#but like i dont know how to explain that the conversations i have in my head with my fake therapist make me feel like i am faking it
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
maffhew who refuses to say runebergin torttu because he knows hes gonna butcher it so bad he might be kicked out of the country the second he tries and staunchly avoids that by going "the one dessert that barky is going to have to explain 😃"
sasha who gets faced with the most generic description of everything hes ever eaten in his life so far because of maffhew and going "???... oh you mean runebergin torttu!"
"he did good he liked the food and he likes the finland so far so its good" sasha says with so much pride now that all the anxiety has left his system that his husband teammate is enjoying his country and doesnt hate it
media availability | 10.29.24 (x)(x)
the smile of a man who knowlingly doomed his husband and said husband using all his brain power to context clues his way to whatever the fuck he just got asked that his brain is running hotter than a mid 2012 macbook air thats somehow still alive in the year of the lord 2024 but girl does she chug along shes louder than a fighter jet
#matthew tkachuk#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#2425#the famous vanha kauppahalli date™#we know how bad he is at pronouncing words not in english he does not want to fuck up his husbands language in front of him#(the nhl stars try to speak german video has entered the chat)#different attitudes here lmao#“he did good” mate he was... eating food... what... what is there to praise here..?#i shivered sweet mary and joseph sasha this is how you praise maffhew? yeah id be an annoying little shit about it too#whatever they have. unexplainable. i wont even bother#im glad to see pie and cake are still very confusing for esol#somehow ive had the conversation with several different people in my lifetime and realised even i dont know what the fuck it is#in the sense that when i translate pastries into english for my american friends i just pause and go#wait... i think this is a pie... but its called a tart in spanish but its also kind of a cake? and- [windows reboot sound]#ive had to do this with pastafrola and im like please just eat it dont make me explain im gonna cry if i do#I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS IN AN ENGLISH CONTEXT BECAUSE IT DOESNT EXIST IN AN ENGLISH CONTEXT TO ME JUST EAT IT#“so whats the difference between a torta and a tarta and isnt a tarta kinda like a pie-” “stop asking questions you dont want answers to”#you have no idea how upset i get trying to explain#im glad sasha at least protrays a little of that frustration by going “i dont know english word” girl SAME
215 notes
·
View notes
Note
thoughts on dave and aradia (<>)?
day 356
BIG fan tbh. in this house we love and respect timerails
truly yall read this log and tell me theyre not cute
#day 356#year 4#dave strider#aradia megido#aradave#homestuck#she really saw this kid and was like OH YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH YOUR MORTALITY?? :D#boy do i have some relevant life experience and wisdom to impart on THAT ISSUE SPECIFICALLY#and then she just. very gently and kindly makes the subject more approachable for ghostdave#the pesterlog i linked is literally my FAVORITE aradia moment. to me it is THE character defining moment for god tier aradia#yes she is being kind of ominous and trickstery at first#but it VERY quickly becomes clear shes got genuine concern for this kid she's had very little to do with up until this point#she really wants to connect with him over their shared time aspect stuff#and she really DOES care about how he feels about everything. she wants to help and she wants to put him at ease#because she KNOWS from experience that being dead and having to cope with what that means for you is like VERY UPSETTING AND TRAUMATIC#shes not just like. 'hee hee i think death is great and awesome because im edgy'#shes like 'no dude being dead is scary if you dont have anybody to explain this shit to you. so im going to explain it-'#'-and hopefully by the end of this conversation you will have some new things to feel relief and maybe even joy and excitement about'#'not just in spite of the death thing but BECAUSE of it'#i know shes spooky and has weirdgirl swag and we all love that about her but like#at her core she is a very KIND person. she may occasionally struggle to connect to people through the Death Special Interest Haze#but she WANTS to and when she DOES she is like. a genuinely very warm and comforting presence for her friends#ANYWAY. if andrew hussie or i guess james roach now want to give me an honorary doctorate for my 12+ years of intensive aradia studies#i will be here waiting patiently#timerails
376 notes
·
View notes
Text
idea. since askdusttale answered an ask about where dust got his determination from (because dust has SOME determination just so he can remember the timelines and keep going against the human) and said it was totally up to personal interpretation on how he got his determination. so so so like what if what if dusttale's player did something similar to something new's player and changed dust's code to give him determination??? so dust and killer COULD BOTH had their codes tampered with??? the parallels would be INSANE. they both started off as sans and got their codes tampered with by the player but dust and killer went on two opposite paths. dust out of his own voalition decided to go against the human but killer had to team up with the human no choice at all. the opposite parallels go CRAZY oh god im tweaking
