#but like tell me why i’m sad rn
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#y’all lmao#yesterday was my cr*sh’s (gross) last day of work#and i was like omg i’m so excited like i don’t have to be plagued by the fact that i like this man anymore lmfaoo#but like tell me why i’m sad rn#we closed today lije it was just me & him#and it made me kinda sad#and lowkey the other day i was like ugh i’m so glad i never had to work anywhere alone with him#and then i closed alone with him his last day lmfao#ugh and then they all went out to like hang out one last time and i didn’t go#and i kinda wish i did. but like WHATEVER WHO CARES…. he’s still engaged so literally doesn’t matter lmfao#but like tell me why we had a nice little bittersweet moment together closing……
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Getting rejected from an audition sucks guys I’m actually really sad rn ☹️☹️👎
#tell me why I’m actually so upset 😭😭#like crying#I CANNOT handle rejection#I NEVER GET REJECTED ?? :(#like i was so excited to be the bass guitarist for this new jazz band at uni and I auditioned and it went well ??#only to get an email back saying that I didn’t get in bc I can’t sight read 😭😭#THEY SAID IT WASNT A PROBLEM IN THE AUDITION ??#also I can still read music ?!!#I studied music tf#also it’s not like I’m bad bassist lowkey not to flex but I’m so good and can play to grade 8 and my old jazz band was WAY better#and you couldn’t even get auditioned for that one#you had to be invited#not to flex but I was invited#and also sight reading is literally not even an issue bc if you just give me the sheet music before#I can play#and in the audition they literally said it’s not an issue#so why are they bs ing me now#I KNEW THAT PRESIDENT HAD IT OUT FOR ME FROM THE START#HE LITERALLY HATES ME#also it’s not even like there was a better bassist#I’m really sad rn I was looking forward to it so bad#I have no will to live#bro I’m actually so sad rn 😭😭☹️☹️#I miss my old jazz band so much omg I’m so sad#nia rants !
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honestly I have nothing much to say about the canvas ( because I skimmed through it out of lack of interest even tho I was fixated on sbg for idk how long before you all saw DONT even lie ) but I lowkey love Ashlyn’s little dancer costume it’s very silly !!! Also kinda hoping their silly little homeless children costumes ( hopefully that’s not offensive ) come into play at one point . Like . . a school play . I’m screwing around with ideas here .
#I’d be like aiden with the face paint but everyone this time#WHY DO I THINK EVERY THING I SAY IS OFFENSIVE#hope it isn’t cause if then uh uhsms woopsys#Only real time you can call Aiden insane is when canvas him pops up#Jk#unless ?#I had an ice cream sandwich it was soooo yummy#I’m being super serious rn when I say that the ice cream sandwiches have gotten smaller please tell me you noticed it#I rummaged through my bed to find this stupid lizard ong my bed sucks for that thing I could squish it on accident#I’ve been obsessed slightly with bsd ( specifically Ranpo )#I hope he DIES !!!! ( not actually if he did I would kms#Like idk why I like him so much he’s just my cutie oatootie pookie bear meow fr fr#I’m cringe#EUFHHH I HATE GIM !!!!!#I hate character ai love cause they make me sad#HESR me out : Ranpoe but phantom fo the opera#IM COOKING SO HARD RN !!!!#TRUST#I LIVE RANPOE !!!!#NORMALLY I DONT CARE ABOUT SHIPS OFF THE BST SBD YK FRIENDSHIP BUT NUH UH THEM THEY GRRRRRR#Growls#im sorry I’m going a little coo coo please someone relate I’m going insane if I don’t draw this#Dies#school bus graveyard#sbg#sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard webtoon#SBG
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I really feel like I’ve reached a new level of simp today. ✨✨
I am literally kicking my feet ‘n’ twirling my hair over a fictional man barfing.
AM I OKAY. AM I SANE. WHY AM I GIGGLING OVER A SILLY LITTLE SAD DRUNK MAN VOMITING. 😭
Sorry. I had to get this outta my system. 😩
#normal simp behaviour#or is that just me#help im obsessed#i’m so silly#for context#i am currently rewatching dead man’s chest#and maybe it was because it was late#but man#james norrington fanart#james norrington#my little sad man#he’s so drunk rn#it’s actually so cute#why isn’t he real#i would do anything for him#wanna pet his head#tell him sweet nothings#I forgot this movie completely#feels like a new experience#anyway#I love james norrington#pirates of the caribbean#potc#i’m rambling again#lostfairy text post
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Don't be an eejit who hotboxes their car with a dog inside
I would never. He was in the hotel room.
