#but like if you're in the mines you need to be extremely self sufficient

[whatwooshkai]

18!!

"Maybe we should call it a night," Boulder says gently.

"No," Chase says. "Not until I am confident these two are able to pass exams tomorrow."

Boulder gestures helplessly at Blades and Heatwave. Heatwave is face down on the table and hasn't responded to anything anyone's said for the past half hour, and Blades is staring daggers at a datapad, rotors constantly flicking in the vague gesture for "fuck off".

"Maybe we should call it a night," they say. "Recharge will probably be more useful than more studying."

"No," Chase says, harsher this time. One of his optics flicker, and Boulder winces in sympathy. "We will not fail. As a team, we are all responsible for each other's success, and I am determined to not fail them-" his vocoder suddenly cuts out with a burst of static.

Boulder gives him a sympathetic smile. "You seem pretty tired too, Chase. What are your levels at?"

Chase's mouth pulls into a frown that on any other bot would look like a pout. "No," he says, voice coming out clear this time. His optic flickers a little more. "My levels are perfectly acceptable and I am in no danger of shutting down," he says firmly, but the sentiment is a little less than believable with the haziness of his field and the way his doorwings and finials droop.

"Are you sure?" Boulder produces a cube from their subspace. "You don't look so good."

Chase's optics narrow. "I assure you, I am fine-"

He slams face first into the table.

Heatwave doesn't react, but Blades looks up. A hum Boulder had long since attributed to the ambience of the library suddenly stops, and Blades looks to Boulder. "Did I miss something?" he asks. His field teems with exhaustion as well.

Boulder sighs heavily, sticking the cube back in their subspace. "Nothing. We're packing up." They scoop up the datapads and shuffle those into their subspace as well, before walking around to Chase.

They gently pull a tube from their subspace, and just like back in the mines, pries open Chase's auxiliary fuel port, attaches the tube, sets it in the cube, and lets it be while they finish cleaning up.

Blades watches them with half-shuttered optics. "What are you doing?" he asks, staring suspiciously at Chase.

"He passed out," Boulder says, prying a datapad out from under Heatwave. He still doesn't stir. "I'm getting some fuel in him so he won't go into stasis. Here, give me a hand with Heatwave?"

Blades lethargically gets up and helps Boulder shuffle the unconscious firetruck onto their shoulders, before leaning against them.

"Stay awake," Boulder says playfully, giving Blades' shoulder a quick tap. "Don't make me carry you too."

"Never," Blades mumbles, but doesn't take his weight off of them.

Chase's clearly taxed systems take in the energon quickly, and his biolights get a brighter, but he doesn't stir. Boulder disassembles the feeding system and scoops up Chase by the waist under one arm. They take one look at Blades, then scoop him up under the other arm.

"Hey!" Blades protests weakly, but relaxes almost immediately, rotors drooping. "Y'know what, nevermind. Take me home."

Boulder shifts their shoulders so Heatwave settles a little more comfortably across them.

Then, with three mechs in tow, Boulder does as requested and heads home.

[brucewaynehater101]

HELLO LOVE <3333 kissing all ur posts on the head I'm loving loving the things u do on here !!! WOAHS !!! LIKE U ARE SO CREATIVE AND COOL bringing u silly flowers !!! Getting u a silly bouquet bouquet

:0 actually, I also wanted to hear what make you like Tim !!! What specifically makes him tick for you, what nuances you'd like people to understand about him and his story etc etc !!! I love hearing ppls interpretations (esp since I... myself am not particularly fond of him ;-; but !!!! I do do want to understand what makes people love him) so if you wouldn't mind :D that'd be swell to hear !!!! THANK U DEAR

You're so sweet, my lords. Thank you ^^ I appreciate the bouquet 💐

Also, I completely understand why some people don't like Tim. His 90's era chaotic self is fantastic, but also a bit misogynistic. DC also likes to throw him in every comic that has a Robin in it and try to smother him back into that role. I haven't seen this happening, but I've also heard that Tim fans can be assholes.

So yes. I 100% understand why some folk aren't the hugest fans.

Tim, for me, though, is so dear. Few reasons why:

His story is so fucking sad, my lords

His attitude is hilarious

He's badass and chaotic

He reminds me too much of my younger self

All the Bats are tragic. Ain't a single one who isn't. I typically like BAMF tragic characters.

Tim's story as Robin is fucking devastating. Hit after hit after hit he takes. Yet, he keeps going. I would not have survived what he did.

All the other batkids have sad stories, hilarious wit, are badass, and cause chaos. They share those wonderful qualities with Tim.

I also just really love how Tim's relationship with Bruce is different during his initial years as Robin (with only Steph and Duke being comparable). He wasn't Bruce's kid first. Tim didn't want nor need a parent. He also felt like he had to help Bruce (when a kid shouldn't be taking care of adults. Parentification sucks ass).

Tim became Robin for Bruce. The other Robins became Robin for themselves (which isn't bad! It's actually really rad how Robin helped them [and cursed them but whatever]).

Just... Tim didn't want to be Robin initially, and that strikes a chord. Then there's him working his ass off for that mantle. He's a little shit, but he's Tim.

There's also how YJ is treated by the other heroes.

There's Tim living in Jason and Dick's shadow.

It's the likeness to my younger self that really hits home.

If you don't want any personal details, the bottom line is that a lot of his history/characterization hits home.

Now... Tim is dear to me due to how much he resembles my younger self. I love Jason as well due to him representing more of my older self. However, Tim's thought processes are closer to mine. I also tend not to get angry often.

For history, my parents consistently chose work and alcohol over family. I had to take care of them. I often played mediator, family clown, or scapegoat (which is why I also relate to Jason [I go feral at those horrendous lines Bruce says to him. Have your parents ever stated regret for how they raised you? Have they ever hurt you and demanded you thank them? Fucking hell, Jason. I may not have died, but your relationship with Bruce is killing me]). I was considered "gifted" or smart in comparison to my siblings, despite them being extremely intelligent (they were in honor classes as well). I'm the middle kid, but I emotionally took care of my younger sibling after I turned fifteen (even though we used to get into horrendous fights).

Anyways, Tim has a pathetic mess of a background, but he's badass as well. He's self-sufficient because he had to be, and he's good at it.

I like smart characters that outwit their opponent. I like seeing Tim win.

[19thperson]

19th's Steam Next Fest Impressions Day 6

Day 0/Day 1/Day 2/Day 3/Day 4/Day 5

Touhou Gensou Mahjong

This game is... not an entry-level game. or at least it isn't right now. The tutorial and the single-player adventure mode meant to ease players in isn't in the demo. further, a lot of stuff has been left untranslated. Both in terms of "instead of calling it 'a win', it's called 'agari,'" and in terms of "the entire hand list is still entirely in kanji." So whatever is left is for severe mahjong heads.

And what is there for severe mahjong heads is interesting.

Every character has their own cheat skill, and most do match up with characters. Cirno freezes your hand, so you can only draw and discard. Sanae gets wind tiles free at the start of a round. Reimu can just shield up and say, "You can't take or win off my tiles for 3 turns." Add each table having different universal rules as well, and there's a lot of variations in play.

The game had net play, but I wasn't able to test it.

On Your Tail

Classical Cozy Mystery. You're a detective who has suffered a traffic accident while crossing through a beautiful seaside italian town. While waiting for your vespa to be repaired, you get embroiled in a series of crimes caused by a mysterious masked thief.

The main mechanic for mystery solving is your chronolens, a magnifying glass that shows what an area looked like in the near past. Spot differences between past and present to get clue cards. Once you have all the clues, you need to arrange them in order to recreate the crime.