killer doesn't know exactly (since i forgot whether or not he can see codes or something like that. i swear there was an image of him describing fell and swap's code and then his own) but he can SENSE that something's off. something's different about dust that he doesn't quite know about. maybe it gets him to ask a bunch of questions that dust is definitely not open to answering because jesus man mind your own damn business but the question that really sets killer off is the way dust answers when he asks "so if you have determination then how did you get it?" and dust just shrugs his shoulders and said that one day he suddenly remembered the resets and then that's when he got it (and then goes back to mumbling to phantom paps or wtvr) and killer's just like. zomg. a sudden change in behavior or mentality that seemingly has no apparent reason related to the human???? like like like when he suddenly had to agree with the player despite literally never wanting to????? killer is over thinking the implications behind this
meanwhile dust is just annoyed now because killer keeps on following him. he keeps asking him strange questions. wtf why is the guy asking to see his SOUL that's incredibly personal???? he just wants to be left alone man he has no idea what's going on
#this is what happens when i go on my weekly ask dusttale scroll through i come up with ideas like this#one day killer asks dust if he knows about the players and creators#dust says no. and the moment killer starts explaining it to him he backs off#because dust is actually fucking going crazy at what he just barely said#there are people above us that control our stories??? our LIVES???#so he wasn't fighting against some random human but a literal god who wanted to play with him out of curiosity???#dust is never going to forget that conversation. killer knows even that one sentence changed him#dust is really paranoid now when he sees a human. immediately kills them compared to before#yk what let's make this nightmare's gang related! nm notices dust's paranoia toward humans#mans is getting upset because he's killing precious negativity. so he asks killer#killer wtf happened to dust i told you to watch over him and horror (sadly i cant drag him into this hc)#and killer's like i might've told him about creators and players and now he's probably having a crisis over his free will and stuff#yeahhhh that dust gets replaced asap. it's better to leave aus unaware of creators in the DUST (haha)#and then promptly replaces him. killer keeps on eyeing the new dust like#is it a dusttale thing? is it all dusts? or was that the only one? maybe this one KNOWS?#but in the end he leaves him alone bc nm told him too. he's still overthinking those implications though#GOD THIS IS SUCH A COOL FUCKING IDEA#askdusttale i love having freedom to come up with ideas like this BLESS 🙏🙏🙏#listen if there were a real canon reason dust gets determination then i wouldn't have this idea#but dusttale's canon is so loose and just structural its GREAT!!!! i love it#and the fact that the dusttale fics dont even change much to the lore??? just explains dusts personality better#HOW MANY MORE PARALLELS CAN THE MTT HAVE BEFORE THEY EXPLODE I SWEAR#killer sans#dust sans#nightmare sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#utmv#sans au#tricule rant
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
ive never felt more rural than i have in the past few weeks since hanging out with a lad who has only ever lived in cities. what do you MEAN YOU'VE NEVER DONE A MORRIS DANCE
#he didn't even know what morris dancers WERE i said some shit like 'you know it's summer when the morris dancers come out'#and he was like 'the what now' I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY. HE'S FUCKING WITH ME SURELY#AND THIS HAPPENS SO OFTEN ABOUT THINGS I JUST ASSUMED WERE BASICS#'harvest festival 🤨' PARDON. YOU ARE JOKING#and also the CONCEPT of a village is baffling to him. i said there's probably about 100 people in my entire village#and we don't have a pub or a single shop the closest ones are in the NEXT village over which is a 3 mile walk#and this boy was HORRIFIED. we are both in a constant state of thinking the other is taking the piss#and now every time i think/do something abundantly rural im SO self-aware 😭#my mum told me the farmers are gonna do a xmas tractor run through our village this year#(they usually miss our village bc even by village standards it's tiny)#and she was like 'shame you'll miss it! i'll send you a video!' and im there already picturing this boy's face when i show it him#like sigh. yeah. yeah okay maybe the rural england is ingrained deeper than i feared. never escaping the allegations etc#had a conversation with him the other day that concluded with me 100% genuinely being like 'you need to touch grass'#i literally said 'i think it would fix you. like actually go and touch some grass what the fuck'#bc at this point he's so far removed from nature that it's INSANE TO ME. i didnt realise how much i took growing up rurally for granted#THESE PEOPLE DONT EVEN GET DRUNK IN FIELDS. THEY HAVE NO FIELDS. I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO HIM WHAT A CAMP OUT WAS
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
one thing low self esteem will do to you is that it will convince you that no one could possibly value their relationship with you or even on a lighter level like. thinking people don't care about anything you say and that your words don't have impact on people. and what that leads to is you being completely unaware when you hurt other peoples feelings and being unable to consider how something you view as innocuous or funny could be hurtful and mean to someone else. like even if you have a hard time understanding that you have value as a person you have to understand that you have a lot of control of the way you effect other people and no one is intrinsically aware of what is going on in your head. you've got to care about other people and think about what's going on for them and yes empathy is hard but empathy can be learned. and sometimes u gotta figure it out and teach it to yourself.
