#but like idk i think the reason why a lot of writing on being mixed race doesn't resonate is bc people don't think this way

[quatregats]

Had a conversation about being perceived as South Asian with my cousin and her kids and I'm still rotating it around in my head because like. Did everyone suddenly forget that I am also half white. Like did you forget that I do not have two South Asian parents

[loveafterdeath-if]

Yeah, similarly to what another anon said, I was kinda hoping for this to be a story about moving on after losing a lived one, specifically your partner, which I thought was a beautiful and heartbreaking concept, and while we did get that in the first few chapters, it feels like this plot twist kind of defeats the whole point.

Though, unlike the other anon, I personally will probably continue reading because I think you are an amazing writer and because I love Ekissa. The only thing that makes me not sure about continuing is that the situation is a bit awkward, makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, so I was wondering about how you were going to manage it? Because MCs moving on process obviously gets cut short, but for those of us who are gonna romance someone else, we still need to finish that process, and one important thing when moving on from an ex is time apart, especially for one you were grieving not so long ago. Otherwise old feelings, nostalgia and a lot of other emotions get mixed up and that would probably lead to confusion. (Sorry, for the long paragraph, just a bit worried about how this is gonna continue)

It's heavy spoiler territory, but I'll have to address this for anon. And it'll be a long-ass response, so be prepared,

You are right about one thing, the whole plot falls apart if El is alive, doesn't it? And like someone said in the LAD discord "why love after death then". They didn't phrase it exactly like that, but you know what I mean. The plot does start with El, but it won't end with them. Idk how to explain without giving away too much, lol

There are clues that El isn't really dead in the first chapters. The flowers MC receives, and now players know El was the one offering them. The doc and Athiel never talk about death when discussing El. MC doesn't have the right to go to the funeral or even see El's body. Even L being called by Juliet at the beginning will have its importance. They're small details, nothing too obvious, but they're here.

I'll be honest, sometimes when writing Athiel talking with MC, I struggled to remember El wasn't dead because I tried to make it look and feel like El was dead, so I drowned a bit in that department.

The characters might seem like a lot, but each has their own purpose, big or small. Some are a breath of fresh air for MC since they're not caught up in all the drama and can be objective. Others are here because they'll play an important role later. Then there are those who serve as reminders of the past with El (like the neighbors). And some are just like those background characters in anime; you don't even see their features because they're just there to serve a small purpose and keep the intrigue going. They come and go.

Sorry, I'm talking too much. So how I'll manage it, is by—and it's where it's gonna get tricky—make MC aware of it as soon as possible. There will be a reunion between MC and El. The tricky part is showing that El won't remember MC, no matter how much/if the MC tries to jog their memory.

The past El is dead; the memories won't come back, and if any fragments do resurface, El won't feel the love they once had. It's more like a ghost of memories; their body remember, but it's more mechanical than actual feelings. Like an old habit that won't go.

MC will have to grieve the old El anyway, even with them actually alive.

In El's route, it'll be all about falling in love again, getting them out of this toxic relationship with their mother, helping them learn to love themself again, and living with someone who is El but not the El you used to know. They have trauma, the confidence they once had is gone, they're insecure and they're more reserved than before.

Juliet is like, the first villain before introducing the final boss. What I wanted to do was weave two kinda plots in the same book because I didn't want to make two separate books. Love After Death is Love After Death for a reason. The plan is to make the players realize that El wasn't the focus of this book in the first place.

I hope there won't have any inconsistencies in this story, but if you find any plot holes, you're free to let me know, and I'll do my best to improve. It's only with advice and constructive critique that I can do so. I'm sure there are blind spots I won't see right away; I'm only human😭

[daisyvisions]

Not Like the Rest - (j.cm)

➺ Pairing - fuckboy!Changmin x fem!reader

➺ Summary - For you, friends with benefits should never drag out this long. Use each other til one of you wants to call it quits. So why was Changmin still hanging around?

➺ Word Count - 1.2K

➺ Warnings - Smut (18+, minors DNI), friends with benefits, mixed feelings, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, squirting, overstimulation (?), aftercare, riding, slight angst (ish? idk), fluff, mentions of bad past relationships, hookups, etc., pet name (babe), let me know if I missed anything!

➺ Author’s note - yippie another one (even if I wanted this to be longer huhu 🥲) but it's been in the drafts long enough, finally letting this one out in the wild. this is my very late bday gift for Changmin's bday, story was originally an ask I had for a different fandom but decided why not write it myself? Proofread once, enjoy!

➺ Taglist: @deoboyznet @winterchimez @snowflakewhispers

Thinking about fuckboy!Changmin, who you’ve been hooking up with for the past couple of months.

To be honest, this was probably one of the longest and most steady friends with benefits agreement you’ve ever had in your life. Usually the others would drop you after the first month or so and ghost you. But not Changmin.

At first you thought he would be like the rest. Just a one time fuck or whatever the hell these guys go for, especially given his track record and all (or so you've heard through the grapevine). You’re used to it by know you think and maybe you should stop this vicious cycle.

But old habits die hard, especially when you’ve had a string of bad relationships that it made you too afraid of commitment. Too afraid of getting your heart broken time and time again.

That’s why you resorted into flings. At least if ever it ends, you’re not so attached right? Well that’s what you try to tell yourself so it hurts a little less.

But that’s why with Changmin, for some reason being with him leaves you with all these mixed feelings. Oh god especially when he does things that make your heart beat fast and the butterflies raging in your stomach?

Or how he makes that rope within your abdomen tighten each time? Like how he is right now as he grips your hips, helping you bounce on his length as you try to reach your high.

It almost seemed too good to be true, that’s why by the third month that past of whatever you wanna call this continued, you did your best to please him almost all the time both in and outside of the bedroom. You wanted to hold onto this one as long as you can, even if there have been moments where it made you tired, especially physically as you continue to bounce on him.

Riding wasn’t really your forte when it comes to sex positions. Though you enjoyed it a lot, it’s just that your knees and leg muscles would eventually give in. But of course you wouldn’t tell Changmin even if it made you drained out. You were worried you might turn him off because in past relationships you would get criticized for it (because they expected you to do all the work).

So as you try your best to ignore the growing ache in your knees and the burn in your thighs, Changmin could tell something was off. It wasn’t your movements slowing down or when you would try to pause in between but with the way you knitted your eyebrows together (and not the kind that’s done because of pleasure).

“Babe, you okay?” He huffs out as his hands continue to guide your hips up and down his throbbing member.

“I-it’s nothing.” You breathe out, trying not to feel the pain in your muscles. You suddenly yelp both out of surprise and pleasure as Changmin suddenly pushes your hips down and halts your movements, his entire cock sheathed inside you as the tip kisses that sweet spot deep within.

“Why’d you stop me?” You whine.

“We need to talk about something-” Changmin says with a serious tone. Was he finally going to break things off with you?

“About what?” You try to keep your composure, not letting your emotions get the best of you.

“You have this face every time you’re on top.” Changmin gets straight to the point. “What’s wrong?”

Oh… so your discomfort does show.

Out of embarrassment, you lean forward and quickly hide your face at the crook of his neck.

“Hey- you can tell me it’s alright.” The warmth of his hand caresses the back of your head.

“Please don’t make fun-” Your voice starts to quiver ever so slightly. “It’s not that I don’t like being on on top it’s more of…” You life your head to face him, you cheeks growing warm from feeling flustered.

