#but like i understand why because it’s all stuff that’s still currently being researched so it’d be irresponsible to distribute it

[pollenallergie]

i have to present the research i conducted this summer to the entire department of natural sciences at my university (its a community college, but STILL!! that’s a lot of people!!), but like… i wish i could just present it to you guys (especially @heyndrix because i think they’d think it’s neat even tho it’s not in their realm of bio). like we could just hop on a zoom call and i could just show you all the cool shit i did and talk about why it’s important.. and i could show you all my little fish videos. like it’d just me by moots and me and @quirly talking about my fishies and watching videos of them (grace would be included, because like forever ago i emailed her pictures/videos of the fish i worked with and she actually responded??? and was like kinda maybe a lil hype about them??? and that really warmed my nerdy lil heart because no one, save for my colleagues and some of you lovelies, ever even tries to act like they care about my fishies!! but like they’re important!!! they’re tiny, but they’re a model organism for the evolution of reproductive behaviors!!! like literally the model organisms for how species evolve to get better at making more of themselves?? that’s so fucking cool to me!!!).

[arolesbianism]

I have obtained a new oc and in the process I've already signed myself up for needing to make at least 3 new ocs for his story which he now has despite me initially Intending for him to be a side character for a different side character to hang out with. My townhouse has over 200 characters on it.

[bidisasterevankinard]

I have loved you since we were eighteen

Bucktommy/T/ 2k

Buck has no way to be Tommy’s anyway. Why not break the last thread between them to stop hurting himself with those meetings? He nods to himself. The shorts fly into him with speed of lighting, sending a current of alcohol poisoning through his veins. He orders the song and then two more shots, drinking them just as fast. When his name is called out he gets on the stage, getting the long breath out. or, Buck and Tommy are childhood friends and Buck is tired of hiding his feelings. He uses the song to tell Tommy about his feelings

You can read under the cut

The very first time Evan Buckley saw Tommy Kinard was when they were fourteen. Tommy was playing basketball, when Buck helped his dad get all their stuff to the new house they bought in San-Diego.

The neighbor boy quickly attracted Buck with his height and athletic skills, and Buck’s heart missed a beat when Tommy jogged to him, offering his hand, name and to help with bags. Only four years later Buck will understand what it all meant. That his heart already chose Tommy to love him forever that very moment.

But for that moment it was just the start of the friendship. Incredible and amazing friendship, where for the first time since Maddie left Buck felt that he means something to the person. That he is loved. That he has someone to care about him not just when he had bad grades or hurt himself on purpose.

They were inseparable. Basically every 24/7 they were together. Evan and Tommy against the world. They were even each other's first kiss. Tommy asked Jessica Lee on the homecoming, when they were sixteen and was desperate to make sure he knew how to kiss.

Buck wasn’t even thinking of offering himself.

That kiss felt so so good. Made him feel like flying and, for the first time in his 16 years, free.

For a week he thought it was because it was his first kiss. But then Taylor Kelly, who was his homecoming date, kissed him during the slow dancing, and he knew. He liked to kiss boys and girls equally, but Tommy kissed better than Taylor. He was less demanding, slower. Buck liked it.

Whole night of researching and the next day he knew that he’s bi.

He didn’t know how to tell Tommy. He knew what crap Tommy’s father fed to the guy and even with Tommy’s refusal to be like him, Buck just didn’t know how to tell him.

He was sacred. He didn’t want to lose his best friend.

For a month he was silent. Dying inside, especially after Derek Hale asked him out and they started dating. He wanted to tell Tommy every day. But he stopped every time. He wasn’t brave enough.

Tommy found out two months after the homecoming. It was normal for them to come unannounced in each other's houses as if it’s yours.

Buck should have expected it really. But he was too busy kissing Derek to hear the door open.

He still doesn’t know who was more embarrassed about seeing Buck straddle Derek with clothes in a mess on their bodies. But at least he came out to his friend. Who hugged him and promised nothing changed between them. Buck didn’t analyze why it made him feel so bad that Tommy didn’t feel like it changed something between them.

He just thanked his friend and smacked his head when Tommy promised to kill Derek if he hurt him. Which was not needed, because a year later, Derek became one of the friendliest breakups in Buck's life. And they were just 17.

That’s when Buck started to see his attention always being on Tommy. His mood directly depends on the opportunity to spend time together. And how he hated Jessica for being such a good high school sweetheart lover for Tommy.

She was even ready to wait for him from the army, but Tommy told her not to. Buck really hated that he felt so happy and satisfied about it.

Buck wanted to tell Tommy how he loved him the moment he sent him off to his basic training, as he was the only person to do it. But he wasn’t brave enough again. Yet, he always came to be the one to touch him every time Tommy was coming back. Alive. Back home to Buck.

Even though San-Diego long ago stopped being his home as he left it for his traveling soon after Tommy. He was coming to Tommy. It was coming home.

Buck tried really hard to be too hopeful he actually came back to him, but his heart always missed a beat when Tommy hugged him so tight.

Four years later Tommy came back for good, but settled down in LA, ending the fire academy. A year later, he offered Buck to come and try too. Tommy felt like Buck would love this job.

He was right. Buck was ecstatic about being a firefighter. And finally in LA he felt like home. Tommy, and everyone, would never know it because he is back to being close to Tommy. His real home.

“I’m just saying, I’m still young and hot. I shouldn’t cry too long just because my first serious boyfriend broke up with me. So I’m going back in the date pool,” Tommy’s words take Buck back from his memory road.

Sal and Eddie nod with smirks, clink their beer bottles with Tommy’s.

“Finally, man, this one was never good enough for you anyway,” Sal shrugs and Eddie nods. “Right, Buck?”

Everyone looks at him now and Buck swallows, nodding, “y-yeah. He was too stupid and not hot enough.”

He uses his best patented fake smile sending it to Tommy and then sips his beer.

Those words get another memory out. Tommy and Buck are 18 and someone told them they looked like a cute couple. Buck still remembers Tommy’s disgusted face. It broke his heart. It must have been the reason he never told Tommy about his feelings. Not even when Tommy came out three years ago.

“Nuh, this one is too small,” Tommy says to Sal, who holds his phone, “I prefer my man big. I love to have something to hold onto.”

Eddie, Sal and Tommy laugh, and Buck fakes it too.

His heart breaks aging even thinking about seeing Tommy dating or just hooking up with someone else. He won’t survive seeing another Alex in the palace he wanted to be since he was fuckign eighteen.

“I need tequila,” he quickly gets up, as it seems scaring all three of his friends as they just and almost slipped their beers, “sorry.”

He needs more booze if he wants to get over their ‘we try to meet every month, but good if it happen every three’ meeting and talking about Tommy’s Grindr profile and that type of guys he wants to fuck.

“Two shots of tequila, please” he tells the bartender, turning to the stage where the woman with red hair sings about last changes and losing the person you love for good.

Yeah, Buck knows the feeling. He basically is no one for Tommy for years now. No matter how he tried to cling, the man put the wall between them. Like in those middle ages castles. Tommy is inside the castle and Buck was left out of fortresses and even thrown over the bridge over the moat. And the bridge is raised and can only be lowered from the inside.

Buck has no way to be Tommy’s anyway. Why not break the last thread between them to stop hurting himself with those meetings?

He nods to himself. The shorts fly into him with speed of lighting, sending a current of alcohol poisoning through his veins. He orders the song and then two more shots, drinking them just as fast.

When his name is called out he gets on the stage, getting the long breath out.

Well, there goes nothing

All three of his friends, who sit basically near the stage, applaud and scream the loudest, and Buck even sees Sal taking his phone out. Maybe the man would be kind enough to delete this particular embarrassing moment when Buck would hurt too much with inevitable rejection, heartbreak and completely ruined years of friendship. The man is not so heartless.

The song starts and Buck searches for electric blue eyes to which he will sing it.

I got a heart and I got a soul

Believe me, I will use them both

He puts the hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating too fast. He might not really survive this song if it will continue beating like that.

We made a start, be it a false one, I know

Baby, I don't want to feel alone

So kiss me where I lay down

Buck touches his lips, imaging Tommy kissing, closing his eyes for a second, letting himself live in the better word, before open them again and look at Tommy who swallows and crosses his hands over his chest,

My hands pressed to your cheeks

A long way from the playground

The moment of truth for which he is not ready for not even a little bit.

I have loved you since we were eighteen

Long before we both thought the same thing

To be loved and to be in love

All I can do is say that these arms were made for holdin' you, oh

I wanna love like you made me feel

When we were eighteen

Tommy doesn’t blink with a beer bottle half to his mouth. Sal gets it down for him.

We took a chance, God knows we've tried

Yet all along, I knew we'd be fine

So pour me a drink, oh, love

And let's split the night wide open

Tommy doesn’t move. Sal and Eddie play like they don’t know what is going on, not looking at him, as if trying to give them privacy. As if Buck’s doesn’t pour all his heart in the song in front of the whole bar.

Next part to the ending is even easy to sing. He just lyrics pour all his repression of a decade.

Buck jumps from the stage coming to sit near Tommy when the song is close to ending.

I have loved you since we were eighteen

Long before we both thought the same thing

To be loved and to be in love

And all I can do is say that these arms were made for holdin' you, oh

And I wanna love like you made me feel

When we were eighteen I wanna love like you made me feel

When we were eighteen<

He comes basically to bend down to be almost centimeters away from Tommy's face. Memorizing his face for the time he won’t be able to see it ever again.

I wanna love like you made me feel

When we were eighteen

Last lines are done, and Buck doesn’t dare to move or say anything. Tommy just stares at him till the girl comes to take the microphone from him. Buck gives it to her and then turns away from his friends, hiding his tears.

“I-I,” he swallows, his stutter as never is annoying, “I forgot I have the important stuff to do. Bye,” he grabs his jacket, throws his money on the table and runs away, happy to see the free taxi near the bar.

Taxist must see the tears running on his cheeks as they don't try to start the conversation.

When he’s at home, he barely closes the door before falling on his ass, crying in his knees.

