how much I talk, I can actually listen if the occasion calls for it! Surprising, I know. 

We went to bed again eventually after watching more garbage TV together. 

And uh.. Yeah…

That’s the adventures of Drunk Lan Zhan. 

Sorry I know some of the details are probably wrong. It’s been a while and a lot happened. But yeah. That’s more or less it. 

[albatris]

K!

thank you so much for the ask!! :D 

I have two K characters left and I think Kit’s up next so..... here’s that?

I feel like this answer is gonna be waaaay less involved than some of my other responses because I just. never have any idea what’s going on in this WIP ever. to be honest I was wrong and this got super long again and I am so sorry

Full name: I’m not sure if he has one! If he does I haven’t concocted it yet! So far he’s just Kit!

Nicknames, if any: not any, really? I mean, Kit is pretty short as is, and there’s not too many different avenues you can take it, and he’s kind of a grump so if someone tried to give him a fun nickname he’d probably just complain about it. I feel like the One Lone Exception to this would be that Beth probably had/has some form of nickname for him? but I haven’t decided on what it was/is yet

I also have no idea whether to use past tense or present tense for Beth because while she is very dead she also makes a point of haunting the fuck out of basically everyone at times and still has many, many opinions to give

Hogwarts house: ok hold on I’ve gotta go take a quiz……………………. Ravenclaw, allegedly, though that seems like kind of a stretch.... he’s probably actually somewhere between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor?

I feel like he’s probably a fair amount of Gryffindor deep down inside but has a lot of difficult internal work to do before he uncovers the box it’s locked up in :P

Gender: Would not know what a gender was if it punched him in the face. No concept of it. Never considered his own at length. I’d probably call him agender but he’s basically the definition of “idk man I just work here”

Sexuality: just kinda whatever happens happens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A song I associate with them: cool so I hope everyone’s caught onto the fact by now that I am incapable of limiting myself to Just One Song so here’s……… a reasonable collection of good Kit tunes: “Plant Life” by Owl City, “Body” by Mother Mother, “Necromancin Dancin” by Bear Ghost, and “Hunting Season” by Fences

3 important relationships: 

the first one is gonna be a bit of a ramble but I’ll keep it short-ish for the other two hopefully :’)

First off: backstory, Beth, the aforementioned late wife. I feel like Kit was kind of a trainwreck before he met her and kind of a trainwreck after she died, and honestly probably still kind of a trainwreck in the time between, but like. They were both kind of trainwrecks in their own individual ways and they were markedly less trainwrecky together so it worked? Kit has a looooot of trouble being close to people and trying to deal with the anxiety that comes up when someone tries to get close to him, but ended up caring about Beth more than he thought he was capable of and apparently more than he’s cared about anyone since

Also yeah she didn’t die in some mournful dramatic sad way, she died doing some sick mythbusters level necromancy bullshit, like, absolutely

Also YEAH her ghost is a recurring character who just occasionally. shows up. and has opinions about things. Still manages to tune the radio to heavy metal music but is pissed that she can no longer use a laptop for her creative writing. She’s not hanging out doing ghost things because of any shady necromancy stuff, like, literally she just sticks around out of pure spite. She’s got shit to do. So I mean, she and Kit still get to hang out sometimes. Kind of. In ghost terms. Being bros with your ghost wife is kind of a complicated ball game

Next is Aster! These two constantly get on each other’s nerves and insist they hate each other but they’ve had every opportunity to part ways and they never do so, y’know. They’re both absolutely furious that they consider the other their dearest friend and would rather die than ever admit it, but like. They do genuinely care about each other and are 100% ready to drop everything and come to the other’s rescue should the need arise (and it often does because both of them are huge dumbasses with no sense of self-preservation)

and lastly Nolan, who is…………………. just some bastard. I don’t know if Nolan and Kit are related, like, if they’re like step-siblings or something, or if Nolan is just some dude who showed up one day and was like "wonderful! this looks a fantastic person to bother for the next several centuries! you are literally never going to be free of me!” and he was right

2 fears:

Comparatively short answers considering the rambles I’ve been on already: an intense fear of failure that kind of just leads to him doing nothing most of the time and coming across as quite apathetic, cuz like, can’t fail if you don’t try. And a deep-seated terror that the universe has no rhyme or reason and nothing right and good at the heart of it and it’s all just mindless chaos with no point, y’know, chaos for the sake of chaos

1 element of their backstory:

Kit had literally zero interest whatsoever in fucking around with necromancy but he got super depressed after Beth died and wallowed in his misery for ages and didn’t see the meaning in life and then eventually was like “might as well study necromancy and fulfil Beth’s life goal of reanimating a t-rex I guess!” and now that’s what he’s doing and he’s having a pretty good time

it’s important to have fun and meaningful hobbies!

anyway thanks again for the ask and sorry it went on a while!!! hope ur having a nice day!!!!

[bionicdragonguardian1]

Ranma 2/4

Yup... I’m doing it... yes this how I plan, shut up

Part One: Chapters 1-12

Genderfluid Ranma Saotome

Bisexual Akane Tendo

BAMF!Akane if it kills me

More modern America take on LGBTQIA+ themes

Bisexual Ryoga Hibiki

Fuck the Kunos

Full Series AU because I am a fool who doesn’t know restraint

Magic Rules are a thing

I am actually going to keep a consistent timeline if it kills me

I have a PLAN

Very Minor changes to the actual plot cuz economics

Bad Parenting is addressed

Harassment is Addressed

I will make them acknowledge Physics/Medical because I’m an asshole

Pulling from both the Anime and the Manga

Still working through the Manga as I plot

Friendly reminder that Genma is crap

Friendly reminder that Nodoka is crazy

Poor Mousse

Soun Tendo TRIES really hard but grief fucking sucks

Nabiki is morally grey

Toxic Shampoo

Kasumi gets Character Development or so help me

polyship cuz surprises

I promise I do love this anime

I’m just stunned that so many people didn’t get a lot of character development

Actual fucking ENDING

I do actually hate Shampoo tho

I watch dubs

Ranma slowly starts using they/them pronouns vs switching

Ranma wears a bra, fuck you

Yes I’m using 2020 LGBT stuff BUT I will keep the tech as close to the 90s as I can (tho fair warning I was BORN in the 90s)

Toxic Masculinity addressed (yes I mean Ranma’s)

Ranma is awkward as hell

bc that’s what happens when you isolate a child, Genma!

Also, they spent closer to 1-2 months in China bc of how many things happen while they’re there

Homophobic/Transphobic Language

Ranma uses Ranko WAY more often cuz it makes sense

Tatewaki is actually not as stupid as he is in canon, but he’s worse

Kodachi… on the other hand... IS stupid

Canon Heights are used (hence the “actual magic” tag, it’s how Kuno explains it and is still wrong)

Ranma is a shitty liar, and trusts his friends (kinda)

I’ve never like Shampoo, I don't hide that

While reading the manga I’ve realized how often Ranma wears a hat in the early chapters

I love it

Laws Exist

Rule Enforcement

Adults aren’t useless

Demiromantic Ranma

Ace/Demisexual Ranma (I haven’t decided yet)

Demiromantic Akane

Pansexual Ryoga

YES Akane is Bisexual AND Demiromantic. It’s a thing!

Genma is a sonnova bitch and piece o shit

Diasuke x Hiroshi

Sayuri x Yuka

Polyamory discussions

Hiroshi x Yuka

Protective Ranma

Protective Akane

Protective Ryoga

Tendos adopt Ryoga bc they care

Cologne sucks, I didn’t realize that was justified until now

Minor Anime over Manga Arc Choices

People aren’t oblivious those around Ranma a lot pick up on the transformation thing (eventually)

Ryoga’s crush on Akane turns into something normal, I may be ~Aro but even I know that’s bad

The “Akane Can’t Cook” Joke was funny once or twice; NOT the whole series Akane learns to cook

WAY fucking sooner than she did in the Anime

Look, I get the stereotype but it’s NOT funny!

Manga Chapt6Pt3 cover gave me too many ideas for what I want to do to Ryoga & IDK how I feel (Tiny pigtailed girl Ryoga is just too cute that I want to drop him the niángnìqu��n)

I will use Wiki-Mandarin-Spellings for Jusenkyo Springs cuz I don’t understand a lick of Chinese

Certain Arcs will be skipped entirely because I HATED THEM (any time they showed up)!

YEET Tea Ceremony Arc(s), mainly cuz an outsider I didn’t get it like I’m sure I was supposed to

If I could just kill Happosai I would, but I can’t

Expect him to be VERY dead/gone post-Canon

Fair warning tho cuz I hate him more than I hate Shampoo or Cologne

Shampoo still sucks

I wish the scene w Hiro/Dai was in the Anime cuz it’s hilarious

Ranma’s hat is back! I love it!

Is… is Ranma ADHD or is that me projecting again?

God, these two are hopeless dorks

Was someone going to TELL me that Ranma’s classmates figured out the transformation BEFORE the Romeo thing or was I just supposed to sit there stunned when it happened?!?

Goddammit, I hate Romeo and Julliet

I don’t mean the ep, I mean the play/movie/etc cuz my school years have done it 1.6 million times that I just can’t stand it anymore

Gosunkugi… wtf is wrong with you?

STILL hate this play

I’m American, ok

this has been shoved down my throat since I was 8 so It never occured to me that Ranma not knowing Romeo & Julliet at all wouldn’t be weird

Ranma learns his lines (kinda)

Kuno is 600% the reason they go off script

...And Gosunkugi being creepy af

TBH where they go off script (like Akane’s sleep scene) I’ll probs redo purely cuz I know this play

Still hate this play

Lol, tape ain’t a thing, that’s hilarious

Ranma kissing Kuno, yes

Akane kissing Ranma, NO

It’s called FAKING it

You either get over it or learn to fake it

Is it wrong that it’s tempting to get rid of P-chan in chapt8?

Don’t answer that… I know it is

Akane you need to learn to trust Ranma

Like seriously… that’s the 1 thing that drove me batty

100% going for the Anime version of the Japanese Speong of Drowned Man cuz it’s funnier

(I’m still tempted to change Ryoga)

Since the Cookie thing came before any comment about Akane’s cooking (Anime) I just figured Ranma was like me and can’t eat a ton of processed sugar (yes, make you that sick) so... HEADCANON!!