“I get very tired from it easily. My legs are- they’re kind of weak. I’m- I’m sorry…”

At first, there’s an awkward silence that fills the room. Changmin’s eyes trying to search something within yours before his chuckle breaks the tension.

God, is he seriously laughing? He’s the first guy to ever laugh at you for this. You should've just kept your mouth shut. Now he thinks you’re a-

“Well why didn’t you say so babe? Hold on.”

“Huh? Oh!” You squeal as his arms wrap around your waist, plants his feet on the mattress and thrusts himself into you like a jack rabbit. As the sounds of skin slapping against one another progresses, you can’t help but let out a string of erotic moans as you bury your face into his neck once more (God how he wishes he could play your sounds on loop forever).

The pleasure was starting to overwhelm you that your vision starts to blur from the tears forming in your eyes. You’ve never been fucked like this before. You practically feel him everywhere. You don’t even realize you’ve already reached your high and now you’re squirting all over him, your cunt gripping his length like there’s no tomorrow.

You reach your second wave of high much faster than you anticipated, igniting something very primal within Changmin to just keep on thrusting up into you. His arms tighten around you suddenly as his release suddenly bursts within your walls, coating them in his hot load.

You suddenly have no energy to move after all that, so Changmin helps you lift your hips, releasing a pool of your mixed essences as lay on his chest for a moment.

For some reason after being honest with Changmin about how you were feeling, it was like you were seeing a totally new side of him. He was usually the type to give aftercare but something seemed different tonight, you just couldn't place your finger on it.

He made sure to prepare a warm bath, help you lather your hair, and made sure you were settled in before holding you in his arms, leaving you a warm goodnight kiss before he went to sleep.

You stayed up for a moment, replaying everything that has happened between you and Changmin from the moment you met. This was very different from your usual hookups, and it made you feel a lot of mixed emotions.

While he made you feel all these exciting things, you couldn’t help but feel scared about how this will turn out in the end. Maybe these are the early signs of him ending things? Will this be one of the final moments you'll ever have with him before you become strangers again?

You mentally shook the thoughts out of your head and decided to focus on what was right here in this moment, snuggling closer into his chest as you slowly drift into sleep.

But little did you know that Changmin’s feelings for you were already reciprocated, ever since you two met. It was only a matter of time til he took you out on a proper date and finally asked you to be his girlfriend.

[kings-highway]

Okay its 130 in the morning and this is a thought ive had for a while so bear with me while I write it, but obviously everyone is familiar with Bokuto from Haikyuu and also everyone is familiar with all the owl jokes. Like Bokuto in fics is always obsessed with owls and he's obviously designed to vaguely resemble an owl and have owlish mannerisms and anyway I don't know if anyone has been pointing fingers at fics like "bleh its so annoying that ppl always make Bokuto obsessed with owls theres literally no canon material for it" and thats true to a degree. Technically we never see Bokuto say that he likes Owls the Birds in any specific way. BUT i do feel compelled to defend Owlboy Bokuto as much as possible so I am here to tell you why I think an Owl-loving Bokuto is actually the most accurate thing in my opinion

And it's really simple. The Fukurodani mascot in an Owl. Bokuto doesn't "love Owls more than other animals," and he certainly didnt in middle school. He probably had a whole host of favourite animals. Maybe he never even thought about owls. And then he joins this team and we KNOW Bokuto loves his team more than anything and I don't know about you guys but high school is weird. Thinking back on it is a mix of complete nostalgia and pure grief and anxiety. But it becomes a part of you, its like your first real identity, being in high school. But bokuto joins this team and suddenly theyre "the Owls." "Everyone give it up for the Fukurodani Owls!" And maybe there's even a guy in an Owl costume at some kind of school event. Idk. Anyway, he starts pointing them out, and gets really excited when he sees them. Because oh my god! Thats us! Isnt that funny? And the more he plays with this team the more he feels like the Owl is a part of him. Thats their mascot! Thats their bird, their animal, and maybe he used to say his favourite animal was a wolf or a tiger or whatever but now he says Owl because thats him!!! And all his friends!!!! Thats his family!!! Theyre owls!!! And so he does get really excited when he sees them. And he goes out of his way to point them out if he sees them at night and he absolutely looses his mind at a zoo when he gets to hold an Owl because he's "been" an Owl for 3 years and it feels like it belongs to him. It feels like its a part of his identity the same way being male or being tall or being an athlete is. He is an owl. And he loves owls.

And then one day he graduates and years pass and now when he sees an owl at 1am and he gets so excited and starts pointing it out to his friends, none of them get why he cares so much, but he knows. He's not seeing a cool bird, he's remembering how it felt to be 17 and walking into a championship match. He's remembering his favourite team he ever played with, he's remembering Akaashi and the old route he used to walk to school and the lunches his mom packed and the feeling he got when they appointed him captain, when they told him they trusted him to be the leader of the Owls.

And he'll try and convince his new friends of how cool owls are. He'll start spewing owl facts like a machine, about different species and how fast they can fly and what they eat and where they live and oddly he seems to be able to identify owl species super accurately and his new friends will all laugh and call him the owl-loving weirdo. They'll consider him just a guy who loves owls (the bird) a lot. And they'll make jokes about it and buy him a t-shirt with an owl on it and they just wont get it. They'll think it's just his favourite animal. And it is. But not like that.

And then when he gets home, even if it's 2am, he sends a picture of that owl he'd seen to the old Fukurodani groupchat and for some godforsaken reason Akaashi is up working on his own projects and he sends back support for the owl Bokuto saw and then every other Fukurodani alumni starts berating Akaashi for being up so late and admonishing him for not preparing better for deadlines and they get into a big argument about procrastination and what time Akaashi should be going to bed while the editor fights for his life in the chat and Bokuto isn't really commenting anymore, he's just reading the messages that flood in, and he loves it, he loves this feeling, because the truth is the chat hadn't been used in about 2 months. But they all love getting Bokuto's Owl Watch Updates, even if nobody paid attention to the picture, because for just 1 hour at 2 in the morning a handful of old high school friends are called together to be a team again despite their new and different lives.

So sure Bokuto gets branded by people who don't understand it as just being weirdly obsessed with owls, but they're good animals. He'll tell them as much. They're good birds. They should be everyone's favourite animal, he thinks. And he'll continue sending photos of owls into a 10 year old group chat, and he'll continue memorizing facts about them, and he will continue to be reminded of the absolute best people he knows every time he gets to see one. So he thinks that's worth being excited about.

So yeah, I think owls are Bokuto's favourite animal, even though there's no canon evidence to suggest it.

[cripplecharacters]

are characters with the power of regeneration inherently ableist?

Hey, I don't think I would go as far as to say that they inherently are, but the execution of it often leaves a lot to be desired.

In my opinion there's nothing wrong with the classic “instantly heals up a bloody wound they got in a fight” or whatever because that doesn't have to do much with actual disability. But what I think sucks is all these “this character acquired [real permanent disability] and now their life sucks - fear not! they will get Cured!” and then the quadriplegic character is no longer quadriplegic. This is disability erasure in a very direct way and treats real disabilities as plot points and tragedy material, not as something that's, IDK, real and that real people live with.

It's especially grating when the character only gets/discovers their regeneration powers after they become disabled. It's so painfully cheap as a plot device, “they became totally DeafBlind in an accident, but then their powers awakened, and they magically regained their senses the same week!!!” - what's the point? This kind of backstory adds absolutely nothing. “We made this character disabled and so sad but sike! they are now abled and so happy!” why even bother?