#why’d you send this anonymously I thought we were all friends#coulda given me the benefit of the doubt tbh#like if I’m talking about not wanting to smoke in the hotel room why would you just assume I took Arlo down with me#you could have at least asked if Arlo was in there#I’m in a really fragile place rn and this is the only place I feel safe please be nkce and don’t call me names#and don’t make negative assumptions about my character#pls tell me you’re not a mutual I already don’t know who to trust irl#I don’t know why this made me so sad#why couldn’t you just nicely check to make sure Arlo wasn’t present for that#or assume I know better than to do that to him#I’m not bad#will you tell me who you are please? are you sorry? do you care?#I don’t know where to go to be myself and to be seen for who I am#if not here#I’m so afraid you’re someone I talk to regularly
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I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#it’s more so selfishness lmao#idk I’m getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I would’ve responded later calm down gosh the messages aren’t going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad you’re the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought you’d side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when I’m struggling I#apparently have zero excuse ☠️ girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that it’s okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you don’t need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently that’s more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause it’s that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes it’s horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I don’t think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesn’t give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth I’ve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think I’m lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply don’t want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because they’ll think I’m a liar anyways 🤷♀#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little you’d understand that it’s so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls …#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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They took waiting room off spotify
#I’m literally devastated#don’t text#how could they do this#it’s homophobic#check in on your annoying friends we’re really going thru it rn#music#waiting room#phoebe Bridgers#women in music#mine#genuinely I’m sad about this even if she does re record it I live the version that was up#like I know she doesn’t like it because she said it’s cringy and you can tell a 16 year old wrote it but that’s exactly why I love it#like it’s young and raw and feels exactly as desperate and madly obsessively in love as only a heart eyed kid can be#like she really captured that feeling of wanting something so strongly but knowing it’s not yours and feeling helpless like a child#because you just know you’ll never have if no matter how much you wish for it#it’s a kid singing about how desperate they are and the desperate teenage girl inside me feels seen#i don’t want a more mature and understanding version I want the version that feels like a heartbreaking and beautiful tantrum
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I hate anxiety so much bc it’s literally always telling me that I’m the issue like???? and I know rationally that it’s not me or my fault, but it’s so hard to believe when my anxiety keeps introducing ‘facts’ to prove other wise :(((((
#like I tell myself it’s other factors and it’s no always my fault#and I ask like#is it the concept? the character? the style? the time? or is it just me?#and it feels like it’s always just me#I hate it so much my chest is so tight#fuck insulin I need an eddie rn lmfao#so very frustrating though to always blame myself and think I’m the constant issue#even when I know I haven’t actively done anything besides exist#okay bye I’m making myself sad lol#—in store chit chat! 🍫#and why the fuck are my tags fucked up again like#thanks for the polls and all but FUCK YOU
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back to the dating app 🚶
#got inspired to try it again 🙄#i have a date semi planned now and all of the women in portland are obsessed w me or whatever#bc i like love and dating ppl but i keep falling in love with friends and it HAS NOT ENDED WELL ONCE so maybe stop it you dumbass#(this may be caused by the fact i’ve gotten my hopes up a bit abt a friend of mine but i should NOT… unless…)#i crave companionship#and am#also so scared all the time i’m soooooososcaredddd rn#why can’t everyone just love me all the time#must be my personality bc i’m like really hot rn#also me swiping on ppl just looking for hookups them matching and just 😳 i do not know if i’m at a point in my life where i am confident eno#ugh to do that 😳#as previously stated i’m so so scared#idk i’m conflicted and need to over share about it#idk will continue flirting w that one friend tho#even though flirting with eachother is an ongoing joke in this friend group so i don’t think she would take it seriously lmao#was telling my dear good pal to come over and suck my fingers yesterday like that’s just how it is#anyway she’s cool and makes childrens books and stories and loves dinasours and is tall and can jump really high#we got drunk together at my friends bday and bonded and it was SO CUTE#also she cries a lot when she’s high but doesn’t notice (she’s not even sad there’s just tears lol)#ruh roh just typed that all out and realized it seems like i’m obsessed w her 😳#going to hit my head on a wall okay goodnight
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hey just a fun question. for Science. do you ever get over your first love and how long does it take?