#big thing for me in my late teens was realizing all of this#it was like probably the most valuable thing i took out of adolescence#which i thought because i had social anxiety and was so concerned about other people hating me that i couldn't possibly be low empathy#but i was! and i had to deal with it!#stop asking other people 'are you mad at me' and start asking yourself 'how might they have interpreted that? could that have been hurtful?#and youll realize that it might have been! and thats the most horrible gut wrenching feeling ever#but there's this wonderful thing called apologizing and explaining yourself and reminding people that you love + value them#and if ur me that means sometimes youll apologize for something and ur friend will be like 'i dont even know what ur talking about LOL'#but it also means sometimes your friend will feel welcome to have productive conversations about how you make eachother feel#and thats really what helps form lasting relationships tbh
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
im being so real with everyone theres a 50/50 chance i break up w my boyfriend as soon as i start working full-time lmao
#i dont mean to sound crass or careless and i do love him but i genuinely dont know if its gonna work when we're both full-time employed#and we had a REALLY weird conversation the other day#where i mentioned that according to the employee manual if i dont take lunch i can leave an hour earlier than i thought i would be#but then i was like ''its going to look bad if im the first one out the door every day so i probably wont do that''#and he was just totally talking past me telling me im overthinking it and i should just do the skipping lunch thing#and i didnt know how to explain to him that these unwritten social rules at work actually matter#and that doing the bare minimum compared to others is bad for my career#and he just kept insisting i was wrong#like i just think we have very different goals and outlooks on work stuff and i wouldnt be surprised if it actually leads to conflict later
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh (vent in tags)
#checks notes. so the last time me and my partner had an actual conversation was back in may#fun !!!#our relationship has become such a nothing burger ik im partly to blame cause talking is a 2 sided thing but ive been the one reaching out#which is . weird since they are the type to talk a lot to people.#ive been feeling insecure for awhile cause they made a post about how they always feel closer to their friends rather than their partners#like. im sorry ??? if its such a recurring problem... uhh . yeah.#im just having doubts that they even want to be together#im the only one who ever mentions the idea of us meeting they did when first got together#which was almost 2 years ago now... so im just.#i feel like we would both be better off breaking up. buts its been so long since we've properly spoken that it feels awkward to talk#(oh and another that always gets to me is that whenever im venting about my depression and life on my priv twt.#they just. make light out of it or joke about it ??? like. not even an are you okay or im here for you. id honestly rather they ignored it#if theyre gonna be like that#anyway that was longer than planned.#i hate long distance relationships. i never wanted to be in one !!! arghhhh im not saying i never liked them but also us getting in one#was. uh a misunderstanding. they mistook me asking for clarification on what they were saying to me as me asking them out...#i just went along with it cause i was happy at the time and i liked them a lot. but i should of explained thats on me.#i dont know where i went wrong.....
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hate being smart. i already have enough problems fitting in, i really just want to stop being different for once.