Ten years. He was strong enough to keep it from himself for ten years. And now he should have been selfish and needy to break it all.

He doesn’t remember how he stopped to cry or fall asleep still near his door, but he wakes up to the sun getting into his eyes.

He masters powers to get into the shower and at least for a little bit feel like a new person, when he hears the knock.

He doesn’t want to answer. His head, neck and ass kill him, but the person knocks and knocks, so he has no other choice.

He is surprised to see who it is. He wasn't expecting to see him ever again. See him not on the job.

Tommy looks good as always. He must have had a good night's sleep.

“Tommy, h-hey,” Buck blushes, when he understands he answers the door only on his towel.

“Hey, can we talk?”

“Y-yeah of course,” he moves to let Tommy in. “Do you want something? Juice? Water?”

He runs to the kitchen with a need to do something.

“No, I’m not for long. I have a shift soon,” Tommy shakes his head. “Just didn't want to go without doing it first.”

That’s it. That’s the moment Tommy will tell him they can’t be friends anymore.

“D-doing w-what?”

Yeah, Buckley, you’re such a masochist

Tommy looks at him, getting closer, “this.” Buck feels the fingers on his jaw second before he feels the warm mouth on his.

God, it even is better than he ever could imagine. Not that he really believes it’s real. That’s why he doesn't open his eyes for a second long after the kiss is broken.

“What are you doing on Saturday?”

“S-saturday?”

“Yeah, saturday. Are you free?”

“Y-yeah. I am free.”

“Good,” Tommy smiles and then bites his lips looking him up and down, “because you weren't the only one in love since we were eighteen.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Tommy nods, kissing him again. “Fuck, no matter how I want to stay and get this towel off, I really need to go.”

The man goes to the door, opening it, but not going, just smiling at Buck, and that’s when Buck’s brain knows it’s the reality.

He quickly checks no one is out there, before smirking.

“Well, treat me right on Saturday and you won’t need to wait for the third day to see this again,” Buck lets the towel fall, memorizing Tommy’s moan. “Payback for your face when the person suggested we’re together years ago.”

“You're the devil, Evan buckley. Real devil.”

Buck shrugs.

“Yeah, I am. Yet, you still love me,” he smiles. “Go. The crosstown traffic is a nightmare. And be safe.”

Tommy nods.

The door behind Tommy is closed, yet Buck feels like they opened the new one. Better one.

The one that will make them happy and each other forever.

[rondoel]

Quartz & Riebeck brainrot below! doodles + some snippets of my ponders about psychology & neurodivergence in hearthian society

(snippets but it's still very long! 😂)

Started with the thought I like that Quartz is of the same age as Riebeck, making them of the same hatch bath and therefore having grew up together :D

(hanging out with Riebeck who is very cautious is probably the only reason Quartz even reached the adulthood)

--

I think of hearthian society as potentially good place for neurodivergence because of its size and how they seem to function.

It makes sense for something like mentorships going on there where it comes to raising young - a hatchling picks an adult that resonates with them in some way and learns their craft. In small society it's very important to do what you're going to be good at. That would make a person that will be raising you the best fit for you.

I small society a common understanding would be that everyone is different. And again, it's crucial for those differences to be used in the best way. So no ostracizing, no assumption to "fit in" with the "norm". Endorsing those differences to progress.

Those things together create a fascinating environment for me to examine those traits in kind of a vacuum, where I can examine how person will function in society with just the traits they have - instead of mainly through lens of learned trauma responses, masking and social pressures.

--

I'm fascinated by the thought of these two naturally being thrown into the same box of "having a bit of difficulties with people" - while being just so NOT like each other (which later on becomes obvious, but early on they just hang out with each other because 'why not, we're both weird kids after all').

When it comes to social stuff Riebeck just doesn't understand how to relate and connect with others, and it's a big issue for them. While Quartz just doesn't want to participate because they don't feel this need at all.

So there's some common ground here - but they don't really understand each other. Which at some point they start to notice.

(Riebeck - the only person to ever make Quartz laugh. at their misfortune. but. still)

Where exactly the line lies in their difference came further in my research.

--

It started with me wanting to find a better name for Quartz' neurodivergence. I was thinking about psychopathy and sociopathy and how neither are recognized as a official diagnosis. Especially not medically/neurologically.

So to examine it in hearthian society I wanted to know where is that line between actual neurological condition vs trauma response + adaptation. I wanted to know If there are traits that are there from the start.

Then I found about the Callous-unemotional traits (CU).

This name allowed me to find to find actual scientific research instead of some biased bullshit people have about psychopathy - and it was so good. The interesting thing about it is that it actually shows in infants.

In similar way to autistic traits.

So again, I started to research the links.

I wanted to know hypothetically - what If those came from the same neurodivergence but psychopathy was a result of bad handling of those autistic traits? (far reaching, I know, but I wanted to know)

And then it turned out that NO. That those are very different! The difference most visible in different empathy responses.

I explored one of the differences in my last comic.

In which before Quartz leaves the planet for the first time - they want to actually confirm their suspicions.

A thought provoking moment for Riebeck, after which (and just the way Quartz cuts themself off) they start to wonder whether just spending a lot of time with someone is enough to make you friends.

Even more jarring of a thought - to spend most of your life with someone and for it to not mean anything to them at all.

All those things combined, current Riebeck is mostly unnerved by Quartz.

[jbaileyfansite]

The Wall Street Journal Interview (2024)

The 36-year-old English actor Jonathan Bailey is one of Hollywood’s newest heartthrobs. From Shonda Rhimes's Regency-era courtship dramas of “Bridgerton” to the decades-long romantic-political saga of “Fellow Travelers” to the Met Gala red carpet, he has earned admirers with his goofy charm and deep looks of longing.“

Being acknowledged as a heartthrob is incredibly flattering,” Bailey said. “It’s a big compliment, not just to you as an actor but everything around you.”

It has been a life-changing few years for Bailey, a stage actor turned screen darling. After “Bridgerton” launched him to global fame, he wrote up a document with tips to help prepare his younger castmates for the attention their on-screen romances would earn. “I think it’s about how to approach the work in a way that allows you to feel yourself and grounded,” he said.

Bailey, who’s been acting since he was a child in the Royal Shakespeare Company, reprises the role of Anthony in the third season of “Bridgerton” this month. Later this year, he’ll appear as Fiyero in the film adaptation of “Wicked” with Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo. He lives outside of London. Here, he talks about his favorite tea, doing gymnastics and the advice he got from Sir Ian McKellen.

What time do you get up on Mondays, and what’s the first thing you do after waking up?

I try to get up between 7 and 8. Then I try to not look at my phone, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t. If it’s a good day, I drink loads of water, have a bath and then just get out because I need to get outside. I’ll go for a walk, always with my headphones. If I feel a bit excited or my brain’s sort of alive, I’ll listen to a podcast because that keeps me quite calm. If not, I’ll listen to some drums and bass. 

How do you like your coffee? 

I love tea. Earl Grey tea for me. I love coffee as well.

What do you do for exercise?

I’m currently training for a half marathon. Then I do gymnastics at a local gym with loads of lovely, brilliant people. I’m part of that community, which I’m very proud of. I do handstands.

How long can you hold a handstand for?

I’ve gotten up to a minute. 

Do you meditate or journal or otherwise practice mindfulness?

Walking outside is meditation to me. There was a Buddhist center I loved when I was living in London, and I’d go there regularly to learn the practice of meditation. I believe in taking bits and bobs that work for you. I do write stuff down in a book that I carry with me, lessen the load in the brain when I can. 

Do you have any hobbies or habits that might surprise your fans? 

Probably playing loud music and dancing around naked. 

“Fellow Travelers” follows your character, Tim, as he falls for Matt Bomer’s Hawk over the course of several decades, from 1950s McCarthyism to the AIDS crisis in the 1980s. How did you get into character? 

With Tim, I felt like there was so much understanding that was in my bones already just from being me. Understanding the character who you’re playing opposite is also really good. Me and Matt, we didn’t really talk about it but we had that understanding of the experience of what these queer, gay people were experiencing.

Beyond that, I think about my forefathers and what an incredible opportunity it was to an academic, hands-on research of gay life in America. As a Brit, there was so much to learn, so the preparation was kind of nerdy in that respect. In another, it was incredibly emotional and spiritual. 

You’ve become very famous for the looks of longing that you’ve perfected. Do you practice them in the mirror?

No, unfortunately, I probably practiced them in real life all the way through my childhood. It’s funny, isn’t it? I can totally understand why people say that, but I think maybe what fascinates me most about humans is there’s always a distance between what you want and what you have and who you are and who you want to be. I mean, if I’m still longing and 92 years old, then I’m going to be very happy. 

How did you prepare to model swimwear for Orlebar Brown? Was there any part of you that was nervous? 

I had been doing gymnastics, so the swimsuit-model aspect of it required a couple of weeks of doing more handstandy stuff. But no, I was excited. 

There were some cute photos of you and Ariana Grande released from the set of “Wicked.” Do you have any favorite memories from filming? 

I went to CinemaCon and it was the launch of all of us together. I watched the trailer for the first time, I’m so glad I waited to see it in the big cinema. I just watched Cynthia [Erivo] and I was, like, God, Cynthia’s just going to blow everyone’s mind. You care so much about her in it. And Ari redefines Glinda in a really fun way, it just expands. 

There’s so much love for the original material. It was really fun and silly and great. Jon M. Chu [the director] just mines the emotion and is quite sincere about the truth of what’s going on with the characters.

What’s your most prized possession?

My headphones. If I lose them, I feel crazy. But also in 2017—I saved up and it felt incredibly frivolous—I started collecting the Yves Saint Laurent love prints, the original prints of the years that my sisters were born because there are four of us. Annoying actually, one of my sisters was born in 1982, and I don’t think there is a print for that year, so I might have to do a stickman or something. 

What’s one piece of advice you’ve gotten that’s guided you? 

Always do theater. That was actually from Ian McKellen. It’s in my bones anyway.