#and why does it still hurt so terribly sometimes?#maybe it’s bc I still talk to all our mutual friends almost daily#and I still notice her absence all the time#bc she still comes up in conversation in all these fond ways#in ‘oh I wish I could tell her this I know she would find it funny’#I wish she could see how hard I’m trying to get proper help#it devastates me that she will never get to see a healthy version of me#it devastates me beyond belief#bc I think a healthy & medicated version of me would have been worth loving & keeping#I think a healthy version of me would have taken a few deep breaths#I am so sad I am so lonely#this blog used to be a place where my fricken soul would burst with interest and love for media and the friends I met through it#now it is a graveyard of lost relationships#I think I’m just doing bad rn bc I am physical exhausted from work and bc it’s almost one year since I talked to her#and bc apple memories keeps bringing up photos of us that I can’t delete#and because last night I had a dream that she said she’s so relieved to finally be over me#and I’m selfish enough to wish I could be the one who’s forever missed#rather than the one who is forever doing the missing#and bc I miss the warmth & comfort & ease of conversation that don’t exist in my life anymore#bc I went like 20 years without having so much as a crush until I met her#and now I genuinely think that that was my one shot at getting to feel anything like that#but then I try to remind myself that this is probably how everyone else felt before they got to fall in love again#I really want to go home
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#it’s really fucking cold rn#also i’ve been sad for like a week and it’s got better sometimes but things keep happening so every time i think#im okay it’s fine… something else happens and it’s like well fuck now i have to deal with this exhausting ordeal again why do i have#to suffer so much#but it’s okay because everything happens for a reason and maybe this is the universe trying to tell me something#like keep taking your fucking meds#but also stop being so emotional and stop wearing your heart on your sleeve#but i refuse to regret thinking i was ready to be a real person again#I wasn’t ready but i refuse i simply refuse to regret believing that i was okay?#anyway it’s kind of unfair how i tried my best and january still turned out awful#like i just wanted one nice thing#but anyway this month has always been for life-changing decisions and i made one today as i do every year#so everything’s fine now#i can’t believe i’m saying this but i can’t wait to go back to work lmaooo#if i’m busy i won’t have time to cry right?? i won’t have time to dwell on stupid inconsequential things i can’t help but notice#sometimes i wish i couldn’t read wish i was illiterate i’d be so sane rn if that were the case <333#i would feel so secure and everything would be fine <333#anyway i’m thinking about morey because they are the only thing worth thinking about atm and they’re everything to me also 💖💖#morey supremacy i wish the teen wolf movie weren’t real skdjdjdj#STAND BEHIND ME COREY 💖💖 i won’t let them hurt youuu 💖💖
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i’m gonna freaking cry.
WAIT I RAN OUT OF TAGS (read this after tags pls akbsjsnsn):
ms tee i love you and your brain so very much
him trying so hard to be strong for you i’m in TEARS. TEARS
him folding
HIM SMILING, LIKE ACTUALLY SMILING
aksjhshsjdnjsnsnsnsnsn i need to go cool off again i cant do this, i have fully become a gojo lover :,)))))
^NOT A BAD THING
✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。09:08 AM — GOJO SATORU.
contents. manga spoilers, satoru keeps the scars bc that’s character development ok, post canon, insecure! gojo / reverse comfort, you sit on his lap, ig angst to fluff, embarrassingly cheesy look away pls :,)
satoru, since he’s come home with those scars, has always evaded your hand. you’ve tried a few times, have reached out to cup those cheeks you miss holding—but he’s managed to grab your hand and kiss it every time.
it’s smooth—like everything else he does, satoru dodges your touch smoothly. with an easy grin. with a teasing glint. it’s slick and all too natural, and almost undetectable. but you know him better. you know him better than anyone has had the pleasure of knowing him, you like to think. and you know that satoru doesn’t let your hand meet his cheek, not even the edge of his jaw, on purpose.
“good morning,” you smile, reaching forward to lay a hand over his face. satoru, with his eyes still closed (as expected), grabs your hand and plants a soft kiss to the back as he hums.
you’re almost certain he can sense the way your lips tug into a frown.
“mornin�� sweetheart,” he says lowly, “watching me sleep? that’s a bit creepy,” he teases.
“i can’t help it,” you hum, “you’re too handsome.”
this is rare—giving satoru compliments easily is rare. usually, you make him work for them, keep him waiting on the tips of toes before finally giving him that praise you know will go straight to his inflated ego. but sometimes, like now, you think he deserves to hear it—unfiltered and raw and filled with truth.
satoru is handsome. always has been. always will be.
“aw,” he cracks an eye open, “maybe i should let myself get scratched up a bit more. maybe you’ll talk nice to me more often.”
“i mean it, toru,” you frown, insisting, “you’re handsome. so handsome.”
your hand reaches for his face again. he turns his head this time, feigning a yawn as he stretches before sitting up. there’s a slight bit of tension in the air now, his lips tighter in his smile as he hums before turning to you and poking your nose.