But Ranma’s still awkward af talking about it

Yup, subbing out Sasuke for Gosunkugi

Ranma not realizing his dad was committing crimes NEEDS to be handled better

I see angst potential

Ukyo is def still cis-fem, that point at least works

Ukyo’s dad is NOT in the clear here

Friendly reminder that Genma TOLD Mr. Kuonji that Ranma had a fiancée

Jealous Ranma’s fun

Ranma… just cuz you’ve 6.5k fiancé doesn’t mean everyone does

I’m just saying, Ryoga only falls for Ranma

Is Ranma wearing a binder while cursed bad? I honestly don’t know…

Poor Ranma, I’d DIE!

Obvs changing the rules of the pill from “first person of the opp sex”

I’m thinking “first person you’d be attracted to” cuz it’s nice and inclusive and won’t make someone fall for someone they wouldn’t normally

I’m just tryin’ to avoid some gayboy from fallin’ for a girl or some straight girl fallin’ for a girl

I mean Ranma’s still gonna Insta Cologne

Rule gets stricter the longer the pill lasts

also incest needs to be excluded

Look, I am NOT condoning Mousse’s obsession

but Shampoo still sucks

Is me making Tsubasa mtf bad?

Someone tell me cuz I’m not sure

I think I accidentally made Ukyo transphobic… oops

Redemption? Hopefully, idk yet

Do you realize how much anti LGBT shit I have to work through?!?

Tsubasa’s issue is 600% that she’s a lesbian so Ranma being a guy (even sometimes) weirds her out which for the record is FINE since they haven’t been dating at all & Ranma didn’t tell her!

The ½ white ½ brown dog IS actually Ryoga’s?!?

I didn’t know I needed this!

Also she’s staying!

Is Sasuke an Anime character?!?! Idk how I feel about this…

Ranma is a little shit & I love it

My idea may’ve been wrong (and Ranma!) but I love the idea had that I’m tempted do it anyway

Alright, Ranma is def going too far… even I can admit that

I’m quite sad this arc wasn’t animated

I don’t know which one I want! Kuno sick vs sneezing cat?

I can’t pick!

They’re both perfect!

Yup, Shampoo is evil

Akane… tone down the weapons kay?

[mophobia]

So I finally did decide to watch The Woman Who Fell to Earth and... wow. I know I’m way late on the train but I just wanted to share some of my thoughts just from this first episode because why the heck not

First of all, just all the clear fuck you’s to Moffat (intentional or not). The fact that this single episode already has better representation than Moffats entire run, each of those characters have more development already in just their pinky fingers than pretty much is seen in Moffats entire run, the simple plot, the deep care and not asshole-ness of the Doctor. Just like top notch stuff

Still missing that extra mmmph of just pure weirdness I loved from RTD, but also new showrunner new rules and I can live with that

I felt like there were a lot of parallels to RTD era stuff, maybe just in my head maybe meant to be. But none of it copying yay! idk I just got the vibes of something I haven’t seen or felt in a while. Also got some 10 vibes from 13 which I love

I sooo want to believe that 13s appearance is a tribute to Rose, although maybe that’s just my Doctorxrose shipper coming out. But also... come on... that blonde with brown roots thing 13 has got going... when was the last time we saw that? I’m not asking for it to be addressed or talked about or acknowledged in any way (don’t get me wrong I’m always a slut for rose references but this is 13s time to shine) but I just hope it’s even a little true

I do still really miss the soundtrack from RTDs and even some of Moffats run. Just those dramatic moments with that wonderful score still gives me chills. And I’m always a slut for a good theme. Don’t know if that‘ll change as the series goes on cuz I was starting to get that music towards the end of the episode but we’ll see (I hope Murray gold is still composing... I should look that up.

“I matter, I am valuable...” just a bit of a clue I loved showing us were back in for that theme in Doctor Who that you don’t have to be “special” to matter (which I think the character the alien is hunting and just this story itself encapsulates very well just in general)

I honestly almost cried after the security guard got killed after that call with his granddaughter... I honestly don’t think I cried at anything in Moffats run so to come back to Doctor Who and feel actual emotion is just... I have no words I’m so happy

Wilfred and Graham would be bickering BFFs you can fight me on that

Another thing I do still miss is the noise from from RTDs era. I can’t think of exactly how to put it but there’s just that hustle and bustle of the world you feel in those first few seasons and it stil feels very secluded and... idk quiet here? Again though it’s only the first episode and the setting didn’t really call for large crowds so we’ll see how that transforms over time

Also on the subject of things I miss... just that slightly softer, warmer, lighter feel of the world you see in RTDs era. But also I don’t know how much of that has changed just due to technology evolving and getting better? Maybe that’s just more of a nostalgia thing.

13S LITTLE SPEECH BEFORE JUMPING! AND THE JUMP ITSELF! FUCK YES!

Love love love the fact that 13 is treated the same as any other Doctor in this episode. She doesn’t need to prove herself to any of her team at any point (other than she is in fact an alien which is just a Doctor thing in general), she lifts herself onto the platform after hanging on (can you imagine the upper body strength? 11 could never), and the fact that she never comments on how her abilities are different because she’s a woman now. I almost thought there was gonna be a boob joke when she couldn’t run after the alien after first finding it, but then it was just a comment on how her regeneration was affecting her!! The Doctor knows how strong women are, after all ze’s seen their strength first hand on MANY occasions traveling with them so why would she think negatively on being a woman. Although I do hope we get to maybe acknowledge new struggles she might feel from society looking at her as a woman and working to prove them wrong at some point. Thank you Chibnall for giving us something Moffat never would (and never could!)

I loved 13s reaction after the guy who was being hunted pushed the alien off the bridge. “You didn’t have to do that” and so disappointed. All I could think was the Doctor’s finally back.

I really did cry by the ending when the Doctor was facing the alien. At first it was just because I was feeling like Doctor Who back which made me so happy I couldn’t help but crying. But then Grace died and it really made me sad. But then the thought that something in DW actually gave me enough of an emotional reaction to cry again just made me start to cry for happiness all over again.

Also people are dying again! There’s seriousness and consequences again!! Not that I want people to die and suffer in every episode, but again that return to the core of Doctor Who is making me happy.

13 talking about how she keeps her family with her in her heart and as reminders of who to be. So beautiful (and just fuels my belief that her look is a reminder/whisper of Rose). I really hope this new era might be able to include an old companion or two from RTD era even (I know Jack is back? Kinda? And maybe he’s coming back again? But can you imagine the powerhouse of Mickey and Martha returning and working with 13??? I would DIE)

That outfit? ICONIC!!!

I think I still need to get used to the Doctor traveling with a pack. I’m happy for all the real characters were getting considering it’s pretty much just been the Doctor/half-baked Companion show since Moffat took over. But also it’s a different group feel than from RTD just cuz even then there was the Companion and their family that were more supporting characters. And even with Jack, he only popped up after we already knew the Doctors/Rose relationship. But I’m excited to see how this team of companions works!

All in all... still don’t know if I’m quite ready to believe 13 will top 9/10 for me, but as far as I’m concerned it’s already better than 11/12. And at the end of the day, I’m just happy to feel like I can love Doctor Who again.

So... after watching into skyfall not sure my original predictions on how this series/era went have stayed true. While I still love the 13th Doctor and Jodie.... I am already feeling let down by what’s to come. And it’s weird cuz there are certain parts I love, but the ones I hate are just far outweighing the positives. Why does every writer now need to alter the entire doctors life in a way that ruins RTD and, hell, even Moffat’s plots. I hated Moffat but Jesus. Even I’m beginning to think I’d rather watch 11-12 over this.

[g0re-moved]

a) Are you okay? b) What's going on in the Six fandom now?

GOD WHERE DO I START

a) I'm not doing too good, school's putting a lot of stress on me and I can't keep up atm so im very frantic and stuff

b) Some rp blogs are icky. Like I understand if you're doing a sfw rp that's just like pure fluff and for laughs I'm fine with that. But there are a couple blogs out there that take it to a next level. They start talking about alcoholism, doing drugs, and the worst part sexual stuff. I wouldn't have a problem with it if it was like most musicals, purely fictional. But like this is a show about real people, and yes I understand that these are supposed to be fictional versions of them, but it's still weird and gross. These women were mistreated by their husband, 2 of which were killed, and you decide to make a roleplay blog and make the themes very mature and sexual. Like I said there are a couple six rp blogs I like, because they are strictly fluff, not talking about all these sensitive topics. Like they were real people!! There's also a certain blog that makes purely smut content, and I just find it kinda weird and gross cuz once more these were real people . I have nothing against people who write six fanfictions since I follow a lot of them and enjoy their content, but it's just the s m u t. It makes me v uncomfortable and I'm sure that I'm not the only one. The fandom is becoming toxic very quickly too. It used to be neutral and nice but something happened. I can't tell what happened maybe it was the ******* ******* or toxic millie stans or idk. The fandom is becoming like the Hamilton fandom, we haven't gotten there yet but with time we will. The Hamilton fandom was insane and v toxic. We still have time to reverse it, we can just rewind and be a good neutral fandom again.

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 08

rip it’s a lot of stuff, some good, some weird….