A lot of these plotlines with disability and regeneration in the mix are just cure stories, and that's kind of their whole thing. The disability isn't something that they have, it's something that they had in Dark Times (and entered the Good Times after getting cured) or that happens to them suddenly and an “oof, thank lord I can just conveniently regenerate my disability or otherwise my life would be nothing but suffering!” follows.

As a disabled writer, it just annoys me how unoriginal and disability-erasing they get for no reason. One could write a character who regenerates from something that would otherwise be lethal and becomes disabled as a result (and see that as a good thing), but that would require thinking that being disabled is better than being dead, and it seems like most fantasy writers aren't ready for such a revolutionary thought.

There's also the thing where generally stories with these kinds of characters don't have anyone who's actually disabled in them, so the closest to a disability representation one gets is a guy who regrows his legs instead of becoming an amputee and regenerates his sight after becoming blind. Which is just. Eh.

This is my Personal One Disabled Guy Opinion on this, and I'm sure a lot of disabled people feel otherwise and/or don't feel any way at all about characters with regenerative powers.

mod Sasza

[olderthannetfic]

I have really mixed feelings about the small proportion of F/F fiction (original or fanfic), because yeah sure, people have their desires, they should write what they want, I get it. It all works out when I hear it from person to person. But somehow the logic only ever applies in one direction? "There are more male protagonists because men only care about male characters! Women also mostly care about male characters, because that's the majority of characters they get!" And then somehow we also yet kvetch when men write female characters (because it's incorrectly or something, nevermind if women are writing male characters correctly). Why don't we expect gay men to feel compelled only by femslash for the same reasons (but gender swapped) as the lesbian slashers/fujoshi? All of those very rational justifications are applied selectively, "for me for not for thee," and it all only leads to "idk I just don't wanna write femslash", for Reasons. Do we get to call them microaggressions yet?

--

No, you don't get to call other people's fantasy life a microaggression.

That is indeed "for me but not for thee" in the sense that you get to want what you want but other people aren't supposed to follow their id.

Do you also police gay men who spend too much time on drag and obsessing over female divas? That's an actual real world behavior that's somewhat equivalent. It frequently goes unchallenged, at least by progressives, because men are allowed to do whatever they want with chick stuff, while women are "stealing" if they dare to stray into dude stuff.

(God, I've seen so much more policing of drag kings being ~problematic~ for acting out stereotypical gender than policing of drag queens for the same. It's nuts!)

Fujoshi are often queer, but it's absurd to think we're mostly lesbians. We tend to be bi or asexual women with gender stuff going on, though there is a mix of everybody, including lesbians. There are also a lot of AFAB non-women who get lumped in with us. On the rare occasions I find a man willing to admit to being a similar demographic, he usually does like gender play in his hobbies and entertainment. It's just that men face even more pressure than women do to fit into tidy categories. Bi women get told we're whores. Bi men are told they don't exist.

Yes, I know plenty of lesbians who write more m/m than f/f, but in the big picture of all of AO3 or all of fanfic or all of media, they aren't the demographic driving these numbers. They're vastly outnumbered by the bi women, the asexual women, and the straight and gnc women.

The men we should be looking at as an equivalent aren't cis gay men but bicurious soy boys and the like.

Do most of us fujoshi object to equivalent men doing an equivalent thing? I've seen it sometimes, and I agree it's hypocritical. I'd like us to afford men the same ability to play and take on identities in their art. I remember enjoying Ranma fandom back in the day and reading quite a lot of f/f that was probably by men. It had some of that same sense of distance and fantasy that I so enjoy in m/m aimed at fujoshi. (I do consume some by-cis-gay, for-cis-gay content, both m/m and f/f, but it's often too literal and too bound up in specific named identities for my taste.)

On average, the people I see complaining most about men producing f/f material are the same people who think that because I have a clit, I should center my life around women exclusively. In other words, people spouting radfem ideology, perhaps on purpose or perhaps without realizing.

I do agree that some of the ways of expressing a lack of desire to write femslash can get pretty douchey. I want us to move away from some of the less accurate ones like "There are no compelling female characters" because of this.

But the reason for all these jerkass explanations is that women and people perceived as women who like m/m are constantly asked to explain ourselves. These aren't usually microaggressions: they're openly hostile. People get defensive and try to answer with important-sounding reasons about identity and pain because society at large won't accept "I like this" as the true explanation.

Pleasure is never enough of a reason for a woman to do something.

[thedanniannie]

🖤Uchiha Men dating goth baddies pt.2🖤

Descriptions lean femme

Nsfw mentions

Uchihas mentioned: Madara, Obito, Shisui, Itachi

Madara:

- I know I said in my last post he maybe wouldn't deliberately simp for goth babes like some of these other Uchihas on my list, but if anyone was going to be the token metal head boyfriend to their goth babe, it's gonna be him.

- like common, he's not gonna have a mane like that and NOT fit the metal head vibe okay?? LIKE LET'S GET INTO THIS FANTASY!!

- And this man has NO crafty skills.... so imagine helping him with sewing patches on his battle jackets UUUUUGGGGHHJDJJDJSJXJCHD

- He's the guy to have gone to a couple of shows with Hashi when they were young, and he just stopped going as he got older. But he would absolutely cave if you batted your eyelashes and asked him to take you to one. Also, he's protective as fucking fuck.

- And at a show, if he finds you slowly inching your way to the pit, he will snake his arm around your torso to pull you back and just give you the most firm look that's like "you're not going in there missy"

Obito:

- He'd wear the ghost face mask.... I feel like we already knew this information. Like, he'd be on goth tiktok and already KNOW that the goth girls fall hard for a man in a mask and would just happen to have the mask from a past Halloween costume and just make note to NEVER throw it out lol

- Although he can be freaky with the mask, he will also be unbearably sweet. The second he learns about boyfriends making "boo baskets" for their spooky partners, he gets to cooking on it.

- I actually think Obi would have a lot of fun finally getting to do all the typical spooky couple shit. Because although I see Obi for sure simping for the goth babes, for some reason he doesn't approach. But with the mix of being a sweetie at heart and the deep trauma he has, he could for sure keep up with his love's date ideas.

- But I think his favorite would be going to scare nights and going through mazes with his partner. Like, ofc he lives staying home and cuddling while watching horror films, but there's something he likes about getting to play the protective bf type during all the scares

- his other favorite thing is having to clean off all the black lipstick stains after a night out. He would beg (and probably has) to get some, especially after you saying you don't want it to "bother him"

Shisui:

- He's gonna regularly send the text that all goths want to hear from their partners: "Hey babe, do you want to get dressed up and get coffee and go Halloween shopping?"

- If you tell him that you had a horrible day at work, he will make sure his queen of darkness is well pampered. A dark themed bath will be drawn, with the favorite Halloween seasonal candle lit. And he will end the night by putting on Coraline for the two of you to relax to. Idk he's just a knowledgeable simp like that.

- As I'm writing Shisui, I feel like I'm making him seem really ran through. And I guess KINDAAA, like I think Shisui would REALLY like the goths. But it's never out of objectification, he just loves how much they embrace the darkness, and look so hot while doing it. But he's an Uchiha, and they're serious about love, so I think "ran through" would like, he's genuinely dated two goths and just had so much love for them that he learned a lot.