The main issue with this is that it's easy to guess your way to a correct answer without understanding anything, but it was a tutorial case, so I assume later ones will have more to chew on.

Aside from solving mysteries, you explore the town and interact with inhabitants, sometimes doing minigames with them. Apparently, there's going to be some relationship meter/social link system, but the demo didn't show it off.

I like that knocking on random doors actually gives you conversations with characters that have names and profile pictures. It's looking like it'll be a really expansive cast. This game has real promise.

Caravan SandWitch

An open world exploration game. You play as a girl named Sauge who returns from living offworld on the incredibly creatively named "Space City" to her birth planet of Caligo, because she got a distress signal from her missing sister.

The gameplay loop in the demo is mostly exploring the surroundings for machine components, parkouring over the landscape and doing a couple simple quests.

Setting is the star here. The planet seems to have been extensively strip mined for resources by "The Consortium," but they've either been ousted or abandoned the place, while those who remain are trying to build a self sufficient society and repair the ecosystem.

The thing is, unlike a lot of solarpunk games, they are pretty straightforward that the entire arrangement... kinda sucks? better than living under the thumb of a megacorp, but things are barely holding together. And its repeatedly stated that you aren't the only one who has split looking for actual work.

Since the demo is so short its mostly a tone piece, and the tone is... familiar yet melancholic.

Also there are funny little frog guys.

If the primary thing you are looking for in a game is interesting exploration, it seems worth keeping an eye on.

Moon Mystery

I start the demo. Our protagonist is on what seems to be mars. He looks up to the sky and says:

"The Black Hole is getting closer! I gotta run!"

There is, in fact, a large black hole in the sky. I do not think this is a problem we can run from, but run we do, as debris is dragged into the sky.

I then come across enemy robots that the game prompts me to shoot in a combat tutorial. But I have no health bar nor take damage, so I just walk up and shoot at point blank range.

This continues until he jumps in a portal, and then he wakes up in his bed. It was a dream. And I just think, "Oh, that's why it was stupid."

Anyways the real story is that you are on a moon research mission, your two other companions got really sick after encountering The Mysterious Crystals, and you've lost contact with earth for a week. After seeing a calender that reminds him of his awful son's birthday, he decides "I'll go to the old abandoned base that my friend got deathly sick at to see if there's a way to connect to earth"

After a short drive on a space buggy where I don't get to the base, it fades out, and I'm cut to a later level.

It's a farther farther future space station, no moon in sight, and the goddamn dream robots are back.

I shoot through them and find a star wars ass spaceship that our protag says he trained on, and then I'm introduced to horrible ship combat.

Then the game crashed on me.

Bo: Path of the Teal Lotus.

The Hollow Knight influence is strong with this one, and not just because it's a metroidvania where you play as a little guy with murder in his heart.

It's because of the pogo. They've turned that dynamic into the core of its combat.

Not only does hitting an enemy in midair allow you to air stall/propell yourself upward if you're aiming down, but each time you do an air hit, you reset all your air actions: double jumps, air dashes, more slashes, etc. The game incentivizes playing The Floor is Lava with an air combo meter. Filling it up allows you to launch a powered up version of your projectile that I never used because pogoing was so fun.

Of course, the main balancing factor to all these air actions now is that you can no longer pogo off spikes.

The main problem with the game isn't a problem with the game itself but just its release window. In a vacuum it's fine but.

Nine Sols is right there.

(Not that the Japanese mythology theming in Bo and the Taoist theming in Nine Sols is interchangeable, just that they're both combat centric metroidvanias. And Nine Sols has a parry.)

[lollo-sw-br]

Guardians SW One-Shots: Lima Eun-Kwan (Lime's Guardian): A special feast!

Kitchen - Eun-Kwan Palace

Lima Eun-Kwan, is Lime's Guardian, specialist in culinary art, loving to create new dishes, especially the healthy ones, being highly praised throughout WingsView and also at the World Aircraft. Liah Eui-gi's (Jett's Guardian) birthday was approaching and obviously her Super Wing was planning a surprise party, asking Lima and Lime to make a special feast for the commemoration.

Lima and Lime were in the kitchen when they saw Jett arrive by surprise.

- Lime! Lime! - Jett called them - can I talk to you?

At Lime's request, Lima turned off the stove, as the Cheese Fundi was ready.

-Oh Jett didn't we see you here - said Lima - we were making cheese fondue well concentrated

- What's up Jett? - said Lime - what can we help you with?

- Sorry to burst in so suddenly, but my Guardian Liah's birthday is coming up and I'm planning a surprise party for her - said Jett - Could you take care of the feast?

- But of course we can help Jett - said Lima

- It will be a pleasure - said Lime - When will be the party?

- Tomorrow night - said Jett - here are the invitations and it doesn't contain anything to Liah

- No problem Jett - said Lima - I'll lie my mouth shut

- Mine too - said Lime - we can't spoil the surprise

- I count on you two - said Jett - see you tomorrow!

- See ya! - Said Lima and Lime

After Jett left the kitchen, Lima and Lime began to plan the menu.

- Liah loves Kimbap and Sushi - said Lima - Let's do a hundred! of each!

- And what kind of cake does she like? - asked Lime

- She likes Red Velvet with chocolate filling - replied Lima - once I made it and Liah practically ate the whole cake

- Okay, it's already noted - said Lime - and does she like anything else?

- She likes Neapolitan pasta - Lima said - actually most Guardians can't resist pasta

- Ok And the drinks don't worry - said Lime - I'll surprise!

The next day ...

Most of the feast was ready, but Lime had a mission at the airport and Lima was alone in the kitchen. Some Guardians who already knew about Liah's surprise party and asked Lima if she needed help until Lime got back, but Lima said that there was no problem and he would take care of the job. After a while, Lima lost control of the kitchen, trying to finish the feast before Lime returns, becoming extremely overwhelmed.

- I will finish the feast before Like returns - said Lima - she will be proud of me for sure

At that time, Jett and Lime returned to the kitchen, seeing Lima doing a thousand tasks at the same time and Lime asked:

- Lima Stop! - said Lime - You can't stand it alone like this! let me help you!

- Jett! Lime! - said Lima - I'm sorry, I just wanted to finish everything faster like this, so you'd be proud of me.

- Lima, don't worry - said Lime - You already make me proud and I didn't have to do all that.

-Yyou don't need to take care of the whole job like that, you don't have to do this to say you're self-sufficient and do not need help, not to disturb anyone - said Jett - do what you can, don't overwhelm yourself like that, ok?

- It's early afternoon and the party starts at night - said Lime - We have enough time to finish the feast!

- OK - said Lima - Let's cook!

Main hall - World Palace

Lime and Lime finished the feast and they put it on the table, the cake is beautiful and all the decorations made by Jerome, Leonie, Light and Sunny were impeccable, All the other Super Wings and Guardians were in the main hall of the World Palace, waiting for Liah to arrive with Lippie, Paul seeing the two approaching the main gate warned

- Red Velvet! Liah is on her way! - Said Paul - turn off the lights and hide! quickly!

Everyone did as Paul said, when Lippie opened the door, everyone came out

- Surprise! - said everyone - happy birthday Liah!

- Oh guys! - said Liah - everything is so beautiful! Thank you very much everyone, especially you Jett

- It was a pleasure Liah - said Jett - you deserve it

- Let's Party! - said Liah - Music!

After dancing, singing happy birthday and eating, Liah spoke

- The feast was delicious! The decor is beautiful, everything perfect - said Liah - thank you very much indeed

- You're welcome Liah - said jett

- I'm glad you enjoyed the feast - said Lime - Lima helped a lot with that too

- Thank you Lima! - Liah said hugging Lima tightly

- You're welcome - Lima said almost out of breath.

