#but like mentally ill people can have agency in their choices to

[iamonlyhereforthefreefood]

Oh they're trying so hard to paint him as crazy

[bringthekaos]

I'm excited for your thoughts on the new season if/when you share them

It has legit taken me 3 days to come to terms with Act 1. Enough to be able to speak about it. Gunna apologize in advance for the wall of text, and I’m hiding it under a break for spoiler reasons. Also prefacing with these are all just my opinions. All are free to disagree with me and RB with discussions/theories etc. just don’t be a dick about it, I’m not engaging in any discourse.

Ok. So. I have mixed feelings, and I’m aware that this is because I don’t have the whole story yet. So this is all contingent on how the rest of the season plays out.

First and foremost, I’m… wildly swinging back and forth between love and disappointment for Viktor’s arc. So first the negative, and I’ll try to keep it brief because a lot of people have already expressed this and I don’t need to be beating that particular dead horse.

Viktor has had his agency, his bodily autonomy, his original ideas and nearly everything that made him Viktor stripped away. Nothing so far has been his choice. And while this could have worked just fine for an original character, he wasn’t. So there is a massive disconnect between what this character was/should have been. In League, it was all his choice (albeit with a healthy dose of mental illness thrown in, but still). AND it was very heavily suggested that many of the augmentations he performed weren’t as extensive as he lead everyone to believe (namely the controlling/dousing of his emotions). But it appears that whatever the Hexcore did to him, it’s real. He is clearly having a difficult time accessing his emotions, and if he can feel anything, it is limited to the point of him being completely stoic. And the thing with stoic characters is that you obliterate any emotional payoff for the audience. It’s very hard to make an audience feel an emotional connection to a character’s story arc when they themselves don’t feel anything (I have a theory about this though, but I’ll address it a little later in this post). And then there is the issue of Blitzcrank. Blitz was Viktor’s whole world, after his exile. How are they going to swing that? Like, I’m not even asking for Blitz to be in Arcane (that would be great, but I really don’t think they have time). But I stg if they take Blitz away from Viktor, make them someone else’s invention (my suspicion is Heimer or he finds the idea in Sky’s journal)… I’m sorry but no. This was Viktor’s idea, Viktor’s genius. I will genuinely be extremely upset if they take that from him too.

Then there is the whole situation with Sky. First, this girl was fridged. She was nothing but a plot device and continues to be just that. It feels hollow and forced, especially now that he’s hallucinating her as some sort of penance for what he did. (I have seen the prevalent theory that it’s the Hexcore using her image and his guilt to manipulate him, given that it “ate” her, and we have seen it “manipulate” him before when it punished him for trying to destroy it). But back to Sky—he barely acknowledged that poor girl. The reason for that can be argued, whether it’s because he’s gay or because he was just so wrapped up in his one-track minded research. But regardless, there just wasn’t enough setup between those two for this whole thing to have as much weight and meaning as I think it’s supposed to. Honestly to me (TO ME) it reeks of comphet. It feels like that random woman they threw at Poe Dameron to No Homo him. I’m not even asking for Jayvik canon. But the creators were well aware of this ship, after all it’s the second most popular ship in this show and it’s been around since 2012 when Jayce was literally created for Viktor. I’m asking for the bare minimum here—that it’s left open-ended as it was in League, open for interpretation.

Last negative I have is the whole Viktor Jesus thing. The first problem is I am pretty violently agnostic, and messiah narratives have never spoken to me. I don’t enjoy them, they feel weak. The whole “ordained by a higher power” thing is just�� stale. Especially when this character originally had no higher power, he gave it to himself through his own hard work and ingenuity. Honestly, Viktor’s original arc is about as far from a Jesus allegory as you can possibly get. And I am absolutely terrified that they’re going to end said Jesus arc the way you’d expect—with him dying for it. Which leaves the moral of his story “disabled man should have just accepted that he was going to die despite the fact that it was the oppression and xenophobia of Piltover that left him out to dry, without proper health care, accessibility, equality, or equity that lead to his terminal diagnosis to begin with.” Which is a very oppressor-centric narrative and we do not need another one of those.

Sorry, I know I said I’d keep the negatives brief, and that was… not. My bad. But moving on!

I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy it, I did. I am working to embrace this new Viktor narrative and work it into my brain in a way that doesn’t ruin the ship for me. So without further ado, the positives.

Jayce.

Jayce.

Jayce.

I’d have to go back and time it, but it feels like he got more screen time in this first act than the entirety of the first season combined, and his character shined for it. It humanized him in ways season one never did. He’s caring, he’s devoted, and he loved Viktor! No matter what kind of love you think it is, it proves he loved Viktor without a doubt. He carried Viktor several city blocks to the lab to save him, and then YES, he broke his promise about the Hexcore because he couldn’t stand the thought of losing him!

And he’s funny! (The scene where he picks up the regular sized hammer in the fight against Renni and made that “this is ironic” face?? And then basically the entire interaction with Ekko? The hand me a tome thing, and then when he basically pulled this when Ekko suggested “so this is all your fault cuz you pissed off the Arcane”:

GOD that shit was great. Jayce’s personality just shined, and maybe it’s too much to hope, but maybe this will douse a little of the hate. Because instead of being a subtle hint at all of those things being true about him, it’s now overt. And when people lack media literacy, the hints have to be overt.

And th-the. The h. The HUG SCENE. I don’t think I will ever emotionally recover from that scene. Starting with Viktor who, despite being clearly emotionally—I dunno, vacant I guess—sounded so lost and scared when he said “what am I?” For me, it was whispers of that scene from The Last Unicorn: “what have you done to me?” And my poor sweet Jayce, who clearly hasn’t left this damn lab except to go to Cassandra’s memorial. Sleeping on the desk and bleeding through his bandages because he doesn’t want to spend a moment away from Viktor while he “recovers.” And his euphoric response when he finds Viktor alive, when he realizes he hasn’t lost him. And I OWE HIM AN APOLOGY, goddamn. I said in a post that “Jayce will not understand.” I thought that was how Arcane was gunna start the divorce. But Jayce genuinely did not care, as long as his lover friend was alive. And just… Jayce being so affectionate through this entire scene. The hug obviously, but also blurting things he thought he’d never get to say to Viktor—“I’m resigning from the council, my place was always here in the lab with you.”

And… the hug itself. I know we’re all analyzing it frame by goddamn frame, but I see exactly what everyone else sees—there is a moment where Viktor very subtly smiles. But it’s gone in an instant, and it turns bittersweet. LOOK AT HIM.

There is something there, it’s just buried. Deep beneath the surface. It seems to say “I want this, I have wanted this for so long.” But then he realizes something, something I don’t think we’re meant to understand yet. Maybe that he doesn’t feel anything about it anymore, and he recognizes that this should upset him and it doesn’t. Or perhaps it’s something more along the lines of “it’s too late.” Whatever it is, I think this is the exact moment he knows he has to walk away. Because he knows he’ll cave to the affection, he said it himself. (Which is another thing entirely. His voice changes when he says that. Something in him is reacting to that word. Maybe he’s fighting against it, or maybe he’s fighting to get it back. But something made him almost growl that word.)

Which leads me to my final thought (for this post anyway, cuz it’s turning into a novel); Viktor is still in there. He can still feel things, I just think they’re extremely muted by whatever the Hexcore did/continues to do to him, or he has to fight to express them. Because he also smiled at the hallucination of Sky after he “cured” Huck. And if he feels nothing, he wouldn’t have been “joyous” at the thought of her being proud of him, approving of the good things he’s trying to do in her memory. He wouldn’t crave that validation, that vindication from her. So I’m hopeful that we start to see this shell crack a little, especially if those visions of Sky are the Hexcore manipulating him through guilt. It will start to erode him, no matter how stoic he has become. And literally the only thing I’m clinging to is that Jayce will see this and try to pull him out. “He’s still in there and I have to save him.” And that maybe it’ll start to work.

[blood-starved-beast]

Something that is lost in all the discourse around Arcane s2 Jinx, her relationships, with Caitlyn and such is that - Jinx has a very particular relationship with violence. And that sometimes manifests itself in sadism.

Part of it I think, is cause in s2 we don't see it as much, or rather, she is getting the reckoning there for all the points of violence she enacted in s1 and anything she tries in s2 she immediately gets the consequence for it. Thinking her breaking into Vi's apartment in s2ep5 - break-in aside, the weird inappropriate way she blows in her ear, and then gets into her stuff and paints her face in a presumed mockery of Vi's tattoo - and she immediately gets pinned by Vi who responds like a caged injured animal (which hey she is in this case) and choked. But it's a sister-ly thing! one can argue but - is it? Do Vi and Jinx up to this point have that rapport that Vi can reasonably overlook that? That is no, cause since their reunion Jinx has made an effort to either hurt or terrorize Vi (and Caitlyn by extension). Jinx is not in a place to do so, to be like an annoying little sibling, cause she threw that out long ago. It's not until later, that Vi sees Jinx has changed (and part of that is due to Isha's help) but again Jinx had to change. Jinx was not just some innocent victim. Yes she was victimized, yes she's mentally ill and part of the fear of her comes from that. But also Jinx is sadistic and the way she engages with people since s1 act 2 reflects that.