#seriously man#i dont even know how to explain this#like i love being self aware and generally having a good understanding of things#but GOD i wish i could have an entertaining deep conversation with someone my age for once#this is a really weird complaint to have#i just hate that i have to dumb myself down almost all the time for anyone my age to treat me like an equal#everyone goes omg this guys so smart! im no where near smart enough to be friends with him#and it makes me friendless and sad#three pigeons in a trench coat
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
like i just wish i was rich and had the time to have regular therapy sessions and talk my bs out because i can really tell that theres smth not great going on up there lol but im just gonna ignore it because i have neither the time nor the money to deal with it rn. and i dont know if that will come back to bite me but i just hope it stops being so noticeable like soon because i cant keep having panic attacks and then telling myself im just faking my entire personality to make someone pay attention to me
#like yes i know logically that this is not smth people who are fine do#but like i dont know how to explain that the conversations i have in my head with my fake therapist make me feel like i am faking it#like idk maybe my mom is right and i just want attention#all i know is that i used to be able to read about child abuse without my hands shaking and now my heart goes faster just writing the words#but maybe im just faking that too??#sorry for the rant pls ignore me#i need to talk this out to the void or i am actually going to lose it#i am soooo in my head about this#genuinely was considering calling a therapist earlier but like i really cant deal with that
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
tbh I really think you should message her, because like. you deserve to know what was going on in her mind, if it wasn't fully explained to you. a relationship goes two ways after all
ughhh dont tempt me anon :( i COULD text her and ask her about everything i really am curious and sad about but i really dont want to be tempted cuz i just have this really bad feeling from past experience that if i try to reach out at this point in time when things are still really tense and awkward and depressing then its just gonna lead to more issues and i dont think i could handle her blocking me on every platform. like id much rather still be able to have the communication option to be available than not at all you know? but then theres like fucking instagram reels where everyone reaches out to their exes and then get married so some dummy part of my brain is like ok if i talk to her and ask her all the things i wish i knew maybe shell come back to me but its like the chances of that are so low and the potential consequences are too bad. i dont think she WOULD block me if i texted her my questions (as long as Im not being bitchy to her) but i just dont wanna risk it at all cuz i dont trust myself to be normal. i know i want to talk to her again but it would probably be a bad idea for me to text her when i know im not ready to talk to her. like theres a difference between wanting to talk and being ready to talk you know? but who knows. my plan is if its been like 8 months and im still hung up over her maybe ill text her and ask
#however what i did consider is getting drunk and then dming her friend on insta#that way im a) not messaging *her* and b) i can blame it on not being sober#but that is also a terrible idea cuz if i say something wrong she might block me anyway or her friend will never talk to me again#which yeah were not CLOSE friends or anything but idk it means a lot to me that her friend still talks to me so nicely#like idk how to explain it. it just means a lot that her friend still makes conversation w me knowing where we are#probs cuz im constnatly in my head like 'oh i bet theyre making fun of me' or being like 'fuck sunny!! you deserve better!' so the fact tha#her friend makes the effort to talk to me just makes me feel better in a way i guess#and if i sever that relationship to her friend then like its OVER you know. then i dont have a means to talk to my girlfriend other than#actually TALKING to my girlfriend#which sucks cuz her friend is considering rejoining our dance team next sem which i really would like#mainly cuz shes cool! but also it means my gf might pull up to the shows and maybe ill have a better shot at mending things next sem#idk man. like i so wish i could text her but i really shouldnt tempt myself i KNOW its a bad idea but all the signs are saying to text her#the signs being dumbass insta reels#and you anon#anon tag#asks
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
something I think is actually hilarious is that if you go left enough you start having more stances in common with (individual) conservatives, and if you go right enough you start agreeing with (individual) leftists. like i have a pretty close friend who's self described as "just far enough right that I hate politicians" , whom I hard disagree with his overarching political stances. but the finer details of it... yeah we agree with each other. gun control/gun rights opinions taxation opinions pro-small government opinions slight separatist opinions anti two party opinions anti-corporation opinion ect ect ect.