Anonymous said: do you like eating ass? I bet your booty is thicc and juicy :)

idk who would even send this but ummm I’m a bottom so yeah.. that answers that wedhfnsh have u nice day/night <3

@thesimpley2k​  said: your cc is so beautiful! and you’re a britney stan :) ily sis

thank youuuuu omg ily2 lmao I don’t voice my Britney stanness much but once B10 starts getting more hyped up I’ll be back up there! Thank you again and rip original make me MV

Anonymous said: Oof I need all of your wip hairs right now            

oof you haven’t even seen half of them sweetie ;) I have 10 wip hairs as of now so like… you’ve seen 4 on this blog through edits/playlists. the rest are on my patreon and some go on my wips section in my discord (omg shameless plug im sorry but its true)

Anonymous said: Can we gift you packs through origin?

if u want?? idrk how that works tbh ;-; if u did tho like rsdfgfbvc thank you!!! I prob will only buy packs that I can use for cc from now on tbh ;-; my computer is at that point where i need to be really picky about stuff, plus imo they arent worth it wedfgdbfn i regret buying most of the SP’s

Anonymous said: Are you posting a shorter version of the Zoey Hair as shown in your latest post because it looks amazing?!!!!!

thank you!!! That is basically what the idea of it is lmao, but I think im gonna make an accessory hair clip for it too. Not 100% sure yet tho

@agentwashsims​ said: Crying over the wip hair and the grimes reference! Okay you’re still perfect and ily that it all okay bye. 

aaah thank you! grimes is so good omg Art Angels is my favorite album but there are a lot of ongs on Visions I like as well. I like a little bit of Halfaxa toooooo

Anonymous said: Hi, would it be possible for you to just reupload the lydia hair post? As it’s marked as sensitive content, I can’t see the picture and I’d really like to be able to have a look at it before I download it.

Hi! I emailed tumblr support about it since it has been over a month since it has been up for review. Hopefully they get it worked out soon <3 there is a picture of it on my download page if you want to look at it there

Anonymous said: Hey, how do I do Patreon? I want to but i’m new to all those things of Patreon cause now I want lots of hairs that need it, and I wanna learn how can I Patreon you!

Hello! Hopefully you see this haha. Patreon is sort of like Netlfix in it is a monthly charge for goods. To get 3 cc hairs early each month, it is a $1 pledge. Higher pledges get better rewards(such as watching me work on cc, getting to vote on hair releases, and more). I think that Patreon is a great way to help support creators as long as they do it right (no exclusive CC). I really hope this helps you and thank you so much if you decide to pledge any ammount <3

Anonymous said: When are going to upload your maxis match hairlines? Like in a post

oml I am horrible lmao I deleted them and don’t seem to have them backed up, but I will maybe make more in the future?? I honestly don’t find them that usable on most hairs but everybody is different so we will see <3

Anonymous said: Is the black braided hair on your April Playlist a WIP? If not WCIF it cuz it’s gorgeous <333 Ily.

issa wip for Juneee

Anonymous said: how old are you?

18 d2f m4m

Anonymous said: What is your Origin ID?

spotharris

Anonymous said: Hey! I 🖤 ur content btw and I wanted to just like clarify something. Ur posts say u can recollect but don’t include the mesh. What does that mean exactly??? Do people still need the mesh for the recollections to show up in game?? Sorry if this is really dumb, I’m a new simblr. Thx!            

hey!! sorry for the super late reply omg, welcome to simblr!! it is kinda crazy here but hopefully u can find ur peeps and make a nice home :) anywaysssss i think u mean recoloring, which is like when people add different colors other than the 18 EA base colors. I don’t allow people to use the meshes mainly bc I know that sometimes I have to go back and update things and this way the recolors don’t have a broken mesh and require that person to redo their package.

Anonymous said: whose ur fave member of lOoNa

my rankings as of right now: Kim Lip, Go Won, Olivia Hye, JinSoul, HyunJin, Chuu, HeeJin, Choerry, HeeJin, HaSeul, ViVi, and then YeoJin

also omfg if u have jinsoul/kim lip/choerry limited edition mix&match photocard and would like to gift me it then umm PLEASE they are impossible to find and i need for my collection ;-;

@disneynsims​ said: I am also a massive Britney Spears fan, and I have to say I appreciate you naming your hairs after her songs. I do make one small request, that a hair eventually be named after one of her best bonus tracks, “Up n’ Down”.

omg Up N’ Down is one of my least favorites on femme fatale grfbg but thank you!! I don’t really name hairs after her songs anymore :(

@issharky​ said: you’ve improved so much over the time! ive been following (on tsr and tumblr since i joined) since like 2016! ♥ still love your blog!            

ygvhbjn i didnt have a tsr but go awf lmao thank you!!! i was a mess in 2016 and a lil of 2017 <3

Anonymous said: Ur such a babe austin            

thx for sending this @dogsill​ ur a babe too 😘

Anonymous said: Discord? Patreon? And this are how a good simblr die

oof discord is literally like a groupchat thing but go off also patreon makes it so i release 3 hairs a month when before it was like 1 or 2 so ummm

Anonymous said: I have recently downloaded blender to make cc hairs, but I can’t zoom in, rotate, or do anything basically. Do you know of any tutorials that explain how to use it well/ in detail? (I have a windows laptop). Anyway, I recently discovered your hairs and I am in love!! Thank you for making so many beautiful pieces of cc!

urgg i really wish i could make video tutorials and stuff for blender and hairs :( I have tried about 3 or 4 times to record/stream and it is so laggy and just pure shit on stream and twitch. I kind of just learned stuff as i went in blender but a must have is a mouse of some kind, otherwise it is 10x harder

@alexschmidt629 said: Hey! I hope you’re doing a bit better than the last time you made your last post! I’m sorry to hear about all of that, being a senior is so difficult and college stuff is even more difficult. I hope you’re doing better!

thank you! I’m doing a bit better now :)

Anonymous said: holy shit it sounds like everything that literally could’ve gone wrong did. wishing u love and luck bb. and also i think its absolutely FINE that u put ur stuff up on patreon early, it’s still free in the end!! its just a choice to actually compensate cc creators for all that they do for us. god that person was just so rude and im kinda surprised at how kindly you took it. props to u xx 

yeah dsgf everything kinda went shitty the past few months but hopefully it all turns itself around :) and I try not to pick at any rude anons/asks in general bc I feel like by doing that it just causes more attention on the issue and more people/trolls want to jump on the band wagon. Thank you!!

Anonymous said: Oh honey, you need prayers and I wish you the best of luck with fasts, college, moving, and the rest of your life. Stay strong hon you got this!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

thank you <3

Anonymous said: hi is there a version off the Ella hair that has a bun in the back or am I crazy? probs crazy honestly, but thx for answering

I think you are thinking of my Maja hair? It has a different bottom but it has those same bangs! It is here

[pretty-pink-seaslug]

👇Gyro x Reader x Johnny⭐️

Remember,I’m a mobile user so I can’t do read more breaks,I’m sorry for clogging your arteries dash!

(As you can see from above this all happens during the race!)

-It’s around the 1st month n a half (unless the race lasted less than a month idk I’m bad at time and don’t know much about SBR besides the characters and century ok) Johnny and Gyro are getting to know eachother a lot better,on the verge of becoming bfs actually! (Or are already bfs you decide)

-So theyre traveling n stuff bla bla to get to the next waypoint (or corpse part idk if there’s waypoints) but then gyro realized he dropped his teddy bear at some point! Oh no! (Bare with me I need plot)

-Johnny: Gyro Cmon man we can get a new on—

Gyro:

-Gyro gives up and now he’s moping and sad and moping

-Johnny misses his happy bf :(

-Some where while they’re still on their horses and walking down some road in an old county of fuck all where tf are we—

-They see another racer! Just resting with their horse,feeding it apples,vibin’

-But then! Gyro sees something! His teddy!

-You’d expect Gyro to be aggressive but— no???? What??? Who is this???

-Since you’re smaller than him (let’s be honest he’s probably like 7’5) he decides he could probably just nicely ask for it and be done!

-He asks you for it,you hesitate to answer cuz you’re here contemplating how fucking long he is + you’re busy with a task rn,this tall spaghetti hair bitch moves on to plan B, beg for it like a fucking baby—

-Whether he does it sugar baby flirtatiously or just decides to be annoying or kind of disturbing is completely up to you here!

-You give him the teddy and he’s like “Thank you so much! I could kiss you right now! Of course only if you’d allow that!”

-You didn’t mean to say it,honest to god,but it rolled off the tongue cuz your knee jerk reaction when someone ends something with ‘if you’d allow it’ is to say ‘Sure’

-So,no hesitation,directly on your cheek,way too close to your lips,

*smoooch~*

-it was overly loud too so anyone within 2 ft of you heard that,luckily this county had a small population of like 34 people

-Johnny’s just like “dood that’s my bf”

-Gyro’s just like “Oh Johnny I’m not cheating on you! Kisses are purely platonic if it’s not on the lips!”

-these weren’t their exact words that’s just basically how it went I’m bad at wording

-Johnny: >:T

Gyro: Hey btw wanna ride w/ us?

You: .....uuuuuh s-sure,I guess?

-You ride along,get to know eachother,next thing you know out of the fuckin blue while you guys are at like a diner or something,

-Gyro: So me an Johnny are dating already,we talked over night while you were asleep...

You: Okaaaay...

Gyro: So we’d like to aaaaask :).... Would you like to be in a polyamory relationship with us?

You:

Gyro:

You: K.

-So now you’re all poly and Johnny feels like a 3rd wheel but you do too so Gyro has a lot on his shoulders

(Here comes the not so story based fluff!)

-Cuddling! Lots of it! Mostly from Gyro cuz let’s be honest,This guy’s made of love.

-You’re usually in his lap and his head is usually on top of yours,Arms wrapped around you like you’re the teddy (let’s face it you pretty much are here)

-If you’re one of those people who forget to eat or don’t eat much (self indulgence cuz this ones a part of me—) he won’t hesitate to sit in front of you,fork and plate in hand,and feed you himself

-“Say aaaah” “Gyro I can eat on my own” “well clearly you have trouble since you haven’t been eating much!”

-Please let him serenade you! You’d be surprised at how well he can sing 😳

-Now for Johnny’s side!

-You’d be suprised at how ok he is with pda

-Of course he’s not all in it but it’s alright 👌

-You will hold him,Whether you like it or not you end up caving in and holding him (Only when your sitting down tho,he’s heavier than you)

-Johnny’s kisses are kisses from heaven in all honesty,Same goes for Gyro!

-Sometimes when you’re focusing on something they sneak up (well I guess maybe not Johnny since you hear his wheelchair) and kiss you on both cheeks,Left one’s for Gyro,Right one’s for Johnny

-If anyone fucks with you catch Johnny getting out his wheelchair and fucking yeeting it directly at their face,He doesn’t think ok?