The end....

[atldreaming]

And it's extremely bizarre now to feel like a child that you're proud of. Not that you aren't proud of him. I think you are in a different way. Parents are always proud of their children, I think. But the things you criticize in him are behaviors he learned from you in the first place. Behaviors you are too blind to notice in yourselves.

Still, even after all these years.

Still, despite me calling you out on it.

And it's weird for me to finally be applauded for the things I learned when I left. It's weird for you to compliment me on things I didn't learn from you. Things I learned from the family that adopted me as their own, the friends that welcomed me with open arms, and the rolling punches of life that used to feel so lethal.

You admire my perseverance? Cool, I learned it when you kicked me out and I realized that working for a college degree was my only hope for self sufficiency.

You admire my grit? Great, I had no choice. My life for so many years was heads down and keep pushing forward despite how much I needed a break.

You tell me I'm a great friend to my friends, but I'm only trying to be the kind of friend that I've been blessed to have. The friends in my life who pulled me back on my feet again and encouraged me every step of the way is what I want and what I strive so hard to be.

You tell me I'm kind and selfless, and I don't feel like I am most days, despite trying to be. If I am those things, I learned it from the people in my life whose kindness changed it forever. Not from you. And I sincerely pray that one day I can pay it forward like they did and do it for someone else, God willing.

I am the way I am because I left. Because I said no. Because I refused to listen, I refused to obey. Because you told me to leave. Because you talked about cutting me off, disowning your child completely.

You can't have it both ways. You can't tell me you're proud of all these qualities you think I possess yet simultaneously still cast the blame on me.

What are you blaming me for? Your problems with your son are not my fault.

And is it so wrong to still want an apology? Sometimes I just want to hear you say it, I want to hear you say you were wrong and I was right. I want you to say you treated me unfairly. I want you to draw parallels and finally admit that you treated your daughter drastically differently than your son and that now 10 years later that treatment might not have had the result you wanted.

But I know you're sorry. I can tell you are. You've seemed sorry for a while now. But sometimes I just want to hear the words. I know how much you've tried to make up for those years, all the times you've helped me or made strides to be a part of my life after things mellowed out. I see it. I really do see it.

I will always love you, as a daughter should, but my love will always be the cautious kind, I don't think I'll ever fully let my guard down. My love will be the kind that remembers how things once were and won't forget. Sometimes, still, I get too close and it makes me jump back. I still remember the things you've said about people I loved and dear, dear friends and quite simply I still don't trust you. Sometimes sweet L will ask me why I don't let you guys into a corner of my life, and I'll explain to him how freeing it was to finally get those corners of my life to myself back then, to finally be free. How big of a relief it was to be free. Thank God he understands. Thank God I'm married to a man who understands what it's like to be the black sheep of the family, though his situation is arguably more intense than mine.

But sometimes I still just want an apology though. Is that so bad?

Does that mean I haven't truly forgiven? I thought I had, I felt like I had.

But with everything going on now with your son, things are coming to light that make it impossible to forget how things were then. The more I talk about it with L, the more I realize how bitter I am underneath it all.

Maybe it's good not to forget. Maybe it's good to remember so maybe I can help here, if you'll listen to me.

But I feel like you won't listen to me regardless.

[the-nysh]

I've had a realization that two things amaze me about Garou's character in manga. 1) how he gradually transformed from a char one wouldn't give a f about (if we forget about wc, only manga - to me, his char was really unappealing in the beginning, like sir u just spend ur time beating up heroes?? okok) into someone that many! readers really care about. How to explain it.. He was almost a nobody, a mere hooligan who didn't evoke any sympathy (at least in me))), but with every chap he became more versatile and boom! in ch81 I read comments like "I like him", "i don't want heroes to hurt him", "want him to survive" etc. And further.. I got a feeling that he's the main char of his story that we witness (he is). Such a twist to me - from nobody to protagonist (kinda).

And boy.. if only you knew who many people (in our universe so to say) care about you, support, admire you (idk if it makes sense lol) (but we know he wouldn't believe it anyway)

And 2) how much pain is actually stored inside him! I know that some people view him as dumb but man he's only 18, he seems to grow up without any emotional support, he had to figure out stuff on his own, no guidance, no idea how to deal with all the turmoil within, how to fit in, his mind is messed up by all this loneliness and.. He's literally a child who doesn't understand why he's in pain. He's come so far, gained so much strength and cockiness ahah but inside him there's only pain and confusion.

I continue to see a bunch of people who only want the manga to follow the wc, to see the evil and terror performed by this char,fight fight fight! but ohh he's much more than what people want to see in him

Sorry for my rant😳 I just needed to put together all these thoughts of mine and share them with someone, or - 🤯

Oho~ :'3c Well thank you for sharing your story! (If you're interested in mine, in how my perceptions of him changed over time, plus some bonus fav moments, then there you go~) Looks like your emotional turning point for him was around the the shed scene too (as it was for many manga readers including yours truly who began watching him with more invested interest), with the A/B hero gauntlet and his greatest test of character at that point - risking his life to both survive and admirably protect Tareo against such impossible odds, where his brand of 'justice' miraculously pulls through...(on towards ever more impressive, escalating heights~)

Looking back, he did say in his introduction how he was here to 'change the story' (and wow how meta that sentiment became!!) 8'D

And oooh how much he's needed that proper guidance, yes. (Bang unfortunately couldn't provide him with what he needed most then.) And an emotional support network he's always lacked (aaa how he's been lone and self-sufficient for so long...and yet, deep down he's still wanted to feel valued/loved/understood/SEEN by others in some way, when he'd always felt rejected or denied of that, cause even when he was a 'good' boy at his best and most authentic, his methods never worked without others still punishing him for it...) To help him process, heal, and constructively navigate all his turbulent emotional pain and internalized trauma/anger/confusion... Instead of focusing all his efforts (and channeling/compensating all his feelings) into gaining strength and the 'monster' persona as quite the elaborate defense mechanisms. :') (Which can also be read as a rebellious message/cry for help & proper attention he just hasn't comprehended yet...)

Til the poor guy's endured almost a lifetime of extreme pain/suffering within a single week of pushing himself to the brink. Hooboy;;; so many of his fans just want him to properly rest. ;o; (And at his young age, he still has much time to learn and figure things out.) That he deserves so much better than to be continually subjected/locked into such a cruel cycle of injustice (esp the ones beyond his control or even his own doing)....that seeing him somehow 'break free' or rise above that, upon his own honest (and true) self-realization and power one day, will feel so liberating and satisfying. :') I truly hope and wish for him the best on his struggling emotional journey to finally discover and accept himself. <3

[weed-cat]

At what age do you think its developmentaly appropriate for a kid to be left at home alone? Are there any longterm effects of a very young child being given a lot of independence early on? Really hope you feel better soon man 💜💜

This is a pretty complex question that there are a lot of different opinions about. So I'm just going to be saying what I think based on my experience.

Short answer: it varies from situation to situation.

Long answer: the primary thing you have to take into account is the kid themself. To use myself as an example, I was a very anxious and traumatized child. For most of my early childhood, it was just me, my mom, and our abuser, and then just me and my mom.

Without going into the details of everything, I developed pretty notable attachment and abandonment issues at a young age. None of my schoolmates were kind enough to me to provide me with any sort of peer support net. I didn't really go anywhere other than school. So my mom was literally the only consistent positive relationship I had, and in the past had been the one protecting me from dangerous situations. When you consider that stuff, I don't think it's all that shocking that I was extremely clingy to her, and became very distraught when I wanted her to be there and she wasn't.