“well, aren’t you sweet,” he smiles almost bitterly.
you haven’t seen his smile reach his eyes for a while. he doesn’t meet your gaze through the mirror in the mornings as you brush your teeth together anymore, doesn’t wink at your reflection and make you roll your eyes. he doesn’t spam your camera roll with pictures of himself anymore when you’re in the bathroom, doesn’t leave you with those silly faces and smug grins that make good wallpapers. he doesn’t even crack those annoying jokes anymore, doesn’t whine for you to admit he’s the most handsome guy you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting as his face digs into your neck.
instead, satoru dodges your touch. he kisses you briefer these days, avoids looking in the mirror, smiles like he has to—not like he finds a reason to.
“you don’t believe me?” you ask gently, furrowing your brows, “you know i’d never lie to you.”
“i didn’t say that, did i?” he asks, waving a hand casually. “c’mon let’s go brush our teeth. you don’t wanna kill me with that morning breath do you—”
“satoru, you’re still handsome, you know,” you say gently. you decide to rip the bandaid off as you add, “even with these.”
for the first time, your hand manages to reach for his face without him pulling away. you think it’s more out of surprise than anything, that it’s because he wasn’t expecting you to be so straightforward instead of trying to be subtle like usual. for a second, you think he might just put his infinity up—but he doesn’t ever. not around you.
but you can see it, the way his knuckles twitch a little like he’s clenching them. the way he’s so still, it’s almost like he’s willing himself not to tense. the way he doesn’t even lean into your touch like he always does.
he doesn’t want your hand on his face, but you stroke a thumb over a scar anyway, cupping his cheek as you study his face up close.
it’s still him—still satoru with that sharp nose and those rosy cheeks, still satoru with those long lashes and perfect jawline. there’s rough, marred bits of skin that meet soft, supple ones. you feel over the dips of where each scar starts slowly, committing each one to memory.
they’re newer parts of him, ones you don’t know very well yet, ones that remind you of the ugliest parts of the world—but they’re a part of satoru now, and anything that’s a part of satoru can never be ugly. no matter where they come from, no matter what they’re a reminder of.
not if it’s him.
“you think so?” he asks with a tight grin, “is my money maker still money making?”
“don’t be greedy,” you quip, “you have plenty of money.” and then, softly, you add, “but i’d pay a good fortune or two to wake up to this every day.”
“good thing i give it to you for free,” he hums, “i’m generous, you know?”
“what a catch,” you grin, “generous, strong, rich,” you list, making an amused grin stretch across his lips, “handsome,” you add. his smile falters a bit at that. “satoru, i’m serious.”
“oh, i love when you get all serious,” he whistles. he’s deflecting—you expect him to, but you’re not backing down. one leg swings over his hips, and then you’re climbing onto his lap, right there where he can’t avoid you. but he finds his attention to your lips, still smooth as ever as he avoids meeting your eyes.
“satoru—”
“oh? you want to do this already? it’s barely—” he makes a show of glancing at the clock before turning back to you with a suggestive grin, “—nine am. but i guess we can have a little fun before—”
“i don’t care about these, you know,” you murmur, pulling your head back when he leans in for a kiss. your finger lightly traces the scar by his left cheekbone, making him frown.
“see? you’re basically admitting you have to look past them,” he groans frustratedly—it’s the first time satoru’s acknowledges his scars. it’s the first time he’s finally let himself look upset without trying to hide it behind a forced grin and a dry chuckle.
“i don’t,” you frown, “sure, they’re new,” you admit softly, “and i don’t like being reminded you got hurt. but they’re not ugly—you’re always pretty.”
“there’s so many,” he mumbles, “they’re everywhere.”
“i think they’re cool,” you shrug, “they make you look tougher. less like a spoiled princess.”
“hey,” he pouts, “i’m not spoiled.”
“you’re a bit spoiled,” you chuckle, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck—his lips quirk up, and you can’t help but notice how real it looks for once. “but i suppose you deserve it. not because you’re handsome though. because you deserve good things—just for being you,” you insist.
his lips are quivering a bit, and he’s blinking faster now. you ignore it, though, taking your sweet time as you lean down and kiss along the edges of every scar on his face, tracing your lips along where the old skin meets new.
“that’s cheesy,” he mutters, “now you sound like a therapist.”
“i mean it,” you say firmly, “and i meant it when i said you’re handsome too.“
“handsomest guy you’ve ever met, right?” he bats his lashes—they’re a bit hopeful, though, and you smile as you gently kiss the corner of his mouth before nodding.
“definitely,” you nod, “you’re the prettiest.”
“am i?” he grins, “now i’m more spoiled. who’s fault is that really?”
“i’ll allow it for today,” you snort, “today you can be spoiled. i’ll humble you tomorrow.”