Some examples:

-Killing the Firelights including and especially that one girl who looked like Vi. Why shoot her? Cause she upset her cause she happened to look like Vi? The earlier killing were moments of failings emotional control/mental instability and can be excused but this? Man. -The killing of the enforcers in s1ep4 - yes they are cops and who cares but the manner in which she does it speaks to Jinx and her character here. She doesn't have to be sadistic about it in the way that she was. -the way she engages with Thieram/Chuck and how he is clearly terrified of her. She has a reputation and then tricks him with a bomb which the poor schmuck thought was legit (until it wasn't). -Tying up Sevika for her words about Vi replacing her and such. Not even just the fact that it's cruel, she does it in a humiliating manner. -Kidnapping Caitlyn while she's naked and vulnerable, and deliberately building that up with the monkey shape. She knew what she was doing, and it was deliberate (yes Jinx's demons have made her into a bogeyman but it doesn't change the way in which Jinx engages with that bogeyman). Compare it to Silco's kidnapping, or even Vi's. Jinx's method here is deliberate. -Dinner scene - the fake out beheading scene with Vi and the Cupcake. -the Ultimatum with Vi - she tells Vi she can only have one thing or the other. She does not grant Vi the agency to choose and and tries to manhandle her. -After losing Silco, she reacts by shooting the Council. Not because she's some great hero who wants to make a Statement. She does it out of a lack of emotional control, and that (unintentionally) leads to Ambessa having an "in" into P/Z. She creates the Monster that is s2act1!Caitlyn. -Heenot being hung upside down and the dolls hanging from the ceiling and the dead dolls of the Striketeam which are gory as is.

What do I mean by this? I'm not saying it to mean that Jinx is meant to be evil or just ~ crazy ~ and should be hated. But I've seen a lot of people after s2 jump to say she's a perfect hero who has done everything right, who hate her choice to break the cycle. Cause it's not just about the things she's done to the Council/Piltover! She has to break the cycle in all the things she's done. Jinx has a reputation in Zaun as is in Piltover and those actions she's taken for forever will continue to isolate her even as she's changed or when ppl try to rebuild her in a way she isn't - the hero archetype. She has to run away.

And this is why too, she is a great foil to Caitlyn! And why Caitlyn always speaks in "we" when it comes to their mistakes. Caitlyn in s2 becomes the mirror to Jinx in that they both embody different forms of violence in s2 - Caitlyn's organized violence vs Jinx's chaos. Both harm a lot of innocents in the process. They cannot erase their mistakes, but they can break the cycle and move on.

Anyways this is to say, Jinx is a very complex character. She has many facets to her, the alleged hero she denies the role of (cause she doesn't care, doesn't care about community as a whole like that it takes her Isha, losing Silco the way she did even Vi for a bit, and s2act2 to treat see humans as people and not dolls she plays with), the scared and hurt child, the part of her that struggles with her mental illness, the part that loves her family, loves Ekko. But it does not erase those worse off parts of her. And ignoring that side of her ignores the choices the writers make in the story. Why she decides to run away when Ekko shows her that she doesn't have to end it all. It's part of why timebomb and the sisters are doomed.

[intermundia]

i think the reason that i find the tragedy of the prequels so compelling is that anakin is such a good tragic hero. he's shown to be an intelligent man with a mature understanding of the world, who made catastrophic choices on purpose because they were easier and more personally satisfying to him. when fans deny him that agency, i believe they misunderstand the story in important ways. one can say that he was manipulated and deceived, one can diagnose him with every mental illness in the DSM (and people in my notes often do), but one cannot say that he wasn't fast to toss aside his moral values to lash out and to get what he wanted.

the fact of the narrative is that anakin knew better, and he chose the easy option (with full knowledge that it was 'wrong'), because he refused to accept core limitations of reality, namely the inevitability of death. he thought that having special powers meant the rules didn't apply to him and those he loved, and that's how he ended up killing kids and serving as a fascist enforcer for decades. one can contort themselves into knots to try to excuse that, and there were indeed many contextual forces that gave him so much power in the first place, but there is no real excuse for what he chose to do with that power.

without anakin being that kind of moral agent, there is no tragedy. tragedy in an aristotelean sense is a narrative designed to elicit feelings of pity and fear, because we the audience know that we too are doomed to suffer and all too readily make easy, bad choices to avoid pain. none of us want to accept that some parts of life include losing, and require sacrifice. anakin's greed was his undoing, as it is all to often our own. refusing to accept that the tragedy of the prequels, explaining away and excusing the fall of the hero, means protecting ourselves from accepting the painful truth that we are just like him, and can and do make the same kind of mistakes.

[the-arceo-analysis]

Double A, The Arceo Analysis.

wip audio drama by klaus j

The Arceo Analysis is a series in the making (by yours truly!) which will mainly feature a long audio drama... With a twist! The plan is to combine the audio aspects of podcasts with visual aspects of artwork and site design. Eventually, Double A will have it's own website, where listeners can find transcripts, social media links, designs, artwork and more...

Double A follows an arrogant scientist, Klaus Ormr (centre), and his good-looking assistant, Poseidon Delito (to the left!) through Arceo, Velum per the request of Sean Lokachari (front right).

Arceo's Apprentice Detective's Agency (or the AADA for short!) is an up-and-coming agency just a few buildings down from the old one, Bronzeward, which was indefinitely closed due to suspicions of tampering with evidence not even three months ago.

Founded by a man with no interest outside of the title - Markus Porter - Lokachari is left to help six young adults become hardworking detectives. Despite his extensive experience as Bronzeward's lead detective for over 20 years, being left to train six people with no clue what they're doing is a draining task. Having no other choice but to cash in a favour brings in two old friends- who had moved away three years ago after a life-changing accident no one wants to recall.

The Arceo Analysis has everything a podcast fan could want- The Horrors, psychological torment, strange homosexual pining, disability representation- and much more! The main cast consists of 9 characters, all of which are vastly different with completely contrasting backgrounds!

A little about me (the creator) and the origins of Double A under the cut!

Hi again! I'm Klaus. (Yes, the main character is named after me (more or less!)) I'm queer in a couple different directions, and you can refer to me with he/him/his. I just recently turned eighteen and graduated from highschool, which means I've been working on since I was maybe 15? (Note: Didn't pass my maths classes) I have a handful of mental illnesses and a few more that aren't confirmed just yet but highly suspected. At the moment I've got a dislocated shoulder with bone damage! (Skating accident & several falls after the original dislocation) Rather painful but we make do with what we can!

Due to my mental illnesses, Double A has been put off more than a few times. I'm rather severely depressed, making my day-to-day life hard, not to mention my hobbies and work life. Despite this, I've been keeping at it as much as I can, getting progress under my wing consistently enough to update every few days.

I got into The Magnus Archives two-ish years ago and ever since I've had a fascination with horror audio dramas. (Though, I've only got that, The Left Right Game, half an episode of The Silt Verses, and 20 episodes of Malevolent to show for it) I'm also very invested in House M.D., Arcane, and Hannibal NBC!

The Arceo Analysis is a project I've been working on for almost three years! It originated as an idea between myself and an old friend (though many characters had already existed prior to that) that I remade into something new after we ceased contact. I'm incredibly passionate about it and I sincerely hope that it can bring you the comfort and joy it's brought me over the few years I've had the honour of creating it.

I don't take myself very seriously, and I very rarely post large walls of text like this- Most of my tumblr is shitposts and artwork, with the occasional update on script progress!

If you'd like to reach out and ask something, whether about myself or my work, please hit up my ask box! I'm not very comfortable DMing followers.

[orchidbreezefc]

edgar woe.begone: low empathy, high masking

THESIS: my reading of edgar woe.begone is that he's a low empathy autistic who has no innate intuition for social cues and has had to teach himself everything about social interaction from scratch, which is an interpretation that i think explains a lot about him.

now, i am very critical of edgar as a person. i think he's a less than good person and a bad boyfriend. but let me be VERY clear right off the bat: these symptoms don't make anyone a bad person. these symptoms aren't even bad per se. theyre all disabling symptoms that make social interaction more difficult for the person who has them. like any symptom, they have to be managed and compensated for.

some people under the neurodivergent/mentally ill umbrella, as with any group of people, are bad people. being a bad person flavors one's approach to their mental illness, and mental illness in turn flavors the manner in which they're a bad person. the mental illness isn't what makes you bad, but it does affect how your shittiness manifests.

disclaimers done, a good place to start is the way edgar speaks, especially with jeremy's performance. edgar always sounds very reasonable, approachable, and agreeable, and there is never an ounce of genuine emotion in his voice. he talks like an autistic person with zero innate intuition for social interaction who has taught himself to speak in the way that he's learned will get the best response.

edgar's customer service voice is the only one we hear and likely the only one he uses if he can help it. we know edgar's a tactician, a persuader. why use any other voice than the one he's carefully fine-tuned to make people like him and be receptive to what he's saying? this isn't even necessarily cynical: what do you want him to do, talk in a more uncontrolled, emotional way--that he's not used to managing--that will make people like him less?? what good would that do?

edgar likes control. he's more comfortable when things are in his hands, and only his. propagation definitely factors in here--if [link: my theory] that propagation is what solidified the certainty of edgar's death is true, it's no wonder he wants to control and limit the spread of information. edgar prefers to be in charge of making the plans, ideally alone.

this is part of why mike is perpetually out of the loop, even regarding decisions that concern him--which is pretty damn paternalistic. but there's a more wholesome aspect as well: edgar genuinely thinks he's doing mike a favor.

edgar knows mike has undergone and is undergoing a lot, and that he's terrible with plans and a major blabbermouth. if edgar can take care of a problem without mike having to worry his pretty head and perfect eyebrows about what to do, without knowing it ever existed, isn't that so much better? that's edgar being a good boyfriend, actually. he's helping!

it probably doesn't even occur to edgar how much this limits mike's agency, how much it hurts mike that edgar refuses to let him in, how this puts them on unequal footing, how fucking patronizing it is to not let your boyfriend make his own decisions about his own life. oh, how the tables have tabled since him originally telling mike that keeping the story of woe.begone from him didn't protect him, it impeded his ability to make informed choices.

here's where the low empathy creates problems--edgar doesn't have that innate intuition for how mike's feeling, and he doesn't (effectively) manage or compensate for it, and he definitely doesn't communicate with mike enough to know how he's affected by this shit (avoiding too much information sharing is good, remember?)

and mike certainly isn't going to tell him! mike is a goddamn simp. he's not going to establish boundaries. he's not going to put his foot down and demand better treatment. as if he fucking deserves that in the first place, pshaw. the only time he pushes back is in season 10 when he doesn't remember their relationship, and edgar is deeply shaken.

edgar is devastated to learn he hurt mikey, because he does genuinely adore that man. he would get lasso lessons from michael and rope him the moon if he could. his low empathy and efforts to manage everything himself keep him from realizing that mikey, a hyperempathetic mess who gets sentimental about pens, seriously suffers from being shut out like this.

edgar's thought process must be equally inscrutable to mikey, who just figures it would be asking too much to be an active and equal participant in his own relationship and life. edgar's perfect and great, so if mikey deserved that, he would already be giving it to him. if mikey's unhappy with any part of their relationship, no he isn't. he's lucky he has edgar at all. he's lucky he has anyone.

recall michael's agonized admission that "everything is about rugby, dammit" 10(++++) years and edgar's literal death later. we can only guess at how bad his rugby was, but we do know michael never talked it through with edgar. he tells mike this was him 'letting it go' actually, when the fact that theyre having this conversation at all is proof that he extremely hasn't. this is what 'letting it go' looks like to michael: burying an issue forever and giving up on ever getting closure.

so yes, edgar does authentically deeply love his mikey-bear. unfortunately, if you never establish the communication to bridge the differences between your own methods of operating and that of your partner, love will only get you so far. and the first time around, where it got them was michael fighting back tears in an apartment in latvia over a wound from edgar that he suffered in silence until the day he died.