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you liked these! I tried I swear idk why I got so un-creative at the near end

so i heard you write hcs for jojo what about poly johnny x reader x gyro fluff hcs? !they met in the race- thanks in advance!

OH THIS IS MY SHIT BOI FUCK YEAH POLY—- *cough cough* I mean...yeah sure,I’d love to write these! Should be written by sometime later like tonight! I’ll reblog this once they’re out

[the-last-centurion]

Honestly not worth your time reading, just talking to myself here.

I realized I haven’t posted the conclusion of my magical date week, nor have I updated about what happened after I left for school. So imma give a run-down of that week and now.  One more reminder that these posts are purely for me to look back on; I don’t mind others reading but know that I’m tailoring this post (and all posts in this tag) for future me. Also this week was perfect so I’m writing down as many details as I can remember.

Last time I posted I had just gone on my first date to the zoo on Monday. The next morning I drove him to work cuz it was on my way to my friend’s house and his car was in the shop. On the way there, he grabbed my hand, kissed it, and out of the blue said “Last night I had my first dream in years.” I died.

The next day we went to Filoli Gardens, then got lunch by that bookstore in Palo Alto, and went back to my house to watch more movies. We watched one all the way through, then tried to watch Anastasia, but started making out and put the movie on an indefinite hold while we meandered into my bedroom. He was generous to me, but before I could return the favor we heard the door open so we quickly made ourselves decent. I walked out of my room, but right as I opened my door I heard the front door shut and lock.... sorry Dad. Then I realized I was late for babysitting so I rushed him home and ran over to pick up the kid. We never finished Anastasia. 

I didn’t see him Thursday, and Friday we went to Pier 39, got lunch at a pizza place overlooking the water, went in an infinity mirror maze, and I took him to Mitchell’s Ice Cream on the way home. That day was when we started realizing that we seemed to have a lot of luck when we were together. There was never any traffic, and on the way to Mitchell’s I was like “There is never any parking here, we’ll probably have to drive around for 30 mins looking for a spot.” Lo and behold there was a spot open literally right in front of the store. “There’s always a huge line for ice cream, we have to take a number,” I said. But alas there were only like 5 people ahead of us, so the wait was very short (and we sat on a bench and kinda like publically-oriented cuddled while we waited). Then, we got our ice cream and were waiting to pay but nobody every helped us, until a guy comes up to us and says “I think they had me pay for yours too, enjoy!” We tried to pay him back but he just said have a wonderful day and left. We ended up joking that all this luck was due to the necklace he was wearing, and he wore it every day after that. On the car ride home we talked about our romantic histories and got everything out in the open, which was really nice. Then we watched Lilo and Stitch (he kept doing his really good Stitch impersonation), and then Prince of Egypt. Between movies we walked down to the Chinese place near my house and got takeout, and made rice at home cuz we forgot rice. It was so nice just cuddling up with him and watching movies :)

Saturday it was 5 billion degrees outside, so he came over later in the day and he taught me how to play Civ. We were going to go to a drive-in movie (hence the late start to the day), but we decided it was too hot so we went to the old Stanford Theater instead and saw Casablanca. Before that we got dinner at Asian Box, and then gelato at my favorite gelato place in Palo Alto. After the movie we went back to my dad’s house and played more Civ until late in my bunk bed, and that turned into doing other things quietly so as to not wake my dad in the other room (lol). 

Sunday I got lunch with my dad first, and then picked up Koren for the drive-in movie. We stopped by my dad’s to pick up lawn chairs, then got take-out Korean BBQ in RWC before going to Safeway for snacks and finally driving down. We were running a bit late, but, keeping with our good luck, there was no traffic on the way, very little line going in, and it happened to be free movie day so the double-feature was completely free. Also, the night before that we were originally going to go to had kinda shitty movies, but this night happened to be a double-feature of Spider-Man Homecoming and Guardians of the Galaxy 2. We found a fantastic spot, ate our dinner in the car, and put our lawn chairs out for the movie. Again our luck held as we happened to park right in front of a car with loud external speakers, so they played the audio for us to hear so we didn’t have to use my car’s stereo. During the movie we put our lawn chairs next to each other and held hands. After the first movie, we packed up the chairs and moved my seats forward so we could sit in the back seat together. We kissed a bit and I ended up cuddling with him the whole movie, sometimes just laying on his lap and we would stare at each other instead of watching the movie. It was really nice, but a little sad knowing that the next day was our last. 

Monday I picked him up around 10:30 (the usual time for us), and this time we went to my dad’s house for a little bit, and then went to my mom’s. We played Civ for a bit, and then went into my sister’s room and slightly attempted to have sex but neither of us knew what we were doing so we ended up not. We chose that time to talk about the future, and decided to keep talking but not be official cuz long-distance. We went back out into the living room and played Civ as we waited for my mom to come back from work at 5, but then it became 7 and she still wasn’t home so we stopped thinking she was coming home anytime soon. We cuddled for awhile on the couch first, then got handsy, and then I started giving him head but we were both still kinda unsure about when my mom was coming home, and of course then we hear the door unlock so we quickly cover up, he throws my bra under a pillow, and my mom comes in probably knowing she walked in on something but with no evidence so that’s something at least haha. She needed help getting a big thing of dog food out of the car, so he went and helped her while I ran into the bathroom and put my bra back on, hoping she didn’t notice. Then we all had dinner together pretending like nothing happened hahaha. After dinner we went to my dad’s for me to pack for leaving the next day, and I drove him home. To procrastinate leaving, we drove around looking for an open McDonald’s for ice cream, and the only one we found had a ton of police out front so we ended up getting a milkshake somewhere else. We sat and ate and talked in a Target parking lot, then I finally drove him home. As we were saying goodbye, he said he has something for me and he’ll be right back and that he’s leaving his back as insurance. He came back, said some nice stuff to me, and grabbed my hand and put something inside of it. I opened my hand and it was the poop emoji I kept trying to steal when we first started flirting at camp. We kissed each other goodbye and I drove home crying (first time crying over a boy woo). 

Since then, we’ve been talking pretty much every day. We don’t have too exciting of text conversations, but we Skype every so often and play Civ against each other. It’s been getting to the point where I’m almost always the one to start the text conversations, but I’m trying to not look too much into that and just let whatever happens happen. I’m coming home for a football game at Stanford in November, and he said he’d try to visit that weekend. Idk, I know this is dumb cuz we’re so long-distance, didn’t really date for a decent amount of time, and even when I’m home he still lives 3 hours away, but hey I like talking to him so I’m just gonna keep it up. Plus having brief text conversations every day or two takes very little effort, and there’s nobody else I’d possibly date, so I don’t feel like I’m making any sacrifice. I know he likes me a lot (or at least he used to), but I’m still slightly insecure that now that we’re not with each other all the time he’s getting bored of me. Granted the only reason I have this fear is cuz he usually doesn’t text first, but I also know he has this fear too even when I constantly reassure him I like talking to him, so I’m not too worried. And whenever we do Skype or whatever he seems to like talking to me. Idk, I’m trying to put as little pressure on this as possible and be happy wherever it goes. He always says he loves how “chill” me and my family are, since his family is so not, so I think he probably still overthinks everything. Oh well, live and let live. 

[doctormelapples]

call me pure sugar cuz I want every dessert

cherry turnover: who do you live with?

I live with my little sister, my mom and her girlfriend. I also occasionally live with my dad and his wife and their unborn child. Can’t forget about my dogs, maddie, ari, sherman.

bananas foster: do you believe in soulmates?

Here’s the thing, I love a good soulmate au, ( and if anyone wants to link or tag me in some i will be more than happy with that), but besides that I don’t really know if there is one person who will like, be perfect for you for the whole of your life or something like that. I feel like whether or not you decide to fill your life with people everything that surrounds you affects you to make you the person who you are when you die. So different people and different things are perfect for you at different times. So I guess not, I guess I don’t believe that there is someone you are destined for or whatever.

glazed donut: would you rather visit a zoo or an aquarium?

Ooooooh, I love Zoos but I don’t often go to aquariums. I think probably Zoo, because you can make a whole outside day out of it. Get sandwiches, then ice cream, and take walks around the zoo. It sounds nice.

pumpkin pie: what were your interests as a child?

Erm, books. I had 700+ points in the AR reading program like every year at school. The only bitch that got more than me was brandon and it was only because he cheated and read during math time in elementary.

lemon tart: how many languages can you speak?

I know like at least 15 words of spanish. And English is my first language.

chocolate mousse: how is your relationship with your parents?

Pretty good. I’m pretty open about stuff with my Mom, and she is where I get all my advice. Relatively close with my dad, but him being Quite christian kinda puts a wrench on our bonding moments where I share everything about my life with him.

creme brûlée: describe your style

What’s clean? okay good that works. mostly. I like faded colors and monochrome colors with pops of color. Like I wore my black skirt with a black and white shirt and my hot pink cons the other day.

cheesecake: have you ever visited a sex shop?

nope but i’ve visited the parking lot of one once

raspberry sorbet: favorite clothing stores?

I like thrifting. Romwe.com but i can rarely find things that fit u kinda got search. levi’s, charlotte russe, express is great but honestly I get all my clothes online and like on amazon and stuff.

green tea ice cream: who was your first crush?

My First crush? Like the kid in 1st grade who sat next to me in class and dropped his pen all the time? or like the kid in 6th grade who was the first person in my life to know my mom was gay and didn’t care?

chocolate chip cookie: how has your life changed over the past year?

wholy shite. I’m going into senior year, I’ve practically discovered a passion in the past year. I’ve lost and made and lost friends again. I’m still unreasonably sad.

berry trifle: first and last concert you went to?

The first concert I went to was a jazz concert that my friends and I probably broke into, it was a street concert and it was LIT. That was when I still lived in the city. The most recent concert that i went to was (wow dang okay, time isnt real, i can’t remember if I went to the 5 seconds of summer last or if it was tatinof cuz apparently that counts as a concert.) Let’s go with the 5 seconds of summer concert. It was great, I bought so much merch and one ok rock and hey violet were there and it was lit but like I dont really listen to them anymore so

tapioca pudding: favorite animated characters?