I only became comfortable being left alone in the house when I was probably around 13, which is developmentally a pretty late age to start desiring that sort of independence.

But even though I became comfortable with being left alone much later than most people, it was probably a very good thing that my mom actually respected my wants and fears and enabled me to develop at me own pace. Because for someone with a profile like mine (traumatized and/or anxious by nature), being left alone before I was ready would have been such a scary and traumatizing experience that I think I probably would have actually been driven to become even clingier and more afraid of abandonment. It might have led to me distrusting my mom because my brain perceived her pushing me to be independent as her trying to abandon me.

On top of all that, you need to factor in the kid's ability level in various ways. Are they comfortable cooking for themselves? What about first aid if they get a little hurt? Will they be able to contact someone for help if they need it? Has it been drilled into their head to never open the door for strangers? Sometimes, kids are okay with being left alone (or even WANT to be left alone) before they're actually ready, and at that point it's the guardian's job to facilitate the learning of those skills.

Basically, in order for a kid to be left alone with as little risk as possible, they need to be both emotionally and practically ready to be self-sufficient for at least however long you're planning on leaving them alone. I personally think that, for most kids, ten-ish is an appropriate age to start leaving them alone in the house for hour-or-more periods of time, but again, it's super case-by-case.

In terms of whether or not there can be long-term developmental damage from being left alone too much as a kid, yes, absolutely! Children need the proper amount of social interaction and interpersonal support in order to develop healthily. Some common consequences of not having childhood social needs met are social skills deficits (as a result of not being provided with sufficient examples and practice situations to learn social skills), hyper-independence (as a result of not being able to trust others to meet your needs), attachment issues (being traumatized from being left alone and not wanting it to happen again), poor emotion regulation and distress tolerance skills (as a result of not receiving proper soothing in early life), and more!

An extreme example of long-term damage from childhood neglect is the Attachment Disorder spectrum. Attachment disorders are very severe mental disorders caused by failure to form human connection in infancy and early childhood. Attachment disorders cannot be cured, and while they can be treated to an extent, most people with attachment disorders will never go on to thrive. While it's a spectrum with nuance, people with an attachment disorder generally fall into one of two categories, Reactive Attachment Disorder or Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder.

RAD is characterized by the sufferer having an extremely difficult time forming human connections and navigating social situations. They usually don't have any interest in engaging with other people, and generally aren't able to conduct themselves appropriately during social interactions, sometimes to an extreme degree that can go as far as physical aggression towards the other person.

DSED is characterized by, well, having little to no inhibitions during social engagements. This often looks like being completely unaware of proper boundaries in any given relationship, being ready to put full trust in pretty much anyone, becoming extremely and obsessively attached to people very easily, and not being able to discern what may or may not be socially appropriate for a situation. Both RAD and DSED come with non-interpersonal symptoms as well that can also be devastating.

I'm sorry that I couldn't give you a super exact answer, but these are my thoughts on the subject! I hope that you learned something/found any of that interesting!

[championzavien]

Hello everyone, Zavien here!

I'm still on flight to Kanto, sort of. We had some unexpected turbulence so we're actually landed here in Hoenn until they can fix whatever is bothering the plane.

Since my flights been cut short and it'll probably be several hours before I'm back on my way to Kanto, I figured I'd take some time to write up this post, just to keep you guys updated, but while I'm here I figured I'd try and research some of the local dark types!

After all, the whole reason I'm going to Kanto is to write a research paper on their dark types, so this will be good practice!

There's a number of dark types here in Hoenn, so I'll give a quick overview, starting with Absol, a reclusive pokemon from the mountains that is rarely seen. I do wish I could meet one and study it, but I've got an unfortunately limited time frame. For now, I'll have to find another subject.

The Sharpedo line is another no-go, I'd rather not be hospitalized and left stranded here in Hoenn! That family of pokemon are known to be brutal and vicious, they're the biggest reason I chose to take a plane over a boat! Not risking it! What a terrifying, majestic creature.

The next line I'll be talking about is the Cacturne family. I'd like to preface this by saying I know little to nothing about caring for grass type pokemon, I've got a thumb as black as soot. The only grass type I've ever owned and trained long term is my Serperior, and they're a very self sufficient family of grass types.

That out of the way, Cacturne is an intriguing pokemon, indeed, but they often live in deserts, secluded from people, so there's actually a surprising amount of disinformation regarding them.

For example, a common misconception is that Cacturne are only dark type because they are active at night, this is a common misconception for a lot of pokemon, but shadows and the night often have more to do with the ghost type, actually!

No, the real reason Cacturne are dark type is due to certain personality quirks, just like other dark types. In Cacturnes case, it's due to their signature ruthlessness. Allow me to explain.

Despite being social creatures, Cacturne lack empathy, and guilt. Unlike a number of wild pokemon (such as the mentioned Absol), Cacturne do not help humans in trouble. Quite the opposite really, they will follow around any humans close to death so that they may devour them after their passing. Terrifying!

Next we'll move on to the Shiftry line, a personal favorite of mine. While I think it's unjustified to denote them such things like "the wicked pokemon", there's no doubt in my mind about their dark typing. It stems from how extremely territorial these pokemon are over the forests they reside in. It's said if a Shiftry should ever come to be in the wild somehow (through trainer release or a rare encounter with a grass stone), that it would have devastating consequences on the surrounding area. Often times, a forest they overrule will be utterly still and quiet, except for the haunting melody of their leaf flute.

If you find yourself walking through the forest and notice the sound of a flute, check for other noises and pokemon nearby. If you're alone, you may have just walked in to a Shiftry territory, and I advise you run, because if you hear a Shiftrys flute, then you certainly will not hear it coming.

Now if you're wanting to raise a Shiftry yourself, I say go for it! Like many territorial animals, a Shiftry that trusts you will often include you and your team as pokemon that it allows in its territory, so you need not worry about letting it interact with your other pokemon. Just make sure they have a canopy to jump around in, and high up places to keep a lookout on their territory. They love having a view.

I'd like to do a more in depth post about this species at some point, what do you guys suppose?

Anyways, back on track, now we'll talk about the Crawdaunt line. Aggressive, territorial, and brutal, they're much like their water/dark cousins, the Sharpedo. In fact, they even bear markings on their torso and head that bear resemblance to Sharpedo! Some theorize this is an intentional evolution to keep them safe, but since these animals aren't native to Hoenn, coming from an unknown island out in the ocean, we don't really know what kind of evolutionary pressure might have pushed them into a sort of batesian mimicry, as they have no natural predators in Hoenn itself.

Interestingly, Crawdaunt actually shares some traits with Shiftry as well, being that it's actually quite bad for the environment. They are very tough, and extremely hostile, trying to battle anything they come into contact with. Due to this nature, any habitat with a Crawdaunt soon becomes empty...other pokemon have trouble co-existing, so they just leave to other areas if a Crawdaunt has settled down. There are actually laws and regulations in place to stop trainers from breeding many Crawdaunt, as they are a genuine hazard to their ecosystem!

(Note: The same is NOT true in the case of Sharpedo. They are vital apex predators in their ecosystem, and if they were to disappear from the wild the consequences would be drastic and long lasting).

As for tips on how to train and raise them, these pokemon love battle, and you should let them get in fights with other pokemon often to get the energy out. Otherwise, they're prone to disobeying and tearing apart their surroundings. Crawdaunt are also very hardy, and can survive in both salt and freshwater, even brackish water, so you don't have to worry as much about filtering, just make sure they have somewhere to moisturize at least two or three times a day.

Moving on to the final evolution family I'll be talking about today, the Mightyena.