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

From ur big old Aego/aro housemum here -

Asexual and aromantic people can face prejudice and hate crime, which service providers and criminal justice agencies have a duty to tackle. The information below aims to assist services to better understand and serve the needs of ace people who experience hate crime.

Prevalence of acephobia

Whilst social awareness is growing, asexuality and aromanticism are still not widely recognised, and prejudice against asexual and aromantic people remains largely unexamined.

The little (but growing!) research that there is in this area has uncovered strong bias against ace people. Relative to cisgender and heterosexual people, and even to cisgender lesbian, gay and bisexual people, asexual people were found to be the target of more prejudice, avoidance and discrimination.

Of all the sexual minorities studied, ace people were the most dehumanised, viewed as “machine-like”- cold and emotionless. This demonstrates the need to address anti-asexual bias and that ace people are at risk of experiencing violence, abuse and discrimination.

Recognising anti-asexual prejudice

Acephobia is a prejudicial attitude toward asexual and aromantic people based on negative stereotypes. It can include believing that ace people:

are less than human or against human nature

are deficient or broken; that it is a result of mental illness or sexual abuse

have just not met the “right” person

are confused or ‘going through a phase’

cannot experience love and have relationships

are just “prudes”; that asexuality is a choice rather than an orientation

don’t face oppression and are damaging the LGBT+ cause.

What is anti-asexual hate crime?

Any offence should be treated as an anti-asexual hate crime if the person who experienced it or anyone else feels it was an expression of acephobia.

Anti-asexual hate crime can include verbal abuse and violence from neighbours or strangers, in person or online. Because people’s ace identity is not always visible to strangers, anti-asexual abuse can often be concentrated in settings where the targeted person and perpetrator know each other. That can include verbal abuse or unwanted sexual touching from acquaintances and anti-asexual domestic abuse from family or partners. This also includes actual and threats of so-called “corrective” rape, to “fix” the person’s orientation.

These crimes can be less often recognized in mainstream services, but it is equally important to record and address them in a manner that addresses their motivation of hostility.

To qualify to be recorded as a hate incident, a report needn’t include anti-asexual language. It is enough for a reporting person to perceive that it was motivated by acephobia. Police guidance states that any crime or non-criminal incident should be recorded as motivated by sexual orientation hatred if the person reporting it feels it was motivated that way. Courts will need evidence to record a hate crime.

Tackle anti-asexual prejudice within LGBT+ communities

Asexuality is a part of sexual diversity, and aromanticism is a valid romantic orientation. Therefore they belong within the LGBT+ community.

However, ace people can face prejudice from within our community, such as being refused entry to LGBT+ spaces or inappropriate treatment by LGBT+ services. Some LGBT+ people argue that asexuality shouldn’t be included under the LGBT+ umbrella. Similar reasoning was employed to object to bisexual and trans inclusion in lesbian and gay movements historically – and still results in failings in full inclusion and support of these groups today.

LGBT+ people working as service providers can also sometimes oppose asexual inclusion. It is important for LGBT+ services to raise awareness of ace identities and acephobia, and work towards welcoming all sexual and romantic minorities to their service.

Demonstrate that you take acephobia seriously by speaking out against it.

Ace people also face homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, ableism, racism, etc.

Sexual orientation is distinct from romantic orientation; asexual people may have heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic or aromantic attractions and so may face homophobia or biphobia

Asexual and aromantic people may also be trans, non-binary or have a non-conforming gender presentation, so may face transphobia.

Therefore acepeople may face anti-LGBT hate in addition to acephobia, and often these prejudices are linked. Determining how it should be recorded should be done together with the service user.

Additionally, many people face hostility rooted in multiple types of hatred, for instance both acephobic and racist. They are entitled to ask police and other safety services to record it under several hate incident categories. Ask open questions about motivation, support service users in determining their own account of events, and bear in mind that a crime or incident may have more than one hate motivation.

The CATCH Partnership can help you ensure you get appropriate support after an incident that targeted several of your identities.

Make a positive impact and recognise the gap

Service are increasingly familiar with hate crime against lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people, but ace people have their own distinct needs, which can be overlooked or underplayed. Build your knowledge, policies and systems to address this important issue.

Many ace people feel pressured to pass as allosexual or alloromantic when talking to services, which can prevent people from disclosing important information about incidents. Make efforts to enable service users to be themselves in your service, and feel safe disclosing issues related to their identity.

For every acephobic incident or crime someone tells you about there will be many more unreported. Help people feel that telling you was worthwhile. An important way of doing that is by referral to ace and LGBT+ support, advice, advocacy and social groups, such as the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.

Enable people to consider a range of options including help from police, discrimination law, restorative justice, emotional support, or assistance complaining about acephobic attitudes from a provider of goods or services.

[x-neurotoxin-x]

Im about to rant so follow me for a second here. I keep seeing a lot of that "Touya was born evil and showed no remorse for the things he did even as a kid" take like, everywhere lately and tbh the blatant misinterpretation of Touya and disregard of canon aspects of his character about this never fails to get on my nerves.

Obv not in a "he did nothing wrong" way, he obviously did a bunch of things wrong and went down a dark path bc of a mix of circumstances, victimization, and his own decisions- which makes him such a good character because of the fact he was shaped by his trauma but also has agency in his crimes and made choices himself that got him where he is. He's not a good person and having regrets/remorse doesn't change that, but you guys are just legitimately wrong about him not having any remorse and being "born wrong" when in canon it's been a clear point multiple times to show he knows right from wrong to a degree and feels guilt for the things he's done. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Dabi is the only villain that I can think of from the league who shows remorse, and to some degree responsibility, for his actions.

A lot of the "evidence" people provide is stuff he did as a kid, like attacking Shouto and "Terrorizing Rei." Both of these Touya expressed regret about on screen with him venting to Natsuo at night about how he(Touya) was wrong that day(when he attacked Shouto) and Shouto didn't do anything.

He also expressed wanting to apologize to Rei for the things he said literally right after waking up from a coma in a strange facility where he was essentially being held hostage for 3 years. One of the first thoughts he had was that he did "awful things" ane needed to apologize to his mom and the rest of his family. (Which is honestly kind of devastating and says a lot about his character at the time that he was in such a traumatic situation and thought like that. Everything about post coma/teen Touya is so goddamn tragic.)

He projected his anger and pain from his abuse onto Shouto when he got older- I.e. everything he did as Dabi to Shouto; fighting him, trying to kill him, etc all of which was fucked up and he had no excuse to do but he DID show remorse for doing it. Legit the last time we see him he apologizes specifically to Shouto and it appears during the final battle he had a moment of clarity and everything about Shouto sank in- the soba moment only further showing that.

We also see that scene way back where he was remembering what Snatch said about the families of the people he killed, and Dabi showed remorse there too with the bloody tear symbolism.

So I really do not understand how ppl still call him born evil and remorseless when in canon it's pretty clear Touya's always been a very hurt, angry person who did terrible things either on impulse or out of pain and felt regret for it, but kept doing it because of trauma, very likely mental illness, and his self destructive tendencies. He got colder as he got older, but he's shown to be still capable of remorse and critical thought. He's not just evil for no reason without any second thought, he's more complex than that. It all makes him such a complicated, human, and relatable character and boiling him down to "-insert the ablest slur you all keep using that starts with the letter S- with no remorse who was born evil and wrong" is not only starting to stink of ableism but just a blatant disregard and misunderstanding of his character in general.

[thevulturesquadron]

Ok so this is me sorta headcanoning, so take this with a grain of salt, but one of the reasons why the infantilization of Rogue always bothers me is because I always felt like her powers were a metaphor for disability/chronic illness and fandom police act already like disabled women aren't capable of being in their own villain romances, example being Entrapdak antis denying Entrapta her own agency in her romance with Hordak in the She-Ra reboot.