Nagisa from Assassination Classroom. Joe from Jack and the cuckoo clock heart. The twins from Ouran high school host club. Tiana from the princess and the frog

fudge brownie: do you like your name?

Yeah, Lila has always kinda had a magical feel to it, which is a little weird to be saying about my own name, but like as a kid I was super into fairies and old myths and legends, and so I’d always write myself little stories about me being a fairy

strawberry shortcake: are you good at keeping secrets?

Wowie boy o boy am i good at keeping secrets

tiramisu: are you daring when it comes to makeup and clothing or do you like to play it safe?

I like to think I’m daring, but not so much. I do love doing makeup, and I love dressing up but I wouldn’t use daring.

oreo milkshake: do you sleep a lot?

heckaboye do I. 

apple crisp: how do you relax?

I do not. 

erm it depends on what I’m relaxing from. Like, If I’m just stressed, make spicy tea or hot chocolate, get a softie book I’ve read before and know it’s good, like sorcerers stone, the girl who circumnavigated fairyland in a ship of her own making, one of those books from when I was younger that was just enjoyable, you know? chill in my bed with my back against the wall and the comforter all up and around me and read. If I’m like angry, or sad/mad at something or someone, I really just lay spread eagle on my floor put headphones in and like play sempiternal, bmth, like top volume on repeat. 

carrot cake: who is your celeb look alike?

Idk, haven’t met them yet

macaron: what is your ethnicity?

My dad’s side of the family is from finland, probably, but on my mom’s side I have no idea, but generally black.

cinnamon bun: favorite salty snack?

pretzels, but I don’t really like salty foods.

red velvet cupcake: ask any question of your own

well, im not really sure what you wanna do here but if you send me a question, i’ll answer it, probably.

[winterscribe]

That Vampire Hunter D thing I’ll eventually write coherently

So now that I’ve FINALLY found the Vampire Hunter D Fandom I’m working up the courage to share some of my headcanons (my stupid anxiety makes it irrationally hard) The problem is a lot of my headcanons require at least basic knowledge of the fantasy world that I started when I was 14?Ish? And the Ocs I created. Like I decided to yank D out of his post-apocalyptic hell world and put him into this peaceful world populated by non-assholes, or in some cases, slightly less homicidal assholes… ok the number of assholes is much less than on the frontier, and even the homicidal ones usually need a good reason to be homicidal. None of this “I’m gonna experiment on thousands of individuals and put my son through a living hell for shits and giggles” - LOOKING AT YOU DRAC, LOOKING AT YOU!  

Anyway it’s really long and rambly so READ MORE-

Anyway I’m gonna make a series of posts explaining the basics, who’s who, How D got there, basic worldbuilding, that kinda thing. I’ll go through and link ‘em as I finish them. And I’ll make a masterpost because there are a few tags on my blog about the world and D’s family.

Now, since this world was started when I was 14 there are some things that are a little...odd. Names that Stuck and I can’t change because I’ve been calling it that for over 5 years, plot lines that involve characters from a different franchise but i haven’t figured out how to replace. Seriously I have GOT to figure out how to replace Fucking LOKI. FFS I haven’t liked that character for 2 years WHY is he STUCK THERE

I’m currently worldbuilding and planning a few novel’s based on Avaleara’s life, but the first 2 would be before she met D so I don’t think anyone would be interested. I’m gonna write certain scenes though, like Avaleara and D’s first kiss, the emotionally overwrought scenes that bring them together, stuff like that. But hey, if you like really overthought worldbuilding and sprawling sci fi/fantasy worlds, lord knows i could talk about Rev’haros for hours, so feel free to hit me up.

Story

D’s Part of the story line starts when Avaleara was punted through the barrier between universes by her uncle’s failed experiment and ended up on the frontier. By sheer happenstance, she landed right in front of D, who pretty much ignored her because she wasn’t trying to kill him and he needed to get to a job. Avaleara decided “Hey, there’s a fifty fifty shot he’s heading towards civilization, Im’ma follow at a respectful distance” Now, while Avaleara is decidedly Alien in appearance (aprx 6 ft tall, really dark purple skin, has horns, bio-luminescent markings, ALIEN) she has interacted with humans before, has even been to an Earth before, (Multiverse ftw) she has a pretty solid glamour already prepared, so while D knows what she looks like cuz he saw her, she can blend in on the frontier.

Except yah’ know, she doesn’t speak the language cuz the only Earth languages she knows are Japanese or English from circa 2000. Her trying to figure out the frontier dialect is like someone who speaks old English plopped down in the middle of modern day- She can sorta kinda figure out the gist but dear god is it difficult and makes her headache. On top of that since she comes into town a few hours after a Dhampir, well people don’t want shit to do with her, so she keeps vaguely wandering after D. I haven’t figured out the turning point yet, but eventually D interacts with this strange woman trailing aimlessly after him even as he cuts through an incredibly deadly forest and other such frontier horror ‘scapes that should have gotten her killed but didn’t. Because it’s D, he has a better grasp on “ancient” Japanese (Also I headcanon that his mother was of Japanese descent because Tony Thornburg) So they can communicate better.

Eventually they sorta travel together (Again I need to flesh this out) for a few years. About a decade of sorta traveling together (though niether of them will admit it, and certainly won’t admit that they enjoy eachother’s company) Dracula decides to be an asshole. For Hand Wavy reasons he comes up with a test for D and Left hand, that involves poisoning D. (IDK i’m kinda toying with the idea that Dracula had another success that was better than D, and decided to get rid of him, buuuut that would mean another character and i think it really goes against canon so idk if i’m gonna go that route)

The thing about Avaleara is that she is really possessive (part dragon) and fiercely protective of those she’s attached to. So Drac didn’t count on being hit with 900 pounds of sheer protective RAGE. Seriously Avaleara is the kind of person who, if she has something to protect, she will get back up no matter what she gets hit with. Spear through the heart? Bitch please she has two and you just handed her a weapon. Cut off an Arm? Regenerative powers and a history of being tortured so she doesn’t even flinch at the pain? Fire? She’s been burned alive before and it awakened her latent dragon genes. Water? She was born with an innate gift for controlling it. (so i kinda gave her every power I ever thought was cool, oops. HI MARY SUE)

She doesn’t kick Drac’s ass, but she does seriously wound him which is enough to startle him and, since he’s already accomplished poisoning D, he retreats, firing off a psychological attack as he goes. At that point Avaleara has one of two options. Use the last of her strength to fight off the attack, or draw the poison from D into herself (I had a reason for this but it's in a notebook buried in a box somewhere. God I hate moving) Another thing about Avaleara- if it's a choice between saving her life and saving someone else's, she will save someone else's. Every. Time.

So She saves D’s life, but falls into a coma fighting both the poison and Drac’s attack. At this point, her father, Maruketsukai (there’s one of those names I can’t change) appears, because her family had been keeping an eye on her but hadn’t pulled her back home cuz reasons. D does not trust the guy that appeared in midair. D owes Avaleara a debt because she saved his life. D also wants to know how the fuck she managed to wound the Sacred Ancestor. D is a stubborn bastard who will recklessly enter a portal to another universe because he owes someone a debt. He will also stand guard at their bedside for 5 years while they are in a coma because they saved his life.

(I think this is still in character- I mean he wouldn’t do it for just anyone, but shit this person fought Dracula and lived. For Him. yeah he’s gonna stick around and make sure they’re safe before he fucks off.)

His protectiveness earns him the undying loyalty of Avaleara’s family. Like, he’s obviously straight up ready to cut his way out of the room if they so much as breathe wrong in her direction. Ordinarily death threats aren’t the way to endear yourself to your in laws but Maruketsukai and Nikara are… not ordinary.

During the 5 years that Avaleara is in a coma, D learns a lot about her world, her family, and her past. Like the fact that she’s second in line for the throne, and that a previous lover had betrayed, kidnapped, and tortured her and that she had extreme PTSD and massive trust issues because of it. That’s why they had left her on the frontier, because for the first time in two thousand years, Avaleara had sorta trusted someone, or at least, didn’t seem overly paranoid about them, and they wanted to see what would happen.

D spends a lot of time with Takashi and Mizuki, because they speak Japanese. Takashi is the son of Sesshoumaru and Kagome. (Yes from the anime Inuyasha. I did mention this started when I was 14 right?) That’s why he speaks Japanese. Also He drags Avaleara and Mizuki to Earth occasionally which is why Avaleara has a human glamor. Its interesting for D to meet another half breed who is so blase about it, but Takashi grew up in  La’ Shevare, where genetic modification for the express purpose of interspecies breeding has been a thing for several million years. Pretty much no one is a pure blood. But since he’s also the nephew of Inuyasha and has listened to his father express his regret over how he treated his brother, he at least partially understands where D is coming from. Sorta. Academically. Ok not really but he tries. And totally has a talk shit get hit policy when it comes to D. Like call Takashi a half breed, make fun of his heritage, whatever, so long as you don’t make fun of his parents, he don’t give a fuck. Call D a half breed, make fun of D’s heritage, prepare for at least 3 broken bones. Probably more. Seriously. He’s 45 years older than Avaleara, held her in his arms as a baby, grew up with her and fell in love with her sister. She’s Family.  He was helpless when the man she loved broke her and twisted her into someone else, was helpless during her recovery because she wouldn’t let anyone in to help her. The moment D popped up, planting himself between Avaleara and any perceived threat, was the moment he became Pack. And you Do Not Fuck With a Dog Demon’s Pack.

Eventually Avaleara wakes up, except thanks to the psycological attack, and her previous ptsd related issues, Avaleara first thinks D is a hallucination. It takes awhile for it to set in and stick that he’s not. D sticks around, convincing her that he’s real and she’s not going insane, and just being really patient when she freaks out and thinks she’s seeing things, because hey, it was his asshole dad who did this to her so he kinda feels responsible. Plus he’d still really like to know how she wounded him.