“we’ll see,” he hums.
your hands cup his cheeks as you lean down for a kiss, and satoru’s hands clasp over them gently, holding them in place—and when you kiss him delicately, like the sun meets the moon as your lips touch, like your world revolves around him as pull him closer, you think satoru is unfairly handsome.
and you’ll have to remind him that a bit more often.
he’s my liddol sourpatch :(
#OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD#wait due tags:#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#OKAY#TEEEEEEEEEEEE WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#i’m dead rn#like actually dead rn#I AM BECOMING A GOJO LOVER THIS IS INSANE#INSANE I TELL YOU#WHAAAAATTTTTTTTT#what am i talking about ive always been a gojo lover#but i tell you if regular manga/anime gojo didn’t convert me#and rb!gojo didn’t convert me#this definitely would’ve#like absolutely would’ve made me a gojo lover#HIM AVOIDING YOUR TOUCH#HIS INSECURITY#A NEW SIDE OF HIM WEVE NEVER KNOWN#SKJDJSBDNNSNDNSMSMMSMS#i’m so soft for this man#can you just imagine how painful it would be#to feel like because of his scars everything’s changed#he’s not who he once was#his swagger stolen from him#he must’ve felt so broken and in pieces#IM SO SAD#i had to take a shower to cool off#eat dinner to think of how i was going to scream#yet here i am
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I didn’t realize how stressed/ emotional I was rn until I was standing in the kitchen eating a piece of ciabatta bread and that made me think about how my dad and I both love ciabatta bread and that remind me how I haven’t seen him in a really long time because I never get a long enough break to travel all the way to see my parents and now I miss him and I’m on the verge of tears from BREAD
#hahaha I’m really stewed#stressed#ramblings#yeh I’m just having a terrible time in med school rn#i deadass have not seen my parents since thanksgiving#i know they support me and understand and know I love them#but i feel so guilty because I never call them I never see them#ik it is a common experience#but dang#medblr#digital diary#but make it sad#sadcore#sad academia#burned out#academic burnout#medical student#yeah like tell me why we r not told if we passed til the block ends#and the hard pass is 78% for most coses#and some are even 80???#i get wanting us to be competent doctors but the rate of information bc we learn and then that extreme tandard is jut taking everything out#i failed a block both semesters so far#the first was by one point#the other by 2 points#it’s like#Im almost good enough#rip#im so tired#the burnout is real#and so is the toxicity and imposter y drone
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i do actually miss him and am upset about what happened, surprised by the former fact which like yay!!!! human connection and emotions!!!, but also damn, want to reach out but also i have way too much pride beside he didn’t like me/respect me enough not to do all that but also god damn it
#personal#he works right by my house so it’s like kay getting groceries or a hair cut i will have to look nice everytime now#like it fluctuates#like most the time i’m like okay that happened. anyway#then i get sad#then i get real angry like RIDDLES????#in ur apology follow up you wrote she may or may not be fucking other dudes rn i care why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but then i see him us like 17 exclamation points and get sad bc i miss that#also it’s likes oh okay he didn’t like me and is telling his friends how lame i am#or ohhhh okay he did actually like me but just wanted to get his dick wet more#i know we frequent several of the same place or his friends do and i like entertaining a little fantasy of him seeing me#chasing me down and trying to chat and then blah
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I hate everyone 😭
#dora daily#I hate fatema#I hate how I never cry and I don’t like talking abt my pain because it makes it feel like I’m suffocating yet when I tell her she’s like#what do you want me to do and she feels sorry for a girl with period back pain#when my issue is consistent and doesn’t have a straightforward reason like that#and then I cried in class and she didn’t even notice even tho I sat right next to her#and then dahlia#I tried so hard to be so mindful so tolerant and accepting that she needs more time but when is it my turn to feel validated#not that she doesn’t validate me but I just feel so lonely a lot of the time#and I opened up to her abt how I maladaptively daydream most of my day away because I feel lonely and sad and that the only people who can#treat me the precise way I wish to be treated are the fake ppl I create in my head#it’s not fair#and she said she does the same but that makes me sad because I’m always there I always check for her messages but they’re never there#she has ME she doesn’t need to do that#but who do I have#nobody. so that’s why I maladaptivelt daydream#why I pathetically make people up just so I can keep my own self company and have fun or comfort or whatever I need#I feel like a freak.#and god my head feels so weird rn#ughhhh#I am not even kidding when I say every single human being that interacts with me in my day to day life makes me feel like to some extent#I am annoying to talk to or interact with#and that’s just how I feel. so is it all that surprising I pull away so easily#fjoaakala
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