Oh! But you make a really good point! It’s one of those subtle perspectives that can be dangerous just because of how easy they are to integrate into someone's view of the world. I'm not as vocal online as I used to be. I feel like there are people out there far better equipped to talk about it than I, while I grow old and cranky. But, you brought up a really important aspect that kinda sent me into a 'hold my beer' moment so apologies for the long answer! To start with, I wouldn’t call this a headcanon, not at all, clearly not in the context of X-men, and Rogue in particular. It’s a very apt analogy. The reason why these characters become relevant to us is because we recognize something from our personal journey in them, and the comparison you made for Rogue is a very strong one. Her inability to touch can absolutely be read as a disability! In so many of her stories/arcs it is often portrayed as a struggle, as an obstacle to a ‘normal life’. Her difficulties with gaining control over her powers and dealing with other personalities that are trying to take over her mind can also be a strong metaphor for mental health struggles/disorders. Rogue is a fantastic hero in that regard and seeing her be her own person, learning how to work and be proud of what she can do, can feel like a personal victory for so many people. It’s why it’s important to see her happy, to see her winning her battles and use who she is and what she can do in a positive and impactful way. There are many reasons why fans end up taking away her agency or attributing her choices to a different (often male) character. And, to be fair, a couple of comic-book writers have done this exact thing to her, so I can see where this skewed perspective might be coming from. Within fandom this happens mostly because it serves to support their arguments for whatever thing they prefer or project onto the character. If they don’t like a certain narrative or can’t accept that it might’ve be written for someone else, they have this to fall back on and point to. Or, sadly, one of the simplest reasons for doing this is the age-old turning their ship preferences into ‘I’m right, you are wrong’ arguments. But these things can hide some internalized misconceptions. Unfortunately I haven’t seen the reboot of She-Ra (shame on me) so I don’t have the full picture for the take on Entrapta, but now I have one more reason to invest some time in it. In this situation with Rogue, I believe that what you mentioned applies very well. The argument that I’ve seen going around a lot is that Rogue was manipulated/swayed by being presented with the opportunity to ‘be normal’. Because she wanted to be able to touch and as a result she was taken advantage of because of her ‘disability’. Which is entirely false. In no version of the relationship between Rogue and Magneto in the comics, and not even in the reinvented take in the animation, has he ever abused that. Her attraction to him has always, always, come first, and the ability to touch, second. He was never the first one to act upon it. Even in the animation, every shot in the flashback was carefully considered to portray that - she is shown as the initiator every time (my favourite scene is when she’s trying her very best to pose in a suggestive way and he just paints her as he sees her, lively and sincere). But some fans don’t want to see that. They don’t want to acknowledge the authenticity of her decisions because it doesn’t serve the narrative they want of her/for her.

I read your message and it hit like a hammer how much deeper this problem can actually go, because it’s masked by those surface-level justifications. Removing agency and responsibility from someone just because they operate differently than one’s expectations is damaging in and of itself, and within a fandom it perpetuates an idea that can stifle people’s perspective and critical thinking. (This whole topic actually reminded me of Madison Tevlin's “Assume that I can” commercial. I think it's relevant to the conversation) Thanks a lot for sharing this!!! We need to talk more about these things and if I misspoke on something or missed something important would love to hear it. 💜

[ericamzdm]

If people are responsible for their choices, then they're responsible for their choices.

If it's you who decides to donate to charity, apply for that promotion, or finally walk away from a toxic relationship - then it was also you who chose to drop $50 on lotto tickets, screamed at your co-worker, and cut off friends because 'how dare you criticize them just because they hit me!'

It can't be Holy and Immuteable Self Determination when people make the 'right' choices, but The Posessing Spectre of Trauma(/abuse/mental illness/cost/concequence) when they don't. Agency is the capacity to make choices - all choices - not just to "chose correctly".

And sure, there are conversations to be had about context and constraints - the things that influence our choices, the practical limits of what we can make choices about - but you can't have those conversations if your first reaction to any choice you don't like is to decree it an unexaminable and unavoidable Act of The Trauma Gods.

[idkaguyorsomething]

Two personal preferences for the Jojolands: it does not end on a downer note and that the author does not play Jodio's mental illness for horror.

definitely gonna agree with you on the second one, though slight disagreement on the first one. part nine could very well be the last jojo’s we’re ever gonna get, so it makes a lot of sense that people are gonna want it to end on a happy note. and traditionally, every part has ended with the characters at least reaching some level of satisfaction and personal fulfillment, but there has ALWAYS been casualties along the way, ranging from that one side character to the entire core cast minus a literal child. the happiest ending we got was in part four, which definitely had a more relaxed slice-of-life vibe to it than part nine, which already parallels part five, a story where literally half the cast gets killed off as they brutally slaughter all their enemies. having everyone in the main cast survive to the end seems unlikely, and tbh, i do enjoy the fact that in a lot of jojo stories, anyone can die. even if i love these characters with all my heart, it is an effective narrative choice to kill them off in order to raise the stakes. nearly every death in this series feels like an emotional gut punch without sidelining the actual agency of the character being killed (rip george jr, the least important joestar). depending on what kind of story araki wants to tell, a bittersweet ending could be more effective than an unconditionally happy one. but hey, if it’s his final outing in the world he created, ¡he might actually feel like being merciful to his characters for once! and if it’s not, well, i’ll look forward to all the fix fics everyone writes where everyone lives.

as for jodio’s mental illness, this one has me a bit worried. araki has made a lot of dubious writing decisions in the past on sensitive topics like this (overuse of sa, “curing” johnny’s disability, side characters that come off as dated ethnic caricatures) but he has made a consistent effort to include a lot of demographics that don’t show up in a lot of manga, and his writing of characters from said demographics has considerably improved over time. tracking the women in his stories, from erina to lisa lisa to trish to jolyne to yasuho, and how they’re treated tells a fascinating story in and of itself. johnny has a lot of emotional depth and character beyond his disability. this series honestly has more black characters than any other manga/anime i can think of (though i haven’t watched afro samurai yet). there are absolutely problematic elements here to critique and pick apart, but i kinda prefer this flawed approach to representation than the nonexistent state of it in other similar stories. but getting back on track, araki has written a lot of shit in the past, so he could definitely fumble the ball again here. however, i personally think there’s currently more setup in the story for jodio to become more of an antihero in line with giorno or johnny. he’s on good terms with at least two of his family members, an achievement hitherto unheard of in this series, and he’s depicted as more of a goofy teen who makes bad decisions somewhat in line with the criteria for antisocial personality disorder than an irredeemable monster. it’s far too early in the story to tell where this is headed, though, so overall we just have to cross our fingers and hope that araki goes for a more sensitive, nuanced portrayal of a protagonist with aspd instead of going all “lol he’s joDIO what did you expect”

[ashadowofburnedoutstardust]

Ok anon

A lot of the time my posts are injected with a lot of sarcasm for the purposes of Tumblr entertainment value, however today I'm going to take a moment to just.....be myself

I'm going to be very honest about my opinion so I hope you can appreciate my point of view and the candor with which I present it

From my point of view, and looking back at his personal history in Hollywood circles, I wouldn't blame him for being truly nervous around women and not being able to find someone he could trust given the clout chasers in his close circles spying on the fans and whose information he was relying on skewing his viewpoint as well as influencing his more personal choices, as well as thirsty people that use their association as a reason to call the Paparazzi or the tabloids simply for the attention value, much like we have seen with this latest PR campaign attempt (complete failure however has been the overall result)

His team and agency have taken advantage of him and tried to use him as a vehicle for someone they already KNEW was the polar opposite to his personal values and when he didn't co-operate, they punished him further for it

No offence intended anon, but none of the fans believe he chose THAT person in any capacity, and for the most part "Team Real" is using it to troll people because whether they will admit it or not, a part of them is also disappointed in the association and have been taking their anger out on him instead of the people that caused it, his team and hers

I will offer a short explanation of how I view relationships

I have noticed in my time that a lot of women seem to love glossing over things when it simply just isn't the right fit when it comes to dating, and rather than acknowledge when it just isn't gelling properly, they convince themselves that something must be wrong with the other person....

IMO friendship comes first

It's the basis of everything, I think there have been far too many women who he may have "dated" who treated him as either an object, or a means to an end, and he simply lost interest or saw them for who they really were and why they were there

Over time that can make it incredibly difficult to open up to someone new, (I'm not even famous and I have a hard time with it) and can be especially common if he was stuck with being restricted to certain circles for socialising, the bright light of the Hollywood jungle attracts a particular type of competitive attention seeking blood sucking parasitic personality type....

I think some of THOSE people you mentioned need to learn the difference between who they think he is, and his real character, and perhaps admit to themselves they were so swept up in the attention thinking him just trying to be nice meant more than it actually did

We've all been there, so I'm going to grant him that grace, I know what it's like getting burned that way

In a genuine friendship or relationship it's not something that needs to be forced, or faked.....

......or mysteriously dropped on fan forums......

....much like we've seen with all of these scheduled drops of "random pics" that can always be dated to another period of time.....