- Also I could see Shisui as the kind of guy who is alt at heart, but doesn't look it. He probably never really TRIED to be alt, like outwardly that is, not because he doesn't like it but rather is just happy to listen to the music and know the people. And when you first met him, you thought he was some regular guy and wouldn't know anything about the subcultures. Until he drove you to your guy's first date, and his music taste completely said otherwise

Itachi:

- Idk why but something in me sees him as being intuitively intelligent with any DIY or gothy clothing alterations. Like, he is savvy enough to know the cheapest places to get things, how to make shit happen on a budget. That intelligence could get him places in alternative crafts, but I also see him as someone not driven to be creative. He's just smart, so he can at least offer a helping hand with any craft his goth partner wants to do

- he also likes to genuinely visit historic and haunted locations. Tbh, I don't think Itachi would believe in ghosts. But he's not patronizing to his partner if they do, and will happily tag along to visit haunted places. Mainly because I just see him as a history buff.

- gives you regal hand kisses, but at the randomest of times. Like yeah, maybe some here and there when he greets you or says goodbye, which was more so the case before your relationship got more serious. But now it's tradition, so he's just a little playful with it. A soft kiss on the hand before your "goodnight kiss," periodically when watching horror movies. His playfulness is still so poised lol. He's a vampire that's why lol.

- maybe he'll even nibble on your goth ass neck like he's a vampire BUT IDK YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM MEEEE (😈)

.

.

.

I think my first Uchiha x goths is probably my most popular post, so I wanted to make more of it. Although this has been sitting in my notes for like a month, oops. But yall loving my first one gave me the motivation to finish this one, for all my fellow goth Uchiha lovers out there!

[blessedbetherug]

Me blabbing under the cut on why Eddie presence in between Buck and Tommy makes sense to me from a storytelling pov, and is actually a pretty good plot device.

3 points before beginning:

-I believe Buck when he says he's not pining after Eddie, because Oliver's acting really does not make me think anything else

-I believe Eddie is straight

-I don't necessarely give much credit to the writers, but I gotta admit this makes a lot of sense to me up until now, let's see what the future holds

Addendum: by putting Eddie in the mix they managed to pique the interests of both the sides of fandom, so it surely is a marketing win...

And now here we goo

I believe that Eddie being the point of contention, so to speak, between Tommy and Buck is a really good way to create tension between them, because Buck truly IS attached to Eddie to a degree that it's not healthy for him (see: overinvolving himself in Eddie's departure to yhe point of sabotaging it even when it's clear that Eddie is pulling away and is focused on something else).

And this type of attachment is also what makes Buck be overinvested in his relationships. In short, and as we know very well, Buck has abandonment issues, tries to move too fast forward or is too accepting in fear of being abandoned, and lashes out when he feels wronged by the people he loves... This happens in both his friendships and romantic relationships, but Tommy has seen this happen only with Eddie and literally from the moment they all met.

Buck is especially devoted to his relationship with Eddie and Chris - to the point that Eddie even takes advantage - see when he goes to trivia night with Tommy... And asks Buck to babysit?!

See the confusion over who Buck was jealous of in 7x04: we know that he felt abandoned by Eddie and had unexplained butterflies for Tommy, but it makes sense that Tommy only saw jealousy there and that's not a really good foundation for not being insecure entering a relationship.

Now this is the reason Eddie as a plot device between them works so well: because all the internal issues Buck has are very clear in his relationship with Eddie and while WE know that they are issues that to different degrees permeate ALL his relationships in one way or another, all Tommy has seen up close is how attached Buck is to his honestly quite pretty straight bestie.

Tommy is not able to understand (yet) that the reason Buck is so attached to Eddie is because he has a hard time being alone, and needs to feel like he is wanted.

So Buck realizing people think he's pining after Eddie, realizing his issues being alone is part of the reasons he jumped into bed with Tommy and then deciding to move forward with unpacking is fundamental and shows us that he IS finally self aware and actively trying to resolve these issues.

And Tommy's insecurity, having the character re-entered the show when he did and not being a regular, makes total sense that it centers around Eddie, as narratively it balances and reflects the issues of our main who we as the public have already seen in relation with more characters and we know that it's not just Eddie, it's a pattern that happened even with Tommy himself (asking him to move in way too soon).

Nobody other than Eddie could have covered this role because it's the way Buck's abandonment issues have been made evident to Tommy, even if he mistakenly thought they revealed something else.

In short, IDK what's gonna happen but as a set up for Buck's character growth it's actually pretty decent writing, IMO.

[schrodingersbobby]

respect your commitment to staunch optimism idk how you do it even as someone who also experienced 15 years of spn 😭 i think bobby being buried not in la keeps snagging in my brain because it reminded me of the show’s insistence on reconciliation between biological families and harkening back to bobby’s suicidal wish to join his first family in untimely death idk felt bleak. I mean the connection he had with everyone in la is what we all witnessed on our screens so to undercut that is a choice? and it is undercutting it for me if the core four do not even get to visit/be at his actual burial/gravesite. also i wanted henchim to contend with their grief together at the end bc of how close they are and for hen’s grief to be foregrounded more as she was actually there in the lab (unlike eddie who idk will maybe contend w everything more once he’s properly back if we remain optimistic) but again yay for buck’s one shining moment of maturity i suppose 😔 also i think this episode might feel less jagged without all the grief mixed in if we get bobby resurrection 🤞🏼 but rn i think commiseration is fair play

I mean. the reason why I'm optimistic is because 911 couldn't be Bad Writing Georg, also known as supernatural, if it Tried. but also im gonna be honest. I'm gonna be fine either way 🙊 not as in I don't care if bobby's dead or not but like. in the grand scheme of my life rn. it's a tv show. it's okay.

see idk the bobby being buried in minnesota thing is definitely something that I can understand your points about it and I think particularly the firefam not being able to visit thing is upsetting to me. but also no yeah I think it fit. while I could see the whole "biological families" thing being a problem with like. basically anyone else in the firefam. those are bobbys KIDS. and that's not to say that may and harry and buck aren't. but not only are those his first kids that he loved and lost and failed, but also they died young. and if that was me I genuinely could not imagine wanting to be buried anywhere else idk maybe that is just me

also one of the criticisms that I think you're getting at and that I've seen is that the core four didn't get to grieve more. but also I think we clearly saw the groundwork being laid for all of them to grieve in their own way and this episode was just the start of it with chim and athena. and to me if everyone was doing it all at once then the episode would've been emotionally crowded. I think it was the correct choice to see chim emotionally centered in this arc and also Hen will clearly do a lot of her grieving and grappling with bobbys death when it comes to the captaincy. buck will clearly be putting it off until he breaks and eddie will grapple with it through his coming back storyline like you said.

[oneslimybastard]

Another underutilized aspect of N, Natural Harmonia Gropius himself, is that he's conceptualized as not just a Math Guy, but a Math Genius if we go by some interview trivia notated on Bulbapedia.

It clearly shows in the way he speaks since his (translated) dialogue (idk about the original japanese one) is full of hamfisted references to formulas and frustration expressed when the chaos of the world does not align with them — which to me is like, the core of his character, something that makes him both An Asshole to deal with but also a very intellectually curios and creative individual. It's just a brand of creativity not a lot of people can keep up with nor understand.

N likes math because a lot of math is about clearly defined variables and their relationship to one another. If you come across an inconsistency that doesn't fit any prior definitions, you iron out a new definition and suddenly the field has expanded upon itself tenfold. It aligns with how his Very Autistic Brain functions, x + y = z, if I do x to y then z will happen. If z doesn't happen, then that just means I have to identify the hidden variables within the exchange and rewrite the formula to be more accurate.