we stand on opposite sides of a standard political compass but I genuinely think if I were to count stats, I'd agree with as many of his stances as I would a liberals/democrats stances. my hs gov teacher described the difference in right vs left to us as "everyone's goal here is the betterment of mankind, they just think the best ways to do it are different" and that's literally the best way, to me, to describe what the difference in right vs left is regarding anarchism specifically. we got ESSENTIALLY the same opinion but the ways we think are the best ways to go about enacting said opinion are what makes us different. and something abt that is really painfully funny to me. envisioning a world where an-something is the major world thing, not capitalism.... and there's STILL right vs left... but The Anarchist Versions. christ.
sorry for the book i wrote in the tags. ignore typos I am NOT retyping any of that to fix them xoxo
#this is a controversial post to post here ik. however i think can we all agree that echo chambers and bubbles aren't... good.#and i think something that gets forgotten a lot by leftists is that there ARE anarchists on the right#yes we are EXTREMELY different but its important to like. remember that should The revolution come in our lifetimes their still gonna exist#and political disagreement on an individual scale CAN and SHOULD be civil so long as neither party is coming from a bigoted stance.#as in.. no i dont agree with a good chuck of what his stances but by disagree i just think hes wrong abt economics bros not like. a bigot.#in this same vain i also think (myself included) people shouldn't conflate conservativism with racists and homophobes. t#theres proud gay conservatives and conservatives who are poc... erasing those people means we cannot know of how the other side works.#i genuinely believe that if i were to go read every political theory book on right leaning politics id fine something uniquely republican#/right/whatever that i would agree with and then adapt into my own politics. im sure at least one of the unique-to-the-right stances has#actually standing and isn't a load of shit (again probably something economic rather than social).#and thats not a bad thing and if you think it is a actually don't know how to explain it to you! we MUST critically but civilly interact#with political opinions mirroring our own to 1 understand other people 2 fully understand and develope our own stances and why we have em#i genuinely find political conversations with that friend extremely enlightening even if we both walk away still set in unchanged opinions.#because it means i understand WHY others drift to those options but more importantly why /i/ drifted to my own
20 notes
·
View notes
Note
thanks for that post. 10 years of medical training, humiliation and exams, followed by lack of employment due to cutbacks to healthcare, just so I can read your reblogged little post about how doctors say they know everything and humiliate patients. And the notes about how all doctors do is tell people they're fat. Which of course is the truth 100% of the time. Right. Great. Good to know nothing I ever did amounted to anything, that my own generation hates me. Thanks for that, thanks for the anxiety attack, for making me cry on the bus home, you shitbrick. There's no good doctors, mate, you're absolutely right. This doesn't hurt anyone, we don't try to go into this field because we care, because we want to help. We just want power and money, right? Because we're famously overpaid, us the doctors? True, right? Love and peace. I wish you the best. I'm going to fucking kill myself
crazy how you’re studying to become a doctor when you can’t read
#ask#are you fr#in that post i literally noted that i have had good doctors that have helped me very much#but yes it’s all my fault you’re feeling this way. GO TO THERAPY#look im not looking to be mean. but you clearly misinterpreted my post#took it extremely personally#and then sent me this unhinged ask saying youre gonna kill yourself bc i made a post discussing how a field you happen to be in#sometimes hurts people and its a systemic issue#yes all doctors are horrible money grubbing little bastards who do nothing but lie. thats exactly what i said no misinterpretation there#dawg if ten years of dedicating your life to something can be cut down by one person on the internet#giving critique and sharing their experience#then well i dont know what to tell you. that sounds like a personal issue#sorry if youre feeling bad but i need you to realize that this is a deeply weird message to send to a complete stranger#if you would allow me to play doctor for a moment. i think you could maybe use a good long nights sleep and a snack with protein#maybe i worded the post badly. and i’m sorry if i did. i could have done better. but this is not a fucking appropriate response#you could simply open a dialogue and ask me to elaborate#ya know. learn from patient experiences so you can be a better doctor#i would have been happy to have a conversation about it and explain what i meant#but now you called me a shitbrick and blamed me for your depressive episode so. now i’m not being nice
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
good grie what is happening in hatchetfield