This line is...actually quite abnormal for dark types. They have traits common amongst most dark types such as disobedience, aggression, and a bit of cowardliness, but once they've been caught by the fight trainer these traits can be controlled to a high degree.

As pack hunters, Mightyena will only answer to a trainer that it sees as strong and capable. Building that kind of trust with one is a long process, but one you'll need to undergo if you want to be it's trainer.

My advice, the more of these that you have the easier it'll be to train more. If they see others of their own species under your command, they will be more inclined to trust in your strength. This goes for several pokemon families, of course, but very notable for them in particular.

As for raising them, Poochyena have a dark coat that will protect them from low temperatures and can shed to keep their heat regulated in warmer climates. They are highly adaptable to many kinds of living conditions, but there are a few must haves that I'll list below.

1. COMPANY. This is very important. They're social creatures, and if you don't let them cohabit with other pokemon similar to them, they will grow to be extremely timid and weak, as it has severe effects on their mind. I recommend you keep it with at least two other pokemon, as well as making sure to play with it yourself.

2. Space

This is a no brainer, these pokemon never get tired, and need wide open spaces to run around in, lest they become destructive.

And third, last but not least, they need things that they can be allowed to destroy. These pokemon will bite just about anything within their reach, so I suggest you give them something that's meant to be bitten (make sure to train them into biting just these things) or you'll soon find your little dark type friend attacking your other pets.

I'd love to write more, but I got the call that it'd been fixed while I was writing up the Mightyena bit, so I'm already running a bit late!

See you all in my next post!

[bun-breaker]

Viera culture is somewhat odd. It is as I said highly matriarchal. But also extremely isolated from the rest of the world. It's pretty much a given that should outsiders set foot on our land without explicit permission from one of our elders, said intruder's lives are forfeit. We're a pretty self sufficient bunch. Everything we need is manufactured by us and never leaves our land. Which is something we're meticulous about maintaining. Though not out of any hippy ideology. No we care for our land because we're too stubborn to leave it. Which is what would happen if we wreck the ecosystem.

As I said. Males live outside our villages. Usually acting as sentries for our domains. If you meet one in the jungles of our homeland, it's because he's there to kill you for trespassing. Males tend to leave our villages around age 13 because that's when you can actually tell the difference between the men and women of our kind. Prior to that were pretty much look the same so gendered raising of kids just doesn't exist to a degree.

As for other details. Well usually our names follow the pattern of <forest name> <home town>. Though should a Viera leave the forest they come up with a new name people call their city name. Essentially symbolizing them abandoning their old life and never being able to return to their former home.

That said. My own recollections of home are, patchy at best. My memory has HUGE gaps in it prior to the beginning of the current age. I've never figured out why. Only gotten bits and pieces every now and then. And to answer about how many their are. The answer is dozens. Even just counting the more traditional humanoids we have at least 7? Counting beast tribes that number is probably in the dozens.

Actually technically neither! A gunblade is its own self contained system. A chamber for cartridges and a mechanism to ignite them. Thus sending a wave of aether through the blade that can be manipulated in various ways. What we came to know as a gun was actually derived from ancient gunblade designs that were altered to become projectile weapons. The name actually derived from the people famous for wielding them. Gunhildr's Blades, the royal guard of Bozja. Which got shortened to gunblade and then to gun when the blade part was removed.

But to answer your question yes. There are indeed elements to my world. Umbral being the element of darkness. Astral being of light. I embody both of these. As the Warrior Of Light I draw strength from light. And as a Dark Knight I also draw from the darkness of the Abyss. An old foe of mine once saw himself as an agent of balance. In a way I saw he was right about one thing. The world needs balance or else it stands on the precipice of chaos and so I endeavoured to bring myself into balance. There have been minor hiccups with this plan. But I think I've finally achieved it!

That sounds like one awesome as hell metal. In a way it kinda reminds me of White Auracite. 'Cept minus all of the drawbacks. But hey, Personas sound fascinating. Something like a spirit guardians of sorts? Are they like, sapient or simply constructs of willpower? Do they fight independent of your or are they more an infusion of power? Is being a wildcard rare? Can only certain people have them? Is it all training or more something you're blessed with? Sorry about the flood of questions. I'd get a grumpy look from a good friend of mine if she found out I didn't try learn as much as I can about a new magical phenomenon. ^_^;

Primals are a complicated subject that gets more confusing as you dive into them. So I'll give the incorrect but still useful gist. Primals are gods. Creatures brought into being through huge amounts of aether and intense belief in a concept. Which doesn't sound too bad. Religion on its own isn't bad and a god can't be too bad can it? Well these ones are. Their very nature drains life from the world around it. And their influence robs mortals of their free will. Which is why my allies the Scions and I make it our job to slay these gods when they pop up. Because we kinda like this world and would rather it not become a barren lifeless rock.

As for the military. It's not that important. It's only really come to the fore as a result of the clashes with our northern neighbours. I only deal with them when a large scale operation demands it. And I hold a technical military rank such that I have veto rights should one of the officers assigned to help want to do something suicidal. Because no one wants to deal with some idiot getting brain washed into worshipping our enemy because they didn't listen to me.

Of course military structures and culture vary wildly from nation to nation. Even just in the continent of Eorzea the nations vary a lot. Even more so if you journey to places like Othard or Ilsabard.

Those are things where you live? Sounds like you have some very lucky horsebirds!

I've eaten sun roasted honey bugs. Bring it on!

Gods, I've just realised how wordy I've gotten. Urianger would be proud if he saw this >.>

bun-breaker​:

Ah yes, I guess you might not know much about my kind. We’re um… rather secretive. Not many leave our native homelands. Viera are mostly human. Save for the fact that even the shortest among us are kinda huge. That and we have big ass bunny ears rather than your typical human ones. I stick out like a sore thumb even at the best of times. Most of Eorzea may count themselves lucky to have ever seen a single female Viera until I came along. The males however are even rarer still. I myself have no memory of having ever met one on account of them living ridiculously solitary lives. Only making contact with our villages every 3-5 years and only ever for a night or two at most. (Yes, they come for that lol)

I’ve handled quite a few swords in my time though. My goto being the greatsword. But I did pick up a gunblade of late! I’ve even commissioned modifications to my primary greatsword to add a chamber and firing mechanism. I’ve been working on loading up my cartridges with Umbral asepcted aether. And damn, that is way more potent than I could have anticipated!

A channelling katana sounds badass though! What sorts of juice you pumping through that bad boy? :o

Nice! I’ve raised my gal Highwind since she was young. Gifted to me by the Gridanian military when I sort of enlisted. (More of a ceremonial role and safeguard against cocky moron officers ballsing things up by not listening to an expert in Primal slaying)

That said. You must have a shit ton of land to keep a group? I always found mine required quite a lot of space to run with.

Honestly, not the strangest I’ve ever heard of or eaten. But I’m always willing to try something new. (I’ve only ever regretted that a couple times thus far.)

Ah. So beyond varying physical features, what’s the culture like for Vieras? That being said, how many races are there in Eorzea? And going by that explanation, I’m guessing Vieras are more of a female dominant race? Or at least one that focuses more on a matriarchy instead of a patriarchy?

Wait wait. Gunblade as in. A blade attached to a gun or a gun attached to a blade? I feel like that’s an important distinction to make, haha! Umbral aspected aether….meaning darkness? Does your world run on an elements system then?

It’s actually made of Nihil Metal! Long story short, it’s a soulless metal that changes form depending on what you put in. It works well for Persona Users which is what I am. And before you ask, a Persona is basically a manifestation of your will which protects you from the hardships of life! Though I’m also what is called a Wildcard so I have more than one Persona. Overall, I’d say my fighting style is very unpredictable to keep people guessing.