Black and White's quality of writing is. Like pokémon often is. Questionable at best. The foundations are there but the execution is dumbed down and corny because it's still aimed at kids, BW in specific really cutting the theme of pokémon trainer ethics short in favor of just "dang u beat me in the pogiebattle guess ur right!". How-ev-er. In my head, and the reason why I still find the plot of those games compelling (aside for my unhinged thirst for goth man-milf Ghetsis) is that to me they're about local cult-raised autist Normal Henry Gropus bashing his head against the world over and over to desperately try and make the formulas make sense, to distill it into variables he can understand and predict on a consistent basis, and failing miserably at it. Because even if the world is Technically made up of a bunch of chemistry that you could, in theory, predict, there's just a lot of random noise in there from microscopic complexities that fuck everything up.

Pokémon are simpler creatures (discounting the eerily intelligent ones) who will be nice enough to behave like math problems most of the time. Humans rarely extend that grace, the more N studies them like a science project the more contradictory variables pop up. They have a million thoughts in their head he doesn't have access to, that brew into feelings he doesn't understand, which leads to actions he can't do a proper traceback through. Which is frustrating, devastatingly frustrating. At least at first.

Due to how BW2 pans out and my own yearning for thematic mirroring, whereas Ghetsis gives in to the Autistic Bitterness over all these NTs he doesn't fuckign understand, I like to think N develops a sort of joy in studying people like the impossibly complex math problems we are. Because he likes math, he likes figuring shit out, he likes buying a nightmare rubik's cube and charting the squares out on a nightmare variable graph (listen i am not a math guy. i respect the hustle but my skill level is too low to accurately attempt to simulate the process in writing. im sorry math guys) so he has a home-made flexible cheat code on how to solve any possible mix-up of it. It's fun for him, it stimulates his brain and he is so stupid good at it that he can only share that joy with like a stray alakazam or metagross because he's a bit of a tarzan just hanging out in the wilderness, he doesn't know any high end mathematicians he can casually geek out about combinatorial game theory with, and the normies just do not get it .

I think this math enjoying is kind of a big part of his ~Innocence~ as well, since there's a lot of childlike glee to being a Math Guy. It's the love of problem solving as a process rather than a means to an end, it's playful, but severely misunderstood to the point where people kinda might assume things about you if you are a math guy.

N's love of math helps him love the world but it also isolates him. He's a genius, but since he can't communicate it in a palatable way it'll get overlooked in favor of him just being a loomy weirdo on the street chatting up the local patrats.

If introduced to DnD though he'd spend so much time on forging ridiculously optimized multiclass builds, then migrate to digging through old obscure sci-fi ttrpgs from the 80s with hellishly complex systems just for the funsies of learning how the presented variables behave within a variety of frameworks, but then if you actually invited him to play with your group he'd look at you like you'd just called his mom a llama.

He's a neat guy to me, STEM guy who's also one of those animal rights activists who's a little too PETA-coded, I like him :)

[gingersnaptaff]

(Okay, so I know I said I was gonna do marriage laws and queenship stuff in regards to welsh laws - and I will! - but here is a nice, quick round-up about BARDS

*SHREDS ON A HARP*

Okay, so this is inspired by @gawrkin 's recent posts on bards because the laws surrounding them are SUPER FUN. And Wales LOVES LOVES LOVES their bards. (Myself included.)

Right, so, without further ado, ONWARDS.

*shreds harp aggressively again*

So the 'spurious triads' the author is referring to are presumably to do with IOLO MORGANNWG *ominous thunderclap*.

I shan't go too much into him as suffice to say, we gotta keep this shit SHORT, but he was a massive forger from Glamorgan (that's what Morgannwg means. It's his bardic name. Iolo is Edward.) who made up a bunch of triads and Celtic / medieval manuscripts including some of the Welsh Triads. Also, he is the reason why the Eisteddfod has the Gorsedd of bards.

So a mixed bag, y'know.

ANYWAY. They're very high-rank on account of being the literally Yellow Pages of Celtic and medieval Welsh societies. If you had a question that needed answering you'd ask a bard. They were like Google. They would know a man's lineage (and Welsh lineages are confusing. There were men named Dafydd ap Dafydd ap Dafydd ap Dafydd. No, I'm not joking.) battles, monarchs, myths, songs, stories. Anything.

And they had to SING. And play an instrument. Namely either a harp or a crwth.

This baby is crwth! It's a little like a violin but much darker in tone. They were extinct for a while but they've undergone a revival and they are FUN!

Also, the court bard had to SING to the queen about Camlann 'in a low voice.' I've heard various reasons suggested as to why and one of them is to remind her that Gwenhwyfar's infidelity was the main reason for King Arthur's downfall, but I think it's probably because of The Slap. Idk though. I'm just guessing, buddies.

Still, it's cool that the queen got a special sing-song.

Also, the bard being 'invested with a chess board' suggests to me that the game of Gwyddbwyll that Arthur and Owain play in the Mabinogion signals that they're bards. Gwyddbwyll being the type of chess the bards would've been familiar with. Plus, we know Arthur is somewhat of an amateur bard (Culhwch and Olwen being the prime example where he sings his terrible englyn about Cai to his face. Arthur, ur a fuckin BASTARD.) so it's in keeping with his character.

Also, I think it's adorable that the harp 'always descended to the youngest son.'

If you want a story that deals with bards and their privileged position in Welsh society and also wants ur heart RIPPED OUT may I suggest 'The Assembly of the Severed Head' by Hugh Lupton. It deals with a bard in a monastery after he's almost perished in a raid and the monks writing out the Mabinogion so they can give it to Llywelyn Fawr. It deals with war, love, loss, and also stonking good historical context. Also lots of poetry!!!!

Final fact: bards in Wales weren't wiped out by Edward the First. That's a fuckin myth. Don't come round here with ur fuckin myths. Old Longshanks has done enough already. May he eat shit.

(Also, Taliesin gets all the good rep but what about my boy Aneirin?)

Okay, BYEEEEE!!!!

P.S.: have an Eisteddfod chair!

[survivalove]

debunking lies zutara shippers say about the atla creators & writers

disclaimer: this is in no way an endorsement or defense of bryke or anyone mentioned. literally just debunking false statements i see spread throughout and outside the fandom as it pertains to kataang

1. that bryke made kataang endgame because the nice guy should get the girl

this is something I see often usually linked with this video of a man ⬇️ who they claim to be bryan/mike echoing this sentiment.

this man is in fact john o’bryan, one of the three known zk shippers in the writers’ room (we’ll expand on this in point 5) talking about how he saw aang. not the creators. so of course it shouldn’t surprise anyone that he doesn’t even like kataang in the first place.

2. that bryke made kataang endgame last minute and zutara was the original pairing

bryan and mike (notice how i’m using both of their names separately. this too will be important in the next point) have talked about how kataang was planned since they originally wrote the show.

they have also talked ad nauseam in a video (which I will not share here cuz it made a lot of ppl angry) about why they do not like zutara and its shippers, so this entire point is bogus.

++ the reason why they say zk was the original pairing is because of one of the zk writers (joshua hamilton) wrote this in the atla fun facts that used to run on tv. (we’ll get into him later) those atla fun facts contain a lot of inaccurate/non canon “facts” which you can check and verify on avatar wiki if you know what i’m talking about.