Source

[drdemonprince]

also a good-faith question: what do i tell some of my friends who are terrified of the collapse of the current system for like, survival reasons? like in ways that mutual aid and community support can't really help.

i was trying to explain all this stuff to my friend the other day who is on government support and needs a lot of intensive, expensive medical intervention to live, and she accused me of being willing to sacrifice disabled people for the sake of ideological purity but like, i wasn't saying she doesn't deserve to live, but that she doesn't deserve to live more than palestinians do? and that she also doesn't deserve to specifically live on stolen land. and like, there are palestinians who also could really use those medical treatments that she has the privilege of accessing, why does she deserve them more?

she said she can't afford to not care about the election results because if anything happens to the aca or medicaid, or if anything happens to the medical supply chains, then she's fucked. like, yeah, but same goes for all these people our country is oppressing??

i feel like i just didn't explain this well and i want to give her some other stuff to read.

Great question! I think when people believe that all social care systems will collapse without the government, they are buying into a very colonialist idea that human beings are at their most basic level selfish and irresponsible and won't care for their communities. This is not the case! Thousands of years of human history prove this not to be the case, and so do the behaviors of humans right now during moments of crisis.

Look to the people of Gaza -- they are not leaving their disabled behind. People are sacrificing all that they have to care for their elderly relatives, neighbors, and friends. The only reason that disabled people in Gaza are dying is because the region is being deliberately deprived of resources by Israel. If aid were let in and the Palestinian people were free, they would feed their hungry, treat their sick, supply insulin, teach children, and perform everything that we currently in the US rely upon the government to supply.

Another example of this can be found in how humans respond to natural disasters. Rebecca Solnit's book A Paradise Built in Hell is a beautiful read on this, following numerous real-life disasters across the globe. In every case, people did not riot and pillage or dissolve into violence--- they formed stable encampments, doctors and pharmacists worked their jobs without pay, cooks made food without expecting a wage, everyone pooled their resources and looked after one another.

We also see examples of this when other governments have fallen -- and all governments eventually do! When a nation-state ends, life doesn't end. People keep going to work to make the medicine and put on the leg casts and wash physically disabled people's bodies and make the food. People WANT to feel useful, helpful, included, and looked after, and they will do these things without being forced to by an authoritarian power structure. We see this in the campus encampments and the incredible outpouring of generosity they are experiencing too.

It is quite common for a person to mistakenly believe that the government is all that is keeping our social order working, and that we are all just one moment away from violent chaos and deprivation without it. But that really isn't true. Even without the government, we will still have the *people* who understand how food production and logistics work, the *people* who research and test the drugs, the *people* who watch the children and nurse the elders and fix the roads and butcher chickens.

Without the alienating, exploitative economic structure we currently have, it would actually be EASIER and more efficient for us to take care of one another with these skills, because our time wouldnt be wasted on bullshit jobs that don't contribute to society.

There are lots of great readings about all of this on the Anarchist Library, but I recommend starting with David Graeber's books! Bullshit Jobs, then Debt the first 5000 Years, then Utopia of Rules, then Dawn of Everything. Bullshit Jobs is the easiest read.

[zaine-m]

what if instead of dying at the end Jayce and Viktor were reborn into the same world as babies and Vi and Caitlyn raised baby Jayce (with Ximena's help but she's getting older and is over the raising kids stage of life) and Viktor was raised by Ekko and the firelights.

They'd have playdates where Viktor could show off all the cool stuff the firelights are making and play on the hoverboards.

Viktor could get actual healthcare and not develop a terminal illness at 30 + hopefully having less chronic pain from being taught how to use mobility aids correctly

But he still has a lot of the same repressed feelings of inferiority that he can't really explain

Caitlyn still mourning Jayce and lil' Jayce comes up to her, asking her what she's sad about, "I just miss an old friend" "oh I'm sorry, but the good thing is you can always make new friends, like me :D"

Vi totally taking on the role of irresponsible father whenever they're left alone together

*them walking back from dinner* Jayce: "look an ice cream shop!"

Caitlyn: "No, we just ate and we have-"

Vi: "ICE CREAM!"

Cait: "Vi, no, we have food at home"

Vi: "oh look at all the flavours they have"

Jayce: "pleaseeee"

Cait: "No, both of you" *dragging them both by their wrists*

Both Viktor and Jayce get occasional dreams/nightmares about their old lives but they all decide it's better to wait till they're older to tell them what happened

There's a lot of Jayce waking up in the middle of the night screaming and Viktor showing up at Ekko's bed in the middle of the night saying he had a bad dream

Jayce sees Ximena as a grandmother figure and she's really sad to die without seeing him fully grow up but also glad that he didn't die before her

Jayce also can't understand why Caitlyn's dad fucking hates him

Tobias tries not to hold everything that happened against the kid but it's hard. He's still Jayce who decided to experiment with dangerous materials that almost blew up his daughter and killed his wife

Viktor loves growing up with the firelights

Ekko takes him under his wing to teach him a bunch about science and inventing

together they build a modified hoverboard so Viktor can ride it easier (it looks pretty similar but is made to be sat on side saddle style)

Viktor does a lot of research on how to treat various illnesses that show up in the firelights and some work on making undercity more accessible

When he gets to age 15 he starts thinking more about his dreams

He doesn't connect the end of the world dreams to his commune dreams because he also has a lot of random nightmares so he believes these are prophetic visions of what a better world could look like

Eventually after a lot of planning he shows Ekko his designs and Ekko just stares back in shock before deciding it's time to tell Viktor the truth

Ekko confiscates all his research while telling Viktor that he believes he's a good kid who just wants to help people but that this path is dangerous

Viktor is reasonably really thrown off and immediately goes to topside to talk to Jayce about it

Ekko gets into a bit of an argument with Cait and Vi because they hadn't been planning on telling him yet but Ekko really didn't have a choice

They tell them all about Hextech and go to their old lab along with Jayce's first lab

it's a pretty weird thing to find out that you had a full life before your current one and that you bonded incredibly deeply with someone whose only been a casual friend so far

They still don't fully understand a lot and only have bits and pieces of their old lives from dreams they've happened to remember

When they're 18 they decide to get a dorm together and study at the academy

They both keep dreams journals that they'll occasionally go over together

they become incredibly close, it feels like they've been working together their entire lives

one night they both dreams of their final scene together, holding the first hexcrystal as the world collapses around them and they wake up, looking into each others eyes and Jayce says "I remember"

Viktor gets up from his bed and stops Jayce as he reaches out for his dreams journal, he hold his hand and looks deep into his eyes until Jayce pulls lightly on his hand, inviting him into bed

Jayce pulls the blankets around Viktor and cradles his body just like he did in his dream. "You're perfect"

"you... loved me," Viktor responds

[dogandbooks]

Why Tumblr should love Kamala Harris

Based on things from her memoir The Truths We Hold

I am currently reading Kamala's book (which is excellent, by the way) and I feel like some people would appreciate her so much more if they knew this stuff.

Her parents literally met as part of the civil rights movement in the 1960s

She was brought to protests as a toddler, in a stroller, and her mom once had to run for safety while pushing her after counter-protest violence broke out

The first protest she organised herself was when she was still a child, to be permitted to play soccer in front of her apartment building. She won

She spent her weekends while at Howard University protesting apartheid in South Africa

She chose to become a prosecutor and then a district attorney and attorney general, and then politics, because of all the things she had protested and been an activist for - because someone on the inside needs to be there to meet the outside pressure and make the changes happen: 'When activists came marching and banging on the doors, I wanted to be on the other side to let them in.'

In her first campaign she would meet voters by standing outside grocery stores using an ironing board as a portable standing desk, with her campaign sign duct taped to it

'The job of a progressive prosecutor is to look out for the overlooked, to speak up for those whose voices aren't being heard, to see and address the causes of crime, not just their consequences, and to shine a light on the inequality and unfairness that lead to injustice. It is to recogise that not everyone needs punishment, that what many need, quite plainly, is help.'

She changed the law so that people who paid to have sex with children could be charged with child sexual assault

She asked the question 'What if we gave people education, training and support instead of prison sentences?' and then created a programme to answer it with success by every single metric, including reducing reoffending from 50% to 10% and saving at least $40k per person per year of taxpayer money. And graduates of her programme got their records wiped to help them succeed long-term. It became a nationwide model programme.

She supports legalising pot - and also doing the research to understand its effects properly

'We also need to stop treating drug addiction like a public safety crisis instead of what it is: a public health crisis.'

'It's one thing to say black lives matter. But awareness and solidarity aren't enough. We need to accept hard truths about the systemic racism that has allowed this to happen. And we need to turn that understanding into policies and practices that can actually change it.'

She advocates for police reform to counter systemic racism and brutality

She acknowledges that intense pressure from outside opens up space on the inside for change- citing the example of the Black Lives Matter movement on making body cameras mandatory - 'the movement created an environment on the outside that helped give me the space to get it done on the inside. That's often how change happens. And I credit the movement for those reforms just as much as anyone else in my office, including me.'

This is just from the first two chapters. I'll add more as I keep reading.

@wilwheaton this feels like something your followers would enjoy?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my sister that I didn't find her instagram post funny and that I didn't want her to send me things like that again?

I (32f) have never had a good relationship with my sister (34f). We have gotten somewhat better over time, but we have always had a strained relationship. We are about as opposite as you can be. Social rights issues? No compromise. ACAB? Constant disagreements. Politics: best never mention them. TV Shows? No interest at all. Music? We cannot stand each other's music. We genuinely have nothing except our blood and the fact we were raised by the same people in common.

I am currently in the process of finishing my PhD and live on a different continent to her. We have been vaguely trying to talk and maintain a cordial friendship from afar.

For the past four months I had been preparing for a conference that I was organizing, leading, and moderating. It was a massive project that will be a huge part of my dissertation research, and it went very well. The day after the conference I had a long career planning discussion with some academic advisors, and spent about three hours talking in my second language with my own advisor. The combination of everything left me genuinely exhausted to the point that I woke up the day after it all still too tired to move.