Haha! I’m so sorry but the more you tell me, the more questions I have. What’s a Primal? Does your world run more on a military like basis or does it have a whole other system depending on the country and region?

Sort of? My home is one of those places where it’s bigger on the inside than the outside. My Chocobos are at least content with their living space. Sometimes, I like to just nap with them when I’ve had a bit of a rough day.

Oho. Time for food crimes…..

[themomsandthecity]

7 Signs You're Overparenting

Can you be "too good" of a parent? Reader Katherine W. says she's worried she has been overparenting or pampering her kids. "I tried to do the very best I could," she relays, "taking them to parks and interesting places every weekend, reading to them, working in their classrooms and every school event, supervising homework every night, helping with Girl Scouts, driving them to after-school activities, arranging play dates, making family dinners a priority, and on and on." However, Katherine recently noticed that her child's friend, whose parent was not as involved, has grown into a more confident and self-sufficient person. "Did all that effort even make any difference?" How do you know if you're turning into an overbearing parent? If, like Katherine, you're wondering if you should be less involved, here we've rounded up readers' advice on signs that you may be overparenting. 1. You Praise Profusely One of the tell-tale signs that you're being overbearing, instead of balanced, is when you notice yourself giving your child a profuse amount of praise. While children need encouragement, parents can go overboard, for instance, when they have an "unconscious, incessant need to praise and reward their kids," says a reader who calls herself "Chatty." She explains: "I think the only time extra praise is warranted is when children are very young; babies and young toddlers have to learn what is appropriate and what isn't, and praising them in an excitable manner when they master a new skill or act in an appropriate or desirable manner helps them to learn. But, if you're over the top and praise them every single time they do something, especially when it's repeatedly for the same thing they've already mastered and done 1,000 times, it's doing them a huge disservice." As an example, Chatty says when first potty training her daughter, she and her husband gave her lots of "high-fives" and "good jobs." But once her daughter mastered the toilet, she "opened a dialogue with her about how it made her feel to be able to go to the washroom on her own." 2. You Offer Too Many Material Rewards Similar to offering an abundance of praise, some parents spoil their children with too many material things. Stephanie Y. came to this realization when one year her 9-year-old son "clearly expressed his utter disappointment in his Christmas gifts. He explained that he didn't get what he really wanted and poo-pooed what he did get," she remembers. After unsuccessfully trying to impart a lesson about the spirit of Christmas, Stephanie realized she had been giving her children way too much. "I am the mom that would carry my kids' backpack for them, or buy the toy to bribe them to be good in the store! I needed to change, be more of a parent." Vowing that her children would never be ungrateful at Christmas again, she reduced the gifts her children were receiving all year round, and also reduced her children's candy consumption, so that they would learn to appreciate Halloween, too. Charlotte R. is another mom who believes "kids these days have way too many things. When I was growing up we had one phone for the whole house and we had to limit our time to share with everyone. We never got to just sit on the phone and call our friends all the time, because we had household chores to do and our homework and getting ready for school," she says. 3. You Have Low Expectations With the rigors of school and extracurricular activities, sometimes parents are hesitant to give their children too many responsibilities. But an ill-fated result of not expecting a lot from your children is that parents might do too much for their kids. Setting low expectations while assuming there will be big rewards is especially a common occurrence in school. 4. You Dole Out Few Responsibilities Setting expectations for your children includes holding them accountable for age-appropriate responsibilities, members add. From a very young age, Ellen B. says, "many kitchen tasks are fair game," and that kids are capable and often willing to bring their dishes to the sink when done, set the table, take the garbage out, and help cook. "And, yes," she adds, "teach them to clean up their messes." Once parents "get over the perception the only you can get things done on time, you will find training them is a time-saver." Increasing responsibilities and "doing less for them can give them the best possible chance" at becoming self-sufficient, independent adults, mom Ellen explains. "The more children learn to do tasks and make good decisions on their own, the better odds they have of living a productive life," she says. When you educate your children about their responsibilities, just be sure they understand that they're not being asked to do things because "'mommy is task master,' but rather [because] 'we live together, and share both the work and the pleasure of having our own home,'" Lisa R. notes. 5. You Repeat Yourself Frequently Once they assign responsibilities, overbearing parents often make the mistake of repeatedly telling children what to do. But parents are not raising robots that should follow every order, mom Angelique A. says. She admits she is sometimes guilty of this with her 14- and 15-year-olds and finds herself constantly telling her own children "to do this and that." She adds: "I mean when will it register that if you see something that needs to be done, just do it?" Still, Angelique knows she needs to lay off if she wants to raise responsible adults. "I was taught independence at a very young age. When I had to, I knew what to do when my parents were away." 6. You Help Without Being Asked Most parents would help their children at the drop of a hat, but several readers advise that parents would be wise to step back and wait to offer help until children ask for it. As a teacher, Pamela W. says she sees today's parents doing too much for their children when it's not necessary. "I see parents carrying their children's backpacks for them, etc., around the school campuses. I also see far more moms and dads who accompany their children into the classroom at the kindergarten level and spend time before the bell rings," she says. "It's hard not to helicopter," Shawnn L. admits. But as someone who works at a university, she doesn't support it: "It is extremely frustrating to watch [parents] be overbearing and [make choices] for adult freshman student[s]. It is extremely frustrating to speak to the student and have the parent answer. It is even more frustrating to watch a student make excellent choices with regards to his/her studies, only to see the parent undermine every choice because they either weren't involved enough, or didn't agree." Lucy L. summarizes: "Don't do something for your child that he or she is capable of doing for themselves." On the other hand, when parents let children make more decisions and help themselves, they often find that their children are more resourceful than they initially thought. Ann F., for instance, recently encouraged her children to sell their unwanted toys to make some money. "When I checked on them in the playroom, they had a whole pile of toys they wanted to sell and were in the process of lugging them out front." Ann's gut reaction was to stop them, but she had a second thought and asked what they wanted to do with the money they earned. "They said they wanted to donate it to an animal shelter or children's hospital. The whole situation reminded me that sometimes it really is best just to get out of their way, not be overbearing, and when they are making their own fun without any parental involvement, to just let them be," she says. As a reader who calls herself "Vegemite Cheese" says of parenting, "It's not always what you do for your kids but what you teach your kids to do for themselves." 7. You Try to Prevent All Mistakes Of course, when making their own decisions, children will make some mistakes, but Lisa B. says it's healthy to let mistakes happen in a safe environment. "Both my kids are extremely careful about touching hot objects and getting their little fingers caught in doors/drawers. That's because I've let them try it when they were 6 months old. As soon as they were able to open and close a drawer, I've allowed them to close it (not too strongly, though), on their own fingers," she says. "Rather than preventing them from doing something dangerous, I let them experience the consequences (provided it isn't health/life-threatening). They know what it's like to touch a hot drink. When they fall, they know they have to get up and dust themselves off, all on their own." As another example, Lisa adds that her son once had a bad habit of putting his fingers and toys in his mouth. "After reminding him several times that it was dirty, I waited to see what would happen. He caught a very painful mouth sore. But now he knows the consequences of putting dirty objects in his mouth," she says. Of course, she offers the caveat that she always tries to reinforce good behavior. Ultimately, moms and dads can avoid overparenting by being supportive of their children, but not being overinvolved, Circle of Moms members say. "There is such a thing as being too involved, too loving, too praising, too in-tune with what your kids are doing . . . just as the other extreme suggests an unhealthy relationship with kids (no affection, attention, encouragement, etc.). Balance really is the key component of all facets of humanity," Jamie B. says. "Being over-protective is an easy and common mistake that parents make," admits mom Riana F., noting she sometimes closes her eyes and says, "World please be gentle with this child of mine." But, she realizes, "The world will never be gentle, it will only ever be real, and if I try to protect my children from its challenges I will also be protecting them from its rewards." http://bit.ly/2vFyBfy