It boils down to - Avaleara has spent the last 2 thousand years studying a variety of fighting techniques from all over the Rev’ Haros System, a system whose recent history spans back a few million years. D may know all the fancy vampire tricks, but 10,000 years is a drop in the bucket, a single lifespan of a person from Rev’ Haros. The whole system is so much more advanced than even the vampires at their peak, just because they’ve had the time to develop so far. The average person could go toe to toe with greater nobility if they had to, nevermind the people who are actually trained. Not to mention their fighting styles are so different, so alien to anything on Earth, that Dracula was at a significant disadvantage from that alone.

Avaleara happily agrees to train D in some of these styles. He doesn’t plan on sticking around long enough to learn them all. But he does, and she happily teaches him everything she knows until he is literally the only person who has a prayer of killing her. Shes very proud. Their sparring matches are epic and terrifying.

[hemsworths-chris]

tag games galore

heyo! i’ve been tagged in a shitload of tag games recently, but i haven’t had time for them. well, i’ve got some time on my hands now, so let’s go! 

NUMBER ONE: we rowed out across the hudson at dawn - shut up, sandhya

anyways, tagged by the lovely @gabrielledelacour​; thanks, love!

5 things you’ll find in my bag (wait what kind of bag is this)

my phone, and its accessories (adapter, earbuds etc)

a book (i dunno how large this bag is but)

lip balm

a pencil (or probably way too much stationary)

um shit i dunno i don’t usually carry handbags and stuff

5 things in my bedroom

books

books

MORE BOOKS

posters and shit

just school related stuff

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in my life

WRITE A NOVEL

discover something new!

make people proud

literally just have an unproblematic group of friends

find something to be passionate about :)

5 things that make me happy

amazing additions to tumblr posts in the tags

being with my friends

debating

listening to music (atm, preferably hamilton)

writing and reading incredible things!

5 things that I’m currently into

hamilton

harry potter

tumblr

actually studying for the amc 10 (kinda)

playing the viola!

5 things on my to-do list

learn html and/or calligraphy

study for literature

make new friends!

write up this fic i’ve had running through my mind for god knows how long

stay away from toxic people tbh

5 things you may not know about me

i type abnormally quickly

i can raise one eyebrow at a time

i will take algebra over geometry and chem/physics over bio any day of the week

my favorite youtube channels are vlogbrothers and lssc!

i do my a’s like “a”, rather that the more typical one that’s an oval with the line by it 

that was fun! next one: tagged by @ginnweasley​, @gentleginny, @oblviqte, @pomonasprowt, @ohremvs, and @peterpettiness; thanks!

RULES: you can tell a lot about a person by the music they listen to. put your music on shuffle, and list the first 10 songs and tag 10 people.

right off the bat: for the most part, i listen to hamilton these days, but i’ll be shuffling it from my personal playlist.

1. Lock Me Up - The Cab

2. Centuries - Fall Out Boy

3. I’m So Sorry - Imagine Dragons 

4. Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

5. All I Want - Kodaline

6. Absolutely Final Goodbye - Christina Grimmie 

7. This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race - Fall Out Boy

8. Politiclash - PAINT (Jon Cozart)

9. Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey

10. Riptide - Vance Joy

and also, some song recs! all the ones listed, and the following: literally everything by fall out boy, american money (BØRNS), electric love (also BØRNS), gasoline (halsey), cities (nat and alex wolff), in your pocket (maroon 5), maps (maroon 5), angel in blue jeans (train), boulevard of broken dreams (green day, of course), cake by the ocean (DNCE)

next! tagged by my favorite person in the universe, @bauqelaire - too good for this world, too pure.

1) last song you listened to: shit i don’t remember, probably something from hamilton

2) three shows on your watch list: sherlock, the late show with stephen colbert, maybe supernatural or supergirl or friends or something (i don’t watch much tv)

3) best concert you’ve ever been to: i mean i’ve only ever been to one, a katy perry concert in 5th grade with @hearing-from-my-lawyers and another friend. and while we’re being mainstream, it was pretty lit!

4) last person you hugged: probably my mom

5) favorite flower: orchid!

6) least favorite type of jewelry: anklets, i can’t stand them!

7) favorite band/singer: the cast of hamilton, fall out boy, BØRNS

8) if you could dye your hair any colour what would it be: my hair is black, so probably a shade of blue, or maybe green - any ideas? i probably won’t tho

9) greatest compliment you have ever received: i really don’t recall, sorry

10) if you had to choose 2 of your friends to live on an island with, who would they be: @hearing-from-my-lawyers and either the 1st speaker on my debate team, a certain rock (not dwayne lol), or @leonine13

11) you’re at a candle shop, what scented candle do you buy: prob vanilla cuz i’m basic

my questions: just do these, i don’t have time to think of more and they’re really good questions

here’s a long one! tagged by the amazing @boat-face-mcgee

rules: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you are done tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged you… and most importantly, have fun! 

a - age: 14


b - biggest fear: being unimportant, and bees

c - current time: 7:51 pm


d - drink you last had: water

e - every day starts with: waking up and wishing i could sleep longer


f - favourite song: wait for it, from hamilton (i think??? there are loads of songs that i love tbh)


g - ghosts, are they real: in a metaphorical sense, absolutely; in a real sense, i’ve seen no real proof for either side of the argument so i can’t judge


h - hometown: i’d rather not say, but it’s in Silicon Valley!


i - in love with: my family and friends :)

j - jealous of: basically everyone tbh, but esp people who seem to succeed at life and school easily; i mean, they put in effort, but it always works out for them!

k - killed someone: my innocence


l - last time you cried: this morning bc i’m pathetic


m - middle name: don’t have one


n - number of siblings: zero

o - one wish: to get into a good high school; alternatively, for lin-manuel miranda to randomly decide to reprise his role of alexander hamilton for the 8 pm performance of hamilton in sfo in late march (i can’t recall the date rip)

p - person you last called/texted: the best friend!

q - questions you’re always asked: are you in *insert some grade 2-3 grades higher than what i actually am*? bc i’m tall

r - reasons to smile: friends! sunshine! pandas! fluffy fanfics!

s - song last sang: idk


t - time you woke up: around 10:10 am

u - underwear color: ...blue...

w - worst habit: i bite my nails! it’s really bad but i just can’t stop!


x - x-rays you’ve had: 2, once when i broke my finger and once when i broke my toe

y - your favourite quote: “It is a far, far better thing I do, than I have ever done ; it is a far, far better rest I go to than I have ever known.” -Sydney Carton (my problematic fave), A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens (that quote was listed by @boat-face-mcgee, but i love it too! i don’t really have a favorite, though, since are so many i love)

z - zodiac sign (but also myers-briggs) : Sagittarius, ENFP

next one: also tagged by @bauqelaire!

rules: tag nine people you want to get to know better

relationship status: single, thankfully

favorite color: turquoise or navy blue!

lipstick or chapstick: chapstick

last song i listened to: i dunno, sorry

last movie i watched: part of the first indiana jones movie, i think

top 3 tv shows: atla, lssc, basically anything on the food network 

top 3 characters: (just three??? what???) sirius black, remus lupin, aaron burr, and since i can’t follow rules, finnick odair, june iparis, and hermione granger

top 3 ships: j i l y, odesta, blackinnon

books i’m currently reading: hamlet for school, and the fbawtft screenplay!

for this next one, i was tagged by @pickettandnewt

1 Song : the room where it happens, from hamilton

2 Movies : fbawtft, and moana!

3 Shows : the late show with stephen colbert, atla, friends

4 People : i’ll just tag 4 of my fave tumblr users: @peppermintparvati, @fjrebolt, @emmelinevvance, @nargles (feat. @lumox!) (oh and also my irl friends: @hearing-from-my-lawyers, @emofandomgirl, @leonine13 and @aweami543)

5 Foods : boba, mozzarella sticks, asian eggplant, malai kofta (i could swim in the stuff tbh), paneer paratha

there are a few more that i’ve been tagged in, but i’ve tried not do anything that i’ve done before.

tagging: @chodear​, @nargles​, @grriphook​, @mxrcusflint​, @emmelinevvance​, @bauqelaire​, @fjrebolt​, @snuffls​, @hearing-from-my-lawyers​, @lumox​, @padampatil​, @cedricdiggory​, @dailyprophet​, @jilys​, @hogsmecd​, @gxnnyweasley​, @pctter​, @pcnsypcrkinson​, @winterblackburned​, @jamespottuh​, @softprongs​, @tragedys​, and anyone else who wants to do them! you can do as many or as few as you want; i love you all!

[kyandice]

14/02

It’s Valentine’s Day and before today i was in Malaysia for a few days and I could only think about the things i could buy for Bryan. Lmao I bought a bag of snacks and chocolates and I was extremely excited before giving it to Bryan. So yay when I got into his room and stuff he started eating those cheese sticks anyways I love their cheese. I forgot what brand that was but I swear that brand has the best cheese in the world. So Bryan also almost finished the box of cheese dips with me he wanted to save like a box for his sister, but well he told me that his sister didn’t like the cheese soooo boohoohoo maybe small kids have slightly different taste buds. So while I was in Malaysia I went to this store and well it was filled with anime stuff and idk kpop stuff. There was like a lot Pokémon stuff to so i decided to fill the Valentine’s Day bag that I’m giving Bryan filled with Pokémon stuff. I really forgot how much I spent on that shop but I bought a Pikachu plush 20-25cm I thinkkkkk I don’t rmbbb maybe smaller lolll. And I also got like a few tiny legendary Pokémon figures they aren’t like real legit figures but i thought it would be kinda cuteee. So I kinda made a box and put it in so it wouldn’t look that awkward scattered around in the bag. There was also this fake Lego Pokémon thing and I decided to buy it for him because it looked kinda cute I don’t think he kinda fixed it buttt :

 So we had decided to Skype each other. Well apparently it’s 15/02 but like I haven’t slept so it’s counted as 14/02. And yea. Around 12am Bryan asked me to do something that I just didn’t want to do so he became angry and I became angry. And then Bryan suddenly cut and ended the call on me so I got angry and I told him that other guys wouldn’t treat me like that. I mean I don’t get angry fast, but when I do I go all destructive I’ll get insensitive to other people’s feelings and I will do anything just to make that person feel down. Also when I get angry, I don’t get angry easily and instead I’ll get angry because it was a built up thing or something. So after he cut the call with me i got angry and then I texted him saying like insensitive stuff to him. 