His fandom knows him better than most, (with maybe the exception of his Mama) and clearly much better than whomever it was that took over after Jim left and he had to go with new and unfamiliar people who apparently don't have his best interests at heart, otherwise they would have protected him better like we have been doing because unlike his team, his fans are well aware of his anxiety and what it can do to him

Mental illness is not a weapon his team should be using against him

"If it's not already apparent to them, it's time to admit defeat before it costs them more than they can afford" is something I would say to them if it already wasn't too late to do so

They have been outed not just to the fandom but even now the circles are back talking openly now the strike is over instead of just watching the fandom with fascination

We could literally just sit here for months and regardless of what comes out or gets dropped, nothing is going to give them the result they were hoping for, the money boat has sunk

So I will say this instead

Don't fuck with Cevanstans ✌️

Quote me

🤍🪽✨

[m0tel6mxzzy]

mixed thoughts on black female rage

i understand the want for “feminine rage” to be inclusive to black women and then i remember the only black actresses some ppl know are angela bassett taraj p henson and zendaya, but also a lot of those white “feminine rage” female characters were never meant to be liked or sympathized w in their awful actions. taraj p henson in hidden figures is supposed to be bc she’s dealing w racism in a segregated time.

dre from swarm is the only character i can think of where she’s allowed to be hurt and angry but that doesn’t justify her committing serial murder. she’s the only character to the extent of say (90s film) lisa rowe or whatever where mental illness does not excuse her incredibly harmful behavior and there isn’t some barrier where there is an attempt to excuse her actions to make her “palatable.”

ginny from ginny and georgia expresses her anger and upset at her upbringing stemming from hidden depression, but again this isn’t palatable enough for fans of georgia who thinks she’s a golden egg who can do no wrong, so once again we’re rather limited in what’s considered “female rage.” it has to be palatable and excusable and stemming from trauma—racial or otherwise, and cannot impose on well liked white female main characters who may equally make rash decisions based on emotion that harm others.

ginny can be angry because hell yeah we’re progressive and love female rage, but it can’t be at how georgia refuses to communicate as a parent and keeps secrets that impose on her ability to have a normal school experience. ginny should be also marcus’s therapist for his depression and be able to notice something he has hidden, but ppl have called ginny spoiled for opening up to her father abt her own when she was struggling because she “doesn’t appear grateful enough.”

rue was also not supposed to sympathized w for her abusive behavior toward gia and jules in 2x05, but to justify her anger at feeling betrayed from the intervention, many ppl will minimize gia and jules as characters and act like their concern for her and feeling of hurt and fear is unfounded which goes against their whole idea “women need to be free to feel negative emotions.”

but then that goes down to the idea that for black women to fully express negative emotions, the people hurt in the process of feeling ours fully in a less than docile manner (even if they’re also women in minority groups equally under-represented in “female rage”) don’t matter. that we have zero responsibility for our actions and thus no agency over them when angry.

that rue is not at all responsible for her actions and who it affects if it means she gets to express being upset. which makes zero sense to me. but also, if it’s not for a reason we feel we want to identify w (ex: ginny being depressed from her mother forcing her to constantly move) suddenly they’re ungrateful, being a brat, and spoiled. because ppl can’t identify as closely w/ gia or jules who’ve dealt w/ the fear and betrayal in having a loved ones exposed to addiction, this is the exact terminology used to minimize the emotional and physical harm rue causes them when she’s incredibly violent and/or cruel with them during her withdrawals.

it can be equally true “rue lied to her loved ones because she was sick and that doesn’t excuse insulting and screaming at them to deflect from her actions” and “rue felt isolated bc her entire life she’s been seen as this poster child for sobriety she feels she can’t fulfill and is too much pressure, and not one is listening to her, making her feel all the more forced to hide her issues except from ppl who are familiar w drugs and understand why she’d turn to them” such as fezco or elliot.

which is much more complex of a way to analyze rue as a character than “because rue has mental illness, she suddenly has zero agency over her actions and can harm people however she wants and it’s by no means an active choice she’s choosing to make.” or just saying ginny is ungrateful and georgia is a perfect parent who’s done nothing wrong in raising ginny ever.

[marcelinesghost13]

Hi Blog so the last couple days have been very stressful.... So back on Wednesday I got a call that my dad was at the ER. Some Mystery Woman found him unconscious on the floor and called 911. Because of his health issue instead of going to the VA hospital they diverted him to a different hospital that specializes in cardiology. Over the last couple days the doctor have been running a lot of different tests on him. So they've come to the conclusion that my dad is basically dying due to a lot of different health issues that is going on in his body on top of that there's his age and his unwillingness to take medication.

I was always mentally preparing for this day to happen and I knew I was going to have to step up and figure out a puzzle of how to financially take care of him. How to take responsibility of his finances. And how do they care of his health issue that was going to be an ongoing thing.

I've been getting a lot of different calls from different health agencies asking me about what I want to do with him and I have been having to make some very hard decisions. I have been having to do a lot of research on what to do with him how to handle a lot of different things that are going on. And I am doing this 100% by myself. My wife is not helping me in any way whatsoever.

What my wife is doing is yelling and screaming and acting like a narcissistic child. Wanting to know who my dad is fucking who is this person that rescued my dad. Did somebody come in and beat the crap out of my dad. Like she has all these stories and theories that are just I don't know kind of crazy. Because she's insisting that my dad is doing all these secret little things behind everybody's back. And my thought process to that is it really really matter at this point what the hell he was doing. But she's insisting that it's important. And she's getting more angry with me because I'm not feeding into that negative energy that she is angry with him about his behavior and him ending up the way he is ending up healthwise. She wants to me to be angry with her about my dad not doing the best he could have done to stay healthy. And I just don't see the point in that like I said before the man has made his mistakes and now we all have to live with those mistakes that he made. We have to live with all those bad health choices then he made. It is what it is and I don't understand why you need to be negative and angry about it and getting angry with other people because they're unwilling to be angry with you. I don't know that's just how she works I guess I just can't do that negative energy thing anymore. And I just can't do the I'm angry and jealous of everything and anything that around me that I disagree with. She has this idea that people should behave a certain way and act a certain way and do things a certain way because that's the way she lives her life. And when I question it and tell her no people off the right to do whatever they want however they want to do it it's their choice. That just lights a fire under her ass and pisses her off. And then somehow I become the child and a narcissistic asshole and I don't understand how that is but narcissistic people like to gaslight the shit out of others that way the light's not turned on them so yeah whatever. And let's not forget them how she made a bad decision and how I ruined her life and so did my family.

So in any case things have been kind of crazy the last couple days and I've been dealing with both of my two and only loved ones. That are on two totally different worlds at this point. They are both very much sick and they are both very much ill. And I deal with each of them differently because that's the only thing I really can do. I do have a couple people around me that are making sure that I'm mentally okay and I'm not losing my shit which I totally appreciate. Unfortunately I've been doing this rodeo dance for very long time. And there are days that is mentally draining but for the most part I got it pretty handled. The only thing that I need to learn how to do a little bit better than I do is to actually open up and tell people how I'm feeling and what is actually going on. I'm kind of bad at that thing. But that has to do with trust issues that I have. It's hard for me to express my feelings because I have been told my whole life not to be a pussy and not to have the feelings that I have and the emotions made out when things are happening. So I just bottle all that shit up and move on with my day. Are you the exact same thing when the shit hits the fan I don't really talk about it because then my subconscious mind I think that the people that I'm telling things to are going to turn around and stab me in the back because it's happened so many times to me there is a serious lack of trust with people. So yeah that is everything that is going on at this time.

Thank you for reading my blog if you have I greatly appreciate it. If you have any questions about my blog or want to leave a comment feel free to I will answer everything. And I hope you have a beautiful day thanks for reading again.

080320241600

[marahuyomae]

His Mother's Prodigy: A Decision of Moral Justice: The Bitter Cost of Doing What is Right.

The road to redemption can be a difficult and treacherous one, and for Osamu, a former member of the notorious Yokohama mafia, it's no exception. Despite his best efforts to live an honest life, a part of his past still haunts him, and he struggles to reconcile with the man he once was.

But when Osamu meets an innocent young lad in need of rescue, he finds himself in the position of helping someone who reminds him of the person who originally introduced him to a life of crime. Even as the prospect of doing good weighs heavily on his heart, he grapples with the difficult decision of choosing to do what is right, while navigating the demons of his past.

Alternate title: Dazai gets peer pressured (More likely that it is work pressure)

Osamu Dazai is a peculiar yet idle individual with exaggerated pride in his abilities. Despite his attempts to act elusive, Dazai's demeanor revealed him to be transparent to anyone with similar cognitive capabilities. As much as he might look like a very great of a man, he was simply a Narcissus with a head, the beauty he was but with burdening intelligence instead. Despite his impressive physical attributes, People may have admired his unique gestures and enigmatic demeanor. Still, his carefree attitude and youthful exuberance seemed ill-suited for his role as a detective. In truth, he might have found more fulfillment in pursuing a career as an actor, model, or performer, with his distinctive appearance likely drawing attention.

But enough of describing such a portrait of the significance of something similar to another Dorian Gray- the more we talk about him, the more he would feel like a balloon soaring too high. Let's go back and retrace our steps to what he is currently doing, lazing on the Armed Detective Agency's couch as he hums the tune of a very concerning choice of song.

Osamu's colleague/partner was seated in the farthest corner of the office, grumbling about wasted time. The two had a significant workload, yet they risked further delays if Osamu's laziness continued to interfere. 

Kunikida's eyes drifted toward Osamu's relaxed state, accompanied by a heavy sigh. "Please show a bit of consideration and pay attention to the President's instructions now. As Atsushi has made clear, the work we need to accomplish has been piling up due to your lack of cooperation," the taller man stated, indicating the albino who had begun bemoaning the consequences of Osamu's self-centeredness.

Dazai is humming the lyrics to a rather morbid suicide song. He rolls his eyes, annoyed and bored with the lecture but remains silent, not wanting any sort of confrontation. He looks over at Atsushi, who has finished his complaints, and he sighs. “I know, I know... I'm just so tired! Plus, these files are so boring... Do I have to work with these files? It's so unfair!” Dazai says, sarcastically.

Kunikida gazes at Atsushi, watching him finally stand up in apparent annoyance at Osamu's response. "If you are feeling ill today, it is only acceptable for us to carry on without you, but you should have informed us sooner if you were feeling overstimulated," the taller man mutters, to which Atsushi nods in agreement.

"Indeed, Kunikida-san is correct. If you felt unsteady or overwhelmed, it would have been acceptable for you to stay home and relax, as we are quite capable of fulfilling our obligations on our own," Atsushi supplements their senior's statements, offering assurances.

Osamu's reaction to their tolerance made his heart stop and his stomach churn, overwhelmed by the realization that he had repeatedly exploited their empathy for his benefit, resulting in their kindness feeling like a waste. He was ashamed of himself for continually utilizing his mental condition as an excuse to avoid work, while feeling powerless due to his inability to proceed with his tasks, despite his desires. This left him feeling nauseous and disheartened.

Dazai looks shocked as if his mind is in a spiral of thought. He wasn't expecting such an understanding reply and was taken off guard. He feels ashamed for exploiting his mental condition all this time. ‘They haven't given up on me yet... I can't just betray their kind demeanor like this..’ he thinks to himself.