After I woke up, I realized I had a text from her containing an instagram link - no comment, no notes, no context, just the link. I know I wasn't in a perfect headspace and still needed more sleep, but I clicked it because usually she just spam sends me instagram videos about random baby rearing things she finds funny. I don't find any of them amusing, but tolerate them because she seems to enjoy it. I usually just nod my head or offer a few responses to show I've seen it and move on.

But this video was different. This video was, as far as I can tell, an influencer attempt at selling an AI. It had a young woman walk into a classroom with the onscreen text describing how "my professor is the same age as us and she has her phd!" and when she was asked how she got it, the video shows how the "teacher" went onto Youtube, put Youtube videos into this AI which created an algorithm to summarize the video. It ends with the words "University is a joke in 2024".

I was....genuinely offended. After everything I had been through working on this conference and with years of thesis work, I was just hurt. I watched it a few times, trying to understand what it was even trying to say, and could come up with no good reason for why she would just send it to me. So I wrote back to her "idk how you even want me to respond."

She said she thought it was funny, and I asked her if she understood why I wouldn't find it funny. She wrote back "because you lack my sense of humor smh." I tried explaining why I was upset and reframed it in the context of her job. She doubled down that she thought it was funny, but that it was because she thought it was amusing anyone would think they could get any kind of degree like that.

I explained that AI is genuinely a problem in universities right now and that our students are using it to get through their classes and it's causing a lot of chaos with profs trying to crack down on it. Then I told her it felt like she sent me something just to annoy me.

The argument continued from there. I asked her not to send me stuff like that again, and she asked how she was supposed to know I would be triggered by an AI video, and that I was being oversensitive, and how it was my fault for always assuming that she is plotting to piss me off and that she can never show an interest in my life without me having a "feelings dumpfest" and calling her out for being a bully.

I don't understand how she could think sending a video to me saying "university is a joke in 2024" with no context at all would be taken as a joke in the first place. And I felt like if I didn't tell her I didn't like this kind of video and why it made me upset she would keep sending things like this to me I'd have to keep seeing and ignoring future posts.

AITA for telling her I didn't think it was funny and to stop?

Should I have just ignored it and gone back to sleep? (At this point that's what I felt like I should have done...)

What are these acronyms?

[vasito-de-leche]

Hello!😄, I admire the way you write ✍️The way u never mischaracterized characters and the way you write them accurately is fascinating to read for ,and how you also took focus on small details about the character heck im starting to believe you work on the game R1999, if may I ask if you could write about Six from R1999 with a timid S/O or about a self-aware au of Six ? It had been my obsession of him after he came out and with his story making it more fascinating and made me attract towards him more

;R1999 6 - Self-Aware AU

Headcanons about how 6 would act upon becoming self-aware. Related to this Self-Aware AU post.

tysm for the kind words! I rlly like overthinking and overanalyzing stuff <3

I'll do the self-aware AU for this post to match the other one posted recently about 37, but feel free to send another ask if you'd still like 6 with a timid S/O!

There is a lot to be discussed about 6 and how all four characters of the 1.4 update contrast and complement each other so wonderfully, but I have a lot of trouble narrowing down what exactly I want to talk about here and what I should save for a proper analysis of the characters and the way I interpret them. So as usual, I ask that you guys bear with me with these trains of thoughts!

For starters, in my opinion, 6 is a very good narrative foil to 37.

Both focus on alienation and isolation from their respective communities, both are characters that struggle with the concept of fate, and both were born knowing their numbers--the key difference is the way each tackles this piece of information.

As discussed before in her own post, 37 does not question the reason why she's 37: like 210 says, "she stumbled upon fate at birth," and did not go through the same process of having to figure out one's number like the rest do. When it comes to 6, it's slightly different but the fundamentals are the same: he knows the number he will be assigned, and yet this revelation is not part of a natural process, it's something that us forced upon him and his family.

What I'm trying to say is that 37 and 6 weren't given the choice of discovering their soul numbers, and thus lack the most important part: the understanding of their own lives and selves. Compare this to 210, who became "too predictable" upon finding out his own soul number, or Sophia, who has clearly developed a very complex relationship with her own friends because of the inferiority and feelings of inadequacy she feels not knowing her own number.

And this is when the contrast between the two become clear: 37 is partially isolated from her community because she doesn't understand fate, nor the importance of one's journey, she doesn't respect the discovery of one's number. 6 is partially isolated from his community because no one else but him is able to see the concept of fate--or the Revelation--as a negative thing. His entire life, his entire bloodline is defined by fate and the Revelation, but only he understands the burden and the pain such knowledge entails.

Because only he has seen the way this Revelation takes over his loved ones, until they become strangers, mere vessels for infinite knowledge and bound to their role as perfect, eternal leaders. His character event shows the radical change in his aunt once she receives the Revelation and 6's fears of his entire self being rewritten once he receives it as well.

It's important to note that the moment Atticus becomes a proper 6 and receives the revelation happens on the very same day that everyone on the boat becomes a victim of the "Storm." Sophia's father and 37's mother were on that boat--but so was Alma, the current 6 at the time and Atticus' aunt. This event is crucial for all characters, as it cements their chosen paths: it's the study of the Emanation for 37, to continue her mother's research.

It's the day 6 will receive the Revelation and see if his efforts to prepare for it will amount to something.

And yet we know that 6 was able to withstand this Revelation without his entire self being washed away by the infinite amount of knowledge. We know this because we see him retain his hermit-like behaviour in the main story, avoiding people and preferring peace and quiet. We know this because, at the very end of this event, he says that the revelation is "just as simple as it is."

37 does not understand fate, but she doesn't fight it either because studying it won't change the fact that her soul number is 37. 6 understands and once feared fate, and he fought to resist it because his entire life, his memories, his personality and essence were at risk. I also really love that small detail about how 1.4 focuses on Plato's allegory of the cave, with 37 and 6 being put on this pedestal as those who witnessed the truth and came back to save the others--and yet, these two characters needed people OUTSIDE of the island to help them with their respective journeys (37 with Vertin, and 6 with Sophia). It just clicks so right to me!

In the context of a Self-Aware AU, I like to think that the self-awareness is something that comes with the Revelation. That every 6 before Atticus himself realized the truth of their world, similar to how 37 sees this self-awareness as yet another eternal truth. And because the number 6 is meant to represent harmony and perfection, they understand more than anyone that to ensure the peace in Apeiron, they cannot allow others to know the truth. Think of it as the whole deal with Pythagoras and irrational numbers--the discovery of irrational numbers ruined the whole system.

I think that a much younger 6 would've been distraught at this information, to know that Alma was the only person who was "real" and that he began to drift away from her because he couldn't recognize her anymore. But now, after receiving his Revelation and becoming the new leader, he might be more focused on appreciating life as it is. Why would he be bothered by knowing everything so far has been a script? He's already been haunted by fate his whole life, this is, in the end, the same thing. Of course, 6 is a philosopher in his own right, despite knowing pretty much everything there is to know, I think he would like to ponder about the more existential issues and topics that come with self-awareness.

I also like to think that his self-awareness and the Revelation come with knowing how the story will develop, at least in relation to Apeiron. He knows of Vertin's arrival, he knows of Arcana's schemes, he knows that by the end, Apeiron will be revealed to the human world. 6 believes it's impossible to change the course this game and its story, and the best thing he can do is help everyone prepare for it--I like to think that's why he specifically sent 37 to greet Vertin and the rest!

When it comes to finding out about the Player, I already said in 37's post that it would be very nice if she could see the player, but not hear them. And to contrast that, I wanted 6 to hear the player, but not see them.

The Player's existence is the one thing that 6 cannot pinpoint nor rationalize. He listens so very attentively when you speak, and he quickly realizes that you are not part of this infinite stream of knowledge from his ancestors, you're ... Just a person. What are you trying to teach him, if that is even your goal?

At first, I can see him struggle with this strange presence interrupting his very much needed alone time, choosing to remain silent until you go away, but he would grow to find it comforting, similar to his friendship with Sophia when they were children. You are an outsider, you're not part of this little world he lives in--you can offer a refreshing and different perspective. Once he's used to this new change, perhaps he will speak again, either to ponder out loud about your existence or monologue about whatever might be occupying his mind. Unlike 37, he wouldn't tell a single soul of your existence, largely because he believes it's something unique to him, entirely unaware that there's someone out there behind the screen rooting for him.

[rowanraven08]

So I just need to fucking rant about my boys being stuck in the ‘puters. CAUSE MAN DO I HAVE THOUGHTS. Have probably said some of this before, but not all.

So I’m thoroughly convinced that they’ve been properly coded in, Sergey Ushanka style, and also based off that statement, there’s no doubt in my mind that it hurts for them. I know this is a different universe, but unless computer folks are a common thing here, why would the plot give them anything less than more trauma? But I’m actually kinda concerned about how they’ll be once/if they get out?? Like aside from the trauma of it even, Tessa Winters said you can’t code people in the way people really are, and I’m kinda worried that through the whole thing that they might be different, or have lost a little bit of themself, the way that if you put something through google translate to many times it comes out all messed up, mostly with the same meaning, but words have still changed.

Other than that even, how the hell is Jon gonna cope/currently coping with not being omniscient?? I imagine going from knowing almost everything to having to seek out the information yourself again would be a huge hurdle. Even if now he has the equivalent of what Elias could do, seeing out of any eye, but instead just seeing out of any camera, that would be so disorienting. Never mind the fact they’re in an alternate universe.

The whole thing just makes me so sad, they can’t communicate clearly, are clearly trying tooth and nail to help and to get the OIAR gang to understand, stuck in this nonexistence that is probably excruciating, and no one except probably Colin and Celia even knows they exist. (I’m operating under the assumption Celia knows what’s up, she’s a smart girl she knows this isn’t a coincidence) But Colin clearly fucking hates them, Sam is only just starting to realize the computers are listening, and Celia doesn’t actually seem to be trying to help them, the only thing we know about her research is that she was looking into alternate universes and time travel sort of stuff, and that now she’s looking into alchemy. My boys are SCREAMING to be heard and no one will listen.