 But then after I said all those angry stuff to him he said I broke his heart and he said he was the worst boyfriend ever and I started breaking down and started crying. So I realized I was angry and I didn’t mean everything I said but then when it tried to call him again he didn’t pick up. I guess I’m a bitch when I’m angry tbh I don’t deserve anyone. i become mean and I’m a pure asshole when I’m angry I just want to put people down to feel better about myself I’m such a coward

 Edit: this Lego Pokémon thing would prolly be his first Lego toy after like yearssss

 15/02

So I woke up worried and like legit I woke up with my heart thumping real fast cuz I was really worried about Bryan because of ystd night. So apparently I woke up late and by the time I reached Macpherson Mrt, Bryan was already there and then I started tearing up a little cuz I thought he was still upset with me. and well guess what he had a paper bag on his hands and he passed it to me and he said Happy late valentine’s day. Then I started crying.

Like I would always make sure he tells me when he’s back from home so I wouldn’t be so worried about him. And well he told me he was back home, but like actually he lied to me and he went all the way just to shop shoes for my Valentine’s day gift. First of all, I was so touched and like cuz he said that ystd night on skype was a prank and then I felt so bad for saying all the bad stuff to him. so I became like fuckingg guilty and i cried more.

(p.s. we promised each other not to get each other gifts for Valentine’s day cuz it was exam period and I didn’t want him or me to spend time for each other choosing our gifts rather than studying. but like since I was in msia, I might as well buy for Bryan stuff since I wasn’t even studying so like, might as well. but Bryan bought it when he could spend that time studyingggg.)

Anyways I appreciate that a lot and omg I was extremelyy happy and surprised also when he gave it to me. Like, I didn’t even expect ittt. I didn’t even expect any gift since like we also made a compromise not to give each other gifts but oh wellll

 So when we reached the sch library, I could finally see what Bryan bought for me. and to tbvvvvvh the first thing I was looking for was a card, and I was kinda disappointed that there wasn’t a card inside the bag. but when I opened the shoe box there was a card so I immediately brightened up :DDD and like I read the card at the same spot without putting it down like thrice before looking at the shoes. anyways the shoes are like damn nice. okay, i slept with the shoes I’m not even kidding I’m like so in love with my shoes I love black andd pastel pink so much it’s like two of my most favourite colours and it also has my name engraved on in istg the shoes are like so beautiful I cant stop looking at it even after I went back home. BUT THE SHOES ARE FUCKING $100+ LIEK WTF DUUUUDEEEE. FUCK HE CANT SPEND SO MUCH MONEY ON ME AGAIN. FUCK I FEEL DAMN BAD SIAAAAAA

 well after that, since it was still earlyy (arnd 9am?) we decide to just get out of sch library to like go his house againnn. Well we met Cindy on our way to the Mrt and what happened afterward was even funnier. Apparently when we came back we decided to join Cindy and the rest to study at the library, Cindy asked what we did while we were out we said we ate lunch but I forgot what Bryan said but he lied to Cindy, but cuz Cindy saw us outside the mrt she caught Bryan lying and lmao I legit facepalmed cuz hahahah we’re sorta exposed.

 so yeaaa we studied in the library with Cindy and I was studying math while Bryan was studying OC. he asked me a few questions about OC I tried to recall but then a few seconds later I had my hand flicked away again by Bryan.

like okay I’m happy he’s being straightforward with his feelings with me. like if he’s annoyed he’ll show it. AND I really like and appreciate that but sometimes he goes too harsh and I’m like urghhdskjhfldsajhfsdf

 Anyways Cindy and the rest decided to eat dinner and like I thought Bryan was still angry with me so I didn’t join them cuz like I want Bryan to enjoy his meal but oh well. instead of studying while they were eating I took out Bteh’s old phone and went on tinder I had 7 other Bryan matches anyway lmao. I also shopped online and there’s alot of things I want to buy after all my exams are over. and omggggg I want this softball keychain its damn cuteeee it’s like only $2+ with shipping blahblah but yaaaaaassss I wna get ittttt. But right, after that it was like 6:30pm and I have to go home cuz “curfew”. (my parents never mentioned anything like curfew but everytime i step home after7:30 pm I will be like scolded and tadaaaaa urghsdfnbsdf;kjf;kdf)

 16/02

I finally got my contact lensees. yayyyy I can finally wear them to training and I wouldn’t feel as insecure again. people also say that I look uglier without contacts on sooooooo,sighhhh. and sometimes Bryan would joke about me being ugly without contacts and that’s when I get insecure the most. also like at times, he would tell me about how he finds a certain girl pretty on ig and ill get insecure and jealous shit like wtf but yeah. but like, I appreciate he’s being honest too but I do get like sad and insecure when he talk abt how pretty other girls are. like Angeline okay omg I hate it the most when he talks abt fantasizing Angeline I hate that shit. like normally ill just be sad. but like Angeline, I get triggered whenever he talks abt her. but like again I appreciate and like his honesty, he tells me stuff but I also can’t help but feel insecure and sad tbh idk what I want lmao. maybe girls are confusing after all.

 17/02

Bryan started watching pewdiepie play undertale. he was kinda scared too but like I guess undertale is not as scary as five nights of Freddie’s but it tends to scare a person emotionally soooooo lol okay. I’ve asked Bryan to watch Flowey’s boss fight but he didn’t want to cuz he kinda didn’t want spoilers and like wanted to watch it in order. but oh well, in the end, he spent his money on undertale and he didn’t play the game apparently cuz he didn’t found it fun as he watched all the spoilers and now finding it boring with. I asked him to play geno but he also didn’t want to screw to game up. he wanted to start with pacific/neutral but he found it boring so sighhhhh.

 19/02

it was grading today I was vvvv nervousss. it is like legit my grading in 10years. And apparently now is non contact???? contact used to be allowed in sparring for gradings welllll. so I was huhhhh no head kick huhhh and also went like waitttt no contact???? Kim mdm heard me and she like snapped at me saying: yes laa u so long never grading meh? (well I wanted to talk back and said like welll it has been 10years since my last grading, but hahahaha no balls) no beef with kim mdm shes nice, im okay with her but I think she was triggered during that grading day. There was this girl, like I don’t personally know her (ig name aka beaticecwl??????) but she asked kim mdm smthing and idk what kim mdm snapped back but I saw this Beatrice mouthing wtf as she looked away lmaoo. still no beef with her tho I’m totally alright with her.

And then for grading, I made this mistake for my red belt pattern I screwed up like wtf omg I didn’t put my feet close tgt and that Indian judge/referee ( lmao idk what to call him) pointed out my mistake and I was like shittttttt.

after that, i had to sparr with this another girl and then sparr with RAPHAELLLL?????? I was like wtf what this fucking Indian guy doing. even it is like a non contact thing its like wtfff still unfairrr. also after i was done with the whole thing, everyone told me like that indian guy kept looking at me. so much so that he missed joseph doing some fancy kick, i forgot what kick he did but lmao that Indian guy, fking black face, like this means two ways but hahahaha ok.

After grading i just went to bishan library to study with him. it was like a vvv nice library okay next time i wna study with Bryan there.

 20/02

exams are tmr and I know no matter how much I study now, I still will fail lmaoooo sighhhhh. But anyways Bryan and I ended upp shopping at bishan and welppppp we bought lego characters tgttt yayyy. the lego store was like closing down so it had sales .and omg lego characs are fucking cute I cannot I want more of them but what is money :’)

Edit: so our first lego charcater we got tgt was supergirl and superman heheheeeee

 21/02

The first thing I woke up was to remember that it was Justin’s birthday. although like we don’t even talk anymore and I also can’t ignore the fact that Justin hates me,but I still rmb the days when he was a vvvvv good friend of mine and I guess i really appreciated him sooo :’) i wished him hbdae and like well, he didn’t even want a convo with me he just replied: errr okay thanks. oh wellll.

well so im officially done with math exam, i didnt do well i guess, but i couldnt say i did bad either,i did mehhhh, maybe a fail or a boderline pass. idk lmao i hope i pass for math :)))

Also today I saw Xavier in nyp at first I was kinda excited seeing an old classmate so i rushed in and called his name and said hi before even thinking. well i wasat least expecting a fake smile and a hi, but instead he just turned around, saw me, and went like, “oh, ewwww?”. and then at that moment Bryan was also there and i feel so bad like idc if I’m exaggerating but like I felt ugly immediately like wtf Xavier is a piece of shit i wish that he would die lmao. he’s a fucked up fuckboy like wtf he dumped his ex for another girl in poly Xavier should die. so anyways after he said likee “ewwww” I’ve never felt so ugly in my life before like tbh i want to cover my face and just dig a hole and cry in the toilet. im like insecure and the way he Xavier replied me; I just wanted to kill him. i got fucking angry while im feeling also fucking lousy about myself. I wanted to like run to xavier and smack his girlfriend although she did nothing then punch the hell out of xavier. but lmao i have no balls and I rmbered that xavier is some muay thai champion somewhere lmao idc and he has a lot of yaknoooowww friends so i shouldn’t like mess with him and stuff. but at my end ,i was like near to my tears and fuck ive never hated Xavier this much before like what did I seriously do to Xavier back in sec sch.

like back in sec sch, at a point of time when all the boys were making fun of me and stuff I was a little disappointed and upset that Geralyn was still talking and having fun with those boys. like esp Xavier and Christopher. like tbvvvvh i just stopped hanging out with them for awhile cuz like everyone found christopher cute and goodlooking, and chrisopther was making fun of me and stuff.

okay, I’ve never talked about this before and I really don’t want to but I guess I should like just say it. so it was Christopher who started making fun of me. I never knew why but I guess because I dated his brother K and well. maybe they both salty so they want to make my life a living hell. and at first, everyone else was okay with me. and Christopher, being a goodlooking guy, he became popular and well more guy wanted to like click and hang out with him. so to gain more attention Christopher decided to make fun of me more so he can bring me down and make himself look better. and also dianwei, he never had any friends so he had to also make fun of me so he could click with Christopher. I seriously don’t blame them, like they did this to survive school LMAO I BLAME THEM THEY CAN JUST DIE LMAO UNTIL NOW I HOLD GRUDGES. I WAS LITERALLY BULLIED LOL I DONT WANT TO SAY ‘BULLY’ CUZ LIKE FUCK IM SO ANGRY TYPING THIS RN. but yea after the end of sec 4 I just finally asked jashap and euan like: why do the guys in class hate me so much, what did I ever do to them and why are they just so mean to me. Then jashap and euan said like: “ is not I say one ah, the rest of the guys said that they don’t like you cuz you think you cute, but I think it’s a bullshit excuse la. you sometimes think you cute but I think Geralyn worse ley. I only think you cocky in sports but that’s all right cuz you’re really good and I understand if you get a little cocky.” and I srsly think it’s a bullshit excuse also.