While he had no energy to perform tasks at the moment, Osamu was able to push aside his negative emotions and force himself to get up and join his colleagues in their shared obligations. Dazai gets up and pulls out a file, he opens it and begins reading. He's silent and surprisingly attentive. He takes notes and appears very focused. He still feels shame for the recent events, but he's working through his guilt to be of assistance.

Kunikida and Atsushi both gaze at Osamu with gratitude, occasionally offering gentle gestures of support such as patting his shoulder or providing refreshments to assist him in his tasks. In addition, Kunikida expresses concern by repeating the question, "Are you sure you can manage? We do not wish to make you feel worse or fatigued?" He proceeds to jot down notes in his notebook to monitor Osamu's condition for the next 40 minutes.

While his mind still lingers on the previous events, he's determined to stay focused on his current task. Even though he was tired, he was getting work done. He replies to Kunikida, "No worries. I'm fine!" while taking a swig of coffee. He resumes work, making it obvious that he's trying his best to get his job done.

Kunikida nods as he briefly scrutinizes his notes again. "My apologies, I left out a significant piece of information. We are scheduled to investigate the Osanbashi Yokohama International Passenger Terminal this afternoon due to reports of suspicious activity from nearby residents.", he informs, taking a break to re-evaluate their schedule. Kunikida seems concerned about the amount of effort Osamu may be capable of mustering after an earlier crisis, not wanting to overtax his partner who has special needs. "I do understand if you are not feeling up to the task. Let's ask the President to allow you to depart early if that's what you prefer.", he offers, expressing accommodation to Osamu's situation.

‘Special needs... Huh..’ Dazai thinks to himself, not wanting to be perceived as someone with issues. He's determined to make it seem like he's perfectly normal. "Nonsense! I can do the job. Just a little tiring, nothing more. I'll be able to keep up just fine." Dazai says, taking on a reassuring tone.

Despite Osamu's attempts to downplay his condition, Kunikida is aware that his partner has particular requirements and chooses not to push him to his limits. Therefore, he opts to permit Osamu's participation while reminding him to wrap up as many duties as possible before handing the necessary files over to Tanizaki to ease the burden. "That seems reasonable. Finish up your tasks and entrust the necessary paperwork to Tanizaki if necessary...", Kunikida grants while maintaining mindfulness of Osamu's welfare.

Dazai nods and returns to his work, finishing up his current tasks within the allotted timeframe. As he finished up, he gathered the necessary files and handed them over to Tanizaki. It was then when the fatigue finally set in on him, his head starting to whirl and his vision blurring. He tries to focus, but his fatigue and exhaustion make it difficult to concentrate.

Kunikida, upon sighting Dazai's state, looks back one more time and queries, "Are you certain you have the stamina to join us? Avoid overextending yourself."

Dazai sighs. It is obvious that he is not feeling his best, but he continues to put on a front. He responds to Kunikida's concerns, "I'll be fine. It's just a little fatigue. I've dealt with worse." Dazai's breathing grows heavy and his head begins to spin. This was his limit.

(Your rizz is a rizz-training order)

Kunikida was acutely aware of Dazai's limitations and knew that his partner often spoke about what he could not accomplish. He understood Dazai well enough to recognize when he was brushing off work and knew that Dazai needed rest. During such moments, Kunikida would only sigh at Dazai's stubbornness and strive to reach a compromise, "Come along then, but do keep in mind that there's three of us, don't take all the work for yourself when we get there."

Dazai knows that Kunikida is wise in his behavior and habits, and he's rather persistent in keeping him from pushing himself too hard. He feels that he is just being stubborn, and perhaps his partner is right. Still, he doesn't wish to appear like a liability by leaving the rest of the work to his partners. Thus, he tries to maintain his composure as the three arrive at the Osanbashi Yokohama International Passenger Terminal.

At the Terminal, Kunikida takes the lead in conducting the investigation, surveying the surroundings and questioning nearby residents. Osamu is quieter than usual, taking sporadic notes and remaining aloof. Kunikida takes a few minutes to assess the situation, taking note of the fact that Dazai is not feeling well, before making a decision. He decides to let Dazai rest, asking Atsushi to accompany him instead. “I think it’s best if Dazai sits this one out. Let’s not tax him and have him rest. Atsushi, you can come with us instead.” Kunikida offers while checking in on his partner. The trio of detectives arrived at the Osanbashi Yokohama International Passenger Terminal later in the evening. The terminal was located on an artificial island in Tokyo Bay and featured an iconic architectural design of suspension bridges. It was a bustling terminal with commuters rushing to catch their flights or ships.

The three detectives began their investigation while maintaining a distance from one another. Kunikida and Atsushi were searching the area while Dazai took notes on the environment. Overall, the investigation goes smoothly and without issue, with Osamu completing his duties and maintaining his composure despite his fatigue. Kunikida and Atsushi's support and understanding of Dazai's situation make it possible for him to continue his work despite his limitations.

After completing their examination of the area, Dazai felt strangely unsettled. He looked around, trying to understand why so many civilians would complain about what seemed like nothing out of the ordinary. He reviewed his written notes, taking in the fragrant aromas of vanilla, anise, benzaldehyde, and almonds wafting off the pages. Despite the lack of obvious signs of suspicious activity, Dazai couldn't shake off the feeling that something was amiss.

"Hey, are you doing okay? You seem a little off." Kunikida inquired, breaking his silence as he examined their surroundings.

"I don't know... It's hard to put my finger on it, but there's something off-putting about this place." Dazai replied, visibly unnerved as he scribbled notes and scrutinized his written observations.

After walking in circles and intently studying every single syllable and word, Dazai came to a potential conclusion. Although the air was rife with a strong scent of iron, he considered the possibility of the pipes being the source. The reason why people would complain about rusty pipes despite the recent replacements and approvals could be attributed to either Phantosmia or an infection in the nasal passages caused by the heat and humidity lately. However, since the Terminal is not a closed space with the potential for suffocation due to heat, he wondered what could cause these complaints.

"So, what you're suggesting is that the smell of metal is coming from a leak in the pipework?" Kunikida inquiries, his face still bearing traces of concern.

"While that might explain the metallic scent, I find it hard to believe that the leaks are solely responsible for the complaints. After all, we're dealing with civilians, and they wouldn't simply cry foul over an unpleasant odor. There must be some deeper issue at hand," Dazai replies, still scribbling down his observations as he speaks.

"As we just pointed out, a damaged pipe isn't the source of the metallic scent. In addition, there's a sickeningly sweet, rotten fruit-like smell that mingles with it," Atsushi speaks with an exasperated sigh, his keen sense of smell being hindered by the strange odor in the air.

"You raise a good point. If damaged pipes were to blame, we would have likely come across the same issue in other locations by now. It appears to be an isolated issue," Dazai responds, crossing off some of the previous hypotheses as they attempt to narrow down the source of the peculiar scent.

With a fresh piece of data delivered by his companions, Dahzai's investigation shifted to other areas frequently frequented outside the terminal. The aroma intensified, becoming increasingly pungent and disgusting, and he felt a sharp stinging in his nasal passages as if the air was irritating his sinus cavity. He scanned his surroundings as sweat poured from his brow, the scent reminding him of his youth with the Port Mafia. The stench was almost too familiar as if it were a signature perfume he had worn for years.

His mind drifted back to his time with the Port Mafia, where the same intense odor lingered in the air. Uncomfortable with the familiar scent, he brought his stride to an abrupt stop, his eyes wandering to a particular location. His heart started to hammer in his chest, and his breathing became shallow as he slowly approached what seemed like a small storage shed in the distance.

With urgency in his voice, Dazai called, "Atsushi! Kunikida! I've discovered the source! Hang back for now!" He instructed, motioning for Atsushi to restrain Kunikida from advancing, heeding his command to stay at a safe distance.

Kunikida's expression shifted to one of slight anxiety as he noticed Dazai's sudden change in disposition. He promptly heeded his companion's instructions, halting with Atsushi while keeping a watchful eye.

"Are you sure this is a wise move?" Kunikida muttered, evidently concerned.

Dazai failed to acknowledge his colleague's query as his full attention was focused on the small storage shed door before them. He cautiously examined the entrance and proceeded to turn the knob, making sure to be mindful of any potential hazards.

The knob's surface was slick with perspiration as his mind raced, terrified of the imminent revelation he was about to uncover. The terrible aroma was too familiar and made him feel queasy, urging him to turn away and avoid the danger that was sure to come. However, despite the growing dread, he took a deep breath and turned the knob quickly, allowing the horrid fragrance to seep out like an explosion. The smell was overwhelming, inducing a near-gag sensation as he forced himself to keep his lunch down. His nose crinkled, and the taste of the delectable dishes prepared by Kunikida for their lunch break soured on his tongue. Clenching his fingers to his nose, he prepared to confront the source of the horrendous scent.

A wave of nausea engulfed Dazai again as the putrid scent assaulted him, almost causing him to lose his balance. His body's natural defense mechanisms kicked in, and he began to drench in perspiration, his abdomen threatening to expel all prior meals. He was cognizant of the source behind the smell and anticipated what would await him as he opened the tiny storage room's door. Despite his mind desperately attempting to force him to run from the confined area, he trudged forth, summoning all the courage he could muster.

His trembling fingers searched carefully along the perimeter, straining to locate the light switch until he felt his fingers brush against a small metal lever. With a light flick, a dim light flickered and buzzed above his head, illuminating the tiny room containing a gruesome sight. Dazai stood motionless in the space for what felt like an eternity as the lightbulbs sizzled and crackled, his hearing filled with their echoes. His stomach turned at the sight before him, his throat almost closing upon itself to keep his vomit down. The unfortunate girl lay lifelessly on a chair, her clothing stained with dried blood that had long turned brown, as though death itself kissed her already and would greet her in the afterlife if he did not intervene.