#NEW STARKID MUSICAL DROPPED IM 10 DAYS LATE 💀#i just finished it its so chaotic and probably my new favorite LOLL i know its an over the top parody but it reminded me of highschool#we never had any killer ghost jocks or anything. ours were so overtly friendly#one of them started up a long conversation with me by the microwave because i asked him if he ever got a concussion#he explained the rules of football to me and i still dont get it. but he was cool i like that memory. i wonder where he is now#anyway this musical was great and yknow how some live shows have a boring audience like they never clap or anything#this audience was so enthusiastic i loved them and im holding back on how fun the characters are just go watch itt#i havent watched blackfriday yet but maybe some day. and maybe thats why i had no idea why they cheered when the lords showed up
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Shout out to the folks at work the other day that enabled/encouraged me to go on a lil infodump about being transgender and who had genuine questions and listened to my answers. Obviously it's not something queer folks should be expected to do but I love being a point of information for people! I love talking about my experiences and my understandings of philosophies that intersect with that and I think alot of cishet people are maybe uncomfortable asking blunt questions? But so long as they're posed in good faith and with willingness to think about the response, I enjoy answering those weirdly specific things. How else to we dispel the willful ignorance that places of power want to foster towards us? I refuse to he a scapegoat and am deeply grateful to the people that are receptive to experiences outside their own
#young 20 something mum and middle aged mother of 3#both just. asking *questions*#what do hormones do? when/how did you know? why is it so important to you?#these ate genuine questions seeking to understand!! and it means so much to me that i can BE that point of understanding!#adfhsjsj they were talking about periods and the younger woman was like. sorry if this is uncomfortable Jason#and im like. lol dont even worry i still get then too and they suck#older woman was like??? i thought hormones stop them??? im not on hormones yet i just naturally have hormonal imbalance thanks to PCOS#its just...if someone genuinely doesnt understand but is willing to learn? its a conversation worth having.#and i cant know that i always have a positive effect but i ways come back to the vaguely right leaning centrist dude i worked with at mcds#who told me i had changed his view of masculinity and gender as a whole#just by talking and explaining ny experiences#even if he ends up being the only other person I affect..its all worth it.because without me or someone like me he would never have changed#sorry i just get emotional sometimes thinking abkut how...probably the majority of cishets who arent plugged into tumblr#do not experience queer people. hell#im sure there are alot of queer people who havent been exposed to queer theory either#and it means the world to me that i can present and explain that understanding. that willingness to understand.#fuck man if you had told me id be doing this in my early teens id never have thought it possible
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
will my mum ever understand that i don’t like talking (as in it’s really physically difficult) sometimes, especially in the morning, and not get upset with me and make me feel guilty about it despite telling her countless times that this is why? 😃
i just vented in the tags sorry bout that :S
#i wouldn’t say non verbal but pretty close#it’s the same with everything#she just doesn’t understand at all and it’s so draining :/#she constantly makes me feel bad for trying to set boundaries so i just give up#like no i genuinely can’t do some things without help no matter how many times you explain it to me i’m sorry?#no i don’t like that food because the texture makes me want to rip my hair out#i want to try different foods i just have bad anxiety about it and you making comments about it doesn’t help#yes i do need to have headphones or earplugs in most of the time bc sometimes it’s unbearable not to#yes i want to spend time alone in my room bc a) it’s a normal thing to do and b) it’s the one place where i can just be myself n not mask#no i’m not ignoring you you actually just interrupted a conversation i was having with my friends#‘i wish you would talk to me more about things’ I WONDER WHY I DONT#and i can’t even say any of this to her because she’d just cry and tell me what a bad mother she is#like… yea exactly#don’t even get me started on queer stuff#yknow i came out two years ago as not straight#and she hasn’t said a single thing about it since#not even vaguely supportive#i can’t even remember if she told me she still loves me#she said ‘i don’t know what to say’ and left me sobbing by myself#i have to censor myself around them bc i still don’t know how they feel about it#the worst part of it is that i convince myself she isn’t that bad so i just forgive her#and never do anything about it#even now i’m thinking ‘ yea but she genuinely isn’t that badi’ 🤡#i want to leave so bad or at least not be in the same house#but i’m not financially independent yet#and i genuinely don’t know if i could cope living on my own#:’D#just gotta deal with it for now#thank god for this safe space 🙏 love u guys#about the only thing keeping me (partially) sane atm
20 notes
·
View notes