I just feel insecure la. like if this wouldn’t happen in sec sch I wouldn’t be so insecure I will be like fucking confident, ill know my worth welllll i know I’m just decent looking i mean like seriously i dont wna tell myself otherwise but i tend to tell myself that im ugly and stuff. nvm i dont even understand myself rn. anyways even when Dianwei, xavier and christopher were making fun of me geralyn,wuli and emilyn always seemed to have fun with those boys and they always hangout and im always felt left out. cuz if i try to like join them christopher ,D and X will always like: eh, can ask her go away. fuck them even after i go away they W,G&E will still talk with the boys and im like nvm.

 And then everytime i try to tell geralyn how i feel, like: eh geralyn im sad and blahblahblah, then she would like brush it off and reply things like: its okay laaa. and ill be like (in my brain: WHAT DO U MEAN ITS OKAY LOLLL) Ookay i cant blame gerlayn. Shes pretty, everyone wants to hangout with her, be her friend. all the guys wants to talk with her and stuff. so i cant really blame her when she has to choose sides like me or the guys. and i know geralyn is a nice girl and she wont just give up on one side. She will like try to make continue being friends with both side. and i think this would one day bring Geralyn to her downfall. Like for geralyn, she must stop being so nice and seriously choose a side she thinks benefit her. she cannot choose 2 conflicting sides and make freinds with both like its really difficult to to see each other fight while youre friends with both. even if history were to repeat again, i would want geralyn to pick a side. even she would stop being friends with me i rather have it that way then she try to be friends with 2 conflicting side. i would understand geralyn if she didnt pick me and i wouldnt blame her, really.

  23/2

Today is Tammy’s bdae and shes also a vvv good friend. well we dont talk much anymore. but we used to click with each other since she was into horoscopes, anime and welllllll same stuff as meeee???

well bryan and i also decided to study today at bishan library and instead we went shopping again like omg istg we have the worst self control ever. we decided to just watch the SAO movie, the ordinal scale one. Anyways we went to that lego shop on sale again before the movie started and i bought batgirl and batman, bryan bought batman, joker & a box of nexo knights lego set. lmao istg bryan is still like a cute little kid. you should see his face when he fixes legos its just so cute lmaoooo. right now i just want to collect alot of lego characters omgggg welpppppp

after i went home,i tried studying for cep but lmao, i was alr in like holiday mood and like even if i studied it wouldn't srsly help la.

Anyways about the sao movie it was nice like i had feels but much of it was like confusing and lmao idk but yeah it was nice but lol kirito jesus-kun againnn. I wanted to watch sao with Tammy’ for her bdae but like fuck i damn lazy and tbvh i dont want to spend time with people who are no longer close to me. like i see no reason to like hangout with them. its awkward even after yall talk out of 'how’s life been’ and its just awkward so mehhhh. like if it’s yile or wuli or geralyn, its okay and it wouldnt be as awkward. i mean, i think im awkward to like almost everyone like, i cant keep the conversation going i have nothing to say and most of the times i dont initiate the conversation and it feels like i didnt put in the effort to like talk to them but sigh oh weeeeellllsss.

(but i really studied because bryan motivated me but like i accidentaly slept at 2am. siannnn faail laaaaa

lmao repeat sem alrrrr sighurghslfdkjhfdsakf)

anyways my father is like listening to some chinese songs now like i dont understand the lyrics but the song is like so nice and touching i feel like crying

24/2

Today is like cep exam and duh i wasnt even alittle bit ready. so lmao i just did 3 conversion questions and i decided that im done with the paper. i cant even confirm that my conversions will be crrt but i was ready to fail this anyways sighhhh. i left the exam hall after an hour and went to the toilet and poo-ed. and while poo-ing i had a message from Wuli that she wanted to meet me. so yay, we met up and she passed me some care pakage thing (the pakaging was like srsly cute) so after that i walked home tgt with wuli then i walked back to the mrt to meet Bryan. And wtf it was raining heavily fuckkkkk and i couldnt go back home to take my umbrealla cuz my fking maid was at home urghas;fh;dsaf. well so i met up with Bteh to study (apparently to study) but we went to dhoby to weeb it out. Bryan got me that sonic charcater gacha from one punch man and omg its so cute. I love bteh so much like hes the sweetest thing ever (wheres that crying emoji)

anyways, i had my whatsapp updated,REGRETSSSSSS. wa is like more laggy now on my stupid xiaomi phone with all the whatsapp story and shit wtf. why everyone copy snapchat fucking lame siaaaaa.

and peeepoooo :(((((, when i went back homeeee, i realised one of my sawamura’s feet missing and im like sooo soooo soooooo saddd fuckkkk. i wna find blue tack or clay soon to make his feet.

 25/02

its a saturday and wellll my 18th bdae isnt the best but it isnt one of the worst either. The best bdae would still be like 2 years ago which was my last softball game at Nationals back in sec 4 :DDD

lmao then tzewan told me that vincent made fun of me during lecture and well i cant believe he did that but oh weellll not everyone can be trusted. so much for trusting him and being such a good friend. i dont wna brag, but he fucking wouldnt get tgt with his ex if it wasnt for my help lmao what a bitch. i also realised that zane, vincent esp aloy didnt quite like a girl hanging out with them, so well i get left out everytime too. yaknow, after this, i feel that history might be repeating itself. first in sec sch, now in poly. isit like really my fault? like seriously, where did i went wrong. i mean i never had the same problem with girls before. but i didnt really quite like hanging out with girls soooo. its either im a loner arnd sch or i hang out with guys and end up having problems like this. so i told bryan like abt the whole thing abt vincent and then he got angry because he wanted me like to make a police report of him giving me sexual harassment HAHA out of revenge( vincent asked for sex like twice ). but lmao i no balls so bryan got angry. Bryan’s kinda cute when he get’s angry

only sometimes tho. actually last sem i was extremely motivated not to fail anything cuz i rlly dont want to like remodule and get seperated from jeffrey and vincent but oh well. now i dont mind remoduling cuz V,A and Z doesnt mean anything to me now.

 and just when i thought i was gg to have a bad bdae, because of fucking vincent, well apparently i have other friends that would cheer me up. Bryan tried cheering me up, and i enjoyed the meal with my family too.

but tkd ppl made everything bttr like most of them wished me hbdae and yayyyyy it made me happpy soo :DDDD ck also sent a pm and like thats damn cute of ck to do soooo.

but like,im kinda salty and i envy how everyone bought regine a stuff toy and like celebrated and bought her a small cake like okayyyyyyy. LIKE I DONT GET IT IM CLOSER THAN YALL THEN REGINE IS TO YALL WTFFFFFFF. okayyy nvmmmmm

welllll i told my father i want to start learn how to crochet (so i also can make bryan stuff) he let me spent like alot items in daiso to buy yarns and stuff yayyyyyy.

 26/27 of feb

I sneaked out of my house to see bryan. he ubered to aljunied’s mcd and he actually bought a star wars lego set and some rabbit woman from the batman lego movie. Well, we went to some void deck and he started fixing the lego thingy again. idk but he looks fucking cute when he does that?????

but okayyyy after that we ubered back to tpy and I waited for bryan to go back and shower until 5am. so like we didnt sleep the whole night and i feIt kinda guilty cuz it was like bryan’s exam and he was tired af. so after Bryan’s OC exam we went shopping and we went to like more lego shops and bought more lego characters :DDDDDDD like omg all i want to do now is to like collect lego characters :DDDDD and like we had to feel each packet for batman. i found harley quinn and yayyy. I also felt for a few batmans and yayyy i got someee. and andddd my junior said that she had all the harley quinns and she wanted to give it to me so yayyyyyyyy

 28/02

so today is my last paper, it’s fucking ipc and lmaoooo im not ready for it. okay so i left the exam hall after an hour lmao its a sure fail i dont even know how to do anything.

BUT YAY exams are over and I can finally haveee funnnnn. So we went to like tpy’s the singpost thingy. Bryan was like gna collect smthing and I thought he was gg to get the phone cover that he bought. well turns out the parcel was for me its like something he bought for my bdae :DDDDD and like we went to pastamania to eat. fuckkkk i was like vvvvvv excited to open the thinggg. the pakaging felt like that it might be a mug. well, i gget to open the pakaging before eating andddddddddddd IM LIKE SO HAPPY Bryan got me a Toriel figure frm Undertale like fuck it’s so cute istg. I didn’t like really expect anything for my bdaeee presyy????? like I thought he gave me the sonic gacha alrrrrr. but tbh im afraid he spent quite alot money on me so urghksdhlkhfkdsf. AND I FOUND OUT THE SHOES COST HIM $200+ NOT $100+ FUCKKKK BRYAN WHY

So since we wanted discounts on the lego stuff we buy frm the lego store, we went to watch the batman lego movieee. so like if u show your ticket, you can become a member and you’ll have like 10???20??% off for like discounttt???? but yeahhhh Bryan got a membership and yayyyy. The movie was vvv funny and cute like omg I like Joker the most he’s damn cute????

fuck i bet this thingy is gna have alot of typo error i didnt even check the 3rd time but whatev i wanted to post it for a vvv long time but ok idc anymo :D

dont ask me why im spamming here with lego gifs they are fking cute okaiiiiii