The memory of his life in the Port Mafia flashed before Dazai's eyes, his mind drowning in a sea of anger and resentment. The stench was sickening, the taste of regret and shame welled in his mouth, his stomach threatening to betray him at any instant. It was all too familiar, and he knew he had to act fast. Moving to the body, he approached it cautiously and evaluated it for further wounds. The girl's lifeless eyes met his own, and he couldn't help but feel like her spirit was calling out to him for help, to save her from whatever horror she faced before it was too late. The weight of the world's pain and suffering seemed to rest on his shoulders, the guilt becoming too much to bear.

A wave of relief washed over Dazai as his index finger brushed over the girl's neck, his hand finally sensing a slight beat - a pulse - that was almost too quiet to be true. However, the gentle vibration was evident, instilling a sliver of hope in his chest. The relief of knowing the girl was still alive and had a fighting chance helped calm his racing mind and steady the shaking in his legs. He could finally breathe again, his anxiety easing as he realized his presence might still make a difference.

With an almost inaudible murmur, Dazai confirmed that the girl was alive, his voice barely carrying beyond his lips. Despite the relief coursing through his veins, he struggled to keep his composure and remain grounded, trying hard not to let his emotions overcome him.

"Her heart is beating... she's alive, she's alive," Dazai whispered to himself, his voice quavering with concern. He carefully shifted the blouse that had concealed the girl's injury, examining the spot. He prayed silently in his mind, "Oh please, let her be alright. Let her injuries not be severe..."

Dazai's blood pumped so fast in his chest, that it felt like a macabre rhythm that threatened to break his sanity. He stood abruptly when his eyes caught sight of a yellow scab, an infection, a physical representation of his fears and a stark reminder that time was of the essence. With the girl's small form cradled in his arms, he bolted to safety at top speed, the weight of her body reminding him of her fragility and vulnerability. He felt his legs burn, and sweat beaded on his forehead as he ran, each step feeling like it might be his last. Every second counted, and he could only pray that his efforts were not in vain.

Dazai dashed out of the storage shed, his mind and senses becoming more focused with each step he took in carrying the girl to safety. It was a race against the clock and he knew that every second counted. As he exited the shed, he could hear the sounds of the other detectives calling for him. His heart began to race even faster as he approached the detectives' locations.

"What is it, Dazai-san?" Atsushi's voice called for him as he saw his mentor running towards them, the unconscious body in his arms.

With an almost disbelieving look, Kunikida turns towards Dazai and sees the unconscious girl.

"Dazai... you found her?" Kunikida knew they would find something, but it wasn't in his expectation to find a half-dead body.

Dazai's voice gains strength as he sets the girl down and gives a thorough assessment. "She's alive. Faint pulse, but there's breath too. She must have been stuck in here for hours, but the miracle is that she survived all this time."

Kunikida's gaze lingers on her for a few more seconds, his eyes assessing her condition and the gravity of her wounds. "This is nothing short of miraculous... if she can make it, she's the luckiest girl in the whole world."

Dazai never believed in miracles, but he hoped that Kunikida was right. 

While Dazai's past was checkered with acts of violence, his mindset evolved. With age came a certain degree of perspective, a recognition that life was precious and that even his worst enemies did not necessarily deserve death. So when he looked at the innocent girl, who wore frills and a dress that should have been white, his mind was devoid of any murderous intent. He wished for a miracle, for her to live and not suffer any further harm.

Dazai and Kunikida remained focused on the girl, carefully watching as her breathing and heart rate slowly showed signs of improvement. Kunikida continued to inspect the girl's condition, noting the lack of response and the pale color of her skin.

"We need to get her to the hospital immediately. She may need medical attention if she's been exposed to any toxins," Kunikida said, his expression turning serious.

Dazai, meanwhile, continued to monitor the girl's breathing and lungs, making sure she was still able to get air into her system.

"We should call for medical help," Atsushi suggested, clearly trying to be of assistance and contribute to the situation.

As the group of detectives considered their options, their minds seemed to be racing with questions and concerns for the unconscious girl. They all knew the urgency of the situation and were determined to do whatever was necessary to help her.

Dazai suddenly spoke up, with a determined expression on his face. His hands shook slightly, but the conviction in his voice was undeniable. "Call the fastest company vehicle, we need Yosano-sensei. This is a matter of utmost urgency, and we must keep it a secret for now," he ordered, his gaze fixed on Kunikida. The man nodded, then hastily exited the terminal with a phone in hand. Atsushi quickly followed, eager to help Dazai carry the girl. They knew that this situation required the immediate attention of their most trusted physician, and they were determined to do whatever was necessary to ensure the girl received the best care possible.

As the trio swiftly exits the terminal, they prepare to carefully lift the girl out of the building and place her in the waiting Company vehicle. Since Company vehicles can be ordered for many reasons, the one with the quickest response time is requested.

"Atsushi, you make sure her head is safe. I'll take care of her legs," Dazai instructs, getting ready to transport the unconscious girl out of the terminal and into the waiting car. He's being extra cautious to ensure that she's not further injured during the transportation process.

As the car pulls up and comes to a stop, the trio quickly gets in and settles in for the ride. Kunikida sits up front, while Atsushi and Dazai huddle in the back with the unconscious girl lying across their laps. The tension of the situation hung heavy in the air, with a tense silence enveloping the inside of the car. However, amid all the chaos, they all found a sense of relief in knowing that she was now in capable hands and that they were doing all they could to ensure her survival.

At this moment, Dazai appears to be somewhat relieved that they are on their way to the detective agency, where Yosano-sensei, with her extensive experience and expertise, should be able to handle the situation appropriately.

"Yosano-sensei has the most experience in the field, so she's our best bet to handle this situation," Dazai says as they ride to the agency.

In response to his statement, Kunikida nods in agreement and mutters, "I agree. At least now we have someone we can trust to take care of her medical needs."

The trio's ride to the agency remains quiet, with none of them feeling like it's the right time to talk about anything. Kunikida quietly stares at his notebook, occasionally peering over to check on the girl behind him. Atsushi, on the other hand, continually glances out of the window, afraid to even look at the girl lying on his lap. Dazai, meanwhile, continues to observe the young girl's condition. As he wipes away perspiration and dirt from her face, he feels a strange connection and attachment to her innocence. As Dazai tends to the unconscious girl, he's acutely aware of the delicate and vulnerable state she's in. He takes the time to clean away the sweat and dirt from her face and gazes at her youthful features. Despite never having seen her before, he feels a strong sense of protectiveness over her, almost as if she's his child.

"We'll do everything in our power to ensure she gets the medical care she needs... she will survive," he whispers to himself, still recovering from the shock of the situation.

As Dazai looks upon the unconscious girl, he is overcome by a strange feeling of familiarity. She seems to resemble a hazy memory from his childhood, and he can't quite place why. As he continues to stare at her pale face, a sense of unease grows within him. He doesn't understand why he feels a connection to this stranger. Dazai's thoughts are consumed by the strange sense of familiarity he feels towards the unconscious girl lying in his arms. As he stares at her face, a feeling of unease and confusion washes over him. It's as if he's seen the girl before, but he can't quite place where or when. The longer he gazes at her, the more intense the feeling becomes. His entire mind is lost in this state of perplexion and uncertainty.

As Dazai looks down at the face of the unconscious girl, a fleeting vision of a mischievous doctor flashes through his mind. The doctor, the leader of the Port Mafia, was someone he had once seen as his equal. The memory brings a bitter smile to his face, as thoughts of the hurt he had suffered at the hands of Mori Ougai flood back to him. It was an event that had forever changed their relationship.

Dazai can't help but find a sense of irony in the fact that such an innocent-looking girl could bear a striking resemblance to his former boss. The more he stares at her, the more it seems that she might be a physical manifestation of everything that had gone wrong between him and Mori. The memory of his old partner brings up a mix of emotions within him, and he can't help but wonder if he will ever be able to let go of the past.

As Dazai gazes down at the unconscious girl, the memories of his past with Mori Ougai begin to flood his mind. He can't help but feel a sense of guilt over how their relationship ended, even though he knows it was for the best. As he continues to study her features, he's struck by the uncanny resemblance she bears to his former boss and mentor. Was she somehow linked to the past that he so desperately wanted to leave behind? Could she be a physical manifestation of everything that had gone wrong between them? He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to let go of the past, but the memories refused to leave him.

As they reach the entrance, Atsushi quickly gets out of the vehicle and tries to remove the unconscious girl. He's met with Dazai's hand on the girl's body, though, and the older man refuses to let go. Atsushi is left puzzled as to why Dazai would prevent him from seeking medical assistance for the girl. "Dazai-san... the girl's infection...?"

"What infection?" Dazai snaps, still gripping the girl's body tightly. He's suddenly unsure if he wants to save her after all. It's an ugly thought, but one he can't shake.

Atsushi is left puzzled by Dazai's refusal to let go of the unconscious girl. Despite her dire infection, Dazai remains unmoved. He doesn't seem at all concerned about her wellbeing and instead, holds onto her as though his life depended on it. Atsushi's gaze turns towards Dazai, hoping to find some sort of rational explanation for his behavior.

"Dazai-san, is there something wrong? Why won't you let her go?" Atsushi asks, trying to gain a better understanding of the situation.

The trance Dazai finds himself in quickly fades as the reality of what he's doing sets in. The girl lying unconscious before him bears a striking resemblance to his former mentor and boss, the leader of the Port Mafia. Despite knowing that letting her live would be the morally correct choice, the thought of her resembling someone who had once caused him so much pain is overwhelming.

He knows that Atsushi won't understand his reasoning, but he tries to explain anyway. However, his words come out in a rush of emotions, making it difficult for his students to follow. With a heavy heart, Dazai reluctantly loosens his grip, allowing Atsushi to take the girl to get medical attention.