Like what will they even do? Worst case scenario, they’re stuck like that forever. Best case scenario, they get out, and somehow manage to get home (unlikely in my opinion) only to be met with a world still rebuilding, where everyone hates them. Last scene in TMA? Literally Melanie, Georgie, and Basira talking about how it’s better off they can’t find Jon, and they’re right,

“I mean, I just don’t think people would exactly be understanding. You remember what happened when they found Simon Fairchild?”

“And he’s not just some powerless left-behind avatar, you know? We’re talking about ‘The Archivist’.”

People would absolutely kill Jon if he came back, and they knew who he was, and I think being able to fly under the radar isn’t an option seeing as he literally haunted people’s dreams for a while. Who’s to say he could even stay alive in a world without the fears? Death might finally catch up to him, the exhaustion, everything. I don’t think going back is an option for them.

Maybe for Celia, if it’s even possible. But I think at this point she’d be happier in Protocol universe than Archives. She couldn’t even remember her original name in late s5, and didn’t remember Martin, she seemed to have lost at least a good portion of her memory if not all. If that didn’t come back after the apocalypse, she has more actual connection to Protocol, the cult being her only real connection to Archives. Maybe she’s trying to get back just because of principle, she’s not considering if that’s really what she wants because it’s the clear next step. But I don’t think she’d be able to leave Jack behind. I don’t even think she really is his proper mother, I’m guessing she somehow took other Celia’s (Lynne’s) identity, and just took over caring for Jack. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him.

I really do hope Jon and Martin get out of the computer, it’ll be so hard for them to deal with everything, but maybe if they stayed in Protocol they could still build a life together.

Some other random stuff:

So I went through, and found (I think) all the times we hear the jmj. error.

Ep 3 we get an error, which actually starts working when Colin threatens it, and it starts up with a statement from our buddy Norris, and I actually find it kinda amusing to imagine Martin being scared into reading the statement by the frustrated IT guy.

We also get an error in ep 5, after Gwen asks about the German IT guy before Colin. Which a.) why is she asking about him, b.) if I’m right about the errors being an attempt at communication, why do they think the guy’s important? C.) I had thought before that the German bit of code could be Jonah or something since he may have known German? But pretty sure that was too speculative, it makes more sense for it to have just been the German IT guy. D.) he’s mentioned as having a bunch of tattoos, which so far has not meant good things.

Ep 17 which I talked about in a different post, where the error lasted long enough for Gwen and Alice to nearly talk about stuff, only starting up again once they end that bit of the conversation without actually talking about it

And then ofc in 19 when Alice won’t listen to Sam about the computers listening.

I don’t think I missed any, but I might have? So if anyone notices one I missed lemme know please

Also only just realized a few days ago that jmj. isn’t an ACTUAL error, I know Colin says ep 3 it doesn’t mean anything, but I had actually taken that as Colin just being frustrated, and hadn’t read into. Jmj doesn’t even fucking exist, my guess is that it stands for Jon Martin Jonah?

Also what’s everyone’s thoughts on Teddy? Because that man is getting kinda suspicious. Why does he keep showing up? He works into this somehow. Also why doesn’t he actually want to talk to Alice? She’s high energy and not very serious, but it sounds like the guy properly ghosted her, keeps lying about how they’ll hang out more, or how he’ll text her back, could just be him being a bit of a dick, or maybe she did something to kinda deserve it, but it’s could be he’s trying to keep her at a distance to keep her safe? Especially if he is already wrapped up in this crap.

[chaoticstarlightwonderland]

Spy x Family Naegiri + Izuru Kamukura AU

Kyoko Kirigiri as the spy suddenly tasked with making a family appear out of thin air. As a young girl, her father died in the early bombings and her mother, fearing for Kyoko’s safety, sent her on a train to her estranged grandfather. Said grandfather was the leader of an intelligence agency and from then on Kyoko was trained in all things related to spying. Even after her grandfather’s death she still continued with this career, believing that it was her duty to give other people a peaceful lifestyle that she will never be able to truly understand.

Makoto Naegi as the assassin who needed to swallow his moral quandaries to look after his sister. As he has gotten older he felt like he couldn’t leave because a lot of his targets were dangerous people. The current peace is so fragile, he wants to do everything he can so that more people can have hope for the future.

But who would their telepathic child be? I know Shuichi is often depicted as a naegiri baby but I don’t think he is chaotic enough to get into the same shenanigans that Anya does. What character would purposefully cause so much chaos for their own amusement?

Izuru (Kamukura) the young telepath who is desperate for anything to escape the eternal boredom. Everyone’s thoughts are so predictable. Even going to the outside world quickly become boring for the young boy.

Izuru is definitely smarter than Anya in canon, but not as smart as he is in DR. He is good at the sciences, the technical stuff and the hard rules the language and arts, but he is so apathetic that he struggles with emotional nuances in all these subjects. Perhaps the reason why scientists thought he was a failure is because Izuru didn’t care enough about what people thought and the results of the tests.

Whether he escaped or was kicked out, Izuru survives using his telepathy. He decides to use a different name to cover his tracks, calling himself “Hajime” when other people ask. Through all this, nothing reduces his boredom and he never tries to bond with anyone. He gets adopted for his intelligence and kicked out for his creepiness 4 times.

Then one day Kyoko arrives at his orphanage, and Izuru reads the most interesting mind he has ever encountered, the mind of a spy. Surely if there are any people in the world that could keep Izuru entertained, it would be the thrilling, dangerous life of a secret agent. Izuru also supposed they have something in common since Izuru created the “Hajime” identity.

The two have a different bond than Loid and Anya initially. Kyoko and Izuru initially find a decent rapport due to their naturally stoic and analytical personalities. Their first roadblock is when Kyoko has to get Izuru to do something he is not interested in (Such as studying subjects he is not interested in or befriending kids/targets). Kyoko realises the two haven’t actually been acting like parent and child before then. Kyoko buys parenting books for research and realises that Izuru’s behaviour may be a trauma response for his past. Izuru experiences an unknown emotion having an adult not throw him out when he’s being difficult. Also, Kyoko understands Izuru more than other cuz she herself can be very detached to individual problems. For Kyoko it’s due to her upbringing and because she is usually busy focusing on the bigger national issues.

In comes Makoto who takes Yor’s role as the “emotionally intelligent parent” in the family. Izuru immediately wants this harmless-looking deadly assassin under his roof, and tries to set the two adults up. Unlike Anya who sings about she wants a mama, Izuru is probably like “Hello, my mother is a single woman who is considered attractive by many people. How would you like to snatch her up before the rest of the competition.” Complete deadpan 5 year old here. Makoto and Kyoko are very shocked, but they do end up talking and eventually settle into the arrangement they do in canon.

Here Makoto acts as a stronger emotional glue to Kyoko and Izuru as the two are too stoic to develop a proper bond on their own. Makoto is also very caring towards Izuru and tries to be supportive when he knows that Izuru struggles with emotions. Both with his own or other people. Izuru is a soo a bit shocked by this because before he was always demonised for supposedly having no emotions but Makoto accepts Izuru just the way he is. I think Izuru quickly becomes attached even if the boy can’t explain why, and Makoto is happy to have such a cute stepson.

As for how Makoto covers his assassin skill, unlike Yor with clumsy lies, Makoto has a “talent” for disguising attacks and assassin skills as dumb luck- sometimes good sometimes bad. You know that martial art that is based on the fighter being drunk during? Well Makoto is similar except it’s not drunkenness but clumsiness that Makoto uses. Partly out of practice to disguise his skills, and partly due to Makoto-brand luck, it often looks like he slipped and accidentally hit someone so hard they passed out. Or he slipped, tumbled down a hill and landed on the bad guy. Kyoko never gets suspicious because Makoto’s klutziness is so extreme it can’t be faked. Surely.

Like the original all 3 grow to become a family, even if they don’t realise it for a long while. Perhaps the character who ends up with the most change by the end is Izuru turned Hajime.

I see Izuru’s character progression in this AU like this:

In danganronpa, a boy named Hajime turns into lab creation Izuru Kamukura.

In this world, a lab creation called Izuru becomes a boy named Hajime.

[yelenasdiary]

Read this or don't, that's completely fine. I was going to explain everything in a reply to an ask that I was sent but an anon that has nothing to do with this, they are lovely! I just think a post on its own is more appropriate.

Below the cut I warn you that topics like, Sexual Assault, Physical & Mental abuse are spoken about. Please do not bother to read this if you're not comfortable. I literally do not expect anybody to read this, I am simply posting this because of how I am feeling towards the asks I received before I went to bed last night.

I just want to say that I've been open about certain things in my life on here and that is simply because I want my blog to welcome everybody (within reason). I want those who unfortunately have been through similar stuff to feel seen, heard and know you are loved! I want those who feel alone to know that you're never alone, I am here for you, my blog is here for you.

This isn't the first time I have received asks about my sexual experiences. A month or two ago I received a spam of asks that I never answered because of how disturbing and outright disgusting they were. Now, after last night, I feel that I need post this. I am not asking for anything in return, I just want to make that clear. All I want is for people to understand the hurt I am currently feeling.

I've always been open on here about the fact that I am a virgin. It's nothing that I feel ashamed about, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I know there are plenty of people like myself who are also virgins. I wish there were more people who are open about being a virgin, if people can be so open about the fact they aren't a virgin, why can't we be open about the fact we are?

So when this anon asked if I was a virgin, I was honest and said yes. My mind was already racing with "oh god, what's next?" and I was just hoping whoever they are was jus being curious. But instead, I feel like they've made me ashamed of the fact I am a virgin, 25 and write smut.

TW; SA, Physical & Mental Abuse Mentioned -

A few of you would already know that unfortunately yes, I am a victim of sexual assault. I was a child and it was something that happened daily for a couple of years. Due to this, I have trauma, PTSD, depression and anxiety. I grew up with little knowledge on the basics of sex because of how triggering it was for me. I couldn't sit in on sexual education classes, I couldn't joke around about penis's with my friends let along look at one. For so long, I genuinely believed what happened to me was normal. I was 12 when I realised it wasn't.