[themomsandthecity]

7 Signs You're Overparenting

Can you be "too good" of a parent? Reader Katherine W. says she's worried she has been overparenting or pampering her kids. "I tried to do the very best I could," she relays, "taking them to parks and interesting places every weekend, reading to them, working in their classrooms and every school event, supervising homework every night, helping with Girl Scouts, driving them to after-school activities, arranging play dates, making family dinners a priority, and on and on." However, Katherine recently noticed that her child's friend, whose parent was not as involved, has grown into a more confident and self-sufficient person. "Did all that effort even make any difference?" How do you know if you're turning into an overbearing parent? If, like Katherine, you're wondering if you should be less involved, here we've rounded up readers' advice on signs that you may be overparenting. 1. You Praise Profusely One of the tell-tale signs that you're being overbearing, instead of balanced, is when you notice yourself giving your child a profuse amount of praise. While children need encouragement, parents can go overboard, for instance, when they have an "unconscious, incessant need to praise and reward their kids," says a reader who calls herself "Chatty." She explains: "I think the only time extra praise is warranted is when children are very young; babies and young toddlers have to learn what is appropriate and what isn't, and praising them in an excitable manner when they master a new skill or act in an appropriate or desirable manner helps them to learn. But, if you're over the top and praise them every single time they do something, especially when it's repeatedly for the same thing they've already mastered and done 1,000 times, it's doing them a huge disservice." As an example, Chatty says when first potty training her daughter, she and her husband gave her lots of "high-fives" and "good jobs." But once her daughter mastered the toilet, she "opened a dialogue with her about how it made her feel to be able to go to the washroom on her own." 2. You Offer Too Many Material Rewards Similar to offering an abundance of praise, some parents spoil their children with too many material things. Stephanie Y. came to this realization when one year her 9-year-old son "clearly expressed his utter disappointment in his Christmas gifts. He explained that he didn't get what he really wanted and poo-pooed what he did get," she remembers. After unsuccessfully trying to impart a lesson about the spirit of Christmas, Stephanie realized she had been giving her children way too much. "I am the mom that would carry my kids' backpack for them, or buy the toy to bribe them to be good in the store! I needed to change, be more of a parent." Vowing that her children would never be ungrateful at Christmas again, she reduced the gifts her children were receiving all year round, and also reduced her children's candy consumption, so that they would learn to appreciate Halloween, too. Charlotte R. is another mom who believes "kids these days have way too many things. When I was growing up we had one phone for the whole house and we had to limit our time to share with everyone. We never got to just sit on the phone and call our friends all the time, because we had household chores to do and our homework and getting ready for school," she says. 3. You Have Low Expectations With the rigors of school and extracurricular activities, sometimes parents are hesitant to give their children too many responsibilities. But an ill-fated result of not expecting a lot from your children is that parents might do too much for their kids. Setting low expectations while assuming there will be big rewards is especially a common occurrence in school. 4. You Dole Out Few Responsibilities Setting expectations for your children includes holding them accountable for age-appropriate responsibilities, members add. From a very young age, Ellen B. says, "many kitchen tasks are fair game," and that kids are capable and often willing to bring their dishes to the sink when done, set the table, take the garbage out, and help cook. "And, yes," she adds, "teach them to clean up their messes." Once parents "get over the perception the only you can get things done on time, you will find training them is a time-saver." Increasing responsibilities and "doing less for them can give them the best possible chance" at becoming self-sufficient, independent adults, mom Ellen explains. "The more children learn to do tasks and make good decisions on their own, the better odds they have of living a productive life," she says. When you educate your children about their responsibilities, just be sure they understand that they're not being asked to do things because "'mommy is task master,' but rather [because] 'we live together, and share both the work and the pleasure of having our own home,'" Lisa R. notes. 5. You Repeat Yourself Frequently Once they assign responsibilities, overbearing parents often make the mistake of repeatedly telling children what to do. But parents are not raising robots that should follow every order, mom Angelique A. says. She admits she is sometimes guilty of this with her 14- and 15-year-olds and finds herself constantly telling her own children "to do this and that." She adds: "I mean when will it register that if you see something that needs to be done, just do it?" Still, Angelique knows she needs to lay off if she wants to raise responsible adults. "I was taught independence at a very young age. When I had to, I knew what to do when my parents were away." 6. You Help Without Being Asked Most parents would help their children at the drop of a hat, but several readers advise that parents would be wise to step back and wait to offer help until children ask for it. As a teacher, Pamela W. says she sees today's parents doing too much for their children when it's not necessary. "I see parents carrying their children's backpacks for them, etc., around the school campuses. I also see far more moms and dads who accompany their children into the classroom at the kindergarten level and spend time before the bell rings," she says. "It's hard not to helicopter," Shawnn L. admits. But as someone who works at a university, she doesn't support it: "It is extremely frustrating to watch [parents] be overbearing and [make choices] for adult freshman student[s]. It is extremely frustrating to speak to the student and have the parent answer. It is even more frustrating to watch a student make excellent choices with regards to his/her studies, only to see the parent undermine every choice because they either weren't involved enough, or didn't agree." Lucy L. summarizes: "Don't do something for your child that he or she is capable of doing for themselves." On the other hand, when parents let children make more decisions and help themselves, they often find that their children are more resourceful than they initially thought. Ann F., for instance, recently encouraged her children to sell their unwanted toys to make some money. "When I checked on them in the playroom, they had a whole pile of toys they wanted to sell and were in the process of lugging them out front." Ann's gut reaction was to stop them, but she had a second thought and asked what they wanted to do with the money they earned. "They said they wanted to donate it to an animal shelter or children's hospital. The whole situation reminded me that sometimes it really is best just to get out of their way, not be overbearing, and when they are making their own fun without any parental involvement, to just let them be," she says. As a reader who calls herself "Vegemite Cheese" says of parenting, "It's not always what you do for your kids but what you teach your kids to do for themselves." 7. You Try to Prevent All Mistakes Of course, when making their own decisions, children will make some mistakes, but Lisa B. says it's healthy to let mistakes happen in a safe environment. "Both my kids are extremely careful about touching hot objects and getting their little fingers caught in doors/drawers. That's because I've let them try it when they were 6 months old. As soon as they were able to open and close a drawer, I've allowed them to close it (not too strongly, though), on their own fingers," she says. "Rather than preventing them from doing something dangerous, I let them experience the consequences (provided it isn't health/life-threatening). They know what it's like to touch a hot drink. When they fall, they know they have to get up and dust themselves off, all on their own." As another example, Lisa adds that her son once had a bad habit of putting his fingers and toys in his mouth. "After reminding him several times that it was dirty, I waited to see what would happen. He caught a very painful mouth sore. But now he knows the consequences of putting dirty objects in his mouth," she says. Of course, she offers the caveat that she always tries to reinforce good behavior. Ultimately, moms and dads can avoid overparenting by being supportive of their children, but not being overinvolved, Circle of Moms members say. "There is such a thing as being too involved, too loving, too praising, too in-tune with what your kids are doing . . . just as the other extreme suggests an unhealthy relationship with kids (no affection, attention, encouragement, etc.). Balance really is the key component of all facets of humanity," Jamie B. says. "Being over-protective is an easy and common mistake that parents make," admits mom Riana F., noting she sometimes closes her eyes and says, "World please be gentle with this child of mine." But, she realizes, "The world will never be gentle, it will only ever be real, and if I try to protect my children from its challenges I will also be protecting them from its rewards." http://bit.ly/2qspxnD