"I...." Dazai tries to get a handle on his sudden change in emotions. The realization of the girl's resemblance to his former mentor and boss is overwhelming, and he finds himself unable to explain his actions to his student. With a heavy heart and remorseful look on his face, he reluctantly loosens his touch on the girl, allowing Atsushi to take her away for medical care. Dazai can only watch helplessly as the girl leaves his care for the first time, wishing they could've found some other solution.

The panic immediately sets in as everyone rushes to the girl's side. Yosano begins her assessment of the girl's condition, quickly diagnosing her with acute sepsis. The girl is rushed to the infirmary, where she is placed on one of the hospital beds. The pure white sheets contrast her ghostly appearance, further exacerbating her condition from the lack of blood flow and difficulty breathing.

The girl's condition is dire, but the doctor is doing everything she can to save her life and keep her alive.

Thou Shalt Not Die

君 死 給 勿

As the doctor spoke, a stunning and graceful display unfolded before her. A flock of butterflies took flight around her poised form, their wing beats filling the air with a beautiful melody. The doctor's eyes were determined as if she were the goddess of the sun, Amaterasu, who shone a blessing upon those below her. With fiery resolve, she sought to save the young life before her.

The multitude of butterflies descended upon the wounded child, their proboscises delicately drawing nourishment from the injured flesh, akin to maggots in the process of decay. The butterflies persistently fed on the child's tissue, subsequently regurgitating it, contributing to the restoration and healing of the wound, ultimately returning it to its original form.

The delicate melody of the butterfly's wings resonates in the air, their graceful fluttering filling the environment with a harmonious melody. The doctor's eyes are determined, showing her resolve to save the life of the young child before her. The multitude of butterflies gracefully swirl around the child, their proboscis gently extracting nourishment from the injury, akin to maggots in the process of decay. The butterflies relentlessly feed on the tissue, eventually regurgitating it to aid in the restoration and healing of the wound.

They all watched as the child regained consciousness. Her expression quickly becomes one of relief as she sees the girl breathing comfortably. The doctor's lips curl up into a small smile at the healthy color returning to the child's face. Despite the girl still being disorientated, Yosano attempts to alleviate her confusion.

"It's alright, dear. You're safe here. No one will hurt you. Just take a deep breath and calm down..." The doctor, in a comforting and soothing manner, speaks to the child who has just awoken. 

The young girl's breathing becomes more and more stable as the doctor speaks to her in a comforting, soothing manner. Her expression shifts into one of relief, with a healthy color returning to her face, alleviating her confusion and disorientation. The doctor assures her that she is safe, and no one will harm her. The child takes a deep breath, taking the doctor's advice, and begins to calm down.

As the child slowly gains her bearings, she queries with a soft and barely audible voice, "Wha-what...? Where am I...?”

"Shh... Shhhh... Shhh... It's okay, honey, you're safe. Please, don't panic!" Yosano gently speaks to the child, using her most reassuringly sweet voice. She leans in closer to her and whispers.

"We're at the Armed Detective Agency. I'm Doctor Yosano. Remember, don't try to talk too much. It'll hurt your throat, okay? Take some deep breaths." The doctor gently rubs the child's back and guides her to engage in a series of slow, controlled breaths. As they slowly inhale and exhale, the doctor offers instructions, urging the child to remain calm and focus on her breathing.

The child, still trembling but gradually calming down, takes the opportunity to observe her surroundings. As she looks around, she studies the people in the room, taking note of the doctor who is instructing her. With her keen aubergine eyes, the young one turns her attention back to the doctor and poses her inquiry, "Was it acute sepsis?” she paused as she caught her breath, “I was on rounds to check on patients, but I accidentally left one of them unattended for a period. They were so incensed that they stabbed me with a scalpel out of spite. I didn't realize it at first, but soon after, I realized my mistake and the consequences I'd face. I didn't bother to tend to my wound, thinking it wasn't a big deal, but it turned out to be an infection..."

Dazai's eyes follow the conversation between the doctor and the girl. He notices that the doctor manages to keep the girl calm and relaxed, despite the serious condition she was previously in. As the doctor explains the cause of the infection, he realizes the circumstances that led to the injury.

Yosano instructed the brunet and albino to vacate her vicinity so that she could continue with the young girl’s care. At this point, Yosano realized that the child was a medical student- although they looked too young to perform hospital rounds. However, the incident gave her reason to pause and ponder her attitude and approach to her patients. She had to do better in the future, she realized, because if she didn't, she may end up causing more harm than good.

Dazai remains silent as he watches the interaction between the young girl and Dr. Yosano, taking note of how the doctor deals with the patient. Though he is happy to see that the girl is receiving proper medical care, he also notices the doctor's slight hesitation and pondering, which makes him curious. He wonders what the doctor is thinking and whether she is considering an adjustment to her practice as a result of the incident. Yosano shoos Dazai away, having noticed that he didn't fully leave her vicinity despite her instructions. Dazai, curious about what the doctor is thinking, lingers behind for just a little longer before finally heeding her orders, moving a reasonable distance away.

Out of stubbornness and curiosity, he hid behind the door to listen to their conversation, "So, you're a medical student?" Yosano asks with a smile. "And you're right about the sepsis." She adds.

The doctor watches the girl's movements with interest. She is observant, intelligent, and articulate, unlike most people her age. Even after undergoing such a traumatic injury, she is still able to speak eloquently and ask perceptive questions. She makes a mental note that this young female has potential.

Dazai remains hidden behind the door, listening to the conversation between the doctor and the young girl. He's curious to see how it plays out, and he takes note of the different traits and characteristics that the girl possesses despite her circumstances.

The child listens intently to the doctor's observation, slowly nodding her head to show her acknowledgment. Upon hearing the doctor's comment, her small form seems to swell with a sense of pride. With a soft voice, she responds, "Yes, that's correct. I'm a third-year medical student at Tokyo Medical School's college-prep course. Despite my young age, I'm proud to say that I have maintained high grades throughout my academic career."

Despite the lighthearted amusement on Yosano's face, the doctor takes a moment to ponder the intriguing piece of information that the child had inadvertently revealed. She notes with interest that the young one mentioned the Tokyo Medical School college-prep course instead of the present-day name of the university, the Faculty of Medicine, University of Tokyo. This revelation led Yosano to wonder if the child had arrived from the past, possibly 20 years ago or more, or if there was some other explanation for her statement.

Dazai remains hidden behind the door, listening to the conversation between the girl and Dr. Yosano, his curiosity peaking as the doctor ponders the revelation.

Dazai takes note of the doctor's reaction as she ponders the revelation that the girl may be from the past or at least 20 years ago. The notion intrigues him, and he wonders if there might be more to her than what meets the eye.

The doctor and the girl's conversation continues, with the doctor gradually shifting into a casual tone, teasing the young girl. Soon, the two begin bantering like they are familiar with each other, which catches the curiosity of Dazai who is still hidden behind the door and can't see the situation.

Dazai decides it's best to leave the doctor and young girl alone, realizing that the conversation has taken light and friendly direction, and they don't need any more interruptions.

He leaves the room, stepping outside to have a smoke, needing a moment to himself to clear his head to relieve some of the stress of the situation. He plans to take a break before facing the questions and concerns that Atsushi and the other detectives have for him.

 As Dazai puffed on his cigarette, he felt a sense of relief wash over him. Even though the girl resembled the leader of the Port Mafia, he had chosen to act according to his sense of right and wrong. It was a small victory in an otherwise difficult situation. He looked up at the sky, his thoughts turning to the friend he had lost.

He wished that Odasaku could somehow see that he had done the right thing.

[the-badger-mole]

A is for Ambition

I was having a conversation with a friend on the discord server I'm on about Azula, and this point came up about the sexism surrounding the way she was treated both by the canon reducing her actions to mental illness and by fandom tropes reducing her actions to her traumas. While I strongly believe that both her mental health and her past traumas had a hand in Azula's development, I think a lot of her character and actions (most of them, in fact) can also be attributed to her genuine ambition.

Ambition isn't bad in and of itself, and I think there is a version of Azula that could have used that ambition productively. But she didn't, and narratively speaking, that should be okay. What bothers me most about the idea of a redemption for Azula- and I know I've talked about this before- is that it doesn't take all of her motives for the choices she made into consideration. I don't like the way that dismissing her actions as the result of mental illness and abuse robs her of agency and reduces her to being a puppet. If there was one thing Azula was not, it was a puppet. Frankly, the dismissal of Azula's actions as a result of her mental state and upbringing smacks really strongly of misogyny. As if Azula in her natural state would be devoid of the ambition that made her so deadly. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I think all or even most of the people who want to redeem Azula and use her mental health and relationship with Ozai as an easy way to do it are misogynist, but I think the fact that those were presented as reasons to factory reset her and make her a loving supportive sister for Zuko did come from a misogynistic place. And it didn't start withing the fandom.

As a society, we have a problem letting women be villains without explaining it away somehow. There are scores and scores of stories of women who turned evil (or more accurately turned anti-hero) because she was scorned by a man, or abused, or otherwise hurt, usually by a man. Or she turned evil as a result of something happening to her child (obviously not the case here). Then there are the genre of women who turn evil because they feel threatened by another woman. There isn't a whole lot of space for a woman who wants to do evil things simply because they benefit her or because she enjoys them. The best example of a female villain who was in it for the love of the game that I can think of is the original Maleficent, and then they decided that making her more complex meant giving her a tragic backstory a la a very thinly veiled date rape allegory. There isn't a lot of space for a female villain who cursed a baby because she needed to remind these uppity humans who they were dealing with.

Azula was almost definitely abused by Ozai- and possibly even physically abused- but that wasn't all of her motivation. I would go as far as to say that wasn't even most of her motivation. Azula was a ruthless, cunning, ambitious girl, who enjoyed what she did. If there is going to be any redemption of her, that needs to be acknowledged first. But really, does she need to be redeemed?