3. that aang is bryke’s self insert (specifically mike)

yeah, here’s where the separation becomes important. bryan (L) and mike (R) are two different men. mike has never said that aang was his self-insert, nor has he directly talked about relating to aang. bryan, however, constantly talks about how much he relates to zuko. even, going as far to say he tries to think like zuko when he writes characters and shows.

the only time mike has come close to saying he relates to aang is when dante said he thinks mike is more like aang while bryan is more like zuko, and they, mostly bryan, agreed. (mike has actually said he relates to korra more than aang but hey) bryan also is the one who drew mike’s beard on adult aang because he considered it a nice reference to his friend. this is the main reason why shippers ran with that self-insert narrative because half the time, they think bryke is actually one person ☠️

++ in fact, aang’s original character design is based off the mixed black-chinese son of sifu kisu

4. that atla was supposed to have a season 4 where katara and zuko got together

this is mostly something that has come out of a fabricated interview by the head writer, aaron ehasz. he was allegedly asked what he would have liked to do if given the chance to write a fourth season of the show and talked about an azula redemption arc among other things. zutaras then made up a whole fake interview including that he wanted to make the two characters endgame.

ehasz then came out to say that most of these “interviews” were faked and that he has never talked about having a preference for any ship. if you go on his twitter, you will see him talking about an azula redemption arc tho.

as for atla having a 4th season at all, it was never intended. the creators, the music composers have all said at various points in time, the show was written and pitched as three seasons, three elements.

5. that most of the other writers shipped zutara and bryke’s authoritarianism shut it down

as I said above, only three writers on the original show have come out to say they preferred zk at some point. atla has had a total of 21 staff writers. 3 out of 21 is not most if you ask me.

as for bryke (yes now i’m using the shorthand cuz i proved my point earlier) being authoritarians, no writer or staff that has worked with them on the show has said this so…? idk where that came from but i’m not here to back them up just mention facts.

6. that all the women who worked on the franchise shipped zutara while only men shipped kataang

atla has very few female staff as it is:

5 writers (elizabeth welch: zk; others: unknown)

1 director (unknown)

5 storyboard/character artists (lauren montgomery: ka; elsa garagarza: ka; angela song mueller: zk; others: unknown)

1 comic writer (faith erin hicks: ka)

2 comic artists (gurihiru: ka)

++ mae whitman (katara’s voice actress) has expressed her like for both ships throughout the years.

so i’m not sure what defines all and only for some ppl but those definitions are not in my dictionary. disclaimer: i’m not declaring anyone here as a shipper in any official sense. this is just based off statements they have made that you can google!

7. that katara is written poorly in post-atla content because of kataang/bryke

I mean the first part isn’t really a lie, more of an opinion which I can agree with to an extent.

why I mention this here is because zks will not only go on a tangent and link the misogyny in the writing to a m/f ship and say the other m/f ship would have been more feminist…

but they also refuse to hold all the men involved accountable. like I said, 3 known atla writers shipped zk and 2 of them (joshua & john) were men (who would’ve thought men could like a ship and it could still be considered feminist 😃). they were also 2 out of only 4 atla writers that came back for legend of korra, outside of the creators. (19 to 4 ☠️ no comment). these shippers very well know this and instead of holding these men accountable for the misogynistic writing, they instead brag about them shipping it and ask them about zk whenever they have the chance.

another example is gene luen yang, a comic writer who again shipped zk (another man GASPPPPP) responsible for the first 5 comic books. everyone knows his comics suck in terms of characterization, particularly katara’s. in fact zutaras have made multiple threads on how poor the writing is. funnily enough, they always fail to mention that gly was the script writer or acknowledge his part in this mischaracterization, while bragging about him shipping zk in other posts. ironic.

meanwhile, bryke have never offered writers’ commentary on any of gly’s comics besides the search - mike (because they were mostly writing legend of korra during his run.)

basically these shippers don’t care about misogyny or holding male writers accountable if they ship zk which is funny because I thought it was… for the female gaze? why are you hyping men shipping it anyway? confusion.

[gamora-borealis]

hi callie i was wondering if you had any theological thoughts about phan vs jedus, im ex-catholic and kinda agnostic-atheist but i genuinely find your perspective on religion and christianity to be refreshing :)

oh thank you it is an honor to be asked 😭💖 this got really long so my answer is under the cut:

I had to go look the story of judas up again to refresh my memory on certain details because I feel like I'm mostly familiar with the simplified sunday school version in my head (I love theology/philosophy but sometimes the nuances of all the different tellings from each gospel get mixed up or forgotten in my head lol). If you want like, in depth info on the differences in the stories or arguments among biblical historians/academics about the historicity of his story I would recommend reading the Wikipedia article about Judas because it goes in pretty good depth and gives lots of citations and quotes like actual credible scholars that I read and not crackpot evangelical "historians" who try to claim that everything that happened in the bible is somehow 100% true and try to make all the gospels fit together when they actually contradict each other lol.

but essentially the main reason people even ship jedus is because in the text judas gave jesus a special greeting kiss on the cheek in front of the romans who were looking to arrest jesus to show them which guy they were looking for (he accepted a bribe for this). like I think it's more so a modern invention to make the kiss seem homoerotic or something, which like be my guest I guess lol I love making shit gay! some gospels claim he was possessed by satan, some claim he was just in it for the money, but I think it's agreed that he regretted it afterwards and didn't actually want jesus to die and so he killed himself (or had an accident after being very distraught).

but like, if you want to get real gay, john the apostle is referred to as the disciple "that jesus loved." although I have seen it pointed out that this is a bit biased considering that line is from the gospel of john which was written down by john's followers like a hundred years later. but still, also john was the only one of the 12 disciples at Jesus's crucifixion (along with Mary Magdalene who basically was a disciple but the church has tried to cover that up because she's a woman, and his mother Mary, and some other family friends who were also named Mary lmao). so like why jesus x judas and not jesus x john?? it kinda seems like childish "hehe judas kissed him GAYYYY" over like. the actual close relationships jesus had lol.

to be fair I don't think I've ever seen jesus christ super star or any other jesus inspired musical that may or may not have contributed to this ship being popular. but at least there is probably a narrative or subtext there that leads you to want to ship them, whereas in the straight up bible I'm like. idk lol.

but real talk like. dan and phil are so very like, drawn together by the universe coded (which in the kind of non-standard theology I ascribe to, God is the universe!) and are such an uplifting entertainment duo that bring joy and hope to so many people I'm like. If God and/or Jesus had to chose, would they choose this beloved real couple or the guy who betrayed Jesus and helped get him crucified??? Like please.

(also I could write an entire treatise on why theologically god is not homophobic lol I won't get into that, but whether that includes Jesus the historical guy who existed? idk he never spoke on that - though some people think he was accepting of a roman soldier who maybe had gay relationship with a servant but that interpretation is a bit iffy - but jesus did go against a lot of gender norms at the time by being a single nomadic teacher who hung out with single women and told men to leave their families and follow him and if we think of him as theologically supposedly being at the right hand of God in heaven nowadays then they would be on the same page lol).