It took me years to even be okay with the topic of sex, to see it in movies or even think of it. My sexuality wasn't something I always questioned, I had a big crush on Bieber during my teen years and there were a few other male celebrities that I found rather attractive, it wasn't until I was 17 that I saw women in a different way and tbh, the feeling I got from thinking about myself in a relationship with a woman was a lot more comforting then it was to thinking of myself with a male.

Did my abuse make me bisexual? Maybe. I don't know. I don't really care. I like women a lot more than I like men, I feel more comfortable talking to women than I do men.

Did my abuse stop me from having 'normal' teenage experiences? Yes. I have never physically been with anybody, I have never kissed anybody nor have I ever been on a date. Is that sad? maybe to some, to me? No.

I have little to no trust in males. Given that my abuser also physically abused me for such little things and mentally, I don't know what it feels like to not have the thoughts I do about myself. This person has ruined so much of my life and has had control over what I do because of the trauma they caused me.

But all that aside for a moment, I am still a human. I am a woman who still feels things. I am learning every day of new things. I have done plenty of research for the things I felt I missed out on in school. I have a best friend who is so fucking patient and understanding with me that he will explain things to me if needed.

Writing & reading smut over the last year has been really good for me. I don't mean that in a weird way, I mean that in a way it has helped me explore things I didn't know were a thing, it has helped me grow more comfortable with sex and that sex is a normal thing. Don't worry, I know what is written in smut is purely fiction, I know what happens in porn isn't real. I am not stupid.

But I can't sit here and say that smut has been really helpful. Some of you might not understand that and that's okay. But I have come a long way with being comfortable and finally feeling like I can be open about things I enjoy.

Back to this anon.

Yes, I am 25 and never had sex. I have never voluntarily sucked a guy off. i have never voluntarily slept with a male, touched a male or seen a males body. Why any of that is important to you makes no sense to me. You have brought back things that I wish to not think about. You have made me feel triggered and as though I shouldn't be writing such topics because of my lack of experience. You had no consideration whats so ever and I believe found it rather funny.

I am feeling so many feelings and having thoughts that I wish to express but I know you'll most likely see it has a sob story and make matters worse. What I do hope though is that if you have read this that you understand that your words and actions hurt. I am not weak for telling you this, I am not weak for not having any sexual experience, I am not weak for asking you to understand that your thoughtless actions were not called for.

I do not need to have sex to know what I am doing. I do not need to have sex with a cis male to know how to write about dicks. I do not need you to make me feel ashamed of this either.

This is already such a long post and I don't even expect anybody to still be reading this but if you are, please, please remember to always be kind! spread love, support and happiness. You honest have no idea what your words and actions can do to somebody. Be aware and be considerate, you would never want your closest friends to feel that way I am currently feeling.

I am sending love to everybody, if you ever need a friend to talk too my DMS//asks are always open. I will listen and be whoever it is you need 💜

[dagdasgoddess]

Many Updates, Where To Begin?

It's been ages, so happy new year to start. I felt like posting this on my blog to let you all know I've been well.

So I felt like I had to make this post because I've been taking a spiritual class on how to hone my abilities more and.. apparently I'm a Draconian Star Seed.

Recently I enrolled in a reiki class and the Guru aligned my chakras and helped me cut cords to all my current and past ties. It was... very much needed.

Because I met someone, who told me I am in fact, a Draconian Star Seed.

And with my recent on -going diagnosis I won't mention here ---

It suddenly makes sense.

My spiritual experiences

My past life astral projections.

My learning disabilities, reptiles aren't exactly good at math XP

The fact that I NEVER could get along with or understand humans. I always felt a deeper connection to the 2D realms, cartoons, beings of ink and paint.. but I had no idea my destiny was something MUCH deeper.

It all makes sense, the reason I can't do "normal" human things like getting a PhD by I'm 12, is because I'M NOT human. I'm SOMETHING BETTER.

I began to do research on star seeds.. And it makes sense. I found out I am a Draconian because

I have no empathy whatsoever, I'm more self serving and that's okay

I've been told many times that I am 'intense' and fight to get what I want, and I'm relentless when I'm angry

I've always had a connection to the "wishing star" aka the North Star

In real life, on my father's side. There are many military people. Draconians are said to be militaristic.

I have green eyes for crying out loud, I've been told my eyes change color from green to yellow.

I'm not good at healing (When we were learning how to heal, I simply could not do it, and my Guru just smiled and said "there's room for all kinds here"

I honestly don't know why I came to earth? I don't know what resources I could possibly need here-- OH WAIT! GEMSTONES! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

My connection with Dagda

Dagda is very much green themed but he opened a portal for me, that I was ready to activate my star seed powers, and I proved it to him.

I feel like he was the "gateway" to this stuff . Dagda always taught me to look beyond what I saw, and stand up for myself. And Challenge myself.

I enjoy physical activities, even if I'm chronically ill

Growing up, I always loved stars, wishing on stars... I wonder if that's why I loved Cinderella so much, because we wish on stars.

And.. my very first love , Steven Stone: I love collecting gems, he does too, I wonder if he's also a star seed. He's from Ruby Sapphire and Emerald. And.. who's the mythical there? Yep. Jirachi. a star.

It all makes sense now. I'm both hurt, angry and .. so happy I learned who I truly am.

I asked how come that I'm not really interested in dragons? I prefer unicorns, etc. But you seldom get to choose in these matters, and I refuse to question this.

I'm still 2Devoted, that's not changing anytime. But it delights me that other starseeds like myself have been through what I did. I can get through life now. I feel like a part of me has been put to rest.

That "yearning" of wanting to be somewhere else, it makes sense now. My God. It all makes sense now.

I have done a lot of research, and this is my last reincarnation, after I leave earth I won't ever have to come back again. This makes me so happy! Thank you Dagda, and thank you person who told me I am a star seed <3

[herrscherofmagic]

Maybe it's just me, but the parallels between Dr. MEI and Ruan Mei are getting to be quite concerning at this point...

so I decided to write up an essay talking about Dr. MEI and making some comparisons between her and Dr. MEI!

There are some spoilers for the new Myriad Celestia trailer featuring Ruan Mei, as well as some spoilers for some basic HI3rd Previous Era backstory, and especially spoilers for Chapter 31 EX of HI3rd.

TL;DR:

Dr. MEI and Ruan Mei both have similar origins in their interest for biology and understanding life, but it also seems that just like Dr. MEI, Ruan Mei seem to have shifted her interest towards understanding fundamental principles of the universe. In that sense, the two of them are both geniuses whose ambitions seem to include challenging the very idea of the "divine" itself.

...

Life is so colorful, but... it has nothing to do with me.

-Ruan Mei, Myriad Celestia trailer "Transcendent Ruan Tunes, Blushing Mei Blooms"

First off, I just want to be clear that I'm not going to be talking about whether or not Ruan Mei is a "Dr. MEI expy" or anything like that. I'm not trying to equate the two, but talk about their thematic/story parallels, because even if they were from different franchises, or Ruan Mei's name was totally different (heck even if her name was "John Smith" or something like that), I'd still make this post.

With that aside, there's the obvious similarity in that both are scientists, in particular both are associated with biology to an extent. The myriad trailer shows Ruan Mei being interested in biology when she was younger, and Dr. MEI also started off studying genetics and medicine.

But what interests me is that it seems like Ruan Mei is going down a similar path that Dr. MEI did, where she began curious about life and the cosmos but eventually grew to have different ambitions... including ambitions of what amounts to essentially challenging the divine.

There will be some Honkai Impact 3rd spoilers, including spoilers on the topic of Project Stigma, but I won't discuss specific events as they relate to the protagonists nor will I be covering any major story beats. Most of this will be backstory stuff, with there only being one particular spoiler towards the end regarding the true nature of Project Stigma. So consider this a blanket "spoiler warning" for the whole post, because a lot of the stuff I'll describe isn't so much specific moments in the story nor plot twists, but a lot of general background that can't really be easily blocked off into sections of spoiler-tagged content.

Slightly longer TL;DR:

Dr. MEI's character is that she's basically the Previous Era's version of the Current Era's "Raiden Mei". Similar appearance, and the name is a bit similar as well although there is a difference in the Chinese pronunciation, with Mei being "Yayi" (Chinese reading of her Japanese name, Mei) while Dr. MEI is pronounced just as "Mei". That's why MEI is spelled with all-caps in the English localization, since the difference is obvious in both pronunciation and text in Chinese but completely nonexistent in English.

Dr. MEI was a scientist and became involved with a lot of incredibly important projects in the organization Fire MOTH, but while most people pretty much adored her... she was also a very questionable figure which easily could've been one of Humanity's greatest threats if it weren't for the more pressing threat of Honkai.

The biggest parallels I see between her and Ruan Mei are the way that both of them seem to have their roots in biology, but just as the Myriad Celestia trailer hints at Ruan Mei having bigger ambitions, so too did Dr. MEI move on from a focus on biology and genetics, expanding her research to cover phenomena in physics but especially research on Honkai.

In particular, while the Myriad Celestia trailer hints that Ruan Mei may wish to become an Aeon, Dr. MEI's most ambitious project had the goal of uniting all of humanity into a singular dream, a process that would effectively destroy any sense of individuality and turn the collective human civilization of Earth into a being of pure Imaginary/Honkai energy and thought. Whilst this entity might not have been quite as powerful or universal in scale as an Aeon, relative to the scope of Dr. MEI's research (Dr. MEI being isolated to Earth, vs. Ruan Mei who can travel between worlds courtesy of the Star Rail) I think it's a fair comparison with Ruan Mei's apparent goal. If Dr. MEI were in Ruan Mei's place, I think it's very plausible she'd continue to walk down the same path. This doesn't mean that Ruan Mei will do everything that Dr. MEI did, far from it; but I do imagine there are going to be some serious parallels in what they seek to achieve and the extent to which they're willing to do questionable things to achieve it.