[themomsandthecity]

7 Signs You're Overparenting

Can you be "too good" of a parent? Reader Katherine W. says she's worried she has been overparenting or pampering her kids. "I tried to do the very best I could," she relays, "taking them to parks and interesting places every weekend, reading to them, working in their classrooms and every school event, supervising homework every night, helping with Girl Scouts, driving them to after-school activities, arranging play dates, making family dinners a priority, and on and on." However, Katherine recently noticed that her child's friend, whose parent was not as involved, has grown into a more confident and self-sufficient person. "Did all that effort even make any difference?" How do you know if you're turning into an overbearing parent? If, like Katherine, you're wondering if you should be less involved, here we've rounded up readers' advice on signs that you may be overparenting. 1. You Praise Profusely One of the tell-tale signs that you're being overbearing, instead of balanced, is when you notice yourself giving your child a profuse amount of praise. While children need encouragement, parents can go overboard, for instance, when they have an "unconscious, incessant need to praise and reward their kids," says a reader who calls herself "Chatty." She explains: "I think the only time extra praise is warranted is when children are very young; babies and young toddlers have to learn what is appropriate and what isn't, and praising them in an excitable manner when they master a new skill or act in an appropriate or desirable manner helps them to learn. But, if you're over the top and praise them every single time they do something, especially when it's repeatedly for the same thing they've already mastered and done 1,000 times, it's doing them a huge disservice." As an example, Chatty says when first potty training her daughter, she and her husband gave her lots of "high-fives" and "good jobs." But once her daughter mastered the toilet, she "opened a dialogue with her about how it made her feel to be able to go to the washroom on her own." 2. You Offer Too Many Material Rewards Similar to offering an abundance of praise, some parents spoil their children with too many material things. Stephanie Y. came to this realization when one year her 9-year-old son "clearly expressed his utter disappointment in his Christmas gifts. He explained that he didn't get what he really wanted and poo-pooed what he did get," she remembers. After unsuccessfully trying to impart a lesson about the spirit of Christmas, Stephanie realized she had been giving her children way too much. "I am the mom that would carry my kids' backpack for them, or buy the toy to bribe them to be good in the store! I needed to change, be more of a parent." Vowing that her children would never be ungrateful at Christmas again, she reduced the gifts her children were receiving all year round, and also reduced her children's candy consumption, so that they would learn to appreciate Halloween, too. Charlotte R. is another mom who believes "kids these days have way too many things. When I was growing up we had one phone for the whole house and we had to limit our time to share with everyone. We never got to just sit on the phone and call our friends all the time, because we had household chores to do and our homework and getting ready for school," she says. 3. You Have Low Expectations With the rigors of school and extracurricular activities, sometimes parents are hesitant to give their children too many responsibilities. But an ill-fated result of not expecting a lot from your children is that parents might do too much for their kids. Setting low expectations while assuming there will be big rewards is especially a common occurrence in school. 4. You Dole Out Few Responsibilities Setting expectations for your children includes holding them accountable for age-appropriate responsibilities, members add. From a very young age, Ellen B. says, "many kitchen tasks are fair game," and that kids are capable and often willing to bring their dishes to the sink when done, set the table, take the garbage out, and help cook. "And, yes," she adds, "teach them to clean up their messes." Once parents "get over the perception the only you can get things done on time, you will find training them is a time-saver." Increasing responsibilities and "doing less for them can give them the best possible chance" at becoming self-sufficient, independent adults, mom Ellen explains. "The more children learn to do tasks and make good decisions on their own, the better odds they have of living a productive life," she says. When you educate your children about their responsibilities, just be sure they understand that they're not being asked to do things because "'mommy is task master,' but rather [because] 'we live together, and share both the work and the pleasure of having our own home,'" Lisa R. notes. 5. You Repeat Yourself Frequently Once they assign responsibilities, overbearing parents often make the mistake of repeatedly telling children what to do. But parents are not raising robots that should follow every order, mom Angelique A. says. She admits she is sometimes guilty of this with her 14- and 15-year-olds and finds herself constantly telling her own children "to do this and that." She adds: "I mean when will it register that if you see something that needs to be done, just do it?" Still, Angelique knows she needs to lay off if she wants to raise responsible adults. "I was taught independence at a very young age. When I had to, I knew what to do when my parents were away." 6. You Help Without Being Asked Most parents would help their children at the drop of a hat, but several readers advise that parents would be wise to step back and wait to offer help until children ask for it. As a teacher, Pamela W. says she sees today's parents doing too much for their children when it's not necessary. "I see parents carrying their children's backpacks for them, etc., around the school campuses. I also see far more moms and dads who accompany their children into the classroom at the kindergarten level and spend time before the bell rings," she says. "It's hard not to helicopter," Shawnn L. admits. But as someone who works at a university, she doesn't support it: "It is extremely frustrating to watch [parents] be overbearing and [make choices] for adult freshman student[s]. It is extremely frustrating to speak to the student and have the parent answer. It is even more frustrating to watch a student make excellent choices with regards to his/her studies, only to see the parent undermine every choice because they either weren't involved enough, or didn't agree." Lucy L. summarizes: "Don't do something for your child that he or she is capable of doing for themselves." On the other hand, when parents let children make more decisions and help themselves, they often find that their children are more resourceful than they initially thought. Ann F., for instance, recently encouraged her children to sell their unwanted toys to make some money. "When I checked on them in the playroom, they had a whole pile of toys they wanted to sell and were in the process of lugging them out front." Ann's gut reaction was to stop them, but she had a second thought and asked what they wanted to do with the money they earned. "They said they wanted to donate it to an animal shelter or children's hospital. The whole situation reminded me that sometimes it really is best just to get out of their way, not be overbearing, and when they are making their own fun without any parental involvement, to just let them be," she says. As a reader who calls herself "Vegemite Cheese" says of parenting, "It's not always what you do for your kids but what you teach your kids to do for themselves." 7. You Try to Prevent All Mistakes Of course, when making their own decisions, children will make some mistakes, but Lisa B. says it's healthy to let mistakes happen in a safe environment. "Both my kids are extremely careful about touching hot objects and getting their little fingers caught in doors/drawers. That's because I've let them try it when they were 6 months old. As soon as they were able to open and close a drawer, I've allowed them to close it (not too strongly, though), on their own fingers," she says. "Rather than preventing them from doing something dangerous, I let them experience the consequences (provided it isn't health/life-threatening). They know what it's like to touch a hot drink. When they fall, they know they have to get up and dust themselves off, all on their own." As another example, Lisa adds that her son once had a bad habit of putting his fingers and toys in his mouth. "After reminding him several times that it was dirty, I waited to see what would happen. He caught a very painful mouth sore. But now he knows the consequences of putting dirty objects in his mouth," she says. Of course, she offers the caveat that she always tries to reinforce good behavior. Ultimately, moms and dads can avoid overparenting by being supportive of their children, but not being overinvolved, Circle of Moms members say. "There is such a thing as being too involved, too loving, too praising, too in-tune with what your kids are doing . . . just as the other extreme suggests an unhealthy relationship with kids (no affection, attention, encouragement, etc.). Balance really is the key component of all facets of humanity," Jamie B. says. "Being over-protective is an easy and common mistake that parents make," admits mom Riana F., noting she sometimes closes her eyes and says, "World please be gentle with this child of mine." But, she realizes, "The world will never be gentle, it will only ever be real, and if I try to protect my children from its challenges I will also be protecting them from its rewards." http://bit.ly/2mATGle