To get actually theological about Judas though, there are people who believe that Jesus's crucifixion was a necessary in some kind of weird sacrifice for our sins situation (academically known as penal substitutionary atonement theory) which I just don't buy into that at all lmao even though it's very popular in Christianity, especially among evangelicals. so like some people might be like "well judas had to betray in order for Jesus to die which was a good thing" but I just straight up think that's a crazy thing to accept like why did God have to violently crucify a supposed version of himself and/or son in order to forgive people of their "sins" that is such a weird convoluted way of thinking but that's what happens when people insist on believing God is all powerful and then try to justify bad things happening. Whereas I'm a fan of the movement to replace the term "omnipotent" with "amnipotent" meaning God isn't all powerful but is all loving (and there are some better translations that actually support this there is a recent book about it by Thomas Jay Oord) and be like well sometimes bad shit happens that God doesn't support but God's gonna just keep trying their best!!! so like I don't think Judas had an excuse per se but also maybe Jesus was bound to be crucified anyways not because God wanted it but because he was like, building a movement to challenge the Roman Empire even though it wasn't necessarily a violent one (more like mutual aid, dual power type stuff rather than a direct, violent revolution - which some jews at the time understandably supported although it unfortunately didn't work out for them). But this is looking back at it from modern times. At the time you could say Judas sold out Jesus to the equivalent of the CIA or FBI or something, like even if he felt bad afterwards why are we shipping them... I guess people might be like "Judas had to do it for the plot it's tragic!!!" but for what other reason are we shipping them besides the betraying kiss on the cheek that was in a different culture lol

I did see some interesting arguments in the Wikipedia article about how most historians think Judas was real but some think he could have been an antisemitic invention by Christians, there's a very big messy history of Christians, like even in the scriptures, blaming Jesus's death on the Jews in a way that is just very antisemitic and probably not true so that's another interesting aspect to this as well.

Anyways this is my perspective as someone into queer, existential, process theology/philosophy that is ultimately pretty protestant despite me being a practicing anglo-catholic episcopalian who likes saints and catholic worship and some other catholic-y things lol (episcopalians are like the bridge between protestant and catholic lol). hope this big rant made sense, I got kinda hyperfixated and haven't had addedall today and have been procrastinating eating since before I started writing this so I better go do that now 😂

[wolfertinger]

I started to write a message the other day but idk if it accidentally sent or smthn so sorry if you got some unfinished gibberish. Anyway-

I also followed Salem during his puppychan era but unfollowed when he would cycle thru suibaiting. So, I'm only newly refreshed on this drama. The reason why I'm bothering to send in an ask is cus I'm a system and have some thoughts? Obviously these are from my perspective so they're not extensive.

About alters and Salem's explanations from a system perspective: he says an old host was responsible for his puppychan era and tends to generalize his own system. This isn't uncommon, honestly. Where a current host will say something like "I used to be puppychan" as a general statement to mean "we were responsible for the Twitter famous Puppychan stuff".

However, what makes our host and cohost raise a suspicious brow is the fact that Salem IS generalizing instead of encouraging the separation of Salem vs his old host. And I think that's where a lot of criticism is hingeing on? Because most peoples conclusions are: wouldn't someone WANT to be clear that they're no longer that person? And the fact that Salem does hold onto his Puppychan fame in a defensive way makes it seem like he's personally invested.... When, in an alter sense, it is like... Defending someone elses shitty behavior.

That being said! DID is a covert disorder. Depending on the environment the system is in, the alters might not have distinctive personality differences. This is meant to protect the system. It can be hard even for the system itself to identify shifts in who is fronting. Given the situation they describe, it's not hard to believe that Salem might have this issue.

Now that I've said that, there's a LOT of their behavior that sets us on edge. Idk we've inhabited the Internet long enough to see a lot of people do the whole "it was my alter that said that DEFINITELY not me". So I've got a lot of skeptism. It might just be a thing learned through experience and time but most systems I know exercise a general responsibility. If one member of the system does something shitty or has the urge to do something shitty, the system as a whole usually kicks in to say "hey maybe don't do that".

This, again, is a safety measure. If the system is in an environment where they can't show, idk greatly opposing personality traits, they usually mask or conform to what is expected. Manic behavior is usually wrangled (most times by persecutors) so that, outwardly, the system appears normal.

Clearly being online makes these manic reactions easier to release without the system filtering... It takes a lot of learned control to stop those impulses even without a disassociative disorder added into the mix.

Idk where I'm going with this. I think there's a lot going on here but this is my perspective as someone with DID. I mean, obviously this doesn't excuse the shit that individual alters have done and I'm definitely not saying it's as simple as blaming an alter for past mistakes and calling it good. Generally, we're confused by how they talk about their own alters lol

.

[funkii-fox]

Happy Women’s Day- Devo the Cursed x Fem Reader

Author’s note: Pls dont cancel me for this bc IT CAME TO ME IN A DREAM!!!!! I queued it bc i wanted to post it on womens day but it already past before i could finish it 💀 Happy Women’s Day :3

Warnings: femcide, blood, gore, rape, kinda necro a little, man idk why u would read this if ur soft u already know its devo and funkii fox writing it

March 8th, 1969

The tape starts with the gruesome view of the fresh, naked corpse of a young woman lying on a forest floor. The man behind the camera is breathing heavily and holds the camera unsteadily, shaking from side to side. The camera focuses on her neck. It had been slit, deep red blood slowly leaks from the wound, in addition to plum purple bruising in the area that indicates the victim had been choked. The cameraman pans over the rest of her body. More bruises and gashes litter her entire body. Bloody handprints were smeared on her breasts, face, and thighs. The cameraman lets out a breathy “wow” as he keeps the camera steady for a second. “I can’t believe I did this,” he explained quietly, “She was real pretty. Always decked out in some fancy clothes. Her make up was always perfect. And she was sweet, too.” The cameraman squats down to get a closer view of her face. “I ruined her.” Her pastel pink lipstick had been smudged to her right, implying that she had struggled to get her lips away from the perpetrator. Her once neutral blush had been smeared in her deep red blood. There were small clumps of dirt stuck to her long, false eyelashes. Still wet, teary mascara had clung to her face. “She got all dolled up and pretty, and now her clothes are scattered everywhere,” he pans around to the surrounding area to show scraps of a teal, polyester dress mixed within the nearby leaves. “I think she liked me? I don’t know. You never know with women. But she was real sweet to me. Spoke in such a soft, little voice to me. ‘Hello, Devo. How are you?’” He imitated her in a high, girly voice. “That’s the other thing. She always cared about me and how I felt. If I’m ticked off, she would distract me by being funny or sweet.” There’s a pause that lasts about 30 seconds. He doesn’t say anything, only unsteadily points his camera at her disgraced body with his breathing in the background.

“Man, I can’t believe I did this,” he lets out a breathy laugh, “well, I invited her out. I don’t got a lot of scratch on me, but I decided to have fun anyway you know. We aren’t official- well, I guess we never will be now- so I said as friends. She agreed and we went out to some bean wagon ice cream place nearby. We had a blast, though. After we left the ice cream place, we kept talking and walking around a park. One of the paths on the park stretched into these woods. Then… I don’t know.” He pauses and takes a breath. “Ha… well… I wanted to get with her. She refused. She said ‘but we’re in public’ so I lead her to a deeper part of the forest. I’ve lived here since I was about 6, so I know this forest very well. She started screaming and struggling, I dont even know why. I wasn’t planning on murdering or even hurting her. I just wanted to have a good time. But she insisted on freaking out and squirming and hitting me so I had no choice. I told her to stop being hairy, but of course she didn’t. Women are so difficult. I’m obviously a lot stronger than her, so I just held her in place. She was kept telling me ‘no, please, stop please’ so I ripped up her pretty dress and shoved the balled up cloth in her mouth. She was crying hysterically by now, but at that point she had a reason to. All the commotion she was making was really ticking me off.” You can tell the cameraman is getting worked up from just recalling the memory. His hold on the camera became even more shaky. His voice turned from laid back to frustrated, as if she was still alive and still resisting him.