Now that the 4-paragraph TL;DR is done, it's time for the rest of the post; because anyone who's read one of my Honkai/Genshin essays before should know by now that I'm very much a "0 or 100" writer with no inbetween, and this is definitely the latter, lol

Also apologies for the various long texts I'm citing here; unfortunately we don't have a pretty animation with cool music to give us an overview of Dr. MEI, so I'm gonna have to go the old-school route of poring over text-based archive entries and manga pages, since that's most of what we have >.>

My goal is to provide background on Dr. MEI, as well as her relation to Dr. Mobius. The two of them are very alike and yet very different in important ways, and I think the parallels between those two as well as the potential parallels between Dr. MEI and Ruan Mei can tell us a lot about what Ruan Mei could be capable of, and just how far her ambitions may stretch. After all the background on those two HI3rd doctors, I'll describe their relation to "Project Stigma", which should serve as a good transition to talking about Ruan Mei's apparent goal of "becoming an Aeon", or something along those lines.

Kevin and MEI

MEI was a human just like anyone else; she went to high school, she was a smart student, had some friends, etc. She was particularly passionate about science, often talking about the stars or physics, though biology was the interest that she seemed to follow most closely. In particular there was a scientist by the name of Dr. Mobius who she idolized, and was fortunate enough to meet at a convention.

Dr. Mobius was a leading geneticist who was famous for various groundbreaking discoveries, so naturally MEI was shocked when Mobius met her and showed interest in her, even having read one of MEI's papers. Some time after their brief and curious exchange, MEI would be invited to become part of an organization by the name of Fire MOTH, and it was at this time when she discovered the true nature of Dr. Mobius' work, as well as the existence of Honkai.

Dr. Mobius was famous for her academic research on the global stage, but within the organization of Fire MOTH she was rather infamous. She had seemingly no boundaries and she was often perceived as being unethical or immoral. Mobius was far from sociable, and despite her important contributions to Fire MOTH there were certainly many people who would prefer if they never had to meet her. And of course, she was no stranger to disciplinary notices and threats from the higher-ups. Someone too valuable to dispose of, but too "dangerous" to leave to her own devices. It was this Dr. Mobius that took in MEI and worked as her superior.

One of Dr. Mobius' most notable projects was Project Stigma. The very first version of Project Stigma was initiated by her, and MEI was chosen as one of her assistants. The goal of the Project was to experiment with "stigmata", genetic modifications to humans which can grant them the power to wield Honkai energy. But if a person's body is unable to control that power, they become entirely corrupted and lose their sanity (so in comparison with HSR, kinda like being marastruck, but as a result of an experiment instead of mara). As you can imagine, this didn't exactly help Dr. Mobius' image.

At first it seems that Dr. Mobius is the suspicious one here. Mobius is cunning and deceptive, while MEI is a rather kind and timid person, so while people would fear Mobius most weren't afraid of MEI at all. But Mobius herself became suspicious of MEI, noticing things about MEI that others would look past; like MEI's focus on her work and seeming impartiality towards the condition of the test subject in the above excerpt. This wouldn't be the only time we see this sort of suspicion as well, with Mobius confronting Kevin about MEI at another time:

It's about time you drop the good guy act, Kevin. I'm well aware that I've crossed the line. But what about your dear MEI? Is she any different from me? Oh, there's a difference. She's far crueler and colder than me - because she only makes rational choices. ... Pure rationality... is the real monster. You know that, don't you?

To give an example of why someone like Mobius would be suspicious of Dr. MEI, there's an excerpt of a conversation I'd like to share. The same MEI was once an assistant to Dr. Mobius would eventually rise to become one of the leading authorities of Fire MOTH, and this was not by chance, as this conversation between "X" (left unnamed to avoid spoilers) and Sakura indicates:

X: If I remember correctly, you crossed paths with the MOTHs when you were on a mission to assassinate Dr. MEI. Sakura: Yes. I wasn't holding out on it - you should be able to tell I'm no good at figuring out internal power struggles. Neither was Dr. MEI. She was awake to the tragic coming of Honkai, but she was a scientist. X: So... she wanted to pay them back in the same way with your help? Sakura: No. Dr. MEI was an unmatched genius... she's never fought that kind of battle, yet she was thinking far ahead of others. Her goal was to use me to expand her internal influence. X: I know this is usually done by force, but if she's all alone... Sakura: She had more helpers, of course. My first mission was to rebuild the covert forces. She wanted the darkest powers of the MOTHs for her own. ...To rebuild through destruction. I was officially invited after completing this mission.

This is the part where spoilers begin; the following two dialogues are from Chapter 31 EX of HI3rd.

There's a lot more I could say about Dr. MEI, but for the sake of whatever brevity is left to achieve, I'd like to go back to talking about Project Stigma. I emphasize this not just because of its importance in the story but also how inextricably linked it is with Dr. MEI. Though it was Mobius who first proposed it, Dr. MEI is the one who transformed it into something incredibly complex and world-changing beyond even what Mobius had envisioned for it:

Mobius: Fine, bickering is a waste of time. It's rare for us to get together. So this is a good time to discuss this Project Stigma that's been revised fifteen times. Seriously, MEI... ...Which side are you on? "Vill-V": Huh? Isn't she standing next to me? Mobius: Vill-V. "Vill-V": Come on, that was a joke! I know your question is serious- -That's why we need to ease up on it more than ever! ... MEI: Mobius, I only stand with civilization. Mobius: Hmph, a cliché to shut those old farts up? I'd hate to stress something as stupid as "I'm your senior"... But now that we're touching this topic... Dr. MEI, you're obliged to explain what you want to achieve with this plan. MEI: ...I see. In your opinion, I'm obsessed with Project Stigma. Mobius: Listen to yourself! You've forced me to revise this plan fifteen times! Fifteen times! MEI: As the solution with the highest success rate, it deserves to be taken seriously. We can never have too many entry points in the future, either. Mobius: Oh, really? That popular Project Ember hasn't even been written into a one-page plan. MEI: You know the attributes of that plan dictate that we implement it more specially. Mobius: Perhaps. But how can I not suspect that the other projects are only a foil to Project Stigma when they are treated so differently? "Vill-V": Um. There's one thing I don't understand. Even if that's true... isn't it you who proposed Project Stigma, Mobius? Mobius: I didn't imagine someone would see it as our only hope. MEI: It does sound ridiculous to you. I completely understand that. After all, there are many ways to redefine humanity. But Dr. Mobius... Humanity is only the cornerstone of civilization. I don't think you'll deny that humans are essentially more intelligent survival machines. We aren't fundamentally different from plants, animals, or microbes. Mobius: Heh. To be more precise, our mortal bodies are but vessels that our genes built for ourselves. So what? Whether its genetics or samsara, everyone has the potential to defy the Creator. Civilization? Compared to the miracles created by specific humans, is that thing even important? "Vill-V": But objectively speaking... the vast majority of humans can realize their potential. It'd be arrogant to measure all humans by a special case such as yourself, Dr. Mobius... MEI: Dr. Mobius. As members of the MOTHs, you and I are ultimately responsible for the whole of civilization. In that sense, compared to the life of an individual, the truth brought forth by life is a more essential existence. "Vill-V": In other words... Vill-V's talent is more important than Vill-V's identity? Ah. You can say that. Mobius: That's you. I don't plan on making another Mobius to replace myself. MEI: ...That's not important. Think about the relationship between children and parents, Dr. Mobius. Regardless of whether the inner worlds of two generations collide, human civilization is continued by the next generation. Regardless of whether their parents like it.

So, what did this "Project Stigma" transform into? The short answer would be that it basically became a Hoyoverse version of NGE's Human Instrumentality Project. The complete unification of all souls within humanity, creating a new form of existence far beyond what civilization can accomplish in the physical realm alone.

On the Imaginary Tree, worlds are created from Imaginary energy, and all life emerges from these worlds. Different beings are capable of manipulating Imaginary energy in different ways, with the smallest example being the day-to-day interactions of humans with the physical world, a step up being the Pathstriders which gain traits or power by being aligned with a Path, while the most powerful beings would be Emanators and Aeons which can use vast amounts of power to cause change in the physical world. By unifying all the "dreams" of the people on a planet, this would effectively create an entirely new world that exists within Imaginary Space but which is not bound to a physical location.

If you gather all the dreams of humans, you'll get a giant resembling a planet. A desert sage named it Adam Ruhani- which means Spiritual Adam. Adam Ruhani is one of the gods, but it's extremely far away from the others... That distance is what mortals call time. It's the late eternity, and a rift that can't be crossed with logic. It can't die, think humanly, nor reproduce... It simply exists forever as the ladder leading to divine realm. ...That's the real aim of Project Stigma. Be it gory or psychedelic, physical or spiritual- they're only means, not ends. The plan is essentially a chain that ties people who can't help themselves together. We can let them go with the flow, or help them within our power. For them, joining this dream is being helped- in their dreams, they are Adams, they are gods. The real world will lose its meaning for them, while the eternal dream will become their only reality. They no longer think with time... Their dreams will be connected, which will create a true miracle that transcends finality.

This is obviously a TREMENDOUS leap from where Project Stigma began when Dr. Mobius first started experimenting with stigmata, and this is why I wanted to give the whole story about Dr. MEI's origins. Again, this is "only" on the scale of a single world. Dr. MEI was an unparalleled genius of her time, and her studies across genetics and physics allowed for the creation of what was essentially a plan to rewrite the very existence of humanity into something which can forever sustain civilization in a world threatened by the existence of Honkai.

This is why these parallels with Ruan Mei have me worried. I don't necessarily suspect that Ruan Mei will necessarily be evil, nor do I think she is going to somehow turn the entire population of the Imaginary Tree into sentient orange juice. But there are a lot of parallels between the Ruan Mei and Dr. MEI, and if Ruan Mei ends up even being remotely like Dr. MEI, that could make her a very dangerous person.