“I raped her. She told me that she was saving herself for the one. I guess that means I am the one,” he chuckled. On a dime, his tone changed from upset back to casual. “At least she got to lose her virginity before she died.” He moves over and spreads her limp legs. He moves the camera to view her vagina. He spreads it with two fingers, you can see his semen mixed with blood in her walls. “I’ll savor this- just look at it.” He sighs. His tone turned into one with longing, as if he wasn’t satisfied by what he’s already done to the young lady. Her last moments on this Earth were filled with terror, fear, and pain, and this psychopath wants more. He sensually slides in two of his fingers in her still wet vagina further, not only violating her while alive but post mortem as well. He pulls them out slowly with an aroused sigh and spreads them to show the viewer, congealed blood mixed with semen sticking to them. “But anyway, I dont know why I killed her.” He says as he wipes off the fluids on her thigh, “I think I was mad? I don’t know. I just kept hitting her and I pulled out my pocket knife and just started slashing. At first I was very careful to not kill her but well, I did anyway. I loved the look in her eyes as she died. That was what pushed me over the edge. Her sweet eyes all teary and scared. Her pretty eye makeup all tarnished and streaking down her face. They got even wider as I slashed her throat. After that, they closed forever.” He pauses for another 30 seconds.

“I don’t know. Happy Women’s Day, I guess. I hope the pigs don’t catch me.” He says with a chuckle before the tape ends. The tape was found next to her corpse. The corpse and subsequent tape were found by a young couple the next morning while taking a walk. Despite all of the personal information the perpetrator had shared in the tape, we haven’t located the suspect as of yet.

[kcscribbler]

20 Questions with a Fanfic Author

Thank you for the tag, @andthekitchensinkao3!

1. How many works on AO3?

Looks like 167, to date. I haven't yet reposted my ACD Sherlock Holmes or BBC Sherlock fics from ff.net to AO3, or a couple of the SPN fics, so the total count IDK.

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

1,889,222 right now. I believe I have about 1.5M in as-yet unposted from the above fandoms (another reason the cross-posting hasn't happened, lol).

3. Top 5 Fics by Kudos

Kudos aren't something I pay attention to, but it looks like:

Open Books & Closed Doors (Star Trek AOS, gen, 28K) 477 Kudos Five times Jim Kirk epically failed to keep a secret from his command crew, and one time his command crew kept it for him.

As a General Rule (Star Trek AOS, gen, 20K) 434 Kudos Five times Jim Kirk protected his crew, and one time they returned the favor

Watching the Watchman (Star Trek TOS, McSpirk vibes, 21K) 419 Kudos Five times Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock went all protective on Dr. McCoy, and one time McCoy showed them that he doesn't need y'all's coddling and can darn well take care of himself, thanks very much.

Living in the Shadows (Star Trek AOS, gen, 21K) 354 Kudos Five times Jim noticed one of his officers wasn't doing well, and one time they returned the favor.

My Captain (Star Trek TOS, Spirk vibes, 45K) 327 Kudos Five reasons why the crew of the Enterprise would follow James T. Kirk to Hell and back, and one reason why he would do the same.

We all like a good 5+1, don't we.

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, actively writing for the Loki fandom and kicking around some ideas for getting back into Star Trek TOS and AOS. Other potential fandoms can be seen on my pinned post, though I'm not actively looking at anything other than ACD Sherlock Holmes and potentially Good Omens.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I really try to, though I'm very behind on that at the moment. I've had very few spoons lately due to IRL things.

6. Angstiest Ending?

I dislike major character death, though I've written it (not recently, so I can't link to it). Since I tend to write for fun and don't find writing angst much fun usually, I don't write a lot of angsty endings. But the end of Act Two: Civil War was fairly angsty by my low standards.

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

I'm not sure my readers would agree, but I personally think the ending of the Storyteller series is the happiest. For me, it "fixed" the S2 ending without actually discounting the sacrifices of that story arc, and the older I get, the more attractive the idea seems, of just growing old peacefully being loved by someone special.

Otherwise, I'd choose Second-Best Destiny, my AOS/TOS crossover and Generations fix-it.

8. Do you get hate?

Not often, and not recently, since I turned off anon messages on Tumblr and deleted my ff.net profile (though oddly, I also got a lot of hate for doing that). Most people in my fandoms are lovely, as a rule.

9. Do you write smut?

I don't. I'm on the gray end of demisexual and don't really enjoy reading smut unless it also has great emotional connection, so I also don't really enjoy writing it. There are plenty of amazing writers who do write the spicy stuff very, very well, and so I think I'm good to just play in my corner of the sandbox.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Not very often. They're super hard to do, and you have to really know both fandoms very well to do them properly, IMHO. I usually hyperfixate on only one fandom at a time, especially because my fics tend to be dialogue heavy and that gets diluted if I'm mixing fandoms.

I've written a few Star Trek AOS/TOS crossovers and one wild Star Trek TOS/Sherlock Holmes crossover that is still one of my favorite things I've ever written, but I haven't done one recently.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. I've been made aware of them being circulated off-platform without my knowledge, which is a big ick, but at least no one's claiming them as their own.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Several times. It's super flattering! I have a blanket consent policy on my profiles for translation (or things like podfics, etc.), provided I'm credited with the original. I'm always amazed and honored when that happens.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic?

Several times and with a few different writers, though not recently. It was a super fun experience, and crucial to my development as a baby fic writer. But it does mean both parties have to have great communication and complementary styles, IMHO, to stay enjoyable to the end. Super fun if you have the right collaborator.

14. All time favorite ship?

I'd probably go with the OG and choose Kirk/Spock, because Star Trek TOS was a formative fandom experience, but I'm pretty ship-agnostic if the fic and characters are well-written.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My WIP "dump document" is over 100 pages long, so. Let's not go there.

16. Writing strengths?

Dialogue and plot twists, maybe. Over the last decade-plus, I've also developed a pretty solid process for ruthlessly cutting and editing, as well as being able to write out of order, which helps get around writer's block sometimes.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

Actual plots. 🤣 And descriptions. I tend to lean too hard into dialogue to carry a scene and then two pages later remember "oh right, they were supposed to be walking outside."

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

As a reader, I don't mind it if its basic meaning can be easily extrapolated from context. I would love to be multilingual, but I'm not, and it takes me out of the story if I have to scroll down to read a footnote and come back.

In writing, I presume that's the majority opinion and only use it if it can be extrapolated from context, unless it's plot-twist related (such as a communications breakdown and designed to increase the reader's confusion as well).

19. First fandom you wrote for?

ACC Sherlock Holmes, though I'm guessing most of the stories I wrote as a teenager were probably just unintentional Nancy Drew self-inserts.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

The Last Dream (Star Trek TOS, Spirk vibes, 15K) Missing chapter from the end of The Voyage Home, because I wanted more emotional resolution.

No-pressure tagging @elodiah, @lokimobius @in-my-loki-feels @justabigoldnerd @thewildballyntynesgrow

@tigereyes45 @strangenewwords @affixjoy and open tagging anyone else who wants to join!