They both seem to have had a strong background in genetics and biology, with that being a major focus in Ruan Mei's design and in the Myriad Celestia trailer. But while a lot of people talk about Ruan Mei being a biologist, the trailer also hints that she has further ambitions- possibly at becoming an Aeon. It seems that Ruan Mei is moving beyond what one would achieve staying within the realm of Biology, and just like Dr. MEI, she seems to be focused on higher powers.

I think we're far from being able to determine what Ruan Mei's exact goal is so far, since "becoming an Aeon" is a pretty vague statement, but it still worries me greatly. The thought of Ruan Mei somehow becoming an Aeon isn't concerning by itself, but rather what actions she might take to achieve that goal.

I'm concerned about what the collateral damage would be, and to what extent she is willing to consider others a part of her "experiments" regardless of whether they want to participate or not. Especially because Dr. MEI was limited to what she could accomplish on Earth, while Ruan Mei appears to have access to far more resources and far more opportunities for research. As someone from the Luofu (afaik) she should also have a longer lifespan. Ruan Mei is in a good position to far exceed what Dr. MEI could accomplish... for better or for worse.

I would love to say more on this topic, but obviously we'll learn more about Ruan Mei once she releases, and throughout the story as it goes on. It took years for the full scale of Dr. MEI's plans to be revealed in HI3rd, and I don't doubt the same will be true for Ruan Mei. Perhaps Ruan Mei's ambitions will align neatly with those of the Astral Express and Stellaron Hunters, or perhaps they may become the greatest threat to sentient life across countless worlds, second only to even greater powers like Nanook. We might be forced to put an end to her experiments, or perhaps we might end up aiding her further- willingly or not.

Whatever happens, Ruan Mei is Ruan Mei and Dr. MEI is Dr. MEI. These are two different individuals of different origins and who live different lives, and the story of Ruan Mei is sure to diverge greatly from the story of Dr. MEI. The parallels between them are equally fascinating and worrying to me, but it just makes me look forward even more to Ruan Mei's role in the story.

At first I was rather dismissive of Ruan Mei, especially because I haven't even started the Swarm Disaster stuff yet. I'm sure there are details I'm missing from there, and while that usually would make me hesitant to write such a long post about her, the Myriad Celestia trailer seems clear enough with its foreshadowing (I say now, only to be proven wrong later...) that I wanted to write this up anyways. I'm definitely looking forward to Ruan Mei now, and I would love to revisit this comparison between the two later on as we learn more about her!

[kimyoonmiauthor]

My Personal gripes about poorly executed POV

BTW, mild PG-13 warnings. Discussion of consent, though not explicit and asking people to do research.

This isn't the long twitter battle of OMG, "you like to *only* read Third person novels, how dare you." and the whole, OMG, First person PoV is clearly superior and you should only use present tense with first person POV, and you should never ever use second person in a novel with a first person PoV. And "But OMG, past perfect is evil and stuff."

Leave me out of that fight. I read whatever I please when I please, and I don't mind those kind of tense issues or POV issues. I'm not that stiff of a person.

This is more theoretical parts of story when they aren't thought through an executed well and using switching POV as a crutch to avoid better writing.

It would be the equivalent of rewriting Lolita from the PoV of Delores every other chapter because you can't pull off an unreliable narrator.

So my personal masterclass of switching PoVs is Rashomon. Triple gold star—no, platinum star. OMG at every point you think you understand, you got this, you can 100% solve this mystery, and you keep going and going and then at the end, you realized you had this amazing journey and you don't got this, in fact to understand the breath of the story, you need to relive the story again. I melt under such thoughtful command of PoV. It really understands the characters, emotionality and delivers a final psychological punch that makes me melt in reader heaven.

The opposite end of the spectrum is where PoV is used as a crutch to reassure the reader, coddle them, talk down to them, or think that the reader "didn't get it" or basically cut the tension unintentionally because the writer can't be bothered to learn how to show the other PoV through the current PoV character.

Switching PoV because the author can't level up enough to use an unreliable narrator/situation to show how the other character feels.

He fumbled about on the mantle, not looking me in the eye. What could he want standing there, looking off in the distance? I had plans to attend to and he was being such a stiff.

"It's not that I have—" he stopped halfway though I had said absolutely nothing, made no movement.

His cheeks colored bright red.

"I have an appointment in two hours. I cannot be delayed," I said, trying to be released of this meeting.

I had to meet Miss Halifax at three or she would be out of town soon. She had the truth of my brother's sudden disappearance.

He glanced at me again, squared himself and pulled down on his waistcoat.

"I have come to know you very well over these last few days."

The man servant came in and bowed. "Carriage for you is ready."

"Out with it," I said.

"Later, it is not important," he said.

So you're telling me at this point, you have absolutely no idea what the non-PoV character wants to tell the PoV character? Truly? From body language, from what is not said, from what is indicated, even though the PoV character is oblivious and focused on other things.

So much so, that all of these hints dropped from the anatomy of a scene of this stock type, you have to switch the PoV and spoonfeed me what the other character is thinking so I don't feel disappointed? Oh, c'mon. Seriously? If you can't drop hints the PoV character cannot read well, because they are too "in" it, then you seriously need to level up.

Look, there are anatomy of basic scenes out there. A fighting scene needs built up tension with arguing, raised emotions, before there is the boil over.

Just like you can tell a non-PoV character is sad by cues like their lip trembling, blinking rapidly while looking in the sky/ceiling, their eyes averted, or their slow tone.

If you need the words in front of you, "This person was sad." then improve your reading skill.

A person can 100% observe something in real time, but still not be able to piece it together. This is why an unreliable narrator can be fun. The reader is screaming at them to get it, that it's quite clear that Dolores is not into you Humphrey Humphrey, she is too young. And for the narrating character to be too full of himself, too involved in what is happening to notice that the signs are all there.

What you should aim for in such a scene is that you've established all of the other scenes before it and the rising emotion peaking clearly through to such a point that it can't be anything else but that.

And Jane Austen was able to do that in Pride and Prejudice until it boiled over. You can do it too. You merely have to understand what the emotions and events are in order for the reader to suspect this is true.

Switching PoV at the point I left the characters is a crime. Let the reader speculate until they are in a tizzy.

It's the equivalent of going for say 20 pages out of 300, setting a whodunit, and laying all of the clues and then the detective accusing someone of doing it and then switching PoV for the character to think, I did it but I'm going to lie. I'm crying. Please. Please learn a little craft.

I assert the fun of romance is the the meetcute, discovery of those feelings in the first place, not knowing if the feelings are returned, the uncertainty, the denial of the feelings because one is not sure, but then the whole resignation to the feelings that one cannot resist and do anything about, then the declaration. A glorious emotional peak at last. Yes, send me the fluffies now. Give me that upward arc into the stratosphere. They belong together, they can overcome all of the oppositions sent their way. I have absolutely no reservations. I know they will be glued at the hip indefinitely. They work through all their problems, even their difficult ones by being effing adults, and voila, OMG, the ending is a HFN, HEA, or (because I'm the devil) an understandable break up because the problem section of being together was too great. (Useful for second leads of They weren't meant to be together.)

If you cut the climb up you do not get the glorious fluffies you promised and it's a flat oh, and you did that by switching PoV and making me irked because now I know, and it's all assured , but curse you upon your soul, you stole my fluffies and defeated the purpose of why I'm reading romance.

Likewise with mystery. There is a murder, who could have done it. Switch the the murderer, they tell you exactly how they've done it. Why are you going to read the rest of the book? it's not even a good howcatchthem because you promised a whodunit.

2. To repeat information already established with no new information added or new events because, ya know book profit, need to cash into the male PoV, or can't trust that reader.

Sorely irked by this. The same scene with no new information in the PoV, that does not advance the plot. I about strangle you when I realize you're basically rewriting the scene from chapter 1 into chapter 2 over again. Or book 1 is the same as book 2 but you were a shitty writer and don't trust your audience and couldn't figure out how to let the reader guess the other PoV. Bring in the cash machine.

Someone about here is going to say but people are autistic, etc. And I'm going to say most books in most countries has anatomies of scenes, emotions, characters and an order that one can analyze to get around those differences in PoV.

If I can kinda guess what a straight person feels like functioning day to day, without anyone flagging me, then I kinda think it's not that hard for other people to figure out those differences. NTs aren't that hard to figure out. (As a different kind of ND). It's fucking shoved in our faces all of the time and some of their illogical behavior is well documented... by literally autistic people.

Rework the scene please, so that the other PoV is stronger.

3. To justify event fuckery that was clearly a bad choice in the first place. (Especially around consent).

*Coughs about Japan* especially, but occasionally Korea, and probably China... but also about the English language authors.

That didn't look consensual/s/he/they didn't ask for consent and check in.

*PoV switch*

Welp it's "ok" now because other character "wanted" it even though they couldn't respond and it's not quite clear they wanted it now.

You see, creepy man climbing in via window is a-OK, because well, other character was OK with it after the fact or during the fact though they were confused and couldn't "resist." I'm about to kill you author and chuck your book out the window with a flaming brick.

~~Fix the event choice~~

This is clearly lazy writing. Go back, remap the emotionality, rework it so it's clear, then do a check in. Check ins can be verbal and nonverbal. Verbal check-in preferred. Verbal check-ins can be romantic if you think through them more and filter them through your characters.

you clearly knew it was a bad plot choice if you need to justify it after the fact with a PoV change.

Can I throw up yet? Consent is sexy. Consent is required. Check-ins make your characters sexier. (Also, for those who write BDSM, usually those sessions are highly, highly planned. Hinting at that would be helpful. Planning sessions can also lead to tension. The do you want, yes I want...but not knowing when can be top tier sexy if you play your author cards right.)

Waiting for consent without stalking can build tension.

The I know I spurned you last week, but I don't know where to turn to help me solve this problem... and then they work on it together, and through that friends become lovers and there is a reevaluation period is stock romance plot type (though emotionally a bit difficult to pull off). Plus you get my favorite part of the plot type, "I don't know if you still feel this way so I've kept it from you." tension because the original confessor might have moved on, or has seemed to resign themselves the relationship will never happen.